Memorial Day ’08

And now for my next number, I'd like to return to the, to the, to the classic.

This is a Madhouse Radio Classic.

What's up, man?

How are you, dude? That's good.

Get low. What have you been up to? Working or just chilling?

Yeah, today I was kind of dicking around.

Yeah?

I had...

You still got to keep going.

Fuck. What's that?

I was going to ask, you're not done for the night still? You got to keep going after this?

Yeah, I might.

You might?

I don't like it.

Might be. I'll help you make it through it, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I'll be good.

All the time? You're used to doing shit like this all the time?

That's a hard life to live man

I used to live that before

I did it for like 5 years straight

And man for real

It took like 2 years to get better

To get normal again

I can get up early when I need to

Sometimes I feel like I do better

When I'm minimizing sleep

If I get one day a week where I can sleep in

I'm like good to go

I can go the 6 days and get one day where I sleep

Like an extra 4 or 5 hours

And I'm cool

Yeah

I can get a job

As a songwriter

And all I do

Is fucking write songs

Every day

As long as I get my work done

I can do whatever

The fuck I want really

Really

Well that's true

As long as you're doing

Your work and shit

Then it doesn't matter

What the fuck you do right

Yeah exactly

That's where I've gotten to

In my life

To where I used to be

You know

Every other job

Is the opposite

Every other job

You gotta fucking

Completely look busy

You gotta appear

To do this

Or appear to do that

And it has nothing to do with

You know what I mean

Yeah

Especially the

Jeez

That was like

Like, the biggest hassle.

Like, I had to, like, they couldn't explain to me.

I don't know.

It's not for me.

I don't know why.

Well, you did it.

Were you young?

You were young when you did that, right?

I was.

I joined at, like, fucking 18.

18 and shit?

What did you do?

You just four?

You did your four?

No, I did three.

Three?

Because I got, uh, I got, uh, let out a little early.

Was it hot?

It was hot?

That sucks, dude.

I got hot.

I mean, at least you got to do something for three years, you know?

You got to shoot a gun.

That sounds cool.

That is fun.

I mean, it was alright.

Alright, it was a lot of fucking, it was also a lot of fun.

I'm just, I'm just like doing some pranks, you know.

I'm broadcasting it in case there's anything good, you know, I'll put it up.

I was wondering if you wanted to do some pranks, but, uh.

Yeah, that's fine.

What kind of shit, I got a huge, like, an old log of numbers from way back in the day, you know.

Most of them are still pretty good.

Take over, like, a Chinese restaurant or something.

I'm trying to think what we could do here.

I'm trying to think, like, you know, I want to prank some places.

Some other English speaking.

Yeah, we got, uh, I'll tell you, like, off the top of my head, we got Australia, New Zealand, uh, Guam is always fun.

What the fuck is in New Zealand?

I've met a couple of them.

New Zealand?

It's, it's, it's, I think it's in the Pacific.

Yeah, I just don't know what their deal is.

Yeah, they used to be, like, British, like a British protectorate, like, something.

Oh, yeah.

And, uh.

I can't think of anywhere funny to call.

Alright, I'll tell you.

I want to hear, I want to call somebody that, like, I can't, like, you know what we should

call?

We should call the Netherlands, maybe.

The Netherlands?

I'll, I'll see.

I'll probably, I'm sure we got, look, look, in New Zealand, I've got Tree Monkey.

That's all I got in this log, unfortunately.

Huh

I forgot the name

What's the name of the town

It has a town

Queensland right

Isn't it Queensland

New Zealand

Yes

Is it Queensland

No it's Australia

I got gay construction

Where

In Australia

It's like

It's Monday afternoon

Right now in Australia

Okay

Well let's see

What we can do over there

Gay construction

Alright we'll call them

Let me see what else

We got there

Okay Shadow Lounge

Pizza Hut in Australia

Three Monkeys Coffee

How about

Let's call that

What shit

You said like two ones ago

You said pizza

That's kind of weird

I've got to call them

What about

You remember a prank you did once

To pizza runners

You want to try to call them

Yeah pizza runners

Let me look for pizza runners

Hang on

Let's see if I find them

I found them here

Okay yeah

They're in New South Wales

Yeah

Those look stupid

Right here

Pizza runners

Alright let me

Let me connect

Try the same thing

See if it goes better

Yeah

Alright hang on

Might be a little bit of a hold

What would the pizza runners call

I'm not remembering

Might be a little bit of a hold

Hang on

They'll go anywhere

what was the pizza runners call you said um he called as like tony montana kind of like hey yo

we need some runners you know i hear you how far away from the beach okay yeah that's that's a

classic i i um tuck let me see if i can get uh yeah bruno vega that's the one let me look at

lonesome losers log here from recent i think i have the last toll free there we go i think that's

That's the last phone card.

Let's see if it still has any minutes here.

I hope it does.

I'm in the memory.

Let's see if this works.

There we go.

Oh, man, I don't have a defined numbers in the United States right now or Guam.

I can call Guam, I think.

That sucks, man.

I wanted to call Pizza Runners.

Tuck, you don't have a toll-free card, do you?

I don't think I do.

do and it did i don't know if it's international yeah see a spoof isn't international it'll call

guam i found out by an accident that it calls guam but this is not going to be much of a surprise

thing if we can't call it international i really want to call it international yeah that would be

let some losers like nowhere to be seen

let me run and look y'all let me run and look i know right here like i have no idea who the guy

is online yeah we're getting by man i got an account of the art site that it's international

national numbers i could try to buy one real quick hang on let me go let me go try that

that's good don't worry website is that's the thing got one listener i wonder who the hell

it is that's listening hey listener it's probably katie k this is talking to us i gotta get some

new material oh dude hey man there's this video of katie k like drunk off his off his ass passed

out in front of his computer then he gets up he takes off his pants and he walks away he comes

his back, like, he spills a drink all over himself, and he takes off his clothes, and

he passes out, and he's, like, rubbing his head all over the, like, he's, like, rubbing

and massaging his head for, like, five minutes.

What the fuck?

Yeah, I'll send you a link to that.

It's really creepy, man.

Oh, that was creepy enough, seeing him on Stern.

That was the creepiest shit I've ever seen.

Yeah, he's a weird dude, man.

He's a fucking douchebag, yeah.

Yeah.

I kind of feel bad for him sometimes.

Yeah, me too.

He's just, he's kind of like, I don't know, he's just not funny, man.

Yeah, I'll say that

It was cool that he had that shit

I don't even know how the fuck

How the fuck did I even get hooked up with KDK

He's not funny

That guy KDK, he's just not funny anymore

Yeah, but no, I was saying like

How did I even get hooked up

I'm trying to figure out how I even found his

Who found him?

Like I found him

You found him? I don't know

You probably just found PCU

Heard him on the air, I don't know

Did you find him through Zolar or Dr. Lego?

