2009-04-16 Show

I think maybe you should already be awake and doing your jumping jacks.

What do you think about that?

Well, I'll jump off your jacks if you keep talking like that.

Listen, I'm an Indian.

You're an idiot?

You're an idiot.

No, no, I'm not. I'm American.

Who the fuck is this?

Listen House Radio Podcast.

We're here with Milkman. Milkman, please make yourself known.

This is your last chance.

Milkman's on the road again tonight, but he's hooked up.

He's, uh, ghetto-rigged his stuff up so he should be able to hear us.

What's up, Milkman?

Not much, man. It's good to hear you.

Tuck is having computer machine problems.

He'll be joining us in a little bit.

We'll look forward to hearing him.

As I said before, it is April 16th, Thursday.

It's 10.22 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

It's only 7.22 in the West Coast.

So no excuse to not be listening to us tonight.

Please call in tonight with your parent call request.

The toll-free line will be open.

Milkman will be giving it out in a moment.

Not just now, Milkman. Take it easy.

Take it easy.

But, of course, keep in mind you can always reach me on AOL and Yahoo.

Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio is my stream.

Again, if you're using AOL or Yahoo, Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

That's my screen name.

If you're using MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com.

And be sure to visit our homepage, madhouselive.com, as it were.

So that you can communicate through me there as well.

Check out our podcast, the forums, the prank calls are all up there, etc., etc.

You've got to kind of look deep.

I'm in the midst of redesigning the madhouselive.com webpage.

Make it a little easier to target more of our audience.

I think that we should focus, Milkman, and I haven't had a chance,

and I like the listener's opinion out there,

but I think our home page, manhouseside.com, has something lacking with the simple fact

that I think the first thing that should be on the page when you go to our web page

should just be prank calls, should be right there.

You should be able to just click on prank calls and listen to them right there.

I think that's a change that we need to strive for towards Milkman

because you have to do like three or four clicks before you start hearing prank calls sometimes.

times you know and i think we got to make that available right in the front or within one click

there's no reason we should all be set up to have it all set up um you know dynamically as it is i

wouldn't have to really update it that much just upload files and it's ready to go so milkman

that's my project for the weekend wish me luck on that um of course big thanks to everyone over

at syndicate radio.tv again i want to apologize for hurting your ears there's some vote going on

folks they're voting on the biggest um and i don't understand i went to vote today um i got

uh my registration milkman i don't know if you got your registration you have to vote

i understand it's out of the beta phase now everyone can vote now everyone should vote

or read the syndicate radio.tv vote thing get it get it get the link from somebody because

apparently they didn't put it on the home page you gotta you gotta click five or six times to

find it but uh i don't know what the difference is between the biggest douche and the biggest uh

cunt and the biggest uh asshole um of the year kind of hard to make that determination between

Between those three things, but those votes are up there nonetheless.

There's a lot of white people on there who are looking for your vote,

and I think we should all vote.

I would especially appreciate it if you guys voted for Madhouse Radio for number one show.

Anyway, even you non-syndicate radio watchers,

go over to Syndicate Radio so you can watch and vote.

Tonight we're going to have prime calls, of course, as usual.

We've got some topics of the day.

We've got a lot of people checking in the chat room,

including Lonesome Loser himself confirming away in the confirmation machine.

You know how he does it.

Thank you, Lonesome.

Taking an early look at those.

Someone calls me Slacksker.

Thank you.

If I'm the Slacker, how come you don't know how to spell Slacker?

You use an X.

Where are you from?

Hmm?

Australia?

Huh?

Hmm?

Huh?

Moonshop.

No, Moonsmoke Shop.

The Moonsmoke Shop, a guy named Andy, Big Andy, in Tucson, Arizona.

Paradose, Paradose, Paradise Liquor Store.

They're up in, they're up in it, in Lake Forest, California.

Charlie's Liquors, Gilroy, California, and another number here coming in as well, Tapas

the Tapas Picasso Spanish Restaurant.

They're in San Diego, California,

home of SeaWorld and the Naval Training Center.

We used to have a SeaWorld and a Naval Training Center,

but they took our Naval Training Center away.

Thank you, Ronald Reagan.

Appreciate it.

Actually, that was Bill Clinton.

I think they took away the Orlando Naval Training Center

under Bill Clinton's watch.

Thank you, Bill Clinton.

You liberal.

Someone says Jersey.

What about Jersey?

What's the deal with Jersey?

What about it?

Jersey.

Milkman, are you going to make it?

hang on milkman uh you know um it was announced this week finally finally after so many times

i've been asking the madhouse radio bachelor party show saturday may 23rd uh again that's

saturday may 23rd in the evening i'm expecting and the reason i haven't made a lot a huge

announcement yet is the simple fact that i still have to book the place because i don't know um

what's a good place to book at in atlantic city i mean i don't want to you know all i know honestly

is uh for there's a trump tower out there and i think the bellagio is out there right i don't

I don't know.

That's all I know.

So I'm asking for your opinion.

If anybody from Syndicate is going to show up,

you guys are probably more apt to tell me

as to where it would be a good place for me to book a place

for us to do a show together.

Hour, hour and a half, maybe two hours.

And after that, go out drinking.

I'm going to do it anyway regardless.

Milkman, you're going to be there, right?

You're going to be there for the 23rd?

You put the time in at work, you said?

Oh, yeah, bro.

All right.

Andy, the former co-host of our show, is going to be there.

Lonesome Loser is going to try to make it.

It's Jersey.

I don't know if he can make it.

He's going to try to come to the wedding, but that'd be cool.

So, I mean, with me and Milkman and my old co-host of the show

before he moved out to Chicago,

Andy is going to be the best man in my wedding.

Together, we're going to do a show.

How far is Philadelphia from Atlantic City?

I don't know.

I don't know how far it is.

Maybe two hours?

I don't know.

I've got to find out.

I've definitely got to find out.

Maybe I could sweep up and get with loads of losers

and grab him and bring him along.

Perhaps, perhaps.

That's a good idea.

you so definitely what i'm going to be doing as i said i don't know so seriously if anybody knows

in the channel please i'm begging for help as recommendations of places that we can you know go

and uh and do the show from like i said i want as many of the listeners who can make it as possible

all of you in syndicate are definitely invited it's going to be a syndicate meetup hopefully

syndicate party you know made it available you know i made it official i gotta post those details

in the forums in the syndicate forums as well as ours i think it's going to be awesome worst

Worst case scenario, if it doesn't become a syndicate thing, then it'll be me, Milkman, and Andy.

And we'll do a show together in the hotel room.

We're going to go and drink and maybe, I don't know, gamble a little bit.

Go to a strip club or something like that.

Okay.

Perhaps.

There you go.

Oh, yeah, Maven.

Yeah, Maven's in the area.

Now, Disturbed D.

My homeboy, Disturbed D.

Disturbed, the big homeboy here, says he's an hour away from AC.

So, excellent.

There we go.

So, we got Disturbed D.

And I really respect Disturbed quite a bit.

Double D.

He's only an hour away.

He said he'll gamble with us, so cool.

In our favor.

Saturday, May 23rd is the date, Disturbed.

It's going to be in the evening.

I would say we're probably going to start around...

See, here's the thing.

I also want to make sure, if we do the show,

are we going to be able to broadcast on Syndicate?

Because I'm sure there's already a show on Saturday.

I don't know if an exception can be made,

or if we'll just do it somewhere else.

Or if we'll just do it privately, maybe.

Just hang out.

Maybe we can just hang out, too.

We can always do the show on the Madhouse stream,

on our station.

worst case scenario and we'll just record it and play it all right so there you go looking forward

to that though it's going to be fun talk i hope i wish you could make it man but you're far and

things are things i mean you're an agriculturalist so that's why you can't go really there you go

right yes spinnaker yeah well dude you're definitely invited spinnaker's making a point

here uh we can use that they have the syndicate too the uh second uh station kind of thing that

they do we can always go there no we don't want to take anybody off the air but we're men i just

just want to have let's want to we should all meet up and have a party you know we don't have to do

a show why put why put pressure on it guys oh no it's been no syndicates you know they've gone

they've had parties together it'd be the first madhouse meetup definitely not the first syndicate

meetup but um i heard the vegas one was a lot of fun uh disturbed yeah double d says yeah flip on

cam schedule and go gamble fuck it let's do it all right do it live um i just want to mention

here everybody uh what you want to keep in mind um after that show after may the 23rd we're going

to be off the air uh not off the air the station will still be on but there won't be any madhouse

live shows live shows that is for a good month because i'm going to be out of town you know

living a week before the wedding and going to have the wedding in two weeks for the honeymoon

and stuff like that uh and a good question uh mr rurak is asking are any strip clubs oh they've

got to be for circles in atlantic city you gotta be kidding it's definitely gotta be so um

So Libra Shirley, guys, if you get a chance, there's a posting in the syndicate forums.

I need to put the details in there, but if you're listening now, if you get a chance,

go in there and just post your intentions, if you can make it, if you're a maybe,

if you're a for certain, and make a recommendation for where we should all meet up,

where we can all go to drink, if you know a good place, if you've been there before,

where I can book a large room for us to maybe hang out together, drink together,

and turn on the cams, as was said before, hang out.

It's not going to cost a freaking million dollars either.

Oh, no, I don't think anything's to that big expensive out there.

And we're not going to go to the penthouse, for God's sake,

but, I mean, a big enough room so no one will fuck with us.

We're going to all fucking get crazy, chill out,

have a nice buzz on, and have our little show.

Mickey's mentioning the manhouse jackpot pool.

Very nice.

Very nice, very nice.

Okay, so we've got to get to prank calls here.

Masterson and Eddie Garcia and Jack Valente.

Okay, I'll bring the milkman and my laptop and my wireless connection.

Right, right.

Maven says he wants to show up.

Maven, yeah, Maven's close, right?

We're going to have a hell of a gang.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

Right on.

Someone's saying I'm going to be clavado.

In Spanish, it means I'm going to get nailed.

Is that what that means?

I'm going to get, you're going to get laid?

Jesus Christ.

There's some Puerto Rican on the internet over here saying that he's going to nail me to the cross or something.

Sick fucker.

I know who it is.

He's a co-worker of mine.

What's up, big guy?

I know Mr. Skezer.

Thank you for listening live.

all right so anyway these numbers we're going to get to we'll get to news articles etc later

um uh-huh let's see here charlie's liquors and we got prank calls to play here from jim stewart uh

they want to mention jim stewart.com is back up online we're hosting it partner site of manhouse

live jim stewart j-i-n-s-t-e-w-a-r-t jim stewart.com it's got some new pranks out there that are really

really funny i don't know if tug tug you got a chance to hear some of them right i think milkman

i don't know if you heard them yet you want to hear one of them you definitely do all right this

This one's called House Rent.

House Rent.

He's got a really long one called This Birthday.

I guess what happened was Jin went to...

I'll play it now.

I'll play part of it.

I can't play the whole thing.

It's too long.

But Jin went out for a birthday party.

He went out for dinner with some friends.

Goes to the restaurant.

Indian place, of course.

You know Jin.

And as he's leaving, he's leaving early.

The party is staying behind.

It's this girl and a bunch of guys and stuff like that.

Isn't that ironic that Jin actually goes to an Indian restaurant?

It is.

It is ironic.

You know him.

But he got on his cell phone and called and said, yeah, I'm just leaving, but I'm stepping out so she can't see.

But I want you to sing happy birthday to the girl who's at the table.

It's her birthday.

I want you to come bring out a cake and lie at it and sing happy birthday to her.

And I'm coming outside so she doesn't see me telling you.

I have to look on the phone, but do it, and I'll go ahead and pay you for the cake.

So the guy went ahead and did this, but it was to completely, you know, like it wasn't the person's birthday at all.

And they got really pissed off at him

Because he called back and said

Yeah did you sing happy birthday

And I guess the guy felt like an ass

After he did it

Hello

We'll be right back

With the first prank call

Then on everybody

We're going to call

The Paradise Liquor Store

Listen to this

While we get that ready

Please thank you

And what do you want

Yes sir

I was with the group

Hello

Yeah hello

Yeah I was with that group

Did they

They left didn't they

Yeah you were with the group

Yeah yeah what's up

Yeah I wanted to know

Did you sing that happy birthday

Listen man listen yeah

Yeah.

Yeah?

He he, what the hell?

What the hell?

Hey, hello!

Hello, what are you guys making about?

Why are you messing about?

...

Hold on, did you sing it to them, happy birthday?

Who the fuck is this?

Did you sing happy birthday like an idiot?

No, I didn't, you motherfucker.

Yeah, I know you did, because I was there.

I saw it.

No, I didn't, you son of a bitch.

Yeah, yeah, don't deny it.

You know what?

You're a fucking dickhead.

Happy birthday.

Listen, you bitch.

Tell me who you are.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm...

Press 1 now.

Yeah, how much do I owe you for the cake?

Because I want to pay you.

You know what?

Your mom's a bitch.

That's why you're fucking about, you know what I'm saying?

Jesus Christ

Punjabs man

Dirty mouth

I had lentil beans

For dinner tonight

Then a little bit

Too much garlic powder

Come back up

Oh my

For a call tonight

We're calling a liquor store

By the name of Paradise

In Lake Forest, California

Standing by

Three rings left

Till termination of call

Calls left

Rings rather

Can't all be winners eh

Alright good

Fine

I don't want to talk to them

Anyway assholes

The next temp

Will be a different liquor store

This is going to be

Charlie's Liquors

Jin's audio on this

This MP3 is way too low.

I'm pumping it up as much as I can,

but I don't want to blow your ears off when I come back.

So, do the best you can.

Turn your speakers up as this is playing.

It's a good prank, really.

It's good.

This is too long to play in its entirety.

Anyway, Charlie's Lickers.

Yeah, but how much do I owe you for the cake?

You know what?

You're a son of a bitch.

That's what you're fucking about.

You know what I'm saying?

Why don't you fucking come out and say,

Good, good.

Hello?

Hello, yeah, what's your problem?

I said I'd pay for the cake.

What's the matter with you?

Yeah, I know, but you know what?

I mean, my manager's got pissed off, you know what I'm saying?

I have to do, you know, what my manager said, you know what I'm saying?

Well, let me speak to the manager, then.

Look, he can't speak English, so why don't you speak to me?

I'm speaking to you, but you're getting really excited.

I said I'd pay for the cake. It was just a joke.

Yeah, how am I getting excited, Bob?

How am I getting excited?

Come and pay for the cake, yeah?

Yeah, I'll come and pay for the cake, but, you know,

you're just, you're really angry at the moment.

I want to come in when you're a bit calmer.

Maybe come in tomorrow when you're calm, you know what I mean?

Because you're not calm.

Dada, dada, dada, no one's angry, yeah, look, I'm laughing at her, you know what I'm saying?

No one's angry, come in, come in and just pay for the cake, yeah? Everything's over.

Okay, alright, but can I just ask you something, did he say anything else? Like, did he, what happened, exactly?

She said, she said to me...

Thank you, Tuck, thank you for contributing.

2% in that poll.

Because our first 15 minutes is audio, is, uh, static.

And that, that doesn't help at all.

That's two in a row, folks. Not to worry, more numbers where that came from.

Okay, next coming up is the Blossom Vietnamese restaurant.

Remember that show, Blossom, the girl with the big nose?

