June 26th 2008 Episode

Who the fuck is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Who the fuck is this?

Hey, everybody.

What's up?

What's going on, people?

Hey, people.

Madhouse Radio is back.

That's right.

It is I, Carl Luter, your host tonight here with everybody else.

We've got an assembled crew already here ready to go.

Ready to have a good time.

I hope you all are ready to have a good time, too.

If you are ready to have a good time, why don't you type 69 in the chat room?

Yeah.

Hey, he's 69, and all the ladies love that.

And when it reaches here tonight, you can do so.

How do you do that again?

You can call the toll-free line as well as the assembled Madhouse messengers out there,

Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

Again, if you're on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, be sure to check out Madhouse Radio.

Message me on there and send your prank call request or your comments.

Also, if you're using MSN Messenger, be sure to use madhouseatlive.com.

Again, that's madhouseatlive.com for all you MSN Messenger users.

Or just message me here in the chat room.

That works as well.

Toll-free line is open.

That's 1-888-278-8509.

Again, that's 1-888-278-8509.

Milkman does not have Teenspeak installed.

Shame on you, Milkman.

There you go, Milkman.

I just sent it to him.

I don't know if he's listening or not.

He's installing Teenspeak.

Milkman will be here with us shortly.

But for the time being, homeboys are here, of course.

I've got Big Tuck, I've got the Warrior making a long return after a long time, and of course

Brandon Vegas are all in the house, what's up gentlemen, how are you guys doing?

I'm doing pretty good, how are you doing?

Good, good, I just remembered now, I'm not supposed to ask you guys all at the same time

because you end up jumping all over each other, Tuck, how are you doing tonight man, we'll

start with Tuck, the number three spot as usual, Big Tuck, how are you doing my friend?

Tuck is muted, hang on, there you go, now you're audible, Big Tuck, say it again, how

You're unmuted, brother.

You mean everyone missed all my great wisdom that I was spelling in the beginning of the show,

and then missed it all?

Yeah, you just gave out the secret of life.

I don't know what I said, so they just missed it.

Everyone missed the secret to life.

Tuck had it down.

Shit.

Everyone be sure to visit tuckermike.com and check out the Tuck Revolution over there.

Good friend of ours, the artiste of Madhouse Radio.

Thank you, sir, for being here.

And, of course, Brandon Vegas, hailing from Vegas itself, the city of Las Vegas, the city of the Vegases.

How are you doing, Brandon? Are you around?

He usually just chills in here. He doesn't usually say much.

But I'm sure he's around.

I'm here tonight for a little while.

Radio connoisseur, Brandon Vegas.

All right, good. Good to see you here.

And then the warrior, of course.

He tries to make an appearance when he can.

Good friend of ours here on Madhouse Radio.

Good to see you here after such a long time.

How are you doing today, man?

Good, man.

I understand you work at a zoo.

I just found that out.

How do you, what do you do at the zoo?

Do you sell corn dogs?

Yeah, I sell pizzas, hot dogs, you name it.

Nice, nice.

Hey, how about we call the Milkman?

Let's get the Milkman on the line here and see what's going on with him.

For those of you who haven't been to the Madhouse site, be sure to please do that.

That's over at madhouselive.com.

We have forums up there.

We're testing out a new phone setup tonight.

Please enjoy this call tone while we connect you.

And hopefully the sound is good tonight.

So, mate, let us know if you hear anything.

This should be an improvement.

It's going to be a lot cheaper.

And, hello, Milkman, what's up, bro?

You know, I'm adding the coordinates now.

I had to do a reformat on my PC, and I took a shit.

The empty loader disappeared, and I didn't have time to figure it out,

so I just went ahead and formatted.

I'm adding the server now.

All right, good, good.

We'll work on that.

Sure, so I'll be glad.

We'll give you to do that, all right?

And just do it right now.

So soon.

Awesome.

That's the Milkman, everybody.

We're excited to hear from him, aren't we?

Yes, we are.

Hey, he's not like crap, dude.

Tech guy.

He sure does have a lot of PC problems.

problems was that breaking up for real are you serious don't say that the phone sounded bad oh

shit don't say that man that sucks kokanee uh brandon wants you to get in the chat room i'm

gonna say what's up to everybody in the chat room what's up people a lot of you in there over at

the syndicate radio.tv all our homeboys our flagship station syndicate radio where of course

are also on 98.6 the mouth 98.6 the mouth over at 98.6 the mouth.com be sure to visit uh those

Those folks over there at 98.6mop.com.

They want to make a grand announcement here.

Tuck, if you could please shut the music off here for a moment, if you don't mind, sir.

Remember how to do that?

There you go.

Thank you, Tuck.

All right.

Breaking news here.

Great announcement here.

The podcast has finally broken the 200 subscriber number mark for the first time ever.

That's awesome news.

We have 200 people who listen to our podcast on a weekly...

What's up, Milkman?

Milkman finally made it.

Milkman, I just announced.

We have 200 subscribers to the podcast now.

The Madhouse Radio Podcast is...

That's what I'm talking about, man.

That's what I'm saying.

That's people out there that got some real taste, man.

So all you listening to us either, you know, on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or Monday,

or whenever it is you listen to us at home, at work, in your car, on your iPod,

when you're working out, when you're stalking your ex-girlfriend,

be sure to check us out, you know, live.

You know, we stream live here on Syndicate.

You can watch me, my sexy Puerto Rican self, and my sailor hat, and whatever.

You know, I've got to light a cigar, folks.

As a matter of fact, I want to show you one of my other birthday presents that I got.

I got a humidor, man.

Milkman, check it out.

I've got a brand new humidor here, and it humidifies my cigars with humidity right there.

I'm going to smoke it.

It's a great gift idea for any smokers out there.

Get them a humidor, man.

Athena got me that.

It was an early birthday present I didn't put into use until now, so there we go.

So here's to the podcast, and everyone be sure to subscribe to the podcast.

Be sure to subscribe to the podcast if you have not yet.

Do that over there at madhouselive.com.

For the time being, we are going to do some prank calls.

Now, Lonesome Loser is nowhere to be seen, as we've said already, Milkman.

I know you missed that part of the whole thing.

Man, where's my brother?

I know.

I don't know.

Maybe he's busy.

I saw Lonesome Loser has a MySpace page, too.

Everybody be sure to check that out.

Look at that.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, man.

He's moving up.

He's becoming a little more sociable, that guy.

He's on a social networking website now.

All right.

But that's where we have everyone sending your numbers.

Now, Zeb to Zeb, this guy here, he's a long-time listener to the show.

He's sent in numbers in the past out of chat, like, you know, webcam chat rooms and stuff like that.

I think he baits.

He baits people in webcam chats.

And he's, I don't know if you remember one of the calls that we did to that kid, you know, children who break up marriages.

That was one of his.

is and he sent in a number for a girl calling herself horny girl said come on hot guys call

me in a porno webcam chat and the girl on cam was named sex symbol and i gave it the other number

here and she sounded hot uh wow really that's probably probably a cop man to be honest with you

i don't think any real women do that anymore whatever happened to yahoo chat man you remember

when yahoo chat used to be the shit what happened to yahoo chat i heard it's just like bots and

arabs in there now what's that about huh saigon is making a call yeah man a bunch of sex like

come see my sex cam things there's no people there yeah on their website yeah they just want

you to put your credit card everybody um saigon is making a good call for beer number three here

in the madhouse let me open up that right now beer number three right here everybody the official

beer number three of the night is natural light that's all i can afford so everybody out there

even if you're on beer number one let's just consider beer number three lonesome loser is

just checking in to save the day all right lonesome loser mr myspace himself

i got keystone keystone natural light milkman can't drink he's at work he probably drinks anyway

i'm drinking milkman oh nasty disgusting stuff you know what i started doing i eliminated milk

from the house i'm just buying powdered milk now because the only reason we buy milk in this house

is for the occasional mashed potatoes and more than likely i put milk in my coffee and you know

know i would buy a half gallon of milk and it'd just go bad after four or five days and it had

this you know disgusting thing in there had to throw it out it's just a big mess uh or i'd

accidentally drink it yogurt man yeah oh no hell no man you know what the worst is that a few times

what happened to me was i would uh i would uh make my coffee and i would get to the bottom of it and

they all had the sludgy stuff on the bottom and i realized that was all the curds oh and after i

drank the whole cup of coffee oh man that's it oh yeah so i'm just so i finally you know what i

I made an investment.

I bought myself a box of powdered milk, and all I do is I pour a little bit of that in my coffee instead of creamer.

Good to go.

Who needs milk when you got powdered milk, man?

Instant milk.

There's nothing better than milk.

You know what?

It's really good for really good mashed taters.

What's that?

You dry it on your own?

No, no, no, no.

Carnation milk.

Carnation milk?

That stuff is really thick.

I hear you, man.

You know what I use carnation milk for?

It's evaporated milk, but it tastes...

And, man, the best coquito that you make is with carnation milk, man.

Christmas time for us Puerto Ricans, coquito.

If you guys don't know what it is, go ahead and Google it.

Go to coquito.com.

Is there coquito.com?

If there isn't, I should get it.

If there isn't an adobo.com, I want to buy that.

Adobo, best condiment in the world.

I put it on everything, man.

I put it on my milk.

All that stuff, man.

Yeah.

If you don't know what adobo is, man, you are missing out.

It is the king of seasoning.

You have to have a little bit of food with your adobo.

Yeah, exactly.

It's going to have a little bit of meat with your adobo, everybody.

Take that tip from me.

Let's do a quick news story here while Lonesome Lizard starts confirming up

and everyone gets settled in.

Again, this is Madhouse Radio for June the 26th.

Thursday, June the 26th.

It's 1021 p.m.

We are in full force here, everybody.

Let's do a quick listener count.

We've got 13 people on the stream, 56, 57 people and counting on Syndicate Radio.

So that's a pretty good number.

We've got a good 60, 70 listeners right now.

Awesome.

Good deal.

okay thanks everybody and uh in a little bit we'll be giving out some yeah and a little bit we'll be

doing some more shout outs but for the time being let's go ahead and i get to a quick news article

here um which is the one that i want to talk about here we go here we go here we go most

important one guess who died you all know who died milkman i know you know for sure who died

sad story sad news i was taken back terrible loss yeah man i was not the ultimate philosophers on

the human condition yeah you think so who is in the human condition this guy george carlin dead

everybody. You know, I was a big fan

of his Fox show.

I don't know if anybody ever caught his Fox

show in 92, 93.

He had the George Carlin show. I loved that

show. It was very underrated.

Oh, it's such an underrated sitcom,

man. That was a great sitcom.

If you guys... Is that on DVD?

You gotta look for that, man.

I'm sure if it's not...

You know what?

That's...

Matter of fact, right now, let me go over to

Netflix right now. I'm gonna go to

my Netflix account

open that up

and let me see

if the George Carlin show

from Fox

is on there

on DVD

I want to get that

those are awesome

I'm sure if it is

it's not going to be

available for a while now

you know

it was called

George Carlin

yeah it was called

the George Carlin show

I remember that

let's look for

George

I'll probably get

all his movies

he wasn't in a lot of movies

though

I don't think so

George

yeah

I don't know

was he

he was in

Dogma

he was in dogma and he was uh he was in a lot of the kevin smith movies kevin smith

well was a big fan of his i did a lot of work together well and ted he was in that one that's

right he was the dude in bill and ted great movies right there too remember his character name what

was it a felix remember his character name was it was it felix what was it remember anybody in the

chat room how about you syndicate guys earlier y'all pretty uh up in the street crowd there let's

see if anybody can figure it out and get a it was a funky name it was like it was like it was

It was like a silly name.

