2008-07-31 Show

Who the fuck is this?

Who the fuck, who is this?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Everybody, what's going on?

Good evening, people.

We're back.

Madhouse Radio, ready to give it another go.

Ready to get it done.

It's Carl Leder, your host for the evening.

I'm here with my assembled crew.

We're in an extended Madhouse Radio network tonight,

and we're going to have a good time, aren't we, guys?

Yay!

Okay, great, great enthusiasm.

That's what I'm looking for.

All right.

We've got a lot of people joining in.

The assemblage, all our fans are starting to filter in.

The numbers are starting to go up, and we're ready to do our thing.

It's 10 p.m. Eastern on a Thursday night, so we're always here as usual.

Where'd my cigar go?

Oh, there it is.

Is the thing getting done?

Are we doing the thing that we're doing the thing that's saying?

We're coming to do the thing that we come to do.

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, if you guys want to reach us here tonight,

night there's various special ways you can do so um mainly in the chat room you can get a hold of

me over at syndicate radio.tv our mothership station yeah we hear you milkman and of course

over at our official station of course then other than 98.6 the mouth no that's right milkman of

course there he is himself the four-time domino champion of the caribbean mr milkman what's going

everybody's soul hey it's certainly good to be back it's been a long week my friends haven't

it yeah get down and get crazy i hear the mouse yeah my favorite everybody's soul

your favorite hermanito that's me all right cool man of course we got tuck here also what's going

on i'm tuck truckermike.com in the house you do you do indeed everyone be sure to visit

Where you're at, it's where you have.

Where you are, be sure to visit TuckerMike.com.

And, of course, we've got the man himself, Baz.

That's right, sir.

We're checking out.

Baz running out things here in the satellite center.

I think he's here, right?

One of Baz here.

Damn it.

I got, like, yeah, yeah, we hear you.

I got, I'm trying to light my tobacco pipe here, and I'm down to two matches, so hopefully

I get it right with this one here.

Hang on.

You're a quote-unquote tobacco pipe, huh?

It is tobacco.

Look, this is...

I'm joining you all for...

This is what I'm smoking right here.

Here, Royal Cherry Cavendish Tobacco.

Is that tobacco for tobacco?

For legitimate?

That's good stuff.

Everybody.

Dude, this whole bag.

That's how we got the flavor.

Yeah, this bag is 12 ounces of tobacco.

I bought it for like four bucks at Walgreens, and I bought it like a year ago, and I'm still working on it.

This is how, you can just imagine what good quality stuff this is.

Is it still good?

Yeah.

Except for last year, building cough medicine.

Yeah, I tell you.

Yeah, exactly.

That's the cherry flavor.

The expectorant's all mixed right in there, man.

Who needs Robitussin when you got Blender Old Boy from the tobacco center?

Yeah, man.

Of course, our fifth column member is...

No, nothing like that.

Our fifth column member is here as well, Lonesome Loser, checking in.

Plenty of numbers coming in from the brother man himself.

The brother man from the other land.

Sending in a lot of numbers here.

We got a lot of other people, our long-time listeners and our new fans out there

if you're listening for the first time.

Be sure to pay attention right about here.

You'll see the toll-free line coming up any second now.

That's 1-888-278-8509.

Once again, there it goes right there, right now.

1-888-278-8509.

I thought it was coming.

1-888-278-8509.

Hey, your finger's pointing, but the number's not coming up.

No, I know, right? I'm trying, all right?

Give me a break here.

Keep watching.

It'll come up eventually.

That's all right. It's going to get there.

or just go to

it's all over the place

over at

madhouselive.com

speaking of

madhouselive.com

I did want to

announce that

we've gone ahead

and we've fixed

the request to prank

it's a little easier

to use

the request to prank

form

it was out of

commission for a few

weeks

but it is back

in full effect

so be sure to send

your prank request

there to come

directly here

to the home page

looking forward to that

your lit ship

enjoyment

and I understand

we've got a special

guest here tonight

Milkman

if you can turn

the music down

out for me real quick we want to give a special welcome hold on here we go here we go my friend

i want to give a good fucking welcome to the man himself major chaos is in studio with us tonight

what's going on major chaos yeah all right cool man well that's that's what you got to do that's

what you got to do brother man oh my god yeah i can't sit for myself yeah so i mean i mean the

I need some piss on my feet.

He's been begging me to come on the show and come on the show.

I mean, seriously, dude, Adam, why did you want to?

Is there a reason why you wanted to be on the show?

I want to, dude.

All right, fine, I'll let you know.

This is Milkman's idea, I'm on.

All right, well, here we is.

We have a long time to play the last two minutes of last week's show.

Oh, God, I don't want to even bother with it.

I do want to mention to everybody,

Everybody, however, while we're at it, that I've made some improvements to the PC over here,

the one that handles the video and the streaming and all that.

So hopefully there's an improvement as far as buffering is concerned.

And, of course, the video.

I'm watching the video.

Hopefully it's up to speed.

It looks like it's not choppy tonight.

I see my hand waving on the monitor here, you know.

Looks okay.

So let me know if there's any, everybody out there, let me know if the video starts messing up.

I see you.

And that's right.

G-Wiz is pointing out I got the lucky sailor hat on right there tonight.

tonight so hopefully we're going to war tonight man that's right uh so yeah please visit madhouse

live.com subscribe to the podcast it was just updated this morning uh we already have a prank

request up there um i don't know who sent it in who sent it in bird cat who's bird cat they're

in tennessee do you know anybody in tennessee named bird cat there tuck was that you or your

sister or something like that who's bird cat never heard of the place all right well uh the premise

is tell us some more about...

Uh, uh, uh, hang on, hang on.

Where'd it go?

Oh, she hates sex, people, love, and babies.

She hates sex, people, love, and babies.

Also, she is sexy.

Well, how does someone who's sexy hate sex?

I mean, that's just wrong.

What, is she some kind of hot, hot, uh, nun?

Or something like that?

I don't know.

Did you ever...

Hey, man, you're hot!

Come on!

Hey, Milkman, you remember that movie Sister Act?

Yeah, numbers, girls!

Remember the Sister Act movie, the first one?

Remember that?

Sister Act with Whoopi Goldberg.

You remember that first movie, Sister Act?

The first one, part one.

You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Classic.

I was like maybe 10, 11 years old.

You know, maybe I was like 12 or 13 when that first came out.

I think it was like 11 or 12.

There was one, there was the one young-looking nun who was kind of skinny,

and she was kind of pretty.

And I admit, I did whoop off to her quite a few times.

She was actually, I'd hit that.

Not the other ones, though.

Not Whoopi.

Hell no.

Whoopi's got some black lips.

But that one, yeah.

She's got some nasty dreads going on, too, man.

Nasty dreads.

Cool lady, but I would not want to have coitus with her at all.

Yeah, we've got a lot of news articles to talk about and all that stuff tonight.

Two bags for you and one for her.

Two for you in case she gets through the first one.

Yeah, Carlito.

Yo.

I'm from the dimension of Japan for a beautiful Yakusuka, Japan today.

Wait a minute.

I'm fine on the satellite.

You're in Japan right now?

I'm in Yakusuka, Japan right now in my brother-in-law's apartment.

Oh, that's cool.

Where's Yokosuka at?

What part of Japan is that?

It's on Tokyo Bay.

It's about an hour southwest of Tokyo.

It's a naval base.

He's in the Navy, so there's a big Navy base there.

So we're visiting him for a couple of weeks.

Okay, cool, man.

Cool.

We have a station here in Yokosuka.

That kicks ass.

Guys, I'm down to my last match here.

Hopefully it's...

You guys talk, because I've got to actually get this right here.

I'm under the fan is what the problem is, because it gets sweaty in here because of the heat.

So, Milkman, give the people at Toll Free Line and say something here, if you could.

No mind.

Yeah, man, exactly.

Well, Ermanito here, he's going to go swipe Athena's lighter and fire this bad boy up.

And all of you that are interested in calling in tonight and taking part in our fan show,

888-288-509.

That's right.

You give us a time, and we'll drop you down for you, man.

That's what I'm talking about.

Hey, all you listeners out there, yo, caja fine.

welcome welcome to the world of the mod house yeah i got it look we got liftoff

we love you we love you turn the revolution all right that's right all right cool uh let's

i wanted to mention here also look check this out uh yeah this week early this week

you know i got my ipod broke over here it's uh i got that 30 gig ipod i bought it like two years

years ago and it broke on me about a year ago and i went to the apple store with it there's only one

apple store here in orlando i went there and they quoted me about a hundred dollars to repair it i

was like dude that's like half the price of a new ipod forget that and then i consulted another

company here and that repairs them basically what happened was the headphone jack was messed up i

could only hear it at one side the other company a cell phone repair company offered to repair for

like 85 bucks i was like nah forget it and then i went on ebay and i found the part that i needed

did i opened up the ipod by myself i got a little screwdriver and i repaired it by myself and it's

working perfectly total cost was five dollars and i actually got to do myself so i'm not a very good

as far as electronics and stuff like that go i'm not really good at it but i i successfully

performed surgery in my ipod i'm quite proud of myself actually so i'm finally back in the world

of having an ipod electronic technician i saved myself like a hundred bucks right there yeah so

you want to get your ipod if you want to get your ipod fixed in the madhouse send it in for

So $50 won't fix it.

That's right.

The bargain price is $50.

That's right.

I also wanted to mention we do have a contest,

and we're going to be giving out a free Madhouse CD.

If you want to get a copy of that,

basically it's really easy.

The first person to go into the Madhouse forums,

there's a brand-new thread in there under the general chatter forum

where we're listing our favorite movies.

Just list off your top five favorite movies.

The first person who goes in there after now and lists their five favorite top movies along with a picture for each one will get a free copy of the Madhouse Radio CD autographed by me.

We're trying to get some more traffic in here.

And if not, just go in there anyway, man.

It's a good CD.

You can download it for free over at the Madhouse website, madhouselive.com.

So do that, okay?

It looks nice, too, man.

I finally got a hold of one here, and it really looks nice, man.

And it's autographed, big silver letters, Carlito de Armanito.

Yeah, yeah.

It's very nice.

Very nice to be back.

You and Tuck got both of yours.

Yeah, I'm glad you guys are enjoying it.

Appreciate it.

Yeah.

Yeah, Tuck, poor Tuck.

He's the guy that designed the thing, and I still haven't sent his out yet.

Let alone Milkman's.

I still got to send Lonesome Losers that I promised him, too.

I'm behind on things.

I got to get those out.

Yeah.

Fuck, that doesn't look good.

The free ones, I delay them.

But if you buy it, hey, I send it right out, man.

I tell you what.

I'm not going to have, I'm not going to be a blackout.

Yeah, I got mine right on.

You got yours?

Did you get yours, Baz?

Everything okay with that?

Yeah.

Yeah, good, good.

And it works okay, you said, too, right?

Cool.

Oh, yeah.

There you go.

I'm no Indian giver, I'll tell you what.

Nunu says, first, it's kind of humid, hot in the UK tonight, and no one has air conditioning,

so people should be more easy to piss off.

Dude, I hate it when the air conditioning is broken.

I get so angry.

agree i'm hoping that god we don't get a hurricane anytime soon because i'm gonna be i'm gonna be

angry some of my bitch if that ever happens okay anyway uh we're gonna get some some news article

later uh news articles later let's go ahead and do a prank call right off the bat because we've

been bullshitting here for about 23 minutes geez that's about uh one two that's about wow i'm like

a third of show so far just about yeah basically um i've got some numbers here buffy's tanning

salon we got the monty bar uh cindy and danny's cafe that sounds interesting mr pineapple

pineapple hey dimple records hard luck tavern yeah mr pete with this dude named pineapple man

over at a conical thing dude yeah they call him pineapple they have a lot of pimples or something

yeah man no his hair was sticking straight up man like he spikes like a pineapple look i got

pineapple on top of his head was he hawaiian or something dude i think he was like or something

dude he was huge yeah we should try to call you know what don't bend he's not like six pound about

50 pounds, the guy was a monster.

And it wasn't so much his fat, it was just

he was a monster. Hey, Milkman, look for

your international phone card.

Maybe we can call Japan in honor of Baz being over

there in the Japanese

Empire, homeland islands of

the Empire. Maybe we can do that.

Fire it up. Yeah, we'll do some

Vagina Jones calls. It's always

fun. Yeah, get us some numbers,

man. We'll get Vagina Jones on the line

and get some calls, you know. I sent you his pre-confirmed

numbers in the chat room. Sweet.

You did? Let me see here.

Oh, look at that.

7-Eleven and Hiroshima.

Ha-ha.

Yeah, that showed them a good lesson there, didn't we?

Basil, are you Japanese?

Do they have Japanese in you, too, or something?

I know Milkman's, like, half Japanese.

No.

All right, good.

Take that, Japan.

Hey, man.

I'm black, brother.

I can see it now, man.

Motherfucker.

Oh, you're black.

Hey, guys, let's relax.

Let's go ahead and do the first prank call tonight.

We're going to call Mr. Burger.

Mr. Burger's in New Mexico.

Motherfucker man shit.

Shit man, motherfucker man shit.

That's right.

Yeah, me.

Don't have any Big Daddy Kane.

I wonder if I have any Big Daddy Kane music.

Here we go, Warm It Up Kane.

That's an old song.

I'm in the mood to hear some Big Daddy Kane.

Hey, you know who I haven't heard from in a long time, man?

I'd like to hear Eddie Garcia.

Yeah, maybe we'll do that, Milkman, maybe.

He hasn't been around for a long time.

All right, here we go.

The first prank of the night.

Mr. Burger coming right up, everybody.

Madhouse Radio.

Mars God talking about Shigeto and Moto-san.

Creator of Super Mario.

Also the creator of Zelda.

Zelda, also the creator of, um,

Who's the Chick in the Suit on Planet Zeb?

The Fights of Metroid, what's her name?

Sam and Sauron?

Yep.

I think he had a hand in the Donkey Kong series, also.

Mr. Burger, how may I help you?

Mr. Burger, how are you?

Hey, nothing like a good start to the show, ain't it, guys?

The Nintendo creator guy

gets paid

basic rate

as if no one else can walk in there.

He gets no royalties.

No, exactly.

As an announcement today, Levy gave permission to stream his show on the syndicate, Levyland.

Mr. Berger?

Hi, I'm sorry, did I come off a little strong when I called in earlier, a second ago?

Uh, I don't know, I didn't answer the phone.

Oh, who answered the phone? Because she said, like, a curse, like, under her mouth, and she hung up the phone on me.

I have no idea.

You don't know who answers the phone there sometimes?

Um, the people in the front answered the phone. You answered the last phone call?

Well, I just wanted to apologize for what she said, if she said anything.

Well, I couldn't kind of tell, but it was kind of like that, you know, and then she

hung up the phone real quick, because I was kind of excited that someone picked up, you

know, I've been calling around and making an order, and no one picks up, and she finally

picked up, and I was like, hey, Mr. Berger, and she hung up the phone on me, and I don't

know.

Oh, I'm sorry, I honestly couldn't tell you, but I can tell you that we are close.

I need something to eat, you know, my sugar's kind of low, and have you heard of the Good

Samaritan laws?

Um, no, I don't know what we're supposed to do, but we're closed.

