2008-07-24 Show

Who the fuck is this?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Who the fuck is this?

We got down a little bit.

What do we say?

I got to turn Milkman's echo off.

There you go.

Echo off.

Remember that old command, Milkman, back in the day?

Echo off.

You guys don't know.

You know what I did, man?

I disconnected the webcam.

I got to restart the webcam thing.

I kicked it out with my big hoe.

Oh, heck.

Oops.

Give me a second here, folks.

All you syndicators and people, it should be up in a moment.

Momentarily, in the meantime, this is Madhouse Radio Machine.

The machination has begun.

There we go.

It is working now.

Woo-hoo.

We have video.

I think we got video.

There we go.

I'm on the video, man.

Wave your hands if you move.

There we go.

That's better.

All right, everybody.

Hey, what's up?

Good evening.

Funny start to the show, but we're here.

This is Madhouse Radio, where we have fun.

We're about having fun.

We're about meeting guys, meeting girls, getting drunk.

Hey.

Yay.

I've had connections in the Madhouse.

Oh, my God.

We're all about connections.

Holy.

I've got this real pretty connection tonight.

So, are you okay, Tuck?

You sound kind of like more serious than normal.

Is that the prescription enzyme over there kicking in on you?

It's a happy day.

Happy days are here again.

Alright folks

Well if one guy can't hear and everybody else can't hear

Then what's that about

No audio on Justin

I can hear

I can't hear anything

No audio on Justin

The stream is working

I don't know what to tell you about Justin

Justin should be working

Let me start the broadcast

Let's try that again

Try Justin again

See if it's working now

Maybe it's working now.

I don't know, folks.

You know what?

You just got to bear with me here.

It's going to be one of those nights.

Okay, they're saying it's working now.

I had to stop and restart it because I kicked it up.

Anyway, anyway, anyway.

We'll be with you.

I want to make an announcement here tonight.

I'll get to it later.

An important announcement here tonight.

Don't forget.

Remind me about that announcement, Milkman, okay?

If you don't forget to remind me, then we're screwed.

All right.

That was an important announcement.

All right.

If you're listening here tonight, you can message me live.

If you are listening live, if you're not on the podcast,

You can message me over on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

Madhouse Radio is the screen name.

Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, you can message me on madhouseatlive.com.

I'm going to give an introduction, of course.

I'm out of order tonight.

The Milkman is here.

The Milkman four-time domino champion of the Caribbean.

What's up, my man?

Hey, everybody.

We're back out there

And of course Tuck

Tuck over from tuckermike.com

Consummate legend here as well

The shortstop of the show is here as well

As I sip another sip of my beer

I want to say hi to everybody who's listening to us live

The people are starting to filter in

The news is getting around that we're back on

Everyone is excited

We've got a lot of people

A lot of people over at syndicate radio.tv

Our flagship station

What's up guys

Big Zolar, host of Zolar Party Nation, is in the house.

He should be on tomorrow, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

He's giving the devil horns up there, some type of satanic ritual sign that he does from the 1980s and 70s.

Something he's into.

He's into satanic rituals and drinking sheep's blood.

And, dude, that is cool, man.

You are allowed to do whatever you want.

That's what you have to do?

In America, he's allowed to do so.

You can't do anything about it.

That's right.

The G-Wizzer's in there.

G-Wiz is featured all over the Madhouse forums, man.

He's got like three or four pranks in there.

I don't think he knows about it, but he's been quite the popular guy.

What else?

Dino, Sidekick Chuck's in the house.

The Asian Sensation is in there.

That's a cool little name right there, the Asian Sensation.

I like that one.

You guys can run with that if you want.

Sidekick Chuck, the Asian Sensation is in the house.

And a lot of others in there.

We'll get to some more formal introductions later on.

I want to say what's up to Lonesome Loser, who's made it this week.

Thank you, man.

He's already confirming numbers.

He said he's tired, but he's going to be with us for the show.

That's awesome, bro.

Thanks for coming in on your night of tiredness.

He's already sent the numbers for Happy Endings, the Irish Immigrant Pub,

the Fox and Hound Irish Pub, and Bad Donkey Tattoos.

Hey, there you go.

The Limp Lizard Bar and Grill.

So we've got all that to look forward to so far,

and I'm sure we'll have more numbers to do.

and new news reminding us that tonight is

the 5th Annual

General Convention of the C of C

What is the C of C?

Any idea what the C of C is?

The Knights of Columbus? No.

That's not it. That's the K of C.

Children of the Confederacy.

Okay, thank you.

Children of the Losers.

God, those guys just

will not let that thing go, will they?

Land of Southwest again.

Okay, was Tennessee, but Tennessee wasn't in the Confederacy.

They were one of the states that, the slave states that stayed in the Union.

So, Kentucky, was Kentucky the one that stayed in the Union?

Okay, so who's more north, Kentucky or Tennessee?

Kentucky's north.

But Kentucky stayed in the Union, though, right?

Didn't they?

Yeah, which end of the map, yeah, okay.

Okay.

It depends on what beer number you're on.

There's hair on the microphone, man.

Athena, the only woman wrong here in this house.

Will you be coming back someday?

So, yeah, we've got that to look forward to.

You can send your request to me as well.

The toll-free line will be open later on tonight.

Please don't call it now, but the toll-free line will be open.

Milkman, what is that toll-free line, please, if you could?

888-278-8509.

I have no idea what you said.

888-278-8509.

Thanks for clearing that up for us, Milkman.

888-278-8509.

And he said if you have the time, then we got the dime.

That's his nice old ditty there, though.

Thank you, sir.

I don't know if you guys noticed.

I received an e-mail this morning.

I don't know how this works.

I don't know if I'm going to be sued by Warner Brothers or not, but I got an e-mail this morning.

How was it?

I know Tuck's side.

I don't know if, Milkman, did you hear about the e-mail that I got from Comcast this morning regarding my Internet service?

No, you didn't tell me about this.

No, no, no, nothing nice like that.

Hang on, let's see.

Here's how it starts.

Notice of action under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act.

Got an abuse number here.

Reported date yesterday, 7.48 a.m.

Dear Comcast High Speed Internet subscriber,

Comcast has received a notification by a copyright owner or its authorized agent

reporting an alleged infringement of one or more copyrighted works made

Honor Over Comcast High Speed Internet Service, also known as the service.

The copyright owner has identified your IP address associated with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So basically, I was downloading a torrent for the new Batman movie.

I started downloading it, and within 15 minutes, apparently a lawyer for Warner Brothers found out about it

and reported me to Comcast, and I got a strongly worded letter from the abuse department at Comcast.

All it says here, I haven't been shut off yet.

They haven't shut me off.

What they've said is that they've turned over my information from the Comcast Legal Response Center.

That's all I got so far.

They said, we remind you that any matter disconstitutes an infringement of the copyrighted work in violation of Comcast acceptable use policy, blah, blah, blah.

So basically they say that I violated their AUP, and they're just kind of giving me a warning, don't do it again.

Well, shame on you.

Well, fuck that shit.

That's just stupid, man.

I never download movies because they're crappy,

but I really don't feel like sitting through watching this movie in a movie theater

because it's way too packed right now to go see it.

I don't like big crowds.

There's too many germs.

So I want to watch it here in my house,

despite the fact that it's a crappy version.

But what happens when I've got to get some thermite

and burn everything here and all the hard drives in the house so far

I can't control the milkman?

How do you make thermite anyway?

Is there a recipe for that?

You work in the chemical industry.

Have you ever worked with thermite before?

Tell you what, that is some really hot shit.

Yeah, thermite's some fun stuff.

We'll just take and actually fuse metal alone just with the heat released during the chemical.

Yeah, thermite will kill a Terminator.

I learned that from the Terminator TV show.

Thermite will kill a Terminator.

The only thing that can kill a Terminator is thermite.

We'll get to hearing that heater alarm off again.

Yeah, maybe it will go off again.

They use those to weld the rail ties together.

You know, the actual rails themselves, that's what they use to weld them together.

Wow, well.

I guess that'll do the job then.

So let me get some thermite in here.

Is that illegal to get thermite?

I mean, if I go to the store and ask for thermite, will they report me to DHS or something?

I'll have to check that out.

They'll probably point you back to the, you know, back to the fitness department there,

and you can get you a bottle of thermite right there and cool your suit off or, you know, warm up your soda.

Cool.

All right.

Well, awesome.

That's what I want, a warm soda.

Zev Dezev is reporting in.

He's our secret source in the porno webcam chat rooms,

and he's got a guy calling himself Chuckles.

Why did the ladies go for a name like that?

His number, he gave out his number in a porno webcam chat room.

The girl named Constance was in the room but not on cam in Pennsylvania.

Confirmed, the guy answered.

Say you found this number in your girlfriend's cell phone.

He said, reported.

So we got a phone number here for a guy who was being out in the chat room again.

Good deal.

It works.

Thanks, Zef.

And then it was reminding me that he wants you to call the CUC right now

No, because they are all in their rooms, apparently, according to Nunu.

Apparently, Nunu has a spy cam, and that's exactly where they are all the time, so he says to call right now.

Okay, well, very well then, Nunu, we'll do that now.

Now, last year we called them at their conference.

I believe that we reported that there was a turd, that one of their members had gone down to the pool and taken a shit in the pool,

and they had to come fix it or something, or come clean it up, and they got very upset when I said the word turd or something.

That was fun.

He's got the name here.

No pool party this year.

Oh, man.

Perhaps because they'd be canceled.

Maybe that was my fault.

You got a point.

Okay.

And then they're having a meeting right now in the suite, he says.

All right, well, let's call here to Harold.

Harold is holding a meeting in his suite right now.

The Director General of the Children of the Confederacy.

Excellent.

Just a moment, folks.

Yeah, buddy.

This is Sharon.

How may I assist you?

Hey, Sharon, I need to speak with Harold Trammell, please.

You should be registered there in your computer machine.

That's what they call it here in Europe.

Pam.

Old Trammell.

I have two rooms on the Pam Trammell.

Oh, Pam.

That's the wife, yes.

Okay, one second.

Thank you.

Miniature doll.

And things for the kids.

Laughing.

No one laughs at that thing.

It's the first time someone actually laughed at that.

Quite smart, isn't she?

Hendricksburg Hospitality House's message that you are trying to reach is not available right now.

Wait.

Told.

Thank you for calling Hendricksburg Hospitality House.

This is Sharon.

I may help you.

Hey, Sharon, could you try the other suite for Mr. and Mrs. Trammell?

I wasn't able to get him at that last one.

Thank you.

Is Harold available?

Are you asking?

No, he's in 364.

364?

Are they doing the meeting right now?

This is...

Okay, well, I was calling for the meeting itself.

I had an issue with the meeting, actually.

Okay, hold on.

This is Pam Trammell.

Can I help you?

Pam, how are you doing?

Yes.

This is John Turk.

This is John who?

This is John Turk.

How are you?

I'm doing fine.

Why did you not invite me to your little meeting?

And who would you be?

I'm the assistant coordinator of staff events here at the hotel.

Well, because you're not allowed into this meeting.

