4 Year Anniversary Show

Who the fuck is this?

Listening to the

House Radio Podcast.

Who the fuck is this?

There's something about the volume here.

We'll probably get away with moving a little bit over.

Sure. Move an inch over.

We're live with Lopez.

Lopez is Cigar and Cigar Bar

in Orlando, and we're doing the

four-year anniversary show.

I think that the music is coming through, okay?

I know, right?

Yeah, it's coming in really well.

Good. I'm trying my best to make it

as audible as possible tonight.

Better now.

I feel you're going to have

this background

music and stuff

behind you.

Yeah, I mean,

none of these people

are here for Madhouse Radio.

I'm sure they're just

chilling and doing

their own thing here tonight.

Well, why don't you

say who you are

and say you're a big celebrity

and didn't like it

having FAP and everything.

Nobody cares.

I'm Carlito.

I'm the host of

Madhouse Radio.

It's our four-year

anniversary show

here with me tonight.

I don't know,

has milk been around?

I can't really see.

See, Tuck from Mike.com, how you doing, man?

Kokanee's here.

He is. Kokanee's here, too. All right, Kokanee.

I can play the applause, but I don't even think you can hear it.

Yes, you can, a little bit, vaguely.

I'll play KDK laughing. There, we all love that. It's always funny.

Yeah, we can hear him fine.

All right, so hi to Tuck.

You can always hear him well.

Hi to Tuck and Kokanee.

We'll have a lot of special stuff planned for you tonight.

Tonight's our four-year anniversary show.

we're going to be playing the top 10 prank calls of the year.

As a matter of fact, we're looking forward to that, of course.

Ten great prank calls that span the history of the last 365 days of Madhouse Radio on the air.

And we're also going to have some special guests on the air that are going to be calling in.

I don't know if we can do prank calls tonight.

I definitely have access to all my resources.

The chat room is in front of me, and I see all you are making it.

I'm sorry for being on so late.

Someone in Syndicate can let me know what our quality is like in there.

I don't know if we're really loud, over-modulated, or not.

Let me know.

I'm trying my best to keep the volume as nice as possible here.

I wasn't expecting this.

Apparently Thursday is ladies' night, so there's a lot of drunken ladies here.

There's a few cougars.

There's a milk over there in the corner.

What's up?

And I'm hoping Evil Artie should come here.

I believe you're allowed to hear if you're under 18.

I mean, if you're 18, at least 18 years old.

So Evil Artie, get with me on the messenger, and I'll give you directions here.

We're at Lopez Cigar Bar in Orlando, Florida, celebrating four years of Madhouse Radio being on the air.

If the toll-free line doesn't come up...

What's the smoking up there for Lopez and Cigar?

I'm going to start smoking a cigar here pretty soon.

I'm going to help myself to a nice cigar here in a little bit.

Okay, well, I got a Philly Blunt, so I'll light up when you light up.

Well, that's a classy cigar right there.

Lonesome Loser checking in with numbers.

I'm 90% certain I should be able to get the phone to work.

You know, I'm pretty sure it has three-way on here.

so we should be able to do some prank calls at least that's what lopez told me when i talked

to him before this is on his line he's good people i don't know if you guys have ever been

to orlando but when you do try to stop in and check in on lopez there's a lot of noise and

stuff here in the background folks i'm very sorry i did the best i could to keep this as nice as

possible i think i failed i don't think you failed i think you're doing okay there's something coming

I'll give you an 80% right now.

Alright, give me a second folks, I'm going to be right back.

I'm going to play a little bit of music while I try to fix one thing real quick.

I think I might be able to get things a little better here in a moment.

Okay, until then, that's hypermike.com, and check out the blog.

Alright, I think I got it better now, here we go.

Alright, good deal.

Alright, so counting down the numbers here.

Yeah, it's better, hello.

Alright, well good, a little bit at least.

I got a little further away now, so everybody want to call in?

The toll-free line is open.

It's 1-888-278-8509.

Once again, 1-888-278-8509.

Oh, it's Milkman.

Milkman made it.

All right, Milkman.

Hey, everybody.

Cigar bar.

Milkman.

Where are you going, man?

Are you talking from the bathroom?

Nobody cares about you, Milkman.

You got to hear it on Milkman.

Yeah, he's in the bathroom in the cigar bar.

Oh, okay.

I thought I was taking a shit or something.

Not too many people know who you are, Milkman.

All right.

You're very echoey yourself, by the way.

Who's that, me or Milkman?

Milkman's almost got sacked.

Milkman.

But I don't know if that's because of what...

Can we go to that for Milkman?

I don't know.

All right, so we're going to play Milkman.

It's four years on the air, man.

I'm live at Lopez Cigar Bar here in Orlando.

Yeah, that's all about, man.

I'm talking to you, number five, right here, 94.6, man.

My man Lopez got me in.

All right, brother, so check it out.

We're going to go ahead and do the first of these special prank calls for tonight.

We're not starting the countdown yet.

But this is the bits and pieces of the best celebrity prank.

What is that audio?

Shut up, Milkman.

The best celebrity prank of the year.

And that was the Sunny Landon by Hollywood Vanya for the third season of Madhouse Radio.

Everybody enjoy the best celebrity prank call we did in the last year.

This is the Sunny Landon.

He was in Predator and he died in a bunch of other movies.

Wasn't he Shawshank Redemption 2 or something like that?

I think he was, wasn't he?

He dies in every movie he's in.

He's been in a porno, too.

Sonny Landham, everybody.

Google him if you don't know who he is.

But fuck yourself, all right?

Listen to this.

Dude, are you, like, got a lot of background noise?

Yes, who am I speaking?

This is Khalid Wojtyla.

I'm with Enron, the National Relations for Enron.

How are you today, sir?

If you're calling about money, I'm in bankruptcy court.

No, no, no, sir.

I'm not calling about money.

I just want to clear something up that you had said a while back.

I understand that you had referred to some of our people as a cow hitch.

Is it correct, sir?

That was a statement used, yes.

What about it?

Do you want to do genocide against the Arabs?

Is that correct, sir?

No bombing of different Arab countries.

So basically what you're saying is you want to kill me.

Is it correct?

Are you an American citizen?

I have a green card, yes.

Do you support America?

I must support America. I have to be here.

Well, then no. I am talking about people that are...

You shut your mouth and let me listen. Listen to me, Mr. Landon.

I am talking about... I am talking... Will you shut up and listen?

Show me the respect I deserve.

All right, then shut up and listen.

I listen to you. Shut your mouth. I talk first. I am the bigger man here.

You listen to me, and I tell you what, I will listen to you when I'm done.

So therefore, yes, we should have bombed them and war.

So you want to kill innocent people that maybe didn't do anything?

It's the government.

And the government should have policies that don't endanger their citizens.

If they surrender, they don't have to build a...

They surrendered, eh?

Surrendering can basically mean you could die too in this country.

In that country over there.

Do you understand this?

Do I understand what?

In October.

Hollywood Vanya from earlier in October, and he did that with Sonny Lanham.

He's an actor in Hollywood, a real-life actor.

He's a racist actor.

So, everybody, this is Madhouse Radio, our four-year anniversary show.

We're live at Lopez Cigar and Bar, or Cigar Bar and Grill or something.

I forgot what it's called.

Anyway, my boy Lopez hooked us up.

Uh, he's got a nice internet connection here, and he let us use his phone line, and he's got some speakers set up here outside, and there's a little group of people out there listening.

They enjoy the show. We're gonna play, uh, we're gonna do some live prank calls in a moment.

Before we do that, the number one international prank call of the third season was to Japan.

I don't know if you remember this, Milkman and Tuck. Milkman, you're Japanese, aren't you?

You're half Japanese, right? Half Japanese and half, uh, white boy.

He's got a little Japanese in him.

Yeah, he does. He's got a little bit of Japanese in him.

Well, you're unmuted now, asshole.

Asshole fuck.

I'm doing my best to make the, you know.

Well, I'm live in a bar.

What do you want?

I'm in a cigar bar.

It's full of people, full of women drinking.

It's $1 per drink for women right now, apparently.

First of a very beautiful set of promotions we're going to have here.

Once a month, Milkman, live from my Lopez Cigar Bar.

I'm quite excited.

What's that?

Milkman's audio is bad as usual, so we're going to go ahead and just play the next,

the International Prank Call of the Year.

All right, dude.

This one goes out to Madhouse, Madhouse Radio, long-time contributor Milkman.

Sorry for your mother.

Shut up. Shut up.

Mushy Mushy, hi, are you an American English speaker?

Oh, this is Vagina Jones. How are you doing?

I'm good. How are you doing?

Do you remember Vagina Jones?

Sorry?

Do you remember me? I'm Vagina Jones.

Mr. Vagina Jones?

Yeah, you remember me?

Spell your...

Vagina, V-A-G-I-N-A, last name Jones, J-O-N-E-S.

J-O-N-E-S?

Vagina Jones.

Uh, V-A-G-I-N-A Jones.

Uh, yes. You remember we talked a few, we talked a few months ago, remember I came in? You remember that?

I'm sorry, uh, do you remember who you talked to?

I talked to you, you're the English speaker, right?

There's many English speakers here.

Well, I'm looking.

There was a beautiful lady that I talked to.

Do you know what oral sex is?

Do you know what that is?

Do you remember how does she look like?

Well, you remember if it was me.

I mean, if you got oral sex from me, you remember what I was like.

What do you mean what does she look like?

She looks like you all look the same.

Squinty eyes, yellow skin, black hair.

You know her?

Because we're Japanese, so, like, all of us look like that.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's true, isn't it?

That's why I love you girls, though.

Thank you very much.

So, was it you, the girl that I went down on?

I'm sorry?

Are you the girl that I went down on last time?

Sorry, is that called for a reservation?

Well, yeah, but I wanted to make reservations, but I wanted to make sure that I could see you again.

There was a woman I went down, I performed oral sex on a woman there.

And I'm wondering if...

I'm sorry, that woman, please, sir?

Okay.

May I text you a hold?

I suppose so.

I'll text you.

Okay.

Okay, just one brief.

Mushy, mushy.

Yes, hello, sir.

Felix speaking.

I'm the manager of the restaurant.

How can I help you?

I want to talk to the woman.

How can I help you, sir?

No, no, no.

I don't understand, but she didn't get what you want.

Well, I performed oral sex on a woman there a few months ago who worked there,

and I was trying to meet up with her again.

What?

I performed oral sex on a woman who works there who took my reservation.

a few months ago, and I was back in Tokyo,

and I wanted to meet up with her again for more oral sex.

I don't think you are in the right place, sir.

No, this is the New York girl in Tokyo, right?

Yes. Do you have the name of the girl?

Well, I mean, I don't remember her name.

She was a Japanese girl.

Do you have any... Is she there?

I don't think so.

If you don't have the name, sir, I cannot give you the girl.

Well, do you know who the girl is

that lets guys perform oral sex on her there a lot?

I'm sorry, sir, but I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't think one of my girls do that.

Mm-hmm, I did.

We went into my hotel room.

It was really good, man.

Have you ever had oral sex before?

Like, have you ever done that to a woman?

Are you all right?

Huh?

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm serious.

I like to give oral sex.

Are you funny or what?

I'm very funny, man.

Hey, you know what's funny?

You know what's funny?

We kicked your ass in World War II.

That's what's funny, you bastard.

We taught you a lesson, didn't we, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, come attack Pearl Harbor again.

You know what we're going to do next time?

We're going to drop five of those fuckers on you.

Okay, guys.

Yeah.

We'll take care of you, yeah?

You go to Wikipedia and look up Doolittle's Raid.

That's what I want you to look up to.

All right?

All right, mate.

Well, maybe I can...

You have a good time, yeah?

Can I do oral sex on you?

Yeah, please.

Come.

Come and see me.

Do you have, like, a small...

Yeah, you come and see me, okay?

Because the Japanese...

You come at the New York Will, and you come and talk to me, okay?

Not on the phone.

For oral sex?

If you're a man, you come here and you talk to me.

Oh, if you're a man.

And I will kick your ass, man.

Oh, I'm going to stab you with my Bushido blade.

Yeah, come.

I feel sorry for you.

I feel sorry for your mother.

Don't talk about my mother, you dickhead.

Your mother's right here next to me.

You have $2.87.

That insult works all over the world, doesn't it, folks?

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Be sure to visit Hive.com.

What's up, everybody?

That was the best international prank call of the third season of Madhouse Radio.

That was I Feel Sorry For Your Mother.

We're talking to Milkman's mom.

They're in that everyone.

Milkman's back.

Milkman got over his little...

Whoa.

That's not good.

Whoa.

Second, everybody.

The Cigar Bar in East Orlando.

A lot of what I'm being told.

If you want to call in toll-free, the toll-free line will be open a little later.

It's 1-882-788-509.

Just as it always is

Night prank calls here for a little bit, and then we're going to go into the top ten prank down.

Prank down of the year.

We'll be talking to Reclude, who's on the list, as well as Big Zolar from Zolar Party Nation.

We'll be on tomorrow night, 9 p.m. Standard Time, 6 p.m. Pacific on SenecaRadio.tv.

What do I even bother playing the applause sound effect?

I don't even see it spike up in the audio at all.

I'm trying to switch lines here.

I'll pass my help out.

I think this sounds better, this one here.

here. They just put a landline. They dragged it over from the bar. I think this sounds

better than that cordless one they had me using. Anyway, so continuing on, let's go

ahead and do some prank calls now. I've got some prank calls from Lonesome Loser. Yes,

Tuck, we hear you. We've got the New India Sweets and Spices. They're in Los Angeles,

California. That's the New India Sweets and Spices in Los Angeles, California. We also

have the Ibizu Ramen Restaurant. They're in Fountain Valley, California. And rounding

things out, we've got the Purean Indian Restaurant. Oh, and we also have a Greek

Greek restaurant here called Alexis.

All right, everybody, so let's go ahead and play a song real quick.

We're going to do a live prank call.

We'll come back and we'll play the first two entries of the top ten.

We'll play the number ten and the number nine song.

It's number ten, number nine prank call of the last year.

We're calling the Indian restaurant, everybody.

Don't go anywhere.

This is Madhouse Radio, live from Lopez Cigar Bar in Orlando.

Thank you for your time.

Thank you for calling.

This is Roman.

This is you.

Yes, hi.

Is this the India restaurant?

No, Ebisu restaurant.

What kind of food is this?

It's a Japanese restaurant.

Oh, you do Japanese food?

Yeah.

Hey, man, I'm at the Indian restaurant right now, and they're offering me a meal for $5.99.

And it's got tandoori, it's got banchu, and it's got the no-soda dough.

Can you guys meet that?

I'll go over there.

What kind of stuff are you eating?

Indian food, but that's like Japanese stuff.

You use sauces there, the hot sauce.

Is it spiciness?

You got wasabi, right?

Yeah, yeah.

What you got with that wasabi?

I'll go over there, fuck this place.

They're treating me, I've been waiting here for an hour for my fucking food.

And they won't give me my food, and the person doesn't even pay attention to me when he goes by anymore.

I've had five beers already.

Come on over there.

Well, what kind of food, do you have like, do you sit down and you make the big fire in the volcano explode in front of you?

Is it that kind of Japanese food?

Just ramen, and then we have a rice soup, and then stuff like that.

What kind of soup you got?

We have miso soup.

We have just carrot and vegetable mix-up.

Miso.

Miso horny.

Miso horny, fucker.

You know?

Do you get that joke a lot?

I'm kind of busy right now.

If you would like to...

Can you deliver it over here?

No, we don't do delivery.

Oh, but I'll give you an extra money.

I'll give you one money.

Five money.

I'll give you five monies extra.

Come on, man.

Sorry.

Seriously, though.

Come on, man.

I'm getting really shitty...

Listen, asshole.

I'm getting really shitty service here from these Indians.

and I'm holding you personally responsible.

Do you understand?

Pardon me, sir.

I'm really busy right now and...

What's your ethnicity?

Yeah, I don't have time to do this.

What's your ethnicity, sir?

Excuse me.

I'm really busy right now, sir.

What's your ethnicity?

I command you to give me your ethnicity, you fucker.

Asshole.

Returning to main menu.

Fuck you.

You have no new message.

Yes.

We don't have to hang up like that anyway, man.

All right, that was the Japanese restaurant, apparently.

It wasn't what we were expecting it to be.

My bad.

