2009-01-29 Show

It means jerk-off in Greek.

That's not a big deal.

Jerk-off.

Okay, well, what do you want?

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

You motherfucking prick!

You motherfucker, you.

Hey, everybody, good evening.

This is Madhouse Radio, and I am live.

Hey.

Video feed down once again due to audio problems.

We sacrificed the video for good audio.

Our priority always here in the show is audio

I have too much bass

Eliminating bass

I have not enough bass

There we go, let's test this out

Saxophone

There we go, alright

A little bit of treble there, a little bit of medium right there

There we go, that sounds better, that's more like it

That sounds like me

There we go, alright, hey everybody

Madhouse Radio is here tonight, we are live

It is January 29th

A Thursday

Thursday the 29th, used to be my favorite night of the week

not anymore well yeah i guess yeah all right i don't want to make you guys feel bad because we

do this thursday night thing it's still my favorite night of the week i always enjoy getting

like three hours of sleep after the show so i can go to work the next morning and nothing like that

for the last three and a half years with me here tonight so far is uh tuck big tuck took a mic

program mike tucker maximum tuck also known as the talk oh my god make a look a high make a honey

I can hear your voice, but I can't hear any of the audio.

You're not hearing the sound effects that I'm doing.

Alright, well let me see if I can fix that.

Let's see.

There we go.

Maybe that works.

How's that sound?

Does that work now?

There we go.

Good.

Now we got stuff.

Good deal.

Figured that out.

Oh my God.

Now, I wanted to mention out here, our good friend Evil Shuley is mentioning that phrase

praise banchu uh that we had a lot of yeah buddy um uh today i got an indian or a hindu i should

say whatever they call them he teaches my wi-fi class and um the kid that sits next to me he

wanted to get his attention he doesn't know his name you know it's like mr patel or something i

don't know so he asked me hey do you know the professor's name he said you know the professor's

name yeah that's mr banchu i had to stop him i could he was about to go hey mr he had his hand

up already and he took the breath to say hey mr banchu and i said no no no no hang on don't say

that i don't know his name let me look at the syllabus hang on i gave him the cop my copy of

the syllabus and he got the name off of it i don't know my teacher's names i i never i don't

i think out of all of my last uh two terms in college i don't remember any of their name

maybe one of their names

I don't ever pay attention

to what I go

that they teach me

I don't know

if I need to know their name

it's because I have to email them

and I have no need

I have no need or desire

to email my professors

I don't need that kind of direction

I can handle myself

I run that class man

I run my classes

I could teach the class better

than so called professors can

what happened to the

nice American professor

I don't mean to offend you

but out of my four classes

this year

two of them are by Indians

Indians I mean there's nothing wrong with that but what where are we at this point where technical

classes that I take um are having to be taught from the outside world it happens a lot apparently

uh I see a lot of pharmacists or foreigners uh you don't see the classic American you know

pharmacists India back from India you know what I mean as far as like outsourcing and uh uh uh

technical uh uh uh helpfulness man well I mean I'm not talking bad about them I'm talking bad

about us i mean that's all power to the indians you know and uh you know from the people from

that region the punjab i'm talking about us yeah i'm talking about time to give us work again yeah

we need it's a kick in the ass it's not their fault yeah don't get mad if you go to the pharmacy

and your prescription is being filled by you know dr patel because dr patel it's not his fault that

on the American side of things.

I don't mind Dr. Patel

filling in my pills.

No offense, guys, but really,

there are so many Dr. Patels.

I challenge you to look in your local phone book

if they even exist anymore, or Google your hometown

and put in Dr. Patel.

I challenge Luthor to have a whole Dr. Patel night.

We could have a Dr. Patel show.

I swear to God, we could.

Every other doctor who's from India

is named Dr. Patel.

It's a funny thing.

Luthor now has an assignment.

my mom was in a hospital last year

last January as a matter of fact

and I was in there and I saw this Indian doctor

and I told Athena half joking around

I said I bet you that's Dr. Patel

she's like oh Carlos come on

and sure enough about 5 minutes later

we're leaving the elevator

Athena went out to smoke a cigarette

and we're on our way back to my mom's room

and we hear over the intercom system

Dr. Patel, Dr. Patel, room XXX

Dr. Patel

it's like I told you the fucker

they're all named Dr. Patel

We had a conversation on one of our Monday shows.

Mr. Gonzales.

Well, yeah, you remember we called the Cuban restaurant,

and I asked the guy, Eric, and I said,

Eric Fernandez?

He's like, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I know you.

Good guess.

Of course.

But then I kept asking for...

Of course he's there.

Who am I asking for?

He's always there.

I'm asking for Gonzales and Enrique.

No, what was I saying?

I kept asking for, like, Lopez and Gonzales or something.

They got kind of upset.

Those are the Cuban restaurant calls.

I remember that one.

Ladies and gentlemen who are listening,

Ladies and gentlemen of the audience, I want to let you know I got a notification today by email from Spoof Card.

This is breaking news, Tuck.

I did share this with you before.

We have breaking news from Spoof Card.

Fortunately, they have scheduled maintenance from 12 midnight tonight, Eastern Standard Time, until 7 a.m.

So basically, we have about an hour and 37 minutes until it says, it doesn't say for sure, the calls won't work.

But it says, you know, expect trouble making calls.

So we may end up doing a short show tonight.

the international card

ready to go.

Right.

Well, yes,

international card

would be good.

I don't have one of those yet.

Still don't have one of those.

But Lonesome Losers

in the house,

I think, you know,

maybe that's a sign.

Let's get to those

American calls early

and fast and quickly.

We have a lot of listeners

here checking out.

We've got some news articles.

We'll just save the news

for the last, you know,

then whatever.

We'll go ahead

and we'll play a few bits

or something,

some old pranks

or we'll just call it a night.

I don't care, you know.

An extra hour of sleep for me.

Maybe I'll play some

Phil Henry's or something.

all right so if you want to reach me here tonight you can my website is madhouse live.com it would

should be on your screen somewhere at some point eventually again that's madhouse live.com uh you

can also reach me on aol and yahoo instant messengers madhouse radio is the screen name

again madhouse radio if you're listening and you're also on aol or yahoo instant messenger

and also if you're on msn messenger which apparently means you're from uh from europe

or something. No Americans really

use MSN Messenger. A lot of foreigners.

That's all I get from there. Nothing wrong with you guys

as long as you speak English

and you're, you know, like Brock said,

if you're for freedom, if you

like freedom, if you want the taste of freedom, we will

Why is ICQ all Russian?

I don't know. Yeah.

I haven't been on ICQ

I don't know, since the 9th.

That's still September 10th to me.

I don't know. I only have like one ICQ

friend and every other weird

random

Random hit is a Russian...

Spam kind of thing, I guess.

There's one that logs in.

I have an ICQ from Madhouse Radio.

I don't even know.

If anybody out there has an ICQ, I'll tell you what it is.

I always log into it.

Maybe not.

Actually, I think I took it off the rotation finally.

I used to have an ICQ number that I used to log into.

And I think with this last reinstall of XP that I did about a month ago,

I finally stopped connecting to it.

So never mind.

Actually, no, it does say I have an ICQ here.

Look at that.

Interesting.

I'll get that number.

I doubt anybody.

If anybody out there has an ICQ, let us know.

We'll give you five madhouse dollars if you promote us on there to the Russians.

I can actually type in English.

You get a bonus.

Yeah.

I want to say a big what's up to everybody who's listening tonight.

Of course, new news in the house, Lonesome Loser was in the house for a moment there.

I lost him.

Whoa.

I'm sure he'll be back here confirming away.

Kokanee, douche is back.

Douche, make yourself green.

You have the ability.

We've proven that.

Get with our good friend Evil Artie, and he'll teach you how to make yourself green in the chat room,

and you can leave us alone.

That'd be nice.

Trish the Dish is here as well.

Assorted Others.

Andy, Andy who is mentioning about the Magic.

Did the Magic win tonight?

Who did we play tonight?

Cleveland?

The game's over by now, I think, right?

Andy, report to me.

Let me know what happened tonight in the Magic game.

Cleveland over the Magic.

Please tell me now.

We lost the big game to the Celtics, unfortunately, last week.

I was here live when that happened

And we also lost Siena

So we're moving back up here

We're still doing good

We didn't lose any place

Still first in our division

And I believe we're second or third in the conference

You know what I mean

I'm rambling, this isn't prank calls

I don't have numbers, that's why I'm rambling

No, no idea what you're talking about

Yeah, yeah, yeah

You don't play sports, they're icky, aren't they

Anyway, let me play this here real quick

While I get a prank call already up on the board

so Trish is Brandon's wife

I thought they were familiar

when I click Windows Media Player

it brings me to another window that says

radio and doesn't open windows

I click on where it says launch to manhouse player

and the audio comes in choppy

choppiness problem

let me know if I'm over modulated

or the music is too high

I'll try to work on that

check your buffer

Taron LM says it better be fucking good today

do not disappoint me

well it's tonight there Mr. Foreigner and MSN

as you have proven well

well magic up 17 in the fourth lebron crying like a bitch wow so the game isn't over yet let me turn

that on real quick are you saying that we were up 17 in the fourth at one point lebron crying like

a bitch what is he crying for what's wrong with lebron man he's he's all just lebron james that's

something about him he hasn't really done anything exceptional for me like lately i haven't been

impressed with mr james he's got to step it up a notch he's got to do something he's got to get

into some scandal he's got to like start fighting dogs or something like that man get into it um

I'm just going to go a couple of words to ask her.

Do something.

Yeah.

What else do celebrities get?

Oh, the porno tape, of course.

You know, we do the whole thing with Rotisserie Wallace,

always with the porno tape.

It's always funny to do, too.

Cuban Restaurant is the name of that prank call that I was talking.

That's a series of five.

I'm going to guess number three is where I might start asking for random Hispanic names,

and one of them actually hit.

Who's this?

Eric's speaking.

Eric, are you this big, great man?

Yep.

Are you the big, great manager that everyone's saying they're going to put me through to,

and then they just hang up on me on purpose?

They're probably putting it on hold.

I was on the other line.

That's probably what happened.

Well, how come you answered the phone so quick now?

Because I knew there was somebody on hold for me.

Well, maybe you should, you know, answer the call in the order they're received.

What's the code over there for people to get good service?

What do I have to do?

Do I have to be a Hispanic man in order to get proper service there?

I had a question about the meat, the cut of the meat, sir.

Cutting the meat.

Okay.

Okay, now I was saying, I was telling Gonzalez, that guy Gonzalez picked up the phone, you know who I'm talking about?

Some Puerto Rican, I don't know, some Puerto Gonzalez, Rodriguez, something like that.

I told him that when I go to Rodriguez's place, they cut the meat really soft for me because I have sensitive, I have like soft teeth.

And he said, well, I have to find out.

And I said, well, if not, I need a bowl of mashed potatoes.

He said, oh, I don't do mashed potatoes.

We don't have mashed potatoes here.

That's not fair.

You're supposed to have a vegetarian option, soft version of something for people who have sensitive teeth like myself and the elderly.

Well, you're asking if you want to order something?

I want to order soft food.

But Gonzales...

Okay, we have there's...

I don't know what you're talking about.

We don't have no Gonzales there.

I don't know his name.

If you want to order something, we have our menu.

Just go ahead and order.

Hermano, Hermano, Hermano, listen.

Do you hear me?

What I was asking, because I have sensitive teeth,

is if maybe, do you have someone there

who could chew the meat for me

and put it in my mouth like a baby bird?

Do you do?

No, it's...

Can I help you?

Hi, I called just a minute ago.

I'm sorry?

I called just a minute ago.

