2008-05-15 Show

What the fuck is this?

Listening House Radio Podcast.

Everybody, what's going on?

Good evening.

Madhouse Radio on the air on the Broken Network.

We're here ready to do a show.

Got a pretty good crew assembled.

Milkman is on his way, as usual.

Late.

Always a late man, that Milkman.

But of course, we do have tonight,

Jen Stewart is checking in.

Had some free time, I understand.

And he's here with us tonight.

What's up?

What's up, Jen Stewart?

How you doing, bro?

Hello.

Yes, of course.

We are great.

I'm trying to fairly fix over here the new room for Syndicate, which has stopped working, of course.

This is not a Vista problem.

It is a problem on my end here, so I will...

Shocking to hear that.

Yeah, I'm shocking that...

It's always so reliable.

Yeah, well, I'm not using Vista.

I'm not using Vista tonight.

I'll tell you what.

I'm not using it on the...

Good for you.

You're stepping in the right direction.

Well, I use Mac.

I mean, that's even...

What do you use, man?

OSX or what is it

Leopard or cheetah

I don't get viruses so whatever

Now you guys

Mac gets like

Some weird names for their OS's

Like donkey or

Jazula

Red bear

Stuff like that

Alright we're back in Syndicate

Syndicate we are back in you

You are in us

We prefer protected sex

If you decide to indeed

indeed please pull out when you do pull out be sure that you hold the condom from the base of

your penis as you pull out to avoid spillage and when you do remove the condom please be sure to

pinch the reservoir tip as you unroll it thank you everybody that is the madhouse minute here

tonight thanks for that in case you didn't know i know people like you jen you're a virgin

you want to know how it works

I'm kidding, Jim.

No, it's all right.

As I said, Milkman will be joining us shortly.

The Tuck is here, of course.

Big Tuck in the house.

What's up, Tuck?

Yeah.

Good to do.

And we also have Baz in the house.

What's going on, Big Bazzer?

How much, man?

Just updating my laptop to just a Service Pack 1.

It's SP1.

Yeah, that's interesting.

the computer I use for the audio

and for talking to you guys

and bringing the phone in and stuff like this

that runs on Vista, Service Pack 1

I must say that I'm actually quite

pleased with Service Pack 1

one of my file sharing programs does not work with it

it was killed by Service Pack 1

so I have to wait

for it to be updated

this happens with

new OS's everybody

for the most part so far with Vista I don't have many complaints

it runs fine, I am running it with

four gigs of ram maybe that's making the difference here but um i have really have

had no compatibility issues no problems um i set up net file sharing in my home

uh network uh yesterday i finally got around to it went off without a hitch really uh no issues

there i'm a sanbury i'm quite pleased vista and we'll see what the new one what windows 7 i guess

is due to come out in two years because vista has basically been a disaster i don't see what the big

deal is it's it's a lot prettier windows what that's the one exactly very good what do you use

uh you don't use like linux or something you use like xp january no no i have i have windows 2005

media center edition huh there's a windows 2000 is that a european thing maybe yeah no no no it's

it's a it's a global thing it's windows 2005 xp media center edition let me ask don't you guys

have these rules can't you not have um you're not allowed to bulk in media player with windows

or something like that in the uk or europe or the eu i read about the antitrust things and

you don't know what i'm talking about it doesn't affect you so it must not affect anybody i have

no idea what you're talking about i never know what you're talking about cali i know well that's

fine because i'm puerto rican i got a funny accent i speak funny um uh hopefully you guys can hear

hear us on syndicate and on justin uh we are madhouse radio we do prank calls we do comedy

we talk about current events news play a little song here and there and just basically have a

good time for about two or three hours a night uh two or three hours a week thursday nights you

can visit my website madhouse live.com i've got a podcast kicking over there got tons of prank

calls the new prank call cd is going to be out we're going to have a special uh prank call cd

release party show next week i i know i said this week where there have been some technical

issues getting that off the ground but i i don't have it here with me shit the news i wanted to

show it on camera i will after the break the the first press of the cd is completed it's uh it

looks like it's going to go for four uh for four bucks um if you want an actual copy autographed

and shipped to you four dollars 4.99 probably after shipping because i gotta i gotta cover

the cost somehow but you're more than welcome to download it for free uh i jen you clarified it

for me we're gonna the best thing for me to do i decided i'm gonna actually you know create a

an iso of the cd itself and i'll make it available for people to um download in a zip file and you

open it up you burn it yourself or just you or just you can just listen to it on your computer

or you can burn it yourself uh and listen to it on your leisure and your regular cd players or

your computer whatever it is you want to do share it among your friends i just ask that you make a

donation if you can suggest a donation of one dollar not bad huh and you don't even have to

pay it man i'm just doing it for you but if you want to help us out a little bit donate five bucks

We'll send you an autographed copy of the CD

Plus bonus tracks that you can't download

That are not available for download anywhere

Even on the forums they're not going to be available

Trust me on this

It's going to benefit you to buy it

Thank you to Tuck for designing the cover

Hollywood's helping out with printing the labels

We're just waiting on that at this point

I'm taking care of the CDs

Done deal, bada boom, bada bing

First Madhouse CD is coming out next week

I'll start taking orders sooner than that if I can

So look out for that

Other than that

You can reach me on Madhouse Radio as a screen name if you're using Yahoo or AOL Instant Messenger.

Again, Madhouse Radio for AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger users.

If you're using MSN Messenger, you can also reach me.

But, of course, you can reach me as well on madhouseatlive.com.

Again, that's madhouseatlive.com is the messenger name on MSN Messenger.

The toll-free line is open as well.

That's 1-888-278-8509.

That's the toll-free line.

You got the time and we got the dime, as Milkman would say if he was here.

Speaking of which, let's call Milkman.

Oh, I can say that.

You got the time, we got the dime.

It's 1-888-278-8509.

That's right, that's the one.

So let's get Milkman's explanation on why he's late.

Because he is home.

Now where is that phone?

Oh, we will.

Enjoy this call tone, everybody.

Let me move the mic over there.

Big Milkman, you're late.

We're waiting for you.

The show has not started because of you.

Where are you at?

888-278-8509

That's the number Milkman

Thank you

Alright we'll see if he calls back

Alright Milkman is late everybody

I want you all to make note of that

He already has a negative one gold star

In the bank

We take these gold stars seriously here everybody

Jim Hayes

Asking what time are you going live

Mr. Jim we are live now sir you fool

The dead

I'm going live in three hours

Yeah, in three hours.

Check in with us in three hours.

The Dead says, Carlos, you fucking whore.

All right, The Dead, whatever you say, man.

The Dead's been really antsy lately.

Yeah, I am The Dead.

I want to say what's up to everybody on Syndicate Radio, syndicateradio.tv.

That was a pretty nice message from The Dead.

He's a wonderful dude.

Hear what he says beyond that.

Syndicateradio.tv, that is the website for the stable, our stable.

And that's about it, man.

Let's do some prank calls, I guess, or we can talk about some news.

Let's see what numbers we got here from Lonesome Loser, the man himself, sending away numbers.

What is new in the news?

I don't know what's new in the news.

Well, we always have news articles ready.

I don't know if you guys heard about that really fucked up psycho who had his daughter locked up for 24 years or something in Austria.

Yeah, we talked about that in the 80s.

That is some sick shit.

That guy is scary looking.

You look at him and it's straight up like, that guy is creepo scary, man.

He makes Albert Fish look fucked up.

Yeah, that guy's a creepo.

and those kids are like

walking like monkeys

and stuff now

yeah that's what I read

yeah

they talking grunts

and they're all like

primeval

that's sad man

yeah apparently

they communicate

through a series of

cooing and grunting

yeah I know

that would be

kind of cool to watch

I would love to see

a video of that

I tell you what

you know what

you know it's probably

sick but I'd laugh

it'd be funny

to make fun of them

if you guys

I don't know if you guys

have heard the

I could call them up

on the phone

we could give them

a prank call

hello

do that

no get us on

if you know their number those guys are freaky i wish the kids i know but hey um i don't know

if you guys have heard they play on the stern show i don't know if any of you guys have heard it

the the audio of the porno with the deaf deaf girl the girl who's deaf can't talk because she's in a

porno it sounds so wrong oh my god it sounds like a like a retarded person being raped i don't know

if it's that she's not enjoying it or because you know no offense but deaf people you know people

People who are born deaf, some of them can talk, but they don't really sound right,

and it's not that they're, you know, slow or anything like that.

They can't talk like this.

Yeah, they don't know.

They've never been able to hear how everybody else talks,

so they're just approximating, you know, what these things could sound like, you know.

Exactly.

So.

They have no idea how loud they're talking.

Yeah, so hearing a deaf girl moan during sex.

It's funny that you can't hear us discussing them.

Oh, it is really wicked.

I haven't seen the video.

I heard the audio.

I want to hear it.

yeah i'm sure we'll get a link maybe the guys up in syndicate will give me a link to it i saw a link

uh somewhere in sfn i think there was maybe i'll have a chance to go in and find it now

but uh yeah if you can if you guys have that um i haven't seen the video i don't know they didn't

mention her hotness on a level of one to ten i think they said that she looked okay but there

was like a dp you know double penetrations uh scene and stuff like that which is pretty bad

pretty pretty bad my god yeah it sounds really sad i don't know it's something about it it's

not right yeah milkman is in the house what's up milkman double penetration king himself

what's going on big guy hey what's up hermano hey what the hell's going on look at this house

what we got here man yeah is that my old buddy jen over there sitting in the corner by the bar

jen's over there by the bar drinking himself an apple juice my friend

come and join me come and join me for an apple juice a juiced apple

All right.

It's almost pizza time, too.

All right.

So that brings me, you know what's really, really creepy to me?

Like, I'm thinking about blindness, you know?

Like, if I was born blind and you never saw, like, colors, like, what would you imagine the color red looks like, you know?

Like, you ever see that movie Mask, Milkman?

You know what I'm talking about?

That movie Mask, that guy had the really funky.

That's acid talking there, I'm kidding.

Yeah, but think about it.

Like, if you have no concept of what color is.

There's a conversation you would use today when you're on the acid.

well maybe it is but i'm not i don't do that stuff i don't do drugs at all nothing like that

but you think about that you know anyway but in that movie what if your yellow is like someone

else's yellow what if your yellow is completely different from someone else's yellow what if

yellow here is like red over there and another planet anyway so right yeah man there's like no

red on like another planet man maybe just an earth thing man i don't think so i think they would

imagine like a touch like a red rose and their mind has come to feeling in the smell you know

it wouldn't be so much color as it'd be an experience yeah and i'd be like this is brown

i'd be like you know i'd fart really loud like who's shit yeah i'd be like this is brown right

here you know and then they'd be like oh okay yeah that i know that's brown that's brown yeah

all right i found your video you found my video you did really yeah

can you send me a link to that in the irc yeah i said it's in the chat it is in the chat now okay

we got it already okay there we go all right let's play this oh shit all right let's play this

oh man this is bad we're going to hell for this here but here we go let's play this audio

deaf girl wants to be a porn star that's what it's called eh hey how you doing guess you can't

hear me right? I wonder how she heard about us. That's what I'm saying. Hey, how'd you

hear about us? You with the dildo in your ass. Frankentits. What's your name? Huh? What?