No, I didn't know them before him

I don't remember how you

You just kind of

Showed up once

Yeah

It was gotta be

A link off of something

I don't know

Probably shoutcast man

Yeah

It had to be a link

Off of something

I'd love to remember

That's pretty funny

Yeah

I don't even know

Good times though

Yeah

I don't even remember

How I found

Just know one point

I listened for a while

Then KDK was like

I'm giving

Free slots out

I was like

I could probably do it

I told him

And I did it

Just kept doing it

I did it like

Right when Zolar

Started too

So it was kind of like

We both started together

other dollars like taking it pretty pretty far it's got a pretty good show now man yeah yeah

it's doing pretty well yeah from what i understand yeah yeah all right anyway can i get in that phone

card here hang on don't go anywhere give me a second here more than a second but man everybody

listen to this i found something but um i don't know if it's international we got it

You know I got it

Correct

Yeah I got a five dollar

I think it said five dollars

You have five cents

Oh

In my national money

You got five cents

Five cents

I have five cents

I got something else

I'm gonna type in and see

I don't know if it's international though

Yeah we'll send it in

Tuck says he found one

What?

Tuck's on the station also.

You can't hear him, but he's saying he thinks he found a card that might be international we can test out.

Oh, sweet.

We'll try it.

This one isn't even ringing.

I don't think it's going to work.

That sucks.

I thought I had it.

I thought it said $5.

I was like, whoa.

Thank you.

Are you getting something for me?

All right, I'm going to call this dude here.

You're welcome.

Let me see where it's at.

Because we've got to figure, we've got to call stuff that's open, you know?

Okay, but you said...

We've got 7-Eleven in Michigan.

An Arab guy answered.

soon let me see where the hell he is let's see here he's in troy michigan there's a lot of arabs

in michigan man that's all it's like a big arab population of yeah the last last fucking uh is it

yeah fucking i had a producer i was working with weird town troy's fucked yeah there's nothing good

good going on in detroit at all they've got like the worst one of those fucking places in the

country yeah i don't know what might be the dead yeah they'd chase people off fucking bridges

great things happen in town but it's like it's like upper michigan's like this that the auto

industry and it was fucking it's gone fucking left because the american car fucking up tonight

i'll tell you what though if i was gonna buy a car do those chrysalis guarantee you like three

dollars a gallon i think it's i don't know how much three dollars a gallon yeah it's like if

If you buy Chrysler

Isn't that crazy

Really

Yeah it's a guaranteed

Like uh

Guaranteed a certain amount

Of uh

Certain amount of money

Oh really

I don't know how the fuck

They'll do that

How'd they do that

Like that's what I'd love to know

That's weird

The runners

Pizza runners

Alright let me try to call this one

You sent that in right

Alright we're gonna

Let me try this

Oh sorry sorry

Oh wait don't even worry about it

Just call

Let's call Puerto Rico

I wanna find out like

I just really wanna fucking

I don't know what it is

I just

Like this is a night

Like I really want to get people agitated

Yeah well let's call this

Let's fuck with this Arab dude

Hey you know what

You know those um

Fuck you bitch motherfucker

That donut guy

Yeah

Okay he disappeared

I called

You know on

On Friday

I called

The old restaurant

The old store

And I said hey is Sam there

And the guy's like no

He's working at another store now

I was like oh really

He didn't have a number

But he told me

It's on 10 mile road

Off of Oak

Like Oak Park

Or Detroit Michigan he said

It's a Dunkin Donuts that's there

And he said that

That's where Sam works

You know what

I'm gonna try to call it now

10 mile

Yeah

Let's call him down

Let me try to find it

He used to leave it

Like this time though

So

Maybe we can find out

At least the fucker's there now

I don't know if it's Detroit or what

Sunday

On a holiday

Here I found it

Dallas is even open

You never know

This is a 24 hour one my friend

Alright hang on

This is Dunkin

I found it here

Dunkin Donuts

Michigan

It says 10 mile road

I finished my story for that one.

I'll do it.

What'd you say to him to get him all cussing?

Oh, man, everything that...

Like, I'd just call in and I'd just say,

you're mom.

Like, I think that's all I did.

It was like...

It would have been the most retarded prank

had he just hung up,

but he got so mad at me.

And then after that, like,

I used to call him and said,

hey, I left my debit card there

and he'd go look for it and...

You know, then he'd come back

and I'd play it back to him

and say, fuck you, bitch motherfucker.

He's like, come over here, I'm gonna...

He says all this, he's a fucking ass.

Alright, let's see if this is him.

That'd be cool.

Fuck.

It's kind of in that same vein.

Yes, hello, is Sam there?

Yes, is Sam there?

No.

Is there a Sam that works here?

No.

I mean, the other store, and they told me that he works here.

No, he was not here.

I'm trying to find my brother, Sam, please.

I must speak to him at once.

You're telling Sam?

Yes, I must speak to him at once.

This gentleman is looking...

He has a great inheritance from his father.

We must contact him right away.

No, no, no.

Are you the father?

No.

How can we contact this man?

I'll give you $1,000 cash.

I don't know anything about Sam.

Okay, well, you must hate money.

Hate money?

I do not know.

I do not know this Sam.

Then you must hate fucking money.

You can place a call, press 2, listen to your recording call, press 2.

Alright, I'm going to call Sam's old store now, I got to the bottom of this.

At 3, please enter your date.

Shit, I mistyled it.

Hi, I'm looking to see if I can locate a gentleman named Sam who works there or may have worked there.

A man named Sam that the staff is like.

What's the deal with this?

Listen, I need to speak with Sam.

I called earlier and I was advised that he works at this location, not at the other one.

I'm trying to follow.

The least you can do is just help me out and tell me if I can reach him at another time.

This is a matter of great importance. I must speak to Sam, my brother.

The father is dying. We have inheritance.

This is a family member of his who's been looking for him.

We're getting in the runaround. All we know is that he works at this Dunkin' Donuts.

Who's the manager there?

Who's the manager there, sir, ma'am?

I did not say God damn it.

I thought she was white. She just turned black in a second.

Yeah.

She was all diced and like proper white.

Motherfucker.

Marker, call back.

I told you, call back.

Press zero.

Cross the street now.

Boof?

That's International Gentleman's Club.

Douglas Dick, also.

Puerto Rico?

Yeah, Douglas Dick.

Rio Piedra in America and Puerto Rico.

Yeah.

This is Beverly Hills, Puerto Rico, too.

Fuck, I didn't know that.

Yeah, I bet.

Probably the worst type of fucking neighborhood.

Fuck, I lost it.

What did we say?

Okay, there are divas.

There we go.

All right.

This is like a nice part of Puerto Rico, though, here.

Expensive tourist part.

Hey buddy, how you doing there? I'm from out of town, I want to see what you services you guys offer down there, how I can get directions.

Trying to get directions over at your gentleman's club over there?

Oh, okay, we're in, um, uh, Ashford Avenue.

Tell-

Speak, uh, Spanish.

To Viva's, it's a tell?

Tell a country.

What's the kind of rates you got on there?

$30.

Uh, V.A.P. starts at $240.

Yeah, wait, what's the last one for $240?

V.A.P.

Oh, what's going on in there?

