2009-05-07 Show

I know, I think you have to call a different place for that.

No, no, this is the Indian restaurant.

I would like to have your sister, please.

Okay, you go and fuck your sister, man.

You have a sister?

No, that's why I'm calling.

You take your dick in your hand and fucking shake.

You understand?

Who the fuck is this?

Fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

You fucking fucker.

Gentlemen, right now we'd like to introduce the star of our show.

The young man you've all been waiting for, Mr. Soul.

Fuck you, bitch.

What do you say? Let's all get together and welcome him to the stand with a great big hand.

Good evening, everybody.

Carlito, you're the listener.

You know what that means.

Madhouse Radio back for another Thursday night edition of Madhouse Madhouse-dom.

I am Carlito, your host.

As I said, it is Thursday, May the 7th, 10.13 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Moving along right on schedule.

Here with me tonight, via satellite link-up as always, is the man himself, Tucker Mike.

Big Tuck.

TuckerMike.com, that's his website

Hey, Tuck

Motherfucker, you

I just realized

I never updated the last podcast

The last show on the podcast, I never updated it

Holy crap, I gotta do that this weekend

Well, I got my laptop back

I got my laptop back, so now I can

I got it back today, finally

Son of a bitch

It's working right, too, finally

Milkman is not here, I don't know why he's not

But he's not

find out. We're going to call Milkman and find out

why he's not here. Who the hell does he think he is?

He's cruising the L.A. highway, no way.

Somewhere. I'll give him a call here

and see what's up with him.

My website is up there.

It's madhouselive.com.

Something like that. I'm not sure how you spell it, but

that's where it's at.

There you go.

And, yeah. So we do prank calls

here. We have fun.

We're going to do some of this, some of that. Be sure to send

your request here. If you're using LL or Yahoo

Yahoo Instant Messenger, you can send in your request to me.

MadHouseLive is the website, MadHouseLive.com.

If you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, MadHouseRadio is the screen name.

Again, MadHouseRadio if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, MadHouseAtLive.com.

Send me a message, why don't you?

Tell me how you're feeling.

While you're there at the MadHouseLive website, be sure to check out our podcast,

our forums, our archive of prank calls and prior episodes.

Make sure you enjoy yourself.

and um whatever then don't put too much pressure on me the form's still operational yeah why wouldn't

they be is there a reason were they downed or something i didn't know if i haven't been paying

attention i don't know i haven't been in a long time i have no idea if people are still using it

oh well thanks stuck for your support yes people still use it yes they're still there as a matter

of fact that's where all our prank calls are at thank you for your support i appreciate that

like uh nothing like a good show of support for tuck seeing as i stayed up late to watch that

The show on Friday, look at your banner.

I'm the very anti-MTV thing.

So, Tuck, what's the show again?

Are you going to be in any other episodes,

or was that just a one-time thing here last week for that premiere episode of that show?

Well, the art and stuff is all in the series.

Okay.

So, Tuck, we're over here.

Who's on the air with us now?

His art's featured on MTV.

Every Friday night around midnight Eastern.

$5 Cover, that's the name of the show?

$5 Cover, yeah.

On MTV.

It was shot in Memphis by a guy who did the Hustle and Flow and the Black Snake Moan.

Cool.

All right, folks, check that out.

He's a Mr. Memphis movie maker guy.

Mr. Memphis movie maker.

Mover and shaker of Memphis.

Big town over there.

Big hubbub over there when the cows get loose in the middle of the city right here.

Yeah.

Mighty big mess when that cow got loose there downtown.

All right, folks.

The big murder cap of the world now.

It's moving up.

Memphis is not like it used to be.

Memphis, I've heard, has had trouble.

I used to watch Cops out of Memphis all the time.

I always had problems over there.

We've got a lot of numbers coming in from Lonesome Loser sending in numbers over here.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

Just a prank call, confirmer.

Lonesome Loser sending in Beachfront Hotel Hokitika.

Hokitika.

Beachfront Hotel Hokitika.

They're in New Zealand.

All right.

We've got some numbers in New Zealand here, actually.

We've got a lot of numbers in New Zealand.

New Zealand night tonight, perhaps?

All right, we can do that.

Yeah, there are English speakers there.

We've got the Siu Wan Thai restaurant, Martin Bosley's restaurant, Dockside restaurant,

the Sebel Trinity Wharf, and Grand Park Seafood Chinese restaurant all here ready for us to

prank call.

Let's give Milkman a call and see what's up with him.

They'll read all over him.

We'll see what Milk Girl is up to.

I've heard from him all day today.

I don't like him.

Please enjoy this call tone while we connect you.

He usually calls me, especially on a Thursday.

Oh boy.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

He's waiting on word of getting a new job.

Hopefully he got it.

We'll find out.

Hey, what are you doing?

We're good.

We're on the air, Milkman.

Oh, okay.

I'm just getting set up, man.

Oh, okay.

Cool, cool.

You going to join us in a second then?

Yeah.

All right.

Well, we'll be here waiting on you.

We're going to put the whole show on hold just for you.

Okay.

Well, I'm already in the chat.

I'm just pushing up my audio mics and all that.

All right, man.

We'll unfold your cables.

Do you think he didn't know it was Thursday?

Yes, sir.

All right, man.

Talk to you then, man.

Talk to you in a little bit.

Milkman is setting up.

Good.

I think he did that

when that was Thursday.

I think he didn't.

Wasn't that

when that was Thursday?

Oh, man, I'm late.

So it's like,

hey, uh...

I'm late for an important date.

Bro, let me tell you something.

You sent me that weird,

crazy video,

that Alice in Wonderland thing,

whatever,

but you just posted

that link in the

Madhouse chat room

for everyone to see.

The YouTube...

Right.

Yeah, that...

For some reason,

that got me in the mood

to actually...

I started remembering,

Alice in Wonderland, the Disney animated version of it,

I actually liked it a lot when I was a kid.

For some reason I liked, I don't know if that means I'm gay,

but that was my second favorite Disney movie right after the Robin Hood one.

The Robin Hood, old version of Robin Hood, animated version was really good.

It was a favorite of mine.

And Alice in Wonderland, it was just really trippy.

That was the example of the video that I was given.

And what it is, what it seems to,

YouTube is U as in Y-2-3-U-O.

Hang on.

It's tricky.

Yeah, it is.

I can imagine, but apparently the video that...

Y-3-O-3-U-T-3-U-B-E.com.

I don't know.

I mean, it's cyclical.

It is YouTube.

It's spelled differently.

And you type in a YouTube video address, and it gives you that effect.

It's like a script that takes YouTube videos and gives you that trippy effect to it.

Cool. Well, that's awesome.

What's your favorite? You're not an animator, but you're an artist.

I put it in the chat room. I'll get everyone.

Yeah, everyone check it out.

What is your favorite of the Disney movies, those animated ones?

What's your favorite one?

Do you have a favorite at all?

Oh, God.

You know, Lion King was really good.

Do you have an actual favorite?

I'm not sure if I have an actual favorite.

I like Jungle Book a lot.

I wasn't a big Jungle Book fan.

I like some of the, I don't know.

Yeah, it's hard to make a decision.

It's one of those things.

I don't like the 70s ones, the boring ones.

But I like anything prior to the 70s.

Okay.

And some of the 90s ones are all right.

Okay.

Okay, well, the 90s, the only one I liked was, like, The Lion King.

I never saw Aladdin.

I didn't get into that.

I didn't get into Little Mermaid or nothing like that.

Something I would be into watching, though.

Aladdin was pretty good.

I mean, they were all pretty good at the time.

You know, I had nephews, and I went back to the nephews.

So I would watch all those damn fucking videos over and over again.

Some of them were pretty good, you know.

Yeah, I've never seen The Three Caballeros.

I've never seen that one.

I heard it's a good one.

Probably three.

Isn't it Donald Duck and three Mexican-looking crows or something?

or Three Chickens

or something like that.

Yeah, Donald Duck

and Three Parrots

or Cockatoos

or some shit like that.

Right, right.

