Madhouse 4/20 ’08 Show

Hey folks, what's going on? Madhouse Radio is back on the air.

Again, special show, April 20th, 2008.

3 p.m., it's a Sunday. We're not used to doing shows at that time.

I'm going to tell you what, right off the bat, I'm not very happy.

Simple reason being, I'm an Orlando Magic fan.

They're playing the first game of the playoffs tonight, today, this afternoon.

I can't find it. It's blacked out.

They're playing the Lakers instead.

Come on, man.

This is Orlando.

I got it on ABC right now.

I don't know.

Is it on TNT?

Someone verify for me if you can.

Are the Magic playing on TNT or TBS or ESPN2 or I don't know, something?

They're not on the Magic channel.

The Magic have their own channel here, and they're not on it.

It's got to be on the radio, at least.

It is.

Well, I can watch the ticker right now.

It's 110, Magic are up 110 to 97 with a minute 28 left in the fourth.

So it's their game.

But still, I'd like to watch it, you know?

I totally forgot about the game until now.

I was expecting to play at night.

I forgot playoff season, they usually do those early games.

But okay, we're here, man.

It's time to do a show, as promised.

Hitler's birthday is today, April 20th.

Take with that as you will.

Okay, that's enough of that.

Anyway, so we're going to do shows tonight, and we're going to have fun.

We're going to do pranks.

I got a lot of numbers here already from Mr. Lonesome Loser.

Already checking in.

Brother Man, Lonesome Losersome.

It's checking in.

We got a call from Washington, Texas?

Since when is Washington, Texas a no-call zone?

Washington, Texas?

I guess so.

That's what it says, Washington, TX.

I didn't know there was a Washington, TX.

That is weird, man.

I'll tell you what.

Scariness.

Okay, anyway, so we got a lot of numbers to the call tonight.

Lonesome Loser.

He's sending numbers for the Fremont Retirement Villa,

and that is in Fremont.

Imagine that.

Fremont, California.

They've got a webcam.

The Hilton Head Brew Pub with a webcam also.

Also, they're on Hilton Head, South Carolina.

Very expensive real estate there.

D&D Family Billiards in Dowing Town, PA.

And we also got the Depot Diner in Fremont as well.

We need background music.

I'm sorry, a guy.

I know, Tuck, that you'd turn off the background music,

but if you don't mind turning that back on, I'd appreciate it, please.

Something a little more low-key.

Where is it?

Low beat for this type of day.

you know this is a sad day can't find it did i had it then i can't find it dude i i i had it

somewhere that's cool man yeah there it is who's here tonight uh today i'm gonna be i'm gonna be

saying tonight all day this afternoon it's three o'clock man it's still morning in uh well it was

morning up until now on the on the left coast it's the day of the great goddess the uh pseudo

You know, pagan holiday, neo-holiday is arising.

And, yeah, man, it's like, wow, you know.

All right, so we're here with Brandon Vegas is in the house.

Brandon Vegas, I aim to ask you a question here in a second.

Remind me to ask you my question after I introduce Ted.

Ted.

What's up, Brandon?

Ted is here.

Of course, tuck his ear open.

What is it?

What is the damn thing again?

Bhenchod?

Benny-chod?

Ben-o-chod?

Am I here or am I not?

I'm going to yell that

There's a bunch of Indians that work in my building

On the floor downstairs

There's a software company

And there's a bunch of Indians

And every day I go by and I say

I should just yell out

Bhenchod or whatever it is that it is

And say oh yeah my Indian friend said it was hi

I'm trying to be sociable

What does it mean motherfucker

Totally man you should like wave at them

I'll be all nice like Bhenchod

Sister fucker

And they're like what

No my friend he's Indian

Yeah, and he said that's, you know, how you say, what's up?

I talk to them every once in a while.

They're cool dudes.

I'll do it to them because I know them.

Because I like to go out on the, there's a dock behind my job.

I like to go out there.

I don't smoke cigarettes, but I like to go back there.

But they smoke cigarettes, and that's the smoking area is out by the dock.

So I'll pass them every day, and I'll say, hey, what's up, you know.

And they're cool people.

So I'm going to do that to them tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Monday, right?

Yeah.

All right, good.

So, yeah, as it is, good afternoon.

and we're on justin.tv

on madhouse

at madhouselive.com

I have made some changes

you will know the news

the wikipedia page

the wiki page rather

that we had started

on top of that

you can also check out

our video archives

our video stream

is up there now

it's through justin.tv

it's got clips

of us doing the show

I know

basically just me

holding a phone

or talking into the mic

while other people

prank call

or I prank call

so it's something to do

something to check out

That's over at the madhouselive.com website

I was watching that earlier today

I was finally going over to the JustinTV site

And was watching like the clips from the Thursday night show

Yeah

And it's nice

Why do you have two phones?

