2008-12-08 Show

That woman didn't want to put me through, and I think it's because she's racist and doesn't want me to get the job.

Okay, first of all, you're judging her, and you don't even know her.

Well, you know how these people are.

No, I don't know how these people are.

Who the fuck is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

What the fuck is this?

All right, I guess we can go now.

It's Monday, December the 8th.

I'm Carlito, and Tuck is here with me.

Tuck, make yourself known, please, sir.

He is yes here.

Good.

I am yes here also.

I am Carlito.

I will be your host for the next two hours while we do prank calls in the afternoon on a Monday.

Our website is madhouselive.com as well as syndicateradio.tv.

Hi to everybody on Syndicate.

Hello to everybody tuning in on the Madhouse station watching us on video or with their ears.

Only their ears.

I need to reach down now, which is very...

it's a lot of work for me as a big guy to reach down it's too early in the day to be reaching

and stuff like that i got the job postings i didn't have a chance to go through the job

listings here early so i've got the i've got the yesterday's you know uh help wanted ads

uh but we'd have to go through and see what's a phone number what's not a fax number and if it's

a fun idea for a prank call we've been having a lot of fun with those i did also want to see if

we can call some starbucks on the on the west coast like in california where it's uh 8 19 a.m

right now it'll be nine o'clock by the time we call them that'd be kind of cool to call starbucks

well it's still early over there in la or something and just uh give give them some

shit i don't know because that's you know what because that's the busiest time of the week for

them i'm sure is monday morning at eight o'clock it's probably busiest for starbucks that's got

to be a busy day no everybody needs coffee on monday not me i don't work on mondays i i happily

traded

Tuck I happily traded

I happily traded

get a load of this this idea was excellent

I happily traded Saturdays

for Mondays off

so I work Tuesday through Saturday

but the beautiful thing is Saturdays

completely dead at work and I actually get

paid 10% more because of a shift

differential so I'm making more money

working less and I'm getting

the busiest day of the week off

and it gives me an opportunity to

do what I'm doing right now so hey

i think that's just another sign of my superior intelligence of the superiorness of the race of

latinos hispanics and the uh descendants of the iberian peninsula who are descendants directly as

well of the roman empire the true roman empire are the puerto ricans we're the sons of the roman

empire oh yeah we're more we're you know you white people always go off you white people you white

White people always go off like, oh, our ancestors and the Romans and this and that.

You didn't come from the Romans.

You came from like these Nordic kind of Neanderthal tribes and Vikings.

They conquered us.

Yeah, they conquered you, exactly.

Yeah, you're not as pure Roman as the Hispanics are.

We are direct descendants from Spain.

You know, the Romans went to Spain, Iberian Peninsula.

You know who was the most badass Puerto Rican Roman?

You know, if he was alive today, he would be Puerto Rican as Maximus from the movie Gladiator.

That would be a Puerto Rican if they made a remake of it.

They should do a remake of Gladiator in a post-apocalyptic world.

And there's a Puerto Rican, and they call him Maximus.

Yes, sir.

So you're saying a true ancient Roman of that age, of that time, the race, are actually what Puerto Ricans are now.

Exactly. That's correct.

correct we're the most we have the purest of roman blood among all the the ethnicities in

in the united states i well maybe you know why i take that back italians i guess i guess they

got us to there you know those italians are they're only a hair away really you're actually

warring points the other way really no i don't know they're they're about a hair wave you know

from uh because italy got a chromosome got more got invaded by moors and uh the other europeans

came in

so what

they tell you

now

isn't what

the old Roman

Latin Romans

were

yep

that's what I said

the Romans

and so the

Romans and Muslims

they hooked up

and stuff like that

really

that's sick

that sucks man

I wonder

is that how they got

they got invaded

later on

Roman Empire

they got invaded

and shit

by all that

cool

you know

the fucking

what is it

the crusades and shit okay gotcha i got this new shirt i bought this shirt for three dollars at

at the walmart and it makes me feel and look like isaac hayes it's a very isaac hazy shirt i i i

saw it and it said five dollars right i said oh my god five dollars still alive and kicking and

working for south park isaac hayes well he's dead but if it was it was five dollars right and when

When I got to the checkout, it was $3, man.

I was like, I just saved $2 instant.

Go Walmart.

Did he go to Africa once a year to be treated like a king?

Did he do that?

Did he go to Africa once a year to be treated as a king, as a case?

Yeah, that's what I heard.

He was some sort of ancestral king, some small little village.

Really?

He would go and be king for like a year and be pampered and shit.

Oh, jeez.

Yeah, he had an African wife and all that shit.

Oh, really?

It was like that, huh?

That's something.

Well, cool.

Whatever.

We, well, maybe we'll go that theme.

Maybe I'll tell people about Isaac Hayes.

I don't know.

Here, we got a countdown list here coming in from our listener, Master Incredible.

I don't know if it's Master, but it's just incredible, his name, his name.

And I'm not going to give out his numbers and stuff.

though but uh he gave us the top 10 the top five carlito voices apparently so let's see what he

says you're right we've never made a an attempt to do a top five but uh here we go number five

mexican car racer number four pub owner uh mexican car racer i think that's supposed to be um who's

he trying to say there uh eddie garcia okay which we just brought him back uh okay so pub owners

is number four three is the american okay now who's pub owner i didn't know i did pub owner i

think the american and the pub owner are the same number two dr nargas which you've only done one

prank with his and that's you know and i wanted to call last week there were there was an ad for

physicians for doctors and i was going to call with the voices dr nargas but and look it's here

again guys we got it here this week again so that you know they're still looking uh physician

physician wanted in jacksonville sign on bonus medical practice in jacksonville florida top pay

A physician.

Yep, 9 to 10 patients per day, no nights, no weekends, no call, no hospitals.

I am a physician.

Physician.

Visitingphysicians.com.

I don't know what the visiting part's about.

Anyway, so the number one is Jack Masterson.

All right, good deal.

I can dig that.

I am a physician.

Let's do that now before we do anything.

thing let's see if we get dr nargis to apply for a job hang on to change your voice to sound like a

man press three to record this call press one all right there we go we are changing our voice

machine and we'll replay it instantly i'll get it right up guys that's what she said come on damn

yous oh you've reached joe lanham with visiting positions i'm sorry i can't come right now we did

not get your message either because you were not speaking because you've pressed an incorrect key

To disconnect, press 1.

To record your message, press 2.

At the end of your message, press 1.

Yes, hello.

This is Dr. Fluhencio Nargas,

and I am interested in the Physician Wanted advertisement

that I see in the newspaper in Orlando.

I am able to travel.

I have one house in Jacksonville.

If this is in Jacksonville, this would make out very good.

I have experience in Miami and Fort Lauderdale.

and in Sears Sinai Hospital.

If you can call me back, please,

at 305-600-1766.

That is 305-600-1766.

Thank you.

If you are satisfied with your message,

press 1 to listen to your message.

Press 2 to erase.

Message review.

Yes, hello.

This is Dr. Fruhencio Nargas,

And I'm interested in the physician-wanted advertisement that I see in the newspaper in Orlando.

I am able to travel.

I have one house in Jacksonville.

If this is in Jacksonville, this would make out very good.

I have experience in Miami and Fort Lauderdale and in serious Sinai hospitals.

If you can call me back, please, at 305-600-1766.

That is 305-600-1766.

If you are satisfied with the message, press 1 to send your message with normal delivery.

Press 1 to send your message with urgent delivery.

Press 2.

Thank you.

Your message has been sent.

Goodbye.

What happens is, I used to work in a job that had,

that's the audix system i am so in it guys that i know the different systems and what they're called

that's the audix system you can tell by the woman's voice i know what who the audix chick

sounds like what that means is that when he sits back down at his desk even if he has five six

seven eight different messages from other people calling the same number mine's going to go to the

front of the list because i marked it as urgent as it always happened the urgent ones always got

Got marked first.

The most recent urgent one got marked first.

So hopefully he's going to give a call back.

And that's the new call back line.

We got another one here.

That's the Miami one.

I thought it would be appropriate for Dr. Nargis to be from Miami.

Yeah, so that's cool.

Hopefully we'll get a call back.

That line is, let me make sure.

Hang on.

Hang on, guys.

I remember I used to have relatives in Jacksonville.

I used to run down there.

You used to run down there, really?

That's cool.

Awesome, man.

And you remember Forrest Gump when he started running and he wouldn't stop running?

When I was a kid.

Yeah.

Hang on, I'm looking here.

Okay, so yeah.

I ran all the way from Tennessee to Florida.

Wow, you ran so far away.

You used to run all the time.

You ran so far away, Mr. Tuck, but you couldn't get away is what I heard, unfortunately.

I was a little kid, ran all the way around.

