2008-12-26 Show

Charlie, what is it going to take to fix this for you?

What will make you feel better, Charlie?

Tell the lady.

I want a Wii.

You see, that's the only thing.

We don't have Wiis, sir.

And we won't do 40% off of a Wii.

I really don't know how many rings.

What's your name?

I really don't know how many rings you have, but how may I help you?

There were too many rings is the answer.

Who the fuck is this?

Who is this?

You're listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The motherfucking Prince!

All right, starting again here.

The leader on the mic.

Friday, December 26th.

It's one day after Christmas.

This is our first show since...

Wow, when was our last show?

December something or another.

Who's here with me?

Milkman's on mute.

Let me unmute Milkman.

Milkman has turned off his mic.

No Milkman.

Good.

I like it better when Milkman isn't talking

because he makes me angry at myself inside.

And I do bad stuff to myself after the show

because of how angry Milkman makes me.

No video feed for the time being.

The cameras have been damaged as a result of our last live show,

which is a week from yesterday.

A week ago yesterday was when it was.

It was what it was.

Am I able to talk about it?

No, not for the time being.

But if you go to madhouselive.com, you can get more synopsis as to what happened.

Well, I mean, I could tell you, basically.

I'm saving it for the next Thursday show, which will probably be on New Year's Day.

I expect to do a show on New Year's.

So watch out for that.

My mic is too hot.

that down a little bit there we go all righty then so if you want to call in today you can

if you're out there i don't even think there's many people listening we're not on syndicate

because i have uh some white women's on there dancing and making too much noise i hate that

stuff he's over there oh look at me look at me i'm dancing i'm dancing stupid i'm gonna play

music and dance that's much better than uh carlito doing prank calls lots of loser would uh said he'd

be around he'll try to check in with us soon on the line now we're going to put in hollywood

hollywood what's going on man waka waka waka woo it's good to hear from you bro

hear from you too merry christmas sir merry christmas thank you for welcoming me back i

appreciate that um i wanted to do a show last night but it just didn't work out didn't have

enough time to connect everything back up to uh up to snuff but um at least i'm trying to do

something now i don't have many numbers really what are you doing are you at work today or

What's up with you?

Yeah, I'm going to work.

Easy.

Yeah, I've got to work both places tonight, so.

Wow.

I went by, and I told you about this, but I went by a Blockbuster video yesterday,

and it was packed, like every single, like, I didn't go in,

but I drove by the one in my parents' hometown,

and, dude, every single parking space was taken.

I was like, wow.

People love running movies.

Yeah.

I worked, well, I worked Christmas Eve.

Right.

I'll tell you what, I opened, and holy crap, dude.

We did over $5,000 before noon, and we opened at $10,000.

Wow, and all those people are going to be returning to those movies, what, in three days, four days?

How do you guys do it over there?

Well, they just changed ours.

You need to rent it for one day or for five days.

They've changed prices and everything.

They're doing some kind of a beta test in our store, so it's crazy.

It makes more sense.

like i used to rent movies you know when uh in the 90s when i first said they first opened a

blockbuster in my town and i went i was like why would anybody want to rent a movie for four days

like i remember the first one i rented was home alone actually it was christmas and my dad says

go to the new blockbuster you know and this is like 1992 maybe i remember we rented it and we

had it for four days like dad i'm not used i mean you back then you know when you had the mom and

pop places you rented it for 20 you rented until 7 p.m the next day basically depending on when

And then if you got it on a Saturday, it was a bonus because Sunday you get to keep it,

and you just had to turn it in Monday.

So Saturday was always the busiest day because you got to keep the movie for an extra day.

And then Blockbuster came around.

I was like, but now it's commonplace.

You expect to be able to keep a movie for four days, I suppose.

Yep.

But much cheaper to do it for one day, which makes more sense.

I'm presuming, did you notice, were there a lot of people renting Blu-ray DVDs for the new Blu-ray players at all?

We actually sold quite a few Blu-ray players that day.

No kidding.

Wow.

Well, I told you we're selling consumer product stuff now, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, you did.

Yeah.

We sold three Wii's that day, three Wii bundles.

Wow.

A couple Blu-ray players.

We sold lots of Blu-ray actual CDs themselves.

Yeah.

DVDs, I mean.

Right, yeah.

I was suspecting people wanted to pick up on those,

especially the ones that just got one for Christmas,

a lot of PlayStation 3s.

Apparently the numbers are in, man,

and it's not good for the retail industry.

I think they said it was down 4.4%, I think, as a whole for Christmas.

None of the retail, electronics, luxury items, jewelry, everything went down.

Nothing went up.

And I think online sales went down 2%, as a matter of fact.

They were expecting that to actually grow, went down 2%.

So definitely a sign that we're, if there's any doubt, we definitely are in a recession.

I don't see how you can not think that we're in a recession, but there it is.

Whatever.

Well, let's see what I got here.

I need to go into the Lonesome Loser logs, because he's up, he's around, but he's not confirming it.

He'll probably join us here soon.

Send him a message to let him know.

Oh, also, I caught up the podcast, man.

Yeah, I'm actually editing down December 11th.

I've got all the rec loads done.

I'm working on the one that Mitch C called in on.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

I didn't notice you didn't have...

I guess, yeah, you didn't have those December 11th calls.

I didn't even notice that.

Cool, man.

Well, that's awesome.

Cool deal.

Once I get that caught up, I'll think,

to have everything else

cut up and ready to go

that are already up there.

Right.

Yeah, there's the neighbor

getting...

The neighbor's getting

dropped off in a taxi.

You know what happened

last night, huh?

I'm watching from here.

Yeah, someone got

a little liquored up

last night,

spent the night somewhere.

Interesting.

All right, well, um...

Office parties.

Yeah, I don't think

there were office parties

last night.

God, I hate office parties.

Did you have an office party

there where you work now

at the print machine?

No.

You don't do that stuff?

Good.

Good for you.

No.

Yeah.

Good for you.

Blockbuster,

where they give you

a 10 cent bonus

No, they actually gave us 30% off.

Oh, okay.

That's not bad.

Anything we bought, yeah.

Cool.

Alright, I gotta find the Lonesome Loser log here and see what we can find.

I'm thinking we need to call, do some returns.

Yeah.

You know, we gotta, we gotta return some equipment.

Like, good, uh, Best Buy, stuff like that.

You know they're packed right now.

People just flooding them.

Oh, yeah.

Because it's a Friday and it's the day after Christmas, you know.

Right.

I went to Walmart this morning on the way, and there was a huge line already at 5.30.

Oh, God.

Yeah, my mom's one of those.

She bought me a shirt that was too small.

I told her, Mom, you know, I don't fit in that size.

Why do you always buy them?

She said, Oh, well, it looks big.

It's like there's no such thing as a shirt looking big.

A 1X is a 1X.

You've got to get Carlito a 2X until he gets extra diabetic or something and loses some more weight.

I don't know.

I've been losing.

Listen, I've lost 13 pounds in the last three weeks.

I'm taking it slow, but I'm doing it.

I'm trying to lose a total of 30 by the wedding, which I doubt is going to happen.

That's on May 30th.

Yeah, cool.

All right, the Lonesome Loser Log is loading up here.

It takes a long time to load up.

It's an Excel spreadsheet.

I last updated it on April 10th of 2008.

And then I'm also going to pull up just Google Business Search, Google Maps.

Yeah, well, you know who you should call.

What's that?

Do you remember that guy that just wrote the book?

He kept hanging up on us.

I wrote the book.

The UFO guy?

No.

He was an old actor.

An old actor.

Yeah.

It was Timmy from Lassie.

Oh, yes.

That was that guy's name.

Remember, he kept hanging up on us.

Oh, he kept pressing buttons on us, too, remember?

He was like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, and he'd hang up.

Okay.

Do you remember his name?

Oh, what is his name?

It's not Tim.

Timmy was his character's name.

Yeah.

I know Nunu sent it to me.

Let me look in those logs here.

Well, Nunu's here.

Who was that, Nunu?

Yeah, Nunu's here.

That's right.

Nunu, let us know.

Nunu says I wear a fat bastard size.

Thank you, Nunu.

Appreciate that.

Much love for you.

In my time of sadness and need, he resorts to name-calling, as always.

A very professional Nunu.

I'm looking for the damn...

Not Provost.

Provost, right?

Yeah, it was a...

Provost, yeah.

Provost was the last name, I believe.

Let me get to his website, because he had something scheduled for January.

All right.

Right, okay.

And we can call from that.

I think I'd actually found, let me see if I can find that number.

You can do something else while I try to find this number.

How's that?

Yeah, I'm looking for numbers to call, period, here.

Let me see if I can find Provost.

There we go.

That's the Golden Kennel Club, dog.

The Golden Kennel Club?

The Golden Cow Palace, yeah.

And they're in San Francisco, California.

Let me get their phone number so we can spoof them.

And then we tell them, hey, man, we understand you're gay,

so we're going to have to cancel your show.

Yeah, John Provost is the guy, actually.

I got it here.

The guy from Lassie.

I don't have his phone number, though.

but Mimu's got to look for it.

He'll find it.

I'm sure he's got it there somewhere.

He's got a whole dossier on the guy.

I'm also going to look for Walmart here.

I'm going to fight their return policy.

I want to fight people's return policies, basically,

is what I'm really aiming to do.

Let me pull up maps.google.com.

And what city should we target?

What's earliest?

It's 8 o'clock in the morning on the West Coast still.

So I say we hit Seattle.

Aren't they being hit by a good snowstorm also?

Aren't they kind of frozen in?

Yeah, I think so.

All right.

Cool.

Cool. So let's go. Let's say we're going to zoom in on Seattle.

Wow. We've got the zoomed in and I'm going to look for Walmart near Seattle, Washington.

I spell Walmart, W-A-L-M-A-R-T. It's really it's supposed to have a star in the middle.

OK, here we go. And Renton, we got Renton, Washington on Rainier Avenue, Walmart.

And they have a low rating. They said the someone's rated them here on Google.

The interaction with assistant manager Sharon was quite possibly the worst experience I've ever had.

Awesome. So we should complain about sharing the assistant manager while we're at it.

Here's a review. Actually, look. Someone actually left this review on Google under this Walmart store.

This is how people get so into this. Look at this.

She gave me the wrong information, wasting 45 minutes of my time, and it tells me to click for more. I just don't feel about it.

Someone else says, shopping at this Walmart is a really bad experience.

Manager who I was dealing with was absolutely unaware of what was going on.

That was posted here last September.

All right, so let's call about Sharon and say that she refused to return something for something or another.

We'll make something up, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Let me find a...