Yeah, I'll have to check that out.

Your Money Show Rules, right,

says they agree.

The Robin Hood.

The Robin Hood was good.

The Robin Hood was a good one.

Yep.

That'll make them

what they used to.

They used to make those videos,

those movies here in Orlando.

They used to do that animation.

Now here,

they had an animation studio

here at Universal,

at Disney Studios.

No, it wasn't the Jungle Book DVD recently with the commentaries and everything behind the scenes.

It was pretty fascinating, I thought.

Okay, cool.

Cool, man.

Nunez says, stop talking about gay cartoons and do pranks.

He really cares about his pranks.

There's going to be one day when I'm not going to do prank calls anymore, Nunez.

What are you going to do?

Find a new show?

Guys, they don't give a shit about our gay cartoon talk.

I'll go ahead and do things that want to hear you disrupt the lives of other people on the telephone.

Made people feel like shit, exactly.

All right.

Well, in that case, let's go ahead and call the beachfront hotel Hokitika.

Shame on all of you.

Hey, Milkman.

How you doing, Milkman?

Money.

What's happening, my brother?

Nothing much, Mr. Toilet.

Good to talk to you.

Milkman has a job now fixing toilets, I understand.

That's good.

That's good news.

All right.

That's right, man.

I'm in the box to pay a business.

name. All I need is a little

duct tape, masking tape,

a little bit of APB syrup,

and we're back in business.

Cool, yeah. Just to let

you guys know, we only have one more show after

tonight. After tonight's

show, there's only going to be one more show next Thursday,

and then the show's going to be out for a good month

because I'm going to be on vacation. I'm going to be

getting married, and I'm going to be

going on my honeymoon

for a long time, going far away, far away

from you people, thank God, and

hopefully you people will try to follow me.

Yeah, so I'm looking forward to that.

So enjoy while you got it.

I don't know who's going to be on our stat in syndicate.

Hopefully you will better your lives because of the stat system.

All right, cool.

Well, anyway, we're calling New Zealand.

Let's see how this goes.

If the call connects, it doesn't seem to want to connect right now.

There we go.

New Zealand.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Look when you have way too much background sound.

I'm going to do some of that background noise because I just had to mute you.

Beachfront Hotel.

I didn't have enough.

If you know the room extension number, please dial it now.

or choose one for reservations, two for liquor.

Please hold while I transfer your call.

Good afternoon, reception.

Faye speaking.

Yes, hi.

I was calling interested in that deal on the tires.

Apparently if I come in and you guys have a deal on tires if I spend the night.

On tires?

I was just listening right now.

I was on hold and it said to come in and you get free tires.

No, it's a radio ad.

Yeah, I know.

It said that I was the number three caller, so I accept it.

That's fine.

So we're a hotel

And what you were listening while you were on hold

Would have been a local radio station with an ad

All I know is that I was on hold

And it said you're the third caller

You win a free set of tires

From Think Pink Tires or something

Okay, well, when you're put on hold

What you're listening to is a radio station

Yeah, it said that I won

Yes, but not with us

Well, who?

Didn't you say pink radio?

I don't know.

I didn't have a chance to copy it down.

It was just on the radio.

I don't know.

Could you please connect me?

No, I can't.

I don't know.

Your system told me that I want free tires for calling in.

I'm the third person to call in, so I'm calling to have a like my tires, please.

Look, I'm sorry.

What you're listening to is a radio station.

And it said I was the third caller, and I got a free set of tires for my car machine.

So I think...

Yes, and that's...

But are you denying that the telephone told me this?

Because the telephone just talked to me and said I was a winner.

Sorry, who's speaking?

This is Valente. I'm from Chicago, Illinois.

Okay, just a moment. I'll pop you through to our general manager.

It won't be a moment.

Get popping.

I'm speaking.

Hey, buddy, I just heard an offer when I was on hold

that said I was the third caller and that I won some kind of prize,

and this woman is refusing to give me the prize money.

Shoot me?

I was just on hold, and the phone told me that I was the third caller, and I won a prize.

And I'm wanting to claim the prize before I, you know, check in, and she's refusing to, you know, accept my order.

The piton thing is the radio program.

Well, whatever it was, your phone told me that I had a prize to claim, so I'm claiming the prize.

Whatever it is, I would like it.

Well, as I said to you, the thing you heard is a radio program.

And the thing it told me was that I got a free set of tires.

Yeah, so you have to be by the radio station.

Well, I'm calling in now to accept it in the hotel.

I called the hotel to make a reservation for spaces,

and you people told me that I was going to get free tires,

and now you're refusing it.

I don't think that's fair.

No, it's a radio program that told you.

Then maybe you shouldn't have the radio program on there

if they're going to lie, if you people lie.

What can I do for you?

I want my tires.

We didn't offer a prize.

No, wait a minute now.

Are you calling saying that I didn't get here on the phone now when I was on hold that I won a prize?

I don't know what you heard.

As I said, the program we have on the telephone, ground and basically waiting music,

which is directly tuned in to a radio station.

So whatever comes on is actually what the radio station has to offer.

Can you roll the tape?

You'll hear what it said.

I know you folks monitor your calls.

Pull the tape and then you'll see what I mean.

It's not a tape.

Who was talking to me on the phone that said I won a prize?

That's who I need to talk to right now.

He's obviously the person who's in charge there.

I don't know who you are.

That's the radio station.

I can find out which radio station it is.

Are you the janitor?

Who's the manager there?

You talk to him.

You don't sound like much of a manager to me.

You're refusing service.

Sorry, sir.

I mean, we can go around the bend on this one for hours.

No, we're not refusing service.

I can come and get my tires in about ten minutes.

Well, we don't have any tires for you here.

Do you have a car?

It's the radio station.

Do you have a car?

Sir, please.

Give me your tires.

I think this conversation doesn't take us anywhere.

You're going to give me your four tires, God damn it, or I'm going to sue you?

Well, feel free to do that.

I mean, you must be American.

Either you're going to give me your tires nice and peacefully or I'm going to take them by force.

That's the bottom line.

So what's it going to be?

Well, you can try to take my tires, but it doesn't really make much of a difference.

I mean, as I said, it's a radio program you listen to.

Well, I don't know.

The man on the phone said, hey, congratulations, you're the third caller.

You get a free set of tires.

hold the line and they will give you your tires in a second and the woman said she said

exactly what she sounded like bastards all righty tires everybody tires i really want tires

let me take a sip of my beer here i hope you guys uh are okay with being american or wherever you're

from doesn't need to be offended or embarrassed of being an american i'm quite proud of it uh

Yes, Milkman, I am here.

Milkman, there better not be any background sound.

All right, Milkman, I'm unreading you now,

but there better be an improvement in your music, in your sound quality.

Well, what's it going to be?

My sound quality is impeccable.

It wouldn't be for me.

There wouldn't be any good music.

Sounds like crap to me.

It sounds like you're very far away from the microphone,

and there's a lot of echo and wind in the background.

Echo, echo.

Jesus.

That was a good prank call.

I think I enjoyed that one.

all right the little india bistro and tandoor authentic indian cuisine they're in new zealand

also let's give them a call i hate both of you monkeys i like milkman a little better

oh man am i getting oh man am i getting nervous about the wedding guys

i don't know how to dance i've just figured out i gotta dance with athena and my mom i don't know

know how to dance i don't dance run away i'll tell you what milkman knows last friday right

milkman i actually i literally ran away kidding me i had just no way i had just about another

milkman honestly i don't i can't understand i don't know what's wrong with your mic i don't

know where you have it i don't know why it sounds like crap but you got to fix it you got to do

something you got to work with me here i don't know what's what are you doing with it what's

There's no more I can do, man.

I guess I should just log it off, man.

You're all muffled.

It sounds like you're on speakerphone or something.

How far away are you from the mic?

Yeah.

All right, man.

Well, I will catch you guys later, bro, because it's not going to work tonight.

Hang on.

Well, can you turn the bass down on it, or can you get close to it at least?

