2008-12-11 Show

So what's going down?

I think I'll be down there in a few.

Can you put some of them hot dogs aside for me?

Yeah, I can do that.

Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

So, yes, I can do that for you.

Am I making you uneasy at all?

No, not really.

That kind of makes me a little riled up talking about that that way.

Who the fuck is this?

Fuck, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Hello, ladies.

What's going on, everybody?

This is Carlito and the Madhouse Radio Network Station of People.

Agglomeration of all that is here on the left and the right.

You know, I was spending a lot of time here rewiring stuff.

That's the reason why I'm a little late.

And now I think there's something to the point where if I touch it with my foot,

we'll lose the audio like on the right side.

I don't know if you guys can hear like a non-mono moment when that happens.

Something is loose.

there we go maybe that'll fix it let me know if you hear anything weird in the background please

much appreciated thank you you're gonna reach us here tonight you can uh madhouse radio is usually

on until about one o'clock in the morning every thursday night as well as on monday mornings now

son of a bitch did you know girl do have you gotten a job yet from all the monday fart faxes

you've been sending out blitzk assay that's a good good good question my good man let me let

Let me change my transition over here real quick.

I'm going to let you know that Tuck isn't here, nor is Milkman.

It's just Baz in the house.

What's up, Baz?

How you doing?

Holding down the fort.

Awesome.

So, everybody, that's Carlito all by himself here tonight.

Thank you, everybody, for listening.

Carlito the man.

Carlito can do it on his own.

Don't worry.

Reclude's going to be checking in tonight as well.

The Reclude man himself is going to be checking in.

I got a prank call on deck also.

I got a hot shit in the chamber, as they say in some places.

Looking forward to that here in a moment.

Also, coming up, a lot of prank calls as always.

A lot of topics to talk about.

A lot of news.

I wanted to play real quickly here.

This is a prank call.

Not necessarily a prank call, but this is all you fans of Dr. Nargis.

I don't know if you know who I'm talking about.

We've had Dr. Nargis on the air many times.

He's a physician.

He's a licensed male nurse also sometimes apparently.

I don't know.

He's a whole mix of things.

but regardless here um if we're going to take a listen to this is a message that he left

oh geez god when was it uh monday anyway so i'm voicing uh dr nargis and there's a this is job

in the paper and it's for um physicians visiting physicians okay so basically what it is is if

you're a doctor uh they'll pay to set you up in a in a sweet job and some really they'll give you

like a nice house and stuff like that you're like an on-call doctor or something like that

you just got to have a little bit of experience it's like a beginning job for doctors but they

hook you up or something like that i i caught wind of this a while ago and i uh finally set

about going through the monday the sunday paper on a regular basis here you guys can catch that

on monday mornings uh but when i do that uh we go i go through the sunday paper find all the uh

interesting looking job ads you know the wanted ads and uh i come across this one here dr nargas

needs to apply for a job to be a doctor.

He's in Miami.

We've had a few calls with him in the past.

He's a very popular character we did here.

So that's queuing up right now.

But anyway, in the meantime, I also have ready,

we got a call back.

So we're going to try to call this guy back here tonight.

Just take a listen to this here first

and you'll see what we're talking about.

You've reached Joe of Visiting Physicians.

I'm sorry, I can't come to the phone right now.

Yes, hello.

This is Dr. Fruhencio Nargas

And I am interested in the physician wanted advertisement that I see in the newspaper in Orlando.

I am able to travel.

I have one house in Jacksonville.

If this is in Jacksonville, this will make out very good.

I have experience in Miami and Fort Lauderdale and in the City of Sinai Hospital.

If you can call me back, please, at 305.

That is 305.

Thank you.

To send your message with urgent delivery, press 2.

Thank you. Your message has been sent.

All right, there you go.

So we even sent it with urgent priority.

Urgent, urgent priority.

Anyway, so he called back last night at 8.31 p.m.

So let's listen to this message here that he left.

I'll make sure I'll take out the phone number when he leaves it.

Man, any second now.

Fucking planes.

Yes, sir.

My name is Joe Lanham with Visiting Physicians,

and you had responded to an ad in the Orlando newspaper

concerning an opportunity we were advertising.

That opportunity, sir, is in Jacksonville, Florida.

you mentioned that you own a home there so this might work out if you care to call me at your

convenience my number is 618-615-3 all right so there you get the idea i think the number got out

if it did who cares um i'm looking for a milkman actually let's give milkman a call here let's play

some music but we're going to give that guy a call i got his number here on the id so it should

be straight when it comes to that kind of thing god that thing is loud today turn that volume

him down on that phone jesus christ uh let's see what is milkman's real name everybody there it is

and i took too long to dial it motherfucker milkman has the i don't know what if anybody

can identify what song this is that milkman has on his stupid uh stupid call-in number here his

cell phone i hate people that do that man i really hate they got their own music that you

got to listen to when you call them actually look at that not even doing it or go complaining about

out and we lost it all of a sudden. Holy shit.

Hey, man. Hey, what's up, man?

Nothing. Where are you? Huh?

Where are you? You don't answer your phones

or messages? Well, I try.

I've been busy. Where are you at? Tell us a story.

Where are you at? I'm in

El Segundo now, and I'm getting

ready to head towards Orange

County. I got a meeting tonight.

A meeting for what? The representatives

from our newest

rational scooter model.

So are you going to be on the show tonight, or

what's going on? Are you busy? I'm not going to

be able to make the show but i can do uh i'm gonna do a mobile segment with you when we're doing this

now yeah oh we're not in the area though oh okay how you been i've been all right man i've just

been working my ass off dude yeah hey did you hear about tuck did you hear about tuck he got uh

he got a summons in the mail yeah and then they came to deliver to police officers came in person

to deliver it to him today he might have been growing so he might have been growing some stuff

stuff in the mix

like with all that

cotton

he had like one

he had two rows of

cotton and one row

of um

you know

damn

yeah

really

yeah this black

black helicopter

landed

whatchamacallit

black helicopter

landed in the

middle of the field

and they burnt

half the field

down and they

told them you

better forget it

happened and they

punched him in the

gut and they

flew away

oh man

better make room

for my fist

yeah make room

for my fist

alright yo

no sir

we're on the air

white helicopter

came

Tuck's late

Milkman is on

the phone but he's

not going to be

able to join us i'm carlito as i said before i'm sorry i did call guys and tried to take an

advance i have i got a meeting tonight um got an out-of-town guest here and new listener to the

show mr stokes hey stokes how you doing there stokesy careful with that milkman he doesn't

wash the part between his legs and his balls that well yeah well that happened i'll just hold

your breath when he sits up and sits down you know in the seat that's close to you you know

If you're sitting right next to him when he's standing up or sitting down,

you might want to hold your breath for like maybe 15 seconds, just saying.

You made up, Wynn?

Yeah.

That's why he wears a cover so that shit's tucked in there, you know?

Yeah.

Milkman, what kind of phone are we on here?

What is this contraption?

It sounds very bad.

Oh, we're in the...

Now, your reception sucks, Larry.

Yeah, we're in the mobile right now, dude.

Oh, really?

It sounds like you're talking through car speakers or something like that.

You have like some stupid OnStar thing?

Huh?

You have some stupid OnStar kind of thing?

What's going on?

Yeah, it's an OnStar kind of thing.

And I'm getting a signal right now saying that I'll be careful.

AT&T security is about to tune into this line.

Man, I'm tired.

I don't even know about doing a show.

Man, my eyes are on fire, dude.

I've worked 100 hours last week, and for the end of this week, it'll be another 100 hours.

Yeah, I just finished my last final.

I'm done for the semester.

It was very tiring.

Finally done filing?

Very tiring, yes.

I was working full-time, man.

We're going to school full-time, bro.

and making time for the Madhouse show.

I'm behind on the podcast as a result.

I am one week behind.

I'm sorry.

I will catch it up over the weekend.

Do not worry, podcast listeners.

More is coming out.

I've been letting them down

because I had people hooked on the podcast.

And I think if I were to check...

Are Hollywood out there with them still?

You've been doing a great job.

Yeah, Hollywood's Johnny on the spot with the pranks.

As long as I send out the archive of the show the next day

like I'm supposed to.

If I forget, that's a problem.

Hey, man, let's do a prank call, all right?

All right.

All right, I got some numbers here.

I got the Mecca restaurant.

Hey, look, I've got the Mecca restaurant here, Milkman.

We need to call that, okay?

Oh, awesome, dude.

Mecca-lick-a-hi and Mecca-honey-ho.

Oh, hell yeah, man.

Oh, yeah, we'll be right back with that.

Yo, quiet, silence over there now, come on.

We're doing a show here.

Here, Milkman, put yourself on mute if you can't behave.

Hello there.

I called there earlier, and this gentleman put me on mute, supposedly,

and he went into the background, and I could hear him talking snide comments about me.

Explain yourself.

What is your name?

Is this Moe?

I'm Kevin.

What's your name, partner?

Partner?

Partner, sir.

I'm not your partner.

Don't, what did you call me?

What did you call me, a partner?

So how unappropriate of you, sir, to just assume that I'm your partner,

I'm your pal, I'm your bro, right off the bat.

Who's in charge over there?

Who's the head immigrant in charge right now?

That would be me.

How can I help you?

What is your name again, please?

You said Kevin?

I said, name is Kevin.

How can I help you?

Okay.

Do you have caller ID on your phone?

I do not.

Oh, for God's sake.

So how...

You know, sir, I don't appreciate the fact that these people started pushing this lamb

stuff on me.

I asked them several times.

They don't eat lamb.

I don't like it.

Oh, take it.

Take it.

It's good.

It made me very sick, sir.

What are you talking about?

When did this occur?

Help me out here.

this happened on monday evening i've been sick i actually spent i spent some time in the hospital

and everything i had to get i had to get a hangnail removed and everything no they wouldn't

release me until it got taken out they threatened to check my thyroids and everything i need to

speak to whoever it is i need to speak to either get a check cut or so i can keep this quiet or

i'm going to go ahead and go to the news solvers and talk to bob morton and i'm his personal friend

of bob morton on the tv and i will get the news solvers down there they will put you on camera

All right, as I said before, can we start this out?

What's your name?

My name is Jack Valente.

Okay, Jack Valente.

You can just call me Mr.

I will prefer Mr. Valente, please.

Okay, Mr. Valente.

I drive a Dodge Stratus.

You were here Monday evening.

That's right.

What lamb dish did you have?

I don't know, sir.

I told you many times that I refused the lamb dish,

and they kept pushing it on me and pushing it on me,

and I said, no, I want that.

We didn't have any lamb on the menu.

I want, I want, I want, I want, I wanted pork.

Why do you keep, no, I wanted pork.

I said specifically, I want some bacon burger.

Okay, so you told me you're sick on lamb.

We didn't serve lamb.

Well, someone snuck the lamb in because.

Mr. Valente, if you like or unhappy, you can have my insurance company's number.

You can take it up with them.

But I really don't think you can get anywhere because we didn't serve any lamb.

I had, I had my stool sample taken and they confirmed that there was contents of lamb.

Where did you go to the hospital?

Where in the hospital?

In the emergency room.

What hospital did you go to?

In the emergency room, sir.

I went to the hospital in the emergency room.

I don't understand why I wasn't...

I don't need to get my...

You can fax me the paperwork.

Sir, what is your social security number, please?

I need to write this down.

Yeah, okay.

You can fax me your hospital bill,

and then with a phone number...

Do you have papers?

Where are your papers, sir?

Goodbye.

Where are your papers?

I'm going to call him back,

ask him specifically for his fucking papers, everybody.

Hey, Milkman.

Milkman!

Can you hear me now?

I had it on mute.

Yeah, what do you think about that?

We'll call him back.

In that case, would you like a text or something, partner?

On the set.

What's up, club? Can I help you?

I command you to give me your tax ID information.

It is a federal law that you're supposed to do it.

He won't cooperate.

He's not going to cooperate.

He's not going to cooperate because he knows what they did.

They know exactly what they did over there, sir.

I know you're listening right now.

Now, I have it confirmed here.

He was listening the whole time.

All right, so here's what else we got.

Milkman.

I've got Freddy's Motel.

We've got Lil's Performing Chimps.

Wayne's World Tavern.

What?

Lil's Performing Chimps.

The fuck is that?

I've been playing it for a while, man.

I had to take a double ticket.

I have no idea.

I want to know more.

I didn't realize I said that until it took me a second.

The left side of my brain

Talked to my right side of the brain

And said hey faggot

You just said Lil's performing chimps

Alright let's give them a call

I heard Lego's starring in that show too

Is that true?

What's that?

I just got a PM here

That somebody said Lego's gonna be in that show

Oh probably most likely

Yeah definitely his whole family

His kids and all that

Hell yeah those are all monkeys

Alright cool thank you for

Thank you for pissing off the guy who funds our show

Now we're gonna get cancelled everybody

everybody. Dr. Leggo.

Yeah, man. It's on my phone.

It's on my P.M.

Go meet yourself.

We're going to get bubbled.

It's awkward.

We're going to have to try it right now.

Here's the deal.

This is rock music.

Hello.

This is the Monkey Place.

Yeah, who are you looking for?

I'm looking for whoever's in charge of the chimpanzees.

I'm looking for a performance.

What kind of performance are you looking for?

Oh, whatever. What do you offer?

I mean, we do a whole range.

We're just looking to entertain some people.

Do they do juggling, or what do they do?

No, movie and TV work, mainly.

TV work and movies?

That's what they do.

Have you heard of Rotisserie Wallace?

He plays for the New England Patriots.

I think I heard a name.

I'm not much of a sports follower, unfortunately, but I'm not.

Rotisserie Wallace, he's a third-string quarterback for the New England Patriots.

What he's doing, he's going to be here.

He's coming to town on the off week in two weeks,

and he wants to shoot a special video,

and we're thinking about getting some chimpanzees in the mix.

He's got Busty.

You're a production company.

Well, I don't know if you want to write down here.

I can fax you the information, but I'm sure you need the name of my, what's that?

Yeah, company.

Hold on one second.

I'm in my truck.

Let me stop.

You better pull over, buddy.

You better pull over.

Yeah.

You know, don't take a chance because, you know, the other day I saw this woman

and she was doing the same thing and she almost went into the pylons over the river.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I wasn't about to jump in the water.

I don't care, gentleman or what, bull crap.

Bullshit.

Women don't know how to drive.

