2008-06-19 Show

the fuck is this you are listening to the madhouse radio podcast good evening everybody what's up

what's going on people welcome to madhouse radio the king of thursday night has arrived once again

to save you all from whatever it is that you were doing probably no good but i think hey carlito

here behind the helm we're gonna have fun tonight making prank calls talking stuff doing stuff

saying things

all that stuff

if you want to join us

here tonight you can

we'll get to that

in a little moment

sound sexy

hello

yeah

Madhouse Radio

where we do stuff

alright so

if you guys want to

join us here tonight

you can of course

we're live on

the Madhouse

Extended Radio Network

98.6

the mouth

98.6

the mouth

what's up everybody

Everybody listen in on the mouth.

Of course, we are on our flagship station, syndicateradio.tv.

Where's the applause for that?

That thing's burning.

I smell burning something.

Anyway, if you want to reach us here tonight, you can reach me.

Is your line going up again?

No, not yet.

If you want to reach me here, the toll-free line is open.

That'll be 1-888-278-85.

Music's too loud.

Turn that music down, my friend.

There we go.

The toll-free line is open.

Hang on, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, baby.

Toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

You can reach us there, anywhere in the United States of America and Canada,

except for British Columbia.

Banned once again, British Columbia.

You did it.

Your fault, not mine.

What did he do to you?

We tried.

We tried to be friendly here with the whole NAFTA thing, but you know what?

Look where God is.

Those Canadians taking all our call center jobs and all that shiza.

If you want to reach me on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, you can do so.

Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger

We'll be taking your requests there

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Don't forget to do that

Send me a private instant message

A private special, private part

Super private message

We've got a lot of prank call requests already coming in

Lonesome Loser sent in a lot of numbers here

For us to call already early on

Lonesome Loser, what's up my man?

The fifth column of Madhouse Radio

And the quiet prince of prank call confirmation machine

Is Lonesome Loser, thank you sir

and if you're using MSN Messenger

madhouseatlive.com

is the way to message me on there

I'll be giving those out several times tonight

regardless at any time during the show

please visit madhouselive.com

that is the website

that is where you can check out our archives

prank calls, podcasts

and the video feeds

and all that

madhouseTV is up there

send your prank requests

etc, etc, etc

et cetera.

Hope you guys have been having a good week.

Of course, we are wrapping up the week here for you.

As I always like to call it,

the unofficial start of your weekend is Thursday night

here with Madhouse Radio.

No one better to be.

Survivor's not on the air right now.

What else is on Thursday nights usually?

Anything good on TV?

There's no more American Idol.

I don't want to watch that.

And I don't know, whatever.

Lost.

Is Lost off?

You know, damn.

You know, I've got like,

I think I've got like all the whole last season.

I've got it all in my DVR.

I've only watched the first two episodes of this last season.

And this doesn't have the juice for me anymore.

I'm going to catch up.

It's over, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'll catch up on it, but I don't know.

Catch up on the slow weekend or something.

Yeah.

I mean, I know that what's-his-face, the leader, the leader Jack,

I know he's one of the survivors, and that one lady who's the criminal,

she's like married to him and they have a kid or some shit.

I don't know.

It's just they need to hurry up and get to the point, man.

You know, that's a big cock tease, that show.

It's not fair.

There is no point.

I don't want any cocktease show.

It's a fragmental cocktease of here and that.

If it gave it all to you, it wouldn't be all fun.

Well, the truth of the story is Lost was supposed to be a mini-series.

A mini-series.

Whoa.

Lost was supposed to be a mini-series from what I understand.

And now it's ended up being on the air for like how long?

God, that came on the air originally like 2004, 2003.

Five years now.

Jesus.

Anyway, I understand there was some trouble today.

The show is still 2004.

They're still lost.

Yeah, they're still...

I know, they're still lost.

But it's only been like two months on the show and the progression of the show.

And they used to do flashbacks, and now they do flash-fords, I guess you would call it.

Flash fronts.

Flash-fords.

Yeah.

Wow.

Whatever it is.

You know, and like last season, I didn't watch at all.

The island is lost in time, basically.

It doesn't make any sense.

Are they dead?

Are they alive?

Are they here?

are they there

are they all angels

who knows man

yes

yes to all

yes to your answers

I just want fucking answers

is what I want

you know

the best thing to do

you know

the season before

the answer

is yes

my child

shit

there we go

gold star for us

oh we figured it out

oh yeah

alright

this week

well tomorrow

at midnight

will be my birthday

here my 29th

I figure what's

what life is there

left to live

If I'm 29, I might as well be 30.

I'm not young anymore.

I'm old, decrepit, diabetic, losing my eyesight, going to lose my leg here in a few years.

I already lost my feeling in my leg.

I don't know.

What are the other complications of diabetes?

I got them all.

I'm impotent.

I need Viagra.

Dude, it's just sad.

Let's not get into it.

I'm broke.

I'm drinking natural light.

Look at this.

The cheapest of the cheap, you know, right there, natural light.

That's what I have to drink these days now.

Yeah, I got Milwaukee's best ice tonight.

The Beast.

What's better, natural light or the Beast?

I think the Beast is better than natural light.

No, maybe not.

I don't know.

Saigon says if I lose weight, my diet gets more lit up.

Oh, yeah, it's got more alcohol per volume, I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

The best thing to do is get the ice, you know, the natural ice.

Isn't there a natural ice?

There's a cheap one that's an ice one.

I know that the ice ones always have the most alcohol in them.

Yeah, yeah, it's the same price.

When I was in college originally, you know, I used to buy the Bud Ice

because Bud Ice was the same price as Bud Light or regular Budweiser,

but it had more alcohol for volume, so you got more bang for the buck right there.

That's my suggestion right there.

If you're going to drink a Budweiser, if you get the ice one,

might as well get, you know, torn up quicker.

Isn't that the whole point of it?

Yeah.

Saigon's saying, if I lose weight, my diabetes will go away.

Man, well, that's true.

I'm on a diet, you know.

I was on the treadmill yesterday.

I'm trying to go on the treadmill.

My plan is, you know, do 30 minutes, get my heart rate up for 30 minutes at least a day.

I'm taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work at the building.

I'm bringing down my calorie intake to 2,500 calories a day.

I'm trying to stick to that.

And I'm sticking to my diabetes meds.

Actually, my sugar went so low today in the afternoon that it was really low.

I had to eat some candy, actually.

So I'm working on it, Saigon.

Dr. Saigon, thank you for your suggestions over there.

You smart guy.

You're Vietnamese, I'll tell you what.

Anyway, so, yeah, Gary the Retard spent two hours trying to get his mic working,

and it did not work the whole time.

That's pretty unfortunate, my friend.

I'm sorry.

But I got his phone number here.

We're going to give him a call here in a moment.

I'm never talking to him.

Never talk to him, rather.

We'll check that out.

Poor guy.

He only wants to be on the air.

He wants to entertain the people, just like we do.

We've got a lot of news stories.

I will be opening up.

See this bag right here?

These are my birthday gifts.

Am I broadcasting right now?

Stream from my house says it's...

I think we lost the syndicate feed again.

Jesus Christ, there's always something in it.

Let's try to reboot that.

Always something with these kids.

Milkman's supposed to be joining us here tonight, but he's not.

But I do have Tuck, and we got Brandon Vegas.

What's up, gentlemen?

How you doing tonight?

We had a good show on Saturday, too.

You know, we also do Saturday shows as well.

That's always fun.

Actually, I kind of like it a lot better these days.

I'm a little more relaxed on Saturdays, you know?

Not only that, on top of that whole thing.

With the Saturday thing, a lot of businesses are open.

We had a whole prank call session about steaks and getting steaks and buffet steak etiquette and whatnot.

There we go.

We should be back on Syndicate now.

What's up, ladies in Syndicate?

We're back, I think.

Let me know if we're back.

Please let me know if we're back.

Matter of fact, just tell me if I'm back on Syndicate, please.

I would appreciate it.

Just to run down here real quick, the numbers we have here already from Lonesome Loser,

we've got Sam's Alfalfa Farm, Rude Dog's Bar.

Some guy answered there saying, thank you for calling the world-famous Roo Dogs.

And Wilson said he's never even heard of them.

I've never heard of the Roo Dogs before.

Yeah, I don't know.

Never heard of them either.

We got Grumpy Gringo Mexican Restaurant.

All right, that's a little racist, but sure, we can do that.

Ocean Shores Liquor.

Nunu has sent in the information.

We got a conference.

Poison in your chicken.

We got a conference in session now.

The National Women's Studies Association.

What the fuck kind of name is that?

Explain that, women out there who are listening, all our lady listeners.

The National Women's Studies Association.

Yeah, oh, two of you.

I got your women's studies right here.

It's in my pants.

That's what women need.

That's all they're about.

They want the cock.

They want Carlitos cock.

That's all it is.

What else do you need?

No.

Fuck it.

Why no sound?

I don't know why no sound.

Let me try it again.

Did we lose?

Do we have no sound again?

Jeez.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Let's try that again.

Again, go live now.

I click on go live now, and now live is loading, and it says welcome to now live, and it does nothing.

Oh, boy.

Oh, God.

Let's try it again.

Open up Firefox.

Speaking of Firefox, Firefox 3.0 released on Wednesday, Tuesday, Tuesday at 1 p.m. Eastern.

For those of you who are Firefox fans and didn't know about it.

Touch it.

Do you use Firefox?

Touch it.

Is it good?

Does Firefox work for AOL?

Yeah, but I have it fixed to 3.

I saw the 3, but, oh, yeah, well, no, it works for AOL for Macintosh or, you know, whatever you have.

I don't know.

Yeah, well, check it out.

Firefox 3.0 is out, but be careful because apparently, and I got an email here that came in just this afternoon.

Good.

The email this afternoon reports there's already a, where was that at here?

Let's see.

I got a caller already.

Jesus.

The email reports that there's already an exploit that's been discovered in Firefox 3.0

for all the people say about Firefox being so safe.

That's why I don't grab the grabber right away.

I know.

Stick to IE.

I'm going to have to start using Safari.

House Radio, this is Carlito.

You are on the air machine.

What's up, Dino man?

Do we have audio syndicate?

What's the deal?

Nah, we're dead ass, dude.

You're reloading it.

Let me try it again.

Is there a NowLive issue or Carlito issue or what's going on?

I don't know, man.

To be honest with you, I know NowLive has been fucking up.

got out they fucked up a lot yesterday too remember that uh let's we have problems logging

in but once a person logs in like you did you should be fine yeah i don't know what's going on

see i log in i click on allow my video comes up it shows the video is broadcasting and i can see

like i have a monitor that i used here to see it i see myself no look at that yeah i'm refreshing

here too look at that i don't know man i'm gonna keep trying it you got any suggestions should i

clear my cache or does that help at all you close it all down and start from scratch close

Close it all down and start from scratch, okay?

Let's try that here.

How you been doing, man?

You been busy?

I've been all right, dude.

Yeah, man.

I just got a new job in the city, man.

Fucking peeing in the fucking ass.

In New York City, the big city?

Yeah, dude.

What other city is there?

It's a motherfucker.

So tell me, what kind of work do you do?

Like, I call you and it's like, this is Screaming Eagles Association.

Are you a caterer or something like that?

No, I'm a contractor, dude.

Someone told me you were a caterer or something like that.

No, I'm a contractor.

is that motherfuckers

don't know how to read.

Oh, God, really?

Yeah.

That's something.

So, like,

build, like,

construction and shit

like that,

or does everything?

Exactly.

I do everything.

Wow.

All right.

Well, I'm busy

trying to fix it, man.

I will keep you posted,

or you let me know

if it starts working

and send me a message

immediately.

I was going to tell you

regardless,

because I'm knocking

out anyway, man.

Gary the retard's

waiting on standby.

He's waiting to pick

up the phone,

and he wants to sing

happy birthday to you.

Tell you what,

I want to wait

to be able to get back

on syndicate

before i can do that you know i don't want i want the people there to hear him because they didn't

get to hear him at all today you know what i mean but i got his that's cool i got his number i will

call him as soon as it's feasible all right guys i'll talk to you later then okay cool man peace

out that's dino everybody big dino's on the uh well he's not on the phone anymore he was on the

phone all right everybody let me know if it's working please let me know if it's working i am

i've restarted everything people are saying that they hear me so good i'm a contractor too

Milkman is a contractor.

Wow.

What's up, Milkman?

I didn't see you came in.

Finally.

How you doing?

I'm on the road.

I'm ready to kick it, man.

Madhouse style, man.

I finally got my shit working, man.

That's good.

The only problem is you're loud as a beast.

You're calling from work, too, man.

I mean, you're a bad contractor.

Yeah, let me back it down.

How about that?

Is that any better?

Any better?

You're maybe like 20% down from what you're doing right now.

Try that.

that there you go much better now much better much better now much better much better all right

good all right cool good so how's work treating you and stuff man i'll tell you what things are

going good we got the rascal scooter development program here and we're on schedule for the 2009

release my brother good good deal good deal keep working on the rascal scooter working on making

that uh an extension of the body that no one will be able to live without and milkman a lot of

of people i will thank you you know when i'm when i'm legless man how styling baby yeah milkman i'm

uh one hour and 33 minutes away from my 29th birthday dude what are your suggestions you're

you're in your 40s you're in your 40s milkman you're in your 40s what's what's your what's

your suggestion about the the age 29 years ago yeah what are your suggestions about the age 49

I have to look forward to age 29.

Age 49?

29.

Yeah, 29.

Softening wood.

Great.

Well, they got pills for that.

They got Cialis.

Bunch of shit.

All right.

Well, again, I need confirmation.

That's what you got the Hermanita there for, man.

That's what she's around for, yeah.

So anyway, regardless, I need confirmation from Syndicate.

If I'm going to call Gary the retard, I need to make sure that you guys can hear him.

So please let me know if the audio is working there.

Please do.

do uh dtt yes i can confirm as well f5 is the refresh button um if you're using firefox

milkman did you try firefox 3 did you install it yet i i recommend it out to you remember that

i haven't had a chance but i definitely i definitely got that on my list of installs

for the day man my brother well be careful try it out be careful because there is there is a

report that there is already an exploit uh that was discovered earlier today so i just want to

warn everybody who might have jumped on a gun and they made a big deal is that there's a

of vulnerability bad boy yeah what you gonna do hi all right well milkman's having fun that's good

that's all we care about we're all having fun tonight regardless

oh fucking boy oh fucking whoop-dee-dee all right let's call um gary the retard this would be my

first call ever to the gentleman if it's legal to call him that just a moment we'll be back here

with uh with him favorite song ever he says he's calling in douche we got to talk about you calling

in man you're part of the problem that we're having calls from douche from british columbia

cost me so much money hello hello what's up my friend this is carlito we've never talked before

but i'm a big fan hey so what happened with your mic tonight man oh we had we were having trouble

Hey, Gary, can you speak up a little bit, man?

Oh, man, I'm sorry about that.

You got a virus?

Your computer has a retarded flu.

No, I think it does.

Yeah, you need to run an antivirus,

and you need to remove all your JPEGs off your computer.

