2009-05-14 Show

Who the fuck is this?

Listening to the House Radio Podcast.

Who the fuck is this?

Here y'all.

May 14th.

It's May 14th.

Thursday.

We got one show left.

This is the last show before I leave.

Yay.

The next one.

This is it.

I'm not going to do a show next Thursday, everybody.

This is Madhouse Radio.

I'm here with Tuck.

Milkman will be joining us ASAP.

Kokanee's here also.

Kokanee.

Hey, Kokanee.

Kokanee.

You know already

So would this have been

The Bachelor Party show

If we had one

The Bachelor Party show

If we had one

Or if we do have one

I doubt it now

But it will be next Saturday

Not this Saturday

But next Saturday the 23rd

Problem being

As I said already

Many times

Can't find

Can't find a

A place

In Atlantic City

That doesn't cost me

An arm and a leg

So that ain't going to happen.

So I don't know what I'm going to do.

It's probably going to be me and Andy and whoever else wants to show up in Philly bar hopping next Saturday.

Maybe go to a strip club.

That's about it.

That's all I got.

And that's just fine.

Nothing wrong with that.

All you need, baby.

All you need.

All I need is to get you some beer.

Well then, in the meantime, you can reach us here tonight.

I'm Carlito, finally on the camera.

Look at this.

This will be the last time you see this goatee on me because I've got to shave this off.

before the wedding. You won't see this live

on camera anymore for a while.

Really?

Might as well shave my dick off while I'm at it.

Holy crap, watching

the game here. Houston is up

21-5.

21-5, Houston rockets over the Lakers

with 342 left in the first.

341 left.

340, 338.

Magic pushing into a game

seventh, and I'm very excited about that. I thought

I had just about lost all hope up until

the third quarter, but Atlanta Magic pulling

Filling off a win here in town, here at home.

And forcing a Game 7 in Boston, home of the most annoying asshole sports fans in the world right after your New York Knicks.

So, my voice over here.

That would suck if I got sick for the wedding, man.

So, yeah, my wedding's on May 30th, and I'm looking forward to that.

And why not?

Why shouldn't I be?

Why would I not be excited about being with one woman for the rest of my life?

I have no idea why you wouldn't be.

Forever and ever.

Right.

Exactly.

Yes.

I am very happy.

I'm very happy I'm being defanged.

Get on ya.

Thank you.

Thumbs up, Derek Carlito.

Tuck, when are you going to get married?

What's going on?

I know your family's very upset that you're not married.

Shut up.

You're the heir.

Shut up.

You're MTV's Tuck.

How can you not get married?

I wanted to share with you folks before we continue with the show.

Right before we started the show here, Athena and I were online doing our Catholic marriage counseling.

That's right.

Right, the Catholic Church has marriage counseling online now, which is...

Oh, God.

You want to know what it was?

Listen to this.

Because I told Mom, all right, fine, we'll get a marriage certificate in the Catholic Church.

All right, fine, we'll do it.

We've got a family member who's a priest, so he's going to be also serving at the wedding,

and he said he'd take care of it.

Is it Greek Orthodox, or is it just everything?

It's a Greek Orthodox wedding, but he's also going to be officiating also.

So it's going to be a split ceremony, and we're also going to get a marriage certificate in the Catholic Church.

So I want you guys to hear this.

Now, apparently, it's gone down to the marriage council for the Catholic Church.

It's just a 178-question questionnaire that we had to go through.

And it was almost like if you were applying for a job at Kmart, and they ask you those truth questions,

like, would you steal this?

Or if you knew someone who was poor was stealing from work, would you rat them out?

So I want to share some of these questions with you, man,

because some of them are really creepy.

Here's one, and I copy-pasted these.

I'm not kidding you.

This is from the Diocese of Orlando Catholic Church website.

We had to get a login and everything and do our little questionnaire.

One of them here, I am nearly always relaxed about my future spouse.

True question.

Another one was, true or false, I want a strong sexual relationship at my marriage.

There were some really weird ones here.

There was one about, yeah, I am uncomfortable with the amount my future spouse drinks.

My family has positive attitudes towards sex.

There was one really weird one.

That's a Catholic for you.

I am concerned that my future spouse's attitudes towards working mothers will cause problems between us.

I'm not kidding.

There was one here, yeah, pregnancy is part of our lives at this time.

That was another one.

I am uncomfortable about some sexual activities my marriage partner may ask of me.

That was literally a question on there.

I think my future spouse spends too much time watching television, true or false.

I worry about my future spouse's interest in gambling.

All the good ones I copy-pasted.

There was one here that asked if you're embarrassed about being naked.

Thumbs up, Carlito.

No, here's the best one, and I swear to God.

Keeping it positive, thumbs up.

You would think that I made this up.

Bob, this is a total Carlito prank call thing, but I swear to God, this is on the questionnaire.

I think I will feel uncomfortable being nude in front of my marriage partner.

I kid you not, that was a legitimate question.

Can you believe it?

What would they need to know that?

Don't listen to a call, please.

I'm embarrassed to be.

Well, to be honest with you, most of these things, I would be in real trouble if Athena had a real answer.

I know drinking or using drugs causes my future spouse to act inappropriately.

Here's another one.

I am concerned that homosexual feelings or behaviors could have a negative effect on our marital relationship.

There's another one.

That's a Catholic, yeah.

I know.

Crazy, right?

Can you believe that?

Fucking nuts, Catholic Church.

Fucking joke.

Keep smoking weed over there, Tuck.

You're going to do great.

Bones up, Carlito.

John Rico.

Bones up.

Says got oral, vaginal, and anal last night, and a little ass to mouth, too.

All right, good.

Good on you, girl.

Or sir, whoever that is.

Whichever the two that is.

Ass to mouth.

What movie was that where they kept chanting at the end of it, ass to ass?

There was a movie like that, wasn't there?

Requiem for a Dream.

Yeah, that was cool.

Requiem for a Dream.

Come on.

Yeah, you never seen Requiem for a Dream?

That's a good movie.

You gotta check that out, man.

What's wrong with you?

I have, but I don't recall that.

Yeah, there's a whole thing.

Nuna says,

Thina is a damn lesbian who doesn't clean the house properly.

Indeed.

Thank you.

You figured it out.

Good work, Nuna.

All right, yeah, so we're going to get to prank calls here as soon as we have some numbers.

I want to let everybody know who was able to...

Tuck, did you get my ant alert?

We had an ant warning here over the weekend.

It was quite scary, but we took care of it.

We nipped it in the bud.

I killed two ants, and I left them on the bathroom floor.

What exactly was...

I saw the...

I did.

Dude, it was like 2 o'clock in the...

Dude, I have real ants.

I have, like, fire ants all over this farm here, dude.

Oh, no.

I see giant army ants, hills, oh, this farm.

Oh, no, excuse me.

no man these are really big bull ants on the biting kind and they were like i was in the closet

organizing my clothes for my honeymoon you know i was like all right i gotta pack this like i was

trying to find my suits you know because i'm going to be on a cruise so it's like you need to have

this suit and i'm trying to suit on it's too big on me now because i lost weight so i don't know

what i'm gonna do um and i saw i saw two ants in the closet i'm like huh that's not good no there's

a that's always a bad sign there's a scout out there went to the bathroom to take a shit another

Another ant crawling on the floor.

Went to the kitchen.

Another ant on the counter.

I'm like, uh-oh.

You know, they're scouting out the condo.

I was like, oh, crap.

So I made sure that all sources of sugar were gone.

Made sure there were no sources of sugar.

And I'm diabetic, so we only have a small amount of sugar here in case company comes over.

You know, want some coffee.

Then we have a small stash of contraband sugar here.

Other than that, this is a sugar-free home.

And it should be because I'm diabetic.

Speaking of which, I'm going to take my pills.

Take those here before I forget.

And the wonder, it's so dark here right now.

I like the freaking, I forgot the floodlight in the background.

When I get a chance, I got to get up and turn on the light.

So, yeah.

So, if you guys have any suggestions over my wedding to be or my honeymoon upcoming,

that's going to be at the end of the month here.

I'm going to be leaving at this time tomorrow.

I will have begun my trip in my car machine up to the Pennsylvania, state of Pennsylvania.

The Keystone State, as it's known.

Oh, boy.

Well, Amish country.

Thumbs up.

I know.

Oh, yeah, we're getting married in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, which is like the heart of Amish country.

Good to know.

We've got a lot of numbers here for Lonesome Loser.

We're sure we're going to have to get to those.

Dangerous big place to put it.

All right.

We've got Spartan Farms in Elgin, Texas.

Also have Chunky Burgers, Vinny's Pizza, the Poor Man Bar, Fat Stogie, and the Pope Ranch in Cokeville, Wyoming.

Jeff from the SomaCow people.

They will be on tomorrow night starting at 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Be sure to check them out over at SomaCow.net or SomaCow.com.

I believe the other one takes you to their show machine.

Sure, check them out.

Of course, also Zolar, Zolar Vision, Zolar Party Nation,

tomorrow night, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time,

over at syndicateradio.television, syndicateradio.tv.

I wanted to give you a warning.

I found out, I heard, I read a few articles over the week

about the .tv domain extension.

Apparently, there's a threat that the .tv domain extensions are going to be gone

because of the simple fact that the island of Tuvalu,

which is where the .tv extension

comes from

well no they're sinking

apparently the island is sinking

the island of Tuvalu

they got the .tv extension

they're sinking and their domain name servers

are in danger of disappearing

I don't know

what's going to happen to Syndicate Radio

they had to become SyndicateRadioTV.com

they sold it off it shouldn't matter

I think in this case they actually have their name servers

they'll probably sell it off to another country

probably move them over

But there's been a lot of talk about that, how that might happen soon.

It'll be interesting to see what happens with that.

Hopefully the SyndicateRadio.tv doesn't have to change.

We got a number here from Mr. Widgett, a number for us.

Yeah, he says.

Giant Eagle.

It sounds like a lot of bullshit, to be honest with you.

Yeah, they're trying to make the extensions rare so they go up in value.

They're trying to artificially boost up the price of a .tv extension.

Bullshit.

I don't know.

I think .com is where it's at.

We got a .com, madhouselive.com.

You've got to have a .com.

Wherever you're at, get a .com, man.

There should be a Syndicate.

Wasn't there a SyndicateRadio.com?

Didn't we have that?

Yeah, oh, my God.

Didn't we have that in some dude?

Wasn't there some dude back in the day, like, took it out?

Run me that, Syndicate people.

I remember there used to be a SyndicateRadio.com, and it's, like, gone or something.

Anyway, learn how to work KIDDD.

He says the .tv, TL, and DNS servers are not in Tubaloo anyways.

All right, cool.

Good to know.

I didn't think they were.

I thought it was bullshit.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Man, I stole that off a long time ago.

Whatever you're talking about, red, it sounds like a bunch of bullshit.

Yeah, because I know .cc was big for a while, and that was the Cocos Islands, I think, had .cc.

And they sold that off to Clear Channel, and then Clear Channel started selling .cc domains all the time.

It was their big thing.

Smart guys.

That went nowhere.

Hey, asshole, how you doing?

Look, man, what's up, bro?

Hey, asshole, how you doing?

Oh, you got echo.

Let me fix that there.

There we go.

No more echo.

Milkman, congratulations on the new job.

You're going to start that Monday, huh?

New job for Milkman starting Monday.

Awesome, bro.

Yes, sir.

I'm about ready to disappear, man.

I'll be leaving SoCal and turn to the local man.

Congratulations.

Unfortunately, because of that, now you can't show up to the wedding because you couldn't

take the time off because literally you'd be starting your job on Monday and leaving,

you know, taking off for the wedding on Thursday.

So that's a big loss, man.

We're not too happy about that.

You're not going to buy it.

But as much as I've tried, they're very upset about that, dude.

I'll make it up to you, though.

Don't worry about it.

The way things are now, dude, if you need a job, if you find a job, dude, just do what it takes to keep the job.

I don't care.

If you can't show up to the wedding, we'll have you show up to the honeymoon.

We'll have you helicopter into the cruise ship.

Drop down.

Just drop you down.

Hey, man, that sounds cool, dude.

All right.

That's right.

And I'll be giving you an official tour guide, your official sanctions tour guide, right there on St. Croft, my brother.

Well, Milkman's warming things up here in a prank call machine.

Milkman, you let me know once that's ready.

In the meantime, we're going to do a quick news story here.

Speaking of the wedding and Amish people, Amish countries, we talked about Milkman.

You have Amish in your blood, I understand.

Oh, that's a good one.

This is an interesting story here regarding the Amish.

Milkman has everything in his blood.

That's right.

You're kidding.

He's got Prego.

I used to talk to my brother, Tug, show us your titties.

All right, yeah.

And Randy is clarifying here that the .tv TLD, I guess that's what they're called, not extensions, it's TLD.

I forgot.

I know this.

I took the classes.

It comes in one ear and goes out the other.

Too much THC.

It's not disappearing.

It's just GoDaddy saying you should not buy the domain because the island is sinking.

Apparently it's bullshit.

It's just good that they're trying to push the .com domain on you because it costs you, I think it's $9.99.

I think .tv is only like $1.99.

It's bullshit.

All right, well, so anyway, Milkman, check this out.

Tell me what you think about this.

Did you read this article?

I probably called that, didn't I?

Look how smart I am.

Look a clipper I am.

Yeah, there you go.

Kokany sent this to me.

And Tuck, he's been sending you the mail article, too.

Did you see the one about the Amish kid that got arrested for drunk driving?

The buggy?

That's so cool, man.

Man, 17-year-old to 22-year-old, man.

Put us in on that one, man.

That's awesome, man.

I didn't get a chance to really read all of them.

Sorry, company.

No problem.

All right, so we got a 22-year-old Amish kid or Amish guy bought a beer for a 17-year-old Amish kid.

The two of them were traveling in an Amish buggy late Monday night

and got pulled over and arrested by a police officer for possession of alcohol,

underage possession of alcohol, because they were drinking bush.

Of all the beers that we drink in bush beer,

I guess those Amish really don't know what's going on.

Oh, yeah, so are the Amish allowed to get drunk?

Isn't that one of the things they can't do?

They can't use electricity or cars, but they can drink beer.

Not really.

Here's the thing with the Amish kids, the young youth especially,

there's like a year where they can take off and go out in the actual real world,

and it's sort of like they see how it really is,

and do they get to choose if they want to stay in the real world or come back?

It's like called Rosh Hashanah or something.

Isn't it got a name like that, Rosh Hashanah, but that's Jewish.

But it's got a name to it.

I know what you're talking about.

They get a chance to leave the nest.

They get to do drugs.

They get to have sex.

They get to, you know, do coke.

They have sex without condoms.

And then if they like it, then they can stay, but they get, like, excommunicated.

It's not really a sanctioned thing, you know.

No, it's not.

Well, it should be.

Fuck, I think all guys.

Some people go ahead and do that, man.

But I guess if they choose, they're allowed to choose to stay out in the real world

and not come back to Amish country.

But if they do, they can never, like, ever talk.

Their parents will never talk to them again.

They'll be like, you know, they're un-Amish.

Right, yeah.

They're excommunicated, basically.

Yeah.

It's called Rum Springer.

Rum Springer.

Isn't it something like that?

Rum Springer or something?

It's got a name to it.

I think that's what it is.

I don't know.

My mother-in-law was telling me about it once.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

So apparently they couldn't charge the kid with DWI because it's not illegal to be intoxicated in driving a horse-driven buggy

because it's not a motorized vehicle.

I don't know about that because I know there was a story once here in Orlando.

There was a guy who was drunk off his ass riding a bike down the street, down Orange Avenue here in downtown Orlando.

He got pulled over and arrested for DWI because he was drunk on a bicycle.

I guess horses don't matter.

He wasn't Amish either.

He wasn't Amish, right.

Are Amish American citizens?

Do they have, like, dual citizenship?

Are they, like, Indians where they live on reservations?

Are they allowed to vote?

I don't think Amish should be allowed to vote.

No, they're actually an American citizen, but they don't pay taxes.

They don't pay taxes.

What?

Bastards.

Cancer's on society, all of them.

Yeah, they're like a religious group.