Well, there's supposed to be a representative at all events here

that are supposed to be registered with the hotel here at the conference center.

Okay, well, I tell you what.

You call Ms. Devin Miller.

She is in the hotel, and I'm sure she can assist you.

Thank you so much.

What I need to advise you of is you need to end this meeting immediately.

This is an unauthorized meeting.

Damn it, I'm going to call her right back.

Hang on.

What button do I push?

Milkman.

Flash, right?

Hooray.

Thank you for calling Fredericksburg Hospitality House.

This is Sharon.

How may I help you?

Hey, Sharon, I was disconnected. Could you put me back through to Mrs. Trammell, please? Pam Trammell?

Okay.

Thank you, ma'am.

I need to speak with Pam, please.

She's not in here.

I was just talking to her. How come you lie now?

You people are holding an unauthorized meeting.

Jesus Christ, these people are pricks. Racists.

I'm going to call them back later. Let me call their front desk and complain.

I don't know. What the fuck?

the front is doing what the hell is that all about milkman are you in the chat room did you

make it to the syndicate room man hello no milkman well i'll see ted man hey ted welcome back i haven't

seen you in a few weeks how you doing man what's up good good i got my child laid down in the

bathroom yeah i laid all my pipe in the bedroom the other day you know i'm saying hey um i was

going to mention i don't know if you noticed uh but i did want to bring up to everybody else here

as well as uh tad uh for those of you who are fans of prank calls be sure to check out over

at seanward.net our good friend sean ward has begun updating on a weekly basis every tuesday

um old and new prank calls over there at his new redone site so everyone be sure to visit he's a

you know constantly he's a vip here in madhouse he visits us every once in a while and i wanted

to make sure i told everybody to be sure to check out uh sean ward that's s-h-e-a-n ward s-h-e-a-n

nward.net.

He's got some new prank calls up there.

He said he's going to be updating it on a Tuesday basis.

Be sure to check that out, man.

Consummate prank call legend here.

I will gladly pay you Tuesday.

For a prank call today.

Who's there?

Nunu says to call Harold.

We'll call back later, sir.

We want to make sure that things calm down there for a little bit.

Lonesome Loser has sent in some numbers.

Let's go ahead and call those real quick here.

Starting off with...

Oh, we've got some more numbers from them also.

Eduardo's Border Grill.

We've got El Chihuahua.

We've got the Blue Coyote Grill.

Excuse me, Bravo Burgers and the Havana Cafe.

So we've got a lot of stuff here to call tonight.

That's good.

A lot of stuff to do.

We've got some news articles to discuss here as well.

Aereo K, Aereo UK.

Our friend from Norway, the Norwegian guy from Norway.

I always see Norway.

Been a while since the last time I listened to you.

Can you please do a Fat Albert call?

Milkman, remind me to do a Fenn-Albert call here before the end of the night, okay, sir?

Write that down in your little notebook there, your Hello Kitty notepad, if you don't mind.

Thank you.

Hi.

Yeah, okay.

It's not Hello Kitty.

It's Transformer.

Transformer.

No, he's in Hello Kitty.

Milkman's Japanese.

He loves Hello Kitty.

He's got a big Hello Kitty backpack and a lunch bag he takes to work every day.

He loves Hello Kitty, man.

Hello Kitty.

He's got the apron, too.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Yeah, just running down the roster here real quick, who's listening, Kokanee, our news director.

Like I said, we're going to get to some news articles here soon.

We failed to get to any last week, so we actually got a news article about Rascal Scooter's Milkman.

I think you'll enjoy that.

We'll get to that in a little bit.

You're a representative of that corporation.

Athena's in there.

Tuck is in there, of course.

Bad Boys of Ohio are in the house.

DC Look douche.

He is legend.

I still have not gone to the post office to get that thing that he mailed me.

I've got to take that out.

A douche made an urban-style tag of Madhouse Radio, and he sent it to me by mail.

I've got to aim to go get that Saturday.

I've got to go over to the post office when I get a chance.

Hollywood Vanya is in the house.

Maybe he'll even call in.

Hopefully, Hollywood will call in in a little bit.

We can do some prankage together.

Holy Shut Man, Jim Hayes, is checked in.

Old co-worker of mine, Lonesome Losers, is in there as well.

Let me make sure I op him.

Mr. C, MSC3 Clay, Saigon, Noon, you're all in there.

Of course, as I said before, Dino, G-Wiz, Disturbed, Clavin, Sidekick Chuck, the Asian Sensation, Zolar, of course, in the house still.

And a lot of other people.

Wow, they really got to go through all these.

We've got a lot of guests.

Donovan Douche.

These are douches in both chat rooms.

Look at him.

Look at that guy, huh?

He gets around, huh?

All over the place.

Yeah, Zolar.

Coming all over the spaces, coming all over the area.

That's why he needs to douche.

Yeah, that's why he needs to douche.

That's right.

Good point.

There you go.

Ted, you know what you get for that?

Yeah, you get a gold star.

There you go, my friend.

Awesome.

Good one.

Yay.

Yeah, you know what those are good for.

Nothing.

Ashley Doll Awesome Angelo.

Angelo.

Baba British.

The Bad Boys in there also.

Blitz K.

Bridges Sam.

Crazy Heretic.

What is Bridges Sam?

What's Bridges Sam?

That's too many S's, bro or girl, whatever you are, man.

Cut down on the S's.

Leave some S's for the rest of us, man.

DonovanDankT

and I've been turning on to them

and some of the info treading over here

MonkeySucksCorrupt, MrsJackieWenchy

ZevDaZev, we talked about ZolaRisGod

anyway, a lot of people listening tonight

so thank you everybody

we're going to get into the pranks now

of course you can call in

1-888-278-8509

once again that's 1-888-278-8509

Milkman, would you like to make a music request sir?

I promise I will do it

You know what we didn't do last week?

You said The Doors last week, and we never got to it.

I should do that one.

Let me just find a Doors song.

One of them will be about The Doors.

Play a T-Rex instead.

I'm drunk.

I'm fucking high.

I'm drunk.

I'm dead.

Is that The Doors?

T-Rex.

Okay, here we go.

Oh, hell.

Children of the Revolution.

Here you go.

Whoa.

Loud.

All right, guys.

Let's take it easy.

Here goes the next prank call of the night.

We're calling the Irish Immigrant Pub in Seattle, Washington.

Just a moment.

How are you?

maximum people you guys could sit in a table. That's not very funny because, as a matter

of fact, we're with the National Association of Fat Acceptance. That's disgusting, lady.

Have you ever heard of the Helms-Burton Act of 1996? You fucking cunt. I'm going to get

her right back. Damn it. No one makes fun of fat people. Wow. I swear to God, man. We're

not having a good show tonight. I just warn you now. Everyone alert. Boring. Just hang

Hang on.

No, that would be good.

Call her back, and that would be great.

I'm going to call her to see where did her face go.

She just ain't having the fat.

She ain't having the fat.

What, like their food doesn't have fat in it?

I'm going to bring that up, matter of fact.

As a matter of fact.

Ho, ho, ho.

A 482 pass.

What you got, Ted?

I need to work this in somehow.

Tell her, tell her it's the bar like a porcupine.

It's the bar like a porcupine?

Yeah, the pricks are on the outside.

I thought it was like an Irish limerick for a second.

Give me some Irish limericks, people out there.

You Irish, you mix out there who are listening.

Give me some funny Irish limericks.

There once was a woman from China with a popsicle in her vagina.

Tell her that.

See if she likes that.

She's Irish, isn't she?

To use your normal voice or the phone number entered is invalid.

Please re-enter the number you wish to call.

Because it would melt, wouldn't it?

To place a call, one number.

See area by the pound sign.

All right, we're good.

That was one down.

That was kind of fun.

Yay.

Hope you guys enjoyed that one for what it was worth.

All right, we're going to call the fox in hand.

You know what I heard?

I don't know if anybody else heard this on Howard today,

and Gary was just on before we started,

but I don't know if this is an older prank or a new one of his.

He did this prank where he was calling a store that sells beagles,

and he was saying, I want bagels.

I want a bagel with cheese.

And the guy's like, we don't have fucking bagels.

It's beagles, like the dog.

And he goes, we don't have bagels.

No, we don't have fucking bagels.

It was funny.

I laughed and laughed.

And then I had to go to work, and I realized I'm this sort of crime.

If anybody has a copy of that, send it over to me.

I'd like to play it.

Don't cry for me, Argentina.

Yeah.

Oh, Madonna.

Madonna's getting divorced.

Let me give a quick news story here off the kokanee line.

Let's get to that real quick.

Oh, we got something to talk about.

Milkman, who's your favorite Golden Girl?

I bet you know who it is.

Milkman there, paying attention.

Milkman, Milkman.

Hello, Milkman.

Can you hear me now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hear you now.

Who's your favorite Golden Girl?

Did you ever watch the Golden Girls?

Maude.

It was my favorite one, Maude.

The one that talked like this, you know.

He used to try to do phone calls once.

Huh?

He finally died.

There was no Maude?

Maude.

No, Estelle Getty.

She's dead, man.

Yeah, sure.

I don't know her name.

Maude.

I don't know who you're talking about.

Estelle.

The old one that smoked a cigarette.

No.

What show are you watching?

What are you talking about?

Estelle Getty, the older one.

The old crotchety one that was in the movie with Sylvester Stallone.

Dead.

Zohar says B. Arthur was mom

well this one played the mom

B. Arthur's mom

okay

alright so yeah

Estelle Getty

you know and I realized

Estelle Getty

was the youngest one

they put her in makeup

as the oldest one

I don't know if she was

the youngest one

but she was

she died

she was 86

I could have sworn

she was 86

back in like 1985

So that lady really hit the wall really bad.

She was in makeup.

No, she was not.

That was her real face.

I thought she was older than me.

She was in makeup.

It was a mask.

Yeah, Milkman had a run on that.

I bet you he did.

It was a mask.

It was a mask the whole time, yeah.

She must have died with the same mask on.

Show your titties.

Show your titties, Estelle Getty.

Show your titties.

Come on, Granny.

Come on, show your titties.

All right, you guys are all nasty, all right?

We're talking about old 80s septic neurologians.

What is that called when someone's in their 70s?

You call them septagenarians or something like that?

It's all fun.

Septagenarians.

Octagenarians, apparently, or whatever you guys are talking about.

You guys are dirty.

All right, so let's call the Fox and Hound Irish Pub.

All right, guys?

Yeah.

And if you guys want to call in and do some pranks, you can.

We've got a lot of numbers to do.

He is looking and says his girlfriend says hi.

Well, that's good, man.

And tell your girlfriend I said hi and ask her how I taste.

Yeah.

All right, we're going to call the fox and hound.

Hang on, everybody.

Oh, shut up, Athena.

You don't like it?

Go to sleep.

It's the thing that I believe in.

Getting his ass looked right about now.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, smack him in the head.

Excuse me.

I know you just did it.

I'm being advised that I'm supposed to say I'm sorry for what I just said

and that I am very loyal.

Okay.

And I love my fiancée at the end.

