2008-08-07 Show (part 1)

Who the fuck is this?

You are listening to the House Radio Podcast.

You've all been waiting for Mr. Soul.

So what do you say let's all get together and welcome him to the stand with a great big hand.

What's up? Good evening. We're back.

Be freaking due everybody. Madhouse Radio is back for another go at it.

Another poke at my living the dream tonight.

With me here as always is Milkman from the Virgin Islands.

Checking in today from some undisclosed location.

What's up, Milkman? How you doing, man?

Man, he's out on the road again,

sticking around on the big blue raft.

He's looking for some partners to join in.

Yeah, maybe later on we'll call some there, huh?

What do you say there, Mr. Johnson?

I say nothing. I have nothing to say to that.

Who else do we have?

Well, I'm glad you got your hat put out there.

You almost caught the famous captain hat on fire.

fire so be careful there with debbie flames my friend i don't have the captain let me get the

captain's hat on it wasn't even on there we go now it's on that's better always do better with

the uh the captain's hat here of course tuck is here also from the great state of tennessee

what's up tuck show your titties this is the word the phrase that pays tonight show your titties

thank you

that's all you guys say

all you ladies out there

do what the man says

make him happy

I see a lot of

we got a lot of people

joining us here tonight

the streams are growing here

we got a lot of people

at Syndicate

what's up Syndicate

Ken, how you guys doing? SyndicateRadio.tv.

Our good family over there, good to see you.

Hey, how's it going?

Yep, and also, of course, all our friends here over at 98.6 The Mile.

Oh, 98.6 The Mile.

Yeah, I'm feeling right up.

And we love it.

What up?

74 listeners, no video feed on the Madhouse stream.

Look at the hero station it is.

The Madhouse station, we don't have any video feed because Justin is not coming up.

Apparently, they're down right now.

I'll keep trying to hear in there, but...

Fuck that Justin.

Fuck the Justin.

And the Angus.

It says, oh no, Justin TV broke.

Justin.tv, you better be working on that.

Oh no.

Oh no, Justin.tv broke.

So anyway, you guys can still see us.

If you want to see us on video, why don't you just head over to SenecaRadio.tv.

And watch me there.

There's more people.

Lizzy Poo's in there.

You can see the captain himself.

Always some eye candy over there like Lizzy Poo to look at.

Keep you entertained over there.

If you get tired of looking at me.

Yeah, so you're a know-you-what.

You know-whats.

You know what?

So, guy, how's your week been, Milkman and Tuck?

You guys been okay?

Hey, man, I've had a pretty good week.

I'm down a little bit with bronchitis.

Back out of it.

So if you hear me, I haven't been doing up all the reclutes because I just got a little bit of a sinus infection here.

But speaking of reclute, where is that factor?

But other than that, I've been doing pretty good.

Reclute's going to be joining us tonight.

Happy to be back doing the madhouse.

Reclute talked to me earlier, and he'll be joining us around 1130 if I go that late.

Definitely will have Reclude in the house tonight

So good, look forward to that

Always good to talk to Brother Reclude

Yeah, I've had an interesting week

So get this

Last night, yesterday rather

I'm sick, you know

I've got a problem, you know, medical issue

And I decided I needed to take a day

To go to the doctor's office

And I go to the doctor's office

And man, I don't see the doctor generally

I see the nurse practitioner

And she was like ultra cunty yesterday

for some reason she really ticked me off she needed to give me an injection and then she calls

in the authorization for the injection insurance company denies it for some weird reason i'm like

what the hell she's like yeah i was gonna give you that injection but i can't so i'm gonna just

prescribe you these meds instead i can't do the injection you're gonna have to take 10 pills

take two a day for five days drop it off at the pharmacy pick it up whatever so i'm like okay so

So I go to the pharmacy, to the Walmart pharmacy, because they only cost like four bucks over there.

I figure that's the best thing to do, take it to the Walmart pharmacy.

And I drop off my script, and I head home so I can call the insurance company

so I can figure out, well, what the hell's going on with my insurance company.

So I'm on the phone with the insurance company for like an hour.

They got a whole big frickin' nightmare.

And I'm in pain, everybody.

I'm in a lot of pain.

I'm just like, you know, had I gotten this injection, you know,

I probably wouldn't be getting out of this pain here any moment now.

I just really want to get this taken care of.

so they finally clear it all up get me all cleared up so i can finally go and pick up my

prescription i get in my car and i head over to you know to the walmart it's about about a mile

and a half away from my house and i'm close enough to the walmart sitting at a turning light turn

left i'm in the left turn left turning lane minding my own business waiting for my green

light so i can turn left go through the drive-thru to pick up my prescription at the walmart

our neighborhood market and sure enough not a woman driver sitting there turning right and all

of a sudden and i literally tell you i'm literally just sitting there ladies and germs i'm just

literally just sitting there in my car waiting to turn left in my own private little left turning

lane and all of a sudden this woman in her 89 silver mercedes is ends up right in front of me

she's turning right to go the opposite way and she's right in front of me she stops for a second

second and a half and i see her and i honk my horn at her and instead of does she back up does

she swerve does she correct herself no no she just goes straight through and hits my car head on

and fucking destroys my car so here it is not only did i have to miss a day of work financially i'm

in no position to be losing a day yeah yesterday was really really freaking bad yeah so so that

That was my day yesterday.

I'm hoping that everybody knows.

Damn, son.

So here's my car.

If you're looking on the video right now, that's what's left of my vehicle right there.

So, yeah, I banged up my knees pretty bad in the process.

My knees are, I mean, I can walk, but they did get, I haven't told anybody.

I haven't told Athena, but I should probably listen now.

I'm worried, but I did bang my knees.

Did they give you some good shit, like some quaaludes or anything?

No, you know, I'm stupid.

I should have, the first thing I should have said, I should have come out and been like,

Like, oh, my back, my back, my neck.

And I would have been on some nice shit.

Ah, I can't feel my feet.

Yeah, I could have gotten some Percocets or something.

But no, I decided to be honest and not say.

But I swear to God, the first thing I should have done was like, oh, my neck, my back, my neck, my back.

Oh, God.

I'd be happy right now.

But no, no.

Did not do that.

He needs an injection.

Demerol.

Morphine.

then this this woman she tried to lie and say that it was my fault that i was in her lane i was like

uh-huh so i was going down the wrong way on the road the cop caught her in a lie like the cop

like completely caught her the cop went all the way to the intersection picked up the debris from

the road came back to her and said man my caught you in a lie you know that's a that's a that's a

that's a charge i could cut you on a charge right now yeah so it was it was deemed her fault

completely so the cop caught her lying yeah the cop told her straight up she's like at first the

she told the cop that she hit me from behind and there was no damage to the back of my car she hit

me from the front and so the cop went to the he didn't see the front of my car he just saw the

back and he's like so where's the damage and like the front of the car and he's like well uh she's

saying that you're in front of her i was like no and i showed him the front of the car i was like

like okay and he went to her and he came back and he said well she says that you were in her lane

and that you know that you were moving and you got in her lane and i was like look man i was

sitting i didn't move at all i didn't move an inch i had my foot on the brake the whole time

all i know is i was sitting there waiting for my light and she plowed right into me

and she's like arguing she's like no he was in my lane i was turning he was in my lane

So the trooper, literally, he got in his squad car, he drove out to the intersection where it happened,

stopped all the traffic, put his lights on, walked out to the middle of the intersection

to where the turning lane is, and saw the Honda emblem, which I'll show you the picture again.

And the miracle was that this is, of all the things that could have fallen off my car...

Look at that, I just figured out how to start recording the show.

Look at that, it doesn't matter.

I don't even feel like doing a show tonight, folks.

I'm still sick

I'm not 100% right now

And I'm in a really piss poor mood

I had a really bad week

But I'm here for you guys

Lonesome Losers sending in a lot of numbers

We'll go ahead and tackle some of those here

And of course

What was that?

Oh yeah I forgot to record the shoutcast

Nunu wants us to call Olga Vivas

Oh dear

You know I've never had luck with Olga

She's not really good at that

In like 5 minutes

So if you're going to call her you better do it

That's what Mooney sent me a message to pass along.

Yeah, I got it.

Yeah, he sent me the number, too.

Let me call Olga Vivas.

Maybe you should tell me about buffering.

I don't know why.

I thought.

And I'm not, I don't understand why it is, but it's.

I'll try to fix it.

Hang on.

Shouldn't be buffering a lot.

Maybe the bandwidth requirements went up from one of our services.

Now I'm live or something.

I may require more bandwidth.

No, it shouldn't.

I don't know why.

I think I just fixed it.

I think I saw what it was.

I had something running in the background there.

Wasn't paying attention.

Ah.

And you just said, turn off my porn torrents.

I don't even know who needs porn torrents anymore.

You just go to, like, one of those porn websites.

Like, what, Xtube and Tube6 and RedTube.org and all those right there.

Did we lose?

Did we lose Syndicate now?

Jesus Christ.

I killed the wrong one.

I killed the Syndicate.

Fuck me, man.

That was a knock-down process, I think, we discovered.

Hang on, guys.

Just sit, shut down, just call it off.

Abort, abort mission.

Ryan, turn back the show.

Yeah, I'm getting ready to terminate it.

Oh, my God.

The Terminator, huh?

Should I plug Tucker Mike before I get terminated?

I always terminate them.

All right, we're back.

Sorry about that, folks.

I X'd out the wrong thing.

Whoops, my bad.

I X'd out.

Who's asking the name of this group?

This group here?

These are instrumentals by MF Doom.

Look up MF Doom, a very talented rap artist.

Anyway, I'm back.

Sorry about that.

Saigon says that Saigon 15s with the back blow drive on them.

I don't know.

Dude, I keep all my stuff stock.

I don't customize anything.

I put in a new stereo in it.

That's all I did.

I took out the stock radio and put in a CD player.

That's the only thing I customize in that thing.

I'm not into customizing anything in my cars.

I could give a crap lot.

The worst thing to invest in is your car, man, because your car, the second you get in your car and you drive it off the lot, it goes down in value like by 20%, man.

Who cares?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You lost $5,000

as soon as you get in it.

It's just a lot of bullshit.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It's just a bunch of crap.

I mean, you try to take that car back,

you've only lost $5,000

off of what you paid for it.

Yep.

That's right.

Okay, let's do a prank call.

Let's call Olga Vivas here

for Nunu.

She's a feminist lady, apparently.

A feminist,

from what I understand.

Nunu only has feminists

or old codgers being called.

Or fat people, apparently.

All right, here we go.

Here we go.

Fat people.

First prank of the night.

One more.

It's going straight to voicemail, Nunu.

I'll give it another shot in a second.

Olga Vivas.

Thank you, Nunu, for that work with number.

Thank you, Nunu, for wasting her time.

We'll try it later.

Maybe she might just be on the line or something.

We'll give it a shot later.

Let's see what we got here from Lonesome Loser.

Let me see here.

And, of course, you want to send your request, you can do so.

My AOL Messenger is up.

And Yahoo Messenger as well.

You can reach me on Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, you can reach me over at madhouseatlive.com.

I come straight here to my desk atop.

And you can also email me at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Why don't you just go over to the website madhouselive.com while you're at it,

and you can send your prank request right there using the Request a Prank form.

A free service brought to you tonight by madhousemunchies.com.

We haven't had them as a sponsor here in a while.

It's good to hear from them.

They've been missing for a while, haven't they?

Once again, that is madhousemunchies.com.

Milkman, you're on mute?

I don't know.

There you go.

Now you're back.

You're the one on mute.

I think I am.

You were, now you're not.

Now I hear myself.

I don't know what to tell you.

Oh, okay.

No, I was saying in Nunez's defense, he did send the number in early,

and then he said that she's going to bed in five minutes.

So the only thing I can say is Nunez, don't give us five minutes to call in,

and the beginning of the show takes at least ten minutes to get going.

But thanks for the nice attempt.

Yeah, we'll try it later.

Here's a caller.

Caller, you're on the line.

This is my producer of the show.

Julia, what's up?

I'm wondering, do you sell hot to camels?

No, actually, we just do the plug-in kind, you know, where you plug in the menorah.

Uh-huh.

And then every day you turn off one of the lights, you unscrew one of the bulbs.

I was with the background chat over there, Milkman.

We talked about this.

Are you sure you can talk?

Jesus Christ, you guys are all freaking me out now.

What's going on?

Who's talking?

I want some control in here.

Local man, you're not muted.

You're on the air.

Is it Kyan or Cyan?

I don't know.

See, I'm trying to get rid of that shitty name.

Well, pick a new one.

By the way, I'm on syndicateradio.tv.

I am on my camera.

That's you?

No.

You're a nice looking guy.

Look at y'all.

You look so happy.

Aw.

What's with the white shirt, though?

The white tee.

What's that about?

Because I never leave the house.

You got a microphone?

Any game.

Somebody here in this room needs to change a chore,

Or, if you haven't already, on the syndicate radio.

How do you do that?

The rating up here?

You don't know how to do that.

Okay.

Well, then those who are saying that can just shut the fuck up.

I have to.

Hang on.

Let me see how I do it.

I bet you it's settings.

I don't know what head ratings are now.

That's news to me.

Show your titties.

Well, yeah.

I was saying some really suggestive justice.

I dropped a block to sending it through.

Oh, crap.

Well, there we go.

I just changed it to mature.

Rated M for mature.

All right.

There we go.

What's up, 8-5?

I don't know.

You know what that means?

Now you can show us your titties, do it, come on.

No, I don't know.

Show us your titties, come on.

I'm going to hit up on you if you don't.

Hold on, hold on.

Show your titties.

I'll hang up first.

Boys, show your titties.

I wanted to see the guy's titties, what the fuck?

What's up with Pierre?

Someone show their titties.

Hey, everybody, show your titties.

He's not showing anything.

What a fucking cock tease that guy, man.

I just want to see some man titties.

Yeah, there we go, all right.

Ho, ho, ho.

That's what I'm talking about.

Don't be embarrassed, man.

All right.

Anyway, next prank.

You know, Cyan, Cyan, Cyan Pepper, you should have stayed on the line, Mr. Prankster.

We could have done a prank call, but no, I guess not.

Too late now.

You wasted your only call of the night.

You only get one call, like in jail.

Remember that when you get arrested for propositioning an undercover cop in a truck stop?

You only get one call, so make it count.

Make sure you have your lawyer on speed dial.

I think you can call your lawyer as much as you want, though.

Anyway, Stage Stop Casino

We haven't called a casino here in a while

Let's do that

Bing, bing, bing, bing

Here we go, folks

Nevada

Right now, technically 3D was

Stage Stop, this is Lynn, can I help you?