What was it again?

Anybody?

Goldstar.

I remember, yeah.

You do?

Well, tell us, man.

Or you want to make a Goldstar thing out of it?

I'll give you a Goldstar now, Mugman, if you tell me what it is.

Oh, let's make a Goldstar thing out of it.

Okay.

If not, I'll reveal it here in a little bit.

I had a pet dog, man.

A guy I used to know.

Rufus.

Brent the Staint.

Got it right.

Rufus.

That's who it was.

Good deal.

That's who it was.

Where's my ding at?

Good job.

Good job, man.

There you go.

Goldstar for you, man.

You get free.

The Marathon.

Yeah.

That's a lot of people.

Yeah.

Well, five madhouse dollars for Brent's taint over there.

Brent, why?

What's with those anyway?

Okay.

Anywho, so folks, I'm going to light my cigar here real quick.

And apparently Netflix doesn't care, so I guess that's not on DVD.

That's a shame.

Well, it should be.

I bet you it will be soon.

But yeah, rest in peace, 71-year-old George Carlin died of a heart attack.

That's where I'm headed.

Get ready for that show.

That's going to be fun.

Also, hey, this...

Stogie, Stogie.

I want to talk about here real quick.

Quick, this guy here is balls.

And Portsmouth, I don't know where Portsmouth, what state it's in,

but on Tuesday there was a trial.

Portsmouth is in Virginia.

Well, I mean, it sounds like a Massachusetts town.

Anyway, here in this.

There is one.

There is one there, and there's also one.

Well, he's a Rochester man, so maybe this is Rochester, Virginia, right?

I guess it is.

Okay, anyway, anyway, anyway.

So the guy, he got caught.

He was taking a whiz.

Excuse me, outside of the Bowlerama bowling alley.

and he was relieving himself.

An officer named Aaron Stacey testified

he saw him and another man urinating

next to a pair of sport utility vehicles

and upon closer inspection

saw two fresh puddles of urine flowing.

So he was on trial this week

on Tuesday morning

and the guy represented himself

and he fired a colorful line of questions

at the officer including

did you see me take my thing out and urinate

and did you test DNA to see if it was my urine.

I mean, straight up, balls to the wall, just called out the officer right there.

The officer testified he did not test DNA from the urine puddle.

And then the guy said to the cop, swear on the Bible and say it was Mr. Hoop's urine.

Hoop shouted at the officer during the June 24 trial when the judge ordered him to take a deep breath and promised the verdict would be forthcoming.

He straight up told the cop, swear on the Bible, that it was my piss.

That you can't see fucking shit.

That's balls right.

He represented himself like the fucking The Firm over there, man.

What's that?

Huh?

huh, like fucking, what's that movie with Tom Cruise, and the guy, and he said the code red,

and I didn't do the code red, yeah, you did the code red, you're goddamn right, I did,

Jerry Maguire, gotcha, no, not Jerry Maguire, the other one, where they're in Cuba, or something

like that, you know what I'm saying, who ordered the code red, you ordered the code red, no, I

didn't, yeah, I did, no, you didn't, yeah, you did, no, yes, I did, I gotcha, that's a great

movie right there, what's that called, fuck, it was, it was, wasn't that, was that The Firm,

What movie is that?

A Few Good Men.

Thank you, Clayton.

You get a gold star.

Five man house dollar for Clayton.

Yeah, The Firm.

Awesome.

The Firm.

The Firm was another one, though, where some shit happened.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, babies.

That was that group that Jimmy Page was in for a little while.

Was it?

Okay.

Hey, hey.

Goodbye.

Okay, folks, I have a question.

I don't know if this happens all over the country, but here in Florida for like the

last ten years, I've never asked anybody about this.

A lot of people on their cars, they have a little sticker.

And it's like a barcode.

It's like a square-shaped sticker that they put on their windows and their windshields,

and it's a barcode.

And I think it's a scan check on it.

And I see a lot of people around with it, and I don't know what it means.

Is it a Christian thing?

Is it a sign of the beast thing, an apocalypse sign thing?

Is it like one of the Darwin fish or the Jesus fish things?

Does anybody know what that is out here?

Someone tell me.

Am I the only one who's noticed this?

Those easy pass toll road things?

Is it? No.

Are they really?

It's like a scan.

I think it's a parking pass.

But they're all the same.

Parking pass.

Really?

I don't know.

They're like triangle shaped.

And they're like a little scan-tron looking thing.

Like a UPC barcode thing.

And I don't know if it's like a joke or something,

but I see them all the time.

Brent the Taint says he sees them in Tampa all the time.

So maybe it's a Florida thing.

I'm in Orlando.

Maybe that's what it is.

Sidekick Chuck has a barcode under his balls.

All right, cool, man.

Whatever.

That's what you get for renting balls out.

Okay, so we got more news stories coming up later.

That's it for news for now.

Let's do some pranks for the time being.

I'm excited about that.

Look, man, are you going to be sending in numbers today for your friends?

Is that going on tonight?

I'll call some of them people, yeah.

Good, good.

Give me more, folks.

I got to light my cigar.

Look, man, entertain the people.

If you haven't noticed lately,

the show has been laying off the stogies but he's back in full force and believe it brilliant milkman

brilliant all right folks here's the numbers we got tonight we got herfy's burger herfy's burger

whoa herfy that sounds like a racist what's a herfy brown bag burger this didn't light right

bitch uh king chicken wing and that one i don't think i want that isn't that what that that that

blue raft guy uh what was his name sir and he just had herps on the lips after going down on that

That hoe on the camera.

Adam the Erlander.

You know, Zolar has a little story behind that.

Does he?

Yeah.

Zolar has a story behind that.

And he does have some available video, too, man.

You know, maybe he'll share that with the listeners sometime in the future if you remember

to read.

I'm sure if we ask Nancy, Zolar will.

Where is Zolar tonight?

I don't know.

He came to Vegas to celebrate his 21st birthday.

So, he wants to meet me, but I'm not meeting him.

Who is that?

Zolar is coming?

He's in Vegas?

No.

Prank Master's in Vegas?

Well, Prank Master came to Vegas.

Ew.

I don't know if he's here now, but he wanted to meet me because he's 21 now.

Oh, boy.

That guy's 21?

That's something.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

What was he doing in Vegas, that dork?

For real, what was Prankmas doing in Vegas?

I'm at the end.

How did he get...

Are there any lakes in Vegas?

He probably went to, like, Havasu or something.

We got the NBA casino.

We got chocolate.

We got chocolate kisses here instead of chips.

Saigon says he went to the Philippines.

I sure ate all the chips.

That'd be funny if he went to, like, what's that country in the...

In Indonesia, where all the pedophiles go to?

Saipan?

No, not Saipan.

Thailand.

Thailand, yeah.

Where they had the tsunami.

That's the one.

Claven's got it right.

Dude, two gold stars for Claven fucking on ten manhouse dogs for Claven tonight, man.

On fire, Milkman.

You're losing by one gold star.

You too.

You're hitting it.

All right.

We're going to call Caesar Chicken, Inc.

This is in Hayward, California, everybody.

The first prank call of the night.

It's coming right up.

What color is chicken in?

Is it red or is it yellow?

Caesar's chicken.

How are you?

You guys victorious tonight?

Awesome.

I would like a victorious dinner myself.

I just got back from battling the barbarians.

Only Caesar can satisfy me.

Is Caesar there?

Caesar, not yet.

Not yet?

When is he coming?

Not here yet.

What time does he come in?

This is brutish.

He comes at about five.

What time is it now?

So I missed him by two hours?

Yep.

You know what was going to happen, right?

Nope.

Me and the rest of the Senate were going to come in

Pull down his toga and give him like an atomic wedgie

And stab him in the back right in the floor

And he's going to be like

You too Brutus

I said motherfucker right

The chicken shoved it right up his ass and went

Alright

You got your pen machine ready man

Alright write this down

I want you to say I am somebody first line

Under that you're going to have a long underline

Weak sauce prank call right there sorry folks

Starting right on track here at Madhouse Radio as always

What was that? What was the game show where they go going once, going twice, no sale?

What was that? I don't remember.

Reklude's on here. Hey, Reklude.

Rek Machine, what's up, man?

What's up, bro?

How you doing, bro? You know what I noticed?

What?

I saw you pick first time on MySpace, man.

Yeah, you got like a... Was that on purpose or is that your hair?

Well, you tell me.

Are you okay? You sound really soft up more than usual.

My new Macintosh.

Wow, you got a Macintosh?

Yeah, beast-ass computer, dude.

What?

We got it specifically for, like, doing video.

Oh, you're doing video now?

Yeah, I do video coming out with my band and shit, and it looks like...

Cool.

Is that good?

Ass isn't good, or ass isn't good?

No, it's got to...

I mean, I got to fix that shit hardcore.

Okay, good, good.

You got a website down yet, or what's going on with that?

It's going to be long.

We went to the...

Like, they had a soft the other day, basically, where they gave it to friends and family members

and had them go on it.

It's ready, either.

Okay.

It's pretty good.

I mean, it's a high-budget Flash site.

It'd be crazy, but, you know, there's...

I just

I fucking grilled

Those sons of bitches

Yeah

Fucking programmers

I was like

Dude

Send me some fucking music

When it's ready man

We'll play it here on the show

Shit it's

The album's done

Yeah

Yeah we'll send

Yeah send me some MP3s

I'll pay

I'll throw some money

You know a little bit

Yeah you know

Alright alright

Support it

You want to buy

How do you get

I should put my CD in iTunes

You got to be like

Signed with a label

To do that

Or can you do that

On your own

No you know what it is

It's very simple

You go on

Tim.com

Then

We go on there

And you sign up

And you just put

You can upload an album

Then it'll appear

On iTunes

It's like two weeks

It takes

Shit I've got some

Bullshit electronic album

On there

Okay

I just did it

Because they had free software

Given away

So fuck it

So dude like the songs

Are like 30 seconds long

I just put some

Bullshit up there

That's cool

People are actually

Buying it slowly

I didn't even

Really

I sold like 10 songs

Or some shit

I'm dead

I'm gonna put my pranks

Off my CD up there man

99 cents a pop

Hell yeah

Yeah fuck it

You get like 60%

Or something

Yeah

Which is

let me see if it's up there i'll do that what else has been going on while you do that man

shit i'm fucking fucking up fucking up dude that's whatever y'all at the i had to fucking

yell at the fucking the studio owner's wife today she's being a fucking idiot oh really i love doing

it dude and she's gonna come in every time that happens i like i you know i talk to dude i'm like

dude man like we need to have a meeting yeah that's a meeting i just like fucking obliterate

her fuck you make her look i just fuck with her emotions just play with it just get her all pissed

to stop.

It's always

fun times.

Whatever.

I mean,

all the time,

whatever.

Have you ever

had Budweiser?

The Warrior's

talking about

Budweiser.

I've had it.

I didn't think

it was that bad.

He doesn't like it.

Do you drink

beer at all,

Reclute?

Or are you

more of an

alcohol,

like a liquor guy?

Yeah,

I like partial

vodkas,

but yeah,

I'll drink.

Frank Messer

turned 21 years

old recently.

You hear about

that?

He was in

Vegas partying

it up.

That would

have been

good.

Man,

have we

known what

hotel he was

Was that we could have fucked with him big time?