They're like Puerto Ricans in Puerto Rico.

They don't pay taxes.

I watched a movie, For Rich or for Poor.

It's hilarious, man.

It talks about those crazy Amish people.

It's one of my favorite movies.

And there was that TV show with the fat guy, Wilford Brimley, with diabetes.

Remember that?

This Old House or My Old Prairie or something like that.

There was another one.

Amish people.

There was a big sex scene in that one.

All right.

All that's right, man.

All right, cool.

All right, so homeboys, pay attention.

Gather around.

You got to love them fuzzy beards, man.

First prank call of the night is coming right up.

We're going to call Spartan Farms.

Spartan Farms.

Thank you.

One moment.

Oh, freaking loud.

Hey there, what's going on?

Is this that Spartan Farms?

It is.

Hey, do you guys have any suggestions as far as hay is concerned?

No, sorry.

Okay.

I'm looking for it myself.

What kind of services?

Do you provide grains, or what about animal or cow feed?

Who are you?

I'm Valente.

I'm thinking about starting a farm.

I want to make milking cows, moo cows.

I'm sorry.

That won't help you at all.

I'm a retirement home for horses.

Okay.

Well, that's good, because I used to breed championship horses in Ocala, Florida.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh-huh.

It's too late for me to talk to anybody.

Do you have any expertise in milking horses?

Goodbye.

Have you ever milked a horse?

I know she has.

Nasty little vixen there.

Dienda.

Okay.

Good point, Milkman.

Thank you.

I thought we were just throwing out Dienda.

All right, there we go.

Nice week call to start the show off.

Always a pleasure.

Chunky's Burgers.

You could be the next caller on the show.

Chunky's.

Hey, Chunky's.

What's going on?

It's too late to make a...

What's that?

Hello?

Oh, my God, my mind just went blank.

Is it too late to make an order for a burger?

Oh, yes, I'm sorry, it is.

It's close at 9.

Oh, please.

Sorry.

Do you have any fries left over?

No, all the cook's already gone.

We're just cleaning up.

What do you guys got on the floor?

We got nothing.

Nothing?

You don't throw away any food?

No.

Today we had, like, a mad biker party, so it was pretty, they cleaned us out pretty much.

Oh, man, you got any buns, like, bread?

Any what?

Any bread that you're throwing out?

Um, no.

Nothing at all?

There's got to be something you can give me.

Come on.

No, I'm a...

You're more than welcome to come tomorrow at 11.

For free food?

No.

I'm going to let you...

What's your name?

Sherry.

All right, Sherry.

I'm writing it down.

Hang on.

Sherry said I could have free hamburger buns tomorrow.

No, really.

Come on.

Look, I'm just hungry.

I've been sipping in my car for three weeks.

Um...

Do you have anything you can spare?

Are you kidding?

No, I've been sipping in my car for three weeks,

and they just kicked me out of the stupid Walmart parking lot again.

Hello?

Yeah, I got kicked out of the Walmart parking lot.

I was wondering if you had any food there you might be willing to spare.

I've been sleeping in my car for three weeks.

We have the scraps that we give to the cats.

That's good.

What is it?

Is it like gristle or what do you have exactly?

Is it what?

Is it gristle or what is it?

Yeah, it's like grease and like lard and...

Well, don't be nasty, lady.

I'm not kidding.

Kidding. I'm really, I've been sleeping in my car and I'm just calling around to see if you had any food left.

Anything you might be giving up.

I don't know if you guys, I heard you guys give food to the pastor sometimes.

I don't know if you can keep me out.

Wait, to the pastor? No, I don't know about that.

The pastor said you guys may have given leftover food sometimes before it goes bad.

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know.

Do you have a garden hose outside I could use to take a shower with?

Um, that I wouldn't know.

Can you ask?

Do we have a garden hose outside so this person can take a bath?

I can leave a cup of water for you outside.

No, but no, I just need like a hose.

It doesn't have to have an attachment, but just water, just a garden hose.

Can I use, do you have like a spout outside maybe I can just fill up my water with, my gallons?

I can leave a cup of water for you outside.

I'm not asking for a cup.

What I want to know is if you have like a water faucet outside that I could use.

I don't know.

If we do, I don't know where it's at.

Well, who knows?

The people that, the person that would know is not here.

Nobody there knows.

You can't go outside and look to see if there's a water thing.

I'm sorry.

We're closing up right now.

But ask somebody.

Ask around.

I have to mop, and I really don't have time for this.

Okay, wait a minute.

What are you mopping with?

A bucket?

Yeah.

Can I drink that water when you're done?

Oh, sure.

Okay.

Will you leave it outside for me?

Sure.

Yeah?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

What else could you do for me?

What else are you going to do for me?

What?

What else are you going to do for me?

That's about it.

Do you like massages?

Will you let me give you...

Uh, no.

No, I'm going to let you go now.

I want to give you a massage.

Because you're, like, totally freaking me out.

I got to go.

It's late.

I got to mop.

I'm going to give you a massage on your ass.

Oh, my God.

You're getting hot.

You know you want it.

Yeah, dirty bitch.

Nice try.

She's all hot now, man.

She's thinking about it.

Hey, Tasha's laughing it off.

That's not cool.

She's not laughing it off.

Tasha, she's interested.

Come on, man.

See, that's the thing.

That's why you're never going to get married like me.

You're never going to be married, man, like Carlito, regardless, over here.

because you don't know how to read women like I do.

You're right.

I'm a loser.

I'm a title failure.

You got to learn how to read a woman.

You know, when a girl says no, it doesn't always mean no.

Regardless of what you said, that's just some Catholic propaganda.

Like, don't have abortions and use condoms.

It's all taboo.

Nothing wrong with offering a girl a nice ass massage.

Absolutely, man.

A real man knows how to take care of that girl.

I need a massage on my ass.

still. Let's go back to the

jerky voices I always do.

Is it?

I love that ass too, man.

Howdy, ma'am. Yes, I'd like to get a massage.

You want to get a massage this

one? It don't matter to me who does it, woman.

Well, she's the only one, sir. Are you a client

of hers? Well, I haven't been, but I'm

looking to be now. Okay.

What kind of massage are you looking for?

Well, me specifically, I'm trying to

get just a massage on

my ass because I drive a tractor

I got the trailer, and I'm on my ass all day.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay, sir, they do, she has several different kinds of massages here, but just...

What is it there, that damn there shiatsu or that yatsi, that yatsi massage?

What type are they doing over there?

Okay, is it the Rosen therapy?

God damn it, woman, I tell you what, you listening to me?

Yes, I seem to have been disconnected.

Is this the young woman I spoke to?

No, it's not. What can I do?

Yes, I'm trying to get a massage.

All right, have you been in before?

No, ma'am, I haven't, but she said there's some...

Sir, you're yelling at me. What was...

Well, that's just the way I speak, ma'am. I'm a little tenuous.

Okay, what type of appointment did you want?

I specifically want my ass done, because my ass is a mess. You understand me?

Uh, yeah, I do, but I don't know that she'll do that.

Well, I only want one part done, and that's just my ass.

I mean, my ass looks like ricotta cheese in a plastic bag, if you know what I'm saying.

Okay, yeah, I don't...

All I'm saying is I'm a big boy, and my rear end kind of looks like a pillow

that's been stepped on by a football team with cleats.

Sir, you don't have to tell me again.

I'm just looking to get me a little rubdown to get some of them little bubbles out,

that cellulite bubble stuff, so I can ride my truck and not feel so damn self-conscious.

But, damn, woman, are you listening to me?

Quit yelling at me.

But you're not listening to me, woman.

I'm a good man.

I am listening to you.

If you were listening to me, um...

I mean, you know, you ever see some of them cattle laying in my house look like a cattle rustler?

That other young lady told me, f***, they're the best in the county.

She could do a side of beef that would make it more tender than a damn wet pillow.

Sir, I'm going to hang up on you.

You can call somebody else.

That's a classic from 1990-something shit.

That's a jerk me boys with bad massage.

I want to play this one here also.

This was recently milked.

Oh, hell, that sound like back room.

That's what it is.

I don't know if you guys, I know the Syndicate Radio people probably heard this one.

Sal and Richard from the Stern Show have been pranking Tradio a lot.

I don't know if, Tucky, you heard this one either, but they had one this week that they played, I think on Tuesday.

They called it, they've been calling it, they called it a religious Tradio place.

Tradio, it's like trade radio, like swap meet radio, you know, where people call in and say, I'm selling this, I'm selling that.

They called this religion.

Oh, yeah.

They sent emails to a religious radio station and with like birthday announcements and stuff for sale.

And it was really funny

I'm 90% sure this is it

So let's listen to this

This is from the 12th

I'm pretty sure this is it

This came from the arm

It should load in any second now

Tuesday

Let me talk to you about this Tradio call

The boys are at it again

I'm going to shut up

Sal and Richard

This is pretty amazing

Sal and Richard

This is a religious station that has a Tradio

Evidently Tradio is something that's just all over the world

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I didn't realize it was so big

So it's like a Christian radio

swap and shop type kind of thing and the boys i guess called in all morning leaving like messages

and they got like a million fake items and crank names on there listen to this and and i guess the

hosts of the show are completely clueless because they read everything oh that's great

by the way the show's theme is the andy of mayberry

and and quite frankly you start hearing the andy of mayberry theme i don't know i guess in the south

If I'm black, I'm running the hell out of the room.

I mean, you know what I mean?

It's like...

They may want to trade me.

Yeah, right?

That's not...

Do you hear that?

Let go.

I obviously got off the road at the wrong exit.

That and Charlie Parker on the sax.

That's a square.

I mean, Andy of Mayberry.

You know, we used to be like this wholesome show we'd watch as kids,

but now it's kind of weird.

Yeah, but notice there were no black people in it.

He's my kind of nigger.

All right, here we go.

And a good Friday afternoon to you.

Yes.

To you.

It's a wet Friday.

Yeah, it's wet, and I don't know if we really expected this much rain,

but a lot of birthdays on the birthday list today.

Our hats off to Curly Pubes from his brother Jeff.

is turning 50 today.

And also Eaton Beaver, who is 55 years old today.

All right, and we're going to go to Swap Shop Items now.

Here is for sale a Jack Off brand used tire jack, $35.

Ask for Mike Roch at 3491.

Here is for sale several shrimp sauce saucers

with six sections of sweet and sour summer sauce.

Stop by 776 South 2nd Street.

Call Skip at 8-0-7-6-5.

Here is one Faye Gala chocolate-making kit.

It includes four molds and two fudge packers.

It's portable, so you can pack fudge indoors and outdoors with all your friends.

Designed by Chef Mike Morales.

Call after 5 p.m.

Ask for Reverend Fred Norris at 5-8-0-7.

And that concludes Swap Shop Items.

There you go.

That was pretty funny.

I really like the fudge packer one.

That was pretty funny.

two fudge packers

portable so you can

pack fudge

when I first heard

that I was drinking

my coffee in my car

on the way to work

you know it was like

7.30 in the morning

and I hear

they found new victims

that's good

the first thing I hear

is like you know

curly pubes

and I just like

spit my coffee

on my steering wheel

I was like oh my god

crazy

that was good

alright

this guy does a

YouTube channel

what's it called

MasterTube Theater

MasterTubeTheater, that's the user's name.

Excuse me.

He puts all the bits and all the pranks from the Stern Show up there.

So I always watch them.

I had a feeling that would be up there just on a chance.

I went there right now, and sure enough,

Salem Pranking Religious Show.

So that was up there.

So, yeah, be sure to check him out.

MasterTubeTheater's channel on YouTube.com.

I heard Google.

I don't know if you guys hear about Google today.

Google services went haywire.

Apparently there was some kind of routing issue between AT&T.net and Google

And all over the world

Some people couldn't even pull up Google search

YouTube went down

Google mail went down

Google apps went down

Quite the crisis

Oh yeah

I didn't notice anything like that whatsoever

Yeah because we got a few calls at my job

I'm having trouble getting my Google mail

We got people calling my job today

Like I can't get to Google

I can get to any site but I can't get to Google

What are you guys doing?

What's the problem with Google?

I had my Gmail up all day long, and nothing out of the ordinary happened.

It didn't affect everybody, I guess.

It just depends on what routing your Internet took.

I don't know.

But a lot of people were Googlist today.

Let us back up.

It was down a little earlier today.

Sorry, everybody.

That was Googlist.

Googles.

Sorry.

No Googles for you, bitches.

All right.

Thumbs up, everybody.

We got email here, if you didn't know.

I love my giggle, man.

You love your giggle?

Touch your Google.

Remember you used to say that all the time to me?

Hey, Carl, it'll touch your Google.

I forgot to set the, yeah, the toll-free line is now open.

Again, that's 888-278-8509.

888-278-8509.

Be sure you put a one in front of that, stupid.

It didn't get through to me.

Wish me well wishes for my birthday.

Well, my birthday.

It'll be my birthday by the time I get back.

I'm going to be gone for three and a half weeks.

No, it wasn't.

I'm trying to think.

I don't even know when I'm going to be back.

Let's take a look here at the calendar.

Let's see.

I'm leaving next Thursday, so no show next Thursday on the 21st.

The 28th, that's my rehearsal dinner.

Milkman, man, this sucks that you can't show up, man.

I really was looking forward to seeing you in person.

I know we talk a lot, and I know what you look like.

Yeah, I am so freaking bummed.

Yeah, man, that sucks.

I think I'm going to do the next show after tonight.

To be honest, it's not going to be until June 18th, Thursday, June 18th.

So that's a month away.

Yeah, June 18th, Thursday.

That'll be two days before.

No bachelor party show, right?

No bachelor.

Well, I mean, unless it's...

It's a good hiatus.

Well, it was our break, I suppose.

For everyone to sort of get our heads, you know, refreshed and rejuvenated.

And when we come back...

Stronger than ever, we'll have our...

Something new for the masses.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, two or three weeks later, it'll be the four-year anniversary show.

Holy crap, man.

That's coming right upon us.

By the time we get back, we'll be gearing up for that.

We'll have a whole extravaganza.

We'll be sitting in a year five, man.

Yeah, year five of the Man House radio show.

Not bad, huh?

Speaking of which, let's get to some pranks,

or we're not going to have anything to play for that anniversary show.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, Lego was going to try to help us up getting booking for that Atlantic City thing,

but that's not going to work out.

Yeah, but still, I'm thinking Philly.

Maybe Lonesome Loser can show up.

I was talking to him yesterday.

He was going to think about suggesting maybe a few places I could go to.

That's a cool man.

Let's take a look at this, right?

What?

This is Operator 80178F with an IP relay call.

Do you know how to use the relay, sir?

Could you explain it to me, please?

Oh, I have to explain.

You are receiving a call from a person.

You know, I usually frown upon the IP relay calls,

but I guess I'll entertain that for this time.

And I will voice the conversation to you.

When you hear me say go ahead, please respond by speaking slowly and speaking directly to the caller.

What's in the background?

I will have everything I hear.

Okay, I hear some noise in the background.

Go ahead.

When is this bullshit?

Okay, when you hear me say go ahead, sir, please respond by speaking slowly and speaking directly to the caller.

Go ahead.

I will type everything I hear on your end of the line.

When you are finished speaking and ready for response, please say go ahead as well.

Are you ready to begin, sir?

Well, go ahead, yeah.

Could you please repeat your greeting for the caller after hello?

Go ahead.

Thank you.

Please vote for the caller as you begin.

Go ahead.

Be funny.

Damn, somebody needs to turn that vibrator up a little bit louder there, honey.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Operator.

We are waiting for a response from the caller.

Okay, can you hold the line, please?

Go ahead.

Ryan, terminate the call, please.

Advise the caller who's going to have to hold it.

The caller is type what?

What?

Could you please repeat your message after?

Can you hold the line, please?

Okay, that is all.

Go ahead.

Relay calls, for God's sake.

Let's see if they hang on for a parent call.

All right, we're going to call...

Don't call the...

Don't do that shit again.

Vinny's Pizza.

Vinny's Pizza, everybody.

We're going to call Vinny's Pizza.

This is the moment.

Yeah, relay calls really suck.

It's boring.

It's like, yeah, let me call in.

