2009-04-30 Show

We are finished, yeah?

No, no, no.

Not until you apologize.

No, I'm not apologize to you.

Listen.

You left me a...

I know we have the number you called me.

You left me a harassing voicemail on my business.

God, leave me alone.

Why you bother the business?

You left me...

Now you started to bother, yeah?

I don't know anybody called Deanna.

You don't know Deanna, my dick?

What do you think?

Listening to the House Radio Podcast.

Fuck you.

Reception.

How do you do that?

It's late.

Yeah.

Fuck you.

Featuring Rotissera Wallace.

Fuck you.

Everybody, good evening.

I'm Carlito.

The Milk Guy is here and the Tucker is here.

What's up, gentlemen?

Hey, good morning, my line boy.

I'm a black man and I like rap music

How do you do that?

Alright everybody, let's get serious here

This is a serious show

I am serious Carlito

I finally shaved the front with the sides

Alright, and I got my pranking hat on

So that means good things

Good deal

I want to thank everyone who's tuning in tonight

We're going to have a good show

We have a lot of things planned here

No we don't

You guys just slapped us all together

Took me a while to get online because, of course, Syndicate has got a new player system machine

that I completely forgot about how to set up.

Didn't deal with it.

The Guru says, to make my computer louder, I will need a cheap two-channel mixer or soundboard.

Oh, boy, look over here.

Let me show you my cheap two-channel mixer over here.

This don't look too cheap to me.

Here's the fucking box, nigga.

What are you talking about, cheap?

This is an XZENX6-1202FX.

What are you talking about?

about i got a i almost broke the fan throwing the bat that the box bag watch out fiona's gonna come

in here and rate me a bunch of fancy numbers and symbols on it yes the guy at radio shack said it

was the best one you can get i think we're tuning in everybody prank calls is our game

once a loser already sending in a number for the choco house where they choke the house

that's the name of our show we should start calling it the choke house

speaking to choking it's about time orlando magic advancing tonight to the second round of the

playoffs all right let's go magic from orlando and a big time orlando magic fan been watching

him since the first season they were played grew up in orlando here quite excited orlando

balloons go quickstar go quickstar yeah go amway yeah amway arena owned by a rich devos

Quick Star Amway guy.

Milkman, you're really into that Quick Star thing.

That big scam that is.

Yeah, baby.

Good for you.

All right.

The reason I wear this hat is because I'm going bald.

If you didn't know.

And I found my marker so I can do Jack Masterson calls.

We got to do some Jack Masterson calls.

Jack is back.

Lonesome Losers sending in a number.

Also here for the dark side in Excelsior Springs, Missouri.

Tuck, isn't that a comic book thing to say Excelsior?

Or is that something else?

Isn't that a comic book old time thing?

Yeah, it's a Stan Lee thing.

Stan Lee.

All right.

Milkman, go ahead.

You have the floor.

Hermano.

What?

Do you have Pollo Al Carbon there?

Do you all get the Pollo Loco there?

We get the Pollo Tropical, which is the same company that on the East Coast they call it Pollo Tropical,

and the West Coast is Pollo Loco.

But yes, we do.

Yes, sir.

But you know what?

I'm going to have the real Pollo Al Carbon.

Make sure when you get down there to the VI, man, you stop over at the chicken stand, man,

because this is even better than Pollo Al Carbon.

Uh-huh.

I'm planning on picking quite a bit of Pollo Al Carbon when I go to Puerto Rico in one month.

My wedding is one month from today.

One month from today, May 30th will be my wedding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I leave on May 23rd, so I leave in three weeks.

That means how many shows we got left?

Actually, I think, you know what?

After tonight's show, we only have two shows left.

Because I leave that Thursday, the 23rd.

As a matter of fact, I believe in theory.

So you get two more.

You got tonight, you got two more shows after that, and that's it.

it we're not ending the show like i used to say that after the wedding no more madhouse it'll be

back but we're going to be off the air for a good month what are we going to do here i i don't know

who's going to replace madhouse radio on syndicate who's going to be our fill-in anybody who wants

that who wants it who wants it zomar can't do it you can't do two shows in a row who's going to be

our um our fill-in we're going to have arty do it big evil fat arty the summer feeling

The summer fill-in show.

Now, hell no, man.

You'll want to ruin our audience.

He'll soil it.

Maybe we can get Nunu to do it.

Nunu?

Nunu, eh?

The stream's...

Oh, thanks.

Nunu, good looking out.

He's looking out for us here.

The stream hasn't updated.

Thank you, sir.

That we can sort of build from and, you know, have something, you know, worthwhile.

Right, yeah, I got that, man.

Yeah, so most definitely we're going to have to find something.

I don't know.

Who do I trust out there?

I mean, I trust all you guys.

I don't like David Letterman where he freaks out when he has to go on vacation

and he doesn't let anybody fill in for him because he thinks, you know,

someone's going to steal his Kool-Aid or something like that.

He's not like that.

I've got a boogie.

There we go.

Nice and out.

No one saw that, right?

No one has no idea what I'm doing.

I'm on the radio.

Nothing like a farmer boy.

Oh, yeah.

Cyclist handkerchief right there.

Dirty Limelight's going to do elevator music for two hours.

I like that Dirty Limelight.

He helped me get up in here.

So thank you, Joe.

John Rico.

that's the kind of

feeling I'm talking about

to John Rick

just show your legs

all day

Jesus Christ

and that cleave

the cleavages

Erica

you dug girl

do that

fill it in

or we can fill you in

you know

either way

it works

absolutely

yeah psychic check

I just want her legs

that's all

just let me look

at your legs

you know what

Tuck wants to see

I like your legs

and we will provide

support

alright yes

we'll provide support

alright good

I can't wear this hat.

It's too fucking itchy.

It's fucking summer.

Jesus Christ.

That's because I need a haircut.

My hair smells good today, though.

It smells like duck.

Yeah.

All right, cool.

Tell him, Tuck.

All right, yeah, yeah, tell him, Tuck.

All right, sending you prank requests here.

If you're on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio is my screen name.

Again, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, Madhouse at live.com.

The toll-free line is open.

Milkman, what is that toll-free line?

All right, Milkman.

Everyone that's here for Milkman, give another toll-free line.

Toll-free line is 1-888-

That is cruising and licking that dude right to the baby down the street.

Can Milkman even hear me?

You're licking good, baby.

Toll-free line is 1-

No, he's like cruising down the Hollywood Boulevard or something.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

If you want to call us here tonight, you can.

It's a toll-free line, no cost to you, all cost to me.

Look at this Milkman.

Vanilla stole his credit card number and it bills to him, so call him like crazy.

1-888-278-8509.

And also be sure to visit our homepage, madhouselive.com.

You can subscribe to my podcast, check out my prank call section,

and generally yell at the computer screen while you look at pictures of me making gay poses.

We've got a lot of news stories we can get to here tonight, a lot of crazy stuff out there.

Another good call here.

Loser Loser's got a number for Cobra Security.

He says we should wonder if Destro and the Baroness are there.

Good idea.

corporate commander there's something wrong with our screen time it says 30 anniversary or something

but but i fixed it i fixed it what's he talking about it should be updated already i'm showing

here that it's showing up as uh live now that's me i don't know you tell me you tell me the deal

there you go there we go if i said it it must be true no that's a liar you're a fucking you're a

fucking liar what is that from that's another jerky boys prank call i always end up with the

the jerky boy shit on here you're a fucking liar you're lying son of a bitch okay so we're going

to get to more prank house ellie's checking in uh ellie's in the house hi ellie nice to see you

the dad kokanee news director maven mikey 129 mst3 clay big tug house as well nunu we already

talked about him milk banter also we're going to talk about psychic chuck and john rick in the

house dirty limelights in the house also big zolar the zolar party nation we'll be on tomorrow

Tomorrow night, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Only on SyndicateRadio.tv.

And, uh, yeah.

Right, get your party ready.

It's been to get Big OutlawBig6503 Carlito in the house.

What's up, big guy?

How you doing?

Right back at you.

Dr. Lego.

The Jew of Pranks himself.

The King of Jew Pranks.

Dirty Lion Man.

I already talked about him.

Fairy Dust.

Gestus is up the ass.

Hookah is God.

John, uh, oh, yeah.

Jungle Bunny with tits is in the house.

Kenny Powers.

Corrupt Corruption.

Lady Untouchable.

The N-Word.

Lara S.

Rocky.

Psychics.

Swine Flu Dewop, and Tamara, all rounding it up.

And all ladies.

You get to see all our ladies, our female listeners.

Hey, Milkman.

Milkman repeating all the same names I already gave out.

Thank you, sir.

I haven't even given out my Twitter account yet.

That's twitter.com slash madhouse.

Be sure to check me out.

Follow me on there.

I keep it quite updated with prank calls on a regular basis.

Whenever a prank call gets released, the first place you're going to find out when a Madhouse prank call comes out is going to be my Twitter.

So be sure to follow Madhouse on Twitter and that stuff.

I've got to send an alert to everybody so that they know we're on.

A lot of people are wondering, where's Carlito?

I haven't gotten my alert yet.

If Carlito abandons my Twitter, I might need to get back into it again. I don't know.

Hey, Tuck, I wanted to mention, you posted that new...

What is that again that you're working on?

Is it an album? A cover for a band?

Like their album cover? It looks pretty cool.

The new one you posted looks really good.

Yeah, a couple of different things going on.

Oh, the Strange Candy thing.

Yeah.

It's a local band I'm trying to get figured out.

Okay.

All right, cool.

Well, yeah, the latest one that you posted there, that album art,

the eyes and the Strange Candy look and stuff, it's really cool.

Everyone be sure to check that out.

It's over at what?

TuckerMike.com.

Is that where it is?

Thank you.

I'm struggling with it.

I didn't know how weird or...

It looks good man

Don't worry about it

You're a good artiste

Don't worry about it

Don't put too much

When you put a lot of pressure

On yourself

From what I understand

That's what happens

That's how come I

Haven't been able to

Conceive a child yet

Despite all my efforts

He's got to go for it

He's got a nut

He's got a nut in it

What else can I say

Nut

Alright so we'll get to

Some prank calls here

Why don't we just start with that

Instead of talking this bullshit

We'll call the first one here

The Choco House

Usually the first prank call

Or two here are weird

As I

the first prank call

are usually slow

while I get warmed up

and towards the

end of the first hour

they start picking up

we don't want

the slow bullshit

we want the fast girl

pranking

I want to work on that

you know

we got to lead up to it

you know

you can't just stick it in

Tuck

you got to warm the girl up

oh my god

speaking of which

I don't know

if you heard this Tuck

I don't know

if the rest of you

syndicators

and everyone else

listening heard that

did you hear

high pitch Eric

on the air yesterday

on the Stern show

talking about

how he fingers

the clit and all this stuff did you hear that oh my god that was disgusting that was the most

disturbing thing i've ever heard oh my god it had to be disgusting oh god if i had audio but i play

it i don't know if it's oh man i tried to catch it this weekend did you yeah listen to high pitch

eric's uh it was yesterday morning he was on uh he was in studio and he was describing how he's

had sex with some lady it was really just something he said he lasts 30 seconds yeah

yeah, that's true, he didn't say he lost 30 seconds, he said, he's like, so they ask him,

yeah, so were you good, I mean, what did she say, he said, oh, yeah, she, he, she said

I walked her world, and I'm like, okay, I'm like, wow, alright, so, you know, Eric must

be pretty good at fucking, and I was like, yeah, I lost 30 seconds, and they all start

laughing at him, like, wow, 30 seconds.

And the whole thing is, from what I understand, you know, from the Lego, and the PC for the

If Pat Speeder

Is he's not put on

No it's not

It's the real deal

Holyfield

Yeah it is

Definitely

How could you

Yeah

Okay

Before I even get to it

Alright folks

Stand by for a moment

The Choco House

Is coming right now

Everybody

It's coming

First prank all the night

Thank you

Choco House

Hello

Choco House

Oh good

Hey

You have

You put cheese

In the chocolate

In the hot chocolate

You ever try that

No, we're in a dessert house.

Are you joking?

We have sake, sushi, and all.

We have a sushi bar.

Sushi?

Yeah, sushi bar.

I have a question.

Listen, when I come in, when you eat sushi, you eat the whole piece at one time, or are you supposed to make a chewing?

How are you supposed to eat it?

We have, like, aki, yellowtail, and everything.

Okay, but look, listen, jerk-off.

When I come in, are you supposed to eat the whole piece at once, or do you bite it off in two?

How is the sushi designed to be eaten?

You chew it, you eat the whole thing at once, right?

Like, you put the whole thing in your mouth, you chew and you swallow, right?

Are you supposed to eat it in how many steps?

How many steps?

How many, when you eat a sushi piece, alright,

do you put the whole thing in your mouth, you chew it and you swallow it,

or do you take a piece, do you break it off in two or three,

do you pinch it off, how do you do it?

Right, it's a sushi bar, so, um...

Dude, are you...

What's your deal?

Hey, can I speak to an American?

I speak English.

Not very well

I mean you speak it but you don't understand it very well

What I'm asking you is when you eat the sushi

Do you eat it all at once

Do you put the whole piece in your mouth

Do you chew it and swallow it

Or are you supposed to eat it in two bites

What's the protocol

Let me try it like this

You understand that

But make my eyes squeam

Let me try it now

Returning to main menu

You have two new messages

Fucking idiot.

What's his problem?

Huh?

I don't understand.

What are you doing?

I don't know what the fuck they're feeding you over there, fucking assholes.

I bet the sidekick Chuck would understand it, though.

Shitting and pissing everywhere.

Let's have sidekick Chuck.

Milkman, you're Japanese.

Is there a protocol to...

You're half Japanese.

Are you half Japanese or quarter Japanese?

What's your problem?

Dude, I'm black, man.

Whatever.

Whatever, man.

Why you start talking shit, man, motherfucker?

Well, seriously, you know about eating sushi.

Why black?

You're supposed to put the whole...

You know when you get a sushi piece, you put the whole thing in your mouth and chew and swallow?

Are you supposed to, are you allowed to chew and, you know, pinch it off?

You know what I'm trying to say?

Yeah, you can bite it off.

I mean, it's up to you, really.

I mean, it just depends on how you want to eat it.

I mean, shit.

I just pop the whole thing in my mouth and just let it explode with flavor, man.

Explode with flavor.

A little gabby in there, you know.

A little bit of ginger.

All right, good deal.

Pop it in your mouth and let it explode.

I like the little tiny little eggs they got.

The teeny little tiny, like, orange eggs that are on there.

And, man, they just, like, pop in your mouth when you eat those, too.