All right, so anyway, speaking of which, let's go ahead and see who we're going to call here next.

We'll take a look here.

Now, we got some submissions here first to get to.

I know Nunu has sent one in.

He wants us to call Ernie back.

Let's give this Ernie guy a call.

He's a guy on the webcam, everybody.

We've pranked him about three shows in a row now.

Oh, they're not playing no more, yo.

Well, Nunu says...

I knew he called earlier before the show started.

Right.

Oh, he did?

What happened?

What'd they tell him?

What happened?

They took the cam off after that?

Or they're not putting...

Yeah.

They won't give the phone to him.

Oh, they won't...

They're up on what's up now.

Oh, shit, really?

really, so we can't get through to him. We're gonna have to wait.

We're gonna let that stew for a while. Maybe one day

in a month or two, that we're like,

okay, we'll put you through to Ernie.

Give us a month or two. Yeah, exactly.

You see, Nunu, the problem is

I can't call for a guy with laptop

because of it. Yeah, I gotta speak

to a guy with laptop, and they're like,

who's this? Uh...

I am laptop. I like

laptop. I want to talk

to laptop. I want

to talk to laptop.

Laptop.

Oh, shit.

You call laptop the laptop.

And they tell him, that's my laptop.

I left my laptop there.

That's my laptop.

You laptop me laptop.

I am laptop me laptop me laptop me laptop.

Call in and do that, man.

That'd be funny.

Let's just do that for the hell of it.

Call in.

Oh, you got to get offline.

No, you don't.

Because you live in the middle of the sticks in Stickville.

And you don't have two phone lines.

You just barely got car machines

And flying machines over there

I do but I have to

Get on stairs and maybe

Using it

Hey Tuck is your horseless carriage

Foreign or domestic

That's a nice

I'm sorry

Alright my bad

The guys at the depot diner that you got to toss the phone

In the trash is there again

If people really want me to call

Let me call and do the laptop thing

That's kind of funny

If they're not fucking around, we'll just have fun with them.

I'm playing this for Tuck

since he ran so far away

to Jacksonville.

There he is.

They're putting him on cam now.

I guess Nunu's controlling things.

There we go. We got Ernie in the background

in a pink shirt.

And there's Guy with Laptop.

Let's call Guy with Laptop

everybody.

Did anybody turn

turned in a laptop there that I left. I just came in earlier and I had my laptop and I

lost it. I don't know if maybe you folks had seen it there. What time were you here? I

was there about an hour ago, maybe a little more than that. I was sitting at the counter

and I had a laptop and I think I left it there. I don't know if anybody's seen it. Just a

minute. Did you see a laptop here? No, we didn't see any laptop. What time were you

you're here well my friend told me to call him because he said that someone he looked like someone

had my laptop down there because i have the markings on it because i left i called so i i

don't know it was about an hour ago it has secret files in there and this there's a been there's

been pausing people trying to steal my files and my secret encryption oh no no we didn't find

there's been this this there's this ninja white man ninja and all that that's like a ninja and

and he goes around, and he's been trying to hack into my computer machine

and my laptop machine.

Oh, no, we didn't find any laptop, okay?

You sure the man in black isn't there?

Oh, the white ninja's over there.

Do you see him?

Look at the white ninja, everybody, right here.

This is the white ninja I was talking about.

To place a call, press 1 to listen to your recorded.

And this is my laptop there.

That's Ernie here in the background chilling,

and that's who we were talking to.

Everybody, that was a terrific prank call in video.

That's awesome.

awesome i have never seen a prank call like that where we could actually do it

technology is beautiful folks we had fun with that we got to you guys got to see the prank as

we did it that's that's beautiful all right cool so what's next what do we do next thank you

that was kind of fun this is kind of fun to do kind of experimental like the hologram reporters

that they had on election day on cnn i don't know if you guys saw that i failed to mention that but

when i saw it i was amazed it was like wow princess leia is in the house what now i don't

know man youtube it youtube it all right i don't have time to explain it now hologram go to youtube

and put in uh put in hologram cnn election day and i'm 90 certain you'll see what i'm talking

about my friend kokanee says this must be a welcome break of the middle of the night having

a show in the late afternoon instead of middle of the night that doesn't make sense what that

doesn't make sense kokanee what's your problem how you money make kokanee hollywood vagina is

tuning in what happened where had jen been is he still doing that yeah laptop jen stewart i don't

know jen stewart i communicate with him he's coming to my wedding he says he's got an invitation on

the way in about a month uh yeah yeah all right looking here for the newspaper let's see what

we're gonna call it if anybody has any suggestions if you have someone you want us to prank call oh

that reminds me we do have a prank call request here motherfucker we have a prank request came

Came in from some guy.

Let's see.

Jeremy sends in a prank request for an 18-year-old.

His number is blah.

And let's see here.

Tell us some more information.

His name is Matthew.

Okay.

He's sort of fat.

Has glasses.

Used to live in Kentucky.

Is a Catholic.

Has a sister named Mackenzie whose boyfriend is named Danny.

She might pick up.

Wow, that's a lot.

I need a whole manual for this one.

And is a big fan of the Green Bay Packers.

there's a weird fat mentally retarded girl at school named kiva and i always joke about him

liking her and he gets pissed off uh we got to call him sometime after 3 20 p.m i guess he's in

school right now maybe we'll save that for the christmas break maybe christmas week we'll give

a call like hey man what's up hey man but you know what i i i know you put down you know jeremy

i'm gonna be honest with you here now i know you put down he was 18 but be honest with me he's

He's still in high school.

He's like 16, right?

I bet he's like 15 or 16 or something like that, you know?

And we kind of, I don't know if we really would like to do a prank call to such a minor.

I know it sucks, dude.

Let me tell you, when I was 15, 16, I was really into radio.

And I used to want to call in to a lot of radio shows.

Just as long as you don't almost tell there's a Santa Claus again.

I used to tell people all the time.

I used to call in and they'd say, how old are you?

I said, I'm 16.

They'd say, oh, you got to be 21.

And they'd hang up on me.

I'm like, motherfucker.

We have a problem.

we have a crisis here in the show i'm getting air messages here that say the following plugging is

unresponsive shockwave flash would you like to stop it but i don't know if that controls in

any way our video fees on any of the stations actually so i i don't i don't know i don't know

if we should stop it are we even on right now on the flash doesn't that run your ticket video or

something i don't know to be honest with you let me go ahead and stop them let's let's put the

the whole thing on the brakes

real quick. I don't know what will be

causing that. It might just be

a website that I'm logged into that's unresponsive.

And it's

all frozen now. Great. Okay, well,

we're going to stop it. And, yep,

Mogulus is crashing.

Shockwave crash.

Yeah, we have a general crash here, everybody.

We have a general crash. We'll be right back

in a moment.

Give me that job. Yeah.

Give it. Yeah, give me the job.

It said 684 South Highway

I don't recognize

That doesn't

Let me put it in my GPS

Are you taking down the address?

454

Southwest 1792

I got it

And that's in Longwood

Where is it at? Please confirm

It's coming in between 9 to 1 and 2 to 4

Monday through Friday

Hang on so I have you down for a job offer

9 to 1 and 2 to 4 Monday through Friday

Great

That's excellent

Excellent. So I'll take those hours. I can absolutely work that schedule. That's fine.

Oh, okay. All right. So we'll see you when you come in, all right?

So do I have to bring a copy of my driver's license and social security number?

You'll only need that once they hire you, sir.

Just come in and fill out the application.

You just made me the offer, 9 to 1 and 1 to 4. You said that was my shift.

9 to 1 and 2 to 4, come in to fill out the application.

I can work that. That's fine. I'll take the offer from 9 to 1 and 2 to 4.

Sir, just please come in and fill out the application during those hours, sir.

Is that Monday through?

We're glad to interview you between those hours.

Is that Monday through Friday?

Monday through Friday, sir.

Do you have a different time?

Sir, then you can find out about all that once you come in and fill out the application and meet with management, okay?

What if I come in at 1 o'clock?

Can I leave at 10 instead?

Well, sir, if you come in at 1 o'clock, you will not have an interview.

The interviews are from 9 to 1 to 2 to 4, okay?

I don't understand.

9 to 1 and 2 to 4.

But I want to change for the second shift.

I want a second shift.

Job, please.

To place a call, press 1.

So desperate.

It's so desperate out there right now with the jobs, man.

That felt good.

Are you sure you have the right girl?

I just got here.

I don't know.

Beggars can't be choosers.

Any port in the storm, you know?

Do you have a vagina?

I think I do.

That'll do.

It doesn't have, like, the AIDS in it or anything or, like...

No, not yet.

I haven't upgraded.

Is it that, you know, that...

Are you attracting bears?