Let's ruin the show.

You used to do that blackout.

You used to do that all the time.

Blackout was like, oh, look at the relay calls.

He's going to sit here for like 50 minutes and have a boring conversation.

Anyway, we're calling Vinny's Pizza, everybody.

Stand by.

If you don't have the courage to speak, then don't bother to call in.

Just call in.

Don't be a homo, man.

Be a kiddy K.

Just call in.

I wish we had international credits tonight.

Fun.

Some international calls.

Guys, is this the pizza place?

Yes.

Is this some kind of front?

I'm sorry?

Can I speak to the head guy in charge, please?

He's on it right now.

Who's calling the shots right now?

There's a problem with this pizza.

you know, chip the tooth, and I'm just, I'm not, I'm not having this, this is not, this

is not, this is not going to happen, this is not, what kind of way, what kind of way

of doing business is this, and I spoke with someone else there earlier, and he gave me

a lot of guff.

Um, okay, I'm sorry, what's the problem?

Who's the guy with the accent over there?

With the accent?

Yeah, there's some guy with an accent over there, it was just really quick to get me

off the phone, I don't appreciate that.

Are you sure you have the right number, sir?

Yeah, it's Vinny's, Vinny's Pizza, yeah, that's right, I don't know who you are.

Oh, okay, and you said you called today, and someone gave you an outing?

Some guy with an accent was giving me attitude because of the mistake he made.

I think he put something into pizza on purpose.

Okay, I'm sorry.

What did you order?

A pizza.

A jumbo pepperoni?

No, it was a pepperoni with cheese.

Okay, what size?

It was like large, extra large.

What did you call it, jumbo?

Yes, a jumbo.

Okay, what time, when did you order this pizza?

It was sometime in the afternoon.

It was for the kids at school.

Okay, so it was before 5 o'clock?

No, just put me, who's the guy with the accent there?

Just put him on the phone.

I'm going to have it out with him.

I don't want to get you involved.

I don't want to hurt your feelings.

but I say bad words sometimes.

You know the C word?

I'm sorry.

There's nobody here that has an accent,

so I'm asking you what time you called

so that I could figure out who was working at the time that you called.

Sweetie, sweetie, I called in the afternoon.

Afternoon, so 12 o'clock?

After 12 before 5.

Okay.

Who is the person with the accent who answers the phone?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

No, no, I'm trying to slow it down so you understand.

Go ahead.

I'm seeing who's working.

Can you look at the schedule for me?

That's exactly what I'm doing right now.

I want all the names and maybe give me your own phone numbers or something.

Sir, I can't give you your own phone numbers.

Well, you need to tell me.

You've got to give me something to work with here because I'm...

Sir, if you have a problem, how about you come down here and...

How about I write you up?

What's your name?

One second.

Did you write that?

Time's up.

Beer.

That's not good.

How may I help you?

I'm looking for the man with the accent.

The man with the accent?

There was a man with an accent who answered this afternoon, and he was rude to me, and I'm writing him up.

There's no man with an accent working this afternoon. I had two female employees.

Well, who's the woman who was just talking to me who was going to find out on the schedule who answered the phone?

I'm sorry, what was that?

Who's the woman who was just talking to me who said she was looking on the schedule?

She's one of my other employees.

What's her name?

Her name is Susan.

Can you tell her I'm going to write her up?

You're going to write her up.

I'm going to write you up, too.

Okie dokie. Have a nice night.

What's your name?

Enjoy that.

What's your name, asshole?

Hey, dude.

You son of a bitch.

What's your fucking name?

You tell me your name right now.

Come down here.

If I come down there,

if I come down there,

I'm going to pull all your leg hairs out,

you stupid shit.

What's your name?

You son of a bitch.

This guy's on crack.

You laugh.

You laugh because you're afraid.

And you're intimidated.

That's why I'm on crack.

You're intimidated.

Yeah, I'm afraid.

Come down here right now.

I intimidate you.

Come down here.

You're less of a man than I am,

and I intimidate you.

That's why you're laughing,

because you're scared.

It's a natural response.

I'm scared.

You're such a big man.

I'm used to women like you laughing at me.

You're a fucking coward.

Come down here.

You don't want me to go down there, sir, because I will give you a black eye.

I will give you a black eye, and I will make you cry in front of women.

All right, come on.

Dish it up, then.

You must like crying.

Do you like to cry in front of women?

Does it remind you?

Yeah, see, he's the one that hung up.

Homosexual.

Feminine man.

He's an effeminate.

Call him back.

Hi.

I'm coming down, bitch.

Good girl.

I'm talking to her.

Maybe it needs a vibrator.

Pizza.

Yeah, who was that man with the effeminate accent who was threatening me on the phone right now?

Excuse me?

There was a man with an effeminate accent who was just talking to me, who threatened me.

Dude, it's like, if you want to come down here, then come down here.

If you want to play games, go ahead and play games.

You can call back as many times as you want.

I'll report you to the authorities.

I have your Florida phone number.

You're effeminate.

You're an effeminate man.

Dude, come down here.

You want to talk shit.

You don't know anything about me.

I don't want to get the AIDS.

You don't know anything about me.

I don't want to get the AIDS virus from you.

I would never risk getting AIDS from you, sir,

because I know what you people like to do.

You like to come on handsome Hispanic men like me

and you try to force sexual favors on us.

I'm going to drop the phone.

I can't hear you.

Oh, you dropped the phone.

Of course.

Of course you dropped the phone

because you're afraid.

You're intimidated.

Like I said, you're intimidated.

You're like Hispanic men, Mariano.

You're intimidated by people like me.

I'm so excited.

Dude, just come down here.

No, no.

You're the one that wants to talk to me on the phone.

So what do you want to do?

When we meet in person,

So what is it you want?

You want a kiss?

You want a hug?

Whatever your problem is,

I'll solve your problem for you.

You know, that's threatening to me, sir.

If you have a problem,

they come down here.

You know what?

I'm going to call...

I'm going to speak to the authorities myself right now

and I've already wrote you off.

Call the police.

I hope you call the police.

I already wrote you off, sir.

Okay.

So what we're going to take is...

Have a nice evening, ma'am.

Yes, sir.

Ma'am.

He's a my trick,

what a fucker.

Oh, boy, that was really hard.

He's one of the tough guys.

All right, next.

Poor man bar.

Oh, I have your Florida number.

I put it in my Arizona jeans.

Now I'm enjoying a Cleveland steamer.

Good point, Jeff.

That's funny.

Arizona jeans, man.

Jeff, that's a good one.

Arizona jeans.

That's bringing it back to the 90s right there.

Arizona jean company at JCPenney.

Oh, my God.

How about you?

Nice.

Oh, man.

Yeah, they call me man.

What's that about?

That's what I do.

I call guys.

I was sick.

I remember that episode where they got Seinfeld, and they have Kramer on there, and he's wearing

those Calvin Klein jeans, proved to everybody he's so skinny.

And he'd walk around like Frankenstein.

Yeah, he could barely bend his knees.

They were so tight.

Sit down!

And they'd push him, and he'd skate like a plank of wood.

Yeah, that was a good show.

You turned out to be a real prick, that Seinfeld guy, though, right?

I said sit down, damn it.

All right, guys.

Come on.

Look at Maven bringing up the Philly cheesesteak, dude.

I'm sure I'm going to have to have like five of those when I go out to Philly.

When I go to Pennsylvania for the wedding, man.

Oh, I'm going to have so many.

Oh, man.

Dude, you've got to email me one, man.

You have to, man.

Email it.

I'm going to fax it up your ass.

You ass, you should have been at the wedding.

Yeah.

I know.

Well, it's better than a turkey club sandwich.

I got tons of email

Crazy fucker has stopped calling in the show

And now he's just emailing me

Harassing stuff

Let's take a look at crazy fucker's email here

Let me try to pull it up here

I guess that waterboarding

Straighten up

I guess so right

I'm pulling up the email now

Let's see what he's talking about

What the fuck

He said something about like yeah you're not accepting calls

Oh you know why

I'm blocking his number because he kept calling in the last time.

That's why.

Let me unblock him real quick.

I got you.

Don't go crazy.

I'm going to unblock you.

I had to block you two weeks ago because you wouldn't stop calling.

I guess it's good you call in once, twice, three times,

but when you keep calling in...

We need to get him on a serious rant and then hook him up to somebody's number.

Yeah.

Call back that guy with the Arizona jeans and let him just scream on the phone at you.

Arizona jeans boy, yeah, that's what we got to do.

Have it pre-dialed, man.

Have it pre-dialed and ready to go.

But, Milkman, I'm going to tell you something, man.

You're going to type it out and cut and paste.

Milkman, I'm going to be on a cruise, right, for my honeymoon.

You know how much food.

I'm going to eat so much goddamn food.

I don't care that I'm diabetic.

I'm going to eat regular cake.

I'm not going to have any sugar-free ice cream.

I'm not going to have any sugar-free shit.

I'm going to eat all the cake and pie and ice creams that they've got.

I'm going to drink regular Coke.

I don't care.

I'm going to drink regular soda.

I'm going to drink coffee with regular sugar in it.

That's what I'm doing.

Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

Oh, yeah, man.

All the best, dude.

Damn.

Hell, you're going to lose weight

as soon as you shave that ass hair off your face, man.

I was sitting here shaving,

and then all I called was,

let me start trimming the beard a little bit.

I just figured I'd do it.

Anyway, that's what that noise was.

That's what it was, yeah.

That was a vibe on high, man.

That wasn't Athena.

She was getting me all hot there, man.

She was teasing me.

I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this,

but Athena has instituted the celibacy

before the winning rule here for the last week now,

and I'm not a happy camper,

and I've been having some crazy dreams.

I'm out.

I'm telling you what.

She's due for a good dicking any day now.

It's going to happen.

You're going to have a lot now, brother.

Any day now, I'm going to wake up at 3.

That's what they call it, right?

You know what pussy control is, don't you?

Pussy control.

You know what pussy control is, right?

Yeah, that's what Prince talked about.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

I'm telling you, then I wake her up.

You know that song, Pussy Control?

Yeah, I know.

Yes, I know the song.

You know that song, Pussy Control, right?

Yes, yes, by Prince.

You know Pussy Control, where it's at?

Where?

Yeah, yeah.

There's a strip club there, wouldn't there?

Yeah, that's right, Tuck.

That's what Tuck...

Where is Pussy Control at?

Where?

I don't know.

In the bed?

Where?

In Athena's pants?

Where is it?

Okay.

People think just because they listen to the song, it's between the girl's legs, but that's

not true.

Pussy Control is between the man's ears.

Okay, I don't do that.

I don't eat that pork.

I don't eat that stuff.

What are you talking about?

I don't eat that pork.

Is that what you're talking about?

Going down?

Is that it?

I don't do that shit.

Forget it.

No, no, no.

I've had too many bad experiences.

Had too many bad experiences with women, and they're very rude when it comes to that.

No, forget that.

Going down on women.

What are you talking about, Milkman?

Forget it.

Fuck that.

Go down on me.

Get out your old mustache you there, buddy.

Get out of here.

Women don't like that anyway.

That's what I hear.

You don't need that beard no more.

Are you kidding?

I'm really good at goofing around.

I'm the best.

Uh-oh, never had a complaint about that, dude.

I'm the best.

I like it.

Yeah.

You may have to shave your teeth when it gets all over with, you know.

I'm probably going to have to after all this.

Better not, man.

What the hell?

Why are you talking about my girl like that?

What's wrong with you?

Jerk.

I wonder if we uninvited you from the wedding.

I wonder if Tuck got a wedding invite and you didn't.

We'll call him the Pope Ranch.

Pope Ranch.

Nothing like a busy signal to turn it into overdrive here on Madhouse Radio.

Hey, you know, I could use a song for me tonight for the break.

You're a busy signal.

What's that?

What song do you want, Milkman's?

What is it?

You copy that?

What?

Copy what?

I want you to play Maggot Brain.

The kokanee was asking to hear that song.

Which one?

You get a lot of packet loss over there.

What's going on?

I'm sorry.

No, kokanee was asking to hear the song Maggot Brain.

Maggot Brain.

Do I have that song?

Oh, yes.

That's right.

Maggot Brain.

Let me see if I have that queued up here.

Yes, I have it here.

Oh, I got his maggots.

I got maggots by Dr. Weigel.

You want to hear that?

Here we go.

Maggots by Dr. Leggo, everybody.

This is the worldly renowned sound of maggots.

Oh, God, no.

Oh, Jesus.

This is the worldly renowned sound of maggots.

I would play Pussy Control, but I'm 99% certain that Prince takes off all his...

Anything on YouTube that has to do with Prince is, like, immediately taken out by his army of lawyers.

So I doubt we're going to find it.

Yeah, I can't even find it here.

No Pussy Control, sorry.

But in the meantime...

Pussy Control!

Yeah, sing it, Milkman.

Everyone, close your eyes.

This is just like Prince doing it.

Gustav's German Pub and Grill.

Coming right up, sirs.

Enjoy.

Seeming on your list from the homie's dick.

That's what she said.

Naben, thank you for calling Gustav's and Clackmas.

This is John.

Can you hold, please?

Auf.

Oh, God.

What does auf mean, anyway?

I just said auf to him and he just put me on hold.

Can you hold?

Auf.

How can I help you?

Auf.

How are you?

Doing good, thank you.

Good, good, good.

What kind of sausage did you get there?

We have a beer sausage.

Oh, beer sausage.

Do you marinate that?

Yeah, it's really good.

It's my favorite sausage here.

I'm sorry, say that again?

The beer sausage, it's one of my favorite sausages here.

Okay, all right.

Is it a dark sausage?

We have a bratwurst as well and a weisswurst.

So what, do you prefer the beer sausage?

Yeah.

Is it better to have a few beers before you take the sausage, right?

Well, people like to get that and the fondue together with the optimator.

The optimator.

The optimator is one of our beers.

Oh, so you guys brew that beer right there?

No, we don't brew it here.

How long of a sausage is it?

Is it cut into pieces or is it long?

Yeah, it's sliced.

You can get it sliced.

Would you consider yourself a top or a bottom when it comes to those?

Pardon me?

Would you consider yourself a top or a bottom when it comes to the sausage?

Top or a bottom, not 100% sure what you're asking.

Can you ask around?

Maybe someone there knows what I'm talking about.

I'm a sausage kind of sword.

Do you want me to get a manager for you real quick?

Sure, yeah.

Okay, just one second.

All right, I'm at the bottom of this.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

I don't know where I'm going with the whole night tonight.

I just want to go on vacation.

Hollywood Vanya was explaining to me he thinks I'm losing interest in the show.

So, in some ways, I do feel like I am losing interest in the prank calls.

It might become time just to do, you know, a regular show, or maybe nothing at all.

Dude, I have been with you for, what, five years now?

This is the manager.

I know Hollywood's been around for a while.

All right, everyone be shut up.

I was talking to someone there.

Who's that young man that I was talking to?

He's one of my hosts.

All right, well, I know.

I was, he sounds like a polite gentleman, but I think he was making sexual comments to me on the line,

which I don't really...

I was standing right next to him on the other phone.

I didn't hear anything like that at all.

Well, you explained to me what he said exactly when it came to being a top or a bottom in sausages.

Excuse me?

And if you were standing right there, why would you allow him to say something like that?

Is this normal to talk fresh on the phone there?

Sir, he did not say anything like that at all.

He said something...

I know this gentleman, he's very religious, and I was standing right next to him,

and there was nothing out of his mouth that I heard that was...

No, say it. It was fresh. He was being fresh. He was being brash and fresh and crass.

I don't think so, sir. I didn't hear that.

Well, that's what I heard. I know what I heard, sir.

And perhaps maybe you should think about your religiousness

and think about the way you conduct business there,

because maybe this is a front.

I don't know what you want me to say, sir.

I did not hear anything inappropriate coming out of this gentleman's mouth,

nor has he ever.

And I'm sorry, but right here next to him while he was talking on the phone,

there was nothing unusual about his...

How dare you let him stand there next to him and approve of the sexual...

Sir, I did not, and you don't have to continue on.

I know he did not say anything wrong.