Can you give me the meat for the Chinese restaurant?

The what?

The Chinese restaurant.

I wouldn't know.

Is this the Cuban bistro?

Yes, it is.

I was talking to Gonzalez there earlier

and he hung up on me, and then Eric hung up on me, and then Hector hung up on me.

There's no Hector or Gonzales. We have an Eric.

You know, you Puerto Ricans don't know how to...

Excuse me?

You Puerto Ricans, sir.

Well, I'm not Puerto Rican, and we're not a Puerto Rican restaurant.

Dude, it's the Cuban Bistro. You're a bunch of Puerto Ricans over there.

Can I speak...

I have business with that Eric Feller.

If you could put that Eric in...

He's actually unavailable right now.

Where's Rodriguez at?

Exactly. Where's Rodriguez at?

Go put Roddy on.

Tell him. Tell him. You tell him.

You tell him that it's Jack Valencia

on the line and he needs to take this call.

Do you know? Hey, you want me to tell you the truth?

You know he hasn't paid the rent there in two months?

That you guys haven't paid the rent there in two months?

Did you know that? I know that. You know why? Because I own the

fucking building. That's why. Go put Eric

on the line. It's a moment. Alright, thank you.

Nah, you fucking mugbell.

I thought you were calling the other one back.

Hey, Gonzales.

Okay, this is a live call to the same place.

Revisiting the Cuban restaurant.

Let's talk about Rodriguez.

Hey, can I speak with Rodriguez, please?

Yes, master.

This is Valente, old friend.

We got old business to settle.

I need to speak to Rodriguez as soon as possible, please.

One second.

Is Gonzalez there?

All right, we're going to get to the bottom of this.

Speaking with Eric Rodriguez.

Eric Rodriguez is the manager there.

And he's not Puerto Rican.

Magic win, 99-88 over the Cleveland Cavaliers.

I believe that is their third in a row.

Oh, my God, yay.

Good for them.

Good work, boys.

Look at Dwight Hire.

He doesn't even have a jersey on.

He's got the black Adidas thing.

What's that about?

What do you want, Milkman?

Milkman's here, everybody, for those who care.

All you Milkman fans.

This is taking too long.

Let's go back.

Hey, man.

Let's, uh...

How we doing, everybody?

How are you, crazy Ashman?

How's yours, all you syndicators?

How's it going?

You're sounding much better there, Mr. Man Milk.

It's a funny thing.

Milkman, I saved you in my new phone.

My new G1, dude.

It's awesome, bro.

It's the most awesomest phone ever awesomed.

I'm not breaking up, am I?

No, you sound good.

A little loud, but that's okay.

We're used to it.

Hey, man, I saved you in my phone as a contact, and it comes up as man milk, man comma milk.

So whenever you call me, it says man milk calling.

It's really, really funny.

They saw it at work today, and they made fun of me.

They think I'm a gay.

thank you appreciate it wow awesome hey i got somebody i got somebody here man you want to

say hi to no no really who do you got a special guest speaker no no yeah say hi carlito i am

who is that who is that yeah or do i know this person can you hear it can you hear it yeah

all right milkman that's kind of creepy you let me know anyway yeah you're listening and

Wanted to say hello

Oh boy

Thanks Yayer

Yayer

Another listener

Wow

Look man

Making friends over there

In Los Angeles

Visiting the

Visiting the bathhouse

Huh

Awesome man

Absolutely

Good deal

Awesome man

Absolutely

Careful you don't get

That gay cancer

The gay cancer

Is a killer man

I heard you get

Gay cancer from kissing

And everything

Stepping up

Going crazy

Alright guys

Be quiet now

Let's go ahead

And do another prank call

Let's play some more

Cuban restaurant

Do I have any more

Let's play the first one of the Cuban restaurant.

We're going to call them back again.

We're going back in time.

Hey, this is the Cuban place.

You guys do good sandwiches?

Oh, man, what do you guys do tonight?

You got some ropa vieja?

Yeah, we have ropa vieja.

Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, buddy, hang on.

I don't know all about that stuff.

Well, how many, do you use yellow potatoes or white potatoes?

We have mashed potatoes.

Yeah, but is it yellow or mashed or white mashed?

They're white.

white. But you mashed the potatoes yourself, right? You're not using the flakes. Because

we garlic, garlic mashed potatoes. Oh, that's good. That's very good. Can you put me down

for a bowl of potatoes, please? Hey, do you have the mashed plantain? Mashed plantain?

No, we don't. Is this Rodriguez? I called for Rodriguez and this kid hung up on me.

Some kid picked up the phone. Why do you have kids answering the phone? You put a man on

the phone man is this rodriguez uh who are you like i don't know who you want i need to speak

to rodriguez rodriguez eric you don't have eric rodriguez there no i called earlier that we're

gonna put eric on the line this is eric isn't it cool this is eric hey eric listen okay eric

seriously when are you guys going to follow up on the rent i'm gonna call him back seriously guys

um there's nothing more scary that was that went nowhere we're gonna call him back about the rent

and hang on to everybody.

Yeah, can you put some butter in that for me?

A side of butter.

No, I want the bowl of mashed potatoes.

One space.

We don't have a bowl.

A side.

Oh, we got a box?

A side.

We don't have a box.

What's the biggest holder thing that you use?

Depends how much you want.

We have a canning plate.

We have trays.

I'm going to get a tray.

Can you fill a whole tray with mashed potatoes

and then put like a bunch of butter in the middle of it?

Uh, yes.

I mean, look, if I'm bothering you, sir,

I mean, you know, times are tough.

You know, maybe.

Good evening, this is Jacob. How may I help you today?

Am I bothering you or something, sir?

I don't understand why this is the third time I have to call to speak to Eric.

What is going on?

What kind of way of business is this?

I've been hung up on twice very rudely,

and the last gentleman, when he hung up, he made no voice under his mouth,

and it was dirty words.

Really? You could hear the dirt?

I could hear it behind the phone and everything.

He said dirty like an epithet, I think.

It sounded like it to me, but it was definitely like pretty low,

I think he thought he was muting the phone.

It was pretty low, but it was loud enough for you to hear, correct?

I thought he was muting.

He thought the phone was on mute or he was trying to cover it.

I was asking right here, sir.

So you know what he said?

Do you know what he said?

He actually didn't say anything.

The point of this, if you have a point that you feel is not being said,

which you can go ahead and say it, yes?

I'll tell you what the problem is.

I need to speak to Eric Rodriguez.

I need to speak to the manager on duty right now, sir.

Where is Eric Rodriguez?

When is he coming again?

That is none of your business.

When is he calling again?

You don't call, you do not call, and you do not set, sir.

I'm calling, I'm calling, you son of a bitch.

So, what happens to you as a manager on duty right now?

How can I assist you?

And I asked if Eric Rodriguez is there, and you can't give me a yes or no.

I need to speak to Eric Rodriguez, you son of a bitch.

Put him on the phone now.

I'm going to have your job.

Jacob, I have a vagina.

Don't call my place of business, because I'm a woman, and I can't speak to a man on the phone,

and the man isn't here right now.

I'm Jacob. Jacob, let me say it in your language. I'm not saying it in your accent. This is Jacob. I'm Jacob. Chicken. He's a chicken bitch. Thank you, everybody. I hope you enjoyed that.

You know the Cuban guy, Rodriguez? You know him? You know Rodriguez? Rodriguez, man, he takes the plantain and he mashes it and he puts it inside the bowl for me and everything.

thing hey guys listen we got hey we got 32 seconds of this hey play the rest of this 32

seconds is all i asked for please now we're gonna make it 37 we weren't here anymore we

should get more frank calls now oh i'm working on it asshole w maybe do you have any women there

who maybe would chew up the meat for me and put in my mouth like a baby bird can you give them

one second. Is it a woman who's going to talk to me

next, or a man? No, the manager will talk

to you. What's his name? Oh, man.

Eric. Is he a mean guy, or?

No, he's a cool guy. Oh, cool, alright.

Nice man manager coming

up next. Cuban Bistro, how may I help you today?

Hang on, here it is. See, we did call him.

We did talk to Jacob before. Hang on, now we're

getting to the bottom of this. This is

from, I don't know,

early December, maybe? Or maybe

older than that. Alright, let's see what happened in this

call. Good evening, this is Jacob at Cuban Bistro.

How may I help you today? Yeah, hi. I was supposed to

I was supposed to speak to Gonzalez, the manager, and the guy hung up on me, Raul, the guy hung up on me.

You were supposed to speak to the manager named who?

I don't know.

I said, what's the guy's name?

He said, it looks like Gonzalez.

I don't know.

He said something like Eric, something Hispanic sounding.

Okay, and what's it referring to?

Well, because I was asking for my special meal, and he said that he had to clear it before about the mashed potatoes and all that.

Give me one second, okay?

Where are you going?

You fucking ass.

This sounds like a nice place.

Hey, they got that nice music in the background, huh?

That's a little piano.

There's a little tinkling piano back there.

I'm KMV Show manual speaking.

How can I help you?

Yes, hello.

I would like to make a complaint over rude service that I was given to over the phone,

and I need to find out who is the person of highest authority during normal business hours

so I can address this letter,

and I'm going to speak to Bob Morton from the news solvers on the TV

About how rudely I was treated

When I tried to call

I'm so emotional

I'm a very emotional person right now

I could go ahead and transfer you to a Jacob manager

No, no

Look, between me and you

Who's above Jacob?

And when are they going to be in there?

I'm actually the general manager here

Well, who's in charge of the general manager?

As far as it goes, there's the owner

Well, that's all I need to know

When I can ask how I get a hold of the manager

Of the owner

Well, can you give a message to Gonzales to call back?

I don't have anybody under Gonzales.

What's the owner's name?

Jacob.

And Lopez?

I can't give any information.

Rodriguez.

What happened to...

What about Rodriguez?

Me and Rodriguez had a connection.

I used to bring in the cigarettes and everything in the back.

And then all of a sudden, this other Jacob guy's all up in my cooler.

You had on...

Eric Rodriguez, we're tight.

He actually hasn't been working here for a pretty long time.

I know, but me and him are tight.

We used to be tight, and we had a deal in the back.

And I thought that was Rodriguez.

I was supposed to call him.

He owes me on money for the rent.

I've been asking for Eric Rodriguez, and this Jacob guy doesn't say yes or no.

He just says, I can't answer your question.

And I say, hey, look, this guy, I'm a collector.

I have the right to make a collection.

I'm a collection agency.

It doesn't really matter.

You're messing right here with the business.

You can't do it.

It begins a lot.

If you really are.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Can you put Jacob on the phone, please?

Sure.

Thank you, ma'am.

Warren Ray over there.

Talking to the riffraff.

Talk to Jacob again.

Jacob.

Deuce has got out of an accident apparently

No big surprise there

When he's speeding all over Canada apparently

He got like two tickets within a week of each other

Wasn't he going like

3000 kilometers a second

What's the speed limit in Canada

It's not the green stuff

No you don't you get slow on the green stuff

You dumbass

No one drives fast on weed it's impossible

Nobody can

Too paranoid

You drive like 10% under the speed limit at least

Deuce

Were you greening

Or were you alcoholing

Probably doing both

I think he mixes them up

And he probably has a coffee or something

At the same time

He's probably into some bad stuff

That douche guy

Did he figure out how to make himself green yet

You stupid ass

Evil Artie if you're listening

If you wouldn't mind doing me a favor

There's a gentleman named Douche

And he is located in the Madhouse chat room

Over at MadhouseLive.com

If you can tell him how to make himself green

because I know you made your colors

like pink and black or something.

Evil already goes in there with these very gay colors.

It's like the T-Mobile colors.

Teach him how to do it

so he'll leave us alone and be quiet.