Are you, like, attracting bears?

No, I'm not.

No, I'm not attacking him.

Who's making all that noise in the back?

What's his name?

Yes.

Okay, everybody, we have restored the mainframe, apparently.

We should be coming back in in about three seconds.

In two, in one, and there we go.

All right, good, we're back.

All right, everybody, thank you very much for being patient.

We lost a major general crash, as I said, a horrible transition.

Tuck will be giving a full report on the Madhouse News at the top of the hour.

Be sure to stay tuned for that, everybody.

buddy the great crash of december 8th will be reported all right so come on we got to do some

prank calls now listen to those calls i got a little inspired as we were recueing the cameras

up again and recovering from that crash as i as i said let's take a look what's available here

uh we got housekeep house cleaning reference needed housekeeper but that's that's for a

fax resume hang on where my uh gosh i gotta find my uh pen and i need some water also while i'm at

anyway i got a big one here i'm gonna it's gonna have to do i'm gonna have to draw really fine on

this thing because it'll bleed through all right we've got a driver industrial contractor job here

for 400 a week let's do we can check that out i'm gonna circle that now uh this is not gonna work

it's too thick it's gonna bleed everything over fuck hang on folks don't go anywhere right back

i'm gonna get water and a sharpie one moment please okay that's more like it now i'm back

yeah i got this is a much better pen here for us to use let me get the water out of the way before

it spills over i got the i got see i love this pen it's a big duo they're hard to find but when

i find them i usually buy several of them right there the big do i highly recommend this pen

i carry it with me at all times they got black versions and blue versions two of each

and if you take a look here you start out you take the cap it's a very big pen so it's easy

Easy to use, it's very comfortable, it's hard to lose.

It's got a nice little soft kind of part there for you to put your fingers on.

And check this out, it's a pen, you twist it, it's a highlighter.

A pen, a highlighter.

I'll do it closer to the camera.

Highlighter, pen.

So see, it's very useful.

When I used to have a job where I had to write stuff and then highlight what I wrote immediately after.

and I would have to take the pen and write my name in the note.

Then I'd have to put the pen down and pick up the highlighter.

Yeah, now in one shot I would write, flip, highlight.

I was so fast.

I was the envy of that company.

Anyway, so here we go.

Driver, industrial contractor, marked.

You have to get what you wrote.

That's where you highlighted what you wrote.

That's right.

We got another, we got no experience required CDL training in your area.

Don't forget it.

Covenant Transport has immediate openings for entry-level semi-drivers.

semi you can earn up to 900 bucks a week apparently okay wow that sounds great uh we got a lot of

drivers here um wow there's another driver we're in a park area estimator what's an estimator there

we go that sounds kind of fun estimator uh finish grader operator top pay 10 years experience

benefits we'll do that fire extinguisher tech all right uh but uh we got a number to call also

So we've got to call Lance, L-A-N-T-Z, Lanzels, for anything I'm going to say, just like that.

Fire extinguisher tech.

Wow, there's a lot of jobs this week.

I mean, the paper, let's take a look at the paper itself.

Remember last week, it was only like two pages.

Let's see, we've got a nice full bottom half of the first page.

Oh, yeah, there's more jobs this week than there were last week.

Things are getting better, I guess.

There you go, there's your Orlando job market.

Let me look at my, which would be information technology.

and they have three jobs good they didn't have any last week this week we got three

clinical application specialists uh no phone number there see programmer two no phone number

there and uh facts only now so now none of those fun ones would be there who did we have fun with

last time it's the sales ones that are fun those the telemarketing ones and that's in customer

service let's look at that let's take a look here customer service customer service where is

customer service that's health health engineering customer service here we go okay uh sea world

again they didn't pick up last week uh we also have full-time part-time gas electric company

nights and days in longwood and we got the phone number okay that's good and finally we have oh

look at that in my old hometown customer service outbound earn one thousand dollars a week weekly

pay and training paid training pull time far time pull time pull time part time full time uh days

and evenings in my hometown i'm not going to give up the city that's promising there as well let me

mark those here where they go i lost them already there they are i'm gonna mark them both all right

folks well if you guys don't mind holding here i'm going to get the first the next prank call

of the night here uh of the day rather on the line uh we're going to call the estimator in

sales. After that, I'm going to call

the fire extinguisher tech. So, we've got

that to look forward to. Let's play a song in the meantime.

Hang on.

Yes, hello, my madam. I'm looking

for a job. I saw your

advertisement in the newspaper

machine today. I'm

so excited that we're going to be working together.

My name is Francisco.

My last name is Cartagena.

Would you please put me down for one job?

I will take from 9 to 6

and work good.

Well, we work from 9 to 5.

Oh, even better.

Okay, great.

So put me down 9 to 5.

well

how about we do this first do you have any telemarketing experience yes i have five years

telemarketing experience i'm the number one salesman every place i go to people get jealous

of me they've tried to put stuff in my coffee and my tea to get me sick so that i will leave

early so i want to have as many sales i'm not kidding you i'm i'm a major major league

telemarketer salesperson.

I'm very good on the phone.

I make deals.

I touch the people's souls

and I make them see

the face of God

and they buy

what I want to sell them.

Well, that's good.

Thank you for making me

laugh this morning.

I was having a rough morning,

but...

But seriously, though,

I am interested in the job.

You can't, you know,

you know by law

you have to go

through the motions,

so let's go, sweetie.

You're funny.

Yeah.

What day would you like

to come in

to fill out an application?

What day is good for you?

When do you take your lunch?

I don't really get

to take a lunch.

I stay pretty busy all day.

Well, let's make an exception.

How about an interview lunch, me and you?

Well, I can't give you the interview.

I can just give you the application to fill out.

What about after interview lunch?

After interview dinner?

After interview breakfast?

I really don't think that my husband would like that very much.

What's his name? Do I know him?

James. No, probably not.

I know a James. Is he bi?

I know a bunch of Jameses.

Would he be into, like, watching and stuff like that?

No.

No?

So what do you sell there?

Do you sell, like, vitamins?

No, we don't sell vitamins.

I don't have all the information on all the programs.

Oh, you guys sell, like, perverted stuff probably, right?

Oh, that's sick.

You're disgusting.

No, I don't think that I would work for a company that sold...

Well, actually, I probably would.

Are you guys near, like, Normandy?

Where are you guys at exactly?

We are on Deltona Boulevard in between Enterprise and DeBerry.

My God, lady.

What?

You know?

It's a shame that people like you operate in this once stellar town.

Why?

When did you move?

Are you a transplant?

When did you move to Deltona?

I don't live in Deltona. I live in New Smyrna.

Oh, look at me. I don't live in Deltona. I live in Deltona.

Why don't you get out of Deltona?

We have plenty of problems with jobs in Deltona,

and this 15-year-old mayor of ours who doesn't seem to know what he's doing.

Well, I'd love a new job, but I'm in between being a divorcee, so...

Oh, see, here we go. See, now you're a divorcee.

No, I'm not yet.

See, now we're getting the truth about it now.

All right, that's fine.

I'm not yet.

If you don't want to have Central Florida's best hibachi-style Japanese steakhouse, that's fine.

No problem with me.

Would you like to come in and fill out an application?

I'll take you to the casino boat, too.

We can go to the casino boat, and they have sushi in this bar.

You can get sushi right there.

How can you invite somebody out to dinner onto the casino boat that you've never even met in your life?

Because you sound sexy.

You sound sassy.

That's how I would say it.

S-E-S-S-Y.

why you should write that down that's how i describe your voice sassy would that be in between

sassy and sexy yeah that's it's a blend of the two i like my woman with a little sass i think

you've got me pretty good just by hearing my voice all right well look i don't want to get

you in trouble with your husband because i know you're probably getting excited and you're

contemplating and then i'll be a home wrecker and i've been there done that okay plenty of times

goodbye how about we set you up for a job no not really but thank you very much for your time i

I appreciate it.

Okay.

Bye.

I think she would have gone for it, dude.

Had it been serious, you know, I might call her back.

Hey, what's up, Wode?

Excellent.

That's great.

We got to bleep out those city names before you people start tracking me down.

That's close to home right there, dude.

Don't want that.

That will not be on the replay.

Which one was that?

Customer service outbound.

Done with that one.

I think we should come back for that laptop yet.

That was kind of fun.

Laptop, laptop.

Laptop, laptop, laptop, laptop.

yeah all right let's go ahead and call fire extinguisher tech got a good idea for that one

from the old school from back when i was in high school you know one of those that got inspired i

could just call my old hometown where i grew up did a prank i've never done a prank call to that

town before we're gonna be asking for lance l-a-n-t-z evil already already well yeah because

he grew up in a town next to mine right across the river on the other side of the bank he knows

That's where I live.

All righty.