Yeah, let me take your, let me get your info and then I will get back with you.

I'm in between jobs right at the moment.

I'm going, still shooting.

So I'll take your info and then I'll call you back tomorrow.

All right, well, I'll tell you what, this is Bruce Wellington.

Okay, B-R-U-E-L-L-I-N-G-T-O-N.

Right, that's right.

I'm Bruce Wellington.

I'm a producer and I also have a cameo in the movie itself.

The name of the project is going to be Busty Ebony Babes 4.

Okay, Busty Ebony Babes 4.

Now, do the chimpanzees, do they wear diapers?

I mean, what kind of monkey machines are these?

Well, they can.

They're chimpanzees, and they can wear diapers that wear clothes.

You know, this thing is...

Because we're probably diaper-free, I think, would be best.

Do they take off their own diapers?

No.

I mean, I don't know what you're looking for.

Is this like kind of sexual type of movie?

Well, there's no incestuous stuff, and nothing illegal, and nothing immoral.

But, you know, because what Mr. Wallace wants to do,

he's a big fan of, like, the nature programs,

And sometimes they do have animals who copulate

So he was thinking about having that in the background

While he's hanging out with the

Busty Ebony women

Okay

We're shooting it in a fashion

It's actually

We kind of would rather not

I mean if we're entering this long term agreement

I understand you're already on board of course

We're going to spare no expense

But we're trying to keep it on the down low

Because what we're eventually going to do

Is it's going to be quote unquote stolen out of his house

And

and it's just to get a garnish.

So, I mean, but seriously, though,

these are, I'll show you, chimpanzees, orangutans, or what, actually.

They're chimpanzees, yeah.

They're the ones that have the...

There's no orangutans left in here.

Well, there's a few.

There's no orangutans in the business.

They have one at Disney World, I saw,

but so they can take off their own diapers?

Yeah, they can take off their diapers and stuff.

That would be great, wouldn't it?

Yeah, they can do that.

Is it a male and a female?

Actually, they're males.

Well, it depends.

Depends. I mean, it depends on what, how many you want and what we, you know, we have, we have males and females.

Can we put a wig on one of the males?

Yeah, they can wear a wig.

Do they, like, will they, I mean, are they going to attack the wig like it's, you know?

No, I mean, they're trained.

Oh.

You know, they're trained.

Yeah.

So, unless, you know, I mean, they can goof off, they can goof with it, you know.

No, well, we just actually want to film them having sex together. That's the problem.

I mean, do they, will they go for it at all? I mean, if it's two dudes and stuff, I mean, it's not, not really going to work.

I mean, it would be simulated.

Yeah, two dudes wouldn't work out.

Let me, let me...

Do they masturbate in the corner?

Let me see what's around.

No, they don't.

What if they masturbate in the corner and throw their shit?

Yeah, I think we got something right there.

Ratusia Wallace is a black man.

Yeah, that's in the zoo.

Yeah, because he's going to come and say,

Oh, look at here.

My mommy and my papi are going to be standing there in the corner watching us.

And there'll be two chimpanzees jerking off.

Nah, you can't have that.

All right, well, hey, you let me know if you want to work seriously.

So you got my phone number there

On your ID I hope

No I don't have the phone number yet

Give me your phone number

407

459

407

459

4534

453

Okay

I got it written down

Let the chimpanzees know

And we'll

Let me know

Call back please sir

Alright thank you

Bye

I'll call you

Fucking asshole

Shut the fuck up

Fucking prick

Why didn't he get mad

I hate it when they're just nice like that

I'm trying to

I'm talking about

Chimpanzees jerking off in the corner

or throwing their shit.

Great video to me.

Why would we be

in such a nice mood?

I want to see that video.

That's nasty, dude.

Why do you want to see

chimpanzees jerking off?

That's probably what

they would do, though.

Yeah.

Quack show lover.

Quackmaster with the

homage there to

oh, fucking

Clerks 2

asked for Kinky Kelly.

Kinky Kelly

and the sexy stud.

And I'm the sexy stud.

Hey, man.

I forgot about you.

I keep doing that lately.

I think I have something

wrong with my brain banana.

Don't choose your wallet,

man.

Anyway, so performing chimpanzees.

I probably should have stretched it and found out what kind of acts they actually do.

But there you go.

Hollywood says we could have always gone the gay bestiality porn route.

That's true.

They do.

There's two types of chimps, though.

Yeah, Aya's saying it's the economy.

He was desperate for any business.

We lost Milkman.

That's not good.

We lost Milkman.

He's a dead dial tone over there.

The call is now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network.

You will be prosecuted to other law.

I think that's what's happening.

What do you keep hanging up for?

I was just sitting here and it went,

I think we're getting a DTT hack or an ATT.

Oh, hell no.

Or an ATT, yeah.

It's either DTT or ATT.

Someone's hacking into us.

Hey, man, come on, more prank calls.

Who cares about this talk?

I don't care about you.

You don't care about me.

We don't ever talk on a private time.

We're just, we're like Jay Leno and the black guy that plays the guitar in his show.

You know, they act like friends on the set, but they probably never talk to each other.

What's that guy's name?

Who's that?

He's always laughing, always smiling.

What's going on, man?

What, is this you?

Hey, man, what's up?

What's up?

I don't know.

I was kind of wondering what you were going to do with all them chips and shit.

I don't know, dude.

Just the whole throwing shit and jerking off in the corner.

What's wrong with that?

That's, come on.

Come on, dad.

Even if it's a straight lane, he's at Charlie Church and he'd watch it.

It's combing their hair or something, that guy.

Aya gets a gold star for guessing right.

Kevin Eubanks.

That's right.

Kevin Eubanks of the Tonight Show band.

Good deal.

I think Aya was cool.

I don't know.

Let's take a look at Syndicate.

Anybody catch it?

Is anyone paying attention tonight at Syndicate?

They usually don't pay attention to me.

They're like, oh, just do pranks, man.

Shut up, man.

Don't do shit.

No.

They're waiting for Zerlar tomorrow night.

Hey, Milkman, Reckler wants to call in,

and I'm thinking about mailing a show in tonight,

as in letting someone take over.

All right.

All right, man.

Are you going to call in?

Do you want me to call you later, or when does your meeting start?

Yeah, go ahead and call me in a little bit, because we're on our way to Orange County now.

All right, cool, cool.

I think, actually, I want to give that gold star to TSS Taylor.

I think it looks like TSS Taylor checked in first.

Sorry, Aya, you did not get that, but you do win a consolation prize.

Zola, tomorrow, we'll give you the set of Ginsu knives and all that shit.

All right, buddy, Milkman.

We'll make some Ginsu knives.

I was kind of curious about that.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, I heard they're actually not as good as they say they are.

Those Ginsu knives or whatever they sell on TV, they break apart real easy.

They're antiques or something, ain't they?

Yeah, I don't know.

All right, guys, be careful there.

Behave yourselves, all right?

Talk to you later, man.

All right, milkers.

Get your milk right off.

All right, bye.

Hermonito.

Yeah, Hermonito.

He takes a lot, man.

Yeah, man.

Okay, that's Milkman and his boyfriend over there.

I didn't know if you knew, but Milkman coming out of the closet.

Unfortunately, too late.

He's in California.

for him in california new age for change it's a beautiful thing it's a beautiful thing all right

cool so uh let's let's talk about some pranks huh yes we can that's right yes we did and yes they

are uh news articles man i want to talk about uh less than two miles from my house i don't know if

anybody out there has been following the the kaylee anthony disappearance the little girl and

And Casey Anthony is the mom and the grandmother and the dad.

They live about two, three miles away from my house.

They found the little girl finally tonight.

It was horrible.

It was very sad.

They found her.

The crazy thing is what happened is there was a water company,

one of the utility guys who works for the water company.

He was out reading meters.

And he had to go take a leak, so he went into the woods,

and he took a leak, and he saw this garbage bag in there,

and he picked up the garbage bag

and a little girl's skull rolled out of it.

And I was like, oh, are you kidding me?

It was so, you know,

he kind of had hope that they'd find

that poor little girl eventually, but, you know.

Horrible stuff.

But apparently they caught, you know,

they didn't catch, but, you know,

they presume it's the mom and this and that.

It's just been this whole contrived story.

And fairy dust pink says I knew her mother killed her.

Yeah, you know, it's just kind of,

I really think what happened,

to me, I think it was just an accident.

I think maybe the little baby,

the cute little girl,

she probably died in an accident

she tried to cover it up or something

I'm not going to get into the semantic

it's a crazy story

anybody out there just google Casey Anthony

and you'll see what I'm talking about

I think her name is Casey Anthony

that's the one

that was the story

more news about

the Obama campaign at NASA

apparently there's some trouble right now

I'm kind of concerned

I live in Florida, I live in Orlando

as a matter of fact, Central Florida

and uh center florida we rely a lot on the space industry you got to remember we're right next to

the space coast the coco beach cape kennedy cape canaveral uh you know area and a lot of people

here and a lot of the jobs that we have here stem from the space industry out there um apparently

uh barack obama's transition team is having trouble with uh nasa administrator mike griffin

and uh it's not looking like uh they had a plan to retire to shuttles in 2010 there's no way

past that now, they have no choice

they have to retire the shuttle fleet

in less than two years

and

they've been

planning this constellation program

with the new rocket, the Ares 1

to get us to the moon again

by 2020,

apparently it's not

looking like that's going to go as planned they're having a lot of trouble getting along apparently

there's a there was an open argument between a between a key obama staffer and the administrator

griffin at some type of event they're actually arguing in public about you know how they're not

communicating correctly about the space program and all that i mean i'm all for you know the

I think we should be on the moon, but I don't know.

Sometimes you've got to think of it as a really...

I was a big fan, you know, when you were a little kid.

You know, you loved the space program and everything all about.

And you followed all that shit, you know, the shuttles and the moon landing stuff and all that.

But, you know, it's a different age, different time.

We should have been to Mars by now.

Yeah, yeah.

So, Manaconda says Obama wants to grow weed on the moon.

I bet you that'd be some awesome weed.

Moon dust, I'd call it.

I call it that, moon dust.

and you sell it for more than it's worth

more than it's worth

weight in gold you'd sell it man

we'll eventually have to get out into space

and start colonizing

we should be on the moon

there ain't going to be much resources

I was told

we should have a base on the moon

and then should be having

working on missions to Mars

right now

I would like to retire on the moon because it would probably be good on the ankles

decrease gravity

I'd like to retire get a house on the moon

nice little villa over there

and I don't know

eat hydroponic food

and drink my own

you know

recycled piss urine

and sweat

awesome

I'm looking forward to it

hell yeah

living on the moon

I'd probably be really dreary

and dead

it's got to be really dark

and you look outside

you don't see any green

it's like it's constantly

like the dead of winter

or something

it's

you know

you get depressed after a while

it's so dark

and there's nothing

just feel a big old casino

out there

fuck yeah

casino on the moon

can you imagine that'd be awesome that'd be the raunchiest place all right so we got more numbers

here to call ladies we got kenneth king kenneth king is in yorkshire england michelle williams

that was from last week see here i go again fucking it up all right here we go from the top

mario's pizza dirty dave saloon red man lodge billy bob's hamburgers get your banana checked

picked out there brother yep i know and remain my brain banana the electric yellows got me by

the brain banana tonight also we got the hip-hop club and wayne's world tavern that we talked about

earlier freddy's motel as well and uh rounding things out two new uh submissions here from

lonesome loser the man himself the dark hitman a prank call confirmation wild weasel bar and

grill as well as uncle vinny's pizza now reclude's going to be calling in rec call and i just sent

in the message right now um i'm gonna let him kind of run things here hopefully we'll see if he's up

for it i want i like i said i just i'm happy i'm here i'm doing good i had one okay prank call at

the beginning of the show and for now we're just gonna see what reclu can do i don't know if you

guys don't like it i'm sorry man he said he's a good enough prank caller he'll be checking in

momentarily let me find another prank call that we can we can do oh he says he's busy

no syndicate doesn't bitch syndicate just they love they love me baby i love syndicate

syndicate syndicate loves you talk you know be nice to say they love you they just don't give a

shit right no they actually pay attention i'm kidding that's you know when the show sucks

they're not going to be talking about look at you know look at this look at that they're going to

be talking about the other stuff over there so what happened to bubba dude don't seriously tell

me what happened with bubba the love sponge because fucking guy again every year this happens

the whole contract thing is like yeah wasn't he was supposed to be off but he's been on all week

week, I thought. What's the deal?

How I've been understanding it is

he has until

the 1st of January.

Okay. Alright, cool.

You know what's going

on.

And they're not giving

a deal to him

yet. Sirius isn't giving him a deal

to him yet. And he

seriously believes he's

going to get fucked over. And he's been

publicly on the air

airing it out on

about what's going on.

Really? Well, dude, I don't know.

He really feels he's been getting

sucked by them. Listen, I've been too

busy with finals. It's my busiest week

of my, one of my two busiest days

of the year. Busiest

weeks of the year, rather. Um, fuck.

Hang on. Reclude!

Hey, man, you're gonna have to get, can you, oh, shit.

Let me message you when you can call again, because I forgot

to forward the toll-free line

to the right number, man. Alright, hang on.

Alright, I'll let you know when it's good. Sorry,

Sorry, man.

All right, Reckless is going to call.

I got to set the forward correctly here.

It's not forwarding to the studio line.

It's forwarding to my cell phone.

That's not going to work.

Cell phone doesn't connect to the computer machine.

Tuck, did you know that?

I did.

Reckless is like, fuck.

I keep dialing.

It's busy.

The fuck now?

He's going back to Los Angeles, he was telling me.

All right, there we go.

It's sending settings to network.

The network, that is.

That's done.

Okay, good, Reckless.

Reckless will call now.

Yeah, so, yeah, I'm a fan of Bubba's.

I haven't been able to listen to him for the last two or three weeks

because I've just been so fucking busy, but, you know, I plan to listen now.

I was like, oh, man, I missed his last show.

There we go.

I finally got it working.

Hey, man.

Hey, what's up, man?

Dude, now I got you, bro.

What's going on?

What's good?

Oh, man, dude.

Things are going pretty well, dude.

I'm going back to L.A. Monday.

Yeah?

Yeah, dude.

It's going to be fucking sweet, man.

Awesome.

DJ Girl wants me, they're going on the radio and shit, there's going to be like this industry

party with, there's like this big ass radio station she works for out there, Kiss FM.

