2008-09-25 Show

you are listening to the madhouse radio podcast

hey folks what's going on we're back i'm back i'm back i'm back i'm back i'm back i'm here i'm here

i'm here take it easy take it easy take it easy i'm here good evening folks carlito here on the

mic ready to turn it up a few notches tonight and enjoy our thursday evening aren't you all

ready to enjoy a thursday evening i'm most certainly sure that milkman is milkman how

not bad

I think you're ready

to kick some ass

tonight aren't you

I think so too

I know I'm ready

yeah

looking forward to that

tonight here

I'm just working on

making sure my mic

isn't over

I installed a new

sound card here

so Milkman

you're really loud

but I'll fix it

it's my fault

I'll fix that here

for you

myself

don't touch your

settings

Don't you dare touch anything over there, all right?

There you go.

I'm ready to fix you.

You sound good now.

And, of course, we have the man himself, the legend from the great state of Tennessee,

which is about to expire, the Tuck.

Tuck, what's up, Tuck?

Yeah, Tuck.

Oh, golly heck, I am doing golly heckly well.

You yourself are swell, I assume.

We are both, as they say, swell.

All right, folks, if you want to reach us here tonight, you can.

and there's going to be different ways to do so tonight.

All through the night, we'll be talking about how to do so.

We'll repeat it thousands of times.

The AOL Instant Messenger screen name is Madhouse Radio.

If you want to reach me on Yahoo Instant Messenger,

that's Madhouse Radio also.

So again, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger,

that is Madhouse Radio, AOL on Yahoo M.

If you're using MSN Messenger, you can reach me at madhouseatlive.com.

Again, if you're using MSN Messenger, please message me, madhouseatlive.com.

So be sure to visit the website while you're listening to this show.

Be sure to take a look there.

There were some recent updates that the Madhouse crew made to the MadhouseLive.com website.

It's a lot more structure changes.

We've added a new show archive.

You can also now subscribe to receive new prank calls by email as well as new episodes of the show as they're released on a weekly basis.

There were four new prank calls released this last weekend, and four of those are there.

We'll be playing one of those tonight on the break.

It's a call by a reclude called, You Gave My Grandmother SARS.

Very funny prank call.

If you haven't heard it yet, you're going to hear it tonight.

I am looking forward to hearing that prank call.

Good for you, Tuck.

Tuck remembers.

Tuck gets a gold star for remembering.

Good work, Tuck.

Good.

Everybody, Tuck remembered, and that's good.

So how are you doing, Milkman?

How are you, sir?

This week, how has it been treating you?

It's been pretty good, man, actually.

Things are rolling right along.

The weather's been pretty warm out here, actually, too.

so I'm looking forward to getting a couple days off here.

I think I'm going to go up on the lake and see if I can't get me some more pike,

maybe some largemouth bass, or maybe if I'm crazy enough, get me a big old musk lunge.

Fishing fun. Fishing fun, Milkman. Very good. Congratulations.

I'm glad you enjoy fishing. I enjoy it too, myself.

Good job to you, man.

Tuck, you ever do any fishing there? Good sir.

You're in Tennessee. I'm sure there's a lot of bass fishing to be made over there.

You ever partake in the polo?

Oh, there's plenty of it all around.

Oh, yeah, when I was younger.

Not so much anymore.

But, yeah, of course, definitely when I was younger.

Yeah, all the time.

I have actually a pond right down here that we would go in a lot.

Up until my nephews were into it.

And haven't really done it since that time, which is, oh, about eight years ago now.

All right, good deal.

Hey, guys, I just want to let you know, if you're out there listening already,

ready the numbers are slowly starting to climb up as we reach our usual peak about 30 minutes

after the show starts people start filtering in as the word gets uh gets out there if you are

listening for the first time welcome if you're listening for the second time welcome as well

there's all our old-time listeners be sure to tell a friend or two if you're online now and

you see a friend or two out there who's never listened to the show or you think might be

wanting to laugh or enjoy themselves and i want you to send them a link to the website

site madhouse live.com or of course our flagship station our brothers and sisters over at syndicate

radio.tv what's up guys good times we had over there as well there was a white lady today who

was dancing in her chair she was my uh my lead and i want to thank you white lady for dancing

in the chair so much very pretty a white girl huh yeah um struggling with the white girls are you

it's good to see 40 old women who can dance in the chairs it's always

Well, that was great

That was a good time

Hey guys, if you're out there

Just want to let you know we're going to have some prizes

To give out tonight, what the contest will be

I don't know, I'll come up with it later

But we got

Two wonderful movies I picked up

In the dollar store, and I haven't

They're still factory sealed here

And you know, I don't know, I want to actually

I feel bad because I do want to watch them

But the first one is called

The Black Enforcers, it's a Lee Frost film

with three angry-looking black guys on the front of it right there.

There it is.

It's called The Three...

What is that?

The Black Enforcers.

I'll let you know.

What's a Lee Frost film?

Here's all it says in the back.

A general forms an inner-city people's army

to try and ease the misery of the citizens of Watts.

So apparently it's about...

Okay.

A general forms a...

Black people problem.

A black people army in the hood in L.A. in Watts, I guess.

and they show like they're torturing a white guy in the back.

It looks kind of funny.

So that's the Black Enforcers.

Oh, yeah, that's real funny.

It cost me a dollar.

There's a black guy.

It cost me a dollar, and it can be yours tonight.

Now...

You know, I think they've got a killer cigar out there, too.

They make, you know, Hermano.

The Black Enforcer?

You've heard of it?

The Black and Mild?

Oh, yeah.

I got one right here.

The Black and Mild, see?

Black and Mild, that's mine.

It's a two-thirds smoked right there.

There you go.

the rest of the show hey also while i was there you know yeah they got a new uh sexual toy out

too the black enforcer you know that i'm sure i'm sure you've tried it i just wanted to say

real quick this other movie here milkman i was really excited about seeing this there when i

saw the cast on here hey this is a george mccowan film and it's called black brigade and it says

carter's army saves the day now get this listen to this cast and it's actually this is a pretty

Pretty good cast.

You got Richard Pryor, Billy D. Williams, and Roosevelt Greer.

Now, I don't know who Roosevelt Greer is.

I don't know.

Maybe he's related to David Allen Greer.

He looks kind of like David Allen Greer.

Maybe he is.

But it's got Richard Pryor and Billy D. Williams in a warm movie.

It says, a redneck officer is put in charge of a squad of black troops charged with taking an important bridge from the Nazis.

And this movie came out.

It doesn't say.

Oh.

Well, I mean, I'd like to see Richard Pryor in a serious movie, as serious as it gets.

I haven't seen him yet, but maybe I should have tried to go to the Wikipedia page and found out more.

Yeah, a redneck.

A redneck captain or something.

We're going to do our own version of that movie.

Hollywood Vanya says, slow night?

I'd say so.

That's what she said, slow night, Hollywood.

I want to say what's up to everyone who's listening tonight.

Hollywood Vanya's out there making nasty comments.

Bad Boys of Ohio is in the house as well.

I know, I'm kidding, I know.

I see this guy Tux there also, Czar Alex.

Yeah, these might be nice to comment.

Lonesome Losers checking in as well as Mr. C.

Mr. C got this.

You know what happened to Mr. C?

Well, at least he comes around somewhere still.

That's true.

Mr. C, they're...

Mr. C, Richard Cunningham's dead?

He's still alive as far as I know.

Maybe he is, but this Mr. C I'm talking about,

He's a film student, okay?

And do you know that there's a movie coming out about...

A film student.

There's a movie called W about George W. Bush that Oliver Stone's making.

You know what I'm talking about?

Right.

Well, Oliver Stone and Lionsgate got together with Yahoo,

and they said, we're going to have a contest.

We want people to submit their own trailers for the new movie as a contest.

So he made a trailer, and he released it on YouTube,

and then Lionsgate saw it and had his account with YouTube terminated

because it violated their copyright on the footage from W

when it was their own contest.

Like, they did it on accident.

They didn't realize it was a contest submission that they were sponsoring.

They just saw he had footage of the new movie,

and they reported it to YouTube.

He said he had the account since YouTube started,

and he had a bunch of prank calls uploaded.

He had, like, over 100 videos or something.

So he's all pissed off.

I don't blame you, dude.

I'd be upset, too.

That sucks.

Let me know what happened with that.

i was just curious i saw your yeah he released a video like al-qaeda would kind of on some other

pirate like youtube alternative this ria thing is just completely out of hand you know well this is

mpaa stuff milkman you got the wrong organization but you're right and that's part of the reason

why we go assholes we put a hit out on jack valente and look at him he had a stroke hell

yeah man that reminds me you know do you get the message there's gonna be the uh ata conference

conference coming up i sent you the information there a point man there in the uk you know

certainly knew that sent the information in yes in a few weeks that's right the middle of october

there's going to be a american telemarketers association conference and we always target

them every year in october they have a a less formal meeting also in the spring but this year

we are going to be making our annual appearance on the american telemarketers association i believe

I believe that's October the 12th.

I'm not certain.

I'm sure Nunu will tell us if we really want to know.

Zolar's asking, what's the pass?

I can't tell you over the air.

Zolar, you know better than that?

Come on, man.

Zolar will be on tomorrow evening at 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

The pass is the pass.

The present is now.

That's very good.

And we're all there.

Zolar and his Zolar Vision Party Nation will be on tomorrow evening at 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Only on SyndicateRadio.tv.

and pedges station also don't know who pedges don't worry in the meantime we have a lot of

submissions for prank calls if you want to send anyone if you want to send in your submissions

you can do so over at the website madhouse live.com the uh prank call uh submissions here

from our hitman lonesome loser i'll give you all a idea of what we have here ready to go

victim number one on standby plowboys market man plowboy that's a good name for a superhero

Superhero homosexual in an adult movie.

Or just, I could see that at the adult video awards, you know, they'd have the gay, you know.

So you run homosexual superhero movies in your mind a lot?

No, but listen to that name, Plowboy's Market.

I could just see them saying, and for them the award for best man-on-man video of the year goes to, hang on, let me, Plowboy's Market.

They had to play the music from the corner.

How would they do that?

Hey, do I have...

Whatever it might be.

What's some good porno music?

I don't have any porno music.

I used to have porno music.

I'm pretty sure I do.

Where'd it go?

No, I can't say I do.

Here's one called I Like to Watch.

Like the old school porno music or the new school?

Here you go.

That's right here.

All right.

So, anyway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's tell him, yeah.

We got the new Russian Hill Market and Liquor.

Russian Market and Liquor.

Rincon Market.

Look at Wookiee's Tattoo and Body Piercing.

Dick Church's Restaurant.

Let's look at Barf World.

Barf World.

Bing's Kitchen.

That's a Chinese restaurant, if you didn't guess.

Look at the Chaco Canyon Cafe.

Cafe Cosba.

Rock the Cosba.

Bach Duke Dong Bakery.

I think I'm saying it.

Bach Duck.

Bach Duck Bong Bakery.

Bach what?

Ba da da.

The Dong Bakery.

Okay.

Dirty Melly's.

Hermano.

Dirty.

Badum badum.

Dirty Nelly's Irish Pub and Restaurant.

I'm doing a show, Milkman.

Hang on.

Hey, what is...

Yeah, I know.

Tell them it's the old one, Milkman.

Tell them it's the old one.

Zolar, the password is the old one.

The old password.

The old one.

The one that starts with Zolar.

The T-H-E-O-L-D-O-N-E.

That's the one.

Damn it, now we've got to change it.

We've also got a KFC in Long Beach Boulevard, Compton, California.

Yeah.

Yeah, and the KFC Pizza Hut in Compton also.

No, that's a repeat for the last one I said.

The Loose Cannon Productions in Sacramento.

And rounding out things here for the first part of the show,

we've got the Shamrock Motel in Bellingham, Washington, all on deck.

All right.

I love your charms there, Mike.

Yes, sir.

