2009-04-09 Show

I don't have any sisters.

You know that?

I have 12 brothers.

You have five?

All of them, they fuck you.

How many fathers do you have?

If you are a man, I have 12.

And if you are a man, just come by here.

If you're a man?

Why do you say it like a woman?

If you are a man, come by here.

Because you're like...

Your phone is tracking now, and we're going to call the FBI to kick your ass.

And police officers in Roswell, they're going to kick your ass.

But they'll send you back to your...

If you are a man, just come by here.

Oh, I said bad words?

But what bad words did I say?

You know what you said when you hung up the phone.

I heard it.

What did I say?

I don't repeat those words.

I'm a Christian.

I don't repeat.

Sir.

You must enjoy talking.

I'm a Christian and really rude right now.

You said a bad word.

I have a Christian in front of me.

You know what?

I'm going to tell you some really bad words in about five seconds and lose my religion.

So do you want to make reservations or not?

I want you to apologize for the bad words that you said.

I'm not apologizing.

I'm not apologizing for anything.

Because you're horrible.

You're a horrible person.

Okay.

I'm so glad you think I'm so horrible

And hell's gonna freeze over eventually

God's gonna come down and kill me

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast

The Madhouse Radio Podcast

Introduce the star of our show

Ryan terminates the call

The young man you've all been waiting for

Mr. Soul

So what do you say let's all get together

And welcome him to the stand with a great big hand

Good evening, Jules.

Hey, everybody.

Madhouse Radio is back.

Milkman is here also, along with Big Tug.

How are you, gentlemen?

All your bases belong to us.

It's good to be back, man.

man. That's been a long

vacation. And we're back.

Last week, everybody, but

we're back. I told you the

Armanito would be back.

We're ready to take

no prisoners. We're going to kill

all that we receive.

Right, that's right. Whatever you

say, man. Whatever you say.

Good evening, everybody. We're going to do a show.

We're Man House Radio. We do shows

et cetera, et cetera, Thursday nights

and on rare Mondays.

I got a problem with my new haircut, and it's

even exacerbated when I have the

cam on, when I have the headphones on.

But they left me with this. I'm going to take my

headphones off for a second. They left me with this, like,

too much hair in the front. Alright?

I went to the gay guy.

The gay guy haircut guy.

I'm always told that the gays do good haircuts.

Shut up. I'm always told that

the gay people do good haircuts.

He didn't do the good

gay haircut. I think he was a little angry.

Me, you know, my

straightness, despite the fact that I have

a gay-looking goatee.

no man

he left me too much

hair in the front

now I look like

fucking Elvis

and I got a pimple

over here

where is it over

it's on a mirror mode

I got a pimple

here

I've had it for

three days

ha ha ha

motherfucker

how old are you

15

listen I have

pimples on my

dick milkman

like you do

explain that

alright

we're here to

do stuff

and

you can give us

a call if you'd like

our toll free line

will be open

later on tonight

milkman what is

That's that toll-free line, sir.

You know what the number is, but you just dialed in 888-788-509.

Get down in the ghetto tonight because we're going to be down and dirty.

888-278-8509.

Ain't that right there, Monito?

Sure, whatever you say, man.

I want to say a big what's up to everyone in the chat room checking in,

including the man himself, Lonesome Loser, the loser of the lonesomes,

the lonesome of the losers.

Yes, welcome back.

Just got off the phone with my own mother.

She was at the Catholic Church already getting ready for the big Easter weekend.

Needed to not handle the responsibility, Lonesome Loser.

We're happy to have you back.

That's right.

My mom, Milkman, is already at the Catholic Church.

Tonight was Thursday, so it's Good Thursday, I guess.

Good Friday is tomorrow here.

Awesome.

You know, most Catholics get the day off.

I don't.

It's Good Thursday, too.

It is.

It's a Thursday and a Good Friday.

yeah okay thursday good friday and saturday nothing happens there's no church functions

one of the few days of the year where in the catholic church they can't even have mass

you can't sacrament you can't do the sacrament of the eucharist um well it's good because jesus

died that's a good thing i always wear red on great on good friday everyone else should do

the same too uh wear red tomorrow in honor of jesus's blood but he died on a thursday or did

Did he die on a Friday?

He died on a Friday.

It was at 13, 13 p.m. on the 13th of the 13th month of the 13th hour.

Yeah.

Remember, we talked about this before.

Good Friday.

Oh, my gosh.

In the year 013.

Yeah.

And in 2013, you know what's going to happen, right?

He's going to come back.

Right.

Nothing.

Because we're going to be staying on our hands.

Yeah.

I want to say what's up to everyone in the Madhouse Radio Network.

Network, thank you to everyone who's tuning in.

We're all over the place.

Thank you, everybody.

We have a lot of people listening for the first time.

A little bit of here, a little bit of there.

I see Reckless in the house.

Good to see you, man.

I was talking to him earlier.

Milkman.

Milkman's in the house.

Hey, you people.

Sir Noonoo himself is out there.

We already talked about Lonesome Loser.

Bye, baby.

Lonesome Loser.

We've been cruising the ghettos, baby.

Lonesome Loser has sent in some numbers, and I'll be reading those off in a moment.

Thank you, sir.

Big Tuck, of course.

Thank you, Tuckermike.com.

It's his website.

He's like, he makes drawings of pictures of girls with big boobies.

Yeah.

Show your titty.

Big Maven in the house.

Big Ellie in the house.

A lot of big girls in the house tonight.

Good to see them, all the big girls.

Mikey 129, MSC3 Clay, and the pilot that is DTT in the house.

Awesome. We've got a Muslim pilot here in the house as well.

Of course, everybody over in the Syndicate Radio family of people.

I want to say a big what's up to Disturbedy.

Why are there so many guestesses up in Syndicate for the last few days?

I don't understand, really. There's a lot of guestesses out there.

Please explain to me.

So many what?

Man doesn't understand.

Guestesses.

Evil Artie, who ruined my carpet over here.

Athena came in tonight. I was sending her up.

She was like, oh, we really need to get the carpets done, Carlito.

You get an X pattern right on the carpet.

We need to get the carpets done here.

Like, yeah, we need to get Artie to come over here and do the carpets.

You think for one minute, Artie, you fucking asshole, that I'm going to go down to Ace Hardware.

You all know about them X patterns, right?

You know, one of those little doggies, you know, they get their little butt and they hike their legs up.

And they drag it around the carpet and they do like a big X pattern.

No, he doesn't do that.

That's what Artie did right there in the middle of Carlito's studio.

No, he put gummy bears on the floor and they fell down on the ground.

and he's so lazy he doesn't get

to go bend down to pick up

pick them up and he just starts stepping everywhere

with his big fat sweaty feet

he's covering up for the fact that you did the X pattern

burnout

but the truth is we know

hey Milkman

what I'm trying to get at here sir

is that I'm not going to be steam cleaning these carpets

Artie's coming here

to steam clean these carpets

and he's paying for the shit too

he's going to rent the machine

if you think for a second I'm going to go down to Ace Harbor

to rent that stupid damn machine

and break my back here

fixing the carpet that already messed up

in my house. I'll put that picture up later.

He's got enough problems.

He should be banned from syndicate for ruining

my house.

This is my house, not his house.

You better make sure that he gets

plenty of

antibiotics there

because the people matter left behind

after a little X pattern.

I wish he would come over again.

I put him on all fours on the ground

and I stick his face in the damn stains

that he put in my carpet

and I rub his nose in it like a dog,

like a bad, dirty dog that shit the floor

and I'll go, no, no, no, like that.

And I'll hit him in the head

with a damn newspaper rolled up, you asshole.

Don't ever fucking call me again.

Don't come over here looking for money again.

Don't bother me anymore.

I'm not buying you dinner anymore either.

Evil already.

Come here, fix the carpet, everybody.

Please implore her to come fix my goddamn carpet.

There's a bunch of other people

in the chat room over there in Syndicate,

mostly white people

I'm just telling you

you don't want him

back in the house

no I just don't

it's yeah

everything he touches

turns into retardation

I'm drinking water

straight out of the gallon

like real men do

oh yeah

I love water

good stuff

I'm hooked on it

tonight we're going to be

calling a lot of numbers

we got a lot of

requests that have come in

I forgot to mention

last week

that I couldn't do

a live show last week

I forgot to mention

this two weeks ago

that I couldn't do

a live show this week

my bad

I try to make it

as best as possible

for everyone to find out on friday instead of wine message sitting out again on sunday right

the most regular that's right the most regular bunch right here right that's right the most

regular mikey 129 wants madhouse water with a donkey on the label good idea mikey 129 we're

gonna get some water bottles all set up hey milkman what's going on with the quiet on the

set rule that we had around here right god talk tuck cell phone ever goes off i'm sorry it wasn't

muted oh hell wasn't muted i'm gonna meet you you go have your conversation you're gonna have

have a conversation now milkman are you with us yes it's because my rooster is asleep

yes i'm on my way over to pick that up oh look at that milkman's gonna get some weed all right

everybody you got that yeah i got the money oh that's awesome man i'm coming right back i'm

desperate i've been scraping my stuff down any uk calls tonight uh good question uh no i don't

have it you know what here's the deal i have the ability now um through google voice they have

have really good rates for international pranks for international calls and i can do it right

through the phone so most definitely um maybe i'll set that up tonight you know i'll look into

it i'll go to my google account and i might buy some credits for google voice and then we could

do some international calls maybe that'd be good motivate me motivate me or get me an international

card that will work also um numbers here from lonesome loser we got the wawa food market there's

a bitch named felicia who is the assistant manager at the store and uh lonesome loser

are suggesting we bring back the Eddie Garcia voice,

which has been in retirement for quite some

time. Let's go ahead and take Milkman. Are you done talking?

Are you with us now, or are you still on the phone?

Yeah, I'm sorry about that, man. I'm getting ready to go

mobile, man. Alright, good. Where are you going?

You can tell him about the surprise if

you want. Alright. What, what? You're going to pick up

some weed? That's good, man. Awesome. Yeah, make a little pick-up

pick-up sometime, you know. Oh, man.

Milkman is going to get some drugs.

He's going to smoke drugs. You know, Milkman,

over there, smoking drugs.

Yeah, man! Jam on you, Milkman.

We don't do that in the show.

Right here, man.

