2009-03-26 Show

I don't want to touch you.

I want to kick your ass.

Very good, sir.

Very good.

Bro, I don't want to touch you.

I want to kick your ass.

I dare you, sir.

I dare you to even try touching me.

What's your name?

Now I know what's your number.

You know that.

I'm going to call the police, okay?

Well, sir, I think you're the one who's going to...

I'm going to kick your ass.

I'm sorry to God.

If you come by to the store here again, I'm going to kick your ass.

Who the fuck is this?

Who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

What the fuck is this?

Thank you.

Hello, everybody.

Madhouse Radio has returned.

Oh, my God.

Can you believe?

That's right.

Hey, everybody.

Good evening.

Carlito, Madhouse Radio.

Disordered Monkeys are here also.

Milkman.

Milkman is in the house with a cold.

Milkman, how are you, sir?

All right.

Beautiful.

Of course, none other than Tuck.

Tuck is here.

Big Tugster in the house.

What's up, Tuck?

Show your titties.

I'm Tuck.

All right, good.

Two for two.

Milkman, are you here yet?

Are you here yet, Milkman?

Say hi, Milkman.

Try it now.

Come on, sir.

Oh, boy.

I'm Carlito by myself

I want to thank everybody for tuning in tonight

We're going to have a good show

And we're going to do some prank calls

We're going to do our normal thing

I'm going to turn on the music here since you can't really hear me

Because it's blasting

You can reach me here tonight over on Madhouse Radio

If you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger

You can AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger

Message me at Madhouse Radio

If you're using MSN Messenger

MadhouseAtLive.com

And that's about it

And that's all there is.

Those are the three right there.

Those are the big three.

If you don't have either of those, don't even worry about it.

Just go over to the website and send me a message there.

MadHouseLive.com is the website.

While you're there, also be sure to check out my podcast, my prank call archives, thanks to Hollywood Vanya.

Hollywood Vanya graciously donating a phone card for us to use tonight.

Nothing really came of that.

I understand there's a problem with the microphones here.

Hang on.

Give me a second, folks.

Stand by.

Don't go anywhere.

all right there now you can be heard there we go all right good sorry about that

man dude i'm telling you almost had the perfect night tonight with uh you know with the audio

almost had it perfect it almost came out perfectly like i was supposed to but

what do you know oh well you know you can't win them all but i want to thank you milk

Thank you for being here tonight, man.

Thank you for being here tonight.

As I said before, the big milkman is here.

Big Tuck is here also.

Tuckermike.com is his website.

I got it figured out.

I had it backwards, man.

I had the one PC was doing what the other PC machine is supposed to be doing.

It was kind of confusing there for a second.

The echo is gone now, so don't take advantage.

Although I did hear last week when you did the show your titties.

Hey, Tuck, do that again.

Hang on.

I'll give you a cue.

When I say go, I want you to do the show your titties and echo.

All right, go for it whenever you hear this.

No.

Show your titties.

You done, Tuck?

All right, good.

I know you love doing that.

We always got to do that segment there.

The show your titties segment with Tuck.

Thank you, sir.

Let me turn on my video real quick.

I'm not paying attention to the video either here.

Yeah, we need to get a sponsor for the show your titties.

The show your titties hour.

The 10 o'clock hour.

Hey, everybody.

I got a blue shirt.

Check out my blue shirt.

Look like Grimace if we're purple.

Let's make myself.

How do you make yourself look purple?

Hang on.

Tuck, you're a comic book artist.

How do I make blue look purple?

Do I add red to it or add green to it?

What should I do?

Add red, right?

Yeah, there it is.

See, now I look purple.

I look like Grimace.

Now, how do I fix it?

Hang on.

I've got to go back to...

There we go.

Well, look at that.

Red, green, red, green, red, green.

Okay.

Having fun with the camera.

All right, everybody.

Those of you who are listening to the podcast

have no idea what I'm talking about or doing.

Now it looks green.

now I screwed it up

there we go

I had to reset

the default

there we go

alright

hopefully you guys

are watching on the

video feed

you know what

I'm talking about

I want to thank

Dino for hooking

us up with

Henry Hill

from Goodfellas

you know

played by Ray Liotta

classic

classic movie

very good movie

I saw it on

TNT recently

I think

it was a few months

ago I was watching

TNT

I have it here

in the DVD

collection somewhere

of the great movies that shaped the 90s.

Yeah, I got a DVD collection

that's out over here, way over

there by the TV that I only use to watch

Magic games when I'm doing the show. That's the only reason

I use this TV over here. Can you even

see it's turned on? There's no Magic games on Thursday

for the rest of the season, so I won't be

distracted during the show watching the Magic

who last

night beat the Celtics. I was getting very

happy about that. Maybe that's why

I'm wearing blue, because of the Magic. Magic

blue, that's right. I am a Magic fan.

Man, that's the only really sports team that I follow is the Orlando Magic,

and I'm happy they're doing good this season.

I'm a little concerned that they're going to be playing the...

If things continue as they are, they will end up playing the Detroit Pistons,

who swept us during the season during our three meetings

and also swept us from the playoffs last season as well as the season before that.

So you can understand why they have some trepidation

when the Magic are going to have to face the Pistons.

Because whenever we play the Pistons, things just get retarded and stupid.

The Pistons just won.

They're a bunch of bullies, those guys, Tuck, guys.

You don't watch NBA.

You don't know what I'm talking about.

Most of the listeners don't care about NBA.

Those Pistons are a bunch of assholes.

I would much rather the Magic come into the playoffs at third place

so they could take on the Philadelphia 76ers.

I feel much more confident with the Magic in the first round playing the 76ers

than I feel with them playing the Pistons.

That's just the way I feel.

That's my moment there.

anyway so yeah and at 10 30 we're going to be calling that uh that guy henry hill in the

meantime we need to do a prank call real quick knock some out for our prank call listeners who

tune in for a prank call let's do a quick one here real quick let's get off the bat

and then a little bit we'll call henry hill talk to him for a little bit and then we'll finish out

with our normal prank calls and malarkey guest callers and stuff our toll free line will be open

later on it is closed for the time being but we will open that in the second segment of the show

that's over uh actually that's milkman that's your job milkman what is that toll free line sir

That's right.

You can call in and join the show tonight.

888-788-509.

There you go.

Excuse me.

That's right.

1-888-278-8509.

You got the time, and we got the dime, as Milkman likes to say.

Let's see what numbers we got here from Lonesome Loser.

Nobody beats Mitch, a wholesale furniture place.

A guy answered there at 9.37 p.m. about 40 minutes ago.

go they're in phoenix as i remember we can call that there's a good option we also got go i

gadgets invisible shield whatever that means i wonder what the invisible shield is uh they're

in spokane law we also have billy bob's burgers remnant from last week i believe tiger mart's

in the house so so tiger mart and wallum what rollins uh wy wy uh wisconsin no what is that

wyoming ew wyoming what's in wyoming what's it do in wyoming that sounds like one of those

weird states where people probably commit suicide a lot it's full of redskins nothing i'm sorry for

saying redskin i don't think that's right oh yeah that's my dad talking a lot cold ass weather

cold in wyoming why would you want to live there doesn't it look like a fat l or is that idaho i

don't know anything about wyoming i don't know what's the city in wyoming what's the capital

wyoming i have no idea cheyenne cheyenne really all right all right well there you go cheyenne

everybody here's a cheyenne drinking a beer take a sip for cheyenne pour some liquor for cheyenne

wyoming's gone uh we also got charlie's lake resort they're in lake city south dakota

serpents kiss source for magical and occult ritual supplies all right serpents kiss this is a source

of magical and occult ritual supplies uh a person sounding like a tranny according to lonesome

loser hits words not mine sounded like one named tenya answered at 10 o'clock sharp pm so let's

call that place this is a source of magical and they spell you know these people that spell magic

now with a ck what is that about i grew up you know and i don't know houdini never said he he

practiced magic with a ck at the end that's queer what's that about all of a sudden these kids were

with black makeup

or magic dick

no it was magic

with a CK

there's no K

in magic

that's French

no

next time you hear

somebody

who spells

magic like that

it's not even French

you roll up a newspaper

and you hit him

in the head

like a dog

and you tell him

no

you hit him

on the head

milkman

sometimes you gotta

do that

I do that to Athena

sometimes

it's the only way

she understands

sometimes

I roll up a newspaper

and I hit her

right in the head

I'm like no

I look at her

I hit her

I just bop her

a little bit

right

there's a pressure

There's a pressure point right at the very crown of the head.

There's a pressure point up there in all women.

You take that and you hit it real hard, real quick, and you say no.

You say no.

That's right.

Honestly, women dig that.

They're like a man who does that.

They take control like that.

They need it.

Women have a psychological need genetically that they need a man to make decisions from once in a while.

Shake him a little bit.

You've got to shake him a little bit.

Grab him by the shoulders and shake her.

You never do that to a baby.

Never do that to a baby.

Never shake a baby.