Are you just going to let them get away with this, with this crime, with this blasphemy in the face of God?

I believe you're incorrect in the way you're approaching me, etc.

It tells me that there's something going on here more than just what you're trying to do right now.

Well, I think you're on.

Sorry, but I'm not going to do that.

You know that I'm on to your little game, sir.

And I'm going to report you to the diocese as soon as possible.

And I'm going to have you investigated by the Catholic diocese.

Okay, you know what?

I'm going to end this phone call.

Your propagation of homosexual relations, jerk.

jerk. Call me a jerk. I'm calling right back.

Call him a jerk myself.

Thank you for calling. Gustafson

Clackamas. David, I may help you. I'm here to speak

to a manager, please. This is one of them.

This is David. I may help you. Is this the manager who

just really hung up on me after refusing

to, you know, be a man? Sir, I told you

that we were going to end the discussion because you're getting way

out in left field and I can't believe

that you're correct. I'm confronting you

with the truth and the facts, good sir.

Sir, I'm going to end this phone call one more

time because it's just going to keep going round

and round and round. I know it's not true

And that's that

Okay

What is your sexual

What is your sexual preference sir

You're homosexual aren't you

Sir you have no right

To ask me that

You're way off line

You're a gay

That's why I'm talking to you

The way I'm talking to you

I am hanging this phone up

Do not call me again

Thank you very much

Good night

Gay sausage

You heard him guys

We can't call him back

I guess we're screwed now

He got us there

He likes his sausage

Steep the meat sauce

Alright

Is this your mega brain man

You didn't play the beginning though

That's it

I'm looking for more numbers here to do

I've got to stretch my legs real quick.

What time is it?

11.15?

Psychic Chuck, what time are you going on, damn it?

Let me know.

Coconut was asking about maggot brains.

Well, this is the one.

And unfortunately, you don't get to hear the very first part of it here.

But...

Ah!

Sleeping...

You're like this, man.

This is my brother Eddie Hazel right here.

I'm excited about the cruise, Milkman.

You know why I'm excited about my cruise?

Because there's a 24-hour Johnny Rockets on the ship.

I'm going to eat the hell out of some burgers.

I'm going to have...

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to make a McMash or something right there.

You know what I'm going to do?

Here's what they do.

Oh, my God, dude.

Do a Twitter picture.

I saw that on Twitter pictures.

There's a $5 cover on the cruise ship to get into the Johnny Rockets.

I'm going to go in there and I'm going to order five.

You eat all you want.

It's all you can eat, Johnny Rockets, all the fries and burgers and the shit you want.

I'm literally going to go in there and I'm going to order five hamburgers.

I'm going to make it into one big stack and eat it.

Why not?

Because I can.

Because I'm paying for it.

God, this cruise is costing me.

Wow, so much money.

We're getting a balcony.

And I've never had sex in a balcony before, but I think this will be the time to do it.

I'd ask Tuck about that, but he wouldn't know because he's never been married.

Tuck has never been married.

If you had the night to spend out on St. Croix, I would tell you to go to Carambola

and get that beautiful mahogany room, the top block they have.

It's all solid mahogany, the beams, the furniture, everything, all the wood.

And they've got this killer-ass balcony out there to scream in, man.

And you go out there, man, you take your honey out there in these real nice padded leather seats.

Fuck.

Wait for the sun to start coming up, man, and you just get a time just right.

And you're like, yeah, when the sun comes up.

Where's that at?

Is that Carambola Beach where you told me not to go, where I wanted to go?

And you said, no, no, no, man, you're going to go to Carambola Beach.

No, I said if you're going to spend the night, you want to take her there.

If you're not going to spend the night, there's nothing to do out there.

Well, man, for 80 bucks, they're offering us a trip out there.

They're offering us a trip out there, two chairs and an umbrella on the beach, two meals, and, you know, all the luxuries of the resort, you know, and then a trip back to the cruise ship.

I don't want the room.

I got a room on the boat.

I got a room on the boat with a balcony, man.

Fuck that shit.

I'm on a boat.

That's what I'm telling you about, dude.

The room is sweet, man.

Fuck trees.

I'm climbing buoys, motherfucker.

I wish you were on a boat.

Swing from a coconut tree.

Do what you want, kid.

Do what you want.

Swing from a coconut tree.

Man, I can't wait to get out of here.

I'll just have a sword ring toss, man.

We're going to have a penis sword fight.

I keep bringing up that, man, I'm just really excited about getting...

You know, to be honest, I'm mostly excited about getting married.

I'm really excited about it.

I'm really happy.

It's kind of cool because, you know, I've been with Athena as long as I've been doing the show.

I met Athena only a few, maybe a month or two before the show started.

You guys have been through this journey all with me.

We've been through the hard times and the not so hard times.

So it is quite exciting.

Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, man.

But, dude, I'm going to be nervous.

I've got to be honest with you guys.

I'm going to be nervous as hell on that wedding day.

I'm happy Andy's going to be there.

He's my boy.

I've known him since I was in high school, so it'll be good to have him to foil off of.

Hopefully, we don't get into too much trouble.

It was cool, man, listening to these old shows, too, man.

I love the old shows and how much they've changed over the years, man.

That was really cool, man.

We've had a lot of fun, man, for sure.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, man.

It's been quite the ride.

But anyway, continuing on, there's going to be a show without the parent calls,

and we're going to call the Commander Motel.

The Commander Motel in Pequot Lakes, Minnesota.

We're going to be taking a break here pretty soon.

After that break, hopefully people will call in.

Again, the toll-free line is open, 888-278-8509.

888-278-8509 is the toll-free line.

I've got to get that.

Yeah, that's true.

I already blocked the relay call, so they won't come through anymore,

but I do need to unblock Crazy Fucker if I can figure out what number is his.

is listen to the rest of this song that Milkman sent me

while I unblock Crazy Fucker so he can call in for a little bit.

Hopefully not too long.

He won't go too crazy, hopefully.

And then we'll do some more prank calls.

That's the moment.

Thank you.

Just want to let you guys and share with you guys an email here

that came in from Crazy Fucker while we were waiting.

You and your ugly bitch should honeymoon in Iraq and come back in a body sack.

Take Milkman and Howard Stern and the commie monkey

that replaced the retarded Nazi with you.

Then USA will be better.

That's email number one from Crazy Fucker.

Thank you.

By the way, whoever is running your call-in number phone

is not letting live calls to your show.

Is it the Gook Milkman?

I tried 50 times to call your show last week.

Yeah, because you were blocked.

And then finally, the latest email.

Read the email.

Waterboarding work for you Republicans.

Here's the last one.

I love this one.

Subject, your phone line is still blocked.

The message, read the email I sent you, faggot.

Thank you, crazy fucker, for making me laugh.

He sent an email to ask me to read the email, and then calls me a faggot.

Awesome, thanks, crazy fucker.

You know what to do.

You know what I need.

All right, we'll wait for him to call in.

We'll set up the next prank call.

Again, that's Commander.

Send me back to Commander World 2.

This is a good damn song.

I can't believe this is totally not, like, Funkadelic.

I'm surprised they made a song like this.

It's more rock.

This is funkadelic, dude.

Yeah, but it's not...

This is funkadelic.

This is not typical of them, though, you know?

It was pretty good.

More of a rock Jimi Hendrix-ish kind of...

This is, like, the signature song, man.

This is one of the greatest songs ever done

and quoted by, you know, many famous guitar critics around the world.

It's goddamn good, man.

I like it.

I can't dial a phone right now.

I've got to take a break.

Screw this, man.

I'm so excited for Jimi Hendrix.

Yeah?

No, no, it's a good song.

I wanted to share something with you guys.

Here we go.

Check this out, man.

I made a discovery.

You might already know about this, Armando,

but I tried to tell you about this the other day,

but I was having trouble getting together,

and you had time to communicate with me.

You know, all the YouTube videos are in Flash, right?

Yes.

And every time you right-click to copy them, you can't copy them, you know?

There's stuff out there you can copy with.

A while back, I found a cool website where if you...

Well, a while back, I found this cool website.

You type in the URL, and it would download it in Flash or whatever type of format that you want.

Well, yes, the other day I went and downloaded the new RealPlayer.

We've got to call it.

And it adds a browser stub in.

We've got to call it.

Anyway, it will let you do it with the RealPlayer, record any Flash video on any site.

Oh, really?

It's not right protected, and most of them aren't.

I'm ashamed of you for downloading RealPlayer.

What's wrong with you?

That's so 90s of you.

You're on the air.

Go ahead.

Work.

Oh, thank you for holding.

All right, cool.

Cool.

All right, so, yeah, there's a...

You can play it in your latest Winamp.

All your latest Winamps will play it.

So I've got all the good YouTube videos now downloaded, dude, and it goes fast.

Yeah, there's a lot of different fucking...

Jesus Christ.

You can even rip the good porn, too.

Yeah, but...

Excuse me.

Ooh, man.

Get the browser stuff.

You do it straight from the browser.

Oh, no, there's a lot of...

There's a few plug-ins out there, man, for...

There's a few plug-ins out there for Firefox.

Not really.

FlashGot.

FlashGot, yeah, I think FlashGot does.

Yeah, let's see, download the Flash.

I've tried that one, and I never got any results about it.

But the real player is a good one I've been using.

I'm calling crazy fucker on the phone here.

I didn't recognize your entry.

So listen to your...

Like a new real player?

Phone number you would like to dial.

Yeah.

I don't know anybody who's used real player anymore.

The latest one.

This is so crappy of a program.

This is a free call.

Free call to Crazy Fucker.

Crazy Fucker has the back line.

Be sure to blow that up pretty soon.

Oh, Crazy Fucker, if you want us to call you, you've got to pick up the phone.

Houston 54, Lakers 45.

I don't think the Lakers have had the lead at all during the game.

No kidding.

The Lakers have a problem.

Oh, Crazy Fucker, you've got to answer the phone.

They want to be on the show.

We're going to take a break here real quick so I can get some more meat.

Got some nice meat over there in the kitchen.

In the meat room, as I like to call it.

When we come back, we'll have more prank calls for you.

Of course, this is the big send-off.

We've got the Gay 90s Bar in Mako, Arizona, coming up next.

We also have the Mountain Gay Lounge.

The Commander Motel.

We didn't get to that earlier.

We have that here still.

Screaming Squirrel Restaurant in Fraser Park, California.

Dinky Diner.

Sounds Vietnamese.

And the Midget Market.

All rounding things out here.

Rounding things out.

Yes, that's right.

That's right.

Twist of Fate, JKO, wishing me a good wedding.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

you uh milkman you stay around talk you're going to be around too i presume still uh

all right i'm out of here we'll brag back in a few minutes

i'm black and i have to kill people and stab them in the nose all right

that's what he raps about listen to the words he's black he likes to kill people white people

He needs to write about things that are more positive.

Yeah, like stealing purses from old ladies.

Nothing wrong with that.

All right, let's get right back into it.

The Gay 90s Bar is in...

I thought I was going to be money in those purses.

Eh, they got checks.

You can't cash them anywhere.

Gay 90s Bar, Naco, Arizona.

It's like Chuck taking over at 12 a.m. Eastern.

That's 9 p.m. here, Tony.

And the West Coast.

All right.

Hello?

Hey, crazy fucker.

It's good to talk to you, man.

Yeah, it's good to talk to you.

Thank you for your well wishes.

Did you get my email?

Yes, thank you for your well wishes for the honeymoon.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, yeah, that was like, that was fucking, that was like on your fucking philosophy of things.

I thought you'd get a kick out of that.

Thanks, buddy.

I appreciate that.

Yeah, are you going to, are you going to, like, do you want me to book you a room in the Baghdad Hilton?

No, in the Guantanamo Bay Hilton would be much preferable.

Oh, you're going to Guantanamo Bay?

Oh, we'll be close.

Don't give out the secret locations there, or the paparazzi will pop up and take a picture of you.

I heard things got a lot better in Guantanamo Bay.

I think you're worried about a whole lot of nothing.

Oh, man, I ain't worried about shit, dude.

Shit, dude, I'm fucking too old in the game to worry about much of any fucking thing.

All right, well, cool.

How's your week been?

Except for, like, you and Milkman trying to waterboard me.

Okay, so Milkman wants to waterboard you.

How's your week been?

What have you been up to, man?

Oh, man, I've been up to no good there, buddy.

Publican trash.

Good.

Yeah, I've been up there cutting the wire on the FEMA death camps that they're setting up for you,

for you to work for.

Man.

Crazy fucking...

Yeah, I've been promoting the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights.

You people, like, you conspiracy...

I've been promoting Magna Carta.

You ever heard of the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Magna Carta?

Oh, the Magna Carta's old.

That's like from the 1700s or something, isn't it?

Well, baby, that's always keeping you allowed to be able to do what you're doing.

Yeah, well, true.

Well, I mean, you hate it.

Well, yeah, you better think about that a little bit before you keep watching that television set you watch.

I don't watch television.

I watch television and watch basketball games.

That's it these days, man.

Well, fuck it, man.

If you watch basketball games, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, anyway, anyway, hey, I really do want to say this.

Can I say this to everybody listening on the planet Earth?

No, they're listening.

And you got, you know what, according to my phone polls,

there are 47 million people right now listening to your program.

Okay.

47 million.

Holy shit, I'm the most popular.

You are, you are.

Man, there's like fucking people in Red China, man.

There's fucking people in Iraq, in Iran, in Afghanistan, in Turkey.

And there's people in Canada, there's people in Canada, hey, there's people in Florida,

there's people that are in, half the country of Italy is listening right now, and they're

out loud and everything that's being said translated.

Well, ciao Italia.

All right.

Hey, hey, damn right.

Anyway, dude, my apology consists of this.

My opinion is this.

If you're stupid enough to have joined the United States military

and gone off to torture and hurt and invade people anywhere in the world,

then I do not support you.

Listen, one of our listeners, Crazy Heretic, said he heard you call in another radio show.

Oh, I call in a lot at radio talk shows, right?

Didn't I get you in trouble already once before when you called into Art Bell and said something?

No, sir.

I went to prison for three counts of assault with a firearm.

Uh-huh.

I got charged, and I did seven years and eight months locked up with the nicest motherfuckers I ever met, man.

I'm telling you.

You should have known that I wasn't a guitar player.

I'm telling you.

That George Bush, man.

Why that motherfucker?

Hey, how come George Bush and Dick Cheney and everybody that prospered for their regime

gets to be free on the planet Earth?

How come they get to do that?

That there is crazy, fucker.

Well, they killed over 3 million innocent Iraqi people so far,

and they've killed, what is it, 30 or 40,000 stupid American dudes

that were stupid enough to join the U.S. military?

three million iraqis haven't died in an iraqi war

motherfucking shit dude i'm talking about i'm talking about since 1991

1991 you ever heard of the shock and awe program you ever heard of shock and awe where all the

all the little white nazis with their little penises with dog butters and

And as far as getting bullshit out of the country by gannis thing out there.

And that's why I listen to Howard's show.

And if I could far let you go.

Oh, no, I'm not done there, brother.

Listen.

No, no, you're done.

You're done.

I'm cutting you off.

Listen, no, no.

Let me, let me come on now.

You ain't done.

Hey, come on now.

Can I say a final parting thing to you?

Better be about the wedding.

That's the last thing you got to say.

Okay, I'll say something.

Put Athena on the phone.

She's sleeping.

Oh, well, wake her up, man.

No, I'm not going to wake her up.

Well, yeah, hey, you probably got her fucking, you got her drugged, that's why she's sleeping.

Hey, let me ask you this, who's got the money, hey, listen, who's got the money in this fucking marriage?

You or Athena, are you trying to marry in the money, or is Athena trying to marry in the money?

Well, I got the money, I got the money, dude, I'm the money man.

Hey, you're related to that Puerto Rican, that Puerto Rican commissar that sold out his fucking country of Puerto Rico, right?

They came over here and brought up Gilligan's Island.

No, no, that was Marcos from the Philadelphia.

The Philadelphians.

Yeah.

Right.

What was that?

Anyway, hey, love, peace, and joy to you and all the six billion people on the planet fucking earth.

And I'll say this, man.

In the three million years.

