2009-06-18 Show

Right? I'm sorry.

Well, like, yeah, that's, yeah, would you please come to the store?

Why? Well, you're going to hurt me. You're going to threaten me. You're ready to threaten me.

No, I'm not. No, no, no. The police officer, he want to come here now.

What time?

No, I don't know. He can call me right now.

Oh, you want to call me back?

I don't want to deal with you, man. I'm really sorry. I don't know you, and you've been harassing me, saying bad words in Arabic, and that's, you know, I'm going to sue you.

Habibi, Habibi, Habibi, listen.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

Have you ever heard of anyone?

I am 100% here with the law.

Who the fuck is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Get ready to introduce the star of our show.

The young man you've all been waiting for.

Mr. Soul.

So what do you say let's all get together and welcome him to the stand with a great big hand.

Hooray for me.

me pay attention to me that's all i've had for the last three weeks and longer than that hey

everybody i is here carlito making the triumphant victorious return to the air madhouse radio here

now hope you all had a good time because i sure did wow madhouse radio is the uh television no

television show look at me it took me so long to start because i don't remember i don't remember

how to do stuff i don't i seriously said it was like what do i do next okay i think i do this one

I'm amazed I learned to password again here

I am

It's been so long

I was like alright

And then Seneca changed everything like twice

So I was like I don't know what I'm doing

Oh okay

I think I got it now

Yay

Alright

Look Ben's on his way

I just talked to him

He's on his way home from work

He'll be joining us ASAP

In the meantime I am here Carlita

Did he come into the studio there?

He's going to be

No

He's Mr. I don't show up to things like weddings

Oh

Of course, Tuck is here also.

How are you doing, Tuck?

How's it going on?

No, he's not.

He couldn't make it.

Oh, man.

Tuckermike.com is the website.

I'm fine.

I'm good.

I'm all right.

Yes.

Good to know.

All right.

Captain Asshole is good.

All right.

Also, here's Kokanee and Baz.

Together, they are Kokabazz.

Yo, yo, yo.

Good to meet you, man.

Yeah, you know, that's what I heard.

You guys miss me?

I saw Milkman did a show.

I actually listened to some of that.

Athena wasn't very happy that I was trying to, like, listen to Madhouse stuff during her honeymoon.

I was like, but Milkman's doing a show.

I want to hear the train wreck.

She's like, Carlos, come downstairs.

We're going to the bar.

I'm like, all right, fine.

But one more minute.

Oh, Carlos.

I know.

Carlos Alberto, regardless, you come down here right now.

She's learning already.

I'm telling you.

Oh, man.

But, man, we had.

We all did.

Plenty of that was going on.

Man, did I have fun?

A lot of stories to talk about.

Probably not many prank calls tonight because Lonesome Loser isn't around.

And honestly, I don't know if I remember how to use the phone.

Well, I'll try to do what I can.

No, Lonesome Loser, the light is darker.

I unplugged a lot of stuff.

And one of the things I unplugged was the light.

And I remember, what do you want?

Wait, hang on.

Athena has an official announcement to make.

Hang on, let me get this going.

What's your official announcement?

Our marriage has been officially recognized by who?

The Greek Orthodox Church, the Roman Catholic Church, and the state of Pennsylvania.

because you went to check the mail finally

so you got all three in

so it's official then

oh wow alright good

our mail got taken off a hole

anything else coming?

no way out now

that's it? no money? no cards?

it's all over huh?

that's cool yeah

thank you Athena for the update

no way out of it now

no way out now

I guess the marriage certificates finally came in the mail today

our mail got taken off a hole today

and she just went to the mailbox

Yeah, all right, cool.

It was a good time.

I had a lot of fun.

I wish a lot of you could have been there.

Thumbs up, Derek, all right, too.

Oh, man, so much stuff happened.

It was there with my friend Andy, you know, my good friend Andy, since high school.

And he used to do a co-host thing here on the show.

He was the best man.

Yes, yes.

He did a great job.

We went to Atlantic City together, and then we had the wedding thing.

I got to hang out with him quite a bit.

It was kind of cool.

I still have to email him.

I haven't emailed him since after the wedding.

yeah and then uh our wedding was on may 30th and then after that um well we were on our honeymoon

all the way up until uh we walked in the door yesterday yesterday morning i think we got here

by car no the day before that night before we got here uh via vehicle oh excuse me we went to

puerto rico for five six days we did a lot there and then we went on our cruise after that uh seven

ports a call one of the two of them got canceled due to swine flu apparently um when we got on our

crews and uh uh apparently two two three people two crew members and one guest had flu-like

symptoms and they were immediately you know quarantined and taken off the boat on our first

port of call uh but the governments of saint lucia and uh and antigua refused our entry into

the ports because of this they of course came back negative for swine flu they did not have

swine flu but they refused our ship to come into port barbados almost didn't let us on

It took a nice two hour delay in letting us come into port

So we ended up

It wasn't that bad

We ended up with an extra day at sea

And then we went to St. Thomas instead

In the Virgin Islands where we got really drunk

And that was kind of fun

I had much fun with that

A lot of congratulations coming in

I'm itchy, I'm sunburned

The lights are low so you can't really see

But I am god damn sunburned so bad

Did you find any guns?

No, no, I stayed away from it

There was a little of that going on in Atlantic City

But that was it

Nothing

I wasn't about to take that one

No, no

It was offered to me

In St. Thomas

I know where to get it in St. Thomas

It's easy to get there

It was offered to me

I declined

I said no, no thank you

I'm done with that part of my life man

It was fun

When it lasted

That's not me any longer

What else?

I got pictures

You want to see pictures folks?

We got pictures

You want to see them?

I got some pictures here

Let me get to that folder here real quick

Quick, if you're watching us in the Madhouse Live chat room on the website,

if you're watching the Mogulus stream, I guess it's called, I found out it's called live stream,

not Mogulus anymore, we just found that out today.

If you're watching there, you'll be able to see the pictures.

Of course, all our friends over at SyndicateRadio.tv get a chance to see this also.

Go to the right folder here.

I am Mogulus.

Mogulus is no more, now he's live streaming.

That was a cool name, Mogulus, not anymore.

No, I am always Mogulus.

I am always Mogulus.

All right, and the fucking thing is freezing up.

Great. Yay. Well, we'll get to it eventually.

I think maybe I'm doing it wrong.

Oh, here we go. All right. I've got to find it. I made a folder.

It's called Pictures, Wedding Pictures for Madhouse.

Here we go. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. All right.

Some of them are sideways. I mean, I understand.

And, of course, here's a picture.

I'm going to show you this. Here's Andy.

I've got to rotate this one, though.

This is Big Andy, former co-host. He's doing...

Well, there was drinking going on.

So, some of them are going to be sideways.

What I'm drinking here right now, this beer that I've got in my hand right now,

It's the first beer that I've had since the cruise.

I literally, we drank so much alcohol.

Whoa, look at me.

I'm sideways.

I drank so much alcohol that I have not touched a drop of it or anything since then.

It was, dude, eating, I think I gained about five or six pounds.

Literally, I could feel it on my waist.

Like, the pants that I was so proud that I dropped the pant size.

And, oh, wow, I went out and bought new jeans and pants and stuff.

Another title.

Another title may have ruined it.

That was fucking retarded.

Oh, dude, because you got on a cruise ship, dude.

All you do is eat.

That's all you do is fucking eat.

that's all they got for his food here eat this yeah well it was fun all right so anyway here's

uh let me run that that's andy giving the the speech at the uh at the beginning of the whole

oh not the at the reception right they get he did a really good speech um he invoked the uh the

godfather in it he had his very last line was may your first child be a masculine child to which

which Athena is not very happy about because she wants a feminine child, not a masculine child.

Here's another picture of Andy.

Oh, dear.

This is Andy also.

That's him on the trolley that we rented for the wedding party to take.

Thumbs up there, Carlito.

Yeah, man.

Hopefully I do get a masculine child, though.

Here's a cool picture before the wedding.

This is me and my father on the left, a friend of the family who's a Catholic priest on the right,

and then my uncle, Jose, all the way on the right.

He looked like a cop that day.

And we had a lot of fun.

A lot of my family from Puerto Rico flew up.

I was quite honored by that

I was very happy that so many of them were able to make it up

Let's see here

What else do I got

This is me and Andy waiting at the altar for the wedding

It seemed like it took forever for a theme to come out

And then

When she started coming down the aisle I freaked out

I was like oh no

I need more time I'm not ready yet

I was sitting there like what's taking so long

I can't do this

And I ran away no I couldn't do that

It would be like 30,000 Greeks there

To kill me

I think this is our first walk down the aisle.

Is that a Greek Orthodox church?

Greek Orthodox church, yes, yes.

That's our walk down the aisle.

We're officially married right here at this point.

That was our first walk as husband and wife.

That was pretty interesting.

Let me see.

I don't have a lot of pictures.

We still don't have our proofs back from the photographer that was there.

He did a great job, but he's taking his sweet time getting our pictures to us.

This is our first dance right here.

I look really nice that day.

I hate my nose, though, but this is from far away.

This is all from my cousin.

He was out there with his iPhone, snapping pictures, and he sent them to me via Facebook.

but thankfully it wasn't for that.

You guys wouldn't have any pictures at all.

These are old pictures of...

This is not from the wedding.

This is a picture of me and Zola together.

That's too big.

It won't come up.

Never mind.

That's from when he was in town a few weeks ago,

but that's not going to come up here.

How did you get somewhere a week ago?

Yeah, that was months ago, actually.

My bad.

That was at least like four or five months ago.

Here's a view in Puerto Rico during the honeymoon.

And it's too big.

This might be a problem.

Some of these pictures might be too big to show on here.

That would suck.

Let's see if this one works.

Nope.

Too big?

There's a picture of me with my Orlando Magic jersey in front of El Morro.

That's not going to come up.

You got to take it and, like, Photoshop and resize it.

Yeah, yeah.

Minicam, I guess, Minicam has a limit to the size of pictures.

So, fortunately, I don't think I'm going to be able to show many of these pictures.

Well, I'll put them online or something.

I think that's the extent of the pictures that I can show.

Even this really cool one that I wanted to show you, me smoking a cigar, I can't show.

Yeah, unfortunately, I don't know how big it was in the States, but I was watching it on the cruise ship for sure.

the unfortunate fall

of the magic.

We did win one game.

That was good.

I watched every game.

God damn it.

It didn't matter what...

Who should have won a game?

Well, we won our first

finals game in history,

in NBA history.

At least we finally won one.

At least we finally won

a final.