Remember that girl, Sex, who was her best friend?

Remember her best friend, though?

I had the biggest crush on her.

I'd hit that.

I hit that myself.

I was like 11 years old.

I hit it every way I could, every night.

All right, Blossom Vietnamese restaurant.

Hang on, everybody.

More gin storage.

Every night.

And in the morning, too.

Woke up a little early before I had to get ready for school.

Good for you.

She hates you.

She hates me?

Yeah, that's what she said, bro.

Really?

Yeah, being honest.

She's getting married to me next year, you know that?

She's getting married to you?

Yeah.

That is just bollocks, you know what I'm saying?

Bruv, you know what?

She's getting married to you next week, yeah?

Congratulations, bruv, you know what I'm saying?

Good for you, man.

Just come in and get paid for the cake, yeah?

Yeah, did you sing to her?

You're going to come in now, yeah?

Yeah, I'm coming now.

Did you sing to her?

Trust me, I didn't.

I bet you stood there like a dick, and you were like, is it your birthday?

No, I didn't, you pussy.

Listen to me.

I did not see, so I didn't know why.

I bet you stood there like a right twat, and you were like, oh, is it your birthday?

We had a call and fucking shit.

What did she say about the tables, the extra tables?

Press one now.

Are you going to come in and take the cake?

You can fuck your mom.

I'm not paying for any fucking cake, mate.

You stick out your eyes.

You can fuck your mom, mate.

I'm going to jump on accident.

What an asshole I am.

Try it again.

I'll fuck your mom.

I'll fuck yours, mate.

I'll fuck your mom, mate.

I'll fuck your mom.

Yeah, hello, mate. How are you doing tonight?

Fine. How are you doing yesterday?

Yeah, you're right. I was there yesterday with some friends of mine.

Yes, sir.

We were a big party, a party of about 20 of us.

Hello, Blossom.

Hey, man. I'm sorry about that. I hit the wrong button. I hung up on you instead of taking you off of mute.

It's nuts, right? You think I know how to use a computer? You think I know? I used to assemble telephones, man.

And this old company called Stromberg Carson, they got taken over by Siemens.

They're German.

It was to assemble the PBX phones, video phones back in the 90s when it was still new.

Okay.

Yeah.

This is Blossom Restaurant.

How may I help you?

How do you guys make your chicken?

How do you guys make chicken over there?

Pardon me?

How do you guys make chicken over there?

How do you do the chicken?

What kind of chicken, what kind of chicken?

Well, like, do you guys, what do you, what's the Vietnamese style chicken?

What kind of chicken, man?

Give me a chicken, like a good chicken dish is what I'm really looking for.

Something spicy.

Spicy, you have to add on to the spicy chili your own.

Oh, you guys don't do that for me.

I want you to put chili powder like inside of it, like start it up with a base.

We don't have chili powder, sir.

What do you use, chili oil?

We have fresh chili.

Fresh chilies?

Just the fresh chili.

All right, will you saute some of those fresh chilies and then give me the oil afterwards?

Do that, sir.

because the horse

is oiling. What?

It will show off the taste if you have

oil. No, I like oil.

I like oils, though. That's fine with me.

I don't mind it.

Yeah, hi. Why is your telephone making

noises? Yes? Why does your telephone

make noises? I'm sorry,

but now I think it's okay.

Okay, yeah, it sounds good now. Thank you.

I understand you much better.

It's a good thing he put you on the phone,

because you speak much clearer. Thank you.

you. Hey. Yes. Okay. I need oil. Sorry. Could I have oil, please? Oil? Yes, oil. Do you

have oil? No, we don't have that. You don't make, you don't use oil at all? What do you

cook with? No, no, we do use it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do use it, but yeah, with the, just

the egg roll and the fritter, that's it. Yes, but I want oil. I want. With potato and

then. Will you give me some oil, please? Like I want to order oil. No, sorry, we don't

sell that. But you have it there.

What's it going to cost you to give me some?

Yeah, we do, but we use it

to cook the food. We don't sell

it. Sorry.

How often do you change out the oil?

Two times a week. Okay.

When is the next time? When is the schedule to be

changed out again?

We're going to change it every

Tuesday and Friday.

So tomorrow you're going to change it? Yes.

Are you going to throw it away? I'm not sure

because I'm not the one who

takes care of that. Who does?

It's my co-worker.

Well, it'll be okay, I think, if you just put some of the oil on the side.

Don't throw away the oil.

That's good stuff.

That's very good stuff.

Why do you want that?

I like oil.

I like to put it in my car that runs on oil.

You ever see those car machines that run on oil?

I think if you really want it, you should call tomorrow in the early morning,

and then you can talk with my boss or my co-worker.

I'll tell you why.

Because I don't know about that.

Well, since you're going to change the oil tomorrow, right?

Why don't we just change it?

I'll change it for you tonight.

I'll come in and I'll do it for you because you're going to have to change it tomorrow before you open tomorrow.

Come on.

Sorry, you cannot do that.

Look, I really need it.

Sorry.

I need my car.

I'm out of oil for my car and it runs on oil.

My car is right now.

I'm busy.

I'm not taking care of that, okay?

When you close, when you close.

Sorry, you really need it.

You have to call tomorrow.

I'll pay you.

I'll pay you some money for the oil.

Anyway, no, sorry, we not do that.

We don't do that.

All right, can I make an order there for food?

Yes.

Okay.

I want 20 egg rolls.

Yes.

I don't want you to drain it, the egg rolls.

I want you to, you know, just throw them right in there really quick

so they don't drain the oil off of them.

Yes.

All right, then will you make a sauce with oil and put flour in the oil and mix it up?

Sorry.

Do you like to eat the oil?

Look, I just really want oil.

I just want oil.

Please, just give me some stupid oil.

Give me stupid oil

I'm busy now

Sorry

Okay bye

You stupid shit

Damn it

Stupid man

What I gotta do

To get her angry at me

Asian people

Asian women are nuts

Won't get angry

For being here

Ah fucker

Now he starts talking

Right when I hang up

He comes back

Bitch bunnies

Bitch tits

The toll free line is open

It's 1-888-278-8509

Again if you wanna reach me

Here tonight live

1-888-278-8509

That's where you can

Call me tonight

Niner

Alright

You sound like you're talking from a car.

I'm going to turn that ringer off.

Dr. Lego.

Want some oil?

That was a shitty prank call.

Don't make fun of it.

Bro, I was trying to call you.

I got a hold of you, but you're harder to get a hold of than the president, man.

Yeah, buddy.

How you been?

That's what I hear.

I've been pretty good.

Very busy myself, man, because of the wedding.

I'm stressed out, like, really, really bad sometimes.

Wedding, work.

Yeah.

School's over, though.

Well, it's not over.

I got two weeks left, but it's winding down.

It's finals time.

You know, I do the best I can.

I throw, you know, left ball, right ball, right down the middle, the cooch.

Sometimes you just got to say shit like, well, how about...

Yeah, that's just the right you would go.

I understand, my friend.

Yeah, yeah.

So what's up?

You're not going to make this jersey show, you said.

It's going to be hard for you to get out there.

It's a four-hour trip for you?

Well, never say never, bro.

Never say never.

I may...

You could, man.

A lot of people need to have the kings of pranks be together, man.

You need to be...

You know him.

He's always a busy man, busy, busy.

Well, if I go...

Yeah, man.

man. Do you know of any good places I can stay

in Atlantic City that we can get a room?

Dude, I just want a decent-sized room

so we can do a show.

Don't forget, I'll talk to you about that

soon, because that'll help me out immensely and help the

people out.

Hold me by the hand. Is it show me by the hand or hold me

by the hand? Why don't you take me by the hand? And that's an old

80s song, right? You come to Orlando and not

meet up with me. What was that about? I had my

gross tape ready to be autographed.

You said you were coming to Orlando.

I was actually game still. Let me know.

If you do, I'll manage it for you. I'll go in there and I'll push

Push the buttons.

I'll take care of all the...

I actually was thinking of buying...

Listen to me.

Here's how crazy...

said, I think we're going to leave Orlando.

I think we're going to Pennsylvania.

Really?

Yeah, I'm getting tired of, Jesus Christ, Orlando.

I mean, it's not that it's a bad place to live.

I've been here all my life

And there's a lot of jerks

Over down here man

A lot of people just

I don't know

It's

I don't know

Pennsylvania though

Is very like

You know

It's like

They're very cool

Yeah I'll be king

I'll be king over there

I'll be the intellectual

Genius of Pennsylvania

Are you kidding

I'll run

When I drive into Pennsylvania

I'm like

Hey man

You know where 7 is

And they're like

You mean that 711 place

Yeah they are pretty ditzy

Over there

They're probably dumb

You got a point

Yeah man

And then they got Wawa

Wawa

Oh yeah

Dude we prank called a Wawa

Did you hear that

Oh you didn't hear it

We did a show Monday

day, a prank called Wawa got the lady really mad at me. It was pretty funny. Yeah, because

they're fucking idiots. Yeah. What kind of name is Wawa anyway, right? Wawa. Wawa. Hey,

dude, did you hear about Kmart going out of business, it sounds like? No, they are. Kmart

and Sears are in huge trouble right now, rumored to be filing for another bankruptcy yet again.

I think it's the second or third time in the last decade for Sears and Kmart. Dude, this

fucking world is fucked up. I was thinking about taking out a student loan. I went to

this website that I used to go to in the past

that advertised student loans

at a low rate. I went there and it said

due to the current economy, we're not accepting any more

applications. I was like, man, that's really

serious. It's been bad before

LIGO. I remember in the 90s

we had a recession. It was bad, but never like this.

I remember when you saw people literally freaked out

like they are now. It's crazy.

Even my business, I'm taking some

beatings. It's hard for people to stay.

I've lost a week.

Are you going to put memorabilia and shit too

No, no, it's just going to be a really nice

Like, if you want to see a band

And it's like, you know me with audio

Right, yeah

For the audiophiles, you know

It's a place for the audiophiles to go to

You know, I know what you're talking about

Yeah, man

Yeah, yeah

So that's what I'm thinking of actually doing

I'm actually

I really dig that, man

That's fucking awesome

Yeah, dude

That works

You know, sometimes Lego

It's the easiest thing

I was driving down the road here recently

And I took a look to my right

And there's a brand new

Fast food place called Bojangles

chicken place

and they had

the most awesomest

thing I ever saw

it said breakfast

served 24 hours a day

I was like

you gotta be kidding me

that's the most

awesome idea

24 hour breakfast

you know

like 24 hour

fast food breakfast

they eat diner

and get that though

right

yeah but this is

fast food

you don't have to

sit down

and wait for

your turn

you go right

through the

drive-thru

they do like

your egg

sandwich

your egg

McMuffin

kind of thing

can we call them

because I want to

see what they have

Bojangles

yeah you want to

do that for sure

Sure, yeah, let me get their number here real quick.

No problem.

Hang on the line, I'll get the number, I'll connect us,

and I'll play a prank call while we do that, all right?

All right, hang on, don't go anywhere.

Not to let go, we're going to call Bojangles, the new one here in Orlando.

Get down to the bottom of this.

Don't do it, bud.

Yeah, yeah, yesterday.

I think I had a few in the south.

Yeah, I don't know, I was not here, I was in London, yeah.

What happened?

Oh, well, I just, somebody came out with a birthday cake,

and it was nobody's birthday.

We were just wondering, we were just wondering what that was about.

We don't know, you know, we wanted to find out if you could tell us

sir, who told you that it was somebody's birthday.

Yeah. Can we, uh,

do you know? Whose birthday? Yesterday,

no, I don't know whose birthday, sir. We don't know. That's what we're trying to

find out, because it was nobody's birthday, but they came

out with a cake, and we told them it wasn't,

it wasn't anybody's birthday, and we just wanted

to check. Is the manager there? Oh, yeah,

I am the manager, sir. This, I'm speaking, sir, yeah.

Oh, oh, okay. Can you ask some of the people

that were there yesterday if they know anything about

the cake that was brought out? Yeah,

I heard yesterday someone booked the table.

They said they, they want a cake, and

And they buy the cake already.

And it's in the fridge.

I said, why did they put the cake in the fridge?

He said, someone asked them, someone joked with us.

Okay.

But then they came out with the cake.

We thought it was a joke.

They came out with the cake.

No, no, it's not a joke.

It's a serious.

Because someone phoned us.

Yeah.

They said 20 people booking.

So we need a cake early on.

So they went to buy Tesco to buy a cake.

And they put.

But when they come, you know, in your party,

I think no one knows your birthday.

That's why they were surprised.

They said, who's booking them?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, because none of us had a birthday, and he came out, and he's singing happy birthday.

I'm very sorry for that, because I don't know, someone took the phone.

They're thinking, they say there's 20 people booking today, so we have a party, so I need a birthday cake.

So we spend the cake money, but no one's birthday here.

All right, Lego.

No one, not you.

All right, here's the deal.

They don't have, hang on, let me shut this off.

Can't find their phone listed anywhere yet.

Yeah, they just opened, but I'm going to call 411 and connect us, all right?

Okay.

All right, cool. This will work.

Okay, so it's all right.

But you don't, yeah, they didn't say who it was.

I mean, it could have been somebody from our group.

No, no one. We are looking for anyone.

We call the police ready, so we'll check the...

Can I ask you something?

Did, um, because you sang Happy Birthday, right?

You know?

Mm-hmm.

I feel a bit awkward because they actually came out and they sang Happy Birthday.

Mm-hmm.

Ah, that's your party. That's right.

It's okay. I'm sorry for that.

Yeah, but your people came out and sang happy birthday. That must have been pretty embarrassing for them.

Yeah, I know. I'm very sorry because someone thinking that's your party's birthday, that's why.

Who was the guy, who was the guy, who were the people that came and sang to us? Can I thank them?

Hey, Ashish, come here. Who went to the cake with the party yesterday?

Whose party was the cake yesterday? Who went to give you the cake?

You didn't give anyone cake? No, no one gave the cake, sir, they say.

Oh, no one gave any cake?

Yeah.

But I saw them give out the cake.

No, no one sir. Ok sir, thank you sir anyway.

He went, he went.

Thanks for your calling anyway.

Happy birthday to you.

Hello?

Yeah?

Yeah, what's happening?

You're talking nonsense. Hobbies, hobbies are hobbies.

Hey, your mother is going to beat you up.

Ok? Fucking bastard.

Happy birthday to you.

Hey, your mother is going to beat you up.

Come here, you fucking bastard.

What are you saying?

You're still fucking joking, you dick.

You're fucking, you're joking, you asshole.

You dick.

Come here, I'll show you fucking what is that.

I'm coming and I'm going to say, happy birthday to you.

Okay, got it.

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to your request, please enter your destination.

What is it called, Mojo's?

Bojangles. That's racist.

They're going to have 24-hour shit if they don't answer.

Sucks. It's just a bummer to hear that noise, you know?

One for four, man. One for four.

You want to call a Vietnamese restaurant? You're good with the Chinese.

You've got French-Vietnamese, you've got the Hump Restaurant,

Campbell's Hump Lodge, Skippy's Route 66N,

or Route, whatever it is you say in your part of the country.

Yeah, we could do that.

Okay, the hotel, the inn?

Whatever you want.

Give me some gook.

Gookage.

