2008-08-21 Show

Who the fuck is this?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The motherfuckers.

Ladies and gentlemen, right now we'd like to get ready to introduce the star of our show.

The young man you've all been waiting for, Mr. Soul.

So what do you say let's all get together and welcome him to the stand with a great big hand.

Honky donky, do what we do.

Hey guys.

What's up?

Madhouse Radio is back on the out.

It's dry, we're back in the house.

Hey, everybody. Good evening. Thanks for joining us here tonight.

We're going to be having a good show tonight, aren't we, ladies?

All the ladies in the house, grab your titties for hip-hop.

That's right.

Yeah.

I love them, man.

That's right.

So y'all titties, so y'all titties, so y'all titties, and so y'all titties.

Artie's got hard nipples. Oh, no.

Artie's got, Artie's tweaking them nips.

We got a fist on the neck.

Oh, man. Hey, everybody. Thanks for tuning in tonight.

We're going to have a good show tonight, I hope.

Planning on it.

We ad-lib everything here

But we still have fun on a nightly basis

You can reach me here tonight

Over on the Madhouse Radio website

MadhouseLive.com

Once again, it's MadhouseLive.com

Also get a hold of me here

In our flagship station

Our flagship station

That is SyndicateRadio.television

SyndicateRadio.tv

SyndicateRadio.transvestite

instant messenger or a yahoo instant messenger machine you can reach me at madhouse radio that

is my screen name on aol and yahoo instant messenger madhouse radio if you're using msn

messenger you can also get a hold of me there as well that is madhouse at live.com madhouse

at live.com for msn messenger users yeah we got options out the wazoo here everybody we got it

all covered of course we also have a toll-free line that's right the time and we got the time

That's right.

And, of course, Milkman will give out the toll-free line right now.

If you want to call us here later on in the show, don't refrain from calling now.

Give up, brother.

What is that?

I can't wait.

Do it now.

It's just 888-278-8509.

That's right.

888-278-8509.

Right.

Call us tonight.

888-278-8509.

Thank you very much, Milkman.

We've got a lot of people tuning in tonight.

They are filtering in slowly here, our assemblage.

And we'll be giving a formal introduction to everybody who we see in just a moment.

We don't have much on deck here.

We're mostly going to be a loose show here tonight.

Of course, we always do the prank calls,

and we'll touch on the topics of the day they come up.

I don't know if you guys,

you guys probably can't note from the window here outside,

but we've been stuck here with a tropical storm by the name of Faye.

Big Faye, Big Titty Faye.

Yeah, I was worried about that.

Didn't even know if we were going to be on or what.

Titty's over there, Charlie.

He's controlling around that thing.

It is just, it literally, this hurricane,

it never turned into a hurricane.

gain um it came in i'm in central florida i'm in the center of the state uh this tropical storm

came through on the west side it took about a day and a half to cross the state so crawled up

it actually gained strength over land of all things i mean that's like something that's never

been seen before actually the the storm itself gained five miles in wind uh over the southern

part of florida and they and they surmise it actually gained its strength from the from the

waters of the uh of the everglades the swamps down there so anyway so we got we didn't get

we didn't get hurricane uh forced winds or anything but what we are getting we've gotten

rain and rain and rain it has rained um it started i see it started drizzling i would say

on wednesday morning early maybe like around 4 a.m and uh it has not stopped we get a light

drizzle and then it becomes a very heavy rain with wind and then the subsides and then it

It continues to drizzle.

Like, there's been constantly water falling.

So, everything is flooded.

The streets, the parking lots, the lakes are all capped out.

It's a nightmare to drive.

Oh, man.

We got hit right at the rush hour going home today.

No one's walking around in bikinis anymore.

Nothing like that at all, my friend.

No, no, no.

Wow, it's crazy.

It's dark times, dark days, and times indeed.

What was that?

I think that was in the Bible.

What was that?

The middle man says something.

What was the adventure you had on the way home as I spoke to you?

Yeah, I called you to let you know at 5 p.m. rolls out,

that's, you know, rush hour, everyone gets out of work at 5 p.m.

And, you know, we were lucky.

It drizzled all day.

Drizzle, drizzle, and it's really cool.

It's kind of odd.

You go outside, and it's a drizzle, but sometimes it's like a mist.

Like, I got up this morning and looked, and I'm like,

oh, it's a foggy day.

It must have stopped raining.

It's just foggy now.

You know, maybe the humidity and the morning effects and all that.

It's just foggy.

and I get outside and it's like this, the rain is coming down like a mist.

Like, very, very, like if you had a little, you know, one of those little pocket misters

and you're spraying yourself in the face.

That's exactly what it was like.

It was the weirdest, weirdest thing.

Right, yeah, trying to keep cool.

Yeah, exactly, yeah, one of those, yeah.

So, 5 p.m. rolls around and we get this torrential downpour and wind.

I mean, there's limbs flying everywhere.

I passed two cars that got hit with limbs, like on the road.

They're driving on the road and a limb just came down, crash, right on top of them.

A bunch of the stoplights, you know, the traffic lights were out.

There were cops out there and a few accidents.

I saw a few cars that got stalled out on the side roads.

It was a nightmare.

Yeah, it took me a long time to get home today.

So, yeah.

That's Florida for y'all.

Fortunately, you had that blue raft tucked away in the back there in the hat.

I made it home.

You never got home, man.

25 by 30 foot raft brought me home.

I paddled it and everything with my hat.

It sat right here.

It wasn't for this hat.

I'm a licensed paddler with this captain's hat.

But seriously, the funny thing is the storm gets out onto the other side of Florida,

the other side of the wang, as we like to call it here, America's wang, Florida,

and it just stalls.

It stalls and it sits out there for about 12 hours.

So this rain keeps coming in and rain keeps coming in.

So we're looking at about another 24 hours of this rain.

And I don't know how much more we can take.

I'm going to have to get up really early to go to work tomorrow.

But luckily, the power has stayed on throughout this storm here,

although other parts of the city have had brief interruptions of power.

So, so far, so good here, which is a good thing.

And we hope that the power doesn't go off in the middle of the show just my alone.

Yeah, keep watching the radar.

We're near there in Florida.

Have your blue wrap handy.

Right on.

We've got, how many listeners we've got?

We've got 81 people in Syndicate.

We've got 15 people on The Mouth.

We'll make 96 and another 6 people over on Justin.

And so we have 105 listeners right now.

Very good.

Lonesome Loser just checking in as well.

What's up, my brother man?

How you doing, bro?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

What's up, man?

Real quick, I want to let you guys know I had the pleasure of visiting the Soma Cow Studios here in Orlando.

They're a podcast internet radio station that broadcasts.

They have a few shows that are on their network.

They're over at somacow.net.

Soma like the pills, you know, the painkillers.

somacow.net

S-O-M-A-C-O-W dot net

check them out

I think they should probably be uploading

my whole one hour interview

they had me on there

they played some madhouse pranks

we talked about the madhouse

what we do here

we talked about prank calls in general

and the jerky boys

and prank calls

how to do a good prank call

it was really really freaking interesting

I had a great time

great people there

and I might be a little more involved with them

I might be able to maybe

Maybe, you know, just they invited me, you know, for their barbecue that they do every once in a while.

Maybe make an occasional appearance, I would hope.

Hey.

Really cool people.

Man, networking it.

Yeah, networking it.

But they're really cool people.

I want to thank everyone.

So, everyone, be sure to visit, go over to thesumacow.net and check that.

And I'm sure my interview, I don't know if they're going to put it up, but I'm pretty sure they would because it was really cool.

They have great facilities there, too.

They have, like, a nice little, you know, homemade studio way better than what we got here in my place.

so it was really awesome

cool people

so anyone check that out

so what is it

like a podcast

kind of operation

or what exactly

yeah they have about

four or five podcast shows

and basically

it's a congregation

of people

like minded people

that like to do

their own shows

and stuff like that

and they all put in together

to set up a little studio

in one of their houses

and it's a pretty nice place

it's really

I mean they have

a really

I mean they have

gear that I

wouldn't even begin

to know how to acquire

financially or even

know how to put it

all together

but dude I mean

I'm watching them

do their show

and they got like

you know four people

somebody's got to

hook up somewhere

yeah they've got

one guy and he's

just he's on the

levels like they

have one guy

he's just on the

levels and he

chips in every once

in a while and

he's writing down

notes they had a

big white white

board on the

side with all the

topics listed by

hour and they

had all their you

know their you

know PCs all set

up and they're

communicating back

and forth I'm like

Like, man, this is...

Are you trying to give a hint to us that we should be more professional?

Well, it's hard to do that because we're...

Are you trying to say something?

Well, it's not easy, no.

And I was telling him, that's the difference between what we do here in Madhouse.

I mean, Tuck, you're in Tennessee.

Milkman is all over the country.

He's in California, Virgin Islands, wherever it may be.

I'm always in Orlando.

I know where Milkman is.

Yeah, you know, Gangrene hangs out with us.

He's in Atlanta sometimes.

You know, we get people from all over the place that help out.

Lonesome Loser is in a different part of the country.

We're all

I mean I'm just one guy here

But through the power of the internet

We're all

You know

We're all together

But

Yeah

It would be cool

I would say

It would be cool

If we were all together

In the same spot

I think this

This

It would be really cool

You know

Anyway

Let's continue on

Yeah

I gotta light my cigar again

It's about to be the 2009 show

Everybody

That would be the

When someone shuts in

A few million dollars

Yeah

I wonder how much

That set up cost

Yeah

If I had that kind of money

Dude

Oh

Dude

So the saga continues, by the way.

The saga of my car accident, my wreck, continues.

Here's what I found out.

And I would like to remind you, I will remind you that I was deemed 100% not at fault

by the Florida Highway Patrol officer who showed up for the car accident,

which occurred, we're going on three weeks now, I believe, right?

So the lady retained an attorney, despite the fact that the accident was her fault completely.

And she's saying now that she's going to try to fight it.

She's going to go against what the police officer said, that the cop wasn't there when it happened, that the car said to move.

Apparently, she's saying that I was on the wrong side of the road.

Apparently, the way it sounds, for her to be saying, you know, what happened.

Yeah, I got pictures.

I took pictures.

Yeah, you know, the way her car hit mine, I would have had to have been driving down the wrong side of the road,

and she would have plowed into me from the side.

I don't understand it.

But anyway, I did get my check from my insurance company for a grand total of $1,798.08,

which is the cost of the estimate of the repair minus my $500 deductible.

That's what I'm talking about.

Fire it up, fire it up.

So now the problem is I have to come up with that $500 deductible,

and my insurance company said that they're going to fight her insurance company

and get it back to me in the form of a check.

I really don't have $500 to pay right now,

so I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to have to, I guess, save up $500 or acquire it somehow.

I'm getting a student loan here in a few weeks

since my school term is going to start here next week on Monday.

So I guess I'm going to have to add maybe $500

to the amount that I take out of the student loan to cover this,

And I probably will get my $500 back

Oh, probably sometime in 2010, I guess

I don't know

I don't know how this shit works

But, yeah

It's a bunch of bullshit, man

Man, that's fucking ridiculous

It is fucking ridiculous

Man, dang that bitch

Man, seriously

Yeah, I don't know what else to do

I gotta get my car fixed

It's a freaking nightmare, though

If anybody has any suggestions

On something I can do

I mean, honestly

The police report says

She's 100% at fault

I was sitting there

To turn left in a left-turning lane

and the woman plows right into me

and now she's saying that the way the cop said it happened

is not what happened

and her insurance company went out there to take pictures

of the intersection

and the thing is the cop

the reason the cop said it happened like it did

was because he saw the debris from my car

in the fucking turning lane where I got hit

right where I said it was

and she's saying well now her insurance company

and her are saying well

traffic could have been moving around

and it could have kicked up the debris and moved it over

we can't prove that

so i don't know how it works oh hell i don't know oh my god what the hell is she thinking

there's a gale or something a tornado off the bumper or some shit come on i don't know yeah

honestly it's it's really whack very whack i'm not i'm kind of disappointed you know and people

you know right when i start being a little more trusting and nice to people in general

i have narcissism i've been diagnosed with narcissism by by therapists before and right

Right when I'm on meds for it and stuff, and I'm coming down,

and I'm more trusting of people, and I don't look down on the general public out there.

I'm not rude to people in public.

This is kind of personal, but I do have a problem with that.

When I'm in public, I have a thing where I don't take well to strangers smiling at me or looking at me.

I don't say hi to people that I don't know.

I don't open doors for people and stuff like that.

It goes back to when I was a child.

then right when I start getting a little better with it

here comes

someone plows right into me

and then starts lying

and then now I'm on the point again

like oh why

you know why

why trust

why trust people in general

why trust these people

narcissism

that's a cool name though

what does narcissism mean

isn't that like some kind of Greek

ancient Greek thing

wasn't there some guy called Narcissus

Narcissus

right

and he

yeah they're in love with their own image

didn't he like jerk off to himself in a mirror

or something all the time

and he turned old or something

or turn into a stone

or something like that?

Wasn't it something weird like that?

I think so.

I think it's the same.

I'm not sure if it's the same myth or not,

but yeah.

Yeah, something like that.

I think he'd like to look at himself,

but I don't like to look at myself.

It brings me down.

It brings me sad.

All right, anyway, so prank calls.

Let's get some numbers here.

We got a few requests, by the way.

We had two requests come in during the week

from a lady named Lisa.

Lisa.

Yeah.

And we got a request also earlier today

from Steven Silva

sending a request also for a prank call

for us to do to a friend of his

is in Canada, some guy that works in Home Depot.

Home Depot, one of the great sponsors of the Olympic Games

and the largest employer of Olympic athletes.

There's a big thing about that, but I won't go into it now.

It's boring.

Have you guys been watching the Olympics at all this week?

I got tired of it.

I got burnt out on the Olympics over the weekend.

I had enough.

A little bit, yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah, you know.

I think everyone's going to have enough.

I do want to see table tennis, though.

Table tennis is always really cool to see.

I haven't found it yet.

I haven't been able to catch it yet on TV.

I watched the beach for the volleyball girls and a couple other things.

I keep missing the basketball games because the basketball games are on at 8 o'clock in the morning.

The men's basketball games.

And the problem being that Microsoft and NBC got their little buddy-buddy thing.

So you have to install Silverlight in order to watch the games online on NBCOlympics.com.

Silverlight is Microsoft's version of...

it's their alternative to Flash, Silverlight,

which is, it actually looks really good.

Only problem being, we've tried many ways

to install Silverlight on our computers at work,

and we're completely blocked.

We don't have the administrative rights to do it.

We can't get around it.

So, we can't watch the games live at work in the morning.

So, I just, you know, I follow the score.

But this weekend, I know the final,

the gold medal game is this weekend,

but I do understand that I've seen the highlights

and stuff like that,

and Team USA's kicking ass, LeBron and Kobe.

You'll be able to watch this weekend if you're not working.

Yeah, this weekend.

I think the final game is on Sunday.

I think they play one last game.

I think they play a game tomorrow,

and I think they play Sunday's the gold medal game.

Or did they play today?

Or they're playing Argentina tomorrow.

What's going on?

I think they play Argentina tomorrow,

and Argentina's the team that beat them four years ago, I believe.

And they have four NBA players on the Argentinian team, I believe, also, right?

Is it Argentina or Venezuela?

I don't know.

Yeah, and Dino's saying boxing and soccer.

The boxing has sucked this year.

I tried to watch it, man.

In the Greece ones, in Athens ones, the boxing was on spot.

I was watching Tony Atlas and all that.

But, yeah, man, the boxing this year has been, really, I couldn't get into it this year.

No good Cuban fighters.

My brother said he tried to watch it, and pretty much he said the same thing.

Yeah, it was not good boxing this year.

And I did want to catch some wrestling.

Hopefully maybe we can get some Greco-Roman wrestling tomorrow or tonight or something like that.

I don't know.

Just saying.

I haven't seen any wrestling this year, period.

Yeah.

I haven't even heard anything about wrestling.

Dude, did you guys see the guy who twisted his arm doing the weightlifting?

We were in softball.

I wasn't talking about that shit.

Did you see the guy?

I heard something about weightlifting.

What happened?

This guy, he was deadlifting a huge-ass weight,

and he got it up to his elbow or shoulder height,

and he went to push it up, and his elbow twisted,

it and did a complete 360.

You got to watch the video. It's the most horrific

thing you'll ever see. I'm sure it's on

the YouTube.com thing. Yeah, look at that.

Look up like Google

Olympic weightlifter

elbow twist or something like that.

It'll freak you out.

Oh, man.

Did he break his arm?

I don't know.

I think his elbow

dislocated and then it twisted around.

If you can imagine twisting

your elbow, like your arm,

at the elbow like 360 degrees yeah that's exactly what he did yeah and he didn't win

he did not win all right yeah anyway you know what was really curious thing that i did notice

i was looking over the stats for all the gold medals and i noticed that like china was topping

the list so i like to get it all together and i put it together and considering last week that

we discovered that the gold medals were made of 99.9 percent lead and gold paint on them that's

I think they planned ahead of time, and that's why they went in with all the red medals, see?