All right.

For now.

Good boy.

Until she gets out of line.

Man, Ted, you're in a good mood tonight, man.

That's for you.

You have some paint over there?

Adhesive?

Up in gas.

Fox

and hound?

Yes.

Good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

I need to brush up on my skills, you know what I mean?

I'm just going to be trouble with you, me and you.

So I got to see you.

Okay.

I'm going to go in there and let some foxes loose and throw onions at them.

Okay.

Now, will that be all you guys get down like that?

No.

You know what?

Fur is murder.

What, you guys want me to shoot the hounds?

disgusting lady, come on, god, this show sucks tonight, man, you know where this show is,

right here, worst show of the month, so far, I don't know what's going on tonight, man,

I just don't have the juice, we're gonna call the bad donkey tattoos now, might as well,

bad prank calls, bad donkey tattoos, all makes sense, where's Reckwood when you need him,

where is that guy, Reckwood, I see him on during the day,

Hey, you're pretty mad.

Welcome.

Jealous is us calling an old lady and threatening to burn her house down.

Well, that's nice.

This is the tattoo guy?

Are you the guy that does the tattoos over there?

Is there more than one of you?

There's more than one of us, yeah.

Hey, look, wife went in there, right?

She got a tattoo.

Okay.

And it says Jake on it.

And my name ain't fucking Jake.

Who's Jake?

You tell me who Jake is.

Well, this is Bruce.

I'm not Jake.

Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't fuck up a Jake and a Bruce.

Well, then in that case, you must know something that I don't.

Is your name Jake?

My name ain't Jake.

Put Jake on it.

I don't know who the fuck Jake is.

Put fucking Jake on the phone over there.

I'm going to have a good talking to that bastard.

There ain't a fucking Jake here.

Well, someone tattooed their name on my wife's left tit.

But it wasn't fucking here.

Well, she said she was drinking, and then she...

Well, if she's drinking, it's her fucking problem.

It says right here on the thing that if it's a Jake,

that she wasn't fucking drinking when she got tattooed.

Don't call me up giving me a bunch of shit.

Hey, you fucking asshole.

Look, she's a married woman.

You don't go around...

That is not my problem, what's happening in your personal life, pal.

She said that she couldn't see and she said put my husband's name on my wife's tip

and that the guy put their own name on it and your name is Jake.

My name is not fucking Jake.

Well, when you picked up, you said this is Jake.

Bad tattoo.

I did not.

Why would I tell you I'm fucking Jake when I'm not Jake?

I'm going to give you a prison tattoo right on your ass that's going to have my name Bruce on it.

You understand?

Sure.

Come on down, pal.

I'm going to come down and make you eat those needles too, buddy.

All right.

Come on down, pal.

How do you get these things out?

Just like I said.

Well, how can you get these things out, man?

Laser removal.

That's the only thing I know.

Dude, you need to make this right.

I didn't do fucking nothing wrong.

Well, you're covering for Jake, then.

Either you're Jake's or you're Jake's dad.

I don't know a fucking Jake.

Can you change Jake to Bruce?

Because if not, I'm going to divorce her, man.

Well, I...

Women, should you?

Well, she shouldn't fill out a form that says she's not drunk.

Well, no, but she said that she was coerced to sign it under alcohol arrest.

Oh, what the fuck ever.

When I put the lawsuit I'm going to put on you,

you're going to have to close your business down.

I'm going to take all your business...

You know what?

She's got the fuck...

We've got the damn paperwork here that she signed saying she wasn't drunk, so bring it

on, motherfucker.

I just forced her to write down on a piece of paper that it was your fault, that it

says Jake did the tattoo with his name on it.

Fine and dandy.

All right.

It's going to work out super in court.

Well, no, it is in the hard court of Knox.

That's where it's going to work out.

The hard court of Knox, buddy.

You know where I'm at, bud.

Well, you know, a signed paper...

You know right where I'm at.

It could be on a napkin.

a signed paper

is a bond of truth

a sacred bond

and when I

what are you talking about

I'm going to go in

I'm going to break in

I'm going to burn

all your files

and you're not going

to have any

you're not going to

have any proof

you're going to break

in here

I'm going to break in

I'm going to steal

the files

I'm going to shred them

and then where's

you

so when it happens

what are you going to do

when they shred your files

you don't have a

you ain't going to get in here

cocksucker

so don't even

fucking threaten

how am I not going to

get in there dude

how do you know

dude I'll be sitting here

fucking waiting on you

I will sleep in this

motherfucker. I'm a fucking ninja, man.

I'll go in there. Whatever.

You know what? I wasn't fucking

Invasion of Panama. I'm fucking hardcore, man.

Alright. I'll go in there like

I'm glad you're hardcore. Yeah, I'm gonna go

in there like a ninja. I'm gonna take

all your, I'm gonna shred your papers in front of you.

And you'll be like, oh no, Bruce, don't do it.

Don't do it again, Bruce. Don't do it.

I'm gonna take the tattoo machine.

I'm gonna put it right on your face. It's gonna say

Bruce. Calm down, Bruce.

You want me to come down?

If you want to solve the problem, you come down and talk to me.

I'm going to come down and make you sign all the...

It's pretty easy to be tough on the fucking phone.

Look, I'm writing right now.

It says right here on this paper,

my name is Jake and I am guilty.

And I'm making an X and a line.

You're going to sign your name after the X right there.

Dude, I am not Jake.

Well, when you sign the paper, it says your name...

Who the fuck is this?

When you sign the paper, it says your name is Jake.

I ain't signing shit, pal.

Then you're guilty.

Because apparently...

Whatever.

We sign the paper and then they know,

oh, yeah, I could be in there high off my ass

on amphetamines

and huffing paint

and tile adhesive

and I can sign a paper

that says,

oh, no,

I just want my tattoo

for agricultural purposes.

I'm not drunk.

What is that?

And all of a sudden,

you're like Pontius Pilate

washing your hands, huh?

Well, it doesn't work like that.

This is America.

I don't know from what country

you came over from.

You sound like you're

a damn Muslim.

Where did you come from?

What country?

Oh, heat shit.

Coming over here

and taking all our jobs

from India, you bastards.

Why don't you go back

to your own country, man?

I don't know who this fucking is.

Damn immigrant tattoo artist

Oh yeah

You old bastard

Yeah I'm sure

You listen to me talk

Fucking muzzle

You have like some accent there

Maybe it's a gay affliction

To your voice maybe

Oh you're a cocksucker

Hey put your girlfriend

On the line over there

I'll give her a good tossing too

Oh is that right

Who's the woman over there

Who the fuck is this

This is Bruce man

The guy that's gonna go in there

I'm gonna shred all your papers

Bruce I about had it with you

Alright sir

Put that girl on the phone man

I'm warning

No, you don't need to talk to anybody but me.

No, but I want to talk...

Why are you cock-blocking me, man?

I'm going to let you off easy if you let me talk to the girl.

You're just bitching.

Why do you want to fuck around with your wife?

Ask her over there.

Because she's got Jake's name, your name.

So tell her...

I am not Jake.

Tell her to talk me off in the background.

All right, he hung up already.

That was funny.

All right, talking me off here, yeah.

Oh, there we go.

Just a little bit of redemption, huh?

I'm sure Zobar appreciated that he's a tattoo artist.

I don't know where I got that from.

Someone did a prank once where they said, you know,

yeah, someone still got a tattoo, and that's not my name.

Was that Clone, maybe?

Or someone did that a long time ago.

I don't know.

That was an older prank.

I am literally on beer number three.

Hey, thanks, man.

You're cool.

Thanks, man.

If anybody wants to call in, you can.

The toll free line is open.

1-888-278-8509.

I see Hollywood just tried to call in right before that call, and I missed it.

I'm sorry, man.

Call back in.

Call again.

We'll do some pranks.

We'll have fun.

We'll touch each other on the phone.

Tell him he smells like a curry-filled cunt.

God.

Did Clone come in the room a few weeks ago?

I don't know.

Did he?

I don't think so.

I don't even think he's in it anymore.

Oh, he's on his mobile phone right now.

We should try to give Clone a call.

See what he's been up to.

Yeah.

Gatling is sending in a number for Sandra Kaye Tampon.

Wow.

That sounds funny.

A lot of gas.

Like burping, you know what I mean, from the beard.

Nino says, Hollywood, fuck with the racists, please, when you do call in.

This is him.

Radio, you're on the air.

Douche, hi, man.

You're doing pretty good masking your phone around, trying to get through.

Can't even think of a way of not masking it, man.

That's what your real voice sounds like, and you're masking it now?

Is that what it is?

Favorite Golden Girl, douche.

Did you ever watch the Golden Girls?

No, man.

No?

How's that?

Golden Girls, you don't know that?

No, they're on, like, repeats and stuff.

You know what the Golden Girls are, man.

man. Don't watch repeats, though, uh, you know? What TV shows do you like to watch?

Hockey. Hockey? That's not even in season, man. I know, I watch replays. That's pretty

freaking sad, dude. Yo, let's prank someone. Yeah, you get one prank, alright, and then

everybody else has to call in, alright? No one wants to hear people call in more than

once a night, because, especially Dr. Lego, he doesn't like that. What do you want to

call a restaurant, or what do you want to call? I got an escort service also. Yeah,

let's call the escort service. Alright, this is called University Escorts. Can you help

Can you help me out? Can you help me?

What do you need me to do?

Prankmaster, what do you need?

Okay, well, here you go.

University S course.

I'm going to help you out, okay?

I promise I will help you.

You got it?

Yep.

All right, man.

This is our biggest caller here.

Just a moment.

After you, Hollywood's going to call us,

and we're going to make this fast.

Don't go anywhere.

Oh, my God.

Hello.

How can I help you?

Hey, do you guys have any big girls over there?

What do you mean by big?

Like larger women, larger than average?

Well...

Like more than 150?

Yes, we do.

What city are you in?

Well, can I put my friend?

We're in Fredericksburg here at the hotel.

Uh-huh.

Okay, so my friend, let me just give him, let me connect him real quick, all right?

Bruce, you there?

I got her on the line.

She said she's got a girl for you.

Go ahead.

Are you in a hotel?

Yes.

Call back and then give your name that you're registered to, your room number, lady.

Can I just tell you right now?

To leave your information and I'd have a lady call you.

Put us on hold or something?

Oh, douche, I don't know where this is going.

Sorry, it's a polite hang-up.

Hey, Thina, you do me a favor and give me my wallet, please.

Thank you.

How come I hear a shadow?

Shadow?

Of my voice.

Listen.

Oh, it's in my pants.

In the bedroom.

Thank you.

Thina's getting my wallet, douche.

Isn't that great?

What's it for?

I'm going to buy more minutes for the phone.

What are you doing with the shadow?

I was talking about my dick.

What's going on?

Why are we on hold?

I don't know.

She hung up because you ruined the prank call, man.

You weak sauce.

How do you hear shadows anyway?

You mean an echo?