Well, you're supposed to, you know, every restaurant and eating establishment in the state has been New Mexico by law.

If I call in under Good Samaritan law, if I'm under medical duress, you're supposed to serve me regardless.

Or you could be, like, accountable if I went into, like, a coma, like a diabetic coma or something like that.

Okay, hold on just a second.

Okay.

With your hand.

Hello, sir.

Asterisk.

It was kind of getting there.

It was going to be, we're about to bust our nut, ma'am.

Damn it.

Yeah.

Yeah, we got to slay some Jack shit there, man, because we never answered the phone the first time.

Put the car shot on it.

It's all right.

We'll call back.

Have Jack Laskin call back.

Yeah, so Jeff Levy, the vomit guy, is going to have a show on Syndicate, everybody.

All right.

Hopefully, he'll be puking live on the air.

That'd be cool.

We'll go for that.

Yeah, dude, what a...

I don't know...

Yeah, they're all one company now, man.

They're a monopoly now.

Yeah, Tug, did you happen to hear Stern today?

Did you hear Hogan, man?

He was an awesome interviewer.

I don't know if you caught it, but I...

Yes.

Dude.

Dude, that Linda Hogan, if what he's saying is true, that Linda Hogan, his wife, soon-to-be ex-wife, is a bitch, man.

That is some fucked up shit.

Yeah, I never really liked her anyway.

Came off as sort of like a cunty.

Yeah, she does.

And apparently she's done some bad shit to her daughter and her son, too, and all that.

I mean, I'm a Hulk Hogan fan.

I grew up in the 80s.

I'm a big fan.

I'm the Hulkamaniac.

I ate the vitamins.

I said my prayers.

What else were we supposed to do?

Any other Hulkamaniacs out there?

Tell me real quick.

Carry the lunchbox.

Do a good turn every day for your country.

What was it?

No, it was like, say your prayers.

Do your prayers.

Cut your muscles and beat up your teacher.

Do your exercises.

Do your exercises, yeah.

Do your exercises.

And you're supposed to drink your juice.

Who's that at?

Yeah, all that stuff.

I did all that, man.

And I saw that movie where...

Talk to your teacher every day.

Remember that movie where Hulk Hogan was from space?

so I saw that movie

because he told me to

and he was in

some other movie too

remember that movie

where he fought

that big ass guy

Debo

the guy who played

Debo later on

on Friday

Mr. Nanny

oh yeah

steroids on the range

Mr. Nanny

remember that

what's the movie

where he fought

that big ass guy

Tony Little

or whatever

you know who I'm

talking about

that big Debo guy

or whatever

what the hell

was he called

Zeus

he called himself

Zeus

for a while

and then it

translated from the movie

he ended up in the

WWF

at some point

They fought each other for a while, that big guy.

That movie sucked, too.

I just remember there was a part where they offered Hulk Hogan...

Oh, that was a good one, man.

No, whatever it was, man.

Disgusting pot-potted meat steroids.

Yeah.

There's a hard one.

Yeah, that little, that Zeus guy, man, he's scary.

I'd be scared of him.

And he'll steal your chain and your bike, man.

Watch out.

Don't fuck with Deebo.

You'll get Deeboed.

No more of that.

All right, let's call Mr. Burger back.

I'll call back Mr. Burger, however you want to put it.

This is Madhouse Radio.

See if Jack Masterson can get a chili burger out of it.

We'll see, Milkman, we'll see.

Lines are open if you want to call in after this prank call, you can.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Do so.

Mr. and Mrs. Burger are not going to play any longer with us,

and that's okay, they don't have to.

That's okay, we'll move on to the next prank call victim of the night.

Hey, I'm going to go get vegetarian just for that.

Yeah, me too, man. I'm going to swore off a meat for the next ten minutes.

For the next 10 minutes I will have no more meat

MSC3 clay chicken and tiny lister

Not Tony Little

Who's Tony Little where did I get that from

Milkman Wikipedia Tony Little right now

I know there's a Tony Little

None of that no beating the meat

Who's Tony is there really a Tony Little

I got a Wikipedia machine right here

Let's see

I know there has to be a Tony Little

Tony Little

Is that like a boxer or something

Is he really let's see

Tony Little

hang on let's find out

maybe I'm wrong

maybe I'm right here

let's see

Tony Little is an

American TV fitness

personality and businessman

best known for his

fitness infomercial

products

that's that guy

oh yeah

he's got that stupid

mullet

he's got that mullet

the high strung

yeah

the high strung guy

really

like split thing

on that little machine

that does split

infomercial

oh that guy

with the goofy face

yeah I know who that is

he's got a mullet

oh okay

he's got the mullet

okay

he looks real homo

Okay, I know what you're talking about.

All right, all right.

I know it wasn't crazy.

All right, cool.

Awesome.

Gold star for me.

Woo-hoo.

You guys are too slow, guys.

Too slow.

Sorry, guys.

Yikes.

Okay, tons of work.

I have dollar.

Sue me.

I know, right?

You're still working on the search.

The hourglass is going, Carlito.

All right.

We also got Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers.

That's what they're loading up.

Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers.

Joe Bob's Chicken Joints.

M&M Fish and Chicken Shack.

Oh, Buffalo Wild Wings.

That's some good wings right there.

You know, actually,

Buffalo Wild Wings,

recently Andy Dick got arrested

outside of one for grabbing

a 16-year-old's boobs or something.

The fuck with that guy, man?

I don't understand.

I'm a big fan of news radio.

One of my favorite TV shows

of all time is news radio.

You know, the great ensemble cast

on that show,

the late, great Phil Hartman,

rest in peace.

Andy Dick, he's all over the place.

I love that show.

It's literally pretty good TV in every other way.

If you've never watched news radio out there, get yourself the DVDs.

I don't think they're on syndication anymore.

They were for a while on Andy, but great.

I mean, it's aged.

I think it was on from like 1995 until 1998.

But it's classic material.

Yeah, Joe Rogan was in it.

Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall.

Who else was in that?

Steven Root, the guy, Milton from Office Space.

and he's been in a few other movies since then.

Recently, funny guy, Andy Dick Rory said,

who else is in there?

Candy Alexander's in that.

And that one girl from ER is in that, too.

Anyway, great.

And also, Phil Hartman got replaced by that other guy from...

Phil Hartman.

Yeah, he got replaced by that other guy from Saturday Night Live.

What's his name?

Why?

Look at camera number four in Syndicate.

Phil Hartman.

Look at camera number four in Syndicate.

Yeah, look at that.

Tony Little.

Is that him?

Yeah, it is the guy.

I like to kick his ass.

I bet you I could kick his ass.

That's the dude right there I was telling you about.

Yeah, I hate that guy.

He looks...

That cocky motherfucker.

He looks so gay.

I'd kick his ass right now if he was here.

Right now, I'd kick his ass.

You get me...

Get me Tony Little on the phone.

I'll tell him.

Someone get me Tony Little's phone number.

Let's get...

He's about five feet tall.

Yeah, exactly.

See, I'll kick that...

That's the number for the number kit, man.

That's the fucker.

Listen, loser.

Get on it.

Yeah, get on that.

Give me...

I want Tony Little's number.

I'm telling you what.

All right.

Anyway, let's get to this requested prank.

I don't know if this is going to work, but we've got a number here,

requested prank for an Alta, A-L-T-A.

That's the real of the name, I don't know, but we're going to try it.

Hang on, everybody, just a moment.

Next prank call of the night coming right up.

Lonesome Losers, correct.

John Lovitz, that is correct, John Lovitz.

Good work, Lonesome Loser, the other guy from NewsRadio.

Funny guy, too.

Old star for Lonesome Loser.

We're tied, one apiece for the night.

That ain't going to work.

No one there.

All right, well, we tried your request to prank,

and unfortunately, they did not answer Mr. Birdcat or Mrs. Birdcat.

But if you want to send in your prank request,

you can do so over at madhouselive.com.

Apparently, Tonya Little lives in St. Pete.

Well, hell yeah.

See, we're getting even closer to me kicking that guy's ass.

Mean hookers are going to kick that fucker's ass.

You did the Orange Grove commercial with him and Nike's girlfriend.

Oh, man, those are some funny pranks, aren't they?

Who was that again?

What calls were those?

Neighborly lust?

Yeah, there we go.

I don't know what they're called, but right after we did this Bill Mays call,

and the bank roommate got on the phone and wanted to kick your ass.

Neighborly lust.

A couple of weeks later and told you it was somebody else.

Yeah.

It was hitting up on you, remember?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what you're talking about.

Neighborly love.

Those are the calls here.

Let me see if I got those here somewhere.

And then we called her back a few weeks later.

This is classic for all you guys out there.

Classic.

This is a bad version of it.

This is a crappy sounding version.

Let me see if I can find a nice...

There you go.

Hi, I'm...

I'm sorry.

Where's Norman at?

Who's this?

Tim Searcy.

I was looking for Norman.

Please.

Searcy?

Yes.

No, Norman stepped out, man.

Where's he at?

He's pretty late.

Sorry, who are you?

My name is Tim Searcy, I said.

Who are you?

Who are you at?

Are you the maid?

You know what?

You can go fuck yourself, Colin.

Hey, bitch, don't talk to me like that, woman.

Rude bitch.

Whoa.

You

need to stop calling the police.

You don't talk to me like that, bitch.

I don't even know who the fuck you are.

You're a whole mouth.

Why don't you write it down?

Who the fuck are you?

Put your man on the phone.

I said.

Fuck you.

I'll have the cop take you.

Just leave me the fuck alone.

I'm not scared.

I want to talk to your man.

I don't care if you're not scared.

Just wait.

Get the fuck off my phone line.

It's man business.

Fuck you, asshole.

Okay, that's it.

Noah, what's going on with your old lady, man?

She hung up on me twice.

I've been trying to call you.

I'm sorry about that.

Who is this?

This is Billy.

You know, she said the F word to me.

This is who?

Your neighbor, Billy.

Billy.

Yes, yes.

Yes, something came up on the ID.

Mongolia Barbecue.

Is this Mongolia Barbecue?

That's awesome.

Look, I want to just let you guys know as a member of the physical therapy department here at HealthSouth

that I think it's beautiful that you folks are, like, you know,

employing members of the community who are disabled

and perhaps not as mentally advanced as the rest of us.

And, you know, I think that something that all mongoloids are good at doing is barbecuing.

Do they make the sauce also there with, you know, is it their own recipe or how exactly does it work?

Um, the sauces, they, you know, we just, um, gosh, I'm trying to explain it.

They're, uh, they come in their own, like, thick sauces, and then we just add water to them.

Okay, because I heard the rumor was that, like, you had some mongoloid kid back there,

and he, like, he gets a big cup of the sauce, and he mixes water, and he mixes it with, like, his foot?

No.

Well, I mean, I mean, it's better that you guys haven't been doing that,

because, you know, I went to Walmart the other day,

and the only mongoloid people working there were at the front, you know, giving out the cards and stuff.

Right.

And it's good that you have mongoloids there barbecuing.

I mean, is it dangerous for them to be around the fire pit?

It's a walk.

It's a walk?

Yeah.

But it gets really hot, though.

I mean, how hot does it get?

I have no idea.

I couldn't tell you anything about it.

Have you had any problem with mongoloid kids maybe getting their eyebrows burnt off or anything like that?

No.

Nothing like that at all?

No.

Can you put one of the mongoloid kids on the line now?

No, I'm sorry.

We're busy.

Well, this is the mongoloid barbecue, right?

Right.

Well, I mean, honestly, because, you know, usually these people like this, you know,

I mean, the Nazis would have gassed them, and you're hung up already.

All right, well, let me call back again and speak to the Mongrelwood Barbecue.

Help out, maybe help out with the whole cleaning out of the garage and stuff like that.

We're doing it for charity, you understand?

And, you know, I don't know if you have some items over there you maybe wanted to sell or something,

but, you know, Roxy, your wife there, she's got a mouth on her.

No, that's not my wife. It's my roommate, but...

Your roommate? Well, she's got a filthy mouth.

Filthy, filthy, disgusting mouth on her.

You said some nasty words to her.

Well, she said it first.

She said it to me first, sir.

What, are you calling me a liar now?

Let me speak to her, please.

Was she over there yelling up a storm again?

Well, she's just, she's upset because, you know, the C word was...

You know what, she called me the S word.

Wow.

She was thinking that it's a bit late at night, and, you know, you had mentioned you were

calling me for business or something, and...

I said it's a charity thing, and she's obviously against children with AIDS, apparently.

She's probably racist is what it is.

And she doesn't know how to speak to men on the phone.

I'm sorry you had this experience with her, but, um, she was under the impression that, uh, that, uh, you know, you were being nasty to her.

Does she clean the house at all? Does she pull her right over there?

I forgot to hit the button there.

What's that any business of yours?

Because she's...

We'll go.

Let's go.

Looks like a gazelle.

Guys, let's send a kid in watching on the video feed. Let me know if the video's...

Mongolian barbecue?

Hey, I just got, uh, disconnected there. Do you know who that young lady was that was talking to me earlier?

No, I don't. I was...

Oh, are you one of the Mongoloid kids?

One of the cook...

I think it's very good that instead of you working at Walmart or something like that,

you get a chance to work with the WOCs.

That's very good.

Yeah, it's pretty fun.

Yeah.

Are there a lot of Mongoloid kids that work there?

There's about, right now, five cooks and a few waitresses and a few dishwashers.

And they're all Mongoloids?

No, we're not actually any Mongolians.

We're all North Idahoans.

Well, no, we're not Mongolian, but a Mongoloid.

I understand it's a place that employs people within a mental disability.

Mongoloids, as we like to call them here in the South.

Wow, that's a beautiful thing.

Yeah, do you make the sauces yourself, sir?

Um, we prepare them here, yes.

Really?

And you get to dress yourself in the morning and everything?

Say what?

Do you get to dress yourself in the morning?

Uh, yes.

Can I help you with something, sir?

I envision in your morning you get up from your mongoloid house

where all the mongoloids live together,

and they give you your medicine,

and then you get in the short bus,

and then maybe they take you to the...

Sir, I'm sorry.

You're going to have to not call here again.

What are you going to do to stop me?

Well, you know what?

I think that's a challenge, Milkman.

I think I should maybe show him that I can call again.

Let's call again.

What do you think this is?

This is a prank call radio show, fucker.

I call all I want.

This is a woman who doesn't clean the house and doesn't keep up with things.

And I'm liable to go down there and hit her in the head with a Bible.

You're my neighbor?

Where do you live?

Not that.

Okay, well, kindly don't call me again.

Hey, asshole.

Look, first, I'm the president of the...

You're going to talk about coming over and hitting her head in the Bible?

With the Bible.

I'm going to come over there and hit you on the head with my fucking fist.

Let's see you try homosexual.

I'm the president of the Homeowners Association.

You know what that means?

Homosexual?

Yeah, that's right.

I'm a fucking homosexual?

You sound like one.

Buddy, why don't you meet me in the fucking parking lot right now?

Let's do it, motherfucker.

Come on.

Come on, let's go.

You got a woman living in your house who's not even your wife.

Want me to go in and barbecue?

You challenged me that I'm not going to call back.

Looks like I did.

Officer Harrison, will you please trace this call?