At least we didn't get

swept this time.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, man.

Is that what usually

happens with you guys

when you go to those things?

Whenever we go to the playoffs,

we get swept.

We lose 0-4.

At least we didn't win one,

motherfucker.

Yeah, but a lot of bullshit

that happened, you know.

The untouchable Kobe

Kobe, of course.

We went to two overtime games.

Yeah, I bought a Magic jersey right after the wedding to wear for the honeymoon.

And I got so many compliments.

I was walking around in Puerto Rico.

Funny story, I'm walking around Old San Juan in Puerto Rico.

I got my Dwight Howard jersey.

It was the day of game one of the finals, you know, Lakers versus Magic.

And I'm just chilling, got my Magic hat, my Magic jersey, walking down the street,

Old San Juan with my new wife.

And this old guy, this old Puerto Rican guy in a van, I hear him on the side of the street.

And all I hear is some guy yelling, white power.

I'm like, white power?

He's like, yeah, white power, white power.

I'm like, what?

White power?

And Athena's like, no, stupid.

He's saying Dwight Howard.

I'm like, oh, okay.

That's the weirdest thing you'd hear a Puerto Rican say in Puerto Rico of all places.

And I'm like, what?

Yeah, I was like, yeah, man, Dwight Power.

He's like, yeah, Dwight Howard.

I was like, all right, cool.

It was like the side.

It was like for the magic, but we lost that game.

We lost the game.

We won game two.

What game did we win?

Three.

We won game three in Orlando and then lost the next two, and it was over.

So anyway, our chances are good for next year.

Hopefully, we keep Hito Turkoglu.

Excuse me.

I think it was a huge mistake for us to bring Jameer Nelson back in into the finals.

It made no sense to me.

Andy agreed this while we were watching the series with Cleveland, which was an awesome series.

Go ahead.

What did you say, my friend?

How did Rashard Wallace do?

Rashard Lewis.

Rashard Lewis did well, actually.

I was quite happy with him.

Courtney Lee is amazing.

Yeah, he's one of my favorite ex-Sonics.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, Rashard Lewis did good.

But, yeah, Jameer Nelson, it just threw everything off.

Because you've got to remember, he got hurt in February, was it, I think, or something like that.

Broke his shoulder or something like that, his shoulder bone, his shoulder plexus.

And then he rushes himself to get healthy for the finals.

He didn't even play throughout the playoffs.

He started playing just for those finals.

And it threw the whole chemistry off, I think.

and he made a lot of stupid mistakes, and I think it would have been a lot better

had we just kept, you know, Rashard Lewis in there instead of Jameer Nelson.

Really, it was working out.

It was working out with him.

It worked out in the Cleveland series.

It worked out against the Celtics, you know, for the wedding and all that.

So I wasn't too happy about the whole thing.

Oh, yeah, dude, it was awesome.

The Magic went to the finals the day of the wedding.

The game before, which was on Thursday, I watched it and we lost,

and I was pretty upset because I was like, man, this means that I'm going to miss the game

that we go to the finals on.

because it's going to be my wedding night, but what I did was, you know,

we're at the reception, and Athena throws the bouquet, and that's my chance to run.

I took that one chance, and I ran upstairs, you know, I ran to the second floor,

I didn't take the elevator, I ran up the stairs in my tuxedo, and I went to the bar,

and I take a look, and I see that Rashard Lewis actually, as a matter of fact,

Rashard Lewis had a magic hat on that said, you know, NBA Finals, and I yelled,

I yelled, yes, we made it.

And I ran back downstairs to finish off the celebration.

So I was quite a great night.

I got married, and my team made it to the finals.

Yeah, so Athena's understanding like that.

It was so awesome.

She was really into the games, too.

I mean, here we are on our honeymoon on a cruise ship,

and she's yelling more than I am at the TV in the sports bar on the cruise ship.

Awesome cruise ship.

Had a great time.

The adventure of the seas in the Royal Caribbean.

That was pretty fun.

I would recommend it to anybody out there.

Take a cruise.

That's the way to vacation.

because when you vacation

on a cruise

you don't have to worry

about anything

you don't have to worry

about feeding yourself

you don't have to worry

about finding a restaurant

it's all inclusive

you can order room service

for free

exactly

they just pamper you

yeah

I was talking to a friend

that just wanted to go

and just vacate everything

brain everything

yeah

oh yeah

that's the way to do it

order something

and just like you know

yeah

that was my second cruise

all kinds of bud

and just you know

food

yeah

it was my second

it was my second cruise

Athena's first

and she i kept telling her thing there's nothing like you know when you go on a cruise it's so

much better than a regular vacation because it's all inclusive all taken care of for you and she

agreed now she agrees now she wants to go on another cruise like we're going to be there's

a group there's a a section of people out there in society who are cruiseaholics they they troll

these cruise forums and they go to cruises two or three times a year and they're all into it they

got their own lingo and uh then it's like we should totally become some of those one of those

that don't know about that um there's so much to talk about but it's just oh yeah hey speaking of

on the cruise ship since we did uh ports to call outside the united states guess what i bought

cuban cigars snuck them in illegally look at that that is a real h upman cigar from

from the republic of cuba the free republic of cuba right there oh yeah by the way check out

that ring hey look i got a ring now the red dot label on it uh well i had to take them off

unfortunately these are not cohibas by the way those are too expensive oh my god do you know how

how much Cohibas are now?

I went over there.

I was on Barbados

and I'm like,

yeah, let me get

a pack of Cohibas.

$110 for five.

I was like,

you've got to be kidding me.

$110 for five?

Yeah, so I bought

the H. Utmans.

They were a little cheaper.

Still damn good.

There you go.

So that's an authentic...

That's a Cuban.

Right, exactly.

Yeah, see?

There we go.

A whole bag of them

I snuck in.

Look at that.

These are American ones

on the front.

These are the ones

that I took with me

to Puerto Rico to smoke.

I had two left

and the rest are all

authentic Cubans.

I got about

How many do I got left

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

I'm saving one for Evil Artie

If he shows up

Before I smoke it

It's his

He's a big cigar fan

Now I hear

So Artie

If you make it in time

I got a Cuban cigar

Here for you

Is he?

Yeah he is

And actually

He's the favorite for me

I actually

If I ever visit you

Which I never will

No the rest are for me

And my co-workers

And then I also took

Off the packs

When it's official

Like on the packs of cigars

The ones from Cuba

Have this really

Antique looking

Sticker

That says you know

the Republic of Cuba, and it's all, it looks really antique, and it's like the official

stamp, you know, like, you know, this is, you know, you can only get this if it is coming

from Cuba, it's highly protected, I saved one for Evil Artie also, it's in my wallet

somewhere, so he can enjoy that, and I was trying to steal, there was this whole, on

the cruise ship, there was a, on the cigar lounge, yeah, you get the Cuban cigars at

where, I forgot, you told me where, I got them in Barbados, because any of those islands,

anywhere else other than the United States, you can buy Cuban cigars, you're just not,

You're not supposed to bring them back into the States, but most people, and I was telling people,

like, oh, how do you bring them back in?

I was like, just take the labels off.

Who cares?

Just take all the labels off.

You put it in your luggage.

No one's going to check anyway.

I probably could have gotten away with leaving the labels on.

Dutch masters.

Dutch masters, yeah.

Well, just trade them, yeah.

You could trade them or just buy a box of Dominican ones before you go on your cruise

and then get rid of all those and just stuff them in the box of the, stuff your Cubans

in the box of Dominican ones.

Quite interesting.

I haven't smoked a cigar here in a while.

Athena gets mad, but too bad.

It's a special night.

It's the last night.

I've got to go back.

Tomorrow's my first day of work again.

I've got to enjoy that.

Of course, this is just radio talk.

You didn't really...

This is just for the radio.

You didn't really speak in imported Cubans into the country.

Nope.

Theater of the mind, everybody.

Theater of the mind.

So, talk about something that's going on with your life.

Talk about your website or your comic book or your mucksticky lover.

All kinds of crazy stuff.

I went down to, speaking of Muskegee, I went down and saw him at the New Daisy Theater,

a big, crazy show down there.

That's crazy stuff that goes on there.

Where is that again?

Memphis, is it?

Is it in Memphis?

Yeah, it's Memphis.

It's the New Daisy Theater on Bill Street.

I met some gentlemen from Memphis on the cruise ship.

You have to go through Bill Street to get there.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

I met some gentlemen from Memphis on the cruise ship, and they were pretty cool.

and i told him i had no idea until i told you i got a friend i do a internet radio show and i have

a friend and he he lives in in the state and you know he's friends with uh he he does work with

this guy muck stickle yeah muck sticky we know that guy i was like yeah i was like i told him

you know yeah he's some of his art my friend's art you know one of my co-hosts his art was on

the show on the mtv show oh yeah you know and i was telling him i had no idea that memphis had

that kind of you know nightlife there like oh yeah you'd be surprised but then again people

don't think that about orlando that we don't they think we're all disney yeah i've got lots of

pictures on my blog if you go to the uh revolution blog there y'all can uh see all that stuff yep

yeah um i don't know if they sell this beer in the states but the the official beer in puerto

rico seems to be medalla m-e-d-a-l-l-a um i never drank it before and i'll tell you it's like corona

but really good it's like a good corona apparently i'm gonna try to look for here in the states but

But if you ever find that in your grocery freezer, if you ever find that in your liquor store, et cetera, wherever you go to buy alcohol, definitely pick it up.

M-E-D-A-L-L-A.

I was drinking that.

That was the only beer that I touched.

All I had to drink all honeymoon and cruise long was Medallia beer, the occasional Miller Lite, and other than that, what else was I having?

Gin and water.

All Athena had was vodka and cranberry.

No rum?

No rum.

Well, we did go to the Bacardi Distillery, as a matter of fact, and I did have some rum over there.

We did the tour of the Bacardi Distillery.

That was kind of cool.

There was a guy who looked and sounded just like Lawrence Fishburne doing the presentation there in the bar about the history of rum and the mojito and the Cuba Libre and all that.

Really trippy.

I swear to God, he looked just like Morpheus, you know, just like Lawrence Fishburne and sounded just like him, the way he had the weight.

You know, Lawrence Fishburne talks like this sometimes, and, you know, he was doing just like that.

I was like, oh, my God.

I told my cousin was there with me.

I was like, hey, Valerie, that's more for it.

She started laughing.

She was drinking something at the time, and she spit it up, I think.

It was pretty funny.

Yeah.