I tell you what, buddy, that fucking VPN is treating me good over here.

I went to see, uh, see, you guys got a donkey show in there?

I went to see a donkey show last night over in Havana.

I tell you what, to see something like that, they got the craziest thing.

You ever seen the Godfather? They had it in there, too.

I didn't think it really existed. It's pretty amazing.

This is the gentlest club we have dancing on stage, uh, Thompson.

Okay, okay.

The girls, yeah, but I mean, it's girls only in there.

It ain't got no man dancing in bikinis.

so uh okay you know what's the address again there okay it's right across the hotel according

he's gonna know where that is all right oh yeah have you guys got anything is this uh legit or

they got something on the side you know where you can like say you want to tell i heard you guys are

uh you know it's more of a country than the u.s i figure is there any way we can get some girls

home with us or what what is that how does that work no no some places does that yeah you can't

you can't touch it what do you mean don't get it i mean i thought i came over here you know have

have some good times and drink some uh and that's it huh hey what if money was no object because i

am an oil tycoon what if the girls to me the girls touch me though what kind of gentleman's club is

this well we got something down in atlanta that's a better than this one you can even take them in

the back room thing is that there's different club different rules that we've uh hey well can

you recommend a club that's uh not very strict clubs are strict there are some in puerto rico

but i don't know the names and it's uh well when uh the other day in the middle they raided one

and they took it they arrested everyone so that's a dusty part of that oh geez i got one of that

what about something where they got uh jet lag stuff you take with you or if you if you check

in the uh san juan star either san juan yeah there's uh the uh there's a big uh because i

need to be escorted around i have no idea what i'm doing down here figure why not a good young

lady i'm gonna offer us good services and paper and uh i thought i thought you guys are a little

more uh third world country it seems like you guys have got uh laws and effect we're part of

the united states sir they can't do all that man thank you what was the name of that paper to look

in again the san juan okay so san just like just like the capital of san juan okay one star and

they got the girls okay wonderful i appreciate what's your name sir edgar all right thank you

very much i appreciate your help and you're a wonderful ambassador for your country you see

See, he's an embarrassment to this country.

That was funny as hell.

No, he's an ambassador.

Ambassador.

Dude, that was funny.

It's like, what kind of fucking place is this?

I know, dude.

It's like, they were like at the Godfather where they went.

They were like, they had a fucking, like, donkey show and shit.

That was, yeah.

It's like, they have a donkey show, like, it's in Mexico or something.

Yeah.

And he's all like...

No, they were in fucking Cuba.

Yeah, oh, yeah, that's right, yeah.

They were in fucking Cuba, which is where they're at, but...

Oh, Puerto Rico.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

It's perfect.

Look, I'm from Puerto Rico, and I know, like, that area where you were recalled right now.

It's, like, a really, it's a really built-up, really nice, like, really expensive casinos and shit like that.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, and it was really funny, because you just, you said it so, like, stereotypical, like,

oh, you got the shows there, like, it's Mexico or something like that.

So he's probably like, motherfucker, this guy.

Yeah, it's funny.

That is funny, man.

Yeah, well, we should look that up.

I'm sure somebody, I wish Lonesome Loser was around.

Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be cool to prank Cuba.

That'd be able to get a phone card to get out there.

Reorder some phone card minutes.

Literally.

If you want to, it's up to you.

Well, yeah, well, the thing is, it's only one minute to the card now on the spoof.

Oh, yeah, I mean, we do.

Yeah, I'll grab my wallet, and I'm going to purchase, like, 60 minutes.

I go, I mean, you want to go?

I mean, I just feel like pranking you.

No, hell no.

Fuck it.

Like I said, we're not doing a show

I'm just, like, fucking chilling, you know, so

Cool,

All right, hang on, dude.

Are you broadcasting, though?

Yeah, I'm broadcasting.

There's no one that's got zero listeners right now.

I'm just, like, I'm testing it out because I redid one of the computers,

so I'm kind of, like, testing it out to make sure it's all running okay, you know?

Okay.

Yeah, but honestly, the listener count is zero, so I don't, you know.

I'm not expecting.

I'm just, you know, like I said, just doing some practice.

Okay.

Well, I'll notify a couple people.

Yeah, get some people to notify.

Tell them to go to the site.

All right, I'm going to go grab the wallet right back, man.

All right, okay.

I've got a nightclub, the Daiquiri Lounge, nightclub, Jose Cholo.

That's in Arizona.

There's a Bruno Vega in Winchester, Virginia.

How about you guys?

Are you telling me anything?

This is like a bank of two and a half years of numbers,

so if you want Chinese, I'll put in Chinese,

or if you pick a city or any kind of store or a name.

Chinese?

Yeah.

Anything, Indian restaurant, I'm telling you, anything.

Oh, okay.

Every single number by Lonesome Losers since the show started,

I got here in a big file.

Holy shit.

Like, I can search it.

It's in the database.

That's pretty amazing.

Wow, really?

Yeah.

That's pretty fucking amazing.

How about, look up...

C-U-N-T?

Yes.

Let's see.

It'll name, find anything.

There's that Douglas Dick.

And you know what else is here?

You remember Dick Dingle?

Mr., we told him he was calling Dick Dingle,

and instead it was you.

I got that number here.

That's old, though.

That's probably really old.

Fuck it, let's try it.

All right, Dick Dingle.

That's really old, Dick.

Let's prank him as Prankmaster.

I'll try.

If anything, it'll be somebody's number, probably the original person.

Dick Dingle, please.

This is Mrs. Dingle.

How are you doing, ma'am?

We're doing product research for Colgate.

We would like to know, does your water have fluoride?

I live in a retirement center in a rented building, and I can't tell you.

Okay, well, how often do you use our product?

What product?

Your Colgate toothpaste?

Colgate toothpaste with tar to control?

I use it twice a day.

Oh, wonderful.

What brand of floss do you use?

Pardon?

What brand of floss do you use?

Gosh, I can't remember what it is.

I'd have to go and get it out of the bathroom.

Oh, that's okay.

We don't want to put you through all that trouble.

What we'd like to say, we're offering a new licorice and candy cane and cherry and mint.

We've got new flavors for Carta Control, and it's also Tata Control, but it's floss.

And we've got those that we might be giving those out.

So we come for your facility and everywhere else.

I mean, we're going to be going door to door across everywhere,

and we're going to be giving these out to everybody, and they're going to be hooked.

It's going to be amazing.

It's sweeping across the nation.

So that's great.

Great. So do you like old westerns?

Do I like old westerns?

Yes.

Not especially.

What sort of movies do you like?

Oh, my goodness. I hardly go to a movie anymore.

I'm in my 80s. My husband is 90.

Oh, yeah?

And actually, he's in very poor health.

He's in the hospital at the moment, and I...

I'm sorry to hear that.

I don't pay much attention to movies.

Okay, well, I'm going to let you go.

I hope this health gets better and a nice evening.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

I mean, I'm sorry, dude.

There's people I could bust with, but she's really nice.

She's a sweetheart.

Yeah, my husband.