Do you want to put your son in the background?

Yeah, you can.

Well, I'm thinking, what can I return?

What's something...

Like, I want to say that I want to do a ridiculous, you know, return request.

Something really small, like, hey, we need to return some candy.

Right, I want to return some candy, and I'm looking...

bar that was out of date. Right, and then if you

can give me a 30% discount on a Wii

and I will put the return on the candy

towards that.

And just see if they give me an

odds for 45% off so I'll keep it quiet.

They didn't sell me rancid candy

that could have killed my son.

I'm going to send you the phone number

for the Cow Palace where he's going to wear

what his name's going to be.

Okay, alright, cool. The actual phone number

I want to earn his pay ticket. Alright, cool.

I see that you sent me your

I think it's flashing my radar. Noon is working

Working at it also, so, all right.

That's where he's going to be visiting.

Okay, all right, all right.

Hang on, everybody.

Let's do that right back with the first call of the afternoon, or the morning, as it were.

Calling a Walmart.

Thank you for calling.

You're in Walmart.

Hello.

Hi, Celeste.

How can I help you?

Hello, ma'am.

How are you?

Good morning.

I have a problem.

I need to speak with whoever's over that manager, Sharon.

You know who Sharon is?

Yes.

Sharon refused a return on me

And she accused me of being a piece of trash

Who was over Sharon over there?

That would be the store manager

When was this today?

I'd rather not speak to entry level people at this point

Like you

Oh well there's no

I mean you're not speaking to an entry level person

But I could get you to see

Are you a manager?

What are you a team leader or something?

No I'm a department manager

Yeah I'm not looking for department man

I'm looking for someone more

Okay I'm not trying to speak to you at all

I'm trying to get you somebody to help

I'm asking you, was that today that you're referencing to?

Perhaps it was.

Okay, so one second.

You're just repeating the same information over and over.

Do you wear a pantsuit, or what do you wear?

Like your green vest or blue vest?

I got 38 minutes of phone card juice.

I got plenty.

I'll send you my number.

Do you have my number still?

I've got it somewhere, yeah.

I just charged it.

Hey, man, don't bring up charges, okay?

Thanks.

Appreciate it.

All right, well, we'll see if this picks up here anytime soon.

Let me do, sometimes I do a thing where I call back with the on hold still, and I'll say that it's taking too long.

Let me see if I can do that quick enough here.

Give me a moment, everybody.

This is Assistant Manager Elena. How can I help you?

This is who?

Assistant Manager Elena. How can I help you?

Are you okay? Because you answered, like, this is, or what's going on?

Is there drinking involved?

No, sir.

What were you up to?

Are you, I mean, are you qualified? Do you wear a blue vest, or what color?

We don't wear vests in our stores anymore, sir.

Oh, you don't?

There's nothing I can do to help you.

I'm from Maria.

No, we haven't for about a year.

Oh, well, excuse me.

I'm not an expert Walmart person.

All I know is that they have bad service.

That's all I know about.

That's my only expectation on Walmart is the bad service that they give.

Okay.

Is there something I can help you with, sir?

We bought some Christmas candy for my son, and it was expired.

It looks like it's on the date.

It says 2007.

So I don't know how this got in the cart and how it got purchased.

The next thing I know, my son hurt his mouth because it was so hard.

I came in, and I said I wanted to return it,

and this assistant manager like you, some person like you, came up to me and said,

oh, we don't have any proof, and you don't have this proof,

and you don't have the money, and you don't have the papers, and all this stuff.

So I said, plain and simple, either you give me a 40% off a Nintendo Wii

and put the candy money towards the credit on it, or I'm going to go to Bob Morton.

We don't do 40% off of anything for anything like that.

Hey, my mouth is bleeding again.

It's okay, honey.

We can definitely do a product liability, which goes to that manufacturer.

Or I can call Bob Morton and tell him the story.

I'm personal friends with Bob Morton on the TV.

And that's fine, sir. That's fine.

He'll come down there with a new screw.

He'll put you on TV, and they'll close the Walmart.

If that's what you'd like, sir, that's your right.

Your company, you've got some fly-by-night operation company there.

that's here one minute, gone the next,

and all it's going to take is one lawsuit to close the company down completely,

this fly-by-night operations store, as you call it,

whatever it is that you want to call it.

I'll tell Bob Morton.

He'll come down there with the TV crew,

and they have yellow neck stells and everything like that.

Okay, sir.

If that's what you'd like.

I can do a product liability claim, sir.

We don't make the products.

We just sell them.

That's what we do.

Well, no, but you sold it expired.

There's a date on it that said it's expired.

Like I said, we'll return it, but I'm not giving you 40% off a Nintendo Wii.

We don't do that.

That's not something we do.

I'll tell you what.

That's not something our company does.

You can keep the money for the candy if you just give us the 40% off the Wii.

We'll call it even.

We're not going to give you 40% off of a Wii, sir.

That's not going to be part of any deal.

All right, then I have a receipt here, and you're refusing to return.

You're refusing it, and I have a receipt.

No, I will return your candy, sir.

There's no problem with that.

I have no issue with that.

What about my kid and his mouth?

I will do a product liability, sir.

That's how we handle this.

Listen, Charlie, Charlie.

Charlie, what is it going to take to fix this for you?

What will make you feel better, Charlie?

Tell the lady.

I want a Wii.

You see, that's the only thing.

We don't have Wiis, sir, and we won't do 40% off of a Wii.

So that's the bottom line on that.

I'm sorry your son wants a Wii.

do you have the nintendo ds is that something else that you have there sure we will not do a deal

like that sir well i'm gonna tell bob morton and you're gonna lose your job they're gonna close the

store forever and ever and how many people work there they're gonna lose their jobs it's all

because of you you're a bad manager okay is there a man i can speak to is there a man you can speak

yeah because i'm not getting anywhere with you woman so i thought maybe a man you know i don't

think a man would do any different but all we have is female managers in the building that's

the problem there you go that's the problem right there okay that's the problem i'm sorry right so

is there anything else i can do for you you can let me know who's really in charge since i mean

who's the man the actual male that's there the alpha male who's the man the alpha male the man

the alpha male i said hold on a second please don't touch my wee wee let me get the music here

again you you talk as a kid the whole time now okay just say your daddy gave you the phone he

He went to use the bathroom.

Did you call me?

What was my name?

Charlie.

Charlie Stewart.

What's my dad's name?

I don't know.

You didn't give it, did you?

Charlie the First.

Oh, okay.

You're Charlie Junior.

Call me C.G.

This is taking too long.

I'll edit it down in post.

I'm hearing your music.

I don't think she has this on hold.

This is not fair.

There should be specific hold music.

Now she put it.

She was listening the whole time.

I'm getting ready to terminate the call here.

Can I terminate the call, please?

Alright, that didn't work.

How about we just have the kid call different Walmarts?

and and like haggle haggle for for a return okay tell him you got the nintendo wii you want to

return it for playstation 3 yeah all right cool let me see yeah my son needs to talk to you i

don't understand this stuff it's he he starts talking about this stuff it's a different language

you know how it is oh okay all right we're gonna call walmart in seattle straight up seattle like

downtown seattle they got a walmart thing beautiful going walmart seattle where it's now 8 22 a.m

the day after Christmas.

I have to do a redial.

Nothing but silence.

Maybe they got snowed in.

I think they did.

Could be.

Mm-hmm.

Ryan terminates the call, please.

All right, we'll try

Bermerton, Washington instead then.

Box.

Finally.

Mute.

Nope.

They've got two reviews

of that store, too.

Baseball gloves.

That's all it says.

That's a great review.

The familiar smiley face

representing the world's

largest retailer

stands for dependability.

What the heck?

Someone did a weird

review here.

They're talking

leaps and bounds of Walmart.

Okay.

Okay, who else can we call?

If we're having no luck with Walmart,

I got another Walmart in Linwood.

Who else can we call?

We said Best Buy, Circuit City.

They're going to be busy, too.

Best Buy are a bigger one.

Oh, yeah, they'll be real busy.

Let's try Best Buy.

They're so mean and asshole-ish over there sometimes.

We should ask for the Geek Squad.

Yeah.

Tell them I dropped the TV that I got for Christmas

and I needed to come return it.

You dropped the TV in the bathtub and it won't work now.

I was trying to install it in the bathroom

and it fell in the tub and it was turned on.

I was trying to put it over a saltwater fish tank, and it hurt the fish.

Two of them fried.

They're $100 fish.

Yeah, there we go.

They killed them.

Yeah, all right.

This one's in Seattle, Washington also.

Let's stay away from there because I think the phone lines to Seattle are cut or something.

So we're going to try Tukwila, Washington, Best Buy.

They're in a South Center Parkway plaza, it says here.

Let's do that right now, folks.

One moment, and let's play more music.

Home of the Geek Squad.

Yeah.

For store hours, press 1.

For directions, press 2.

To speak to a sales associate, press 3.

To speak to a geek squad agent, press 4.

Nerd squad.

Loser squad.

Come on.

I'm calling the cheek squad.

Who's that there?

Nerd squad.

They're not that busy.

Yeah, the geek squad can't be.

They're probably out there trying to sell monster cables.

Thank you for calling Best Buy and Tequila.

Hello?

This is Sammy.

Hello?

Shay, hi.

Is this that geek squad over there?

No, this is Sammy up at the help desk.

Big Sammy.

Hold on a second.

Is this Big Sammy?

Hey, Sammy, how you doing, old girl?

Hello.

I'm great.

How are you?

Put me through to that geek squad over there.

We got a big mess they caused, and I'm going to speak to someone right now.

I want to speak to a person.

All right.

Hold on a second.

I like calling girls big.

They always love that.

Samantha's a name for a fat girl, anyway.

Noonie wants us to call Sonny Landham.

Poor guy.

That old fuck.

Remember we called him, telling him we were going to have him die in a movie?

Yeah.

And he had just had quadruple bypass.

He had just had a quadruple bypass.

And I said, what did it sound like when you, you know, he's like,

I was like, yeah, that's it, that's what we're looking for, yeah.

He's like, we just want you to die in the first ten minutes of the movie of a heart attack.

He's like, and coincidentally enough is exactly what had happened to him a few weeks before.

Didn't die of it, but he had the thousand knives of fire, as I like to call it.

That's what Homer Simpson called it.

I got that from the Simpsons.

Homer Simpson is like, you ever had the feeling of a thousand knives of fire?

Like, yeah, I think you might want to go to a hospital, sir.

I'm all right.

Jesus.

Fucking geeks.

It'll ring to the front desk again eventually.

Yeah.

