3 Year Anniversary Show

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

You motherfucking prick!

What's up? What's going on? Good evening.

Madhouse Radio's back. Three-year anniversary show.

A loudness in the air.

Look, man, tell those people to keep it down, please, if you could.

If you don't mind, get some crowd control up in this bitch.

Appreciate it.

Madhouse Radio, third-year anniversary show.

We've made it three frickin' years.

Tres años, everybody.

Thank you, everybody who's listening tonight, making it happen.

I consider it, I consider it by none, by far, by none, by far the best year that we've ever

had on Madhouse Radio has been this third year, man.

No doubt about it.

Most definitely, everybody.

Last season, you know, you never know.

Still thinking about it, might be the last season right here, last year of the show.

Enjoy it while you can, lose it or use it.

Lose it or use it.

I'm out of it tonight.

The greatest show in the history of internet radio and prank calls is on the air as always.

Ready to have fun.

There will never be another show like this when we do indeed go off the air.

I want to thank everybody listening to us tonight on the Madhouse Radio Network.

98.6 the mouth.

All right, and everybody over at syndicateradio.tv.

Nice celebration show we're going to have here tonight.

Not a lot of new prank calls tonight.

Just to let you guys know ahead of time, we're not planning on having a large number of calls.

Live calls, that is.

But we do have a lot of different categories that go through awards, as we always do here every year on the show.

We always go through different awards for the last year.

We do a retrospect.

We're actually going to be counting down the number 10, top 10 prank calls of the year.

So look forward to that, everybody.

You're going to have fun tonight, regardless.

We'll do some prank calls.

We'll do some new ones.

But mostly a retrospective show here, mostly for the podcast.

And we are going to be giving out.

We're going to be giving out one free Madhouse CD here.

Pretty early in the show, actually.

Going to be autographing it here.

the last one that's come out of production

since

the production line dropped off

so this is actually

hopefully we can start making some new ones

you know I never got mine

I know yeah

I'm sorry

Kokanee paid for one and I haven't been able to send it to him

you know how much it costs to ship stuff to Canada

it's insane I had no idea

I had to return that to him and send it to him somehow

it's crazy you gotta do

fill out a little form and stick it in the back

yeah

Yeah.

You've got to email that sucker.

I've got to email him the damn CD with an autograph.

I'm going to have to do something, man.

Well, that's right.

You're all in the madhouse.

Thank you all for listening here.

We've got a bunch of categories to go through.

What are those categories?

I didn't bring them.

I didn't list them out like I usually do, but I know them off the top of my head.

You know, I forgot to start the recorder here, too.

Whoops.

That's not good.

Let's fix that.

No.

There we go.

Now we're recording the show.

You've got to do it all again.

Anyway, so introduction.

You've got to do it all again.

Introduction share real quick on the round table as usual

None other than the official co-host

For three years running

Milkman, what's up Milkman, how you doing bro

Hey man, it's Ed Motten and Joe

Hey

This has been one hell of a

Three years, I can't believe

Ten minutes

We're starting in our fourth year I guess

Good lord have mercy

Good lord have mercy baby Jesus

All the lords in the god from the earth

287 years my friend

Yeah, man, thanks

And of course, Tuck is here also from the great state of Tennessee

Tennessee

Hey, Carlito

Hi, Jason

Doing good, man

Thanks for being on also

We've got a lot of people who are listening tonight

I want to thank all of you

Lonesome Losers in the house

Game Green

Kokanee, the official news director of the show

Clay is in the house

Douche is back

DTT

I mean, the list goes on and on

I want to just say, you know, a quick one down.

You know, really, let's talk about what's been going on this year.

This is one of the bigger events, of course.

Probably the most biggest one is the fact that, you know, we went independent.

We broke our alliance, our fruitless alliance with KDK.

We went independent, and I've got to say it's been the best decision we've ever made on this show.

We've expanded our listenership.

It allowed us to go on what I think is, I wouldn't have it any other way, I say this a lot,

but being on Syndicate Radio, I love the people there, good people, good staff,

made a lot of friends there, and a lot of listeners.

And thanks to them, we've hit several times this last season,

over 100 live viewers and listeners at one time.

That's a record here.

So definitely, we could not have done it.

I don't think I would have kept doing this show had it not been for Syndicate Radio.

So big thanks to Dino, Zolar, and everyone else over there.

Those are great numbers.

Oh, yeah, awesome stuff.

And, you know, a lot of people have been listening to this show for a long time since the beginning.

Tuck, you're one.

Milkman, of course, DTT has been with us forever.

A lot of long-time listeners like Saigon and such are all out there.

So thanks, all of you.

You're all important.

Of course, Lonesome Loser has been with us since the beginning.

You know what I mean?

Anyway, so as I said, we have a lot of different categories.

We are going to do the top ten pranks of the year.

We have the top international prank call will be awarded tonight

as well as the best prank call of the year, of the season, of the third season.

We're also going to have the best tag team prank call will be awarded,

the best guest prank caller will be awarded,

the best dramatic moment and the best episode of the season will also be played here tonight.

Milkman, yes, you have a question, my friend.

What is your question?

Oh, I just wanted to make a note there.

Hmm?

What happened?

I have an international calling card available.

Awesome, good.

Good.

See, yeah, we need to do some British UK wake-up calls, man.

A tradition here that we started, not anybody else.

That's about what they'll have you believe.

We are the originators of the UK wake-up prank calls here, Madhouse Radio.

And the mouth, of course, as I said before, independent now.

The mouth opened up almost a year ago and been running strong ever since, 24-7.

Like I said, it's been a great thing.

Anyway, for those who want to win, non-Madhouse staff only.

If you're a member of the show, I would ask you please to refrain.

And if you are going to be participating in this contest, it's a really easy one.

It's just a giveaway.

But please do not come and say, oh, I don't want the prize because then I'm going to have to come up with another contest.

So don't do that.

But the first person who reports to me, what is the first prank call that we ever did on this show?

Milkman, stay quiet.

quiet first prank call that we ever did live on this show wins a copy of the madhouse radio cd

how's your fat ass doing right there with original artwork by tuck i will autograph it here live on

the air right there the donkey machine is right there so anybody out there who can name the first

prank call we ever did live here on the air back in july 14th of 2005 uh we will go ahead and send

you a free copy of the cd it doesn't get any better than that be sure to download your free

I think I know what it is, but I can't tell.

That's right, Nunu wins.

How much is it going to cost me to send a CD to the UK?

Someone tell me.

Oh, fuck me.

A lot.

Why didn't I do this stipulation?

No Americans only.

All right, fine.

Thank you, Nunu.

To lay down your big mouth.

I know.

I opened way too wide, and this is what happens.

Well, perhaps Nunu would be gracious enough to give it to someone else.

I mean, I'm going to send it to Lonesome Loser.

You know what I'm going to do?

Say you only have a record player or something.

I'm going to send it to Lonesome Loser.

You know why?

Because he just did a good call.

I took a big shit one.

You know, I'll give it to you for that.

Well, I'll send a new one also, I suppose.

But here's the first prank call we ever did.

Literally, the first call we ever dialed on this show was this one right here.

Where is Pasquale?

The very first one.

It was a knockaway hit.

Let's play it right now, Milkman.

Your favorite.

Hello.

Hey.

Hey, Pasquale.

Hello.

You son of a bitch, speak English, America.

You son of a bitch, you motherfucking, I'm going to speak Spanish.

I know, you speak English, I say.

You motherfucking, you motherfucking.

All right, go ahead, man.

You motherfucking, you.

You bitch.

Don't never, don't never call again to this point, man.

Mow my lawn, mow my lawn.

You motherfucking.

Why are you so angry?

What's my squad?

I'm going to fuck you, man.

There it is right there, the first prank call we ever did live on this show.

I mean, I mean, that right there was just a testament.

You know, I got confused.

You did.

I love that one.

I was thinking, I was thinking, which actually, technically, is the first Carlito call, which

was the drunk, the taxi cab call.

Ah, Nigga Cab, that's right.

That's what I was thinking.

That was pre-Madhouse.

Yeah.

I did that one, like, I did that in 1999.

Right, that was the first Carlito.

That was, yeah, that was back in 99.

I was like, wow, how old was I, 20 years old when I did that?

I didn't know it was that bad.

That's okay, man.

Good guess, though.

Hey, we don't play that.

Maybe we'll play that later tonight.

Anyway, so the first award of the night will be...

Milkman, cut the music, please, if you don't mind.

Please, sir.

Oratic.

And this is multiple winners for this one here.

The best episode of the year goes to the conference special,

which features Turd Burglar and myself and, of course, Ted Webb.

up so winners here uh for for that right there the the best episode of the year was the conference

special you can check that out over at madhouse live.com hilarious show that we did on the cuff

out of nowhere if you missed it you know we and here's we're going to explain all these pranks

in detail we're going to break them all down and you guys are welcome to comment on them as we do

it and you are on that too milkman we we had you join in at the end so congratulations milkman you

win a special gold star and one goes to ted turd burglar and i'll take one myself all right good

good deal so basically we got the idea to just conference people out the wazoo we had four people

up at a time sometimes on on the conference line we were conference calling walmart's and mcdonald's

and starbucks and steak houses and stuff together and holding corporate conference calls about weird

shit so go to the madhouse website check out that episode it's called the conference special you'll

see it up there and here's a highlight from that show this is hey steak man and this is an idea of

how that whole episode went.

Walmart, how can I help you?

Sorry, what?

Someone just called me from this number.

This is a...

So, you don't know anybody that works here, or...

What is...

No, I'm sorry.

It's got the wrong number, then.

All right, that's it right there.

Hey, Steakman.

And that's just a taste of that whole two-hour episode.

You know, I'm banned from Walmart now.

Yeah, you are?

What'd you do, shoplift?

What'd you steal, man?

Toilet paper?

No, the CD that I just did, Walmart won't carry it.

Uh-huh.

Because of too many marijuana implications in the content.

Well, that'll do it, Tuck, you know.

Typically, we're banned from Walmart.

I quit smoking pot.

You should, too.

We should all stop smoking marijuana.

McSticky's, my friend.

McSticky's.

You can't get it at Walmart, but I know it's on iTunes.

Check it out.

iTunes, man.

Download it.

99 cents.

God damn it.

And everywhere else.

Everywhere else out there.

Cool.

All right.

Well, go get it and get my cover.

Hell yeah

So a big what's up to

A big what's up to

A big what's up to Dr. Lego

Supposedly he's talking shit about my fiance

Dr. Lego show some respect sir

Dr. Lego

He's just upset that he didn't win

This next prize he did last year

Dr. Lego was the big winner

Last year for the next prize we're giving out

The next award for most dramatic moment

Dr. Lego

Relinquishing his claim to that throne

It's going to none other this year than, any guess, Tuck, Milkman,

who do you guys guess would win the most dramatic moment of the third season?

It's an obvious, it's a giveaway.

Just to let you know, he gets it for the whole year, as a matter of fact.

Come on, come on.

He's on this show every night.

It starts with a K and ends with a K and has a D in the end.

KDK, congratulations, winner of the dramatic moment of the year.

Here, here's a little taste of that.

This came from our secret source, The Arm, in April.

KDK hates on Carlito.

This is just a taste of the whole last 365 days of KDK hating me for no reason.

All because I dropped him on his ass and got tired of carrying his station.

Here we go.

Come on, man.

I don't say I hate this one or I hate that one or I hate this person because of that.

Well, he does.

I want Carlito to broadcast.

I want him to not be such an asshole.

That's what I want.

I want him to be cool, but it's unbeneficial for him to be such an asshole.

I love Carmelo. He's a friend of mine.

And it hurts me deeply that he says hateful things on the air about us.

What do you mean about that?

Well, it hurts me deeply that you allow him to say hurtful things about people.

To be honest with you, I don't even believe he believes in the hate that he talks.

I think that he feels pressured to speak the hate that comes out of his mouth

by people who are on the show and people who listen.

I don't think Carlito is a hateful person,

but I think he's such a tool and a puppet

that he allows people to tell him what to think and feel and do and say.

What I want is Carlito not to be such a homophobic douchebag.

That's what I want.

That's the resolution that I want from things.

It's not a big deal to be bisexual.

It's not a big deal.

Most of us are, whether we want to admit it or not, we are.

I'm just very hurt and disappointed that he would be so hurtful and angry towards me over no reason.

What I would consider no reason, I would have to say.

I'm sure he has reasons for being angry, but...

And that's KDK, everybody.

If you don't know who KDK is, don't worry about it.

He loves you.

He loves me, but he hates me.

You know, I heard that KDK has quit drinking alcohol and stuff.

stuff if the guy didn't have any the only thing he had going for him he's he's at his best when

he's out of it and he's drunk and he and he rants what i'm sounding me to talk bad about the guy

when kicking man when he's down but i did bury him like i have everybody else's cross agree with

me on that i buried anybody who crossed me out i buried blackout i buried uh pcr i buried who else

did i bury i buried a lot of people just kidding dr lego i love you bro bro bro anyway dr lego in

man i love dr lego he's the man we'll be taking callers here in a little bit we're gonna do some

crying in the end of that tape there that last segment that we had yeah we have we we had a

point there was a time i'm so bad man this one time he was on the air really drunk and i told

reclute hey man uh kdk is on the air drunk reclute called and like made him cry on the air like on a

show it was so bad i feel so bad about doing that it's so wrong the guy's suicidal and shit but

But whatever, man.

Don't cross me, KDK.

Taught you a lesson, man.

Got to teach you a lesson.

I'm about to light a cigar here for this.

But you see, people pointing out, I am dressed up.

I got my suit on.

Got a nice shirt.

I'm not shaved.

I need a haircut.

But at least I got the suit on.

Who else is wearing a suit out there?

Lonesome Loser is...

Is that mine on?

Yeah, we're going to be doing some white prank calls here soon.

Lonesome Loser has sent in a bunch of numbers.

Nunu coming in with the convention.

Over there in L.A., Man of the Marriott.

The National Association's Advanced Fat Acceptance.

Woo!

Yeah, people.

Dude, that's not even that.

...you have used to dial.

To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm.

We'll do that, everybody.

We're going to be doing that next.

Yeah.

We're doing that pretty soon here.

He is letting us in.

I look good.

That's cool, man.

Thank you for being attracted to me.

It's all good.

No problem with that.

So, yeah, we're going to have some live pranks here in a moment.

We're going to do some more awards here, do some live pranks, and then we're going to do the countdown.

Top ten pranks of the year, including the best prank call of the year at the end of the show.

Coming up next, right here, right now, we've got the winner of the Best New Character of the Year.

Now, you two guys, Tuck and Milkman, you tell me.

And then this is a new character that we had that came out this year.

I'm going to say, first of all, it wasn't my character.

Who would you think that I decided to appropriate that to?

What's your guess, Tuck?

Richie Randall.