Do not, do not, do not join the United States military,

Okay, but pick yourself up an honest fucking occupation like playing a musical instrument

or writing poetry or just, man, contemplating all the beauty that's around you, all right?

God damn it.

All right, man, I'll talk to you when I get back from the thing, all right?

Yeah, if the pirates don't board your ship,

maybe I'll disguise myself as a pirate and board your honeymoon ship.

Oh, boy.

Good.

Well, have a good last night.

All right, look forward to that there, Carlitos.

We'll smoke cigars together, you fucker.

All right, you crazy shit.

You crazy ass.

Crazy fucker.

Nothing like him.

All right, anyway, there'll be...

We're about 15 minutes away from signing off with Seneca.

He's got an awful good big box of wine there.

No kidding, right?

The cheap dollar store wine?

Gotta love that guy, crazy fucker.

All right, let's do another prank call here before we leave Seneca here in about 15 minutes.

Excuse me.

What is the deal?

Why does this fella keep doing this shit?

I don't know.

Maybe it's your prostitute calling you back.

You check bounced, bitch.

Maybe that's what it is.

You think about that, huh?

Oh, hell.

Nah, dude.

I used a credit card, man, before they got rid of that stupid Craigslist.

Yeah, I heard about that, right?

Craigslist no more adult ads.

Now what we'll already do.

And now it's a paid service.

Adult service.

Fuck that.

They ruined it like everything else.

Houston up 70-65 over the Lakers with mere seconds left in the third quarter.

Come on, Mavs, all you hot honeys out there, show them.

Show them, get it.

In paradise, all of you.

There you go, get it.

That's one.

I'm going to have to press him for showing my titties.

I'm going to show him.

Just show him.

Let him breathe, Maven.

You don't have to press one here.

You know that.

Hey, what's going on?

Huh?

What's going on?

Hey.

What's going on?

Show your titties.

This is the gay bar.

Is this man or woman I'm speaking to?

I forgot who I called.

Okay, good. That was a good call.

Yep!

Where are my sound effects?

That was awkward, whatever it was.

Yep.

Who did I call? I thought I called a gay bar.

It said gay 90s bar.

Hey, get the alarm out, man.

We've got to do an alarm call tonight, man.

I don't know what you called.

You're the one with the numbers and you're asking us.

We can't see what you're doing.

So you're the number guy.

You're supposed to be in charge of watching the numbers, you know?

Yeah, I fucked up the alarm really good last night again.

Yeah, me?

What was I the number guy?

I dumped beer on the alarm last night

and I don't think it's working at all.

I tried to use it this morning and it went

and I tried to use it before the show

and it just doesn't do nothing now.

No matter how I put the wire in

it doesn't want to work.

I killed it.

No, it dried out all day.

I came home and it was worse than when it was wet.

I must have shorted it out.

Maybe it needs a new battery.

Maybe that's what it is.

I don't know.

Poor man bar.

It needs a new clock rate.

64K.

Okay, calling the poor man bar.

You know what's going to happen when we're gone for that long off the air?

It's going to take me a while to get back in the groove, you know what I'm saying?

Is this the poor man bar?

It took me a while to get out back in my groove after I left your place there.

Do you think I might have left something?

Did anybody report anything?

What the fuck?

Fucking cunt, bitch.

I downloaded the Star Trek movie and I watched it over the weekend.

Boy, she's finger happy.

I don't know if anybody saw the Star Trek movie.

I think you need to give her a Vibator call and then turn on the alarm, man.

I meant to ask Crazy Fucker about the new Star Trek movie.

I know he's a Star Trek fan.

I don't know if he was going to see it or if he had seen it.

I downloaded and watched it, and I must say, I was quite impressed.

Pretty good.

That's good stuff.

Did you see it, Milkman?

Or Tuck?

Any of you two seen it yet?

Meep, meep, meep.

I got a Star Trek toy from Cereal Box that Athena bought.

No, no, no.

Look at this.

It's a Klingon thing.

Oh, look at that.

Anyway, yeah, the Star Trek movie's good.

I was quite, I really had doubts.

I know when I first heard about it, I announced it on the show,

when I saw the news article come out, and I had my concerns.

I was like, the Lispy guy from Heroes is on it,

and the Korean guy from that Stoner movie's on it.

I was a little concerned.

So I guess Sulu is a Korean guy now.

They rewrote the whole thing, you know.

Milkman, you're half Japanese, you have any concerns?

You know, Sulu, Hikaru Sulu used to be a Japanese character,

now he's rewritten as a Korean.

How do you feel about that?

Do you feel you're being robbed of it?

Hi.

I like to do the Sulu dance.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, things are crazy, right, Mike?

That movie from Harold and Kumar.

Harold is now Sulu, and Kumar is working for the Obama administration.

Five years ago, they were in a stoner movie together, and they just had a sequel like

a year or two ago that really sucked, I thought.

They went to Guantanamo.

That was like last year.

That was less than a year ago, I thought.

I was like, yeah, well, didn't that bomb?

That did really bad.

Escape from Guantanamo or something like that.

He's working for the Obama administration in the White House.

MSC through Clay agrees.

Star Trek, good movie.

They didn't really need to make it.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm excited.

Tomorrow, Terminator.

Salvation, right?

Is it Terminator Salvation?

That comes out.

Looking forward to that.

I'm a big fan of the Terminator franchise, as well as the RoboCop franchise.

Anything cyborg-ish from the 80s and 90s, I'm into.

They'll have to take a look at that.

Maven asked, is Tsubu Honor Milkman in the movie?

I don't know.

I don't think so, sweetie.

I don't see so, sweeties.

Don't think so.

We'll get here.

Yeah, Mikey129, I'm waiting on the new Robocop movie, too.

Quite excited about that.

Well, yeah, like I was trying to say, you know what's going to happen.

I'm going to end up losing my groove.

Every time we take a break of more than two weeks from the show,

it takes me a good week, it takes me a good three weeks

before we start getting into the groove of doing a show.

I start missing out a lot.

But eventually it all works out in the end.

Hello.

I'm from Chicago.

Hey, Brendan from Chicago.

What do you say there, buddy?

Yeah, I come here in January.

Yep.

Cool, cool.

What have you been up to?

I'm out for you.

I get hitched.

yeah it's the last show

before a lot of stuff

my friend

any

are you married yourself

do you have any suggestions

uh no

no

okay

alright well

you know how long

you been with her for

oh man

well good luck with that man

hopefully you know

keep the family

don't know

be in a rush

you know

I was with mine for four years

you know

take it easy

no rush at all

what do you think of the show lately

you know

I was just mentioning how

you know

I lose my groove after a while

if I

yeah yeah

I've kind of noticed that a little bit

yeah

man crazy fucker

that guy is awesome

yeah crazy fucker

who will go on and on

for half hour

and don't cut him off.

I wish I could keep him on

but he loses control.

And it makes it...

Yeah, I know, yeah.

Well, what can you do, huh?

Yeah, so yeah,

but seriously though,

thank you for listening.

Thanks for checking in.

But I think it's...

I really need a brain recharge.

I think I'm looking forward

to this mostly

because I'm going to get away

from work,

going to get away from home,

get away from everything

with the exception of,

you know,

the woman I love.

And I think as far as

the show is concerned,

I think it's time for me

to take a little bit

of a vacation.

I think I'm going to come back

and be even stronger.

Juice is flowing a little bit.

Oh, yeah, and could you do us a favor and update the podcast?

It doesn't really matter.

You know, I do have to do that.

Yeah, I've got to do that before I leave on next Thursday.

You know why I didn't?

Because I was without my laptop up until really recently.

But I do have a bag that's right here next to me.

So on Saturday, I'll do that.

I'll update three episodes now behind.

So I will do that, as well as a lot of prank calls.

So I'll make sure you guys are set, since this is going to be a month-long hiatus.

I was thinking about doing like a best of or two, and I can set them to automatically upload or automatically update on their own.

So I might do like two or three of those so that, you know, there's something for the podcast so it doesn't just sit there and wallow in death.

I might do that.

Good point.

Thanks for reminding me.

I'm going to write that down.

Milkman, write that down.

All right.

Cool.

Anything else you got for us, man?

I'm in for war.

Huh?

Hmm?

Man?

That's it?

What'd you say?

Anything else?

Anything else you wanted to bring up, brother?

No, I just started listening to you guys in December.

Remember, I actually got your website off of PLA.com.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Phone Losers.

Yeah, good people.

You know, the guy who runs Phone Losers, he has his own, like, little show, kind of.

Yeah, he's got a podcast.

One day morning or something.

Yeah, you mentioned the, kind of, the chat line they got.

The bridge.

Bridge, the phone bridge.

And I've done that a couple of times.

I like that too much because, well, people who are, like, crazy fuckers.

There's a bunch of amateurs just out there yelling.

Well, yeah, phone losers, it's a hacking kind of thing.

Right, right.

Yeah, they get a little too into it.

But, I mean, they're trying.

It's a cool thing.

I know a few years ago I used to call in and just listen.

I wouldn't jump in.

But just to hear, you know, a friend of mine, actually Turd Burglar, he's in Iraq.

He told me, hey, man, check this out.

And I called in a few times just to listen with him.

And it was pretty cool.

It was interesting.

I heard it isn't what it used to be from what I understand.

But I haven't called in in a while, so I can't speak for them.

But it's a really good idea.

It's 8 p.m. every night, right?

You can just call in and people will do prank calls?

Yeah, you can call in.

It's like a 1-800 number you can call also and get out for free.

Cool.

All right, man.

Cool.

Everyone, be sure to check that out, folks.

All right, brother.

Well, thanks for calling in.

Thanks for your well wishes.

Good luck.

I will get on that podcast.

All right.

Scott's honor.

All right, man.

All right, take it easy, man.

See you.

All right, that's the guy in Chicago.

Thank you.

You want to say a big what's up to KDK checking in in the chat room?

always good to see him

he's the one

that told me

not to get married

isn't he the one

that's always saying

you know

I just can't get married

it's crazy

when are you going

to get married

like the

like the gay

alcoholic

ugly guy

with a crooked nose

and the

and the crossed eyes

is giving

dispensing out

the best advice

when it comes to marriage

I'm bisexual

I'm fabulous

I'm totally listening to that

alright let's do

another prank call

alright

let's see where we're at

I have no new numbers here

Dinky Diner

We haven't touched that yet.

Let's touch that Google.

Yay.

Yes, I said crooked nose.

It's not slander if it's true.

Is this the diner?

Dinky Diner, please.

No, this is Midget Market.

Oh, Midget Market.

I'm sorry.

I was calling down the stairs.

I'm sorry.

I'm a little confused.

I've been having a little drink.

Someone over there is making slanderous comments about me.

I wanted to get to the bottom of it, please.

Someone over where?

Someone made a slanderous comment over there.

There were some men.

You know those men that were outside loitering before?

I don't know.

There was a black man outside loitering.

He was drinking alcohol.

He was drinking a 40, 40 ounces of beer.

Here at the, at the major market you said, or at the diner?

Outside, outside of the market.

Well, I left my, I left my wall at the diner, but I'm calling you now.

This man was drinking alcohol, and he was making slanderous comments about me.

I want you to go put him on the phone so I can give him what's for on the phone.

He's outside right now?

He was outside before.

Is there a black man out there still?

No, I have customers here.

Can you ask around if, is there a black man in there right now?

Hold

on, there's a black guy here

We're loving what that means

We got a request here from Testio

We're waiting on this

Half Italian, half Ecuadorian

That's a mix

His mom always rents out a spare room

To American college students

Hey now, that'd be nice if she fucked him

Is she Ecuadorian or is she Italian?

She's Ecuadorian

as Ecuadorian girls, I'll tell you what.

I don't know the name of the current girl

that is staying at his house,

but you could call him up and say you're the...

Panamania, too, buddy.

Panamania, right. Panama, dummy.

And say you're the girl's boyfriend or whatever,

and that you've been told that he's banging her.

I know, but they call her Panamania.

What are you talking about? You know that.

To piss him off, you can tell him he's an emo.

And gay.

This is all coming in from Zenobi,

a half Italian, half Ecuadorian.

This is an international number, though, Testillo.

I think it's

let's see this format

yeah I can't call

international calls tonight

hang up on that bitch

she's just like

looking for the black guy

and conducting business

in the background

we'll have time for that

alright Syndicate Radio

it is time for us

to leave you

I would like to thank you

for four years of service

no I'm kidding

we'll be back

on June 19th

I have no idea

who

June 18th

I have no idea

who will be taken over

in my stead

I had made suggestions

for Evil Artie

etc

he said he didn't

want to do it

maybe psychic chuck can come you know um start earlier etc etc i don't know but for the time

being i leave you in the capable hands of the asian sensation himself psychic chuck sir thank

you very much and uh whatever i love you guys i love side uh syndicate whatever

milkman.jizz too don't forget that all right see you guys

hi it takes forever to get off a syndicate now i can't just click a button so you guys are gonna

gonna have to wait all right bitches listen to this now i got i've got cat hair in my mouth now

because i was filleting it the mic my saliva smells like vagina okay now we are on madhouse

radio only 98.6 the mouth only or it all started not really it actually all started over in uh

i forgot the name of the place something pp ppu ppu all right so where are we at 12 03 a.m

It is officially...

I did hear a rumor that he wants to start it back up again.

He's bringing the band back together.

Well, bullshit, because he can't have it without me,

because I'm the guy that, you know, I carry the ship.

I always say that, and that's bullshit.

He had it.

For a while I did, though.

We brought regularity.

For several months.

He lost Zolar.

He lost Zolar because of his attitude.

He lost Lego because of his attitude.

He wasn't doing his own shows.

He was just getting drunk and crying about his boyfriend leaving him.

I was the only one doing regular, decent shows on there.

And he was an asshole to me

He was an asshole to me

For like the last time

He kept being a prick to me

There was a lot of gay crying

I'm telling you man

KDK all the time

He's like you know

He would be an asshole to me

Then he'd apologize the next day

And he'd be an asshole to me

And he'd apologize the next day

And one day he came

And he did that to me

And I said you know what asshole

Fuck you

He shot himself on the air

Remember

Oh yeah

He was playing with a gun on the air

Right

Isn't that what it was

Get out of here man

Yeah

Old man KDK

But Nunu is his

One and only fan

Nunu is still his biggest fan

Dude, you can listen to him if you want.

I don't care.

That's why Nunu loves him.

He likes the gay crying.

But Nunu is the idiot, so what do you expect?

Secretly, I still listen to KDK from time to time, to be honest with you,

because I like prank calls.

And he does a good prank call when he's not getting all involved with the emotions and the alcohol

and when he's not becoming the monster that he is.

All right.

We're out of numbers.

After the K-Bone episode, man, K-Bone dumped his ass.

That's when he went down the tubes, man.

No, no, no, man.

Enough of that now.

Come on.

We don't need to talk about

We don't need to talk bad about his girlfriend

And I'm not going to

It's unnecessary

We don't do that kind of stuff here

We don't need it

And Katie Kay

Will always be my friend

But I still think he was being a butthole to you

And all the people that cared about him

And I don't appreciate the people

That put up with all his shit

What he did to us all

Alright let's listen to some prank calls

let's play some

friend calls

man get over it

yeah I know

right god

grow up

what's wrong with you

right

you in love with him

or something

did he break your heart

Jesus Christ

no

I want to be able

to join

Nuno's fan club

there's a classic

KDK moment

KDK being pranked

by Dr. Lego

I forgot about that

one that's pretty good

Dr. Lego getting

KDK upset

geez

right

in the meantime

while we wait

for more numbers here

let's take a look here

Here, Testio has sent in a different number.

I think this is an American one.

This is in Texas for a AAA Hot Jocks and Babes Escorts.

They are in Texas.

And I've got a number here.

Confirmed at 12.06 a.m.

Very good.

Good for you.

All right, let's do that.

AAA Hot Jocks and Babes Escorts.

Stand by, everybody.

Let's play some more music here.

All right.

Crazy Heretic is dying for Crazy Fucker's email address.

I would normally do that, Crazy Heretic.

I know it's in the spirit of fun.

It'd be fun to give his email out.

But I have a rule here.

