2008-12-01 Show

Do I need the drug test to come in?

Yes, sir.

There might have been something passed around that I might have taken a few hits.

How long would it take for that to get out of my system so I could pass the exam?

Sir, you're not serious about this, are you?

At a speed, the Postmaster's General.

Who the fuck is this?

Fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The motherfucking prick!

Okay, we're here.

Tuck, you there?

Yeah.

Tucker's here.

Carlito, it is Monday morning, 9.15 a.m.

just about 9 10 9 15 9 10 a.m according to my clock machine up here and we are going to do some

some prank calls at 9 10 a.m uh tuck the earliest show i have ever done sir are you usually up this

early tuck are you making an exception is the what i don't know cock crowing no no cocks no

No gogs.

Are you Eastern Central Time or Central Central Time?

What's your time zone there, sir?

Central Central Standard.

Central Time Standard is yours.

All right.

So it's 8 a.m. where you live.

Are you usually up at 8 a.m.?

Is that a normal thing for you?

Do you do Pilates in the morning?

Oh, wow.

Well, thank you for making an exception.

I'm drinking a zero-carb Rockstar.

it is blue in color you see what you gotta understand ladies and gents who are not listening

and watching live but will be listening and watching this later um i have mondays off now

but i do usually get up at eight o'clock at seven o'clock in the morning uh or actually usually i

get up around six o'clock in the morning six six fifteen to uh go to work you know get ready and

all that but i have mondays off i work i traded mondays off uh to work saturdays i make ten

10% more on Saturdays.

It is much easier to work that day.

And Athena works anyway on Saturday mornings.

So it's not like we're going to do anything.

So by the time I get home from work is the time she gets home from work.

And then we have our Saturday evening.

So today's like my Sunday, to be honest with you.

I do have a lot planned for today.

That's why we're extra early.

It's 9 a.m.

But I did bring with me here.

I did get last night in my local paper.

And I want to make a point here, Tuck.

Take a look at this.

this is section e or the orlando sentinel the career builder section as they call it this is

that the want ads now last week i had shown everybody how it was only uh one two three four

was only six pages with one page of ads uh this week it is just one flap this is all that came

it is one piece of paper for all the want ads here in central florida that's how bad things are

right now and this is straight from a week ago oh well here's the better news if you look if you

you take a look here now there's light shining through but this is one whole page of it oh hang

on i'm holding it backwards i forgot to move the camera and these are all huge ads um right there

for uh you know there's one big one down here with several jobs but they're huge it covers

about an eighth of the page and then the rest of it is filled with big um ads for specific people

Yeah, and these are big ads here for education, for schools.

You have to work in this place before you even think about applying for this particular university before you even apply.

And then if you're with another university, you have to have a bachelor's and whatever before you can even think about even picking up the job.

Exactly.

And then more of the same on the whole back page as well.

all you got the it academy herzing college hands-on short-term training from the central

florida institute for medical assistance x-rays uh they got criminal justice justice at everett

university these are all huge ads on the back so basically the job listings are on a page and a

half so things are pretty bad right now like for example i remember the customer service section

took up a whole panel

back in the day

when I was 21, 22 years old.

Now there's only two listings

for that right there

for customer services.

Two listings.

That's it.

Clerical office services.

Employment is so good

it's because no one is fucking hiring.

Yeah, well the clerical office services

I remember that for a fact

was always a whole page.

There's three listings in that.

One of them you must be licensed.

and we live in orlando which is the tourism section you know the tourism one of the tourism

capitals of the country not the tourism capital maybe it is i'm not sure but uh we're really big

on tourism and the attractions here in the attractions and entertainment section uh there's

two listings keep in mind we live in orlando with hundreds uh hundreds of hotels the uh it's

you know we've got a lot of the parks here that was always full with help wanted for the

the attractions and stuff like that.

Now SeaWorld is listed in there.

We had them down to give them a call.

SeaWorld's looking for line cooks, park operations.

What did the attractions thing have for it?

Weren't they over at the Motown or something?

The attractions.

The attractions?

You're asking what the attractions are in Orlando?

It's too early.

I'm drinking my coffee.

Sorry.

Are you asking what attractions are in Orlando,

or did I misinterpret that?

I thought you were a soul group from Motown in the 60s.

I'm drinking my coffee.

The attractions were a group.

That sounds like music I would like to listen to

The Attractions

That's cool though when they get introduced

You sound like you're on the other side of the room

I sound like I'm on the other side of the room?

The hell you say

This is happening again

You're on the other side of the room

You're still in the bed

You haven't got much in the mic yet

You're still

Shouldn't be

Do you hear loud snapping right now?

Yes

Was that really loud?

There's something going on with the audio

I don't want to say loud, but I think you can hear it.

Hmm. Interesting. Well, let me check my settings, make sure.

I think I see what might be going on here. There we go. Okay, now it should be fixed.

You hear music and shit now? There we go. There we are.

Alright, good deal. Good call. That was just affecting TeamSpeaks.

Well, thank you, Tuck, because I got a new set up here.

About ten days ago, I set up a new

new um i had a whole new setup that i created here which is what we're running on now

and last week on the thursday show we had a great show thursday night but the video archives didn't

record anything except for what you were hearing right now which was the cam mic that's all the

way up here i'm pointing at it right now because i installed a new camera and it took it upon

itself to change the drive uh the the settings in any application that uses the mic uh to use that

itself as the audio as opposed to the

studio sound so

slowly and slowly I was finding out

where that was happening and I'm hoping this is

the last one thank you Ted good call

I don't even know if there's anybody watching

you can reach me on AOL

and Yahoo Instant Messenger

Madhouse Radio I see Dino is

in the house I was expecting him to come

in here he usually comes in and cleans

Dino usually

comes in and he cleans out the house a little

bit he picks up trash

um you know this time inside the chat room he walks around you know he's he's got he's got one

of those brooms you know and then he's got one of those the handheld little boxes that you sweep

stuff into i used to use it when i worked at a grocery store i used to have to use that when i

was a bagger it's a little guy with a little yeah take on the end of the stick and dino's also

saying don't forget he also mows the lawn that's right he's also the landscaper around here i see

the landscapers sitting up outside what's up fellas what's up i got my windows are closed

right now i should open the windows you can hear cars going by i live on a pretty major road

they give it an effect like yeah we're live on location

dude if they come over make a rapist dino says lower it a little carlito i agree hang on let's

fix that here how do we do that is emmy supposed to be on right now let me know and i will get off

you know i just i wanted to do pranks on monday and this is the only time i can do it today

yeah that's what she said that's what she said i'm trying to get the settings to open up i'm using

using chrome hang on let's see i should be able to fix that here should be coming up a little

less loud now let me know if this sounds better this is a little less intense we don't want to

be we don't want to be too fucking intense dina says good all right good all right now we're not

That's so intense, baby.

I just want to let you guys know, if you're listening on the podcast,

if you're one of the three people, who's, how many people we got?

We got 16 on Syndicate, good deal.

Nice, strong, healthy bowels over there.

And then we got three on Madhouse.

Wow.

So we're doing a show for 16 people live.

But the millions and millions of the Carlitos fans who will be listening later on,

I did put up some new videos, Tug, in our YouTube channel.

a whole bunch of pranks from our show from last monday afternoon which uh was was was bang it was

a bang show bing bang show all right so look let's do some pranks right now we're wasting time and i

gotta be out of here by 11 11 o'clock i have just enough time to jump in the shower and uh and get

out of here all right so look we've got jobs for ac service techs anyway what we're doing here we're

going through the the uh the employment section here which came out last yesterday all these

these people all these phone numbers are going to be in a call this is the early time if i were

looking for a job i'd talk this is the latest that i would make a phone call now the first one i

wanted to do here this is uh we've got physicians wanted sign on bonus medical practice in jacksonville

florida top pay nine to ten patients per day no nights no weekends no call no hospitals and call

and it gives a toll-free number so apparently um they're looking for doctors so i think it's time

It's time for Dr. Nargis to go ahead and give a call.

I'm going to actually do the voice change as well to make it sound like the real Dr. Nargis.

Hopefully, they don't just straight up hang up.

But we're going to have a lot of fun here.

Whenever you are listening to this, we go through these want ads.

And last week was great.

I got into arguments with telemarketers that I wanted a job, demanded a job.

We've got jobs here.

Let me run real quick.

We've got a position.

SeaWorld here in Orlando

is hiring for cooks

and food service attendants

and operation hosts

we've got AC techs

we've got alterations

like tailors

do they make seafood?

I'm sure they do

sushi

yeah SeaWorld

they have the best

oh they have the sushi bar

tuck

no lie dude

they have the sushi bar

oh they really

oh dude

this place

tuck

this place man

you go to

in SeaWorld

this is

it's called Sharky's

if you ever go to

SeaWorld in Orlando

anyone who's listening

watching as you go. You take your ass to Sharky's.

I've got to hit Orlando

here in the next year or so.

My favorite attraction,

I don't like SeaWorld that much. It's kind of meh.

But it's got a couple of really cool roller coasters.

However, the first thing you do

when you get to SeaWorld, you take your ass to Sharky's

and you make reservations for

whenever you want to take a break during the day.

Let's say you decide, okay, we're going to go

four hours and hit a few rides

and do a few shows and then we're going to take a break

for lunch or

or a brunch or something, whatever you decide to do,

and then you make your reservations for that time

at this restaurant called Sharky's.

It's in the middle of the park in SeaWorld, okay?

This place is a sushi bar slash restaurant.

It's family-friendly, but it's right at the Shark Encounter,

which is, I don't know, it's famous,

where it's like a little motorized walkway

that goes through this big shark tank that's all around you,

and the sharks are swimming with you and stuff like that.

Well, the restaurant has the same view.

it's a big wall and you see all the sharks

like just swimming around you

and then all the tables are

aquariums and there's fish swimming

inside the tables and then

outside of it there's nurse sharks that you can actually

pet and stuff like that like there's sharks that

that look ferocious but actually

they have no teeth they're breeds

that are not aggressive

and you can actually pet the sharks and everything

it is really cool I highly recommend that

Milkman is checking in Milkman if you're here

tune in because I'm on now

he's at work

he says

alright well cool

maybe a

milkman might be

able to tune in

he can talk

well yeah

get in the team

speak

get in the team

speak sir

we are on

and we're live

right now

ok so that's

anyway my

recommendations

when you go to

SeaWorld

ever do that

I'm a con in

Orlando again

sometime early

in the year

you've told me

about it before

oh Tuck

you know

I reminded myself

I haven't even

moved on that

at all

but I was

thinking that

we should do

a Madhouse

live show

there's two

comic book

conventions

within a

month of

each other

it was the

FX show

which is actually collectibles and comics and toys and gaming.