The mouse on my laptop here that I brought with me, it's dying.

Thank you.

They seem to like it.

They're on delay over there.

They're listening to it on delay, so they were just laughing at the end of it.

They were clapping.

Thank you very much.

They're listening there now.

All right, everybody, that was that one.

So let's really call the Indian place now that I was meaning to call in the first place.

This is the new India, no, I'm sorry, the Purean Indian Restaurant.

That's what we're going to call it, not the Ibiza Ramen.

We'll be right back after this countdown begins.

Y'all do have a question out there.

You do have a question that you're listening to.

How's the audio doing?

Is it all right?

Yeah, the audio's fine.

You know, the background is what it is, what it is.

And people are a little bit in the chat room, but you can do what you can do, right?

I got used to it.

This is what I'll have to do.

Just a moment.

I'll be right back with another prank.

Testing, testing.

Yes, hi.

Is this the restaurant?

Hello?

Is this the Indian restaurant?

Listen, I've been waiting here for a long time for my food, and you people still haven't delivered it, so I'm calling you.

I want you to come over and deliver my food already.

How long does it take?

You have the order?

I'm here in the restaurant waiting for my food.

I'm here in the restaurant waiting on my food.

And I still haven't gotten it, so I'm calling you to come.

Please bring it to my table.

What's your name?

Armando?

What's your name?

Fernandez.

Fernandez?

Will you come bring...

You got my order there?

Write it back to me, please.

I'm in table 12.

No, no, no.

I'm on table 12.

Come on, man.

Come bring the fucking food to me, buddy.

Come on, man.

I'll give you an extra $5.

I'll give you five monies.

What's the place to call?

There, I think we got her now.

I'm going to start the countdown.

Number 10 of the countdown.

This is the ad placement.

Tuck, you were around for a lot of these.

We did those, we were doing those Monday morning shows, remember?

We can still do them, you know.

We can still do them for like another month.

Maybe I'll do one this week there, Big Tuck.

What do you say?

Milkman, it's got to work.

Maybe we'll call Milkman and harass him at work.

Milkman, how you doing?

I think Milkman is not able to talk right now.

Talk just dropped out.

I think, did I lose internet connection?

I hope not.

Too bad.

Anyway, so what I was getting at, we were doing a lot of these Monday morning shows.

And basically, I was taking a Sunday paper, and I was calling all these, you know, ad placement, you know, these job placement ads, you know, ads for jobs in the Help Wanted section.

We had a lot of fun prank calling those.

This is one of my favorite ones from those.

This is called Ad Placement Jobs.

So basically, I took the Orlando Sentinel here in Orlando.

I don't know if you are aware of it, but the Orlando Sentinel, I took it, and it had an ad there by the newspaper itself in the Help Wanted section.

that had taken out their own ad and had said, you know,

it was basically an ad for people to buy ads.

Oh, that was a good one.

Yeah.

So what I did is I called back the Orlando Sentinel line.

It's a toll-free number to the Orlando Sentinel, you know, sales department.

So, you know, advertising for, you remember Milkman?

It was advertising for people to take out want ads,

and I confused it with a job offer,

and I accused a woman of, you know, blackballing me or something like this.

I don't know exactly what it was.

as milkman you had fun with it uh this is called ad placement job this is the number 10

yeah all right well yeah okay we can do it i'll get yeah we can do that anyway number number 10

best of uh number 10 best prank call of the last year of the third season we're going into our

fourth historic season here uh this was called ad placement job everybody enjoy

Yes, hello, this is Ralph Littlejohn,

and I'm applying in response to your ad that was under retail in this Orlando Sentinel from yesterday.

I have experience with ad placement.

Okay, you're talking to an ad that was at the Orlando Sentinel place?

Right, you folks put an ad here that says new ad placement.

I have experience with ad placement in the newspaper, so I wanted to apply for this job.

Okay, read the whole thing to me.

New ad placement for your convenience.

Orlando Sentinel Classified is available for a new ad placement, 24 hours a day position,

seven days a week available, 365 days a year options.

Call 800 and it has your number.

So I wanted to apply because I have retail experience and ad placement experience.

Okay, sir.

That is not a job.

But it's in the job offers.

It says here job offers.

I realize that, sir, but it's not a position that we have available.

It's in the career builder.

I understand that, sir, if you would please let me finish my statement.

Why are you discriminating against me because I'm applying for a job?

Sir, I am not discriminating against you.

I'm trying to explain to you why that ad is there.

Because it's an open position.

No, it is not.

What I'm trying to explain to you is that is what we in the business call a house ad.

That is directed to the employer.

Okay, so this is the employer I'm calling.

Orlando Sentinel is not for the employment.

For the employment, yeah, okay.

We do not have any positions available in the retail section.

What is your fax number there so I can send my fax or an email address?

I can, if you will, you can find out what positions the Orlando Sentinel has available

by going to our website, orlandosentinel.com.

Yeah, you can transfer me now.

Can you transfer me there, please?

Sure.

Can you transfer me there now, please?

No, sir, I cannot.

not you can't transfer me to get the jobs this is not fair i think it's because you know that you

have the same job that you're intimidated sir i am not intimidated i am a customer service rep

and that's why i'm trying to get a job in customer service ad placement okay sir we do not what i'm

trying to explain to you is we do not have positions available this is horrible it says

here you have a position you add placement retail sales new ad placement retail and then all of a

I said, oh, I don't have a position because you sound like you're going to make me look bad.

Well, I am not an HR person, sir.

I am not an HR person.

Well, I asked you to transfer me, and you're refusing.

You're blocking me here.

You're interfering.

You're running interference.

No, I am not interfering with you, sir.

What is your ID number?

I don't have an ID number.

Well, I'm going to report you.

I'm going to report you to the career builder.

I don't work in career builder, sir.

Transfer me now.

I command you to transfer me.

Sir, you can command me all you want to.

I cannot transfer you to Career Builders because we are not part of Career Builders.

Okay, here's my...

I want to find out...

I'm going to ask you one question.

If you look on your...

Let me finish, please.

I can't.

I have a problem with letting people finish stuff.

Can I just do mine first and then I'll let you do yours because I don't want to forget.

It's a good point.

Please?

All right.

Okay, good deal.

Thank you so much for being understanding and professional.

Ask me yes or no.

Is there a button on your telephone machine that says transfer?

Yes.

Push that button and then put the extension in for CareerBuilder and then press transfer now.

But you can finish what you need to say first.

I do not have a position.

I do not have a phone number for CareerBuilder.

Well, who handles human?

If you had to call your human resource director to see if your medical benefits were okay,

you can transfer that number, right?

No, sir, I cannot, because our benefits are handled out of our office in Chicago.

Oh, the Tribune Company?

Yes.

Oh, that crap. Those Republicans.

Please, maybe this is best that I don't get a job with you.

Are you a Republican? Is that why that's what it is?

Because I'm a Democrat, maybe you're thinking, oh, we can't have this liberal here.

I understand. It's okay.

I think it's got to do with it.

It's called blackballing.

I can tell you how to find positions that are available with the Orlando Sentinel.

I just want you to know that Martin Luther King didn't sacrifice himself for this.

That has nothing to do with what you want.

Well, you're bastardizing the whole movement of free people.

No, I am not.

Shame on you.

I am trying to tell you how to locate positions that are available with the Orlando Sentinel.

Do you have sticky pads there?

I want you to write down shame and stick it on your computer monitor

and leave it there for a week until you.

I'm going to have to hang up with you now.

Shame.

Because you are insulting me.

Shame on you.

I'm shaming you.

And I will not continue to listen to it.

I'm holding my finger to the phone, and I'm wiping it with the other finger.

Shame.

You hear it?

Shame, shame, shame.

Shame on you.

To place a call, press 1.

To listen to your.

That was fun.

Poor lady on a Monday morning getting a call from someone.

All right, everybody, that was ad placement.

The number 10 best prank call of the third season of Madhouse Radio.

Milkman, you've been with us, wow, how long going?

Since the second episode.

I'm going to have to get a special little story from you.

It's what Madhouse feels, how Madhouse makes you feel.

Tug's been with us for a long time also.

Yeah, yeah.

You like that prank call, Milkman.

What's your favorite prank call of the last year or so, Milkman?

Our name, name, name, man.

It'll take you a long time to name them.

Maybe we'll hit a lot of them here.

Put them on the list, man, and play what you got for us, man.

No problem.

We're going to do the next one then in the same vein as that last one.

This one's called telemarketer job.

This is a Monday morning.

I called this lady who had a telemarketing job,

and it's one of those things, Milkman, you know, those scams

where you've got to pay first.

You've got to pay some money before you get the job.

You know, those scam fucking machines.

And kids, if you're out there listening,

I know we've got a lot of teenagers that listen,

a lot of younger men, 18, 19, 20 years old.

Now, don't ever pay.

A, if you ever go to a job interview or call for a job offer or get a call for a job offer,

and if they're telling you that you've got to pay to take a test or pay to do this or pay to do that,

buyer beware.

Don't do that.

That's a scam.

It's a piece of shit.

Piece of shit, everybody.

Don't ever do that.

You should never have to pay to work for somebody.

It makes no sense.

No, I'm there.

We got the guy's number, and you called him back.

Ah, yes.

And you kept telling me the address, and then you explained the alarm.

I need an address.

Yeah, that's coming up on the list.

I won't give it away, but that's definitely coming up on the list tonight.

Good work, Milkman.

All right, okay.

I'm not going to do anything more than that.

Hey, everybody.

I'm going to get the favorites there for the last year.

I think it's a gold star.

I don't even think you can hear the stupid sound effects that I'm playing, but anyway.

All right, so yeah.

No, I heard it.

I heard it.

Cool.

Now I know what's going on, man.

I don't think you can hear that.

The next prank call is going to be Telemarketer Job, the number nine prank call of the year.

Hello, am I speaking to a person?

Hello?

You are speaking to a person.

Wonderful.

How may I help you?

I'm calling regarding your customer service rep job.

Okay, so currently what we have available that we are seeking are experienced telemarketers

to handle our outbound sales calls on several different programs that we have.

All right.

Do you have any experience in that area?

Yeah, absolutely.

I have six years experience in that, and I'm here to grab the tiger by the tail.

You grab it by the belt loops and you hump it into submission.

Make those sales.

That sounds great.

So what you can do is go into our Longwood location, fill out an application.

We'll give you an on-site meeting with management.

They'll go over your credentials and see what program works best with your experience.

Wonderful.

I have wonderful credentials.

I am guaranteed.

Put me down for an interview and a job offer.

I will have my pen ready to send it when I come in.

We don't have, you can go in for an interview between 9 to 1 or 2 to 4, Monday through Friday.

You don't understand.

When I come in, I get that job.

We don't have to get appointments.

I get the job.

Between 9 to 1.

I get the job.

No matter what, I always get the job, baby.

Okay, sir.

I say, I'm going to grab, I grab the job by the belt, by the hips, and I put it right in it.

Yeah.

Damn, that felt good.

Would you like our address?

Yeah, I'm going to grab it.

Give me your job.

I've taken the job.

Give me your address, sir.

Give me that job, yeah.

Yeah, give it.

Come on.

Yeah, give me the job.

Yeah.

It said 6-0-5-1-0-2-3-4.

I don't, that doesn't, let me put it in my GPS.

Hang on.

What is it?

Are you taking down the address?

454.

Hello?

454 Southwest 7-0-2-3-4.

I got it.

Okay, and that's it.

Where is it at?

Please confirm.

It's coming in between 9-1 and 2-4, Monday through Friday.

Hang on.

So I have you down for a job offer 9-1 and 2-4, Monday through Friday.

Great.

Yes, sir.

That's excellent.

So I'll take those hours.

I can absolutely work that schedule.

That's fine.

Oh, okay.

All right, so we'll see you when you come in, all right?

So do I have to bring a copy of my driver's license and Social Security number?

You'll only need that once they hire you, sir.

Just come in and fill out the application.

You just made me the offer, 9 to 1 and 1 to 4.

You said that was my shift.

9 to 1 and 2 to 4, come in to fill out the application.

I can work that.

That's fine.

Fine, I'll take the offer from 9 to 1 and 2 to 4.

Hi, sir, just please come in and fill out the application during those hours, sir.

We'll be glad to interview you between those hours.

Is that Monday through Friday?

Monday through Friday, sir.

Do you have a shift differential?

Can we change it for a different time?

Sir, you can find out about all that once you come in and fill out the application

and meet with management, okay?

What if I come in at 1 o'clock?

Can I leave at 10 instead?

Well, sir, if you come in at 1 o'clock, you will not have an interview.

The interviews are from 9 to 1 to 2 to 4, okay?

I don't understand, but I want to change for the second shift, I want a second shift, job, please, to place a call, press one, to look desperate, it's so desperate out there right now with the jobs, oh my god, so it's that number nine prank call of the season that we just finished up here, three years on the air, that's telemarketer job,

You know she went up on the right and that's the only way to go to the end.

Oh, fucking shit.

We need to tell him she got pretty upset there.

I'm going to charge that nigga double.

Oh, man.

Aereo from the UK is giving us a prank call that he made with a soundboard.

Yeah, sure, man. I'll get to that in a little bit, no problem.

In the meantime, we're going to do a live prank call here.

We're going to call FoggyNet Internet Services in California.

FoggyNet! Motherfucker!

I can't wait to hear some fog in it.

Did you hear a mention about a midget convention?

I'm waiting for a number still from Nunu.

He hasn't sent me anything yet.

Nunu's a wanker anyway.

Tell Nunu to send the shit in.

I need to get the shit.

Apparently there's a midget convention on tonight.

Alright.

The midget convention going on tonight still.

It's been going on for a while.

And Nunu needs to get me the number to the hotel.

That's all there is.

All there is to it, man.

I saw an episode of that show on CBS

B.S. where they kill people, and then they

check the bodies out, and they put, they

take pictures of the dead bodies, and they open them, you know,

and they look up blood. You know that show?

It starts off, it goes, who, uh,

who, who, you know? You know what I'm

talking about? What's that show?

Cold Case, uh,

C-X-I,

C-S-I, seriously, though, um,

there's, uh, there was a,

there was a midget convention, and a midget, uh,

hung himself, and he really got murdered.

Fuck, fuck house. Eric the Midget, when we,

when we do that, we'll ask for Eric the Midget. In the meantime,

I want to call FoggyNet Internet Services.

Aren't you fucking excited about that?

I sure am.

Boy, I can't wait for that.

Just a moment.

I didn't honestly think it was going to be this loud here.

FoggyNet, may I help you?

Yeah, hi.

Hey, this is Lopez Cigar Bar.

Data's down.

We can't put through any credit card.

We can't resolve our credit card transactions.

And our online jukebox is down, and we can't connect to MTN Trivia.

Over there.

707-459-4534.

Hang on a minute.

I'm going to try to reach Mark for you, okay?

Who are you going to get on the line?

I'm going to get Mark Dex.

Hurry up, because we're losing money here.

All right, one moment.

We might need some compensation.

Session.

I need compensation.

Hello, can you hear me?

Hey, Mark, first of all, I'm going to ask you, I have to ask you to speak up.

I'm over here at Lopez Cigar Bar, and we lost our internet service again,

and we're going to need compensation this time around.

We can't process any credit card transactions on the terminal.

Yeah, well, you do do our internet service.

I have you down here fogging that.

We've talked to your people several times in the past, and we had nothing but trouble.

You're counting me.

Lopez Cigar Bar, sir.

And this is Mr. Lopez.

Mr. Lopez, I do not handle your account.

I've never handled your account.

Listen, man.

I'm going to put a lawsuit on you so big.

You know how much money I'm losing?

I'm going to sue my fucking ass, you asshole.

I don't have your account.

You're not my customer.

You don't have to be a fucking...

You fucking dick.

Come over here and fix it.

You're a dick, you asshole.

I don't want to be over there cheating.

You come here and fix that right now.

I'm going to kick your fucking ass.

You understand?

Sue me.

I'm not your client.

You're not my customer.

I'm suing you right now.

What's your social security number?

bullshit what does it say here my sticker it says here internet alcohol foggy net and it has your

phone number is right here well it says here yeah bullshit sir you you i have you under contract i

have the papers right here with you under contract and you people screw up all the

fucking time every single week internet's up down up down up down hey all right good deal

So that guy did that to him.

Who the fuck is Sal, anyway?

Oh, no, that's fucking Sue.