Man, I don't know.

I think you have everything.

I don't think you only have a problem with your mic and your cam.

Damn, I think you're replying with your phone, too, my friend.

No, we're not.

I don't know.

Are you talking into the right end of the phone?

Yes.

Okay.

Which end are you talking into, the microphone piece or the earpiece?

The microphone.

Very good.

Gary, you just got a gold star, my friend.

You did, too.

All right.

Hey, Gary, it's my birthday, man, in like an hour and a half.

An hour and a half?

Yes, an hour and a half.

I'm going to be 29.

Well, it's 1030 over here on the East Coast.

It's 7.30 where you are.

It's 10.30 over here.

Yeah.

So tomorrow, my birthday is on Friday.

So officially, Friday starts in an hour and a half.

How old are you, Gary?

Yeah, Gary, how old are you?

56?

29?

29.

I was that old a long, long time ago.

Really?

Do you have any suggestions on what I should do?

You know, what I have to look forward to at age 29?

What did you do?

Do you do anything that, you know, big that happened when you were 29?

Or maybe, you know, ending your 20s?

Anything you can suggest that I should look out for?

Good thing.

and I'm going to be married next year.

Almost 11 months left.

What was that?

My girlfriend do for me?

Yeah.

Let's see, she pays my bills.

She goes down on me occasionally when I ask for it nicely.

She makes good pancakes,

but someone here hasn't made pancakes in quite a while.

Athena, she's over here next to me.

She's listening to you, Gary.

Say hi.

Her name's Athena.

Say hi to Athena real quick.

Who's this?

Athena, like the goddess of war or something.

Hi, Athena.

Hey, good, good.

All right, so, Gary, you know how to sing happy birthday?

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, Athena.

Yeah.

Am I going to get drunk, you say?

Yeah, I'm working on it now.

I'm drinking beers.

So I'm on my first one of the night.

Well, I had one when I got home.

I'm drinking really cheap beer.

Do you like, what do you drink?

Do you drink at all?

Are you allowed to drink?

Do you drink beers?

I drink Bud Light.

Bud Light?

Okay.

You ever drink a Bud Ice?

You ever like, you ever try Bud Ice?

It's good.

It's got more alcohol in it.

What, Zolar's birthday is tomorrow, too.

You know Zolar, right?

Yeah.

I believe Zolar's birthday was either today or, no, it's Saturday is Zolar's birthday, so.

Be sure to, you know, be sure to, um, you know, wish him a happy birthday tomorrow night on his show, too, my man.

Gary, you're going to have your stuff working by next week, I'm hoping, right?

Oh, was he? Man, I'm sorry to hear that.

That's Liz with you, right? Bob Liz with you, right? He's the guy that's always on camera with you over there?

Okay.

Opening up my show for, like, a good six months or something like that, I'll never give you appreciation.

Thanks for always warming up the crowd.

God, you're on 9 o'clock, or is it 9 or 8 o'clock you start on Thursdays?

5, 8 o'clock usually.

Oh, you start 5 your time.

Okay, I'm sorry.

That's right.

5 o'clock time.

Yeah, that's right.

So that's 8 o'clock.

So everyone, be sure to listen to Gary.

He's on every Thursday at 8 o'clock Eastern, and that's 5 o'clock in the Pacific Coast.

Yes, sir.

All right, man.

Hey, man, thanks for being on the show, my friend.

Do you want to talk to Bob for a minute?

Sure, put Bob on the phone.

Do you want to talk to me for a minute, Bob?

The Bob.

What's going on, my man?

Hey, Bob, how you doing?

Pretty good, buddy, pretty good, pretty good.

Not bad.

You're taking good care of Gary, right?

Taking good care of Gary?

Yeah, I try to.

So was it a mic problem or a computer problem, man?

It was more of a, no, a mic.

We had audio coming in and going out.

Okay.

So we could turn ourselves to the headset and stuff, you know,

but it just wasn't going to live wire.

I mean, it's now live.

Oh, okay, yeah.

Well, there's been a lot of problems with it, yeah.

That's what Geno said.

Yeah, it's been a little ganky lately.

Hopefully we get it fixed soon, you know?

Hopefully by Gary's next show, it'll be working just fine.

Yeah, if you know anybody who's going to call me during the week,

we're going to want to do it again.

Yeah, we're all going to work on it.

We'll straighten it out, Bob.

All right, hey, Bob, I've got to let you guys go.

Hey, thanks so much for being on the show, and don't be a stranger, all right?

Hey, you take care.

Give everybody a lot of love, okay?

All right, you too, brother man.

All right, have a good one.

That was Gary, the retard, and Bob.

Gary the retard and Bob the handler.

Saigon says it wasn't really him.

whatever

alright so yeah

that was that

Gary the Retard

wow you know

look at us moving up

we've had some great

interviews here

we had Nico

Sean Ward

Gary the Retard

who's next

I want to get a repeat

on the line

I saw that Zohar

interviewed him

the Touchstone Terrorist

and I actually got an email

from him recently

I guess he listened to the show

like two or three weeks ago

that was a really crappy

show we had

so I probably made

a bad impression

but I'll tell you what

the Touchstone Terrorist

man

great inspiration for me

I've worked

As I said before, I've worked customer service, you know, jobs, wow, since, like, 2000.

And this is 1999, so we're going on almost 10 years since I've been working, like, call center kind of jobs.

That's the guys that do, like, the willy and the customer service cannot help you.

Hell, yeah, the UPS calls and all that, man.

I'll tell you what, you know, when I was, like, I was, like, in my early 20s.

God, man, I'm so old.

I was, like, 21, 22 years old.

And I remember I would get, I would buy those CDs as soon as they would come out.

And I remember I bought the third one, I think it was.

And, I mean, I was, you know, I was in the middle of working a really stressful call center job and shit.

And, man, just hearing that kind of stuff just kind of made me happy.

You know, just to hear them mess with, you know, people, like, in the customer service, you know, realm of things is always interested me.

Okay, here we go.

We got a caller here.

Let's check out who this is.

This is the Madhouse Radio, and you are on the phone.

Oh, boy.

Hey, milkman, how you doing?

That was a big waste of time, wasn't it?

Oh, wow.

No?

I'm not lying.

I've got a number for you, man.

What do you got for me?

I've got a birthday number for you.

Ooh, who is it?

Watch here, man.

I'm in the chat, man, and I'm also going to send it to you here by G-Tall.

Oh, touch my Google.

I want to say what's up to everybody who is in the chat room.

A big what's up to all you guys out there.

We're going to be starting some prank calls here actually now.

Milkman, go ahead and send that in.

Let's get through some pranks, man.

That's what you people really come here for.

Let's get to her, baby.

You don't want to hear us talk.

So what did you get for your birthday prize?

Did you get a hominy?

It's right here.

Look, my birthday present.

I don't get to open it.

Athena says I can't open it until midnight.

It's right here next to me.

Oh, she's got a bow on it for you.

No, Athena's so lazy, she uses the bag.

Look at the wrapping.

Look at this.

She's laughing over there.

No, this is good.

This is good stuff.

You know, I don't believe, I don't wrap gifts.

I haven't wrapped a gift.

Like, if I don't have to, I don't do it.

I don't have to just stick all this shit in a bag and put some tissue paper in there

and you're good to go.

Know what I mean?

guest says to refresh host i'm not alive i'm not alive is that the deal can nobody hear me

let's check that out let me check god you know this is now live this is whack anyway all right

so uh what did you send me uh in the google what is this number that you sent man i need to refresh

right here he lives in northern california he uh he's a middle-aged guy he was a sheriff

at one time, worked for a therapy, he's also an animal control rights individual.

And what else does he do?

Now he's just a mechanic, a lowly mechanic, a wrench head.

A fucking mechanic.

And a big fat bastard.

There's nothing wrong with mechanics, man, they keep the world going, you know, we all

need mechanics.

That's right.

Don't hate on the mechanics, man.

He's a church pastor, oh, I thought you said a bastard, he's a church pastor.

Oh, wow, this guy here is one of these real freaks.

he's a church pastor and a mechanic yeah uh-huh church pastor and a mechanic wow does he have a

jesus fish and his name is tim okay cool yeah all right cool cool cool i will check that out

hey everybody i guess we're back on syndicate i mean they just uh tell me now is the volume

control back at least now and let me know keep me posted volume man volume control yeah good good

i'm being told everything is normal here finally it's working good deal okay well let's call this

This dude, Tim.

Tim is a mechanic and a former sheriff.

God, that guy's everywhere.

He does everything, doesn't he?

Jeebus.

He's well qualified for an asshat.

Jack of all trades, this guy, huh?

All right, I got some new music to play here today.

Thank you.

Anyway, okay, here we go with the first prank call of the night, everybody.

We'll be right back with the pastor mechanic.

Just a moment.

That doesn't answer.

You're in big trouble.

Gold Star.

Oh, no.

Gold Star.

You got blown up the tire.

Oh, you're going to crumple it.

He's not answering the phone.

Milkman, Milkman, you just.

He's out blowing on a tire.

You disappoint, Milkman.

You disappoint.

Zolar is in the house.

What's up, Zolar?

Zolar, please call the show now if you can.

Zolar, we need to.

We want to talk to you, my friend.

and give a call to the show, 888-278-8509.

Looking forward to talking to you and talking some business on the air.

In the meantime, we've got some more calls here we can do.

Let me look at the numbers here, a refresher from Lunch and Loser.

I really want to call that grumpy gringo here.

Let's see if Zola calls through. He might be working on it now.

I'm sure he's finding his phone right now as we speak.

Here we go.

What's up, brother?

This is I. How are you?

Doing good, man. So your birthday's on Saturday?

Uh, is it Saturday the 21st?

Yeah, Saturday. You don't even know when your birthday is.

Yeah, it doesn't matter at this point in life, really.

But thank you for being considerate.

I used my birthday, you know, on Friday.

Your birthday's on Saturday. I just wanted to wish you a happy one.

Isn't that a coink you did?

We started our show at the same time,

around a week apart, and your birthday's

about a week apart, or a couple of days instead.

Isn't that something?

I know, and we shared two women.

Actually, as a matter of fact, not many people know about that.

Coinkydink, amazing Coinkydink.

So, hey, tell me about KDK last night.

What an asshole, huh?

What was that about?

Oh, you know what?

In retrospect, I could see how he thought the conversation was, like, condescending

because I was like, you know, hey, remember how you did this for nothing?

You know, it was kind of like really putting him down and making him feel like this.

Well, Psycho was making a good point.

He kept calling it the heinous act that he did.

Yeah, I think that's when he started, like, gritting his teeth on the air.

I was having a laugh with him.

He was like, heinous act.

It was unintentional because, I mean, you can only look at it as a heinous act.

Yeah, and Athena was here listening to me.

He was getting upset, like, it wasn't a heinous act.

And we're like, dude, you fucked a man that cut off his penis.

What do you fucking think?

You know, in a nasty cat-infected house that this thing is squatting in, what the hell?

Of course it's a heinous act.

And then thought he was washing himself in a decrepit, run-down tub that probably had rusty water and hadn't been...

He started P.O.'s washing himself with.

That was a scary...

No one does that.

Oh, my God.

And it was probably at his age going into depression at all times.

It was incredibly heinous.

So he's got a...

You've seen him in person a few times.

He's got that lazy eye problem, right?

Yeah, yeah.

He's a scary, scary individual and does not photograph well.

Yeah, and then I also want to make a point of the fact that he kept saying that he's not sensitive, was it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's not sensitive.

and he's cried on the air so many times about how people treat him and this and that

and how I treat him.

He's cried about me, like, Carlito, Carlito, I just want him to be nice to me.

Yeah, okay, he's not sensitive at all.

I mean, I could have run him completely under the bridge and shit and kept going,

what do you mean you're not sensitive?

I mean, I could have went on and on with his inconsistencies,

but I really didn't want to give him so much time on my show

when he's got literally less than 25 people listening to him.

No, literally.

I mean, he used to be in like 100 at least, and when we dropped him on his ass,

we were carrying that damn station of his for all that shit that he gave us all the time, you know.

We were the ones that were bringing in the numbers, bringing in the talent,

bringing in the pranks, bringing in the good stuff, you know.

Yeah, sure enough, look at him now.

Look at him now.

Ha, ha, ha.

At first, I was actually going to bait him.

Before I went into the whole spiel about what he did with Siobhan, I was going to bait him.

I was like, yeah, you're doing your show over there, and, you know,

know, maybe we could find a time slot to see if he would say, oh, well, yeah, no, that's

not happening, KBK, I'm really going to dump him hard, but fall for it.

He's gotten wise, but he needs people like us, you know, it's a good thing he didn't

give him too much ammo, because he just would have fed off of that and made a big deal and

all the whatnot and so forth, you know, he just, he needs us.

Yeah, but it reminds people, it reminds them what they're missing when they didn't follow

us, you know, because, you know, he had his, he had his hen pecked, but it was, it was

It's very, very sporadic, you know, a couple of people.

Twelve people does not make an audience.

I hear you.

Okay.

Hey, here's the deal.

Also, I don't know if I caught you at a bad time, and I'll put you on the spot here,

but you're a conference-calling master,

and we've got the National Women's Studies Association Conference being held now in Cincinnati,

and there's 872 rooms already, and apparently there's a lot of women.

And if Nunu will send me the information or details of someone who's there right now,

you up for doing a prank, or do you want to just wait until tomorrow to do your pranks?

Well, no, I mean, I'll help do all the setup like we did with What's-His-Name and stuff like that.

We'll try to get some room numbers and some stuff and everything like that.

I'll make the conference call while I'm here.

Valente, Jack Valente, the legend.

Rest his soul.

Rest his poor, dumb soul, that guy.

I wonder how much all that wine and flowers and strawberries cost him, man.

Yeah, I hope he enjoyed his strawberries.

He could do the last strawberries he ever had.

We did that to his rights activist also, and then we got her cell number,

and her husband got on to tell us how he thought it was in bad taste.

It was quite the enlightening moment for us.

Yeah, I remember I called him a few weeks after that, and we were just pranking him,

and he was like, yeah, I enjoyed the one you people sent me.

It was on me or something.

He was really creepy.

Yeah, man, yeah, man, yeah, man.

Do you have any plans for Saturday?

I'll just send out my AOL instant messenger if you want to send a number over this way,

and I'll make the...

Cool, that'll help me.

That brings me off the horn.

Let me send you that.

I'm still waiting for a conference.

None of the names are confirming, so just ask for random rooms to see if they put you through.

I don't know if that's going to work, man.

All right.

Well, we'll see you during the show.

Melrose Larry Green contacted me after I contacted him, of course,

and he said he'd be going for him in a long time.

They didn't mention him recently.

I think this week I heard him being mentioned.

Didn't he?

Yeah, I heard him live like about three weeks ago.

He called in, you know, a couple of times during the series, you know, that they've been on.

But Florence called in live.

Didn't he get off the show for a while or something?

Didn't he do something to piss people off?

Yeah, yeah, well, you know, he was on the outs for a little while there.

And then, of course, he snaked his way back in.