All right, we're going to call Lay Saigon.

This one goes out to Saigon, an old friend of ours.

We haven't heard from him in a while.

Good friend of yours, right?

I know you love Saigon.

Saigon.

Hell yeah.

Missed him.

I don't know.

They ran him out of syndicate and never came back.

We'll be right back with the next prank call.

All right, everybody.

This one goes out to Tug's Dog.

Tug's Dog Roxanne passed away this morning.

Rest in peace, Tug's Dog Roxanne.

You don't have to put out the red light.

That's where we're playing right now.

Let me spend.

man. You serve rice, yes. Okay, you got white rice? Uh, yes, sir. Alright, how much for

a bucket of white rice? That'd be two dollars, sir. Alright, two dollars? Two dollars, and

what, um, and what else, what's in the meat? It's either a charbroiled, uh, we have it

either in the soup, uh, we have a chicken noodle soup, we have a rice plate. Do you

ever eat it? Well, yes, sir, I mean, if you like, uh, you know. And this is Dr. Leggo

doing a prank call live. I am Carlito. Hello, yeah, yes, sir. What do we have? I'm off

Syndicate people, stand by.

We may have extremely loud static in a second.

Crazy.

Another word of warning.

Please stand by for possible static on Syndicate.

Thank you.

Dr. Jew Lego on the line.

Doing a prank call.

Where the fuck is this guy?

I don't know.

You ready to give up on this dog?

No, no.

I want him to come back one more time.

All right, good.

Everyone, give me a confirmation.

It looks like Syndicate did not go into static mode.

Thank you.

I'd like Syndicate to go into erotic mode.

Yes, sir.

I made a mistake, Lego.

I forgot to broadcast a video feed on the Madhouse website.

Isn't that stupid?

Hello?

Well, he's like one of those real good guys.

There you go.

O-79, I'll start it out since I put you on the spot the last one,

but you feel free to jump in if you feel a spirit, all right?

Spirit, all right? Don't go anywhere.

Is this the foe? O-79?

Yes.

Hey, that's the year I was born. That's fucking awesome.

Hey, I want to make an order, please.

That's the year I was born. I was saying that's awesome.

Did you guys open in 79, or why'd you pick that number?

Excuse me?

Why is this 79?

You ordered to go, right?

Yeah, but I'm asking...

Yes, but in a restaurant.

What? Okay, but why do you call yourself 79?

Is that when you came to America from the Vietnam?

Yeah.

Oh, that's why?

I mean, don't begin with that.

Okay, that's cool, man.

Vietnam is awesome.

My uncle was in Vietnam.

He got shot in the knee.

Yeah, I want...

Okay, what kind do you order?

I want to make an order for the number four.

Number four is a...

What kind of number four?

Number four, yeah.

Number four is a...

Huh?

Number four.

What else?

Huh?

Number four is a grilled steak, babe.

Okay, all right.

And what about the number six?

Grilled steak, babe, right?

Okay, sure.

Whatever you say, man.

I just want number four.

Number four is grilled steak and beef.

Okay, grilled steak and beef?

I want steak and beef, man.

You order that one?

Yeah, that's what I want.

Steak and beef.

Beef, right?

Grilled steak meats.

Yeah, this is one kind of observant cause of beef.

Hmm?

One second.

Did you map?

Number four?

Yes.

I think in the first stage...

Okay, this one, like, special, you have to...

My God, are you kidding?

Is it dangerous?

Is it dangerous, sir?

A little bit.

No, not spicy.

Is it the temperature going to be, like, do you bring it out?

You know what it is?

Number four.

No, you, no, what do you, oh.

You're making presumptions, mister, that I can't handle number four.

Before you have to do, you wrap everything in the rice paper, and you leave it in the sauce.

You have some beef, some dish of vegetables.

So what am I, some kind of asshole who can't put it all put together, you stupid thing?

I cannot do it that way.

No, you better give me the number four, or I'm going to tell my lawyer.

I'll connect my Jew lawyer on the line.

He, when he hits, he hits hard.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good idea, because maybe he meant something.

Hang on, I'm going to get Ned Ryerson online right now.

You shut up, you shut up.

Ned.

Hello?

Yes, I'm talking to this Vietnamese guy.

He said I can't take it.

He's refusing to give me a number four, Ned.

Oh, sir, this is Ned Ryerson.

I'm an attorney general.

Good, okay.

You know what?

All right, well, listen, here's the story, Mike.

You have a tribe, you know?

Listen, you know, as a U.S. citizen, eat the number four in a bag.

I think that's fair enough.

All right, so you know what?

I'll have a number four.

A number four.

One that you wrap up.

Yeah, that's what we want, right?

I want.

Yeah, did you order that way?

That means that you already ordered and then you got the wrong one?

No, we...

Because your voice...

I had that one there.

Last time I was there, there was some...

No, no, I'm not upset at all.

I'll sue you.

I'll...

Listen for me one second anymore.

Thank you for...

No!

That was good, Lego.

Thanks, Lego.

No, that was fun, man.

That chain guy hates to call.

That was a good prank call, Lego.

Don't let yourself down, man.

Chin up, sir.

You never know what you're going to get.

All right, dude.

Prank call, radio, Dom.

Tom, everyone, be sure to check out his website and tune in to his show Wednesday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern here on SyndicateRadio.tv.

That was Dr. Lego.

Good deal.

Something I ate has left my mouth.

Oh, yes, vinegar.

I had vinegar with my lentils.

All right, everybody, let's continue on with the show.

11.15 p.m. according to the clock machine above my head.

Milkman's here.

Tug did have to sign off, unfortunately.

Tug's computer machine is not working good.

quite interesting the new syndicate radio.tv home page very nice i guess i don't need me in my

work anymore i had a good run as the uh designer of the syndicate page that is no more i give it

over to you my my i can only get to a certain point i'm not that good of a web page designer

do the best i can i do want to give a big thanks to our good friend in australia jake

who has taken over the madhouse radio uh facebook page look for us on facebook madhouse live is the

the name on there follow us we'll follow you my twitter account of course is up twitter.com

slash madhouse once again on twitter it's uh twitter.com slash madhouse that's me be sure

you're following me also well i tell you what the stern show howard stern they asked they opened

they started a twitter account i think last thursday or last tuesday they're up to 24 000

something as of this morning i think same that was quick that was fast they shut up there it'll

be good i hope you know the stern show ends up becoming one of the top five so people it'll

It'll get mentions a lot for that.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I mean, despite the fact that this show is better than it's ever been.

I mean, it's all different phases.

I think it's really good right now.

It's not bad by any means, you know, listening to the Stern channels.

But it doesn't get the press play like it used to.

And that's fine.

It's just, you know, it's a different product now, and I still like it.

Look, when you have Sirius in your car at all, in your new car, you got a Lexus.

That doesn't come with Sirius, right?

Okay.

Mark Levinson is like loud.

I'll be at AMFM and all that shit, man.

I don't even know how to use half of it, but yeah.

Okay.

Kick-ass, kick-ass.

Yeah, man.

I was in class yesterday.

Yeah, dude.

When I come up here for the bachelor party, dude, we'll have to take a spin, man.

For sure.

We'll do that.

We'll go step on piss clams on the beach.

We'll go out for a ride.

Hey, wanted to mention here.

Speaking of...

We'll go out and get wild and crazy.

Speaking of the wedding, wanted to mention quite exciting news that I found out.

There's a skating rink on the cruise ship that I'm going to be on for my honeymoon.

Ice skating on a cruise ship.

Not bad, huh?

I've never ice skated before.

Now, let's see.

Is it hard to ice skate, Milkman?

Can you ice skate?

I don't think you're a little too chubby for that, right?

No offense.

Dude, actually, I was pretty good on wheels, man.

I was a skateboarder for many years, man, and a roller skater.

But one thing that you have to remember, if you're going to ice skate, you better have strong ankles.

Because it puts a lot of force sideways on your ankles.

You're on a little thin edge.

Okay. Yeah, I may want to stay away from them, then.

My ankles aren't what they used to be.

I'm getting old, dude. I'm, uh, oh, man.

If you got weak ankles, you may go down.

I can tell you that.

I'm two months away, Milkman.

I'm two months away, unfortunately, from, uh,

becoming 30.

Being out of my, uh, my damn, uh,

20s, man.

June 20th, man.

I'm only 87 years old.

There we go. Every time we talk about the

ages. Uh, Mikey129

on Twitter saying,

saying Lego wanted that box.

Good prank.

That guy was confused.

You'll make him a soccer field

that I'm going to hang on now.

See what other numbers we got here

ready for print collation.

It is now 11.19 p.m. Eastern Standard Time,

8.19 on the West Coast.

We're going to be ringing in Friday,

any moment now.

That's your unofficial start to the weekend,

as I always like to say.

A lot of people in the chat room.

Nunu, the big czar,

the Surgeon General of Madhouse Radio,

Ellie, former consort of Milkman himself,

California, long-time listener, occasional visitor here.

What's up, California?

Good kid, that guy.

Good taste in music, too.

Kokanee, the news director of Madhouse Radio.

And there we've got some news stories from him.

Also, we'll get to in the second half of the show, after the 12 o'clock hour or so.

Maven, of course, in the house, Milkman's buddy.

Mikey129, we just talked about him sending us messages, dirty messages.

MSC3 Clay, the white boy that likes to dance.

And a lot more people over at Syndicate.

Big Dino over there talking his ass off.

Big Outlaw also, very rude gentleman.

man but i respect big outlaw respect each other now but he owes me a huge apology bob levy rubbing

himself chuckle fat czar dr lego who was just on the line with us fairy dust pink that's a nice

little apple ass on her and uh a lot more people there i hate to you know pass over people like

mr rorak etc but uh you know i can only can only do this for so long i'll get to you guys don't

worry y'all get your shout outs eventually not many messages coming in again if you want to

reach me on madhouse radio on aol and yahoo instant messenger you can do so now yahoo

and AOL Instant Messenger users, Madhouse Radio.

Also, be sure to call in if you'd like.

You can just call in and give us your comment

or tell us what's up with your life,

tell us how you're doing tonight, what you're up to,

what you think of the show,

and any requests or ideas for our prank calls.

Milkman, what is that toll-free line, good sir?

That's right, Big Outlaw does owe me a huge apology.

I'm sorry, I don't have to tell you.

Everybody in the chatroom knows.

Everyone, tell him.

Tell him what he did to me, Big Outlaw.

Jerk, boy.

Jerk, piggy.

Piggy, boy.

Piggy, piggy.

Pig, pig, piggy.

Piggy, talking to Big Outlaw Director right now.

Piggy, Piggy, Piggy, Piggy, Piggy, Piggy, Piggy, come over here, Piggy.

You're on camera, Piggy.

People don't want to know if he's even in there.

He's not talking to myself.

Half the people sadly don't even know what I'm talking about.

Hey, guys, I wanted to mention Milkman.

Quite exciting news.

I had never tracked the number of subscribers to our prank call only podcast.

We have the regular Madhouse live podcast where I put the episodes of the show and occasional prank calls.

and that I have one podcast that's just prank calls.

When there's a new good prank call that becomes officialized on Madhouse,

I throw it out there and it gets uploaded.

Did you know that it's already overtaken our subscribership for the regular podcast?

It's actually the most popular part that we have right now.

We have 212, I believe, subscribers of that to the prank call only podcast.

I had no idea.

I was like, whoa, holy shit.

So we're going to start.

That's what I was saying.

We've got to start getting into the prank calls.

as far as updating it as much as possible.

It's going to be quite interesting to see if we can get that to take off.

Well, I mean, people like prank calls.

They may not want to listen to a two-hour show of me sitting here rambling like I am right now,

but when I take out all the fat, when I trim all the fat,

I get to that little bit of meaty bacon there in the center.

Goddamn, that's good.

Speaking of which, let's play a prank call from last week.

This is

not just one-trick pony.

Hey, man, we got calls, we got music, we got characters, we got personality,

we got tech talk, we got fun times, we got food talk.

There's a little bit of something for everyone.

This is not a one-trick pony, man.

It's a jam pony.

Indeed, indeed.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, 1-888-278-8509.

That's the toll-free line here.

If you want to call in, as Milkman was saying before.

I'm going to play this prank call.

This is not from last week.

On our break here in a few moments, we're going to take a break,

and we'll play a prank call from last week.

It called, Apologize for all that, Milkman.

I don't know if you...

Yeah, you were here for that one.

That was quite good.

That was a very good series of prank calls.

I edited them all together.

Now, let me preface that by talking about our Monday shows,

which are back on Syndicate and also on the Madhouse The Mouth stream.

We're doing morning shows starting around 9 or 10 a.m., give or take,

on Monday mornings going until 11 a.m. or 12 or even 1 o'clock.

I did a show here with Tuck.

I'm sorry, Milkman, I didn't get a chance to inform you in time.

It was kind of a short notice thing.

I'm very sorry.

I thought you were sleeping.

It was like 6 o'clock in the morning your time.

Oh, wow.

I missed out, man.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I won't let it happen again, dude.

I'm sorry.

But anyway, we did a prank call.

I was calling here.

I still have it here.

The newspaper, the job listings in the newspaper.

And we called this, oh, man.

We called the body shop place, okay?

This guy, he put an ad.

And I'll actually tell you right here what it was.

It's, okay, body, body, body.

Body shop helper, okay?

Okay, 10 years driving experience, auto detailing experience, mechanic background a plus.

Please call Tony, and he gives his phone number, okay?

So we call Tony.

I'm going to call him, prank call, looking for a job.

However, Tony doesn't pick up.

His answer machine picks up, Milkman.

And I was lucky enough that I guessed the remote code.

So all of a sudden, I'm listening to messages left by people who are responding to this newspaper ad

for this job in body detailing helper work.

So, I mean, they'll be like, hi, I'm blah, blah, blah.

Hello, and this is my phone number.

So I'm like, excellent.

So I call back a gentleman named Alberto.

Alberto.

I confuse his name for Roberto, and remember that towards the end.

But anyway, so I hack into the answering machine, call Alberto.

Now, keep in mind, I'm spoofing my caller ID to look like the guy that he called looking for a job.

So this guy, he sees the phone.

It's the same number he called before from the newspaper.

He's like, oh, shit, this is awesome.

The guy's calling me back for the job.

He's going to call me back and offer me an interview.

So, yeah, but I end up offering him, I hire him on the phone,

but he gets quite upset in the process.

You'll see why.

This one's called I Need an Address.

We'll be right back in just a moment.

Thank you.

Please enjoy this.

There's a job here for a body shop helper.

It says call Tony.

We are unavailable to take your call.

Please leave a message.

Press 1 to play.

Message.

Press 2.

20.

Message.

1.

Good morning, I'm calling in regards to Body Shop Helper paper.

15 a.m. Sunday.

And I spoofed the number as the guy with the job offer.

This will be quite confusing.

Hello.

Can I speak with Robert, please?

I'm returning a number for Mr. Robert Roberto regarding a job.

This is Tony.

Oh, no, this is Alberto.

How are you doing there, buddy?

I'm doing good, sir.

I saw your ad in the news this morning.

How good are you with the car machines?

Machines?

Yeah, straightening the machine.

Got it, man.

man. Come on down to the shop. When do you want to start? Tomorrow, Monday through Friday?

I'm game. I'm game. Where are you at? You tell me and I'll get you.