What's your name? Can you say whore? Say whore. Say whore? Whore. You're a whore? A good whore?

Okay.

You gonna throw up on my cock?

Yeah.

Okay.

Good, good girl.

That's so mean.

Shit.

Like a fucking ghost.

Did you like it?

Don't touch, don't touch.

How was it?

Did you like it?

That is bad.

No good?

Rough, rough.

Yeah.

So do you like being a porn star?

I'm like a moose in the heat.

Did you come back again?

You like us, right?

Fucking brilliant.

Good guys?

What did he spit in her face?

I shut that off.

That's wrong.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

God, yeah, so that's that audio.

That's really disturbing.

She's howling like a ghost.

Yeah.

Wow, man.

Yeah, that's a nasty cum shot, too, dude.

That was like, she had like Vaseline on her face there.

Wow.

Yeah, anyway, now that we've completely discussed our audience here.

All right, so here's something along that line.

An Arkansas mom is pregnant with her 18th child, man.

18 kids this lady has.

Her oldest is 20.

That's it?

She's pregnant with her 18th baby.

She's 42 years old, you know?

What is that about?

Arkansas, honey.

I thought she was like 27.

Man, to say Florida's backwards.

If we get a 42-year-old lady, you know, that's not no joke.

You know, when you get in your 40s, you run the risk,

increased, highly increased risk of a child being born,

and I'm not kidding, with Down syndrome.

After age 39, it goes up exponentially.

the chances that your child will be born with a defect especially with you know down syndrome

that's not right you know that's enough close your legs lady you've had 18 kids fucking shit

saigon says being born like gary the retard indeed indeed uh let's see what else is going

on here with the folks before we do our first prank call deaf people need to have degrading

sex too says dc low good point good point gold star for you dc look you made a very fine point

Where's my gold star at?

There you go.

Congratulations, sir.

Ellie likes gin.

Gin is the best, Ellie says.

Gin has a girlfriend, apparently.

And that's about it.

All right, well, there we go.

All right, well, we'll get to some more.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

I'm going to get to some more news articles,

especially the guy who was forced on the airplane to sit on the toilet for the entire flight.

I don't know if you heard about that one, but that's JetBlue for you.

They've been really slacking over at JetBlue.

That's great as well.

Yeah, that's bad.

bad those are not those toilets are not comfortable and those bathrooms stink on a plane dude think

the dead says i know you want me if i go for a week will you just use me the dead always wants

to have sex with me or wants me to have sex with him that's not good that's not good lonesome loser

checks in with numbers for us to call ask him to coo for you i'd like to hear the dead come on and

coo you know like tonight's gonna be all about cooing i want to try that on the phone when we

call somebody later i'm gonna try and get them to coo right right it's gonna be the cooing night

on the air. Max Beefy's Burgers

is here. Yeah, did they call him

your pussy? Yeah, we got Biggie's

Restaurant, Mighty Liquor,

Danger Zone Comics, and the Wolves

Den also here. We got an escort named

Matt. Matt the Escort

for VIP Platinums.

Do you have another room so that I can see these numbers?

John and Jeffrey. I tell

you what, I can send them to you, Jen, and if you want to

call in now or later, let us know

and you'll call in and we'll...

I'll call in later. I'll call in after everybody

Yeah, and it might make sense to actually turn on the toll-free line.

All right, folks, we're going to do the first prank call of the night.

I'm going to call the burger place.

I'm feeling a bit of Jack Masterson coming on.

We're going to call Max.

Actually, we're going to call Biggie's Restaurant.

That's what we're going to do.

Biggie's Restaurant.

Hey, did we cover the news yet?

Huh, was that?

Did we cover the news yet?

We cover it in and out.

Did we cover the news yet?

We do news, you know, throughout the show, yeah?

I hit one article already, Milkman.

Do you have something you want to talk about?

Oh, well, I had a couple of news blips.

real quick okay is this is have to do with dog birth because if that's it i don't want to hear

it i'm kidding seriously anyway is there a new baby puppy cat out there there's actually eight

new poopers they're all girls they all came out girls poopers that's a lot of money

how much of that

six weeks old now i haven't been able to uh remind everybody because i've been so busy

He's working on the new Rascal Scooter Madhouse-style version.

It's going to be released this year for the 2009 season.

The fall 2008 will be the big rollout.

Hey, Milken, are these virgin puppies?

Are these virgin puppies?

Yeah, they're full bred.

They have their papers, and they're cute.

Man, you wouldn't believe it.

But they're virgins, right?

They're females.

Wait a minute.

Hang on.

Breaking news here.

Breaking news.

The numbers that Lonesome sent in are clients, not the escorts themselves.

He sent in numbers for clients of escorts.

Well, there we go.

Jeffrey was calling an escort named Mandy, whose number is found on Craigslist.

Mentioned having to attend a substance abuse meeting in his message.

Wow.

John got his info off the voicemail of an escort service called VIP Platinum, managed by Kayla Freeman.

Interesting.

Okay, cool.

So somehow Lonesome Loser has infiltrated the voicemail.

Here's some other good news out there for all you listeners out there.

Here in Hollywood, they have now legalized gay marriage.

Hey, hey.

It's been legalized in Sacramento.

That's what I heard.

Well, it's not legal yet.

I mean, it's just the Supreme Court of the state.

Yes, it is.

Well, the Supreme Court said, but there's no law yet.

They're marching all over L.A. on the radio.

This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to humanity.

How the gays could get married.

I heard it.

It was wonderful, man.

All right.

It was like, hi, hi, hi.

We're calling this dude.

We're calling Biggie's Restaurant here, Milkman.

So you've seen, like, people protesting?

Not protesting, but I'm saying people, like, marching in support of gay rights?

Or you just heard about it on the news?

That's right.

It's all you love.

No, I've been hearing about it on the news.

It's been on the radio all day, man.

And if anybody out there is interested in getting a pooper from the madhouse,

Now, give it a hold of me, because Sweet Kisses has got a bunch of cuties out there.

That's super.

Super.

You think so, Ash?

Listen, you want to take my order?

Hard to breathe like that sometimes.

Is there gay marriage up in, uh, where is that you live?

England?

I'm talking to Jen.

No, they don't.

Huh?

I don't know.

Speak up, Allison.

Allison, can you hear me?

I'm trying to get a takeout seating, but if you can't hear me, there's no sense in doing this because your phone sucks.

This shit.

What's going on with the phone line, Milkman?

What was your question?

I didn't hear what you said.

Hello?

Hello, person of authority.

Trying to make a take on your burgers.

What is your biggest burger?

Those half with cheese.

I'm sorry for breathing so hard.

I was just working out.

You know, I was working out.

I weighed 382 pounds.

I've lost weight.

And I just, I started getting this pain in my chest in the middle of my treadmill workout.

I had enough of this.

Yeah.

I had enough of this dieting thing.

It feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest right now.

Now, I'm done with this dieting stuff.

It's going...

I'm just so stressed out with working out.

I can feel...

It's like my whole arm is going numb.

Yeah?

Ugh.

I'm a yellow American.

I just...

Have you ever had this feeling before of working out?

It's like there's an elephant right in his ass.

It's right on my sternum.

I just need to eat.

It's like...

It's going all the way down my left arm.

Oh, God.

I need to eat a little.

I've been stressing myself out.

What else do you want?

What else do you have for your fry over there?

What else do you fry?

Fry.

Like frying, you know, you make fries.

You have a little fry machine.

Okay, it's extra. You want two orders?

This could be my last order.

Jack needs a tall glass of bacon grease.

Tall glass of mayo.

Four ounce cup with ice and mayo.

And a half.

Yeah, probably.

Let me put her down.

Wait, she's concerned?

We'll see if she answers back.

I got her on mute here on the side note.

In the meantime, we got some other numbers we can call here.

Eventually, we got Baskin-Robbins and the Palisades.

Where are the Palisades at?

Milkman, what is your vector to the Palisades, sir?

Say it's a girl, man.

I've got my skates on, baby.

Was anybody there?

Did you hear hello?

I thought I heard hello.

I don't know.

All right, we'll see if they come back still anyway.

No, I didn't hear anything.

Maybe I'm hearing stuff, you know.

Maybe it's the ghost of Jack Masterson.

Baskin Robbins.

I'm not a big fan of their crap.

Their ice cream is very...

It's got like a clammy...

Hello?

Hi, sir.

You sound like you're a man in authority.

What's your name?

Ryan, with your staff.

We're trying to make a to-go order.

They put me through to three people,

Well, and the lady on the line is suggesting I call somewhere else.

Is my money not good here or something?

What did she tell you?

I was

was giving her my order for two burgers and fries.

You know, I'm sorry.

I'm just...

I'm breathing heavy.

I was working out.

And I started getting this feeling on my chest, like, it's like thousand knives of fire, like, I don't know, it's like a lot, like something's a big weight on my chest, like an elephant's sitting on it or something.

And, uh, I don't know, I just had a window, I just, I figured I'd make an order for food, and she said she was gonna put me on hold.

Did you get the order, at least?

I guess they're having trouble hearing you back there.

Alright.

They're having trouble hearing you in the bar.

Well, I'm feeling, I mean, I sat down now, and I still feel the pressure a little bit.

it. Well, it's getting a little better. I'm not, I mean, I'm losing the feeling, like

my left arm is a little numb right now, but I think if after I eat, I'll feel a little

better. I wanted two of those one half pound rubbers with the patties. I want them stacked

like two in each one, you know, so like a whole pound. You want, you want two in one

bun. Oh, God. Ah, there it is again. Can you hear? I'm sure after I eat, I'll feel

a lot better. It's just, it's a huge pressure on my chest. It just started. I was, I've

I've lost like 40 pounds in the last month.

I don't know if you've heard of me.

I'm Jack Masterson.

I was in the Sentinel there the other week.

I had actual talk about me losing weight.

I've been working out, working out as much as I can.

18 hours a day almost just up.

I get up, I eat oatmeal.

And I started getting this pain in my chest.

I say, forget this shit.

You know, I'm just going to give myself a burger.

You know, let it be.

Whatever happens.

It's just I've never had a pain like this before.

God, it's like my jaw is almost like,

you ever get this feeling before?

It feels like I'm heartbroken.

I've never been brokenhearted before.

Maybe that's what it is, you know?

Oh, God.

I can drive down there.

I don't think it's safe for me to be walking around, though, you know?

I'll get to that.

Like, I'm going to drive myself to the hospital, I think.

Oh, God.

I'm going to stop by, you know,

if you don't do the curbside takeaway real quick.

I think you should just hang up and then call an ambulance.

Oh, God.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

Back there.

Could you hear the echo?

Put some mattress up in the bathroom.

No, I'm just calling to give you a waste of time

and make you put your resources somewhere else

other than manning your staff.

That's what I do.