This, okay, this phone here

The one in front of me that I'm pointing to right now

The main phone, this is for pranking purposes

And this is where people call in on

This is the, that's the live phone, okay

Okay

Alright, now, in the back here

This is a completely different landline

and it uh it's it's basically the back line for milkman to call in and for me to make calls

immediate it's got free long distance okay it's actually it's connected to my cable modem which

is right here i get phone service for like 12.99 through comcast and you know for 12.99 a month i

got an extra phone line here it's a backup in case the the at&t line goes down and uh it gets

free long distance so i can call you know people on distance without having to use a phone card for

personal reasons you know and uh it's it's i i said what the hell it's right here and i just

i don't use it because it actually there's some uh packet loss on it not much but it's noticeable

and it uh i would rather stick with the reliable um at&t formerly known as bell south line and uh

thank you uh everybody go to bell south.com sponsor of the first two minutes of the show

tonight in those two minutes they love you today god damn it damn it every time i do that i'm

to do this all right we'll look for that babies are delicious is uh is checking in there's actually

do we have anybody who's listening we have the seven seven listeners right now wow seven listeners

this was the magic seven man magic seven baby lucky number seven magic number hey guys but

seven if you go to the madhouse live website you'll see that there's a news item regarding

last night before i make any mentions is anybody is everybody here in the greens that we should

Should talk about it, Ted and Tuck and Brandon.

If either of you, we will not mention what it is at this point.

I'm not going to say what it is.

You all know what it is, I'm assuming.

If any three of you would like to object, just say I,

and we will move on and completely not mention it all for the rest of the show.

You have five seconds.

Anyway, let's do some prank calls.

Man, I am out of it.

Ted, I would ask you for your opinion, but I don't want to put you on the spot,

and I'd rather not talk about it anymore.

We're going to try a new dialing service here for a spoof card

because it's not working if I dial through.

But apparently this is amazing here, folks.

I now have the ability.

I'm on a web page now for Spoof Card.

It asks me for five things.

The phone number I'm calling.

Oh, it asks me for my phone number, the destination number,

the number that's shown, the ID, if I want to use the voice changer,

and do I want to record the call.

And I click Place Call.

It'll call the studio.

I pick it up, and it connects the call.

No more dialing and this and that and dial tone

and worrying about the numbers going up.

The numbers are going out on the air and this and that.

Not anymore.

You know why?

Because we have this service.

This is awesome.

I just found it out of a whim.

I just was looking around this food cart site, and I tested it, and it works, folks.

Isn't that awesome?

This is going to speed up things so much on the show.

This is a positive day.

Let us be happy.

Let us pray, everybody.

Let us pray.

It's a positive day for all the happy people.

No hate for happy people.

We're all happy.

God bless the goddess Shiva.

I would like, yes, that's true.

and I would like to welcome all happy people

who are listening tonight.

You're always welcome here.

Please call in.

And we'll be more than happy to speak about,

you know, what happy people talk about.

Speaking of happy people,

let's go ahead and call Key West.

We have the Two Friends Patio Restaurant.

They have a webcam that's up.

There's a bunch of happy people down there, isn't there?

Oh, son of a bitch, I bet you there is.

Oh, yeah, let me,

I'm going to copy-paste this

for the people in the chat room.

Everyone who's listening,

please go ahead and make it a point.

I'm going over to justin.tv

forward slash Madhouse Radio

and enter the room

and just turn down the volume on that

if you want, or listen on there

through there, whatever you want, it'll all count towards the numbership

just turn down the audio

on one of them, don't play them both at the same time

because you'll be confused

but we're trying to get a lot more

people watching

it might give you a freak out

exactly, we got three people watching right now

so please join in

and help get our numbers up on there, Nunu's in charge of that

also. Nunu's very good at promoting us on

Justin.TV. Nunu says

spoof Tim Searcy's cell phone from his office.

Hey, that's awesome. What's the

numbers? We'll call Tim Searcy.

He's the president of the American Telemarketers

Association. That's always a fun time.

Okay, so we're going to call Two Friends

Patio Restaurant. Let me, um...

I think he's not a happy person. I bet you he's not.

He's a sad person. Nah, he's an

angry person, even, I would say.

Let me, uh, I'm going to shoot this over

here to the, uh...

Give me a second here. I gotta, let me log in

over here on the old google talk and a google myself so i can watch the webcam here also on

the alternate computer what's been going on with you talk uh let's uh break up the monotony here

for a little bit talk about your comics or something uh comics i don't know much about

i know june 17th muck stiggy's my friend cd out in stores everywhere uh will be out speaking of

happy people it promotes happiness and uh everything like that it's a white rapper guy

guy comedy out of memphis tennessee and i did the artwork for it and uh you can see it on my

myspace uh tucker mike and uh muck sticky's myspace is a muck sticky and um check it out and

um go and go and get it support all the happiness that's out there you know i'm saying

support all that happy meat everybody okay here we go uh coming up in a moment the two friends

Friends Patio Restaurant, Karaoke Bar, Key West.

What do you say there, brother man?

