2008-05-08 Show

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Everybody, good evening.

My mic is way too up.

Look at this.

I'm like...

I need that little more natural height for me, you know?

Can't be straining the old neck muscles there.

That'd be bad when I do that.

Hey, everybody, Madhouse, ready on the air.

How you doing?

Thursday night, May the 8th of 2008.

It's 10.08 p.m.

so that means we got 8, 8, 8, 8

bitches

8 plus 8 is 16 plus another 8 is

24 plus another 8 is 32

this is the 32nd

episode of Madhouse Radio

alright, I wonder how many

episodes we really do have

I can make a count one night

it'll be interesting to see

I wonder if we've ever hit 100

mark on here, I don't think we ever have

I hope I hit that

before the retirement show

I would suck if we never got to hit 100

anyway

thank you everybody for listening tonight

you're listening to us live from

Madhouse Studios, Milkman on his way now

to Madhouse Studios West

in Los Angeles, California, we'll be joining him

shortly, matter of fact we'll be calling him

on the back line in about 5 minutes

so all you Milkman fans, ladies

get your hankies handy

we'll have the Milkman on soon

you're listening to us of course on the

extended Madhouse Radio family network of people

including justin.tv, madhouselive.com, 98.6 the mouth, syndicateradio.tv,

talkshow.com broadcasting us tonight.

We have 328 listeners total, motherfucker.

Yeah.

God, a lot of applause tonight.

We'll be doing prank calls.

We'll be taking your requests.

We'll be taking your calls.

We'll be taking your complaints.

Be sure to visit us live, madhouselive.com,

for all the different ways you can reach us.

Of course, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, MSN Messenger, or nothing at all, I'll be giving out those messenger names in just a moment.

Be sure you get your pencils or your notepad handy.

Everybody right now, click on Start, click on Programs, click on Accessories, click on Notepad, and get ready to type the following information.

If you're on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, you can reach us here tonight.

Madhouse Radio.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio for AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger users.

If you're using MSN messengers, madhouseatlive.com.

Let me try that without sounding like, madhouseatlive.com.

Is that right?

I think so.

Whatever.

If it's not too bad, because I don't really care much for you MSNers.

Again, as I've said before, nothing but foreigners I've found.

uh or nice well there's some nice people on msn messenger anyway um other than that you can also

call us tonight toll free 1-888-278-8509 and the toll free line is 1-888-278-8509 that line is open

now if you'd like to call in and make yourself heard early in the show takes a lot of balls to

do that because i usually put you on the spot i warn you now there's only one person out there

who's qualified for that and that's mr jonathan also known as the grinch uh we'll be going over

over some news articles here shortly as well some stuff happening in the prank call world

and uh i'm sure we're gonna have a ton i'm not even paying attention to the chat rooms here

let me sign in real quick to the chat machine here real quick real quick real quick let me

continue here dude i i you know i'm going to be honest with everybody here and this is a this is

my bad um i installed windows vista my computer here recently and uh i i failed to complete all

the steps necessary in order to get ready for the show like i try to remember everything

thing but here i am remembering now that indeed i forgot um to set up the chat rooms and stuff

like that so i'm not able to watch the chat rooms right now apparently i understand that the password

might have changed that's not good fuck well let me uh i got to play something here i got something

indeed that i can play uh for everybody listening i don't know if you folks uh know charles barkley

i'm a big fan of charles barkley haven't been a fan of the nba during my teenage and high school

and middle school years in the 90s um charles barkley was just one of those dudes he was hated

He was not a role model, as you said, et cetera, et cetera.

He's got a pretty good sense of humor.

Check out what happens to him.

This is courtesy of, I don't know, well, whatever, the NBA Finals.

Just a moment.

We'll be right back with more show.

Sponsored by Slam Magazine.

Oh, wow.

Our friend Lang Whitaker, Slam Magazine, sponsoring the Nito Stat of the Night.

Lang, I owe you one, man.

Thank you very much.

If you want such a loser, you can get a sponsor.

Lends great legitimacy to this edition of the Nito Stat of the Night.

Yeah, you see the movie anchorman. No Ron Burgundy remember where they said go ahead put that in there

He'll read anything. It's on the teleprompter

Teleprompter because is the is the machine here?

I mean it's attached to the camera and so you read scripts

So you're seeing some script there that they had Charles read for a t-mobile spot at halftime after we got off the air

Yeah, and so I saw that when I was getting ready for the show earlier tonight

I looked in there. They said what's this for Charles?

and i went oh let me just add a little something in here and see if he reads it roll it you're an

idiot hey this is charles barkley i hope you enjoy the nba playoffs on tnt and i hope you

have enjoyed my t-mobile fade 5 list i'm a dumbass yes you are indeed you are a dumbass

they change in the teleprompter to make it say i'm a dumbass so charles barkley just goes naturally

just talks right over dumb with dumbass dumbass you gotta pay attention to what you're doing sir

all right pay close attention to what you're doing a lot of these people they just get along

by uh you know just reading the teleprompter getting paid a lot of money to just read the

teleprompter dude you just call yourself a dumbass you're not even paying attention homeboy come on

man don't do that you're fucking charles barkley man smart guy um i'm gonna have to play a song

here while i set up the chat room dude i'm sorry this is gonna be a funky night i guess let's play

this long song here hang on everybody give me like three minutes i guess maybe i'm gonna rush

here to try to get everything in set in place so i can get numbers from lonesome losers just a moment

okay good i finally made it in the damn chat rooms all right folks what's going on

saigon's in the house we're showing what's up saigon nu nu ellie tuck um just a quick

announcement here and let me let me just preface this evening by informing you all that we're

going to have technical difficulties tonight and just before warning you i'm in a new setup here

Here in the middle of upgrades, I decided to install Vista on the main computer,

which is through where I communicate with the world and amaze the people of the world.

And God fucking damn it, Hollywood's calling.

Or who is this? Hang on.

Madhouse Radio, explain yourself.

You fucker.

That bastard, you see?

That's British Columbia calling, and I told you something, you know?

I'm very close to banning the entire country of Canada.

Very close.

And I understand that we have a lot of listeners in Canada, including the great Sean Ward.

And people like Kokanee and et cetera, et cetera.

So let me tell you something, Canada.

You better start taking care of your boy, British Columbia, over there and go over and kick his ass.

And I think his bachelor is up north or something like that, close to British Columbia or Vancouver or something.

Go up there and start kicking some ass, man, because this guy is ruining my show.

I'm banning all of British Columbia again tonight.

Mark my word, everybody.

British Columbia is out of here again.

I'm going to light a cigar and celebrate.

There we go.

Billy Preston out of space.

That is the name of the song that's playing right now.

For those of you who are asking, DC Loke asking, where does the music play right now?

That is Billy Preston out of space.

There you go.

Go buy it on the iTunes music store.

I see DTT's hanging out.

DTT's hanging out.

What's up, DTT?

How you doing?

Milkman has made it into our West Coast studio.

What's up, brother man?

Paradiso.

Good to hear your voice, man.

I'm very chipper.

Fuck yeah.

Blitz K says, BC's got the good weed.

Fuck the rest of Canada.

Well, dude, yeah.

I mean, they got the best weed, but fuck.

Hey, is there any way you can get me in the chat room tonight?

They're fucking up my flow.

What's wrong with the chat?

Oh, I don't know.

Did you handle that?

I told you last week to handle that, Milkman.

I said, can you get me in there?

Can you get me in there?

I can't.

I don't know how.

You have to follow the instructions that those people gave you.

Why didn't you listen, man?

You had a whole week to do that.

Oh, man.

Man, you see, you didn't work at all this week, bro.

And what did you do?

You just sat around.

You didn't fix your chat machine.

So now you can't chat.

I didn't work at all this week.

I've been in design meetings, man.

We're getting ready to implement the launch of the new manhouse.

I don't know what you can do.

I don't know.

Get with Hollywood.

Hollywood will tell you.

Hollywood out there.

Hollywood, fucking, we got to do something here.

I don't know how you can.

Oh, forget it, man.

It's bullshit, man.

How did you do that?

I don't know.

It says you're behind some kind of proxy, right?

It said it was like port 80 or something, which I don't understand because –

I don't know what it is.

It just said I was banned, and I never logged into the server ever.

Yeah.

It said I was banned.

Well, it found you on some port, it said, but you're not behind any type of proxy.

You're on a Wi-Fi in a hotel.

I don't understand why they did that unless it's something with the hotel setup with their – the way their IP's set up,

whatever port you're able to communicate through.

It said it was something regarding

From what I understand, port 80 is the

HTTP port, that's what basically

Web browsing works at, why would they ban that port

I have no idea why Wicked Wire

Would do that, makes absolutely no fucking sense to me

They say the port was banned

Well, bland your IP address over something

About some port, something on port 80

On your connection, which I don't understand what that's about

But it doesn't make any fucking sense to me

I don't know

Well, you gotta handle that shit, man

Fuck all that shit

fuck all that shit installed right now baz is also checking in in the madhouse radio studio

what's up baz how you doing bro how you doing man not bad baz where are you again you have a

filipino wife who i've offended every week for the last month what else is going on where are you

yep and where do you live again uh i live in live in seattle you're the guy who can kick ass

let me tell you something you take it you handle this guy from east yeah you we hang on hey oh

I'm on my way, man.

Explain yourself.

Carlito there.

Yeah, this is Carlito.

Explain yourself, British Columbia.

Why are you so abusive, man?

Say it again because I hit the phone in an accident because I'm nervous.

You're making me nervous, British Columbia, man.

Fucking paranoid here, dude.

Yeah, I know.

My hands are shaking, man.

You keep calling, scaring me.

You called the other night.

You scared Athena.

I'm just playing.

What's going on?

Tell me about British Columbia.

You guys have the good weed is what I hear, eh?

I'm mad, buddy.

Friends with you tonight?

What's that deal?

Oh, no.

rubbing the phone on it. Hey, what's up? Are you rubbing the phone

on it? No, I'm not. Who's that?

Who's the girl? Who's the girl? There's no girl here.

Oh, there's a girl on the phone. Let me talk

to her. She was on last week, too. That's me,

man. That's me, buddy. No.

Let me talk to the chick. I want to talk to the

chick. No, you can't talk to the chick.

Who's the chick from last week? Let's call her up, man.

Okay, we'll call her up. If you're a man,

you put her on the phone right now. Who is

that? Is that your girl? We'll call her up.

We'll call her up. Alright, good. Call her, man.

Come on, player. Okay, yeah, we'll call her.

I'll call you back later.

Alright, call her back.

I don't want you to call back until you've got that chick on the line, alright?

Okay, I just wanted to apologize for last week's show, you know?

I told you it wasn't a big deal.

I was fucking around.

It's making no theater of the mind.

But you're not allowed to call back in unless you have a woman on the line every time.

You understand?

Okay.

Alright, that's the rule.

You cannot call in the show unless you've got a chick on the line with you.

Deal?

I don't know about that.

Like, you know when you go to the club and you've got...

Some clubs, it's like, if you're going to come in, unless you're in the VIP list, you've got to have a broad with you.

Okay.

Alright, well...

All right, we'll talk to you when you call back when you got some damn tang on the line, man, because fuck fucking sausage party around here.