Oh, no, no, the music is playing, Milkman.

All right, I'm getting excited. I heard the phone ringing.

New number just coming in from Lonesome Loser, Funky Zone.

We called them recently, I believe. We had fun with them, actually.

What was that? What show was that?

That was like three, four shows ago. We called Funky Zone.

But I don't remember it that well.

If you remember, message me and let me know and you get a gold star.

If you reach the serpent's ship, we are located at 2015 North Spencer. Off.

Turned off their answering machine at least.

Five star.

At least I got to turn it off and it kicked me off as soon as I did.

All right, well, cool.

them they're not answering but we turned their answering machine off haha i got you that was a

prank by madhouse radio i love it when we ask um hack them we did that recently to a horse riding

place remember we had there was people leaving credit card numbers and stuff on the answering

machine oh yeah there was there was some guy he's like yeah hi um my uh my checkbook got stolen and

i had to cancel all my checks so my check bounced to you but i'm gonna have the cash please come

Come tomorrow, don't cancel on me.

My check bounced.

And he had like a 30-minute long explanation that his checkbook got stolen

and this bounced and that bounced and this and that.

My good friend Andy told me once.

The best man at my wedding, Andy, good friend of mine,

former co-host on this show, he did mention to me once

when he caught me in a lie.

He said that my biggest tell was that he knows that the more people add to an excuse,

excuse the more likelihood it is that they're lying to you and it goes up exponentially he's

got a point when you got this long drowned out story as to why it's happening you always do it

when you go to work late you know if you go to work late your boss like where were you and you

got this whole story oh yeah well you know my car broke down and then i had to get in there and fix

it and then this happened and you won't believe it then those cops showed up and started giving

me trouble i know you're lying i'm on the tangent i do not know funky zone let's call them yeah

Hey, buddy.

Hey, what's up, man?

How you doing?

Hey, man.

I have a premonition.

I'm sitting here, and I have a premonition.

You did something really disrespectful to me a few weeks ago.

What did you do to me?

What happened?

What did I do for you?

I did very nothing.

I called, and I think you were really disrespectful to me.

It's kind of a blur.

That whole night is kind of a blur.

I know it was on a Thursday.

It was maybe two or three weeks ago.

Me and you, something happened between us, and I think you owe me an apology.

Do you know who was talking to me?

This is the jerk guy at Funky Zone who did something bad to me on the phone several weeks ago.

And it was so traumatizing, I can't even remember it.

But I don't know you.

Just come by here.

I have to talk to you.

I have to see you.

You don't have to threaten me.

You don't have to threaten me, though, sir.

What do you mean come down to touch me?

No.

I don't want to touch you.

I want to see you.

I will defend myself.

If you try to put your hands on me, I'm going to, you know, I don't turn the other cheek.

I'm going to make sure you don't...

Okay, just come by.

I need to apologize for you.

Just come by.

Well, I think you put your hands on my person when I came in there, didn't you?

Huh?

I didn't.

Uh-huh.

You put your hand on my shoulder, didn't you?

Huh?

No, I didn't.

Oh, I think you kind of pushed me by your hand on my shoulder,

and you kind of pushed me a few Thursdays ago,

and I called you, and then you threatened me more to come.

You were going to hit me, weren't you?

When did that happen?

Two months ago?

Thursday, a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago?

What is your name, sir?

Because I want to make a report.

I want to make a report.

I'm making a report right now on you.

I'm writing you up.

Okay, just come by here to the store.

No, what is your name?

I said you're required to give me your name.

Please, right now.

I don't want to give you my name.

Do you have your papers?

I don't want to give you my name.

Do you have papers?

Who's talking to me?

This is Valente.

I want to know.

You need to tell me right now.

Do you have papers or no?

Yes or no, do you have papers?

Which kind of papers?

You know what papers I'm talking about.

Do you have your papers?

All the Division of Foreign Hackers.

Which kind of papers?

Do you know the papers for you to be here?

Like where you are right now, you're supposed to have papers.

But you don't have your papers

And we're going to have a problem aren't we

Shut your mouth man

Who's this

Who's talking to me

Give me the apology

Right now

You fucking guy

You give me the apology right now

Do you think you are a man

Just come by here to the store

If you are a man just come by here

For you to touch me again like you did last time

To push me

I don't want to touch you

I want to kick your ass

Very good, sir.

Very good.

Bro, I don't want to touch you.

I don't want to kick your ass.

I hope you have your papers because I'm coming by with, you know, with other people.

They're going to be...

Shut your mouth, man.

Shut your mouth.

They're going to have to...

I'm going to kick your ass.

I'm sorry to God.

If you come by to the store here again, I'm going to kick your ass.

I dare you, sir.

I dare you to even try touching me.

What's your name?

Now I know what's your number.

You know that.

I'm going to call the police, okay?

Well, sir, I think you're the one who's threatening me.

Hey, bro, I'm going to...

I'm asking you for, hey, hey.

Bro, I'm going to call, you brother asked, and I'm going to call the police, okay?

I, I'm asking you, sir.

You're a fucking guy, okay?

I'm asking you for an apology, and you're threatening me.

Hey, hey, shut your mouth, shut your mouth.

I don't want to apologize for you, shut your mouth.

Hey, fuck, hey, listen, you son of a bitch, you.

Hey, motherfucker, hey, bro, again, okay?

You fucking illegal shit.

Shit.

I'm getting, okay, I'm sorry to God, if you come by to the store again, I'm going to let you fuck my date.

How many fathers do you have, sir?

How many men were with your mother before you were born, bastard?

Little bitch.

All right, let's call him.

Wow, he wants some gay sex.

I'm going to give him a call back later.

I don't remember.

I know we prank called him recently.

Let's turn him in.

I want to say it was maybe two or three.

Get his IP and start hacking him.

We'll work on it, Milkman, all right?

Hang on.

We prank called him, I'd say maybe two or three weeks ago.

I really don't remember what it was, but I remember, I just remember Funky Zone,

and sure enough, yeah, the guy's funny.

We were able to escalate him quite well, quite slowly, I must say.

I did a pretty good job with him.

The level escalation was, from the beginning, was kind of rocky,

but I was able to, you know, keep him in there, and he, that's an art right there.

That's prank calling him.

the funny thing is

he's got our callback number

our Grand Central number

which goes to our private voicemail

so hopefully he'll be leaving a message momentarily

I forgot what that voicemail sounds like

I had to change it recently

as a matter of fact

I want to play that for you guys

I changed it a little bit

I streamlined it a little bit

let me see if I can find out

I changed it here

when we prank call people

people, our caller ID goes spoofed out as a local 407 number,

but it's not the one of the studio or the madhouse toll-free line, nothing like that.

It looks like a, it says unknown, and it has, but it has a phone number,

so it increases our chances of people picking up.

Simple fact being that, you know, they're, well, I mean, when they see it come up,

when you have an actual number, like, okay, well, it's not just blocked, right?

That's something you want to look at if you want to do parent calls.

Yeah, no one's going to pick up a blocked number.

Yeah, the best and parent callers right now do this.

They're either spoofing their numbers with a spooftel.com or spoofcard.com products that they sell those websites.

Hang on a moment, Milkman.

Or they just do a Zolar.

Zolar, he just plays.

He just lets his cell phone voice him a lot.

Go ahead, Milkman.

Yes, sir.

You were going to say, sir.

Oh, yeah.

Did you see that news article from Kokanee, man?

That trap call, dude.

That thing's really messed up, dude.

Trap call?

What happened?

There's a trap call.

What's this?

Yeah, look at that news article.

Yeah, Kokanee sent a news article in, man, about Trapcall.

Oh, Trapcall. Oh, yeah.

The news articles that we got from Kokanee.

Well, what's Trapcall? The one where you can, you always...

I already tried to register for it.

Oh, I got an invite for it already.

But it doesn't work outside of Contiguous 48.

Tell me one of their power users.

Hello, this is Henry Hill.

Yeah.

This is Carlito with Madhouse Radio. How are you doing, good sir?

Good, how are you?

Good, not bad. Good to talk to you.

I just want to, I don't know whether to congratulate you or, you know, console you right now.

What's your feeling on the verdict?

You got two years of probation, correct?

Yeah.

Well, that's unsupervised probation.

Unsupervised.

All right.

So are you going to be getting tested during that, you know?

Are they going to piss test you the whole time?

No, no.

I don't even have to report anything.

They just, you know, I just can't get a serious arrest in the next three years, that's all.

Okay.

All right.

Well, cool.

And I get a $120 fine.

Okay.

I didn't listen, I was guilty, you know, I was drunk in public.

Alright, so, and you did, you pled guilty to this, right?

I mean, you didn't have any chance of fighting, or did you talk to a lawyer at all, or did you just say, fuck it, just guilty?

No, I spoke to an attorney, but, you know, there's no defense.

I mean, I was intoxicated, and you can't break the law.

Alright, now I'm sorry.

No, I'm stoked now, I tend to stay that way.