Karaoke business going for you folks.

You're sitting and breaking into it, so I'm just calling around some of the businesses.

I'm on vacation in Key West, man.

Oh man, we saw the sunset last night.

Beautiful, beautiful act that we had watching the sunset.

I've never seen the sunset before from the southern, like really south.

A lot more mosquitoes in this part of town.

What are your thoughts on the gay population here?

Are they big into the karaoke?

Do you think, would you say there's an agenda in this case?

Not an agenda, but just a mentality that they don't like to do karaoke

because I'm going to be opening a bar and the area has a high concentration of the gays.

So, my concern is that, you know, maybe it's not, you know, part of their gay culture, you know.

Are so-called bisexuals there right now?

I'm just asking you as a brother in Christ.

I really need help in making this investment.

I only got one shot. I'm getting a loan for $30,000.

Actually, you know, I'm getting a second mortgage out of my house in order to open this business.

Seriously, just looking to see if this is going to be, you know, I need to make sure this works the first time around.

There's like 60% of the people are the gays that are going to be coming to the restaurant,

according to the information I received from the gentleman I hired, Mr. Vallison.

So, if you wouldn't mind just asking, I mean, it sounds like you know that there is someone there who might be a person of gender?

I am.

Okay.

Okay, so would you, do you like the karaoke?

Would you say, do you have a partner?

That's a beautiful statement.

you're right you know what bisexuals us ours man thank you brother man that's a beautiful statement

for the night for the day i keep uh i got a minus star already how long have you been a gay for

since you were born you realize it when you're like six seven from a broken family you know

there's a study that i read pastor told me a study curable i said i'll tell you what it's

one place and it's not the bible it's in my pants that was good look at that see we're making friends

already with the happy people i told you guys we didn't have anything to worry about that was fun

Oh, that's great, man.

All right.

Oh, man.

That is too funny.

Okay, so new news, sir.

New news, checking in.

He sent us a number already.

He sent us a number here for Tim Searcy,

president of the American Telemarketers Association, the ATA.

And that brings up Brandon Vegas.

Are you listening?

And are you vocal?

Yeah.

All right, Brandon, do you still have that American Telemarketer night

from Zolar and me and Reclude and Milkman in 2005.

Do you still have that?

It's on a CD somewhere.

I don't know where it is.

Is there any way you can upload that for me?

I've gotten a bunch of requests for it

since I mentioned it on the Wikipedia.

You can or you can't?

I'll have to dig through my CD spindles.

I'll have to look for it.

I'll know it's right in there somewhere.

All right.

Well, if you can, because you sent it to me once,

and I'm looking all over the place for it,

and I can't find it.

I don't know what it's titled.

You don't remember what you might have titled that?

that mp3 probably not that was a long time ago i don't remember yeah i know i've got to have it

somewhere but i can't know that it was like four hours long yeah i looked up i you know did a

search for zolar i found a bunch of zolar stuff but not that episode i can't find it so i think

i might have lost it maybe i deleted it somehow i don't know so uh yeah if you can that'd be great

anyway so i'll look for it yeah that's what i was trying to ask you if not maybe someone else

out there has it. I don't know. Maybe I'll

find it. Nunu is reporting.

Speaking of that, Tim Searcy,

the president of the ATA, he wants

us to call his cell phone

and we're going to spoof the

number from his office and the janitor

is going to be complaining that the toilets are too messy.

So what I'm going to be doing is I'm going to be

changing my voice to sound like a man.

Not that I don't sound like a man

now, but I'm going to be using the

voice changer on the spoof card so you're going to hear

it in regular sound.

You're going to hear it in regular sound, okay, everybody?

But Mr. Searcy is going to hear it much lower.

So it will sound like an African-American or maybe it's going to sound like a redneck.

This is our unnamed character that we have yet to come up with a name for.

Maybe we'll come up with a name now.

Anyway, so after this call, if it goes successfully as I expect it to,

I will then quickly go online and play it, instant replay, for everybody to hear it.

hopefully we'll see if it works out let me uh get this ready here everybody we'll be right back in

a moment with the next prank of the night this is uh tim seriously and remember the voice is being

changed to sound deeper and it's looking on this caller id like it's they're calling him from his

office and work okay so hopefully he picks up it's in the afternoon he should still be around so

let's check it out waste of time oh well we tried but see that is the power watch out that's my

cock that is the power of the spoof card everybody so you know if you ever have an idea like that

where we can make it look like

work's calling your friend

or the wife is calling your best friend

or something like that

and we can prank.

Let us know

and we'll make it happen.

All right, folks?

Anyway,

we did a 13-minute call?

Seriously?

No, that was Friday.

Okay, that last call we did

was 4 minutes 55 seconds

to the gay guy.

That is really funny

that he's actually gay.

There's nothing funny about that.

I'm not trying to be an asshole,

but I'm just saying

it was kind of interesting

that that was the case.

Ooh, the Concord.

You know what I want to call.

Previously,

let's see if this works out.