Okay.

So it's fucking nuts, dude, things are going nuts, I can't believe I'm going back there

already.

How long are you going to be up there for this time?

Like a week, another week.

Okay, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, awesome, man.

It's going to be quick, like you said, the next time they're going to start like flying

me out.

That's cool.

I just have some frequent flyer miles, but they're paying for everything else.

That's like your hotel and your food, and they give you a per diem and all that shit, or just...

Well, no, she's just taking care of me.

Oh, okay.

All right, that's cool.

Awesome.

Awesome, man.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, you want to do some pranks?

Fuck yeah, that's what we came here tonight to do.

All right, cool.

Well, let's take a look here.

I got the...

Casey, I got a general store.

Casey's General Store.

We got Uncle Vinny's Pizza.

We got the Wild Weasel Bar and Grill.

We got...

I talked to them earlier, the Mecca Restaurant.

It was some white guy that answered there, though.

Let me see here.

What about, let's see, Vinny's Pizza?

Yeah, Uncle Vinny's Pizza.

Here's one of my interests.

You've got the Hip Hop Club.

That's all it says, Hip Hop Club.

Hip Hop Club.

Yeah, in Tustin, California.

And they've got Wayne's World Tavern.

That's in Seattle.

What the fuck?

Where's that at?

That is in Seattle, Washington.

Who the fuck thought that would be a good idea?

To open a cockamamie fucking place like that up?

Yeah.

You know what?

There's like so many of those.

is I want to call, like, some because I think it's funny

and just some out of, like, anger.

Out of anger.

You know, like that Canes World one.

Yeah.

If they were in Illinois, I'd understand it.

Come on, dude.

It's like, I don't know what to even call it.

Do you want to call it, like, as a surfer

or, like, call it as, like, Kurt Cobain or some shit?

I don't even know.

Kurt Cobain.

Calls Keanu Reeves.

It's like, yeah, it's like the same.

Whoa, dude.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah.

There you go.

All right.

All right, I'll do that, man.

Here we go.

Seattle, Washington, Wayne's World.

Don't go anywhere.

Wait, wait, wait.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Let's do a warm-up one on something that might be kind of gank.

Okay.

Get our mind flowing, and then we'll switch to, like, those ones, I guess.

Let's do the general store, then.

Casey, that's always easy to do.

Casey's General Store.

That's in Nebraska.

Casey's General Store.

Woman answer there.

All right, we'll warm things up.

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere.

Reckless.

Nobody else go anywhere.

Let me play a music tune, and I'll be right back.

Hello, what do you guys got going on there?

Hello, what do you guys got on there?

We got what?

Hello, listen, honey.

What do you got down there?

I'm trying to get some white crosses.

What did you need?

You got them pills?

What pills?

Hey, pills keep you up at night, make you hard.

Hello?

Listen, I'm kind of old, about 53, 55.

I need them pills, you know what I'm saying?

They got them boosts or something, stamina RX, you know what I mean?

I need to get hard.

and got my wife down here, a young girl,

so I need all the help I can get, buddy.

I don't have them out of my prescription.

And I heard you guys got a little bag of pills.

I mean, they're legal.

I mean, they're legal over the counter.

We don't carry that stuff here.

What do you guys carry then?

Liquorice or your old-time general store?

What do you got down there?

No, we just carry, like, cold medicine over the counter.

Cold medicine?

You don't have any little packets of yellow jackets

or black beauties up there?

No.

Somebody was telling me you guys had bottles of that stuff,

and then some people were taking it in the woods and making meth with it.

Is that true?

I don't know anything about it.

Breaking down that stuff, they put it in a pot,

and they break it down and mash it up in there

and put some water or bacon or something on it,

and they run it around, and them people, them dopers,

they run out in the woods and they make some of that stuff with it.

You know anything about it?

You ain't got to tell me about that.

I just want some uppers.

No.

You have any green tea pills?

No.

What about herbal ecstasy?

Just have, like, energy drinks.

Energy drinks? Well, how many of those do you recognize to drink to get her up?

I have no idea.

Listen, my girl's about 25. I found it. I mean, she's a little overweight, but she works at the hospital.

She works at the hospital down there. What's going on?

Say what?

What did you say about gas tanks or something?

Hey, hold on.

Yeah, go ahead. Hello?

Still there?

I'm still here.

Alright, so what's going on, Taylor? You having a good night down there? Hello?

I'm having a good night.

Yeah, you having a good night down there? You drinking them energy drinks yourself?

Jill, you seem kind of peppy to me.

I don't drink those.

Oh, what do you drink?

Your sweet tea, or what do you drink there?

I drink pop.

You drink soda pops in there?

Yeah.

I'll tell you what, you sound like a sweet girl.

You over 18?

Yep.

You know, I got a real nice car.

I got a real nice car.

Are you trying to pull a prank on me or something?

What are you talking about, baby?

I'm just, you know, trying to, I'm an old guy.

This is like a conversation.

I can't even, trying to have a good time, you know, with the ladies, you know.

I mean, I just, you know, I've been married for, I've been married, oh,

Oh, right down the road up there.

I'm from actually just staying at a local hotel.

But I'm actually from down in Alabama, where I come from.

Hello?

Yeah?

Yeah, that's basically what's going on.

You got a big window up there because I'd like to drive my car up there.

You know, I got a real nice car.

Really?

You can tell I'm telling the truth because I got Alabama plates on it, too.

Okay, well, I got a customer, so I have to go.

Well, listen, I'm going to call you back later.

What time is it?

What time are you guys open until?

Until 11.

Okay, well, I'll call back, honey.

Okay.

I shall or will.

All right.

All right, bye-bye.

Bye.

That's funny.

I like how you keep saying, hey, feller.

She's like, who's your name, though?

That's pretty good, man.

Yeah, we'll call her back, though.

We'll keep on calling her back.

Dude, she was, like, into it, though, man.

I'm telling you.

Yeah.

She was, like, you know, probably just bored.

Yeah, she was having fun.

It makes the night exciting, I guess.

It makes the night.

I just want to say real quick, Dr. Leggo, you remember him?

He's in the house.

He's got a very disturbing image of a woman that says,

Dr. Lego, I am woman.

It's a woman, and she's putting on lipstick with, like, her fingertips,

and it's all over her, and she's all in white.

It's kind of scary.

Nice.

Yeah.

That sounds like my kind of broad.

Yeah.

One of those crazy women.

It's a pranny, is it?

No, it looks like a chick.

It's a white girl.

Looks like definitely a definite nose job.

It's a white girl.

Yeah.

Zolar is in the house.

White girls don't do tranny.

Yeah, and if you remember Zolar, Reklu, a good friend of yours, Zolar Party Nation, tomorrow night, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Zolar Party Nation, don't miss that.

Dude, I'll be out for fucking, I'm doing, like, visuals of this crazy lesbian bar tomorrow.

This is a crazy fucking story.

They get naked in there or something?

It's great, dude.

I got fucking pictures of, there's this one broad in town I did some filming for.

Right.

So I'm, like, posting all these, like, lesbian photos, or not photos, but videos.

Okay.

We did a green screen shoot, so, like, she doesn't even know it, dude.

But, like, she filmed it, but she doesn't know it.

But I'm going to put her and that girl, like, dyking out, like, right on the screen.

Oh, nice.

A bunch of people know it's her, so I just want to see what will happen.

There's no more repercussions in Columbus because I don't really care.

You're done with the town now?

Well, yeah, I mean, it doesn't matter.

These people are fucking morons.

The new club opens up every two seconds here.

It's like I can always just switch back and forth to get work or whatever,

Plus the studio's doing well

You know what I mean

So it's like

I just love like

It doesn't matter

Like I burn bridges all the time

And it's hilarious

Okay well

I mean it's just like

It doesn't matter

Not in LA

When I'm in LA

I'm a fucking

You gotta do right

Angel so to speak

I mean I'm just

You know what I'm saying

I don't fuck up up there

But here it's just like

I just don't care

Yeah man

Well that's

That's good

Good for you in LA man

Just uh

Yeah just

Yeah I'm just nice out there

You know I take care of business

Here it's just like

Meh whatever

Yeah true that man

Man, well, that's just awesome, though.

It's got to be awesome being able to fly out to L.A. like that, all baller, man.

Jesus Christ, dude, I was freaking out when I heard that.

Yeah, man, I mean, I didn't really expect it, you know.

It's one of those things, man.

Cool, all right, let's do another one, man.

Do you mind taking over the reins?

I'm just, I'm real tired.

I just wanted someone, you always, if you're in a pranking mood, man,

just take over if you want, man.

Just go crazy.

Yeah, that's fine.

Why not dial the number?

Are you going to dial the number?

Yeah, I'll let you know what we're doing and what we got.

I got Pump and Pastry.

No, Pump and Pantry.

Pump and Pantry in Nebraska also.

Those people there are kind of goofy in Nebraska.

Like, who, who?

Yeah, this is good.

We're on to something.

Yeah, they're all corn-fed over there.

You want to give them a call, Pump and Pantry?

I'll tell you what, there's something weird.

The reason I was saying that about the fucking, like, White Cross or something,

I was, like, when I did them cross-country trip

and I came back through Omaha or some shit.

Right.

And then fucking they had these pills that they had to, like,

they had serial numbers on these goddamn bottles of pills

and they were locked up, like, right at a gas station.

Okay.

And I was like, what the fuck are those?

And she said, yeah, they break them down.

The reason they do that is because people buy, like, a ton of them by the case

and they'll go make meth with them or some shit.

Holy shit, really?

So, yeah, that's where it came from.

I don't know.

I mean, that actually has some real basis.

I don't know if they do it anymore.

Yeah, well, no, it was the shit in Sudafed, Sudafedrine or something like that.

It was an ingredient that you boiled down to make meth and then,

so now you've got to buy it behind the counter now.

Yeah, yeah, you gotta, yeah, they, they, they, yeah, what sucks is fucking bullshit because that Sudafed stuff was the best stuff to get rid of a congested nose.

If your nose was runny or stuffed up for fucking four or five hours, you took some Sudafed or whatever that shit was and it cleared it out.

They had to replace it with this other shit that doesn't, doesn't work at all.

It barely puts a dent in a runny nose.

Yeah, they, they, they replaced it with some other pussy shit.

You can get it like, the last time I was stick, I was stuffed up.

up to the you know the pharmacist asking hey can i get some of the good shit you know but i was

like are they going to be like what do you need it for and they take your license and all that i

think and uh it's too much trouble so i just got some afrin that's what i got that shit you just

squirted right up your nose it's awesome stuff all right so uh don't forget we got the pizza

here also uncle vinnie's pizza yeah we'll call that around that sounds like a good you know

maybe these fucking one i don't give a shit let's just do whatever man all right just rattle

don't throw them, dude. No fucking, I tell you what, I do stupid shit. Let's just fucking

call. Let's just do it. Yeah, let's call fucking, um. Pumping Pantry? Pumping Pantry. That's

a gas station, but it's so fucking retarded. Pumping Pantry, huh? Alright, cool. We'll

do that. Don't go anywhere, dude. Hey, buddy. I went down there earlier and then somebody

just ran off with my gas can. Okay. Somebody ran off with my gas can down there. I don't

know what to do. Um, do you know what time you're here? You, you gotta help me. I was here about

three hours ago. Tried to fill up my gas can and somebody done run off with it. I don't know

whatever to do. I'm not even from town. Hello? Yeah, um. Hello, how can you help me? Somebody

done run off with my gas can. I don't know whatever to do. I'm not even from town and I

I can't call the police.

I don't know the number.

I don't want to get the police involved either.

I'm from out of town, and somebody ran off on my gas cane.

Hello?

Yeah, um...

I hear loud music.

I hear loud music in the background.

Um...

Oh, you guys got...

Maybe I can just get some food instead.

I'm kind of hungry because I'm traveling Carl's country,

so I was wondering if you'd just maybe give me a discount on a sandwich.

Then we can call it even.

I could out of something in the, our warmer.

Oh, yeah, your warmer?

What is it, is it, what kind of delicacies do you provide?

There is, like, hot dogs and...

Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

What's going down?

I think I'll be down there in a few.

Can you put some of them hot dogs aside for me?

Yeah, I can do that.

That kind of makes me a little riled up, talking about that that way.

So, yes, I can do that for you.

Am I making you uneasy at all?

No, not really.

My voice making you a little creeped out a little bit?

Because I kind of sense it.

I have that sixth sense that some people got, and I can kind of sense it, but that's okay.

I creep a lot of people out, and there's probably reasons that I do that I shouldn't talk.

But anyway, I've said too much.

So, hi, how are you doing tonight?

I am doing just fine.

That's sweet.

How late are you guys open down there?

11 o'clock.

11 o'clock, that's great.

So, I've pretty much got like an hour to get there.

Right.

It's hard to get there.

You're going to be there all night?

Yes.

How long does it take you to clean up the place after you close?

Usually an hour.

Sweet.

That'll work out perfectly.

So that's great.

You guys sell any of the over-the-counter black beauty pills?

No.

Energy pills or drinks?

What do you guys got down there?

Yeah, we have energy drinks here.

So you guys have a pantry?

What does that mean?

It's just like there's different things we've got.

Oh, that's great.

You sure seem talkative.

That's real nice.

I like that a lot.

That's really great.

That agrees with me.

I really like that.

Yeah.

So, yeah, but I can do that for you if you like.

That's great.

I'm telling you, I'll be down.

I'm not even joking.

I'll be down.

Okay.

So, you guys close at 11.

You'll be off at midnight.

That's great.

Perfect.

Are there any bars around that I can maybe take you to one?

Not here.

That's fine.

So, how long do we have to drive?

What's that beeping?

And does that mean...

Holy Jesus.

Listen, how far is the nearest car I can take you to?

Find just wherever you need.

Okay, well, I got a pretty decent car, so I figured we'd save on gas.

Just navigate for me, and I won't drink.

You can drink all you want to.

I'll just, I'll buy you the drinks.

Eh?

You got a really nice Midwestern accent.

I don't have the same accent.

I'm from a little more south.

I'll be right down, baby.

Doing kind of great.

Save me some of them delicacies.

Yes, I can do that.

Oh, that's great.

Do you have anybody else working there with you right now?

No, I don't.

That'll work out great.

It sounds like it's a perfect night.

It sounds like it's a perfect night in this town.

I better get going so I can get some stuff done.

That's fine.

I mean, I'll just wait.