So I say let's go ahead and call KFC Pizza Hut in Compton,

Long Beach Boulevard, Compton, California,

California, because that sounds to me like a nice happening place where people are, I

don't know, just maybe willing to share in the love.

I look for people to get angry.

It's kind of hard.

You know, we should call Guam, you know?

We haven't called Guam in a while.

You know?

Wow.

When was the last time that we called Guam, man?

I think it's going to be about a year now.

We've got a Guam bomb.

I don't know.

Yeah, a big Guam bomb.

We haven't called for a while.

Yeah, all right.

We're going to call Compton, everybody.

We'll be right back.

Compton.

Coming up in a moment.

Madhouse Radio.

First call of the night.

What's up, this is Eric Wright

How you doing?

This is Eric Wright, who's this?

Who am I talking to?

This is Michael

Do you take special orders ahead of time

So I can spend as little time as possible

Inside the store

It's a large order

And I can secure it with a credit card

We could take the credit card number and everything

But now it doesn't work like that no more

Cards anymore?

Not like with the number you tell us

and we'll put it in and everything.

Now we can't work like that anymore

because I guess previous incidents or anything.

There was an incident.

Like in large, give like positive and then...

I saw on 2020 where a man called to order the pizza.

Not your place, but a man called to order a pizza

and they took his credit card numbers

and they wrote them down with all the codes and everything.

And then the next thing he knew,

they cleaned them out for everything and his benefits

and they had them dishonorably

discharged from the army and everything.

Yeah, like, well, that's part of the

experience that, you know, they happen,

but we usually, we don't do that, so

if you'd like to come in, we'll be more than

happy to, you know, take your deposit

and take your order. But what

kind of people, is it, are there

dirty people that come in? I'm just

saying so we could prevent, you know, any of that

or anything, you know. Yeah, but

you see. But I'm just saying, like, that's how

we take it now. The reason why

I want to do it over the phone is because when I come in it's because I don't like to touch

counters or the doors or anything I wear a surgical mask that it's the same surgical mask

that I've been wearing for two years and it's probably having no effect but I come in and I

like you know sanitary conditions but what type of people come in are they affluent people do some

Some of them look like they don't wash their hands when they go to the bathroom.

What other people do, we just serve our customers to the best of our ability.

So, you know, we have our sanitary issues here, and we have bulletproof glass.

So, you know, it's all up to you whether you want to take it how you take it.

Wait, you have bulletproof glass?

Yes, we do.

Even at the front?

Yes, we do.

So how do you get the food?

Through a change window.

Hey, man, is that because you guys are in Compton and you have bulletproof glass, like in a bank?

Well, probably because of the area and because of our employee safety.

So, basically, we just face carded and that's it.

Man, is it really that bad in Compton?

For real?

Like, I always heard, yo, you know, Dr. Dre and this and that.

It's like, it's not really like that, you know.

Well, it's just a stereotype that people would put out there.

So, you know, basically, you know.

Well, there's some stupid white boys come in, there's certain problems then, right?

No, not really.

At least, it's just, you know, however it goes, you know, we just are here for our safety.

That's why we have safeguards.

Would you eat a chicken meal on the floor of the restaurant?

Be honest.

Well, not everybody's walking, so why would you want to eat off the ground?

Well, let's say after closing, you had set aside a nice chicken meal,

and then everybody closed, and then everything was broke down, everything,

thing and would you sit down and eat the chicken meal off the floor of the common area of the

floor would you feel confident that you would do that and feel okay we're really really off

topic right now so you know i'm here to help you as well listen you know this hermano chicken and

everything hermano hermano hermano hermano look why i ask is because if the place isn't clean

that the employee wouldn't eat off the floor,

my dad always said, you know what, forget it.

So you tell me, would you, are you confident,

do you people have a clean restaurant?

Is it clean?

Yeah, we have a clean restaurant.

So would you eat off the floor if it's so clean?

Would you eat off the floor?

Sir, that's way off topic.

Yes or no?

I'm here to serve you, so you know.

Please, with me.

Sorry, but you know, I'm going to have to hang up

because we're not talking about orders

and what we have to do here.

Okay, you ask me

I want to come

Place a large order

Through a credit card

And I let you know

Hermano

I'm letting you know

That we're off topic

And you know

Stop calling me hermano

Because you know

Hermano

I talk English

And that's all

Brother, brother

Okay, brother

Have a nice day, okay

Please just answer the question

It's important

Damn

That's right

Again, guys

If the place is so clean

Why can't he eat off

The bathroom floor

I didn't say the bathroom floor

But I could have

i was going there next everybody i really was are they not allowed to talk spanish to each other

now you know some spanish people get uppity if you try to talk spanish to them like oh you just

think because i'm spanish that you're gonna get somewhere else because you i get so mad man when

i'm at work i'm never making this mistake again i don't care if i can get a job easier because of it

but i made the mistake with this job now of checking in that box in the application do you

you speak spanish another language i said yes i speak spanish fluently right so i went ahead and

did that like a dumbass so then they put me in this special queue and whenever someone who speaks

spanish and these americans the white people and the black people they get the call and and

sometimes you know what all they hear is the guy has a little bit of an accent and they transfer

The guy he called today, he gets transferred to me, right?

I don't actually know Spanish completely.

Well, no.

The guy is like...

I don't have an accent.

I started talking to him in Spanish, right?

And he's like, I don't know why I'm talking to you.

He's telling me in English, I don't know why I'm talking to you

because I was talking just fine to the other lady.

She was just acting like she couldn't understand me.

You know, the guy was like, you know, I speak Spanish, but...

He had an accent, but, you know, the lady was just...

People get lazy and...

ah that's weird i hate the spanish calls because the first thing that i hear when they hear my

name is carlos they're like oh and i always go mother fucker you and i say right yeah i speak

spanish man what because it's they i don't know they're it's annoying it's more work you got to

talk more syllables and shit it's so fuck that's wrong i don't get paid any extra i don't get paid

any extra for it i've done in the past but they pay you an extra you know 30 cents an hour if

if you take Spanish calls.

Because, you know, it's more work to work with those people.

Especially when you're doing tech support, you know, man.

It's not hard to say all that stuff.

I hear you.

My Spanish isn't 100%.

I mean, I've spoken in my house, so I've got pretty good Spanish,

but I don't know, like, technical Spanish, like, you know, computer stuff.

You have a basic grasp of the language.

Yeah, I've got a better than average grasp of it,

but I wasn't born in Puerto Rico.

I was born in Orlando.

I wasn't born in Puerto Rico.

I don't know

But still you know

Besides aqua and tacos

I mean my Spanish is very limited

It's agua not aqua

So I mean you know

Say exactly

I have the laptop over here

So I can't see what's going on

Oh man okay

So that was fun that was our first prank call

Ladies and gentlemen I'm going to have to play

A bet here because I need to go get some water

I am thirsty and I ran out of

water, so I'm going to go grab

some agua. Very good.

Milkman, any thoughts on that last prank call?

I think we did pretty well, right?

We were calm, and we didn't

upset the gentleman, but we did upset

him, though, by condescending him

in his Hispanic ways.

What do you say, Milkman?

I think he's a victim of the neighborhood, actually.

He's a victim of the neighborhood.

He's a product of his upbringing. That's right, Milkman.

All right. Gold star, dude.

All right. You're like Tupac

over there, Milkman.

You're like a rose that grew out of the concrete,

brother man. That's why we love you here on this

Madhouse Radio Show.

Alright, what can we play?

Let me look at these recent prank call submissions

that we made here on the website and see if I can play

one of the older ones here.

This might be going back and actually,

Milkman, I wanted you to hear this as well.

Our good friend Baz had a handful of

some pretty good prank calls from the past.

This one here is called

Television Clothing. I love these

time machine calls. That's right. This is

television clothing now this is uh we called a it's it's the walmart in in in the uk like the

uk version of walmart i forgot the name of it new news sent it into us i'm sure he can

message me quickly and everybody else and let you know let's go hesco resco testico i don't

know what it is anyway testico so uh we call several times and we start asking for television

clothing this is the beginning of our whole thing where we called everything a machine you know like

like your computer machine, your radio machine, manhouse machine, all that stuff.

This is where it started, this call here.

So, guys, enjoy this.

I'm going to go grab some water here because I have the serious case of the cotton mouth.

I'll be right back in a moment.

In a moment.

A momento, Al.

Oh, right after this.

Right after this.

Machine.

Music and video.

Hey, this is music and video department because I got the wrong department.

Sorry?

Is there anybody in the television clothing?

What is it?

Sorry, if you hang on a thing.

Hurry up.

How can I help you?

Oh, well, I asked you if there's anybody in the television clothing department.

And I asked you to hang on a second. I was telling them music things.

And then you remembered, and then you asked me again. I mean, what is this?

What kind of way of business is this?

Your destination number, now.

Did she say, welcome to Belsick Oven?

Welcome to Belsick Oven.

You put him in the thing.

Madam, I would like to apologize for my previous transgressions.

I am not the person you spoke to before.

Okay, well, I was rude to her, and I would like to apologize to her, but can you help me first?

um okay okay well the issue is i'm looking for television clothing i was looking for the person

in that department and she kept asking she's like what what you know she kept asking the question

again and again well i'm not too sure what you're asking for either a tv quote clothing clothing

ma'am clothing for the tv who does clothing for the television you twit i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm

sorry you have to phone back no no no come on i'm sorry come on baby i'm sorry damn enter your

your destination number.

You'll have to go to...

I don't know what department this was.

Shit.

In order to get the royalty rates,

internet radio webcasts must pay the music industry

to license the music we play.

The problem is, the new rates amount to over 100%

of even the most successful webcasters' online radio revenues.

Hello, Judge Colvin.

Hey, is this the lady again about the TVs?

And TVs?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're in the home later.

What's her name?

No, I've had that conversation before.

What the hell?

Ma'am?

What is your location inside the store, please?

These people just sound like these people.

They're sick assholes.

They think their shit doesn't stink.

This means unless the rates are cheap...

Good morning, I'm the governor.

David Spikens.

How can I help you?

At once, finally, I speak to a man.

How are you, sir?

Hi, how are you doing?

I just...

I can't stand the fact that this country...

You people have women working in stores like this calling the shots, you know?

I've been hung up...

Who's that?

I've been hung up on twice by these women.

Who is this calling anyway?

Anyway, are you a customer?

Yeah, I'm a customer.

I've been calling in.

I purchased something, and I need to come pick it up, and it's television clothing,

and I've been asking for that department for a while.

And every time I ask for television clothing, these horses-ass women here,

you know, they don't understand what I'm talking about they hang up on.

Well, I'll need to find out who's answered the phone then.

We'll find out.

I need names and badge numbers, please.

Names and badge numbers?

Please, if you can.

Well, I'll need to find out who you spoke to.

How can I help you anyway?

Well, I'm looking for television clothing.

I made a purchase.

I bought two large television clothings.

Television?

Clothing.

Clothing?

Yeah.

Television clothing?

Yes, sir.

Television clothing.

Yeah.

I don't know what you bastards call it here,

but we call it television clothing back in the States.

What is television clothing?

Is it just ordinary clothing?

Yeah, whatever.

It's for the television, man.

The TV.

The telly.

What do you guys call it here?

The telly machine?

You know the telly machine?

We call it TV.

The television machine.

The tube.

Television machine?

Not the television machine?

Yeah.

You got a television machine there?

Nope.

It's a television machine.

It's a TV, but not a television machine.

That's what I'm saying.

We call it a television machine, man.

You know, what are you talking on right now?

What are you talking to me on?

On a telephone?

No, no, no.

The telephone machine.

Huh?

Exactly.

The telephone machine.

An answering machine.

Telephone machine, man.

An answering machine.

What's in your hand right now?

What are you holding?

A telephone.

Telephone machine.

Well, we call it an answering machine.

No, no.

It's just a machine.

Yes.

Well, if we could tell what you're looking for then.

What are you looking for?

How do you get to work in the morning?

Same problem as you, by car.

Yeah?

Well, it's the car machine, you know?