That's probably why she even answered the fucking call.

She's a sweetheart.

Poor lady.

Yeah, you got a point.

Dude, that was funny, though, when you asked about the cold case.

I hate it out of the conscience.

You want to have a cold case?

You're full of water.

I know, but it didn't work out too well.

All right, I'm going to call the Elko Key Nightclub.

I'm going to do this one.

You can jump in if you want, whenever.

Okay, I'll try to figure out something.

This isn't PR, Osa.

Yeah. I'll try your number for international too. Thanks, man.

What's going on?

Hello?

Speak English, stupid!

Stupid!

Hello?

You speak-

The direction?

Yeah.

This is, um, street, um-

Hey, shut up, please. Shut up, please.

21?

Shut up, please. Hey, I'm at the embassy suites.

Stupid, that's fucking too loud there.

She tried tracing the call. She's doing star six nine. Yeah.

I don't remember.

How the hell does she know to trace the call?

She's stupid. She's trying to do call return to call back or something.

Ha ha!

Place your call. Press one.

Please enter your destination.

Stupid asshole.

We're back. Gassy in Las Vegas I just saw here.

Old guy. Frederick Gassy.

Yeah, let's do it.

I'm gonna do that one alright.

Las Vegas, Nevada.

I went down a strip, you know?

Who's this?

Time.

How you doing?

You don't remember?

Do you know him again?

You know, I used to have time going down to Stardust Times.

I know who you are.

Time is there.

Oh, don't you remember me?

Where are you from?

I know you from.

You know?

Oh, no.

You used to have a couple drinks all the time.

Many drinks.

Peaky and all that.

Person.

No, I used to drink the club sodas.

You didn't drink.

No.

No, no.

I never drank with you or anybody else ever.

Not about me or something.

Phone number entered is invalid.

Let's try him again.

Hang on.

Don't say anything while I dial that.

Phone number you wish to call.

Try him this time.

You got it?

Yeah.

What's his name again?

I heard Cassie.

you know that's what's wrong with you know who you are don't remember the other day i got already

you what do you mean but thanks the voice one drink with me just one drink you gotta be like

that fraggy it's gonna be good dude you're getting right one getting in there all right

don't say anything while i put this about five minutes to your card press three all right here

we go to place a call press listen to your recorded calls press three that's a good we'll

Okay, what?

I'm going to get up.

I'm going to find this shit out.

What?

I think they're like Australia time.

Time is...

It's Guam.

Like right before the line or right...

I think it's right after.

Asia.

Let me see.

Current local time in Guam.

It's coming up now.

It's 2.35 p.m. Monday.

Sweet.

2.35 p.m.

Tomorrow, yeah.

It's tomorrow afternoon.

Don't mess with these fucks.

I can help you.

Hey, sister.

Hey.

Question, do you guys do the iced coffee there?

Yes.

You do?

Question, when you give out the iced coffee...

When you give out the coffee,

What does it say on the cup itself?

What do you put on it?

What?

When you sell hot coffee, you have a warning on it, right?

Warning on the hot coffee.

What does it say?

Let's see.

I want to give it to me in a cup, and it has a message on it, right?

It says warning is hot, right?

Uh-huh.

Now, why doesn't the iced coffee say it's cold?

Ice.

Happened to me?

Sensitive teeth, and anything cold that hits my teeth gives me pain to spit it out.

I go, and I get a sip of this iced coffee you gave me in the drive-thru.

As I'm pulling at my teeth, and all this ice got in my teeth, and it started hurting,

And I spit it out and it covers seeing I got to a car accident

It's supposed to say warning this coffee is cold you about this on them, too

He said I have a case against you go ahead bro

We need to settle we're gonna take you through a long legal process, and you are not gonna like it

You understand it's not well. She says he's slow here. So they

Stupid woman yeah, here's one I remember I bring another favorite heard a prank call. I did once let me clear this

She was still on there.

She was just sitting there.

I called KFC in Guam once, and I told them that they sell me 25 pieces of shit instead of chicken,

and she got mad at me.

I'm going to try to call her again.

This is KFC in Guam.

It's in the mall in Guam.

I'm hungry for some chicken right now.

Did you eat today, Reclude?

Yeah, dude.

My diet consists of this.

It's pretty much like I get up, drink a protein shake, and I fucking go work out.

Then I drink a whey protein right afterwards, and then I whey shake,

shake and then i just eat like chicken and vegetable i'm making it so you're doing that

whole help yeah yeah it's good i just gotta be creative that's the only way i can do it to have

everything right at my disposal what kind of work it out do you like cardio do you like weights or

what do you do like an hour of cardio a day and then i'm also like i gotta wait because this one

guy's teach me how to do weights and i want to fuck it up i have no idea what i'm doing i worked

out a couple times the schedules have been kind of crazy fuck hard to work out when you're busy

busy like that man yeah but i got it like now in the mornings i got pretty happy it's definitely

i've already lost a month or so that's good good for you man yeah man oh you said you were going

to start slowing down on your extracurricular stuff or think about that you said you're going

to slow down like on all the bands so there was like all the um the stuff in the studio like

like staying there a lot i think you mentioned once are you thinking about moving out and yeah

doing the band thing yeah i'm not sure basically i'm just like i'm just kind of looking around

I gotta stay in type band

We kick ass

We go on tour

And I do not want

If a song goes on my

You're around Orlando right

Orlando yeah

Dude there's this bank

So fucking

Who

My name

Cause I got

Reason I did

So she's in Orlando

Well do it man

I mean you got a place

Here to hang out

If you need a place to crash

If it doesn't work out

You can always

Come to our place

You know

We'll do some pranks

Fuck it

We'll just do a show here

Yeah dude

Might as well go down there

I wanna

I have this weird thing

I really wanna go to fucking

Yeah

Disney World

We got the world here

Oh that's right

World there

Yeah buddy

Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, man.

It's a fun time, though.

They have, like, crazy shit around.

Yeah.

Like, it's way too expensive.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, let me know.

Even if you don't stay here, you know, we can just chill.

We'll do, like, a show.

We'll just hang out here and do some calls together, you know.

At least who knows.

Maybe, you know, dude, like, Epcot is mad fun.

Like, if you go, you can get, like, Epcot, you can actually drink on the property.

Yeah.

Like, they have all the countries, and each country has, like, a bar.

Oh, yeah.

And they do, like, Japan does, like, sake, and then Germany does, like, all the beers.

I went there, it was, I mean, it was a, but yeah, I went and seen it, that is pretty fucking cool, they did that shit, that is, that was pretty cool, yeah, I mean, I like, that's one place.

Or knock security there, man, they don't play, man.

Yeah, I know, they do not fuck up, you know, you ever see the one, like, they have these stories of, all these, like, horror stories about what happens, like, they'll just capture you.

No, because we went on a field trip, and we were at MGM Studios,

what they called the Hollywood Studios now, they changed the name of it.

But he was like, oh, he went to shoplift a wallet from one of his stores, dude.

Like, I was hanging out with him.

I was, like, kind of hanging out with him, and I separated myself.