You have no idea who the fuck you got here.

You have no enough time to face the call.

That's two.

That's three.

What a cheap...

A nice little crowd over here is enjoying the fucking show.

Oh, man.

They'll be nasty, Tuck.

I'm sorry.

It's a couple of ways.

He's a girlfriend.

Oh, they like that, Tuck.

Look, they just heard that in a replay, and they kind of like that part.

All right, cool.

Awesome.

All right, everybody, that was a foggy name.

When we're back in the studio, we've got better audio quality.

Yes, we are live here at Lopez Cigar Bar and Grill, and that's over here in Orlando.

Lopez has been very gracious and wanted to host us here tonight.

Tofferland isn't open yet, but that is 1-888-278-85.

That should work. It should beep through.

I have assurances that should beep through once you call in, so give it a shot.

Let us know. Let us know if the Tofferland is working.

It'll flash on your screen soon, but keep in mind that is 1-888-278-8509.

That's a toll-free line.

You got the time.

We got the dime.

Sean Ward wants to call in.

Well, Sean, hell, if you want to call in, just give me your phone number.

I'll call you direct because we're live on the spot here.

And, yeah, 10 minutes confirmed me.

The toll-free line, it looks like it's not set up to run correctly here to that back line that we have here, fortunately.

I apologize for that.

If it's not working, I'm sorry.

I thought it would, but, you know, we did our best.

But at least we're able to do prank calls.

I know it sounds like shit.

It's getting a busy signal again.

It's supposed to ring through.

This is supposed to be a three-line thing.

Anyway, let's do one more prank call here.

Another prank call.

This is the Czech Stop Grocery and Deli.

When I say Czech, I mean like Czechoslovakian.

C-Z-E-C-H.

Czechoslovakian Stop Grocery and Deli.

That's going to be fun.

Yeah, no kidding.

All right, well, I can't hear.

Well, this is supposed to be Atomic Dog.

Why does Smugman sound like local men's daddy?

I don't know why he does.

We'll be right back in a moment.

Next prank call of the night is coming right up,

and we'll continue with the countdown after this.

Sean Ward is going to be joining us here hopefully soon.

Also, we have Zolar planned for tonight.

Hopefully he makes it.

And Running Things at Reclude also will be joining us here tonight,

hopefully for a little bit.

And Evil Artie is getting ready to come over.

Evil Artie, that's Lopez Cigar and Bar.

that's in uh that's in uh in lake marybeth

sir all right let's give sean ward a call and uh we'll be right back in a moment thanks

difficult this here by the end of the crowd is getting bigger as we speak to get back to the

countdown here in a second uh right now actually while we get things uh squared away here i may

have lost the phone so in the meantime let me do this is the number eight prank call of the season

This is the number 8 of the best of Crankdown.

This is the Red Dots of Cuban.

Now, this is what I consider to be the best, newest victim that we've had.

This is the Funky Zone Cigar Place.

Appropriately in love, we're here in a cigar bar tonight at Lopez's.

But this is Red Dots of Cuban.

We've argued with this guy back and forth for a few months now.

We started calling him sometime around March, I believe.

Interesting guy.

This is my favorite call of the lot that we've done.

This is from about two or three weeks ago, but it comes in pretty strong.

That's the number eight prank call of the season, so enjoy this.

We'll be right back with more show.

Thank you.

Number eight.

Funky Zone.

Yeah?

Hey, you guys have Cohiba?

Cohiba's there?

Yes, we do have Cohiba Red Dots.

You have the Red Dots?

Yeah.

You're not supposed to have the Red Dots, though.

Why?

Because they're from Cuba.

No, those are from Philly banking.

No, no, no, no, no.

Listen, I just came back from a cruise, and I went to Barbados, and they explained the whole thing to me.

The Red Dots are from Cuba

And then the other ones are from the Dominican Republic

And if you have the cigars that are from Cuba

You're going to get in trouble

Now I snuck some in

You know what I did?

I took the bands off

And I put them in my luggage

They didn't find them

No, no, Habibi

No, Habibi

Handmade in the Dominican Republic

I am not your love

I got your phone number

You know that?

What do you want?

I want you to admit

It's from Dominican Republic

You don't understand?

No, Red Dots are from Cuba

You bastard

It's here

Red Dots

San Diego

L.A.

Republic

Dominica

how is San Diego

San Diego

is not in

do you want me to show you

invoice

bring me your ID

and come

I'm going to report you

to the

naturalization

and they're going to

take you away

Habibi

yeah

Olmec

is right here

Olmec is here with me

right now

your mother

who

your mother

Olmec

right here

who's

I'm going to call

I got your number

Can I call right away the police?

Uh-huh.

You are harassing us.

I'm putting a report.

You have illegal Cuban cigars.

Come in.

I have everything legal 100%.

Oh, where are you from?

Here.

It's in the shelf.

Uh-huh.

I have proof here that you have Cuban cigars there.

So you try to sell me right now.

You try to sell me illegal Cuban cigars.

I'm trying to sell you.

I have Cuban red blood from...

From Cuba.

...Philippine King.

No, from Republic of Cuba.

Can I help you?

Hey, buddy, how you doing?

Yeah, who's this?

Yeah, this is Valente.

Look, I want to apologize.

I think you're right.

The red dots are from Dominican Republic.

It's the yellow ones that are from Cuba, right?

You know what?

This now belongs to the police.

I just called them.

That's okay, no, but I just want to let you know

that I'm dropping, listen, I'm dropping the case.

I'm dropping the case against you

because you were right and I was wrong.

It's the yellow bands that are from Cuba,

not the red dots, right?

Right?

I'm sorry.

Would you please come to the store?

Why?

Well, you're going to hurt me.

You're going to threaten me.

You're ready to threaten me.

No, no, no.

The police officer, he want to come here now.

What time?

No, I don't know.

He cannot call me right now.

Well, you want to call me back?

I don't want to deal with you, man.

I'm really sorry.

I don't know you.

And you've been harassing me, saying bad words in Arabic.

And that's, you know, I'm going to sue you.

Habibi, Habibi, listen.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

Have you ever hurt anyone?

And I am 100% here with the law, and the police officers love them.

I have contact with everyone.

Wait a minute.

So they're going to take care of everything.

Shiraz, listen.

If you're guilty, you're going to be guilty.

Shut up, listen.

My lawyer...

No, no, no, not guilty, not guilty, not guilty.

What are you going to do when I show up?

Are you going to cut my hand off with a sword?

Is that what you're going to do?

No, no, no, I'm not going to do anything.

I just called police officers.

Are you going to behead me in front of the town square, in front of everybody?

No, thanks, no, no.

No, when you say you're with Allah, you're 100%.

I am trying to talk.

Thank you very much.

I'm trying.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you fucking penis shits!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

All right, that was the...

Stop the countdown, for God's sake.

All right, everybody, Madhouse Radio.

I've got the problem now.

No, this is not a Memrix show.

We are live tonight.

This is our four-year anniversary special.

We're counting down the top ten prank calls of the year

of the last third season that we just wrapped up here.

And we're going into our historic fourth season.

I'd like to say what's up to Da Dead, who's checking in here for the first time in a long time.

How you doing, Da Dead? Good to see you.

Also, a man claiming to be Sean Ward is also here.

We'll find out for sure if that's him or not in a little bit.

it army tango checking in a podcast listener who's checking us out live for the first time

apparently welcome sir uh big jake checking in gary's here also and there we are you want to

join us here tonight i've uh i would recommend that you message me over madhouse radio on ao

or yahoo instant messenger send us your prank call request visit madhouse live.com you can

send your prank request there also and i'll be sure i'll take care of them um also while you're

at it i'm going to say well i'm at it right i'm going to thank everybody i'm going to thank

everybody on Syndicate Radio. We've got a whole

bunch of people there checking us out, watching

and listening. Well, not watching tonight because there's no

video feed here. I couldn't set up the

cameras up here in time. Just didn't have a way to do it.

I wasn't

expecting this to be... I'm quite surprised

it was... the whole setup isn't

quite flawless here. Except for the fact

that it's very loud. Hopefully, maybe we'll do this

on a Monday night next time when it's not too busy

or something like that. Hopefully it doesn't sound too

bad. Anyway, continuing on,

let's go ahead and

see if we can get Sean Ward. Well, I don't know if Sean

is ready for us to call in. Sean, if you're ready, let me know once you're ready for me

to call in. I'll try that. Again, I got your updated number here, sir. We know what it's

okay to do. In the meantime, we're going to try to get another prank call here going.

We got some numbers coming in from the man himself, Lonesome Loser, who I wanted to give

a special thanks to also, since he's been helping us out here since I started the show,

since we started the show, our first episode. He's been out and about in the house helping

us out. Just a moment, folks. I'm going to play this, and we'll be right back. Oh, yes.

Yes, we'll play this right here, one of my favorite songs, one of Milkman's also.

More George Clinton for your ass.

Just a moment, folks.

Hello.

Hello, Sean.

What's going on, man?

How you doing?

Sean Ward.

I got a couple Twitter to tweet.

Oh, awesome.

First of all, I'm going to say what's up to you to write her a love letter, and she just might get it.

Oh.

So I'm just telling the whole world.

Now.

Awesome.

Sean Ward is...

...house.com on Twitter.

While you're at it, everyone be sure to visit seanward.net.

There's a lot of big things going on there.

Tell me about the new comic book, man.

I was reading parts.

I read about a good half of what you had online.

Well, that's the new thing is that I've got the SeanWard.net, of course,

a site that's been the site for years.

Right.

It's like my personal blog, my personal folio site, whatever.

The new site is called SeanWardSuperParty.com.

It's my new comic site.

Basically, it's the new comic book that I was going to start.

I decided to do it online instead, give it away for free on the Internet

instead of trying to get it printed.

That's right.

That's Benny Bunny on Wheels, and I'll tell you, I enjoyed it.

What I've read so far, I enjoy it quite a bit, man.

It's good stuff.

Everyone be sure to check that out.

Well, Benny Bunny on Wheels is the 48-page novel that actually was in print.

It came out last year in a limited edition of 200.

Sold all those.

Oh, wow, good.

And then I put that up online just to get Super Party primed and pumped.

The new story is called Benny Bunny Meets Benny Banana.

It's about a little cartoon bunny rabbit and his buddy who's a guy with a banana for a head.

And the mister in town, the bad guy, is this, like, gorilla called Basho.

Oh, shit, Basho.

Fuck that.

Yeah, he was called Basho because I heard that that was Japanese, but the name was already there.

It means free spirit, probably, or something like that.

Something nice and cute.

I don't even think it's the Japanese word at all.

Oh, shit, yeah, someone got you there.

Well, cool, Sean, man.

It's our fourth anniversary show tonight.

Four years, man.

We're going into our fourth year on the air.

Can you believe it?

Can you believe it, man?

I can believe it.

I can believe it, and I'll tell you why.

Why is that, sir?

I can believe it because it's right out of the gate.

Right.

I can believe it because you've got the best prank calls, the best study-in show,

and I know from first-hand experience

you're the best host.

Awesome.

Thanks, bro.

You know, you do good with the prank calls, too.

You got the chocolate.

You got the milk,

that spray of milk

when all of us try it.

He always talks about,

oh, the chocolate.

Those are...

And when you were here,

we got into that whole thing

where we're from the firmness of something.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, there's a firmness.

Oh, what was the name?

The names are ridiculous.

I forgot the firmness.

It's not the firm.

It's like even stronger than a firm.

It's like the firmness.

Something silly like that, man.

That's nuts.

I forgot all about that.

All right, man.

Well, thanks for calling.

You want to do a prank call real quick?

Oh, I always want to do a prank call.

All right.

Are you kidding me?

Who are you calling?

I'm going to throw some stuff at you.

You tell me what sticks.

Okay?

I got a Greek restaurant.

Okay.

I got a Czechoslovakian grocery and deli.

Yo, let's do one for Milkman.

Call the Greek restaurant, and I'll just pull the chocolate.

All right.

Cool.

And then we'll do another one after that.

Okay.

Cool.

I'm going to put myself on mute so that the crowd doesn't interrupt the call.

It'll sound a little better for everybody, and it'll probably go better.

All right.

If you go to the chat room, I'm going to send you the docket,

the dossier for this victim that we're going to prank call here

so you know what you're doing.

Okay, cool.

Okay, they're in Portland, Oregon.

Everybody, Sean Ward.

Again, please visit his website.

We'll give it out a little later.

Again, that's seanward.net and the party nation, whatever that is.

He'll give it out in a second also, I'm sure.

I'm sorry, I don't know about that.

SeanWardSuperParty.com

There you go, SeanWardSuperParty.com.

Nobody go anywhere.

Sean Ward coming up with a prank.

Thanks, man.

This restaurant, can I help you?

What are you doing?

Speak Spanish.

Do you have chocolate?

Just a moment.

Chocolate.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry?

What are you doing?

No, not Dorin.

Dorin is...

Do you have chocolate?

No, I'm sorry.

I don't understand.

Are people listening to the party there?

What's that?

Are people able to hear both sides of the call at the party there?

Yeah, yeah, they're hearing on the...

They got a little bit of delay, but they can hear the calls.

They're turning to main.

They hear me talking.

You have no new messages.

They're listening for sure over there.

They just...

They'll catch it.

Yeah, they're saying they'll catch up right now, I think.

Awesome, man.

That's a good kid.

For one, I want to call some place that's like a big box store or something like that.

Okay.

I figure if you're in that place and we've got the crowd behind you there,

we can use it to our advantage.

I've got an idea for how to work it in.

Okay, all right, cool.

We can do that for sure.

All right, let me work on something.

What are you thinking, like a Pizza Hut or a Burger King or something?

It doesn't need a Pizza Hut, Burger King, 7-Elevens.

I usually have the best luck with 7-Elevens when I do this character

because people that work there usually aren't very bright.

Okay, all right, awesome.

Yeah, that's true.

They're like the bottom of the rung to the 7-Eleven.

Well, they're not at the 7-Eleven.

That's what the working at 7-Eleven tucks in.

It's a combination of being dumb and being bored because they're working at 7-Eleven.

Yeah, exactly.

What do they got to do, turn hot dogs and, you know, count money?

That's about it.

You know, mop the floor once in a while.

Anything that relieves the doldrums of their slurpy machine.

Of their boring slurpy machine maintenance lives, yeah.

All right, cool.

Well, the boss is bitching with the class.

Well, I do that.

I'll tell you what I got.

Well, I find a number.

I've got a place called King Soopers.

I don't know if they do soup or king stuff there, but that's in Cheyenne, Washington.

Give them a call.

All right, King Soopers, all right, and I'll let you take this one also,

and then I'll find a 7-Eleven.

I'll sort of search right now, brother, all right?

All right, cool.

Awesome.

All right, everybody, Sean Moore with another prank.

Don't go anywhere.

Let me get that music going.

There it goes.

All right.

Yeah.

Calling your Delrange Plaza King Soopers.

For the bakery, please press 1.

For the deli, please press 2.

The floral department, press 3.

You want 1 or 2?

Please press 4.

For the pharmacy.

One moment, please.

You're calling Washington, right?

Yeah, Wyoming, Wyoming.

Okay, then that's a fact.

I need to get a super. I need to make an order.

I'll call back.

You're in the car?

Yeah, I'm in the car.

My name is Mr. Paulson. I'm calling from head office, actually.

I'm just curious, can you hear the crowd behind me?

Can you hear the people talking?

What?

There's a bit of a party going on.

We're having the head office, the regional holiday party, the July 4th party, a little late, how we do things.

And I just thought I might give you a call to keep you on your toes,

because I figured that you might think that while the head office is having a party, you could slack off a little bit.

I just wanted to surprise you with a call.

Nothing.

So I'm just curious, at what temperature are you keeping the hot dogs right now?

All right. Yeah, so what can I help you?

Yeah, maybe you don't understand. This is Mr. Paulson from head office.

Oh, is that it?

Only because I want to make sure that everything is right down there.

I want to make sure that you guys aren't slacking off while we're having the company Christmas party.

Where?

There? How are things there? Are things going good?

Hold on one second. You want to talk to the managers?

Manager, please.

All right.

Hello?

No.

No? Did I be put on the line with the manager?

It's not here, the manager. It's not here, the manager. Can you call back in the daytime?

Well, who am I speaking to now?

Huh? You? Employee.

Who are you?

Yeah, I don't have time to talk. I take customers.