Hi, is this the casino?

You always have a confusion there

With the casino, and it's a bar

And it's a casino

Well, we're called a casino

We have a full gaming license, but we don't

The chips, the game chips?

No, we don't.

You mean chips?

There's a special game called chips.

No, we don't.

That's when I take a bucket of the, you know, when you win, you win a bucket, you know, full of quarters, right?

No, we don't have that.

So what comes out?

The chips?

No, ours.

What the hell do you play for?

Coins.

Coins is a cash is a coin.

For money.

Paper money?

So what do you win back?

More papers?

You get $100 in paper cash money.

But, so I got to play, that's not fair.

What if I only want to play a quarter at a time?

Put in a dollar and you can play a quarter at a time.

But you can't put a quarter in.

Our machines don't take coins.

It sounds to me like it's a ripoff.

Because if I want to play 75 cents, and then all you're going to give me back is,

you're going to say, oh, well, you've got to play another quarter.

More money, more money.

Well, you know what?

Have that quarter back.

They're not a ripoff.

I've got one of the slot machines, and I'll choke the shit out of it on the floor, I guess,

until it starts giving me some fucking money.

That's what I'm going to do.

Well, you've got right ahead.

Yeah, I'm gonna push all the buttons and there's nothing you can do about it.

I'm Jack from the United States of America, and I hate rivers, and you have disrespect.

You did this.

I said I would, and I'll do it.

God damn it.

Who are you?

I'm so pissed off at your titties.

Your titties again.

Chubby guy.

What's his name?

Diane Briggs.

Place a call.

Hey, boy.

Yo, yo.

Hey.

Yo, yo, titties.

Chubby boy.

Like I'm one to talk.

Hey, boy.

Hey, dagger boy.

You're such a guy.

You have the liver.

Yeah, boy.

I'm just gonna keep driving my car like that for five minutes.

I don't care.

I wasn't gonna call back

That's why she's so jealous of me

She had him cut out

She had a

Oh fuck

Whatever

I think that

That Mr. C is waving at you there

Is he?

Alright that's good Mr. C

Dude this is all laying down

Like

Like Socrates

Oh my god dude

This is getting pornographic already

It looks like Socrates

Getting ready to drink

The poison hemlock over there man

Jeez

I think it's easier to insert the glass door door that way.

Yeah.

Oh God, Milkmanic, are you so nasty?

Oh, now he's rubbing his nipples.

Stop it.

Let's do another call.

Man, how do I need his camera?

Hang on.

All right.

Let's see what else we got.

Let's call another casino.

Talk fair enough.

We want to see a haircut.

He's not this guy.

Oh my God.

Now he's going to throw the blade down.

That's in there.

Blah, blah, blah.

All right.

Anyway.

Yeah, I'm watching, man.

I'm seeing the nastiness over there.

We're going to call right now the Lucky...

No, we're going to call the Lucky 13 Pizza.

Lucky 13 Pizza, everybody.

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere.

Keep listening.

Please.

13?

That's a very unruly...

That's a bad number.

You know why they say 13 is unlucky?

Because on the 13th day, at the 13th hour, at the 13th minute, you know who died?

Jesus Christ.

Really?

That's why they call it lucky.

It was the 13th day.

13 p.m.?

13 days in the week uh no back there were a king james version because man it was bad luck

what do you think what else you got there you got the hamburgases sandwiches and stuff you have um

it's like salamis salamis you have like a deli there we make sandwiches can i get a hamburger

pizza with extra deli what was that a pizza with extra deli what's deli you know put some deli on

You want to order something for real, or are you just wasting my time?

I want a deli pizza.

You got, like, stuff from your deli you put on top of the pizza.

She hung up on me.

See what I mean?

These women.

I hope I get women all night.

I'm going to fuck with these women all night.

Oh, man.

Raw dog.

Ramen?

Raw squirrel of women tonight, man.

Shout out to Kenny.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Next call coming up.

Here's one we can call the Stage Shop Casino.

Just a moment.

Show your old titties, guys, it's hard on the throat.

Yes.

Time to get some juice.

All right, sign.

Now you're starting to freak me out with the you want cog.

That's it.

No, not that.

We're a very homo-friendly show here, but we don't get in.

We don't go that far.

No, no, no, no.

No, no.

I mean, Tuck might do it, but watch me serenade this lady.

What's wrong with a deli pizza?

I'd go for a deli pizza.

Put some cold cuts on that.

American cheese.

Arm cheese.

That's a good idea, Lizzie.

I might do that this week.

Babe.

See nothing wrong with a little bump and grime.

Where's that old lady at?

That's a stink.

I'm going to keep fucking with those guys all night.

I don't care.

Wow.

Jeez.

I'm Jack.

That's just a callback.

Yeah, now.

Oh, you wanted your quarters?

I'm going to be very sorry for his brother.

He was supposed to order pizza.

His mother, Jack Valente, was supposed to order pizza for him, and he's very sorry now.

Yeah, that got scary.

I got...

And he made me cry a little bit.

I got the damn face below my head, motherfucker.

How you spell piss past T-L?

It sounds just like him.

He's just going to spell business like S-T-E-A-O.

Mouth breathing fucking redneck idiot.

I'm going to call the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino now.

Breathing people.

Bunch of morons.

Mouth breathers.

Play that music, you mouth breather.

I seem to have a problem.

And it seems to have been stolen.

And I don't know how you guys have access to security cameras.

Yes, in the poker room, sir.

My God.

Hang on just a minute.

Jesus, okay.

Is that working, man?

You're like Bubba.

For Johnson's, oh lord.

Who this is? Let me get you somebody to see.

I forgot my skin on, man.

The Richie-O over there.

Dude,

sir.

Sir, I went down there and had a large sum of money, and it's gone missing.

What did you have it at?

It was in my wallet.

I have my wallet, and there's no money left in my wallet.

I did take my wallet out on several occasions.

Do you guys have a camera?

You know you're supposed to have a camera system there.

It records everything.

Okay.

I need you to come down here and talk to me personally.

My name is Larry.

Well, I need access to the videos in the video room.

You will never get access to the videos.

I have Italian people who are going to access all the videos.

You need to come down here and see me personally.

Sir, you don't understand.

I put my money on the table, and the next thing I know...

I understand what you're telling me.

I lost a huge bet, and the money was gone.

And I don't think that's fair.

I got a baby to feed.

So I'm getting my money back, Mr. Italian.

Mr. what?

Mr. Italian.

I know this is a mob town.

I know how you guys operate.

Sir, when you're ready to come see me, you come see me.

My name is Larry.

Goodbye.

I want my money back, fucking Italian.

to place a call.

I'm going to warn everyone.

I'm angry at women, Italians, and black people

that sound like, oh, no.

Fuck everybody.

Fuck them all.

Tennessee.

No hugs tonight.

Well, where's Ted?

We need him.

We need to call him to his mother's job.

Where is Ted?

He's always missing.

I don't know what he thinks he's all.

He thinks he's all too good for us.

Who would talk to my brother like that?

Czar is asking his...

He's playing Bob Villia.

Bob Villia?

Yeah, he's been fixing his house for like a whole...

Like, DTT is going to be fixing his house for like a year or something like that.

Yeah, I've got to close my house down and go fix my house for a year.

Okay.

What's his face?

I think he's going to go ahead and graduate from that Microsoft course he's been taking, too.

Is Douche green yet?

Can we make Douche green already so he'll be happy?

Green!

I don't even know how you do that.

Douche are now green.

I don't even know how to do it, Douche.

We made him green and then he wouldn't shut up.

I don't know how to do it.

But they said no, douche.

Sorry.

Planet goes star sound effect, and it will automatically be green.

How's that?

Wrong one.

I can't find it.

If it was green, it could be green.

Ask him if he'll get on camera with Mr. C.

There you go, green.

Maybe he'll turn him green.

Everyone says no, douche.

Man, I'm trying, but I'm only one person.

This is a democracy here.

This is not a dictatorship.

Zar says, Yo, Carlito, is Team Speak for anyone to join?

I'm going, no, it's only for co-hosts like Tuck and Milkman, of course, the ultimate co-host.

And I don't know.

I was asked to join.

Oh, thank you, brother.

Actually, you begged me for like months.

I begged you.

Please, Tuck, come on, please.

Milkman scares me.

Please.

Yeah, so I don't know.

Hey, guys, if you guys want to call in, the lines are open.

It's 1-888-278-85...

Jonathan was calling.

You see that, Milkman?

Jonathan was trying to call in.

We missed his call.

No, that was on August 1st.

Never mind, that was last week.

No, we didn't see it.

Oh, that was tonight.

He tried to call in like 41 minutes ago.

I didn't hear the phone ring.

No, Jonathan, if you're listening, call back in, man.

I just looked at the caller ID.

Hey, hey.

Yeah, go on.

I got some latest breaking news here for you.

Oh, my God.

What is it?

I talked to Jonathan.

Jonathan is not driving the short bus right now, and him and his old lady just broke up.

I heard Jonathan's old lady broke up with him.

Yeah, man, that's horrible news, Jonathan.

Sorry, man.

Jonathan, the good news is Mr. C is now available.

Yeah, there you go.

Hook up with Mr. C.

Now that you're free, it's time to experiment a little bit, you know?

Take a load off, why don't you?

Hi.

Fuck it!

All right.

Fuck it!

All right, so we got the Katia's Russian Tea Room here.

Yeah, Czar, don't worry, man.

You know, eventually we're going to have a rotating seat where listeners can maybe join in.

you know, to sit down.

You know, because we have, like, you know,

Baz every once in a while and Brandon Vegas

and people they join into sometimes.

And don't worry, Czar, we'll get to it.

You know, eventually we'll let you sit in on the show, maybe.

As long as your mic's working good, we'll do a test run.

Give us time and we'll get to know you.

Yeah, give us time and, you know, we'll have you sit in on the show.

You're a dedicated listener to the show.

Yeah, well, we'll gladly have you sit in.

Czar's a cool guy, actually.

He's a historian, just like me, actually.

He's a very, very nice dude, actually.

I dig him a lot, yeah.

Cool guy.

Yeah.

Those guys, just to tell you those are, the guys that are in the team speaker,

guys that we've known for about three years, probably at least two and a half years at the least.

It's just kind of like you can have so many people in there before it gets a little bit crazy.

That's why we kind of have some limits on how many people we have.

It doesn't mean that new people, as long as they're cool, they can jump in there.

That's right.

It's always a possibility.

Talented people.

I see Bad Boys of Iowa is in the house right now.

Czar is in there, of course.

The talent, Mr. Ripley.

Clay, Kokanee, Mr. C, of course, is in the house.

Ellie, Big Ellie.

What's up, Big Ellie?

DTT is checking in.

DC Loke.

Oh, my God.

Dunu is in SyndicateRadio.tv.

He goes in there quite a bit, actually, you know.

Where have you been?

Oh, my God.

I was in there early.

Yeah, he's in there a lot.

I never go there, so.

because you've got dialogue, that's why

if you try to go into syndicate

you could be like

die

now what happens is

I can see the chat room

but it's fine

but whatever is showing

I can't hear

I can't hear it

we're going to try

to bring him into the 21st century

all you guys out there

let's submit a new thread to form

let's get talking about $1.50 a month

yeah we'll do that

we'll get him on

he has nothing else

over here

who's over at

Syndicate anyway

Dino

Big Dino

the man himself

the crazy

American Eagle guy

Disturbed is in there

is it Disturbed

or Disturbed D

I always say

Disturbed D

but I never know

what's right

I think it's Disturbed

there's some

Asian looking

girl with black

hair and a ponytail

who is that girl

over there in

camera number 2

that's some

interesting stuff

she looks kind of

Asian

excuse me

that's the girl

that was there

that one time

fairy dust

She was wearing the white outfit a couple weeks ago

Sure, yeah, I remember that

She had the cat

She looks very Asian today

That's not Mr. C

Remember she was showing us her kitty cat

Carlito let me call in once more

I want to do pranks

Well, we'll see about that

Give me a second here

I'm doing shout outs

I'll give you the high sign

Could break the one call a night rule

We'll have to put that to the board

Nah, that's fine

He didn't really do a call

He just was a little goofy

God, that, yeah

K, thanks

in a very straight way

who else is up here, G-Wiz

Seneca Radio, that's me, AMD

is that the real AMD from Britain

or is that another AMD

the anonymous guy, he's in the house

over there, we've been talking a lot during the week

he sent me some Walmart numbers, a whole

Bible of Walmart, he sent me a number for

a pedophile, a former child

actor also, actually, I gotta give that a call

tonight, I promised him

Blitz K, Dank T's in there also

Also, Fairy Dust Pinks in there.

Fetus.

A bunch of guestesses.

The FL Tech.

I don't know.

I'm going blind.

John Rica.

Corrupt.

Corruption.

Kim from Michigan.

Clavin.

Kirk Clavin.

Yep.

Kokanee.

Lizzy Poo.

Yeah.

Milkman.

Hey, there's Milkman in there.

All right.

The Dads checking in.

Monkey Sex.

Mr. Rurak.

Phoenix Fire.

The Piss Juggers in there.

Saigon.

Spinderella.

What I was getting into this thing.

I'm not going to mention everybody.

buddy. You're all going to get your feelings hurt. Veggie burger. Man, you know what? I

don't mind a veggie burger. I actually like veggie burgers. Sometimes I get in the mood

for a veggie burger. That's pretty good, actually. Yeah, they can be pretty good. They're very

high in sodium. They have a steak and shake veggie burger. Burger King has one. If you

ask for it, they'll give you a veggie whopper. Actually, it's a veggie burger patty. It's

really high in sodium. Very high in salt, actually. They use soy in it. A lot of soy

Boy, and that's so high in sodium.

So soy high in sodium.

Wow.

Dip that sucker in the sea.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Anyway, are we calling telemarketers?

I got a good one to call.

Send me the number.

I'll call it.

Yeah.

Jim Hayes has checked in.

What's up, Jimbo?

Good to see you.

Checking in late.

Casually late as always.

Anyway, let's go ahead and call the store formerly known as Game Art in Laguna Beach,

California.

Let's call it out here.

All right, Milkman, you're breathing in the mic.

Stop.

it's not background noise that's that's cool that's oh god

hello is that is that the way you answer the phone yeah as a matter of fact do you sell

videos and games there no game did you ever have the games i never had games what about

the pool products pool products yeah i heard you guys what store are you trying to get a hold of

The store formerly known as Game Mart?