And the next thing I know, I saw him, like, he's like, yo, I'm going to take a wallet.

I'm like, man, JG, don't take a wallet.

Don't be stupid.

You know, I was like, I'm doing this.

I'm going with that.

He got, like, my feet outside the door of that store.

door there was like an old lady who was like an undercover security officer with like a walkie

talkie stopped them and like two seconds later like disney security showed up pieces like like

see the secret service and shit is they remember he told me go to the scared straight they sent

him to the prison and prison and they showed him all the stuff like the scared straight because

he was like we were like 15 as you know they're teenagers you know he said first of hers and

rapists and stuff like that said they were all like yelling at him like i want this one kid

like he was only 12 and scared we're telling him don't freak out and don't laugh at because they'll

actually you know they'll don't you encourage them you know and like the little kid they sort

of tell him that they wanted to like like something's at the end of the stuff he said

he was supposed to be able to scare him and he said he had some gunshots at it it's like yeah

he wrapped balls all tight and stuff they said like the shanks or something they use

Cool, yeah.

No way.

Ma'am, can I remember your name?

This is Sergeant Frederick Johnson, military base.

Sergeant in the U.S. Air Force.

Oh, you're calling Captain Moe, sir?

What's that?

You're calling Captain Moe?

No, no, I am Sergeant Francis Johnson, Sergeant in the U.S. Air Force.

And I just want to ask you a couple of questions.

I'm actually a police officer.

I'm an M.P.

Oh, sir.

Okay, and the problem, I'm going to have a serviceman go down.

This is Frank Johnson, the Staff Sergeant in the U.S. Air Force.

How you doing? I'm a police captain, sir. Can you understand me?

Huh?

Can you understand English, sir?

This is Staff Sergeant Francis Johnson of the U.S. Air Force.

Sorry?

Police officer, and we're trying to investigate some stuff that's happened down there with some soldiers.

They've been chasing around teenage girls, and that's one of the places we said intelligence has said they've been dead.

We want to see if you guys have seen any soldier types, American soldiers, actually Marines.

If you've seen any people like that, they're, uh, one's a Caucasian, about 6'1", the other one is an African, about 5'7", and they're causing a lot of trouble, like, stationing the ladies around there, and we don't want that, you know, it's an insult to your country, we're trying to do you justice, you know.

We just, any information you can give us, we'd appreciate it.

Hello? Hello?

Yeah, hello, is somebody there I can speak to, ma'am?

Yes, can you hear me? Hang up the son of a bitch.

Ryan Turner is calling.

Come over here and give your goddamn country a bunch of weapons.

This is how you repay us.

Hello.

Great.

Hello.

So retarded there.

Those people are so fucking retarded there.

To add minutes to your card, please enter your destination number.

Where did the number go?

What's up?

You got to go?

No.

All right.

Let me try this one.

This is a KFC and Guam, too.

Hello?

Can you speak up a little bit?

It sounds like you have the phone on your cleavage.

Ma'am?

Is there chicken stuff on the phone?

huh what can you speak louder because i cannot hear you well can you speak louder because i

can't hear you is that what it is and it's in the fryer sounds like you're like a retarded like

is that what you do break please i would absolutely love to speak to your manager

you don't threaten me you know you don't don't get away with it put you on the line

no woman is this manager hello is this a manager to speak that woman who was on the line was making

comments about bananas about what is she made a comment about a banana and i don't know if she

she was speaking about my manhood, or that perhaps maybe she thinks I'm some kind of

monkey.

Do you mind explaining that a little bit to me while you're staffed?

Huh?

How can I help you, sir?

I'm African-American, and I don't take it.

I called a woman, and she said, dude, do you want bananas?

What's that one I'm getting?

Struggle, man, if you're such a man.

Excuse me?

Why don't you hang up the fix to buy yourself a decent phone?

What's wrong?

Are your sales low that you can't afford a good phone?

Sir, how can I help you?

You're insulting me now.

What can I do for you?

Well, I think you have low sales because your phone is no good.

Okay.

That woman made a comment about me eating bananas, and all I want to eat is bananas.

I don't know what you're talking about, but how can I help you?

I want you to reprimand her on the phone right now.

I want me to hear you tell her that she's a bad employee.

Sir, she doesn't understand very good English.

Why are you employing people with no papers?

Sir, how can I help you?

I want you to go get her papers right now and read them to me, please.

Pardon me?

Sir, you're this close to being under a citizen's arrest.

Sir.

call me back because we have a bad connection. I can't hear you.

No, sir, it's your phone. Your phone is inferior technology.

Okay, so how can I help you?

Well, you have a bad...

I want you to get that woman in front of you,

ask her why she made a racist comment to me about bananas.

Hold on.

She didn't understand what you were saying.

She thought you ordered bananas or something.

Okay, I want you to write her up right now.

Sir, how can I help you?

I want you to write her...

Sir, we'll take care of the problem.

How can I help you?

You're asking me the same question,

and I'm telling you you can help me by writing her up right now on the phone.

Okay, I'll take care of that.

No, write her up.

Tell me, you tell me, I, say after me, I will, say it, sir.

Take care of her, how can I help you, what did you call for?

Oh, I called to see if you have a banana cream pie, uh, pastry there.

A banana cream pie?

Bananas, sir, sir.

I said, banana cream pie.

Oh, sir, just because I'm African American does not mean I eat bananas, and fried chicken, and watermelon.

You're disgusting, sir.

Yes, sir?

You're bringing us back, like, taking us back like 50 decades, man.

Sir, can you call back?

We have a bad connection, and I can't hear you.

I refuse to call back, and if you hang up on me, I'm going to write you up.

Sir, I can't hear you.

Sir, I'm writing you up right now.

I don't understand you.

Ryan, do you have the papers over there?

My associate, Ryan, is going to write you up right now, as a matter of fact.

He's writing you up.

Sir, what is your first name?

How can I help you, sir?

You will give me your first name.

Sir, what can I do for you?

You will give me your first name.

Sir, we're going round and round here.

Get on, get on.

What can I do for you?

You can give me your first name.

Give us your name.

My name is Jerry.

You got that?

Okay, I got that.

Okay.

What is your last name?

What is your last name, sir?

Hello?

What?

It's a call.

It's one.

Two, listen.

Columbus Escorts in Columbus, Ohio.

Columbus Escorts.

That's a...

Here, let me give you a number to put in the caller ID.

Are you using the spoof?

Uh, yeah.

Okay, Shalee.

You have a...

Three-day weekend.

You're going to be going to...

Yeah, okay, okay, okay.

Just give it out over the air.

Yeah, because there's one kink goes on the call and have all these hookers going.

Some degenerate guy...

Hookers go into Kinko's?

What?

There's hookers that go into Kinko's?

There was this degenerate guy that was in...

He was doing some porno website, and he was all, like...

He was all, like, fucking half shit.

It was, like, 3 or 4 a.m.

I was busy doing that demo I was taking down there.

So I had to go down there and pay up.

As though they were making, like, porno shit.