Just go to the titty bar, man.

I twisted up a big fatty for Chug, my brother, hermanito, Carlito, man, and a polenta.

Man, we're going to get down, get down, my girl Ellie, my girl Maeve, and all my friends over there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're going to get down.

All right, just be careful driving around.

All my buddies over there at the 10K store, man.

Anyway, Milkman, he's in his car, and he's got his laptop hooked up on his Sprint AirCard,

and he's got his headset on, and he's connected to us via TeamSpeak.

So, Milkman, you're going to be driving around Los Angeles talking to us.

Yeah, I took my condenser mic, my $350 mic, and I mount it right here in my little phone holder.

Okay.

And dashboard, so let's see how this works.

Wow.

Can you honk the horn?

Prove that you're there.

Roll the windows down and honk the horn real quick.

Yeah, honk the horn.

Honk the horn.

Yeah.

There you go, Milquan.

Carlito.

Hey, oh, my God.

This is awesome.

We should, like, try it.

Can I hear you?

Fuck my butthole, Nuno.

All right, so, Milquan, where in L.A. are you exactly right now?

Are you driving or are you still parked right now?

What's the deal?

No, I'm just getting ready to pull out, man.

I got to go meet somebody over here, man.

They got some hot stuff, man.

I got a big bag to pick up.

We're going to have a big-ass party tonight right here in the madhouse.

Milkman's going to get shot.

I'm in Torrance right now.

Milkman's going to get shot somewhere in Torrance, California.

We're in L.A. tonight trying to buy weed.

Good for him.

Let's see how this works out.

Stay with us.

My last night, you could hear me bleed to death.

Oh, oh, oh.

All right, good luck with that, Milkman.

Keep us posted.

Please just make as little noise as you can, all right?

All right.

All right, cool.

Denny's restaurants are also here.

I'm trying not to, bro.

Lonesome Loser sent in Denny's Restaurant's White Castle.

Napoleon's Retreat.

Napoleon retreated quite a bit.

That is French.

Perhaps.

We should get Sean Ward and Milkman together.

I got together with him once.

It was quite the experience.

Napoleon Tavern.

That's where Napoleon retreated to.

St. Anne Marie Antoinette Hotel.

Obviously, Lonesome Loser is in some mood tonight about French history.

And the Bastille Restaurant.

restaurant there you go rounding things out also the oh yeah lasalle hotel let's hear it for them

unshaven armpit women yeah all right so uh we got news to get to later on also this is we're

going to jump into the prank calls first as quickly as possible as hell man you guys have

any requests you want to uh you have of older prank calls and stuff like that that we've had

in the past that we might be able to pull up here for you let us know we'd be more than happy to

play them if you have your own request for prank calls you have prank calls you want us to do for

you send them to me oh no stop you can message me madhouse radio on aol and yahoo instant messenger

again if you're using aol or yahoo instant messenger all the stuff madhouse radio is the

screen name uh 10-4 on that no old stuff also if you're on msn messenger madhouse at live.com

again msn messenger users madhouse at live.com toll-free line is uh open now okay what the hell

That's my navigation system there, bro.

All right.

Tell them to take you to, where does it take you to?

How long is your trip?

What does it say?

It sounds hot.

Does it tell you?

Yeah.

Let's talk to the lady.

Let's see.

It says 4.3 miles.

It sounds kind of cute.

That's not bad.

Cool.

Can you hear us?

She's really hot.

Can you click on the speaker and they can hear us?

Do you think in Scotland they have Scottish sounding GPS navigation voices?

If they could hear you, then it would be feeding back.

God damn it.

I've got to do the madhouse.

Be a good idea.

They do.

Do they really?

All right, now we're mobile.

All right, Milkman, be quiet.

Yeah.

Madhouse Radio, you're on the air.

Thank you for calling.

What's up, Carlito?

Hey, Jonathan, what's going on, sir?

Not much.

What are y'all up to?

I got your message, by the way.

We're doing good.

Milkman's driving around.

He's buying stuff in his car.

He's driving in the back when we can hear him.

Milkman, honk your horn again over there.

I heard it already.

He's going to honk his horn soon.

Hold on.

I can't wait for Milkman to get pulled over tonight.

Oh, my God.

People are looking.

I got to take off.

Oh, shit.

I got to take off, man.

All right.

Take it easy, Milkman.

You'll be all right.

We'll be here.

We'll bail you out.

Jonathan, how's your day going, man?

How's your week been?

You're coming to Orlando.

Listen to the cop, man.

Yeah, I'll be coming to Orlando June the 4th through the 7th.

What's left?

And then...

June something.

That's kind of hot that time.

Are you going to Disney?

Yeah, man.

I don't know what I'm going to be doing.

I still got a lot of planning to do.

We got to meet up.

Oh, dude, what week in June?

Because I'm going to be on my wedding thing all the way up until the 18th or the 17th.

From the 4th through the 7th?

Yep, I'll be in the Caribbean at that point, actually.

I'll be in the Caribbean.

I won't be able to see you, my friend.

I won't be in town.

Oh, well.

I wish I had my webcam hooked up.

You'll see this old geezer hanging out on the porch out here.

All right, Milkman, just don't talk over people who are on the phone.

It's good to have you in the background.

Hang on, Milkman.

Take it easy.

Let us know about the old geezer later.

What's the old geezer doing?

and hang out as an old man?

Is he a homeless old man?

Or is this an old guy?

There's some old guy hanging off the porch here.

Looks like he's got about three packs of two

in the back of his head.

Oh, okay.

Fuck, I wish I had a camera.

That's cool.

Jonathan, you got a GPS on your bus or in your own car?

I'm working on getting one.

Yeah?

I bought one for about $110.

It's about two miles.

Hey, man.

I'm not saying I don't have one.

I'm asking if that's one of the talking ones.

Okay.

cool, that's awesome, yeah, mine talks, but it doesn't give you the street names, it'll talk,

it'll talk, I mean, they'll tell you, you know, turn left here, but it won't, it won't say, like,

turn left on Church Street, it's not that good, that costs, like, an extra hundred bucks, I was

like, nah, I don't need that much, just tell me when to turn, that's fine, don't tell me the name

of the street, I can read, I can see the street, and I can look on the screen, and see what street

I'm supposed to be on, um, but yeah, the GPS thing, it's almost like, I don't really, I thought

I really needed it, I really wanted it bad, um, but now that I got it, I don't, I, you know,

It's really Athena's, but it's in my car right now.

I haven't taken it back out to give back to her.

She's never asked for it.

We really don't have a need for it.

We haven't really used it.

Every once in a while, we might take a trip that we'll need it, but it's kind of rare.

I guess it's good for traveling.

Maybe we're going up north.

We're going to drive up north for the wedding in about a month and a half,

so hopefully maybe we can put it to use over there.

Yeah, that would be good.

Cool.

Another good thing is, I know part of your vehicle don't have it.

OnStar is really good to have, too.

Yeah, I don't have OnStar in my vehicle.

Is that free anyway?

Is it free to get OnStar?

You have to pay for that month, or annually, right?

I do not know.

Usually it comes in certain vehicles.

Yeah, the last car that I rented, it had it in there,

and I really wanted to hit the button,

but I was kind of afraid to.

It was there.

I was afraid that they'd charge me,

or they'd send cops after me,

because they'd think there was an emergency, you know?

Right.

Yeah.

All right, Jonathan, we'll say hi to all your fans and listeners.

We're about to do a prank call or two.

This is my family, everybody, and I hope y'all have a great weekend and happy Easter.

All right, no, you're not Milkman, you are Jonathan.

Thank you, Jonathan, for calling in, sir.

We'll talk to you next week.

Good night.

How close are you now?

What's the machine telling you?

Got 4.3 miles left.

Wow, you're really slow, man, because you started out like at 4.6 miles.

Anyway, we're doing the first prank call tonight here, everybody.

I hope you guys are excited.

I got a stoplight.

Welcome to L.A.

Well, anyway, for Kokanee here, I told him we'd do a Rage Against the Machine night tonight.

We'll have some Rage Against the Machine songs to play for the first segment of the show.

It's already 1036.

Milkman's going to die tonight.

He's driving around, doing the show.

Literally driving around.

Careful there, Milkman.

We'll be right back.

First prank call tonight, we're calling White Castle.

Hey, man, I left my wireless mouse in the car.

I sent Athena for a bit of back surgery.

She's all, my back, my back, my ass.

I cook dinner whenever I have to cook dinner.

come home no dinner uh guys no i came home again man and there's no dinner on the plate there was

no dinner in the oven nothing and the woman here she's like oh we're gonna have an all vegetable

dinner it's something bullshit like that bullshit sir okay the the white castle how close are you

guys to the crystal burger i'm from out of town i'm from the south we don't have white cast we

got crystals well how much what's the difference in the meat is it a meat quality difference are

your patties frozen do they have holes inside of them and do you do the same thing with the

little onions what is it frozen uh how are the patties frozen yeah but you don't uh you don't

defrost them before you put them on the grill right you put them straight on frozen are you

sure that's safe do you put the temperature thing in the in the patties all the time to make sure

it's safe because i i saw that you guys like jack-in-the-box you guys got all shut down here

in this country in this uh state rather i'm sorry i don't mean to say country in this state like

sometime a few years ago i saw in 2020 that they had to close the jack-in-the-box because they had

The meat was too cold

And what I found out

Was that they were

Putting the meat frozen

On the thing

On the skillet thing

And the internal temperature

Wasn't hot enough

And these people got

Like salmonella

Because chicken

But White Castle

And that other play

Jack in the Box

They're similar

Because you guys

Had the similar

Type of concept

You sound like a black man

I don't mean to intrude

But are you African American

What are you

Are you mixed mulatto

What are you like

But you got African in you

Right

What do you got in you

Latino

uh latino uh let me guess let me guess so you sound uh that's not dominican not cuban maybe

puerto rican what kind of what state are you in indianapolis right this is indianapolis you must

be puerto rican then puerto rican and white so who was the white girl was it a white girl or a

white man that you're related to a white man all right so your dad's white and your mom's puerto

rican she got probably got a nice ass on her right that's what happened how old your parents how old

are your parents you like in their 60s to 50s yeah do you think it's hot maybe like you know

know that they were interracial couple like that you think it's kind of hot right you think like

italian and a white person would you consider that interracial relationship no but oh well

like what do you put down when they ask you the question you put down your mixed race well you

can't you put down latino right that's cooler what do you want proud of being puerto rican or

being white no one can say they're proud of being white because people just start making assumptions

like oh it's one of those do you ever see i'm going to be honest with you sir i'm half puerto