Is that what you're talking about?

out you're our stone aren't you how much do you smoke in a day you don't know how long does it

take you to go through an ounce let's say give her shit baby a couple of weeks so you go through

an ounce every two weeks you go through like a half ounce a week is that just you smoking or do

you like share with other people uh it depends depends on what's going on yeah okay well it

i usually share with other people but what do you use joints blunts bong five bubblers what do you

do everything man i use everything we gotta have a preference like what do you go for like in the

morning what do you what do you reach for first the bong the bong god i can't stand the fucking

bong that's nasty shit what's that gravity vortex gravity vortex i've only done the gravity bong

once uh tucks over there mentioning a gravity bong is that what you do the water is it like

it's like uh what is it called where you take like a two liter bottle you cut the bottom off

off of it and you put it in a pail of water.

Isn't that the one?

No, man.

This thing is the Gravity Plotax.

It's under $20, right?

It's like high-tech.

Under $20?

Yeah, it's high-tech shit.

It's a high-tech version of a low-tech thing.

How does it work?

Tell me.

Explain it.

Coke bottles, yeah.

Go on their website.

Okay.

They've got a website.

Did you buy one?

Yeah.

You have one?

Yeah.

Is it one of those things where you have to plug it into an outlet or something like that?

No, you don't have to plug it in.

The YouTube of Milk Sticky Demo Strip.

Really?

Matt, I'll let other people call in.

You know, I have to go now.

All right, man.

Well, thanks for calling in, bro.

You should call in again later on tonight.

Maybe.

We'll give you the word.

If you have permission, I'll check with Lego, okay?

Lego shooed yesterday.

It did?

I didn't miss it.

I was sleeping.

I fell asleep at 8.30 last night, man.

I still woke up tired.

That's how crazy I am.

I tried to call in, but he didn't let me.

He didn't let you?

He blocked you?

He said he doesn't like you, right?

Yeah, he doesn't.

I don't know why.

What did you do to him?

I told you he's not happy with you because you're bothering my show.

That's why you bring us down.

All right, man.

Take it easy, man.

Be safe and don't get caught out there, all right?

All right, then.

That was douche, everybody.

Douche.

Let's play a classic.

Let's play a classic parent call here while I finish out the purchase of the new phone car.

Let me go over to the new Madhouse forums, which you can visit over at madhouselive.com if you haven't yet.

And there's a lot of new parent calls up there.

Thanks to Hollywood Vonnie, who will be calling in in a second, I'm sure.

Hint, hint.

Uh, what was a good prank call we played lately off of there?

Let's see here.

Get out of the house now.

Yeah, this is from last week.

These are pretty funny prank calls.

If you missed them, here you go.

Listen to these for a moment.

We'll be right back with more live pranks.

Is that the end of it?

No, not the end of it.

I've got to find that, dude.

I can't find it anywhere.

I think Ted has it, too.

Don't you, Ted?

Hello?

Hey, what's up?

Hello?

Oh, my God.

Hello?

Oh, my God.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Yes, are you okay?

Yes.

There's a problem.

Yes, what problem?

You need to get all your clothes in the bag immediately, please.

All my clothes in the bag?

Yes, put all your clothes in the bag immediately and step outside,

and you need to take the garden hose and wet down your house.

And wet down my house?

Yes, you need to put water all over your house with your garden hose.

You can even urinate on it if you need to.

Just a minute.

Okay.

Okay, I'll put down my clothes, put on my clothes and come down.

Okay, please hurry up.

Okay.

Okay, okay.

It's taking so long.

What's taking so long?

When I'm coming down, I'll have to change.

Well, no, no, just come down without your...

What do you have on right now?

She already hung up.

Hello?

Hey, lady, what took you so long?

Where were you?

Well, who are you calling?

The thing is, to me, everything is normal.

Why do I have to come down?

There's nothing normal.

Who are you calling?

There's a methane leak.

Yeah, but, like, there's...

In the clothes, there's nobody.

If there was a methane leak, other people should have been informed, too.

No, yeah, you're supposed, I should have waked them up, ma'am.

There's nobody now.

I went down, and everything is normal.

You're supposed to tell them that it's a leak.

Someone broke wind, and it was a methane leak, and it's dangerous.

So why aren't the other people out?

I told you you had to knock on the door.

We only have your phone number.

They could be in danger right now.

Well, the thing is, okay, you should, there was, the indoor warden didn't say anything.

Warden?

Indoor warden, yes.

What's an indoor warden?

What are you talking about?

Don't call me because the thing is, how you?

Air Brigade, you know, I bring a bucket of water and, you know, I was hoping to look at, did you go outside?

You ran outside?

Yeah, yeah, I went outside and the lady downstairs, they're asleep, everybody's asleep.

Well, you're supposed to ask you to knock on their door to wake them up

and let them know they had to go outside.

No, I can't wake them up.

They're all sleeping.

Well, okay, well, let them get hurt then.

Let them get hurt.

Who cares?

Huh?

Is that it?

You don't care about them?

No.

No, the thing is, they are the people who are down.

Why didn't you contact them?

No, but I asked you to tell them.

They could be...

No, you didn't ask me.

You told me to put on the clothes and go down.

Ma'am, you know...

And I did go down.

To be honest with you, I think maybe that they, are you sure they're sleeping, or do you think maybe they passed out?

The thing is, I don't think, if you're from the fire brigade, right, like, as far as I'm concerned, the, the, and the people should have at least told me, but nobody has, as far as I'm concerned, I went down and everything is normal.

And if there was a methane leak, outside it would be more dangerous.

What to do? Like, okay, the thing is, how do you know it's my house? Why not the next door?

So you're not wearing any clothing right now?

No.

The hairs for me please.

Pardon?

Part your hairs for me.

Part my hairs?

Yes, please.

I need you to part the hairs.

I don't understand you.

Well, will you take the hairs, and I need you to move them to the side, like part them, you know?

I don't.

There's nobody in the house that doesn't need.

Well, but you have your hair, right?

Do you have your hair down there?

Yes.

Well, I need you to part the hairs and get them out of the way, please.

What is?

I'm coming in with the Vaseline.

Yes.

You seem to be the wrong person.

Sorry, and don't phone me back.

phone you a lot and we're gonna talk sexually you heard that i'm a bad i'm a wrong person

person heard hey what's up what's going on uh hollywood how you doing man thank you for editing

that that's can you part the hairs you seem like a wrong person to me brilliant that was fun hey

man how you been oh i've been just fine how's the old hip holding out or the leg or whatever it was

leg leg it's doing all right i'm still on my wonderful medication and when you're not when

When you're done with those, you know, if you've got any left over, share the wealth, you know.

Yeah, there you go.

Just forward some to you, right?

Forward some, yeah, man.

You got my address?

It's okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

Did you have any problems with the Madhouse CD I sent you?

Someone said that there might be a problem with one of the tracks.

Have you noticed anything?

No, no.

I've listened to all of them.

They've been fine.

Good.

It might have been a funky CD.

All right.

Well, we won't worry about that.

Cool.

Yeah.

Cool, cool, cool.

All right.

Oh, look at that.

Baz says he's going to be in Japan next week.

He's going to try to jump on Ventrilo for next week's show for a Japan update.

That's cool.

Cool.

We'll have to call Vagina Jones.

Vagina Jones.

That was a great call, too.

I'll try to get you some numbers.

All right.

Yeah, do that, Baz.

He's going to try to get us some numbers.

Cool.

Do that, Baz, man.

We'll look forward to that.

Vagina Jones in person over there.

Do you have any requests for prank calls?

Hollywood, I've got a lot of different types of numbers.

I've got a Vietnamese restaurant, escort services here.

We've got the racist people over at the conference.

Hey, whatever, man.

All right, let's try to call the Havana Cafe.

So I'm going to assume this is Cuban food.

That would be my assumption.

Let's see what song we can play here.

Here we go.

A little bit of Led Zeppelin.

Hang on, everybody.

Havana Cafe coming in just a moment.

Hey, Bill Rose, this is Dorian coming in.

Dorian, how are you doing tonight?

Well, thank you.

How are you this evening?

I'm doing just wonderful.

Hey, I've got a quick favor to ask.

Are you busy right now?

No.

Okay, perfect. I need you to clear your mind completely, okay?

And pretend that you have in your hand a deck of cards, okay?

Who is this, please?

This is Skater. I am an illusionist.

And I'm going to attempt, we're live on the air right now, and I'm going to attempt...

Live on the air where?

We're on 98.6 The Mouth, my friend.

So here's what we're going to attempt to do.

I want you to picture a deck of cards in your hand, alright?

You got it?

Okay.

Alright, now, pardon your mind right now.

You got that card?

I do.

What card were you thinking of?

Tell me, you're the illusionist.

Well, no, no, this is part of the trick.

What card were you thinking of?

I'm going to say, man, I'm telling you.

Who plays the call?

One.

It's like, wait a minute.

No, it's the card that says 100 ways to play poker.

They always stick one in there that says that.

You're looking at the queen.

Yeah, the queen.

Idiot, you got the wrong one.

Let's try that again.

That was pretty funny.

Alright, I'm going to call a Vietnamese restaurant and see if they play.

Anyway, this is the Ninh Tri Vietnamese Cuisine in San Francisco.

San Francisco.

Hello, do they just have you?

Yeah, are you taking orders still?

Still taking orders, baby?

Yeah, it's too long.

I need some food.

Do you like?

Man, can I get a Big Mac?

Okay, well, what do you have exactly?

What do you have?

What do you like?

You have some items?

What can I bring to you?

Are you hungry?

Can I bring something to you?

What do you like?

What's your favorite food?

I don't know.

No, no, what's your favorite?

What kind of food do you like?

No, no, I'm asking you, what kind of food do you like?

What kind of food do you like?

That means hurry up in Vietnamese, of course.

Yeah.

That's from my uncle who was in Vietnam.

He said to me all the time, did you make a call?

Press 1.

No, not that guy.

Did you get those calls?

Yeah, you did, right?

Yeah, all four of them are up in the forum right now in the vault.

Yeah, the only problem is that when they all play at once, like, it's like, whoa!

No, I cut them into singles.

Oh, you did?

They're individual, yeah.

Oh, sweet.

That's cool.

Awesome.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone, go to the forums, man.

Hollywood's been doing a good job over there.

Saigon says it's the funniest Chinese woman of all time.

That was pretty funny.

Athena, you quit.

Why are you such a quitter?

Oh, you want to bet?

Oh, okay.

She needs to do a call.

Athena does not do calls.

Everyone tell me out there, is the video working?

Is my video frozen or something?

Can you tell me?

Because, like, I'm looking at the video feed on my end, and there's nothing moving.

It's me in my bald spot.

That's all I see.

How many fingers am I holding up?

The video on your end looks like it's not broadcasting.

Are you talking about on Justin?

Well, on everything.

On NowLive, on Syndicate, on everything.

Is there audio at least?

I mean, I'm hoping the audio's working.

I know that.

Yeah, the audio's working.

But it's an old...