Okay, so yeah, that's what, well, you're going to stay sober now, what I understand, is that right, Henry?

Absolutely.

Okay, alright.

It's over 40, no, 39 days today.

39 days, okay.

I don't want to entice you or anything like that,

but what's your drink of choice?

Are you a gin drinker, a scotch drinker?

What do you like?

Oh, I don't know.

I like wine.

I like Jack Daniels.

Okay, all right.

Just whatever it is, right?

Just like having a good time.

The dogs.

All right, cool.

So for everybody who doesn't know or doesn't understand,

this is Henry Hill.

Basically, you're the basis of the Goodfellas movie

with dogs in the background.

Watch that now.

So you're the subject that Ray Liotta played you, yourself, right, in the movie Goodfellas?

Exactly, yeah.

Okay, all right, good deal.

So are you friends with Ray Liotta?

Like, do you know him?

I know him.

You know, I see him occasionally.

We have a drink now and then.

Well, we used to have a drink.

He's a cool guy?

I mean, how's he like?

He's really cool.

He's a really cool guy.

He seems like a cool guy.

Good actor, too.

Yeah.

What about Scorsese?

You ever meet him?

I met him, but I don't have no problem with him now.

Okay, all right.

Yeah, well, dude, I saw your movie quite a bit, you know, from when I was a kid.

I mean, it came out in, like, 91 or 90 or something like that, I think.

In 91.

91, yeah, dude, I saw it in the movie theater.

I was young.

I snuck in to see it because I was, like, 13 at the time or something like that.

But I actually own it on DVD.

It's a great movie.

It's an awesome, awesome movie.

I like the whole part where you're in Tampa and stuff like that because I grew up in Orlando,

so it was kind of close.

It was kind of interesting to see that, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, right on.

Hey, sir, are you a fan of any sports?

NBA, football, anything like that?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm a Jet fan, a big Jet fan.

We have a Jet club here, New York Jets club.

Okay.

Yeah, out here in California, and we go to different local caverns,

and we, you know, we call them Jet bars, you know,

and they got giant bars, and they got budget bars, you know,

and we just have a good time.

You know, all the guys get together Sunday morning.

Okay.

All right, cool, like a social club kind of thing.

You got a thing in common.

Yeah, exactly.

I remember this year, a chapter alone.

So you're in L.A. right now, then, right?

I live in Malibu.

You like it better in Malibu than, you know, the old home?

Yes, completely.

The weather is to die for.

I mean, it's the best.

Yeah, I hear you, man.

You know, and I just have to stay out of trouble, that's all.

Yeah.

You know, it's not New York.

There's nothing like New York.

Right, it's a big town.

Different people.

You know, but it's a completely different lifestyle.

It's a different country out here.

But it's cool.

I like it.

Okay, cool.

What about boxing?

I mean, the whole mob kind of mentality in boxing and this and that.

Not that they always talk about the involvement and stuff.

Are you a boxing fan?

Have you ever been to a lot of fights?

Yeah, I used to be, but no more.

You know, I used to gamble quite a bit.

I don't gamble anymore.

I think gambling was my first addiction.

Right.

You know, I like to fight.

You know, I'm watching the basketball games, UConn and Pitt won.

Okay.

Yeah, I'd like to see them both, you know, play each other in the playoffs.

Okay.

Are you an NBA fan?

You know, I love basketball.

I love college football.

Yeah.

Are you an NBA fan at all?

Do you follow the NBA at all?

Yeah, a little.

I go to a little Laker game now and then.

All right, cool, cool.

Awesome, awesome.

Lakers.

All right, cool, cool.

I'm from Orlando, so I'm a Magic fan.

We're doing pretty good this season.

Not as good as we could be doing, but nonetheless, we're doing good.

My son, he just went to the game the other night.

Okay.

All right, cool.

Yeah, yesterday, the day before he went to the game.

Awesome.

Would you care to share

What's the best boxing fight

You ever saw in person

Muhammad Ali

I went to most of his fights

Did you go to the Liston fight

A few times

I didn't go to Manila

He used to come to

We had a few restaurants

With his back

The black dude in the movie

He used to be one of

Muhammad Ali's bodyguards

When he fought

And he brought him down to the club a couple of times, you know.

And they did it with him.

He's a real cool dude.

You know, I really, you know, Doug.

It's been a while now, but I've seen him a couple of years ago.

Right.

You know, he was on a plane.

I was on a plane.

Right.

Yeah, I met him in Atlanta in 96 at the Olympics.

I was 17 years old and I was volunteering at the Atlanta Olympics.

And I saw him.

They did a ceremony at one of the basketball games where they gave him a new gold medal

because he got ticked off during the whole civil rights thing,

and he took his gold medal he got, you know, from boxing in the Olympics,

and he threw it into the river, I think.

And they actually did a ceremony where they gave him a new one,

and I got to shake his hand and got my picture taken with him.

He's an awesome, awesome guy.

Yeah, he is.

Yeah, that's awesome, dude.

I've seen him fight, man.

That's like one of those things that, you know,

I wish I could go back and see a Muhammad Ali boxing fight or watch him.

It was a pleasure to watch him.

Yeah, or see Pavarotti sing live or something like that.

Something that you can't ever do again.

You know, that's awesome.

That's awesome.

Good deal.

So, what about with the other products that you've had?

You've got the gravy stuff, right?

And didn't you have a sauce and a cookbook that came out once?

Yeah, that's the...

Well, you know, I have a cookbook, Henry Hill's Wiseguy Cookbook,

and I got another book out, Gangsters and Goodfellas.

Okay.

I think you had a really good meatball recipe in the cookbook, didn't you?

Am I right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I had that.

Absolutely.

And, you know, the sauce is going to be on the shelves pretty soon.

You know, and I'm involved with, you know, with another company called Her.

It's an energy drink.

It's called A.T.R. Her.

Okay.

It's really good.

Okay.

And it'll be in Safeway and Target stores soon.

Awesome, brother.

Awesome.

That's cool.

Yeah, I bought your cookbook as a gift for Christmas for this Korean girl that I used to date.

and she loved it

because she was a fan of,

like,

she was a fan of those,

that era of movies,

you know,

the,

you know,

the Goodfellas

and the,

you know,

Raging Bull

she was a big fan of

and Casino

and all that.

So I got her the,

I got her the cookbook

and she made the meatballs

and they're really awesome

so kudos to you.

I don't know if they really

came from you or what

but they're awesome

and awesome stuff.

they do.

I still make them

that way today.

Awesome.

Cool, cool.

You know,

and you can buy my sauce,

my Sunday gravy,

that's what I call it,

Sunday gravy.

Sunday Gravy

in the supermarket soon

so that's

Sunday Gravy

it's like a spaghetti sauce

is that what the deal is

yes

it's a Marlboro sauce

it's delicious

ok good good

I'm a big fan of the mariner

alright awesome

awesome

cool cool

do you have like a website

or anything that you want to promote

or anywhere people can go to

my artwork

know, it's Marblotter on eBay.

Or they can go to my website.

It's goodmorninghenryatcharter.net.

Okay.

Cool. All right, everyone, be sure to check that out.

You know, my artwork is cool. It's real reasonable.

Awesome, awesome.

And, Henry, I don't know if we can get into this,

but what was it like being in the Witness Protection Program?

I mean, that whole process.

You know, I give them thanks.

I mean, I give them kudos.

They do a great job, and, you know, they saved my life.

I mean, the government did.

Right

I mean I was a dead

And so was my family

Right

So they basically

They put you out

Like in an odd

Kind of rural

Kind of area

I mean were you like

Living on a farm

Kind of thing

Or can you talk about it

Well I owned a few farms

That's awesome

No

They

You know

They take good care of you

And they protect you well

Okay good

I gotta get

That's right

All right

All right Henry

Well hey thanks

I don't want to take up

Too much of your time

I want to thank you very much

For being on the show man

And hopefully you come back

the Syndicate Radio soon when you get a chance

and, you know, good luck to your brother, alright?

You too. Alright, man, good talking to you.

Alright, everybody, that's Henry Hill.

Very nice guest.

And I think we did a pretty good interview.

Cool guy. I didn't want to talk,

didn't want to take too much of the gentleman's time.

Very good job. Thank you.

We need to go on and move on to more prank calls.

That's Henry Hill, everybody. That's helping us for the podcast.

How did that get located

like around here, where I am?

Right? Really?

Alright. Yeah.

That's where they put a lot of Italian guys out there

Do you have any

Italian mobsters in your family

Who married in

There are the occasional

Odd duck kind of guy

That you know he doesn't belong here

Right

The guy that sold me

Couples that just sort of appear here

Well we were just driving one day

And we figured we would just settle down

Right dude the guy that sold me my car

He was

The guy that sold me my car

he was italian but he grew up in uh in uh in georgia like outside of atlanta so he was like

really southern but he was like his mom and dad were both italian and they had moved down during

like the 40s so he didn't he didn't talk at all like an italian guy but he looked really italian

but he had he talked like you know i don't know how to he talked like you know someone on the

dukes of hazard or something it was quite interesting there you go dukes of hazard

there you go moving right along we got the hoosier in bar that we haven't called yet

Who's your in-bars in Osprey, Florida?