Hey, Milkman, what about that pig virus?

son that'll scare you tell you what oh hell man i love pork man no man the pig flu what is it the

swine flu my dad's sick he's got a cold he's coughing i'm like dad you've got that swine

flu man i'm gonna burn your mattress he's like no don't do that i'll burn it i'll burn it fucker

i'm gonna burn his mattress

i'm gonna burn in their in their backyard with a can of gasoline and a tire

i'm gonna tell him i'm gonna convince him the only way to save his life and my mom's life

is by burning his mattress and his clothes i'm gonna put him in a potato sack suit uh i'll get

a thing to make a suit out of potato sacks jesus christ i'm thinking about getting on anti-anxiety

medicine for the only only for the only for the um only for the wedding because i'm not convinced

i'm gonna be able to handle it man it's a lot of stress bro i mean just thinking about today it's

coming down to the wire there's a lot that's got to go right a lot that could go wrong i don't want

to get sick and what if i get a pimple for the wedding you imagine that getting all these pictures

was having nasty

and I get pimples

sometimes

I remember a few weeks ago

I had the most horrible pimple

I was looking at the videos

the YouTube videos

of the show

I got no

because you know

usually what happens to me

when I put that shit on

I break out

if I leave the face alone

if I leave it alone

nice and fine

if not

I break out

I don't know

whatever

I don't know what to do

I don't eat chocolate

I don't eat you know

something

something about me

and pimples

they always come out

at the most

inopportune time

whatever

whatever okay maven's laughing at milkman turning black and ease i don't know if you guys noticed

but i'm without my laptop this week i had to send it back to dell for repair back to the depot so

hopefully it's back in time for my honeymoon because one of the big reasons i got the laptop

is to have something i use you know when i was on a honeymoon i could upload pictures and this

and that and get down get up get get down and uh it's going to be kind of sucky if i can't have a

computer on the road i want to be able to twitter you know well i can twitter from the phone i can

I can surf the web on my G1.

It's quite easy.

But you've got to have a laptop.

I've got to have something.

Thinking about it, do I really waste my honeymoon on a laptop?

Athena's going to kill me if I even try cracking it open at all after the wedding.

We'll see what happens.

Hopefully I'll get my laptop back soon.

But anyway, it makes things complicated for the show.

I like to have the laptop on the side.

Because I do all my chatting and my texting people on the laptop.

And I do all my video and audio production on the main computer.

And now it's all on one PC.

And I can't find half the stuff

I think it has it

I'm not paying attention

Sorry

What?

I'm not paying attention either

Let's get to more

A big one

Is that Jeff?

Is that Jeff from Soma Cow?

I think that

Jeff, is that you from Soma Cow?

Give me the number one

If that's you from Soma Cow

If it is

Make sure everyone goes to Soma Cow

I think it's SomaCow.net

Or SomaCow.com

I think it's both of them

Just post it

Do something

Jeff from Soma Cow

If that's you, god damn it

Let us know

Everyone be sure to go over there

Good show, good people

They're on tomorrow

They're on tomorrow evening

And every Friday

Good people, good show

Good production over there

I wish I had that kind of capital

They have a really good set up over there for their show

This show would be so much better

And I wish I had people that could do the show with me around here

There's no talent that I got here locally

Everyone is spread out across the world

Milkman joins us in some library

In San Diego or something

Tucks in the middle of a dial-up connection

In the Appalachian Mountains

And who knows

Anyway, if you guys want to call in, you can.

The toll-free line is open, as we said before, 1-888-278-8509.

It says I've got some voicemails here.

It pretty much means any one can do this fucking show with you.

Let's take a listen here.

It says I've got some voicemails here.

Let's see if they're anything, if they're just empty messages.

Please call back during normal business hours from 8 a.m.

To access your account, please enter your...

You have two new messages.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

First new message.

From.

Okay, from.

Empty message.

Nothing in this one.

How do you delete them?

Message kept as new.

Next message.

From.

No, it's just, these are the clowns.

Oh, you remember last week we had the clowns that we were talking to?

Kept calling the clowns last week, you remember that?

Yeah, he said they were after you.

Yeah, dude, the clowns.

Last week we prank called the clown convention, the president of clowns.

This is his message he left, nothing but silence.

He kept calling.

He called Collect at 7 o'clock in the morning.

I was already up.

I was getting ready for work.

And Athena knocks on the bathroom door.

I'm sitting there doing my transcendental meditation on the bathroom floor before I go to work.

And she says, oh, there's some guy calling Collect.

You didn't accept it.

And I looked at the caller ID.

It was the guy.

It was the King of the Clowns or whatever.

Tom King.

King of the Clown Association of America or whatever.

And he kept calling all day, but he wouldn't leave a damn voicemail.

I wonder if he was angry at us last week.

I don't want to see that he had a trace on us.

Jesus.

All righty.

So, moving right along,

more prank calls to do.

We've got the dark side.

How are we going to figure out who you were?

He was on to me.

He figured, let me call Star Six.

Let me call Collect.

That'll trip him up.

All right, dark side in Excelsior Springs, Missouri.

We're going to give them a call.

Excelsior.

He probably thinks he knows who you are, you know.

I'm the other clown guy.

They're clown nemesis.

The other crazy guy,

he's pretty sure he knows who you are.

Yeah, right.

Just a moment, folks.

Don't go anywhere.

where our next call's coming up.

Oh, you got any more calls

from Jim Nobles?

Nah, nothing new.

Nothing new from Nobles.

Funny guy, though.

We can play one of his

old voicemails.

They're always good.

Let's call him, man.

We need to call him

again this week.

Send me his number,

motherfucker.

Word up, you're tiny.

Milkman, that's just

crass.

Had to go there.

Hello?

Hey, is this Darkseid?

Hiya.

Yes.

Hey, how you doing, buddy?

Just fine.

I wanted to discuss

with you the possibility

of you guys moving over

to the light side.

To the white side, huh?

No, no, to the light side.

I wanted to talk about

about your frailty and your lack of vision, your lack of faith in the Lord.

Do you have a copy of the Bible with you?

I do, and I'm a religious person, and Dark Thought is not a satanic deal by any means.

It's a window-chain company.

Well, I understand that, but from what I gather, you folks, or at least one of your associates there,

although they're not into anything dark or satanic, they have a darkness in their side.

They have a side that's dark to them.

We all have our dark side, but the most important thing is to suppress that with light thoughts.

So go ahead and open up your Bible.

I want you to turn it to Job 1.16.

Fucking asshole.

Call him right back.

Fuck he thinks he is.

Turn the alarm on on him.

Perfect, perfect.

At the tone, please record your message.

When you've finished recording, you may hang up.

Or press 1 for more options.

To leave a callback number, press 5.

Enter the phone number.

To enter, number 407-459-453-491.

If the number is correct, press 1 to re-enter the number.

Thank you. Your message has been sent.

All right, well, one weak prank call and one decent prank call.

We're doing all right. We're not doing bad.

Remember back in those PagerDays, Milkman people, you know,

if it was an emergency, you're supposed to page 911?

I worked at a PagerDays company years ago.

I had all those Pagers for free, and then I carried one of those things.

He used to serve with all the repeaters and everything.

The repeaters?

All right, good deal.

You don't say.

Repeater.

You don't say, you don't say, you don't say.

I had a girl get really mad at me once because I called her.

I was like 17.

And I paged her with my number and I put 911 at the end.

She called me right back.

She's like, why'd you page me 911?

That's only if my nephew has an emergency.

How do I not know that something happened?

Blah, blah, blah.

I was like, whatever.

However, she got really mad.

People used to take that seriously, putting 9-1-1 daily page.

It better be a damn emergency with that girl, man.

We even had a little chart our company had.

Yeah?

That they would distribute, like, to our customers.

And, like, it would be, like, coded numbers.

And it would be, like, saying, you know, like, you could say something.

Just, like, hit, like, two, three numbers.

And they could, like, send a message like that.

Meet me at, you know, and that kind of thing.

137.

Bring bread.

Stop by the grocery store.

137.

And Tuck knows what that means.

Tuck's into that.

Take me at lunch for a nooner, baby.

You know what it means, you jerk.

420.

Like 311, the band?

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah, there you go.

137, like you don't know, it's a Howard Stern show thing.

Well, it's a legitimate thing.

It means I love you, doesn't it?

This is the one for I and then three letters.

No.

L-O-V-E.

No, it's one, four.

You have to be the enforcer.

One, four, three.

I'm sorry.

It's one, four, three.

Man, that was way off.

Jeez.

God, I'm stupid.

All right.

Next number.

What do we got?

Bass is going to go take care of the kids.

Good.

Have fun with that, buddy.

Uncle Billy's Hotel.

That's what I was trying to say.

Uncle Billy's Hotel is in Hilo, Hawaii.

Let's see what their bottle is.

Stand by.

ACDC night apparently here tonight.

Thank you, Milkman.

Yeah.

Looks like it is, huh?

I guess so.

Can't get away with it

when it's good, huh?

You know what I had today?

Boiled peanuts.

Bought some on the side

of the road

for my lunch break.

Had a whole bunch of them

in like ten minutes.

Came back to Malaysia.

Gaming the shit.

It's really bad.

Yeah, I love

boiled peanuts, man.

I've tried to make them before.

I can never make them.

Like I was saying,

you have to buy raw peanuts, right?

You can't buy the roasted ones.

They've got to be the raw kind

in order to make that work.

What is up with

with the fucking Google thing here, man.

Come on, Google Voice.

I'm not paying you people for it.

Jerks.

What?

What's Google doing?

I don't know.

It says calling you, calling you,

and it just sits there

and doesn't call me,

you piece of shit.

No, no, no.

I'm calling you.

Maybe it's call A that's broken.

I don't get it.

Is the phone off the hook?

No, it's working.

All right, well,

I guess I have to finger dial them all

the old way.

Finger bang them.

What the hell? Two cents per minute to Hawaii?

Hey. Hey, is this the hotel?

Hey, can I make some spaces, reservations, please?

Oh, fuck. It's costing me two cents per minute for this gay shit.

Hey, is this the same lady I was just talking to? You all sound the same.

Oh, hey. Yeah, I need some spaces, please.

I need to make a spaces.

Christ, these people are retarded. What a stupid state.

What's Hawaii got that Puerto Rico doesn't?

Tell a show over there, man.

They're all the way back.

I'm about to give up on these people.

Jesus Christ.

Stellar show tonight.

Maybe Curtis Mayfield can help us out.

All right, let's try calling Cobra Security.

They're in Conroe, Texas.

Oh, yeah.

It's all in the vibe of the music.

They get the air and she's just right.

It's always the song that does it.

Are you going to hang up on me like every other person has done tonight?

Yeah, there's a problem in Zone 2

and you people still haven't shown up over here.

I don't know if someone's got their keys locked in

and there's an intruder in zone number two.

I don't know what you're talking about, sir.

Who are you?

Jesus Christ.

This is Destro.

I'm calling for status on zone two.

We've been paying you people on this contract for security.

You guys don't do jack.

This is the third time I'm calling in.

Look, there it is going off again.

Well, for what business?

What?

For what customer?

I need you guys to stop.

Do something about zone two.

Turn that alarm off.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Zone anything.

All right, now this is...

What customer are you?

Huh?

Who are you?

What business is it?

I'm with Valenti.

Or what customer?

Shut up.

I'm with Valenti and Associates.

Okay, well, I don't know.

This is Cobra Security.

Exactly.

And I don't know any Valenti and whatever.

Let me speak to the Baroness, please, because you people will look, you know, for the third

time, the zone alarm keeps going off in Zone 2.

This is Cobra Security in Conroe, Texas.

Exactly, yes.

Cobra Security.

But you're in the wrong place.

You guys are on contract.

Excuse me?

You're in violation of contract, sir.

Who?

A phone?

You're in violation of contract.

I'm a 60-year-old woman, and I'm in Conroe, Texas.

Okay, well, you folks...

And I don't know anything about Zone 2 or anything else.

Well, I'm going to speak to...

Or even this customer you're talking about.

You're in violation of the contract unless you do something about Zone 2 immediately, sir.

Whatever.

There it goes again.

Do something about this.

Do your job.

What is your job?

What do you do there?

Hello?

Hello, sir?

Let's call him back.

Women love it when you call them sir, don't they?

57-year-old.

I don't care how old you are, sir.

Oh, Jesus.

Maven loves the alarm, man.

She loves the alarm.

I do too.

I love the alarm, dude.

That's a big button pusher right there.

You got to put the megaphone on the call, too.

The alarm and the megaphone.

Yes, hi.

I'm calling for a status on Zone 2, please.

Okay, look, sir.

This is the owner of a security company in Texas.

Yes, ma'am.

You're calling from...

No, no.

This is a sir.

You're talking to the owner.

No, no, no, wait a minute.

I was just talking to you, and you said you were a 60-year-old woman, so I apologize.

No, no, no, that was my mom.

I am the owner of the company.

I am 30.

My name, I am the owner.

What is the deal, sir?

You're under contract to come out of here and secure Zone 2 immediately.

Send your son or send yourself over here, old sir, and get over here and fix the problem.

Well, can you tell me where we're supposed to go?

Valente Associates on Conroe, Texas.

I don't know any Valente Associates.

You don't even know how to speak English, right?

Is there an American I can speak to, please?

Could you spell it to me, please?

Valente, V-A-L-E-N-T-E, and ass, O-C-S.

I don't have a customer like that.

You're under contract.

It says right here, Cobra Security, my paper machine.

God damn it.

Let me speak to Destro.

What is the address or phone number?

I don't know any customer.

Let me speak to anything else.

May I speak with the Cobra commander, please?

There is no commander.

I'm the owner.

Can you put the Cobra?

Supercommander, back on the line, please.

That was my son.

He's in the car with me, and he's mad because you're unreasonable.

He's a bad worker.

That's why.

We're not under any kind of contract with anybody at Valencia anything.

Valente and Associates.

Get my name right.

Valente.

It doesn't matter.

We don't have a customer like that.

You come out here, I'm calling the police.

Do what?

There it is again.

Someone else.

Okay, I don't understand.

Where are you located?

You.

Valente and Associates.

I know where I'm located.

You're in a car having sex with your son.

Disgusting woman.

What do you want, sir?

I need you to get these Mexicans off of Zone 2 immediately.

Okay, where is Zone 2?

Zone 2 is on the second floor.

It's a secured room.

I don't have any buildings, sir.

I don't have any buildings that are customers.

What do you secure, whorehouses?

You know, I don't know who you are.

Get off my phone.

Get off my phone, old sir.

Right now.

You called me.

I command you to hang up.

I'm going to call the police, and you know what?

I already called the police on you because you're in violation of contract.

That's all it is.

Oh, good.

Go for you.

There it is.

Oh, man, we're going to get...

Police is after us.

Call is now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network.

You will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

All right, good deal.

Corporal Commander is after us, everybody.

Oh, dear one, Hermano.

Boy, you really get them upset, man.

Kenny and Carol know who got your number.

Hermano, you need to check your AIM.

We're going to request that we tempt you on the AIM.

You need to get your number.

We got a request here for someone for us to call Jim

He married a Chinese order bride

Named Nian Ping

Nian Ping

Good for him

Wish I could marry a Chinese girl

Ended up with a Greek white girl

White honky girl

Smells like wet potatoes

Oh no no

I'm sure she's the lovely

Oh man

He divorced her

He kicked her out

They have a son Jacob who is 10

he might answer the phone

ask for his dad Jim

ask Jim if he thinks

it's a good idea

for you to date Yang Ping

his divorced wife

Jim lives in

northeast

something

let's not say

with the city

his ex-wife

Yang Ping lives in

what would a 10 year old

be answering

I don't know

yeah it's late

in case she'd be sleeping

it's not summertime yet

he's torturing her

making accusations

to get her

but he's a pedophile

ew

so please call the ASAP

he goes to bed early

go for it

he's a psychopathic

smart man

ask him if Yang Ping

is a good lay

etc etc

All right, well, cool.

We can do that.

We also got a prank call request here from a Joe.

Someone out there named Joe sent a prank call request.

Oh, look, we have a voicemail.

They're giving you all this crazy information.

We got a voicemail here, folks.

Let's listen to this.

Let's see if this one, let's see if they lost anything.

Oh, no, it's nine seconds.

I don't know if they did.

Let me play that here.

It's queuing up.

Sounds like silence so far.

Just silence.

Who called?

Let's see, this is an...

Okay.