Puerto Rican and Italian, did you, did you ever have the problem, you know, where, you know, some of the Puerto Ricans are really kind of mean to you, not mean, but, you know, they kind of don't regard people like you and me, you know, like, on the same level, you never got that, you see, that's the whole thing, with the Italian, I look, I look more white than I do Puerto Rican, but I, I bet you don't speak Spanish, though, don't you, you see, I speak, I speak perfect fluent Spanish, so, like, the whole, the funny thing was, like, I'd be in high school, and then there'd be all these Puerto Rican kids, right, and they were like, oh, you know, they'd look at me like I'm some kind of white kid,

they didn't want to include me in their Puerto Rican clique

at the same time I spoke better Spanish

than they did and I actually lived in Puerto Rico

for like a third of my youth

so I was more Puerto Rican than they all were

and they just made assumptions

and I weighed like 340 pounds

and it's one time I was in the mall with my dad

and my dad looks white, I mean he's Italian

and we were walking down

the fucking mall

and these two Puerto Rican ladies

came out of the store

and at this point I think I was

a big kid and this woman said in Spanish

oh my god look how fat that kid is and and she said in spanish not knowing that you know we both

my dad knows spanish and knowing that i know spanish and i turned around i cursed her out

in spanish and then my dad told her she was really sick and she got really embarrassed it's pretty

you know it's kind of mean how people are like that you know making assumptions and you can't

make assumptions anymore back in the day you can make assumptions about who knew spanish who didn't

you can't do that anymore everyone knows spanish these days man it's a big puerto rican problem

I don't know where I'm going with this.

Should we terminate the call?

Yes.

Oh, yeah?

I ate about three bananas.

That usually does the trick for me.

All right?

See you, buddy.

You sound black, man.

You need to talk more Puerto Rican.

Get out of here.

To place a call.

Fuck you.

Place a call.

Place his dick in your mouth.

That was weak sauce, but it was a nice warm-up.

We haven't done a prank call in two weeks.

Deal with it.

True stories, perhaps.

I don't know.

Well, I mean, it's true.

I'm Italian and Puerto Rican.

No, my dad's, like, only part Italian.

He's mostly Puerto Rican.

We are calling Napoleon's Retreat.

Yeah, your GPS lady sounds a bunch better than mine.

You know, I have the option of downloading, like, Mr. T, Jonathan Lithgow.

I was thinking about getting the Jonathan Lithgow one, actually, to be honest.

That'd be cool.

Jonathan Lithgow.

Mr. T might be cool, too.

But he's just angry.

I mean, I'm from the 80s, and I'm an 80s kid.

I used to like Mr. T, but he's just angry, man.

Sometimes I didn't want to hear that voice at 8 o'clock in the morning, driving around.

Mr. T, turn left here.

Fuck you, Mr. T.

You're a nice lady.

to place a call

to listen to your

Gilbert Garfrey would make a

great GPS voice. He should do that.

Oh my god, that's

not a blender.

Gilbert Garfrey didn't know

he was a shit out of me. Everybody, if you're out there,

if you're on Twitter, you can tweet me.

Twitter up. Twitter.com forward slash

Madhouse. Madhouse. No radio at the

end of that one. No live at the end of that one.

That's just Madhouse on Twitter.

Madhouse.

Follow me. I will follow you. We'll follow each other.

It's going to be like this, a nice grilled cheese sandwich in just the right amount of time.

I read it on the Internet.

Then your route guidance will start.

Oh, no.

Milkman, your route guidance is going to start.

You better check into that.

Make sure you've got your license.

I heard the best way to actually make a grilled cheese sandwich is you warm up the pan,

a nice thick skillet.

It's got to be cast iron.

You warm that up by itself, and you put that on top of the sandwich, apparently.

you don't actually put heat like raw heat onto the sandwich you put a heated piece of very thick

iron skillet you know like cast iron but suppose that's the best way to do it it's like how

connoisseurs do it and there's a big movement like you know uh you know for mayonnaise anti-mayonnaise

for tomatoes uh i guess i don't like tomatoes i don't like warm tomatoes and anything have

swiss cheese on it too if you really want to kick that's disgusting american cheese grilled

It's not Switzerland.

It's not Germany.

This is in Europe, and Swedes are cowards.

Cowardly Swedes.

Of course you would like that, wouldn't you?

Is this a waste of cheese or a hose, honey?

Milkman does all his shopping at Ikea.

He says, oh, I love the Swiss.

Yes, I love the Swedes. Cowardly Swedes.

Is that a Swedish store?

I don't even know what I'm talking about.

I think I'm confusing two different countries.

They're all the same.

They all look the same to me, those Europeans.

All you whites look the same.

Golden Ball.

Nice reader.

We're calling the LaSalle Hotel, everybody.

LaSalle Hotel.

Justin, hey, we got disconnected earlier.

I want to apologize.

I got this extra security setting on my phone now.

So they don't let me pick up the phone unless I really intend to.

Okay.

Unfortunately, you know.

Because sometimes, you know, I drunk dial.

Long story.

Yeah, yeah.

And I have a history with heroin also.

Hey, man, can you put me down for some spaces?

Spaces.

How many spaces do you have?

If you got any available spaces, I'll take it.

You mean like a reservation?

Spaces, yeah, spaces.

We've got suites, booking, and double queens.

Double queens.

What do you mean?

I might allow candles and incense inside the room.

Actually, that's not.

We don't allow candles and we don't allow opens.

But, I mean, do you guys check for it?

Well, I mean, there are fire alarms.

I mean, if this is a candle, we'll set the alarm off, you think?

It might. That would probably be a really bad thing.

Probably best not to risk it.

Do you have porches there, or can I sit out on the balcony?

No, we don't have porches or balconies. I'm sorry.

What about pool site? Could I light a candle?

We don't have a pool either. We're a downtown hotel.

Oh, my God. Really? There's no pool?

No pool. I'm sorry.

What kind of amenities do you have?

Amenities?

We've got Wireless Internet on the first floor, Internet on all fours.

I only drink Seattle's Best.

You know they're the same company?

I figured.

I know because I work for them.

You sound like Adam Sandler.

I'm lead barista.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Oh, is the lead barista the founder of Starbucks?

Well, no, I'm not a lead barista.

I mean, I'm a lead barista, not the founder of Starbucks.

I got a lot of experience on the head barista at a Starbucks.

That's all it is.

It's a good profession.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

What do you do?

You answer the phones?

Not usually.

Usually I do the night audit.

What does that do?

Like count monies?

Yeah, I count money, make sure everything's balanced.

You roll quarters?

I don't roll quarters.

Does anybody roll quarters there?

I don't know.

Probably the manager when she takes the money to the bank.

All right, I need a spaces.

Two spaces.

Two rooms.

Spaces.

Rooms, though.

Whatever you call them, sir, I need space.

I need a space for myself.

I need a separate room on the side I like silence.

My writing room.

Two rooms.

Do you want them to be connected?

Do you have a dock for Adele in Spiron 1528?

A dock?

No, I'm sorry.

Do you have any connections for a Dell Inspiron 1258?

We have.

Yeah, but is it compatible with a Dell Inspiron 1528 Wi-Fi card?

That's by Atheros, I think.

No, I don't think so.

Can you check your manual?

Manual, I'm sorry.

Can I speak to the IT person?

We don't have an IT person.

Well, who manages your internet when it goes down?

This is a great call. I really appreciate it.

No, seriously, who manages your internet when it goes down?

There's someone in charge there, right?

We have a maintenance. We have maintenance.

What's your throughput? Is it like 1.54 bonded T1, or what do you have exactly?

Honestly, I'm not sure. It's high speed is all I know.

Do you have a computer right there in front of you?

Yes.

Alright, I want you to go to a website. You ready?

No, I can't. We're locked into that.

Come on, man. Just, no, no, no, no. I need you to go to speakeasy.net.

Alright, go to speakeasy.net. Let me know what you got in front of you.

This is Valente.

I told you that you sound like Adam Sandler.

I don't know. Thank you, though. I appreciate it.

Okay, I'm at speakeasy.net.

Alright, now you see where it says for a speed test? It should be like at the bottom right.

Click that. Let me choose the service closest to you.

and let me know what your download is and then your upload

after it completes. Still going? That's not a good sign.

It's on upload.

Oh, what's the download?

Oh, but it's not.

I mean, it's not. You're not even getting a Meg down, man.

It's weak sauce. I don't think it's going to happen.

Alright, I'm going to have to pass. Thank you very much for being on the show.

Oh, what show is it?

MadHouseLive.com. Enjoy yourself.

You write that down right now. MadHouseLive.com.

Okay. Tell a friend. Thank you.

Alright, thank you.

that's nothing for a hotel i'm gonna stay in that hotel awesome i'm at least three megs down

where you at now milkman are you done with your little trip are you on your way back

yeah dude we picked it up man i but i don't think you heard me you must have muted it man we got a

nice sacky here no a hacky damn it oh good for you milkman i hope you enjoy you should save

that for the 20th that's when you really want to have legalize it don't criticize it legalize it

don't criticize it you guys waste your brains with that stuff shame on you all there you go man

i got a blunt for you here man i'm sad i'm sliding over to you here man on the table

smoke weed every day thank you queens 347 reporting that he or she would like to listen

to the show live but they cannot smoke it so they're going to record the show and say well

uh you don't have permission to record the show queens uh without the express ring consent of

of nba speaking of which i got to go to the i went to nba game last night as a matter of fact

orlando magic here in our town at the amway arena the pyramid scheme arena uh was uh live uh playing

the memphis grizzlies we won a show a game that we should have not had as much trouble winning as we

did but regardless we are in the playoffs third in the east fourth in the league i believe we're

really close i think we're only a half game behind boston right now for second in the east

But as I said before, I would rather the Magic go in the third

so that we can play the Miami Heat in the first round of the playoffs

as opposed to the Detroit Pistons because we always have trouble with the Pistons.

The Pistons who?

Joe Dumars.