Yes.

Oh, I have swimming suits.

Oh, you do?

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Do you have any large ones?

What are the sizes that you normally carry?

Small through X.

Do you have any double X?

I do not have too many double X left.

I do have jeanies and a few other things.

Are you looking for what?

Really, it's something that looks good.

Are you opposed to my friend coming in with a digital camera and taking pictures of me in the dressing room?

Because we like to make comparison pictures before we make our actual final purchase.

Oh, that's fine.

Now, do you require that I wear underwear when I put on bathing suits?

Well, if you're clean, I mean, if you're polluted, I mean, usually they do with some, when they buy them, they...

Say a friend of mine might have chlamydia and is thinking about coming in and trying on some bathing suits, would that be a problem?

Well...

He is discharging a little bit of pus out of his urethra.

Then we shouldn't be trying him on without underwear.

I mean, what if he don't know? What if he doesn't tell you?

Usually, after they try him on, you can tell.

No, it's microscopic.

Like, you know how big AIDS is?

They usually try them on with...

I don't like to try on...

I want to get the real feel, you know?

Do you know how big AIDS...

On the head of a pen, you can put, like, five AIDS.

Well, required usually to put a bathing suit...

To wear something underneath it, as women use their underwear.

I mean, that would be only the hygienic thing to do.

Yeah, but I'm not a woman.

I'm a man.

Alrighty, well...

I have a penis and two testicles.

I understand that.

Well, once you narrow it down, you could try it on if you're more prone to buying it.

Okay, but it's just chlamydia.

I mean, that's something that's curable with, you know, antibiotics and stuff like that.

Well, they still usually try them on with...

Between me and you, I mean, it's not, I mean, you know,

I'll probably buy it after I put it on anyway, right?

All right, why don't we come down and you can see them first.

Would you like to inspect my penis for the disc?

You know what, I want you to come down first in front of me.

Well, you tell me, just, if you can, like, hit the number one if you want to see my penis.

It's not the fact.

It's the fact that if you're fine with it, that's okay.

I mean, let's narrow it down to see which ones you like,

and then you can try the one that you want.

Let's narrow it down that I just want you to look at my penis up close

and look at my uterus.

Okay, that'll be fine.

You will do that?

Oh, good.

Okay, we'll see you here.

Okay, you said, okay, I'm coming down,

and you're going to look at my penis hole from up close.

Will you stick a straw in it and suck on it?

No, I won't.

Just suck the chlamydia out?

No.

Would you be into...

All right, why don't you find, look for baby food first, and we can go from there.

Do you have any catheters there?

No, I don't.

I have one on me, but it might be a little dirty.

It has some gonorrhea on it.

That's lovely.

You have AIDS in your mouth.

Probably.

You probably do.

Whatever you think.

Thank you.

Bye, AIDS.

I have your number, by the way.

What's my number?

What is it?

Exactly.

That's what my number is.

Wow.

Thank you, Tri-Ine, for now on.

Holy shit

He was so excited

He was excited

He's into guys with STDs

He didn't want to say no

He never really actually said no

That's freaking me out

A lot of people don't even wear underwear

When they're driving on baby shoes

That's freaking me out dude

A lot of people do

I would think all of them do

I thought that was like an international one

Jesus Christ

God that's nasty

I don't think it was legal anywhere in the country

To try on a bathing suit

I would never try on a bathing suit

That would be so weird to do that

I guess this is going to the

What's that called the gay shop

Hey look there's the dead

The dead

Did he get on camera 3

Is he

Looks like he's holding up some alcoholic beverage

Cool the dead

Well that's how I know it's the dead

Just to see the drink pop up there

Well, if anybody's going to replace the camera of a woman, I would hope it would be the dad.

What's he drinking over there?

Some kind of gay tequila fusion drink?

No, that's straight up Jose Cuervo.

I think he's drinking Maze Paint Label or something.

Ah, okay.

I thought it was something like...

Watch out.

I thought it was something like, you know...

I thought he was looking for some action.

Yeah, I thought it was some kind of mango-infused tequila or something.

Something that a girl would drink.

You know, he drinks Cosmos all the time, too, the dad.

I remember that one time

I was like

I'm drinking a Cosmo

I was like

Ah you're drinking a Cosmo

Ah

He did call it

I remember that

He called it once

And I said

What are you drinking today

He's like

I'm drinking Cosmos

I was like what

That's gay

He's like no it's not

He's like yeah it is

Girls drink Cosmos

That's a girls drink

No one drinks that stuff

Like girls and gay guys

Who watch Sex and the City

I bet you the dead watch the sex in the city

I bet you saw the movie

the dead's drunk

the dead, stop drinking man, come on

sober up a little bit

anyway, so let's continue here

let's do another call, actually I want to play a call

I want to play a call that we did last week

you remember the one that we called, you know we've called

several times to the Hong Kong grill

in Tokyo, Japan

let's go ahead and see if I can remember

what did I call that one here, hang on

that was called

I feel sorry for your mother

if you missed this last week

we'll get ready

I want to apologize for all our podcast listeners

who are listening to this episode

I cut off the first 10 minutes of the show

by accident

I failed to archive it

so I apologize in advance

and also all our listeners

who are checking us out

over at the madhouse site

I got in a car accident

I'm fine

I failed to mention that I hurt my neck

so now I can't get anything

Yeah, you didn't miss much

Anyway, we'll recap it at the end of the show

Anyway, here's this prank

It's called I Feel Sorry For Your Mother

Don't we all?

Shut up, shut up

Mushi Mushi

Hi, are you an American English speaker?

Yes, this is New Green

How may I help you?

Oh, this is Vagina Jones

How are you doing?

I'm good, how are you doing?

Do you remember Vagina Jones?

Uh, sorry?

Do you remember me?

I'm Vagina Jones

Mr. Vagina Jones.

Yeah, you remember me?

How do you spell your name?

Vagina, V-A-G-I-N-A.

Last name Jones, J-O-N-E-S.

J-O-N-E-S.

Vagina Jones.

V-A-G-I-N-A.

You remember we talked a few months ago.

Remember I came in?

You remember that?

I'm sorry.

Do you remember who you talked to?

I talked to you.

You're the English speaker, right?

There's many English speakers here.

Well, I'm looking.

There was a beautiful lady that I talked to.

Do you know what oral sex is?

Do you know what that is?

I'm sorry.

Like, do you remember?

Like, how does she look like?

Well, you remember if it was me.

I mean, if you got oral sex from me, you would remember what I was like.

What do you mean, what does she look like?

She looks like you all look the same.

Squinty eyes, yellow skin, black hair.

Mm-hmm.

You know her?

Because we're Japanese, so, like, all of us look like that.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's true, isn't it?

That's why I love you girls, though.

Thank you very much.

So, was it you, the girl, that I went down on?

I'm sorry?

Are you the girl that I went down on last time?

I'm sorry, is that called for a reservation?

Well, yeah, but I wanted to make reservations, but I wanted to make sure that I could see you again.

There was a woman I went down, I performed oral sex on a woman there.

I'm wondering if you...

I'm sorry, just a moment, please, sir.

Okay.

May I press your heart?

I suppose so.

I'll take it.

Okay.

Okay, just one break.

Mushy, mushy.

Yes, hello, sir.

Philip speaking.

I'm the manager of the restaurant.

How can I help you?

I want to talk to the woman.

How can I help you, sir?

No, no, no.

She didn't get what you want.

Well, I performed oral sex on a woman there a few months ago who worked there,

and I was trying to meet up with her again.

What?

I performed oral sex on a woman who works there,

who took my reservation

a few months ago

and I was back in Tokyo

and I wanted to meet up

with her again

for more oral sex.

I don't think

you are in the right place.

No, this is the New York

girl in Tokyo, right?

Yes.

Do you have the name

of the girl?

Well, I mean,

I don't remember her name.

She was a Japanese girl.

Do you have any...

Is she there?

I don't think so.

If you don't have the name,

I cannot give you the girl.

Well, do you know

who the girl is

that lets guys

perform oral sex

on her there a lot?

I'm sorry, sir,

but I cannot...

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't think one of my girls do that.

Mm-hmm, I did.

We went into my hotel room.

It was really good, man.

Have you ever had oral sex before?

Like, have you ever done that to a woman?

Are you all right?

Huh?

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm serious.

I like to give oral sex.

Do you think you're funny or what?

I'm very funny, man.

Hey, you know what's funny?

You know what's funny?

Yeah, tell me.

We kicked your ass in World War II.

That's what's funny, you bastard.

We taught you a lesson, didn't we, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, come attack Pearl Harbor again.

Next time we're going to drop five of those fuckers on you.

Okay, guys.

Yeah.

We'll be taking care of you, yeah?

You go to Wikipedia and look up Doolittle's Raid.

That's what I want you to look up, too.

All right?

All right, mate.

Well, maybe I can...

You have a good time, yeah?

Can I do oral sex on you?

Yeah, please.

Come.

Come and see me.

Do you have, like, a small...

Yeah, you come and see me, okay?

Because the Japanese...

Why don't you come at the New York Grill and you come and talk to me, okay?

Not on the phone.

For oral sex?

If you're a man, you come here and you talk to me.

Oh, if you're a man.

And I will kick your ass, man.

I'm going to stab you with my Bushido blade.

Yeah.

I feel sorry for your mother.

Don't talk about my mother, you dickhead.

Your mother's right here next to me.

Girl, you...

That insult works all over the world, doesn't it, folks?

That's right, indeed it does.

Yeah, so apparently the stream is stuck.

Let me fix that.

It's stuck on April 3rd, 2000 show.

Hang on, let me...

I just noticed that here.

Colostomy bag.

What's colostomy?

Why do you keep saying that?

You're like my little cousin.

His favorite word is wiener.

All of a sudden, he's like, wiener, wiener.

That's all he says all the time.

Colostomy bag.

It should be updated now.

Yes, we're live.

Hey, Dieters just showed his kitty on there.

Dieters, please show us your colostomy bag.

Show us your pussy.

My head pushes.

Yeah.

Here comes Tuck.

Roll in.

All right, we're going to call this.

This came in from Anonymous, Anonymous D, a new friend of the show here.

He's been listening here recently, apparently.

He baited a former actor, former child actor, I believe.

He was in the movie Parenthood.

His name is Zach LaVoy.

We're going to try to call him now.

He weighs over 300 pounds now.

I believe he was a child actor or just an actor.

Clear that up for me here.

He's posting now.

He's posting the transcript from the chat here.

He is a former child actor.

and apparently he was trying to hook up with a young child.

So Ananadi was posing as a 17-year-old boy or young man, let's say.

A lot of our listeners are around that age range.

And this guy here is 22 years old

and he was apparently trying to bait him in for a sexual rendezvous.

So we're going to go ahead and give him a call here in the name of all is just.

Just a moment here. Hang on, folks.

This isn't a fist.

Buster Rhymes.

Actually now would be a good time for Cyan to call in

Call in Cyan

Let's see if it works the second time around

This is not looking good there Anani

What is going on with Brett Favre

I just got another tweet

I don't know if anybody has to use his tweeter

But I keep getting tweets from everybody

Everybody about Brett Favre and Brett Favre's destiny.

Before I redial that, did he decide to come back and he's going to go to the Jets?

After all that time he spent in Green Bay, Mr. Green Bay himself,

and he made this whole crime, and he's going back to the Jets?

Yeah.

Well, they decided after all of it that they weren't going to let him come back anyway.

Because he gave him time and didn't take the offer.

So now he's kind of like stuck.

Now he's balling.

I would never imagine in my life that Brett Favre would.

We're getting to the point now of the last week's episode with Badger.

Yeah, oh, yeah, we didn't talk about that either.

What about that?

Kokanee lives close to that area over there where the guy, the crazy Asian guy, Chinese guy.

Speaking of the Olympics, dude, the Olympics officially start like in 45 minutes.

The opening ceremonies will be soon.

About this time tomorrow, they should be wrapping up in about 20 hours from now.

Be sure to catch that.

I'm excited about the Olympics.

I mean, I think there's a lot at stake here for the United States.

But, yeah, Brett Favre, man, come on, dude.

I mean, I never thought I'd see the day where he wouldn't be playing for the pack.

You know, what's going on with that?

I was going to play for the Jets?

What's that about?

I've never been to big Brett Favre.

You know, black people don't ever like Brett Favre.

He was always more of the white man's quarterback, you know.

Never into Brett Favre.

They've got nothing wrong against the white people or white quarterbacks, but, you know, whatever.

And then this crazy Chinese guy.

I just got a report here.

Somebody's getting really important for me to call in.

Man, how's the radio with this?

Once or twice.

Who you with?

Who say?

No one was there.

Whatever.

Yeah, that's craziness.

I did want to mention also.

What happened?

Apparently, there's a new Nike shoe,

a new version of the Air Force Ones that's coming out.

And I'll be honest with you.

When I was a teenager,

I used to be all into Reeboks and Nikes.

I used to be into getting the newest shoe,

the nicest Jordans or the Barclays,

you know, the Barclay, the Air.

What was Barclay's shoe?

He had the Air Max.

I was a big fan of the Air Max and the high top by Reebok.

I used to like that also, the black top, the black top.

This one here is by, I don't know who,

I mean, call me old if you want,

but apparently this dude Questlove or whatever

is designing a new Nike that's going to be,

I think it's going to cost $299

and

people are camping out like it's the iPhone

to buy them in certain parts of the country

it looks to me like the ugliest basketball

shoe ever made, I'm showing it on video

right here, right now, I think it either

came out or it's coming out tomorrow or it comes out

at midnight tonight, but dude

that is the most ugliest unsightly pair

of shoes I've ever seen in my life

it's got like this green

watermelon looking

leopard, not leopard, like a lizard print

and it's got, like, this red-looking...

Like, let me critique this here.

Let me get my John Madden pen here

since we're on a football tip already, as it is.

Milkman, if you don't mind indulging me here for a little bit.

Like, look at this here.

I mean, this...

Most of these, like, designer shoes,

these custom shoes are just ugly as shit.

They are, but there has not been a decent...

I don't really know that many...

What is that, pro-crocodile?

I don't know what it is.

There has not been a decent...

Oh, man, look at my shoes.

There has not been a decent-looking basketball shoe, I think, since, like, 1995.

96, 95 was the last time there was a good-looking basketball shoe.

I mean, look at this.

The laces are way too wide, all right?

And then this here looks, this is all bowling shoe right here.

This is, like, straight-up $3.99 rental at the bowling alley look right there.

And this green is just unsightly.

I don't get it.

I mean, I don't mean to haterate, but, God, look at that.