We'd appreciate it.

So seriously, what is the speed limit like in Canada?

What is it, like 130 kilometers an hour?

How does it compare?

200 miles per hour, Evil already said.

And the American math was that.

I don't know how it is exactly.

Like, what's 65 miles an hour in meters per hour?

What do they do, kilometers per hour?

What does that come out to?

That would be 356.5 kilometers per hour.

Well, thank you, Dr. Wizard.

Should I believe you, Professor Wizard?

How did you do that?

Did you ask the Google machine?

Absolutely.

Okay.

Well, I forgot.

Where they use a metric system, the Virgin Islands in the UK,

so that's why they know about that.

100 kilometers an hour,

douche says, on highways.

50 kilometers an hour in the city.

That doesn't seem to...

It sounds like you're getting ripped off.

Sounds like you guys have to drive slower than we do here.

MPH, as I like to call it.

65 MPH.

50 kilometers per hour?

That's like, what, 30?

That's like 25 miles an hour or something.

I don't know the math.

I don't know how it works.

Someone help me out.

Dude, that would be 200.

200 miles per hour?

Okay, well, that's pretty good.

Yeah, they got it nice over there, don't they?

Nice.

All right, cool.

All right, everybody.

We're going to do another prank call here.

here lonesome loser is checking in finally naughty naughty monkey late again one more and it's a

verbal warning after the verbal warning and that doesn't go on your record lonesome loser the

after the verbal warning you get two more excuses and after that it's an actual written warning and

it's put in your file for um uh six months and then after that is final warning leading up to

termination so please lonesome loser you know i don't want to have to do it i don't like to

micromanage well see i these are the speeches i've gotten so much in my career and the customer

service jobs i've had they always give me this because i end up like calling off a lot um not

anymore not so much i actually was sick this week and i woke up pretty sick and i had to call in i

felt so guilty man it was like oh man i was on a tuesday and then i was like god man like halfway

through the day i started feeling a little better and i tried to convince myself just to go in late

but then I said, like, you know, I'm just going to look weird if I do it.

And I ended up just going to school and studying.

But, regardless, what was I talking about?

I got off track.

Eh, who cares.

Oh, yeah, the speech that you get.

It's always like, the speech that you get all the time, it's like, you know,

I don't want to micromanage, you know, I'm on your side,

but if you miss two more days, I'm going to fire you, kind of thing, you know.

And they have, like, these steps that they've got to go through,

like the final warning, and then the final warning before termination,

and then you're actually terminated.

Before that, it was like written verbal

and second verbal warnings.

I don't know how it works.

Instead of that being one infraction,

you can combine them into three.

Like if you miss three days in a row,

it equals one occurrence.

So it's kind of like if you...

So you know you're going to get fired eventually,

so you sort of like face it to getting fired.

Exactly.

Well, I did have a job once,

and I hate to say it.

I was much younger.

I used to work at a bank,

and I thought the job was miserable.

I couldn't stand the job.

It made me sad, made me angry at the same time, sad and angry.

And I threatened myself with pushpins a few times there at work when nobody was looking.

But regardless, I was so miserable that I wanted to quit the job,

but I knew that if I just got up and quit, I wouldn't be able to get unemployment,

and I couldn't afford my car payment and extracurricular activities that I like to do,

like go to the movies and rent movies and stuff like that.

This is like in 99, I think, or 2000.

no I actually didn't do that back then

or at that point I didn't

no

so basically

what I did was I decided to stop working

I would sit at my desk and I would go online

all day and listen to the radio

on earbuds when no one was

no one could tell that I had headphones on

and I'd sit there and listen to Howard all morning

and I actually wasn't working at all

and finally like three weeks into it

they finally like you know after warning me

a bunch of times like Carlos you're not doing

any work here uh you really need to catch up on your work you know and i'm like oh yeah yeah sure

i'll get on it get on it another week went by and like you know at this point there's like there's

like sales to work if you had nothing to do well at this point there's sales managers who are like

losing sales because i'm i'm not doing anything really i'm just skating by uh there's clients

who are like not getting reports back because i don't care i was like i was like fuck this job

So, yeah, so they finally let me go, and they finally let me go, and I just, they finally let me go, and because they didn't get fired, because they were like, well, we're going to let you go, right, so I'm like, okay, no problem, and then they're like, we're going to, they paid me, I had a bunch of vacation time, like two weeks worth, they paid me that, and they were like, okay, you know, so we're letting you go, this is your servants right here, we're going to give you vacation time.

get out of here so unemployment in florida you have to pay like fit like the the company has to

pay i think it's like 35 of what you're making on unemployment they have to pay it they have an

account that they pay into and they can draw it out of there or something like that so it costs

them money for me to be on unemployment so i i filed for unemployment like i i left from their

work that day i got i got let go and i went straight to the unemployment office you know

signed my paper gave it to them i started collecting the next week the next week i

I start collecting my unemployment, and they filed an appeal, and they're like, oh, they're

like, no, you know, yeah, they're like, no, no, wait a minute, you know, and they're like,

you know, it doesn't count, he was let go, he was fired, and then, so, like, we had a

trial, even, and went to the trial stage, and the judge is like, all right, he tells

me, he's like, all right, so, he was pissed off, all right, and he asked,

The performance rating there wasn't quite up to spec, huh?

Well, he asked me, he said, so did you do your job to the best of your ability?

I said, absolutely, yes, I did.

He's like, all right, did you commit any violation of company policy?

Did you break the rules?

Did you do anything?

I said, no, I didn't.

I wasn't calling in sick.

I was coming in on time.

I was working to the best of my ability.

And the judge is like, okay, I don't see anything wrong here.

And he hit the gavel, and that was it.

I was like, all right, kick ass.

So I stayed out of unemployment for the maximum.

I don't know how it is in the rest of the country,

but you get, I think it's five months automatic,

and I stayed out of it for all that time.

And then right after that, 9-11 hit.

So with 9-11, they decided to extend unemployment

because their economy was doing bad.

They extended unemployment another three months.

So I went on that, and then I finally found,

like I wasn't even looking for work.

It's sad to say.

But even, like, I guess this is technical perjury.

Not perjury.

I mean, I wasn't working.

Oh, man.

I wasn't depressed.

But I finally found a job, like, right when I was running out.

It was pretty interesting.

So, yeah, that was my unemployment story.

How dare they rate your performance low?

See, that's what they get.

That's right.

The madhouse is soon to come, man.

Dude, no, the current job that I have now, it was like a blessing, man.

I'll tell you what happened.

I was at work at that place I was really miserable at, and I got home.

and i i had a review that day with my manager like my six month review the manager she calls

me at the end of the day mouth wet you're gonna get some beer in me okay so in the day the woman

the manager's like hey well um i want to let you know this is your review and she like rated me

like poor because i didn't talk to the people that i worked with or got along with them that

well or converse or socialize she gave me like a low rating and i was like i'm like i'm doing a

good job what are you talking about like you know like every every word that is you know talks about

the ability to perform my duties you're telling me i'm doing good yeah but you're not sharing

with the group so i'm like so basically i'm not being social and i'm getting a poor rainy because

i'm not social and she's like yeah you have to share do you have to share the group like okay

fine whatever class or something i don't know so i got home and i was miserable i got home and i

was telling athena about this horrible day and his horrible review and how i work with monkeys

how the how my managers were freaking imbecile monkeys that gate would would write somebody

honestly it was funny because at the same time i was taking business management classes at the

university and they were exactly the opposite of what we were taught an ideal business should run

like they just like like unethical kind of stuff and exactly yeah and literally i'm in the middle

of talking to athena like you know like i'm like man this sucks you know i gotta find a new job i

I can't stand this place.

I get a phone call on my cell phone, and I almost don't answer because I don't recognize the number,

and I do pick it up, and it's a lady saying, hi, I'm with the recruiting office,

and I saw your resume online.

At this point, I hadn't been looking for a job at all for the last three months.

She's like, I saw your resume online.

I want to know if you want to come in for an interview.

We have this opportunity available.

I'm like, okay, sure.

One of the worst days of work ever in my life, and I'm miserable where I work at.

Yes, please make my day, and sure enough, that's the job that I've had for the last year and a half.

If you want to talk about God, there is a God.

You've got to believe in it, man.

Something like that, that's a sign.

That's the place.

That's awesome.

Remember the place I was talking about where I caught the manager taking a shit in the bathroom?

A little bit of unemployment never hurt anybody.

Remember, I said the story, I opened the bathroom door, and the manager was taking a shit, and he forgot to lock the door.

Yeah, that's the place.

That was the creepiest thing to ever happen.

Can you imagine walking in?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

That story.

I'm like oh god dang it man

why do people not lock the door when they're

taking a shit special

he's downloading that's not shit he's downloading

he's dropping anchor

ok guys really prank calls man look it's 11 o'clock

and I'm sitting here talking about unemployment

and what not

got a lot of numbers here from Lonesome Loser

that's a good thing man

just

out of curiosity

how many people out there are

how many people are we got like 80

80 viewers on Syndicate

23 on the Madhouse stream

That's 103

Who's that one loser who used to never work

And smoke dope all the time

I don't know

Living off his wife or some shit

And selling flowers

Or stealing flowers

Anyway

Unemployment does pay

We got another 20 to 30

On the two video streams

Also the Justin and the Mogulus

So we got about 130, I would say, on average right now.

That's pretty good.

We're doing pretty good.

Thank you, all 130 of you.

Dude, I'm going to apologize.

We're just getting started.

Most podcast listeners don't listen live.

We have about 300 of them at this point.

But unfortunately, I haven't updated it in almost a month.

Wow.

So if any of you podcast listeners are happening to tune in live to try to find out what's going on, yes, there's going to be a Madhouse podcast update here as soon as possible.

That's right, because we love you right here.

Sure we do.

Yeah, all right.

Anyway, another prank call.

We're going to call Jiffy Lube, guys.

This Jiffy Lube is in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Let's do it.

One moment.

Awesome.

Thank you for calling.

I'm Jiffy Lube.

Jeremy speaking.

How can I help you?

Jeremy, mahalo, aloha.

How are you, brother man?

Good.

How are you doing?

I'm a little concerned.

I was wondering, how often should I get the antifreeze put in the vehicle?

Antifreeze?

Or the radiator?

My dog seems to love the taste of it.

but he had a puddle on the ground like it was leaking a little bit.

He drank it just a little bit ago.

Silly dog.

How much antifreeze does the system take?

Like, I sealed it off, but how much antifreeze does the system take exactly?

How much would you recommend?

Will you fill up my reservoir?

Yeah, it's $2.99, $2.99 to fill up the reservoir.

Oh, wow.

But how much is a gallon?

Like, do you have the gallons there?

We do, but it's kind of, I think it's like,

$15 or $20 for the gallon.

Wow.

You might be able to get it cheaper at like Napa or Checkers.

So I could go to Napa and I could get like the gallon of the radiator fluid?

Yeah, just ask for it.

How much do you think that costs?

The radiator fluid.

How much do you think it is?

Well, it depends.

If you get the pre-mix, which is already mixed with water,

which is probably the one you're going to want to get,

all you have to do is dump it in, you know.

You don't have to mix it.

If you get the concentrated one that's just freeze,

When it freezes, then you have to mix it yourself.

Yeah, yeah.

You feel like maybe three bucks for the thing?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not too sure how much it is, but it'd probably be cheaper than what we can give it to you for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So most definitely, it'd probably be cheaper than, you know, the job.

So, you know, how do you guys are going to adapt?

I mean, really, how do you guys adapt?

What do you do in the face of a storm like this?

How do you adapt?

What do you mean?