Can you call back later?

Mr. Paulson, I'm calling from head office, and so I'd like you to answer just a couple of questions for me.

Yeah, call back later.

We're having a regional manager's Christmas party, and I just wanted to make sure you guys aren't slacking off while we're having a good time.

Yeah, can you call back later?

No, I can't call back later, because then the party's going to be over. Do you understand what's going on?

I need to know what temperature the slurping machine is.

There is no manager right now.

Well, you can tell me. Go look at the gauge. The manager doesn't work the store all the time.

You work the store, and I want to make sure you're doing a good job so that you don't think you can slack off while the district managers are having a Christmas party.

Call tomorrow, talk to him.

I'm calling now to talk to you.

I'm next to the manager.

I'll talk to the manager.

I want you to tell me exactly what temperature the slurping machine is at right now.

Okay.

I don't want you to think that you can slack off while we're having the company Christmas party.

I'm busy right now, man.

I'm too busy calling you.

Get in and make sure you're not slacking off while we're having the company Christmas party.

Because while the cat's away, the mice will play.

I don't know nothing about this party.

I'm calling from head office.

Yes.

Mr. Paulson.

What can I do?

Employee.

All you can do is you can tell me at what temperature the Slurpee machine is being kept right now.

Hello.

What temperature the Slurpees are that are coming out of the Slurpee machine

so that I know you aren't slacking off while we're having the company Christmas party.

You say what temperature the Slurpee machine?

Yes. I want to make sure that you are not slacking off while we're having a good time.

I'm at the regional manager's meeting right now.

I don't know. I never seen...

I'm at the regional manager's holiday party.

I don't know. I never seen...

So I thought that you thought that now would be a good time to slack off,

thinking the managers are too busy at the party to worry about you.

Well, no, we're checking in.

Surprise!

You're looking pretty seriously there for a little while, Sean.

That's awesome, man.

Dude, you're fucking...

Oh, you got a crowd going in the background.

Oh, good, good.

Everybody in cigar?

Yeah.

There's very few cigar smokers here, actually, man.

I'm like the only one, and I'm quite shocked.

There's a few older gentlemen over there.

There's a guy playing dominoes there with his son, I think.

Is it just a place where people, is it like a social club, or is it like a bar, or what is it?

They sell cigars, they have a bar, and they do some grilled stuff,

some grilled little munchies and sandwiches and stuff, and it's a cool place.

It's a huge humidor, man.

We're hanging out in a huge, oversized humidor with, like, a bar in it.

It's fucking awesome here, dude.

Cool, sounds awesome.

So what, are people there, like, because they didn't go there to smoke cigars.

They have, like, dollar pitches for ladies, apparently, or something like that.

They got, like, cheap drinks.

That certainly makes it all clear.

Yeah, they got, the TVs are on, there's no sports on,

but the TV's around.

I think there's a baseball game playing over there somewhere, I think.

If I knew about a place that I could get to that sold dollar pictures for...

I'd be on a date right now.

You'd be wearing a wig, wouldn't you?

Almost.

Sean, you're the man, bro.

Next time you come to Orlando, don't forget to tell me.

Let me know.

We'll definitely hang out.

If I'm ever in Toronto, I'll definitely hang out with you also, man.

I'll look you up.

Why don't we spend a part of this year in San Francisco?

I'm heading to San Francisco in September, and I'll be there for at least two months.

Well, Milkman's working.

Milkman's living in San Francisco.

There you go.

Well, shit, then I'll give him a call.

There you go.

Okay, everybody, while you're there, don't leave the show, but direct your browser to SeanWardSuperParty.com.

Check out the new comics.

And Carlito, all the best, man.

Good luck with the fourth year, and I'll check in with you real soon.

You too, brother, man.

I'll talk to you soon, man.

Take it easy, Sean.

All right, that's Sean Ward, everybody.

That's the man, everybody.

That's Sean right there.

Awesome.

John the warden

Mr. Warden

himself

Hermione

go check

into your

g-top man

I sent you

information

for the

midget

convention

I see it

what I'm gonna do

I'm gonna take a break

I'm gonna play

the number 7 call

it's almost

10 minutes long

we'll play about

8 minutes of it

or so

I'll take a break

and when I come back

we'll call the midget place

and we'll continue

the countdown

sounds good

alright

Reckless

gonna join us

here soon also

Don't forget that.

I want to give a big what's up to everyone hanging out with us

despite the bad audio.

We're live at Lopez Cigars here in Orlando,

technically Lake Mary, Florida.

Evil Artie's talking about coming over here.

Evil Artie.

Evil Artie, that'd be cool if you could make it.

I might be on for about another hour, hour and a half,

so definitely come in, man.

We'll put you on camera.

And everyone was quite excited about this.

Sean, I think Sean's going to quit the phone.

Hey, everybody.

This is the 100th...

sir all right everybody don't go anywhere this is the number seven

so hopefully we'll get zola on the line here he's the recipient once again last year he won

for the best tag team prank call telephone company trouble i don't know why the phone

the phone keeps wanting to stay that's right last year he won uh he won with me for the best tag

Tag Team prank call.

Me and Zolar, we won for the, oh, I forgot what it was.

The Feminine Napkins prank call.

This year, the White Devil calls a blind lady.

This is actually a Zolar show.

But this is hilarious here, folks.

White Devil machine, which I brought with me.

I don't know if you can even hear it.

I don't even know if it makes sense here.

It got a little quieter here.

People are starting to filter out, which is a good thing.

I think the quality of the sound here might be pretty good,

but I think several people are going to be heading back in here pretty soon.

I moved to a different section.

I'm far away from the laptop, so what I'm going to end up having to do is...

It's sounding better now.

I'll have to run to the laptop and hit play on the prank call.

I think this is much better here.

When I do prank calls, what I'm going to do is I'm going to run to this corner over here

where it's nice and quiet, and I'm over here buying some of my favorites.

Well, get some exercise there, son.

There we go.

All right.

You can still hear the crowd, I'm sure, right?

Because I can still hear it on my headphones, on my wireless headphones.

Yes, but not as...

Not as bad, right?

Okay, good.

has been good i think what i'll do is i'll try to set up in this section here next time i do this

here and this might be an ongoing thing so that's awesome so yeah anyway uh i'll digress i'm gonna

take a break real quick while we do that the number seven best of call this is the uh this

is also the call of the year as far as it comes in in the realm and the category of tag team prank

calls carlito and my man zola who'll be on tomorrow night 9 p.m eastern this is white

devil calls a blind lady enjoy everybody number seven well i'll be talking now all right that's

It's Carlito, like I said, from Carlito's Madhouse, Thursday nights, right here on syndicate radio dot TV.

How you doing, dear?

Is that the seller?

She's asleep.

I'm sorry.

Oh, this is her old friend, Miriam.

Miriam Lay.

Well, who am I speaking to, dear?

This is her daughter.

Oh, what was your name?

I keep forgetting.

I got the Alzheimer's, dear.

Hattie.

I'm sorry, Fatty?

Hattie.

Oh, Hattie, like a hat you wear on your head?

my heart wait hold on who's trying to take me down there what all right carlito you pick it up from

here okay carlito yeah ethel siller is coming on the phone i have a lady here that we found here

outside of the steps of the church and she gave us her phone number for a contact you know we

couldn't do the free cab ride but she says the only person that really knows where she can i mean

we've gone through her phone records here and his phone you know the little phone book thing that

you got the black little phone thing that she's got in her purse uh-huh i got her you know she's

She's here next to me right now.

I don't know if she's diabetic or she's...

There ain't nothing wrong with me.

And what's your name?

Name?

My name is Miriam Lay.

Miriam Lay?

Mm-hmm.

Is Ethel there?

Yes, my mother's name is Ethel.

Can we put Ethel on the line, please?

Okay, hold on, please.

They gotta come get me over here.

Yeah.

I'm here with a lady who's...

She appears to be either drunk or inebriated.

We find her outside of the steps of the church.

And I don't know if you're a member of this congregation or not,

but she keeps asking us to give you a call.

I ain't drunk. I ain't drunk.

She keeps talking about something about the devil or something.

I don't know if she's a Satanist or what it may be.

Do you frequent this church here?

A church where?

Do you frequent the church?

Apparently she's a very religious woman.

I understand.

Are you a religious lady yourself?

No, I'm rather religious, not completely.

But somewhat religious.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, well, I'm a little concerned she's talking about snakes and smell of sulfur around here.

I think maybe perhaps she has a wicked ghost in her or something like that.

Is the white man May ever die you?

Yeah.

Dear, dear, I'm over here by the man.

Let me use his cell phone.

I'm calling Miriam, the white devil.

Come and get me.

Put me away.

What's your name?

It's Miriam.

It's Miriam Lay.

I'm over there by North Brown Street, down the beach from you.

You see me around the church.

The white devil going to take me away.

I have a bad feeling that the white devil is around here somewhere.

Have you seen the white devil around at all?

I think the white devil is taking possession of those.

No, I haven't.

I hear it.

Don't you hear it, Ethel?

You at her house?

Yeah, they got me in the back of a van.

It looked like an ambulance, but the white devil driving it.

And Miriam, they say, you coming with us.

I said, call Ethel.

Ethel going to save my hole.

Is that a last name?

Who's that?

On the street, I was living out of shelter.

And I tried to escape and come by you.

I said, Ethel Ziller is going to be my savior.

She's going to save my hole.

Who's that?

You live in the dumpster by the church, he says.

Dumpster by the church?

What church?

Church.

I live in a van down by the river.

The First Unity Church of National City.

Oh, no.

No.

No, that church.

They got bought by Columbia Church the other day.

They merged.

National City Church and First National Church, and they merged together.

Did you hear about that one?

No, I don't know about that one.

Is the white devil on your end of the line or mine?

I don't understand.

No, there's no white devil on my end.

Can you hear that, Ethel?

Can you hear that white devil?

Yeah, they're on front seat.

He said he's corrupting the phone system, asshole.

Boogie down, boogie down.

Your phone bill, have you been paying your phone bill on time?

Because the white devil will take over your phone if you don't pay your bill on time.

Yeah, I paid my bill.

I just paid my bill.

My bill just paid it today.

The white devil said your last check bounds.

So Monday, if you paid it today after 2 p.m., that's probably what's going on here.

Yeah, I just paid my bill.

My daughter just paid it today for me.

Was it in the afternoon?

My phone bill.

Ask her what time she paid the phone bill. This is important.

What time did you pay the phone bill, honey?

Yeah, today.

She's going to look on the receipt to see.

Oh, please let me know and ask her for the receipt number too, if you could.

Ah, I give it what number, no, on the receipt.

Receipt number.

Ah, the time today.

You guys come and get me away from this white devil.

He say he going to impregnate me until, oh, my uterus been dried up for years.

Ah.

That's what he says.

2227 West Lehigh, that's what you say there, at 710, at 710.

1110 AM?

Uh-huh, today.

Got the number on that receipt?

Yes.

Give me the number on the receipt.

Receipt number 235-001-9315.

315.

9315.

Before we check out.

No, she don't know.

Did she make it an authorized clone payment center?

Ethel, don't listen to him.

He with the white devil.

Ethel, don't listen to him.

Don't get him.

You're busting on him.

Ethel.

Ethel, this is Miriam.

Can you hear me there?

Can we bring Miriam over to get this?

I mean, honestly, she's either drunk or diabetic.

Do you have, like, any hard candy over there, do you think?

Hard candy.

Do you have any hard candy for Ethel?

Yes.

Okay, because she, I think this lady.

I need it, I need it, Miriam Lay.

I need it.

Yeah, I'm confused.

The white devil's on the line somehow.

I don't understand how.

And this lady's diabetic shock.

I'm not in shock.

I saw the white devil.

Is Ethel, who is on the phone?

Ethel's daughter?

My mother is blind, and she is almost 90 years old.

If y'all come with this foolishness again, I will have the phone come to you.

She fucking finally realized that it was a fucking joke.

Number 6.

I don't want to play number 6 yet.

Hey there.

Hi there.

Jesus Christ.

Hey, everybody.

We're back on the air.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Live from Lopez Cigar Bar and Grill here in Orlando, Florida.

I'm Carlito.

We're here with Milkman, the man himself, Milkman.net.

Talk.

We just played the best, the number seven prank call of the year.

That was on the prank den.

That was me and Zolar.

White Devil calls a blind lady.

We had the number six call coming up.

It was the number five, four, three, two, and, of course, followed by none other than number one.

And then the number zero call.

In the meantime, I'm going to get to some information here coming in from Nunu.

Nunu sending in information for a prank called Potentiality.

That's to a midget convention, or also known as little people.

They don't like the word midget.

You know, they don't like that term.

That's calling them the N-word, Nunu.

Maybe perhaps you should be a little more sensitive to people of short stature.

That's not very good.

But anyway, regardless, we have breaking news here.

The midgets are having a convention tonight.

And the details are coming in through Milkman, through Nunu.

They're in Brooklyn, New York.

I didn't know they had conventions in Brooklyn, New York.

Things must be pretty bad right now, huh?

All right, cool.

On it, everybody.

Hang on a moment.

We're going to connect to the Marriott and ask for some midges.

Don't go anywhere.

In the meantime, we'll play bits and pieces of the number six prank call of the year.

The number six best call of the season three.

This is Los Angeles.

This was actually a misdial.

I meant to call someone, a clothing store, but having lost my fucking, oh, what do you

call it my wallet but instead i dialed the wrong number i got a very funny uh guy mexican guy and

his girlfriend at the house this is interesting we'll enjoy this everybody we'll be right back

with the number yeah i remember this we're calling the midget convention number six it's good yeah

this is the clothing place the socks place uh no you got the wrong number who is this um this is

the wrong number i know this is where's my socks clothing store don't give me that don't give me

that, alright? This is the clothing

store. I left my wallet

there. You're making up so you don't

give me my wallet back.

Give me my wallet back now.

I left...

I left my freaking wallet there

and now you people...

I left my freaking wallet there

and you people don't want to give it back.

Who the fuck is this? This is Valente.

You took my wallet. I left it there.

You don't want to give it back. When I get through,

I'm going to make a lawsuit on you, buddy.

Okay, hey, hey, hey, you just reached a residential place, bro.

Who the fuck are you trying to call?

Bullshit.

Two minutes ago, I was talking to you, and you said, oh, yeah, come in.

Come in and get your wallet.

Hey, bro, bro, bro.

Send me to the wrong house, man.

This is a fucking house.

You're a fucking, no, no, no, hold on, hold on.

Who the fuck is this, bro?

You fucking little shit.

Don't you fucking talk to me like that, you little.

Hey, where are you?

Where are you?

I'm going to fucking fuck you up, dude.

Where are you?

Fuck you, you fucking shit.

Give me my wallet back, you asshole.

No, no, I don't want to throw you out.

I'm telling you, you got the fucking wrong number.

Okay, get your shit straight, bro.

You want to meet me somewhere?

Yeah, you want to fight?

You want to have a fight?

Bro, bro, where are you going to be at?

Where are you going to be at, bitch?

Well, you tell me where, you know, and I'll show up.

Wrong fucking number.

This is a house.

Who the fuck are you trying to reach?

You fucking monkey, stupid, dirty shit.

You know what?

Hey, where are you going to be at?

I'm going to kick your ass so good, I'm going to laugh.

Is that your girl that I was talking to?

i'm telling you man this is a fucking house what the fuck are you trying to reach when i beat you

up i'm gonna do your girl in front of you do you have mother how many fathers do you have

give her the phone i want to talk to your girl i'm gonna kick your ass let's meet

now i'm gonna fight that's it all right jesus christ what the fuck is wrong with that guy

good one, dude.

I remember that one.

That was obviously a misdial.

Let me see.

I might not have a penis or a spider.

I could just tell by the way we talked to him.

This is Los Angeles.

Where is the 409 area code?

Huh?

Your area code.

We'll call our ID.

Where is your area code?

Dude, I'm blocking my phone number.

Don't even go there.

You don't have shit.

It's not my phone number.

Listen, buddy.

I'm going to give you the biggest slap right across the face.

I'm going to knock it right out of your mouth.

You know what?

Try it.

Try it, buddy.

Give me...

You know, if you're tracing my number, I dare you to call back.

I dare you.

You know, you can dare all you want, but what the fuck do you want, bitch?

You're the one that's harassing us.

Are you Mexican?

You sound Mexican.