I try to keep everything as anonymous as possible because I need, you know,

I like it that people like to send in prank call requests, you know, on the madhouse side

or they call them in or they message them to me and I make it a point to treat everybody universally.

If you're going to send in a prank call request, I'm going to keep you anonymous

so that there's no, you know, ambiguity or anything like that.

I would never do that to you.

You know, if I were to give you CrazyFicker's email address, crazyfickergmail.com,

then, you know, it might deter people from, you know, sending in prank call requests by email

because, oh, well, fuck, you know, I could send it a prank call request

and it's going to get my email address out if they find out, you know.

It's strictly 100% anonymous here.

I never give out the phone number of anybody who calls in.

Even if they could be the biggest asshole, I never give it out to anybody on purpose,

even to Zola or someone else like that to prank call later on.

I'll never do that.

And the same goes with email addresses or, you know, IM names, you know, AOL names, et cetera.

I try not to do that.

I don't do that.

Because it's like, you know, I want people to feel comfortable, Crazy Hair.

Because I know, yes, I know.

I'm not trying to be an asshole.

I just have to treat everybody the same here.

And we all need to be anonymous.

That's why I do it, brother.

I still love you, baby.

All right.

Anyway, the escort place.

Let's go.

Hey, buddy.

I was wondering if there were any ladies available this evening.

Yes, there are.

Where are you located?

At a hotel or a residence?

I'm in a hotel.

I'm in, I don't know if you guys mind, but I really, they want to charge me for incoming minutes something crazy.

I'll call you back.

Oh, don't call you back.

Several dollars a minute or something, so, I'm sorry?

Do you have any, oh, calling your hotel?

Yeah, they said they wanted to charge me a bunch of money.

I don't understand why, but, you know.

What hotel are you at?

I'm at the Sheraton.

You know the one?

Yeah, give me the phone number to the hotel.

It'll be on the phone in the room.

The number's 407.

Are you in Houston or Dallas?

Houston.

But I can't, I mean, if you'd like, I can meet up maybe, like, Dallas-Fort Worth area.

Is that easier for you?

Dallas is three hours away from Houston.

I don't want to go to Dallas, man.

I don't have nothing to do in Dallas.

I'm in Houston.

I'm here for the game.

Okay, well, let me verify your room.

And I've got about 18 girls available tonight in Houston.

I can have a girl be at your room in about 45 minutes.

What's your phone number to the hotel?

Any big girls?

50-girl or tall.

No, like, a little overweight?

No, you're pulling my leg.

No, I'm just serious.

They have a little meat on them.

I don't mind it.

and I'm just asking you.

I like bigger girls.

Do you have anything else to do?

No.

What's the phone number to the hotel?

Hang on, let me look.

Or hang up.

888.

No, that's not the number.

That's the number of the 1-800 number.

No, it's 8...

You know the area code out there?

469.

No, that's Dallas.

That's the number that I'm calling you.

The number that it says here on a stupid stationery

is 888-278-8509 is what I'm reading here.

Do me a favor.

Okay, pick up the phone in the room,

dial zero, and ask them to phone me.

Hang on, give me a second.

Okay, it's 888-278-8509

No, no, don't need 888

I need a phone number

Do you want me to call you back from the hotel?

Would it be better?

Will you fucking stop interrupting me, you effeminate asshole

You are a fucking asshole

You're an effeminate

You're effeminate gay

Well, actually, I'm not gay at all

You sound like it

You sound like you have a penis in your mouth right now

Maybe that's why you

You got a fucking penis

Because you're good, you're good

You fucking call services

and you're not in Houston or Dallas, bitch,

and you don't know where the fuck you're at, asshole.

You're good.

That's the real talk.

You don't have any girl coming over.

That's why you call 10-year in Dallas or Houston.

Do you even know between Dallas and Houston,

one of the largest cities in Texas?

I know the bunch of...

I know that Texas is a rubble.

You're not even letting me talk, you stupid shit.

Small dick who's got girl and woman in him, I guess.

Can I speak yet?

Oh, you got a big temper.

Are you ready for my credit card yet?

Small dick motherfucker with nothing to do, no why.

Are you ready for my credit card number yet?

Returning to Maine.

You have two, please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.

For international numbers, please enter 011.

Small dick international, you reached him.

When I get through with the lawsuit, the lawsuit, I'm going to put through it to you, sir.

Oh, shut the fuck up, you motherfucker.

This is my business.

Eat a dick, bitch.

I'll send a transphobe to your house.

That's probably where you're at.

You're probably at your house.

No.

Get the fuck off my line.

I'm calling on my cell phone from the hotel.

Returning to main menu, you have two,

To listen to your messages, please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.

Small Dick International, how can we help you?

Sweet Caroline.

No cussing in your life.

Is Caroline there?

No cussing in your life.

Is Caroline there?

Small Dick International, how can we help you?

May I speak?

We'll send over a plastic cussing for you to...

Mr. C, what do you pause?

What's that pause when you talk?

You have a pause.

Why do you do that?

Because you're thinking of the next thing to say because you're so inferior to me, sir,

that you actually have to stop for a second and think of what to say.

You are not worth shit.

You are a loser.

No, you see, you call me a faggot.

You like throwing that word around, sir,

but I'm the first one to actually have used that on you.

You pay for it.

Come up with something original.

And you've got preparation.

That's what you do.

And some girl probably fucked you over.

That's why you keep calling the services.

Pissed off.

That's the world.

Yes, you figure.

Yes, very right, sir.

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

That's exactly what it is.

I want you to, I want, do you have a Bible there in your hotel, sir?

Oh, in my hotel?

I'm not in a hotel.

Bitch, you're supposed to be in a hotel.

You forgot your whole lines, didn't you?

No, I'm in a, sir, I am in a hotel.

I am in a hotel.

You people operate in rooms and hotels, you know, and fly-by-night places because you have to have them in the background.

I'm in my second penthouse in Miami, downtown.

What's up?

Where are you?

You're in Miami, downtown.

Yes, I am.

Where are you?

What's the area code of Miami, sir?

What's the phone number there for your penthouse?

So I'll call you back and verify.

I'll call you back and verify.

What's your number there?

What's your 305 area code?

Bitch, don't worry about it.

If you're in Miami, what's the overlay area code in Miami?

Tell me.

That's what we use to verify tricks like you that call.

Right, okay.

Tricks like me.

Very witty.

Very good, sir.

Is there anything else I can help you out with today?

Actually.

Well, please don't call here again, sir.

because we're...

Don't call...

Don't call here again.

All right, let me

spoof him from here.

I actually got a 305 number

here that I can call him from

because we got that

spoof card, right?

What is that number?

It's 305 something.

Yeah, dude.

Let's try that.

This guy is dying, man.

Why don't we hook him up

with the crazy fucker

and get him both

screaming in the phone?

That'd be hilarious.

Why don't you shut up?

I'm working on it.

That's right, bitch.

Oh, look at you.

Look at you picking up the phone.

You're on the computer even more.

You're on the computer.

You know what that means?

That you are a professional trick tracer.

You know what that is?

That somebody that sits on the computer,

projects numbers and dials services and plays games.

I project numbers with my mental power,

my computer penis.

You figured me out.

I hook my computer up to my cock and I fuck it

and I call you any number I want.

What number you want next, you tell me.

I'll do it.

Uh-huh.

What number next do you want, country boy?

Do you know who you're messing with, sir?

Do you know who you're messing with?

Do you know who you stole money from?

Huh?

Do you know who, what, your whore bitch,

your whore disgusting AIDS-ridden woman

who came over here and dared to put her hands on me

and took my money?

This is the true thing.

You must be that guy that's been killing all those transsexuals.

You're the guy.

I'm the guy that's killing all the transsexuals.

Yes, Dad.

Yeah, you're that guy that's been killing all those transsexuals, aren't you?

Yeah, that guy.

That's me.

Yeah.

Oh, that guy, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think I'm on the phone.

Right.

I don't think I'm on the phone.

You should call the 1-800-TIPS.

Maybe you could get the reward.

I might.

You'll be the first one they call.

Right.

What are you going to do with that?

How many tubes of KY jelly are you going to use with that reward, sir?

Ooh.

You're very effeminate.

Very effeminate.

Don't put it over.

You sound like you'd take it.

You'd take it good, right?

You'd take it in the ass good, right?

Yeah.

See, you said it.

You admit it, yeah.

I'm never taking it.

All right, you know what Freud said about that?

What are you doing tonight?

You know what Sigmund Freud said?

You keep interrupting me, sir.

I can't help you if you keep interrupting me.

Masters of biochemistry, faggot.

Get off my phone.

I'm full of shit.

You're over.

Masters of biochemistry.

You place a call.

That's why I want to listen to your rumors.

I'm a master of biochemistry, and I'm pipping out horrors.

Master baiters, maybe.

Biochemistry.

Bio is nuts in your mouth.

Yeah.

That's why he's on some fast track, huh?

Oh, man, that's funny.

Even extension fo-fo-fo-fo.

I was listening to that prank call earlier today.

The one where I called the woman, like,

yeah, I'm going to extension fo-fo now, fo-fo-fo-fo.

She's like, you crazy, you know it today.

I was running through, I was like,

yeah, I want the number fo-fo-fo.

He's crazy, you crazy, you know it today.

You'll find that now.

Forget what that's called, that's some funny shit.

I was sitting down, I was talking to my little cousin

in Puerto Rico, she's, well, she's not little anymore, she's 22, but she's like a little

sister to me, and I was sending her, she doesn't know about the show, well, she knows that

I do a radio show, but she was still like 18 when I first told her about it, and I was

like, oh, you can't go to his website, I can't tell you, I want you to tell him, you know,

my aunt, you know, your mom, don't tell him, I can't, she's like, alright, whatever, so

I finally, I sent her like a few of the prank calls last night, she was cracking up, her

and her boyfriend were cracking up listening to them in Puerto Rico, they can understand

and they speak pretty good English.

She's coming to the wedding,

so we were talking about wedding stuff and all that.

She's thinking about moving in with us here

for a few months to my house.

She's going to try to get a job

and learn the language a little bit,

and she's going to probably join the Navy

or the Army or the Air Force she's talking about,

which kind of worries me

when you hear people like crazy fuckers

saying stuff like they do.

But you know what I just did?

For some reason, I got this thing.

I'm taking red pepper, right?

And I put a little bit in my palm of my hand,

and then I mix them with some salt,

and I mix it up, and then I lick it on my palm.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

Damn.

Nice and salty.

Make sure you wash your hands before you go, you know, with Charlie.

True story.

I was cutting jalapenos once.

We were, an ex-girlfriend, not Athena, an ex-girlfriend,

we were making tacos at home, and I was cutting jalapenos,

and then about an hour later, I took it upon myself to, you know, a little bit,

and, you know, I was going down to town for a while,

Then I started, you know, getting a little stinky pinky.

And then all of a sudden she's like, she's like, wait a minute.

Like she told me it was the funniest thing.

She was like, at first it felt good.

It felt a little warm.

And she thought I was doing something special.

I was like, what do you have?

Like maybe I had a mint in my mouth or something like that.

And it started burning.

It started tingling.

Then it started burning.

And she started freaking out.

She's like, wait a minute.

Did you wash your hands?

I was like, uh-oh.

And I had to run to the kitchen and grab an ice cube tray, bring it back.

went through an entire tube

of

entire tray of ice cubes

funny story

I don't know Mavin

would that hurt you

tell me

was she faking it

like it calls it

the manhouse seasoning

there you go

a little bit of tuna

and hot sauce

you have some adobo

in there too

I put that on anything

maybe

I'm going to go down

on you

I'm going to put some

hot sauce on you

adobo.com

I tried to get that

domain man

it's taken

it was available for years

and I was like

I'm going to get that

adobo.com

when i finally went to get it was gone oh man another one i want to get is madhouse

madhouse radio.com it was down to like the day before it expired i was like fuck yeah me and

the dead were watching it the dead's like i'll watch it i'll watch it for you you know he was

telling me i was like all right cool cool and it got taken again i guess it's uh man cow i guess

he used to have a show called the man man man cow's morning madhouse or something like that

and uh he had it registered on it for himself and it was going to drop off and i guess he wasn't

going to renew it, but some other company,

Chicago, like, took it at the last minute.

Some big company. I think it's, like, a radio

station or something. That's not the right music

to show yet.

We got more numbers here from Lonesome Loser. Let's get to those

quickly. Mongolian Barbecue,

Skunk Bay Lighthouse,

Cougar Hill Ranch, and

Kimber Saloon. Before we do that, I wanted to talk

about some stuff here, guys. I don't think we're only

on Syndicate right now. I wanted to mention here,

you know, we're going to be gone for a while. A few days

here. I'm seriously

entertaining the thought, and I know I've talked about this before,

I thought I'd be honest with you guys and tell you

Milkman I talked to you about this earlier on Monday

I think it was, Tuck you don't know about this

and the rest of you I don't think know about this

I'm seriously entertaining the thought that this show

might retire, might actually be retiring

the Madhouse show for a lot of reasons

I do feel a little

burnt out sometimes and a lot of people

I understand sure perhaps maybe taking

the hiatus for a little week, after a few weeks

there maybe we'll recharge things but

the other problem is financially it is getting

really hard to justify supporting the show

It costs me around $30 a month for the toll-free line alone.

The hosting comes out to about a good, for the site, for the podcast and all that,

comes out to about $15 a month altogether.

I spend somewhere around $20 a month for the ShotKast station.

And there's other costs incurred here and there, of course, with the whole production.

And it does take a lot of time.

And financially right now with the wedding coming up and just other stuff that's going on,

I've got, you know, my parents are, my mom is the only one working right now.

My dad's unemployed, hasn't been able to find work for nine months, going on ten at this point.

And they've run out of their savings, so I'm finding it hard to justify.

Here I am spending $60, $70, $80 a month perhaps on this madhouse,

which is fun to do, and I love entertaining you guys.

And look, man, you were telling me last night, you know, we've got to laugh.

And, you know, through all the hard times, it's important you've got to do something so you can laugh.

but it's kind of hard to justify

seeing my parents going through a tough

financial situation

not being able to help them out

with at least something here and there

at the same time doing a show

and spending the money that I do

so I haven't made a final decision guys

I wouldn't just drop it on you

I understand that it could be a perfect opportunity

seeing as I'm going to be going a month without doing a show

maybe to not come back and never do it again

to be honest with you

two weeks ago we came within

maybe six hours

from the madhouselive.com site

from being shut down completely for non-payment.

The shoutcast station was shut off

for, what was it, Tuck? I think a good five or six

days, I think. Four or five days because I couldn't

pay the bill for it. Luckily, somebody

came through and helped us out with a donation.

I'm not going to say who that was.

Out of respect for that person, that is not to be mentioned.

That person helped us out immensely

and is helping pay us the shoutcast station

for the two to three months. I've never been the kind of person

to say, everybody, you need to start

donating. I would rather end the show

before I start asking people every day,

every minute on the show to make a donation

and keep things going.

That's not what this is about.

Nunez says, get rid of the toll-free line.

That's correct, yes.

That is true.

The only problem was that would change the face of the show

because every promo has 888-278-8509.

As I speak, I'm watching it scroll

on the bottom of our video feed.

So that would be kind of interesting to do.

But that's true.

We could eliminate there.

A source of expenditure right there, that's true.

There are a lot of options,

The good thing is, hey, thanks to Google Voice, so long as they keep that going,

we've got free anonymous prank calls now.

Hollywood Vanya was helping out as much as he could.

He knew the situation, and he was actually buying the phone card minutes.

Milkman, you used to all the time until you left the Virgin Islands

because you had that hook up there with the phone cards.

Yeah, I did for, what, the last three years?

Three years, yeah.

Until I came to California.

Right, and Hollywood was, for several months, he was paying.

Oh, shit, I spent several.

Hundreds.

I spent several, several, several dollars a month, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Altogether, I had thousands of dollars originally when I was supporting the old PCU network.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, you were supporting a lot of people back then.

I look at it.

Yeah.

You know, it's because Athena was talking.

We said, you know, Carlos, Carlos, she was telling me, you know,

I mean, you really got to think about things right now.

Like, it's gotten to the point where I actually, I went through my,

I sold my Dreamcast.