What's Artie doing?

Artie's giving out information.

They'll be leaking information, Artie.

I heard the biggest leak in Syndicate is Artie.

He gives out the passwords to people all the time.

I'm just saying.

No, he doesn't.

I'm just kidding.

No, he doesn't.

Thank you for calling Gator Fire Equipment Company.

Our normal business hours are Monday through Friday, 7.30 a.m. to 4.30 p.m.

If you have reached this message and need emergency service,

Please contact Lance Holthauer at 407-470-

Talk, I missed it because you had to talk.

Thank you and have a great day.

I missed it because, damn it.

Let me call it back and find that one number to call the guy back at.

Hang on.

Listen to this.

We'll play a song called Black.

I need to make some coffee, dude.

I just woke up around 11.

I came straight here to the office.

But not yet.

Not yet.

Yes, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Calling Gator Fire Equipment Company.

Our normal business hours are Monday through Friday, 7.30 a.m. to 4.30 p.m.

If you have reached this message and need emergency service, please contact...

Okay, I got the number now.

It's ringing.

We're going to call it back now.

Yeah, I got experience with a fire extinguishing technician job,

and I would like to see if I could come in for an interview.

You and me, buddy, we're going to sell some damn fire extinguishers.

Okay, what's your name?

My name is Bruce.

Last name is Worthington.

Bruce Worthington.

You need my phone number there, good man.

I got it on the phone here.

You got a phone?

Do you have yellow Nextels, or what kind of Nextels do you guys ride in?

Mine is a big fancy one.

I've got a yellow Nextel.

I got my own yellow Nextel.

I got my own truck, too, if I need it.

Really?

You got a permit now?

Yeah, I do.

I've had five years of experience.

I maintain fire extinguishers, sell them.

I used to troubleshoot them.

them i used to go to the apartments i used to take them and then there's one time these kids

they kept um they kept uh setting them off in the apartment hallways and everything you know

so we came up with a great idea we we we put the fire extinguishers completely under um locking

key to keep the kids from getting to them and spraying them inside the buildings and it worked

out so we did i did have a lot of experience with you know troubleshooting the fire extinguisher how

you pull the ring i show them you take it out like this you pull the ring you stand about five

inches back from the fire and you pull it down you pull the lever down you pump it for a few pumps

and then you push it like that you you grab the handle and go right so can you put me down for

what do you have like for shift differentials are you are you smoking sir are you okay i mean is

there something wrong that with me that you're coughing so much what's the matter no i'm good

i got a little you know horse throat but i'm okay um fax over your uh resume well i can i'm gonna

I'm going to fax over my Social Security card and my driver's license.

You can have it on file.

Now, for the side of my truck, what kind of decal are you going to put on the side of my van?

I've got a van that I can give you.

No, I'd rather drive mine because I have a side operation that I do in the van also.

That's good.

Yeah.

That's good.

Do you guys check for alcohol as well as paraphernalia?

I don't get in all that.

That's good.

How long will it take?

I mean, would I need to be, like, two weeks clean, or how exactly?

It'd have to be long enough to get past my bosses, that's it.

Which test is it that you guys do?

We do them all.

Okay.

All of them?

Around 11, 20, yeah.

Do you guys do the reverse spin plasma test?

I'm not quite sure what that one is.

That's the blood sample they put in the one machine that goes spins really fast, really fast, really fast, like that.

And it separates the plasma.

But you get paid to do that one, don't you?

No, not necessarily, but this is a test that you do to see if, you know,

for the carcinogens inside the toxicity and stuff like that.

All right, buddy, so look, you're really getting annoying.

I guess you're not being serious here.

You're not looking to be serious.

I guess you're like a woman or something that answers the phone.

Are you the secretary?

Is that what it is?

Can you have a man call me back?

Do you have the number there?

Like I said, just...

Because I'm not having this talking to the vagina woman on the phone

who is not being serious about getting the job.

I got the job.

What do I got to do?

Since I'm the only one here and the secretary, I need to answer the line.

So back me up.

Well, who was answering the phone in the background?

Can you put me through it, please?

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to your...

Fucking asshole.

Get mad or get off the phone, dickhead.

Hey, hey, there.

That's funny.

Fuck you.

You're wasting time with a fire extinguisher, man.

Who cares?

All right, so that was fire extinguisher, man.

After that, next we can do finish grader operator.

This is the person who grades the machine, I guess.

I don't know.

I guess they grade the pink sock.

Evil Artie has a pink sock.

Okay, good deal.

And he's typing in color.

See, you see what I was telling you here, Tuck?

Remember for the longest time that Douche wanted to be green?

How come Evil Artie was able to figure out how to make his text orange?

I kept telling him, just do it yourself.

Evil Artie of all people was able to figure that out.

Yeah, I told him, you can do it yourself.

Make your own text green.

Make Douche green.

All right.

only banned him, and now he's able to do it just fine, look, I kept telling him, make

yourself all green, go to your settings and do it, I can't, he's disabled, well, he's

not disabled, sorry, fucking weirdo, man, I, I, I haven't even had breakfast yet, there's

nothing to eat in the house, I haven't gone grocery shopping yet, I'm gonna have to do

do that later today um what time is it 12 11 we were still early i guess we still got another

we got another 50 minutes here still uh we got jobs here for drivers that's always a possibility

i did talk about that earlier let's see what's in the health section here play some music since

i'm just kind of browsing we don't want to have a lot of dead air oh facts no one let nobody likes

to get phone calls anymore here we go cna certified nurse's assistant okay okay guys

i should have already come over right now i don't know if he's in he's far away though he's not in

orlando anymore because he dropped out he's not in the dorm although he has the right to live in

that stay in that dorm still i think for another week or two he should be she should totally be

living in his own house even if he filled i would still go out there i live on a mattress and and

and just be like yeah i'm a bastard still till i had to move back home fuck that dude fuck that

noise moving back home there's no picnic it's not fun you're under the the watchful eye of

of your mom and your dad and that's not here we go drug background screening required but there's

no phone number you gotta mail in your resume or go there in person we'll screw that call hr for

an appointment here we go housekeeping in the village on the green looking for two full-time

housekeepers to work monday through friday and one weekend a month two to five years experience

in a hotel or apartment setting required full benefit package call human resources for an

an appointment at

Equal Opportunity Employer

in DFW. What's DFW?

Drug Free Workplace. See, I know

that, motherfucker. Alright, let's call.

Hey, how you doing, sir?

I'm so good now

that I'm talking to you, sweetheart.

I'm so good now that I'm talking

to you, sweetheart.

You want

water pool? Fuck yeah.

Let's do that. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah, man.

What's your phone number?

It is 407-459-4444.

4444?

No, no, no.

4444.

Yeah, 4444.

Wait, what again?

What did you say?

Okay.

404-459-4444.

No, no, no.

What's the last four again?

4444, right?

How many fours are in that?

Four.

44?

Yeah.

Yeah. What's your number? Give me again.

407.

407?

Yeah. 449.

449?

4444.

4444?

Yeah. Could you read that to me again, please?

Yeah. 4307, 449, 4444.

What was the last four?

4204 or 4207?

How many fours?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

No, but the last four.

Four.

How many?

The last...

That was for four.

Okay, what you saying?

Okay, you want...

For the four?

Yeah.

What's for?

What's the address?

I want...

Oh, I'm going to come pick it up.

I don't like you people coming to my house.

Because the last time this man got sexual with my dog...

You coming here to pick it up?

You know what's wrong with it?

Well, I don't want...

Is your guy going to come touch my dog again on the penis?

I know.

You know where we are, right?

What's wrong?

Well, yeah, I know where it is.

but i don't want anybody coming over here touching my dog's penis you know you know my restaurant

address i know where your restaurant address is yeah where where it's in philly in rising sun

avenue where they're all those the chinese people are yeah right you know for my meal sensor i don't

know what the hell you're saying what's my phone number again you know for my meal sensor what you

know for my meal phone a meal for my meal sensor yeah sure whatever you say bro okay what's your

How do you money make?

Okay, fax it.

You want me to fax the order?

Okay, hang on. You ready?

Can you hit number 4?

Hit number 4.

The button number 4.

Hit the number 4 and I can fax you the menu, the order.

What's 4? 5 to 5?

Number 4.

Number 4 what? Number 4 5 to 5 to conspiracy?

Yes, yes sir.

Huh?

Uh-huh.

Not yet, my friend.

Can I get the number 44 on the menu?

44 what?

Number 44 on the menu.

You have number 44.

44 what?

Which one, 44?

With chicken.

Huh?

Chicken 44.

Chicken 44?

Yes.

Why?

Yeah.

The 44 is the profile line, my friend.

Well, I was asking what number 44 was, and you not answer me, so I had to make...