Come on down to the shop tomorrow. Bring your papers with you and

we'll start. Okay. Alright. 9 a.m.

You can wear jeans, but we prefer

a collared shirt. Okay? Okay. Alright, Alberto. We'll see you then.

Yeah, yeah. That's fine. Alright. Give me an address. Alright. We'll see you then.

Thank you, Alberto.

Give me an address.

Okay, you got it.

All right.

Hello.

You got that 9 a.m.?

9 a.m. where?

At the shop.

It's in Orlando.

Give me an address.

You got it.

All right, Alberto.

We'll see you tomorrow, 9 a.m.

Hold on.

Okay.

Hello.

I'm looking forward to this.

Thank you very much.

It came down between you and me.

We had a girl, a girl, Roberta and Alberto.

I think we'd rather go with the guy.

Hello.

Yes, I'm here.

Hello.

Can you hear me?

I can hear you.

Come down to the shop, sir.

All right.

But tell me where the shop is.

I don't know where the shop is.

I hear the fire alarm is going off.

There's a fire alarm going off.

Hang on.

Hello?

Okay, yeah.

Hello, hello.

9 a.m., you got it?

But you got to tell me where the shop is.

I don't know where the shop is.

At the shop, is it downtown?

Downtown where?

Give me an address.

There's a fire alarm.

Hang on.

Hang on, I'm going to go outside so you can hear me, all right?

I need an address.

Okay, you ready?

You got the shop, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. tomorrow.

Three-button polo down shirt.

I need an address.

Okay.

I need an address.

Oh, you need the address.

You need the address.

Yeah, I need an address.

All right, it's 122.

I don't have the address.

122.

I'm sorry, we got a palm.

They're doing a test on the fire alarm, and it keeps going off.

I hear it.

All right, it's 122.

Uh-huh.

Southwest.

Downtown.

122.

We'll see you at 9 a.m.

You got it.

I didn't get that.

I didn't get the address.

We got it.

I got you.

You got it.

We got it.

I didn't get the address.

Oh, come on.

I can't hear you.

Hello?

What is that noise?

No, no.

No, let me call you back.

Is this Tony?

This is Tony, yeah.

Let me call you back, because I'm getting some noise on the line.

The fire alarm's going off.

Okay, what's the address again?

122 what?

Southwest on Sand Street.

I get that.

Sir, you know what?

Forget it.

If you can't write down directions, forget it.

It's just not going to work out, Alberto.

Oh, you're playing with me, man.

Good night.

Good luck to you, Alberto.

What's the address?

I'm going to call Roberto, all right?

What's the address?

You're not giving me the address.

I thought I meant to call Robert.

I meant to call Rob, but not Alberto.

I made a mistake.

Come on, man.

I'm going to call Robert.

What's the address?

I'm calling Robert.

No, no, no, no, forget it.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is not going to work out, no.

Oh, you're playing with me, man.

Why you call me to play with me?

I got to go.

That's it.

I'm calling Robert.

No.

All right.

Good luck, man.

You too.

Bye-bye.

That's a horrible thing.

Yeah, it was horrible.

So I dealt with that.

I didn't know if I should take that off the website, not release it, et cetera, et cetera.

I'm keeping it.

Too bad.

He figured it out at the end.

That's what Tuck was saying.

I had a few people listen to it before I released it.

They said, ah, it's fun.

Don't worry about it.

I mean, it cut out the beginning where I hacked the answer machine.

That's just too much.

It's too much.

You've got to get to the meat.

It takes a good two minutes for that prank call to develop.

That's what the problem with it is.

You've got to have patience with that one, man.

Patience, Milkman.

Patience.

That was awesome, man.

I love that.

That was so cool.

I thought you liked that one.

Bo Jangles in Orange Park, Florida.

That's a different part of the state.

You know what he kind of sounded like, you know?

What?

He kind of reminded me of the first Pasquale call.

The guy, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, the way the accent he had.

Yeah, that's just, I don't want to, it's a little annoying on the air, I'm sure.

This is my soldering project from my last term in school.

That's what it is.

That's why I was just putting it up to the phone and going like.

Oh, yeah, look at this.

Dude, that's awesome, man.

Yeah, it actually came in pretty useful.

I actually made something with my own hands, and look at that.

I did quite a good job with that.

Milkman, are you driving again?

Yeah.

Where are you going to?

I'm driving right now.

You're going to the toilet?

Milkman's driving to the toilet.

There's a big police bus here, so, man, I'm moving out of here.

I'm going to go down the road in a few minutes.

Meebleguest23950 is asking, where is Milkman?

Milkman, I don't know.

You're in the, where are you exactly?

I'm in El Segundo.

El Segundo, the second.

It's on Manhattan Beach.

That was Manhattan Beach there.

That's right.

Now I'm heading to El Segundo.

There you go, number.

Meebleguest23950.

Your answer right there.

Okay, so anyway, we're going to call that Bojangles.

I can't do a show, man, because I'm going to drive back to East, man.

I'm going to be driving for a while, man.

We've got a confirmed number for Bojangles.

We're going to discuss their 24-hour breakfast.

I think it's a beautiful thing.

Just a moment here, and we'll get to that.

What I ought to do is just get on there and broadcast the whole trip, man, you know?

Are there any Bojangles over there?

While I'm driving.

No Bojangles over there in California, I'm presuming, right?

Bojangles, how may I help you?

Hey, what's going on, big girl?

Hey.

Hey, I wanted to ask you, you guys do 24-hour breakfasts, right?

25 breakfasts?

24-hour breakfasts.

No, we don't.

Wait a minute now, listen.

It's all day, but whenever we close, we close at 11.

Oh, but you do it all day, because I'll tell you, where I live, there's a 24-hour Bojangles,

and they're open 24 hours a day, so I can get breakfast anytime I want, right?

Yeah, anytime we're closed, I mean open.

Okay, what's your...

We open at 5.30.

What time do you close, though?

From 6 to 11.

You close at 11?

You just closed?

Mm-hmm.

You don't have any sausages I can have?

Mm-mm.

You're not throwing away anything?

Be honest.

You got anything you got to throw away?

I already threw it away.

Where is it?

In the dumpster?

Mm-hmm.

Can I go get it from the dumpster?

I'm hungry.

I don't think so.

I've been sleeping in my car for three weeks.

I lost my job and the church lets me stay in the parking lot.

Hello?

Thank you for calling Bojangles.

Can I help you?

Yeah, listen.

I'm just going to be honest with you.

I had to sleep in my car in the parking lot with my mother-in-law and my wife.

And I don't know if you folks had thrown away some of the food,

but I wanted to see if I could go into your dumpster and take out the food.

There's no food out there, baby.

We don't throw it away.

A preacher comes and picks it up and takes it for the homeless.

Who's the preacher?

He's from, what is his name?

Heights Christian Church?

Yeah, I don't know.

Did you give him sandwiches?

He made a deal.

Huh?

Did you give him sandwiches today?

I gave him everything I have left over.

Well, can I look, because people throw away, like, food, right?

Like, you put in the trash.

You don't give them the trash food.

I'm going to go through the dumpster when you guys go.

Just don't tell the manager, because I don't want to get you in trouble.

But, you know, anything you could do, wink, wink.

Well, just don't make a mess out there, okay?

All right.

I mean, don't call the cops on me.

I just want to go through the dumpster.

I want to look for food scraps and stuff.

Okay, babe.

All right.

Just don't make a mess.

I lost all my money to lottery tickets.

Oh, my goodness.

Just don't, um, don't play the lottery, please.

No, I don't play the lottery.

I lost all my money.

Have a good night.

Okay.

That's awesome.

She let him do it.

That's bullshit.

The first girl said the truth that they don't throw, I should have made a big deal about

that, but, yeah.

They give it to the pastor, Pastor Heights.

What a liar, right?

Breakfast served all day.

Country ham and egg, country ham and egg biscuits.

That sounds pretty good.

Cajun filet biscuit.

Sausage egg biscuit.

There you go.

This place is quite interesting.

They've got a Chicken Supreme dinner.

I'm going to take a look at their menu.

Hang on, let's check this out.

I'm going to have to make a trip out there tonight.

That's always good when Artie's here because he's always game for going out.

They've got some quite...

Their food looks pretty good here.

Bojangles.

It says they are expanding in Central Florida, which is where I'm at.

So it makes sense why they were...

Two-piece dinner with rice.

Now, that rice looks good, Milkman.

I'm telling you, Milkman, you should look for a place like this,

like a Bojangles or something like that out there.

There's got to be something out there that you can get to.

Look in that.

that. Every place has its own place. Gravy biscuits. Sounds good. Jelly biscuit. Plain

biscuits. Biscuits, biscuits, biscuits. Why am I talking so much about this? Maybe I'm

hungry. I'm going to get some more lentil beans. That's all I can have. Dieting. Waking

Bakes says, can't talk about food while I had the munchies. Yeah, man, I know the feeling

sucks. Here's something that really sucks. How about 420 coming this year and you're

on a diet? That's how bad my life is. I don't touch this stuff anyway. That was a

a different time, a different place. No more for

Carlito. Carlito's on a start now.

Ooh, they have dirty rice. Dirty

rice. What's that about, right?

I gotta call another...

Mr. Lonesome Loser, if you can find me another Bojangles

homie, because I really want to ask them

about this dirty rice. They got this

meal called Dirty Rice there.

It looks dirty. It looks like Chinese rice

but it's got big chunks of stuff in it.

They got the seasoned french fries like they do at Checkers

or Rally's, wherever you live.

Jesus Christ, am I talking about food.

You'd think I was high right now with the munchies.

Campbell's Hump Lodge coming up next, everybody.

The next prank call of the night.

Wrapping up the first segment in the show in just a moment.

Someone can let me know how soon Psychic Chuck is going to be kicking me off.

I'd like to at least have a warning.

Like sometimes where he just decides to kick me off and be rude.

Sucks I have to go up there at 12 o'clock doing Zinnikid, but...

I always miss Psychic Chuck.

Great Psychic Chuck.

Photoshopping a pic.

That's awesome.

I wish I had those kind of skills.

I can't Photoshop for shit.

Right back.

Hey, how you doing there, buddy?

Oh, pretty good.

Pretty good, man.

It's good to hear.

Do you guys take reservations still for spaces?

Do you guys have meals there for help?

Do you guys offer meals for people?

No.

You don't do any type of...

What are you talking about?

Oh, yeah.

All right, that's fine.

Is it safe?

Are there dirty people there?

Bad people?

Coloreds?

No, you're out in the country.

There's not a lot of coloreds there, right?

There aren't any people around there.

Okay.

I just wanted...

As long as there's not a lot of...

You know when sometimes the coloreds, they get together in a bus and they go to do a family reunion a lot?

And if you get into the hotel that has the colored family,

I swear to God, man, they're like 50 colored people.

And they're all the same.

They wear the same shirts.

It says, you know, it says, like, Williams Family Reunion.

All got the same shirt.

And they're just so loud and loud.

And they play the TV really loud.

And they sleep with the TV blasting.

Well, you don't have any neighbors here.

You're in a house all by yourself.

That's good.

I'm looking forward to that.

Do you have a kitchen machine?

It's furnished.

I'm saying, because it has a kitchen, I can go in there and make some omelets, right?

Yeah, country hams.

Why don't you come?

I mean, I'll invite you over for dinner if you want.

Do you stay far away from the house?

Yeah, I live 40 miles away.

Why don't you just come in and hang out?

I'll make you a nice ham.

You like hams?

Oh, yeah.

I take a ham, I pour two or three cans of Sprite on it, man, and you make it.

That's the best glaze you can put on a ham is a can of Sprite, man.

Oh, baby.

That's right.

Why don't you come?

You have an old lady?

Okay.

Why don't you come over?

You can meet my old lady.

I don't know.

Do you like to play board games?

No.

No?

Well, we can play other games, too.

What about...

Oh, yeah.

Do you feel uncomfortable, maybe, with my wife being naked?

She probably...

Your wife would be?

But if she...

What if she...

Would you feel uncomfortable with her getting...

Maybe getting naked all together, four of us?

We're nudist.

We're nudist people.

Oh.

You don't have...

Maybe you don't have to tell your wife if you don't want to.

I mean, would that be okay?

You can just do whatever you want to do there.

Okay, because we're naked about 90% of the time.

But we would like you folks to come over for snacks or maybe, like I said, a country ham.

But that's, I mean, you wouldn't feel, you said you wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

Well, are you inquiring for this place?

Yes, yes, I'm going to be in town on the weekend.

I'm coming in over the weekend.

My doctor said that I had to get away from this stressful city.

So I'm coming with my wife

But we're doing the nudist thing

We feel more comfortable

We're naked all the time in our home

And we can't sleep with clothes on

So that's how we're going to be

But I was taught that

When a man opens up his house to you

That you're supposed to offer him a meal

So I'm going to go ahead and cook us a country ham

And maybe you could come over

We can play cards

And dominoes, do you like dominoes?

Oh yeah

We can play dominoes together

but it's clothing optional, Domino's.

Maybe you should just come by yourself and meet my wife and me.

Yeah, we can do that, too.

We'll see.

When are you looking for a place?

We're going to be coming in.

We should be in town by tomorrow at this time.

Oh, well, it's booked week.

Well, when is it open again?

I'll see.

Probably about the middle of May.

Oh, jeez.

Is there any place around town that I could, you know, like a hotel maybe that's safe?

Not a lot of colors in it?

Yeah, Maduro would be a good place.

Well, how about you want to come over to Medora with us?

I mean, you can come over and we'll cook a meal.

Well, I'm awful busy.

I'm here.

I wouldn't be able to.

Can you send your wife out and we'll come over and get naked and cook a country ham?

I'd be interested.

I don't think she'd do that.

Well, we could send her out of town.

We'll send her for hams, and while she's gone, we'll get naked.

We'll get to see each other naked.

Where are you from?

We're from New York.

Tell you what, just check the motels in Medora.

But they don't let you, we can't get naked

aside, you know, at the hotel, the motel.

You can't, you know?

Well, I don't know.

I'll tell you what, how about this?

Here's what I'm going to do for you, okay?

This is my plan. I'm going to pay for you

to get a hotel, a nice hotel, the nicest

we can find, alright? And I want you

to take your wife out for a romantic

time, but then what we're going to do

is we're going to

book your house

so we can be naked inside the house.

I'll tell you what, good luck in finding a place.

Okay, thank you.

I'm sorry, I don't know, I ruined it.

I never do that, I never do that.

I'm always the consummate professional on the prank calls, but I lost it that time.

Damn it, I screwed it up.

That was just getting way too silly.

I think it was into it, though, for a while there.

Oh, man, I had a whole plan for that milkman.

I was going to book him a hotel, and I was going to send him out of town with his wife.

And then I was actually going to tell him

But to leave her sleeping at night

And to come over and we'd be naked

And of course I started laughing

So never mind

Once I'm a loser

I sent in a few more numbers here

That we haven't gotten to yet

Including Skippy's Route 66N

Camel's Home Plaza we already talked to

We got the Hump restaurant here also

And we still got that Spanish restaurant

There in San Diego

That should still be open

or just shutting down.

Also got the moon smoke shop.

Yeah, I wanted to mention,

yeah, we're going to do a show this Monday.