And that's in late January.

And then the next month, usually about three or four weeks later,

is Megacon, which is a huge comic book convention that's here in town.

And I always see, you know what gets me, man,

is I see internet radio stations that get kiosks there, right?

And all they're doing is sitting there.

Every time I've gone, there's an internet radio station,

you know, whatever it is.

and they've got their kiosk

and it's two dudes just sitting there

with a few flyers.

I'm like, fuck that.

You know what I'm going to do?

What I want to do,

what my dream is to do with this

and I want to make this happen.

Will has already volunteered.

We're going to get some wireless mics, okay?

We're going to broadcast live in our booth.

We're going to have a banner that says Madhouse Radio

and I'm going to be there

and at least somebody else

and we'll try to get our guys to team speak

like we normally do.

And then what we're going to do,

we're probably can't do pranks

because I don't think we can get a phone line working out there,

but we can get internet for sure.

So in that case, what we're going to do is just do a show there live.

You don't have to be talking to all the people around you.

Yeah, because, dude, if you're doing a radio station,

if you're a radio station and you're out there promoting yourself,

if you're just going to sit there,

you might as well sit there with your thumb up your ass

because no one's coming around them or anything like that.

I'm going to do the show live there on the floor,

and I'm going to have the speakers pointing out so people can hear it.

and uh will who used to co-host his show used to used to he's too busy now but he's going to go out

with a wireless mic and you got to understand they've got tons of celebrities that are sitting

there doing signings like george takei was there last year and eric estrada was there and they had

a bunch of people from all the different sci-fi shows bad star galactica the old star trek the

new star trek horror movies stuff like that the guy that the guy that played um the england guy

the guy that played

Freddy Krueger

he was there

they had a few

of the Star Wars guys

well his name is England

isn't his last name England

you know what I'm talking about

Freddy Krueger

the original

Freddy Krueger

oh Freddy Krueger guy

yeah

Robert England

Sir England

isn't he a sir or something

I don't know dude

but seriously though

we should do a

fucking live show from there

he should be now

he should be now right

Emmy Rose says

Robert England

see I was right

so I'm a bitch

Emmy Rose is showing us

a picture of the dead

in South Park version.

That is very nice.

Emmy, can you upload that somewhere

or email it to me?

MadhouseRadio at gmail.com.

I would love to have that.

Let me know if it isn't already.

Just shoot me a link.

A South Park version of the dead.

It's very accurate, actually.

You should go into the syndicate room

if you can and look at it.

It's very funny.

Forward it to me, please.

All right.

As soon as I get it,

you will have it next, my friend.

And there it is.

Okay, dude.

So anyway,

you want to do SeaWorld first?

I got concrete jobs here.

We got jobs for drivers.

Here's one that doesn't make any sense.

This one is called...

This one says finisher, DR, DRW, high-end.

That's what the job is.

I don't know what a finisher, DR, DRW.

Sustains paints and glazes.

So I'm just going to call in and say I'm an experienced finisher, DR, DRW, high-end.

I'm a high-ender.

Milkman, let's call him Milkman because he's going to have a diarrhea fart here.

Do they still have Epcot?

Yeah, Epcot is actually really cool now.

Epcot is really cool right now.

Dude, they have a lot of cool rides.

They've got Mission to Space.

You know the old classic at the fair?

They have the Gravitron, you know, it's that cylinder that spins really fast

and you feel the gravity, you know what I'm talking about?

Well, what they do, they've got a huge one,

but the interior is set up like, it's almost like you're inside a rocket.

Like you would think you're in some kind of NASA kind of rocket thing.

Hello?

Hello, hey, what's going on?

Don't start with the drama, okay?

Milkman, we don't need that now.

We're on the air, all right?

So I'm talking about Epcot.

Yeah, we're good.

Milkman, how are you doing today?

You're at work already?

Yeah, man, I'm already at work.

What time do you work until?

Three o'clock.

Okay, do you know what a finisher DR-DRW high-end would be?

There's a job posting here for finisher slash DR slash DRW space high-end.

that's like

I don't know

it says stains

paints and glazes

and it has a phone

number to call

that's carpentry

alright cool

that's like

cabinetry

and that kind of

thing there

a finisher

does the pages

of it

the staining

and whatever

varnishing

or shellac

or

oh shellacking

any of that

sort of

go and finish it

I'm going to

shellack it

hey Emmy Rose

yes

I do have

confirmation

I got your

email

thank you very

much

it popped up

on my screen

it had your

name

and it had

the subject

thank you

very much

send me that

That Grinch one, that was the one, there was a picture of Grinch

that's really funny. Milkman, I'll send it to you.

Take your Gmail, which you never do. You'll

coot. Alright, let me call this,

I'm going to call for that job, alright, Milkman? You hang

on the line, alright? Jump in if you feel like it,

too. If you can. I don't know, you're at work. I don't know

if, you know, it'd be... I'm not aiming

for shit for a little while, dude. You got my truck

for next two hours. You damn union

people. Milkman, you make me sick. I'll be

right back in a moment. Lazy, lazy

union, lazy union fart.

You just sit there. I'm on the union.

I'm going to send them off fat ass and make

double the money i should make because god damn it i'm in the union it is america's backbone

i got really good medical because i'm in the union i think i'm a shit i got a pension because

i'm in the union yeah fuck the union you know it's not that i have anything against union people

i wouldn't mind making the money and he's a union guy but how do i want to get into union you got

to know somebody you know the unions are set up for only white people to go in like milkman like

People like me and Tucker Ethnick aren't able to get into unions because you've got to buy yourself in.

You've got to buy yourself into the union, and that's not fair.

If anybody out there is in the union and would be willing to get me a job in the union anywhere,

wherever it is in the country, let me know.

You can email me at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

If you're a fan of the show and you want to help us out, why don't you go ahead.

If you work in the union now, preferably not trucking,

but any of the other unions I would definitely be into.

Let me know.

That's the dealer from UAW.

Workers are going to be taking some.

Hopefully.

I'll look out for that.

Yeah, the United Auto Workers, man.

Poor guys.

Yeah, poor guys.

We'll see, hopefully.

Well, no, the workers.

Milkman, you know, there's a difference between the corporate guys and the workers.

The workers are good people, and those are good, true Americans that work there in those unions, okay?

I mean, of course they are, and that's why I believe and I agree with those who say that we need to do something.

Yeah, it's sucky.

Yeah, it's a shitty thing.

It's a shitty pill to swallow.

We need to do something to help out the auto industry.

Yeah, we've got to get it done right, but we've got to remember,

a lot of people depend on those jobs, and we need to help them out.

Well, in that vein, let's go ahead and mess with some companies that are hiring.

Teach them a lesson to help out people out there.

We're going to call for a company job.

I hope you're ready, Milkman, because I am.

A little bit of Eric B. and Rakeem.

You know, I haven't heard anything from him.

Will he ever get a job?

He might tonight, Milkman.

Good point.

We'll see.

Today, today, I'm already screwing up.

Don't go anywhere, dude.

Mr. Millworks, how may I help you?

Good morning, lady.

How are you doing this beautiful morning?

Perfect.

How are you?

I'm great.

I'm ready for my next job as a finisher DR, DRW high end.

So what that is?

Yes, I'm a carpenter, and I have experience staining things and painting and glazing things over.

And I also use a kiln.

Okay.

I have a kiln that I own, and I glaze the stuff in the kiln also.

Okay.

What we're doing is we're accepting applications.

Right.

So you can send your resume by fax or by email to the operations manager,

and he's looking over them, and then he's contacting people and setting up appointments for interviews.

Do I get to use a hammer in this job?

I've been known to throw one or two.

No, but honestly, I just need to know because I use my own hammers and tools.

So I need to know when I have to get ready.

I'm going to bring it down to the interview, and I'm going to just show you.

I like my interview style.

I like to take control.

my interview styles I actually show you what I can do

so I'm actually going to build a bench and paint it right there

for you guys and I'm going to donate it

for you, you can put it inside or outside

the building or maybe you can just donate to a local

park or charity or something like that

and in the end

everything that you want to use to impress the

operations manager

and in the end what I do, it's a special thing

I have these special sharpies that have my email

address on them and it says

a very good glazer

and I give one to everybody and everyone comes

and we all sign it in Sharpie, the bench, wherever you want.

It's a small wooden bench that I glaze.

And after that, we have maybe a few cocktails,

and some of us have, we sit down on the bench and we take our clothes off.

You do?

Yes.

I've got work for you.

Well, I just want to be honest with you.

I'm not looking for a job.

I'm actually a motivational speaker, and this is something I do.

It's called the bench building.

It's a great way to get together.

Everybody there, all the employees get together.

We all share.

And the ultimate sign of that is when you actually disrobe yourself.

I see.

Right.

Well, I'll tell you what.

You send your resume in, and the operations manager will look at it,

and then if he wants to contact you at that point, that's his call.

Could I get the fax number, please?

Absolutely.

It's 352-343.

Okay.

All right, just a moment.

And your name?

Hit send.

Your name?

Do I have to hit pound to send it, or does it go straight through?

I'm asking you your name.

This is Jack Masterson.

And your phone number?

It's 407-459-4534.

Okay, no, you do not have to hit send.

Okay, hang on, let me go ahead and send it.

Okay, did you get the fax?

No, we lost a patient.

That was always fun.

That's always fun to do.

We send her a fax, and that's my idea of a fax is when you fart.

That was an interesting start.

Your technology is crazy.

Yeah, she was a little too nice.

She sounds kind of serious at the end when she gets my name and number.

She can call it back, though.

She's more than welcome to.

She's going to get...

You guys want to hear the message?

I love the message that we got for that number.

Those who are wondering what number I just gave out,

this is what you hear when you call it.

It'll come up in a second here.

In the meantime, let's see what else we got here ready to call.

We got laborers.

People who labor.

I got to cross off the one I just called here.

I do this straight up just like you would when you're looking for a job.

So that is a high end.

I'm going to take that off.