Right. Athena doesn't want to be on the air.

You know, we got it. We need a female member of the show, Milkman, and you don't pass through it anymore.

People know that you're not a female anymore.

Back when the show first started, I thought you were some either, you know, they thought you were just like a manly guy from the from Samoa or something.

Anyway, so, yeah, Baz is going to make you.

Baz is our enforcer.

Carlito, any news on the law for spoofing caller ID?

No, sir.

I've heard nothing.

I'm on my way.

Yeah, he's on his way.

We got our Operation Black Force is in full effect.

No, no news yet on if the governor signed that into law.

I'm assuming he did, but I did not note a follow-up.

If anybody out there wants to follow up about the Florida caller ID spoofing law that was passed last Thursday and was going to be signed by the governor, let us know, please.

I'm yelling at the phone a lot tonight.

Geez.

I'd like the governor to prove this.

Fuck yeah.

yeah charlie chris is a douche man i have no love for charlie chris no love at all for that dude i

gotta really work on this gay too yeah jesus christ yeah i hear you hit the hit the microphone

manhouse radio make it known please how are you what's going on douche are you baby i'm good god

finally a woman around here so how did you end up getting stuck in this quandary which of a show

sausage party central you know just really wet and something in me real quick really i'll ask

Let me ask you a question. Have you tried meat, particularly vegetables? What would be the most comfortable one you think you could accommodate?

Like, in my imagination, a pickle would be probably about a perfect size, but not cold.

A pickle is nice, but broccoli is actually really, really a rot.

It breaks up, too, doesn't it?

It's great.

And you get those little things of broccoli, like, all in the folds and stuff like that.

Right.

I would keep looking until they were all gone.

I also enjoy kielbasa.

Kielbasa, really?

Right in my dinghy.

does it come out like warm and you can check i should take like a bite out of it like

if you've used it for like if you've gone to town for like a good half hour you could that's

edible that it's warm enough to eat i only have one fetish i want a guy to fuck me in the ass

while i'm taking a shit all right dude you're really creeping me out so unless you're someone

i know i'm really probably gonna hang up on you now wow that was like okay at the end there we

he was enjoying that a little too fucking much dude take it easy man i think he was

was wanking right there i heard some meat slapping right on the air man jesus christ you hear the

guy's like i want to fuck in the ass and the ass and i don't know what the fuck he was saying he

was saying some nasty shit dude fuck that was very gay that was the gay sir you are the gay

congratulations on your coming out on the phone that was that was all forward to leave he started

involving the app. I mean, he had a whole story

behind that one, dude. He was like, whoo!

Anyway, let's quit dealing with it.

Oh, I like the way it

feels in my back.

Monistat

quoting the great Iron Sheik

saying, you're a gay and faggot.

You're gay and faggot.

I don't know if that was a good impersonation

of that. Tuck's

Tusk. Now we're calling him Tusk.

He was Tuck, he was Tug, now he's Tusk.

What TS server are you in?

I sent you an email, Mr. Tuck.

uh with the information for that ted webb it is now blue planet hosting.us i figured it out on my

own tuck i didn't even have to ask ted i was like i bet you change it to that fuck yeah you change

it to that that bastard all right anyway lonesome loser checking in with numbers here already

again if you want to call and you can do so at 1-888-278-8509 please call in and creep us out

um we got the hollywood fight club theater ugly dog saloon and barbecue irish italian says that's

the child molester from last week oh yeah that crazy um no that guy's like austrian or something

he was like y'all he did like a new scheisse or something he talked about scheisse all those

germans are in the same scheisse and doing stuff with their scheisse it's it's it looks like it'd

be pronounced like shizze but they say scheisse anyway lost dog bar and lounge pinocchio's pizza

naked noodle wasp recording studio video and shimp earnest shimp earnest is that a house

Is that like a dude named Shimp?

Shimp Ernest in Texas.

Wow, that's all types of fucked up.

All right, let's call Shimp Ernest then, eh?

See, I don't hate British Columbia that much.

I'll say, eh?

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?

Hey, man.

What?

Real quick here.

Yeah.

Welcome a new listener, Mr. Bentley.

Yeah, that guy.

Yeah, the male prostitute's listening tonight.

Who the hell's that?

Our new listener, Mr. Bentley.

Is that some kind of dog that you're talking about?

The homo just called in, actually.

He's pretty cool.

Is he?

He's a cool guy?

No, he's pretty cool.

He's not the homo that just called in.

Okay, I'm just making sure that's not you.

Probably your friend.

Probably had him calling.

Oh, this would be funny if we do this.

All right, anybody?

No, hell no.

I have no homos calling in.

Anybody can call in, Milkman.

Anybody can call in.

You can be gay, straight, bisexual, whatever you want to be.

You can call into this show.

I am bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

That's right.

And we're going to come back with a first prank call the night we're calling.

You're calling the manhole.

No.

We're calling Shimp Ernest, everybody, in Texas.

Just a moment.

And more technical difficulties tonight, unfortunately.

I'm still trying to place the fucking call.

Beautiful.

Gotta love Vista.

Maybe, you know what?

I think, indeed, I am going to end up reinstalling Windows XP

because this shit here tonight has been something else.

Again, I'm trying to call, trying to call Shimp Ernest here.

Yeah, man, leave it, man.

Leave it.

What the hell, man?

Vista's the best.

Yeah, Vista's the best.

My balls.

8, 3, 0,

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold the music, man.

It was this asshole I was talking to last week

that kept telling me how great Vista was.

No, no, no, no.

I'm not having problems with Vista.

It's just I have nothing set up.

I didn't have time to set everything up

to do a show.

I tried to do it with enough time,

but I didn't have enough time.

All right, Milkman.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, all right.

Hey, the phone is ringing, goddammit.

Shut up.

I'm supposed to be...

Yes, I'm trying to speak to Shimp.

Speak to Shimp.

Which Shimp do you want?

Shimp Ernest.

Ernest Shimp.

Um, well, he's been dead for...

Oh, no, you don't say.

Oh, he's the only guy that has the combination to this lock, lady.

I got it here.

Call Ernest Shimp if you need to get out on the lock.

He is the last person to have it on the list here.

Did he write...

He must have written it down somewhere, lady.

Look through his stuff.

If he passed away the other day, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to look through his wallet and get the combination.

Combination for what lock?

For the lock. I locked myself in the back room again. He's the only guy with the combination.

Back room where?

The back room here at the plant. He's got the combo for it. Lady, I need the lock combination.

Look in his wallet. Where is it? Did you bury him with it?

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what plant you're talking about.

He had the combination to the lock here to the cage.

And I came in here and it closed behind me.

And last time I was able to get out in time before it closed.

But this time I didn't make it in time because I goddamn near fell down, broke my foot.

Who are you calling from?

I'm in the plant.

I'm stuck in the cage in the back room.

No, just tell me the city you're calling from.

I'm in Knippa.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I have no idea.

I don't have a wallet anymore.

When's the last...

It's gone.

gone when's the last time you talked to him i told you he died six years ago impossible now you're

not talking about sterling champ are you i'm talking about earnest he has the combination

to the locker he must have written it down somewhere leave anything behind still that

maybe you can break maybe he hit it like do you have a vase that maybe he was his

what about his pick yes in the back room you're talking about the plant at what plant the rock

Oh, the plan, I'm in the cage right now is where I am.

He set up the combination, and it says here on the list on the wall,

to contact, if you're locked in, it says use this phone here to earn a ship,

and it gives his number.

You should have updated it, because he's been dead.

Well, I tried extension 12.

I even tried extension 12, and there's no one answering there.

Sure, he left it in his, he must have left it in his wallet.

I haven't seen Wallet in years.

Do you have a family Bible?

Well, there's nothing like that in it.

Well, no, here, there's a code here.

What kind of a code?

It says Job 1-8.

Go to Job 1-8.

Maybe it says, it's here next to his name, Job 1-8.

I'm thinking maybe he put it inside the family Bible.

Yeah, like, go to Job 1-8.

See if it's in there.

Maybe he put it, he wrote it down and hid it in there.

Well, go get the Bible.

Do you know how to work the Bible machine?

You doubt you know how to use it.

When's the last time you opened the Bible?

Today.

Well, oh, come on.

Make make with the Bible.

Job 118.

118.

I got to get out of here, all right?

I got to get home.

I got to bring my kid home a pizza on the way home.

I promised it to him because it got A's on his final.

Oh, Jesus God.

She's not...

Please, lady.

He must have put it in there.

He must have written it down and put it in that section.

Job 118.

Is this...

Which version is this?

Is this the Roman's version?

Sam's version.

Or something?

Lady, what are you, seriously? Are you Lutheran or something, and what kind of Bible is this?

Job 1.8, come on!

No, he had a lock here at the back at the plant for the train.

The lady, he worked on train air handlers back here, and he had devised a lock for the cage.

no man he worked he did some work for us on some air handlers here find the combination yet

wait he's gone if not i'm giving up on her i'm bringing up the dead it's not very nice to do

folks i don't recommend that you know making i'm not making fun of the guy that he was dead six

years so he was past the uh what is it you call that thing when a lot of time passes between what

you do in a crime so you can't be guilty of the crime anymore the statute of constitution that's

That's what it is, right?

Yeah, that's the one.

It was past.

Limitations.

Whatever.

That's your limitations.

Well, what do you guys want?

Gold stars or something?

Here.

One for you.

One for the other one there.

Why?

Are you happy?

Yes, sir.

Oh, you want a cookie?

Yes.

I don't want a cookie because it's bad for you.

It has sugar in it.

Got these down.

Hello, Carlito.

How are you tonight?

I'm good, Tuck.

Thank you.

Hey, Ted is in here.

All right.

Baz, of course, chiming in as well.

Milkman is in the house.

Yeah, man.

British Columbia checking in tonight.

night had a nice prank call hey ted you know you tried to get one over me but i figured out what

you change your little server password thing to i won you lose ted webb i don't even know if he's

around you lose ted whatever it was anyway irish italian everybody let me let me go in the chat

room here real quick see what people were saying god that's just sounding like what's his face for

a second there what is this music playing right now we already did that dc look ass that dtt says

hello but okay what's up dtt cool duche says i just called to say sorry i was probably drunk

okay that's all right man we're allowed to get drunk no problem um we got some new numbers here

from lonesome loser including uh zippity doodah and tasmart all coming in in louisiana home of

the katrina all request night here in madhouse radio ted you want you got it a la akbar here on

the mouth man a la akbar thank you all right you're welcome uh anybody no one no one's really

talking in the syndicate what do you mean password oh the the sir you we changed you changed the blue

planet.us instead of ted web.uk or whatever it was now i figured it out i went to your little

PC radio homepage

Oh that's long gone

Yeah

Well not like a week ago

Dude

Or two weeks ago

When you disappeared

Off the face of the earth

And your server went

Remember

That

was crazy what

Yeah, that was happening a lot lately.

Well, I remember you came in one night and you were in that desert.

Well, one day Ted came in and he's like, I'm going to make some upgrades over the weekend.

And the next thing I know, I was like, you know, Ted, I don't know if you knew this, but I was actually looking at the I was on E-bombs world on the forums.