I'll be down.

I'll just wait and then take care of it from there.

That's fine.

What do you like to drink?

What's your favorite drink?

Just about anything.

That's fine.

So you drink beers or vodka or whiskey, or what do you prefer?

It doesn't matter.

Cool. Do you party?

A little bit, yes.

That's great. I mean, it's just shaping up to be the perfect night.

Shaping up to be the perfect night.

I mean, I've never seen a night so perfect in a long time,

especially since I've been through Tennessee.

And I don't even live there.

I just kind of go through there every now and then.

Right.

That's why that's the last place I stopped at for the last encounter.

But it was a beautiful night then, too.

I don't know if it's as perfect as this one, but it was pretty good.

That's great.

That's fine.

I mean, are there many policemen in this town?

A few, yes, but not very many.

Good.

That's even more perfect.

This just keeps getting better and better.

You're saying all the right things.

Fleet, are you Italian, honey?

No.

Well, that's good.

That's actually better.

Are you part German?

That's great, because I come from the motherland myself through relatives.

Right.

So do I.

I'm not even talking about the Jews either.

I'm not really worried about them too much.

Well, fine, I think we've discussed everything we need to discuss,

and now I'll just take a plan of action.

So I'll be down there a little bit,

and I can get maybe directions to the bar ahead of time

so I can plan out everything.

And maybe I'll just drive it a couple times

and just make sure I know the way.

You know what I mean?

It's a lot easier that way, I think.

That'll make things go a lot smoother.

That's great.

Well, I like your voice, and I appreciate you talking to me.

I really do.

Cool, so I guess that wraps it up for now.

But then, you know, about 15 minutes you'll see me,

and then pretty much we'll just go from there.

Okay, all right.

See you then, darling.

All right, bye.

Oh, my God, that's fucking crazy.

I don't know if, like, I mean, dude,

it seemed like she was, like, half turned on by that shit or something.

That was a weird call.

I could not make her uncomfortable.

I'll let you know, the consensus,

everyone was going crazy about it in the chat room.

and half the crowd is reporting to me

they think she's turned on,

they think she's down.

Jesus Christ,

you was telling me her favorite drink

and her nationality,

and I mean, what the fuck?

But the other half,

the other half,

she sounded kind of scared sometimes.

Almost like she's like,

yeah, I'm here, I'm here.

I know, dude,

that was like the creepiest fucking call ever.

I'm trying to act like a serial killer.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah, you creeped Zolar out and Dr. Lego, which is pretty epic right there in itself.

That's pretty fucking great.

I'm glad I creeped you fuckers out.

Yeah, that was pretty, that was good.

I almost, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the beep thing.

Sorry about that.

I almost killed her with a beep, man.

How was that?

I don't know why, because she had some weird beeping in the background,

so I beeped back at her, and I almost killed the fucking thing before it got really good.

Dude, like, I almost want to go bang it fucking broad, dude.

That was fucking hot.

No, there's no way I could ever, you think she's going to call the cops right now?

No, well, whatever.

Or she's kind of like putting on some perfume or whatever?

I think she's over there spraying the Calgon that they have on the aisle over there, you know,

and the toiletries, and she's, you know, she's putting on some deodorant and stuff off the shelf.

She's like fucking, that's what I was like, fucking probably like finger fucking her.

Yeah, she's going to take a whore's bath in the bathroom probably with, you know, right out of the sink.

Yeah

Oh man

That was a pretty good call

I'm not sharing that call

With like anybody I know

In real life

Except for a few guys

Can you imagine though

Can you imagine if she looked good

And it was for real

Wouldn't that be something

Out of like a fucking fantasy

Like if she actually

Lived pretty good

And you got there

And she's like oh sure

And she closes down the store

And you bang her right there

In the counter

That'd be awesome

That'd be pimp

But in reality

She probably weighs like

350 pounds

Or she's probably got

Something wrong with her

If she was down like that

She's probably got

Something up with her

Probably like

What if she was like

Really hot

And like just a fucking

Like absolute freak

Yeah

That's true right

You know what I mean

Like tattoos and stuff

Shit man

Piercings

That fucking call

Got me all worked up

I tell you man

I'm gonna go fucking

Have to find me some broad

Or maybe a tranny

Or something

Down or something

God

Here's a girl

Wearing black makeup

That's nice right there

There

There you go.

Jesus Christ.

So what's going on in Syndica?

Is it worth going in there?

Yeah, yeah.

People are having a good time.

Zolar's in there.

Leggo's in there.

Oh, yeah?

John Ricker, your good friend Erica's in there.

You said you like her.

She's your friend, yeah.

Oh, that one broad.

The tall glass of water girl.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's waving at you, saying,

Hey!

Yeah, a lot of fairy dust pink, a bunch of guestesses in there.

Yeah, we got a lot of people tuning in.

It's fucked up.

The program I use to check my listeners, it just crashes after five minutes,

so I just have to hit start.

We got 15, we got 60, 72.

Hang on, I'm going to tell you how many people.

We got 72.

And if I go over here, I think I got another 10 or 12 over here right quick.

Watch.

Anyway, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to get a listener count here.

Yeah, we've got a total of 92, actually.

We've got a lot of people watching on the Mogulus on that station right now.

So, yeah, we're actually doing pretty good right now, bro.

Awesome.

Thank you, everybody, for listening.

All right, cool.

We've got this old TV that you're ugly ass.

Let's see here.

We've got some fucking 12-year-old kid.

Let's see what else we've got.

12-year-old kid.

We've got a nice little full-figure broad in there.

We've got the fucking Matrix.

What the fuck is this shit?

I don't know.

Is it Matrix in there?

Is that like a filter or what?

He's, like, licking his lips.

Oh, Lego's got some kind of weird filter on him, yeah, on his camera, he's got, yeah,

he's weird, yeah, like he's Neo up there, he's like a, he's like a baby Huey version

of Neo up there, in the Matrix, you look at him, yeah, oh, wait, let me see what that

is, Dr. Lego, see, that's a hot broad, that's a broad I could do, that's probably that broad

right now at the fucking Gatsby, yeah, oh, you imagine, she's like that, you walk in

and she starts doing that, like, with her mouth and lips and all that?

Ugh.

Nice.

That would freak me out.

Pretty hilarious.

Wow, she'll probably bite your cock off, dude.

Fuck that.

Don't do that, man.

Just stay home, all right?

All right.

All right, let's do another one, all right?

Yeah, let's do it, man.

I'm down.

All right, that was, which one was it?

That was Pump and Pastry.

We got Uncle Vinny.

We got the guinea, uh, the guinea whop, as you were saying last week.

You said something like that.

Uncle Vinny.

Uncle Vinny's pizza.

Bruno Vega

Should call

Bruno Vega

Or something like that

Something ethnic

Would be pretty funny

Like a fucking

Bullshit

Wob boy

Or you could do

Richie Randall

You know

Whatever

Who cares man

It's all good

You know what

You know what I'm gonna do

I'm gonna try to work this

In the call

Like what it is

Is there's this

Fucking

You ever

You ever see

The part in Goodfellas

That's fucking hilarious

That's like

There's this one part

To where

Like he goes

To this casino

And like he goes

It wasn't very scientific

But Nicky would basically

Tell like the bookies

to go fuck themselves

if he lost

and if he went

and he collected

and lost.

He goes,

hey, what's going on?

You get that thing for me?

He goes,

oh, Nicky,

I thought you were a Lillian.

I don't know how to work that in,

but that would be fine.

That would be kind of funny

to see how it's sneaking in there.

I have no idea how to fucking work it.

We were joking about that today.

I don't know how to work that in.

I'm probably not going to.

Goodfellas is an awesome movie, bro.

Henry Hill.

On Syndicate, actually.

Not anymore,

but he did a few shows

on Syndicate,

as a matter of fact.

Really, dude?

Dude, I don't, I don't, dude, that's fucking scary shit.

I mean, I can't believe, like, he got away with all that shit.

I know.

And, like, totally spilled and, like, ratted out his friend.

I mean, I don't know what I'd do.

I hopefully wouldn't do any of that.

But I can't believe he's, like, still walking around.

Yeah, now he's all, like, you know, he's making, he was on Syndicate Radio for fucking sake.

He was on Stern all the time.

Stern, he's got a book.

Yeah.

That guy's got, like, the best of books.

Like, he totally ran all that shit, fucking, like, did whatever he did.

and then,

bam,

like.

He got a movie deal

out of it

and he like,

whatever,

it's like,

oh,

it's cool.

Not only a movie deal,

but like,

Jesus,

like one of the

fucking epic

saving film,

you know.

Right,

exactly.

Wasn't that,

yeah.

That's pretty,

that's pretty badass.

Yeah,

but a damn,

but a damn good movie.

Alright,

so Uncle Vinny's in,

okay?

Yep,

yep.

Yep,

yep,

hang on,

I had something to play

and I lost it,

shit.

Alright,

dude.

One moment,

ladies.

Koran hater.

I gotta take that down

it's still up

I forgot to take it down

man

the Quran hater

calls me

that shit

that shit's crazy

it's just so funny

cause I don't know

where you're like

yeah hey

I just wanna let you know

the what

the Quran hater

and you take a pause

and you're like

I like the shit

and piss on the Quran

it's like

oh my fucking god

go download it now

it's off

I already took it off

actually

I already deleted

the thread

everybody

it's over

it's gone

alert

tell fucking

Fucking, tell God damn, what the hell is his name?

Hello, Hollywood.

All right.

Hollywood.

Where's he at?

Where's he out of?

Hollywood's in Texas, actually.

Yeah, Texas.

Why does he call himself Hollywood?

What's the deal behind that?

I don't know.

He's got a weird story.

I think he had some fling in Hollywood once.

Hey, Anunu sent in a number for the Alabama Confederate Dames, chapter 1786.

Oh, shit.

Alabama Confederate women.

So they're like daughters of the Confederacy?

Black women, they're like all uppity.

Yeah.

Like kind of a Klux Klan thing.

Probably, yeah, exactly.

We got a number for Delilah Williams-Brandon.

That's a redneck name there if you ever heard one.

Delilah.

Oh, man.

And he suggests we...

The thing, they're debutants from 1950.

He suggests you call a black guy who wants his wife to join.

See if they'll let his black wife join the Alabama Confederate Dames.

Chapter number 1786.

That's fucking retarded.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

All right, where's that at?

let me do this real quick let me just like let me see here and this is like where's the city at

like what's the zip code i'm sending it to you on the yahoo okay on the yahoo there you go like

try to get at least like a street or something where i can just kind of bullshit there you go

all right i'm telling you let's see here so it's where the fuck is this at oh shit this thing's

like fucking near like any town at all like i don't know what is it called it's oh my god yeah

Yeah, it's way outside of, it's way outside of Birmingham.

Oh, that's like out of the sticks.

It looks like in the middle of a fucking, yeah, it's like there's Talladega National Forest, like, around there, and it's like a, I don't know how close it is, it might be like a suburb, fucking A, dude.

Alright, alright, so let me, um.

Birmingham, AL, I'll tell you right now how far it is.

It's about an hour to Birmingham.

Oh, dude.

It's not, but it's still, like, I mean, it's in the middle of a fucking, like, by a big forest and shit,

those fucking hillbillies, and it's about maybe, like, two or three hours from Atlanta.

Yeah, they're still living in the 50s for sure there.

For sure, yeah.

Those motherfucking lynchers, I guarantee you, you can't tell me, I'd be surprised if those motherfuckers,

I'd be surprised if those motherfuckers, like, goddammit,

I'd be surprised if one of their fucking relatives did not lynch some motherfucker.

Was involved in a lynching or something?

Yeah, probably.

Yeah, like, I mean, somewhere in their bloodline, somebody in their bloodline, one of their relatives, at least a cousin or closer, has lynched a black man.

I guarantee it.

Wow.

I don't fucking know.

That is that.

No, whose hasn't?

No.

Whose hasn't, Tuck says.

Very nice, Tuck.

Yeah, Tuck owns a plantation.

God, you know his ancestors did.

Fuck.

He owns a...

Tuck owns a plantation.

He lives on, like, an old plantation.

He grows cotton.

You know, and he gets, like, a hand-me-down.

You know, Tuck, you're...

Oh, bullshit.

Yeah, he does.

Are you fucking serious?

Yeah, look, go to his blog, go see the picture.

He's got this big cotton plant.

The picture didn't happen.

Somebody send me a link to that.

He's got an authentic cotton gin,

Eli Whitney cotton gin there that the slaves used to run around in a circle.

Dr. Micah.com.

Yeah.

Shit.

He's got one of those still in existence.

Dude, what if you had, like, a fucking house party over there?

Yeah, at the Confederate party.

What if you had a fucking...

That's all we should do.

Don't tell him.

While we're on the air, I guess we're fucked.

He's losing it.

Dude, we should just, like, have a fucking...

Where is that at?

I don't know.

Tennessee, I believe.

Somewhere out in Tennessee.

There's nothing out there.

It's a thing.

That's the whole thing.

He doesn't have...

He has dial-up.

That's what he's got.

Dial-up.

Poor Tuck.

Are you fucking serious?

Yeah.

Yeah, tell him, Tuck.

He can't hear you,

but Tuck will tell you

he's got dial-up.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, man.

Somebody send me a link

to your goddamn thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, it's...

What is it again, Tuck?

I'll relay it for you.

I posted it in the chat room.

Okay, you posted it

in the chat room.

Well, tell me now

and everyone listening

to the podcast in the air

can go there too.

Just say it.

Go.

Revolutalk.wordpress.com

God damn it.

Revolutalk.wordpress.com

There we go.

All right.

Good deal.

And tuckermike.com also.

They all point to the same road

which is Rome.

All right.

Anyway, come on.

We're dilly-dallying here.

Who was I going to call again?

The Confederate woman?

That's right.

Look in the October archive.

Yeah, that's fucking cool, man.

All right.

All right, hang on, don't go anywhere, ladies and gentlemen.

Look in the October archive.

Look in the October archive, Tuck says.

The October archive, if you're doing it.

October archive.

And then he's got pictures or something in there.

It's a puzzle, yep.

Sweet, man, let's do it, man.

I'm down to fucking, let's call something.

All right, I'm doing it now.

We're calling Delilah.

Rod?

Yeah.

So, my sister, may I speak to Delilah, please?

Hold on just a second.

All right, thank you.

Oh, boy.

