2008-10-30 Show

We'll be right back.

Fingers you have used to dial are too fat.

To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.

Who the fuck is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

You are the fucker.

Should have gone to Halloween Horror Nights.

Hey, everybody, what's going on?

Madhouse Radio is back on the air.

We're sorry we're late.

We had troubles.

Machine troubles tonight here, everybody.

Thank you for listening or watching, whatever it is you're doing.

I am Carl Leder, your host tonight.

Tonight, of course, here as always with me is the venerable, honorable Milkman.

What is up, Milkman?

I'm talking about man.

You know what time it almost is?

It's time for the dime.

Crazy in the madhouse.

Yes, sir.

We're going to be dropping dimes here on Madhouse Radio, as you always like to say.

We're looking forward to that.

Of course, big evil arties in the house.

What's up, man?

How you doing?

What's up?

Good to see you, man.

Having a good week, sir?

Yeah, hell yeah.

I always have a good time.

Awesome.

And then, of course, Tuck is representing here from the comic book land of Tennessee.

What's up, man?

All right, Tuck.

That's Tuck, everybody.

What happened?

Did Tuck get muted?

Yeah, Tuck got mutified.

Tuck, you may speak now.

I give you permission, sir.

There you go.

Am I coming in clear?

Yes, you are.

I don't know.

Am I coming in clear?

You're coming in.

One, two, three.

We hear you.

All right.

Yeah, we hear you.

All righty.

Well, welcome back, everybody.

I understand there's some technical difficulties over at NowLive.

Not Syndicate's fault, NowLive's fault.

The video audio quality's bad, I understand.

That's not NowLive.

That's what he's trying to say.

Exactly.

I see.

Not as live as we would like it to be.

No, sir.

You're getting a name to stick with, I reckon.

Yes, we've got a lot of stuff going on tonight.

We've got some exciting news for Evil already joining the fray.

Does Arty have two cams up right now?

What is going on with that?

Oh, hang on.

Did you have two cams up already?

Yeah, he's got two cams up.

How'd that happen?

Let me try to kick one of those off.

How do you do that?

I didn't think you could fucking do that.

I've never seen that before in my life.

That's the most scariest thing I've ever seen.

Fuck it.

I removed you from one.

I don't think I can remove you.

You're a moderator.

No, I'm not.

All right, well, that's good if you're not.

Anyway, everybody out there, if you want to listen, if you want to call us tonight, you can.

Milkman, what is that number where the people will call us tonight at?

Please give it out now if you can.

Man, I'll tell you what.

We've got time to give us the time.

You dial up.

880-9-0-9-0.

That's right.

888-278-8509 is a live toll-free line to call in the show tonight.

You can do so at any time.

Please do that, folks.

Tuck, of course, is over at Matt.

No, he's not.

I'm on madhouselive.com.

That's my website.

Tuck's over at Tuckermike.com.

Tuck, what's been going on?

I got your new Halloween picture with a witch with underwear, flashing her underwear.

What's that about?

Well, no, it's just an upward angle.

What are you talking about?

I think it's sexual in nature.

It looks like she's wearing the pens, a witch wearing the pens.

I have no idea what you're referring to.

It's a safe little picture about a nice little witch on Halloween.

I don't get what you're saying.

All right.

Well, everyone, is that over at your website there, tuckermike.com?

Can they see that now?

Is that posted?

Uh-huh.

Yep.

All right.

They can go to hit the blog there and go to the link to the blog on the main website

page there, and you'll go to the blog, and it's right on the first page there.

Cool.

Top.

Awesome.

Well, Artie's here.

Artie's here.

Artie, do you have anything to plug?

My butt.

All right, everyone, he will be plugging his butt tonight.

I want to mention real quick, Halloween, of course, setting in,

and not only does that mean it's time for candy already.

I know you're excited about that.

I was going to be dressing up as a fat Iron Man.

I can't talk about stuff like that.

I'm guilty myself.

But I, of course, want to say that none other than our good friend the Milkman

enjoying a happy 52nd birthday at midnight tonight, October 31st,

Halloween baby, Milkman.

87 years old.

All right.

Young man.

All right.

I'm 87 years old.

Seriously, though, Milkman, it's your birthday tomorrow, right?

10-31, that's your birthday, right?

Am I right?

Did I remember that right?

Right.

You thought I forgot, didn't you, you homo?

10-31 at 10-31.

That's right.

There you go.

10-31 at 10-31.

Milkman will be 1031 years old, so we're excited about that.

I'll see Baz is also checking in now.

All right, so everybody, Artie's going to make an announcement.

Artie, so what happened earlier today?

Milkman, if you can cut the music, please.

I don't know what happened.

Artie, you were given possession of something today that you've never done before, right?

I have received some 420 from a friend today.

And you've never, ever smoked before?

I have not.

Wow.

Really?

Yeah.

The roommate gave me some.

And you already got the monkey.

Artie got his first 420.

For those of you who don't know, it's just...

Hey, son, you're a man.

Google, there's a good website out there that has a lot of information on it.

That's over at google.com.

I myself do not partake in this stuff any longer, but you never have been high before?

Never smoked?

I have not.

Never any contact?

Never eaten brownies?

No.

Nothing at all?

Clean.

You've had alcohol?

You've been drunk before, though, right?

Several times, actually.

Have you ever done anything like acid or anything like that crazy?

No.

Don't stay away from that stuff.

You don't want to do that.

I just do coke every once in a while.

All right, so you're going to be smoking here for the first time, right?

Yeah.

All right, so we need to make sure, first of all.

Have you ever lit incense up?

hey you're real it listen in your asshole no incense nothing i've um um while you were

pre-coming farts i've lit farts dude i you know what dude my i had an ex-girlfriend who used to

do that for me i would lay on my stomach right on the on the floor and she would take a lighter

and light it right on my ass with my jeans on i never did my jeans off because i thought it would

burn my ass but then i would fart and i could never see it because it was behind me but she

She said they made a blue flame that covered my whole ass.

She said it was the coolest thing.

She used to love doing it.

And I did it for my dad and everything.

And I tried to get Athena to do it.

And she said she's tried and she can't.

She doesn't.

I don't think she knows how.

Or maybe I lost the ability to do it.

Bean aroma.

Yeah.

No, it didn't smell like anything.

It smelled like a propane grill, to be honest with you.

If I remember right.

That's exactly what it smelled like.

Yeah, it smelled like a propane gas grill.

That's basically what it is.

Yeah, basically.

Methane coming out of the ass.

but she said it made this really like it it looked like a blue plasma over my ass she said it was

the coolest thing so yeah blitz case saying something you know blitz a lot of people milkman

used to smoke a lot i used to back in the day um i'm enjoying my sobriety oh yeah um is it true

what they say that you don't get high the first time that you partake master is it true i know

the first no i didn't actually notice it i didn't notice it either told the symptoms man but i don't

think i was doing it right it was dry time was not going right and then all of a sudden oh wait

i guess i did do that so then you finally figured it out i got really hungry all right uh see so

already what do you got here what did we get you we got we got your taco bell right i got some taco

bell and we forgot to get the doritos i experienced it straight away all right so i've only got two

tacos left all right so all you fans of evil already all you fans of syndicate radio who've

ever wondered how the craziness could get even crazier or just hungrier uh that would be when

When are we going to do this?

How about now?

All right.

Well, I'm kind of not ready for that now.

In a little bit, we'll do that.

And we're not going to do it on cam.

I'm not going to be doing it.

You're going to be doing it.

I'm done with that.

You're going to have to be off cam, though, all right?

And we've got to make sure that Athena does not know.

Right.

You have to be off cam.

There's some laws about that.

Yeah.

There we go.

And open the window.

Actually, hang on.

Hang on.

We've got to make sure.

You've got to make sure already real quick before we do it.

We've got to make sure that Athena's asleep.

Go on the porch.

No.

No, I don't want to.

No, that's obvious.

It's cold out here.

We got to make sure that she's asleep and that we got to buy some incense and stuff because I don't want to get in trouble because she's going to be blaming me that I'm bringing it.

I don't want to have anything to do with that.

So what do you look at?

What are you expecting to happen already?

Or from what are you most excited about?

The munchies, the munchies.

What about the cotton mouth?

You know, what else happens, guys?

What can we want?

You got the cotton mouth.

You get thirsty.

You get the munchies.

Your eyes get red.

Eyes get red.

Your light looks different.

paranoid what else you got dr pepper too huh you made the switch all right good for you man

then after a while you're sleepy then you just get sleepy all right guys we just want to curl

up so that we got that to look forward to here i'll fall asleep in bed with athena

no you won't she'll probably think you're me

give him in the mood

play him a lot of reggae

until I stick it in

and it's more than

three inches long

give him in the right mood

play him a lot of reggae

I've got the old

420 music

from the 420 show

that we did once

yeah I got all that

here queued up

yeah

alright

well we can do that

alright so everybody

we got a lot of numbers

coming in

Milkman start that music

up again if you could

please

alright

we're gonna have fun

with our detour

alright

a lot of numbers

coming in from the man

The man himself, Lonesome Loser.

We've got a lot to call here.

The man, the myth, the legend, the dark hit man of prank calls.

We've got Bunny's Bar, Chubb's Bar, Pablo Bar, the Greasy Spoon Cafe, Cafe 50s.

Cafe 50s.

Cafe 80s.

That's from Back to the Future 2.

I know that.

Cafe 80s, remember that?

Wow.

The cafe in Back to the Future 2.

Whatever happened, what happened that it got, why have I not gotten my damn hoverboard yet?

You had to strap like five hoverboards to my feet to get me to move around.

What year was that supposed to take place?

What year is that supposed to take place?

I don't know.

Okay, what's the difference?

It was 1955 when they went back.

It was 1985, so it was 30 years, so 2015.

So we've got seven more years left, apparently.

You've got seven more years for the hoverboard.

Yeah, and where's the automatic drying clothes?

Do the hoverboard with the segway.

Hopefully the Obama era will get us hoverboards.

Hopefully, that should be a problem.

I think we're going to include that in next year's model starting in 2009.

Obama will bring a summer board.

Would you vote?

Artie said he's not going to vote.

He said you don't want to vote because you have to travel 30 minutes to go to where you have to vote.

You could have done an absentee ballot.

You can vote on the weekend.

I'm lazy.

You can vote until 7 p.m.

I'm lazy, though.

I'll give you a right to vote.

vote. So who would you vote for

if you were going to vote? You don't even know?

Mickey Mouse. You're one of those people that

go, oh, I'm funny, I'll write in

Mickey Mouse.

I have a friend who writes in Bill Cosby every year.

Every time there's an election, the governor or something,

he goes, and he just writes in

Bill Cosby or Mickey Mouse. I wonder how many people

do that. Every year they release it

in Florida, they say, oh, well, you know, in Orlando

30 people voted this year for Mickey Mouse

for president. You'll hear it the day after the election.

They always have the number. They always make a big

big deal about it what up zolar big zolar you're in atlanta disneyland yeah it's a it's a funny

yeah it's a big zolar from the zolar party nation here in the house of course zolar

will be on tomorrow live at 9 p.m eastern standard time 9 p.m eastern looking forward

to hearing big zolar and a big zolar party yeah he got so mad last night he got so angry on the

air last week guys he choked the cock off of himself just about he got so mad he punched

He punched himself right in the balls.

What happened?

And he started strangling his cock.

I don't know what happened.

You remember that, Art?

That was crazy.

Oh, I don't remember.

You guys all missed that.

He got really violent and he sort of, he punched himself in the balls and started choking his

balls off.

Yeah.

He grabbed him really hard.

It was like, you motherfucker!

Like that.

Over what, though?

He got frustrated over something.

I don't know what it was.

Someone know?

Someone tell me.

Why was he choking his balls off?

That's painful.

I got a question for you.

I remember the time he choked his balls on the cam that time.

You showed that to Tom Green, remember that?

He Skyped into Tom Green on Skype video.

Yeah, exactly.

On a Tom Green show.

Does he do that show still?

Is Tom Green still doing a radio show or an internet podcast or whatever?

I think so, yeah.

He doesn't do it live anymore, though.

He never answers his damn line anyway.

He's lame.

He's a traveling guy now or something, right?

Yo, Carlito, I got a question.

Are we ordering Chinese?

No, that's my handy Chinese restaurant menu right there.

Yeah, well, I think we need some shrimp, lo mein, and...

You've got tons of Taco Bell food.

No, there's only two left.

That was ten bucks worth of Taco Bell food.

Oh, my God, let's say he's getting the munchies.