That's my job, dude.

That's what I do.

That's my MO.

You don't like it?

You got a problem?

What do you want to do about it?

You got any bread?

Want some bread?

How much bread do you want?

I'll give you some bread.

Hey, boy.

I'm trying to cut that off somehow.

That guy just wanted it.

What's wrong with bread?

I just offered him some bread.

That fucks up my voice so bad.

That was good.

Jack Masterson everybody

peanut butter sandwich

yeah

high pitch Eric

checking in in the chat room

what's up high pitch Eric

big ass high pitch Eric

in the house

I don't know

who's high pitch

I don't know

only person I know

is Kelly Clarkson man

motherfucker

what's up man

what's up British Columbia

what do you want

smoking

can he fit some here

having a good show tonight

on marked package

do you work at all

can we talk a little bit

like I'd like to know

what you do for like

and where's the girl

do you got the girl

no

I can get her

I'll meet her

alright we'll call

girls on the line

you're only supposed

to call in

when you have a girl

on the line

girls

stupid

girls

stupid

I'll talk to you

when you have a lady

on the line

I'm on the line

sound like the dead

there for a second

British Columbia

will be calling back

in probably in about

10 seconds

and I'm warning you

son

yeah it kind of does

if you call back

without a girl

on the line

it's going to be

strike number 5

and I'm going to

block your

damn province

in some shit i know this bullshit girl uh boy we're on to it we know better than that anyway

if you want to call in before british columbia tries it yeah we got he's we got the chopper

fueled up dude the jet is fueled up over here watch out buddy baz is going to be headed up

there pretty soon dropping bombs on your ass bringing some bread um if you want to call in

the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509 again once once you want to call us in i don't know where

Where was I going with that one?

1-888-278-8509.

This is Madhouse Radio where we make prank calls and have fun.

Oh, that's Carlito.

Quick news.

News flash.

Quick news flash.

We just received a word that Jack Masterson got his double burger,

and he is going to join the helicopter ride and produce a bombing run up there.

So you guys better straighten up.

He's going to turn around and make a big turd.

Awesome.

Watch out for Jack Masterson.

I do want to break news.

Another bombing run.

I do want to break wind and break news here real quick, if I may, please.

Can you shut the music off for me, please?

Pretty good.

All right.

Radical Jihad's website has announced that a new message from Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden is forthcoming.

A banner announcing the message says he will address the 60th anniversary of Israel.

Israel, his message is titled, The Reasons for the Struggle in the Remembrance of the 60th Anniversary of the Rising of the Occupier Nation of Israel.

Well, the joke's on you, Mr. Bin Laden, because just by calling it Israel, you're recognizing it as an existing nation, and you didn't call it Palestine.

So guess what, buddy?

You lose on a technicality.

Sounds like a boring speech when you're a boring politician.

The war on terror is over, everybody.

Blah, blah, blah.

Rob Lundgren.

We have won the war on terror.

Bin Laden.

I'm glad BPP is getting ready to hack his network.

He's going to hack us all, that guy.

Where is DTT at, anyway?

Did he make the migration?

I don't know if he did.

Anyway, so, again, if you want to call us here tonight, 1-888.

Yeah, I think he's on the head draw right now.

It's 1-888-278-8509 is the way you message us.

So you call us here tonight.

And if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, it is Madhouse Radio.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, it is madhouseatlive.com.

And that is our news break here.

We're going to be doing the next Prime Call of the Night.

Bad Boys of Iowa says, hey, Carlito.

It's Bad Boys and Bad Boy Junior.

Hey.

Junior wants to redeem himself since last week.

He got some good ones now.

LOL, I think.

Yeah, how you money make, dude?

Bring it on.

Jim is saying, what's up?

Hey, we already said what's up to you.

MeBullGast says, what's up, Carlito?

What up, man?

I see Jeepers is listening live tonight, too.

We've got a lot of people listening live tonight, as a matter of fact.

Sounds good, sounds good.

We've got to play the real version of the song.

What's it called again?

Milkman?

We brothers do that song, right?

What a fool believes?

Cool.

So the next prank call coming up here, this is Madhouse Radio.

MadhouseLive.com is the website.

The next call here is Donnie Rhodes.

He was asking for an escort named Heather.

Right back in a moment with the next prank call of the night, folks.

...service, so you've got a...

...here for you for tonight.

An order for you, Donnie.

Escort service, you're looking for tonight?

You wanted to meet with a lady?

This is...

This is Valente with VIP Platinum.

Hello?

Did you get my name?

Well, you...

The voicemail here, sir.

I'm with VIP Platinum.

This is Valente.

I call to set up the meetings with the ladies.

Oh, sir, I got your number here to call you back.

This is Donnie Rhodes, is it not?

Are you looking for Heather or Sarah, sir?

What are you looking for tonight?

voicemail or anything else well sir you the whole point of the matter is that you don't know the

ladies it's okay we're not is if your wife's around it's okay hit the number two and i'll

know that it's just because your wife is around huh there's no issue with me being worried about

somebody seeing a phone number the problem is is that i didn't call you i don't know who you are

did you get a call from me we i have your voice on the voicemail here wanting to meet up with

heather or sarah did you get a call from me we have it through it's traced through the system

and you also left your number for the call back, sir.

Excuse me, when did you get a call from me?

Earlier today.

I'm with VIP Platinum again.

My name's Valente.

Absolutely false.

I'm the head pimp, sir.

I did not call you today.

Sir, I'm a pimp.

Who the hell you are?

I don't make any calls to any place like that today.

Sir, I'm going to warn you about breaking the pimp code.

You understand?

I'm a pimp.

I'll pimp slap you, sir.

Yeah.

Let's call him back.

Get the baby powder.

Get my hangar out, bitches.

The funny thing is that

the caller IDs, I always leave them as

555-1212, which is

basically, it's directory assistance

wherever you are.

So you can call the number back and you're gonna

hear 411.

Lonesome Losers is gonna be sending me

their number. So what's up with that guy?

Apparently he's all paranoid, but he knows

what he did. He's up to no good.

Oh, yeah, man.

The problem solvers here.

You got rocked, dude.

Yeah.

That's right.

It is sweeps week.

It is definitely sweeps week this week, and we're just hitting all the...

That's me, by the way.

You don't live in Calgary.

What's up?

Just pimps here, you know.

We got the number for the...

We got some more numbers here for people who are looking for an escort.

Would you like to try one of those, sir?

You got the numbers there, actually, in front of you, don't you?

I don't know.

He looks like a bigot's restaurant, Max Sheeple, but...

Well, I sent you.

You got Matt, John, and Jeffrey.

Hang on.

Let me send them to you again there, sir.

Who did you call from those?

I called Derek.

You don't see that.

You haven't gotten...

I called...

Who did I call?

I called Donnie Rhodes.

They don't have any addresses.

It just says there's just a city and state.

It's basically the voicemail.

Lonesome Loser gets the information out of the voicemail, you see.

They're only saying they're in Dallas, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to do the whole EBSCOT thing.

I'd probably try something else.

Alrighty then.

We can try for one of them.

I don't know if it'll work.

Try it.

I have people in England, but I do not have an international card as of yet.

Now, don't bother, then, if you don't have an international card.

You don't want to waste too much money on this card.

Just pick a number, and we'll talk to them.

Okay, all right, so Max's Beefy Burgers, if you're ready for that.

Or how about the comic book?

Let's call the comic book store.

You know, that's always something to do.

Danger Zone Comics.

All right, we're going to call Danger Zone Comics.

Exciting stuff here.

Hang on, folks.

Speaking of pimps, here's some Curtis Mayfield.

And we'll be back with the next prank call of the night.

We'll work with to pick another one here.

We'll do the liquor store, Mighty Liquor.

I eat liquor.

No, no.

Do the Max's Beefy Restaurant.

Okay.

Beefy Burgers.

Max's Beefy Burgers.

This is in Anchorage, Alaska, and I believe it's only like 9, 8, 7, 6, 6, 5 p.m. over there,

so it's still pretty early.

It's a dinner hour, so we've got time.

Good, good, good.

All right, hang on.

What's wrong with your phone, man?

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Man, I was there, and when I came out into my car, somebody hit the car.

Can you tell me why?

He peed on my car, man.

He peed on my car.

Hello?

What's wrong with the phone, man?

Fix it.

I think I'll call you with my phone, and then we don't need to go through Carlito, okay?

So, hold on a minute.

I'll call you back in one minute.

Let me call him, because it's obviously not going to work.

It's not going to work through your fucking phone.

I can't keep making calls through your phone.

It never works.

No, it doesn't.

I'll call him on my end.

It almost sounds like it's raining on your end for some weird reason, my friend.

I don't know.

Like, there's a background.

Is it raining over there or something?

It sounds like it's raining.

Yeah, like when you're in London.

No, it's not fucking raining.

It sounds like you're inside, like, you know, it's raining, like, and you've got a window open or something in the background.

No, no, I've got no windows open, no rain, everything is perfect.

Well, shit.

Well, shit on me, man.

There's obviously something wrong with the phone.

So you got it? You sure?

I bought you from my home phone.

Hey!

India's Tandoori.

There we go.

We've got an Indian restaurant from Lonesome Loser.

He always likes those.

Lonesome Loser.

Jenster will be calling back on the other line.

That phone's all funked up.

All kinds of funked.

Again, this is Madhouse Radio, madhouselive.com.

Thank you for listening, everybody.

We'll do that.

A lot of numbers here still.

Definitely looking forward to some of these escort calls here in a moment.

You're at .6 the mouth.

That's right.

That's the one.

The .6 the mouth.

You sound much better on this.

Yes, no rain in the background.

Awesome.

Okay, do you want to try the burger joint again, sir?

No, fuck him.

You said something about an Indian before I hung up.

India's tandoori.

This is an Indian woman in L.A. who answered.

She has Indian foods.

All right, put her on.

Yes, I will make it so right now, everybody.

Hang on for the next prank call.

Hello?

Yes.

Yeah, hello, yeah.

I was in your restaurant earlier, and one of the guys, he was calling me.

He said something.

I think he said something rude to me, and I'm just, you know,

I'm trying to make sure that whatever he said wasn't rude.

Which one are you coming from?

I don't listen to me, lady.

I came in, and he said something about a gandu.

He said he called me a gandu.

Okay, hold on, okay, hold on.

Yeah, I'm very concerned.

Did you place an order already?

No, no, I came in to, hello, my darling, listen, I came in to pop an order.

I made it over the phone, I called up and I wanted, like, some tandoori and all that stuff,

and I came in to pick it up, and he said to me, he said, you are a gandu.

Why did he call me a gandu, eh?

Okay, hold on, okay, hold on.

Yeah, all right.

No, yeah, I came in to your rest earlier today.

I'm slightly concerned.

I was just talking to the lovely lady there, and she mentioned to me that, you know,

You'd be helping today. I was there and somebody called me a gun dude.

And I'm really concerned. Is that a bad thing?

Your friend? You're just some fucking language, mate.

I mean, you need to speak good, but plain to you, so if you pay attention when people talk, it's easier to understand them.