Isn't that an ugly shoe, Athena?

Look at that.

Hey, man, that right there is for the active person who just got done mowing their yard.

Look.

That's $299.

That's the same price as an iPod to get those right there.

Wouldn't you rather have an iPod than that piece of shit or two of those pieces of shits?

Differently, I guess, is true.

I'd rather have $300 than either of them pieces of shit.

Yeah.

I mean, honestly, I have not seen a decent pair of basketball shoes come out out of Nike, Reebok,

or what's the other one, Adidas, like, in a long time.

I'm talking like a decade at least

I'm not like

The only ones I like

Nike like about 5-6 years ago

They did bring out the decade

Or the 21 decade

Or the 20 decade series

Where they went back to like

When the shoes were kind of good

And did like remakes of them

Those I liked

That was about it

So that's my point of that

The only good looking shoe they've had man

You know

Was pre-Michael Jordan

After Michael Jordan

The shoe came out with the shocks

And the slicked over look

Trying to cover up the shoe string thing

It just went off the wall, man.

It just went to berserk.

I remember when the first Grant Hill shoes came out,

I was all over those, the Fila's, the first Grant Hill shoe.

I owned those.

Like I said, I was a big fan of the Charles Barkley Air Maxes.

I was a fan of the later Reebok shoes

Like 96, 97

After that I just stopped wearing

Like buying basketball shoes

I just started buying like

I don't know

Like Timberlands and stuff like that

I was like god forget that

Now like the shoes I got now

I think I bought them on Payless

Yeah definitely

Timberlands

Yep

Those were boots now

For the most part

I think the ones I bought now

I bought them for like

They were BOGO shoes

From Payless Shoes

Payless

I was like I don't

I don't care anymore

It was like another thing

Like cars and stuff

When I was younger

It was such a big deal

To make sure you get

the nicest looking shoe

and this and that.

I don't care anymore.

You're on the air.

Hey, what's up?

You know that

Barry does

the pinkies

and that it's

actually 12.

Really?

Yeah.

Really?

Is she allowed to be on?

This is a mature room,

you know.

I have no idea

if somebody needs

to ask her

or something.

Are you just

being mean?

Does she not want to

talk to you

or give you a call

or something?

I don't know.

She's not 18.

She says that

she's going to be

19 in two months

but I don't think

Well, that's something.

Have you talked to Fall lately?

No, I haven't.

She was in here last week

but she hasn't showed up this week yet.

Just warning you could hear from her.

Probably fucking herself

with an ice pick or something.

That wasn't very nice.

Maybe that's what

Emo Carter.

I think you're the one

that fucking scared her off

last week, my friend.

That's pretty mean of you.

She's a fucking

Emo Carter, though.

Well, so she's emo.

She can be emo.

You're emo, too.

Look at your haircut.

You're definitely emo, man.

Yeah, fuck you, man.

Yeah, fuck you too, man.

You're so angry.

So how are things?

How did you make out of the exam?

Did you get your grade yet?

I have no idea.

I'm getting my shit tomorrow.

I've got to pay for my classes tomorrow, for the next term.

I don't know if we're going to get the money for it, but we're going to have to pay for it.

How much?

Uh, $1,200 I think it's coming out to, $1,020.

Can you get a federal grant?

Yeah, but thanks to the school I'm going to, they sat on their asses with my old transcripts

and they didn't clear me in time,

so I've got to pay up front

and wait to get my student loan late.

My financial aid is going to be late,

so I ended up having to pay for it up front instead.

That sucks.

Yeah, it does.

It always happens to me.

At least you're going to get refunded, you know?

Yeah.

Hopefully I might get a good check for the car.

I'll tell you what, Athena,

I might just keep driving a car like that.

I'll just keep the check.

Athena's like, oh, please don't.

Hey, make your soon-to-be wife for your car, you know?

Make her pay for the car?

God.

Yeah.

She's already having to pay for the rest of her life for being with me.

Is that your cat?

Yeah.

What's the cat's name again?

Tiger Lily.

Tiger Lily?

Aw, you like that movie?

What's up, Tiger Lily?

You ever seen it?

It's a fucking name tag.

Tiger Lily.

Oh, that's a cute name.

That's cool.

Don't shake it.

Don't ever shake a cat.

I heard you got shaken when you were a baby.

Your mom shook you.

Who do you live with?

Do you live with your dad right now?

Yeah.

Hey, your mama turned her head when you were like two or three years old.

Yep, and now I'm fat.

We got a number for the pumping station.

Don't know if it's a gay bar, but it sounds like one.

In Memphis, Tennessee.

Tuck, you ever been there, the pumping station?

Bet you have.

Pumping station?

Well, it's not, you know.

I've been all around the kind of places back in the day.

You want to call the pumping station today?

Yeah, sure.

All right, hang on to that.

Don't go anywhere.

We're going to do a prank call here with the dead real quick before I take a break.

Hang on, everybody.

Don't go anywhere.

We're playing a song right now.

Let's play this one.

I haven't played in a while.

That does kind of sound vaguely familiar.

Last week, and you guys talked on my nipples too hard, and now I'm infected.

He's gone.

Too strong, too fast.

Down to the dead.

You guys today, you guys today.

The nipples happened.

You shouldn't pierce your nipples.

you gotta hold off

before you do any action

on the nipples

after you get them pierced

you gotta wait like

at least two or three weeks

man

I know who Dankin is

Dankin is from

our Dank

is from

the Bucksticky people

he's good on nipple timbers

that does sound like

a key place

the pumping station

has to be

jeez

anyway

alright so

you wanna call

I'll tell you what

I got here

I got a Russian tea room

and I also got a

Cinderella bakery

and cafe

Russian tea room

Katia's

Russian tea room

room in san francisco the dad you've been there many times i'm sure just a moment folks don't go

anywhere good evening katya's may i help you uh um i was interested i picked it and now i have

her company what's going on these people don't want to talk to dad over here man

put you to nice your name is melody all right last one for you let's see if she picks up though

because these feminists haven't been picking up tonight.

Let me play a different song here.

Last you told me to, if I ever wanted to go out with you,

kind of happened, you know, you were kind of,

and you said, you know, here's my number,

call me when you want to go out.

Me?

My friend, Carlos.

My friend, me?

You said that you wanted him, you know,

he could call you anytime to meet up for coffee.

You don't remember?

Well, he has the wrong number.

This is Melody, though, right?

Melody.

To place a call, press 1.

You kind of caught her off guard.

That was a pretty good pick.

That was kind of good.

Yeah, you did good.

See, you got, you got, who's Carlos, anyway?

I never heard of Carlos before.

He was a gold star.

He was a gold star, didn't he?

All right, the dad.

Thanks for calling, my friend.

Here's the name I made for you.

What else you got going on?

You going to school next term, or you done?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm only in the mornings, so no more fucking nights.

Yeah.

I prefer nights.

I usually don't start, my brain isn't really working until, like, after 12, usually, anyway.

I do better if I go to night school.

Hermano, ask him about his girlfriend, Molly.

How about your girlfriend who?

Molly?

You have a girlfriend?

Yeah, Molly.

Molly who?

She's right there.

Milkman's saying something weird.

Liar.

You should say.

That's not true.

This conversation is over.

Goodbye to Dad.

You're breaking up.

Bye.

All right, Dad doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.

Yeah, I don't know what he's talking about.

Ryan, terminate the call, please.

Oh, shit.

What is that?

I love that prank.

How's my driving?

Is that what it is?

Oh, God.

Is it called?

What's it called?

My turban is dirty.

It's got a specific name.

Jerky Boys.

It's not How's My Driving.

It's called something else.

What is it called?

Roofing?

No.

What is it?

Dead Pet Removal.

I have no idea.

I don't even remember which CD it was on of those.

What are you talking about?

The prank that has Ryan terminate the call.

The one where he's like, oh, God, for God's sake.

You know when he's saying that?

You know where we get that from?

Ryan terminate the call.

That was a Jerky Boys show?

Yeah, that's where we took it from originally.

That's where I got it from.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

What is it called?

Oh, man.

He's like, yeah, I got my legs ran over by the truck.

I called the number in the back of it.

What the hell was that thing?

It's so stupid.

Why did I think it was a Jim Stewart call?

No, here it is.

I found it.

Here we go.

I'm insane.

I'm okay.

Yeah, he backed over my goddamn legs.

Now, I'm standing here with shattered fucking legs.

That's all I need.

I just came to in the fucking hospital here.

All I remember seeing is that little friggin' cute sign you have there about the bad driver.

Okay.

Hello.

Can I get your name and number?

Ah, Christ.

It's always this way with you people.

Where the hell do you get these drivers from?

What are you, pull them off the street?

What is this?

Sir?

Pull them out of the subways?

For Christ's sake, this guy backed up over my legs three or four times there.

They look like fuckin' chopped meat now.

Sir, I want to help you.

Ah, Christ.

I'm going to help you.

I need to get some information from you.

Go ahead, shoot.

Shoot me some info.

Go ahead.

I need your name and number.

I got to give you my name and number.

When I got some guy that, you know, smashed me into little pieces as a human being.

Okay.

Well, can you at least give me...

If you saw my legs right now, buddy, you'd probably vomit.

The damn things are sick looking.

It's horrible.

The fucking dog will be nipping at me in a little while with these fucking legs the way they are.

For Christ's sakes.

Do you have the vehicle number at all?

Ah, Christ, the vehicle number.

I was in a big delivery truck and some swill or some shit was dripping out of the back of that fucking thing.

I don't know.

Did you have the company name of the vehicle?

How the hell am I going to see the company name when I'm busy rolling around underneath the fucking truck?

Sir, I'm just trying to help.

Jesus Christ, you're asking me for company names and I'm laying under the fucking truck?

I can give you serial numbers.

That's about the best I can do for you.

For Christ's sakes, the goddamn gearbox crushing me in the ground.

You're asking me for the fucking name of the business?

What do I look like?

Tomcat or something?

A nightcrawler?

Jesus Christ.

Go ahead, shoot.

If I'm going to have to...

If I'm going to help you...

Oh, this is funny.

Are you laughing now, for Christ's sake?

No, I just need to get the vehicle.

Oh, jeez.

The more I think about it, the more anger I get now.

I'm laying up in a fucking hospital bed.

I won't be able to get myself near a fucking bottle of hooch.

And you're fucking telling me that it's a fucking joke?

It's funny?

No, I'm not laughing at all, sir.

I want to get some information.

Oh, Christ.

I can help you.

Oh, man.

There's this bad fucking awful stink coming off my legs here.

It must have been something in a fucking marrow or something, for all I know.

Okay, and what day did this happen?

Oh, man, it happened today.

I just came to it in the fucking hospital now.

Now I'm just, oh, Jesus.

You know, my friend tells me you can call the numbers on these fucking delivery boys there.

Okay.

Can I, what time did this happen?

Time.

How the fuck am I going to remember?

You say time now.

What are you, a wise guy with the time?

Okay.

I'm supposed to remember time when I'm fucking out like a light.

Time.

Sir, I'm going to disconnect.

Ryan, terminate the call, please.

Hello.

Ah, for Christ's sake.

That's the one right there.

I've got to get that drop.

Anyway, all right.

So we're going to take a break here real quick and come back for a little more show.

I think Regalood's going to be joining us.

We've got a lot of more people here who want to join us as well tonight.

What was that?

What was your problem?

Explain that, Milkman, before we continue.

I'm sorry, man.

I dropped the microphone for a second.

Okay, so anyway.

It's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

That's right.

That I got to get.

Yeah, I think I have that.

You lose the back.

Got that.

That's the one right there.

Just like it.

Yeah.

Just like it.

Every time Milkman pulls down his pants in front of Old Sweet Kisses there,

this is what it sounds like.

Exactly.

That's what it sounds like.

No, it doesn't.

It's just that it goes starving.

Yeah, no, it doesn't.

Anyway, so when we come back, we've got more preps to do.

It sounds like Ty and Sam.

Hi.

Dank T has sent in another number here in California, this one here.

Douche wants to call in.

Rightfully joining us.

The bad boys of Iowa have sent in a number for us to call as well.

Reckless.

Yeah, that's him.

Reckless.

Koken is in the house now, I see, here as well.

Also, what's his face?

The anonymous guy once sent in another number for a pedophile.

So we've got plenty to do.

We'll be taking the rest of your requests.

A lot of people want to call in as well, it looks like.

So hang in there if you don't mind.

I need to take a break here real quick.

A mandatory break.

It's a legal thing.

And we'll be back.

Milkman, you'll be back after the break, right?

You'll still be here?

Yes, sir.

All right, Tuck will be here also, I assume.

Maybe.

All right.

We'll be back in about five minutes, everybody.

Don't go away.

Listen to this.

We're going to play a song and a prank call.

We'll be right back with more show.

Don't go anywhere.

Thank you for listening to Madhouse Radio on the Syndicate Radio, Madhouse Radio People Network.

And this will continue to get kicked out of the room.

Yeah, you get it.

Don't let them listen to this, dude.

You know, he does show up green when he gets kicked.

Right after this.

Jay Lighting.

How you doing?

What's going on?

Fine.

The phone's doing that shit again.

What thing?

The thing where it doesn't make noise.

I've got a question about your establishment.

I went down there and I realized that at the laundry place, how often do you sanitize the machines?

I think it's the wrong place that you're calling.

We're a clothing store.

This is dirty laundry, lady.

We're a clothing store.

Well, you still got dirty.

It gets all dirty.

When's the last time you sterilized a product that you had there on the floor?

We clean the floors every night.

Well, you know, I mean the sales floor.

You're supposed to sterilize the actual clothing.

They get worn by people.

People go in.

You have one of those tryout rooms where you try out the clothes?

You mean a fitting room where you have a steamer?

Tryout room.

Tryout room is what I call it.

Okay.

Okay, well, what?

It's potato, potato, tomato, tomato.

Correct, yeah.

Whatever it is, it's not clean for people to be putting on clothes and then taking it out.

You don't know if they have underwear on.

You don't know if they have herpes.

You don't know if they're menstruating.

Okay.

I bought a pair of jeans.

How do I know that some woman that was menstruating didn't put on that pair of jeans?

Because a woman wouldn't try on a male pair of jeans.

What do you know?

Why?

What do you know?

Maybe it's a woman who wanted to try on a pair of jeans.

Yeah, you're right.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I'm completely wrong.

You're right.

Men, women can't try on men's jeans.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

You're freaking stupid.

You're freaking stupid, too.

Thank you for your phone call.

Do not call back here.

You used the F word with me.