Very good, sir.

Reclute.

He's not around tonight, but he's already won.

He won last year for Best Guest Pranker.

Well, he needs to be.

Well, he shouldn't be.

He's probably busy, but this is a sample of probably the best Richie Randall call of the year.

Richie Randall, it's kind of a mix of Prank Master, a.k.a. what's his name now?

Major Chaos, and a nerd guy.

It's a character he brought out.

Oh, Pedo.

Pedo.

We laughed hilariously at these calls.

He did one that is Richie Randall.

I'll be nice, boys.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, here's Richie Randall, everybody.

It's a prank called Monkey Bar.

This is from March.

It's a little long.

We might cut it off, but it's really funny.

Listen to this guy.

Everybody enjoy this.

We'll be right back with some, well, whatever.

We're doing a show now.

Shut up and listen, all right?

Listen, this is my show.

I do what I want.

Yeah, how you doing?

Here's what's going on.

This girl named Francine is about to come down, and we want to know, like,

do you guys got a table with candlelight on there, or how do you work it?

We have live music tonight.

Okay, well, here's the deal, right?

I have $100 plus a money for drill.

Just wondering if I could pay you people, you know what I'm saying,

to make me believe that I'm, like, totally important.

Pull me up on stage and be used as a man of the hour.

Can you say something like, if you bark 10?

Yeah.

Okay, well, you know what I'm saying?

Say, I'll die.

I'm just not going to, like, I don't feel comfortable like that.

Come on, just try to help.

I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable.

It's really, you know what I'm saying?

Man, I don't get many girls, and I'm just trying to...

Guy.

He's unavailable. I'm the only one on shift.

Come on. Money's no object, as long as it's less.

You know what I mean? You could just say, hey, he's a nice guy.

Just put in... Like, I'll go to the bathroom.

Take any kind of money. I'm not going to do anything.

Okay, well, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

Put a good word in for me. I just say, he's a special.

I'll give you my...

Anita.

Are you a bartender?

Oh, wonderful.

Okay, well, here's the thing.

He's trying to...

He's going to do a drink. I'm 23, so there's no problem with IDs or anything.

They think on the side, but she's not going to know about it.

Like, the boss comes over and says, hey, here's his.

Okay.

You know, I mean, I'm.

From him.

From you.

Tell her it's from me.

Say it's on the house.

The other thing was, I was going to pay to pick and have a show dance song.

Play, like, Keeper of the Stars.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe, yeah.

Can't mandate anything.

Put in.

Or what?

Yeah.

And I, you know, I got her a number one.

And, you know, saying, like, you never, you remember that opera, Gentlemen?

Where are we?

The hip.

You can ask them if they could just dedicate a song to hip hop.

Yeah, but, you know, everybody's got.

Okay, well, she likes hip-hop, though.

Coming in tonight.

We'll have valid ID.

Oh, yeah.

She's about, like, Randy Randall?

Yeah.

Excuse me, I got braces.

And you're wasted.

I'm going to be wearing a bow tie.

She's a little big.

You're talking to the queen of big.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you know what I'm talking about.

You know, I just think.

I need a little help every now and then.

Service bar to order.

Yeah, we'll just go up there to order.

What you should do is take a piece of paper, Richie Randall,

I'll hold it up and give it to the bartender when you place an order,

and then I'll let two bartenders know what's going down,

and then they can bring another drink to Francine then and say,

this is a note,

you know i and name the kind of drink that you want the bartender to fix

francine and then just slide it along with your money so that they know what to do and we'll

We'll bring the drink out to her, which is kind of special since we're just a service bar.

Oh, wow.

And put it at the...

Yeah, what's your name again?

My name's Anita.

Later.

That's Pranks available over at the Madhouse website, madhouselive.com.

Be sure to check that out.

Anyway, that is Reclude and Richie Randall, winner of the Best New Character of the third season.

Congratulations, Reclude, wherever you are, man.

You win five Madhouse dollars and a dildo, autographed by Athena.

Autographed in a special way, if you know what I mean.

Okay.

Anyway, I've turned on the toll-free line if you want to call in.

The toll-free line is now open.

It's 1-888-278-8509.

Again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

That's where you can reach us here tonight.

You can also message me at Madhouse Radio if you're using KOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

You've got a big old cigar smoking on camp there.

Oh, and I am on beer number three.

everybody. Beer No. 3 here on Madhouse

Radio. If you're not drinking a beer or whatever

it is, whatever number you're on,

please, please everybody

go ahead and drink Beer No. 3 right now.

Consider it No. 3 if you know me.

Milkman says, call Debra.

Debra Mansfield, dude.

We didn't call her at all this year, did we?

She doesn't like to play anymore.

I said we call her. You got a point, Milkman.

I got her number and I will call her. Nobody

else. Excuse me.

Nunu is sending in the people who are sitting at

at the National Association of Fat Acceptance Conference,

which is being held now in L.A.

We'll be calling them shortly.

Jason Dougherty, co-chair from Canada.

Francis White.

That's a fat person's name.

I always like to do this.

These are definitely big fat people names.

Peggy, Phyllis, Carol, Francis.

Names like that that just scream,

I weigh 482 pounds like Jack Masterson.

You know?

Anyway.

That's why they blew up.

Yes, sir.

They just named that.

So I want to give a big what's up to everybody who's listening tonight.

We're up to 72 listeners total on all our different networks.

Thank you, everybody, for listening.

We're enjoying the third-year anniversary show here at Madhouse Radio.

We're counting down next the top ten prank calls of the year,

the last year that we've done.

And we're going to be doing some live pranks here also.

So let's go ahead and do the number ten prank call of the year.

This is American Bastard.

Now, American Bastard, basically, this one came in from Nunu.

Nunu reported in the U.K. where he lives, there was a curry restaurant that had just been shut down and fined for having an excessive amount of cockroaches found in the restaurant.

They had just reopened, and right after they reopened the place, we gave him a call and ordered cockroaches with our meal, and the guy got very upset, called me an American Bastard.

He's going to give that a call.

Here's the number 10 prank call of the year.

10.

two of us he said a portion i'm explaining i want the whole thing not just a portion of it

no the whole thing is one portion you got two pieces and the chutney okay but what i'm saying

i don't want a portion of the order i want the whole order you know i want the whole thing not

just a part of it not a portion you want a completion of it yeah yeah you know like uh

we that is a whole bit two completions yeah okay two completions yeah okay great two two of them

I see the chicken curry with extra cockroaches.

Pardon?

With extra cockroaches, please.

Where are you calling from?

The States of America.

Do you have any palmetto beetles?

We call them cockroaches.

Come here and say that.

Well, I'm making an order.

It's a free country, sir.

This is America.

I make an order where I want.

I feel like I want it.

No, I want it.

I'm not trying to shut your mouth.

Sir, I'm American.

Watch your mouth.

Shut the fuck up, you bastard.

Excuse me, this is...

American bastard.

How dare you, sir.

Shut up.

After what we've done for you, you wake up in the morning, you thank God for us.

All right, there it is, everybody, the number 10 prank call of the year.

American Master, you can check that out over at madhouseside.com.

We're going to do some live pranks right now for a little while,

then we're going to break it down and continue the countdown of the year.

It is July 10th, 10.40 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, 7.40 Pacific, Thursday as usual.

We're here having fun, Milkman and Tuck co-chairing the show, the roundtable as usual.

Gin Store was supposed to make an appearance tonight.

I talked to him last week.

He's doing good.

If anybody's wondering,

Jen Stewart's doing fine.

Had a brief conversation with him.

He said he was going to try to make it for tonight,

but apparently he could not.

I know Sean Ward talked to me earlier today,

gave us his congratulations.

Sean Ward said he was going to try

to make an appearance tonight,

but he might be busy, he said.

He had something going on in the studio.

But definitely, Sean Ward, what's up, bro?

Good friend of ours.

If you're listening, you're the man.

Madhouse Radio, you're on the air, my friend.

How you doing?

What's up, Carlito?

This is DTT.

DTT, doing good, man.

Good to hear from you.

How about you?

Happy anniversary.

Yeah, man.

How you been?

I'm fine, man.

Yeah?

You've been listening since day one, huh?

Yeah, since you did on now.

Pasquale.

Yeah.

Yeah, buddy.

Whatever happened to him?

Why can't we don't prank him?

That guy, you know what it was?

There was a legitimate guy named Pasquale who called me at work that same day.

Yeah.

And he yelled at me at work for no reason.

And I was like, you know what?

I'm going to get him back.

I'm going to get revenge on him.

So I tried to call.

I dialed the wrong number.

And I got him.

And he was even funnier.

than the guy I was going to call.

Yeah, do you still have his number?

The thing is, I have the real Pasquale's number,

but I have no idea what the number is

that I dialed an accident.

I dialed the wrong number.

Yeah.

And Saigon is too scared to call you.

He's always making fun of me on the chat room.

Yeah, you know, Saigon likes to pick.

He's never called into any show.

No one knows what he sounds like.

He's scared.

As far as I know.

Yeah.

Nothing but chicken shit.

I think Saigon is really a chick.

I think he's a 27-year-old.

For the first time

I've always wondered

How old is Saigon

He just said he's 27

For the first time

I figured that out

He's 27

Like where does Saigon live

Is he Vietnamese

No he said he's 15

No he said he's 27

Milkman

Is he Vietnamese

Because he has the name Saigon

You know

Yeah Saigon is funny

But Saigon is a liar

He's a call man

He's always busting my balls

In the chat

He's a call

He says

He never calls

He's always scared

To call

He is scared to call you.

He likes you, man.

You know, he used to bust my balls like crazy, and now me and him, we're tight.

Now, we're not tight, but we respect each other.

No, I know.

I know Saigon is cool, man.

Yeah.

But he needs to call, man.

He needs to call, Saigon.

You know, I tried for years to get him to call.

He used to say, you know, I challenge Saigon to call.

He never calls.

He won't call.

Saigon, call in, man.

When he's ready.

Maybe he'll call by our last show next May, if that is indeed the end of the show.

If Saigon goes to Philly, I'm going to go to Philly.

If Saigon goes to Philly, I'll go.

Dude, I'm going to be scared you and Saigon both go to Philly.

You're probably going to do something really bad to him, aren't you?

No.

I don't know.

You're going to face him towards Mecca and cut his throat or something, aren't you?

No, I'm not going to do anything.

Okay, don't do that, man.

Just be cool, be cool.

Oh, I'm going to come.

I'm going to try.

Yeah, we're all going to come.

We're going to do it on a Friday night, man.

That's good.

Friday night show.

Hopefully Zolar said he'll make it like all those people.

We're going to have a big time.

Good time.

Live prank calls and stuff.

And we're also planning on

We're going to be at a comic book convention

Next February

I always say that wrong

We're going to be doing a live show

Live on a Saturday afternoon

From a comic book convention

Tuck said he might try to make it

What happened to Sean Ward man

He needs to come back on the syndicate

He's busy

He works on a TV show

He had a new comic book

The Benny Bunny comic book

Just came out a few weeks ago

He's got an album out

Music wise

and he's a busy guy

he doesn't have time

for the pranks

but he still supports

the prank call community

but he definitely

I heard from him today

he said he was going

to be listening

so maybe he'll call in

you know

keep listening

maybe Sean will call in

but a big what's up to Sean

and Si needs to call in too

alright well

there it is

Si Kid Chuck

what's up man

the DTT challenge

did he call you before

Si Chuck

I've heard him

I don't think he's ever

called into the show

but I've heard him

you know on the air before

yeah he's a cool guy

he's been around for a long time

Rev doesn't call in

Rev does not like me

I don't think

but that's okay

he doesn't like you

he'll give a shit

eh who cares

about that stuff

kid Brad

he's a good guy

alright

DTT man

thank you

one of our

oldest listeners

alright man

have a good night

alright it's DTT

DTT

I'm getting drunk

I gotta slow my roll

and turn to KDK

over here

if you're number 3

you just did it

okay anyway

so

let's do a live

prank call

why don't we

let's see who we got

Let's see who we got

Nunu is

Debra Mansfield up there

Yeah we got Debra

Let's call Debra Mansfield

Let's do that

Good deal

Good idea

And what was she called

Reckless bus driver

Is that the prank

That we have of hers

Remind me who Debra Mansfield

Is again

Milkman does

Milkman knows her the best

Milkman who is Debra Mansfield

Explain it to the people

Milkman explain it to the people

Bus driver

Give it to the people

Bus driver

Okay that's what we got to go with

Alright Milkman

Good explanation

Here's a bit of Debra Mansfield

While I try to make the call

I'm calling with the Department of Motor Vehicles

How are you?

We need you to come in tomorrow

For a driver's assessment

We've received a few complaints on your license plate

We pulled them and we need you to come in

To fill out a driver's assessment

In order to retain driving privileges

Your driving privileges

Are in danger of being revoked

We need you to come in for a alternate

Driver's assessment tomorrow morning

8 o'clock

Your driving privileges are going to be revoked unless you can come in tomorrow and pass your driver's assessment.

We're actually going to be drawing blood for an alcohol and abusive substance test.

Yes, it is. I'm Jack Masterson with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

You've had three complaints within the last 72 hours.

Three complaints of what?

Of reckless driving.

No, not me. You got the wrong one.

According to this, if you don't pass this test, we're going to be drawing blood,

and you have to do the written test.

If you fail, you're going to lose your driving...

Where was I cited for reckless driving?

I'm not allowed to give that information until you come in tomorrow.

Where was I? This doesn't sound legitimate to me,

so I'll just contact the state representative or somebody.

Well, he can't help you.

I never had to call at no 15 minutes before you.

You can call your lawyer, you can call your pastor, it doesn't matter,

but if you don't come in tomorrow, you better not be driving.

Where was I reckless driving at?

Down the highway.

The interstate.

Interstate, Maine.

Hello, may I speak with Debra, please?

He's not seeing who's calling.

Hey, baby, how you doing, girl?

I want your sweet potato pie.

Remember that one time you made that sweet potato pie and I ate some of it?

No.

What was it that you put in it, like cinnamon or nutmeg?

Where was it at?

I bought it at that bake sale.

You had that sweet potato pie.

You said, come here, baby, eat this sweet potato pie.

Oh, you got the wrong Debra.

Bitch, Debra Mansfield.

Remember, you drive the bus?

who is this this is i'm the guy who washes the bus and you wash the bus yeah that one holiday

we all had to bring in a cover plate and you brought in that pie sweet potato pie and i said

what you putting this and you said it was like grape jam not grape jelly grape jam oh you got

the wrong one baby girl deborah you ride the bus right no do you drive the bus what do you mean i

know we go we don't remember we had that cover dish who are you i'm the guy that washes the bus

Man, this is Matt. This is Valente. All right work. Yeah, I watched the bus at work

I watched the buses at work work. Oh, I work you drive the bus at work

You remember you brought a sweet potato pie

You brought something in that tasted good

Remember that time I hate your pussy. No

No, I don't remember that neither.