But, yeah, the Bacardi Distillery, I learned that that's a bunch of Cuban expatriate, you know,

cowards that ran from Cuba and ran to the Dominican Republic, ended up in Puerto Rico.

Not as impressive as I thought the tour in the Bacardi Distillery.

I don't get anything.

Guys smuggled shit somewhere else.

Yep.

They smuggled their business.

And I learned that they get everything, anything.

And I learned, like, with the Cuban cigars, like, you know, you have your Cohiba from Cuba, which is the original one.

What happened was a lot of these people would go to Cuba, and they would smuggle the seeds from the Cohiba plant or the Cohiba, you know, factory or whatever.

And they would smuggle them to the Dominican Republic, and then they created the Arthur Cohiba, the one you can sell in the States, you know, the non-Red Dot one.

uh so there's a big controversy as you know you shouldn't support these you know fake ones because

you're not the real legitimate one and they hurt the cuban economy and this and that i learned all

about that it was explained to me it's quite interesting um and i went to the rainforest we

went to the uh to the observatory in abisibo which is the hometown that i you know my family's from

we got you know i don't know if you ever see goldeneye you know goldeneye the big radio the

big dish at the end of goldeneye and it was in the movie species and was in the movie contact

Radio telescope

We went to that

I've been to that

A bunch of times

When I was a kid

But I got to take Athena

They actually

They fixed it up really nice

And they

I don't know if you remember

There was a Puerto Rican astronaut

The first astronaut

From Puerto Rico

He was there

The day before

He was giving a speech

And they had a whole

Thing out there

Commemorating him

It was quite interesting

Oh the day before

The day before

We went there that day

But I know

I missed that

We went to the

We went to these caves

In Puerto Rico

It was kind of fun

We went to the rainforest

I told you

We went to the beach

A few times

and just a lot of drinking.

New News reporting that there's a feminist convention

starting tomorrow, but they start early,

so he reckons that they will be arriving today.

Cool. Hey, give me the numbers.

So New News is going to work on getting numbers for us.

That's awesome. Thank you. Good to know.

Has Lonesome Loser been around?

Has anybody known?

Zolar, has he been around for your show at all?

Is he pulling an incognito again,

or is he just not expecting us to be on the air?

Maybe. I don't think he expected us to be back tonight.

Maybe that's what it was.

A lot of people weren't.

I caught people by surprise

By coming on tonight

And I could tell

By the number of listeners

I wasn't

Milkman was

And I called Milkman

Because Milkman was going on

I said what were you talking about

So you said hey come on

Eh it's you know

I might not do many prank calls

So it just kind of came on

To

I didn't know you were coming on

Yeah well here you go

Now we're on

LOL you Cubans

They take their boo seriously

LOL

Maven

Enjoying things

Hi Maven

How you doing

Sorry to let you know Maven

But I am taken now

I don't like

It took me a long time

To get used to this

and I keep like

messing with it

like keep taking it off

and putting it back on

it's just not

it just doesn't look right

it doesn't feel right

there's always something

there now

it's like having a tampon in

I don't like it

I keep telling Athena

you know

I'll do the tattoo

that's a little more permanent

more sexy

she's not having it

she wants me to wear the ring

she says if she has to

wear the ring

then I have to

alright fine

whatever

the dad checking in

hey the dad

how you doing

good to see the dad

out there hanging out

what's up buddy

gangrene says

that Cuban cigars suck

yeah speaking of remember i had that whole plan about banking out in blackjack that didn't pan

out very well i'll tell you what i did really good in atlantic city and i did get in san juan

on the blackjack tables but when it came to the cruise ship i got raped literally uh really bad

lost very i didn't lose i only i ended up down altogether 80 bucks um but i was up quite a bit

i went up uh in atlantic city in atlantic city i started out with 150 i took out 150 cash um i

I was down to my last $5, and I made it all the way up, and I was up $100,

and then I got down to my $150 again, and I said, all right, that's it.

Let me go, and then we went on with our bachelor thing.

Andy is like, oh, I can play blackjack.

He sits down next to me with $80, and he loses it like about 10 minutes.

He's like, oh, fuck this.

So he was like relegated to like standing behind me watching me play,

and I felt bad for him.

So as soon as I broke evening, I said, all right, we'll go, we'll go.

I don't want to make you stand around watching me win.

And he was pretty, he wasn't upset, but I felt bad for him losing so much money.

But, yeah, it was, you know, that was a casino experience.

Athena loves slot machines, I learned.

She is, she has, I'm afraid she might have a gamble problem.

I'm afraid she's a new gambler.

You know when you first get into gambling.

I almost love the slot machines.

Yeah, they do.

And she's playing nickel slots.

I'm like, that's no fun.

Where's the fun in that?

Nickel slots, penny slots.

Get out of here.

You got to be at least a quarter.

You got to play at least a quarter.

You got, you know, quarter slots are where it's at.

I saw slot machines

they're five bucks

a play

that was kind of crazy

I can't imagine that

there was a lady

who was winning

at the five dollar slot

and she was playing

not just one line

I think she was playing

like three or four lines

at a time

that's about

she was playing

about 15-20 bucks

per pull

and she was winning though

like she cashed out

the whole thing was like

meh meh meh meh meh

you knew the sound

there's nothing good

there's nothing better

than you hear that sound

in the casino

it just entices you

the sound of the chips

she knew what to do

that's what it is

I don't know

whatever man

but yeah

Yeah, that was crazy.

Those casino men, the casino and the cruise ship, they make all the money they spend feeding you and this and that

and giving you free this and free that.

They make their money in that casino, I'm pretty sure.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's no problems right there.

Oh, so this is on the casino.

I'm going to have to cruise.

Right, right.

So I did actually update one.

I updated the podcast while I was on a honeymoon with the April 30th episode.

we're still behind a month at this point

actually no, I think we're only behind two episodes

because we missed a whole month

I didn't make a synopsis

I edited it quickly on the plane

and uploaded it

and just said here you go

enjoy kids, halfway through

something to get you through

just to face it, Blackjack is more better to play

it is, it is fun

Blackjack is fun to play

I met a lot of people

of

what pissed me off the most

was I was playing

in the casino

the last time that I played

on the cruise ship

I was winning

all right i'm winning and there's this old jewish guy sitting to my left no offense to you but he

was sitting to my left and he tells me can i move over to your right you okay with that i'm like

right fine go ahead he moves to my right he starts winning i start losing so like he started getting

my cards you know he was getting hit in black jacks and blacks like motherfucker you know what

so i ended up just getting up and leaving because of him because of him that's bullshit you know why

do that why you know he saw that i was winning so he went up and sat to my right so he would

he was getting the hands that i was you know i was getting dealt before he was getting my cards

That's crap.

And the guy that was sitting to the other side of me is the guy.

You shouldn't have let him do that.

That's bullshit.

I was like, yeah, I'm just trying to be polite.

You know, we're on the same boat here, quite literally.

Still no milkman in the house.

My cigar's going to go out if I don't smoke it here.

Let me look for numbers.

Nunu sent one in.

To the honeymoon in Tennessee, a retinic guy answered.

All right, cool.

We can do that.

Tennessee to honeymoon.

There we go.

Honeymoon's over.

I've got to go back to work tomorrow.

I stretch the honeymoon out as long as I can.

hopefully i got a hopefully i got a job when i go to work tomorrow i haven't been there like

three and a half weeks four weeks almost at this point they're probably gonna be like uh

oh yeah that i know one person got fired i got that message someone sent me a text yeah by the

way so-and-so got fired i was like oh man really that's not good oh man all right my brother got

laid off yeah well at least he gets unemployment right hopefully hopefully that happened while

you were gone he's got unemployment yeah all right well here we go we're gonna call the

Honeymoon in Tennessee right back in a moment.

First prank of the night.

Thank you.

Well, sir, this is that place, the Honeymoon.

This is Pink Creek Garage.

Okay, you guys don't do the Honeymoons there anymore, right?

This is a garage.

Okay, that's fine.

Do you guys get stains out of cars when I leave it in the garage?

No.

Redneck asshole.

Returning to main menu.

Fucking ass.

You have two new messages.

I get a stain.

It's just not related where you go.

Belonging to.

Start funnel.

...and cannot accept new messages at this time.

To leave a callback number, press 5, or please try again later.

Thank you. This number will be sent to the pager. Bye.

The pager. That's still September 10th. Jesus.

I'm a pager.

I'm a doctor. I'm a pager.

I'm the doctor. I'm very important. I am a pager.

Oh, excuse me. I am a pager.

I must leave the table now.

Excuse me, I'm very important. I have a pager.

The guy in the garage has a pager.

Just a moment, folks.

I'm waiting for some more numbers here.

We can always go into the Lonesome Loser machine bank of numbers.

I should have tried to make touch with Lonesome Loser.

I should have touched his number.

And maybe he'd be here right now.

I'm trying to disorganize your back.

All right, so who can we call? Let's see.

I'm trying to think here. I'm trying to go to the bank.

For some reason, I don't see a lot of numbers here in the old bank of Lonesome Loser.

That's not good.

There we go.

Mountain Gay Lounge.

Mountain Gay.

yeah that was quite funny we're in one of those fucking islands where were we in i think it was

in saint martin martin whatever it's called or barbados barbados that's where it was they got

a rum called mount gay i'm like hey you want to go to the mount gay distilleries like fuck no i

don't want to go to mount gay i don't want to get aids what's wrong with you i am bisexual i'm

age rum no thank you sir thank you no thank you oh man craziness

Yeah, dude, already was fucking, I heard that

We listened, dude, you know, let me tell you something

One of the greatest things

That was brilliant, by the way

Oh my God, it was so awesome

Let me tell you what's awesome

On our trip, we drove off to Pennsylvania from Orlando

And we drove back down

We didn't fly off to Pennsylvania

We flew for our honeymoon, but we didn't drive off to the wedding venue

We made the 18 hour trip

And I'll tell you what

It is awesome

Awesome.

If I can give a shout-out to the people over at Sirius, radiosirius.com, S-I-R-I-U-S.com.

It is so goddamn awesome to have Sirius Radio in your car because you don't have to switch the channel.

You don't have to do anything like that.

You just sit in your car, man, and you just listen to the same channel all you want.

Dude, it was so awesome.

I'm telling you, I didn't even think about that.

And then we listen to Howard.

I think he's into Howard Stern now because for two days, that's what I would do.

We wake up, we get on the road, and we just listen to Howard.

Oh, do you have the real car?

No, no, we have my car.

We took my car.

We took the Madhouse, the new Madhouse mobile, the new Madhouse Mercedes,

the one that I bought recently that I leased, whatever you want to say.

