2009-02-26 Show

You know what, you are, you are very, very rude, and again, you've mispronounced my name three times, and I said just call me John, I'm fine with that.

I'm sorry, I've already corrected you twice, how could you not say that?

I've already corrected you twice.

Mr. Overheimer.

And you said, send me to the wrong house, man, this is a fucking house.

You're a fucking, no, no, no, hold on, hold on.

Who the fuck is this, bro?

You fucking little shit, don't you fucking talk to me like that, you little.

Where are you, where are you, where are you, I'm gonna fucking fuck you up, dude, where are you?

Fuck you, you fucking shit.

Give me my wallet back, you asshole.

No, no, I don't give a fuck about your wallet, bro.

I'm telling you, you got the fucking wrong number.

Get your shit straight, bro.

Let me talk to him.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I'm going to fuck this motherfucker up, man.

I'm telling you, you got the wrong fucking number.

This is a house.

Who the fuck are you trying to reach?

Who the fuck is this?

This is House Radio Podcast.

Hey, everybody.

How you doing?

Madhouse Radio is back.

Yo, how's it going?

How's it flowing?

All right, man.

It's flowing pretty good.

You got a normal flow, good flow

Good flow, hi everybody

Thank you for joining me, Carlito with Milkman

How you doing, Milkman?

Milkman, how are you?

Oh, man, good to hear you, HappyTel

Man, how's things going, my brother?

Super, thank you for asking

How are you, Tuck? Tuck's here also, how you doing, Tuck?

Doing fine, thank you for asking, I appreciate it

Thank you for your concern

Thank you

You guys want to reach me?

Yep

If you guys want to reach me here tonight

You can

You have ways of reaching me

Figure it out

They're on the screen over there

I'm sure they're on the screen or something

Or in front of you

Yep

You guys are smart

MadhouseLive.com is the website

Visit us at MadhouseLive.com

If you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger

That's Madhouse Radio

That's my screen name, Madhouse Radio

Do you use MSN Messenger?

because then you reach me

at madhouseatlive.com.

Oh, fuck you, dude.

What do you use?

Google Talk?

Guess what?

It's a secret one.

I don't give a my Google Talk one.

Even though it's pretty obvious.

It's not that hard

to figure out, guys.

I'm eating Jell-O.

I'm on a diet.

I've lost some weight.

I got a thing where

I never eat Jell-O

with a spoon or utensil.

I always just use a straw

or just squeeze

squeeze the Jell-O container

in my hands, right into my mouth.

It's quite fun. It's quite fun.

It's kind of hard to eat Jell-O

while you're driving. I almost got into a car accident

when I was 18, trying to do that.

Not a...

That'll learn you.

That'll teach me.

Your jaws have been wired, shit.

Yeah, but hey, you gotta get that Jell-O.

You gotta get that last bit of Jell-O at the very bottom, you know?

You can just wait for it to melt if you want,

I guess, but not me.

What's wrong with drinking?

request to prank is always free and that's always at manhouselive.com just click on the button on

the very top that says request to prank like i said unlike the competition or the other weak

people there we do not charge you at all for the request to prank got plenty of uh phone numbers

here from uh lonesome loser okay heard like a a you went off the air like a tone went off the air

I feel like a weather tone was going to happen.

I have no idea.

What do you mean?

What, like the syndicate thing again?

No, like the weather alert.

Like an emergency alert.

Like a weather alert system.

Okay.

I'm just saying.

That's what came over my ears when the headphones came on.

I was wondering what was going on there in the studio.

I believe we talked.

That was very out of note on the left field.

We were allowed to take shelter.

I didn't know we had to set up with American emergency system.

Milkman wouldn't have heard it.

Surely Milkman heard this

He was on the table

I don't know man

We just had technical problems

I don't know

We did lose a video feed

On Syndicate for a minute

And it has not

It doesn't seem like

It's going to come back

Okay

Alright well here we go

We got the

I think they heard

Two in the jet room actually

Because they're talking

Atomic Hot Dogs

Is in

Medical Lake, Washington

It was at the

Hot Dog Shop

In Houston, Texas

Portillo's Hot Dogs

I feel like I know

It's Middleman

the hand which one the atomic hot dogs that sounds cool that'd be a hot dog yeah that would

be a metal man or something right yeah yeah that way that would be a good name for like a metal

that'd be a good name for a um a wrestling group like a naked girl uh spitting fire and i guess on

the cover yeah in an all doggy position a wrestling group will be good doggy style position oh yes i'm

all about the doggy style ladies you know me nothing like ass in my face nothing like that

bed of roses milkman how are you doing how's your week been milkman i haven't talked to milkman

since we did the show come back from under the table mama luca booga day milkman report what

are you doing what's happening you okay man my level sounds like low in the playback huh what

what huh yeah we hear you good you sound good apparently i got interrupted uh people are telling

Something's going on.

Something out of nowhere? Like what? What was it exactly? Like a beep? And then went off the air?

It sounded like a red alert or an EOS signal.

Yeah.

With our hands, you know, before the battle stations type thing.

That's not good. I don't know what caused that. I don't know. Maybe something else came in.

Maybe we moved from the Michaelis stream. I don't know. That's kind of weird, right?

You think we're a legitimate radio station getting the interruptions for the alert system?

Maybe we're at war. Who knows? Maybe we should all take shelter.

Hey guys, did you know I updated the podcast?

They're up to date, finally, finally up to date

I did

Everyone keeps asking where the fuck the bank is

Even the Zolar show

I see Zolar made it home fine today

He flew away from the Orlando area

I have yet to hear the Zolar show

I still need to download this

It's ready to go

It's the most recent episode in our podcast over at the madhouselive.com site.

So I want to say what's up to everybody listening to us tonight, everyone in the chat room.

DTT's in the house.

Hold on.

MST3 Clake.

All right.

Kokanee, the news director.

We've got a little hacker right here in the room.

He's just as good as ever, DTT is.

Kokanee's the news director of Madhouse Radio.

He's in the house.

Gain Green is here also.

Occasional prank caller.

Nunu.

Long time no see.

Big Tug is in the house.

Milkman is in the house.

Lonesome Loser, I already said, is sending in numbers.

I told you some of those already

This phone ringer is going to be way too loud today

I'm going to put that on low

So it doesn't bother me

So guess what

Guess who's not coming over anymore

Milkman if you could stop the music please

Guess who's banned

Out of all the people

We all know Zolar is meticulous

When it comes to cleanliness

Athena

Athena's not allowed over anymore

Evil Artie is not allowed over anymore

I'm going to tell you why

I want you guys to actually see

What are you doing poop on the pillow again

yeah i wonder why i'm gonna put it on the pillow you know i don't have because i had to switch

cameras let me get it over here i had to switch feeds but evil already comes over all right last

week when zolar's here for the show and uh fucking guy ate three bags of candy here to my right

candy all over the floor rapid there's still wrappers over here at the very uh under under

the other is i don't know how they got all the way over there the man the man ate three whole

whole bags of candy

and had like five

cans of Mountain Dew

and this, it was

kind of like this

Laffy Taffy stuff

that fell on the

ground and he

stepped all over

the show.

It was all stuck

everywhere, man.

The carpet and

everything.

There are black

stains in the

freaking ass carpet

now because of him.

I'm trying to get

the picture over

here real quick.

Milkman, try to

entertain the

monkeys.

Wave a nickel in

the listener's

face.

I'm sorry, guys.

I'm winging from the banana tree here.

We left to the right.

I'm connecting to the network right now.

I want you guys to see what this kid did in my house.

This is horrible.

No more bacon bras, man.

He destroyed the carpet.

You need to know we're out there with carpet just in the studios

just to keep hosting them kind of idiots.

We got made a huge...

I mean, these are the kind of stains that are not going to come out.

This is like...

I think I just...

I got to get...

There's no choice.

You're going to have to get the carpet replaced, I think, at this point.

I don't think you can steam clean stuff.

no it's like it's like getting gum in your hair at this point it is worse than that crazy fucker

what's going on you fucker crazy man i just i told already laughed didn't i he fucking asked

man you see what he did i'm going to show you in a second here what he did that jerk ruined my

carpet why would you and what are you drinking tonight cheap wine again dollar store oh man

hey man i'm drinking some shit it's called high gravity you ever heard of hurricane high gravity

I've never heard what is it.

What's in it?

Well, I don't know, man.

I think fucking government gave this shit to me.

It fucking told me it was supposed to be some kind of fucking auger bitch.

It's 8.1 alcohol by volume, man.

I got a couple of 40-ouncers.

I drank one of them, and I'm working on my second one.

God damn it.

Fucking all these augers.

Dude, I'm having ass bash-bash back in the 60s.

God damn it fucking shit, man.

Hell yeah, I hear you.

Yeah!

Hey, well, it got down.

No, you actually did, and I didn't appreciate that.

Actually, you know, he didn't want to leave.

As a matter of fact, it was 2.30 in the morning.

That's right.

2.30 in the morning, and the guy's taking his sweet-ass time eating hamburgers

or eating sandwiches in the middle of my living room floor.

Listen, listen, listen.

That was great what you did there.

I took Artie out, and you guys went on the road there.

That was kind of fun.

And I listened to it all.

Did you like it?

Was it good radio?

I loved it, brother.

You thought it was good radio?

It was radio, man.

All right.

It was fucking great radio.

Fuckin' damn good.

Well, we need a lot.

We've been losing fans.

Fuck, man.

Them people are Obama-tucking people.

They're just psychopaths.

We're dividing up the sheeps and the goats, right?

Is the psychopaths that believe that when that army can solve your problems

and that you've got a government,

they're the fucking...

They're the fucking the sheeps.

And, like, now tell me this, man.

It's like, listen to me, man.

It's like all that's real on this fucking planet

As far as you and me

And all your listeners out there

And the other six

Let's play how long can crazy fucker go on in the background

I'll interject with a hi every once in a while

How long until he gets to the Jews

It's 10.36 by my time here

So we'll start

Yeah exactly man

It's fucked up

And you Republicans

Let's see there we go

I got him going again for another few minutes

Let's see

anyway so taking a look here enough for another 10 minutes here we got the habana cuba restaurant

here also that looks looking good a guy named raul r-a-u-r-a-u-e-l unless we got sloppy's

barbecue i mentioned before glenda big lady that's that's that's the name of a fat girl

Let's draw a crazy fucking prank call.

You are a Republican, sir.

You're a, you know, look at you.

You're talking, ever since Obama got elected,

you've been nothing but poo-pooing him and the administration

and talking down about the Obama presidency.

You know why?

Do you want to know fucking why they're calling you?

Why?

Because they're this.

All right, let's get him on with a prank call here.

Hopefully he hasn't hung up by now.

manipulating us listen listen they've been manipulating us for the last two thousand

fucking years they're all the same handful of people they're all the same handful of

fucking people dude there ain't nothing new under the sun or the moon that's right okay now okay now

now yeah you know george w bush was a fucking uh empire right and they put him in office

And all of a sudden, man, people started smelling how bad his shit stank, right?

So all of a sudden now, it's all flipped over now to your generation,

where they're trying to destroy the white race off the blue.

The white women, they want them white women to lay down with fucking niggers.

What are they trying to do?

They're trying to destroy.

They're trying to twirl into a blood race.

Meanwhile, they're being manipulated.

Red Chinese communists.

Communists.

Fucking communists.

What about the Cubans?

Cuban communists.

Now, listen to me, dude.

Listen to me.

Yeah, guy.

Did you ever go to Cuba?

Sir, did you ever go to Cuba, Raul?

Talking to you, Carlito?

Hey, hey, hey, buddy.

Are you there?

Are you ready to take our order?

Carlito.

Carlito, have you ever been to Cuba?

You're from Florida, right?

Have I ever been to Cuba?

Yes, I have, actually.

Yes, I have.

I flew to Cuba once on my private system.

To place a call, press 1 to listen.

How'd you connect the two?

Carlito.

No, no, I've never been to Cuba, Raul.

Well, Carlito, I feel sorry for you there, dude.

You're an East Coast fucking guy.

Them people, them Cuban people, are good fucking people, man.

They're righteous fucking people.

It's too bad they're ruled by fucking communists.

Okay, well, it is too bad, and Fidel Castro and Che Guevara had good intentions,

but ended up bastardizing it, crazy fucker, bastardizing it.

Okay, now, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, now, I'll raise another point there.

It's too bad that we're being ruled over by fascist capitalists.

I know.

Crazy fucker, you're going to have to get with me later,

because this is the time of the show where we dance and stuff, all right?

All right, now, listen to me.

Hey, did you get married there?

Did you have your big wedding there?

Not yet.

Not until you preside over the wedding, crazy fucker.

Well, actually, actually, the pro...

Jesus Christ, sometimes.

We don't take crazy fucker calls this early,

and I got a weird ick feeling.

That Cuban guy.

Mary Q, that would be great.

That Cuban guy's probably like,

what the hell is going on?

He just picks up next thing he knows

is some crazy guy talking about George W. Bush

and the Nazis and this and that.

Everything else that he can figure out

what to talk about, crazy fucker, that guy.

Let's do some more prank calls, please.

We're really lacking tonight.

You know, we could just like,

we could have like a 10-minute rant

and then just like pipe it into a call

even when he's not there on the phone.

Right, yeah.

And to see how people react.

Stock audio of him, right?

Just say, yeah, my granddad's over here pissed off.

He'll figure out what it is.

Yeah, we have plenty of it.

Someone who is willing to sit down and take those files and compile a lot of crazy fucker rants in a row.

And send them back to us so we can use them in some sort of a phone call.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

We're going to call Atomic Hot Dog.

Home of the Atomic Hot Dog.

Have you been talking to Hollywood lately?

Hollywood does not want to talk to me.