He's magazine him with them?

No, he had, like...

He had some, like, shitty site or something.

I couldn't even figure out what the fuck he was doing.

Yeah, he had some shady shit going on, motherfucker.

He had, like, pictures of...

He kind of, like, died, because I looked over his shoulder.

All these pictures are like

It'd be some kind of

Art shit maybe

Low grade

Great Nash

You'd find this

God damn shit

Google is like

A much better search engine

Than like anything

Oh yeah

I mean it's like

You can misspell something

And it'll tell you

What you meant

I know

It's like all these other stuff

Like you can't even use

Yahoo's fucking

Yeah dude

Google I can

You can't even look on the site

Like I'm just gonna have to

Look it up manually

Google I can

I can just type in a search term

Like a

I don't know what

The percent is of

You know five

You know five to twenty eight bucks

I'll just type it in

And click search

It'll give me the answer

Or like immediately

Yeah

How about that

Here we go

Or let me

I'm gonna

I'm gonna give you the number

To put in on the ID

Okay

What else

Like yeah

You know who's

I think it's

Who the hell was it

Like some

Nunu was

I don't know who it is

Cause like I was in the chat room

And he posted my number one time

Nah

I can't remember who it was

But anyway

I wasn't even a

He tried to

Like dude you're

Fucking

You dumbass

They're sitting around

Pranking

He's like hey buddy

Make this one guy

They sound like

A bunch of little kids

I don't know who it was

Plus some stupid kids or something like that.

It's always dumb pranks, though.

Nobody ever does a good prank.

Like, it's always something.

Is that the number you sent me?

Yeah, that's the one.

All right, cool.

This is going to block.

All right, cool.

All right, so let me call Columbus Escort.

You're going to take this one.

You're taking this one?

Yeah, I'll try.

Yeah, because I know the area.

Has been disconnected.

Yeah, it's an old number.

All right, I'm going to pitch you this.

Hold on a second.

Let me just fucking find you one.

Yeah, find that shit.

Fucking Escort.

Let me see what else I got in Columbus.

Nebraska.

Oh, here we go.

Pussycat Lounge also.

Bunnies escorts in Columbus.

Oh, this is horrible.

What was the other one?

Beach bunnies.

Oh, we got to contact these motherfuckers.

There's a place called Wedgies on Channing Way Boulevard in Columbus.

What's that?

I don't know.

The Pussycat Lounge.

That's in Georgia.

Dick Pinas in Columbus.

Call fucking, here we go.

Try to find some fucking.

I want to find, there's like tranny, tranny prostitutes.

Tranny prostitutes?

Tranny hookers.

Ew.

Of course.

Columbus, because that's going to be funny if they show up.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like, that's funny.

BBW escorts Connecticut

Ohio escorts Columbus

There we go

Oh nice

There we go

See here

Escorts at Ohio

Alright

Escort Northeast Ohio

WSF

These are the shittiest

Like the old sites

That were like

Real like your city shit

Yeah

See here

All the hookers are

Fuck

Here we go

Okay

This is a

I mean

You know what

Fucking

I'm tired of this

Escort

Escort in

I mean it's like

Can nobody fucking hear me?

Okay, here we go.

The gentleman's fulfillment service.

That's what I'm looking for.

I need to get fulfilled, man.

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

All right, here's the comment.

Fuck yeah.

Huge ripple.

Oh, no.

Triple A spankies.

Executive alcohol.

Three is never a problem.

Yeah.

Let's see what it has about here.

Ready?

Yeah, we can do this.

It's in front of me.

I don't care if it goes out.

Like I said, no one's listening.

Nobody?

There's three viewers now, but no big deal.

Hey, everybody watching on Justin.TV.

And yeah we got some people

Saigon's actually

Checking out

Fucking um

Fucking yeah

I put a bulletin

On my MySpace

There might be some people

Listening

Alright that's cool

Idea

Yeah

This is a slow night

There's a ton of people

In Syndicate

I'm gonna

What's that?

Like uh

Dina like Syndicate Radio

They called me earlier

Like hey you should go on

From 8 to 10

I was like yeah

Well I was

I just started um

Reinstalling XP

On my computer

And I didn't get done

Until like 11

Ah

Yeah

But uh

I got nothing

I mean I gotta get up

Early tomorrow

But I'm not tired

and I just feel like

pranking, man.

Yeah, me too.

Let's fucking call it.

Yeah, the one I just sent.

Okay.

It's all right.

That's kind of

fucking shady.

Three's never a crowd.

That's kind of,

yeah, I'd say so.

Yeah.

Hey, baby,

three's never a crowd.

Let's make it four.

Yeah, let's make it four.

What's four?

Oh, what's that?

What's his face?

Rodney Dangerfield?

Yeah.

Oh, no,

something like that.

Cool.

All right, hang on, bro.

All right.

Hang on, boss.

I want somebody

to accompany me right now.

I'm down.

I got to do some work a little bit, but I want to see what's going on right now

I'm callers over west of right off the Shrocks

I want to see if somebody come down there, you know, and then we'll go I just like to meet in a public place

I got I got a little bit of work to do. Anyway, I'd rather not be

Okay, they couldn't I'm just gonna call me okay, so what do you have to choose from

Do you have any kind of preference? What are you looking for?

I think tonight I like, I'm a big fan of the ebony lady.

I want to see, do you have anybody that's real like, what's that?

Sorry, go ahead.

I was going to say somebody very aggressive, somebody very dominant,

like an ebony lady or close to it, whatever you've got, if you can follow those lines.

Well, we can have someone dominant, but unfortunately we don't have any black women tonight.

Oh, think about it for a second.

Okay, do you have anybody, because do you, I'm just trying to figure out if you guys have,

you know, what I'm looking for.

Basically I'm looking for,

how kinky do your employees get?

Would you say?

Yeah, I'll just, I'll lay it out for you.

I'll pick what I'm looking on,

because I'm very satisfied with my wife

and she's not into that kinky stuff, you know?

So I figure, you know, life's short, you gotta try.

So anyway, I wanna see if they have like,

you know, if they can bring a strap on.

Yeah, yeah.

To dress up for whatever I have to pay, you know?

It's worth it.

Well, yeah, I don't think,

I mean, you can do something on your top if you'd like,

but I don't think they can.

I can't. Is that against health codes?

Or what will they do? What's the most risque thing I can get?

I'm going to talk too much over the phone.

Okay, that's fine. Well, what about the...

If you are just one girl, it's $180, or you can have two for $280.

Two for $280? How long?

That's up to an hour.

Up to an hour? Fee?

What do you mean, if you're not going to study?

Like, if you don't like what you see, like the girls that come, or...

Yeah, yeah.

Of course, you don't have to pay anything. You just send them away.

Okay, well, I don't want to hurt their feelings. I guess it's a profession.

Can I have that hold for one second?

Yeah, we're jumping back.

So there?

Oh, yes.

Just saying, like, what's from the night?

I mean, you got any, like, specials, like women or whatever?

Right now, we have one girl.

We have four girls right now.

Uh-huh.