Yeah, this is the corporate security.

They call back to leave a message, and they've got the, you've reached Valente and Associates, et cetera, et cetera.

So it sounds legitimate.

We'll be getting a call from the police next.

Oh, man.

Here's another one.

Hang on.

Here's another one.

Hang on, hang on.

We've got another voicemail that just came in.

Let's play it.

This is Roland Mocker.

I'm with the FCC.

We're investigating claims that you have violated trust, and we are tracing this call.

He advised that you may need an attorney.

I'm sorry, he's with what?

The SEC?

Did he say the SEC?

The SEC?

Sure, Security and Exchange Commission.

Oh, my God, dude, that was so lame.

The Security and Exchange...

Aren't they in charge of, like, controlling monopolies and stuff?

What the fuck is he talking about?

Mocker.

Yeah, dude.

I thought SEC was, like, you know,

something that covers basketball and baseball.

The Southeast Conference.

Hang on, let's listen to this.

This is Roland Mocker.

Yeah.

I'm with the FCC.

We're investigating claims that you have violated trust, and we are tracing this call.

And it's FCC.

The FCC.

Advise that you may need an attorney.

Okay.

There we go.

Threats all around on Madhouse Radio tonight.

He sounds a little slow and dim-witted.

It could very well be FCC.

It could be.

Oh, Jesus.

Here's another one.

Wow, they're just coming in.

This one's two minutes and 24 seconds long.

It's all silence, though.

He said your number, Bubba.

Like, I can tell when it says transcript not available, obviously they didn't leave a message.

Yeah.

Another black message.

And your number.

They're trying to call back.

Why don't they leave a message?

They're women, is why.

All right.

We'll see if someone leaves a voicemail.

Another one here.

In the meantime, we're going to call Saco's Subs, Los Angeles, California.

One moment.

Hey, I thought you were going to call that call there, that special request.

No, that's right.

That's right.

All right.

We're going to call this guy.

He is calling the call.

That's what he did.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're going to call the call.

You call, we haul.

Call the call.

Madhouse Radio, call on the call.

Here we go.

Calling it, Milkman.

Call the call.

What's the dude's name?

Jim.

Can you terminate the call, please?

I'll try it again.

Fear not.

I will try a redial.

Thank you, Milkman.

Instant redial.

Where's that music at?

We got a comment on our YouTube channel from somebody who listens to the show in Singapore.

Can you believe there's someone in Singapore who's watching and listening to the show?

Please, turn it off, bitch.

I couldn't hack that one.

Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't

They're not answering their listener

Mystery listener

I'll give it a try later, I promise

Let's see if we can get Yangping

God damn it

Fair enough, plenty of show left, plenty of chances left

Sending all your requests

Let's take a look at that number from Joe

Joe sent in a request right before we started the show

Let me get to that Gmail

You can send in your request also if you like

Send in your goddamn prank call request

Over at madhouselive.com

Click on the request a prank button

It will be magically whisked away to a free form you can fill out and send it to me.

It comes in my computer machine here.

It's quite interesting.

Okay, Big Joe sending in a prank call request here for us to call Dan Marshall.

Let's see here what the deal is.

My former friend Dan is a huge Transformers freak.

He loves Transformers more than anything in the world, even more than sex.

Okay, well, he is going on a vacation with one of my friends over to Pasadena, California

for the annual Transformers BotCon convention.

Alright, the Virgin Convention

Me and my friends have made jokes about how Dan and my other friend Jimmy

Are going to California to get married

We think it would be funny if he called as a hotel that they are staying at

Telling them that they have reservations for the honeymoon suite

Have been accepted and want to congratulate them on their marriage

Over at one of the 24-hour wedding chapels in California

And that you guys are offering a complimentary bottle of hot lubrication oil

Because they ordered the X-rated package

That would be hilarious and he would flip the hell out

Alright Joe, you asked for it, you get it

But, you know, why don't you got it?

Whatever you say, Hermano.

Just a moment.

Let's call Transformers, boy.

And after that, we'll get to some of the Lonesome Loser numbers.

Oh, this is Dan Marshall.

Leave a message, and I'll call you back as soon as possible.

Thank you.

At the tone, please record your message.

When you've finished recording, you may hang up.

Or press 1 for more options.

To leave a callback number, press 5.

Hi, this message is for Mr. Dan Marshall.

This is Valente.

I'm calling you from the Pasadena Inn.

If you could please return my call as soon as possible.

There's been an issue with the reservation.

We need you to call us as soon as possible.

If you aren't able to reach us here tonight, we run the chance of by 10 a.m. tomorrow morning Pacific time,

we might need to actually cancel your reservation here with us, which is upcoming.

Again, if you could please give me a call back.

The number here is area code 407-459-4534.

And again, please ask for Valente with a Pasadena hand.

Thank you very much.

All right, we'll see if he calls back.

Probably not.

He's going to modify your G-pop.

Debbie Mansfield, you got it, man.

man. We haven't talked to her. And what happened

last time? Didn't something wacky happen last time

we talked to her? Didn't she get really, really

mad, like extra mad last time or something?

Something weird happened

with Debbie last time we talked to her, right?

She always gets really mad, dude. The crazy bus lady.

You gotta ask her about her

sweet potato pie, dude, man.

Jesus. Ask her for the recipe.

Let's see. Ring, bitch. That's right.

Maven's never heard one of those calls.

Let me speak with Debbie, please.

You have the wrong number. Where's Debbie at?

Did she change her numbers? Yeah.

Is this a new number for you, or what's going on?

Aw, did she want to ask for milk, man?

Liar.

Fucking lying.

You know how they are, those people.

Liar.

That was a lie, man.

You need to talk to her.

They recognize the caller ID, I think, is what it is.

That's the angry bus driver.

Let me play one of those.

I'll take another call.

Another one.

Jim?

Sure, we'll give him a call.

Let's see what goes on with that.

Listen to this while we set that up, folks.

PC Radio.

Hey, Debbie?

Debbie, I'm calling with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

How are you?

Yeah, fine.

We need you to come in tomorrow for a driver's assessment.

We've received a few complaints on your license plate.

We pulled them, and we need you to come in to fill out a driver assessment

in order to retain driving privileges by the state.

For my what now?

Your driving privileges are in danger of being revoked.

We need you to come in for an alternate driver's assessment tomorrow morning, 8 o'clock.

For what now?

My driver's license?

Your driving privileges are going to be revoked unless you can come in tomorrow and pass your driver's assessment.

What's the problem with my driver's license?

We're actually going to be drawing blood for an alcohol and abusive substance test.

Who are you? Is this legit?

Yes, it is. I'm Jack Masterson with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

You've had three complaints within the last 72 hours.

Three complaints of what?

Of reckless driving.

No, not me. You got the wrong one.

According to this, if you don't pass this test, we're going to be drawing blood,

and you have to do the written test.

If you fail, you're going to lose your driving...

Where was I cited for reckless driving?

I'm not allowed to give that information

until you come in tomorrow.

Well, where was I?

This doesn't sound legitimate to me,

so I'll just contact the state representative

or somebody and have them investigate it.

He can't help you.

I'm not going to have to call it,

no, 10 minutes to 12.

You can call your...

It's got to be something like this.

You can call your lawyer.

You can call your pastor.

It doesn't matter,

but if you don't come in tomorrow,

you better not be driving.

Now, where was I reckless driving at?

Down the highway, the interstate.

Interstate, Maine.

Where?

We got you on camera also.

Where is my license number?

Ma'am, I can't get that out over the phone.

You know that.

You know what?

You may be a mass murderer or anybody else.

You just don't have to take me to court to do what you got to do.

What's the big deal?

At 10 minutes to 12 tonight, you're going to call me and you jackmasters

and you can't tell me what I've done.

You were down I-70 and I-0, ma'am.

You were tracked by the cameras at the intersections.

In what kind of car?

I don't have the color of your car.

I don't have time to do that.

I drive a school bus, so was it on my job or in my car?

It was a yellow bus.

No, and you know what?

You got me wrong there because I don't use interstate on my run.

Oh, really?

No, I don't.

Well, not according to this information here.

Not on the interstate.

I'm not on interstate in my bus.

My route is in the city street.

Let me ask you a question.

Would you pass a drug test if we were to ask you to do that right now?

Oh, yes.

I don't do drugs, and I do do alcohol.

And, you know, you can call me.

I got breaking news over here.

We're in the middle of Lighting My Cigar.

We've got a voice mail, a legitimate voice mail here from those folks with the security company.

Let's go ahead and listen to that.

53 seconds long.

Let's take a listen to that, everybody.

Enjoy.

Told you they'd bite.

Yes, my name is Paul Grohman.

I'm calling from the law attorney office of Michael Douglas in Houston, Texas.

And, well, my client just received a prank phone call,

and she's been receiving this for months of being harassed.

And, well, I'm just calling to let you all know that if one more harassment comes through,

I will be filing papers to press charges for phone harassment.

And I would like somebody to give me a call back.

I'm sure you all have caller ID.

And I heard everything that you said to my client, and it was extremely rude.

and press charges will be pressed if one more phone call comes through.

Wait a minute.

So if he wants me to call him back, but I'll press charges, he's a trap.

Yeah, he sounds just like a, I'm sorry.

I think it's from the lawyer's call there.

I'm very worried.

Yeah, he sounds a little effeminate, too.

He's from the office of Michael Douglas.

Isn't that the guy from the game?

Well, that's not what your pastor says.

What pastor?

Is Michael Douglas the one that had the stroke or the son that didn't have the stroke?

Who's Michael Douglas?

Is it the old guy, the stroke guy, or the other guy?

Is he Spartacus?

I don't know.

Pastor of the church and your parole officer.

I ain't got no pastor, no parole officer.

I tell you, you got the wrong devil.

God damn it, woman.

Crazy fucker.

What's going on, brother man?

Let me speak to Carlito.

Hey, what's up, Larry?

Crazy fucker.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to say your real name.

and it just came from my head.

How you doing, man?

Hey, man, uh...

That was a mistake.

I didn't mean to say your name.

I'm sorry.

I'm dumping it right now.

No one heard it, all right?

Didn't go over the air.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, uh, you got my call there?

What call?

This call I'm making to you right now, man.

Oh, yeah, you're coming in.

Punk-ass bitch, motherfucker.

What's your problem, Republican?

How you doing, man?

Hey, you fucking punk-ass bitch.

How'd you been drinking tonight?

Mad Dog 3030 or 2020?

No, actually, dude,

Dude, I'm drinking fucking Jack Daniels, and I swallow it down with some Keystone Ice.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Keystone Ice, yeah.

And I got some fucking Cobra in the refrigerator there.

The Cobra.

Yeah, so, hey, let me ask you a question there, Carlito.

Go ahead, brother.

Who the fuck is this milkman motherfucker that fucking intercepts your calls and shit?

I don't know.

I don't know, man.

He's an asshole.

He thinks he's...

Fuck, man.

He wants to direct everything in the background,

all the numbers that we do of his are bum numbers, crazy fucker, and that bullshit.

Right, and he's like fucking...

He's taking you to the highway to hell, isn't he?

Man, he is.

Hey, man, you want to do me a favor?

Did you hear the voicemail from the guy who told me to call him back

because he's from an attorney's office?

Oh, fuck, man.

Hey, listen, dude.

You're talking to a fucking...

Hey, listen, man.

Aren't we all dying of the swine flu?

flu, isn't that what you and your fucking nigger boss there got going for us, the swine

flu, we're all supposed to die with the swine flu, right?

Well, they all say that, and Joe Biden was on, I guess there's a video of Joe Biden telling

people not to go on planes or something, I read the transcript, I didn't see the video,

I think that's a little too much.

Oh, fine, who's Joe Biden, tell Joe Biden to suck my fucking cock, and lick my asshole

hole before he comes out with a public fucking warning against traveling. Fuck them fucking

pieces of shit, right? When's the last time you got sick, crazy fucker, and what'd you

do to cure yourself? Oh, shit, dude. What are you talking about? Are you talking about

mentally sick? No, no, no. Physically sick? You got a fever. Hey, dude, dude, when you

say sick, when you say sick, are you talking about mentally sick or physically sick or

Or spiritually sick.

When's the last time you got a cold or a fever or the flu or something?

Oh, shit, dude.

I think you're sick right now.

Years and years and years ago, dude.

All right, well, keep living like you're living.

You're doing the right thing, man.

Hey, well, I'll tell you what there, buddy.

Hey.

I should say brother.

Hey, man.

Because I want to apply for that spot while you're on your honeymoon there.

I'd like to be on your fucking show there to fucking...

You know, I agree.

I think you should do it.

You should fill in for us at least one week.

You should do a manhouse show, Crazy Fuckers version of it.

You think you can do two hours of this?

Oh, fuck, I can do fucking 40 hours.

Oh, I can't wait.

I can do 40 hours in 24 hours.

Oh, Jesus, man.

Oh, shit, dude.

I'll tell you, I'll pump 100% truth down on the pipeline there that you got going there.

You got a little connection to the pipeline.

Now, you can either go for the dark side or the light side.

All right.

You can either go for love, peace, and joy, or you can go for fear, greed, and hate.

And I know they got you there down there in your school room there,

and they're trying to program that shit into you, man, to go for the dark side.

But I'll tell you what, there's people that everybody you see, man, is a reflection of yourself.

Everybody whose eyes you look into is a reflection of yourself.

Indeed.

That's true, man.

man. We're all reflections of ourselves. We're all human

beings on this goddamn planet, all the same.

It's not a goddamn planet.

It is a goddamn planet, because

people like you, fuckers like you, make this

a goddamn planet. It was goddamn.

Oh, goddamn. What the fuck did I ever

do except say don't

go to fucking their stupid

ass wars to make

profits for the fucking

Wait a minute now, crazy, crazy, crazy fuck.

Now listen here, sir. You, as a matter

of fact, constantly say that you hope that every

American soldier that goes to Iraq comes back

and a sack, and that's horrible.

That's a goddamn thing to say.

You're a goddamn person is what it is.

Okay, can I give you my definition of what I said?

Was that, yes, that God bless the Iraqi people,

and I pray that they defend themselves against the American imperialist

fucking George Bush-shitters and Barack Obama fucking war profiteers

that attack them

and is turning their country

All right, let me try to get him to talk to the guy who's angry at me.

I've got to do this quickly, everybody.

Stand by, please.

You got him going now, man.

Valente.

That's your account.

You have one new message.

To listen to your messages, press one.

Please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.

This is a free call.

Crazy.

We lost.

We tried.

That's why I was calling Nick.

Oh, shit.

All right.

Let's do another prank call here before he calls back.

You ought to just take a recording of him going on, dude.

You got some tape.

Just play a recording.

Are you kidding?

Do you know how much tape?

Someone.

There's no difference.

I'll be honest with you

Someone that was listening to the show for the first time

And they heard Crazy Fucker calling in

Doing one of his calls

Oh my god dude

They said I should just isolate

Just that

No they said just get his audio

And post it online

So people can hear his crazy ranting

Cause he talks about the craziest

Most retardedest shit

Anyway I was trying to call Socko's subs

Before you guys sidetracked me

And I really gotta pee

It's almost midnight already

ready shit god man did you call jim noble yet play something crazy fucker uh i don't have any

crazy fucker like isolations here jim noble's number let me take it let me get that for you

again here milkman i got it don't worry there we go jim noble's with you get that motherfucker

going dude he says he's getting back with that woman man so now you really got a fucking pissy

mom all right you got it man you want it you got it he's back with anita you've reached the office

New message.

To listen to your message, please enter...