It just sounds like you're really far away, like you're talking over here like this.

Yeah.

All right, man.

Oh, God.

You guys have a good one, all right?

All right.

We're going to continue the show here.

Here at Little India Bistro in Tandor.

Authentic Indian cuisine, as I said.

They're in Kappa.

He's probably not feeling good.

He'll be bagging about it.

That's the best thing I can do with this thing.

That's perfect right there.

That's what's possible.

Wait a minute.

What's that right there?

Whatever you're doing now is good.

What are you doing now?

You just had it.

You can hear me now?

Well, yeah.

Now you sound good.

Yes.

What are you doing now?

What's the fucking difference

between what you're doing now

and what you were doing 10 minutes ago?

I changed the cardioid pattern on this mic.

There you go.

So I changed the shape of the audio.

The diaphragm?

you bent the diaphragm differently good it's a diaphragm like yeah it's a large diaphragm like

yeah for your ass so you don't get ass babies okay good we'll just keep touching the diaphragm

and you're fine just do that you don't have to go just gotta fucking all right cool good all right

i heard if you don't kiss the girl while you're doing her you won't get her pregnant

little india beast you're in tandoor let's all shut up well that's true

You should get that red ring around your lips, though, man.

You don't even need lipstick.

Good afternoon.

Hello, hello.

This is the Indian place.

Hey, hey.

Sorry?

This is Gonzalez.

This is the Indian place.

Yes, this is the Indian place.

All right, good, good.

Can you take my order, please?

Sorry, we are closed.

What time would you open again?

Five o'clock in the evening time.

What time is it now?

I just got off the plane.

Now it's three.

So you're not open yet?

Not yet.

Can you put a request for me to come pick it up after you open up?

So I can make the order now?

For the chur.

You have papadums?

One.

Shit.

One papadum?

Yes.

I also need one shit and I need one banshut, please.

Sorry?

Banshut, please.

One papadums and...

One banshut.

We don't have.

No, there's no banshut there?

Because I heard you're a big band, the biggest banshut of New York.

Who's you?

Who's talking with me?

This is Valente, your master now.

And I heard that you're the biggest banshut in New York, huh?

Sorry, the wrong number.

No, no, no, this is banshut I'm talking to, right?

All right, I'm calling right back.

Fucking banshoot.

Getting a little miffed.

Getting a little smart with the mouth in me.

It just takes one click for me to redial.

I'm getting him warmed up to see if this works.

It's taking a long time to dial tonight.

Usually it's, like, quick.

Longer than expected.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

I don't know how late I'm going to be able to stay up.

I know I said that every week, but literally tonight I'm tired.

We got a number for Ecuador.

I'm not sure how much the minutes are over there.

Columbia?

Yes, may I speak with the banshoot again, please?

Speak to whom, sorry?

The Banshoot?

Yes, I'm making an order for Banshoot, and the guy refused my service,

so I need to make sure that he got my order.

You want to place an order, is it?

For Banshoot, yes.

What is Banshoot?

It's a meal. My friend told me to order Banshoot for him, and I'm trying to order.

I said, Papa, I was in Banshoot, and the man who you put on the phone before insulted me

and refused to give me my free tires.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why are you being so quiet? Were you covering the phone?

I'm not covering the phone. I'm just trying to understand what are you trying to say.

What is a banshoot?

What is banshoot?

I think you're in the background talking to somebody, making plans and putting on airs.

No, I'm not doing anything, my friend.

Okay.

I'm just asking because this is a restaurant called Little India.

We serve Indian food.

Okay.

And how can I help?

I own this restaurant, and how can I help you, my friend?

You can take my order.

You can put the manager on the phone to take my order.

No, no, I take your order.

Now, first of all, we are closed at the moment.

We close at 2 o'clock for lunch.

My paper says you open at 5.

You open at 5, right?

Yeah, we open at 5 o'clock, yeah.

So you will take orders?

You want to place an order and you want to pick it up at 5?

Yes, yes, that's right.

Okay, okay.

So what would you like to order?

One order of papadums.

One order of papadums, yeah.

And then one order of banshoot.

What is this banshoot?

It's a milky sauce.

You don't have, eh?

Milky sauce.

Is it an Indian item?

Is it an Indian dish?

Yes, are you Indian, or where are you from?

Yeah, I am, I am.

I'm an Indian, and I've never heard about a dish called banshu.

Well, then maybe she puts the owner on the phone who can tell me who knows what's going on.

I'm the owner, my friend.

I'm telling you again and again, I'm the owner.

Well, you don't speak very good English, maybe.

Maybe there's someone else there who can take the order who understands things.

I do understand things.

I'm trying to tell you, my friend, I started this restaurant 10 years back.

I don't believe you.

Okay?

Huh?

I think you're lying to me.

And I think you're keeping the real manager at bay because you know.

You know that I'm going to report you to him and that you might get written up.

You'll report to whom?

I'm going to write you up, sir.

Matter of fact, what's your name?

I'm writing you up right now.

What's my name?

Yeah, spell your name for me because I'm writing you up right now.

You're writing what now?

I'm writing you up right now, sir.

I have my paper and I'm going to write you up.

You're going to write me up, is it?

I'm writing a bad report, a bad review for you.

Okay, about what?

Because you're refusing service and you're, you know, you're...

No, I'm not refusing service.

I'm trying to take an order from you, and you're telling me something which I can't understand.

Okay.

Where did you get this term, Banshoot?

Where did you get that term?

Who told you Banshoot?

My friend from India, Sanjay, told me to give the call and order the Banshoot.

That was good, Nihil.

I wanted to eat Banshoot.

Okay.

So can you put Sanjay online?

Can I talk to him?

Did I just tell you?

You know, I can explain what is, I want to understand what is Banshoot from him.

Okay.

Give me a second.

What's your name?

He's going to want to know who you are.

He's my manager.

Yeah, just tell him I'm the owner of Little India Restaurant in Christchurch.

And can you put Sanjay online? I'll explain to him what is Bhenchod is.

All right, give me a second. Could you hold, please?

Yeah, yeah.

Just a moment, sir.

Sanjay!

Hello?

Sanjay, are you Sanjay?

Bhenchod?

No, no, no. Your name is Sanjay?

No, no, no. My name is Bhenchod. I'm from Kurdistan.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

You're okay.

I'm very happy to talk to you, sir.

Hello?

Yes.

What's your name, sir?

Can I have one of the banchot, please?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to know what banchot is.

Madachot, banchot.

Oh, madachot.

Okay, okay, okay.

Are these all dishes?

This is for you, banchot.

I have for you.

I have here your banchot that you give banchot.

Okay, okay.

You have banchot.

You are sending me that dish.

Okay, okay, okay.

Right?

Durkee, durkee.

Okay, sir.

Okay.

So, you want, can I talk to the other man now?

Oh, yes, I'll put him back.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Yes, sir.

Did you get, he said he ordered the banshee or not?

Yeah, yeah, he placed the order and I'll see him at five o'clock.

I'll keep one banshee and one mother chukka ready for him.

Okay, do you have...

And if he can come at five o'clock, yeah?

Do you have sister?

No, no, I'll get the dishes ready for him.

What about your sister, though?

What about your sister?

Will she be ready?

Okay, okay, I think you go to the wrong place.

No, no.

You wanted that, is it?

Does anybody have sister there?

No, I think you have to call a different place for that.

No, no, this is the Indian restaurant.

I would like to have your sister, please.

Okay, you go and fuck your sister, man.

You have a sister?

No, that's why I'm calling.

You take your dick in your hand and fucking shake.

You understand?

No, no, I like sister.

Your sister, I think she sounds good to me, maybe.

I mean, I will give you my sister, but she does not have no sister.

So maybe you give me your sister.

All right, everybody.

You heard the man.

We'll take our dick and we'll shake.

That's a penis sword fight, huh?

Oh, man.

Is that better now?

I'll try to adjust his audio.

Oh, man.

He finally turned at the end.

How long does it take to get pissed off and curse you out?

Oh, he was trying to play it off, like he didn't know what he was talking about.