They're all very beautiful, you know.

I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for, honestly.

Well, just describe them, you know, and maybe I can go from there.

I mean, kind of what I like is what I asked for, but, you know, we'll see what else you got.

Well, we have two brunettes, two ponds. They're all 34, 34 bead or 36 bead.

Uh-huh.

You know, it's all very beautiful. Trust me, they're all good at what they do.

Okay, wonderful, wonderful. Okay, well, where are you allowed to meet them at?

Well, if you want to come to, it depends what you're looking for.

Oh, you've got a place over there.

Well, if you would come to us, then I would have whoever you want would go get the hotel room.

room and then you can go to a hotel or wherever you want them to come to you you know oh so you're

by a hotel so you're right by a hotel okay yeah there's gonna be no stings or anything no what

no stings yeah does that make you know i'm saying and i could be like you ever see that in cops

where the guy's hiding behind the door and you know what i mean abrasion i'm pretty sure you're

nothing like that then uh let me go get you where you guys located then on 161 and 71

Do you know where that is, up north?

Yeah, yeah, I'm right by there, actually.

So you're not too far.

Yeah, I'm right by there, actually.

Okay, so...

Well, then I have to go send my girl to the room, get a room, because they don't have one yet.

And then, so once you get up here, if you just want to, like, go, I don't know, go to that Giant Eagle or something there, then give us a call back.

Okay, go to Giant Eagle and stuff like that, okay.

Okay.

Alright, you go to the Knight's Inn over there or something?

If you, if, do we go to the Knight's Inn?

Yeah.

Or are we getting it at the Knight's Inn?

Yeah, are we going to the night's end?

We don't rent the night's end, but we can go there if you have a room there.

Oh, do you rent hotel rooms, too?

That's what I'm saying.

If you come to us, we're going to rent a hotel room.

But if you want them to come to you, they can go wherever.

Okay, so why don't we just pay extra for the hotel room?

Well, how it works with our, okay, if you want in-call,

then it's $200 for one girl or $300 for two girls.

Uh-huh.

Because we have to rent a room.

But if they come to you, it's only $180 for the one girl or two.

I'll give you, I'll give you a call when I'm down here.

Okay.

All right, thank you.

Say we're at Giant Eagle.

Yeah.

Listen, here's what we do, like, because I've got to make it funny because that was so boring.

Yeah, yeah, I got you.

So what I'll do is I'll say I'm in Giant Eagle.

You know what I'm saying?

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to your recording call.

And then, like, later on, I'll say, where's your goddamn girl?

They're fucking waiting for the poop.

Customer service.

Let the fuckers get brought down here to get my dick sucked.

Jesus.

All right.

All right, this is the Chevron I'm going to call in California, in San Francisco.

Okay.

All right, and I'll see if they're open.

It should be.

I'm thinking of places that are open, you know, like tonight, and that should be open.

So we'll try that.

You're talking to me like Walmart and shit.

Yeah, that's some dumb shit like that.

All right, give me a second here.

I'll try this one.

You're good, right?

You're staying, right?

We're good?

You let me know.

If you're tired, you've got to go back to work or something.

Let me know, man.

No, I'm actually working right now.

I'm just backing up my hard drives and shit.

Whoa

So I'm good

Alright

Good deal

There's a girl in syndicate

With big titties

And she's showing her nipples off man

Really

Yeah

How the fuck do you get on there

That's over at

Where's that

They already got someone broadcasting

But yeah

She was just showing off her tits

So it was nice

Pretty nice

Yeah

Yeah check that out

Great

They'll be shut down

In an hour

They'll be shut down probably soon

They're probably gonna get banned

Hopefully they don't man

Oh yeah

Yeah, she's gotten old.

She was on Stern last week, was it?

Yeah, I mean, she was horrible like a while ago.

She's fucking...

I saw her when she was four.

Right.

It was actually, you know, she looked...

Yeah, gotcha.

Call the Chevron.

Dog status right now.

Tell me you're there still.

Come on, man.

Bullshit, man.

Place a call.

Press 1.

I'm calling right back.

Enter your destination.

The phone number entered is invalid.

SyndicateRadio.tv.

The number you wish to call.

Oh, she's off now.

She'll come back on.

Give her a second.

Well, where do you look at?

I don't see shit.

You didn't get the camera?

There, she's back on now.

The phone number entered is invalid.

No, she's gone.

Please re-enter the number you wish to call.

She's gone.

She's up.

Please re-enter the number you wish to call.

Channels?

You're the Syndicate Radio website, right?

That's there.

It should come right up.

Click on I Agree that you're over 18 and it lets you right in.

It's on that private shit.

They put it all on.

Because the guy's girl's getting naked.

The guy who was on that hook knows he does naked shows.

It's really good.

Is it funny? He's a pretty entertaining guy. He's here. He's in Tampa, too. He's close to here. This guy's not going to answer.

All that fucking hooker play stuff.

Uh, the one we called before?

Yeah.

What was it? You sent it to me, right? Yeah.

Yeah, and then we'll say we're not going to get an eagle.

You're still fucking with me?

All right, now I'm going to spoof it as that number again, all right?

No, no, no.

No?

We've got to get a different one, because...

Oh, okay.

Because, like, that's a cake with a number.

Oh, it is? Okay, we don't want to know.

We've got to think of, like, oh, my God, let me pull out my phone.

yeah give me a number give me a name and a number we'll do that shit

holy shit i lost it oops you drop it razor yeah i can't wait my my plan goes up like

exactly in one month getting like a sucks man wait to get it actually got a person

before it even works because they got it set on private but then if you don't set it up

you can't have nakedity if you don't have a private room is it now it's maybe it's free

now that's that's hook nose it's cool i see it's in the side now just a second to go

Oh, she's calling you?

Let's start some piss-hook knows off.

Yeah, don't spam me with it.

Oh, damn, this broad's pretty fucking hot.

Which one, the...

There's the one with the blonde?

John Rica?

Yeah.

Maybe it's a dude.

No, no, that's a chick.

It's a chick that...

Then there's this other broad.

He's got, like, a view profile.

I'm gonna say this weird gothic...

He's got a...

Yeah, that's...

You know, girls drinking beer out of bottles is pretty trashy.

Good, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, this guy actually does...

He gets the ladies to do the...

You know what I mean?

Gets them to do things.

Hey, whatever you gotta do.

Yeah, whatever you got to do, man.

All right, let's continue.

Let's see what else I got going on here.

All right.

Let me go over here.

You got a number yet for me?

For the spoof?

Ah, shit.

I can just do a random number.

Let me look up one.

I wish I had someone like that, because I don't know what the fuck to see here.

Eagle, dog.

Night eagle.

There we go.

Let's get this.

There we go.

Fucking.

You got it?

Because then we'll have a reliable number that they can call.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, so they get a decent number that calls back.

Yeah.

I got something in my eye.

It sucks.

Here we go.

Yeah, this is what happens when we do our own fucking looking up numbers and shit.

Yeah, we just sit here kind of like, ooh.

All right, so here we go.