Uh-huh.

You take the car machine.

Uh-huh.

We call it a car.

A car machine.

No, no, but it's a car machine.

We call it a car.

Yeah. Well, I don't care what you call it, man, but I'm looking for television clothing.

You see, we have differences, but together, we make a pretty good team, you know?

Television clothing?

Television clothing, yeah. Look it up in the manual.

Television clothing?

Do you have an English to American dictionary there?

No.

You sure you don't? It's a pretty big store.

No.

Why don't you look it up on your computer machine?

Do that stuff.

You got any book machines there?

Do that stuff.

My name is Jack Valente, and I just had a stroke.

Right.

Don't forget the stroke part

Whatever that was

That's funny

Television clothing everybody

I'm gonna turn the mic back on here

Or the camera back on

How do I do that?

You're nuts

That's hilarious

Yeah man

Nunu says that Ellie is wearing television clothing

Make a quick shout out here Hermano

Of course go ahead Milkman

Shout it out

Yeah man I like the thing

Shout it shout it shout it out man

The gay horner

Yay!

We're tuning in tonight.

Okay, great.

Also, oh, there's Ellie.

I'd like to shout out to everybody, all our friends out there.

All our friends in LA.

Ed, Hollywood, Killer, MSP3 Clay, Zolar, Psychic Chuck, John Rica, all of our friends, Evil, Artie, Barry.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah.

We got numbers in Guam coming in here from our homeboy, Lonesome Loser.

I say we go ahead and hit those up.

I'm pretty sure I can call Guam without a penalty on the spoof card.

We'll find out in just a moment, everybody.

Now, if you do want to reach us here tonight, you can.

The toll-free line is not open yet, but it will be open in a moment.

If you want to make a note of that, the toll-free line will be 1-888-278-8509.

I, of course, am Carlito, your host here on Madhouse Radio,

which is live every Thursday night starting at 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

So we're in the first hour of our show still.

Excuse me.

mate just had some great turkey roast that i made this earlier this afternoon i slow slowly baked it

for about two and a half hours and it came out very well i recommend everybody do that look in

your groceries freezer for turkey my favorite meat in guam we have windchills donuts and pastries

we also have a subway it's going to give that call give a call to that subway that's a subway

restaurant in the island of guam a united states territory for those of you who don't know they

They are all Americans.

They are all English speakers.

They live in a very small island in the Pacific.

I don't know off the top of my head.

Milkman, any idea what time it would be over there in Guam?

I just, I don't know off the top of my head.

Let's look up Guam time zone.

Guam is about 13 hours ahead of us, man.

They're tomorrow already.

I know that much.

About 13 hours ahead of us.

I think it's like 11 a.m. over there now.

That's about 11 o'clock right now.

Yeah, pretty much.

It's actually Saturday.

It's actually Friday at 12.51 p.m. right now in Guam.

It's almost 1 p.m. tomorrow over there.

That is awesome.

So let's give them a call over there and see how they're doing, our brothers and sisters in Guam.

Just a moment.

Yeah.

All right, the spoof card does not call Guam.

So we're going to need an international card, and we're going to call Guam.

Milkman, do you have yours a Kimbo?

It's green.

Milkman has one.

We've got to find it, though.

All the cards?

Yeah.

Send that to me if you could, please.

I would appreciate it, sir.

Okay, while you work on that, let's call one of these U.S.

50 state numbers

before they close up here and do a little

mix it up a little bit. We're going to call

Plowboy's Market. Plowboy's Market

is in Fountain Valley, California.

We're going to continue with the song.

Be right back.

Guam coming up later in the show.

Also,

we do have a confirmation.

Reclude will be joining us later tonight

at around 11.30 p.m.

in about 45 minutes from now.

We'll all look forward to that as well.

Reclude? Yeah, me too.

Yeah, I got you.

Thanks to Milkman for sending in the international card.

Thank you, sir.

I'm laughing.

I'm serious.

We're white.

We're rich.

We're laughing.

White people laughing.

Hello?

Hello, Paul Boyce Marcus.

I don't appreciate going in there, sir, and soliciting people with coupons.

Laughed at.

A couple of men called me an immigrant and asked me for my green card in front of children

and then encouraged the children to say racial epithets at me.

I don't appreciate this.

I don't understand what happened.

You came into Plowboy's Market?

Came in, and I was giving out coupons for my business.

I am a dry cleaner, and this man came up to me.

Were you inside?

He said, hey, boy.

And I said, excuse me.

And I said, hey, boy.

Come here, what are you doing?

Who came up to you?

It was a man.

Was it a tall gentleman, a short gentleman?

Was he white?

He was so scary.

And he took, I was holding a whole stack of regularly sized paper and canary yellow with the little thing where you could cut it out.

And he took the stack I was holding and he slapped it very hard with the palm of his hand from the very top down and scattered them everywhere.

And he said he was...

Were you inside the store doing this?

Yes.

And he said, I'm going to make you.

I'm going to make you pick up every single one that you just dropped.

And I tried to tell him, sir, I didn't drop it.

I didn't do anything.

First of all, I can't believe it's one of my employees.

He threatened me and he said he was going to pull out his thing

and he was going to do something to me and I wouldn't ever dare.

None of our people, I'm sorry, I don't know if you came across an employee.

I wish you could describe him so I could talk to him.

Maybe it was a sick person, a sick person that you have.

I can't talk to him about it.

I can't believe any one of my employees would do that.

Who do you think it was?

Who would do such a thing and hurt my feelings?

I have no idea.

He pulled, and then he said he was going to pull out his penis,

and he was going to do something to me with it.

I can't possibly know who that is.

It was a tall gentleman.

It was that tall gentleman there who thinks he owns the world.

I don't have anybody like that here.

And these kids came by, and he told them,

Hey kids, look at this man

No, we don't have anybody like that

I'm sure you have that experience

He's a gay

He said that I'm a gay

Who was his customer?

Are you protecting this person?

I can't answer that, the gentleman to me

You are protecting this tall man

I am not protecting

I have a lot of tall men

It was a tall man

Wearing shoes

He had his hair

He was wearing shoes

Place a call, press 1

Listen to your recorded call.

Excuse me, he had a watch on.

He showed me his penis.

Penis.

Did you get that part, Talk? Penis.

Yeah, penis, man.

Don't forget the penis part.

Hey, everybody.

Don't forget your penis parts here tonight.

This is Madhouse Radio, the MadhouseLive.com people.

I am Carlito again, and this is Milkman is here.

Milkman is the co-host for four years going.

We have Tuck as well here, our good artiste.

Please visit his website.

That's over at tuckermike.com.

I've only been here a year.

Well, you've been here a year.

I think the famous artist.

That's right.

Also in the Madhouse.

The fartest.

Milkman, did you see those exciting?

I did want to announce here, of course, a few bit of Madhouse announcements.

Next week, there will not be a live show.

uh i am going to be uh undisposed but but hey but look what i am doing here i've been working

with hollywood vagina and together we have been putting together we've been putting together

a new a new best of madhouse shows going back 2005 early 2006 some stuff that hasn't been heard

of you want me to give you a quick uh i'll give you a ghetto a trailer over here hang on let's

see what this one is yeah i guess that's too late oh is this the uh alcoholics anonymous

okay uh my name is billy mira hi billy hi how are you i'm fine thanks i'm jesse hi i'm an alcoholic

this is from uh this is from january 12 2006 my favorite part is how it ends everybody listen to

of this year.

That's up to you.

Oh, good.

Do you want help?

Yes.

Help me, please.

Well, if you give me your name,

I can get someone

who can call you

and, um...

My name is...

Your name's Billy, isn't it?

My name is Al.

Al?

Alcoholic.

Right.

Okay, then.

See if you really want...

Enter your destination.

Yes, I need your help.

You can drink half, baby.

What was in that?

A young milkman

over there in the background

ground talking. Did you hear that? That was old.

That was from January. A young

milkman with black hair.

Yeah, with black hair.

Hey, here's

something else that you guys

might find a little interesting as well.

Let's

see if I can find this here.

I still have it in edit mode.

Hey man, for all that, why don't you guys just carry

taser guns, man?

Here we go. Thank you.

Is there a wire nose or compound when you hear this one?

I'm serious. I mean, we're not taking up your time, right?

All I know is I fucking get Zola on the phone and right away he starts beating me up.

I thought the fucking guy loves me.

I don't know.

I bet you guys had more love for each other.

I don't know.

All right, hang on, guys.

Hopefully you can hear this.

Hang on, everybody, for the first time.

I hope I don't get noble for this with KDK.

I've played a clip already.

Play it.

All right, here we go.

That's not it.

I wonder what fucking Puerto Ricans procrastinate like there's no tomorrow.

It's just my genetic makeup.

That's my lot in life, to always be miserable and unhappy.

Much I love you, right?

But every day that he sent me somebody like you,

people without condoms,

I didn't even give a shit,

because as far as I was concerned,

if I would die,

it would just prevent me from a life of unhappiness.

Stuff like that,

where I'm just trying to be shocking and harsh,

and it's not right.

We should call KDK right now on the air

if Lego would provide that service to us,

and we should tell him that we love him

and that we appreciate the fact

that he built this whole fucking area for us

to be what we are.

Yeah, do you know I was kidding?

No, I think you're a scumbag.

I think you're kidding now.

No, no, no, no, no.

And at the end of the clip, did you hear me say that, you know,

I'm going to break character and not be a fascist?

Everybody knows I'm crazy.

I have chemical imbalances.

I'm manic depressive and bipolar.

And you know what?

If you don't like it, don't listen.

Right.

But what I'm saying, though, do you know I'm kidding when we say, you know,

we don't fucking, you know what, I'm being crass?

No, I think you're kidding now.

I think you really are an asshole.

All right.

And at the end of this, I'm playing.

All that and more next week.

Dude, there is so much shit on there that's old that I forgot about.

Can you imagine that?

That was me, Lego, and Zolar calling KDK way back.

That's like when the whole split, like that ugly episode started.

That was a long time ago.

Yeah, man.

So that's good.

What was it, man?

I heard that, my God.

I don't remember what that was about.

it out hey you guys all right guys um let's move on let's do some more prank calls what do you say

this computer over here keeps shutting off it sucks man it's not fair let's start doing that

let me go ahead and open up the toll-free line here if you guys if you want to call in now's

the time by the time this uh delays yeah might just mess with so they'd like to call in oh really

Really? Really? Good for them.

The line is 1-888-278-8509.

Colin?

And, Bradley is my douche.

Good. Yeah, no douche calling.

Alright, so now we have a number to call the Guam country.

They got pissed off when the one man in green.

We have a number to call Guam with now, a phone card that is.

So we're all excited about that.

Thank you, Milkman, for sending that in, brother.

Appreciate it.

Yeah.

Okay, I gotta step out.

I gotta handle something in the other room real quick.

In the meantime, we are going to call Guam next.

But before that, we're going to listen to another new prank call,

which is given to us by a good friend, Baz.

He submitted four prank calls in the past, classic prank calls.

And this one here is called 6494.

In 6494, I, Carlito, call.

I call some number in Scotland, you know, Scotland, Scootland.

And I guess over there they have this thing where they give out the last four digits of the phone call.

Like, you know, if your number ends in 1-2-5-3, you know, when you pick up, you go 1-2-5-3.

So he did it to me, and I didn't understand it at first.

So I just, you know, I go into some, like, trucker CV talk with him over number codes, and he gets upset.

That was a great call.

Thank you.

What's coming up next?

Thank you for helping us out with that, sir.

And also, thank you.

you and at the end of it um at the end of it he you know he's obviously upset because i thought

that he sounds like uh like okay i heard him say scootland and i said wow that sounds just like

you know william wallace said i'm braveheart so i asked him to say freedom but he refused to say

it so i want to find this guy's number again and see if i can get him to say freedom well here we

go listen to this i'll be right back thank you seven four five one or whatever it was one eight

What's your number, Mike?

Milkman, remind me, I had to talk about the new CD.