But, you know, a little while actually happens like two years and they wouldn't even mention his name.

Right, yeah, I know, yeah.

I remember they said he was on a blacklist for, I think he had mentioned something in public or,

well, I don't know, he did something that really pissed the guys off.

I don't know.

All right, did you get the number there?

They punished him lovely for that.

Let me see.

June 19th through the 22nd, 2008,

it's the National Women's Study Association Conference.

...hotel in Cincinnati.

It's always best to start with one in the hundreds

because a lot of times they're one-floor hotels,

you know what I mean?

And I think we've always had luck with 128.

That's always been like, that's an inside joke

that always from 128 always works out for these conferences.

Okay, well, all right.

Let me see if we can just get to now.

Now, you want to turn me down while I dial?

Yeah.

Because I'm about to dial and everybody's here.

Yeah, you do that.

I'll play a little ditty here, and then you dial, and we'll get it figured out.

Thanks, man.

So I got to just ask for a 1024, if you can hear me.

I think he's dialing.

Silence.

The position.

Stop looking.

Listen.

I spit on your grave, then I grab my chomper.

Like the 100s and go up, because it was 128.

Could it be 1280?

You don't know her name?

On it.

Now it's supposed to be me?

Her name.

Yeah.

Not often.

Might be secular A. Jones.

Shane?

Ashley Dykes.

They gave me a full...

That's not...

Ashley Dykes, right?

So now when we...

Yeah, Ashley Dykes.

There we go.

Found out a name.

There we go.

Hopefully somebody else picks up the second time around.

Yeah, that's why we're going to wait another few seconds or whatever,

and then we'll call right back over.

How about I call...

You stand in line.

I'll call Sam's Alfalfa Farm,

and then when I'm done with that,

then we'll call the hotel back, deal?

Awesome.

So remember the name.

It's Ashley Dykes who's residing at that hotel.

We don't remember her room number,

but after that we'll start getting information from her unless you want to immediately say

to ashley dykes hi that we're the concierge service and uh we're sending you up through

strawberries the whole thing right over on there we go all right we'll do that okay all right hang

on uh don't go anywhere i'm gonna do that break you'll be on the line as well you can jump in if

you want sam's all felt before i'm just small folks awesome the phone just blanked out man what

the fuck there's all our what the fuck just happened we lost everything the phone like

Like, there's no screen on the phone?

Can you copy me?

I hear you.

Oh, I hear you.

Yeah, it's the phone that died.

Hey, I got some more names here.

Shit.

That's your G-Talk.

And I got a guy that can answer.

Okay, that's good.

I got to change the battery on the phone.

This thing operates on, like, a battery system here.

I got rechargeable batteries, and they don't last for shit.

Hang on.

The positive goes in there.

The negative goes in there.

Let's see if I can get this to work.

This sucks.

I can't do a show unless I have AA batteries now, apparently.

This damn 1980s Bell South fucking phone.

Bell South doesn't even do business anymore.

That sucks, man.

We're living with Zola.

All the conference names are rolling in now.

Are they really?

We're getting a lot of names?

Shitballs.

There we go.

I think this will work.

I got two dead batteries and two new batteries in there.

We'll see if that works.

We'll see if it holds.

And I'm going to throw these in the recharger here as soon as we get connected.

Let me get Zola back on the line first.

Zola, if you're listening, call back.

Zola, please call back now.

I should be able to maintain the line, I hope.

Yeah, there we go.

It looks strong.

All right, Zo, I'll call back now if you can.

I'm going to play this song while we wait for that.

I think we'll just call straight through to the conference, actually.

He says get a digital phone.

Fuck that.

Digital phones suck.

Hey, Zo, I'm sorry about that, man.

The battery died on the phone.

These things happen.

They do.

All right, hang on.

I'm going to do that call again.

Hopefully these batteries don't die on me.

Let's have the wrong number.

This is an awful warm, awful warm taste.

Patience to how it is.

Like, do you have bacon to them or anything?

Hell, I don't.

Oh, I'm coming.

That was the old number.

just say no you have an idea about the whole thing right no no i don't i just have the old

number oh hey sam how you doing sam let's cut that line and it's clear uh zola if you're still there

damn the names are rolling in here we got a we got a bunch of names here for the conference

i'm gonna send those to you here so we got other let's go ahead and call one of the other ones not

the uh not the dyke one you know what i mean because that one's already they're kind of on

guard on that one you know what i mean who's that so we uh who's talking shit so i'll get

Get in touch with, like, Amy Lynn.

Hola.

Giddens.

Paula Chitlins.

All right.

And we got Mary Margaret Fonau.

Fonau.

I think we'll end the talk and come on back in, and we'll be live.

A little bit of public enemy for anybody.

A little bit of public enemy for everybody.

You got to love public enemy, man.

Always a good choice, just like Sam Adams.

Hi, I have a message for Miss Giddings.

I'm supposed to leave with her answering service.

Is she a vignette?

G-I-D-D-I-N-G-S.

for those of you listening

be sure to listen to Zolar

Zolar is starting tomorrow evening at 9pm

Eastern Standard Time

exclusively on SyndicateRadio.tv

what is this music

it's like some movie music here man

I was just craving popcorn

oh I had some popcorn today

Actually I got

I got some left

Right over there

On top of the TV

Might grab that

Good idea

What the hell's going on

I wonder how much

They pay for like

Answering messages like this

There must be a flat fee though

They must buy it flat out

I should get one

For the Madhouse show

People call in

I don't know, Zola.

This sucks.

Yeah, why exactly would there be a problem with just transferring me to another number?

I don't get it.

...visiting Cincinnati for business or pleasure.

We have just the hotel for you.

We're attached by an enclosed climate control...

Wow.

Hello, sir.

Sir, I'm not sure on a G-I-D-D Giddings registered as of yet.

Would you like me to ring her?

You do.

May I speak with you?

The hotel staff are calling to make sure that your stay for the time being has been acceptable.

I understand you just checked in today?

Yes, uh-huh.

Has everything been up to your specifications as far as the cleanliness of the room?

Yes, uh-huh.

Okay.

I did want to report to you there's been an issue in your room with the toilet, actually.

Oh, there is?

Uh, yeah.

I haven't used it.

Wait.

Have you used it?

There's an issue with it?

Well, the problem is what we're asking all the residents to do, if possible,

if you are going to do, and I'm sorry for the harsh language, but a BM,

if it's a long one, maybe in two portions,

when you start it, when you feel like it's halfway, you cut it off,

and then go ahead and flush it, and then complete your movement after that.

And what we also ask is please do not put the toilet paper inside that toilet there in his room.

It has a tendency to flow over.

If it does, you know, we're not responsible for it.

It's actually responsible on the person who's staying in the room.

If you put toilet paper in?

Yeah, I would not recommend putting any toilet paper or any large bowel movements in the toilet, ma'am.

Okay, thank you.

And again, I just want to make sure that you understand if that toilet does flow over,

Yeah.

We're not, you know, we're going to send a staff over there with a wet-dry bag and a mop.

He's not allowed to touch the, you know, touch at all.

Hey, is there, are there hotel bathrooms other than the ones in the room that you can use?

Yes, but you're actually not authorized to use it.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

I mean, you can use the toilet in the lobby, but if you do have to go in the middle of the night,

I just want to reiterate, if you make a mess in that room, you will be the one who cleans the toilet.

You will clean the room, and any damage to the carpet will come out of your deposit.

Okay.

Now, I understand we don't have a credit card on file for you,

and I want you to understand I am a person of authority myself,

and I can kick you out of this hotel room in two seconds if you disagree.

Uh-huh.

What I also will tell you, if you could just do a quick flush in the toilet right now,

maybe just to clean out the pipes real quick.

Okay.

And I'm going to monitor here on my end on the water table.

Let me know what, well, is there someone else there with you right now?

Yeah, uh-huh.

Okay, could you tell them to flush it real quick?

You let me know when they flush it.

Okay, hang on.

All right.

Flush?

Yeah, it's flushing.

All right, hang on.

I'm going to check it here on my end.

All right.

That looks like a strong flush.

Okay, go ahead and flush it again, please, if you could.

One more time, Mira.

Flush it again.

It hasn't recovered yet.

Oh, no.

Okay, on the back of the toilet, there's a little valve.

Hurry up and close it because it's going to overflow.

It's not.

Is it going to overflow?

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God, hurry up.

It's not ever flowing.

Hurry, hurry.

Hurry?

It's not ever flowing.

It's going to...

No, it's...

Don't...

Yeah, flush it again.

Okay.

Flushing.

Flush?

I think there's something blocked in there.

Did you...

You guys are sure you didn't use the toilet at all?

No.

You didn't put any paper in there?

No.

Did you put any...

No.

Tell...

This is weird.

This is Valentino.

And this phone call is also being remanaged here.

My name is Mr. Zola.

The czar comes out that, ma'am, if we don't do them, then we become responsible.

Yeah.

Once, in fact, we have, in fact, everybody's, you know, all running your menstrual cycle at the same time,

the tampons get in our higher line.

Yeah, according to this, it looks like there might be, did you folks perhaps flush down a feminine napkin or anything like that?

Well, there's a blockage between your rule and...

There's a blockage.

Okay, you can see that there's a blockage.

Yeah, we have a near-perfect system.

We spare no expense here at the Millennium.

You know, I mean, it's either, it's registered as a feminine napkin or half of a turkey sub from Subway.

Okay, hang on.

Okay.

Sure.

There's nothing...

Can we try one more flush and try to clear it out?

I mean...

Hi there.

Who is this?

Is this...

This is hotel security, and you're speaking with the concierge, Carlito.

My name is Mr. Zolar.

Mr. Zolar is watching security here, and he is watching the water that there is next.

Ma'am, ma'am, I didn't mean to...

Hell, is this like how you get your thrills?

Yeah, well, actually...

I have satisfied you.

You have relations with the other dogs...

Room number.

Is she still online, Zolar?

We forgot to give the room number.

That was really funny, though.

She needs to start flushing the toilet.

I'll gullible those women.

Well, evidently, you don't need the room number.

You need it as the last name.

Yeah, yeah, apparently, that's good enough.

Yeah, well, we can't send her anything, but that was still funny.

Jill says she heard me laughing.

That's right, she did.

I hate to get racial, but sometimes you've got to end the joke, you know?

Yeah, sometimes you've got to put a cap on it, though.

She was pretty game.

She was about to tell her about her whole menstrual cycle, man.

What's that about?

I told her we were sending a doctor to China for her.

You did it for her.

Oh, yeah, the flushing the toilet four times and a half a turkey stuff didn't do it for her, but, yeah.

Ma'am, can you please wipe your ass and ball up some toilet paper and throw it down the toilet?

Let's see what kind of effect that has.

Let's see, please.

We've got to clear this out, please.

Oh, man.

That was a great concept on your part.

You're a master.

I love it.

Yeah, hell yeah, man, hell yeah.

Hey, Zohar, you want to do one more?

Yeah, sure.

I'll call over to the hotel, and we'll see if we can get in touch.

Well, what name did we just try?

Giddings didn't work, so we'll try Mr. in L-I-N-D.

You want to start off this one, and I'll jump in, vice versa, as we did with the last one?

No, I can set you up.

You're good, man.

I'm misting myself right now.

I've got a mister that I bought.

Great job.

I like a mister.

All right, so hold on now.

Play the music for the people.

We've got it, my friend.

My Adidas by Run DMC, everybody.

One moment.

Next prank call's coming up.

Here we go, Carlito.

Did you ask for it already?

Did it say L-I-N-D?

Sean, I ain't wretched.

L-I-N-D.

I'm not Sean.

I'm wretched.

Y-N-D.

I say just mess with the lady and let's drop it.

They're going to be out to us pretty soon anyway.

Waiting on some more names here.

The news is accusing them of reaching their credit card limit on porn.

Hello, sir.

I'm going to show it to Amy Lynn.

The only L I have is Amy Levin, L-E-V-I-N.

Levin, right.

I had Lynn, but there's another one.

Amy Levin.

Thank you.

Can you please...

This is hotel staff.

My name is Valente.

I'm on the line with Mr. Jolarski.

We were just calling to first of all check to make sure that your stay has been okay.

I hate to bother you at this time of hour.

I understand you just checked in today.

I

I didn't check in today.

Oh, did you check in previously than that? I'm sorry if we have our records wrong here.

Have you found anything?

Your records are wrong. I checked in Tuesday.

Well, our records are near perfect, but we do make mistakes, Ms. Lynn, and that's why I'm calling.

We do make mistakes from time to time. We're near perfect.

But I did want to verify that your stay has been okay so far.

No problem with the cleanliness or the wait staff or anything like that?

No, the only thing that's been a little bit of a problem is my key keeps failing, and then I have to get a new one.

Okay. Have you had that problem more than once?

Yes, twice.

Twice now.

All right, ma'am, hi, this is Mr. Zolarski, I'm also on the phone, and I happen to deal

with the, um, the, uh, the black that may be reacting to the, um, Indusium.

Did she drop?

Amy?

Don't worry, she's not having that at all.

Valentine Moghadam, let me send that to you, if you're interested here.

Oh, I'm totally having fun with you, but don't pull over like that.

No problem, that's okay, dude, we can have fun, no worries.

Uh, so play the music while I get the hotel back, we're gonna get, what is it, Valentine

Moghadam?

Moghadam.

I can't even say it.

Moghadam.

Valentine a la Akbar.

Milkman, go ahead.

Go ahead and dial that while we talk to Milkman.

Hey, you may need to go into the hotel and ask for them

because they're going to get used to Zolar's voice.

Yeah, good idea.

Zolar, can you hear me still?

Shit.

You got a point I'm going to have to ask for it.

What's that on water, my mister?

Oh, hi, man.

Director, call.

This fucked us up completely.

She doesn't say anything anymore.

Hello?

Yeah, Mug and her?

Yes.

No, not.

I had asked the front desk for something.

and they were going to ask housekeeping.

Where do you look at?

Well, it's toiletry, actually.

Yes, it's a feminine product.

Right, so you need to get a douche up there.

A container of feminine products.

A small box.

You have it?

Yes, exactly.

You say that on the phone and what's going on?

The Haitian janitor just got drunk and I want to apologize.

And he's about to get fired.

Hold on, we'll get the hotel back.

Yes, I wanted to apologize.

This is Valenta with hotel staff.

We just had a member of our staff here

who apparently might have made a harassing call to this room.

Yes.

Okay.

Do you have a name of who you may have spoken to?

Let me get her, okay?

Please do.

I'm very sorry about this.

It's a little man.

I'm here with hotel staff.

I understand that you just had a harassing phone call

from a member of our staff here who was inebriated.

Ah, yes.

Okay, did you happen to catch his name?

We have a feeling who it might have been.

We've had a complaint here, two complaints at this point.

And did he happen to mention his name,

or do you know exactly what the nature of this call was?

Was he overly harassive?

Oh, my God, he was so rude.

And I've got somebody else on the other.

Hello?

You can let them know that Valente is on the line.

You can tell him Mr. Valente is on the line.

I'm taking care of it.

We'll go ahead and go from there.

What is his name?

This is Mr. Valente.