To the offices of Jack Valente, Ralph Littlejohn, Jack Masterson, and Edward Garcia,

who are currently closed, please leave a message for the on-call staff

and return a call back as soon as possible.

You may also call us on the next business day at 8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

I don't know why I hung up there at the end, but that's the number.

Are you an official?

Yeah, that's what you get when you call that number back.

so it's always interesting to i keep waiting for someone to leave a message you know saying i got

a weird call i did it because or his shit is always funny because he he doesn't care about

giving out his caller id which is crazy to me i don't understand how he does that but he gives

it out and then um he gets the voicemails and the callbacks so yeah if you call that number

you'll get the voicemail and then it's like a bait i just went there to hear a funny voicemail

from someone who's upset okay so we've got uh as i was saying we got concrete here we've got

executive driver uh low uh law firm seeks a professional say you know in this debate what

yeah law firm seeks a professional full-time driver 120 feet foot limo references needed

excellent package email or fax resumes to tim and he's got the oh dude hell yeah all right cool

we're gonna we're gonna be the executive driver here uh executive driver that sounds awesome you

know like i get to wear all the suit and a tuxedo you know what i mean do like ronnie the limo

driver oh shit i hung up on milkman milkman call back in stupid milkman call in call back in i

command it call call back in yo call back in move if you want to call in don't do it now because

milkman's calling in stupid call me call back in all right hurry up milkman no one's having a say

yeah there you go sorry about that milkman yeah yeah it was my fault i actually forgot

to connect you and then to cut you off as soon as we ended the call sorry my bad huh did uh did

Did Jack get the job?

Well, I faxed the resume and she hung up.

She didn't confirm if she received it, but she did get my name and number.

Fingers crossed, fingers crossed.

Did you send in Eddie Garcia's resume yet?

Eddie Garcia's resume?

No, that was Jack Masterson applying.

But we do have a position for executive driver.

Do you want to do an Eddie Garcia?

Do you think we should do that for the executive driver?

Where is that located at?

Executive limo driver here in Orlando.

handle basically i guess you um it's like a fancy a fancy limo driver you know for executives

ceo types you know joshua says hey i might be able to listen to the live monday show and

since i can stream audio from work what time is the monday show uh we are on now we are on now

be

sure you check Newy's private messages as well.

Is he sending?

Yes, he is.

I wasn't even paying attention to Nunu and his private messaging.

Let's take a look at that.

Oh, my God.

Guess who's sitting in that same chair at the Depot Diner.

Is he really there?

What was his name again?

What's the guy's name?

Edwin?

Was it Edwin or Edgar?

If someone remembers, let me know, or I can pull the audio here quickly.

Something like Edwin or Edgar or something like that.

Nunu might remember.

Tuck said that they took it down already.

It's no longer up.

They purged out the screen captures after, like, 24 hours, apparently.

so I got some of the pictures

but not all of them

I might be able to piece together

a little video diddy

edited

for today

yeah yeah

oh yeah the cam is up

yeah yeah

it's up now

Depot Diner

I see it

okay cool

Depot Diner

you see it there

so we're going to try

to give that a call

we had fun with them last week

is Hollywood around too

yeah Hollywood's up

Hollywood's here

is he paying attention

Hollywood dude

when Milkman has to go back

to work

eventually

we're going to have to

have you call in

maybe and help out

so Executive Driver

that's what I'm getting at

more prank calls

alright we got another

hour and 15 minutes here until I am at bingo time and I have to leave. So let's do that

now. Executive driver, everybody, don't go anywhere. Please keep listening to us and

donate underwear for Milkman because he likes to smell. Executive drivers, folks. Well,

it didn't say it was a fax number. It just says or. Fucking jerks. So, okay. That's a

fax one. Can't do that one. No executive drivers. All right, Milkman, let's see what

else we got here. I said before. He doesn't write. He doesn't phone. He doesn't fax.

We've got four people in the diner now.

Okay, we have two positions for air conditioning service techs.

We've got one for alterations, men's and women's clothing alterations.

Drivers, we've got a few for drivers.

We've got a concrete job, a van driver.

We've got two housekeeper jobs here.

That would be fun to do.

I could be like, housekeeping.

We've got a part-time job in the financial service industries, which sounds kind of shady.

I hate to hear your creed.

All right, and then we've got the tax preparer here as well.

We've got a nurse, oncology nurse.

What's oncology?

That sounds like they go in the ass for that.

Let's ask.

Let's see.

So, yeah, I've got experience going in the ass.

I can be an oncologist.

All right, Milkman, you want to do that?

Milkman, can you make weird noises in the background while we do that?

Let's just be goofy with it.

Are you able to do that?

All right, cool.

All right, don't go anywhere.

Milkman's going to make weird noises in the background while I talk about oncology.

Just a moment, folks.

We'll do Eddie Garcia next after this one.

Central Florida Careers.

Yeah, hey, I want to do that oncology nurse.

Pardon?

I want to do that oncology nurse.

Okay.

Yeah.

I got lots of experience with oncology and working with the ass.

So is that what oncology deals with?

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I'm most interested in your oncology position.

How can I get a resume faxed over to you?

Okay, never be a transfer.

Milkman, be serious about it now.

Milkman, talk seriously about it, okay?

It's a confuser.

You heard me?

This has got us on hold.

I'll clear that.

That's stupid.

I screwed it up.

A little too strong.

That's kind of funny.

What if you were sitting at work and some guy calls in for a job posting?

You're in HR.

The phone rings and you pick it up and the guy's like, yeah, I want to do that oncology nurse.

I put him on hold until he hung up.

Yeah, I want to do that oncology nurse.

You're like, okay.

You're like, oh, God, help me.

This is one of those.

This is going to be one of those Mondays.

All right, hey, we forgot.

Okay, Dr. Nargis is going to call.

There's a position in Jacksonville for a physician.

Physician one, it's sign-on bonus.

All right, so Dr. Nargis is going to call,

and I'm going to change our voice to be deep while we do it,

in an old classic Dr. Nargis way.

All right.

Forgot to change the voice, but no worries.

You've reached Joe Lanham with Visiting Physicians.

I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now,

but please leave your name, number.

I get your message.

You have not pressed an incorrect key to disconnect.

There's got to be a way to transfer.

To record your message, press 2.

No, it doesn't give you the option.

I'm not in the mood to be leaving messages.

All right, would someone please tell me what the guy's name is?

What is the guy's name?

The Depot Diner guy's name.

What was his name, guys?

I'm going to have to go to the YouTube page to find out,

or somewhere else, I guess,

to see if I can listen to it and find out what the guy's name was.

Because we didn't know.

Let me find it and listen to it.

I thought it was Edwin or Edgar or something like that.

What the hell was it?

Someone tell me.

Please, for the love of Jesus.

What is this?

Milkman.

Shit.

Hey, Milkman, sorry.

I keep forgetting to hang up.

I don't know why I keep doing that today.

I'm sorry, man.

I got a case of the Mondays.

You know, if I screw up, you just call back in, buddy, all right?

All right.

We got to talk to the guy.

We got to talk to the guy from last time.

The guy at the bar or the depot diner.

I can't remember his name.

Tuck's working on it.

Tuck, get me that name.

I really think it was Edwin or Edgar or something like that.

Let me think here.

Let's play.

Let's see if we can play the call.

It's going to take me a little bit.

it. Don't go anywhere, anybody. All right, so this is the guy we called last week at

a webcam train depot station. It was pretty quick in the call, pretty early where the

guy told us what his name was. But if you want to see the video of it, I'm queuing it

up now so we can remember this guy's name and ask for him. But this is a diner called

the Depot Diner. They're in a train stop somewhere, and I don't know where it is.

Hello?

Hello, this is the Depot Diner.

Yes.

Hi, can I speak to my dad? He said he was going to be in there tonight. I can't make

and my cell phone is not able to reach his.

Yeah, he's over there right now.

My mom said he saw him.

He was just there.

She just left a second ago, and then his phone isn't answering.

What's his name?

He's at the counter.

No, that's not him.

It's Hugh.

Can you tell Hugh to get on the phone, please?

There's nobody here at the depot.

He's in blue, and he's in a blue shirt.

He's there right now.

My mom just left there and said she saw him there.

His guy's name is Ernie.

Ernie, that's what it is.

Okay, we got it now.

You know what?

He's wearing the same blue shirt now, Milkman.

As a matter of fact, he's got a blue shirt on right now.

I don't think that guy showers or changes his clothes.

So what can we ask him to do?

He's at the counter.

We're watching him live on a webcam.

There's a little girl sitting behind him.

And I don't know.

I don't want to do anything crude.

But it would be funny because last time we got him to throw the phone,

the phone that he was talking on, we got him to throw it in the trash can.

He actually does it in the end.

Is he the guy there in the back?

He's the guy at the counter.

The big guy at the counter.

That's him right there.

He's very funny.

Very nice guy.

Let's talk to him.

We're going to call him right now.

Talk to him live.

Hang on.

Together.

Yeah, it was bad.

So now all I have is a machine and me,

but I thought maybe you want to share the machine with me.

Yeah.

All right.

Cool.

So why don't you come right now?

Okay, I will.

Okay.

Okay, will you bring me some, um, will you order me a hamburger?

Okay.

Can you tell him now before you go?

Because I want to tell him, you get him, tell him you need to order a hamburger for me.

Did I tell you?

Yeah, I'm going to pay you.

Tell the man that you're going to order something to eat.

And the phone?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Huh?

It's okay.

Go ahead and put the, uh, the phone, uh, go ahead and just throw it in the sink over there, okay?

Okay.

What was his name again?

What was his name?

I forgot it.

Ernie.

What's his name?

Yes, uh, is Ernie there?

Uh, who's this?

Uh, this is Frank.

Frank?

Yeah, Frank Valente.

Oh, hang on.

Hey, it's Jose. What's up?

Hello, Jose.

How you doing, man?

Good, good.

How's your morning so far?

Where you got planned today, buddy?

This morning, well, I need to wash my clothes.

Okay.

Hey, can you ask them to keep it down?

Downstairs?

Could you ask, no, the people there,

can you tell them to not talk loud, to be quiet?

Can you ask them for me real quick?

All right, thanks.

No, no, no, we'll stay there,

but tell the people next to you that they shouldn't talk loud.

Ask him to not talk loud.

Say, please don't talk loud.

There's nobody sitting next to me.

Okay, just tell the people, please don't talk loud.

Can you tell that guy not to interrupt and not talk loud, please?