Yeah, well, I did notice that China's ahead, but only in the gold medals.

The United States is still ahead in total medals.

Apparently, you know, the U.S. is still winning in the total medal count.

I understand that China did make a big effort, that they did want to win the medal count,

complete medal count this year, because it's in Beijing.

They made a big deal.

They had a whole plan, and apparently...

Yeah, they're cheating in every way they can.

Yeah, well, they, you know, they're trying to, you know, they got to do it.

They're doing it.

They got to do it.

They got to make the big medals.

Yeah.

Right.

They got to do it all for the country.

It's kind of not fair because being the host country, they automatically get a place in every event.

They don't have to actually qualify.

They can be in every single event.

So they've taken advantage of that.

So I know they're ahead in the gold medals, but in overall medals, I think we're up by like 20 right now.

So, you know, USA, still kick ass.

All right, guys, come on.

let's uh yeah mikey's asking 99.9 percent lead it is something insane like that the gold medals they

they did a test and is a huge proportion of it is actually lead that's a rip-off man i'll be pissed

i will be pissed okay anyway so we got a bunch of numbers should i call a call from the lonesome

loser man we've got the royal dragon chinese excuse me royal dragon chinese cuisine we also

have mr walk's modern chinese cuisine we've got we've got the cattleman's steakhouse steak in a

basket hey there you go saucies pizza subs and barbecue uh wow we got a ton of numbers he's just

sending him like crazy red robins never been to a red robin before uh pizza bank restaurant joey's

tomato pizza and pasta see what's good here suza brothers liquors security liquor store an indian

guy let's call security liquor store an indian guy answered there just a little bit ago been a

while since we called in uh an indian guy here in the show where they're located at

You should offer Carl to the dead sometime during the night

because his mouth is bleeding.

I mean, maybe it's a bleeding mouth from a dentist mishap or something.

He's afraid that he's going to lose a lot of blood and he's going to die or something.

So we might want to check with him during the night or something.

We'll check with him before the end of the night.

Ashley here on AIM is saying,

Hey, Carlito, could I ask you to restrain from using the R-word?

It deeply offends me.

What's the R-word?

I don't know.

say what

what do we say

alright well no

R word retard maybe

did I say retarded I don't know

it is not retarded

I didn't hear you say retarded

I didn't hear it either man well okay

we won't say the retard

what is it

don't we have a prank about

don't call him retarded

I have a cousin

You know, my little cousin, Karen.

Here's my little sweetheart.

I love that girl.

She's got Down syndrome.

I don't, you know.

We just joke around here.

I make fun of Spicks all the time.

And I'm a Spick.

I'm the biggest, fattest Spick in Orlando.

Shit.

I had an older cousin growing up who had Down syndrome.

And I have no, you know.

All right.

Well, no problem.

We'll refrain from that.

To prove that we're friends of retards, we will go ahead and play this prank call here

called Don't Call Them Retarded.

This is from 2007.

Well, then we have Gary that comes on before you.

Gary the R, I guess.

And, yeah, Gary the R.

And, like, he wouldn't, you know, what do you call him?

He doesn't understand.

He doesn't know.

He's weird.

He's happy.

There's some bones about it.

Did we, did we, on the Stern Show when they put him on that fake rocket and took him to the moon?

Oh, man, that was funny.

Oh, shit.

Okay, anyway, come on.

Yeah, he's happy.

He's great.

Hey, good for him.

Here's a prank call.

We're going to be doing our own prank call in just a moment.

Call in the liquor store.

You're going to these helpers?

Yes.

Helpers, what do you do exactly there?

We raise money for the mentally retarded.

Why do you have to call them retarded, yo?

Look at, who's calling?

I don't like you calling people retarded, yo.

Yo, that's messed up.

Yo, why you got that?

That's here.

That's our board of directors.

Yo, that's messed up.

Yo, why you got to call them retarded?

Who is this?

You know they're listening, right?

Well, they're not listening.

Yeah, they are.

They know what you say when you call them retarded.

Do you want to talk to our director?

Yeah.

About it?

Well, don't make...

Transfer me, come on.

Transfer you?

Yeah.

Well, she's at this number.

Take it down and call her in.

No, don't give it out, yo.

She's listening.

What are you talking about?

Yo, don't be retarded.

She's listening.

Who is this?

Come on, let me talk to her, yo.

She's at a different number.

What's the phone number?

I'm able to call you.

Yo, don't give it out.

I don't place a damn international call.

Man, I'm only down...

I can't buy any more minutes tonight.

You are retarded.

And I'm down to 24 minutes available.

I hope that didn't take out any of my balance, because it'll do that.

It'll try to make an international call when I didn't mean to.

Let me double-check that balance.

Hang on.

That fucking thing.

I got some packet loss here on the VoIP line.

Okay, good.

We're still good.

All right, let's try to call that again.

Let's play a song while we're out of here.

This one's called Out of Space by Billy Preston.

Straight out of the 70s.

Just a moment.

We're going to try that again.

All right, we got someone on the line here anyway.

Never mind.

Hey, Blue Iris, how you doing?

Are you soaking your Depends?

You are.

Turn down your radio.

Sign, if you're going to do that, you've got to turn down me in the background because it sounds freaky.

Okay.

So weird.

Hold on just a second.

All right, yeah.

I know that was you.

Nice try.

Hi.

What's that?

The other day, George had a huge party.

The bachelor party?

Yes.

Richard and Sally.

What was the word?

It was one time my first Yankee game and when my daddy sucked my cock.

Sounds like crap, Si.

Come on.

if you can hear me

turn it down

I'm going to clear the line

in a second

to call back in

Jesus Christ

this is the prank call

he'll call back

and be normal in a second

call back in Siam

just don't

don't play the audio for us

because it sounds like

I

Horrible.

Zolar's tattoo.

I think I might have Zolar do a tattoo for me for my bachelor party.

That fucker is wicked, man.

They've been unanswering over there now.

That sucks.

See what you did, cyan pranks, you punk.

All right, let's continue on.

We've got a ton of numbers here.

All right, we're going to call Amy's Burger Shack in just a moment.

I've got bad news.

We've got a really bad phone connection.

I think it's probably because of the weather.

I'm trying.

Could be. It's been raining all day.

All week.

More than likely.

Man, I wasn't ready to go there.

It was like 30 or 60 inches straight of rain.

I failed to mention.

What do you get for putting all the phone lines on the ground?

The actual, our roof is leaking, actually.

The studio, right back there.

Amy? This is Amy. How you doing?

Hey, sweetie.

Hey, when was the last time that you guys stocked up on the kegs?

What is it? I don't understand it.

Amy, sweetie, you guys want to stock up on the kegs?

Sir.

Amy, how you doing, baby?

Amy, she's not here.

Well, Amy said to call in about the keg delivery tonight.

What?

Amy said to call in about the keg delivery tonight, sir.

No, actually, you know, Amy, she's gone for almost two years.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, what did you say?

She wasn't there now, but when is she going to be?

I have to deliver the kegs.

No, no, we don't need that.

She's gone for two years.

That means, I don't know, when was your last time to talk to her?

Well, she put down every Thursday we're supposed to deliver five pony kegs of Bud Light.

No, no, no, I think you got the wrong number.

No, this is Amy's, right? The Burger Shack?

Yeah, but I don't know what you're talking about.

We do the back-to-school party every year at Amy's Burger Shack for the high school.

We bring in kegs of beer, so...

I don't need it, we don't need it, and anyway, thank you very much.

Well, sir, you better pay for these kegs.

You better pay for the kegs.

No, no, no, no.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm going to work.

Can I put them in the back door, sir?

Hello?

Please call.

I'm calling back.

Please enter your desk.

Amy Spokashek?

Hey, man, if you don't take these kegs, I'm going to lose my job.

And Mr. Valente is probably going to take my other stuff.

What I'm talking about, really, don't call me for that, okay?

I have a contract.

I have a contract with Miss Amy to bring in kegs.

No, no, no.

She didn't do anything like that, okay?

I know her, actually.

What did you do to her? Did you tie her up in the back and you did something to her? Is that what you did?

What?

Are you with the Yakuza? Who are you? Who is this?

Okay, but I don't need to talk to you, okay? Don't call me for that.

What's your ID number?

It's a call. Press 1.

I thought the white girl talked to you.

Press 2.

Me so funny. I'll talk to you.

What are you going to do about this?

Police. I have your number here. 407-454. I'm going to call the police.

I'm blocking the number

I called you the R word

The number that I'm spoofing my calls as today

Or is the number for the lady who hit my car

Oops

Sorry

That'll teach her

The guy's in the chat room

ID number 3334

Dude it's good to hear from you

How you been man

I'm good man it's been a really successful month

You know what

I'm not gonna lie to you

I'm not gonna sit here and lie

And pretend I'm like

This big listener

I haven't even listened to it

But man

Somebody called

So I called

Well you're a busy guy

Are you still making them sandwiches

No

I'm back in McDonald's again

Making

Well I don't make no sandwiches

I just

Went with the girls

At night time

There you go

Man I'm telling you

It's a good thing you left

Because

Those

Quiznos subs

They're good

But they're

Overpriced

They're like 10 bucks

For the large ones

The good ones

And they got like

A lot of calories in them man

Like I would think

Like, I was going to get a sub, you know, a nice sub, you know, nice and baked and all that.

It would be nice.

There's like 1,000 calories in some of those subs.

And I didn't even put mayo or anything in it.

Yeah, you know.

Actually, they do get the mayonnaise in it.

Some of them do.

Yeah, I know.

You can add it if you want.

But, like, I tried to go light, and then I looked up online on one of those websites that, you know,

does all the fast food places, and those Quiznos subs are worse than, like, you know, getting fried chicken.

Uh-huh.

Might as well go to KFC and use it.

And, like, you know how, like, you go to Subway and stuff, how, like, they show you, like, the calories and stuff?

Like, Quiznos, they don't even show you the calories, none of the sandwiches.

Yeah, because...

Even online, they don't show it to you.

Yeah, you had to go to a special website.

I don't even know how they do that.

They probably take the sandwich and grind it up and...

How do you find out the content of a sandwich?

What do you do?

You blender it up and then, like, you know...

You probe it.

You give it to some kind of special dog that sniffs it out or something?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so.

They register the amount of calories and shit.

Yeah.

Check out the dog shit and all that, yeah.

Well, that's good, man.

Congratulations back at McDonald's.

It's one of the most successful franchise companies in the world.

I guess.

Money.

I don't care.

Fuck it, man.

Money is money.

I get paid.

You know, if you make manager, it's no joke.

Seriously, to be a store manager at McDonald's is not easy, but if you do, you actually make

some decent scratch.

That's no lie, man.

That is no lie.

Hey, you want to do some prank calls with my friend?

Sure, yeah.

You got a preference of restaurants?

We got some...

It don't matter.

Restaurant.

Let's do a restaurant.

Yeah.

I got a ton.

I got, like, everything.

I got, like, liquor stores, restaurants.

Restaurants, I got taverns, bars, pubs.

This is a restaurant.

A restaurant, okay.

We got Burger Hut.

Let's do Burger Hut.

Oh, we got the Burger Queen drive-in, too.

That might be fun.

All right, let's do Burger Hut, all right?

You're in the chat room right now.

Are you in front of the computer still right now, my friend?

Yeah.

I'm going to send you the details in case it comes up.

All right, where are you?

Your name is DJ Glow Worm.

Face that there.

This is going to be in Oregon.

Favorite state to say.

Sounds like a sexual part.

Oregon.

All right, hang on, everybody.

I'm going to play a glow-worm prank.

I think I have one, too.

Get everybody acclimated and get ready for a glow-worm prank.

You know what?

I don't have it ready, so fuck it.

Never mind.

Uh-uh.

I think it's what it's going to do.

I've got one.

It's called Cha-Cha Chicken.

Isn't that what I've got?

It's a good prank.

Maybe I don't have it.

Cha-Chicken.

You still like one of the times that I crack up the loudest on this show?

Here we go.

I found it here.

Was this one time you did the prank where you told a lady you were going to do a spin

kick and break the glass or something like that?

I don't remember.

I remember it faintly.

Yeah, I remember it like that.

All right, man.

Well, here we go, everybody.

Listen to this, and we're going to do some more pranks.

Hey, it's Glover.

Hello.

Sorry?

My mama told me to call and get some chicken wings because she got to go to work.

And my grandma, she done passed out next door because she be drinking all the time.

My mama said to tell you that we need some food.

Actually, I just want to get this a little bit.

Can you speak a little bit more up?

Okay.

My mama said that she want us to get some food.

Okay.

Y'all have food, don't y'all?

Crackle and Lund.

She only works during the day.

Okay.

Well, what position do you have at this time?

I'm a night manager.

Okay.

Maybe you can help me out with this.

All right.

This is going to sound kind of crazy, but I've been calling different places, and none of them will let me do it.

All right.

So, my uncle, he's in prison right now.

He's planning an execution for next Saturday.

He found a meal.

He wanted to be at Burger Hut, because he loves hamburgers and stuff.

He said at Burger Hut, they have some of the best burgers.

He's only in there for, well, they charge.

with uh a homicide what happened was he shot at a guy and the guy got scared and ran and got hit

by a car and they blamed it on him you know he wants to know well actually i want to know so i

can let the jailhouse feel okay for him to come in there sit down you know have a couple burgers

and throw all gone and maybe hold that straw before you go for the injection you think that's

a possibility i have no idea you would have to call the owner and i mean he won't try to kill

nobody in the store well i know his bipolar might come in if he gets the wrong kind of ketchup he

has things for her it's just a difference but you know well you'd have to you'd have to talk

to the owner and she's the one that makes as a matter of fact if you want to you know i can like

have you i can put call him they all can talk maybe we've got to do something like that i don't

know um if you want to talk to her she's working in the morning she's calling in the morning you

You know what, make him, you know what, if, if, girl, I think he would appreciate it if, like, the whole staff came down there and saw him at the jail, you know, and at least ate a burger in front of his face so he can kind of taste it in his mouth a little bit.

I, I can't make that decision.

I'm trying, I'm trying to, I'm trying to make my uncle's last meal something good, you know what I'm saying?

I know.

He don't want, he don't want no, he don't want no S-car snow, he don't want no, uh, filet mignon, he want some Burger Hut.

Yeah, I know, um, but I can't make the decision, though.

Well, can you write him like, you know, like kind of take a hamburger and smear it on the paper like a burger?

I like a scratch a sniff. Hope I could do that

Hold on. Why are you laughing? Oh, no, I know

You're not laughing a customer. I know you know, you know my over my last

I know I know the time scratch and sniff make you wanna laugh a little bit, but don't laugh

Oh, no, no too late for a proper like the one that me my uncle do this people like you some man

I am after him at the shoot.

Him buying a pair of shoes too small and walking in front of me.

And he don't shoot the guy.

He ran in front of the car.

My uncle.

Yeah, justice is terrible these days.

People just get the wrong idea.

You got the wrong idea about me.

You want to judge quickly.

No, no, no.

You got the wrong idea about me.

I'm just trying to figure this stuff out.

For one thing, I don't have an office.

I'm just an employee here.

I don't make the decisions.

Sorry.

I appreciate you saying that.

I'm sorry about your uncle.

And I'm sorry about the justice system.

All it is is a white man trying to pull a black man down.

This is some Rodney King type stuff.

Sorry, can do.

Like you care about what I'm talking about?

In the last two minutes.

Yeah, you have.

No, I haven't.

I'm sure you've been smiling, smirking, giggling like people do.

I don't appreciate it.

See, now you're being prejudiced against us.

And how do you know if I'm white or not?

I can tell you're white.

I could be Mexican or I could be black.

You're not.

If you're, you know, Mexican.

You're not Mexican.

How do you know I'm not?

If you're black, you relate to Rodney King.

America, I blame you for killing another black man.

It's your fault.

Hey, you're right.

you know i'm right you're right you better you better realize you're about right now because

people like you are killing my uncle yeah what if it was your uncle we're telling me to laugh

about you know my murdered five years ago so i know how it feels when part of your family okay

well um ma'am uh you were laughing at me so apparently i you don't want no sympathy from me

i mean no this is serious business i told you from the get-go this is some serious stuff and

I guess that's a thing for...

Not mustard.

You know, you know what a fat thing is?

Something wanted to kill him,

broke his head with it.

Well, his is full of grease.

Why are you going to say that?

And since it's so full of grease,

you're going to say,

your food is too good for my uncle

who's on death row to eat.

But you know what?

It's for people's decision

to eat fast food

and get big

and have cholesterol.

I have a question.

Do you smoke cocaine?

They know it.

Talking kind of funny.

What the...

Under the influence at work.

Like, you kind of, you know, a little...

No, I'm not.

Okay.

My question.

You might as well come down there and talk.

Oh, actually, I know her.

Yeah, after an hour and a minute from the phone, man.