Who's in your restaurant doing earlier this afternoon?

Huh?

Die you silly bitch.

Which restaurant?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm telling you, it's relevant.

One of your people gave me a name, and I'm very-

So what number do I have to do?

Yeah, you do.

Legs.

No, no, don't give to me.

I'll give to you, you fucker.

Yeah, you come here.

You, you bastard.

Yeah, fine.

I'm kind.

Let me make a funny noise, right?

You, you bastard.

Perfection.

That was great.

I was just doing it in my time.

Come on.

I know you wouldn't do that, but that's still funny, sicko.

Yeah.

Come on.

Press one.

Let me clear this.

What my bloody address was.

Oh, his address was.

Well, he said that that number rings to three different places.

He wasn't sure, you know, which one it would go to.

Ellie calls it a smelly fucking language, apparently.

Wow, Ellie, that's just low blow.

I got disconnected from the internet.

What's going on with the internet tonight, eh?

No, no, I'm back on.

All right, good.

No, no, what's, give me, give me, should we try someone else?

Yes, sir, yes, sir, of course we can.

I've got Dimple Ducket.

That's an angry woman answered at the residence of Dimple Ducket.

Compton, California, Compton, home of the Bloods and the Crips.

Send it.

Are you back in the room?

Are you sure?

No, I'm not back in the room.

What the fuck?

All right, I'll tell you what.

But I'll start in, and you're going to break in early.

As soon as you get in, I will.

Dude, that's only like 10 miles from here, Compton is.

Milkman, you're 10 miles away from Compton?

Are you crazy?

Yeah, I'm about that close.

No, no, Jim, he can't drive to Compton.

He's not welcome at Compton, let's just say.

Compton has a Martin Luther King Boulevard.

I know you're in the U.K., and you don't have that type of thing over there,

but over here, the media's there.

That's what Chris Rock said.

All right, so I'm going to call Dimple Duckett.

Just a moment, folks here.

Just a moment, just a moment, just a moment.

We'll be right back with the next prank call that I think you're so much...

Let me start.

What did you guys carry there?

Fucking fuck, that guy.

Wait, that didn't work?

Try that again.

No, sir.

It works sometimes, it's good, like a charm.

Sometimes it doesn't work for shit.

Hit it like Fonzie!

Yeah, hit it like Fonzie.

Hey, maybe that'll work.

Let me see if they can hear me at least.

Ah, yes.

Hey, what's going on?

Sister?

Sister Duckett?

That phone is beautiful.

It works great.

There can't be nothing wrong with my phone.

It's got to be something.

It's these people, man.

I'm telling you.

It's the people.

The duct tape is tied tightly.

There's nothing wrong with it.

All right.

We got Sheila Kidd.

Let's try Sheila Kidd instead.

I understand we called the Tandorina.

It sounded fine.

That didn't sound bad.

I don't know.

Maybe I've got to redo some cables.

Maybe it's the cables here.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Okay, so Sheila Kidd.

Let me send you her info real quick.

Wait a minute here.

Let me op you first of all.

There you go.

Okay.

One, and I'll be there for you.

...weeks to watch postage.

I think you're...

That would be wonderful.

You like that?

Would you...

No, she's there, man.

Would you really like that?

God.

See, that's the proof right there.

It's not...

She's getting high.

It was those other people's phone, not mine.

I think she's into it.

Because that one sounded just, yeah, but she was game.

Jen, you know, if...

Do you want to call her back?

Yeah, we'll call her back.

Play your cards right here.

Tell her, you know, court her, Jen.

Don't be afraid.

Well, I haven't made any calls in a few weeks, that's all.

Yeah, that's good.

You're doing good.

And don't be afraid of, you know, some black, you know, black sugar.

There's nothing wrong with that.

I know, I can do that.

Uh-huh.

No, you couldn't.

I know, I got you.

You're German.

You'll never go back.

You'll be disowned.

All right, so we're going to call Sheila Kidd once again in Compton.

Yeah, hang on for a second.

yeah

I

know i called police and gave them the number

oh okay oh great where could i uh you know patient again the thing is i spoofed the number that she

reported that she

said she didn't

to the people we

called before that

hoping she calls

them back

because that's

always fun

to be able to

get to a big fight

because they're

like in the same

area

I'm just looking

here

maybe they're

neighbors

that would be

fucking funny

why did you

just call me

they already

have like a

they're already

arguing with each

other and what

not

we just made

stuff worse

jeebus god

Matt

Matt says that

he likes the

music I was

playing

that is Dr.

Jekyll and

Mr.

Hyde

Gina's rap

that's an

80's old

school rap

song my

friend

and know your roots.

You're on the phone machine.

Yeah, we put them up pretty quickly these days.

We have a phone card, an international phone card,

and we have a number just coming in in the U.K. for John Thatcher.

In the U.K.?

In the U.K.

For 20 past four in the morning, you guys could be fighting guns.

And we also have Yasmeen's Indian Cuisine in California.

Private number first, John D. Thatcher in Essex.

What do you know about Essex?

Is there a lot of, like...

Essex is not far from...

No?

Essex is...

I know, I know.

Good deal, good deal.

Well, hey, maybe...

Okay, good, good.

Essex County.

Sounds like a nice agricultural area or something.

Bit of...

Chavs.

Those...

I know what that is.

Those are Uyghurs, we call them here.

Okay.

Hang on, folks.

John Thatcher coming up in the mouth.

Everyone, be good.

Play it then.

This one's for him.

Play it then.

I don't even understand how they didn't understand you and that Mary Joy.

Yeah, I know, man.

That old robotic futuristic George Jetson

Yeah

I'm really sorry, maybe I wouldn't usually do this

Picked up, it says you've got me a meeting

Kind of emergent thing, alright

Nah, I dare

Are you sure everything's alright?

Do I need to come over?

No, no, there's nothing, nothing wrong at all

Should I call an ambulance for you?

I don't need anything

There's nothing wrong with me, I was just

There's nothing, there's nothing wrong here

This letter says you're musculature babies, isn't it?

Number?

Yeah, just, yeah.

Yeah, there is something, there is something wrong, is there?

Good Lord.

Can I call you the police?

Is there somebody there with a gun at your head to tell me that everything's all right?

No, I was fast.

There, I'm gonna push a number on the phone now to let me know that there's somebody

least immediate, eh?

Get you an admission to the mental clinic, and then what?

Let's see a bump.

Take that in.

Very nice, yeah.

Oh, that was funny.

Good work, Jen.

That was a good one.

Cheers.

Good Toby.

You must have a gun to your head.

Let's see.

We got a number here.

Lonesome Loser sent in for Michelle Williams.

The brother is very defensive.

So if you say anything about Michelle, he'll get pissed.

In the UK.

And Jim Thorpe, PA.

No, that's just in...

There's a town named after Jim Thorpe?

He's a football player here.

And American football, I mean.

Okay.

And he didn't die that long ago.

I thought he was alive recently, I thought.

I don't know.

Anyway, I'll start that one out.

Well, we'll see if we can get the brother on the line.

I want to thank everyone who's listening.

People enjoyed that over at Syndicate Radio as well as in the Madhouse site as well.

Everyone's enjoying.

We're having a pretty good time.

Everyone is enjoying.

Saigon is making a note, which is good.

In New York, they wouldn't even pick up.

They'll just answer with profanities.

Only in the U.K.

We love that.

Yeah, I know.

Only in the U.K. would they do something like that.

Deathlock says we should call Southerners.

Well, we'll see about that.

We've got some Southerners, we'll call them, for sure.

In the meantime, be sure to go to manhouselive.com.

I might lose Syndicate here.

I just got a, and this is not on my computer,

this is not on the Vista computer, it's on the XP machine here.

It just said Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close.

So let me, I just lost Syndicate's feed.

Oh my.

Good heavens dear.

It's a good thing we have backups.

Everything is all redundant here in the show these days.

So no one failure in the Jenga puzzle will actually topple the whole thing.

Lucky for us.

You ever play Jenga there, Jin Stewart?

Yeah, I played Jenga. I used to love Jenga.

I didn't really love it.

I liked the cards. You know cards?

Yeah, sure, cards.

Yeah, good, because I can do some pretty neat tricks with a deck of cards.

Really? I want to learn how to shuffle a deck of cards like a pro.

I can do a one-hand ripple.

I can do a one-hand ripple with both hands, actually.

Yeah, good deal, good deal.

Look, man, you're heckling.

I want to learn to do the...

Show off.

There's one where you can flip it, you know,

where you make him go up in the air and come back down.

You know the one I'm talking about?

No, I can't do that.

I can do one-hand ripple shuffle.

One-hand ripple shuffle.

That's good.

You know, hey, you come here to the States, man,

get in a casino.

All you need to do...

I don't think I can count cars.

Well, no, no, the dealer stuff.

You know what I'm saying?

You know, become a dealer?

Dealer, yeah.

Oh, yeah, a car dealer.

Well, you have to have some type of self-control there,

Jim Stewart, man.

Hey, I want to make sure everyone who's listening now, be sure to visit jenstuart.com.

Yeah, jenstuart.com.

You got a lot of stuff over there.

Make sure everyone to check that out.

Yeah, there'll be a big update this weekend.

Not a lot of pranks, but I want to make everybody aware of what's happening.

It's coming, it's coming.

All right, okay, I think we have Syndicate back on our scope,

so we'll see if we can get some maintenance here, get this to maintain itself.

Yeah, we haven't got anyone to cue.

Maybe we can get Michelle's brother to cue us.

Okay, good.

Yeah, well, I'm ready to do that call now that I fixed the video feed.

I'll donate you a fiver

If you can make it

A fiver

Okay we'll see

Coo

Let's see I don't know

You have to really go

Woo

Like that

What kind of cooing

Like a baby cooing

Or like a

Like an owl

Woo

I like that

That's hot

That would be fucking funny

There we go

Reminds me of

My days in band camp

Alright Michelle Willems

Stop

Stop dawdling here

Jin

This song again

That song again

Let's go on

I know you can't

You can't but

Listen Michelle

Michelle, this is Walter. I was hoping to be able to talk to you.

Do you sound like, is this not Michelle? Are you sure you sound like a lady?

This is her mother.

Oh, how are you doing? I'm Valente.

I've heard a lot about you, Mrs. Williams.

Does she take after you much?

Who you are?

This is Valente. I'm a friend of Michelle's.

I was hoping to talk to her. Is she not around?

No, she's in Jersey.

Doing what?

With her husband.

Oh, we've been kind of talking, and she had called me from this number before.

I just thought I'd call him.

you're not going to tell him about her, right?

I think I really messed up here.

Me and my partner, we hang out with Michelle occasionally.

He doesn't know about it, of course, but please don't ruin it.

I mean, it's a beautiful marriage that they have together,

but when something's lacking, you go with the heart, you know?

Does she take after you at all?

Because I tell you, your daughter has the most supplest butt cheeks,

and they're very warm in the shower.

They feel warm against my skin.

And I rather like that.