Okay, yeah.

Ma'am, are you with me?

This is Valente.

Can you hear me?

Yeah, who are you?

Sorry.

I'm Mr. Valente.

I'm with hotel staff.

And I'm just calling.

I got a report of a harassing phone call you got from a member of our staff.

Yeah.

What?

Look out our door.

Did you hear him?

All right, shit.

I think at this point, we're blown.

And now we'd like to send in strawberries and blah, blah, blah for room service as them.

Yes, yes, that's right.

So have them firm, then.

Okay, well, we're sending up your complimentary such as firm your room, though.

Gotcha.

And then we'll call down, and we'll make believe with them, okay?

Damn it, yeah, I wanted to get through to that lady.

She was just about to buy.

All right, let me ask for the name this time.

You know, it's because that lady's going to be on to you.

You know what I mean?

All right, can you make the phone calls without me?

because I'd like to sit back and listen to you fucking master this one.

Yeah, I can do that.

All right, hang on.

Let me do that.

But now remember what you're doing.

You're calling back the original person,

and you're just going to make believe that you fucking had just fired somebody,

and we want to send them complimentary,

have them confirm their number down to room service as them.

Gotcha.

No problem, and I'll take care of it.

Keep listening.

You're the man, bro.

Hey, thank you, man.

That was good.

Good stuff, man.

All right, and you're on tomorrow night at 9 o'clock Eastern, 6 Pacific, right?

Yes, Zolar's on here.

You're married, aren't you?

I see Zolar said that.

All right, that was fun.

and we're having fun here, everybody.

This is Madhouse Radio.

That's funny, they're knocking on the door.

She's got like a...

The whole security thing is in the house.

That was the real security, Ossifer.

We got your tampons, man.

Look, lady, we got your feminine products.

Chill out, all right?

Oh, shit.

We're going to do that in a moment.

I'd like to thank everybody who's listening.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio.

This is Madhouse Radio Carlito birthday special.

I'll be turning 29 years old in the eyes of the law in 38 minutes.

Looking forward to that.

If you want to reach us here tonight, you can do so, of course.

You can reach me at 1-888-278-8509.

And, of course, the Yahoo and AOL Instant Messengers are activated.

Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

and if you're using MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com.

I'd like to give a big what's up to everybody in the chat room over at the Syndicate side

as well as over at the Madhouse side.

I see Kokanee, news director for Madhouse Radio, is here.

MST3 Clay in the house.

DC Loke Douche is in the house.

Eep Eep, haven't seen him in a while.

What's up, man?

DC Loke Baz is in the house.

Of course, Tux on the line here with Milkman and Brandon Vegas,

I'm assuming, is around here too, probably still.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No new Lonesome Losers ending in numbers.

A lot of stuff going on.

in syndicate big outlaw uh we talked to dino earlier of course uh uh big corrupt who purchased

one of the madhouse cities in the house uh kurt uh machine is in the house major chaos himself

the legend crank master you know what i feel like playing uh for those of you who don't know

exactly who major chaos is you never heard of him before or heard what he does or what he does

uh milkman you know about the uh major chaos right you remember this guy he's he's a freaking he's

He's a freaking...

Yeah, man.

The freaking...

The blue wrap.

Yeah, man.

The camper lander.

The freaking legends.

You got to play that classic call tonight, man.

Oh, yes.

The Prankmaster Gangbang.

The Prankmaster Gangbang call, man.

The celebration.

Yeah, for all those that...

That's right.

All of you that haven't heard that, man, you ought to stay tuned because that is a real

treasure treat for all you that are wanting a nice laugh on the madhouse.

Sam, I swear on my life, my mother's life, my grandmother's life, everybody that I know

that I never fondled, molested, looked at naked, exposed myself to,

or did anything inappropriate with an underage child.

I didn't get to do anything.

I haven't put a shoulder on him.

You know why I believe that something happened?

The fact that, well, number one, that your mom says it.

I don't put a whole lot of weight in that because I know your mom is a big, crazy drunk.

But the fact that you disappeared for a couple days,

and the fact that when Zola and I were over there

and we were about to talk about what you got arrested for,

you took us off the air because you knew exactly what we were going to say.

No, I didn't cut you off.

Yes, you cut us off the air.

No, no.

There's no denying.

I saw you cut us off the air.

You killed the three of us.

No, I didn't think this connected itself.

You're making shit up.

No, I'm not.

You're making shit up.

You took us off the air because you knew we were going to say what you were arrested for.

No, I didn't.

No, I cut you off the air.

If it were me and I were innocent, I would be like, okay, what are they going to say I was arrested for?

I would be curious about it.

I wouldn't take it off the air.

But you knew what we were going to say

Because you knew what you were arrested for

And you're ashamed of what you did

It doesn't matter what you did

I think you need to find a new place to hang out

Because nobody believes you

I don't even believe you

That's just a taste of what that is

It's a KDK thing

I don't want KDK to go off accusing me

You're capping me

I made you

Whatever

What were we doing again?

You are giving him a lot of exposure tonight.

You got to admit.

Yeah, that's enough.

Who?

Kitty, who?

The following is an exclusive.

We'll be right back with the next prank call tonight.

I'm going to call the pasta fool here before we call the hotel back.

Let's give them a little time to relax.

So just a moment.

Pasta fool coming up in a moment.

Recover.

Hello?

Hello, is Dingle resident?

Is this Dick Dingle?

Yeah.

What do you want?

I have a question for you.

What is your favorite potato chip?

What is this call about?

Why are you calling me this late at night?

We have created a new product called Dingle Chips, and it's a combination of...

Well, you got a speech impediment, boy?

Can you act like you just molested a nine-year-old, you fucking child-molesting fucking idiot?

You just got fucking owned, you fat bitch!

Why don't you take your fucking hearing aids out?

Oh, speechless, huh?

Go, go, go, go, go.

Hello.

Yeah.

Yeah, what's up?

What happened?

It was some asshole.

All right, well, we don't want to deal with assholes, I suppose.

That would suck.

What else we got?

I can call you.

No, I think it was somebody from the chat room.

It was obviously somebody who was listening to TTO.

Bill Quinn, who's this from?

This right here says Parker.

Parker.

Is this the pasta place?

Yes, it is.

Hey, do you guys have any wheat pasta?

Still, like, I could substitute.

We do carry gluten-free pasta.

Is that what you mean?

Oh, God, you know, I call all the time every week and ask about gluten.

Nobody has any idea what I'm talking about.

If I eat gluten, my sugar rises, my salt falls, and I collapse on the floor,

and I have a twitch.

I'm like, do-do-do-do-do-do.

You ever hear of some?

We have gluten-free pasta.

We also have whole wheat pasta.

Okay, what do you recommend better for this problem that I got?

What's your problem?

Well, if I eat too much of the carbs, you know, I go, you know, if you can't eat carbs, then I would, I don't know if that's, I don't know, I'm not a doctor.

But wheat pasta doesn't have carbs, it has wheat.

The whole wheat pasta?

Yeah, it's carb-free.

Whole wheat pasta, well, it's wheat, so there are, it's all carbs, but your gluten, I don't know, I'm just telling you what we have.

Well, listen, hey, listen, I got a pamphlet right here.

It says, carb-friendly wheat pasta, gluten-free.

Okay.

Well, I just, see, here's the thing.

I got the gluten-free, I got the wheat one here, both next to me.

My wife went in and picked it up earlier.

I'm just trying to make sure which is the one I'm supposed to eat.

She asked for the one that wasn't going to make me, you know.

Oh, well, okay, so she did it, she did it, I'm very confused.

You've already ordered food here?

Yeah, I already got it.

Excuse me, I had to think.

Yeah, I already got it, but I'm trying to make sure.

She got the one that was safe for me, but we're not sure which one because they're not labeled, right?

Are they both the same package?

Same package, yeah. They're just different colored, kind of.

Oh, boy. Well, I don't know. It should have been marked.

I think it's this one here. Hang on. It's like the brown one, right?

Let me see it. Let me try it.

Uh-oh.

Hello.

I don't know what the fuck that was about.

Just wanted to make weird noises, I suppose.

Anyway.

Yeah, so I was like, you just wanted to eat.

Yeah, you're right, Dolar.

No, I was just hungry.

Just wanted to cheat on my diet.

That was good.

She didn't know what to think about that.

Yeah.

I'm not a doctor, you know.

I'm not a doctor.

Wait, is it Spock over there?

Yeah, who wants to call in?

Is it Big Outlaw or Kurt?

Who wants to call in?

Someone said they want to call in.

Call in, bro.

Yeah, I see.

Hey, call that number I sent you earlier, man.

Oh, you know who's in the chat room right now?

Em is in the chat room.

Oh god, she's got the most prettiest eyes. I used to see her when she was on stick cam in syndicate

Oh my god, I got the most beautiful eyes in the world sit there and listen lost for a day

This is Madhouse radio. Who's this?

Yo, what's up?

What's up, big outlaw? What's up, my man? How you doing?

Doing a great job.

Love it, live it, man.

Oh, yeah, how you been?

I got fractures when the bone sticks out, right?

Yeah, a fucking bone was like...

Can't see shit like that.

When I was 18, in my neighborhood, there was this kid.

He was on his bike.

He was riding his bike on the side of the road in our neighborhood.

And this guy was coming in his pickup truck.

And the kid fell over towards the road right at the same moment as the pickup truck was passing him.

And he hit him in the head with his bumper.

And he, oh, my God, it was the craziest thing.

Like, his skull was cracked.

And you could see his brain starting to, like, seep out.

That was horrible.

I freaked out.

Poor kid was crying so much.

It felt bad for him.

They had to helicopter him out of there and everything.

Helicopter line in the middle of the neighborhood and everything to get him out of there.

Poor kid.

He was okay, but, man, oh, God, it was just to see his brain, like, his brain was, like,

see, like, his abscess, or not his abscess, but, like, his gray matter was showing.

Oh, man.

Yeah, something that freaks me.

Yeah, so you called 911.

You were the hero of the day, huh?

No, I wasn't the hero of the day, but, like, fucking walked into a bunch of shit.

Yeah, and that ruins your day, too, huh?

But you had some big plans, and now you had to call 911.

Juan, sit around.

Good deal.

Hey, you got a number to call up?

Let's do a phone call.

Oh, yeah.

Let me kick someone up.

Let's see what we got here, brother.

We just did pasta full.

We got the Looney Tunes Bar in PA.

We've got Rude Dog's Bar.

That's in California.

And we got the Grumpy Gringle Mexican Restaurant in Colorado.

I also got a liquor store if you're interested.

Do a liquor store.

Okay, I've got the Green Acres Liquor Store in Washington or the Ocean Shores Liquor Store.

Do you have a preference or you don't care?

I don't care.

Okay, we're going to call Green Eggers Liquor Store, number 666.

And that's in Spokane Valley, Washington.

And Natalie answered there about an hour ago.

You ready for that?

Yes, do it.

Right on, Brother Matt.

Hang on a moment.

We're going to play some more of this Prankmaster Gangbang for everybody who was enjoying that.

One more big outline and a prank call.

Hello.

Yes, has this been some prank?

Hello.

Yes, I have a couple questions for you.

Do you like milk, sir?

No, do you like milk?

No, but I lip-ranked Master Lake's nine-year-old band girls, that fucking prick.

What the hell?

I don't believe that.

He just hung up again. Now he's calling back in.

Oh, baby.

Yeah, are you really trying to get me fucked up around here?

I don't know what the hell's going on with these numbers, man.

Milkman, who's sending that in?

That was Zolar. I can tell you right now, that was definitely...

That was Zolar?

Was that Zolar?

Yeah.

He's in the chat right now.

What was the airing of the show?

He's in the chat.

Nope.

10 a.m., 8 o'clock p.m., lucky Tuesday, Saturday.

Ah, fuck.

They're already closed.

Do you want to try the Mexican restaurant instead?

Okay, let's do the Mexican.

Okay, if you don't notice, I'm PMing you the information as I dial them,

so you have an idea we're on the same page here in case you need to refer to, like, you know,

what address it is and such and so on and so forth.

There you go.

Just a moment.

I'm going to do that, folks.

We'll try that again.

Mexican restaurant called the Grumpy Gringo in Colorado.

Hang on, everybody.

We're going to try this a third time.

The charm is one moment.

All right.

Hello?

Yeah.

Is this Mark Jameson?

No.

No, it's Dee Dee.

Who is this?

Dee Dee.

The dead.

The dick?

The dead, you motherfucking pedo.

Hang up, Carlito.

Hello?

Go fuck yourself.

Oh, Jesus.

You fucking pedo.

What's with the language?

You fucking asshole.

Carlito, hang up.

All right.

Hang up.

All right.

Go fuck yourself.

Go fucking nine-year-old motherfucker.

The dick.

The dick fucker

The dumb ass

Don't fuck yourself, motherfucker

Grumpy gringo, how can I help you?

Yeah, I was there.

My wife got back.

My wife's over here crapping shit out of her ass.

What-what's up with those, uh, beaks?

Right?

Uh, sorry.

Tomatoes!

Yeah, kid's there from the Florian, not from Florida.

Okay, you are a...

Yeah, sir, I'm eating...

He's, like, over here, like, shitting water out of her vagina.

You want to save it for me, everything is fine, but I can call the owner in just a moment.

You had water out of him over here.

Something to kick his ass.

What are you going to do about that?

My wife, too.

What are you going to do?

I mean, what the asshole?

Do something about it.

This guy's coming right over.

Watch out.

I'm trying to light a cigar here.

I was hoping you would.

I'm more set because I'm going to have my cigar lit, my man.

All right.

You want to do another one?

I just got one confirmed for G.I. Joe's.

G.I. Joe's.

We should call that motherfucker right back.

You want to call him back?

You need to call.

Why?

We'll do that right now.

You got it?

You want it?

You got it, brother.

Starting with the area code, followed by the pound.

I'm motherfuckin' smarter than your piece of shit.

Shut up.

Shut up, you fucking nine-year-old raping motherfucker.

Call your hen up, please.

Okay, hang on.

That obviously wasn't from Peepers.

Explain that, Milkman. What the hell is going on?

I keep getting all these numbers.

You got that from the dead, didn't you?

Okay, well, that makes more sense.

You just keep using them.

That's probably what it was anyway.

Hang on, uh, I got a- I got a Brutal Vega here.

In Puerto Rico, in...

Good morning.

I'll tell you what, turn to me and you start calling me, and I'm not calling you.

Listen here, dude.

My wife over here...

You would have stayed on had you not cursed at him, you nigg-nug.

What's wrong with you, outlaw?

Good nigg.

He's so frustrated tonight, man.

...to his bar.

Man, what the hell, just lost it, dude.

The phone number entered is invalid.

Please re-enter the number...

Yeah, Bruno Vega, Beverly Hills, Guaynabo, Puerto Rico.

Bruno Vega, okay.

Hello?

Hola?

Yes.

Hola?

Is he Bruno?

Yes.