We're not speaking terms anymore

I don't want to talk to him

He doesn't want to talk to me

No we're not

Oh shit

Speaking terms anymore

We got into an argument

On the phone

I prank called him

I was so angry

Last time I talked to him

He said you know

No no

Last week he had strep throat

He sent me an email

Said I got strep throat

I can't listen to the show

Said you're going to miss a good show

Zolar is going to be here

With Evil Artie

Etc etc

And that's the last I ever heard from him

I haven't heard from him since

I don't know

I think he might be upset

Because I put up the

Madhouse Militia thing

on the website, I didn't want to bring it up on the air

but if you're

interested, if you think you can volunteer some

services here, we're just trying to get some help

in promoting the show on various

avenues, I put up some openings

and one of them I put up was prank call editor

because it's hard for me to get to prank calls

and Hollywood did such a good job of it

but Hollywood's unable to do it right now, he's too busy

he's got too much going on

and he's a busy man

he's working two jobs I believe

and he's got a kid and he's got a family to take care of

and personal time and work is busy

and all that. So I don't know if maybe

he thinks that I'm trying to replace

him. I got

used to the quality

service that he was doing. It was awesome to be able to

have prank calls that I edited

and put in the forums.

Yeah, the reason

if I could

have any, I would take it down if he could come back.

I even thought about talking to him about

seeing if we can work something out

where I help him out.

It's not easy to edit prank calls.

To go through all those

you know we do

several hours a week

a show

they go through that

and pick out

seems like he's got

like some health issues

you know

no he doesn't have health

not that I know of

he got into a car accident

he's alright

he's just you know

a busy guy

I'm busy

you know

I remember he hurt himself

then he was sick

and

then he got strep throat

I don't know

you gotta look into that

maybe he needs to

get his chakra out

well I know that

affects your ability

to listen too

and diabetes

diabetes too

get one of those

hot Zolar babes

over there

to go and give him

I rubbed down

Rubbed his throat

And his neck

Right right right

My neck

My back

DFF is asking

Is the Mogulus thing broken

Is this playing

Chh noise

Yeah I had to turn off

The audio on Mogulus

Let me try to turn it

Back on now

I don't know

You tell me

From what I understand

It was just giving

Really bad feedback

So I don't think

It is still anyway

So I'm keeping

The audio there

If you want to

Listen to the show

Well I guess

You can't really tell

Because you'd be

Listening already

Alright

What's the point

I'm getting sick man

Everyone should

Always know

To go to the shop

Outcast Streams.

Always.

We're syndicate.

We're always on syndicate also.

Coke Hydrate.

I had that down here.

Yeah, me too, yeah.

On the big board over here, Tuck.

My favorite part of the show, the big board.

Huh?

Big board?

Oh, my God.

No, where?

Where is he?

The big board.

Where's the big board?

I was in Target, and I was taking a look at the hydration products.

Seriously, though, I was in a soda aisle, and I took a look at the new designs for

the two-liter bottles of Coke products, Coke, Diet Coke, et cetera, et cetera.

They're making a big thing about hydrate now.

It's like Coke.

Did you know you must hydrate yourself?

You should hydrate yourself.

70% of the world's surface is covered in water.

You should hydrate yourself.

Drink Coke to hydrate yourself.

I'm like, oh, God, you've got to be kidding me.

This is the worst thing in the world ever to hydrate yourself with Coke.

Hydrate yourself with this, which is chock full of acid and sugar.

Rot your teeth out while you're at it and screw up your insides.

Embalm your insides of your body

With this Diet Coke

Hydrate yourself while you're at it

Probably is worse for you than anything

I'm excited

Tomorrow I'll be watching

The movie Che

Part 1

I didn't get to see it last weekend

But I already bought my tickets

Me and Nathena are going to go right after work

6.30pm tomorrow here in Orlando

We're going to see part 1

Part 1 meaning there's like a series of these

Well they made

They made one big four and a half hour movie

And they cut it up into part one and part two

And here in Orlando

They released part one

Last weekend

And then part two comes out tomorrow

But I'm only going to be watching part one

I see

That's interesting

If I'm not too tired

I might actually stay for the second

Right after the 6.30 showing

Will be the 9.30 showing of part two

And if I'm feeling up to it

I might

Depending on if you're into it and you like it and you're not worn out by it.

Right, not worn out by it.

If not, I'll watch it on maybe Monday or later on during the week, next week.

I'm very excited about it, though.

It looks really good.

I've seen the trailers.

I've been following it for some time.

And Che Guevara, what can you say?

I was thinking to myself, I have a Che Guevara shirt that I've only worn once.

Because I don't want to wear it because I realize if he was around,

He would probably be against his likeness being sold on shirts to make money, you know, such a capitalistic thing.

I really doubt he would have been down with that.

Yeah, it's a pop culture iconic thing.

Yeah, but I don't agree with it.

I'm not going to be the white boy walking around with the Che Guevara show and the dreadlocks.

The original, a lot of people don't know this, the original, the fist logo for the show.

it was Che

over at my house show

yeah

it was Che

it was

and they pulled it off

of um

where is it

where do we have

our store at now

that no one buys

anything

cafe press

yeah

they said

cafe press

well they had a rule

um

they said you know

you can have

historical figures

but you can't have

like celebrities

but if they're

historical figures

you can put them on

so I was like

okay great

you know

that's gonna work out

and they pulled it off

and I guess

the person who took

that famous picture

of Che

that you see everywhere

um

he's

He's some French guy, right, that snapped a picture of him in Havana or something.

And he's very, like, against...

Saturn t-shirts and things and posters everywhere.

Everywhere, everywhere.

And he's against it.

Every t-shirt company prints this.

Yeah, and he's against it 100%.

Like, he doesn't, you know, acknowledge that he's given the rights up to the picture

and he's gone to court several times.

You know, a cafe press goes, you can't do it.

Ridiculous, people, ridiculous.

I'm boring the hell out of you people.

Let's call the Big Bopper drive-in.

Who knew they had drive-ins still?

Wow, drive-ins.

There's a useless trivia for the hardcore fans out there.

Smoke weed every day.

There's another piece of trivia.

Name who's...

He was in the chat room last week.

Hey, do we got any news stories for this week?

Maybe.

It depends if I get an apology from somebody or not.

What about this story about Bush?

What about him?

Why don't you say the story?

Pull up the news story.

You have him there in front of you.

Tell us what it is.

Huh?

What is the story about Bush?

He went to Walmart or went to a grocery store to steal the poor black guy's job.

Bastard.

Rap bastard.

Moves into Dallas.

George W. Bush moves into Dallas, right?

First thing he does, goes to the local Walmart for an appearance and says he's there to take the greeter job.

And the poor black man that works there was with him.

They took pictures together.

But that's not fair.

Why are you going to go there and scare a black man saying you're going to steal his job?

You know how things are right now.

You're the freaking president.

He's got a secret service for life.

He's got a nice house.

The guy's rich.

People are going to get

serious, Gigi.

God.

Jesus.

Digital Bounty says

he loves it when I send

A messages to remind

that the show is on.

I do that on purpose.

You know,

he's not necessarily

calling us,

but I let you know

when we go on live.

So if you're online,

you know,

you don't miss it.

I like the one about

the naked guy

going to church.

Oh my God,

what's that?

A naked guy

wanted to go to the church?

That sounds like

one of the Noonoo stories.

Oh, it does.

Totally.

I can totally see Noonoo

trying to get into

a church naked.

give me a second folks i'll be right back thank you go to church yeah what happens don't go

anywhere please what happens what's the joke what's the baseline it's still in this country

that's great how many drive-ins are left i heard there's only like oh my god there's only like 50

left right something like that uh what do you do there you clean the bathroom what do you do there

do you work there or are you just picking up the phone yeah i get the order okay so do you um like

Like, when I come in, do you charge by the car, or do you charge by the number of people

that's coming in?

Oh, it's not really a drive-in.

It's just a name.

Oh, dude, that sucks.

You have, like, the fake cars that I can sit in over there.

Uh, no.

Let me tell you something.

Here's how it is.

I was conceived, I was conceived in the back of a car, like, in a drive-in, as my mom

always told me.

So, for my mom's 50th anniversary, I wanted to bring her over, you know, to a drive-in,

but we can't find her.

They're all gone.

They're closed.

There's none in town.

all the screens are torn down nothing left i was really holy you don't know of any like real drive

in maybe that i could i just want to take my mom and we have a we have a ford aerostar and you know

i'll drive it i'll park it and while the movie's playing you know they have a little romance and a

little white wine in the back um some strawberries and they just you know do what comes natural

it's a beautiful thing and it's not my dad i mean he's you know yeah it's not my real dad it's just

my mom. So, is it a drive-in theme? Does it look like a drive-in inside? Kind of. It's

just like, pretty much like a dining room. Like a dining? Yeah, like just outdoor or

inside. Yeah? Yeah, it used to be a drive-in. Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice, so

it's just a, okay, hey, how old are you? Are you like 17 or something? Yeah, I'm like

Like 16.

16?

Do you have like pubic hairs and all that?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's cool.

You don't smoke weed, do you?

No.

That's good.

Don't do that.

How are you doing in school?

Pretty good.

Where do you want to be when you grow up?

Actually, probably auto mechanic.

Really?

That's it?

That's where you're going to go on that?

Yep.

You can have a little bit of ambition?

What was that?

To have a little bit of ambition.

Maybe you should just go get your associate's degree or something first, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, try for that, man.

And, you know, take some student loans out.

I recommend don't go to school the first year.

You'll take a trip the first year.

You'll go out and have fun.

All right, kid?

All right.

How are you doing?

I'm good.

That's good.

You busy?

it yeah all right do you have what do you like what do you have playstation 3 or xbox what's

the best one ps3 yeah hell yeah man awesome kick ass bro all right well hey uh you go out

you have yourself a great night all right all right buddy see you later nice kid that guy

nice kid's got pubic hairs too i don't want to give the guy a hard time

you guys are sitting there chilling hey yeah how are you doing hey buddy

Oh boy

We got Andres Cuban and Puerto Rican

And that's all it says

Andres Cuban and Puerto Rican in San Diego

Cuban and Puerto Rican huh

That's all we get

Cuban and Puerto Rican

We don't know if it's a restaurant

We don't know if it's bitches

I don't know man

There's no Puerto Rican sandwich

There's a Cuban sandwich

Submarine sandwich

There you go

I heard Sean Ward is getting off the boat

Sean Ward dot net

S-E-A-N Ward

Sean Ward and

Prackmaster

I don't know

Some island

Some

You know

Pacific country

I don't know dude

I don't know

Somewhere that

White people

Like to go to

Anyway I'm going

On a cruise

What am I talking

About

My god

I'm like six

Months away

From my cruise

And my wedding

And this and that

I was talking

To some of the

People that were

Going to be at

The wedding

you know they're talking about their plane flights are already booked up and stuff milkman have you

you haven't even booked your plane flight yet have you dude milkman no you're gonna book your

plane flight man it's getting kind of close it's uh three months away matter of fact three months

away from when you less than three months away three months when you're gonna book your plane

flight they're gonna book up bro i don't think you're supposed to do it any later than two months

before i'm not sure if i'll be i'll be working here i'll be working out of town that's the

a problem right you don't know where you're gonna be son of a gun well hey don't forget when you

start your next job you let them know hey by the way there you let them know i got a drive you let

them know i got a thing all right you let them know i got a thing in may end of may may 20 if

you're gonna are you gonna come for the show we're gonna do a show syndicators are out there

listening remember of course i'm trying to spread the word i'm trying i'm pushing if you few people

if not if if there's not a lot of syndicate people that are interested in meeting up for a

a show like in Atlantic City, then it's just

going to be me and Milkman, and

I'm going to try to get Lonesome Loser to come out,

and Jim Stewart's going to fly in,

he said. Yeah. And

he's coming, he's about to pick up Lonesome

Loser, man. Lonesome Loser, for sure.

DTT said he'll come, and we'll bring

DTT with us, and Andy will be

there, and we'll,

fuck it, you know, Andy's brother might come.

Isn't Andy bringing the dead?

No, the dead is actually,

I don't know, where has the dead been? I haven't

seen or heard from the dead in forever.

milkman do you have his phone number can we give him a call can you please send me his phone number

i talked to him just uh this morning why doesn't he talk to me he never calls me talks to me

messages me what's with the dad i want to talk to him milkman uh i mean you know he's a jerk

he's a prick that guy well he forgot about me all of a sudden milkman his number right away

i'm gonna give him a call on the i don't care if i wake him up i don't care who cares

freddy's bar is here also guys come on we're gonna call the pink panthers cleaning service

have the music for the pink panther cartoon good good cartoon there you go that's the one

this is the closest i can get if there's a new remake of the pink panther they should have this

song the remake of the panther they've been like 10 of them leslie nielsen the guy from the guy

from the office will ferrell yeah my penis and i'll send it to you in my email yeah man good

Yo, buddy, this is your old pal in milk, man.

You guys come on short notice, or how soon can you guys...

Like, if I had a cleaning job for you, how early can I tell you,

I need you to come clean this place?

You guys want to work?

I'm sorry, no English.

You speak Spanish?

Yeah, I speak Spanish.

Yeah, that's too bad.

Yo hablo Español, pero...

Hablo Español poquito.

Yeah, I'm not going to speak it.

I don't want to.

Okay?

I don't feel like it.

Maybe when you come to the country, you speak the language?

if you want to work.

You know what?

I was going to give you a contract, sir,

for lots of money, lots of dinero,

but since you did not want to answer

and put someone on the phone who's American,

you're not going to have that business

and you're going to lose that because,

you know why?

Because you are not bilingual, sir.

You know, they tell us when we grow up,

you need to learn Spanish,

you need to learn bilingual,

you need to be bilingual to make more money, right?

No, no English at all, huh?

Where are you from?

Yes, I speak Spanish.

No, no, no.

You don't speak Spanish.

Yes, I speak Spanish.

You don't speak English.

No, I'm Puerto Rican.

I speak Spanish.

Speak Spanish because I don't understand.

No, no.

I'm not going to speak Spanish to you.

No.

I refuse.

No.

English only or hang up the phone.

Dependemos.

See you later, man.

He's like, oh, yeah, yeah.

I speak Spanish.

Oh, good.

Too bad.

He's like, oh, man.

Get out of here.

It's my fantasy to do that at work one day

when I get a Spanish phone caller

that I will

they will ask me

do you speak Spanish

and I say

oh yeah

I speak Spanish

oh good

and I say

nope sorry

I can't speak it

I'm not going to

talk it to you

I can't wait for the day

to do that

one day I'll do that

that'd be funny

that'd be rude

that'd be so mean

my dad and my mom

would be like

angry

that'd be funny

so

can you imagine

that would have to be

like a day that I knew

I was going to quit

I would do that

Spanish person calling

that's a good one there

si

hola pañon

oh que bueno

Too bad I'm not speaking it to you

Wait a minute

Don't you get paid extra to speak Spanish?