Would you describe your butt cheeks as warm,

or did they have like a peach fuzz to them?

Peach fuzz.

Oh, that was one.

That's how you ruin a prank call.

Oh, it's going good.

I should have asked for that.

That's what I get for quitting the Stern Show.

Yeah, yeah.

You were supposed to be my partner there, Jen,

the British partner.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I didn't know when you were going to let me in.

I couldn't just bust it, partner.

Yeah, well, you could...

Yeah, I know.

I was hoping it'd go somewhere else.

Let's try...

I would like to try to call one of these,

like Jeffrey here.

He's one of the escort people,

People, you know, the people looking for an escort.

Right.

I mean, that's if you could break in as like a BBC News guy on an expose.

You know what I'm saying?

A BBC News guy?

Yeah, just, you know, like a BBC News investigator, you know,

and tell them that they're live on BBC Radio or something.

This is Jim Stewart from the BBC.

And today we will be...

Well, we're going to do our whole thing where, you know, I'm going to negotiate

and you're going to break in saying that you're actually on an expose for people

who go after prostitution in the United States or something like that.

Yeah, that's a bad idea.

Yeah, that's not a bad idea.

I love where you're going with that.

Okay, there we go.

Let's see if he answers.

That was a while ago.

Let's give it a shot here, folks.

Jeffrey.

Horny Jeffrey.

Who's looking for an escort named Mandy.

Something about that.

Because an escort with the name Mandy

that starts off with man.

You can't have Mandy without man, Jim Stewart.

What's up with that?

Yeah.

Without man?

Think about it.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Mandy.

Right back.

Jeffrey.

I thought it was calling...

Okay, that's right.

That's right.

Jeffrey.

Okay.

That was different.

That was, okay.

He was calling an escort named Mandy, and unfortunately did not answer, so.

Damn, that would have been brilliant, because that could have worked.

Yeah, well, we got more.

Don't worry.

We got John.

He's looking for a Kayla as an escort.

We've tried that already.

No, no, not this one.

This is a different one.

Are you sure?

The first call you made when you said something about platinum.

That was Derek.

We got several for the same company.

We got two different companies that Lonesome has on.

Yeah, no worries, no worries.

Okay, so we're going to try John instead.

Same idea here.

here. He's in Dallas, and this is

for Caleb from VIP Platinum.

Let's try that again.

Okay.

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message.

The fuck?

John.

Rocky.

What was that?

Rocky, my ass.

Hey, I gotta take a break. I've been on here for like over an hour now.

My butt's sore.

Uh, Rocky.

Yeah, go back to the computer, and then we'll have you call back after the break. Deal?

I'm in front of the computer.

Well, you know, I mean, you need to juice it up when you're here, man.

We gotta drink your milkshake up, right?

Yeah, drink my milkshake.

Yeah, long story.

Hey, all right, we'll go back on the microphone, and...

No, no, no, no, no.

All right, cool, cool. Hang on.

I'll call you back soon.

All right, Jen.

Okay, that's Jen.

She's going to be joining us back in the studio.

There he is now.

That was quick, Jen.

You're a fast man.

You're faster than five fast men.

Well, that's because I'm right in front of the camera.

Oh, fuck.

How convenient, sir.

Don't worry, folks, we have more prank calls to do tonight.

We're not done yet.

Yeah.

NowLive.com is a little funny.

It makes my I.E. crash.

I guess so.

And that keeps causing my video feed to die.

God damn it.

Anyway, this is number for a stick cam show, Monkey Sex says.

Send it in.

Send it in, dude.

Yeah, let me know what the show is, too.

The Live 105 show, apparently.

Disturbs to stop using Internet Explorer.

I need a call.

I don't know if you can play this call, but it's a very funny call.

It was from the Howard Stern show, where he called up some black prostitute, and he kept making racial remarks.

And there's something about, you can say, nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger.

There's something about monkey sex and everything.

I don't know if you have that.

I really want to hear that.

Oh, that's Anger Man, right?

It's going to go in my favorites.

I don't know if you can send that to me.

Anger Man, called Black Love.

Yeah, I got it here.

It's definitely on the Howard Stern show, because you can hear Howard Stern in the background.

Hey, Dave.

I'm looking for a hot, horny, black woman.

There you go.

And you've reached the right number.

If you want to get off on one of our ghetto girls, press one-

Hi, honey, how are you?

How are you, honey?

I'm good, baby.

Hey, pang-a-pang bitch, how you doing, baby?

I'm good.

Look at this white fucking cock!

You know I was a little hot, a little monkey pussy, don't you?

I want you to lick this hot monkey pussy.

Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey.

Fucking monkey bitch ass.

Come on.

Fucking give it to me.

Stick that big fuckin' dick up in this big fuckin' monkey ass.

All I know is I wanna take out this damn trouser, Trout!

Stick it right in your ass, you nigga bastard!

Grab my big fuckin' dick ass, son.

Mm-hmm.

Lick your asshole.

What are you fuckin' callin'?

Some nice ball bag lickin' on me.

Fuckin' little hot little nigga.

I don't go along with you.

I don't fuckin' slide that fuckin' big ass white cock inside of me, motherfucker.

Yeah, you wanna be in me, honey?

You want me to give you some nigga shit on your dick?

come on

just going wild

doing monkey jungle

love with you

there you go

Jim

you just already did

check your email

you should have it

any second now

you got it man

alright so anyway

what we were saying

we got more

tons of more numbers

tons of more pranks

we're going to be doing

tonight here

don't worry

we're just going to

take a break here

for a little bit

when we come back

we got the

what do we got here

milkman

where's the list

and change the song

please

I like it.

It's time for break.

Break music.

Coming up after the break, we have Eliz Pringle, Maria Gillen.

We've got a few more people looking for escorts.

I only had one success with those tonight.

We've got an Indian restaurant here as well coming in.

And all your requests, if you have any prank calls that we've done in the past you want to hear,

please let us know.

We'll be more than happy to play them for you, just like we did for Jen.

You can call us also.

We're toll free, 1-888-278-8509.

Be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

i'm gonna be back in about five minutes and uh yeah thanks everybody for kicking ass man

i love doing this show i'm gonna be sad to let this show go if indeed i do follow through and

let it go you know what i mean hopefully we don't get to that point and yeah so uh i'm stalling for

time as i try to set up my break there we go we'll be back in about five minutes it's 11 42 p.m

thursday may the 15th eastern standard time that is 11 42 uh back in about five thank you thank you

Bisexual

I'm sorry

Be back right after this

7, 8, 5

I hope that when you die

You have your GPS in your box

Trapdoor at the bottom

So when you die

Open that trapdoor at the bottom

And you go straight down

Madhouse Radio is back

You are bigger than a woman

Better than a woman

Do not let a woman

Ever

Make you who you are

Champagne

Hey everybody

Madhouse Radio has returned

Back from the break

Ready for some more talk, more prank calls, more fun

A lot of old school music here tonight

What's wrong with that?

We lost the video feed on Syndicate

It may be coming back, I'm not sure

But audio is working at least

So you guys can hear, this is a radio show

Just having a little snafu or so

Here with the Syndicate radio room

It's just not live, I gotta get set up there for it properly

Didn't have a chance to do that

If you want to call in toll free

The line is open, it is

1-888-2788-509

Again, toll free here tonight

Anywhere in the United States

1-888-278-8509

Here with me tonight of course is Milkman

Jin Stewart, Baz, Brandon Vegas

And the Tuckman

Big Tug in the house

How you guys doing?

Lego says I keep cutting out

Good deal man

Lego says I'm cutting out

Confirm that folks

Is my video feed cutting out?

Is my audio cutting out?

What's the deal?

Give me some more info on that Dr. Lego

Give me someone to work with here

Dr. Cooper

That's right to me.

Dr. C. Everett Koop.

Oh, dude, I got to talk about some stuff.

Guess what I found out today.

You're a little choppy, but I've got a shitty connection.

Guess what I found out today.

So, you know I'm getting married, Jen.

You know about this, Chuck.

Yeah, of course I know that.

You're still going to try to make it?

You think it's possible you're going to make it, man?

You know what?

When you send me that invite, then I will be there.

Woo!

Make it so good.

Of course, Milkman, he's in the wedding.

He's actually part of the wedding party, the bridal party.

Tuck said he might make it up there.

Brandon Vegas might try to make it up there.

We're going to have a big show that week.

What probably will be the final Madhouse show will be that week.

It's one year and two weeks away.

Wow, man.

We're almost at the one-year countdown.

Where is my invite?

Fucking hell.

Oh, invites don't go out for the wedding until six months before, brother, man.

That's his tradition.

The save the date.

We'll get you the save the date one.

yeah dude i'm going all out for this bachelor party i'm gonna try lego said he's coming he's

gonna be bringing in some gear uh stuff like that for us to be able to broadcast i'm hoping that uh

his band will be able to perform yeah sean ward said he's going to um be uh be coming also maybe

he'll perform two live you know we might have like some musical numbers that'd be crazy i was

thinking about actually getting a mariachi band like renting out a mariachi band and having them

play during the show like that that'd be kind of cool i don't know we'll see i'll come because

because I think it would be good for everyone to get together just for one time.

Aren't you banned in Philly?

Yeah, in Philly.

We're probably going to be going to the U.K., going to a strip club.

We might go to a gentleman's establishment, as we call them here.

Yeah, yeah, that's all right.

Hell yeah, there we go.

I'm not going to be drinking or smoking or anything, but I'll go.

You don't have to drink or smoke.

You can be cool and not do that, as long as you're there.

And that goes for anybody else.

I know DTT wants to come, but he's worried about, you know, because he's Muslim.

They've got strict Sharia laws.

All you're talking about is immigration, man.

You come there, and then suddenly somebody tells you, you know, you cannot be here, man.

You are Indian.

You've got to go back to India.

That's right.

Well, anyway, so here's what I found out.

You know, we're getting married in the Greek Orthodox Church, and I'm not Greek Orthodox.

I was raised Roman Catholic.

I'm a non-practicing, non-denominational Christian.

I'm more agnostic kind of these days than anything.

But, of course, you know, we're going the traditional route.

Nice big Greek wedding.

in the greek church that's not good yeah i'm in denial that it's all a fairy tale that's what it

is is that what you're trying to say jen hey so here's the deal it's like here's the deal we're

gonna marry in pennsylvania in the greek church there's one greek church here in orlando in

orlando area there's not a lot of greeks here but they have a church you know it's it's bad luck to

get married and uh have doubt in god at the same time oh god here we go am i gonna get

excommunicated now cardinal jen what's gonna happen i'm just saying i'm just saying jen

Ben Stewart, here's how I feel about it, my good man.

I believe that anything that comes from the Catholic or the Holy See or the Vatican or whatever you want to call it is an interpretation by man.

And nothing can be held, it cannot be held any more reliable than that, good sir, because only God is the person who makes the final word.

Don't worry about a front for Christianity.

Forget about that.

As long as you follow Jesus Christ, you don't have to go to a fucking church and under the priest and all that shit.

That's just a front, you know.