I went...

He hasn't even touched anything yet.

He's going to eat his arm.

We haven't even talked up yet.

He's going to eat my chair.

You've got the anticipation munchies.

Goddammit.

All right, well, we've got a lot of numbers to call here.

Good times.

It's here still.

Barney's Restaurant, Sarge's Place, Sloppy Joe's Bar and Grill, Sparta's Pizza.

this is sparta and of course mario's pizza what's my phone what phone oh where is your phone here it

is all right there you go try not to interrupt any prank calls this time sir okay but you can

do if you want to do a prank call or if you want permission to you give us a high sign you go

like that and then we'll let you know if it's okay you got it all right everybody so let's do

a prank call and we'll come back to arty's alone now let's open up things up here with the very

first number we have bunny's bar bunny's bar bunny's bar is located in richland center i

I don't like cities that have center in their name.

I think that's very centralist.

Richard Center, Wisconsin.

Let's do that.

Let's play a song while we do that.

Bunnies.

Hello, this is Bunnies.

Hello.

This is the Bunny Place.

Good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

How many times a night are you allowed to come up to the bar

before you're expected to leave a larger tip than the standard one?

Huh?

How many times are you allowed to come up to the bar

before you're expected to leave a larger tip than the standard one?

I'm the bar owner.

or I don't ever expect it.

Well, here's what happens, okay?

I go in there.

All I know is that I go in every time that I go up.

I'm not going to leave a tip every drink that I get.

You understand?

No, people don't every time.

Well, it seems that whoever there gave me the drinks was expecting that

because they gave me a bad look, and I think they put salt in my beer.

They put salt in your beer?

I think so.

Maybe it was urine.

No, don't be stupid.

How many times am I supposed to tip you?

After every time, are you going to accuse me of being a cheap because I'm an ethnic person?

Like I told you, I don't expect a tip because I'm the bar owner.

Well, what about the other people that are there that work behind the bar?

They don't expect any more than I do.

I mean, we give our best no matter who you are or what you are.

How much do you pay them an hour?

That ain't none of your business.

Yes, it is.

You're supposed to have it on your books.

It ain't none of your business.

Your books are public record.

If I call in and make an investment, you're supposed to give me the information or it's against the law.

Do you know what the SEC is?

Yeah, and if the state of Wisconsin calls me and wants to look at my book, they're allowed.

Well, I'm allowed to call in and ask immediately upon demand.

No, you're not.

I'm with the SEC.

My business is mine.

I'm with the SEC.

Mm-hmm.

I'm with the SEC, the Southeastern Conference.

Do you pay my taxes?

Yes, I do as a matter of fact.

Do you pay my house payment?

No, you pay my salary, actually, and as well as the rest of the taxes.

Yeah, if you're working for the government, yeah.

The taxpayers, ma'am, you keep interrupting me.

I'm going to take some points off of your score.

The taxpayers of Wisconsin are paying me to make this phone call, as a matter of fact.

So I think you owe it to them.

You didn't even introduce yourself, so how do I know you are who you are?

It's a surprise phone call.

We don't have to announce it every time.

If we did that, then you'd be like, oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I pay my bartenders $10.50 an hour.

I give them free medical benefits and everything.

I bet you you probably lied.

That's what we had.

We had people like you, and that Asian sushi place was lying, too, and we shut them down.

They were butchering a deer inside the place.

So tell me, go get the books now.

Come on.

Snap, snap, snap.

Come on, woman.

No, not going to happen.

Let's play the high and low game.

Do you pay them more than $8 an hour?

None of your business.

If you don't tell me, I'm going to report you to Tom Ridge, if you don't tell me.

How much do you folks, what was your return on investment last month?

It absolutely is, ma'am.

You're supposed to provide me with all this information as soon as I have it.

I have it all in the files.

If you want to go through the files, have at it.

Well, let's get the files.

Where's the safe?

Where's what?

Where do you keep the files at?

Is it in your filing cabinet or your safe?

Oh, no, I'm not that secretive.

No, they just sit up on a shelf.

Okay, so I'm going to...

All seven years.

I'm going to come in, and I would like about two beers.

Do you have any fried foods there?

Depends on what time.

Well, right now, I'm coming in now.

I need you to dust off those books,

and we're going to check the salary rates

and make sure that they're appropriate for who's working there.

How do you know I employ anybody?

Because I have a report that you're paying somebody under the table.

No, I don't pay anybody.

You're not paying anybody?

My daughter works for me.

You're paying her under the table?

No, my daughter lives in my house, free of charge.

Is she paying taxes?

Are you paying taxes on her salary?

Oh, you see?

You see now?

I caught you in a lie.

No, I don't have to do that because this is, yeah, I pay my taxes.

Hey, the last time I heard, I thought everyone who has the job has to pay taxes.

Everyone who makes money pays taxes.

Right.

You Democrats.

You Democrats, lady.

Oh, are you trying to tell me you're a Republican?

Republican?

Well, you know...

You never did identify yourself.

I want a badge number.

I'm Jack Valente with the SEC.

I don't have a badge number.

I have an extension number.

Would you like that?

Do you have a fine number?

An ex...

A fine number?

A what?

Yeah.

What?

Are you having your own conversation over there,

or are you just pretending not to understand me?

I think this woman is senile.

You think I'm what?

All right, ma'am.

I think I've made the determination

that I am going to recommend for your establishment

to go ahead and close shop tonight.

So, if you could...

No, I'm not closing shop tonight.

You are, and actually, provided you have enough time,

I just want you to put all the tables on top of the chairs, if you could, please.

No, I'm not.

You are.

I'll be there soon, and you need to make sure that you get all the paperwork with you,

and you're going to be bringing that in tomorrow to the SEC headquarters.

Do you know where we're located?

We're on Pine Street.

I'm not bringing nothing.

You want to see it, you just show up.

Well, you failed to work with me, ma'am, so I'm going to have to play hardball with you now, I'm afraid.

Okay.

We can make this go away if you just tell me how much you pay your daughter.

Just be honest.

Tell the truth.

Be honest.

I don't.

You don't pay.

I don't pay her anything.

I make her house payment.

I pay her light bill.

I pay her sewer bill.

Yes or no.

Your daughter works there.

My daughter is allowed to work for me for living in my house.

Yes or no.

She works there.

I already checked into it.

I already called the state of Wisconsin.

Made all good.

What's the yes or no answer?

Is it yes or no?

There's only one word that you answer this type of question.

I want to know your name.

I want your name.

Jack Valente with the Southeastern Conference, SEC.

With the Southeastern Conference?

Right.

Okay, what's your number?

It is 407-459-4534.

So answer my question.

4534?

Yes or no.

It's an 800 number.

I'm sorry, what?

It's an 800 number.

888-

Okay.

278-8509

So yes or no

Now that we have

V-A-L-E-N-T-E

Wait a minute

Whoa I got a jukebox playing here

I don't hear any music in the background

Can you please turn off that jukebox

That's because I just stepped in the back room

I just pulled your music license away

How about that

Your balance is low

To add minutes using a credit card

Press 1

Otherwise press 2 for the main menu

your balance is low

to add minutes

ran out of minutes

either that or she hung up

I think

I only started with

eight minutes

or low

I think she hung up

but I don't think

she can hear that

your balance is low

you gotta order more minutes

you gotta order more

sorry I got your mic on now sir

MeeboGuest237077 asks

where is Thursday's live show at?

I don't know

where is it?

is it now?

this one here?

the one that's live now?

It's in Orlando.

Yeah, that's where we are.

Baz is on the line also.

Can I tell you how about how some dudes got my...

Okay, Baz, tell us this story.

Some dudes at your high school got the physics teacher high with hash brownies.

Yeah, they brought in some brownies.

We had this Chinese physics teacher.

He was really straight-laced.

They brought in some brownies and gave them to him.

He started getting really goofy about halfway through the class

and laughing and telling us

like he's never going to give us a test again.

And then right at the end of class,

he asked for some more.

Did he know what was going on?

He had no idea.

Yeah, no, but he actually asked for more brownies.

That's kind of cool.

It was pretty funny.

Yeah, when I was in high school,

some people would ask in one of the teachers

a bottle of water or a cup of water

and she actually drank it.

But apparently the students started laughing

and she's like, what's so funny?

What did you do to the water?

And someone said, they put acid in your water.

her and she went to the hospital she only got like a small dose yeah i think she got maybe a

little lucid but not really but the kids got like expelled and arrested and stuff like that it was

two kids that did it oh yeah and i remember my my uh my senior year even better one back in school

man uh what was yours uh milkman if you don't mind telling us we took the exelac tablet not the

chocolates and put it in the coffee like put about three or four in there because these teachers had

had their own private bathroom right next to their little lounge no one was allowed to use it right

right after about half hour an hour they just kept coming out going to the bathroom

that's very nice of you to do you know what i did to my dad once i got this idea from maxim

magazine we had you know how on the uh on the sink you've got the the black hose attachment

you know you got the hose attachment well the one in my parents house is black it's got the

black handle you pull it out and you can spray stuff down you know with a little hose little

little water hook kind of hose thing and i took a like i took black electrical tape at night i got

up like at one o'clock in the morning and i taped the handle down like in the on position i taped

it really tight on it and every morning the first thing he used to do the first thing he did every

morning he will wake up half asleep all grumbling and the first thing he does like i do like athena

does when she wakes up whoever's first to wake up in my house i'm sure all across our listening

sitting audience the first thing that happens in the house is someone goes to the to the coffee

machine they get the coffee pot they go over to the sink they turn on the water they fill it up

you know a lot of people don't don't wake up until they drink their coffee and he's puerto

rican of course puerto rican family love our coffee so of course the first thing he does he

gets up in the morning grabs the coffee pot puts it in the sink turns on the water and gets sprayed

in his chest with like ice cold water it was like in the middle of winter so the water was

was coming out like frigid you know and all i heard was like five o'clock in the morning

and i forgot that i'd done it and i hear and i hear him drop the coffee pot that you know the

the glass crook coffee pot on the floor and the tile floor of the kitchen and it shatters in a

thousand pieces and he got really pissed off so there's water and glass and he's barefoot

so he's stepping in glass and i got i got in trouble for that man i think that's the reason

why i didn't get a car until my senior year of high school i think that was the reason right

there was for doing that it was worth it i laughed and laughed and then this other time i i pants my

dad you know when you pull someone's pants down as a joke he was uh my mom was sick and she was

laying on the couch and my dad was serving her chicken noodle soup he had this big pot both one

hand was holding a one hand was holding a bowl and it was ladling chicken soup in front of my mom

who was laying on the couch my dad had like shorts on so i went up to him and i pants it was a joke

and he had no underwear on him i was like ah and i started laughing and i i ran i ran into my um

i ran into my bedroom and i locked the door and i laughed like for like a whole hour i giggled and

laughed i was like i'm gonna get you back your mom feel better yeah yeah that's how it got all

started hermano you see man he rips a fart and mom lit it with a lighter and that started the

tradition that's where that's where it started yeah and i think my my finest moment ever were

prank me and my dad have pranked each other a lot but the finest moment i ever had with my dad

one time is i actually um we the first time we got a cordless phone you know you can hit the

button on the cordless phone to set the ring or set the volume and it sounds like it's ringing

so my dad had just my dad had just come home from work my dad was working a late shift came home

he's in bed and i grabbed the cordless phone and i make it ring you know and and i pick i act like

i'm picking it up i'm like hey how you doing yeah yeah i'll put them on so i go to my dad

And I said, hey, Dad, the phone freeze, okay.

And instead of giving him the phone, I gave him a banana.

And he put the banana up to his ear.

And he goes, hello?

And he doesn't hear anything.

And he says it again.

He's like, hello?

And he looks at it, and he sees it's a banana.

He got pissed off, and he threw the banana at me.

That's still the best ever when I gave him the banana phone.

I'll never forget that.

That was fun.

That's me and my dad.

Yeah, what's up with Nunu?

Tell us, Milkman.

Ben, I don't know what's going on.

As usual, I'm not in the loop.

You've got psycho feminist numbers, man.

And these people are hot to answer.

You've got to call now before they go to bed.

Okay.

Check his private number.

Wow.

He's different.

Okay, well, let me check that.

My cell phone just died.

The battery just died.

He confirmed it already.

Where is Nunu's messaging at?

Nunu, where are you?

Where is he sending it?

Okay, here we go.

Nunu, I sent U.S. numbers, and that's all I get from him.

Well, that helps a lot, Nunu.

Let's see where the madhouse...