Where is Osprey?

That's the name of a bird, you know, in Osprey.

Come on, come on.

Poncho's Video, they're in Southgate, California.

And Poncho's Restaurant is in Winnetka, California.

Right on.

Dude, I've got this heartburn.

Milkman, what can I do for heartburn?

What should I do?

Should I drink milk?

Would that help out the heartburn?

Because I've got the acids coming up to like right here.

And it's been going on all morning.

I don't know what it is.

That does help.

Oh, man.

I don't know what it is.

and I burped every once in a while.

It'll soothe and coat your stomach, man.

Yeah, man.

And I had some chicken today

and I probably shouldn't have had that.

I think I had like a lot of garlic in it and stuff

and it just was like kind of,

you know,

it just something with me.

Sometimes with the garlic,

it just...

Southern fried chicken.

Fried chicken.

Yeah, that Publix fried chicken,

they put celery salt on that.

That's what they marinate in,

that brine with celery salt.

I know this trick.

I know it.

I've recreated it here in my house, actually.

Fried chicken.

Fried chicken, baby.

Nothing wrong with that

Any Popeyes? Yeah, there's a Popeyes right around

I'll tell you what, I don't like Popeyes fried chicken

It's dry

To me

I love their sides

I think Popeyes sides

Are way better than KFC sides

I'll tell you what

The only side I like at KFC is their coleslaw

The coleslaw is the only good thing

That you can get at KFC

I think, the only thing that I like there

And even so, I don't like it as much as I used to like it.

I like the mashed potatoes and gravy.

It's not bad.

Yeah.

No, no.

It's got a taste of bugs.

It tastes like bug paste to me.

The KFC mashed potatoes and gravy tastes like bugs, dude.

I can't eat it.

No, no.

You got to just put a little bit of salt and pepper in it, and it really helps.

No, that's, no.

I'm not about to, no.

It does kind of feel like there's like a thin layer of dirt all over it.

All right.

True.

But the size of Popeye's, man.

They've got that rice and beans.

I like Popeye's dirty rice.

Their rice and beans at Popeye's are awesome.

Number two, their biscuits.

You can go.

I used to go all the time, man, before I became a diabetic at the Popeye's.

I'd stop there for $1.12.

You could buy a six-pack of biscuits.

I used to go through the drive-thru and give them goddamn $1.12.

That was the price of it plus tax.

I don't know if that's what it still is, but if it is, that's a good poor man's dinner right there.

Their pickles are really good, too.

The six-pack of biscuits at Popeye's, they come buttered and like it's honey butter glaze on.

The best fried chicken

You can get in Florida

Is Publix man

There's just no

No way around it

But no

The Popeyes chicken

Is what I was getting

It's too dry

I don't like it

It's spicy

This and that

Whatever

That's nice

That's cute

But it's dry

It's dry

Especially the chicken breast

It's too dry

They don't

Now Church's chicken

That's a motherfucker

Right there

You find yourself

A Church's chicken

You're in heaven

Without a doubt

The chicken is really good

There

Church's

That's good shit

Yeah man

They finally got one of those

On St. Croix man

Yeah man

They're in Puerto Rico

They're all over the place

It's a huge in Puerto Rico

Church's Chicken, man

Yeah, there's a Church's Chicken in a small town

Close to where my parents live

It's in the general area, but

Oh, you've got to get that

4-year-old cutter bone I was telling you about

Oh, for sure

Oh my god

It's good

Maven says KFC has rice

They do? I didn't know that

Where's KFC? Which KFC?

No shit, really

It's pretty plain, though

Alright cool

Whatever

White people rice

They gotta put butter on it

White people put butter

On their rice

What's that about milkman

Right

White people stupid

That's disgusting

You're gonna take rice

And put some calories

On his rice

Over here

that's just white people are sick yeah that's right put some red beans yeah that's right put

some red beans and some and and uh beef gristle on that right there man when you make the that's

right you make some you fry some pork and you put that for that pork grease you pour right on top

of your rice and your beans man you mix it all up oh hell yeah and you put some love puerto rican

food and you dust it with uh adobo and with uh old bay seasoning you're good to go man that's

It's a dinner right there.

Tell me what.

Some sazon right on it, too, brother.

Oh, yeah, man.

And some butter, too.

That's some good shit.

I'm going to put some real butter on that.

I like those little tiny Puerto Rican peppers.

The little sweet peppers.

Oh, dude, yeah, those really small ones, yeah.

I forgot what they're called.

Oh, they call it achotes?

They're the size of a cherry bomb.

Yeah, they're the size of a little cherry, yeah.

And they're green.

They're so powerful.

Oh, my God.

They call it achotes?

I forgot what they're called.

Scotch bonnets.

That's what they are, right?

Scotch bonnet peppers

They got a name in Spanish

Scotch bonnet peppers

My aunt's house has a tree of them

On the back and we pick them every summer

They're so strong

All you do, you take it

And you put one on your plate

Next to your rice and beans

And you cut a little piece out of the pepper

Each time and you combine it

With your spoonful that you're eating

And the whole little pepper will last you the whole time

That's awesome

That's good eating

i'm gonna get all that type of food on my honeymoon i'm going to puerto rico for the

honeymoon speaking of which we need to talk guys hey hang on before we do the next call hang on i

gotta mention here we got a plan okay now listen andy andy already got his plane flight milkman

for the weekend before and we're planning on doing a show in atlantic city may 23rd alive

we i want i'm gonna go no matter what i'm going with andy to atlantic city to one of those resorts

out there and we're going to have a good time

if Dr. Lego comes

through he said he was going to bring a little

bit of gear and we're going to combine it with

what I bring up and anybody else in the area

and we're going to try to do a live show

from a hotel room

in Atlantic City

or a place in Atlantic City

where we could get an internet connection and do a show

live even if we can't do prank calls

we'll do a show we'll hang out for like an hour

I'll bring my own connection with me bro

there you go you got the cards

yeah you got the sprint cards

So, I mean, if you guys want to, if you guys, you know, if the Syndicate guys can make it,

because I know there's a lot of you guys out in the New York or the AC area,

if you guys can meet up, it would be so awesome if we just did a big meet-up.

I don't know the area, because I'm talking about we'll do a show, you know, live on the air,

maybe for an hour or so, and then we'll go out and go gambling or go out drinking and hang out,

and you fucking get drunk and have fun.

It'll be a bachelor party show, you know, we'll hang out.

And it's exactly a week before my wedding

I won't have to work for a whole three weeks after that

So no matter what

It's going to be me and Milkman

You're planning on coming up for that day also

The same day Andy's flying in

Absolutely

I'm going to be there

I think I'm going to be having to fly out of Minnesota

Because that's right at the end of that job

Is when I'm going to be coming there

So I might just come straight from Minnesota

Well my plane flight is already bought

Andy's is already bought

All right, Milkman, you're coming.

Lonesome Loser, he lives in the area.

He said he's going to show up also.

He's been with us since the beginning.

So what I'm talking, and DTT wants to come.

He's always saying he wants to come.

But that's, here's the deal.

If we're going to do this right, we got less than two months.

All right, so you guys tell me if you want to make this happen,

I'll be more than happy to make a show if you guys want to do a meetup.

If not, I can just do a private thing with me and my best man and maybe two.

but i would love to have a huge you know a thing where you know at least some of you guys like i

said lego said he'll come and he'll bring his equipment he's got some like a mixture he can

bring and he's got some mics and laptops with air cards isn't he uh well the dead's in chicago if

the dead can come if the dead can make the trip i don't know and he's flying and he's not driving

and he's flying he can't bring him he's not giving a ride to anybody unless he wants he's got an 18

King Wheeler, man. He can bring him with him.

He's flying. He's traveling, man.

So, unless they're going to get a

flight together, I don't know what's going to happen.

Alright, dude?

Anyway, Dino said he's...

You tell me. I haven't been looking in the syndicate chat.

It'd be awesome. Tuck, you said you probably

couldn't make it, right? That it would be too hard

for you to do? Is that right?

Yeah.

Well, you're invited regardless. If you can make it,

you're invited. And to the wedding

also. I know that it's hard.