How do you personally, like you, between me and you, how would you adapt to the coming storm when it comes to the prices?

What do you do?

Oh, just go shop around.

I mean, call around.

Right.

Like I said, your best bet is probably Napa or Checkers.

Have you changed your habits?

You know what?

You probably couldn't even go to Walmart, because Walmart also has an automotive section.

You guys have Walmart here?

Yeah.

I'm so surprised.

I came here for vacation, and I was surprised you guys have McDonald's here.

You guys have cars.

Yeah.

You have the paved, like the streets are paved.

I was quite impressed.

And like normal clothes.

People in normal clothes.

I saw black people here, I saw Puerto Rican, I saw Mexican people, and they live here.

I was really surprised, and like I was thinking like, I thought you'd have the cars, but nothing

like this, it's quite, it's a modern society in this country, it's very beautiful.

How long have you, are you born and raised in Hawaii?

Yep, my whole life.

Wow, wow, that's crazy, that's something, so when you, I mean has it always been like

this, when did the economy, like when did this happen?

been? It's actually a while. It's been pretty shitty for a while since I've known, since

I've lived here. Right. So what do you recommend for the car machine if I wanted to get the

oil treatment, like the detergent? Explain it to me. I like to hear stories about car

machines. Is it leaking or something, the system? I'm just asking. I'm curious. I don't

know. There's a bunch of different ones. I think Berryman makes one. Right. There's a

a couple different ways.

Hey, you heard about

that guy Strawberry?

You heard about that guy?

Who?

You heard about that guy

Strawberry?

No.

He used to like to come

through the jiffy lube,

but he would,

he would like

make nasty stuff

inside the car.

He would do

nasty things in the car

when the guys were around

and stuff.

And he'd try to get away

with it.

And there's one time

they grabbed him out

by the hair

and they,

you know that thing

that you use to put oil

in the car?

Yeah.

They put it in his asshole

and they turned it on

on 5W30.

5W30.

It was an Italian guy

And there was a Cuban guy

Named Rodriguez

Yeah

Hey what's a common

Hawaiian last name

I have no idea

Hmm

Alright brother

I command you to hang up

The phone now please

If you don't mind

This is going nowhere

Alright man

Alright terminate the call Ryan

Ryan terminate the call please

What the fuck is that about

Stupid ass

Too friendly

The cheeky fuckers over there

Alright

Alright ladies and gentlemen

Thank you very much

For hanging in there with me

I'm Carlito Milkman's here

Hey

Hey, Milkman playing the guitar.

I had to put you on mute because all I heard was...

I sound like a hero over there.

What's going on?

Are you breathy today, or do you have the mic close to your mouth?

What's going on?

Nah, dude, my asthma, man.

My asthma's been fucking going crazy.

Mm-hmm, asthma.

Got a lot more prank calls here to do tonight.

We got Gypsy Trucking.

That's his ass going to be called.

Al's Ija Grocery Store.

Jive Time Records.

Hey, there you go.

In Seattle, Washington.

Scooby-Doo Bay Park Pub.

Weevil's Bar and Grill.

We've called them before.

We've got a Tommy Hilfiger store.

Scooby-Doo.

I don't know if this is a Tommy Hilfiger store or if it's an actual Tommy Hilfiger person.

I think it's like a Hilfiger store.

Jiffy Lube we already called.

We're not going to call that again.

Mr. Ed's Restaurant.

Plum's Last Shot Restaurant.

Wanker's Corner Saloon and Cafe.

Got a lot more numbers here.

Oh, hell yeah.

That's Noo-Noo's place, man.

Did you hear about that?

Nunu's got his own place?

No, is that the one?

That's it, man.

I'm sure.

Let's give him a call.

Wanker's Corner, this is Jen.

How may I help you?

Hey, sweetie.

How you doing there?

I'm good.

How are you?

I'm good.

Who's this, Big Jen?

It is.

What's up, Big Jen?

Hey, look, Nunu told me to give you guys a call about coming down and getting some spaces

for tonight.

The Wanker's had a good...

How many people are you guys going to be having?

Go place in the corner to go rub one out.

Oh, yeah?

Nice.

Okay.

Maybe a couple?

No.

No, just I think three.

I mean, is it okay if it's going to be me, myself, and my partner,

and then we're going to have a business associate join us maybe about 20 minutes into the meal?

So will we be able to sit down and not have our food ordered until maybe like 20 minutes in?

Can we just have like an appetizer and just like a soda or a tea?

That would be okay.

Noon, you told me to give you guys a call.

He's a big fan, likes wanking off right there.

It's very quite interesting.

Well, he doesn't.

There was this place once that I went to called Bob's.

That was over in Seattle.

Was it Bob's big boy?

No.

Was he a big boy?

No.

Oh, my God.

You're quite sassy, aren't you?

What?

You got a little bit of sass on you?

Oh, you know it.

Yeah?

Do you talk nasty, like, in bed sometimes?

Oh, absolutely.

Why not?

Well, sometimes I find women, they talk a little too much.

Yeah, it's just shut up and get it done.

Well, do you like to moan?

I mean, you're not just quiet, right?

Oh, of course not.

What fun is that?

You've got an annoying laugh, though.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, now you're...

Put some sugar on it.

Come on.

Let's hear what it sounds like.

You're funny.

Okay.

That's what I usually get when I pull my pants on.

You're funny.

All right, big girl.

I'm going to let you go.

This is going nowhere.

Thank you very much for nothing.

You're welcome.

Anytime.

Shut up.

Talk to women on the phone.

It's funny.

My grandfather was of the generation of Puerto Ricans.

Like, the men had this hierarchy over the women.

I don't talk to women on the phone

a lot of times they would call a business

and if a woman answered the phone

sometimes they'd say hey can you get a man

that's where I get that from

my mom has told me that about my grandfather

he would call businesses sometimes

and if he seemed like he wasn't getting his way

with the secretary

or the woman who was answering the phone

he would say can I talk to a man

and it was totally understandable at that point

we're talking about like

40's and 50's Puerto Rico

So, I mean, it was kind of like that in the States still.

Puerto Rico was still a little more backwards at that point, you know.

Anyway, more prank calls to do, I suppose.

Let me play this song.

I like this song.

It's called The Ghetto by Donny Hathaway.

It's off the album Superbad.

It's a three-disc, three-CD compilation of music from Black's exploitation movies of the 70s.

Good music.

I say check it out.

Thank you, everybody, for listening to us here tonight.

Madhouse Radio.

Where's the Superbad token?

MattHouseLive.com is our website

And SyndicateRadio.tv also

Be sure to visit SyndicateRadio.tv

Show your titties

I wish I had video tonight Syndicate

I'm sorry I don't

Let everybody know

Zolar and the Zolar Party Nation

Zolar Vision tomorrow night

At 9pm Eastern Standard Time

6am

6pm

6 p.m. in the Pacific

Check it out

Chuck, you got a website, too

You got a blog, something like that

Yeah, Revoluta

Revoluta

We're in a weird mood tonight

I'm kind of just chill

I don't know where I am

I'm very tired

Whatever, we're having fun

Let's do some more prank calls, guys

Come on, we're going to run out of phone cards

I just got to take a piss

so I gotta do something

is douche being annoying yet

douche is being annoying

I'm gonna have to ban him

he's just so annoying

he doesn't shut up

he's like a yammering

fucking retarded penguin

someone ban him

what's he saying

I'm not even reading

if he starts one more time

with more messages

Carlito

yeah

look at this guy

how you

what you see

unban me see

no

I'm not gonna unban

first phone bill

I'm not gonna unban

first phone bill

sorry

unban

all right guys

be quiet

we'll grab that one

another prank call

I didn't say that

I'm going to call

the Indian restaurant

that we fucked with

for the last three weeks

it's Doug's fault

can I help you

hello disgusting monkey man

how are you

yeah can I help you

I'd like to make an order

for disgusting food again

maybe it'll make me sick

like a pig

pig man

the food I turned

it's so disgusting

I turned into an actual pig

in a chair

this is Valente

I got bad food there once

I'm calling to report

until you compensate

me for my lost time

and the five minutes

that it took me

to vomit

Vomit the food that you made, and you put pork in the meat.

Your mother eats pork.

I said your mother eats pork.

Your mother eats the pork.

Is that true?

No, ma'am.

I don't know.

You know that offends me.

That didn't last very long.

How about some bacon?

Trying to get them angry.

They're not angry there today.

They usually jump right down my throat when I call them.

They're getting warmed up.

We'll call them back later.

Let's call the sitar real quick here, and then we'll get to the new numbers.

We're just taking a break from the new and going back to...

Thank you for calling sitar.

You're my bastard.

You're father bastard.

Excuse me?

I said your mom bastard and your father bastard.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

May I make an order for Papa Don's, please?

Papa Don's?

Yes, I don't want any pork this time.

Last time I came in, someone put pork in my order, and I specifically asked for no pork.

We don't have pork.

Someone put pork in my meat.

We don't have pork.

Someone said, I'm going to pork the meat.

Pork it.

She said something like, pork it or pocket it.

I don't know.

Maybe it was a mistake.

We don't have pork in the restaurant.

restaurant do you know that guy was over there that put the pork in me please tell me the truth

you do but i'm not gonna it's okay honey it won't i won't um you know i won't tell on you

it wasn't your fault but someone put pork in my food we don't have pork at the restaurant

you have a little bit of pork somewhere there for bacon burger right or bacon sandwich bacon

grease can i have the grease instead of the pork if i don't do is it does it constitute a problem

if it's just the grease from the pig like the bacon grease can you cook in that no but that

That doesn't count.

It's not the meat.

It's just the fat.

Okay.

If you want fat, you can come and get some.

Oh, yeah.

You got some fat rolls around here.

You probably a little chunky.

That's okay.

I'll grab onto them.

That's good.

Oh, my gosh.

I like.

Are you a little chubby?

That's okay.

Do you have nothing to do?

Are you chubby, girl?

Seriously?

Are you chubby?

Nothing to do.

You need to get a life.

Hey, chubby girl.

Stop eating the food there and you won't be so chubby.

Oh, yeah?

Fat.

Do you really have nothing to do with your life?

I like to call chubby girls.

Do you shop at...

Do you shop at Lane Bryant?

No, I don't. I lost my job.

And you know what? I'm on unemployment.

I'm not even looking for a job. I'm just making money.

Thank you.

I smoke marijuana and I harass people.

What do you like to do?

Do you like to party?

Why are you keeping me in the line?

Are you trying to trace me or something?

Oh, no.

Are you going to tell my mom again?

Some guy called from this number

And told my mom

That I made a bad

A bad phone call

And you know what my mom said

What

She said

Fuck you

This is America

I love my mom so much

That's good

Yeah

Alright

You have a good day

Goodnight baby

Alright bye chubby girl

Chubby girl everybody

Checking in with chubby girl

Over there

That was by request from Nunu

Nunu's a bastard

He didn't know

Oh there you go Nunu

You're like chubby girl

Village idiot

You're like chubby girl

Apparently

Which is

There's nothing wrong with that.

We got the Village Idiot Restaurant.

I have an idea.

It would be funny if Richie Randall called that.

Recklood's around, by the way.

Recklood will join us up in a minute.

Here we go.

Recklood.

I thought I saw Halloway's Longyear earlier.

Let's call Biggie's Restaurant.

Biggie's Mall.

Biggie, Biggie.

Oh, well, Biggie.

Biggie, Biggie.

Do that.

Hit that.

Yeah, buddy.

Did you hear that?

The clown car that they had out here.

Yeah.

Mom was over there.

I'm doing her.

She went to visit you.

Biggie's Restaurant.

Hey, yo, what's up? Is this Biggie's?

Yes, this is Biggie's.