I wish I had more than two lines I could unite at the same time,

because I'd call another Best Buy.

If I had a Skype line, you can do up to, like, eight people at once.

Really?

Yeah, and my cell phone I can, too.

My cell phone, through T-Mobile, I can do up to eight parties at one time.

How'd you do it with those calls?

You didn't call them before.

You didn't have them by any means, did you?

Ted was calling in.

He had Skype, and so did...

Okay.

And then I would join people up, and then someone else would also.

Turberg had Skype also, so we could have up to, like, 17 people at one time.

We got up to 10 at one point.

We had 10 Walmarts on the line at one time.

Thank you for calling Tripoli Geek Squad.

This is Paul.

Is this the Geek Squad, sir?

Yes, it is.

Okay, first of all, do you know how many rings I counted before someone picked up?

It's preposterous.

How can I help you today?

Give me a guess how many rings I came through first.

How can I help...

Answer my question is how you can help.

How many rings did it take, do you think?

I really don't know how many rings.

What is your name?

I really don't know how many rings you have, but how may I help you?

There were too many rings is the answer.

Now, you people came in, and I asked you specifically to put the television in a certain space in my house,

in my bathroom space, and they refused to do it.

So on Christmas Day, I went, me and my son, we tried to put it up in the bathroom like we wanted.

It fell down because you people did a poor installation.

The hooks didn't hang on to the wall.

It fell down into a water, into the fish tank with the water inside of it, and now it's damaged.

And I need someone to come out here and pick it up and return a new one, bring it with them already.

I don't want any time lost.

Definitely, I understand.

So let me get you the phone number to basically our dispatch center because I don't do anything at home.

Well, wait a minute now.

What is your job there, sir?

What do you do?

Do you just give phone numbers out?

Are you a secretary?

Hey, Charlie, my son's on the line.

Hey, Charlie, get this.

Look at the secretary woman on the phone here giving us another number to call.

Sir, I'm going to hang up on you.

What does that mean, Daddy?

In about two seconds.

My son thinks you're a woman.

If he saw you, he'd think you're his mommy or something.

Hey, Charlie, Mommy's on the phone.

Listen to Mommy, that stupid bitch Mommy again trying not to do her job.

Why are you calling Daddy?

You always call her that, Daddy.

Sir, give me your ID number, please.

To place a call, press 1.

they know they take too long to answer the phone there

I call them out on it I'm like fuck you

one time I'm gonna you know on

in 1999 oh no it was in

2000 actually for Christmas oh 99

Christmas 99

my parents they asked me what do you want and I said

I want it was when CD burners were first

starting up they were just finally getting

affordable and I said mom get me a CD burner

she's like okay she goes to Best Buy

and she asked them for a CD burner and they talked her

into getting a hard drive instead

she had no idea so she gets a hard drive

So I call back the day after Christmas, and I'm, like, asking.

I'm just calling to see if they have any CD burners available so my mom can go and return it.

And it rings for, like, 20 times, and finally somebody picks up, and it's a guy who was standing around, like a shopper.

And he said, it's because some shopper picked it up.

Literally, it's like this redneck sounding guy.

I was like, yeah, I just got tired of hearing the phone ring, so I picked up the phone.

I was like, oh, shit, is it busy?

He's like, yeah, man, I'm just standing here to check out for a long time in the computer section,

and no one comes to help me, so I'm just going to answer the phone.

And all of a sudden I hear a guy saying, what are you doing back here?

Don't come back here.

Don't touch that.

And he got on the phone and he was angry at me.

So then I asked him the same.

I was like, how long does it take to answer the phone there?

And the guy, he's like, both of you, you know, both of you don't come down here.

You know, we're going to have you trespassed and this and that.

That was funny.

Yeah, but this guy, like, picked up the phone, and he went behind the little desk, you know,

and picked up the phone.

That's awesome, dude.

Yeah, I was like, dude, you're awesome.

You rock.

That's the best buy in Daytona Beach, as a matter of fact.

They're fucking assholes there.

Anyway, so we had fun with it.

Any other ideas of stuff we could do?

Well, Nunu's always saying call Sonny Landham.

All right, and I got his number here.

Nunu, Sonny Landham called for genocide against Arabs in July of 2008.

Referred to them as ragheads.

Wow, man.

Maybe we should be calling from Mitch McConnell's office.

We should be calling from the Arab Anti-Defamation League or something.

Alright, do we have Sonny Landham's number?

Nunu, you need to give me Landham's number here.

All I have... Oh, no, here we go.

Yeah, brand new number for Sonny Landham. Awesome.

Okay, you want to take that, Hollywood?

Sure.

Oh, man, I'm eating these Pringles.

They're extreme Pringles, smoking hot ranch.

They are so strong that my stomach just feels like ranch.

Feels like a big vat of...

Yeah, I don't eat stuff like that, but I got it for Christmas.

Yeah, anyway, here we go.

Sonny Landham, everybody.

If you don't know who he is, go to imdb.com.

Sponsor the next 10 minutes of the show.

Thank you, everybody.

All the phone lines crashed again.

I got a feeling that I'm being tracked still here.

I might be monitored right now.

Because every time this happened again, all the lines just went out.

Went out on us.

Hello?

Bullshit.

Now Fina's calling.

Oh, I want you to bring me lunch.

And that's not only bringing her lunch now.

Now I got to bring lunch for everybody in the damn place that she works at.

She had to open her mouth.

She's like, oh, where do you want me to go?

It's like, Wendy's is over here.

Okay, cool.

I can do that.

And they got Starbucks next door.

I was like, yeah, I know.

Starbucks is next door, right?

What do you want?

An iced coffee?

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden, you know, someone in the background is like, me too.

And he's just like, does anybody else want anything?

And they all start rattling off orders for coffee things.

Now I've got to go to Starbucks in the drive-thru and ask for like five different drink orders

and have them make it and put them all in a carrier.

And I've got to go next door to Wendy's now and take them lunch.

Great.

Just beautiful.

Damn it.

I've got to wait for her to call back with her order.

And we'll play some prank calls, you know.

Molly should be calling in also soon.

I'm here before 1.30.

Is that possible?

Uh, yeah, I guess I could do that.

Thank you.

Can I get there at 1.30? Would that be permissible? Or 1.20, 1.15-ish?

The sooner the better. You're doing this as a favor, please.

Alright, so what am I getting? Give me the order, please.

Okay, um, for me I want a large sugar-free iced coffee.

Large S.F. vanilla iced coffee, okay.

And a, um, I think it's either a number 5 or a number 6.

It's, um, like a grilled chicken sandwich combo.

Okay.

The phone's ringing.

Oh, my God.

Can I call your...

Oh, wait.

Okay.

Melissa, what do you want from McDonald's?

Melissa.

Double cheeseburger with only ketchup and pickles?

Mayonnaise, ketchup, and pickle.

She shouldn't be eating that.

She's going to get fat.

Medium fry.

Okay.

What else?

Andrea, do you want anything?

Number one.

Number one?

Yeah.

I'll give her number one.

Vanilla iced coffee.

Vanilla iced coffee?

Yeah.

Not sugar-free, I'm presuming?

Not sugar-free, no.

Of course.

Oh, I know who Andrea is.

She's that one.

Vanilla iced coffee.

Yeah.

Okay, what else?

What else?

All right.

So, large sugar-free vanilla iced coffee and a number five or six grilled chicken sandwich combo.

Double cheese with mayo, ketchup, and pickle, medium fry, and one vanilla iced coffee.

Number one.

And a number one, right.

Oh, a number one with and a vanilla iced coffee.

All right, is that it?

Yeah, that'll be it.

All right, well, pull up to the second window.

I'll have your total there.

All right.

Well, thank you so much.

I'll be there by 1.30.

Don't, okay?

Take it easy.

Okay.

All right, I expect cash when I get there.

Thank you.

All right, love you.

Bye.

Love you too, bye.

Everybody knows what they're going to eat now.

That Andrea girl who's getting the number one with the vanilla iced coffee,

she's a big girl.

Started the holiday party.

She needs to not be eating stuff like that.

I was going to tell her too.

I'm going to write it on a receipt.

You shouldn't eat this, fatty.

God, I hope those people never listen to this show.

Madhouse Radio.

It is Friday morning, the Friday after Christmas.

The day after Christmas day, actually.

According to my cell phone, there's a holiday today.

I don't know what it is.

St. Stephen's Day.

Who's St. Stephen?

I have no idea.

What are they celebrating?

I don't know either.

It sounds like a Canadian kind of faggy thing.

Happy St. Stephen's Day there, Hollywood.

How are you doing?

Happy Boxing Day.

Do you have any idea what St. Stephen's Day is?

My phone says today is St. Stephen's Day.

No idea.

I don't know.

We've got to look that up.

We've got to plug that into the Wikipedia.

Let me know.

Give me a synopsis on that.

All right, so I've got about an hour before I have to leave and pick up food for Athena's work.

Okay.

Oh, hey, check it out.

It's an Irish holiday.

It's an Irish holiday?

It's absolutely an Irish holiday.

Oh, so what do you...

The feast of St. Stephen's, the Christian Saints' Day,

celebrated on the 26th of December at Western Church,

and the 27th in Eastern Church.

Many Eastern Orthodox churches adhere to the Julian's calendar of St. Mark's Day

on 27th of December, according to the calendar,

which places it January 9th according to the Gregorian calendar

used in secular and Western context.

Okay, so...

St. Stephen's and the first Christian martyr or proto-martyr.

The first Christian martyr or proto-martyr.

What's a proto-martyr? I've heard it before.

Like protoplasm, but it's like from a ghost.

Yeah, but from a martyr.

Like the stuff that comes out of a martyr after they kill him,

like the gray matter from the brain and the blood and the pus

that comes out

yeah

the pus mostly

yeah

apparently

the

proto-martyr

is the term

for the first

Christian martyr

in the country

alternatively

the phrase

the proto-martyr

the first ever

martyr of the

Christian church

overall

was Saint Stephen

so apparently

he got killed

for being a saint

I don't know why

but we celebrate him

today

exactly

in Catalonia

it's called

Saint Esteve

and it's a holiday

but not in the

whole country of Spain

okay well good to know

there we go

Saint Stephen's Day

everybody

buddy we'll get drunk on irish whiskey so what were we doing there big hollywood did you want

to call another best buy we can switch over to sunny land and that's right that's right now let's

hope the phone lines don't jazz up again here on us give me just a moment everybody more music and

hopefully a prank call this time no interruptions from the fiancee we're calling from miami by the

way yes hello mr random yes hello my speaking this is a colleague what's your i'm with enran

The national relations were Arab nationals.