Oh, God, I'm sure that was a fucking fail.

What, oh, yeah.

What do you do, eat out a prostitute?

Yeah, exactly.

What do you think he really did, you know?

What do you think he was doing in Vegas?

Went to a strip club and two girls talked to him,

so he had a fucking great time.

Yeah, he's, like, in love with them,

and he spent 300 bucks on them

and waited for them outside

till, like, four in the morning to come out.

What, who?

No, I'm just saying, that'd be funny.

You ever, I had a guy, this dude that I knew,

and he went to a strip club.

He was, like, 21.

And the first thing, he went to a strip club

the night of his 21st birthday, and I'm there with him, and, you know, he, this is a guy

who never wasted money, blew $300 on his one, on his one chick, this one bride who kept

hanging out with him, and I'm like, he's like, he's like, Carlos, man, she's the one, she's

the one, and I'm like, wait a minute, I'm like, listen, Mark, okay, she's, she's talking

to you because you keep feeding her money and buying her drinks, he's like, no, we gotta

wait for her to come out, because we gotta wait for her to come out, man, let's wait

in your car, I'm like, fuck that, I'm not waiting, man, sure enough, he made me sit

And wait for her to come out

A bouncer came out with her

And like was gonna call the cops

And I'm like

You see I told you

He was like heartbroken

And shit

He was like

Oh you know

I thought we had a connection

Yeah I'll tell you

It was up in

It was up in Cleveland

Kind of bad

A little bit

West

Dude we used to go to this

Because I dated

Dude I dated a stripper

And I was like

Fuck

Damn

And all my friends were like

What the fuck

I was like

I got

She was all

She got all weird though dude

I get the shit

that was some fun.

All I got to say, I was having some fun time.

She used to work over there and shit.

But there was one day I went over to the same place.

I used to go there.

It was all right.

We'd just go, you know, blow some fucking money, have a few laughs, you know, whatever.

So I went over there, and this one guy did the same thing.

He's like, yeah, let's wait up for her.

I was like, dude, I was like, whatever.

I wanted to see him get fucking shut down, though.

Oh, yeah.

So I stayed around, and I was like, I didn't say anything.

And, of course, like, you almost tried, dude.

Like, girl's mom came and picked her up.

Like, it was such a degenerate fucking strip club.

Her mom came to pick her up.

Yeah, and then she, it had to be her mom, it looked exactly, I mean, it just, that's

what it looked like, some older lady, after getting in the car, it just looked like her

mom or whatever, and then, and then she's like, and he comes, he climbs out of the car

and almost falls, and she just runs, they just, like, speed off, she, like, jumps in

the car, and, like, she's about to get attacked, but, dude, people fall in love with strippers,

dude.

Yeah, because they know you're, you know, you're a paycheck for them, that's all it

is, man, they'll, yeah, she kept hanging her eyes, oh, you want another drink, and

like eight bucks a drink there for like a small ass drink so oh yeah oh yeah because you get there

and like they haggle you to buy drinks so you're gonna buy at least two fucking drinks or something

you know like oh you got two drink minimum kind of thing oh yeah of course yeah such a bunch of

sleazy fucking places there's always like the bum bags running them right okay hey hey let me give

you some numbers that we got here to do all right all right we're jumping right to the pranks tonight

i got some convenience stores i got a circle k i got chicken hut uh screws see what else we got

Got anything in particular you're looking for?

Got a pizza, got a few pizza places here.

What time?

It's Thursday.

Thursday, yeah.

Okay, yeah, I'm out of it, dude.

What time is it?

It's Thursday, that's right, yeah.

Fucking like 10 something.

It's 1042 Eastern, yeah.

All right, so Eastern.

Western, it's about what?

742.

Fuck it, dude.

Let's call Western because then we can get some more businesses.

To fuck around.

Like, if we got any out there.

I mean, that's just because the thing is, it's like right now, we can fuck with people.

As long as they're there

It doesn't matter

But

Like restaurants are great

Dude

Like

They're good to fuck with

So you start bitching about shit

How about Scooters Burgers

In Seattle

It's 742 over there

How about some

Richie Randall

I haven't heard from him

In a while man

Richie Randall

Yeah I pranked somebody

The other day

It was Richie Randall

Just like

Somebody pissed me off

At a copy shop

So I call him

A little scene-ster faggot

Someone's gonna rub his face

In the fucking lot

What is with you

You're like

You're like attacking

Kinko's and Triad

And all that dude

That Kinko's call is funny

with a black dude

and he's like

yo motherfucker

bitch cool

and he's like

oh

but you get

gays and shit

they're paying me

to do a whole album

and like I started

pranking

they're actually

like fucking

paying me now

do pranks

like

that's cool

like four of them

are gonna be on the album

oh okay

that's cool

awesome man

you're gonna be

published now man

yeah it's

fucking A

it's just like

they're good calls

it was that one

the strip club

where I was like

come on

that shit

Breaking up ones and shit, yeah.

Four different characters.

Awesome.

All right, hey, I'm going to call the burger place and hang on the line, okay, man?

All right.

All right, dude, hang on, everybody.

Reckless with a prank call.

We're moving in, we're moving out.

Why the fuck ain't this playing and shit?

Yo, man, y'all breaking off ones down there or what?

Are we what?

Y'all breaking down ones down there and shit, man.

I'm about to give me some money down there.

Listen, I got a plan and shit, man.

What's the best color copy you have down there?

We only have one type of color copier here.

You know what I'm saying?

What about printing out shit and saying,

I'll get a high-quality scan to you, you know what I mean?

Well, the color copiers won't copy money.

What are you trying to accuse me of?

Account offending or something, boy?

Seriously.

That shit ain't funny at all.

You know what?

Maybe you should call another store then.

What, are you trying to be a punk-ass bitch or something?

Sure.

Man, shit.

You go to jail, you white motherfucker.

Motherfucker, honky ass motherfucker, I should come down here right now and copy your ass right on that shit.

Okay, come on down.

500 pages in color, motherfucker.

Shit, I bet you got glasses too, motherfucker.

Mm-hmm.

Bet you go to school and shit.

Let's do one of them calls with the lower voice.

This one's too late now.

Heard that.

White lady over there.

Cane on the mouth, everybody.

System.

Leave it on, leave it on.

No, it's too late, I hung up on it.

Oh, god damn it.

I know, all right, I got an ice cream shop in Vegas.

What the fuck?

Dude, hold on a second.

What the fuck was that?

System.

Yeah, yeah.

You want to call an ice cream shop?

That's the best answer.

Hey, speaking of prank messages, let's call the Dryers Grand Ice Cream in Vegas.

Tell me.

All right.

We could do the whole prank message saying, hey, we got a report of a pedophile hanging

out here or something.

I don't know.

Maybe something stupid like that.

Oh, there you go.

There you go.

See the 90 already.

Cool, cool.

All right.

I'm a private investigator.

No, I'm going to do a different voice.

You want to do the deep voice?

We're gonna do some kind of like, uh, New York City, and we're trying to trick.

Ah, fuck it.

Who knows?

Let's see if it works, though.

We've been seeing this kid.

He's been hanging around, possibly.

Trying to track him down by the day trip out there, you know.

It ain't no pleasure trip.

Let's try it.

Let's see where it goes.

Hang on, kids.

Fucking hot.

Yeah.

Brickle is fucking out of it tonight.

Oh, boy.

That's fucking great.

He's like our Sam Kinison.

City, we're looking on you.

I ain't seen anybody vicious out there.

Yeah, you've seen some guy, he's like kind of a little overweight, he's got a little bit of hearing aids, and he's been walking around there.

You know, a lot of children go there.

Some guy hanging out, I just want to see.

You know, we do pay leads to the arrest to give you a cash award.

No, this is, I mean, it's a very important legal matter.

We need to catch this guy, he's on the run.

See, I'm from New York, he's from like upstate New York, you know, so they hired me.

We're chasing him around the country.

He was over in Miami for a little bit.

I think he flew over out west in Vegas, that's the last stop of them.

supposedly, I've been putting, you know, things out.

It's been wildly popular.

Have you seen this on television?

I did.

Okay.

I saw this.

It's a good movie.

I've seen it.

Yeah, this guy, and I'll tell you,

especially he likes to hang around little Asians.

Because he likes...

Yeah, but I mean, seriously, you see him.

I mean, little Asian girls, you know,

he's hit about five up in New York

and then one down south in Florida

by New Orleans right there.

And I guess he's, like, skipped out west.

So definitely

What we're gonna do

Is we're gonna send you

A picture

He said

It's this business

And there's like

A couple business

Isn't there a restaurant

Right by you

Isn't there a restaurant

Like right next to you guys

Right close to you guys

There's so many restaurants

Yeah exactly

That's what I'm talking about

So we've seen them

Around there too

Oh yeah

So what's your name

Eric

Hey how you doing

Yeah what's

See I'm staying

At the Palms over there

I'm down there in a week

How'd I come

Okay

What'd you do that for

She's like

Okay thank you

Thank you

Oh my god

What the fuck

Was that about

Okay

Her name's Erica too

What the fuck is that shit

Bullshit

It's like

Erica's hot

She's like

Oh you called me Erica

Bullshit

She's either

Hispanic or fucking Indian

No she was Indian

I know my people

That ain't Hispanic

That's Indian

That's dot head Indian man

Oh is it

Fuck that shit

You don't need dot head to Erica

Yeah she's a pseudonym

Pseudonym

Dude I'm almost out of

Spoof card juice

I'm gonna have to pick up

My credit card here

In a second

So I can buy one

I think I got some

Time left

Let me just...

Fuck.

Send me the...

Let me see.

I'm on this goddamn new Mac, so I have to fucking...

I got you on G...

Are you on Gmail right now?

G-Talk, yeah.

Hell yeah, I am.

Yeah, I've been talking on that.

Yeah, okay, can't...

Oh, sweet.

Okay, let's...

I'm about to sign in right now.

Cool.

Do it.

I'll send you this shit once...

Yeah, because we were making calls the other day, and...

But I don't think...

Use iCheck.

Go ahead.

All right, connecting.

Fucking buddies.

Yeah, there you are.

There you are, buddy.

Hey, buddy, buddy.

So, let me do some cut and paste.

Cool.

How much you got, Led?

You got...

Let me refresh my page here, see how many minutes I got.

I had 20 when I started the show.

I usually go through, I usually go through, like, 60 minutes in a show, I think.

Let me see what I got.

Boop, boop, boop.

See, the Saturday show, I don't know, have you, I don't know, you know I was doing a

Saturday show.

I might stop doing it, because I, it's just, I don't know, it's just, you know, I think

I'm already burnt out as it is from, like, the Thursday night show still, you know?

I put a lot of effort into it.

Yeah, you know.

Well, yeah, I mean, it's like, you know, it's too much, too much, you know, just fucking

focus on something.

Yeah, I'm goddamn screwed with this fucking gay-ass shit.

Yeah, you're gay-ass shit.

Here we go, here we go, all right.

I got 13, let's burn mine out first.

I got 13 left, and you send me that as a standby.

I think we'll be okay.

Okay.

All right, all right, we'll be okay.

Yeah, go ahead, buddy.

We got stuff to do, don't worry, kids.

Oh, we got the India Palace in New Mexico.

And I got Himalayan cuisine, also, Indian guy.

So we got Indian restaurants here.

Indian restaurants, all right, let's see here.

Also, I got a frozen yogurt place that just came in,

and the convenience shop here.

You stopped convenience shop in NE, Nebraska.