You sound like Mexican.

What the fuck does that got to do with anything?

Am I trying to fucking make friends with you, bitch?

You sound like...

Why the fuck are you harassing us?

Why don't you ask your mother how many fathers you have, buddy?

You know what?

No, no, no, no.

Call the cops.

We have your number.

We're calling the cops.

The cops are harassing us.

I already called the police for you because you stole my wallet.

I already did.

You want the docket number?

I don't feel legally.

Please, please, give him the number and tell him to come here and we'll give him yours.

Okay?

Will you write down this tape?

You're a crazy son of a bitch.

They gave me a case.

What do you know?

I have a case number against you already.

Good.

Okay.

Good for you.

Get a life, bro.

I hope you get a lawyer.

You get a lawyer.

I suggest when we hang up.

It's a free country.

You get a lawyer.

Do whatever you need to do.

What's your name?

This is Valente.

Valente.

Valente, yes.

You're asking me if I sound Mexican.

Okay, anyway.

I'm Italian, sir.

I'm Italian.

Get a life, Valente.

I'm Italian.

Get a life.

I'm Italian.

Valente, get a life.

You stupid, disgusting immigrant.

Stole my wallet.

Okay.

Another one.

You're another drop in the bucket.

Valente, get a life.

Wherever you are, this is your job.

You're a problem unit, man.

I'm working on that.

If you're capable of flying in the 407 area, get a life, dude, okay?

How did you know that I'm 407 Erica?

Because it shows up on the caller ID, stupid idiot.

I'm blocking my number.

I don't know, but it shows up, bitch, okay?

Oh, my God.

Matt.

Oh, my God.

What do you mean, Matt?

Oh, my God.

They're the fucking life, dude.

Oh, my God.

This is Los Angeles.

Where the fuck is this?

Hold on.

Hello?

Oh, my God.

Please don't tell my mom that I was calling.

Who is this?

This is Valente.

Please don't tell my mom I was calling.

Look, Valente.

Valente.

I don't give you permission to record this call.

I don't give a shit.

You are harassing us.

If everyone has a recorder, then we can.

So, Valente, get a hold of yourself, dude, and you owe both of us an apology, bitch, okay?

Fuck you.

I apologize.

Hey, hey.

I apologize to the woman because she sounds sexy.

Fuck you, man.

Hold on, hold on.

Valente?

The girl sounds sexy.

Have some fucking respect.

The girl sounds sexy.

Is that your sister or your girlfriend?

Let me know.

Who is it?

Answer my questions, woman.

I command you to answer my questions.

Valente?

Yes?

Fucking respect.

This is Los Angeles, man.

You don't know the fuck you're talking about.

So what, Los Angeles?

Who gives a shit?

Oh, this is Los Angeles.

Where is it there?

Los Angeles, I don't give a fuck.

I shit on Los Angeles.

This is my town.

I run this town.

Find your fucking wallet.

I know where you live.

All right?

Where do I live?

Don't worry about it.

Oh, okay.

Exactly.

Exactly. Exactly. I know where you live. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Hey, get a lawyer. Get a lawyer.

No, I don't have a lawyer.

No, no, don't worry. I'm going to pray for you tonight. Don't worry.

Okay. Okay. Good. Good. Good. Okay. Okay. I command you to hang up the phone. Thank you.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Madhouse Radio is the shit. Hey, everybody. Madhouse Radio back.

back he played him like a chump he is a chump playing was like a chump had to ban some people

on syndicate i'll say i'm proud that i did you go on record if you want to get give me shit that i

banned certain people in syndicate you know what i'm tired of the abuse um you don't abuse me when

i'm doing a live show and uh i'm on my on my sixth beer and i'll tell you what if you people

are going to sit there and abuse me and don't think i'm not going to defend myself i'm going

going to defend myself, but I don't care if you're

syndicate friends, syndicate VIP,

or whoever the fuck you are. You don't come

into my show and disrespect me

in front of the listeners.

You go shove it up your ass.

So I don't care.

They can get mad at me and they can kick me.

They can get mad at me and kick me off a syndicate if they want.

I do what I do because I'm a fucking man. I'm a man.

And when I have to do what I want to have

to do because I'm a man, that's what I do.

And I'll ban anybody who comes to

my own chat room and comes into

my house and disrespect me. And the same goes

anywhere else

that I'm at

and I will expect

you people

to do the same to me

if I was in there

being a negative

little bitch

negative asshole

begging

a woman

like these people

here sometimes get

and here you

respect me

here in my show

you respect me

I'm the authority

and I'm the one

that's respected

and you respect me

and if not

then you will

suffer the consequences

and that's all there is

yeah

that's what he said

same

continuing on

we're going to do

another vibe prank

that's beer number

seven coming up now

We're going to call.

Yeah, no, fuck that.

That's too thick, man.

What's wrong with you?

We're going to call Yates Pet for Dinkus Ranch.

I have no idea what this is.

It's fucking nice.

All right, just a moment, folks.

We'll be right back with another prank call.

It's a live one.

One moment, please.

Yes, hi.

This is the Dinkus Ranch.

I need emergency service here.

What kind of services are you providing at this time?

Yeah, do you guys provide hay services,

or can you help me out with a horse or cattle that I have that are in need of food,

and we're willing to pay whatever it takes, but we've got to get them taken care of.

We just seized them from these horrible people.

They didn't feed them.

They had them out in a dirt lot with no grass for them to eat.

That horse, his horse and his cow were supposed to be eating plenty of hay every day

and they didn't feed them anything.

He was eating the bark and the wood off of the fence post.

You'd have to talk to the owners.

We're not...

No, we already seized them.

We already seized them.

We're trying to take them somewhere where they can at least get some food until tomorrow.

Well, do you have any grass over there?

Okay, well that's fine, I'm here in New Mexico also

And these animals, these poor animals need food

And you're not willing to help them out

Well, you don't love animals?

Then call it back, fuck that hoe

Fuck the rest of you

Hey mama, I'm an animal lover, man

I love animals, you know why?

But yet it still is hard for me to feel happy

Because they're delicious

Hey, is this Carlito?

It's Carlito at the Cigar Bar.

How you doing, man?

Hey, well, happy anniversary show to you, man.

Thanks, bro.

How you doing, my friend?

Doing great, man.

Good.

Good for you, man.

How's your week, baby?

I haven't talked to you in a few weeks, huh?

Oh, I got some projects going.

That's good.

You got some money coming in, man?

No, no.

No, it is, um, it's, uh, I'm building something.

I'm building a new kind of motorcycle.

That's good.

You're building it yourself?

You're making the parts?

Well, I'm actually using parts from a lot of different kinds of vehicles.

Is it going to run on gasoline?

Yeah, yeah, it'll run on gasoline.

It's going to run on gasoline.

Well, that's good, at least.

I thought you were going to say it's going to run on corn oil or something crazy like that, huh?

Well, no, if it was a diesel engine, it would.

It would run that.

In fact, the guy Diesel invented the diesel engine.

He invented it to run on peanut oil.

Right, right.

Right.

Right, but you can, you know, man, people with diesels, man, it's real easy to convert them over to run.

You can go back to the fast food restaurants and get the old french fry grease and filter it and drive down the road and it smells like french fries.

Well, they're not doing that shit anymore, though, man.

They actually sell that oil back to companies.

Yes, yes, there's so many people getting in on bio-

It's fucking money.

Yeah, yeah, it is.

It's fucking money now, man.

Now the fast food restaurants, yeah, it's harder and harder to get now.

Back in the day.

They used to, like, say, you know, they used to have to pay people to take it away.

Exactly, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, before people would come, yeah, sure, take it, whatever, we don't care.

Right, but when the gas prices hit a big jump, that's when, you know,

and people started converting their diesel engines to run on that ship,

that's when they, and plus, you know, there was a guy, he took a school bus

and he converted a diesel engine, man, he drove clear across the United States, man,

on free French fry grease.

Oh, shit.

Well, I saw there was these guys that did that, and they were on Jay Leno for one night.

I remember I was watching Jay Leno.

Right, and that's when people with diesel engines started converting them over, man.

You can convert your diesel engine over.

If you know what you're doing for less than $200, if you don't, you can take it to a pro, and they'll do it for about $750.

Exactly.

But this dude, man, he drove a big old fucking, like, a Greyhound bus across the United States on free French fry grease.

And what he did is he had a stovepipe.

He had, like, an 8-inch stovepipe, and it was full of all kinds of, like, cheesecloth.

Poured that shit in there, and he put a high-intensity sun lamp on it.

And when it came out the other end, it was fucking burnable fuel.

Yeah, but that's got to be fucking a nasty, smelly-ass process to do that, the fucking oil.

Well, no, not when you get it down.

Not when you get it down, man.

This dude, like I say, man, he had it all worked out, man.

I don't know.

Where he's just fucking...

I don't know.

I know I had a friend that used to work at a restaurant, an Italian restaurant,

and they had one of those grease pits in the back, and that shit in the back there would get rotten.

Right, right.

Oh, that's got to be nasty to take out that nasty, rotten oil, because it's not pure oil at that point.

Well, that's the shit they cook the meat in gets rotten and nasty.

The fucking shit they cook the French fries and onion rings in,

that stays pretty odor neutral for years and years, actually.

Yeah, I know.

It's only the shit that they cook the meat fries fucking meat in.

Yeah, it picks up, like, meat juices and garbage juice and water.

Right, and I'll tell you about barbecue, right?

Barbecue gets fucking that shit.

The drippings off of that turn all rancid and nasty real quick.

it's just meat

it's meat

yeah it is

it's like

hey dude

hey

so how's everything

going with you

good man

we're live at a cigar shop

we're at Lopez Cigar

well I'm on

I'm listening to you

I'm on

I was in the chat room

there man

but

some upset people

in the chat room

I'll tell you

like I just said

everybody else

you know I'm gonna

you know I don't need

to be sitting here

doing a show

and have some people

some jack offs

sitting there

saying fucking shit

fuck that

I don't give a fuck

maybe I've had a few of me

but I just don't feel

I feel like dealing with that shit now.

Well, I'm in the chat room on Syndicate.

Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah, if someone's going to be an asshole,

they're going to have to get a time out,

and that's too fucking bad,

and people want to sit there

complaining and be little bitches about it,

and too bad, and deal with it,

and go talk to Syndicate management,

and I'll back myself up and say,

you know what?

I've got to try to skip the chat right here.

Some people being stupid,

saying stupid shit,

get tired of it,

just kick you out,

go take a time out.

I don't blame you a bit.

That one dude was really

a fucking obnoxious asshole.

Yeah, we don't need that shit.

We don't need, you know,

You know, we don't need faggots here, is what it is, and that's the way syndicate is.

And if you don't like it either, that bitch doesn't like it either, get the fuck out too if you don't like it.

That dude was on cam, right, and he was talking about how his hot girlfriend was in the bedroom and shit,

and a dude says, well, put her on the cam.

And he says, oh, oh, well, she's in the shower now.

And he says, well, that's okay, just show her to us.

And he wouldn't fucking do it.

He's another one of these motherfuckers living an imaginary fucking life, right?

Right, exactly.

If he had a fucking hot girlfriend, he would show her on the cam.

He was live on the fucking syndicate cam.

But the guy had all kinds of fucking thousand excuses why he couldn't show his hot girlfriend on the cam, right?

If you're going to be a faggot who can't take it in band, then go fuck yourself.

That's all it is.

Right, man.

Man, if you talk the talk, you've got to rock the rock

or else you'll get fucking shown up every fucking time.

Right now, all these fucking liars are exposed, man.

All these fucking liars are being fucking exposed.

All these dirty bastards that sent the young men of America off

to fight innocent fucking people in the Middle East

to raid, burn, and pillage the fucking Muslims right now.

These motherfuckers are being exposed.

These corporations, these international arms dealers that roars

and send the poor people off to die so they make trillions of dollars

so they keep control of all the wealth on earth.

These are the evil bastards right now that are being fucking exposed.

Yeah, you do sound like, high five is a good point.

You do sound like that sometimes.

It makes a very good point.

Well, it's fucking true, man.

Like this bank or bailout shit.

They're trying to do another fucking bailout now.

What's that shit about, right?

That wasn't a bailout, dude.

A fucking bailout is if you're in jail,

I come down there and post your fucking bail.

These motherfuckers that are destroying the economy,

now they're consolidating their fucking wealth and power globally.

globally and right now they're trying to take down the economy of the united states right now

they're moving so much of our infrastructure that made this country the number one industrial power

in the world for many years they're moving most of it over to red china and the rest of it over

to india and what they're trying to do is break the back on the middle class people in this

country and bring us down into a third world status where your sons and daughters will be

the fucking sex slaves of the elite of the rich that's what they're trying to do and they gotta

be resisting the pose that every turn and every fucking way in the u.s constitution

right and not only the right but the obligation the duty to keep these motherfuckers from

destroying our constitution our bill of rights and our magna carta which gives equal freedom to us all

which gives you the right to own a gun.

It gives you the right in case some fucking maniac kicks your door.

Well, the law and the Constitution gives you the right to defend yourself.

And they're trying to take that power away from us regular people.

Awesome, man.

What they're doing is they're taking Cypher's hat.

They're taking literally Guy Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer,

and they're giving positions of power within the government.

People that love to rape and rob and pillage.

I mean, they're just the worst kind of scum.

They're trying to get rid of the good people in the government.

That's why right now we have two governments.

We have a government by day and a government by night.

In other words, we have a shadow government.

Shadow government full of ninjas and foxes.

Well, actually they're not ninjas.

What they are, man, is those cowardly, fucking pathetic sons of bitches that want to rule the world.

I got to call a recluse, man.

All right, brother.

Hey, well, it was nice talking to you, my bro.

All right, man.

Well, thanks for being on the last show ever on Syndicate.

Appreciate it.

What do you mean?

Is it really the last show?

No, I'm kidding.

I don't know if it is.

But if it is, dude, I'll just tell you what.

You know, I'm going to be respected around here.

and people decide to kick me off a syndicate

and you do what I do

but I do what I do because I'm a man

and I'm not going to sit here and be disrespected

over and over again by petty people

by trash people

like are coming around tonight

and they're suspecting me

they will be dealt with

well hey Carlito

listen to that

if dudes like you

and Zolar

our fucking left

syndicate. I think syndicate

would probably collapse, man.

It's not going to collapse. I don't care about it.

Well, actually, what I think

is they're setting up all this high technology

for

nefarious purposes, actually,

where in a few

years, if the United States is still

here, they'll try to put a fucking law

through where everybody's got to have

a fucking cam in their

fucking house and be hooked up to the

fucking brother internet.

Including you, crazy fucker.

We're still waiting to see you on cam, you woman.

Well, I am, man.

I'll tell you what, man.

I've been saving my pennies, and I'm about ready to go out and buy a fucking Cray supercomputer.

I'm trying to work a deal with...

Oh, shit.

I'm trying to get...

I found a gateway.

Oh, my God.

Man, the illegal business is coming in the mail.

I'm trying to negotiate a contract where I can buy...

A contract with a cow.

He says you use a telegraph stove.

All right, man.

I'll talk to you later.

We'll talk to you next week, crazy fucker.

See you, man.

Bye.

Crazy fucker.

Jesus Christ.

The people listening in the back.

The Republican swastika head.

The people listening here in the bar have, like, no idea who the fuck crazy fucker is,

but they love him already.

They were cheering him on for a little while there.

That was pretty funny.

We're live at Lopez Cigar Bar and Grill.

Tell them to come back in now.

New messages.

To listen to your messages.

We're live at Lopez Cigar Bar and Grill here in Orlando, Florida.

The city beautiful.

the beautiful Orlando, home of the magic, and home of Busty Snipes.

Big Orlando fans here.

If they got him, long asses to ya.

All right, so we're going to call Reclude here.

Reclude's been waiting for us to call him.

He's the recipient of one of the, he's the recipient of Best Guest Caller of the Year.

He won last year for this, and he's winning this year again.

I guess I will play his call after we talk to him.

In the meantime, let's get Reclude here on the line,

because he's going to have to go pretty soon, everybody.

buddy, and we'll play the number

five call of the year.

This one is, uh, put the phone

down. Uh, and this one here, I

called an Indian restaurant. One of our

themes this year was Bhenchod.

We kept doing the Bhenchod thing, the Bhenchod thing.

Now, unfortunately, this year we did lose Jim Stewart.