Thank you.

Officer Harrison.

My pleasure.

Get on the ATV security.

If you're not banging her, you must be gay.

Play the AT&T security thing now.

As she just said, I don't need to fucking explain myself to you,

but the fact of the matter is, she's my roommate.

She lives here with me and totally pulls her fucking weight,

but that's none of your fucking business anyway.

Does she suck the pipe?

You know, you motherfucker, meet me in a fucking parking lot.

I'll be right there.

Let's go, buddy.

All right, faggot.

Phone number entered.

I guess that ain't going to work.

I ain't going to answer.

Well, fucker.

the gulf what do you say there's a call right now that's why yeah that's where it is i'm being

traced by at&t security that's right oh it's now being traced by at&t

screwed we are here dude honestly i found an internet i found a shoutcast stream i found

a shoutcast stream that plays like the orlando um police scanner and i actually added it to my

phone i get internet radio my phone i've got the data plan on my uh on my uh phone you know what

what i mean so i could get like internet radio i can listen to my station i can listen to you know

like all the different internet radio stations i listen like so my i get in my cell phone right

so i added it you know and then sometimes like if i see an accident or something i'll i'll turn it on

and i'll tune it in and i can actually hear what's going on and stuff you'd be surprised you know

how often i actually hear you know for it seems like in orlando like all the time i'll be listening

and it'll be a cop is like uh yeah i'm uh turning around i'm gonna check out there's a african

american looks like he's in his 20s in a basketball jersey like if i was a black guy in orlando number

one i wouldn't be walking down the street in a basketball jersey because apparently if you do

that you're like a target for the cops i mean that's literally all i hear like they want to

give the descriptions of who they're turning around to pull over it's like african african

america in a basketball jersey it's like like the biggest thing i mean seriously uh one adam

Adam Paul, one Adam Paul.

We got an odd one here.

Blitzk, does this Carlito have a real cell phone?

Yeah, I mean, it's a Windows Mobile.

It's a T-Mobile slash HTC Dash.

This is it right here.

It's not a brick phone.

It's about the size of a brick.

Fuck that.

It's not the size of a brick.

It's got a full QWERTY keyboard on it.

I can listen to Sirius Satellite Radio on it.

I can surf the web on it.

I get my Outlook mail.

I get all my pop mail.

My Gmail comes to it.

I can actually FTP to the Madhouse website.

I can FTP to it straight from here, anywhere I am.

It automatically updates all my podcasts.

I listen to internet radio.

It's got two gigs of memory on it.

I can actually load it up.

So, yeah.

Blitzkiss, the HTC Equal is a real phone, not one of those gimpy-ass iPhones.

Exactly.

I can do so much more than I can do with an iPhone.

On my phone, it's insane.

You know what?

I have no need for an iPhone.

There's no need to get one.

You can get so much more.

This is worth its weight in gravel.

Yeah, exactly.

It is.

Literally, it is.

Not for another few years, maybe, there'll be a good iPhone product out there.

Anyway, so here we are doing prank calls.

This is Madhouse Radio.

I said before.

I mean, iPod.

Okay.

If you want to reach us again, the toll-free line is open.

Make sure the line is open here so I can hear it ring.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

I did want to mention, apparently here, the world's oldest joke.

This is a news story.

This came from Cokini earlier this week.

Koganyi sent in a news article here with the world's oldest joke.

The world's oldest joke.

We're going to give it a shot here.

Apparently, the world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 B.C.

and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.

It's a saying of the Sumerians who lived in what is now southern Iraq,

and it goes something like this.

To me, it isn't that funny, but apparently this is the world's oldest recorded joke.

Something which has never occurred since time immemorial,

a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

The ancient Sumerians, it's the last riot.

Yeah, apparently it's a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

Apparently that's a joke from the ancient Sumerians.

I say again, a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

The ancient Sumerians find that funny as shit.

The ancient Sumerians that are listening right now are...

What was that joke called?

I'm going to have to check for a chat one more time.

All right, let me try it again.

A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

Maybe Tuck will talk over it again.

A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

That's it.

Yeah, okay.

I get it.

Here's one from 1600 B.C.

This one was found in ancient Egypt.

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile

and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

Okay, good deal.

Yeah, that's...

no wonder they're fucking extinct

anyway

Blitzkrieg said

yeah see here

we're talking HTC here

no wonder they're extinct

he says his year old HTC phone

has GPS, Bluetooth, EVDO

full corded keyboard

much better software

welcome to 2006 Apple use

exactly

there's so much stuff

you can't do with the iPhone

even the 3G version of it

if you have a 3G iPhone

even if you're lucky enough

to live in an area

that has 3G service.

I mean, it's just...

Well, the new iPhone has GPS on it, though, right?

Athena's BlackBerry's Curve has GPS on it.

It's a gimmick, Dan.

Yeah, I get...

I mean, I don't get, like...

It's a gimmick.

I get GPS.

It's called...

It's a different version of GPS.

It uses cell phone towers for triangulation.

Like, I've actually got, like, Google Maps on here,

and it'll actually find my location

within several hundred meters, I think.

Because I know, like, the iPhone and those GPS,

those will find you within, like, what, 5 feet or something like that.

This one finds me, like, within 100 meters or something like that.

You know, it's not turn by turn, but it's close enough, you know, for...

And it's Google Maps.

I mean, it's really easy to use.

I can set...

I can sync it up with online with my own Google Maps and stuff like that.

I can send the maps directly to my cell phone, you know, from the computer and vice versa.

So that's really cool.

What's the funny milk, man?

What the hell?

Hey, Mono, are you looking at Nini's comments here, what his suggestions are?

Call people and tell them that joke.

Oh, man.

Make me yell out.

Yeah.

Just so you know how strong these jokes are.

Yeah.

While they still have the test of time.

Yeah, let's find out why not.

Okay.

For those of you who can't see Nuno's comments, he's saying, Carlito, call people and tell them that joke.

Call and tell the people that Egypt joke.

All right, we'll do that.

Egypt.

Let's call Egypt.

I don't have any numbers in Egypt.

I don't know.

Oh, Milkman.

Man, jeez.

Okay, Milkman.

That's just a marrying joke.

Good God, Milkman, you're going to be dying here pretty soon, aren't you?

I'm running out of breath.

I hear that death rattle, bro, man.

You've got to watch out for that.

Oh, here's the rattle.

He's 87 years old here.

He's been killing all of you.

Thank you for tuning in.

All right, guys.

Calm down.

All right, now, in Brazil, we were following this story earlier in the year, a few months ago.

That priest who went off in the balloon, his body's been found.

It's confirmed.

They found his body in early July,

and they just finally confirmed that a medical examiner says that the DNA tests

have confirmed that the body was of the priest.

So apparently he did not rise to heaven.

He did fall down to earth after three days and is now dead.

There you go.

For those of you who are wondering what happened to him.

What now we know.

He was translated directly to the surface of the planet.

Exactly.

Right back down to earth.

A man, you know, here's a good story.

He ruined Scotty.

A 57-year-old man was charged with shooting his lawnmower with a sawed-off shotgun.

Apparently, he was drunk.

He got pissed because his lawnmower wouldn't start, so he got his shotgun and shot it.

He said, quote, I can do that.

It's my lawnmower in my yard, so I can shoot it if I want.

Well, hell yeah, you can.

What's wrong with that?

Yeah.

Fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If I want to shoot...

People, of course you can.

Who says...

No, technically, it's his shotgun.

It's his lawnmower, and it's his front yard.

Why can't a man shoot, you know?

Elvis used to shoot his TV all the time

when he got pissed off

the fuck if I wanted to go outside right now

and start shooting bullets into my car

cause I got mad

as long as it's not my property

he didn't break any laws

all that is is an example of gun control

hitting your target

that's gun control

hit your target

it's illegal to discharge a firearm

why?

you can't just shoot a firearm

even if it's yours

Well, maybe, I don't know, it's a lawnmower.

It's a fucking dangerous thing.

It wasn't working right.

You had to put it down, man, like a horse.

You had to put the horse down, you know, and get shot.

That's right.

That thing could have got rabbits and attacked people like it should have put toenails back.

He could have gone crazy and killed somebody, man.

He was just trying to save the neighborhood from a crazy lawnmower.

I had to do it to my toenails.

Fuck, yeah, man.

Yeah.

Running on the loose.

Geez.

A man with no reason to be arrested was arrested.

There was no reason to arrest a guy because he hadn't done anything wrong.

In Tampa Bay, some guy kept calling 911 saying he wanted to be arrested,

and they finally went out there and arrested him.

He had no warrants out for his arrest.

Whatever.

Here's one that interested me exactly.

A guy in Seattle was involved in a violent crash.

A cyclist spoke out to apologize for what happened.

He's hoping to quell any possible backlash on the roads from other cyclists.

Apparently, he was driving his friend out on a date, on her birthday, apparently,

and uh he was surrounded by by people on bicycles um who were taking part some kind of demonstration

some cyclist demonstration he turned around to drive you know to drive away and they blocked

him in and uh he felt threatened and he popped the clutch and he ran over two of them or something

like that and they got hurt and apparently like there's some fear that the cyclists are going to

turn on drivers and there's going to be a big backlash and there's going to be fighting in

Let me tell you something, bicyclists, okay?

Bicycle versus car.

Who do you think wins, Tuck?

Who would win in a fight, a bicycle or a car?

A car, right?

You told me the last time.

Bicycle versus car, a car.

Yeah, and who would win a car versus telephone pole?

Telephone pole wins every time, right?

Now, telephone pole versus bicycle.

Telephone pole wins.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Bicycle.

Because a car will chop the telephone pole in half.

I think that's winning.

I don't know.

But, yeah, so apparently this is in the Cascade Bicycle Club.

And then they've got to burn the telephone pole up for fire.

You know, bicycles can be sneaky, motherfuckers, and get you when you're not aware of it.

Yeah, Dino's asking if I want to prank Henry Hill.

You might pop a wheelie right in front of you.

Yeah, sure, I'll prank Henry Hill.

That's fine.

Not a problem.

I could do that.

We'll try it.

All right.

This is the Goodfellas, right?

Yeah, he's the guy from Goodfellas.

That's right.

The story is based on him.

Great movie.

movie uh how about some music and continuation there we go is that good enough dino sending in

the number for henry hill i is it really henry hill i don't know well yeah he's been he's been

working with the syndicate people about doing the show i think right so yeah maybe it is a real

henry hill that bastard yeah i like benny hill benny hill rest in peace oh yeah man

I really don't think

Henry Hill is a

fucking

whack packer though

is he?

technically I don't think he is

he's just a

ex-gangster

basically

I mean you know

within

you know

within

you know

common range

you know

he's a fucking rat

is what he is

yeah whatever

tell him

if you're full

Carvano's out to get him

okay guys

Guys, that's enough of the news.

There's some more prank calls here.

Nino's getting upset.

He's calling me a wanker already.

He's getting a little livid.

We're going to call the...

It's getting cranky.

It's past bedtime.

Give that wanker a shot of scotch.

All right, we're going to call Eminem Fish and Chicken Shack.

This one is in Reno, Nevada.

Everybody, hang on.

Well, that's weird.

Well, let me play a prank call real quick here.

Let me play the rest of that before, if anybody can hear.

Oh, yeah, I'm on Justin at least.

Look at my nice new haircut, huh?

There we go.

Hang on, everybody.

We're trying to fix a syndicate.

Okay, we dropped the, we lost the now live feed somehow, someway.

Just a moment, don't go anywhere.

Yeah, what happened?

You didn't show up, man.

What the hell are you talking about?

I was outside.

Bullshit, I was out there, too.

Yeah, well, you must be a fucking invisible man because I was out there, brother.

You must be a homosexual yourself.

I must be what?

A homosexual because you didn't show up.

You hid behind your old woman.

You keep using the word homosexual, man.

You got some kind of latent problem there, dude?

No, it's you, the one that's homosexual.

Like I said, you have a hang-up with homosexuals.

Until you...

You know what that usually indicates, don't you?

You know what the burden of proof...

Psychiatrists say that if you've got a big hang-up with that,

it's because you're late and homosexually small.

No. Who says that?

That's what psychiatrists say, dude.

Well, you know what my pastor says?

I really don't give a flying fuck what your pastor says.

All I care is about what you say to me and my roommate.

Well, listen, I'm an attorney.

Your pastor can say whatever the fuck he wants.

I'm an attorney.

If you want to fucking meet out in the parking lot, brother, do it.

Look, why don't you go...

I waited out there for you for ten minutes.

I, I, you can come, why don't you just come to my place, dude?

What?

Come to my place, come up to my place, seriously, we'll come over here, we'll talk like men, and then we'll have a penis sword fight.

I ain't gonna talk like men to you, brother, I'm gonna bust your fucking jaw.

Okay, well here, I'm, look, you come over, I'm at my boy's house, we're in Unit...

Where do you live, man?

Unit...

What's that?

Unit...

You come over right now...

You know where I live?

Yeah, I know where you live, son of a bitch.

You're right down the street.

What's my address?

Building...

You think I don't know what you did to my car, you faggot?

What I did to your car?

You fucked up my car.

I fucked up your car?

Yes, you did, motherfucker.

You gotta be out of your mind.

I never fucked up anybody's car.

You got that lesbian over there living in your house, doesn't even clean the damn place.

Excuse me?

You got that lesbian over there down there in your house, doesn't even clean the damn place like a woman should because she's a lesbian.

Listen, what do you got against me, dude?

You're a faggot who messed up my car.

Messed up your car? How?

I'm gonna kick your ass.

How did I mess your car up, dude?

You scratched it up and you tried to steal my steering wheel.

Hold on, let me hear what he says about my car.

What?

How did I mess up your car?

You scratched it up when you tried to steal the radio out of it.

I never touched your fucking car, dude.

Then why is it you won't?

I never touched it.

Why don't you come help me out?

Let me talk...

You're talking about the car.

A minute ago you were doing a questionnaire.

Why don't you come out with the real truth, you little pussy?

You shut up, you cunt.

Oh, I'm a cunt, but you're a pastor and all this other bullshit.

Where do we live?

I'm not a pastor, bitch.

Where do we live?

Building.

Wrong answer.

Bullshit, bitch.

Well, apparently what I'm being told is that NowLive, which is the service that we use for SyndicateRadio.tv, has crashed.

So that is the reason why we lost the Syndicate feed, unfortunately.

That would explain what happened.

Oh, nowLive crashed.

Yeah, what I do understand, however, is that Justin.tv should still be up.

everyone on the Madhouse side

let me know if the video feed over on Justin

is working please

and I'm going to keep watching

if they will let me know the moment that

excuse me

let me know the moment that we get back

access to NowLive and I will rapidly go back in

to the syndicate side of things

but for the time being you can still listen to us over here

at Madhouse side I believe

well definitely you can hear the show on Shoutcast

Sir Dick Van Wrinkle confirms

that the video feed is working here

on the Justin feed over at

at themathouselive.com chat room.

So, good.

All right, we're going to keep going forward,

and hopefully we'll be joining our brothers and sisters

of our syndicate soon.

So, I guess what I'm asking you is,

it wasn't you that crashed.

Now, why the entire thing crashed?

Maybe I did.

Correct?

What the hell?