Yeah, let's do that.

All right, let's do that.

A guy named Ron answered at 1040.

Yeah, Milkman, what's up, my brother?

What do you got?

I thought I was on mute, man.

Ask and see if we could do a Bruno Vega.

Bruno Vega call from Milkman is asking for it.

Yeah, for those of you who are not familiar with Bruno Vega.

Well, think about it.

Think about it.

Reclude if you can, you know.

You know how Milkman...

All right, Bruno.

We'll do the next one.

We got to think about it.

Yeah, this one.

Well, which one are you going to do?

The convenience store you said, right?

The gas station.

Convenience shop.

Yes.

All right.

You're on G-Talk, right?

Let me send you that shit right now.

I forgot.

I'm supposed to send you the shit.

I fucking forgot my goddamn fucking password.

There you go.

I sent you a message now with it.

Don't worry about that for now.

We're good.

We got 13 minutes left, and I can recharge it, my friend.

Don't worry about it.

We're good.

Yeah, I got it.

Don't worry about it, Armando.

He's a good baby.

He's not a bitch, but I need to know it.

It happens.

It doesn't even have like a fucking password.

white lady try snow yeah the u-stop convenience shop in lincoln any calling you stop gonna help

you yeah how you doing woman i'm just trying to go down there somewhere somebody told me

you guys have those they're like uh yellow jackets down there i don't all we have

We have a little speed boost or something.

We have a little energy drink.

Oh, yeah, well.

We have an energy spray.

Spray?

Hey, what's up with that?

You're going to spray me down?

Oh, it's right under your tongue.

You help me try it out, too.

I don't have any of the energy.

I think you have to try, like, I think Cabredlo's carries them.

Cabredlo's?

Yeah, Cabredlo's or however they say it.

I know that.

Cigarette place.

Yeah, one of those.

Are you still open?

Oh, they close.

Oh, that was a fat off.

She was too nice.

That's what it was.

Well, yeah, I mean, I was going to start getting all perverted on her,

but I'm just fucking out of it.

I'm really slow reaction.

Cool.

Let's call somebody to just be an asshole.

All right, I'm going to call the India Palace,

and we're both going to be assholes to the Indian guy there,

because you know what?

They're fucking Indians.

I thought they were fucking Indians.

Palace, everybody.

Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Only gays.

I want to give a big thank you to everybody listening tonight.

We've got 122 listeners counting right now.

Thanks, everybody, over at Syndicate.

Ooh!

I'm just so kidding.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Hey, Joe's in the house.

There's some losers here now.

Son of a bitch.

I need to tell you something.

I just went down there.

Can you hear me?

You know, the what is you guys, you guys have given me?

Shit you slop on my plate for one bit.

You guys sell the mango lassi.

Well, that's, yeah, I seen that guy.

He's rubbing that.

I don't know what it was.

Short guy.

You know, I just, I spent a lot of money there.

I tried to.

Well, just that time, you know, and I just, I think I deserve to be treated.

with bruce you said if something i mean anything in mango lassi okay you call me a lie i know no

one's supposed to i mean you call me a liar i saw some guy rub some goddamn green shit

what's that things i'm saying like we are not supposed no i understand that i mean i've had

mango lie it's not the first time i had one of those you know i have them all over the world

i know what i know what a mango lassi is i'm just saying like people are rubbing like little

leaves in it it looks like you guys use but i'll tell you what it wasn't no sugar or mango

You know what I'm saying, you know what I'm saying, I think, I think maybe your sister was involved with somebody, something like, some guy, I thought he said something about that.

You gotta get, I mean, what's, you're not, you know what I'm saying, you gotta do something about it, seriously, you gotta do something, don't leave me hanging with all this, you know what I'm saying, I mean, I pay good money, I, you just throw this, I can let the owner know, the one who can mention about this.

How late are you open tonight?

20 miles.

Right now, we're going to have the green stuff.

How many employees you got working?

We have 20.

Are there any short guys involved?

Any mango lassies tonight?

Maybe it wasn't a guy making.

I just saw some guy rubbing his hands in there, little leaves and stuff.

One for one second, sir.

Yeah, go ahead.

I'm not trying to hang on either.

I think I'm not, like, fine.

Let me clear it.

I'm going to do another one.

I've got to go grab the credit.

Don't go anywhere.

We're going to play something.

Don't go anywhere.

I've got to recharge the card, all right?

All right.

Everybody, we've got a request here for the Hassan Market.

Well, not a Hassan Market.

mentioned Hassan Mark. You know Hassan Mark, right, Reclude?

Classic prank.

Hassan Mark, you never heard those Hassan Mark calls from back in the day?

No.

The original Indian, you know, you sold me a fucking sandwich, it's fucking green, you motherfucker.

You don't remember that?

Oh, that's classic, dude. How can you not remember that?

All right, hang on, everybody, listen to this.

I'm going to be right back with some more prank calls from Reclude.

Don't go anywhere, my friend.

Hi, this is Jerry Remy from the San Francisco Health Department.

Yes.

How you doing? May I speak with the manager or owner, please?

Well, the manager's not here right now. He's off today, Sunday.

Okay, because we've been getting complaints that you've been selling bad sandwiches and harassing customers about it.

What is it?

This is Jerry Remy from the San Francisco Health Department.

You know, sir, you should, you know, who the person complained.

I never seen that person and he's been bothering me for the past six months.

He says that you call him.

No, I never call him. He call me.

He says that you sell bad sandwiches and they're always green

and you call him, harass him and his family.

Oh, yeah?

That's a pretty serious accusation.

Okay, you have his phone number?

I can't really get that information out, sir.

Okay.

The one is, I think you're the person complaining.

You just want to try to...

Man, this isn't the good...

Fucking Christ.

That's not the good one.

Let me play the good one here real quick.

This is the first one.

Yeah, I'm marking from you, the fucking thing's green.

Two days ago.

I'm laying in my fucking bed.

I got shit all over the place.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

So you gonna pay me back for the sandwich or what?

Well, how long ago?

Two days ago!

What kind of fucking ass?

What kind of sandwich you go for?

It was a fucking salami, turkey, who the fuck knows?

It was two days ago.

Two days ago?

I can't even think straight.

No, you can't even think straight.

Are you back to fucking with me?

It has been six months since you fucking with me

and worry about sandwiches.

You think I don't know who you are?

I've been looking for your ass.

Stop fucking with me.

No, I just want my money back, man.

Yeah, okay, come and take your money.

Huh?

Come and take your money.

Just jump on your camel, put the diaper on your head, and bring me my money, man. Come on.

You know what? How many dicks in your life do you suck?

What?

How many dicks in your life do you suck?

You can't even talk.

Fuck up, motherfucker.

No, go look for me where is your mama?

What you talking about?

You not talk to me like that, motherfucker.

You are the motherfucker.

Fuck off, motherfucker.

You are the motherfucker.

That was the drama.

We're up to 73 minutes again.

We're in business, all right?

All right.

Awesome.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know you were talking on the phone.

Hey, here's breaking news.

I'm out of here, dude.

I'm talking to everybody.

What's going on?

Do what you got to do.

I got a Russian restaurant just came in.

We got an Italian-Spanish restaurant.

We got a Spanish cafe.

And we got a Greek restaurant.

Motherfucker, we got shit to do here, man.

Let's call the Greeks.

Just tell a bunch of jokes here.

Let me pull up

Hold on a second

This is a good idea

We used to call

The Polish American Club

Like in the town next to us

And just start telling

Polack jokes

Yeah

And they got

I only know one

Polack jokes

The only one I know is

What do they say about Greeks

They never leave their buddies

Behind or some shit

Well there's the one

How do you separate the men

From the boys in Greece

With a crowbar

That's what it was

Nah there we go

Let's get a bunch of them here

I gotta like

I gotta pull

Jokes for all

Hey hey

Just to let you know

Because Athena's Greek you know

Malacca

Malacca is like

Like the worst curse you can say to a Greek person.

Like they go nuts.

Malakas.

It's like shit fucking eater or shit ass shit eater or something like that.

Something crazy like that.

Yeah, they said that in weird signs.

Do you remember that?

Weird signs?

Yeah, I remember it.

When they were sitting there drinking, he goes, she's into Malakas.

All right, all right.

I had a song I wanted to play here.

All right, hang on, man.

We're going to do that right now.

Hang on, folks.

A little bit of Run DMC here.

Greek restaurant.

Hang on, record.

Fuck it, this is America, damn it.

I'm trying to get it.

Kate, how may I help you?

Oh, this is a great restaurant.

Hey, what do you guys got going on tonight, like specials?

Well, we're closed right now.

Oh, can you guys, how long ago did you turn off the fryers?

We, the cook has already left.

Oh, you got any, like, you got any table scraps for my dogs?

No, not that I know of.

I mean, we've taken all the food back and everything, so I'm sorry.

Is there a manager there or someone I can ask, like, you know,

that knows about the food for about tomorrow?

I know about the food for tomorrow.

Do you guys do the malacca over there?

He's not here.

Do what?

Malacca.

You guys have it on the menu?

Malacca?

No.

No, we don't.

It's like someone told me to call and order the malacca that you want to like malacca

or something.

No, we don't.

We don't have that.

It's like a pastry with honey and phyllo bread or some shit like that.

Oh, we have baklava.

Malacca.

That's it.

That's what I want.

Malacca.

Okay.

You can get that tomorrow.

I can get malacca tomorrow?

Baklava.

You can get baklava tomorrow.

No, malacca.

Malacca.

We don't have that.

We don't have what?

Okay.

You don't even know what I'm saying.

You keep saying the wrong thing.

I'm asking for malacca.

You say bakla.

I don't know what that is.

I'm saying malacca.

All right, well, the dish that you want, you can get tomorrow.

We open at 11 o'clock.

Who's that in the background?

Who's that?

No, there's nobody in the background.

No, I heard a man, or I think that's the manager.

There is no manager here right now, sir.

Who's the man?

He's back tomorrow at 11 o'clock.

Who's the man over there?

The man is another server that works here.

That's who I need to talk to, because I don't like talking to women.

He's another?

You don't like talking to women?

Well, I'm sorry.

Well, my wife doesn't let me talk to women.

Fucking God.

Reclude, where'd you go?

Reclude, I forgot to connect you.

It was pretty fun.

She got mad.

I was asking for Malacca.

Oh, really?

That was my fault.

Oops, I'm sorry about that.

You fucking faggot.

We have one good prank.

Press 1 to please enter your destination number,

starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Russian restaurant.

Remember that Russian prank call we did?

Hackers.

Listen, listen.

You guys think you can treat me like shit in your restaurant?

Some of you guys, you treat me like shit.

I went in there and you try to, you try to shit vodka on me, your shitty vodka.

And you know, I'm just trying to have a nice meal.

And I don't, I don't appreciate that.

When, when can I come down and talk about this?

What's that time are you open to tonight?

10 p.m.

What time is it now?

Okay, well, I hate Armenians.

Do you hate Armenians?

Yeah, because I'm Armenian.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I'm here. You hear me at all?

Hear

me at all.

We came to the KGB.

Fucking parrot discipline.

If it's not our case, go to the criminal police.

Excuse me, of course I know that I have to go to them.

I am just here to tell you officially that I disagree with that parrot.

You understand?

Yeah, more or less.

Okay, well, here's another one.

A guard asked her, what is your 10 years?

The guy says, what for?

He said, for nothing.

He said, what a lie.

Only fuck, Russ, that's what I understand you guys are like over there.