Somebody sit by me.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay, so how you been, man?

So you're going to wash your clothes today?

You're going to use Tide or Gain or what are you going to use for the clothing?

Wash my clothes.

I got to get some money to wash my clothes.

Oh, you got to get money, too?

Are you going to sell yourself today or what do you got planned exactly?

You could look into maybe, you know, I heard at the train stop itself, there's a bathroom there.

And if a guy comes to the toilet

You tap your feet

And you might be able to get a few bucks that way

Well think about it buddy

Think about it

Did you want to go

Did you want to

Did you want to maybe come over

We can use the machine again

Okay

Alright

Well good deal

Okay

Alright hey could you

Could you do me a favor

Can you go ahead and put the phone outside

Can you go outside please

Cause I can't hear you

Can you step outside with the phone

Damn it

He hung up

Who hung up

Where's he going

He got wise to that one

Yeah

What's he doing

He's just sitting there now

He's looking around

He's like to shoot out for it

You know

Last week

He's looking around

Look at that

He's like

No I don't want to do it again

I don't want to get in trouble

I hung up on Milkman again

Oops

God Milkman

I'm sorry

I'm so stupid

I keep doing that today to you

You're holding the phone

He's still holding it

He just hung it up

Why didn't he go outside

He's sitting there looking like

What the fuck

Look at him man

He's talking now

He's like

Dude

The guy wanted me

To put the phone outside again

He just hangs out

Where the people go pay

Yeah

People

People come up to pay

And he's just sitting there

Hanging out

I think he's a regular there because they all know him.

Oh, man.

Poor guy.

If you're still holding your phone, call it back.

Yeah.

Well, no, not yet.

I don't want to freak him out.

You know, we'll wait a little bit.

But last time, well, just at the beginning, he said he was going to go outside.

I wanted him to do it.

I was just going to have him leave the phone out there and go back inside.

I was like, just leave it there.

Go back.

He said the phone's outside.

But he didn't do it.

He had the camera going to rescue him.

Yeah.

So that's the Depot Diner.

That wasn't as fun as the last one.

It was still fun.

Still fun with that.

All right, cool.

Cool, so let's call another job here, dude.

All right, we've got Taxi Driver Opportunities, Milkman.

Opportunities, not just jobs, opportunities.

Let's see, housekeeping we said we could do here.

What's inside?

That's the front page, and then there's only two pages this week.

We've got the bartenders from last time.

They're still in here.

We've got the ADT dealer, the dead call.

They're in here still.

We've got a call center.

See, we've got Forks selling fireworks on the roadside.

Here's one that's interesting, too.

We've got the post office, now hiring, average pay $20 an hour or $57,000 a year,

includes federal benefits and overtime, placed by ad source, not affiliated with USPS.

Who hires? Fee required.

So apparently this is a company that will get you a job with the post office.

They're not the post office, but they'll get you a job there and they charge you a fee.

And so you can make up to $20 an hour doing it.

Sounds like a scam to me.

Yeah, and also I said I would like to call firework sales.

sales operators to run tents earn thousands and we've got a number here for firework sales

so how about we um how about we go ahead and do the post office job um and we're gonna have eddie

garcia do it because he's in the army so he's entitled to a job you know how everybody says

oh when you're in the army you can get a job in the post office when you get out they used to be

the case not anymore post office sold out to the call centers none of the call centers but they

sold out to outsourcing and stuff like that all right so we're gonna call for that post office

office job eddie garcia i don't even know if i remember how to do the voice but we'll try it

we'll see if i do in just a moment i hope that we're having a splendid monday morning

eligibility is verified you will be connected to a live testing authority operator who will guide

you in the hiring process if this is your first time calling press four or if you have called in

before press thank you the postal service is one of the nation's largest and most admired

admired organizations, and employs over three-quarters of a million individuals.

On average, there are about 1,000 job openings each week all across the country.

These openings do fill quickly,

and operators cannot guarantee the availability of any specific position

and or test date in any area at any given time.

All entry-level hiring decisions are made by postal authorities,

and no previous experience is necessary.

All applicants must apply for positions themselves.

Oh, God.

If you are a U.S. citizen or have a green card, press 1.

If not, if you have completed high school or have your GED equivalent, press 1.

If not, press 9.

If you are at least 18 years of age, press 1.

If not, congratulations, you are eligible to hold a GED.

You're going to be a citizen with a GED who's over 18.

Keep pressing 1.

Approved!

We're being connected to the call center who will take my payment information

so I can buy my job into the post office union.

Oh, damn it. Come on. I have such good ideas for this.

Thank you for calling about the post position.

Yo.

Gina.

Hey, Gina.

Gina.

Hello.

Gina, I want to make that happen. I want to be the post office man. I would love to deliver the mail.

I have experience. I was in the Army, so I have experience, and I have federal benefits experiences.

Okay.

Yeah. Do I have to be in the union to get this job?

No, sir.

Oh, okay.

I can let you know everything you need to know, but first, may I please have the correct spelling of your first and last name?

Hey, I just want to let you know, I hit the zero number, and I got to skip that whole long, boring thing.

So can you explain it to me, because I just wanted to talk to a real person.

Okay, may I please have the correct spelling of your first and last name?

Well, you know, before we get into that, ma'am, I mean, I really would like to make sure they're not being taken for a ride.

What are you offering me? I'm a star.

I'm offering you the materials to prepare for the mandatory exam, sir.

For what mandatory exam? Explain the exam to me.

I am good. I use a paper and a pencil, and I fill in the dots, and I give it in.

I give it in to the woman or the man in the front.

No, sir. You take it on a computer.

On my computer machine or yours?

No, sir. At a testing facility.

Okay. But what's the deal here?

When they go to the testing facility, how much does it cost to use the computer?

Is that where it is? Is that how you do it?

There is no fee for the exam, sir.

All right. Is it a hard exam?

But you will have to prepare for it.

It's not common knowledge, if that's what you're asking.

Well, is it one of those easy ones, like a Mickey Mouse exam?

That's exactly what I'm good at.

I'm good at Mickey Mouse exams and classes and training.

No, sir, it's not a Mickey Mouse exam.

Do I need a drug test to come in?

Yes, sir.

Do you know how long, like, does that include, like, all the substances?

Like alcohol?

Does it include alcohol?

I'm not sure, sir.

How long does it take?

I don't know.

Let's say that I was at a Rolling Stones concert last week,

and there might have been something passed around that I might have taken a few hits.

How long would it take for that to get out of my system so I could pass the exam?

Sir, you're not serious about this, are you?

Well, yeah, I am.

I just want to make sure maybe I should hold off a week or drink a lot of water or vinegar or something like that.

I have no idea, sir.

Does it take, like, maybe two or three weeks to get out of your system?

I have no idea.

Do you do a hair test or is it a urine test?

I have no idea.

Because I heard there's this test where you get on a treadmill.

I have no idea.

You run to the treadmill and they take the sweat off the crack of your ass.

I have no idea.

Because the toxins come out the latest out of the crack of your ass.

So you don't do the crack of your ass what test?

Hello, ma'am?

Okay, we lost her.

She has no idea, Milkman.

I have no idea.

All right, well.

If you don't have no idea, why are you answering the phone?

Hollywood says

the forum has been updated with last Thursday night's calls

alright, thanks man

Hollywood's the dude, he's the bro

and that is over at madhouselive.com

the forums

you can go to madhouselive.com, click on the forums button

or just go to madhouselive.com

forward slash forums

alright, so we had fun with that last call

our numbers have gone down on Syndicate

but a lot of people in there live right now

Now, BlitzK is in the house.

Emmy Rose is in there.

Milkman and Nunu, both of you are checking in there.

Jake, Jekyll, Dino, and Hooknose Mike is in the house as well.

He lives here in Florida like me.

We're in the same time zone.

Okay, so who's next here, Milkman?

We had fun with the UPS or the USPS job, the post office job.

She doesn't think we're being serious, and she didn't know.

Fireworks sales.

Yeah, Milkman, I'll be honest with you.

I think I forgot how to do it.

I haven't done the Eddie Garcia voice in so long, I forgot how to do it.

Hey!

I'll have to listen to a few of the calls

Just talk like my dad

I'll just talk like my dad

Or my cousins

I'll talk like my cousins in Puerto Rico

Alright, firework sales

Operators to run tents

Earn thousands

Thousands, thousands, thousands

Oh boy, okay

I still can't get over the pre-screening

For the USPS job

You know what I mean?

If you pass pre-screening

So it's three questions

Are you a US citizen?

Hit one if yes

And then the second one was, did you have your high school diploma or GED?

And then the third one, of course, to round out things, are you over 18?

After that, congratulations.

Literally say congratulations.

You're qualified.

You are approved.

Congratulations.

You are qualified.

All right.

Firework sales, everybody.

Don't go anywhere, milkman.

We're going to do that.

Hello there.

How would it do there?

I'd be the Postmaster's General.

It's so surreal to be doing this exactly 12 hours from the time we normally do it.

10 a.m., everybody, on the East Coast.

7 a.m. on the West Coast.

Where Milkman is at?

And he is checking in with us, bro.

Thanks for being on so early.

Instead of working.

Come on, I want to sell fireworks.

I hate country.

Kiyok, kiyok, kiyok.

Thank you for holding.

Can I help you?

Am I talking to a person?

Yes, sir, you are.

I want to do that firework sales thing.

Okay, and what area of town are you calling from, sir?

I'm calling from Orlando, the Orlando Machine.

I am well known around here.

I used to sell pumpkins for Halloween.

And I sell...

Right now, what we're doing...

I'm not done with my credentials.

I sell live turkeys in the back for Thanksgiving.

And you can throw rocks at them.

And however many you hit, if you stone it, you get to keep it.

It's $5 a stone.

Really?

Yeah.

Interesting.

Right now, what we're doing is taking down names and numbers for the Orlando area manager.

Right.

He'll be contacting you back to schedule an interview.

I also do the Christmas trees.

We've already got that taken care of.

I got so angry at these Puerto Ricans that came

that they didn't want to buy the damn Christmas trees

that I threw at the top of their car.

I said, I don't mean to cut your shirt, sir.

I gave it to them, those stupid assholes.

Don't hurry up and buy the stupid Christmas trees.

I said, just take the stupid thing.

Take the stupid thing!

That's fucksills.

I always wondered, guys, because this time of year,

it starts with, you know, in September.