Uh, but we did... Explain what Bhenchod

is. Bhenchod is

Indian. It's a very

coarse Indian curse, which means

sister fucker. And it's one of the

biggest curses that you can say to an Indian man.

They take very great offense with you, even if

They don't even have a sister.

Apparently, they take women very seriously over there

and their relationship with their women figures

and their mothers and their sisters and their daughters.

So I called him a sister fucker,

and this gentleman got very mad at me.

He took it for a while.

They don't like you talking to their ugly sister.

No, no, they don't at all.

Oh, some Indian girls are nice.

I want to lick their pussies and touch their pussies with my tongue.

But anyway, here we go.

Put the phone down.

Number.

Yeah.

Okay.

You have?

I can order for you.

Do you have a sister?

Do you want some? I can order for you.

Yeah, bring your sister over. Yes, please.

Why don't you come deliver your sister to my house?

I can screw you up, man.

Can you give me your phone number right away? I can call 911 and screw you up.

Asshole. Motherfucker.

Put the phone down.

Don't laugh. I'm going to give you your phone number to the 911 right now.

No, please don't tell. I'm going to get...

Screw you, fucking asshole.

Please don't tell.

Just hold on.

Please don't tell. No.

I'm going to rip your phone right now to 911, fucking asshole.

Motherfucking.

You fucking bastard.

and hello i say what the fuck is that ring number ring song you got man what is it it's like some

classical tchaikovsky stuff what is that oh man i try i keep on trying to change it this thing's

fucking up on me i gotta i gotta call that i have like miley cyrus on that motherfucker

a little bit bro how you doing man it's reckless everybody

How you been, bro?

I'm tired and busy, but pretty fucking happy.

Oh, man, I'm in a bar right now.

I'm good.

I'm on my seventh beer of the night, sir.

Seventh?

Mm-hmm.

Here you go.

I'll have a drink with you.

I got fucking...

I'll tell you later about this one, bro.

Yeah?

Is she drinking with you, or is she doing other stuff?

Well...

Well, you know.

Did you touch her pussy with her tongue?

You ever do that?

Come on, man.

Nobody talks like that.

Oh, yeah, I do.

I do.

I like talking.

I'm just kidding.

I talk worse than that.

All right.

No, I don't even know, dude.

and I'm fucking really, I'm not going to lie to you.

You don't go down south?

Been smoking.

Girls like it when you go down south, man.

Of course they like it.

It doesn't fuck what they like.

Yeah, man.

Hell yes.

Yes.

Wanted to talk to you about these calls.

Of the ones you did this year with us,

the one that came out on top I think was those salvage call,

salvage yard calls.

You remember that?

Yeah, salvage yard calls.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanksgiving night, you and I start doing a show,

and we call this junkyard here,

and you're Richie Randall.

Richie Randall needs to get his car back from Francine,

and Francine had to put it in the junkyard.

What were your thoughts about that?

Was that your favorite prank call you did in the last year?

I think you had some better ones.

I think you had your own, right?

What are you talking about?

All right.

I'm sorry, Willie.

All right, so what are we talking about?

We're talking about prank calls.

We're talking about salvage yard calls.

Yes, Richie Randall.

You said, yeah.

No, I was saying, was that your favorite call of the last year?

or have you had any better ones on your own?

Have you been doing any pranks lately on your own, man?

I just, well, I mean, some of the best pranks,

my favorite pranks, are pranks I do in the studio.

Like, when somebody calls up and I'll just fuck with them,

but I can't record it fast enough.

Okay.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, lately I got my BlackBerry

and I've been, like, recording them with them, but...

You can record it on the BlackBerry itself?

It records it for you?

Well, I mean, I just hold it up there

because we have, like, nice little, like, office phones

and shit with good speaker phones.

Okay.

I just put it up there, and, like, yeah, there was this woman that called in.

She asked if we were, like, the credit department for some local, like, fucking auto sales.

So I started busting her fucking balls.

I did, like, that Touchstone Ferris shit where I put her on hold and kept on transferring.

Yeah, to Jim Bob.

Like, everybody.

And then I just, I don't know, like, it blew it.

At first it was, like, yeah, it was, like, some black guy, and then it comes back, and it was me,

and I'm like, oh, that's bullshit.

Like, that wasn't even the right person.

I transferred him to Richie Randall.

Richie talked to him for a little bit, and at the end, I was just like,

and I just want to say one thing, cunts.

She started calling, so she called back, and, like, her husband called back and shit.

It was just dumb because, I mean, like, you know what I mean?

They knew who it was.

They told me, we know who you are, so watch out.

That's what they told me.

Did you put in for your Google Voice invite because they're giving them out slowly?

Oh, fuck yeah, dude.

Oh, yeah, dude, I already got one.

I got two, actually.

Are you two invites, or you've got two accounts now?

Well, I've got two invites.

I've got one account.

Because I've got the two different e-mails or whatever I'm on.

So I might go on and do the second one.

But I've got to go on and do the second one.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, well, Milkman, the reason you haven't gotten a single invite is because they're not letting us existing members send invites out again yet.

I'm still waiting for that.

But my coworker, he got one.

He loves it.

And he got his second invite back.

So I'm waiting on getting a few.

you i put in a request for five different ones um but dude you can pick up like if you can type in

your name and it'll give you a number like i put in like uh carlito and it gave me like you know

like a number in like new york was like 212 carlito like it finds vanity numbers for you

at no charge yeah yeah yeah because i was thinking like you know i was gonna put like

in like you know like you know 115 horse fucker something like that you know what i mean like

you know getting some funky names and shit like that but yeah they got numbers in la and new york

and shit all over the country, so I'm going to get a whole, you know, I'm going to pick

a whole bunch of them, and yeah, definitely.

Yeah, dude, I'm going to get as many as I can, I'm going to do it, it's also like business

wise too, but I mean, obviously it's, you know, I'm going to get me one place, I mean

the LA one, I want to kind of like use that, because I plan on going out there, but I also

want to get one somewhere like fucking Idaho or some shit, it's just for fucking with people,

so we can call up and have people smash out the glass in there.

Smash out the glass, you fucking asshole.

When I fucking heard those calls, dude, I about pissed my pants.

I heard this one where you heard the glass breaking.

Yeah.

It was a British guy, and you could listen to the background.

Who would do that?

Like, that's my question.

Who the fuck would, like, you'd be working at a hotel.

Are you that brain dead that you would, like, breaking glass and shit

without, like, consulting maybe your boss or the police or somebody?

You know what I mean?

Picking up a chair and breaking the hotel window

and breaking the fire sprinklers and shit.

I mean, how stupid can you fucking be to actually buy that?

They're giving the wrong people a felony, I'm telling you.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Well, it's a site.

They're still up right now, but, I mean, they're getting a lot of press for it.

You kind of want to feel happy for them, but that's fucking bullshit, though.

I mean, come on.

They're going to fuck things up for people like me

because you're just going to get a lot of extra scrutiny now.

A lot of, you know, the feds are getting involved,

so they're going to start looking for these Internet prank call sites.

No, they're not.

Come on.

This is, I mean, if it keeps happening, maybe, I don't know.

Well, dude, the cops already came in on me.

And that's one of the things that happened.

The cops busted in on me a few months ago.

Remember that.

Don't forget this.

Yeah, I mean, when you cocksuckers were calling fucking, who

Who were you calling, though?

Of course.

They're like right tied into 911.

What do you expect?

It was an anger management line,

so I called in angry.

What the fuck did they expect was going to happen?

Like, oh...

What was the breaking moment where she turned the call?

I don't know who she knew.

She's sucking somebody's dick, some cop,

and the guy's like, all right, fine,

line and he made some reverse 911 shit so whenever i called out of my my studio line

uh at the you know back at the house it was going straight to 911 so it traced my number

any call that i made out got traced and the next thing i know an hour later i'm sitting here just

chilling and these cops knock on the door and they come in with their fucking guns and shit

are you fucking seriously guns drawn not drawn but they had their hands on me they were ready

They were ready to

The one cop had his hand on his hip the whole time

He was looking at me

And I told him fucker you better fucking use it

I told him like he was getting ready to take it out

If you pull it out you better fucking use it

Because I ain't got a fucking gun on me right now motherfucker

So he pulled out his bully club

He was going to hit me with the club and says

Yeah you fucking asshole

And they started going through the office

And they busted up my fucking dresser

Knocked shit all over the place

Fucking assholes yeah

But at least they let me go

the one

the chief

not the chief

but the sergeant

was like laughing at it

he was like

whatever man

don't worry about it

it's fucking bullshit

sorry about the fucking thing

it was just black

I mean no offense

but the black cops

they got like something to prove

you know what I mean

I mean I don't mean to talk bad

about any race

or you know

and cops do what they do

whatever it is

you know

yeah it's a good service

they do for us

but you know

some of these cops

they're fucking assholes

you know

there's one I think

who might be

there's a guy over there

who looks like a cop

so I better stop talking shit

but dude

you want to do a prank call

real quick

Before I move on with the countdown, I've got to wrap things up here pretty soon.

Well, shit, let's give it a try.

I don't know if I'm mentally stable for one, but let's give her a shot.

You don't have the mental fortitude.

All right, I've got a casino.

When are you ever...

I've got a casino.

Casino.

I've got a casino.

It's called Munchies Casino.

They're in San Diego.

What?

The Munchies Casino.

Yeah, exactly.

That's what I said.

Maybe they let you smoke weed there.

I don't know.

I'm going to...

Oh, actually, SD...

What?

South Dakota.

I don't know if they had fucking shit in South Dakota.

I don't know if they had fucking casinos out there.

What was that about?

Go to Google.

Is that where it is?

It's not San Diego.

It's in South Dakota?

South Dakota, yeah.

SD, South Dakota.

Aberdeen, South Dakota.

I sent you the...

I didn't think they'd...

Laws are so weird.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

With casinos and stuff and gambling.

I don't know.

They need to start some fucking casinos here in Orlando

because fuck that shit, man.

They need to start making some money up in this bitch in Orlando

because fucking shit's bad.

Did you hear...

I don't know if you heard what happened, dude.

You hear at Disney World, the monorail had crashed.

kill the kill the kill the monorail pilot oh my god that's some fucking shit man i've been on that

thing a way to die yeah i know right monorail doesn't even stop that shit goes fast too that's

fucking scary that's fucking shit all right

well reclu don't go anywhere man i'm gonna get the uh next prank call and i hear this is gonna

to be the casino it's called munchies don't go anywhere bro all right later what keeps happening

every time i connect you really i've got a dial tone i think this is really yeah i don't know

what's going on i don't know i don't know man are you in a skype phone or something no i'm

somewhere so i don't know i don't know man i don't think it's gonna work maybe it's just this

fucking setup again this fucking place all right well what the hell you got going on there i'm

i'm in a cigar bar i'm doing a live show from a cigar bar man yeah i know but i mean we got a

A laptop or what?

We got a laptop with one of those Wi-Fi cards, one of those 3G whatever cards,

and we're using the bar's phone line and trying to connect it.

It's been working all night, but now it's starting to fail a little bit,

so I think we stressed it out too much.

I don't know.

Yeah, anyway, well, I guess we can't prank live,

but I'm just going to go through the countdown, and we're going to end the show.

All right, Matt?

Yeah, man.

Well, anyways, I just want to say I won an award, right, or something, right?

You did.

You're going to get, I'll tell you.

You're going to be wonderful.

You probably should have been the number one prank.

It was very close, but you got the number two prank of the year.

That's the Richie Randall salvage cart and salvage yard calls are coming up next.

They're awesome.

Well, thank you.

That was a fun time doing that.

I want to thank you and everybody who voted or didn't vote.

Or didn't.

Did they vote or did you guys just decide?

We took some votes, some suggestion votes, actually, and I rounded it out.

I shaped it.

The listener shaved it, and I finalized it.

I had the executive decision, you know what I mean?

Oh, well, thank you to all the people that voted.

Appreciates it.

Right.

That's about it, man.

All right, man.

It's like, thanks.

All right, Reckless, man.

I'll catch you next week.

All right, bro, take it easy.

Peace.

Bye.

I have the mic working.

The mic will be working for the first time right now.

Oh, sure.

We got a mic working here.

All right, good.

Finally, about time.

Yeah.

All right, anyway, we're going to do the next call here.

This is the number four.

this one is called Zone 2

so we called this place in Texas

it's called Cobra Security

and we had fun with it

and this is using my little

I soldered together this little alarm thing

in one of my electronics classes

that I had

remember this is called Milkman

this is funny

all the people listening here

are going to enjoy this one

so anyway this is

this one's called

I'm drunk

I'm so fucking drunk.

This is Zone 2, motherfucker.

Just a moment here.

The number four best prank call of Season 3.

Thank you.

Number.

Oh, four.

Whoops.

Security.

Yeah, there's a problem in Zone 2, and you people still haven't shown up over here.

I don't know if someone's got their keys locked in, and there's an intruder in Zone 2.

I don't know what you're talking about, sir.

Who are you?

Jesus Christ.

This is Destro.

I'm calling for status on Zone 2.

We've been paying you people on this contract for security.

You guys don't do jack.

This is the third time I'm calling in.

There it is going off again.

What for that business?

What?

For my customer.

I need you guys to stop.

Do something about Zone 2.

Turn that alarm off.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Zone anything.

All right, now.

What customer are you?

Huh?

Who are you?

What business is it?

I'm with Valenti.

Or what customer?

Shut up.

I'm with Valenti and Associates.

Okay, well, I don't know.

This is Cobra Security.

Exactly.

And I don't know any Valenti and whatever.

Let me speak to the Baroness, please, because you people will look, you know,

for the third time the zone alarm keeps going off in Zone 2.

This is Cobra Security.

Exactly, yes, Cobra Security.

So you're both in the wrong place.

You guys are on contract.

Excuse me?

You're in violation of contract, sir.

Who?

The phone?

You're in violation of contract.

I'm a 60-year-old woman, and I'm in.

Okay, well, you folks.

And I don't know anything about Zone 2 or anything else.

Well, I'm going to speak to her.

Or any of this customer you're talking about.

You're in violation of the contract unless you do something about Zone 2 immediately, sir.

Whatever.

There it goes again.

Hello, sir.

In the middle of lighting my cigar, we got a voicemail, a legitimate voicemail here from those folks with the security company.

Let's go ahead and listen to that.

53 seconds long.

Let's take a listen to that, everybody.

Enjoy.

Told you they'd bite.

Yes.

My name is Paul Groman.

I'm calling from the law attorney office of Michael Douglas.

listen and um well uh my client um just uh received a prank phone call um and she's been

receiving this for months being harassed and uh well i'm just uh calling to let y'all know that

if uh one more harassment comes through um i will be filing papers to um to press charges for phone

harassment um and i would like uh somebody i'm sure y'all have caller id and um and i heard um

I heard everything that you said to my client, and it was extremely rude.

And charges will be pressed if one more phone call comes through.

Wait a minute.

So if I call, he wants me to call him back, but I'll press charges.

He's a trap.

Yes, hi.

I'm calling for a status on Zone 2, please.

Okay, look, sir, this is the owner of a security company.

Yes, ma'am.

You're calling from, no, no, this is a sir.

No, no, no, wait a minute.

I was just talking to you.

You said you were a six-year-old.

I apologize.

No, no, no.

That was my mom.

I am the owner of the company.

I am 30.

My name...

I am the owner...

What is the deal, sir?

You're under contract to come out of here and secure zone two immediately.

Send your son or send yourself over here, old sir, and get over here and fix the problem.

Well, could you tell me where we're supposed to go?

Valente Associates on...

Well, I don't know any Valente Associates.

Valente and...

You don't even know how to speak English, right?

Is there an American I can speak to, please?

Could you spell it to me, please?

Valente, V-A-L-E-N-T-E, and ass, O-C-S.

I don't have a customer like that.

You're under contract.

It says right here, Cobra Security, my paper machine.

God damn it.

Let me speak to Destro.

What is the address or phone number?

I don't know any customer, Valente, anything else.

Let me speak with the Cobra commander, please.

There is no commander.

I'm the owner.

Can you put the Cobra commander back on the line, please?

That was my son.

He's in the car with me, and he's mad because you're unreasonable.

He's a bad worker.

That's why.

We're not under any kind of contract with anybody of Valencia anything.

Valente and Associates.

Get my name right.

Valente.

It doesn't matter.