You know, you know my uncle's in the KGB.

Please, please, please introduce yourself.

What's that?

Please, introduce yourself next time you're here.

Oh, I'm coming right down.

I'll be down tonight.

15 minutes out.

Roger Moon, all right, I'll be right down there.

What's your name?

Are you a big in my beast, but I'm gonna come.

You know how big you guys, I might have to bring somebody else with me.

My uncle's in the KGB.

Yeah?

Yeah, no problem.

I, I got trained.

I got trained.

I'm looking for, looking for her.

Roger.

Yeah?

Mouth.

Russia?

You're not from Russia.

George, you know me.

Oh, George, okay.

So you guys...

Yeah, that's...

I don't know about that.

Actually, we're about to...

Yeah, you guys are getting in trouble.

I'm telling KGB right now.

They're trying to get everybody back to Russia.

B.

CIA.

We're all gonna be there.

Bye.

Bad guy.

What do you mean, uh...

What about Roger?

Who's Roger?

No, it's just like fucking...

I get to...

I've been looking up these jokes.

There's like a hundred Russia jokes.

They're like...

Those Russians.

Shittiest jokes.

Woman walks into a food...

Do you have any meat?

No.

What about milk?

We only deal with street.

There's a store where they have milk.

I get it, because they've got to stand in line for everything.

Yeah, it's stupid.

I wonder, do they still have lines for toilet paper and all that shit over there still?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

I've got a co-worker with my, he's Russian, and he moved over here in the 90s,

and he said that, like, half the shit that he told us about Russia wasn't even real.

Like, all those, like, you've got to sit there in line and all this.

He said it was never like that.

He said, you know, the country here, like, the United States government, like,

fed us all this

misinformation about

how bad it was in

Russia when it

really wasn't that

bad.

That is weird.

Yeah.

Alright,

Recklood,

I'm going to

take a break.

Thanks for

calling in,

man.

Alright,

man,

you have a

good rest of

the show.

I will.

Thank you.

It's always good

having you on,

man.

Take care of

yourself.

That's Recklood,

everybody.

Alright,

let's hear it for

Recklood,

everybody.

Big,

the Recklood

guy is in

the house,

or he was

in the house.

The line is

now clear.

If you want

to call in,

where they're hanging out.

Recklood and the White Lady

over there hanging out.

We tore up tonight.

Be sure you go over

to madhouselive.com as well.

If you get a chance,

be sure to stay here

at syndicateradio.tv

because there's good shows

here every night.

I see Rev is back in the house.

Rev making a triumphant return

here to Syndicate Radio.

Welcome back, Rev.

You've been out

of commission for a while, man.

It's good to see you back,

brother man.

Phone's ringing already.

Look at that.

Look at the show this is.

What's up, radio?

You're on the air.

Who's this?

Huh?

Dylan.

Dylan, what's up, man?

a little bit, my friend. Cool, man. Cool. Dylan, where are you at? Are you in Central

Florida or something? I'm in Coco. You're in Coco? Cool, man. I'm in Orlando. What's

up, brother? What's up? Central Florida represents. Is this your first time listening? Yeah. Yeah?

What do you think so far? So-so, right? Not bad. Not bad. That's good. That's good. All

right. Cool. Cool. So what do you do for a living? You hang out? That's the racket

I want right there. Collecting a check, right? Wow. Amazing. That's what Tuck does, too.

Tuck collects a check. Cool. Do you like prank calls or are you just like, what are

What are you into here, man?

Show.

Yeah, that's cool.

That's cool.

You ever listen to real radio here in Orlando?

Yeah.

Yeah, man, that's not what it used to be.

It used to be a good talk show station, you know, a good talk station.

Now it's like crap, all watered down.

I don't listen to it as much as I used to.

Yeah.

All right, Dylan, so, I mean, what, you want to say anything?

You want to do a prank call?

Scared.

It's okay, don't be nervous, man.

Tell all your friends about the show, though.

I see how he found out about us.

Yeah, how did you find out?

Well, he's on Syndicate.

You listen to us on Syndicate, right?

To use guys on Seneca.

Cool.

Is this your first time?

I mean, you've been hanging out in Seneca for a while.

I've never seen you around.

You seem to be new to me.

I'm the first-time watcher and first, well, long-time watcher, first-time caller or something like that.

I don't know how you would say it.

Whatever.

Dude, I'm off tonight, man, Dylan.

Man, don't tell people that this guy Carlito sucks.

You know, he's just not in my A-game tonight.

All right, Dylan?

Well, I want to thank you for calling.

For calling in, you win five madhouse dollars, man.

Yeah, man.

98.6 to now.

What are you going to do with those five dollars?

Save them? Invest them, huh? Put them in the interest-bearing account, Dylan?

All right, Dylan, thanks for calling in, man.

All right, that's Dylan, everybody. Dylan!

Always good to talk to exciting people here in Central Florida, making us look good.

Thanks, Dylan, man.

The energy is...

Represent that.

I'm telling you, the energy is like, woo-wee.

Where the fuck are we going with this show tonight?

We're driving this shit right to the ass tonight, everybody.

How's your fat ass been doing?

Speaking of which, good point, Milkman.

man everybody out there who wants a free prank call cd be sure to visit madhouse live.com click

on the cd little thing right there get your free prank call cd how's your fat ass doing the first

cd ever made by madhouse radio very popular cd a lot of good feedback with that and i need to

give out a new c i have a new cd to give out here i've got one yeah yeah hermano you know

what's a good idea everybody that clicks on the free cd why don't you please make a comment in

for him. Tell us what your fat ass

has been up to. Yeah, yeah.

Tell us about that. Tell us about that.

He is looking. Hey, Carlito, can I send you

the picture I drew you? Yeah, yeah.

He's looking. It's cool. Whoa, I forgot to

hang up the phone there. Whoops.

Anyway, we got a number here for

Sarah Cartwright also that has been sent in.

A woman, if a woman picks up

makeup, some story of how her son

bankrupted through a rock and broke your window.

Yeah, we tried to call that last week. I'll try it again.

You got it, man. No problemation. No problemation

there. It is time to take a break, though.

It's already 11.24.

When I come back, we're going to do some more prank calls.

We've got a bunch of Greek restaurants here to call.

What else?

We've got some more Russian restaurants here to call as well.

We'll be taking your calls and your requests.

In the meantime, for the time being, as it were, as it may.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Am I missing anything, guys?

What do you think?

Anything we should do here?

I really got to take a piss, you know.

Let me just go ahead and get that ready here.

Put my finger.

Take a piss.

There we go.

Let's take a piss.

Everybody, go make a sandwich.

Take a piss.

Whatever you got to do.

It's 11.25 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio.

We'll be right back in about five minutes.

Yeah, don't go anywhere, folks.

We'll be right back in five.

Thank you.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Be back right after this.

Five seconds.

All right, everybody.

Madhouse Radio back for one more segment

and bringing it home to you here

on madhouselive.com

98.6 the mouth

syndicate radio.tv

all these people are here

ready to hear a show

98.6 the mouth

and we delivered

we got a caller in the line

let's call him

let's talk to the caller

T-Bag

what's up

first time listening

first time caller

long time listener

what's the deal

hell yeah man

represent

got you

so what do you think

of the show so far

it is fucking awesome

the hook man i like it cool cool good to know good to know man so uh like what's your story

you know prank calls or just like being entertained i entertain do a little prank

calls here and there yeah so you're a stranger to the pranks yeah i do a prank call with me

yeah what kind of what do you want to do i got a shit ton of restaurants i got russian restaurants

i got greek restaurants i got spanish restaurants let's see here what else i got an indian restaurant

here we can call because see with me being like a short stature person little person

And T-Man you know

I like to like

See if they're going to do

Some applications

So that you know

They can hire little people

Yeah

You know

See if they're going to be

Stereotyping

And they just want to

Hire tall motherfuckers

Instead of little people

So are you like

Like Mugsy Bogues short

Or like

Nah I'm four foot six

Four foot six

Yeah

That short really

Yeah

That's okay

No big deal

Cool

Do you get a lot of

DLS shit about that

Sometimes

But it don't bother me

I don't take shit to the heart

Hey no offense

But you know what I heard

I don't know if you know

Yeah I know many

Sex tape coming out

out with Vern Troyer, man, I saw it today, I don't know, there's a video on TMZ, like

a little short snippet of him making out with a girl in bed, and it's probably the creepiest

looking thing, he looks, cause he's like so disproportionate, he looks like an alien,

so it looks like the chick is making out with an alien, and, ooh, god, you guys are talking

about Mini-Me, right?

Yeah, Mini-Me, Vern Troyer, yeah, I don't know if you've heard of him, yeah, dude, that

is, he's got a sex tape coming out, he's being offered 100 million dollars for it.

Damn.

That'll make money, everyone's gonna wanna see that, man, Mini-Me having sex.

Oh, hell yeah.

All the ladies got midget fantasies, man.

They want to check their shit out.

They want to know if dynamite comes in small packages.

That's right.

Well, I've had the fantasy about the midget girl, you know, spinning her around, you know, the cock.

You know what?

A lot of them tell me about it.

They have a fantasy.

I always ask women to talk because it gives me something.

You got like full, not full figured, but full.

How about we call on a Greek restaurant and you applaud?

Tell them that you're a short Greek guy or something.

I don't know.

I'm sure you can figure it out.

Hang on.

Let me, uh, are you in the...

I actually do.

It's a restaurant in Los Angeles, L.A.

Hell yeah.

You know where Beverly Boulevard is?

I don't know if you'd know, but that's what it is.

Yeah, that's it.

What's your screen name in the syndicate room?

I'll send you the details and private message so you know what we're talking about.

That's what she said.

Hang on.

There you go.

Paste.

Enter.

There you go.

You got it?

You see that there?

That's the details right there for you.

It's in a private message just for you.

Okay.

All right.

Don't go anywhere, man.

I'm sorry.

Your name again?

T-what?

T-Mac?

T-Man.

All right.

He's going to be doing a prank call, everybody.

Sure. If you're not, hold your hand.

I was with one of the managers the other day, and he told me that you guys were going to do some hiring,

so I wanted him to check in a couple of days.

Nope, not at all. We haven't hired anybody at all.

You're giving me the runaround because I'm like a little person?

I don't know who you're talking to. I don't know who you referred to, who you spoke to, what manager you spoke to.

Well, I talked to a manager like two days ago, and he said that he was going to check out my application

and told me to call back in a couple of days.

You know, I want to know what's going on, you know, because if you guys don't hire, like, little people, you know, it's okay, because, you know, I can get an attorney, and we can fucking sue the shit out of your ass.

You know, I don't know what you're talking about.

You cannot, please don't make threats like that at all.

We're not hiring anybody at all.

We haven't, actually.

You told me to call back right now, and now you guys don't tell me that you guys are not doing no hiring because you're hiring free?

Just in a couple days to see what openings they might have.

No, they don't have any openings at all.

I think that's fucked up.

I think it's just you guys don't want to hire, like, little people.

I don't know who you, what manager you spoke to.

He's a thug guy.

I don't remember his name.

Now I'm so fucking pissed, I don't even know his name.

I can't even remember his name.

Well, I don't know which manager.

They have seven managers here, so I don't know which manager you spoke with.

But there's only one manager that does the hiring.

His name is Larry.

I just don't know.

You know, he told me to come in and tell me to fill out the application.

He told me that he was going to look at it.

He wanted me to call back two days, and he said he'd give me a call back.

He didn't give me a call back.