Look at that bald spot, man.

man. That is bad. It's getting worse and worse. Every other week, I look at it, I look at

it sometimes, and I just get so depressed. You're not, uh, you're not, you have a hat

on in this, um, right now. I have a hat on? You have a madhouse hat on. I can't find that

hat anywhere, man. It's missing. My hat is gone. I wish I could find the hat. Yeah, honestly,

I've been looking. Yeah, uh, there's an audio is clear, video frozen. Video is two frames

a minute. Your camera's always, like, one frame every ten seconds when I do my show.

Are you kidding me?

Man, I need some RAM or something.

Lito looks like he has pubes on his head, or as God says.

That's nice.

Thanks, man.

I don't have black people hair.

Penis head.

Yeah.

You know, I had the thing when I was like four or five years old,

when I saw black kids, I would always want to touch their hair because it looked so,

I don't know, nappy.

Not nappy, but it just had that, you know, pubic hair look to it.

I always thought it was cool.

Yeah.

What are you trying to say?

I wouldn't say nothing.

It just was what it looks like.

You're trying to say black kids aren't nappy-headed?

No, they've got a false body.

When you're a little kid, you don't know.

They have interesting hair.

You just want to touch their head.

I've got a bald spot underneath my testicle.

What the hell is that?

It's covered from head to toe.

I look like a werewolf.

You look like a werewolf.

Well, that's great.

We've got to get some pictures of you.

We've got to get some pictures of the people who, you know,

contribute to the show.

I know Tuck has a picture.

And, oh, yeah, you know who I got a picture from the other day

and I wanted to bring up to everybody.

I'm going to post his address.

He told me he'd give me permission to do so in the forums.

Our good friend, no, no, Turd Burglar, he's over there.

Oh, Turd from the middle there, yeah.

Yeah, he's stationed at FOB Warrior, Forward Operating Base Warrior in Kirkuk,

or Kirkuk, whatever it's pronounced in Iraq.

That's cool.

We ought to get together and send him, like, a care package.

Yeah, he asked for this.

The manhouse CDs and...

Yeah, I told him, yeah, I'm going to send him a copy of the manhouse CD.

He said to just send him pranks.

He said, because he gets, he's got a modem out there, and it's like a 28.8 down and up, you know, basically.

So I'll just send him, like, a DVD full of nothing but MP3s.

Yeah, that's what he said.

He said, yeah, if anybody out there, you know, I know, Ted, you've got a lot of, like, pranks on Archive.

If you want to maybe help him out, I'll give you the address and maybe just send him a CD or a DVD full of pranks.

He was begging.

He said everything else I asked him, we need some socks.

or something

and he's like

no man

you know

I just want some pranks

you know

if anybody out there

wants to send me pranks

or music or something

he said no porn

he said you're not allowed

to get porn

not allowed to get alcohol

or anything like that

he said he's got a hard drive

an extra hard drive

for like a terabyte of porn

that they all share

yeah I guess

yeah I know

probably can't

yeah what's the point

that's why you go

into the military

for it

drink booze

and shoot

you know

and shoot terrorists

man

when I was a kid

it was like

you gotta have

Yeah, as soon as you look at it, man, it's going to have, like, Asian whores.

Yeah, man, because I was in Desert Storm.

You've got to have long stuff there.

So, you were in Desert Storm?

You were, really?

Yeah.

I'm the YMCA.

Yeah, so, yeah, because they used to, like, everything, they were, like, you know,

they were, like, you couldn't get alcohol or anything out there, no Playboys,

nothing like that, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, but are people still snuck in alcohol anyway?

We had it.

Yeah.

Well, and, like, alcohol, like, you would put in, like, you know, Listerine bottles and stuff like that.

I remember my friend was telling me that.

Like, you'd get, like, whiskey scent, like, Listerine bottles and stuff.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

This is pranks, man.

This is a prank call radio show, isn't it?

We've got to do some more pranks.

Let's get back to us.

Play a new song here.

You know what?

I really...

Hey, Hollywood, if I took a...

Because I've got to take a whiz.

If I took a break, would you mind?

Would you stand in line?

Not at all.

You would not at all stand in line.

I would not mind.

You would not mind at all.

All right.

don't go anywhere, I'll keep in line here while I talk us out of here, everybody, I'm

going to take a break real quick, a five minute break, I'm sorry to cut things out, but I

really need to take a, I need to drain the lizard, that's what it sounds like, when that

pee sounds like an elephant peeing, it's like, I don't know what I'm talking about, Andy

used to say, Andy used to say that about me, like, I'm like, Andy, we used to live, you

know, the old co-host here, my old roommate, Andy, you know, we grew up, we kind of went

to high school together and stuff, and he said, yeah, I used to, you know, used to pee

for a long time

and it sounded like

an elephant pee

and I'm like

I don't know why

you're analyzing

my urinations

and stuff man

but dude

more power to you

well that's when

I was first coming

down with diabetes

and it wrecks

your urinary system

oh yeah

I'm in there too

yeah

anyway

if your bliss case

is to play us out

I don't know

what that means

fuck it

we'll do it live

alright

when we come back

Hollywood's gonna be

on the line with us

still

we're gonna do

some more prank calls

I'm gonna try to

fix a video

and I'm gonna

drain the lizard

as I said

we get the

the Saigon Eden

Vietnamese restaurant.

We also have

Trevor V. Woodward

in England.

We still have

the Confederate,

the Sons of the Confederacy

out there to call.

We also have got

Bravo Burgers here,

Blue Coyote Grill,

El Chihuahua,

excuse me,

and Eduardo's Border Grill.

So don't go anywhere, folks.

We're going to do

at least another hour of show,

if not more,

after the break.

And again,

we won't be gone

for no longer

than five minutes.

In the meantime,

you can reach us here

over at

madhouselive.com.

And be sure to stay tuned.

As I said, we'll be right back.

Thank you.

Thank you, Tuck, McMahon, all those ladies.

Thank you very much.

Oh, thank you very much.

No, no, thank you.

Oh.

Good, good.

No, really, I've done a lot better, but in the past I have had a problem with washing hands too much and stuff.

And I do have really dry hands, some excessive use of...

I used to take like three showers a day.

No kidding.

You're one of those.

No, not anymore.

more than one of those bucket of boners i know for the longest time i had a problem you know

and it was especially i think was my paranoia kind of about it on a smoking i would wake up

in the morning i would smoke and i had to go to work so i take a shower to get the small off of

me all right i get home and i live like five minutes in work so i get home and i on my lunch

break i would smoke again i would take another shower uh then i would get home for the night

i would have to take another shower so at least three showers sometimes up to four showers a day

It was really bad.

I had a problem, and I actually started going to therapy for OCD.

Yeah, I was clean.

I smelled good, Tuck, but that's not good to take too many showers.

Luckily, at that point, that was when I lived in my apartment.

Oh, man, I miss my apartment.

Athena went to sleep, but I'll tell you what.

I miss having my own apartment sometimes, man.

I miss being a man, you know what I mean, when you have your own bachelor pad.

Yeah.

You know, doesn't it feel good to have that feeling where, you know, you come home, and you're the only one.

You know, you're in charge of this, in charge of that.

Roam like a dog.

I think that's important for all men to have that in their life.

I had it for a year and a half, and that's good.

I agree, man.

I'm 36, though, and I used to live with my mom.

You used to live with your mom?

Every guy out there should at least spend a year where they live on their own,

either on the road or in their own home.

I got to live it.

I'm happy now.

I'm with the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with in theory.

How would you describe that?

In theory of evolution.

Yeah, quite literally.

And I will tell you this, this is important marriage advice, all right?

Okay, tell me, because I need to...

Never go to bed angry.

Oh, I hear that all the time.

Yeah, stay up, stay up so you can cause your revenge, man.

I did go to sleep angry the other day, and I woke up and I forgot why I went to sleep angry,

and she was still angry at me.

That was over on Saturday, I think.

I was like, I'm going to go to sleep angry.

I don't care what they say.

I remember thinking that specifically.

I'm like, ooh, they always say don't go to sleep angry.

And I said, you know what, I'm going to do it on purpose.

And I woke up, I was like, hey, baby, what's up?

and what do you want to do for breakfast?

And she's like, hey, talking to you.

I'm like, what was that?

And I was like, oh, yeah.

She's like, you forgot.

I was like, oh, yeah.

That's so yesterday.

I was like, that's so July 19th.

I don't even care.

I don't even remember.

It's July 20th.

Come on, let's get over it.

Anyway, so yeah, that's me and my life.

But getting married, sure enough.

Who else out there?

We've got a lot of married listeners to this show.

We've got an older crowd here than some of the other prank call shows out there in the past

asset that have been through. We got a lot of young people, too. I mean, peanuts. I'm addicted

to these Planners Heat Peanuts. I don't know if y'all ever had them. I'm going to show it to the

video, but the video isn't working, right? You probably can't see it. But these Planners Heat

Peanuts, oh, man, it's good stuff. Planners is celebrating 100 years of fresh taste. Everyone,

be sure to go to planners.com. Check out your, get your peanuts. Sponsor of the second hour of

Mad Hatter. Uh-huh, sponsor. All right. A bunch of one-liners pulled up here, too. I think we're

I'm going to try some one-liners.

One-liners, okay.

All right, so let's get a game plan here.

We got a Mexican place called El Chihuahua.

We got the Blue Coyote Grill, Bravo Burgers,

and we also have two numbers in England, also, that we can hit up.

I haven't done it in a long time.

You still got those numbers for the hotels.

I had the last team in college.

It was that 98-year-old woman.

The hotel.

Yeah, that was a good one, too.

That's right.

Milkman, do you have that number in the pin?

Brown still for the international calls, my friend?

i think he's working on it here's a goo and here i am what are your other two wishes

yeah we can hear you uh milkman yeah we hear you milkman not this again this happened two

weeks ago with you we hear you yes we hear you he was two weeks ago he was on uh mute wasn't he

he's not on mute at all we could hear him and he's like you can't hear me can you hear me

like yes we hear you oh yeah yeah yeah it was a funny time all right well while milkman works

on that now let's go ahead and do this let's call the saigon eden vietnamese restaurant we got those

members over here at the hotel for the races as well man okay send the toe free and pen for the

international call if you can milkman please okay and i'm gonna call the vietnamese in the

meantime then we'll call the hotel okay all right man with no arms has a gun is he armed

Where does he put the gun?

In his mouth?

Let's see.

I just joked, man.

Whoa!

Got the Boy's Life book over there, the Boy's Life magazine.

Oh, man, I wasn't, I wasn't, I mean, you ever read Boy's Life?

Anybody out there a Boy Scout?

I remember Boy's Life, man.

Yeah.

Many, many years ago.

I'm fucking kidding.

About Jamboree.

Those were some, were they good?

Those were some good jokes in the Boy's Life, man.

I used to have fun reading Boy's Life, man.

That was the Boy Scout magazine.

Oh, man.

Zara says he was a Boy Scout, played Dungeons and Dragons.

Dude, we never got to play Dungeons and Dragons and Boy Scouts.

We had to do boring shit, like helping out the community and cleaning out the road and stuff like that.

You know when a Boy Scout or a Cub Scout becomes a Boy Scout, don't you?

How's that?

When he eats his first brownie.

Hey, there you go.

All right, cool.