Fucking F word.

The fucking F word, man.

At 1-888-278-8509.

You know what, I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Ever.

Thank you.

I am bisexual.

I'm bisexual.

What the hell?

He's not talking to you on that phone.

We're sitting in my head.

Yeah, well, he said, we're back.

Hey, folks, we're is back.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Milkman, Tuck, and Gain Green also checking in now as well.

What's up, Gain Greener?

Good.

Good, you bastard.

Yep, yep, yep.

Anyway, if you guys want to reach us here tonight, you can.

Speaking of which.

We're going to call in a line.

Call it, go ahead.

okay call you what you want to call a casino I got a few casinos here fuck

yeah all right this is gonna be the Rainbow Casino I think that'll be right

up your alley the Rainbow Casino and this is in Nevada okay

just wrong with it that's how we do it on here

Oh, I almost just burned myself.

So much for your ad-libbing skills.

Well, you know what?

Okay, so he said I sound like a Jewish woman with throat cancer.

A little Jewish coming out of the oven.

Tell him.

Tell him again.

My name is Julia.

If you voice it, it won't write what you're going to say.

How about that?

So, all right, well, let's...

Julia.

All right, well, make us proud.

They're a Cayenne Prince.

Okay, it's located by the way.

How are you?

So, doors, or where are you?

Where am I?

Rainbow.

Okay, so we're almost out of minutes.

I have a few minutes left on the phone card.

Ah, she said.

Just outside and talk to you.

Outside in the park and outside.

I'm ready.

I think he heard me.

Hello, how's it going?

Well, yeah, that was good, douche.

Thank you for calling.

Yeah, this is douche.

Oh, this is Cyan.

I'm sorry for a second.

I thought I was...

Hi, Cyan.

Well, thank you.

Can I talk to you real quick?

Sure, go ahead.

Can I really talk to you real quick?

Yeah, he loves talking in there.

Colors in there?

Aren't you?

Yeah, in your own chat.

That's where you control your color, I thought.

Anybody can set their own color.

I want to say, oh, if you need to call, I got it for you.

She was turning right to go to the opposite, you know, she was turning right.

Straight.

She didn't go straight.

She decided to turn wide right, and instead of going into her lane,

she went too far and went right into the turning lane and went straight into me.

Oh, so she was, uh, she went to the left lane instead of the right lane.

She broke.

Exactly.

She turned too far.

She was turning right, but she went too far to the left.

Right straight into me.

And was this?

She was like 20, no, she's 33, I think.

Let me see.

You're not going to say you're driving nine Mercedes.

No.

No, she's like some old.

No, she's like a white trash looking lady, dude.

I mean, seriously.

It's an old, it was an old cruddy looking, it was all dirty looking like Mercedes.

It's seen its better days.

I mean, she bought it, yeah, she bought it used.

Maybe with a hand-me-down from her mom or something like that.

Well, I'll tell you what, that's a shitty car to buy as a hand-me-down.

You should have a Toyota or something.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, in this gas crisis, you really need those Toyotas right now because...

And I hear the oils are the thing too, which is really great.

It's going down because demand went down, but demand will just pick right up.

It's all a monopoly.

The gasoline industry is a monopoly.

Everyone's going to need gas sooner or later.

If the prices go down, it will just go right back up.

That's why I'm trying to get a job.

Look, we live in Orlando, but she's like five minutes away from her work to the animal hospital.

She's really lucky.

And she drives a Toyota Echo.

Come on, it doesn't look like she's trading cars with me.

Because she should be driving my car.

I should get her, you know,

cheap, economical...

Which is her, a Corolla or an Echo?

Well, an Echo is like...

The Echo is like, actually,

a Corolla engine, I believe.

But it's a lot more economical

because it's a lot smaller.

It's a really...

It's like a go-kart.

It's a go-kart, I believe.

Yeah, they look like a little...

The ESQ was like the first

in the kind of car that...

Okay, what's the question for you?

Now that you've run out of minutes

on your car,

how are you going to call out tonight?

...numbers now.

We still have the UK and stuff like that.

We got a lot of UK numbers ready to go.

Oh.

Oh, Jin, by the way.

Jin? No, he's around. He's busy.

He doesn't do much.

He keeps it updated all the time.

JinStewart.com, he updates it every week or so.

He updates it with a new prank or so.

Same goes for Sean Ward.

Yeah, KDK needs to be killed by the General.

Yeah, well, he promised him that I wouldn't talk bad about him anymore in the air,

but, you know, he says I'm anti-gay, Cyan.

As a person of that affliction,

not affliction, but of that persuasion,

I'm sorry, I said the wrong thing.

Would you consider me, do I make anti-gay comments or anything that would make you think that I hate gay people?

See?

He doesn't even do his hair anymore, does he?

I would kind of ask when I put...

Oh, we don't like...

Oh, he doesn't mean it.

Oh, my gay...

Let me

up.

We'll let you know over the weekend.

Bye, sir.

Have a...

...sexual.

Please.

I am bisexual.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, hey.

Alright, so...

Wow, that kid.

I'll tell you what.

Now I feel bad I played the snoozer in this game.

So he is a flaming freak.

No kidding.

I'm gonna end this show soon, dude.

I'm not feeling it.

This is Joe.

Joe Carlito.

The Boyz Jr.

The Boyz Jr., what's up, kid?

How you doing?

Carlito, what's going on with you, man?

How's your week?

Are you going to be a freshman?

Watch out for Friday.

First freshman Friday is the killer, man.

Well, don't swallow your retainer.

Don't swallow your retainer.

What's that?

I'm going to go to high school.

That's bullshit.

That is not fair.

No, really.

This is a freshman-only school?

Are you kidding me?

No.

Yeah, there's one school with only freshmen, only 9th graders in it.

Are your 10th graders there?

Really?

That's not fair, man.

I got my ass picked on freshman year.

That first Friday, I was scared to go in.

My mom always said, don't go in, Carlito.

I was only in high school on Wednesday.

You were in high school already on Wednesday?

For us, it was like freshman Friday.

Hey, I have a question.

Yes.

I have a question.

People have been bugging me about this.

Like a sexual thing?

I don't know.

That's a new one to me.

I'm pretty good at those.

Really?

Holy crap.

Let me verify the hair.

Freeze.

That's what his mouth is.

That kind of makes sense.

I can see because, you know, it's frozen like a last boot.

Yeah, the act of pooping into a condom, freezing the rubber overnight, then inserting it into one's anus.

Oh, okay, I'm sorry.

Well, that's about right.

Yeah, you crapping in a condom, putting it in the freezer, and using it like a dildo.

Uh, yeah, that's basically...

I'm closing a colostomy bag.

That's nasty.

I was wondering, could I do a prank?

Because I kind of got to redeem myself.

Sure, we can do that, man.

That's interesting.

I like that one, though.

Take a shit, freeze the bad motherfucker and...

Yeah, what did you do last time?

...in the kitchen.

Uh-huh.

Reach into the icebox when you're having sex with a girl in the kitchen.

Grab your frozen turd and shove it up her ass.

You may want to lube her up beforehand since the frost sometimes makes the blade stick.

Which, like ripping your tongue from an icy pool, can be painful.

So depending on how you feel about the trap, bring some KY.

That's a good deal.

Cool, but that's a good deal.

Hey, yeah, you know, uh, I don't know.

So give us a review about the, I'll ask, I might try that out in the theater here when I get a chance.

Um, we're not usually in a scat, but you never know.

Does it matter what you eat before you take a shit in that thing?

We've got to stick to...

Quinn's asking if it matters what you eat.

I would say you want to stick to cheese.

It kind of congeals very nicely there.

Freezes nice and even.

Okay, so we're going to call the UK.

The United Kingdom.

You're part of it?

Okay.

We're going to have something with high fire.

Yeah, I know.

Excuse me.

Awesome.

We've got four.

I'm going to give you four names.

You pick the one you want to call.

I've got Merrill Honey, Richard Porter, Elsie Porter, and Michael Monty.

I'd like something I can make fun of and laugh at.

Richard Porter, are you in the IRC chat room right now?

Yeah, I'm over there.

I sent you the details in case you're looking in the chat room.

I don't know if you are or not, but you or your brother got it.

All right.

Hang on.

Oh, well, shit.

Well, that's okay.

That's fine.

Well, just remember, I'm pretty sure you're calling, all right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hang on, everybody.

Did he have a wife or anything?

When he was a little bit younger?

Other reporter, his wife or something.

That's a different number altogether.

But we'll find out soon enough.

I want to mention, Artie Lang is in rehab.

I don't know if most of you should know that by now, but we wish the best of luck to Artie Lang.

and hopefully he'll be back on a Stern show on Monday.

Already lying.

You don't listen to Howard Stern, I'm sure.

You probably don't.

A little too young for that.

No, no, you'll learn one day.

All right, hang on, everybody.

Don't go anywhere, kids.

All right.

Yeah.

Elsie Porter instead, okay?

That's my name.

Elsie Porter.

That's a girl, right?

This is a girl, huh?

Elsie.

Yeah, like the cow.

Elsie.

I didn't make my...

She went to get another phone, I thought.

She was still there, too.

Hang on, let me try to call her back.

All right.

That's my grandma.

She's probably still trying to get the phone.

The other phone.

I'll try to call her later.

All right, man.

It didn't work out.

You had a good start, and the other lady was a little promising,

but I think she took too long to get the phone, man.

Pretty soon later.

Are you there?

Woo!

Boys Junior.

Hi, hi.

We're losing everybody here now.

They just dropped them like flies.

Holy God.

Holy God and baby Jesus.

All right, sounds like a moogly, a moogly, a moogly.

A moogly, a moogly.

We're going to do two more prank calls of the night, I think.

If you want to jump in, you can.

That guy there kind of reminded me

of how cheap it sounded when he was younger, man.

It was hard.

Recklo never got back.

Why he can't.

Recklo got me worried.

Here's what Recklo told me.

He's probably out of it,

and this is the reason why.

This is one of the last messages I got from Big Reck.

9.54, right before the show started,

I was like, all right, man.

He messaged me.

He said, can I call in around 11.30 if you'd like?

And I said, Eastern?

He said, yes.

I'm like, okay, awesome.

Do that.

He's like, all right, man.

And let me run out and get some Adderall and coffee.

Talk to you in a few.

Isn't Adderall a sleeping pill?

Adderall is speed, dude.

He's got to do some speed.

Yeah, Adderall is a sleeping pill.

The speed, really, yeah.

Oh, it's speed?

Adderall is speed.

That's what they give to the kids for hyperactivity.

It pushes them up with speed until they go over.

And coffee?

Is it wise to mix Adderall and coffee?

What am I confusing?

Ambien.

That's what I'm confusing.

Ambien is for kids.

Probably not.

I'm taking my Ambien right now, as a matter of fact, because I've got to get to bed.

Well, from what we've learned, from what we've said,

he's not a very good with the drug mixing and taking anyway.

He's very...

He needs a bath after that.

Oh, that's right.

You know, I did take Adderall.

I've taken Adderall twice.

A few months ago.

Hey, Jonathan, what's going on?

Oh, Nino.

Just in time.

What's up, bro?

How you doing?

Not much, man.

I'm sorry about your loss.

Did you want to share with the people what happened?

I mean, you lost your old lady.

It was a bunch of bullshit, right?

Yeah, but...

Friend, I'm going to tell you the truth.

Sometimes it's good to do that.

Sometimes it's good to take a break.

So does he get to keep the dog or the kid?

Yeah, that's true.

Milkman wants to know if he gets to keep the dog or the kid.

She didn't have a kid, did she?

No.

Yeah, man.

I just realized, I don't know if you've ever taken Adderall.

I just want to say real quickly, last year when I was on...

Well, last year I had some big finals and I was really stressed out.

and this girl that sat next to me at work, she told me, yeah, you know, I take Adderall,

I got Adderall here, if you want, if you want, I'll give you one or two, I'm like, really?

I'm like, yeah, and you know, because I was like, she's like, yeah, I hope you focus to

study and shit, and I was like, oh, yeah, sure, I'll take it, dude, I studied my ass

off, I took an Adderall, man, I studied like all night, and I retained everything, I was

like a machine studying, and then, and then we kept doing, then, we kept doing it at work,

Like, she would tell me, hey, Carlos, come out here, take an Adderall.

And we'd drop them at the same time and stuff, and we'd be all wired up at work.

Man, it was fun.

I was like a working machine with Adderall, man.

I was, like, unstoppable.

So if you ever run across some Adderall, you let me know, Jonathan, all right?

All right.

Jonathan, you hear about my car accident?

No, I didn't.

Yeah, man, I got in a car accident, my friend.

It was sucky.

It reminded me of you getting into your bus accident recently,

and I should have said that I hurt my back.

I know it's bad to lie about stuff, but I could have gotten some pills out of the whole thing.

like you did um yeah man my car completely fucked up dude i mean no it's not totaled it's driving

but i mean the whole front of it is all bent to shit and i can't drive it at night because the

lights aren't working in it i only got like i only got one of the high beams works that's it

all the other ones are shot so i can only drive it during the day so it's good to go to work but

i can't go out at night and anything like that i'll take a thenis car so i'm kind of stuck here

now i can just go to work and you know on saturdays i can go out maybe during the day

but I can't go out on my own in the evenings anyway.

It doesn't look like I go out anyway, but still, it sucks, you know?

Yeah, you probably need to take it in half.

I don't think.

Well, her insurance called me today,

and they said that they were going to send an adjuster tomorrow to go to my work.

They're going to go to my work on my lunch break,

and they're going to, you know, do an estimate or whatever

and figure it out from there, but I'm not going to have it

because Milkman was telling me that, you know,

if the cost of repairing it costs more than the price of the car,

they end up just giving me a check, and they won't fix it,

and that would kind of suck

Because I don't really want to go out and try to find a used car now.

I like my car.

I've taken good care of my car.

It's a reliable Honda Accord.

I've always kept up with all the oil changes, taken good care of it.

And I recently put in a lot of money to fix the air conditioning in it,

and it would be a damn shame if all that was for nothing.

It just really ticks me off.

Your accident wasn't your fault, right?

It was the other driver's fault?

Yeah, it was a drunk driver.

That's right.

Horrible.

But there were no kids in the bus, right?

It was just you at the time?

The man.

That's right.

You did get that brand new bus, right?

But you got hurt, too, though.

Did you get any money out of that at all for the drunk driver?

Did they catch him or anything?

Uh, yeah, and, uh, insurance paid to that old bus.

Cool, cool.

Ooh, are you at work or something?