As long as you believe in the ultimate, then don't worry about the fucking Vatican.

I believe in Jesus, the Son of our God, the Creator.

The Pope is nothing but a big pimp, all I give a fuck.

He's just a front for the organization.

As long as you believe in God, you don't have to fucking follow it.

That's all you have to do.

Anyway, here's what I'm getting at.

We need to go through marriage counseling before we can get permission to get married.

Marriage counseling?

Yeah, you're supposed to.

And the Catholic Church does this too.

you're supposed to meet with a priest

and then you go through a few counseling sessions

and stuff like that

the Greek Orthodox Church follows the same thing

so Athena gets on the phone today

and she calls the Greek

we do not go to church

we are not church people

we believe in God and all that

but we just don't go to church

we're not that kind of people

I have my reservations about organized religion

so Athena calls and says

hi, me and my fiance are getting married next May

and we're calling early

early because we're thinking about

getting the counseling portion out

of the way. We'd like to know what we could do so we can meet with

the priest. You know, Father Malakas

or whatever the hell. You know, all those Greeks who like

Malakalakis, Nicholas, Nick,

Malakas, Petrakis,

stuff like that. Anyway,

Stephanopoulos. So

they go like, oh sure, you have to

he said, no problem. You can meet with

the priest. You have to be a

member of the church in good

standing for three months. And

immediately I'm like, in good standing,

That's a term that I hear used at a bank or, I don't know, a credit agency, in good standing.

And I ask Athena, my dear, can you please elaborate a little bit on what it means to be a member of the church in good standing,

as opposed to maybe a member of the church in arrears or a delinquent?

And she says, well, we have to be on record on the church as having made donations either weekly or monthly

for at least three months before we can meet with the priest.

priest i'm like wow dude so you mean i can't meet with the priest until i give your church

money for three months that's fucked up this is a busy guy you got an appointment and you have to

wait in the waiting list what kind of fucking priest bullshit is that yeah what is that about

you got to pay to get your i'm like dude that is a total turn you know that reasons like that

you

know what i'm really worried about dude uh reason things like

that that happened that i've witnessed and i come from a very religious family my mother

is heavily involved in a catholic church she's at the church five out of seven days of the week

she's in charge of the liturgy she's she's she runs the choir at the church and she you know

we have i have personal you know friends of the family are catholic priests and people like that

okay and i'm you know and i don't live like that anymore i don't live that type of lifestyle she

does but dude you know how is it you know how is it possible that you have to pay before you can

get really you literally have to you know you got to give us some bread is what they're saying

for three months before the priest will even see me i'm like what the fuck is that

shit like that is what pisses me off about organized religion and i'm like i'm liable

to go into the damn counseling session and just go off on my on my views on how organized religion

religion is bullshit you know it's not that i don't believe in god or jesus or christianity

i believe in that but i don't think any of these fucking religions have it right none of them from

the catholics on down to the lutherans to the episcopalians to the mormons to whatever the

hell else there is i don't think any of them know what the fuck they're talking about i don't need

people telling me you know how i got to view my relationship with god i got to pay pay money to

meet with the priest so i i got to pretend to be you know a good christian for at least three

I gotta go to church

I Carlito

Have to go to church

I'm sincere

I don't want to go to church

At all

I just

I don't feel it man

I don't feel God

I don't feel it at all

It's just all

Everyone's just going through

This big song and dance

It's

Well no

I don't know if you're

Being sincere Jen

But here's another thing

Being on the waiting list

Just to hear a priest

Is a bullshit

I'm not kidding you

A religious figure

Of a church

Should be hands on

At any given moment

Maybe

Maybe it's me, small town Mayberry, talking about big city shit.

But where I come from, the religious leader of the church should be hands-on at any given moment.

That's what he does.

That's what he's there for.

He's not just going to be taking appointments to take appointments to some big business man with all the money and stuff.

I'm so busy.

Let this child pencil me in on Tuesday.

Maybe.

milkman i gotta apologize you're on mute whatever you were saying i was cracking

whatever you said that cracked jen stewart up like that and we missed it

what was he doing i thought no carlito you were talking and you just you kept you kept i don't

know i couldn't i couldn't hear because milkman kept saying carlito carlito every two minutes

carlito and he just carried on i thought i thought you could hear him it was so fucking funny

That's funny, Carlito.

I just started talking to Carlito.

Oh, Milkman, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to ignore you, papi.

Carlito.

I didn't mean to...

Oh, shit, that was funny shit.

I'm sorry, dude.

I forgot I put you on mute because you had that echo a second ago.

My bad, my friend.

Anyway, so you know what I'm getting at.

I got to go through Ticketmaster in order to get a hold of the priest or something, man.

I mean, that's bullshit.

I got no choice.

You know what?

I got a recommendation for you.

What's that?

I got a recommendation for you.

Join the Universalist Church?

You ought to call Father McQuarters.

Oh.

No, call Father McWatters and get his views on this subject.

Well, here's my other problem.

I'm going to be going to...

I have to go to the Greek Orthodox Church, right?

I'm not going to understand this service at all.

They're going to be talking Greek stuff.

It's a Greek service.

I don't understand that.

When am I supposed to get out of that?

I don't understand.

It's like...

You know, it sounds like Muslim prayer.

Milkman.

Tornado.

Why don't we have our friend, the numbers hit man, look up a priest

and let's see if we can maybe talk to them about this

and invent your issues on him and see what his holy response would be.

His holy response.

Maybe we can get him to coo on the phone.

Yeah, that's right, Jim.

and we're supposed to have a lot of cooing today on the phone.

I forgot about that.

We've got to do some pranks here, guys.

We've got to get back on track.

But that's my gripe about getting married

and now I've got to be all religious and stuff.

What the hell is it, man?

I've got to pay money.

Hey, Russell Loser, find some numbers to like a priest

or a Catholic helpline or something like that.

Let's see if we can get any more than that.

That would basically, well, it boils down to...

Yeah, we've got a lot of suggestions here.

Anyway, so let me go...

got to hear this show

let me go ahead and

run by you guys here

real quick the

different numbers we

got here that just

came in from Lonesome

Loser thank you sir

Joel S. Pollack

or Pollack

in Beverly Hills

Big Johnson

Highway and Gas

Simon Young

is in Kent, England

Great Britain

Great Mart

in Guam

TGI Fridays

Chuck's Steakhouse

and Pub

and the House

of Chin Faye

those are all in

the island of Guam

in the Pacific

where I believe it's

tomorrow afternoon already.

Lucky bastards.

They're almost done with the day.

It's almost Saturday over there,

you know,

almost out of work.

I still got to get up.

Me.

All right,

let's do some more prank calls

and get out of here, guys,

because I got to get some sleep.

I should play some Phil Henry tonight.

I played one last week.

It was a good time.

I might pick up any recommendations

on that, guys.

Let me know.

Any, you know,

Tucker, Baz, or Brandon,

any Phil Henry bits

that you played in the past,

you can play it.

He's working on it.

It's resolved, man.

He's working on it.

Anyway, we're going to call Guam here.

That's the man right there.

We're going to call Chuck's Steakhouse and Pub.

Go back in a minute.

In the camp?

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll have you do the camp.

Well, let me do this one in Guam here real quick.

And then after that, we'll...

Yeah, do it last.

And then I'll call in the last thing.

And then we'll wrap things up.

Okay, cool.

All right, folks.

Anyway, as I was saying...

Just a moment for the next prank call of the night, everybody.

Thank you for standing by.

My one?

How do you mean a prank call?

You and your Indian Bhagwan.

Indian style.

I'm talking steak business, sir.

I got some meats.

You guys got meats over there?

American anymore?

Everyone's all British and Asian.

You just said the F word.

Hello?

Did he say the F word?

Yes.

He did?

He said the F word?

God, I asked you, did he say the F word to me, and you said yes.

Oh, no.

He doesn't understand you.

My goodness.

Well, let me tell you.

I don't know where you got your degree in business,

But you don't go around saying the F word to people like that.

I didn't say that.

Well, he should apologize to me.

I want you to put him on the phone and say he's sorry.

Sir, I'm looking for my apology for what you said on the phone to me.

I'm a...

You said the F word.

No, no, no, no.

Put the word in here.

Oh, you said it again.

Don't put a fucking word in my mouth.

I said...

Well, I don't understand you.

Well, I gave it to the lady.

Well, that's why I said, okay, and then you said the F word.

What?

You said the F-word when you gave her the phone, and then I asked her, did he say the F-word?

Why would I say that to you? I don't even know you.

She's the one that said that you said it.

She said yes, that you said it.

You tell me you're...

I don't know.

I told you two words.

I didn't say anything like that.

Listen, brother.

There's a saying that the customer is always right.

So you be a man, and you say I.

Say after me, I.

You say after me.

The only thing he said, he said all of them, because I don't understand you.

Look, I want him to say after me, I am sorry.

Come on.

Oh, he's not sorry.

He's not sorry.

He said F to me.

Is that how it is?

Is that how you people are?

You people.

Wow.

Shame on you, lady.

Let me...

Why don't you go get his papers real quick?

Who are you trying to talk to?

Does he have papers?

One moment, please.

Okay.

Is he Spanish?

I don't know.

Say something swearing in Spanish.

No, he's Asian.

Maricón.

You think so?

I think he's Spanish.

Yes, sir.

I'm waiting for an apology from the Asian man.

He said the F word.

He said the F word, and then the lady, I asked her, did he say the F word, and she said yes.

I'm in shock.

I'm in shock, sir.

I'm not sure what happened, but I'll get to the bottom of it.

Okay, what is your name, manager?

His name was Henry, I believe, and I can't understand half of what he says when I'm talking directly to him.

Wow.

Real clear, but...

Wow.

That he was cursing at you over the phone.

Well, how would you know if he...

I'm trying to take an order, but I'll get to the bottom of it.

How would you know if he's not, you know, if he can't understand you?

He might be cussing.

All right, I want you to say after me, I, I the manager, say it.

Excuse me?

I need you to say after me, I the manager.

I'm sorry.

I look at what disrespect you say, I'm sorry.

Well, do you know how long I've been waiting for an apology?

I'm the customer, and I'm always right.

Well, I gave you one, and I was giving you one a lot sooner had I known anything about this.

Okay.

But I just now walked in, and the situation was occurring.

I guess you're a little slow.

That's understandable.

Let me ask you a question.

Does he have all his papers?

Sorry?

All his papers?

Yes.

He's been here since his building was built.

He's probably been here longer than any of us, but he doesn't have a...

Is that a concrete building?

I mean...

One would be concrete.

I don't like this place. It stinks, man.

The ocean smells like a whore out here.

Yeah? How long have you been here?

Like two days, man. I got stuck here.

Stupid job.

I've been here about eight years, and it takes a while for it to grow on you.

And time, it'll probably...

Yeah, but, I mean, you've got undocumented workers answering the phone machine.

Well, he's definitely from Guam.

Well, have you checked his documents, his papers, man?

I mean, how do you know?

Yeah, he's from Guam, no doubt.

Um, but I thought that it's kind of early for you to be here having a problem like that already.