At the end of September, you know, beginning of October,

you see the tent places come up here.

It's here on the land.

This is how it works.

I don't know the rest of the country

But they sell pumpkins

For October, November

And then December they change to Christmas trees

And then after that they change into fireworks

For New Year's

And it's the same place for the 4th of July

They're in there with the fireworks also

I always thought it was the same company

I bet you it's a good racket if you did it on your own

That'd be a good racket to do

I bet you you only have to work that time of year

I bet you you make enough money to set yourself for the rest of the year

Milkman, I swear to God

I'm going to buy a weird plot of land

Man, really cheap off some major, you know, street here in Orlando.

And I'm going to set up a tent.

I'm going to sell pumpkins and Halloween stuff and Thanksgiving turkeys that you can shoot free range.

Free range ones that you can shoot with BB guns and the Christmas trees.

And they get mad and I just throw them at you.

I just take the fucking shit.

Bad Boys of Ohio says, what the fuck, a Monday show.

Sweet dude.

All right.

Hey, sweet on you, man.

Thank you for being with us.

Sweet Daddy Bad Boys of Ohio.

We just did a prank called the firework sale

What's up yo

It's the Monday show

What's up yo it's the Monday show

We should do like a hokey 80's

Like let's say

If there was a public service announcement

In 1987 1988

That had a rap song in it

I would want it to sound like that

You know what I mean like they thought they were

Yo yo

It's the Monday show

Don't do drugs they're not cool

My name is Flavor Flav

And I'm here to say

Why is there some white guy

Walking towards my car

I'm watching this motherfucker

He got a little close to my car

He's wearing some

I don't know that guy

In his neighborhood

There's some white guy

In like some camouflage

Looking at stuff

Got a little close to my car

You gotta watch out

With these people

Mike Muggler

Look at that guy

I wish I had a cam

Pointing outside

I'd show you all right now

Go to school

You'd be smart like me

You got that curtain there

You got

I don't know

I'm looking out

I'm gonna watch out for my car

He might think that I'm

You know

Oh that's

He's at work

That's the second car

They left there.

Yeah, do something to my car, white man.

I'm going to go out there right now.

I'm going to tie him up, and I'm going to bring him inside,

and I'm going to do water torture on him.

Are you casing out the strange white men that walk by your car in the parking lot?

Is that what you're doing?

I don't know.

No, seriously, I sit here like at night, and I just have my window wide open,

and I watch anything that goes near my car.

Like if I see a car driving, parking next to my car, I'm watching like,

don't you scratch my door.

I got a brand-new car.

I got a 99 Honda Civic, man.

I got a 2009 Honda Civic

Sitting right there man

My last car was a 99 Honda Accord

Do you yell at the straight little dogs

That pee in your tire

No one dares do that

Hooknose Mike in the house as well

What's up Hooknose Mike

Show your titties

Hooknose Mike show your titties

Hooknose man get on the camera

Show me your man titties

I'd like to see that

Let's see your mosquito bites

Alright guys

All right, guys.

We got training and education in HVAC, you know, air conditioning.

We got that on deck here.

We got the food rep job here also still.

Let's see, business management, investor seeks trainee.

And we got a number here.

I don't know about that.

Let's see what else we got.

Certified nurse's aide.

These are people looking for jobs.

We got a bunch of certified nurse's aide.

We got an art gallery trainee.

That's awesome.

Let's do that one here.

Art gallery trainee making up to $50,000 a year.

It says BS.

I don't know what that means.

bullshit retail any art background exciting and money exclamation point it literally says exciting

and dollar sign exclamation point exciting and money okay so we're going to call uh this number

here in orlando dollar sign oh my god dollar sign exclamation point dude that's something that's

what i'm looking for right there that's not like my dollar sign right back with the next prank call

of the day. Art Gallery Trainee

Job Posting. We're calling the

newspaper up. One moment.

Alright, here we go.

Art Gallery Trainee. Good morning,

Job Specialist. How you doing? Good,

how are you? I'm good. I want to do the Art

Gallery Trainee position. Hey, can

you stop one moment and I'll transfer you to

Counselor. Right away, please. Make it so.

Thank you. Thank you. My counselor

calls Poof Card. This is Izzy. May I help you?

What is your name, please? Izzy.

I-Z-Z-Y.

Am I talking to a person yet?

I mean, what's going on here?

This is Izzy.

I'm looking for the art gallery trainee position.

What can you tell me?

Sell me on this.

You've got three minutes.

Go.

Oh, okay.

Well, who am I speaking with?

This is Jack Valente.

Well, the art position is a base salary plus commission.

It is selling fine art in a beautiful art gallery.

It's a very plush gallery.

What are you doing currently right now, Jack, as far as employment?

I'm unemployed.

I'm on unemployment.

What's

your highest level of education, Jack, so I can know?

I kind of get leery when it comes to stuff like this.

What I like to do, I like to throw the whole thing away, and we're going to start from scratch.

Basically, we're going to set up the studio, and I want the pictures all around me, like in different angles.

And if you follow feng shui, if you angle them correctly, what happens is when someone comes up to your desk, they're instantly like, okay, I need to buy that one right there.

It sells itself.

And the base salary thing, we can just get rid of.

I'll just work on commission only.

Don't worry about it.

What can we raise the base salary?

If we eliminate the base salary, can I maybe get 90% of sales?

Well, you'd have to interview with the actual company.

Let me just tell you what we do.

Can I bring in some of my own shit for my interview?

I'm not sure about that.

Well, I spray paint T-shirts.

And I do murals of Tupac Shakur and a settlement in Lake Eola.

Okay.

Would you be interested in, and I'll bring in, I have a big mural of Tupac Shakur.

You know the one where he's got the tattoos in the back and he's doing the Hail Mary?

And he's got his hands crossed and it's black in the background and he's black.

So it's like Africa black.

And it's like, come with me, Hail Mary.

And it has the N word and it says, 1MC, what do we have here now?

Do you want to ride or die?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, come with me.

Hail Mary, one quick seat.

What do we have here now?

Do you run or ride or die?

Okay, I don't know where to go.

I just wanted to get her off the phone.

I thought I'd sing some Tupac to her.

That's a stupid song.

I think I might have that here.

Do you like velvet Tupac on the corner?

I don't know.

I spray paint murals of Tupac Shakur.

There are guys that do that all over the place here in Orlando.

it's like it's like there's a huge market for tupac murals over here yeah you're almost free

i'm gonna spray tupac and biggie together with big pond and eminem yeah all right let's let's

play that we'll do the next call here the night or the day i'm gonna keep making that mistake

oh god food wrap sell rests resorts grocers i'm gonna sell restaurants service sell

restaurants resorts and grocers base salary and experience top co exclamation point

Oh, that's the same company, though.

That's the same phone number.

Apparently, it's the same company.

Let me not call that one.

Any ideas, Milkman, for a type of job we can look for here?

Or the ones that I've mentioned so far?

Jobs, possibly.

No, not much.

I had food rep, but that's gone.

Let's see.

I've got one at a call center.

Hiring for vacation advisors, takeover agents.

What we do have for food service, Milkman, we've got SeaWorld that's hiring cooks.

Let's take a look at that here.

Okay, now hiring at SeaWorld.

Both cooks, line cooks, food service agents, sales clerks, and operation hosts.

Now hiring with our seasonal rates starting at $7.60 an hour.

Watch out.

That's the way to go right there.

Seasonal positions, flexible schedules, great park perks.

Must be 18 years or older.

Free park admission to SeaWorld, Busch Gardens, and Aquatica.

Well, that right there.

That right there will give you an extra $500 a month if you go to those parks a lot, I suppose.

and apparently they're taking calls today

from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Part of the Worlds of Discovery Parks

for more information

and it gives a number here

to call the Human Resources Department

on Sea Harbor Drive

for SeaWorld of Orlando.

Let's give them a call here, my friend.

SeaWorld, here we go.

Bad Boy says,

do that one and tell them you only cook fish.

Good idea.

I only cook rock.

Yo, I used to cook whale in Japan.

Two minutes left.

We're sorry.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

I'm going to have to get more phone card minutes here.

So, but in order to do that, I have to speak with Spoof Card.

So we're going to have to find a long prank call to play here for about maybe five or six minutes.

And we'll be patient.

Everyone's going to be patient.

No one's going to make any stupid moves here.

Cuss out that woman about being screamed and shit.

No, I'm not going to do that.

No, we're going to stay on good terms with them.

I hung up on Milkman again.

Jesus Christ, I'm so stupid.

Milkman, I have to call Spoof Card to get more minutes.

I've got to speak with them, so I need to play a long prank.

How about I call you back when I'm done with that?

It's going to take like six or seven minutes, I think.

All right, I'll call you back.

Don't go anywhere, man, all right?

Peace out, brother.

It's awesome to have Milkman joining us in.

We got the whole crew here.

We got, you know, Milkman's calling in from work on his cell phone,

and he's listening to the show also on his laptop over there,

and you're checking in as well live.

Thanks for getting up early.

I like those reclude calls from the other night.

Hollywood's here as well.

Maybe Hollywood can join us.

That'd be awesome.

Okay, so here we go.

Let's reclude calls.

That's right.

Auto salvage yard.

That's right.

Those are nice and long and juicy.

Yeah.

Okay, good deal.

So call number one here is four minutes.

Call number two is nine minutes.

We're going to play the first one.

These set of calls are going to go as pranks of the year so far.

Right now, it's just really, really funny calls here that Reclude did.

Just listen to them.

You'll see what I mean.

Yes, sir.

Enjoy.

It'll start in a second here.

Hey, sir.

You guys want a salvage yard?

Pardon?

Hello, you guys want a salvage yard out there with cars?

Yeah.

Okay, well, listen.

Listen, my girlfriend Francine took my car out there.

I just got a divorce from my ex, and I think my car is out there.

I think she was going to put it through the crusher she was talking about.

What's going on?

Pardon?

She was going to put it through the crusher out there.

Okay.

So I just want to make sure it's not there, you know what I mean?

Because she said she was going out to Sag Nasties and going to put it in the crusher.

You guys got like a magnet and a big crusher out there or something?

Maybe she's lying, but I just want to make sure.

Well, no, I have a crusher come in about a year.

Jesus Christ, when did it come in last?

Oh, it's been a while.

What kind of car was it?

Oh, it was a Buick.

It got off my mom.