Is this Bruno Vega?

uh see looney tunes bar why do you want yes called into the show before are you calling

everybody show you different calling the carlito show what's wrong with you well i'm gonna call

your show you should i gotta move on i gotta do some more calls all right be a stranger man

all right man my man outlaw peace out brother that is big outlaws everybody let's play some

more of this prank master deal yes uh have you heard of the new product called prank

uh why do you say i have you heard of the new product called perk i i don't understand you

you speak clearly please have you heard of the new product no have you heard of chastity best

for a fucking nine-year-old you fucking child molesting son of a bitch you fucking son of a

bitch you child molesting mother fucker drew a piece of shit man why you fucking not in jail

son of a bitch you hang up the phone hang up the phone little baby

Yeah, you conditioned up by your contact, you fuckin' cockroaches, cocksuckers, you motherfuckin' piece of shit.

Are you finished yet? I'm going to put a dick right in your mouth, you fuckin' little faggot.

I can't believe that my fans would do this to me

into you. My show, my own fans would give me numbers like this. You know, they're giving

you their own phone number, and, you know. I feel betrayed. I feel like, you know, it's

like Pearl Harbor all over again. Hello? Hello? Hang up, Carlito, it's Zola. Ah, he knew my

fucking girlfriend. It's your nine-year-old phone number, Carlito. You're using my cell

phone on my friend now. Zola, how could you do this? Sorry to keep fucking up your show,

I know dude, but this real fucking molest is killing everybody.

Well Zola, you're hurting me. This is seriously killing me.

Don't fucking talk to me. You have no rights.

Hey listen, sue me okay?

I love you.

What are you doing? Make me famous.

I love you. I'll sue you for the harassment.

The show's over. Thank you Zola.

And he laughs like that. I don't know. I just, I don't know.

Look, I'm gonna call KDK now. I gotta discuss some stuff with him and see what I'm gonna do.

to make some phone calls.

I've been talking to Ted and everything,

and I think I might talk to him tonight.

But that's it.

Thank you very much for calling, Frank.

All right, dude.

You know, tell Ted that I said hey.

All right, tell Teddy K I said hey.

Okay.

All right.

All righty.

That's a blast from the past right there.

All right, everybody.

I need to take...

That was a classic, dude.

I need to take a piss like it's nobody's business.

I got to take a break.

I haven't taken a break in like a month on this show.

But I need to.

With permission from the syndicate people,

People, I would like to, you know, keep going past my normal time of 12, you know, 12 midnight.

Unless anybody else is coming on after me.

It's a birthday special.

Yeah, cool.

Mark Hahn says do it, but he's not in charge here.

If anybody else is coming on after me, let me know.

If not, I'll extend it.

I feel like pranking.

Not tired at all.

Had a lot of caffeine today.

Excuse me.

In the meantime, when we do come back from this break, we have some more numbers to call.

We've got G.I. Joe's Rack and Rig.

We have the Rude Dogs Bar that we didn't call earlier.

I don't think we ever called it, right?

No, we still have to call that.

Milkman, you've sent in a lot of numbers, too.

We also have the hotel from earlier that we called with Zolark.

We've done a couple of homos.

Homos.

All right.

Yeah.

Let's do that.

That's some redneck red dog in Texas.

Oh, yeah.

Sookie sookie now.

All right.

We're going to do that.

And your requests and calls here, be sure to visit madhouselive.com during the break.

Keep listening.

Send in your requests to AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio, and MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com.

And the toll-free line will be in effect as well.

We'll get that number out after the break.

Don't call now.

You can't get in.

You can't call in now.

No, no, no.

Don't waste your time.

I'm going to make a sandwich.

Be listening.

Yes, sir.

Because we're going to have some calls to George.

He had a computer over here, man.

It got broke down on Brokeback Mountain.

The extended cut.

This is going to be a good one, guys.

You can't miss it.

Hell yeah, brother.

Yeah, so as I said, we'll be right back in a moment.

All right, so we'll be back in about three or four, about four or five minutes, everybody.

It's 11.48 p.m. Eastern, Thursday, June the 19th.

We'll be right back in just a moment.

Madhouse Radio.

Thank you.

Radio will be back right after this.

Back, everybody.

Madhouse Radio for another little bit.

it prankage here everybody i heard uh kanye west pissed some people off at bonner this week

he didn't show up for his his uh set until 4 25 a.m he was due to be out there 2 3 a.m he showed

up at 4 25 a.m for his song and he got booed off stage i like kanye but dude you gotta be on time

don't be a lazy dude

man

if you're gonna

if you got a concert

I would be so

if I paid good money

to go to a concert

and the motherfucker

showed up two and a half

hours late

I'm doing the diva act

yeah

I'm late

two and a half hours late

there's no fucking excuse

all those people

well I guess in Bonnaroo

they pay for the whole week

or something like that

how does Bonnaroo

what is it not like

you ain't that great

isn't it a whole bunch

of hippies that like

camp out and stuff

Bonnaroo

yeah it's like a

yeah

it's a big old

it's a

across the river from me

over here in Tennessee.

It's like a big ol' hippie fest

kind of thing.

Oh, Metallica tore it up there.

Oh, Metallica tore it up, did they really? Yeah, good.

Good for them, good for them.

You know, I think we need to

bring someone down a few pegs.

For those of you who, you know, we got Major Chaos

aka Prankmaster who thinks that people

we don't forget.

We forgive.

We never forgive you, homeboy, but we don't forget.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm going to find here real quick the omission.

I know for a fact that this guy here, he admitted that he did what he did.

Let's find that audio real quick.

Let's see where he actually...

This is...

And I want to apologize.

This is KDK Audio.

This is his show stuff here.

Hello, how are you doing?

But most importantly, I want to report that there is a pedophile here who's amongst us

and we need to oust him as soon as possible.

Yeah, right.

They were in a poor house and they wanted to get Prankmasters Millions.

That's enough of that.

I don't want...

Who cares, right?

The love raps.

Yeah, it was a big blue rap.

Ah, shit.

shit the dead says he's gonna call in everybody you guys are wondering where the dead is the dead's

talking to me now he said he's gonna call in in a moment yeah dd double b so yeah i just want to

say you know this is the kind of people you know this is this is prank master major cast whatever

he thinks he wants to reinvent himself and come on i don't want to start beef with anybody but

this guy's a piece of trash that's all i'm saying he's a convicted child molester the only reason

he doesn't carry a sentence with him is because he was a minor when it happened but he admitted

And later on on Zolar's show, later on, actually the night before KDK did his heinous act,

he admitted that he did it intentionally.

This is a man who molested a nine-year-old girl on a beach in front of the girl's dad.

You know, do with that as you wish.

That's all I have to say.

Do with it as you people wish, okay?

Anyway.

I'm just suggesting that some person could do that.

He's a jerk off that guy.

He's, he's, and the list goes on and on and on about how, how, how, yeah, he's, he's the

B-Dawg, okay, anyway, so, B-Dawg, B-Dawg, oh yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm 29 years

old, everybody, alright, yeah, my birthday, I didn't realize, alright, hey, thank you

everybody, okay, so it's time, I'm finally, it's finally time for me to open up my gifts

My gift, Athena says she packed me a birthday bag.

My real gifts are, you know, tomorrow I'm going to be going to my parents' house.

Oh, man, my mom is going to cook some home cooking.

You know what I'm going to have, man?

My mom said, what do you want to eat, Carlito?

And I said, Mom, you know, I want my favorite fruit.

I don't know if anybody out there knows what mofongo is.

I'm Puerto Rican.

Mofongo, if you've never, it sounds funny.

It sounds disgusting when you hear it said, mofongo.

But, man, that is some good stuff.

Mofongo is like a mashed plantain, and it's all garlicky and oniony and oily.

Oh, God.

I've never had that before.

She's going to make the fried pork, Puerto Rican-style pork.

Oh, man.

And then she's making my favorite-style Puerto Rican rice.

I'm going to get the rice with shrimp.

Puerto Rican-style shrimp fried rice.

Oh, man, you can't beat that at all.

Anyway, gift time, everybody.

Yeah, so my real gifts, I'm going to get the really good gifts.

You know, Athena, you know, we're kind of, you know, we're college students, you know.

If me and Athena are in some financial situation now, the sweet, I love her so much.

She went out and she actually, she spent some money today and she made me a birthday.

I told her, you know what, Athena, don't get anything big this year.

Give me a few things that come from the heart.

And I made, you know, the one rule is nothing electronic because every year, you know,

and for Christmas and for birthday and all that stuff and for Father's Day,

She always gets me something that's, like, electronic.

I ask her, yeah, I need, you know, I want an iTrip or I want my iPod or this and that.

So this time she wanted to get something that wasn't electronic because she always ends up getting something she has no idea what it is.

So anyway, here we go.

Let's take a look and see what I got from Athena here.

I swear to God, I've kept it here all night.

I have not looked at it.

Let's find out.

Let's see here.

Get this.

Let's see what I got first.

Let's see what I got here.

I got a book.

Lies My Teacher Told Me.

See, this is a book I've been asking for right here.

Everything in your American history textbook got wrong.

Awesome.

The Washington Post, powerful and important, deserves to become an instant.

I've heard about this book and I've seen it.

I've read parts of it at Borders, drinking my coffee.

One of my pastimes on Sunday mornings, I like to go to Borders.

I get myself a large iced coffee with some cinnamon and nutmeg in it.

And I grab a few magazines and a book and I read for a few hours.

I take my laptop with me, and I edit some pranks and stuff like that right there at the shop.

So this is cool.

This is basically like they break down everything in American history that isn't reported.

So that's that right there.

That's pretty cool.

Awesome.

Athena's sleeping.

She has to work tomorrow.

She's already in bed.

And there's that book right there, Lies.

Milkman, I'll send you a copy of that when you're done.

Milkman, cut it out, man.

Knock it off.

Let's see what else we got here.

That wasn't me, man.

Don't blame it on me.

Jewel motherfucker.

Yeah, it was.

Let's see what else we got here.

One night that we had her playing on the air

She was snoring

Oh my god yeah

With that crazy fucker

Man I miss crazy fucker

I wanted to say

I tracked down crazy fucker's number

I had his real name

I tracked down his phone number

And the lady said

Yeah we keep getting calls for this guy

I have no idea who he is

He moved away

This isn't his number anymore

Stop calling

I'm officially saying

unless Crazy Fucker

shows up one day

if he needs to

contact us

we have lost

Crazy Fucker

he's gone

so hopefully

Crazy Fucker

he's in Folsom

State out here

in Folsom Prison

and time keeps

dragging on

okay

Reversing Diabetes

by Julian

Whitaker MD

reduce or even

eliminate your

dependence on

insulin or

oral

oral drugs

okay

there's a book

on reversing diabetes

what's this about

it's got a bunch

of recipes in it

stuffed zucchini. Oh, that sounds fun. Half a cup of tofu cut into small cubes. One clove

garlic minced. One teaspoon olive oil. One teaspoon low sodium soy sauce. Two medium

fuck that shit. I'm going to throw this out. Fuck that bullshit. All right. What else we

got here? Sugar-free Hershey's caramel filled chocolates. All right. Act that. Hey, there

you go. All right. I'll take that. I'm going to have one of those right now. There we go.

You know, sugar-free Hershey's caramel-filled chocolates.

Let's see how these taste.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Ooh, that looks good.

Hershey's sugar-free stuff is usually pretty good.

Let's try this here and see what I think.

That's pretty good.

I'm good.

I'll take that.

Good deal.

There you have it, Jack.

Fastest in San Francisco.

Not bad.

Let's see what else we got here.

I got a bunch of stuff here.

What's next?

All right.

Sugar-free Reese's peanut butter cups.

My favorite candy.

Ooh, yeah.

Sugar-free miniature.

Miniature.

I'm going to open one here.

Let's see how it's here.

All right, let's see if this is any good.

I've never had a sugar-free Reese's.

I didn't know they made sugar-free Reese's.

Let's try that out here.

Oh, this is good.

Oh, that caramel, that is some good stuff right there.

I'm going to have to eat a bunch of those.

All right, Reese's peanut butter cups.

I'm making a mess here.

It's pretty good.

All right, I'll give that an A.

So far, so good.

One bad gift out of the whole box.

Let's see what else we got here.

I got three more things in here.

Let's see.

Damn, she's got so much.

Look at this.

She put, like, Easter stuff in here.

Come on.

This isn't Easter.

Here's another book.

185 Stupid Things Republicans Have Said by Chip Rauter.

All right.

Cool.

Includes hilarious commentary by such well-known and beloved Republicans as George W. Bush,

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Newt Gingrich, and Dan Quayle, and more.

Let's see.

Here we go.

Let's see.

Okay.

John McCain, presidential candidate on France.

France is like an aging actress of the 1940s.

She's still dining out on her looks, but doesn't have the face for it.

I don't get it.

All right.

George W. Bush in 2001.

I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.

Ha, ha, ha, you stupid shit.

What else is in here?

Let's see.

One more joke.

These are real quotes by Republicans.

George W. Bush in 2002.

Reading is the basics for all learning.

There you go.

George W. Bush.

48th president.

What's he at?

I don't know.

Whatever it is.

All right.

That was all right.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

What else we got here?

We got two more gifts.

Two more gifts.

Saigon says those gifts aren't good.

You know what, asshole?

I'm poor, all right?

I'm happy.

Athena made these with me for a little...

Ooh, this is wrapped up in...

All right, let's see what this is.

I think this is a cigar.

Let's see what this is.

Hell.

I'm supposed to play a timpani roll while I do this.

Let's see what this is here.

Ah, damn it.

Enough wrapping here, Athena.

Jesus.

I'm going to fucking open this.

God, I hate it when people wrap things all...

Jesus.

This is taking too long.

I really...

This is either a pencil or a cigar or something.

I'm willing to bet you it's a cigar.

what's up for you you're bored talk huh you bored because it's not your birthday you didn't get any

gifts when's your birthday tuck i haven't my birthday for a long time just because your

birthday is on the leap day you only get a birthday every four years sucker all right it is a cigar

what we got here that is a cohiba cigar awesome all right cool man that's cool that's a fidel

castro's favorite smoke right there cohiba those are those are those are nice cigars

Cool beehive.

And the last gift of the night.

What's this?

All right.

Check it out.

Got myself a new tobacco pipe.

Awesome.

Well, that's a nice one, too.

It's like a nice hardwood.

Oh, look at that.

Yeah.

Cool.

Good deal.

Yeah, because I'm a tobacco pipe, pipe tobacco smoker now.

You know the problem with this?

Oh, I see.

It's one of those pipes that when you put it on the table, it falls right over, though.

It doesn't have a flat bottom.

Oh, that sucks.

I just got to make sure I balance it whenever I put it down.

I'm going to load this up here with some tobacco.

I've got a little bit of Gentleman's Choice fine cured Cavendish here.

I'm going to load that up now for the rest of the show.

We're almost done with the show, actually.

We had a lot of good pranks tonight.

We had a good night.

We've been having fun here tonight.

Let's call those numbers I sent in there, B.

Yeah, we've got to do some calls.

I'm going to have another one of those Reese's ones.

Those are good.

Another Reese's, sugar-free Reese's peanut butter cup.

I've got to be careful because those sugar alcohols, I know Baz is listening.