And someone posted over the weekend that a thread of a post that the PC radio stream was down.

Has anybody heard about the PC radio stream has been down for a few days?

I was like, wow, look at that.

I bet you Ted didn't even know that.

that someone was mentioning him over there actually cares yeah i swear it's in there if

you go there now i've ever seen it was like oh yeah look at that someone actually cares yeah

yeah so apparently you know it was it was big news man you're a newsmaker a heartbreaker

a soul taker that's right you're a dream weaver and i believe you can get us through the night

no no no no need to break in a song here tasmart is in louisiana as i said i have no idea what

what that is but we're about to get some taz here in this bitch just a moment um milkman you have

any suggestions for songs on the song machine sir while i get ready for this next prank call

actually you did a good one there a minute ago to your ex that was a good one before uh pink floyd

i don't know um it's milkman's choice he's first around but you want some pink floyd uh milkman

what do you want come on what's your thing yeah man that sounds good man pink pink floyd we'll

We'll name the damn song, or someone, whoever wants to name a song.

Let's agree on something here for once.

All right.

Catfish Blues by Jimi Hendrix.

No way to heaven.

No, we're not kissing.

Catfish Blues by Jimi Hendrix.

Very funny, Tuck.

I know what you're talking about.

I've got to announce.

Maybe fish mouth.

We've got to talk about the new CD.

Tuck created the cover.

It's complete, I believe, right?

We put the final seal of approval on it, so that's done.

We're going to discuss it after this next prank call.

A little top secret operation, yeah.

It's not top secret.

We know about it.

It's not official yet

But anyway

We'll be right back

With Taz Martin

To buy weed

Hey you remember

That Phil Hendry

Bit where the guy

You remember

The Phil Hendry bit

Where the guy

Is saying that

What was it now

The fuck was that guy

Saying

That he fell in love

For a Muslim girl

And he was trying

To raise money

To build a memorial

For the hijackers

From 9-11

Or something like that

And she was gonna

Oh my god

She was gonna let him

Have anal sex

If he did it

and he had raised $13,000

and she had left to go build it

and was going to come back,

but he hadn't heard from her in a while and stuff.

We should play that at the end of the day.

I think it's called Remembering the Hijackers.

I think that's what it is.

Maybe we'll play that on the Mouthstream.

That's classic, dude.

Yeah, there it is.

I found it already.

I haven't listened to Phil Hendry in a long time.

Also, please play the Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco de Mayo was just passed, too.

Cinco de Mayo.

The Cinco de Mayo show,

that's a fun show, too.

That's right.

I'll cue that up here also.

Cinco de Mayo.

yeah that's that's a good idea that's the one where like he's having like tons of like uh

technical difficulties and it's all fake and and people are thinking it's real that's that's good

all right it's in the commercial or something yeah he's like talking bad about this the people

in the studio on the commercial that's good stuff all right anyway i digress tasmark coming up

miss crank of the night you listen to manhouse radio

the experience way right 103 minutes remaining all right i'm being told that the phone is a

little low i think i know how to fix that hang on call guys is this the tasmart yes it is i had a

question on what aisle would i would it be acceptable for someone to spill orange juice

on the floor and me out of curiosity and thirst would how dare to bend over lick it and now be

be home sick. Excuse me? On what aisle in God's Taz Mart would it be acceptable for

someone to allow orange juice to be spilled and myself, as an innocent person, is attracted

to it, bends over to lick it off, and then now I feel sick? Well, I'd say that was pretty

stupid on your part. I hurt my back in the process, lady. This is no joke. This is serious.

How did this happen?

This is earlier this afternoon.

Connie, did anybody spill and break orange juice in one of our aisles today since we've been here?

Nobody has.

Well, there's no evidence because I drank it all.

If you broke orange juice and you silted on the floor,

Ma'am.

and you bent down and licked it up off the floor,

I do believe one of us would notice it.

Lady, calm down, please, because I'm not yelling at you.

I'm trying to be calm because I know that I'm not at fault and you're liable.

And I'm not in the hot seat, so please don't put yourself in the hot seat.

There are cameras all over this floor.

I'm happy they are because I was recording it, too.

You were recording it.

No, but you know what?

By law, you have to give me a copy of those tapes.

And I did not break the orange juice.

I was walking by and it was on the ground.

and i said to myself someone could slip on that okay sir okay maybe i will it's nice stupid

no wonder they got hit by a hurricane those morons good night sir good day good good after

good why what did he say good morning deserved it don't just start telling them that yeah they did

that's not funny ted all right that's like making fun of dead people and asking where

their wallets are that's not nice that's very crass of you sir how could you that's crass

Madhouse Radio is here live

We have Evil Ted tonight

Yeah, that's fine

Evil Ted with the goatee

10.49pm on May the 8th, Thursday

That is the year 2008

We're coming up on the one year countdown

Of Madhouse Radio

But the good news is

The first Madhouse CD is coming out

Ted, I don't know if you were aware

Milkman, Baz, and the listeners

But Tuck was working on the cover

And it's complete, man

It looks good, dude

thank you very much it's a donkey theme anybody who wants to look at it the quickest way to go

if you go to madhouse live.com but everyone go to madhouse live.com open up your web browser

machine madhouse live.com you got it up already cool go to go to the news no no chupacabra donkeys

are puerto rican chupacabras are not real they're like bigfoot but donkeys are tangible goods in

puerto rico they're transportation source of milk and a source of meat and warmth during the

the Caribbean winter.

No windows when I'm talking about being from the Virgin Islands.

Although they substitute mules or asses, as they call them there.

Yes.

Anyway, so if you go to the news section over at madhouselive.com

or if you're looking at the Madhouse site now,

on the news scroll you'll see where it says CD update cover released

or whatever, or cover leaked or whatever.

Click on that, you'll see the cover.

Now, the news is the Madhouse CD is ready to go with the exception of

I need to do the official rollout.

It's going to be next Thursday is going to be the day that the CD goes on sale.

So we're going to have a special show next week here for the CD release of the Madhouse Live CD entitled named the title picked by Milkman, which is How's Your Fat Ass Doing?

Awesome, Milkman.

You said now this is some kind of code that you guys use in the CB back in the CB radio days.

Can you explain it to the people quickly, please, Milkman, quickly?

How did you come up with that name?

Actually, it was a good friend of mine.

i hadn't seen in a long time man and i went over to her and said hey girl what's up how's your

fat ass been doing she started laughing after she got pissed off and she kicked you like a donkey

didn't she and that's where we got the donkey theme anyway so enjoy that folks it's going to

be out go to madhouse live.com okay so just the details here real quickly the cd is going to be

available for a free download okay a donation is suggested donation of one dollar is suggested

you can donate less, you can donate more

if you want, whatever. If you don't donate

anything, whatever. Just promise to spread it

around, alright? You'll be able to download your own

CD. That's what I cover

somewhat immolates a $1

bill. Exactly, very good.

Exactly. However,

if you pay for a low fee, and

I'll be honest with you, I was hoping

to be able to announce tonight what the

cost of the CD is. I will tell you

that it's going to be cheaper than $7

at the most. Worst case scenario.

I'm thinking it's probably going to be somewhere around the range of between $3 and $6 will be the price range of the CD.

If you can buy the CD, you will be sent an actual hard copy, professionally printed, autographed by me.

And also for the release, we're going to probably be offering it for free to several people.

I'm going to be sending it to Milkman and Ted and Tuck and a lot of VIPs out there, people like Zolar, and a lot of people are going to get it.

Free copies autographed of it.

and i'm a vip yeah you're calling you know people here maybe recluse you know people like that you

know i'm not looking to make money off of it folks okay i'm looking to make a little bit here

to cover the costs of creating the cds and i'm looking to make a cd because i think i can do it

without it costing me any money and i think it'd be kind of cool to do and you know and it's a

kick-ass cover the cover looks really cool thank you todd you did a great job everyone be sure to

check that out at madhouse live.com we're gonna do some more prank calls here anyway if you want

to call in in the meantime the toll-free line is open right now the toll-free line uh the toll-free

line is 1-888-278-8509 be sure to visit us uh call us if you'd like you can uh just talk or do

a prank call if you want whatever you want dude um i wanted to mention here uh i just got an update

here from a pure evil child on aol saying that uh apparently the law was in effect working with

with the florida sheriff's association uh some dude directed his sheriff's office attorney to

write the call the call and hang on now we got some we got some more information about this here

apparently let's take a close look at this we got an article here that talks about the uh the actual

law here that's been passed let's check this out uh this is a continuing story we've been following

here on madhouse news prank call anti-prank call law that's been passed in florida which the news

is not talking about but we're the only ones who are covering in here i don't know i guess it isn't

a fact i know we're pulling up the article now let's just do a prank call in the meantime i

should see hollywood's calling in hopefully he's still there hollywood you're there sir

no i missed him son of a cock hollywood we missed him i think that was hollywood hollywood call back

if you'd like i'll hold off for a little bit everyone is a son of a cock they are damn it

make him out of a cock all right anyway so here's the deal um if you think caller id protects you

from fielding all unwanted calls think again a technology known as caller id spoofing allows

It allows anyone to essentially sabotage the caller ID function on a phone.

That's what we do here.

Look at this, everybody.

Here, check this out.

Websites such as spoofcard.com, which is the website that I use,

allow you to place a call pretending to be someone else.

This leads more credence to the thought, I think, that we're being targeted.

Manhouse Radio.

This is Hollywood.

Hey, man.

How you doing, dude?

I'm in the middle of a...

Check this out.

I have a thought that the government of Florida

is specifically targeting me, apparently, because of things that I've done.

Because here in this article...

I already got a bunch of calls, man.

Yeah, it is.

Here we go.

Website's just spoofcard.com, which is the website I use.

And when the person picks up the phone, you got to get...

Anyway, anyway.

Okay, here we go.

But St. Lucie County Sheriff named Ken Mascara,

Ken Mascara, like the female stuff,

says the spoofing technology is no joke when it's used for fraud,

like people posing as bank or the IRS.

And we talked about this last...

There, I fixed the audio.

We talked about this last week.

This is something that we don't condone.

People trying to chip people out of money by spoofing their caller ID.

Use it for good purposes such as keeping yourself anonymous and prank calling and having fun.

Anyway, so this guy got together with the Florida Sheriff's Association,

and they created the Caller ID Anti-Spoofing Act.

And apparently, according to this, it still has not been passed 100% completely.

But we do have an IA.

Actually, no, it might be.

Actually, it is a new law.

No, it's been signed by the governor.

So we're too late.

Huh, look at that.

I've got a PDF here that shows the actual bill itself.

I'm going to be reading that in a moment.

The only problem being I do not have a PDF reader installed yet.

So hopefully, let's see how good Windows Vista is and see if it will actually locate it here.

Let's see.

The website wants you to open web content using this blah, blah, blah.

I will allow.

Let's see if we're smart enough here.

Use the web service to find the correct program.

let's see this is a test of Windows Vista right here everybody I don't know

Ted I know Ted has not had a lot of luck with it himself I'm half Vista eyes one

of these has been Vista eyes let's see how good this works I'm opening in a

PDF file for the first time on a fresh install of Vista you think that's what

it is huh okay it's suggesting me to download Adobe Reader I'm clicking on

the link that it's providing me here this is this is tantalizing stuff let's

Let's see if this works.