I got a weird...

This is something, guys.

You know, let me let you guys know something.

I'm not a big fan of text messaging.

I just got a text message from a person that I know.

I consider him a friend,

but we don't talk that much on the phone.

But he's still a friend, Mr. DeJuan.

on Patterson here. Let's see how smart

you are. Mary's father

has five daughters.

Nana, Nene, Nene,

Nono. What's the

fifth daughter's name? Text back

the answer.

Nono.

Nana, Nene, Nene, and Nono.

What is it?

It's Nu. Yeah, Nu Nu.

Nu Nu. Hey, right. Nu Nu.

Awesome, man. That's cool.

Cool, man. Well, Nu Nu, apparently you are

a shellcash thing.

Dino's in the chat room over here at the Madhouse site.

Thanks for making it, bro.

Good to see you.

Let me know as soon as you find out that we can get back in on NowLive.

We'll go right back over there.

We've got a German guy.

He says, hi, I am German.

Hi, German.

How are you doing?

I'm Puerto Rican.

Well, great.

Hi, German.

Hey.

I'm American.

Yeah, he's American.

And I've got a milkman who's Japanese-American.

And Baz, what are you?

American, too?

What are you?

Hey, little motherfucker.

Motherfucker, stop talking shit.

Motherfucker, I ain't that shit.

I ain't yellow.

Anyway, okay, cool.

Killif, look at that.

Look, man, man, here's someone.

Stop, Nico, man.

Here's someone we haven't seen in a long time.

Call him a bit, Killifornia.

Killifornia, man, dude.

What's up, man?

Long time listener.

Long time no see.

Dude, I've been out in L.A., man.

Where the hell you been, killer?

I've been looking for you the whole time I've been in L.A.

Fuck, that sucks.

Well, it's good to see Killifornia here, man.

Old time brother man.

Okay, cool.

Who else is, man, I see Dino's in here, of course.

I saw Saigon running around.

DC Loke.

I'm a porn director.

Jim.

Big Jimbo Hayes.

The man himself.

MSC3.

Clay's in the house.

Sir Dick Van Winkle.

Ellie made it finally.

Fall's in here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Why didn't you guys tell me Fall was back in the house too?

Look at this.

This is like old times.

You were busy crafting now live or something.

Geez.

Fall.

New, new.

Talk.

Milkman.

Lonesome Losers.

Of course.

Carlito.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

there's some people

are still able to stay in the syndicate room

Milkman's in there still, Saigon

Zolar's God, Baz

Blitzk, Sidekick Chuck's in there still

trying to hold it down, Disturbed

Claven's in there, big ol' Kirk

Fall says he's trying to listen

she's trying to listen to download

Winamp on Dialog, ooh good luck with that

well there's links on there if you have Windows Media Player

Fall, you can listen to it on Windows Media Player

just click on the link for it

they're on the front page and all that good stuff

If you have iTunes, you can do it there.

iTunes also, that's right.

And we have our own player.

You click on the launch of the Madhouse player on the front page,

and you can do it there.

She needs Java, though.

She's on Dial-A.

Oh, yeah, true, true.

Okay.

It'll take forever to do that.

Yeah, guys.

It's better to do it with a Windows video player, Paul.

Well, if you can't hear, you've got to type it, Jared.

Exactly.

You drag it right into iTunes, it works.

We're telling Paul what to do, and it's like, hello.

Whoa, she can't hear anyway, so what the hell?

What does it matter?

Let her figure it out on her own, okay?

All right, we're going to call Monkey Island Hotel, Milkman.

This is in England, Berkshire, England, home of the Jews.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

Whoops, and the guys are advising, does VLC work with Shoutcast?

I've heard a lot of recommendations for VLC.

I don't use it, but I do have it installed.

I use VLC, but I've never tried it for Shoutcast.

I haven't either.

either. I don't know if it's compatible. I'm assuming it is.

It doesn't work very good for me

because of my dial-up, but people say it works

well. Really? Okay.

It works great with movies and video clips.

That's what I hear. I'll try it here in a second

and find out. Yeah, I hear really good things

about VLC and video. I got the portable version.

Yeah, I hear if anybody out there is looking

for a good player, an alternative to Winamp perhaps.

The best thing that works for ShotKast

and dial-up is iTunes.

Really? It's more stable. You don't say.

iTunes sucks, man. You've got to be a

Yeah, but for what I have, it works better than anything else.

Everything else comes out within it.

Right.

I said you got a Mac.

You got a Mac.

That's right.

That's why.

Don't mislead our users.

Because I got a Mac.

Because I suck.

Because I have a Mac.

Then and there.

Whatever.

Yeah, I'm not bad.

He's just sucking the cock of Bill Gates.

Who's in charge of Microsoft now that Bill Gates left?

Steve Ballmer?

Yeah, Ballmer.

Yeah.

That guy's a fucking asshole, too.

He's better than the world.

Okay.

Anyway.

All right.

All right, well, let's try to call that Monkey Island Hotel again.

I was talking to some software designers and engineers out in L.A. that are my friends.

Yep.

And they told me about the operating systems and what they use.

All they use is XP in the actual design rooms there for the software.

And when I said, well, what about this?

They call it, he told me, well, we call that the temporary operating system, the temporary.

It's another Windows meme, man.

Yeah, it is.

Yes, it is, because they're actually using that as a holdover until what they call Windows 7 comes out.

And what's MinWin? Have you heard of MinWin, like the bare-bones version of Windows that's going to be coming out, too?

Have you heard anything about that?

Not yet. Right now, several.

I heard some stuff about it. That's all I know.

Hang on. Monkey Island Hotel, turn again.

Pretty damn good in VLC.

I'm listening to it right now.

Awesome.

Tell the killer.

Stop from your car.

Call 4-0-0-0.

Cannot be completed.

Why does it keep sending Bell in extra zero?

Check the number and dial again.

Whip, whip, whip, whip.

Could you have it?

I don't need it.

It's zero.

Stop it.

I must have been drunk.

One hour, forty-four, fifty-five, nine, ten, for this call, for physical peace.

Keep the back of your card.

I did talk to Rick Lute earlier today.

He said he tried to make it, but as you see, he hasn't made it.

...the Monkey Island Hotel.

For a reception inquiry, please press 1.

For a reservation, press 2.

For a restaurant reservation, please press 3.

For sales, please press 4.

For accounts inquiries, please press 5.

For other departments, please press 6.

Thank you.

Pay attention.

Head zero.

God is sending a number for Alice Cooter.

Hello?

Speak reservations for Spaces?

Are you sleeping?

No, no, no.

Oh, you're sleeping on the job, sir.

How dare you?

I'm not sleeping.

I was actually...

Resting your eyes?

Were you resting your eyes?

No, no, I was in the toilet.

What?

Sorry, who's that?

You were in the toilet?

No, no, I was.

What were you doing in the toilet?

Who's that?

Here you go on the toilet, not inside the toilet, you moron.

No, no, I'm not...

the toilet. You went inside the toilet?

I heard you

ring call and I came here

just. Oh, did you? Oh, that's...

Ew, you didn't wash your hands, did you?

Yes. Did you wash your hands?

I did. Uh, I don't

think so. Be honest with me. Tell me

the truth, because I won't report you if you tell me

the truth. Did you wash your hands or no?

Yes, I did, I did. So if I were

to do a swab test on your hands right now, would it

come up with pee-pee germs on it?

No, it's okay. Because how long...

How many rings did the phone ring before you picked it up?

Actually, it was on the keyboard, and it was converted, actually, on the handset, which is a porter, night porter.

And it was on the keyboard.

That's why the ring was not directly coming on the phone set, which is on reception, actually.

I was sitting there.

This is on the back side room, and I had it on, and I came here in the back room, and I now converted it to the main set.

Well, you got a whole story behind that one, don't you, buddy?

Yeah, you said.

That's good, right?

Problem with that, do you?

Can I take your details, please?

You can.

So, before, I mean, I'm really concerned with this.

I mean, I don't think you really had enough time if you were in the toilet, like you said, inside of it.

Especially, you weren't even on it.

You were, like, inside the toilet.

And the phone rang, and then you ran.

Obviously, did you have time to wipe your...

I mean, were you doing a number one or number two?

Pardon?

Were you doing a number one or number two?

Number two.

Number two?

Two, man, you did not have enough time to get up, put your pants back on from sitting down,

wipe the ass, and then wash your hands.

Hey, Athena, this guy says that he was doing a number two, right?

And he heard the phone ringing, and he ran to the phone, but he still washed his hands.

No, actually, I told you earlier that I was in front face of reception at that time doing that,

and then I had it on.

It was on the tank set

and then I picked your phone.

Just, I think it's on first or second day.

What kind of soap did you use?

That's a good question, Athena.

Good question.

What kind of soap did you use?

My wife wants to know what kind of soap you used.

We don't go to places where people

who don't wash their hands when they do number two

because now you touch the foam

and you're going to handle the money

and everything now.

Yeah, good time.

Was it antibacterial?

No, sir.

How can I help you, sir?

Can you say the word colostomy bag?

Yeah, can you say the word colostomy bag?

What that is, or have you, did you see one?

Sorry?

Do you use a colostomy bag?

Colostomy bag, do you have one of those?

Do we?

You ready?

Okay.

Dirty.

Not.

Say what I said.

The customer's over here.

I am.

Not.

A dirty.

Say it.

I'm not.

Say, I am a dirty.

You say it.

If you are, then sir, I can, what can I do?

No, say you are a dirty.

No, no, no, I'm not.

I'm clean.

My terrible stupid.

That is.

I'm clean.

Why would you even admit that you were in the toilet when I called?

Why would you even do that?

Why?

Why would you say, oh, I was smoking a cigar?

Actually, honestly, I was not doing any wrong thing, okay?

If you believe me, honestly, I was not doing any wrong thing.

And I just heard your son, and I came back.

Well, we're calling because we got a report that this place wasn't passing its cleanliness standards.

No, it's okay.

Okay. Everything is okay. I'm 100% fit. I'm okay. I'm clean.

Have you done with me?

Give you a bad rating on Hotels.com.

Okay.

All right? Because you are dirty. I'm going to write down in my review, F-.

Hey, theater, give me a lighter. You got a lighter?

Can you throw that lighter at me, please?

I'm sorry. I'm talking to my fiancé over here.

Where is it?

Give me that shit.

Okay. So, hey, write down I need three spaces.

Why are you closing the window for?

There, sir. Mr. Dirty Monkey.

I don't know where the hell we're going with that.

Why didn't you close the window for?

I don't care if you don't like it open.

I'll let people be able to see what's going on outside.

I keep car driving by all the time.

Yeah, people like to see that.

See?

Go to sleep.

I don't want you to stay up.

I don't want you to stay up anymore.

Go to sleep.

You're bothering me.

I liked it better when you went to sleep and didn't listen to the show.

I like to talk to ladies and ladies look at me.

And it's so wild.

You look like Ricky Ricardo.

Apparently no one can get in there.

It's not loading.

Mine did after like 10 minutes.

People say yes.

Apparently, there's some pretty big problems with the stick camera in here.

Athena, you got a text message over there.

Anyway.

You're coming in clear like you're on the mic.

That's pretty cool.

But apparently, the video just died.

We lost the video.

BTT's in here.

All right, guys.

Come on.

Let's just focus here.

Let me light this first, Athena, okay?

There you go.

That is really weird how the video just died like that.

Are you on cam?

No, Athena's on the camera.

Are you on camera, Athena?

No, she's on the cam.

The cam's dead.

I don't see anything on the camera at all.

The camera looks dead to me.

Look at that.

It's dead.

The whole thing just crashed.

Connect to video source.

All right, hang on.

Let me try to fix this again.

Where's my dad at?

I don't know.

All right, I know this is bad radio, folks.

You're just having technical difficulties.

This is how it goes with bad news.

Shit.

Gangrene should call in, man.

We haven't seen Gaten talk to Gangrene in a while.

He was, um, right before we started the show,

we were playing an old Gangrene call from a little while ago.

Gangrene's here?

Yeah.

He's on the chat?

Well, that's what I'm saying.

He should call in.

We were playing an old, uh...

Oh, oh, okay.

Oh, that's why.

His name's your band.

All right, he's a band.

He shouldn't be a band.

He's not banned.

Gagarin's like, he does some promos for us and stuff.

Athena, who's text messaging you over there?

Some other guy?

Are you drinking or something?

Why are you so happy?

Be miserable.

Let me see this.

Who'd you vote for?

Athena just text messaged in America's Next Dance Crew.

Oh, geez.

Do you know that's how they get your phone number?

Now you're going to get calls and stuff.

Thanks for voting.

THX.

There you go, MTV.

You will only get this message once.

Vote as many times as you like.

Watch MTV Thursday at 10 p.m.

9 Central for results.

Who'd you vote for?

I don't remember their names.

It was the second one.

You didn't even know who you voted for?

It was the All Guy Dance Crew.

The All Guy Dance Crew?

Dude, that crew the last season with the skates?

Skate.

Break Skate was the shit, man.

That's bullshit.

They got voted out like they did.

Hi.

Yeah.

You shut up, Milkman.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

All right, anyway.

We're back.

Video's back up now.

Syndicate isn't back up, but the video feed...

You're gangrene to these bands from Syndicate.

Why is gangrene banned from Syndicate?

You shouldn't be.

And it was saying we're playing a funny prank.

I don't know.

We're playing a funny prank call from, um, I don't know, shit, from, uh, from, uh, God,

I want to say that was, like, almost a year ago where we did a glory hole calls, and he

was calling the glory hole shelter or something like that, I think.

Funny stuff.

Okay.

Anyway, let's continue here with another prank call.

We're going to call Nigel Butt in England.

Just a moment, folks.

Thanks, dude.

This is the operator with a collect all from, accept the charges, one, now.

This car tastes nasty.

Something's up with this bad badge.

Is Nigel there?

Why?

Well, I wanted to let him know he needs to turn the air conditioning off.

It's too loud and it's bothering me.

You guys are bothering me with all the noise you're making here tonight.

I haven't had a lick of sleep all night tonight.

Well, I think you've got the wrong number,

so why don't you just wipe up and get the right one?

Why don't you piss off, woman, and put your man on the phone?

I'm not arguing with you. Bugger off.

Bugger off?

Bugger off.

Why don't I just call and argue and they're just going to hang out

the minute I start being mean?

My God.

Apparently there's a big heat problem in the UK, Athena.

Tina. Aren't you happy we're not going to start a honeymoon

off in the UK now? I know, that's what I'm saying.

We were going to.

Now we're going to Puerto Rico. Oops.

I thought it wrong. What's your honeymoon again?

Five days in San Juan? And then a

ten day cruise? Seven day cruise?

What can't we do ten days? Bull crap.

I want a ten day cruise out of, well,

Florida. So I don't want to go back to

work after our marriage. Can I just

retire after we get married and get it over with?

Great. I want to be the man.

You be the man. You wear the pants. I want to go

on disability early. It's my dream.

I'm a golfer, yeah.

I'm going to golf and play WoW until I'm 80.

I hope we get a Democrat in office, man.

Get some nice retirement.

Fix up things in this country so I can retire at 50.

Unemployment and welfare.

These UK guys.

You know, they only have to work like four days a week in the UK.