That's a lot of fun.

Everybody, I'll leave it on that.

Be sure to tip your waitress.

Yeah, you can turn the land into a meal.

joke. All right, here comes the Saigon eating Vietnamese restaurant folks. Yeah, hey, I

have Bonzeo, right, is that how you say it? Bonzeo? Koi? Yes, listen, I want you to listen

and I want to talk. He went home. No, listen. No, he did not go home. You have Bonbo? Bonbo?

Ken B-A-O, you know the steamed bun dumplings you guys have there? No, excuse me. I would

love to talk to your boss. Okay, hello, is this the boss? Okay, so are you the boss right

right now then okay well can i talk to you about this whole thing thank you okay some bamboo that

you know your steamed dumplings problems right now i've been on the toilet for two and a half

hours two and a half and i want to tell you something right now okay thanks my friend and

i tell you what you're gonna learn a lot tonight all right now here's what's gonna happen your boss

to call me right now the lawyer is on the other line and there this right here i tell you what

But we will have, if you do not have group, listen to me.

Okay.

You do not have group, you do not have group.

So.

Okay.

Could you give me the phone number so I can give this to Koi?

Very good.

Toilet.

Send emergency.

Come to my house and get me up off the toilet.

Paralyzed.

Dial with my tongue.

Come to my house.

Kent, you brought the food to my house.

Now I need you to come back to my house and lift me up off the toilet.

Oh.

Help wife too.

Okay.

I, yeah.

You have some kind of, something is going to, like, paralyze me?

I'm paralyzed for life? Is this a joke?

I mean, haha, it's a joke, haha, that's great, but you know what? I can't move.

For good? You're not paralyzing me for good, are you?

This is just temporary, right?

You're supposed to kind of blow fish stuff in this food? What's going on?

Wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Okay, no, I've got, I've got 25 seconds.

Because, uh, because my English is not good enough.

I give this to somebody else.

Listen to me. I have a scratch on my back so bad and I can't move.

Send somebody back over here real quick to scratch my back and get me off the toilet.

Who are you?

I'm at home. You brought my food.

Who?

You'll be good in a second.

D-Mal.

Hello.

D-Mal.

Sucks, lady.

Yeah, do you know the heck is where people go that don't believe in gosh?

Come on.

It's Vietnam.

Hello.

Vietnamese. How many Vietnamese die in the Vietnam War?

Talk to yourself.

Vietnamese die in the Vietnam War?

Answer.

One, two left.

Okay.

You just tell me what you want me to do.

Hey, it opens up a very large thing.

What can you do?

What can I do?

Do for what?

For $5.

Yeah, for me for $5.

Since inflation's up, $10, I love you a long time, okay?

How about a banana show?

A banana show?

I want a banana show.

You guys do that.

We heard.

Okay.

You ever do a banana show for guys who like to watch a woman do a banana show?

No.

I don't want to say what you said.

It's been a while.

I cannot understand what you said, and I cannot talk more about anything about yours.

Do you know how to make the banana disappear?

I have to hang up my phone now because I don't want to say what you said, okay?

Well, you know what I'm talking about.

Please don't say what we're saying.

Make the banana disappear.

She's gone.

Damn it.

She knows what I was talking about.

Banana show.

I could go for banana show right now.

Athena!

I said fuck off, all right?

He's in bed already

He woke her up

Fuck off

The Viet Minh fought the French

Viet Cong fought us

You know, I'm not the

I'm pretty good at history

But I don't know much about

About that

I know

I always wonder what the difference between

I think the Viet Minh were the Viet Cong

Weren't they?

Before they became communists

Or does that make any sense?

I'm not sure

I think at the French

Yeah

And then

And then when they became

When Ho Chi Minh

Decided to become communist

or whatever he termed in the Viet Cong.

Whatever, I don't know.

It's all a big clue.

You know what I don't understand?

For the longest I've tried to understand this war,

was the whole Balkan Wars,

the Yugoslavia Wars,

the Bosnia-Herzegovina,

all those wars.

If you want to talk about that,

we can call Vanya.

The real Vanya?

I don't get it.

I've tried to understand.

He was in the war with that.

All of a sudden Yugoslavia was communist

and then it didn't become communist, and then the Serbs were here,

and then the other Serbs wanted to fight the other Serbs,

and then the Kosovins wanted to fight.

It makes no sense.

It just sounds like they all fucking hated each other,

and the enemies became their friends,

and I don't know what the hell that war was about.

That's a huge clusterfuck.

That just makes me want to change the channel.

Everybody hates each other.

Yeah.

I tried to go on Wikipedia.

I thought maybe Wikipedia would make it easier for me.

I went to Wikipedia, and, man, I was even more confused.

confusing when i first started fuck that anyway if anybody can if anybody can explain to me how

the whole serbian versus bosnian versus whatever it was in the 90s and the early 2000s how that

worked and slobodan milosevic because they just caught that guy yeah they just caught that one

dude who was like the the leader of the of the serbs right like in the early 90s he he looked

like yeah him they caught him he looked like all weird he looked like um i don't know he looked

He looked like Santa Claus or something like that when they caught him.

That guy's crazy.

Never mind.

Let me throw out a news article here real quick.

All right.

I did want to give a promotion here.

Kokanee found an excellent site.

It's called criminalsearches.com.

Criminalsearches.com.

It's actually a free site where you can go.

You can put in anybody's name and the state they live in,

and you can do a free criminal search on them.

So you can type in Hollywood Vanya right now and click on,

what state do you live in?

Ohio?

Yeah.

Texas.

and you can

check that out

right there

and you know

what I did

try to get

Prankmaster

I put in

Adam Erlander

New Jersey

and he doesn't

have a record

I think because

he was a minor

he doesn't have

a public record

so he doesn't

come up

but anybody else

if you want to

do your

if you have a

new girlfriend

new boyfriend

there's my

brother

your brother's

in there

yeah

Hollywood

Vanya's

brother

I don't know what his name is.

Los Angeles, Vanya.

Check that out.

Again, that's criminalsearches.com.

That's the sponsor of the second hour of Madhouse Radio.

That is a website that's currently in its beta version still.

What are you, what are you coming here for, a banana shell?

You can't sleep.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

What?

You're fine?

You're smoking a cigarette?

Cool.

She's fine?

She's all into herself, isn't she?

Yeah, she's all into herself.

Yes, I know I'm fine, sucker.

That was her talking, not me.

and real quick, real quick, and we have a number for this guy also.

Maybe we should have tried, but I did want to say this here.

In Cookville, I have no idea what state this is,

but three men were suspected of stealing from the Goodwill store.

They ran out of gas before they could make it out of the parking lot.

They were trying to steal some furniture.

They were stealing, they loaded up a recliner chair in the back of a truck

and were about to leave the parking lot in South Jefferson Avenue.

Someone saw them call the police, and as they were trying to pull out,

The truck ran out of gas, and there they stayed until the police caught up with them.

So apparently they didn't make it too far.

That's pretty stupid.

If you're going to rob a store, wouldn't you want to maybe pay attention to the gas gauge

and make sure you have at least half a tank?

Yeah.

At the very least, if you have to make a getaway or a police chase, maybe make a sport out of it.

I was pretty retarded at them, so, yeah.

There you go.

Walk it in.

Also, I wanted to mention this here.

A guy named Laszlo Muzier, he was in Bonita Springs.

I think this is in Florida.

Let's see what happened to him here.

He got arrested for stealing 42 cents worth of change out of the fountain at the mall.

Is that really illegal?

Isn't that change that's just sitting there for people to take?

Yeah.

I mean, what's the difference?

Yeah.

If there's 42 cents in the fountain, and let's say there's two quarters sitting on the floor in front of the fountain,

if I pick up those two quarters, I can't get arrested, right?

That's because I found money, right?

Finders keepers.

Yeah.

Just because it's in the water doesn't mean it's, yeah.

This is actually, was it in a mall?

It was in a mall, according to you.

Yeah, I think that's simply in the mall.

If you use your hand and it goes into that, it's probably mall property.

But what if you find it on the ground, in the mall, like on the ground?

It probably got designated, like, it's for a charity or something.

That's me.

I think that would be mine.

I would buy it.

I don't think they'd say anything about that.

It's for a charity.

That's some serious bullshit.

That is bullshit.

It's for a charity.

Bullshit, I'm just saying.

God, he says he shouldn't, here's the quote,

he shouldn't be taking change out of the mall fountain.

It's not found money, it's money that's destined for charity.

Well, come on, that's $0.42, man.

You know, if you're...

I was about to say, yeah, it probably got destined in some sort of charity thing.

They probably had a sign out there or something, right,

that it said this is for Habitat for Humanity or Milkman or something like that.

Yeah, so, yeah, well, I mean, I think that's a little excessive.

It's probably pissed off because they wanted taxes and he didn't pay the taxes.

Just give the guy $0.42, man.

What is the tax on 42 cents?

If it was 42 cents, just tell them, you know, we'll give the 42 cents back.

Put it back in the file.

I mean, they'll be an asshole.

They'll come back, you know.

Give them a trespassing warrant or whatever, and just don't have them come back.

If your provider will give you a second chance, then why can't they do them all?

Exactly.

That's right.

What's that?

Okay.

Yes, sir.

Athena, if you need to just give me a note, and the answer is yes to that.

And then what was I going to...

Fuck it.

Something else I was going to talk about, and I got off track.

Anyway.

Anyway, yeah, so seriously, man, you know, 42 cents is a bit excessive.

Anyway, let's do a prank call here before things get any more off track.

Milkman, do you think that we still have any time on that card?

I'm pretty sure we still have time on that pin, so let's go ahead and do a...

No one else has used it.

No, no one else has used it.

Yeah, so we're good.

Hollywood, are you in front of your computer right now?

I'm going to send you, I just sent you a bunch of UK numbers.

You tell me which one you want to have me call first here.

Trevor Woodward.

Trevor Woodward, is that the, are you reading it or are you confirming it?

Yeah.

Trevor Woodward.

Okay, everybody here, we're going to call the UK.

It's some wake-up calls.

It is right now, 4.56 a.m. over there in the UK,

so bright and early, bright and shiny, bright and bushy-tailed they are.

Yeah, just a moment for that.

Hang on, everybody.

He's online.

Oops, I think that'll work.

Diddy Mao there.

Okay, so the next one will be Daphne Woodward, everybody.

Hang on.

Hello?

Daphne, is this Daphne?

Yes.

Hi, it's Todd across the way.

Is somebody looking in your window?

Who's that?

It's a way, somebody's looking around your house, your flat, your window.

You're hiding, who are you?

It's a way, somebody's looking in your window.

It's a way, where are you living?

It's a way.

Oh, go away.

No, I'll cross the way.

It's a flat, please.

Calls, anonymous phone calls.

I'm going to phone my number.

No, what are the numbers that are calling in, ma'am?

Do we need to send an officer over there?

No one's calling, they're not leaving a number.

They phoned me at 20 past...

Right now, are you awake?

I'm awake, I wouldn't be talking to you.

Are you sure?

Keep going on with all you.

That's funny.