If you want to reach me here tonight, again, the toll-free line is open.

It is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, 1-888-278-8509.

Call in, why don't you, and be an asshole.

Niner.

That's right, Niner.

Explain Niner to me, Milkman, because, you know, I know people say Niner,

but that doesn't really, it doesn't make it easier to say nine.

You know, it's not like, you know, is it a military thing, niner?

Where did that start?

I hear people say niner all the time, niner this.

No, it actually is an aeronautical term.

It's an aeronautical term because, like, if you're in a really noisy condition,

five and nine almost sound alike if you can barely make it out.

So you say niner.

All right, got you there.

Sounds good.

Good deal.

I'll take your word for it.

Sidekick Chuck has a Dell Longitude.

You know, Chuck, man, I'm really pissed off, bro.

of my Dell.

I think I mentioned this already.

I fell asleep with my Dell

in bed, but

I was tired.

Like you've never done that.

Every man has fallen asleep with their dick in their hand.

I think Nunu was trying to

download some gay porn or some shit.

Whatever it was.

The laptop fell right on top of the power

adapter. It cracked it on the system.

Don't judge!

They sent it back unfixed.

I called in and said,

I said, oh, yeah, we did this, we did that, et cetera, et cetera.

I'm still waiting on the box to send it back again.

So it's been three weeks now since it's been broken.

And hopefully it'll be fixed before the wedding.

Because for the most part, the reason I bought the laptop is to have something to take with me on the wedding.

You know, for the honeymoon and all that.

I don't think it's going to work out.

Hopefully they get it fixed.

And, you know, if it comes back again like that, I'm going to say, hey, just please.

I know it's my fault, but bullshit.

All right?

They can fix it.

They're Dell.

They're a huge company.

I just say, dude, I just want it replaced.

I think at this point they should, right?

Isn't that how they work to these companies when it's under warranty repair?

If by the third time they haven't fixed it, don't they usually just replace it for you?

Oh, yeah.

Once you repair it, that'll fix your car.

Yeah.

Damn.

Look at that girl.

All right, Milkman.

Holy shit.

Honk your horn at her if you like her so much, Milkman.

You're doing it.

Hey, girl.

How do I get up?

Hey, that's how y'all do this.

You got to see the cannons on that one by gollies.

Milkman, you should connect your laptop speakers to your car sound system

and just blast us in L.A.

I hope he is.

Yeah, but then I'll feed back, man.

Oh, yeah, we don't want that.

No feedback.

No, none of that.

Well, I mean, we could take turns, you know.

You don't have to keep talking all the time.

Why am I echoing?

You're supposed to echo, Tuck,

because there's a problem with the computer machine.

That's why.

Oh.

Echoing is good.

If you're not echoing, there's a problem,

and you're not being heard on the air.

Sorry, I'll get it.

Sounds good, though, right?

To you, when you say that stuff, it sounds good.

Show your titties at Echo.

It's cool.

It feels like FM radio.

It's kind of cool.

All right, another prank call.

Recludes in the house.

Big reclude.

We're back.

98.6.

I'm out.

Numbers from Lonesome Loser.

Chicken Charlie six-pack shop.

Speaking of which, I've got a six-pack up here over here.

Let me grab one.

Yeah, man, but at the Orlando Arena last night, the Amway Arena, as it's called,

which I can't stand the fact that, you know,

Orlando is such a shithouse town

that our arena is named after a pyramid scheme company, Amway.

It's the owner of the team.

The owner of the team is actually Rich DeVos.

Oh, wait a minute, Milkman.

Yeah, you're into that Quickstar Amway stuff, aren't you?

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to offend you in your livelihood, your second job.

Oh, yeah, man.

Bullshit.

Anybody, you know, people.

people don't offend the Scientologists you know that you cannot become upwardly mobile if you're

in if you're in corporate America the CEO runs things I want to give a cheers to the biz you can

become upwardly mobile the biz a cheers to you I'm having a natural light and I'm clinking on

your beer right there sir I think if you're offering a beer to us anybody else is drinking

there you go oh a Guinness awesome there you go kinky kinky all right we're drinking better than

than I am tonight, my good sir.

Well, everybody,

let's do another prank call. As I'm saying, we're going to call

Chicken Charlie's Six Pack Shop now that I have a beer.

We're in the right mood. We'll be right back after this

with the next prank call of the night.

There's Northrop Grumman right on the left.

The new home of the F-35.

The fighter.

I love beer. Beer, beer, beer.

My belly.

We'll guess 239751 requesting a reclude prank call.

A reclude Richie Randall prank call.

Good idea. Reclude, you're on the spot.

but I got to call that Wawa and do the Eddie Garcia call.

I haven't done Eddie Garcia in a long time.

I hope I didn't forget his voice, guys.

Maybe it was like a Brett Favre kind of thing.

You never forget.

You still got it.

To place a call, press 1.

All right, we'll call that.

To listen, please enter your...

I'm calling the Wawa.

...number, starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Hey, Mahalo, how are you?

What's going on?

Mahalo, Mahalo.

Hey, I got a problem.

I came in there earlier tonight with my mother.

I can only bring her out so many times a week when I don't have work at night.

Mm-hmm.

She got her leg, like, her foot got run over by a cart, by a shopping cart.

Yeah.

And nobody, everybody, nobody wanted to take a report.

We asked the lady, please take a report.

She refused to take a report.

She offered to give us ice, and that was it.

She said, we said, you know, we have a right to get insurance papers for a report.

Yeah.

And she refused, she flat refused, this person did.

What time was this, sir?

This was earlier this afternoon.

Was it at work?

Would you like to talk to the manager?

Who's the head manager?

What's the name?

We don't...

Head manager isn't...

Actually, we don't have a head manager right now.

I can give you the shift manager, though.

She'll be more used to you than I would.

Yeah, I think it might be best,

because I'm thinking about, you know,

nasty words and stuff.

I don't know.

No problem, man.

All right, brother.

What's your team?

How may I help you?

I need your insurance papers, please.

If you could fax them to me immediately.

I can't do that.

You'd have to speak to the GM about that.

Someone ran over...

What happened?

Someone...

Was it an incident report?

They refused the incident report.

I tried to make an incident report.

It was an incident where my mother's foot got run over by a grocery cart.

Mind you, it was an empty grocery cart, but nonetheless, she has arthritis.

She gets cortisone shots in her ankles, and it's swollen up the size of a grapefruit.

And these people...

A grocery cart? We don't have grocery carts here, hon.

Whatever it is that they ran over with, it has a lot of product in it, it was plenty of weight, and it was a grocery cart.

It was a cart that you used to put things in.

Did it happen at our store?

Absolutely.

Someone ran over her feet, her poor tender feet, that have cortisone inside of them.

It's swollen to the size of a grapefruit.

I'm refusing to take her to the hospital until we get this settled.

We need to file an incident report first.

Because I saw on TV that when the people, they go and they don't file an incident report first,

that they're liable, you know, you're forfeiting our rights.

And we can't have that.

What kind of way of business is this?

I don't have that kind of information.

The manager in the morning does.

Because I just found the store overnight.

I don't know anything about it.

And it didn't happen on my shift.

Did it happen today?

It happened today.

Maybe I should just sue you, perhaps.

You can't do that, hon, because I wasn't even here.

Well, you're answering the phone.

Yeah, I'm answering the phone.

I'm trying to help you the best I can.

Well, how do you plead guilty or not guilty?

I don't have the time for this.

Well, do you plead guilty or not guilty?

I'm going to call her right back, milkman, because we don't accept that here.

you're the you know she needs to be a man and plead guilty or not guilty to kyle valente

richie randall should call in and talk about that too richie if you're listening don't mess with it

i forgot the eddie voice sorry lonesome i'll make it up you know i think it'd be cool to

burn some stuff tonight in the air let's see what i got to burn here we should have fireworks

the wall is refusing to pick up milkman that is not going to work milkman don't forget to

take your next right sir that's what i said all right next prank call is coming out let's see

what that's going to be we tried napoleon's retreat didn't answer denny's restaurant is

here also we can call that denny's is always fun all right uh let's try the mad mike's trading

post and someone's mentioning call the angry indian the next time who is that who is it again

you know we didn't do a show for two weeks and i totally forgot who's the new sam the donut man

you know i'm talking about the new angry guy uh what's that place called son of a god oh man

Man, something...

You need to call that one guy where the gay guy called in the back, man,

that little Indian restaurant.

That was a recluse call.

A recluse got to do that call.

It's not Son of a God.

No, it has a name.

It's like Funky Pizza, Active Pizza.

What is it?

Active Pizza.

I just noticed my sign.

I put it back up.

The Hemorrhoid Relief Center sign is back in the Madhouse studio.

I love that.

Hemorrhoid Relief Center, everybody, right here.

That's a sign I used to put up in my...

Back in my bachelor days, when I had my one-bedroom apartment before my life was ruined by a woman,

I used to have this sign right here, the Hemingway Relief Center sign.

I used to put that on the—it was over my bathroom in my one-bedroom apartment.

Back when I had a bachelor pad milk, and I was pimping, man.

I had my own house.

I could have women over whenever I wanted.

If I wanted to rock around in my boxers and nothing else, eating pizza, as much pizza as I wanted,

I could stop on the way home and get fried chicken.

I come home, I eat all the fried chicken I wanted, drink all the beer I wanted, and now everything is a judgment, being judged, everything I do.

You can't eat that fried chicken because you're going to get fat.

You can't have that beer because it has, you know, you're diabetic.

Everything, I don't know why.

Why do we do this, men?

Why do we decide to settle down with women who obviously are just going to, you know, have...

And marriage was so your idea, right?

Right.