That's what I heard.

Nigel, what's going on, man?

This is a guy from the air conditioning patrol.

And I was trying to explain to your old lady there that there was too much noise coming out of your home tonight.

I'm going to have to file a complaint against you tomorrow.

tomorrow's conditioning patrol, and you had too much noise coming out of your air handler

and your condenser coils.

So I'm going to be filing a complaint against you unless you give me some money right now.

Okay, which is a very bad line.

No, it's a good line.

I think you're acting like you can't hear me because you know you're guilty.

Right, but where are you ringing from, please?

I'm a high-paid American lawyer, sir.

You understand?

I'm going to present your neighbor who is complaining that you're making way too much noise tonight

out of your condenser coils and your air conditioner.

So, I'm going to be filing a complaint against you tomorrow,

and I'm going to take away your TV and your air conditioning

unless you come to settlement right now over the phone with me.

I'm trying to extort you is what I'm saying.

Have you ever heard of extortion before?

It's 1130 in the United States, and we're the superior country.

You've got to admit we're the superior nation in the world, right?

All is superior to you in terms of land mass, naval power.

So, what are you trying to do?

Well, I'm imposing on you that we're a superior nation in terms of land mass, natural resources,

naval power, and gross domestic product.

Do you agree or do you disagree?

I want you to agree with me that the United States of America is superior to you in land mass.

Right?

We have more land mass than you do, right, sir?

I've talked to you before.

We've had this conversation before, haven't we, Mr. Butt?

I don't know.

Well, maybe I'm just calling in to, you know, Josh or Buttons a little bit or something like that

at 4.30 in the morning.

Maybe I get my kicks off of that.

You ever think about that?

Myself with some ash?

That was...

That was a rather odd conversation.

I think Mr. Buss was rubbing his butt in time to your presentation there.

He sounded very distracted.

Is NowLive back up yet?

Let me check.

Nope.

You can't even get into number one.

Yeah, NowLive went down.

Probably maintenance they're saying here.

That sucks.

Athena, did you vote again?

I started.

Did you text Aaron to vote?

How much did they charge you to vote?

Because you're with AT&T?

The new AT&T.

Awesome.

Hey, thanks for letting me leave the window open.

Bye, bro.

All right, that's Athena, everybody.

That's it for Athena.

Yeah.

She went back to her TV show.

Someone is sending in a link for smouch.net forward slash lol.

I'm not going to click on that link.

I've learned my lesson to click on blind links from people like that

that I don't really know.

No offense, of course, sir, but I don't think I'm going to be doing that.

But thank you very much for playing Madhouse Radio.

ATT is, like, going upset that he can't see us in that live right now.

Uh, is douche being kicked in the chat room for being dumb?

What's he doing?

Yeah, I'll take it, babe.

Oh, my.

Imagine that.

Dino says, stupid Athena talking about crappy TV shows.

They're here, here, my friend.

Thank you.

That coming from the guy in the UK, the originators of crappy TV and bad humor.

The Dead says, Carlos.

To Dead, the Dead, I say to you, Steven.

Hello, sir.

How are you?

Thanks for listening tonight.

Let's give a call to one of these numbers for fuck you too ho,

a.k.a. Gatling30, a.k.a. Mike and T.

He sends a number in for me

These are the same numbers he always sends

He always sends in the same numbers

You're on the air

What's going on douche

Are you being kicked

Tell daddy what's happening

He just wants to be green

Oh my god

You are not green

I give you permission to be green

You're green now douche

I made you green

How was your week Ben sir

You sound really happy.

How much you had to smoke tonight?

Huh?

What are the shadows saying tonight?

I don't know.

I don't remember.

It's probably like four or five bowls right there, dude.

Wow.

Ask him what the shadows are saying.

Tell him to milk me.

Milk me.

What's the game?

Milk me.

Are we going to let Dush be green or what?

Is it a bad green?

It's not easy being green, you know.

Negative.

We've got one green already.

You've been kicked again, Dush.

He has.

If you come with her, just take her.

No, no.

Ask what?

Ask Dush what the shadows are saying.

Hang on.

Hang on, Tess is going to say something.

Ask him what, Tuck, if his shadow is what?

What are their shadows saying tonight, if you have any idea what that means.

Basis for Tess then.

Not easy, being green.

I do that because I know he's never going to get a girl on a phone.

He did once, though.

Didn't he get, like, his mom on the line or something like that?

He must have been part of one that, like, was laughing and shit.

I think that would be an accident.

Dino wants to be purple.

Fall wants the dead to call in.

I'll ask him to call in.

Hang on.

Fall, the dead, apparently he did poorly.

Yeah, he did poorly on his final tonight, so he's not too happy.

Fall wants you to call him.

He went poopy.

He is.

He went poopy.

Where's he at?

Is he in the chat room?

No, he's on AIM.

He's not in the chat room.

Where's he at?

He's on AIM.

He messaged me.

Come to the chat room.

He messaged me about eight minutes ago.

Put me in a wanker in some of the chat rooms.

Yeah, anyway, so.

Tom Douche loves him.

Someone was asking.

Douche loves him.

Someone was asking what song that was.

That was Doobie Brothers, What a Fool Believes.

That was the instrumental sample of it, but that's what it was, What a Fool Believes.

I'll play a little bit of that song here.

And I'll be prepared to do our next prank call.

The dead says to fall.

I'm always green.

Gang green, sir.

Gang green.

Permanently green.

What's up, brother man?

Welcome home.

It's good when you plug in your microphone and you can hear me, hmm?

I see.

Well, here's a...

You gotta love the dead.

The dead says this.

Quote, tell fall to fuck an ice pick.

Hey, man.

Cool.

You heard it here first, everybody.

Sorry, fall.

He says that's just the dead being the dead, man.

There you go.

There's the proof right there.

If you didn't...

Today he was talking about Zola having a small penis.

Zola, I don't really know what all that means.

Zola has a small penis?

Zola has a small penis.

Oh, man.

Can I play my The Dead messages off my answering machine?

Random messages I get from The Dead.

You have messages of The Dead on your answering machine?

They're gangrene.

I have messages.

Yeah, play them.

Let me know.

Cue them up.

Let me know when before you do it.

I'm going to do a prank call first.

I've got to find my phone.

You've got to find your phone.

I'll be back.

All right, anyway, we're going to do a prank call.

Listen to Doobie Brothers, folks.

Folks, we'll be right back with the next prank of the night.

Who are we calling?

I don't know.

I'll figure it out on the fly.

That's how we do things here.

Michael McDonald.

Not Michael McDonald.

This is John Doobie.

We're calling Donna Worthy in England.

Same thing.

Was Michael McDonald the Doobie Brothers?

Was that with Pink Floyd?

Same thing.

Yeah, he was.

Shaq.

All of them.

Hang on, folks.

Don't go anywhere.

$180.

21 seconds for this call.

For applicable fees, pack up your car.

21 seconds.

I know.

Big down on the second.

That's a good deal.

Per second billing

What was that old cell provider

Who used to do that

Who used to have them

They're gone now

They got bought by Verizon I think

Hello

Ms. Worthy

Yes

You are worthy my sister

How are you

Go ahead and hang up

You twat

Anyway

What was the cell phone company

Who used to do that

I used to have my

I don't like you

She doesn't like it at all

I'm trying to remember now

My first cell phone I ever had

Back in like 99

What cellular one

Cellular one

No no no

Cellular one

What was the other one

Cellular one I think

No

No, no, no, no.

I think it just got bought out by Verizon.

No, I'm talking like they got bought out like in 99 or 2000.

Who were they?

Verizon bought them out.

They used to say, oh, we got two per second dialing.

Or maybe T-Mobile bought them out.

I'm trying to remember.

No, no, no.

I think it was.

Ritz.

No, no.

I mean, I'm talking old.

This is like 90, straight up 90 style.

Let me see.

Let me Wikipedia Verizon and see who they might have bought.

Verizon Wireless.

You know what's stupid about the Altel?

I don't know why Altel just resold Verizon.

So Verizon bought Altel, really?

They're out of Jacksonville.

Yeah, but all they do is resell Verizon service.

Altel was Verizon, just a reseller.

So they really just, like, brought them back up.

Wasn't really that big of a buyout, huh?

They probably just get a few more dollars per person now.

Yeah.

Yeah, what really pisses me off...

Which makes them the largest cellular.

Yeah, well, they've been the largest for a while, haven't they?

Oh, no, AT&T was the largest.

AT&T was a little bigger.

After they bought out Singular, I believe.

Right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Correct.

Yeah, and then for a brief period, Sprint and Nextel was the biggest before the AT&T Singular thing.

No, no, no.

They were after.

Now, I know T-Mobile was thinking about buying Sprint, and that would have made them the biggest one ahead of AT&T,

but it never worked out.

Whatever.

Hang on.

I'm trying to see.

Okay, Verizon Wireless.

Let's see.

It doesn't say.

I know they bought out.

God, they bought out.

That's what the dead calls me, the Verizon Wireless guy.

Oh, really?

Let's see.

Sprint PCS.

I'll tell you a seller.

Cricket.

Metro PCS.

Not Metro PCS.

Man, I don't remember who my first cell carrier was before back in the day.

Baz is splitting.

See you, Baz.

He's in Japan.

Thanks for joining us.

It was pretty cool having someone in Japan actually live on the air, man.

If you're still listening, peace out, brother.

No problem, man.

Cool.

Oh, you know what?

Peace out.

I'll check in next week.

Can you stay tuned for me to do one of those Japanese calls?

We can call the 7-Eleven if you can hang out for a few seconds.

If you can.

Sure, man.

Okay.

Oh, we got a Denny's, too, also in Yokohama.

I didn't know they had Denny's over there.

That's nasty.

Hey, you're on the air.

What time is it in Japan?

Yeah, um, Vulcan Goat.

Oh, I'm sure she fucks herself up with an ice pick.

Hang on, the dead.

Hey, Baz, what time is it over there in Japan, in Nippon?

Uh, let's see.

It's about 1 p.m.

1 p.m.?

That's trippy.

Hey, the dead, you want to call Japan with me?

You know what?

Vulcan Goat fucker just...

Yeah, I could.

What the hell was that for?

You're crazy.

Crazy bitch.

All right, Baz, don't go.

Well, you're loco in the...

You're loco in the fuckin' head.

Ask him for a Grand Slam breakfast.

Grand Slam.

I love you, DJ.

The Grand Slam.

You think if we get menaced in Japan, you think it's gonna be okay to call?

Yeah, this will fail all night, but yeah, it could be okay.

Cool.

Fuck, I keep dialing numbers.

I'm gonna send you some of their all-Japanese food.

just a moment oh baz what's the country code over there is it eight one uh it's eight one okay good

no that didn't work uh maybe whoa hang on oh man um no because the senator he'd like to make it

all right hang on let me i'm gonna send him to lonesome loser me he's always translating the

the japanese numbers here for me lonesome i sent you three if you get like the top one there

lonesome if you're listening uh let me know how to dial that from the states i know it's

I don't know if the country code's 81, though.

Let me check that out here.

Country code, Japan.

Let's see that here.

I know, Baz, you had to go, man.

I'm sorry about that.

Country code, Japan.

That's all right, man.

Let's see real quick here.

You know, honestly.

How many suicides do they have in Japan?

They're at the highest in suicides.

Yeah, they are, actually.

Yeah.

I don't know why.

Yeah, I don't want to put a zero in front of anyone.

It is.

I love you, the dead.

Oh, the dead.

We love you, man.

So what happened with your exam?

Tell everybody what happened, man.

What?

well you said

did you have like a

like a brain fart

in the middle of it

or were you not prepared

did you not get enough sleep

no you know what

the AC shit

was

you know

the teachers

the PhD

in

electronic mechanics

right

electronic mechanics

and

he fucking

made those questions

fucking hard

yeah

he was like

turned to mind

yeah what a bastard

that guy

John says

I win this round

for not clicking on that link

Like, what was it?

What was it that...

I bet you Anna was sending in that link that makes you go,

Hey, everybody, I'm looking at gay porn now.

I bet you that's what it is.

You know that one?

Or Meat Spin, maybe, he was going to do?

You like Meat Spin, don't you, Dad?

No, I don't.

You like it, though.

Nuh-uh.

You watch it with Tina and you guys have...

No.

Ew.

You're so nasty.

You might be hard-pressed to find anyone who speaks English outside of Tokyo.

Those calls probably won't go too far.

Well, sure, they've got to speak it there.

Anyway, all right.

Well, we'll move on.

Baz, I'm sorry.

Hey, what language is the dead speak?

Polish.

We'll catch you next week.

See you, Baz.

Yeah.

Oh, Simon.

Hang on, everybody.

Simon Balls in.

From a break.

The dead's on the line.

Toledo.

Benoit.

Benoit Balls.

All right, guys.

Goal start for that one

Good job, Tuck

She's got bad breath

Dead

For beating around the bush, everybody

You can see how long it took to go to the kill on that call

Yeah

I don't think Jared should knock now

Goal start to it

Gotta give him points for that

Can't all be winners, all right

We're gonna call Alice Munson

Mod from last week, Milkman

You made such a big deal about Mod

Yeah, now you remember Mod

Or did you ever look it up?

She was in Mod on the show

Thank you for having me on the show

Right, yeah, her name was B. Arthur.

Yeah, exactly.

Her name was B. Arthur.

But everybody here is Maude, all the old people.

Gotcha, all right.

We're going to call the baby.

I don't get it, man.

I don't get it.

What happened to your phone today?

Screwed it up.

All right, I really got to take a break real quick.

Give me just a moment here, folks.

If you don't mind, I've got a urinary emergency here.

I've got a urinary tract infection.

No, I don't, but it's just I've got to pee.

Oh, my goodness.

It's cranberry juice, my brother.

I know.

When we come back, we've got a lot more pranks to do.

We're not going to end the show anytime soon.

I think Mike and X-Man, because that's really good for the type of vaginal secretion

that you might be discharging at some level.

It's the Green Mile.

The Green Mile.

That's the one that goes down the front of your pants.

Yeah.

Anyway.

You need a large black man to hold on to your nuts.

In the meantime, Zolar has got us reporting that apparently there was an attack on Stick Cam last week,

and he rumors perhaps that's what's happening now in NowLive.

Hopefully not.

Apparently NowLive is not up yet.

We're going to keep trying to reconnect to that here.

What happened to our guest, our in-house guest?

Maybe it's him.

Ask our in-house guest if he has anything to do with it.

I don't know.

Do you think who?

Oh, Prankmaster?

Prankmaster, was it you?

Part of me.

Well, yeah, I know it's a part of you, but, I mean, did you do that?

Or, I mean, are you capable of doing that?

Can't shit on my own.

All right, well, okay.

I guess it wasn't him.

Oh, man.

You're good here, Mono.

How do you feel about the show tonight?

Hang on, let him talk.

He's been quiet.

Prank Master, if you want to talk, Major Cass,

how do you feel about the show tonight?

You know, this show is in front of me, too, dude.

Well, hell, yeah, good deal.

Well, it's good to have you on, man.

Major Cass.

Apparently, the show is making me ting.

It's making me ting.

Major!

It's stupid for you, dude.

All right, anybody, so when we come back,

we got more pranks to do,

including Reuben E. Cox.

