2008-12-04 Show

Line five.

Yes?

The call attendant called me a racial slur.

All right, sir, could you please tell me when did I lie to you

and when did I call you a racial slur?

Please welcome Pete Scythe.

Refreshing music, Sunday.5, rolling through a commercial for you all, Music Hour.

I want to say hey and thanks for listening up on the north end.

Richie Randall and his lovely lady Francine.

Please, Francine, don't leave him.

Who the fuck is this?

Who is this?

Listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

What's going on?

Good evening, folks. Madhouse Radio is back on the air.

It is Thursday night at 10 p.m. hour, and we are on, as usual,

I'm Carlito, your host for the evening.

Website that we originate from is madhouselive.com,

and we are on the extended Madhouse Radio network, of course.

Tuck is here with me tonight via satellite link-up or something.

Howdy.

How you doing, Big Tug?

What's going on? What do you say there, buddy?

I don't say much to anything, but everything is anything, so there you are.

If you're joining us anywhere on the Internet, you can reach us on Madhouse Radio

if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

Once again, that's Madhouse Radio for AOL and Yahoo Instant Messengers.

MSN Messenger users, madhouseatlive.com.

As I said before, the toll-free line will be open.

That is 1-888-278-8509.

Once again, 1-888-278-8509.

That's our toll-free line where you can reach us here tonight as well.

Please be sure to visit our homepage, madhouselive.com,

Where you can send your prank requests

At absolutely no charge

Got an easy to use form there

Be sure to check in

Drop in and check in our forums

Check in to our podcast as well

Subscribe to them if you can

If you don't know what podcasts are

I can't help you

They're fun

Tuck has a podcast too

You don't know about 2008

With a podcast too

You just suck dude

I can't help you at all

Right

right right yeah so it's the well thanksgiving is well undone huh that was a week ago we had fun with

that we had some good thanksgiving night praying calls reclude knocked it out of the water last

week we might play that call later i'll make a note of that here and see reclude what was that

the uh oh jesus salvage yard calls those are pretty good so maybe we'll get to that later

tonight we got enough enough enough of you haven't heard that yet let us know we might be able to

We'll play one or two of them.

I did want to mention...

If I can survive Vietnam, I can survive this.

That's right.

It's a very good quote.

I should get a drop of that, but yes.

If we can survive Vietnam, Americans, we can also survive Madhouse Radio.

What's there to talk about?

For some reason, I've had written up here on my board, left-handed people.

I probably had a drunk Carlito moment and thought it would be a good idea to talk about left-handed people.

But to be honest with you, I don't remember what it was about.

out it's been up here for two weeks and i decided to clear out the board tonight so what what about

left-handed people um are they more yes i remember now are left-handed more are left-handed people

more susceptible to dying is that isn't that a fact if you're left-handed you're more you have

more of a chance of dying in an accident or something like that that will kind of make sense

it's a right-handed world everything's designed to be right-handed scissors are

designed to be right-handed unless you get right yeah i mean it's it's it's it's harder for a

a left-handed person to drive it's harder for a left-hand person to uh to write because you got

to write with your left hand and it's easier for you it's easier for you to um have your pen go

flying into your forehead and you could poke out an eye or something what if you're ambidextrous

you probably have an advantage right there because remember rocky and rocky he was ambidextrous and

he could fight with the with the right hand right and then halfway in the fight he switched to

The Southpaw.

The Southpaw left-handed.

Yeah, that was the Rocky.

It got them every time.

I don't know.

Apollo Creed twice.

It got the big Russian guy once.

And it got the guy that got AIDS.

You know, that boxer that was Tommy Gunn that got AIDS.

Tom McCartney is technically right-handed, but he played bass with his left hand.

Really?

Because it felt better.

It felt better.

Hendrix as well.

Well, Hendrix, of course, plays it, you know, backwards.

Okay.

But he was naturally a right-handed.

Whatever.

They are.

Whatever works for him.

I don't know what that means from this conversation at all,

but I thought I'd just throw it out there.

Yeah, but, and then you remember, none of you remember,

we weren't around at these times,

but they did used to say if you were left-handed,

that was a sign of the devil,

and you would get your left hand tied behind you all the time

when you were a kid.

And that would be kind of crappy.

I would be, because that's not your fault that you're born.

how was that a sign of being the devil man

of being a satan kid

satan child

you're just a kid

it's not your fault you're left handed

are you trying to explain crazy

exactly

it's your fault if you're gay of course

come on

I don't believe that

you're born whatever you are

I am bisexual

I'm fat

so that's left handed

I don't know why I had that up there

They're a son of a bitch, but I finally got it off the board.

Clearing off the board here tonight.

All going through, clearing off the board.

We got a lot of news items to talk about here.

We got people getting trampled at Walmart.

I've been updating my iTunes radio streams and brushing up on some of my files and stuff.

It just seems kind of like that day.

You just kind of do that, you know?

Yeah, exactly.

It's not spring, but it's a spring cleaning day.

It's winter.

Yeah.

It's the winter cleaning day, I suppose.

And hey, I've got the

I've got the white devil machine

We haven't used it in a long time

I bought a new one

We have yet to use it

So we've got to use that tonight

We've got to put that on deck

White devil machine tonight

Excuse me

Saigon is checking in

In the madhouse chat room

We haven't seen that kid

In a long time

Wow

Sin6 says he jerks off

With his left hand sometimes

It's like a new girlfriend

That's true

Another trick

Fellows out there

All our teenage listeners

Listeners, if you haven't tried this one yet, sit on your hand for an hour,

and then it feels like someone else is doing it for you entirely because your hand is asleep.

That is the best right there.

I recommend that, fellas, if you haven't tried that yet.

That's the Carlito right there.

And put some finger polish on that hand, maybe.

Evil already calls it the dead man's hand.

I'm sure he's familiar with that.

All right, good deal.

All right, well, a big thank you to everyone listening to us.

Of course, we've got a lot of people in Syndicate.

We've got a lot of people on the Madhouse side.

We've got a lot of people on 98.6 The Mouth.

We've got a lot of things to get to here, as I said before.

You know, I saw a trailer earlier tonight for the movie The Day the Earth Stood Still.

I guess that's a remake, right?

Wasn't that a movie before?

Wasn't that a black and white?

It's a great movie back in the 50s.

The old sci-fi 1950s era.

Yeah.

Cold War kind of a parody on the old Cold War.

Well, what's his faces in it?

The guy that was Neo, the guy that was Bill.

Wasn't he Bill in Bill and Ted's, or was he Ted in Bill and Ted's?

It was Ted, Theodore, Logan.

No, he was Ted, wasn't he?

Keanu Reeves, the dude guy.

Dude.

You know what I'm talking about?

I know.

I think it was Bill.

I think he was Bill.

I could be wrong, but...

It was Bill S. Preston.

Who?

I and B-W-H.

Yeah, please, let us know.

Tell me how much I won.

It was definitely Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted, Theodore, Logan.

and I just don't remember which was which.

Someone let me know, please.

It's going to kill me.

Yeah, I know Keanu Reeves is in it, Miss Maven,

but Bill S. Preston and Ted Theodore Logan.

That's right, Hollywood.

Thank you for not answering, mister.

I work at Blockbuster part-time.

Someone let us know.

Keanu is Ted.

Maven has the gold star.

Maven, you win by properly.

Okay, then I was wrong.

So I don't win shit, do I?

You don't get shit.

You get the gold star and I get shit.

Yeah, members of the Madhouse crew are not eligible for gold stars anyway, Tuck,

so it doesn't matter, all right?

You can't redeem them, all right?

It's a personal thing, man.

It's just a personal thing.

Yeah, well, we've got good news here.

Kokanee has sent in a number, an international card number for us to use,

so we've got the ability finally.

It's been a long time.

But it is a return to the United Kingdom for the Madhouse radio show.

Nunu says he has some good numbers for the UK.

Okay, I'm sure Lonesome Loser always has some on deck that he can send in,

so we'll look forward to that.

So far from Lonesome Loser here, the man himself confirming away.

The fifth column of Madhouse Radio, as I like to call him.

Fifth column.

Coffee Gallery.

We've got Black...

No, no, this is from last week.

They're Shag Nasties, my bad.

Tonight, hang on, where are we at?

There we go.

Happy Burger Diner.

Super Duper Video.

We also have Hot Hunks and Hotter Babes.

uh get her done inc and finally rounding out things for the first hour we've got green lantern

a woman named denise answered there at 10 20 p.m which would make that two minutes two minutes in

the future by my my time i don't know what time lonesome loser's at he sets his watch like five

minutes ahead because he thinks he's that um future green lantern huh what's what's what's

the deal with green lantern isn't he from like is he from another planet or did he just have

Have some rings that were really cool?

What's the deal with him?

That depends.

There was a bunch of them.

Oh, God.

The Green Lantern is sort of like a corps of guardians

that are assigned different sectors of the universe to protect.

Okay.

Well, hang on a minute.

Now, what's the deal with Batman, though?

I hate to interrupt the Green Lantern discussion,

but what's the deal with Batman here?

Batman and Bruce Wayne.

No, Bruce Wayne's dying, apparently.

Apparently, they're killing him off.

You have nothing to do with Greenland?

Oh, they're always killing them off, and they'll come back in six months, whatever, what?

Well, they're all willing to kill the Batman scheme to get their name in the papers.

You can't kill the Batman.

You can't make Bruce Wayne not be.

They tried that once with the...

Because no one reads comics anymore.

That's why.

That's where you're killing them.

No one reads paper anymore.

Get some quick press.

No one reads paper anymore.

No one cares.

So, apparently, they're doing that.

Not going to go anywhere, as you said.

Yeah, no one reads paper anymore either.

Exactly.

Let me turn this laptop over here.

There's too much noise.

I've got this big, ancient, almost 8-year-old laptop in the background that makes a lot of noise and overheats.

We've got plenty of draw on the up-down bandwidth right now.

We don't need to be doing that.

All right, so...

Am I coming in?

Am I too loud?

Am I too hot?

Sound fine to me.

Are we coming in on Syndicate?

Give me a ones if you can see me, guys.

I see Yelko's in there, the clown machine.

machine let me know because the the syndicate um the browser is popping in and out on me so

let me know if you guys can even hear me i don't understand if it's working

yeah no it's not good let me pause for a minute so i can fix that everyone we're getting back in

here i think we've got it fixed everyone cross your fingers it might be best to cross cocks

also while you're at it ladies if you have them only the ladies are allowed to cross cocks i think

we should be back here in a moment give me a moment to set it off let me know if it's working

now there gentlemen and ladies let's hurry up and get the shit going we got some more numbers

some lonesome moves here including the jackass cafe and howdy duties tavern i'm gonna call that

green lantern though because i'm totally confused about the green lantern thing you mean you made

no sense when you try to explain it talk so let's call actually no hang on let's let's call milkman

first how about one fucking green lantern how's that work why not because it would make sense

Cool. Stand by for Milkman, everybody. We're going to start doing some prank calls.

Please enjoy this call tone while we connect you.

Good job answering the phone quickly.

I said good job answering the phone quickly like you said you were going to.

What's up? How you doing, dude? Milkman. What's going on, man?

Are you at work? Are you leaving work? What's going on?

Yep, I'm on my way home.

Okay, good. Sounds like you're in the toilet. What are you doing?

I'm standing in the toilet right now. I had to wash my shoe here earlier. I peed on my

shoe, so I had to take it off and swirl it around the toilet a little bit.

Damn it, man. All right. Well, good. Good deal. Be sure to disinfect. Make sure you

dry that nice and well when you get home. Put some cat litter in that, okay?

Well, you know what? It's still better than having to volunteer and have Zolot pee on

my feet.

Right. All right, dude. Well, we're going to do some prank calls here. We're getting

Getting to a start, we've got the Jackass Cafe.

We also have Nesbitt's Jackass Saloon and Eatery.

And the Yellow Brick Road Pub also here.

Hey, if Nunu can let...

Nunu wants me to make sure you're reading his messages.

Yeah, I am.

I was going to ask Nunu, what happened with the train depot?

Apparently, we pranked them so much.

We pranked them again on Monday.

We did a show on Monday the first year, this last Monday.

We were doing a show at 9 a.m.

And we pranked the guy that we pranked last time, the retarded guy.

No offense.

I hate to use the R word, but it's true.

He put the cordless phone in the trash live on cam.

We caught him doing it.

We asked him to do it.

I asked him to do it.

He did it.

And then I called him again, had a weird conversation with him,

and then all of a sudden he hung up,

and then they actually took the cam offline, completely offline.

They don't have their webcam up anymore.

I guess they got wise to us because it's been down ever since we did that to the guy.

So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but he's sending, Nunu's sending in a number here for Fremont Flowers.

Apparently they have a webcam feed right now live on the internet,

and there's people working late over there.

What are they doing? Let's pull that up.

As a matter of fact, I want to pull that up myself.

Take a look and see what that is.

Let's see here.

Fremont, I mean, are they a florist, or do they do, like, wholesale flowers?

Are they setting up, like, big pallets?

Hey, Milkman, you're going to have to be quiet, and I'm going to have to call you back, man.

Milkman.

milkman i just hung up on milkman i don't know what the hell he's doing he's talking about he's

gonna mute it i don't know okay oh he was telling me he couldn't mute it oh what did i hang up on

him whoops he'll call back he always calls back all right so before we call the flowers place

because i don't see anybody in the camera right now uh i'm gonna give a call to the green lantern

here as i promised so uh let's do that right away in the meantime we're gonna play a song here let's

pick a random song no acdc played a lot of that rate rightly rightly bob marley always something

There you go, white people.

Your favorite guy, your favorite black guy, here in the mouth, Bob Marley.

Let's do it.

That's very true.

Yeah, hi.

Green Lantern, right?

That's good, dude.

You ever heard of the Green Arrow?

I heard the Green Arrow got to a fight with the Green Lantern,

and he took the Green Lantern's lantern, and he shot the Green Arrow through it,

and they smelled green weed together.

Oh, she's so cool, and that's it.

What a bitch.

I'm going to call her right back.

No one does that to Carlito.

To place the call, I'm Carlito.

A Green Lantern has rings, right?

Not a lantern.

What does he use?

A ring?

What the fuck?

He's about to...

It's very confusing, Carlito.

God.

I don't get it.

All right, these bitches aren't going to answer.

Milkman, where are you exactly?

Are you in Walmart or something?

You sound like you're in the garden center at Walmart or something.

What are you doing?

Yeah, man.

Well, I just, like I said, after I got my shoe thing, I'm over here and I'm getting

Can you talk into the phone?

Do you have me on speakerphone, or can you talk into the phone?

Yeah, yeah, can you hear me?

I hear a very big echo.

It sounds like you're in a toilet.

Seriously.

Okay.

He's reading and he's fucking PM'd.

All right.

Like I said, I'm in the garden center now,

and we're just getting some feed together for the cattle, man,

because we've got a heavy milk and Africa in the morning.

All right, so, Nunu, tell me, how do I click on Cam 2?

It doesn't say Cam 2 anywhere.

Will you tell me where Cam 2 is?

How do I get to Cam 2 for the Fremont Flowers?

Because I would gladly give them a call, but only if I can see them, Nunu.

Click on Cam 2.

He said you can't even spell click right.

There's a tiny window that says Design Cam.

All right, it doesn't say Cam 2.

It says Design Cam.

Why don't you click on Design Cam, shitheads?

Let me see here.

Fremont Shop, Shore Room, Design Studio.