Previously, in the Madhouse forums, which everyone should go to madhouselive.com

and register and post in the forums, because I see they've been slowing down a little bit.

Tuck's been posting some Doctor Who, classic Doctor Who episodes that are really good.

Thank you, Tuck, for that, by the way.

Good stuff.

Yeah, classics, man.

You've got to get into it.

Yes, sir.

Good for you.

Good for your soul.

Good for your brain.

Brain food.

I'm going to have some salmon tonight, man.

I'm excited.

Have a nice dinner.

Nice hearty dinner tonight.

These are numbers for an elevator.

an elevator. You know elevators have a phone

system in them usually for you to

call an emergency. And they usually

have the ability for you to

you can actually call it

like if you knew there was an emergency in the elevator

a rescue person

a rescue professional could call

the elevator and speak to whoever's inside the elevator.

Anyway, so we're going to be able to

hack into that phone.

They're in the Georgetown University.

This one in particular is in Rice Hall which

apparently is a very busy

part of that school, and it is

finals week, we understand, so

there's a good chance that people are probably

going in and out. So let's try it. We're going to call

the elevator in Rice

Hall at Georgetown

University, that is. Everyone

take a listen to this. We'll be right

back.

I was hoping it would have been early enough that there would be people.

I guess it is Sunday, perhaps.

Maybe.

It's Sunday. No one's in the elevator, man.

I called it during the day, once to test

tested and it was funny i called it and i'm like hello this is elevator security or something

and what it's like i think i hit the button on accident and i said no no i got a report of a gas

someone a gas alert in the elevator i was like do you smell anything she's like no and i said

well i got a report that someone just broke wind in the elevator and she started laughing and i

hung up it was really funny i had a great time with that that was so juvenile but hey like the

the gas alarm had tripped.

You know,

natural gas alarm.

We could,

let me try a different,

and again,

I think the question is

you being the king of pranks.

Yeah,

exactly.

Yeah,

exactly.

Come on,

man.

Beautiful.

And I asked someone,

do they shit in the toilet?

Beautiful.

What?

Asshole back in here.

I think that elevator was crashing.

Oh,

that's pouring out,

man.

Dude,

that elevator is crashing,

man.

It's like,

it's making that noise

in the cartoon,

you know?

It's like,

wow,

people are like falling,

man.

It was like,

wow,

man,

this guy's gonna do it.

with Fred

and like what?

That is cool, man.

Okay.

A new news says

it's 9 p.m. in the U.K.

Oh, wow.

It's already 9 p.m.?

God, man.

You guys are

you guys are early as hell.

Not early,

but you know what I mean?

You guys are ahead of the game.

Like five hours ahead.

They're like our superiors.

Jeez.

All right.

So who's next?

That's why they

turned their nose down.

I guess so.

Okay.

We got the Hogsbrough Saloon.

Dude, the Hogsbrough Saloon.

I've been there before.

That's in Key West.

That's a biker bar.

You're going to mess with them.

Are you crazy?

they'll kill me

they got very

their shirts are very famous

like people buy them

like as status symbols

and like if you're a biker

in Florida

you wear a hogs breath

hogs breath

hogs breath saloon

there's a lot of gays there too

alright

and the news is here

the magic

nice branding

the magic

you have to brand yourself

to be frivolous

alright

breaking news here

the magic definitely did

confirm win

114

I don't know what I'm saying

just

yeah

just this sports update

114 to 100

magic

Magic over the Raptors today in Game 1 of the NBA playoffs in their first round.

I don't know if Tuck and Ted, I don't think you guys are basketball followers.

If anybody out there is, do you know, is it best of three or best of four now for the first round?

Well, if anybody knows who's listening, let me know,

because I thought they had changed the first round to best of four,

but I got a feeling that it's best of three again now for the first round.

So if anybody knows, if anybody cares, let me know.

I just don't feel like Wikipedia-ing it right now.

It's just a lot of work.

This just seems like a lot of work right now.

Wow.

All that typing.

Yeah, fuck that.

And hitting return.

I'm so lazy, I don't even want to dial the numbers anymore.

I'm making my computer do it for me.

All right, we're calling the Hogsbris Saloon.

I'm in Key West.

One moment.

You're lazy.

You don't even dial anymore.

I have people call for you.

It's been a while.

People are saying it's true.

Uh-uh.

This is weird.

Guys, stop for the cops.

They'll pull you over.

I heard something.

Please enter your password.

Well, I know the password isn't 6969.

You've been a bad boy.

I guess so. That didn't go through.

All right.

We got a number here from Nunu for a crazy person.

This crazy individual from the UK is totally paranoid

and thinks if a newsreader smiles, smirks, they are mocking him.

What is a newsreader?

Okay.

A guy was masturbating outside his window a few years ago

and he thinks it was a government agent.

Oh, man, you're a wacky nut, sir.

Sounds logical to me.

Yeah, it makes perfect sense what would happen.