Yo, yo, I'm a rapper.

I can do it again.

I can do anything, man. It's like the Ying and the Yang.

How do you do that, sir?

I don't know.

You never know.

I don't know, officer.

It's a call.

Hello there.

What's up?

Speaking in the Puerto Rican language.

First shot.

I'm going to keep harassing the guy.

I'm just going to keep calling him, dude.

Stupid rapping

I want to see how long

Is Jack Masterson

I want to see how long

It takes him to get pissed off

I'm going to keep spoofing

My number or something else

Apparently they're not down

With the hippity hip hop

Uh oh

We're coming back

Depot,

casino, and diner service.

Oh, we got Big Dick's Buckhorn Inn.

That's nasty.

Mikonos Greek Restaurant.

Oh, hi.

I'm going to call it.

There's a very rude, crass curse word in Greek called malaka.

I'm going to order the malaka.

We've done this in the past before.

It's always the woman will not admit to it.

We're ordering malaka to everybody.

I believe that means like motherfucker or something.

I got a pair of malakas for you, bye-bye.

Mikonos.

Yeah, can you ask the Greek guy why they don't have that dish that I kept asking for?

He made a rude comment.

Um, who, what dish was that?

Disgusting.

The Malacca.

I had written down, my friend said to order the Malacca.

And this guy just, he started laughing in my face and he looked at my wife's breast and then he, like, made a rude comment.

Who did this?

Some Greek guy over there.

I don't know, I don't, I don't think so.

Well, do you guys...

I already got that.

Hello?

Can I come in and get that Malacca, please?

First of all, who is this?

This is Valente.

I just, um, I kind of left with a bad taste in my mouth.

I really wanted to finish off the meal with a malacca,

and this guy, he made, oh, you're stupid.

He said something like, you're stupid.

You're like that, like almost a dog.

He said, you're stupid.

And he took, like, these papers, like a paper, like a pamphlet,

and he rolled them up like a newspaper, and he, like, hit the table.

He said, stupid, you're stupid like that.

And I didn't even pay.

I don't care.

Well, that's cool.

Yeah, come on in and grab some, dude.

It'll be waiting here for you.

So how much, I mean, can I, I mean, how many servings feed, like, I have four people, but I think one of them is that.

As many as you'd like.

Bring them all in.

We'll make it up for you.

What do you sell this kid?

Son of a bitch.

Make it up.

Yes, ma'am, how are you?

I seem, I think you're like a woman who decided to hang up the phone because you know you did a bad thing.

Is there any man?

What is it exactly?

Are you calling to complain about something?

Because if that's the case, then, okay, I'm listening.

But don't call me up and dick me around with some stupid malacca shit, all right?

Okay, listen, listen.

Listen, I need you to do me a favor.

I need you to go find your mother and ask her how many fathers you have.

Is there a good reason why you're calling here?

Because I wanted to order that, and the man laughed in my face and made a rude comment.

He hit the table very hard.

There's no such thing.

What you're talking about, what you're referring to, malacca, is an insult.

All I know, I guess it is very insultive.

All I know, the guy said, look, it has nuts, it has honey.

Order the malacca.

That would be baklava.

Exactly.

That's what I'm looking for.

Laugh at me and treat me like a dog person.

I'm not a dog.

You do have baklava, but when you come in here and you call someone a malaka, that's an insult in Greek.

Okay, so anybody, if you ask someone here who is Greek for that, then you just insulted them.

And they obviously think that you're messing with them.

I don't even think that anything that you happened took place here.

Oh my God, what does it mean, though?

I didn't mean to say that to him.

What does it mean?

It means jerk off in Greek.

That's not a big deal.

Jerk off.

Okay, well, then what do you want?

I want to order what my friend told me that was good to have for dessert.

He wrote it down.

He said, M-A-L-A.

Look, I have it right here.

And he's Greek.

So, obviously, he doesn't mess around.

M-A-L-A-K-A.

He said it's from the...

Come on in and order it then, dude.

But now you're saying that I'm insulting you because I'm ordering...

Is this only for Greek people?

Is that what it is?

Because I'm...

No.

Look, if I'm treating in your cultures, I'm sorry.

This is America, though.

You need to understand this is America, okay?

Okay.

Okay, so are we through now?

Come on in.

We'll have it here waiting for you, okay?

You'll have the malacca.

I bet you do.

It's $4.95.

Absolutely.

You have a lot of malaccas there.

I bet you do.

A bunch of sister fuckers over there.

Cool, great.

You can go fuck your mother, you little faggot.

Why don't you come down here and say that shit?

Come down here and say that.

Hang up the phone on your woman.

A woman will stay on the phone right now instead of hanging up.

All right.

Your mama's herring my dog.

He hung up angrily.

I shaved your mama and teach her how to walk backward.

Jesus Christ.

I'm having fun over here.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Crazy night tonight.

Hope you all have malacca next time you have Greek food.

Anybody paying attention out there?

How many people are listening?

We're still in over 100 at this point total.

No, we're down to 100.

No, we had 100.

We had 100.

Just had 100.

It's a new prediction, Robin.

Bravo.

Let me know if we have any audio problems.

Let me know.

I'm too loud.

The calls are too low.

Please, tell me.

Oh, dude, you sound spot on tonight, man.

Reckless, give us a call, man, if you want.

I'm going to do one more prank call,

Then I want you to give a call

I've got to take a whiz

Let's take a break real quick

As a matter of fact

I've got to take a hard

I've got to

A whiz kid

I'm up against a hard break

As I like to say

Have you ever heard of a hard break before, Milkman?

Have you ever had one of those before?

Yeah, man

Those are really making it hard to go do a whiz

It's a hard break

There's a lot of cool ladies

All right, everybody

We'll be right back in a few moments

While we're gone

I want you to think about this

And reflect on these next prank calls

That we have lined up

If you have your requests

You can send them in as always

ways madhouse live.com and we'll show you how depot casino and diner big dick's buckhorn inn

is still on deck here the village idiot i do want to call that as well i think richie randall should

call that that's in los angeles home of richie randall um we have two other greek restaurants

came in here also we can try to ask for malacca that's always fun i told you that was gonna work

that's the first time i did actually uh and we still have mr ed's restaurant here if you want

to mess with them we're gonna call wankers corn we have a grocery store here just coming in as

well etc etc uh sending your request call in toll free after this reclute will be joining us i'm

certain i'm gonna go make a sandwich with uh toast and cheese and a little bit of olive oil

and i'm gonna toast the bread first sandwich and then you toast the bread first and then you take

olive oil and you brush it inside each side of the toasted bread you put a slice of american

cheese in your microwave for 32 seconds you got a meal buddy you got a meal right there baby you

You got a stew.

All you need is a bottle of ain't leave.

I like to save my pork chop bones.

And at the end of the month, I take them out of the freezer and I make a stew.

I put my pork chop bones with some ketchup, some salt, and some water.

And you got a stew, baby.

Tell you what.

Yeah.

Hobo stew.

Hobo stew, man.

All right.

So, yeah.

As I said, more prank calls coming.

Don't go anywhere.

I got to take a whiz.

And I got to eat a sandwich.

I got to, you know, have food.

Bye.

The whiz kid will be right back.

Sure we will.

If you're lucky.

House Radio will be back right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

They're not here.

Hey, you guys got a pollo loco out there?

No, we're still on break.

Ah, this is the best shit, dude.

Madhouse Radio is back.

I am Carlito, your host.

Milkman is here as well.

Milkman eating the crazy chicken with the crazy taste of pollo loco.

Yeah, see, crazy.

um milkman we have actually excuse me milkman what we have here we have um pollo tropical which

is the same company as a pollo loco oh my god uh yeah we eat there at least once a week

this is addictive milkman we eat there at least once a week my dad eats there like three times

a week he goes on his own time like he he makes that trip like twice during the weekend

and once in the weekend we go to pollo tropical or crazy chicken whatever you want to call it

Like, pull your local, whatever it is.

Do you see a soup, too?

We eat it.

The soup?

The chicken soup?

It's good, but lately they don't put as much...

Go see a soup.

It's good stuff.

Whatever, man.

Who cares?

Reckless here.

Yeah, hi.

What's up?

What's up, Mr. Reckless?

How are you?

You in a better mood tonight?

Better mood?

What kind of mood was it?

I'm in a wacky mood.

You're all, like, ornery last week.

You're like...

You had this...

I don't know, this...

I don't know.

Something with you last week.

Something.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Whatever.

So what's been up with you?

When are you going to L.A. again?

The 11th, the next month.

I'm going to be gone for a while.

When's that motherfucker going to meet up with me?

Like, I'll be going out there playing.

Like, I got, like, I think three or four gigs.

And then just basically, like, throw my demo around.

Liar.

That's cool.

Kick ass, man.

Awesome.

Hey, Al.

Yeah, it's going to be fun, dude.

Plus, I'm taking two days off.

Like, everybody I fucking know is moving out there, like, video-wise.

It's really weird.

Alana, ask this motherfucker what he's going to meet up with me.

Like, it's, like, meant to be.

Like, seriously.

Milkman wants to know when you're going to meet up with him.

I advise against it, but he's asking me.

Oh, yeah, I've still got to meet up with him.

Like, every other time, I'm, like, fucking nuts out there.

Like, every day I go out there, it's, like, as soon as I get off the plane,

I go to fuck quick, and then we go to a club,

and then they drop me off to the airport after we go to the club.

Wow.

I mean, it's nonstop.

This time I might be taking extra time.

Dude, I am ten minutes from the airport.

I'm ten minutes from the airport.

Definitely have some cash saved up.

I'd like to fucking go and...

Yeah, he says he lives 10 minutes from the airport.

We eat milkman.

We live right next to LAX.

Milkman, he lives next to LAX.

That's great, milkman.

You've got to realize, man,

when Ray Kugel's up there,

he's up there for business.

He was only a week.

Probably working.

Sometimes a man out of time.

This is business.

This is my time.

My time.

We'll see what's up.

I mean, I'm going to...

Where the fuck is he?

Because I can't...

He's going to get this loopback shit.

I think I should go on Syndicate

to hear milkman, I think.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll hear him on Syndicate, for sure.

Yeah, he'll come through.

through there hey man let's do some prank calls we've been slacking here and i think spoof card

is going to shut down for maintenance in about 20 minutes so we got to get in oh shit so let's

get this in um i'm going to copy paste you the shit i got here you're in the irc right yes

find you here madhouse let me play some music in the background here right quick

reclude up here reclude did you see that that notorious big movie i thought you'd be in the

yeah dude i saw it opening day that's fucking shit yeah i'm really like the only thing i don't

like about it is how fucking like tupac looked that guy looked all weird and shit he didn't look

fucking anything anything like tupac he sounded like him he went ah like that you know that's all

he did it sounded like tupac and the guy was supposed to be puffy looked nothing like him

or sounded like nothing like him either yeah you know poppy chose that motherfucker yeah i know

right yeah yeah definitely but uh fucking yeah like i mean it's just yeah the great little kim

had some nasty tits too like her she had floppy tits i can't imagine little kim really has a like

like, a rack like that, because those are, like, really, she had, like, huge areolas,

or, like, huge, like the size of a fist.

Yeah, Little Ken didn't look, but Little Ken looked nothing like that.

Right, right, right, so, anyway, that's, that's the, I recommend it, Reckwood recommends it,

we both saw it, good stuff.

Yeah.

Alright, so you got the numbers that I got here, that I sent you, rather?

I sent you a few.

No, he sent me shit.

And you got shit, oh, I sent him the Noonoo for some dumb reason, who cares about him?

Reckwood, here we go.

Yeah, on Yahoo, too.

There we go, IRC, I'll send it everywhere.