No, none of my job

Damn Yankees

We're calling the dead

Good one there, Milkman

Wow, man, 0 for 2

0 for 2, Milkman

All right.

Did you try the mobile number?

I'll try it again.

All right, now try this one here.

This is the only other one I got.

The number you have dialed is not in service.

And why are you sending me one that says woman answer?

Wow.

All the numbers are dead now, huh?

They're dead.

Come on, the dead man.

Don't be dead.

Unavailable.

Please leave the number you are trying to reach.

Thank you for calling.

All righty.

I guess he's not there.

I'm not going to leave him a message.

He might be with a lady.

What was his number, man?

He might be with a little lady right now.

Right, Tuck?

He could be with a little girl in his room.

Oh, him and Emmy might be getting in on it.

He's in the gigantism.

Ew, really?

Call that woman's number.

Jesus.

Who's the woman, Milkman?

I want to call.

Hey, woman.

Woman.

What are you talking about?

Who am I going to call?

Who's the woman?

Is this the one that Nunu's sending it in?

Ooh, look at her.

She looks old.

Yeah, married.

So what's her deal?

Look at that old hag.

a radical feminist philosopher and theologian.

Feminist philosopher.

She taught at Boston College, a Jesuit-run institution, for 33 years.

Agreed to retire from Boston College in 1998 after violating university policy

by refusing to teach to male students.

Oh, God, she's up to me.

Oh, God.

What has got her panties in a twist?

She refused to teach male students?

Yeah, God, her panties are probably seriously stank.

No kidding, man.

They're probably sour.

Sour. Smells like sour milk and shit.

Sour milk and shit.

Yeah, let's call her. What's her name?

Mary.

Yeah.

All right, let's do it.

What do you say there, old girl? How you doing, sweetie?

Who are you?

This is Valente.

It's been a while since I spoke with you.

I was wondering if you were going to be back in town pretty soon.

I was wondering if maybe you wanted to meet up for lunch,

maybe get one of those hamburger sausages we used to get all the time.

Okay, why don't you give me a call?

No, wait a minute.

I'm not at home.

I have a little bit of time where I can squeeze you in.

I just wanted to, you know, make sure they didn't catch you at a bad time.

Did I wake you up?

Yeah, well, I'm thrilled, okay?

I really have to go to sleep now.

Old lady, listen.

Old lady, I command you to stay on the phone.

Name of the man.

I'm trying to call her back.

And she said she was at her home.

She has to go to sleep.

I'm going to ask her, how is she going to go to sleep if she's not at home?

Lover's place.

At the hotel to have, um...

Getting a corn cob shoved up her backside.

Her vagina's...

Ah, sure.

You know, how are you going to go to sleep if you're not at home?

If you're not at home, why are you going to go to sleep?

stupid woman that's right taught her a lesson then i'm not sure what else sure what else she

must be used to well it's calling back i was now being traced by at&t security and call tracing

network you will be prosecuted to the full extent how many viewers and listeners do we have we got

30 people on the mouth 26 on syndicate 56 total not bad not bad it's either 26 or 126 those are

Is it really good or really...

Someone tell me.

Doo-wop.

I haven't seen Doo-wop in a long time.

What's up, Doo-wop and Seneca?

How you doing?

Maven is in the mouth.

Thank you, Maven.

Maven is our only female listener, with the exception of Nunu.

Because we're just not sure.

We're just not that sure about you, Nunu.

I don't know, bro.

I don't think Nunu has made a decision yet as to his final sex assignment.

Oh, it's not her.

I think Wanker is probably his main choice.

Nunu.

Asexual Nunu.

All right.

The next prank call of the night

Is going to be Freddy's bar

I don't know about this one

I don't feel good about this one guys

But we'll give it a shot

A shot

Bar you know

You know it's too noisy

They can't hear you

And they hang up on you

Exactly

That's what I predict

Like hey

Who's this

Valente

Click

I gotta hear you

Gotta call my lawyer

I gotta go

I gotta hear you

I gotta go

We're so bad at criticizing ourselves

Or just me I guess

Tuck never does prank calls on here

No

He does it on some...

I'm Tug.

I'm a revolutionary guy.

I'm Che Guevara.

I'm the Che Guevara of prank calls.

That's what I figured,

that you're going to make a lot of noise

when you pick up the phone,

just like everyone figured, right?

Sorry?

Can you tell those people to be quiet in the background, sir?

I'm in a bar.

Yeah, well, just ask a few of them to be quiet.

Hold their voices down for a little bit

so I can talk to you.

I'll wait right here.

I'll be right here.

I can't hear you that well.

It's a little annoying.

You're just asking to turn the music down or something?

I...

Well, just for a few seconds.

inside, it's got to communicate with you. I want to make sure

you get all this information right.

What, are you half-assing this job again? What's your name?

Sorry, may I ask your name? This is Valente.

I want you to write that down. V-A-L-E-N-T-E.

Valente.

Alright. I need you to tell the manager

to give me a call. There's a problem with the water there.

The water? Yeah, there is.

You guys haven't changed the filters out for a while, it looks like,

because you've got small little particles in the water

that was coming out. That's leaching into the

water table. We checked at the water table

from outside at the DMARC

location, and it's definitely coming.

You know, there's a source either from your place there or right next door.

We spoke to the people next door, and they had the legitimate paperwork,

and we had them when they came in through the county district most recently.

What is the manager's name?

Who's going to be calling me at what time?

I need to know.

I need to make sure that you...

Actually, the owner is here.

What's the owner's name, I said?

His name's John.

John.

John what?

All right.

Can you let him know?

While you get him on the line, I'm also going to need your federal tax ID while you're at it.

Like, just for the business.

But if you can get him on the line, I'd be happy to talk.

Tell him Valente is on the line, please.

Okay.

Thank you.

I'm going to get kind of loud.

I'm going to get these inside.

Mr. Oven Creamer.

Try to keep it down, please.

Hold on.

I'll get Mr. Oven Creamer.

Mr. Oven Creamer?

Creamer.

He said creamer.

I thought it was creamer.

Oven Creamer.

Yeah, creamer.

Culver Creamer.

Mr. Oven Creamer.

Adolph, do you need tantalizers?

Hello?

Yes, I'm going to speak with Mr. Oppenheimer.

John Oppenheimer.

Oppenheimer, I got you.

Okay.

How do you spell that?

Who am I speaking with?

This is Valente.

I'm calling.

There's an issue with the water table, sir.

We check with the most adjacent unit as well as yours.

Most definitely have on file here with a recent unit.

They actually did follow through with the water filtration system outside.

We advise you folks that everybody had to have this in place on a six-month basis,

and we don't see any wrecker here.

You guys have fixed it out.

The water table test came back from the county,

and it's showing that it's coming.

It was either from your location or the closest unit to the east,

and they're checking out fine.

What address, what unit are you talking about to the east?

Your most closest unit to the east or your unit would have been where it was coming from.

Right, well, if you're with the water company, I just want to know what the address is.

The water administration, this is Manchester 4112 I have here, correct?

No, and I understand that, but what's the address you said that checked out and they were just fine?

It says the most adjacent, I don't have the information, I just got the, Manchester 4112.

Well, I just, you said that you said something to me six months ago, but I just lost sight of it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Mr. Oppenheimer, what's going on?

Is that you folks haven't apparently...

It's Ober Kramer, you just call me John, my last name is Ober Kramer, not Oppenheimer, John, you just call me John.

I mean, I prefer not to be put in a position where I have to do the first name basis, Mr. John.

Regardless, what I did, basically, you folks...

You're mispronouncing my name, though.

I'm saying, I would much rather you use my first name.

I'm mispronouncing your name.

You know what?

You are very, very rude.

And, man, you've mispronounced my name three times.

I said, just wait, John.

I'm fine with that.

I understand.

I didn't understand, sir.

I just, I didn't know I was saying your name wrong.

I apologize, okay?

I'm sorry.

I've said it to you twice.

How could you not say that?

I've already corrected you twice

Mr. Overheimer

To place a call

Press 1

To listen to your recorded call

Oh god I gotta speak

We gotta call him back later

He got pretty excited about his name

Mr. Oven Creamer

How about you get your shit off

Mr. Richard Creamer

You gotta call the guy back

Mr. Oven Creamer

I think we got all of you wrong

That's scary to read hard.

Could you pray for me?

Sounds just like him.

In the city of St. Louis.

Located 3-1-12 Manchester and the Grove.

3-1-

Fuck your facts.

We'll call him back later from a different school.

What the hell is Chump John?

That guy was funny, though.

Who needs Chump John?

We ain't a bunch of chumps, but you are, because you called.

That's for Carly.

Chump, chump, chump.

Quickie's convenience store.

That's from last week, I believe.

I'm looking at numbers from last week, I think.

Which is this job in Cranor?

Hoppy the Clown.

Let's go Hoppy the Clown.

Shit, Jacksonville.

All right.

Hello?

Hey, what do you think about this fucking chimpanzee that's in the White House right now?

His name's Barack Obama.

He pisses you off as he curdles your blood, Mr. Crazy Fucker.

Mr. Fucking Republican Redneck.

Hey, now, can you talk with me for a couple of minutes?

I'll give you two, and I'm up against a hard break.

All right, now let me ask you a question.

I'm up against a hard break, crazy fucker.

Okay, now let me ask you a question there, Carlito.

We ain't no jogger, mamba, ramba, flippin' dudes there.

We ain't no gangbangers.

We ain't no criminals.

We ain't no fuckin' biker, outlaw, fuckin' scum, fuckin' piece of the shit

that put on their identities in the morning.

I mean, they're like doctors and bankers in the daytime,

but at night they drive Harley Davidson motorcycles and they mass murder innocent people.

We ain't them kind of people.

But let me ask you a question there.

Yeah, what's his eye back there?

You're on the East Coast there.

I want you to talk down George Bush and Dick Cheney.

Oh my god

He's like extra

Fucked up tonight man

Jesus

Look at this guy

Yeah he is like

Fucking drinking

That

Leonidi

And 7up

Tonight

Oh my god

Hey

Check your G

Check your G-Tog

Yeah yeah yeah

And most definitely

A quick shout out

To RBCP

From

PhoneLosers.com

Thank you man

For being in here

Welcome

Crazy fucker

Can you give a shout out

Real quick to RBCP

From PhoneLosers.com

Please

Oh what

Yay

Shut up Milkman

RBCP

From PhoneLosers.com

Give a quick shout out to the guy would you

What does that stand for

RBCP

I'm not sure what do you think it stands for

RCMP

RBCP

Romeo Bravo Charlie

What's P

Pedro

Do you know the album

All the fuck would you want me to eat up, man?

I'm trying to tell you something, man.

All right.

I'm trying to tell you something.

Crazy fucker, how much have you had to drink tonight?

I'm trying to tell you something.

For the love of fucking God.

Crazy fucker, how much have you had to drink tonight exactly?

How much alcohol?

How many beers have you had, first of all?

How many beers?

Yeah, have you been drinking beers or rum?

What's your alcohol drink tonight?

You said some hurricane shit, and I don't know what you're talking about.

What's in it?

Oh, fuck, dude.

Fucking, I'll tell you what, dude.

God damn, dude, I might, you know what, I might even start importing this shit over to the east coast there

to you fucking alligator fucking manatee fucking retards there, you fucking med people in the White House.

Go drink some more.

Go drink some more and then call us back.

Hey, I'll tell you what.

Call us back.

Listen, old man.

Old man.

Hey, milkman, you sucked the milk out of my cock, right?

Milkman, he sucked the milk out of his cock.

Milkman, I've never had one before, have we?

Boy, that's a new one.

I'm fabulous.

You're gay, milkman.

You're gay.

That really hurt.

Ha, ha, ha.

That really hurt.

I'm not sure.

All right, so we've called Pink Panthers, we've called Big Buffers, we've got Sloppy's

Barbecue.

Let's give Sloppy's a call, and then we'll take a break, all right?

All right.

That last call was kind of good to the effeminate guy at the bar.

Hey, hi.

This is Oppenheimer.

Who am I speaking with?

This is Oppenheimer.

This is Valente Oppenheimer.

Is this Sloppy's Barbecue?

Yeah.

What are you doing over there, buddy?

Doing over here?

Yeah, are you working?

What are you just answering?

Can't you say, like, you know, Sloppy's, how can I help you to have the right number?

Are you closed?

What's going on?

Well, we're closed.

We closed at 9.

What are you...

Wow, at 9 o'clock?

Seriously?

What are you doing there still?

Cleaning?

I'm waiting on my...

Do you sleep there?

Mm-hmm.

You sleep...

No?

Hey.

Hey, man.

What's the...

What's your...

Are you black?

Is this a black barbecue place

or is it like a white people barbecue place?

Who are you?

Is it like a, you know,

white people, big good old boys

eat ribs and stuff there

or is it like black people come

and eat black people ribs

and collard greens and they look at you like when you come in like they're polite to you if you're

a white person but they're like like that and they don't refill your drinks the barbie is this a

black people barbecue place or white people this is legit i'm not trying to be racist i'm just

asking is it white people or black people barbecue there serve everybody yeah but what kind of style

is a white people style or black people style no there's black people barbecue and white people

barbecue man you know there's a big difference black people make better barbecue but they treat

white people like me and you they treat they they treat us rudely they don't bring out we

ask for ketchups oh yeah sure bring out the ketchup never bring out the ketchup they don't

refill the drinks they don't play defense in basketball they refuse to play defense and when

uh and there is this like a chain restaurant or is it owned by a person is it owned by white people

or black people i just trying to see what style barbecue is if it's white people or black people

style this is it's a legitimate question sir there's a difference you know what obviously

see you're not a professional you don't understand about barbecue you're not a you know you're not a

connoisseur you're not of that that type that's okay that's all right if you're not you know on

that level that's fine go ahead go ahead are you gonna like be an auto mechanic later on there is

different types of barbecue uh tuck you're from tennessee i heard some good pulled pork sandwiches

in tennessee i'll try that once oh yeah pulled pork that's live audio from milkman last night

when he was watching

Pornhub.