By no burger, huh?

Oh, God.

All of a sudden, she's got some agenda.

Well, my brother got murdered.

Yeah, that's some funny shit.

You're the man.

How did she stay on?

Place a call.

People are asking, how did she stay on so long?

You got this gift, man.

You just keep...

They just hang up on me after a while.

She's just staying on.

I can keep them on the phone.

Yeah, man.

DJ.

We hit the right button.

Why is this?

I called Katie at like 3 o'clock.

And for an hour and a half?

Yeah, how I did it, she just kept, I kept throwing more BS in there.

Fine, whatever, man, that's whatever it takes, that's good.

I guess, I just threw it out there, and she kept taking the baits, and I can give it to you.

Good stuff, man.

Alright, I got an Egyptian woman at the Egyptian Tea Room and Cafe, and catering.

What do they cater?

What does a tea room cater?

How do they cater?

What do they cater?

What do you think?

I don't know, shish kebab?

Oh, I have an idea, go ahead, I have some, I want some tea.

You want some tea?

I got some.

You know, I want some tea.

Some red tea.

They got teas of every color now.

They got white tea, red tea, green tea.

You know what?

As a matter of fact, my ex-girlfriend lived down there in Atlanta.

Yeah.

About two hours from where I live.

And me and my Mexican friend, who can't not speak Spanish, we went down there.

And they had this place that was called, like, Tea something.

All kind of teas in there.

They had teas, like, different names.

I'm going to use the word lifted.

They had stuff like monkey butt and princess tabia, that kind of stuff.

It's all the same.

How do you get so different?

It's like weed now.

They got, like, you know, the creepy tea.

It looked like it, too, because I had something.

It sounded attractive.

Right here.

Don't be afraid to get your money back.

Fuck that shit, man.

You know, when I go to Epcot over here, they got the Morocco Pavilion, like the Morocco.

They have no, like, every place in Epcot you go to, they got, like, a Mexico-based China, Japan, Germany.

They all got a drink.

you can all you can get alcohol they got bars so you go to germany you get yourself some

german beers you go to mexico you get yourself tequila coronas margaritas britain they got the

ales and all this and you go to morocco a damn muslim country you can't all they got is tea

but they they put some they put like this rose water tea and if it kind of it kind of gets you

loopy i mean yeah i mean it does they got some like potent caffeine strain tea pineapple express

Express, Bahama Mama stuff, I don't know, they get around the rules, they know how to

get around those rules there, they chew that cat, you ever heard of cat before, K-A-J-T?

I don't like talking about my personal business on the air.

I understand, I understand, that's fine, we don't want to get into that, but hey, let's

call the Egyptian Tea Room, alright man?

Go for it.

Alright, we're going to do that, everybody, our good friend DJ Glowworm, any progress

on that CD you've been working on for three years, is that ever coming out?

As a matter of fact, I have been making progress.

See, what I've been doing was kind of doing a whole bunch of calls.

I started going back and picking the ones out that I think were really funny.

Right.

So instead of people buying a CD and listening to like, you know, this call is funny, next one not.

You know, it's kind of funny, but it kind of goes down a little bit.

Yeah.

Like, everything's going to be hilarious.

I had this one phone call, man.

I called this refrigerating company.

I told them that they sold me a freezer with an endothelium in it.

Endothelium.

I did a whole bunch of stuff.

I called this place

Encino man

I called this paranormal place

And I told them how

I did you know

I did a flea

And I told them

That my accident

He came

And he killed my cats

And now my cats

Are ghost killing me

And the whole time

I'm on the phone

I'm freaking out

Playing all kinds of

Cat sound effects

In the background

Are your pranks up anywhere

Do you have like

A MySpace page

You want to throw out

Or anything like that

Actually

I never got around

To making a MySpace page

I mean

They're all about computing

And I don't really do

The whole KDK thing

It's really easy.

Well, some of your older stuff is over at KDK Prank calls

and under DJ Glow Worm if you get a chance.

I don't mind giving that out.

KDKprintcalls.com.

Kill, death, kill.

Hi.

That was cool.

I don't know how they got there.

People get it.

They float around.

They get around.

It's like getting pee out of a pool.

Once it gets out there, out there.

All right, don't go anywhere.

We're going to do this next part.

All right, my man?

Play some new music.

What do you say?

Let's play some Bob Marley, yeah?

Let's do that.

Let's go get it.

I'm going to check your G-Trop, man.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Man, I can't do anything.

I got you.

Milkman's reporting.

He got logged out accidentally of the NowLive room, the syndicate room,

and you can't get back in there?

I had to refresh, but now I can't get back in.

Is there anything we can do to kick out Milkman's ghost,

using him in there so we can get him back in the syndicate room?

Much appreciated.

Do you know any of the guys that have a...

Milkman82.

Yeah, we've seen him there.

He used to keep telling me.

Yeah.

You tried cleaning out your cookies and all that?

It didn't work?

I tried.

Yeah, I tried shutting the router down and restarting it.

All right, well, we're working on it, man.

The word's out.

We'll let you know.

Thank you, sir.

Thanks, sir.

Good job, PJ.

Yeah!

Now, enter the number you wish to.

We got this crackle in the line because of the storm.

It sucks.

You just contained this, Mandy?

What's your name again?

My name?

Your name?

Mandy.

How you doing?

I'm good.

How are you?

Good.

Okay.

Questions for you.

This says, uh, made in catering.

What kind of catering?

Um, well, we basically, um, our whole menu, and, um, we serve a lot of different sandwiches

and stuff like that.

We will make the stuff here.

What happens to have pita sandwiches?

Pita sandwiches?

We have a gyro, or we have, um, different, like, pita pizzas or stuff like that that

we do with the pizza.

Okay, so what kind of, like, what's your, like, the most popular trades y'all have?

Um, we have, uh, turkey sandwiches on focaccia bread, as well as ham.

What was that again?

You said, what was that?

Nova Scotia bread?

Focosha bread. It's basically like an herbal white bread. It's got... No.

And then we put filled greens and like a pesto mayonnaise on it.

Pesto? Y'all put like...

No.

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just kind of trying to figure this out. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

That's okay. We also have more extravagant dishes like salmon.

I have a question. Sorry to cut you off here. I never really get too good in school.

So, the word extravagant, does that mean the same thing as scrumptious or delicious?

Yeah, it does.

Okay, go ahead, Coachie.

I'm sorry.

Well, actually, you know, we have a whole menu and everything.

If you wanted to come in, you could take a look at it.

See, that's the thing.

Right now, my car, it got stolen yesterday.

Some dude down the street said I owed him some money for some crack.

See, I never done crack in my life.

He said I like to crack head.

So, I can't come down there right now.

That's why I decided to call you and, you know, see if you could help me out this way.

Okay.

Okay, well, I do have a lot of customers I have to deal with, so as far as convenience goes,

if you wanted to call back at a later time, then somebody can be more thorough with the menu.

Ma'am, listen. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm black. You're about to make me raise hell.

Okay, well, then I can actually have you talk to the owner if you want, and you can be angry with him.

That sounds good. Let me do that.

Okay.

Nothing about no bad, son. Nothing about no bad, son.

Whispering.

Sure, what can I help you with?

Okay, people whistlin' stuff at me, cause I heard the whistlin', I don't know what whistlin'

The lady was bringin' me to that, you had some concerns, what is your concerns?

I mean, I say the blessing, hang me out, what is the point you wanted to address with?

The point I had to address was, I'm tryin' to figure out what kind of dishes y'all have

Said somethin' about y'all have, like, herbal sandwiches and scrumptious dishes

But I'm not sure as to what kind of food y'all servin'

We gave you a dessert,

we have salad, we have cheese, we have chips, we have a full team, baby.

Sounds stupid, but the sandwich man is, I can't understand words that have like four syllables.

Man, it's so bad.

Well, I don't know if you heard, really, but we got to try it.

I'm about to go.

See, but then I forgot he was like a Puerto Rican or something, so I figured, like, he could just run and jump over to Georgia.

Oh, we survived.

Puerto Rican's nothing.

That's just nothing.

Yeah, you run over here and you don't just jump over into Georgia.

I sold my spam on you.

I had it all for nothing.

The lights didn't go out.

I might break into the spam here before the show's over.

I'm kind of upset, you know, not to get, I got, and I want to apologize to Athena.

Apologize to Athena.

They got upset at her.

We went to Walmart for a hurricane shop.

What did we get, Athena?

We got water, right?

Tuna, peanut butter, you know.

My idea for hurricane preparation, I buy a loaf of bread.

I get some peanut butter.

You can live off of that for a while.

I get some, you ever see the saltines?

No.

Oh, you got to look at it.

It's good stuff.

That's just off a cracker.

Before when I...

And, uh...

We got some...

Spangler Spam was gone.

They had Spam.

They had Bacon Spam.

Bacon Spam?

That sounds kind of good.

Spam.

Bacon-flavored Spam.

I don't know how they do it, but it sounded good.

I don't know, because we can't find it.

Torn the house down and everything, and I've been looking for it all over the place.

I can't...

So I don't know if we didn't put it in...

I don't know if we didn't get checked out, or if we could see it in Austin when it got here.

Found the Bacon Spam.

I was getting ready to put it in.

George Foreman Girl is going to slice the Foreman Girl and put it in between some bread.

What kind of idea for hurricane preparations would be?

What was that?

A house bottle of Hennessy and a watermelon.

And a watermelon, big-ass watermelon, just cut it up.

That's a good idea, you know.

If I could have a watermelon, it's too much sugar for me.

I'm diabetic, but.

Oh, well.

Yeah, yeah, man.

All right.

Hey, Glow Warm, man, thanks for calling.

It's been fun, my friend.

All right, bro.

It's always good hearing from you.

Will do, will do.

All right, bro, see you, man.

All right, man.

That is DJ Glow Warm.

Warm.

Good friend of the show.

Excellent pranker.

My bro, man.

You've been pranking for probably more than three bucks.

Yeah.

That's how long me and DJ have been pranking, dude.

I can see it on my...

You got the megaphone.

I can see it on the camera.

Why is the video frozen?

You can't get your camera out, dude.

No, what happened to the camera?

It's frozen.

It's acting real slow.

I don't know, dude.

What's going on, man?

I got various.

That's the only one I got.

The water is in the rain.

I was looking to see inside, kid.

Whenever I'm talking to...

Anytime I'm talking to the bullhorn, the light's like...

You can light it up a little, turn it aside.

It looks kind of cool.

Anyway, dude, this sucks, man.

All the videos messed up.

The line is really crackling.

And it's not because of anything except for the fact that it's the weather.

Yeah, you're losing a lot of bandwidth.

Yeah, it's freezing up again.

I could restart it if I wanted to.

Excuse me.

Anyway, so...

As long as we don't kill the show, dude.

Don't kill the show, man.

We've got it going on now, baby.

Yeah, we do.

Let's play some music here.

Someone requested some Curtis Mayfield.

I'm a big fan of his music.

Push your man.

All right.

There we go.

Curtis Mayfield here in the background

while we get ready for the next prank

we got a lot of requested pranks

in here that I said earlier we need to get to

I want to thank whoever did that for me

Dino, whoever

yes, good, you're back in there

got a lot of people

checking in

right, right, right

we got a lot of people checking in here tonight

so yeah, we got to keep doing the prank calls

I'm going to call the chat, Cafe Indian Cuisine

that's in Roseville, California

I got to charge up the phone card here real quick on my limited funds.

But I still got to do it.

It's only like five bucks.

It's okay.

Anyway, listen to this prank call we were playing earlier by DJ Glowworm.

Cha-cha chicken.

It's a funny call.

It's about four minutes long.

That should give me enough time to charge up a card and get back in the business.

Just a moment.

More prank calls in a few minutes, folks.

don't go anywhere hello mister yes y'all have food if you have i have what you say y'all have food

you know like like yeah like uh like spaghettios no a spaghetti or no actually this is what mama

said for me call and get some food because we're supposed to go me and my little sister supposed

to go next door but my grandma she drank all the time she an alcoholic and we hungry okay so your

Your mommy's going to come out here?

No, my mommy told me to call y'all and get some food.

And you're going to pick it up?

Well, how much is it?

All right, look, I have one plate of three pieces with two sides.

The price is $8.60.

Well, see, my little sister, she allergic to chicken.

Y'all have anything kosher?

No, no, man.

Oh, well, see, my grandma, she was, she told my mama that she was going to come down there and pick it up,

but she's not passed out from drinking all the alcohol.

Okay.

So, y'all can't bring it to my house.

Where exactly are you living?

You're living around the area?

Yeah, to be honest with you, I'm in the backyard up in the treehouse because there's somebody in my house,

but me and my sister, we're so hungry.

Where exactly you are?

Where am I at?

I'm at my house.

But where is your house? Where is it located?

I'm in my treehouse in the backyard.

But I need the address of your treehouse.

My treehouse?

Not a treehouse.

It's in the backyard.

You see me up there. I got a flashlight and everything.

But the thing is that we don't deliver.

See, my grandma, she wasn't going to come get it.

I went over there, and my grandma, she got mad, and she kicked the cat out of the house.

And she told my mama she was lonely.

If you're in a rented area around Ocean Avenue, I don't know where is your house.

I don't know the address.

I'm in my treehouse in the backyard.

I know where you are in your treehouse, but I need the address to get there.

What is the address of your house?

Mr. Sir, I'm only nine.

Wait, wait, wait.

How old are you?

I'm only nine.

That's why I talk, because my mom, when she had me, she was a crackhead.

Like I said, man, if you're living around here, maybe I can deliver it, but you have to give me the address.

Well, if you want to, I can meet you down the street on my bicycle, and I'll give you the food stamps.

All we need is some chicken.

Look, man, I don't have any delivery now, so...

I mean, because, see, my grandma, she got some money, but I'm scared to go over there because she's crazy.

And, but I already called the police.

She said that if your grandma is an alcoholic and that's crazy, you should call my grandma.

I called my grandma's house because she told my mama she had me some cookies.

And where's your mama right now?

And I finger-painted a picture for my grandma, and she threw it in my face, and paint got everywhere, and then she kicked me.

And your little sister, how old is she?

My grandma, she's, I think, she's old.

No, no, your little sister.

What was that, mister?

Where is your little sister?

She's sleeping.

All right, look, man, I got people, I'm busy right now.

So give me a call again and see what can I do for you.

Get my grandma up.

Can you come drive me?

Because she's drunk.

Hey, she, what can I do for you?

Just give me a call later.

Okay, good.

I think we're fixed.

Wonderful.

Let me know everybody in Synecdoche.

Let me know that video's back

Everybody in the mouth

And then syndicate

Let me know if we're back up

Yeah

Video's back

On both ends

Good

We got confirmation

Alright good

We fixed it

Thank you sirs

Awesome

Give me a second here

We're going to do the next

Prank call of the night

Yeah

The phone card is charged up again

We've got

That's the numbers in the UK

Let's see if we've got

An international card we can use

And

Lutz and Luz are sending in

Tons of numbers

Ooh we've got Dunkin Donuts

It's been a while

Since we had fun

With the Dunkin Donuts

Just going to give one a call

This Dunkin' Donuts here is in LA

Whittier Boulevard

Any idea where that is, Milkman?

Whittier Boulevard, know where that is?

What is it called?

Whittier Boulevard?

Whittier

I don't know that one there, Chuck

You know that one?

I don't know that one

Bullshit, I'm telling you

Maybe it's downtown, dude

Hello

Good evening, how are you?

I have a question for you

Okay

I think the reason why your line's crackling

Is because

Down there?

Yeah, I can look it right now

It's real

You guys can't see in the cam

My cam isn't that good

But it's coming down in sheets

Like, you know when they

I don't know if you've ever heard of

There's sheeting rain, but it comes down almost like in waves.

I can see it in the parking lot and the travels.

It's really wicked.

Let me look at the radar real quick here.

I'm going to take a look at the radar.

Can you put that up on the cam?

I can.

I'm not going to pick up.

It'll screw everything up.

If anybody wants to see what I'm talking about, go to NOAA or whatever.

Look at the weather radar for Florida, and you'll see I'm in Orlando.

You'll just see it's a big swirl, and this is a big line of storms.

It just keeps coming and coming and coming.

It keeps hitting us and hitting us.

going to get a little bit of a break here around 1 o'clock

in the morning. Looks like it's thinning out a little bit.

Are you going to take shelter, or what?

No, no shelter.

But after that, there's another big

twirly bird of

more storms that's probably going to go through Tampa

and then come right into us.

Is this like the third time it's made landfall

already? Yeah, third time,

and they're expecting a fourth landfall.

Oh, God. Yeah, it's

a storm that will not die.

It's a storm that will not die.

You're on cam over there, CT, huh? Yeah, tomorrow.

And number four, you like those white shirts, don't you?

Well, I was wearing my black shirt earlier, but I took it off

and then fucking Artie took his shit off and he was vomited,

so I put mine back on thinking, you would, and he didn't,

so I said, you know what?

Yeah, look at the...

Anyways...