Hey, hey, we're Adobe.

Anyway, I am Cottonmouth.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Windows Vista.

It can do all sorts of things that Windows XP can't.

For example, it can lose your files when you copy them to a network drive.

Can it really?

It can crash when you try to play a game.

And, yeah, it can.

I already told you about the file crashes.

I didn't know.

No one told me about file crashes, Milkman.

No one told me about this.

What are these file crashes?

Oh, bullshit.

I told you the other day.

No, no, no, no, no.

You did not.

Well, I was trying to send files across, just across a normal connection of a USB connection.

It fucked up a guy's folder and it crashed Windows.

It said, comm surrogate is down.

One guy.

I told you that.

One guy.

That's it.

My wife lost her report card.

She was transferring them to a USB drive.

This is a brand new computer.

And they didn't copy onto the stupid USB drive.

Ted, USB is not a, you know, reliable mode of transmission.

That's all it is.

I'm trying to be a Vista guy.

It happens with file servers, too.

No, this is a reliable mode.

You definitely don't need it, for sure.

That's the way to go.

I'd like to announce I have something.

How many years has it been and we can't get copying files right?

I mean, come on.

What the hell is wrong with these people?

You got a point.

We have been trying to copy files for a long time, sir.

You got a point there.

This is no excuse for shit like that.

Yeah, and it didn't work, so I can't view the PDF.

I'll try to open it up in Google or something.

Who cares? Maybe next week we'll talk about it.

Whatever. So there. Vista loses

again, everybody. And now...

Excuse me. I cannot click within

Firefox. Beautiful! Alright!

Vista! Woo!

Probably just back.

See? Yeah, guys.

So we're gonna do

a Hollywood thing. I forgot Hollywood

was on there. Hollywood, dude, what's up, man? How was your week?

Are you at work? No. No.

No, no. Not tonight. I actually had a

speaking engagement tonight, but I got

through early. Cancel for your speaking engagement or something?

No.

You sure?

Hollywood sounds like Bill Clinton almost.

Yeah, Hollywood.

Yeah, Ted's saying you can't hear Ted, but he's saying you sound like Bill Clinton.

Yeah, a little bit.

What are you speaking to, Gates?

Are you like a motivational speaker?

Yeah, you remember how...

Banned down by the river?

Two weeks ago on Saturday Night Live, they replayed the best of Chris Farley.

Dude, I love Chris Farley.

Big loss.

I still mourn the loss of him and Phil Henry.

Phil Hartman.

Matter of fact, I was a huge fan of Saturday Night Live when Phil Hartman and Mike Myers

and all of them were out.

Yeah, he's a big loss, dude.

Back when it was watchable.

Yeah, back when it was.

There was a little period there in the late 90s

where it became watchable again,

and lately it's okay, but yeah.

It's just not there.

For a bit.

For a while there,

the only thing they had going was Horatio Sands.

The only thing they had going.

They don't even have him anymore.

They got this...

Anyway, I digress.

Fred Armisen's cool.

I like him.

Anyway, so,

would you like to do a prank call, sir?

I got Murder Burger or the West Side Cafe.

Sure, let's do Murder Burger.

Murder Burger.

I see Zolar is checking out.

Everyone be sure to check out Zolar tomorrow on SyndicateRadio.tv.

Zolar Vision and Zolar Party Nation at 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time tomorrow.

Be sure to check that out.

Ted, you be sure to check that out, you son of a bitch.

You son of a cock.

The new line, the phrase that pays tonight, Ted.

Bastard son of a bitch.

My god, son of a bitch.

No, no, what is it?

Benchad?

Is that what the damn thing is?

You're Benchad.

Benchad.

It almost sounds like bastard.

Okay, anyway, we're calling, uh, I'm sorry, uh, you said Westside Cafe, right, Hollywood?

Do you have Big Lawn?

We could do a song and dance, ordering or something.

You got it, Westside Cafe coming up.

Speaking of a song and dance, let me play a song here.

There it is, there's the song machine, hang on.

Call up an Indian restaurant, ask if they have Big Lawn.

Big Lawn?

Yeah, Lawn is penis.

Ha ha ha ha, they got Big Lawn.

What's up, Big Lawn?

Their song ends and I still can't place a call, this is beautiful.

Finally figured it out, though.

There we go now.

This isn't Vista's fault this time.

This is Telephone Machine's fault, everybody.

Take it easy.

Don't make a conversation.

What's up?

Whatever.

Here comes the call.

I finally got it to work.

Oh, yeah.

Wonderful.

Tomorrow.

For lunch, we have fish and chips.

Tomorrow night, we have prime rib.

Prime rib.

Song and dance, come on.

What's your name?

Song and dance, man.

What the hell was that?

He's like, totally not, you know, people just need to, why aren't people said that

a song and dance are with a phone?

I just saw Sweetie Totter.

Is that what did it?

I've heard of it never seen it don't know we're gonna call curry in a hurry I had curry today

I'll tell you I was some good curry huge tracts of land what we're supposed to ask for a huge

watch I said they got big one big lawn big lawn big lawn yeah like number curry in a hurry take

Take it away.

All right, I'll jump in.

Don't forget to squeeze bond truth in there.

Don't work alone.

You're not cutting me open.

You're cutting me.

Call me.

Take out.

Sorry.

Do you have big lawn?

Big lawn?

Lawn.

Do you have lawn?

No, I need...

How big is your lawn there?

The lawn bread.

Lawn, stupid.

Yes, lawn.

L like local, A like area, N.

Lawn.

Well, I'm looking for lawn.

I like lawn bread.

Do you have the lawn, big pieces of lawn?

Let me let you talk to my cook.

Okay.

That's a big lawn.

Thanks.

Sir, I like lawn bread.

bread. Do you have any of that? How big do you get like the lawn? Can you make like a

large lawn bread? You know the lawn? L-A-N. Lawn. I went in once and I had this bread.

The guy said it's lawn. L-A-N. That's what I want. A big lawn.

Big lawn? Come over right now. I'll get a total for you.

Well, I need to make an order for lawn. How much is it?

Yeah, we got big lawn. Yeah, that's no problem.

Okay.

Actually, one, two, big lawn. You can have the lawn for?

What is it? I prefer fresh lawn.

Yeah, this is all fresh.

It is all fresh lawn.

You like it crispy? Extra crispy lawn?

Yeah, do you guys put onion on it or something? What is that?

We actually put some cream sauce on it.

Oh, that's good. Why, really? Like a yogurt?

Yeah.

Well, that sounds kind of good. I might like that.

Indian Pakistani cream sauce.

Indian Pakistani...

Pakistani cream sauce is very, very spicy, though.

Is it really? I've never heard of this before.

Maybe you know how to handle this one.

Does it taste good? I've never heard of it before. What's it called?

What's it called?

It's what?

What's it called?

Mecha askaboon.

Mecha, mecha ask, ask what?

Mecha, mecha, mecha ask out in, mecha, mecha askaboon.

In out.

Ask him if he has any bhenchod.

Do you have any bhenchod, sir?

Which one?

Bhenchod.

I can't hear.

Bhenchod.

Do you have any bhenchod?

Bhenchod?

Yes.

Hey, fuck your sister, bring your sister.

What is that, dude?

My sister doesn't have any arms, bitch.

Sister fucker.

My sister, my sister has no, you Pakistani, you fucking Pakistani bastard, my sister has no arms, that is fucked up, you make her what, you can't, you can't farm, she has no arms, you can't farm without arms, sure?

Tell him, Ted Amadilan, Ted, Ted Amadilan, Ted Amadilan, okay, Chinese Amadilan, what are you, American?

We said his mom's penis. That's what we said.

No, I'm not American, sir. I'm Samoan.

Oh, really?

My wife is Croatian-Italian. What do you think would be sufficient for her?

Would she like the lawn?

She's Croatian-Italian.

Would you suggest a lawn for her?

Would you suggest that she have the lawn?

Would it be too much for her?

She's never had lawn before.

And we've been married for four years, and she's never had lawn.

I've had plenty of lawn.

Oh, the lawn.

Oh, yes.

How much, it's about, sir?

How much do you charge for the square foot?

I'm tired of this.

I'm clearing the lawn.

Yeah, that was fun.

Terminate here.

Ryan, terminate the call.

All right, that was fun.

We had fun.

Terminate the call.

So what was that telling them now?

So, just for, okay, I got it, Milkman.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah, so they usually go off the handle when you say Bontude, yeah.

So Bonchute is sister fucker, or I fucked your sister?

Yeah.

Which one is it?

Bonchute is sister fucker.

Sister fucker.

Okay, so I called him a sister fucker, and he got a little upset at that one.

And then there was a third one that he got really riled up about.

What was that one?

Oh, the Terra Madi Lan, is that the one?

Yeah, what's that?

That's like your mom's penis or something.

Your mom's penis.

Wonderful, great.

And then, okay, yeah, because Lan, and Lan is penis also.

Who sent that number in?

Who sent that in?

Lonesome Loser sent that in.

That's curry in a hurry.

We're going to mark that here.

Milkman, please mark that on the show notes for tonight at 11, 10 p.m.

Please mark that.

All right, please mark that on the logs and the scrolls.

So very good, Hollywood.

We did good with that one.

I got the Himalayan kitchen here.

Do we know any curse words in Himalayan?

What do they speak there?

What do they speak in the Himalayas?

I don't know.

Probably Indian or something.

That guy was riled up, too.

Chinese.

Chinese in the Himalayas?

where are the Himalayas

in Tibet

that's China technically right

Tibet is the autonomous

Tibetan region

that's what the war has been

that's why they're killing all the people over there

that's what the whole deal is with the torch

they took it over

illegally

that's right I understand that it's a very

controversial area

boy China's really big on that

they got controversy with Tibet

they got controversy with Taiwan too

too, man. Anything with Thai in it,

you know, next thing you know, they're gonna

claim Thailand, you know, watch out.

And they're gonna claim ownership of the

Wu-Tang Clan, and it's just gonna be all over there,

because Brooklyn ain't gonna stand for that shit.

Fuck that.

Go to Walmart.

Well, Taiwan, you know, is the old Chinese

government that the communists

forced out.

That's right.

And they exiled them to the small little island,

but they still want to wipe them out.

They still owe them that much.

The true republic of China is the Taiwanese government, and they actually claim the name that they're China, right?

They say that we're China, and then China says that they're China.

The People's Republic says that they're China.

So is Taiwan even going to be in the Olympics this year in Beijing?

Are they boycotting it?

I would expect that they wouldn't go.

They're always so political about this.

Oh, God, no.

Taiwanese, they'll kill them on the spot.

They hate them that much.

Yeah, Taiwanese will kick the hell out of a Chinese, especially a Mandarin Chinese.

Watch out for that.

All right, we're going to call the Himalayan Kitchen.

Do you want to take this one, sir?

You take this one, and I'll come in if I need to.

Okay, then.

We're going to do that.

But I feel the hankering.

All right, you feel the hankering for the spankering.

You spankerate.

I want to say what's up to Matt.

Matt from the old Juke Kids is here, man.

I want to have a word with him.

I have a Facebook page that I never check out.