Alright everybody, Madhouse Reed is going to take a break.

A.K.A. I need to go into the

bathroom and take a whiz.

When we come back, we have more prank calls to do.

I need more numbers from Lonesome Loser,

but I'm sure those will come in.

We also have Hoppy the Clown,

which I said I was going to call and never got to.

Hoppy the Clown, probably sleeping now.

That's in Texas.

Quickie's Convenience Store in Salem, Oregon.

Grover's Inn in Omaha, Nebraska.

home to norad where's norad at alaska isn't it maven says n words don't eat ribs but black people

do or no good no maybe

we should call them

We rarely get any women callers

We've only had a handful

I think we can count

The number of women callers

To this show

I can count them on one hand

I'm going to bet you

It's always nice to hear

A nice lady on the phone

Alright, when we come back we're gonna

We'll have more prank calls to do, don't worry about that everybody

You know, fear not

I know, we've been slow with it today but

Quality not quantity

And when there's no quality, it's just me Carlito

On a Thursday night

What else are you gonna do? Survivor? The Office?

Yeah, we'll be back right after this

Well, we all live in America

And we're all different colors

Of us

Paint our faces

To try not to look like the others

But here in America

You can pretty much do what you please

As long as you do it to yourself

Then you'll not get in the big squeeze

But don't give up a goddamn piece of shit, motherfuckers

Who control the world

All right, George, fuck you people who think your shit don't stink.

Give me a minute and let me tell you what I think.

Influent people, do some of them look like they don't wash their hands when they go to the bathroom?

We just serve our customers.

How do you get the food?

Is that because you guys are Compton and you have bulletproof glass, like in a bank?

Well, probably because of the area and because of our employee safety.

Is it really that bad in Compton?

For real?

Like, I always heard, yo, you know, Dr. Dre and this and that.

It's not really like that.

Well, it's just a stereotype that people put out there.

So, you know, basically, you know.

Stupid white boys come in, they're starting problems.

Not really.

It's just for safety.

That's why we have to.

Would you chicken meal on the floor?

Everybody's walking, so why would you want to eat?

Well, let's say, closing, set aside a nice chicken meal.

and then everybody closed and then it was broke down and would you sit down and eat the chicken

off the floor of the common area of the floor would you feel confident that you would do that

and feel okay really really often listen hermano place isn't clean that the employee wouldn't eat

off the floor my dad always said you know what forget it so you tell me would you are you

confident do you people have a clean restaurant is it clean so would you eat off the floor if

If it's so clean, would you eat off the floor?

Yes or no?

Please, with me.

You know, we're talking about orders.

We have to enlarge the order through a curtain, you know, that we're offering.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

1-888-278-8509.

You know what?

I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box.

Okay.

And a crack door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

You'll always be behind. Do not let a woman, ever, ever, make you who you are.

What is today's Germany?

How the fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Yo, yo, yo, fuck, fuck, yo

I am

I'm a rapper, I'm a rapper

No audio on Syndicate

What the fuck are you talking about, Blanky, Blanky?

What the shit are you talking about, DTT?

DTT, we're breaking news, we have lost audio feed on Syndicate

He's hacking

No, no, no, let me know, is that for real?

Syndicate, let me know, do you hear me? Check, check, check

Please, please, please, advise, advise

Thank you

Alright, I get ones, everything's alright

All right, DTT, you know, get with it.

Get with it, buddy, all right?

No, we haven't lost it.

We never had it to begin with.

Bad Boys of Ohio confirming yes.

They've been listening to us right now.

Awesome.

Kokanee says, yeah, Andy told me he posted that.

Yeah, I saw that.

It's actually really good.

Yeah, I saw that right before the show started.

And he sent me his video here.

Fans getting even with the riot police.

Anyway, it's like a video of

I'm guessing this is like a French country

Maybe France even

It's like a soccer game

And the riot police come out

Arresting a fan

And they're like beating up the guy

Like punching him

And hitting him with the sticks

Like right in the field

Right in front of everybody

And like one of the players

And a bunch of the fans

Fans are coming in to save the guy because the riot cops are beating him up.

And because of his big brouhaha, his big fight, his big brawl in the middle, it's pretty interesting.

If you go over to the Madhouse forums, you'll see a link to it, madhouselive.com.

Click on the forums link.

See what I'm talking about.

Jonathan, how are you, man?

What's up, Pro Leader?

I'm doing all right. How are you, sir?

I'm doing all right. Just for the weekend.

Good deal. On the break, I mixed three types of sugar-free jello.

Well, not bad.

I mixed cranberry, orange, and black cherry.

Well, that sounds good.

Yeah.

You know, like when you make them in the pot, you know, when you warm it up and you've got to put it in the freezer after that, or the fridge, I guess.

I put all three together.

It came out, it almost looked black.

But it tasted damn good.

It just tasted like berry.

It tasted great.

It looked like, I don't know, I don't know how to describe it.

It looked like black Jell-O.

It looked like it was like dirty water, but it tasted really good, man.

I wish the can was up.

I'd put it up so you could see it.

Hmm.

Oh, yeah, buddy.

So what else has been up with you this week?

When's your next vacation, my friend?

Probably during the summertime.

Okay.

You're going to head down to Orlando?

Come to Orlando, man.

We'll hang out.

I'll have you for the show.

Like, we had Zolar last week.

Did you hear that show?

Yeah, you did hear that show.

That was a good show last week, right?

You did call in.

That's right.

Of course.

I remember.

It was a good show last week.

It was good having Zolar by.

If he's still listening, right at you, man.

I was going to tell you, next time you come down, we can go to SeaWorld.

I think that would be kind of cool.

I'm in the mood to go to SeaWorld.

Zola.

Okay.

SeaWorld, they got those roller coasters, and they have Shamu.

He goes up and down.

Where I really want to go is Universal.

I want to do the Simpsons.

Have you done the Simpsons ride yet?

Not yet.

Oh, man.

They got a new roller coaster opening at Universal also, I think, in the fall.

So that is when I'm going to go to Universal.

So I can do both the new rides at once, and I'll have to go back for another year or two

until they open up something new.

Yeah.

I heard they've been getting rid of a lot of the old rides.

Yeah, they got rid of Back to the Future for Simpsons.

They got rid of King Kong for the mummy.

I don't know.

The next oldest one is Earthquake.

Back to the Future opened in 1991, I want to say.

It wasn't open with the park.

It was the first big ride they built there.

That's a long time ago now.

Originally, I remember I was there opening day,

and it was 1989, I want to say, or 1990, one of those.

I think it was 1989.

It was King Kong, Jaws, and Earthquake.

Yeah, Earthquake is, like, something different now, also.

So the only original ride that's still left, I think, out of all of them,

like, they closed the Nickelodeon Studios and all that.

I think all that's left is, um, Jaws.

That's the only one that's, like, it has been.

And even that one got shut down for, like, a year and a half.

Um, it's just not worth it.

You know, when people tell me all the time,

you live in Orlando, wow, you must go to Universal and Disney all the time.

To be honest with you, no, because it's so expensive, even living here.

There's no reason to go.

After you've gone to Disney once, there's really not a reason to go again.

Maybe like the Magic Kingdom, because it's huge,

and you could spend two days there if you wanted at that one park.

But like Epcot, SeaWorld, Universal, you can do all those in one day.

I have no need to go back to do the same rides over again.

When I was younger, I had an annual pass,

and this was something to do when you were younger.

I was in high school and right in college, right out of high school,

and it was cool to go there.

Don't forget, they still have the E.T. ride up at Universal.

That's right.

The E.T. ride is one of the original ones.

I love that ride, man, because it says your name at the end.

When you leave E.T., you give your name at the beginning,

and E.T. says your name at the end.

I love that.

Yeah, man, I've been going, God.

I mean, I grew up here in Orlando,

so I feel like an amusement park aficionado sometimes.

I've seen how Disney has progressed and changed.

Animal Kingdom I don't like.

It's all right.

It's not worth $50 to go there, but it's a nice zoo.

There's no other zoo in Orlando, anything like that.

Yeah, the parks I like is Epcot, MGM, and Disney.

Yeah, MGM I don't like, I'll be honest with you.

I went there once when I was really young.

It was okay then, and I went there about two years ago.

I have a friend who works at Disney, so for $30 he gets me a ticket

that you can use in all four parks in the same day.

So, you know, you can actually, you know, go to Disney,

and then you go to Epcot, and you go to Animal Kingdom,

and Epcot again, and back, which I've done.

I've done this before.

But, yeah, I went to MGM, and I wasn't impressed at all.

Nothing there that I like.

I mean, they got the one, the Rockin' Roller Coaster's okay.

That's good.

Other than that, there's nothing.

Now, the firework displays at nighttime are pretty awesome.

I don't think I've ever seen those there.

I can't say that I have.

I never stayed for the fireworks.

That's for kids, almost.

I don't know.

I know that SeaWorld, I went there a lot with my ex-girlfriend, because she had a daughter who was three, so she could get into SeaWorld for free, and she loved, you know, going to see the animals, so we'd go there every Saturday, it was, you know, entertainment, we got annual passes for like 80 bucks, and we'd go for free for a whole year to SeaWorld, that was pretty cool, and we got, we just had to pay, you had to pay like five bucks for parking there every time, and you know, when you're going there, you gotta buy food and stuff, and it's all expensive, that's why they let you come in for free.

Hey, man, we've been talking about Disney and et cetera.

Anything else for your fans and listeners before I let you go?

I guess that's it.

Just have a safe weekend, and I hope to see you all back next Thursday.

All right.

We'll see you next Thursday.

All righty.

I don't know.

I'm rambling.

I'm just not feeling it, guys, tonight.

What are they doing?

MSC3 Clay agrees.

MGM is eh.

It is eh.

And Azul are just getting back from Orlando.

he didn't go to any of the parks

I don't think he went to any of the parks

but I think you know everybody has to do

Magic Kingdom once

you have to do the Magic Kingdom

everyone has to do Magic Kingdom once in their life

I mean that is the quintessential park in the world

the Magic Kingdom

with the exception of maybe the actual original Disneyland

after that I will put

Universal Islands of Adventure

number 2

number 3 Universal Studios

Studios, number four.

This is hard to do, as a matter of fact.

I don't know.

Because I'd almost want to put Epcot above the studios, but no.

Islands of Adventure is number two.

Number three is Epcot.

Number four is Universal Studios.

Number five is SeaWorld.

That's the order you folks should do it.

That should be your priority when you do your once-in-a-lifetime.

Pilgrim Mr. Orlando, crazy fucker, checking in.

Have you ever been to Disney World or Disneyland, sir?

No, sir.

I have never been to Disney World or Disneyland.

Disneyland and originally Disneyland was on the west coast here down in Anaheim, California.

Right.

Okay.

I've grown up since Dad was born with Disneyland, the original Walt Disney.

Anti-Semite like you, yes.

Well, actually, no, sir.

Don't, don't, don't.

I'm not an anti-Semite.

You talk about.

I do not hate anybody, dude.

Dude, I've got six billion brothers and sisters on this planet.

You dropped like four N-bombs tonight on the show already.

And we're still, it's still not Friday yet, technically.

Well, actually, sir, those were your bombs that you dropped in your own cell.

These are my individuals.

Well, you can go back to the first call I ever made to your station there

was that I got six billion brothers and sisters and I don't want to hurt and kill anybody.

Okay, well, good. We don't need any, uh, any animosity between me and you. I respect you.

I always respected you. I always respected you. I always respected you.

No, you're not respecting me right now. You won't let me speak.

Okay, go ahead.

Okay, back in the 60s...

I have always respected you, as a matter of fact. I have always had nothing but the utmost of respect for you, crazy fucker.

Okay, because I want to be there at your wedding party.

Oh, yeah, you're not coming to the wedding.

Hey, can I come to your wedding?

Oh, boy.

If I come to Florida right now and track you down there, dude, can I come to your wedding?

Now you're just creeping me out.

You're on timeout for ten minutes, crazy fucker.

No, no, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes, crazy fucker.

Yes, you are.

Come to our wedding, crazy fucker.

Yes, yes, please.

He's so wasted tonight.

I love it.

We'll just have him keep checking in as it gets drunker and drunker.

I think the last time he sounded even more wasted.

that he was like

farm coming right up ladies

number do you think

is the one they can hit

to get to the outgoing message

five

test test test

one two three

guys

do a check mess

not a real take

outgoing rates

have been suspended

for the month of March

or May

we will not be accepting

any reservations

any of the horses

horse riding lessons

except for those

who embrace

the church of Mormon

if this applies to you

Please leave your phone number, name, call you back, someone will return you, cost you

nothing.

You make free horse rides, free horse rides for everybody.

Church of Mormonism?

I gotta see if I gotta hit a button to accept it or not.

Let's see.

I guess that's it.

Okay, cool.

We're done.

Alright, good.

We hacked into it.

That took too long, though.

But hey, we got in.

Call back now and listen to the message.

Call back and listen to the message.

Church of Latter-day Saints.

Crazy fucker.

Hey, man, I just called to tell you, man, I want to be in your wedding party there when you get married there, dude, because I'm your number one fucking...

The usher?

I don't want to be the usher. I just want to be... I'll be a guy standing in the back of the fucking... wherever you hold your wedding ceremony, I'll be a fucking just anonymous fucking guy, you know? I don't want to fucking...

It's a Mormon wedding.

I'm like, you know what? You're the man, dude.

It's a Mormon wedding.

That's all right, dude.

I'm a deacon in the Mormon church, dude.

What?

Deacon in the Mormon church.

You got more than that.

I am a deacon in the Mormon church.

How many wives do you have?

Wives, dude.

Why aren't you?

Oh, man.

Were you ever in love, crazy fucker?

I'm in love, man.

I'm in love.

But with a woman.

With a woman.

Were you ever in love with a woman or a man?

I don't think there's anything wrong with either one.

Actually, dude.

Dude, I'm in love with all the women on the planet Earth, dude.

Okay, it sounds for a minute there you had an emotional moment right now.

I don't got to exploit them or fucking rape them.

Crazy fucker.

I love you.

Are you still with me?

Yeah, I love you, man.

I love you.

I'm not embarrassed to say I love you.

All right, man.