But, oh, man, it was awesome.

And on the drive down, we were just jamming, listening to all the music stations,

listening to 80s music, and then went to the 90s and then 60s music and 70s.

And I got to listen to Wolf Blitzer on CNN.

And, oh, you know what sucks?

On the cruise ship, they only have a certain selection of channels.

They only have a light selection of channels you can watch on TV.

And they had CNN.

I was like, oh, right, CNN.

And it's CNN International, which sucks so much.

CNN International, it's like watching BBC.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, it sucks.

Oh, man.

It is BBC.

It is, basically.

It's just like everything's really white looking, and it was boring.

Like, it put me to sleep.

I was like, I don't want to watch this crap.

But at least they did show Wolf Blitzer at 6 p.m.,

and I was always happy to watch Wolf Blitzer

when it came on.

I felt like I was back at home.

I saw that some old man killed a bunch of people.

An old man shot people in some museum,

in the Holocaust Museum.

I saw that happen.

Wolf Blitzer, that old man killed people.

And apparently they're angry and I ran.

I ran so far away.

They couldn't get away.

People need to realize I'm on delay.

So if I'm going, ah,

it's from what you said a few seconds earlier.

Now when people

Someone killed people

Yeah exactly

That's true

Macabre

Tuck is very macabre

He's into the macabre everybody

What's the name of the restaurant

That I always have fun with

The Asian guy

Not the Asian guy

The Hindu guy

The last time we called him

He was like

Oh my god

Leave me alone

Call me again

That was on the episode

That I uploaded on the 30th

Oh what is this

The guy that I touched his number

What is that guy's number?

What is it called?

Funky Zone.

It's Funky Zone.

Is that the number guy?

No, no, no.

I don't know.

Funky Zone.

Here we go.

It's not long ago, man.

Seriously.

Let's give Funky Zone a call here.

Why not?

All right.

Funky Zone.

Where is Milkman?

Is he in here yet?

No.

Asshole Milkman.

Stupid Milkman.

He's always late.

Never here.

And he didn't show up to my wedding either.

Jerk off.

I might have made him.

I might have let him be the best man.

I might have kicked Andy out of that position.

But no.

He couldn't show up.

Could he?

No.

had fun regardless we talked i talked to him a lot i was always in touch with him i was always

touching his number so to say okay we're right back next prank all the night coming up funky

zone good friends of ours yeah it's funky zone you guys have a cohiba cohiba is there yes we do

have a cohiba red dots you have the red dots yeah you're not supposed to you're not supposed to have

the red dots though why because they're from cuba no those are from philly banking no no no no no

Listen, I just came back from a cruise, and I went to Barbados, and they explained the whole thing to me.

The red dots are from Cuba, and then the other ones are from the Dominican Republic.

And if you have the cigars that are from Cuba, you're going to get in trouble.

Now, I snuck some in.

You know what I did?

I took the bands off, and I put them in my luggage.

I didn't find them.

No, no, Habib.

No, Habib.

Hand me inside the Dominican Republic.

I'm not your love.

I got your phone number.

You know that?

What do you want?

I want you to admit.

You're from Dominican Republic.

You don't understand?

No, Red Dots are from Cuba, you bastard.

It's here, Red Dots, San Diego, LA, Republic, Dominica.

How is San Diego?

It's from Cleveland, King.

San Diego is not in...

Go, Taylor, and do you want me to show you an invoice?

Bring me your ID and come.

I'm going to report you to the naturalization, and they're going to take you away, Habibi.

Habibi?

Yeah, Olmec is right here.

Olmec is here with me right now, your mother.

Who?

Your mother, Olmec, right here.

Who is?

I'm going to call, I got your number.

I'm going to call right away.

Police?

Uh-huh.

You are harassing us.

I'm putting a report.

You have, you have illegal.

When I come in, I have everything legal 100%.

Oh, where are you?

Here, it's in the shelf.

Uh-huh, I have proof here that you have Cuban cigars there.

So, you try to sell me right now, you try to sell me illegal Cuban cigars.

I have a Cohiba Red Dog from...

From Cuba.

A Philippine King.

No, from Republic of Cuba.

I love that guy.

He's so awesome.

He's just an angry man.

Long live a free Cuba.

We'll call him back in a second.

Me?

Shut up.

We have two new messages.

So listen to your messages.

He's from Dominican Republic.

Habibi.

Habibi means my love.

Why is he calling me my love?

What is he, gay?

Don't tell him about that, too.

Who's he going to call?

He's got my number.

He's going to call somebody.

He's going to call Rosewood.

He's going to call the police.

The bullies.

Maybe he's like an Arab and they kiss each other and shit.

Oh, God.

Oh, let me tell you something that pissed me off.

No offense against the Greek people, but, you know, after the wedding, and there's a

recessional.

There we go.

In the church, okay?

After the wedding, we go to the back.

We go to the back of the church, whatever they call it, the narthex, the lobby, whatever

you want to call it.

and everybody's supposed to shake our hand my hand athena's hand give her a kiss and all this

stuff and i'm like i don't know if you guys know this but i'm very particular with germs i don't

like it you know my best man andy i gave him hand sanitizer and you hold on to this you know if i

tell you i need hand sanitizer because i don't want to get sick on my stupid honeymoon right

i don't want to get sick motherfucker i don't want to get sick these greek men have this habit

they don't just they don't just shake your hand okay they shake your hand they hold it and they

They get all, press their palms into your hand.

Then they give you a hug.

That's not the end of it.

Then they give you a kiss on your left-hand side of the cheek.

Then they go over to the right-hand side and give you another kiss.

They like to kiss on both sides.

They're into that, you know.

They're into that.

They're Mediterranean.

They're into that.

Guess what happened to me?

Two days later, guess what I got?

Sick.

Sick as an asshole on the first night of my honeymoon.

And it got into my fucking.

It got into, I was on top of things there.

And then, like, you know, the honeymoon night, the first day, you know, and me and Nathena, we go to a hot tub, you know, and we go to the pool.

And I get out of the pool.

My hair is wet.

And it was kind of cold in Pennsylvania.

It was like in the 60s, mid-60s that night.

And I'm like, I'm shivering.

I'm like, I'm not going to get sick.

And sure enough, the next morning I wake up sneezing.

I'm like, God, I'm taking airborne golden seal vitamin C out the ass, doing everything I can.

Sure enough, but before we fly to Puerto Rico, I'm sick.

And I'm thinking to myself

You know what's going to happen to me

They're going to refuse me to go to Puerto Rico

They're going to say

Your temperature is high

You've got swine flu

We need to check you for four hours

And stick this thermometer up your dick

Or something

So yeah sure enough

It put a big hamper

Then guess what happened

And then Athena gets it

Because the next

About two days later

As I'm getting over

I'm finally getting over

We're already in Puerto Rico

I'm sick for the first two days

Of the honeymoon there

And we go together to the rainforest

And what does it do in the rainforest

Naturally

It rains

We go on this hike in the rainforest

For his beautiful thing

But it did nothing but rain

Then Nathena gets sick

And I am sick

And Nathena's sick

And then

It's just

I did everything I can

I cleaned my hands

As much as I could

But these people

They don't

Why kiss so much?

And they don't just kiss you once

And want to do both

So what are they

Muslim or something?

I don't understand

I didn't ask for that

That's not the kind of relationship

I want

With a group of people

That kiss

Men

Kissing men

Asshole people

I'm going to call

Funky Zone back

I sort of consumed myself now that I've been living for 10 years out here on a farm,

and I went out to Memphis, and my friend would show me around,

and he didn't have a car, and it was all buses and trolleys,

and Woody Allen shit was starting running from my head.

They'd go down to the show, and, you know, it's a big hippie hug fest down there, too.

Phil Phil's reminding me of him.

I was out there doing everything, but, you know, it's kind of like, you know,

three days later

you start getting

that Woody Allen

shit in your head

yeah

Phil Phil's running me

the red dots

are the Dominican ones

and the Cuban ones

are the yellow band

I know that

I knew that

I was just saying that to him

I didn't get Cohiba's

they were too expensive man

I saw them there

but I'm telling you

they're like

110 for the Robustos

or something

I don't know what it was

I was like

you gotta be kidding me

fuck that

I mean yeah

it's the best cigar

that they say

and actually Cohiba

is not rated

you know my favorite

are Romeo and Julietas

those are my favorite

Dominican cigar

and they had

the Cuban version

was pretty good

i bought a pack of those i smoked those all on the cruise ship i resized one of these this is me

in the cigar lounge on the cruise ship right here smoking my cuban cigar uh enjoying that we actually

met uh a couple this and no offense i know the military and they're making a great sacrifice

but there was this couple they were also on their honeymoon the guy is in the army and the first

time we see them i'm in this i'm in the cigar shop it's the formal night which is you know this is

what i was wearing here you don't see my jacket but and i have a three-piece suit here i got a

nice looking vest and all that had my blue shirt blue shiny shirt blue shiny tie you know i got my

vest and my jacket somewhere in the background and uh you know in comes this guy in an army in

army clothes you know he's in like the formal army dress you know whatever they call him and he's

like yeah i'm in the army this and that and he gave us his old army story and i'm like all right

cool yeah you're in the army kick ass good people next night we see them he's in the army stuff

again the next night we see him army stuff again every night of the cruise ship every night he was

was in the damn army dress and it's like all right i mean he's it's you know you just like

the army huh you're looking for attention man yeah it's like come on or wear some flip-flops

or something for a change you know he's like and he's complaining like yeah i don't like it because

everyone keeps saluting me and they're civilians i'm not allowed to salute civilians but they keep

saluting me and i hate it when they ask me about the war and this and that i'm like well asshole

why do you go around dressed up like army man if you're gonna go around like gi joe don't don't

don't get pissed off when people say yo joe at you you know stupid stupid jerk he was a cool guy

though and and thank you very much whatever you know bartall was his name uh uh what was he a

sergeant i think it's lieutenant lieutenant bartall thank you for your sacrifice if you're listening

now i gave him the information for the website oh yeah and i wrote madhouse live.com in every

bathroom in the caribbean that i went to puerto rico barbado saint thomas saint cory everywhere

that i went right good so if you're listening to us for the first time here from some caribbean

nation thank you thank you for letting us thank you for letting me use your bathroom and not

turning us away because nobody had the swine flu smart smart people there uh wherever they let us

come what were you asking there sirs yeah they don't know what dot com is huh they don't have

internet i'm surprised they get cars over there baz you were saying something sir so that's where

i learned about madhouse live.com and toilet awesome that's where i learned about it too

That's where I got the idea

Yeah I was taking a shit

Really?