I should have listened to What's-His-Face.

he told me not to do it

I did it, too late now

one month, three weeks left I think it is

Jesus Christ, May 30th

and I'm married, oh that reminds me

I don't know, are we

are the Synecdoche people down? I never heard

a response from Dino, I sent him all the information

May the 23rd, Saturday

I'm going to be in Atlantic City and I was hoping

we could all meet up, maybe do a live show together

for a little bit and then go out and do some

gambling, etc, etc

Milkman's going to be there

uh andy former co-host of our show is going to be there uh tuck can't make it unfortunately but

lonesome loser might be there also so i don't know if you guys are down for it let me know

dean will get back i don't even think dino's around tonight what's up with dino i haven't

seen him around lately hey dude i think i may be up working in pittsburgh real soon

oh you're gonna be really close then all right good good deal so is it i mean atlantic city i

was thinking we could just get a nice get a nice hotel room and chill out you know do a show for

for like an hour

and then go on

just you know

do some gambling

I want to play

blackjack

dude I've been

doing this whole

thing about blackjack

I figured out

that's not far

from Maven man

make sure

hey Maven

make sure you

come down

and party with us

yes Maven

that's right

is Maven in

Pennsylvania

or Connecticut

I think Maven's

in Connecticut

she's not far

from us

no she isn't

she's not

we'll see

hi

right

roundtable

Carlito today

there's a roundtable

I missed a roundtable

what happened

roundtable

The Stern Fan Roundtable?

Is that what you're talking about?

Or something else?

What did I miss?

What happened?

Let me know.

Let me know, bizzers.

Dino was there.

Oh, really?

Dino was at the Stern Fan?

Oh, that's awesome.

I'll have to catch that tomorrow on my lunch break.

That's when they replay it, my lunch break.

I was listening to Stern Fan Roundtable because luckily it comes on, that repeat, on Friday

right on my lunch break.

So I always catch it.

Because if not, usually the time that it comes on, I'm usually setting up for the

show or I'm in class or something like that right on.

I'm a big fan of Stern Fan Network, man.

Always on it.

went on it today just to see what the whole thing

I want to get Gary's

I didn't find anybody out there can tell me what's

Baba Booey's Twitter account

what is it and did Howard get one or was he just

talking about it I don't know I caught part of

that conversation I want to make sure I'm following

them I want to make sure they're following me

we got good stuff going on here Dirty Wig making a good point

did they plug Syndicate or any of our sites here

any of these sites I sure hope

that he did that'd be a good opportunity to do

so it's a good opportunity as any

Maven is 5 foot 5 dark

dark brown, long hair, brown eyes, caramel skin, African-American chick with her mind in the gutter.

Maven's black?

That's cool.

Awesome.

Brown shoulder.

John McHugh confirms they plug Syndicate.

Good, good, good, good.

Very nice.

Hey, Stern Fanners.

Nice to see you.

This is not Carlito TX.

I'm just Carlito.

No one cares for this show anyway.

How many listeners we got?

35 on Syndicate and 10 billion on Madhouse Radio Network.

All right, awesome.

Funky Zone.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

your gold star for Lonesome Loser. Double gold

star. That is the place of

the angry Indian that we've been calling lately.

I totally forgot. One

moment. Next prank of the night is coming right

up.

Hi brother. How you doing?

Good. Is it alright if I come in and drink

a beer in my, like if I come with

an open container? What open container?

Open container of drink.

Why? I wanted to come in and get food

but I wanted to be, you know, I wanted to bring a drink with me.

I know.

I'm sorry?

We are a smoke shop here. We are a retailer. We are not a bar.

Okay. But Kenneth, you have a hookah bar there, right?

No, we don't.

What do you smoke there? Do you have cigars?

Yeah, we sell cigars.

Do you have Monte Cristos?

Yeah, we do have Monte Cristos.

Do you have Tornado?

Can you hold this one second? I have another.

Tornado?

Can you hold this one second?

Hello!

He's not connecting us to the police. He threatened us last time he was going to do that.

Sir, hello? Sir?

What is it?

Stomping down your door.

Once again.

Turn off that computer, sir.

Shut it down.

Shut it down now.

Any second now, he'll pick back up.

Or we'll force him to pick back up.

I call him back.

Got him there.

I can't sit there and wait on the phone all night.

You gotta come, you gotta get help me out.

Because it costs, it costs me money for my phone cards.

I call, I use phone cards when I call because it's long distance.

What'd you, yeah, can I help you, sir?

I had a question if I could come in with an open container and smoke a cigar.

No, we can't. We don't smoke inside the store. This is a retail shop. It's not a hookah bar or a cigar bar.

Can I come in and talk?

Yeah, of course.

I want to talk, but I drink. I drink when I come in. I bring a drink with me. I drink it with you.

No, man, I don't drink. I don't drink.

Why not?

I'm working here.

I know.

If you want a drink, go to the bar.

No, I need cigars, sir.

I need a cigar first, then I'm going to go to the bar.

But I just wanted to have a conversation, a friendly conversation.

I come and I have a drink, I'll leave you alone.

Yeah, come in and you will come.

I just need 30 minutes of your time.

Okay, you will come.

Okay, I'll come, but I'm going to be drinking when I come in.

I don't want any shit when I come in.

I'm going to have beer.

You will come.

I will come.

Yeah, you will.

Please come and you are welcome.

Okay, and what's the problem?

But I'm bringing a drink with me.

You want a drink or not?

You want me to get you a beer?

No, I drink apple juice or orange juice.

You drink sperm, I heard.

I'm sorry?

I said I heard you drink sperm.

No, I do guys like you.

Yeah, well, you like to drink the sperm when you're done.

No, no.

That's because you took your sister and you fucked her in the ass

and when you were done you took the sperm out of her ass and you drank it.

I only do guys like you.

Well, you do your sister too at the same time and that's disgusting.

I don't have any sisters.

You know that?

I have 12 brothers.

You have five?

All of them, they fuck you.

How many fathers do you have?

If you are a man, I have 12.

And if you are a man, just come by here.

If you're a man.

Why do you say it like a woman like that?

If you are a man, come by here.

Because you like...

Your phone is tracking now, and we can call the FBI to kick your ass.

And police officers in Roswell, they can kick your ass.

But they'll send you back to your...

If you are a man, just come by here.

They'll send you back to your country first, buddy.

Okay.

Guys, I don't care because I'm American, all right?

Look at his face.

American.

Thank you.

We're going to give him a call back.

I love the way he said that, too.

He's like, if you are man.

It's like, all right.

He's really taking it hard.

He's like, if you are man.

Like, wow.

I never heard him say it like that before.

They usually don't get that upset.

I'd relate to that.

But, Tuck, if you are man.

Psychic Chuck, are you going on tonight?

Let me know what time.

And be cool about it, right?

Because the last few times you've been kind of a jerk-ass about it.

You know, you let me know ahead of time, 1 o'clock, 12 o'clock, whatever it is.

You know, if you are a man, if you are a man, you tell me, you know, like a man, what time.

And we make an agreement.

Thank you.

We're calling Chicken Charlie's, everybody.

I forgot already if we already called.

After this, I'm going to go get a sandwich.

Stand by.

Chicken Charlie's, six-pack and pizza.

Hey,

what John Rooker said, did anybody get a handy last night?

I got a handy last night.

I'm not ashamed to say.

Let's just get a handy sometimes.

Woke her up one o'clock in the morning.

Hey, I need to hand you.

And I got it.

Yeah.

Pussy shit show again tonight.

Okay, we're going to call Mr. Barbecue.

This is a special call.

Jack Masterson in Lakewood, California.

Answer there from Jack Masterson.

Well, that was a worthless piece of the time for us.

Do you want to listen to it?

I think I'm going to take a break.

How about Eddie Garcia?

Eddie Garcia.

I'm going to call Eddie Garcia.

Is he the real Eddie Garcia?

I think he's got my number.

Yeah, I will play an Eddie Garcia prank call right now.

But, of course, Tuck, for some reason, says we can't play old prank calls.

I guess we can

I would if we could

I didn't say that

or did I

whatever

we're going to take a break everybody

we were talking about

I'm drinking

I'll be honest with you

tonight we're going to take

about an 8-9 minute break

okay

sorry

this is the way it is folks

I got to poo

there you go

get your bucket ready

while we're gone

be sure to visit our website

madhouselive.com

again our website is

madhouselive.com

You can also reach me on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger Madhouse Radio

if you're using AOL or Madhouse.

AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

Hold on.

Madhouse Radio is my screen name.

When we come back, we've got a lot of new numbers here

coming in from Lonesome Loser we'll be getting to,

including Timmy's Pizza and Barbecue, Taco Bell, Mr. Barbecue.

We still have the St. Anne Marie Antoinette Hotel,

and we've got the Bastille Restaurant all here on deck still needing to be prank called.

Also, your requests.

asks toll free line will be open one triple eight two seven eight eight five zero nine be sure to

subscribe to our podcast check out our forums all that as i said is over at madhouse live.com

and uh also on twitter madhouse on twitter twitter.com forward slash madhouse be sure to

follow us we in turn will follow you right thank you dear my husband um it is now what time is it

now anyway 11 30 yeah we're taking an earlier break than normal i really want to start this

this show on time but what can you do uh we'll be right back at the center in about nine minutes i

apologize for the extended break but these things happen you guys got a deal pray that the show

improves we'll get some better prank calls here when we come back i'm sure things always have a

habit of turning around here if not then we'll just have fun better than nothing better than

silence 11 30 p.m thursday april the 9th we'll be right back right back madhouse radio thank you

be sure to visit us online at madhouse live.com

madhouse radio will be back right after this

is this the restaurant with the burgers sorry is this the restaurant that has the burgers

you have burgers hang on i don't have a big enough feed to move off hang on

are you now you guys do take out orders and seating at all like if i call ahead will you

You see me?

I'm going to call, and I want to tell you what kind of burgers I want.

And, like, you do the curbside thing, or signs that come in.

Do I have to come in?

Oh, yeah, like takeout stuff.

I was just working out is what I'm saying, you know?

I'm sorry for breathing so hard.

I've been working out, you know?

I'm Jack Masterson.

You want to take my order?

Who am I talking to now?

Speak up about ******, you hear me?

I'm trying to get a takeout seating, but if you can't hear me, there's no sense in doing this,

because your phone sucks.

Okay, hold on one second.

You sound like you're a person of authority.

I'm trying to make an order for takeaway.

Your burgers, what is your biggest burger?

I like two of those half pound burgers

with cheese, bacon, mayo, and mustard.

I'm sorry for breathing so hard.

I was just working out.

You know, I was working out.

I weighed 382 pounds.

I've lost weight.

And I just, I started getting this pain in my chest

in the middle of my treadmill workout.

And I had enough of this.

So, enough of this dieting thing, it's just, it feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest right now.

I'm done with this dieting stuff.

I'm just so stressed out with working out, I can feel, it's like my whole arm is going numb, yeah?