I had to talk about the new CD.

6-4-9-4.

What's going on, buddy?

2-8.

Number?

6-4-9-4.

It is.

6-4-2-8, how you doing?

Who the hell are you?

Copying, what's your current status?

6-4-9-4, over.

Listen, who are you?

6-4-8-2, and I'm asking for your status.

6-4-9-4, do you copy?

What's your 10-12?

Thank you.

Would you get off the phone?

I'm 20-5-7 in the morning in Britain.

What's the big fucking deal?

Neil, it's Friday, dude.

One atom clock.

Pick up the UK.

Got it down properly.

6-1-8-4.

6-2-5-7, what's your status, over?

Some asshole, please just do it for me.

Got to load, save freedom.

Yes, I did want him to save freedom.

That's what Milkman said.

Carlito, get high or drunk or both, you sound sad and depressed.

I'm working on it, I'm drunk.

That's why I sound like it, I'm not depressed.

Alcohol is a depressant.

This here is a tall Heineken

Yes it is

I say Heineken

Yeah don't bring

Don't bring alcohol in the picture

Let's give Barney some Heineken

Over here everybody

Don't drink your vodka

I'm giving Barney some Heineken

Yeah that's true

That was gay

Alright everybody let's do another live prank call

Let's call Barney

Looking at the good

Gun lovingly

and caressing it and cleaning it.

Ladies and gentlemen.

So is the vodka.

Ladies and gentlemen, attention, attention, attention.

We're going to be calling the Jamaican Grill in Guam

in the Chamorro Village in Guam.

Let's do that now.

The Chamorro Village.

Hey, there's a line open.

Really?

Somebody's calling me.

The line is busy.

No, the line's open.

Yeah, that's weird.

I don't know what's going on with the toll-free.

I don't think it's working.

Yeah, I'm still getting the message it's busy.

I don't understand why.

Why would it happen?

Is it no longer toll-free?

Oh, no.

It's working.

It's paid.

It says it's enabled.

I don't know.

You want to call the toll-free people again?

We call them all the time.

Let's see.

Let me check my settings.

Maybe it's forwarding to the wrong number.

Let me see the number I'm putting in.

I was going to say, check your rooms.

Get them out of these recycled or whatever.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm forwarding it to the wrong number.

Who knows what's getting these calls?

No, that's the right number.

Hang on.

Let's see here.

Settings.

Oh, dude, I'm a T-Mobile customer and I've been one for a long time.

And I support the HTC T-Mobile Dash, you know.

And then this week, or earlier this week, on Tuesday, they announced the Google phone.

T-Mobile is going to have their first 3G phone, the G1.

It's by HTC.

It looks really nice.

It's missing some stuff, but it's going to go out.

It's got the Android platform, and it looks like it's going to be a winner.

And I was like, you know what?

I'm going to upgrade it.

I'm going to get that new Google phone, put some effort behind it.

I'd like to see Android take off as a cell phone platform.

This is like an open source where anybody can make whatever widget or thing that they want to do for it.

So, I go to, you know, and T-Mobile's like $179.99, you know, for the phone.

But that's for, like, new customers, you know, who are going to make a new contract.

For me, as an existing customer, instead of $179, it's $299.

It's like another, it's like a goddamn $120 difference, isn't it?

Yeah, $120.

$179, yeah.

I'm like, dude, that sucks.

That's what I'm saying.

You're right, man.

They should.

I'm showing here actually that this number is correct.

It's forwarding correctly.

I have a question.

Have you heard that the new Google browser, have you checked it out yet?

I just heard about it.

I haven't downloaded it.

Yeah, Chrome, it's fast, and you have the ability.

You know, Firefox, as much as I like it because I have so much that I can do

with all the plug-ins and extensions,

it is it's gone to the point where it's bloated now chrome a memory hog it is chrome is not chrome

is like speedy it's fast it's good it just doesn't have the extensions and add-ons that firefox does

i can see myself using two browsers now i can see myself using for you know for general stuff i can

see myself using chrome and on the side those will have firefox running with you know for my add-ons

and extensions and all that kind of stuff.

I could see myself starting to do that this weekend.

I actually thought about it this weekend.

Yeah, for that reason.

Yeah, and I haven't looked yet,

but I'm looking for a portable version of Chrome.

I think there is one out there.

I want to install that on my jump drive.

Man, we're talking some nerd stuff, aren't we?

What's that about?

Guys, I don't know what's going on with the toll-free.

Honestly, I'm trying to call it.

Let me try it again.

Let me see what happens.

It's supposed to be working.

No, it's not.

So, I don't know.

I can call customer service.

They're open 24 hours a day.

I mean, I'll just have to play music or something.

I mean, it's like I...

I think you better call them up.

Yeah, I think you better call them up.

Well, I'm on the air and I had to give...

I got to mute the camera because I had to give them my...

Who is it trying to call in?

It's so gosh darn important.

I don't know.

Milkman gets...

Milkman just gets so silly sometimes and so dramatic.

Is he trying to call in?

Well...

He's in the CES.

You just need to call in.

Tell him that.

All right, guys, guys, guys.

Two to three minutes, man.

I've got to get this somewhere where it doesn't make a damn noise.

I'll put on my leg and talk to my leg.

All right, in the meantime, we are going to be calling Guam.

Let's go ahead and call Guam on the other line while we're at it.

We'll see what happens here.

Hey, you know what?

Just wanted to do a quick plug here.

For next week, if you all are listening,

make sure you tune in on Tuesday night around 11.

Check out the Madhouse stream.

We're supposed to have a new act to be joining us.

Yeah, yeah, do that.

Reklu wants to call in. Let's get Reklu on the line here.

I'm going to give him the direct line.

That's right. What is it? It's a mind vomit and randomonium.

Yeah, Rek, I don't know what's going on with it.

Someone's got it through here.

What is that?

What's up, man?

What's up, dude? Hey, let's call in on Guam.

Oh, Guam.

For Finger Freddy, you did.

Finger Freddy.

This is Reklu's website, but he is Reklu.

I'm getting one, but I just...

The problem is, like, the name.

I'm trying to do other things with it, which, like, some people, like, know it.

Know me for that name

For like record production

Right

And then like

Obviously I've said

Some really fuck up

And offensive shit

As that same name

So

I'll figure it out

One day

Yeah

We'll figure it out one day

Don't worry about it

Alright

I sent you this shit

In the chat room

Or I'm gonna send it to you

In Yahoo also

I guess

I don't know what you wanna use

Um

Yai yai

Who you calling?

Um

Just give me the list of numbers

That we got here in Guam

Okay let's call the fucking

Um

Let's call the bleeps

The what?

Yeah, uh, who was that?

Hold on a second, let me actually look.

I put it on the phone.

Uh, let's see here.

Good ol' Lonesome Loser.

I got it.

Fuckin' subway.

Donuts, windchills, donuts and pastries.

We got fuckin'

Eatin' bread.

Plaza, hotel.

Yeah, maybe hotel, man.

Let's see there.

Michelle's Coffee Shop.

Veterans Highway.

That sounds like a bunch of fuckin' vets.

Yeah.

No, it's probably just some fuckin'

What do they have over there?

Are they fuckin' like

Coconuts and

What's a Native American kind of people?

They're like Samoan-looking, kind of, you know, like Mongoloid-looking kind of guys.

Spanish.

A lot of Filipinos are living there, and they take all the cheap jobs.

That's like their...

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

What do you mean, like everywhere they live?

Yeah, exactly.

Pretty much.

Yeah.

No, do they live anywhere and take the good ones?

I don't know.

They're like the cheap labor.

Oh, wait.

I should have said that.

They're the cheap labor of the Mariana Islands, and they're all citizens.

That's why they go there.

Yeah, I'll tell you what, though.

Fucking broads can choke it.

Yeah.

Yeah, they can choke it.

The broads could choke it.

Well, they will.

Not that they can, but...

Could.

I mean, maybe I haven't found...

I've yet to find an amazing Filipino broad, but...

All right, so the hotel or the subway or what?

What's going on?

Let's call the hotel.

Let's get them fucking...

Let's put the ho in hotel.

Let's do it.

The Grand Plaza Hotel.

Reckloop Carlito.

Phone calls.

Oh, it's busy anyway.

Quack.

On the bay.

Hey, Route 2.

Yeah, what's the city?

Like, the city.

The big...

They got one big city there.

Well, let's go ahead and go to the Wikipedia machine

Unless anybody out there wants to submit some information

Yeah, tell us about Guam

I mean, I know they got fucking

Big tits

What, you got a bunch of tan-looking people?

They got big tits

Big tits in Guam

Those women out there, they got big floppers

All over those islands, man

They said the Japs don't have any big tits

They got small tits

I'll tell you what, I'd take one of them Japs, though

Yeah?

Fucking them Japs, you can bang

Oh, yeah

Dirty girls, too

They do dirty stuff

Yeah, they do dirty stuff

They're really hot

Guys,

guys, let's find...

Give me a city.

I'm looking on this Wikipedia page, and I can't find anything.

Culture, government, and politics.

Guam is governed by an elected governor.

Blah, blah, non-voting, blah, blah, blah.

Oh, shit, it doesn't say crap here.

They got military bases.

I see that.

Say, I got a premise.

What's your premise?

Well, we'll say, like, all right, so I feel like doing Richie Randall calls

and trying to get, see how Richie Randall's starting to be, like,

really sexual towards women at the end of the call.

And basically, like, he's going to be in town for some fucking tour or some shit.

He's going to, he's playing on the military bases, like an LSU.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, wait a minute.

What the fuck is that, USO?

The U.S.O. is the military kind of thing, yeah.

Like Bob Hope's, Bob Hope's grandson, there you go.

Okay.

There's a good one.

The capital's called...

It's the United States Opera.

The capital's called Hagatanya, Haganya, H-A-G-A-T-A-N-A is the capital of the fucking place.

Ah, well, I'm a dumb American.

You bloody bastard.

Yeah, all right, we'll find him.

Randall's not the most person on the earth.

He doesn't have to be, either.

He wears a bow tie and has braces, so what the fuck?

Exactly, he's an embodiment of the true American spirit.

That's right, good work.

Richie Randall.

On the Bay, everybody.

Hey, we've got a Richie Randall call that's going to be on next week's Best Of episode.

Catch it.

Oh, yeah, which one?

The good one, the one to the monkey bar.

That's the one where the whole story got laid out.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm putting all the 15-minute prank calls that I can't ever really release because they're too long.

I'm making a show out of them.

We got some old stuff going back like 05 and stuff, man.

See, I heard that stuff.

You were playing with Zoloft, talking with KDK and shit.

That shit was pretty funny.

Yeah, that was a long time ago.

We need to go back.

Is he still in the air?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, he is.

Yeah, he is, man.

Motherfuckers like that are never...

What else could they do?

I don't know.

Whatever makes him happy.

I mean, he's a genius in his own mind.

Let's call in on the...

Hello?

Are you here?

You guys open?

Yes, we are.

How many rooms you got?

Yeah, because we've got big bands coming through.

We're playing the military bases, but we don't have any room to stay on the bases,

so we've got to go to one of you guys.

Can you hear me?

Yes, I can.

How many rooms are there?

Basically, the band is about four.

You know, as many rooms as we can get, it's all paid for.

The promoters are all paying for it with the USO tour.

You know, like, I'm Bob Hope's grandson, and we're going on a tour.

He got me, you know, when I was young, I was playing the USO tours.

Oh, okay.

You know what I'm saying?

Man, so we got to get a room.

You guys get breakfast in there?

I mean, we just have...

Yeah, but we can't be driving all over the country.

We just want to know if you got any rooms.

You know, we'll put a down payment on it or something.

I have my manager here.

Yeah, we'll try to get some rooms quick.

We're just kind of scouting around.

He's on his cell phone, too.

We're all on our cell phones trying to get a place to stay right now.

Really? Okay.

Yeah, we're going all crazy around.

I mean, I guess we hit up all the closed spots

because everybody's young going, you know what I'm saying, in there.