He'll let you know.

Man, they go right through you.

Do you have too many of that sugar-free stuff sometimes?

Right there, man.

Right there.

Anyway, who's on the satellite?

Milkman, Tuck?

Who else?

I don't even have the screen up in front of me.

I want to thank everyone who's still listening here with us.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Baz is here.

Good deal.

And Baz, Milkman, and Tuck.

Awesome, guys.

Thanks for listening.

There you go.

All right.

Looks like it.

Having a good night here.

All right.

Let's move on.

Let's do some more pranks.

Let me see what...

Let me clear the...

In a chat room, a lot of people are talking about Prankmaster, a.k.a. whatever his name is now.

That's cool.

Nunu wants the dead to call in.

That is so cute for you.

Well, somebody was calling in.

Who was calling in?

Someone was calling in blocked.

We don't take blocked callers here, sir.

Sorry, we don't take blocked callers here.

The guest 3092 says, Carly, do more pranks.

You got it, man.

I'm on it right now.

That was Douche who was calling in, all right?

We have the numbers from before.

We've got some U.K. numbers here also.

Awesome.

I'll need an international call.

An international card if I'm going to do those.

All right?

Take the damn call, whatever.

House Radio, you're on the air.

What's up, Carlito?

Who's this, Jonathan?

Oh, so how are things, man?

No good deal.

Happy birthday to me, huh?

Happy birthday.

And my birthday is this far around the corner on Monday.

On Monday?

Wow, look at that.

See, birthday central, man.

My birthday's today.

Zola's birthday on Saturday.

And then two days after that,

Big Jonathan turning 18, man.

Awesome.

Happy birthday.

day. 18 years young, man. Actually, I'm turning 49. I know. I'm just kidding. The oldest listener

on Madhouse Radio and the original first caller of the show is Jonathan. Any plans for Monday,

man? What do you got going on? Well, I'm going to be busy on Monday. We should meet up, man.

You go there a lot, don't you? And you know what today? You know, they got the billboards all over

Orlando. I don't know where you live. They got them. I doubt it. But over here in Orlando, man,

the billboards all over the place. The Simpsons ride. They got Homer Simpson on a big billboard.

and I'm really excited.

I really want to do the Simpsons ride, man.

They took out Back to the Future,

the ride, which is like my favorite ride, man.

Back to the Future, I watched that movie every day

when I was like 10, 11, 12 years old.

Well, not even, I was younger than that.

I was like 6, 7, 8 years old or whatever.

I would watch it like every day

when I came home from school,

I watched Back to the Future,

and it was an awesome ride,

but it got really aged.

They never updated it,

and they yanked it out,

and now they have,

well, they put in the Simpsons ride instead,

dead now which i guess if they're going to get rid of back to the future i would have no other way

if uh you know the simpsons ride is the best next thing you know what i mean oh yeah what's your

favorite theme park in the land do you like disney do you like universal or sea world or what what's

or do you like the bush gardens in tampa two favorites i like universal and uh what's your

favorite you had a ride at universal that's right they got rid of um you're you're a fan of king

kong but in the mummy ride which it's like an indoor roller coaster kind of thing i don't like

the mummy because it stops halfway through like you're going you roll fast you know what i mean

and then it just stops, and then there's fire everywhere, you see the mummy comes out, and

it, the whole, like, it's cool because the whole ceiling catches on fire, you know what

I mean, like, there's fire all around you, and then you drop down straight, and then

you finish the ride, but it's such, it's like, it's such a, it's anticlimactic when, you

know, when you're in a rollercoaster, and it just stops, then it's tracks, you know,

if you're gonna, I say, if you're gonna go to a rollercoaster, go off to the wall, but

definitely, my favorite rollercoaster in Orlando is the Dueling Dragons over at Universal

Verso at the Islands of Adventure, oh man, the best one is the fire one, you gotta sit

in the front, you gotta get in the front, and you sit on that Dueling Dragons right

there, oh man, that is an awesome, awesome, and the Hulk, the Hulk coaster is pretty good

too, as a matter of fact, you know what I mean, Blitzes, Blitzes, he goes to Busch Gardens

so he can walk the park with his eyes closed, really, I don't know, I've only been to Busch

Gardens once in my life, and it was about 15 years ago, it's just, I don't know, something

about that, I don't like, something about Tampa, you know what I mean, it's just, it's

It's a weird town.

I'm kind of jealous of Tampa.

You know, we're right across the way in Orlando.

And all we have is the NBA team.

All we have is the Magic.

They get the baseball team that sucks, but they got the Bucs also.

You know what I mean?

They got a lot of stuff that we don't get here.

Blitzkrieg says Tampa sucks almost as much as Orlando.

That's right.

Truso, what about Miami?

Miami is awesome.

I love going to Miami.

My favorite hotel on South Beach is the Tudor.

It's a very old hotel that's been redone.

It used to be visited by Frank Sinatra and people like that back in the day.

It's an affordable and very nice hotel right on the strip, right on Collins Avenue.

If anybody goes to South Beach on the trip, whether you live in Florida, if you ever take the trip down,

if you're looking for a good hotel to stay at, I recommend the Hotel Tudor,

which I believe is on the corner of Collins and 3rd or something like that.

Yeah, Saigon says South Beach is a big spring break.

Yeah, and that happened recently within the last few years.

Everyone wants to go to, you know, South Beach is a big, you know, South Beach never, have you ever been to South Beach, Jonathan?

No, I haven't.

South Beach never, like, the party never stops.

It's like 5 o'clock in the morning, and there's a line to get in the club.

Like, literally, like, non-stop, all the time, club, if you're into clubs and stuff like that.

But regardless, Miami Beach is beautiful.

Know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, me and you, I'm going to take you, we're going to go to South Beach, we're going to have a good old time.

Know what I mean?

I wish we sat at my phone.

Well, seriously, we've got to meet up.

You know, me, you, and who else is in Tampa out here?

Hooknose is in Tampa, too.

You ever watch Hooknose' show here on Syndicate?

Oh, yeah.

He's in Tampa, man.

You should look him up.

You should have a big show.

Me, Jonathan, and Hooknose are going to do a show together one day.

You watch.

But seriously, I've been talking to Hooknose.

I talked to him recently about, you know, doing a show together since we're so close together.

You know, inviting him here to the studio on a Thursday night.

Or maybe me going to his studio on a Saturday night.

I think it would be kind of cool to do like a, you know, like when me and Sean Ward did a show together.

mean yeah i keep saying not i mean not i mean uh you know you know what i mean probably not i want

to go to that new gatorland and just open up yeah because the other one burnt down yeah well it's

fun man it's just you think it's just gators but they have snakes there too and uh they got like

big tortoises that are huge and uh they got some pretty cool shows uh they're telling me to get

rid of cam 3 what's up with cam 3 how do i get rid of cam 3 oh my god look at that they're making

an Emmy Rosa, who is that, I can't read that, and then that is Hugh, okay, hang on, I don't

know, I've never banned anybody on here, hang on, let's see how you do that, I don't know

how to do that, how do you kick a cam, someone tell me how you kick a cam, I have no idea

how to do it, I'm right clicking on it, and it gives me the flash stuff, hover the cam

spot, hover the cam spot, okay, and now what, exit out, I don't see an X, oh, alright,

Jonathan, so what else is going on, what can you tell us, people want to know, okay, well

good, good, man, keep your maintenance down, you know, don't get in any wrecks, you got

I went to that rec last year.

Yeah, and I...

Hurt your back.

Why that?

You got the meds, you know, the pain meds.

I should have gotten a beer while I was on break.

Fuck me.

No, I can't get drunk.

Bullshit.

Anyway, all right, Jonathan, say hi to your fans and listeners real quick.

We got to move on.

We got to do some pranks.

I'm getting tired.

We're going to be, you know, kicking the show off here pretty soon.

Well, I want to say hello to all my fans and listeners, and I hope you all have a great weekend.

All right, Jonathan.

Peace out, bro.

Try to make it in for the first call next week, all right?

We miss that.

It was always great to have you as a first caller.

All right, I'll do that.

All right, brother.

Have a good weekend.

All right.

That's Jonathan, everybody.

Jonathan, everybody.

Jonathan.

Yay.

All right, Milkman, call your numbers and say, okay, we'll do that.

Milkman, do you have an international phone card that we can do to call Britain?

Have anything with you that we can use to call the Commonwealth of the British Isles,

whatever it's called, you know what I mean?

That'd be good.

I don't have any international card at the moment.

Well, if we find one, we can call the U.K.

Anyway, and look at that girl, Lizzy Poo, is back online on the cam.

That Dominican-looking girl.

I don't know.

You don't know who I'm talking about, but she's got that look, you know, that dark Dominican look to her.

If somebody wants to call in here, I've got a message for you.

Yeah, yeah.

We've got another caller here.

I'm going to ask if they could give you a call.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That girl, she's got some big earrings, though, man.

Those Dominican girls like earrings.

House Radio, you're on the air.

Is that a set of earrings?

Hello, hello.

Hello? Okay, let's hurry up and do a call before someone else calls in.

We're calling. Hello?

Hello, damn you, son of a bitch. Hello?

Retard's calling in now, aren't we?

We're finally clear of the line.

Okay, we're going to call.

Oh, man.

We're calling Iratija Termichichi.

I don't know who that is, but we're calling him now.

Hang on, everybody.

Next prank call tonight is coming right up.

Thank you for your patience.

Welcome.

Please enter your PIN number.

No way, Milkman.

I'm going to do your call next.

Promise I won't forget to do your call next, sir.

Yeah, forget it.

Someone just called me from this number.

It was sounding like the Frankenstein is going, man.

Who was that?

What is your name?

This is Valente.

Someone called from this number, and they left a message on my answering machine.

And the guy was like, is everything okay?

Do you have a reporter problem with your toilet?

Where are you calling from?

I'm calling for Tremici.

For who?

I'm calling from Iraj, Tremici.

Calling from who are you?

I'm calling from L.A., and we got a call here.

Someone left a weird message, and we're calling to follow up.

No, everything is okay, but what organization are you?

I'm with Valente and Associates.

My name is Jack Valente.

No, everything is okay.

Well, who made these bad noises on the phone?

I don't know. I don't know.

Who's in the back? That's the person in the back.

Ask them why they did that now.

No, everything is okay.

No?

Who called you? I don't know.

Nothing is okay because I hit star 69 and I got you back.

She doesn't want to admit it, but she knows she made a mistake.

Call her right back.

Who's listening?

Yes, Milkman, hey.

Somebody wants to call in, man.

Okay, let me hang up the phone.

Somebody wants to call in, and a special guest.

who's calling in reclude haven't seen i saw him yesterday and we played a reclude we played a

reclude prank earlier on the break did you hear that now call man hurry up and call on now

yeah reclude likes he'll do pranks during the week and he'll send them to me it's pretty cool

oh fuck if i can reconnect this hello man how's radio how you doing sweetheart how you doing

good thanks thanks very much that's the best birthday song i've had this year so far i tried

You're going to sound like Marilyn Monroe.

I was about to say, were you wearing the really tight dress and everything?

I didn't use this dress, man.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

It was blowing up in the air.

That's a good movie, The Seven-Year Edge.

Oh, I want to see that now.

I love that movie.

Oh, man.

You got the CD, I hope, right?

Yes, I did.

And you did not get the bonus CD with that, I hear.

No, I didn't get that.

I made a mistake.

I didn't put it in there.

I put it in there.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to send you the bonus CD this weekend, okay?

Because you wanted the Charlie Patton call, right?

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of people that want to hear that.

You said that you were the one that said that came from you, that guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

I don't know what's going on.

I haven't heard from him in about, oh, seven months.

He didn't pass away.

He wasn't really sick.

Yes, he was.

He was really sick?

He really was.

But he wasn't as bad as he said he was.

Yeah, but he's...

I mean, for him having open-heart surgery.

But he didn't have open-heart surgery.

He just wanted me to come and get him.

How can someone be blamed for open-heart surgery?

He blamed you for him having to have open-heart surgery?

Well, he never had the surgery, but he wanted me to feel sorry for him

and go to Illinois and pick him up or bring him back to Indiana with me.

I didn't fall for it.

Don't fall for that.

He's a user.

He's a user, Sweet Kisses.

Don't fall for that stuff.

I know.

He was needed.

I got rid of him.

You know who's an enabler is Milkman, though.

You've got to watch out for that.

Oh, I know.

He's an enabler.

That's right.

That's even worse than a user.

Uh-huh, it sure is.

Yeah, it is.

So everything's good?

How are the puppies?

Did you get rid of all those puppies that you had?

No, I still have six.

How old are they now?

They're, Tuesday they'll be 12 weeks old.

They'll get to go get their rabies shot.

Oh, really?

Do you know Athena's a dog groomer, right?

Did I ever tell you that?

No, I didn't know that.

Yeah, we're going to a dog show on Sunday.

You want me to bring them all down to Florida?

Bring them down?

She'll cut them, she'll bathe them, she'll give them line cuts and everything.

I bathed them last week.

It was a trip.

Oh, you did?

Yeah, make sure you don't let their hair get matted or anything like that, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everything else is good, right?

Oh, yeah.

Good to hear.

I'm glad to hear that.

All right.

Well, my birthday's in two weeks.

You too?

God, everyone's, everyone's, you're a Cancer then, right?

Yeah, I'm July 4th.

July 4th, right?

Because I'm the last, I'm the last day for Gemini, and the Cancer's right after that.

We're not supposed to get along, us Geminis and Cancers.

I get along with everybody.

Oh, we get along just fine, don't we?

Debbie man's bill.

Oh, yeah, I love that lady.

She won't answer the phone either anyway.

No, she won't?

No, she won't.

She won't.

No, no, no, no.

Oh, my God.

I'll have to find somebody else to get you.

Please, find some more crazies.

I know you've got them out there where you live in Indianapolis.

All right.

Thanks for calling.

Happy birthday.

And you two in two weeks.

Remind me.

I'm going to sing happy birthday to you just the same way you did, all right?

Okay.

All right, sweetie.

With the dress on?

Yes, with the dress on.

On camera and everything.

You got it.

All right.

I'll do my best Monroe impression.

Okay.

All right.

Bye.

See you.

All right.

That's good.

Thank you, Man Milkman, your old lady over there calling in with a happy birthday.

Ooh, there is a lady showing her cleavage on the camera, and her name is Veracity.

God, this is the best birthday ever.

Wow, nice.

Nice, nice, nice.

Having a good time here.

All right.

Lots of ladies.

And it's called an idiot, man, that I sent you a note.

And look at that redneck guy, man.

Okay, you're right.

He's got the two homos out here in California.

That's right, that's right, that's right.

Okay, hang on.

Let me take a look at that here.

Everybody wants to hear you call the homos here because everybody here knows them.

Everybody want to hear the homo call?

Yeah.

They've got a whole room full of people here wanting to hear you call the homos because we know the homos.

Don't you guys have to work or something?

Yeah, they wear diapers right now.

You know, they're wearing those T-pens.

Yeah.

A bunch of slackers.

Everybody out here is listening.

All right, hang on.