No, it's a trip.

it's in Pennsylvania

anyway so

I'm putting the call out there

if it's going to happen we've got to start planning it now

so I know what kind of arrangements I've got to make

because my honeymoon planning

is about 86%

completed at this point

everything's paid off, I've just got little things here and there

I've got to plan, I've got to buy a new wardrobe

I've got to get some new suits

for the cruise I'm going to be on

I've got to have at least three suits

nice looking suits, milkman

I'm going to get an all white suit with a cane and everything

dog it's gonna be awesome and uh i yeah yeah oh yeah oh yeah man you gotta you gotta do it right

if you're gonna get married you're gonna have a nice honeymoon the nice cruise ship baby you know

and the honeymoon suite with the balcony you know and the jacuzzi inside the suite on the cruise

ship you know what's up no it's not that nice it is nice and we do have a balcony it's a suite

we're not getting a little cabin with a little window we're getting an actual suite with a

sitting space and a tv and a queen-size bed and a walking closet and a balcony where you can sit

outside and watch the water going by and all that it's uh it's a huge boat man so anyway a lot of

people are saying that they uh they might want to show up in the syndicate chat room i guess it's

it's a thing so good good i gotta get with dino though dino keeps telling me i gotta get with him

white hotel that's the thing i don't know the area you know all i know i don't know is that

the borgata is up there and i think trump has a casino out there that's all i know that's all

and while there's boxing over there i don't know is there any events is there a concert in the area

we could do that weekend instead we could do that is there a ufc fight or something i don't know how

this stuff works i don't know how you people live up there in the north i'm i'm just a good old boy

from florida that's all i know all right anyway we got time to plan i'm just saying we gotta put

the word out there we need to make haste i'm putting tuck in charge of the planning anyway

poncho's restaurant and poncho's video who will win the fight who will win the fight between those

those two entities let's find out we're going to call poncho's video here everybody stand by

i'm going to get to some news articles coke and ascendant milkman thank you for reminding me sir

awesome hello hello poncho's poncho's video to place a call press one to listen to your

stupid people on the hunt to answer the phone an american over there god damn it

i really want to call that guy back at the other place what was the place we called earlier

the guy's gonna call the bullies on me bullies with a b someone sends me a link uh that says

It says, you win TEH prize.

You know TEH?

You win TEH prize.

The prize.

And it says, it's free.

I'm sorry, funfreepages.com forward slash prize.

Now, I'm not about to click on it because my laptop, which would normally be over here where I click on links in case it's something that's going to try to take over the show or cause a very loud noise or make a disgusting thing on the screen like pornography come up on the video feed.

Something like that.

I always do it on the laptop over here.

However, my laptop, which I dropped and broke, is in Houston right now being repaired by Dell on their dime.

And I broke it on that.

It was my fault.

I fell asleep in bed with the laptop next to me on the bed at 4 o'clock in the morning.

I got up to take a whiz, and the laptop fell and landed on top of the AC adapter and cracked it.

So it would only run on AC power.

It wouldn't charge the battery anymore.

So I called Dell and played stupid and said, all right, send it back.

will fix it because it's still in the 90 day warranty

I got lucky

yeah well I took

all the anything I got off of torn off

I keep it clean it's my

laptop because I know that's

I don't keep any passwords on the laptop because that's

there's a high likelihood

that my laptop

a much higher likelihood my laptop is going to get stolen

than my computer here you know at home

or the one here at home

or the one over there at home or the one

out in the living room at home we get a lot

lot of computers in this house and it's a lot of energy i should really do the numbers and see how

much i'm wasting on electricity lonesome loser is sending in numbers in england however i do not

have an international car for a little bit of energy lonesome loser uh if you if you know of

uh of a um a uh fucking a uh international car that i could use or where i could get one

on the cheap uh maybe we can do that um actually no because i can't i don't have a debit card

right now. I had to cancel my debit card. I lost it.

Yeah. But we're finding

out here, Delicit on the forums is talking

about the new Google...

...how to get a good debit card, man.

A Visa or MasterCard, man.

Yeah. Okay. I can't wait

to get into your credit card

scam.

Delicit in the Madhouse forums,

that's over at the MadhouseLive.com website,

says that apparently Google

and their new

Google Voice system, it'll be

really cheap to call internationally.

and we'll be able to tie it in with the Grand Central account that we already used to spoof our number with.

So we'll probably start doing that on the next show next week.

But you can call Japan and the UK for two cents a minute,

and that's well within affordability for the show.

So we won't have a problem here with international calls pretty soon, I hope.

We'll find out soon.

If it works through the phone machine, then we can do it.

I'll let you know.

I'm really bullshitting a lot and not coming through with the prank calls.

Everyone's probably like, what the fuck?

Anyway, let's call Poncho's Restaurant now.

Poncho's Restaurant.

Let's see if they pick up here.

Let's put some real music.

Man, man, really, Milkman.

Real music here.

Come on.

Here we go.

All right, here we go.

Yeah, yeah.

This is it.

This will be two for two.

Not a good sign, Milkman's.

Not a good sign, sir.

Oh, hell.

Pick up, Simon.

I want everybody to raise their right hands right now and point towards your computer.

I want you to pray with us aloud.

And, good Lord, please descend yourself, your holy grace, with us.

And please allow these people to pick up the phone here and speak to Carlita so you can prank call them.

We ask you in Jesus' name.

Everyone with their hands up right now, believing in Christ.

Uh-oh.

There's God.

We're being transferred to heaven.

Meep, meep.

Oh, dear.

Meep.

Call Trace.

I was now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network.

At work, you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

We got the flat line.

You heard it.

It went in the background.

All right, let's try to call the furniture place.

Nobody beats Mitch.

The wholesale furniture.

One of those crazy guys on TV that goes, you got furniture, furniture, furniture, motherfucker.

...liquidation.

Continuing his crazy, nobody beats Mitch super sale.

Sorry, Mr. Carl.

We're probably helping out another buyer.

Please do not hang up.

The voicemail system temporarily needs you to re-enter the number you are calling.

Please re-enter the number you are calling.

That is not a recognized mailbox number.

Well, fuck you, man, asshole.

Shut the fuck up.

That's another one I'd take in hand with the newspaper, right in the head.

Right in the head with the newspaper, that phone woman, that phone bitch.

I hate her so much.

There's a real woman who's done that.

Like, they call her, she's got a name.

I mean, like, I don't know, I think that she recently passed away or something like that.

Something like that.

I heard about her recently in the news.

It's a national lady who recorded all this

We're calling Tiger Martin here

Something's got to give

Someone's got to pick up

We're going to take a break after this one by the way

Because I've got to take number one

This is the one I know

And this is the actual

Developed out

Developed out recording

You know, your number is

It's about time for me to eat a sandwich

This is Andrea

Hey Andrea, what's going on big girl?

Not much

Alright, what happened earlier when I tried to call

Nobody wanted to pick up the phone

And it rang and rang

And no one picks up the phone

Were you busy?

I answered it

But it was like on a deadline

So I don't know

No

If that was the same call

I didn't hear you say anything

But I could hear

Like I was saying something

It was like an echo in the back

When I was saying it

Hmm

Do you have problems with your phone?

Because what I did

Was I called the phone company

And I told them

That there was a problem

With the phone line

Mm-hmm

And

But they said that

Someone had to call to authorize

So they could come out

Mm-hmm

From the business

Because I said that

I knew the phone line was down

And they did a test

They did a test on the phone line

And they said there was a problem

But that they needed

is like you guys to call the phone company

to tell them to send someone out

because I can't call.

I keep trying to...

Oh, I'm sorry.

So can you call the phone?

Yeah, I don't know.

Because they're going to send the...

Apparently they're going to send the technician out.

Well, the phone's fine now, actually.

No, I hear there's a buzzing on it.

Oh, who's this?

It sounds like every once in a while

when you talk, it's like that.

Well, I'm not authorized to do that

because I'm not the manager.

so I wouldn't be able to do that.

Already scheduled.

I already took care of it

because the technician

is supposed to come out

within the next three to four hours

and give a commit.

They said it was a commit time

and they gave me a ticket number.

I don't know if you want it.

But they said something

that you had to authorize a charge

or they would bill it

when they got there.

I don't know how it works exactly.

I've never called them before.

Okay, well,

I guess, yeah,

if you want to give me

that ticket number.

Okay, it was today's date.

They said 03-26-2009.

and then it was the time, 1-1-0-7, the letter A, and then your account number.

Okay, yeah, I don't know the account number.

Well, they wouldn't release it to me because I didn't have the, like, I'm not, I don't.

Yeah, I don't have it either because, like I said, I'm not the manager,

so I'd have to run it by then, plus we're not even going to be open here in three hours.

Well, the technician's going to be there, I guess, probably, like they said, like, maybe two to,

they said a maximum of three to four, but they said expect, like, around two hours.

So, I don't know.

What time are you supposed to close?

We close at 11.

Well, maybe you should call and cancel it, because I don't know what time it's going to be there.

Because they'll probably charge you if it comes in.

No one's there to charge you.

No show fee, they said.

Okay.

Well, who did you call?

What company did you call?

I dialed 611, and they put me through.

I don't know.

I just dialed 611.

Like, I asked the person who picked up, and I said, hey, the phone line sounds bad.

I'm calling these people, and this is the phone line calls bad.

And she said, well, if you have a problem with the phone, they say call 611.

So I called it, and I told them what the problem was, and I said they're going to come out.

but they need someone authorized from your place to either let them know to put down the bill

or that the technician, when he shows up, he's going to have to charge if it's not their fault.

If there's no problem, just say they're going to charge for it.