I was taking a shit

And I said you know what

This KDK might have something going on

Alrighty

We're calling Funky Zone again

And then we're going to call some feminists

Yay

I haven't seen Hong Kong Fooie in so long

Funky Zone may I help you?

Hey buddy how you doing?

Yeah who's this?

Yeah this is Valente

Look I want to apologize

I think you're right

The red dots are from Dominican Republic

It's the yellow ones

That are from Cuba right?

Well you know what

This now belongs to police

I just called them

That's okay

No but I just want to get

I want to let you know, I'm dropping, listen, listen, I'm dropping the case.

I'm dropping the case against you because you were right and I was wrong.

It's the yellow bands that are from Cuba, not the red dots, right?

Right?

I'm sorry.

Well, like, yeah, would you please come to the store?

Why?

Well, you're going to hurt me.

You're going to threaten me.

You're ready to threaten me.

No, I'm not.

No, no, no.

The police officer, he want to come here now.

What time?

No, I don't know.

He can call me right now.

Well, you want to call me back?

I don't want to deal with you, man.

I'm really sorry.

I don't know you

and you've been harassing me

saying bad words in Arabic

and that's

you know

I'm going to sue you

Habibi

listen

yeah

can I ask you a question

I never hurt anyone

I am 100% here with the law

and the police officer

love him

I have contact with everyone

wait a minute

so they're going to take care

with everything

Shiraz

listen

if you're guilty

you're going to plead guilty

shut up

listen

no no no

not guilty

guilty what are you going to do when i show up they're going to cut are you going to cut my hand

off with a sword is that what you're going to do no no no i'm not going to do anything i just called

police officer are you going to behead me in front of the town square in front of everybody

no thanks no no when you say you're with allah you're 100 i am trying to talk thank you very

much i i'm trying trying to talk to the guy man i don't understand so many questions about this

funky zone guy we gotta we gotta crack this nut at some point man you know i resize another

another picture. This is me with my Dwight Howard

jersey in front of El Morro in San

Juan. That's the big fort

in El Morro. That was a fort that was

built by the Spanish. And inside

of it, it's rumored

that there's

jewels buried underneath it

from Sir Francis Drake. And I think

there's actually some yellow dot

cohibas down there also.

Well, look at him.

I look good in that picture. I was already starting to gain some

weight there. I have big, fat arms.

Man, I gained so much weight. I ate so much food.

I've got to go on a big diet now.

Why don't you just stay fat?

I think I'll do that instead.

Oh, man.

Why can't I be friends with that guy?

He doesn't want to make friends with me.

Why?

Just be friends.

That's all I want.

I want to make friends.

What did he say?

I'm making cuss words in Arabic.

Do I have anything from Nostradamus?

Oh, yeah.

What did he say?

Sue me.

Oh, God.

No.

He know?

What's he going to do?

He's going to do the man calling,

sending stuff in Arabic to me.

I'm like, uh-huh.

So, do you think cops are going to defend him?

Do you know what you're saying?

Were you saying, cussing Ebrek more?

Couscous means your mother's cunt.

That's what I, no, no.

Couscous is cunt.

And I was saying Olmec, which is your mother.

So, I was saying your mother.

I thought couscous came with the chicken.

It does.

Couscous Olmec is your mother's cunt.

That's all I was saying to him.

Man, it's not a big deal.

Couscousomic.

It was a big deal.

Couscousomic.

And we got a request for Nostradumus here from Quackmaster.

Let me see.

I think I do have some Nostradumus.

Maybe I don't.

Nostradumus, right?

Let me see.

I'm sure I have that whole album here.

Is there a song I particularly want to hear?

I've got the whole album here.

I've got both albums here.

I think it was a double album.

I think there's another one coming out too soon.

Quackmaster, let me know which one you want to hear in particular.

Which of those calls?

Which of those songs?

We'll play the actual titular one.

There you go.

I think we just played the instrumental of this.

Anyway.

All right, Nunu.

We're calling it.

All right, folks.

We're going to call it.

We're calling Melody, everybody.

Stand by and listen to the rest of this Nastradumas.

Thank you.

How you doing?

This is Melody.

Yeah.

Melody, I had a message here.

I'm calling from the front desk.

We had a message.

Someone here wanted to meet you upstairs.

Is this correct?

Is someone coming correct or not?

Someone wants to meet me upstairs.

Do you know who?

I don't know. Someone by the name of Latifa? Latifa?

Yeah. Do you know who this is? Because I'm not going to let them come upstairs unless you give me authorization.

This is ridiculous.

Yeah, I'm going to... No, I'm not upstairs. I'm actually in the ballroom.

They're at the front desk?

They're at the front desk, but, you know, we've had some problem with unauthorized people here, you know,

doing stuff that they're not supposed to be doing.

So I'm not going to...

That's cool. I'm on my way to the front desk.

I'm not letting another one of these damn women come upstairs without permission.

mission so who is this this hi this is valente with the front desk what is your authorization

here i don't understand what's going on i got a lot of people tell me tell me i'm coming to the

front desk right now i'm on my way are you ovulating or something hello hello sir she's on

the way returning to me i don't know what the fuck i just did here's a picture of me jerk off my ass

the magic one that's me in the cruise ship that's the background that's on the deck and as you can

see i had some boogies in my nose too that's pretty bad look at those boogies huh that's

pretty sick that's not good i shouldn't do that oh man i just farted oh it smells good when i

fart anyway it smells real good looking for something i like the doom version of this but

to be honest with you i actually like the real version of this song

we're gonna take a break here real quick everybody when we come back more prank calls on deck

What time is it now?

11.42

I got to work tomorrow

You should be playing

Some Muck Sticky

You know you didn't

Send me any Muck Sticky

Did you?

Your horse's ass

If you sent it

I'd play it

Oh

Oh yeah

I forgot about that

I forgot about that one

Oh I'll do it next week

He's just like

Look man

Yeah you should be playing

You should be talking

About the Colts

Actually I didn't know

You were going to be on

He's going to be like

Yeah you should talk

About that news story

About that cat

I'm like what

What are you talking about

You know that cat

The one I was reading

Like Eden did you send me this story

No

Alright

Thank you

Thank you Milkman

Now seriously then

Send me Mucksticky

And give me an interview with him

I need

I have words for him

I have words for Mucksticky

Words

I'll

See what I can do on that

I have Arabic curses

For him

Habibi

Habibi's not bad

Habibi

When we come back

We got more calls to do

We got more feminists on deck

Alright

Probably also got another call

To the funky zone

and we're having fun with them.

Poncho's Video, Poncho's Restaurant,

Nobody Beats Mitch, a wholesale furniture place.

We've got the Tiger Mart in Wyoming.

We also have the Serpent's Kiss.

That one's in Santa Cruz, California.

Don't go anywhere, damn it.

All that and more when we come back.

Give me about five minutes, we'll be right back.

Thank you very much for listening.

This is Madhouse Radio, the return of Madhouse Radio.

It is still Thursday, June 18th,

11.43 p.m. Eastern Standard Time,

8.43 p.m. on the West Coast.

He's going to call when we come back,

since he's taking his sweet-ass time checking back in.

We'll be right back in a moment.

Thank you.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Point six.

The mail.

When you die, they put your GPS in your box

and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom,

you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever,

Make you who you are.

He's coming out, he's coming out, he's coming out, he's coming out, he's coming out, he's coming out.

It's there.

Fuck you, sick motherfucker.

Fuck you, you're so fucked up.

Apparently.

Fuck you, you're a blinker, pussy.

We're back.

Time to take it home because we've got to get to bed.

I listened to this album so much during the honeymoon.

I love this album.

Hey, everybody.

Get your prank.

We do have prank couple quests here that we need to get to.

We're from this one guy that we haven't seen in a while.

He used to make appearances every once in a while

Reverend Prana

I think that's his name

I think he sent one or two

Reverend Prana

That's what it is

Joe also sent in a request

Request a prank call

Ricky Fuckface

Very nice

27 years old

In Kentucky

Hello

We tried to have you prank this idiot

At work one time

Like a year ago

But we messed up

And gave you the wrong name

This is his cell

I don't know what you want to do with him

He's a fat dork

That works at 7-Eleven

And is obsessed with D&D

And Magic the Gathering

I think I remember that

you saying I'm obsessed with D&D and Magic the Gathering or is it somebody you're going to...

I know we did a prank call about...

It's just someone about Magic the Gathering.

We asked him about the deck colors and all this and he didn't really fall for it.

Oh, yeah.

He sent us the wrong number.

That's why.

That would do it.

Got us in the right number there, homeboy.

Nina says, we found a feminist in her room.

Call now for fuck's sake.

All right.

Woo-hoo.

Good for you.

We've got Kim.

Kim, say we got her number off a personals ad on Craigslist offering massages and happy endings.

All right.

Cool.

That's the kind of massages I like.

I like massages that have happy beginnings.

Her name's Kim.

I take it she's a hot little Korean girl.

Hot little number.

Or black.

There's nothing wrong with black girls giving massages with happy beginnings.

And Joe sent in a number for Eric, 29 years old in New York.

His friend Eric is funny as hell, but also sometimes really stupid.

Every time he goes to chill with him, his roommate, Nate, has asked him about who his gay fantasy would be.

Wow.

He has also mentioned to me that he would definitely have sex with the old manager from his job named Wendy,

who is 62 years old and wrinkly as fuck.

All right.

Nothing wrong with that.

All right, folks.

Let's get it on.

Right back, we will be.

We got a request for Metallica.

You know, I put a ban on Metallica here because of the fact that they banned me from Napster.

I think I should let that go.

That was back in 1999.

That's her, exactly.

I think it's time to let that go.

That was a big Metallica fan.

All right, fine.

I'll take away my ban from Metallica.

What's one of my favorite Metallica songs?

Yeah, really?

Yeah, that was like 10 years ago.

It was.

You tell me.

I got a whole bunch of Metallica songs.

It's true.

Sorrow.

Yeah.

All right.

I don't know that I have that.

Hang on.

Let's see.

We got Cyanide, The Day That Never Comes, The End of the Line,

Enter Sandman.

That's a good one.

The Memory Remains.

That was okay.

The Unforgiven.

Classic.

Nothing Else Matters.

I got like five versions of that.

That's my favorite Metallica song.

I think of all time, probably Nothing Else Matters.

Play that.

This is the right version of it.

Fade to Black.

I don't know if I have Fade to Black, even.

I don't have them all.

Like I said, I got upset at them, and I stopped downloading their music.