There we go.

So, all right, we got more.

Is that the one?

love hillary clinton

Let's see here.

A woman answered, maybe calling, she has...

Landline in the cell phone number.

Okay.

Crazy fundamentalist woman hates Muslims and Mexicans.

Has a good sing song every week at McDonald's.

I remember this lady.

She was in trouble quite a while back for going into some store run by Mexicans

and taking down the Mexican flag and stealing it.

Asked for the flag back.

Or she hates gays also.

Maybe she just keeps calling her...

Oh, she isn't a feminist, he said.

I guess she's just a hater.

I see.

Well, wait, you don't have minutes.

i'll buy them okay you're gonna do your thing here right i gotta take a piss first though

we'll go hurry up and do that and then you know we'll work on that hurry up don't take too long

and don't pee in the toilet seat again all right you did last week definitely don't pee on the

damn floor again you peed on the toilet seat yeah i'm kidding no he didn't nick is asking which

mexican hater which stream is live itunes or justin tv they're different is that really i don't know

Dude, I cannot get the Winamp stream to come up at all.

Every player I got, it will not come up.

It's definitely up, dude.

I'm plugged into it right now.

I don't know why.

I cannot get it to come up.

I've tried everything.

I'm sort of restarting.

All right, Justin.TV should be live now.

I apologize there, sir.

Nick?

Are you sure Galaxy's up?

Yes, it is.

If you guys can confirm for me,

if you guys don't think that the Shoutcast stream is live, let me know.

You should be hearing us.

My room was saying earlier that the screen was choppy, so I don't know.

Someone in the set room was mentioning that.

I don't know.

It should be fixed.

Okay, well, the good news here, if you guys remember, Tuck, you forward this over to me.

Big Joop, the Joopster, I guess he's got a CD that came out.

What information do you know about this?

Yeah.

Oh, a little Halloween EP they sent me today.

So, yeah, check it out.

It's quite a Joopery.

Okay.

Jute, as you might say.

All right.

It's quite jupery.

All right.

This one's called I Am A Mummy.

We're going to play that here.

This is from our good friend Jute, long-time listener, classic prank caller, good friend of our show.

Him and his other brother.

He's got, like, three twins.

Play El Cupertrapra after that one.

All right.

What do you recommend?

I love it.

My favorite part is when they like to fight on air.

Oh, dude, yeah.

El Cupertrapra.

Yeah.

One of the funniest things I ever heard was when Jute does one thing.

You remember Long Don that KDK used to call all the time?

And he used to hack his answer machine and change the message.

And this one time, Jupe called and changed the message to this gay guy.

Like, oh, my God, how you doing?

It's Long Dong.

And I laughed and laughed.

No one knows what I'm talking about.

Maybe there's audio of it.

I love the opener on his show.

That was hilarious, man.

He did all the crazy voices.

Right, right.

Man, I got you.

Okay.

Play L.A. Crack.

All right.

L.A. Crack?

That's old.

Hang on.

All right.

You've got to call me these numbers now.

I found a razor in your bathroom.

Of course you did.

What do you mean?

What did you do with it?

I'm using that razor tonight.

Would you like to see what I did?

No.

I'm only kidding.

What did you shave this time?

Did you shave a patch?

A big patch.

Oh, God.

Where did you put the hair?

I put it in the sink.

Okay, good, good.

Good, doesn't that make sense?

Can I get pregnant with that or something?

I don't know.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe.

I got a war train.

I got to get Athena tested.

You may get a hemorrhoid, too, so be careful.

Yeah, we better watch out.

Little Artie running around.

Now before he blows his hemorrhoid, man, put some minutes on that card.

Little evil Arties.

Oh, dude, yeah, we've got to put minutes on the card.

Then we're going to call Nunu's numbers.

Then we're going to call some more from Lonesome Loser.

In the meantime, Artie's going to do his first run.

Artie, you ready?

Take the cam off.

Well, you've got to get off cam.

You've got to take your cam.

Oh, I have the control, right?

Yeah, there we go.

There we go.

It doesn't matter.

Did you just unplug it?

No, I just pointed it at the monitor.

all right well good for you all right well let's get that ready let's play some appropriate music

everybody i guess um i don't know what to play any suggestions here we could play uh uh mary

jane i guess that makes sense right no no play some bob marley man bob marley is that the best

we can do here now oh yeah man bob marley that's as good as it gets what's what's a weed what's a

pot smoking song for bob marley i don't know i don't know this stuff lively up yourself no what's

What's it called? What's that one?

There's one he talks about smoking weed.

Easy skanking. Isn't that the one?

All of them.

All of them?

All of them.

All right, I think this is the one.

All right, Artie.

Hey, Bob Mully, you're pretty much getting it right.

All right, so guys, give me about five minutes.

Let me take care of Artie over here.

Make sure he knows what he's doing.

I'm not going to be partaking.

Oh, yeah, you also got to block out your cam because I'm kind of in it.

Are you in it, really?

Well, no one's going to see that.

No one's going to see that.

On to the camera, man.

All right, and we're going to add some more minutes to the card,

and we're going to call the feminists.

Just a moment, we'll be right back.

We're going to call the hater, Mexican hater.

Gay Mexican hater.

So what's up with NowLive?

It's like really bad quality, like audio now, right?

They're having a lot of trouble.

Hello.

Hi.

Is this Ms.

Yes, it is.

Hey, big.

How you doing, baby?

How is it?

This is Raul Martinez.

I wanted to know, between me and you,

did you know that it's proper, proper

that when the Mexican flag touches the ground

or it's bunched up and you're supposed to burn it?

Oh, hold on a minute.

I didn't know anything about that.

That's the proper way to dispose of any flag, ma'am,

any flag in the United Nations Code.

I didn't dispose of anything, sir.

Well, you did.

You took it and you let it touch the ground.

I did not do that at all.

It touched the ground.

No, it did not.

You dried your car with it, right?

I heard you washed your car.

No, I did not.

You washed your car.

I did not.

Woman, you washed your car and you dried the car with the Mexican flag.

That is not true.

You're disgusting. You know what I'm going to do tonight?

I'm going to wash my dog and I'm going to dry him off with the American flag

and dry his ass off with it and everything.

There's nothing you can do about it.

That's your problem. I'm not intending to do anything about it.

You don't know what you're talking about.

What if I wash my car with the American flag?

That'll be up to you.

You think it's so good?

Why are you calling me?

Because you desecrated the Mexican flag.

I didn't desecrate anything, sir.

You put it on the floor and you stomped up and down on it.

Yes, you did.

I did not.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, my wife said that you did.

She saw you doing that.

Well, she's lying.

You went up and down.

You said, ha, ha, ha, ha.

No, I did not.

Like this.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I did not.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I did not.

You're a sick, bad woman.

I did not do that.

You're a sick, mean, mean, nasty woman.

I didn't do that.

I don't do that.

Shame on you, woman.

Why are you calling me?

It's over.

You desecrated the flag of the greatest.

I didn't desecrate anything.

The most powerful nation in North America, you desecrated our beautiful flag.

In a war, we'd kick your ass.

You know we would.

There'd be no fight in Texas.

We're not in a war.

Well, when we are in a war, when Mexico and America finally go at it for resources, for our natural resources.

You're not any Mexican.

Well, I am a Mexican.

Yes, I am.

Well, you're not.

You don't even sound like a Mexican.

You probably go to a university somewhere.

I do what?

You're not a Mexican.

I go to a university to somewhere?

What are you going to say?

Oh, look.

Hey.

Hey, Artie, it's Ms. Cleo.

Ms. Cleo is on the line, everybody.

Sick woman.

Shame on you.

I'm going to hang up on you now.

When I call back, I expect you to purchase three Mexican flags,

and I want you to frame two of them and the other one.

I want you to fly it on a flagpole on the top.

I'm not doing anything like that.

The order you're going to fly is Mexican flag first,

First, then the state flag of California, and then under that, the American flag.

That's how you're going to fly it.

I don't have to do anything today.

You do, because if not, I'm going to report you to the Mexican federales.

Oh.

And they're going to sue you for desecrating the Mexican flag.

Oh, that's fine.

It's against the Mexican Constitution.

This is not Mexico.

But we'll extradite you.

We have permission.

Vincente Fox himself says he wants to do it.

Are you drunk?

What are you calling here?

I'm not drunk.

I'm not drunk, ma'am.

I'm not American people.

That's what you're talking about.

I'm not American people that get drunk, sick people that get drunk,

and desecrate other good countries' flags like you did.

You're under the influence of alcohol when you did it.

Yeah, you pendejo.

Mm-hmm.

Are you through?

Wait a minute.

Now I'm through.

Hang up.

I give you permission to hang up the phone.

I command you to hang up the phone.

Hang up, pendejo.

I command you to hang up the phone, woman.

You're not commanding me anything.

I'm not rude.

If you'll get through and get through, you're rattling on.

I command you to hang up the phone right now.

You will end this phone call.

I say it, and it will happen.

I'm not doing anything you say.

All right, then we'll stay here, and you're going to listen to everything I have to say, then.

You're going to stay on the phone with me and never hang up.

Is that what we're going to do?

She just put the phone down.

She's a chicken, a yellow chicken, a flag desecrator, and a homewrecker, too, and an alcoholic.

What you saying, bitch?

She didn't say nothing.

She was about to say something.

What, now?

Oh, she was just about to.

It sounded like she breathed.

Hang up the phone there, Artie.

Olale.

Or I'll give you.

You're a racist, Artie, man.

Olale.

Mexicans don't say that.

I know.

I said no such thing.

That one goes out to Nunu.

Nunu out there in the United Kingdom.

I'm hoping she liked that.

Play El Cubitraba right now.

Trust me.

It ties in.

Gatling 30mm.

Boy, I love hearing Artie eat in the background.

Let's turn that up.

Wow.

That's great audio right there.

Hello, Mr. Regalas.

bring back eddie and fat fuck jack jack masters and eddie garcia we haven't done those voices

in a while huh uh i have jewish audio so it'll play it'll keep a strawberry song right now

it'll be it ties in really well with what's going on let's do it all right and while we do that

we're going to set up the next prank call this is going to be to the chubbs bar that's in fargo

good movie why is it not playing oh i know why duh you know let's try that again fucking thing

Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.

Big Chubbs, how you doing, buddy?

What's up?

You got potato chips there?

We always get potato chips.

That's good.

What about cold-cut sandwiches?

No, we don't have that.

We're a bar.

But you have potato chips, though, right?

Yeah, potato chips.

Are you supposed to be serving food if you serve alcohol?

Is that not shady?

No, we're just a bar and off-sale.

A what sale?

A bar and an off-sale.

What's an off-sale, man?

Liquor store.

Oh, but the liquor store's attached to the bar.

Correct.

You know, that wouldn't fly where I come from.

it wouldn't be right to let it that way up here in most towns.

Yeah, I come from Mexico.

Over there, I tried to drink a beer when I was 16 years old,

and they threatened to cut my hand out with a machete.

Then I woke up and I realized I was in Syria.

You know, you can't even drink alcohol in Syria.

I got what you got. I'm busy in here, bud.

I command you not to let me go.

All right, bye.

All right, that was gay.

I don't know what to do.

I don't want to call bars.

I don't want to call bars, because they're just like, eh.

Ooh, we got the Greasy Spoon Cafe.

Hell yeah.

we can call that what can we talk to a cafe about there arty milkman tuck whoever's paying

attention you got the munchies sir how do you feel any a difference no not really i'm hungry

though i told you he's blew that damn smoke like right over towards me and we will die

here we go we're gonna call the greasy spoon cafe folks

greasy spoon cafe pick up the phone everyone out there when you put your hands up put your arm

I'm going to extend one arm out like this right here, like I'm doing on cam.

I'm going to put your hands up.

I'm going to pray to God, please, let the Greasy Spoon Cafe pick up the phone in the name of Jesus.

Use your powers.

I don't think it's going to happen.

I don't think we have the healing here tonight, Artie.

Praise Jesus.

Praise him.

Yay.

All right, well, Brian has terminated that call there.

Why the fuck them?

Yeah, fuck them right up it.

I don't know if you guys...

Bless you.

I don't know if you guys have been watching The Shield, but it's been very exciting.

If you don't watch The Shield, you should watch it.

Four episodes left in the whole show.

and it's heating up yeah man yeah yeah yeah yeah all right milkman so tell us what happened

milkman what concert you were going to go to a concert tonight and it got canceled huh

dude listen to this crap dude i i heard tickets for neil young live tonight with death cab with

cutie and everest and unknown reason the concert was canceled i wonder what happened maybe one of

and then went into, like, rehab.