That's the one you're talking about?

It doesn't say Cam 2.

I think Nunu's too drunk right now.

Well, Nunu, when you say Cam 2, Cam 2, I don't see Cam 2 anywhere there.

I'm not going to know.

I'm a stupid kind of Spanish person.

I don't know.

Not a showroom.

Click on Design Studio.

All right, Nunu, we got a big guy.

He's in one of the U.K. browsers.

Yeah.

Good God, this guy.

Let me try to get a link for that here so I can send that directly to people.

Copy, link location, and if I put that in there, let's see if it works.

Yeah, right there.

Why don't you just put design.html at the end of it, you horse's ass, Nunu?

Jesus.

Jesus. Everyone, go to this webcam that I'm posting right now in the chat room if you see it.

Let me know if it comes up.

Actually, I don't think you can post in one of these chat rooms.

You can't post links anymore.

There we go, yeah.

Syndicate, I just posted it for you here.

Kokany is sent in the international card by email.

Thank you very much, sir.

Everyone, take a look at the cam.

I lost cam. What cam did I lose?

I'm not on here on cam anymore, DTT saying.

Hmm. Confirm that if there's no video.

I don't know.

All right, well, whatever.

Well, let me know there.

Cam, no audio. No cam, no audio.

There's a lot of trouble here tonight with NowLive again, unless it's me.

Are they still working on their problem?

Just the cam and put this screen for your audio.

I'll fix it here. Hang on, let me just reboot.

New listeners, that's what they can do.

Maybe they could experiment with their updates and stuff like on Monday in the morning or something like that.

Well, apparently there's a big update that's coming down the pike.

It's just they had they don't haven't hurried up and done it yet over in now

But it's a I've seen like they've they've already set up some some people on the new updated deal

But what's what's the reload key in?

Chrome is it f5. No, that's just hitting my music doesn't seem to be working for that. Let me try this something else

I like chrome f5 is refresh. I'm hitting f. Yeah, I'm highlighting it and I hit f5 and it does. There we go

All right. I had to turn my function lock on a parent. I have a wacky keyboard

board anyway so we should be fixed up there in a second all right so we're going to call this

florist place shouldn't be much longer okay is that is that one of them dominican uh laptops

no i don't use dominican laptops but my laptops come from cuba they've got russian parts in them

all right it's it's and then now live is stuck on saying connecting video servers so i'm going

to wait for that i think now i've just took a shit so it's connecting video server and it's

sitting there and it's loading uh so any of you people who are like dtt if you're in the madhouse

if you can let them know that's what i'm seeing now live is loading please wait and it says

connecting video server and that's where it's stuck so that's all that i see we'll see if we

can get dino to go there and have a serious heart-to-heart talk with them well he did on

friday actually um zola was having problems and zola and uh dino had to call and get involved

with that apparently there we go now it's back up now it should be there we go all the said cams

are gone too apparently lost girl saying i don't know i think we're back now it looks like we're

back all right so the flower plates let's do that here they are called nunu says uh fremont flowers

and i did send that link let me send it again in case some people didn't catch that because we

crashed that's a link to the camera to the place where we're going to uh be hooking up with in just

a second uh don't go anywhere let's play another song actually you get hey guys you want to play

some we can play a prank call from uh from monday actually which not a lot of people heard that show

live we can go ahead and do that let me get that up here that's what she said we're good what was

I'm trying to think here now.

There were a lot of good ones that night.

I don't know.

How about we just play a song until I figure it out?

Busta Rhymes.

Just a moment, folks.

Don't go anywhere.

I'm opening it.

Yeah.

Flipmo.

Check it out.

The only thing you need to do right here is snarl your fucking head.

If you would like to place an order, please press 1.

If you have a customer...

Thank you for calling.

A floral representative will be with you shortly.

I think it's...

I think this just goes to FTD, man.

Thank you for calling Fremont Flowers.

After hours...

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

Hi, I'm calling because this is totally unacceptable.

The rate at which you folks have delivered these flowers to my home,

and now we're going to have no way to celebrate the anniversary of the death of our father.

We're going to cover it with complete white tulle and flowers.

Now all we have is tulle with no flowers.

You know what that looks like?

I am so sorry, sir. I do apologize.

It looks like, you know those Baptist churches with a lot of people who aren't white that go to?

It looks like that kind of decorations.

Well, we're Lutheran, though.

I am so sorry, sir.

Have you ever tried to have a Lutheran funeral service without flowers?

Do you know what happens?

The people get angry, and they start having fights in the parking lot.

At every funeral, there's no flowers.

I want to speak with the head person in charge of the rose department, please.

All right, sir.

The physical shop is closed for today.

Well, who are you, then?

What did you reopen up at?

What did you do?

I'm in Arkansas.

So you're hacking them and you took control of their phone machine?

What did you do?

No, sir, I'm not hacking their phones.

I work at an off-site processing center.

They have their phones forwarded to us when they're closed.

So you take the calls and you take the blame after hours when they make the mistake

and they have you in the basement there and they make you do these bad calls to people,

like this call this woman made to me telling me that the flowers were never going to come,

I'm going to forget it.

Sir, we just take orders and we take messages for Fremont Flowers.

I want you to take a message for me.

Are you ready?

Sure, just one second.

Hurry up.

I'm sorry.

But please hurry.

Seriously, though.

All right.

And what is your first name?

This is Valente.

How do you spell your name?

V-A-L-E-N-T-E, Valente.

No, it's V-A-L-E-N-T-E.

That's right.

And your last name, Valente?

Valente is good enough.

All right.

And may I have a phone number for you, please?

No, no, no.

Starting with area code.

Put Mr.

Sir, I can't send a message without a phone number.

Would you be quiet for a minute?

Let me finish.

I want it to be Mr. Valente.

We're not getting to the phone yet.

I don't have a problem giving you the phone number, sir.

It's okay.

All right.

Mr. Valente.

All right, Mr. Valente.

Okay.

That's how I want it addressed as from FR colon Mr. Valente.

All right.

Okay.

Second line, phone number 407-459-4534.

And it was 407-459.

4-5-3-4.

I have an echo in here.

And then after that, confirmation number, 7-7-4-4-7-7-4.

Yes.

That's it.

All right.

And when was the delivery date, sir?

Line 1.

All right, sir.

I will have someone...

Hang on, hang on.

Listen.

I am transcribing my message.

Line 1.

Begin.

Yes.

You're going to write begin.

B-E-G-I-N.

Second line.

Line 9. Valente reporting flowers did not make it on time. Stop.

Yes.

Line 3. The call attendant is lying to me. Stop.

Yes.

Line 5. The call attendant called me a racial slur.

All right. Are you telling me that I called you a racial slur or someone that called you before?

I'm not done yet. The woman answering the phone is mean.

Just a second.

And she needs to be fired. End transmission.

Could you read that back, please?

Sure, just let me finish. The lady answering the phone was mean and needs to be fired.

Do you know her name, sir?

Let's just take out the fired part and just say laid off, or let go, let go.

And what was your name?

My name is Stacy.

Okay, and the last is her name is Stacy, and transmission.

All right, sir, could you please tell me when did I lie to you and when did I call you a racial slur?

Well, I know it's between me and you. I'm just, you're not going to get in trouble for it.

I'm just doing this so maybe they'll give me a little more, you know, give me a little more.

Well, sir, if my name is mentioned, then, yes, I will get mentioned.

Let me let you talk to one of my supervisors, sir.

Okay.

And they can help you further.

Well, I suppose.

So here we go again.

I have more to add in the message.

Just a second, sir.

These are bad people here.

It better be a man, too.

Yeah.

I'm not going to wait anymore.

That's enough.

Well, maybe.

You never know.

Let's keep it in the background.

All right, so if that doesn't go through, you can call in.

The toll-free line, I haven't activated it yet.

Well, no, Milkman is on the line.

You ought to try and call Dr. Nargis sometime in the voice and order flowers for a wedding,

not a white wedding.

Not for a white wedding.

It's a nice day for a white wedding.

Yeah, Athena's about to get the florist, apparently.

He's finishing on that.

We booked the limo.

She booked the limo this week.

For the wedding, Milkman, oh, just to let you know, Milkman, you're in the wedding party,

so you're going to be traveling in a trolley from the church to the reception.

Clearing the line, they're going to take forever.

From the church to the reception, it's going to be a trolley, you know, like one of those

buses that looks like a trolley with wooden seats inside and all that.

Milkman, you know what, Milkman, did we lose Milkman?

Milkman, damn you.

You said trolley, he skedaddled.

He got out of here when we hear troller.

Now he goes, yeah, did you hear him?

Right when they hang up, yeah.

Good work, Milkman.

Let's get Milkman back on the line.

He made a duh again.

God, you've got to love the guy.

But Jesus Christ.

That was fun, though.

That was a fun prank call.

I'm just pretending he's not hearing you.

That was a fun prank call, folks.

I hope you enjoyed that.

Why is it not dialing?

Come on, damn you.

There we go.

Okay, so the next call will be coming up next.

Let's see what we have here on deck.

The Stadium Bar and Pool Hall is also here.

That might be fun to do.

We also got Casino of the Sun.

Call tone while we connect you.

Japanese style, perhaps.

I got some Pizza Hut pizza today.

It was bad, you know.

I've been doing good with the diet and all that.

I got a coupon in the email.

Milkman.

I got a coupon by email today, and it was at the perfect time.

It was at 6.30 p.m.

And it was like $12.99, our biggest pan pizza, and I had to do it.

And you got to think about it.

I bet you they send that email, like, around dinner time.

So you're like, oh, damn it, you know.

It's a good feeling when you know you don't have to actually cook dinner, you know.

I know it's bad for you

And it costs money

It costs more

Especially at these times

But

It's only merely a coincidence

Right

They know what they're doing

Those guys

So we had fun with that prank call

That was kind of cool

Is Milkman at work

And he has to

Play

Kind of

Low key

Like he's talking to a

I don't know what he's doing

He said he's

Milkman says he's on his way home

But he's

Obviously not in the car

He's obviously not moving

Or walking anywhere

So he won't tell us

Where he's at

He's at work

He's lying

He's being like he's talking to a customer.

Yeah, and look, man, you're a liar.

You know that?

You're a liar just like that woman taking the message from us.

No, actually, I had to stop the stripper bar on my way home.

Yeah, all right.

Well, everyone, tell us what you thought about that last prime call,

if it was good or not.

Give us some feedback, why don't you?

That's correct.

We're kind of in the dark here.

It was cool.

It was cool, definitely.

And I think the woman ought to be concerned.

I mean, she ought to really be concerned

because her behavior is reflecting upon the organization

that she's trying to perpetrate

and act like she is a part of

only by diligent interrogation.

Kelly, it's an alert.

She doesn't even work there

and she's actually just some telemarketer

answering the phone somewhere.

Yeah, and the syndicate chairman was pretty funny.

They're talking about pizzas as I'm talking about it

and, you know, John Rick or Erica

from the John Rick of Family Machine

is saying about ordering pizza

and then Yoko says that Artie orders pizzas

and he just reeks of it

just comes out of your pores after a while if you eat a lot of pizza man that kind of eats out of

you get a ham and bacon pizza or what does it get i don't know he gets the deli pizza remember i

told you he likes deli pizza he puts cold cuts on it like already already will order it already

orders a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and when he gets in home he puts cold cuts on it and

american cheese and he puts it in the oven for another 10 minutes no i'm kidding but that's a

good idea you know actually i might do that the next time i get a pizza i'm gonna order an extra

to one, and I'm going to put cold cuts in it. I'm going to put some bologna. Yeah, hell

yeah, man. Chicken pork bologna with some chicken and pork franks and maybe turkey franks

as well. That's not a bad idea. Awesome. Garlic bologna and some Munster cheese would go good

enough. Yeah. Take it plain cheese. You have to get imitation, artificial, original mozzarella

Yeah, and they're talking about Domino's Pizza, Milkman.

You know, I'll tell you, Domino's and me do not have a good history.

I get a lot of, we call it Dom-a-blows.

Because every time that I get Domino's, it's only Domino's Pizza, dude.

I am farting, and it's some really loud, airy farts.

They don't smell, but they're loud, and they're intense.

And I've done it before where I've had Domino's Pizza and done a show,

and I ended up just farting.

I don't know what, it's something in Domino's, I don't know.

It's like Christian pizza, too.

Isn't it like a Christian company?

Aren't they like super godlike or something?

I don't know, but does it seem like it's just a mere coincidence

that, you know, Athena happens to leave town

usually whenever you place one of those orders?

Or is it?

Yeah, actually, it is.

It is a coincidence, you know.

What are you trying to do to me, man?

Are you trying to narc me out?

What's going on with you, man?

Are you trying to get me in trouble with Athena?

You know how she is with me and my bad eating.

Ah, damn it, dude.

Come on, chill out with it.

All right, so we've got some casinos here.

I don't do that anymore

you know

now that I've quit

drinking a lot and imbibing a lot

and stuff like that

I've noticed I don't have that raging appetite

that I would get at night

or feel useless in the morning

I used to wake up and I didn't have an appetite

I almost felt full

and it's because your body was working overtime

digesting all that hard to digest

crap and nutrientless stuff

overnight while you're asleep

Everybody's like, I don't, you know, you wake up in the morning like, I don't want breakfast.

I used to, you know, not eat breakfast, but now I eat when I wake up,

and that's the best time to eat because you've got good metabolism going on, you know.

All right, there's the international card.

What's your day with Cheerios or Wheaties?

Just, I do oatmeal sometimes.

Awesome.

But usually my breakfast now consists of egg whites.

I get egg beater, egg whites only, and I make a quick,

I scramble about one egg worth of that

On some wheat toast

Some stone ground wheat toast

And that's usually my breakfast

I might have some

Do you have some fruit with that too?

No I can't have fruit because I'm diabetic

I try not to but I have diabetic supplements

That I'm taking now that take care of that

How about artificial fruit?

That ought to be okay

Artificial fruit? Yeah I drink plenty of that

I drink tons of diet

Fucking sugar free Kool-Aid stuff

High wax content, low sugar content

exactly, that's what it is

Nunu was suggesting

we say we're Muslim, asking to make

Eid flowers and see

if the flowers are halal and accuse them of being

racist, well I did the racist part for you

Nunu, there you go

MSC3 Clay is a left handed person

he reports and he thanks us for brightening

his day, yeah apparently you're more

susceptible to dying

I know that it's a fact

it has to be a fact, someone

I'm asking, research that

but Clay, it's okay, just do what

what they did back in the night

in the 1800s or whatever.

Tie your hand behind you

because you're the devil.

If you're a Muslim kid,

they probably would have...

Not a Muslim.

Yeah, well, if you're Muslim,

but if you're a Mormon kid,

I meant to say that's probably

what would have happened to you.

Let's go ahead and do the next call

to the casino here.

I'm still in the process

of getting the old calls

from Monday up here.

Still haven't done that.

But we're going to call

the Casino of the Sun.

They are located in Tucson, Arizona.

In just a moment, folks,

we'll be right back

with the next prank call of the night.

Thank you.

I think it's time for a comeback.

Someone we haven't heard of from in a long time.

Thank you for calling, Sean Tull.

Yo, what's up? How you doing, yo?

I'm doing good.

Yo, it's Eddie. What's good?

I'm great.

Fucking bro, look.

Yo, I left my diabetes monitor and my insulin shots on top of this big machine.

You know the one that I'm talking about?