How are you today, sir?

If you're calling about money, I'm in bankruptcy court.

No, no, no, sir.

I'm not calling about money.

I just want to clear something up that you had said a while back.

I understand that you had referred to some of our people as cowhits.

Is that correct, sir?

That was a statement used, yes.

What about it?

You wanted to do genocide against the Arabs.

Is that correct, sir?

No.

No bombing the Arab, different Arab countries.

So basically what you're saying is you want to kill me, is it correct?

Are you an American citizen?

I have a green card, yes.

Do you believe in, do you support America?

Well, I must support America. I have to be here.

Well, then no.

I am talking about people that are...

You shut your mouth and let me listen.

Listen to me, Mr. Landon.

I am talking about...

Hey, I'm talking to, I'm talking to, will you shut up and listen?

Alright, then shut up and listen.

Shut your mouth. I talk first. I'm the bigger man here.

You listen to me, and I tell you what, I will listen to you when I'm done.

We on good ground for this? Hello?

We hear you, white devil.

Oh, yeah, he hung up. Yeah, let's call him back.

I got his pickup on the camera feed also.

That's Sonny Landon there, everybody, from Predator.

This is Monk. We're going to try to call him back.

Like, that guy's funny.

I'll spoof him from the 407 number now.

Landon, I have a Cali Mortimer on the line.

Can you control him?

One moment.

Yes, hello.

Why are you hung up on me?

You let me talk, okay?

All right, talk.

Okay.

I want you to know that what you have said about the Arabs are not correct.

All Arabs are not bad.

You understand this.

And you are saying you want to kill all Arabs.

Is that correct, sir?

That is not what I said.

Well, you call us right-heads, first off.

First off, first off, first off.

So do you let me talk first, and I'll listen to you.

Go ahead, then.

I'm talking right now.

Please be quiet.

So on July 23rd, okay, you said you want to perform genocide on all Arabs.

Is that correct, sir?

No, sir, it's not.

And you call them cowheads.

That is the exact statement that I see here.

And also, I want you to know that on September 29th, you were in a car accident, correct?

Beg your pardon?

A four-car accident.

Did you call this?

Did you call this accident?

What accident?

The accident on September 19th, 2006, is this your fault? Because you killed an Arab that day. And I want you to know also, I am going to be supporting the libertarian person named Mitch McConnell. I have talked to him this morning, and he has told me you are a very bad person. So I support him. What do you think about this?

I will not be voting for you. I will not be supporting you. I will not vote for you, and all Arabs, for what you have said, will not be voting for you either.

Okay, now you go.

I did not talk about American citizens.

I talked about Saudi Arabia, Syria, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan.

They are not our friends.

They're radicals.

There are some friends there.

There are people that like us, that like Americans.

No, they're not any citizens of that country that still live in those countries that are friends.

And they are the ones that were responsible for 9-11,

and they are responsible for an act of economic terrorism against this country.

So therefore, yes, we should have bombed them and war.

You want to kill innocent people that maybe didn't do anything.

Is this what you think?

It's the government.

You want to kill innocent people?

The government should have policies that don't endanger their citizens.

I understand.

You really want to kill everybody over there.

You want to wipe them out?

Just like they did in the Bible, right?

Uh, there's not, they don't, if they surrender, they don't have to be, uh, if they surrender, they don't have, they don't have to be, uh, wiped out.

Do you understand surrendering can basically mean you could die too in this country, in that country over there?

Do you understand this?

Do I understand what?

Do you understand surrendering that country to America could mean they could be killed on the spot if they found out?

No, surrender, surrender is not.

not. War is surrender or kill your enemy until they do surrender or until they no longer

exist. That's war.

You do not know anything about this, obviously. You've never been there. Have you been over

there before?

No, I have never traveled to the Middle East.

You talk about things you know nothing about. Is that correct? Is this where you're coming

from?

Well, there are a lot of things I know nothing about.

Have you been in war? Have you ever been in the war?

Yes.

You went to what war were you in?

I was in Korea and Vietnam.

Vietnam.

Korean War?

That was nothing.

Yeah.

Vietnam, I understand.

Korean War, you know what?

You know nothing about Korea.

Oh, all right.

You don't know what you're talking about.

So you do not know what you're talking about, about Arabs.

Therefore, you should not be saying these things.

Do you understand me, sir?

No, I understand.

It's a free country.

You're allowed to say what you want to say.

Okay.

But you understand that people get very, very angry, and they may come up to you,

and they may say, you know, we're not voting for you.

So it's a free country for you.

Is this a threat?

No, sir.

Sir, this is me threatening, saying, I'm not going to vote for you.

I will not vote for you.

Well, that's fine.

That's fine.

Okay.

That's fine.

I have a lot of Jewish people who will.

Well, you know what?

I have a lot of Americans who will.

And also one should know, sir, that I love you very much.

I want to tell you, I understand everything going on with your wife.

And I think this woman should be put in jail, put away, and everything should be dropped on you.

And, you know, I just, I don't know what I've done.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know where I'm going.

I love you, Sonny.

God bless you.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I didn't sneeze.

Well, God bless you.

Please forgive me.

And you have a happy holiday.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Mike, come to see me, please.

God bless you.

I didn't sneeze.

He's gone.

That was good.

Well, that guy's quite interesting, isn't he?

Did you hear that guy?

I'm telling you.

Geez.

Geez, all full of anger and piss and vinegar, man.

Well, not necessarily.

I mean, he's cool, but he does not like the Arab or grace.

He doesn't like, yeah, I wonder if he likes Persians.

There's a big difference, you know.

Yeah, you got to find out.

But, yeah, so he's running for Senate, apparently.

He completely changed.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, he did.

Yeah, he did.

I love you.

It's like, God bless you.

God bless you, son.

Like you're converted or something.

And so, yeah, apparently he's a Native American, not white, is what Nunu says, apparently.

Interesting.

Good to know.

I've read the entire transcripts of everything that's happened.

Right.

With the print, he and his ex-wife.

Dude, she is a freaking nut.

Oh, great.

Good for him.

That's what he deserves.

That was good.

Yeah.

Anyway.

So what has he done?

Hasn't he done, like, softcore porn that he won't admit to and all this stuff Nunu's told us in the past?

Nunu's done different stuff from the 70s.

Right.

Well, that was Sonny Landham from the movie Predator and a few other flicks.

What else has he been in?

48 Hours.

There's been a bunch of stuff he's been in.

All right, cool.

Cool, cool, cool.

Good call, good call.

Who else can we call in?

Do you want us to try and do that?

Which one?

Lassie?

John Provost?

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Yes, yes, we can do that.

I've got to get some more coffee here.

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere, anybody.

We're going to call the kid from Lassie, who's an old man now.

Hi, this is Charlie Stewart.

I'm with the San Francisco Cowboys.

Yes, sir.

You doing all right today?

Yes, and yourself?

I'm doing just wonderful. Did you have a good holiday?

Yes, oh, sure did. Thank you.

Good deal. Hey, I'm just calling to confirm, on the 24th and 25th, you are still going to be here?

Oh, yes, sir.

Okay. Now, we do have a couple different things that we would like to verify with you.

Is there anything specifically that you need, any kind of special needs that you might want?

The only thing, would it be able to have access to power?

Power.

How many plugs would you need?

Really just one.

Just one?

Okay, what would it be for?

What are we talking about, like just a laptop?

For a credit card machine.

Okay, yeah, we can get you that.

Are you going to need an analog phone line then, aren't you?

Correct, yes, that's right.

So we'll need to get you that as well.

All right, that should not be a problem.

We can just run.

Most of our phones are VOIP,

So I think I can probably get an analog phone line run just for this particular show.

We should pay for like a month, and we'll be able to take care of that.

That should not be a problem.

So power and other, any special food needs you'd like to have?

No, not really.

I'm sure there will be different vendors there in that kind of situation.

Right, but we'd like to provide you with everything that we can

so that you don't have to go away and pay for anything.

We'd like to provide you with all the food that you need and accommodations, of course.

Okay.

Special.

Yeah.

I really...

The sky's the limit, my friend.

Okay.

You are a VIP special guest.

Okay.

Let's see.

Geez.

Oh, just sandwiches, something like that, I guess.

Okay.

Well, is there any particular special kind of favorite sandwiches you enjoy, or...?

You know, like a turkey or, you know, just a...

Yeah, just a turkey.

Do you like everything on it?

Do you like all the good stuff?

Lettuce, tomato, pickle?

We're not big mayonnaise people.

No mayonnaise?

Mustard or mayo?

Is it mayo or just not mayonnaise?

Just no mayonnaise, you know, nothing like that.

You know, just regular mustard is fine.

Regular mustard, okay.

You guys like French?

Yeah.

Great.

Yeah, exactly.

Now, will you be bringing anybody with you as well?

My wife, Lori, right.

Your wife, okay, great.

Wonderful.

Lori, your wife.

Now, is there anything specific she would like?

No, I don't think so.

Okay.

It's pretty easy.

All right.

Well, wonderful deal.

Well, once again, my name is Charlie Stewart.

If you need to call me, I'm actually calling from an outside line.

Do you have a caller ID there and my 407 number?

I did, yeah.

It came in.

Yes, it did.

Great.

Okay.

Now, if you need me, that's going to actually be my new cell number.

So just call me anytime you need.

And also, would there be any special needs beyond just the food or the lodging that you might need?

I really don't think so.

Would you like any kind of special movies in your hotel room?

No, I don't think that's necessary.

Okay, because we can definitely have, we've had quite a few people that, and forgive me if I seem out of line, that enjoy to have the adult films in their hotel room.

So, I mean, forgive me if I seem out of line, but I like to try to get as, touch as many bases as possible so that you have the most comfortable stay while you're here.

Actually, no, that's fine. That's not necessary.

Okay. Because there's no particular, pornographic movies, I'm sorry?

There's no particular, is there anything specifically that you enjoy, like something in your room, like a coffee maker or anything like that?

Coffee makers are great.

You know, we like to have an iron ironing board, you know, that kind of thing.

Right, right.

Now, I can have you a special coffee maker in there just for you, okay?

It'll be something that is a special coffee maker.

Like, I can have an espresso maker put in there for you.

It's just, no, just my wife, I personally don't drink coffee.

My wife does, and she likes decaf.

So other than that, nothing coffee.

Okay, so decaf coffee.

Okay, that is very easily done.

You put the money in, you pull the thing, the...

Just in case, I can't get it off the phone here.

It is, I just got my phone today, I'm trying to, it's 407-459...

What, is that 459?