Okay.

Well, if I'm here when they get here, I'll deal with them,

and then if not, I'll just leave a note for my boss.

Well, I don't think it's fair.

Maybe you should call them and cancel it.

I don't know, because if they come there and they start charging you for money

that you're not supposed to give them, then someone's going to get in trouble.

I don't want you to, you know, get in trouble or that they cut off the phone or something.

Okay, who am I speaking with, though?

This is Valente.

I kept calling, and they keep hearing a buzz when I call.

So I called the phone company, and now they're going to send someone out to go fix it.

I don't want them to charge you if they're not supposed to come out there.

I just convinced the person to come out and fix it.

Well, I'll go ahead and give them a call, and I'll see if I can get a cancel.

Well, I'll wait, because maybe I have to give authorization.

It's my phone line, you see.

They're coming out.

It's my phone line.

What's your phone line?

Because you're calling a convenience store.

I know, yeah.

But whenever I call, there's an echo, and it makes a buzzing noise.

So I called 611, and they said they were going to send someone to come fix it.

But if you're telling me it's working fine, then you need to call and tell them to cancel

because they're going to charge somebody for it, and they're not charging me.

They're going to charge you, probably, when they get out there.

Well, I'll have to call my manager and then get with her

because I have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, this isn't coming back on me.

If you people did something to my phone that it's making a bad noise when I'm calling,

Then as far as I'm concerned

You people need to

You know

Pay to fix the phone

Well like I said

You're calling a convenience store

I did not call your phone

And

I did not ask you

To call the technician

Well I called you

I called you for assistance

And you people

Still aren't giving me help

But all I know is

When I called you

The phone

The phone is messed up

But the

You

When I called you

Your phone messed up

Fucking shit

Alright that was it

The reason that got cut off

Was because the person

Hung up the phone

I was trying to confuse him

She's a little too passive, but we tried.

It was still a confusing story.

All right, everybody.

I want to thank you all for calling in.

When we come back, we're going to have the toll-free line open,

so you can call in if you'd like.

Toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Once again, 1-888-278-8509.

Okay?

Do that.

On AOL, Gatling is saying,

I am finally 18.

Hell, Satan.

Well, happy birthday, man.

To be 18 again, eh?

I think the day after I turned 18, I went out and I bought cigarettes and I bought a Hustler magazine at the gas station.

I remember.

Just because I could.

Just because everyone made such a big deal about it.

Well, I'm 18.

I guess I should.

I did what I could do, which is buy cigarettes and buy a porno magazine at the gas station, just to say.

I literally moved out of the house.

He literally moved out of the house.

19th birthday, I moved out of the house.

Fat Fingers already says he's finally 15.

Congratulations, Fat Fingers.

Gatling now says

I would like to thank Hitler

for helping me get this far

LOL

I don't know why he would say

wait a minute

I would like to thank Hitler

for helping me get this far

I don't get it Gatling

whatever you

okay guy

what else is going on here

Athena says

she needs me to come

say hi to her

because she just got home

Evil Artie says

that this show

Madhouse Radio

that you're listening to now

is magical

with a CK

bastard

what did I tell you

negative one gold star for arty you fucked it up didn't you asshole we got greek style chicken

cafe baklava mediterranean okay here we go now see when we come back i really have to get some

business taken care of real quick but when we come back we'll get all our promising stuff don't

worry a lot of good prank calls coming up when we come back as well as your calls gyros gyros

in palo alto california greek style chicken in el cajun california cafe baklava mediterranean

and in Mountain View, California.

And rounding things out,

the Greek Village Inn Restaurant

in Sacramento, California.

It's Greek Hour.

Second hour of the show

brought to you by Athena,

the future Miss Carlito.

Mrs. Carlito.

And more.

You know, more.

Tons and tons of more stuff, okay?

It's Madhouse Radio.

We always do stuff here.

We do something good.

Even when we're not doing something good,

we're doing something good.

We're trying to do the best we can.

Jesus.

Even when the fuckers

don't want to pick up the phone.

You know how that goes.

We'll be back in about five minutes.

Enjoy this break.

This is the best break ever done on Madhouse Radio.

You need to call your boy Jim.

Maybe.

This is the best break ever in the history of the show.

I hope you enjoy it.

Don't miss it.

There's a secret.

Listen carefully to this break.

During the break, there's a secret, everybody.

A secret so unbelievable.

So unbelievable.

We'll be back right after this.

Yes, hello.

How are you doing?

Let's make an appointment machine for an application and an instrumental vision of the interview.

And your name is?

This is Ralph Littlejohn.

And I have four years' experience, and I'll be an asset to your organization.

What you're going to have to do is...

Fill out an application.

I got my pen right here in my hand.

I got my pen.

Where do I come?

Excuse me.

Why do you keep interrupting me?

Because you keep interrupting me.

I'm sorry.

Please don't write down a bad thing on my application because I did that.

What you need to do is get together a resume and fax it down to our corporate office.

What's the fax machine?

We'll take a look at it and see if it might be able to help you.

Okay.

But this is an agency.

I will let you know that if we decide that we can't help you, there is a charge of $295.

Well, maybe we can negotiate.

We can negotiate.

Oh, I can negotiate.

I'm an airline pilot.

I can pay that machine.

What's the fax number, damn it?

It's 888-7...

Okay, and do I hit pound after that?

No, just fax it down to the corporate office.

Okay, you ready for the fax?

I get it.

Are you ready for it?

Pardon me?

Are you ready for the fax?

No, corporate office is in full order.

Well, I just dialed the number now, so I'm ready to hit send.

Well, he faxed it down there.

Did you get it?

It goes to Fort Lauderdale. Why would I get it?

I just faxed it. Do I need to fax it again to Fort Lauderdale?

That's where you just faxed it to, Fort Lauderdale.

Okay, let me redial it.

Okay, and then send.

Did it go through?

Sir, I don't know. I'm not in Fort Lauderdale.

Can you put me on hold and talk to the Fort Lauderdale fax department?

I'll give you a look, woman. I will give you the check when I come in.

It's not about the money.

Ten minutes ago, a guy tried to break in my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yeah, he's a long-legged, test-off Puerto Rican.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Thank you for calling about the post position.

Yo.

Gina.

Hey, Gina.

Gina.

Hello.

Gina, I want to make that happen.

I want to be the post office man.

I would love to deliver the mail.

I have experience.

I was in the Army, so I have experience, and I have federal benefits.

If it's experiences.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do I have to be in the union to get this job?

No, sir.

Oh, okay.

I can let you know everything you need to know.

But first, may I please have the correct spelling of your first and last name?

Hey, I just want to let you know, I hit the zero number, and I got to skip that whole long, boring thing.

So can you explain it to me?

Because I just wanted to talk to a real person.

Okay, may I please have the correct spelling of your first and last name?

Well, you know, before we get into that, ma'am, I mean, I really would like to make sure they're not being taken for a ride.

What are you offering me?

I'm a star.

I'm offering you the materials to prepare for the mandatory exam, sir.

For what mandatory exam?

Explain the exam to me.

I am good.

I use a paper and a pencil, and I fill in the dots, and I give it in.

I give it in to the woman or the man in the front.

No, sir.

Are you taking it on a computer?

On my computer machine or yours?

No, sir, at a testing facility.

Okay, but what's the deal here?

When they go to the testing facility, how much does it cost to use a computer?

Is that worthy it is?

Is that how you do it?

There is no fee for the exam, sir.

All right.

Is it a hard exam?

You will have to prepare for it.

It's not common knowledge, if that's what you're asking.

Well, I just, is it one of those easy ones, like a Mickey Mouse exam?

That's exactly what I'm good at.

I'm good at Mickey Mouse exams and classes and training.

No, sir, it's not a Mickey Mouse exam.

Do I need the drug test to come in?

Yes, sir.

Do you know how long, like, does that include, like, all the substances?

Like alcohol?

Does it include alcohol?

I'm not sure, sir.

How long does it take?

Let's say that I was at a Rolling Stones concert last week,

and there might have been something passed around,

and I might have taken a few hits.

How long would it take for that to get out of my system so I could pass the exam?

Sir, you're not serious about this, are you?

Well, yeah, I am.

I just want to make sure maybe I should hold off a week

or drink a lot of water or vinegar or something like that.

I have no idea, sir.

Does it take like maybe two or three weeks to get out of your system?

I have no idea.

Do you do a hair test or is it a urine test?

I have no idea.

Because I heard there's this test where you get on a treadmill.

I have no idea.

You run on the treadmill and they take the sweat off the crack of your ass.

I have no idea.

Because the toxins come out the latest out of the crack of your ass.

So you don't do the crack of your ass what test?

Hello, ma'am?

Okay, we lost her.

She has no idea, Milkman.

man call in toll free at 1-888-278-8509 you know what i hope that when you die they put your gps

in your box and a trap door at the bottom so when you die you open a trap door at the bottom

you check the gps and you go straight down to the hell madhouse radio is back you are bigger than a

woman you are better than a woman we will always be behind you do not let a woman we'll ever ever

I'll ever make you who you are.