Do you know where we're at? What area?

Yeah, it was in the casino there.

Yeah, there was no windows or nothing, man.

I left the machine.

This machine, it goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

You know that one?

Do you know what kind of machine it is?

It's the machine.

Yeah, it goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Like that, when you put the money in, you pull the thing, the pee-pee down.

It goes, put the machine on.

I need the medicine, man.

Okay.

Fucking brawl.

Give me the shit.

Do you have lost and found?

Yes, let me find out if they found it.

Connect me to lost and found immediately.

Sure.

Now.

Yeah, we haven't heard from Eddie in a while, huh?

Eddie Garcia.

I think it's been over a year since we've had Eddie Garcia on the line.

And we have missed him.

What are you doing?

I don't know, man.

Last we knew, he got his car stolen.

Last we knew, his Mustang got stolen.

We're waiting in the background.

Just stay there, man.

In the meantime, let's see what else we got to call here.

We hope for her to come back and look for a diabetes machine, as I called it.

We got the Falling Rock Tap House.

Falling Rock Tap House is located in Denver, Colorado.

that's a weird city to live in and those people are kind of creepy aren't they in denver because

of the altitude milkman stayed over there he got sick um the stadium bar and pool hall

where are you transferring is this a is this a native american casino the which one are you

looking for this is casino del sol casino of the sun casino the sun yeah okay let me transfer you

to the sun hold on oh jesus isn't that the same thing christ you know the sun what's going on

John, is this an Indian Native American casino, or what is this exactly?

Can you explain it to me, please?

It is.

So, okay.

I was looking for your lost and found, because I, and I broke character in the meantime,

but I was looking for your lost and found because, unfortunately, I left my diabetes kit in front, on top of the machine.

And everyone's asking me, which machine, which machine?

And I think it's a joke at this point.

I heard on 2020 that there's this racket where casinos and places, they have a lost and found,

and they keep the stuff and they don't give it back and they sell it later after a year

when the state says that it's legally your property in the state of Arizona after a year.

Is that true? How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

Well, I can't answer that because I work in the back, so I don't know.

You work in the back?

It's not true, yeah.

Is there anybody who works...

I can answer the phone.

Are there any men who work in the back also?

Did you want to speak to a supervisor, security supervisor or something?

Well, what do you mean? Are you reporting me or something?

What's going on here? I mean, I don't want any trouble.

Well, I need to transfer your calls.

Why am I going to answer...

Why don't we have my green card out and take my social security number?

What's the problem?

Oh, she dared hang up.

To place a call, press 1.

Please enter your destination number, starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

I got a little aggressive with it.

What, the fucking audio still isn't working?

Enter your destination number.

The radio stream is working, so the audio is working.

Meaning, take a listen to the audio stream.

On caller ID or voice.

Press 1 to...

All right.

...Casino of the Sun and Casino del Sol.

If you know your party's extension, please enter it now.

Please hold.

Someone will be with you shortly.

Are we back on Syndicate?

Please let me know.

Are we back on Syndicate?

Let me know, damn it.

Thank you for calling Casino del Sol.

I need to speak to the Puerto Rican Casino.

Puerto Rican?

Yeah, the Sol one, the Spanish one, or the Puerto Ricans or something.

It's a yucky casino.

You said it was del Sol.

You transferred to a woman who called me a bad racist word, and she hung up on me after I told her to not...

That was Casino of the Sun.

There's some bad people there.

Let me call security personally on their cell, and then I'll transfer you over, okay?

I don't want any trouble with security.

Well, they're the ones that have the lost and found.

Oh, God. Are they nice people?

Yes, I don't know what their problem was. Hold on.

Assholes.

All right, good. We're getting some answers here. Good.

Milkman, don't go anywhere.

man thank you milkman's gonna be hanging on over there while we get ready for that transfer

calling the security directly on the cell phone folks that's that's a woman of action over there

i also do want to try to give a call back to that who got mad at me earlier and disconnected who was

that again what the hell was that green lantern no after the no no green lantern jackass cafe who

do we call what was the good first prank call that we had here green lantern who do we who the

the hell did we call someone jackass cafe no oh the floor no was the florist no green lantern it

was some bar no it was green lantern it was green lantern dude no it was green lantern it was green

lantern man yeah because remember i was like yeah you know green lantern john stewart john stewart

is one i remember hal jordan i didn't know john stewart no it was a black one it was a black

green lantern when did he be the black lantern see dude it's very confusing god all right folks

I'm going through the whole Green Lantern thing as I know what Atherton calls.

I'm missing a coffee bag.

Hey, Milkman, you there?

Milkman?

I'm missing a coffee bag, a gold-plated coffee bag.

Who are you talking to?

Milkman?

I'm talking to you, and I need you to tell her I'm missing a gold-plated coffee bag.

It's been in the family for many years.

Did she come back, or what happened?

What the fuck is she talking about?

You've just been talking, and nothing's happened yet.

Oh, okay.

No, I hung up an accident.

Yeah, I cleared the line on accident.

I've been doing that.

I've been really bad with the line lately.

But didn't you get a prank call to himself?

I guess so.

Milkman's over there entertaining.

He's like playing with little dolls by himself.

Hey, look at me.

This is my Carlito doll over here.

This is Milkman doll.

Here's the tuck.

Let's try to call them back.

The Casino of the Sun.

The Puerto Rican Casino.

Oh, my God, you guys.

We got to get Hollywood on the line here, too, eventually.

I'm sure.

He's watching or listening or whatever you want to call it.

Hang on, folks.

The casino coming right back.

Damn it.

Highway 69.

69.

So please listen carefully.

If you are trying to reach the Gold Rush Club, press 1.

For the security podium, if you are trying to reach Blackjack or Poker, please call 777.

I'm not trying to reach Blackjack or Poker.

I don't know either of those people.

Please hold while I transfer your call to that extension.

Milkman, you there?

You lazy bum?

Toilet man.

Milkman hanging out in the toilet tonight.

night yavapai casino security hi is this the puerto rican casino uh no this is yavapai casino

oh see because i called earlier and i was some woman i've been hung up on twice i lost my diabetes

machine when i was in the casino i put it on top of that machine over there and now no one says

they can find it are you breathing into the phone no stop doing that stop breathing stop breathing

Stop breathing into the phone.

Stop breathing into the phone, ma'am, please.

I'm not doing anything.

Who is this?

Someone's breathing.

You're making a lot of noise.

Is your nose close to the phone?

That's disgusting.

No, it's not.

I need my diabetes medicine.

I need my insulin and my pills and my blood glucose.

What machine is it on?

The one that goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

That one.

There's a machine.

I was sitting at it.

I know you people know which one it is.

I left my pills there, and I need them.

I saw on the TV, on the newsbusters, they said that you people were taking the stuff

and keeping it after a year, and then you sell them on places like that.

You sell them back, the people's property.

I can hear the machine in the background.

It's that one.

Jesus, this is stupid.

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to your recorded call, press please enter your destination number,

starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Milkman, take it this time.

Take it, Milkman.

Yes, sir.

Thank you for calling Yavapai Casino, located...

Yavapai.

Please hold while I transfer your call to that extension.

What the hell was I saying?

Gamble on plates called to Yavapai.

I bet you those machines aren't clean.

They probably got a lot of filth on them.

A lot of fecal matter.

Yavapai Casino.

Hello?

Paul?

Yes, did you find my pills yet?

Uh, no we didn't.

I was talking...

Nobody's turned them in.

I was talking to this guy over there,

and he said that he was going to look,

and then he hung up on me.

Uh, what machine number?

It's the one that I can hear in the background.

It makes that noise all the time.

That machine, I sat down, I was pulling down the thing and everything,

and the next thing I know, my pills, I left them either inside where the money goes

or on the very top next to the light machine.

I need these pills because I'm feeling my sugar's already very low,

and I can't get behind the wheel of my rental car now.

Hold on, we'll check.

Can you please help me?

No, I told you to jump in.

And they hung up again.

All right, I'm done with them.

Now I'm just pissed off now.

No one hangs up on Carlito.

I think they are.

I saw a trailer for the new Che Guevara movie.

There's a movie on Che Guevara coming out.

Starting Benicio Del Toro.

Apparently it did well in Cannes, from what I understand.

and the trailer looks good.

Whoa, it's a con.

A room of cons.

Yeah, con.

Milkman, do the call this time.

You hear me, Milkman?

That extension is not available right now.

If you would like to leave a message, press 1.

If you would like to...

This is the Yavapai Gaming Agency.

Our normal business hours are...

Someone's got to answer.

Just got to keep it...

Please hold while I transfer your call to...

Yavapai Gaming Agency.

We'll get someone, don't worry.

They're all Indians answering the phones over there too

Like

All right, I give up on the Yavapai

The Yavapai tribe

Apparently

Yeah, fuck you

You didn't take that

Fuck you, white man

I do not answer the phone after sun god go down for night.

When wolf come out at night, I do not answer the phone.

You have a pie.

All right, so now we can call the lodge at Cliff Castle Casino as well.

Milkman, if you're excited about that, because I sure am.

You have no money to suck out of.

Before I continue, I want to cue up one of these good calls from last week.

This is Carlito leaves an angry message from our Monday show.

Our Monday show has delved into the point where we're looking at the Sunday paper for job postings

and then prank calling them at 9 o'clock in the morning.

It's pretty fun on Monday, no less.

So let's play this one here while we get the next call ready.

We're going to call the lodge at Cliff Castle Casino.

They're in Camp Verde, Arizona, or Verde, depending on where you're from.

Hi, you've called Jerry Trulia.

Reach me, press 2, or simply stay on the line.

At the tone, please say your name.

I'll have to play that later,

when you get the idea.

Thank you for calling the front desk.

All of our operators are currently busy.

Shit, I'm Eddie fucking Garcia.

Why do white people slam the door so hard

when they close their car door?

Why do white people do that?

Puerto Ricans don't do that.

White people, they just like...

Why do you mean white people do that?

White people do that?

I don't see any coloreds doing that.

What does that say?

White people slam their doors hard.

Talk, what the hell?

Milkman is not white.

He's Japanese.

That's what you should have said to the Casino of the Sun.

So you just sat there with your thumb up your ass.

Here we go.

This is more like it.

I gotta go get some cold pizza after this call.

Your call is being answered by IP Office.

Hotel.

Fuck IP Office, motherfucker.

Alright, let's play the rest of this call here.

Hey, you jerk.

I need a job, and I don't appreciate the fact that you've got an ad here in the paper to call you,

and I've been trying to call you all morning looking for this stupid job,

and you won't pick up the stupid damn phone.

When I call back, I want to talk to a real person.

I'm going to talk to your supervisor, Mr. Turdy,

and get down to the answers I'm going to have your job.

You better answer next time I call.

That's it, okay?

It was kind of funny when you heard the aftermath of that.

Well, Milkman, you couldn't hear it at all, buddy.

Sorry about that, but we do what we can.

In the meantime, let me look at some of these other calls here that we can play, recent ones.

I can play, I'll play the second part of Auto Salvage Yard again here, for those of you who have not heard it.

We played it again on the Monday show, but it bears replaying a little bit of it at least.

This is call number two.

This is by RekBoot.

I'll play in just a moment.

Oh, Hollywood says Panty Dropper.

Was Panty Dropper that good?

That was like short and sweet, I thought.

It was like ten seconds long.

Panty Dropper, he says.

All right, I'll give you the Panty Dropper here.

here, just a moment. Let's take a look at that.

Did you hear the panty dropper call, Milkman?

Were you around for that one? I was there.

I was on the show. Yeah, it was awesome.

Oh, you were for the show. I didn't know you were.

Here's a set of

Milkman, Hollywood wrote

here, here's a set of two calls from the end of a show

on Monday. The first one Carlitos quickly hung

up on, but the second one is disturbing

because the lady tells him that the position is

filled if he's wanting to apply and

clearly is discriminating.

Well, interesting. Okay, here we go.

Hi there. How you doing? I was calling

only interested in driving your van machine okay um i like i like driving vans i used to own a van

when i was in high school i had a mattress in the back and i called it the panty dropper and i like

wrote it on the sides of and everything was really cool i had neon lights

yeah but it's true yeah so i even installed in the back like a big amp and i used to play my

guitar the electric guitar in the van if you're gonna look are you interested in the position

No, I'm just, you're not allowed to make assumptions.

I'm just telling you, I used to own a van.

I didn't know how to drive a van.

I have credentials, lady.

I have experience in the van machine.

What's the problem?

What kind of, are these, what ton?

Are these 1.5 ton vans or two?

Are they two or 1.5 tons?

I have no idea.

I'm not in control.

Well, why you, why good are you?

Can you put a man on the phone who can answer my questions?

If you'd be a little bit nicer, maybe I can help you.

I don't have to be nice.

I'm applying for a job.

Okay, well, in this case, the position's been filled.

If I call back and it's not filled, it's against the law.

You understand that?

I'm going to have somebody else tell you.

Equal opportunity.

You know what?

I'm going to call...

It's a human number.

I'm going to answer the phone each time.

So, sir, what is your name in there?

I'm going to call the new solvers right now that you're discriminating against me.

I'm not discriminating, sir.

I'm just trying to get your information.

Well, you already told me.

You already told me the position is filled, so I hope that it's not filled.

Maybe there's another position.

What?

Is it a car?

Sir, can I have your name and your phone number?

Jack, don't, you're very rude.

You're very rude.

I don't, you know what?

I decline your application.

I'm not approving you.

Okay.

I command you to hang up the phone now, because I am superior to you.

Now, what are you going to do?

Will you admit inferiority?

Go ahead.

Admit it.

You're inferior.

Hang up the phone.

Exactly.

All right, yes, she is inferior.

All right, Milkman, when are you going to be home so we can get you in the line?

Because Reclude wants to call in, and others want to call in as well, my friend.

Okay, I'm here now, so I'll be online in about the next minute or two.

All right, cool.

I'm going to take a quick break for five minutes, and then I'm going to grab some cold pizza,

and I'm probably going to get a beer that's been in the fridge for about six months.

And I am going to...

Cold pizza sounds good.

Yeah.

Breakfast of champions.

Cold beer and pizza.

That's how I wake up every Saturday morning before I go to work.

Cold beer and pizza.

All right, Milkman, hurry up and get in a team speaker, all right, buddy?

All right, 10-4.

Thank you.

It is, man.

It puts hair on your chest.

That's what we need.

That's what Artie needs, to get hair on his chest.

He's got a very bare chest.

right, so we're doing okay.

We've got an average show tonight.

It's not the best for pranks, but we're having a good time.

We've got a lot of news articles to get to here when we come back from the break,

and we've got some more pranks to do.

Coming up, we're going to start calling the U.K. here.

At this time, I'll let you know what time it is in the United Kingdom.

It's 4.20 a.m., dude, 4.20.

Spark it up.

4.20 a.m. in the U.K., so we're going to wake them up.

Maybe with some marijuana humor.

It's always fun.

We've got Mark Stone and Kim Chan

The People's Republic of the United Kingdom

Also, we've got the Falling Rock Tap House

The Stadium Bar and Pool Hall

I've said already I wanted to call

Haven't gotten to it yet

Also coming in, Fairytale and Mad Hatter's Tea Room

And the Yellow Brick Road Pub

I'm sure you'll like that

Since you're a big fan of the Beatles there, Tuck

The Yellow Brick Red Pub

And finally, rounding out the coming up next

Prancing Pony Coffee Bar

That was in Las Vegas

We're in a Vegas-y kind of mood tonight.