We don't have a customer like that.

You come out here.

I'm calling the police.

Do what?

There it is again.

Someone else.

Okay.

I don't understand.

Where are you located?

You.

Valente and Associates.

I know where I'm located.

Disgusting woman.

What do you want, sir?

I need you to get these Mexicans off of Zone 2 immediately.

Okay, where is Zone 2?

Zone 2 is on the second floor.

It's a secured room.

I don't have any buildings, sir.

I don't have any buildings that are customers.

What do you secure, whorehouses?

You know, I don't know who you are.

Get off my phone.

Get off my phone, old sir, right now.

Who called me?

I'm going to call the police, and you know what?

I already called the police on you because you're in violation of contract.

That's all it is.

Oh, good.

Go for you.

There it is.

Police is after us.

As now being traced by AT&T Security and Cloud Tracing Network,

you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

All right, good deal.

Corporal Commander is after us, everybody.

Good deal, fucker.

All right, everybody.

Madhouse Radio is back on the air live from Lopez Cigar and Bar.

I don't know when this fucking place gets quiet.

They get a lot of beer here going on.

There's a lot of drunk people.

There was just a fight.

The cops got called outside.

Milkman, it's fucking nuts here, bro.

I don't know what the fuck I just got myself into

They're all looking at me like

There's this Puerto Rican

He was telling me before he was Italian or something

His name is Harshit

Harshit

H-A-R-S-H-I-T is his name

I looked at his license

I'm like, your name is Harshit?

He's like, no motherfucker, it's Harshit

It's Harshit

you got to a fight with some black dude outside i think you got his ass kicked the cops got called

and everything is still out there it's like i see blue lights outside right now it's fucking nuts

madhouse radio live in orlando we're here on the bar called the lopez cigar bar and grill

they've been they actually the guy's a friend of mine and he bought this place here a few months

ago and he wanted me to come in and he's it's actually been quite popular there's a lot of

people listening to our prank calls. They're listening on

a 20 second delay. We're having a good

time over here. We're counting down.

It's our 4th year anniversary show. 4 years

on the air. I'm going to say what's up

to Mr. Rorak in the house. What's up, bro?

Man, you should come hang out

one day, man. Anyway,

I think we've lost the

ability to make outbound calls right now.

So I don't think we can do any more live prank calls.

We're just going to finish up. We've got 3 prank calls

up in the best of the year. So we're going to knock

those out of here and we're going to call it a night.

While we're out of here, let's

Let's move on here.

Number three.

Number three here, Milkman, you were talking about this.

This one is called I Need an Address.

This is the same vein as those alarm calls.

This one.

So just explain what happened here.

Let me try to move away from this fucking crowd.

I think it might be a little better now.

Anyway, I'm over here in the corner.

I'm over here in the corner next to the big red water pipe.

Don't you love water pipes?

Okay, anyway, I'm drunk.

The number three pipe called...

I love water pipes.

All right, now...

Do you have the right thing in it?

Milkman, I know you know this one.

Tuck was around for this one here when we were doing this one live.

The number three prank call needed an address.

This is one of those Monday morning prank calls.

And in this one here, I decided that I was doing my regular prank calls to job offering ads in the newspaper,

and I got through to a regular answering machine, and I hacked it.

I put in the access code.

I guessed it.

It was all zeros or all ones or something like that.

So I got to listen to all the messages of, like, 30 people who left a message for this guy looking for a job for a body shop.

So in the process, I got a hold of one guy called Alfredo or Berto, something like that.

I got his phone number.

He was trying to get a job.

And I called him back as the guy.

And keep in mind what I do, since I have the ability to spoof my caller ID,

I spoofed the caller ID calling this guy back as the number that he had called out of the newspaper earlier in the day.

And left an answer machine, you know, left a mess on the answer machine to get a job.

So as far as this guy knows, he's looking at his phone rings, and he looks at his phone,

and the call ID shows the guy that he called a few hours ago for a job.

This guy's calling him back, so he's all like, oh my God, I'm going to get the fucking job.

This guy wants to do an interview.

And it progresses from there.

So this one is called I Need an Address, the number three call of the last, of the season three.

Fuck.

there's a job here for a body shop helper uh it says call tony unavailable to take your call

please leave a message press one to play messages press two twenty two messages message one good

morning i'm calling in regards to the body shop help 12 15 a.m sunday and i spoofed the number is

the the guy with the job offer so this would be quite confusing may i speak with robert please

There is no Robert at this number.

I'm returning a number for Mr. Robert Roberto regarding a job.

This is Tony.

Oh, no, this is Alberto.

Alberto, how are you doing there, buddy?

I'm doing good, sir.

So how can I help you?

I saw your ad in the newspaper this morning.

How good are you with the car machines?

With the car machines, the frame straightening machine?

Yes, straightening the machine.

Well, I haven't worked very much on that aspect of the body shop.

I worked for everybody.

We used wet sanding, detailing, preparation for returning of the cars.

That was my main line, installing door panels back,

putting the cars back to their aspen.

You know what?

You got it, man.

Come on down to the shop.

When do you want to start?

Tomorrow, Monday through Friday?

I'm game.

Where are you at?

You tell me and I'll get there.

Come on down to the shop tomorrow, bring your papers with you, and we'll start.

All right.

9 a.m.

You can wear jeans, but we prefer a collared shirt.

Uh-huh.

Okay?

Okay.

All right, Alberto.

We'll see you then.

Like a polo shirt, a three-button shirt?

Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

All right.

Give me an address.

All right.

We'll see you then.

Thank you, Alberto.

Give me an address.

Okay.

You got it.

All right.

Hello.

You got that 9 a.m.?

9 a.m. where?

At the shop.

Where is the shop?

It's in Orlando.

Give me an answer.

You got it.

All right, Alberto, we'll see you tomorrow at 9 a.m.

Hold on, hold on.

Okay.

Hello.

I'm looking forward to this.

Thank you very much.

It came down between you and me.

We had a girl, a girl, Roberta and Alberto.

I think we'd rather go with the guy.

Yes, I'm here.

Hello.

Can you hear me?

I can hear you.

Come down to the shop, sir.

All right.

Tell me where the shop is.

I don't know where the shop is.

The fire alarm is going off.

Hello.

There's a fire alarm going off.

Hang on.

Okay.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

9 a.m., you got it?

But you got to tell me where the shop is.

I don't know where the shop is.

At the shop, this is downtown.

Downtown where?

Give me an address.

There's a fire alarm.

Hang on.

I'm going to go outside so you can hear me, all right?

I need an address.

Okay, you ready?

You got the shop, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. tomorrow.

Three-button polo down the street.

I need an address.

Okay.

I need an address.

Oh, you need the address.

You need the address.

Yeah, I need an address.

All right, it's 122, 122.

I'm sorry, we got a problem.

They're doing a test on the fire alarm, and it keeps going off.

I hear it. I hear it.

All right, it's 122 Southwest Downtown.

Southwest what?

122 Southwest.

We'll see you at 9 a.m. You got it.

I didn't get that. I didn't get the address.

We got it. I got you. You got it. We got it.

I didn't get the address. Oh, come on.

I can't hear you.

Hello?

What is that noise?

I don't know. Let me call you back. Is this Tony?

This is Tony, yeah.

Let me call you back because I'm getting some noise on the line.

Is the fire alarm going off?

Okay, what's the address again?

One twenty-two what?

Southwest on Best Street.

I get that.

Sir, you know what?

Forget it.

If you can't write down directions to forget, it's just not going to work out.

Oh, you're playing with me, man.

Good night.

What's the address?

I'm going to call Roberto, all right?

What's the address?

You're not giving me the address.

I thought I meant to call Robert.

I meant to call Rob, but not Alberto.

I made a mistake.

Oh, come on, man.

I'm going to call Robert.

What's the address?

I'm calling Robert.

No, no, no, no.

Forget it.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is not going to work out.

Oh, you're playing with me, man.

Why you call me to play with me?

I got to go.

That's it.

I'm calling Robert.

No.

All right.

Good luck, man.

You too.

Bye-bye.

That's a horrible thing.

It's so bad.

I'm going to hell.

I don't know.

That's not good.

I feel really embarrassed right now with myself.

That's not good at all.

All right, everybody.

I love that one.

That's one of my favorite ones.

It's bad.

You know, it is kind of bad to do shit like that, but come on, man.

You know the guy you sound like you're talking to?

Who?

You sound like the guy that we tried to call, oh, shit, oh, God.

Oh, man.

Pasquale.

You sound like the guy.

Pasquale.

Dude.

You sound like Pasquale, doesn't it?

You reminded me.

I got to play that.

I got to play that prank call.

That's the first...

Whoa, I'm drunk.

That's the first prank call

we ever did on the show.

We ever did on the show.

Are you?

Yeah.

I'm a bar drunk.

Where is Pasquale?

I think we're just

there to smoke cigars.

Milkman, you remember

the story.

Hey, hey, Mommy.

Tuck, you weren't around

for this,

and this is where me

and Milkman fell in love.

This is our first...

My first prank call

to show Where is Pasquale?

The very first call

that I ever attempted.

Yeah, yeah.

And it went right through...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I remember this guy.

He's a listener, man.

And as I always say...

I was a listener from the beginning, man.

This is the first prank call we ever did on the Man House radio show

way back in July of 2005, and it was a ballpark hit.

Here we go.

Where is Pasquale?

Just for Milkman.

I know it's one of his favorites.

Let's play that here.

We always play this every anniversary show.

The first prank call we ever did.

Following is an exclusive DCU radio show.

DCU radio.

DCU is dead.

Bitch, speak English, America.

Yeah, you son of a bitch, you motherfucking...

Motherfucker, you, I'm gonna speak Spanish.

I know, you speak, you speak English, I see.

Motherfucker, you motherfucker.

Ah, go ahead, man.

You other bitch.

Motherfucker, you.

You bitch.

Don't never, don't never call again to these four, man.

Mo' my lord, mo' my lord.

You motherfucker.

Why are you so angry?

But what's my quality?

Fuck you, man.

You've just been listening to a sample of...

Gotta get a move

Get a fucking out of me

Yeah

Alright so that's

That's the original best quality show

That's the original break all the best quality

Oh man I'm so fucked up right now

I'm so sorry everybody

I probably shouldn't be talking cursing like this

There's cops around they don't seem to care

The way that guy talks, though, man, he could barely get his words out, man.

He must have been really, really, really, man, like, a lot of tequila and some shit, yeah, man.

Yes, Tam, I want to just say, everybody, I love Tam-a-lam-a-rama.

Tam-a-lam-a-rama has a nice chest.

I think she has beautiful eyes and a nice complexion.

And I would have sexual relations with her.

Tam-a-lam-a-rama, that was a good thing.

Yes, sir.

Tam-a-banana-rama.

I love banana-rama.

Banana-rama.

All right.

All right, shut up, Milkman.

Why are you making fun of the Tamra Lamoran before, man?

That's a good girl.

Anyway.

She's hot, man.

Come on, man.

We've got to keep her smiling.

Thank God I've got a DD here, Big Will.

You know, remember Will?

He's over here helping out with the show tonight.

I don't think you guys can hear him, but Will's in the house.

What's up, Will?

Say hi.

Good morning.

I don't think you guys can hear him, but Will's hanging out with his afro in the background,

helping us out with the show tonight.

It's a big deal.

Yeah, Will, man.

How's it going?

Yeah, Big Will.

He's been with us for a while now.

Now, we're here live at Lopez Cigar Bar and Grill.

We're getting ready to wrap things up here.

It's already late, and I think closing time should be coming up here pretty soon.

So people here are going to start getting their last drink, especially the lady.

The big lady girl is over here.

What's going on?

I understand they're getting $1.

Anything they want for $1, Milkman.

Can you believe it?

They get a whole pitcher of beer if they want it for $1.

Oh, hell.

Yeah, man.

Man, tell them to get us some cruisers and cokes, man.

Twist of the time.

I'm presuming that they're giving me all this beer that I'm drinking for free.

I've never had to pay for a drink here at Lopez's before, so I'm presuming that's what the case is.

I'm on beer number eight at this point.

I'm thinking I'm going to spend the night here.

Anyway, so, moving on.

We've lost the ability to make outbound prank calls, so no more live prank calls tonight.

I'm going to thank Lonesome Loser, my brother man.

I love you so much.

I wish you could have made it to the wedding.

I also wish Milkman could have made it to the wedding.

But, yeah, Lonesome Loser sent us a lot of numbers.

We did as many calls as we could.

Thank you very much, man.

Lonesome Loser, we could not have gone three years without you.

We're going into our fourth year.

Oh, hell no, man.

The heart is working, man.

Everyone take a shot or take a drink right now for Lonesome Loser, the man himself.

You're the man.

Here, here, here, man.

You're here, legend.

All right.

So we just got off the line a little bit earlier with Reclude.

Reclude is the winner of the best guest caller again two years in a row.

Last year, he went for the best new character, Richie Randall.

This one, as a matter of fact.

Now, this call here was on Thanksgiving.

You know, not everybody had the itis, so to say.

We were all drunk and turkeyed out.

What was that, tryptophan?

Is that what's in that turkey stuff?

Where we're all bloated and shit.

And Carlito, of course, on a Thursday night, as always, for Thanksgiving.

You know, Milkman, you and I, we decided to come on the air and do a quick show.

we always have fun

the funny thing is with the Thanksgiving shows

usually ends up me being really

drunk and bloated

eating a lot of carbs

and I end up farting

I usually do a few fart calls where I actually fart into the phone

well anyway here me and Reclude

you know we're calling around some places

on Thanksgiving and we find a salvage yard

and well

Reclude just takes it away

this probably should have been the best call

of the year

the best calls, there's two calls

as a matter of fact, this is 14 minutes long

so I want to apologize ahead of time, but this is

really good the whole way around

14 minutes will go by and you won't even notice

it, when we come back we'll do the number

one call and get out of here, but

for reasons I'll explain earlier

this call is only the number

two call of the year

but regardless, here we go, out of the best of

prankdown, the number two

Salvage Carl Yards by

Reclude, Richie Randall here on 98.6

the mouth oh hell yeah we'll be right back in a moment enjoy this is prank call gold right here

and i also wanted to note and let you guys know that there is a new prank call cd coming out from

madhouse radio pretty soon and uh more than likely this will be featured on it that's going to come

out in august um i don't know the title actually the title is going to be how much are your spaces

i think msc3 clay or someone else like that give us that idea uh for that for the for the title

good idea but anyway here we go number two richie randall's salvage call from thanksgiving 2008

hey sir are you guys going to salvage yard pardon hello you guys want a salvage yard out there with

cars yeah okay well listen my girlfriend seen took my car out there we i just got a divorce

from my ex and i think my car's out there i think she was going to put it through the crosser she

was talking about what's going on pardon she was going to put it through the crosser out there

So I just want to make sure it's not there, you know what I mean?

Because she said she was going out to Sag Nasties and going to put it in the crusher.

You guys got, like, a magnet and a big crusher out there or something?

Maybe she's lying, but I just want to make sure.

Well, no, I have a crusher come in about a year.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

When did it come in last?

Oh, it's been a while.

What kind of car was it?

Oh, it was a Buick.

It's got off my mom.

She put that goddamn thing down there.

I'll tell you what.

But I just want to come down here and make sure it's not there, you know.

I mean, when's the last time the crusher was here?

Maybe you got it in there in your lodge.

Yeah, it's been over a year.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay, well, that's good.

I mean, it's only been a couple weeks.

But how often do you get cars in there?

Well, I get cars in there all the time.

What's that?

Your Buick and Model.

Listen, I know you got it.

Listen, I mean, I know you're just trying to jerk me around, so listen, let's get to the point.

No, no, I'm not trying to jerk you around.

I'm trying to see whether I have it or not.

I'm just, that's fine, but listen, I'm going to come down because I just opened a door for me.

You got a gate down there or something?

Where are you guys off of?

No, I'm not opening it tonight.

You got off of Highway 5, or where are you guys at?

We're off of Highway 2, but I'm not opening it tonight.

Highway 2, okay, that's close enough.

Well, listen, I'll just stop by because I really need that car.

I mean, she's, you know, I know my wife's got it down there.

Well, she'll be wasting your time because I won't let you back there tonight.

What's that?

You come around tomorrow in the daylight hours after 10.

I can't wait, John.

I've got to go to my parents' because I'm late for Thanksgiving.