Those white shirts, I hate to interrupt you,

but those white shirts, to me, they stick to my skin too much.

They're not too comfortable. I don't feel good.

I'll wear them under, like, I'll wear them as undershirts,

but they make me look thinner when I wear them, you know,

if I have them under or whatever else I'm wearing,

But like just wearing them by themselves

They stick to the skin

And they give me man boobs

And right there

I've got the man boob problem

It's not comfortable

Man boob

Yeah

Sounds like the name of a movie

Man boob

Oh well

Alright

Well I have a proposal for you

What's your proposal

Yeah give me your proposal

I don't know

I've really never tried this before

I'm not going to

No it's not that

We use a prank phone call

Using the Blue Irish Soundboard

Over there

Okay

Is it going to sound good

I don't know

Because you know

You've listened to the other

It sucks.

I've already heard you do it.

And you've heard one of them.

There's a few spots where I had to cut out, like, just, you know, dead silence.

They don't talk, you know?

Right.

They're shit, you know, down.

I'm going to go snap and pop.

Well, you've got to be fast.

You've got to be fast with it.

If you think you can do it.

Yeah, you've got to be on the button.

We'll give it a shot.

How about we call a service?

Well, the crazy thing about the Shopko call, that was snap, snap, snap.

I have a couple of lines here.

Some of them, they might hang up.

Here's one of them.

I'm on mute.

Volume down.

Here we go.

I think I'm really calm.

It's got to be louder.

Okay, louder?

Louder.

It's got to be louder.

If you're going to do it good, it's got to be louder.

I have four fingers up my wrist.

All right, that's workable.

Even a little bit louder than that.

Can you get any louder than that?

Four fingers up my wrist.

There you go.

That's perfect.

Is that better?

Yeah, that's good.

Okay.

Now, if you think it can be faster, then we'll call it Dunkin' Donuts, and I'll let

you go wild and see if it works out, all right?

Let's do this shit.

Okay, now, this is a Dunkin' Donuts in, what do we say?

Whittier Boulevard

I'm going to call

Torrance instead

this is an Indian woman

who answered

maybe it'll be

well it might be

fun to mess with her

an Indian lady

oh epic

epic

look at you Mr. Wow

alright

Jesus Christ

what was that

alright hang on

everybody

okay it's got to be louder

you're close

you had it before

oh yeah

my fingers

took my wrist

that works

right there

see Ganger Green

is shaking

hey Ganger

alright don't go

anywhere man

we're going to do

that prank call

hang on folks

don't go anywhere

here we go

this is amazing

oh my god

God, that was so funny.

I don't get what...

The sound boards, unless you get something typed in directly to the phone line,

I don't think it's going to work.

Omega Mark...

No, I don't.

And I can do it for the next show if I can get in.

Maybe, maybe.

Work on that.

Work on it.

That's a point for personal improvement.

All right, Omega Mark is sending an IM here.

Carlito, I've got an idea for the best prank.

You need someone that has a southern white accent

and someone that can talk like a black woman

and they're married and you can call a guy about talking dirty to his wife

and the white guy is the son of the local KKK leader

and he's married to a black girl.

That's a lot of reading.

And you're sending me this through...

Sounds like a concept for him to do.

Sounds like a concept, yeah.

We've got to work on that.

It sounds like something I can't do the last four years.

I can't help you with a southern accent.

I've tried southern accents.

Let him do that.

Well, I used him stuff through AIM and I didn't see it.

Oh, that's not good. Don't do that.

Is he still talking?

Well, it's up right now.

I mean, uh...

Hi.

We're calling the Indian Cuisine.

This is Ashoja Indian Cuisine.

Is Cayenne not hung up yet?

I'll start it off, and you jump in when you feel the need, all right?

Oh, I think we actually lost...

I'm just going to have to go with it, you know?

Just jump.

We'll go off the cuff.

Just jump in when you can, all right, man?

All right.

Some more Curtis Mayfield.

And you know, Megan Mark, I am not his kid.

You tell him.

Okay.

Stand up for yourself, Cayenne.

Fuck it.

I just want to know why you're hitting my poo-poo.

I don't like turds in my pool.

New Seas, I've been talking to Will.

I see he's in the syndicate room.

Hey, how's it going?

Is this the Indian place?

Is that the Indian place?

Oh, you guys do naan bread with the onions inside?

Yes.

Hey, did you know that some people, like if you have trace amounts of peanuts,

that they can actually, like, maybe choke on the food?

Do you guys have peanuts at all that you cook with there?

Um, kind of, yeah.

Well, see, the problem is my, he's not, well, I say he's my roommate.

I mean, you won't tell anybody that we're actually, like, in a relationship, kind of?

Uh-huh.

Do you have any qualms about homosexuals and stuff?

I mean, he's my partner, you know?

We say roommate and...

Really, I'm sorry, um...

This is serious business, okay?

Okay, I understand this is serious business, but I'm here trying to take your order, not to listen to your serious business.

No, but we...

Oh, wow, that is very nasty, very nasty.

Look, we came in and we had food.

We ordered some food today, right, ma'am?

Yes.

Please, are you going to be nasty to us, or are you going to be nice?

He had, he's allergic to peanuts, okay?

And we had a meal, his throat is swollen up really bad.

When did he have the meal? I'm the chef here, please.

Yesterday.

Yo, I choked on your goddamn peanuts.

He's not doing too good.

Okay, so we want to know if you can test.

Did she hang up?

What did you scare her off for, Cayenne?

Cayenne Pepper?

That was going to be a good Cayenne.

You know that?

What happened?

Well, she hung up the phone.

Let me try to call her back.

To place a call...

Stay out of your red light, boy.

...by the pound sign.

Sorry, this is serious, though.

We had a meal there,

and I think he's having an allergic reaction

to something he ate.

He ate the leftovers from my meal.

And I know you...

How often do you use peanuts?

Do you use peanuts a lot?

You know what?

You're a son of a gun.

I'll call the police right now

and ask them to tape the call, okay?

Why don't you just say

son of a bitch, you stupid...

She hung up, she hung up, she hung up.

She hung up.

She called me a son of a gun

and she's gonna...

I'm gonna...

You said she has a gun.

I didn't mean her that differently.

...to begin with.

On this shit.

She's got a homo and a hard-ass on the phone.

I got a lot...

Johnny Bukaki.

Johnny Bukaki?

We're gonna call another Indian restaurant.

Hang on, I'm going to work.

God, this phone's killing me.

A lot of people in the chatroom today, huh?

Chat cafe?

Hey, do you guys have trace peanuts at all in your food?

Uh, no, we do...

have cashews

and a few items, though.

Oh, my God.

Well, my roommate,

we call him roommate,

you know,

I don't know if you guys

are opposed to

same-sex things,

but, you know,

I call him...

What?

Hello?

Oh.

Yes, sir.

What's your name?

My name is Mike.

What can I do for you?

All right, Big Mike,

check this out.

My roommate,

he's actually

kind of my live-in partner.

He's allergic

to shell nuts,

walnuts, peanuts.

I think he's allergic

to cashews also.

And he had some

leftovers from two days ago.

Did you order, what was the...

He had some naan bread, and his throat is all swolled up, and he's in the hospital right now.

Oh.

So, I mean, is there a possibility there were trace amounts of cashews in it?

No, no, no, no.

We only put it within the briyani, and it's on the other side of the kitchen.

Yeah, that's what he had.

Oh, see, I had that, I had the briyani.

I had to order that, but I think they were touching it because I put the naan bread on top of it.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, so I'm going to need, like, your social security number or, like, the tax ID or something

thing because i need to like draft up some papers oh i'm just uh i'm just i just work here man i

don't you need to call back and talk to uh talk to the owners about something who's like in charge

right now you well i guess i'm in charge yeah well we'll go with that all right so what was

your name again my name is mike all right i got your name mike is it michael or how does it look

on your birth certificate well my name is mike am i this is valente and okay now ryan is my roommate

mate slash guy, friend.

All right.

I mean, are you regulars in here?

Would I know you if I saw you?

No, we've only, we got a recommendation.

Our friend told us, we checked online, and then he gave us, he said, oh, yeah, they're

good, good non-bred.

Right.

So.

I mean, I, I, I feel for what's going on.

I'm sorry what happened, but I feel more comfortable if you came in in person, and then we talked

about this.

Well, I mean, I, I, I mean, I kind of, I'm in the hospital right now, you understand?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So, basically, I mean, they, they rejected his insurance because he's kind of like,

You know, he's not really on my insurance.

We try to get it to work out, but it doesn't work out like that in this state, really.

So they just gave us a bill, and in order to pump his stomach, they're going to, it's a lot.

It's about, I think it comes out to about $428.

All right.

So I don't know what you can do to help out, because if not, he's not going to be able to breathe much longer.

And I kind of hold you, I mean, if you're answering the phone, that's okay, but it's just a call, and it's the buck.

You know, you can't pass the buck.

So, I'm thinking maybe...

As far as what?

Well, as far as responsibility, sir.

Could I answer the phone?

Basically, I mean, yeah, you're the point of contact here, Mike.

Yeah, I just, uh...

I mean, do you want to maybe blame the chef? Who cooked it, do you think?

What date was this?

Two days ago.

Do you people...

I just don't know how liable they are, you know, legally, I mean...

Well, I'm an attorney.

Yeah, but it's posted, it's right here at the register,

is cashews in the item that we put cashews in.

I mean, they told him specifically there's no cashews or peanuts in the naan bread,

and the next thing he happens, he eats the naan bread,

and all of a sudden he's got hives, and he throws the size of like a, you know,

you know when a bullfrog goes brr, like that?

It's just like that.

So, basically, I want you to, you know, kind of handle this problem.

I'm not going to handle it.

Well, come on in.

Well, come on in, and we can talk about it.

You know, I have the owner here, and we can get everything all straightened out.

How far away are you guys from MLK Boulevard?

From where?

MLK Boulevard.

I don't know where that's at.

You know Martin Luther King Boulevard?

Was that in Sacramento?

Well, I mean, I'm drafting up papers now.

I mean, I'm holding you personally responsible.

What's your last name?

You know, I'm going to ask you to come in.

I'm not going to give you any of my information over the telephone.

I don't know who you are.

As far as I know, none of this is even happening.

I mean, I have no idea what's going on.

Are we going to play hardball?

Is that what you're saying?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Tell me yes or no.

Hardball.

Do you want to play hardball or softball?

How do you want to play this?

Excuse me.

Hold for a moment, please.

Okay.

See, I bet you they put peanuts in her food, too.

No, you're new.

I'm not good for you.

Tell him his chocolate's selling your peanut butter.

Chocolate's in my peanut butter.

Tell him I didn't hear you informing that lady that her stuff might have nuts in it.

Get her on that time.

It's still raining.

This is taking forever.

I might just call back.

This cost me minutes.

That's aren't cheap.

I don't think everybody is listening right now.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Listen to the Madhouse Radio machine.

You can call in after this prank call at 1-888-278-8509.

You can also reach me at Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo!

And if you're using MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com.

Be sure to visit the websites syndicateradio.tv and of course madhouselive.com.

You should check out our podcast, our forums.

You can see that big sandwich.

How about that sandwich, huh, Milfman?

I can still taste it.

You've already got me in there.

I have a point to say, that's a huge order.

I think that lady's ordering for the whole Taliban.

I think so, too.

Omega Mark, go to the forums.

I'd like a double order of Banner, please.

Go to the forums on madhouselife.com and look for it in the forums.

You'll see in the general tab, you'll see Carlito's Big Ass Weekend Sandwich.

Whole story there about a sandwich.

Yeah, that was a sandwich, by the way.

Oh, my God.

Athena, best sandwiches ever, right?

The sandwich that we had on Friday?

Hey, Zeb the Zeb is asking me to do the I've Got a Minute prayer.

Dude, that sandwich is bigger than my head, like Milkman said.

Oh, it was so good.

I enjoyed it.

I savored it.

Savored that sandwich.

Oh, man, it was perfect.

No mustard on that sandwich.

Still no answer here.

Still waiting for this gentleman to come back.

Very rude, very disrespectful to him to put him in a hole for so long.

Hello, sir.

with him.

Guys,

it's taking a long time.

You know,

what else can I do here

to waste time?

I don't know.

If anybody has a UK

or an international card

that we can use

so we can do some UK calls,

Lonesome Losey

doesn't have one.

The one that we,

the one that Milkman has

ran out of funds,

he can't buy anymore.

I'm going to hang up

on this call.

Oh, no.

How did that happen?

After a while,

they run out, man.

It just happens.

Mr.

I mean,

I bought

what I bought

Bought like seven of them.

Yeah.

And they lasted like seven months.

I've been back home since, oh, God, first week of January.

So when they get back, I'll get over to the camel truck and I'll get some more.

Oh, crap.

Zars asking, can you buy international cards online?

Yeah, you can.

Yeah, sure.

There's a lot of places you can buy international cards online.

You got to look.

Lonesome Loser knows one.

He tried to buy it, but it's a company, and I've used them before.

When you buy it, for some weird reason, they actually call you to confirm first.

Like you place your order.

let's say you buy a phone card

and it says

enter your phone number

you enter it

and it says

okay they call you back

and actually

they literally call you back

and say

oh yeah

we'll make sure

that you want to buy this phone card

yes I do

okay good

here's your PIN number

here's your

I don't know why

they take it so seriously

but they do

so yeah

anyway let's take a break

man it's almost midnight

there goes probably

Jack after about here

and gets those phone cards

to call up

and you pay it

and it's like in the morning

yeah

probably got it

wild to you

yeah

they finally figured this out

yeah

Yeah, what Cuff said.

That's what he said.

That's what she said.

When I get back, I'm going to set it up, Hermano.

Actually, if I get a hold of my buddy, PSP Man.

Yeah?

He's got the access.

He's going to go grab me a few of the cards there.

Oh, yeah.

PSP Man is over here in our chat.

It's the 98.6 valve.

Yeah.

And he might be able to get a hold of something for me.

Oh, yeah.

PSP Man.

Yeah, grab me, man.

I'm going to take a tour of Minnesota.

All right.

So while I'm there, I'm going to contact him and have him just grab me a few,

send me some funds and have him grab me a few, and we'll be back in business.

And we won't have to cry anymore, the big wanker.

In the meantime, I can probably find one at a store around here.

This is international.

They've got little Mexican stores around here that have, like, you know,

we have phone cards, eh?

You can buy a special one.

Depending on the country you want to buy, that's the card you buy.

If you want to call Mexico, they've got a Mexico card.

The one I get, dude, it's from the Arab guys.

And the reason I get that is because whenever a number shows up, it shows an American number, right?

Right.

But when you call the number, it goes and answers and says, please enter your PIN now.

So even though they think they got your number, they never get anywhere.

So it's like untraceable.

Exactly.

Those are the good ones right there where they trace back to when I asked for your PIN number exactly.

Another option, if we had Skype, I know like sometimes Ted would call in

and uh he's got the ability to do that on skype he's i missed ted yeah ted's the man yeah good

wish he's been here is he oh god ted's here hey ted yeah ted's here hey man what's up ted

ted's the man busy man

welcome ted good to see you bro how's everything how's school how's work how's the old lady

is he uh i was uh busy for a while there i was trying to finish a home remodel

and i got it done uh remodeled the bathroom remodeled the bedroom um yeah everything else

is the same that's cool well good you got a new bathroom new bedroom there you go man

put some tile down all that stuff that's awesome dude he's like the home depot man

doing all that we're funnier now i gotta find another source of exercise yeah ted do you know

anything about fixing ceilings, we'll fly you out of here, man, we got a tropical storm

hitting us, and now our roof, Ted's going to go, Ted's like a whole handyman, he's like

handyman Nagry, he'll go up there with a hammer and some plywood, he'll fix anything now,

man, he put down tile, that looks hard, you know how to do that stuff, he's like, I'm

going to have you over for dinner sometime, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not getting

in that trap, oh, geez, yeah, exactly, now watch out for that, but tiling, that looks

it's like some back-breaking work. Yes, Milkman,

go ahead, sir. Hey, Mano. Yes,

please. Hey, I want to ask you,

can you get Ted to hook up with that

call, hey man, we'll get you somebody

with the scoops, man, and have Bubba Johnson

make a call? Oh, yes.

Those are super echoes, man. This is

a great call, man. It sounds like he'll be talking

to himself. Ted, do you... Maybe you can play it

for Ted so he can hear it. I don't know why Ted's...

I don't know why you're hearing an echo. Milkman,

Milkman's mentioning, we've been

prank calling this

casino with a blackout that sounds

is just like Bubba Johnson.

We've got to give that place a call back tonight.

As a matter of fact, let's take a break.

Guys, I've got to take a break.

We're going on two hours straight here.

I've got to take a break.

I've got to take a breather.

My legs are running out of juice.

Pull Carly this finger.

Pull it, Athena.

She knows that joke.

She doesn't fall for that.

Anyway, when we get back.

Oh, yeah.

She's on to you.

Anyway, we're going to take a break here real quick.