She put that goddamn thing down there.

I'll tell you what.

I just want to come down there and make sure it's not there, you know.

I mean, when's the last time the crusher was here?

Maybe you got it in there in your lodge.

Yeah, it's been over a year.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay, well, that's good.

I mean, it's only been a couple weeks, but how often do you get cars in there?

Well, I get cars in there all the time.

So, I mean, you just...

What's that?

What, you're a Buick and model?

Listen, I know you got it.

Listen, I mean, I know you're just trying to jerk me around.

So, listen, let's get to the point.

No, no, I'm not trying to jerk you around.

I'm trying to see whether I have it or not.

I'm just, that's fine.

But, listen, I'm going to come down because I just opened a door for me.

You got a Jeep down there or something?

Where are you guys off of?

I'm not opening it tonight.

You got it off of Highway 5 or where are you guys at?

We're off of Highway 2, but I'm not opening it.

Highway 2, okay.

Okay, that's close enough.

Well, listen, I'll just stop by because I really need that car.

I mean, she's, you know, I know my wife's got it down there.

Well, you'll be wasting your time because I won't let you back there tonight.

What's that?

You come around tomorrow in the daylight hours after 10.

I can't wait then.

I've got to go to my parents because I'm late for Thanksgiving.

So I'll be right down.

My name is Bruce E. Randall.

Well, I'm not going to let you in the back field.

What's that?

You're going to be wasting your time because I'm not going to be opening the gate.

Well, this doesn't matter.

I'm going to get in.

I'm like my guy who will come get that stuff.

Don't sit here and threaten me on the phone.

I'm not threatening.

I'm just going to come into my car.

It's my car.

Listen, it's my goddamn car.

I'm going to come get it.

And nobody's going to stop me because I'm Richie Randall.

Do you know who I am?

Who?

You ever heard of Richie Randall?

Yeah, I've heard of you.

Exactly.

So I'm coming down to my car.

You're not going to hear me, are you?

I'm not going to hear you.

No, it doesn't matter.

I'm just trying to say that I've got connections with the mayor.

I don't give a damn what connections.

you have? I know it's street super

I'm trying to be nice to you now and now you're

starting to piss me off. Well listen

I don't have time for this. I need my

Buick and I'm going to my mommy's house

and nobody's going to stop me. I'm going to be right down

there and I'm not trying to get violent

I'm not a violent person. What was your name again?

I'm a musician

and I don't get violent. What was your name

again? Do you have a junkyard dog

in there? Because my name is Richie Randall

What was your name again? Richie Randall

God damn it. Richie Randall

And I'll be right down here, and we're going to get my Buick, and I'll pay you $100, and that's final.

There's nothing going to happen.

All right, whatever, then we'll have a problem.

Well, that's fine, we'll have a problem.

I'm going to jump the gate or something.

I mean, I got a...

Ben, I have no junkyard dog, I'll sue you.

My daddy's a lawyer.

Well...

You better...

You better be worried about me.

Well, I tell you what, I ain't worried about nothing, because I got a can of mace,

and if you come after me, I'll mace you, and I'm going to run in your gate,

I'm going to get my car, I'm going to bust you in the gate

Because nobody's stopping me

I'm going home, I'm going home

He's like, don't get what he's saying, don't get rude to me

He's like, he's like, he heard it

I must be, Richie must be famous

Yeah, yeah, he knows me too

He's like, yeah, I know him, I know him

Hello

Hello, can you hear me?

Yeah, he's up just a little bit

Have you guys got a Buick in there?

My brother, my brother Richie's got a Buick in there

And I just want to know if I can come pick it up

Well, nobody's coming here tonight.

I've already told him that.

I've been really nice, and I'm really...

Listen, listen.

...don't like to cultivate.

It's my brother, Richie, and he's really sad and upset.

Well, if he comes up here, he's going to jail.

No, he's...

It doesn't matter.

He's got to stay here, because if he comes up here tonight, he's going to jail.

I did.

It's a lawyer.

It doesn't matter.

Nobody's going to jail.

We've got enough money to pay anybody off.

Well, I don't want him up here trading me and my dog.

No, I'm not trying to...

We just want to get the...

No, no.

He will...

Listen, it's okay.

Okay, we're just going to come and get the Buick, and nobody's trying to beat us.

No, you're not coming up here tonight.

It's okay.

I'm telling you, just like I told him, my business hours are from 10 to 12.

Let us in the door.

It's okay.

Just open the gate.

You call up before you come.

No, nobody said anything.

We're just going to open the gate for you.

It's okay.

No.

Everybody be happy.

All right.

Open the gate.

All right.

This is the only way I'll do it.

Are you listening to me?

Okay, yeah.

You call the sheriff's office, and you come up here with a deputy.

They will go into the backfield.

But if you show up without a deputy, somebody's going to jail.

Do you understand me?

Okay, yeah.

Hey, we're showing up.

I don't like being threatened.

I don't like my dog being threatened.

My buddy, I'll tell you what.

What about a city cop?

Well, there ain't no city cop that'll come out here because Newport is the sheriff's department.

You'll have to call and make a case.

Actually, my sister is a state trooper, so maybe she can come out.

But listen, it's okay.

Just open the gate for us, okay?

I want a uniformed officer in a patrol car.

It's going to be okay.

If there's not, then I'm going to have my gun in my hand.

Do I make myself clear?

And I will not take any crap.

And I will not be threatened.

I got Kevlar.

I used to live in England.

I don't give a damn what you got, mister.

I don't know what the problem is between your brother and his girlfriend,

friend, but it's not something that's worth all this bullshit.

You follow me?

Listen.

You come up here in a peaceful mood with an officer, and I'll go in there tonight, and

I'm going out of my way for this.

This is going to happen.

But if you don't show up with an officer, you're going to get turned around or go to

jail.

Holy shit.

No, we're not going to jail.

We got a connection.

So, listen.

Let me just spell it out for you, buddy.

Let me spell it out for you.

What's going to happen?

My ex and this

Alright, I blew my cover

It doesn't matter

What's going to happen

Coming down

And we're going to get my Buick

I'm telling you

That's exactly what's going to happen

I mean

And nobody's going to get hurt

Okay

I tell you

I got a mace

And I got a Kevlar

Nobody's shooting me

Alright

And I got a Doberman pinch or two

Or something

And you don't need to see it

It'll be in the car

I'm not bringing it out

You want to kill me?

Fine

I'm bringing it out

You come up that driveway

Without an officer with you

And I'm going to start shooting immediately

Do I make myself clear that I don't give a fuck to kill you or not?

What are you going to be angry for?

I don't understand, man.

Why me be angry?

Jesus Christ, your brother threatened me, and now you're threatening me,

and I'm not supposed to get angry?

Listen, buddy.

You don't come to my house and do this kind of shit.

You want to be civilized?

Fine.

If you don't want to be civilized and you want to come up here and threaten me,

I'm going to start shooting.

Holy shit.

Listen.

No, God damn it.

I can survive this.

So if you want to have it out, you just come up here and threaten me.

That's all it's going to take.

I will not take the whole thing.

Every vehicle I have on this property, I have paperwork for.

Well, Jesus Christ, you don't have to be an asshole.

No, you're the one that's being the asshole threatening me with mace and a fucking dog and shooting me and shit.

Just like your fucking brother.

I suggest you wait until daylight because you don't want to come up here now because I don't give a damn.

No matter, I don't give a fuck if you bring the whole damn state patrol office and every officer in the goddamn state up here with you.

You're not going to be allowed to be on this property.

Period.

Well, Jesus.

Did I make myself clear now?

You don't have to be an asshole.

I'm going to come.

You know what?

I think you're bluffing.

I'm just going to go get my Buick, okay?

And nobody's going to do anything.

I'm going to try it, because I've already got the sheriff's department on their way up here.

What'd you do?

Would you instant message them on the internet?

That's bullshit.

Would you get them on the CB?

No, I called.

When did you call them?

If you want to come up to this driveway, be my guest.

When's your fucking call?

You're sick.

I mean, what's your call?

Was he sending a telegram?

Was he selling a telegram?

He ran to get his viewers.

What are you going to do, buddy?

Can you wrestle?

I'm done talking.

State camping.

You're not welcome on this property.

You're not welcome on this property, nor is your brother.

I don't give a shit.

I don't want you to come on this property.

You're going to jail.

You come up here tonight.

It's going to make it even.

I tell you what, you think I'm leaving without my Buick, you're crazy.

Francine's not doing anything to me.

I know you're all in shit, too.

You think I have your Buick, you wish.

Jesus Christ, it's stage 7.

Come up here like a man.

It's stage 7, asshole.

It's stage 7.

Come up here like an asshole.

Come up here like an asshole and threatening me.

I have your vehicle.

It'll still goddamn well be here tomorrow.

It ain't going anywhere.

Yeah, well, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to come as a...

I'm just going to come as a pizza delivery guy.

That's all I'm going to come as.

You're not going to know who it is.

and I'm going to run and get my Buick.

No, you're not.

You're goddamn right.

I have that vehicle back there.

It is there tonight.

It will not go anywhere tonight.

I'll guarantee you that.

Yes.

I'm trying to be reasonable.

You want to come up here with an officer?

Fine.

But I want that officer's vehicle in front

and have them call me before they come up my driveway

because if a vehicle comes up my driveway

and I don't recognize it as an officer,

I'm going to consider it you.

And whoever's in that vehicle is going to have a gunpoint

And I'll be mean in business.

That's cool.

Did I make myself clear?

Here, we got minutes, Ken.

Dude, you just got, you just pissed off, and that's bullshit.

You know goddamn well.

Hey, you got it right, I'm pissed off, and I got every right to be pissed off.

You know goddamn well you're not going to shoot anybody.

Well, that's it, boy.

I caught you.

I got you.

I know you're not going to shoot anybody.

I'm just going to drive right up that fucking shit.

Mark's Concrete.

Hi, yes, I'm calling about the concreting job.

For the curb job, curb work.

I said concrete.

Wait a minute, because it doesn't say no curb here.

It just says concrete.

Yes, it does.

It says experience, concrete, curb finishers.

It says experience, gutter finishers, and machine operators.

Oh, well, it should say curb.

Everybody else has read it to me.

It says curb.

Well, maybe it does.

What's the big deal?

How can I get my application over there?

Well, as long as you've got experience, work, and curb and gutter,

then you're more than welcome to come fill out an application.