In the meantime, please visit MadHouseLive.com.

MadHouseLive.com is the website where we hang out.

Did you say Beatles and the Yellow Brick Road?

Yes, I did.

Didn't they do Yellow Brick Road?

Was it not the Beatles?

I thought they did.

Or was it the Yellow Submarine?

So that's like Pink Floyd doing Stairway to Heaven, is it?

I suppose.

So when we come back, we've got those and more prank calls to do.

Of course, your calls will be accepted.

accepted the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509 again it's 1-888-278-8509 madhouse radio if

you're using aol or yahoo instant messenger again that's madhouse radio and uh pink floyd

yeah pink floyd does stairway to heaven that's right and willie nelson uh willie nelson did

that song you got to know when to hold them i love that song you got to know when to hold them

No way in the fold, and we'll be right back in about five minutes.

Don't go anywhere, folks.

We love yous.

House Radio will be back right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

They're not here.

Thank you for calling about the post position.

Yo.

Gina.

Hey, Gina.

Gina.

Gina, I want to make that happen.

I want to be the post office man.

I would love to deliver the mail.

I have experience.

I was in the Army, so I have experience, and I have federal benefits experiences.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do I have to be in the union to get this job?

No, sir.

Oh, okay.

I can let you know everything you need to know.

But first, may I please have the correct spelling of your first name?

Hey, I just want to let you know, I hit the zero number,

and I got to skip that whole long, boring thing.

So can you explain it to me?

Because I just wanted to talk to a real person.

Okay, ma'am, please have the correct spelling of your first and last name.

Well, you know, before we get into that, ma'am,

I mean, I really would like to make sure they're not being taken for a ride.

What are you offering me? I'm a star.

I'm offering you the materials to prepare for the mandatory exam, sir.

For what mandatory exam? Explain the exam to me.

I am good. I use a paper and a pencil, and I fill in the dots, and I give it in.

I give it in to the woman or the man in the front.

No, sir. Are you taking it on a computer?

On my computer machine or yours?

No, sir, at a testing facility.

Okay, but what's the deal here?

When they go to the testing facility, how much does it cost to use the computer?

Is that worthy it is?

Is that how you do it?

There is no fee for the exam, sir.

All right.

Is it a hard exam?

You will have to prepare for it.

It's not common knowledge if that's what you're asking.

Well, is it one of those easy ones like a Mickey Mouse exam?

That's exactly what I'm good at.

I'm good at Mickey Mouse exams and classes and training.

No, sir, it's not a Mickey Mouse exam.

Do I need the drug test to come in?

Yes, sir.

Do you know how long, like, does that include, like, all the substances?

Like alcohol? Does it include alcohol?

I don't know. I'm not sure, sir.

How long does it take?

Let's say that I was at a Rolling Stones concert last week,

and there might have been something passed around,

and I might have taken a few hits.

How long would it take for that to get out of my system so I could pass the exam?

Sir, you're not serious about this, are you?

Well, yeah, I am.

I just want to make sure maybe I should hold off a week or drink a lot of water

or vinegar or something like that.

I have no idea, sir.

Does it take like maybe two or three weeks to get out of your system?

I have no idea.

Do you do a hair test or is it a urine test?

I have no idea.

Because I heard there's this test where you get on a treadmill.

I have no idea.

You run on a treadmill and they take the sweat off the crack of your ass

and they test that.

I have no idea.

Because the toxins come out the latest.

I have no idea, sir.

The crack of your ass.

So you don't do the crack of your ass what test?

Hello, ma'am?

Okay, we lost her.

She has no idea, Milkman.

Am I talking to a person?

Yes, sir, you are.

I want to do that firework sales thing.

Okay, and what area of town are you calling from, sir?

I'm calling from Orlando, the Orlando machine.

I am well known around here.

I used to sell pumpkins for Halloween.

Right now, what we're doing...

I'm not done with my credentials.

I sell live turkeys in the back for Thanksgiving,

and you can throw rocks at them,

and then however many you hit, if you stone it, you get to keep it.

It's $5 a stone.

Really?

Yeah.

Interesting.

Right now what we're doing is taking down names and numbers for the Orlando area manager.

Right.

She'll be contacting you back to schedule an interview.

I also do the Christmas trees.

We've already got that taken care of.

I got so angry at these Puerto Ricans that came

that they didn't want to buy the damn Christmas trees that I threw it on top of their car.

I don't mean to cut you short, sir.

I gave it to them, those stupid assholes.

Don't hurry up and buy the stupid Christmas dress

And just take the stupid thing

Take the stupid thing

When you die

They put your GPS in your box

And a trap door at the bottom

So when you die

You open that trap door at the bottom

You check the GPS

And you go straight down to the hell

Madhouse Radio is back

You are bigger than a woman

You are better than a woman

We'll always be behind you

Do not let a woman

We'll always be behind you

Ever

Make you who you are

and i'm in trouble you know what i did guys

hey man um that's what i'm talking about that was awesome i was fucking hearing that again

this is good the second album yeah man uh i made some sugar-free kool-aid strawberry the really

bright red one and i spilled quite a bit of it i spilled quite a bit of it on the carpet over here

And there's a big red stain now

So Athena's going to be pretty mad at me

Tomorrow morning

You better get that tan packed out

And clean that mess up

How do you get that out?

What do you do?

I don't know

Anybody have any suggestions?

If you take and urinate

Right on top of the stain

It has a very strong

Removal component

Built into your gun

I don't think so

Not to go about peeing on the floor

You monster

That's something you would do

Blame it on Carly.

Milkman, you probably spit on the floor, don't you, at your house?

All the time, you're like...

No, I pee on the floor.

That's nasty.

Do you pee in the toilet floor, like in the bathroom floor in front of it?

Do you drip?

You probably do because you're old.

I'm a shower peer.

Oh, that is disgusting.

Gross, dude.

It's very shoddy.

That's the way we did it in the old days.

No, it's not.

In the old days, they used toilets, Milkman.

They still do.

All right, Rick, what's going to be calling in?

And let me open up the toll-free line for him.

Give me just a moment here, Milkman.

I need to concentrate so I can do that.

Reckloot's going to be joining us here tonight.

Giving it a gander.

Tuck's whispering over there.

Bob Levy's checking in as well.

What's up, Reverend Bob Levy?

The Reverend Bob Levy's checking in as well.

Yuckle the Clown.

Psychic Chuck, I believe, he'll be on later tonight.

Psychic Chuck, later tonight on Syndicate Radio.

Confirm that there, Mr. Ching Chong Ching.

Let us know.

That's him.

John Ricker says, you know what, John Ricker?

That's close enough for me.

The Reverend Bob Levy endorsing us here tonight.

That's right.

Thank you, Bob Levy.

That's right.

You heard it here first.

Reverend Bob Levy endorses the Madhouse Radio Show.

And he says, you're welcome.

So good.

In all caps and black bold, motherfuckers.

Get that.

You get that from the real Bob Levy.

He would never listen to my show.

The voice of the best chapters of Artie's Too Fat to Fish.

already being missing

almost all week

did the vacation

did the new vacation

start this week

I don't know

the new Christmas break

didn't start this week

did it

they're still going to be

on next week

and then they're leaving

for the best of

right

and all that

or the history of Howard

which I'm looking forward to

can someone let me know

verify

is Howard live next week

they do

a few weeks

and then they go off again

okay

I think they still have

another week

before they leave again

though

I hope they do

that would suck

they came back

for a week

and left again

the other thing

they mentioned

mention, when's Bubba

the Love Sponge's last day? Is it tomorrow?

And was he not, wasn't there some

kind of technical issue? Bubba's vacation

started Tuesday, okay.

I've been hearing it. He was going

off again about

his problems with the,

and they kept dumping him.

Really? That's bullshit.

I heard the late

night repeat, the replay,

and it was like a repeat

from 2007. Wow,

that's crazy. So they're blaming it on technical issues,

but there really aren't apparently.

Because I heard today on the news, excuse me, I'm still chewing my

crufts over here. On the news they said there was

some kind of... You cannot get access

to the toll-free line. Reclude is

not able to call in. Still busy.

Beep. Oh my god, panic.

Hang on. Because I got sidetracked and I

forgot to hit enable number and I forgot to hit

OK and I forgot to hit apply.

Red alert.

Alright, Reclude, go ahead and call in, man. Reclude

should be clear now. Go red, go red.

Go green, go green. Go green.

Go green, Reclude. Go dynamic.

Uh, so, yeah.

Uh, I'm a big fan of Bubba the Luskbun,

so is it final?

That's the deal.

He's not gonna be on Sirius anymore,

and he's gone.

It's over.

Because I wanted to hear his last show.

I thought his last show would be the shit, apparently.

And so, Tuck is reporting that all they did was cut it off

and, and, and edit it, bump it.

They bumped it all up.

Is that what they did?

That's bullshit.

Well, Bubba kept going, going off about it.

Just let him go off.

Who cares?

Let him vent.

And they, they, I know.

I don't know what, I don't know what's going on.

You know, Sirius looks like a bunch of assholes.

Number one, I'm so pissed off at them.

All this stuff is Howard for me.

They got rid of Backspin.

They got rid of all the good shit.

Rick Lude, what's up, bro?

What's up, man?

Finally got that open for you.

How you doing, man?

Fuck yeah, dude.

Milkman tying up the line the whole time, and he was home the whole time.

He just insisted on being on the phone.

Fucking around the phone.

Did you get a Skype or some shit, bitch?

Motherfucker, man.

Yeah, I know, dude.

How's it been for you this week?

Oh, dude, it's been fucking amazing, dude.

Yep.

You got some nice massages the last couple days.

Happy release massages or just a massage?

Fucking, well, I got a legitimate one at a legitimate place.

Like, no handjob shit.

Okay.

Or a good-looking broad, too, for fucking...

Well, last night I got kind of like a studio massage, so...

Yeah, there you go.

I'm really legitimate.

You got the hand release, huh?

As we used to say.

Remember those days?

Hell yeah, dude.

I forgot about that.

Did you still have that song?

That wasn't awesome.

The theme song was great.

It was you singing,

Hand release.

It was like Michael McDonald.

I was trying to sing like Michael Donald.

It was so shitty.

That was funny.

The hand-release song.

Man, those were the times, back when it was a show.

I had, like, two songs that were, like, 60 seconds long.

Yeah, yeah.

I used to play them, like, all the time.

Yeah.

I was so fucking coked up back then, dude.

Awesome, dude.

Holy shit.

So you saw, I added a bunch of shit to YouTube, including your prank.

I hope you don't mind, but I put it out there.

Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

Dude, I've been playing those for everybody.

Yeah.

They're fucking losing their mind.

Yeah, there's a...

Those are pretty good.

I want to make some shorter...

Like, what I'm trying to do is I've been studying, like, a bunch of...

This sounds retarded, but it's true.

Like, I've been studying a bunch of pranks and listening to nothing but pranks, like, the last couple days.

Uh-huh.

And it's, like, I found out, like, the best way to do it is, like, to kind of, like, there's good people that can, like, steer the pranks, like, into a smaller amount of time.

Okay.

And get a reaction real quick.

Right.

And just, like...

You know what I mean?

And it's, like, I got good reactions out of the guy, but it was, like, nine minutes.

You know what I mean?

Which is still good.

I mean, you can sit and listen to it, but, you know, I wonder if the Jerky Boys edit their pranks.

I think they do.

Oh, they do.

Yeah, you can hear where they kind of, here and there, they take out.

I do.

I take out pauses and stuff like that all the time of my calls.

Like, when I make them official or whatever, I take out a bunch of shit from them a lot of times.

Yeah, I wonder if they took, I'm just curious how much they took out.

Like, I mean, I know you take it off when you're on hold or some shit.

Yeah.

But, I mean, this seems like they take shit out of, like, the conversation.

Right, they splice up the conversation almost so it sounds like it flows better or stuff like that.

It's very easy to do that.

It's hard to tell.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think maybe.

Maybe I just like to do it normal.

Yeah.

All right, so I'll tell you what we got.

We got a...

That's how Richard ones are, too.

They're tight enough a lot.

We got a Fat Boy's Pizza that just came in.

Fresh and Fancy Donuts came in, and we got some houses in the U.K.

And we've got a U.K. card front of us.

A house in the U.K.?

Yep.

Fucking this shit again.

Yeah, I know.

Those motherfuckers, you can get a good prank off them sometimes.

Right.

They get all serious and pissed off.

Right, yeah.

I wonder how many people prank.

I guarantee they have a good prank crowd over there or something.

Oh, yeah.

Actually, the second biggest crowd, I think, for pranks is in Britain, after the United States.

I get most of my hits on a website outside of America from the U.K.

They're big and new news around and all that.

Oh, really?

Yeah, they do a lot of pranks on the radio over there, too.

Like a big prank call radio kind of deal.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

The U.K., dude, they're all about the pranks.

I'll have to hear some shit like that.

Yeah, man.

I'll send you points.

I'll have to get into that.

I heard a call.

I'll tell you what, though.

You ever heard that one where they prank fucking Prince Charles?

No, I haven't heard the...

They play it on the Stern Show.

Oh, where the guy called the radio show, right?

Jesus Christ.

He had a hair in the back of his throat.

That was one of the most amazing fucking prank calls I've ever heard like that.

Yeah, he's like, oh, oh, oh, excuse me, I was with Lady Diana.

Oh, it's a very bad line.

No, it was like, I was with Lady Diana last night and he had a hair in the back of his throat.

Yeah, he goes, Princess Diana screws the elephant man and she does it with the Queen Mother watching.

Yeah.

Bubble booey, bubble booey.

And Prince Charles will go down with his own cinder.

I don't understand.

I don't understand

What's happening

And he goes

And then when the guy

Calls back

Like immediately

And says again

What do you think

About people who

Call in like that

Prince Charles

And he goes

Oh I think they're sick

I don't

He's like so stupid

And you know

You can't avoid

Something like that

You can't possibly

Avoid something like that

Yeah

Those fuckers

So alright

Let's see this shit here

See what you got

Let me see what you got

Sent here

We got fucking

Karen Morton

Peter Murray

And Yorkshire England

I don't know what to say

To these motherfuckers

Thousand Oaks, California

Fresno

I was just out there.

Oh, yeah.

Fucking Oaks.

That was Oaks.

Nice little neighborhood.

Nice little spot.

Cool.

Fucking bunch of...

I'll tell you what, though.

I love them fucking

beaner broads.

Right.

I'll tell you what, though.

A bunch of hot fucking

Mexican broads out there.

You were about to say

Spick.

I heard you.

That's funny, though.

No.

You're like a bunch of

beaners.

You're a fucking asshole.

Don't be an asshole.

Don't be starting shit, yo.

All right.

Fucking like that

cocksucker from the...

Anyway, I'm fucking high as hell.

Let's get to some pregs

for the outside guy.

Let's do Fat Boy's Pizza.

Does that work?

Fat Boy's Pizza.

We can do that.

All right, we'll try that.

Take it away.

Or you want to do this?

What is this?

Davenport, Iowa.

You ever heard of it?

No.

How about Davenport, Florida?

Who cares?

Iowa sucks.

Yeah, there's a bunch of, I don't know, mouth breathers in Iowa.

They're kind of like...

Kind of slow out there.

Yeah, isn't that like a fucking shitty part of the...

Of the country.

...earth?

Yeah, it's like Ohio, but kind of more redneck, I think.