I got fucking official website.

Giant Eagles, actually.

What is it again?

What is it, like a grocery store?

It's just like a fucking, I don't even want you guys down there.

We got Publix, Winn-Dixie, and Walmart.

Oh, it's just like a grocery store.

I got you.

I've heard of Giant Eagles.

There's some in Pennsylvania, I think.

What the fuck?

Fuck that goddamn show.

Which one?

I'm not fucking hooking those.

They're playing that stupid-ass music.

You can't get in?

What?

You still can't get in?

Oh, no, I was in.

Oh, okay.

It's all right.

I mean, it's just that it's going on.

Yeah, he's got a different show.

He's not a prankster.

Oh, he's not?

What does he do?

Does he have bras to get naked?

Yeah, pretty much.

There's nothing wrong with that, but...

Yeah, that's fine.

I'd watch that.

I mean, bra was pretty hot.

They need more, though.

I want to see that fucking more of her.

I say that you're the man.

Is that the deal?

There it is.

Yeah, this'll be badass. Let's see how long we can continue this frickin' escort.

Let's say we keep, like, running them all in loops and shit, you know?

Let's say they'll beat us down there.

Who else did we call?

Four.

Holy shit, let me think about this for a second.

What?

Let's call, let's, I'm, like, trying to think of a way we can, like, catch the hooker when she comes in.

I'll giant say, yeah, there's a hooker.

This hooker, she's crazy, and she's in a dump.

This hooker.

You tell her I'll be right there.

Tell her if she comes in looking for me, tell her I'll be waiting for her, like, in the frozen section or something.

You know, tell her I'm going to be in the deli.

Buster, I got to think of something where, like, when she comes, like, as soon as we get off the phone with them,

They say they're sending somebody over there.

I guarantee they're...

There's this fucking shady-ass strip club.

It's like a fucking Wap that waffles.

It's all, like, ripe.

Let me try to call here.

Okay, well, I'll give it to you.

It just comes over and gets to...

Get a room.

Great, then.

Yeah, yeah.

I like it.

I thought they were gonna beat her to it.

That's...

I'm gonna go get a...

Call.

...destination number.

They're gonna be sitting there with their legs spread open.

...starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Really?

Giant eagle in the ghetto.

4-7?

Call.

It just depends.

We gotta find what's open here.

Um...

Everything's fucked.

be open tomorrow

4-7 stuff is open

like all the gas

stations and shit

like that

escorts and all

that that's all

let's call

alright this is

such a dump

if I be fine

I'm gonna call

there's this

fucking speed

do you guys have

speedway down there

speedway yeah

the gas station

yeah

yeah we got them

here

there's one over

on right by there

I'm not bitching

about that

fucking hot dogs

well they have

like real pretty

people

yeah

racetrack is

it's always nasty

scummy

shite

or locator

this site is

I need to find a racetrack.

I can't get my gas anywhere else.

I mean, I want a Speedway.

We got a racetrack down here, too, but they compete with each other.

It's like the southern knockoff version of Speedway's racetrack.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's just like that.

Oh, here we go.

You're insane, man.

Down in fucking Nashville, 40 cents cheap, crazy shit.

Yeah.

Tattoos.

Yeah, dude, she's a fucking freak, dude.

She's, like, really nice.

I love talking to boys, I was all that bullshit, bullshit, but I was like, as soon as I came

in, I'm like, you know, all that record pretty bullshit, I didn't know, I thought she was

bartending, but now she's fucking stripping by the airport, she was saying like she's

a bartender or a cocktail waitress or something, she used to be, and then she started stripping

a little bit, and then fucking, come to find out, she sent me a MySpace, talking to her

on there, and she said, you know, I hate to wear clothes, and I love to dance, so it

kind of works out, okay, she can make money while she does it, so fuck it, I like to

to bang your ass

and uh

that's the only time

I like to take my clothes off

but hey

yeah

work out for me

she's a

I usually don't like girls

that's the number

you sent me there

alright

I'm just gonna act

like an old man

worry about it man

it's cool

alright hang on

let me try to connect

that here

I'm just gonna spoof

a random number

nothing special

oh uh

spoof uh

I can spoof the Kinkos

what's that

I can spoof

as the Kinkos too

yeah

I think if somebody

falls I can bust her

you could do that

let's do another

Speedway

Speedway to Speedway

just want to paste

Speedway Webber

This is Doug.

How can I help you?

Yes, Speedway Weber.

This is Doug.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I went down there.

Listen, you guys, how often do you change them hot dogs on that roll?

Well, right now I haven't had a chance to do it this shift because I've been stuck in my box all night.

Okay, well, I came down here a few hours ago, got a couple dogs, and I'm going to have to ask for a favor.

Okay, you can come in tomorrow morning and talk to my manager.

You can come in tomorrow morning.

you can come in tomorrow morning and talk to my manager about that i can't wish you a refund

okay well i don't have any fresh hot dogs on there yet sir okay all righty okay well i'll wait

i'm gonna come down and wait i haven't even got my box yet sir i gotta go i got a line of people

here you can come and take a look if you want thank you bye-bye oh god oh god oh god what the

the fuck is this box um because you know they get their little bulletproof yeah they seal them in

that little thing where you now call the other way speedway george speaking hi this is doug i'm from

uh store 5235 over on weber okay okay we've had a real problem with you guys calling who the hell

showed up an idea and i know it's a speedway who the hell's been where it's not us over here i'm

the only one that works the third ship over here oh really how long you been there i've been here

in Alma for a year. No, I mean tonight. I've been here since 10, since 9 30. Okay, well, I got a

little bit of calls behind that, but I got one about happening. It was really screwed up. It was

a female's voice, too. I want to know who's the joke. Anyway, here's my numbers. Numbers sound

familiar to you? I don't know none of the Speedway's numbers. Well, I'll give it to you. You tell me if

this sounds familiar. 614-263-5286. I don't know it. Let me speak to your manager. My manager is

The picture is not here.

What?

The picture is not here.

Well, I mean, what are you doing there with all those customers just giving calls and

stuff and people?

Oh, no.

We're the same company.

I don't know why I was calling here.

We're the same company.

I don't know why I was calling here like that.

Okay, well, I'll leave my number.

You got a problem.

You talk to me, because I'm going to call back later on.

There's not a bunch of...

I'm not...

614-23...

It's still open.

Are there stores?

Stay down.

This one.

I mean, is this...

Are there a lot of them?

Oh, my God.

Let's do that.

We did like an hour or so.

So, that was fun.

We had a couple.

Eagle.

Sticking the other guy, Doug, at the other gas station is fucking around with him.

That's good.

All right, man.

Doggy.

Thanks, man.

Pull us up online.

We had some fun.

There were some good pranks.

What's that?

I'll pull some of these pranks up online.

They were pretty good.

Some of them were pretty good.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, bro.

All right.

Take it easy.

See you, man.

Talk to you later.

All right, everybody.

Thanks for who listened.

That is all.

Thank you.

House Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (13, 1 h 5 min of 1 h 45 min)

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