Okay, sounds like one of those work phones over there, huh?

All professional, Jonathan.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, that's good.

Well, hey, man, keep your head up.

You two are still friends.

And, you know, if it's meant to happen, you guys will end up being in a relationship.

If not, like I said, you know, there's plenty of women out there,

and it's a chance for you to, even if you don't go chasing women at first,

A woman at first, just take it easy, relax, have some time for yourself.

There's nothing bad about coming home and getting in your boxers and just watching TV

and eating what you want, watching what you want, doing what you want.

I miss those days, man.

Yeah.

Buddy, all right.

Anything for your fans and listeners tonight?

Would you like to say anything?

I would just like to say, well, I'm up to this, and may it happen.

All right, good.

See, now that you're away from the ball and chain, we can go back to having fun, Jonathan.

Man, bachelor party.

All right, brother.

Well, you let me know if you need anybody to talk to, all right?

Take care of yourself, Jonathan.

This is Jonathan, everybody.

I'm a good man.

All right, Jonathan.

Don't go back.

Move on up, brother.

Stay single, man.

Who cares?

I'd love to get single right now.

I got a good mind to go over to Athena.

Go get a new ride.

I got a good mind to take the portable mic here and go to the bedroom and tell Athena

I think the wedding's going to call the wedding off because I don't think I'm ready.

Yeah, right.

She'll kill me.

She'll kick me out of this house.

Yeah, man.

Sometimes, man, I'll tell you what, Milkman.

man, sometimes I get home and I just think, man, I remember the days when I had my own

apartment, one bedroom apartment, all to myself, didn't have any worries, you know, I could

wear what I want around the house, I could watch what I want on TV, I could listen to

what I want on the radio whenever I wanted to, I could eat whatever I wanted and not

get criticized for it, yeah, but I'll tell you what, and I did it a few times, you know

know what i actually did eat baked beans out of the can like uh in my boxers in the kitchen quite

a few times nothing wrong with that you know what i used to do too milkman one thing that i can't do

anymore that i miss about being single i used to go to publics and get one of those rotisserie

chickens you know what i'm talking about oh yeah i don't know if you can do this around the country

but here in in the grocery store so you can buy a whole rotisserie chicken from the grocery store

i would buy it and i would go straight to the sink and i would i would open up the box and i

I would sit there, and I would eat the rotisserie chicken right there over the sink.

You know, that's the best way to do it, right over the sink.

No utensils.

I would get myself, yeah, and right when I was done, I'd wash my hands right in the sink and throw it away.

That's the best way to eat a rotisserie chicken, man.

Saigon says you can do that at any supermarket.

Dude, I don't know.

I don't get around, brother.

I don't know.

I just say that the best way to eat a rotisserie chicken is you take it right to your damn sink and eat it right there.

You know what I got to try the other day?

It was really good.

I tried rotisserie chicken.

I tried a Myers rotisserie chicken.

Yeah.

It was the egg flavor, man, and it was really good, dude.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Publix, man, they've got this applewood one now.

Applewood flavor haul.

It was so good.

Yeah, I remember once, literally, I got home, and I bought a bunch of groceries,

and I just grabbed the rotisserie chicken, went straight into the house, and ate it.

I left all the groceries in the car.

I left the door open and everything.

and just said, fuck it, just went right inside the house and ate my chicken.

Then I went out and got the groceries.

It kind of makes you wonder, you know, what the hell a rotisserie chicken really looks like,

because it tastes damn good.

Yeah.

And how different they are in breeding than, like, a fried chicken or a baked chicken.

Yeah, because they've got fryer chickens and baking chickens, and, yeah, you've got a point, huh?

I wonder what the difference is between a fryer.

Cornish hens.

Yeah, Cornish hens

Those little frozen looking

Ball looking chickens, you know

Yeah, anyways

Yeah, so that's

Rotisserie chicken talk

Anybody out there, if you've never experienced a rotisserie chicken

Man, go out

Treat yourself on Friday, man, tomorrow

Go out, get yourself a nice rotisserie chicken

Eat it over your sink

That's right, and don't forget to invite

Rotisserie Wallace

That's right, man, eat it right off the carcass

That's how you do it

That's primal living right there for all men.

All single men should do that.

Get down to your boxers and do that.

And, man, you know, I'm in the mood to eat some crab legs, too.

I'm going to have to get some crab legs here pretty soon.

Eat those over the side.

Oh, how about you talking?

Yeah, man.

Eat a crab, baby.

You need to stop talking about food.

You come down to visit me on St. Croix.

I'm taking you and Tina to the Pirates' all-you-can-eat restaurant.

Yeah, you wanker.

I'm talking about food, you pillock.

He's just jealous because what?

What kind of food do they have with their shepherd's pie?

Ugh, nasty stuff.

Yeah.

Haggis.

Drain beans with no water.

Right, exactly.

Oh, nasty shit.

Those people eat...

They were drained out.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Are there any other news?

I see Kokanee, our news director, showed up a little late,

but he did send in some information.

Yeah, our medical source, Czar, did confirm, yes, it's ADD.

Yeah, but apparently a lot of, I do know that a lot of college students abuse Adderall for studying as well.

Yeah, the girl that I was getting it from, that we were doing it together, she said she lied to get it.

She said she got it to lose weight.

I guess apparently it helps you with weight loss.

And she wanted to get, so she just, you know, went to her doctor and lied.

And she had to go a few times to get on it.

But she said it helped her, you know, lose weight.

And she told me, well, you know, it's good for studying too.

I said, give it to me here.

Man, I had fun with that.

Let's see here.

Here, we already read the story about the guy in Manitoba.

A casino asked a smelly 440-pound gambler to leave after 17 hours.

Do you have a clip or a badger?

I couldn't find...

It's over at Live League, isn't it?

Oh, man, it is hilarious.

It's not hilarious, man.

The guy was eating somebody live, like raw, on the fucking bus.

How is that hilarious?

And they're talking about him using a pair of scissors to trim off like a piece of a deer and stuff.

Guy eating a guy.

I get it.

Good God.

Take that.

What's wrong with you, Mopan?

Roll that beautiful bean footage.

That beautiful bean footage.

Let me see if I can find it.

I'm on the site that had it.

That had the leak.

I don't know.

You have the name of the site.

I forgot it.

Live TV or something.

Boss Badger.

I don't know.

I don't know if I have it.

It was kind of long, wasn't it?

I don't know.

If anybody has a link to it, send it to me now.

No, it's only about, like, five, ten seconds.

No, it was pretty long.

I'm sure someone out there might have a link to it.

Send it to me.

If not, then whatever.

It's just a Canadian guy's like, hey, he's in the back of the bus, hey.

He probably has a link.

The badger's in the back of the bus, hey, eating the flesh, hey.

If Deuce wants to get a green star tonight, he can send a link right now.

I did talk to Hollywood, if anybody was wondering.

I did talk to him.

He said he was indeed out, like, a light last week.

How is Hollywood vagina?

He's good.

He was out.

He said he's doing much better.

He's able to drive on his own now.

he's able to put more weight on his legs

yes

he didn't make it tonight either it looks like

he's probably like you said he has to take a lot of meds

for his pain

and those kind of knock him out at night

but eventually he'll be back here in full force

but he is still editing away the shows

and I'll send him a copy of the show as well as I promised

wow Brutus

I'm just blabbering around here

he's also got one of the first models

of the Rascal Scooter

Madhouse Limited Edition

oh you know what that reminds me

me an article. There was a

rascal scooter race. Did you know about that a few

weeks ago? I keep forgetting to bring it up.

There was a race, an actual race of

rascal scooters that occurred not too long

ago. Let me see if I can find that

here. Anyway,

a guy named Michael Wax,

a 440 pound gambler, was

told to leave the casino after 17 hours

because he smelled so bad.

There's no question I stink, he said.

I'm not denying it. I do have an order

because he's been playing for 17 hours,

but he still filed a complaint. So apparently a very

a huge guy was kicked out for

smelling bad. Excuse me.

Let's see what else.

Let's see. A driver was

distracted by...

There was a naked female in the backseat.

She was changing clothes in the backseat.

I guess some guy was distracted.

Eh, not too good.

Lightning hits 91 spectators at a

racetrack. 45 hospitalized

with minor burns, but nobody seriously

injured. Jesus Christ. That's the

bolt of God right there. If God is telling you

you get the hell out a lightning bolt struck 91 auto racing fans at a racetrack in norway on sunday

and 45 people were taken to the hospital minor burns that's that's 91 lucky as ass people's

what that is man fuck that that's that's god telling you stay away from the damn fucking

stay away from that shit good god we're not doing a prank call stop playing that music

anyway

sounds like ass man

dude

that's insane

oh man

oh god

lightning

I don't mess with lightning

the minute I see lightning

I'm like

I'm going inside

uh uh

yeah but

dude you know

I'm going to miss

you know how much

it's hard to stay out there

and golf you know

the swing is lightning

rods you know

yeah but

hearing the story

about the guy

with the naked woman

in the back of the car

that got distracted

you know how much

shit I've done

in that car of mine

I'm looking at it right now

I can see it out the window

I'm going to miss that car

if I got to get rid of it

you know

that car is mean

I've had so much sex in that car

With so many different women

I've smoked so much stuff in that car

I've been to so many places

I've done so many bad things

So many good things

I've eaten so many meals in there

That's my car

I used to have this game

I used to play

I would go to Walmart

Walmart, right?

Baby, you can drive my car.

Baby, you beep, beep.

Anyway, I used to, I'd go to Walmart, right?

I would go to Walmart and, listen, God damn it.

I would go to Walmart and I would get a cart, right?

One of the grocery carts.

And I would open my window.

I would hold on to the grocery cart, okay?

And then we'd go all the way to the end of the parking lot.

And I would start going towards, you know, where all the cars were, you know,

from the very end

where there's no cars

and I would drive

towards the front of the store

where the cars were

and I would hold on

to the cart

as long as I could

I could get it to about

you know

15-20 miles an hour

before it started shaking a lot

like you know

you can only move

a grocery cart so fast

it's only designed

to go so fast

after about 15-20 miles an hour

it would start going crazy

so I would get up

to like 20 usually

on a good night

and I would let go

and veer to the right

real quick

at the same time

and that grocery cart

would go flying

down the aisle

and eventually

we hit a car

I think I might have said this story on the show before,

but there was one time I went flying down,

and I hit a cop car right in the side,

and I freaked out.

The cop, there was no cop in it.

Oh, hell no.

Yeah, the cop was inside, luckily,

and I freaked out.

I was like, oh, my God.

I let it go, and the thing went flying

right into the cop car and dented,

and I freaked out,

and I ran off,

and then I got in my cousin's car.

I told her what happened,

and she started laughing,

and she said, all right,

well, let's go see what happened, you know,

And we got in her car.

We left my car at the house, and we got in her car.

And we came around.

There was like five cops out there all checking out with their lights on.

I was like, oh, man, I'm going to get caught.

They're going to roll the video and find out my name.

I'm going to look those out.

Yeah, dude.

Got to look in lights, searching around.

Yeah, we called that the cart game.

This was actually a very funny story.

We had this adventure we used to do called Trash Light.

And what we actually did was we'd go around and get stoned.

and we'd look around at nighttime and figure out what night all the trash cans would come out

and be set by the curb.

So we'd plan it a week in advance.

Okay, next week we're going to hit this neighborhood.

We'd pick up our buddy's old beater car, man,

and we'd fly around the neighborhood about 20 miles an hour,

and we'd just pull off the side of the road,

plow over all the trash cans up and down the street,

and just turn trash cans off.

Me.

Then the fucking cops, we'd take off,

and we'd come back later on in a different car and watch,

and we'd just be laughing it was like christmas we had about like 50 bags of trash wrappers pizza

i got all that everywhere that's wrong man you're ruining it this guy was just like standing his

heads hands up on his head you know like trying to hold his head together like shaking his head

looking around we drove by we was dying laughing we were so high we laughed our asses dude yeah

that's the thing like in my when i when i first got that car when i like i used to like i would

get blazed and just do bad like and speaking of walmart like i guess in walmart it's a big thing

for people to do overnight rv camping in a walmart parking lot because they're well lit and they're

safe and they don't charge you to do it so i would uh i would wait till like two o'clock in the

morning me and my ex me and my ex-girlfriend we're a trouble man and we we would drive up i would

drive up to like uh like like one of these rvs that were parked like two in the morning you know

you know it's like maybe a family and they're sleeping and i creep up real close in it and

And then we'd blast the radio and honk the horn, like, hold it.

Like, we'd lean on the horn, like, meee.

You know, and sometimes they'd come out and yell, like, what the fuck?

You know, or we'd just see them looking out the window and laugh and we'd leave.

Oh, man.

Then this one time we were driving through a neighborhood.

They're kicking it out of the closet and they're holding it up, you know, pointing at the door.

Yeah.

Well, then this one time we were in a neighborhood, you know, driving, like, really late at night.

We were blazed.

And all of a sudden, I don't know, we're, like, we're driving down and there's, like, a beach,

Like a huge oversized beach ball

Like one of those huge ones

You know that

When you go to a concert

They start throwing them

In their crowd

You know that everyone

Starts beating all over the place

You know what I mean

Oh yeah

There was one of them

In the middle of the road

I guess maybe

I think maybe it flew out

Of somebody's you know

Like pool or something like that

So we spent like

You know 20 minutes

Going back and forth

Like I would drive up to it

And I'd go like 20

You know 20-30 miles an hour

And make it go flying

You know and it'd go down

The street

And then I'd catch up to it

And I'd hit it again

And then I would turn around

they hit it back

we were just having

a good old time

yeah

and I remember

and then the cop

showed up

and was like

alright you know

you gotta stop that

it was pretty

pretty good man

yeah

good times

why don't we

stone that set

and draw it

yeah

dude hey

hey Rick

let me go out

and do shit

that was

no

hey Rick

you had these

orange codes set up

right

you'd hit them

about like

10 or 15 miles

an hour

you'd take a whole

road up

and all the cars

behind you

would be like

dodging all over

the road

trying to avoid the cones flying up in the air and shit.

Right.

But we thought we was really cute, right?

So we went over a whole bunch of them,

and we sped off and left the scene of the crime, right?

We're driving probably about five miles later,

maybe ten miles later,

and, man, there's this smell like something burning.

Like, what the hell is that smell, man?

We stopped the car,

and there was a cone that got caught under the car,

and the thing was, like, melted clear in half

when we drug it down.

It was just about ready to, like, disintegrate.

Correctly, it was calling in.

We only have two numbers left here in Britain.

That's all we got left.