So it's Fat Boy's Pizza.

All right.

Alright, so, how quick, I meant to ask you, how quick can you switch that spoof card to, like, a different number?

What do you mean, like, to...

Does it take a bit?

To spoof to a different number?

You know what I mean, like, you switch, I know you can, you know what I'm saying, you spoof the number, but then, that one thing where it's, like, where it comes back to...

To make it ring to a different number?

Yeah.

Oh, that's easy, I just type in what number I want it to ring to, and it's done.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know that, but I'm just saying, not what shows up on the caller ID,

but you know that one other thing?

That newer thing where basically you call back and you set up a voicemail?

Yeah, the Grand Central thing.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, is that fast to change?

To change?

Well, what do you want to change?

The number that goes out?

Maybe change it to, say, if we're calling a certain place.

I mean, it'd probably be a U.S. only.

Right.

But, you know, say we're calling some place in Davenport,

we can go back and forth and all that shit.

Right, yeah, they stop giving out numbers now.

They just give you one number because I guess they're running out.

Yes, I have two.

I have another one somewhere also, a 305 Miami number somewhere that I took out.

Oh, yeah, I got to get one of those.

Yeah, they're on an invite.

Yeah, you got to sign up for an invite, and they're, like, reserved now.

They come out, like, in blocks.

They send out everyone who sent a reserved one.

So the best thing to do is, like, reserve one, or if I get invites, I'll send you one.

I'll send it to your email.

Oh, shit, yeah, because I got to get one.

and I'll see if I can get one in town.

Yeah.

It doesn't matter.

I mean, people still call it anyway.

Right.

Yeah, I want to change it to,

I got one in my hometown,

like my home area.

I want to change it to, you know,

somewhere else, different.

Just to add a little more anonymity.

Yeah, I wanted to get one in L.A.

if I do, you know,

anywhere I want to do business at.

So somebody would keep going out there,

you know, get one out there.

It'd be kind of cool, I guess.

Right, right.

For business.

But, I mean, I'd rather just do it for pranks

and do it for the lulz.

That's what it's for.

Anyways, all right.

All right, cool.

I've got a fucking, let me see here.

Pizza or donuts?

Is it going to be the pizza or the donuts?

We've got it up on Google Maps here.

You got it?

All right.

The Radisson, Fat Boy's Pizza, the Radisson, and Davenport, Iowa.

Okay.

Artie announcing, as we reported here earlier, that he is actually dropping out of college

thanks to Syndicate Radio.

Who?

The big Artie guy.

You know Artie?

Goodness.

He's drinking a gallon of milk right now.

Artie, you know there's the, I don't know if you ever heard.

He's drinking a gallon of milk.

He's eating Oreos and a gallon of milk, so he's just going at it.

Holy shit.

Yeah, big guy

Jesus Christ

He looks like a pile

Fucking Oreo

No, that's like brownie or something

Oh, those little soft brownies

You got out of the vending machine

I love those things

Oh, those fucking

Yeah, those little dabbies or some shit

Those gooey

I'm on it

Fudge brownies

I am fucking on it

I'm telling you

Fudge brownies

Yeah

That looks really good being high right now

I know

I wish I could have it

Even if I was high, I can't have it

Because of the damn sugar

It sucks

Are you diabetic now?

Yeah, oh, I've been diabetic

But they have sugar-free Oreos now, man

Sugar-free Oreos are good

Oh, yeah, dude, that's some beast-ass fucking sugar-free stuff.

Anyway, I'm fucking so high.

Yeah, come on, yeah.

Goddamn sugar-free Oreos and shit.

All right, fuck.

All right, let's get to business here.

Fat Boy's Pizza, we're involved.

I'm so high, I cannot guarantee you get prank calls tonight.

Okay.

But we'll try.

We'll try.

We'll sure as fuck try.

All right, all right.

So you're ready to do it?

Yeah, we're ready.

All right, we're ready.

All right, cool.

Let's do that.

Hang on, folks.

Don't go anywhere.

All right, answering there.

You want me to try the donuts instead?

Yeah, try the doughnut.

Is this the doughnut place?

What?

Hello, is this the doughnut place?

Hey, how are you?

Christ, is this the doughnut place, man? Is this it?

Yes.

Okay, cool, man. You got that one beaner girl working in there, you know what I'm talking about?

She's a little chunky.

Chunky?

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, that little beaner girl?

She's got like fat ass and shit, she's pretty bowed.

So what's up, man?

Oh, how are you?

Jesus Christ, what are you, Israeli, or what?

What are you, uh, hello?

Come on, tell me your nationality, or this prank is dead.

Oh.

Yeah?

What's up?

You got any bitches?

You got some fucking putas in there?

What's up, man?

I'm sorry, I don't speak English.

You don't speak English?

Hey, puta, fucking, puta, beaner, broads, man, Mexico girls.

Like, you know what I'm saying?

Like, um, fuck.

Maybe my buddy knows how to speak fucking Spanish.

I can't.

Hello?

Hello, buddy?

Yes.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Hang up the fucking phone, dude.

That guy's fucking stupid.

What the fuck?

That was like the shittiest fucking thing.

Hello?

Dumbass.

Jesus fucking H. Christ.

That was a fucking trade wreck.

How the hell are you supposed to prank fucking somebody that doesn't...

Might as well call fucking France.

Yeah, they can't speak English.

What's the point?

Why are you in America?

Answer the phone.

We got Ghulam

Ghulam Muhammad

And he's in

Dewsbury, West Yorkshire, England

If you want to call him as an Arab

Ghulam Muhammad

Alright, I say we call him

Oh man, let's try to

Some like cute vampire chick

Shut up and fucking syndicate

Yeah, she's the girl down there with the darkness

You see her? She's got

A bunch of darkness on her

What's up, dark girl? How you doing, dark girl?

What's up, darkness?

darkness is spreading

in syndicate radio

you're like dark

you're not supposed

to smile

you're supposed to

be evil and shit

yeah she's a frown

I don't know

like oh

she gave you

the finger

recklessly

watch out

what that means

show them

titties

oh god you guys

really all you need

to know

alright

what we got here

what we got

Mohammed

Mohammed dude

I don't want to be

all racist

are there any Arabs

on fucking

syndicate radio

DTT

he's cool

he's down

DTT do you like

Tell me if you'd be offended by, like, who cares?

Who cares if the ETT's offended?

Come on, he's not going to get offended.

He's a good guy.

Dude, we've done so much.

I probably, when I was all coked up and shit,

I probably did all sorts of fucking anti-whatever.

Yeah, he's fine.

Don't worry about it, man.

Let's just do it.

He loves it.

Yeah, all right, cool.

International call here.

We're calling the UK, the United Kingdom, bitches.

Gulan Mohamed in Yorkshire, England.

One moment, folks.

We'll play music now.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello, I'm speaking to Mohamed, please.

Hello?

Speaking.

Okay, I'm going to speak to Mohamed, please.

Gula, Mohamed?

Yeah, speaking.

Is this you?

Yeah.

Please, put Mohamed on the phone for me, please.

Hello?

Fucking ass.

Your balance is $4.71.

Since, please enter the area code and number you wish to call.

Let's take a look here.

Call him?

No, no, no.

Call him again.

All right, cool.

We'll do that.

The guy was, like, asleep, and he was pissed off.

This might be good.

The maximum time for your call is 45 minutes.

Please wait.

Thank you, Kokanee, for the card number.

Much appreciated.

I'm sure you can do as excited as well.

Hello?

Hello, my speaker, Mohamed, please.

Why do you hang up on me?

Hello?

I want to print that guy.

Jesus Christ.

Your balance is $4.42.

Please enter the area code and number you wish to call.

How about Kim Chan?

You want to try her?

Kim Chan?

Where?

The same place?

Yeah, Berksley, England, or something.

The maximum time for your call is 42 minutes.

Please wait.

Kim Chan in Barnsley, England, everybody.

Bless you.

Vicar John.

Who?

This is Vicar John.

What?

I'm looking through your window.

What?

According to your knickers.

Hello?

Hello.

Yes, I'm looking through your window right now.

Window?

Yes.

Do you speak English?

Who is speaking?

Do you speak English?

I'm looking through your window right now.

You look so marvelous.

Sorry?

I just feel myself.

Do you guys just not speak English either?

Hello?

Jesus fucking Christ, will you motherfuckers,

is there anybody in this goddamn fucking prank list that talks English?

Jesus fucking Christ.

I'm just kidding.

Hello?

Hello, Chance, what's up?

they're just fucking retarded, too, apparently.

That's fucking funny.

They're like, nobody fucks with me.

God damn it.

They just sit there.

No more non-Anglican sounding names.

Come on.

All right, dude.

I love you guys to death, man.

Let's confirm.

Here's what you guys need to do.

It's not your fault.

We just learned.

What you need to do is when you call up and confirm the fucking calls,

just call and confirm.

You know what I'm saying?

like ask them if they speak english and then hang up right do you speak english yeah oh you also

have a conversation a little bit and then fucking just hang up all right ask them where they were

born there you go that's what you got to hypnotize them yeah where were you born yeah are you

make them forget that you called so they don't spook them yeah okay all right so you want to do

let's try karen more that was funny though you were saying that you like her in her knickers

Oh, my God.

I started laughing over here.

What's with the peeping Tom, dude?

Yeah, that's funny.

Let's do a whole that scene tonight.

Can you do a French peeping Tom?

That'd be funny.

Like a French man walking around.

French peeping Tom?

Like a fucking frog?

Oh, I am watching you in the window.

I would like to see you.

I see you through the window.

You're looking so fine.

What's that, Ace?

I'm going to call Karen Morton.

She's related to Bob Morton, I understand.

Bob Morton had to die because he made a mistake.

And now we're going to erase that mistake, Recklid.

Don't go anywhere, okay?

By the way, this is Christina.

I'm bloody brilliant at five o'clock.

Your balance is 84.

Bloody well.

What did you say?

She was upset.

She's like, oh, I'm bloody well at whatever in the morning.

Try again.

Yeah, don't say anything for a second, Recklid.

The maximum time for your call is 29 minutes.

Please wait.

I'm calling Peter Murray in accident.

Call your operator for assistance.

In Africa?

Hold that, Peter Murray in accident.

What do we call Africa, dude?

If we get minutes there, I'm sure we can call South Africa.

They speak English there.

Call that provost guy.

You know where I would like to call?

Liberia.

You know Liberia?

It's a country that was founded by freed African slaves.

American slaves.

They were Africans that were in America.

They were slaves and they got freed.

After the Civil War, they returned to Africa and made their own country.

They based it on the American United States.

I know some dude in town from Liberia.

Those people, they're crazy.

They use machetes all the time

I'd be scared of being

Worn in Africa

They're fucking nuts over there

They use machetes

And fucking

You ever see that

Holtz on Rwanda

People want a fucking

Row of tires

Yeah

They do some nutty shit

Over there

Kill fucking boys

For like stealing

Yeah

Chop their hands off

And stuff man

Yeah dude

They're fucking loonies

And those

And then

Those man

You were in

Were you in Somalia

Or you weren't in that one right

Which war were you in

Somalia

I'm in Somalia now

Part of

Fucking

Right where the studio

was at, these goddamn fucking Somalians just took over, dude.

But, well, you were in the service, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I was over, no, here's, I went over to fucking, I was in South Korea for a year.

That was amazing.

Oh, that's got to be so awesome.

That was like fucking just like a dreamland.

Wow.

Like, seriously.

It was amazing.

And it wasn't like, I mean, you could do the Hooers for easy, you know.

They got Hooers right off base.

I mean, you just go off and get some Philippine Broad and bang them or whatever.

Nice.

But then, like, even, like, I mean, there was a bunch of nice girls I dated that were fucking, like, princess beautiful.

Really?

You know what I mean?

I mean, oh, it was fucking, Jesus Christ, dude.

And then when I go to Italy, which is another fucking dreamland, that was amazing.

Italy, too?

Yeah, like, I went there for a year and a half.

Dude, it was fucking nuts.

That's cool.

Were you ever in Germany?

I went, dude, I did some nice little vacationing there.

I didn't, like, stay there.

Okay, all right.

I was done about a week.

Okay, all right.

Yeah, I've always wanted to go there, too.

That was for my honeymoon in June, where we're going to go to the U.K.

and take a cruise, a European cruise from there.

Oh, yeah?

It's too fucking expensive, man.

The plane tickets alone were more than the price of the fucking cruise itself.

Oh, God.

Outside of Europe, all the other countries we stopped at were going to need a euro.

The U.S. dollar isn't worth crap over there.

So it would have been really expensive, but we can't afford it.

So we're just gonna do

A Caribbean cruise now

Ten days

Oh there you go

We'll do that

Fucking

Watch out for them

Smilings trying to get you

Yeah yeah

Don't sail over there

Fucking probably better

Yeah but that's

I thought you were

Fucking dumbass pirates

I thought there was a chance

You wouldn't have been

In that whole Somalia thing

In the 90's so

That shit's getting crazy there

No dude

I was in that

Black Hawk Down shit

Yeah

No

So you never

You never in the war

You never

Did you ever kill anybody

No I didn't do shit

No

I sat in fucking

Fucking instant message

A bunch of bitches

And fucking drank

I didn't drink banana milk and shit.

I didn't do shit over there.

So you got lucky.

You got into the Reagan years.

Killed a lot of beers and doobies.

When it comes to the military.

I mean, I was in, but, you know.

Yeah.

Fucking, I'll tell you what.

I got kicked out, dude.

Oh, was it honorable or are you allowed to talk about it?

I was barely honorable, dude.

I got fucked.

I went nuts, dude.

I fucking went loony and fucking, they sent me to fucking be evaluated and I fucking was

drinking and going through this, like, Jim Morrison period.

It was fucking nuts.

And you were in the Army?

That's crazy.

fucking, what's that, Air Force? Oh, the Air Force, okay, okay. Oh, dude, when I was over

in Italy, that's when I got fucking kicked out, dude, that one-star general on base got

all fucking pissed off, because I was, like, pulling crazy shit, and the next day, he fucking

sent all these people to come get me in my room, and he said, the next day, he's like,

this guy's the fuck out of here by Sunday. Okay. Swear to God, dude, I mean, I got some

nutty fucking adventures, I'm telling you, man. Alright, you should share that with us

One day

Whenever you feel

Comfortable

Yeah yeah dude

Trust me

I got a story

I got shit

One time I got

Nevermind

Well you told me

You told me you actually

Saw the banana show

That we kept talking

About this show

You said you saw

On an Amsterdam deal

Yeah

And you couldn't

I think I told you about that

You couldn't smoke pot

Or anything in Amsterdam

Because of the

The fucking guy

Said he was gonna

Drug test you

When you came back

He was gonna drug test

As soon as I got back

To base

And sure enough

That motherfucker

Pulled me in for a drug test

Oh what an ass

And I even fucking

Called him on it

I'm like dude

dude, you think I'm on drugs? Why don't you give me a piss, man? This is a fucking, this

Mexican-ass fire chief is like the most scariest motherfucker, dude. He was like, listen, if

I thought you were on drugs, I would already have had to take that piss. Oh, my God. So,

yeah, motherfucker used to wear, dude, this cocksucker, man, around the fire station,

this guy used to wear, like, caps on his shoes, like drill instructors. Okay. So, like, you

You could hear him coming.

Like, it was the weirdest fucking dude ever, dude.

He would, like, wear taps because he didn't want people to be fucking up.

So you could hear him coming around the corner.