Terrence Day,

Michael Grimes,

Mitchell Rutherford.

We also have numbers in Japan that we can try to do.

We've got Jill Bob's Chicken Joints

and Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers

all on deck, so don't go anywhere, everybody.

We're having fun despite the technical difficulties.

I'm glad to report that we're still holding strong here.

And I expect no less from all of you.

Difficulties, difficulty.

Exactly. We always make it through

shining like a rose.

You can reach me on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger,

Madhouse Radio is the screen name for AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

If you're using MSN Messenger, you can also reach me at madhouseatlive.com.

I just fixed the mic, finally, for the first time all night.

I've been too loud this whole time.

Anyway, I'm mumbling.

We'll be right back in about five minutes.

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Network.

That's the voice I love getting, right?

You can come to his wedding.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

They're not here.

I'm going to cut you off.

Yeah, I'm out of here.

Hi, everybody.

What's up?

We're back.

And how's radio for another end of show time?

First of the month.

It is the first of the month, dude.

It's August 1st, everyone.

Woo-hoo.

20 days, you will be my birthday.

Woo.

I'm in.

It's almost the first of the month.

Dude, you know, when I worked, I worked at a bank this time last year, and a Friday

that was also the first was like a nightmare.

I worked at a call center.

for the bank because the whole day was like you know you get the like when you get a call at a

call center i don't know if you ever worked at one but you hear that like i pick up like hi thank

you for calling blah blah blah blank this is carlos how can i help you and like oh yeah i want to know

if i got a direct deposit today and like uh-huh yes you did get your direct deposit from the u.s

treasury mr on welfare guy oh so that is all available now yes it is all available now oh

Oh, thank you.

That's the least I know it was.

It was like people in the ghetto making sure they got their direct deposit for their welfare

and then the old people making sure they got their like VA benefits and stuff.

You know, double whammy.

Friday, first of the month at the same time.

Nightmare.

I think one time we had it like it was the first of the month.

It was a Friday and it was the day before a holiday.

So it was like insanely busy.

I think I quit next week.

I think that's what did it.

I gotta get on that, uh, I gotta get on that racket.

California Smokin' Wine, Black and Milds.

Dude, what's up, brother man?

Me too.

Wine, Black and Milds.

Ooh, I gotta turn the video back on.

Whoops.

I turned the lights down a little bit here.

The light's a little too dark, but here you go, man.

Wine, Black and Milds.

That's what I'm smokin' right now.

I'm gonna go turn the light up real quick.

Hey, Milkman and the guys, um, entertain the guys for about ten seconds while I turn

the lights back up here.

All right, man.

When he's gonna turn the lights down, he's gonna have a romantic interlude.

So all of you on the cam, watching on Destiny TV, please close your eyes.

This is a pornographic moment, and we've got you for the next 30 seconds by MadhouseLot.com.

That's right, 98.6.

You go a mile.

Free pornography available right here.

Live.

Free pornography.

Fuck you.

98.6.

I'm sorry for Carly.

Free pornography.

That's what it's all about here tonight.

I do need help, man.

I'm going to take you to 98.6.

Just keep watching that damn KDK video over and over again with him on the Stern Show.

That's what it is.

Isn't it, man?

See, I pressed that to DVD.

I've been selling it on my corner.

He's like, yo, what's up?

I still can't remember the name of my first cell phone provider.

Who the hell was it that got bought out by Verizon?

I'm trying to find it here.

I wish I knew.

For the life of me, I really wish I knew.

I'm going to keep looking.

It's going to kill me now.

Man, they had a funky name, too.

Security guy going by in a golf cart.

Hey, security man.

Did you guys see the security man going by in a golf cart?

I don't know if you guys can see him or not.

Cheating, man.

Cheating.

Are you a security guy?

No.

No, not Bell Atlantic.

No, it was a national.

I was 98.

GTE.

Let's see.

Verizon.

Blocked.

Ouch.

So far.

It doesn't say.

Who's been hacking the now live?

I don't know what to tell you, man.

I don't know who would have done that.

Maybe it was a T-Mobile.

Let's see if it was T-Mobile.

Did T-Mobile buy him out?

Can you take the same possibility that this person is in the Microsoft white T-Mobile

right now?

It wasn't Vodafone.

I'mco.

Aircut.

Cellular.

Well, hang on, what did you say?

My turban is dirty.

You said Primeco.

What was the one after Primeco?

AirTouch.

My turban is dirty.

It was around the same time when...

That's all they've ever bought out.

You remember when Primeco was around?

It was around the same time, that time of the 90s.

Primeco was out there.

September 21st, 1999.

Vodafone, AirTouch, Bell Atlantic Mobile, and Primeco.

No, no, it wasn't that one.

Man, this is going to kill me.

Who else, who's T-Mobile bought out?

Let me see here.

It doesn't say.

I'm on their Wikipedia page.

Cellular One used to be around.

Was it Cellular One?

Back in those days.

Cellular One was big in the 90s.

No, I don't think it was that either, man.

They were in Florida, too.

Prime Co. was in Florida, yeah.

Prime Co., they had the Motorola phones.

They were really big on Motorola.

Let's see, I'm going to put in 1998 cell providers.

Let's see if that helps me out here.

It doesn't say.

I don't see it at all.

Hmm.

No, no.

Cellular One, maybe?

No, I don't think it was that.

Does Wikipedia have a list of, like, you know, old cell providers or defunct major phone companies of the United States?

That's all they've bought out.

Really?

Mobile phone companies by country, telecommunications company.

Let me see.

Maybe if I look up PrimeCo here.

I don't know why we're even going on.

I get on these tangents sometimes, and I've got to find out the truth.

Let's see.

PrimeCo was a joint venture of Bell Atlantic and AirTouch.

Was it AirTouch?

No, it wasn't AirTouch.

It cannot have been.

I don't know.

know they were the first to do like they were they were the first to do like true true per second like

like back then like if you had like you know you were billed per minute so if you know if you

started your minute you know you were billed the whole 60 seconds at a time with this company they

said you know if you only taught for five seconds you only got charged for that five seconds you

know i mean it was a lot better off on you and then your incoming your first incoming minute

was free also so i remember i had my thing was like you know if someone called me you know i

I would answer the phone and say, all right, let me call you back,

and I would go to a pay phone or go to my house phone and call them back

so I could get the number and talk to them and say, hey, hang on,

I'll call you back real quick, and then I'd talk to them on the pay phone

or something like that.

Man, I haven't used a pay phone in, I don't think, like six or seven years.

I don't know.

I can't remember the last time I used a cell phone.

Here we go.

This might be it.

Here we go.

We've got defunct mobile phone companies of the United States.

Let's see.

Ampt, Mobile, AT&T Wireless, Advanced Mobile Phone, Dobson, Edge, Nextel,

Primeco

it's not here

none of these is it

fuck this

Vodafone is the original

Verizon Wireless

is it?

no I don't remember

what it was at all

Vodafone is all over

the world

Milkman you're sitting

in Australia

and other places

yeah Milkman

so you're sitting

in the history

Verizon still owns

Vodafone

yeah it was one of the two

I don't know if it was

Verizon at bottom out

or who it was

man I wish I knew

for the life of me

who I had that phone with

Anyway, it's unimportant.

Whatever.

Maybe I'll remember one day.

You know what?

I'm going to put in here.

That was their big thing.

They used to say, hang on.

True per second.

Hey, why don't you make some type of contest out of this?

Whoever can answer this in our forums will get some type of a free prize.

So, when you answer it.

Hey, I found it.

It's a proper response.

Too late.

I found it.

And have that link too.

I found it.

Carbino win.

Aerial Communications.

That was the one right there.

Aerial.

That's the one right there.

There we go.

There you go.

Claudia got the gold star.

Hell yeah.

A-E-R-I-L.

Man, that's sad.

You think about it.

It wasn't that long ago, but these are companies that have been bought out.

And I've totally forgotten about companies like that, dude.

I mean, look at what happened to Ariel anyway.

It doesn't even say here.

And they don't even have a fucking name or a Wikipedia page.

That's sad.

I've got to start the Ariel, man.

They were big.

They were a big cell phone company.

No one ever talked.

Here we go.

They were acquired by T-Mobile, apparently.

Aerial Wireless.

Okay.

Well, they should have their own page.

That's not fair to them.

There were a lot of people that worked for them and made a living off of Aerial.

That was a good cell phone company, though, man.

I'm still with T-Mobile now, though.

Actually, I guess so.

I came back to them because I do have T-Mobile now, 10 years later.

Hey, speaking of KDK, did you hear Siobhan deny their love?

When was that?

Vern asked Siobhan, just so you still haven't been fucked, and she said no,

No, but I saw them fucking.

Oh, they fucked.

That's pretty sad.

They refer to KDK as that guy.

I heard that.

They refer to KDK as that guy.

Yeah, where is it KDK works at Applebee's or something?

I don't know.

He says, dude, he's a millionaire, he says now.

But then he's always saying he's strapped for cash and all this.

I'm like, yeah, okay, you're a millionaire.

Every time I go to Connecticut, I do not eat at any franchise restaurant like Applebee's.

Yeah, okay.

Domino's or something like that.

It's from a pizza place.

Yeah, Domino's.

Yeah, that's where he delivers pizzas for Domino's or something.

I don't know.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I ordered pizza in his town.

I'll be honest with you folks.

I did have a conversation about two or three weeks ago,

a three-hour conversation with a drunken KDK going back and forth.

Three-hour conversation.

Just about, just like that, man.

The guy, he's like, he would get upset.

Remember, I was talking to you about this conversation.

You saw some of the conversation.

I shared it with you.

This guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Vodka-fueled conversation.

Yeah, he would say, I hate you, Carlito.

I fucking hate you, blah, blah, blah, this and that.

And then I'm like, okay, peace.

And then he'd come back, and he'd say, I'm crying, and I'm sorry,

and I wish you didn't hate me, Carlito,

and all these people turned you against me,

and syndicate turned you against me, and this and that.

I'm like, oh, God, here we go.

So he's rubbing it in my face, and he's like, I'm rich now.

Now, he says he thinks that I hate him because he's a millionaire now.

I really don't think he's got the money he says he does, dude.

You know, I really don't want to deal with it or talk about it too much.

But anyway, let's do some frank calls here, okay?

You know what would be good radio is getting his old little boyfriend on the radio and find out what all happened.

Kevin? Keith. That was his name, Keith, right?

Keith, Keith.

Yeah, well, I mean, apparently the story is he was cheating on KDK with a woman.

and I guess his family pressured him to go straight

and they said they'd hook him up with money and a house

or, you know, like a place to live and a car.

You know what I mean?

They said, you know, if you come back home

and you play the straight game,

we'll bring you back into the fold.

And we wanted, you know, and he was dating a girl

and now he ended up going with some girl or something.

So, but apparently he kept meeting up with KDK.

That's what I'm looking for here.

He kept meeting up with KDK for, you know,

random hookups and stuff like that.

So, whatever.

Okay, anyway, come on, enough.

enough let's let's do some prank calls let's see what i got from lonesome loser here um i've got

uh a lot of numbers in the uk um that we need to get to so let's go ahead and start off with uh

carolyn reed in sussex england all right folks let's do it uh mr grooms wake up

i'm a gambler

i'm gonna say it has some of the greatest shows but i've been having a lot of fun because a lot

lot of people in the chat room that we haven't seen in a long time and uh a lot of you know a

lot of people coming together dino and all those people from syndicate had to come over here and

it's good to see everyone kind of hanging out together people who uh have been following the

show for a long time california fall no answer there anything we're missing let me check is

is an ally back on it doesn't really matter at this point um it is back on i think it's back

But I'm banned.

You're banned.

I can watch it, though.

Everyone, I vote to unban this guy.

So you can watch, but you can't join the chat, is what you're saying.

You're not really missing much.

I mean, it's good to chat in here, but...

Yeah, I'll get banned again, but they might as well leave me banned.

Well, you're showing gay porno, man.

Or hardcore trendy porn.

Hardcore trendy fucking...

Hey, call somebody, a professional, for help for me.

Yeah, for porno?

I need help.

Yeah, is there...

No, Tranny Porn.

Tranny Porn, the Tranny Porn line.

Did we talk to Tranny?

Hey, we should play that call.

Remember we talked to that Tranny recently?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We did that pre-gay sex call.

Hang on, let's see.

Yeah, dig this, gang gang.

Where's Hollywood at tonight?

Hollywood messaged me right before the show,

and I didn't see him.

Maybe he's on painkillers still.

I think they knock him out.

Let's see here.

He already uploaded that.

Hollywood, Vanya calls for retirement home.

Reclute calls.

What was it called? Tranny?

Hang on, let me see if you can call it Tranny.

I know it's here somewhere. No, that's not it.

I know it. Here we go.

Carlito calls a transvestite sex line.

This is from two weeks ago.

Let's play that here real quick while I set up the next prank.

Welcome to your pin now by the pound sign.

And if you make our service, you can call us back at 1-800-CHOOSE-HOW-YOU-WANT-TO-GET.

Here we go, listen.

Choose online, send instant messages, or go one-on-one.

Turn yourself over to a nasty girl who'll do anything you want.

That's right, your own personal sex.

That's it.

Press 2 for a live hot one for a hot girl.

Press 2 for a skilled dominatrix.

Press 3 for a beautiful T.S. with a special surprise.

Or an alluring T.V. who knows what you want.

Or press 9 to repeat your choices.

All right, guys, what's it going to be?

Give me your votes quickly here.

We're repeating our choices.

Tranny, tranny, tranny.

For a hot girl

Press 2 for a skilled dominatrix

Press 3 for a beautiful T.S. with a special surprise

Or an alluring T.V.

Who can do what you want

Or press 9 to repeat your choices

Number 3

Enter the 4 digit agent number of the hot girl of your desires

Or press the pound key for the next available agent

Alright here we go baby

Get your lube ready

Get your tissues everybody

Here comes an alluring woman

Just to meet you but honey

Oh, this is a rough-ass.

Hello, how you doing?

Hey, good. Who's this?

Jerry.

Hey, this is Jack.

How you doing?

Oh, I'm so happy I'm talking to you now.

How you really, baby?

Yeah, where you at?

Indiana, and you?

In Miami. I'm originally from the Virgin Islands, though.

I'm in the hospital at the VA hospital here.

You're in the hospital?

Well, in the VA hospital, actually.

So they got me set up here, but I'm on my cell phone.

Well, why are you in the hospital?

Oh, I just got some... I got a kidney problem.

I'm a little overweight, and luckily I was in Vietnam, so I got the veteran, you know, the veteran kind of thing.

You're not old enough to be a Vietnam vet.

I was.

Well, thank you for the confidence, sweetheart.

So what was your name again?

I forget names.

I'm Jerry.

Jerry?

So are you like a TS or something?

Like a TS?

Yes, I am a TS.

So is that transsexual?

Yes.

So do you have a wang or no?

Do I have a dick?

Yes.

Well, I like to call it the wang.

Whatever.

You want to use the dick?

So what are you allowed to do?

Are we allowed to, like, masturbate together?

Of course.

Definitely.

Can I, I mean, I need, do I need your permission to touch it?

Well, you can touch yourself whenever you want to, baby.