Let's try that. Hang on.

We're recording where I really don't keep out a lot.

Jesus Christ, that was kind of freaky. Did you hear that?

It sounded like weird French talking.

Yeah, well, it was weird.

It's like,

What language is this?

Is that like Guyana?

Is it Swahili or something?

Let's hear a replay.

I don't know, what did you call it?

That's Swahili for dog, it's not

Etouah, Etouah, that's and you, and you, and you, isn't it?

I know what Etouah means, and you

Etou Brute

Yeah, well we're talking, this is French, apparently it's French

It sounds like a French-speaking immigrant in the UK, black

So more than likely that was probably an African of some sort

Maybe from Zaire, or the Republic of Congo, or Rwanda or something

Yeah

Yeah, that's my, and I'm pretty good at, you know, pointing out stuff

We're going to try to call again and see if maybe we can communicate better

or get a translator here on the line.

I speak Swahili, so we're okay.

Let's try that again, folks.

Let me get Afro Man back on the line here.

I'm sorry about that.

Good

God, I mean, Jesus.

What's wrong with these Africans? Can't use a phone.

Yo, you want some of this or what? I don't know.

Sure. Hell yeah, bad guy.

Anyway, what was that about?

All right, so any suggestions here, folks?

I'm going to milk, not Milkman.

Oh, Milkman.

Oh, I miss Milkman.

I need to get Milkman back here, man.

Is he working?

What's the ETA on Milkman?

He's sleeping, man.

He's in the middle of his sleep cycle now.

He's in his second REM cycle right now.

Yeah, he needs his rest.

He might check in, but we've got about an hour left of show here

because I've got company coming over, as I said earlier.

Let me make sure.

Is Justin TV working over here?

let's make sure here real quick yeah it's working oh i forgot to record though i was retarded

although i don't think it's important to record because you don't even have to record

it archives everything i think i don't know that's the experience that i've had with it

maybe it's a good thing a show like this like i'm having tonight today there we go did it again

son of a bitch you can go back later and grab the clips you want yeah that's the thing see what i'm

gonna start doing when i have a good prank call like that gay one i hope it comes up right because

Because then I can actually go ahead and I can mark that section and make it by itself so people can go and watch it.

Beautiful thing.

And I can actually upload them to YouTube directly from Justin.TV.

I click a button just like that on YouTube.

And whenever I do that, it sends a bulletin automatically to MySpace just like that.

And then even Twitter.

I got a Twitter account now on Twitter just like that.

We're getting lazier and lazier.

That's awesome.

I don't even have to doubt, dude.

Fuck, I'm not going to retire now.

Next May.

If I can do the show like this, pretty soon I'll just sit here with my balls in my hand, you know.

Just, you know.

Oh, hey, don't back off.

Say, hey, what's up?

It's a show.

Yeah.

You're going to push a button, and I'm going to say something funny.

I'm going to push another button, and it's going to dial a phone.

And then my archive self is going to say funny things from it and piss people off.

It's going to be so great.

It's going to be funny.

Wow.

True.

Word, man.

That was some deep shit, dude.

All right, just an update here.

Lakers are tied with the Nuggets 56-56,

and they got about 30 seconds left in the second quarter, left in the half.

And the Magic, as I said before, have won 114 over 110 against the Toronto Raptors.

Coming up later tonight, this evening, the 76ers at Pistons

and the Atlanta Hawks at the Boston Celtics,

each of those games being the first.

in their series, the beginning of the NBA playoffs.

Hopefully we have a good playoff run here.

Not a lot of fights.

I don't know.

The Heat didn't make it, so I know they're not going to have any fights.

Fights is fun, though, man.

Fights is fun.

That's what makes it worthwhile and newsworthy.

Well, the fighting teams in the NBA generally are the Heat and the Knicks,

and neither of them made the playoffs this year.

I'm pretty sure the Heat didn't make it to the playoffs,

so we don't have anything to worry about there.

yeah yeah boring yeah no not action just just games now who cares about that wants to see games

okay anyway we're talking too much we're yammering let's go ahead and do another parent call uh we're

gonna call we did that one already uh i got pizza roma and this is in miami a lot of florida calls

today excellent well we got coffee gallery in hallowea hawaii and it's like it's still morning

there it's probably like noon right now like 12 something that might be fun let's call that

that instead let's call hawaii all right everybody we're gonna call hawaii yay we're back

trying to get without fucking folks my bad is it in town out of state you got kona what what's in

that kona that makes it so good fertile ground from volcanic ash something else coffee from

polynesia itself goes on former united states army landfill polynesia from world war ii so it's got

gasoline that's leased into the soil you're alone honey are you alone it's not safe for you to be

Be a loner all by yourself, lady.

Little girls like you shouldn't be all alone.

I think I didn't know she was still there.

Woman?

I knew you were.

All right, we're calling Belushi's Wine Bars.

Hey, Belushi.

This is in England.

London, England.

Just a moment, folks.

This call delivers what?