She thought she was talking to the cops.

Can you turn down?

You have like a lot of background noise over there.

Is that a TV going off?

Yeah.

Can you turn it down?

Or is that the kids watching it?

All right, turn that down.

What the hell is it?

I thought I was a man.

I thought it was the old lady watching TV over there.

I was like, wow, she's up early.

God damn.

I can hear what they're saying.

Hey, this is the phone patrol, ma'am.

We're tracing the phone call.

Do you have any idea?

Let me watch Trace's phone calls because I'm sick and tired of getting these phone calls.

Well, lady, we charge you for that, you know, for the Traces, you know.

We charge you on your phone bill.

Oh, go away.

You're stupid.

You must be drunk.

You stupid cunt.

Don't talk to me like that.

Oh, damn it.

All right.

She hung up there.

All right.

Good.

That was fun.

Okay.

I'm getting reports.

You must be drunk.

Actually, I am.

I've had five beers tonight.

I'm on my number six right now.

i'm certainly working on this nice gross beer yeah if you notice on the last week's show that

i didn't even notice until i heard the replay a milkman's like i got a nice cold foster's beer

for you here and i go shove it up your ass milkman and he goes oh yeah it's cold oh

this is so stupid like out of nowhere it was so funny when i heard it like next day

I cracked up when I heard that shit.

Holy shit, bro.

It's on tape, man.

Don't even.

We got it on tape.

Set me up.

Hey, Mono, set me up, damn it.

I did set you up, bastard.

All right, we got a number for us.

A homosexual, alcoholic, midget who loves intersex.

His name is Justin.

Frozen my ass.

Who's that frozen asshole?

Yeah, yeah, frozen asshole.

Well, okay, who else we got out of Hollywood?

Who do you want to call next?

You want to call Clive Woods or Stuart Kirby?

I'm hearing some echo in the back.

Really?

Here, too.

Maybe it's Ted.

I'm going to call Stuart Kirby here.

Stuart Kirby is in East Sussex, England.

I hear it on your end.

I think you have your computer speakers up, man.

No, they're down all the way.

Really?

All the way?

Yep.

Hmm.

Is he wearing a headset with a mic on it?

You got a headset with a mic on it?

You got a headset with a mic?

Oh, no.

It has a phone machine.

We're going to be ending this right here pretty soon.

Oh, he's got it up loud then, man.

The czar confirms no echo.

Hey, where's Lizzy Poo at, man?

Tell her to come out of hiding there.

Lizzy Poo, yeah.

Yeah, Lizzy Poo's doing something over there.

Yeah, but I see Ashley's in the mic.

That's something.

Dino.

Dino's been playing that video, that funky video.

Oh, there's Eric.

Yo.

Eric got arrested, man.

Look at what you hear about.

I don't know if you've heard about Hype It's Eric.

He got arrested for larceny.

Hey, I saw the dad, man.

D.D.'s in there off there, too, man.

The dad's in there?

Is he in there now?

I know he was in there.

D.D.'s in the chat.

That's good.

What's up to dad?

And what's up to everybody else who's listening?

D.D.'s in the Connecticut chat right now.

He's in a different neck.

Yeah, yeah.

We've been having an average show today.

We've been having some fun.

No, it's okay.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Who do we agree on?

We're going to Clive Woods, right?

They're in Hollywood?

Yeah, that's fine.

Okay, all right.

We're going to call back to that place.

Hang on, folks.

Music off, music off.

The lady was sitting there listening to that

that whole time.

You know that?

Yeah, she was.

She was sitting there just listening

in a way that...

Before we end the show.

All right, I just wanted to bring it up to everybody.

She was listening to that whole time.

Get in here.

No dose fills.

I almost overdosed on one of those ones.

I guess getting drunk tonight.

Excuse me.

There's a problem with this computer.

Let's call your cell number back.

Okay, I'll do that now, Milkman.

Good idea.

The virtual memory minimum too low.

Your system is low on virtual memory.

Windows is increasing the size of your virtual memory paging file.

Who has that?

Who has that problem?

The PC that's making the video get all choppy and the audio.

I'm starting to do that.

Reboot it before the show.

Okay, you take and find out what your physical RAM is, dude.

There's a formula for it, man.

You go to your physical RAM.

You find out what it is.

Say, like, it's 1,024.

You multiply it times 1.5.

24 times 3.5.

What would I want to multiply?

Yeah, you can do it now.

Well, do what?

Well, what's this going to do?

How do I fix it?

Huh?

Fix it.

I'm trying to tell you.

You've got to set a maximum and a minimum limit, which is bigger than what Windows says.

I think a milkman's telling me.

Well, I do what now, milkman?

How much memory do you have in it?

I think it's only 512 on this one.

How many does it have?

It has a gig.

It has 1024.

Huh?

1024 on the old PC, the one that handles the video.

All right.

So you're going to go to my computer.

You're going to right-click on it.

Stop it.

Advance.

Advance?

What?

Fuck advance.

I'll see you in advance.

Don't worry about it.

We're going to end the show soon anyway.

We're okay.

We're just going to leave it alone, and hopefully it makes it through the end of the show.

We've got another little bit left, okay?

I didn't reboot that PC before I started the show.

That was my mistake.

Kill whatever applications you've got using memory right now.

Well, the only thing I have...

Whatever you have using memory right now, just kill that application.

Okay, and what's using memory now is the applications that are using the broadcast to show.

I can't do that, my friend.

Whoa, man, I am drunk.

You're out of it.

Relax.

I need to reboot.

You usually reboot before the show.

The PC was on for like five days straight without rebooting.

That's my fault.

I should have rebooted it.

You should reboot, dude.

You've got some DLLs that are holding.

You got some DOLs that are holding that.

Yeah, but I'm going to end the show here in, like, you know, 15 minutes,

and then I'll reboot the PC by the time it comes back, show's over, so whatever.

Okay, all right, hang on.

Let's see Nicky now.

All right, we got some more.

Oh, Nicky.

Hey, Nicky.

Hey, baby.

Look at those eyes right there, huh?

Look at that.

Yeah.

Dark eye shadow.

Maybe he's got punch in both eyes.

I don't know.

Let me blur.

You got punch in both eyes, Nicky?

Yeah, what happened, Nicky?

You let me know who it was, and we'll kick his ass.

We'll call them.

And we'll rape them.

We'll listen to the show the rest of the night.

We'll punch them in the cock for you.

And then we'll do it in front of you and you'll be all impressed.

I'm a big guy.

Hey, call those hotel people, Joe.

Yeah.

Hermano.

She likes it rough.

There you go, Hollywood.

That's the new number.

Get her off Hollywood.

Oh, yeah.

Now she's had a chance.

Let's just focus here.

Come on.

Let's just focus and end the show positively.

I got some more numbers here in the UK.

Let me send them here.

May I get my right arm?

Hey, let's call the rapist back, Hermano.

You can.

Keep going.

Hey, one thing at a time.

All right, Milkman, what did you say?

You said something Hermano.

What did you say?

Quickly.

Call the racist back because we do have their phone number, Hermano.

The racist.

Okay, let's call them back.

All right, Nunu said that to me originally, right?

That's their room number as well.

Oh, yeah, this is room 344.

That's their room number, 364.

Yeah, I think I lost Nunu's, yeah, I lost Nunu's IM.

Nunu, send me that number again for the hotel, man.

Send me a message, Nunu, on AOL.

Please, aim, quickly, good.

Just send me a message, Joggin.

He's posted here publicly

Okay

He's just sending in the room number

That doesn't help

That's not a phone number

Multiple times, too

Yeah, that doesn't make any sense

364

Anyway, hang on, everybody

We'll do another prank call

Just a moment

She's in the Fred Export Hospitality

House, this is Alicia speaking

I may help you

Hi, Alicia

I need room 364, please

364, my pleasure to connect you

Thank you

It's going to be Harold

Harold

Ask our representative about booking

Send Hollywood the details

Zarr says, can I kill the video app to improve the audio, or is it a package deal?

I don't know.

The audio is bad?

Really?

Is it really?

We're having a problem with the audio, too?

That's not good.

Justin.tv.

Justin's been working all night, so, yeah.

Yeah, there's no way to get Justin anywhere.

Let me kill that.

That might...

I'm going to bring that a little bit down, and a minicam also here.

Maybe that'll bring stuff down here as well.

I think I can sacrifice minicam.

It's going to be a little choppy there for a while.

So, many cameras are programmed that lets you do effects like text over video,

and you can put stills up and stuff like that.

I have a bad feeling about this, as it would say in Star Wars.

All right.

I think you need to reboot your computer.

Well, if I'm going to reboot the computer, I'm just going to end the show, my friend.

There we go.

I think it's starting to improve.

I think we're starting to get some improvement here.

All right, folks.

Hang on for that.

Move around a little bit.

Yeah, right.

Okay.

The next call of the night.

Andy, you think you're holding up in the chat room.

Yep.

Hermano.

Milkman.

Milkman, Milkman.

Hermano.

Yes, Milkman.

Hey, I got a message here.

I got a message here.

D.D. wants you to call...

Dad, tell him to wait until the end of the show.

D.D. wants you to call him.

Tell him to give me a second, because he knows how to call the show, too,

but tell him to give me a second here.

Janet, Jake, do you want to...

He's on the line, dude, so he wants you to call him.

All right, we'll call him when we got time here.

Don't worry about it.

You can call the hotline number.

Hello, love.

Free?

Tell him to call the back line.

All right, you see the love, Janet Love or John Love?

Let's call Janet, okay?

Janet, who do we say we're going to call back after a while?

Daphne?

Daphne.

We'll call her at the end.

All right, hang on.

Janet Love, coming up, everybody.

Don't go anywhere.

Yes, Scott.

She was still there.

Okay, we're going to do one more call, and I've got to call the show,

because I've got to go.

I'm tired.

Go!

The computer is up.

It's going.

The computer right there.

So let's wrap it up here.

Is it the fire alarm going off again?

Yep.

It's going to fly on.

It's about to.

No, it's all jumpy and wapazoo.

All right, hang on.

We're going off like a fire alarm again.

Yeah, just about.

Lonesome Loser, hold off on the confirmations.

You've done a great job tonight.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, fire ain't going to hurt.

It's all going to hurt.

No, fire ain't going to hurt.

It's fire ain't going to hurt.

Of course, it may a little bit, but it's not going to be fun.

All right, hang on.

John Love then, right?

John Love.

John Love, everybody.

Hang on for that.

That looks like kick-chunk something on the...

Get up, Dad.

It's like an Asian.

That wasn't nice.

Okay.

Son from America.

Give me your...

It's okay.

Get dressed.

Big hunk.

Think.

It's 5 a.m., right?

Or about 5.30?

I'm into...

You're still home, right?

Kiss.

You're home.

Kiss, Dad.

I'm so...

I don't know our dad.

Don't you?

One that, uh...

I'm sure he's with...

No, I'm not on my table.

Sir.

Come there to make out with...

No, I just wanted to give a kiss and just say hi.

Have you ever made an age?

So excited.

I'm so excited that my boyfriend has found you, his father.