Yeah.

So, yeah, that's what I mean.

I don't think we'll be able to accommodate all of you guys.

Oh, jeez Christ.

I think you have, like, there are two rooms available.

Oh, jeez.

Okay, you got two rooms?

How big are they?

You guys got little cottages, thin beds,

or maybe them beds that pull out from the walls.

You guys got those?

Or maybe cots?

No.

I mean, it's real.

I mean, we're just, like, we'll get those rooms.

You guys have any sits or hotels?

Free to other hotels.

Okay, listen, but, I mean, I mean, this is, you're backing me up against the wall here.

You got to help me out.

You got, like, two rooms.

Let's get, we can have everybody sleep in there.

Then, you know what I'm saying?

Do it, you know what I'm saying?

It's the military.

We got to, you know, the troops.

We got troops, you know, cheer them up, you know, get them, get them moving, you know.

So, I mean, do what you got to do, you know.

What's so funny?

What was funny?

Are you not American or citizen or something?

You just don't like the troops?

No, I wasn't trying to offend you at all, sir.

What's your name?

My name is Amy.

Amy, okay.

You got a manager there I can speak to?

Um, he's not here.

Okay, anybody there except Cassette?

You can't put up.

Trying to, you know what I'm saying?

I put my heart and soul into my show.

And then somebody, you know, laughs at me.

It just throws me all apart.

I don't know how to.

You know, my dad, my granddad, he's dead now.

You know, he spent his whole life trying to make the troops.

And I just try to, you know, get excited about it.

and you giggle at me.

What shit is that?

Crazy.

Two rooms or what?

Two rooms available.

Okay, we'll get them.

Let's book them, all right?

It's no more Mr. Nice Guy.

T. Randall.

One is T-H-I-C-H-A-A-G-A-L.

Got some mosquitoes down there a lot.

Mosquitoes a lot or anything I should know about.

Highly allergic to a difference.

Some more than insects.

Can't deny it.

And because of the season, there are ants.

They don't get in the rooms, though, do they?

Sure they do, sir.

Oh, jeez.

How many of them get in the rooms at once?

Can you just not like us Americans, or what?

I mean, is it that, or what?

I just can't get it about you.

I mean, you're just not like us.

You want me to believe there's mosquitoes, and, you know, my feelings are silly.

I won't get you.

She really brings me down.

You're hiding it, though.

I mean, I know what you're doing.

You know, I thought you were a nice guy.

I just need two rooms.

Can we get those right away?

Because, I mean, I've got all kinds of things.

Go ahead and book those rooms, sir.

Go ahead.

Hurry.

Just book them, okay?

Just book them, see?

What about the next two days?

Yeah, for two days. That's how much we need them.

Two days.

Yeah, for today and tomorrow.

And then the next day.

Well, that's three days.

And then for three days.

And then any other rooms you open up, you'll put me right in there.

You'll sign my name on the paper.

Sir?

Only seven and a half.

Okay.

Now I know you guys don't like this or less.

Why are you trying to overcharge us?

I know guys that go in there and get $60 or something.

We're with the USO tour.

I mean, you're just going to charge us out that you're not like Americans?

What is your problem, lady?

Seriously, I need to hear something about this because I'm sensing...

I mean, what, are you from Pakistan or something?

Yeah, okay, we need to talk about this.

This is getting out of hand.

Just give me your master or whatever you've got to do.

I mean, because I'm not dealing with this anymore.

I've worked too hard and paid my dues, and I don't need to be treated like this.

You know, I don't ask for much.

You know, I don't pretend I'm some rock star or nothing.

You know, I can play guitar pretty well, but I'm not a rock star, and I don't, you know, all I ask for is a little respect, you know, and just respect for what I do and who I am.

That's all, you know.

I mean, we come to your country, we respect you, wherever you're from, you know what I'm saying, and then this, I can't deal with it.

All the stuff that's going on in the world, and you're going to try to make me feel bad for who I am, that's wrong.

Here we help you people out a lot, I'm pretty sure.

You got a banquet room or what?

What's going on?

You're not talking to me.

I don't want to talk to you.

Okay, you got a banquet room?

We don't.

Okay, well then forget it.

Now what were you about to say?

For the room, $77.

$77.

That's the rate of the offer.

That's just made up.

For the real price.

You're not happy with the prices.

$69.99.

Now that's the price.

You don't tell me $7, $7, $7.

Are you just trying to hear me say the S word over and over again?

S, S, S?

I'm losing you here.

I'm not hearing you too much anymore.

Is your phone cutting out?

It's going out.

Can I hear?

Can you hear me?

Hello?

I hear something.

I hear a little hum of a machine in there or something.

I'm here. Yeah, can I hear you now?

Sir, I can hear you.

Okay, listen, what's going on with the phone?

Sure, sir.

Okay, listen, I've had about enough.

Who owns your building?

Gary Torres.

Hold on a second.

Gary Torres.

How long has he been in Guam?

You're just jerking me around.

So what's your real price over there?

Will you charge all the natives?

Sir, for the oceanfront one-bedroom, I'm only charged $88,000.

You informed me that you're with this military.

Brought it down to $77,700.

Does that make you feel bad or something?

I don't want to make you feel bad, sir.

Where can we go with this?

Hold the rooms. Hold the two rooms until 3 o'clock today.

3 o'clock. What time is it now?

41.

So, only got like 1 hour and 19 minutes to decide?

If you need it any longer, please let me know.

I will hold the two rooms that we have available.

Okay, you guys should hold them down there. That's great. That's great.

We do hold them until 7 o'clock this evening.

What anemones do you have down there? Anemones?

Basically, it's just a TV pole.

Yeah.

That's it.

Do you guys got, like, does in-calls over there?

Like, do you have staffers that do, like, incoming?

Like, no.

I mean, like, in-calls, like, visits to your apartment.

Do you guys have, like, the help pages?

Like, because what we're looking for, too, is a couple nights.

Like, one of the nights is Uncle Sam night.

So what they're doing is they let us get a couple escorts, and they say it's okay with the law.

I'll provide any of the services, sir.

Okay.

Do you know anything about it?

You got anybody that's doing that around there?

Because we need to get five of them.

Courts?

Yeah.

One for two, one per room.

Who does, who provides those services, sir?

Who provides that?

Courts?

You guys, I know you guys got them over there.

Seriously.

Not here at the hotel.

You would probably find them up north.

Oh, yeah?

You would find them.

Where'd you find them at?

Probably look at the bigger hotel.

Probably provide those services.

Are you serious?

That's crazy.

See, I was just joking.

I didn't know you guys really did that.

But that's crazy.

You guys really have a bunch of escorts over there?

That's horrible.

I do.

You just told me where to go get hookers at.

You realize that?

I'm going to tell your manager.

I'm talking about the purse, sir.

Come on.

What's an escort?

Come on.

Don't give me that nonsense.

Sir, is there anything else I can help you with regarding the room?

Yeah, I got a question for you.

How much would it cost?

$7.70.

No, I'm not talking about the room.

I'm talking about, you know, who else you got working in escorts?

We do not provide the services.

So, you have anybody that maybe, like, we can just work a deal?

You know, you can add some money onto the room or something,

and I can just work a little deal in there?

Tell you what, I'm a really good guitar player.

See, I'm more good-looking than any guy in Guam.

Yeah, right, good guy, good-looking guy, real clean.

And that's right, I'm not some overweight businessman, you know what I'm saying?

I'm looking real good.

You give me escorts, you know, I mean, or, you know, whatever.

If you're not doing anything, you stop by, you know, whatever works.

It doesn't even have to be for money, free.

I'm trying to do that to you, you know what I mean?

Can I help you with the room, sir?

Yeah, when are you going to be down in it?

Sorry?

When are you going to be in there?

Room number, I'll just tell you which one to go to.

I'll take that one and send the band and the other guys back to the other one.

Right now?

Well, that's fine.

Once you come down, like what I'll do, you're going to be at the jazz college you're working tonight.

We're only open until 5 this evening.

Okay, well, I'll be there about, you know, 3.30, 4.

And it gives you a little time or whatever.

You can stop by.

We can hang out, chill, relax.

You know, we talk about the stuff and scenery, you know.

And then one thing leads to another, you know, and you get off your shift, you know, and hop on in.

Okay, sir.

We'll see you at 5 o'clock.

All right.

No, I'm going to be there early for you, though, except I see you taking my ID, right?

She will.

Okay, sweet.

No, you will.

I'm going to be down there for you.

Very much so, and we'll see you there.

So what's going on?

So what's going on through your head right now?

Tell me.

Just share your thoughts.

I really don't want to talk about that.

But I only am here to help you if you need to make a reservation.

That's fine.

We already covered that.

So let's go to the next step.

I need to research some of your personal time.

Research on your personal time.

You and me together.

We don't provide those services.

At the end, you're like...

Your handle totally changed.

That was horrible.

She's like, well, what are you going to be?

You have two dollars.

She's like, sir.

That's funny.

Hypertoad wants you to play it.

I don't have the song Kung Fu Fighting.

I just don't have it.

I don't think I do.

You know that song, everybody?

It was Kung Fu Fighting.

Yeah, I know that fucking song.

I don't have it.

Some kid wants me to play it.

I'm saying I can't.

I just can't.

I can't.

Hang on.

I'm going to do a call to the UK.

We're going to call a fucking, what was it?

A taxi company.

What town?

It's in Bedford, England.

Oh.

There's some Pakis.

Pakistanis. They have crown vics, I guess, or crown cars, it says. I don't know what

a crown car is. I don't know what a crown car is. Are you in the IRC, or are you in

the Yahoo? Where are you at? I'm out back fucking toking a bong. All right. Well, I'm

sending you the info if you do get back. This is called the Taxi Company in Bedford, England,

everybody. Let us get ready for that, all right? Good. I'm glad you're ready. Let's

Let's do that.

Hang on.

I'm close.

Yes, hello.

I've been done by the Abbey for five minutes.

I wouldn't even leave me for a taxi.

She'll make their mate.

He's getting pissed.

Those packies.

Nuno says they're known for being very bad taxi people.

Of course.

I get it.

Bullshit.

Hang on.

I guess he's having a problem getting picked up,

and I was trying to see if I could help him out.

I'm a good Samaritan.

I'm a good Samaritan, sir.

Have you ever heard of us?

We travel around in caravans and we help the needy people who need help.

Now, this gentleman here is suffering,

and I am telling you that you're legally obligated to come send him a vehicle as soon as possible

under state regulations.

Sir, how long have you been waiting, did you say?

Have you been waiting to be picked up?

I've been waiting for about two hours.

He's been waiting about two hours.

Excuse me, sir.

This gentleman that you are with right now, he hasn't run this taxi firm.

He's run some other taxi firm.

I've worked here all night for the last 10 hours I've been here.

If he had rang me, I would have picked up the phone and answered to him, yeah?

Well, he should.

That's bullshit.

I never called you.

Why'd you say you never called me then?

He's trying to play a different character.

I don't know.

You took his side.

I never called you.

You're just trying to...

No, it's crazy.

I don't understand why he's calling me.

The kids are fucking...

Dude, it's so annoying to, like...

The only problem is with these fucking cards.

It's like, see, if it was in America, like, and I was there, dude, I did this the other day.

Drank his back, like, and then he supposed, like, I was on top, but it's funny.

He's been there for 10 hours.

He's probably a kind of pissed off.

You know he's really pissed.

He's really pissed.

I don't give a shit.

All right, let me call one.

We're going to call another.

We're going to call the McDonald's in Guam, all right?

All right.

All right, and then we'll call him back.

Don't forget to call him back, because I'll forget, so.

Yeah, dude, that's unnecessary.

That shit's hilarious.

All right, let's do it.

Yeah.

You remember Pizza Runners?

we got pizza runners here pizza runners yeah let's call that buddy call pizza i know it's

goddamn the runners i'll pray we're far away from the beach that was badass i was like

she's like a pizza it's a hot nut let's got that pizza

the bitch was like that was a dumbass prank let me get that taken care of all right

triple d's i say say that well yeah you know i'm saying i mean i'm just trying to call the

The locals, you know.