Maybe one of them had, like, a rehab or DUI.

They played in San Diego last night.

And then tomorrow they're going to play in Reno.

Are you going to go to Reno instead?

No, I don't know what's going on there.

Nah, dude, I can't, man.

I'm taking a day off, though.

You're going to take a day off?

Check this out, man.

I just got a call a minute ago, man.

From?

I went down to the front desk.

Okay.

Guess what I found laying on the floor?

A bag of weed.

41 bucks.

Smoke weed every day.

You got 41 bucks?

Laying on the floor, dude.

I was like, yeah, there's a good present, man.

You know, I said, hey, man, I think it's good with my car.

I'll give it 41 bucks later.

I'm still happy.

Shit, dude, you got a day off.

You should get up tomorrow early and get some pancakes, man.

Get some pancakes ordered to your room.

Or get some Chinese food and some pancake faces.

Artie, how many tacos did you have tonight?

I had eight.

And you said you want more.

Yeah.

There's no more food in this house.

Artie's eating all the food in this house.

You're begging me.

I'm going to break my yogurt and make a smiley face.

All right, well, let's continue here.

They're closed, dude.

They close at 10.

Oh, well, fuck them.

Yeah, they're right next.

They'll deliver here, bud.

They're closed.

They close at 10, man.

It's Orlando.

Nothing's open past 11.

Shout out, welcome back, some of our old, old friends here at the Matt House.

Miss Ellie, Mr. Mark, Mr. Matt, welcome back.

We got Mr. Mooney.

We got a party going here.

All right.

A prank factor.

Is Syndicate up?

What's going on?

Artie, can you give me a status on Syndicate?

Do we have audio? Do we have video? What's going on?

Let's see. Let's ask.

Put a one in the room if you have the audio.

Please do. Let us know.

MeepleGuest501050 says,

Are you drunk? She was funny.

No. She was funny, but I was not drunk.

Thank you for pointing that out.

Is the phone line open Carlito?

You know what? I don't think it is.

Hollywood wants to call in.

All right, cool.

There's audio. I can hear it.

Good. All right.

So we're coming through.

Okay, Hollywood wants to call in, everybody.

Let's go ahead and clear up the line here.

Are there more feminists?

I thought we only had one.

Deanna De La Vadova.

All the fucking feminists do it now.

Oh, yeah.

Look at that.

We do have more.

Do it now.

Fuck with them, man.

Yeah, man.

All right, dude.

Hey, and I just wanted to mention,

I don't know if High Pitch Eric is out there or whatever maybe,

but the Craptacular was funny.

He won it.

High Pitch Eric and the Craptacular, funny stuff.

If you missed it, you should listen to it.

Sure.

Listen to it now.

I'm sure they're going to replay it tonight.

We'll see you.

Talk to you.

We should get him on air.

I don't think he's ever called on my show, but he's talked to me off air a few times and cursed me out.

Let's call him up.

You got his number?

I think someone in the room does.

Actually, he did call, but he did cut and carry on like a fool.

He did?

Yeah, he hates us.

He's not nice with us.

We're not nice with him.

Anyway, Hollywood's going to...

Hollywood should be calling in here in a second.

I'm going to cut your throat.

Any second now, Hollywood Vanya will be calling in.

We've got some more feminists to call here.

They said today or yesterday they said on the video that he has an inverted penis.

That it actually goes in.

If you can imagine, I don't know how that happens.

They saw him naked.

They had a live video feed of him taking a shit and he was naked and they said it was like an innie.

Okay.

Milkman, here you go.

We got Denny's.

Denny's in Mesa, Arizona and Tempe, Arizona coming in.

We also got Sheetz.

Sheetz has a good selection of potato chips.

They're a Pennsylvania chain of convenience store.

I've been to them.

Actually, Sheetz, those are the ones that they got.

You go into Sheetz already, I'll tell you what.

I don't know if you've ever been.

Have you ever been up north to Pennsylvania or something like that?

I don't remember.

There's this place, Sheetz, right?

You go into the gas station, the convenience store.

They're open 24-7.

You go in, and there's a computer screen in front of you, and it's a touchscreen, right?

and you pick what you want to eat, and then you don't have to order it with the person,

so they mess it up.

You pick what you want, and if you want ketchup or a whole lot of tomatoes or whatever it is,

and then they just make it for you, and they give it to you at the cash register ready to go.

Damn.

It's like a touchscreen.

You don't even talk to anybody.

Now, is there a capacity to how much you can order with the touchscreen?

I don't know.

I don't remember much of it.

I don't know if any of our Pennsylvania listeners out there can tell us.

Joop, he's in Pennsylvania.

I'm sure there's sheets out there where he lives.

lives. All I know is that when I go to

Pennsylvania, one of the things that I love the most

is there's that gas station, Turkey

Hill, and they have the best

iced tea out there, especially sugar-free.

They've got sugar-free... What about

Poland Springs water? Pomegranate. Oh, Poland Springs

water. I did bring some back when

I flew back from Pennsylvania. I bought

it at the airport

so I could pass through with it. I bought it at the

little store. It cost me like three bucks for a bottle

of Poland Springs, but God, that's some damn good water,

man, Poland Springs. You guys

have Poland Springs over there, but down here we've

We've got Zephyrhills, and Zephyrhills is a damn good water, too.

Matter of fact, I was drinking to that gallon.

What do you got?

Oh, yeah, Darylhead.

Ah, that sounds like crap.

Sounds like bear shit in that lake that they get that water from.

Sounds like crap.

MSC3Clay says, the last one we prank called, June Griffin.

She's running for government.

She's running for some type of title.

Interesting.

Is Hollywood calling in?

I'm going to move on here.

I don't have a call from him yet.

Is your phone working already?

Is the battery up?

If Hollywood can join in, that'd be good.

But at least get them feminists pissed off.

Yeah, call the toll-free line.

See if it rings through.

Oh, here we go.

We got a call.

We got someone in here.

Not on that.

On the cell phone.

On your cell phone.

You can test out the...

What happened today?

1-888-278-8509.

Let us know if that's working.

Let's call the feminists.

278?

Yeah, we're going to call the feminists here.

We're going to call the...

888-278-8509.

We're getting that ready here.

We are going to call the feminists next.

Don't worry.

Busy.

It's busy?

That's not right.

Let me try to fix that.

Hold on, hold on.

Oh, hang on.

It's disabled.

That's why.

Ha, ha, ha.

Okay.

The toll-free line should be up now.

Thank you, Artie.

Good test.

No more testing.

That's fine.

Should be ringing now.

Hollywood, you're more than welcome to call in now.

Ha, ha, ha.

Let's go ahead and play the rest of, uh, well, let's play A-Song while we get ready for

the next prank call.

More feminists coming up.

Fuck ACDC.

I love ACDC.

I do, too.

I don't like their station on XM Stereos.

I haven't listened to it yet, actually.

I can't find it on the damn dial.

Yeah, it's actually pretty.

I got the sound here.

Hello, how are you doing there?

What do you mean you're doing what?

You didn't complete your sentence.

Oh.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello, ma'am.

Yes.

I'm calling with the RNC,

and we have here registered that you were a Hillary Clinton supporter,

and we understand that she's no longer, you know,

actually in the running for president.

We were wondering if you'd possibly be willing to switch your vote

to the Palin side, the Republican side.

Well, you're calling me at 1130 at night,

and I'm going to write in Hillary's name.

No.

Yeah.

They're going to reject your ballot if you do that, you know.

Well, the last time I counted, write-ins worked, so thank you for calling.

It's an automatic rejection, and they hand count it, and it gets lost.

It happened in Florida.

Anyone who does a rioting gets a rejected secret.

They don't take you seriously because so many people were writing in Bill Cosby and Mickey Mouse.

I didn't get to do the part about her having a vagina.

She ain't going to answer you.

You're 19.

She doesn't listen to you, man.

Come on.

Call her cell phone now, dude.

Call her cell phone.

What's the oldest lady you've been involved with there, Artie?

24.

24-year-old and you're 19 or you're 18 at the time?

The only woman I've been involved with.

Yeah, there you go, there you go.

I don't have her cell phone number, Milkman.

Where's the cell phone number?

The landline and her cell phone number, I believe.

You didn't send me shit, that's what I said.

God damn it.

We got a Turkey Hill restaurant coming in from Lonesome Loser.

Good call, man.

Good tea over there.

I would do anything for a nice, tall glass of cold, turkey-heeled, dyed orange tea.

Would you call me a pussy, sir?

No, a tall glass of pussy.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's good.

Yeah.

Is this yours, Carlito?

What's that?

This nail file.

What's Athena's nail file?

I don't even have nails.

I figured you were a metro.

I cut my nails.

I figured you were at least metro and maybe gay.

I'm so fucking hardcore, I chew my nails to the bone.

Look at that.

Look at her fingernails.

Doing nothing.

I can't do anything with my fingernails.

They don't exist.

I bite them every day.

I chew them as much as I can.

They bleed sometimes.

What else do you chew on?

Cigars.

And?

That's it?

Daddy's cigar?

No, my own cigar.

I have that talent.

I'm like Ron Jeremy.

All right, we're going to play some more of this song and do the next call.

What song is this?

Have a drink on me.

We're going to call it Turkey Hill, everybody.

This one is in East Freedom, Pennsylvania, as opposed to West Freedom.

We've got about an hour and 15 minutes left to show.

It's already late.

Well, we started late, though, then.

We'll go into, I don't know, we'll go into 1245 to 1 o'clock tonight.

Artie's asking about changing the voice to man or woman.

It sounds like crap.

We've done it once, though.

We had a good prank with it, the Dr. Nargis.

I would play it, but we played it for so long.

Jesus.

Use the megaphone this time.

It's broken.

You cannot come to the phone this time.

Leave a message.

Leave your name and phone number, and we'll call you back as soon as possible.

I'm trying to crack the phone.

I'm trying to hack the answering machine.

Standard answering machines, you can hand codes like 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-0-0-0.

It gives you control of the answering machine.

You can hear their messages, change their outgoing message and all that stuff.

It doesn't always work.

You've never done that before?

See, you're 19.

You don't remember the days when people had answering machines, do you?

No, it's just built in.

That's all you know, right, answering machines?

You don't remember when?

Back in the day, Artie.

When I was like three.

Yeah, you had your phone, and next to the phone you had another box that had tapes in it.

It had one tape and another tape, and then it was your answering machine.

So when people called, the tape would start and it would record it.

And when you came home, if you saw the light flashing, you hit the button, it would rewind, and you'd have to wait, and you'd go...

These days, it's all digital.

Now it's all digital, or it's all voicemail, too.

It's all in.

Draper Marcus.

Thank you for giving... You don't give out people's first names, you stupid asshole.

so hello uh sir how are you doing tonight i'm doing good how are you guys doing hollywood

vine yeah how you doing just to warn you already accidentally gave out your name on the air by

looking at the caller id oh man i'm a little high wow he gets negative that's your first time man

took me six times before i felt anything come on yeah yeah i'm sorry about the line i thought

the line was active and alas it was not active oh that's cool cool so how you been you got a

a new car huh yes what kind of what car did you get i did get uh i got a 2009 um cobalt oh did

you really yeah this thing is great though i mean my last one was a cobalt too but this one's

like tricked out big time i don't know everything in it all i know is that last time i went to

pennsylvania and uh when was it about a month ago two months ago we rented a chevy cobalt yellow one

It was a 2008, and I don't know.

It was kind of weird.

It was comfortable, you know, but it had a weird ride to it and stuff.

But I'm sure the newer version is probably better.

But, hey, you test drove it and everything, right?

Oh, yeah.

I get about 36 miles per gallon.

Well, that's pretty good.

Okay.

Athena drove it.

I didn't.

And she was telling me, oh, it's getting bad mileage.

Maybe she probably doesn't know how to drive.

That's what it is.

She's probably like, oh, good.

She's a woman.

She had it in second gear the whole time, probably.

She didn't even know.

Yeah, it could be.

Women can drive, right?

Yeah, they can.

They can drive.

A woman hit my car.

I should bring up those pictures again.

Bring that whole mess up.

So, hey, does that come with XM in it?

Does it come with, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, cool.

You know, and I have an XM subscription already.

Oh, really?

But they're telling me I can get the Sirius stations for an extra $4.95 a month.

Yeah, you can get best of Sirius on XM.

What are those, Howard stations?

Howard, ESPN.

Martha Stewart.