You guys don't eat your pussy, right?

No.

You don't let guys do it?

No.

You wouldn't let me.

You'd let me do it.

No, I didn't let you do it.

I don't know who you are.

Oh, I go down there and be like,

Dad, you were like,

Oh, baby, eat my sweet potato pie.

No, I ain't talking about no potato pie.

I tell you, you got the wrong devil.

That's what you call it.

It's like your baby name.

What's my last name?

Mansfield.

Oh, I got you there, right?

I ate your pussy.

No, that ain't my last name.

Yeah, you called it sweet potato pie.

I was down there.

And it was like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Now where?

At what bus company?

Inside your bus, I did it.

What bus?

The bus.

The bus you drive, baby.

No, no, you don't get me.

What bus do I drive?

You had your skirt.

You pulled it up, and you pulled your pants.

I know you're lying now, because you know what?

You pulled your pants to the side.

I don't need my skirt.

Well, you took your pants off.

No, I ain't took no pants off, because I ain't never been with you.

I ain't been with nobody on that bus job, or bus job nowhere.

You pulled your pants to the side, and you gave me a slice of that sweet potato pie.

Oh, no, I ain't gave you nothing new as this.

You're a pervert.

It was a little hairy, though.

Why don't you shave that monkey down there?

What's going on with you?

Well, you know what?

I don't know what monkey you're talking about, because you the monkey, because I don't even know who you are.

You got a monkey down there, all hairy like an ape, like a big gorilla.

Oh, no, you ain't been with me.

You got gorilla parts.

No, you got gorilla parts.

And you got a warped-ass man that you call, and I know you're a fool, but you're a grown man that you would call and have a ridiculous conversation like this with me.

I don't know you, and I don't swing that way.

And I don't know why you calling me bothering me.

I want some of your 42-year-old.

Because I don't know.

You're not getting anything.

You'll get some of this 357 I got laying up in here.

That's what you get.

Oh.

Is that what you call it, the 357?

357.

Oh, that sounds good, baby.

Is that like some kind of alcohol?

Yeah, you're going to get it, too.

Does it taste good?

Do what?

Does it taste good?

Do what?

Does it taste good, baby?

Yeah, it tastes good once I hit you in the head with it.

Oh, you're going to sit on my face?

You know what?

You're crazy.

Whoever you are, you know what?

You need to go seek psychiatric care.

You know what I did the other day?

Remember that pair of panties you lost?

You ain't got no panties I lost.

I got your dirty panties and I'm smelling them right now.

You know what?

Listen, listen, listen.

I got your panties right here.

You have got some shoes and little problems.

You know what?

I didn't get sick of your conversation

And I'm about to hang up this phone

I was trying to get sick of your panties

Because you got the wrong person

And you are reminiscing the wrong

I haven't been with you

I don't know you

I don't know nothing about you

Are you black or white?

I'm black

I'm a fool with black men

So I knew it ain't none of you's bad

I was sure she fools with black men

Damn, she's like Crazy Alice over there

You know my man

He's lying

There's a black guy there at the house, man

I love Debra Mansfield we got you on camera also

ma'am I can't get that out over the phone you know that you may be a mass

murderer or anybody else you just don't have to take me to court what's the big

At 10 minutes to 12 tonight, you're going to call me and you jack Masterson and you can't tell me what I've done.

You were down I-70 and I-0, man.

You were tracked by the cameras at the intersections.

In what kind of car?

I don't have the color of your car.

I don't have time to do that.

I drive a school bus, so was it on my job or in my car?

It was a yellow bus.

No, and you know what?

You got me wrong, man, because I don't use interstate on my run.

Oh, really?

No, I don't.

Well, not according to this information here.

Not on the interstate.

I'm not on the interstate in my bus.

My route is in the city streets.

Let me ask you a question.

Would you pass a drug test if we were to ask you to do that right now?

Oh, yes.

I don't do drugs, and I don't do alcohol.

And, you know, you can call the hospital and the hospital where I am treated.

Well, that's not what your pastor says.

What pastor?

Your pastor of the church and your parole officer.

I ain't got no pastor, no parole officer.

I'll tell you, you got the wrong...

God damn it, woman.

Don't you talk to me like that.

Well, God damn it, don't you call my house no more.

And you better not let me find out who you are.

You crazy ass something.

You better get off the phone because I'm going to call the real damn police.

All right, that's her right there.

Beautiful Debra Mansfield.

Oh, that was a great call, man.

Thanks, Milkman, for reminding me about her.

We haven't called her in a while.

Excellent call, dude.

Oh, man.

Dude, you had her going, man.

She was hot, man.

Yeah.

She was ready to bust off one right there in your face.

Oh, man.

Yeah, she's all about it.

All right.

All right, well, let's move on.

We're going to do another prank call in a second.

Before we do that, I see Baz is in the house.

Hey, Baz, thanks for checking out on the three-year anniversary.

I don't know if you're vocal, but Baz is in the conference room.

I want to give a big what's up to everybody who's listening.

Hey, Big Baz.

Big, big, big.

Ooh, I'm getting an echo there.

That's not good.

All right, so just a quick rundown.

Bad Boys of Iowa are listening tonight.

Bad Boys, I understand they have their own show now.

That's pretty cool.

calling and promote that man um crazy heretic beaver goblins in the house disturbed uh dog

house dtt of course really talked to him uh the geek guy syndicate uh syndicate saigons in the

syndicate awesome angelo uh machine lonesome loser of course you already said what's up to

him monkey man number one uh who who's that over there mac d it was like a nico nick nick nick

nico rev is in the house he's been gone he was gone for a while the good sidekick chuck what's

What's up, Sidekick, man?

How you doing, man?

And Wake and Bake, of course, we've got a lot of people in the house.

Over in the Madhouse side of things, Douches is here, of course.

DTT's in there.

Gangrene, he is a legend.

I need to go to the PO Box.

He sent me some mail.

He sent me, he made this cool-looking, like, graffiti, urban-looking Madhouse logo thing.

And he said he mailed it to me.

I've got to go pick that up, man.

The guy's an artist.

Good stuff.

Jimbo's in the house.

Big Jim.

Of course, Kokanee's in the house.

Our news director.

We've got some news articles we'll mention here in a moment.

Big Tank, Talon and Mr. Ripley, MSG3 Clay, and New News in the House.

We're going to be calling in that fat acceptance conference pretty soon here.

We've got some people to target.

In the meantime, here's the number nine best of the year prank call of season number three.

This one is a favorite of Saigon's and others out there.

This is an older prank call.

We did this early in the season, sometime around November, I believe it was, or October perhaps.

perhaps. This is Dr. Nargis. I changed my voice to sound deeper. Now, these are a pair of Mexican

boys who are painters. And I gave them a call and said I wanted them to make a painting for me. And

they paint walls. They don't do actual paintings. But regardless, they were pretty funny. And this

is the Dr. Nargis prank call. Dr. Nargis, if you don't know, Nargis is Spanish for butt cheeks.

So basically, I'm telling them my name is Dr. Butt Cheeks. Isn't that funny? Ha, ha, ha. Here we

Oh, yeah, funny guy.

Number nine.

Hello, this is Dr. Nargas.

May I speak with Don Carlos, please?

Yeah, this is Juan Carlos.

Juan Carlos, this is Dr. Nargas.

How are you?

Fuck you.

Hey, fuck you, man.

Come on.

Come do my painting for me, please.

You gotta be fucking shitting me, you fucking stupid-ass, dumb-ass, whore-ass doctor.

Is that all you know how to say to a doctor?

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

Uh, you, you probably gotta be a fucking beaner to be doing this at this fucking time.

Hey man, my shoes cost more than, than you get paid this week.

Shut the fuck up, you fucking crimey ass dick.

How much you get paid, you get paid this week?

Bitch, more than you, that's for sure.

I'm a doctor, how is that possible?

How is that a doctor, and then what, you want me to paint a picture for you fucking dumbass bitch?

Look, I'm a bad doctor, I do bad things.

I know you're a fucking bad doctor, you fucking like to stick your finger up your asshole.

I do, and then I make it.

You do the fucking prostate exams for yourself.

I make people smell my finger.

Yeah, go suck a dick, bitch.

Yours? How much is it?

How much is what?

Your dick.

My dick?

How much is it? How much?

It doesn't have a price for you, you fucking gay queer bastard.

I'm a gay queer doctor, and I make abortions.

Yeah, why don't you go fucking sit on a black dick?

I don't have to, but you don't tell me what to do because I'm a doctor.

I'll tell you what to do.

I'll tell you to go suck a fucking dick, motherfucker.

How many times are you going to say that word, man?

You don't know what you're going to have to say?

Yeah, I can tell you I'll fuck your mother.

Yeah? How many times are you going to fuck her?

Hold on a second.

Okay, how?

Yes, hi, this is Dr. Nargas, and someone was calling me here making bad noises.

Yo, yeah, it's me, motherfucker.

What the fuck are you calling me this time for?

What do you sound so high for, man?

Is that all you do?

You sit around drinking Corona, painting houses, getting high?

Yeah, motherfuckin', tell me, what do you want me to do for you?

Excuse me?

How do I make my money?

Money make.

Bitch.

It's not that hard to listen, how'd you money make?

You must, man, you're a bad, you smoke, you sniff the paint.

I think you put a straw in the paint bucket and you drink it, man.

Yo, why don't you go suck a dick if you can't even fucking spit?

You told me already that, and I said I don't do that because I'm a doctor, man.

If you're a doctor, go do a fucking prostate exam.

Go do a prostate exam?

Yeah, or stick my fingers up your fucking ass, or you fucking queer-ass doctor.

I'll try that for you right now.

You ready?

Yes.

Okay, hang on.

Listen, listen.

You ready?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

What's your name again?

Dr. Who?

Nodigus.

Nodigus?

Yeah, Dr. Nodigus.

Yeah?

Is that a real Nodigus?

Excuse me, I don't speak that language, man.

So what the fuck do you speak?

I speak English like America, man. I speak American.

No, you definitely don't speak American. You got the words.

This is America. Tell him to stop speaking Spanish in the background, man.

You speak American only in my country, man.

It's not American. It's English, you stupid fuck.

Yeah, he's speaking AI. No sé qué habla. Habla español. Speak American, man.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

This is some fucking Aguardiente.

Aguardiente, yeah, man. Colombia, man.

Aguardiente Cristal, man.

This is fucking Fabian. Yeah, I know it. I'm telling you.

Yo, what's up, man?

Yo, you fucking Colombian bitch. You fucking Fabian Malparido de Buenos Aires.

Fuck you, yo.

Hey, you sister's hot.

man. I got a sister you don't fuck. You don't anymore I took her from you. Over there in that

door over there. Yo man you coming over? You coming over man? Coming over for what bitch?

Come over man. Yeah whatever Dr. Nagas. It's Dr. Nagas man. Fabian Nagas man.

Fabian this is Fabian. Yeah man. Let me talk to him. Okay. Yo. What's up? What's up? What's up

Oh, man, my bad.

I was just playing with you.

Huh?

I was just playing with you, man.

What's up?

Not much, man.

Yo, you pissed off at me?

No.

Yo, you got any of that weed?

No.

Since when you don't got that weed, man?

I don't have weed, man.

I don't smoke weed.

You're Mexican.

You sit around sniffing paint all day, man.

What?

Huh?

No.

Okay, man, I'm gonna go.

Huh?

I'm gonna go.

We're back.

That was the number nine prank call of the year.

Dr. Nargas.

Hope you all enjoyed that.

That's so funny, dude.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

The funny thing is, it's so unbelievable, that voice.

You know, that obviously it's a fake voice, but the guys, they're so dumb and Mexican that they fell for it.

Nothing wrong with Mexicans, but shit, man.

Anyway, so that's the number nine prank call of the year.

That means we have eight left, including, so far we still have the best tag team prank call,

the best international prank call, the best guest caller,

caller and the best prank call altogether of season three coming up uh pretty soon here before

the end of the show it's now 1104 we're heading into the last hour of the show let's go ahead and

try to make a call to the uh national association of fat acceptance apparently new news also

reporting here they have a fashion show tonight whoa fashion show at the national fat association

ploy that's something huh hey hey hey hey baby i think jack needs to call into that one i think

Think so? Good call. Let's do that.

Let's try to call the...

Hang on here, bro. Let's give that a shot here.

Next live prank call. After that, we'll continue the countdown.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio 3-Year Anniversary Show on syndicateradio.tv and 98.6themouth.com.

98.6 themouth.

Calling LAX. This is Shani at your service.

Hello there. I need Peggy Howell's room, please. Peggy Howell.

How do you spell the last name?

Howell. H-O-W-E-L-L. Like Thurston.

One second, please.

I will wait one second. One.

Ha ha ha. You ever get that joke?

Time's up then, huh?

Every night, huh?

Waka, waka, waka.

And what's her first name?

Peggy.

Peggy, Peggy.

Hold on, please.

All right.

What's your name?

Fuck.

I get so frustrated masturbating all the time.

I get some new pussy around here,

you know what I mean?

Gotta find a...

Gotta find a goomah.

Maybe Dr. Leggo has a voicemail,

son of a cock.

I'm sorry, there is no reply.

You fucking cunt.

To leave a voicemail message,

press...

Please wait.

You are being transferred to the operator.

You do that.

What's that about, huh?

Good evening.

Thank you for calling the NX Marriott.

This is Robert.

I'd like to speak with Francis.

white, please. White like the

color. Thank you. Angelo, call me back,

ask her if there's a nice bar in the area.

Bar in my pets. That's what I'll tell her.

Idea, Angelo. A gold star for that.

Jesus, what's with

these fatties? I think they're all at the

fashion show.

Try one more. I'm gonna have to

wait until later.

Nindy said they're having a

fashion show right now.

What time is it there in L.A.? Milkman, you're in L.A.,

right? It's 8-8-0-8, right?

Yes, hi.

Uh, I didn't get through to Ms. Y, but perhaps Ms. Column is in.

C-U-L-L-U-M.

Carol.

I asked you a question.

I asked you how you were doing, and you were like, pfft, typing.

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

I didn't hear you.

I'm good.

How are you doing?

Typing, typing.

Well, I'm just, whatever.

Go ahead.

I don't care anymore.

I'll go ahead and connect you.

Sorry about that.

All right, whatever.

Good sausage party over there.

Keep that sexy-sounding lady.

Maybe she's taking a smoke break.

I gotta call her back in 15 minutes.

We'll call back Leo.

Don't worry, man.

Some women.

We'll see.

I'm sorry, there is no reply.

Ah, fuck this.

To leave a voice message, press 1.

They're obviously at some type of fat event over there.

Maybe they're at the buffet, the buffet conga line.

E, E, E, E, E, E.