It'll be 420,

so we'll have to play that kind of music.

I don't think anybody's going to be awake at that early.

You never know.

It's too early.

Could do a show at 420 p.m.,

but I don't think so.

I think I got to be in class at 6.

I don't think we're going to drink beer or anything like that.

Why would I want to do that crap?

Hey, you guys have fun with it.

You know, I had my run.

It was fun while it lasted,

but I could totally see how that would be fun.

I don't understand why the whole 420 thing.

So many different explanations for it, but it is what it is.

Anywho, okay.

It was a reading of an odd comment there.

No, no, no, Milkman, that's not what it is.

Evil Artists has turned the Torfer line on.

It should be on, my friend.

Let me check it.

Torfer line is 1-888-278-8509.

It has to be on.

Dr. Leg, I'll call this from it.

I'm not blocking any numbers on it right now.

Now, let me go to the manager device here.

Oh, yes, we also have a prank call request that came in for a Best Buy.

I don't know what part of, you know, what part of the country it was.

What time zone it's in.

Might be too late to call it.

Let me take a look.

Okay.

From Somkin on AOL Messenger.

Somkin sent a request for a Best Buy.

We're supposed to prank call it as another Best Buy

and ask him for an item on the shelf.

Okay.

Problem is I don't see what area code.

Well, I got the area code here.

If anybody can help me out, what's area code 425?

Where is that at?

What was area code 425, I said.

Here's a little biz marquee.

We're going to give a call to that place.

We'll see if they're still open.

One moment.

Hey, what's going on? Who's this?

Hey, it's Outlaw, man.

Big Outlaw, what's going on, man?

Big Outlaw.

Yeah, I'm just chilling.

Great audio, Big Outlaw. How are you, man?

Hanging and chilling, man.

So what do I owe you an apology for?

Every time I'm just messed, I just do that to rile you up and mess with you.

I do that all the time.

I think you said something once that pissed me off about my show,

and I just keep joking with you about it.

I wasn't even serious.

I don't know. I think it was months ago.

I just kept this little secret private war with you.

You know what it was? I remember now.

Now, I went into, um, what was it?

I went into the chat room, and you were in there,

and I said, it'd be funny to do Pig Outlaw.

So I did, and you took, like, a really big offense to it.

Where you're like, motherfucker, for fun of who you are,

I'm gonna kill you, and this and that.

I was like, all right, fine.

So I kept calling you a jerk after that.

You don't remember that, do you?

You weren't under a molt name, right?

Yeah, I picked a molt that was Pig Outlaw,

and I went in there, and you got really picked up.

You, like, ticked off.

You didn't know it was me.

And you were, like, saying, like, the craziest shit.

And when I came in, you were still pissed off at me

when I admitted it.

So I was like,

all right, fine, jerk,

you know,

I was just messing with you

because you couldn't take it.

You know,

the thing was,

earlier, back late,

early in the syndicate days,

that's what Dino used to call me

and he still does.

He calls,

I was the,

what was it,

poker or pig,

that was what,

poker pig,

that's what it was.

That's dope.

So anyway.

Anyway, hey man.

I figured it was one of you fuckers

fucking with me or something.

Yeah,

and I was just messing with you.

I probably took a little too far.

I'm not really,

I don't have any beef with you, man.

You're good people.

Well, you've called in a lot.

You're friends with the Zolar guy.

We're good.

Yeah, man.

Anyway, we've got a big party up in A.C. coming up next month, right?

Yeah, on Saturday, May 23rd.

It looks like probably I'm going to look into the Tropicana.

Dr. Lego said he might be able to get us a decent rate there for a nice-sized room

so we can all hang out for a while, do a show together, and then go out and party.

Have a good time.

I might come up and hang out with you guys.

Awesome.

I've got to get up with you after, you know, when we're not on air and everything.

I'll probably come up and do that, man.

Cool.

Good deal, man.

And mark it down, May 23rd.

It's starting to shape up to something fun.

So I'm looking forward to it.

Don't forget.

I've got to post those details in the forums of Syndicate and on my website, too.

Get a big number of people.

There's a lot of people that listen to the show and listen and watch Syndicate, you know, that are in the area.

Not in the area, but they're in a relative distance.

Where are you, by the way?

You're in that part of the...

Well, I'm in Charlotte, North Carolina, but I can get up there.

Okay,

cool. That'd be awesome, man.

Awesome.

You want to do a prank call?

Oh, man, I'm not in a prank call mood tonight.

Well, I'll tell you what.

If you don't want to, just stay in the background real quick

and just comment on it at the end.

We're going to call.

This one is in area code 425, which according to my recollection here,

I just had it a second ago, it's a Best Buy.

And someone sent this in.

Someone told us it's where they work, apparently.

So they wanted us to prank call the work.

They were going to be at work tonight.

So let's go ahead and do that before they close.

This is going to be the Best Buy in Seattle, Washington.

And feel free to stay in the background jumping if you feel the need, all right?

All right, I'll stay quiet.

Cool.

Are you going to shave that shit before the wedding?

Shave what shit?

What are you talking about?

Hello, look, man.

Tell me what you're talking about.

Yeah, man.

Are you going to shave that shit before the wedding?

What are you talking about?

Your face, man.

Looks like it's stuck in a G.I. Joe box.

Oh, yeah, I've got to.

Like, Athena had this brilliant plan.

She's like, oh, yeah, you know, I don't want to look like I'm marrying a 15-year-old,

so I want you to have some facial hair.

But I just, I've been doing it, but I know I'm going to shave it as soon as the, you know, the week before the wedding I'm going to shave it.

Not the week, actually two days before I'm going to shave it all.

Do it before the wedding a few days so your face, the redness will go away and the dryness.

Because I'm telling you, when you look at these pictures in 20 years, you're going to be laughing like, oh my God.

Yeah, I'm going to, yeah, I was.

I can't believe I did that.

Fuck.

This number doesn't want to dial.

I'm in trouble with the phone here.

Anyway, that's just my, that's my advice.

I'm not telling you what to do.

No, Milkman, here, listen.

Listen, we lost Big Outlaw.

Big Outlaw, I'm sorry.

Wedding is once in a lifetime, and then pictures are once in a lifetime.

You can always grow that shit later, you know.

Right.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

Definitely, I was telling Athena, you know, I had an honest conversation.

I said, hey, Athena, look, really, to be honest with you, I look at my dad's and my mom,

my parents' wedding pictures, and my dad had, like, the Tom Jones, you know, chops,

you know, the sideburns coming all the way down, the Elvis-looking stuff.

Yeah.

And to this day, it just looks so embarrassing.

and i was like i was like athena honey i just don't i don't look at a wedding picture so look

at that asshole with the fucking goatee so no um what i'm doing a milkman you know as as the groom

as as the husband to be i am supposed to get you guys the the guys in the bridal party i'm supposed

to get you guys a gift right so i decided what i'm going to do is we're all going to go out for

uh shaves and you know go to an actual barber shop and get hot shaves and and get all hair

or cut it up, you know, get it done really nice.

I've never had, like, a barbershop shave.

Have you ever had that before?

I hear that's the best way to get a shave is you get a,

go to an old-style barbershop and get, like, a hot shave, right?

Dude, I've never done it, man, but they say them hot towels is really good.

Yeah, opens up the pores.

Yeah, bringing it out, and you get a real close shave.

Right, it opens the pores.

So we're going to do that.

That's on me, Milkman, all right?

We're going to go out, we're going to do that.

That's on me, and for the rest of the guys in the bridal party, yeah.

In the bridal party

Yeah

Well on the wedding party

I'm saying

Whoa

Yeah

So yeah

I thought that'd be cool

And they were

And they will all go out

For drinks after that

Dude

And then

And it's awesome

And then the 23rd

Saturday before that

That's a party show

Hey what's going on

Crazy fucker

Are you crazy fucker

Who is this he's playing

This sounds familiar

Who is this guy

Crazy fucker

Who is the guy you're playing

This is freaking me out

Call back when you want to talk

Crazy fucker

I gotta take the message from you

But not from a recording

Not from a soundboard

not from a

conspiracist

soundboard

oh man

crazy fucker

has created

a conspiracy

theory soundboard

apparently

I want to mention

the crazy fucker

he's quite popular

at work

I was replaying

one of my old

episodes over the

weekend

and it had one of

those 30 minute

tirades of me

and crazy fucker

talking about

every single

truth

quote unquote

out there

according to him

and they were like

dude this guy's crazy

you know

these people

I played it for

some other guys

they're like

dude that's

That's awesome.

I'm thinking about starting to take Crazy Fucker's old audio

and make it a special show,

or just releasing his calls to the show.

Oh, dude.

I don't know, we're just crazy, man.

You'd have a several-hour-long show, man,

but that guy doesn't know when to stop.

It'll be good, but we need to get permission from him,

but the guy just called in,

and he just wants to play with his computer.

I guess he got a new Dell something.

My box finally came in for me to send my Dell laptop back,

this one over here, this motherfucker that doesn't want to charge.

Damn it.

I wish I knew how to turn off the ringer on this fucker.

Jeez.

Madhouse Radio.

Jonathan, how are you, sir?

What's up, Carlito?

I'm doing good.

How are you, buddy?

Good, thanks.

You know, I've been working for the whole weekend.

Oh, really?

The whole weekend?

You got a field trip or what's going on?

No, I'm working with a disabled client this weekend.

Okay.

Is there good money in that?

Do you get overtime or is it a separate job?

You just get paid regular time?

I get paid regular time.

Okay.

Cool.

But it sounds pretty easy.

You know, just driving them around.

Where do you got to take them to, like, are they going on a trip or something?

What's the deal?

Basically, just make sure they're okay for the whole day and stuff like that.

If they want it somewhere, like, if they want to go to Walmart or somewhere,

I'll have a vehicle with a lift on it and stuff.

So you'll be in charge of getting them from point A to point B,

whatever they got to do for day-to-day stuff?

Yeah.

That's awesome, but you don't use the international for that, right?

Is it like a different bus that you use, like a smaller short bus?

That's a smaller blue and white champion bus.

Oh, wow, man.

I've got to look into those different brands.

What's the nicest kind of bus that you know of?

You're in the industry.

How long have you been bussing around for?

For a while.

Best buses there is, compared to the Bluebirds and International,

I would go with the International.

International?

I don't know the Internationals.

But those are just school buses, right?

They don't make charter buses out of those, right?

They can.

They can?

Hmm.

I don't know.

I know.

Now, what about these party buses?

Are they legal?

Do they have those where you live?

Have you ever thought about doing those?

I know I've mentioned that before,

but party buses sound fun,

but I don't know how it's legal

to be drinking while you're on the road.

I mean, is it...

Well, we've got one of them.

It's in the...

...for maintenance.

Get a new air brake system put on it.

Oh, crap.

All right.

Yeah, one day I'm going to go on a party bus.

I think, you know,

that'd be funny to do for the...

I wish you...

I don't know.

You probably can't make it for that show, right?

It's too far for you.

You're closer to me here in Orlando.

Orlando, Atlantic City, New Jersey, my friend.

Yeah, that's a little too far for me.

Yeah, well, and then the funny, the crappy thing is you're going to be in town,

but I'm going to still be out, you know, after that.

That's going to be after my whole, my vacation that I'm taking is starting in May.

When are you starting?

I'm going to be back on the third week of June, actually, right before my birthday.

We're going to be back right in time for the anniversary show, basically.

Cool.

Yeah, so we're going to have to take a one-month hiatus.

I don't know how we're going to do that Milkman.

Maybe we can get somebody, maybe it can edit four or five shows

and get someone to play them for us on the Madhouse stream.

Maybe we get someone to take that responsibility.

I don't know who.

I don't know, you know, the only people that I know have that ability are Jin, Zolar,

maybe Ted could do it, I don't know.

We'll have to see.

We've got to make some plans.

We've got to put the Madhouse on autopilot for a month.

We can't lose our listeners and our sponsors, you know what I mean?

Jonathan, how would you feel?

Hopefully y'all can do it on his regular site.

and Dino

can work something out

on something like that.

Right, yeah.

So maybe someone

could either stream it

for us on Syndicate

or auto-DJ it

or something like that.

Upload it to something.

Something we could do.

Because I'll make

the four episodes

ahead of time.

I'll make four best of

and I'll have them

always in the pipe.

You never know

when you need a best of.

Instead of nights

when I can't make the show,

instead of doing that

I can play a best of.

We've got plenty

of material for that.

But yeah, Jonathan,

be looking at also

the Madhouse Live chat room

is going to be

changing soon

and so has

the other website.

Maybe I can

get in there.

We're going to

keep the same

but we're going

to use a new

plug-in for it.

It's going to

look a lot nicer

and a lot better

on our website.

I'm going to

change the whole

website, the whole

structure of it.

Every year and a

half, two years

I do this,

I make a reset

of the website.

It's going to

be Madhouse 3.0

now.

Have you ever

used that new

browser called

Google Chrome?

Oh yeah, I'm

using it right now.

I use it all

the time, buddy.

I just started

using it today

and I actually

like it.

Enjoy it, man.

It's a great browser.

It has some compatibility issues,

but a lot of it's really cool.

I love Google Chrome.

Yeah.

I didn't get it when it first came out,

but, let's see, Emmy Rose referred it to me.

Yeah, definitely.

She knows her stuff.

Enjoy it, man.

If you have any questions, ask me about it.

I know all the tricks to it, all right?

All righty.

All right, man.

I'll go ahead and let y'all go

because I've got to finish getting ready for work and stuff.

Okay, man.

When you get ready for work, it's good talking to you.

I'll talk to you next week.

All right, Jonathan?

All righty.

All right, buddy.

Take care now.

All right.

Bye-bye.

All right.

That's Jonathan, everybody.

Yeah, Google Chrome, good browser.

Milkman, I think you said you use it also.

I love it.

I'm using it right now.

I'm pushing buttons right now in Google Chrome.

Listen.

That was Google Chrome right there.

I got my soundboard open in it on the side.

Yo.

All right.

How about we take that break?

It's 12 o'clock.

It's Friday already unofficially.

Well, it's the weekend unofficially, rather.

It is Friday.

We made it.

Friday is the slacker day, so slack away.

way why don't you when we come back we'll have more prank calls of course don't forget news

articles from kokanee oh yes i did want to mention here breaking news breaking news i keep forgetting

to mention it it's a note to jonathan and lonesome loser and everybody else out there

new new i meant to say that jonathan um i have international phone card i got 50 minutes worth

of calls international so let's call the uk why don't we let's get some numbers in the uk we do

some international prank calls when we get back to um if i get the status of syndicate if uh

If someone needs to go on at midnight, let me know.

If not, we're going to go into extra innings there.

I don't see Chuck anywhere.

I see Chuck O'Fett, but not Charlie Chan.

Anyway, when we come back, more prank calls, more of your calls, and a lot more stuff.

Don't go anywhere.

Please, again, visit me over at madhouselive.com.

Madhouselive.com is the website, Madhouse Radio, for AOL and Yahoo Instant Messengers.

Also, please be sure to bookmark and watch us over at syndicateradio.tv.

All right, we'll be racking about this break.

to be honest let me look i usually you do a lot better with this but we've had long breaks lately

but i gotta handle something i gotta make a nice sandwich um when we get back we're gonna um be

back in about six minutes sorry right back after this thank you for listening madhouse radio yeah

we'll be back right after this yes hi i'll have to make a reservation please as soon as possible

but we have to get through some stuff first before we do that okay what was that no why ask if you

He can put you on hold and just throw you on hold.