Hello, this is Roger Johnson, and you don't know me,

but my wife was looking at joining your organization.

Okay.

And she's an African-American female, about 35 years,

and she has some great ties to the old Civil War, to her grandfather.

And I just want to know what your application procedure is.

You have to have a Confederate ancestor that fought in the war.

Well, he was, I know one of her grandfathers was,

I think he worked on a barracks or whatever.

He was kind of like, I mean, it was around slavery day, so it was a little different.

But I know he worked on that.

And I think she had an uncle.

What relation does it have to be again?

Well, all it has to be is a, let me see how I can describe it.

It just has to be an ancestor.

An ancestor.

Ancestor, if it is an uncle, she has to show relationship.

Well, it would be, what, a great-uncle, according to how old she would be.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

But when I say uncle, you know what I'm talking about.

Well, absolutely, I know what you're talking about.

It has to be, you know, during the 18, the wartime anyway.

Well, of course, of course.

But she has to show relationship to her mother or her father, whichever one the person.

Wait a minute, what do you mean relationship?

What are you trying to say?

You mean, now that sounds, that's horrible.

What do you mean relationship?

My great-great-grandfather fought in the war.

I know what you're saying, but, I mean, are you talking about what kind of relationship are you talking about?

Who, whichever one that is related to.

Oh, just related, okay.

Related to.

Okay, I thought you were, I didn't know, I apologize.

No, whichever one.

No, uh-uh.

I thought you were talking about nasty, something nasty there, that's fine.

I don't know, it's too late at night for me to think about things like that.

Oh, well, that's good.

The only problem I have is I notice some hesitation in your voice when I said African-American female.

I just want to make sure that it's clear.

No, that's not it.

I didn't know what you said.

You scared me when you said what kind of relationship.

Well, yeah, I mean, I don't want to.

We might have been played, but, you know, I don't need any kind of, you know what I mean?

I just don't want any kind of thing like that, you know.

No, what I was trying to explain was if you said something about it being a great-uncle or a great-great-uncle,

like the relationship from her to her mother to her mother's daddy or mother.

Yeah, I mean, you're just talking about a family tree.

What are you talking about exactly?

Family tree, family tree, you have to show the kinship to that person that is her.

Oh, kinship.

Oh, okay, kinship.

Grandfather or grandmother.

A birth certificate or city records.

Yes, yes.

I'm about to lose you.

If it was her grandmother's brother, you have to have like a census that shows.

I just want to make sure we're on the same page here.

This is an African-American female, and I don't want to, and I stress the American,

and I just want to make sure, because I've heard some things about your organization,

something about blackballing, and I want to make sure this is not like some sort of mean, oh, really.

I heard something about Cecilia Johnson.

Are you familiar with Cecilia Johnson?

No, sir.

Okay, well, I know there was an incident.

and then it was disputed, but there was something about her application,

and I want to make sure that it wasn't denied because she's an African-American.

I just want to make sure of that.

I don't like to be, you know, not included in anything.

And I think, you know, I mean, my wife, as much as anybody,

is qualified to be in your organization.

That's right, and all they have to do is be able to prove that they had an anteater.

I mean, they were slaves in the war.

I know that.

I know they were slaves in the war.

They were not free men in the war.

They were slaves.

Right.

Slavery.

They didn't even try to, they were so patriotic about the South,

they didn't even try to escape during the Underground Railroad.

You hear me?

Right.

So I just feel this kind of tension, and I just want to dispute this right now.

Well, now, there's no tension on my side.

Okay, well, I feel a tension on my side because I'm very upset.

At me.

I mean, I don't want you to just not include my wife just because she's black.

I'm just going to lay it out there on the table.

I'm just laying it right down on the table.

And I know that's what you're trying to think,

and I just think you're just going to take an application

and put it to the bottom of the pile.

You see what I'm saying?

Uh-uh.

No, it don't work like that.

Okay, well, how...

Basically, you're just going to throw it out there.

Is that what it is?

No.

Uh-uh.

You're just going to throw it out?

No.

I mean, I don't understand why you're just so racist.

Why are you people so racist?

I can tell it in your voice.

I know you're racist.

No, I don't think you can tell it in my voice.

Well, I know I tell you discontent.

I mean, you're just talking to me like I'm a child.

You know, I said the word slave, and I heard your voice, and the tone just changed, and you hesitated.

No, you did not.

So where do we go with this, huh?

We're having a meeting.

Okay, well, Monday night.

Monday night.

I mean, what kind of talk is that?

We're having an organizational meeting.

Well, if you think I'm not coming, you're crazy.

You're crazy.

I mean, I'm showing up.

All my brothers are showing up.

And we're going to sign on that piece of paper.

If I've got to call a congressman, my wife will be a part of your organization.

Do you understand?

You cannot deny me because of race.

I've had enough problems in the past with my family, during the Civil Rights Movement,

and in the slavery times of plantations.

And I tell you, I'm not going to put up with it none.

Could I have your name, please?

My name is Roger Johnson.

Roger L. Johnson.

It stands for Lucius.

Lucius.

Well, we're having an organizational meeting.

Okay, well.

Monday night.

See, now I know you're just giving in just because, you know, I argued a little bit.

I had to show that legally I do have the right to come to the meeting, and no one will stop me.

I mean, this ain't the 50s.

Your wife has the right to come to the meeting.

This is not the 50s, ma'am.

This is not the 50s, and I'm not going to be a part of your slavery regime

that you want to obviously bring back so bad with your organization.

We don't play that.

This is not the 50s, ma'am, and I don't appreciate your attitude

and your hesitation and your discrimination and your racism and your prejudice.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

We ain't sitting in the back of the bus.

I'm not sitting in the back of a bus anymore.

You understand?

Bush don't care about black people.

He's sitting in the back of the bus.

What?

I don't know.

What brought all this on?

I just, I know you're for it.

I can tell.

I know you're being racist.

If I was in a room, you'd be looking at me.

I know how it is.

And I'm not going to have my wife discriminated against.

You're not just going to take your application and put it to the bottom of the pile.

Well, I'm not aware that they do that.

Well, you just turned a blind eye to it then.

Because I don't put up with discrimination.

I'll call a congressman and a harpy.

I mean, you don't understand that?

If a congressman gets involved, we will see who stops who from going to that meeting.

I'll put this on the news.

It'll be on CNN.

Nancy Grace is going to cover it.

It doesn't matter.

What's going on?

Well, darling, go right ahead.

I don't care.

There's people on my side.

Do you understand?

There's people on my side,

and you're not going to oppress the black man anymore.

He's gone.

That's great, man.

That was great.

Oh, man.

You've got to love that heritage, not hate kind of stuff, man.

That's so fun.

I was trying to find an end, but I couldn't get a legitimate end.

I'm sending you the links to the stuff on the block.

Yeah, they're saying Chuckle Fitz is a great call, Carlito.

That's Recklood.

Oh, man, I'm three for three.

Hell, yeah, you're having a good night, Recklood.

Recklood is helping run the show tonight because I'm just in a tired mood.

Should Recklood just link to you in the PM, Carlito?

Yeah, Recklood, yeah, I'll send that to him, Recklood.

I'll send you the links to the pics.

I was just looking at the pictures of the cotton plantation that Tuck lives on.

It's pretty interesting.

Yeah, he's such a linter.

Yeah, you know.

He should put pictures of his cone head.

Yeah, the cone head piece.

Oh, shit.

I'll put one on cam.

Maybe I'll put one or two.

All right, dude, you want to do one more?

Yeah.

One last one?

Yeah.

All right, all right.

If you can, that's fine.

If not, that's cool.

No, no, I'm good, man.

I'm just sitting here, like, editing a video and shit.

I'll just have to call the DJ Broad back in a second

Call him back in a second

I've got a motel

Freddie's Motel

Richard Randall could call Freddie's Motel

That's always fun

They've got the Good Times Bar

They're in Wawanuda

Nebraska

I've got the Wild Weasel

Wild Weasel Bar and Grill

Why don't I just send you what I've got

That would probably make more sense

Let me check out what I've got

Or what I got here.

Some of them we call already.

I'll send it to you right now.

Hang on.

Hopefully it's not too much.

Yeah, this is too much to send, fucker.

I just didn't.

Yeah.

Hang on.

This always happens.

I'm sending you the motel here.

I'm going to call the motel, I guess.

I don't know.

Freddy's Motel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In South Dakota.

Let's see here.

Hold on a second.

Okay, let's see.

Calls a black guy who wants his wife.

Oh, that was the one before.

Yeah, yeah.

Do we have...

Do we...

Were we supposed to call some WAP joint or something?

Did we call Uncle Vinny's Pizza?

We never got to it, did we?

We got on a tangent.

We never did.

That's right.

Yeah, we're going to call Uncle Vinny's Pizza.

Yeah, let's call that, right?

That's in Portland.

What time is it over there now?

8.32?

It's still early.

That's cool.

We'll be able to get through to Uncle Vinny's.

All right, we'll see.

All right, hang on, dude, all right?

All right.

Hello?

Yes, ma'am.

Is this the number for the assorted men's clothing for $20 and up?

Oh, yes.

Okay, yes.

Can you tell me what all do you have?

What I have?

Yes.

What men's clothes do you wear?

Um, I have, uh, men's, uh, court trousers, wool trousers, dress trousers.

Dress trousers? What are dress trousers?

Dress.

Dress? Oh, you got men's dresses. Good, I need some men's dresses.

Okay, how much are the men's dresses, man, and what size are those waist?

38.

The 38 waist, 38 waist for the men's dresses?

Yes.

Okay, what color do you have?

Convenience may help you.

Hey, what's going on here, champ? Hello?

Hey, what's going on here, champ? How you doing tonight?

I'm doing good. How are you doing?

What's going on? I want to talk to Vinnie.

Vinnie is out because he has left the building.

Vinnie has left the building?

Vinnie left the building.

How long ago?

Five minutes ago. You just missed him.

Five minutes ago. Call him on the cell phone. Tell him to come back down and we need to discuss some business.

We need to discuss some business, huh?

Well, you know what? Unfortunately, he left his cell phone here.

Oh, really? Okay. I think I know where we're going with this.

You think so? All right.

Yeah, kind of think so.

That's fine.

I'll just come on down.

That's fine.

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, I can use your name.

Oh, you're coming down, but we're closing.

Uncle Vinny said close up.

It don't matter what time you get done cleaning because, you know what I'm saying,

like I just have an aficionado for, you know, that sort of thing.

You know what I'm saying?

I like a little feisty woman.

Uh-huh.

I know you're giving me lip on the phone, so, I mean, that's what's up.

Uh-huh.

You know what I'm saying?

Exactly.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

You know what I mean?

I mean, that's where it's at.

That's where it's at, huh?

That's where it's at.

So what's going on?

You want to go down the road to the bar?

Down the road to the bar, huh?

Well, I was going to meet Vinny.

Oh, he's going to meet Vinny, huh?

Well, Vinny, let me tell you something about Vinny.

Okay.

He's a, don't tell anybody this, but he's a half a fag or something.

I caught him down there with that John's boy.

He's probably where?

No, he's down with that John's boy.

He's a half a fag on the side, but you guys don't know about it,

That's all I just told you right now.

Ah, okay.

The half a bag or something.

He's down there with the Johns boy.

I saw him over there.

He's in a little bar over out of town, you know what I mean?

I mean, I seen him in the city.

Dude's at a bar, you know what I mean?

I called him, right?

He don't do that stuff around there, maybe behind closed doors, but you don't know about it.

Oh, yeah, that darn Vinnie, well, yeah, we're trying to break him of that habit.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

So, uh, so that's cool.

I mean, does that, does talk of that kind of turn you on or what, honey?

I don't know.

Did you call for a reason?

Yeah, I mean, I call for a purpose.

For your purpose.

Now, what is your purpose?

My purpose is to make people laugh and get turned on.

And basically, I'm picking up girls in the chat room.

That's what you're doing, huh?

And they're listening to all this.

Oh, boy.

Well, hey, I got another call.

I got another call.

I got to let you go.

Bye-bye.

I'll call back.

Bye.

Awesome.

I mean, that was like, that was so shit.

That was cool, though.

But, all right, Rackman, thanks for calling in, man.

Thanks for helping out tonight.

Have fun in L.A.

All right, man.

It's going to be cool, man.

Bring back some pictures and shit.

Awesome.

Try to check in when you're in L.A.

You're only going to be there for a week, you said, right?

Yeah, Thursday night might be a little crazy.

She's been in some clubs, so Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night,

like Saturday night especially, that's like the industry shit.

So, I mean, it's going to be fucking nuts.

So, it's going to be fun, though, man.

Cool, man.

Yeah, man, nice to talk to you.

were you joking

when you said

like Milkman was gay

what the hell was that

no Milkman is not gay

he's just got

I was like

what are you talking about

you're fucking

I thought you were

fucking around

but you're all serious

about it

yeah I'm good at that man

I'm pretty sure

he ain't no half a faggot

nah he's straight

he's a straight guy

he's just funny

that's all

he's just a weird guy

weird old guy

he's an interesting dude

yeah we all love him

we love

I just want to give

some shout outs

real quick

because I'm

I'm a plug whore

okay

well it's not really

plugging

it's just

I want to give

Give a shout-out to all the people behind the scenes that, like, helped this radio show go on.

The people with the phone cards.

You got the people like Nunu going out there and fucking finding numbers.

Oh, yeah.

All those motherfuckers, dude.

And, you know, of course, yourself.

And, man, I tell you what, that fucking, I tell you what, I got to kind of think for that one broad.

Yeah, that first girl, man, that's classic.

First girl, come on, man.

Leave that motherfucker alone.

You guys are a bunch of fuckers.

Anybody that busts his balls is a bunch of cocksuckers.

Oh, man.

Anybody that busts his balls is a fucking cocksucker.

Dude, stick up for yourself.

Just fucking, I'm telling you, you can still get laid.

Don't worry about it.

I'm sure he does all the time.

Yeah, of course.

I'm telling you, that guy gets laid more than the guy in the bottom with the lights,

with the fucking lights.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, yeah, between those two, yeah, definitely he is.

There's got to be a loop.

No, that's a real dude.

That guy's kind of like that.

He's kind of funny like that.

He's got some video camera stuff he puts on himself.

Isn't that something, man?

He's like VJ-ing it.

He's VJ-ing it.

I'm going to steal this from my VJ shit.

I wonder if I can download this.

Go for it, man.

Fucking stream.

Goddamn.