Right.

You're like, oh, shit.

Yeah, he's coming.

Because it was all concrete.

So you could hear these taps, like, a mile away.

So those drill sergeants, they actually, like, in the movies, they show how loud their boots are.

They put fucking taps on them, like metal shit on them.

Yeah, they put, like, metal on them.

What a bunch of pussies, man.

Fuck those guys.

Well, it's like, here's why.

Here's why.

It's not like a crunchy.

Actually, it's more of a high-pitched sound.

The reason they do it is because it gives people a cadence to march to.

Okay.

And it's like a frequency that kind of cuts through.

You know what I'm saying?

Right.

So it kind of gives them like a metronome, so to speak.

And it's easier.

Because they march really good with like a real, you know what I'm saying, steady kind of rhythm.

Yeah, kind of beat, yeah.

So it's like it gives everybody, you can hear it poke through everything.

So it's like that's why, so like the other soldiers or airmen or whatever can follow.

All right.

What were we doing?

Where were we going to call on?

What the fuck are we talking about?

I don't know.

No, we got on Bananish.

We ended up in the Army in the Air Force.

Bananish, talking about military.

Hey, here's a question.

The Air Force basic training, is it as hard as the Army and the Marines?

No way, dude.

It's fucking pussy, dude.

Really?

It's now eight weeks.

I think it was six when I was in.

Right.

You know what the hardest thing was?

Fucking stop laughing, dude.

Really?

I mean, that and doing fucking push-ups.

I can't do push-ups worth of shit.

I almost fucking failed out of that shit, but I got through it.

Was there a big hike?

Did you guys, did you have to go some big, like, five-mile hike or something at the end of it or something?

Oh, Jesus Christ, yeah.

They fucking, I got really good, though.

I mean, the first time we were doing it, man, we had to run a mile, dude.

I was so out of shape.

I'd never exercised.

I was fucking puking and shit.

Wow.

But then, like, at the end, dude, I improved my time by, like, eight minutes or some shit.

Like, I missed, well, I mean, that's not saying much because I was, like, fucking slow as hell at first, but.

Eight minutes is eight minutes, man.

I was, like, I fucking lost, like, 30 pounds in, like, six weeks.

Dude, it was fucking nuts, dude.

Oh, yeah.

And you got to see fucking your, man, I wish I wanted to go to South Korea.

That's got to be fun as hell, man.

There ain't no fucking picnics.

I mean, I had a lot of great times, don't get me wrong, but it's no fucking picnic.

And you got to see the banana shirt, too.

I'm jealous.

Banana shirt.

I fucking yelled at those broads.

I can't believe it.

I was, like, they wanted to charge me all this warm body.

I'm, like, just fucking stick it up your cunt and just don't talk to me, you fucking bitch.

Oh, my God.

All right.

All right, so I've got Mark Stone.

I've got Peter Murray.

These are in England.

We also have Catherine King in Yorkshire.

She's a woman.

All right.

We could try the French Peeping Tom is what I want to hear.

I think that's going to be a really funny character.

Dude, I'm fucking high.

I'm kind of slow on the draw tonight.

All right.

Let's call.

I promise, just for you, I'll do the French Peeping Tom.

All right, cool.

Catherine King.

She's in Yorkshire.

I don't go anywhere.

How about that?

Catherine King.

This goes out to, man, there's all these fucking.

Fucking, they got all broads except for fucking that one dude.

They got all broads on the webcams tonight.

That's pretty good.

There's the big milk kid and then the three other broads.

The milk kid, he's like, you know, I mean, God love him.

I'll tell you what.

Hang on.

Drink that fucking milk, buddy.

Give me a toast for me.

Let me see you give a toast.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Artie, you know, there's the whole thing on radio.

It's a classic bit where you challenge someone to drink a whole gallon of milk in an hour

and keep it down for an hour.

If Artie could do that, I don't know.

We should do something for him.

I've seen one fucking hillbilly try to do that.

Not that he's a hillbilly, but I've seen this one motherfucker try to do it.

Right.

And it was just fucking...

Oh, hell, I can do that.

It fucking just exploded.

Milkman says he can do it.

I think that's bullshit.

That's disgusting.

No, no, no.

No one can do that.

That's bullshit, dude.

That's so much lactic acid.

Like, if you win?

Yeah.

Like, how long?

No shit.

Man, it's...

How long?

Like, an hour?

It's an hour.

You're supposed to drink it in an hour and keep it down for an hour.

And if you do, then you win.

The radio stations do it all the time.

And no one ever wins.

I don't think I've ever heard of anybody winning.

It's always entertaining, but it's never a problem.

Oh, bullshit.

You got a fucking straw in there?

What the hell is he doing?

I see him all doing crazy shit.

He's got a straw now.

Jesus Christ, we had distracted him so fucking high.

I need to be looking at this shit.

I need to be looking at, like, the broads and all these fucking...

All right, look at the broads.

...Mario shit.

Yeah, look at the broads.

John, because she's the one with the tall glass of water, as you were saying last week.

She's got the...

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

...the legs.

Yeah, legs up there.

And then there's the dark girl down there, this emo girl with the darkness.

She's down at the bottom.

Emo girl.

I think she's more, like, gothic, right?

Yeah.

I don't know.

She's cute.

Whatever.

She probably doesn't like labels, so let's not label her.

There's a big forehead girl on cam number three.

Who's that?

Don't be a fucking asshole.

I'm sorry.

That's my father talking.

Nice, nice broad.

Stop being an asshole.

All right.

I'm sorry.

I think she's a VIP.

You're fucking pissing off everybody.

All right.

Hang on.

Catherine King.

These girls are real nice.

All right.

Catherine King.

She says she's hot

So that's cool

You're

Rickwood's out of it

He's just rambling over there

He's like

Crazy fucker now

That's not a question

Who are we calling?

Catherine King

I guess that ain't gonna work

Okay well

What else we got here

Let's see

Call them back

Are they answering?

I don't wanna answer

It's 530 in the bloody world

Well here we go

We got Dorothy Pierce

And Marjorie Pierce also

They're in Yorkshire

Who's sending these in?

Lonesome Losers

Confirming them

Oh shit

They're answering

She's the one

That hasn't answered

The other one's answered

But they just didn't speak English

Except for the last one

Spoke a little bit

Let's do that

Alright

A little bit ain't gonna get us

No good prank

Exactly

Alright Dorothy Pierce

Alright we'll try that one

Dorothy Pierce

And we'll do large margin

We need to find out

Here's an idea

For you number gatherers

Right

We need to get more

Like

I'll tell you what

Go find

Find out where the hillbilly

Parts of fucking England

I think it's the north

Or something

Somebody was saying

Hang on

Python used to make fun of it

We got

Find all the hillbillies

Get these fucking hillbillies

Like the dumb people

People are more fun to prank.

They'll talk longer.

Wait, hang on.

Listen.

I'm just curious.

What's that?

Listen, listen.

We got breaking news here from Nunu.

Nunu's sending in a number.

It's a crazy Muslim in the UK who was pissed at a radio station for playing a song with

the Quran in it.

Crazy Muslim.

Oh.

He wants us to say we're from the radio station called Galaxy.

He said that's what we're supposed to do.

Galaxy is the name of the radio station.

Apparently he's suing them or something because they had a song that they played that had

had the Koran in it. I don't understand why he would get mad. Oh, dude, this is tasty.

Yeah, I sent you the... This sounds pretty delicious. Alright, I sent you the docket

over there, if you see it. The docket? Right. What the fuck is a docket? That's, you know,

the case against the dude, you know. Oh, okay. Alright, let's see here. Okay. Alright, you

ready? Radio station called Galaxy. That's fucking hilarious. Alright, let's do it.

Alright, I'll make it so. How you doing, buddy? This is John from the Galaxy Radio.

How you doing?

Which radio?

Oh, the Galaxy.

Galaxy?

Galaxy Radio.

Yeah.

Okay, well, basically we called to say we like to shit and piss on the Koran.

What do you mean?

I like to shit and piss on it.

I like to put it in a pan and I like to shit and piss on it because it's a fucking devil book.

Nobody should read it.

Your balance is 3, 4, 45.

Call back.

Oh, so good.

All right.

Let me try that again.

I don't know why he didn't seem to last very long.

Fucking nuts, man.

All right, that was funny.

All right, let's try that again.

Let's see if he picks up.

I like the shit.

Piss on the Quran.

All right.

Why?

Christ.

This is your message to poor guy.

I don't know how I got that language.

I don't know.

That's fucking Korean, dude.

I hit the wrong one.

That's funny.

Appropriate.

Apropos.

Oh, you're a...

The call has been forwarded to the T-Mobile voicemail service.

All right.

Give me a message.

7-9-5-8-5 is not available to take this call.

I don't need a live caller.

At the tone, please record your message.

When you have finished, you may hang up.

Or press 1 to change your message.

Hi there.

Yeah, I'd like to take the Koran.

I'd like to fucking take it on the radio.

I make songs about it, and I rub my dick all over it.

Yeah, I love it.

It fucking turns me on.

I, like, rub my dick and balls all over the fucking Koran.

I like to sit there, and I fucking...

And then I take it, and I wipe my ass after taking a fucking shitty fucking dump.

I'm sorry.

No, come on.

I wasn't finished yet.

I thought you were done.

Oh, man.

You stopped talking?

No, dude.

I was about to lose a bit.

How'd you take a big shitty dump?

All right.

Call again.

All right.

One more time.

All right.

Let's see if he picks up this time.

Hang on.

You kid.

It's okay, because DTT's laughing.

It's okay.

As long as he's laughing, you know.

Wait, I'm in the wrong chat room.

What the fuck chat room am I at?

I don't know.

God damn, fuck all this syndicate chats.

Yeah, there's a lot of them.

They're everywhere.

There's like 20 fucking chat rooms.

You need to get them all in one or something.

We got to all unite.

We're cocks together.

All right, hang on.

You know how the quality is.

Are things improved?

It looks like we've kept our video and audio going.

Let me know if it's too high, if it's too modulated, what's going on.

You immediately say the time is 8 minutes.

Please wait.

What does that mean, Psychic Chuck?

Let us know, please.

Bing bong bong.

There we go.

Serious.

Your call has been forwarded to the T-Mobile voicemail service.

0-7-9-5-8-4 is not available to take your call.

At the time, please record your message.

When you have finished, you may hang up or press 1 to change your message.

Oh, is it recording?

I just want to tell you, man, I like to rub my dick all over the crayon.

I was talking in the other voice before in the other voicemail,

but I just like to say I like to slobber all over it.

I like to fucking rub my balls on it and my ass,

and I just like to jizz all over it.

I like to put it in a fucking thing,

and I like to burn it.

You know why?

Because it's a bunch of fucking bullshit.

Anybody believes in it is a fucking dummy,

and that's all there is to it.

You're a bunch of devil worshipers,

and I see you guys flying this.

Jesus Christ.

If I ever try to do anything else in my career,

these horrible comments on Muslims

are going to be used against me.

Fuck.

Shit.

All right, there we go.

We terminated the call.

Jesus Christ.

I can imagine, like,

if I did anything, like, really big in the future,

like, these would totally...

Yeah, you gotta watch out, man.

There's a lot of stories out there, uh, Rick.

You'll be alright there.

Jesus Christ, dude, I could probably...

Dude, you know what's funny?

What?

I've got skeleton.

Is, like, my, uh...

Meet David Onco, dude.

I don't know what you call her.

Um, let's see here.

Fucking, uh, my, uh, significant other on and off separated them together.

Like, found some interesting pictures of me on, like, uh, Facebook.

What?

What were you doing?

Something incriminating?

I was on some broad, fucking, big thing.

Oh, man.

And then, fucking, there was a hugging up on her and dancing with her and shit, and fucking, like, really, yeah, it was kind of appropriate.

And then, there was one of me bending over a Playboy model.

Really?

A Playboy model?

A pretty, I swear to God, dude, look on fucking, uh, look on MySpace.

On your MySpace?

Yeah.

All right, cool.

Hey, man, do you have, are you ever going to get a space, like, I'm going to, I'm going to put up a link for all our, you know, all our, all our crew.

Like, you're, you're considered part of their crew because you, you, you know, you, you put, you help out a lot.

Yeah.

So I wanted to give you, like, I don't know, would it be your MySpace page,

or do you not have, like, a website or anything that you'd want to promote?

I mean, I've got domain names reserved for stuff, but I just don't, I haven't had time to do anything with it.

One of these days I will.

Yeah.

Like, I was thinking of just doing, like, a Richie Randall page and having that be all the pranks,

because I want to use it for, like, something else.

Yeah.

You should try to look for RichieRandall.com.

Maybe it's out there.

I'm sure it is, RichieRandall.com.

I don't see why I wouldn't.

Um, nah, yeah, that's a good thing.

Now somebody's going to go fucking copyright.

Probably, yeah.

You've got to hurry up and get it now.

Or look right now on GoDaddy.

You think I'm joking?

Yeah, it's like nine bucks.

That's all it is.

If it's not taken, I don't know.

I do it all the time.

I got my last name taken out, matter of fact.

Really?

Yeah, I do.

Evil already said he wants to take care of the MySpace and Facebook.

Yeah, we need to start getting on Madhouse.

I'm going to start offering, like, we need, like, a volunteer squad.

We need someone to handle a Facebook page, a MySpace page for us,

and try to help out.

Just little tasks here and there would help out.

My holy evil art, he's going to be the new prank master.

Yeah, oh boy.

Can't wait for that.

He seems like a decent guy.

You want to do another one?

Yeah.

I wish that guy would pick up.

That's a shame.

Yeah, it sucks.

We'll give him a little bit, maybe.

Maybe.

I've got a Kenneth King here.

Where's he at?

Because I'm fucking...

I had to restart my computer.

All right, he's in Yorkshire.

Yorkshire, England.

Yeah, Kenneth King in Yorkshire, England.

I said we'd give him a call.

Yeah, we need some more background on this fucking British thing,

because I don't know what to talk to these people about.

Yeah, I know.

Well, it's fun just to mess with them.

I have no idea.

Do the French peeping Tom on the guy.

Maybe he'll take that.

There you go.

Maybe that'll work.

Yeah, they probably have a weird sense of Frenchmen,

because they have to deal with them on a more often basis than we do.

All right, whatever.

I'm babbling here.

That's fine.

Peeping Tom.

Let me try to call him back.

Yeah, call that fucker back.

That's bullshit.

Would you like to add value to your pin?

Please enter the area code.

The time for your call is 19 minutes.

Please wait.

Hello.

You.

Who is it?

Are you sleeping?

Because I am watching you.

That's so funny.

It's funny, but the fucking people will stay on the line.

It sounds funny.

Just a Frenchman.

What if you call him again?

See if he gets pissed.

Yeah, yeah.

He's clicking.

It's going to ring.

We know it is because he's actually shutting it off.

You know, he's actually putting, we can hear him.

If he shuts it off, we can't do anything.

But if he picks up again, he might get really,

because the first time he didn't even answer it.

Now he answered it.

Now he's curious.

I think this time he might be like,

what is it now?

All right.

Maybe.

Yeah, let's see if we get him to the level now.

Let's see if we can break the back here, folks.

Why do you keep on hanging up on me?

Why are you doing that?

Get it, man.

Well, I just do my business,

and then you can hang up after that.

How about that?

How do you like that?

My God, he's not going to do nothing.

He's not listening.

He's probably like, whatever the fuck is happening.