Okay, we'll try that later.

I'm going to take a little watch.

What does this show mean?

I'm so messy.

In a little bit, we're going to be making some more prank calls here.

We're going to try calling that fucking conference again.

We got a bunch of Turkish.

We got to call some Lonesome Loser numbers, too.

He's confirming away a little band, you know.

We can't get too crazy.

um he sent that a number yeah let's do it you know there's a hot number yeah after receiving

some spam this is lonesome loser talking here after receiving some spam and doing some

investigation i found out that the spammer of porn and date sites has registered his site

using the name of a church located in california that's wrong that's so fucking wrong i think it

would be good to notify the people at this church that this guy michael zerkowski is using their

contact info for his crappy sites

that he spams. And it's at

the Westminster Presbyterian Church. That's

fucked up. I'll be right away. Yeah.

Some more numbers from Lonesome Louisa that we'll be calling

here in a little bit. Denny's, Boogie's

Diner, The Village Idiot,

High Stakes Restaurant, Hy-Vee

Gas. We got a few Greek restaurants,

a few Turkish restaurants. I got a beep.

You know, in Turkey there was a

terrorist attack against, uh,

was it a British consulate, the British consulate

or the American consulate? I think it was the British consulate,

right? A shootout ensued

on the streets of istanbul um perhaps we can call and talk about that uh but anyway i'm moving right

along this is the this is the number eight prank call of the of the year well the number eight

prank of the year it's a recent one um this is go and this is also the best tag team prank call

here uh this goes to zolar and carlito myself oh i get another award babies zolar is a winner here

Here for the first time ever, the best number eight prank call of the year.

This is in line with our last calls here to the conference that we're trying to do.

Earlier, about a few weeks ago, about three or four weeks ago, we were calling.

What was the conference?

The National Organization of Women, the feminist conference we were trying to call, right?

That's what it was.

We did several prank calls together to the people who were in attendance at the conference at the hotel.

These pranks are the feminine products pranks.

Now, first of all, we call on me and Zolar.

We tag team.

We're a great team when it comes to these conference things.

And we were just discussing about a problem with the toilet situation.

We accused these two feminists of flushing a feminine napkin down the toilet and clogging up the system.

And Zolar goes nuts.

Zolar does his thing as only Zolar can.

And after that, we call again somebody else.

And she actually says that she's been looking for tampons herself out of coincidence.

So here we go.

This is the number eight prank calls of the year.

Number eight, the Feminine Products prank calls.

And Zolar, a big winner here for the third season.

Congratulations, Zolar, if you're listening.

If not, everyone be sure to listen to his show tomorrow night.

I think he's on tomorrow night.

I'm not sure.

9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Zolar Party Nation here on Syndicate Radio.

Number eight.

Yes, may I speak with Mary, please?

The hotel staff are calling to make sure that your stay for the time being has been acceptable.

I understand you just checked in today?

day? Yes. Has everything been up to your specifications as far as the cleanliness of the room? Yes.

I did want to report to you, there's been an issue in your room with the toilet actually.

Oh, there is? I haven't used it. Wait, there's an issue with it? It's broken? Well, it has

a tendency to flow over. If it does, we're not responsible for it. It's actually responsible

on the person who's staying in the room. If you put toilet paper in? Yeah, I would not

I do not recommend putting any toilet paper or any large bowel movements in the toilet, ma'am.

Okay.

Thank you.

Hey, are there hotel bathrooms other than the ones in the room that you can use?

Yes, but you're actually not authorized to use it.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

I mean, you can use the toilet in the lobby, but if you do have to go in the middle of the night,

I just want to reiterate, if you make a mess in that room, you will be the one who cleans the toilet,

you will clean the room, and any damage to the carpet will come out of your deposit.

Uh-huh.

Could you, what I also will tell you, if you could just do a quick flush in the toilet right now,

maybe just to clean out the pipes real quick.

Okay.

And I'm going to monitor here on my end on the water table.

Let me know what, who, is there someone else there with you right now?

Yeah, uh-huh.

Okay, could you tell them to flush it real quick?

You let me know when they flush it.

Okay, hang on.

All right.

Flush.

Flush?

Flushing.

All right, hang on, I'm going to check it here on my end.

All right.

It looks like a strong flush, okay.

Go ahead and flush it again, please, if you could.

One more time, Mary.

Flush it again.

Oh, it hasn't recovered yet.

Oh, no.

On the back of the toilet, there's a little valve.

Hurry up and close it because it's going to overflow.

It's not...

Is it going to overflow?

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God.

Hurry up.

It's not overflowing.

Hurry, hurry.

Hurry?

It's not overflowing.

It's going to...

No, it's...

Don't flush again or...

Yeah, flush it again.

Okay.

Flush or flushing?

Flushing.

It's flushed and...

I think there's something blocked in there.

Did you...

You guys are sure you didn't use the toilet at all?

No.

You didn't put any paper in there?

No.

Did you put any...

No.

We just...

I tell...

This is weird.

This is Valentino.

And this phone call is also being monitored by hotel security.

I am the security manager.

My name is Mr. Zola.

How are you?

Fine.

But this is our conversation.

I didn't have a hotel room.

Well, it turns out that, ma'am, if we have people occupy such a toilet bowl with a problem,

if we don't identify it to them, then we become responsible.

Yeah.

Once, in fact, we have told them, and you're aware of the problem,

a lot of being negligent to anybody.

And in the case of the fact that there's a lot of women in our hotel,

So, like, you know, oil running your menstrual cycle at the same time as tampons get in our system,

it clogs up the higher line.

Yeah, according to this, it looks like there might be, did you folks perhaps flush down a feminine napkin or anything like that?

There's a blockage between your room.

There's a blockage.

Okay, you can see that there's a blockage.

Yeah, we have a near-perfect system.

We spare no expense here at the Millennium.

You know, I mean, it's either, it's registered as a feminine napkin or half of a turkey sub from Subway.

Okay, hang on.

Okay.

Sure.

There's nothing.

Let me try one more flush and try to clear it out.

I mean.

Who is this?

This is hotel security, and you're speaking with the concierge, Mr. Carlito.

My name is Mrs. Ola.

Watching table.

There is a clog between your toilet and the next.

If I'm in a napkin, we could excuse you this one time because we didn't.

I don't have my pen.

I didn't mean to upset you, but we do have an on-staff doctor.

He'll be in to check your vagina to see if it's blue.

Why?

Is this like how you get your thrills?

Yeah, well, actually, I do, you cunt.

I have.

Do you have relations with humans?

Do you have a little dog lick your crotch, ma'am?

There you go.

The number eight prank call of the year and the best tag team prank call.

Many thanks to Zolar.

That was a good call.

A good series of calls.

There were a few more.

that's on the june 20 june 19th episode and that of course is available at madhouse live.com

nunu says that woman is a big author 27 books on amazon holy shit 27 that's a lot of writing baby

and she's not on her period everybody thanks for the info lady oh brother man brother man brother

man let's do the next uh countdown here we're gonna we're gonna try to do some more live pranks

after this one we're gonna call some turkish restaurants in the area and i'm also going to

to be calling the the uh high stakes restaurant we're gonna do some news articles here as we

always do it's 11 20 p.m eastern standard time 8 20 p.m on the west coast you're listening to

madhouse radio three-year anniversary special thank you everyone who's listening and i do want

to give you know and coke and he made up and made a good point here um a few weeks ago as we were

planning we had a conference you know i asked the the vips in the forums hey what do you what should

we talk about you know events that happened and i already mentioned you know one of the biggest

One of the biggest events, one of the biggest things that happened here, Madhouse Radio, in the last season was, of course, our joining SyndicateRadio.tv.

Definitely great.

As I said many times before, I love – I listen to Syndicate just about when I'm not busy.

I listen every day.

I like listening to Big Dr. Lego, the man himself.

And a lot of people don't know this.

For you folks who take Dr. Lego for granted, you need to understand Dr. Lego was the first person to do a live prank call internet radio show on the internet at pranktheworld.com.

He is an internet legend, internet radio prank call legend, so much respect to Dr. Lego, of course.

I don't know if he's still listening, but you're the man, bro.

Bro, get it?

Where was I going with this?

Anyway, yeah, I listen to – I like listening to Syndicate.

And other than that, there's great people there, and we've hit plus 100 listeners.

But I did, of course, want to mention everybody who's listening to us on the podcast whenever you listen to the show.

You guys are awesome, too.

We're reaching now, what did we hit recently?

Over 150 podcast subscribers.

We're approaching 200, I believe, already.

I think that's what the deal is.

No, no, no, no, no.

We hit 200 podcast subscribers.

We're about 210.

210, and that's 210 people who listen to this show on their own time, on their iPod at work.

They've received the show after I update it.

Hey, you guys are welcome to listen to this show live whenever you get a chance.

We're on Thursday nights.

Please tune in.

But a big what's up to our other segment of fans.

I actually got an email here recently from – we got a lot of people.

Someone ordered a CD the other day, and a lady, a chick.

Imagine that.

We have women who listen to this show on a regular basis.

She ordered a CD and says she loves us, listens to us on a regular basis.

I forgot her name, but I hope she got her CD by now.

But, yeah, definitely.

We love you, Team Mystery Woman.

Yeah, yeah, woman.

But we've been doing the podcast for two years now, and we got a lot of, you know, we got basically more podcast listeners than we do live listeners.

You guys rock.

Hopefully one day I'll be able to, you know, maybe start selling some advertising space on a podcast and a website, start turning a profit here.

We're at 208

As of this morning

When I checked

208 subscribers to the podcast

So thanks guys

From time to time

Not all the time

But on good nights we hit 150

Today we have right now

We've got 59 people watching

On Syndicate

Let me check Justin.tv

That's a lot of Justin.tv listeners

On Justin we have

have uh 20 uh 20 people watching so we add that what we got okay i said syndicate has 50 how many

here we go 50 are we do we do i like your seat there hey thanks man 57 plus 20 plus 22 listening

on the madhouse stream that's 44 plus 50 oh we're almost at 100 people watching right now that's

pretty good we're in the 90s right now so yeah what's up all 90 of you babies what's going on

And we have video on Justin.TV.

You can check out our video archives.

Madhouse TV.

God, I'm so burpy.

I'm on my fifth beer.

I'm getting drunk here.

I'm sweating like a hog.

I'm a diabetic, big, fat, roly-poly, sugar-cured ham, drinking alcohol, and smoking cigars.

But, hey, thanks, everybody, for listening.

Anyway, let's do it real quick.

Shame, shame.

We're going to do some more prank calls live here in a second.

Before we do that, let's do the number seven prank call of the year.

This is the practice and the stoppers is off.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

We called on our Christmas show here.

This is the show right before Christmas.

We spoke to a gentleman.

Nunu sent in a number for this retirement home.

They have a webcam set up in their little common area where they play bingo and stuff like that.

and right before christmas that they had a man dressed like they had a santa claus there they

had live music and all this stuff and we could see the video we could see the video feed and i

call in and i get through to the to the little common area they have a phone there and i see

an old man in a wheelchair with the santa hat and i say hey that's my dad let me talk to my dad

i gotta talk to him or whatever so they they go and the nurse goes all the way over we see we see

See the nurse walk over to the guy and say, your son-in-law is on the phone.

And they wheel him in his wheelchair all the way to the phone and he picks up and then we have a conversation.

It's kind of interesting.

The guy's a little out of it.

Apparently Alzheimer's or herpes or something he's got.

Anyway, this is the practice and the stoppers is off.

The number seven best prank call of the season, of season number three.

Here we go.

Take it away.

We'll do some more live prank calls in a moment.

Listen to this, everybody.

Number seven.

Hold on.

I'll give it to your dad.

Thank you.

you santa santa hi santa mark yeah how you doing when you come this is a phone call i don't need

i'm sorry for what happened i'm sorry for what happened you mean what happened i'm sorry about

what happened to me yes oh okay that's nice of you thank you we're gonna come bust you out okay

okay when can you have your stuff all packed up when can you pack your stuff up i can't hear you

when you're gonna pack your your stuff okay the stoppers is off the stoppers are off that's good

Good, very good.

How are your teeth doing?

How are your teeth doing, sir?

They're doing fine.

That's good.

Well, Santa's going to come.

He's going to come bust you out.

And I want you to...

Okay, thank you.

No, but you want to come out, don't you?

I'm sorry we put you there.

Bye-bye.

That was fun.

As soon as you get to work...

All right, there it is.

What do you suppose the practice in the stoppers is off?

Right.

That's cool, old man, whatever you say.

Anyway, that was the number seven call.

Let's go ahead and do a live prank call here for everybody.

I know you guys want to hear that.

We're going to call the hotel in a second.

Before we do that, I'm going to call the Empire Turkish Grill in Houston, Texas.

Hang on, everybody, for the next live prank call of the night on Madhouse Radio,

July the 10th, third-year anniversary show.

One moment, please.

Place a call.

Press 1.

Saigon's reporting it because of me.

Is this the Turkish Grill?

Dude, you guys still taking orders?

No, sir.

We're closed.

You bastard. Hey, man, why don't you guys have pork over there?

I tried to get some pork the other day, and the guy said, no, we don't have license to pork.

Uh, I don't know. Maybe that's the rule.

What's the rule? What rule?

No pork.

What do you mean no? There's no rule in America you can't have pork.

If I want pork, I have my pork.

All right, here.

Why not there? Why don't you have, you're supposed to have pork on the menu.

Jesus died for us to have pork.

Jesus went on the cross, and he said, I'm going to do this, number one, for your sins.

Number two, so the people can eat pork.

That's good, actually.

That's good for Jesus.

Do you love baby Jesus?

Oh, wow.

Who dare you, sir?

Why?

You don't love Jesus?

No.

Jesus loves you.

He doesn't forget.

He forgives you.

Okay, well, that's his problem.

Who do you love, Allah?

No.

Who do you enter, Buddha?

None of them, actually.

Well, let's eat some pork.

You ever try, you ever, you want some pork chops?

I'll make you some.

I make good pork.

I marinate them overnight with Italian dressing.

Good for you.

Use that skill.

Well, let's, let's eat.

Me and you, we're going to eat pork and we're going to make, we're going to put it on your menu.

I don't think so.

So what do I get to eat over there?

Some lamb?

Probably, yeah.

That's gay, man.

I want pork, man.

Pork is a meat.

Oh, we, we, we sell human meat now.

Rumen meat?

Rumen meat.

Human flesh.

Human flesh?

Yeah.

You sick bastard.

Yeah, it's good.

Have you ever tried it?

You know, I heard human beings are the hardest, the worst prey to catch.

The ultimate prey for a hunter is the human being.

Not for us.

We find them all the time.

I go to the bathroom.

You know how you get a human being?

You want human meat?

I'll tell you the best way to get human meat.

You go to the bathroom, right?

Yeah.