They wanted me to, didn't they?

All right, we'll play Nothing Else Matters.

We'll play some more after that.

Oh, One.

One's a good one.

Let's play One.

Fuck that.

One takes too long to start up, though.

I got to fast forward through it.

I called him really drunk during the honeymoon.

What up, Pete?

I don't know.

Kimmy's not answering her cell phone.

Goodbye.

You heard the girl.

I don't know.

I don't think that was Kim talking.

Okay.

Well, you heard him out there in the Disneyland.

Oh, man.

All right, let's...

You know what the deal is now?

Who's there?

The cook bugging us.

The call.

All right, Marion.

Confirmed by Nunu.

Marion is in her room right now.

Marion is one of those feminists at the convention.

Let's call her.

Oh, confirmed by Nunu.

Oh, I'll be doing.

The hotel operator will assist you.

Calling Sheraton Hotel and Sweepstakes.

Hello, Sheraton. How are you doing?

I'm fine. How are you?

I'm good. I need to speak to someone who should be checked in.

Is Mary in there?

What's the last thing? One moment.

Hurry up. You didn't ask if I could hold.

The call is unavailable. You may leave a private record.

You are being transferred and a hotel operator will assist you.

Thank you for calling the Sheraton Hotel and Sweepstakes.

I didn't say that you could transfer me.

I didn't ask for permission. You didn't get permission to put me on hold, sir.

Hello?

Someone dropped the phone on me and transferred me without asking permission for me to hold.

Okay, I'm sorry about that, sir.

Who was that? I need names, please. I want names and badge numbers immediately.

Dad, I don't know who you spoke to.

Can you ask who? How many people answered the phone there?

There's quite a few different people that answered the phone.

It was a woman who wasn't you.

That might have been Laverne.

Laverne? Can you put her on the phone, please?

She's actually already left for the night.

No, it was just now, though. When did she clock out?

out um she's actually leaving right now can you say can you ask her if it was me at least please

if it was her can you ask her um she's actually walking to the back of the yellow her yellow her

real quick no no no put me on you i'll give you permission to put me a hole in you to ask her

immediately if it was her she's on her way to the back i have no way of well you're wasting time

here woman just put me on hold and ask if it was her jesus sheraton you don't just stay here you

You belong.

We belong.

We belong together.

We belong.

Rates are always on Sheraton.com.

But if you happen to see a better rate somewhere else, we'll match it

and give you an extra 10% discount or 2,000 star points.

Hey, you get star points.

All right.

Thank you for calling Sheraton.

You don't just stay here.

You belong.

We belong.

Hold on and we'll be right with you.

We get points.

Golden star points.

Nunu commands us to stop.

Well, they get a lot of people answering the phone there, stupid.

We'd like you to be part of our Starwood Preferred Guest Community

if you're not already a member.

You can earn Star Points for all your stays

and participate in shares in hotels

and redeem them for great rewards

and free night over 800 hotels and resorts

that are part of the program around the world.

This is bullshit putting me on hold for so long.

Hello, sir. Let me transfer you to my manager.

No, I didn't ask for you to do that.

I asked you to get me answers.

Good morning, Frontex.

Listen, sir, I'm asking for answers

and your women that are working there are refusing to give me answers to my questions

and are transferring me without permission.

Transferring you to where?

To other extensions and other women there,

and I've asked from the beginning that I don't work with women,

that I'm not allowed to because I'm married now.

I'm only allowed to speak to men.

And this woman put me through to a phone number.

It was just a voicemail, and I asked the other woman who just transferred me over here.

Well, sir, I'm sorry, but we do have women working here.

Wait a minute. I'm not done explaining the situation.

I'm not done.

Well, sir, you're going to have to.

I'm not done explaining the situation and your mistakes,

and I hope you're writing all this down because there's going to be a quiz at the end of this call.

I'm not writing anything down at this point.

It's because you're a bad manager, you're a bad worker, and you have no control over there, do you?

No, because this is a society where we accept women,

and if you can't speak to women, then you can't speak to people.

It's my wife that has a problem.

I don't have a problem talking to women.

I talk to women all night.

Well, then you need to learn that you can speak to the women here,

and they can answer your questions.

Well, then explain to me why they're refusing to follow orders.

Because you told them that you didn't want to speak to women,

so they were trying to transfer you somewhere else.

I said, you keep interrupting me, you stupid.

I said, shut up.

Shut up.

I needed to speak to Marion, and they transferred me to the wrong extension.

Marion who?

I came back, and I said that I needed answers why they transferred me to the wrong extension,

and they gave me the runaround.

Typical women, giving me the runaround.

Then I said, I want...

I'm not going to have you sitting here and talking about women like that.

Well, you know how it is.

You know, things roll out better before they come out.

So you're just being ridiculous.

Goodbye now.

Bye.

Fucking let me talk, asshole.

What an asshole guy.

I don't care if I don't talk to him ever again, Noon.

I'll never stay there.

No one ever go to the Sheraton.

We don't belong.

Look at this picture I'm showing now.

It's my Tupac look.

Hope you like it.

By the way, there's star points.

There's stars on gold.

They're more of a brassy color.

This guy's the feminist leader, quack leader.

Quack master, so that's a good point.

Oh, man, I do not want to go back to work tomorrow.

Is that the real Yuko in the syndicate room?

That'd be cool.

I saw the Howard on demand

The Howard TV segment where you came in

And had it out with Artie

Not bad

Good stuff man

Good luck with your book

Is it a book not a CD

I'm going to download that tonight

Let's see if I can find it and download it for free

So I don't have to pay for it

But if I like it I'll throw you some change

But I want to hear it first

You're going to pirate his CD

I'm going to

Yeah everybody don't worry

If you haven't heard Yoko's CD yet

I'm going to be downloading it tonight

And I'll make it available on my website

MadhouseLive.com forward slash Yoko

Forward slash Yoko

Go to madhouselive.com forward slash Yukko.

You can do that either Y-U-C-K-O or Y-U-K-K-O.

You'll find it.

I'll link it both ways.

And you can download it for free.

And if you like it, then maybe send Yukko a dollar.

That's how it should be done.

Just a dollar?

Just a dollar.

Metallica should have learned it.

They made the same mistake.

All against it.

Yeah, I got banned from that trick too because of them.

Yeah, you did?

I don't know.

Then Dr. Dre banned some people.

Well, send Yukko more than a dollar.

And my gosh

The guy's standing

Out on his thing

And his wife

Left him

And

My wife left me

Wish she did

I wish she would

Wish a motherfucker would

Walking out

Into the other room

Does that count

She went to sleep

I'll be right back

With another prank call

Just a moment folks

Who it is I don't know

Let's call a random number

Maybe it has a wife

That's a fucking wife

Another woman

That would go something like

You know

Like this

Alright anyway

Anyway, let's call Milkman.

Let's get him on the line.

Where's he been, huh?

Remember I told you guys he probably wouldn't show up, that he'd be late with excuses like all these?

Mr. Excuse himself.

Mr. Third Quarter Excuse.

Let's call Milkman.

Once upon a time at the foot of a great mountain, there was a town where the people known as happy folk lived.

What's your excuse?

Why aren't you in the chat room?

What's going on?

Dude, I'm not home yet, man.

You've been calling me all day.

I called you for two days to find out we're going to do a show.

Shut that thing up.

You said 30 minutes and you're still on the road.

You said 30 minutes when I called you at the beginning of the show, and you're still not there.

Right, dude, because, like, the traffic is not good.

I was cleared of concrete, man.

Why didn't you just tell me you were going to be two hours?

I didn't think it was going to take half.

I didn't think it was going to take...

Wait, you hear that?

It's a bullshit alarm.

You missed the best madhouse ever, man.

We talked to Cheech Marine.

He called in.

And then Tommy Chong called in also.

You missed him.

We pranked called George Takei.

And we pranked called Eric Estrada.

Gee, thanks, assholes.

Why didn't you, like, you know, like, come here and at least message me?

You can even say, yo, we're doing a show.

I'm kidding.

We haven't prank called any of those people or talked to any of them.

We talked about the honeymoon and the wedding and how you didn't show up again.

And we did a few prank calls.

It's been fun.

It's been emotional.

We're wrapping it up.

I want to check with you.

How long are you going to be, man?

I'm almost home now.

I'm about.

You've got the swine flu is what it is.

Quarantine him, everybody.

I've got two more inches.

Where am I driving?

I'm 30 minutes.

I've got to go.

Clear across the button.

Oh, man.

That's my song.

Milkman is here.

We're going to have to wait until next week, you know?

It doesn't matter.

What if I would have told you we were going to do a show?

What was going to happen?

You're going to be late anyway, right?

I wouldn't have went, bitch.

No, you got ignored, you man-man.

Shit.

You ignored me when I needed you.

Stuck me.

That's how the hell this fucking ball and chain works, man.

All of a sudden, Madhouse got to take a back seat now.

It does.

It does, god damn it.

I'm going to tell the mass you're nuts for this little stuff, boy.

I got a little bit of fucking to do.

No, seriously, I've got to get going.

I've got to work tomorrow.

It's a big day for me tomorrow.

It's my big day back at work.

It's the day that all the stress comes back to me again,

and I hate life again.

Who else is in the chat room?

Maven's in there.

She's asking about you.

She says she's single now.

She's looking forward to maybe chatting with you,

but I guess you're going to miss out.

I'll remember that.

I'll be in about 10 minutes.

I'm moving in on Maven myself.

Nope, nope.

Too late, Milkman.

It's over.

Yeah, dude, because, like, man, I have been, like, putting in 100-plus hours a week.

You ain't going to believe this check I'm going to be rolling.

Oh, yeah.

Can't wait for that.

I did a 23-hour day.

Three hours later, after I got off of that one, I did a 27-hour day.

Uh-huh.

I got, like, 40, let's see, 40-plus hours of double time, baby!

I don't believe it.

Yeah!

All right, we got a number here for first-call escorts.

You want to stand in line?

All right, this is from Testio.

Testio.

Okay!

Hey, what kind of testicles that guy's down there?

I'm in South America, man.

He's one of our cool new listeners.

All right.

South America.

Good people there.

All right.

Yeah.

Hey, Ecuador.

Ecuador.

Equator.

All right.

Don't go anywhere.

In time, strange folk found their way into the higher reaches of the mountain.

It was there that they found a cave of unimaginable.

Now, who's this guy talking over there?

By chance.

Oh, that's your mom.

The place where good souls come to.

Strange folk.

They coveted the jewels in these caves above all things.

And soon they began to mine the mountain.