Crazy fuckers have really been drinking a lot lately.

I mean, not that I'm...

This is a free call.

Not that I'm any saner trying to be his dad, but...

Shit, dude.

Every time he calls, I was drunk.

He's calling sober at least every once in a while.

The call is not reachable.

P.P.S.

6-1-8-0.

P.P.S.?

He's not picking up...

Returning to main menu.

You have one new message.

We're trying to get...

We missed out, but...

To listen to your messages, press 1.

To place a...

Dude, maybe he disconnected his fucking number, dude.

Oh, shit.

Well, he said he was disconnecting.

He left a voicemail once that he was going to disconnect.

He might have run him in the ground.

He did tell me he was going to do that.

Oh, my God.

Shut him down.

This is the last message.

I'm disconnecting this number.

I hope you enjoy it.

Trying to call is not reachable.

EPS.

Yeah, he got rid of it.

I think he did.

As a matter of fact, I think I got that somewhere here where he said he was getting ready to get rid of the number finally.

It was like, call me out.

It was like saying something like, call me out or something like that.

Does it tell you when he calls in what number he's calling from?

No, the last time he did, he's blocking the number now.

I let him come through blocked.

I don't care.

The last time he called was back on the 11th.

Was the last call?

Let me see.

No, the 17th.

He called on the 17th.

That's the last call we got from him.

No, I apologize on the 22nd, but he's calling in blocked now.

Oh, man.

Yeah, I know.

I know, man.

Whatever.

What can you do?

Happens.

Well, we'll find a new Charlie Patton.

Indeed, we will.

Maven agrees.

Good idea.

Post up the forums and the prank cast with crazy fucker rants.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, perhaps, perhaps.

Okay, Big Ron's Speak Easy in Zwally, Louisiana.

Just a moment, next prank of the night.

This tooth is really starting to hurt me.

I suck.

I'm going to get it pulled.

I don't have the money for that right now.

Oh, bro, you and I really pissed me off.

Let me tell you some bullshit.

Milkman, I told you about this already.

Tuck, you don't know about this.

They made a big deal at work.

Oh, we're getting a bonus.

Everyone, we're going to get our bonuses here.

Even though the economy's bad, we're doing so good, we're going to get a bonus.

I'm like, what the fuck?

All right, yeah, bonus, right?

right here's what fucking happens to the bonus instead of getting my 600 bonus and i'm supposed

to get my boss comes up to me yesterday with a sticky note and it's got my name on it and it

says 151 and i'm on i'm on a phone call and i put the guy on mute like what's that so that's your

bonus i'm like wait a minute isn't my bonus supposed to be like 600 those well yeah but

you were uh you're officially weren't a permanent uh employee here until like september so they're

third of the bonus i was like you motherfucker you oh that bullshit i was like you fucking ass

it's not his fault all right look uh first of all it's not my boss it's not my manager's fault

all right it's the muckety mucks in the corporate office but that's a fucking bullshit

and what have you i mean for every job that i've had when you get the bonus you get the bonus

who the hell who who prorates a bonus man what the fuck is that either you get your bonus or

you don't you didn't work there enough time or you did and you get the whole full amount of a

bonus what kind of grinch bah humbug shit is that that's isn't that horrible fuck all these

everybody else oh we got our bonus uh yeah everyone's walking around we got bonus

all my other asshole co-workers going around oh we got our bonus we got our bonus they're

walking around like like fairies oh you got a bonus look at me i'm gonna get a big screen tv

i got a bonus i'm gonna shovel right up their ass i hope they all get their bonuses stolen

Hey, check your G-Talk, man.

I hope their bonus checks bounce.

I should take the bonus check and burn it right in front of my boss.

Hey, here you go.

Here's your bonus right here.

Really?

Stick it in their ass and light it before you do, man.

It's like infant.

Fucking shit.

Can you imagine that?

We're going to promote your bonus.

You haven't been working here long enough.

Sorry, you were just a temp.

Check your G-Talk here, man.

It's like, sorry, you were just doing the same job for, you know, half the pay up until September.

So now we're going to cut your bonus also.

so yeah thanks thanks boss appreciate it thank you sir yes sir okay boss okay master thank you

sir i say i say i sure is happy to make my get my third of a bonus thank you sir i is so blessed

to work here bear that cotton crazy fuckers and it's gonna he's just gonna keep calling

hey what do you want old man yeah i've got i i i'm calling in uh doc to uh their uh milkman

Who said that I should be waterboarded

And I'll tell you what there

You piece of shit

You trying to waterboard me

Or any of the things that you

In your fucking slant eyed race

To the pouts of Middle East

Come on crazy fucker

We totally need to get a soundboarder crazy fucker

And that's good material right there

Gotta love that crazy fucker

So Milkman you're sending in a number

Called you your slant eyed race

Alright so

So we got the number for Yangping, the direct number for Yangping,

the lady we were talking about earlier.

We could do that.

All right, let's do it.

Shut up, phone.

Fuck you.

The number's busy there.

That ain't going to work.

All right, let's call Uncle Howie's Pizza instead.

Uncle Howie's Pizza.

Whoop-de-doo.

Taking a break after this call.

That's okay with you guys.

I'm up against a hard break.

We can do some international calls tonight, right?

I wonder if Lonesome...

Lonesome, did you get an unblocked from Skype?

The UK, uh...

Oh, this is the pizza place.

Yes, it is.

This is Uncle Howie's Pizza.

I'm interested in pizzas.

Okay, what would you like?

I like, um, what do you recommend as far as your crust?

Do you have whole wheat crust?

We have regular crust, thin crust, extra thick, extra thin.

Could you repeat those again?

There's regular crust, there's thin crust, extra thin, and extra thick.

What's the last one?

Extra thick.

Extra what?

Extra thick.

Thick?

Yes.

Oh, thick, okay, all right.

Put me down for one of those thick ones.

What, size?

Yeah, extra thick.

The large?

The extra thick.

Yeah.

Yeah, I want the extra thick one.

Okay, yeah, but we got...

You have thin crust.

I know, you already said you have extra large, thin crust, extra thick, extra thin.

Yes, sir.

Did you get that?

Huh?

Did you get that?

You said you wanted an extra thick pizza, sir, but you didn't say what I said.

Yes, thank you.

Please, how long will that be?

Hold on.

Okay.

You know what?

I need a beer.

Look at that.

I think I got a whole box of them next to me.

Beer number three, everybody.

Cheers.

Somebody check it in listening.

You need to take that little blip there with Crazy Fucker and play that right to that security call guy.

Yeah, I got you.

Uncle Howie's.

Hey, yeah, I want an extra thick pizza, and that lady obviously doesn't want to respond to me.

I don't know what's going on.

Can I get your phone number, sir?

407-459.

Is that your area code?

407-459-4534.

This is the manager I'm speaking to?

No.

I only like to speak to managers, usually.

What's that?

I only like to speak to managers, usually.

Okay.

Because you guys usually mess up the orders.

We usually mess up the orders?

I should be on record there.

Look up my phone number and see if you find me on record.

I'm supposed to only speak to the manager.

There's a, it can come up as anything.

407-459-4534 doesn't come up as anything.

Oh, okay.

Well, maybe I've got a new place then.

All right, so what sizes do you have?

What kind of crust do you have?

I was asking her.

She kept throwing me, like, talking about numbers.

We have a small, well, we have a personal, we have a small, medium, large, and then we have a family.

Hey, hey, brother, crust.

What kind of crust do you have?

We have thin, regular, and thick.

All right, so I'll take one of those thick ones.

What size?

Exactly, one of the thick ones.

What?

Thick, man.

You're saying you want size, and I'm telling you you want a thick cross.

Well, what's the big deal?

You understand?

The big deal is you're not saying what size pizza you want.

You're just saying what size.

Thick, thick cross pizza.

Yeah, no shit.

What size?

Hey, excuse me.

Let me speak to the manager right now, please.

Call him back.

Returning to main menu.

You have one new message.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

To break the call, press 2.

To listen to your messages, main settings menu.

To change your greetings, you have 1.

Please enter the phone number you want.

This is a free call.

The staff doesn't use that kind of words here, okay?

Uncle Howie.

Yes, I need to speak to the manager, please.

I'm returning his call.

Okay, hold on one second.

Thank you.

Little do they know, I've replaced their coffee with dirt.

Hello?

Yes, may I speak with the manager, please?

That would be me right now.

What's your name?

My name is Danny.

Someone just said the S-H-I-T word to me on the phone.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Who was that, please?

Did you get a name?

I talked to the lady at first, and she couldn't understand me.

And someone else came on, and he kept asking me what size, and I kept telling him.

And then he said, no shit.

And then he hung up the phone when I asked to speak to the manager.

Well, I'll find out.

That's it.

Go ahead.

I'll wait.

because I want you to put them on the phone with you and me at the same time,

and I want him to apologize.

Who's whispering in the background?

What is that?

What's the whispering?

What is that?

I hear yelling.

No, I heard...

It's a very busy restaurant, sir.

Well, who's whispering in the background?

I heard someone whispering.

I don't hear whispering.

I hear a girl.

Her name is Emily.

She's working at the counter.

Ask Emily who she put on the phone after she talked to me the last time I called.

Emily, come here.

This is not the girl you're talking to.

She's been cleaning, but here you can talk.

Say hello to the guy that he thinks you're on the phone with him.

Hello?

Who was the guy that said shit to me on the phone?

I don't know. Hold on one second, sir. Let me find out.

I want apologies right now, live on the phone, please.

Well, let me find out if that's what happened.

I have to take both sides, so you can't just demand an apology for something that I didn't hear.

Well, maybe you should apologize, then.

Well, I apologize that you're asking for something that I can't have right now.

You know, have you ever heard the story that the customer's always right,

and the manager's always an asshole?

Did you hear about that one?

So you're calling me names now?

Well, because I think it was you that I was talking to, and you said you didn't give a shit.

I can assure you it was not me, sir.

I mean, if you want to believe that, that's fine, but it was not me.

I don't talk like that to customers.

Unfortunately, I know we do have employees that may say that.

We have a lot of young employees, and that happens from time to time.

Do you have a speakerphone there?

No.

You don't?

How much of the staff can you gather around the phone to make an apology?

Probably not enough for you, sir.

Well, just a few of them at least.

I mean, they kind of make me feel better, and we can proceed with the order.

No, I'm sorry.

If there's someone I can help you with right now...

Yeah, my apology for someone saying S-H-I-T.

Well, I mean, if I say I'm sorry for that,

is that really going to make you feel better?

Because I will say it right now.

No, not you.

I want an apology from the mouth that said the bad words to me.

That's who needs to apologize to me.

That's all it is.

Well, ask the girl.

You know, I called, and this girl, she didn't want to take my order,

and she put a guy on, and then the guy said the S-H-I-T word to me.

So...

All right.

Hold on a second.

Hey, Bill.

Yeah, Bill.

So, are you talking to this customer right now?

I want you to apologize right now for anything you said, okay?

Hold on.

I'm going to put him on right now, sir.

Okay.

Hello?

I want you to apologize for saying the S-H-I-T word, please.

Sorry.

No, for what?

What are you sorry for?

For saying shit.

You little fucker.

Put your manager back on the phone, please.

Hello?

He just said that word again to me.

Did you use any foul language yourself, sir?

I did because I'm defending myself.

I have a right to defend myself, sir.

No, you can't ask for an apology and be doing the same thing.

Well, look what he said. He said the word again. He snuck the S-H-I-T word on me, sir.

It was right here. I heard him say it like you were asking him what for.

For saying the word. He couldn't say it for saying a bad word. He had to say it again.

He had to sneak it in because he's a disgusting, disgusting person.

I'm allowed to defend myself, sir.

Well, you know, I don't know what I can do to ask you, sir.

Well, I want you to write him up right now. I want you to write him up right now and fax me a copy.

I'm not going to do that.

Write him up. You have to write him up. It's in a policy. You have to write him up.

Anything you say.

I'm trying to.

Oh, so it's okay.

Customer calls in to Uncle Howie's Pizza, and we say the S-H-I-T word, and it's okay.

No one gets written up.

No one wants to apologize.

Like, nothing happened.

Is that how you people work there?

No, it's not.

Why don't you people go back to your own country, if that's the way you're going to come over here?

What country is that, sir?

Italy.

What country is that?

Italy.

Is this Italian food?

I guess if you want to call it that.

Go back to your own country, sir, please, and stop ruining our country.

Well, you sound like a very well-educated...

You're not from here, right?

This conversation, the owner has the same mindset as you do, so you can call him in.

Well, I'm recording this.

I'm going to speak to Bob Morton and Bob Morton and the new solver tomorrow morning.

That's all I know.

That's fine.

Turning to main menu.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to talk to Bob Morton right now, as a matter of fact.

Fuck with me.

Sneaky fuckers.

I demand apologies on that gun.

You guys saw.

I asked for an apology and I got it.

Now I'm playing.

I'm car-fucking-lito.

Mim.

Sidekick Chuck, tell me what time you want to go on tonight.

night it's almost midnight what time do i have syndicate until i'm gonna take a break right now

so i can pee tmi anyway when we come back we're gonna we're gonna do more prank calls how they're

gonna go i don't know but we're gonna try sending you a request to me as i said before the toll

free line is open if you're anybody but crazy fucker please call me i will

there you go milkman all right you got it right finally 888-278-8509

The website is also

Out there

MadhouseLive.com

Again our website is

MadhouseLive.com

And

Be sure to stay tuned

To SyndicateRadio.tv

If you are there now

If not you should go there

And bookmark it

I want to

I really love the new

SyndicateRadio.tv player

It's a very good

Very good quality

I cannot get in there dude

I think you must have

Changed your address or something

You have to send me

The new link to the address

Because I'm the only one

In that room

Oh yeah it's different now man

Hang on

I'm going to google it

To you right now

else well there you go i've heard i've heard from a few people that are a little confused

including me at first i was like what the what the what the fuck is going on i don't get it

corn fuse there you go sent it to you buddy there you go click on that you'll see what's up

anyhow when we come back we've got more numbers to do including bill's friendly market uh marco's

pizza the pizza dude crazy jim's blimpy burger saco subs i never got to call that one we also

have pizza rustica i've heard of that place in west hollywood california i heard that's really

Really good pizza.

I think they're pretty, I think they're nationally famous, Pizza Rustica in West Hollywood, California.

Maybe we should call them.

Maybe we should Wikipedia that.

See, that's really close to here.

I don't know where to check it.

And also, Big Ron's Speakeasy in Louisiana.

And your request also.

So stay tuned.

Don't go anywhere, bitches.

Yeah, baby.

Go, baby.

I'm guilty.

I love it.

I'm guilty.

11.55 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

We're taking about a five to six minute break.

when we come back

it'll be officially

Friday on the East Coast

thank you

stand by

next midnight

not this midnight

the next midnight

going into Friday

MTV

my art

will be on MTV

check it out

whoa

what's up

back right after this

hi

are you friends

with um

18 Blondie

uh

no

how do you know

18

is this K

this isn't the

KDN dude

because I

I found out

out on good word that you were talking to my girl on the chat room no my boys saw you give out your

number to 18 blonde enos what chat room because i don't some fucking web chat chat room man no i

haven't i don't go on those how long have you known that my girl's been doing porno shit on

the webcam man are you the dude that started it out no i don't know anything about this man

because i know you're if you're the guy that's running his website so help me god man when i

I put the lawsuit that I'm going to put on you.

Dude, hey, hey, hey, hey, could you please listen to me?

Hey, jackass, I'm calling the shots, all right?