Crazy old guy.

I don't think that guy's going to go back to school.

All right, so let's try to call back the Muslim guy.

See if he picks up now.

It's been a little while.

If you want, yeah.

I mean, it's up to you.

I'd say, yeah, let's try it.

I mean, if he picks up, it's going to be worth it.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Well, give it a shot here.

Let's see.

Four minutes to save the world.

Your call has been forwarded to the T-Mobile voicemail service 0-7-9-5-8-5-8-7-8-8-4

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At the tone, please record your message

When you have finished, you may hang up

Or press 1 to change your message

Listen, I just want to say I'm real sorry

all the bad things I did all the bad things I said and just want you to sleep easy knowing that

we can live in a world together that everybody's in peace and harmony and I'm sorry I'm sorry for

what I did I apologize and uh I'm gonna run a plane into a fucking building you fucking piece

of shit goodbye all right now that we have uh broken some type of federal international love

No, I'm kidding.

Well, we should have cooked it together or whatever he thought.

No, Richie Randall's brother did.

Yeah, it was Richie Randall's brother.

What was his name?

Richie Randall's brother talks in a lower voice.

Yeah, it's the same voice, but he just talks lower.

I like how halfway through the second call, you're like,

I broke out of character, but whatever, anyway.

And the guy doesn't even notice.

I was like, I blew my cover.

And the guy actually bought it.

He's like, I don't know what's your problem with your brother and his ex-wife.

He's like, don't say brother.

What a dumb fuck.

That's why it was a good call, because he was so stupid.

He was a fucking moron.

But, dude, he kept calling.

He kept blowing up the phone from his cell phone.

Like, how many times, you think?

He called seven times, and I got one call from the cops, like, right after the last call.

Are you fucking serious?

Yeah.

I mean, did they leave a message?

No, no one ever left a message, but they were just, they kept calling.

So you just, like, figured out the, you, like, Googled the numbers and shit?

I don't know.

If you Google the number, it comes up blank.

It doesn't come up as anything.

Not yet.

It hasn't listed.

What about the cops?

Oh, yeah, I Googled the first number they called back,

and it was registered to the something police.

It was like the local police, yeah, some county, some county police.

Well, we have that guy in there saying he's going to kill us.

Yeah, exactly.

I never said once that I was going to do any physical harm.

You said you were going to sue him and that you had a mace.

Yeah, I had a mace and a Kevlar.

I said I was a Doberman pitcher, but I'm leaving it in the car.

Yeah, what are you doing? Why are you bringing it up?

That's so funny.

I know.

That motherfucker's like, I just assumed kill you.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, business.

I'm going to shoot your ass.

I'm going to start shooting.

Like, okay, who's in trouble?

I'll shoot anybody who comes up to my driveway who isn't a cop, is what he said.

Oh, man.

That's so hilarious.

And then he said, he said something about, okay, well, this guy, like, he's got to call ahead.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he's got a whole plan.

like the sheriff

has to call ahead

I'm on the way

with Richie Randall

behind me

what if the cop

did and he started

shooting

I guess

holy shit

oh man

would you imagine

yeah

oh god

that would have been

fucking

we would have been

over

had we ordered

the pizza

I mean that probably

would have been

a prank call

careers

yeah

had we ordered

that pizza

that we were

talking about

ordering

I think that

would have done it

yeah

what was the

radio station

what was it

doing with the

radio

it was Sunday

95

right

you kept

kept calling?

Is Richie Randall

telling them to put you on?

the one where they

announced me on the air?

Yeah,

yeah,

that's funny stuff.

I was like,

yeah,

it's local,

it's like this shitty

stage plays like

fucking Michael Bolton

and shit.

Oh,

God.

The guy was cool,

I just kept on

breaking his balls

until he did it.

He probably did it.

He was like,

nice,

he was like,

alright,

buddy.

Alright,

well,

that's cool.

What's your girl's name?

Francine.

Please,

don't leave him.

Alright,

dude,

well,

I think that's it,

man.

Yeah,

man,

this

Party tonight

You gotta fucking

I'm doing some like visuals for

And I gotta go over to Broad's house

Right now

And get fucking high

Awesome dude

And fucking plan all this shit

So

Alright cool

But yeah man

It was a good prank

Busy night

Likewise

Next week I find out

out, like, exactly where I'm going. I'm either going to L.A. or I'm getting a fucking nice

salary and staying here, so. Cool. Either way. Either way. I'd say get the good salary

for now, go to L.A. later, the way things are, man. Dude, but the thing is, if I get

that salary that I'm asking for, I'm going to be able to fly out there whenever the fuck

I want. I'm making, like, a lot of cash. Well, then do it. That's what you should do. That's

what I'm doing, yeah. I'm going out there, I think, probably closer to the end of this

month. Okay. Like, everything's taken care of, dude. I got, like, flyer miles, I got

I've got a place to stay.

I've got people to cart me around.

That's awesome.

It's nice, so I'm going to stay out there and fucking do a little bit of filming for this DJ Broad.

Yeah, stay away from Milkman.

He lives in L.A. too.

You've got to watch out, man.

Yeah, I know.

If I ever get some time, I'll definitely have to visit.

I've never even met him.

Yeah, I've never met him either.

I've never met you.

You'll have to let me know.

You'll have to let me know if he's safe.

I've never met anybody from this fucking network.

I've met a few people here and there, but not a lot of people.

Oh, yeah?

Who'd you meet?

I met Evil Artie.

He's come over a few times.

I hung out with him a few times.

Where did he come from?

He's from Orlando.

He's here in Orlando.

Oh, well.

And then I haven't met Zola.

Who else did I meet?

Mad Man used to run our chat room.

I met him.

And there was Jonathan.

I almost met him, but not really.

Not really.

I've met like two or three people, maybe.

Not a lot of people.

Welcome to Sean Ward.

Sean Ward.

Sean Ward actually stayed here, actually, two years ago.

Sean Ward.

We did my show, and we did his show together.

Oh.

Here, yeah.

Sean Ward.

That's the one.

alright

alright dude

that's fine man

I'm gonna get going

I'm fucked up and shit

alright man be safe

I'm not now

alright dude

take care bro

see ya man

thanks

bye

that was Recklude

everybody

the legendary Recklude

the dark hit man

of prank calls himself

I got made then

Recklude

yeah you hear that

Milkman

you might have a date

with Recklude

Recklude might take you

out for sushi

if you behave yourself

you know

luck out

hey hey hey

Recklude

Recklude probably gets

you into the viper room

or something crazy like that

and then Milkman would end up doing heroin and dying.

Look at some yellow cheese heroin or something.

Awesome!

Only thing is no transvestite hoes for me.

Evil Artie says Crazy Fucker keeps calling him.

Then why'd you give him the phone number, you dummy?

What's your problem?

Hello?

Hey, what's going on, man?

Yeah, this fucker keeps fucking calling me

and I got some pretty good footage.

He thinks he's on air,

but thinks everyone is ignoring him.

Okay, so he's getting pissed off.

I pushed my mixer.

Okay, well, that's fucked up.

Dude, what's going on with him?

Like, why does he keep calling you?

Did you give him his phone?

I don't know.

He got banned.

Yeah, but how did he get your home phone number?

He got my Skype number.

Oh, okay.

I see.

Everyone has that through the show.

Well, tell him to call in now.

Well, the line isn't free now, but when you hang out with me here, tell him to call in.

We'll see what's up.

Well, you got his number, don't you?

I think so.

I don't know.

I'd have to find it or something.

I'll PM it to you.

All right, cool.

Do that.

that, and you said you want to do the, you want to do, you might want to do the, not

the Facebook one, I need someone to do the, fuck, what was it, the MySpace one, that's

the one, that's the one that's important right now, that's the one that needs to get off

the ground, most definitely, I got a whole YouTube thing set up now, I got a whole YouTube

channel, man, YouTube, it's Madhouse Radio on YouTube, yeah, it looks good, I saw you

added me on there, so, all right, cool, all right, well, let me give him a call, man,

I'll see if I can get him to stop calling you, all right, all right, later, all right,

I do see it.

That's Artie, everybody.

Artie, and a lot of people wonder,

why does Artie, you know,

I should have talked to him about it now,

my bad.

He's listening now, I'm sure.

The reason why you haven't been on the show,

young man,

is because you came here

and you farted several times.

He farted in my chair on purpose.

Then he left the mess over here

and he kept burping and making noise

in the microphone.

He ruined a fucking whole show.

That actually wasn't that bad.

You told him.

So you've been on time out, Artie.

Now when you decide to act like a man

and be a grown up

you'll be allowed back

for a madhouse radio show

live

we want you back

but not when you ruin the show

chewing pieces of plastic

and shit

tight shoes

what's going on

crazy fucker

from California

feel free

how you do

hello

hey crazy fucker

how are you buddy

it's Carlito

yeah what's going on

why you

why you keep calling

Artie

what's going on

well cause

you know

Artie

Artie's like

he's like

third of my age

and it's like

he's got

He's like a human being

As far as I know

He never hurt nobody

Or did anybody any wrong

He ain't a piece of shit

Like George Bush and Barack Obama

The congressman of this country

That profit off of innocent people

He already killed

Three million fucking innocent Iraqis

Over there

But man, I'll tell you what

I'll kiss upon all the fucking rich people

Are you with me?

Yes, are you with me?

Fuck you!

Listen to me.

This is Agent Ellison with the FBI.

Right, right.

Hey, I'll tell you what there, uh...

I am Agent Ellison with the FBI.

Control of the...

Hey, you're, uh...

Right, right.

I'll tell you what there, Adolf Hitler.

Agent Ellison.

You will call me Agent Ellison.

Agent Ellison.

I am Agent Ellison.

Who are you, man?

We have been monitoring your phone communications and we believe...

Motherfucker, uh...

George Bush...

Mr. Demerol

Mr. Valencia, listen

You're going to die under my knife, FBI, CIA, George Bush, Barack Obama.

Hey, fuck you, motherfuckers.

You fucked my cock.

You're my asshole, bitch.

Yeah, you're right.

You're going to concentrate, Scott.

Hey, Krishna.

Listen, crazy.

Crazy fucker.

Listen.

You're right.

Crazy.

You're going to bathe in a gun.

You're going to have fun.

Can't take any more of that now

I'm trying to break in

He's just babbling like a monkey now

It's like war profiteer, war profiteer, war profiteer

We'll keep him on in the background

Let's see how long he goes

Start a timer somebody here

Let's see, it's 1240 right now

See how long it goes

Until he stops

I got my knife sharpened up

Little profiteers

You do that

Yeah

You Barack Obama

And you

Crazy fucker

George Bush

You George Bush

And Senator

And Congressman

And Mayor

We'll keep on the background

Let me tell

Maybe we can do

One more prank call

We got Michelle Williams

Michelle Williams

and her family

includes her mother

and brother

are crazy racist people

he says

recluse shouldn't mess with them

oh well that sucks

it's too late now

alright we'll do a prank call

with him

see if he stays on the line

just have him talk

weird shit to Michelle Williams

let's see if we can get him

to stay

keep babbling and do that

crazy he hung up now damn it he's still going that whole time fucking crazy fucker

he wouldn't have heard the ring and he probably wouldn't have hung up yeah he heard the ring and

he hung up he freaked out when he heard the ring i think that's the i think he really thought the

fbi had really hacked in at that point oh my god that guy's just a bag of nuts isn't he he's all

I'm full of piss and vinegar.

I heard that Reclude and Crazy Fucker from California are going to do a show out here.

That'd be good.

They're in California.

You need to do a special Madhouse West show.

You know, you, Reclude, and Crazy Fucker.

Who else is in California?

In L.A.?

Sidekick Chuck's over there, isn't he?

He can play the guitar.

Sidekick Chuck over there.

He'll play the electric guitar.

He's got two electric guitars.

I bet you he's never played them.

He's got it in the background over there.

Hey, Chuck, go grab your guitars and play in one of them if you're such a man.

Those are all decorations, aren't they?

If you're a man, you will play guitar tonight after Madhouse.

I'll stay up for that.

Yeah, those are all decorations.

They never move.

I'll give you a Madhouse dollar if you do that, sir.

They're good in the Madhouse store.

They're worth a gold star.

One Madhouse dollar.

I'll give you a gold star, Psychic Chuck, if you play the guitar.

Come on.

Bastard.

Yeah, all right.

That's anyway.

Well, I think we're done.

We've done our job here, Michelle.

Well, let's talk about, what time is it now?

We've still got 15 minutes on the clock.

We did Eddie Garcia for the first time in a long time.

I think that was fun.

We did one Eddie Garcia call.

It's been over a year.

It was a favorite.

A lot of people reacted well to that.

And his new line, fucking bro.

We're going to keep that up here for next week to make sure we do at least one Eddie Garcia a week from now on.

We're going to bring him back.

I'm telling you.

I honestly, I practiced.

this i was sitting there request that we bring out of retirement early retirement rotisserie

wallace please rotisserie wallace never took off man that was a bad character i don't do a good

black like hello there kind of voice i don't you know i don't or the how okay how about the little

uh latina old lady abuela oh yeah that was a fun thing right i wish my mom would do prank calls

she has a great voice for prank calls she's awesome yeah um what was i going to do here

I was going to talk about some articles here real quick

that I had before we signed off here.

Koken has sent in our news for the week.

He usually does a good job.

He actually always does a good job.

He did a good job here, of course, as always.

News items here.

Kicking job.

Something I found interesting,

the oldest marijuana stash was found,

reported two days ago.

I don't know if you heard about this, Milkman.

It was reported yesterday, actually.

um nearly two pounds of still green plant material were found in a 27 year 2700 year old grave

in the gobi desert it's been identified as the world's oldest marijuana stash according to a

paper in the latest issue of the journal of experimental botany apparently they they did

a whole bunch of tests on this green plant material they found in this tomb that was 2700

years old and it was it was marijuana tested positive for marijuana possessed potent psychoactive

properties and cast doubt on the theory that the ancients only grew the plant for hemp in order to

make clothing rope and other objects apparently the ancients were smoking weed just like the uh

the moderns do they apparently were getting high too lead author ethan russo high times or

or something? No, it's from Discovery,

dude. Discovery News.

I'm getting to that.

Lead author Ethan Russo

told Discovery News

that the marijuana is quite similar to what's

grown today. We know from both the chemical

analysis and genetics

that it could produce THC.

No one could feel its effects

today if they smoked it because it's already

decomposed too much, apparently they're saying.

Apparently, this guy was buried

with a whole bunch of weed, so apparently

it was a big thing back then, too, just like it is now.

So, fuck.

Smoke weed every day.

There you go.

Even back then, they were smoking weed every day.

You didn't know it, did you, folks?

Well, you know, the origins of the weed plant comes from the area of Southeast Asia near

Khmer or Cambodia.

Cambodia, huh?

All right, cool.

Well, that's good stuff.

Well, there you go.

That's good to know, Milkman.

Thank you, sir.

Resident stoner here over there reporting the news as always.

We appreciate it.

Yeah, man.

That's right.

Give me another hit.

there was this woman i just want to mention real quick here i found it interesting she's uh

she got pulled over by an ambulance i don't know i would never would you stop if an ambulance got

behind you would you pull over for the ambulance like like a cop would do i wouldn't respect the

ambulance they're not deputized apparently there was a woman driving erratically so this ambulance

got behind her turned the flashers on and then they noticed that she was dragging the the gas

gas pump handle the nozzle and six foot hose behind her still trailing from the back of a

you know from the from the gas tank she was so drunk she drove off she didn't take it out she

was swerving all over the ground all over the floor all over the road but uh she got pulled

over it says right here um they initiated a stop patrol the spokesperson spokesperson chuck allen

says the crew tried to signal her uh april westfall 40 years old from reno nevada after they sported

the unusual appendage to her green Subaru

wagon around 4.30 a.m. but couldn't

get her attention.