And you tap your foot.

What is that?

You tap your feet in the bathroom, and you sit down on the toilet, and you tap your foot, and then you get human meat delivered right to you right there.

Fresh human piece of meat.

I didn't quite get you.

Do you know how to tap your feet?

No, you'll love me that.

When you go to the bathroom next time, you sit down on the toilet, right?

Uh-huh.

You tap your feet twice.

Okay.

And you're going to get the best piece of human meat in the world ever.

Okay, that's it.

So what's with the lamb?

Why lamb and no pork?

The pig is a lot cleaner than the lamb.

I don't know.

I like lamb.

Well, did you know lamb comes from pig?

So does bacon.

So does sausage, lamb, chicken fingers, shrimp.

They all come from the same animal, pork, from the pig.

Really?

Yeah, it's the same thing.

I didn't know that.

When's the last time you had a pork chop, sir?

Like a couple of months ago.

Okay, so how do you make it?

How do you like it?

How do you like your meat?

I just don't like pork.

Why not?

Yeah, well, come on, man.

Why not?

Who makes the rule that we can't have pork in a Turkish restaurant?

What's that?

Why?

I don't make it.

And actually, that's my problem.

I've never thought.

Well, who makes the decisions here?

Who's in charge?

Who can make?

Who's the man over there?

Maybe...

There's a...

Mom.

He makes the...

You don't care?

Well, if you don't care about the rules, baby, let's make some pork, man.

Come on, let's pork.

I don't care.

All right, so?

Here's the guy who's in charge here.

All right.

He's a big guy.

What's his name?

I don't know why you're putting women on the phone to answer the phone.

Where I come from, women don't answer the phone and they don't talk to men unless they're married to them.

Because that, in the name of Sharia law, would give you 50 lashes for putting a woman on the phone who's not married to me.

Nah.

You don't believe him?

What's up, brother?

I want some pork, sir.

I want Turkish pork.

What?

Yeah.

Turkish pork.

You ever pork a man in the bathroom?

Yeah, I've been porking.

He was there. You could call him back. Come on, man.

No, he already left.

He already left? Okay.

Do you have a glory hole over there?

You know that? You're a son of a bitch. You know that?

I'm going to go in there. If I catch you guys serving sausage or something like that, I'm going to tell the imam.

He's going to come down there. He's going to pull your license, man.

Do you wash your hands?

I'm not Muslim. I'm Christian, man. I don't care about...

What religion are you, Christian? What is that?

I'm Christian.

You don't have to know what kind of religion I am.

Ah, then you're not Christian.

You're a liar.

I'm not even religious.

Who cares?

What, you're Muslim?

You're a fucking liar.

I'm a Catholic, the original religion of the world.

Who cares if you are Muslim?

Who cares?

I'm a Catholic, sir, and I command you to make me some pork in the name of Jesus Christ.

You want some pork?

Yeah.

Okay, come in.

Come right now.

We're going to make you some pork.

Oh, I'm going to punch you in the face if you don't make me some pork.

That's what I said.

Are you sure?

What kind of Christian are you, sir?

What?

Make sure, like, when you come to the restaurant, you've got to call the 911.

I bet you're wearing women's underwear right now, aren't you?

Do you like how women's underwear feel on your testicles?

Do you like the feeling?

What, some woman?

You're going to bring some woman with you?

No, I'm going to have sex with your mother in front of you, and you're going to like it.

Good, she likes it, too.

She likes a real man, a Catholic man.

Catholic man.

Catholic man gives a sex good, man.

Are you from Mexico?

No, I'm from Argentina.

You're from Argentina?

Argentina.

We sex the mother good, man.

Arabic.

No, you know, I might be your father.

You don't know.

Never, man.

It could be me or 30 other men could be your father.

You have no idea.

You respect me.

You might be my son.

Well, I could be your father.

You might be my son.

Well, hey, we're confused.

Are you upset?

Are you getting upset about this?

No, I'm not getting upset.

You may be my son.

Well, how's that going to happen?

How are you my...

How am I your son?

You tell me.

How old are you?

You know, how old are you?

I'm, uh, 52.

You're 58?

Yeah.

How old are you?

Then I fuck someone there.

You may be my son.

Oh, my God.

You might be my father.

Father, I'm coming back like a...

How you doing?

Maybe I'm the product...

Maybe we should kill Fattest Calf right now.

Because I am your son.

You're a big daddy, man.

I am your son, and I'm...

I'm serious, man.

Okay, let's talk serious now.

Let's talk serious pork business.

Many years ago, you porked my mother.

Don't look stupid.

I talk.

You listen.

You know what?

I just pulled your license, closed the store.

You're out of business.

Do it now.

All right.

I want you to make an announcement right now.

We don't sell no pork.

I want pork.

This is America.

When I say I want pork...

Pork somewhere.

Turkey pork, man.

Turkey?

Turkey pork.

Bullshit.

Then I'm going to close you down, man.

You're in violation of the pork law of 1927.

All right.

Listen to me.

This is America.

This is America, I know.

The United States of America, the greatest country in the world.

Yes, sir.

Do you know why?

I love them.

Nuclear fucking weapons, sir.

Uh-huh.

What do you got in Turkey?

What do you got?

NATO, NATO, what do you got?

You got our...

I told you where I'm from.

You know what we're going to do?

We're going to pull all the bases in Turkey.

We're going to close them off right now.

Well, I'm not Turkish.

Who are you?

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

That's the right person.

He can't talk to you.

Let me speak to the turkey.

Hello?

Hey, turkey.

Yes.

Is this a Turkish man?

What's wrong?

Are you Catholic?

Who are you?

I am superior to you.

That's who I am.

You are closed right now.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Okay, they're closed.

That's who he is.

All right, that was fun.

We are closed now.

Bye.

Go down there.

They're gone.

Ted.

How's it going, man?

That's Ted.

What's up, Ted?

How you doing, man?

We haven't talked to you in a while.

How you doing, dude?

Hey, man.

How you doing, man?

It's going good.

We're having fun, man.

I've been good.

I'm just remodeling my house.

Oh.

You know, so it's a damn mess right now.

Oh, fuck the mess, man.

All right.

Anyway, speaking of which, here's another highlight of the third year.

This is License to Pork with Carlito and Tuck.

And Ted.

Ted.

Hey, we got a number of the United Arab Emirates cold store.

The United Arab Emirates home.

Isn't that where Dubai is?

UAE?

Why has the thriving metropolis been coming?

Aloha.

This is careful.

Aloha, how are you?

You're from the embassy.

You're from the embassy of the United States of America.

How are you, sir?

I'm one bit.

Hello.

Calling you from the United States Embassy of America.

And I'm calling on a special investigation.

I have reason to believe that you are selling, you are serving bacon there, sir.

No, we are not selling, sir.

We are selling meat only.

We are not making anything.

Okay, well, I would like some pork. Bacon burger.

No, we are not selling pork.

Well, I am in the mood for bacon, and I'm an American.

This is America, and you will sell me pork.

Hello?

How dare you not sell me pork?

This is a free country, and I would like pork chops and bacon,

and you will provide this for me now.

No, I can't. I told you, we are not keeping these items.

Do you have any kosher meat?

Kosher meat, no pork items.

Do you have any mishevitz?

No, no.

We have chicken, lamb, like that.

But what about bacon burger?

No, we don't have.

Oh, please.

I know you do.

Why do you not have bacon?

Why not?

What is this?

Why no pork?

You know he eats it on his own.

We are not keeping.

Why are you not keeping pork?

You're supposed to keep a supply of pork.

We have a license.

You don't have a pork license?

No pork license.

Oh, I have a license.

I will make a fake license and you get the pork for me.

Come on, man.

Sounds like the name of a porn to a license to pork.

A license to pork.

I don't want your license or anything. Leave me.

I will want you to make me a bacon burger.

I'm not making bacon burger.

You ever had a bacon?

No.

You ever had pork chop?

All right, Ted, that was for you.

That was the runner-up to the international prank call of the year.

Sorry, Ted, I didn't let you know that you did not win.

You did not win.

Sorry, buddy. Nice try.

Runner-up, but I'll give you a gold star regardless.

All right, cool.

Anyway, so the last prank call we did was to the Turkish grill,

and obviously they don't sell pork there either,

there and they're very rude and crass i recommend everybody who lives in houston not to patronize

their establishment and go there and ask for pork because you should have you have the right to eat

pork in america's america we eat pork anyway uh the number six prank call of the year of the uh

of the of the of the third season rather this one is called i'm speaking of of uh foreigners

and restaurants here in the united states this is i'm one of those bucket of boners um what

happened here this is some kind of steakhouse that's run by a croatian guy croatian italian

or something and he said this funky line and he got really mad at me and me asking for a special

kind of bacon burger and what i was asking for some kind of steak gristle sandwich or something

i don't know what i was doing here anyway the number six call the year everybody enjoy this

we'll be doing some more live prank calls in a moment number six um uh it's away gotta get the

wheelchair i'll talk to the guy back there maybe let me ask him in person if that's okay who bro

yeah bro put bro on okay i was asking for a gristle sandwich is that possible this time

What do you need?

Well, you know when you make the steak, right?

Okay, you take that spatula, you scrub all that stuff off the grill.

You take a piece of white bread and you fold it in half and you run it longwise along the spatula.

And you take a slice of American cheese and you put it right down in half.

But who is this?

This is Ralph Littlejohn.

Where are you coming from?

I'm coming from my house, sir.

I mean, you know, because I'm Samoan doesn't mean I'm a piece of...

I'm not.

Look, I don't know who you are.

I'm Samoan.

I'm a Samoan.

I'm Croatian and Italian.

Oh, you're one of those.

Yeah, I'm one of those fucking foreigners.

Crystal sandwich and a medium well steak.

And I was asking him what kind of rub, but he doesn't know.

He's just a kid, that guy.

He's a kid.

What kind of steak?

He wrote a secret.

Steak, steak.

Do you have steak?

Okay.

Do you have steak meats?

He said, I don't understand.

You better come.

No, no, no.

Don't hang up.

No, don't you dare.

I am going to hang up.

Listen, I'm the owner.

You don't hang up.

You know what?

No, you take your papers, you roll them up tight, you shove them in your ass, Croatian.

You too.

I'm Serbian.

Fuck you.

I'm a Serbian, you bastard.

That house radio is a piece of shit.

Hey, everybody.

Anyway, here we go.

That was the number six prank call of the year.

One of those bucket of boners.

Hope you enjoyed that one.

All right.

So, Milkman, you're mentioning let's do some UK wake-up calls.

You got the UK card over there.

Send that to me.

And I've got a bunch of UK numbers here to call.

Let's wake up some people in the UK.

Okay, we did this recently here with, what's his face?

G-Wiz.

We had fun with this on the last live show we did.

I've got Christopher McDonald, Rona McDonald, Chandler Sharma, Krishna Sharma.

Krishna.

Richard Webster.

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, well, Milkman, hurry up and send me that international card so we can do some international calls.

You know how to make?

Nunu says, do UK calls now and fatties at the end of the show.

Good idea.

That's the plan, Nunu.

You're a smart guy, aren't you, you son of a bitch?

All right, Milkman sending that in.

And anyway, I'm down to my last beer of the night.

This is beer number six of the night.

Let me see.

One, two, three, four, no, five.

Number five.

Well, these are 16-ounce beer cans.

So these are technically, you know, a normal beer can is 12.

So if we got another four, 12, one, two, three, four, five.

This is number six and a half right here that I'm drinking.

So, yeah, one beer left, everybody.

In a moment, we'll be doing the next prank call of the night.

Some UK wake-up calls.

We'll be right back in a moment.

You're going to start crying, are you?

Nah, I'll be fine.

I'm a man. I drink. I don't cry.

I'm an anger drunk, not a sad drunk.

I knew it. Just a moment, folks.

Nice prank all the night. Coming up.

MFDune, everybody. Check out

MFDune.com.

Is this Krishna Sharma?

No. Who is this?

This is the woman? I know who he's calling.

This is Jack Valente from the United

States of America. Okay.

I would like to offer you a package of

pork. Sorry? I would like to offer you

a pork enema. Are you interested?

Yes. Is this Krishna?

No, it's not.

No, no, it's not.

Well, I have an order for you to give you some pork.

Pork, man.

You want some pork?

Stop being so stupid, all right?

I'm not stupid.

I'm a good person.

I'm smart.

I'm smarter than you.

Listen, listen.

Stop being so stupid and disturbing us in the morning.

Hey, if I'm the stupid one, why are you the one waking up and picking up the phone, stupid?

Because you're so dumb.

Because you've got nothing else to do in your time and bothering everybody.

Now, shut up.

If you've got enough courage...

I can't because I'm in America and I'm better than you.

All right, so that's why you're a dumb American.

You've got nothing else to do.

Hey, man, if it wasn't...

Don't tell me, don't tell me, man.

You're American, you're dumb.

American?

I didn't know Americans were so dumb.

Damn.

What?

Oh, dumb?

Are you saying dumb, sir?

You should learn to speak to me.

He's gone already.

He's an angry little monkey, isn't he, that guy?

Jeez.

Let's call him back.

Fuck that shit.

What was with the fees?

Your woman sounds.

She makes my penis erect.

That's it, we lost him.

He's held the line.

Uh-oh.

Just dumb American.

Please hold the line.

I am, baby.

That's funny.

Call him next week.

Just dumb American bastards.

I love those people.

Oh, shit.

Let's call another one.

We're going to call Chander Sharma.

Chander.

Chander Sharma.

Chander.

God, I'm drunk.

Thanks to everybody who's listening.

I see Brandon Vegas, as I was trying to say before, is in the house.

Also, Brandon, make yourself known if you're around.

Thank you to everybody else who's listening tonight.

night madhouse radio 11 52 p.m eastern standard time and we'll make it 852 on the west coast

july the 10th we're about to ring in friday coming any second now just a moment here another

prank call coming up and we'll be can we'll be completing the uh what are we down to number five

we're almost halfway uh through the countdown we're getting into the good pranks now man

watch out uh just a moment here another call the uk and then we're going to do some more of the

countdown and we're going to call that fat conference again fat uh the national association

Association of Fat Acceptance Conference call.

Do some more of those, and we'll wrap it up here in a little bit.

Thank you for listening.

Just a moment.

Is Chander there?

Yes, sir.

This is Valente.

I was speaking to your cousin, Krishna.

He insulted me on the phone.

Yes, sir.

Your friend, your family member, that guy, Krishna, you know who I'm talking about?

He insulted me on the phone.

We don't have a family member, Krista.

In America?

What are you talking about?

Are you sleeping or something?

Sorry, you called an international number at this time in the morning.

I meant to call, and I'm in the U.K. now.

I'm on vacation.

Do you know what a holiday is?

I'm Jack Valente.

I'm the greatest person in the world from the greatest country,

the United States of America.