That's an ass.

Just at least wait for me to say yes.

When she comes back, I'll tell her no means no.

Okay, you're trying to make a reservation.

You need to call back between the hours of 7 a.m.

First of all, it is not okay for you to place me on hold.

Like, you didn't even let me answer the question.

Like, what did you say to me last?

What was the last thing you said to me before you put me on hold?

I said, can you hold just a moment?

And then did I get to answer, or did you just throw me on hold?

I didn't know if you answered or not.

So you didn't pay attention for my answer.

Why did you ask?

Why didn't you just say I'm going to put you on hold?

Why wouldn't you just do that?

Sorry about putting you on hold.

Well, no, it's okay.

You could have put me on hold.

I think you know what you really need to apologize.

It's for not caring about what my feelings were about you placing me on hold

and just putting me on hold and making assumptions.

Don't they teach you that you're supposed to wait for the answer?

Like, what if I would have said, no, I don't want you to put me on hold?

What were you going to do?

Okay.

Because it wasn't okay.

I didn't want to be put on hold.

I'd like to hear you talk in the background.

Okay.

So I think you should make up for it.

Give me a reservation.

Okay. I'm sorry for putting you on hold.

Okay. What else are you sorry for?

For reservations, you have to call between the hours of 7 a.m. and 4 p.m. to speak with reservations.

I want you to apologize about that, too.

Okay. For what am I apologizing for? I can't make your reservations right now because we have a reservations department.

Yeah, please.

That is here between 7 a.m. and 4 p.m.

Apologize for all that.

Okay. I'm sorry that I'm not able at the moment to make the reservations for you because reservations is normally here between hours of 7 a.m. and 4 p.m.

Okay. What's your name?

My name is Shabana.

I want you to apologize for that, too.

You want me to apologize for my name?

Yeah.

Is there something I can help you with, sir?

Reservations.

Okay, reservations is here between the hours of 7 a.m. and 4 p.m.

I can hold.

Do you want to hold until 7 a.m.?

If that's okay with you.

No, it's not because I have to hold.

Well, wait a minute.

When you asked me if you could put me on hold, you didn't have any consideration for my feelings.

Would you like to speak with a supervisor or someone else?

Unfortunately, I'm not the one that's helping you at the moment.

Obviously not.

Obviously, you know, is this a man I'm going to talk to?

I'm helping you to the best of my ability right now, and unfortunately, I can't...

Please don't interrupt me.

Please apologize for interrupting me.

We lost a patient.

Please place a call.

Call back and tell her she didn't get permission to hang up on me.

Good evening.

Yeah, may I speak with your Shaquanda, please?

Shaquanda?

Mm-hmm.

Sorry, there's no Shaquanda here.

Is there a black girl there with a name that starts with S-H-A?

Yes.

She hung up the phone without permission.

I'd like to talk to her again, please.

Oh, no.

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to your recorded call...

They're just hanging up now.

I'll try one more.

I'm down to eight minutes.

I'm probably down to seven minutes down the phone card.

Thank you for calling me.

Yes, I've been hung on bottom twice there, and I require to speak to a supervisor, please.

Absolutely.

I'll transfer you.

Mrs. Shaquanda?

It's better not take it.

I only got eight minutes, seven minutes left now.

Do you mind holding?

No.

Oh, wait.

I meant to say yes.

Damn it.

She got me.

She tricked me.

Thank you for calling.

Look, I can't wait all night for you to put me through to people.

I only have about six minutes left on my phone card now, so you need to make it fast.

Okay, I can give you the number you can call.

And I said no.

When you asked me if I could hold him in, I said no, and you still put me on hold again.

Can you please apologize?

Okay, in order for me to transfer you, I have to put you on hold.

So if you don't want to hold, I can give you another number to call.

If you don't want the other number to call, you can't make reservations.

Well, tell the person to come to the phone that I need to talk to, the supervisor, because I'm making...

They're at another hotel.

I'm making a complaint about you because you hung up the phone and you said bad words.

Oh, I said bad words?

What bad words did I say?

You know what you said when you hung up the phone.

I heard it.

What did I say?

I don't repeat those words.

I'm a Christian.

I don't repeat.

Sir.

You must enjoy talking.

I'm a Christian and I don't curse.

And you're being really rude right now.

You said a bad word.

I have a person in front of me.

You know what?

I'm going to tell you some really bad words in about five seconds and lose my religion.

So do you want to make reservations or not?

I want you to apologize for the bad words that you said.

I'm not apologizing.

I'm not apologizing for anything.

Because you're horrible.

You're a horrible person.

Okay.

Okay, I'm so glad you think I'm so horrible and hell's going to freeze over eventually.

God's going to come down and kill me.

But how can I help you?

It's bullshit.

Yeah.

Put me through to the manager right now.

Place a call.

Press 1.

Yes, I'm sorry.

I hung up on accident.

Can I please speak to Saquanda again?

Saquanda has gone across the street to the hotel.

Who's this?

This is another worker.

What's her name?

I choose not to give you that information.

You're required to tell me.

This is the Christian woman again, isn't it?

Why?

I'm not required to give you anything.

You're the Christian woman.

You know, if you take a look at the permits on your wall, you're required to give me what information I call because you...

We don't have any permits on our wall.

Because you...

Oh, so when I have a hotel, there's not a permit on the door when I close the door?

There's none.

Because you're required to have it on there, so you must have fire hazards there and you try to cover it up.

Oh, really?

This is the...

I'm going to let you know right now.

Every time you call me, I'm going to hang up on you.

You're the nasty Christian bitch who hangs up the phone.

To place a call, press 1.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking penis dicks!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Call in toll-free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Madhouse Radio, segment 2, 1221 a.m. Friday, the 17th, over here on the East Coast.

On the West Coast, it is still 9.21 p.m. on Thursday, losers.

We still got two days left to the weekend.

We only got one milkman.

You suck.

Thank you.

We're going to be calling the U.K. up next.

A lot of numbers coming in here from Lonesome Loser.

Barbara Holmes, Nicola Johnstone, Jeffrey Johnstone, Simon Potter, and Nigel Williams all here on deck.

We're going to be using Google Voice for the first time.

On Google Voice, we got a free $1 credit that should equal 50 minutes worth of U.K. calls.

I have a whole list of the actual rates.

It's only open to old Grand Central people like me so far.

It's any day now they're going to open it up to everybody else.

I'll get you invites if they're not for free.

Anyway, there's a lot of countries we can call here that aren't too much.

Argentina is $0.03 a minute.

I'm looking for the $0.02 ones.

Canada's $0.01 a minute.

Czech Republic is 3 cents

I'm telling you everything that's 3 cents and less

Denmark is 2 cents

Estonia is 3 cents

that's not too bad

we can call France for 2 cents a minute

5 cents a minute

that's a little too much for Finland

Georgia, the country of Georgia

6 cents a minute

4 cents a minute to Guadalupe

I think that's an island, right?

Milkman, I'm not sure, you might know

you were from that part of the country, or the world rather, for a while

two cents a minute to hungary here we go two cents a minute to hong kong we should call hong

kong that'd be kind of cool i think we've called them before but that'd be kind of cool

no no no you call english english-speaking places in hong kong it's it's a former british

protectorate man they speak english there quite a bit italy's two cents a minute japan is three

cents a minute we call japan a lot though south korea we've never called them before they're

three cents a minute so we're gonna start calling these countries here from now on we're gonna stick

to uh the two cent a minute ones now malaysia three cents a minute mexico guadalajara two cents

a minute mexico city's two cents a minute okay anyway i'm at owes now we kind of call i wonder

how much it costs to call iran let's see iran 11 cents a minute yeah we could do that puerto

rico's two cents a minute that's a ripoff i get that for free on my comcast phone anyway enough

of that we already have numbers uh in england so let's do that barbara holmes is first waking up

the uk the uk it's uh 5 24 a.m over there right now so this would be interesting let's wake them

up because we got more numbers where that came from let's continue

nicola johnstone

i'll tell you what the calls to the it spoofs the numbers as the um the the 4594534 the one

that we use for our prank calls,

call the United States for free.

So we might not even need phone cards anymore.

If those calls are free, matter of fact,

that's awesome.

Works on the phone, it doesn't work on the computer.

They're not answering here either, bastards.

All right, something's got to stick.

We're going to call Jeffrey Johnstone in the same city.

Say what?

Hands up in the air.

Good morning, mother.

This is Johnstone from the United States.

I need to speak with Jonathan, please.

Is this Miss Johnstone?

You know, it's half past five in the morning.

I understand.

You should be up by now.

Now, I just wanted to ask you a question.

I was coming into town.

I'm looking for the Association of Johnstones.

I'm a Johnstone.

I need to get some repair work on my rings.

Johnstone?

Hello?

Jeffrey?

Hello?

Hey, brother.

How you doing, sir?

I'm very well, thank you.

What are you ringing me this time of the morning for?

I need you to come repair my jewelry, please.

The jewelry that you people misplaced and damaged.

No, I don't know what you're talking about.

Johnstone Jewelry in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

You guys ruined my stuff.

I'm calling you to collect it.

No, this is not in Pennsylvania.

Well, I'm in Pennsylvania, and you people ruined my stupid jewelry.

Your company ruined my jewelry.

The Johnstone jerks.

No, no, sorry.

Who is this?

Is this Mr. Johnstone or not?

Is this Mr. Johnstone?

Yes.

You bastard, it's your company.

You people ruined my jewelry.

You come over here.

You call them right now.

I'm going to put them on the phone.

You tell them to fix the jewelry right now.

You're given the order.

Hey, jerk.

Jerk.

He did sound nice.

They get upset sometimes.

Not in Sussex.

No, in Scotland.

That's another story.

I wonder how much it costs to call Scotland.

Speaking of which, Milkman, did you get those emails with the voicemails that I left you

from the guy who's a Jim Noble, the guy that you've been having us prank call for the last few weeks?

He left us a few on you.

Oh, no, I haven't got them.

I can look for them, man.

Look in your G-taw in your Gmail.

Oh, yeah, that was weird, dude.

Yeah, his voice.

Yeah, here's one.

Yeah, I did, man.

It didn't sound like it was his voice, though.

It sounded like a computer voice, like he was typing in a computer somewhere

and just have it read stuff out.

Listen to this.

That's an awful old message

You're going to have to take that off

It's been a pleasure being

Associated with you

Jackass

For those who are wondering what we're doing

I'm sorry to interrupt

We are playing a voicemail

These are basically people calling us back

After prank calls that we do

Whenever we play these

They call back and leave us voicemails

Thinking that they're calling a business

And they hear my voice

And it's like

I tell them I'm Jack Valenti

When I prank call them

They call back and they see

I'm calling Valenti and Associates

etc so anyway so this guy is

calling back upset that I prank called him a few weeks

ago he's still going off I mean this is about

a month and a half at this point since it started it first

happened and he still calls me he called

this is a number he called here

this call from him was 745

a.m. on April 11th so

do the math I don't know that

was on a Monday at 745

on a Sunday morning at 745

a.m. he called upset I think I think that's a Sunday

Saturday Sunday no Tuesday Tuesday

morning 745 anyway here's the rest

it won't be long now this is the last day you'll be able to call me back and you know where to do

that don't you stupid now

One of these days, somebody's going to run over you

and they're going to turn around and laugh.

You never know, buddy.

It might be me.

I'm sure you've irritated enough other people

They're looking for you too

That you can't hide forever

Like I said, buddy

I'm about two blocks from you

Because this phone has one area code

Doesn't mean it's not a cell phone

See you here before long

You won't see me

Have a good life

Throughout however long that may be

Enjoy every minute

I intend to

Per minute

You heard him

Enjoy every minute

That's what we're doing now

Simon Potter

He's full of shit

He's talking about getting back together with Anita too

They know that, you know

If we call back, I want to make sure we tell him the need is just trying to trick him.

As soon as his time is up, should I say brother?

She admitted that the guy from Florida was a friend of his daughter's, too.

Oh, really? That's funny.

Here he tells me to watch my back.

He talks really low sometimes, but it's funny shit.

Let's see this one.

What a jerk.

What an asshole.

You really expect people to believe that?

You must really be stupid.

You left that one during our last show.

during our last show

930

well the last time

we called him

two shows ago

he left that one

over there

you're stupid

did you get a

transcription of it too

yeah it didn't

ever work right

anyway

okay coming up next

we're going to try

Nigel Williams

oh look

the phone is ringing

how you doing

how you doing man

watching my best card

you gotta get a

watch my best

yeah you gotta

watch your front

your front's warm

putting on your back

you could lose your back

a man can either

watch his crack

or his nut sack

his crack

Unless he has a bunch of mirrors surrounding him, then he can watch it all, right?

Yeah, nobody can do that, man.

It's too much to look at at one time and get confused and get hurt.

Where have you been, stranger?

I haven't heard from you in a while since you had that crazy drunk night

where you kept calling in drunk between every prank call.

I've never been drunk in my life.

Yeah.

Hey, listen, but I've been listening every week you've been on

and called in my support in case you need the Madhouse Militia to gather

and sort out all I'm using.

That's right.

We might need help.

We're getting a lot of help now.

We've got someone helping out with the Facebook.

Hollywood Vanya is helping out with the pranks when he can.

I'm doing the same.

We've got a lot of work that needs to be done.

But slowly but surely, this show is growing, man.

The Man House radio product is getting out there.

Well, of course it is, man.

And you know what?

I've made arrangements.

Like, while you're on your honeymoon,

Evil Artie is going to house fit for you.

Oh, great.

Yes, I can't wait for that.

I can't wait for him to complete.

You know those houses, man, that they get boarded up because they have like 50,000 cats inside them

and it's like piles and piles of shit?

That's what he'd do to my house in a week.

Well, he would destroy it.

Like, there would be so many feces in it.

Oh, man, that guy.

No, we've already made arrangements for the U-Haul to haul.

Don't worry.

While you're on your honeymoon, Evil Artie is going to be house-sitting for you.

Okay, great.

I can't wait for that.

I can't wait for the aftermath of that, I should say.

You know, I know you've offered him $1,000 for you,

but he says, Carlito is such a good brother of mine,

he says, I can only take $500.

Okay, cool.

Well, that's not bad at all.

$500, that's a lot for the kind of damage he's going to put in here.

He should pay me to stay here, get away from his mom.

Hey, how's Milkman? How are you doing there, Milkman?

He's good. Milkman, he can hear you. You can't hear him, but he's doing good.

You know, it's like, and you're doing all right?

Me, Carlito? Yeah, man, just getting ready.

You know, I've got finals coming up in school, final time.

What the hell exactly do you study there, Carlito, if I may ask?

I've never figured that out.

You know what? It's kind of a secret. I can't talk about it.

Yeah, all right.

But, hey, it's good to hear it.

You said earlier you was eating some lentil soup or something?

Yeah, lentils.

You know what I do, dude?

I boil them down with malt vinegar and garlic powder and a little bit of salt.

Oh, dude, that's wonderful, man.

You know what?

You remember about a month ago your show where you had that horrible pain in your lower back?

Yeah, man.

I remember that.

You know what all that is?