Oh, okay.

You got them?

You tell me.

me did we call it biggies or who got pissed off oh biggies i called biggies i was rapping to

biggies and the guy hung up on me like yeah let's call him back i keep going and he just hangs up

try to act like i got like a horrible biggie smalls imitation uh we could try i guess we

could try that all right cool i'll spoof us another number he won't even know it all right

don't go anywhere bro let's do that right now let me go back to my music here hang on i lost it

shit balls dude you know what you gotta do what's that you have to fucking you have to like

Hey, give somebody the band privileges in there.

People are fucking up in the chat room.

What's going on?

Is it douche?

Is that douche kid fucking around?

That's all the people fucking ban everybody.

Yeah, look, he figured out his first one already, though.

Interesting.

Anyway, long story.

Don't worry about it.

I'm back.

Biggies, can I help you?

This is Biggies.

My friend's going to talk to you.

Hello.

I can't hear a thing.

What are you saying?

I don't want to hear the specials.

What you guys got going on tonight?

I'm good.

Look at you, you shit fool.

You get slapped.

Come on, you old bag.

Hey, just tell me what the fuck his specials are so I'll come down and sell you a rock and shit.

You want a whole rock and my ass?

I want two.

Ryan, take it all right.

That's a funny Biggie impersonation.

I like that.

Yo.

What the hell is that dumb?

He used to get.

The guy in the movie, he looked like Biggie, but he wasn't nearly as black as Biggie.

Biggie was like super dark, man, like Africa black.

Pitch black sometimes.

Like on his album covers, he looks so dark.

Like, ew, you couldn't

No, no, I didn't mean to say ew

But he's a dark, dark brother, man

Like, not Wessie Snipes quite

Like they said in the movie

But a pretty dark guy

Hey, anyway

Another prank call?

Yeah, whatever

I'm talking bullshit

Um, we got the bars here

Jiffy Lube

We already called the Jiffy Lube

I don't think I even sent that one to you

Yeah, let's see here

Hold on, let me see what we got here

There's a casino

There's two casinos, as a matter of fact

Fucking

Yeah, where's the casino at?

Nevada

See if

Wells Nevada

There is this

I stopped there when I did my little

cross-country fucking trip one time fucking banging whores and gambling all sorts of crazy

shit dude it was like fucking a while we got to call this place dude there's one casino in town

i got fucking kicked out of it what's it called you remember jesus christ there's only one all

right i'm pulling it up now if i could spell well nevada that's what dude i tell you what

these fucks of that town were relentless anybody that pulled past a certain highway they would

no matter what there's lucky j casino here or there's four-way casino cafe and bar i think

I think it's the Lucky J Casino, it must be.

Yeah, because, uh, fucking, uh, yeah.

They got two fucking, yeah, okay, there we go, right there.

I'll tell you exactly where I'm going.

Yeah, it was this, I think it was, like, uh, it was, like, the only, there was only, like, one halfway decent-sized casino.

Okay.

And then the other one, there was, like, two whorehouses, one that Jack Dempsey used to own or some shit.

And it's, like, you could only go, like, so if you went past this point, the cops would pull you over.

What?

And they're fucking arresting people, so what I did was I sat there with my car, waited, and they fucking,

But they just drove past them.

I got them.

Otherwise, they'd be like, what the fuck are you doing in town, boy?

So you just do shit in your car with a girl?

Is that how it goes?

That's the brothel?

No, no, no.

I'm just saying, like, I'm just trying to get past the fucking cops.

Oh, I got you.

All that shit's, like, past.

It's weird.

Like, right off the highway, like, you go past a certain point, and they do not fuck around.

Oh, so they're just strict-ass cops just pulling people over.

Okay, I got you.

I thought you meant once you went to the brothel, like, let you get so far with a girl until they pull you over.

Oh, no, no, the brothels.

I didn't end up fucking doing anything

That was fucking weird ass shit

I had to go

Chills on there were like

Two hundred dollars

There was like twenty dollars

It was all like hundred dollar bills

Were you gambling

Or were you just some broads

That were spending

No I'm talking about

Just the whorehouse

Like they even

The thing just

Like it would take like

Twenty dollar fee

Yeah I bet

They give you like hundreds

Like you could only get like

Two hundred I think

Was the least

Yeah

And these fucking whores came out

And I'm like

You gotta be fucking

It was like

Hitting on her

Yeah

And I said something real pretty, and she threw me out of the fucking thing.

She said something inappropriate.

Because, like, what it was, she was, like, she was, like, she was just joking around or something.

I can't remember what she said.

She was, like, she was, like, she was, like, you win again, I'm going to take you in your bathroom and have your ass out or some shit.

Like, just joking around, like, you know.

And I said, like, at the end of the night, I was, like, hey, what's up, baby?

I was, like, that offer for the best old dog.

What's up?

Get the fuck out of here.

For that?

She did that?

What a bitch.

Because I was, like, I don't know.

I mean, I don't know.

I guess I was drunk or whatever.

I didn't touch or anything.

I was just like, hey, what's up?

What's going down?

Of course.

I guess not, man.

Fucking threw me out of the fucking broad over at the other place.

That didn't fucking work out because of the cop situation.

I had to get the fuck out of there.

Yeah, at that point, forget it, man.

It was a fun time, though.

I mean, I'll tell you what.

It was a fun little town.

Yeah.

True that, man.

True that.

I got to look into finding a good place to go to for my bachelor party.

Oh, yeah?

Atlantic City probably is what we're going to do.

Oh, yeah?

On a Saturday, yeah.

Yeah, so there's got to be places.

There's got to be places.

I don't think there's a...

No, maybe not in Atlanta City itself.

There has to be something up there, I'm sure.

It's that kind of town, you know?

Or nearby.

Somewhere classy.

Not classy, what I'm saying.

There's nothing...

I don't want, like, some hole in the wall with, like, nasty women in it.

If I'm going to do it, I want to do it right.

You know what I'm saying?

Well, yeah, do it.

I mean, yeah, yeah.

Do it good, you know?

Have fucking...

We'll find you...

Yeah, I'm sure we can find a place.

I haven't been out there in a while.

It's fun out there.

But, yeah, we'll find you a fucking place.

Awesome.

All right.

Get you some nasty-ass fucking whores.

Nice.

All right, cool.

So you want to call the casino, the Lucky J's that you want to mess with,

or are you just mentioning that?

Wait, the one up there?

Yeah, that's the one.

I got it ready to go.

Yeah, whatever.

Pull it up.

All right.

This is the one you went to so long ago, and you got kicked out and all that.

All right, we'll try to talk to Sabra.

I doubt she's there.

I don't know.

It seemed like a family business.

She might still be there.

Yeah, we'll see.

All right, hang on a minute.

Lucky J?

Hey, you guys at Casino right in Wales?

Yeah.

You might be the woman I was talking to.

You the one that deals blackjack over there?

Oh, no.

Wait, but they took the 21 tables out now.

Yeah, when did they do that?

A few months ago.

Why'd they do that?

Because they wasn't making any money off of them right now.

Off of the 21 tables.

I used to play them all the time every time I'd come down a freeway.

That's what I was trying to find out, you know what I mean?

Here's my predicament, right?

All right, I was driving down.

I go every once in a while, live over in Sacramento.

I drive her sometimes just when I need something, something like that.

I'm just trying to find.

I'm not into those bras down there.

I'm just trying something a little different, you know what I mean?

So I know they got them around the casinos.

I just want to see if you knew anything about that.

Because I know the lady at the four of them, Black Jack, you know,

me and her had a little swither right now.

You wouldn't happen to know her name, would you?

Well, I know several of them.

Yeah, there's some broad.

She's a, what does she look like?

She's about middle-aged.

I can't remember.

I was kind of tipsy.

I think it was like brown, blonde hair, something like that.

You know what I'm talking about?

I was talking to her all night.

You know what I'm talking about down there?

Because me and her had a little something, you know.

You know, a lot of guys, they go down to Browse's over there.

That ain't my style, you know.

I'd like to try to get a real woman.

That's me and her headed off having a lot of drinks and stuff over there.

So, I mean, I spent a lot of money at them tables.

I'll tell you what.

What you got over there?

Is this the wrong place?

I must have been over at the four-way then.

What place is this?

This place is them slot machines over there?

Yeah, this is the Lucky J down at the other.

Lucky J.

It's down at the other Flying J truck stop.

You gotcha.

So the four-way, now this is a stand-alone casino right off of the road there.

Yeah, on the corner.

I recall they were snowing there, and I had to stop over for the night,

and I came in there, and that's what happened.

It's all by them motels over down there.

Yeah, that's the four-way.

That's the four-way.

Oh, yay.

Yeah, and you guys are over down the street, down that little gas station right there, right?

Right.

What's your name, honey?

Julie.

Julie, that's right.

You got any kids?

I do.

Oh, sweet head.

How old are you?

I think I've seen you down there.

I think I've got some gays off you.

You work the gays machines over there?

No, I normally work at the four-way in the cage, the cashier cage.

Oh, okay.

You probably done seen me then.

I probably have.

Yeah, I'm just a trucker.

I'm just old hillbilly from Arkansas.

Yeah, I come up there all the time.

That's a great area.

You got blonde hair?

Is that the one I seen?

You a Hispanic, or which one are you?

No, just brown hair.

Because I seen that, there was a Hispanic girl at that gas station, I tell you what,

and she run me out of there because I was just hooping.

Sometimes I like to gamble, you know what I'm saying?

I just get a little rowdy, and I've been drinking and stuff like that.

I was flinging them chips and stuff.

She was pretty cute.

She's a little heavyset, but, you know, I don't know if you know her or not.

But anyway, so is that four-way open right now?

It should be, right?

What time do they close?

They're open 24 hours.

Oh, shit, they told me, they threw me out at 1 o'clock.

Why do you think they do that?

They told me they were closing.

They had me out the door.

And why in the world would they do that for?

You ever seen that before?

The only time they kick anybody off the tables, the blackjack tables,

is if they're really drunk and they're being obnoxious or something,

them then they'll kick them off the table yeah yeah that probably was it i mean i can't remember

a bunch but i know i try you know i'm saying she would flirt with me and all this shit i tried to

grab her hand and they went crazy some guy threw me out i had something something together i think

i might go down there and see if she's down there and give her a give her a visit yeah you never

know so yeah what's going on are you you dating anybody down there you got a husband or what

Yep, I'm married.

Oh, well, shucks.

You know any single women down there around the casinos?

Because I drive through Wales quite a bit.

I want to see if I can find me a regular girlfriend.

You know, I'm just tired of being on the road so much.

You know, I like to have a place closer.

I run to Sacramento all the time.

I'm getting tired of Arkansas, you know what I'm saying?

I want to just try to settle down.

I don't even care if she's a Mexican or Asian.

I really don't care.

I mean, you know, I'm pretty open, you know, just a nice lady, you know what I'm saying,

cooking me a couple meals.

I mean, I'm on the road a lot, but, you know, I mean, you know what I'm saying?

I'm a good man.

Yeah.

Well, there's a lot of single women here.

Oh, yeah?

Where do they work at?

Well, go to the four-way and go in the bar, and maybe you'll see some.

I don't know.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, there's another bar down on Main Street, Luther's, and a lot of them hang out there.

Oh, Luther's and then the four-way.

Yeah, I've been to four-way.

All right, so Luther's down the street and then the four-way down there.

What's your name again?

Julie.

Julie, all right.

Well, thank you, Julie.

I'll give him a call.

I'm sure I'll see you down there at the cage or whatever.

I'm staying over at the Super 8 right there.

So, I mean, I'm sure I'll see you around.

Okay.

Talk to you later.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

That was interesting.