Okay, can I please say something?

I know nothing about a webcam site or anything, okay?

I did not go on there.

Somebody could have put my number on there.

I did not, okay?

I'm 15.

I did not go on there, okay?

Can you please trust me?

Well, I've traced your IP address.

We got the proof on your IP, man.

Like, I saw her doing something on the video cam.

What kind of thing?

With some fucking dildo shit where I don't know where she got that.

Are you the guy that bought it for her?

Because she says some guy online bought it for her.

And I look at the screen, and you're there giving her this phone number telling her to call you.

No.

Well, what happened, I know what you're talking about, but it was not me, okay?

It was on my computer, but it was not me, okay?

It wasn't you.

It was not me, but...

They gave your phone number, man.

No.

Can I explain?

What happened, I was at school with my laptop, and somebody got a hold of my laptop.

I don't know who, okay?

and they knew it was my laptop, and I don't know who it was,

but they started giving it to another person.

Somebody called me.

I'm trying to figure out what's going on,

and they gave out my number to a whole bunch of different people,

and I'm trying to figure this out.

It says right here, look, listen.

It says right here, I want to blank you.

Do you like to blank in doggy style?

How old are you?

I want to blank you now.

Can I blank you now?

Do that, yes.

This is really my, this is really me.

hey, this is really my phone number, and it gives your phone number out right here.

Okay, that's what I would, I'd never say something like that.

Sir, I have something to tell you.

I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC,

and we're doing a show about children who break up marriages.

Okay, well, can I please, well, I didn't have anything to do with this.

I didn't say anything like that.

You know, I am going to, I'm trying to find out who's doing this, but.

Do you look at porno, do you look at porno dirty pictures on the computer machine?

No.

You never have?

But I don't anymore.

I did, like, a long time ago with friends, but I don't do it anymore.

With friends?

So you got together and looked at porno pictures on the computer?

It was, like, years ago.

Years ago.

Together you looked at it?

Well, we were together, and it was like a pop-up thing.

Because people your age aren't supposed to look at porno.

It was a pop-up.

That's like buying cigarettes, son.

It was a pop-up, though.

What was in your parent filter turned on?

Because I don't know.

know. I don't know. You don't know. Well, you're free to go. You're on your own accord.

You're free to go. Is anything, I mean, am I going to have to go through anything or?

Well, you're going to be on, you're part of the report. Okay. This is going to be on NBC

radio about predators like yourself who break marriages up on the internet. Okay. Well,

let's figure this out. Figure out who this is. I'm going to talk to him because, you

know. You know, but. Okay. If I find out who, if I find out who it was, I'll call

you um and let you know what i'm finding out because i didn't have okay good good job son

you got it i'm gonna talk to the da and everything's gonna be all right i don't want the da

the district attorney i'll talk to the da that'll smooth it over to be cool okay thank you yeah

because you know i'm the guy on the tv so i'll work it out don't worry about it okay bye i gotta

go my mom's calling me hey until i said hi all right okay bye digging the 28.6

You know what, I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman. We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

What's the move, man?

Ryan terminates the call.

I'm the way up here in the studio, you know what I'm saying?

And this brother stopped me and asked me,

yo, what's up with that brother Chucky D?

He's way nice.

I said, yo, brother don't sway nice.

He knows he's nice, you know what I'm saying?

So Chuck, you gotta feel like you're turning into a public enemy, man.

Now remember that line you was kicking to me on the way out to L.A.,

out to Queens, while we was in the car on our way to the shop?

Well, yo, right now, keep the bass for them brothers,

and I don't know what goes on.

All right, everybody, we're back.

Madhouse Radio.

We just had an olive.

Thank you for staying tuned throughout the break, everybody, who made it.

Meeting some of these kettle-cooked, extra-crunchy potato chips.

There's probably not a good idea of seeing how my tooth is bothering me.

I'm going to probably end up cracking it.

And después se jodió la mierda.

All you Hispanics know exactly what I mean.

I want to mention we also do have a channel on justin.tv forward slash madhouse

and also, of course, on YouTube, YouTube channel Madhouse Radio.

Be sure to favorite us and check us out.

We've got plenty of archived prank calls up there that you can watch and stuff and that.

Jonathan, you're on Madhouse Radio.

What's up, man?

What's up, Carlito?

Doing good, bro.

How you been?

How's your week?

Pretty good.

Just got out of the shower.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, TMI.

Are you dressed at least?

Yeah.

Okay, cool, cool, cool.

You know what?

Have you ever seen those showers that have two shower heads in them?

You know what I'm talking about?

I'm not in person, but you ever heard of them?

Because I really want one of those really bad.

Yeah, I heard of them.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

How about a bidet?

I might get a bidet one day.

I'm going to be able to say I got a bidet.

I've never used one of those.

I don't know, maybe you think it's, well, it's kind of a French thing to do.

You know what a bidet is, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like a water fountain for your ass.

So, I don't know, when you use a bidet, do you have to use toilet paper still?

I guess you still do have to dry it off a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, anyway, brother, what you got for me?

Give me some news.

Throw me some funky shit.

It's the same old, uh, trying to get a different roommate as well.

What happened?

Uh, it's just not working out, put it that way.

Are they dirty?

Put it this way, he thinks he's a big bully.

Really?

Yeah, we don't want that, man.

I didn't know you had roommates.

I thought you had your own place.

I have a roommate that's splitting the costs and stuff.

Oh, you got a house or an apartment, or what do you do?

Apartment.

Okay, cool, cool.

Yeah, well, you know, roommates are a problem.

You know, I enjoyed my life.

If I had a period of time where I had a one-bedroom place all by myself,

then I had to go meet this one over here.

Athena, are you still here?

She ran back to bed.

I went over there and hit her.

No, I was just joking around.

I smacked her, and I thought I was just smacking her on the chest,

and I ended up smacking her somewhere else that was kind of sensitive,

so I'm probably going to get in trouble when I go to bed tonight.

Yeah, what can you do, huh?

Yeah, whatever.

She threatened to wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning

and punch me in the balls to get back at me.

You got to love it, huh?

Yeah.

Nothing like that kind of love in the house.

I love it, man.

Bro, you should see my...

I went through my house and I got all...

I have all these Star Wars collectible things and stuff.

And when I started trying to sell them on eBay

to try to make some extra cash,

I got a lot of crap.

Like, I can't believe I spent so much money on this crap.

I've got an autographed R2-D2...

Excuse me.

I've got an autographed R2-D2 figure.

Like, figurine.

Like, you know, R2-D2 in Star Wars.

There was a little...

There was a midget named Kenny Baker.

He's still alive and he's still living.

But he was inside the robot.

And I got his autograph once.

it's right over here

I don't know if you're

looking at the video

I don't know how much

you can get for this

it's got a bent corner

is the problem

look at that

autographed by

Kenny Baker

I got this like

in 1997

1998 I think

I was still in high school

when I got this done

Star Wars

the power of the force

so I don't really think

this kind of stuff

doesn't really sell

for that much

I'm going to try it

I don't know

maybe I'll give it away

as a prize one day

but the guy

the actor

the midget guy

really funny guy

I talked to him

for like a good

10 minutes

and yeah

but I don't think

I can really sell

stuff that's bent

It has to be all mint condition, and that's been in my parents' closet for a long time,

and it got all screwed up.

I'm pretty depressed about it.

I've got a bunch of stuff.

I've got Simpsons figurines.

I've got Star Wars figurines here.

I've got old basketball cards that probably aren't worth anything anymore.

I've got a Shaquille O'Neal rookie card.

Probably not worth anything.

Waste of time, waste of money, and waste of investments, man,

from my high school days, from my teenage years, all for nothing now.

You know, because everyone back then, you know, like older people back then used to tell me,

yeah, man, if I could go back in time and if I could get all those old baseball cards

that I used to have when I was a teenager, you know, I'd be rich right now.

But my mom threw them out when I went to college, you know.

So I said, I'm going to save all this stuff, and now it's all, like, worthless.

So whatever.

I don't know what I'm getting at, but, yeah.

Man, man, oh, man, you got any suggestions for my wedding ways to relax?

You ever take any anti-anxiety stuff or anything, any natural thing you can maybe suggest

to kind of, what do you do to relax?

I want to smoke cigars, but they're bad for you.

They're not, you know.

Athena got mad at me because I was smoking a cigar inside the house right now.

That's why you haven't seen me smoking cigars on the show like I used to all the time,

because she doesn't like the smell of it.

She just sticks up the house.

Well, cigar smell, I actually like it.

The smell of cigars, especially the black and mild.

Yeah.

Most pipe tobacco.

Black and mild are pipe tobacco.

Kind of different.

It's not the same.

Yeah, I was going to ask you, do you ever get on Skype anymore?

I've got it.

I never jump on.

Do people use it to message, or what do you do on there?

Do you talk to each other, like, voice-wise?

It's like an internet phone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what it is.

Um, I mean, I've got an account.

I never really use it.

I might start doing that.

I've had a lot of people asking me lately, you know, to get on Skype, to talk to them on Skype.

But I usually don't like to bring up the mics, like the mic and all that stuff.

It takes me a long time to set it all up.

I don't have, like, a regular, like, a gaming headset, you know, just so I can pop it on, you know, and go on real quick.

I might start doing that.

Maybe, oh, look, are you on Skype?

I'm on Skype right now, but I'll tell you, you actually blocked me one time.

I blocked you?

I don't know.

Oh, man.

Well, no, no, I don't want to do that.

No, I didn't mean to block you.

I won't block you.

What's your username on there?

You want to give it out?

Grinch2009.

Okay.

All right, well, next time I get on Skype, I'll make a note to make sure I don't block you on there.

Yeah, I'll check your block list.

Yeah, I'll clear my block list.

Clean slate, man.

Don't worry about it.

We'll be cool.

We'll talk.

All right.

Jonathan, are you interested in doing a show while I'm out?

Maybe you can pick up the...

Do you ever do a show?

You don't do shows on Syndicate ever, do you?

I got a proper equipment for it, but I got to talk to Dino about it.

I just did a reformat on my computer, so I think I'm good to go.

All right, cool.

I'm looking for someone to fill in for me.

I don't know who wants to do it.

Maybe Chuck can do it.

That would be a lot of show for him because he'd be starting at 10 o'clock,

which is like 7 o'clock his time.

I think he works.

I don't know if in his normal time.

I think he ends at 2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

I don't know if he's going to want to do that.

I have to figure something out in the next two to three weeks

because I'm not going to be here.

replay or best of

or something like that.

I'm not going to be around

to kick the stream,

you know what I mean?

So I've got to work

something out, man.

I'm sure everything

will be okay.

I'm sure you guys

will be okay

if I'm gone for a month.

Hopefully I'll come back

and I'll have an audience left.

I've got to do something.

I've got to find some filler.

Any suggestions?

What should I do?

Jonathan.

I'm still here.

Okay.

I thought a roommate

was talking to me.

That's okay.

You're a jerk roommate.

Alright, so seriously,

do you think it would be safe

if I were to take a break

for a month?

Do you think I should

replay or just let

Let someone else go on.

What would be the best, you think?

If you're a listener.

I think either way, someone might have to fill in for you

because playing a replay, you never know.

Someone might get screwed up,

and we don't want that to happen if you're playing a replay on Madhouse.

Right.

Yeah, it'll screw up.

I don't want people to just get mad or tune out.

Yeah, exactly.

It'll be all right.

Anybody can take over.

I don't think it's a big deal.

Nothing to worry about.

Yeah, we've got plenty of people to take over.

Yeah.

I mean, hell, Emmy gets on whenever she wants when she's drunk and crazy.

Emmy, poor Emmy, she's awesome.

Whether the stream is clear or not, we'll find someone for you.

Don't worry about that, Carlito.

Cool.

Thanks, Grinch, man.

Love the support, brother.

All right, I'm going to move on with the show.

Thanks for calling in.

All right, I'll talk with you next week.

All right, well, hi to all your fans and listeners, you know.

All right.

Yeah.

Just want to wish everybody a happy weekend.

All right, brother, man.

And see you next Thursday.

Talk to you next Thursday, man.

See you.

All right.

Ew, turn the mic on, Carlito.

Oh, that's Jonathan.

See, I had to block Crazy Fucker from calling in because he kept blowing up the phone.

Jeez, this guy.

Take it easy, man.

I'll unblock you in a little bit.

Mike says get a heavy flat item and apply it to the corner.

You think so?

But it's bent.

Like, it's seriously bent.

It's got a wrinkle on it, you know, like the paint.

The color in it is like white now.

I don't know.

I'll just give it out.

I don't know.

Then I'll have to ship it out.

What does it say on here anyway?

When is this from?

1997 Lucasfilm LTD.

That's old.

Kenner.

Inside, the Imperial Death Star R2-D2 uses one of his many mechanical assets

to rescue his rebel companions from certain death

within a rapidly closing trash compactor.

Wow.

So you mean to say I bought this 12 years ago?

I want to open it up and play with R2-D2 now.

Yeah.

Mike, yeah, that was a 97 Star Wars re-release.

I guess that's what it was around that time, right?

When they remastered everything and ruined it.

Persian Afghan Kebab from Sunnyvale, California here.

Let's give them a call.

Next prank call tonight is coming right up, everybody.

Enjoy.

Do I have to make a new login, or do I use my original stuff?

You're going to make a new login.

New login to the syndicate now.

I took out Carlito.

Make an order for pickup, please.

You like it?

I like pork kebab.

Yeah, so I have pork with curry spice on it.

Oh, no, it's a pure meat.

No, no, no, no, I don't want carnitas, I want a kebab.

Kebab?

Uh-huh.

What kind kebab?

With meat.

What kind meat?

Persian-Afghan.

Oh, Persian-Afghan.

What kind meat?

With meat, you know, kebab meat.

I know, it's kebab meat.

What kind of kebabs?

We have a lot of different kebabs.

You tell me what's good.

Pork kebabs.

What?

This is not...

You don't have kebabs there?

Did I call the wrong number?

We have kebabs, but it's a different pronunciation.

I don't know which one it is.

Why are you so frustrated, sir?

Am I making you angry?

Hmm?

Are you frustrated?

I'm sorry.

Please don't get mad.

Don't yell at me.

No, no, no, no, no.

Why are you yelling at me?

I have a communication problem with you.

Oh, it's your phone?

Yeah.

Okay.

You want to fix the phone?

Yeah.

uh can you hold on for a second please no that's this guy before remember this is the touch your

number guy talk this is the guy right remember i touch your number you call me hello yes sir

okay so what's the i mean are you repeating the telephone i think it's okay now okay okay now uh

can you get remember do you like it i want to call him huh from where are you calling from

florida far away yeah it's a cell phone you call him from um

Um, Palazzo Fiala.

Uh-huh.

Virginia?

No, I'm calling from my cell phone.

Where are you right now?

That's private information. I'm sorry.

Okay.

Yeah, that's fine.

Okay, so please...

We are closed right now.

No, wait a minute. You wanted to take my order now because you know that I'm not from the United States, so you don't want to take my order.

Oh, I know. That's why.

Because you're a racist? Is that what it is?

Yes.

Uh-huh.

We're busy right now. We're closed.

No, no, no. If you're busy, then you're not closed.

And you were asking for my order, and now you're refusing me service.

Yeah, we not serve it the way you want to, the kebab, pork kebab.

I didn't say pork kebab. You just said your phone was messed up that you couldn't hear me.

That was something like that.

Well, chicken. I said chicken. You kept saying pork, pork.

And I kept saying, I don't want pork. I'm Muslim. I don't eat that.