About five minutes.

When we call back, we've got a lot of numbers to call.

And Lonesome Losers, don't worry about the international card.

We got plenty of local, we got plenty of domestic U.S. numbers to call.

Don't worry about it, man.

Anyway, when we get back, we got a lot of numbers to call here.

We got the 7-Elevens all over the country, Circle K.

We got a few Dunkin' Donuts here.

We got another Indian cuisine here, Indian Cafe we haven't called yet.

We've got another.

We got Al-Masri, Egyptian restaurant, Aladdin, traditional Egyptian.

Yeah, I did a prank to an Indian restaurant.

Yeah?

And I got him to start swearing back at me in Hindi.

It was pretty funny.

Oh man, you got a link for it?

We'll play it.

I always love when the Indians get mad

and start cursing in Hindi.

That's always fun.

Bhenchod, mar chod.

It's always fun.

There's actually a song on YouTube

called Sutra Namira.

It means something like

I lost my cigarette.

But the chorus of the song is

Bhenchod, mar chod,

bhenchod, mar chod, bhenchod.

It's like freaking hilarious.

It's like Indian...

I didn't know there were Indian stoners.

Indian 2 Live crew.

All right, so we've got a bunch of Greek restaurants here that came in as well that we've got to hit up.

And also, do we have those request-a-pranks that we've got to call, too?

So don't go anywhere, everybody.

We'll be right back in about five minutes.

As I said, this is Madhouse Radio, and be sure to visit the website over at madhouseside.com.

It is now 11.55 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

We'll be back, and it'll be Friday, officially.

It'll be past midnight.

Imagine that.

Woo, Friday.

Wow.

New York City.

Cool Cardino singer now, Athena.

She did.

It's just a moment

What's up everybody a little bit of Wu-Tang Clan, I love the woo

Who do you represent fat boys?

21 today who 21 today

The Warriors 21 years. Hey, I forgot to mention talk. Happy birthday guys. Talk also had a birthday. Was it Wednesday?

Happy birthday, guys.

Birthday boy.

I say this, but Mr. C was offering this.

Anyone who wants to sit on his lap, you can give him a birthday spank,

and I hope I don't have any textures in here.

Birthday spin.

Just miss Hollywood.

Hollywood, we're just calling in.

We just missed them.

Oh, man.

He's over there sending shit in the mouth.

That's good.

We've got a lot of people calling in.

Steven is asking,

but I'm just kicking it out.

We've got some new listeners also, man.

Yeah, I hate...

Susan is a big gamer head, and she stopped in,

and she's enjoying it live as well.

I hate to mention, yes, Canada calls our international, my friend.

I'm very sorry to let you know about that.

But sorry to let you know, Stephen.

I don't think we can do your request to prank this week.

I apologize.

I wish we could, man.

Usually we can do the international calls.

We will put that on our list of things to do.

What are you going to make?

Theater, man.

We'll get out of that early.

Hell, yeah.

Is that your voiceover work or something else?

Second job.

Oh, delivering newspapers.

Nice, nice, nice.

Yeah.

Whatever.

All right, good.

I actually fold them.

You fold them?

I fold them in a plastic bag.

You fold them and your wife throws them?

Awesome.

Remember that game Paperboy?

I used to love that game.

I do, man.

I might fire up the old emulator here after the show

so I can play some Paperboy.

360.

Remember that one?

Paperboy 360?

No, just 360.

It had a skateboard.

Arcade, yeah, 360.

That was an awesome game.

That was a sporting game.

TNC.

Remember TNC?

Remember that TNC game?

It had skateboarding in it, though.

But not like that, though.

Not like that.

Paperboy was awesome.

Remember they had the handlebars for the controller?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, in the arcade, yeah, man, oh man, good times, I miss good classic, I remember

the old Turtles, the first Turtle, Teenage Ninja Turtles arcade game, four player, heck

yeah, and then the Simpsons four player game came out, yeah, you know what the first four

player game was, don't you, hang on, let me think here, the first four player game, I'm

good at the arcade, I'm good at my arcade history, but I can't figure it out, I don't

know, it was a basketball game, wasn't it, no, wasn't that one, it was, Gauntlet, right,

Right. Very good, Omega.

Gauntlet. Yeah, this makes sense.

Yeah, that was cool.

I remember Gauntlet, yeah.

And then they had that new Gauntlet that came out for Nintendo 64,

and they tried it for the arcade, too.

It sucked. Yeah, it did.

Heck yeah, Gauntlet. Awesome, man.

Wow, you brought back some memories.

That is awesome.

I had that ability.

The first arcade game that I beat,

me and my friend, I had another friend,

my name is Carlos, and my other friend, Carlos Rivera,

we beat Double Dragon.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, and at the end, we had to fight each other.

I remember that, too.

That was great.

Elbow.

God, I love Double Dragon.

That was some fun-ass shit.

Yeah, man.

That first Double Dragon was awesome.

Oh, man.

Oh, dude.

What was cool is you could actually beat each other's ass.

You could turn it so you could attack each other, man.

I would just beat the shit out of the guy.

I think we spent about 50 bucks on that game in one night.

Maybe I'm exaggerating, but we spent a lot of money in one night.

We were like, fuck that.

We're beating this game.

Another game, I think me and my friend Tommy,

I mean, we beat the Terminator 2 arcade game, the shooting one.

Yeah.

And I think we burned through like 35, between the two of us,

I think we burned through like 30 bucks and quarters.

That game was hard, man.

The original.

Oh, Mickey's also talking about California games.

Remember that one?

Yeah.

You had to use a pencil, go back and forth between the two buttons.

I never heard about doing that.

That sounds good.

Yeah.

We used an electric drill, and I got the fastest,

I always got the fastest time.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, you picked your sponsor at the beginning, right?

I was always OP.

I always picked OP.

It was always mine.

And then, yeah, they had the surfing and the skating was in that.

You know what really sucked in that was the last one, the Frisbee one.

You know what I'm talking about?

With the weird music.

I hated that one.

That sucked.

And the hacky sack.

I was pretty good at the hacky sack one.

I could do the whole twist and all that and do the whole hacky sack.

That was in the California games.

Yeah, California games.

I'm thinking track and field.

Never mind.

Track and field, are you?

What was the difference?

Yeah.

California games was good, though.

Yeah, it was.

Oh, okay, Track and Field was the one, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, no, Track and Field, yeah, that's the one you're talking about, I see.

Now, you could use the power pad with Track and Field, Track and Field 2, right, remember?

Yeah.

They had the power pad, you laid out the mat, actually do the running in place, and then you jump, you jump to the ones in front, yeah, yeah.

Early, early Dance Dance Revolution, man.

Yeah, that's true, that's the beginning of it, Nintendo had it first, that was like 1989, I think, or 88 even, maybe, the original Track and Field, heck yeah, man.

So, did I tell you last week I'll also be making a new Street Fighter movie called The Legend of Chun-Li?

I talk about that, yeah, Chun-Li and them legs.

Kristen Kruik is going to be Chun-Li.

Yeah.

And it'll be cool.

What about that Bigfoot, huh?

Fake.

We talked about that last week.

Yeah, that was crap, huh?

A rubber suit.

They took a piece of the hair and they tested it,

and it just turned into a ball of plastic.

Who are those guys?

Why would they think they're going to get away with it?

It's a bunch of rednecks in Georgia.

Like, yo, we're for Bigfoot.

They're rednecks.

I didn't buy that for a second.

For a minute there, I thought it was legit.

I thought they really did find that Bigfoot or something.

But no, it was a lie.

It was a lie. I want to get to the news here.

Coke and he sent us some articles.

I just want to, if you don't mind, if you don't mind,

just some discussion. I don't know

what's your party affiliation. I'm a Democrat

myself. I'm a supporter of Obama. Actually,

last week I did some phone banking

for the Obama campaign. I volunteered

some time here in downtown Orlando

last week. And

Amy Dana, we should have his

vice presidential nomination. I have a

big feeling it's going to be tomorrow, Friday,

because he's going to be

showing up in public on Saturday.

day with uh with his nominee uh his vice presidential nominee i'm really hoping for

joe biden to be honest with you i really like joe biden um he's very good on the uh foreign policy

especially this last week with the whole situation in russia and georgia and what is up with russia

man they turn into a bunch of assholes i don't know if anybody's been nowhere i don't know it

wasn't out of nowhere necessarily but all of a sudden they're just like balls to the wall like

fucking a bunch of assholes your missile shield and all this they just now serving their own

Yeah, I was about to say, it's not a magic turn.

They always kind of have been.

They've just been sort of keeping it suppressed.

And I was telling, I got a little upset yesterday reading an article about it.

And these Russians, and I have a co-worker who's a good friend of mine who's from Russia,

but I'm upset because when these people, when they, you know,

they did their whole change over to a different, you know,

they went into democracy, they overturned the Soviet Union, all these reforms,

and their economy went down to the floor.

and we bailed them out with all these loans

and all this assistance and all this crap

and they committed to the

International Space Station with us

and all this shit and now they get a little bit

of money and they get their economy

back on their feet and Russia's

well known now, they've got a lot

of, their economy's doing

pretty good, a lot of people there are doing really well

as a matter of fact, here in Orlando

and Disney, they announced that

Epcot is actually finally going to build a

Russian pavilion because they

They say that the market for tourists from Russia is so big right now,

since their economy is actually doing pretty well,

that they're going to try to grab some international tourists from Russia.

Now that they get a little bit of money, now they turn around and they're saying this and that,

that they're threatening Poland, you know, like they're going to go diplomacy

and combating the missile shield and all this and that.

That's really shitty stuff, you know, and it's sad.

I don't know if this is because of the Bush administration and their failed foreign policy,

or whatever it may be, or if they just had it in them all along,

but it's something to be

them being Russia

it is them being Russia, good point Tuck

and it's something honestly all Americans

are there and our listeners in Europe

it is something to be worried about

because you need to keep in mind we're installing

a missile shield in former Soviet

republics, former Soviet blocs

and it's not looking pretty

and these are the same people and it wasn't too long

ago, I mean

my parents were alive in the time

when Nikita Khrushchev went to the United

Nations, took off his shoe,

banged it on the podium and told America

that he was going to bury us.

And Milgram, it sounds funny,

but when I was a child,

when I was growing up still in the 80s,

the threat of a nuclear war

between the United States and Russia

was a very real thing.

And luckily we had people,

whether you want to,

some people want to say it was Ronald Reagan,

some people want to say it was a combination

of different things.

We're not that far gone from being back in a situation

where we're back in the Cold War.

and it's it's something to be concerned with and and uh nothing's changed man nothing's changed

on the calendar that's right and it all started with vladimir putin i don't understand this uh

who was the prior who was the guy who was the president he was a major communist throwback

well he was a kgb guy that was a big step right there hold on exactly hold on the old crime scene

who was the guy who who was the guy that appointed him that turned it over on new year's 2000 the guy

who took over after get his name now the the drunk guy you know i'm talking about he was a

bum too man he was a drunk well he was actually really progressive and then he gave it up to

yeltsin yeltsin boris yeltsin yeah that's right i don't know yeltsin was very big on you know

the reforms and all this stuff and have been an alcohol or whatever it is and then he gave it up

to find a situation now ex-kgb guy karate master or whatever he knows that russian martial art and

all that stuff yeah you know it's really funny man my dad had a very funny name for gorbachev

What's the name for Gorbachev?

It was funny.

My dad, bless his soul, his old nasty ass, he used to call him Birdshit Head.

Yeah, yeah, that Birdshit.

He had a big thingy on his head.

He had a big pelican.

He just took a big red shit on his head, yeah.

You know when everybody thought he was...

Because of that mark?

They thought it was the Antichrist mark?

He's the one, yeah.

Oh.

Birdshit Head.

And then he was in a Pizza Hut commercial after that, all that happened.

Come on.

What's going on with this world, man?

I thought they were our friends for a while.

Now they're our enemies again.

This is sick.

Anyway, speaking on that, and I sent this to Kokani here.

Now, there's an article.

Senator Barack Obama, he has a long-lost brother who's been found in Kenya.

His youngest brother in Kenya, his name is, let me find his name here.

He lives in a shantytown.

His name is George Hussein Omoyongo Obama.

Senator Barack Obama's long-lost brother was tracked down living in a hut on the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya.

A 26-year-old, the youngest of the presidential candidate's half-brothers, has been located, and he lives in poverty, and I'm an Obama supporter, and Kokanee actually, and I agree with Kokanee, this is just more the mudslinging that's coming out all of a sudden, you know, they track down his half-brother from way back when, and now they're going to try to throw it on Obama, oh, you got some half-brother.

this guy says himself

he's never wanted to live in the limelight

he never mentions his half-brother

his famous half-brother

he just wants to live his life

he's 26 years old

he's doing his thing

so leave the guy alone

but it's funny

I mean to think that

who may be probably

I would hope

the next president of the United States

has a half-brother

who lives in poverty

in Kenya

in Nairobi

I mean it's not funny

that he's living in poverty

but it's kind of

kind of humbling I suppose

I suppose

makes you a little more human

makes you just a little more human man

Some other news articles here from Kokanee.

A clothes shoplifter was fatally crushed in a trash compactor.

A woman was shoplifting clothing in a store in Lansing,

and security got a win to her, so she jumped into the trash compactor to hide,

and someone turned on the trash compactor, and she died.

She got crushed to death.

Did they get the clothes back?

I don't know if they got the clothes back.

Do you think they put them back?

I don't know.

It's all for half price.

Slightly stained.

Slightly bloodstained, just a little bit of iron smell to them, yeah, right.

I've heard a few of this around making the rounds in a story.

A man got a nine-foot tapeworm from eating salmon at a crab house in Chicago, yeah.

And we actually have the number.

Actually, Kokanee sent in a number for the place.

It's called Shaw's.

I doubt they're open now, though.

It says midnight.

I think it's too late to call.

We should have called earlier.

I'm sorry, Kokanee.

We'll hold on to it for next week.

Like, yeah, a guy ate a salmon salad at Shaw's Crab House in Chicago,

and he's suing for $100,000 after he got a nine-foot tapeworm up his ass.

I've heard horror stories of tapeworms.

I've never had one before myself, but I heard that those are really, like,

basically when you do a number two, the worm will come out, you know,

and that's, like, your only chance to pull it out unless you get surgery.

You get a chance to pin that nasty dog, man.

Oh, God, you mentioned getting a tapeworm.

You've got to grab him on the head.

I just got a fresh off the press this year from Lonesome Loser.

We've got a limousine company in Ventura, California.

I don't know if we've got anything we can do with that, but that's an idea.

I've got a few 7-Elevens here, Circle K.

Are you in the chat room?

You're in the chat room, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, you are?

Okay, let me send you what I've got.

Some of these I've called already.

Let me send you what I've got.

You tell me what you think is good.

I want to see what's up to a few people who are checking in here.

I've got Bad Boys of Iowa are checking in.

What's up, guys?

So you're doing Bad Boy Jr. and Tank.

I think he goes by Tank now.

What's up, guys?

Where is Doody tonight?

He was in and out.

He was in there.

He was going to call in, and I think he never got through.

I saw Jonathan try to call in on the break.

Sorry, we'll get him later.

I'm sure by the end of the show, he'll check in.

Of course, Milkman's friend from the V.I.

is checking in.

PSP man, talented Mr. Ripley in the house.

The Warrior, happy birthday.

Belated.

Yeah, well, DJ Glowworm earlier.

Glowworm's on the end.

And Czar is in the house, Dick.

Dick Gangren, of course, is here as well with us.

Ted Webb is in the house as well.

Who's checking in?

Who's sending some numbers for the FMS as well?

I've had a birthday, and so did the Warriors.

And we've got a lot of people up in the syndicate room as well.

I see Adino's in there, G-Wiz is in there, Sidekick Chuck.

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.

Sorry to say that.

I'm sorry I always do that to you, man.

I'm sorry, man.

Will's in the house as well.

Well, as I was saying before, Will said he's going to try coming into the show here pretty soon.

That would be awesome to see Will come in and help out again as he used to.

It's been over a year since we had him as a regular guest here.

I don't know.

Do I really need to go through everybody here?

We've got a lot of people.

Henry Rose, Evil Artie, who lives in Orlando, as a matter of fact, I just found out.

He might be showing up here in a little bit.

A lot of guests in the house.

Hollywood Vanya is in the house.

What's up, Hollywood?

Nice to see you there, man.

Hey, show your titties.

Anyway, we got a lot of people here.

All right, guys.

Thanks to everyone who's listening.

We got a total of, hang on, is that an eight or a six?

I got to see.

I'm going blind.

88 plus, 88, yeah, I got to quit.

88 plus 23 plus 5, that's 88 plus 28, that's 116 people checking in with me live right now.

Thanks, guys.

Let's get moving around.

Yeah, you're in the mad ass.

Mark says, hey, Carlito, man, do you know that Barley song from I Am Legend?

I saw that movie.

What's the Bob Marley song they play in I Am Legend?