You know how yellow, American?

I've had this feeling before from working out.

Like, there's an elephant, right? His ass is right on my sternum.

Ugh, I think I just need to eat.

Oh, God, it's like, it's going all the way down my left arm.

Oh, God.

I've been stressing myself out.

what else do you have for your fry over there oh god what else do you fry you fry you're frying

you know you like make fries you have a fry machine my last order you sound like is that

be correct yeah what's your name well i never had the hardest time with your staff ever trying to

make a to-go order and they put me through the three people and the lady on the line is suggesting

i call somewhere else and my money not good here or something tell you my order for two burgers

and fries. You know, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm breathing heavy, I was working out, and

I started getting this feeling on my chest, like, I, I, it's like thousand knives of fire,

like, I don't know, it's like a lot, like something's a big weight on my chest, like

an elephant sitting on it or something. And, uh, I don't know, I just had a window, I just,

I figured I'd make an order for food, and she said she was gonna put me on hold. Did

you get the order, at least? I sat down now, and I still feel the pressure a little bit.

Well, it's getting a little better, I'm not, I mean, I'm losing the feeling, like,

Like, my left arm is a little numb right now, but I think after I eat, I'll feel a little better.

I wanted two of those one-half-pound rubbers with the patties.

I want them stacked, like, two in each one, you know, so like a whole pound.

There it is again.

Before I eat, I'll feel a lot better.

It's just a huge pressure on my chest.

It just started.

I've lost, like, 40 pounds in the last month.

I heard of you.

I'm Jack Masterson.

I was in the Sentinel the other week.

I had actual talk about me losing weight.

I've been working out, working out as much as I can.

18 hours a day almost, just up.

I get up, I eat oatmeal.

And I started getting this pain in my chest.

I say, forget this shit, you know.

I'm just going to give myself a burger and, you know, let it be, whatever happens.

It's just I've never had a pain like this before.

It's like my jaw is almost like, you ever get this feeling before?

It feels like I'm heartbroken.

I've never been brokenhearted before.

Maybe that's what it is, you know.

Oh, God.

I don't think I can drive down there.

I don't think it's safe for me to be walking around, though, you know?

Yeah, I want you to...

I'll get to that.

Do you like...

I'm going to drive myself to the hospital, I think.

I...

Oh, God.

You think I...

I'm going to stop lying, you know?

You don't do the curbside takeaway real quick?

Talk about it while I'm doing it sometimes.

Could you hear the echo?

I put some mattress up in the bathroom.

You don't carry any food?

Huh?

No, I just call them to give me a waste of time

and make you put your resources somewhere else

other than manning your staff.

That's what I do.

That's my job, dude.

That's what I do.

That's my M.O.

You don't like it?

You got a problem?

Yeah.

What do you want to do about it?

You got any bread?

You want some bread?

How much bread do you want?

I'll give you some bread.

Hey, Dieter.

What's your name, boy?

Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Call in toll free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Okay, fuck it.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

I knew this chick by the name of Everway.

Who introduced me to the streets and put me on it again.

We're back, everybody.

Look at my wardrobe change.

There's like a real celebrity.

Madhouse Radio back.

Carlito back here.

Milkman back there.

Tuck over there.

And you're right there where you are.

Hey, man.

Thanks for tuning in.

Thanks for telling your friends.

11.41 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

It's almost Good Friday here in the East Coast.

I'm going to make it 7.41 p.m. on the West Coast.

Be sure to catch tomorrow's Zolar Vision.

The Zolar Party Nation tomorrow night, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

SyndicateRadio.tv and Zolarkast.com, I think.

Something like that.

Also, Sidekick Chuck will be taking over things here at Syndicate Radio at some point tonight

once we are given the orders to leave.

We've got more prank calls to do here.

MSC3 Clay coming in with some breaking news here.

Quite interesting stuff.

Breaking news from Kokanee favorite Madhouse celebrity, Billy Mays,

the guy who sells the Orange Glow, et cetera, stuff like that, OxyClean.

He's doing a Discovery Channel reality show.

Something about how hard it is to sell or promote.

So apparently he's doing a reality show on being an infomercial guy.

Which leads me to a story, an article here that our news director Kokanee sent in as well.

Guys, I don't know if you heard about this, but you know that guy who sells that...

Who's the...

You know, he looks like a kid.

The guy with the spiky hair that sells that ShamWow thing.

You know, it's like a...

ShamWow?

yeah i don't watch much of those infomercials yeah yeah so apparently homeboy first of all how

old would you say he is without i don't know if you read the article but milkman how would you

say he's in his 30s maybe his 20s he looks like a very young person right young guy i'd say he's

probably about 35 man and i know that he sued just about everybody in hollywood too that's how

he's made his money he's that's how he made his money by suing people i understand what's he

he's doing for what's the deal what what is he doing about it what why because like how he does

that stupid commercial he's like he's like tries to capitalize on the fame of it like um he has

the infomercials and his technique that everybody's stolen it off of him are you kidding get out of

here like some of them past prank callers that we're familiar with you know i hated prank calls

not good anywho uh so apparently the shamwow guy his name and actually milkman you'd be wrong he's

He's in his 40s.

He's actually, I believe, in his mid to late 40s, which I was quite surprised.

He's 44 years old, if you can believe that.

Okay.

Well, that's kind of, I mean, he's aged quite well.

If he's 44 years old, he looks like he's in his 30s, early to mid 30s, I would say.

I wouldn't put it above that he's that much older than me, but he's a good...

Nah, he looks like he's already had a stroke, dude.

You ever take a good look at him, man?

His face is, like, screwed up, man.

Well, what do you know?

Anyway, so Vince Shlomi, apparently he was on South Beach in Miami over the weekend

uh went to a bar met a prostitute met a hooker offered her a thousand dollars for sex and took

her back to the hotel room there on collins the nice strip on uh on south beach over there in

miami south of here and uh went to kiss the prostitute as soon as they hit the room entered

his room his suite expensive suite 400 something dollars a night and uh she greeted his kiss back

by biting his tongue and refusing to let go if you can imagine a shock if you went to kiss a girl

stick your tongue in her mouth and all of a sudden she bites your tongue and will not let go

uh you're thinking you're about to die or lose your tongue to you know a psycho woman the a black

widow murderer woman something like that uh he started punching her in the face and slapped her

in the face to get her to you know release and then i ran off naked to the main lobby and i had

them call police he got arrested over it that's kind of a freaky story though right can you imagine

Imagine someone getting a prostitute.

I mean, I would never do that.

That's crazy.

But, dude, that's scariness.

What kind of sick person does that to somebody?

Bites on your tongue and refuses to let go.

She suffered fractures.

He had to beat her so hard.

Whether or not it's true what he said or not, I don't know.

They said he had lacerations on his tongue.

Would make sense.

Apparently, neither of them are being charged because they've been through enough.

It's pretty crazy, man.

We'll have more news stories, perhaps, later on.

I'll get to them when I can, if you guys care.

In the meantime, prank calls.

Let's check those numbers again.

Hey, man, read the one article about Hendricks, man.

Oh, what was this?

Yeah.

Jimi Hendrix's childhood home was demolished, apparently in eight...

Yeah, that's right.

Provided to you by the new services that are dedicated reporting of kokanee.

Take her away, Armani.

An eight-year effort to save Jimi Hendrix's childhood home from demolition has ended in Renton, Washington.

This is close to where Baz, a good listener of ours, is located.

Apparently, so there was a fight over this for quite some time now.

Jimi Hendrix's childhood home, I guess where he grew up, was demolished.

Whether they tear it down, they should have made it to a museum or something like that.

That's kind of crazy.

Usually with that stuff, they always, you know, keep the house.

That's what they tried to do.

Read the story, man.

They tried to move around town and read this shit, man.

An eight-year-long fight to save the house.

Okay, we already said that.

Let's see.

Jimi's brother, Leon Hendrix, 61, told Seattle Times

times that the 900 square foot house where the legendary guitarist lived from 10 to 13 that's

not that long he was he lived there from the age 10 to 13 that's bullshit that's at his childhood

home he lived there for like what two and a half three years played guitar at that's where he first

wanted to learn guitar at let's read the rest of the story whatever you can't read his life story

it's important but i'm not going to read the whole story now it's also where hendrix first picked up

a ukulele that had one string and figured out how to strum the thing some from the television

television detective show peter gunn so that's where he first got his musical chops okay

so go um were enough for a real estate developer it would have been demolished long ago i guess

there was a fight to keep it open i guess they're gonna they're developing into condominiums the

land apparently so um jimmy hendrix's home where he first picked up a guitar is now demolished

that's pretty that's pretty screwed up i mean really they could have done something about it

pieces of the house are saved such as kitchen cabinets in the clawfoot tub and maybe some

some bits will be turned into other stuff.

Well, interesting.

And someone said,

can you imagine a guitar made out of wood

from Jimi Hendrix's house?

I would love that.

Yeah.

Nice idea.

Good deal.

That would be awesome, dude.

Yeah, this guitar here is made out of Jimi Hendrix's house.

They said that Muddy Waters,

somebody made guitars out of Muddy Waters' old jack

down in the, down there in Mississippi, man.

So, like, it's legend, you know.

Right, right.

Okay.

Cool.

Well, everybody, let's continue on.

We've got to do more prank calls here.

We'll get to some of our news articles later.

But good thanks for bringing that one up.

Mongoloid, Mongolian Barbecue also came in here from Lonesome Loser on the break,

as did Bettina Graff, who works for National Geographic, and Smoking Moe's.

Let's call Mongolian Barbecue, everybody.

We'll be right back.

Hey, I have an accusation for you.

Huh?

I have an accusation for you.

What do you mean?

You have dirty floors.

Dirty floor where?

In your house.

What do you mean?

You have your...

The restaurant.

The floor, but in your house, the floors are dirty,

so the restaurant's probably nasty.

Caca on the floor.

Right?

Okay.

That's the bullshit alarm.

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to your recording.

How will you be a customer, you cunt?

Is this Ms. Graff?

Yes, I don't have time right now.

It's very important...

Excuse me.

Please, ma'am?

What's it about?

It's about something that happened to me in my youth.

Could you please be a good Samaritan?

Would you turn your head to Jesus if he came and asked him for help?