I only eat halal. I eat halal. Halal only.

You know, where is our location?

Mm-hmm.

Where is our location?

Sunnyvale. I work for Atari. I work in the area.

Uh, what part of San Miguel we are?

I work in Atari.

You know, some people is call, several people is bother us, that's why I'm asking.

So, yeah, and you, maybe you call me.

Somebody order is, uh, last night is not coming pick up, that's why I'm asking.

Are you accusing me of being a bad person?

Uh, no, no, I'm not say you the bad person, but see, you know, there's nothing to know what is the order.

Maybe, maybe I have proof that you don't wash your hands.

Maybe have proof that you don't wash your hands

And that you cut chicken

And you don't wash the surfaces with the chicken

Oh, maybe that's why

Maybe you need to make me some pork

Yeah

Okay

Make it now

We are finished, yeah?

No, no, no

Not until you apologize

No, I'm not apologize to you

Listen

Sorry

You left me

I know you

I know we have the number

You called me

You left me a harassing voicemail

Of my business

Oh my God

Leave me alone

Lon, why you bother the business?

You left me.

Now you started to bother stuff, yeah?

You left me.

And shut it off.

Oh, my God.

Why you bother calling the business?

Jesus.

I'm calling back.

I'm calling back from my local number.

Dude, I cannot get in that chat.

Whatever time it says to log in or create an account, I'm going to let me create one, man.

I got to try again.

You just put in username, password, and it creates it for you right in the front, I thought.

No?

Well, is that not how it works?

That's pretty easy for me, Muffman.

Hey, why don't we do it?

I don't know.

You always have a habit of making everything overcomplicated.

We got another voicemail.

Not a voicemail.

We got another prank call request here.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Why, why, why?

Take it easy.

Check your Gmail, man.

I'm going to send you another request.

Check your Gmail, homo.

Okay.

Check your Gmail.

Your Gmail.

All right, we'll call it.

You win.

Hey, listen.

So what time will you open?

Two.

Can I make an order, please?

What do you like to have?

Do you have chicken kebab?

One chicken.

Okay, you okay?

Uh-huh.

Do you have tandoori rice?

Is this a tandoori rice?

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please.

Can you speak a little bit louder, please?

I'd like to make an order, please.

Okay, what do you like?

I want vegetarian kebab.

We don't have vegetarian kebab.

Do you have vegetarian meat?

Vegetarian what?

Meat.

Beans?

Meat.

Vegetarian meat, no.

Do you have an asshole over there who doesn't make a right order and burn the food?

Refuse to give the money back when I complain?

Huh?

We've got to get a roll out of this guy.

We've got him angry in the past.

He's a funny dude.

It's a call.

Sorry, guys.

I thought the mic was off.

Yeah.

You know, I'm getting tired, too.

So tell me about this MTV thing.

What's going on with the MTV?

Tell me.

Well, you're on MTV.

Your art is on MTV.

They're going to show us, like, look at this.

You can buy this for $10.

Yeah.

Mucksticky.

Remember I did the art for last year?

Yes, I do.

I'm kidding.

I do.

Yes, Mucksticky.

The weed guy.

No, that's in the show that he's on.

That's on the show that he's on, $5 cover, which will be midnight, Friday night, going into Saturday.

Okay, so what's the deal with that?

So your art's going to be featured on it?

Are you going to be on it, or just the art, or how does it work out?

My art's all in it.

Yeah, my art's all in it.

Cool.

All right, so I'm going to DVR it, so it's on MTV tomorrow night at midnight, right?

Yeah, you'll see it on T-shirts and posters and shit.

Okay, cool, cool.

I'll make a note to check that out.

All right, well, next brand call tonight is coming right up.

We're going to be calling the Cuba Cafe and Bar.

Two Cubas in that one.

Cuba, Cuba, Cafe and Bar.

Sweat for my balls, everybody.

CB4, 1992.

One moment.

Yes, sir?

All right, good deal.

I want to make an order, please.

Are you guys still serving food?

Can I still pick it up?

No, kitchen's closed.

What else do you guys offer there?

Cigars?

No cigars anymore.

Do you have any kebabs?

Kitchen's closed.

So what do you do there?

Why don't you answer the phone?

What's the point?

Open.

Can I speak to a Cuban person?

Sure.

What do you need to speak to a Cuban person for?

Because I'd rather not speak to an American.

Actually, the owner just left.

The chef just, he might still be here.

And everybody else is gone.

Are there any Puerto Ricans?

The bar's open right now.

Is Puerto Ricans there?

No.

Not now.

Not right now.

Do you have Pelo Negro rum?

No.

What rums do you have?

I don't know them all.

I have Zaya, Zacapa, Matusalam.

Do you have Bicho Prieto?

No Bicho Prieto.

You can't get that here.

No?

Okay.

I'm imported to Colorado.

No, no, no.

You come some, I go to Bermuda, I pick it up.

I know, I know where it is, but there's no importer in Colorado for that.

No, no, I do.

I can get it.

You get interested?

Are you an importer?

No, I fight a Bermuda and I pick it up.

You know, you can get it legal in Bermuda and I bring it in.

Yeah, sure, bring it in.

You want a beach or a preto?

Sure, bring it in.

Okay.

How big?

50s or the double liters are good, too.

What do you trade for?

I'll pay you for it.

What about your sister?

My sister.

I don't have a sister.

Do you have a brother?

For you?

Yeah, I'll take that.

I'll find one.

No, I'm serious, though.

You know, a hole's a hole.

Yeah, that's right.

When there's a little heat in there.

It depends on how much rum you drink.

Yeah, well, how much rum do you drink?

Tonight, not much.

I'll give you good porking.

You sound good.

Yeah, you like the pork?

Yeah.

No, you're not halal, right?

You like porking?

Yeah, I like it all.

Yeah, that's good.

That's good.

You sound like it, too, yeah.

What about your...

How many fathers do you have?

How many fathers?

One that I know of.

Are you sure about that?

Yeah.

Did you ask...

that I know of,

like I said.

There's a chance

you might have a few.

There would be.

Yeah,

is your mom still around?

Hmm?

Not me,

no,

my mom was only

the one person,

my father.

You sure?

Positive,

yeah.

You were there

when it happened?

Yeah,

as a matter of fact,

I have video of it.

There's video then,

it's probably like

8mm,

could have been grainy.

It was your mother.

My mom?

Mm-hmm.

My mom's your mom?

That makes us brothers?

My father,

my father fucked your mother

and I came out.

Wow.

Mm-hmm.

That's crazy.

My father fucked your mother

I was first, and then I came out.

And then you came in after me.

I'm your older brother.

Oh, sweet.

Yeah.

You're an asshole.

What's up, Bobby?

Why don't you go fuck yourself, all right?

Hang up the phone.

I command you.

Anything else?

No, no.

I think we're done.

All right, cool.

All right, buddy.

See ya.

Bye-bye.

Stupid, gay-ass, fucking, fat-ass Puerto Rican Carlito show.

This is the worst show ever.

This is the worst show of the month.

The worst show of May.

You're listening to it right now.

Oh, man.

You know what I forgot?

Every time that we...

Oh, man.

Every time...

Oh, man.

Every time that we come back from break and it's officially the first of the month after midnight,

I always do the fucking, I played the wrong song.

I'm always supposed to play the Bone Thugs-N-Harmony first of the month.

I forgot about it.

Damn it.

I've never missed it.

Every time that it becomes midnight, it's just...

What, there was a rule?

I didn't even know this rule.

It's just a thing I do.

You never heard of me doing that?

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, I always play that when we come back from the break, you know, after it's...

No!

What are you talking about?

You're crazy.

You're insane.

Because I take my break right before midnight, right?

So when we come back and the first song we play from after the break,

it's always the first of the month officially.

And we always play the first of the month.

This one right here.

Jesus Christ.

All right.

Sinking here tonight, man.

Help us out, Baz.

Give us a hand.

I'll try.

All right.

We'll try a few more prank calls.

We'll be right back.

Damn it, dude, it's 21 minutes and 33 seconds long.

Damn it, it's celebration.

No, we're not.

Well, we can close out with it, man.

That ain't a classic.

Well, didn't really encourage her.

It was more of a...

All right, here we go.

Listen to this while I drink some beers.

...with you?

Slimo Mondark.

He's not a very good...

You look like you're your mother, sir.

Yes, I am.

Yes, just...

Yeah, well, that's what I'm doing.

I'm living forever.

This right will have no boundaries.

No, that's right.

I'm the Queen Mother.

Queen Mother.

This is a prepaid.

Sorry?

You are with, uh, this

number.

If you call the other person away, he goes into undersea cables,

and they make a dual meeting right now

that you are in with this man.

Why would you shut up?

Oh, he's going to sort me out.

Is that a threat?

Yeah, he will.

You know there's a lot of problems in Miami.

Let me let you know.

What do you know about Miami?

I live in Miami.

You live in Miami?

I told you I work for Miami bed.

I think I'm going to have to put the phone down now, sir.

Goodbye.

So I'm putting you down and you're refusing to pay?

Yes, I am.

Okay, well, in this case,

In the name of the American court, I find you guilty of not paying me.

Yeah, you can do that.

And it's a hit.

You're guilty of being an asshole.

Your pardon?

You called the end of?

You don't know the end of my day.

Then fair enough.

This is it.

I mean, that was good, except for the milkman part.

Yeah, that was old.

That was over a year ago.

Remember, yeah, that was like at the end of the show, right?

Like, we were done doing the show and everything, and it was me, me bad.

Milkman and Ted

I think right maybe I think Kokanee was listening

to it so just

you got wild and crazy and we just started doing a

fucking call again man we went right back

on the air with it

I didn't even know where I got the number from

the guys in the madhouse chat room were talking about

Everclear god that stuff is sin in a bottle

started fires with that junk

I remember once I was at a party

I was at a party and this guy had a

bright idea we were in a driveway

and he

He made a, he, he, he poured a line of Everclear going down the driveway, and, um, it was pretty funny because he lit it on fire, and when he said, watch, this is gonna make a streak, you know, on fire, and the fire went from one end to the other, the problem is he ended the, the path, and his oil slicked, you know, like an oil puddle, you know, in the driveway, caused a huge fire that we couldn't put out, we had to put, like, dirt on it and stuff, like a cut, it was like, you know, I guess it was a leaking oil, a car that was leaking oil,

and this fire started in the middle of the driveway.

We were like, oh!

Because this was like these bushes and stuff

where I was going to burn the house down.

We freaked out.

We had to throw dirt on it and put it out.

It was pretty crazy.

Good times, good times.

Back when I was 18.

Yeah, speaking of 151,

I've heard this, I've had before.

You ever had a Flaming Dr. Pepper?

Isn't that like, what is it?

Is it like, it's 151 and something else.

Oh, fuck. 151 is good shit, man.

Yeah, it's $1.51 and something else, and you drop a match in it, and it tastes just like Dr. Pepper.

It's the craziest thing.

I don't know what the recipe is exactly, but if you ever come across someone who says,

hey, try this Flaming Dr. Pepper.

It's really good.

I recommend it.

It's $1.51 and something else.

And then you drop a match, and it lights on fire.

You blow it out, and when you drink it, it tastes just like Dr. Pepper, bro.

And it gets it messed up pretty good.

Yeah, Mike, I was right.

I'll give you a shot of that, chase it with water, don't inhale, and then just right down.

Three-fourths of a shot of Amaretto Almond Liqueur, quarter ounce of 151, and half a glass of beer.

That's right.

There you go.

He's copy-pasting it right now.

It's a good drink.

Tastes goddamn good, man.

Pick it, pick it, pick it.

Hey, Big Paul.

What's going on, Fat Fingers?

Me and you have to have a talk here.

It's a good thing you're calling in.

Why do we have to have a talk?

Because someone, Milkman, let me let you know what happened.

I came home last night, and Athena's telling me,

did you know Evil already was talking to me on Facebook?

And I'm like, oh, really?

You're talking to my girl about phone sex and disgusting stuff?

What's this about?

I was just fucking around, dude.

You said some nasty stuff to her.

You creeped her out.

She reformatted her PC.

It was so nasty.

Don't talk to my girl on Facebook.

She had to reformat the PC.

You're not allowed.

She had to reformat the PC anyway.

How are you doing, man?

I'm doing good, brother.

Good, man.

So what's going on with you and the girls?

I actually had one of those flaming Dr. Peppers, though.

Oh, you have?

Yeah, it was really good.

It's crazy, right?

Just like Dr. Pepper, right?

All I remember is that it was really good.

I probably had a few too many.

Uh-oh.

I was also just doing shots of straight 151.

Oh, man.

Was that when you were up in Jersey?

Yeah, I was up in Jersey with my cousin.

But it does taste just like Dr. Pepper, right?

Isn't it crazy how it tastes just like the shit, right?

Uh-huh.

And there's, like, no soda in it at all.

It's, like, beer, Amaretto, and 151.

Light it on fire.

There's also this other fucking good thing that they were making.

It's called the Force.

Force.

And they take a 16-ounce can of Minute Maid lemonade, pour it in a pitcher, fill that can with vodka, pour that in, and three cans of Coors Light.

And it tastes just like Mountain Dew.

Coors Light?

Yeah.

Oh, God, that's some nasty shit.

And vodka and lemonade.

I used to go to this place for a penny.

You could get a pitcher of Coors Light.

I used to drink just straight out of the pitcher.

Like, I'd get the pitcher, and I'd walk around like it was a beer, like a mug, like a huge oversized beer mug.

I had probably 10 to 15 shots of that.

Holy crap, really?

So what is it again?

It's Country Time Lemonade or whatever?

What is it again?

It's Minute Maid, Lemonade, Vodka, and Coors Light, and it tastes like Mountain Dew, and I probably ate 15 shots of it.

Oh, my God, dude.

You know, for me, I just drink gin or beer.

That's all I do, man.

Actually, I called you that night, didn't I?

Yeah, you were really messed up that night.

I remember you.

You were up there for a funeral getting drunk.

I'm like, wow, okay, these people know how to...

My cousin, I tried to talk to my cousin.

That's the time when he wanted to wish him cancer, wasn't it?

And he fucking dropped me.

We had to go looking for my glasses all over the grass.

It's a good thing you didn't step on them, dummy.

I almost did.

Yeah, and you're blind without your glasses, man.

Remember, you used to drive over here with your...

Exactly, dude.

You lost your glasses in that huge pile of trash that's your room,

or your dorm, or whatever it was.

So you're driving around with your sunglasses.

sunglasses. You're driving out with your prescription sunglasses because you can't find your regular

glasses at like 10 o'clock at night. Crazy ass. That's safe, isn't it? Yeah, oh yeah,

it's safe. So tell me about these women you've been talking to on the phone. You've been

getting phone head, huh? Yeah, I got phone sex after knowing the girl for 24 hours. That's

no problem. You know, I'm going to tell you what, when I was 18, 19 years old, I was actually

quite the phone sex hound myself. I had quite a few ladies out there. Yeah, but you were

probably calling phone lines, weren't you? No, no, it was just girls that I knew. I was

I was into it.

It was my thing.

Yeah, I did call a line once.

There was one here in Orlando that used to be free.

Were any of them cousins?

No, not cousins.

Is that what you're doing, right?

You sick fuck.

No.

Yeah, right.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, right, right, right.

Yeah, sure.

Anyway.

I also have to say, I think crazy fuckers should be waterboarded.

You think so?

Yeah.

Yeah, man, that's not a fun trip.