It's rich scene.

It's not my mountain.

The chaos of their own world.

Meanwhile, down in the town, the happy folks slept restlessly.

Their dreams invaded by shadowy figures digging away at their souls.

Every day, people would wait there at the mountain.

Why was it brought to us into their lives?

I'm a monkey god.

I'm a fucking Skinamax milkman.

Can I help you?

Yes, hi.

I was watching Skinny Max, and I thought I'd give a call, see if I could find an escort.

Sure, it's 150 for a half hour, 220 for the hour.

Where are you located?

Well, I was in my hotel room, but I'd be willing to meet anywhere.

What kind of deal have you guys got going if we meet in person?

No, we only do out-call, sweetheart.

Okay.

We only hook up to your apartment, house, or hotel.

I like how you call me sweetheart.

That's nice.

You have a nice accent.

Okay, so do you want to hook up?

Uh-huh.

Is it me and you, or do you have any black girls?

No, honey.

Where are you located?

whites only

hello

I'm in Seattle

you guys are in Seattle right

returning to main menu

you have two new messages

to listen to your messages

press one

to play phone

press two

for gook 411

press three

or to change your settings

press four

and as the strange folk

climbed deeper and deeper

into the mountain

holes began to appear

bringing with them

a cold and bitter wind

that chilled the very soul

of the mountain

first time

the happy folk

felt the heat

I'd be like, you're 20 every night.

I ruined that one.

It would have been awesome had they been able to call back, but, you know, whatever.

I screwed it up.

Sorry, you know, I haven't been away with the ladies of screwing things up.

Nunu is having a conniption with you getting angry with the front desk.

That's what I always do.

I always end up getting angry with the front desk at these conventions.

And he was calling me a wanker, a pillock, and other British slang.

Milkman, can you believe it?

No way.

Not Nunu.

Not a resident to a red-tinted...

All right, cool.

cool. Um, we got a number here for Max. This one came in from who? From Prona. A Buddhist

that takes trips to sail, watched a good friend get his face fractured on the street, then

wouldn't testify in court because he had a skiing trip to go to. Wouldn't ask. Said he

forgot what he saw. Oh, wait, I got a better one. A total faker piece of shit that thinks

he's a ladies' man, but I think he kind of likes Speedo sandwiches. What? I don't know.

So you like Speedo sandwiches, Milkman. Remember that? Remember we had a Speedo sandwich once?

Speedo?

Yeah, yeah, Speedo sandwich.

Banana hammock sandwich.

All right.

Hey, hey.

Let's go to the beach and want sandwiches.

Athena, it's a funny thing.

Athena asked me how you say beach in Spanish,

and I said, well, you add O to everything most of the time in Spanish.

You did it.

I love this.

You got to tell her to say it on the air.

Oh, we went to the...

Oh, she asked for where the bicho was.

She asked somebody.

No, she didn't.

We were saying it would be a funny joke to do to a friend of ours to ask him.

Yeah, where's the bicho?

Oh, where's the cock?

They'll probably point him in the direction of the nearest gay bar.

Here's another escort service in Seattle, Washington.

They got a one-star rating.

Whoa.

That doesn't sound too...

Damn, man.

All right, cool.

Let's do it.

It's our kind of place right there.

Yeah, I bet it is.

Legro's there.

From its deep sleep, there came a sound.

Distant furrows...

I can't believe how the...

We mentioned Legro the thrower.

...so immense that it could be heard far away in space.

There were no screams.

There was no time.

The mountain-cold monkey had spoken.

There was only fire

And then

Nothing

Leave your name

And your number

And

Fuck

No wonder she's got a one star

No wonder

No fucking wonder

Alright let's do one of these

Prank couple quests here we go

Lone star rating

What

The lone star rating

What's up at Syndica

Syndica if you got someone

Who needs to go on

Chuck said he couldn't go on tonight

But if someone else wants to go on

I know I'm killing things

Let me know

Hi

You know what I mean

Hey hey

Look at Ricktoons

Fagging it up

Awesome

What's this

Reverend Pronus, and then a number, as I said before, we're going to call that.

This is for Ricky, who's obsessed with Magic the Gathering and Dungeons & Dragons.

Just a moment, please.

This call goes out to Ricky.

Hey, this is Ricky.

Ricky, what's up?

Hey, I got your name out of a fishbowl here.

We're doing a Magic the Gathering event Friday, tomorrow.

Are you available?

Yeah.

All right.

It's going to be for money.

What we're doing is we're going to be giving away three expansion decks.

Anybody who wins.

Are you registered at all with Wizards?

Yeah, I got DCI.

Alright, cool, cool. What kind of deck you play, man?

I play, um, I can't say, um, Bant.

I play, um, it's kind of an ag, I mean, it's just kind of a Bant deck.

It's pretty good, it's getting better.

Yeah? Yeah, most of you like white decks?

I mean, my favorite color is blue.

Yeah?

Yeah, blue, green, white.

Yeah, I got a Pestilence deck and I mix it with my red Fire deck.

You ever play the Pestilence?

Like, back in the day.

Yeah, Pestilence, man. I played it once and I won.

I won a pink Cadillac once playing it.

We're giving away a...

There's a chance to win a...

ESPN 2 is going to have a tournament in two weeks.

They're going to do a reality show race on Magic the Gathering.

What's going on?

The people who show good tomorrow night are going to be in a contention for an audition.

They're picking ten of them.

Ten of them are going to go to the actual show.

It's going to be a Magic the Gathering.

You got something on in the background there, son?

Hold on.

Please.

All right.

Right. Would you be interested? Do you think you work at all, or what do you do?

I mean, I have the next three days off.

No, but do you work, I mean?

Yeah, I work.

You think you get three weeks off if we put you on the show?

I mean, where is this out of? I mean, this is a number. I mean, this is my cell phone number.

How does it not get out of my sleeve?

Well, someone could probably register you through your other tournament playing.

Have you played a lot in tournaments at all or anything?

I haven't.

Yeah, so we probably got you a friendship from there. That's fine. I'm with Wizards of the Coast, man.

So what we're going to do, we're going to have you come down to the game tomorrow.

Where do you play at normally?

I mean, I play in my small little city in Kentucky.

Yeah, but I know, but what shop do you usually go to?

Collector's Mall.

Yeah, exactly.

Hang on, let me pull him up here.

In Kentucky, right?

Collector's Mall?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, tomorrow night at 8 p.m. they're going to have this.

We're going to have a brand-new expansion.

It's not even talked about.

If you happen to win or if you come in second or third place,

what's going to happen?

when you get in contention, and two out of the three,

so if you're third or second or first place,

you've got a 60% chance of being on the show,

as long as you're cool, you know,

you're not going to bring any baggage with you,

anything like that, you've got any problems?

No.

Acne?

Nothing like that?

No, I'm not joking around, seriously.

I mean, but what's going to happen is three weeks

we're going to fly you out to Studio City,

and it's going to be a Magic the Gathering reality show.

All right, so, well, we need to get some details here

from you first.

I need you to write down my number here.

I'm going to give you my toll-free line and extension.

All right.

The studio here, it's 888-278-8509.

Would you repeat that?

888-278-8509.

Right.

If you've got to get a home and when you get through to the switchboard,

you let the lady know.

Usually it's probably Clarissa.

You let her know that you need to speak to Valente.

I'm at extension 8462.

8462.

Right. I'd give you my direct line, but I don't know where I'm going to be tomorrow.

But, well, we need you to go to the shop tomorrow and bring all your, basically bring all your cards that you have.

We want to see your collection.

And try to come a little dressed up because we're going to have cameras there and we're probably going to do like a quick interview.

Myself and probably one of the other ladies is going to just ask you some questions on camera, take some shots.

Do you have any pictures of yourself you can bring also?

Like any, I don't know, glamour shots, anything like that?

No, not really.

That's fine. I was just wondering.

Are you in a union at all?

You're not in a union of any sort, are you?

A unit.

Union, union.

Are you in a union?

No, no, no, no.

Okay, good, because then we can't hire you.

And are you able to provide documentation that you're able to work in the United States?

Yeah.

Okay, we need to have this on file.

All right, so are you able to bring your cards with you, all of them?

Is it a lot?

I can bring, yeah, I can pretty much take care of that.

All right.

It's not a problem.

Do they normally have tourneys on Friday there?

It's F&M.

Yeah, it's every Friday.

All right, so when you go there, just make sure that you ask for Valencia.

I mean, I don't know who runs the show there, but let them know.

We're going to be there probably later.

We're going to try to get there.

We're going to another shop, but we're going to be there.

Just bring all your cards with you.

Like I said, try to dress up.

You don't have to wear a tie or anything like that.

It would be a nice pair of, do you have khakis or anything like that?

Yes.

Khakis, do you have like a polo shirt?

Yes.

All right, come dress a little nicely.

We'll come down and we'll speak with you.

I've got to tell you, there's only four people in contention.

I got you down as one.

And as long as you seem like you've got a decent handle of the game,

then more than likely we're probably going to pick you up.

But how hard would it be for you to get the time off?

Probably, it all depends.

I mean, it probably wouldn't be a problem.

We'll give you a per diem.

The per diem comes out to about $500 a week,

and all of the food is taken care of.

You're catered.

Transportation is taken care of.

We take care of your plane flights.

You don't have to worry about paying rent or anything like that.

You're all going to be in a house together.

over it. I don't know if you ever watch the real world

and stuff like that. It's going to kind of be like that.

It's going to be six women and six men.

Do you have any obligations as far as

religion? Do you have to go to church any day? Because more

than likely you're not going to be able to go. No, I'm not

connected to any kind of religion.

Nothing like that. Do you have any kind of food

requirements at all? Not really.

Do you have any allergies to foods?

Anything like that? Not really.

Do you follow kosher or anything?

You can eat anything? You're good with that? No.

Alright, so tomorrow

at the Collector's Mall, like I said, bring all your

your cards with you um just dress nicely and uh we'll be there and we'll definitely we're going

to do some screenshots with you might have you do some poses and just do some quick information

and then might have you on camera just explain you're probably going to say i'm ricky and i'm

from kentucky or whatever what city are you in owensboro all right you're gonna say you know

ricky owensboro on the apartment i have you walk around i'll have a camera and you'll talk to the

camera and all that maybe talk about your family or your mom or is there anything like is your mom

Momsick or anything, or you've got a brother that you can mention?

Yeah, I have family I can mention, I guess.

All right, cool, cool.

Anything else you'd like going to, you like high school, are you in high school still?

No, I'm 28 years old.