I have experience with concrete.

Well, there's a difference between doing flat work and curb and gutter work.

It's just concrete.

Well, if you would like to argue the job, then maybe we might not be able to work with that.

Well, you can't discriminate against me because I'm not experienced.

Ooh, she's a mean little monkey, isn't she?

Let's call her back.

Excuse me.

Yeah, she doesn't play.

No wonder no one's getting jobs.

They're all pricks.

I'm going to tell her that.

Matter of fact, good point.

Talk.

Don't go anywhere.

Milkman, let me call Milkman back.

Place a call. Press 1 to listen to your recording.

Let's play the rest of the salvage yard call while I get Milkman back on the line and then call her back.

Open the gate. I've never even been there. I don't give a shit.

I'm just going to go and I'm going to get Mike's car.

I mean, you can't take it from me legally. I got the title.

It's not even in the glove box.

I got you.

You think you can take it from me?

I don't care. You don't come up here without a deputy.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'll come there with a safety town police officer.

If you make any moves that I think is threatening, I will shoot.

Oh, boy, yeah.

First it's coming to the driveway.

Now it's to make a threatening move.

What's next, huh?

Hey, just getting out of your goddamn car is going to be enough for me.

Just getting out of your car is going to be enough for me.

That's right.

You think you're a tough guy?

Tell you what, why don't you fight like a man?

You have your gun on you.

I mean, seriously, you want to wrestle?

You want a rachel, buddy?

No, sir.

I'll take you in for that.

I'll kill you.

I'll just as soon kill you and get it over with.

That's bullshit.

I don't want to be fighting on the goddamn ground with people anymore.

So I'll just kill you.

There ain't going to be no fist fight.

I guarantee you that.

Now, you want to come up my ground and threaten me?

You know, Kong Fu, I guarantee you don't.

Neither do I.

It's bullshit.

You know what?

Guns equal pussy other than the army or hunting.

I tell you that.

That's what it means.

Your brother's name is...

I tell you what.

What's your name?

What's your name, guys?

No.

Almost hung up on you again, Milkman, like I did last time, I bet.

What's up?

I don't know why I keep doing that.

Okay, so the concrete lady isn't answering again.

He's got another PM.

Yeah, he's got a free...

He's got another...

Is that a florist there?

Noonoo's sending a cam here.

Is that for a florist place?

Yeah.

Yeah, for flowers.

Looks like it.

Okay, so let's round out here.

We did...

SeaWorld didn't go through.

I tried to call on it.

I got a weird message.

We can try that again.

Again, we also have housekeeping, air conditioning service techs, alterations are still here,

the driver jobs we haven't done yet, van driver here as well.

He's all alone there at the cafe right now.

Is he really, that guy?

I don't know, what are you hanging up?

I think you're right, guys.

I think he did get chewed out for putting the phone in the trash can when we told him to last time.

All right, so I've got a finance job here.

Here it says, part-time, full-time career, part of the largest company in the financial service industry,

a member of, and it has the bank, one of those banks that's being bailed out.

That's what it says there.

And it says, call Terry Turley, and gives a phone number here.

I'm going to mispronounce his name as Turdy, see if he says anything.

We're going to call Mr. Turdy here, which is a mispronunciation of his name.

Let's play the finishing of this prank call here by Reclude,

and then play a little music while we get the call here in line.

Thank you.

My name is Grissy Randall.

Cliff Randall?

God damn it, my name is Grissy Randall, and I'm tired of this shit.

I'm getting my car.

I'm just going to drive right up your fucking driveway.

And if you don't like it, you call the cops,

and they're going to be right by my side,

and we're going to get your goddamn car.

We're going home.

We're going to see Mommy,

and we're fucking 10 hours late, and it's bullshit.

Nobody's getting in my way.

I tell you what.

But I got a Kevlar, I got Mace, I got...

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to...

Oh my God, that is the prank of the year so far.

That is a great prank.

Oh my God.

That is a great prank.

The whole time he thought you were still the brother, because he was actually...

What a dumb fuck.

He's like, what's your brother's name, Richie Randall?

What a dumb fuck, all I did was...

To reach me, press to simply stay on the line.

Please say your name.

Press the pound key when finished.

Ralph Littlejohn is being located.

There's music up here any second now.

I think Mr. Turdy's going to answer.

Nice music, though.

I wish I could keep listening.

Nunu says that the cam is dead at the Depot Diner.

I think they pulled it.

We were unable to locate your party.

Well, fuck you.

You've reached my voicemail.

Give me a message and I will return your call.

Press pound at the end of your message for more options or simply hang up.

Thanks for calling.

Talk to you.

Hey, you jerk.

Dirk, I need a job and I don't appreciate the fact that you've got an ad here in the paper to call you

and I've been trying to call you all morning looking for this stupid job

and you won't pick up the stupid damn phone.

When I call back, I want to talk to a real person.

I'm going to talk to your supervisor, Mr. Turdy,

and get down to the answers that are going to have your job.

You better answer next time I call.

Review the message.

Press 1 to erase.

Hey, Dirk, I need a job and I don't appreciate the fact that you've got an ad here in the paper to call you

and I've been trying to call you all morning looking for this stupid job

and you won't pick up the stupid damn phone.

Oh, my God.

When I call back, I want to talk to a real person.

I'm going to talk to your supervisor, Mr. Turdy,

and get down to the answers.

I'm going to have your job.

You better answer next time I call.

To review the message, press 1.

All right, awesome.

To erase and re-record, press 2.

To cancel the message, press 3.

To send the message urgent, press 4.

This message will be marked urgent.

The message has been sent.

Goodbye.

Can you send me an urgent message from Ralph Littlejohn?

It'll be, hey, you jerk.

Don't fall.

I'm trying to get the job.

Jesus.

I'll go another 15 minutes, guys, and then I've got to head out.

So we've got time for maybe another prank or two.

That was finance.

Is Hollywood not calling?

Hollywood?

I don't know.

You'd have to get off the line if you were to call in, Milkman, so it's up to you.

Yeah, man, if he wants to call in, because I'll bail out if he wants to.

Hollywood.

He can't.

He's at work, I think.

He can't.

He's busy.

If it was later, maybe he could, because it would be lunch hour.

But I can't do a lunch show today.

I've got to go to my dad's house.

He's appealing his unemployment, so we're going to get together.

We're going to get our story together for his appeal.

And they're going to do a conference call today to appeal his unemployment decline.

So, yeah.

Bad boys, did I miss anything?

Yeah, you missed a funny voicemail that we left there for a guy.

Maybe you'll be able to listen to it on a replay.

Yo, Carlito.

Don't reboot your PC.

It's the Monday show, yo.

We've Carlito.

All right, he heard that, he says.

Well, you didn't miss shit, okay, Ohio?

Chill out.

Financial institution examiners wanted.

What's a financial examiner?

That sounds good.

The Florida Office of Financial Regulation has vacancies for full-time and contract examiners.

Salary commensurate with experience.

Is that how you say that?

Commensurate.

Salary commensurate with experience.

parents. Substantial benefit package

for FTEs. Extensive

travel may be required. Call

phone number or visit website.

Okay, cool. So let's call

about this because I like to travel. I want to see

if they travel to

Hawaii and stuff like that. I'm just going

to get the perks of the job. Bad Boy says

we're missing Obama on NBC.

Is he on the Today Show? What's going on?

Let me know. What is he doing?

Is there an emergency press conference?

Saying that Hillary Clinton is the

Secretary of State. Okay, well there we go.

folks breaking news here you heard it here first these are unconfirmed sources from ohio from our

ohio uh news uh news center reporting that uh barack obama president-elect is uh currently

announcing hillary clinton is the secretary of is going to be his secretary of state for his

upcoming cabinet i don't know if it's true there's unconfirmed reports look man if you can confirm

that you can confirm that please already we heard this this morning he was going up to he was going

to nominate her.

Is it really?

I didn't hear.

I haven't seen the news at all.

I woke up,

came straight to the computer,

set up for the show.

I didn't even do my

normal drudge report

and CNN.com and FARC.

She's got turned up.

She was supposed to go

for the head of the

Senate Appropriations.

Oh, wait a minute.

Hang on.

It's official.

Yes, it is.

She's talking right now.

Clinton paving the Senate

is very difficult.

Leaving the Senate

is very difficult for her,

she says.

Transition of power,

according to CNN.

Secretary of State

Hillary Clinton.

Wow, that's interesting.

So now we know

Bill Clinton will be

in the office as well.

Bill Clinton should be involved in some way

What is the Secretary of State's job?

Isn't she just supposed to represent us abroad to other countries?

Yeah, but she isn't involved on, like, domestic policy.

She's involved in foreign relations, I thought.

That's what the Secretary of State did.

So what, she can't have any input on the medical thing?

Well, maybe she'll have a voice.

No, I'm just saying that that's why she didn't take the Senate thing,

because Kennedy wasn't going to let her get involved with the health care.

Right, right.

Right, I got you.

A lot of people are checking in.

Evil Artie is checking in here also.

Video Vamp is checking in here.

That's interesting.

Gang Green is reporting.

Wow, you're on now.

What the fuck?

Yeah, we are.

So a lot of people are starting to wake up around the country

and starting to see that we're doing the show,

but we only have about 15 minutes left.

I've got enough time for maybe one or two calls.

You're going to ask if you've got a proposed number.

Right.

Yeah, I don't like that guy.

I'll try him, but he's a jerk.

Blitz K call says, fuck me.

Well, fuck you too, Blitzk.

It'll be nasty.

A lot of people here right now,

so let's continue on with two more prank calls.

We're going to call it a morning,

and I got to go.

I got to go.

I got lots of stuff to do.

Don't be rude, yo.

So we got alterations here, I suppose.

Alterations.

Experienced only men's and women's clothes,

and that's here in Orlando.

So let's try to call that here.

Alterations, everybody.

I say we get Ralph Littlejohn here

with the Jack Valente voice,

or with the Jack Masterson voice, rather,

to apply for that.

Let me find a song that we can play.

All right, we're right back, folks.

There's the landscapers outside making noise again.

Change of plan.

We're going to call on a bank job.

That's the bank person on the primary.

How are you doing?

I'm calling for the branch manager position.

I have lots of experience in management and money handling.

Okay.

I have a problem with touching too much.

As a manager, do you have to touch a lot of the money?

Because it kind of icks me out.