I don't do anything with it.

All I know is Athena has created it for me a long time ago.

I don't ever go on it.

I went on it for some off reason yesterday, and this guy, Matt, here, he drew a penis with, like, a cock and balls with a purple vein and everything on it, like, a year ago, and I'd never seen it, and I saw it, and I freaked out.

It scared me.

I want to tell you something, Matt.

That's creative.

That's not funny.

Because I went to do it to him, and he turned off.

You young boys keep that drawing up.

One day you'll be like me and Sean Ward.

He turned off graffiti on his wall, and I don't think that's fair, Matt.

So either you take that off my wall, or you let me draw something disgusting like that on your wall.

That's not nice, Matt.

You apologize for what you did.

We're not in speaking terms.

Yeah, Matt.

Man up and put your graffiti wall back up.

That's right.

Himalayan Kitchen coming up.

I'm taking this one, and then Hollywood's going to come in and finish on her face.

We'll be right back after this.

Is this the pension? Kitchen?

Yes, sir.

Catching. I'm crazy.

Hey, man, are you guys going to the Olympics this year?

Sorry?

Like, you guys are Thai bad, right?

You guys are Thai bad, right?

Dude, are you guys going to the Olympics?

You are? For real? Like, what sport? Diving?

What about, um, because I know you got beef with China and stuff.

I mean, it's cool. If you guys want to hang out at my place, I'm going to have the Freedom Games.

The Freedom Games, like, I got a pool, and I've got some horseshoes,

and then um and then a rod across the street it's got one of those blow-up basketball hoops so we're

going to have basketball but it's only half court only we can do um so i thought you tibetans could

take uh skins because i'll have the american team but we're kind of fat so we're going to do shirts

because i'm not about to get my skins and we can compete in basketball uh swimming we can do

diving like to do some cannonballs and stuff and in horseshoes and i think that's a fair

assessment because you guys got beef with china man that's cool you don't have to go over there

to china man so come over in august you know do you have any what would you like to compete in

diving do you guys have enough for like a do you have five how many people there total think be

into it because we could get uh some uh two two hand touch football too man we'll kick your ass

in that won't we yeah you're tight man you himalayans can't play football that's one thing

Throw you off that mountain, boy.

I'll truck you like a roach right over that mountain.

I'll go down with you, too, with me, going down the mountain like, ah, I'll be punching

you all the way down, motherfucker.

Your fingers smell like, man.

Answer the point.

This guy here, you better answer him.

He's upset.

He's a guy that's got the basketball hoop we're going to play on.

I think you're a crazy guy.

No, we're, honestly, we're starting the freedom games because we think China is out of hand.

We think it's bullshit what they're doing.

They caused that cyclone machine to hit, that Myanmar stuff.

stuff and i saw that last rambo movie and it was over there in burma and i saw what that's like

fuck that shit they look all chinese to me those motherfuckers trying to shoot rambo

fuck that shit rambo kick some ass so you gonna be part of our rainbow games or not man

over the world tonight to invite people to the to the rainbow games is that we're gonna call it

yeah let's call the uk and invite them to the rainbow games you know one of our main events

is going to be to see it dribble up your...

That is gay.

Dude, what is with the gay tonight?

Everyone's the gay tonight.

I'm messing with you, man.

That is cool.

Very good black guy, too.

Stop being gay.

That's right.

Stop being gay.

Real quickly here,

Bad Boys of Iowa are checking in.

Hey, man, get off the phone

so Bad Boys Jr. can prank.

Come on, he says.

Take it easy, Bad Boys of Iowa.

There's still plenty of show left for the night.

Who?

Do not worry.

Some white boy, man.

Don't worry about it.

It's cool.

Some white kid.

You want a prank, they say.

Good for you.

We'll see.

Anyway, Matt is commenting on my hat.

This is the MadhouseLive.com hat available at the Madhouse store over at Madhouse Radio

website, MadhouseLive.com.

And don't forget to visit the forums where we do have...

Sean Ward, last week.

I got your UK wake-up call.

That's right.

98 years...

Yeah, and honestly, I agree with Saigon.

He said that's the oldest person he ever heard pranked.

As far as I can remember, that's the only oldest person that I've ever pranked.

We've never pranked Milkman.

he's technically he's a part of the show so he doesn't count so technically that's old definitely

old as a woman we were prank called i don't know how old is charlie patton milkman he's only like

70 or something right i heard that again this week man i think he's like 76 something like

76 or something 76 77 but really uh milkman let's try to get any number for that guy let's see if

we can we can talk to charlie patton i also wanted to say to everybody out there trying to get the

the number again uh-huh yeah well you said we had it but his wife wouldn't put us through right she

was cock blocking us right wasn't that what was going on right but but we don't yeah but when we

tried calling the number later remember it was disconnected disconnected visit really oh shit

so we've lost him so there's a worldwide search everybody there's a five dollar bounty anybody

who can give me the phone number for charlie patten if you can find it out there please send

it in we will give you a five dollar uh spoof card but for five madhouse minutes yes i will

Well, you'll have, that's enough for 60 spoof card minutes

and also a copy of the new CD autographed, an advance copy.

Is it down in price?

I thought it was $10 for 60 minutes.

I don't know.

Is it?

No, it's $10.

It is $10.

I'm sorry.

Well, you get $5 for 30 minutes.

We'll buy a $10 gift card, use 30 minutes of it.

There you go.

We'll give you the card.

We're going to take the first half, the top half.

Wilson Looser sending in numbers for Chinese restaurants.

We'll give you an official Florida spoof card.

We've got Shanghai Chinese restaurant here in Washington.

I know you have a thing you do with Chinese people all the time.

Yeah.

Hollywood, would you care to call a Chinese restaurant, sir?

Should we have Sir Big Johnson call in again?

Yeah, definitely.

But tell her that we're challenging an open challenge,

that we're doing this competition called the Rainbow Games.

Joop says, hey, Carlito, can you blow me kisses on the air?

Like, look into the camera and blow me a kiss.

Everybody, this is the gay show tonight, apparently.

Everywhere we go, we talk about anal stuff and kissing, men kissing on this show.

Now, what is this, juke?

And you're going to make people cry.

Yeah, I don't like this.

That is enough, everybody.

We got people calling in saying, now this, now douche says he's gay.

No wonder he's never calling with a woman.

Stop it, everybody.

You're going to make someone cry.

Fuck, dude.

All right, anyway, we're going to call the Shanghai Chinese restaurant thing.

Hollywood, go to your IRC.

I'm sending you the details for these numbers.

I'm going to call the Shanghai restaurant first, and then we'll call that Chinese and pizza.

That sounds kind of fun.

Chinese and pizza do not mix, just like chicken and pizza do not mix.

Do not eat the chicken pizza.

I will slap you.

We'll be right back with the next prank call of the night in just a moment, folks.

Hi, this is Big Johnson, and we are extending an invitation to come and join and be a part of our Rainbow Games.

We're wondering if you would have at least three people from your restaurant that could come in and be a part of this.

Oh, man, I gave my son for you.

Yes, who is this? I thought you had a girl's name, I'm sorry.

My name is Summer Big Johnson, and we are with the Rainbow Games that are here in town,

and I was wondering if you would be willing to have at least three people from your restaurant

to come in and be a part of our Rainbow Games.

A Rainbow Games?

Yes, we're going to be in Townsend, Washington, and probably next week,

so if you could get somebody ready, available, at least three people, two people at the minimum,

And we need to have them at least with their anal stretched out at least probably four inches.

And also, if you could have anybody that has ever had a gerbil and danced really good, come as well.

Oh, no.

Well, it's okay.

You can pass, but here's the deal.

If you do, we will boycott your restaurant, and you will not have any more business.

Well, we will not have what?

We will boycott your restaurant, and you will never get business ever again.

We will shut you down if you do not become part of our rainbow game.

So basically, you know, you can either be a part of it or we'll kill you.

That's okay. We're too busy.

Okay, well, if you're too busy, that's fine.

You won't be busy in about three weeks when we shut you down, though.

What do you mean? It's just like a threat?

No, no, it's not a threat.

Should I call the police?

I don't know. Should you?

I don't know. Should I?

I'm not threatening anything.

I just wanted to know.

We need three people from your restaurant to be part of our Rainbow Games, okay?

Okay, well, I'm going to send a sponsor down tomorrow, okay, to give you some information.

And you need to speak to Ken, right?

You're Ken?

Okay, excuse me, sir.

Do you guys also take, can I place an order?

We lost a patient there, sir.

Place a call.

Place what?

I said place anyway.

Yeah.

Stupid.

Here we go with an owl.

That was pretty good, though.

Not bad.

We got Burl Powell here.

Or we can also call the, let's call the Ballard Mandarin Chinese.

Okay.

Or, well, no, you've got them there.

Which one would you prefer?

You see, there's three other ones here we haven't called yet.

You tell me what you want to do, do you?

Lai Lai Garden Chinese Restaurant.

Lai Lai Garden Chinese in Airway Heights, Wah, which means Washington, I understand.

Right back with the next prank call of the night, folks.

Wait, just a moment, please.

Hello?

I told her to go, okay?

Here's my order.

Do you guys...

We have pork, chicken, pork, fried rice, and an egg roll.

You're a lot of pork, aren't you?

You're not kosher, are you?

You know what?

Here's my order for you.

I need you to come and be a part of our summer, uh, games that we're having here.

Sleek bowl games.

We will be there.

We'll be here in town.

Two people from your fabulous bowl games.

Thank you.

Excuse me?

No.

Even a nightmare?

Put something there that can help clear this up.

A glass of water to calm it down.

Yeah, we did.

That's one.

All right, that's doing a...

That's pretty good.

Cough.

You just feel a cough like that.

You gotta do that.

You gotta put some force into it, man.

Yeah.

Sounded good.

Good.

Very convincing.

Thank you, thank you.

All right, you want to do one more here?

We'll do one more.

It's not going too well for me.

It's not been bad.

Don't worry about it, man.

It's entertainment nonetheless.

Burl Powell or Richard Powell are available in England,

or we can call another Chinese.

What do you say?

Yeah, let's do a Powell.

Powell.

Burl or Richard?

Richard Powell, Telford, Shropshire, England.

Coming up in a moment, folks, the next prank of the night.

Thank you for listening.

Madhouse Radio Thursday, 11.34 p.m.

Friday is almost still the unofficial start of the work day,

the most slacker-friendly day of the week, Friday.

It's always fun to slap on a Friday, you know. Feels good.

Well, we get to wear jeans, so we don't need to slap.

I don't know.

Is this ACDC?

Yeah. Folks, we'll be right back in a moment.

I had to call the vendor in Chinese.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

Uh, yes, ma'am. Hello, my name is Richard. Is that okay?

You can order right now.

Wonderful. Now, um, I'd like a...

You want a crispy beef and a beef broccoli?

Broccoli.

And a mushy beef with a pancake, okay? Like that. Like that.

She's just walking right there like, oh, yeah, it's a pancake. You want a pancake?

Yeah, all right, dude.

Thanks for the editing work, too, man.

It's much appreciated.

I'll probably be sending them on.

I'll do what I can.

Yeah, you saved my ass this week,

although you did leave some stuff in it,

but it's fine.