Can I give you some elderly advice?

All right, hurry it up.

Hurry it up?

I'm up against a hard break.

You got to hurry.

Really?

You're up?

What do you got?

What's your hard break there, dude?

I had to take a hard break for the sponsors at the top.

Well, you got a fucking...

You, sir, are insulting me.

Well, actually, sir, I'm not trying to insult you.

I'm trying to give you some early...

He's so drunk.

Sound files to leave on answering machine.

Kokanee sends sound files, everybody.

Breaking news from Kokanee.

Sending in emails of sound files.

Yeah.

This is a victim calling.

I'm right now.

I was wondering if you could come over and get my car boost.

They're missing the one lead, so if you've got cables, it'll be all right.

Otherwise, we can just...

Sounds like a plant, Cocon.

He sounds like a plant.

All right.

Good find.

Call that machine back and see if your message is still on there, Marlon.

You want to call him?

What is it?

The jumping horse?

The prancing pony.

What a jumping horse.

God, you ruin stuff.

You can't get anything hurt.

The jumping donkey.

Well, you can patch that call into it

The one you're playing there now

It sounds like a drunk Canadian

You can't shake that Canadian accent, Kokanee

Socialists

Not ringing

Not ringing, motherfucker

Come on, motherfucker

That was a bunch of shit

You know what I want to call

One of those Greek restaurants

We like to fuck with so much

Big Outlaw

You better show some respect

Big Outlaw

I will have you

taken out

I will ask you to

leave my floor

until which time

I am done on the floor

and then you can

have the floor back

let's push back here

in a little bit man

I don't know what

happened there

what the hell

happened bro

big outlaw

big outlaw hacked us

everybody's what

happened

big outlaw is

against us

he's trying to get

us cut off around here

no big outlaw's

been on a mission

to get us cut off

of syndicate

I don't appreciate it

what's been going on

i don't know bro hey man let's do a few more prank calls let's call it a night it is midnight at this

time we need to do a uk call only problem being is that we do not have i think i might have

somewhere here a lonesome loser i don't know if it's still got minutes on it though it's from

several weeks ago i don't know if it's still good he had an international call that we used a few

times but i'm not sure that it's good i'll do that hey sweetie how are you oh hi man it's not

not too good a friend of mine told me to call in and make an order for some food you guys still

taking those orders there um who's this uh this is valente this is who valente um do i know you

one second let me put you on hold to see if the kitchen's still open oh man valente's starving

valente's hungry oh my headphones are too loose hi this is lynn can i help you hey big lynn how

How are you, sweetie?

I'm good.

I just wanted to know if it was too late to make an order real quick for myself and my friend.

It'll be quick.

I promise.

I'll make it worth your time, Big Lynn.

Yeah.

You can self-make an order.

I'll make it worth your time.

All right.

Are you ready to take my order?

What's your name, love?

This is Valente.

Uh-huh.

What would you like?

Let me see here.

You guys got any of those dolmades?

Uh-huh.

You want the ones with meat?

Yeah.

Those are hard to make.

Are they already made right now?

No.

Those are easy.

Okay.

Go make me some dolmades.

You want the appetizer or like a dinner?

Oh, like a dinner version.

And I'll take one of the spanakopitas also.

Any spanakopita?

Can I get two of those?

It comes four to an order.

Oh, wow.

So, yeah, let's get one of those orders.

Okay.

The last thing I like is my friend wrote down here.

He went to Greece last week, so he told me.

Malacca.

Malacca?

I have malacca here.

It's like a dough with nuts and onions.

and the honey on it and stuff like that.

It says, he wrote down Malacca.

Galapurka?

Is that like a dessert?

It says Malacca.

M-A-L-A-K-A, Malacca.

Malacca is like a dirty word in Greek.

No.

It's, no, no, most definitely not.

It comes in like a triangle in need of a fork.

It's called Malacca.

No, but I'm telling you, Malacca is a dirty word in Greek.

What's it mean?

Is it a bad, dirty word?

It means like MF.

Oh, wow.

Really?

Uh-huh.

That's bad.

How old are you?

62.

That old?

Really?

You're so much younger.

I could have sworn you were much younger, my dear.

No.

Are you happily married?

I'm happily married.

For how many years, sweetheart?

30.

That's beautiful.

March the 9th and 10th.

God bless.

Do you have a lot of kids?

Three.

That's good.

I need to get this order to the kitchen or you're not going to get your food.

No.

I don't know what malacca is because it's not a food.

Say it's a dirty word

Let me speak to my friend

And make sure

Don't put the order in

I'll call back in like 30 minutes

Okay

I don't want you to know

Sweet

I honestly

I could have sworn you were younger

Much much younger

No

Okay

So call him and ask me

Tell me to call him back

You have a lot of gray hairs

Do you have a lot of gray hairs?

No

Not too many

No

Natural or

Do you shave

Not natural

I mean do you

Oh I just said something inappropriate

Do you dye your hair?

Yes I do

Yeah that's why you don't have gray hairs though

If you have a few gray hairs and you're still dyeing your hair and you...

You need to get the order in or the kitchen's going to be closed.

All right, you tell him to hold off on that real quick.

I'll call back when it's time because I want it warm, all right?

Okay, because he's getting ready to leave,

so I need to hold him here because the kitchen closes at 9 usually.

Oh, really?

Well, you know what?

I don't want to bother you.

That's all right.

Boy, she's awful now.

No, he's still here, so...

No, I...

But I don't know what that other thing is that you want.

I don't know.

It says here Malacca.

That's all I know.

All right, good night.

Thank you.

Bye.

Uh-huh.

Bye.

This show has been, like, weak.

Lonesome Loser says he's got pins that are good.

International pins that are good.

All right.

everybody let us call let's call the uk after we're checking the pin that's good

after we're checking the crazy fucker again yeah pretty weak last prank call we did

hey listen to me dude you're number one dude okay listen to me you're number fucking one

uh prank caller on oh god fucking prank caller man i you you are the number one man okay awesome

thank you sir appreciate it you're the number one man right dude you're the number one

You're the number one caller of the Madhouse show.

You're the number one caller.

Well, listen to me.

Listen to me, man.

You're Mr. Madhouse.

Well, no, no, no, no, dude.

Dude, I'm just a fan of yours that's like a fucking guy that respects you 100%.

Even though you're like a little kid.

You're like one of my nieces or nephews.

You know, I ain't figured out where you're coming from, but it's like you're like a little kid.

that I just give positive reinforcement to.

So when was the last time that you were in love with a woman?

Last time that I actually knocked some dude on his ass and tried to...

You can't ever do that.

It was up in Canada back in the 60s there.

You ever heard of the 60s and 1960s?

Yeah, I've heard of them.

You ever heard of guys that refused to go over to Vietnam

and kill innocent people in Vietnam

so that the corporations that you enjoy today,

that you got your phone service through, you know.

I used to be, you know, you ever been in prison, dude?

I was in fucking prison for seven years and eight months, dude.

Wow, wow, wow.

You didn't answer your question.

Yeah, right, right.

I mean, yeah, right.

You were there eating steaks with Suge Nye,

hanging out, getting massages, and smoking big cigars.

Well, you're talking shit, dude.

Yeah, you were.

There was no fucking that shit, dude.

Yeah, there were.

You were, like, some middle white-collar Republican.

No, it was called California Men's Colony East.

He was rubbing it.

Oh, geez.

You can sometimes Google up California Men's Colony East.

It was made in 1952, dude.

All right, so you told us that the helicopter landed on your property

and a guy came out and told you to forget that it ever happened and flew away,

and then you got arrested.

Is that what happened?

Right.

You're basically right about that.

Okay.

Now, if I would have done that, I probably would never have gone to prison.

You're basically right about that.

So is that what it is?

If I would have, if I would, hey, are you with me?

I'm with you.

So you called, what's his face, Art Belling told him the story,

and then they picked you up, or what was it exactly?

No, dude, dude, dude, dude.

Back when you were sucking on your mama's tits to be calling up fucking people and saying,

hey, man, do you got, I used to call up grocery stores and say, do you got Prince Albert in a can?

Oh, God, wow, that's a big one.

Crazy fucker.

I don't think it's the heartbreak crazy fucker.

Yeah, and I'd say, well, wait a minute.

I'd call up people and say, hey, is your refrigerator running?

And they say, yeah, and I say, well, you better catch it before it gets away.

Right, man, I mean, hey, dude, I'm fucking, I'm 59 years old, motherfucker.

Jesus Christ, this guy, he's got, you know, it's a funny thing, though.

I did almost, I had a perfect opportunity.

That was the guy who started all that.

With my ex-girlfriend.

With my ex-girlfriend, she, her dad was really pissed off because the fridge was broke,

broke and he was um he was on his hands and knees as a plumber was in his hands and he's trying to

fix the fridge and me and my girlfriend are next we're not in the kitchen he's in the kitchen we

can see him he's right next to us we're in the living room watching tv and she tells me because

she knew she knew he's like the i used to like prank calling people say hey get your cell phone

call the house and ask him if his refrigerator is running and i said oh my god and i did it

and he got really really mad he told us to get out and it was pretty pretty pretty awkward he

He wasn't a funny guy.

He wasn't a very...

We were both out of it.

We were both drinking, I think, that night before we came home.

Yeah, he got really mad.

It was funny.

Let's get that dancing pony and see if that message has been changed.

Oh, man.

In a second, Milkman.

In a second.

We're going to call the UK here, okay, man?

We need to call UK.

We have to fill our quota.

These calls to the UK are brought to you by MadhouseMunchies.com,

the sponsor of the Midnight Eastern Standard Time Hour here tonight.

Again, that's Madhouse Munchies over at madhousemunchies.com, the original microchip.

You should check them out.

There you go.

You have one hour, 46 minutes for this call.

Morning.

Good morning, Matt, this time of the morning.

I needed a call to wake you up.

Why?

I'm not quite certain.

Are you awake?

He phoned me, and it's the wrong person.

No, no, no.

I need to speak with the Goodwin residence.

I need to speak with Mr. and Ms. Goodwin's.

Well, that's speaking.

Oh, good, good.

Yeah, did I wake you?

Excellent. That's exactly what I meant to do.

I meant to call you and wake you up today.

I'm calling from the United States of America

and on a mission to wake you up

out of your bed for no reason.

You can hang up now. Quite all right. Thank you.

Golly, good show.

Just sit there. You can just sit there and listen if you want.

I'm not much into

phone sex kind of thing, but I guess

we could try.

Are you touching yourself, baby?

Shut up, Milkman.

I had a bonapick with you.

I didn't want to bring it up, but you really

You ruined the fucking

The road trip

You wouldn't stop talking

Didn't you realize that me and Artie

Artie and I both

Neither of us could hear you

You just kept talking over every single thing

That we were doing

You kept like

Playing your guitar

Dude you guys needed the help

What are you talking about?

That was awesome radio

We were live at Wendy's in 7-Eleven

That's why it's helping out

The best I could

You couldn't even hear nothing

It's your duty

We're out of here

Just for that we're out of here

milkman all right man peace i'm kidding uh we're gonna call i'm not bryce goodwin get out i'll meet

you uh milkman i i you know i hold your leash i don't give a fuck here you go we'll be right back

in a moment folks don't go anywhere so quiet here all of a sudden he just locked out i just

Let's try to unmute him when you're logged out.

Chill out.

When?

Yeah, silence, quiet.

One minute for this call.

Thank you very much, Lonesome Loser, for finding us the PIN numbers that we needed

so that we can make phone calls to the United Kingdom.

Hello.

Hey, buddy, how are you?

Is this Bryce?

Valente, is Bryce there?

Could you please put him on?

On the, um, you know, make sure that you're awake.

This is Valente from the United States wanting to call to wake you up.

No reason at all, just to piss you off, wake you up, and have a great day.

That's all I got.

I should have

He sounds like he might have gotten angry

He was in Scotland

Why didn't I fuck with him?

God damn it

Sorry about that

I'll call him back

Hello

Still there

Okay

Stupid

The guy's in Scotland

I could have totally fucked with him

He was responsive

Shot myself right in the foot there, Tuck

What happened to Milkman?

Where's Milkman?

Hmm

Hey, he's on time

Milkman mad?

Man Milkman

He's out

He's at IDS

He has

Milkman mad

Who's Leslie?

There's a Leslie here in my car

IDOS

Who's Leslie?

Leslie

I don't know

I don't know Leslie

It's a nice name though

I don't think I ever

You know

That's not my guma

My guma's name is not Leslie

I have

Not guma

It's a big deal

We need you

Please

Milkman

Milkman's pissed off

He said the F word to me

What a fucking asshole

Alright fine Milkman

Guess who's not in the wedding anymore

Tuck you're the new best man

Oh boy

Try to call him back

Hang on everybody

Don't panic

Crazy fucker's gonna do it

We should get crazy fucker to call him

Let's see

In the back

Just a normal guy

guy. There we go. You never know he's there. You never know he's there. What's your problem?

What the fuck's your problem, man? What do you want? Let me get over here. Let me tell

you something. Get your ass back in a T-speak. You get your ass back in a T-speak. I'm going

to kick your fucking ass, Republican redneck. You know what? Don't you ever show your face

in this madhouse, cynic, anything ever again. This is over between me and you. I'm going

to kick your Republican ass. I'm tired of listening to your monkey ass fucking talk

Talk about President Obama, man.

He is the most...

Look at that California queer, too.

The same goddamn thing.

Kiss my fucking Democratic ass.

You Republicans.

All of you.

Whatever.

You fucker.

Crazy Milkman, everybody.

What's so good about it?

I don't know.

Milkman's having an episode, too, here.

All right, let's...

We're going to call Karen Reynolds.

Karen Reynolds is in Arshire, England.

Where are we at?

One hour, 30 minutes for this call.

Why name a song like this The Ghetto?

It's like, oh yeah, let's get down.

I'm in the ghetto.

I'm going to play this music.

Ghetto, ghetto.

Hello?

Hey, buddy.

Wake up.

Is Mrs. Reynolds there?

Did I catch you folks at a bad time?

Who's calling?

This is Valente.

I'm calling for Ms. Reynolds.

Hey, middle of the morning, five in the morning.

That's fine.

Did I wake you up?

Hello?

Hello, sir.