You ever heard of us?

Sharma Lou, Sharma Sharma.

Does anybody ever make fun of you because your name sounds like that toilet paper?

Good talk.

That was a bunch of shit, huh?

That was a crappy one, huh?

That's where that was, right there.

Give myself some applause for that one.

Because I'm the greatest.

That's a conclusion for this year's number one spot.

Nunes says the slogan for this year's fat acceptance conference is building momentum.

Yeah.

Wow, look at the deads in the house, man.

Hey, the dead.

The dead is in the house.

Welcome to the dead.

He's planning his gun, looking for it.

The number five best prank call of the year is a Jack Masterson call.

This one is called Jack Breaks Down.

Basically, I call the hotel as Jack Masterson, for those of you who don't know who that character is.

It's a 482-pound man who calls in and makes weird requests of hotels and restaurants and the not and the not and the so forth.

Here you go.

Enjoy this, please.

And if you don't enjoy it, send your complaints to Milkman.

Number five.

This new feature.

Thanks for holding this, Jesse.

I may help you.

Jesse, I heard.

They're launching.

I'm sorry?

This is Jack Masterson.

How are you, sir?

This is who?

Masterson, sir.

Yes, sir?

I weigh 482 pounds, and I require a bathroom with handicapped access type EE, which is the larger size.

Like with a roll-in shower?

Huh?

With a roll-in shower?

No, type E for a person of size.

It was in the most recent addendum to the Persons with Disabilities Act.

You're supposed to have one room like that with a refrigerator for my insulin also.

Do you have a reservation with us tonight, sir?

Yes, and it's totally unacceptable there.

but I don't get my large-sized bathroom and my refrigerator for my insulin.

Well, I'll get your baby.

Sir, I weigh 482 pounds and I have type 3 diabetes.

Yes, sir, and what's your last name?

My name is Masterson, sir, Masterson.

Are you already checked into the hotel?

I tried to check in.

They can't do something with the room.

This is unobtrusive.

I'm sorry.

I don't even have a reservation under your name, sir.

Sir, you don't understand.

I'm in the room right now.

Where are you, sir?

My wheelchair.

What hallway are you in, sir?

In the second floor, sir.

Second floor? I don't have any rooms on my second floor, sir.

Are you calling the right hotel?

Yes, sir, I am. They show me the room. It's a size EE.

We'll see a size EEW with a refrigerator for my insulin.

It doesn't have it. I'm a human.

I understand that, sir. Where are you located?

Before you quit. You slag. Why do you do this to me?

What are you calling me, sir?

You're a slag.

Okay, well, I'm not going to let you call me these names over the telephone.

I'll be getting off this phone.

I am smarter than you, sir.

Intelligent.

Think.

Feeling.

Feeling is.

Need.

Subtle.

Hey, don't call.

Sir, I'm going to be getting off the phone right now, okay?

You're going to get off?

Have a good evening, okay?

Is this the end?

This is the end.

My only friend, the end.

That is it.

The number five best call of the year.

A nice little reference to the doors, apparently.

The end.

I don't know where that came from, but it came.

No, I'm sorry.

We had a call come in.

Let's see who's calling in.

Madhouse Radio, you're on the air.

Well, that was stupid.

Anyway, the next prank call of the night.

Let's see who we're going to call here.

Let's call...

I know.

I know it.

Let's call...

We're going to call Amil Patel in Lincolnshire, England.

Just a moment, folks, for the next prank of the night.

Is that that fucking song?

What?

I was trying to play the end.

Apocalypse Now.

Patel?

Hey, why are you doctors always last named Patel, man?

His name is Patel.

Like, I went to the hospital once.

There was this doctor.

say hey man are you dr patel's like yes i'm dr patel i was like ah you dumb shit hey man if you

were so smart you would have seen india right that's wrong because indians don't believe in

buddha or god or whatever you fucker ruining my show wow the live pranks suck tonight don't they

that was a waste of time coming this show to the ground anyway all right let's continue on let's

see what else we can call this is the version i was trying to play the real version of the song

yes milk mano what do you want milkman you have to talk you got the floor okay good all right

we're gonna call ian goddard yeah ian goddard in worcester england everybody get ready for that

i wish i was old enough to have been in vietnam i would have kicked so much ass

cool to be in the vietnam war you know hello i make it look so cool you'll need to open up

fuck that shit i'm not calling any more of those uk numbers tonight it's not working

Anyway, we're going to call the hotel in a second.

This is the number four best prank call of the year.

This is...

What?

What, Milkman?

What?

If you're going to say...

What?

If you're going to say something, say something, Milkmans.

Hey, this is a good point.

Wake and Big is talking Tropic Thunder.

Dude, that movie looks hilarious, man.

Oh.

The fake Vietnam movie that's coming out, that looks like it's going to be funny.

I recommend everybody see that Tropic Thunder.

I saw the previews for that.

That looks funny as balls.

Yes, Milkman, for the eighth time, we hear you.

What is it, Milkman?

What?

You hear me?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Show me your titties.

Number four, breast prank call of the year.

Children who break up marriages.

This was sent in by Zev2Zev.

He hangs out in...

What's going on now?

Yeah, Milkman, we've heard you the whole time.

We're going to mute you.

Let's just start talking like a car.

What?

I've been muted, motherfucker.

I'm trying to see if you can hear me.

you have not been muted number one

number two you keep popping in and out of the room

and every time we can't hear you

oh my god this is the end isn't it

that is man definitely

no shit

anyway I'm explaining the prank call

Zev to Zev

he goes to these little

these porno webcam chat rooms

and he gets people's numbers thinking that they're

trying to get in touch with a woman

who's going to be on a webcam you know

So he got a number to us for a teenager.

He was like 15 or something like that.

The kid was on his laptop, and he was hanging out in a webcam chat thing with the Dirty Girls.

And we got his phone number, so we gave him a call.

And this is our best impersonation of those To Catch a Predator things on Dateline NBC.

Anyway, here you go. Enjoy this, folks.

If you don't like it, as I said, blame it on Milkman.

Number four.

With 18 Blondie?

Um, no.

No.

This isn't the KDN, dude, because I found out on Good Word.

You were talking to a girl on a chatroom.

No.

My boys saw you for the 18 Blondinas.

What chatroom?

Some fucking web chatroom, man.

No, I don't go on those.

How long have you known that my girl's been doing porno shit on the webcam, man?

Are you the dude that started it up?

No, I don't know anything about this, man.

Because I know you're, if you're the guy that's running this website, so help me God, man.

When I put the lawsuit that I'm going to put on you.

Dude, hey, hey, hey, hey, could you please listen to me?

Hey, jackass, I'm calling the shots, all right?

Okay, can I please say something?

I do not, I know nothing about a webcam site or anything, okay?

I did not go on there.

Somebody could have put my number on there.

I did not, okay?

I'm 15.

I did not go on there, okay?

Can you please trust me?

Well, I've traced your IP address.

We got the proof on your IP, man.

I saw her doing something on the video cam with some fucking dildo shit where I don't know where she got that.

Are you the guy that bought it for her?

Because she says some guy online bought it for her.

And I look at the screen, and you're there giving her this phone number telling her to call you.

No.

What happened, I know what you're talking about, but it was not me, okay?

It was on my computer, but it was not me, okay?

It wasn't you.

Not me, but no.

Can I explain?

What happened?

I was at school with my laptop.

Somebody got a hold of my laptop.

up i don't know who okay and they knew and i don't know who it was but they started giving

another person already somebody called me i'm trying to figure out what's going on and they

gave out my number to a whole bunch of different people and i'm trying to figure this out so you

know it says right here look listen it says right here i want to blank you you like to blank in

doggy style how old are you i want to blank you now can i blank you now do that yes this is really

This is really me. This is really my phone number.

And it gives your phone number out right here.

I'd never say something like that.

Sir, I have something to tell you.

I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC.

And we're doing a show about children who break up marriages.

Okay, well, can I please?

Well, I didn't have anything to do with this.

I didn't say anything like that.

You know, I'm trying to find out who's doing this.

Pictures on the computer machine?

No, but I don't anymore.

I did like a long time ago with friends, but I don't do it anymore with friends

So you got together and looked at porno pictures on the computer?

It's like years ago years ago together you looked at and it was like a pop-up thing

Okay, because people aren't supposed people your age aren't supposed to look a porno. It was a pop-up. That's like buying

Um, that's like buying cigarettes. So it was a pop-up though. There wasn't your parent parent filter turned on

Hey, cuz I don't know. I don't I don't know. You don't know. Well, your is

Is anything, go through anything, or?

Well, you're going to be on board.

Okay.

There's going to be an NBC radio about yourself who break marriages up on the Internet.

Okay, well, I'm going to try to figure this out, figure out who this is, and I'm going to talk to him, because, you know.

Let me know, but.

Okay, if I find out who, if I find out who it was, I'll call you and let you know what I find out, because I didn't have.

Okay, good job, son.

You got it.

I'm going to talk to the DA, and everything is going to be all right.

I don't want to worry about the district attorney.

I'll talk to the DA, then I'll smooth it over. It'll be cool.

Okay, thank you.

Because, you know, I'm the guy on the TV, so I'll work it out. Don't worry about it.

Okay, bye.

I've got to go. My mom's calling me.

I said hi, all right?

Okay, bye.

That

was funny.

There you go, everybody.

The number four best prank of the year of the season was that.

Children who break up marriages.

Thank you.

Anyway, this is the Madhouse.

That was the one call that we did at the end.

Oh, man, I don't have that ready.

That's a good call.

Maybe I can pull that up.

That was funny.

That was like out of nowhere at the end of the show.

Off the air, we decided to do that call.

That was funny.

Good point.

and i'll try to find that anyway yeah here we here we are milk you know milk bands with us a

tuck ted webb and baz all in the house here enjoying the three-year anniversary show or

you know doing pranks here and there and playing some old stuff counting down we're almost at the

best prank call of the season clearly now yeah you sound good now man now you do i don't know

what the hell was going on and the team keeps fucking up dude i had to restart it i was

cussing raising hell and no one was hearing me you kept saying like hey could you hear me

We were here all like, yes, shut up.

Yes, we hear you.

Geez.

Oh, man, I need a sandwich.

Good God.

Anyway, we're going to get to the number three prank call in a moment.

In the meantime, we're going to try to call that National Association's Advanced Fat Acceptance Conference in L.A.

at the LAX airport at the Marriott over there at LAX.

They just told me about like 15 minutes ago.

I wish I knew that was going to be there.

You should go over there and get some BBW stank on your down low, man.

Come on.

I'm hanging there next time.

I'm leaving straight for there.

All right, folks.

Hang on.

We'll be right back with the next prank call of the night.

Just a moment, folks.

Where's that lady at?

Lady?

This is the lady who was transferring me when I first called.

Yeah.

Is she there?

She is.

Yeah, let me talk to you.

Yeah, can I?

I'm not going to come on the phone.

Thank you for calling.

This is Judy at your service.

Hey, Judy.

What's up?

Judy.

Judy, you transferred me earlier to my associate.

You're pretty nice on the phone, you know?

You're a nice person.

Okay.

I like it when you transfer me.

You do good things with the phone.

I like it.

I like how you talk.

Okay, do you have me on speakerphone?

Are you far away from the phone or something?

No, my mouth is...

Oh, baby, bring that mouth close.

You should put that mouth, you know...

I like to hear your voice.

Make it a little closer for me.

Yeah, can you transfer me to Peggy Howell, please?

like you did before you did so good babe when you transferred me earlier i was i just wanted you to

transfer me to howl the fuck am i doing you're just gonna hang up on me or transfer me i was

kind of brash with her wasn't i put some music in the meantime you're creeping her out no i'm

tuck you don't understand women i'm puerto rican i know how women like to be talked to that's not

that's not that's not creeping guy girls out they like it women like that that's how i got

I kept calling her at work all the time.

You can say so.

I said, hey, lady.

I like how you talk on the phone.

Why don't you come over and lick my taint?

And she did it.

Why am I in a hole?

I ain't in a hole for this bitch.

Fuck this shit.

I ruined that because I'm like,

I probably won't transfer me.

Fuck.

I fucked it.

It fucked up.

I fucked the fuck up.

That's my point.

That you're kind of ruined the scene.

You're creeping me out of there.

Oh, deal with it, man.

Here's the number three prank of the year

After that we're going to do some more prank calls

I promise

I'm a little drunk

I think I'll do that

I'm just going to give him a little bit of time

I'm going to give him a little bit of time before I do that

Let him stew a little bit

I'm in the mood for some chicken

Like a chicken sandwich

Chicken and cheese

Get a nice piece of chicken

Like cold chicken

You cook the chicken and you have your leftovers

Step into the kitchen

Shouldn't and see if I can't rustle up some for you?

Do that.

I want a piece of breaded chicken in between some white bread with a little bit of spicy mustard and some yellow American cheese.

That would be perfect.

Hit the spot right now, man.

Spicy mustard.

Where's the spicy mustard in your fridge?

Golden's or something like that.

I got some packets of Golden's that I stole from 7-Eleven.

Anyway, the best of number three prank of the season, Dijon Mustard.

This is also the winner of the best guest caller of the year

This is a repeat

But do you have any grand coupons?

You know, he won this last year

He's winning it again

Reclute again

I got a big black gun

Good prank call

Everybody enjoy this

The number three best prank call of the year

We're counting it down

Almost done with the show

Almost done with the countdown

Number three

...is available to you after the call

Please leave a message

Hello, trying to reach your husband

Hello

He has such a big car

I love to take it in the ass, and I got some other ones to talk to you.

Good rules and-

How you doing there, buddy?

Yes, sir, who's this?

Hello, this is Margaret.

I just love your big black cock.

Who is this?

This is Margaret.

It's a little old white lady.

I heard you have some of that North Carolina sausage.

Would you like to speak to my friend, Jill?

I have a big bitch.

I got a big black-

I got a big black gun.

good what is it a lot of what are you gonna do about it please don't beat my ass i'm sorry man

i'm just sorry it's your goddamn problem listen i'm really sorry man normally in a situation like

this i would uh i probably in the show do you says carlito the lines are open douche you know

douche you can call in if you want unless you're blocked for some reason i don't know how that

Madhouse Radio.

Keep trying to call him.

He'll be able to work for you.

Keep trying, man.

Anyway, we've got two prank calls left.

We do have the best international prank call of the year coming up

as well as the best prank call altogether of the third season.

I want to thank everybody who's listening tonight.

We have 22 plus 54.

We've got 76 listeners right now.

Listeners and viewers, thank you, everybody.

Not bad for 12.21 a.m. on a Friday morning.

G-Wiz is getting ready to call in.

We're going to do some calls to the U.K. here briefly,

and then we're going to wrap up the countdown and wrap up the show.

Man, we had fun.