Yeah, 44 is the profile line, my friend.

Not chicken or my friend?

Not chicken, okay?

Okay.

Chicken is 43.

Chicken's 43.

Okay, waiting for the ring machine.

Hello.

Yes.

Who is this?

This is Sunbelt Apopka.

Well, I don't understand.

I was trying to call, and there was just silence.

Did you have the phone on mute, and you weren't supposed to?

No.

I had to hit the pound button to get through to you.

Is there a problem with your phone?

Is your phone broken?

No.

I'm interested in the CNA job.

I have experience in things like this, and I would like to speak.

You're welcome to come and fill in an application.

We're open until 6 in the evening.

Well, it says here that I'm supposed to speak with Amy Dickens, so please put me through to her.

No, you don't have to.

You don't have to.

Wait a minute now.

Listen, I learned in school, where I went to school for applying jobs,

and it said that when it says please contact and it has a name, you're supposed to ask,

I need to speak to Amy Dickens' Don right now.

Right away, please.

She's not available right now.

She's in a meeting.

Are you sure?

What's the meeting about?

Uh-huh.

How many people in the meeting?

Why should I tell you?

Because I think you're lying.

I don't think there's a meeting.

I think you're making that up.

Oh, wonderful.

If you think it that way, let it be that way.

How many people in the meeting?

Tell me the truth.

Why should I tell you?

There's no meeting.

Tell me the truth.

There's no meeting.

You're lying.

And let me speak.

Is it because I'm Hispanic and I'm calling that you don't want me to speak to you?

To place a call, press 1.

Please enter your destination.

Let's call her back.

Starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Hey, how are you doing, sir?

Oh, we can't play this again.

Hey, how are you doing?

Good, okay?

I am so good now that I'm...

Yes, I'm sorry.

of the conversation was bad, but I really

need a job. I'm begging you. I'm on my last

unemployment check. I'm answering the call to someone.

Hold on. Oh, Jesus.

Maybe this is the security.

I'm sorry that I got so upset.

I just, I'm on my last unemployment

check, and I used to be a CNA,

and I'll do anything to get

the job. Okay, first of all, who are you?

This is Jack Valente. Jack Valente.

Are you calling for the DON?

No, I'm calling for, well, it says here to speak

to Amy Dickens-Dawn,

and I said I need to speak to that person,

And that woman didn't want to put me through

And I think it's because she's racist

And doesn't want me to get the job

Okay, first of all, you're judging her

And you don't even know her

Well, you know how these people are

No, I don't know how these people are

Second of all, Amy Dickens, her name is in the paper

That's true

But we are up on the direction

Whoever comes, whoever calls

We always ask them to come into the facility

And apply

Usually if she's in a meeting, then you'll speak with me

I'm under the direction

I am under the direction of Jesus Christ, and I say that I need a job, and I need to...

Okay, then you need to come in and apply for the position if you're interested in a job here.

But your advice does not guarantee them a position.

Well, look, listen, if it says you have the position, and I have 18 years experience doing CNA stuff,

then you have... who else are you going to get?

I mean, what if I'm a man, and I have the most experience?

Who wins the game?

Me.

Me, right?

So unless you have some...

I think you might need something other than a job.

What do you...

Oh, here we go.

What do you think I need?

An adjustment?

Okay, sir.

Listen, only thing I can tell you to do is come in and apply.

I have experience wiping people's asses with paper towels and cleaning up vomit.

To place a call, press 1 to listen to your recorded...

Okay, that was kind of fun.

I love it when they get all like, uh-uh, ooh, uh-uh.

and i forgot to put the cam on for that shit so you're not gonna see me i was actually having fun

doing that i love it because i laugh it's awesome to do these video pranks now because you can see

me like laughing and making faces and getting all into it and that's that i think that helps

out with the prank call when i use my hand she she was getting upset hollywood good point

nunu is back he was away now he's back the phone is ringing and perhaps this is a call back from

a prank call we did earlier no this is hollywood hello hey baby hey what's going on tits how you

you doing buddy who tits you know tits man tits what's up yeah interesting call that we just did

right now that lady was like a rude boy bumble clut oh man yeah hey i i called ernie this morning

so what happened tell us about yeah tell us about ernie something i heard something was going on

is i called them early he wasn't there so i called there and i said please tell me that ernie i

I actually had the call up in the forum.

That one and another one I just made from Nunu.

Oh, shit.

They're already uploaded?

Yeah, I've already got it.

I spoof carded it, man.

Okay.

All right, cool.

Let me do that.

So I called and said, please tell me that Ernie is there.

And they're like, he's not.

I'm like, oh, my gosh.

I think he was in an accident this morning and he's dead.

Please tell me he's there.

And then I tried to get the lady to pray with me over the phone.

Nobody will pray on the phone.

They will pray on the phone

What is

What is people not

Why do people not

Want to pray on the phone

It's a taboo

I don't know

I guess you're just scared

People are scared

To pray with strangers

Apparently

Like I'm not praying with you

I don't know you

What are you doing

Some kind of devil prayer

I want to get

I want to get an atheist

To try to pray

Well it would be good

To tell someone

To pray with you

And halfway in the prayer

Change to like

You know pray to Satan

You know our dark lord

Yeah you know

Just don't

Don't do the voice

But just say you know

We praise the

Satan, dark lord

Among all the demons

Yeah, and see where they're like

Uh, this is not the

You gotta get your voice to race

We praise thee, Beelzebub

Oh yeah, there you go, like a teenager, one of those kids

Alright, so Ernie Dead, is it funny?

Should I play it? Sure

Alright, good deal, here we go

I'm gonna play that real quick while we get ready to do the next call

I'm queuing it up now, sir

So, do you have someone to call

Or should we call another job posting here?

Call another job, man

I don't have anybody right now.

Nunu put a call in, surprisingly, into the actual IRC chat.

Oh, really?

Yeah, so I called it, and that's the other call that's up there.

Okay, cool.

All right, I'll see that.

The lady, apparently her husband just recently died,

and she's trying to sell off his clothes.

Oh, jeez.

See, all right.

Okay, well, I'll see that's another dark call from Hollywood,

the king of dark calls.

Now, that's Reclude.

Reclude, man with the anti-Koran stuff.

Oh, my God.

I mean, it was bad, but it was so funny to hear him just go off like that.

He's like, yeah, I like to shit and piss on the Koran.

I was like, what the hell?

Oh, my God, man.

Oh, man.

That would be a good question, like, to call a Catholic priest and ask him,

hey, if I desecrate the Koran, am I still going to hell?

Because it's a holy book, but we don't recognize it.

It's really just a book.

Yeah.

You know, would I go to hell if I shit and pissed on the Koran?

Just to see what they would say.

That would be kind of a good thing to do, I guess.

Okay, anyway, here we've got estimator sales.

I've got drivers.

I've got finished grader operator.

Estimator sales, I call in and tell them, look, I am such a great estimator.

Over the phone, I can estimate how much you weigh.

All right, there you go.

I can estimate how old you are.

There you go.

It says for CBC, concrete, masonry, and room additions.

Room additions, yeah.

So you can remember that, or how about I just type it to you here real quick.

That's cool.

I'll write it down.

All right, cool.

Well, I'll send it to you in a second.

and nobody go anywhere

listen to this call

and we'll do another call

of our own

hang on

yeah

who is this

hello

who is this

this is Norma

Norma hi

my name is George

please tell me

that Ernie is there

Lisa

no Ernie

please tell me

Ernie is there

no he's not here

oh gosh

why

I think he's been

in an accident ma'am

and I was just

I was just hoping

and praying

that he was there

that it wasn't him

him. Have you seen him today? No, I haven't seen him yet. Probably he's driving in the

freeway. You know what? I'm almost positively sure it was his truck that got hit. I hope

not. Oh, God. All right. Talk to you later. Bye. Do me a favor. Will you just pray? Pray

right now with me? All right. Pray it's not Ernie. Pray it's not Ernie, please. Pray to

The God is not earning it.

He's crushed in the train.

All right.

We'll pray for him, okay?

Don't do it right now, please.

Bye.

I did it.

Okay, I will.

Bye.

Don't do it right now so we can hear.

Oh, you bitch at the very end.

You've reached 407-677-Robertson Concrete and Masonry.

Can you leave a message?

Please leave your name, number, and I'll call your message.

Leave the spoof number.

Yes, hello.

Hello, my name is Vanya, and I'm calling for the estimating job for the concrete masonry and room estimate, or room addition.

Please give me a call back at 407-459-4534.

I can actually, the estimating, I've got down pat.

You've got no problem with it.

I used to work in a side circus, and I could estimate anybody's weight within three pounds.

I never lost one thing.

I could actually estimate how much a room was going to cost.