Sir, don't make me get vile.

Did I wake you up?

No, I was out with my baby.

Just please keep things civilized with me on the phone.

You don't have to be rude, okay?

What happened now?

Explain it to me.

What did I do?

You have 4 a.m. and 5 o'clock in the morning.

I have 5 in the morning.

You don't say.

It's 12.30 a.m. over here where I am.

I don't understand.

Where are you?

Scotland.

I'm trying to call my friend in Chicago.

It's only 11.30 p.m. over there.

Listen, I think you've got the wrong number.

This will be costing you money.

I was up anyway, my baby, so don't worry about it.

Oh, no, this is a collect call.

They're charging you for the call, not me.

I'm on a pay phone.

I don't have any money in the machine.

alright bye

excuse me sir

oh shit

if they are charging me

let me hang up

making fun of crew

all I know is I remember that when Dino

had a meeting with us at the beginning of the year

he said that no one is supposed to be like that

in the chat room and that no one is supposed to get

upset at their crew or not

he said that the only people that are supposed to be making

a crew are Dino and

And a few others

I'm not crew

I don't care

Big outlaw

Crazy fucker

Hey how you doing

Aren't you upset

That you're not crew

In syndicate yet

In the syndicate radio chat

Why does that guy

Milkman keep blocking

What I say

Out of this

Talking to you

He's just being a jerk

Yeah I guess he is

You know

I apologize

To him

If I ever offended him

Yeah

You know

You Republican

You know what

I called you up

To tell you

Oh that's that

Crazy fucker

You're on the side of the winning side.

You're like my little brother that's tucked under my wing right now.

I'm in your protection.

You're going to be behind me.

Yes, you are under my protection there, dude.

It's like that song by Sting where he talks about stalking his ex-wife.

Well, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't have much to do with millionaires and billionaires and shit.

You know, but I got a lot to do with the earth and people on the earth.

You know, it's like we all, we, you know, how many millions of dollars does some person got to get to think that they, you know.

I don't know, bro.

This is confusing me.

I say we just, you know what I've always said is love, peace, and joy, it all essentially.

Right.

Okay, can I ask you another question?

You want to be a millionaire and a billionaire?

No, no, I just want to be a hundred thousandaire.

A hundred thousandaire?

Hey, that's pretty good.

Crazy fucker, I gotta take a shit, I gotta take a shit, I gotta take a shit, I gotta

take a shit, I gotta take a shit, I gotta take a shit, god damn it, alright, that's

crazy fucker again, for the fifth time of the night, Alexander Reynolds coming right

up, 25 minutes for this call, 425, hello, 425, hello,

Yes, hi. Is Alexander there? Did I catch him? Is he at work? What's going on?

This is Valente. I need to speak with Alexander, please. Alex, please.

Who is it?

This is Valente. Valente.

Oh, you've got the wrong number.

No, no, no. Alexander Reynolds, correct?

It's five o'clock in the morning.

Oh, I understand. I just need to speak with Mr. Reynolds. It's an urgent matter, please.

What's it about?

It's a personal business. It's a man business. If you could please put him on.

No, I don't know it.

Who is this? The wife?

This is meh, like MGM. I'm done, I'm out of here.

That's all we get. What's going on?

I don't know the numbers anyway.

Unless we call Where's My Socks.

We can call Where's My Socks. I think they're closed by now.

They're in L.A. where it's 934.

Where Milkman is at right now.

L.A. It's only 934 in SoCal, baby.

You're in your underwear now, aren't you?

I just pooped.

Baby, Lord, I got a shit.

So are you, Tuck. You're in your underwear too.

I'm in panties.

Quit touching me. I'm down with Mommy.

We've already screwed up the carpet here like that fucking ass. Hey there. Hi there. That's good

Yeah, this is the clothing place to the socks place. Oh, no, you got the wrong number. Who is this?

I'm known this is where's my socks clothing store. Don't give me that. Don't give me that

Alright, this is the clothing store. I left my wallet there you making up so you don't give me my wallet back

Give me my wallet back now. I love I left my frickin wallet there

and now you people...

What are you talking about?

I left my freaking wallet there

and you people don't want to give it back.

Who the fuck is this?

This is Valente.

You took my wallet.

I left it there.

You don't want to give it back.

When I get through,

I'm going to make a lawsuit on you, buddy.

Okay.

Hey, hey, hey.

You just reached a residential place.

Who the fuck are you trying to call?

Bullshit.

Two minutes ago,

I was talking to you

and you said,

oh, yeah, come in.

Come in and get your wallet.

And you said...

Hey, bro, bro, bro.

Send me to the wrong...

This is a fucking house, man.

This is a fucking house.

No, no, no, hold on, hold on.

Who the fuck is this, bro?

You fucking little shit.

Don't you fucking talk to me like that, you little...

Hey, where are you?

Where are you?

I'm going to fucking fuck you up, dude.

Where are you?

Fuck you, you fucking shit.

Give me my wallet back, you asshole.

No, no, I don't give a fuck about your wallet, bro.

I'm telling you, you got the fucking wrong number.

Get your shit straight, bro.

You want to meet me somewhere?

You ever had your shit...

You want to meet me somewhere?

You ever get your shit pushed in?

You want to meet me somewhere?

Yeah, you want to fight?

You want to have a fight?

Bro, where are you going to be at?

Where are you going to be at, bitch?

Well, you tell me where, you know, and I'll show up.

What the fuck up, man?

I'm telling you, you got the wrong fucking number.

This is a house.

Who the fuck are you trying to reach?

You fucking monkey, stupid, dirty shit.

You know what?

Hey, hey, hey.

Let me talk to you.

Hold on a minute.

Fuck this guy.

Hey, hey.

Where are you going to be at, dude?

I'm going to kick your ass so good, I'm going to laugh.

I'll give you your wallet.

I'll shove it up your ass, dude.

Where are you?

Is that your girl that I was talking to?

I'm telling you, man, this is a fucking house.

What the fuck are you trying to reach?

When I beat you up, I'm going to do your girl in front of you.

You know what?

I'm going to fuck you up first, bitch.

Do you have mother?

Tell me where you are.

Tell me where you are, man.

I'm going to meet you over there.

How many fathers do you have?

Give her the phone.

I want to talk to your girl.

You know what?

Go fuck your mother, bitch, all right?

I'm going to kick your ass.

Let's meet.

Nah, I want to fight.

That's it.

All right.

Jesus Christ.

What the fuck is wrong with that guy, man?

He did it to you, that's it.

Good God.

Let's arm wrestle.

That'll settle it.

Wow

You're in trouble now

How about a thumb fight

That was obviously a misdial

Let me see if I can find the

Let me log into the spoof card

No I've got it saved

I have a record of all my outbound and inbound calls

Don't worry guys

I've got this saved here

I'm just going to have to log in

That guy has a trip

That was awesome

Listen buddy

buddy. I think... Look, look, look, look.

This is Los Angeles. Where is the

409 area code? Huh?

Where is your area code? We have

caller ID. Where is your area code?

Dude, I'm blocking my phone number.

Don't even go there. You don't have shit.

Dude, 409-459-

That's not my...

That's not my phone number.

Either way, dude, this is a fucking house

and wherever your fucking wallet is, we're letting

you know you got the fucking wrong number.

Call the cops. Call the cops, alright?

We got your number,

So call the cops

Listen buddy

This is a fucking house

I don't know where the fuck

You left your wallet

But this is a fucking house

And I don't appreciate

This kind of phone call

I'm gonna give you

The biggest slap

Right across the face

And I'm knocking

Right out of your mouth

You know what

Try it

Try it buddy

Give me

You know if you're

Tracing my number

I dare you to call back

I dare you

You know what

You can dare all you want

But what the fuck

Do you want bitch

You're the one

That's harassing us

Are you Mexican

You sound Mexican

You sound like Mexican

What the fuck does that got to do with anything?

Am I trying to fucking make friends with you, bitch?

You sound like...

Why the fuck are you harassing us?

Why don't you ask your mother how many fathers you have, buddy?

You know what?

No, no, no, no.

Call the cops.

We have your number.

We're calling the cops.

The cops are harassing us.

I already called the police for you because you stole my wallet.

I already did.

You want the docket number?

Please, please, please.

Give them the number and tell them to come here.

We'll give them yours, okay?

Will you write down this tape?

You're a crazy son of a bitch.

They gave me a case.

What do you know?

I have a case number against you already.

Good, good.

Okay.

Good for you.

Get a life, bro.

I hope you get a lawyer.

You get a lawyer.

I suggest when we hang out.

It's a free country.

You get a lawyer.

Do whatever you need to do.

What's your name?

This is Valente.

Valente.

Valente, yes.

Oh, you're asking me if I sound Mexican.

Okay, anyway.

I'm Italian, sir.

I'm Italian.

I'm not, I'm Italian.

Get a life, Valente.

I'm Italian.

Get a life.

I'm Italian.

Valente, get a life.

You stupid, disgusting immigrant.

Stole my wallet

Okay

Another one

You're another drop in the bucket

Valente get a life

Wherever you are

This is

You're the wrong area code

I'm working on that

If you're capable of flying

In the 407 area code

Get a life dude okay

How did you know

I'm 407 area code

Because it shows up

On the caller ID

Stupid idiot

I'm blocking my number

Well I don't know

But it shows up bitch

Okay

Oh my god

Why are you mad

Oh my god

Why are you mad

You just know nobody

Oh my god

Fucking mad

Oh my god

They're the fuck in life, dude.

Oh, my God.

This is Los Angeles.

Where the fuck is this?

Hold on.

Hello?

Oh, my God.

Please don't tell my mom that I was calling.

Hello?

Please don't tell my mom that I was calling.

Who is this?

This is Valente.

Please don't tell my mom I was calling.

Look, Valente, Valente, we will press charges against you, okay?

I'm recording this call.

Do you understand?

I don't give you permission to record this call.

I don't give a shit.

You are harassing us.

Fuck you

I apologize to the woman

Because she sounds sexy

Fuck you man

The girl sounds sexy

Is that your sister or your girlfriend

Let me know

Answer my questions woman

I command you to answer my questions

Plenty?

Yes.

Fucking respect.

It's Los Angeles, man.

You don't know where the fuck you're living.

So what?

Los Angeles.

Who gives a shit?

West Coast.

Oh, this is Los Angeles.

Where is it there?

Los Angeles, I don't give a fuck.

I shit on Los Angeles.

This is my town.

I run this town.

Find your fucking wallet.

I know where you live.

All right?

Where do I live?

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

Well, exactly.

I know where you live.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, get a lawyer.

Get a lawyer.

No, don't worry.

I have a lawyer.

No, no.

No, you don't worry.

I'm going to pray for you tonight.

Don't worry.

All right.

Okay, okay, good, good, good.

Okay.

I command you to hang up the phone.

Do you fancy a bomb?

Thank you.

Jesus Christ, that guy's funny.

Thank you, fancy the bomb.

Say that number there, man.

That's a live one.

CD.

CD track right there, buddy.

Now, that's the one we need to hook up Crazy Fuckin' with.

Next time Crazy Fuckin' calls in, dial that bitch there.

Good.

There's a definite CD track right there.

Yeah, that definitely isn't a CD track.

Yeah, MSC3 Clay says 407.

He said 499.

Yeah, he did screw that up.

He did figure it out.

He did say 499 at first, so I was like, that's not my area code.

499 area code is in Texas.

We're getting confirmation.

Oh, so it's MSC3 Clay we have to blame for this.

Crazy fucker, what do you think about people like that

that are just so angry right off the bat?

I was just calling for my wallet.

Hey, man, you know what, dude?

Dude, I'm just calling to give my approbations and my total support to the best fucking prank call radio show in America.

In the world, man.

In the world.

That's true.

You can say the world.

No, I don't know about the world there, dude.

I just know about 50 states there.

And you're the fucking, you're the man there, dude, on the East Coast.

Kick ass.

Thank you, man.

You know why?

You want to know why?

Yes.

Yes, I have.

Because you post your shows on your, you know, and I'm on Carlito's web house right now, man.

And I'll tell you what, dude, you're the fucking man there, dude.

You're the man.

You do not, you're the man.

You are a historian.

You are a great American.

Okay.

I think we can all agree with you.

Thank you very much, crazy fucker.

Okay, now.

I think you've drunken yourself into correctness.

Now, I'm tired of kissing your ass.

Now, let me give you a little suggestion there.

There we go.

What do you think about these psychopathic Americans that are over there in Iraq and Afghanistan

that are killing innocent people?

They're heroes.

Heroes.

They're reparations.

Heroes.

Republicans.

No, no, no, no, sir.

Don't call me a Republican.

Same thing.

I already did, crazy guy.

Connect him with that guy.

I already did.

Connect him with the crazy guy.

go and walk in the...

There's five different things

that go in a circle

and they kind of go back around

and around.

Nuna says, when I call the UK,

it keeps women from being lesbian

who don't clean the house properly.

Good point, because they all are.

Hey, hi, is this Diva's gay bar?

Diva's the tranny bar.

It's a gay bar, right?

If you'd like to look at it that way.

All right, that's excellent.

How many spaces do you guys have there

and how much does it cost for your spaces?

There's no spaces.

It's a nightclub.

Exactly. I need spaces for two people for the nightclub.

No, there's no spaces.

When I come in, where do I leave my car?

Your car?

My car machine.

What's that?

Ew, are you a tranny?

Yeah, I'm a dude.

Oh, really? For real?

Uh-huh, a dude.

Post or pre-op?

Dude.

What do you mean?

Dude. Talking to a guy right now.

Okay, but you're a tranny, though. You're a tranny.

What do you mean about... What space? What slot? What are you talking about?

Definitely not a slot. I'm looking for spaces. I need to reserve spaces, please.

I'm coming in this evening. I need to make sure I have spaces for me.

Spaces.

Oh, my bad.

We don't have any booths or anything like that that we reserve. There's no reservations here.

How long have you been a gay for?

I've been a gay for a long time.

Okay.

This is you were born.

When did you realize it, that you were sick?

Yeah, I realized that I was sick as soon as you called me.

Neil, it's funny.

All right.

It's true.

Place a call.

That's what my pastor said.

Last week, Sunday, he said they're sick.

I don't know.

That's what I heard.

He knows better than me.