Yeah, it's Martha Stewart.

Yeah, a few other ones.

Yeah, I've got Best of XM on Sirius.

I've got Opie and Anthony, The Virus Station, I've got that.

Yeah.

Oprah that I don't listen to.

ACDC I've got somewhere there.

You can't find them though, huh?

Yeah, I don't know.

I've tried to find it.

I know I've got the channels because it says, the stupid thing is, on my radio, on the Sirius one, when you get the Best of XM, all the channels for Sirius, they say, you know, they show you lithium, you know, grind, whatever.

whatever, they show, you know, Howard 100, these here, it just says XM and a number,

that's all it says, it says XM 200, 201, so you have no idea if you're listening to, you

know, the basketball station, or where the football game is, or if you're listening to

Or the gay channel.

Is there a gay channel on that show?

I don't know, I don't listen to the satellite.

Oh yeah, Martha Stewart.

Well no, Sirius has OutQ, I think, right?

You'd know.

I probably called them once in the air.

It was pretty funny.

Oh, you did?

Well, they were like, yeah, they were talking about bears.

You know, bears, like, you know, the big, hairy, big guys, you know?

Oh, God.

So I called in, and it had a bear sound effect in the background.

And I was like, yeah, you know, my boyfriend, he's a bear, and I think he's violent.

What should I do?

And the guy's like, oh, we should definitely get out.

I was like, oh, my God, wait, he's home.

And then in the background, they got...

Like a bear.

And the guy's like, oh, very funny.

God.

And he's like, hung up on me.

Yeah.

I've got to find that.

That's ages ago.

Yeah, you've got to find that.

That was early 2006.

That was like a Thursday.

It was like a Friday night show or a Sunday night show.

Something weird.

Some weird night like that.

Oh, they're so weird.

That was one of the weird shows.

You know, he's violent.

He comes home angry.

He's like, oh, well, you need to get out, honey.

You've got to get out of that.

And the next guy I played in the background is a loud bear mauling me.

mean he's like oh he cut me off like right off and like that's very funny very original sir very

he was like so offended oh god good you gotta watch out for bears man they come home drunk

angry after work yeah like athena like athena yeah she comes home angry drunk after work that's

what it is all right so let's uh let's do a prank call who do you want to call there hollywood

did you see those feminists i sent you that in the mr mirc yeah we talked to diana we got

got marcia pappas now well if you marcia pappas is fine pappas i know how pissed you got when

someone hits a number yeah it really offended me all right hang up the phone so we can do the call

here i'm sorry what not you you're okay arty's being a arty's pushing buttons like oh i got a

phone for the first time all right you know you know those guys that pretend they're drunk

yeah he's pretending he's all right i'm so all right uh we're gonna do this call then this is

She's a feminist

So you got that

What's it a TV channel she's on or something

Oh National Organization of Women of New York

Okay there we go

Cool alright don't go anywhere man

Nobody else go anywhere for that matter

Hello you have reached the room

Hi my name is Ann

I understand it's late right now

But I have like an emergency

Can you give me some

Some help real quick

What's happening is

My boss at work is continually touching me and trying to make passes at me,

and I don't know what to do.

Well, I'm sorry, but I can't help you this late at night.

Well, what's the difference between late at night?

This is the only time that I have available.

He is watching me constantly, and I can't call any other time.

Well, you have just called my home number.

Right.

Hi. I got your number from Sarah.

From who?

From Sarah. She told me to call you at any time, and this is the first chance that I've gotten.

He's actually, my boss has me sleeping at work on the couch,

and I've got to kind of keep my voice down a little bit because I think he may be here listening,

or he may have the room bugged.

He won't let me out of here at all, and I don't know what to do.

I can barely hear you.

You're very static-y, but I really can't talk to you.

Well, you're here in New York, right?

I'm sorry?

You're here in New York, right?

Barely.

I can barely hear you.

Well, ma'am, can you just come pick me up here at the office?

I've got to have somebody because he locks it from the outside and I can't get out.

Well, you have to call the office if you need help.

Okay.

Well, I'm in the office right now.

Yes, but you'll have to call my office.

I can't help you.

It's midnight, and you shouldn't not be calling me at this number.

I'm so sorry, but this is the only time that I have available.

Oh, gosh, he's coming in.

Place a call.

Press 1.

You are recorded.

She's like, I can't help you.

I didn't hear any staticness at all.

She was making up excuses.

She's a lying woman.

I didn't want to save me.

Lying tongue.

Hollywood, what's the last show that I sent you to edit?

I don't remember.

Probably on a cheap-ass phone.

That was two weeks ago.

Did I send you the Saturday stuff?

No, right?

Did I send you?

No.

I kept looking for it up on the website, and I could never find it.

It was never there under that one folder.

Everyone who's listening live, who listens to the podcast,

there's a few of you out there who've said,

hey, where's the show?

What's going on?

I've had three exams this week.

I've had a report also this week that I had to do.

so I've fallen behind on the podcast for the Saturday show.

That's the only one that's missing, right?

We're only missing one show right now, I think.

Maybe two?

Two.

Two, right?

Yeah.

Wake up.

Last Thursday and Saturday.

You got to know that new car smell, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Or do you want what?

Chicken teriyaki on sticks?

Yes.

How do they do that?

I don't know.

On sticks?

What's the difference?

Long pieces of meat.

Look, I want to explain this, guys, if you can listen to this.

This menu has chicken teriyaki, and then it also has chicken teriyaki on sticks.

Yeah.

What's the difference?

They put them in chopsticks so you don't have to use them.

Yeah, I guess so.

That's cool.

Hey, Artie, you know, we need to do the endless shrimp, dude.

It's over on November 10th.

Okay, I don't really like shrimp.

You don't like red lobster shrimp?

I never really had shrimp.

But it's endless.

I mean, it doesn't end.

It keeps coming and coming.

I'll put them out of business.

It's bullshit.

You go there, right, and like, oh, yeah, you got endless.

You have four hours.

I met that guy.

That guy's awesome.

I met that dude.

How do you turn the volume down?

On what?

On that receiver?

Yeah.

I don't know.

The mic volume?

Fuck it.

Don't talk so loud.

Fuck it.

And I can.

Don't think I can.

I lost track.

I forgot what I was going to talk about.

Something fun.

Hey.

All right.

Hang up the phone so we can do a call.

Okay.

Thank you.

All right.

Buffet.

I need to go to a buffet.

I think I'm going to treat myself to that this weekend.

Here we go.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Someone's asking here as well.

I'll need to release a show so I can listen when I bike.

Yeah, this is the biker guy.

This is the guy.

He's a bicyclist, and he had cancer of the testicle,

and they took off his testicle.

I don't know.

He was telling me about a story.

Some guy.

Cancer of the testicle?

Wasn't that a...

He had one testicle?

What's his name?

I don't know.

Who's that famous biker?

You told me you only had one testicle.

I have three testicles, sir.

Oh, okay.

I heard you could sell your testicle for like $10,000.

Why would you...

Who would want that?

I don't know, but $10,000, what the fuck?

He was ticklish.

Can you keep the sperms?

Yeah, well, you only need one to make a kid.

Yeah, but it takes a lot of them to get there.

They have to fight each other.

If not, this one sperm by itself is just like,

doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, and doesn't do anything.

You've got to have a lot of sperm.

They all activate each other, and they run really fast, yeah.

Well, my balls are the size of grapefruit, so I think I'm good.

Thank you for telling me that.

I appreciate that.

You're going to get some girl pregnant, Artie, is what's going to happen.

I'm not going to be here to help you out.

Could you imagine a baby, Artie?

I wonder when you sit down, your legs spread straight out.

Because your balls are so big, huh?

Well, that's what it is.

It's not the thighs that are getting in the way.

Okay.

I do.

I have to sit like that, stretched out all the time.

All right.

Anyway, the next call.

Who do we say we're calling?

That we're calling a business?

We're calling Papa John's for some pizza.

We're going to call your mom for some pizza.

We're going to call...

Okay, let me send you the numbers first of all.

I'm going to start with Mario's pizza.

What's the number?

I'll dial it.

How do you know how to dial?

It's on speed dial.

Stop.

Are you done?

Because you're ruining the show.

No, it's bad audio when you do that.

Okay, there.

All right, great, thanks.

Good style.

We have to edit this out in post-production, huh?

Yeah.

You're making me...

Hollywood's the one that's editing it out anyway.

All right, let me send that to you here, Hollywood.

I got a bunch of numbers here.

The most important one here, this place, I don't know,

have you ever been to Pennsylvania or had a chance to drink Turkey Hill?

I'm telling you, it's very...

I love iced tea, though.

Oh, this is the best of the iced teas.

Let's call 911.

No, let's not.

Okay, we're going to call Denny's if you'd like.

We also have Spud's Pizza.

We got Mario's pizza quick Mario's pizza and ask for pigeon pizza again pigeon pizza. Okay, we can do that

Do I have the martyrs me? I thought I had the Mario music

Yeah, don't talk so loud in the fucking mic. Why does it sounds bad and you piss people off?

Yes, that's fine

You gotta do we gotta get ready to do some prank calls through here we do what boys what characters you do

do you already just me already evil already and

Just me.

Just you?

Yeah.

What do you call for beers?

I don't know.

I just fucking go with it.

Do you call it about penises?

Is that what you say?

Is that your thing?

What's your MO?

I just go with it, bitch.

All right, bitch.

Let's do this.

Mario's Pizza, everybody.

Enjoy this little song here that has nothing to do with Mario, I don't think.

No, this is Mario Rap by MC Chris.

You're a big fan of MC Chris, aren't you there?

Yeah, man.

Good guy.

I met him in person.

I actually don't live now.

Yeah.

Here we go.

You borrow my car, and then you give it a test.

What?

Mario's test?

Mario, Mario's a fuckin' psycho

It's 1986, I'm in the first grade

I'm workin' really hard to get Mario laid

I gotta save the princess so he can get the pussy

Believe me, Mario will get that ass

So fuck Luigi, Mario really wants to get her in bed

So bad that he's bustin' off bricks with his head

He just wants sex, so forget the wedding bells

Jumpin' on little mushroom men

And turtle cells droppin' down green pipes

And secret passageways makin' his move to the end

Where the final castle lays

Eat a magic mushroom, roll a little higher

Eat a white flower and spit balls of fire

All these creatures that attack won't cut Mario slack

Oh shit, hold on, I'll be right back

What's the largest size pizza you guys can eat?

The largest size pizza?

Yeah

Um, just a second

Hey, what's the largest size pizza we can eat?

What's the largest size pizza we can eat?

We only have one size and it's cut into six slices

One size, how big are the slices?

Um, I don't know. Exactly.

Can you get a regular one for me real quick?

I just need the narrow one. You know how many to order.

What? I don't... Just a moment.

Okay, thank you.

Can I help you?

Yes, ma'am. How many regular slices in your pizza?

It'd be like going to Pizza Hut and getting two slices of equal or one slice.

Pizza Hut and getting like two slices?

Hello, honey?

Yeah.

How you doing?

I'm doing well.

Who are you talking to?

Who's this on the phone with my husband?

I'm sorry, I ruined that.

I was trying to do this whole, who are you talking to?

Was that your version of Jack Masterson?

That was pretty good, actually.

What were you using, a marker or what exactly?

Yeah, a marker is perfect for it, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

I took that idea from Phil Henry.

To place a call, press 1.

To listen.

All right, I like that MC Chris.

Can you measure it for me?

Can you measure it?

She's like, oh, is she good to have to get any pizza?

Why would she not know that they can only carry one size pizza?

She's like, I like big sausage pizza.

Yeah, so do people just call and ask for pizza?

Like, has she taken order and never noticed?

Huh, no one ever says medium or large, duh.

Carlos loves, Carlito loves big sausage pizza.

Oh, yeah?

I like to, you know, I do like to take mini pizzas, you know, the small pizzas from Pizza Hut?

Yeah.

You let them sit for about 15 minutes with the top open in the box, right?

and then you roll it up and you put it on the hard one,

and I'm telling you, it's perfect right there.

What you do is you take one of those, just a medium-sized piece of other Totino's.

Right.

You heat it up just a little bit.

Right.

You wrap it up.

You fold it around, you know what I mean?

Right, right.

And you let it go to town.

Oof.

Don't let her bite down, though, is the main thing.

Yeah, that's important.