Is there anything, is there something, did you want to place an order, or?

No, but, I mean, did you ever see the movie The Last Samurai?

There's many movies, they tend to put me to sleep.

Really, what about Gilligan's Island?

Okay, you remember that time that that Asian guy parachuted down,

and he thought that World War II was still happening,

and they had to fight him, they put him in the cage,

and then Gladys, the monkey, you remember that one?

Yeah?

Well, you gotta worry about these things, you know?

No, Asian people, yellow fever, the yellow tide.

The local people here aren't really Asian.

They're called Micronesian, and there is a difference.

Hey, look, to me, there's two A's and S and I and an N in it.

It's an island.

They're all Asian, dude.

You know, one by one.

Once you've been here for a while, they are a little different.

Vietnamese, Chinese, Cantonese, that type of Asian.

Dernese.

Micronesian.

Do you know there's more of them than there is of us?

On Guam?

There's more Asians than there are Americans anymore.

Sad state of affair.

Military?

No, not anymore.

I ended up joining Blackwater.

I kicked out of the military.

Had a hangnail.

What's a Blackwater?

Blackwater, we're a contractor, a civilian contractor.

Oh, I see, I see.

You're working on probably the military contract and stuff, right?

Actually, I do a little work.

I just got in a little racket.

We collect a check, and all we do is we put up a little fence here and there.

You have to have some type of military experience.

I see.

And you actually, to get in, you have to kind of, you have to suck a dick, you know?

And it's not that bad.

That might be kind of hard.

I don't know if I could.

There's a natural.

And the work doesn't sound bad.

There's a natural gag reflex that we all have.

Oh, I'm sure, yeah.

And it's just a matter of getting over that gag reflex.

My physician, Dr. Leggo, taught me how to do it.

The second you feel that gag, you breathe in, and you go, and you let it go right through.

It's a beautiful axer between two men.

This is not, and there's nothing gay about it.

It's, you know, here on an island like this, like Guam, there's more men than there is women,

and we need to do what we need to do to, it's no big deal.

I don't, I guessed you.

What was your name?

Valente.

Okay.

Yeah.

Actually, in a meeting, when I walked out of it, and walked out of it.

Oh, a meeting, steakhouse meeting.

Ten cents off the steak.

Oh, big meeting.

Anyway, apologize for the meal sometime.

Mierda is what I said.

Mierda.

You know what that means?

No.

It means shit.

That's what it means.

And you know what?

I'm not going to apologize for not saying it.

I'm not going to apologize for saying it.

One.

You're looking for your recorded call.

Press two.

Big meeting.

I got an issue.

I got to take care of something.

I got to play a song real quick here, folks.

I'm going to be back in about two minutes.

I'm very sorry, something just came up.

Hey, perfect timing.

Set right back down, okay?

You guys miss me?

I mean, I miss anything?

The Talented Mr. Ripley.

What music is this playing?

Talented Mr. Ripley, this is Dan the Animator.

He made an instrumental album, two of them.

This one's called Bombay the Hard Way.

It's remixes of old, what are those movies called?

Bollywood movies, stuff like that.

I play in the background sometimes

And I listen to it on my way to work

Sometimes on Fridays

I'll listen to some of this music

Usually when I'm a little inebriated

Stuff like that

It's good stuff

Check it out if you want

Dan the Automator, Bombay the Hard Way

And there's a second one, album 2

I forgot the name of it

You're going to have to figure it out on your own

Go to Wikipedia, look up Dan the Automator

You'll figure it out

I think I might have to end the show

There's something going on at the unit next to ours, and it's getting a little hot.

I think we're going to have to end the show a little early.

Well, not early, but I'm saying we're going to have to cut it off sooner than we thought.

Let's try to do one quick last-prank call.

Let me call in.

Oh, fire.

I heard you.

Call in.

Send me the details.

Yeah, call in, and we'll do Simon Young.

Let me send you the details here.

This is in Kent.

Just yet.

There you go.

Sent, sir.

Sent.

See, Zolar is checking out.

Zola will be on tomorrow

At 9pm eastern standard time

Monkey sex yeah

Where did you send me the number

I don't have any private messages with the number

Send it again monkey

Send it monkey man monkey sex man

Number's busy

Line's clear

It might be disconnected

Oh you're calling the toll free line

Maybe I shut it off an accident

Let me check that out

Hello

Are you our daily friend

Yes

Unmanned from phone number

Double seven double oh two one

Here

I know

This is fifty thousand dollars

Double seven double oh two one

Thank you

Good luck

Alright Jen I'm fixing it now

It'll be up in a second

Just stand by

Don't do nothing

Okay so we got this number here

Got it

Alright monkey six

I'll call it before I head out

For the night

I'll call the guy on stick

And the black guy playing rap music

It's always fun

We're gonna be calling

Kent in England here

Coming up next

Lonesome Loser sent in a number

For Jen Stewart to call

We got a

We got those

Those religious numbers here are also milk, man.

I might try to do one.

We've got some Catholic churches.

Our Lady of Assumption.

A guy answered.

Wow, that's late for them.

They're partying tonight.

Well, the rectory, that's where the priest lives.

Jen, you're good to go.

Go ahead and call, man.

CBS is buying CNET networks.

Coke and he sent that in a little earlier.

I heard about that.

CBS has been buying up a lot of Internet-related stuff lately.

Let me know if that works for you, Jen Stewart.

Yeah, it's a lot.

It seems to be working.

There we go.

Shavs and Kent

What's Kent's status like?

Wikipedia stuff is sometimes good at that stuff

Or when it gets a first, gets a gold star

Kent, England

It has definitely with the ferry and the underground

Dover

Dover is where my

I was going to take the European cruise

It was going to head out of Dover

Yeah, Dover's in Kent

Okay, well there's some information

Maybe we'll get some more clarification later

Alright, anyway, in the meantime

We're calling Simon Young in Kent

Hang on, folks

I don't know if you're still here.

I'm Gene, I told you, man.

Work, I'm spouting to the house.

What's sunshine all about?

What the fuck is that?

It's saying a lot of...

You're like, if you're talking to a kid or something...

I don't know if that home in London where you go,

you go south or north-east or...

Posh.

And what's posh supposed to mean?

Like, well, we can...

Posh, like...

Fancy schmancy people

Fancy schmancy

He says he thinks he's posh

Anyway, okay, let's call him back

And pick him up on his bets

He thinks we won't call him back, we'll show him

Posh bastard

Hang on, folks, we're doing it again

Doing it again

What did you want me to Wikipedia about Ken?

Yeah, go ahead, what do you know?

What did you need to know about that?

In general, like, what are the exporter?

I mean, what's the whole, you know

What does it say, the highlights of Ken itself?

itself. What's it known for, or

history, or something, anything?

Ah, it's still a work in progress.

Yeah, let me read this. I'll check back

with you after the call. Alright, do that, do that.

Cool, cool, cool.

At the end, we'll try it at the end again, alright?

Losing my headphones here. Um, no, stay on the line

here, because we're going to wrap it up soon.

If you want to do another personal person,

personal person, I got Raymond Weston.

Excuse me, does this happen to be Skype, or something

like that?

We're busted.

Hey, Simon, how are you, man?

Who are you?

People, yeah, it's...

Hold on, it's your mother, isn't it?

He's in a conference, Chris.

What are you?

He's 29 million and...

I mean, I can't understand the actual...

Simon's on your head.

Oh, is this the head?

You phone me and I get charged for it or something like that?

Yeah, yeah, we charge you 50 million, you know?

Yeah, right, okay.

And your car, I want your car.

It's a nice car.

I'm sure you do.

Simon, Simon, if you know what's good for you,

you're just going to forget about what happened?

Otherwise, we call Ian.

So we've got an American and an Indian.

India, man.

man. You don't say India, man. I'm not from

India. I'm from Bangladesh.

I'm from Bangladesh. Even worse.

Benglamato. You know what it is?

When

you were over the range.

So shut up. But he's still there.

That's why I let that happen because every once

in a while we get busted like that. It's always the best.

It reminds me back

like two years ago I was doing a show

when Zola and I were both online, conferenced

and we were prank calling this

hobo RV

camp place or something.

And we got an answer machine

machine, so I let it beep through, and we just start talking, like, yeah, you know,

we talk for, like, three minutes straight about the dumbest, we're talking about, like,

you know, Lego brings up, you know, what would you do if you were in public and you had to

scratch your ass, you know, and we're just holding a conversation, the three of us talking,

talking, and all of a sudden, we hear the beep go, beep, and we're like, oh, shit, you

know, that guy's going to get, like, a three, four-minute message of us just being stupid.

So, yeah, so then, it's, like, five, it's, like, four, four in the morning, that same

same night, and my phone rings, and apparently I forgot to block my number when I called

this guy, and he, he calls me this psycho-sounding redneck guy, and he's like, motherfucker,

you call again, and you're talking that shit, I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker, I got your

name, he's like, that was his name, uh, I'm sure I can dig it up, yeah, then I, I gave

it to Zolar the next day, cause the next day was Friday, you know, and, you know, I said,

hey Zolar this is the guy that we called

we left him a voicemail he called back and threatened to kill me

so Zolar called him

and actually like he's like I know you

from the Howard Stern show the guy recognized him

from the Stern show and they started like talking for like

an hour and had this like weird wacky

conversation I wish I could get audio

that man I never

recorded I guess yeah but he

called back all kinds of pissed off

and when I tried to get Zolar to call him back again

he was like all calm and cool about it

and I even tried to call him a few weeks

later and he was really cool about stuff

stuff, he didn't care, so, whatever, that's my story, true story, everybody, here on Madhouse

Radio, so, moving right along here, I would like to call a church, um, yeah, Our Lady

of Assumption, the rectory, uh, where the rectum is held, the rectum of Christ, they

hold it there in the rectory, uh, this is in Carmichael, California, you hear that wheeze,

I'm wheezing again, man, I'm gonna die like a 32, I'm such an overweight, diabetic American

american person i'm gonna die no one hopefully you won't die before you get married hopefully

i won't die before the end of the show tonight all right let me try that here our lady of

assumption rectory let's see if they answer one moment well i gotta announce i still have to call

that guy who's on stick camp also before i forget yes he's in the madhouse wikipedia his whole story

the website try the next one here this is going to be saint columbus you must make an appointment

yeah you must you must you must enter your credit card after the tone to speak with somebody

on your religious emergency.

Anyway, St. Columban's Rectory,

this is in L.A.,

close to Milkman.

This is where Milkman goes to church.

He receives Holy Communion there.

This is where you're going to start

and involve me as well.

That's how it's going to happen.

Good work, my friend.

Good evening.

Hi, good evening in Christ.

How are you, my child?

Sorry?

How are you, my child?

How are you, sir?

I'm not here, sorry.

The line is very, very poor.

Who am I speaking with?

This is Father McWhorters.

How are you, sir?

Sorry?

Father McWhorters.

I am Father McWhorters.

How are you?

John Bandigan.

How are you, sir?