Last live call we did, me and G-Wiz just tore it up,

waking up people left and right all over the U.K.

Just want to give a quick remember you.tv all week.

Plenty of shows here for your entertainment.

entertainment i understand that uh hooknose won't be doing a show this weekend but he will be back

next week he's normally on saturday nights show y'all the titties that's the one you want to see

those titties hooknose mike show right there get your vaseline ready or your lubriderm or whatever

it is get your tissues and all that make sure your old lady's sleeping have at it that's all

i gotta say that's what i do no no i don't do that's that's nasty why do people want to hear

of that shit.

Who do you want to hear how?

He's got some serious

gay overtime.

300 pound Puerto Rican

sitting here on his

half naked

watching the

Hook Noses show.

Sad thing is that

sometimes I just end up

masturbating to

Hook Noses nose.

Your nose is so long

and hokey.

Oh man,

I'm so fucked up.

I really should

not do it.

Gee whiz,

hurry up and call in man

because I got to end this show

before I say something

incriminating.

Fuck.

Shall we all get in?

Anyway.

Hey Jerry.

Alright, anyway.

So the number two

prank call of the year let's do this is actually it's actually a a series of calls that we did

uh the last call you heard just explain it's a little better you sucks as well the call with

black fella yelling who is this is the funniest thing i've ever heard yeah it is pretty funny

isn't it there you suck whatever you whoever you really are thanks man um on that line along those

lines um the next week after that you know reclu did that call the next week after that i decided

decided to call back in myself uh this is uh the guy's name is adolphus cotton whatever and uh

it's you know i try to talk to him again and his his wife picks up the phone his wife won't let me

talk to him you know so i keep messing with his wife i say that i'm dr nargis and i've got some

instructions for the guy for a medical procedure he has to have i say he needs to make some stool

samples and uh you know she doesn't let me talk to him but you know the funny thing is i i call

and she she i pissed her off she knows it's obviously a prank call that's going on so she

tries you know in the in the process of this you're going to hear she tries tracing the call

because the week before she found out that we were pranking her husband so she called the phone

company to complain this and every time that someone prank calls you you you know when you

hang up the phone you dial star six something i don't know what it was the code and that'll trace

the call so she was doing that but she didn't know we were me and ted were still on the line the

whole time and so she would you know we would hear her pick up and dial the digits and she thought

she was tracing the call but she's really talking to us again and we kept confusing her and at one

point we i actually i say i'm the phone company i traced the call it's really funny and here we go

this is the stool sample calls is the number two best pranks of the year on the madhouse radio

three-year anniversary thing machine number two i'm a male nurse is he expecting you i mean who

No, I'm, yeah, Dr. Nargis told me to give him a call with these instructions.

But his doctor is not Dr. whoever you said.

It's the specialist, ma'am.

His physician forwarded the information on to Dr. Nargis and made the determination of what was going on.

He just wanted to give him a therapy plan.

He needs to practice at home.

Okay, hold on.

Hold on.

Hurry it up.

Hello?

Yes, hello, I'm sorry.

I lost my temper.

Did you have a pen and paper?

Who are you talking to?

I'm trying to leave a message for a dude with the instructions for the therapy plan he needs to try.

Yes, but someone said hurry it up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Quality assurance thing.

We have something that you're supposed to, for the quality of your service, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, I'm ready.

Breakfast as much fiber as possible, preferably oatmeal and greens.

What kind of greens do you make, if any?

All.

Do you like collards?

Cabbage, collards, string beans, the works.

collards and collards and turnip greens and spinach greens yeah I do all of

those okay broccoli the works and he needs to eat as many oranges as possible

okay okay now what this is gonna do is gonna be like a natural colonic for a

system okay now he needs to collect a stool sample after every bowel movement

got it so do you have the instructions there for the stool sample collection do

Do I have any?

Did his doctor give him any?

Well, I'm not certain, so I'm making sure.

I mean, if he didn't mention it to you, perhaps I should.

No, he hasn't mentioned this to me or that someone would be calling.

That's just not natural that he wouldn't mention this.

That's why I'm asking all of these questions because he never said anything about it.

He just needs to collect a stool sample after every bowel movement.

and um and it's very simple all he has he's supposed to have carrots do you have any carrots

there now or yeah get them the the long kind not the baby carrots the long ones please

okay basically all he does after he has a bowel movement he's going to take a carrot and shove it

up as far up into his asshole as possible and then put it in the bag and write the date on the

the bag you got that did you get that no i maybe you need to do that well that's his responsibility

no it's your it's my responsibility to tell you to do that because this is a this this call is not

a natural call so you can just go to hell ma'am don't speak to me like that please i'm a professional

i you well you don't sound it i'm a i'm a licensed male nurse yes okay i believe it too well i mean

I am a smart person, and I command a bit of respect in this society.

Excuse me?

I command a bit of respect.

Well, I command a bit also, and I say that you can go to hell.

Now, did you hear that?

Did you hear that commandment?

Do you know?

Do you hell?

Go to hell.

Do you know what the Bible says about Jesus?

Can you hear me?

Do you listen to Jesus?

Do you listen to him?

I sure am.

No, you don't.

Dr. Nargis is a beautiful Catholic

Good for him

And I am ordained through the body and blood of Christ

To give you these instructions

Good for him

About the stool sample ma'am

So I expect you wrote them down

Because there's going to be a quiz at the end of this conversation

Go to hell

Alright so that's the first part

We're going to continue here

Just to give you another explanation

Just to catch you up

Again the last call we did

Where we called the black guy who was really angry

This is his wife

we're calling back saying he needs to do stool samples anyway so i call again she hangs up on

me here i call again as as the licensed male nurse as if that's some type of real position

the licensed male nurse and uh she ends up trying to trace the call thinking that i'm the phone

company she calls back i stay on the line and she she hits her buttons and she thinks i'm the phone

company and i do the trace for her very funny stuff here we go we continue on with stool sample

part number two hello yes write all that down did i write all what down all the instructions

yeah and i had this call trace also how do you have a trace come on excuse me did you turn on

your tracing machine tell me this what is it that you want what kind of nutcase are you i'm giving

you important instructions you know what i don't want your important instructions i do not want

want them so you take your instructions and give it to somebody else okay i'll cram them up your

behalf i know the truth you want to know the truth no i do not because you can't you can't

even tell me anything that's true i'm telling you i'm goodbye asshole i'm ma'am man i was gonna

tell you the truth funny as hell dude that's what they tell me that's what i remember phone

company go ahead yes this is the phone company how may i help you one has called here this is

the second time uh saying stupid things and i was told to dial to have the call traced okay

just one moment i'm going to go ahead and trace that now can you hold please yes i will okay here

we go okay that's coming back negative ma'am did you insert the carrot all the way up into the anus

and then extract it go to hell i love you lady you are one son of a excuse me identify yourselves

I'm tapping into the line.

Go to hell.

Excuse me, this is Bubba Johnson.

I'm the operator.

What's going on on this line right here?

And I love my trace, too.

My trace.

So believable.

Oh, man.

And even after that, there's more pranks.

Like, we actually called her again, and it was like Ted over there.

I don't know if you're still around, but Ted was, like, calling us Bubba Johnson, tracing the call and all that stuff.

Yeah.

Had a whole conversation, filling out the information.

All unprofessional.

was really funny yes all of those calls are on the someone's that you suck is asking me yeah i

believe those those should be on the i think they're in the forums i think the uh yeah i think

the uh stool sample calls are in the forums they're not on the main site you have to go into

the forums under the in the vault and you can listen to them there and download them if you

wish they are also available uh on on the cd which you can purchase or you can download for free uh

mp3 cd or you can buy it as well um click on the on the buy you know the cd link on the main

website madhouse live.com and you can you can download it for free i don't charge you to

download the cd or if you want an autograph copy actual copy it's right here see here's an example

i'll send it to you it's like what five four four or five bucks or something like that i don't know

whatever oh i just asked you you donate a dollar or something if you can if you can if you can if

If not, whatever.

I don't care.

Just enjoy it.

That's all I care about.

G-Wiz says he has a very drunk to dead on the phone with him.

I would love to hear that.

G-Wiz, try to call back.

You were calling before correctly.

I just had the ringer off.

I didn't know.

So, G-Wiz, hurry up and give a call back.

I have one prank call left here.

A very drunk to dead.

That's crazy.

That's something.

Just to give you guys a clue, our true fans, our longtime fans,

fans um the uh the prank international prank call of the year is actually also the uh the best prank

of the year as well of the season uh so it's a winner for both uh we're going to be playing that

in a moment here i'm going to hopefully going to give it a second see if g-wiz calls in if not i'm

going to i'm just going to play i'm going to end the show g-wiz g-wiz i don't have i don't have

skype installed on me i don't have that set up you got to call in man i can't i can't uh do

do skype calls my friend i'm not set up for it at this time it screws up my audio settings i never

had any luck with skype when i'm live i can do it off air you know but it's not going to help out

the situation anyway gee whiz is gonna gee whiz will try to call in hopefully with the dead in

the line or the dead can call him the dead knows the number uh 888-278-8501 yeah you should call

in talk about his gun obsession he's uh been having here lately i heard about that yeah he was

He's messing with me

He's gonna buy guns

And this and that

I don't know

I gotta buy a new gun

I gotta upgrade

That's the phone

House radio

You're on the air

House radio

You're on the air

House radio

It's speech time

Why don't you feel embarrassed

Why call and not say anything

I'm gonna block your number

Homeboy

Anyway

So here it is

The number one

The number

Fuck

The number one prank call

Of the year

Also the number one

International call

All in one

They're not gonna be separate

This is a good prank call

We did around

Wow

Wow, this is August of last year, and this is the Manchester pub call.

This is it, man, the best prank call that we did in the last year.

Hopefully it's worth it.

Enjoy.

One.

Morning knows that the time is the morning.

It's not morning, it's evening over here in America still.

Well, I'm sorry, but it's morning.

Well, it's an international transaction.

Don't speak over me, I'll fire you.

You understand?

It's too late.

I've already been fired, love, so you can't fire me.

That's it, get out.

You're fired.

Don't try to take any of the beer, cause I know you, I'm on you, onto you, onto you,

you're full of shit, you're fired, your last paycheck supposed to take away 10% for your

attitude.

Why don't you piss off?

You are an arsehole.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm your owner now, I own you, I bought you, I have your contract, you know what, if you

come down here now, that's why I'm pretty saucy, it's about you, I'm firing you.

Listen, the time has said that through, I'll bite your heart, all I know is you need to

listen up, you're an idiot, you're homeless and you're jobless, you're, you're, really?

Okay, then get out of my, out of my, I told you I'm in another country.

Well, then you're full of shit then, huh?

How much have you had to drink today on the job?

I'm going to take it out of your last paycheck.

Tell me.

Are you real, I...

That's right.

Yes, you're the woman who's...

You know what my name is?

Yes, Julie.

What's the name of the...

Social Security number.

It's the bull's head, but it's...

You haven't got...

...changed the name.

You make it...

We're doing this.

One day, it'll be in the morning, about three weeks.

How do you know?

I don't know.

How do I know?

Yeah.

Because I bloody well live here, and you disturbed her.

You woke us up.

So you all just happen to be sleeping on the job now, huh?

Well, I think...

Sleeping on the job.

It's five o'clock in the morning.

Sleeping on the job.

You fucking susser.

We're doing...

Susser?

What's that?

Sussing.

We have G-Wiz.

What's up, G-Wiz?

Give me that number.

Oh, yeah, we got that.

The bull's head, yeah.

They never answer the bull's head, those bastards.

Because

was fucking gold, man.

That was great.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, sir.

So what's up with the dad?

He was talking to you?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I had him on the phone for a while, dude.

But I thought you had Skype, so I had him on the phone here.

And I was hoping that I could get you through Skype, that we could three-way.

I don't know how we could three-way through here, because he's all fucked up, and he wants to get on, man.

He's all into doing some pranks.

Give me a second.

I'll call him, actually.

I have him here somewhere.

All right, cool.

He's in 708?

Yeah.

Syndicate, how you guys doing tonight?

Hey, Syndicators, man.

Yeah, we've been...

Yeah, yeah, baby.

We're about to wrap it up, but we can do some more prank calls, man.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Let's do it, let's do it.

Let me get the dead end on the line first before we do that, all right?

You gotta everybody listen to this.

For that, um, Milpin, you said that DeAnda call.

I can't find it.

DeAnda, how do you spell that?

DeAnda.

What?

I don't know that.

D-I-E-N-D-A.

I don't know how you spell that.

I'm talking to myself here.

DeAnda.

I don't think I have it on this computer.

Dude, that sucks if I don't.

The end.

The end of my dick.

It was an old A's lady.

The end of my dick, baby.

And she thought you was like a son or something.

I'll have to look for that milkman.

I don't think I can find it.

I have no idea where I have it saved.

D.

Oh, God, that'd be a great honorable mention.

D.A.

The end.

No, I didn't spell it like that.

I don't know.

All right, hang on.

Let's get the dead in a line.

Hopefully it picks up.

Nope.

There it is.

Well, I tried to call the dead.

Yeah, it got here.

It's like 708 something, something, something, right?

I don't know, man.

I'd have to look at my phone.

I'm on the same deal.

Let me try them again.

Record your message at the tone.

When you are finished recording, press pound to cancel.

Press star.

I got his voicemail.

Did you hear that?

Hey, baby, you know what to do.

You know, I actually have him.

He's calling my other one.

What?

Come again.

Maybe he cleared his line now.

I have tapes and tapes that dad called me from a couple of years ago.

Oh, boy.

I need to digitize them.

Me too.

Record your message at the tone.

when you are finished recording, press pound to cancel, press star.

You know, Dad, you really need to start picking up the phone when I'm calling you or something.

He's listening, man.

I don't know either.

If we can't get him in the car, I don't know any other way to do a conference call.

Can we do any other way to do a conference call?

That's really it.

He knows what he knows.

I can call him and see if I can patch him in to you.

Yeah, try that, Milkman.

You try to call him.

See if you can get him patched in or something.

Milkman, him we talk.

All right, I'll have to call him and then call your number.

But I ain't going to be able to call your number, am I?

You can't call the number because I have to call your number after that.

That's what will have to happen.

Oh, geez.

Try and call my number, and then I'll patch the dead end after you call my number.

All right, let me call you then, Milkman.

Hang on, let's do that.

Let me play music again.

Hang on, Whizzer.

I'm going over.

All right, buddy.

All right, let me see if I can find Milkman's number in there.

There we go.

All right, Milkman, I'm dialing you now.

Please enjoy this call tone while we connect you.

There's nothing yet.

Where'd you whiz?

Oh, yeah.

I didn't dial the DD.

Noble D.

Paul's with the three of us.

Oh, yeah.

He's practicing.

He got the dead.

He calls me just letting everybody eat dead.

Yeah, Tuck's talking.