I can estimate anything that you need me to do.

If you need me to estimate how long you and your wife are going to be married, I can do that as well.

Also, how many kids you're going to have, I can do that.

Any kind of estimating you need, I can do.

So please give me a call.

Once again, my name is Vanya, 407-459-4534.

You have a wonderful day, and I love you.

Bye-bye.

Ryan, terminate the call, please.

All right.

Was that too much?

No, that was fine.

No, a reminder to myself to terminate the call.

I'm going to move for some pizza, but I had pizza yesterday.

It's kind of bad to have pizza two days in a row, I think.

It's not a good thing to do.

Not a good thing to do.

All right, and we actually have a second spoof.

We got a 305 area code new number that I got as well.

Is better than fresh pizza?

Is that so, Tuck?

All right.

So I'm opening the paper.

I'll let you know we got housekeeping here.

Housekeeping.

Oh, you know what?

We could name you the new character as a housekeeper.

We talked about it on Friday.

Really?

Which one?

Rachel.

Oh, Rachel Slur.

That's right.

Yeah, let's do that.

Let's do Rachel Slur.

Just, you know, like I said, it'd be funny, like, there's going to be a female voice,

Rachel Slur, and, you know, when you ask to repeat the name Rachel Slur, you accuse them

of calling you a Rachel Slur.

Yeah, I'm going to speak to their manager.

Yeah.

They called me a Rachel Slur on the phone.

Yeah, there you go.

Awesome.

Awesome. Brilliant. All right. Let's do that. Housekeeping, everybody. It's called the Village on the Green. Looking for two full-time housekeepers Monday through Friday, one weekend a month, two to five years experience in a hotel. So remember, tell them you got six years experience doing apartment and hotel housekeeping, all right?

We got it.

All right, 10-4, everybody, stand by.

We're going to play this other call.

Is this a long call?

Is this enough juice to get a call dialed up?

Yeah, yeah, it's enough.

Okay, this is titled, Call for Men's Dress.

Here's a request from Nunu to call a number who had men's clothes for sale.

No, actually, it was Kokanee.

It wasn't Nunu.

Kokanee, okay.

Yeah.

Kokanee to call a number who had men's clothes for sale.

Interesting.

Okay, here we go.

Hang on, folks.

Hello?

Yes, ma'am.

Is this the number for the assorted men's clothing for $20 and up?

Oh, yes.

Okay, yes.

Yes, can you tell me, what all do you have?

What I have?

Yes, what men's clothes do you wear?

I have men's court trousers,

wool trousers, dress trousers.

Dress trousers?

What are dress trousers?

Dress.

Oh, dress.

Oh, you've got men's dresses.

Good, I need some men's dresses.

Okay, how much are the men's dresses, ma'am?

And what size are those waist?

38.

The 38 waist?

Where's the colossal ring?

38 waist for the men's dresses.

Welcome to Village on the Green's Employment Job Line and Human Resources.

To listen and inquire about our current job openings, press 3 now.

Otherwise, you may press 1 to leave us your message regarding an open position.

Please hold while I transfer your call to Village on the Green Job Line.

I hope they pick up.

They might.

We'll hit 0.

Always works.

Yeah.

This jam is my jam.

Welcome to Village on the Green's Employment Job Line and Human Resources.

To listen and inquire about our current job openings, press 3 now.

We're currently accepting applications for a number of part and full-time positions.

Listen carefully to the following message and choose the position you feel best represents your knowledge and skills.

If you'd like to leave us a message to mention your interest in a particular position, press 1.

At this time, you should experience a brief pause and we'll be redirected back to our main menu.

Then press 1 to leave us your message.

In your message, please tell us your name, telephone number, and the job title.

Currently, Village on the Green has job opportunities for the week ending October 31, 2008.

Our organization is currently recruiting for one position in our housekeeping department.

This position is for...

Please hold while I transfer your call to...

Village on the Green job line.

I'm going to find their main phone number and call it.

To Village on the Green's employment job line and human resources.

No, that's not going to work.

I'm going to look for it right now, though, see if I can find their main number.

See if we can fornagle our way into talking to someone.

Village on the Green, and it's in this town in Florida.

I think that might be it.

It says Beauty Salon, though.

It doesn't make any sense.

Village on the Green Health.

I think it's a whole little subdivision kind of place, apparently.

Could be, yeah.

I don't know.

It was Village on the Green, right?

Let's see here.

See if they put the address in here.

See if it can match it.

Village on the Green, and yeah.

Doesn't that make sense, like a little health spa, the luxury thing?

You think so?

And they've got a website here, too, villageonthegreenrc.com.

Let's take a look at that here.

Yeah, that looks like that would be it.

Okay, cool.

So we've got their main phone number now.

Good deal.

You want to try that again, Hollywood?

All right.

So ask...

Old folks home.

Tell them, you know what you do from the bat,

tell them you're returning a call regarding a position

that someone called you in response to a job position.

Okay.

And they'll probably be like,

okay, sure, put you through the human resources right now,

and you'll get an actual person.

Awesome.

Awesome. Okay, don't go anywhere, anybody. We'll be right back.

Front desk village on the green.

Yes, ma'am. My name is Rachel, and I'm calling back to get...

I had to call back for a job interview.

Hold on, please.

Thank you.

Awesome.

You have reached Ann Cook, Human Resources Assistant.

Please leave your name...

Place a call. Press 1 to listen.

Damn. All right, that didn't work.

We tried, we tried, everybody.

Yeah, that's called social engineering, everybody who didn't know.

Where'd the newspaper go?

Fan blew it away, oh shit

We got driver positions as well

In the vein of the panty dropper, which is fun

And we got a lot of

Yeah, we got a lot of schools here also

Keep in mind, oh here we go, miscellaneous instructions

Guitar instruction with a pro in your home

Or my studio, all levels

And we also have a certified

It'd be great to call and just yell

Yeah

Yeah, there you go

My needle guitar lesson

There you go, that'd be funny

certified teacher

$35

all subject and levels

a tutor

SAT prep

in home

guaranteed results

we also have a tutor

for first year college

physics or math

we should have

called that for Artie

he probably could have

used a

a tutor of that

sort

okay so what are we

doing here

you want to do that

guitar one

too late now

oh hey

the post office place

is out there too

I don't know

the post office place

from last week

I don't know

you don't know

okay

I don't know

Oh, that's where you got me at.

I don't know.

I have no idea.

That's what it was.

I have no idea.

That's what it was.

I had no idea.

All right.

Anyway, we'll be right back, folks.

Let's play the rest of that Hollywood call.

Navy and brown.

Do you have any men's knickers to go with those as well?

No.

Okay.

What about, I'm looking for one red sock.

Do you have any red socks in there at all?

No.

Okay.

Do you have any socks at all?

There are some.

There are socks?

Can you tell me all the colors that are in the socks?

Gray.

Gray, okay.

Gray and...

The multicolored ones?

Gray, navy, now the multicolored, and brown.

Gray, navy, now brown.

What color brown?

Dark brown, light brown, medium brown?

Dark brown and light brown.

Okay, do you have any underwear also?

I have, yes.

Yes, I have the briefs, white ones.

Okay, so they're briefs. Are they the boxer shorts, or are they just regular, are they like granddad panties?

No, I gave those to the Salvation Army.

Okay, were those, is there any way for me to get a hold of those, you think?

What?

The underwear. Do you have any extra underwear at all?

Yeah, I've got those briefs.

Okay, great. Now, also, do you have, are you getting rid of any panties or anything, or bras?

No, these are my husband's clothes, and he has just passed away.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I'm actually a cross-dresser.

Oh, I see.

And that's why I'm asking about the men's dresses and the knickers and panties and bra.

So, okay, well, how much do you want for the whole lot?

Because I'm really interested in the men's dress.

What do you mean, dress?

You said you had men's dresses. I'm really interested in that.

They're office pants, then.

Not dresses.

Oh, they're not dresses.

Do you have any men's dresses then?

No way.

No.

Oh, okay.

I'm so sorry.

Well, how much do you want for everything?

Well, I can't see that these are going to help you to be honest.

Why is that?

Well, I'm just a cross-dresser.

I also dress regular, normal for business.

Yeah, but I don't think you're aware of how many I've got.

Well, I mean, I've got plenty of money.

Would you take $1,000 for the whole thing?

Okay.

Yeah.

Great.

All right.

And do you take out-of-country checks?

No.

Okay.

Okay, do you take any country?

What about...

Only cash.

Traveler's checks.

Only cash.

Only cash?

Yes.

Okay, so if...

Okay, all right.

Well, I will try to offload these traveler's checks on somebody else,

and I will come there and give you a call back to get your address once I have the cash.

And if you would, please hold everything.

Don't sell anything, okay?