Don't Worry About a Thing, Every Little Thing's Gonna Be Alright.

What's that called?

What's the title of that song?

Three Little Birds.

That's what it is.

Three Little Birds.

I'm sure I got Three Little Birds.

Hang on.

Marley Birds.

I sent it to you, dude.

Oh, yeah.

I got it.

That's one of my favorite songs of all time.

I got that, dude.

Yeah.

Don't play.

That's a classic.

Why am I only hearing stuff out of my left ear?

Hang on.

Uh-oh.

I think I messed up the cables.

I'm going blind.

You're going deaf in one ear, too.

I'm going deaf in one ear.

I'm going blind.

Geez, I'm all kinds of screwed up.

All right, here we go.

Here we go.

Okay, hang on, everybody, just a moment.

We're going to do a prank call to the limousine place.

Does that work for you, Hollywood?

Yeah.

Here we go, folks.

Don't go anywhere.

Oh, yeah.

How late do you come out to get people?

Sorry, say that to me again?

How late do you come out to get people?

Well, if we've got runs chartered already, we come out any time.

Okay, well, do you have something available right now?

Oh, no, ma'am.

Okay, because I need a ride to McDonald's.

A ride to McDonald's?

Yes, sir.

I need to get a ride up to McDonald's to drive through.

You don't got to stay.

I'm craving a Big Mac, and I need some fries.

Yeah, nothing.

Sorry.

Okay, well, can you come get me then?

No, I'm sorry.

We don't have anything.

Okay, well, who else can come get me?

Call.

Ported call.

I actually called you ma'am.

That's pretty funny.

It's improved, but it's still crackling.

Let me take a feed and close the window.

She gets freaked out about people looking in the house.

It is still drizzling.

It has not let up at all.

Actually, I think it did let up.

Let me see.

No, it's still drizzling.

Shit.

I think we're going on 48 hours of straight rain here.

Like, constant downpour.

No kidding.

I mean, I'm not exaggerating at all.

It has not...

Precipitation has not stopped in all that time.

Sickness, huh?

Oh, man.

We need the rain, though, to be in here.

Like, it's funny.

Like, I'll watch the news, and we'll get a week where it's dry.

we'll get like maybe a week and a half

ten days where there's no rain right

and I'm very

anti-local news I put local

news people on the same level

as lawyers prostitutes

I think the scum of the earth

but I'll be flipping by the channels

and I'll see it and they're like

when's the drought gonna end

no rain in a week and a half it's gonna happen

and the fires when will we get relief

blah blah blah we'll be back

and

then you'll see, and then literally I'll watch like a week later,

and it's been raining, and they're like, when's the rain going to stop?

We're going to get some relief from the rain and back to the sunny weather of Florida.

So, you know, I don't understand.

It's like no matter what's happening, there's a crisis in Orlando.

And I hate local news with a passion.

And we need the rain regardless.

I think it's having a lot of people move up to an area where it's not flooded

as opposed to when the fires start coming

like we get here sometimes

when it's not raining

and everything just fucking burns.

I'm drunk, Hollywood.

I'm sorry.

I'm just rambling.

Let me move on here.

Excuse me?

What are you talking about?

All right, I got three new numbers here, Hollywood.

Let me send them to you

before I lose control,

before we have to abort the show,

before Ryan has to terminate the call.

Tuck is in charge of calling that always.

If anybody knows,

how do you make soundboards?

Do you know how?

What's the program that you use to do it?

Is there a free program out there to make it?

Because I have one that I started.

The one that I use now.

You can download the file.

It took me 30 days to add some new sounds to this.

I want to add, you know, Riot Terminator calls.

Well, just send me the sounds.

I'll do it.

I'll send you the file for the, um, have it started.

I'll send you the, the, what I have now.

File.

Filet and the S2.

I get them all.

I program.

I program when I can finish.

Okay.

Uh, did Milkman cross on a mouse?

I just, okay, well, don't we have, we'll, we'll, we'll start, yeah, we'll, we'll give

you steps, we'll, yeah.

Is it good?

Have you seen it yet?

Seen about an hour of it.

Really?

Is it really?

I'm going to say

I'm a big Star Wars fan

I hate to admit this

when I was in

I got turned on

by Star Wars

at an age

I was there for opening

for three new episodes

of the trilogy

I know I saw

Return of the Jedi

in the movie theater

when I was like

eight years old

I think I was like

five or six

my dad took me

the first weekend

I fell in love

with Star Wars

and I had all the toys

growing out

the original toys

I had all the characters

I had the Death Star toy

I had the Y-Wing

the X-Wing

all those

I had the snaggletooth that was tall.

The one that was like a limited edition.

He was in like a blue suit.

Yeah.

But he was taller than a regular snaggletooth.

Remember the little snaggletooth that was in the red suit?

I don't remember that.

Who's the snaggletooth?

I don't remember that at all.

He was, eh.

I was in high school freshman year.

And they said, yeah, they finally, George Lucas announced he's going to allow books to be made about Star Wars.

I was like, cool, I'm going to read them all.

And I started reading them.

At one point, there were like 20 that came out all at once.

I think there's like 50 gazillion Star Wars books out there.

I started off reading them all, and then I gave up on a Star Wars franchise,

but I did go to the three new movies.

I went to opening that for all of them.

I made a big deal to go.

I'm not as big as a Star Wars fan now,

because I kind of feel the new series did kind of ruin things for us.

Did you read the Darth Maul book?

No.

I did.

I went to the Star Wars website.

They have the little segment where you can actually catch up

and read up on the mythology and all the characters,

books, and movies, and the behind-the-scenes.

I forget what it's called, or something like that.

I actually did that.

So I know what happened.

I know that Chewbacca dies in one of the books.

Sorry if I'm ruining it for you folks, but Chewbacca dies in one of the books.

What else happens?

What I know, I know that Luke marries that one chick who was an evil Jedi for a while.

Oh, man, yeah.

Did you watch any of that, did you watch any of that Robot Chicken Star Wars special?

Dude, that was funny.

Oh, my God.

This scene with Luke and Leia in the bed.

It was when Jar Jar Binks shows up.

We saw all Spock and Shaq be together for it.

Jar Jar.

That's like the single most worst thing George Lucas could have done to Star Wars' Jar Jar.

That sums it all up right there.

With the new series, number one is Jar Jar Binks.

Number two was the acting of all the trilogy.

Number three was that kid in the first movie.

It was crap.

They should have made the first movie, The Phantom Menace,

should have just been made a cartoon network or whatever it was.

They should have gone into the Clone Wars,

straight into the Clone Wars,

just gone balls to the wall.

That would have been fine.

But they screwed it up.

They made the one bad thing.

They couldn't come back from it.

All this Hollywood volume.

First of all, man, one, two, three, four, five, number six tonight.

That's a five, man.

Isis, you know, Isis.

Oh, six?

Oh, damn.

Well, these are 5.9 all per volume, so these are big balls.

Oh, so you're actually up to about like eight or nine.

Something like that.

Volume.

Yeah, we'll do the math.

Anyway, you see those I sent you there?

You need to put the war hat back on, Admiral Garvey, you know.

Okay, the wonderful world of Dragon.

Dragon Chinese restaurant in Loveland, Colorado.

Imagine that.

Answered.

Let's play some good Barley here.

Let's see here.

I like that song, but it gets sad.

We played Easy Skanking earlier.

I'm going to go ahead and play Get Up, Stand Up.

You know what?

Man, here in Orlando, we've got Universal Studios,

and they actually took at Universal Studios,

they have a whole nightclub area.

They have different nightclubs.

They've got Latin Quarter and this and that.

They've got the Bob Marley.

It's called the Bob Marley Experience.

It's a bar and a nightclub.

they play live reggae and stuff like that

they actually recreated Bob Marley's

home in Jamaica into a

nightclub, it is really

cool, you go in there and you hear Bob Marley playing

and then they have this open patio

and then they have like live reggae on Friday

and Saturday nights, it's about time I go back there

it's really cool, if you're a reggae

fan and you're ever in Orlando, I would recommend

going over to the Bob Marley nightclub

over in CityWalk in Orlando

I actually took Sean Ward there, he had a

great time, we had a great time over there hanging out in

city walk if you don't know what i'm talking about the next whenever you're in orlando hollywood i

don't know if you've ever been in orlando you have kids right hollywood yeah you'll make that

pilgrimage to orlando when you do let me know look me up you can you have a place to stay here you

know don't worry about us stay with us bragging carlito's always gonna help us out with some

bragging fuck carlos mencia disturbed i've met him in person he's a fucking ass although i did

like his first hbo special i get up i get up a fight i want you to come up and uh make my

for me, okay? You make, like, some, uh,

Chinese, you make some Chinese

tacos or something?

Tacos with rice in it. You got fried

rice tacos. Hello, sir, are you there?

Freak, we're gonna beat you in the Olympics.

We're gonna beat them in the Olympics.

Fuck yeah, we're gonna beat them in the Olympics.

Come on, fold you with dental floss. Yeah, man.

Oh, man, those Chinese, man.

I really, I really think, I think we got the lead,

man, in the, in the medal count right now.

Yeah, the total.

What are we at right now? Let's, let's take a look.

Who's got that? Who's got the...

I can get it right now.

I think Drudge Report has a link to it.

I know that much.

You should go to Google and just Google 2008 Olympics.

God, look at that rain, man.

You're lucky you live in Texas.

You guys get hurricanes too, though.

You can get slammed with the rain.

The U.S. has a total of 99 medals.

China has 83.

Great Britain has 40.

Ah, you suck.

You suck, China.

Yeah, but what are the gold medals?

They're up on gold medals.

We have 30 gold.

They have 46.

Fuck, how much time we got left?

Once the game is over, Sunday?

I think so, yeah.

Oh, crap, man.

Did you see that Usain Bolt?

24th is the last.

What?

Did you see that Usain Bolt from Jamaica, that runner?

Dude, he's insane.

He's disrespectful.

He is.

Whoa.

I was trying to watch it.

He was scratching his balls on live TV.

Literally, he was sitting there like, I don't give a fuck.

He's all thug.

Let me scratch my balls in front of millions of people.

I'm like, dude, you're fast and all that, but dude, don't scratch your nuts in front of people.

Don't do that stuff, man.

Come on.

Awesome guy.

Talented.

The fastest man in the world

We'll give it to you

You're the fastest man on earth

It's an amazing thing

That you're so tall

And you can run so fast

And the fact that

He could run even faster

Than he did

Because at the end

Of the 100 meter relay

He actually

Not the relay

The 100 meter race

He actually stopped

You know

And looked back

And slowed down

And pounded his chest

Okay

Your balls

But don't scratch your balls

In front of

That's just disrespectful

To the games man

Oh god

I don't know if you know

What I'm talking about

He's got some balls

He's got

I bet you he's probably down there.

I'm doing the hand thing down to the knees like Eddie Murphy used to do.

I bet you he's down in there.

All right.

So you see the other two numbers I got there.

We got Barclays.

We got Barkey.

Barkey.

Barkey's Resort.

Okay.

So everyone who's listening for the first time, this is Madhouse Radio.

You're going to listen to us live.

We're over here at syndicateradio.tv, madhouselive.com.

We're a prank call show.

If you've never heard us before, fuck, tell your friends.

Enjoy it.

We're just having a good time here.

We're in a resort.

They're in Baton, Minnesota.

up isn't there a hotel of some sort would you presume that hollywood yes indeed indeed all

right cool thanks i'm in the drunken state thank you for helping us i appreciate it maybe i'll jump

in if i feel the mood my background guy i'm jack valente over here running things

is that him larry right yeah the guy let me play that again for people who don't know do i have

that i don't think i have that already it's in the forums right yeah i fixed forms you got my

I think one of the ranks are missing.

That's a classic, though.

Yeah, Ted needs to hear this one, too.

He's not heard it.

For Ted Wood.

For Ted, yeah.

There's still Ted.

Are you listening, man?

Are you around?

Are you hearing something over there?

Ted Wood.

Someone broke Louisiana fried chicken.

What's that called?

Do you remember?

Deli Pizza.

Is she single?

Piss off.

Carlito calls a casino.

That's one you can send in right in there to Ted.

Here we go.

Guys, if you're going to listen to this, we're going to do the next prank call.

Big, big, big.

Yes, sir.

Big updates.

It's madhouselab.com forward slash forums.

Check it out, everybody.

Just a moment.

Can I help you?

Is this a casino?

Uh, well, yeah, sort of.

It's a bar and casino.

You always have a confusion there with the casino, and it's a bar, and it's a casino.

How do you want me to...

Well, we're called a casino.

We have a full gaming license, but we don't have table games.

Woo!

Yeah!

Woo!

Okay, so...

Can I help you?

I was asking about what kind of games you do there.

there. Do you have chips? No. You don't have chips, the game chips? No, we don't. You never

know? We have all machines. Okay. I seem to have a problem. I went down there and had

a pretty large sum of money, and it seems to have been stolen, and I don't know if you

guys have, like, access to security cameras or... In the poker room? Yes, in the poker

room, sir. My God. Hang on just a minute. Let me get you someone in a suit. Oh, no,

Oh, baby Jesus, okay.

We're in the suit, sir.

Like Robert Johnson.

Good, good, that's good.

Sir, I went down there and had some money gone missing.

And this seems to be someone else.

Where did you have it at?

Hello?

Um, yes, hi.

Is this, uh, Barkey's Resort?

It is.

Hi, uh, who is this?

Kathy.

Kathy, my name is Summer, and I was wondering, how late can I check in tonight?

You don't have a reservation for...

Right, um, do not, do you work only off reservations?

Reservation?

I wanted to check my poodle in, and I wanted to see if I could do it tonight.

Do I have to wait until tomorrow and just make a reservation tonight, then?

We are...

When's your next opening?

Until after Labor Day.

Labor Day?

I can't have my poodle here by himself.

I don't know who...

This is a resort.

Right.

It's a barky resort, right?

Right.

This is the...

I was told you keep animals...

You keep dogs there.

Nope.

We don't allow dogs.

Well, why would your name be Barky's, then?

Owner's name.

Was he a dog?

Okay.

Okay, I guess I'm quite confused.

Is there a way for me to possibly find out if you could just keep my dog there for maybe one night?

No.

I've got to go off on a photo shoot.

You don't keep animals.

Okay, well, maybe if we dressed him up in like a suit, could I do that?

And it would look kind of like a man.

I could put like a mask on him or something.

Ma'am?

She's gone.

That's good.

Let's say a big what's up to everybody who's listening tonight.

We have over 200 listeners and watchers all together

Thank you everybody for listening

This is Madhouse Radio

Yeah, we have quite a few new listeners too, man

I'd like to welcome and thank all of you for joining in

Yeah

And send us your enemies' members

That's Milkman talking

Of course, Hollywood Vanya is doing some prank calls with us right now

I'm Carlito, your host

I do prank calls too, occasionally, every once in a while

Be sure to visit our main site, madhouselive.com

Subscribe to our podcast

Check out our forums over there

Check out our prank call archives

If you're into that thing

Just check out our old shows

Of course you can also please visit

SyndicateRadio.tv

We've got a lot of different shows here as well

24-7, not 24-7 but every night

God damn we've got a lot of talent on this fucking station

Thank you everybody for listening

How about some more prank calls Hollywood

While we're at it

Alright, okay, what's the other number we got here

God I've got so many people checking in

And I've got some requests here as well

I think it's Nunu, I want to apologize man

Man, I think I've done this to you two weeks already, Nunu.

I have failed to call your request for the Hollywood Feminist National Organization of Women.

We called them.

We can't get through.

We've got their home numbers, though.

I said we'd call them.

I said we'd just call them.

Screw it.

Let's see here.

Okay, we've got Olga Vivas.

Now, here's the thing.

He's suggesting, since I can spoof the numbers, you know, I spoof the caller ID.

If anybody didn't know, I can make it look like whatever I want.

He's suggesting that we go ahead and spoof the caller ID as, you know, someone that they know here.

They've got a whole list of people that are all involved.

And say that we found the cell phone.

Like, we say, oh, we found her cell phone.

This is her number.

You know who it is.

Let me see the details here.

Lonesome Loser sending in numbers here.

In the meantime, while I'm going to send that to you, Lonesome Loser sending in numbers for the Hooters of Hollywood.

Hooters, man, I've never been.

Have you ever been to a Hooters of Hollywood?

Oh, yeah.

Is it good?

Is it?

Are the wings good?

Well, the wings are all right,

but it's not at all looking...

Go for the ass, basically.

I see, I see, I see, I see.

How long have you been married for, Hollywood,

if you don't mind me intruding in your personal life?

Let's see, nine years.

Well, congratulations, man.

Dude, my wedding's coming up May 30th, man.

300 people are going to be at this wedding, it looks like, man.

It's going to be huge.

I don't know where it's going to go.

Anyway, who do us of Hollywood?