I'm not a mischief.

Okay, hang on.

Are you in a private hospital room?

Yeah, it's just a little suite.

Oh, nice.

Oh, God.

Well, how old are you?

For this call, for applicable fees, see the back of your card.

We'll continue that later.

The exciting conclusion to that prank.

We're sorry.

The number you have dialed, 4-4-1-2-6-8-6-8-8-4-8-4, is not in service.

Please check the number and dial again.

Message 64.

I don't care about the international lines there, Tony.

Enter your destination number now

I wasn't in Vietnam

I was stationed there

I wasn't like in the war or something

Who's stationed in Vietnam?

I was in the Vietnam

This is some shit

The whole time the gopher talker was fake

God damn it

Your call

4 4 1 2 6

H 6 H 0

H 4

Cannot be completed as dialed.

Why is it missing the numbers I'm pressing?

Please check the number and dial again.

Message.

You are naughty.

So what kind of family she is you want to talk about?

Whatever you want to talk about, baby.

How big is your thing?

Seven inches.

Oh.

You have.

Do you know what I look like?

Yeah.

It's five nine.

I'm 145 pounds.

Oh.

There's no cell phones on the set.

Hello?

This is the Cox residence.

Can I speak with please?

Sorry, wrong number.

No, these are the cocks.

Don't you give me the runaround, please, ma'am.

No, it's not.

You're a liar.

You're lying.

You're holding back.

Put your cock on the phone.

Put it on the phone now.

Rub it on the phone right now.

I tell you to do it, you do it.

He actually had to rub it on the microphone.

That's awesome, though.

I like that.

That's kind of hot.

That was my cock.

That was my move back when I used to have phone sex a lot when I was younger.

I used to tell women, you know, let me hear it down there.

TMI.

Breast size 34C.

How did you do that?

Did you get, like, implants?

I didn't like what it was doing to my dick.

I weighed 482 pounds.

You can't get a boner.

I got long hair.

It goes down to my back.

Like to like the small of my back.

What color is it?

It's like, it's going gray now.

It's like dirty, like dirty blonde.

You remember Captain Luauwano?

I know he had the tea with the tide.

I do the rubber band type.

Are you black?

I'm German and Sicilian.

You sound black.

I have a lot of black friends.

I'm German and Sicilian.

I don't know, maybe it's rubbing off on you.

You can rub it off so you can say everything that you think like in a movie theater.

A theater, yes.

Yeah.

I would like maybe I'll be in the back of the theater watching like WALL-E or something like that.

Like, you know, a movie, there's not a lot of people in it during the day.

I want you to come in.

Like, you see me and then you come from far away and you come inside.

side sit next to me oh yeah and i want you to start masturbating would you do it's like four

four and a half don't tell anybody it's like four i'm not gonna tell anybody who am i gonna tell

i don't know the secret is safe with me you gotta tell the media or something you're a city council

member yeah this is so hot this is so dangerous and it's so hot so what would you do in the

movie would you like would you sit on my cock like would you ride it well if i'm just coming in and

and I'll just sit next to you and start stroking your cock.

I want you to just, like, sit on it and go up and down.

Oh, you want me to sit on it so it's going to be hard already?

Yeah, I guess I already saw you from far away.

Like, yeah, I want to smell your hair, like, in the back,

and I want you to sit and go up and down.

And then I was thinking, like, it would be hot at, like, the movie theater,

like, and you just keep going up and down, and, like, who gives a shit?

I do, baby.

Like, it was so hot, it was just, like, the movie theater was on fire.

we're having sex and and then the whole theater collapsed and the fire came the roof caves in on

us and because we do rap people with sinners because we're having sex and the litica says

that we're in our souls to have sex but i don't care i don't care

sorry, Jesus.

We can still have sex, baby.

We don't have to have the roof came in on us or fire.

We can eat all day.

I'm sorry, Jesus.

Okay.

What did you say?

You're sorry, Jesus.

You're messing it up.

Shut up.

I'm almost there.

Talk me off.

Well, go ahead, baby.

No, you talk me off.

I'm paying you.

Don't be lazy.

What do you want?

Have you ever had sex on a plane before?

No, I've never had sex on a plane.

God, I want you, maybe we can sit down together

like you had the same seat next to mine on the plane

and then I want you to sit down on my cock

and then you're bouncing up and down on my cock on the plane

and then the plane starts crashing

and it crashes into the seat

and then we both die.

No, baby, that's a little bit too tragic.

Oh, I'm into finally dying

and getting out of this pain

Take you out of your misery.

You ever go hunting?

I'm not a hunter.

Take you hunting, like, we were going, like, a guide trip, like, a hunting trip.

And we'd come to each other, you know, a little bit.

And I was thinking, like, I could get shit on top of me, riding my car, and stuff, and down.

I don't want to either.

It's, like, the most erotic thing ever.

Oh, that's really sick, you know that?

Sick.

Mushu Mushu?

Mushu Mushu, this is a live call. How are you, sweetie?

Mushu Mushu?

Hi, do you speak English, machine?

No.

Oh, who speaks English over there?

We have no English speaker.

Do you have a Japanese speaker?

You always say the same thing to me, baby.

And every time I just want to tell you, I want to lick your pussy all night.

You know?

Huh?

I said I want to lick your pussy all night.

That's okay, right?

Like, you let me do it, right?

Because I'm...

You know who I am?

No.

You like Tom Cruise?

I see.

Do you know who Tom Cruise is?

I see.

You're a very big person.

I am a very big superstar, Tom Cruise.

Uh-huh.

And I'm going to go down there, you know, down there and I go...

You want that? You like?

You want me to go down there?

That's such a Phil Hendry ripoff.

I like Tom Cruise.

Come on. You like Tom Cruise? Ask me. I am Tom Cruise.

Maybe Mr. Tom Cruise is a busy person.

No. Me. Me Tom Cruise. Me Tom Cruise.

Where is the English speaker?

Yes, hi

You remember when

About a year ago

I talked to you

And I did that

La la la la la

Thing to you

And you got turned on

You remember that?

You don't remember that?

Me and you

We had that moment

Please go back

From the Japanese speaker

No, no, no

Okay

No, no

Okay

No

You have

Three dollars

Twenty six

For destination

Number

Now

Guys, I'm telling you

Just one time

Remember

You remember that

Milkman

That I called her

And she got like

Really into it

She's like

Hi

Yeah, she was getting hot

Yeah, she's like

Like, hi.

Hi.

Yeah, that is, I kind of did take that from.

I base a lot of my stuff on Phil Henry.

I'm a big Phil Henry fan, but that Japanese, this one time, that same girl right there,

I talked to her, and she got really into the thing, the whole labia thing.

Well, they all sound the same, so I'm really not quite sure if it's the same one or not.

Yeah, but she got really hot about it.

You can tell.

She wants it, man.

She wants it from me.

I think she was just disappointed because you started out being Tom Cruise instead of Carlito.

Yeah, well, no, I told her Brad Pitt last time.

But she likes Tom Cruise, too, though.

I thought you was Joe America last time.

Was I? I don't know, but she wanted me to go down to her once.

She's like, I asked her, and she said, yeah.

She's like, hi, hi, and that means yes in Japanese.

Sick motherfucker right now.

Won't you? You're the one that dresses like a woman and has mutilated your chest.

Right, that ain't sick.

To you, I'm going to preach to you.

Intervention.

Oh, my God.

Why don't you intervention your ass and lose some weight, Jack?

Okay, I'm going to intervention my ass right now.

You ready?

Yeah.

Okay, hang on.

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm intervening less.

I just ejaculated.

You did?

I'm going to eat my ejaculate.

It's your ejaculate.

Enjoy it.

It's kind of salty.

I'm going to eat less salt.

Shit, stop telling me what to do.

You, you know, you masturbate on the phone with other men.

I bet you you're, I bet you you're not even a man.

You're a fucking woman this whole time, aren't you?

Tell me the truth.

Tell me what's going on here.

I have a dick between my legs.

And you're calling me, got your ass preaching at me.

How dare you?

I think you're a liar.

I think you're really a woman who's just low on money because you have like five black kids at home.

And you're black.

You don't have an ounce of German or Italian or whatever it is the hell you say you got in you.

You're some ghetto ass woman that's got like five kids at home.

That's the only thing you know what to do.

You're probably sitting at home.

You know who you are?

You're Michael Jackson.

That's who you are.

Okay.

You're Michael Jackson.

Okay.

Okay, what's your favorite Michael Jackson song?

I don't like Michael Jackson.

Mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say, mama say.

Yes, I'm the director of the VA hospital.

Oh, you're such a fucking liar.

You fucking cunt.

You're a cunt.

You're gonna die in hell.

You read about Sodom and Gomorrah, and you see what's gonna happen.

You're gonna turn into a pillar of salt.

Are you right there with me?

Perhaps.

But you first.

You first, lady.

I'll get the party started.

God bless you.

I'm leaving.

Bye.

whatever

there was another prank

I wanted to play

oh it's disgusting dude

dude don't knock it

that's the one that

Prankmaster went down on

that one time

at Solar's house

oh don't even get me

started on that

um

California has a show

California have a show

most of you have a show

really dude

nah I ain't got no show

I ain't got no show

I'm shocking

showing off

motherfucker

I'm gonna call a

New York grill on Tokyo here

we've called this place

a few times in the past

it's always fun

we always make

this is the place

where we do reservations

as Vagina Jones

Jones. Famous place. In the meantime, I did want to call for the whole tattoo. I wanted

to play the tattoo prank call from last week. This one's called Who's Jake? Yeah, hey, this

is the tattoo guy? Yeah. Oh, you're the guy that does the tattoos over there? Is there

more than one of you? There's more than one of us, yeah. Oh, hey, look, my wife went in

there, right? She got a tattoo. Okay. And it says Jake on it. Fucking Jake. Who's Jake?

You show me who Jake is. Bruce, I'm not Jake. Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't fuck. Well,

Well, then in that case, you must know something that I don't.

Is your name Jake?

My name ain't Jake.

Put Jake on...

I don't know who the fuck Jake is.

Put fucking Jake on the phone number.

They're going to have a good talking to that bastard.

There ain't a fucking Jake here.

Well, someone tattooed their name on my wife's left tit.

But it wasn't fucking here.

Well, she said she was drinking, and then she...

Well, if she's drinking, it's her fucking problem.

It says right here on the thing that if it's a Jake,

that she wasn't fucking drinking when she got tattooed.

Well, she...

She called me up giving me a bunch of shit.

Hey, you fucking asshole.

So, look, she's a married woman.

You don't go around telling...

That's not my problem what's happening in your personal life, pal.

She said that she couldn't see it, and she said,

put my husband's name on my wife's head,

and that the guy put their own name on it,

and your name is Jake.

My name is not fucking Jake.

Well, when you picked up, you said, this is Jake.

Bad tattoo.

Why did you not?

Why would I tell you I'm fucking Jake when I'm not Jake?

I'm going to give you a prison tattoo right on your ass

that's going to have my name Bruce on it, you understand?

That's from last week.

We'll play the rest of that in a moment.

Calling the New York Real.

That's fucking hilarious, though.

Yeah, don't miss out, guys.

Stay around.

Yeah, last week we had some sound problems.

Everything was over-modulated and too loud.

But I think this week I've been pretty good at fixing that.

Okay, it's not ringing.

Let's play some more.

It's the RAM hardware upgrade helping.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, yeah.

The video's been holding off pretty...

I think the video's been holding off pretty good tonight.

I don't say so myself.

It's not the studio.

It's the network.

Now live in places that can't handle our power now.

No, they pissed me off.

They banned me.

I unleashed my horde of hackers.

Yeah, it was the triumvirate of DTT hacking plus gangrene and major chaos all together.

Let me try to call this one again because it's not ringing.

Oh, my God.

Dude, that's like the trifecta.

That's the fucking trifecta of doom.

Sure.

Come on down, pal.

I'm going to come down.

I'm going to make you eat those needles too, buddy.

All right.

Come on down.

How do you get these things out?

Well, how can you get these things out, man?

Removal.

That's the only thing I know.

Dude, you need to make this right.

I ain't making shit right.

I didn't do fucking nothing wrong.

Well, you're covering for Jake, then.

Either you're Jake's or you're Jake's dad.

I don't know fucking Jake.

Can you change Jake to Bruce?

Because if not, I'm going to divorce her, man.

Well, I should.

Women, should you?

Well, she shouldn't fill out a form.

Molly and Tiger Louie.

Are there any other shows on the Madhouse site, like Gangrene and Prankmaster?

No, nothing.

That's just us.

I don't think I ever want to go, like, the network route.

I'll leave that to the people of Syndicate and all that.

I just want to do my thing.

I mean, in the past, we've had that, right, Milkman?

man we had um what's his face and he's in iraq now um he was checking in with me uh last week

uh god what the hell's his name turd burglar he and homegrown did one yeah what's right you and

homegrown did a few shows yeah homegrown used to do shows on here and uh turd burglar used to do

shows on here when he was before he got uh he got the send out to iraq again and who those kids the

monkey the monkey the monkey boner kids they used to do a couple shows down there jupe jupe and

monkey phone yeah they used to do shows on here sometimes

they did a couple shows

yeah they did a few shows but that's it

everyone said a while back in the day like

Tuck actually has always said

he's wanted to but he never got a chance to because of his

bandwidth issues but he's always welcome to

but no

nothing like that just Madhouse that's it

this is just our thing basically

we do our show live on this stream and then

we play 24-7 after that

we just play Madhouse pranks and

old shows nothing big

these moments of Madhouse

Yeah, well, I think, I mean, if I'm paying the money for it, I might as well, you know, use it.

Hang on, we're calling Tokyo again.

Yep.

Oh, no, but she said that she was coerced to sign it under alcohol arrest.

Oh, what the fuck ever.

I'm going to put on you.

You're going to have to close your business down.

I'm going to take all your business away.

You know what?

She's got the fuck, we've got the damn paperwork here that she signed saying she wasn't drunk.

So bring it on, motherfucker.

I just forced her to write down on a piece of paper that it was your fault.

that it says Jake did the tattoo with his name on it.

Fine and dandy.

It's going to work out for in court.

Well, no, it's where it's going to work out.

The hardcore Knox, buddy.

A signed paper.

It could be a signed paper.

It's a secret box.

See the back of your car.

I want to have a secret box.

What the hell is a hardcore to Knox?

School of hard Knox?

Is that what I was trying to say?

Thank you.

I'm from Tokyo, New York.

I'm a leader in the body.

Shut up.

Mushy, mushy.

Hi, are you an American English speaker?

Yes, this is New Greenville. How may I help you?

Oh, this is Vagina Jones. How are you doing?

I'm good. How are you doing?

Do you remember Vagina Jones?

Uh, I'm sorry?

Do you remember me? I'm Vagina Jones.

Mr. Vagina Jones?

Yeah, you remember me?

Uh, I'm sorry. Uh, how do you spell your name?

Uh, Vagina, V-A-G-I-N-A.

Mm-hmm.

Last name Jones, J-O-N-E-S.

J-O-N-E-S.

Vagina Jones.

V-A-G-I-N-A.

V-A-G-I-N-A

V-A

Yeah

V-I-A

No, V, like Victor

Uh-huh

Like you even know a Victor

How do you spell Victor, do you know?