And I will give you a call back.

I should be able to have everything by this afternoon.

Okay.

Okay, so either that or I'll just knock some people off and grab their cash and just bring it to you.

Oh, don't, please don't do that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it.

I do it all the time, don't worry about it.

Well, you don't do that in Calgary.

Okay, and, okay, I'll call you back to get your address later, okay?

And what's your name?

Yvonne.

Yvonne, well, I should thank you for your time, Yvonne, and is it Y-V-O-N-E?

That's right, two A's.

All right, you have a wonderful day.

Yeah.

And I hope to see you very soon.

Right.

All right, bye-bye.

Bye.

Looking for somebody to teach.

This is the guitar one, actually.

Hello.

Yeah, hey, how's it going, Jackass?

Hey, I am definitely the guy you're looking for.

Hello.

He didn't take to that jackass very well.

Let's take a look here.

Let's see if we can call him back from a different spoof.

No, I'll call him back from the same one and say, hey, man.

I'm sorry.

Hey, you're not going to get hired.

All right, hang on.

Let me do that.

Oh, yeah, I ran out of phone card minutes.

I'll use mine.

I'll send you mine.

Well, no, I had yours.

I was using yours, and I had used like 20 minutes of it already,

and I said, let me stop using Hollywood's card.

No, you can use it.

I've been on there the day.

All right, cool, cool.

But I'll show you mine.

I'll show you mine.

Like, we'll just, like, you know, we can just...

If you show me mine, I'll show you yours.

Exactly, dude.

Let me see yours.

Show me your dinky.

Show me.

All right, let's do guitar instruction again with a pro in your home.

That's awesome.

With a prostitute in your home, folks.

Or in his studio.

All levels.

Awesome.

Yeah.

Why is the line like...

The call has been forwarded to an automatic...

Ah.

You have pressed an incorrect key.

No.

To disconnect, press 1.

If you wish to leave a message...

Do you want to leave a message?

Press 2.

Still want to leave a message?

Goodbye.

Okay, never mind.

I guess not.

That sucks.

Okay.

You know what I was going to tell him?

What was that?

I was going to say, look, I'm so sorry.

We ought to call and leave a message.

Say, look, I'm a singer in an Amanda Bynes band.

And, you know, or band...

What was I going to say?

Amanda Bynes band.

To place a call, press 1.

And I need to learn how to play the guitar because our guitars...

Passed out.

We are lovers now and we can't...

Yeah, it's a conflict of interest or something, yeah.

Okay, cool.

I'm going to spoof it as a different number, see if it'll pick up from the 305.

All right, hang on.

No, I'm going to play a prank, actually.

Let's see what's good here real quick.

Don't Call Me Your Mono.

Yeah, we've played that a lot.

You know, I listened to it over the weekend.

What's that?

Remember that Death Euro?

The Death Euro?

That Masterson was dying.

It was two different calls.

No, I don't remember.

We called that Death Euro play.

Oh, yeah, there was, like, Lamb in it.

That's hilarious.

And he was

He's allergic to lamb

What's it called

I know you're allergic to beef

Beef

Gyro of death I think

G-Y-R-O

Gyro

Of death

Let's see

I put in gyro

Or gyro

Or whatever

Yeah if my

If Athena's family

Heard me saying that

That's not that

Then it come up

Let me try death

Then I got a bunch of stuff

Under death

Hang on

Let me try madhouse death

It's gotta be one

Unless it's Jack maybe

It'd be based on

What you said is the

The tag for it

I know you always

Set up tags

Here it is

I found it

Found it

Look under...

It's called Carlito Haldivani Attack Gyro Death Sandwich.

Death Sand...

How come I don't have that one?

That's weird.

Hmm.

I try to download them all from the...

Yeah, I don't have it.

Do you get a link to the forum posting on it?

Yeah, I can find it.

Or if you could just link me the HTTP of the file, the MP3.

That's all I need.

Can we do it just directly to you?

Yeah, just copy-paste it to me.

I'll play it in a little bit here.

Yeah, I want to hear that.

That's a funny one.

There we go.

Is that it?

That was funny, man.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it was.

Hang on.

Let me see here.

I totally forgot about this.

So, you're working at the printing place now, right?

No.

No?

You're working somewhere else?

Is it safe to be on the phone as much as you are there?

Oh, yeah, man.

Really?

There's five people in the IT group.

Right.

I'm the only one here today.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Wow.

What's going on?

Everybody emailed this morning and said, we're working from home.

Oh, shoot.

That's cool, though.

You can work from home.

Awesome.

All right.

Well, I'm waiting for this to load up here.

In the meantime, let's play a little tune

And in a moment, we'll have another prank call

You wanna do the Tudor one now?

Oh no, we said we're gonna call him back on the 305

And it's been a little time, we've been bullshitting it

So I'm sorry, I'm a little out of it

So I need to get some coffee in me, is what it is

There's a comic book hero a long time ago

Called Too Much Coffee Man

Too Much Coffee Man?

That's awesome

Too Much Coffee Man, calling all jittery Tudor

The House of Tudor

Yes, hello, I'm calling for the guitar lesson, please

Do you teach the guitar lesson?

No, I tutor

Oh, yes, you tutor, tutor for the guitar, yes?

Not for the guitar

Oh, what do you tutor for?

Are you a beginner?

Yes, ma'am, I am a singer in an Amanda Bynes tribute band

And I just recently, the guitarist that we have

I recently have created a

I tutor mostly math.

I've done very little guitar.

Maybe you can help me, though.

Unless you're a brand-new guitar player, brand-new, never played, I can help.

I've never played guitar once in my life.

But like I said, I recently have started a relationship with a man in my band.

And it is conflict of interest, from what I'm telling.

and please, please, you must help me.

I must learn how to play Amanda Bynes songs

because the tribute band cannot break up today.

We are just starting to maybe get signed next month.

So I have to have somebody to help play the guitar.

So please, please, please teach me how to do this, okay?

When can I start?

There's somebody in the paper that specializes in guitar

that might be better.

Yes, I got your number from the paper.

I know, but I was advertising for math tutoring.

Well, maybe you can help me learn how to count up the scales.

Can you help me do this?

No.

Okay, please.

No, I'm not that good.

I'm not that good.

I just know basic chords.

Can you show me, like, fret things and stuff?

What to press?

Can you maybe how to read?

Yeah.

Can you do know how to read music?

Yeah, just to read.

Okay.

Just to practice chords.

Yes, yes.

You can help me.

No, like E, G, E minor.

E, G, E minor, yes.

Right?

You know E, G, D, F?

It was just a basic chord.

You know the line, the treble clef.

Remember, you know what, you remember B and then, what is it, F-A-C-E, right?

Yeah, that's reading music like for piano.

Right.

I used to play with myself in music class, so I understand.

Uh-huh.

Okay, so please, when can I come over?

I pay you, how much you want me to pay you?

I usually charge $35 an hour.

I give you $55, okay?

What kind of guitar do you have?

Right now I have a folk guitar, acoustic electric.

Yes, ma'am. It's a 12-string.

Okay.

And it has the new pickups.

It's got a new car.

I got a new car, and I got new pickups on my acoustic electric 12-string guitar.

Uh-huh.

Okay, and so can you...

And you play in a band?

Yes, ma'am.

I am the lead singer of the Amanda Bynes Tribute Band called Amanda Bynes Tribute Band.

Oh, okay.

Do you have music that we can practice with?

Oh, absolutely.

I have all of the tablature, but I can't read tablature.

Sure, you need to show me the numbers.

I don't know the numbers.

Does it have the chords on there?

Like, it shows a picture of the fret and where you put your fingers?

Oh, no, no, there's no need to fret.

No, no, I will be there today.

Is that okay?

No, I don't mean that.

I mean frets on the guitar.

Like, yes, no, no need to fret.

Do they show the chords on the music?

The chords, according to the music, I can play this, yes.

But does it show the guitar?

Yes, I have a guitar.

It's a 12-string acoustic.

No, on the music.

I want to learn how to play this music.

I know.

Does it just have the melody on the music sheet?

Oh, no, no, no.

The melody is the drummer.

Does it have the guitar chords on the music, or does it just have the music?

No, yes, I have guitar.

I tell you this many times.

Okay.

All right.

Well, you can come over, and I can help you as much as I can.

Wonderful.

Okay.

I will bring myself and my cock over with me, okay?

Your self and your what?

My cock.

I carry a rooster with me all the time.

What's that?

My lucky cock.

What's that?

It's a rooster.

In my country, it's very good to carry a cock around with you.

Uh-huh.

I think this is a big joke.

No.

No, I'm not joking.

I need to learn how to play guitar for Amanda Bynes' tribute band.

And I will be there.

Maybe give me one hour.