There's a chance that you might be behind a terror line at times, but not likely.

Okay, because I can sit my own schedule, right?

It's a 40-hour work week.

Okay, well, I'll sit my own schedule.

I don't want to touch that money.

Do you have dispensers with hand sanitizer there?

Or can I bring them in?

You can bring them in.

I've got aloe, the alokine.

I'll share with everybody there.

It's okay.

Okay.

Okay, and I also need to have New Year's Eve and New Year's Day off,

and I also need the second week of January off,

if you could put me down for that, please.

Well, that's something we'd have to discuss upon hire.

Well, I mean, it's obvious you're going to have to hire me.

Hopefully you have to come in and fill out an application.

Well, I know I'm going to pass all the, you know, different tests.

How often do you have openings available if I don't apply now?

Things change all the time.

We always accept applications.

Okay, so can I fax my resume over there?

Yes, you can.

Okay, but you're absolutely sure I have to touch the money?

At some point, I'm probably going to have to touch dirty money?

At times, you are working at a bank.

There are probably times where you might have to.

It's just so nasty.

Because people sneeze on the money and all that.

They get germs on it.

It's kind of gross.

Okay.

Maybe it's not for me if your people are still, like, not paperless.

I mean, what's the point in applying for a job at a bank that's, you know, behind the times?

It's a paperless society, you know.

It should just all be debit cards and checks.

Okay.

Well, if you can't...

I'm sorry to inform you.

I'm going to have to decline your job offer.

Okay.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

Bye.

She was going to say something funny, but I cut her off.

But, yeah, I had to decline her job offer.

I heard a weird noise.

I hung up on Milkman again.

But I heard a weird noise go, and I didn't know if it was, like, you know, someone connecting in.

It is a bank, so you don't want to be too weird.

You're going into federal laws at that point.

Maybe it's a smart idea not to call banks.

They're all tight-lipped and paranoid and stuff.

Sorry, Milkman.

It keeps doing that.

I don't know what's going on.

Thanks.

There's something wrong with the handset, I think.

User error, I think.

I don't know why I keep doing it.

Okay, so we're going to make a mental note.

No more banks, because I don't want to scare them, you know.

You know, when you say bank job...

You know, they say that the currency I heard on the show today, the currency holds up to 17 days.

Up to 17 days?

Coinage will be only like a few hours.

Hmm. Okay. Yeah, I'll go.

All we got left here is AC service techs and driver trainees.

That's for driving also.

We got a lot of opportunities for that.

And the phone just dropped. I don't know why.

Maybe we're having trouble with the phone system here today. I don't know.

Immunization service is still working, so we're still up. No worries there.

Let's play some music while we pick the last call of the day here.

We did the art gallery one.

Bartenders and associates needed.

We already did that.

Connection's cutting in and out, too, so that must be...

Is it really?

We're having audio trouble as well?

I think we're having trouble with the service.

On my T.S., man.

I don't know.

Hey, dude, I don't know what happened.

All of a sudden, I got a dial tone when I was talking to you.

It went straight to, like, this number's been disconnected.

No further information available on my end.

What?

Yeah.

Oh, no, maybe they're tracking us down, dude.

Maybe I shouldn't be doing these prank calls.

Maybe this is a bad idea here.

I don't know.

Oh, no.

Call security network.

Call is now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network.

Prosecution of the law.

That's what's going to happen.

All right, so AC service text.

Hey, hey, hey.

That'll be the last one for the day.

I'm going to do something goofy about the AC.

You know what I'm saying?

I like it.

Call me it.

AC.

Alternating current, yeah.

DC, DC.

Pink Floyd.

Exactly.

Hang on, don't go anywhere.

Lord, I love that song, Stay Away to Heaven.

I love when Roger Waters goes and he goes,

In no time to the rockin' roll.

Yeah, Milkman?

Yeah.

I'm going to make an application for AC air conditioning machine spaces.

Okay.

I have lots of experience.

I like air conditioning.

I know how to solder.

And I went to class, and I put it in my own air handler.

I put it in my own air handler in my house.

I learned how to do it.

Okay.

Do you have commercial experience?

Yeah, I do.

I have experience in the commercial.

okay i was um i worked in i worked for a few retail places and stuff okay well they're looking

for heavy commercial experience yeah those big air handlers the big ass ones yeah i used to work

on those okay i opened them up and i touched them inside and i cleaned the blades and i cleaned the

filters out and i touched it inside with the the the prod they go it goes like that one you put

Well, no, I mean, I don't know them.

I don't work on them.

There's this machine that you put it in, the fuse, and it goes,

and that means that it's working.

And if it doesn't work, it goes, like that.

That's the one I use.

I use it for a year.

Yeah.

Have you ever worked on the big chillers?

The big chillers, freezers.

I have experience with freezers, ice machines, chillers, the big industrial size,

air handlers, small ones.

Okay.

I used to go up and I went up in a ladder once and I went to the top of the building

and I fixed the air conditioner once.

I kicked it like five times and it went like that.

It actually came on.

And then I took the machine that I told you and I put it inside and I went like that.

And it was low on refrigerant.

Okay.

Do you guys use the R1430A or the R13A?

I don't know.

I buy it in the cans at the auto parts at the Napa and I put it inside my car.

Oh, okay.

That's a commercial car.

It's a van.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Okay.

So what are you, what, what, I'll, I'll.

Do you want to factor in your resume?

I'm more than happy to accept your job offer.

What, now, what are the benefits?

Do you offer a student discount on the air machines?

No, you, I don't have any idea, anything about that.

Well, can I get, can I get stuff at cost?

Factor in your resume.

Right.

Do I get my own van?

Do you provide a van?

To some, we do.

If I end up

One of the fortunate ones

Who gets a van

Am I allowed to use it

For side work

On the weekends

Is this a joke

No

Because I just want to know

If it's allowable

Because I like to bring home

The van on the weekends

I do

You know

Stuff on the side

With the

And I just use

I just use

I just use a little

I take a

I skim off a little bit

Of the

The condenser parts

And fan motors and stuff

It's not a

I mean it's just a little

Drop in the bucket really

But I like

Who is this

This is Jack Masterson

But I

Honestly, I'm really interested in just, you know,

I mean, if you provide me with a van,

I'll be more than happy to take your offer.

If not, I'm going to have to decline you in this application.

Okay, well, then that'll be fine.

Well, you can't discriminate against me

when you have to provide me with an interview.

Okay, she's not going to have that.

All right.

That'll be fine.

She's going to take you up on that.

All right, that's cool.

She's like, it's just a joke.

I love these country people.

Okay, we got to go.

It's 11 o'clock.

I was going to get to a driver job,

but I don't know.

Maybe I will do.

He's going to do Pilates, Tuck says, Milkman.

You can't hear him, but he's going to do Pilates.

How about we call for a van driver?

Let's make that the last one.

One last one here, folks.

Van driver will be the last call of the day.

Don't go anywhere.

Nunu says there's people moving stuff around in the florist.

Hi there.

How are you doing?

I was calling interested in driving your van machine.

I like driving vans.

I used to own a van when I was in high school.

I had a mattress in the back, and I called it the panty dropper,

and I, like, wrote it on the sides of it and everything.

It was really cool.

It had neon lights.

Cook and dirty.

There you go.

The panty dropper.

Cook and dirty.

Let me try to call her back.

Hang on.

Maybe she'll answer the second time.

Or maybe she'll stay on the second time.

You know, this number looks familiar.

It's a great day to see you, Mr. Cassio.

Yeah, so I even installed in the back, like, a big amp,

and I used to play my guitar, the electric guitar in the van.

Look, are you interested in the position?

Because if so, that's fine.

But if you're going to prank call, then I...

No, I'm interested.

You're not allowed to make assumptions.

I'm just telling you.

I used to own a van.

I didn't know how to drive a van.

I have credentials, lady.

I have experience in the van machine.

What's the problem?

What kind of...

Are these...

What ton?

Are these 1.5 ton vans or two?

Are they two or 1.5 tons?

No idea.

I'm not interested.

Well, why good are you?

Can you put a man on the phone who can answer my questions?

If you'd be a little bit nicer, maybe I can help you.

I don't have to be nice.

I'm applying for a job.

Okay.

been filled. If I call back and it's not filled, it's against the law. You understand that?

Equal opportunity. You know what? I'm going to call. I'm going to call. I'm going to answer

the phone each time. So, sir, what is your name? I'm going to call the news solvers right

now that you're discriminating against me. I'm not discriminating, sir. I'm just trying

to get your information. Well, you already told me. You already told me the position

is filled, so I hope that it's not filled. Maybe there's another position. What? Is

Is it, is it, is it car?

number this is jack don't you're very rude you're very rude i don't you know what i decline your

application i'm not approving you okay i command you to hang up the phone now because i'm superior

to you well what are you gonna do will you admit inferiority go ahead admit it you're inferior hang

up the phone exactly see hey let me clear them on you there hello jesus i'm talking milkman milkman

let me call him back but we're ending the show anyway doesn't matter it's late milkman i have

If there's a real name here in front of me, I could give it out.

Hello?

Hey, man, what's up?

Good God, dude, I was dying laughing.

All right, cool, cool.

Hey, man, I got to go.

It's time to end the show.

Thanks for being on, bro.

Don't work too hard.

I'm sure you won't.

All right, man.

Peace out.

We'll talk to you later.

This is Milkman, everybody.

Everyone, be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

That's our website.

Also, be sure to visit Tuck.

His website is over at tuckermike.com.

Interesting stuff there, of course.

Always fun to go to.

Ooh, God, I need to get breakfast.

I haven't eaten anything yet today.

I've been up for, wow, three and a half hours

and I still haven't had breakfast, oh my god

drinking some Pilates like I am

Pilates, yeah right

okay so we'll be on again

on Thursday at our normal time

10pm Eastern Standard Time

we had fun with our most recent

Monday morning show

we'll do another one next week, Tuck

if you can make it or if you can't

time to be announced, I'll work it around my schedule

as best as I can

thank you for everybody else on Syndicate Radio

be sure to hang out over at SyndicateRadio.tv

I'm sure there will be more programming here later today, including Emmy Rose.

Goodbye for now.

Have a good week, folks.

Enjoy your Monday.

Have a good evening.

You can get off.

Fuck you.

I am bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

Madhouse Radio live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you.

Fucking penis.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (18, 55 min of 1 h 46 min)

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