Yes, I believe, like I said, I just got my new phone today, and I've taken over for Carlito,

and I, do you have your caller ID there?

I just, for some reason, I can't remember the number off well.

Okay, I'll just check it.

I'll just check it and make sure.

And I would also like to just welcome you.

And I just, I grew up watching you on Lassie.

And, you know, I just think that you are one of the greatest actors of our time.

Oh, well, thank you.

And would it be at all possible for me to get an autograph when you get here?

Oh, sure.

Sure. Oh, no problem at all.

Great. Great. Okay.

All right. And have you ever possibly thought of doing adult films after?

Because I've got some friends that can get you into it.

And I know it's kind of on the side.

You know what I mean? It's very discreet.

Right. No, I'm not interested.

Okay. All right. Well, wonderful.

All right. They've actually got me into them.

And they have a bag over my head.

And so my face is never actually seen.

Is this a big joke or something?

What are we talking about here?

I'm just trying to possibly get, you know, further work for you.

Right, I'm not interested in that line of work.

Okay, all right.

Well, I'm sorry if I upset you.

It's just something I always ask of people that I feel very comfortable around.

I feel very comfortable around you, you know, possibly talking about being in, like, male porn.

Okay, listen, Charlie, you know, I don't know who you are or what the joke is, but...

I'm Charlie Stewart.

Have a nice day, sir. Thank you.

All right. I love you, buddy.

Dumbass finally figured it out

That's what he

He should have gone to say

Well what about just one on one

Kind of thing you know

Like what

That just

Not just a porno film

Interesting

Hang on let me play some music

Or I'll be right back sir

You boys up to no good again I see

The boys up to no good again

Same same on you

I wake up to my coffee

And say you boys playing on the telephone again

Have you not learned your lesson yet

And the phone lines died again

I wish you'd be coming back in in a second.

That was a fun call.

Hope you all enjoyed that.

We've talked to Sonny Landham, and we've talked to John Provost.

Good times, good times.

I was advised that...

You're talking to the celebrities, are you?

I'm going to check, see if I can go in Syndicate.

I do know that they had a show on, they said until 12.15.

I don't know if someone else takes over 12.15, or what exactly.

We'll have to find out.

We've got about an hour left of show.

Are you on Syndicate now, or are you just broadcasting through the Madhouse?

Yeah, just on Madhouse because there already was a show.

But hey, thanks for showing up, Tuck.

Good deal.

Yeah, I just woke up, man.

Sorry.

It's all right.

A little hungover and sipping my coffee and find out you're on.

Yeah, no, no.

Do not apologize.

It is the holidays.

You're allowed to get hungover and sleep in and all that stuff.

I'm in the mood for a hamburger.

I want a big, fat, greasy hamburger, I think.

Something I'm in the mood for today.

It's 11 o'clock.

It's not early.

It's noon over here.

It's lunchtime.

lunchtime lunchtime so how was your christmas tuck what'd you do had that family over and had

a little tree gathering and uh you know gift opening and uh food eating and uh yeah awesome

awesome cool cool did you get a new laptop yet are you gonna did you get broadband yet for

christmas tuck i wanted to let you know you of course you live you live in the sticks but i

wanted to let you know i was reading i was reading an article yesterday regarding uh universal

universal broadband and it is in full swing right now it's got the full support of the fcc as as

well as the support of congress senate as well as the support of the obama administration awesome

and uh that's good news oh obama's behind it well yeah well they're expecting if in the first phase

they could create 300 they can create 300 million jobs alone just in the process of um providing

that so it'll be free broadband internet to everybody in america no matter where you live

they have rural, whatever, if it's going to be wireless or through telephone lines

or whatever it is exactly.

That's going to be Obama's RFA.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, he's got a lot of ideas following Roosevelt quite a bit.

Well, you know, I mean, they're doing a lot of stuff, you know,

the public works stuff, you know, to improve infrastructure in schools.

I think it's a good thing.

I think it's smart.

If the kids don't know, RFA was the Reform Act Association that RFD set up

right during the Depression to get everybody back into the swing of things.

Right. And what's the public's work? Public works is for artists, right?

Give them work designing bridges and designing infrastructure, you know, in an artistic way.

Yeah.

Right. So that helped out also.

Build buildings and bridges and stuff.

Exactly, exactly. Put a lot of people to work.

So they're going to be working on our infrastructure that's been pretty much neglected for quite some time, for a few years now.

Goddamn Hollywood, call back in, man. We're losing time here.

five minutes left let me i'm gonna play a prank call here i love China yeah get somebody shut

down again exactly yeah help us out with that please we really need that this was this one

says Jack Masterson job discrimination Jack calls in to say he thinks he's being discriminated

against and was fired from his last job and he believes it was due to their negligence

sounds promising whether or not it's funny i don't know i can't guarantee we do a lot of

prank calls here this is from the uh show on the 15th two mondays ago uh he's i think he's

he's in he's in work so i don't think he can have his mic on but he's listening right now

he might uh maybe he'll call in on a break or something like that

merry christmas milk my man yeah i had a kid over here my milk my own christmas night

still waiting for this call to load up here listen to this folks

I've had a life-alert banter.

Actually, this is the music we were playing when you got unexpectedly blacked out on the last show.

We just thought your whole system went down.

Because you have video plug-in problems.

And we thought you went over.

But, you know, it's happened before.

And you didn't come back the next day.

knock at the door and that as i say is history hello i like to make an application for security

guard work i have a lot of experience okay do you have your d license i have a d license i have

experience providing security for retail when um ethnic people come in i know you know to sound

the secret alarm and we would do the code on the radio and we can watch them closely and young

people too because they you know they do stuff okay uh you can come to the office on monday

through thursday anytime between 9 a.m and 3 p.m and fill out an application what kind of

security work is this for retail in person uh this is power trade shows at the convention center

at the convention center that's great yeah i used to do you do you have the uh the uh the

closed door policy the closed door policy right that you know you not sure what that is where you

where you profile the guests and you give extra scrutiny for you know certain classifications of

guests i like to do that because i found it's more effective like when i worked at universal

Universal Studios in the store and then whenever I if I saw a group of black kids coming I would

always watch them a little you know we follow them a little bit okay yeah we don't do that

can do you want to transfer me now I'm going to put you on hold while I finished up with this

other man wait a minute now I came first he was actually here what's his name I'm not going to

give that out but if you want can you put him on the phone please because I think you're lying

if he's really there put him on the phone and then tell him to tell me okay I have to go you

better not I command you to keep the phone open I'm going to put you on hold hurry up

This is Wanda speaking. How may I help you?

Hey there. Yeah, I was just talking about the slavery days and the construction back then.

Hey, can I apply for a job for janitor maintenance machine, please?

Sure. I'm going to go ahead and put you through to our job hotline.

Just go ahead and listen to the entire message, and if you're still interested in the position,

leave your name and your number, and we'll get back to you.

Well, wait a minute. Hang on first. Is this in Orlando, or where is it at?

It's in Altamont Springs on Douglas Avenue. It's close to the intersection where 436 and I-4 is.

Do I have to touch the toilet?

Yes.

With my hands, or do you give the gloves first before I touch the toilet?

We have gloves.

Okay, because people make, they make shit in the toilet sometimes.

That's nasty.

They, you know, it comes, it goes on the sides and the pee, you know, the pee-pee and stuff.

Occupational hazard.

Yeah, but I use, if I use gloves and I use plenty of hand sanitizer, I should be okay.

I just like to, I just spray Lysol on the toilet and that's it.

I leave it alone.

I just spray Lysol on it.

It kills everything.

I mean, it still looks dirty, but at least it's, you know, it's not infected.

All right, hold on one second.

I'll get you to the hotline.

I like to cut corners and cheat.

Fuck.

Thank you for calling Assured.

This is Wanda speaking.

How may I help you?

Hey, Wanda, I just hit zero to get to take...

I don't want to listen to the message, but it transferred back to you.

So can I leave my information with you, then?

For the position?

Yeah, for the toilets.

You would have to leave a message in order to get somebody to return the call.

But whenever I hit zero, it transferred me back to you.

I'll try it again.

I'll hit zero when the message starts again.

No, you don't want to hit zero.

You just want to leave a message after you listen to the message.

Do I have to hit a button to leave the message?

Nope.

Just listen to the recording, and it'll beep, and then you leave your name and your number.

All right, Juana, put me through.

Make it so.

All right, thanks.

Thank you.

Engage.

I'm sorry.

Hello?

To place a call, that's one.

To listen to your recorded call.

Para Español, Marque el Cinco.

For your convenience, there are three ways to shop with us.

Visit our store.

Shop with us.

Please hold.

Shut up.

Thank you for calling South Center.

Yep.

Well, the Fire Dog, this is Courtney.

How can I help you?

Yep, yep.

Is this the Xero department?

Department. The zero department? I hit zero. Oh, this is the customer service. Oh, how you doing?

Good. I got a problem. This TVA, I need you guys to come pick it up so I can return it.

All right. How long ago did you purchase it? I opened it yesterday for Christmas and I dropped

it. All righty. Do you have your ticket number on you? No, no. All right. Your phone number you

purchased it with? My mom bought it. She's in Chicago already. Okay. So I have to be able

to look it up. So do you have a phone number that it was purchased under or a credit card

it was purchased with? It's a 26-inch Panasonic LCD plasma HD TV. Okay, so I can't send anybody

out there to pick it up without, like, a proof of purchase or anything. I got the box and the phone.

I got the foam in the box. Okay, do you have the phone number it was purchased with? There's a

phone number here for Panasonic. Hang on, let me look. In the papers, I got, it came with a book,

It says 1-800-726.

So you purchased it from Circuit City?

My mom got it from the store.

And she wrapped it with a bow and some string.

And then I opened it.

I picked it up to put it in the place, and it fell down.

It's defective.

Okay, hold on one moment.

Okay.

Bad news.

We're down to two minutes on the phone card.

I have to call back on Hollywood's.

With his permission.

And why didn't Hollywood call back?

Bastard.

Don't know.

What's wrong with him?

Dr. Gorilla asked, did I really spend any time at all in jail?

No, I wasn't actually in jail.

I was just detained at the police department.

I wasn't behind bars, but I was with police, being talked to very seriously.

I want to see how goofy I can get with these people and their returns.

Your balance is low.

Yep.

To add minutes using a...

Otherwise...

Two for the...

Phone card died, so let me go over to the other card.

...at your Orlando Police Department.

Oh, no, not that, man.

That ain't gonna happen.