Matt House Radio is back. Carlito here.

Pork sandwich in hand.

Athena made some pork roast yesterday, and I just warmed up some leftover pork roast.

put in between two slices of diet bread with a piece of fat-free cheese that's my dinner too

late for dinner man you got to eat earlier man your metabolism doesn't do right i love that

sticks to your dog all right we got a lot of greek restaurants to call here the kebab

eat express persian here also kebab express persian and the cash tan fine european food

we have no excuses here not to have some prank calls hit next and larson was just like i don't

know if they don't answer again i don't know what the hell's going on it's only a little

It's a little past eight in the West Coast.

I know, man.

I don't know what's up with people.

Something going on?

I don't know about.

It's a senior skip day, and I forgot.

Hi, thank you for calling Greek Spell Chicken Graves Avenue.

This is Jessica speaking.

How may I help you?

Hey, what's up, big girl?

How you doing?

Oh, who is this?

This is Valente.

How you doing?

Great.

I'd like to make...

Do you guys take phone orders?

Of course we do.

Okay.

Can we please take an order from you?

Go ahead, sir.

Okay.

All right, I'm looking...

There was a...

You guys have the dolmades?

Dolme?

I think it's dolmades, is what the guy said.

I got it written down here.

What, I think?

He said there's some grape figs.

Grape figs with grape spaces.

Yeah, they got, like, spaces inside them, grape.

Oh, no, we don't have those.

I know what you're talking about, but we don't have them.

Like, the stuffed grape leaves?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we don't have that.

We have, like, pretty much the basics, like gyros, chicken pitas, chicken salad.

You don't have the malacca?

Mm-mm.

No.

Baklava?

No.

Is this a hemoglobin?

No.

What kind of shitty Greek place is this?

Is this Gyros Gyros or something?

Is this one of those stupid college places?

Are you Greek?

No.

Is there anybody Greek who works there?

Yes.

Well, no.

They don't work here.

What school is this?

School.

Is this some kind of school campus bullshit that I'm calling?

No, it's not.

It's on University Avenue.

What's the deal?

What are you doing there?

Where's the Greek people?

There's nobody there who's Greek at all.

It's just you, white people there, right?

Oh, my God, I'm not white.

I'm Mexican.

Yeah, okay.

Are you really?

I swear.

Say something in Spanish.

Say what?

Okay, name the capital of all the Mexican states.

Oh, my gosh, I'm not going to do all that.

No, because you're not Mexican.

You're lying.

I am.

You're not real Mexican.

I am.

Okay, just name the states in Mexico.

Which are they?

I don't know.

Come on, sign them out with me.

Che, che, come on.

No.

Mexico City.

You know that one, right?

Yeah.

Baja.

No.

I got to meet this guy now.

He better come in after talking about our food.

Are you talking mad about it?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's awesome.

Can you put her on the phone, please?

Say hi to him.

Hello, this is Krista.

How can I help you?

You're an asshole is what you are.

Get off the phone.

I command you to hang up.

I'm sorry, what was that?

I said I command you to hang up the phone because you're an asshole.

Hang it up now.

Be a good little girl.

Hang up the phone.

Hello?

Yeah, what happened?

Why does she hang up?

Why does she not want to talk to me?

I don't understand.

I don't know.

What did you say to her?

You called her an asshole?

Kind of.

Is she mad?

What did she call me?

What did she say?

The F word?

No.

Put her back on the phone.

No, no, because she said the F word, didn't she?

Ask her what she said, the F word.

No, she didn't.

Tell her to repeat what she said right now.

She just said we don't need to take business from somebody who...

She said, she called me an effing a-hole.

That's what she said.

She said bad words.

No, she didn't.

Do you want to place an order?

Yes.

Go ahead.

I want an order for an apology from the white girl back there who called me an effing asshole.

Oh, my God.

What's her name?

Do you tell me right now her information?

What is her name?

Her name?

Yeah.

All right, let me ask you this.

Let me ask you this.

All right, look.

I'm going to tell you for real what's going on, all right?

Okay.

I came in earlier, and I thought you were cute.

So I was thinking, like, if I were to buy you some Diamond Stud earrings, like, would you be into that?

Would you, like, what would that be?

I have some already.

Oh, I'll get you bigger ones.

What size?

How many carats you got now?

You got a half carat?

Not very many.

I do work at Greek Spell Chicken.

You want a whole carrot?

Like whole carrot ones?

I'll get you that.

Who is this?

This is Valente.

It's Valente.

Would you be into that?

Like, if I got you some diamond earrings?

Of course I would, but no guy just buys girl diamonds for no reason.

Well, it won't be for a reason.

I mean, what can you, you know?

I mean, what would that, how far would that get me?

Um, I don't know, because I don't know who you are.

This is Valente.

I came in earlier.

Did you see any disgusting men come in today?

Disgusting men?

Yeah.

No.

There you go.

No, so you have nothing to worry about.

So, for real now, what do you think?

Just between me and you.

I'll get you some earrings.

I'll take you out.

Do you like movies?

Yes.

Do you like ice cream?

How do you know that I'm the one you thought was cute?

Because you told me your name when you picked up the phone.

I could just tell.

Yeah, but how do you know my name?

Because you said you're Mexican.

I know that looking at you, I know you're Mexican.

You're the Mexican girl.

You don't even know what I look like?

I told you I saw you.

You had a nice ass.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be crude, but you had a nice, you know, nice body.

You had a nice little thing, hot little thing on you.

Okay, well, I have to go because the owner's son just got here.

Is it the Greek guy?

To write me up.

Is it the Greek guy?

You want me to call you later?

You can.

You got my ID, right?

You got my caller ID?

No.

Well, you want to get it.

What is it?

Let me write it down.

All right.

Go ahead.

It's 407-459-4534.

Can you repeat it?

407-459-4534.

4534.

Yeah, what was your name?

Jessica.

All right, Jessica, that's right.

right give me call back all right talk to you okay bye lady bye still got it we're gonna watch

out we got jessica mexican girl sounds white she calls back i'm gonna do something weird he's into

it what was the address there i don't know what city was it i thought you said grant avenue or

something no no no grant avenue it was um university avenue where's palo alto now where's

one hour away from syndicates there you go let's send him over there get some pictures for us you

know go taste go taste the sauce for us syndicates let me know what's up maybe i'll take a trip out

there instead for the syndicate party do a west coast party i'm gonna fly to palo alto for a

private bachelor party with jessica at the greek gyro place continuing on we're gonna call the

kebab express persian restaurant they're in folsom california home of folsom county prison one moment

We love you.

your meat all halal meat yes sir so does that mean that you people turn it towards mecca and then

you turn it to mecca right yes sir and you put the cutting knife up to the throat and you go

and you cut the throat and you're supposed to hang it upside down all the blood drips down

and then the muslim woman gets under the the cow and she rubs it inside her and all that in her

private parts and that's halal right i'm sorry sir that the the muslim woman she gets under the cow

when they cut the throat towards Mecca

and the blood goes on her

and she rubs it on her, you know,

like her private parts and herself

to make it...

Um, sir, the phone lines are all tapped

and your number has been recorded.

If you have any questions...

But I have private...

I have private number.

Private.

No, sir, your number showed up.

No, it's private.

I blocked my number.

I do the...

I hit the buttons when I do it

and it's blocked.

Well, everything's been recorded

and, um...

Why do you people do that with the cow?

Why do you just not buy the cow at the restaurant?

Why do you make a show, a parade out of slaughtering an innocent animal?

You make it to the ceremony that this and we're going to make a fertilize this

and the ground is holy and the meat can't be this and that.

And you make the animal suffer so much when you do that.

You cause undue stress to a woman who's underneath the cow.

The cow doesn't know that and gets scared.

And what if the cow falls down?

Sir, if you could please go and do your research and then call us back later.

Thank you.

What should I read?

What do you want me to read?

Watchtower?

Aren't there the people that do Watchtower magazine?

The Muslims?

It's a good read.

Check that out, everybody.

That's Milkman's favorite magazine.

He has it on his toilet.

He's got stacks and stacks going back from like since 1987.

All in order.

It makes out a picture if you put them all together.

Like Maxim Magazine.

Watchtower.

I want to know, when did Watchtower, when did that start?

When was the first Watchtower?

Let's go to Wikipedia.

I'm looking up here, Watchtower Magazine.

Is it a weekly publication?

Is it a monthly publication?

How does it work?

Let's see here.

Watchtower, and then I'll go to this ambiguation.

This is work.

I don't see it here.

The Watchtower, here we go.

A magazine published twice per month by the Jehovah's Witnesses.

There we go.

All right, let's take a look at this.

It's a monthly illustrated religious magazine printed and published by Jehovah's Witnesses

via the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania in New York.

Okay.

Let's see.

The first one was October 1st, 1907.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Distribution.

The public edition of the Watchtower has an average print run of 37,252,000 copies per week.