We'll take our dick in.

But I like your Kurdish guy.

He was pretty good.

That was retarded.

That was the worst ever.

He just kept going off.

Do you think he...

No, it was funny because actually the guy got suckered into it.

Yeah, for a little bit.

All right, let's see what else we've got on deck here.

A lot of people listening tonight.

A lot of viewers here tonight.

I also want to thank all of you over at SyndicateRadio.tv and all our people over at 98.6 The Mouth.

98.6 The Mouth.

Crazy Heretic checking in also with the details on madarchod, etc., etc.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah, man, I'm at a bit of a mistake.

And I got to be careful of this because one day it's going to bite me in the ass.

I have a habit that I take my pills, right, my diabetes medicines,

and I put in one of these, one of these things where, you know,

you got the seven days of the week, you put them in there.

Well, for the weekends, I know.

All the little capsulators.

Yeah, I think it's Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

But anyway, so I put my pills in here, but for the weekend ones,

I usually just put in miscellaneous stuff in there.

And apparently I put in a painkiller because I only use this for during the week.

And on the weekends, I just take them here at home.

I don't need this.

This is for work, you know, so I don't forget.

And I accidentally took a pill that I thought was a diabetic-related pill.

It was actually one of my mom's painkillers.

And then it started hitting me like an hour later.

I took it and I said, well, I've got a diabetic pill.

It's small and yellow.

and I saw one there

and I thought it was Fridays

and I mean I thought it was Thursdays

and it looks like it was actually for another date

it was a little more yellow than the other ones

and I said is it either one of my mom's painkillers

or it's my Evandia

and I said what the fuck I'll take it

and sure enough here we are

we'll see where we go with that

so I probably can't

I'm drinking a beer too

and it's just starting to go

the room is spinning and spinning and spinning

it's 10.46pm eastern standard time

Yeah, man.

Perhaps, perhaps.

All right, let's see what else we got in New Zealand.

I posted the link to those videos, that thing on the chat room.

Can someone do that for the syndicate people so they know what the fuck I'm talking about?

All right, so when you go to that YouTube, you're saying that you can convert any YouTube video into that format

where it kind of makes it all a bunch of screens in one?

Correct.

Really?

So can you do that with the Madhouse YouTube stuff?

You know, I've got a bunch of pranks up there.

Is that possible?

Would that work?

I'm sure you could, yeah.

Ooh, that's creepy.

Yeah, I'm sure you could.

Can you make one?

Do you have to make it?

How do you do it exactly?

Do you just add to the end of it?

No, you just go to the .com itself.

Okay, okay.

And then it asks you to...

It's a different page.

And it tells you...

You type it in the video you want.

And you can control the frames.

Wow.

Should you just copy-paste the YouTube link?

Do you just copy-paste the YouTube link?

Is that what you do?

Yeah, you can just copy-paste YouTube.

Oh, wow.

All right, well, cool.

I'll copy-paste it for them.

The last one you copied, is this the one for the Alice in Wonderland,

or is that a different one that you just copy-pasted in there?

I think it's the Alice in Wonderland, yeah.

The last one I did just there, the second one.

All right, do I just post it in there?

We'll check that out.

Yeah, that was really freaky and cool.

And I was thinking, if I was a partaker in the weed, like I used to be,

I might be able to spend a whole hour just staring at that, dude.

Yeah, but that video is crazy.

It's like a deluxe sort of weed.

Yeah.

Who knows what else.

But I don't do that anymore.

Those days are over, my friend.

I'm a grown-up now.

Imagine that, blown up on a screen in a rave or a dance club somewhere.

Holy crap, I know, right?

Make me lose my balls.

I'd choke my balls off.

It'd be so crazy.

Choke them right off.

Right off my cock.

Oh, man.

All right.

Oh, wow.

Interesting.

Choke my balls off.

All right, folks.

Let's do another one.

Scenic Circle Airedale Hotel.

They're in New Zealand.

Red bag in a moment.

And we should call back the beachfront also.

Complain more about their refusal to give me my tires.

Thank you, everybody, for listening tonight.

It is May the 7th.

I leave for my wedding trip starts a week from today.

Please just give me the fucking time video in that format.

Dude, that would be cool, right?

right yeah someone make that cost of this call is two cents per minute you have nine minutes of

talk time to this number thank you for calling scenic circle the airdale please hold and one

of our operators will be with you shortly yes hi buddy um i have a little bit of a complaint i was

calling your sister station over there and they were refusing to give me my tires that i was

supposed to get when i made a reservation they advised me to call in here and make a complaint

register a formal complaint with the owner are you a manager of the owner of the establishment sir

i am not the manager and my manager is away but i can definitely pass on the message oh yeah well

i don't know who's in charge right now i can pass it on to my manager for sure what does the manager

get back i mean i want to talk to somebody you know as soon as possible sorry this is just on a

I can't appreciate this.

This is not right.

Can I know what is the complaint, sir?

I was supposed to get a free pair of tires, and you people refused to give it to me.

Free pair of?

Free pair of tires, yes, sir.

May I know your name, please?

This is Valente.

Valente, Jack Valente.

Jack Valente.

Right.

Will you be able to...

You're looking for the Airedale Hotel.

Uh-huh.

The Airedale Hotel owes me a set of tires for my car.

Set of tires for your car?

Yes.

Did you see, did you say, stay here before?

Yeah, and I was told that I was going to get a free pair of tires.

And I've been waiting on you people to ship them to me.

Now, let me tell you something, sir.

Do you have a car?

Yes, I do.

Why don't you just give me the tires off of your car, we'll call it even.

I need to talk to my manager regarding this.

No, no, no, no.

You, between me and you, if you give me a set of tires, I'll take it easy on you.

I won't come down on you.

I'll take it easy on you and it'll be just between me and the manager.

But if not, I'm going to sue you also.

Also, can you please give me your tires on your car?

Give it to me.

Can I have your, when did you stay here?

The date of arrival?

It was, I think it was the 31st of February.

31st of February?

Yes.

February does not have 31 days?

It does in the metric system.

Does not have 31 days?

I'm talking about the metric system that we use in the United States, sir.

It's February 31st, 231-09.

131st February.

231-09.

February does not have 10 days?

Wait a minute, now you're trying to confuse me with a different format of dates.

What I'm telling you is here in the United States that, you know,

31 days have November, April, June, February, and December.

Only May and April have 21.

May and April have 21 days.

That's how the song goes.

30 days have June, September, February, March, April, and November.

Only December and April have 31.

Okay.

And then sometimes H is a vowel if it's silent.

Yep.

Yeah.

I'll definitely pass it on to my manager.

But who's in charge right now?

I mean, are you the person who's in authority?

Yeah, for the time being, I am at the front office.

I'm going to fax you a paper, and I want you to sign it and send it back to me.

Yep.

You're going to sign the paper when I fax it to you, right?

It's a release.

Sure.

It's a release that you're guilty.

It's going to fax.

What's your fax number?

Give me the fax number so I can send you this paper.

I want you to sign it and send it back.

Yeah, just a second.

...gathering.

Call us to make your reservation, or book online at scenic-circle.co.nz.

This man is talking about faxing a paper.

Thank you for taking the time to enter the world of Scenic Circle Hotels in New Zealand.

Time is a very important commodity, and we won't keep you waiting any longer than necessary.

Bullshit.

Please continue to hold, and we'll be with you shortly.

There truly is no better place to stay in New Zealand and experience the famous Kiwi hospitality

hospitality than in a 100 new zealand owned and operated hotel bullshit kiwi hospitality

those people are assholes do you begin with the hotel something i want to mention while we're on

hold here um tuck and i figured out about that alice in wonderland movie everybody that everybody

in that movie fucking assholes to alice no one that fucking mad hatter that rabbit assholes the

caterpillar was a fucking asshole the rabbit was an asshole crazy they're all assholes why they're

They're all crazy.

Even that cat's a fucking asshole.

That's what the problem is.

Even that cat.

I'm going to tell you things if we're in there.