He used to call Tuck, like, all day, every day for, like, a year.

Tuck here, he's got, like, tapes and tapes of him talking.

Yeah, it's funny.

He's good, man.

He's a good dude.

I love the dead.

Yeah, he's a good kid.

He's a good kid, Shea.

What's going on with him?

Hey, Dieters.

Dieters, what's going on, man?

We actually love you so much, we wanted you to be on the show tonight, man.

We got about like four years. What's up, Brody?

Hey, I wanna- I wanna-

No, don't say anything about it. That's our secret, you know what I mean?

Yeah, um-

What's up, buddy? How you doing, man?

Carlito had a-

Who's Andy you're talking about? I never heard of the guy.

You know-

Has there ever been an Andy G-Wiz that you know on this show, ever? I don't know.

I never know of an Andy.

There's no record of this. Milkman, do you know an Andy?

No, I don't know Andy or N-

Whatever the hell he says.

Nothin' like that.

Yeah, now you're going to fucking deny it.

There's nothing to deny.

Andy who?

Exactly.

There's no last name.

Okay, so what did I do with him?

Not true.

It's a night.

Drinker.

I can't.

All that, uh, I'll bottle it to one night.

Yeah, man, dude, this video, they did, like, drinking, like, vodka straight out of the

bottle and stuff like that.

He fucking drinks triple sec.

You don't drink that straight.

You gotta mix that with something.

The devil's wrong with you.

He does.

You remember, Milkman, you remember we kept saying that the devil's drinking Cosmopolitans

and he got all mad at us.

He's like, I don't drink Cosmopolitans.

He got so mad.

I was, like, joking with him.

He got bummed out.

We love messing with you, bro.

School going today.

I think he hung up.

Sledgehammer next time.

Sledgehammer just hit me.

You know what, dude?

He actually is doing circuit analysis in electronic engineering,

which is cool because that's what I use.

He has a good mind.

He's actually smart.

I was like,

It is, but it sounds expensive.

Get him back on the phone.

Yeah, milk me on the phone.

We called him back.

We lost him.

It's all a ruse.

It's all a bit.

I'm burning plastic over here.

What are you smoking over there, buddy?

I'm, like, burning, like, the little package thing where you put your six-pack in,

the little plastic little holder thing.

What do you smoke out of that pipe?

The pipe?

The tobacco pipe?

Yeah.

It's tobacco.

I quit.

I don't know.

Are we talking about pipe tobacco or cigarette tobacco?

No, pipe tobacco.

I buy some.

What do I got here?

I'll tell you.

I got some Gentleman's Choice Cabin Dish.

analysis and you're doing dc and ap circuitry and electronic engineering guy

can i ask you a question incense in your ass anymore today can get the incense at the kiosk

at the mall like 20 for a dollar a dollar if it's hell 40 bucks and a tanker that's weak

and i'm out of it there's some bad noise here on the way yeah i spent 20 dollars on gas today and

just for what it took me to get to the airport to pick a fina up and go to work and stuff like

Oh, are you on there?

Sad, man.

Prince.

Get depressed.

It's so crazy right now.

Country's screwed up, my friend.

Well, you know what you can do, buddy?

Just like pizza dough on a piece of, like a matchstick, just as good as any it could get.

That's been for the last six years, man.

Watch out, because all of these are going to get me, man.

I have no idea who Andy is.

Different Lego.

Forget Carlito, fucker.

What's Lego done?

Let's do a YouTube call.

I would love to, Milkman, but all my lines are tied up.

I can't do that.

It's late.

I'm going to sleep.

It's 1 o'clock in the morning.

The show's over, man.

A lot of time.

G-Wiz is going to come on and he's going to do some prank calls.

Aren't you, G-Wiz?

I think I burned a hole through my desk.

I burned a hole through my desk with the burning plastic.

I'm a genius.

I'm going to keep burning it, though.

I love burning stuff, burning plastic, burning paper.

No come through on the keyboard, though.

Fucking toe.

No, no more of that.

Yeah, I know the day.

That's how it starts.

Next thing you know, I'm a serial killer.

I'm killing cats.

Hey, The Dead.

Oh, yeah.

I did want to mention The Dead.

The best TV series in the history of modern TV.

You know the one I'm talking about, right?

What fucking TV series?

The Shield, man.

We're both The Shield fans, bro.

It's coming back in September.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, the...

The engine's coming up in September.

September 2nd, man.

You got to watch out.

Me and The Dead, we used to watch the episode of The Shield,

and then we'd, like, chat and talk about how it went.

Yeah.

I love that show.

I don't know if anybody out there who's listening watches that show,

but if you don't watch the show, The Shield, the last season is going to start in September.

Rent the DVDs, buy them, or get them on Netflix, whatever you can do.

I highly recommend it.

It's probably the best show, some of the best TV that's been out.

It's on FX.

Be sure to check that out.

All right, G-Wiz, Milkman, and The Dead, I'm going to hang up the phone now.

I've been watching Six Feet Under right now.

You've been watching it, Six Feet Under?

Yeah, Six Feet Under.

Yeah?

Six Feet Under is one of the...

It was on HBO, right?

HBO, yeah.

Yeah, cool, man.

The last episode of Weeds is pretty good, too.

I recommend that show also.

The first few episodes of the season sucked.

Yeah, but this week's episode was really good.

Kevin Nealon's the man.

All right, guys.

Let's hang up the phone.

Thank you for calling in, all three of you.

Okay, see you.

Bye.

Bye, The Dead.

Bye, Wiz.

Milkman, go back to the computer.

See you, Wizard.

All right, everybody.

We're done.

God, it's late.

It's 1 o'clock in the morning.

I'm done.

and a milkman i can't find the dienda call i'm sorry my friend couldn't find it

oh that's uh ted's got his your face that's ted over there for some reason he's got like

some stuff going on in the background hello yeah it's loud man hello hi hi what's up blue iris

how you doing congratulations on three years motherfucker thanks motherfucker who's this

cyan pranks what's up bro hey i'm saying what's up motherfucker and he hung up

Man, go on once.

Go on twice.

Go in the chat.

He lost the thing.

Shit, Kyan.

Damn it, man.

Oh.

That reminds me.

Kyan did send in a blue iris prank call machine thing that he did.

Where was it at?

Hang on.

Let's see where that went.

I think I lost it.

Oh, crap.

It was here so just a second ago I had it.

I guess I lost it.

My bad.

All right.

Sorry, Kyan.

You have to call in next week or something like that, my friend.

Oh, here we go.

Here it is.

He did some blue iris prank calls, I believe.

Let me see if I can open it up.

There we go.

That's up.

And this will be the end of it for the night.

We're done after this.

Hello?

How are you?

Okay.

I wanted to lick your ass.

Fuck me.

You could be fucked hard.

I'm kidding, really.

This is great.

Stoke through my defense.

I'm so sick.

I'm so fucking wet.

Your fingers up my wet cunt.

Are you stroking your cock?

I don't know.

I'm making you hot.

I think I'm going to cum.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

I think you hung up.

That was from Kai and Prank's assistant.

That's him earlier tonight.

Nothing like a blue...

Milkman, you sound really far away.

Turn on your mic.

Yeah, I'm back.

I'm here, man.

Okay, good, good.

We got some voicemail here on the show.

Let's see who called in during the show.

Oh, okay, cool.

I need to tell you.

carlito i i need to tell you i need to i can't keep your secrets any longer you know you've been

doing this and say me back probably have my number

never heard of her yeah a fiance here's another one fucking hell the dead drunk leaving me

voicemails that was fun okay well we had a fun night tonight um isolate those save those

Nose and put nose in the top of your neck.

Hell, yeah.

Resident Mockery, give us an hour for magic, please.

Just wanted to give everybody a good what's up.

Everyone who listened tonight, it was a great three-year anniversary show.

We had fun.

I want to give a big thanks to everyone who joined in.

Of course, Milkman, as always, thanks for another year, man.

Couldn't do it without you, my friend, my brother.

Love you like a brother, man.

See, this has been the greatest, man.

Yes, sir.

My brother, he's been the greatest of times, man.

Yeah, I got to thank you, man, for being a real trooper, dude, and rolling with the punches, man.

We've had a hell of a time here.

I hope everybody's enjoyed all the insanity that makes up the madhouse, the number one.

So you go on the shrine, punch, go on the street.

Ted's over there talking.

Ted, I want to thank you.

Also, you were really involved in the third year of the show this year as well.

You got really bad background noise.

What's going on?

That's not me, is it?

Yeah, I had to have you mute for the last five or six minutes.

Do you still receive emails?

I don't know.

You got a fan in the background.

But thank you, man.

You know, we miss PCU.

But if you ever do another venture again.

I don't.

I hear you.

I miss Ted, too.

Yeah, we miss you, Ted.

And if you ever do decide to, you know, start a new prank call station, let us know, man.

We'll be more than happy to let people know to listen in to it during the day and any time.

All right, man?

And you're always welcome here, my friend.

You're a good friend of ours, and I appreciate everything you've done for us in the past.

Well, one thing that's happened since I stopped PCU is no more DDoSing.

You got that to look forward to.

But I do want to thank you also, you know, this TeamSpeak server we're using right now.

If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be able to have Toc and Milkman and everyone else that joins us, you know, during the show.

So, you know, definitely, man, you are a tremendous asset, and I want to thank you for everything you've done for us.

And don't think that you're not appreciated.

Well, congratulations on your three years.

Here's to another three more, hopefully, God willing.

I want to thank Tuck.

Of course, Tuck, you've come through a lot with the album, the artwork,

and a lot of stuff on the website.

Yes, sir.

You've helped out with the forums and all that.

I want to thank you, man.

I hope to do more in some capacity somehow, regardless of what I do.

Everyone can always go to Tuckermonica.com.

Yes, sir.

And check out

Anything that I'm doing

At any given time

I need to update it pretty soon

With all the new stuff that's going on

So I'll be doing that here

Hopefully by the end of this summer

Right, cool

And of course a good thanks

To Lonesome Loser

He's a silent member of the show

But we definitely couldn't do it without him

He confirmed so many numbers for us

So professionally

One of the least vocal members

Yeah, one of the least vocal members he's been, you know, since the first, you know, he was the first person to chat with me, you know, on the first episode.

The first message I got on the IRC was him sending in phone cards and fucking in numbers, so awesome, man.

You're one of the originals.

Of course, Nunu also, big thanks to Nunu.

He sends in numbers off the wazoo as well.

Couldn't do it without him.

I want to thank Kokani for sending in news articles.

We need to get to those news articles tonight, but I promise to get to those later on.

But, yeah, Kokanee, people like him, people like Baz, you know, he is a legend, you know, sending us some artwork.

I mean, we've got a lot of listeners here that are silent, you know, but they contribute.

Even just listening, man, we appreciate it.

I know I'm forgetting a thousand people.

Yeah, thanks.

Baz, you're a cool guy, man.

Brandon Vegas.

I just wanted to thank you for three years of laughs, and I appreciate it, man.

I look forward to it every week.

Awesome.

Thanks, bro.

I appreciate that.

What else we got to thank here?

I should have had this ready.

I usually write all these things down every year for this time.

Of course, Syndicate Radio, I want to thank Dino for putting us on here.

I want to thank Zolot for introducing us to those people.

He's been with us since the first.

Dino, of course, I had no problem helping out the website.

Thank you for having us on here.

Great family over there at Syndicate.

Everyone in Syndicate, I don't want to leave anybody out.

out and uh most importantly i mean i know you know if i if you've contributed a lot to the show

and i'm forgetting it's just because it's really late i'm tired um but you are appreciative i

definitely want to thank most importantly more than anything else is all the listeners we have

here all the people will make time once a week or and even during their off time to go to the website

um to watch us in the show this is why we do it we do it for you and we all have fun i just want

to thank you from the bottom of my heart you know so that that's it i think we're out of here for

For the night, we've had a great show.

I want to thank everybody for celebrating with us.

We're going to keep pushing on.

Can you please thank Tina for me?

Thank her for putting up with all my bullshit and taking care of my hermano in the times that I can't be there, man.

Thank you, Tina.

Yeah.

I know you're out there listening, and best wishes to you as well.

Right on.

Oh, yeah, I should thank Recklood also.

Recklood's a big part of the show, and when he's able to call in, he contributes a lot.

He's run the show for us.

On that side, I don't want to do this show.

Recklood will call in, and he'll carry the ship.

Yep, and he'll steer it.

Oh, Jim Stewart also has joined in quite a bit.

He was going to try to make it tonight.

He could not.

And almost for Hollywood Vanya also, man.

He's done a great, tremendous job editing prank calls for us.

And a great, very good prank caller, very good voices and everything.

I definitely want to give him a thanks.

And a big what's up to Dr. Lego also for being so supportive and helpful.

Dr. Lego, motherfucking Lego.

That's right.

I think that's about it.

We got everybody.

I've got a good old Zolar, too, buddy.

Good old Zolar, man.

He's been in there a long time.

and definitely he's made it all worthwhile.

Definitely just was fun.

Turd Burglar.

For some of the greatest numbers also.

He sent us Charlie Patton.

He sent us the incredible depth of Freeman's Field and more.

And Turd Burglar.

Wherever you are, man, Turd Burglar, man, we miss you.

Hopefully he's in Iraq still.

I think he's going to be finishing his tour any day now,

so hopefully he's okay.

He listens to the podcast,

so when you hear this, Turd Burglar, you're the man.

And Gangrene also has helped us out with a lot of promotional audio

and stuff like that.

He's not around as he used to be as much.

Keep your head.

Yeah, and the warrior.

But, yeah, definitely a turd burglar man, funny guy, funny pranker,

and out there sacrificing himself for this country.

Despite what we all think about the status of this war

and the reasons we're there right now and how bad it may be,

it takes a real man to actually, you know, go over there and sacrifice his time

and his safety in defense of this country and defense of democracy

and just defense of defense.

So we're out of here, folks.

Thank you very much for listening.

We'll catch you here next week, Thursday nights, as always.

Be sure to stay tuned to Syndicate Radio.

And, of course, be sure to listen.

Is there a Saturday show?

The Saturday show is on hiatus because it's hard for me to do a Saturday show.

I don't know.

I've got to pick a different night.

I'm available.

You're available?

What's Saturday?

Saturday.

I have a dinner going on this Saturday, like early, like an early 6 o'clock thing out of town.

I don't think I can.

I don't know, man.

The week after.

a week from this Saturday

we'll do another Saturday show

we'll do an afternoon show

so I'll keep you posted

we'll talk about it next week

deal? works?

alright cool folks

we'll catch you next week

thanks for listening

here's to another three years

that's right

keep getting my life in bed

live Thursday nights

10pm Eastern

why don't you shut the hell up

be sure to visit us online at

at madhouselive.com.

Calls (30, 1 h 28 min of 3 h 1 min)

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