The crew of the ambulance eventually

initiated a traffic stop and radioed

the state troopers. You know what I think?

I think she should get off scot-free.

I think she has a case.

Because they did not

have reasonable cause to pull her over.

The police didn't because it was

on undeputized people.

Unless they

said they were doing a citizen's arrest,

which I doubt they did, I think she should

be let go i think that this woman is a hero and needs to be let go you can't be pulled over by

the fucking ambulance in this fucking world i know what's going on in this damn place but now

they got the ambulances are trying to pull people over today also on the news it's bullshit what

story did you hear there milkman this has me angry ambulance is pulling people over what the

fuck is that about get the fuck out of your ambulance fuck you i'll pull a gun out in the

ambulance and what i do paramedic come out pull me over man you know usurping their authority

like that you're within the right you're within the right to mace somebody in la i heard a lady

was pissed off at her dog and she was going to take it to be put to sleep it was a pit bull

and she had a uh truck and she got mad at the dog stopped the truck threw the dog out the back of

the truck and left it on the leash and drug it down the road a few miles while it was squealing

and howling and getting scraped up and crying.

Citizens saw that and followed them over to the clinic where they're going to put it down at

and reported that, and they were arrested for endangerment of an animal

and improper transportation of a dog in the back of a cargo area.

Holy crap.

That's crazy.

That's fucking nuts.

I'm sorry I had the mic down.

That's crazy.

That is pretty cruel.

That is cruel.

Poor thing.

Thanks, man.

It reminds you.

You know what?

You know what's funny, though?

You remember in Summer Vacation,

you know, National Lampoon's Vacation,

when they tied the dog to the bumper?

That mean-ass fucking dog.

I hated that dog.

He took a piss in all the sandwiches.

Remember that?

That stupid dog.

And they tied it to the back of the bumper

and drug him and killed him

and they got pulled over by a motorcycle cop

and started crying.

They forgot it was there.

They think he got out with it to water it or something.

Or let it to the bathroom.

him then he took off and forgot he took off and jerked the car they're just driving down the

highway for like about you know but like 30 minutes or whatever you know and the cop pulls

him over he's like oh mike disgusted at him was like what's wrong it's like get out of the car

and he goes back to the bumper and chevy chase sees the the leash broken the broken leash the

dog used to be attached he's been on the road for who knows how long at that point and the cop's

like he's gonna let him go it's like poor guy probably he probably caught up for about three

miles he probably stayed with him you imagine stupid dog still running after three miles and

finally getting tired that's so mean

one foot gets tired starts getting ground off and then two he's probably just begging to get

let go as i get oh my god can you imagine how horrible that would be for a dog if that happened

oh man and then the grandma died no not the grandma the aunt you know the owner of the dog

she ended up dying like just sitting there right next to the girl yeah and they carried her around

forever yeah they put her in that chair on top of the the roof for a while they left her left

her in the garden left in the garden yeah and they said some stupid ceremony thing and then

they left after leaving her like a tie to a chair in a garden so it's so wrong and that reminds me

me of um holy ghost uh please accept our grandma i'll see you bye it's like little miss sunshine

is it little miss sunshine the one where the grandpa dies too in the van while they're driving

or something like that or they wake up and he's dead or he had an overdose something like that

yeah yeah i remember seeing that same kind of premise very unbelievable athena loves that

movie i didn't i liked it it was okay but it wasn't such a big deal um i don't know if anybody

Is that really something you're going to watch again?

No, not really.

And a lot of people used to tell me, you need to see Coffee and Cigarettes.

Coffee and Cigarettes is groundbreaking, this and that.

I didn't get it.

It's Coffee and Cigarettes movie kind of style.

I like Bill Murray was in it with the RZA and the GZA.

I think it was Raekwon and GZA.

I think we're in it with them.

That was kind of good.

That was the only good one, I thought.

They had little bits, and none of them were good except for that for the most part.

Baz reporting

I understand here Baz

You saw ACDC this week

You said they rocked

They did good man

Yeah I saw them on Sunday here in Seattle

Okay cool

Great show

This young man 53 year old dude

Still got it

You know I think

They're still coming to Orlando

I don't think they've come to Orlando yet

ACDC Orlando

Maybe I'll go see them

Because I'm hearing nothing but good things about this

Yeah, they're going to do the House of Blues at Disney.

Let's see what's up with the House of Blues.

I'll take a look.

I wonder what it is.

I don't think it's until January.

I hope so.

I hope I didn't miss that, because now I really want to see it.

December 10th.

Holy shit, it's in five days.

Oh, crap.

It's probably sold out.

December 10th, 7 p.m., House of Blues Orlando, ACDC.

Oh, crap.

Yeah, they probably are sold out, aren't they?

Buy tickets.

Check Ticketmaster.

You never know.

Well, look, $14.

Available still.

still buy now look at that that's not bad 14 bucks wow i'll do that for 14 bucks if that's

for real i'm gonna buy it right now i don't care i get paid tomorrow i paid like 90 bucks i have

to wake up athena and ask her she's gonna see no it came up but said for i'm not it says right here

primary ticket sellers ticket master price 14 purchased by now is it it's connecting now we'll

take a look here i don't know if it's available or not let's see yeah advanced tickets 1325 it

says here now. Journal of Mission.

Wow, hell yeah.

Must be some special deal they're doing.

Yeah, look at that. 1325.

Dude, that's a nice little trip over there.

I love the House of Blues. I've seen a lot of good

concerts there at the House of Blues.

That'll be awesome to see.

Let me see if they're still available here.

It looks like they are. Hopefully it is, man.

That's a great price for a great show.

Alright, well, we'll see.

Wish me luck with that, everybody. I'll let you know next week

if that happens. Actually, when's the 10th?

Hang on, wait a minute. That's another problem.

them. I can't go planning to go. It's finals

week next week. Wednesday.

Fuck, I got a final then.

I got my final in engineering on Wednesday

night. Starts at 5.30.

Yeah, I guess I can't

make it. That's not gonna work. Yeah, I got

a final. That sucks balls, dude.

Yeah, and look, they have them too. They're available.

14 bucks. $13.25

plus fees to see ACDC

in five days on Wednesday.

Son of a bitch. Oh, well, whatever.

Well, they probably won't do any more concerts either.

Anyway, we're out of here, guys. I want to thank everyone

one who called in crazy fucker for calling in and rambling reclude and uh and milkman called

in also we didn't take any other calls um well no we also talked to uh big arty the evil arty

machine was up here also and uh we were going through the news but i think it's time to go

well there's the whole thing what else do i have uh real quick uh the walmart greeter who died

you heard about that right that was uh almost 24 hours ago that was almost a week ago exactly to

the minute uh walmart greeter died in a black friday stampede i don't know if you heard about

about that um i haven't seen the video the pictures but i heard i guess he was like a

it was the one up in new york yeah long island yeah he was um opening the doors they gotta send

somebody out to open those doors man that first day and he opened them he got trampled he got

stepped on he got killed by all the shoppers running in and then apparently they wouldn't

clear the way to get him help and then in the end like they said they had to close the walmart and

everyone was about to riot because they had been waiting and they wanted the deals and there

There weren't even any really good deals at Walmart at all.

There weren't any good deals anywhere that I know of.

I think Circuit City had a few semi-good deals.

Comp USA had good deals on flat screen monitors that I should have gotten.

Because look at these fucking huge fucking beasts that I have here.

These big CRT monitors.

They got them down to 125 now.

I'm going to get their 22 inch ones.

I'm going to get them for 125.

I'm going to buy three of them.

I'm going to put them up.

One, two, three.

What's that?

the guy was getting ready to open the door and these people were so impatient that they broke

the door frame down and knocked him down before he could actually get the door open and ran over

top of him and people were jumping over top and they had on security camera but people were moving

so fast and and and erratically that they couldn't never figure out which one did it the guy was

was laying there and that's right the uh ambulance and the police could not get to him for quite a

while and by the time they got there over 20 or 30 minutes later he was already dead so it's it's

a fact that guy there were footprints all over his back the man was murdered by several people

in public and in broad public and they're going to get away with it because they're fucking vicious

fucking nasty people that's fucking horrible dude just for for what to save 20 bucks on a dvd

player you did that or something it was that really worth it taking somebody's life are you

that fucking sick you people anyway so get this i want to i want to tell you this now i've they

were going to miss out on a good deal all right sure they were it's a it's a really big deal

like meant for this guy to die like that on the floor of a walmart a fucking a jamaican guy who

was a not even a walmart employee he was a fucking contractor he's a fucking he was a contractor that

They did maintenance, and they probably told him, hey, go open the doors.

He was like, yeah, man, okay, and the next thing he knows, he gets trampled to death.

You know, that's horrible.

Anyway, what I wanted to get at, you know, I've never been a really big fan of Walmart in the past.

I've always come up, and I've spoken about them.

I've watched every Walmart, anti-Walmart documentary that you can think of,

and I'm a supporter of the website WalmartWatch.com.

I have it in the past.

I've donated to them.

They're in charge of, and it's true, a lot of bad things to the,

you know have occurred you know i believe there's some negative acts aspects to walmart and all this

but um i got an email from them they send me these emails all the time walmartwatch.com here's one

dear carlito like many of you was outraged and saddened when i heard about jidamai dayataya

damur the long island walmart employee who was trampled to death by holiday shoppers

in a statement yesterday i extended our sincere condolences to the family of

whatever his name is no offense i'm sorry mr demore i want to know how and why this happened

yes there's plenty of blame to go to go around including the thousands of walmart shoppers who

participated in the stampede the responsibility however lies with walmart as mr demore's employer

the company put him in the position and made all of the decisions that led to that moment

walmart's management did not have enough trained employees in place in order they use common sense

policies to discourage the customers

from rushing the store.

You know what I think?

I've supported them in the past with their

anti-Walmart thing. They've made good points

in the past about how they destroy

small town, downtown area,

shopping, small business owners,

and the Walmart tax effect that they

add to the economy. But I think

it's kind of bullshit here that they're going to go off

and say, oh, Walmart's the

reason that this guy got trampled.

Walmart's not at fault here.

I mean, all they did was sell the

the low price stuff but these fucking jerk assholes are gonna get away with murder they're

gonna say that the responsibility is exactly what they say their responsibility lies with walmart

because they didn't have enough people trained employees in place to stop a to stop what like

several hundred people that rushed through the door i highly doubt that there would have been

any difference had you know they had a few walmart clerks stand up in front to stop the people from

rushing and i highly doubt that would have happened it was a bunch of jerky ass new york

people like they all are i had to do that long island who's from there dr lego's from long island

isn't he that guy see what i mean dr lego is probably involved with it i bet you he was part

of the rushers that's right we should call dr lego now and get him to tell us about that what

happened new video coming out yeah those crazy new yorkers killed one of their own

i'm just kidding i love you there's a lot of people in new york that listen to watch this

show they get pissed off fuck you motherfucker motherfucker fuck you fat motherfucker

i was in new york into a prison yeah i don't know so because they're

all of our friends in new york hate the message crazy pussy how you doing it's a privilege and

honor to talk to you there it's a privilege and honor to talk to you can i speak something

You have 45 seconds because we're running out of time.

Okay, okay.

All I want to say is that do not believe what you see on your television

and what you hear on your radio because that is all propaganda.

All right, let's see how long it goes for.

Milkman, take us out of here, bro.

It's like Carlito's Madhouse.

Awesome. Hey, I'd like to thank all of our friends for calling in to join us tonight.

All our friends over here in the synagogue.

Thanks a lot, Dino. All our buddies over there.

Stay tuned. Lots of exciting things going to happen tonight right here on the synagogue.

And don't forget, it's the Lars Party Nation tomorrow night, Friday.

That's right. All our friends right here on 8.6 The Mouth, we love you.

Thank you so much for joining us.

Ellie, the lonesome loser

the god of numbers, the god of

prank calls, the man himself

thank you so much here, MSG3

Clay, Nunu, Sir Nunu, our wanker

from England, our counterpoint, our man

in England, thank you so much for joining us

all of our friends, Coach Knee, our news reporter

all the friends out there that are interested

in joining in, we also welcome you

to join the Madhouse

you can make sure that

you can get your part and take action

alright

All right.

Participation like we're in the madhouse.

Also, record.

There's millions and millions of people calling in as well.

But it's all for you, our lovely listeners.

That's right, our dear friends out there.

We do it all for you.

That's right.

We drop the dime.

All we ask is you give us a time.

Share the message with the friend.

Share the message with the enemy.

We love you.

That's what I say, man.

I get him.

He was slow enough, so I said, that's messed up.

That's messed up.

And he's like, are you with me?

Yeah.

And he starts again.

And don't forget Mr. Tuck

Mr. Tuck Tuck Tuck

We also feature every week here

Tuckermike.com

Everybody

Tuckermike.com

Awesome

Mission in action we love you

Alright man

And don't forget the new episode of the latest

Tuckermike show and program of prank calls

And podcasts but without you our fearless leader

Our genuinely small father

On this show we love you

You, Carlito, hermano, thank you so much for letting us be entertained.

You're a really talented guy on any point in the system.

Now, back to you, Milkman Carlito.

Thank you, Milkman.

Everyone, be sure to visit Milkman's website, ilovelittlecats.com.

Tuck is over at tuckermike.com.

Our home page for this show is madhouselive.com.

Be sure to check out our forums.

We have a lot of prank calls.

I wanted to give that Thanksgiving podcast to you somehow, man.

Yeah, well, yeah, we'll put it up.

We'll make it a holiday one or something.

Maybe tweak it a little bit, something like that.

Put a little bit of jingle jangle in it, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so everyone...

I'm going to do one of those anyway.

Right, okay, there you go.

Well, there you go.

Now you've got a huge one there.

Make a Kwanzaa one even if you want.

SyndicateRadio.tv, please stay tuned.

Psychic Chuck.

I'm just going to do a little piece and give it to you a little bit at a time.

Good.

Psychic Chuck will be doing something at any moment as soon as we send out here.

I want to thank everyone there.

Lonesome Loser, of course, thank you for sending in

numbers as you always do

very helpful

right

right on

and there was someone else, Hollywood Vanya

want to thank you, do a good job

with our prank call

poster, our prank call editor

thank you very much

I updated the entire

Madhouse stream is updated now with

all current pranks

from the beginning of the show, from forever

up until Monday

Every single prank we've ever done on this show

For the most part is up there now

Anything that's been good

So be sure to check that out

I'm losing my voice, I'm going to sleep

Goodbye everybody, thank you for listening

We love yous

We'll be here on Monday, Monday morning at 9am

We'll be for our anti-Monday show

We'll catch you on Monday morning

Hopefully we'll be on Syndicate also

Let me know, Monday, yes, no Syndicate

Yes, no, maybe

Gracias

Dino says yes, we're approved

motherfuckers, Dino said it

Madhouse Radio is live

Thursday nights at 10pm Eastern

Why don't you shut the hell up

Fuck you, fuck you, fucking piece of shit

Be sure to visit us online at

Calls (27, 48 min of 2 h 33 min)

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