Yeah, hi.

I'm here.

Yes, who is this?

The owner?

Am I speaking to the supervisor manager person?

Yes, you are.

Now, when did you come in?

Because that man told me that you weren't going to come in until much later,

and now all of a sudden you showed up.

I'm not too sure what it is.

What was that beep in the background?

What was that noise?

That's concerning some of the computer system.

If you're recording this call, I order you to store all copies of the tape

If immediately you don't have permission

No one is recording this call

Do I have your word

I want your word as a man

That you're not recording this call

That there's absolutely no recordation of this call

No this call is not being recorded

How can I help

Give me your word as a man

Say that

I don't have time for this

So if you could please

Send me an email

That would be great

Maybe you're a woman

And I'll attend your email

No I don't send emails to women

I only send them to men

Okay you have a good day

Thank you

Put a man on the phone

Asshole

I forgot to ask

Check your g-card

Yeah, I just saw it.

And then Zohar told me that I should have told him to blow me instead of the tires.

It's a good idea.

Let's call him back and offer that.

Bleh.

The alarm check I just sent you, man.

I screwed it up.

I screwed the alarm up.

I pulled the cable on it again.

I've got to re-solder it.

And I'm out of solder.

Oh, shit.

I'm out of fucking solder now.

And then we should call...

Remember last week we talked to...

Well, okay, everybody missed it there.

I told Carlito to start playing the alarm and tell him that a train has been detected on the line.

Yeah, dude, that reminds me.

We should call back corporate security from last week.

Remember corporate security last week?

Oh, shit, we're down to one minute.

How'd that happen?

We have plenty of time.

We had 47 minutes.

Hi, sir.

I want my, I need your fax number, please.

I need to send you a fax, and I want you to sign it and send it back,

proving that you're guilty.

to you um please um i think i just spoke to you on the phone just a few minutes back right no it

was less than a few minutes you've been calling you've been calling this number it's a business

number and you're disrupting our work i would ask you why are you calling us and what is in

reference to you people you can take an email shut up you people okay well i don't have time

for this excuse me i do not want to speak to you you're under authority you give me the fucking

fact you have a good day thank you do not ring here back i don't want to give this number to

To the police, okay?

Oh, no, the police.

Who are the police?

What are they going to do?

Hit me with a billy club?

I'm scared of the New Zealand police.

Well, he took care of you, huh?

He took care of you for a long time.

I call them back when I'm out of fucking Google Talk minutes.

Fuck.

I don't call the bobbies on you.

Yeah, right.

Oh, wow.

I think he got his point across.

I don't even think New Zealand has an army.

Can't kick my ass.

New Zealand police probably don't have guns.

He knew he had to handle you.

Well, no, he doesn't.

Matter of fact, he doesn't.

If I had more minutes, I'd tell him.

As a matter of fact, I'll have to get more minutes.

He doesn't know shit.

He doesn't know to handle and grapple you to the ground.

No, he doesn't.

Well, we're going to need non-international numbers now.

Because we just ran out of local numbers.

That sucks.

Dude, we had numbers in Malaysia here also we could have called.

Oh, that sucks.

Fasilia Restaurant.

The Chung Hup Restaurant.

Kampung Malayan.

Portview Seafood Restaurant.

Adu Temalat.

Thank you.

Oh, bye.

Woo, I'm tired.

Tired.

I'm trying to stay awake, folks.

Take it easy.

New Zealand police just got their first radios.

That's pretty funny.

All right, so in the meantime, we're going to need numbers from the United States, which I don't have available.

Oh, you know what you guys know what I've been addicted to for the last week?

For some reason, drinking iced tea while eating boiled peanuts.

I don't know why, but I've been in a boiled peanut and iced tea kick.

Oh, I love boiled peanuts, man.

Oh, man.

Especially that.

that. Cajun. Cajun ones. Oh, that's what I've been getting. Some of that pickled garlic.

I really love that, too. That I haven't had. I've had the Cajun ones. I've been buying

the Cajun boiled peanuts and drinking them with sugar-free iced tea. Tons of it. Oh,

man. Oh, hell yeah, dude. I used to choose up and down. I just kept looking for those,

man, whenever I was working. Yeah, man. That's good stuff, man. Boiled peanuts. Lowered

it. I think I talked about that. Maybe did I talk about this last week? I tried to make

them and I can't. I have no idea how to make them on my own. I tried them once. I bought

I bought the raw boiled peanuts.

The raw peanuts.

They're great.

I bought raw peanuts once and I tried, you know, putting them in.

I tried to, you know, cook them up and eat them.

It didn't work.

I don't know.

I guess I had to slow boil them for a long time or something.

That's a Florida delicacy right there, buddy.

Yeah, man.

Orlando Magic had a bad game last week.

So I always say I'm a big fan of the team since I live in Orlando.

Wait for Austin and Derek Fisher.

Each of them got suspended.

I didn't know Derek Fisher got suspended also.

But wait for Austin got suspended for slapping in the head last night.

and that horrible game that we had.

The game that the Magic decided not to show up to.

Rafer, not Rafer, but Dwight Howard and, oh, who are the other guys?

Both got dunked on big time.

Stood back like nothing.

I guess the dad just took a dump there.

He got his incense stuck and pulled it out.

Next prank call, and that's coming in a little bit.

If I can find the number thing.

Here we go.

Junkabuster.

They're in.

Are these the people that Reclute called that one time?

Those are classic calls right there.

Let's try that.

that what does it mean wasn't a junk buster the one that now those were in a different place

i'll just down there today actually i can a junk man call probably is that what you're talking

about you know the guy he said he was gonna pick up reclude like a refrigerator he's making racist

comments about mexicans when we call them yeah remember that junk buster can i help you hey

buddy how you doing good this is valente sir i'm going i'm going okay i'm going through my emails

and my voicemails here

on our corporate directory overnight,

our emergency voicemail,

and I have several threatening messages from you

that you made several months ago.

Really?

I compiled this information.

You're really scaring me.

I compiled this information.

You know what?

Buddy, bug off.

I compiled this information,

and I'm going to sue you.

That sounds like Artie.

To place a call, press 2.

For Google, please enter the phone number

you would like to dial followed by the pound key for international please enter zero one

you know what is this the same guy uh this is valente yes who am i speaking with okay

i need to thank you listen listen listen no no no i called i think you got the wrong person i need

a fax number person i need a fax number to send you i need to send you a fax and i need you to

sign it and send it back i i think i'm gonna fax my fist in your face and i'm gonna call the

police after i do so if you call me one more time well i already i'm on a i'm i'm on a list

do not call list okay well this is not a solicitation you stupid shit this is not

one more time i'm calling the police i give me your fax number you fucking returning to main

menu you have known please enter the phone number you would like to dial followed by the pound key

for international members this is a free call keep talking buddy keep talking because you're

on a recording right now i need your fax number please so i can send you this this paper i need

you to review it my attorney you've got the wrong person my friend i have you on tape what are you

looking for what is my name junk buster what is my name junk buster you call you left threatening

messages on my voicemail no no no wait a minute i am not junk busters you see that you're talking

No, no, no, you asshole, you called over here and you made threatening messages about Mexicans

that you were going to pick me up and my people up like a refrigerator, you were going to

throw us, you told the...

Oh, you're that asshole, you're looking for trouble again out there?

I'm going to sue you.

You're that one over there...

I'm going to sue you.

You're that asshole that...

No, you're this guy that called me with your drunken friends about a month ago.

I had the police come out on that, actually.

Really?

And I talked to the police.

Well, that's funny because the police sent me, I sent a report to the police,

and they said I was under authority to bring up a lawsuit.

They gave me permission to send a lawsuit against you because you made threatening messages against us.

And we have you on tape.

We have you on tape.

Do what you wish, because, you know what?

You give me, what is your attorney's fax number?

Because I need to send him this important information for him to sign.