You know what I've heard, actually, the real thing in jail,

they do this a lot in prison, they get liver.

like you know those little tubs of liver and that they they leave it out to get to room temperature

they put it down on top of the tv or something like that and they actually open up and they

and they do it they you know they do the thing inside the thing not even they just take the

lid off and do they said it feels it feels like the real thing is what they say okay i'll get

some liver yeah you already want to try that not here you can try that at your house yeah

i can try it here no you can't it's right out there on the couch i've got these tubs of jello

It's right at the couch.

On the couch out there.

That's not nice to say.

That's funny, dude.

I'll knock you out.

My fiance's fucking liver, yeah.

Is the video working now?

What's going on?

I don't know.

It's all fucked up on here.

I hate this hat.

All right.

So why do you wear it?

I don't know.

What does this fucking do?

It's part of his persona.

All right.

So let's call the next one.

We got Spud's Pizza Parlor.

Okay.

Well, man, I'll start this one off.

Should I hang up?

Okay.

Yeah, please hang up.

Okay, Carlito.

Thank you, sir.

I think you like five people talking to one woman.

That's what I actually did on purpose.

All right.

All right, hang on, everybody.

We're going to play some more Mario Rap while we get Spud's Pizza Parlor on the line.

Fuck yeah.

If you let her free, you get the pussy.

Oh, are we there?

That was a good timing.

All right, I'm telling Eddie over here, if he wants to get the pussy, he needs to get jewelry for the girl.

That's going to help you.

Yes, hi.

I had a question, ma'am.

I was just wondering if I had come in earlier tonight

and I thought that you would look good in some diamond stud earrings

and I was crazy enough to buy you a pair.

Excuse me?

If I had seen you earlier tonight when I came in

and I thought that you would look beautiful in a pair of diamond stud earrings

and I went to the mall in Bonham, what would you say if I came in and gave them to you?

Thanks, but no thanks.

But why? Are you married?

I am.

How long have you been married?

And this is a business hunt, so I really don't have time for a conversation like this, so...

But I have a food order.

Damn it.

I should have came on by Dino.

No, call her back.

Call her back.

Get Dino.

Get Dino to be like, you're a fucking bitch.

Get the fucking books.

The fucking books.

And I'll say, I want to, and I'll start placing an order and ask her.

Ask her if you can give her a pearl necklace then.

All right, I'll spoof the number of someone else.

We'll do that

This is the

Beautiest spoof

Tale man

Yeah we'll do

The order

Get her into it

You know what I

Mean like get

Her all involved

And at the end

Bring up the

Jewelry

That's not me

I'm fine

Yeah see Artie's

Over there coughing

Proof right there

The proof is in

The damn pudding

Let's put some

There you go

You gotta learn

How to use that

Phone Artie

And stop hitting

Buttons when you

Hang it up you

Big fat fingered

Fuck what's wrong

What's wrong with you?

Guess what button?

Your big sausage fingers.

One number's right next to the off button.

That's probably the one.

No, it wasn't.

Yeah, it was.

It was a surrender.

It was fine.

You used your pinky finger and hit like three buttons in the process.

It was like...

Okay, let's see if you can guess again.

Right.

Let's play the guess again.

Okay, let's play it.

I bet you I can get this.

All right, hang on.

Let me think.

Do it again.

Three.

Dun, dun, dun.

Okay, I know already it's either...

It's a G-talk, man.

It's either...

I can confirm a number for you.

All right.

Right. It's either 3, 5, or 7, right?

He just sent you a number, man.

It's either 3, 5, or 7.

8? Stop hitting the fucking buttons now.

That's enough of your stupid game.

We're just looking for an excuse to play with the fucking phone.

The fingers you have used to dial are too fat.

To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.

All right, don't go anywhere. Hollywood will be right back, folks.

Are we going to call that bitch back?

Yeah, we're going to call it back.

Yeah, Hollywood's going to get the pizza with the pearl necklace at the end of it.

Tell her at the end of the order you want to give her a pearl, you know, like.

And at the end of the whole thing, I would like to give you a pearl necklace.

All right, here we go.

Hermano.

Yes, hang on, hang on.

Everyone stop.

What's up, Milkman?

Yes, sir.

Check your G-Talk, man.

All right, all right, Milkman.

Geez, what's going on?

UK Computers.

You're a firm, man, from AMD.

We need to, oh, I need that international card, sir.

G-Talk.

International card I need.

Oh shit, I thought you had an international card

No, yours ran out

Your Skype

And the one that

That Kokany got us

Oh fuck

We don't have Skype here

I got Skype

I don't have it

I'll have to buy it man

Alright guys, hey

Alright, executive decision here

You're all on timeout

I'm going to start muting people

Why do you

You dumb fat

Sausage fingers over here

Doesn't know how to use a phone

I bet you

If you lived in a time

With the rotary dial phones

You know what that was already?

next to your answering machine, your phone,

you stuck your finger in these holes and you had to turn it,

your fingers probably will not have fit.

You probably had to have the special dialing wand.

You had to have a pencil.

The pencil with the eraser.

No, it was right back.

Fingers you have used to dial are too fat.

To obtain a special dialing wand,

please mash the keypad with your palm now.

Love you.

Yes, ma'am.

I need to place an order I want to pick up.

Okay.

Can you hold for just a moment?

Sure.

I may have been a mistake.

Why?

Because he asked for an order.

All right, what can we get for you?

Yes, ma'am.

I need to get two of your, I guess, you only have one size pizza, right?

Excuse me?

What's your largest size pizza?

It's a 15-inch pizza.

How many slices in that?

Well, it's 10 squares, so about 12 to 15.

Okay, perfect.

I need two of those.

Can I get a frame?

A combination?

Yeah.

Does that have anchovies?

No.

Okay, good.

No, we don't want any anchovies.

I've got a friend over here that gets sick of those.

Okay.

Excuse me, I've been sick.

Also, do you guys carry the liters of drinks?

No, we don't.

Okay, do you have any drinks at all?

We have found drinks you can get to go.

Okay, how much are those?

You know, it depends on what size you want.

Okay, well, I've got eight buddies over here right now.

We've been drinking a lot tonight and just wanted to get some food in us.

Okay.

I just wanted to do about eight of those.

Okay, well, you can order those when you get here.

Okay.

So you said you wanted two pizzas.

What were the pizzas?

You said one was the Supreme.

The Supreme, right.

All right, both of them supreme.

Okay.

Now, does that have the vegetables and everything on it, too?

It has pepperoni, Canadian bacon, onions, mushrooms, ground beef, and sausage.

Okay, but that's not a supreme, then, is it?

That's our supreme combination, yes.

Okay, wow.

That's unusual because most people, I mean, supremes have, like, the olives and everything else.

Do you not have olives or anything?

Not ours.

You can add that to it.

Okay, I think I need to add that, then.

Did you want to add those?

Yeah, I need to add some olives, for sure.

Are they the black olives or the green?

Black.

Okay.

How long does it take?

Did you want to add anything else?

Well, I mean, do you have all the vegetables, too?

Bell peppers, onions?

Yes.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, put those in there, too.

We have a Grand Slam that has every topping on, or every one of our toppings, if you want those instead.

Yeah, well, that would be even better, then.

So you want two large Grand Slams?

Yes.

With no anchovies?

No anchovies.

Right?

Right.

Okay.

Anything else?

Yeah.

Yeah, when I come there, would it be okay, could I give you some jewelry or possibly

a pearl necklace?

You know what, okay, if you're the one that just called me a minute ago, I really need

Oh, no, ma'am, I'm not the same, I'm not the same.

We're just going to go ahead and cancel this order.

No, no, go ahead, go ahead and do it.

Have a good night.

All right, you too.

Bye-bye.

Completed the call.

She was really, she laughed at first.

Was that you or did she laugh?

I wonder if she even knew what a pearl necklace was.

the real pearl necklace

the cheap one

the deep top

yeah

that's funny though

she was so upset

she said

she laughed at first

a little bit

I think I heard her laugh

you want me to do a

three something

like a third one

yeah do a third one

yeah you want to do

we'll give her like

five minutes alright

alright well

we'll do one call

and then we'll call her back

already we'll call

have you call her back

alright

but do the order

get her

just do a standard

just do two large pepperoni

and ask for like

some subs

you know

change it up

like see if they got subs or wings or something and at the end do the we'll be what's next i said

diamond stud earrings hollywood said pearl necklace what else what else get her a ring we

get her a ring engagement ring get her a promise ring that's what we're gonna get her a promise

ring quarter carat promise

yeah yeah the plastic ones that you bend the bendy necklaces yeah all right

another one while that one's uh gets ready here we're gonna let her stew for a little bit

where is it at that's in washington state so it's only 8 50 for that we might be able to call

up until nine yeah let's do one quick one here we'll call her back let's i'm going to call spuds

pizza parlor or did we do that or did we do that one yeah that's the one we just called i'm sorry

yes i'm sorry quick trip sparty's pizza that's another one i got here or what are you what did

you see there oh so there's some quick trips from sheep let's call quick trip yeah where's

Sounds like a gas station.

Yeah, we've got three of them.

We've got the sheets also.

All right, well, let's call Quick Trip.

All right?

You going to take that one?

Sure.

All right, cool.

Quick Trip it is.

Good luck.

Do they even sell basketball cards at gas stations anymore?

I wonder.

I haven't seen any in a long time.

The regular season just started.

What's a basketball card?

Basketball.

That was still Topps, wasn't it?

Topps and Upper Deck.

No, I don't think there were any Topps.

What's Upper Deck?

Upper Deck is a card.

It was a card, basketball card, a sport car company.

oh yeah upper deck uh fleet or no fleer right and then you had there was another one too some

fleet cards yeah they really did some skeet cards tops were the really cheap ones some skeet cards

were worth like pennies i remember i used to collect them as for skeet cards upper deck

was the most expensive because it made less skeet cards yeah all right anyway if we had a card shop

we should do some basketball card calls back oh we got denny's too man don't forget denny's home

I like Denny's.

The Grand Slam, remember?

The store that killed the breakfast dad would.

We can call and ask for a home run breakfast.

How much are the home run breakfasts?

Is that the one that's like $3.99?

Which one is that?

The Great American or something?

There's like a $3.99 one.

I haven't been to a Denny's in forever, man.

We got IHOP.

Grand Slam.

Bring out the phone.

You're so stupid.

That's the one.

You're so stupid.

You always hit a fucking button.

God damn it.

The Grand Slam.

Fucking moron.

All right.

All right, let's call a quick trip, man.

I'm getting really fucking tired of this idea.

It's called the Grand Slam.

I'm doing this as a favor to Zolar because I owe Zolar some money,

and this is where it gets me.

I got fat fingers over here messing up all the calls

and eating all my Taco Bell food.

Zolar, I don't have any money.

I need some more.

Can you give me some Taco Bell?

I'm kidding.

No, I offered to get it.

I actually had it.

$10 worth of Taco Bell is like a lot of food.

Yeah.

No, it was.

I ate three of the same.

He had $7 worth of food.

I had $3 worth of food.

I ate three.

He had a burrito, a soft taco, and a hard taco.

Oh, I thought I had eight.

No, you had seven.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, sure, sure, okay.

You were counting them?

I was like, okay, this is number six.

I got to make sure I get my $10 worth.

All right, sorry.

Quick trip, everybody.

More music here.

Let's play some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

This is old stuff.

Before Artie was even around, before he was a sperm.

Oh, no, baby, how you doing today?

Get on gas.

We're not allowed to tell it on the phone.

I'm sorry?

I've got hot dogs.

I've got to get some for my children.

I've got lots of hot dogs.

Do you have at least five?

I'm sorry?

Do you have at least five?

What's wrong, baby?

You don't speak Yvonne.

At least five hot dogs ready to be eaten.

Hot dogs?

Yeah, we've got hot dogs on our grill.

You got at least five ready?

Because when I was in last time, you only had two, and they said they had enough.

I had some for my children.

Yeah, there's about 15 up right now.

Okay, baby.

I'll see you soon.

Tell me how much your gas is over the phone.

No, ma'am, that's against federal trade regulations.

We're not allowed to do that.

Oh, no, baby Jesus.

I wouldn't want to do something like that and make you be illegal.

I can get in trouble for that.

Okay, I'm sorry, baby.

No problem.

You come back.

Hey, what's your name?

Come see you and get some gas.

Come see Eric.

He's a midget?

He's not a midget.

All right.

Artie just threw his shirt on me, and it smelled like B.O.

It smelled just like he looks.

I'm not kidding you, man.

Man, he just took his shirt off live on cam here.

He told him he couldn't do that last week.

No, but he threw the shirt on me, and it actually does smell bad.

He does smell bad, everybody.