Uh-huh, yes

Okay, good

Spell it to me, spell Victor

V-I-C-O-V-I

No, no, no, you messed it up, no

Try it again, baby, sound that out with me, come on

V, Victor

Victor, yeah, how do you spell it?

Victor, V-I-C

T.

Uh-huh.

T.

Uh-huh.

There you go.

Or R.

You missed the T.

Did you say T?

Did you say T, guys?

T-I-C-T-O-R.

There you go, Victor.

Yes.

So that's me.

I'm Vagina Jones.

V-A-G-I-N-A Jones.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

Do you remember we talked a few months ago?

Remember I came in?

Do you remember that?

I'm sorry.

Do you remember who did you talk to?

I talked to you.

You're the English speaker, right?

There's many English speakers here.

Well, I'm looking.

There was a beautiful lady that I talked to.

And I...

Uh-huh.

Do you know what oral sex is?

Do you know what that is?

I'm sorry.

Like, do you remember?

Like, how does she look like?

Well, you remember.

If it was me.

If you got oral sex from me, you would remember what I was like.

What do you mean, what does she look like?

She looks like you all look the same.

Squinty eyes, yellow skin, black hair.

Uh-huh.

You know her?

Because we are Japanese, so like all of us look like that.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's true, isn't it?

That's why I love you girls, though.

Thank you very much.

So was it you, the girl that I went down on?

I'm sorry?

Are you the girl that I went down on last time?

I'm sorry, is that called for a reservation?

Well, yeah, but I wanted to make reservations, but I wanted to make sure that I could see you again.

There was a woman I went down, I performed oral sex on a woman there.

And I'm wondering if you...

I'm sorry, just a moment, please, sir.

Okay.

May I text you a hold?

I suppose so.

I'll text you.

Okay.

Okay, just a moment, please.

Mushy, mushy.

Hey, Dino, what's the password again? I lost it.

I need the numbers, a part of it, if you're listening.

I got it.

Because G-Wiz sent me the password by text, and he left out one of the numbers.

Okay, I'm the manager of the restaurant. I can help you.

I want to talk to the woman.

Well, I can help you, sir.

No, no, no.

I don't understand, but she didn't get what you want.

Well, I performed oral sex on a woman there a few months ago who worked there,

and I was trying to meet up with her again.

What?

I performed oral sex on a woman who works there who took my reservation a few months ago,

and I was back in Tokyo, and I wanted to meet up with her again for more oral sex.

I don't think you're in the right place.

No, this is the New York Grill in Tokyo, right?

Yes. Do you have the name of the girl?

Well, I mean, I don't remember her name.

She was a Japanese girl.

Do you have any...

Is she there?

I don't think so.

If you don't have the name,

I cannot give you the girl.

Well, do you know who the girl is

that lets guys perform oral sex on her there a lot?

I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot...

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, maybe...

I don't think one of my girls...

I don't think one of my girls do that.

Mm-hmm.

I did.

We went into my hotel room.

It was really good, man.

Have you ever had oral sex before?

Like, have you ever done that to a woman?

Are you all right?

Huh?

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm serious.

Do you think you're funny or what?

I'm very funny, man.

Hey, you know what's funny?

You know what's funny?

Tell me.

We kicked your ass in World War II.

That's what's funny, you bastard.

We taught you a lesson, didn't we, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, come attack Pearl Harbor again.

You know what we're going to do next time?

We're going to drop five of those fuckers on you.

Okay, guy.

Yeah.

We'll take care of you, yeah?

You go to Wickedle's raid.

That's what I want you to look up to.

All right?

All right, mate.

You have a good time, yeah?

Can I do oral sex on you?

Yeah, please.

Come.

Come and see me.

Like a small piece

Yeah you come and see me okay

Because the Japanese

You come at the New York real

And you come and talk to me okay

Not on the phone

For oral sex

If you're a man

You come here

And you talk to me

Oh if you're a man

And I will kick your ass man

I'm gonna stab you

With my Bushido blade

I feel sorry for you

I feel sorry for your mother

Don't talk about my mother

You dickhead

Your mother's right here

Next to me

You have

Two dollars

Eighty seven

Ten

That

That insult works

All over the world

Doesn't it folks

I'm gonna go in

I'm gonna break in

You're not going to have any proof.

You're going to break in here.

I'm going to break in.

I'm going to steal the files.

I'm going to shred them.

You're not breaking in here.

Yeah, so when it happens, what are you going to do?

When I shred your files, what are you going to do?

You ain't going to get in here, cocksucker.

So don't even fucking threaten me.

How am I not going to get in there, dude?

How do you know?

Dude, I'll be sitting here fucking waiting on you.

I was sleeping, this motherfucker.

I'm going to send you up, man.

I'll go in there.

Whatever.

You know what?

I was in fucking Invasion of Panama.

I'm fucking hardcore, man.

All right.

I'll go in there like a...

I'm glad you're hardcore.

Yeah, I'm going to go in there like a ninja.

I'm going to take all your...

I'm going to shred your papers in front of you.

And you'll be like, oh, no, Bruce, don't do it.

Don't do it again, Bruce.

Don't do it.

I'm going to take the tattoo machine.

I'm going to put it right on your face.

It's going to say...

Calm down, Bruce.

You want me to come down?

If you've got a problem, you come down and talk to me.

I'm going to come down and make you send all the...

It's pretty easy to be tough on the fucking phone.

Look, I'm writing right now.

It says right here on this paper, my name is Jake, and I am guilty.

And I'm making an X and a line.

You're going to sign your name after the X right there.

Dude, I am not Jake.

Well, when you sign the paper that says your name is Jake,

then you're guilty.

Because apparently we signed the paper and then, you know,

oh, yeah, I could be in there high off my ass on amphetamines and huffing paint and tile adhesive.

And I could sign a paper that says, oh, no, I just want my tattoo for agricultural purposes.

It says, I'm not drunk, but I got that.

And all of a sudden, you're like Pontius Pilate, washing your hands, huh?

Well, it doesn't work like that.

This is America.

I don't know from what country you came over from.

You sound like you're a damn Muslim.

Where did you come from, huh?

What country?

Oh, eat shit.

Coming over here and taking all our jobs from India, you bastards.

Why don't you go back to your own country, man?

I don't know who the fuck it is.

You're a tattoo artist.

Oh, yeah.

You old bastard.

Yeah, I'm sure you...

Listen to me talk, fucking Muslim.

You have, like, some accent there.

Or maybe it's a gay affliction to your voice, maybe.

Oh, you're a cocksucker.

Hey, put your girlfriend on the line over there.

I'll give her a good tossing, too.

No, is that right?

There's a woman over there.

Who the fuck is this?

This is Bruce, man.

The guy who's going to go in there, I'm going to shred all your papers.

Bruce, I about had it with you.

All right, sir.

Put that girl on the phone, man.

I'm horny.

No, you don't need to talk to anybody but me.

No, but I want to talk.

Why are you cock-blocking me, man?

I'm going to let you off easy if you let me talk to the girl.

You're just a bitch, and why do you want to fuck around with your wife?

Ask her over there, because she's got Jake's name, your name.

So tell her.

I am not Jake.

Tell her to talk me off in the background.

All right, he hung up already.

That was funny.

All right, and we're back on Syndicate.

Just in time to end the show.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Fuckos.

Goodbye.

Good night.

Thank you, and good night, everybody.

All right, now, seriously, we'll do one more prank.

You want to see my parents?

Saigon says DTT's using Flight Simulator to train.

I don't know.

DTT said he's disappeared for four months.

Somebody needs to fix a topic in there in the syndicate.

I wish DTT would call in.

There's always a podcast that they're going to hear within the week.

That's true.

DTT, you can call in now.

Tell us how you're making out with your flight simulator lessons.

Yeah, DTT, call in.

Tell us where you're going for four months.

He's like, I asked him, I was like, where are you going for?

He's like, I'm leaving for four months.

Okay, so what's going on?

Are you going to Lebanon to visit your family?

Are you going on vacation?

He's like no I'm getting my roof redone

Or my house renovated

It's going to take four months

To get your house done or something

That's like a quarter of a

That's like a third of a year

I'm like dude come on man

What the hell

Somebody is getting ripped off

Well what I hear

And this is Milkman if you please

I know we do have breaking news here

According to the news that we have here

I'm going to read this here

This is just off the wire

Regarding DTT

Apparently, DTT will be going into the mountainous tribal region of the Pakistani-Afghani border

for four months for al-Qaeda training.

Long way.

Come on, long way.

Wow.

You heard it here first, everybody.

Madhouse Radio News.

I hope that al-Qaeda training is as good as his hacking skill.

I hope so.

DTT will be learning about different classes such as chemistry, bomb making, mine deployment,

and, I don't know, gases.

There's no al-Qaeda.

There's no planes.

And lying to American interrogators.

DTT.

Poor DTT.

We pick on him a lot, but we love him.

There's no such thing.

It's all fake.

I love DTT.

The planes were all holograms.

Okay, whatever.

I don't buy that.

What I buy...

You my parrot?

Do you have a parrot?

No.

What's this?

Is that a joke?

Hello, hello?

I'm the dead E.T.

A lot.

Okay.

Right on.

Lonesome Loser just left the chat room.

That's not a good sign.

Lonesome Loser leaves.

We all lose.

Okay, let's do one more prank call and we're out of here.

Let me see if there's any other prank calls I can play here from recent.

Let's play this one here from Hollywood, this one last week,

while I set up the last prank call of the night.

Thanks for listening, everybody.

How are you doing tonight?

Oh, it's just wonderful.

Hey, I've got a viewer to ask.

Are you busy right now?

Clear your mind completely, okay?

We're live on the air right now, and I'm going to attempt the air wear.

On 98.6, the mouth, friend.

Here's your hand, all right?

You got it?

Now, I want you to go and stop at any card.

Pardon your mind right now.

You got that card?

I do.

What card were you thinking of?

You tell me, you're the illusionist.

Well, no, no, this is the trick.

What card were you thinking of?

Say, man, I'm telling you, I am one of the best illusionists in the world.

Don't want me.

Hey, Dorian, I take...

A lot quicker than I thought it was going to be.

All right, we'll play a song here.

Yeah, have you heard of Mississippi?

Have you heard of Murray Waters?

That bitch.

Let's mix it on with our own...

Keep it back of your card.

Stupid ass Jimmy Hender.

Make his ass, too.

Tony Little.

I think it's going the wrong side.

I know, right?

Shit.

Who does he think he is?

Hello?

Hi, what's going on, sweetie?

It's Terrence.

May I speak with Terrence, please?

Hello?

Who's he at the moment?

Who's that?

No, this is Ralph.

Ralph Littlejohn.

Did I catch you at a bad time?

Yes, at the moment.

It's a bit early.

Oh, did you wake up before this or after this?

You're right.

Sorry, I don't know who you are.

Oh, good.

Have you ever had pancakes?

I want some pancakes so bad.

You know how long it's been?

I might go to IHOP this weekend.

again i can't have maple syrup milkman i'm diabetic were you trying to kill me or something

no

Well, I want you to do it every day.

No, I can't even, but it gives me a wicked headache.

It makes me thirsty for the rest of the day if I even think about doing that.

But I'll tell you what, IHOP does carry the Smucker's.

Flattered butter.

That I do, but the Smucker's sugar-free syrup is actually pretty good if you serve it cold.

If not, if you serve the sugar-free syrup room temperature, it's actually really watery and nasty.

But if you serve it cold, it's a little hard, you know?

Hard.

And it's actually pretty much like real stuff.

Who's playing porno in the background?

What the hell is that?

I heard porno.

So are you saying you like it hard?

I do.

I like my syrup hard.

Hey.

Okay, fuck it!

All right.

Milkman, take us out of here, man.

I'm tired.

It's one o'clock.

All right, man.

I'll tell you what, man.

It's been a good show.

Got me busting my gut.

That's right, man.

I like to thank all our friends out there.

Hey, guys over there, it's your syndicate.

Thanks a lot for tuning in.

Sorry we had to interrupt this.

Please contact your nearest Dino or any representative of Syndicate Radio TV

and make your complaints known and let them know that you love the manhouse

and that you'll be glad to tune back in next week

because we're sure glad to have all you crazy bastards over there.

That's right.

All our friends out here at 96.8 points.

We love you.

Thanks so much.

Our chat room is packed tonight.

We had all our old friends back at work.

Good Dad, Ging Lee, ETT, Ellie, all of our friends, Chuck, all you crazy bastards right there.

We love you. Thanks for coming back because this sure did a good time.

California, a lot of good old friends.

Tag on, MSCC, Clay.

Thank you for joining us.

We sure have had a good time and hope you enjoyed our time here in the Madhouse.

I'd like to thank Mr. Ted Webb, Mr. Webb, Mr. Todd, thank you so much.

Thank you, James Lee and all of our fans here.

Baz, our local constituent there.

And yes, we took the plan.

Thank you so much for joining in.

Hey, also, you.

That's right.

You listen to this right now coming out of the madhouse.

We love you.

You know what?

It's all about you.

We do that.

It's the most interactive live show right here on the internet

where you can call in and give us your take on the fun

and you can take the show to make us laugh

and everybody can enjoy and share.

That's right, invite a friend.

Bring back a friend next week.

Invite an enemy.

Give us your number.

We'll have some fun right here in the Madhouse South because you know why we love you.

And it's all due to our great service leader right here in the Madhouse.

General Ricino, the militia, the leader of the militia right here.

General Ricino, thank you, Armada, for having me on.

We love you, brother.

Thank you so much.

And God bless you and the lady, Tina.

Well, thank you, Milkman.

Very nice of you.

Of course, a big thanks to Lonesome Loser.

I see he stepped out

maybe it was too late

for him

but yeah

thanks to Lone Star Loser

and everybody who listened

a lot of people

listened tonight

we had fun didn't we

Milkman

yes we did

yeah man

I had a great time

thank you so much

Lone Star Loser

my friend

I'm sorry you got out

there so soon

but we did enjoy

having you around

as always man

my gosh we couldn't

do it without you

our numbers hit man

God bless

Lone Star Loser

long live the man

excuse me

Dino's reminding

everybody to subscribe

to the

Syndicate YouTube

youtube channel i want to invite people to do the same here madhouse radio does have a youtube

channel as well now you can subscribe to those details are over at the website where you should

visit check out our madhouse live.com website you can check out our podcast prank archives

newsletter forums all that good shite um also be sure everyone to check out tucker mike.com

that's tucks website thank you tuck for being in here with us tonight appreciate it as always

I want to thank Baz who was on with us earlier

and I also want to thank

I also want to thank Ingrid

thank you man

good stuff man

and of course all the listeners

and it was good to see people like

Fall California and some of the older people

show up for the first time in a long time

Welcome back to fall.

And killa.

Killa.

Yeah, man.

The old crowd.

We're out of here, folks.

We will catch you next week.

Thank you, everybody.

And also, of course, SyndicateRadio.tv.

All right.

Yeah.

You got five minutes.

Meet me in bed.

Literally.

Okay.

Literally.

Hey.

Stop it.

Don't break the end of it.

Stop it.

The radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Are you fucking serious?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (13, 48 min of 2 h 35 min)

Transcript

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