Don't do that to me.

all right circuit city we're going to call them back everybody just a moment for those who missed

it i can play those calls i'm okay to do that i think i don't think i can get in trouble for

playing the calls what do you think tuck we should be all right to do that let's see here

oh we'll put them in here they're in the forums over at our website madhouse live.com

if i'm interrupting anybody in syndicate let me know i'll go right out um if someone is supposed

to be on now i was just doing a show already and i saw that uh syndicate was free and i

I decided to join in for a little while.

Yeah, Dancing White Girl was on earlier.

Uh-huh.

She's done with her show.

Dancing White Girl was on Friday mornings until 12.15.

Followed by, I don't know who else.

Someone else after that.

And did she dance?

Uh-huh.

She dances to music.

She goes...

She sits there.

She acts like a black...

She acts like a...

That's what...

Hey, wasn't it on Star Trek?

Did you watch much of the original Star Trek episodes?

Do you remember those?

Yeah.

Wasn't there one where Abraham Lincoln looked at the lieutenant of her and said,

What a fine negress.

Did that really happen?

I think I remember that happening.

What a fine negress.

Could be.

I'm going to look for that on YouTube.

I don't know.

I'm sure it's out there.

There was something where Abraham Lincoln was on the Enterprise and he was on the bridge.

It was more like a living color sketch.

I could be wrong.

Living color.

Price is fine.

May I help you?

How are you doing?

I'm good.

How can I help you?

I'm good.

Do you folks offer solutions or do you just offer referrals?

We offer referrals, but we don't.

We can't really offer.

I hear, it sounds like there's children, it sounds like there's children in the background.

What kind of place is this?

Okay, sir, can I help you?

Are there children in the background?

Sir, I'm in an office and I'm watching the TV, so that's really not the relevance.

Can I help you with anything?

I don't think so.

Are you one of those answering services where you answer from home and you're, like, taking

my information and there's children around looking at the information?

I heard a baby in the back of the room going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, crap is what does

it to me.

People like you bring those stupid kids to my job.

you tell those motherfuckers in the fucking background to shut the fuck up

and take down my information i'm the person i am why don't you call me a motherfucker

you motherfucker you do not call this you do not call this line and talk like that

as a matter of fact don't call back again i've got your phone number i've got your number i've

got two numbers that you just called from i'm gonna report them to the police i'm blocking

my number you don't have my number i'm blocking it you stupid bitch i'm blocking it i've got two

I have two of them. I have two of them. You called from one the first time and one from another.

You don't have shit. No, you don't. I'm blocking your number.

I'm going to have you fired.

We'll continue those in a moment.

Thank you for calling Circus City. Please hold.

Oh boy, I wonder what happens.

I'm from the Circus City home of the Fire.Jazz. I'm speaking. How may I help you?

I was speaking to, I don't think it was you. You're African American, right?

Yes, I am.

I think it was the white, who's the white girl back there?

Courtney.

Courtney hung up the phone on me when I said that they broke my TV.

She said the BS like that, and she hung up the phone.

Okay, one second.

All right.

Just want to confirm that this is a number that called, placed a call,

a violent call to a hotline earlier,

and we will be looking at the phone number, and we will further investigate.

Thank you.

Oh, no, violent call.

She said she's confirming it's the number that left the violent call.

This is the voicemail they left.

Yeah, it tells you you're in trouble.

Yep.

Rhonda, keep this in hold in the background.

Let me play call number four.

This is Hollywood calling the same place, anger management.

Hi, can I help you?

Yes, ma'am.

My name is Summer, and I just got an emergency call from my office line.

Okay.

I'm sorry?

I guess somebody called from there, something about a violent call.

Yes, yes.

Who is the person that, I'm sorry, first of all, is this your business?

Yes, ma'am.

This is your business.

This is my business.

And who is the person that's on the voicemail of your business?

Any idea who you're talking about, ma'am?

Okay, but I'm asking you, when I called the number and I left a message,

there's a male's voice that's answering.

Is that one of your coworkers or associates?

That is actually the company that we go through our voicemail for.

We pay them to do the voicemail.

The gentleman who answered and said, this is this name and this is,

I mean, that gentleman is just an answering service?

It's an answering service, yes, ma'am.

It's actually a voicemail answering service.

I don't know.

Okay.

I don't know.

Hold on a second.

I understand.

You can tell me that you don't understand.

It doesn't matter.

It's out of my hands now.

I've already reported the phone number.

If they investigate and I was incorrect, then so be it.

But it was my responsibility to report the phone number that I received an extremely hostile call from the mail

that actually is the same voice that answered that number.

And it was a hostile call.

It came from two different phone numbers.

That was the first phone number that it came from.

And he was extremely hostile.

I understand, and let me just tell you where I'm coming from so that way you know what it is

and then we'll hang up and then we can get past it.

I just got woken up knowing nothing that's going on.

Please do not yell at me, okay?

First off, I need you to...

Oh, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just...

No, you're yelling at me.

Okay, ma'am, I'm running a business myself here.

This is an emergency line.

So I just want to let you know that the number was reported.

If it was done incorrectly, I apologize, but that is the phone number that I received a call from.

What kind of business do you run, ma'am?

I'm sorry, I said this is an emergency line, and that doesn't matter.

You and I can't spend a lot of time discussing back and forth.

All I can say is I received a hostile call, and I reported it, and that's all I did,

and that's my responsibility.

Now, I'm receiving a hostile call too, ma'am.

No, I didn't.

I just left a voicemail letting you guys know that I did that,

and I needed to let you know that I reported the phone number.

I don't know where the organization is.

I don't know what your business is.

I don't know any of that.

I just know that that's where I received the call from.

We run a strip club.

So I was letting you know.

We run a strip club.

I'm sorry?

We run a strip club, and there's not hardly any people in here that are hostile

until they get really, really drunk.

It was a male's voice.

It was the same male that answered your voicemail.

So if that's an answering service, it's just a little weird that you're answering service,

the person who, it literally was the same voice.

That's very strange.

And I received, yeah, it is.

But the most strangest part is that I received a hostile call from somebody from this phone number.

And he was extremely hostile.

I mean extremely.

What exactly?

Very verbally abusive.

He cursed.

He called me a lot of names.

This is an emergency helpline.

I'm sorry?

What exactly did he say?

Ma'am, I don't talk like that, so I'm not going to say what he said.

Just disagree with me.

I need to know so I can write this down so I can get in touch with us.

He called me a mother effer.

He called me a B-word.

Don't use that word on me, ma'am.

How dare you?

I said abbreviate.

I did say that is not the word, ma'am.

Don't use those words on me, ma'am.

Okay, ma'am, I'm sorry, but I think you, I did not use it.

No, that is so wrong.

I think you're trying to put me in trouble.

You could have said MF.

No.

Bye-bye now, ma'am.

You could have said MF.

I think you're just, I'm going to call and report you now.

There's no reason.

Now I'm calling to report you.

I'm going to report you now that there's a fake now calling.

You're reporting me?

Yes, because you were doing the same thing.

Bye-bye now.

Bye-bye.

How dare you.

How dare you indeed.

And that's where it all started.

After that, our phone line, the phone line here got re-routed to 911 in reverse fashion.

There's been a bit of a Rocky voice going on there, didn't he?

Who?

Rocky?

Rocky voice.

Who?

Who did?

Vanya.

Did he really?

I don't know.

Like Sylvester Stallone, like Ayo kind of thing?

Or did he sound like...

Bullwinkle, Rocky.

Oh, Bullwinkle, Bullwinkle.

Oh, yeah, kind of, right?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

What else can we do here?

I'm thinking about wrapping it up.

Hollywood is still in the house.

He may call back in.

I'm not sure.

Probably not necessary.

I think I'm going to wrap things up.

Let me play a little bit more music.

For those who missed it, that was the whole thing that sparked off the whole other thing.

Circuit City didn't answer.

They kept me on hold forever.

Nothing came out of that.

Let's see if we have any more numbers here.

Loser and Loser is still out.

He is AFK, as they say.

I think we've done enough.

Milkman says, Courtney needs to be fired.

That worthless piece of corny shit.

Yeah, you got a point.

Damn her.

Milkman, what's up?

What's up, Hermanito?

Merry Christmas.

How are you, man?

Hey, man.

Merry Christmas, dude.

Man, I'm glad to hear you back, dude.

It's been a rough freaking two weeks, man.

No kidding, man.

When you heard from Athena, I know you were pretty worried.

You were one of those.

I was like, what the fuck's going on?

I was freaking out, man.

Yeah.

I didn't know what to do, man.

I didn't know, like, that they were going to be coming, you know,

trying to track me down, what the hell was going on.

I was flipping out.

I didn't know what to think.

Yeah, I don't know if I should have played that audio.

I'm pretty sure that it'll be okay.

I mean, there's not a lot of people listening live.

I just want to include it on the podcast.

Okay, okay.

Well, I just heard that, and, you know,

and without getting into too many details,

I think Courtney needs to be fucking fired.

Right.

Right, Courtney, huh?

Yeah.

But, seriously, I can't, I really can't talk about the case.

It's best not to.

I was advised by several people here

that I speak to on a personal basis

best not to

at least for maybe this time next year

maybe next Christmas

I'll spill the beans on the entire thing that happened

but everything's okay, no charges against me

nothing like that, nothing on my permanent record

as they say

all good man

well you want to abide by whatever requirements they put on you

because you don't want to go back

and have them start drumming up a bunch of shit

later on

buy it now, just ease up bro

I mean, that's the main thing we've got to look at.

Right.

Hollywood's asking, should he take the audio down?

You know, it might be a good thing to take those pranks off the forums, right?

They're still up there, aren't they?

I think we should go ahead and just take them off the forums.

It'd be a shame.

Keep the post in there.

Keep the thread, but just delete out the player, you know, the actual link to the file

so people can't hear it.

And keep just the response.

The only other thing I could think of, you know, unless somebody would rename them or something,

but, you know, unless somebody goes and tests all the links out, that'd be the only problem.

Right.

All right, well, Hollywood says no problem.

He'll remove the audio, so we'll take care of that.

We just want to make sure we don't, you know, I haven't really paid attention to that.

Just think playing that over, you know, probably not the best of things to do.

But no one's really listening right now.

It's a big deal.

It's all good.

Yeah, but it was quite an interesting tale.

I hope to be able to share it with you maybe in the next few months,

maybe before the wedding I'll do that.

All right, dude.

Yeah, I'd really like to get the full lowdown, man.

I only got, you know, the briefest part of it.