Just want to report, his clothes smell bad.

makes, yeah, I'm kind of like, I got a feeling in the back of my throat.

Is he wearing T-back, too?

What's going on there?

No, he's got decent feet.

Get your, don't, don't, do not pull your pants down in front of me, motherfucker.

You will never come back again.

All right.

Nick says they have egg rolls and corn dogs there, too.

Well, that's nice.

Shrek is asking, are we live tonight?

Are we live tonight already?

What's the status?

No, we're not live.

We're just doing the show for no one to hear.

Okay, good deal.

All right, so that's what we got.

Yeah, no, Syndicate, though, what's our, are we still on?

It looks like we're on.

I haven't seen chat.

There's no chat on there, though.

Actually, move your mouth away from the phone a little bit.

There's no chat.

There's no chat?

No.

We need to have Artie call that lady back now.

Artie.

Oh, wait a minute.

It's the 12 o'clock room fart, right?

Remember?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, let me fix that real quick.

My bad.

All right, we're working on that.

Shit, we've been off for about six minutes.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, Artie, you ready to do the call?

Put your shirt back on, for God's sake.

No, I think she'll like it if my shirt's off.

She's not going to know.

The acoustics for the room, it'll tell her she'll know.

It's going to slap off here, isn't it?

You've got to go to JustinTV.com,

but at Madhouse Radio, you can see who's calling her.

Exactly.

All right, yeah.

Ah!

God damn it.

All right.

Okay, here we go.

This is us.

Do you know who you're calling?

Let me get the shirt on.

Hurry up.

You got time?

Why are you taking your shirts off anyway, man?

Because I know everyone loves to see it.

Artie's taking his shirts off.

Only at his house.

I like urban people who add, you know, make everything plural.

Like, let's go to the Walmarts, yo.

Yo, yeah.

My mom's.

Yeah.

Yo, I'm going to drink some waters.

I like, you know, what gets me the most?

People who say ax instead of ask.

Oh, yeah.

Can I ask you something?

Or do you want a solid quota?

Okay, I'll fucking hang up real quick.

All right, yeah.

I had a manager.

Thanks, Artie, for hanging up.

You're working on that.

Keep working on that, boy.

You're getting there.

Good for you, Artie.

He hit number four that time.

I think it said number three.

No, it was three.

You're moving.

Oh, it was three still.

Okay.

All right.

Well, all right then, man.

All right.

Let's do this.

All right, Artie.

So, again, you're going to be calling.

You're going to order.

We're just going to do straight up two large, right?

Nothing crazy this time because she's on guard.

One large.

One large?

Yeah.

Okay, just one large.

And ask if they've got calzones or subs.

Get into that a little bit.

Don't go too deep.

This is like fishing here, okay?

And you've got to sound natural.

Just, like, pretend that you're...

Yeah, I'm really ordering.

Okay, you're really ordering.

And at the end, ask her if you could give her a quarter carat promise ring.

No, I got an idea.

You got an idea?

Yeah, I'll say that I...

Hold on.

Yeah, open up the phone there.

I'll say that I used the same credit card when I bought her that promise ring.

All right.

All right, all right, that's good.

All right, let's do that.

That's good.

Good work.

All right, hang up already so we can do the call.

Don't go anywhere, Hollywood.

We're going to have you up for this, too.

And at the end, we'll go, happy Halloween.

I think that'd be funny if the three of us just said, happy Halloween, just to her, because it's midnight.

It's a happy, this one goes out to Milkman.

It's his birthday, officially, now.

Happy birthday, Milkman.

Oh, we can just say, happy birthday, Milkman.

Yep, man.

All right, we'll be right back, folks.

I can't hear you.

I just can't hear you.

Can I help you?

Yeah, can I place an order, please?

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Can I place an order?

All right.

Yeah, I'll have, um, I'll have a large pizza.

Me and my friends are just hanging out and we just need something to eat.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

I'd like a large pizza.

And what kind of pizza would you like?

Um, just cheese.

Get someone else.

Just what?

Just cheese.

A large cheese pizza?

Yeah.

And do you have, like, sobs and calzones and all that shit?

I'm sorry, I really cannot hear you.

Do you have, like, sobs and calzones?

Do you have sobs?

Hello?

Yeah, I'd like to get a, um, sob.

Because you sound like someone else completely picked up that time.

That sounds like an older manager-esque woman.

She said, yeah, she's sending a little dark skin.

You're right, sir.

Not black, but she's sending a little, you know, little yellow.

Little yellow.

Bookish.

Is that racist?

Bookish.

Bookish sounds bad.

Yeah.

That bit sounds bookish.

All right, let's call, let's do one more.

I've got to take a break, Hollywood.

I've got to urinate and stuff.

I've got to blow my nose, as a matter of fact.

Okay, Denny's, if you're ready for that.

Mesa, Arizona.

You said you had an idea for a sandwich?

No, I was going to order the home-run breakfast.

Okay, that's right.

That's what it was.

All right, let's do that.

That's Denny's on Stately Main.

This is Maggie with a speech show.

Yes, Maggie, I'm going to place it.

I'm going to come pick it up.

Okay.

What would you like?

I would like to have, I'm trying to think of what the name of it was.

What is that one famous breakfast you have?

The Grand Slam?

No, I don't think that's what it is.

The one that you had that's famous?

The Grand Overnown.

Maybe it was like a home run.

The Heartland Scramble?

No, that isn't a home run.

No, we don't have anything home run.

Okay, maybe it was the Slider.

No.

Maybe it was the Pop Fly Breakfast.

I can't remember.

It was really good, though.

We don't have anything like that, honey.

You don't?

I know I went to that.

You're the one on Main Street, right?

Are you sure it was a Denny's?

Uh-huh.

Because we don't have anything like that on our menu.

Do you have a pot fly breakfast?

No.

What else on the, where did you say it was?

Pardon me?

Where did you say your famous one was?

The Grand Slam.

What's on that?

That's two pancakes.

Oh, that's not it.

Nope, nope, that's not it.

That's not it, no.

What's on it?

What's in it?

I remember there was some steak and some hash browns.

Well, we have a steak and eggs breakfast.

Steak and eggs?

Is that called like a, maybe a baseball park?

It's called Steak and Eggs.

We don't have any kind of side or home run thing, no.

Okay.

Well, here's the deal is I've been working all night, and I really need to find some food.

I will be there in about five minutes.

Can I have it ready?

Okay.

Then you can look at a menu.

Oh, no, I need food right as soon as I walk in because I haven't eaten all day,

and I'm really shaking right now, and I feel like I'm about to pass out.

Well, whatever you order, you can have within three to five minutes.

Three to five minutes?

Yes.

Oh.

So if you're not sure what it is you're looking for, it'd be better to look at a menu.

Okay.

Okay?

You don't have to be so mean about it.

We're not busy, so you can get it pretty fast.

Okay.

Like I said, you don't have to be so mean about it, okay?

Oh, honey, I'm not.

I'm not.

What's your name?

I'm Maggie.

Maggie?

Can you spell that for me?

M-A-G-G-I-E.

Oh, Maddie, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, because if you're unsure what you want, come in and look at a menu, and we can get it pretty fast.

Oh, I know what I want.

Do you have a Spanish guy working there?

We have several.

Okay, I'll have a job.

Do you have a fax machine?

I can send you a copy of the menu.

On my cell phone?

Oh, that would be great.

No, on a fax machine.

No, I don't want to eat a fax machine, no.

No, no.

I don't know how you do that.

No.

It's so funny.

Honey, um...

No, no, I was saying, if you have a fax machine, I can send you a copy of our menu.

Oh, there's a fax machine at the strip club, but I don't have one here.

I have my phone. Can you send it to my phone?

No, we can't send it to your phone, honey. I'm sorry.

Okay. Um, well, you sound kind of cute, Maggie. Um, how old are you?

Are you...

How old are you enough to be your mother?

Well, I mean, are you into, you know, girls?

No, I'm not. No, I'm not, honey.

Sorry.

Okay, well, maybe when you see me, you'll want my number anyway.

Okay.

All right, well, you come on in, and we'll take care of you.

Okay.

Oh, you will?

Personally?

No, with breakfast.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

All right, well, I was hoping maybe I changed you already.

I'll see you soon, baby, okay, sweet cake?

Okay.

All right.

Bye-bye.

All right, baby sweet cakes.

That was funny with the fax machine.

I don't want to eat a fax machine.

no no

I don't want to eat

a fax machine

you gotta love

Summer Big Johnson

yeah

I'll tell you

I'd hit that

about Hollywood

to place a call

press 1

to listen to your

recorded call

press 2

hang up the phone there

to add minutes

to your card

to add minutes

using a

thanks Sausage Fingers

appreciate it

you can pick it up

again now

Mr. calling you

tight shoes

what's up

tight shoes

now he doesn't

want you to

pick it up too

oh man

Are we back?

We're good in Syndicate?

Is the machine working?

No, fuck it.

You fucks in Syndicate.

Damn it, get it right.

Okay.

Get the fuck out.

Get it right.

All right, everybody.

Are we going to take a break or are we just going to run the show off?

I think we're going to run it.

Until 1230?

To the fucking ground.

I said 1245.

We got another half hour.

Okay, half hour then.

Well, it's 20 after.

25 minutes.

Maybe I can go on until 1.

I don't know.

Well, fuck it.

Fuck it.

Yeah.

What's the thing?

We'll do it live.

Fuck it.

alright Hollywood

thanks for calling in man

you got it

you got it man

talk to you later

alright

I really called in back

what was that

the um

the pizza place

yeah

they put

I'm sorry I got your mic there

we got a um

we got a problem

cause they put some other lady

to answer the phone now

yeah that fucking cunt

and that fucking bitch

did we ever get

an international card

milkman I put you in charge

of that what happened

just use fucking Skype

fuck

let's call

from our cell phone

alright

uh huh

my ears are itchy

okay we're gonna call

It's from her cell phone

Her own cell phone

Is going to call

Her home phone

And she's going to be like

What the hell

And he's like

I got your cell phone lady

That's why

Let's play some

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Maybe not

Let's play Red Man

Hang on

Hang on, hang on. Let's explain this to Artie.

We had Hollywood. Hollywood's a married man, so he could have attested this.

Tuck, I don't know what your experience with the ladies.

Let's not presume things with you, of course.

Or Milkman over there, of course, might be able to tell.

But I know we do have some women who are probably listening right now that they can tell us.

Don't all women, is there a woman out there who would turn down sex after getting a pair of diamond earrings, diamond studs?

Well, we can't see the chat, damn it.

No.

We keep...

It's not in their DNA.

It's not in their blood structure.

Something about diamonds and women, Artie, I'm telling you, they just...

It will never happen.

Oh.

Women just love diamonds.

I think there's a woman...

Is there a woman in the chat room?

Ellie's in there.

Let us know, Ellie.

Yeah, let us know.

Ellie's in there.

And isn't Aya a woman also?

I think Aya's a woman.

There's another listener that goes in the chat sometimes.

There's a woman also.

It's not live down or something.

It's just...

It's not doing shit.

It's not doing anything.

thing i i refresh it i maybe this is not people that maybe no one's chatting in there no but

you're not live let me check i think we are dude no you can't go live look oh it doesn't give you

the option at all huh yeah it must have crashed now i've just crashed that's all can't do nothing

about it man i know fuck it we're doing it live regardless okay apparently it is working it's

audio only right now apparently dude i had to kill it because it was doing oh you got it okay

so what are we doing again we're doing a prank call i don't know who are we calling taking a

break doing the call we're talking about your um okay earrings isis there's someone with enough

self-respect not to lose lose lose their panties over jewels some women but not well i mean that's

a very few maybe rich women who'd be like oh kind of thing but most women are into stop moving the

mic god damn it jesus christ he's stroking the mic like it's his penis god come on all right

He just cuts you off, bitch.

You don't use the electronic equipment that way, sir.

Exactly.

The audio equipment is to be used in a proper manner only.

Tuck's at work.

He has an Echo.

He works, he's actually, he broadcasts this at a bowling alley.

You know that?

He does?

He does.

Tuck, you're the DJ at the bowling alley, right?

You're over there at the lanes.

What's it called?

What lanes is it?

Leverage Lane.

Yeah.

There's people live over there.

We're sitting right now.

Yeah, he's behind the booth right now.

He broadcasted all the people bowling.

What's up?

Yeah, they call in all the time.

Allie's bowling right now.

Art of Glass, coming at you right now.

Yeah.

You're at Blue Ball Lanes?