I had an original Dreamcast released on September 9th, 1999.

9-9-9-9, release date.

Sold it on eBay.

I didn't even know it closed about two hours ago.

I don't know what it went for.

Athena, the genus over there, decided to handle it.

I was like, you know how to do this.

You're going to handle it, right?

Oh, yeah, sure.

She didn't put a minimum bid on it.

Last time I checked, it was going for like $25 for a Dreamcast with two games,

two controls, a rumble pack, two little memory cards with little screens on them and everything,

and a bunch of shit.

It's a good $80 deal normally, and because she didn't put a minimum bid on it,

someone's going to get a rip-off.

I'm just depressed about that.

But anyway, yeah, I didn't want to just drop it on you guys.

I promise I won't be like, you know, I'm never going to come back after the honeymoon.

I wouldn't do that to you, but it doesn't look good, to be honest,

unless things pick up, unless things start improving here pretty soon.

And it may be, perhaps maybe, it might take a few months to come back.

I might have to say, you know, until I get back on my feet,

until my family gets back on their feet.

To me, it just feels disrespectful to my parents.

You know, like, you know, here they're doing everything they can to survive.

You know, they don't want to lose their house.

They don't want to lose their car.

And I'm helping them out as much as I can, you know, myself.

But I can only do so much.

But that literally, I mean, when it comes to, you know,

am I going to overdraw my bank account in order to pay for Madhouse Radio?

I mean, honestly, guys, I know it's fun.

There are situations over here that, you know, we all have to focus our attentions on

and totally understand where things are.

I mean, you've got stuff going on to have to focus my attentions on business-wise.

Right, right.

You know, it's been a fun three-year ride, man, you know?

Well, maybe not.

I mean, maybe something will come up or maybe we'll figure something out.

I mean, there's a lot of options out there, a lot of things we can do.

But, hey, you know, there's still plenty of options to do.

There's still plenty of time.

No need to panic.

But I'm telling you, I'll be goddamned if I'm going to be the person that's going to be on here like Blackout or something like that,

begging for your donations every ten minutes or telling you, yeah, well, you know.

Nah, dude.

Pay those five bucks for a prank call.

I will never.

It's not fun at that point.

It's a commercial.

It's an infomercial.

And that's not what we're about.

Nah, that's bullshit.

that's bullshit

don't worry

I will do everything

You know what?

Remember I talked to you before the show started, right?

Yes, you did.

Yes, and I don't appreciate you calling me those nasty words.

Well, anyway, just, I know, I know.

That's between you and me, honey.

Right.

No, seriously.

I know you're getting ready to go on vacation, and when you get back, you know, there's a financial strain.

Obviously, you have a new household, you've got a new life.

And I'll be working, and when we get back, by the time you get back, we'll have something arranged.

And what I am going to do is I'm going to prepay our accounts for a long period of time

so that we have the availability to be able to go on when we want to.

And then that way it's not such a money issue.

I understand you want to help your family out because I'm the same way.

You know, family is all you really got.

That's all you got in this world is blood, man, you know.

It really comes down to it.

And I can understand completely.

And, you know, we've talked a lot.

I've told you about my family, and you've told me about yours.

And, you know, we don't talk about this stuff in public, but I do understand.

But I want you to know, and I want other people out there to know,

that that's my intention is that we're going to get this thing rolling again after you return.

And don't despair.

And we all have some money crunch times, you know.

And, you know, we never beg for money, and that's true.

I've never asked anybody to do anything.

None of us have.

But for the fun of it is what it's all about.

And it's really all about having fun and sharing smiles and laughs with each other.

Me and you are total crazy goofheads, and we love it, you know.

And a lot of people we've met along the way enjoy our crazy type of humor and entertainment that we provide.

It's not just prank calls.

It's a lot of other stuff.

And that's what makes, I believe, make our show special for all these years while we've had a lot of fun

and had a lot of people interested because we don't just do one trick.

We've got a variety of things to offer

And good things to offer all our listeners out there

So no matter what, if something goes down

There's five or six other things going on all the time

During the show

To give you some entertainment

And give you things to think about and laugh about

So don't despair, brother

I'm going to make this new move in my life

A new phase in my life

It's coming up

We're going to take it on to the next level, man

So when you get back

And as soon as you're ready

We'll project ourselves

Maybe in 2009 and make a new show.

Maybe just being premature, but I just want to be honest with you guys.

I mean, honestly, I mean, I've got to make decisions, tough decisions.

And, you know, at the end of the day, we had a conversation about finances and stuff like that.

And we're like, you know, I mean, really when it comes to our personal finances,

we sat down and we were doing finances together.

And, I mean, you've got to understand, although I love you guys and I love Madhouse Radio and it's fun as hell,

but shit, I mean, when it comes to personal life, it is at the bottom of the priority list.

It's not that I don't love you guys, man, but, I mean, when it comes to, you know,

I've got to pay for school, and I've got to pay for the rent, bills, utilities, medical bills, and stuff like that.

You're at a different stage in your life, dude.

You're building your future right now as we speak.

It sucks to have to bear the cost of the whole thing, dude.

It's just the way things are right now.

It's my real time, too, and I'm on the upside of it, as I feel about it.

But, you know, if we got the time and want to enjoy ourselves,

I am wanting to make sure that we're available to others to enjoy as well and share our laughs.

Houston Rockets, Wilma.

That's my intention.

So when you come back, before you get back, we'll have an arrangement made.

We'll figure it out, man.

Don't worry.

I'm sure it'll work out.

Before you take off.

I'll definitely be back on the 18th.

Don't worry about that.

To be honest, you know, I am looking forward to this time off.

I'm seriously thinking about for a couple weeks,

It's actually just turning this computer off and just getting away from it for a while

and then focus on what I've got to do, you know what I'm saying?

So I'm looking forward to the vacation, so to speak.

I'm kind of looking forward to it, too, to be honest with you.

I'm bringing my laptop, but we're going to spend two days, three days, two nights in a resort

in the mountains in Puerto Rico where there is no Internet, no phone.

it's just

it's a

it's a nice hotel

it's got a nice pool

and a beautiful view

it's in a rainforest up there

but there's not going to be any

it's like you know

bring a book

or just hang out

do some hiking

etc

you know

I'm going to enjoy that

I'm going to disconnect

completely from everything

no email

no cell phone

no nothing

good three or four

you know

three or four days away from that

but before that

I'm going to be in San Juan

and partying like a rock star

you know

going to be doing the whole

the whole casino thing

and staying at the nice resort there

you know

where everything's

you know

Nice and fancy.

At the same time, also, of course, the cruise.

I'm not going to be connected there because they've got internet on the cruise.

I can open up my Wi-Fi on the laptop, but I think it costs like $25 for an hour worth of internet service or something like that.

I might do it once.

I might buy an hour block in the middle of the cruise.

I was thinking it might be cool on Thursday, even if I don't do video, just to do an audio show,

like maybe 10 minutes, just connect for a quote.

Hey, everybody, this is Carlito in the middle of honeymoon.

But I was like, Athena probably wouldn't like that.

She'd be like, oh, it's their honeymoon.

That'd be cool, man.

It's their honeymoon.

You got the lighthouse thing.

We talked before the show, remember?

So, like I said, maybe if you got the time, the gumption, dude,

maybe I can make a donation to make that happen because I think it'd be funny as shit.

All right.

So, anyway, I wanted to mention the Celtics.

The only mobile ocean Caribbean show.

I wanted to mention that the Houston Rockets, if you were following,

did win by 15 points over the Lakers.

They've tied the series 3-3, forcing a Game 7,

just like the Magic did tonight, forcing a Game 7.

Hopefully, God damn it, go Magic, my team, since I was a kid.

Hopefully, we'll advance to go to the Cavs and get beat by the Cavs,

and that's okay.

If there's any doubt in anybody's mind, I understand Denver advanced, right?

Denver advanced to the conference finals, as did the Cavs.

If there was any doubt in anybody's mind that Cleveland wasn't going to make it

to the, I don't know.

I mean, I hope, to God's sake, I would love to see the Magic make it to the finals.

And I did know that in the regular season, in the series between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Atlanta Magic,

we did beat them more times than they beat us.

And we did have a huge 29-point win over them towards the end of the season.

So I think we could hold our own against the Cavs, but you've got to be honest, man.

King James LeBron is just on fire right now in his career.

He's just at a pinnacle in his career and in these playoffs, no doubt even.

I can't see Houston, I really don't think I can't see Houston advancing at this point

past the Lakers, though, without Yao Ming.

I don't see that.

But hey, look at the Celtics, how they're playing without Kevin Garnett,

and look at how the Magic are playing without Jermaine Nelson, you know?

What do you know?

What do I know?

Okay.

You guys are mentioning cigars.

You haven't noticed, I haven't smoked cigars in a show in a while,

because I'm broke.

All right.

Kimball Saloon, they're in San Angelo, Texas.

We've got to start wrapping it up here.

I've got to get to work tomorrow.

It's 12.41 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, Friday, May 15th, 9.41 p.m.

I love acoustic versions of songs like this.

A good song, the only way to make a good song better is an acoustic version of it.

Yeah, man, this is a classic, man.

This is John Popper.

I got a little batch of cigars I'd like to smoke every now and then.

There you go.

I got a whole list of stuff I got to buy for the cruise.

Right on the top there is, you know, cigars.

I got to pick up some Monte Cristos, but I'm telling you when.

I was telling Evil Artie, I was talking to him on the phone a few days ago.

the first cruise

stop that we're

going to hit

is Barbados

son of a bitch

if not the first

thing I'm going to

do is find a nice

cigar shop

and pick myself

up some Cuban

cigars man

get myself some

real Cohibas

I'm talking about

the Cuban Cohibas

not those Dominican

seed ones

and they get the

red dot Cohibas

man

yeah man

Art is like

you going to

prove me

yeah it's funny

because I got

Evil already

into smoking

cigars now

like he calls me

all the time

he's like yeah

I'm smoking cigars

he smoked his

first cigar here in the studio that one the first time he was here and now that's all he's smoking

cigars out the ass now that kid's crazy man he's just trying to be cool tell him to swish your

sweets man oh swish your sweets those are like cigarillos man that's not the same it's funny

because i was like uh so arty what kind of cigar cutter do you have like cigar cutter what's that

and like are you kidding me he's like yeah well you don't they make them with holes now that's

It's old stuff.

I'm like, Artie, if you're smoking cigars with a hole in it already,

you're smoking a shitty cigar.

I like your fortitude.

You're trying, kid.

But, yeah, you need to get yourself a good cigar.

You never had a good cigar if you haven't had one that you had to use a cutter on.

And I told him, he's like, well, I don't know how to do it.

I was like, they'll do it for you at the cigar shop.

When you buy the cigar, they usually ask you right there,

you want us to cut it for you right now?

I just tell them, yeah, just tell them to cut it free and put it in the bag, and it's ready to go.

Because there is, you know, there is a special way to cut the cigar, you know, and put the hole in it.

You get the little, I like the, I have, my, my, my.

Some of those punches, too.

You know, those punches are really neat, too.

Have you seen those new punches they got?

That's what I've got.

I got a punch.

So I like the hole.

I just, I put the hole in it myself.

I don't cut it.

Yeah, those are nice.

Those are better.

I like that better, yeah, yeah.

Right, right.

You don't have to cut the end off of it.

I like the punch a little better because the wrapper won't come off as easily.

That's what happens.

You get the whole end of it off, the wrapper has a tendency to want to come loose.

Every time when I use my cutter, dude, like the guillotine one, you know, it's like, yeah, it starts unraveling, you know, after a little while.

I got to peel it off and it gets in my teeth.

With the punch, you're good to go.

You don't have to worry about that happening, man.

Right on.

Okay, let's do a few more prank calls and let's call it a night.

Kimball Saloon, everybody.

San Angelo, Texas, I said before, let's get to it.

According to Wikipedia, Cuba is home to over 11 million people.

Say what?

I said, according to Wikipedia, Cuba is home to over 11 million people.

Can I make a reservation, please?

This is Kimo's bar.

Yeah, I know. I wanted to make a reservation for a party of four.

Hello, sir.

Because you know why she did that, right?

Because she's racist and she hears me talking about Cuba.

Oh, no, this is Cuban. This Cuban ain't going to come in here.

No, I'm not Cuban.

Yeah, yeah, man.

Don't want them, them, them, them there here.

I'm looking up Cohiba

That's what I meant to do

I think Cuba for some reason

I don't know

Cohiba Cigar Brand

Let's take a look here

Excuse me

Cohiba

Cohiba is a brand

I like the torpedoes man

Cohiba is a brand

For two kinds of premium cigar

One produced in Cuba

For Habanos S.A.

The Cuban State Owned Tobacco Company

Excuse me

and the other produced in the Dominican Republic.

See, that's the one that we get here in the States.

I think it's Red Dot is what they call it.

Yeah, they're not as good.

I think it's the one they're good, but they're not as good.

But I think it's the ones, the Cuban ones always have the red mark on it, right?

Yeah, see?

Like it says right here,

through the 1980s until its current incarnation,

the so-called Red Dot Cohiba,

named for the red dot in the middle of the O on Cohiba on its brands and boxes.

See?

That is the deal.

But I think it says they stopped doing that, though.

Hang on.

Cleansers are going to the Cuban.

Huh, no.

Guess not.

Okay, anyway, so, yeah, I believe that's what I'm going to be picking up,

some legitimate Cuban cigars.

The problem is you can't get off the boat with them.

You can smoke them all you want on a cigar on the cruise ship,

but as soon as we get back to Puerto Rico, they're going into trash.

But what I'm going to do, I'm just going to take the wrappers off

and replace them with, I don't know, something else.

Dutch Masters or something.

Swisher Sweets.

Yeah, there you go.

Oh, no, sir, Mr. Immigration Officer.

This is a swish of sweet right here.

That's a pretty big swish of sweet there, sir.

Oh, you know.

It's a brunt, man.

It's what we got down there in Jamaica, man.

You know.

Big, uh, weight on those plastic tips.

Yeah, I was thinking, you know, I haven't smoked weed in a while,

but last time I went on a cruise, when I got to St. Thomas,

um, I bought weed, um,

and, you know, on the island, and I smuggled it in.

It was quite easy.

It wasn't hard at all.

You've got to do that, dude, yeah.

That, you know, is nerve-wracking, though, because I know for a fact our room steward, he knew.

Nice, a primo budge there, man.

Yeah, not really.

It wasn't that good.

I wasn't too impressed with it, but I don't know.

Like, I got ripped out.

Did you run a really good skank week?

Yeah, well, I'll tell you what.

We had three, my first cruise, the only cruise that I've been on, we had three stops.

We had the Bahamas.

We had St. Thomas and St. Martin.

Bahamas

some guy

I'm walking around

I'm not even thinking about it

and this black dude

comes up

yeah man

you want doobies

I'm like yeah

doobies

yeah

okay sure

so how much

he's like

so how much for like

a quarter

he's like $50

I was like $50

what the fuck

are you talking about

$50

I walked off

he's like

alright $5.25

I'm like okay

he goes

I'll tell you what

I'm the owner

of the liquor store

over here

so you meet me

in front of this

jewelry store

and I'll trade it with you

I'm like okay whatever

so I give him

the money

he gives me

this paper bag

a small folded paper bag

and I'm like oh shit

so I'm holding it

and I'm like alright

so I'm going to put it in my sock

or something

so I can sneak it in

etc etc

you know

so I go

there's a Subway sandwich

you know place

he gave you the shit weed

$50 would have been the good weed

no

you know what he

you know what he did

he took a paper bag

like a small

like a paper bag

that you would use

for like a beer

like this size

you know

like you're wrapping this

maybe he had cut it in half

the paper bag was cut in half

half of a paper bag

inside the paper

you know

I get to the subway station, the subway sandwich station.

I go to the bathroom.

I'm like, all right, I'm going to take it out of the bag.

I'm going to put it in my sock, hide it nice and well so I can get in the shit back with it.

I was like, we had another five hours in the pool.

I'm like, fuck that.

I'm going to go to my balcony and smoke in the room.