Anyway, I'm just glad it's okay and nothing more will come out of it than, you know,

a few days

down time

awesome

also wanted to

mention

dude we got a

big year coming

up in 2009

because we're

going to have

the wedding

of course

everyone who's

listening now

or listening to

this on a

replay or

whatever it

may be

keep in mind

that in May

we're going to

lose probably

about two weeks

of show

there's not going

to be a show

for about two

or three weeks

as I'm on

at the wedding

and honeymoon

and all that

stuff and when

I come back

and we'll see

when I come back

it's too early

but probably

about we'll

probably be

taking a summer

break in

late May

early June

but I was talking to Dr. Lego

and we're totally ready

we're probably going to do a show in Atlantic City

and I'm going to try to see if I can get some of the syndicate people

maybe to do a meet up

and I'll do a show

Lego said he'll bring his equipment

he's got laptops and a few mics and remote equipment

he's done it before

and I'll do the same

I'll bring my laptops and I'll bring my mic and my mixer

and we'll see if we can do some pranks

like live

is this during the time of the wedding

or just well after that

it'll be the weekend before the wedding

and it'll be the Bachelor show, I would say.

Carlito's Bachelor show.

And then after that, Andy's going to be there.

You'll be there maybe.

Hopefully you can make it that early.

And we're going to go to Atlantic City

and do some gambling and have some fun.

Andy's totally for it.

Andy's already got the whole week off.

He's starting that weekend.

We're going to do that show

and then we're going to do the whole wedding and all that.

I'm going to have to pencil that in, bro.

Yeah, I talked to...

Hey, I got a voicemail.

You know who finally called me back?

Jen Stewart.

Jen Stewart?

How the hell is he doing, man?

He's doing good.

He was drinking Sambuca

And he said that he's 90% certain he's going to come for the wedding.

He was drinking what?

He was drinking Sambuca rum, that Italian nasty, I hate, vodka, that Italian vodka.

Sambuca's nasty.

I can't smell it.

It makes me wretch when I smell it.

It's a nasty vodka.

How come you didn't want to drink it?

Oh, my God.

Yeah, well, he was drinking a little bit.

It was pretty funny.

I won't play it because it's a personal voicemail, but he's definitely going to make it for the wedding, he said.

And I want everyone to be sure because we're now hosting his website on our servers.

and I don't know if you

for those who listen to the Madhouse stream

the 98.6 amount station

Jin and I have combined

forces so our entire library

both of them so you've got the Madhouse pranks

the Madhouse shows and now you have Jin Stewart

pranks and shows on the Madhouse

rotation and it's funny dude

he's got funny stuff he argues

with foreigners a lot he's in England

so everyone be sure to visit JinStewart.com

he's also going to be doing a show on Sunday

at 7pm GMT

what is that on

here in our time?

Any idea?

No, it's five hours.

So it'll be 2 p.m.?

Yeah, 2 p.m.

All right, so he's going to do a show

on 2 p.m. on Sunday.

Eastern time, 2 p.m. Eastern time.

Eastern time, right, on Sunday,

7 p.m. in the U.K.,

which is where he broadcasts from.

He's in the U.K.

Jin Stewart, J-I-N-S-T-E-W-A-R-T.

I believe he's definitely going to be

on TED Stream, the PCU station,

or if not, he'll be on mine.

I'll have to get him the instructions

and make sure it's set up to work properly after what's happened.

So, regardless, he'll be in.

That's awesome, dude.

Yeah, well, he said he's committed.

He's definitely going to do a show.

It's not PCU anymore.

It's Blue Planet.

It's Blue Planet Pranks.

Is that what it is?

Blue Planet Hosting or something.

Blue Planet Hosting Pranks Web, Ted.

That's what it is.

Dot TV.

Yeah, Milkman, I was just wrapping things up.

BluePlanetHosting.us.

All right, dude.

I just wanted to call in and just welcome you back.

Cool.

I'm glad to know.

But, you know, you are able to once again tickle our ear balls all around this planet.

Right, right, right.

And hopefully that will stay behind us and look forward to a good year coming up, man.

We'll just have to be careful a little bit.

Yeah, I'm sure we'll fly under the radar for a little bit, but we're going to keep doing shows.

As I said, I updated all the podcasts.

There's two episodes left that are updated.

I just have to flip the switch to put them on iTunes and all that.

So I'll do that after the show here.

I'm going to wrap things up because I have to make some trips.

Oh, look, here we go.

Reclude calls just got posted.

Now I'm going to play some of those, too.

Milkman, are you listening to the station right now?

Are you tuned in?

Yeah, awesome.

All right, cool.

Well, let's cut off, and I'll play one or two calls from Reclude, and we'll call it a day.

All right, brother.

Hey, man, I want to thank everybody for tuning in and for our reunion show here

and look forward to a lot more excitement coming up in the next year, man.

Right on.

We love you.

All right, brother.

See you, man.

All right, that's Milkman, everybody.

Good deal.

Let's play.

This one here is called Do I Creep You Out?

This is a very funny call Reclude did to a gas station.

A lot of good stuff coming from Reclude lately.

We had the calls.

The Richie Randall stuff has been good.

We had a good time with the Junkyard recently on Thanksgiving.

This call here, do I creep you out, is good also.

Right.

And Reclude even...

It's amazing the Reclude's calling that you pulled off.

Yeah.

I know.

Reclude does a good job.

He does the whole thing where he sounds like a serial killer

and is trying to get a date with a girl in a gas station

is by herself creepy is she creeped out or is she turned on by reclude you be the judge just a moment

listen to this folks buddy i went down there earlier and then somebody just ran off with my

gaze can okay somebody ran off with my gaze can down there i don't know what to do do you know

what time you're here you you gotta help me i was here about three hours ago tried to fill up my

my gas can and somebody done run off with it. I don't know whatever to do. I'm not even

from town. Hello? Yeah, um. Hello, how can you help me? Somebody done run off with my

gas can. I don't know whatever to do. I'm not even from town. I can't call the police.

I don't know the number. I don't want to get the police involved either. I'm from out of

town and somebody ran off with my gas can. Hello? Yeah, um. I hear loud music. I hear

There's loud music in the background.

Oh, you guys got, maybe I can just get some food instead.

I'm kind of hungry because I'm traveling cross-country,

so I was wondering if you'd just maybe give me a discount on a sandwich.

Then we can call it even.

I could out of something in the, our warmer.

Oh, yeah, your warmer?

What is it, is it, what kind of delicacies do you provide?

There is, like, hot dogs and...

Oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ.

So what's going down?

Now, I think I'll be down there in a few.

Can you put some of them hot dogs aside for me?

Yeah, I can do that.

That kind of makes me a little riled up talking about that that way.

So, yes, I can do that for you.

Am I making you uneasy at all?

No, not really.

Am I always making you a little creeped out a little bit?

Because I kind of sense it.

I have that sixth sense that some people got, and I can kind of sense it.

But that's okay.

Okay, I creep a lot of people out, and there's probably reasons that I do that I shouldn't talk.

But anyway, I've said too much.

So, hi, how are you doing tonight?

I'm doing just fine.

Sweet.

How late are you guys open down there?

11 o'clock.

11 o'clock, that's great.

So, I've pretty much got like an hour to get there.

Right.

About an hour to get there.

You're going to be there all night?

How long does it take you to clean up the place after you close?

Usually an hour.

Sweet.

That'll work out perfectly.

So, that's great.

Great. Do you guys sell any of the over-the-counter black beauty pills?

No.

Energy pills or drinks, or what do you guys got down there?

Yeah, we have energy drinks here.

So you guys have a pantry? What does that mean?

It's just like a, um, there's just different things we've got.

Oh, that's great. You sure seem talkative. That's real nice. I like that a lot.

That's really great. That agrees with me. I really like that. Yeah.

So yeah, but I can do that for you if you want, if you like.

That's great. I'll be, I'm telling you, I'll be down. I'm not even joking. I'll be down.

Okay.

So, uh, if you guys close at 11, you'll be off at midnight?

That's great. Perfect. Are there any bars around that I can maybe take you to one?

Um, not here.

That's fine. So how long do we have to drive?

What's that beeping? Does that mean...

Holy Jesus. Listen, how far is the nearest car I can take you to?

I'm just wherever...

Okay. Well, I got a pretty decent car, so I figured we'd save on gas.

Just navigate for me, and I won't drink. You can drink all you want to. I'll buy you the drinks.

Hey.

You got a really nice Midwestern accent. I don't have the same accent. I'm from a little more south.

I'll be right down, baby.

Doing kind of great.

Gave me some of them delicacies.

I could do that.

Oh, that's great. You have anybody else working there with you right now?

No, I don't.

perfect. That'll work out great. It sounds like it's a perfect night. It sounds like

it's a perfect night in this town. Hello? I better get going so I can get some stuff

done. That's fine. I mean, you can, I'll just wait. I'll be down, I'll just wait and then

take care of it from there. That's fine. What do you like to drink? What do you like to

drink? What's your favorite drink? Is that anything? It's fine. So you drink beers or

vodka or whiskey or what do you prefer? It doesn't matter. Cool. Do you party? A little

little bit yes that's great i mean it's just shaping up to be the perfect night shaping up

to be the perfect night i mean i've never seen a night so perfect in a long time especially since

i've been through tennessee and i don't even live there i just kind of go through there every now

and then right that's why that's the last place i stopped at where the last encounter but it was

a beautiful night then too i don't know if it's as perfect as this one but it was pretty good

That's great. That's fine. I mean, are there many policemen in this town?

A few, yes, but not very many.

That's good. That's even more perfect. This just keeps getting better and better.

You're saying all the right things, sweet. Are you Italian, honey?

No.

Well, that's good. That's actually better. Are you part German?

Right, because I come from the motherland myself through relatives.

I'm not even talking about the Jews either. I'm not really worried about them too much.

Well, fine, I think we've discussed everything we need to discuss,

and now just take a plan of action.

So I'll be down there a little bit,

and I can get maybe directions to the bar ahead of time

so I can plan out everything.

And maybe I'll just drive it a couple times

and just make sure I know the way.

You know what I mean?

It's a lot easier that way, I think.

That'll make things go a lot smoother.

Right.

That's great.

Well, I like your voice, and I appreciate you talking to me.

Okay.

Really cool.

So I guess that wraps it up for now.

but then, you know, about 15 minutes you'll see me,

and then pretty much we'll just go from there.

Okay.

All right.

See you then, darling.

All right.

Bye.

We should.

Oh, my God, that's fucking crazy.

I don't know if, like, I mean, dude,

it seemed like she was, like, half turned on by that shit or something.

That is a weird call.

I could not make her uncomfortable.

I'll let you know, the consensus,

everyone was going crazy about it in the chat room,

and half the crowd is reporting to me they think she's turned on,

they think she's down.