All right, good, yeah, because you can't be, you have to be at least 19.

Okay.

Okay, so try to bring, you know, at least bring your IED, like I said,

because you might have to fill out the I-9 and all that if we hire you.

But can you call work tomorrow to let them know, hey, by the way,

it might be from July 4th, writing this down.

Yeah, I'm writing it down.

July 4th to July 28th.

It's two weeks where you'll be in the house.

Uh-huh.

And if you make it to the finals, then what we'll do, you'll come back home,

and you're going to be under secrecy.

You can't tell anybody how you did or anything like that.

And then we'll fly you out for the live finale.

It's going to be live.

Okay.

It's going to be on Spike Network, okay, and also on ESPN.

Ready.

All right, so if for some reason anything happens tomorrow, you give me a call.

You ask for myself or Mr. Zolar, okay?

Okay.

My name is Valente.

You got that?

V-A-L-E-N-T-E.

Valente.

Or Mr. Zolar.

He's my boss.

His last name is Z-O-L-A-R.

Z-O-L-A-R.

And that's Mr. Zolar.

So either of us, you can call us.

Like I said, can you hold on to that?

If you don't get through to me, someone will get you through to Mr. Zolar.

We'll make sure everything works out.

But we look forward to working with you, Ricky.

You come, you know, I don't know if you've done really good or not, but I don't know.

You came highly recommended.

Okay.

All right.

You excited?

A little, yeah.

All right, brother.

brother. Don't worry about it too much. Try to get some sleep.

We'll see you tomorrow. Get some rest. You're going to need it, brother.

You're going to be a star. All right. See you, man.

All right, man.

Hello? Hello?

I almost hung up on you in an accident.

That guy's going to show up for no reason.

He's going to show up all dressed up

to his magic The Gathering thing tomorrow.

I'm going to tell him, what the hell are you talking about?

I'm sorry. You need the Teenspeak coordinates.

I don't know what they are offhand.

Oh, shit, dude. Come on, man.

This is my re-install.

Oh, let me hang up and get it for you.

I'll play a song while I do that, okay?

Okay?

All right, man.

Hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back.

Hang on, Milkman.

I'll call you.

Milkman will be back.

He's going to show up at the car shop tomorrow with all his magic cars dressed up.

Talk it over.

Yeah, they told me they're going to have me in the TV show.

Joke's on you, kid.

We're back.

That wasn't funny as shit.

Nothing's nice.

Dobby, what are you doing, man?

My cats are going in places.

Hey, hey, get out of there.

You know what always scares the cat when I whistle?

Get out of there.

He's hanging up behind the computer.

He's going to fry himself.

yourself i'll be a bad boy cat all right hang on let's get your mic on milkman we're about to wrap

it up one more prank call if i can find one find a number to do here i have international numbers

here i have international minutes i have international minutes uh nunu if you have an

international number we can call those in action nunu recommends that someone else said that for

who it was to call the feminists and tell them we're running i'm running for president of now

and ask if i can count on their support um and accuse them of being sexist if they say no

because i'm a man true that good idea motherfucker all right well i don't know who to ask for we can

ask for latifa okay let's do it stand by we're calling the feminist one more time i couldn't

get the feminist to go through for some reason no one's answering at that hotel and i tried to

call that number to ecuador that uh testio sentiment that's 12 cents a minute that's a

little rich for my blood my friend i don't think i'm going to be calling them no no i don't think

i'm going to be doing that sorry man well there it is i think the show's over i'm tired and i gotta

Are you going to work tomorrow?

Oh.

I know.

No, man, but you're so slow.

Oh, man.

Do I have to get into this again?

Man.

All right.

Oh, that's right.

That's right.

This is one of the best beats, motherfucker.

Reverend Prana is reminding me that we had the one call that we did an accident was that

we had him call the Star Trek guy.

We told him we're going to use one of his scripts.

He realized it was a lie after he Googled the toll-free line.

He Googled the toll-free line, the 8882.

That sucks, really.

Yeah, we got caught like that once, too.

I told someone, yeah, give me a call back at 888-278-8509.

She's like, okay, I will.

And then she Googled the number first, and she saw it came up as, yeah,

it comes up as 98.6 The Mouth.

That is the only, yeah.

Oh, look at that.

It comes up as a Whois record, 98.6 The Mouth.

That sucks.

Yeah, that sucks.

That sucks.

Look at that.

Yeah, work on that.

Yeah, I've got to fix that.

It comes up as a registrar's map.

That's our station also on Moodyo, too, moodyo.fm.

Moodyo, yeah, is it?

That's awesome.

Awesome. Moody is fun. I like that site.

98.6 the mouth.

Awesome. Someone was requesting this drop, so here we go.

What's that, Moody?

It's like for listening on your phone, right, Milkman?

Isn't that what it is, Moody? On your BlackBerry?

Yeah, you can listen on G-Phone, iPhone, any type of phone that will play audio streams.

Very cool.

X-Phone.

It's free.

Yeah, the new X-Phone.

It's got hundreds and hundreds of streams, cop scanners, everything.

me awesome awesome all right mick man could you take us out of here please so we can call it a

night that's right where are we going we're going i'm going home i gotta go to sleep i gotta work

tomorrow unlike you oh hell yeah no if you were here you would know you would be paying attention

yeah that's right yeah i have been asking all day actually for two days tough you don't even know

i've been messaging this beach oh fucker and he won't even answer me and i didn't even know

Oh, we don't want a show.

And guess what?

No answer.

Well, guess what?

We were doing one.

You should have known.

I didn't even know it was coming on.

Hey, Josh, motherfucker!

You know what's funny, Milkman?

The guy, Prona, this guy, Reverend Prona, is telling me that guy,

I remember this guy.

I talked to him for a long time, and I told him, yeah, it was Jack Valente.

He's like, are you related to the other Jack Valente?

until he was like, oh, I'm sorry, your dad died.

And I was like, yeah, whatever.

He was bragging for days that he was planning to fly to L.A.

He was bragging for days that we were going to pick up a script

for the new Star Trek movie.

And he ended up figuring it out when he couldn't get through.

He Googled the number and figured out, oh, it's a radio show.

That's crazy.

Well, Milkman, give the shout-outs.

I'm going to shut the show off without your shout-outs.

Oh, hell, you bitch.

You're a punk, man.

You're a punk.

We need to do an extra 15 minutes man

Nope

We need no

Alright I want to thank everybody for listening

You know our people have been waiting

Our people have been waiting for a month and a half

I even did a show

And now you're going to chintz out now

It's the last minute

That's what you want to call it a show

Oh my god

I heard it

Show

Alright seriously Micklin

Take us out of here

That was a hell of a show

No, y'all missed it.

I heard some losers.

They didn't miss it.

They weren't here.

They weren't here listening.

That's right.

Okay.

So seriously.

That's right.

Tug was listening.

It was a show of memorable notes.

All right.

So Milkman, seriously, take us out of here.

I'm going to shut it off.

Oh, God, you weenie.

All right, everybody.

Collie is a wiener.

He's a wanker.

He didn't let me know we were going to do this show.

I've been asking for three days.

So I'm glad that he's back, even though he's still weenie.

and I'm going to send a message to his wife, Athena,

to crush his nuts tonight for being a bad boy

and tricking your old friend, the milkman.

That's right.

But nevertheless, we do love you all, and we sure have missed you.

And I did try to do a show, and maybe by the next time I get on,

I'll have it perfected.

That was good.

And we'll have some fun with that.

I did a couple good calls, man.

I was surprised myself, dude.

I was like, whoa.

Anyway, maybe I'll have it queued up for next week.

I'll send you the teabag call, man.

Yeah, do that.

Can't wait to hear that.

But anyway, yeah, man, everybody out there.

Yeah, it was pretty stupid.

There was a good pizza call in there.

But, yeah, everybody, all our friends over there at Syndicate, love you.

We missed you.

And I don't know what the hell happened.

I hope that you all enjoyed it as much as we do.

I know that everybody else enjoyed it more than I did because I missed a whole fucking thing.

And all of our friends, that's right.

98.6 The Mouth.

That's right.

We love you, too, man.

I don't even know who the hell's in our showroom.

That's right.

Show your titties.

Maven, I'm getting ready to come on my messenger, honey.

I need to talk to you.

So, please, please meet me over there on my messenger.

I need to speak to you.

Oh, that's a great moment.

And I'd like to thank everybody out there for tuning in.

But you know what?

It's all about you.

That's right.

Our listeners, our beloved friends and fans out there, we ask every week to invite your friends.

Better yet, invite your enemies, man, because we got some laughs for you every week.

We got some stunts and zany comedy right here in the Madhouse style.

We love you, man.

It's all for you.

The Most Interactive Show right here in Prank Radio.

Join us next week at Thursday.

But please remember to kick him in the nuts.

That's right.

All right, I mean, no, thank our Generalissimo of the Madhouse,

Arnito, Armanito, you traitor's bastard.

I mean, we love you.

Thanks a lot, Armano, for not inviting me in time.

I mean, after the great show.

Okay, done?

All right, look, man.

Well, then, a big thank you to Nunu for sending in numbers as he could.

And to Testio, Reverend Prana.

Prana sent in numbers, thank you.

Anybody else who sent in numbers or forgot it?

I'm sorry if I didn't.

Lonesome Loser, we did some of his old numbers.

Thank you, sir.

All right.

Is Lonesome in there?

No.

He's online right now.

I don't know if he's online.

Thanks to Tuck for checking in.

Kokanee and Baz were here also.

Thank you.

Milkman, thank you for showing up late as usual.

And all our friends in the Senate,

I want to thank Sidekick Chuck for holding things down while we were gone.

And Milkman, it was a good show.

What I heard of it was actually pretty funny.

I had a good time.

Athena and I were presently amused listening to that show you did last Thursday.

Or two Thursdays ago, that was.

Oh, you remember that fucking joke-ass show?

It was pretty good.

Oh, dude.

It was something.

All right, cool.

I'll get a call ready for you.

I'll get a couple calls.

Cool.

There was a lot of stupidity, but there might have been one or two good laughs in there.

If not, fuck it.

That's all right.

Fuck it, whatever.

It was better than setting home.

Better than?

I was in the closet, tied up, hanging from the highest shelf there with auto-asphyxia,

all the erotic

asphyxia

all right

thank you Milkman

thank you everybody

we'll catch you here

next week

Thursday that is

no it was

Secret Ninja

we're back on the 25th

thank you

my birthday is tomorrow

on Saturday

meet me on the IM

honey

meet me on the IM

please

Calls (11, 39 min of 1 h 43 min)

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