It's not a big deal.

Yeah, I've got to get at work.

No, it's perfect, though,

because I wasn't able to do the podcast this week

because I was so busy with some other stuff.

So you actually helped out quite a bit.

Thank you very much, man.

Sure, sure, sure.

Catch you later.

All right, Hollywood.

Hollywood, the Hollywood guy.

Hollywood Vanja.

Calling in, and you can call in, too, next on

1-888-278-8509.

That is a toll-free line here.

1-888-278-8509.

I do not have a toll-free, a toll-free, I do not have an international phone card.

My phone, I unplugged my phone while I was moving stuff around here, and it lost its memory.

And in the same process, I lost all the logs for the last month with Lonesome Loser,

so I don't have the ability to find the number and the PIN that I use for international cards, international calls.

Unless, Milkman, you said you had one running around, didn't you?

I think you mentioned that earlier tonight, right?

You had a phone card around there that we might be able to use soon?

Yeah, I do, but I don't have it handy, man.

We'll be okay.

We have plenty of other numbers we can do.

Let's go ahead and take a break here.

We're going to take a break, as I said.

Well, now, let's do one more prank call first.

I wanted to call one here called the Pinocchio's Pizza.

I don't really have an idea for that, but I would like to discuss that a little bit.

Pinocchio's Pizza, this one's out of Pasadena, California.

We've got a caller already here.

Jesus.

Madhouse Radio, you're on the machine.

Speaking, how may I help you?

Yes, sir, who's this?

Bad Boy Junior.

That's cool, man, good for you.

What are you doing?

I'm at Carlito right now.

Okay.

Does he know you or something?

What?

Does he know you or something?

He needs to turn down the speakers in the background.

Oh, yeah, he knows the other...

Yeah, you got to turn the speakers...

Hey, what's up to Carlito?

Can you turn your radio...

Can you turn those speakers down in the background?

Well, yeah, you got to turn that down.

I got to transfer you through to the studio.

Who is this?

Bad Boy Junior.

Junior. All right, well, turn that down

and I'll see if I can put you through. Hurry up.

The bad boys guy here. Let's fuck around with this guy

a little bit. Make him hope for

three hours. Yeah. So anyway, folks,

if you're listening, you can call us in here toll-free

tonight, 1-888-278-8509.

Again, the toll-free line here tonight is

1-888-278-8509.

This. This.

Boys Junior, what's going on? What's up?

Okay. What can we do for you? What's up? Okay, hang on.

I'm going to try through. Boys Junior, you're on the air. How you doing, man?

Good deal. All right. You want to do a prank call right here?

Where are you from?

Let me check this.

From Iowa.

All right.

It passes.

Okay.

You got a request here.

Do you want to call, like, what?

Do you want to call a pizza place?

How does that sound?

Okay, sure, whatever.

You're good at prank calls?

Okay.

All right.

So you're going to call Pinocchio's Pizza.

It's right up your alley because you sound like you're about 12 years old, all right?

That's what I say.

All right, man.

Hey, so do you play Xbox or PlayStation or Nintendo?

I play Xbox.

I mean, I have a Wii, but we don't play that much of us.

Cool.

Do you like that Halo 3?

Yeah.

What's up with that GTA 4?

You're not getting it?

Well, maybe you're maybe you're a little too young for that. Anyway, we'll see you. Hang on. Hang on didn't go anywhere

We all we have like all the other GTA so shit. Oh my god. That's fucking cool. All right. Hang on. Go ahead

Okay, son not good at all and to bring the pain

Don't feel bad

Dirty Sanchez when you're having a sex act with a woman you stick your finger in your ass

You get some of that wet shit on your finger, and you do, you know when you do the mustache face on a picture of a person?

You do the one, the two for the mustache, and then you do the two for the goatee with your own shit.

That is a dirty Sanchez, sir.

Then she asked me to give her an Alabama hot pot, and I was a little lean.

What about the Cleveland Steamer?

That's the nasty one right there.

Or a Blumpkin, even.

That's even, that was, you know what a Blumpkin is?

Oh, yeah, yeah, what are those?

What are those?

What do you do for those?

Blumpkin is when you're sitting on the toilet taking a shit and she's giving you a head at the same time, dog.

Nothing wrong with that.

And don't you ever fucking pay more than 30 bucks for that off the street.

You understand?

Yeah, big guy voice says enough.

All right, well, you need to learn these things.

You don't never pay more than 30 bucks for a Blumpkin, all right, kid?

You got it.

You made it.

And take it from me.

Don't use condoms because they take away all the feelings to it, man.

And take care of yourself, kid.

Yeah, sure, put him on.

He's such a prank machine.

Why don't you?

It's good.

God, it's loud there, man.

Background?

Yeah, what is that?

360 the game what Call of Duty 4 did that a little bit is that the one don't they have the stage that's in like

Some kind of Russian ship or something where it's raining at night. Yeah ship and shit

You want to do a prank call? I'm not gonna let you go because it's very loud. It's cool

It was good to talk to you. Take care, man

They finally called in and what what about weak sauce God is fucking loud those kids retarded over there God's

Dude, they had the background

playing those

listen to the show.

That's what that noise was.

It's that time of year.

They're all like,

they're out of school

and they're like all,

you know,

their parents are probably

out working late

because they got two jobs

because they got,

they can't afford that

mortgage, all that.

Don't amch up, you know.

You know, yeah.

So they're all,

they're probably drinking

Mountain Dews and balls

and playing Xbox 360 all night.

It'll be so fucking annoying.

And now whenever you go

on your lunch break

to the store or to the mall,

there's going to be kids there

and they make fun of you.

There's a monkey phone boy

that's all hopping around.

yeah they're starting to make their they can do you know they're all look at us anyway so matt

says it wasn't him but they're cool oh you know we're at cnn back just saying yeah yeah i know i

know what you're saying sir i know what you're saying hey i said i was gonna take a break god

damn it i gotta take a number one no number two just a number one milkman that's your favorite

number right milkman what do you prefer to do number one number two talk about it and do it

what's your favorite milkman milkman has no number three number three number three wow that

That is one right there.

I don't know what bodily fluid that is.

Milkman likes to cut himself.

Anyway, we'll be right back in about five minutes.

This is Madhouse Radio.

You're listening to us on wherever the fuck it is you're listening to us.

We got a lot of people listening tonight.

We're up in the 50s and 60s.

Milkman, stop rambling, man.

We're up in the 50s and 60s.

I want to thank everyone who's listening to us tonight.

Also, be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

Check out our archives, our forums.

I did add a new entry

to the Madhouse Wikipedia

Crazy Fucker from California

has been added to the Madhouse Wiki

be sure to check that out

and there will be some more additions coming up this weekend as well

a lot of prank calls

going up there

the Madhouse TV room is up

so be sure to check out all the changes

over at the new and revamped

MadhouseLive.com

website

join the forums, register, post in there

a lot of action going on in there

and of course the newsletter and the podcast

all out there for you to enjoy when we come back we have a lot more numbers to take care of here

here excuse me we got the phone card coming in from los angeles for international calls

awesome we've got the uh the powell residences of richard duncan and beryl powell we also have

duncan lindsey and those are all in england on top of that we have big bob's liquor big bob's

liquor that's in california al lahab lahabra lahabra something like that anyway so we'll be

back in about uh what did i say now five minutes maybe more like six give me a little bit because

i need to you know wash my hands and stuff i'm gonna make a sandwich it's sandwich time everybody

here at madhouse live.com it's the sandwich break we'll be right back as i said do not go anywhere

we love you all eat it too motherfucker that's gonna make it gotta eat a damn sandwich

which, yes, radio will be back right after this.

I sit alone in my four-cornered room staring at candles.

The message is on.

We drop some shit like this here.

Dial.

Our two-pack.

Take a special dialing wand.

Please match the keypad with your palm.

Now.

All right, I will do that right here.

That's what it sounds like when I do that.

Hey, everybody, Madhouse Radio is back.

What's going on, folks?

Hey, Doug.

When I wake, I don't see that motherfucker.

And he's got a black suit and a cane like my own.

Some might say, take a chill beat.

But fuck that shit, because there's a nigger trying to kill me.

That would scare me.

That's right.

If he can say it, I can, okay?

I'm Puerto Rican.

I can say that.

Anyway, folks, if you want to call us again tonight, you can.

1-888-278-8509.

just make sure you're not in British Columbia

we will be

doing some more prank calls here

ending the show here rather soon

this is almost midnight

we're just about at the end of our contract time on the air

we didn't really get into

any news articles here tonight I can go through

them real quick here rapid fire

just want to say what's up to Big Jim

Jim is asking how much the CDs are going to be

sir I don't know yet

I will be announcing that next week probably

no idea yet how much they're going to be

but very inexpensive i'm shooting for four maybe five bucks a cd if that we'll see what happens

you can download it for free we recommend a one dollar donation and you can get an actual signed

copy for maybe four or five bucks maybe six i don't know i have to do the math i gotta figure

out what it's gonna cost to cover the cost whatever all right so in the news let's see

what i tag here we got a lot of articles here from mr kokany himself or it's fucking snowing

right now in vancouver man can you believe that it's still snowing it's may 8th and it's snowing

they got like some kind of crazy ass anyway oh i

wanted to mention here we're talking about there's in

in uh mine minamar minamar minamar um wherever that minamar anyway where they had this huge

uh huge big uh um thing the cyclone that hit him a lot of people died of course it's very sad

but i did want to know here's something that i read uh regarding uh what you know the type of

relief that they're they're trying to get out there uh take a look at this here a world food

program plane carrying high energy biscuits landed in myanmar or myanmar i don't know how you

pronounce it man whatever i don't i'll be honest with you i don't listen i don't watch tv news i

don't listen to radio news for the most part um i just read my news online not to sound all snobby

being I'm I'm the fucking internet guy but I just I dislike television news I think it's all a bunch

of bullshit horse shit I just like to read it I would and I don't even I don't even like the

newspapers not that I don't like reading a paper I just think that most of the newspapers are owned

by stupid companies also just like they're no better than the TV you know get get your own

news itself uh Jim says Fark yeah I hit Fark I hit and I've really because I used to work for one

a newspaper that is.

Really?

Well, there's different kinds of newspapers, you know, but, yeah.

What I'm getting at, FARC is out there, of course,

but, I mean, I am a liberal.

I consider myself a liberal, a Democrat,

but I do like Drudge Report.

Drudge Report is a fair news source, I think.

Very impartial.

People seem to think that it has a very, you know, pro-Republican bent.

I don't know.

But I go for that also.

I get a lot of news from there.

And, of course, dig.com is a great source of news as well for me.

There's other sources there as well, but that's really all I stick to.

I get, I stay pretty well informed, I think.

I do pretty well for myself.

I listen to a little NPR.

But anyway, so as I'm saying here, high-energy biscuits, they're bringing them into Myanmar.

However, I've got, if I'm mispronouncing it, whatever, don't make fun of me.

But seriously, high-energy biscuits, what are those and can I get some?