I'm wondering if I could possibly hold service this weekend with you.

I have no manpower.

Well, I would like...

Listen to me, damn it.

I would like to come in and speak about my chair.

I will hold mass with you.

We can preside together over the Eucharist, the consecration.

No, this is not...

I do me, sir.

Good.

His phone sucks.

I'm going to call him back.

I'm going to call St. Martin Rectory.

Place a call.

Press 1.

Enter your destination.

It's the one we got through before.

We'll try him again.

Hang on.

We still got to call that damn stick cam thing.

I keep forgetting.

I was talking about it just a moment ago.

I got that here.

But I did promise to call this damn stick cam show.

Hang on.

Let me get that.

Here's that number.

Here's somewhere.

Had a pretty good show tonight, though.

I'll tell you what.

Too bad, wasn't it?

I lost the damn number again.

Monkey sex, man.

It goes by too fast on this NowLive.

The private messages, it doesn't open in a separate window.

It stays in the chat room under like a private.

There we go.

I found it now.

There we go.

He sent it in.

Thank you, sir.

Okay, here we go with that.

Matrix.

That went nowhere.

Almost coughed the lung up in that process.

I'm losing the gas.

It would have sounded funny with the voice changing.

Imagine the way they fucking with that.

Yeah.

Hang out with it.

Yeah, we'll see.

We'll see.

Okay, here's the last call of the night.

Actually, here's another one.

St. Adelaide Directory.

We got another church in the house.

I didn't know Nunu was around.

Nunu was here?

Holy crap.

Look at that.

Who knows?

Baz in any report, Baz?

on Kent, England?

Did you compile your data?

Yeah, I did.

I have an idea for your...

Hold on, let me just

pull it up here.

All right, sure.

Baz is going to get that.

Jim, hang on.

I'm going to dial

the number,

then you can...

Hold on, hold on.

I have an idea for that

just before you dial it.

Okay, what's that?

Go ahead, Jim.

If you're abusing

children or something,

and then I'll come on

as a little boy

and say,

this is the guy

that did it.

I'll tell him that I heard

that there was some

good action there

or something.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, you know,

I'm following the recorders

and I'm looking

Looking for a little bit, yeah, okay.

Oh, man, I'm going, this is bad.

All right, Baz, take it away with your report on Kent.

All right, yeah.

Okay, well, it seems like Kent, England has quite a history of being combative,

and it's been involved in quite a number of rebellions throughout history.

And let's see here.

They were involved in at least three or four different rebellions.

Do you want some demographics?

Yeah, what are the demos there?

Yeah, okay, the demographics are

Population of 1,579,206

96.5% white, 2% Asian, a bunch of others

Sir, do you have some assistance?

It's an urgent problem that's come over me

This feeling hit me all of a sudden

I was trying to go to sleep, I was in prayer

Praying the rosary and I wasn't the last Our Father

hit me and it was almost like the presence of something is just hitting me and i feel so down

i'm in so much pain terrible pain father you please pray with me this is valente my son my

son is around he said i should probably give you a call i was in the middle of prayer and i started

getting this pain in my chest pain in my chest it's almost like something like an elephant sitting

on my chest right now i believe that some demon or something like that has taken the hold of my soul

Father, who art in the highest kingdom come, hallowed are your name, on earth as it is in heaven. Our kingdom come, thy will be done, as it is in heaven. In heaven. Give us that God, our daily chatter. Forgive those who trespass on my lawn, as we forgive those who don't leave the toilet seat down. I don't know who is on the line.

Where are we going with this?

I don't even understand it.

I don't know.

How do you feel about stem cell research, sir?

What is wrong if they use...

How do you feel about stem cell research?

Can you speak up, sir?

Mucho loco, mucho loco.

You got to use those pipes, baby.

Sir, we not microwave a burrito.

I got another question for you.

Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?

Hey, why would, why would he do it?

Of course he would.

Well, he's got a microwave and a burrito.

Well, could, see, he's hungry.

He's smoking a little bit of his stuff, you know.

He wants to eat.

He wants to have a burrito.

Everyone loves a burrito.

It is possible that he wants a burrito now.

But the microwave is so hot that he couldn't eat it.

He doesn't have to eat.

Is it possible? I mean, it is possible, right?

Yeah.

What would he eat? Beans?

Oh, he ate when he was down here. He ate lamb.

all the time lamb chops he drank beer the wine they he did the whole wine and

water no wine I bet you he could turn chicken into steak he could couldn't he

do that he could turn chicken in the state couldn't you you know probably be

pretty bad after this phone call I'm making pretty bad huh I'm sorry father

will you put in a good word for me you know maybe gonna give me a pass no

No penance, no penance, okay?

I'll tell you what, I don't remember the act of contrition anymore,

but I'm really, really sorry that I called and woke you up and gave you a hard time, all right?

So what's my penance, huh?

Nope.

Are we good?

All right, we're good.

Gracias, man.

Gracias, gracias, padre.

Gracias.

Good night, sir.

All right, good.

Hey, good night.

Good night, Jen.

No worries.

I'll tell you what, we can pray and call all the priests we want as long as we get absolution at the end.

good to go

I felt bad too

that's why I had to

kind of even it out

at the end

that's bad

if my mom knew

man I'd be in trouble

you don't want to know

alright Jen

I'm going to end the show

my friend

to the computer you go

yes sir

thank you

alrighty

that was fun

we had a good show

tonight everybody

calling and calling

and calling some more

tonight we did

Milkman you ready

to take us out of here

Milkman's not even here

what the fuck

is that about

yeah I'll take you out

take us out Jen

alright everybody

this is Madhouse Live

thank you for tuning in

it's been great fun

It's been really weird to have me on the show

But thanks to everybody else who was there to start

Baz, Brandon, Tuck

I don't know who else was there to start

Somebody else was there

But it doesn't matter

Thank you everyone for listening

And thank you everyone who listens to us

Because it makes us, you know

Milkman does his own shit

And I'm not going to try and copy Milkman

I have to do my own shit, you know

I hardly ever come on the show

And it's nice to come on once in a while

And, you know, surprise everyone

And try to be funny

I hope you're entertained

And, you know, check out the website

site, matthouselive.com.

Hopefully, this will be up on the podcast

within the next few days, if I'm not wrong,

Carlito, because I'd like to download it myself

and listen and see what I sound like.

That's the plan. I try to get it...

Other than that, what can I say? I had me on the show.

Me on the show. Jim Stewart on the show, right?

Right. JimStewart.com. So, check out

my website, too, if you get really, really bored

and go to JimStewart.com. It's a good site.

I'm really, really fucking bored.

It's alright. It's good.

It's getting better.

Check them out.

So, look out for them.

tucker mike.com check us out thursday nights at 10 o'clock next thursday are we doing this next

thursday or are you doing this next i don't know if i'm doing this next i hope you're doing it next

thursday always i will i will i will be here i don't know who else would be i would love for you

to be here milkman everybody else the crew will always be here man and your your spot's always

here i doubt i'll be here you know it's really rare for me to come here it's very difficult for

me to come on on a on a friday at 2 a.m in the morning it's very difficult in any case um yeah

but when you can

I hope you do have fun

and I will listen to the podcast

I do listen to the podcast

good deal

keep in touch

with the podcast

I want to thank

Syndicate Radio

everybody over there

thanks

sorry the video went out

in the second half of the show

oh yeah Ted

Syndicate Radio

yeah that's right

I want to thank Ted

I didn't even realize

you were on Syndicate

I didn't even know

yeah we are

we are

Ted and PCU Radio

I want to thank you

and you guys

for listening to us over there

everyone listening

to us on 98.6 the mouth

everyone everywhere man

all the people

from all

So many codes in it.

All across the nations.

It's just this line ringing.

I don't know.

Maybe it was the cops.

I'm Milkman.

Hello.

Hey, Jonathan.

What's up, man?

Ah.

Hey, Milkman.

What are you doing?

We're here.

Good deal.

Yeah, we're here.

Milkman's back, too.

Isn't that great?

Yeah, we're here.

That's good.

So what have you been up to?

How's the bussing business?

Bussing around?

Yeah, he can do his own outro.

Oh, pretty good.

We're just wrapping it up at the end of the year.

The 27th is our last day.

Uh-huh.

Are you doing any summer work?

No, not this summer.

Oh, you're going to take a break.

Man, enjoy it, man.

Get yourself some steaks, you know, pina coladas, take a few trips to Disney.

You go to Disney, like, every week when you're on summer vacation, man.

Yeah, I suppose, you know, I know sometimes in the summer I might stop by and see you.

Yeah, for sure, man.

When you do come down, I'm telling you, we've got to go to Gator World together, man.

They just reopened Gator World after that big fire.

They've got a whole new museum, and they've got alligators out there,

and the alligators are having sex in the water in front of you.

and they feed them chickens.

Oh, really?

Yeah, not live chickens.

They're like, you know, the store, you know, like the fun, man.

It's fun.

Definitely let me know when you come down.

June or whatever it is, let me know and we'll do that.

We'll have to meet before the show ends.

You know how that might?

Oh, yeah.

All right, Jonathan.

So anything else going on?

Oh, not much.

I've been trying to get this computer fixed.

I've been, I guess, on change providers for my phone.

Oh, you did?

South?

Who you got now?

I'm back with Alltet.

Alltet.

Alltet for cell phone stuff.

Okay, I got you.

Cool.

Cool, man.

My internet's running off cable.

Okay, yeah, mine too.

It's reliable.

The most reliable internet there for now

until we get fiber out here, you know?

Yeah.

All right, Jonathan, now's your chance.

Say hi to all the people and guys.

Find the same for this, sir?

I gotta say, welcome to the future.

Yes, that's right.

We didn't miss Milkman.

Thanks, man.

All right, bro.

Thanks for calling.

Yes, sir, you too.

Jonathan checking in at the last minute.

He's well known for checking in at the last minute.

Well, Milkman, you finally made it back.

Yeah, the very last minute.

The last second.

I was, like, right about to hit that button, man.

Well, Milkman, thanks for coming back, bro.

Oh, man, my connection's been down, and I haven't been able to bring my connection up all this time.

I've been struggling with it.

Really?

Have you been able to get into the chat room at all ever since?

Nothing?

Not at all.

It keeps telling me I'm on a proxy, and that's not true.

I'm not on a proxy.

It tells me the same thing every time.

I'm not even the same hotel.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

We'll figure it out.

We'll get together this week, and we'll see if we can figure it out.

I've got to contact the Wicked Wire.

We'll figure it out.

All right, folks.

We're out of here.

Thanks for listening.

I tried on Trillion.

I tried on Java.

We'll figure it out.

All right.

Hey, thanks, Syndicate.

Thanks, everybody listening.

PC Radio, MadhouseLive.com, 98.6.1.com, all that stuff.

I've got to go.

Yeah, baby.

Don't forget to stop in next week because we're going to have some fun shit for you.

And check out JimStewart.com.

Yes, sir.

All the guys over here at the Madhouse, we love you.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking penis dicks!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (19, 1 h 11 min of 2 h 24 min)

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