Yeah, dude, send me some videos, dude.

That fucking looks cool.

You should capture that.

That, like, lighting thing.

Yeah.

It hits the side of his face.

You see that?

Like, when he goes back, it's like...

Yeah, yeah, Zola...

He's fucking hilarious, dude.

Yeah, Zola has one where it makes you turn into flames.

Like, you're like, I think I can actually do it.

I think, I don't know where it is.

It's in effects.

Really?

Hang on, let me see.

I'm doing it now.

Are you just on a tan and shit?

Oh, see, I'm on fire.

I'm like, oh.

Is this on syndicate or what?

What is this?

It's on all my video feeds.

It's really cool.

I'm like, oh, I'm on fire.

I'm like, oh.

get a can so i can like sit here beat up with some of these broads i get many many

cam is what i use and there's some other different ones that are some that are better

and some places,

some that aren't.

Look, I'm making it snow

in here now.

That's kind of cool.

Let me see this shit.

This is fucking hilarious.

Yeah, manycam,

M-A-N-Y-C-A-M dot com.

Yeah, what is that thing

on your wall?

Is that like a fucking...

That's a mattress

that I use to kind of extend.

It's just a mattress back there.

It's a spare mattress we got.

I can sleep in here

if I ever want to.

Sometimes I spend the night

in the studio,

to be honest with you.

I do a lot of work in here.

Me too, dude.

I fucking, yeah.

All right.

All right, dude.

All right, Lego, I tell you what, dude, that fucking, I tell you what, that fucking, what's that broad's name, the third down?

Erica, you're talking, oh, the third one down?

Oh, no, Lost Girl 3000.

Lost Girl 3000.

Yeah.

Yeah, nice little hot little broad down there.

I like them like that, dude.

You like them like that?

You like those Filipino-looking girls, yeah.

You like the dark mean.

That's why I like going out to L.A.

You think it's for the business.

No, it's not.

No, it's for the broads.

Hot girls like her, yeah, man, I'm telling you.

Awesome, man.

I'm getting really into it

Oh dude

You're going to creep

Everybody out again

What the hell does that mean

I don't know

Half Mayan

Like South American

Kind of

Headhunters

Holy shit

That's fucking hot

She probably drinks blood

On certain holidays

And stuff like that

I bet

Drinks blood on holidays

She takes a cat

And she takes the heart

Out of the cat

You know like in

Indiana Jones

It was like

Yama yama yama

Like that

She pulls it out

They throw people down

Fucking like

Flaming

They kick out their heart

And throw them down

Is that what

Broadway Kerr do

They

They throw the

Oldest family member

Down the flight of stairs

In like

Remembrance of the

Mayan temple

That's what they do

Your fucking

Your uncle

Mola Ram

Or whatever

I don't know

Alright bro man

Alright I'll talk to you

Later man

Be safe

Alright later

Alright later on

Peace

Hollywood Reclude

Everybody

Hollywood Reclude

Awesome

Hollywood Reclude in the house

We had fun with him

We played

Very fun

The ghetto bird is

Flapping outside right now

And a phone call is coming

On the telephone machine

Let's see who this is

Hello

This is Mr. C

Let everybody know

Who you are real quick

Do you have

It's gone wild

Oh Jesus

So yeah

Put yourself on camera

So people know you're talking

Because you do a very creepy

Female voice

And

Hi

Yeah you see

So

If you

I haven't pranked anybody in, like, a long time, so...

Well, hey, we'll see how it goes.

If anybody has any questions to ask, a lot of people are throwing questions at you,

I will relay them to Mr. C.

You go by Cyan Pranks.

Whatever happened with that YouTube thing where they banned you for that W Flop movie?

What happened?

You knew about that?

Yeah, yeah.

I followed your channel.

I subscribed to your channel.

I used to, until now.

What did you do?

Well, it's...

YouTube channel now.

If there's anything, send me your link.

It's YouTube.com.

I think it's forward slash Madhouse Radio, as a matter of fact.

It's a very, it's actually got a lot of new stuff on there.

And, yeah, you should go.

I believe it's, how do you do that over there?

It's just, you just do a forward slash and then your username, right?

Yeah, that you have to type in user.

Oh, yeah, I got you up right now.

And there's this weird one that says 4AAD views won 22 hours ago.

Really? That's a weird one.

I saw you were doing a show in the middle of the day.

or in the morning the other day.

That was a little weird.

Yeah, no, the morning pranks are fun.

We do Monday mornings at 9 a.m. Eastern,

that's 6 a.m. Pacific Coast time.

I go through the Sunday paper from the day before

and I get all the want ads, you know, with phone numbers

and I call and I prank them.

And then here, if you look in the channel,

in the YouTube channel, I got up here,

it's called Left My Laptop at the Diner.

It's not an especially good prank call.

It's not a bad one.

But at the same time

If you look carefully

We actually

It's a capture of the webcam

Of the people that we were prank calling

As we were doing it

Oh my god

Yeah

Oh my god

I gotta watch this shit

Yeah so

That's up there

It's called

Left My Laptop at the Diner

And that's over at

That's what you do on the morning shows

Yeah we do shit like that

Yeah so that's

That's fucking cool

Yeah that's at

YouTube.com

4 slash Madhouse Radio

Someone's asking

Spinnaker asked

Yes, am I going to be on Monday morning?

Yeah, I'm planning on being on 9 a.m. on Monday morning.

Probably like 9 to 12.

As a matter of fact, you know what?

School's out, so I don't have to worry about my class on Monday,

so I can actually do a long show.

I could do like 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Yeah, it's been a win from hell for about everybody who's a college student.

Hell yeah.

Oh, it was.

I don't want to cross the nation this week.

Yeah, I just finished it now.

I've got to fix these videos that are all like hexed out.

They're like 4, 8, 8, 8, 7.

I don't know what happened with that.

That's weird.

I'm going to have to upload them again.

It's AT&T tracing your call.

Yeah, this one here, there's one called

Central Florida's Best Hibachi Style Japanese.

It's really, that's pretty funny.

But the laptop one, man, I wish I could play it.

I think I can capture it with this here,

but it'll be really jumpy for everybody to see.

Yeah, and it's been pretty jumpy all night.

Yeah, it has.

Let's not...

Oh, I think I closed that out.

There it is.

Let's not mess it up.

But that's awesome.

All right.

I would love to see someone, like, jump up when they, like, you freak them the fuck out and you piss them off.

They're all jumping and throwing shit around.

Right.

I would love something like that to happen.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, maybe one day.

We'll just got to find, they're on to us, so we have to kind of let them be cool for a little while.

We had a little too much fun with them.

We had a guy, the guy in the orange there, that's Ernie.

We had him put a phone, a cordless phone in the trash can.

Yeah.

We didn't capture that one, but I learned my lesson.

Awesome.

Okay, so you got time for one prank call, man, or you got to run?

I don't got to run.

I'm good all night.

Okay, I've got a motel.

I've got a barn grill.

I've got a hamburger place, and that's all I got left here tonight so far at this time.

Nothing else confirmed yet.

Oh, yeah, call the motel definitely.

All right, so we're going to call the motel.

We've got to take a break here.

Just wanted to give you the chance to call in since people were talking to you so much.

I had questions and now they're answering.

Do you have a website out there or anything that someone would want to subscribe to,

like a MySpace or anything you want to plug real quick?

I don't really.

Okay, well, never mind then.

Just mcstudios.tk will do it.

All right, well, there you go.

You heard it there.

I'll probably end up getting bought and edited or something

or denial of service by a cunt or something.

Yeah, that would suck, dude.

Who listens to me and thinks I'm a woman.

I was showing off my ID in the chat room.

Yeah, I don't know if that's safe.

I think it's actually pretty funny.

Watch the chat room here real quick.

I don't know if it's safe for you to be doing that on camera.

All right, well, hurry up.

Yeah, I'm just showing off my picture.

Okay, here we go.

Let me focus out a little bit.

Well, just put it up.

What are you doing?

What are you showing?

Your ID?

Oh, I see.

Are you getting anything, like, already laying to look like there?

No, you look more like a Conan O'Brien that's had, you know, a lot of donuts.

Oh, fine.

Yeah, that's the kind of look you have, actually.

I like that Ponevo is moving to Jay Leno's spot, though.

Yeah, I know.

It's coming finally.

I don't know.

I think it's going to suck because Leno got the 10 p.m. show.

Hey, look, we've got to do a prank call.

Don't go anywhere, all right?

Okay.

All right, dude.

Let me play this over here.

Hang on.

Yes, sir.

Yes, hello, my madam.

I am looking for a job.

I saw your advertisement in the newspaper machine today.

I'm so excited that we're going to be working together.

My name is Francisco.

My last name is Cartagena.

Jenna, would you please put me down for one job?

I will take from 9 to 6 and work good.

Well, we work from 9 to 5.

Oh, even better.

Okay, great.

So put me down 9 to 5.

Okay, well, how about we do this first?

Do you have any telemarketing experience?

Yes, I have five years telemarketing experience.

I'm the number one salesman every place I go to.

People get jealous of me.

They've tried to put stuff in my coffee and my tea to get me sick so that I will leave early.

So I want to have as many sales.

All right.

Hey, are you there?

Hi, this is Monique. I'm looking to speak with somebody there. The hotel conditions.

The hotel conditions? What are you wearing right now? What are you wearing right now?

I need to know.

I guess I didn't go anywhere.

The bitch is what you are.

We're going nowhere.

All right, well, cool.

You think you would call her back and I'll just say, I'm from the hotel inspector's committee

and you just hung up on me. You need to know what you're wearing right now. Oh, my God.

To place a call, press 1.

All right, we'll do that, sir.

To listen to your recorded calls, press 2.

Please enter your destination number.

I'm not kidding you.

I am a major league telemarketer salesperson.

I'm very good on the phone.

I make deals.

I touch the people's souls, and I make them see the face of God,

and they buy what I want to sell them.

Well, that's good.

Thank you for making me laugh this morning.

I was having a rough morning, but...

But seriously, though, I am interested in the job.

You can't, you know, you know by law you have to go through the motions,

so let's go, sweetie.

You're funny.

Yeah.

What day would you like to come in to fill out an application?

What day is good for you?

When do you take your lunch?

I don't really get to take a lunch.

I stay pretty busy all day.

Well, let's make an exception.

How about an interview lunch, me and you?

Well, I can't give you the interview.

I can just give you the application to fill out.

What about after interview lunch?

After interview dinner?

After interview breakfast?

I really don't think that my husband would like that very much.

What's his name?

It's a baby.

Hi, Miss.

Miss, I'm actually from the Hotel Commission Regulatory Commission.

I'm sorry if we kind of got a little misunderstood back there.

Okay.

Well, first off, I just need to know, I'm sorry about that, but I was just asking questions from my list.

I'm kind of new here.

This is Monique again.

I was just wondering, do you guys have a pool there, a hot tub or a pool?

No.

And how are your readings, do you have a salt water, what do they call those things?

water filter of any sort running through your hotel there i don't believe so okay has uh have

you checked the water conditions is it safe for drinking yes it's safe for drinking just wanted

to make sure that you never know um now do you have showers or just in your in your hotel rooms

okay just showers do you clean that thoroughly is it is there any lime or spots on there is it

It's thoroughly cleaned by the maids.

What is this for?

What are you asking these questions for?

See, we're trying to post...

See, what we're doing is I'm trying to inquire some information

so I can post it on a hotel website, you know,

when they go up and look on reviews and stuff like that.

Okay.

No, it's kind of late for that.

Maybe you should call back tomorrow.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, a little late for that.

I don't understand this.

This would be pretty simple questions to answer.

So much you cunt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sign.

Yeah, yeah, man, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you okay over there?

You've been smoking some pot?

Yeah, man, yeah, yeah.

Hey, you okay?

Yeah, hey, man.

Okay.

Yeah.

You're not, I'm not getting it really.

Cyanpranks.com, everybody.

All right, let's hear it for Cyan Pranks.

Okay, bye, Carly, though.

Yeah, yeah, shut up.

That's Cyan, everybody, my man.

Jake Jekyll asked

Did I get that digits

Carly do you get that digits

I don't know dog

Did I get that digits

Dr. Jekyll

And Mr. Hyde

I don't know what digits

From the prank call

That we were playing

Is that what you're talking about

Should I play the rest of that

The high batchy

Fucking thing

Phone's ringing again

Jonathan Jones

Big Jonathan

What's up Carly

Hey Jonathan

Yeah

Yeah, man, because Cyan called, and then Reklu called, and then, yeah, we're doing pranks, man.

How you been? How's your week, sir?

Pretty good. I'm just getting ready for the Christmas holidays.

I've been decorating my house up with Christmas lights.

I'm not happy about the holidays in this week. You want to know why, sir?

Why is that?

I don't know if you have any experience in this, but Athena had to open her big damn mouth at work

and commit to go to the holiday party.

I don't like going to office holiday parties.

I've never gotten drunk

and done something stupid at a holiday party.

Oh, that's the worst.

But I've seen a lot of people

and jobs that I've had

at the holiday party get drunk.

As a matter of fact,

last year's holiday party

at the place that I used to work at,

not the place I work at now,

the place I used to work at,

one of the girls got really drunk

and was dancing with the owner of the company

and said really loud on the floor

that she wanted to fuck him really bad

and everyone was like,

Like, oh, my God.

And she was, like, 21, and the guy is, like, married and ultra-conservative,

and he's, like, in his 50s, and he was, like, dancing with him and all this stuff,

and everyone kind of freaked out.

She was so embarrassed.

But, dude, I've seen nothing but bad things happen at holiday parties.

It's just very uncomfortable, annoying, getting dressed up for nothing.

I don't want to see those people outside of any time.

I'm like, you know, I don't know if you watch the TV show The Office, Jonathan,

But I'm like Stanley on The Office.

He's like, I don't give a fuck.

By 7 o'clock, I'm in my chair and my slippers with a glass of red wine.

I'm just like Stanley.

I don't want to spend any extra time with my coworkers that I have to

because I don't want to be all in their business.

Jonathan, I haven't even let you talk, man.

Do you ever hang out with the people you work with after work?

Do you go out drinking or anything like that?

Sometimes I do.

Yeah.

You just drink pina coladas.

You don't do any...

I mean, are they like heavy drinkers?

Will they put down a lot of beers or something like that?

You guys get pretty drunk?

Yeah, they like drinkers.

Oh, okay.