I'm sorry, I'm right in the middle of...

How many people?

You can excuse yourself for a moment.

This is important.

I hear the bullshit alarm going off.

This is worse than the show from two weeks ago.

Pfft.

Duh.

I blame my...

I blame my chuckle foot.

Chuckle foot making a point.

Everyone, be sure to join the Syndicate forums over at syndicateradio.tv.

Forums.

Syndicate Radio.

Should be a lot of action.

It's awesome.

It's amazing.

Go get it.

It's fucking gay.

It's so awesome it's a gig.

It's so awesome I'd suck its dick.

Also, damshow.com.

Yoko the Clown's website.

Be sure to pick up his DVD.

He also has clown noses for sale.

Autographed clown noses.

Very nice.

Pants.

He has t-shirts for sale.

Gloves.

White gloves.

Coasters.

Yoko the Clown coasters.

Got a pair right here.

You want to see them?

Right here.

See that?

That's awesome.

Makes noise, too.

Rastid is a coaster.

Yeah, I've got the coasters, man.

I got the coasters.

You didn't get your coasters?

I got you.

Everyone in Syndicate got their Yoko the Clown coasters.

Right here, man.

Look.

It's freaking awesome.

Look at that.

Yoko's right there.

Look at Yoko on the coaster.

Here, I'm going to put my beer on it.

All right.

Next prank call.

The next attempted prank call coming up.

Smokin' Moe's.

Huntington Beach, California.

Milkman, head over there.

Give me some Smokin' Moe's.

Smokin' Moe's.

Assholes who just hit the buttons.

Fucking country.

We're gonna call Bettina Graff back.

That woman has got some stupid dinner party.

I hate her so much.

Punch her right in the tits if she was here.

Now, what's the deal with the, uh, what's the deal with her, what's the...

Mm-mm.

She just works for the National Geographic.

She's got house parties, dinner parties.

She lives in a gilded age.

She obviously lives in a gilded age

So we're having house parties

We can't talk to the phone right now

We got some hors d'oeuvres coming

We're calling that food market again

Stand by

After that we're going to call the Angry Indian

When in doubt call Angry Indians

May I speak with Felicia please

Felicia?

Yes

She's not working tonight

Who was the lady I was talking to earlier

Who said a bad word and hung up the phone on me?

The problem?

My, uh, mother came in with me, and her feet got hurt, and you people refused service and refused to give us the information to make an incident report.

And I talked to this woman earlier tonight, and she refused service again, and she hung up the phone on me.

She called me a bad word.

Can you hold on, please?

I suppose.

Hey, Tuck, are you in Syndicate Radio, man?

You should check out Syndicate Radio.

John Rook is showing off the cleavage.

What, are there titties?

Yeah, man.

Basketballs.

Nice basketball-shaped ones.

Go Magic.

Uh-oh, nip slip coming up.

Milkman, honk your horn real quick over there.

Honk your car horn. Come on, hurry, hurry, hurry.

You can't see it, bud.

Thank you. Perfect timing.

What's got a milkman to honk the horn?

There you go, John Rooker. That one's for you.

Now turn on your headlights.

Turn on your headlights, milkman. Let's hear that.

Okay, sir, I was just informed that, uh, you have been calling here, harassing them?

No, no, no. Listen, I called twice.

I called once and the woman hung up the phone on me

I was trying to get information for this incident report they're requiring from Blue Cross Blue Shield.

Blue Cross Blue Shield.

What you have to do is...

What you need to do, good sir, is you need to give me the information for these papers.

I don't need to do anything.

Where's the information?

I'm telling you what you need to do, 1-800 number.

You have to call the 1-800 number.

How about you give me your...

They will do an investigation.

Listen, boy, I'm talking.

I need your Social Security number, please.

All right, I'm not a boy, okay?

I'm sorry.

You're a man.

Now they confirmed that you have been harassing them

because I've been trying to cooperate and give you the necessary information.

You put me on hold for five minutes and refused to give me service, sir.

That's what you did.

You did shit.

No, no, I put you on hold to investigate.

So right now what I'm going to do is hang up the phone.

You're doing shit is what you're doing.

Exactly.

Fucking store.

That's my new enemy right now.

The Wawa somewhere in the United States.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

How come they don't have grocery carts at that Wawa?

What's that about?

You got to have Wawa.

why. A grocery store? Maybe not. I don't know.

What do I know? I thought they were like a grocery store.

Are they gas stations now? The fuck do I

know? We'll give that place a call later.

First, Lee, we'll call back

the Indian person as I promised. As promised.

Someone called psychic Chuck Charlie

Chan. That's not nice, though.

Who said that? Shame on you.

Chuck O'Feet.

Oh, yeah. Look, man, you can laugh at that. You're half

Japanese.

Hey, man. I don't look like Charlie Chan, though, man.

Yeah, well, who's Charlie Chan?

I look more like Bruce Lee.

I was watching something about Bruce Lee

what was it

oh yeah that's what I saw

I saw the dragon

I used to be Kato man in the Green Hornet

on Sunday night

I was watching Dragon the Bruce Lee story

the one that Brandon Lee recorded

before he got shot on the crow

oh yeah

it's a pretty good movie

I seen it when I was younger when it first came out

yeah man

the guy had an interesting life

Yeah, man. I was famous.

Alright, no answer at Funky Zone.

They're on to us, apparently.

What kind of bullshit is this?

How is Funky Zone... I've called them before

and they had chicken, then once they had pizza.

Now they have cigars.

I think they have some Flim Flam over there

at that place. You know what I'm saying? Laundry.

Dude, they're trying to do anything they can to get business.

You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess.

We're calling Gyros Gyros.

...commending us to do UK calls. We'll command you to get me

UK card you think this is maybe you should get a syndicate show you what it is if you don't make

jonna look like nipples man speaking of which once had a girlfriend she had huge dollar uh

like silver dollar size nipples like they're like oh that's areola buddy it's too much that's weird

the one's about the size of a saucer plate though like i don't know if you guys ever saw that movie

white man can't jump when uh what was her name rosie perez when she was topless she had those

Those nipples are like, jeez, big nips.

Yeah, she's awesome.

I always liked her, man.

She was a cute Puerto Rican girl.

Carlito says, call someone in Country Club 218, which is Libya,

so Dee Dee knows what he's getting into.

What's he going to Libya for?

What?

He's going to Libya, or he's getting married to Libya?

You can call Libya, man.

You can expand your whole car.

Are you crazy?

I'll call Gaddafi.

My name, motherfucker.

Yeah, I saw an article here.

Gaddafi, earlier this week.

Gaddafi, you know, he's a fucking asshole.

But from what I understand, in the Clinton administration, Gaddafi made a lot of leaps and bounds,

and the country of Libya became a lot more normalized with the United States,

even more so during the George Bush administration.

They made this whole big thing in the last five or six years, how Libya has turned around,

and they're off the terrorism watch list, the United States has, and that's not an enemy as it used to be.

And then Gaddafi comes out, I think it was Wednesday or Tuesday, and he starts saying,

and, you know, oh, yeah, well, Obama's probably going to assassinate me in this.

Those Middle Eastern, I mean, I don't mean to talk bad about those people,

Muslims and Middle Easterners, Arabs, Persians,

but they're just the biggest bullshit con artists out in the world, man.

I kid you not.

Like, every single news story or all these things you hear,

I got a friend who was in Iraq and he said that the biggest bullshitters in the world

are those people that they had to talk to all the time and ask questions.

All they do is lie all the time.

they they they they they have no shame in in making white lies and half-truths

so be it i'm not racing i'm not saying just that's what i hear look at office full of shit

for 25 years it was a preview once an asshole always an asshole then the national brat the

national was at a national black caucus is that who the congressional black caucus uh went to uh

the uh went to cuba met with fidel castro apparently and fidel castro saying himself

that he's very pro normalization with the united states i think he's dying and he just sees that

his legacy i guess of what's left of cuba and the horrible set of conditions over there which i i

am strongly on the belief that it's mostly perpetuated by the united states and their

foolish 50 year old now 50 year old trade embargo with cuba which does nothing but alienate the

cuban people and promote the cause of communism because again we're not able to influence that

that country, with our dollars.

The best tool that Fidel Castro has is that stupid embargo that Kennedy put into action 50 years ago.

I hate to get political on this show, but I'm just saying it's time to end travel restrictions

and time to end the damn embargo, the trade embargo with Cuba,

so that our farmers can make a lot of money.

There's such a huge opportunity for the farmers of the United States to make money

if Cuba trade relations were normalized.

The medical industry and their children and people who die all the time in Cuba

because they're refused access to a lot of basic medical equipment and hardware

like x-ray machines and stuff like that

because of the fact that anything that's made in the United States

is not supposed to be sold to Cuba or vice versa.

It's insane.

We'll be right back in a moment with the next prank call tonight.

St. Anne Marie Antoinette Hotel.

Yes, hi. I'd like to make a reservation, please, as soon as possible, but we have to get through some stuff first before we do that.

Okay.

What was that?

Am I holding this a moment?

Oh, why ask if you can put you on hold and just throw you on hold? That's an ask.

Just at least wait for me to say yes.

When she comes back, I'm telling her no means no.

Bitch.

I think this is the last call, then I'm getting tired.

Okay, you're trying to make a reservation. You need to call back between the hours of 7 a.m. and 8 a.m.

First of all, it is not okay for you to place me on hold.

You didn't even let me answer the question.

What did you say to me last? What was the last thing you said to me before you put me on hold?

I said, can you hold just a moment?

And then did I get to answer, or did you just throw me on hold?

I didn't know if you answered or not.

So you didn't pay attention for my answer.

Okay, how can I, okay.

Why did you ask?

Why didn't you just say I'm going to put you on hold?

Why wouldn't you just do that?

Sorry about putting you on hold.

Well, no, that's, it's okay.

You could have put me on hold.

I think you should, you know what, you really need to apologize.

It's for not caring about what my feelings were about you placing me on hold

and just putting me on hold and making assumptions.

Don't they teach you that you're supposed to wait for the answer?

Like, what if I would have said, no, I don't want you to put me on hold?

What were you going to do?

Okay.

Because it wasn't okay.

I didn't want to be put on hold.

I like to hear you talk in the background.

Okay.

So I think you should make up for it.

Give me a reservation.