We also got Pool Hall Junkies in Salt Lake City,

The Chungking restaurants in LA

We got that to call here

Reverend Leroy Brown

That's that Leroy Brown

In Detroit, Michigan

An old black guy answered

There we go, cool

Thanks, Los Angeles

And rounding up the new numbers here

Leroy Brown

It's a hamburger place

That's over in Dundee, Oregon

Is anybody out there listening?

Anybody out there in Oregon at all?

Anybody who's heard of

Who lives in Oregon

What's it like to live in Oregon?

Tell me, is it a good state?

You don't hear a lot of bad things come out of Oregon at all.

Is it a progressive state?

How are the cops there?

They got the best weed in Oregon, man.

They grow that shit like crazy out there.

Good weed.

I hear Oregon is...

Yeah, man.

Oh, hell yeah.

Stephen Colbert says that Oregon is California's Canada.

I hear him say that a lot.

I might move to Oregon one day.

What's the big...

Oh, hell yeah, dude.

It's all wilderness, and they just grow weed like mad out there.

Are there any big cities in Oregon?

What's the big cities?

Is Portland in Oregon?

Where's Portland at?

Portland, yeah.

Portland, Oregon.

That's all they got going over there, huh?

There's one in Oregon.

What's in Portland?

Is there a football team out there?

No.

Well, they got a basketball team, right?

The Portland Trailblazers?

That's about it, right?

That's all they got?

Basketball?

No hockey team.

No football team.

No baseball team.

Well, it's like Orlando.

We got some magic.

That's all we got here.

So I might as well move to Portland.

I think I'm going to move to Portland.

I'm thinking about it.

Have you heard anything about a Portland before in the past?

Just Leroy Brown there.

We'll rent you out a room in his shack.

Isn't there a song about Leroy Brown, Bad Bad Leroy Brown?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, that was Jim Croce

Croce, I don't have that song, I wish I did, I'd play that right now, okay

Anyway

Who let down all that shit, man

Alright, so for a new new, for a new new year

Okay, you want to call Kim Gandy and I'll say that I have Olga Vive cell

Olga Vives, Olga Vives

Now don't say, just say hey

Yeah, I won't say the name, I'll just say I have the cell number

Yeah, I've got this

Your number was in here

Yeah, I found the cell phone number.

I'm trying to find out who it is.

They're all feminists.

They're all members of the National Organization of Women now.

All right, so we're going to call Kim on her home phone, all right?

The last one there, the one that ends in 9-1, okay?

Okay.

Okay, hang on, folks.

Let's play some more of this prank call here.

What's in my wallet?

Money left in my wallet.

I did take my wallet out on several occasions.

Do you guys have a camera?

You know you're supposed to have a camera system there.

It records everything.

Okay.

I need you to come down here and talk to me personally.

My name is Larry.

Well, I need access to, like, the videos in the video room.

You will never get access to videos.

Nobody gets access to them.

My people are going to get access.

I have Italian people who are going to get access to all the videos.

You need to come down here and see me personally.

Sir, you understand.

I put my money on the table, and the next thing I know...

I understand what you're telling me.

I lost a huge bet, and the money was gone.

And I don't think that's fair.

I got a baby to feed.

So I'm getting my money back, Mr. Italian.

You understand?

Mr. Italian, I know this is a mob town.

I know how you guys operate.

Oh, shit.

When you're ready to come see me, you come see me.

My name is Larry.

Goodbye.

I want my money back.

Yes, ma'am.

My name is Tony of the Royal Palace Nightclub,

and I have found this cell phone,

and you are the first person that has answered.

I need to see if you can tell me who this cell phone belongs to

so I can get this back to them.

I'll try.

Okay.

Do you have caller ID there, ma'am?

Ted's caller ID, but I don't know how to look at it again and see what...

What's your name, ma'am?

I'm going to write this down.

Hello?

Well, I'll tell you what.

Why don't you call me right back, and I'll write the number down.

Okay, well, here's this.

What's your name?

It's Kim.

Your name is Kim?

Yep.

And I'm sorry, can I just get your last name also?

No.

Okay.

I'm just writing this down so that when I get in touch with the other person, I can tell them.

I guess I'll just tell them.

Okay, but there are a lot of people in this household they could have been calling.

It wouldn't have necessarily been me.

Okay.

If you want to call me right back, I'll write the cell phone number down,

and I'll see if I can figure out who it is.

Okay, are you ready for it then?

I'll call you right back.

No, just, okay, yeah, I'll be waiting.

Great, thank you.

All right.

All right, all right.

Just call me back, yeah.

I read that number.

Okay.

Before that, the, is it either Melody's or,

are you in Colorado?

We are actually in,

I'm at the Royal Palace Nightclub in Washington, D.C.

Okay, so that has to be, that has to be all good.

We have our, our numbers are sequential

and I have to think which one belongs to who.

Okay, okay.

1904 must be Olga.

That's Olga Vivas' number.

Okay, now does she normally frequent strip clubs then?

I think so.

Okay, well, we're the Royal Palace Nightclub.

This is a female strip club,

so I'm not opening like a can of worms.

No, no, don't worry about it.

Okay.

Give me the address where you are.

I mean, it could be that somebody swiped her phone.

Okay, we're at 1805 Connecticut Avenue, Northwest, and we're in Washington, D.C.

My name is Tony.

Okay, and your number, Tony?

It's 202-462-2623.

I think what I'm going to do is I will, probably because of the hour, do you know how long ago she lost it?

It was just turned into us about 35 minutes ago when I was trying to call some of the phone numbers on here.

Okay.

And you were the first person to pick up.

I'm sorry it's so late.

I'm not sure.

What time is it where you're at?

I actually, no, I'm here in Washington.

It was the person I thought it belonged to was in Colorado right now, where it's her.

Okay.

Which is why I assumed it was hers.

But then when I counted the numbers down, I realized it was somebody else's.

Got you.

Anyway, she has a second cell phone.

So I will call her other cell phone and see if I can catch up with her.

And you did not wake me up.

I have to get up at 3.30 for a flight, and I decided it was easier to just stay awake.

Okay, so it worked out perfect then.

I sure do appreciate all your help on this.

My name is Kim, and it was really very nice of you to track this down.

Well, and that's why I called so late.

I know sometimes cell phones can be the absolute life and death of somebody.

Absolutely.

I will, I will.

What was that?

I don't know.

It was a really weird sound.

Is that coming from your end, ma'am?

I don't think so.

Everybody in this household is asleep except me.

I'm sorry.

We have a retarded stripper here.

I see.

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize he was coming behind me.

I see.

All right.

Well, thank you.

Duellen, please hold it down.

She's also, I'm sorry.

She's got a voice box.

All right.

Well, good night.

Duellen, Duellen, good night.

Hi, Kim, and will you give me your last name so I can let her know?

Will she know who it is?

Okay.

That's fine.

Will she know who you are, though?

Yes, she will.

Hey, Kim, do you think you need a good dickin'?

Excuse me?

I think she needs a good dickin'.

I think all these women need a good fuckin' dickin'.

Ma'am, is that on your end?

How about a good call?

Press 1.

Listen to your recluse.

Listen to my dick.

Now she's gonna do a strip club to pick up her phone.

Honestly, I don't know if there are any lesbians listening,

in it, but all you lesbians need is a good

fuckin' dickin', you know? Good hard

fuckin' grab you from behind,

tag that deep inside,

grab the hair,

put your hair in a ponytail

so I can grab it, pull on it,

and give you a good deep dickin'.

You've done that before. Give the girl

a good dickin' from behind.

Put the megaphone on again, Hermana.

We're all lookin' here at Fairy.

Don't say that. Poor Fairy.

She's a nice girl. I'm sure.

She's got that bed that looks like a big

dildo right in the back you see that big bed post over there yeah anyway moving right along

that was for a new dude that wasn't necessarily all but it was just fun fun with that i hope that

wanker's up and listening he's probably asleep and wanking a bit of a prank called hooters because

i

have a thing hooters is always great because the girls are always so nice i i've heard i've never

been to hoot like i said before never been to hooters but what i understand like when you go

there trained and being very i don't know how you say very friendly like when there's a bunch of

the guys at the table, they'll sit down at the table with you to take the order, that's

always heard in the restaurant, in the food service industry, whatever you want to call

it, if you're a woman, and there's a table, let's say, that you're serving with all guys,

if the woman sits down at the table to take the order, boys get a bigger tip, because

they think, oh, this woman, wow, she sat down, I had a woman do that once, like, I was with

my, not Athena, I had a different girlfriend before Athena, and I went to this restaurant

once and she sat down next to me and took the order like sitting down next to me and this

ex-girlfriend of mine got so jealous and upset like no kidding i'm i was like wow she's like

yeah i don't i don't appreciate her sitting down next to you to take the order she was trying to

get too familiar with you and stuff like that but then i read later on and that's a trick that the

women will do that when they're at the table when it's all and it does it hooters all the time when

it's all guys that go out to the restaurant the woman that the the waitress will sit down

at the table itself

and take your order

sitting down.

And she'd be like,

oh, wow,

she's giving a special treatment.

She must be into me.

She's sitting next to me.

I'm going to give her

a bigger tip, you know,

this and that.

So I'm going to come on.

I'm going to say,

hey, lady,

me and you had this thing together,

you know,

so I'm going to call out

Hollywood Hooters.

Hey, real quick.

Yes, sir.

I was at a Red Lobster.

Yes, you were.

With some friends.

Ooh, Red Lobster.

And we had a male waiter

and the guy was blatantly

coming on to me

in front of all people.

Zoomed in.

The guy, yeah,

Yeah, he was a male waiter, dude.

Completely just...

He was...

No kidding.

I went to the dentist once, and he said...

He told me, like, you know, you should strip.

And I was like, really?

Did I hate when you go to the dentist, and you wake up...

You know, they put you in that Novocaine, and you wake up, and it's just...

You have underwear on and dollar bill stuff in it.

That's happened twice, dude.

I hate that.

What's the prank call by the Jerky Boys?

There's a Jerky Boys prank call where Tarback says he got...

No one ever...

You know, a lot of, in the first, especially the first Jerky Boys album, he explains stories

where, like, you know, I can't find it now.

I have all the Jerky Boys rants, but I don't know the title of this first one.

I got them all here, too.

Yeah, but he says that he went to the dentist and he woke up and his pants were unbuttoned.

And then the dentist punched him in the mouth and broke his teeth.

He punched me.

Oh, he called a lawyer.

He called a lawyer.

Yeah.

He gives you this, let's say, and then you wake up and your pant, your fly is open,

and the dentist out of nowhere punches you in the mouth and breaks your teeth

and then kicks you out of the back door.

That's exactly what he said his story was.

Dental malpractice.

It's number 13 off the first.

It is off the first.

Hang on, let me see dental malpractice.

Let me see if I can find that.

I found it.

Awesome.

Thanks, man.

You found it for me.

Hang on, let's play that real quick.

All right, next prank call.

Hooters.

Coming up.

Hello, are you dentist, dental malpractice?

Yes.

Get a number.

I went to dentist. I went for tooth decay. They did awful thing. He ripped my teeth out my gum. I cannot talk. I cannot eat. Curse me and hit me while I'm sleeping. And then he put me under sedation. I wake up my pants on button. My teeth gum is dripping blood.

Oh, dude, that reminds me.

We've got to check on the dead.

No, he's eyeing me earlier tonight

during a show about his gums bleeding.

Ew, really?

Seriously.

That's not good.

You've got to get that checked out, the dead,

if you're listening.

Your gums are bleeding?

No, he had, like,

he had, like, a lice and he's pulled out in that.

Oh, Brian?

Yeah.

Brian, I had a waitress there earlier.

Can I speak?

I mean, what are you doing there answering the phone?

I'm the manager.

You're the manager.

Can I speak to the waitress I had earlier?

I have no idea who that is.

Who are the waitresses that you have there?

Who's that one that, you know the one I'm talking about, the really popular one?

I have no idea who you're talking about.

I can't give any of that information out anyway.

Brandy?

I can't give any of that information out.

Susie?

Well, me and her, we had to see, like, she took my order.

She actually sat down at the table with me, and I think me and her are going to,

so she told me that I could call at any time.

Do me a favor.

Don't call back, okay?

What are you going to do about it, you fucker?

You son of a cock-blocking bitch.

I wanted to talk to a woman, not a ham.

What's that about?

Who's that cock-blocker calling and picking up the phone?

Fucking Christ.

That's bullshit.

Oh, those are my neighbors.

My tooth are all messy and messy.

When I call Hooters, I don't want to talk to Andy, okay?

I'm going to call him back and tell him that.

I don't want to talk to fucking Andy.

Who the fuck is Andy?

Fuck Andy.

Fuck Andy up his fucking ass.

I'm going to call Andy back.

You gotta help me

They kept

Cursing me

I went there

I'm crying

They cursed me

Threw me out

I'm

You gotta help me

This man named

Mr. Rockwell

Dude are you the man

That made the lawsuit

Because you wanted to be

The Hooters waiter

Because you're a man

That you had the right to do it

Are you the guy

So you already hung up

When I call Hooters, I don't want to talk to Andy.

I've got to have more Hooters.

Hang on, let me look.

I'm going to go into the logs.

Let's do that.

While I do that.

Call that one back.

Let me talk to him.

You want to talk to him?

Yeah.

Do you want to call?

Let's call Reverend Leroy Brown.

Okay.

That's in Detroit, Michigan.

Yeah.

Call Leroy Brown.

Leroy Brown, hang on.

Hey, Brown.

I'm Leroy Brown.

He said, yes, I go there for a cab.

I stop cab.

My tooth hurting.

I go in.

He say, sit down.

Then he punched my teeth.

I'm bleeding.

And then my pants unbuttoned, and then they cursed me.

Okay.

Give me your number.

Can you give me your number?

Yes.

5-3-5-9-1.

Can you come over and do me?

Hughes needs to stay in right now.

Where's your home at?

Granger.

Granger?

Yeah.

Granger what?

Granger, I'm up close to Bud Road where Hughes is.

Bird Road what?

Mr. Bird Road, that's where you is, right?

Bird Road, where you at?

Hello, I'm on Granger.

To get here soon, I'm at 42 Granger.

Granger.

Do you know where this is?

No, I don't think I do.

Oh, please, come over.

The devil's gonna be following me.

Over there.

Body needs to tell you, hang on just a minute.

Yes, this is me.

What?

This is he speaking.

What's going on there?

Okay.

In the name of Jesus.

In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus, in the name of Christ, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus.

Why'd you take care of that?

That was classic.

That was a classic.

In the name of Jesus.

He took care of that.

He got rid of the battle devil, didn't he?

There, of course.

I like that microphone.

I got another number here for Hooters where Jesse answered.

Here we go.

That's what I'm talking about.

Did you ever use Hooters?

The white devil.

The devil was calling.

Hang on, we're going to call Hooters again.

Take this one to the hospital.

You're humoring me.

It's off.

Then I wake up, my hands on my body.

Do this thing.

They don't work.

Why?

I'm new in this country, and this is the treatment by people.

Okay, what is your name?

My name is Ali Kamal.

See, the guy took my teeth and punched them.

I'm Pekka Rodham, the Hooter Girls Club here in the full bar.

This is Jesse.

How can I help you?

Hey, Jesse, what's up, girl?

Hey, I don't know if you remember me.

This is Carl.

I came in earlier tonight, and you were my waitress.

Do you remember?

No.

You're not the waitress?

No, I'm the bartender.

Oh, dude.

Yeah, that's the thing.

You know, I call bartender, waitress, all the same thing.

I kind of feel like we have that connection, you know, like me and you.

No, no, no.

Can I come, if I come back, will you be my bartenderess?

My bartenderess?

Yeah, will you give me drinks?

Sure.

Yeah?

Can I give you, do you have crawler ID?

Do we?

Yeah.

Will you call me?

Who's that?

I want to give her a memory, too.

Yeah, the tuck?

What?

Look at the tuck over there, Danix.

I can't wait till I have a duck and give it away to pretty girls like that.

Duck, that's true.

We know you're a duck.

That's just a dream of mine.

I've got the money to give it away to pretty girls.

I've got breaking news here.

Breaking news, everybody.

Just come to our secret source alarm.

Jason has showed his titties.

Ew, Arty Cam.

Duck's house.

Bisexual.

I'm fat.

Oh, there we go.

Look at you.

Doing it.

your satanic titties yes i see he's he's now he's taking it off

you better get over there quick bend over and crack a smile for us

why don't you oh he's doing he's gonna show the phone again

let's keep going here let's just my stomach hurts now

i don't like you using those little bits

i'm sorry

Fuck it, fuck it.

Talk is all these other, all these, it's out there.

Let's continue here.

Let's call, let's call the pool all junkies, all right?

We're going to start wrapping up the show.

It's 1.15 a.m.

It's time.

All right, guys.

Chuck is going to go on and kick some ass.

Oh, my God.

Evil Artie's got pierced.

You've got to help me a lot.

He's piercing him right now.

I pray to God that somebody help me, please help me.

You're able to say this at radio.tv.

He's going to must be stopped.

Did you call another cop?

No, I called you.