Or record a replacement after the tone.

Any answer there?

Just went right to voicemail.

What was that about?

Listen, loser.

Okay, let's see what else we got here to call.

We got about 30 minutes left to show.

If you do want to call in, Nuna's making a good suggestion.

question um if you want to call in to help out by all means or take your stab at doing some pranks

you can do so um 1-888-278-8509 is the number and do that in the meantime let's go ahead and

call the salty dog cafe this one's in south carolina just a moment folks next prank of the

day i got it right that time motherfucker i didn't say the night i said the day give me a gold star

for that tuck i'm saying five finger finger i'm gonna give it right in your face the middle finger

You ain't going to do shit about it.

Stole him.

He won't admit to it, but I know he did it.

Who is the security person right there right now?

You're the what?

I'm sorry, you're the what now?

The manager on what?

On duty?

Yeah, why are you on the duty?

You're on the duty, what?

What's that mean?

Fuck this show.

I retired.

I retired a year ago.

The fuck am I still doing on?

Forgot to take the cover off of the camera.

Whoops.

sorry again the toll-free line is one triple eight two seven eight eight five zero nine

nunu has sent in a number here for what just confirmed this one indian restaurant in manchester

that got closed down a while ago for having cockroaches all over the place a guy who answered

had good accent very good all right we'll call the good accent guy an indian restaurant in the

united kingdom of england just a moment hello hello excuse me while i kiss the sky real quick

Give me a second.

Can you excuse me?

Can I kiss this guy for a second?

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please.

Is this...

Is this out below?

Yes, I'm going to come and pick it up in my hand machine.

Come in my hand machine and pick it up.

American, don't...

The start of what?

What do you mean?

What is that?

Sauces from the menu.

The start of Ryan Nobles in the car, and I got to rental.

I need to order a palau rice.

P...

What was it?

This is like...

This, you know, I'm American, and I only speak American, and some of this, because I know you guys put the U in color.

Which main dish would you like to order?

The pila, what is, uh, pupa, um, pupa, no, no, no.

Yeah, two in one portion.

But what's a portion, no, no, no, I want the whole thing, not a portion.

No, no, what I meant to say, how many papadums would you like to order?

If you're ordering one portion, that's when you'll get papadum, two papadums, that's in one portion.

Well, but I don't want a portion of it, I want the whole order.

No, no.

No, you misunderstood me there.

You have ordered papadums.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, exactly.

Papadums for the...

Yeah, two of us, papadums.

Two portions, that's been done.

A portion is a...

I just want a portion.

I want the whole...

First language is American.

I'm from America.

Okay.

Not this English stuff.

This one here says P-I-L-A-S-O.

There's two of us.

He said a portion.

I'm explaining.

I want the whole thing, not just a portion.

No, the whole thing is one portion.

You got two pieces and the chutney.

What I'm saying, I don't want a portion of the order.

I want the whole order, you know.

I want the whole thing, not just a part of it, not a portion.

I want a completion of it.

Yeah, yeah, you know, like, that is a whole bit.

Two completions.

Yeah, okay, two completions, yeah.

Okay, great.

Two of them, yeah.

Completions.

Pappadums.

Pappadums, yeah.

Okay, now let's see the chicken curry with extra cockroaches.

Pardon?

Cockroaches, please.

Call them from?

United States of America.

Do you have any palmetto beetles?

We call them cockroaches.

In order, it's a free country, sir.

Sir, this is America.

I make an order where I want.

I feel like I want it.

No, I'm not female.

I'm American.

Watch your mouth.

Shut the fuck up, you bastard.

Excuse me, this is...

I'm an American bastard.

How dare you, sir?

Shut up.

We've done for you.

You wake up in the morning, you thank for us.

That was fun.

See, we had to keep the payoff.

As soon as I get to the cockroaches, motherfucker, that was perfect timing.

You're an American bastard.

He had that anger, man.

That's anger right there, KDK.

Don't tell me I'm angry.

98.6

No

Explain that

In the angry mouth

Country sir

This is America

I can order where I want

I feel

Sir I'm American

Watch your mouth

What the fuck have you lost it

Excuse me

This is

American

Dare you sir

Shut up

After what we've done for you

You wake up in the morning

You thank us

That's true

They're supposed to

It's in the constitution

Of the United States of America

You didn't know that

Look it up assholes

Wikipedia

America

America, God shed his grace on thee, and crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea.

Beautiful, alright man, patriotic here, patriotic there.

God damn it, this is the greatest country in the world, son of a bitch, get it right.

Alright, so we're going to do some more pranks, right?

We got more time, we got about 20 minutes.

That was a great quote.

You American asshole.

Fuck you American.

I got to put that up on the website tonight.

That was good.

I love that, dude.

I'm going to call him before we end the show tonight.

Make it a point that we call him back.

Let's see what other numbers.

We got the Shepard's Bush.

The Shepard's Bush.

Whoa, watch out.

Oh, hey.