I must shower and not put on the deodorant.

Okay?

I'll see you soon.

Hello?

Yeah.

Okay, I love you, baby.

I'll come see you soon, okay?

I have to go to work.

Can I listen?

You have to go? Can I listen, please?

I have to go to work at...

Can I listen? Can I listen to you?

I have another job at 3 o'clock.

Oh, what do you do? What kind of job?

Is it like my blowjob? What do you do on the side?

What?

You do a blowjob on the side? I pay extra.

What?

A blowjob.

Hello? Maybe you could suck on my cock.

To place a call.

One.

What?

Blowjob.

That's good, man. Good deal. Excellent.

That lady. That lady's like, uh-huh. Okay.

You guess

I keep telling you

I have a guitar

She's like okay yeah

But does it have the picture

She doesn't even know

She probably like

She's probably done like

A few guitar classes

In her life

And she thinks she could

Do the same

Does it have the fret

No you don't

No need to fret

No no no

That's not what I mean

It could probably be

Who Amanda Bynes is

Yeah who is Amanda Bynes

Uh uh

Tuck is asking

If you could report

Amanda Bynes

I know the name

I think Disney

Or something like that

Then she came out

With like the Amanda show

When she was younger

Now she's actually

Really hot man

Oh okay

B-Y-N-E-S

Amanda Bynes

But she had a

CD out I think

I don't know who it is

That was

I couldn't think of

Anybody else

I know there's like

Other ones that have them out

Okay

Yeah very bankable

Cool

She just said I'm like

A Paris Hilton

Tribute band or something

Paris Hilton tribute band

Yeah right

That's funny

Spice Girls tribute band

I'm sure it does exist

Alright dude

Well hey thanks for calling in man

Alright man

Don't work too hard

Alright bro

See you later man

Bye

Wait, wait, wait, Hollywood, don't go

No, oh no

The website, dude, what the fuck

Hollywood's website, hang on

It's on my phone

Let me get here, I'll tell everybody where to go

I have it here, it's an email

He sent me an email

I believe

It's Hollywood Vanya

I told him to do Hollywood pranks

Because that's a lot easier than

Hollywood Vanya pranks

Hollywood V-A-N-J-A

pranks.com I believe is what it is

and for some reason my stupid

ass phone won't go to my email now

Hollywood Pranks is obviously taken

no it wasn't actually

I don't know I told them I told them I looked

it up and it wasn't taken I said hey

Hollywood Pranks is

wow okay he linked it it's

Hollywood Vanya V-A-N-J

V-A-N-J-A pranks.com

Hollywood Vanya Pranks

and it says it's not complete at all I haven't seen it yet

I just got the email this morning

I'm going to open that in here in the background

ground. HollywoodVaniaPranks.com

We'll take a look at that.

Work in progress, apparently, so be tuned.

In the meantime, I'm going to play

one of these pranks here that Hollywood

brought up from quite a while ago.

I'm not sure exactly when. I'll check the date here

in a second, but

I remember Jack Masterson ends up

dying on the phone or something like this.

Something of this nature, and it's pretty funny. You guys are going to enjoy it.

Here we go. Just a moment, folks.

Just a moment.

Dying equals funny.

Just a moment.

You know a woman in Manager?

Hi, this is Louise.

Louise?

Yeah.

My name is Chris.

I brought myself, my cousin's nephew's wife in there, and also my cousin as well.

And I don't know what you guys are trying to pull, but are you guys selling beef in there?

My cousin is deathly allergic to beef, and after having your sandwich, he is in the hospital right now.

I want to know right now, are you guys selling beef or not?

Yeah, it's a beef and lamb combination.

It says on the thing that the gyro meat is beef and lamb.

Where do you get off selling beef when a gyro has nothing to do with beef?

It is not supposed to be lamb.

That's how they make it.

It's a beef and lamb combination.

Okay, well, they should have told that to us when we came up there.

They should have known that he was allergic to beef.

Now he's in the hospital, he could possibly die.

Are you happy about that?

Well, of course I'm not happy about that,

but it says on our menu that gyro meat is a beef and lamb combination.

We told them ahead of time that he was allergic to beef,

and they gave it to him anyway.

Anyway, we told them strictly just lamb, and they gave him the lamb with meat.

No, don't make excuses.

Don't make excuses.

Listen, this is serious.

I don't know who took your order.

I know.

But, like, I don't know who.

It was some girl.

She was blonde.

But, ma'am, we're going to need to get you guys to come to the hospital and see him.

My cousin, I think, is on his deathbed.

Because we told you guys that is the case.

We need somebody to come up here, hopefully you being the manager or possibly the owner,

to come up here and stay by his side tonight.

Plan tonight, Louise?

Louise, do you have any plans?

I'm here working right now.

Great.

Well, you're going to be up here by his side.

We're calling the Albalal restaurant in England.

You get off, right?

We'll see what we can if I get done with work.

Great.

Well, we'll see what time you get off.

Well, I'm just doing a catering right now.

Okay.

Well, what time do you get done with that?

Around 10.30.

You're making excuses now, aren't you?

No.

When is the owner coming in?

When is the owner going to be there?

You are the owner.

Your call is being transferred.

This call may be recorded for quality purposes in accordance with our privacy policy.

We are moving forward with your call.

To ensure the quality of our service, this call can be registered according to our policy on private life.

What the hell is this?

You have reached the call.

You pay calling cards. I may help you. Christine speaking. Bonjour.

Bonjour. How are you?

Good, you?

Who is this?

It's Bill Carter. Can I help you?

I'm trying to speak to the Albeira restaurant, and I'm speaking to you. What is this?

Because your call did not go through, you chose Cantonese as your language of choice, and you didn't put in your card number.

I speak Cantonese.

Okay. What's your card number, then?

I don't give that out to people. Have you intercepted this call? I think you have intercepted this call.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

You defaulted to me, sir.

Where are you from? Are you in France?

In Ottawa. We support the card you're using.

Yes.

You're having problems with the card?

You have intercepted my call. I do not agree with you.

intercepting my call machine i immediately ask you to destroy all copies and terminate this call

immediately thank you all right cool just thought i'd be rude to the phone card lady all right let's

try that again we're going to call the albalal let's play more of hollywood and the zero of death

you're the manager and the owner okay i need you to come up here at least tell him before he dies

like well because i need to find out who was not saying that because that's not the case okay well

no we told him ahead of time he was not supposed to have any beef and they put beef apparently

apparently, in his sandwich.

Now, it was...

You told me zero meat is one kind of meat,

so, like, yeah, they should know that it's not a...

Right, so, here's the deal.

It was a blonde girl taking our order.

That's what we told her.

You know who I'm talking about?

I don't yet.

Like, I don't have one blonde person here right now,

but I will try to find out who could have been here.

All of the people have brown hair here,

and I don't have a blonde employee,

but, like, I will...

Yeah, I don't have...

You need to find out who it was.

Oh, I do.

But she knows that.

I was at 60 left here at 3.30.

I'd like to have her come up here and stand by us tonight, too.

Okay, we got bad news, bad news, bad news, bad news.

Apparently that international card that we got from Kokanee, it's out of minutes.

It said it's reporting it has only three cents available,

so I didn't know we used so much of it already.

Holy crap.

Maybe it doesn't have good minutes to the UK.

Okay, maybe we should look into one with a better rate to the United Kingdom.

We're going to have to do something here because UK pranks are a big part of the show

and they've been rather lacking lately because Milkman lost his source of good phone cards.

The customer service rub job I see here is for a gas and electric company.

I'm going to give that a call right now.

Everybody, we're going to get a job with gas.

I'm excited about that.

One moment.

Okay, okay.

Well, between 431, my lunch was.

It was because we only have a blonde person that works during the daytime.

Okay, great.

So I'll be expecting you guys up here at the hospital.

You're Louise, right?

What's her name?

Yeah.

What is the blonde girl's name?

Huh?

Vicki.

Her name's Vicki.

I'm expecting to see a Vicki and Louise up here, room 227.

Thank you very much.

This is not going to work.

I'm tired of doing prank calls.

I've got to go.

I've got stuff to do.

Everybody, thank you very much for listening.

Of course, thank you, Tuck, also for being here.

Tuckermike.com is your website.

Thank you to everybody on SyndicateRadio.tv that watches us live,

as well as everybody on our main vein, the MadhouseLive.com stream machine studio.

I want to thank everybody, Hollywood for calling in as well, Hollywood,

and Nunu for sending in numbers as well for us to call.

We appreciate that much.

Thank you, Tuck.

Have a good week.

Talk to you on Thursday, sir, and everyone else for that matter.

We'll be here again on Thursday, Thursday, Thursday.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you fucking penis dick!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (17, 48 min of 1 h 33 min)

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