So I'm just checking on it right now, and then, you know,

now you guys are not going to do the hiring because I'm a little person?

That has nothing to do with that.

I don't even know you're a little...

The application, you know, I was vertically challenged and shit.

Because he asked me if I could do certain things.

And I said, yes, as long as it's like a hot shit.

No.

I don't want to do so much because I'm like four foot tall.

Hi, we haven't implied actually.

Nothing to do with it at all.

No, the way he was talking, he was going to look my application over like he wanted to hire me.

And he told me to call back in a couple of days.

Which, like I said, I don't know which opening at all.

I don't understand why would he tell me to do it.

I think it's bullshit.

I do.

I think it's really bullshit.

Well, I'm sorry about that, but I don't know.

Like I said, I don't know what manager you're supposed to be managing and all that.

No, he's not hiring anyone.

Yeah, you could subcommittee.

Prank calls on the side, usually, like, on your own.

I mean, everyone does.

Look at that.

Happy birthday, man.

My birthday was last Friday.

Actually, I turned 29, so we're right there, man.

80s childs, you know?

Awesome.

All right.

Cool deal.

You want to do another one?

You want to head out?

I'll head out.

That was cool.

I just wanted to check out the show.

I was going to prank.

All right, man.

Well, thanks for calling.

It was fun, man.

All right, Midget Mac, everybody.

Midget Mac, everybody.

All right.

That was fun.

It wasn't a kid's.

All right, cool.

That's a way to start the second half of the show.

Oh, what's left of it?

Let's see what else we've got to do here.

Anybody else who wants to take the line that is now open,

you can call toll-free 1-888-278-8509.

Again, that's 1-888-278-8509.

You can also message me on AOL and Yahoo and send messengers Madhouse Radio

And MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com

Someone's going to call in?

Your sister?

All right.

Tuck's sister is going to be coming up next.

I can't believe who this Columbia is.

I'm begging you to call in.

Oh, yeah.

He's nowhere.

Yeah, where is he?

He's usually called in like 50 times by now.

I'm going to call in in a minute.

and they capital letters

and turn it.

Yeah.

Call me any minute.

Any minute.

Call me, call me, call me now.

Call me now.

Where's my ambient at?

I had to get to sleep

or I had to drink some coffee

to wake up for the show

and now I can't get back to sleep.

We got another caller on the line.

Hang on, everybody.

Another caller.

Crackmaster, what's up, man?

Adjusting things fine.

Okay.

Very good.

I understand you had a birthday recently, huh?

I like to talk.

Someone told me that you went to Vegas

is, that you had a birthday, that you went to the, uh, Barbie, um, that, uh, the Barbie

Museum and all that shit? No, I did not. So what did you do for your birthday? Uh, I plucked.

You plucked? Plucked. Plucked. Gotcha. What are you doing now? You working on the cruise

ship still? No. What do you do? Come on, be honest with me, man. I pluck at, pluck as

a chef. Doing what? Remember you worked at Chili's for a while? Yeah, that was a job.

Yeah, you worked at Chili's at the airport, and then Jupe got you in trouble. Yeah, man,

man. Me and you, we go way back, don't we?

We do. All right, man. Well, can we

just say between me and you, no more hard feelings

is let out on the table. No more

accusations. You made a lot of, you

brought a lot of trouble to my life, you know.

Me? Brought a lot of trouble to your life?

Yes, you did. You ruined my credit, mister.

You did, man. You sound more

upbeat lately. Have you gotten anything

done with your mouth? Like, you sound like you're talking.

You're verbalizing a lot better now.

Tired? For a while. You don't do anything.

What, are you a cook? What do you do exactly?

What are you, your prep chef? Sous chef?

What's up, man?

Moving up, huh?

You're going to be an executive chef soon, aren't you?

Yep, hopefully within the next two years.

Uh-oh, you're going to be on Top Chef?

Top Chef.

Dude, you know what?

You should so try out for, like, Hell's Kitchen or Top Chef or something like that.

You'd be perfect for it, man.

Get you on there.

You'd be like a Cinderella story all over again, man.

So why are you going to this major...

Why don't you want to admit that, you know...

Why the reinvention?

Do you have, like, a new outlook?

Do you have, like, a new design to your clothes?

You got your hair all spiky now?

No, just the same thing.

Major chaos is what I am.

So this is now the new Adam is major chaos then, huh?

Yes.

Okay.

All right, all right.

Is it working out for you too?

Yep.

I'm doing chefing at the same time.

I'm working with Launch Fox, who's on Syndicate Radio,

Wednesdays at 12 o'clock, 2 o'clock a.m. Eastern Standard Time,

and Tuesdays and Thursdays on Block TV from 2 a.m. to a.m.

Wow, man.

So what do you do?

You're like a recruiter?

No, I'm a show producer.

I was seeing a game show.

I don't know.

Do you watch ABC at all?

You don't?

They got this new game show now with, it's like a Japanese game show where they put Americans

and they send them to Japan.

I thought you might, there's a lot of Asian girls and I thought you might be interested

in them.

What did you look into?

No, I don't watch too much TV.

I have no time.

No?

Wow.

Do you enjoy Asian porno after, you know, your past, your storied history, your checkered

past?

No, not really.

Nothing like that?

What kind of porno do you, I mean, we all have our tastes.

I like Asian porn myself.

What are you into?

What's your preference?

When you go to PornTube or XTube, what do you type in there?

Actually, I have no time for that because pretty much I just have time to work

and get my shit done for lunch and then go to bed.

Now, be honest.

Come on.

What's your favorite?

I know you watch porno.

We all do.

What kind of porn?

I don't need to know.

You don't watch porno at all?

Girlfriend?

How young is she?

She or how old is she?

I don't know how young.

I mean, you're a young guy.

You're 21.

I'm 12.

You sure?

Yes.

I mean, the people want to know,

what kind of porno does an ex-pedophile like to watch?

Like, you've moved on from that.

You're recovered now, I understand.

Do you have speaking engagements

where you talk to people about overcoming their pasts?

You're enjoying this, aren't you?

No, you know, Adam, you know,

I'm trying to bring peace to all this.

We need to bring this to rest.

Now, I made you an offer here that you can't refuse.

You know, I'm going to let it go

that you've ruined my credit.

And you know what you did

to DTT also, right?

What did I do?

You sent him a used condom

in the mail like two years ago.

No, that was publicly to dead.

No, no, you did it.

Yeah, okay.

The file got us...

Watch out.

Watch out with what you say.

Well, what...

You know for a fact

that DTT had called the police

in Rahway, New Jersey

and they actually investigated you.

Oh, really?

And they said you're going to be

a third-time offender.

Oh, I'm so happy.

You're so happy?

All right, Adam,

we're going to let you go.

Prank Master,

thank you very much

Thank you so much for calling in.

All right.

Check out Watch, starting in about 15 minutes.

Whenever you're ready to admit that you watch pornography,

you call back, and we'll let you off the hook here.

All right, man.

Where the fuck would he call in anyway?

Fucking psycho.

What the fuck's that all about?

I don't know.

I should have had him do a prank call, or not.

What the hell?

He used to call himself Prank Master, like he's the master of prank calling.

He can't even prank at all.

He was never good.

Damn it.

Nunu says

time for UK calls

you American bastard

I don't have any UK numbers

yes I do

Shirley Porter

there we go

I would need a UK

I would need a

international foreign card

let me see if I do

see what I got here

okay let me play this song here

and check the balance

on the international card

and we'll see if we can do that

hang on

Nunu

Mr. UK himself

we'll be right back

with some more prank calls

and we're going to wrap things up

here soon

you are listening to

Madhouse Radio

just a moment

DTT.

DTT, what's up, man?

What's up, man?

Man, Prankmaster, man, he's weird.

He's a piece of trash, isn't he?

I don't care about him.

I just ignore him.

You don't care to hear about him, right?

No, I just ignore him, you know?

Yeah, I know.

He called in, you know?

I don't know.

I didn't ask him to call in.

He just interrupts everything.

Everything.

He's got to call in talking about Ron's Fox this, Ron's Fox that.

You know, I'm doing my show, man.

You know?

You know what I'm talking about?

I don't care, man.

Yeah.

I don't care who he is.

You don't care about anything?

I don't care about him.

You know, he's a loser.

He is a piece of trash.

We don't forget, right, DTD?

We know the truth.

I'll tell you something.

You know, the syndicate knows.

And Roger Fox doesn't know very much.

He should come.

They'll be so funny.

Yeah, well, last week we played, you know, the audio and all that stuff.

You know, we let it know, you know, as I said last week,

do with it as you know what to do, you know.

Do what you can with it.

You know what?

To you, man, it's been a long time.

Yeah.

Happy anniversary.

Anniversary show.

That's going to be, like, in two weeks.

I have the whole set up.

July 4th.

Yeah.

Well, July 15th.

Let me look at the map.

I almost said the map.

Let me look at the calendar here.

Man, you've been listening.

This is day one, too, brother.

You're one of the...

And Zola should play some pranks on you.

That's right.

He should.

July 10th, which is in a few weeks.

That's going to be our anniversary show.

The first show was on the 13th of July of 2005, but we're going to celebrate it on the 10th

here, which is the Thursday before that.

I actually have the list.

We're going to have a top ten best pranks of the year for Madhouse Radio this season.

Yeah.

Yeah, so everyone...

Do it, do it, do it.

You should, yeah, yeah, hell yeah.

Yeah, like a combined mix.

An effort combined show, right?

We should do that.

Yeah.

Yeah, hell yeah, man.

So what's up with you?

What else?

You're going to school still, right?

I'm not going to do the whole flight school thing.

I know we always joke around.

Oh, no, I'm okay.

Dude, that's going to be off the chain.

You're going to go to the bachelor party show?

Yeah, I'm going to go.

I'm going to go.

Yeah, we're going to do it on a Friday.

The Friday before, like, the wedding.

So it's going to be, I don't know the date exactly.

It'll be, like, mid-May, big show, live prank calls,

and we might go to a strip club and stuff like that.

All right, DT.

All right, man.

I'm at Lebanese Red.

Take care.

DTT, everybody.

DTT calling in, checking in, of course.

DTT's odd.

Like, he'll call in, and all of a sudden, he's like,

okay, I got to go, I got to go, I got to go.

Like, he's like, hang on, brother, man.

Chill out, man.

You're, like, bouncing.

and you, like, go, that's what I hear from you.

Weird stuff.

I've got to turn the sound off.

Okay.

Try to reset your team speak, Tuck, because you sound like Christopher Reeves,

like you do normally.

Everyone else sounds good.

Okay, let me check those phone cards here, see if we can do the U.K. calls.

If not, we'll do some more in the United States and wrap it up.

Here you are listening to Madhouse Radio, as I was trying to say before.

Sweetness.

We have a pretty good bank here of numbers, of minutes.

We've got, like, $2 plus left in that card.

If it's okay, we'll loan some Loser, because that's his card that he lets us use.

So let me know, Lonesome, if I can use that card, and we'll go ahead and do some U.K. calls.

He's listening, I'm sure.

In the meantime, I'm going to call a 7-Eleven here in Sacramento.

And after that, we're going to do some U.K. calls.

Milkman, any requests here, man?

I mean, is there something you want to hear me do, like an old prank or a specific type of prank call you want to hear, man?

Jack Masterson?

I am definitely wanting to hear either a Jack the Limp.

Do you know who we haven't done in a while?

Probably Rochester Wallace.

Yeah, you know who we haven't done in a long-ass time?