The Shepard's Bush is in England also, London, England, to be exact.

We're out of weed music.

Who cares?

Let's call the Shepard's Bush green.

World police.

Police.

The phone.

I did that on purpose, folks, really.

Let's see.

Lonesome Losers sent in a promising number here.

This one is for LL Convenience Store.

There's a crazy, angry Asian guy that works here.

He sounds like the guy from the You Took My Newspaper call.

Oh, cool, man.

Classics.

Klax is right there for sure, dude.

You took my newspaper.

No, no, that's the other guy.

Wait a minute.

You kicked my dog.

You took my newspaper was the Asian guy where the guy's like,

it was like, you took my newspaper, you asshole, right?

It wasn't like that.

And the Asian guy's like, didn't he pick up the second time and say, hello?

Like he was trying to act like a woman or something.

I think I remember that call.

Yeah, when you're calling.

What are you calling?

He's like, why are you calling?

Why are you calling?

Or who are you calling?

Like that, who are you calling?

He says something weird like that.

You know what?

That is the kick my dog call.

It is the kick my dog call.

No.

Are you sure?

No, he said, you just stole my newspaper.

Remember?

He's like, I'm going to kick your ass.

You know, we're going to go down now.

And he's like, motherfucker, you fucking, fucking bitch.

You got that?

Play that, Ted, if you got it.

Shit.

Entertain me.

Or entertain the people

Smoke them if you got them

Smoke weed every day

Ted you don't do that stuff

Don't talk like that alright

I'm a bad influence

You know that

I really want to find this song here

Hang on

Let's see if I can find this song

I think that's only on the

Virtual game

No even my character

In World of Warcraft

Is vegetarian

Really?

You can pick your

Eating habits?

No it's just that

Whenever I find like

Wolf meat

Or

Roasted duck

Or something

thing off of a character i won't eat it i sell it there we go cool that's good for you uh ted

that's a good statement for the kids playing but you still sell them herb which means you're a pot

dealer to the to the newbies that's not good yeah you're a pot dealer that's why you're happy today

on 420 all right everybody here we go this is the song i was saying before you're you're wow

pot dealer on world of warcraft you know isn't that what you said you sell some kind of special

Special herb to them, right?

Special herb.

Come on.

Well, one of my professions is alchemy, and the other one is herbalism.

That's what you do.

You mix those two together, you get weed.

You get high.

Alchemy.

One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you smaller.

Ted is selling lighters and weed and herb, basically.

No, I'm kidding.

So, is this a lucrative thing for you?

So is that all you do?

I mean, I'm sure you play your missions and stuff like that,

but on the side you sell items to the newer players and stuff to buy stuff for yourself?

Is that what you do, or are you just having fun?

What is a typical day in WoW like for you?

I try to make money.

You try to make money. Hey, watch out.

Well, I've never actually spent a whole day in WoW,

but the whole point of the game is, like, go on quests, gain experience, find items.

If you don't need the items, sell them in the Auction House,

get more money to buy better items, to fight bigger monsters,

as it goes on and on and on like that.

Excuse me.

Sounds fun.

Maybe one day I'll play that.

I was going to say something to you,

and I totally forgot what it was, bro.

You know?

My bad.

What was I going to say to Ted?

Something to Ted.

Something important to say to Ted.

Woosah.

What was I going to say?

Fuck.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Here's the song again.

All right, so we're going to call the convenience store.

The last one you know is suffering from Alzheimer's.

Please call this number.

Yes, please.

We'll be right back with the next call.

One, two.

So, suggestion?

What about the sister?

The sister.

That's your line, right?

You always ask, well, what about your sister?

Do you have any sister?

Last week, I was like, no, no, not that.

Reminds me of the new call.

We got the...

You bastard.

We have 12 minutes.

I just got the word from the ball and chain that make sure that I'm off the air by 5,

because we have a few more things to do here before our company gets in around 5, 15, 5, 20.

Man, I am starving.

God, I go to Taco Bell.

I think I might go to Taco Bell here when I get off the air.

You know what I'm saying?

Maybe I'll order a pizza.

I had pizza yesterday.

I just like the hard tacos, Ted.

Just straight up hard taco.

Three of them.

Three hard tacos.

And I don't like sauce on them.

Just straight up.

But I do like to get a pintos and cheese.

You know.

I got to lose some weight, man.

I'm going to turn into a fatty.

I lost some weight and I gained back.

Anyway.

This one goes out to Ted here who's pushing out there.

Ted pushing that herb.

That alchemy on wild.

Ted, you going to call in and do that call?

Or should I call on my own?

We got about ten minutes left.

All right, I'll call him.

Ben Chaud.

All right, good.

Ted, coming up in a moment.

Good, I like that voice.

Hang on, let me get you the...

Did Nunes send it to you?

That's such a racist.

What's his name?

Don Rickles?

It wasn't Don Rickles, was it?

He's in, like, a detective race for a while.

I think so.

Give him a...