Lost and losers.

I think it was the bet earlier now.

Queen mother.

Queen mother's dead.

Reclude, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

WC Fields.

W-50, W-50, this is him talking.

This is WC Fields, yeah, you know.

Oh, Reclude, man, I'm sorry.

I didn't notice you were calling, bro.

I'm busy masturbating.

Scram, kid, you're bugging me.

Scram, kid, you're bugging me here.

Man, we've been just talking some trifling shit here.

Anyway, so maybe if Reclude gets a, gets a, well, here's someone else.

There's a guy called

There's someone else calling in here

Let me

Let me connect this person here

Let me get the cables right

Hello

Who's this?

Is this your cell phone?

Yeah I wanted to call you back

On the regular cell phone

Oh that's cool

Yeah I didn't notice you were called

Until just now

And I just tried to call you back man

Yeah yeah that's cool man

I know you got

Fucking busy shit to do

Yeah

How you been man?

Stranger?

What's going on with things?

Oh Jesus Christ dude

Yeah Blue Moon's become

Has become like a

Fucking scene of things

I was starting to like

Do all this crazy shit

Doing like

Video con shows

We had this

Wonderful party

Coming up Saturday

That's like

The theme of it

Is like pasty

You know what I'm saying

Like you know

The broads put over

The nipple covers

Yeah

So the whole theme

Is pasty

I got these fucking

Broad go-go dances

Coming out from LA

It's like

I mean this place

Is like the best club

And point being

Is that

I got a great idea

That I like to see tits

So I was like

Hey my buddy's got a camera

We got some lights

I hate the broads down there in films.

That's right.

And that exactly happened last night.

We're on the studio on the basement with Tiz.

We had, like, red lights and shit.

Okay, that's pretty.

Cinnamon.

Doing that shit.

Nice.

Now, I'm, like, I have to, I'm fucked up, so I have to, like, I basically take an Adderall

so I can stay up, like, 24 hours.

We're talking about that Adderall and coffee.

That's got to be, like, a really trippy combination there, man.

Oh, it is Christ.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's basically because so many crude knives in my fucking, these are, like, the

way I got impressed with his video shit.

Okay, good.

You got to do it right.

I have to, like, let me tell you, I'm right here in front of my desk.

Yeah, call me.

Rick was going to call right back.

We're going to do, like, two pranks because I only have two numbers left that we haven't hit up.

Yeah, man.

In-N-Out, man.

They got some of the best burgers you've ever ate.

I've never been.

I wish we had an In-N-Out here in Florida.

I hear nothing but good things about that place.

Really, In-N-Out.

If anybody from In-N-Out is listening, please.

If anybody from the In-N-Out chain of burgers is out there.

Oh, this better be Rick, dude.

skinner and they got this press because they use a hand press and they cut the fries right there

yeah that's what i'm talking about hell yeah right in front of you man the chopped meat

menu can't be they've only got about like 10 things on the menu

nine months ago man i gotta lose some weight yeah it sucks sometimes but i can tell you a

pretty easy diet that i've been going on it's kind of you have to tailor it but it's pretty

pretty simple, dude. It's just eat tons of chicken and get rid of, like, bullshit. It's

hard, because I'm fucking, I, I mean, I lost 35 pounds, dude. I went from, like, a 38 to

a 32. Yeah. Like, just dropped it, like, crazy, but it's not always fun. I took a weekend

where I fucked it. See, that's the thing, what happened to me, I actually did it here

for a month, and I lost, like, 20, almost 20 pounds. I lost, like, 15. Yeah. I did

chicken, salad, and, uh, and egg whites in the morning, right? Yeah. Uh, chicken

Chicken and salad, and then, uh, and salmon, that's all I ate, uh, like, no carbs, no rice,

no nothing, I bought, like, this low-carb bread, it's like five carbs a slice, you know,

for, like, the occasional sandwich with turkey, you know, that was it, but, uh, yeah, then

I, I had one bad weekend, and I, and I haven't, you know, I've, I've been bad with it for

the last three weeks, but I gotta go back on it, man, because I was, well, yeah, that's,

that's a problem, because, all right, they have this fucking pizza place that's, like,

right next door, like, that's, like, studio, and it is, like, one thing about Ohio that,

that, like, really confuses me is, like, so much bullshit in this state, but I'll tell

you what's not bullshit is the fucking pizza place.

It's good stuff.

For some fucking reason, this place just, like, kills, and they have, like, I mean,

I could take you around, just this dumbass town, take you around, and they have, like,

50 different places to get pizza, and they're all different, and they all taste like bad

ass.

That's cool.

So, the, my favorite place is Rockaway, and, of course, those motherfuckers, hell, they

make these pizzas that are, like, bigger than the table and shit we get, like, every

man comes in, phenomenal, I'm looking at tits right now, sorry.

the most phenomenal pizza it's like a large cost like it's like it's it's so anyway i got that like

these fucking metal band shit they're coming in here doing some shit and i'm like and i went on

it for like three or four days where i just ate one of those binge and now i'm cool though but i

still it's hard now it's probably you're in the same you get a taste for you like oh fuck you

know it's like i love food so much you have no idea like it's not even like i mean i'm like a

I mean, I don't know how you are, but I'm one of those people that just, like, if I like something, like, I'll sit there and find out where the best place to eat in town.

I will know it every time I'm driving this.

It's hard to pass it up, man.

Christ, the grocery store, forget about it.

The thing with me, man, it's like, you know, right by my work is a Wendy's, all right?

And I'm kind of broke right now, and to me, like, I can get up early in the morning and make my, you know, chicken or the night before, and it costs me more money.

I've got to pack it up.

I've got to put it in the fridge.

I've got to haul it up, you know, and I've got to get it down.

I've probably got to microwave it unless I want to eat cold chicken or something like that.

Or I go to Wendy's, and in less than three minutes, for a dollar, I can get a little cheese, you know,

one of those little, you know, one-dollar cheeseburgers.

You know, they've got, like, double cheeseburgers for a buck now.

You know, it's much easier.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, and it's, like, it's badass.

Yeah.

It's, like, easy food, and bam, like, I've had to, yeah, I've had to kind of rework my whole fucking eating.

Ugh, it sucks.

It sucks, yeah, because that's, like, too, like, if you can eat cheap, it's, like,

Like, it's kind of, it's almost like it's more time-consuming and more expensive to eat.

It's more expensive.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've got it down to where I go to this one place in town, it's like discount,

and I get, like, six chicken breasts, boneless, skinless Tyson for, like, $6.

Right.

So that roughly goes out, and I just cook them all at one time.

I just have them sitting in there like little packages.

Yeah, and then you just warm it up.

It is kind of a...

You know what I learned about cauliflower?

Like, it's cheap, and it tastes pretty decent, and it has, like, no really net calories or anything like that.

Oh, really?

Yeah, like, they got these, like, steam-in-a-bag, already-seasoned garlic cauliflower things and stuff like that you can get now.

Yeah, you put them in the microwave, and they're ready, like, in three, four minutes, and they fill you up, and they taste pretty good.

Like, they taste kind of like potatoes, to be honest with you.

Yeah, I mean, that's one of those things I shit.

Nowadays, I hope that one day I can get away from shit.

It's like now, fucking food is, dude, I've been getting.

It's just, I mean, I used to get hit on, you know what I'm saying, a hookup, whatever, but now it's like, Jesus Christ.

It's like a machine.

Like shit

Like the broads

That came out of the

Titty broads last night

Dude I had this one

That was like

She was a little bit older

She was like 30 something

But I tell you what

She had fucking

Double D's

Stag

I'll send you a fucking

Video dude

Yeah nothing wrong with that

She was wearing

They had these

Paisies

That were like X's

They were X's

Like little X's

Like Nelly

That's funny

Yeah just big X's

Actually

Cause they're

I'm surprised they covered

Turned up

Yeah I mean

It's pretty

Like they're all

Gonna be wearing them

Saturday night

It's gonna be

Cool

But anyways

Enough of that

Let's do some pranks

Yes, because I've got to get going.

I've only got four numbers left.

They're in the U.K.

Let's do it.

Let me get my warm-up here.

Now, what do we got to choose from?

I've got Michael Monti, Merrill Honey.

We've got two we called earlier.

This kid, this teenager who just called us, he didn't do too good.

He did okay.

Elsie Porter and Richard Porter also.

All right.

You got their addresses?

Wait, let me pull up.

Can you do it on Gmail?

Yeah, you're right there now.

Let me pull it open.

I fucking love Gmail.

Yeah, Gmail is sweet.

Here we go

Lonesome loser

A little lonesome loser

Yeah I think he went to bed

So this is all we got left from him

This is Michael Monty

I'll do first

Deal

Or you want to do a different one

Okay

Michael Monty

Let's

Whatever

Let's try

Try to figure out

Some stuff in the area

We're not doing

Any goddamn fire brigade calls

That was a bad idea

The fire brigade never works

That was kind of funny

But it like didn't

It was

It just like fucked up

Now I know where she lives

Yeah I got dressed

Right on Google

Alright cool

There you go

Alright hang on

Don't go anywhere

And nobody else go anywhere

where we're going to do some more pranks

and we're almost out of here.

Reckless on.

You're on, folks.

Yep.

Music.

Great demasonry.

Mason is

an important piece of property.

Freemasons wish to acquire it.

Acquiring this whole neighborhood

and changing up the street design

and all that.

Change to.

I have a grade.

The local fucker,

we're going to have him in.

He's a freemason.

He's pretty high up.

Okay, well,

Brandberg Road

and we're having a freemasonry meeting.

Give my number.

What's your number?

Elite Freemason.

What we're saying,

we know everything.

Everybody in the neighborhood.

We're making the rounds over around the streets right now.

As soon as everybody gets up for breakfast, we are there.

We're signing everybody up.

Local Fiber.

Jim Thomas will be there.

He'll be very nice to him.

He's going to sign you up for the Freemasonry, or you might have to.

I don't like that.

The Chief is the Chief of the F-

I mean, he's not very talkative, is he?

Goddamn.

Bland as their f-

What time is it over there now?

Let me check.

I got my little time stamp.

It's like fucking, wait, wait a minute.

It's like 5.

It's like 5.45.

5.45 a.m.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

This should be up.

Dude, it's scary, because, like, what you're doing is, like, giving me the address, and I'm just going on, like, Google Maps.

Finding where they're at.

Like, just...

It's like that, so you just call, you're like, I greened.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right, you get, like, Google Maps, like, the satellite view and all that.

Yeah, they got the satellite, like, I'm seeing this, all right, so this next broad, what is it?

Elsie.

Elsie Porter, all right, so we're going in, right?

And it's like, yeah, because I have no idea about...

Oh, my God, these houses are like, it's like the Beatles.

So it's all like

These tiny

You know how like

Over there

It's like a little

Tiny fucking house

Yeah but they're tiny

They're tall

They're not tiny

You know what I'm saying

They only got little

Fucking

Little backyards

Yeah well

They're tall

Apparently the deal is like

They're originally

Like the thing is

You only got charged

By the amount of

Land that you took up

So what people would do

Yeah so they make them

They make them really tall

Yeah but you'd have

Like a small

You know a small space

Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah

You know what I wish

It's gonna get worse

Like you know how

Like this is cool

You can see their house

It's scary but

You know in the future

I guarantee you

It's going to be like live

It's going to be like

Live satellite feed

You can call people up

And be like

Who is this truck

And you're driving

What the fuck

Well they've been saying

I think Microsoft said

For a while

They were going to do that

But it never panned out

But they're going to make it

So you can see it

Like in real time

Real time

A real time view

This is the last company

That needs to

Exactly

See shit

You know how fucked up

That would

What if I'm in a

Cause dude

What if I'm in the back

Smoking a fucking ball

Or something

Yeah, and the next thing you know, what if the cops are going to sit there and Google apps and look out for, you know, people locally there, you know, might be, oh, look, you know.

Yeah, dude, it's fucking, we have enough problems with fucking privacy acts and shit for that, dude.

Yeah, Microsoft is one of those people that, they're like, it's great and all this, but they don't understand, like, it gets to a point to where they want to, like, have control of your fucking wallet and all that.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not going to.

Yeah.

All right, so Elsie Porter, we called her earlier.

Bad boys.

A very old lady who said she had to switch the phone and he took, like, so she's, like, really, really decrepitly.

I'm sure by now

She's probably found

The new phone

So yeah

That should be fine

You know what's great

About like the younger ones

Trying to make like

Calls to younger ones

You know what I'm saying

People like our age

And younger

They know what the fuck's up

And the older ones

Just talking to them

Like get away

You know my accents

Are so god awful

Like you heard me

I was going in and out

To Americans

And then British

And then Australian

Yeah

It'll work

Don't worry about it

Alright

I'll support him

Don't go anywhere man

Zola is going to answer

I'm dead

Yeah, probably.

She probably fell down the stairs looking for the other phone.

You sons of bitches.

Watch, there's going to be a fucking article.

Thank God I'm not involved.

You're not making the calls.

You can't be traced.

Dude, I had such a great premise.

You have no idea what I googled in that short span of time.

Really?

Like where she was?

All right.

So I just said, what's around there?

Old lady would be interested.

Churches.

So I said church.

Barking Essex.

All right.

You pulled up St. Margaret's Church, right?

And there's a vacant director of music organist.

And I got a name off of there.

I got everything, dude.

I had it.

What an old fucking cunt.

F her.

Damn it.

All right.

And Lonesome's not around to get more numbers, man.

He's going to bed early.

Stay up until like late at night.

Now he's just like, oh.

Midnight, he's like his limit.

He's like, yeah.

All right.

Midnight.

All right, we'll do Richard.

Let me see.

Where's the other ones?

God damn it, I fucking love it.

Richard Porter.

I'll send him to you again in a moment.

Yeah, if you could.

I accidentally closed it out on my Google search there.

Well, these were confirmed, like, an hour and a half ago.

God, this is long.

I've been up all night here.

Oh, shit.

Those are the last two there.

Richard Porter is the next one.

All right.

Oh, dude, I'm about to have some really good numbers, just to let you know.

Okay.

Like, there's some good ones I just can't, like, obvious.

Yeah.

Because people, everybody that I know knows I fuck, you know what I'm saying?

So, like, dude, I've got numbers of, like, now, for some reason, the best DJs in the world.

Really?

I'm talking about, like, circuit DJs.

Like, I mean, like, if you look at the top ten of DJs, I could probably get, like, those numbers.

That's cool.

Just because I'm juiced in now to, like, club scene shit and all that.

And then now it's going to be, like, Hollywood numbers, dude.