You're not doing nothing pal

Because I had the police

I filed a report that night

I have it in my drawer

So do what you wish buddy

The cops were out

And the date's gonna be there

And the police address

You call me one more time

The police station's right where I'm at

I'm going over there now

And I'm gonna let them know

Cause you guys are the ones that troubled me

Maybe you could

No

No sir you called back our voicemail

You see you're threatening me right now

You're threatening me

I got you on tape threatening me

Returning to main menu

you have no new messages please enter the phone number you would like to dial followed by the

pound key this is a free call you have reached we provide the truck the loading and the hauling to

the dump i will call you back very shortly thank you at the tone or do you miss fuck that guy

his word against mine and i didn't file a report against him you guys may not remember it

he's a racist guy he already called the cops on you last month okay he's got the papers in his

drawer um let me look in the forums let me see if uh if in the madhouse forums they ever got

i don't know if hollywood got those or not let me see god i have no idea when that was though

it was a long time ago good question i can look i can look a couple weeks ago so i don't know

no this is several months this is at least two months ago this is wow i don't think they ever

ever got isolated man you know i could look in the podcast and i might have a description of it

and then i might be able to tailor it to that yeah people search out through the courting

defunding yeah that's true it was funny though i can't believe there were several calls this guy

was like calling back and said yeah you're you've got a drunk mexican one of your drunk mexicans

calling over with your company phone i'm gonna tell you what he's he's pushing me to the edge

you don't remember that at all he's pushing me to the edge i can't believe you don't remember

Remember that.

He was telling me that.

That's kind of weird, Milkman.

What's all that about in the background?

Sounds like an NWA video.

Milkman, you're dropping a lot of packets, buddy.

You got a lot of packet loss.

I'm going to power cycle your modem.

That's what you sound like, Milkman.

I'm looking, I don't see shit here

Give me a second, I've got to do something real quick

I'll be right back, listen to this

I want to see what services you guys offer

and get directions

Trying to get directions over to Denman's Club

Okay, we're in

Ashford Avenue

How'd I ever get here? I speak Spanish

To Diva's, it's a La Concha

Hotel La Concha

Down there, what's the kind of rates you got on there?

today sunday with your cover charge you get a free drink

expenses is 30 dollars a vip room starts at 240 yeah wait what's the last one for 240 vip room

so it's uh what's going on in there i don't know what happens for you you have to get a

Well, I'll tell you what, buddy, I feel like a VIP in this car.

Treat me good over here.

Wanted to see, uh, wanted to see, you guys got a donkey show in there?

I went to see a donkey show last night over in Havana.

I'll tell you what, I'd like to see something like that.

They got the craziest thing.

You ever seen the Godfather?

They had it in there, too.

I didn't think it really existed, but it was pretty amazing.

This is a gentleman's club.

We have girls dancing on stage, uh, Thompson.

Oh, the girls only.

The gentlemen, the gentlemen.

Yeah, but I mean, it's girls only.

Ain't got no man dancing.

So, uh, okay, you know, what's the address again there?

Yeah, he's gonna catch up. It's right across the hotel.

Hotel.

Hotel, according to him. He's gonna know where that is.

All right, let's see what else here.

Oh, yeah, have you guys got anything?

Is this, uh, legit, or they got something on the side,

you know, where you can, like, say you want to take?

I heard you guys are, uh, you know, it's more of a country than a U.S., I figure.

Is there any way we can get some girls home with us, or what is that?

Some place that does that?

Yeah, you can take the girls and...

You can't touch it? What do you mean?

I don't get it. I mean, I thought I came over here, you know, have some good times and drink some, you know, pretty much, and that's it, huh?

Okay, what if money was no object? Because I am an oil tycoon.

What if the girls touch me?

I don't want shit food again.

They're not allowed to touch you at all?

What in the world kind of gentleman's club is this?

Well, we got something down in Atlanta that's a better than this one.

You can do anything with it. You can even take them in the back room.

The thing is that there's different clubs that have different rules, but we've, uh...

Okay, well, can you recommend a club that's, uh, not very strict?

Clubs that are not strict, there are some in Puerto Rico that I don't know the names,

and it's, uh, like in the, uh, the other day in the middle, they raided one, and they took

it, they arrested everybody, so that's, uh, that's a risky part of that.

Oh, jeez.

I got payout on any of that.

You don't want none of that.

What about something where they got, uh, have, like, uh, you can do it legitimately,

have, like, bribe stuff you take with you, or...

Roger, if you check in the San Juan Star, there's a big...

Yeah, because I need to be escorted around. I have no idea what I'm doing down here.

Figure, why not a good young lady?

There's something that offers escort services, and you can check that in the newspaper.

Oh, wow.

I thought you guys were a little more third world country, but it seems like you guys have got laws in effect.

We're part of the United States, sir.

They can't do all that mess.

Thank you.

What was the name of that paper to look in again?

San Juan.

The San Juan.

Okay, so S-A-N.

I don't want.

Just like the capital, San Juan Star.

Oh, okay, San Juan Star.

And then you've got the Esquire.

Hey, wonderful.

I appreciate it.

What's your name, sir?

All right, thank you very much.

I appreciate your help.

And you're a wonderful guy.

Ever since I read.

More your country.

I found the episode.

It's on January 15th.

It's here in the write-up.

But I don't have them isolated.

I could try to find them.

See if I can.

January 15th episode.

It says here.

10th.

Does anybody do ecstasy anymore?

Does anybody do ecstasy?

A drunken Mexican calls for junk towing, gets the racist business owner irate.

That's Raglood right there, the Mexican who's drunk.

Yeah.

Still loading.

It's taking a lot of load.

I don't know if this is going to work out.

I'm going to have to isolate that on my own.

I'm surprised Hollywood didn't catch that one.

But quite a few of them.

I mean, he left messages back here also and stuff.

It was quite a bit of stuff.

I'm really trying to stay awake, guys.

I'm falling asleep.

sleep i'm nodding off in my chair as a matter of fact you can hear my it's coming in and out coming

in and out moonsome loser sending in more numbers to see what he's got here the sitar indian cuisine

aroma indian scenic indian is also here the playboy mansion in la home of the playboy home

of the uh home of the half see i'm gonna have to let this whole thing load four zero seven okay

Okay, the first number.

All right, we'll get to it later.

Okay, folks, don't go anywhere.

We're going to call the perfect $1 Chinese food, everybody.

Don't go anywhere.

I don't know if I have you.

Yes, hi, Didi Mao.

Hello.

Didi Mao.

Hello, Didi Mao.

How are you?

Good.

Didi Mao.

Can I ask you about your lonesome, please?

Who?

Your lonesome, your lonesome.

Can I ask you about your lonesome?

Maybe I should brew some coffee.

I don't know.

I brew coffee now, and I'll be able to get back to sleep.

11.21 p.m., Thursday, May the 7th, Carlito falling asleep behind the mic.

Everyone else, I'm sure, is falling asleep behind their speakers as well.

Quail, and I didn't mean to do it, man.

I just ate the wrong thing.

I thought it was my yellow diabetes pill.

It was one of my spare things for my knee injury a few months ago when I hurt my knee.

Yeah, man, that's far out.

Just like that, just like you sound.

Oh, yeah.

Stop doing that.

You're freaking me out.

We're calling Indian food again.

More Indians.

When and how to call the Indians.

Okay, Milkman, stop it.

You were calling Sitar.

There's a creepy guy over here who just called me from this phone number.

He's talking really low with a dravelly voice, talking about getting slow or something.

Can you please report him for me?

Excuse me?

Some guy got on the phone over here from this number.

He's talking really slow, talking about doing drugs.

He took a yellow pill on accident.

And he's calling from, did he call just a second ago?

A little bit ago, yeah.

I'm not sure.

Because I'm the only one that's here right now.

I checked on the caller ID, and this man was calling, making nasty calls.

All right, I'll look into it.

Thank you.

Well, don't hang up, please.

Hello?

I'm stupid.

May I help you?

Hello?

Hey.

Yes?

Hey, man.

Someone made a nasty call from this phone number.

Who was that?

What kind of phone call was that?

Someone made a nasty, disgusting call, and I traced it, and it came from this phone number.