Jesus Christ, you were telling me her favorite drink and her nationality,

and I mean, what the fuck?

But the other half, she sounded kind of scared sometimes,

almost like she's like, yeah, I'm here alone.

I know, and she was so like, that was like the beastest fucking call ever.

I'm trying to act like a serial killer, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah, you creeped Zolar out and Dr. Lego, which is pretty epic right there in itself.

That's pretty fucking great.

I'm glad I creeped you fuckers out.

Yeah, that was great.

That was good.

All right, that was reclude, reclude.

I got an announcement to make here.

Tuck, I'm going to turn on that bass a little bit.

That's much better.

Tuck, you there?

Hey, Tuck, what do you think about Eastern Time today?

Second show.

Second show of the day, 3 to 5 p.m.

Eastern Time.

What do you mean?

I'm going to go out.

Are you going to do this again, Eastern time?

I'll tell you, this afternoon, I'm going to go out now.

I'm going to get Athena and her staff lunch.

As I said, I would pick it up for them.

And I'm going to run some errands real quick.

And then I'm going to come back.

And at 3 p.m. Eastern, we'll start a show again.

And we'll do it until 5.

I think Syndicate's taken at that time.

Yeah, we'll do another show.

I feel like it.

Maybe by then, Lonesome Loser will be around, and we'll get some numbers.

Maybe I'll get an international card.

and I will do some pranks to the UK, let's say, or something like that.

It'll be nice and late at that point.

It'll be 8 p.m., 9 p.m. in the UK.

Nice afternoon show for that one.

Well, let's do it.

Come on, man.

Come on.

What do you think?

Come on, guys.

Rally around here.

That's what the radio guys used to do.

We can do live prank calls this afternoon.

Let's do it.

This is what they used to do.

They used to do the East Coast version for the East Coast.

Right.

Take a couple hours off, do a lot of things,

things and do the exact same show for the west coast right and then after that you know who's

on after that four hours later big zolar zolar vision zolar party nation on tonight

yeah we can maybe do be awesome we could open for zolar i was totally i would totally give

syndicate if syndicate was free i'd go on until zolar starts at one

yeah can you imagine an epic six hour madhouse show that'd be something three to nine p.m i'd

I'd do it, motherfucker.

I'd do it.

We'd take two breaks in it.

Mandatory two breaks.

The union, Tuck, I mean, you're in a union.

You're in a union.

We have to because of Tuck.

I would tell my grandchildren that this does happen.

This fucking union that Tuck's in, you know, voting all the time.

You know how expensive it is for me to hire Tuck to be here on days like this as the number two chair?

It's very expensive sometimes because Milkman can only call in.

Milkman is in the number two chair, but he's not talking.

Okay, so Tuck effectively is acting as number two in absentium for Milkman.

So good work, Tuck.

I'm actually in number four chair.

Technically, I'm in number four chair.

Milkman is in the number two chair all the time because he shits in his chair.

I shit in the number two chair a whole heck of a lot.

Milkman's so nasty, he spits on the floor all the time.

Like at his house, it's normal for him to hock a loogie.

He'll spit on the floor, on the carpet.

It doesn't matter.

He doesn't clean it.

It's very disgusting.

Those Chinese people do that a lot.

lot my dad told me he worked in massachusetts at a at a factory or something he worked in

in worcester mass he worked in a in a factory for about six months and he said there were chinese

people there and these two hot gloogies on the floor of the factory floor while people were

working he just spit right on the floor in front of everybody it was fucking nasty and disgusting

sick people they spit a lot those people that's how they get like you know stuff can spread that

way like hepatitis and the aids mouth aids all right so we'll give it another shot this afternoon

and tuck if you're up for it i'll be here i'm thinking we'll start at three or something like

that and maybe go all the way to nine probably not start drinking early too well maybe we'll

go until maybe maybe we'll go until dj butterface if no one comes on after you know five we could

do it until dj butterface comes on he comes on at seven i could do that for sure four hour show

might be more understandable we'll see right let's see let's see what happens if not then we

gotta we gotta respect the existing schedules and group of people there and there's no one in

in there right now i'm on there now but no one's in there telling me who's on it you know friday

i don't know these things i don't remember evil art is in there he doesn't talk that big fat fuck

let's call him he don't know anyway he never paid attention he's a little bit of a son of a jerk

sometimes evil already is he made nasty messes over here farting into the into the chairs man

i'm not kidding he was actually farting into the chair i was like dude you know what you're not

coming over again i got his number here somewhere there's hollywood's there's milkman again milkman

the in-laws, my cell phone

Athena's number, the house

the cell phone

yeah I gotcha

there we go, this should be him

come on piggy

yeah piggy, we all know that you're not in class

cause you flunked out, give me a call back when you can

it's your boy Carlito

you know the numbers

and answer the phone when I call you next time

piggy, we all know that you're not in class

cause you flunked out

give me a call back when you can

it's your boy Carlito

You know the numbers.

And answer the phone when I call you next time.

If you are satisfied with your message, press 1 to disagree on...

When cell phones first started, I had Airtel.

Was it Airtel?

We talked about it once.

It took me a long time to remember what was the name of my first cell phone company.

Oh, yeah.

Aerial.

Aerial Communications.

That's what it was.

But when you left a message on the Aerial network, if you marked it as urgent,

my phone would beep like crazy.

It would go beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

so um my dad had a habit of always doing that as a joke to me when i was at work um one time i

didn't have my cell phone on silent it's before cell phone etiquette was you know well known i

mean we're talking about 1997 1998 and my uh he called and left an urgent message and it's like

i'm in an office i'm like dude dad what the fuck chill out with it yeah that doesn't happen

anymore then i just it moves it to the top so i guess we're not gonna know what time uh someone

Who else could we call?

Let's call Jonathan.

I'm going to go through the Rolodex here.

Who can I call?

Hey, Carlito.

Hey, man.

Hey, Carlito.

Jonathan just played in my bus.

Should I call Athena's parents?

No.

They don't know about this show.

I know.

Are you crazy?

Hey, what's going on there, father-in-law?

Can I call your dad?

He's Greek.

He'd be like, hey, Carlos, do not.

He's a cool dude, but he's not a bullshitter.

He'd be like, he's a very intimidating Greek man.

Love the family and everything, but man.

Yeah, really.

My future father-in-law is one intimidating dude, but a good dude.

Hello.

Hey, Jonathan.

Hey, Carlito, what's up?

Hey, man, we're on the air right now.

I wanted to call you, wish you a Merry Christmas.

Oh, Merry Christmas.

Yeah, how's everything?

What you doing right now?

You at work?

No, I'm at home.

Oh, good, good.

How was your Christmas?

Did you have a good Christmas?

Oh, yeah, I got a lot of good stuff.

Cool, cool.

Was it you that was thinking about getting, like, microphones and stuff like that?

Like, computer equipment?

Or was that someone else?

I think it was someone else, right?

That was me.

Yeah, that was me.

Oh, did you get, like, a microphone or something?

I'm supposed to pick that stuff up today.

Oh, cool.

Awesome, dude.

Awesome.

See, you should start doing a show on Syndicate or something.

It'd be nice.

Hey, speaking of which, do you know the schedule on Syndicate?

Is Emmy Rose on today?

How does your friends with her?

What do you know about Syndicate on Fridays?

Emmy Rose comes on about 3 o'clock.

Okay.

All right, and after her, is it Butterface that goes on?

Yeah, Butterface and Zohar.

Butterface at 7?

Yes.

Is Emmy Rose for sure doing a show today?

Because I was thinking about doing a four-hour show.

But if Emmy's going to be on, I've got to respect that, of course.

I don't know, is she in town?

Have you heard that she might not be making it because of the holiday or anything like that?

She'll be making it.

She was on yesterday.

Okay, cool, then she'll be on.

All right, so perhaps I'll do a show only on my station from 3 to 7 or something.

I don't know, we'll see.

Or 3 to 9 might be good, yeah.

Hey, speaking of which, I heard what happened last week.

Right.

I'm glad that you're back.

Yeah, thank you.

I want to thank you.

Yeah, you were quite worried about it.

Yes, you left a voicemail, but things were, like, so touchy-feely at that point that I couldn't, you know,

I could only talk to a few people in private and had to stay quiet.

But I want to thank you for your support because you were concerned and you did call in a few times

and you messaged me and I didn't get the real chance to answer you.

It was really hectic, but, yeah, man, everything worked out just fine.

It's like nothing happened, to be honest with you.

And did I give you your computers back?

Yeah, I'm on them right now, actually.

That's good.

Got everything back.

Everything's working 100%.

We didn't lose anything.

They didn't search anything.

They didn't even touch them.

They just had them there in a corner, and they just said, just take this shit.

We don't need it.

We don't care.

You know, this lady's wasting our time kind of thing.

So, yeah, everything should be okay.

They don't know anything about Madhouse Live or Syndicate Radio or anything like that.

They don't know about the show or the podcast or anything.

So, we're safe.

We're okay.

I just can't talk about it too much.

Like what actually happened in the case.

Just got to keep it private.

But we all know the outcome that nothing happened.

And I actually played the calls.

We're taking them off the website.

Alright, so hey man, just thanks.

We're just wondering who was on Syndicate today.

And maybe if Butterface calls in sick, maybe we'll do a show instead.

At that time at 7.

Or maybe we'll join up at 7.

We'll see.

Alrighty.

Alright, homie.

Well, you have a good one and a happy new year if I don't talk to you.

Alrighty.

Alright, see you now.

Alright, bye-bye.

That's Jonathan, everybody.

I was giving Jonathan a special holiday call.

You gotta love this music.

This makes you think of Snoopy where he goes,

or when they go loo-loo-loo, then they just point up really weird.

Like, loo-loo-loo.

Yeah.

It's not sure if it's called loo-loo.

It's called Radio Station.

Oh, that station's busy.

I was gonna make a request for loo-loo-loo.

You know that song that goes loo-loo-loo-loo-loo?

No.

You know the loo-loo-loo song?

There's gotta be a station.

There's a station in every town that just plays Christmas music.

music maybe we'll do that this afternoon i'm gonna write that down and put on the big board

on the big board i know that's too obscure all right kids quiet quiet down over there

lou lou carly brown song request okay cool it's called lulu all right cool so that's on deck here

for when we come back putting it on the big board right now i should have my video working in time

also for that show later today so you got all that to look forward to there we go push pins work

Worked good.

Awesome deal.

We're wrapping it up for now.

We'll be back later tonight, hopefully, this afternoon.

Look out.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck, you fucking penis, yes!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (19, 56 min of 1 h 50 min)

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