And if you heard about it, I've heard, like, the toughest of the tough people can only last, like, at the most, like, 10, 15 minutes before they freak out.

Like, I mean, you'll...

I would think after a minute.

Because it's like simulating drowning, basically.

If you think about it, they put a rag on your face, right?

And they tip you upside down, and they pour water on you, so it's like drowning.

Actually, I think the Navy SEALs do that to, like, recruit.

Well, no, there's...

To simulate drowning.

Not the SEALs.

Isn't that in the movie G.I. Jane?

I don't know if they waterboarded her, but...

Well, no, they use the same, like, technique to, like, get her to know what it's like to start to drown.

So, like, if you know what it's like, you have that extra couple seconds, you know?

Right, well, you know, don't put yourself in that situation.

Exactly right.

But I'm pretty sure the SEALs, well, there's certain training that you can get through,

like the anti-torture training, the POW training.

They actually do waterboard you to show how it is.

And, yeah, I mean, they've been doing that since Vietnam, actually.

They've been teaching POW, you know, how to train you in case you do become a POW to only, you know,

you don't give up information.

I'm thinking of, like, as a joke, waterboarding my brother.

Oh, yeah, funny, funny.

You know what?

I think it would be a good joke.

I've talked about it in the past.

I think it would be fun to spray you in the face with pepper spray and see how you react.

How about I come over this week?

Well, we're going to do it on the air.

We'll do it on the air.

You can't do it here because you'll be yelling like crazy.

We'll have to go out to, like, a parking lot somewhere, you know?

A parking lot.

Not my parking lot.

You saw the security guy out here, man.

He can't catch us.

Yeah, he can't catch us.

He's happier than me.

Yeah, he is, man.

That's a big dude.

But he doesn't play, man.

He actually got some people arrested not too long ago.

Some people were coming in here and he was like...

I'll beat the piss out of them.

There were some people smoking weed in the parking lot

and the cops showed up and arrested them.

What the hell are you talking about?

What's wrong with smoking a little weed in the parking lot?

Right, right, right.

Look at Big Outlaw.

Look at the pot calling the kettle black.

Black, two fat people talking about Navy SEALs.

Oh, yeah, you're such a measure of health, Big Outlaw.

Oh, yeah, sorry, Mr. America over there telling us, yeah, let's not talk about Navy SEALs.

I wish we had White Castles in Florida.

I was an 82nd Airborne, Big Outlaw.

What did you do for your country?

Nothing, did you, right?

I wish we had White Castle in Florida, don't you?

Nah, I'm good with my crystals, man.

This is the South.

Don't bring that stuff down here.

What's wrong with you?

We should have, like, a crystal eating contest.

Artie, you know, me and you, we need to go to Bojangles, man.

I told you about the Bojangles recently, remember?

Isn't that in, like, the Carolinas and shit?

It's over here on University now, bro.

What are you talking about?

Oh, there is?

They got 24-hour breakfast.

You can go in there any time you want and get breakfast, fast food.

Denny's does, too.

No, no, no, but not, like, fast food biscuit stuff, like, shit.

Like, not, you gotta sit down and...

No, Denny's.

Yeah, Denny's, but no, no, no.

I don't wanna have to sit there and wait to get served.

I wanna go through the drive-thru and get it now.

Now, now, now.

Oh, at a drive-thru?

Yeah, it's drive-thru.

Fast food.

Mmm.

Let's do it.

I like that.

Why don't you come over?

I don't know.

Make the trip from Volusia County this weekend.

We'll go to Bojangles.

We'll eat breakfast at 5 o'clock in the afternoon.

What do you say?

Yeah, that sounds awesome, dude.

Yeah, awesome.

Cool.

So what else is up with you?

Except I totaled this car.

Again?

Another car?

Yeah.

Why?

How?

I flipped it in the same place.

In the same spot?

Yeah.

Tell me.

I didn't learn the first time.

You flipped the first one.

Didn't you do something in the first place?

No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

Jesus Christ, you're scaring me, dude.

Dude, your driving's getting better at least, though, right?

Yeah, I'm driving like 110 down I-4 sometimes.

Oh, safe.

Not a problem at all until you get arrested.

That's going to be great.

Yeah, that's like, what, 50 over?

Oh, yeah, you know, legally, if you're going 50 over, you can get arrested.

Like, they don't just pull you over and give you a ticket.

20 over, I think.

Huh?

I think 20 over.

No, but I'm pretty sure if you're going 50 over the speed limit in Florida,

they pull you over, they arrest you.

They don't just give you a fucking ticket, they send you to jail.

They don't give a fuck.

No, I'll outrun them.

Artie, I'm telling you the truth, man.

I had 14 points on my license in one year.

They suspended my license for a year.

Don't fuck around with that shit, man.

You don't want that.

You don't want to live that life.

I was driving now with a suspended license for a year because I had to get to work.

I had to do something.

I had to go to school and go to work.

Yeah, what's work?

Exactly.

So, are you going to go back to school?

Are you going to find a job?

You've never had a job in your life, right?

I'm thinking of getting my A-plus certification.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I've got the books if you need them.

I'll help you out.

Oh, you know what?

As a matter of fact, I have all the answers to the test.

All you have to do is memorize the answers, and you're good to go.

I'm actually going to take the test probably a month after I get back from the wedding.

So if you want, we can study together.

Are you getting an A-plus?

Yeah, I might as well.

I've taken a class.

It's easy as fuck to get it, man.

It doesn't mean anything anymore anyway.

It really doesn't.

I already know all the shit I just need to get the certification.

I'm good with the hardware.

I got the answers to the test if you want them.

I already got them on my computer here.

Yeah, so you can just study it.

You probably need a little brushing up on software ends.

Yeah.

All right, well, good luck with that, Artie.

It really, but to be honest with you, A-plus...

I don't want a fucking diet kick.

A-plus doesn't do shit for you anyway anymore.

It's like a, it's a bullshit degree.

Not a bullshit certification.

It's not even a degree, is it?

No, not a degree.

It's certification.

It's bullshit.

I mean, it's good to have, but it's not going to get you anywhere, really.

I mean, you can...

No, some places you can't even get the job.

And plus, with no work history, I've got to have something to put on a resume.

You've never worked a job in your life, have you?

No.

Nothing?

Not even a part-time?

Probably have.

I wouldn't blame it.

Arnie, I want you to see...

By the time I get back from my wedding,

I want you to see you getting a job.

I don't care if it's at the Cinnabon at the mall.

I don't care if it's at McDonald's, Burger King.

Cinnabon, yay!

Dude, my first job was at Cinnabon.

I worked for two days at a Cinnabon, man.

I'm going to get a job at McDonald's.

No, you don't want to...

Actually, you know what?

McDonald's isn't that bad of a place to work.

They don't drug test you.

You'll be all right.

Imagine if I...

Imagine how big I'd be.

No, to be honest with you,

from people that I know that worked fast food,

when they work

when you work

like my friend

he worked at KFC

he said he will never

touch KFC chicken again

it was so

like he got so sick of it

cause you work with it

all day

and you smell it all day

and you

I think I'd like that though

no man

I've heard nightmares

I'd love it even more

no like I will never

go to Cinnabon again

after working there

for like two or three days

just that smell

I'll take you to Cinnabon dude

I can't have Cinnabon

I'm diabetic jerk

thank you for rubbing

into my face

I appreciate it

you can still have it

you'll be fine

yeah and I'll die

it'll be fine

yeah

Yeah, I wish you'd like that.

Have your way with my old woman.

That's what you want.

I'd house sit forever.

All right, man.

What else?

What's up?

What else?

I'm going to move on.

Do you really want me to house sit, dude?

No, I don't want you to house sit.

No one needs to house sit.

This house will be fine.

We're going to turn off all the breakers.

Everything's fine.

No need for you to house sit.

What about the cat?

The cat's going to be fine.

No worry.

Cat's going to be fine.

Sidekick Chuck, come over and take care of the cat.

He'll eat him.

He'll cook him up with soy sauce.

Yeah, I actually did a prank the other night, dude.

It was, I called up a lady selling a dog and said I was going to sell it to some Chinese guy who owns a restaurant.

Yeah?

Awesome.

Yeah, it was really funny.

Cool, kick-ass, man.

When's your next show?

When are you going again?

Wednesdays at midnight Eastern.

Okay.

Artie, I want you to drink some absinthe.

You know that absinthe stuff?

I want you to cut your ear off.

Some what stuff?

I got a, you want me to burn it off?

I got a lighter.

No, no, go find absinthe.

I want you to drink absinthe.

It drives you crazy and it makes you cut your private parts off.

So I don't contaminate the rest of the world.

Yeah, Full Metal Jacket, good movie.

Private Pile.

This is Gomer Pile.

All right, man.

All right, I'm going to let you go.

No, don't let me go.

No, it's too late.

See you, man.

All right, later.

All right, bye.

That's Big Artie.

But he did really freak out Athena.

Like, he was saying some weird shit.

Jesus Christ.

He was talking about he pulls out every time he wears a condom and he pulls out.

It's like, wow, all right, stellar.

Athena was all freaked out about it.

I was like, Athena, he says young.

He doesn't know.

You're going to have to have a Dino family hook you up with some real Uzo.

Oh, man.

They're going to be drinking so much Uzo at the wedding.

Milkman, I really hope you can make it, man.

You're supposed to be in the wedding.

You're going to make it?

I'm going to be there.

You're going to be there.

There's going to be so much Uzo drinking and dancing there.

We've got a live band at the wedding.

We've booked a live band.

No kidding.

Yeah.

There's going to be a live Greek band at the wedding.

300 attendees are estimated.

Well, no, I think it's up to $2.85 right now.

Can I bring my bouzouki?

You know, I did get your invitation,

but it took me a while to figure out who it was.

Really?

Good deal.

Did you get your invitation?

Did you get one?

Because I'm going to be honest with you,

I want to tell all the people,

I wanted to send one.

Did you really get one?

Because I told you,

if you did, I'm happy.

Because I told Athena,

I was like,

Athena, I've got Tuck's address,

I've got Kokanee's address.

I totally got one, dude.

Did you really?

Bullshit.

Did you really?

Really? I gave Athena your address.

No, it was from people in Pennsylvania.

I thought it was someone else at first, but the names didn't register at all.

Oh, okay.

Even yours.

Okay, good, good. Yeah, you did get it.

Because I told Athena, I was like, Athena.

Then I saw Athena.

Right, okay, okay, cool, cool, cool.

And they're like, oh, of course.

Well, I told Athena, look, we need to make sure that Tuck gets an invite.

I want to make sure Kokanee and these people get invites because even if they can't come at this night,

you know, these are friends.

She's like, well, no, we're running out of invitations.

We can't send them out.

But I said, here's the freaking address to send them.

And she's telling me, well, I can't invite everybody, you know.

I can only invite the people who we know are going to come because the invites are expensive and this and that.

I got really upset at her.

I know Milkman, you didn't get one because you're in the wedding party.

So we didn't send anybody to anybody in the wedding party one because we're presuming you're going to come.

and you're going to have a stable address right now because you work around.

So I know Dr. Lego is –

No, I still got the same address, man, but anyway, it's all right.

It's on purple ink.

We sent one to Dr. Lego, but it came back.

It got returned.

I think we sent it to the wrong address.

So I don't know if he's listening right now.

I meant to tell him that when I called him.

He's going to come to the wedding.

It's on purple ink, right?

Yes, purple.

It's not enough postage to go to Israel, huh?

Did you say purple ink?

It's like a lavender color, right?

Is that the one you're talking about?

It should be.

I haven't even seen it yet.

Like, I've seen pictures of it, but I haven't seen an actual...

Like lavender, exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

The colors are...

It's lavender and ivory, I think, as our wedding colors or something.

I don't know.

Anyway, that's the wedding.

Well, good.

I'm glad you got one, Tuck.

Good.

I told Athena specifically, please make sure at least Tuck gets one.

I thought he had white.

Yeah.

Ivory and white.

No.

How much did ivory cost?

I don't know.

Unlike Athena, it's all the same.

Ivory is...

Oh, no.

Ivory and white are different.

Okay, sweetie.

whatever you say

whatever you say honey

Psychics is talking about

Star Wars weddings

yeah

I saw a video

of a Star Trek wedding once

the Star Trek weddings

are crazy

matter of fact

I got a bad tooth

here in Orlando

we've got

there's a Star Trek dentist

what's it called

Starbase Dental

I might go

to get the tooth pulled

by the Star Trek guy

you know

I'll tell you something

this time around

the next time I get

a tooth pulled

if this is the one

that gets it done

I'm definitely

getting the gas

because I've never gotten the gas

but my friend

he was telling me

the other week

that he got a tooth pulled

and he said

he had the gas

I've never been

in surgery before in my life

I've never been

I've never had a broken bone

but I heard the gas

is like

they tell you

count back

from 100

and by the time

you get to 98

you're passed out

and the next thing you know

you wake up

and it's all done

that's the shit right there

right?

it's like it never happened

it's like it's erased

from existence

Star Trek doctor

give you directing guys

I'm not going to say it, but you have a site that's your name.

What was that?

What did you say?

Tuck?

Tuck, I'm saying.

I'm not going to say it, but you have a site that's your name.

Hang on.

I'm sorry.

What was that, Tuck?

What about my name?

Don't give up my last name, god damn it.

I know, but there's a site.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a website.

Yeah, I took a...

Dude, I jumped right on top of it.

I took up my last name.

I don't give a crap.

I was like, hell yeah, I'm taking my...

The domain was out there.

And no one took it

I was like yeah

I'm going to take my last name

Yeah right

Because you know

Someday someone's going to run

For Congress or Senator

Or Mayor one day

And it has my last name

You know

And they're going to want to buy it

And shit take it

I just want it for a wedding

Do they have all the wedding stuff

On the site

Yeah yeah right

Pretty good site right too

I made it in a day

Not even

It took me about two hours

To make that website

I'm pretty good at that stuff now

Yeah

I have to go there

I put mine

Hey I joined the site

Yeah Milkman

Milkman's on the guest list too

Yeah

Cool

I'm so happy you got that

I wasn't expecting that, Tuck.

I really thought you weren't going to get one, despite the fact that I was begging.

I wonder if Hollywood got his, too, because I tried to get Hollywood Vanya on an invite,

even though I know he can't make it.

I was like, please, Athena, just send him a courtesy invite.

It's a nice thing to do.

So, good, good.

Awesome, man.

I feel better now.

All right.

You want to do one more prank call before we get out of here?

It's late.

It's 1.05.

I'm sure Psychic Chuck's like, come on, fucker.

Get off, fatty.

We got, out of these, I got Johnny's Cigar.

Johnny's Cigar and Martini Bar.

Enzio's Italian Kitchen.

Kitchen, Bova's Italian Restaurant, and Corleone's Italian Underground.

Let's call it Corleone's.

Hey, oh.

Hey, oh, hey, Corleone's.

One moment.

Hey.

I still haven't seen the movie Serpico.

I don't know why I'm bringing it up, but I really want to watch that movie now because I've never seen it.

Why?

How come you've not seen that movie?

Oh, and Al Pacino's my favorite actor.

Him and Denzel Washington are good actors.

Well, I'm a big fan.

I'm not embarrassed to say it, but I'm a big fan of Denzel Washington.

I think he's a good damn actor.

Something about Denzel Washington movies, I don't care what they are.