I'm from newspaper.

okay okay i'm too much pain too much pain okay hey hello what's going on i can't hear you yeah

hey i just want to let you guys know love with evil hardy well he is right here in front of me

i'm looking at him he is my gay lover know that he is my man and i'm we've lost the patient

that one goes out to

you already

I don't care

for your life

you got the bacon mustache on

Tuck makes a good point

they don't care

for our love

they're willing

they're blowing a big hooter

that's funny

alright let's do

one last one here

we're gonna call it a night

do you wanna call it

Chunk King Restaurant

or do you wanna

call it

Andy James

Evil Artie Cito

oh he's going

to sumo dance

let's call the

sumo dance

Satan they be

disgusted

Andy

nah they're not

he sounds kinda serious

We're gonna call the Chungking restaurant, all right?

Last prank of the night.

Hope you had a good time.

We had a good time.

Yo, Mac, I don't even understand how they didn't understand.

I was gonna call Calamity James, I think.

Okay.

I keep seeing James.

It's Jane, not James.

All right, hang on.

Freeze.

Amazing.

You gotta stop smoking those cigarettes, girl.

No offense, but when they get that voice, that's nice.

I like that girl that smokes cigarettes a lot smokes too many cigarettes voice.

oh my gosh yeah sound like the cancer lady i like cancer lady oh oh jill hello get someone

an answer here all right damn it we'll try the cobblestone cafe this one was uh from earlier

an arab guy arab guy answered let's try that again hey what are you doing

you know is it the cobblestone yeah you know can i place an order please i go i you don't

deliver do you i can't pick up hold on a second hold on no no hello how's it going

i have nothing to do with yeah no no no that's fine i can't pick it up like the order please

you carry that you carry this thing we only have chicken strips that's it yeah you just

have chicken strips is this a strip club that's it yeah this is a chicken strip club man you are

sick take order please i can't pick up okay if my order answer me i'm sitting on he will get

Get naked and rub himself all up and down your...

He's going to answer.

If you click...

That's a new phone card.

Oh, crap, man.

We can do some international calls here.

You want this from the UK?

You place a call.

Wow, cool.

I say pretty shit if you want.

Yeah, man, we got to do something, man.

We got to do something, man.

Who's making this?

I would have left for it if we didn't.

Coconut, yeah.

I just noticed, I just saw that he sent the message like an hour ago.

International phone card access number, paying card, spoof, those two city councilors,

they got into a fit.

When did he send that in?

Let's see when he sent that in.

Hang on, let me play some background music here.

Let's look here.

Coke and hay.

I'm going to look at your emails.

See if I can find that here.

Two fistfights.

I don't see it here.

There's nothing better than being drunk and tired, is there?

No, there's nothing better than that, man.

You work tomorrow?

Yeah.

It's always the worst day at work when you're at work the next day drunk and tired.

Yeah.

With, like, five hours of sleep is all I'm going to get.

Not even, by the time I get out of here, it'll be four hours of sleep.

Yeah.

Oh, crap.

All right, let's try this here.

All right.

Well, I got...

Remember, you're taking the blue after you're in the workplace.

Yeah, well, someone...

I don't know if they're still listening, but in Norway, R.O.K. was listening in Norway.

He wanted to send in a number, so go ahead and do that now.

I doubt you're still listening, homeboy, but if you are, send it in.

I'll call it.

In the meantime, Lonesome Loser did send in a number.

He was earlier, because I messaged him.

He definitely was earlier.

He was definitely listening.

All right, well, send in that number if you can.

In the meantime, I'll call Terrence Higgins.

Lonesome Loser sent this in about an hour ago, but I'm sure they'll answer still.

This is in England.

Do you have an international card out there, Madhouse Friends?

Yes.

And if Kokanee, if you're listening, send me back or copy-paste me that information

for that international number you had yourself, and I'll try that.

So we're playing extra innings here, I guess.

I promise to end the show, but here we are, more show.

Thanks, everyone, for listening.

Here we go.

Terrence Higgins, this is a wake-up call in England.

Always a favorite here in the Madhouse.

Whee!

Enjoy just a moment here.

And you want to take this one?

Oh, we do pretty good with English calls, don't we?

We do pretty good.

You know the big wheel looks like the evil guy?

Yeah, yeah.

They call him Captain Caveman a lot, too.

Captain Caveman.

He's got this throat.

He's got a ton of...

Hello?

Who's that?

Summer?

Who is this?

You've got the wrong number.

Send me the name.

Are you ready?

Pardon?

Yes, I'm ready.

Okay, this is Summer.

I'm going to be coming there to give you a massage in about 15 minutes.

I've got the wrong number.

No, no.

This is...

Is this Mrs. Higgins?

Yeah.

Okay, I'm going to be coming there to give parents his massage.

Now, can you, is he awake right now?

His massage, what for?

It's a, uh, penal massage that he, that he did.

Oh, God.

No, he, he bought this two months ago.

Huh?

Yes, Mr. Higgins?

Yeah?

This is Summer, I'm going to be coming there to give you your massage, okay?

This is the one you bought, bought two months ago.

We're just getting around to your name, and I'll be coming there in a minute.

Okay, then book, then book a massage.

It's a penal massage.

I can tell you.

Yes.

I did not book a poo massage.

You didn't book it.

You bought it.

That's right.

You didn't book it.

What are you on about then?

Your name finally came up on the screen, and we're going to come there and get you one.

You better come there.

I'll call the police.

Well, we can bring the police with us if you want to.

We've got some people that dress up like the police.

Well, I didn't know what you were talking about.

I didn't.

You don't remember buying this about two months ago?

And we told you it was at a strip club

And what we're going to do is

We're going to come there

No, no, shut up and come in there

I booked this

I got no money to book massages

I'm sorry, sir, you speak English

And I can't understand a word you're saying

No, I can't understand a word you're saying

I'm sorry, I don't talk English

Slow down

No, that's it

No, you're going too fast

Slow down

Excuse me, sir, you're probably a toss-up

How much did I pay for it?

75 pounds now let me talk to you when did i pay that he speaks your wife when did i pay that

when did i pay the 75 pounds now sir

pulling my chain what's going on here i don't understand you have nine

74 cents he was into it into any massage that's funny the wife gets him in the line and he's

He's just so interested in when he paid for it, though, as a guy.

Oh, shit.

This is a complimentary gift from the madhouse.

We'll call a handful more.

Let me look at the logs here.

I don't know if Lonesome's still around, but that's okay if he's not.

Let me go in the logs here and see if I can find some UK numbers here.

What do we call usually?

Manchester's always fun, right?

Yeah.

Let's call Manchester here.

Let me look up Manchester.

Yeah.

You know, Jill's in Manchester right now.

Jill's in Manchester.

I got a Samuel Smart.

Yeah, I was trying to get Nunu to get me the number for that wanker.

That's mine.

Maxwell's smart.

I think Nunu went to sleep.

He didn't know we were going to be doing this tonight.

He wasn't expecting it.

He got all upset.

Catched on the replay.

Yeah, exactly.

I'll send them to him.

I send them to him usually.

He usually goes to bed early, so when he does, I usually send him the good stuff later.

Okay, there you go.

Oh, man, I'm having some bad gas tonight.

You're lucky you're not here.

Oh, man, I've been having bad gas earlier today.

Smell this.

Wait, smell this, smell this.

See, you smell that?

Yeah, man.

I read it on the phone.

Nasty.

Alright, cool

Alright

Oh my god

Polka, look at his fingers

It's called Sammy Smart, alright?

He's in Manchester

Home of the Angries

Alright, let's do that

What do you think it smells like at Artie's house?

Dude, like

Oof, I don't know

Like old pizza

I don't know

Bacon wrapped in leather shoes

Like that part between your legs and your balls

When you don't wash it well

That's what it smells like

them.

Samuel Smart.

Hang on, now he's showing that part again.

Artie, put your pants on.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

He's already getting ready to show.

He's all about it.

Let's see his dildo.

All right, actually, go get me some of the number here for the city commissioner.

Let's take a look at this here.

The music, Milkman, if you don't mind.

Okay.

Milkman, appreciate it.

Let me pull up the email.

Oh, I just saw Cyan is here, man.

I want to tell him to suck him first.

That's right.

You did it in the forums.

You mistook him for Deuce.

I was like, uh, I was just...

I fixed it.

Yeah, all right.

We got the numbers for these guys here.

Okay.

In England, Commissioner Bob Shackleford attacked Commissioner Steve Kirk after tempers flared

over a disagreement between the two about the authority of city manager Richard Goode.

69-year-old got into a fight.

God, that's sick.

Oh, man.

I got into a fist fight with these guys.

Oh, we got pictures of the guys and everything.

Holy crap.

Where are the numbers at, though?

Hang on.

Okay, I got his number here.

Oh, this guy's in Tennessee.

This isn't UK.

It might be too late to call.

Hang on.

I'm going to email.

Can you get your email up real quickly there?

Yeah.

I'm going to email it to you.

We'll dial the one number, and then I'll forward this.

I'm going to email it to you, and then while the email comes through,

then we'll go ahead and do the other call here.

To Samuel Smart.

what is

I got your email

just don't worry

hang on everybody

I know I'm kind of

slow right now

I'm just a little

sweet kisses

pull my finger

honey

alright you guys

alright hang on folks

Samuel Smart

coming up in a moment

after that we'll do

one more prank call

we got a few left

hang on

don't do anything

welcome friend

deja vu

Italian

Ted knows what that means

he's listening

morning Samuel

this is your early

morning wake up

cool

I'm sorry

I'm eight minutes late

come on get up

and get out of bed

let's get going

five minutes

to pick you up

for work

I'll be there

I've got 15 minutes to pick him up for work.

Yeah, who's got 15 minutes to pick you up?

Can you be ready in time?

You're going to be what?

Hang on, let me get my paperwork.

A minute.

How are you doing this morning?

I'm trying to find my paperwork.

Hang on.

Aye, crikey.

Sorry, I've got stuff all out of order.

Excuse me?

There's got to be a wind-up.

I'm not winding you up, I promise.

I'll call you eight minutes ago.

Come on, you know where they are.

I don't know.

I'm worried.

It's a problem.

It's a shire, okay?

You're going to be flying out straight to America.

You're going to be, apparently,

Apparently, from what I understand in my paperwork, you're going to be attending a game show in America.

Game show in America?

Who?

Mark, right?

Is that who you are, Mr. Smart, right?

Hi, I'm Mark.

What are you on about in America?

You're supposed to be flying there this morning.

You didn't know about this.

I've not heard.

I don't know a thing.

They were supposed to call you yesterday.

Don't know a thing about.

Sent you some stuff in the mail.

I've not got.

I'm going to be there in about.

I'm so far behind right now.

I've got to get you to the airport.

Listen, mate.

In America, you'll have more minutes to get paid.

Yeah.

No, people in the middle of the night.

For about 10 minutes, and I get $32,000.

If you help me out, let me keep you on for another 5 minutes.

I'll go ahead and, uh...

Well, you tell me what you...

Well, I'm...

Oh, shit, that's funny.

That guy's funny.

It's like...

It's...

It's 6...

It was like 6.35 a.m. when we started the call.

We're in there.

Game show.

In one minute, I would have made it.

Game show?

What the hell?

What a surprise.

You didn't know?

Oh, shit.

All right.

I understand the chat room died in Syndicate.

I've tried restarting it twice, and it doesn't come back up, so.

That's crazy.

Yeah, I need to end the show.

I'm out of gas.

Yeah, sorry, Kokanee.

I know I had you rushed to get those numbers.

I know you sent them a long time ago.

I will get to them next show, I promise.

That's where we are.

All right.

Hey, Hollywood, thanks, man.

It's been a pleasure, as always.

Thank you.

And thank you for all your help in the forums and the editing and all that.

It always helps out, man.

You're a good...

I love you, honey.

You're a good man.

Yes, we all love Arnie's.

All right, man.

Have a good night.

Have a good weekend, man.

I'll catch up with you

soon, all right?

All right.

All right, man.

Bye.

All right.

That's Hollywood Vanya,

everybody.

Be sure to visit him

and his website,

hollywoodvania.net.

Can't take us out of here.

Please, if you don't mind.

Hey, that'd be a good

spot right there

to get the megaphone out,

you know what I'm saying?

I'll tell you automatically.

I'm sure everybody

out there would agree

this outstanding show

was well worth

the extra peanut.

I'd like to thank

all our friends

over at

syndicate.radio.tv.

Everybody over there

for bearing with us.

And stick around for the extra innings.

If Chuck is still around, stick around for Big Chuck.

He's going to have some rocking out sounds coming your way.

And if not, stick around because there's something going on.

Also, all our friends right here, there's only 26 of them out in the chat.

We've got quite a few people who have joined us tonight.

We've had a record number of people join the show.

Quite a few new listeners.

So thank you and welcome you back.

And please come back next week and tune in.

And don't miss Evil Artie's shows on Humo Dance.

Everybody out there looking for some more late-night hours of fun with your buddy.

It's time to get rid of that TV.

Thanks a lot, Ted, for coming back.

We sure miss you.

We look forward to getting active again.

And thank you for all you do.

Provide us with our voice server here.

Hollywood's doing a very good job.

GSP, man, and most of our new old friends, Lifelike.

Every life.

Coach, I need to thank you for the good call, man.

Good call.

We'll save that and coach a good use next week.

Also, Tush, hey, thanks for not calling in, man.

You did a good job.

I hope you get your computer fixed, get that Mac sent right out to your nearest McDonald's

to get rid of that piece of shit and get a real computer.

Well, but everybody that's still listening with us, it's all about you.

I want you to know we do this every week for you.

That's right, we pay to give you the most interactive fun on the Internet

right here in the form of our Madhouse Show.

And we couldn't do it without our great friend, the Lonesome Lover.

The number is hit, man, out there.

Thank God to the Lonesome Lover, everybody.

Everybody, hail, hail, raise your hand.

Also, do not forget, I'll say this to you, the general least hero of the Madhouse,

who created this crazy family we call the Madhouse.

And I'm out of Carlito.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me and Dalton here.

Oh, you, my big brother.

Take a little big blue wrap swim in two bucks tomorrow, brother, and be careful.

Don't forget to get that color butter.

Hey, man, thanks.

All right, everybody.

I want to thank everybody.

You thank Lonesome Loser Radio

I want to thank him of course

For sending in numbers

Because he did a lot of numbers

From him tonight

And they were all great

He actually sent in

One last one for England

But it's not enough time

I can't do it man

I'm sorry

Thanks

We'll just log it

And we'll put it on our to-do list

Yeah

We got a lot of people

Calling in the show tonight

But it's late guys

It's almost 2am

I got

DJ Glowworm

We got a big day of work

Tomorrow man

DJ Glowworm called in

I know Jonathan

Tried to call in today

He couldn't get through

Sian called in

did what he did

and then Hollywood

called in also

a lot of people

called in

you know

called in

nothing wrong

with that my friend

nothing wrong

alright guys

we're out of here

thank you everyone

for listening

we'll catch you

next week

visit madhouselive.com

madhouselive.com

yeah

oh shit

hang on

I want to think

I'm sorry

I almost forgot

everyone visit

tuckermike.com

That's Tuck's website.

Thanks, Tuck, for showing up tonight.

Happy birthday, Tuck.

Happy birthday to the warrior.

Happy birthday, warrior.

All right.

And then, of course, thanks.

Prankpedia.info is dead, but Blue Planet Prank Radio has successfully replaced it.

I was going to say, I was about to give a plug for Prankpedia.

So what is it now, Ted?

What is it now?

Prankpedia is dead.

What did you say is up now?

Reader?

Blue Planet Prank Radio.

I just, like, integrated it into my BluePlanetHosting.us site.

So it's just a tab on there.

And, yeah, I'm just running an archive of pranks.

Cool.

BluePlanet.us.

That'll get you there, right?

No, it won't.

But BluePlanetHosting.us, Mike.

That's the one.

I'm sorry.

BluePlanetHosting.us.

That's the last one I meant to say.

All right, everyone, be sure to visit that as well.

Listen on your, while you're at work or at home during the day,

be sure to, you want to listen to some prank calls, isn't it?

Everyone stay tuned to SyndicateRadio.com.

if you add a bunch of pranks

to your site

so I can grab them.

There's a ton of them.

Yeah, I've got to go through that.

I'm going to be making

a big update soon

and I'll get them to you too.

We've got to send that call

to him there with Al.

Yeah, we'll get to that.

Don't worry.

Thanks for showing up, Ted.

And everyone,

stay tuned to...

See you next time, too,

eventually.

Stay tuned to

SenecaRadio.tv.

I'm sure Chuck

might be coming on next

or someone will be coming on next.

Catch you next week, folks.

Thank you.

Athena,

you can pull

part of this thing now.

Bye.

I do.

Five minutes.

Pull my finger, baby.

I've been driving for years, baby.

Thank you.

I like that.

This radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Are you running this?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (24, 1 h 21 min of 3 h 15 min)

Transcript

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