Holy crap.

With an issue date of the first of the month.

Making it the largest.

I'm sorry.

They hand those things out at the grocery stores.

Making it the largest circulation magazine in the world, it is published in 174 languages.

The study edition is also printed monthly, which an issue date of the 15th, blah, blah, blah.

Since its founding, the Watchtower has never missed a single issue.

A magazine that nobody ever reads.

I'm sure people read it.

They're printing 37 million of those things.

God, that's a huge waste of...

The Jehovah's Witnesses get it, pass it out, and no one ever reads it.

because they weren't frozen in a trash can.

The magazine is distributed by Jehovah's Witnesses.

They consider their work as a public service.

Witnesses commonly offer these magazines on the course of their house-to-house ministry.

That's the magazine that whenever reads the thread is the way.

They are also distributed by approaching people in public places

or informally to doctors, academics, politicians, and acquaintances.

The Watchtower may also be seen as reading material in public places

including bus terminals, laundromats, and other places.

There you go.

Distribution in places such as mailbox drops

and placing large stacks in public places

are strongly discouraged by the Watchtower Society

as they're generally less effective methods of attracting interest

versus a personal presentation of the literature.

Okay, there you go.

And apparently there are official MP3 recordings

of the Watchtower and Awake magazines available on their website.

I wonder if they have a podcast.

That'd be cool to listen to.

What are Jehovah's Witnesses about?

What's the controversy?

I just know that my mom said I was supposed to not listen to them

because she was Catholic.

I don't understand.

They would come to the house and my mom would argue with them

about church for an hour at a time.

They're not Catholic.

My mom would let them always come in

so she could go into this dissertation about the Catholic Church

versus the Jehovah's Witness Church.

I don't know why she always wanted to fight that fight.

It was like, Mom, just let it go, please.

We're right back with the next prank call of the night.

We're calling another Greek restaurant.

What's the matter with you?

Hi, is this the Soyeon-dong?

Yes, it is.

It is? Actually, okay, good.

I wanted to see if I could get some tofu, please.

You mean tofu?

Tofu.

Yes.

I want to eat tofu.

Tofu soup?

No, tofu.

Tofu?

Tofu, sir, tofu.

What tofu do you have there?

What tofu?

Tofu.

We have...

Hold on, please.

Sorry?

Hold on, please.

Geez, are you French?

I am, sir.

what are they saying chuck hello hi there hi is chuck there hello it's psychic chuck hello yes i

need to make an order for two food please okay what can i get you two food i said yeah two food

right two food you don't have any two food yeah hello just write down that i need two two food

please all right just make it easy yeah don't give me a heart i know that i have an accent you

You don't need to make it hard on me.

Make fun of me because of my odd accent.

Just write down two tofu, please.

Do you put curry?

What kind of tofu do you want?

I have curry sauce and onions.

Yeah, but what kind of tofu do you want?

With curry sauce and onions.

We don't have that dish.

Can I call the right number?

I need two foods, sir.

This is So Young Gong.

Yeah, which restaurant did you call?

So Young Gong.

Yeah, so we don't have anything that you call.

Well, what is your number two?

Who is making...

Excuse me a minute.

Now, who's making so much noise in the back?

Who is that?

I'm sorry, can you repeat that again?

Was there someone making a lot of noise in the back with plates and cups?

Because it was the kitchen.

Who was that? What's the person doing? What's the problem?

I was in the kitchen. That's why it was making so much noise.

But who was making the noise, though?

Was it you or someone else that was making the noise with the plates?

It's kind of noisy right now.

But I'm saying, was there someone back there making noise when you were walking by?

No.

Then what did I hear?

Can you go back there, and maybe we can figure out what I need?

Okay. Just tell me what kind of tofu do you want?

Tofu.

Yes. What kind of tofu do you want?

Oh, do you have curry and onions?

Curry and onions?

Yes.

No, we don't have that dish.

Do you have onions there?

We got beef, pork, chicken, or seafood.

Do you have onions there, sir? Onions?

Yes, we do have onions.

And do you have curry?

We don't have any curry.

Well, what else can you put with the onions then? I want you to make me a special sauce.

Well, what kind of stuff do you want in your tofu?

A little bit of onions. Do you have adobo?

Gobo.

We don't have any gobo.

No, adobo.

Adobo.

It's a meat seasoning from Puerto Rico.

No, we don't have that dish.

We only have a simple meat, beef, pork, chicken, or seafood.

What seasoning?

What else can you put more than onions?

What else could you put on it?

Do you have peas?

Well, this is just tofu, just soup.

Do you have any snap peas?

No, we don't have any snap peas.

What else do you put in your soup other than tofu?

Like I said, we have beef, pork, mushroom, seafood.

Well, wait a minute, wait a minute, asshole.

Listen, you just told me a second ago you had onions,

so obviously you're putting other stuff into the shit, right?

Do you put salt in it?

Do you, what do you put, garlic powder?

What else do you have?

You gotta give me a little bit of something to work with here, buddy.

Okay.

People would, you know.

How spicy do you want it?

Well, you know, I like spicy, and I don't want that American spice.

How spicy do you like it?

Do you like high-spicy food?

Yes, I do.

Well, how spicy do you make it?

Okay, let me tell you something, okay?

Take it easy.

don't get don't get fresh okay go ahead okay so what do you want garlic in that put some garlic

in it yeah do you have a uh do you have scotch bonnet peppers no it's a fresh garlic what's

the strongest pepper that you have like in the saffron simpson scale red pepper that's it that's

the you only go up to jalapeno yes without chili with the red hot sauce you don't have chili

peppers there chili pepper yes we do what about habanero we don't have that thing what do you

have weak spices there if this is a sushi place, a tofu place? This is not a sushi place.

Two, hang on. I just made a mistake. I read the wrong one. This is a tofu place. Okay.

Like, what do you put in your spicy food to make it spicy? I want the, you know, what

do you... Like I said, garlic, pepper. This is what you eat, and it's as spicy to you?

Garlic? Garlic isn't spicy. It's just garlic. I said garlic. You're a fucking dick. You

know that? You suck. You suck. I'm sorry. You should call somebody else. You should

go shove it up. Take the phone and shove it up your ass. Go. Go fuck you. Stupid

Stupid asshole.

Fucking unfunny shit.

How much you got to do to get a fucking guy to fucking take a bite?

Jesus.

It's one of those nights.

It's...

Talking to a bunch of people with pussy juice in their heads.

Let's call Jim Noble.

Call Charlie Pat.

Well, did you send me the number?

Let me take a look.

Oh, we did.

Nope.

Send me the number.

Send me Jim Noble's number and I'll call him.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

All right, Psychic Chuck, be sure to let me know when you're going to go on tonight

so I know when to get up a syndicate.

Appreciate it, sir.

3 a.m., you got it, no problem.

3 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, 12 midnight.

You'll be sidekick Chuck tonight.

We're going to go off at midnight, and then you'll hear three hours of silence.

Looking forward to that.

We're going to give a call here to the Cash Tan Fine European Food.

They're in San Diego, California.

No, fuck that.

We're going to call back the angry guy, Funky Zone.

Let's call Funky Zone first.

Hi,

is this the white guy?

I had a few drinks

And I thought I'd calm down

And as long as you give me your apology

And it's sincere this time

Do you want me to apologize for you?

As long as you give me

Wait a minute

It's not sincere

It doesn't work if it's not real

It has to be from the heart

No, really try

I tried man

Do you have your fingers crossed

Or something while you're saying that

You don't sound like

Well, then it's not a good, it's not valid, it's not

If you're going to say you're sorry, don't just say sorry to say you're sorry

You're sorry because you're sorry

Yeah, I'm sorry because I'm sorry

Because you made a mistake, right?

You made a, you did a bad thing to people

Yeah

So why did you touch me like that?

Like, why did you put your hand on me and my shoulder?

I have a customer, just one second, just wait one second

Okay, what's the customer doing?

He's buying something

What is he buying, bad food?

It's not your business, man

You're very rude, you know that, sir?

Well, how's it going, guys?

Have a good night

You see, I treat our customer very good.

Yeah, because you know that I made a report on you,

and now you're doing an extra special to be nice, because I'm on the phone, right?

Uh-huh.

Okay, hold on.

What's your name?

Were those black people, or what were they?

Who?

It's like you called them when they called in now.

Those people that came in, what color were they?

They were black. Why?

What was their name?

Why are you asking about our customer?

Because I think maybe you're nice to the white people, but not the black people when they come down.

Okay, but I'm white.

I'm not like

I have to be nice

For everybody

I know

You don't have papers

That's why

Because you know

It could be the wrong person

That you make angry

What are you talking about?

Your papers

Hey

Hey bro

I'm an American citizen

When you apply for a job

What do you give?

It's my cousin's job

Hey

It's my cousin's

It's my cousin's store

Do you have to give

Your driver's license

Or do you have to give

Calls (18, 1 h 10 min of 2 h 22 min)

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