What is your phone number here?

Your phone number is 415.

No, no, your number.

407.

We didn't make any phone call.

I made a phone call to ******.

Wait a minute now.

I traced your call.

I did a trace.

I had star 67 and I traced it.

And the operator said that it came from this Indian restaurant.

Then a man called him.

He said something about my sister.

We didn't.

Somebody ordered delivery food here from this ******.

Do you have a sister?

I just gave a call to get the credit card number.

That's how.

Do you have sister?

I'm really not feeling it tonight, you know.

Let me try to play that recluse stuff.

Let me see if I can find it.

I'll have the recluse stuff with that junk touring guy.

That's why I need the junk.

Here we go.

I found it.

Hello?

Do you know where the Los Altos Park is?

Do I know where the Los Altos Park is?

Yes.

We got it.

Yes, sir.

I do.

Okay.

It's over on the northeast on Tulane Avenue.

Okay.

I said, sir.

You know?

Okay.

Well, where are you from, sir?

I don't know.

Are you drunk?

No, my cousin, he gave me the cell phone.

Okay.

Well, why don't you call your cousin and have him tell you where the Los Altos Park is?

No, I'll give you the address.

You got the wrong number, my friend.

What's that?

This is in Long Beach.

You got the wrong number.

Huh?

This is in Long Beach.

I'm not information.

Hey, listen, cocksucker.

I got a park over here

We need the garbage picked up

Where are you from?

We need to have trash picked up

What are your problems?

You asked me where the Los Altos Park is

No, I said do you know where it is

Because that's where I am

I need the junk picked up from here

Don't you understand?

You know what?

Shove your trash up your ass, fool

Hey, you're an asshole

To place a call

See, the guy is an asshole

You can't tell me he's not an asshole.

Yeah, let him come to me.

But call the police.

I got him.

I'm so used to it.

That is a classic.

I guess that's what you got from all these.

That was one of the critical violations.

I'm supposed to have some redneck from down south or some shit.

Yeah, Travis County Health and Human Services.

This is among the critical violations.

Okay, failed.

It's recent.

He's looking for trouble with me.

I mean, you come down here.

And he's drunk.

You're such a tough guy.

You know what?

I have his phone number, and I'm going to call the police right now

because I don't want to come out and beat the fuck out of you

because you're pissing me off, you motherfucker.

I'm a business.

And you want to fucking play?

I'll eat you for lunch.

Hey, Joe Bendejo, I don't like you.

You want to fucking play?

I'm going to give you, I don't like you either.

So stick your fucking, he called me a cocksucker, you motherfucker.

Okay?

You want to fucking play?

We'll play.

I'll fucking throw you over the border.

I'm an American.

So don't you fucking call me.

You call me one more time.

Your fucking friend is going to jail.

I'm calling the cops

and I'm giving them this number right now

that just called me

and you guys are going to get

you know what you asked

one

okay he's an asshole

he says the same thing

the same thing he told me now is the same thing he said back in January

wow that was almost four months ago

that guy doesn't change does he

oh we found it there we go

for those who were wondering what we were talking about

when we were talking to that guy earlier

that's who it was the junk buster

I don't know what happened man

I don't know

I think there's more I know he called back

he left a voicemail at one point

he's like yeah I don't know you got some Mexican guy calling over here

I'll tell you what they're good looking broads though

they got some

they can be they got big asses

you're a bunch of assholes

that's a shitty joke

you listen to me

Hey, hey, hey, Junkbuster man, you damn immigrants come in this fucking country,

start calling around threatening my workers, my hard fucking workers with their yellow necktails.

I'm not an immigrant, asshole.

You fucking, look at you, look at you, fucking hanging with your fucking fag boy.

Go fuck yourself, you call me again, I'm calling the cops.

When I get done, when I get done, when I get done with the lawsuit that I'm going to put on you,

you're going to be begging.

Dude, please don't call.

Oh, that's one.

More and more and more, that's all in the podcast.

figure it out. January 15th episode.

Funny, chock-full of laughs.

I got a kid, man. He's a pretty funny

cat. Oh, look at Evil

already shaving. He's got

an old video of him slapping his ass

or pulling his ass hairs out

or something. Jeez. Thank you for that,

Evil. Oh, wonderful.

Beautiful. Thank you.

Please give us

more. Oh, man. Please

make a daily YouTube

vlog of your

wiping habits.

Yeah, please.

Let us watch you.

Artie should make a video of him wiping his ass.

Please let that be the fill-in show for Carlito during his hiatus.

Artie, you know, Syndicate Radio is all balls-to-the-wall now, uncensored.

Now we're all on our own.

Artie, go to the bathroom and get some toilet paper and wipe your ass on camera.

I think I'll stay around for that.

He's on his way.

All right, good.

All right, cool.

Cool.

So I'll watch that.

looking forward to that everybody evil art is gonna wipe his ass live on camera there he goes

oh my god he's tucking it in oh i did not need to see that and he just made the show shot he does

he does have a pussy look at him dude that's not right oh my god that is weird look at he's got

three tips too man jesus christ arty please okay that's enough i was just kidding he didn't have

have to go all um buffalo bill on us please just stop all right god kill me now hey listen

you don't have anything to worry about but arty is totally disgusting but he has some

pretty big hooters we've got one gigantic one right in the front all right well this one goes

out to evil arty all right let's all right we're gonna call the uh sungandahi uh indian cuisine

let's see if this goes better than the other ones that chocha was uh really disgusting

And they're really good for you.

This is Goodbye Horses by Q Lazarus.

Q Lazarus' Goodbye Horses from Sounds of the Lambs.

Hi, Goodbye Horses. I'm crying over you.

Hello?

Yeah, can I make an order, please?

Sure.

Okay, good.

Goodbye Horses. You know that song, Goodbye Horses?

You want to order something?

Yeah, I called another place.

They put me on hold, and they started playing that song, Goodbye Horses.

Because you know what happened in that song when they made that song?

No, I don't know.

This man, he took off his clothes and he put his penis underneath his back.

He tucked it back and it looked like a woman.

That was very disturbing.

You guys don't have hold music there.

I can't prank call tonight.

I'm just so tired.

It's so painful for me to stay awake right now.

I want to end the show.

I'm going to end the show.

I got to end the show.

All right.

It's interesting that you are tired when you're coming up with your diet.

It takes the lotion and rubs it on Artie's skin.

That's exactly what it is.

Oh.

I love that song.

Let's play it again.

Artie, do the tuck.

Do the...

Artie takes the dead lotion and rubs it on his skin.

Artie, do the tucking thing again and dance to this song.

This is just...

I want a Sounds of the Lambs moment real quick.

Do the toe-trap thing again.

Yeah, yeah, do that again.

Tuck it back and dance to this.

Put a robe on

And look just like a fat puss

And then put lipstick on

And then ask us if we'd fuck you

Put like a lipstick around your belly button

Would you fuck me

I would fuck me

Show your titties

That's what Doug wants

Doug says show your titties

Let's call the Playboy Mansion

Let's ask them about that movie

Is what Artie's doing

Is that live

or is that just, like, camera stuff?

Like, is it all recorded?

No, it's a clip, dude.

We've been doing a clip for a while now.

Well, stop doing the clip

and show us your vagina again, Artie.

That's kind of hot.

All right, we're going to call the Playboy Mansion.

Yeah, we're going to pitch some more, man.

Fucking jam.

Don't fuck with that song.

Golden Crown, how can I help you?

Hey, Golden Crown, I had a question.

How many people could you support

for a wedding reception

or maybe a rehearsal dinner?

Okay, let me have you talk to my manager.

Hold on.

Shit!

Yeah, that woman just said a nasty word to me on the phone.

I appreciate that.

Pardon me?

That woman just said a nasty phone on the phone.

What do you mean, now?

Yeah, just now.

I was next to her.

Well, someone said a very nasty word, the S word, very loud on the phone.

No, nobody.

Maybe it was you in the background.

Do you talk like that?

Is that your normal conversation language?