All right, so let's call.

So now we got it.

I've got the number already, a four-way casino cafe.

So now we can play this into, like, we got, like, one name.

Right.

We got some names.

And then we'll just, like, try to just say, they're not going to know what the fuck you really told me.

There's a bunch of women down there.

I can spoof the number as the Lucky J Casino when I call them.

No, no, no.

He said Super 8.

No, but, dude, those places, that's, like, the shadiest little town.

It sounds like it.

I don't know what the, when I went into the, yeah, here, I'm posting on the, yeah.

I got it.

All right, Super 8.

When I went into the actual town, there was a nice little motel in town.

Just some guy ran it, you know.

Yeah.

I mean, pretty nice people, but.

But anyways, we're about to find some single women in Wells, Nevada.

Okay, here we go, everybody.

Don't go anywhere.

This is what?

This is the four-way, the four-finger Freddy.

Yeah, well.

So this would be the bar there.

I guess we'll just play it by ear.

It's this casino and bar.

I don't have any reviews on it, but I found it here on the map.

I'll send it to you.

I'll send you.

There you go, so you can see it also.

That's what I found on it.

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere, and nobody else go anywhere.

Thank you.

Due to system maintenance, your call cannot be completed at this time.

Try your card.

We're out of prank juice.

Yeah, they did.

Oh, shit.

It is midnight.

Damn.

Fuck.

They took it down completely.

Fucking bastards.

Oh, shit.

Why?

I mean, it's like, don't they know it's fucking Thursday?

I mean, come on.

I know.

What's going on?

Let's see if I can find, see if I have another phone card.

I don't have anything.

No, I don't.

Shit, they locked me out of that fucking, what the fuck.

I can't even.

They won't send me a password to my emails.

I don't know what the fuck their problem is.

Tell them.

Yeah.

And I was like, shit, I'm the best spokesperson for them cocksuckers.

Oh, bro, on my phone, my new phone, my G1, the Google phone,

I got an app that's by spoof card that lets me direct dial

just by hitting the shit on the keyboard.

It goes right to my spoof card account,

and I put in the number I want it to appear, the number I want to call.

Are you fucking serious?

Yeah, and it does it automatically.

And then I can play all my recorded pranks, all my calls.

I hit the buttons on the phone, and I can select it and play it right there

without having to call

I don't fucking get it

I was considering

what to get

but that sounds pretty

yeah the G1 is awesome

there's a lot to do on it

I'm about to switch up

one time

I'm about to get a

fucking

I have to get a

LA number now too

oh yeah

it's like I gotta

create this

it's fucking stupid

but it makes sense

it's like business reasons

yeah you get a

local number

people take me

more seriously

out there

if I get a LA number

yeah so do that

what I did

I got myself

a second line

and I got myself

a new phone number

and everything

for the phone

go to T-Mobile

that's the only way

way you can get the g1 unless you wait to get the next one that comes out for whoever yeah

Yeah, I think I'm going

to have to call the show.

I might just play

a few pranks and call it,

I guess.

No more live pranks

unless a phone card shows up.

But if it does,

I'm going to call back in,

all right?

All right, man.

Well, I'm going to get

back to work here,

but yeah, man.

Fucking have fun

with playing in pranks

and stuff.

All right, well,

you two have fun

with your DJ.

And you're not going

gonna be back next week then i'm presuming right you're gonna be out of town oh no no you got a

lot okay i got another yeah so that week would be fucking shit because like thursday night's

gonna be nuts we're going to this place called tijuana's or shit or tequila's or some bullshit

anyways the big club and it's got some killer shit but yeah fucking might have to hit up milk

man out there if i get a chance yeah take a minute i gotta see because i would be mad out

I'm going to get this time and relax in a rental car in a hotel on 9-0.

He says to email him, and you email each other your contact information and whatnot.

You should have your own email.

You have each other's email addresses from the ones that I sent out.

You should be able to see it in the headers there.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You're on the mailing list, the Madhouse mailing list with all the prank shows and all that.

Yeah, yeah, I'm up there somewhere, right?

Cool, yeah.

You'll find it in there.

We'll figure it out.

All right, hey, Radcliffe, take care, man.

You have a good week.

I'll talk to you next week.

All right, you too.

All right, bro.

Let me try it one more time just to make sure

Maybe it was just temporary

When they said for that long

I hope they don't screw it up

If they're doing maintenance I hope it doesn't end up screwing up the options or something

Alright Chuck

Excuse me Chuck if you want to go on early if you can

Excuse me let me know

I'm going to do a little bit of something here

We can keep doing like

Going through other stuff I guess

Older stuff let me go into the forums

A little something maybe just call it early

This is an early show

Maybe you know I don't deserve to do a long show

since I have been neglecting the podcast listeners.

I really need to get those podcasts up.

And it's funny because last month, December,

I didn't update any December shows until the last day of the month.

And I think that's what's going to end up happening here.

All the January shows are going to go up on the last day of the month.

So everyone gets happy when they see, oh my God,

four new episodes, five, six new episodes of the show

because of the Monday show.

Oh my God.

But then they go through with drugs.

What happened to Hollywood anyway?

Anyway, he was here and he left.

I'm kind of worried about him.

He's a little upset.

A douche bag started being a douche and then he took off.

Yeah, yeah, I don't blame him.

Here's one.

Reclute, not reclute, Hollywood had found this for us.

We talked about the Jack Masterson heart attack burger prank calls.

I found them funny.

They're a little long.

There's two of them, I believe, or it's just one long one to two different people on the same call.

Regardless, listen to this.

We'll be right back.

Is this the restaurant with the burgers?

Is this the restaurant that has the burgers?

Hang on, I don't have feelings for her.

Best do to me, burgers I want.

Like, do the curbside thing.

I was just working out or something, you know.

I'm sorry for breathing so hard.

I've been working out, you know.

I'm Jack Masterson.

You want to take my order?

Triple men, please.

Is this the lady?

Who am I talking to now?

Speak up, man.

I'm Jack Masterson.

You hear me?

Trying to get takeout seating, but if you can't hear me, there's no sense in doing this because your phone sucks.

Okay, hold on one second.

Hello?

Who is this?

This is K-

Hi.

You sound like you're a person of authority.

What do you need?

I'm trying to make an order for takeaway.

Okay, and what would you like?

Your burgers.

What is your biggest burger?

What is the biggest burger?

They're all the same size.

Okay, well, they're-

I'd like two of those half-pound burgers with cheese, bacon, mayo, and mustard.

Okay?

The mayo and mustard will be on the side.

Okay.

I'm sorry for breathing so hard.

I was just working out.

Okay, what kind of cheese?

You know, I was working out.

I weighed 382 pounds.

I lost weight.

And I just started getting this pain in my chest in the middle of my treadmill workout.

I had enough of this.

You just worked out?

Burgers?

Yeah.

I had enough of this dieting thing.

What kind of cheese, Tom?

It feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest right now.

I'm done with this dieting stuff.

I see the working out.

What kind of cheese?

I'm just so stressed out with working out.

I can feel, it's like my whole arm is going numb, yeah?

A yellow American?

Have you ever had this feeling before from working out?

It's like there's an elephant, right?

His ass is right on my sternum.

I think I just need to eat.

Oh, God, it's like it's going all the way down my left arm.

Oh, God.

Look at that.

Yeah.

I think I just need to eat a little bit.

I've been stressing myself out.

What else do you want?

What else do you have for your fry over there?

Pardon me?

Oh, God.

What else do you fry?

I can't understand you.

You fry.

You fry, you know?

You, like, make fries?

You have a fry machine?

Okay, fries.

It's 75 cents extra.

You want two orders or one?

Uh, I think so.

Hello?

Yes, can I help you?

Hi, sir.

You sound like you're a man in authority.

Is that, would that be correct?

Yes.

What's your name?

My name's...

I've never had the hardest time riding with your staff, ever trying to make a to-go order.

And they put me through to three people, and the lady on the line is suggesting I call somewhere else.

Like, money not good here or something?

No, I don't understand.

What did she tell you?

She didn't tell me anything.

She said we're having a hard time hearing you.

Well, I was giving her my order for two burgers and fries.

You know, I'm sorry.

I'm just, I'm breathing heavy.

I was working out.

And I started getting this feeling on my chest.

Like, I, I, it's like thousand knives of fire, like, I don't know, it's like a lot, like something that's a big weight on my chest, like an elephant sitting on it or something.

And, uh, I don't know, I just had a window, I just, I figured I'd make an order for food, and she said she was going to put me on hold.

Did you get the order, at least?

I put, I put on here, too, to get your order.

I guess they're having trouble hearing back there, because we're having trouble hearing in the bar.

Well, I'm feeling, I mean, I sat down now, and I still feel the pressure a little bit.

Well, it's getting a little better.

I'm not, I mean, I'm losing the feeling, like my left arm is a little numb right now, but I think if, after I eat, I'll feel a little better.

What would you like?

I wanted two of those one-half pound rubbers with the patties, I want them stacked, like two in each one, you know, so like a whole pound.

So you want, so you want two in one bun?

Oh, God, ah, there it is again, oh, I can't hear.

Maybe you should call a doctor.

I'm sure after I eat, I'll feel a lot better.

It's just a huge pressure on my chest.

It just started.

I've lost like 40 pounds in the last month.

And I don't know if you've heard of me.

I'm Jack Masterson.

I was in the Sentinel the other week.

I had actual talk about me losing weight.

I've been working out, working out as much as I can.

18 hours a day almost just up.

I get up, I eat oatmeal.

And I started getting this pain in my chest.

I say, forget this shit.

I'm just going to give myself a burger.

Let it be.

Whatever happens.

It's just I've never had a pain like this before.

Oh, God, it's like my jaw is almost like...

You ever get this feeling before?

No.

It feels like I'm heartbroken.

I've never been brokenhearted before.

Maybe that's what it is, you know?

Oh, God.

I can shake it.

I don't think...

And I can drive down there.

I don't think it's safe for me to be walking around, though, you know?

Yeah, why don't you hang up on me and call 911 for an ambulance?

I'll get to that.

I'm going to drive myself to the hospital, I think.

that guy oh god oh man oh god you think i'm gonna stop lying you know you don't do the curbside

takeaway real quick i don't think eating was gonna help you i think you should just hang up

and then call an animal oh god hang on hang on i got it i got it i got it now

go blog back there it helps me to talk about it while i'm doing it sometimes could you hear the

echo i put some mattress up in the bathroom huh no i just call them to give you a waste of time

and make you put your resources somewhere else that's what i do that's my job dude that's what

i do that's my mo you don't like it you got a problem yeah what do you want to do about it

you got any bread you want some bread how much bread you want i'll give you some bread

hey what's your name boy no bread bread going once all right that's it madhouse radio is live

Thursday nights at 10pm Eastern

Why don't you shut the hell up

Fuck you, fuck you, fucking Taylor Swift

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com

Fuck you, fuck you, fucking piece of shit

That's what she told us way back in 2005, Milkman

And I think that we've done a good job of doing just that

That was an escort we called, remember that?

Yeah

Fuck you

I didn't say anything

You're fat, 382 pounds, you're fat

oh yeah yeah well you're fat then i called then i had lego call back no i called i know lego yeah

lego called back and uh and said hey yeah i'm sorry you know apparently someone called my

brother fat and he gets upset it's kind of you know the way he's like no no we didn't say that

we would not have said that no they're lying we have them on tape saying that the ladies in the

back was saying that you're fat that's horrible to say to someone like a fat person they don't

Don't say that to them.

You don't tell them they're fat.

What's that about?

Hey, we got a card.

Lonesome Loser.

Lonesome Loser sent in a card there, Milkman.