All right, all right.

Well, be careful with that.

That's how, you know, true serum, that's how it happens.

So now I've got to get drugged down with this.

I really hate holiday parties, office holiday parties.

It's such an annoyance.

All right, Jonathan, say hi to your fans and listeners.

I've got to take a break.

I need something to drink and something to eat.

All right, say hello to all the fans and listeners,

and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year.

All right, brother, man.

Man, we'll talk to you next week.

All righty.

Hey, everybody.

That's Jonathan.

Used to be the, always used to be the first caller of the night.

But he can't do that as much anymore because we've gotten rather popular here.

Anyway, so when we come back, we're going to take a break.

We've got two prank calls here and there's a break also.

It'll be about a five-minute, maybe five-and-a-half-minute break.

Not too long of a break.

Don't worry about it, my friends.

When we come back, however, we've got a lot more on tap.

we got a lot more numbers coming in from Lonesome Loser

including Sopranos

Italian restaurant

that sounds interesting

we were talking about that other place

that kind of stole the name from Wayne's World

now we got someone stealing Sopranos name

which is not right

that's not good to do Tuck

they shouldn't do that Tuck

don't steal the stuff from other people

including

yeah that's kind of corny

we also have

Yo-Yo's Bar

G.I. Joe's rack and rig

I don't know if that's

I don't know if that's like

Trucking place or ribs

Or some rack and rig

R.I.G.

That's a fun word to say a lot

Say rig a few times to yourself

It'll sound weird

Rig

Michelle Williams also

From last week

We didn't get to have some requests

Alright so we got more pranks coming up

more talk, some more topics of the week

we'll knock some news out of here

and your calls, be sure to send me

your requests, if you have any

you can do that over

screen name is Madhouse Radio on AOL

and Yahoo Instant Messenger, again

AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger, that's

Madhouse Radio, if you're using MSN Messenger

it's madhouseatlive.com

toll free line is

1-888-278-8509

and be sure to stop in on our

website madhouselive.com

And syndicateradio.tv.

We'll be right back in about five minutes.

Five minutes.

Very shortly.

You know, motherfucker.

It's too doggone late.

Gotta testify.

Come up on the spot.

Look at extra fly.

Yeah.

For the day I die.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming in.

They're not here.

All right, everybody.

We're back.

Jesus, I'm sorry.

Sorry about that.

Feel better.

Don't have to feel better.

to be honest with you what i just be honest with you what i just did uh i'm on a diet i uh i

actually um i had a turkey sandwich today for breakfast around 10 o'clock and then for lunch i

had i had a few handfuls i had a had a few handfuls of uh mixed nuts without with no peanuts the deluxe

kind that cost another an extra dollar 50 at walgreens and then um to wrap things up yeah

that was around 12 and now 12 hours later i just finally had um i just finally had dinner i had

some salmon that was broiled garlic and a little bit of sea salt yeah that's all i that's all i

had today so i'm planning on losing some weight for the wedding i just got it's got to be done

my little cream in the background here good for your blood and i got some um purple drink

you know what i mean you gotta love that purple sugar water and purple no sugar though that's uh

uh that's sugar-free yeah i need to shave i'm trying to do the goatee thing trying to do the

goatee thing again it's been a while since i tried to do it um i don't know like the just the the hair

on the top of my lip doesn't grow at a good rate it's wispy on the top it looks like i look like

michael jackson remember michael jackson tried to grow that goatee and it looked really bad and

wispy that's what it looks like i don't like it at all it looks it looks bad so i think it's time

I'm just a, I just, I hate, it makes it, it's so, so much quicker to shave when you do this.

This is the hardest part to shave is around the mouth and the chin and under the nose and all that.

When you get to skip that, when you just do the sides and under the chin and under the ears, fuck, that's easy, man.

That's, that's, that's, that's all she wrote.

That's the easy shit.

You just do long strokes, whoop, you're done.

I used to grow beards because I was too lazy to go through the whole mowing of my face.

because I can grow a big old mountain man beard

if I really wanted to.

I would do that, but I'm just, I'm,

I look really bad with facial hair,

to be honest with you.

With a beard, I look really bad.

It doesn't, it doesn't look good.

I look like, I don't know, like Peter Jackson

before he lost weight, you know what I mean?

Dino says, remember, tell people,

yes, I'm sorry, excuse me, let me rephrase it.

I want to remind everybody, please,

Milkman, Tuck, if you can stop the music, please.

Milkman's not here tonight.

Tuck, music, please.

thank you we got breaking news here

breaking news I want to remind everybody here

you're under order from Carlito

looking directly at the camera

Bill Clinton style

on the right there's a link

on the right on the syndicate website

click on that link make a donation

thank you alright moving right along

DTT says no link well you know what

DTT you gotta work with me here buddy

alright then make a

donate and get a Madhouse CD

I'll send one to you alright give me five bucks

I'll send you an autographed Madhouse CD DTT

DTT will like it.

Was that you that called in, DTT?

We're on a break.

Oh, yeah, so can the 410 link up?

Yeah, DTT, you can call in right now, bro.

I wasn't paying attention.

Well, I knew, but I was going to the break, so I turned the ringer off.

So you can call back if you want to be on, sure, or anybody else who wants to.

That's 888-278-8509.

Let me see if we got any more numbers from Lonesome Loser here.

We have some more prank calls we can play, of course.

How about we wrap things up?

Let's go ahead and finish this Hibachi-style Japanese Steakhouse one that I did.

Do you want to know?

James

No probably not

I know a James

Is he bi?

I know a bunch of Jameses

Would he be into like

Watching and stuff like that?

No

So what do you sell there?

Do you sell like vitamins?

No we don't sell vitamins

I don't have all the information

On all the programs

Oh you guys sell like

You guys sell like

Perverted stuff probably right?

Oh that's sick

You're disgusting

I don't think that I would work

For a company that sold

Well you know

Well actually I probably would

Are you guys near like

Normandy?

Where are you guys at exactly?

We are on

Deltona Boulevard

in between Enterprise and DeBerry.

My God, lady.

What?

You know, it's a shame that people like you operate in this once stellar town.

Why?

When did you move? Are you a transplant? When did you move to Deltona?

I don't live in Deltona. I live in New Smyrna.

Oh, look at me. I don't live in Deltona. I don't live in Deltona.

Why don't you get out of Deltona?

We have plenty of Apollons with jobs in Deltona,

and this 15-year-old mayor of ours who doesn't seem to know what he's doing.

Well, I'd love a new job, but I'm in between being a divorcee, so.

Oh, see, here we go.

See, now you're a divorcee.

No, I'm not yet.

Okay, see, now we're getting the truth about it now.

All right, that's fine.

I'm not yet.

If you don't want to have Central Florida's best hibachi-style Japanese steakhouse, that's fine.

No problem with me.

Would you like to come in and fill out an application?

I'll take you to the casino boat, too.

We can go to the casino boat

And they have like sushi

On this bar

You can get sushi

Right there

How can you invite

Somebody out to dinner

And onto the casino boat

That you've never even

Met in your life

Because you sound sexy

You sound sassy

That's how I would say it

S-E-S-S-Y

You should write that down

That's how I

Describe your voice

Sassy

Would that be

In between sassy

And sexy

Yeah

It's a blend of the two

I like my woman

With a little sass

I think you've got me

Pretty good

Just by hearing my voice

Alright

Well look

I don't want to get you

In trouble with your husband

Because I know

You're probably getting

getting excited

and you're contemplating it

and that would be

a home record.

I've been good on that.

Okay, plenty of times.

Goodbye.

How about we set you up

for a job?

No, not really.

Well, thank you very much

for your time.

I appreciate it.

Okay.

Bye.

I think she would have

gone for it, dude.

It had to have been serious.

I agree.

I think she would have

gone for that.

Chuck, what are your

thoughts on that?

You think she probably,

I think if I called her back

or I would have really

gone down there.

I think I had a shot.

Sissy.

Sissy indeed.

Called back the sissy bitch

and see what's up

with her these days.

boyfriend or something if not hey that's what i'm saying right there right now no one's got to know

athena doesn't have to know she doesn't listen to this show she doesn't know no i'm kidding you're

crazy with the fucking stupid or something tuck come on fucking getting married you gotta get

serious here how when's my wedding may 30th right and it's december 12th it's 12 12 today

so i have i have 18 days plus five months i have five months and 18 no i got six months and 18

17 days. Wow, man.

How many days is that?

A lot of trouble you can get into in five months, brother.

I got about 200 days left.

I got about 200 days left, give or take five days.

Wow.

That's going to be...

Y'all was going to have a big old bachelor party?

I'm not going to do the whole big live show.

I wanted to go to Atlanta.

I mean, Andy's going to be there.

Milkman's going to be there.

Jen Stewart's coming, he said, for sure.

or he's getting ready to, you know, make sure he gets his tickets all taken care of.

I don't know.

It's going to be in Pennsylvania.

And Lego said he'd definitely help out, bring, you know, equipment if we wanted to do a live little setup.

I don't know how many Seneca people live out in Pennsylvania.

I was thinking, like, that'd be cool to go to Atlantic City.

I've never been to Atlantic City before.

That'd be cool, even if it was just me and, like, you know, a few of the guys,

like Andy and Milkman and Jen Stewart and anybody else.

Well, Tug, do you think you could show up to the wedding?

You'd definitely be invited.

I've got to get the invite list here by the end of the weekend, the final version.

Right.

I would love to come if I was invited.

Yeah, I'll get you the invite.

I've got to add some people.

Yeah, it's just if you can make it.

Or if you're able to go, I don't know.

Yeah, but, yeah, I don't know any ideas.

I think there's some Pennsylvania people up in here,

and I don't know how far is Atlantic City from, like, Philadelphia or whatever.

I don't know.

I don't know if it's in proximity to where people live out there and maybe we can make an event out of it.

I don't know.

I'd definitely pitch in.

I wouldn't be saying, you know, do this for me, do that for me.

It'd definitely be, you know, it'd be cool to do a show together, get a bunch of people together.

I'd definitely like to be part of it, be a satellite hookup or something.

Yeah.

Oh, for sure, yeah.

DTT's been saying for over a year now, when we do this, if we ever do it, that he wants to come.

And he's in Detroit, so he's going to have to make the trip.

You're going to have to make a trip to New Jersey or something, or Pennsylvania, I don't know.

I really think Atlantic City would be cool.

I'm just going to do it no matter what.

I'll go in with a few people.

Let me just go in with a few people.

DTT says

Philly. I've been thinking about that too.

Anyway. Make an event out of it.

Be a good

event in your history book.

Exactly.

It's supposed to be my only

bachelor party ever. Supposed to be.

In theory.

We'll see. We'll see. I'm kidding.

No. You're going to get me in trouble

over here, Tuck. Stop that.

that um let's play uh yourself in trouble i ain't helping you along man you're doing yourself

ellie says it's 60 miles atlantic city from philadelphia so that's like an hour and a highway

so or or less not bad i could do that that's cool atlantic city sounds fun or the bellagio

what else is out there i don't know gambling can you drink there is that is is atlantic city one

of those where if you drink you can drink for free as long as you're playing a casino game as

As long as you're at the table, you drink for free.

I got loaded.

I do that.

I'll go.

I don't know about Atlantic City.

I don't know either.

In Puerto Rico, they do.

Puerto Rico.

I know.

Chilica, you can.

Puerto Rico, they'll bring you all the drinks you want.

Beer, fucking mixed drinks, coffee, sandwiches, chips and shit.

They just come around.

So you want something, as long as you're playing, like, here you go.

Take care of you, papi.

Thank you.

There's casinos in Puerto Rico that shit.

Chilica is right down the border on the river.

The Riverboat Casino

Yeah

In Florida they send them out

It's legal

Here in Florida they do that too

They send them out

Here out to the international waters

Three miles I believe

They just have to go three miles off the coast

And they can do whatever they want

They have Sun Cruise Casino

They have old

Retired

Sean Ward is working on a cruise ship

He's working on a cruise ship

Is he entertaining on the cruise ship?

Did you hear about this?

No, what's he doing?

Yeah, entertaining.

He's opting out of winter, as he calls it.

And he's got on this cruise ship.

Wow, that's cool.

Good for Sean, man.

I hope he lays to something.

He's a very talented guy.

He did a show here with us.

That was fun.

Wow, when was that?

That was 2006.

That's going to be three years ago, bro.

Almost.

Sean was in the studio.

It's going to be three years in two months.

wow time goes by fast i can't believe i've been in this house how long i just moved into this this

uh this house when he came by yeah we need to do like a prank call or two here and call it a night

because i'm really tired like i said i uh every spare moment that i've had since last thursday

show ended has been studying for four finals including two in one day on tuesday that i had

had to do and i just finally got all that taken care of and i'm like on fumes right now i had a

coffee i bought i uh i i had a little bit of caffeine before the uh for the class see how

messed up i am before class before the show it's starting to wear off a little bit and if i take

any more caffeine now i'm not going to be able to sleep and i don't feel like working a friday

like half asleep no thank you um so let's move on here let's see what lonesome loser sent in if

If anything, we've got Disturbing the Peace, 24-hour towing service.

We also have Poof Films, Pancho Villa's Mexican food.

And as I said before, G.I. Joe's Rack and Rig, Yo-Yo's Bar, and The Sopranos Italian Restaurant.

Let's call it G.I. Joe's Rack and Rig.

I have no idea what Rack and Rig means or what it does, but we're about to find out here, ladies and gentlemen.

If you want to call in, you can, as long as the line is open.

While I'm doing a prank call, of course, you can't call in, because we only have one line here.

Fuck, what the hell?

Imagine that.

People, you'd be surprised how many times I keep trying to call in.

It's busy.

It's like, yeah, because I was doing a prank call.

Did you hear it?

Yeah, I was trying to call you during the prank call.

Think about what you're saying.

I was trying to call you during the prank call, and you weren't answering.

It's like, yes, that's right.

Very good.

Okay, so we'll be right back after this, folks.

We're calling G.I. Joe's, Rack and Rink.

Oh, you and your Indian congrats.

You didn't take the call.

It's one of your own calls.

What?

English, sir.

I don't think they're going to pick up, Tuck.

Who are you calling?

G.I. Joe's Rack and Rig, you know, whatever.

Let's call.

Rack and Rig?

Let's call Wear 2 Limo Service.

This is San Francisco, California, home of the San Francisco 49ers.

Limo!

Who am I calling?