No, I did not say a nasty word.

I did not say a nasty word.

Ask her who said the nasty word, please.

I don't know.

Only two people are here, sir.

Well, ask her who said it.

I don't know.

Did you say it?

Maybe a change in music would help out.

I don't know.

That Stone Ponies was pretty good, dude.

That was really creepy.

You're about to send that to the lady, too.

May I help you?

Yes.

Did you hang up on me, sir?

Pardon me?

Did you hang up the phone on me, sir?

No.

No?

Because I was talking to you earlier.

I wanted you to write somebody up, and you hung up the phone, I think.

No.

Nobody hang up your phone.

Who is this?

Is this the owner-manager?

You want to order something?

Well, I wanted to make a complaint because someone said a bad word to me,

and then the other person hung up the phone on me.

You want to complain?

I complain.

This show's going nowhere.

I am complaining.

All right, let's call the Red Onion Lounge and complain.

Fuck me.

Hi.

How you doing, girl?

So, what's going on?

What's this?

Hey, big girl.

I have a complaint.

I went to the restroom,

and there's something that occurred there.

I think I should maybe just speak to a manager

because I don't...

You know, it's kind of a crude conversation

that I'm going to have about something that happened.

You jerk.

Are you in the bathroom right now?

Yeah.

Well, come out here and tell me.

Well, no.

Come inside the bathroom with me.

I want you to...

No.

Will you come inside the bathroom with me?

No.

I want you to watch me urinate.

Whatever.

Please?

I'm masturbating right now thinking about you.

In the diner somewhere.

Why don't you appreciate it then?

And in the diner somewhere.

She sounds like she's getting...

A woman is waiting for a man to come out of the bathroom.

Who's masturbating?

How do you send Artie in?

You lose a hoodie instantly,

Especially when it starts on that

Cho-Cha crack dance here

He's a shaver too

Oh my god that'd be great

Oh man

Okay

Pick some of the dead

Insenses

Isn't Artie on a bunch of local places

As you and

Phil Miller or something

Speaking of Artie

Artie should get ready

What could happen to Artie

And his little

Cho-Cha crack dance

I don't know

You really want to see that again

I don't see him like sperm on a face now

I don't see him dancing no more

Well because you probably like sperm

On people's faces

So you put

I told him to put

Put it up there.

It was crazy calling people, would you fuck me?

That's funny.

I should call people, would you fuck me?

Oh, fuck me.

That's weird.

I would so fuck myself.

It rubs the lotion on Artie's nose and lips.

Oh, man.

Let's stop talking about Artie.

But anyway, seriously, Artie, are you feeling about it?

Psychic just said he couldn't do a show tonight.

But if you're into it, please do.

too, because I'm getting ready to

sign off. Rail Yard Casino

Ale House. They're in Billings,

Montana.

I could do a whole hour of

crop dancing and stuff like that.

I could put a little dildo in there, too.

I think there would be quite a few

viewers in there.

Get out of here.

I already did Sprint Kohl's.

Last call of the night.

I know it's an early show, but you know what?

Early to bed, early to rise.

That's what the old Negro tale says.

That's HM1C.

What are you talking about?

Dr. Lego checked in.

This is the Rail Yard Alehouse Casino located 2526 Montana Avenue.

I'm sorry we can't get to the phone.

Leave a message.

Go fuck yourself is what you can do.

Dr. Lego, I left you a message today.

I wanted to know if there was still a chance that we could get a discounted room in Jersey for the 23rd.

16 days from now, I guess.

It'll be two weeks from this weekend.

I don't know.

He's going to call me after 12.

Cool.

Let me know.

room, Milkman, I don't think, are you going to be able to make it to the wedding? What

do you think? It's coming on a short time here. Yeah, man, I'm going to be there, dude.

We're going to definitely be partying down. Right, you got to kind of, you kind of have

to have your plane ticket, I think, by tomorrow. If not, I don't think you're going to make

it. I'll make it, bro. He's trying. Lego's trying. I know, buddy. Let me know tomorrow,

man. Give me an idea. If not, then I might have to pay out the nose. I mean, no matter

what. Can we see Athena naked? She's not allowed. Athena's not allowed in my bachelor

your partner?

What are you

talking about?

You can't bring

sand to the

beach?

What's wrong

with you,

dude?

I'm no better

than that.

All right,

milkman,

take us out

of here so

we can get

some sleep

before I fall

asleep in my

chair here,

which I probably

am going to do

at some point

here before the

night's over.

Hermano,

you need to

lay off those

play loops,

man.

It's not my

fault.

Thank everybody

for joining in,

man.

It's been an

awesome show,

and we've got

a whole house

full of weird

little points

to come out.

There's our

awesome head

Heavy hitter there.

Oh, my God.

What the hell?

Oh, God.

R.T. is getting worse.

Anyway, he's playing with himself now.

But Lonesome Loser's a man.

Without him, my goodness, what would we do without our numbers yet, man?

God bless Lonesome Loser.

So can he, our on-staff reporter, Mr. Tug, our on-staff artiste, and crazy-ass fucker that's always I.

I'd like to thank all of you guys for joining.

And there's a little man.

$5 cover.

That's right all them

That's right girlfriend

We love you

We'd like to thank

Everybody for joining over there

All our new listeners too

You're welcome and we're glad to have you

And hope that you can come back too

All our friends over there at Syndicate

Crazy Artie

Over there playing with his fat cho-chop

On the air oh my god disgusting

Dr. Lego you rock man

You little fucking Lego

I hope to see you two up there at the party.

Gina and all the gang, man, we really love you.

We're really glad that you have us over there.

It's good to be a part of the whole thing.

Especially you, though.

That's right.

You are our listeners out there.

Even if you didn't make it to the chat, you know what?

It's all about you.

We pay to have the most interactive entertainment provided for you.

All you have to do is invite your friends and invite your enemies.

We've got the dime.

You just give us the time, and we'll share a smile with all of you out there.

But don't forget to tune in next week, because we're going to have an awesome presentation for you next week as well.

But remember the leader, our fearless leader, the Madhouse Militia.

That's right.

I'm Juanito Corrido.

Love you, brother, man.

Thank you so much, man, for getting us all laughing.

And I hope that the Kralut High wears off.

Nine minutes remaining for this call.

You big brother.

Just trying to request a prank that we got from a guy named Joe.

Joe, I guess a friend of his, or his stepdad, got caught masturbating in the bathroom at the Outback Steakhouse using A1 Steak Sauce.

Not a joke.

That's his story.

I mean, that's what he said.

I tried to call, but he's not answering.

That's the guy who said we pressed the point.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, I remember it.

I forgot.

You didn't get a response.

Can't say it didn't try.

Get that on my list for next week, man.

You can't say it didn't try.

Well, thanks, Burger Time, and join the First Live Madhouse.

We've got a lot of people checking in from the podcast, live, here and there, every once in a while.

It's good to see you folks making it for a live show.

Sorry this wasn't that good of a show, but hey, we did the best I could.

I'll update that podcast with this week's show as well as last week's.

And again, Lego, try to get a hold of me tomorrow, man.

Let me know about that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Milkman, did you finish?

You're done?

Good.

We thank Lonesome Loser and nobody for calling in, right?

And that's it.

Yeah.

Yeah, and Tuck, make sure you visit Tuckermike.com and watch MTV's Midnight.

Back on the cover, MTV, Midnight, tomorrow.

Yes, sir.

All DVDs.

Hey, post that, Carly, or Armani, too.

Have Tuck post his link to his MTV art presentation.

That's right.

Madhouse Live, Artistic Extraordinaire on MTV.

Post that, please, Tuck.

I definitely don't want to miss that.

I got it set on my DVR to record every new episode, so I'll launch it.

I'll post you the MySpace, and you can actually see episodes of it on there.

All right.

Thanks, everybody.

Catch you next week.

There you go.

No message.

Where you going?

Y'all better have your pencils ready.

Number two.

Radius Live, Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Yo, fuck you, fuck it.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (12, 49 min of 1 h 32 min)

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