Blue Ball Lanes, that's right.

You have six minutes left?

No, I got 26 minutes left, son.

Hello, you have reached.

Hello.

Hello, is this...

I found this cell phone here.

It says home on this number here.

Are you the owner?

Owner, do you know who owns this number that I'm calling you from?

No, I don't.

Do you have caller ID on your phone machine?

I do.

Can you maybe look and see if it shows you the name that it's coming from,

or maybe you recognize the number?

I'm trying to see who owns this number, and you're in their mailbook there.

This is the third call I've gotten late tonight.

I'm really upset about this.

Someone here has given me this phone.

I mean, I found it.

I'm trying to see if I can notate who exactly this phone belongs to.

Please, this could be, I mean, it's private personal property of somebody.

I am trying to return it.

All right.

Oh, my God.

Please, please.

This is a cell phone number that is my cell phone, but this is, I don't know how you got that number.

Well, I, this, I'm calling the number.

I don't know what it is.

It says.

You're calling the number.

I'm calling.

Where did you find the phone?

I found it on the, in the gas station.

It was underneath.

Underneath, you know when you go in the gas station where you get stuff in the cooler

and it was underneath one of those things

and I gave it to the lady, the attendant in the front when I was checking out

and she said, no, it's not my responsibility.

I don't take it, this and that, this shit and that, and da, la, la, la.

Where did you find the phone?

Where?

At the gas station.

What gas station?

Sheets, the Sheets station.

The convenience store?

Where is that located?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but...

Where is the...

I'm sorry, but I think that you're being threatening to me.

Maybe I shouldn't be giving you this information.

You know, maybe this is a mistake.

Maybe I need to call somebody else, or maybe...

Maybe...

Are you the person that took this from this person, this phone, and they called you last?

Do you know who stole this phone?

No, I don't.

Someone here is making a joke, ma'am, and I don't appreciate this whatsoever.

Where did you find the phone?

I told you already.

I found it in a convenience store, and I think someone suspicious had the phone.

What city?

I don't need to give you this information, ma'am.

I think you're involved with this, and I'm going to have a nice, I'm going to sit down and talk.

I'm going to sit down and talk with the owner of this phone when I find out who it is,

and we're going to get to the bottom of this.

That is not fair, ma'am.

If you're involved with whoever stole this phone from that person's owner, when I, I'm going to.

To place a call, scrap one.

To listen to your recorded.

Call me hard.

Press.

The fuck you doing with my phone, bitch?

Bitch?

Okay.

Okay, so I was going to play a prank call on a break,

but it says we're not going to take a break.

Maybe I should just play it now instead.

We can take a mini break here, a 2-minute and 34-second break.

Is it 1130 or 1230?

It's 1224, actually.

This computer, I don't know, it's retarded.

I think there's something wrong with the CMOS battery or something.

No, my computer keeps switching to an hour earlier.

Oh, really?

You know why?

Why?

Your computer is in patch for the new Daylight Savings Time.

It was supposed to change, normally it used to change last weekend, I think.

But two years ago, George W. Bush signed that law where they changed it until November something, I think.

Well, it caused me to call people like at midnight instead of 11.

Yeah, well, you know, the responsibility is on you, sir, young man, to make sure that you're dialing at the right time.

You can always call 411 and ask them what time is it, and they'll tell you.

Call 911 and ask the time.

This is Robin.

How may I help you?

I'm sorry.

Is this Robin?

Yes.

Robin, did I leave my USB drive over there?

It looks like a USB drive.

It's small.

And on the one hand, it has this light.

And on the top, it says, send this.

And on the other hand, it has this thing.

And you put it in the USB, and it goes boop, boop.

And then it goes in.

And the files go from the drive.

Yes.

And you put them in the computer.

So what color is it, and where did you leave it, and when?

And then I left-click like this, and then it comes on the screen, and then you make the file.

The printer goes in this, like this paper.

I make the paper come out.

Who is this?

This is Robin.

When did you leave this jump drive here?

Maybe earlier today.

I don't know.

What color is it primarily, and what size is it?

Maybe it's white.

It's white?

Do you have anything in the lost or found?

That's mine.

That's the one that the guy said.

That's mine.

The one.

Yeah.

That's my USB drive.

Give it to me.

What one?

The one that I lost.

I don't know.

I haven't looked unless I've found it yet.

I need to know these things.

Do you have the combination to the USB drive box?

I'm sorry?

Do you have the combination to the USB?

The combination to the USB drive box?

Yes.

Or you put the USB drives that people forgot and that people keep,

and then you sell them again.

Okay, so what color is your jump drive?

It's white, maybe.

White, yeah.

Maybe or no.

Is it black?

Is it white?

Is it red?

Is it blue?

What color is it?

And I need to know what size it is.

What color do you have?

Maybe it's white.

No, no, no.

Sorry, sir.

That's not the way it works because there are many people that leave their jump tires here on accident.

Huh?

And we only go by what they tell us it looks like.

Well, I need...

Because if I say it looks like this, you say, oh, yeah, that's mine.

It should not be yours.

You understand?

I need like a one gigabyte drive.

You need one or you have one that's lost?

Well, it's lost.

I need it back.

Okay.

Well, you can come in because we have several.

That's mine.

Give it now.

You can come in and take a look at it.

No, no, no.

You need to give it.

Did you find it?

Did you tell me yes or no?

We have several jump drives.

You have all.

You have several of my jump drives.

Okay, I want to come, and I would like you to give me my USB drive.

Okay, you can come in and tell us you have your jump drive while I'm here,

and then we'll give it to you, okay?

Thank you.

Pamela, hello.

So, of course, I give Artie graciously some orange Jell-O,

and he drops it on the floor and stains the carpet on it.

i'm eating green jello here sugar-free that is oh sugar-free that's why i'm stuck

bullshit you saw it was sugar-free you can't read either ken you can't dial phones and you can't

read i can dial bring your own jello next time fat fingers tight shoes it's 12 30 i said we

end the show i think we've done our job here i think so i think so too milkman milkman where's

the milker you're gonna get shot one day for saying that word so much man you're mentioning

that to me but seriously so yeah hardy i recommend you buy a girl like an eighth eight carat one

eighth carat diamond ring studs or maybe quarter carat diamond ring stud diamond diamond diamond

diamond earring the ring is a little weird diamond earring studs i'm saying get her that

and uh definitely you're in there man you're in like flynn and that always said flynn was like

the biggest poonhound that's what i'm saying already when we're gonna go to vegas man my 21st

birthday yeah so what's up 21st birthday we're gonna take a trip to vegas yeah with about 50

grand jesus christ where is milkman milkman man start talking i'm gonna have to end the show

without you is he let me check if he's muted i don't think he is i didn't mute him if he's muted

it wasn't because of me let me check no i've been talking he's been on ignorance for a while man

ignoring me ignorance what's up man end the show for us my friend take us out of here as only you

You can, brother.

That way.

Hey.

Everybody stop in.

I'd like to thank everybody out there.

Fucking loud.

For taking the moment.

Huh?

To twisty.

Yay.

My 87th birthday.

Thank you so much.

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.

Because I'm eating everybody's candy corn and candy and cakes and presents.

But really, thanks a lot for tuning in, everybody.

We do love you.

And we do.

We're going to find a small one.

I'd especially like to thank our friend, Mr. Lonesome Loser.

The number's hitting nine.

That's right.

The man with all the numbers out there.

You got to get you done.

God love you, Lonesome Loser.

All hail, this hell to high.

That's right.

I'd also like to thank our good friend, Kid, Kid, Kid, WWWeb.

Thank you so much, my friend.

We love you.

We sure do.

Where's he been?

I haven't seen him in life forever.

Where is he?

I don't know, man.

He's just like, I don't know.

No, he was with me in my old house, and then I had an airplane for a while.

Yeah.

Well, he's paying the bills still because we're still on the satellite here.

I know, man, but my God, there must be like 500 game rooms on our server, man.

I don't know how in the hell it can hold it, but hey, thanks a lot, Deb, Deb, Deb.

Yep.

We sure do love you.

Also, yeah, I'd also like to thank our good friend.

That's right.

Hey, Milkman, I threw an empty gallon bottle of water at Artie's head, and it went...

And it felt good.

Happy birthday, Milkman.

Yeah, happy birthday.

He was filing his nails over here, and all of a sudden I belted him with an empty public spring water.

What the fuck are you doing?

Right in the fucking jugular.

Oh, God.

All right, go ahead, Milkman.

How bad did you dent the milk jug?

Yeah, no, poor milk jug.

It's a water jug, that milk.

That's right.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, Mr. Noonoo, thank you for joining us, buddy.

We sure did weird.

There's an A&B out there by some reason.

Mr. A&B did send in our gun.

A lot of times we don't talk a lot.

Gow!

Unfortunately, we didn't have an international car.

So if we get an international car, we're going to have to start with the stuff we do next week.

That's what we'll do.

Gow!

Mr. Tuck Tuck, Tucker Tucker, Monkey Tuck, my buddy Tuck.

Thanks a lot, buddy.

Good to have you in there.

Also Baz

Happy birthday to you

Yes sir

Happy birthday woman

Thank you

And Mr. Baz

Mr. Clay

And we had a bunch of other friends

Hey

I also like to thank

All of our friends over there

Send a cake to this radio

And Mr. Artie

Mr. Farty Smarty

Glad you got to join us

Man, I hope you had fun.

No, you didn't.

You're my favorite, whatever you do.

The what?

Okay, anyway.

But, no, really, it's all about you.

Actually, you, that's right, you right there.

Who, me?

No, me, that's right.

You are the loving, dedicated listeners, the appreciators of Madhouse.

That's right.

You know what?

We do it every week for you, the most interactive, crazy prank and comedy show

that you can tune in to right here on the Internet on the Mouth,

on 8.6 Mouth Radio Network, Galaxy Satellite Channel.

Tune right in every week.

Bring a friend.

Invite an enemy.

That's right, because we love you all.

We do it for you.

And don't forget, we'll be back on next Thursday.

Oh, here are fellows.

Leader, the generalissimo.

Are we not?

Oh, that's right, the leader of the militia.

And all you militia members, we're going to convene for a small board meeting here after this show goes off the air.

After the air is off.

If you'd like to get involved and come into some of the Madhouse meetings, just message Carlito and let him know.

All right, Milkman Rapido.

Come on, man.

We've got to go.

I've got to take a shit and eat the sandwich.

There you go.

All right.

I wanted to mention.

I wanted to mention there, Big Milkman, I went to the Nature Foods store, and I bought this product.

It's two little bags, right?

And what you do is you make a sandwich, and you put your sandwich in these special nylon kind of plastic bag things.

And then you put the bags inside the toaster, like a regular toaster that you hold up.

And then you turn on the toaster, and it makes the sandwich all grilled inside your toaster.

because I don't own one of those, you know, those toaster ovens.

I don't own one.

Do you have a dog over there, Milkman?

Where are you?

Are you at Sweet Kiss's house again?

I think he's at the Chinese restaurant.

No, man.

I'm listening to you.

Keep on.

You're talking about the toaster oven.

Yeah, you can make sandwiches in the toaster, not in a toaster oven,

just the regular toaster, the one that's straight up and down toaster

that you hit the thing, you go down.

It's these bags that don't catch on fire, and they toast it for you.

All right, Milkman, we're going to end the show because you're being a jerk.

all right that's why he's being a dick he's being a jerk person

all right my pumpkin hey we love y'all man thanks for ellie three kisses all our friends are joining

oh hey welcome back matt and mark it's like the monkey phone bones man motherfucker jupin friends

all right good holidays all right all right thanks tuck happy birthday uh uh milkman uh

tucker mike.com is the website be sure to check that out thanks for sending in the music from the

juke kids all right all right all right all right and we're done we're out of here i might be

sending you more music yeah send me whatever did he send you a copy a physical copy or did he send

you a mp3 copy of it mp3 copy okay uh if anyone wants it you have to get it from me okay i'll

forward it to you cool it sounds cool i like it i'm gonna play it this holiday weekend in honor

Honored Milkman.

We're out of here, folks.

We'll catch you next week.

Thank you, Artie.

Of course, Artie, thanks for coming in, you bastard.

Yeah, I love it, homie.

Yeah.

I am bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

My feet feel so hard to get started.

Fuck you, bitch.

I'm a fucker.

You better have your pencils ready.

Number two.

...you have used to dial are too fat.

To obtain a special dialing wand, please match the keypad with your palm now.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you, fucking painless dick!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (16, 52 min of 2 h 1 min)

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