That's an accumulation of all the toxic crap they put in the processed foods, man.

I'm telling you, avoid anything with monosodium glutamate in it.

Really?

Monosodium glutamate?

What does it do?

Oh, monosodium glutamate, dude.

I challenge you, dude.

If you don't believe me, go out and buy a can of processed food, like a can of chili

that says any product that's got monosodium glutamate in it, and then you eat it, and

And I'll bet you a dollar to a donut, man, that within fucking 15 minutes after you ingest that product

that has monosodium glutamate in it, that you either get a horrible headache or you get bad heart palpitations.

I mean, it's a toxic fucking poison, man.

What do they put in food to preserve it? Is that what they put in there?

No, man, because these motherfuckers, they're trying to kill off 90% of us, man.

You think that's what it is?

They're poisoning us slowly.

They're trying to kill off 90% of us.

Yeah, yeah.

They're keeping us...

Monosodium glutamate is a toxic poison.

It'll eat holes in your fucking brain.

Little children...

Why do you think...

Man, when I was a little kid,

autism and all that shit was unheard of.

Oh, crazy fucker.

Hang on.

I hate to interrupt you,

but in your hiatus,

I don't know if you know...

You remember our old co-host, Andy?

You know, he calls in every once in a while.

Yeah, Andy.

All right.

Andy said he heard you on some podcast.

Alex Jones podcast, I think it was.

Whose was it?

He said you called into somebody's radio show and he heard you on the air and he was cracking up.

He said, oh, my God, that's crazy fucker.

This was like about two months ago or something like that.

Well, I would like to say that you and all your listeners, man, should listen to Alex Jones' show.

And he's got a guy on that's named Jason Burmas.

And, man, this cat is a heavy-duty dude, man.

He goes down there, and he confronts dudes like Rockefeller, gets in their face.

He's been arrested several times.

And he's on from, like, on Central Coast time, 7 to 10 p.m., Monday through Friday,

on InfoWars, on Prison Planet TV.

And that's all you've got to Google in is just InfoWars, man.

And I'll tell you what, he goes down there and confronts the people that's trying to fucking bring this country down.

You know, the rich scum, the rich fucking scum.

That's Alex Jones, yeah, I've heard good things about him.

And then there's some other, I guess Chuck Norris is really into this kind of stuff too now?

Yeah, Chuck Norris, man, is like, I guess old Chuck Norris there, he's going to run for the governor of Texas.

He's running for the governor of Texas, but he's an occasional guest now on Alex Jones' show.

There's a lot of celebrities that support Alex Jones, but they're afraid.

I read an article today that the current governor of Texas keeps mentioning about the ability of Texas to secede from the union, he said.

He said that Texas on its own right now is doing fine economically, that the rest of the country is bringing it down.

And he said that in a Texas constitution that they can legally secede from the union if they wanted to.

And you think about things getting so bad that I could see that happen.

I could see, you know, a new civil war starting up or some type of new revolt or something.

It's kind of scary to think about it, but maybe I think the people are, you know, I mean.

You're damn right, dude.

If there's another Alamo, I'll go down there and support it.

You're going to go support the new Alamo?

Holy crap.

Yeah, you remember the Battle of the Alamo?

Oh, yeah.

Heck, yeah.

Santa Ana attacked Davy Crockett and the other white guy, General Houston.

Houston.

No, Houston was out.

Houston was gone.

Now, you know about the border towns down there on the border down there in Texas, man.

It's hell on earth down there.

There's like fucking warfare.

There's bodies.

Bodies are like all the way, even down in Tijuana.

Dude, did you hear about all them people down in Tijuana?

They've been fighting with their heads chopped off down there.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I've heard.

You know, the drug cartels.

Yeah, that's right.

And Ciudad Juarez is really bad right now, too, I understand.

Oh, man.

Juarez, I think, or, yeah.

What's a big town that's close to Texas, close to Houston?

Is it that one big...

Well, there's, like, El Paso.

That's down on the border there.

Right.

That shit's jumping off there, dude.

Man, I'm telling you.

And it's so bad.

You know what?

Now, illegal aliens in the state of California that are coming up across the border,

Now what they're doing is they're starting fires.

They're burning up ranch lands down around the border all the way from, like, San Ysidro on east.

And they, like, they start forest fires.

And then while the people are fighting the forest fires, they're, like, 50 miles down the road bringing in another 10,000 fucking illegal aliens.

and a bunch of drugs, I'm sure, a bunch of pot and cocaine.

And most of the methamphetamine now is being manufactured down there in fucking Mexico.

And it's being shipped up.

Dude, it's warfare against our country.

It really is.

It got too hot in the United States.

A lot of people were doing it here in the States.

Is this too hot?

Too many restrictions?

Right.

You can only buy so much of this?

Well, it was like they cracked down on the Fetterin that they base it on.

But you can get that shit by the boxcar load down in Tijuana or anywhere down there.

If you want to know something crazy, I was sick, dude, and whatever shit they put in there and the Santa stuff now doesn't do crap for me, all right?

It gives me 10 seconds of relief, and after that, 10 minutes of relief, and after that, I'm all stuffed up again.

You know it took me a good 15 to 20 minutes to go to Walgreens, stand in line, ask for the good stuff, sit there.

there. She had the, you know, behind the counter, and she got the one I wanted, had me sign

paperwork, had me show my ID, tell me, explain all this crap to me, and then finally put

my, you know, my charge through. I pay with cash. I wasn't going to pay with a card, because

I don't want, you know, you know someone's looking at that paper trail. They don't need

to have my card number, you know. But, dude, that's crazy. It's fucking insane that, you

know, you have to go through so many hoops just to get decent medication, you know, for

for your sinuses because of this methamphetamine shit.

You know what?

Okay, Carlito, my suggestion to you would be instead of going to Walgreens

and buying some fucking toxic chemical shit that you think is giving you immediate relief,

you can elevate, you can get rid of your condition altogether if you, like, switch over to, like, cayenne pepper, man.

Cayenne pepper, put that in your diet.

Capsaicin.

Go down to your local health food store and buy the strongest BTU units, the heat units that you can buy, like 90,000 of cayenne pepper, man.

And I'll tell you, by turmeric, by oregano, by the natural things that nature created as our medicine,

the divine great spirit that people call God is actually the force that we are living in

and that created everything that we need to be healthy and happy around us, man.

And these dirty motherfuckers have taken it and perverted it and made you get a prescription for it.

And it actually, while it alleviates one thing, it actually causes ten times more problems.

It's a vicious cycle.

Crazy for, I've got to get to my prime calls, man.

But thanks for calling in.

Love, peace, and joy to you and our six billion brothers and sisters on the planet Earth.

and don't let them suck you down

in the vortex of fear, greed, and hate

where you go to war.

Do another as you have others do unto you

and you'll always get by.

All right, love.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you, Carlito.

See you, man.

Bye.

Crazy fucker.

Crazy fucker, I said.

Oh, my God.

Interesting man.

Crazy fucker.

Yeah.

He's quite good at not going too crazy now.

Maybe he's back on the wagon, it sounds like.

That'd be good.

I think he must have settled down.

He doesn't sound too hammered tonight.

No, not too bad at all.

Yes, sir.

How are you, Evelardi?

Hello, Mr. Soil.

How are you?

I will take that offer for $500.

That's it.

You're going to house it?

No, you literally will sit on my house and it will collapse.

No, I'll invite you to come over and we'll eat your kitties.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, you will, would you?

You could get some of that sauce to deep fry my cats.

No, our cats, they're not going to be at the house.

They're going to be boarded up in a pet boarding facility.

In a dog and cat hotel, as a matter of fact.

Yeah, they call it a fucking hotel.

They stay in a cage all day.

Yeah, but they let them out.

It's nice and padded.

You know, they get to play.

So what's been up with you quickly here?

I'm going to get to some prank calls.

Do you want to stay in the line for one?

You got to be quick.

You got to hung up on.

That's even quicker.

All right, cool.

Do you have a...

I'm going to call the UK.

You want to call Britain?

I'm calling the United Kingdom of Britain.

Herm Rose Cottage Bed and Breakfast.

You ready?

Get my voice over here, my Google voice.

I'm going to play my song.

Evil Artie, Carlito.

Mr. Google.

Frank Collin.

I'll open this one up, okay?

Yes, sir.

We'll lead you in.

You will follow.

What?

We can't do calls if you're on the line.

I'd have to, yeah, we can't do, you can't be calling in and doing an international call.

So we've got to call the United States.

That's fine.

That's all right.

Oh, we've got a number in Scotland, too.

Look at that.

Are you on Skype?

You should dial us in on Skype.

You've got the Skype, you jerk.

No, I don't like to connect my headphones.

Nah, all right.

Well, no prank call then.

It's not going to work.

Let's call the U.S. number.

Nah, I don't have anything in the U.S.

You tell me.

You got anything?

Here, we got another Bojangles.

We got another Bojangles.

You want to call them?

What's Bojangles?

It's this new chicken place.

They've been in Alabama and stuff like that for a while.

They just came to Orlando.

Oh, Alabama.

Yeah, but they're in Orlando now.

It's good stuff.

Well, this one's in Orlando?

Well, this one is in Alabama.

They're open now.

Athens.

Perfect.

All right, you ready?

Perfect.

All right, Bojangles.

They've got all-day breakfast.

There you go.

It's something to work with.

Okay, I just don't think it's going to work out tonight between me and you.

I don't know.

I'll tell you, maybe next week.

Maybe Monday, 420.

You going to be around?

Yeah.

No, no, last time I thought you weren't doing Monday shows anymore.

I did one this Monday, motherfucker.

That's my time.

Yeah, and I get up and there's a fucking Yahoo message.

Not anymore.

Damn, I should have gone to bed earlier.

Yes, you should have.

Well, this week I'm going to do a show in the morning.

You should be online and listen to it.

I will.

All right.

You're my favorite show.

All right.

You're my favorite show.

You're my favorite show on the syndicate.

Did you stop doing your show?

I did it last night, dude.

When did you go on?

My show.

show. After Fat Lego did? Midnight. Midnight. You were in the chat room, I remember. I fell

asleep around midnight. Maybe I fell asleep. Your show probably did. That's right, I did

hear your intro. Right. Let's see. Artie, do you ever fall asleep with your dick in

your hand like you were jerking off and then you fell asleep and you were so tired? I have

my dick in my hand right now. Excellent. All right, cool. All right, Artie, man, thanks

for calling in. Thank you for creeping me out. All right, later, brother. All right,

see you, man.

That's evil Artie. Fell asleep with his dick in his hand. Abraham Lincoln was a good old

old man jumped out the window with his dick in his hand said excuse me lady but i'm doing my

duties to pull down your pants and give me some bootay to life crew everybody level your house

don't let him in there man you'll have to get a whole new get a new apartment built yes sir

anyway so better luck next time milkman anyway so i've got some ideas floating around here for

this google voice thing it'd be so awesome if they had i thought i could have sworn i had saw that

but there's a number that I could call first,

and it is put in my account number,

and it will let me do my thing.

I guess not.

Oh, well.

Anywho, in the meantime, we've got more numbers to do here.

They'll be on their own, but so be it.

That's all we can do.

That's all you need.

All you need is Carlito.

All right, we're calling the bed and breakfast.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Hello?

Hey, is Scotland on this list or not?

What you saying?

Is this the bed and breakfast?

No.

This is the bed and breakfast.

Dial the right number for...

Oh, I did dial the wrong...

Whoops. Call him back anyway, dick.

Do that.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

I'm going to read the transcript from one of that guy's messages, if he picks up.

I don't think he's going to pick up there, so we're going to call the right number this time.

This is the bed and breakfast. That's awesome how fast I can do this.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

I literally, all I have to do is click on connect, and it's like there, ringing.

I have to save phone cards just for when people call in.

Excuse me, let me save it.

Hello?

Hi, is this the bed and breakfast?

Yes.

I'm waiting for my shuttle to come pick me up so I can go in there and get my breakfast.

Where are you people at?

I'm ready for my breakfast, please.

Is this a joke?

Yeah, no, no, no.

I'm calling from New York.

I'm waiting for my breakfast.

I'm from New York myself.

Right, okay.

Okay, what do you guys do for breakfast?

Do you do Scrapple?

Sorry?

Do you do egg white omelets?

Yes.

Okay, could I get an egg white omelet with white cheese, white American cheese?

If you could garnish it with a little bit of basil, please, at the end of the process.

Hello, sir?

Sir?

Lost the call.

I know a problem.

I'll click and connect again.

Get right through.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

And it says call UK and ask people for their phone number.

That sounds funny.

All right.

You got a bitch in your hands.

We're going to call John McDonald instead.

This is in Scotland.

Oh, she just said hello.

Damn it, man.

I'm going to call her later.

All right.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

All right.

Scotland's two cents a minute.

Not bad.

I'll do that.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

I didn't understand why the phone had to ring so much for you to pick up.

Who is it?

This is Valente.

I need your phone number, please.

What's your phone number?

Go to each other's unit.

Huh?

That's a stupid idea, Nunu.

You stupid foreigner.

You stupid foreigner asshole.

Non-American foreigner.

Alien.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Yeah, coconut.

No, there's no dialing music.

Why?

That sucks.

We'll play this.

Here we go.

My music's so bad.

Listen to this.

Hello?

Ma'am, why did you hang up on me?

That's not fair.

Listen, I'm an idiot.

You're an idiot?

You're an idiot.

No, no, I'm not.

I'm American.

She's in England, she says.

All right.

All righty.

Cool.

Good to know.

We'll call her one more time.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Kokanee song.

This isn't fair what you people are doing to me.

You've left me here stranded again.

Why?

What's the matter?

You people left me here stranded again.

This just isn't fair, sir.

What kind of marriage?

It's not fair.

Huh?

It's not fair.

Well, I understand, but where I'm from, it's still only 1 o'clock in the morning.

I don't think it's that big of a deal.

I think maybe you should already be awake and doing your jumping jacks.

What do you think about that?

Are you homosexual?

That's a very gay thing to say.

Well, why would you say you would touch my jack like that?

That's disgusting.

Have you ever heard of Leviticus in the Bible, sir?

It says that you're going to turn into a pillar of salt and go to hell because you're gay.

Leviticus, look up it.

Oh, man.

and i'm dyslexic you know the human vacuum cleaner has already gone to sleep apparently and i'm so

happy about that that he's gone to sleep double d is taking one more smoke and he's off to bed

good for you do not go to bed with the cigarette do not go into your bed with the cigarette you

will fall asleep and you will burn your bed down and they will have to um bury you with pieces of

your bed attached to you because you melted into the bed because it caught on fire don't do that

they taught you that even when you know elementary school before you were supposed to smoke they

You do someday.

Don't do that.

He says he has a lot of him to burn down.

Bullshit.

Me too, man.

Join the club.

When they cremate me,

I'm going to have to use a garbage pail.

Fuck the ashes.

All right, folks.

Let me know in the syndicate if you guys need me in the office.

It's now 1 o'clock in the morning.

I don't know who's coming up next, if anybody.

I still have the ball.

Running out of numbers here.

I'm running out of patience.

And running out of awake juice.

So I'm going to call the last number here.

We just did Ruben Cox, right?

So we're going to do the other one.

Milkman, you're still there.

You awake?

Good.