I really what are they what do they make high energy biscuits out of like what Red Bull and

and wheat flour how do you make a high energy biscuit and is it sugar-free because I could

use some of those for breakfast you know I might actually go out and try to get some

I want to spread the word out if anybody out there can give me some information on high energy

biscuits on what they're what they consist of and what especially I would like to know the sugar

content and the carbohydrate content of a high energy biscuit and where I can get it I'm thinking

great things i like to you know have high energy biscuits and gravy and stuff like that they sound

like they might be kind of tasty so please look into that for me if you can't um in other news

let's see what else we got here um we already did the charles barkley thing we can go ahead

and take that off did you know that um did you know you can order pizza online now when did this

start and has anybody out of this out of the people we hear now milkman baz ted and tuck have

any of you ordered with any success pizza online from the major chains like papa john's pizza

a hundred dominoes at all i just drove by once and i just said order online but i haven't tried

it out yet i think it'd be fun it might be fun but i i don't trust it because you know here i'll be

honest with you the my first i don't really trust the whole thing where you buy online and then go

pick it up or you buy online locally but i took a chance on the tv that i just bought the samsung

that i bought here recently i per i went to circuit city.com saw a good deal paid for it

online um i got an email immediately confirming my order and it said we're gonna send your request

give us 15 minutes you're gonna get a message back from your local store sure enough in like

five minutes i get an email back to my phone you know to my i have a smartphone i have a pda

uh and uh you know it has windows mobile on it hits up my phone it says your you know your item

number blah blah blah blah blah is ready to be picked up and i'm at the mall at this point

i'm like oh okay i wasn't expecting to get it for like maybe you know a day or something i'm like

okay you know so i get you know i finish my shopping in the mall i get out i go to circuit

city i go straight to the counter and i say yeah and i pull up my phone and i i say i've got order

number blah blah blah blah blah and she's okay just one minute five minutes later you know nice

strong kid you know comes out with my tv it's already in the front and he takes it out to my

car and i leave on my merry way i didn't have to stand in line didn't have to flag down anybody

body uh go through the whole thing where they're like oh you want to get the service protection

you need to get the monster cables i went in i got my tv out in like record time 10 minutes

unheard of in my life that's the first experience i ever had with that now pizza is another thing i

would be kind of apprehensive of doing that um if this show wasn't on so late i'd actually try

to do it on the air maybe we'll try some afternoon to do a uh order online pizza so i interrupted i

I walked all over that.

I'm sorry, guys.

Milkman, you said that you've seen it, but you never tried it.

What about the rest of you?

Baz, have you tried it?

I haven't, but you know the game EverQuest 2?

Yeah, you can order pizza through it, right?

Yeah, they have a pizza command, I guess.

I've never played it, but I was reading about it.

That's just crazy.

Yeah, when it came out, I heard you could do, like, slash pizza,

and it would, I think, dominoes.

You could order pizza, you know, right from the game.

You wouldn't have to leave the game.

And it'd come right in.

And that's pretty bad.

That's pretty bad.

Anyway, according to this article here, it's a huge thing.

I had no idea.

But they're starting to see a lot of sales.

Last year, Papa John's reported $400 million in online pizza sales, apparently.

So it's a big – actually, no, I'm sorry.

More than $1 billion they say that they've made.

Is that all together?

Wait a minute.

In the past seven years, Louisville Papa John's International has made a lot – no, okay.

Okay, more than $1 billion in the last seven years.

I see.

last year they made 400 million um in online pizza sales apparently it's a big thing now i'm gonna

have to try that one they don't you know order it online i would just be afraid that they would

never get the order i mean it's crazy how this shit works now uh mobile rasta says uh papa john's

is really good about their online orders make sure you specify how many sauce packets you want

okay good deal good deal i actually order my pizza from pizza hot or wherever i order from i always

tell them might i don't want a lot of sauce on it because they overdo the sauce the only way that

that i can find major franchise crap you know pizza palatable is if they don't put as much

sauce in it that's like the first step you know if not it's just way too watery and unnatural it's

best to go to your local mom and pop shop get your pizza there spend a little bit more money

but get a more quality pie i'm sure all you people up north in new york and stuff take it so

fucking seriously that you know what i'm talking about um milkman you're a fan of the pizza what

What are your favorite toppings, sir?

You can't beat it.

Yeah, well, some people say Chicago.

I am preferential.

I do prefer a good New York greasy pizza.

I love it.

I don't care if it's bad for you, nice and flat.

You know when they use that flour on the dough,

and when it comes out, it's got that flour kind of coating to the bottom

like it's been kind of like powdered a little bit.

You know what I'm saying?

When it comes out of that brick oven, you know,

and you're eating it and you get the flour on your fingers

and yeah i just it's something about you know that new york pizza it's good good stuff man

good stuff jim says yes pizza delivery got a shitload of spam no kidding well jim says he

got a shitload of spam after he did an online delivery and pizza i wouldn't i wouldn't doubt

that i wouldn't put it past him to do that bastards we're not getting my order hey that's

hawaiian pizza if it's got spam on it yeah they're a japanese that's a big thing too they love spam

it's like and koreans too love spam love all that shit you know what i'm saying

I was in Pizza Hut once, and it had some kind of...

My wife makes spam rice and eggs for breakfast.

Rice and eggs? That doesn't sound too bad, though, spam rice and eggs. I'd do that.

It's pretty good.

Yeah, does your wife make that ever? Is that one of her comfort foods kind of things?

Yeah, we get that for breakfast every once in a while.

I might try that one day. I'm going to get a female to pick up a can of spam next time she's at the grocery store.

I'm going to write that down on the refrigerator there, see if she'll do that. That sounds kind of fun.

Yeah, you guys use it.

I went to a Filipino restaurant the other day, and they use a lot of pineapple, a lot of fruit in it, I noticed.

And it's not good for me.

I can't have that.

I noticed a lot of their stuff had, like, pieces of pineapple and stuff like that.

Hawaiians do that, too.

Maybe I'm...

Yeah.

Yeah, it's good stuff.

I can't have it.

Anyway, so continuing on, let's do a prank call.

They've got a sausage that's made with...

Let's say they have a sausage that is sweet with pineapple juice.

It's pretty good.

Really?

Hmm.

That sounds kind of good.

I know, like a sweet sausage almost, huh?

That doesn't sound too bad.

I lost the fucking chat room.

Are you kidding me?

Yes, sir.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I lost the chat room.

Hang on, folks.

Let me fix that.

Oh.

You're banned now, man.

I'm not banned now, Milkman.

I'm just, uh...

Ha ha ha.

This sucks.

Anyway, the next prank call of the night is coming right up.

Who are we calling here?

Yeah, we're calling this one number here.

We got the number of prank requests from last week has been resubmitted.

Apparently, when we tried to call this lady last week, she was on the phone with somebody else.

We got confirmation of that.

And we've got some more news we'll talk about here soon.

We're going to be ending the show in a moment.

But I did want to try to make another attempt because I promised this dude I was going to try to call this lady who works for the newspaper.

Who gets rather upset, you know, if you ask her to, you know, report about stuff that's outside of her local.

It's some small, crappy little newspaper.

Anyway, let's go to Joey out there, the popcorn colonel himself.

This is for Michelle.

This is to Michelle, rather.

We'll be right back with the next prank of the night, everybody.

How you doing there, sweetie?

Sweetie, I'd like to see if I could discuss with you something about the Independent.

What?

I'd like to discuss something with you about the Independent, sweetie.

What about the Independent?

Well, I want to make you an offer.

I'm making an alternative newspaper called The Mouth,

and I'm looking for a new director to get this off the ground.

I'm wanting to see what kind of offer I can make.

Whatever the Independent's offering you, I'll offer you twice of it.

I'm with News Corp. We're starting up a new newspaper here in the area.

I'm willing to make you any offer you need.

You can come highly recommended.

You know this town like no one else does, my dear.

Michelle.

Michelle?

What do you think?

I mean, I know you're tired.

You wake up every morning.

You don't want to go into that damn place.

You know how they treat you there.

I've heard the rumors.

You know the guy that keeps coming on to you?

You know who I am.

I look at you.

I see you.

I like your curves.

You have a nice curvature, sweetheart.

You have your pen and paper handy?

I want you to write down a story.

Are you ready?

First line.

Steve Rondonero has a crush.

Second line.

With Michelle.

Michelle, third line, will you marry me, yes or no?

What?

And then put a little checkbox next to the yes and next to the no.

What?

I'm proposing marriage to you, and I want you to make it public in the newspaper for everybody.

Tubes are wrinkling up. They're starting to get long in the tooth.

You know, the longer you wait, the more chance the baby has of getting Down syndrome.

Oh, that is horrible.

Well, that's true. You're pushing 40, right?

I'm not pushing 40.

You're getting long. You're 30, sweetheart. You better start getting to pumping, if you know what I mean.

That is not nice.

Well, do you want a Down syndrome, baby, or not?

I don't want a retard child, so we need to start getting this thing.

Because I'm a classic man.

I'm Lutheran.

I don't get a girlfriend until she's married.

I mean, we're not allowed to get married when she's pregnant already.

By then, it's too late.

Got to go to the J-O-P, Justice of the Peace, baby.

So what do you say?

You and me, we get married, we make it public.

But you have to...

Wow.

Or another thing, I'll tell you what.

We don't have to get married first, but we do have to go together for you to get a mammogram.

Wow, okay.

Would that be okay?

You're pushing 30.

You're in 30s, right?

I am in 30s.

Well, you see, you're getting to 40, and you know, you want to have a kid.

You think about it sometimes, right, about getting it good, like I could do for you.

How far back does the leg bend on you?

It blows my mind thinking about how I'm going to impregnate you.

and how like when i'm doing the sex thing when i'm going in it i think in my head i think about

the sperm actually going inside the egg that's what i think about right there like it turns me

on just the act of conception you know of the zygote mutating into the where does it go from

that i don't know you know it's just i i picture this uh the cell splitting you know that footage

you've seen of the cell splitting and the four and then the eight oh man i just i put that in

of my head i just start pumping away it's like sure sure sure thing baby i mean i'm telling you

i will give you a handsome i've got dark hair i'm a i'm croatian italian so you know i'm hot

i'm very sexy i make thirty two thousand dollars a year i drive a dodge stratus you drive sweetie

did you have to check out the stratus plenty of room in the back seat too you know i'm saying

right oh yeah we need plenty of space for the you know right the baby oh yeah you know i'm saying

So you're down with this, right? You're interested in it, eh?

Right.

Okay. So, I mean, what prefaces would you like? I mean, I can shave.

Would you, I mean, I've got some hair in my back, but I can take care of that.

I mean, I'm willing to go whatever's best to make you feel comfortable.

If you would like to have a steak dinner first, or a prime rib,

I hear that clams are, you know, make a woman excited down there for impregnation.

Maybe.

be i'm open to the whole turkey baster thing too if you just want to you know have a sham marriage

or something you can be my beard wow i mean me and you get together we get married and we can

take over the media in this fucking town of paradise valley right you know nothing's gonna

we'll control the media we'll show these damn liberals who's gonna take the white house you

know right because let me tell you something we're going to washington then we're going to oregon

and we're going to Texas and we're going to Iowa and Idaho and Michigan and Wisconsin and Florida

and Georgia and Mississippi and then we're going to Washington DC to take back the White House

so number one plan marriage number two marriage number number two pregnant number three for power

number four consolidation of local media number five gay agenda number six presidential nomination

imagination i it's a b c d e f g that an a through g plan to the white house dude unstoppable me and

you unstoppable force right we'll be two of the four horsemen i don't know what about what about

vice president is there a rule in there that says the president can't be fucking the vice president

you must like to be on top well we can do that and we can do that in the corolla to be honest

with you yeah do you have one of those saddle seats that come down in the back i sit on that

Yeah, and you sit in my lap.