Wear 2 Limo, San Francisco.

Yeah, this is the limo.

Do you have limo car machines?

Yes.

Where are you calling from?

from? I'm coming from San Francisco

with the airport machine. I need to be

picked up as soon as possible, and I

have a few requirements. I need

you to include, I need

several different styles of blue, long

sleeve, collared shirts.

Just about maybe four...

What the hell? Why is she not taking

my order, machine?

What?

Legitimate gripes, ma'am.

Hello, sir. To listen to your recorded

call, press 2.

Call back.

I can play with that shit out.

Starting.

Renew, renew, renew.

What a good God hell do you have a woman answering the phone who hung up the phone on me when I'm in a time of need.

What can I do for you?

This woman over there said mean things to me, hung up the phone, and called me a bad word just because I'm at...

Oh, maybe you got it coming, man.

No, I don't.

I need to get a limousine as soon as possible, please.

We don't have limousines.

What do you have there, then?

We don't have anything.

No, she said that she had a limousine, and she's asking for my information,

and then all of a sudden she changed the store

and when she figured out I'm disabled.

That's not fair, sir.

You'll have to call somebody who rents limousines.

We don't rent limousines.

Well, I have here papers that say that you do

and the woman said that she did before, good sir.

So you're lying to me then, sir?

I'm going to hang up, sir.

I haven't got time.

I'm going to sue you, you son of a bitch, you fucker.

Go ahead.

I'm going to go down there and push you down on the ground

and make you look like peanuts.

Hey, I'm going to come and kick your ass, too.

Why don't you try it?

I got a goddamn piece of French toast

says you're not gonna do shit piece of french toast what the fuck was that let's uh let's try

to give him a call back did you call the right number they hang up really weird i don't know

if i did or not i don't know let me check the logs weird let me look at the logs here let's

see what we did i got instant uh instant records here to who we called actually no i don't not in

What do you have evidence against you?

Let's see.

That was on something else.

And I got to select four cats.

Fins of records.

Future lawsuit down the pipe.

Dude, I'm covered.

Don't worry, man.

I'm safe.

I'm like a whistle.

No, sir, I'm confirming.

That was the same exact number.

We called them twice.

The first call lasted 55 seconds, and the second one, 1 minute and 28 seconds.

Yes, sir.

So that was not a Ms. Dial.

When she called up, she said, where's your limo, Chris?

Exactly.

See, those people, they hear a Hispanic man like me.

Doing a flim flam on you.

Most definitely, yes, sir.

I'll give a call later with the 305 spoof.

They won't even know it's coming.

All right.

Let's call Disturbing the Peace, 24-hour towing service.

24-hour towing service, Disturbing the Peace it is.

Fema.

Fuck a bum.

Will.

I try not to plagiarize anybody, but I have been listening to so many old Madhouse episodes that I refer to it as that damn server computer machine.

And my co-worker shot soda out of his nose.

It's funny to everybody.

That's funny, dude.

I recently had a moment where I was with some friends of ours.

A couple, friends of Athena's and stuff.

Married couple.

We're about to be married.

you know former roommates of athena and stuff like that i actually did like we're at mcdonald's

we had been out drinking and uh the dd was kind of he had had a few also not enough to be drunk

but he was just tired also it was kind of like oh geez and i i told him i was like hey just uh get

me uh i told him get get me uh uh number two with a diet coke machine and he actually said he goes

diet coke machine the one was like what and he's like what the hell did you have me say i actually

he did it in person

and he got kind of

embarrassed.

It's creepy

because you're alive now.

Yeah,

someone was calling

back over here.

We got a call back

here on the

Grand Central line.

We got a voicemail.

What does that mean

face things start

here on the show?

Oh,

is there something

strange like

origin

off of stage?

I'm not,

I'm not sure.

Hang on,

something's going on

with the

freaking computer now.

Hang on,

I'm sorry,

give me just a moment

because everything

just froze on me.

This is not good.

Come on.

Okay.

Come on, damn you.

There we go.

Okay, good.

We got a reaction.

What were you asking now, Tuck?

I'm sorry.

Where, damn it.

What were you?

The whole spaces and machine, did it originate here on the show or did it originate off stage?

Spaces?

Where did I get spaces from?

Spaces I made up on my own on the show.

I don't know where I got that from.

That was me and Madman, the guy that used to run our old IRC over at the PCU days,

Madman.

Yeah, me and him one day, we were here.

That was the day that we drank every last drop of alcohol in the house, me and him, between the two of us.

We had a case of beer, and I had like six or seven mix-and-match in the fridge in the vegetable crisper.

We downed those, and I had a bunch of gin.

There was no alcohol.

There was nothing but empty bottles all over the desk here and like on his desk and everything.

We did a show.

It was like four or five hours long one night.

It was like four in the morning.

We finished it, and I was drunk off my ass.

I was like, oh, my God.

So we came up with Spaces that day.

I don't know what it was.

We were like, how much are your Spaces, Liz?

I was like, what are you talking about?

I thought it was funny, and it's been a legend ever since.

And then Machine, I got that off of some sitcom.

I think it was Martin.

Martin Lawrence's sitcom back in the 90s.

They had a whole thing with the TV machine or something.

But it's very obscure.

Oh, really?

Yeah, but it's worked out for the best.

Machine and Spaces, yeah.

You made a good point.

Our next CD should be called How Much Are Your Spaces.

I agree.

definitely agree what what are those calls hang on now i gotta hear that what calls did we do

to that was about spaces like spaces calls weren't there i got them all logged up here

spaces let me look for that asian space here we go all right let's see what hollywood's got for us

asian spaces kfc spaces chicken spaces pizza spaces i need spaces empty spaces and chicken

spaces number two all right let's take a look here what would be good uh let's try kfc spaces

See what that's about.

It's on an external hard drive.

Take some minutes.

Hello, is this KFC?

Yes, it is.

I got bad treatment from, you ever heard of United Fried Chicken?

They're the most horrible, nastiest people there.

Have you heard of them?

Excuse me?

Have you ever heard of United Fried Chicken here in town?

They're the most nastiest, horrible people to me on the phone.

That's why I'm calling you.

I need to make an order for chicken spaces for 20 people.

Do you guys do, can I have them come in?

Do you have enough spaces for, I need chicken spaces.

As much as chicken spaces as possible

You want to place an order for 20 pieces?

20 people are coming in for chicken spaces

Okay

How much

How many

How many is that?

How many spaces come in the thing

In the box?

And we have the bucket

We have like 10 pieces

12 pieces

16

The bucket

Of how many?

16?

The bucket is from

10 to 16

How many spaces in there?

How many spaces is that?

How many

You mean pieces?

Spaces

Spaces. Spaces. How many spaces is that?

What? You mean spaces?

The chicken spaces? How many are in that bucket?

I don't understand what you're saying.

There's chicken. How many spaces go?

You eat the spaces, you know?

How many are spaces?

How many spaces meal?

Oh, God.

The chicken. You know how many chicken in that?

How much chicken spaces?

Shoot me spaces.

I'm not getting what you're saying.

How many pieces in the spaces go in the bucket?

I mean, it's pieces.

Spaces.

Do you have a chicken spaces?

I don't know, because I'm not understanding what you're saying.

What about, do you have a pink spaces?

Big spaces.

I don't know, because I don't understand what you're saying.

What's the other one?

Pizza spaces.

Let's check that out.

Hello?

Hello, do I have the right number?

Is this the pizza place?

Yes.

Okay, I'll pick up a delivery.

Oh, this is going to be for pickup.

Do you guys do pickup at this time?

Yes.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm going to make an order for two pizza spaces.

Spaces?

Two pizzas?

Spaces.

You want anything else?

Well, how many of the spaces?

How many come in the spaces for the pizza spaces?

How many?

No, you mean special?

Spaces.

What do you mean, spaces?

Pizza spaces.

I need to know how many come in the spaces thing.

That comes in the spaces, you know?

Okay, hold on one second.

Okay.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

What did she say?

I wanted space.

I need to know how many spaces come on the pizza thing.

And each one, each pizza, they need to have how many spaces coming in?

What are you talking about?

Do you have spaces of pizza?

No, no, no.

Slices?

Spaces.

What are you talking about spaces?

When I come in, I want four spaces of pizza.

No, you mean slice.

It's not space.

It's slice.

It's a space.

Space.

No, it's not.

It's a slice.

I came in the other day, and I said, I want two-piece, okay?

Uh-huh.

And she said, go to the bathroom.

And I said, no, no, no.

I want two-piece on the table, on the plate.

So then I said, the spaces instead.

Messing with me.

How many spaces come in the pizza?

How many spaces is it?

It's 16.

16 spaces?

No, matter of fact, eight.

Eight spaces?

Yeah.

so when i get so do you tell me how much is one large pizza with just with pepper

how many pieces spaces come in in the big one ace pieces okay charlie this better not be you

he's no charlie who is this then answer my question god damn you listen how many how many

I just told you.

How much is the one pizza?

How much it costs?

One topping, one large pizza.

How much?

It's $10.43.

I don't know.

Okay.

You have to learn English.

Now, how much is one space of pizza, a single space?

Oh, my God.

Pizza by the space.

Slice.

Pizza by the spice.

How much is it?

Say slice, not space.

Slice.

Thank you.

That's $1.50.

So 150, and the pizza has how many in how many slice?

I already told you, eight in the large and eight in the small.

So listen, if you take eight spaces and you make them by 150, it's 12.

But if I buy the one big pizza, then it's only 11, you say.

What?

He already, yeah, that one goes to him.

It's only 11, right?

Woman!

Pulling my leg.

Woman!

Charlie.

Listen, how much is the large pizza?

Charlie, I'm about to hang up.

It's not Charlie.

Listen to me, God damn it.

Yes, it is.

It's $11?

It's over.

Hello?

Woman!

Stupid woman!

All right, that's enough of that.

Shut up.

You're fucking...

Carlitos, what was that one with the white meat?

White pork?

What was it?

White steak.

I don't remember that one.

I remember the title.

I remember starting the call, but I don't remember what it was about.

Was that good white steak?

I'm sure it's up here.

Let's see.

Let me do a search here real quick for white steak.

I think I found it.

Wasn't it a restaurant we called, I guess?

I asked for white steak at a Jewish place or something.

Or it was a Pakistani restaurant of some sort.

The guy was arguing with me.

What was it?

Here we go.

White steak.

Three minutes, 24 seconds.

We'll only play part of it here.

Let's see what this is about.

How are you?

Shalom.

Shalom, shalom.

How are you?

Shalom, shalom.

All right, how are you?

Bein mashlum khaba.

Sedeh?

Shut the hell up.

What the fuck did I say?

Shalom, shalom.

Hang on.

How are you?

Shalom.

Shalom, shalom.

How are you?

All right, how are you?

Can I make an order, please?

Yes

Good deal

Can I get some white steak?

What?

I want some white steak

White steak?

Yeah

I think we have white steak

We have some kebab

Is it steak meats?

Huh?

Does it have steak meats inside the kebab?

We have lamb and beef and chicken

Do you have a number four?

What is it?

What's the number four over there today?

You got a number four special

Number four on what?

On the food menu, man

Oh, man, God dang it, the food menu, come on.

Yeah, yeah, on the main course.

Yeah, what's the number?

Yeah, the mixed grilled kebab.

The what?

The mixed, what?

Mixed grilled kebab.

So does it have a little white steak in it or not?

I keep asking you questions and you, you know, am I bothering you?

You want me to leave you alone?

You know, times are bad.

Times are bad.

You need to make business.

You better, you know, you better take advantage.

Who is this?

This is Jack Valente.

Jack Valente?

Jack Valente.

One second, please, okay?

Oh, God.

Pedro.

Who's the owner?

Does it get better yet?

How about the chicken?

We have chicken, we have lamb, we have cooked, like ground beef.

I know what chicken is.

I said white steak.

That chicken, you need that chicken?

No, white steak.

Do you have a pen, pen something right with?

Sir, if you want to play on the phone, we're business, sir, okay?

This is for business purposes, the phone.

Yeah, no wonder they didn't remember that.

That was kind of a, hey.

That was kind of, you know, not all the way, but, you know, it was all right.

It was, you know, whatever.

whatever if you like it you like it there guy

anyway I need to get to bed

I need sleep friends

normally this is where Milkman would say

yeah I need to take care of some shit downstairs

so let me thank everybody

here for listening tonight everyone who called

in Tuck well of course first of all Tuck

for being on you know appreciate that

thank you

tuckermike.com and what is it again

revolutuck.blogspot.com

that word

word to press dot com

Revolutuk.wordpress.com

This is why you gotta give your own drops, my friend.

Everyone, be sure to visit MadHouseLive.com

Also, be sure to stay tuned here

to SyndicateRadio.tv

Is there an Asian gentleman who's coming on next?

I don't think he's around tonight, is he?

No, he's not. I don't see

Psychic Chuck. I guess not.

Who's on next? Anybody? Let me know now.

I will announce it. Someone will come on.

That's what Scott Green says.

Someone will come on. Alright, so cool. There we go.

someone will come one awesome um syndicate radio.tv be sure to listen to zolar tomorrow night 9 p.m

eastern standard time preceded by dj butterface starting at seven or eight or something like

check it out he's got a good show good music good cameras good set up there good people

good times syndicate radio.tv that's that's their uh that's their new motto you know

keep that one i want to thank jonathan for calling in i want to thank uh reclude for

for holding down things for quite a while on the show.

And also Cyan Pranks for interviewing and doing that stuff.

DTT, I want to thank you for listening.

You get the gold star of the day.

Thank you, man.

Congratulations.

Gold star for DTT just for being himself,

just for being special.

We wish you couldn't get through.

Baz also was checking in on Mike tonight at some point.

Baz, let yourself be heard if you're around.

And yeah, Nunu also sent in a number.

He sent in the number for the Confederate lady.

That was pretty fun that Milkman did.

It was good to see Ellie around and all those other people

And of course Lonesome Loser couldn't do it without your homeboy

You're the man

Thank you for sending in numbers

We'll catch you Monday morning at 9pm Eastern Standard Time

That's our next live show

You're just walking in, you're late

You're late, you're late

There, fat fingers

We'll catch you next week

At 10pm Eastern Standard Time Thursday

And of course Monday morning

9am Eastern

Bye bye and take care, have a good weekend

This radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fucking penis!

Yes!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (17, 1 h 7 min of 2 h 26 min)

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