He's a doctor in philosophy.

We might argue with the guy.

Oh, hi.

They're dying and everything.

They've been with a good question.

Brown or pink nipples.

Let's find out.

Reclutes, cut off.

Hey, guys.

Hey there, what's going on?

How can I help you?

Yeah, is it brown or pink nipples?

I tried.

I tried, Clavin.

Sorry, buddy.

I tried to find out for you, homeboy.

But it is not cooperating.

Vindicates asking, how long am I going on till?

Maybe another ten minutes.

Brown or pink nipples, what do you prefer, Crazy Hooker?

Hey, man, I'll sing a song that I wrote.

All right, do it.

Every American with a gun ain't acting about his side.

Every American with a gun in the Middle East get devoured by the beast.

We ain't no sea, ain't no Amunica.

They're defending our, we got 58 CD of the, we are shitting the bank.

He's just talking, man.

I'll keep him on in the background, man.

He used to be recording a line from a Bruce Springsteen song, isn't it?

Psychic Chuck should be coming on later on tonight.

I'm presuming in about 10 minutes or so when we sign off.

Psychic Chuck, give me the high sign, low sign.

Oh, wow.

Whatever you got to do.

High sign, good.

Motherfucking motherfuckers.

Fuckers, bitches.

Believe this.

We are living under the constant up.

He's got a point.

You got to be able to back it up.

All right.

Thank you.

Hey, hang up that time.

Crazy fucker with his song that became a drunken chant.

Oh, man.

That was a line right out of a Bruce Springsteen song, man.

Oh, boy.

It's still the best

Sometimes it's funny

The best pranks

That we ever get here

Are misdials

At least now

The way we're set up

We can actually

Retrieve that number

And we should see who it is

I'm hoping to get an email

Showing me that we got

A callback from that person

I don't think it's coming

Let me look here

Let me check the Gmail

I would have thought

By now

That guy would have called back

The girl was actually liking me

She was like

Oh that's just a kid

Someone sent in a prank request

Oh my god

We didn't get to it

Hang on

We'll do it now

Alright this one came in

From RBCP

It came in a while ago

An hour ago

I think that dance and pony is just a message we've changed.

Do what now?

The dance and pony, remember we changed the message?

I think he was on to us.

I don't know.

Reckwood's calling in.

I got to end the show.

Where's Reckwood?

He's on the phone, you stupid sh...

Reckwood, what's up, man?

Bro, how are you, man?

Oh, dude, man, I'm fucking in love.

You are?

Yeah.

With what?

All right, so can't give out too many details because I usually incriminate myself on this show.

Okay, all right.

I got the dumb button ready.

Don't worry.

Yeah, right.

Motherfuckers.

There's like five people out there recording every show, hoping I get famous.

Yeah.

You fucking cocksuckers.

Who are you banging?

But anyways, nah, just this one broad's coming in, and she's singing up and down.

We just had a couple moments there.

Nice.

She just left a little bit ago.

Okay, okay.

All right.

All right, cool, cool.

So just a friend thing right now, right?

Nothing serious, right?

You're just hanging out?

But it's, I mean, it's fucking heading, you know.

It's, I mean, I'm just, I'm not trying to, it's like a, it's one of those things where I'm trying to be, like, professional and shit.

She in the band? Is that what she, is she the singer in your band or something?

No, no, I'm just, like, going to start, you know, making some music with her and shit, and she's pretty phenomenal.

Wow.

It's just one of those things, man, if it, I just see what's, I see what's happening, and it's, I'm trying to keep it professional, but God damn it.

Fuck it, it's hard to do, man, it's hard to do.

It's hard to give it up when it's hot.

man you know you gotta come on dude i've turned down so much fucking broads forget it just i'm

just done with it man i just i can't do it anymore you're in a good spot right now you get yourself

something get yourself some tail you got it too man man's got to run around man's got to get

something's got to bury the bone yeah this fucking cali was crazy when you're going back there again

my milkman's asking he wants to see you i told him not to count on it because he's crazy but

yeah dude i get yeah i got to i mean i had like every time i go out there i'm always fucking like

like, swarmed with shit, but yeah, definitely next time.

I've really, I really got to stop out there and hang out with Milkman.

I really do.

It's probably going to be a couple months, because I got a couple opportunities.

I just have to work on a couple projects.

It's going to take, like, a couple months.

Once I'm done with them, I'm bringing them out there.

Okay.

So probably, like, May, I'm thinking, the next time.

Cool.

Cool, around wedding time.

There you go.

May, I'm going to be in Pennsylvania.

Well, May, he's going to be in Pennsylvania.

That's the end of May you're going to be in Pennsylvania.

Never mind him.

Oh, that's right.

You guys are doing that thing.

Yeah.

We'll fuck it then.

I'll see him there.

There you go.

See, there we go.

He's coming to us, Milkman.

He's coming to us.

Fuck yeah.

All right.

Hey, you want to do...

I've got to go to bed, but I want to do...

Maybe we can do a few prank calls still.

Yeah.

I mean, we got it up.

We're just going to...

I would have loved to call that Tranny.

Dude, I'll tell you what.

I can sweet-talk that Tranny.

You guys know how to do it.

Yeah.

You want to call Tranny?

Tranny, I'm ready to go.

I can get her back on the line here.

Let me, let me, yeah, so what was it?

What's the premise now?

What's this, what the hell is this place?

It's a tranny bar in San Francisco.

It's called Divas.

Divas.

All right, yeah, let me.

Speaking of singers.

I mean, I'll give it a try.

I don't want to, I feel bad.

You guys are making fun of trannies.

Oh, yeah, well, hey.

Trannies are people, too.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

Tranny fuckers are also, if you know what I'm saying.

Anyway, let's do it.

All right.

Let's go.

Let me see if I can, see if I can blend in.

It's not much, but it's the San Francisco Divas.

Hang on, don't go anywhere, man.

All right.

I think Chuck is going to be signing on here pretty soon

after this prank call.

Free things over for Syndicate.

I want to directly talk to an angry LA guy.

Yeah, we'll do that.

Divas?

Hello.

How do I audition to...

I want to do a performance there.

You just come in and speak to the manager.

Okay, listen.

Have you ever heard of Divine Powers?

Sorry, no.

Well, listen, I did a lot of stuff.

I mean, I do a lot of different Divas.

I can do Selene.

I can do Mariah.

Okay, you can talk to the owner.

But listen, I mean, you know, I don't even lip-sync.

Yeah, it's not a lip-sync thing.

What's your name?

Hello?

So you want to come in and audition, right?

Yeah, listen, I mean, I'm really serious about this.

I mean, what's your name?

You have to come in.

Hold on.

Hello.

Yeah, you're going to have to come in and audition.

It's okay.

I mean, I just want to run this by you.

I mean, I really just want, I mean, you know, I'm saying all the good words I can get from people that work there.

It's good.

I mean, can I talk to the manager now?

No, if you want to audition, he's going to tell you to come in anyways.

But you know what I'm saying?

I mean, I just want to set up a time, and I just want to make sure that I'm the right gal.

Pretty much the auditions are on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and it's after 10.30.

Okay, after 10.30.

Is it just any time, or do you set up something, or how does it work?

After 10.30.

Well, our show starts at 10.30, and you come in, and you let the person at the door know that you want to audition.

and I'll call the manager, the manager will come down and speak to you, and then from there.

Okay, listen, honey, I got a little bit of special effects for my stuff.

I got, like, a couple smoke machines and stuff.

Listen, I'll tell you what.

Yeah, they have all that, sir.

Tonight's, I mean, but I got my own.

It's Vegas style.

I mean, it's a little bit, you know, higher end than probably what you guys got.

So, anyways, how about tonight?

Come in tonight if you want.

Okay, listen, I'm going to come in and tear it up because, I mean, San Francisco's never seen,

I know you guys are a big city and all that, you know, and you have a lot of, I'm sure you guys have a lot of divas come through there, but, I mean, really, I don't think you've ever seen anything like me.

I mean, you've never heard of divine powers.

Okay.

You've never heard of me?

No.

I mean, I also used to do.

Listen, I've got to go because I have a job to do, so.

Oh, listen, no, no, no, I mean, this is going to change your life.

I'm going to change your life.

Changing events over here.

That lady, she, I don't know, that voice.

Place a call.

Press one.

They try, they try, but they don't

They don't fool me, bro

Yeah

Divine Fires is a good name, though

That's a perfect name

Where'd you get it?

Did you get that from a movie or something?

What's that?

Did you get that from a movie or something?

Or did you just actually come up with it?

I don't know

Because, like, I've seen those, like

I don't know, I've seen these, like

Ads for drag queens

They always have these, like

They have these, like

Kind of, like, almost, like

Famous people names or whatever

Yeah

That's a, dude, that's badass

Let's go with it

Let's call it

You got any other numbers?

Dude, there's Divine Powers

Divine Powers.

Let me see.

Call the L.A. dude up.

The L.A. dude?

They want us to call the L.A. dude up.

I might have run out of phone card minutes.

I've got to check, but I still have more.

I have another card here we can do.

Yeah, have him call up his Bruno Vega, man.

Divine Powers is all the way.

He's getting really riled up.

And we've got the U.K. also we can call.

We can wake them up again.

That's always fun.

Let me call, let's see here.

Where to go, where to go?

I had a number here I was going to call, and I lost it.

Crap, I've got numbers from people that want horse rides.

Horse ride?

Yeah.

We hacked an answer machine, and it was for a horse riding company or something.

And people were leaving messages like, yeah, this is them so-and-so.

I want my three-year-old daughter to ride a horse.

Call me back.

Oh, that's fucking beautiful.

Yeah.

That's great.

Who's doing that?

That's what we need more of, that shit.

Yeah.

I got to work on it.

I hacked their answer machine.

We changed their outgoing message, too.

It was pretty funny.

It's Jack Masterson talking.

Call it back and listen to it.

Yeah, I'll call it back, Milkman.

Don't worry.

Hang on.

Let me call this angry person in L.A. that we were talking to earlier here.

We called him an accident.

He got mad and was yelling at me.

I don't know if you heard that on the replay.

No, they were telling me I just tuned in like right afterwards.

Oh, turn back to the booth on him.

I don't want him to be bringing a bad guy.

All right, well, here, have fun with this.

We'll connect you now.

I called him looking for my wallet, and he got upset at me.

So just tell him that you're my buddy and that I lost my wallet.

Something happened.

You know what I mean?

I'll try the sweet talk.

All right, cool.

You don't want to have to kick his ass.

Divine powers.

If one is available, call.

Leave a message.

We'll pick up.

Hi.

My friend just called.

He's trying to get his wallet, and you were very rude to him.

This is divine powers.

Listen.

And, you know, I try to be nice.

I try to be nice to you, but, you know, I'm a diva not to be fucked with, okay?

I do Celine.

I do Mariah.

I do it all.

So we're going to call back over and over again and tell you to pick up.

So you might as well just pick up, because we've had enough of you.

And that's illegal.

legal. That's a federal offense, as far as I know.

Just like tampering with a mailbox.

If you could pick up, that'd be great. If not, we'll

just call back over and over again

until we own you.

Goodbye.

I thought it was a cell phone that we called before. That's weird.

Eh, whatever.

You want to try them back?

Yeah, let's call on them.

You called the house.

It's called Dirty Dozen. Oh, that's right.

He did say we're calling a house.

Dirty Dozen Strippers is here. They're in Las Vegas

if you want to try to give them a call.

and that just came in off the confirmation line.

Oh, that's my hometown.

Oh, perfect.

Oh, boy.

Las Vegas, Nevada.

Dirty Dozen Strippers.

You ready?

Yep.

We'll do that and then we'll get to the music there.

All right, honey.

Hello.

Hi, there.

How are you?

Good.

Are you calling for some entertainment, honey?

Listen, actually, both.

Have you ever heard of, I know, I mean, are you familiar with the Las Vegas area as far

as entertainment?

Yeah.

Okay, then I'm sure you've heard of me.

My name is Divine Powers.

Hello.

And how can I help you, Divine Powers?

Okay, you know me then.

You've heard of me?

No, no.

Okay, well, listen.

We're doing a little show down here at the Horseshoe,

and we need as many entertainers as you can possibly get.

Money is no object.

I have a rich gentleman who's willing to pay everything.

And basically, we just need somebody to back me up,

because I'm the diva in charge.

I'll be doing some performances.

I'll be basically going through different costumes to be like Cher.

I'm going to be Mariah.

Even going to be a little bit of Celine.

So basically we just need people, and we'll just give them uniforms.

We've got everything.

We're going to need them for about three or four hours.

This is a private show, so tipping is, we might, you know, I mean,

I don't know what your rule book is, but we just, you know, they can take tips.

Okay, and you're willing to spend $300 per lady for any time not to exceed a one-hour maximum?

A one-hour maximum?

Yes, after that it'd be another $300.

Oh, no, no, I'm not paying for it, but yes.

I'm not paying for it, but the gentleman's paying for it.

I mean, he's a very rich, wealthy man from actually out from San Francisco.

Okay, what's the room number? I'll call back with all the rest of the details.

What's that?

The room number. I'll call back with all the details.

Okay, sweet. So how many ladies do you have available?

Fifty.

Oh, my gosh.

Can you, okay, well, he doesn't want any blacks.

He basically wants, he's really into brunettes.

So how many of those do you got?

I can call you back.

What's the room number there?

Okay, room number.

No, I'm not at a room number yet, honey.

I'm just trying to get this organized.

Well, I have to call back at a room number and to go over any more details.

Okay, hold on a second.

Hold on one second, okay?

Hold on one second.

What room number is this, honey?

113.

Okay, it said 1-13.

1-13 at the horseshoe?

Yeah, pretty much, but it's going to be...

What's the last name registered to the room?

What's that?

What's the last name registered to the room, Devine?

Masterson.

Masterson?

Yeah.

Great, I'll call you guys right back.

Okay, listen though, I mean, can you get me 12 brunettes?

Sure.

Okay, you can get me 12 brunettes.

Okay, thank you.

She's going to call the hotel, though.

I was hoping she called the...

To place a call, press 1.

2.