They're always good

011

Plus the country code

And number

Okay

I got one movie

Where he was like a bad guy

Kind of like a

He was pretty good in that one

Training Day

Training Day is awesome

I own that movie

I think that's the only movie

He's been a bad guy in right

I think that's the one

He's got like a little beard

Yeah he had that goatee

You know about Training Day

That's the one

I like that one

That's a good movie

He wasn't a bad guy in junk

He was fighting for his son

The asshole

What's wrong with you

You're going to have a kid one day already

You're going to regret that

He's going to get whatever disease that was

This is a free call

Good

Better be

He wasn't a criminal

He was a conscientious

What's it called

When you break the law

But it's just

Objector

No no no

There's another term for it

When you break the law

But it's justified

Because the law is not just

Social

Conscientious objector

No

That's when you don't

Want to get drafted

Civil disobedience

That's what he was

Hello

No one is available

To take your call

Social misfit

Well fuck you

Please leave a message

After the

He was a civil disobedient

I think

I really think

The only

The only time that

that Denzel Washington has played a bad guy is Training Day.

He played Alonzo, right?

Officer Alonzo.

That's not entirely based on a true story,

but they based his character on that one cop from L.A.

who was in the Rampart scandal.

If you ever get a chance, read that shit, man.

That's a crazy story.

What's that guy's name?

There was in the Rampart.

L.A. cops don't fuck around.

Dude, those L.A. cops.

Dude, this back then, man, this is like late 90s, mid to late 90s.

There was the Rampart section in L.A.

They had this crash program.

It was called Crash, an anti-gang program.

And they had these cops that went undercover to infiltrate the gangs in L.A.

And they became the fucking gangsters themselves.

I'm not fucking kidding.

They were like killing cops and stuff.

Like there were cops and they were killing other cops and fucking doing, you know, like selling drugs and shit.

They got into it.

Like, they got brainwashed into it.

They became fucking gangsters themselves.

I don't know.

There's a few cops.

And they're all, like, even Biggie Smalls' murder was involved in that shit.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

He was a bad guy in that one with Russell Crowe.

Played a drug dealer.

Well, that's the one I'm talking about.

Not Russell Crowe.

He was a drug dealer?

Really?

Denzel?

I don't know.

What the fuck?

I don't know.

I like Denzel Washington.

He's a good fucking actor.

I like Malcolm X.

That's the first movie I saw him in was Malcolm X.

I was a kid.

I was like, oh, that's a pretty good movie.

Well, I guess you could say Malcolm X is a bad guy if you want.

He wasn't a bad guy, though.

He's a good guy.

Strong guy.

I like Will Ferrell, man.

He's really good.

Will Ferrell, yeah.

Very good actor.

Thank you.

Thank you for that, Milkman.

Thank you for contributing.

Thank you for contributing to society with that comment.

Appreciate it.

Awesome.

Everybody's here for Milkman.

Actor, man.

That's a classic, dude.

Yeah, man.

That's one of the classics that's going to go down in history.

Can't wait to see that in the American Movie Cast Classics one day.

You know, another movie I really liked was that Undercover Brothers.

That was awesome, dude.

You know what?

Our attention span

just gone

through a bunch of

complete shit.

Another movie that I

finally got Athena to see,

I saw it in the movie

theaters and I was

screaming.

I was like,

this is one of the

most underrated

comedies I've seen

in a long time.

Don't Mess With

the Zohan.

I hate to admit it,

you know,

I hate to admit that

it was a good movie,

but that movie was

funny from beginning

to end.

It's great.

Dude, I had her see it.

It was on demand

and I said,

Athena, go watch

Don't Mess With

the Zohan.

She watched it and

she was like,

oh my God,

Carlos,

thing

I've ever fucking seen

like the ending

is kind of stupid

but most of it

was like really fucking good

yeah it was good

cash out

if you haven't seen it yet

just have fun with it

don't take it seriously

if you want to watch it

just have a laugh

go watch Don't Miss

and it even has a

political message to it

who cares if it's stupid

it's great

fuck it

yeah just fuck it

fuck it

Psychic Shooker

you're ready

I've gone way over the time

I should have bro

I'm sorry

I know it's 1.10am

It's whatever

11

It's 12.11

10

10am your time bro

Don't get mad

Oh dude

I got shit to do

Oh shit

You can't call show right now

What are you going to do

Pencil in the lines

I got a pencil in the lines

Yes

Hurry up

Alright guys

Thanks everyone for listening

I know we didn't do really well

With the prank calls

I didn't even get to

The news stories tonight

But you know

We just

The toilet part

Boy is coming on

I gotta watch that

On the satellite

Oh god

Don't miss that

I think we might

Yeah see we got

We got another request

A prank

We just can't get to it man

It's late

We'll get to it next week

That's alright

Like the guy just said

Alright so

Madhouse Live is the website

Be sure to check that out

Subscribe to all our shits

Over there

Check out our prank calls

Tonight's pranks

Will be uploaded

They weren't really that good

Kokoni I'm sorry

I didn't get to your news articles

There wasn't that much

In the news

Except for the swine flu

I know a guy got punched

Yeah what happened here

I want to mention

His story here

That's all there is news

That's all the news there is

Everyone's just real freaked out about it

It's like you know

It's not even that strong in the United States

I don't know

Like I got a text yesterday

From CNN

Saying oh it's up to

No Mexicans can get caught

No one freaks out

It's up to level 5

Alert now

What the fuck

What does that mean

What does that mean for me

What does that do

I wonder

Yeah apparently there's a confederate flag

Mexicans are sick

There's a confederate

Alert

Mexicans children are sick

Alert

I wanted to bring this up here

Apparently there's a controversy

About the confederate flag

Is it racist

You're living, whatever

Do you think the confederate flag

Is an offensive racist symbol

What, what, what

What is it

I'm Puerto Rican

And when I see the confederate flag

I'm not really offended

It's just a flag guys

Yeah, I'm not here backing up the Klan

I'm not for racism

I'm, you know

I'm Hispanic

Hispanic, you know, I'm a minority myself.

But just because you see the Confederate flag doesn't mean these people,

you know, the whole heritage non-hate thing.

I mean, don't get so up in a tizzy.

Apparently a kid.

What about Mr. T showing up for the jury duty?

Yeah, Mr. T showed up for jury duty, right?

He didn't get selected, of course.

You wouldn't expect him to get selected, but he did his duty.

So many people are, oh, wow.

You know, as a matter of fact, this week at work.

He probably got to show up.

I did it.

I like the comments he made, though, man.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, he did his own thing.

He got $17.20 for hanging out.

Right, yeah, $17.21.

It's true as if I'm your best.

Yeah.

Man, but if you're goody, I pity that fool.

I pity the fool.

No wonder they kicked him out of there.

Like, shut up, Basil.

Get out of here, you fucking crazy asshole.

But, you know, I want to get selected for jury duty.

I'm not kidding you.

I don't have a problem getting selected for jury duty.

I think it'd be fun.

I would love to do it.

I was a Rainier Shack employee, though, that didn't want to punch out a customer.

Yeah, I've never been selected for jury duty, but I think it would be kind of cool to do so.

If anybody has any suggestions on how to get picked for it, I think it would be cool to sit there and hang out in court.

One time I had to go to court for a bounce check.

I lost my job.

I had written a check out to Walmart, and I lost my job the next day.

I didn't know what was going to happen.

The check that I wrote bounced because they didn't get a paycheck,

because they held my paycheck for three weeks because I lost my job.

They didn't direct deposit it, and I couldn't pay it.

I was unemployed.

I wasn't getting unemployment, and it bounced legitimately.

And I called Walmart and said, hey, guys, you know, this check is going to bounce.

Well, we can't do anything.

You've got to come and pay us.

Well, I don't have the $150 to pay it.

I bought furniture with it.

I wanted to pimp out my stuff, and I bought some furniture, some cheap furniture.

I bought like a futon and I bought like an end table for my bedroom and an entertainment center.

And it's over, you know, whatever.

So they took me to court and I went to court and I got thrown out really quick.

I had paid it by that time, by the time I got to the court system.

But I ended up like, it was really cool to go to court because I heard the craziest stories.

Like they were all like pot stories.

Like everyone was getting arrested for marijuana.

Every case, every other one was like, yeah, well, you're right.

You know, it says, you know, the judge, every single one was like,

possession of cannabis less than 28 grams, you know, and how do you plead?

No contest.

Okay, no contest.

The court elects that you take a mandatory 12-hour drug safety class

and pay a fine of $500.

Basically, this is like cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.

That's all it is, really.

Bullshit.

But there was like this, I swear to God, there was this old black guy with a kid.

He was his grandson.

son and i'm like what the hell is this about so apparently this this this guy um this kid he was

seven years old his granddad let him let him drive his truck in the neighborhood like he was

stupid idea you know the grandfather was in in the passenger side and he let a seven-year-old

seven-year-old grandkid drive the truck down the neighborhood cop pulled him over

and the kid was like he got charges they they actually charged the kid with a crime

So, like, the judge threw it out, but it was like, all right, well, $500 fine.

And the guy, like, he literally said, look, you know, I know you got to do what you got to do, but I can't afford this.

I can't afford this.

I mean, do whatever you got to do, but this is just too much money, you know, he was saying.

And the judge was like, all right, just stay after.

We'll talk about it, you know.

That was a kind of funny story.

And then this dude that was sitting next to me, he was telling me a story how, like, he was hanging out after work.

I guess you can suck my cock.

Yeah, right.

Some guy was telling me, like, yeah, he was smoking pot.

He was smoking a joint on a park bench or something,

and a cop came up to him and arrested him,

and he was like, this is bullshit.

I ain't paying this shit.

I'm going to get this thrown out.

I'm like, all right, yeah, good luck with that, man, whatever.

So, yeah, court's fun.

It's kind of fun to hear everybody else's problems,

especially when all you did was bounce a check when it wasn't your fault.

You just lost your job.

I didn't mean you.

Why am I talking about this anyway?

So, yeah, I want to get selected for jury duty.

Anyway, so, yeah, Mr. T got selected for jury duty.

Lucky guy.

Yeah, anyway, but seriously, the Confederate flag, my story about this, when I was in high school.

I like the guy that went to Radio Shack and got punched in the face.

That was awesome.

I'll get to that.

Give me a second here.

The Confederate flag thing.

When I was in high school, this big mess started.

This redneck kid came into school once, and he had a Confederate flag, and he started waving it around,

and he literally waved it in the face to one of the administrators in the school who was black.

So they suspended him for doing it, and then the kid's dad got all pissed off and said,

well you know it's not a racist symbol

he should have the right

because all the Puerto Rican kids used to come in

with their Puerto Rican flag

t-shirts and they would wear the Puerto Rican flag

little chains and stuff like that

so he said well that's bullshit

because this is America and how come my son

can't wear the confederate flag

and bring it in but all these

rickons can come in and wave their flag

around and all this stuff

and it hit the news and everything and then the Klan

came to school and they were demonstrating

across the street from the school

School made this huge mess, and it was almost a race riot in school, all for nothing, all for a fucking rag on both sides.

And what ended up happening?

Nothing.

They said no more flags on campus.

But for the most part, guys, it's just a flag.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, technically, it's just a flag.

Apparently, this kid has a Confederate flag on his car, was parking it in high school,

and he got into a scuff

with the school administrators

because they said it was a racist symbol.

It's used to intimidate another group and this and that.

Perhaps it is, but people, you know,

really, I think it's time to let it go.

I mean, if you see a rebel flag,

just whatever. Just let it go.

What's the big fucking deal, right?

You see it all the time. You live in Tennessee.

I live in Florida. I see the rebel flag all the time.

It doesn't get me all bent out of shape

and out of a tizzy just because I see it.

It's a rag.

It's a piece of cloth with colors on it

It doesn't matter

The coolest rednecks around have a rebel flag

Of course they're white and southern

But that's not the point

You have every right to be as stupid

And as angry and ignorant as you want

This is America

You know

Only the coolest rednecks

Have a rebel flag

Of course

It's a redneck southern pride thing

That's all it is

I don't know who said it

Someone back in the early days of America said, I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will die for your right to say it.

I think that's right.

I may not agree with the right for a Klansman to stand outside and yell the most ignorant, hateful stuff about my own race, about me,

but I would rather die than live in a country where that person couldn't do that because you never know.

There's no going in that are stupid and ignorant, which is the whole point.

Just don't hurt anybody.

Don't keep somebody from getting a job.

Don't keep someone from living a happy life.

Don't, you know,

as long as you're not discriminating against me

where it's going to affect me directly,

then I'm okay with it.

You can say all the dumb shit you want.

It doesn't mean I'm going to pay attention to it.

It's just bullshit.

It's all blah, blah, blah.

You guys lost anyway, fuckers.

And what else?

Okay, so Milkman, you were saying

some guy went into Radio Shack,

tried to return something,

and got punched in the face.

Isn't that crazy?

Jesus Christ, this is where I'm coming to.

That is awesome, dude.

Dude, yeah.

Apparently this guy came in.

That is customer service at its finest.

That's Radio Shack for you.

And I keep saying here, I don't know how Radio Shack stays in business

because they're all over the place and I never see anybody in a Radio Shack

and they don't sell anything that's, none of their TVs are good.

They're not at a good price and they're not good quality, you know.

You can't, you know, you can just buy little connectors and little widgets

and stuff like that.

I don't know how Radio Shack stays in business.

Anyway, a Radio Shack employee, Lee Carey, was trying to return a purchase.

The employee didn't want him to return it.

He asked for a supervisor, and the employee started punching him like crazy.

Craziness.

There you go.

Anyway, I'm done with the news.

Milkman, you want to take us out of here?

Please make it quick, because we've been bullshitting here for the last five minutes

talking about getting out of here.

I didn't mind.

Man, I didn't mind either.

So, man, it's really good to have everybody along, man.

I hope you enjoyed it.

I did.

Having you along.

You had a big smile on your face, like I did.

and you did a job well done.

Thanks to all our friends over there at

syndicate radio.tv. Nice new chat.

Gino, looking pretty stylish,

baby. All right.

Ericka's looking good. Yes, good to see

everybody. That's right.

Stay tuned for Zolar. He's going to be

coming on for the Party Nation tomorrow.

Don't you dare miss it. All our friends

over there in 98.6

the mouth. We love you. That's right.

Love you, loser.

Another hit, man.

That's the man. Secret legend.

The mastermind.

You've got to love him, man, for sure.

Mr. Tug, that's right, my good buddy, Mr. Tug, man.

Look out for him on MTV and see more stylings coming up in your nearest art gallery.

That's right.

All our friends, man.

$5 cover this weekend on MTV.

There you go.

Coming up on MTV, Kokanee, our good friend Kokanee, Baz, Mr. NFT3 Clay, Maven, my hot girl, Ellie, my hot girl,

all of our friends over there

in the mouth. We love you and thank

you so much. That's right. Invite your

friends that are yet to invite your enemies

because we want to put a

smile on their face too.

Crazy fucker.

I hope that you survived your water

morning. It's very good and I do

admit my guilt. I am

guilty of nigger licking.

Thank you so much for bringing

that up. Anyway, we

will be talking to you really soon.

My brother, we're going to have your new soundboard coming up very soon.

But what would we do without our fearless leader of the Madhouse Militia,

the General Lucy Moe of the Madhouse.

Hermonito, my brother, my Carlito, thank you so much for taking the time to come on here

and bust a smile on everybody's face.

I love you, my brother.

Yeah.

I'm looking forward to seeing you soon.

Thank you, bastard.

All right.

And, yeah, like he said, thanks to Lose and Loser, everyone who listened in.

Yada, yada, yada.

I'm out of here.

Catch you next week.

...is now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network.

You will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Calls (23, 1 h of 2 h 43 min)

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