Let me see.

Okay, so we've got two.

That's what we get paid for.

Okay, so who are the homos again?

I've got two fags that will answer.

Gay Brothers, Big Lakers fans.

Ah, losers.

Losers.

Oh, yeah, Celtics.

Congratulations to the Celtics.

Big, big Lakers fans, yeah.

Finally, the East Coast comes through in big fashion.

80-7.

I'd be very upset if we start with that, too.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, with a lot of pissed-off people over there.

You're in L.A.

Don't make fun of our Lakers.

With a lot of pissed-off people over there when the Lakers lost the other day.

40 points, man.

Yeah, there was a lot of upset people, lost money,

and there was a lot of jubilant people, too, as well.

Oh, my God.

The latent Texas idiots, most of them weren't happy because Texas lost.

So they're like, oh, boy, the Lakers lost, too.

No kidding, but, dude, I'm just going to tell you, man,

if the Celtics were going to do it, they tore it up, 40-point game, game six.

That's, dude, they just, they owned it, man, owned it.

And congratulations to Kevin Garnett, well-deserved, finally getting a ring.

Well, they were setting them up, man, and the problem is that they never

actually got started with their plan, you know.

You know, they set him up all that time, and when it finally got down to it,

they never got around to kicking ass.

Okay, they're telling me to block Cam, too, now.

Am I allowed to block Cam, too?

Is that the deal?

All right, well, I don't know if I can.

Who's that?

Oh, that's that chick again?

That Emmy is something or another?

All right, here we go.

Blocked, removed, dead, out of here, on your ass.

Boom.

All right, okay, anyway, so we're going to call the fags, you say.

So who are these dudes, Big Lakers fans, Tavo and George, or is it Jorge?

Tavo and George, yeah.

Who are you calling first?

I'm going to call Jorge.

I'm going to call George.

Is it George or Jorge?

What does he go by, George or Jorge?

Yeah, Jorge or George, either one.

Those Mexicans don't care what you call them.

He's a big back, close back mountain fan, too.

Okay, all right.

All right, hang on.

Let's do that, folks.

Hang on.

Dick, do I got to suck to get a decent lighter around here?

Jorge.

Yeah.

Dick, do I got to suck around here to get a lighter?

I have to suck around here to get a freaking ass lighter that works.

Well, get it.

This is a friend of Tabo, man.

He told me to give you a call.

This is Valente.

tag, Tavo's boy, and Tam, Tavo's boy, how you doing, man, Tavo, you know Tavo, right,

your boy Tavo, man, do tonight, man, pop or you a bottom, pop or you a bottom, pitch or

you catch it, you go, or you go, how do you like it, you told me to give, let me call

Tavo instead now, pops and bottoms are in the mouth, who happened to join, customer

service, who would like to go to that mountain, I'll call Tavo now, oh my god, good call,

man, hey, Veracity, what kind of beer you drinking over there, woman, women don't drink

beers hey cosmo this is tavo yeah hey tavo or hey george told me to give you a call what's up bro

i don't know who's this valente george's friend he told me to give you a call give me a call for

busy tonight i come along what's thinking about it you like cosmos prefer like martinis or

cosmopolitans what kind of guy are you he's got his hand he wanted to put his hand in my lap but

i said i'm a one man man okay i shoot you both of you like finger cuffs you ever try that oh you

know i stuck my dick in a glory hole once you know what was on the other side trap man oh got

I got stuck in there.

I couldn't pull it back out.

I had to call the police on my cell phone.

I guess you guys ain't got nothing better to do right now at 9 o'clock.

Well, it's actually, it's like 1230 where I live because I'm on the East Coast.

But for real, he told me to give you a call.

I mean, you know, cosmopolitans.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

He taught you how to go.

He told me the wrong way because then I would get half snapped off by a mousetrap.

How embarrassing it is to call the police and you call 911.

They're like, 911, police, fire, medical.

I'm like, well, medical, but I could use a fireman.

If you got Kent next to you, I'm pretty sure he's fisting you.

No, it's nothing like that.

But I'm just saying, it's the most embarrassing thing to stick your penis in a hole expecting a mouth,

and you get a mousetrap in the other end.

You can't pull it out.

And you know the pressure that thing comes down on your hard cock?

I don't.

Grab your pressure.

Let me see.

Try it.

He won't do it.

He won't do it, man.

He's like an ironclad thing.

He just doesn't want to get into it at all, man.

He's not into it.

Do you like Brokeback Mountain?

You like Brokeback Mountain, though, right?

All right, well, enjoy your time with Ken and George.

Right now I'm trying to go to bed, buddy.

Well, stay up with me.

Come on, talk to me, man.

Just talk to me.

Place a call.

I'm right back.

Enter your destination number, starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Yo, I got a report about the...

Who are these people?

Are they friends of your friends over there?

Oh, my God, everybody's dying here.

They're listening to it on the stream.

I'm not sure of it, man.

I'm telling you, you know, you got enough...

Hi, Tato says if you like Surfback Mountain.

All right, whatever.

I don't know.

These inside stories and jokes, not everybody gets it, but sure, I'll do it.

Oh, my God, that girl, Verassi.

Look at that.

My own, man.

If I was, like, 100 pounds lighter, I'm telling you, a girl like that, me and her, talking about that.

I'll let her shit in my chest.

Madhouse Radio, fucking talk this time.

What are you doing?

What the hell's wrong with your phone?

Nothing.

You keep calling in and you don't say anything, you douche.

Well, your phone doesn't work properly.

It works.

You keep calling in at the worst moments.

What's up with you, man?

man. I'm hearing a shadow, too, of myself. What's going on? No, I'm just here, you know,

doing the madhouse thing, pranking, looking at women on the cameras, a girl drinking a

beer. Well, why did you pick up my calls? I'm busy, man. People laugh, making people

change lives here. I've got time to talk to people in Canada. What's that about? Canada.

Why are you closing the mouthful? The mouthful? Because I can't afford it because I keep having

to pay for calls from British Columbia or wherever you're from. How much? I guess it's

Like a dollar a minute, man.

Really?

Yeah.

A minute.

Fuck yeah.

Well, I don't think...

See, when you call now, it comes up as like DC or something like that, so I think it's

okay.

Well, I'm calling from Skype, so it shouldn't make a difference.

So why'd you...

So in Skype, you can choose the number you have go out, right?

Like you can choose your caller ID.

Like you can choose a DC number or this or that or whatever.

You guys are boring me.

No, I'm not.

Thanks, Carlito.

Oh, jeez.

I'm going to call the hotel up.

You want to call the hotel?

I'm going to call the hotel.

Who are you going to ask for somebody who's going to mess with the lady at the hotel?

hotel i'm gonna mess with the lady you're gonna mess with the lady at the front desk maybe it's

somebody else by now maybe we can actually make something happen okay all right all right well

here we go you get one chance i'm gonna move on because this is excuse me it's expensive for you

to call in now let me find the number here where is it okay it's at the millennium hotel your

regular uh the regular phone line i gotta i gotta order it first i'll i'll let i'll i'll release the

number once it's safe to release the number for the time being the toll-free line is working all

all right maybe hey if i maybe it'll maybe it'll work you know maybe i can keep it around keep your

fingers crossed behave yourself and i might keep it on just for you all right i can call it doesn't

matter to me i have skype whoa look i can call anywhere well i got skype too all right hang on

we're going to call the hotel don't bore everybody all right hotel one weak sauce

take attention yeah are you smoking weed yeah i heard about british columbia i heard you guys

It's been getting a lot of rain, a lot of rain over there, huh?

Yeah, that's the way it is.

Yeah, according to this news report I got here, let me tell you what it is.

Oh, man, I got a bunch of requests of pranks that came in Milkman.

We never got to them.

We got to call this one.

William Bryan sent in one.

According to this article here, let me find it real quick,

about marijuana and the pot crop.

Apparently, it's all rotting.

Yeah, the BC butt is not going to, yeah, here we go.

Cold, wet spring threatens BC pot.

Wet weather across British Columbia is threatening profit margins for producers of marijuana, apparently.

B.C. has endured weeks of unreasonable drizzle and gray skies this spring,

with temperatures touching record lows in the months of May and June.

Growers are worried about mildew killing the seedlings.

Do you know anything about that?

Yeah, man.

Yeah?

I want to grow some plants in my garden.

Is it legal to grow it over there in British Columbia?

Because they make a big deal of how you can grow it or you can buy it there easily.

Or is that Vancouver?

No, you can, yeah, I live in Vancouver.

You can grow up without getting in trouble.

Really?

But it's not legal.

You can carry and stuff like that without getting in trouble?

No.

No?

So, what do you got, like, Mounties over there or something?

Do they pull you over, or are they always on a horse?

How does that work?

Yeah, man, I got another speeding ticket last Thursday.

That's right, you were going, like, 160 or something.

No, no, I got another one after that.

What is wrong?

You're going to get your license suspended, man.

I know.

I have to talk to the judge about it now.

When I was 19, I got 14 points on my license.

Like, I got four tickets in six months, and I got my license suspended for a whole year,

and I had to take a 12-hour class for it to get it back.

Fucking crazy.

That's gay.

Yeah, it is gay.

Fuck Florida, right?

I know.

Yeah, fuck it.

You should use that tobacco pipe for weed.

I quit.

I don't smoke weed anymore, man.

You should dig that new pipe in.

Yeah, maybe in the future, maybe in a few years.

You know, when I'm older and retired and stuff, when I'm not working anymore, I'm a responsible person.

That was my youth when I did stuff like that.

No more.

This is a new Carlito, man.

New Carlito, new business, new game.

Okay, whatever.

Now all I do is I smoke tobacco and I drink alcohol.

Lots and lots of alcohol.

Oh, my God.

Much better for you.

That's a go.

Thanks for calling.

Okay.

Wow.

You were playing.

Exactly.

That's exactly why I play, Ben.

If anybody needed proof...

I was on the phone.

If anybody needed proof that marijuana slows down the cerebral...

I was smoking and still, like, even carry on a conversation.

Yeah, exactly.

Don't give your cats a beer.

What is your name?

Yeah, guess...

I know, I know this one.

Bob.

Bob, yeah!

Yeah, anyway.

Okay, so who do you want me to call now, Milkman?

Since you're calling the shots here, who are we calling next?

Next.

Hey, you can call the Ken guy, man, because he's sitting right there on his lap right now.

Now, he's sitting right there next door to him.

Guess, I sound like an old Republican.

What, are you fucking crazy?

Enter your PIN number.

I'm not a fucking Republican, you asshole.

What's wrong with you?

Thirty-nine minutes remaining.

I'm a fucking Republican.

To listen to your request, enter your destination number.

That's a music note, man.

Starting at the area code, followed by the power sign.

I got an insane girl here.

He just told me to call, too.

Insane?

Insane about her?

Right there.

What's going on?

I'm sorry, my brother gave you a call.

I told him to dial the number, you know?

He was supposed to give it to you, and when you picked up, he forgot to.

What's up?

I'm a friend of George.

How are you doing, man?

Oh, pretty good.

Hey, George said you were a bottom.

George said you were a bottom.

Is that, like, for real, or are you a top?

What's this?

This is Valente.

I'm a friend of George.

I was talking to George.

You know George, right?

George and Tavo, you know what I'm talking about?

Huh?

You know Tavo and George?

Yeah, they told me to give you a call.

They said you were a bottom, that you were looking.

They did.

For God's sake, Milkman, I'm done entertaining you and your friends over there,

but thank you for listening, Milkman.

Oh, my God, dude.

Why is his mouth so small, dude?

He's got like a mouth about the size of a quarter.

Okay, that's good.

Hey, Milkman, do you got the number for Debbie Mansfield?

I'd like to give her a call.

I haven't talked to her in a while.

I'm sure I can find it, you know.

I do have it.

Okay, good.

Find it.

Look in there, and then I will find her number.

Call this crazy woman up, and then I'll find her number right now.

Okay, what's Ned doing?

Okay.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

I'm going to call.

We've got a prank request here.

We've got a prank request here that came in about 49 minutes ago.

I promised the guy I was going to get to it.

Okay, this is for Amber.

Okay.

Well, this is for a guy named Marquise.

Marquise.

Milkman Marquise.

Okay.

And his girl Amber is cheating on him, and he gets bad grades in school,

looks like a chimp, and works at Quality Car Wash.

That's what I'm talking about.

Quality Car Wash.

Excellent.

You know what that is?

That's my birthday card from Athena.

You know how Walgreens, they all have the singing,

they've got the cards with the music from Hallmark?

Yeah, those are cool.

I've got one of those there a while back, man,

for I think it's Valentine's Day.

I think it's so cute.

I'm going to give this guy a call,

tell him the fact that his old lady is cheating on him in the car wash.

All right, cool.

Just a moment.

We're going to be wrapping up the show here in about 10 minutes.

It's getting late.

It's almost 1 o'clock in the morning.

if you're listening on the Madhouse Radio Network

we'll be playing a classic Phil Henry call

a classic Phil Henry segment

for those Phil Henry fans out there

who like hearing that, we'll be doing that soon

the rest of you please stay tuned

for another prank call in just a moment

let me play a song here, let's play an actual song

not one of these Beastie Boys background things

let's play something good

Milkman, give me a request there for a song that you'll want to hear

anything in particular you want to hear my friend

or maybe an old prank call that we've done in the past

maybe I can play while we do this call

anything milkman look bad okay nothing then all right we'll play this back in a moment

you always make the same request uh parliament unfunky ufo hang on let's see if i can find

here we go milkman just for you all right hang on folks next prank coming up yeah man that's my

bro man house radio you're on the air who is what's up man how you doing uh all right dude

fucking we're in here is that okay football no i don't know i put softball with a bunch of

fucking, it's like a beer league. Have you ever seen

a beer league with 30 lines? Yeah, sure.

I wish I was athletic. I'd get into some kind of league

like that, or maybe into bowling league, you know what I mean?

Bowl? Yeah. Bowl, though. I'm not

good at it. How do you learn how to bowl?

You gotta take bowling classes.

Are you a bowler yourself? You ever do any bowling?

No, I don't fucking do it. What the fuck? I do like

something, just a private club where you have to

remember. You gotta be a Republican to get in?

You gotta be a Republican to get into

the club, or what was it? Well, I guess you have to be

a member of this, like, it's like, you know

what I'm talking about, don't you? Yeah,

Yeah, like a private club.

You're talking like a, what is it called?

They got a name for them where you have to be a member

and it's good standing in order to get into the club or something like that.

Yeah, I think they're just called Republican Clubs or something.

That's all.

Dude, I don't fucking know.

You know, what the fuck do I know?

It's just like, it was like this fucking club with like,

and we like go in there and there's like all these like old men

and all the fucking, dude, it was like the Twilight Zone.

I think you were in the VFW actually.

You might not have known about it.

Yeah, yeah, it's the same type of thing.

It's the same deal, dude, but they have this, like, shuffleboard, like, you know, that long shuffleboard thing.

Yeah, what's that all about, huh?

Ah, no, it was fucking, it was great, and we fooled that shit tonight.

Cool.