The late, great Eddie Garcia, man.

That's what we need to do right there.

Garcia.

Eddie Garcia.

Yeah, do that one, man.

That'd be great, man.

Cool.

We all cripped out and blotted out, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Emmy Rose is saying hi to you, Milkman.

What?

Emmy Rose is saying hi to you, Milkman.

The old lady over there.

Hey, Emmy Rose.

What text you doing, man?

Pogomaniac Jake is sending in a number.

He sent in a number.

Give me a name with that, my friend.

You just sent me a number, Pogomaniac.

I need a name.

Give me something to work with.

I was going to call someone.

Is she still on her show and showing her titties?

Does she show her titties?

I don't know.

I don't know about those fun bags, but I know she does a show.

I don't know, man.

Ever since her and D.D. was getting together there, you know.

Dirty.

Her and her dad.

Yeah, her and the dad getting nasty over there.

The dad got a titty fucking over there.

the dead's into that kind of stuff

what around the DD

he's around

he's in and out

he's busy

alright Lonesome Loser says

we're good to use that card

so let's use it now

we're going to call the UK instead

I got a message from him

he says

DTT is a camel jockey

oh

DD is back and alive

and well

good deal

ok we're going to call Keith Woods

in Hampshire, England everybody

Keith Woods everybody

oh hell yeah man

Until then, we've got to call already.

Jeez, these people are insane.

Man, that's radio.

You're up in the air.

Hey, man.

Let's do Frank's back.

Who's this before we move any further?

It's Wiz, man.

Wiz, what's up, my friend?

Hey, buddy.

How are you?

What the hell's that about, you creepo?

Shit.

Hey, buddy.

Here you go.

Jeez.

Cool.

We're going to call England.

You're just in time for that, all right?

Okay.

Do you want to take this one?

Do you want to hang chill on the cut while I do it?

Oh, yeah.

Why don't you start it?

I don't need it because I'm all...

Dude, I'm all fucked.

You know what I just found out?

I had no idea that the Killers of Comedy were in St. Pete.

That's like an hour and a half away from me.

I would have fucking gone, but it's like short notice for me to get there this weekend now.

That sucks.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't want to impose on Hooknose or anything like that.

Plus, I got family out of town, but fuck.

You wouldn't be imposing on those guys, dude.

What the fuck, man?

Get in there.

I'll see if I got time, because, you know, it's on Saturday, and it's like, you know,

it's going to be Friday.

And I'll see what I can do, see if I can pull some strings and get out something I

had to do Saturday.

But it would be awesome, man, to go see Killers of Comedy.

Yeah, dude.

Oh, man.

Who are the killers of comedy?

I don't know, Iron Sheik, Sal, right?

Who else goes?

Well, it depends on, like, you know, the show.

I mean, usually it's, you know, it could be a bunch of different people,

like Sal Richard, Beetlejuice, Yucko the Clown, of course, Bob Levy.

Who else?

Yeah, it could be a bunch of different people, dude.

It's like, if you go to killersofcomedy.com for that night,

And it changes all the time

Because you're not going to get all those guys

Every time

Shows are, you know

More stacked than others

But it's always a fucking good time

You know, it's all

It's already like around the

Levy, Sal, Yucca, Richard, Beats

And Shuley were all

Man, Beetlejuice is the man

He's like my favorite of the Whack Packers

Is Beetlejuice

Whenever he calls in, man

One of my favorite things on Howard TV ever

Was when Mr. T was there

And then Beetlejuice showed up

And he was all cursing

Cursing everybody out

Mr. T's trying to calm them down

I don't know if you ever saw that

Yeah I did

Oh shit man

I'll tell you what man

When we were at that go

I'd like you know

We're you know

Just smoking

You know the smoking area

The smoking lounge

And he was just going

And uh

You know everybody was just

Hanging him off

Yeah beat

Yeah yeah

And I was like you know

I deal with you know

Blah blah blah blah blah

And he's

He's fucking insane

It's great dude

It's just fucking

It's awesome

He's like out there

Like just rambling on

For like a good like

You know half an hour

And then I surely came out

And was just like

Oh he's like the you know

know, a main, major part of the fucking Killers of Tour, and, yeah, he'd come out and be

like, B, we gotta go, man, we gotta go on stage in a few minutes, he's just fucking

great, dude, it's fucking gold, man, it's a great experience.

Well, if I go, I wanna go with this, you know, I don't know who in the syndicate's

gonna be there, but I definitely wanna, you know, go hang out with them, I don't wanna

go by myself, you know, Athena's not gonna wanna go with me, and, you know, I don't wanna

just go there and show up, like, you know, by myself, I'd sound like a dork.

Yeah, well, hey, man, I'll tell you what, if you tell me that you're from the syndicate,

They know all the shows from the syndicate

So if you go up to Shuley and say

I'm Carlito from Madhouse Radio

On the syndicate at radio.tv

He'll know who you are

Guarantee you man

Okay yeah

Nobody knows who this guy is

I'm like the fat Puerto Rican

Yeah right

Whatever

You're gold man

You're great

Let's stay gold and let's do a prank call

Hang on

I'm just chillin' out, don't worry about it.

Hey, what's that?

Hang on, everybody, prank call coming up.

You talk, you sound good now, too, by the way.

Good work on that.

Son of a bitch.

Iranian.

London bitch.

Those bitches.

Hampshire.

This is not ringing.

Let me try another one.

Joe, sweetheart.

Hi, where are you?

Administration.

Were you thinking of making some coffee this morning?

I'm hardly awake.

You're hardly awake?

Take 20, 10, 5, 5.

Boy, it's time to get up.

Come on.

Nothing brings the morning better than a cup of coffee this time of morning.

Oh.

We're trying to break England from its horrible tea addiction.

Do you drink tea in the morning?

Do I drink tea? Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, well, you should drink some coffee instead.

See, we Americans, I'm from Colombia, and we actually make coffee here in this country.

I see. Well, where are you at the moment?

In Colombia, Bogota, Colombia, actually. Ever heard of the place?

Oh, yeah.

It's a beautiful country, beautiful people.

I'm here with my life partner on the line.

Oh, yeah.

How would you like it if I were to send you a nice big bag of coffee?

A nice what?

No, night? You want to do a wife swap?

I'm a bit old for that.

Be into swapping around a little bit?

Do you know what time it is?

Yes, it's like 12 o'clock over here in the United States.

Well, it's ten past five and I should be asleep.

Well, no, it's time, you're already awake.

So what about snowballing, would you be into that?

Hmm?

Would you be into snowballing?

Snowballing?

Snow, yeah.

I don't know what snow is here.

No, no, do you know what snowballing is?

You ask?

Snowballing is when I sperm in your mouth and then you spit it into my friend's mouth

and then he spits it back in your mouth

and it gets bigger and bigger.

Good gracious.

Have you ever done anything crazy like that, Joan?

Yeah, when I was young.

Oh, really?

I'm a bit old now.

I'm swapping when you were young?

Well, we did.

There's so much snow in Portsmouth.

Oh, wow.

Very rare.

A lot of Portsmouth snowballing.

Wow, that's beautiful for you.

Were you a hippie or something?

Pardon?

Were you a hippie?

No.

How old are you now?

I should be 87 on my birthday.

Oh, God bless you.

God bless you.

So when's the last time you had a snowball job?

No, we very rarely get snow here.

Oh, it's been a while since you had a snowball?

Yeah.

What's the wildest thing that you get into now?

My mother and father were very strict, so we had to be very good and behave ourselves.

No, I mean, you've got to let loose a little bit.

It looks a nice morning anyway.

Yeah, is it nice outside?

It's a bit early for me, though.

I shouldn't really be awake.

It's only just gone five o'clock.

Are you in your knickers, or what are you wearing right now?

Pardon?

Are you in your knickers, or what are you wearing?

I'm wearing a nightie.

A nightie?

A nightie, yeah.

Oh, are you by yourself?

Yeah.

Well, I'm a bit old for anything else.

No, but we can play around a little bit.

I have a fantasy about an old British lady and me.

I mean, I guess you wouldn't be interested then.

Pardon?

You wouldn't be interested in it at all?

Nothing?

I'm a virgin and I'm 29 years old.

That's why I'm calling.

I'm so desperate, I'm calling other countries now.

Any suggestions for a 29-year-old virgin such as myself?

Well, I'm a very old lady, me.

I'm just going to go back to bed now.

Okay, well, I'll be...

All right, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Listen, honey, can I talk to...

Can I talk to...

What's your name?

Jean?

Joan.

Listen, we're offering you some free coffee.

Take us up on a new show, won't you think?

I must go back to sleep.

It's a little bit too early for me.

How about a coffee enema?

Have you ever had one of those?

Where you ram coffee up your ass?

I must go...

She was actually pretty cool for an 87-year-old lady.

Quite sexual.

Wow.

She probably does it in the ass.

Yeah.

That was a beautiful conversation.

How are you going to turn that down?

It was.

It was too beautiful.

I couldn't take it anymore.

You're so angry because you're married.

I'm frustrated.

I'm fucking angry tonight, man.

I should go on after you and do some fucking angry calls, but I just, I can't.

I gotta, I gotta, I gotta crash.

But anyway, uh, hey, you wanna do one more?

Yeah, let's do another one.

I'm gonna call Shirley Porter.

She's also in Hampshire, England.

Hang on, folks, another one coming up.

It didn't even ring.

She goes, eh, like that, and she hung right up.

This is weird.

I'm gonna call Maria Holmes and say, hang on, Holmes, we're calling Maria Holmes.

All right.

For this call.

This is the administration.

How are you?

Maria Holmes, please.

For dual registration, have you been taking your enemas to-

You're supposed to turn in-

You're supposed to turn in your enemas samples for you tomorrow morning at the lab.

We tracked down your license plate number.

In your car the other day, and, uh, we're at a convenience store, and, uh, you know, I had a robbery here and there.

I think I swallowed or dropped that in your car.

Anger out.

Geez, I'll hold it back.

How much for the love of his heart?

John Gay.

He's an Essex Englishman.

John Gay.

I want to talk to that ass.

Essex England and not folks in a-

This one, whiz.

Found, uh, in a paper.

No, he didn't put any ad in the paper.

Are you gay?

John put it in the local homosexual paper for sexual favors.

No, you've got the wrong number.

Well, this is a gay newspaper, and it says John.

Well, I suggest you stop calling this number.

I'm going to call the place on you.

Are these the gays or not?

God, they're sort of tight.

Jesus God, those brits.

How rude.

They got George gay.

Let's call George instead then.

Hello?

Yes, are these the gays?

He retires me here to talk to gay people at this line, so I thought I'd give you a call.

I'm gonna call him back

Just for being a dick

Not being respectful

To the United States

We run things around here

God damn it

That's right

We're the greatest

English speaking country

In the world

He's not there

He didn't pick up

That fucking shit

Bitch in the ass

British numbers

Fuck

All I got left

Is a 7-Eleven

If you're ready

7-Eleven

In Sacramento, California

Is the last one

We got here for the night

Alright let's do it

Here's the last

Last call tonight everybody

7-Eleven

Bring it on

To place a call

He's got no number

National number

Uses up like 30 minutes

Every time it does that

Fucking cunt

Bitch

Alright I got

I got one

I got

Actually wow

We got

We got Joan Butt

In England here

Lancashire

You wanna stay on

Or you gotta go

Another Joan

Another English bitch

Yeah Joan Butt

B-U-T-T

That's double T everybody

For those of you

Keeping notes at home

Alright

Let's do that everybody

Joan Butt

This is a change of plans

This is Stuart Hudson

Hello Stuart Hudson

Yeah

How are you doing my friend

I'm calling with a coffee

Coffee enema commission.