Brother?

You will accept me and your family as your new son-in-law.

Yes.

Yeah.

Do you make AIDS, sir?

Have you ever made the AIDS?

We've got to spell stuff out.

I understand.

I had to spell Tom to you, but AIDS, you know, as he is.

He didn't spell Tom to you.

I don't know.

I was talking to you, Dad.

No.

My boyfriend is high and drunk right now, but that's okay.

You still get high?

a asshole and a condom

yeah

I get it through the airport

lost your old man again

can't find it

dad

so they're just listening

like a pervert

I need to end the show

I've lost

I've lost my marbles

it was fun man

thanks for calling my friend

that was Hollywood everybody

Milkman I'm out of it

we need to go

now

like now

Ryan terminate the show

Milkman

you don't draw the call

remember I sent you

the last number I sent you

Okay, I'll call out right now.

Hang on, everybody.

Who are we calling, young man?

Tell everybody who we're calling.

I'm the dad.

Welcome.

Please answer your...

I'm calling the dad, okay?

We have 50.

Please recall...

I was thinking about the other day, guys.

The best R-rated sex scene you've ever seen.

Say that movie, Wild Things.

Remember that movie, Wild Things, from 97, 98?

What was that movie with Sharon Stone in it?

Sharon Stone.

All I know is her name, her birth, and her first message.

Yeah, it's a bit...

I'll get back to you.

Aloha.

Press 1 or just wait for the tone.

That's not a dad.

What the hell?

That is a dad.

He's on the good ship Disney.

Say I'm out for you, Adam.

Whatever.

What did you have me call him for, man?

Where did you get his number from anyway?

Who posted it in the gay chat?

Anyway, so what are the opinions real quick before we end the show?

What are your favorite?

What are you doing in the gay chat?

I don't know.

What are good R-rated sex scenes?

I offered the Wild Things movie.

I don't know what else.

I mean, there's not many of them.

You know what I'm trying to say?

The movies that had an R-rated but had a sex scene in them.

I'm trying to think here.

I don't have to say that.

That's a good one.

I don't know.

I think that's fine.

What's going on now?

Hello.

Broke Batman.

That's a good one.

Good.

I thought I'd cut it in.

I've never seen the movie.

I'll take your word for it.

All the word.

I was going to say wild things.

What's your favorite R.A. Sexy?

Oh, that is her name.

Denise Richards.

I just know Denise Richards.

I would get her on a corner, and I would make such a nasty sex, or like nasty sex to her, man.

Wow.

Would you lick her tape?

Lick it all, man.

Asshole, too.

I don't care.

Denise Richards, hell yeah.

So you do ass-to-mouth?

I don't do ass-to-mouth.

Why would I?

No.

So you just said you would do ass-to-mouth.

Ass-to-mouth?

There's a difference.

Ass-to-mouth and analingus are two different things, my friend.

What if you just shit a little bit?

No, no, no. Girls like that, they don't do that before they do that.

No, they know how to handle it. They are clean.

A girl like Denise Richards, you've got to lick the taint.

You've got to lick the asshole.

I mean, they want you to. They're expecting you to.

You know Charlie Sheen? Charlie Sheen was all up in that.

Who is this? That Cyan Pranks guy?

Who is this? Report.

Yeah.

You got it right.

Good, good. Right in the show.

But thank you for tuning in with Theory with the Homosexual People and the whole thing.

My ass off. I've been friend.

you know that that just probably that was just fun it's just black that's when he probably was

like oh god i don't want anything to do with me on other men i guess it's true all right

otherwise i keep going for a while but i really gotta go my friend okay bye

all right then and who says we're not gay friendly in this show you see we have people

we have gay we have gays on this show that's okay you can be a gay that's right you can be

again talk to us.

I will.

That's all right.

So any more submissions?

Anybody care?

I'm going to be happy,

all right?

Well, you know,

another good one is,

you know the movie

Silence of the Lambs

where the guy is in the

jail cell

and the woman walks by?

You know what I'm

talking about?

Where there's a pretty lady?

That's a good sex scene

right there, too.

That's one of my

favorite ones.

Yeah.

All right.

Did you ever see

Conan the Barbarian?

Was it a sex movie?

I don't think

I've ever seen Conan.

No.

I was watching it

and Arnold is walking down the stairwell in the city.

He looks over and there's this dude doing a camel.

Ew, really?

It's hilarious.

I've never seen Conan the Barbarian.

I don't think my mom let me watch that when I was little.

Ah, that sounds good.

I might want to watch that one day.

Oh, shit.

Oh, man, that sounds like some DTT action right there, you know?

All right, Milkman, take us out of here quickly, please.

You've got less than two minutes.

We'll be right back.

Thanks for tuning in.

It was good to see Ted.

Thank you, Ted.

Ted the web.

Ted, you've got to come back.

The web, the web, the web call.

Over there, Dino.

And she'll be in good.

Dr. Zolar G, Mr. Zolar.

Don't forget, tomorrow night, Party Nation.

Check him out, man.

There's always going to be people asking some names later.

No prisoners will escape alive.

That's right.

And Amanita.

So, when you're the man, you're the guy that carries it on, the actual man.

Thank you so much for having this show with us tonight, my brother.

And I, also all our listeners out there, we love you because, you know what?

The Hermanito and I, Chuck, the gang over here, we love you, man.

That's why we do this every week.

It's a labor of love.

So, please tune in next week.

Invite a friend to our live.

Cheers.

Ma.

All right.

Back to you, my Hermanito.

And we guess you've got five minutes.

Yeah.

All right.

I want to thank everybody who listened in to the show tonight.

And I want to thank Wilson Losers.

I want to thank everybody else.

I want to thank all the gentlemen.

Thank you to everybody who came over from mucksticky.com.

Mucksticky.

And myspace.

And mucksticky.

Mucksticky.

Hey, mucksticky's my friend.

Mucksticky is my friend.

Everyone, be sure to go to tuckermike.com.

That's Tuck's website.

Be sure to visit out.

Ted has a new, he's got a new prank call station, I know.

I forgot what it is, so I can't give it out.

I think it's prankopedia.com.

so everyone check that out

and as we said before

everyone visit

seanward.net

that's seanward.net

S-H

sorry

S-E

S-E-A-N

Ward

W-A-R-D

yeah

the good pranks out there

be sure to check those out

every Tuesday

he's going to have those out

and tomorrow

Zola will be on

with the Zola

Vision Show

alright everybody

I'm going to go get laid

goodnight everybody

alright

All right.

Yeah, a five-inch, six-inch, six-inch.

No, no, no.

No, no, listen.

Gay?

Nothing better to do.

What?

Gay.

I don't know.

You have nothing better to do.

Get up your head.

You have nothing better to do.

You know, the person who's accusing me of being gay,

who sounds like he has a penis in his mouth 24-7,

has a lot to say for himself.

Yeah, that's why you're still stuck on this shitty channel.

That's not nice to say, man.

You're hurting my feelings.

Yeah, okay, sure.

Uh, uh, uh, you're...

I need your fucking car in my house.

You're still deaf, okay?

You're still deaf.

You're still not funny.

You're a loser.

You're still a pedophile.

And your mother picks firms and has a mustache.

So what do you have to say about that?

Exactly.

Oh!

I think...

Go ahead and enjoy that pussy, okay?

Boys!

Do-do-do-do-do-do!

Okay?

Stop it and go to bed.

Alright.

You keep doing that because I...

Enjoy...

I'm so talented, but why fuck?

You're a talented...

You're a syndicate.

kids you know that lego i don't know i've got 92 listeners right now listeners do you have again

right now listening to you big blue lab me yeah you right now you have 480 listeners right now

listening to you is this your cell phone number isn't this your cell phone number we call so what

is it is your house number i'm sorry i didn't mean to call your house number man i mean what

Did I wake anybody up?

Wake up, your mom?

Jesus, well, I hope no one ever calls that number again, my friend.

It would really be bad if someone would ever call you an accident.

Give it out, and you'll see what happens.

Are you going to sue me for that, too?

You don't fuck, you fucking pedophile.

What are you going to do?

You only have nothing else to do.

You have started a war, sir.

When I'm through with you, you will not be able to bring your face into anybody on the Internet.

Yeah, that's what you're saying right now,

but sure, I'll take the blame for it, whatever you're saying.

What are you saying?

Goddamn no.

Yeah, because you're the only one that I asked about my name.

What did I do?

I didn't know that you did.

Yeah, so what are you saying?

You panties up in a bunch.

What is the big fucking problem?

I called you to talk to you,

So Seneca is not talented

And you're saying

Nobody in Seneca

Is worth anything

Not talented

Did you chaos?

What is this

A young operator?

Zolarpi on your feet again

Oh so

Zolarpi on your feet again

I don't know

Alright well everybody

You got

There we go

You got the details for him

Let's try to call him back

Can Zolarpi on his feet again?

I don't know

Who's Zolarpi on his feet?

Zolarpi call in

I was going to end the show too

This sucks

Let me try to get him back on

Call in Zolarpi

who's this yeah yeah yeah it's this heart i know what you're talking about that's what

reclude called and imitating him right yeah yeah yeah i think i think i think i found that so what

how do you know prank was it how did you just hear from our show you started hearing that or

how'd that end up happening yeah i've been listening to your guy's show for um say probably

past six months yeah he's pretty pathetic isn't he no i love it man you know i'm saying him

Yeah, Prankmaster's pretty pathetic, that guy.

You know the whole story, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Prankmaster, the famous Prankster Duncan.

Oh, like some pet or some shit?

Yeah, he was a pedophile.

Yeah, I heard that.

Yeah, I'm going to get that to you tomorrow, all right?

I found it.

As a matter of fact, I found that girl before the show today.

I found that file, so I'll send that to you.

I know what you're talking about.

And there's another one where you get this dude that dropped off.

Yeah, that's Charlie Patton.

I looked for it.

It's August 19th or some shit.

I think so, yeah.

Yeah, it's up there.

It's called Charlie's Phone on the top.

It's up on the website.

You should be able to find it on other pranks.

All right, man.

It's a classic.

That was the best call of 2007.

How do you get in the chat room?

If you go to the syndicate site, they got a chat room there for us.

And then you can also go to the Madhouse site.

You click on the chat link.

There's a link that says chat.

And right there, you can go right into the chat room.

You guys only do Thursday?

Yeah, Thursday night's only about, you know, the station's on 24-7.

But Thursday night is the live night

It's Thursday night at 10 Eastern

Yeah, well, yeah

I came here thinking it was the right time

Yeah, yeah, 11 will be too late

That's midnight

We should start wrapping up around that time

Okay

Alright, man, well, next week

And I'll send that to you tomorrow

Sometime tomorrow

By the afternoon, I'll send you a copy of that, alright?

Alright, that's it

Alright, bro, thanks

Tell everybody you know

Alright, man

Later

That's the new listener from the podcast

I believe he started listening on the podcast

And now he's a live listener

Let him know how you feel about what he said about us in Syndicate.

Please, let him know.

Honest.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fucking penis!

Yes!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (16, 47 min of 2 h 8 min)

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