Carol O'Connor.

You are a meat...

Did I send you the number?

...dead from the neck up.

I sent you the number there, Ted, in the IRC?

In the madhouse IRC?

Mark is motherf...

Bunch of...

Yeah.

Go for some naan bread right now.

Or some...

is totally gay.

Yeah, he's got a gay

accent kind of thing.

Well, you heard him.

You heard him real.

Nice to say, though, you know.

We call them happy people

on the show

from now on.

Happy people only.

I don't even know

what to say about that.

Not even that.

They're there.

You're so happy.

You're saying that they're women.

They're not women.

They're men.

Great.

So should I dial this number

or are you going to do it?

I'm done.

You're done?

Okay.

No, I'm done.

I'm just asking.

I can dial it.

Deuterion, so maybe

ask for no cockroaches.

Good idea.

Good thinking.

Good looking.

hello hello hello is this what do you like loads of dishes

a few more that's lentils it's a yellow rice early rice

where do you want to pick you up from why pick up i pick up from hello

easy we don't pick up don't pick up you can't pick up from me

You can't pick up from me.

That's fucking what's in you.

You always hear me.

Yeah, don't ring this number again.

Yeah, that sounds just like they would do.

You sound just like them.

Son of a bitch.

That just brings memories of Jin fucking Stewart as he calls himself now.

Is that what he calls himself?

Jin, he says it all the time.

I'm Jin fucking Stewart.

I said that once and I think he ran with it.

He likes that a lot.

Jin fucking Stewart.

Hey, whatever works for you, right bro?

Do you know that there are Indian swear words on Yahoo Answers?

Someone asked for Indian...

Did someone say, like, can I get some Indian swear words?

that yeah oh man bad people shame well there's a website for um for um international swear words

i i've gotten those before what's it called i think it's like a book called men are pretty

popular languages really that means i don't know if they do hindi that's french for shit

you watch a star trek the next generation knows that like me because i'm cool how do you say that

let's see greek i think i found the ones greek first words it's it's been up forever like since

since the 90s, I remember.

Here's one called useware.com.

Maybe that's the one.

I don't know.

There's a website out there that does that.

It's really cool.

It's like just where...

Here we go.

In different languages.

Here we go.

Indian.

Let me see.

Is this the one you look at?

It's called useware.com.

Is that where you go?

I don't know.

I didn't go there.

All right.

This is Hindi.

Let's see.

There's like a Hindi text-to-speech spot.

That sounds like a swear word right there.

I just sent you a link to it,

and people actually rate if it's accurate or not.

You got penis or father.

Well, penis or father is Bob Calav...

Well, something like your mother's penis.

I don't see it.

I don't see that one here.

The mother's penis is supposed to be like penis.

I don't know if it says Bob Calavde is one.

50% of people rated it accurate, though, apparently.

Sister fucker, Bhenchod, that's there.

Yeah, that's 80.

It's got an 81% rating.

You got Bi Chod, 69%.

Gay is all happy people.

That's Chukka.

Bastard is Kamina.

And ganned his ass.

That's interesting.

Take a look at that.

It says it's got Chudia, Chudia.

Chudia.

Or they had, like, some really names.

One was May You Drown in a Handful of Semen.

That is sick.

Oh.

There's one.

Instead of the Canadians inside the Ventrilo.

Really?

In fake Hindi all day long.

Oh, that's those two guys.

What are they?

The French guys.

Boniface and Zagat.

Yeah, Zagat and Boniface.

They're big Zin Stewart fans.

Yeah, good kids, those guys, man.

They're really cool.

Cool, I like them.

Okay, Ted, I'm going to get off the line.

It's 5 o'clock, and I'm by contract with my fiancée.

I have to get off the phone, unfortunately.

Okay, thanks for calling, bro.

That was fun.

Catch you on the computer machine.

There we go, back to the computer machine.

Hey, everybody.

What day?

Didn't we have a great time?

Two hours of show.

Surprise, mystery show.

We dealt with some drama tonight.

We had some pranks tonight, of course.

Today.

Oh, man.

I think I did it three times.

Wow.

Yeah, it would be a hard time.

I'll tell you what, I kind of enjoyed doing the 3 p.m. show.

Maybe I'll start doing that on a regular basis.

Maybe on Saturday afternoons would be a good day, I think.

Because a lot of businesses close on Sundays but are open on Saturdays.

We'll look into it, maybe.

Maybe we'll do some afternoon shows again.

That'd be fun.

We'll look into it.

Anyway, folks, we had a great time.

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.

Yeah, we had a great time.

We can all wish that they got us together on a Saturday afternoon or a Sunday afternoon or a weekday afternoon.

It'd be great.

Yeah, if I don't quit before then.

All right, we'll catch you here on Thursday.

Thanks for listening, everybody.

Good night.

Good day.

God!

Next week is my friend June 17th.

Every day.

House Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you fucking paper sticks!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (9, 20 min of 1 h 3 min)

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