Good for you.

you all right terence day last call of the night we never got to that best buy it's way too late

by now awake juice the cost of this call is two cents per minute we got a call number in a funny

country house three cents a minute what find a hotel in moscow hello hello this is the day

residence this is valente how are you good sir valente i'm the head of the national association

Association of Pensioner Rights.

Pensioner Rights?

Yes, we're from the United States.

We're from, you know...

Yeah.

Yeah, the old colonies.

Can I help you?

Yes, I wanted to ask you if you were awake.

Are you awake?

No, I'm asleep.

Okay.

Well, when you get a chance to wake up, sir,

I'm going to need your phone number

so I know where to call you at

so I don't bother you, you know, until...

Yes, that's okay.

Yes.

What time do you usually wake up?

What time is it?

It's 1 o'clock in the morning, 1.07.

Oh, yeah.

Right.

Where are you?

I'm in New York.

Yeah, can I have your phone number?

Well, it's on the caller ID, is it not?

Okay, I'll get back.

Do you have caller ID in your country?

He wants my number.

I'm going to give him my number.

Creepy sounding white British guy.

You can just hear the creep.

Hello.

Can I have your number?

Wow.

All right, let's find someone to help me out.

First person to give me a good number in Russia.

He wins a gold star.

I'm working on it now.

Let's call a Russian Hilton.

There's got to be a Hilton in Russia, right?

Let's call the Russians.

We're going to call the Moscow Hilton.

Let's see if we can get a phone number for them.

This will be fun.

Here we go.

I've got the number.

I just need a country code.

New listeners out there, too.

Hi, new listeners.

New listeners, put yourself on.

Why don't you guys help out and find me the country code for Moscow, huh?

If you guys want to hang out, you've got to get to work.

We work here.

Also, there was a report that there's been nine new poopers hatched.

Maybe nine, believe it or not.

We've got to get the cook in these news, too, here.

Moscow country...

Miss C says that you're awful sexy, Carlito.

Thanks.

I don't know who you're talking about, but that sounds good.

I'm biased, I guess.

gonna send a number here to lonesome loser for him to translate from i don't know if he's around

though here we go oh cool there's a website here that does it for you you pick the place you're

gonna dial you put in the number and it spits it out to you in the country code oh awesome here

let's do that then russia moscow and the city okay hang on i'm calling moscow i'm calling from

the united states of america there we go and i'm going to call that's the one that's kind of cool

there we go i think i got it all right here we go uh gentlemen and ladies we're going to try to

to call Moscow. This should be the

Hilton in Moscow. I have no idea what time

it is in Moscow, Russia.

Any idea there, guys? Can someone tell me

what the time is in Moscow? Someone tells me

to just keep dialing 7. That's what

Jim would have us do. Let's see. What

time is it

in Moscow? Current

time, it is, looks like it's 4pm?

No, can't be.

It's Friday, April 17th, 9,

10am in Moscow. They're only

8 hours off of us? Oh, I think that's

right i think they they match like european time okay cool it's 30 degrees fahrenheit over there

right now holy crap all right let's do it cost of this call is three cents per minute all right

your fingers ask about those tank parades cost of this call is three cents per minute look man

you there yet man where'd you go homo you need to tell them cc me choi pizda all right give me

me another hotel name what is with these people you got a great show hermano thank you i just

really want to know what the uh stupid um stupid kind of uh place that would answer this time that

would speak english hotels are like the best bet i'm running out of ideas here for a hotel you need

to call uk man it is a best western there's no best western over there i was gonna put hotel

moscow okay we're gonna marry it there we go why didn't i think about that i got the highest rating

on google let's see if they answer there's some kind of holiday over there that's what we need

is it the festival april the 17th or whatever they call those things over there sorry we cannot

come to the phone we are celebrating the festival of april 17th fall of the czar

the cost of this call is three cents per minute i try to learn about that bolshevik

revolution crap didn't make any sense stalin and stalin went to america

Hey, Yoneka, how are you doing there?

This is the United States of America.

Am I speaking to the hotel in Moscow?

Shut up.

Hey, I had a question about oral sex.

Is that allowed in this hotel?

Is oral sex allowed in this hotel?

Hello, sir.

reservation? Yeah, they want to make a reservation for two spaces in Russian. Let me connect

with our reservation department. Please hold the line. Oh, no, no, no. Wait a minute, ma'am.

I already have reservations. She's going to put me through to American, isn't she?

All right, pay three cents a minute. What do you mean, Maria? Where are you from? And

your name is Maria? You're not Puerto Rican? You ever heard of a Puerto Rican before? I'm

Puerto Rican. From Puerto Rico. Have you heard of Puerto Rico before? No, I never

Have you heard of us?

No.

We're like Spix, basically.

And we, you know, we scare white people and, you know, we steal stuff.

Do you have any black people there?

No.

Who do you blame for stuff?

Like the Chechens?

Like, hey, those stupid Chechens always raping our women, blah, blah, blah.

You know what I mean?

Okay, I see.

Okay, I want to make two spaces, please.

Okay.

Okay, I want to have oral sex with women in both rooms, but not at the same time.

We're going to have one oral sex and then go to the other one

and have oral sex with the other one.

Okay, so do you want to make a reservation in our hotel?

Yes, with oral sex reservations, please.

Okay, at which marriage hotel, sir?

Wherever the best oral sex is at.

Okay, do you want to make a reservation in our marriage hotel?

For oral sex, yes.

At which hotel, sir?

And may I have the hotel and the date, please?

No.

I want to speak to your manager because you're being rude

and you said a bad word in English to me.

Second, please.

It's awesome, Maria.

Maria.

I don't like her.

I like the First Lady.

They have much better home music than they do in Japan.

Bullshit, it will.

Call back and speak to the First Lady.

Look at that.

We don't even need to have the country code of Google.

We just put in the damn number.

Hello?

Hello, sir?

How may I help you, sir?

Yes, I already have reservations.

Reservations. Why didn't you ask for my permission before I let you put me through to those people?

Excuse me.

I have a room. This is Jack Valente.

Yes. You would like to get connected with reservations?

No, I have reservations already.

Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

I wanted to know if I could have a girl sent up to my room when I come in. I want her ready when I'm there.

Okay. Just a moment, please. May I connect you with the reception?

How long is it going to take?

I will connect you just immediately.

Okay.

Hey, what's your name?

Farida.

Farida?

Yes.

What's your breast size?

Excuse me, sir?

Your breast size?

Sir, let me please connect with the reception, yes?

You better hurry up, Natty.

It's going to be nice spanking when I come in.

Okay.

All right.

You like spanking.

She likes being spanked.

Welcome in.

You saw that.

Mushu-mushi.

Yes, hi, this is...

Hi, good morning.

This is Jack Valente. I'm from the United States of America.

This is the Marriott in Moscow.

The Marriott in Tora Bora?

Tora Bora?

Where's that?

Yes, there are three Marriott.

Marriott Tora Bora, Marriott Grand, and Marriott Tverskaya.

So, you people are pretty cocky over there in Moscow.

I heard you people think your shit doesn't stink, huh?

Excuse me?

I said I heard you people over there in Moscow don't think your shit doesn't stink.

But I'm going to tell you what.

When I grew up, you know who was the president when I grew up?

Ronald Reagan.

He kicked your ass.

Right?

You people were poor.

You had to stand in line for bread.

You remember those days?

You Russians, you remember that?

We kicked your ass.

I don't remember those days.

Huh?

This is all you wanted to tell me?

Yeah, I think that...

Oh, I may help you with something else.

Yes, I want you to admit defeat in the Cold War.

Good luck.

Fuck Russia.

Fucking right up their asses.

I wish we would have dropped a fucking nougat on all of them.

General Jack Ripper was right.

Should have taken them out when we had the chance.

They're going to come back.

That was Russia, everybody.

I mean, I have a better idea than that.

That was kind of fun.

Just let my little bit of 1980s aggression there.

Because I used to know when I was a kid,

and I was supposed to wake up and realize that any day,

out of nowhere, people like her were going to kill me.

Baby says that she'd get creeped out if some douche called me up

and asked what her boob size was.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Man, I almost lost it there in the middle of that.

Everybody, it's 1.22 a.m.

I can keep going.

And the latest I can go is like 1.30 something.

You let me know.

If I'm bothering you guys in Syndicate, I will get off immediately.

How many people have got launching?

44 in Syndicate.

Thank you, sir.

Another 22 on the other side.

We're up to 67 or so when you count the other networks.

67.

Not bad, not bad.

We hit up to, I think our peak was 90.

I'm also very excited about the fact that, you know, LandoMagic.

I'm going to start my favorite team.

Their first playoff game is on Sunday, taking on the 76ers.

You know, Chirkaloo was hurt, sprained an ankle.

That's okay, sprained an ankle is a sprained ankle.

It's not a big deal.

Four or five days later, sprained ankle, you stay off of it.

You practice rice, rest, ice, compression, elevation, everybody, rice.

You're good to go, like new.

And I think Rashard Lewis also had a tendonitis in his knee.

I went to the Magic game last week.

I remember I told you guys about that.

But, yeah, I'm excited about the playoff games.

I hope maybe I get to go to a playoff game.

Very exciting times, NBA playoffs.

It's a real NBA season, as I like to say, starting now.

This just says the Hawks are balling this year.

Good deal.

We should be able to make a pretty easy meet out of the 76ers.

And I believe Boston and Detroit are going to be duking it out,

who are really the only two teams I'd really be concerned with,

with the exception of, well, Cleveland.

But the Magic, we killed, we trounced Cleveland two weeks ago.

What, like 30 points, I think, or something like that?

Anyway.

We're going to call it Hotel Cosmos.

They're also in Moscow.

Well, let's pick another country here, guys.

Let me go back to the chart of pricing here for my international card.

I have no idea how many minutes we have left.

We're down to 61 cents.

Not bad, not bad.

All right, we can do that.

Okay, I'm going to try to find here a good country to call.

all we're going to look for two cents a minute so i'm going to actually search for that mexico city

no that's crap that's been done austria hey there you go austria let's check out austria huh what's

in austria what's that about aren't they half germans over there what's the city in austria

anybody know i have no idea what's the city in austria milkman you're iraq can you help me out

with that one i have no idea what's the city in austria someone tell me i just know the country

of Austria. Does it have cities in it?

Vienna. Of course. I knew that.

That's where Beethoven's from. Austria, birthplace

of Hitler. That's right. They were into that stuff.

Ansbruck's in Austria.

Yeah, screw that. We're calling Vienna, dude.

Okay, we're calling the Hohmann-Berleite-Tekagi

Design Boutique Hotel.

Wow. Alright, we're calling

Austria. We're just calling internationally here. We're going to have

fun. What the fuck? Why not?

The cost of this call is two

cents per minute. Don't look for

that one, so instead we'll call the Hotel Vienna.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

I literally just have to copy the number and paste it into Google Voice and click connect and it calls me and it connects me.

Hello, sir.

How are you?

I need to speak to an American speaker, please.

This is the Hilton in Vienna, Austria.

Oh, you guys have anything excited planning for Monday?

Well, I don't know.

It would be a big day if Monday, you know, it's April 20th, 420.

It's 420 on Monday.

I thought you guys might have something special being Hitler's birthday and all that.

You know, he was born in Austria.

You guys have anything to celebrate?

I'm coming into town.

We were looking to, you know, celebrate the birth of the Fuhrer.

No?

Nobody talks about that.

You guys don't ever mention, you know, he was born.

A bad person was born in your country.

A very bad sick person.

I don't care about that.

Oh, you don't?

Do you like Jews?

I was born in your country, so...

What country were you born in?

Here, in Austria.

Okay, well, so what?

What's the problem?

You weren't born in the United States like me.

You weren't blessed like me.

Okay, thank you.

Bye.

I'm blessed by God.

Face my ass.

I'm just insulting the world tonight.

That was Austria.

Reminding them that Hitler came from there.

In case they forgot.

Blomp 8.

Thanking me for reminding him 420 is Hitler's birthday.

Well, how could you forget?

I'll just call New York and ask about 9-11.

and ha ha no let's not do that all right what other countries can we call let's take a look

here music please let's get off the hindu stuff all right there we go there's something a little

more american here a little more joe america china two cents a minute well hell china's two

cents a minute yeah but they're boring denmark two cents you don't ever hear anything bad about

denmark do you all right let's find the hilton in denmark i have no idea what a city in denmark

would be just as chicks never hang up we've called china before when the lady got scared

Gary, we started talking about Taiwan.

She probably thought it was like a government agent calling her.

Trying to get her to slip up.

Speak against the PRC.

Hilton in Denmark.

How long does it want to go through?

Copenhagen.

There you go.

Not just dip, folks.

It's a country.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

That's beyond to us.

That's not going to work.

Grinch wants a fat Albert prank.

I wonder how much it costs to call Jamaica.

Let's find out.

That'd be cool.

Call Jamaica.

What language do they speak there?

Kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Two cents a minute to France.

There we go, we gotta call France.

Let's call a hotel in France.

Paris.

Okay, the Hotel Arc de Triomphe in Paris, France.

Greece is two cents a minute.

So is Germany.

Hong Kong, Hungary.

Italy.

Ireland.

New Zealand, we already mentioned.

Norway is in there.

Poland.

We gotta do our research, milkman.

Singapore.

Spain.

United States.

Hawaii.

I don't care.

They're gonna pick up here.

We've had enough fun with that.

I think we had enough fun for a night.

Pressure dug it out.

Drunk it out a little too long.

But we did get to talk to some foreign countries.

Let's see how much it is to call Afghanistan.

29 cents a minute.

What about Cuba?

Cuba, Guantanamo Bay, 60 cents a minute.

But unfortunately, nothing for the rest of Cuba.

I don't think Google would want to be doing any type of business calling Cuba.

But funny enough, they have Iran in here, I think, don't they?

Yeah, Iran is in here.

And Iran Mobile.

What about North Korea?

No, no North Korea.

Okie dokie.

Milkman, if you're here, please take us out.

Milkman going once.

Milkman going twice.

Milkman.

I'll take care of you.

white people dance

dance white boy dance

alright

thank you for listening

everybody tonight

I'm Carlito

Milkman was here with me

Tuck was here for a little bit

I want to thank everyone

who called in

first of all

of course we need to thank

Lonesome Loser very mucho

thank you for all your

prank call confirmations sir

it's always a big pleasure

I also want to thank

Nunu for sending his requests

his idea rather

helping out as much as he does

I want to big thanks

to Jake in Australia

who's going to be helping us

out with the Facebook page

that's right

everyone be sure to visit

madhouselive.com

check out our podcast

podcast and our forums our prank call archives everything is there madhouse live.com uh syndicate

radio.tv also zolar party nation will be on tomorrow 9 p.m eastern standard time preceded

by dj butterface in the butterdome and then other than amy rose before that be sure not to miss

that i want to thank crazy fucker for calling in when i thank jonathan for calling in big outlaw

also calling in big pig outlaw thank you guys

all right milkman you have yourself a good night bro i'll talk to you tomorrow my friend okay

peace out man thank you so much you love me we're out of here

thanks for listening everybody we'll be here on monday monday april 20th 4 20 show i guess

we'll call it monday morning 10 a.m eastern standard time radio is live thursday nights

It's at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (26, 1 h 26 min of 2 h 55 min)

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