I open up this paper bag, unfold it, unfold it, unfold it, unfold it.

What's in the center?

No weed.

A beer cap.

That's exactly what the guy stole.

Can you believe that?

I was like, motherfucker.

motherfucker, so I got ripped off for 25 bucks, thinking I was getting a pot, and that taught me

a lesson, and what are you going to do, what are you going to do, go to the cops, yeah, this guy

ripped me off for weed, and I saw him, like, it was me and my ex-girlfriend, and we're walking

back to the boat, and I was pissed off, I was like, fucker, that guy, he said, I only have,

like, I only have, like, a hundred dollars cash, and this guy, like, took almost, you know, a quarter

of it, I'm like, fuck, I really want that weed, and this and that, you know, like, and then we

saw him, like, he was, like, offering to take a picture for these tourists, and he saw me from

from far away,

and he started running away,

he like,

he threw the camera back,

at the tourist,

and he started running away,

like you bastard,

you son of a bitch,

you motherfucker,

because like,

it was funny,

because like,

come on,

yeah,

and then,

and then I was leaving,

and like,

I saw this guy,

was selling like,

cigars and stuff,

a cigar shop,

and I went in there,

and I told him my story,

and he's like,

oh man,

you should have gone down,

to the,

to the moped guys,

like the moped guys,

oh yeah,

the guys,

you see those guys down there,

in that corner,

hanging out,

where the mopeds are

I'm like yeah

I was like oh yeah

they sell weed

I'm like are you kidding

he's like yeah

all you have to do

is go over there

we'll sell you some

I'm like oh fuck yeah

at that point

I was all frazzled

so yeah that wasn't

a good thing

but in St. Thomas

Milkman

you lived in St. Thomas

or on the Virgin Islands

good people there

and yeah

there I actually

got to buy it

and it did not

get ripped off

that guy didn't

rip me off

he was a cool dude

he was like hey

you want some

I was like

I looked at him

I said what's up

he was like what's up

you good

I was like yeah

you got any weed

And he's like, yeah, sure.

You know, gave him 25 bucks.

He gave it to me.

And it was funny because my ex-girlfriend, she was with me.

She was like, you make sure he shows it to you.

She actually told him that.

I said, you got to show it to us.

He's like, okay, here.

He's like, in front of you, like, you know, chill out.

You know, it was like, we told him the story.

He started to laugh.

He's like, yeah, the Bahamas is full of assholes.

And it's true.

I got off the boat and there was this guy in the Bahamas.

He was such a prick to us.

He said something.

something and then these other people that are going to be in the wedding with us um they said

the same thing i warned them before they went to the bahamas i was like hey man when you get to the

bahamas get ready because the people that are really mean and sure enough they got off the boat

and this guy was like asking if they wanted to ride to paradise island you know to atlantis a

really big resort with the underground underwater casino and all that and i said no thank you we're

going to the beach he's like fuck you then yeah he's like the guy goes fuck you then you know and

And the Bahamas wonders why they have such a bad reputation as far as the cruising community

and as far as tourism is right now.

It's because the people over there are really fucking mean to the tourists.

You don't bite the hand that feeds you, buddy.

Enough talk about weed and cruising.

Let's do one more prank call.

And we're done.

Until I get back.

A month.

I can't believe a month.

I don't want to leave.

I don't want to end the show.

I just want to sit here and bullshit.

How many people are listening right now?

Let's see the numbers.

Oh, cool.

We got decent numbers here.

24 plus 5 plus another 13.

That's 3742

Not bad, well thanks everybody for hanging in there with me

Cougar Hill Ranch

Is this the ranch?

Still taking seats tonight or am I too late?

Huh?

Is this the Cougar Hill Ranch?

No what? No pizza key?

Are you Puerto Rican?

Dude, is there any white people there?

Casans?

No keys

You don't have the key?

Nikki is Nelly's Niki.

Oh, Nikki's not there.

Niki is Nelly's Niki.

She's a cougar, right? Cougar, right?

Yeah, it's cougars.

You know what a cougar is? You like cougars, man?

Yeah.

Cougars are like older ladies that have nice ass, nice titties, nice ass.

Fuck them, you know?

You like have sex with old lady?

You don't like cougar? How old are you?

I'm 20 years.

¿Cuántos años tienes?

Yes.

You have 20 years? ¿Veinte?

Yeah.

You like 40-year-old woman?

Yeah.

¿Te gusta mujer con 40 años?

¿Eh?

¿You want my esposa?

My esposa is 45.

Cuarenta y cinco años, my esposa.

Come over, you fucker, man.

Come on, you wanna?

I wanna, wanna.

You Mexican?

Yeah.

You wanna fuck my wife?

You like cougar woman?

Yeah, you like to fuck a wife?

Mexicana.

¿Eh?

Yes or no?

You want, you want sex tonight or no, man?

I put you on video.

You have sex with my wife tonight.

Oh, maybe, maybe.

How big are you?

Cinco.

¿Eh?

Cinco.

I'm not, no, no, no.

No, you're 20, right?

You're 20?

Yeah.

Oh, she's 45.

My wife, my esposa is 45, 45 años.

You come over and chinga, you know, chinga her, you know?

No.

No, why?

She looks good.

She has big, uh, not gas.

She's bueno.

Yeah, it's good.

I watch you.

I can watch you.

Huh?

You let me watch you have sex?

Yeah, I can watch it.

I can watch?

No, I watch you.

No, no, watch yo.

You watch me?

No.

What do you want to watch?

No, me quiere watch it.

You want to watch?

Yeah.

You want to watch me have sex with my wife?

Listen, I sex my wife, you watch.

You watch I have sex with my wife.

For me, get it, watch.

And I can watch?

Me watch?

Yeah.

Can I touch it when I watch?

Okay.

Yeah, I touch you?

Yeah.

I put it in your ass?

I give it to you.

I give, you know, I give you the chorizo.

You know what a train, you know a train?

You know what a train, you know what a train is?

You know, you know what a train, a train, you know a train?

You know a train, choo-choo, you know that?

that, you, me, and wife, we make a train, like, choo-choo, and train, yeah, me, you,

and my wife, what side do you want, you want the back or the front, huh, what do you like,

the pussy, you like the mouth, the ass, what do you want, you want the pussy, yeah, you

like a pussy, what about your ass, can I get your ass, listen, I put it in your ass, and

And then you put it in my wife's pussy.

It's good, right?

You want to talk to Nicky?

Yeah, yeah.

Do you want to do it?

Yes, yeah.

Okay.

Gonzales.

Who am I speaking?

Rodriguez?

Lopez?

Gomez?

Yeah, put Nicky on the phone.

Here on the phone.

Give me your number so I can talk to you.

Oh, give me your number.

Yeah, give me.

Give me.

Okay, hurry up.

Okay, Gomez.

Come on.

Yeah, I know sex, yeah.

Zero.

Sex?

Yeah.

Zero.

Nine.

Zero one.

Seven.

Zero seven.

Yeah.

Hey, Cody, what's the code?

661.

661?

Yeah.

And that's Nicky?

Yeah.

Do you like Nicky?

You want to get Nicky and...

No, Nicky no key.

No, but you want me in the pussy, right?

In the pussy?

Yeah.

With Nicky, right?

Nicky, si, si, mucho que dejo.

Can you hold the line?

Can you wait for a second?

Give me two minutes?

Yeah.

Don't go anywhere, okay?

Okay.

Don't go.

Okay, don't go.

Go, man.

I'm listening.

What's on with the fucking line?

I tried to conference her with Nicky, whoever that is, and it's got a really loud beep.

Apparently, I got one that was around a train on Nicky.

That's pretty impressive.

I sent you a special request.

It's been getting since last week.

I told this listener that I'd send it in to you.

Not a little monkey.

All right, Milkman, what is this?

This is the Puppyland Pet Shop in L.A.

Tell them that they sold you a pig or a puppy, and it gave you the swine flu.

Here we go.

Ten, four, all over it.

Also, they had this question there.

You looked at the earlier part of it there.

They sent you a question.

I don't know if you can do all that or not, but I told them I'd send it to you.

Oh, about that?

Yeah.

That would take a lot of pre-planning.

Maybe for the next show.

Next week.

Oh, okay.

No, not next week.

Oh.

Well, you know who you are.

Remind me in a month, buddy.

I'll be back.

I will.

You know me, Hermano.

I always remind you.

Tell me about it.

Apparently, I'm being told there is an acoustic version of Hey Ya, according to MST3 Clay.

Is that Tom?

I don't guess.

Hello?

Andre 3000.

Hello?

What's up?

Hey, is this the puppy place?

Yeah.

I had a question about your dogs.

Sure.

What is with the quality of the breeding there?

Because I think there's a flaw in this puppy that you guys got sold me.

Okay.

I asked for a Labradoodle.

Do you guys do Labradoodle?

Oh, we don't sell Labradoodle.

Okay, because I asked this one place for a Labradoodle, and they referred me over to you,

and I said, no, that's disgusting.

They told me about some complaints about your puppies there, that they were inbred.

Yeah, sure, buddy.

Sure.

Yeah, sure.

I believe you.

Sure, buddy.

Returning to Maine, you have two new messages.

So listen to your messages.

Sure, buddy.

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

Labradoodle is an accepted breed by the AKC.

No, they're not.

Tell Athena that.

She'll rip your ass a new one.

The TKC, sorry.

Yeah, not the AKC.

TKC, I'm sorry.

TKC.

Not the AKC.

Athena's very, she, she, it's funny because Athena's, you know, she's a dog groomer, so

she really knows about this stuff, and she says it's horrible, like, she, she's a very

anti, you know, toy breeds, and, and, you know, these mixes of Labradoodle and stuff

like that, and, but she says she actually likes the Labradoodles, she says, she, she grooms

them, and she says she wants to hate them because, you know, it's inbreeding, it's not

of the different breeds.

I hated all those toy dogs.

When I worked in the Humane Society,

I hated the toy dogs.

Right?

Yeah, because they seemed to be

mean little fuckers.

Because brown is the color of the future, man.

Yeah, whatever.

There were ones that would be brown one day.

Maybe, but Athena doesn't,

you know, she's against the cross-breeding of breeds

because it's not good for them genetically.

They've got all kinds of problems.

ones but she says she finds it hard to hate the labradoodles because they're so damn cute she

says they look like little bears she says when they're puppies and uh she has one and she she

grooms called fozzie he looks just like fozzie bear he's got like a coat like kind of curly like

a like a teddy bear he's really cool she says so she's been having a dilemma on not hating the

labradoodles anymore i've never seen one before so i don't know i don't think it's a good idea to be

um mixing animals so what it's a labrador retriever and a poodle labradoodle is that

Is that what it is?

Yeah, I've seen them.

They kind of look like a big, weird-looking poodle.

Yeah, yeah.

That's horrible.

Don't do that to dogs.

I think everybody with their own kind.

They're sweet dogs.

I think, no, no.

Everybody should be with their own kind only, Milkman.

I think that...

No mixing with the races, huh?

Exactly.

No mixing with the races.

That's right.

And I think the senator of Louisiana, George Wallace, was correct.

Tuck, I know you'd agree with me.

You're from here, from the South.

You know

Segregation now

Segregation tomorrow

You were from Alabama

And segregation forever

Was it Alabama?

I thought it was Louisiana

It was Alabama?

George Wallace won?

No, it was Alabama

Well, fuck

What do I know?

They're all the same

They all look the same

Oh,

Oy, oy, oy.

Alrighty.

Thumbs up, Carlito.

You're rich, by the way.

Speaking of the end of Mikey129, I think this is the end of the show.

Milkman, take us out of here, please.

All right, my brother, my brother, that's what I'm talking about.

Well, unfortunately, it's that time, that time once again,

and funky times are coming, and all you friends and lovers of the funky times,

stay tuned because we're going to have to back right on out of here.

I want to thank everybody out there for going in.

I know all you crazy syndicators are done tuned out.

Thank you very much for tuning in.

We sure enjoyed having you.

To all you friends over there at 9846, God knows we love you.

You guys are really awesome.

You know, you're the most awesome as you're out there.

I want to especially thank my good friend, the Lonesome Loser.

My friend, I hope you get a chance to join up up there at Camp Carlito up there in the great hills in Pennsylvania.

I sure would love to join you.

I plan on meeting up with you up there.

But unfortunately, as circumstances should prevail, I will not have that opportunity.

So I ask that you take my place and enjoy yourself, Lonesome Loser.

Thank you for all your help out there.

God bless you.

Lonesome Loser, a number of hit men, just like all our friends out there.

Mr. Tug, Tug, my friend, your buddy, and compadre here on the show, thank you so much, too, for all your help, man.

Yeah.

And I hope you have a nice couple days off, too.

But especially you, our listeners, that's right, our friends out there in the madhouse, maybe, like me, and if you play, we love you.

You know why?

Because it's all about you.

We do this every week for you guys.

We have been for the last four years, if you haven't noticed, and we don't ask for a dime.

We only ask that you share a smile with us.

Bring your friends, better yet, bring your enemies,

because they're all invited right here to have some fun in the madhouse.

We ask that you please take two instant frequencies.

That's right, your bat cave, your frequency right here,

because we will be returning live and bigger and better than ever.

Dare money go out there and bust a nut, come back here all sunny-fied and gloried.

It's going to be all awesome when he gets back.

You're going to shave that gnarly bush off his face.

You won't even know him.

He'll be a new man.

And we're going to really bust some nuts up when we get back.

So I want to thank all you guys for tuning in.

And please, keep your eye on the Madhouse because there's bigger and better things coming.

Maven, honey, thank you so much for tuning in.

Appreciate all of your support.

Memories, all of our other friends out there, we love you.

Leader of the Madhouse, the General Lucimo.

Palito, God bless you, my brother.

I love you, man, and I'm so happy for you.

And nothing but great wishes for you

And your future family

And I'm very sorry I'm not going to be able to join you

But as we discussed earlier

There are good things coming

I love you brother

Alright you love me

Every time you say that that just creeps me out

But I'm kidding

I love you too

I love you as well

Excuse me

But nobody loves you like me

Hi

I was thinking about shaving live on the show

like I was going to make it really weird

like make it so the mustache hangs down here

like my name is Earl kind of thing

I didn't get to it

yeah so I'm going to do my best

to make sure that the shoutcast station

stays up as long as I'm gone

I don't know how good

I mean this is a computer

down here down there

is the one that runs it

so I'll do my best to keep it up and running

if it goes down while I'm on the cruise

and I'm just sorry the station is going to go down

but I'll do the best I can via remote desktop

I'll stop to reboot it at least every once in a while when I get a chance to keep it kind of flowing there.

I'll try to update a podcast also before I leave with a few episodes there.

I tried to get a sub.

I tried to see if Jim Stewart would be interested in hosting the show while we were gone,

but he wasn't able to do so.

Todd, you're definitely welcome to.

I'll give you the instructions, but with your dial-up, it's not that easy for you to do, right?

You can try.

I'll definitely give you the information.

My dial-up just ain't going to do it.

Yeah, it's not going to cover it, yeah.

If it definitely wasn't for that, I'd have you.

You need to send me some of that information, dude,

because I told you before I would like to do that.

Right, right.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, well, I'll definitely send it to all you guys.

So, yeah, thank you, everybody, for listening tonight,

and thank you for all your well wishes for the honeymoon.

Don't worry about that shit I was talking about before with the money and the show and all that.

Don't worry about the whole thing I said about the money and the show.

I'm sure it will all work out.

We'll be here for another four or five years.

Don't worry about it.

I definitely would not quit before the four-year anniversary.

Let's just say that.

Yeah, so thanks to Lonesome Loser, again, for sending in numbers.

Thanks to Crazy Fucker for sharing with us.

Lonesome Loser can't lose once a week.

I mean, come on.

Yeah, it's got to be realistic.

Yeah, true.

And the guy from Chicago, so thank you.

That's it.

We is out of here.

Catch you all in a month.

CheckerMike.com.

Look at the blog.

All kinds of crazy stuff going on.

So check it out every once in a while.

Google.com is my website.

Anyone want to check that out, please?

Thank you.

Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you fucking team of shit!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (14, 54 min of 2 h 37 min)

Transcript

Comments 0