How are you, sir?

I'm good.

It's fucking 5 in the morning.

I don't give a shit what you're saying.

I don't even understand your damn language, man.

Did you take your coffee enema as you were ordered?

Fucking wanker, you pillock.

Listen to me, man.

You're supposed to take your coffee enema.

Did you take it or not?

He's asking for it.

He's asking for another ass kicking.

How dare you hang up on me, sir?

I said, wake your ass up and take your coffee enema.

You down and open up a bag with coffee, stick a hose in your ass and squeeze it in it and shit it out.

You do that first and then I will.

You got to clean your ass out, then I'll fuck you in the ass.

I'm a wanker.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hello?

I don't care.

Fuck it.

We'll go until 1 o'clock.

Let's fucking go, man.

Let's fucking go because I'm angry.

Wake up the whole fucking country that's damn British to think they're so better with their

leaders and their kilometers.

We're going to call Ardalan Muhammad.

Ardalan Muhammad here in Essex, England.

This is Jack Valente.

I'm with the Coffee Enema Administration.

We want to make sure that he administered his coffee enema on time this morning.

Hello?

Hello? Sir, did you take your coffee enema as you were ordered to this morning?

You're supposed to take your coffee enema this morning. Did you do that, sir?

No.

Well, you know how to do it? Should I give you instructions?

Who is it? Who is it?

This is Jack Valente with G-Wiz. We're from the United States Coffee Enema Administration.

No, I have no order or anything.

Oh, well, if you don't do it, we're going to come down there and force you to take a hose in your ass with coffee in it, man.

Why don't you want it in your anus?

I don't.

Is your A-asshole clear?

How do you know you don't have ass cancer or something like that, man?

You son of a bitch.

If you don't do this, I'm going to have to put chemotherapy in the tip of my dick

and fuck it in you and cure you of your cancer.

Is that what you want?

You fucking hit you with my sick.

You need to rent your house, man.

You need to get some equity in that shit.

God damn it.

All right.

Fucking Carlito going with the uppercuts right away.

You've been hanging out with Dino too long.

Hell yeah.

Dino rubbing off on me, man.

On Saturday, he was...

Saturday, he calls in and he's just like, he's going off on this Chinese guy.

What the fuck was that?

I don't know if you heard that, man, but we kept calling the same Hong Kong guy.

Like fucking Godzilla's coming

He's like

Fuck you Godzilla

I don't know what you're talking about

Yeah I heard that

Yeah that was great

Let's call

I'm gonna call Sylvia Croft

She's in Derbyshire, England

Any suggestions here

For what we can say

To these British people

You let me know

You let me and G-Wiz know

We'll do it

We are your prank monkeys tonight

Let's play another song here

Jesus God

Enough of that

There we go

Sylvia G-Wiz

And it should be a Croft

If she answers

She's gonna

Any second now

This is B-1-1-0

Killing it

Call Nigel Croft instead

Hello

Is Nigel

Is Nigel there

Hi, man.

Dried up cunt.

Alright.

Not really shit.

We're gonna call Albert Jeeves.

What the fuck is this?

Albert Jeeves, everybody.

We're on a roll here, man.

We're not stopping.

Until the train dies.

We're gonna derail this bucket.

Hello, Lizzie.

Lizzie, call in Lizzie Griffiths.

There's something missing.

First soft-boiled egg.

Why do you have to boil it?

For the egg expert.

Did you get this?

It was the...

Oh, no, no.

Wait, no.

I'm sorry.

It was the bukkake con.

No idea what that is.

Can you help me?

You don't know what that is?

Maybe there was a misspelling, but could you help me out?

Do you know how...

I don't.

And where are you calling from?

Are you not an egg expert?

Where are you calling from?

I'm calling from Manhattan.

Manhattan?

Yes.

I'm not saying...

This is England you're calling.

England?

Are you serious?

You're an English bitch.

Twenty to six in the morning here, and I'm not a...

Have you called me?

So then you...

So if it's twenty to six, you should be ready for some eggs, so you could probably help me out.

You can't help me out with my egg...

I really...

I'm...

I'd like to rest.

Eggs just get all to me.

You know what I mean?

I like to...

She actually answered your question, at least.

She's still like, who are these drunk fuckers calling from America?

Oh, this is UK.

Calling people at random.

All right, hey, we got Scotland in the house.

That's going to be even better.

Henry Finch.

All right, let's call Henry Finch in Scotland, everybody.

One moment.

New song.

You going to take this one?

Yeah, I'll start with Gals Scotland, the drunks.

She was laying on her back when the phone rang.

I'll talk to the Scottish guy.

I saw this place before the Isle of Wight.

I have no idea what it is, but I heard it's, like, an island, and they're angry there.

So let's do, call the Willow Dean guest house over there, everybody.

Just a moment, more pranks.

Hey, is this the guest house over there?

How much are your spaces tonight?

Euro, you're

saying, man,

I'm a man, they told me to come to Europe, I had to get euro, and now all these people

are telling me that they don't take euro, the hell's that, well, you guys will take

euro, right, it's like the most currency in the world, hey, man, if you take this euro,

I'm going to shove it right in your ass, you guys sound like you just fucking got done

I'm working.

Fuck.

The fuck?

I know they work out in England.

I thought all they do is smoke and drink and eat potatoes and soup and stuff.

Fucking shepherd pie.

Yeah.

It looks like fucking tasty assholes.

Yeah, that's the cheddar.

All right, we're going to go.

They get fucking red fucking assholes, right?

Yeah.

They shit out all that fucking bean fucking pussy shit.

Bean fucking pussy shit here in the mouth.

All right, Neil Bonner.

This is a lady.

No, a guy.

Neil Bonner.

Hey, man, did you, I don't know.

I don't know if, I just wanted to mention here before I forget.

if anybody gets a chance

if you didn't watch it

on Discovery

the last two or three weeks

they were showing

when we left the Earth

or when we left Earth

I don't know if you saw

that documentary about NASA

the early missions

and all that shit

dude it was fucking awesome man

I watched it in HD

I didn't see that

aw man awesome

they showed like

from the beginning

from like Gemini

they showed the Apollo moon landings

and all that shit

like in HD

with the music

and Gary Sinise

was the narrator

I recommend it

everybody out there

if you didn't get a chance

to watch it

I'm sure they repeat it

And I'm sure it's on BitTorrent

Look for the documentary

If you're into space

And NASA and shit like that

Definitely check out

The documentary

It was called

When We Left Earth

It was a three part

Mini-series

Two hours each

Highly recommended

Check it out

Anyway we're calling

Neil Bonner

Henry Finch

If he answers

Call the right one again

Neil Bonner

She's gone

She's in a

They're pretty funny

Tonight though

But usually they're

Kind of bland

Very bland

We had fun man

Thanks for calling

on him, bro.

Yeah, it was, it was, it was, all right.

Hell yeah.

All right, have a good weekend, man.

Enjoy your eggs.

Yeah, okay, thanks.

All right, see you, man.

All right, everybody.

Wow, what did we learn tonight?

British people can indeed be funny.

Who cares about what they all say, right, Milkman?

Yeah.

Milkman, take us out of here, my bro.

We're out of here.

We're out of gas.

If you're around, Milkman.

Milkman's at work.

I don't know if he can do it.

Milkman, wake up.

Baz is joining in here also.

Look at that.

Tuck's still here, of course.

Milkman going once, going twice.

No, he's sick.

That's it.

That's your life, man.

Go get it.

Yeah, Muck Sticky is my friend.

Hey, I wanted to, yeah, what was I going to say?

I forgot.

Who cares?

Anyway.

Milkman, wake up.

There you go.

All right, Milkman, Milkman, take us out of here, man.

I got to get out.

I got to get out of here.

Where you going to go, man?

I'll tell you what, man.

You have to get out of here.

I mean, you're going to dream, man.

Milkman, you're chopping up.

Okay, Milkman, you're all chopped up.

I don't know what's going on.

He's gone.

Uh-oh.

I think it might be your settings in TeamSpeak.

You might need to lower your gain down.

You know what I mean?

Whatever it is we need to do when you first set it up.

Shit.

Crap.

All right.

Let me handle it, Milkman.

You're working.

It's all good.

I want to thank everybody who called in tonight.

We had a lot of people.

We had the midget guy called in.

Let's see who else called in.

G-Wiz called in.

DTT.

Prank Master called in.

Fool's called in tonight.

Someone else called in.

Reclude called in.

Reclude and the White Lady, of course, joined us tonight.

That was fun.

Everyone who listened.

I wasn't the White Lady.

And the white lady.

Lonesome Loser, of course, dude, thanks for coming through.

Even at the end there, man, you came through with numbers.

You are the man.

You are the man with the plan, the brother man with the whan.

Whatever.

And I want to thank Tuck, Milkman, Daz, and the other dude.

Brandon Vegas for showing up as well.

Everyone in the chat rooms.

Kokany for sending in the news director of Madhouse Radio.

Kokany, of course, he sent in a lot of articles.

News stories that we talked about here.

again rest in peace

George Carlin

as we talked about

earlier tonight

and a big thanks

to everybody over

at Syndicate Radio

I don't know

what else do we

got to cover

nothing else

I think we

and all of you

125 plus listeners

to join

yeah

we hit a peak

of like 125

tonight

we're still holding

like around 80

listeners total

Syndicate plus

Madhouse

so thanks man

this will definitely

make it to the

podcast for sure

this is podcast

quality

stuff right there

baby

sounds like I

I missed some good calls.

I can't wait for the podcast.

You did, Baz.

You'll check it out.

Anyway, yeah, so be sure to be tuned next week

for another Madhouse Live show.

I'm not going to be able to do a Saturday show this week

because I do have family out of town.

I'm going to try to make it for that Killers of Comedy show

if I can make it happen.

Well, if not, whatever.

I'll catch up on the next one.

I think Bob Levy's coming to Orlando.

He's actually going to be at the Club Taboo.

Thank all our new listeners out there.

Yeah.

I'm going to thank them all.

Everybody who was involved tonight.

You guys are the best fans in the world.

And, man, I tell you what.

but Syndicate is the bomb.

I love being on here.

Everyone, be sure to listen to...

Who's on tomorrow?

Doobie-doobie-doo.

Zolar, I believe, is on tomorrow, right?

Or is he out of town?

I haven't seen him around today.

9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Zolar Party Nation tomorrow night.

Be sure to check that out

and visit ZolarVision.com.

X, Y, Zolar.com.

Gee whizzes, Zolar's not on tomorrow.

Well, then, well, fuck it.

Then listen to whoever's on.

Maybe Rev is going to make his triumphant return or something.

Yeah.

We're out of here, folks.

Be sure to stay tuned to Syndicate Radio here

Where you can hear lots of amazing stuff

And look at Bear Bressus

Woohoo

All right for Bressus

Peace out my niggas

I don't see no Bressus

Look right here Milkman

Look it's in my pants

Look in the mirror

Take off your shirt

Pair of floppies

Tornado in his pants

Watch out

Hurricane Curly

Hurricane Hermano

In bed

Peace out

Thanks a lot for the fun man

Thanks a lot

Five Thursday nights at 10pm Eastern

Why don't you shut the hell up

Fuck you! Fuck you, fucking...

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (18, 59 min of 2 h 7 min)

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