Worked for the royal officer, yeah.

At once, hand me over to the girl, the biggest triple D.

The biggest what?

Triple D, I say.

Are you mad?

Are you fucking idiot?

What are you, you little sand negro?

Well, fuck off.

Oh, fuck you.

Go bomb a building, you little bastard.

Sorry, man.

What was that guy?

I don't know.

Sorry for all the people on prank call radio.

Hello?

Listen.

Listen, from the Royal Family, Queen Mother's coming down.

See the back of your card.

Dial 6-4-1-1.

I'm ringing.

You always got that.

Get a piece out of her.

How do you deliver?

At the Stingray Hotel.

Yeah.

Over at the Stingray Hotel.

You want to come deliver to me?

Yeah.

Should I come up there?

Do I have to take a taxi or something?

I mean, what's wrong with you?

Um.

What's wrong with you?

Are you slow?

Uh, yeah, probably.

You're probably a little bit slow, are you?

Okay, that's okay.

You have $1.37.

Please enter your destination number.

Was that really?

Was that Pizza Runner or was that someone else?

No, he said Pizza.

I heard him say it.

Did he say it really?

Okay, I wasn't sure.

Pizza Runner.

What a fucking...

We just talked to an Australian retard.

Yeah, that's what they do.

They run pizza over there.

All right, let's go.

He was like, I don't know, come again?

All right, so we've got Thai food in Australia.

We've got a bunch of numbers for people and also for hotels in England.

I'll tell you what.

And we have Guam.

Let's call Australia.

You know why?

Because I'm going to test.

I'm going to try to talk like an Australian feminine gay man.

Okay.

There we go.

I've never yet attempted this.

That's a hard one.

Yeah.

It's like I can't even figure out how the hell to talk like one.

But I'm going to figure it out real quick.

Good.

All right.

So this is Yum Yum Thai Takeaway.

and they're in Australia, New South Wales.

Fighting the home of the fighting wallabies.

All right, let's do that here.

Just a moment, folks.

Don't go anywhere.

Where's my goddamn phone?

I hate those damn, that damn song.

I can't figure this accent out.

Let me try.

Hello?

Is this a car restaurant?

Can you hear me?

Listen, I'm just trying to figure out,

do you guys stick to the health codes over there?

I want to talk about that anymore.

My grandma has a rare disease because of your chicken.

Listen, I was trying to get my grandmother.

Your chickens are unclean.

That's what's going on.

I'm going to report you to the country agency.

It's ridiculous.

My grandmother's in a hospital.

Your chicken.

Chicken's no good.

Please.

They're in the hospital.

What are you talking about?

Where's your husband?

What do you want?

What a dark side.

I need my grandmother.

It's in a hospital.

She is sick.

She's injured.

She is not poison.

Poison from what?

Chicken.

Yeah? Where'd you get that from?

It's from chickens, bad chickens, from your place, your restaurant.

Yeah?

Okay, there. You understand now?

Yeah, when, when?

Last two days.

I got a hundred people come here for every day, have that never happen.

Exactly, exactly.

Come along, see me, any problem?

Listen, yeah, I'm telling you my problem.

My grandmother's in the hospital right now, and we're going to need someone to replace her.

When? When did you get the chicken?

Yesterday. Yesterday.

When? When?

I don't know. The sun was just going down, maybe about 5, 6, maybe. I'm not sure.

Look, if you want to blame me, I want to know everything that's true.

You just come along, talk to me, all right?

No, I'm calling the authorities. I'm calling the police.

Because a lot of people come here.

Yeah, a lot of police are going to come there, too.

I don't care if you've been following me.

Do you want the customers to see the police? They're coming down there right now.

I don't want, yeah, I don't want customers like you.

No, no.

I don't see it.

Police are coming right now.

You don't have time to call your lawyers. You better call your lawyers right now, honey.

I'm taking the police now. Right now.

Hey, give your phone number. Give your phone number.

You fucking idiot.

No, I'm calling the police on you. Don't you say that to me.

You fucking idiot.

That was good.

Everybody who's on Syndicate, restart your browser.

You'll be able to see me again in sound and vision.

Thanks, Reckless.

That was fun.

Let me do one here.

I'm going to call.

That was a Thai takeaway, right?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, let's do one here.

I'm going to call the Guam Marriott Resort, okay?

Marriott Resort.

Do it.

Give me a long time to dial 10.

I'm not all there.

Are you there?

Yeah, I'm here.

Let me start this one.

You'll jump in.

We're calling Guam Marriott Resort.

Is this the Guam Hotel?

Guam area.

Good. I just got off the plane.

I have sunglasses on, and I would like to see if I can secure two spaces,

one for myself and one for my little nephew.

His name is Richie, Richie Randall.

I don't know if you've heard of him.

He plays ping pong.

He's going to be coming along with me.

We need separate rooms because of the court order.

I'm not supposed to stay in the same room with him anymore.

And you don't have a reservation yet here?

No, but I would like to see if you had anything available, and I will make a reservation.

Now, Richie has some special needs that he's going to have to take care of first.

Okay, let me go ahead and transfer you to the room reservation, sir.

One moment, please.

Do you have any insulin there?

Insulin?

Yes.

Oh, no, sir, we don't.

Oh, could you maybe make an arrangement to have an insulin tank be brought in into the room?

Let me go ahead and transfer this call for a room reservation, sir.

Okay.

I'm going to get satellite.

Is that the same fucking person?

I'm going to get satellite navigation.

No, this is a different place.

Is that what you're asking?

Half a day to reservation.

This is speaking to help you.

Hi, is this the same person I was just talking to?

In regards to?

In regards to making reservations for myself and my nephew.

Oh, you're just...

Yeah, hi.

Hello.

That's Richie.

Yes.

Hi.

He needs insulin on a regular basis.

Now, do you folks have the ability to contact a durable medical supply company who can deliver a tank of insulin for him?

Medic insulin?

Yes.

Yes, or does it have any refrigerators that we can put the tank inside of insulin?

Oh, okay, we do have that, like the small refrigerator, sir.

Okay, now we need to take, is this one?

It's got Kool-Aid in them.

Yes, it has Kool-Aid, Richie.

Is any of these rooms, when you go inside, do they have chocolates and candies and sugar and stuff?

No, we don't.

In the rooms they don't have?

Put a chocolate on the pillow.

That one is going to be on the 18th today.

I don't want a peanut butter.

Oh, I love this. Do you have any children yourself there, Susie?

You don't have children? That's not necessary.

Okay, so you don't put the little bar where they put peanuts that are $5 and stuff like that inside of it?

Because this one here, he'll eat it all and then stick me with the bill, and I'm going to refuse to pay it.

They're like the small, it's going to be located in the lobby area.

You can choose, there's a lot of different candies in there.

Now, what I want to make sure.

Yeah, we can't reach you.

Do you have the practice where you put a chocolate on the bed when you get there at night?

You put a little mint chocolate on the bed pillow?

Bed pillow.

We don't have that.

I think there's going to be on the 18th and the 19th floor.

Yes.

You put like the small chocolate.

Yeah?

Yes.

I don't know what kind of chocolate is that.

It's okay.

It's got a chocolate.

I just want to make sure.

I just want to make sure that you don't leave it.

Don't leave it.

It's not going to be a chocolate.

It's like a certain chocolate that we put it in the...

It's a peanut butter bar.

I'm sure if you get it from the store, wherever you...

I need one of them.

Thanks.

So what I want to make sure is that we don't put the chocolate on the bed

because what happened, the last hotel we stayed in,

we asked for the peanut butter bar that he loved so much,

and he didn't realize

and he went to sleep on top of it

and then when I went to wake him up

there was melted chocolate and peanut butter

all over the bed

and it was in his pants and his underwears

and everything

and then you remember what I said Richie

I got mad at him and I said

did you shit the bed again

you little remember what I said

those things that I said Richie

you don't talk to me like I gotta go

yeah so

I went to hit him and then what happened was

was at the same time the butler came in with the breakfast and he saw me with a coat hanger on top

of him and then i had to explain it to everybody this was in hawaii right after the ceremony we had

oh we had a we had our ceremony in hawaii the civil union and i went in to go check on him

and i see it looks like he shit the bed again because he does it all the time he shits his

pain probably should be talking about this did your your pants again richie already yeah somebody

said you were a faggot you see what i uh by the way sir let me see are you looking for a room or

just asking for like the chocolate somebody said he was a police ma'am he's been molesting me

don't listen to him as long as we stay in separate rooms we're allowed to be

You're traveling together

He doesn't

He doesn't know

He doesn't

Yes

Two rooms

One for him

One for me

Because I can't stand

He'll probably poop his pants again

When he goes there

Call the police please

Just call the police

I'm going

I'm going insane here

Remember the plane

And then he went to the bathroom

And he made such a nasty shit

And then everyone

Went to the back of the plane

Yeah I seen you

Jacking off the trannies

Okay.

Filipino trans fucker.

So, ma'am, how much would it cost us to get the chocolates?

I don't know, sir, how much, you know, the chocolate or something,

because we don't put that in the room.

Anyway, we do have some shopping malls here, but I don't know.

Yeah, girls like that got BG.

What is your bra size, ma'am?

Girls like that got the BG.

Would you say you're a size B or a C or a D?

I think they're...

You're calling from Vietnam.

Don't tell those people in the back things that we're not saying.

Don't you dare.

Fucking people like goddamn dolphins.

Hello?

Yeah, what are you saying to someone back there?

What did you say about us?

Talking to the police in the background?

Because I saw your number in here.

Oh, you do?

I saw your number.

Wait a minute.

Call the police.

Call the police right now.

Call them.

You have 96 cents.

Enter your...

My number was blocked.

Just going to call from Guam, the police.

Ha-ha!

Like, yeah, who cares?

Fucking guam.

Go over there and, like, rape everybody, you know, he gives a shit.

Yeah.

No, you couldn't.

No, no, they'd get you.

They'd fucking kill you.

They'll roast you like a pig.

It's funny to say, though.

They'll put an apple in your mouth and roast you.

All right, let's fucking see.

Who knows what the fuck they do over there.

All right, you want to do a call to the Blackhawk Inn?

That's in Wales.

What the fuck?

In the Blackhawk Inn.

Oh, my God.

Wales.

Yeah, what the fuck are they doing?

Is it, like...

That's where the king's from.

Oh, yeah?

Here's Charlie

He's the

He's the Prince of Wales

Or something

Yeah

Fuck him

When I went in

We've seen it

Ooh

Half asleep

Some of those hotels

Like the Inn

When you see Inn

It's actually like a house

That has like a few rooms

And a bar

Yeah

And we'll call them

And they'll come up

And they'll be all mad

And we laugh

I don't fucking like that shit

You wanna do one more?

I call Guam or the UK

What's the other one?

UK I've got

Terrence Woodcock

Peter Webb

Julie King

Guam we've got

The Garden Villa Hotel

And Apartments

We got the

Crazy

Crazy. We'll call Terrence Woodcock in England.

Julie King.

Okay, she's in Flat 7 in the Filming House, Freeview Road.

Okay, pardon? Yes, who's calling?

That's what's going on here.

Where did you get my number from?

I'll call a phone, but...

They sit there and want to talk to you.

Yeah, they're probably like, oh.

They'll use a...

You know what I'm saying? The other one's over at the park.

Yeah.

But you know, all the ones that sit there, what do you mean?

I was going to ask you, man, you remember a few...

You probably don't remember.

A few months ago, you told me a specific brand,

a type of mixer that I could connect via USB

that you said was really good.

What kind was it?

Because I got some money.

I want to go ahead and buy it now.

What now?

Well, for my setup here,

you sent me a link to, like, a mixer,

like a mixer, like a board...

Yeah.

...to use for the show

that you could connect by USB to the computer, I think.

It had a bunch of inputs on it.