That's all.

Put your hands on top of the roof of that thing.

I'm going to go.

Okay.

Have a good night.

All right, baby.

I don't know what the fuck I was doing with that creepy-ass prank call.

Anyway, I think I'm done.

Wow.

I don't know.

Wow.

Right.

She was a pretty good sport.

Yeah, she was pretty good.

I tried to throw her off a few times there.

She's all game.

I really think she would go for it.

I think she's attracted by my Hispanic, my Puerto Rican-ness,

And my broad shoulders

She can tell over the phone

I told her I have, you know

Dark hair

I have a nice set of hair

I have beautiful hair

It's a shame I have to cover it here

For you people with my

MadhouseLive.com hat

Which you can buy over at the

MadhouseLive.com store

At MadhouseLive.com forward slash store

Milk Mano

What's up, bro?

What's up, man?

Got wavy black hair

Wavy black hair

Who's that?

Are you on the pot, dude?

What's going on?

You sound a little winded there

What are you doing?

You're on a treadmill?

I know you're not on a treadmill, fatty.

What are you doing?

Zeppelin.

All right, take it easy, man.

I hear you.

You're peaking.

Take it easy.

What's the name of the song?

Oh, God.

What's the song?

Wavy Black Hair?

I don't have that.

I don't have Wavy Black Hair.

Yeah, you do.

You always play it, Ding Dong.

No, I don't.

I've never played that song.

What are you talking about?

I do not have lead.

I do not have wavy.

No.

No, no, no, no, sir.

I don't know.

I have.

I'll tell you what I got here for Led Zeppelin.

Do you have anything from Dark Side of the Moon by Zeppelin?

I do.

I'm looking here.

I've got, fuck, let me see.

I'm looking for Have a Cigar, When You Were Here, Learning to Fly, Maroon Mother, One of These Days, The Dogs of War.

Here we go.

Here's close enough.

I'll play this for you.

The Dogs of War from Led Zeppelin, all right?

There you go.

All right, hang on.

and we're going to do the next prank call of the night.

This is going to be...

I'm not stupid, Tuck. I know what you're

trying to do, okay? Nice try, buddy.

Anyway, we'll be right back

in a moment.

Pink Floyd is who we're

talking to. Pink Floyd is who we're listening

to, rather. Okay, anyway. Man, I've got a

huge fucking confusion here when it comes

to prank call numbers and stuff. Hey, Tuck,

don't kick the Carlito one.

I fixed it, alright? I'm back in there now. Don't

panic. No need to do that.

Something is up with the new MIRC.

I couldn't kick you in it anyway.

You asshole.

All right, here we go.

Big Bob's Liquor.

This one's in La Habra, California.

Did we ever call it before?

I don't think we did, did we?

Did we ever get to that?

Maybe we did.

I don't know.

Okay, we'll call Duncan Lindsey.

Duncan Lindsey in the UK.

Just a moment for the next prank of the night.

...on itself.

You got to twist it and twist it.

That's just to hold the cord, just let it go and let it spin by itself.

It's fun.

It's like...

Lindsey, I'm calling from the International Freedom Games Commission.

We're going to be boycotting China.

and we want to invite you sir to come and join in the basketball we're going to be doing half

court basketball cannonball diving and nintendo wii tennis and golf i'm sorry in the uk you know

what i installed this new thing it tells me the time anywhere in the world dude it is nine it is

is 5 26 a.m in the uk 5 27 just now isn't it fucking right dude check this out man you're

you're an athlete so i know you're up early eating your power bars making your oatmeal your egg white

omelet with olive oil getting ready to hit the track i know how it is dude i'm there i'll be up

there soon i just finished my night workout four hours from now i'll be up warming up for my morning

workout dude i'm all about it all right so hey i want to invite you to come over we're having an

alternative to those beijing games i don't recognize china because i don't trust that we

kick their ass in vietnam and then i hell i'm gonna let the olympics get by so we're boycotting

in the olympics in china we're gonna have our own freedom games here in my backyard dude i talked

to this pakistanian indian guy he's coming this this chinese lady from hong kong is coming and

now i'm trying to get the uk up in this action speak up speak up what that was that that was a

big okay we'll try a different one then richard powell richard powell's in wellington with

shorshire shire england or some shit like that oh so many shires what's all the shires over there

huh, you know what I'm saying, stay away from the shires, uh, guys, okay, um, speaking of

music here, I had a request a long time ago from Big Joop for some Farside, I got a few

Farside songs, but by, by all means, my favorite Farside song is Runnin', I'm gonna play that

here right now, real quick, here it is, we'll be right back with the next prank call of

the night, another English wake-up call, probably the last call of the night coming up right

now, I don't know, man, Saigon's bringing up Long Dong, whatever happened to him, he's

He's dead, man.

Mr. Powell, how are you doing, sir?

Steve Rondonero, what's going on?

Steve Rondonero from the States.

How are you, my brother?

It's early in the morning, isn't it?

It's like 5.30, sir.

Come on, get real.

It's not that early, dude.

You should be up by now, an athlete like you.

How are you doing, sir?

Are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

How are you?

I'm good.

I'm just calling to make sure you're in good health.

I'm inviting you to the Rainbow Games here in the States.

I wanted you to see if you can compete in the Rainbow Games, sir.

Do me a favor.

Hang on, let me try that real quick.

No, I can't.

Mr. Powell, sounds like you're about to drop dead, old man.

Come on.

Fucking Christ, let's try to call him back.

Probably the last call of the night here, unless I get inspired.

How dare you hang up on me?

Oh, what are they going to get after?

You can do that too.

What do you got?

Come on, old man.

You can play Simon all night, dude.

You're going to apologize right now on the phone to me.

Do me a favor.

I'm inviting you...

What the fuck?

I'm inv...

Why don't you drop dead, old man?

First, sir, I'm inviting you over to my house to use my pool and to give you a fucking gold medal.

And what do you...

How do you treat me?

You slap me in the face.

How do you think I feel?

Huh?

What do you want?

I want you to come over to my house and use my pool.

He's going to have a blessed day, isn't he?

Last guy, that guy.

That's a pretty horsey laugh.

He must smoke or something.

Anyway, we got breaking news here.

Apparently, our news director, Kokini, has said, is reporting,

Iraqi police commandos captured the leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq

in a raid in the northern city of Mosul.

Iraqi officials said Thursday,

day and what could mark a significant blow to the sunni insurgency and its last urban stronghold

who is the leader of al-qaeda now they've killed like four of them homeboy is this the last leader

of al-qaeda i'm hoping that there's no who's going to be the next one they're going to have

to recruit another there's going to be another draft in the in another war of terror draft or

something i don't know whatever we are done we're out of here folks i had a bunch of new stuff to

talk about but it's just you know this is not a new show one day maybe i will be able to make it

my own separate new show and we'll call it the new show and we'll have fun you know what i mean

maybe i'll do a show this weekend even who knows stay tuned maybe saturday afternoon we'll order

some pizza here online and see see who makes it first we should make a whole contest we should

order pizza hut dominoes and papa john's at the same time and see who makes it first and whoever

Whoever makes it first, I will take my pants off for them, you know?

And that's a good prize, especially if it's a lady.

I'll tell you what.

We had a lot of great prank calls tonight, didn't we, Milkman?

And everyone else, of course.

But Milkman, most importantly, he's the number one here.

He is number one on this show.

Don't limit yourself to ladies.

Yeah, well, you know, I'm trying to be a little bit, have some more morality here.

You know what I'm saying?

Jim says, I'm inspired.

No, sir, I'm inspired to go eat the rest of my sandwich and go to sleep.

I got to be up at 5 30 in the morning homeboy you don't work you don't know what I'm talking

about milkman are you there you got to take us out of here sir milkman it's gonna take us out of

here what's going on milkman hey welcome back there good old man hey man I've been here

welcome back my friend yeah also like to thank everybody for joining us in here

I would like to thank everybody out there in the chat room.

Hello, hello, goodbye.

Even though I'm banned, I'm still here.

I know.

We're going to get that fixed, Milkman.

We'll get that fixed.

Hello, hello.

All our friends over there, thanks for tuning in.

Dino, we all tell trouble.

I'd like to thank Mr. Lose the Loser, the hardest working man.

All the prank.

absolutely for sure man my friend knows the loser keep up the good work brother excellent job as

always oh yeah and the guest caller uh hollywood vagina and uh i think that's the only one that

called in and whoever the homer wasn't called in at first oh you got some help there that was the

best call of the night right there he called the manhole whatever that was he had the wrong number

he thought it was he thought it was that that the the channel you know he thought it was a chat room

room back remember back in the 90s remember the 90s man you can people always would like calling

those chat lines and stuff and all that stuff man i got caught up in that once that was bad

i was stupid don't ever do that just say you use chat room blank when you're on the phone

it was just people talking or something anyway where is that where is that wanker noonie did

he even show up tonight yeah he was in there tonight he's i think he's in there still right

now as a matter of fact oh no he's not he's sleeping now but he was here i didn't get to

team, because I'm banned from the chat.

Well, it's your fault.

He's our point man over

there in London, England.

No, not London, but he's in England.

Wankershire, England. Thanks a lot for showing

up, also. And especially

want to thank our leader,

our generalissimo of the

madhouse,

Carlito!

Bless you, my friend. Thank you so much

for providing us with this

insane madhouse once again,

Again, my friend, without you, my weekly podcast would have been over, and I would have only murdered somebody.

All right.

Thanks, Milkman.

Butter, butter.

Thank you, big guy.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thank you so much, bro.

Thank you for being on, and I do want to thank especially Lonesome Loser.

I know you thanked him already, but I do like to thank him as well whenever I get a chance because he helps out big time here, man, big time help.

Again, be sure to listen to Marta Zolar.

Be sure to go to madhouselife.com and all that good stuff.

we already told you a thousand times

I'm not going to sit here and blow any more hot air up your ass

deal with it

any plugs here Ted

anything going on with you Tuck anything big

we should talk about Baz

anything at all now's your chance get your plugs in

when I get some time I'm going to run

some Half-Life servers

Half-Life servers really people still play that game

I didn't know I thought it was all wow these days

I'm sorry I'm not trying to be an ass

but yeah whatever man whatever does it

Half-Life servers up for grabs

I was a blue planet hosting that U.S.

All right, so we're done.

Thank you, everybody, for listening.

No, no, I'm not up for grabs.

I'm going to run them for myself, you bastard.

Oh, well, you're going to, you know, whatever.

All right, fine.

Excuse me.

I didn't know there was a thing like that.

Whoa, watch out, everybody.

Watch out.

Don't touch his password.

We'll catch you here next week, everybody.

Love you all.

Good show.

Good show, guys.

This radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (19, 49 min of 2 h 3 min)

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