Okay.

I'm sorry for putting you on hold.

Okay.

What else are you sorry for?

For reservations, you have to call between the hours of 7 a.m. and 4 p.m. to speak of reservations.

I want you to apologize about that, too.

Okay.

What am I apologizing for?

That I can't make your reservations right now because we have a reservations department?

Yeah, please.

That is here between 7 a.m. and 4 p.m.?

Apologize for all that.

Okay.

Okay, I'm sorry that I'm not able at the moment to make the reservations for you

because reservations is normally here between hours of 7 a.m. and 4 p.m.

Okay.

What's your name?

My name is Shavonna.

I want you to apologize for that, too.

You want me to apologize for my name?

Yeah.

Is there something I can help you with, sir?

Reservations.

Okay, reservations is here between hours of 7 a.m. and 4 p.m.

I can hold.

So you want to hold until 7 a.m.?

If that's okay with you.

No, it's not because I have a...

Well, wait a minute.

When you asked me if you could put me on hold,

you didn't have any consideration for my...

Would you like to speak with a supervisor or someone else?

Unfortunately, I'm not the one that's helping you at the moment.

Obviously not.

Obviously, you know, is this a man I'm going to talk to?

I'm helping you to the best of my ability right now, and unfortunately, I can't.

Please don't interrupt me.

Please apologize for interrupting me.

I'm a patient.

We lost a patient.

Please place a call.

Call back and tell her she didn't get permission to hang up on me.

Yeah, may I speak with your Shaquanda, please?

Shaquanda?

Sorry, there's no Shaquanda here.

Is there a black girl there with a name that starts with S-H-A?

Yes.

She hung up the phone without permission.

I'd like to talk to her again, please.

Hold on.

Place a call.

Press 1 to listen to your recorded call.

They're just hanging up now.

I'll try one more.

I'm down to 8 minutes.

I'm probably down to 7 minutes down the phone card.

When it runs out, we're running out of show.

I'm going to sleep after this.

We did our best.

We didn't do that bad.

It's remaining.

Thank you for calling the St. Ann's Hotel.

Yes, I've been hung on bond twice there,

Sharon, I'm required to speak to a supervisor, please.

Absolutely, I'll transfer you.

Mrs. Shaquanda, I'll make a replace, a complaint.

This better not take, I only got eight minutes, seven minutes left now.

Shit.

Holding?

Oh, wait, I meant to say yes.

Damn it, she got me.

She tricked me.

She comes back and I say, I said no.

I said no and you still put me on hold.

Let me hang up and call back and tell her that.

We're calling Ms. Ann.

Look, I can't wait all night for you to put me through to people.

I only have about six minutes left on my phone card now, so you need to make it fast.

Okay, I can give you the number you can call.

And I said no. When you asked me if I could hold him in, I said no, and you still put me on hold again.

Can you please apologize?

Okay, in order for me to transfer you, I have to put you on hold.

So if you don't want to hold, I can give you another number to call.

If you don't want the other number to call, you can't make reservations.

Well, tell the person to come to the phone that I need to talk to, the supervisor, because I'm making...

They're at another hotel.

I'm making a complaint about you because you hung up the phone and you said bad words.

Oh, I said bad words? But what bad words did I say?

You know what you said when you hung up the phone.

I heard it.

What did I say?

I don't repeat those words.

I'm a Christian.

I don't repeat.

Sir.

You must enjoy talking.

I'm a Christian and I don't curse.

And you're being really rude right now.

You said a bad word.

I had a bad person in front of me.

You know what?

I'm going to tell you some really bad words in about five seconds and lose my religion.

So do you want to make reservations or not?

I want you to apologize for the bad words that you said.

I'm not apologizing.

I'm not apologizing for anything.

Because you're horrible.

You're a horrible person.

Okay.

I'm so glad you think I'm so horrible and hell is going to freeze over eventually.

God's going to come down and kill me.

But how can I help you?

It's bullshit.

Yeah.

Put me through to the manager right now.

To place a call, press 1 to listen to your recorded...

Ooh, uh-uh.

Say it again.

Yes, I'm sorry.

I hung up on accident.

Can I please speak to Shaquanda again?

Shaquanda has gone across the street to the hotel.

Who's this?

This is another worker.

What's her name?

I choose not to give you that information.

You're required to tell me.

This is the Christian woman again, isn't it?

Why?

You're the Christian woman.

I'm not required to give you anything.

You're the Christian woman.

You know, if you take a look at the permits on your wall, you're required to give me what information I call because you...

We don't have any permits on our wall.

Because you...

Oh, so when I have a hotel, there's not a permit on the door when I close the door?

There's none.

Because you're required to have it on there, so you must have fire hazards there and you try to cover it up.

Oh, really?

This is the...

I'm going to let you know right now.

Every time you call me, I'm going to hang up on you.

You're the nasty Christian bitch who hangs up the phone.

To place a call, press 1.

This should be the last call.

This is the last minute left.

Place a call, press 1.

To please enter your destination number, starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Reserve.

Brunez, you got really pale skin.

Looks weird, man.

No offense.

You should get off the cam.

Get off the cam, though, stupid.

We'll get some sun.

Come back later when you go to town.

Lyco.

i'm presuming psychic chuck is ready he better be he's off camera he's probably uh touching his

guitars nunu wanted us to do uk calls and accuse people of not cleaning the house properly in

particular not cleaning the shit out of the toilet and getting them to apologize get her to apologize

for the frack war i gotcha thank you good point all right we'll be here we'll be back here next

Next week, next Thursday, Madhouse Radio will return, making show.

We'll be here with Milkman, of course.

Milkman's been on mute.

I forgot to unmute him.

Are you still driving around, Milkman?

I think Milkman got in trouble for honking the horn.

Yeah, man.

Dude, I have been following up and down this block here, dude, and you missed it, man.

I had a passenger there listening to the show.

Shit, man.

I bet they couldn't get in.

Kick ass.

Milkman, take us out of here, bro.

We're done.

It's over.

1230.

All right, my brother.

All right, man.

Man, I'd just like to thank everybody out there.

All our friends and the funky bells are going to ring right here.

But you know what?

It's 90.6 the mouth.

I want to welcome back big time Mr. Lonesome Loser.

Thank you, my brother, man.

Without you, we sure wouldn't have a life to be smiling about and laughing again.

Come back, my brother.

Poor old Noonoo about had a heart attack last week.

We had to put him in the old pensioner's home.

So thank you, Mr. Lonesome Loser.

For new news, a wanker of Wankershire, England.

Put your dentures back in your mouth and get back in your wheelchair.

The show's over.

Yeah.

Ellie, Ellie, our famous friend there for tuning in.

Miss Naven, Miss Rockin' Hot Naven.

Awesome.

I was hoping she'd call in and share her story with her prank with us.

Anyway, maybe if you're lucky.

Tune in next week.

Kokanee, our dedicated news reporter for service.

Very good job.

bench a lot, man. Always good to find out

about my brother, Mr. Jeanette.

Look, MSP3 Clay,

that's right, man. Long time listener

and lover of the show. Good to have

you back, Mikey129.

Also another fan in front of the show.

Thank you so much. Also,

all of our friends over there,

Antison, the K-Torch, Erica,

uh,

Terry, Duck, Snake, Mel B,

all our friends. Thanks a lot for tuning in.

We love you, Dino. Thanks a lot. Good job on

show also mr chug that's right my friend my pardon in trouble mr chug thank you so much

at tuggermyke.com love having you in thanks for calling in jonathan everybody else called in

reclude thanks for calling in oh i don't know what happened yeah that's done anyway when you

wake up call him next week remember we've got a party i'm gonna be out in ohio real soon we'll

get together you there on la we're gonna get out don't you dare miss it man because we're coming

Coming live at you very soon from the Hermanito's wedding.

What would we do without our fearless leader of the madhouse?

That's right.

The Generalissimo of fun.

Carlos Hermano.

Thank you so much, my brother.

I love you.

All right.

It's all about me.

All right.

All right, everybody.

I want to thank Lonesome Loser for confirming numbers, as you always do so diligently.

Thank you, sir, for your services.

You're the man.

Couldn't do it without you.

Milkman, of course.

Thank you.

Thank you, Tuck, over at tuckermike.com.

Everyone, be sure to check out tuckermike.com.

that's his website

and you've got

blogillusion.revoluespot.com

also

whatever it is

feel free to shoot that out

when you get a second there

there you go

everyone remember

Psychic Chuck

coming up next

I want to thank everyone

who listened on the

Madhouse Radio Network

it was good to see

Ellie around

Kokanee

thank you for the news stories

we got to a few of them

didn't get to them all

I do my best

but the batteries are out

I want to thank the pilot

for checking in tonight

a new listener

I'm presuming

or maybe not a new listener

but just checking in the chat room

for the first time

much appreciated

Yes, MSC3 Clay, thanks for the news story.

I'm going to definitely have to look to record that reality show with Billy Mays.

Good point.

Let me know when that starts.

I'll Wikipedia that.

I'll wiki for that and see if I can find out when that show starts.

Pilots has been about four years.

All right, cool.

We're going to be in our fourth year anniversary here after the wedding.

A few weeks after that, I think, right?

Like about three, four weeks after that.

When's our anniversary here?

January 50th?

June?

July?

July 15th, I think, right?

Something like that.

July 15th, I think.

Mm-hmm.

Something like that, bro, man.

My gosh, dude.

It only seemed like we just started doing this last week.

Yeah, I know.

It's been a long, long, long time.

Well, here we are.

Of course, Maven.

Big thanks to Maven checking in.

Everyone in Syndicate.

You got my friggin' ass off.

Oh, look, Emmy's around.

Emmy's usually not on this late.

Good to see Emmy.

And, yeah, Fairy Dust is here.

I haven't seen her in a while.

Well, I think because I was gone for two weeks, et cetera, et cetera.

Yeah.

Anyway, thank you, everybody.

We will catch you here next week.

You've got a nice tan.

It's cute.

There you go.

Much better.

Good work.

That tan, girl.

There you go.

Now she's gone.

Go back on.

You need about three minutes.

Take them tans, baby.

Sidekick Chuck next on SyndicateRadio.tv and other stuff on the Madhouse Radio Network.

Thank you.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking penis shits!

Calls (13, 48 min of 1 h 51 min)

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