It was real cheap.

You said you had one around,

and you recommended it,

and you sent me a link to it,

and I'm trying to remember what it was

so I can pick it up this week, Chance.

Oh, um...

Yeah, I was going to send that to you.

Yeah, it's fucking, um, yeah, it's like a nice little smaller mixer.

It's fucking badass because they're cheaper than, you're going to have to get one used

so they don't make them, but.

Oh, damn.

It has a really, but they're inexpensive.

You can usually find them.

They're, um, they've got a, it's kind of dorky shit, but they got this power supply

that was, like, specifically for the unit.

Okay.

So, you have to find one with a power supply.

If not, like, I got one for, like, $20.

Okay, okay.

It was ridiculous, but then I had to go find, I had to go pay, like, $30, $40 for a power

supply for it.

Shit.

It's so clean sounding

Like it's really bad

Like you get that

Behringer shit dude

That shit just

Fucking

Just gnaws

The frequencies out

Right

But this

Sounds kind of

Metallic

Like weird

But you said

In fact

Real easy too

You said this was

Decent

And it's

Decently priced

And a decent quality

Oh yeah

It's great quality

Cool

And they make bigger

It's like a company

That makes like

The sound crap

Like the big ass

Fucking mixing board

And shit

Kind of like

The same company

Like so they actually

Like do good shit

That was

I don't know

I'm fucking

I smoke so much

I don't fucking know

What I'm talking about right now

Yeah shit no

But yeah we'll get it to you

We'll get you whatever you need

Out there

Just let me know what it is

So I'll buy it

I'll find it somehow

You know

Yeah we will do that

Alright cool

Alright man

Well enjoy your weekend

Thanks for calling in

Thanks for being on bro

Alright take care

Alright you too man

Be safe

Alright that was

Reckless everybody

We had fun didn't we

Did a few calls there

Having a good time

This is Madhouse

Radio

Video Carlito, Rick, we'll send it off.

Who else have we got here?

Milkman's in stereo mode.

We've got Big Tuck, Ted the Web,

Ted Web, Web, Web, Web, Web, checking in as well.

Yeah.

And Baz also here.

Got a few things that are going to be coming up here in the next few days,

in the next few weeks, rather.

Of course, we have a big special planned for October the 31st.

Not only is that Halloween,

That is also Milkman's birthday.

We're going to have to commemorate that time.

Is it real?

We're going to make sure we make a note of that.

Also, of course,

Try the money.

87 years old this birthday.

No live show next week,

but we will be playing that brand new Best Of episode,

encompassing episodes from back in 2005 and 2006,

as well as some newer stuff.

We'll play a little segment here and there.

We'll give you a little preview of it,

but it's all going to be completed by next week.

And you know what?

I did have one last little one that I wanted to play, I think, here.

Let's see.

Just to give you another taste.

They're not right.

Maybe that's not it.

It's your fault.

Because it's a game.

Oh, come on.

You know how it goes.

Look, look, look.

You go high.

Look.

This is from November 2005, by the way.

It was a long time ago.

Yes.

What was that?

No idea.

You go high.

I go low.

We meet in the middle, all right?

Family's going to come down there.

We're going to go.

You're going to set up a table for us back there.

Open bar.

That I can't do for you, Open Park.

Do you know who my uncle is?

My uncle plays golf.

No, I don't know who you are.

My uncle plays golf with John Brinker.

Okay, well, we're not...

There you are. You're Chili's, bitch.

We're Pacific Maritimes.

That shit, man.

We owe all of you.

No, we're Pacific Maritimes.

No, you don't.

You're going to be sorry tomorrow morning.

You're going to be cleaning toilets tomorrow morning.

Toilets.

Sounds good to me.

At the KFC.

You're going to be cleaning...

Sounds good to you, huh?

Do you know why it's a step-up?

Because you're a dishwasher.

I knew it.

Come on.

I'm really getting with the manager now.

You are dealing with a manager.

There's no manager named Juan.

There isn't.

Not in America.

Not in America with something like that fly.

Is this racist thing or something here now?

This isn't racist.

This is I want my service.

Not in America there's a manager named Juan.

Exactly.

I know Hawaii, not America.

Really, it's America, okay?

Wherever you are, this is America.

I'm lying.

What are you going to do?

Either you do this or I'm going to tell my uncle to come.

Oh, you're going to be fired.

You know what?

We may ship your job overseas.

You know?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, there's plenty of other Juans who'd love to do your job for half the price.

That's it.

You're not even going to apologize for what's happened.

So, more of that next week.

Next Thursday, Madhouse Radio.

Quick call here.

Crazy fucker from California.

How you doing tonight, sir?

How you doing there, my...

For a second.

You're my brother.

I got a 2009 Honda Civic.

And that bitch is pretty...

I'll tell you what.

Compared to my last car, it's got a smaller tank and less.

And it's getting...

Highway, I think, is 35.

Oh, that's good.

Well, City is like 21, though.

It's like a big jump between the two.

I'm not sure why.

Plus, you've got a little room in there where you can haul stuff around.

Yeah, well, I had a Honda Accord at first, which is a bigger version of the Civic.

But I just didn't need it anymore.

It doesn't need that much space.

It's smaller, wasteless gas.

It's new.

But I went for it.

I'll tell you that, man.

A Japanese, man.

I'll tell you that, man.

I have a Japanese car, a Subaru that only runs on three cylinders out of four.

But, man, I was on that.

Bucks, no less.

For dollars, man.

I had $50 from a guy who got a DUI.

Really?

He just tried to?

Yeah.

He's a logger.

I bought it from a logger and drove in that fucking thing up the floor.

Man, Japanese, I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what.

Somehow, America dropped the ball when it came to automobiles because of Japanese.

Well, the market shifted and the American companies failed to move along with it.

But, yeah, those Japanese cars, man, the Toyotas and the Hondas and the Nissans.

Subarus, Nissans, whatever, man, whatever.

If it's got a Japanese brand on it, it's a good car.

That's true.

Stuff, my last car was a Honda.

My parents and Athena's family all drive Toyotas.

Yeah, hey, shit, I used to drive American shit.

Man, I tell you what, I'm totally impressed now with the Japanese cars, man.

They're totally awesome.

Yeah, my first car was a Ford Escort, and it treated me wrong,

and I never went back to Ford or anything like that.

Never will, either.

My parents had a Chevy that was really bad when I was younger.

Yeah, hey, hey, anyway, man, you got a great show tonight, man.

man, I listen to it, and man, I'll tell you what, man, but you, you know what, man, hey,

man, just, man, I can just, are you depressed or sad or something, man, or are you, because

you seem really sad, like, sad tonight or something.

No, I was just trying to, you know, on purpose.

Are you married now?

Did you get married?

That sounds like it, no, not until May, I'm getting married in May.

Until May.

We got a little bit on the go, yeah.

We're on the move.

Okay.

Then I'll sound, every night I'll be like, oh, buddy, it's Crowley, you know.

It's just such a soul out of me.

Until May.

Hey, man, I was reading in the Wall Street Journal last week, man, I was reading about you and Zolar and Dr. Lego in the Wall Street Journal last week.

It says that one of you guys is going to, really, man, are you serious?

SiriusXM, yeah.

Right, and I was reading in the Wall Street Journal last week, either you or Dr. Lego or Zolar is going to replace Howard Stern.

I think Zola over me, because Zola lives in New York.

Plus, he's a fucking Jew. Him and Dr. Lego are Jews, right?

Yeah.

But that's what they said in that article on Wall Street.

But then again, the Puerto Rican ambassador, he came forth,

and he laid down a strong case for you taking over.

I'm looking forward to the opportunity.

But honestly, there is an audition.

What?

There's a three-minute audition that's, a contest that's come out for Howard 100, actually,

that, I don't know, maybe, I don't know if you, I thought you were talking about that

for a second.

No, I was talking about what I read in the Wall Street Journal last week, dude.

I read, like, 70 papers every morning when I get up out of, when I get up out of bed,

I read them in 15 different languages.

Like Barack Obama, I can't stand the newspaper, you know, I was offered a free copy of the

paper Tuesday, went to the gas station.

Wall Street Journal, that's just about a relic now.

Hey, you want to pre-copy me?

Don't have to worry about reading that much longer.

Let's hope.

Get a subscription.

Sunday's only 69 cents a month.

I told him, yeah, just...

Hey, well, I live, man.

Well, I live.

If you go to the gas station, you want to use the bathroom,

they send you out to the outhouse,

and they give you a fucking nickel-one-edged paper to wipe your butt on, you know?

A key and a brick so you can't run off with it.

They send you out to the outhouse.

Yeah, anyway, what I'm trying to say is I can't read the paper anymore.

war, just now that I get my news online, there's no need to read a paper.

Well, that's right, that's right, I agree with that, but fucking shit, they, you know,

I don't even, I just keep getting the papers, and they just fucking, I don't even want them,

but the last week in the Wall Street Journal, it said that, it talked about Syndica Radio,

and Sirius Radio, and XM Radio, and it says that either you, or Howard, or fucking your

Lego or Zolar.

Let me try to find the fucking paper.

Let me try to find that fucking paper.

Well, I'll read this while you do that.

It says that either one of you three guys

was going to replace Howard Stearns

on Sirius and XM

because Howard

Stearns is on.

Crazy fucker.

There's a contest.

It says here, the Howard Stearns show is looking for the next great radio show.

If you think you've got the chops impressed, the king of all media, send us your stuff.

You can win a one-hour special on Howard 101 and $5,000 courtesy of Klondike, makers of the unbelievably delicious ice cream bar.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Submissions will only be accepted on CD, no MP3s, flash drives, etc.,

and can be no longer than three minutes in length.

Submissions must also be sent in via first-class mail only.

Express, priority, registered, certified, and messenger mail are ineligible.

And, you know, it goes on and on, and I have until October 16th to have my submission postmarked.

So three minutes. I'm going to give it a shot.

You're goddamn right, dude. You know what an MP3 is.

is i don't even know what a fucking mp3 is man yeah as long as your computer can go and move

and you hear what you want that's all you got to worry about brother man shit man you know what

dude it fucking takes me half a fucking day to even fucking click on the syndica radio because

all the fucking uh my computer is nine years old man and i the one i'm using now i bought it for

dollars like down at the salvation army about six fucking months ago because i had a feeling that

that my $500 computer was going to bite the dust, and sure enough, it did.

Now I'm using a fucking $10 fucking comp that I bought at the Salvation Army for $9.95.

It had 10 minutes.

When I bought the RAM, I got 188 RAM.

And fucking shit, dude, it's telling you.

But I can still, man, I can't believe that you motherfuckers still let me even click on here, man.

That's crazy.

You see, I'm surprised you can actually listen to Syndicate on, uh, what kind of internet?

You're not using dial-up, I'm presuming, right?

Fuck no, dude.

I, you guys, back in 2006, man, I, I had, uh,

I think he started using WC1.

Florida, they, you know, the only thing bad about Tiger Direct is they got real bad, uh, rebates.

The people on Google didn't, uh, but they, dude,

I already replaced me a hundred fucks after my warranty expired, I had to replace them.

That sucks.

I had to call up China to get the fuck out of it.

When you get yourself some scratch again, if you want to get a good PC for around $500,

get yourself one of those EPCs.

They're E-E-E-PCs.

They're these small little laptops the size of, like, a large book.

I've heard of those things.

They're light.

They're $500, and you can get them loaded with either Linux or with Windows XP if you want.

Let me write this shit down.

Let me plug it.

Let me write this shit down.

They're long, long battery life, and they're really light.

They're really portable.

You'll like them.

I'm going to get the 1.8.

Oh, they're laptops.

They're laptops.

They'll go anywhere.

Got an 80-gig hard drive.

Well, the laptop will go anywhere you want to go.

There's a guy looking at it that way.

Okay, but it ain't got as big a monitor as a desktop.

No, these have really small dinky monitors, but they're reliable, and they're only 500 bucks,

and they only weigh like three pounds, man.

Wow.