Milkman, we got a card.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Lonesome Loser.

Co-co-co-co.

All right, cool.

Give me just a moment.

I got to fix something on the phone machine here.

Madhouse Radio.

Getting ready to wrap things up here pretty soon.

We got a phone card that came in from Lonesome Loser.

Thank you.

Not only does he confirm, he also provides.

It brings to the table in many more ways than one, and we are all ways of one.

Many more of us making our way upon one altar.

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Coming up next, we have numbers to, I don't know, a Greek restaurant.

Let's call another Greek restaurant.

As a matter of fact, I don't know who I want to call.

We fucked with somebody at first.

Who did I get mad for a while there that I said I wanted to call back?

That's for Nick.

It's Greek Island.

Yeah, can I speak to Nick, please?

Nick, there is no Nick here.

What about Nico?

No Nico.

What about Gus?

No Gus.

How is there a Greek restaurant where there's no Nick, Nico, or Gus?

You know what?

There really isn't.

Yeah, that's like...

There's a Mario and a Minoli.

That's all Italian names, though.

No, those are Spanish names, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, those are the Puerto Ricans working there?

Um, sort of.

Oh, wow, that's crazy.

You know, that's like going to a black place and, you know, they give you bad service

and then you're surprised about it.

Yeah, yeah, you...

You agree that black people give back service.

I don't.

You just did.

You said, yeah, yeah.

I got you on tape.

Yeah, I was just trying to...

I got you saying yeah again.

...curate the conversation.

So, yeah.

I'm going to finish doing what I'm doing.

You're a racist.

Go cut your limes, woman.

Go ahead.

Okay.

I give you permission.

You submissive.

God, that's stupid.

Cutting her limes.

She's got so much to do.

Right.

Bullshit.

Let's call England.

It's Gootland, as a matter of fact.

Christopher MacDonald in Aberdeenshire, Scotland.

Let's give him a call, see how he or she is doing this morning.

Stand by.

It's a Scottish wake-up call because they're always so cheery at 5 in the morning.

Hello?

Hi, is this the woman?

Hey, woman.

Miss MacDonald.

Yes?

Hi, how are you, big lady?

I hope I didn't wake you up too early.

Is it too early?

Huh?

This is Valente.

I'm calling on behalf of Christopher MacDonald.

and he wanted me to give you a call

let you know that he's not going to be able

to make it into work

so you need to come over

and try to help him out with the diapers

I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about

I'm presuming they're related

because your last name is McDonald

and they both live in the same city

and then I realized this is Scotland we're talking about

and they're probably all last names

McDonald or McMurphy

McGriffin

what else

what's other good common Scottish last names

Milkman and Tuck

I'm trying to think here

Wilson?

I already got muted.

McDougal.

Well, if you keep making noise and playing music,

I'm going to have to block you for the quality of the show and the audio.

Dude, fucking somebody's calling me and I didn't answer the phone.

Why don't you put your microphone on mute until it starts ringing or something?

Because I'm not on that microphone.

I'm on the studio microphone.

But you couldn't cover it or you couldn't silence the phone?

I mean, is there no common sense over it?

Dude, it's a condenser mic.

How am I going to cover it?

It would make noises rattling.

to have common sense, Milkman.

Sometimes, honestly, I don't know where your head is.

I think you have... I don't know. You don't

compute. It's okay. You're a little

slow, Milkman. You're a slow man. You're old.

Old man, it's okay. It's your senile.

Look at me

away.

Hy-Vee gas. We're gonna call Hy-Vee gas.

And I'm gonna ask them about this problem

with Milkman. Maybe it's something to be concerned with.

You better stop using

antiperspirant deodorant, man. I think it's

fucking with you, the aluminum.

we're sorry your call did not go through will you please try your call again oh crap your call did

not go will you please try your call i'm getting bored with my show already i'm gonna call it a

night i believe milkman um there's nothing else to do i think we made a plenty of a statement here

um i don't feel like calling denny's because those never really go anywhere they're always

polite there and they just hang up big dicks buckhorn in uh and now we're calling belushi's

bar you have 50 minutes for this call the call is probably traveling beneath some kind of

underwater cable right now you think it's a satellite we're going probably satellite

i don't think we have a satellite link up sir can you try resetting your modem box please

the modem box i need you to kick you give a nice kick in the ass and you restart the

modem box so we can get the atm start working sir hello the atm the atm is not working that's

That's what I'm saying. We're trying to fix it. I need you to reboot the modem box.

I can't do that.

What are you doing right now? Why aren't you at your station? What's your ID number?

My ID number?

Yes.

And the number?

Do you have your papers on you?

No, I don't have it.

All foreigners are supposed to have papers.

Yeah, but you want anything just called after 8 o'clock in the morning?

Maybe I'll punch you in the face, jerk-off. Go reboot the modem box, you son of a bitch.

Come and push me.

I'm gonna push you on the floor

I'm gonna pull out my penis in front of you

Okay, come on, do it

How many mothers do you have?

Or how many fathers? I think it's more funny

Alright, that guy's funny

That guy, apparently he just hangs out there

There's a webcam there also

Was that on video? Let me know, folks

Let me know, Lonesome Loser, Nunu, Loser

Brothers and sisters

He says he thought it was passed out on the webcam

I'm pulling up the webcam feed now

I'll try to call him back, matter of fact

I'm not afraid

not screwed

we can only do

international calls

so we're going to

keep going tonight

it is not

not possible to

call any domestic

numbers right now

due to the

protections that

we have placed

since the raid

show on November

18th

December

I don't see

anybody there

on the camera

right now

Psychic Chuck

I hope you're

ready to go on

man because I

am about to

sign off

give me a

high sign

a low sign

Psychic Chuck

give me a sign

anytime

Psychic Chuck

we have confirmation

and I wish you

to stay tuned

for Psychic Chuck

Party Nation

coming up next

at

at syndicate radio dot tv psychic chuck um he's a good uh he's a good man uh he's listening

psychic party nation coming on next good show giving away prizes tonight i understand uh

he's got two tickets to that ufc fight this weekend uh over in las vegas be sure to look

after that i don't know what kind of content he's got so let us know in the chat room what

are you going to do for that are we showing our titties tonight for that i'll definitely do that

milkman take us out of here brother man tell this thing you know why because we love you we

We do it every week for you.

That's right, the most interactive radio comedy show you can do in every week.

Bring your friends.

Yes, your enemies.

As they're always welcome in the madhouse.

Without our fierce will, the militia.

That's a gentle weasel.

Oh, Manito Carlinho, thank you so much.

And all our little...

45 minutes for this call.

I see him on camera going for the phone.

Into the phone, he looked at the ID, he didn't answer it.

I'm watching him, the bastard.

Fucking prick that guy.

Lucky my spoof cutters are working

Mr. Foreigner in the coffee shop

In Edinburgh, England, wherever that is

Sounds like a nasty town

Milkman, are you done wrapping things up?

I'm sorry, I had to interrupt

I tried to prank call that guy again

I felt the spirit

Milkman, coffee's the color

Alright, Milkman, wrapped up

Alright, Milkman

I want to thank Milkman

What's the buzzer?

You see?

Peace out

Alright, good

Thank you, Milkman

And we love you too

Tuck is

We've got a website

Tuckermike.com

Be sure to check that out

Revolutuck

Revolutuck.blogspot.com

TugboatThomas.com

Yep.

And our website is MadhouseLive.com

ThreeFingerFreddy.com

Part of the last minute.

Thanks for sending in that phone call at the last minute.

Also, thank you very much, sir, for the good deal with the prank call confirmation.

Nunu for the ideas as well as the numbers.

The man that makes it all happen.

Sir Nunu.

The punks a lot.

Yeah.

We'll mess with this guy next week, Nunu.

Take it easy.

I'm out of here, guys.

guys. I'm out of gas. Bye.

Have a good week. End.

Hold up. I know what I wanted to talk about.

We had to talk about the news articles. Hang on. I can't leave

without doing the news. I promised that one guy

that we were going to talk about these news articles.

If you heard

about the clown car vagina

out here, this

illegal immigrant

popped out eight babies.

Did they all survive?

Two of them were cerebral palsy.

Oh, God. That's disgusting.

Two of them were cerebral palsy because they're so squashed up

up inside that thing the clown car vagina all right milkman here real quick i'm gonna run

through these because i wanted to get to them here number one uh and and we didn't get the

prank call we had the phone number and this guy in daytona beach owns uh owns a pizza restaurant

um uh the the kid uh was staying with the family and uh said hey i want a calzone but i don't like

feta cheese in it and uh and no sauce she likes a plain they called they order it they got the

the wrong thing they got it with the stuff in it they went back uh the uh they got beat up

apparently uh for complaining and asking for a return uh you know for a return on the money

return on invoice um apparently um like most people richard penny figured the mistake would

be corrected when he called you know to report about the problem with the calzone uh the guy

told him to come down there he went and went and went down there the guy said you know talk to him

outside and then said all right we'll tell you what come to the counter i'll take care of it

so they went up to the counter and the owner uh pistol with the guy and then called and said that

he tried to rob him and he was protecting himself but the and so the cop said you have video

surveillance and the guy's like yeah but it was turned off and it said bullshit and they turned

on the video surveillance they saw the video and they saw that he you know he just beat him up for

no reason uh so that is uh something right there um a plumber retrieved a 70 000 ring that was

flushed down a restaurant toilet

apparently some restaurant in Arizona

a woman dropped her

$70,000 wedding ring

$78,000 yeah dude

and they called

Mr. Reuter and two plumbers came out

and the guy ended up paying

I think the bill was like

$250 for a broken tile

$5,100

$5,100 really

a $5,200 bill from Mr. Reuter

plus $250 to retile the bathroom floor

600 to the plumber

and an extra 600 to the plumber

and to the employee of the diner who had to stay late

that's pretty interesting

I don't know what I'd do if I lost a ring

the city charged him $1500 on top of it all

that's a lot of money man

but I guess for a $70,000 ring

if you don't want to lose out on it

I guess you got to shell out

I guess it's not that big of a deal

I suppose

I'm not the expert on these things

but $70,000

it costs $78,000 to buy it

and it probably isn't even worth five or six yeah it's it's on the stone probably isn't um

as soon as you buy one dude the value goes to almost nothing a worker in walmart was uh

rolling bag prices too much apparently erica marie jones of windy hill road and roxy um

nevada um so her she went in she let her friend came in with uh the seven pairs of jeans a baby

be created pair of scrubs picture frame sweatsuit laundry detergent a bra four pairs of pants diapers

pizza coffee four 12 packs of drinks canned goods air freshener nachos noodles frozen goods chips

and a family pack of beef that all should have come out to 547 dollars and 50 cents erica sold

it to her for five dollars and 25 cents on the lolo uh they didn't make it out of the store

uh the woman got caught by surveillance paying only five something for over 500 worth of food

and items uh i when i worked at the i used to work for albertsons i used to be a bagger in a

grocery at a grocery store and i was a cashier there and i worked in the liquor store uh there

was this guy whose mom came in once and he skip scanned half the basically when you're scanning

stuff he would pick it up and move it over but not scan it and it was about half the order and

And his mom knew about it, and they found out really easily,

and they fired him right in front of the employees and in front of customers.

They came in there, and they took him right as soon as they had evidence,

pulled him right off his register, and they told him why in front of everybody.

It was a pretty big deal.

So pretty nasty.

Anyway, that's the news.

That's the news of the late.

I wanted to make sure I made a point of that.

Anyway, we're done.

Thank you again.

We're out of here.

Bye, Milkman.

Bye, Tuck.

Bye, ladies.

Bye, gentlemen.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (16, 46 min of 1 h 59 min)

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