Like, I can't.

I'm not even going to.

Yeah, well, that's not ruining it.

We'll just, we'll just pretty amazing calls, but, like, I'm not.

We got to, we got to let it work, yeah.

We'll let it work for your advantage first, and then we'll, we'll prank them.

That's fine.

Oh, yeah.

All right, all right.

Richard Porter.

Branch, did you need some time to research the, uh, the target first?

Did you want to do a quick search?

Didn't we already call him?

No, we did Elsie Porter was the last one.

Yeah, it was the one before that.

Yeah, no, we did Elsie before, and now we're doing Richard Porter.

No, no, no, because we did the guy before.

I could have sworn we did, like, her and that.

Yeah, Monty was the first one.

Monty, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, yeah, just send me the last two addresses.

I'm lightning.

By the time you're putting in the number, I'll have all the info.

Okay, there you go.

Send them to you again.

You got them now?

Richard Porter and Merrill Honey?

You know?

I'm sending in the milkman.

Duh, I'm sending in the wrong person.

That's why.

I'm no man

If you could send those

To me after him

There you go

Nice you got

Alright

There you go

See him now

Essex

What's the Lonesome Loser

Doing with the Essex thing

What is his deal with it

I don't know

I think this is weird

He knows it has some

Wacky people there

I think that's what he

Figures

Is that where all the

Wacks are

Yeah

Essex and like

Manchester are full of

Angry people apparently

That's what the deal is

Alright

Here comes Richard Porter

Oh we got one

Let's get

Because I had

Churches

Like I'm going to do

This old Monty Python

Try to get a fucking, and then, uh, Holly Benefit, uh, hold on one sec, give me just

a minute, and, uh, see here, on one sec, give me one more time.

Alright, alright.

Fucking, so where you work at again?

Where do I work at again?

Some networking bullshit, I don't even know what I'm, I got a promotion, though, just

now, and shit's starting to come out.

Oh, yeah, what'd they, what'd they do?

Um, yeah, we just do, like, internet for small businesses and big businesses, like,

no, like, residential shit, it's just, like, businesses, so I gotta make sure that their,

Their internet is working

And their internal networks

Are working

And stuff like that

You know

Just basically

Making sure that

DSL, T1

And stuff like that's working

What kind of internet

You get there

You get some T1

Or DSL

What do you got there

Oh we just got like a

Like a badass

Like cable modem thing

Cable modem

Yeah

It goes up to like

Like it started out

When we first got it

It only went to like 300

But now it's at like 1000

Yeah

I mean I'd

Fucking put it to the test

I got four computers

In this place

And at any time

Like at least two or three of them

or downloading fucking torrents.

There you go.

And just uploading shit to clients.

And so, all right, so Legacy Youth.

Dude, I got an email about a torrent I was downloading today.

Did you hear about that one?

What?

The week that Batman came out, I started downloading it in a torrent.

Yeah.

And I got an email from Comcast saying,

oh, yeah, we got a report from Warner Brothers.

Holy shit.

You're downloading a movie.

You're going to spend your time.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Yeah, forums, it's trippy, man.

They're like, you know, you've been detected by the lawyers.

Yeah.

Yeah, they fucking, they got a notice from Warner Brothers saying I was downloading their fucking movie.

Isn't that crazy?

The only thing that ever happened to me was one time they had, it was, what was it?

I think I tried to download, it wasn't Metallica, but it was like Sade or something.

Like, it was some retard that was on Sony.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, and it was like, yeah, dude, they fucking cut me off.

I think it was a Napster or something, and it just cut everything off.

Like, it just shut everything off and was like, you have been in violation of Sony Music.

I'm like, just like your mother.

And like, ugh.

Yeah, I got banned by Napster back in the, well, I got banned by Metallica back in the Napster days, the original Napster days, you know, back when it was free and open.

Yeah, that's when I got banned, yeah.

Yeah, that was bullshit.

Well, nowadays, it's like, what are you going to do?

I'll just sit there and download, the great thing is, dude, a lot of the shit I do now is on fucking wireless.

People don't understand how to fucking lock out.

See, I lock up, we have a wireless, I lock that shit up tight, but I'll just go like somebody else's.

Yeah, pick it up right there.

I live in a complex, dude.

There's, like, fucking, I can have my choosing of routers.

Yeah, they're all locked up around here, man.

All the wirelesses here, they're all passkeyed.

There's one, like, across the street, but it's, I can, I got, like, one bar.

Like, if I'm lucky, I can, yeah, if I'm lucky, I can pick it up, you know.

That's fine.

I live in an apartment complex where, I mean, these are dumb, man.

At least down there, they have, like, some sort of sense about, you know.

Securing shit, yeah.

All right.

So, the last one we got, Merrill Honey.

Let's do it.

We're going to give it a try.

Okay, here we go.

Don't go anywhere.

I always say that, but...

We're sorry.

The number you have dialed is not...

Oh, I dialed it wrong.

Please check the number and dial again.

Here, let me send you the best number in Columbus, and we can call that.

Okay.

Let me check this one again, though.

I dialed it wrong.

Human?

Peter, hear me.

No, I'm calling everybody.

Well, don't ring everybody.

Oh, no, no.

I have a purpose.

I have a valid purpose.

What?

I'm ringing everybody.

What?

What do you want?

Pardon me, ma'am.

Please, no, no, no.

It's not like, please don't speak harshly, madam.

Basically why I'm calling everybody is because I'm from the Legacy Web Church

over at the south end of town, and we're planning a trip to India.

And we would like every, what?

What?

Peace be with you.

Please don't talk.

He hung up already.

He told you to piss off.

What a cunt.

One more, and this is going to be a good one.

I will.

Send me that one.

Oh, fuck.

He's like, no, no.

Sent one all over.

This is the place where Richie Randall pranks.

And I actually know people that work with that.

They got some of the...

This is another pizza king town.

24 hours a day.

Hot campus.

Let me think.

Give me five seconds.

Just five seconds.

Count to five while I think of a...

Five, three, two, four, one.

All righty.

All right, here we go.

Balls on the wall.

All right, man.

Let's do it.

Hang on.

Eight minutes.

Your international call cannot be completed as dialed.

I'm going to make an international call.

Go and dial again.

All right.

I'm going to try it again.

Hopefully I didn't waste all my minutes doing that.

Asian girl working.

You know what I'm saying?

Man, I was, like, tipping him pretty heavily, you know, somewhat, but...

Is there a way to transfer me or something, man?

Or just, you know what I mean?

I can give you the f*** about all non-stemon pizza doubles.

they're nice, though.

Boys.

Yes, he's got a boy.

Oh, man.

Dude, you just, like, see in the heart with, like, a pizza cutter, man.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, all right, let's work something out, man.

Well, so, anyways, man, when it gets, like, 12 pounds, you're going north.

Yeah, it is East Patterson.

More of a...

But, uh, are you guys gonna bring the limo where the guys don't run that?

Well, you know, it's kind of Pompey-ant, you know what I mean?

I mean, every time you guys have that limo.

Yeah, but I don't want to be taking these pieces.

It's like, oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Well, man, whatever we gotta do, man.

I'll give you, I'll give you, yeah.

They're hard to prank down there, except, like, I, see, I got them really, I got a couple of calls.

He said it pretty nice.

He actually checked out, you know, checked into that girl.

I mean, yeah, she's fucking, now, there's, I said something about VD.

Sorry.

I said a joke, she overheard it, got pissed.

Okay.

and it was a dumb

I was like hey

didn't your

give my dad VD

in Vietnam or some shit

oh my gosh

you got pissed about that

you know it's funny

I mean it's

of course

she's Asian

she's a dumb chick

she'll get

yeah well

just looking for

she doesn't understand

she'll get pissed

yeah exactly

I don't understand

let me just get pissed

because I don't have

a sense of humor

we just can't get it

guys want to

it's just like

it's one of those things

yeah dude

I'm spent tonight

tonight was a big

fucking

it was cool

it was fun though

we almost got it

it was cool

one of these days

We'll make a successful

No

It was still fun man

It's good to hear you

Oh it's always fun

Oh yeah

It's always fun

Success or not

We always have fun man

Yeah man

Well anyway

It's good to hear you again

Yeah you too man

Be safe

As always man

Yeah I'm a

Shit

I'm gonna be anything

But safe

I'm on like

Beating

Staying awake for

I think a 48 hour period

Is in order

Yeah

48 hour period

Motherfuckers showing up

From LA tonight dude

Like in

12

No about

16 or 17 hours

and I got to have this shit

like looking like

fucking Hollywood.

Fuck.

Well, good luck with that, man.

Good luck with all the videos

and all that shit, man.

Thanks, man.

I'll have to send you

some samples.

Yeah.

Once I get these,

once I get this shit done,

I'll send you like

even just a sample

of what happened

in Blue Moon.

Yes.

Dude, I...

Send me some pasty chicks,

you know?

That's what I want to see.

Yeah, it's been

pretty much like

softcore porn

at Blue Moon

for the last...

Nice.

Plus the other day

with a girl sucking candy

and doing all this

oral shit.

Wow.

Jesus Christ, man.

Awesome.

Yeah, you want to get a new job?

You want to be a secretary or something?

Yeah, sure.

I'll head up there, man.

I'll do it.

Give me a six-month internship or something like that.

I'll head up there.

Fuck it.

College credit.

How about that?

Yeah, there we go.

We can do the whole cocaine thing or whatever it is you did with the other intern and the coffee and all that.

What was that?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Please don't bring that up.

I will.

I'm sorry.

That bitch isn't here.

Talk to you later.

That's the reclude guy there.

Wow.

Who the fuck played a boo?

Talk.

Man, he's going wild, man.

Yeah, dude, let's get out of here.

Milkman, can you think you can do it in like two minutes?

You think you can squeeze it in?

Oh, man, I'll tell you, I'll do it.

But you can't in two minutes.

Two minutes, lover.

You're kidding first.

All right, man, I'd like to thank all of our friends out there,

listeners over at syndicate radio dot TV,

all our kiddie showers over there,

Dino and the gang, thanks a hell of a lot, man.

Man, we had a good time.

I hope you enjoyed yourselves as much as we did.

Also, all of our friends right here at 98.6 The Mouth,

all of our old VIPs...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Milkman, Milkman, Milkman.

It's good to see you.

Milkman, we got breaking news.

That Cyan Pranks Mr. C guy is holding up a dildo in the webcam now.

Yeah, he was, yeah, yeah.

I saw that.

You didn't see it?

No, I just noticed it now.

It's like red.

It's on right now.

All right, where were you?

Yeah, yeah, he slid that up his ass, man.

He's getting a suck on it now, so...

Oh, God.

Junior Homo at work.

It's IndicatorRadio.tv right now.

Watch a young fag blossoming right here on camera number one.

Watch all our friends right there, man.

He puts out six to a mile.

I like to thank you.

You see all of our good old friends over there.

We've had the Lonesome Loser, the Hardest Working Man, the Number 10 Man.

Same prank called Radio Noonie.

Also, our point man, our guard, our knight from White Charingan.

A bunch of friends, Kokanee, and our T3 Clay.

Thank you to our old metal holders.

Thanks a lot.

We still haven't had a good time.

And welcome back.

Also, Deej, he stopped by, and he lost his green stripe tonight.

Thanks for losing your green stripe.

And that'll be a yellow star for you.

Thanks a lot.

Also, all of our friends there at Bluehost Planet.

That's right.

Our server, we want to thank you so much.

Well, without you, it wouldn't be possible.

My brother, my man, thank you so much.

It's all about you.

That's right.

You are listening to our voices right now.

We'll find out.

To the mad ass, you know that we appreciate our listeners

because we provide the most interactive radio program on the Internet right here for you.

Every week, Thursday, all you have to do is call in, spend a little time with us,

and we'll drop the dime to you.

That's right.

Send us your friends.

Send us your enemies.

They're all welcome here.

We look forward to seeing you again next week.

But do not forget, without our fierce leaders, we are the militia of the madhouse.

That's Joe.

Carlito.

We couldn't do it without you, my brother.

Thank you so much, my brother.

It's been a real pleasure.

Had a wonderful show tonight.

Thank you so much, man.

Big, big for that.

Up to you, man.

Thank you, Ed, for calling in, too.

Duncan, thank you.

Allie, thank you.

You, too.

Thank you.

Big kisses.

Thank you.

We're out of here.

Goodbye.

A boarding show.

Thank you, Tuck.

Mike, Tucker, Mike, dot,

Tucker, Mike, dot, com.

Tucker, Mike, dot, com, right?

Tucker, Mike, Mike, Tucker?

Mike, T-U-G.

T-U-G, Mike, dot, com.

T-U-G, Mike.

Thanks to everybody who listened tonight,

and thank you.

Of course, thank you to Lonesome Loser Milkman.

I already said that he's not listening now,

but I do want to thank Lonesome Loser for all the numbers.

And a big thanks to Reclute and everyone who called in.

All the dead shatter's titties.

That's, that's actually, that's pretty,

that's not bad at all.

He must shave.

Yeah.

Yeah, or he's hairless.

Yeah.

Who called in?

Jonathan?

Reckloop called in.

Jonathan called in.

The Bad Boys called in.

Cyan Pranks called in.

And all the ladies on the webcam, thank you for making this possible.

Because if it wasn't for you, we would not have done the show.

Bye, everybody.

We will catch you here next week.

Oh, hang on.

Hang on.

I did want to mention Go Team USA.

This weekend and starting this weekend from the next week and a half, two weeks, whatever it is.

Everyone, be sure to catch the opening ceremonies tomorrow.

Support your team wherever it is that you're listening.

I didn't team Britain or team wherever you're listening, team Australia, whatever, you know, but whatever.

Go team USA, especially in basketball, man.

Come on, bring it back, fucking dream team, all right?

The redeem team, do it now.

All right, four years ago, we got embarrassed in Greece.

You know, we got a good squad here.

We got Kobe Bryant, LeBron James.

Who else is playing?

Dwight Howard from O-Town, my hometown, Orlando, Dwight Howard.

Let's do it this time.

Let's bring back the gold for basketball in the United States.

Let's do that shit, all right?

Fuck it.

Got you here next week

Hopefully when I'm back next week

We got some wins

Thank you for joining in the madhouse

That's right

And yeah

Bye

I better have your pencils ready

No just me snoring

House Radio comes live

Thursday nights at 10pm eastern

Why don't you shut the hell up

Fuck you

Fucking penis

Yes

Be sure to visit us online

Online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (18, 54 min of 2 h 42 min)

Transcript

Comments 0