And, you know, fucking drinks are, like, you know, 25 cents for a beer.

Nice.

I mean, I love that.

I like going to places that have, like, pitcher beers that are nice and cheap, you know what I mean?

Get yourself a pitcher, drink it up.

Yeah, man.

Hell yeah.

I just wanted to mention real quick, Meble, a Meble guy said,

Happy birthday, Carlito, from Golden, Colorado.

Thanks, Golden, Colorado, looking at right here.

The best city in Colorado is Golden.

That's why I wanted to call you, man.

I didn't know.

Is your birthday today?

Yeah, the 20th, Friday.

Today, yeah.

It's officially now.

For me, at least.

I don't know where you live.

Happy birthday, buddy.

Happy birthday, my friend.

Thanks, man.

29.

Looking at the, wow, 29 years old.

Jeez.

How old are you?

Are you younger than me or older than me?

I'm way older than you, my friend.

That's good.

I'm not saying it's good, but I'm just saying I listen.

So, yeah, I've been asking everybody, what are your suggestions for age 29?

now, what do I have to look forward to, anything big happens, you know, it's my last year, my 30s,

oh, my 20s, right, I don't know, I mean, well, have you been, you're getting married soon, right,

yeah, May of next year, I'll be getting married, May 30th of next year, yeah, all right, so then I

guess you really have nothing to look forward to, no, really, it's all over, isn't it, I'm just

kidding, man, no, you get married, five years, you get married, you get the thing, you can like

rabbits, everything's all good, and then it kind of dies off for like a year, and then all of a

sudden, I don't know, you're going to get into all kinds. Do you guys do anal now? No,

a little bit, but it's just not, it's not my cup of tea. I don't know, it's just something

about it. It's just not, it's not clean, you know. You know, they don't talk about it in

the Bible very much. It's the only bad things in the Bible about anal. Yeah, well, you don't

have to go there. I mean, there's other things, too. Do you guys do fruits or, you know,

fruits, vegetables, aerosol cans, all that kind of shit. Aerosol cans? Beer cans? A

A few times I've had a beer can in my ass.

You have had a beer can in your ass?

Yeah, man, I got a wide hole.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Next thing you know, I'm going to be in Ashley Madison about five years from now.

You'll see, man.

Yeah, I'll tell you what.

God damn it.

Are you married?

You're married too, then?

Well, you have kids, don't you?

Yeah, man, I've been married.

Shit, I fell in love with you last week.

I was scared, dude.

He was like...

That's a good thing, man.

So you're living proof that it works out.

It does.

Yeah, it can definitely work out.

But following a thing, it's like, I like to...

Exactly.

I got stuff to do here, all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

But women are the best.

Dude, I've been feeding on her all night, just looking at her drinking that beer.

I've never been with a Dominican girl before.

I never will get a chance, probably, unless something weird happens in my life.

But, you know, something about it.

They got the asses.

Girls.

My mom always said, you know, stay away from Dominicans.

I don't know why.

because she's Puerto Rican, like, hardcore island Puerto Rican, you know,

but I never listened to her.

I never took that seriously, but, yeah,

there's something about those Dominican girls, man.

They got the curves, you know what I mean?

They got the, they look like they can throw it, all those Dominican girls.

They can just throw it in bed, get on top, ride it.

Yeah, I know, I know, I know, man.

Yeah.

I've never had that either, man.

I missed out, dude.

What am I going to do now, you know?

I'm done.

I'm telling you, when you come to Florida, me and you,

we're going to go on town, we're going to go to Miami,

and we're going to have fun.

It's going to be like a diva day.

So we'll go to Vegas.

You know, we should have a syndicated Vegas night.

We should all fly out to Vegas one day, you know what I mean?

Do a show all live together like that and go gambling

and go to, like, the Bunny Ranch or something like that all together.

It would be a great time.

Well, we're going to do that in September, aren't we?

Are we?

Are we really?

There's a trip going on?

There's a trip in September, bro.

Fuck, I just thought I was the one inventing it.

Really?

What's going on?

Tell me about it.

I can't even remember the event, but Chuck's going out there,

psychic shock

of John and

get the scratch

together for a

flight I'll go

man that'd be

cool

if I'm invited

that is

alright cool

you want to do

a prank call

I'm getting

ready to call

this guy

whose girl

has been cheating

on him with a

guy from the

car wash

okay this is a

guy called

Marquis

sounds black

he lives in

Chicago so

obviously probably

African American

what's wrong

with that

his girlfriend's

name is Amber

and she's

cheating on him

with a guy

from the car

wash

are we calling

him or her

we're calling

him

you can say

I'm going to

do most of the prankage. You can jump in if you

feel like it. If not, just sit back

and try not to laugh on the phone.

No, I won't laugh. I'll get in there.

Trust me, most of the times you won't laugh at my pranks,

but hey, we'll do it. No, I always laugh at your pranks.

I love you, Carlito. You can do a good show, and again,

happy birthday, my friend. Hey, oh, thank you, man.

All right, hang on. Don't go anywhere. You're going to hear

a series of clicks and silence, and then we'll

have the next prank on the line.

We're wrapping things up here to Milkman's

Bass. Hang on, everybody. Another prank coming up in just a moment.

Thanks, man. Don't go anywhere. Very cool.

Yeah, man.

Great show.

This guy picks up.

PCS voicemail.

Ah.

I'm going to call the UK.

You want to see how far UK...

You ever called the UK before?

No.

Here we go.

I'm going to call Dick Pohl.

He's in Lincolnshire, England.

Don't go anywhere, man.

All right.

All right, here we go.

Pohl, everybody.

Hello?

Pohl.

Fuck, he fucking hung up already.

Pohl, you there?

No, he hung up.

All right, we're going to call Vera Potter here.

We're running out of gas.

Let's try one more.

This always happens around this time.

We never go past 1 o'clock on this show.

Record I've had is like 1.15.

Potter?

I was hoping, were you awake before I called?

Are you getting ready?

This is Valente, and I'm here on the line with Brucie.

How are you doing?

You've got the wrong number.

No, no, no, we're looking for Vera.

Yeah, Vera.

Hey, sweetie, how are you?

What's it about?

We've detected a problem with your toilet.

Yes, we're with the Water Administration.

Okay, we're with Samsung.

We work in the United States, and on our computer machine here,

it shows there's a possible blockage in your pipes,

and it's affecting the rest of the street.

We wanted to know if you could actually flush your toilet.

It looks like you might have put down a feminine napkin down there.

Go on it.

Yeah, if you could, please.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah, but you need to hold it down when you flush it down.

We want to get a nice, strong flush in there.

You working on that?

Can you take, do you have a phone you can take with you, please?

We hear the strength of the flush.

We want to make sure that it's flushing okay.

I'm sorry, is this a joke or something?

No, ma'am, there's a feminine napkin in the pipes,

and we need you to flush the toilet as strong as you can to clear it.

I've flushed it.

Did you flush a feminine napkin down the toilet?

A what?

Yeah, a feminine napkin.

Vince to the water department

and he has a...

I'm going to try to call her right back.

They don't always pick up the second time.

You never know. Hang on, man. Any second now.

I think she took the phone off the hook.

Yeah, yeah. It's supposed to ring, but it's not.

I think she took the phone off the hook. Let me clear the line.

Yeah, she picked up and hung it right up.

Alright, man. I'm out of here. It's one o'clock in the morning.

Yeah, fuck.

Hey, thanks for calling in, man. Don't be a stranger.

Yeah, man. Hey, dude.

Happy birthday, buddy.

Hey, thank you.

We love you here at the Senate.

Awesome.

I love being here, too, man.

I wouldn't have it any other way, as I say a lot.

You got it.

Peace.

That's G-Wiz, everybody.

G-Wiz-ers.

That was the last call of the night.

I'm going to wrap it up here.

That's okay with everybody.

I wanted to bring up, you know, a lot of talks about Cuba here.

I wanted to bring up here, I don't know if you folks know this.

I don't know if you folks care, even.

But the EU has announced earlier today that they are dropping,

they are dropping their sanctions

on the island of Cuba

the European Union

on Thursday agreed to lift its diplomatic

sanctions against Cuba

but imposed tough conditions on the communist

island to maintain sanction-free relations

officials have said

I'm a big opponent of the

God, 50 year old is it now

embargo the United States has

on the island of Cuba

which I believe is a catastrophe, a failure

an idiotic thing

instituted by Kennedy, John F. Kennedy

signed that into law so long ago

in response to

Fidel Castro

privatizing

the American interest

in the island of Cuba

and kicking out the companies like

United Fruit Company and all the power companies

and all that, they were basically raping

and pillaging from the people of Cuba

and I think it's

retarded to keep

this embargo that we can't

travel to Cuba, spend American dollars in Cuba, import stuff from Cuba.

Our farmers here in the United States lose out on a huge ability to make money

by exporting food products to Cuba.

The people of Cuba themselves suffering, needing medicine, needing supplies for medical reasons,

MRI equipment

radar equipment

x-ray equipment

things of this nature

that they can't get

because you can only

really get it from

the United States

they can get some

stuff from Europe

but the people suffer

and I really am against

and I hate to talk bad

about other Hispanics

and other Latinos

but for the most part

especially here in

Florida and Miami

I hate the fact that

these Cubans

that are here in the

United States

will make their own

people starve

and will make their own people suffer

to continue this whole backhanded attempt

at forcing out the current Castro regime,

which has continued on with Raul Castro.

I think it's a proven fact now,

despite everyone saying that,

oh, when Fidel dies, when Fidel steps down,

everything will be okay,

and the people of Cuba will open up.

No, it's just a way of life.

The Cuban, the people of Cuba want to live as they do.

They want their socialist society.

That's just the way it is.

How did the Berlin Wall fall?

American interests, American culture perforated into the society there.

The people in East Germany, the people in Russia,

McDonald's opened in Russia, things of this nature.

You have to lead by example.

And by not dropping this embargo,

embargo um it's it gives the Castro regime someone to blame for the problems and you know

whenever something bad goes on in Cuba well Castro comes on and said well you know it's

the United States's fault you know we're doing the best we can here um I really dislike those

and for the most part the Cubans who did come early here the people who you know those staunch

conservative Republicans supporting Cubans Cuban Americans for the most part were the people who

who were wealthy under the Batista regime,

and they came, they fled Cuba when the revolution took over

because they knew they were going to get killed,

executed, and imprisoned for all the horrible things they did to their own people.

Saigon says, honest Cubans like Tony Montana.

Good point.

Milkman, do you have something to say?

You're interrupting.

I'm sorry.

Did you have something to say, sir?

Oh, no, no.

I was just reading with you there about the republic, and my comment was.

Yeah, that's right.

Right. That's right. Good, good. And on that note, one last thing I wanted to mention, we have an unfortunate loss.

And I was kind of sad. You know, I wake up on Sunday mornings myself.

My DVR records meet the press, George Stephanopoulos, Chris Matthews.

What's the one on CBS with the old guy who took over for Dan Rather for a while?

Oh, fuck me. I forgot it now.

Anyway, Tim Russert died of a heart attack.

How's T. Smith? Water concrete?

No, no, man. Not that guy.

Anyway, Tim Russert died, unfortunately, last week, a week ago, on Friday.

Yeah, Tim Russert was a great journalist, you know, a huge loss to this country.

I was a big fan of his and of Meet the Press.

Like I said, I like politics, just like another Hispanic on this station, Pedro.

That's the wrong one.

Anyway, this is for Tim Russert here.

Rest in peace, fellow diabetic Tim Russert, fellow fat man like me.

Good night, fat man.

Good night.

Milkman, that's the end of the show.

Take us out of here, my friend.

All right, man.

Well, as you can see, we had a rocking time right here in the madhouse.

The birthday party special for our generalissimo of the madhouse.

Happy birthday, my brother.

I'd like to thank everybody for joining this celebration here.

That's right.

Thank you so much.

All of our friends out there in the chat room there,

got lonesome losers, the hardest working man.

in halls, that's right.

Mr. Nunu, MST3

Clay, Mr. Ted,

Web, Web, Web, Web, Web, all our friends

out there.

Hey man, thanks a lot guys.

Everybody over there in this tent, they got all of our

brothers and sisters and friends over there.

God bless you and thank you so much

for joining in this crazy

party here in the madhouse.

We got a bunch of new listeners over here.

The crazy, well-kept people over here.

Thank you so much for taking part.

Subjecting us to your numbers.

We hope those guys out there love their new episode of Brokeback Mountain.

Also, sweet kisses.

That's right.

That girl, the woman, that's right.

Thank you so much for tuning in.

And I love that song.

Too bad I didn't get that call, Carlito.

I'm jealous, man.

I got a skiffy about that one there.

Sorry, man.

Over to you, my big brother.

Happy birthday to you.

Hi.

Thanks.

You'll get that call, too, from your girl.

Don't worry.

I was waiting for the laugh.

Oh, that's what you're waiting for?

Hang on, let me get that for you.

I wasn't ready for that.

I was setting up the pitch here, yeah.

Oh, thank you.

No, man, really, happy birthday, my big brother.

Can't wait to get together with you for real, man.

We'll cut the cake, smash the bread, and throw some party goods all around.

We'll have a good time.

And I can't wait for our next show, guys.

Don't you dare miss out on this nutty place called the Madhouse.

That's right.

Get your front row seats here in the party room.

Tune in over to your favorite syndicate station.

That's right.

Also right here in the Madhouse.

You got it, baby.

Over to you, big Carlito Hermano.

Generally, tomorrow is Madhouse.

Thank you, Milkman.

As he said, I would like to thank Lonesome Loser, everybody who contributed tonight.

We had a lot of numbers we didn't get to, but thank you, Lonesome, for pumping us with numbers.

Thanks, Nunu, for also sending in the conference call line thing that we did earlier.

Thanks, Zola, for calling in.

Jonathan, the guy from British Columbia, G-Wiz, who else called in?

I don't know.

Everyone who was on cam tonight, except for that one dude, you know what I mean?

And everyone in Syndicate, of course.

That's it, right?

Are we out of here, Milfan?

Can we go?

I think we're out, man.

Yeah.

Thanks to Tuck and Baz and Brandon Vegas.

Tuck, are you still there, man?

Are you awake?

I haven't heard from you in a while.

It's the Tuck, Brandon Vegas.

I hear him.

Thanks for being with me.

Yeah, that's right.

Phil Henry coming up next.

More stimulating talk radio.

That's right.

Hey, good call, Mugwe.

There you go.

Awesome, man.

All right, folks, we'll catch you here next week.

Thanks for listening.

Actually, no, no, no, we'll catch you here Saturday.

Don't forget, we do a Saturday show now, man, 4 to 6 p.m. Eastern.

Hey, man, I'll be in for the Saturday show.

Awesome, 4 to 6.

The special Madhouse Weekend Disaster Master Blaster.

That's the one.

We'll do that then.

The Disaster Master Blaster Saturday show, 4 to 6 p.m. Eastern.

And, of course, we'll be back on Thursday at 10 p.m. next week.

And be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

In the meantime, peace out.

Catch you next week, folks.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (28, 1 h 21 min of 2 h 47 min)

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