Yeah.

What's that brand name again, dude?

It's E-E-E-P-C.

They call it the E-P-C.

E-P-C.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, three E's and a P-C.

E-E-E-P-C.

Well, man, hey, hey, hey, man, let me ask you one more thing, man.

Did that storm, that Hurricane Ike, that went over your neighborhood there, didn't it, a couple weeks ago?

No, we got Fay.

Oh, what's all these fucking names with all this shit, you know?

Ike, yeah, they make one English name, one Spanish name, one French name, and it goes in that order on the list.

Like I said, Ike there, it wiped out big parts of Texas, though, or something.

Yeah, Galveston Island got pretty hit bad, and Houston got hit pretty bad.

I think they're almost back to normal now.

They did say a few months for most of those.

All right, crazy fucker, I'm going to end the show.

It's getting late, man.

All right, dude.

Hey, good talking with you.

Hey, likewise.

Love, peace, and joy.

Remember, man, there's only three things that are real on this fucking planet,

as long as you believe it, and that's love, peace, and joy.

Amen.

Hey, man, keep that PC in good shape, all right?

It's a classic.

Oh, shit, dude.

Hey, for $49.95, dude, hey, I'll tell you what, man.

Man, syndicate, though, man, it takes up more, it eats up, you know, because it's like syndicate radio was made for you big time swinging cats, man, not us little fucking guys down here with a couple of tin cans and a piece of string trying to talk to each other.

All right, you have a nice day, man.

All right, brother.

Hey, God bless everybody with the boys, and I'm not hanging up.

I'm saying, saying.

Look at that beautiful moment there, crazy fucker, not just hanging up the phone and craziness.

And it's actually said a proper handshake goodbye.

I never thought I'd see it.

He's improving.

He was in a very upbeat today, crazy fucker, too.

Doing good, crazy fucker.

I was wondering, you know, the kind of market success we're having.

The market success.

So, hey, that reminds me.

Let's run through these articles real quick.

So what happened?

So Obama and McCain were due for a debate tomorrow,

and McCain canceled out because he said he needs to put the campaign on hold

in order to focus on the economy.

Right.

Pussy down.

He wasn't ready.

The guy was running his campaign for him.

That's bullshit.

No, no, was heavily involved with this whole market scandal, man.

The whole thing.

The guy, Michael Lee, I think is the guy.

He was behind a lot of the goings-on at Walt.

So him or any associated with the campaign, economic,

plus the woman that they're trying to hide from everybody

isn't ready to go on air either.

She's sitting there saying that if it was a standard somebody,

that we would just go to war.

There's a lot of things they're trying to tuck away.

What I really think is going to happen, what I've been saying,

is that you're going to see McCain gain some ground

after he picked sarah palin uh gained a few points just about even it up you now look and

you now look at the polls i go by the cnn poll of polls and right now you've got another mccain

and mccain is once again dropping behind obama's extending that lead almost back to double digits

it's getting it's going to be getting there soon i'm feeling it and i know i've been saying i've

kept telling everybody look the minute obama and and and mccain as much as i respect mccain

and especially the old McCain from 2000-2004.

Not this new McCain has been brainwashed,

but as much as I respect McCain,

Senator Obama is going to wipe the floor with him

when it comes to the debates,

and that's where you're going to see the big gap.

Exactly.

And you're going to see the big landslide

that's supposed to be coming.

And also just hands on the whole issue with the securities.

And that, too.

He's looking bad, Milkman.

He's a part of that.

The whole thing that McCain was against for the whole time

with this whole federal deregulation thing

which is one thing that Bush has done for the last

ten years and that's exactly

why we're in this situation

the Federal Reserve loaned out three times

a dollar for every dollar

of available capital there was

that we have is three times

what we could ever pay

because of the deregulation

I think that McCain knew that

the way things are right now

it's best for him not to get debate Obama

because Obama is really going to stick it to him

and he's going to be bad

so i think he he decided to stay away from that really and i don't think that's i think that's

a dirty pool mr mccain because mr mccain senator mccain himself was kept saying oh well obama

should agree to do town hall you know uh debates with me live and do more debates than the required

amount that we're doing now he kept saying that and saying that you know a few months ago now

here comes time to do one of the first ones and now he's like oh big old pussy yeah and and then

He didn't realize that everybody was going to be so against his campaign

and what he stood for with Bush.

A lot of bloggers are saying now that the problem is

you made me lose track, Milkman.

Thank you for doing that.

What was I going to say?

What are the bloggers saying?

Why?

Why would you do that, Milkman?

Why would you insist on finishing what?

If you don't like the smell of it when I smoke cigars,

maybe you should just go to sleep at night.

On Thursdays.

Would that be okay?

Understandable?

I'm ending the show.

Is that all right, darling?

Sweetheart?

Bye.

She's so rude sometimes.

She just comes in here.

What were the bloggers saying?

God damn it.

Man, Milkman, you really ticked me off there, you know?

Let me think here.

What was I talking about?

McCain, Obama, Senator Dan Rodgers.

He's saying he's going to mop the floor up with him if it goes to a debate.

Because, oh, he's stuck with all the time, oh, we're going to have a debate, we should do more.

And now when it comes down to it, he cancels out.

Yeah, well, anyway.

Anyway, regardless, when it finally does happen, it's going to be great.

It's going to be great to see the debates,

and I think we're going to see the final resolution of this whole thing.

Milkman, quickly here, please lead us out of here.

If you don't mind, it's late, sir.

All right, no problem, man.

Well, I'll tell you what, it's been a very enjoyable time, once again,

meeting up with all our good old friends out there.

Thanks a lot, everybody, for tuning in.

All of you over there at Seneca Radio, thank you so much for tuning in,

And we appreciate all your enjoyment

And we hope that you laugh as hard as we did

Because we're damn sure

We love all you guys over there

And all of us over there

In the mouth

We love you too

Thank you so much for tuning in

We had a couple guest listeners

Also, we tried to call in

Yayhorn, Ellie, all of our friends

Thank you for calling in

Mr. Reklu, Saigon, welcome back

California Czar, R.E.O.K.

Hey guys, thanks a lot for joining us

Oh my god, there's

Also, I'd like to thank

An old friend, Mr. Ted

Web, web, web

Man has been missing in action, but he's back once again

Looking forward to hearing from him soon

Mr. Ted is going to have to join us in calls

Again, I've got a request for you when you get some time

Also

For you out there, I want to thank

That's right, you, the listener

Our buddies, our friends, that's right

Invite a friend, man, better yet

Invite an enemy, send their number in

And we will get them so the man

Madhouse style.

You know why?

Because it's all about you.

It's for an interactive show that you can get right here on the internet.

All you have to do is just give us some of your time, and we've got the time right here

in the Madhouse.

Oh, yes.

And by the way, the numbers headman, the uber king of numbers.

Thank you, Mr. Cousins, and God bless you.

Also, our fearless leader, what would we do without you?

Ed Monito, the journey to see more of the Madhouse.

Thank you so much.

Yay.

For having us on again.

Thank you, Mr. Tuck.

Yeah, I don't know how recent this news is.

I didn't hear about this one until now,

but apparently J.P. Morgan has decided to buy out Washington Mutual,

the largest U.S. bank dealer in history.

Yeah, Walmart just fell.

Did that just get, was that just about an hour ago it got updated?

A part of the tax got bought out by that one baby.

Is that really new?

I didn't hear about that all day today,

and the dad just pointed that out to me,

and I'm seeing an article that got updated just about an hour ago.

Walmart becomes...

Yeah, the news just came out.

WAMU, is it WAMU or WAMU?

I say WAMU because it's mutual.

Becomes the 13th bank to fail so far this year

and earns the title of the nation's biggest bank failure by assets on record

ahead of Continental Illinois,

which hit about $40 billion in assets when it failed in May of 1984.

Dude, if it's not obvious now, and the way things are working now,

it's so obvious we're heading into depression, I really think so.

I hate to say that, but I really don't see how we're not, you know.

We've got this weird, this ragtag, spitballed, put-together bailout plan

that's got like a deadline of tomorrow.

Reading here, no deal.

Bailout tax.

$70 billion.

Where are...

Is the government going to invent $70 billion?

$700 billion.

That's exactly what it sounds like.

That's right, $700 billion.

Whatever it is.

$700 billion that doesn't exist.

And they just start printing money.

We don't have the money.

We haven't had the money.

The credit that they've offered

is three times the amount of money

that we could use as a customer.

You can't just print money.

this is not the answer

these are the answers that Herbert Hoover had

before the depression started

this is what's going to happen

that's not counterfeiting

it's called inflation

negotiations over the proposed financial bailout

fucking idiots

unraveled Thursday as lawmakers

bickered over competing counter proposals

to the Bush administration's

700 billion dollar

rescuing plan

a White House meeting was meant to speed approval

They still want to give all these CEOs all that money that they elected to give them for millions of dollars.

Deep divisions between Democrats and Republicans, apparently, regarding this bailout deal for tomorrow.

I guess it's supposed to be done or something.

I don't know.

I don't even want to deal with it.

I just want to go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow and eat some...

Can I wake up Saturday and eat pizza still for the Depression?

Is that possible?

Will there be no cheese left?

That's all.

I know Artie's worried about...

No, but cheese, it's how it will be.

There may be no cheese.

What about Artie?

Hey, Artie, I see you're on the phone there, sir.

I've invited Evil Artie several times to go to the Olive Garden here.

I'll be there.

Be sure you buy a t-shirt, 100% cotton, because that's my cotton crop.

And be sure to support the cotton and buy yourself a 100% cotton t-shirt.

Artie says he wants to be on the show, make an appearance on the show.

And I keep telling him he needs to meet me in person first in public.

So the invitation is out on Saturday, sir.

I will take you out for all-you-can-eat pasta if you make contact with me by tomorrow.

So that's for Artie.

Everyone get his attention.

He's not paying attention right now.

But I am inviting him to all-you-can-eat pasta,

and we'll take pictures together and make an appearance somewhere here in Orlando.

He's ordering a pizza right now.

He probably is ordering a pizza.

He's afraid of his lips.

That's a long, yeah.

Yeah, he wants a thin crust pizza.

pizza, yeah, extra pepperoni, double cheese, mushrooms, oh, yeah, red peppers.

All right.

Sounds good.

You're making me hungry.

Sausage, ham, onions, green olives, black olives.

Joker says bacon.

Stop.

Yeah, he's also asking for anchovies.

Pretty good pizza.

Okay, guys, seriously, let's get out of here.

Pineapple, that's nasty.

All right, folks, we'll catch you next week.

Big thanks to Lonesome Loser, anyone who was involved tonight.

Big show.

Holy crap.

Are you kidding me?

Regarding this Washington Mutual thing,

the company's new chief executive, Alan H. Fishman,

was in midair flying from New York to Seattle

when the deal was finally brokered.

According to people briefed on the situation,

Mr. Fishman, who has been on the job only for less than three weeks,

is eligible for $11.6 million in cash severance

and will get to keep his $7.5 million signing bonus.

So he basically got whatever he got in salary plus $19 million for three weeks of work.

Wow, that is sick, dude.

There is something.

Good for you.

You add that up times all the bank officers out there.

That's how you get $700 billion.

That's bullshit.

You know what, dude?

It's getting closer to the time, I think, that the great band Rage Against the Machine has called for since the mid-'90s,

when the people will finally become tired of this

and we're going to become upset

and we're going to go down to the major metropolis cities of this country

and go into those huge buildings and financial offices

and drag these wealthy people out by their hair into the streets

and take care of them like they would have taken care of them

in the communist countries in the 80s.

That is all I have to say.

You can call me un-American if you want.

But I think we're getting to the time when we take out all these corporate people and we take them out.

We just take them out.

Uprise, uprise up, whatever it is you say.

I think these people think that, you know, they're very sick.

Very sick people that are running the 1% of the population that controls, what, 90% of the resources.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking penis shits!

Calls (18, 1 h 21 min of 2 h 19 min)

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