They must get a lot of bullshit calls

Yeah

Did you hear they had like a whole set up in the background

Like a call center

Oh my god

You hear the phones ringing in the back

I mean I'll tell you what

Them fucking hookers out there are organized

I mean

I went out

We had this

We had this little adventure

I was living in L.A.

Actually Inglewood of all fucking places

Inglewood I was up to no good

Yeah they were up to fucking

That's right we have the quarter from here

My kids

Alright

Banging some Hispanic broads

It was great times

But anyways

Good times

Yeah like we went to Vegas

We took these two Australian broads

and met at the hotel

at the Vegas

and there is just like,

I looked in the phone book

and like the yellow pages

had like half of the yellow pages

just fucking

prostitutes.

It was like

just like yellow pages.

I'm like,

I thought,

it's weird because

isn't like Vegas,

it's supposed to be like

illegal for prostitution

but the rest of Nevada

is good or something?

It's outside of

Vegas City Limits

I think is legal.

Somewhere outside of it,

yeah,

like 30 minutes out.

I mean,

it's so like,

so I don't think

they put up with bullshit.

It's funny, because, I mean, here in Orlando, they have escort services,

but if you go to Disney, it's a known fact that in the phone books in Disney,

they rip out that section in every single hotel that they have on Disney property.

Yeah, they take out the escort service section now.

They physically remove them.

There's still got to be hookers going on.

Oh, God, yeah.

You crazy?

The amount of hotels that they got out here, you know there's tons of escort action happening out here.

I think hookers are central, dude.

I'll tell you what, dude.

They got, we should start a fucking service out there.

You want to make some good money?

Hookers.

Shit, we can build

Ourself a big radio station

I'll tell you how

What we do is

We get fucking

We get hookers

That look like

All the fucking

All the like

The cartoon characters

Right, right

There's the cartoon characters

I mean all the female ones

Oh yeah, okay

Like Cinderella

Snow White

I mean

I mean there'd probably

Be some freak asses

About Minnie Mouse

Snow White

I'm not into that

I'm talking about like

Snow White

Fucking that

Pocahontas

I'd hit that

Princess from Aladdin

Pocahontas

I'd hit that

Oh yeah

Pocahontas is the hottest

One of all

Oh dude

Yeah, Pocahontas

This was real good

She was looking

I'll tell you what though man

I went there

They hire the hottest broads

You come right in the park

In Magic Kingdom

And I remember seeing

They had this broad

That looked like

Alice in Wonderland

Oh yeah

Yeah yeah yeah

I'll tell you man

The broads they have

Those are the most

Fucking gorgeous

Fucking broads

I'll tell you what

Yeah

Yeah I heard it's a trip

Working for Disney too

Oh they're fucking

They don't pay shit

They're fucking weird

And don't fuck around

In their park

I'll tell you

Oh dude

Fort Knox

Yeah

I've heard nightmare stories

Yeah

Their security

Does not play

They will fucking

They're like

They'll come out

Of like the woodwork

Like in

Like men in black suits

And stuff like that

Man

Like all over the place

Man

Yeah like

Did you see like

Michael Moore

Tried to go on there

And he had his like

Chicken superhero

Crackers

The corporate grand fighting chicken

That one really

At Disney

Yeah dude

And they fucking

Surrounded him

And like

I mean it was weird

Like what happened was

Like he was like

Waving to people

I don't know how he got

In the fucking front gate

Yeah because they

Won't let you in

With costumes

Yeah yeah

And they just

Yeah they came in

And it was weird

Like and they showed it

You have to watch it

It's in that

What the hell is that

TV Nation

And they had another one

Awful

The Awful Truth

Yeah

The Awful Truth

Yeah

In one of the episodes

It was funny

Because like

All these people

Started appearing

And they kind of like

It was real creepy

Like they

They circled around

Not circled around

But like

They kind of appeared

In like

Kind of like a circle

Yeah they got

I don't know

Yeah it's

Yeah they'd stand like

About a cute

Like a couple

people, like, 10 feet apart, like, in a circle, and then, like, he was trying to, like, hug

kids and shit, and they were just, like, get out of here, so they, like, took him to a

back area and just, like, strip-searched him, and they couldn't even show it.

Right, yeah, they set up, like, a barometer.

Yeah, dude, I mean, that's creepy, I heard of kids, like, trying to vandalize, and they

just fucking take them.

Oh, yeah, I'm telling you, man, yeah, it's, yeah, when I went there for our senior year,

because I live here in Orlando, and they, senior year, we had what was called, I don't

know if they do this all over the country, but they have grad night where you get to

go out somewhere, it's a class, so we went to Disney, and some dudes were smoking pot

in the bathroom on Disney property, bro, they got dragged out, they couldn't graduate, but

I mean, like, Disney, like, there was like, they were like, they had like the Secret Service

kind of earphone pieces on them and stuff like that, you know, they were in the bathroom

dragging them out, and like, yeah, they came like in a Disney paddy wagon to put them inside,

I don't even know where they took them to, man.

That's fucking dumb, though.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's crazy.

I mean, what the fuck are you...

That's like a lot...

I would be kind of scared around there to do shit.

Yeah, a nice little tidbit here,

being, as I know a lot about the park,

you cannot...

You know that you can't buy shoes anywhere on Disney property?

Anywhere?

Anywhere.

Any of the Disney properties, you cannot buy shoes.

Huh.

The reason for that is...

The reason for that is

they set it up so if a kid is kidnapped

kidnapped um on probably as you imagine if a kid got kidnapped the magic kingdom and you gotta

believe that some psycho would try to do it um the first thing that they ask the parents is what

kind of shoes that the kid have on right so they they lock down the park and as everybody has to

go through the turnstiles to leave and they're going to look at every kid that comes through

they're going to look at his shoes to see exactly you know you know and to see if it matches the

description of the shoes that the the parents were talking about that they had because it's

impossible for the guy to buy shoes on you know in the property and you know yeah i guess this is a

It's a method that they use, and it kind of makes sense.

That's kind of cool.

Because, you know, if you're a molester, you're not going to know what shoe size, you know, the kid, you know, you're going to have.

You can't bring it in with you.

You can't buy it there, and you can't just take the kid's shoes off because, hey, wait a minute, why is that kid barefoot?

You know, what's going on?

So, yeah.

I don't know, unless you're like a super molester.

I guess so.

You just bring a whole wardrobe of shoes.

You're like, I'm only going to molest a kid that has a size 5.

Yeah, exactly.

What size feet are yours?

Oh, really?

Okay, come here.

That's funny.

I got some candy

Yeah now we've

We've let all the pedophiles

Like don't tell fucking

Prankmaster

Any of those

No he's gonna go out

By shoes now

I'm sure

I'm sure like

KDK's taking up molesting

In his old age or something

Ugh

So I'm kinda like

God damn it

I gotta bring my own shoes

Alright

You wanna do one more prank

He's probably like

He sees a kid like

By himself

By like the water fountain

He just like

Takes the shoe up

Like Cinderella

Except for the

Yeah

Exactly

It's different

The fun shop

You wanna do one more prank

Oh I gotta get to bed man

Yeah, let's do it.

I got Alibaba Limousine.

We got Cafe 50s.

And we got Stephen King in England.

Yeah, Stephen King.

All right, so we got Alibaba what?

Alibaba Limousine in Philly.

That sounds kind of promising.

Okay.

An Arab guy answered that.

Let's call Alibaba and see if we can piss him off.

Oh, yeah, Arab.

Yeah, there we go.

They always get angry, especially when it comes to their limousines.

Hello?

Hello, listen.

Are you a limo rental service?

Okay, listen.

Listen, have you ever heard of divine powers?

Okay, listen, hold on a second.

Are you an Arab?

Okay, that's fine.

Either way.

We go all ways.

Listen, we need somebody to take us down by the old, you know the old statue of Rocky Balboa?

Yes.

Okay, listen, we're having a performance there tonight.

It's kind of an impromptu thing, like a flash mob kind of thing.

And we need to say, we got about 12 divas.

We need to have, what color limousines do you have?

Like, what's the flashiest color?

What's that?

We only have white.

Okay, only have white.

Okay, what's your biggest one as far as like maybe a 12-seater?

Got 30 passengers.

35-seaters.

Wow, you guys have like the Hummer ones?

Yeah.

Oh, Humdinger.

That's great.

So how fast could you have one down here right by the courthouse?

About an hour.

What's that?

An hour, about an hour.

For an hour, okay.

Okay, so how much is it to rent?

$9.50.

$9.50, and that'll be how long?

Three hours.

Okay, that's good.

Okay, listen, you sound like a nice man, so we got 9.50.

Listen, I mean, I just want to let you know ahead of time, we dress up like divas.

I dress up like Celine Dion.

My friend Janice, my name is Divine Powers, by the way.

I mean, I'm pretty well-known in Vegas, over in San Francisco, L.A.

You know, I do it all, honey.

Even go to Paris sometimes.

But anyway, we've got a show to go on there.

Hello?

Yeah, go ahead.

Okay, cool.

So basically what's going to go on is we're also going to need maybe one car.

How big is your trunk space in there?

We're going to need to put a couple lights in there because it's basically we're going to have a guy.

We just want it to be glamorous, but we're going to have a guy coming behind us with a truck,

and he's going to be having some lighting equipment and pyrotechnics.

This is going to be about like an hour-long performance.

So you say, and I want to come back here, okay, because we're trying to get the after-bar crowd.

And let's see here.

Okay, wonderful.

And so that will work out great.

So we'll get the after-bar crowd.

We've already got flyers put around all over the city.

They're going to meet us right down there in the statue.

We'll be down by, we're going to meet up everybody by the courthouse.

So if you can pick us up there just right in front, that would be great.

That's where we're just going to get the after-bar crowd.

Everybody's going to come.

It's going to be fabulous.

So, do you help with the lighting?

No, I can't do that.

I mean, I can pay you extra.

I mean, it's real simple.

You just plug in a couple things.

We have a guy that does the lighting for a living.

Hold on.

What's that?

I think he's in the toilet.

I hear flashing.

What is he doing?

I think he's, like, throwing up.

This guy's ridiculous.

Yeah, what's going on over there?

What in the world are you doing over there?

Using the bathroom?

Or what are you doing?

I'm in the bathroom, man.

How are you paying for it?

Is it cash?

Can it be called...

No, I'm paying cash, Tony.

I'm a cash-and-carry kind of girl.

Yeah, but I need a candy car before I send the car out.

What's that?

Okay, listen, let me go get the credit card for you,

but what are you doing over there?

I hear all kinds of noises.

You're not going to be making those noises in the cab.

Are you driving the cab, or is your brother?

What's that?

That phone.

I can't hear you.

I just answered the phone.

I don't drive.

Oh, you just answered the phone.

So, I mean, are...

Listen, do you want the car or no?

Come on.

What's that?

I said, do you want the car or you don't?

Yeah, I want the goddamn car.

I mean, you don't have to get feisty with me.

I mean, you're sitting over there taking farts and shit.

I'm just trying to order a car.

You understand?

I

don't need this.

I mean, this has got to go on.

We tried.

We had a guy backed out.

He had a pink Cadillac limo waiting for us, and he backed out, so, I mean, I'm sorry.

You guys are my last resort.

We got to go with it, okay?

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

Do you want to rent it to me or not?

I mean, because I don't got time for this.

Go get your credit card, man.

What's that?

I got my goddamn credit card.

What, do you think I'm broke?

Okay, hold on.

Hey, listen.

Don't take a shit again.

I don't have time for this.

What are you doing?

Jesus Christ.

Jeez.

Son, you can't do that again.

I've got my credit card.

and I've been having him here for about five minutes

and you keep on going taking dumps.

What, are you sick or something?

What's your telephone number?

Have you been eating too many beef shawarmas over there or what?

All right, man.

Listen, don't call here anymore.

I'm going back to the city.

Listen, I'll come down.

I'll get you deported, you bastard.

I'll get you, son of a bitch.

I'll get you thrown out of this country so fast, son of a bitch.

Bastard, you mother.

He got you there right with him.

What the fuck was that?

Dumbass.

Bastard, you mother.

He's like taking shits

And stuff for the fuck

Like what kind of

Shitty limo do you think

That's gotta be

Yeah it's gotta smell like shit

That's gotta be the nastiest

Fucking limo

How many limos

Wait he's at 30 people

Those things really hold 30 people

32 people

What the fuck kind of limo

Is that

God damn I don't know

Alright Recklet

I gotta get man

I'm way past the time

For my show

Thank you for calling in man

Alright man

Have a nice day

You too man

Talk to you next week bro

That's Recklet everybody

Didn't mean to cut him off short

But I'm falling asleep over here

It's not because of Reckless boring me

I'm just tired

It's 1.30

I'm getting sick

I can feel it in my nose

Milkman, take us out of here

If you're here

If you are here, take us out of here

If you're not, then whatever

I'm not here, but I'm here anyway

No, really, I'd like to thank everybody

All of our friends over there

In the madhouse

That's right, 98.6 the mouth

All of our good buddies

But our special man

The number 10 man

That's right, so me and you

That's right

Special holler out to

Thanks a lot

For calling in, you crazy bastards

You, all our friends

Over there

We love you

Thanks a lot for tuning in, we hope you enjoyed

As much as we did, that's right

Especially you, that's right, we did it for you

Our listeners, that's right

Our people, we love you

We have you tune in every week.

Bring your friends.

Better yet, bring your enemies.

We will hook them up with the crazy bastard from California.

We will even make mis-numbered dialed calls and call the crazy idiots in L.A.

Hey, you never know.

That's right.

Might even call you.

Don't forget to tune in next week at Thursday this time.

This same bat channel, this same bat cave.

And all hands hail high to our General Lee C. Rowe of the Madhouse.

Carlito Maramano.

Thanks a lot, brother.

Love you, bro.

All right, good.

Thank you, sir.

Appreciate it.

This song goes out to the crazy white guy in the chat room who loves those fucking chimes.

We're out of here, folks.

Thank you.

TuckerMike.com.

MadHouseLive.com.

SyndicateRadio.tv.

TuckerMike.com.

That's it.

We're done.

Reclude, thank you for calling in.

Crazy fucker for calling in 50 times.

Jonathan called in also.

Thank you.

Thank you, everybody else.

Catch you here next week.

This show will be on the podcast within the next two months.

Hopefully less.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking penis dick!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

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