So I'll be right down.

My name is Richie Randall.

Well, I'm not going to let you in the backfield.

What's that?

You're going to be wasting your time because I'm not going to be opening the gate.

Well, this doesn't matter.

I'm going to get in.

I'm like my guy.

No, you're not.

Don't sit here and threaten me on the phone.

I'm not threatening.

I'm just going to come into my car.

It's my car.

Listen, it's my goddamn car.

I'm going to come get it.

And nobody's going to stop me because I'm Richie Randall.

Do you know who I am?

Who?

You ever heard of Richie Randall?

Yeah, I've heard of you.

Exactly.

So I'm coming down to get my car.

But it's not going to hear me, Annie.

I'm not going to hear that.

No, it doesn't matter.

I'm just trying to say that I've got connections with the mayor.

I don't give a damn what connections you have.

I know his street supervisor.

I'm trying to be nice to you now, and now you're starting to piss me off.

Well, listen, I don't have time for this.

I need my Buick, and I'm going to my mommy's house.

and nobody's going to stop me.

I'm going to be right down there, and I'm not trying to get violent.

I'm not a violent person.

What was your name again, Richie?

I'm a musician, and I don't get violent.

What was your name again?

Do you have a junkyard dog in there?

Because my name is Richie Randall.

What was your name again?

What was your name?

Richie Randall.

God damn it.

Richie Randall.

And I'll be right down there, and we're going to get my Buick,

and I'll pay you $100, and that's final.

There's nothing going to happen.

All right, whatever, then we'll have a problem.

Well, that's fine.

We'll have a problem.

I'm going to jump the gate or something.

I mean, you better not have no junkyard dog or I'll sue you.

My daddy's a lawyer.

You better open that goddamn gate.

You better be worried about me.

Well, I tell you what, I ain't worried about nothing because I got a can of mace.

And if you come after me, I'll mace you, and I'm going to run in your gate.

I'm going to get my car, and I'm going to bust you in the gate because nobody's stopping me.

I'm going home.

That's good.

He's like, don't get what he's saying.

Don't get rude to me.

Yeah, he's like, he's like, he heard it.

I must be, Richie must be famous.

Yeah, yeah, he knows you too.

He's like, yeah, I know, I know you.

Yeah, all right.

Let me help you.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Have you guys got a Buick in there?

Pardon?

My brother, my brother Richie's got a Buick in there,

and I just want to know if I can come pick it up.

Well, nobody's coming here tonight.

I've already told him that.

I've been really nice, and I'm really.

Listen.

Don't like to search today.

My brother, Richie, and he's really sad.

Well, if he comes up here, he's going to jail.

No, it doesn't matter.

He can keep his ass away from you because if he comes up here tonight, he's going to jail.

Our dad's a lawyer.

It doesn't matter.

Nobody's going to jail.

We've got enough money to pay anybody off.

Well, I don't want enough of you trading me and my dog.

No, I'm not trying to.

We just want to get to Buick.

No, no, he lives.

It's okay.

Listen, it's okay.

We're just going to come and get to Buick.

No.

Nobody's trying to beat us.

No, you're not coming up here tonight.

It's okay.

I'm telling you, Ben.

Just like I told him, my business hours are from 10 o'clock tomorrow.

Let us in the door.

It's okay.

Just open the gate.

You call up before you come.

No, nobody says anything.

We're just going to open the gate for you.

It's okay.

No.

Everybody be happy.

All right.

Just open the gate now.

All right.

This is the only way I'll do it.

Are you listening to me?

Okay, yeah.

You call the sheriff's office.

You come up here with a deputy.

They will go into the backfield.

But if you show up without a deputy, somebody's going to jail.

Bill, do you understand me?

Okay, yeah.

Hey, I don't like being threatened.

I don't like my dog being threatened.

My buddy, I'll tell you what.

What about a city cop?

Well, there ain't no city cop that will come out here because Newport is the sheriff's department.

You'll have to call and make a case.

Well, actually, my sister is a state trooper, so maybe she can come out.

But listen, it's okay.

Just open the gate for us, okay?

I want a uniformed officer in a patrol car.

It's going to be okay.

If there's not, then I'm going to have my gun in my hand.

Do I make myself clear?

And I will not take any crap.

And I will not be thrashed.

I got Kevlar.

I used to live in England.

I don't give a damn what you got, mister.

I don't know what the problem is between your brother and his girlfriend,

but it's not something that's worth all this bullshit.

You follow me?

Listen.

Listen, you come up here in a peaceful mood with an officer, and I'll go in there tonight,

and I'm going out of my way for this.

That's what's going to happen.

But if you don't show up with an officer, you're going to get turned around or go to jail.

Holy shit.

No, we're not going to jail.

We've got a connection.

So, listen, let me just spell it out for you, buddy.

Let me spell it out for you.

What's going to happen is my ex and this, all right, I blew my cover.

It doesn't matter.

it what's going to happen is you're coming down and we're going to get my buick i'm telling you

i'm telling you that's exactly what's going to happen i mean and nobody's going to get hurt okay

i tell you i got a i got a mace and i got a kevlar nobody's shooting me all right and i got

i got a doberman pinch or two or something and you don't need to see it it'll be in the car

fine you come up that driveway without an officer with you and i'm going to start shooting immediately

Do I make myself clear and I don't give a fuck if I kill you or not?

Do you understand me?

What do you want to be angry for?

I don't understand, man.

You want me to be angry?

Jesus Christ, your brother threatened me and now you're threatening me and I'm not supposed to get angry?

Bless him, buddy.

You don't come to my house and do this kind of shit.

You want to be civilized?

Fine.

If you don't want to be civilized and you want to come up here and threaten me, I'm going to start shooting.

Holy shit.

I survived this.

No, I'm goddammit.

I just survived this.

So if you want to have it out, you just come up here and threaten me.

That's all it's going to take.

I'm a fast runner.

Every vehicle I have on this property, I have paperwork for.

Well, jeez, you say to Christ, you don't have to be an asshole.

No, you're the one that's being the asshole threatening me with mace and a fucking dog and shooting me and shit,

just like your fucking brother.

I suggest you wait until daylight because you don't want to come up here now because I don't give a damn.

No matter how, I don't give a fuck if you bring the whole damn State Patrol office

and every officer in the goddamn state up here with you.

You're not going to be allowed to be on this property.

Period.

Well, Jesus Christ.

Do I make myself clear now?

You don't have to be an asshole.

I'm going to come.

You know what?

I think that's bullshit.

I totally think you're bluffing.

I'm just going to go get my Buick, okay?

And nobody's going to do anything.

Well, you can come up here and try it because I've already got the Sheriff's Department on their way up here.

Oh, bullshit.

What'd you do?

Would you instant message them on the Internet?

That's bullshit.

Would you get him on the CB?

No, I called him.

If you want to come up to his driveway, be my guest.

When's your fucking call?

I mean, what'd you call him?

Would you send him a telegram?

Would you sell him a telegram?

Stop.

Richie Randolph's about to get his Buick.

Stop.

Please come soon.

Stop.

I mean, what are you going to do, buddy?

Can you wrestle?

I'm done talking.

State camping.

You're not welcome on this property.

You're not welcome on this property, nor is your brother.

I don't give a shit.

I don't want you to come on this property.

You're going to jail.

And if you come up here tonight, it's going to make it even a hell of a lot of money.

I tell you what, you think I'm leaving without my Buick.

You're crazy, man.

Francine's not doing anything to me.

I know you're always getting cold.

You think I have your Buick?

You wish.

Jesus Christ.

It's stage 7.

Come up here like a man.

It's stage 7, asshole.

It's stage 7.

Don't come up here like an asshole.

Don't come up here like an asshole and threatening me.

God damn it.

If I have your vehicle, it'll still goddamn well be here tomorrow.

It ain't going anywhere.

Yeah, well, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm just going to come as a pizza delivery guy.

That's all I'm going to come as.

You're not going to know what it is.

And then I'm going to run and get my Buick.

No, you're not.

You're goddamn right.

If I have that vehicle back there, it is there tonight.

It will not go anywhere tonight.

I'll guarantee you that.

Shit.

I'm going to get crushed right now.

You want to come up here with an officer?

Fine.

Fine, but I want that officer's vehicle in front and have them call me before they come up my driveway.

Because if a vehicle comes up my driveway and I don't recognize it as an officer, I'm going to consider it you.

And whoever's in that vehicle is going to have a gun pointed at them, and I'll be mean in business.

That's bullshit.

Do I make myself clear?

You just pissed off, and that's bullshit.

You know goddamn well.

I got every right to be pissed off.

You know goddamn well you're not going to shoot anybody.

Well, that's it, boy.

I caught your bluff.

I got you.

I know you're not going to shoot anybody.

I'm just going to drive right up that fucking shit.

I'm going to open the gate.

I've never even been here.

I don't give a shit.

I'm just going to go, and I'm going to get my car.

I mean, you can't take it from me legally.

I got the title.

It's not even in the glove box.

I got you.

You think you can take it from me?

You think you have the legal rights?

You don't come up here without a deputy.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'll come there with a safety town police officer.

If you make any moves that I think is threatening, I will shoot.

Oh, boy.

First it's coming to the driveway.

Now it's to make a threatening move.

What's next, huh?

Just getting out of your goddamn car is going to be enough for me.

Just getting out of your car is going to be enough for me.

That's right.

You think you're a tough guy?

Tell you what, why don't you fight like a man?

You have your gun on you.

I mean, seriously, you want to wrestle?

You want to wrestle, buddy?

No, so I'll take care of you for three years.

I'll just kill you.

I'll just as soon kill you and get it over with.

That's bullshit.

I don't want to be fighting on the goddamn ground with people anymore.

So I'll just kill you.

There ain't going to be no fist fight.

I guarantee you that.

Now, you want to come up my driveway and threaten me?

You know, Kong Fu, I guarantee you don't.

Neither do I.

It's bullshit.

You know what?

Guns equal pussy other than the army or hunting.

I tell you that.

That's what it means.

Your brother's name is...

Guns is pussy.

I tell you what.

name what's your name my name is grissy randall cliff randall god damn it my name is grissy

randall and i'm tired of this shit i'm getting my car i'm just gonna drive right up your fucking

driveway and if you don't like it you call the cops and they're gonna be right by my side and

we're gonna get your goddamn car we're going home we're going to see mommy and we're fucking 10

hours late and it's bullshit nobody's getting in my way i tell you what i got a kevlar i got mace

To place a call, press 1

To listen to

Oh my god

That is the prank of the year

So far

That is a great prank

That is a great set of pranks

The whole time he thought you were still the brother

Cause he was actually

What a dumb fuck

What's your brother's name, Richie Randall

What a dumb fuck

All I did was

He kind of sounds like

California guy

Oh, fucker, shit, don't play number one yet, anyway, was I wearing a flower shirt?

No, I wasn't wearing a flower, I like flower shirts, high five, but I, I don't, I wasn't

wearing a flower shirt, the sheriff says if I was a hottest, he's, he's making a nasty

comment, if I was a hottest guy, dude, it was a bunch, it was a bunch of fucking, it

was, I went to the strip club for my bachelor party thing in Atlantic City with Andy, the

home, former co-host of the show, it was nothing but a bunch of hosiers and, and

and these Indian people hanging out, like, staring at women.

I was like, what the fuck?

I'm just chilling there in the cut,

and the hookah horse started coming up to me,

chilling all nice, like, hey, what's up, baby?

How you doing?

Yeah, it is damn.

Atlantic City's very crappy.

I wasn't very impressed with the place.

It wasn't, you know, it wasn't a big deal.

Um, I don't recommend it, but whatever.

I guess if you live in New York or somewhere to go,

New Jersey or something like that.

Anyway, the last prank call.

This is the number one prank.

Now, Tuck and Milkman, I wanted to bring this up, guys, gentlemen.

You remember what the biggest event probably of the year was in a moment?

Yes, yes, yes.

We all kind of forgot about it, but you remember when the show got...

You remember when we did the calls, and Rickley brought this up,

we did the prank calls to the anger management line, and it was a bunch of bullshit.

So, anyway, Lonesome Looters...

Oh, right.

I mean, honestly, the last calls that we played, the Richie Randall Savage,

those were awesome pranks, and they probably should have really deserved the number one pranks of the year,

I'll be honest with you.

I gave you the cred on the streets.

Exactly, the cred.

But you can't deny that this was probably the biggest event of the year.

Now, keep in mind, this was a few months ago.

Maybe around eight months ago or so.

Six, seven, six months ago.

I do a prank call.

We're doing a regular Madhouse show.

And we get to this anger management line that Lonesome Loser sends to me.

And sure enough, this lady is just out of nowhere.

where she goes ballistic on me we prank call her she freaks out i guess she's apparently she's

friends with a cop or has a connection with the police locally or something like that whatever it

is and really quickly with some fucking bullshit she gets into some fucking shit traces gets our

number traced over to the local police 911 by the time but by the by 15 minutes after you hear the

The last call that we do here, my house gets raided by the police.

We got shut down.

My computer got taken away from me.

Oh, my God.

It was a big shutdown, dude.

Almost two fucking weeks.

It's fucking nuts because all anybody knew was that me, I was doing a show,

and I said, something's going on over here.

We're going to take a break, and it's silence for, like, days on the station.

So, to be honest with you, yeah, the police knock on the door.

I open the door.

They come in.

They ask me, yeah, we got a report of a violent, threatening call from here.

What are you doing?

I'm like, I'm doing a prank call podcast.

I'm recording it.

You mean all the, they took my two computers from here.

They started searching through the house.

They took a bunch of shit out of my house.

They take me to the police station here on 33rd Street here in Orlando.

I spent the night there, they didn't, they left me sit in this fucking 30 degree fucking interrogation room for like 5 hours until they talked to me, and then they end up letting me go, they keep my computer over the weekend, and I'm freaking out, I miss a day of work, I gotta explain to my boss, yeah, um, I did a prank call last night, and they arrested me, they didn't technically, they didn't arrest me, they just brought me in for, they brought me in for questioning,

They've read me my rights, but they said they weren't arresting me, but they did read me my rights.

And in the end, they ended up, you know, dropping all the charges and this and that.

So anyway, so this is the...

Dude, man, you were so fucking lucky, dude.

I can't believe they had you handcuffed to the table for that long, man.

Fucking nuts, man.

I didn't get handcuffed to the...

I never got handcuffed at all, but I did have to take a ride in a police squad car all the way down to Orlando.

There were like 10 cops out here in front of the condo that I live in.

So, like, my neighbors are looking at the windows and standing outside wondering what happened to Carlito.

What the fuck?

Did he beat up his fiancée?

Thank God it was you that was out front, man.

He didn't even fucking warn you.

Yeah, it's fucking bullshit.

Yeah, so this is bullshit.

Yeah, the cops showed up because of this here.

It's fucking nuts.

I hope you all enjoy this.

This is the number one prank call of the year.

Oh, I heard this call a while.

It's a series of four calls.

The first two calls are me.

The third one you're going to hear is the voicemail that they leased back for me.

And the fourth one is Hollywood Vanya, who is a cool-ass guy.

Thank you very much for his help throughout the season that we had here with the prank call,

you know, isolating prank calls and posting them for us.

Everyone, be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

Check out our forums where you can hear these prank calls and a lot of other ones.

Anyway, listen to this.

The best prank call of the year, or the best series of prank calls.

This is the anger management calls, a.k.a. the raid calls that got me arrested.

But we're still here.

We survived.

We'll be right back to wrap things up in just a moment.

Thank you, folks.

Thank you, Lord.

Crisis line, may I help you?

How are you doing?

I'm good.

How can I help you?

I'm good.

Do you folks offer solutions or do you just offer referrals?

We offer referrals, but we don't.

We can't really offer.

I hear it.

It sounds like there's children.

It sounds like there's children in the background.

What kind of place is this?

Sir, can I help you?

Are there children in the background?

Sir, I'm in an office and I'm watching the TV, so that's really not the relevance.

Can I help you with that?

I don't think so.

Are you one of those answering services where you answer from home and you're, like, taking my information

and there's children around looking at the information?

I heard a baby in the back of the room going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Crap is what does it to me.

People like you bring those stupid kids to my job.

I may help you.

You tell those motherfuckers in the fucking background to shut the fuck up and take down my information.

I'm the person.

I am.

Why don't you call me a motherfucker?

You motherfucker.

You do not call this line and drop like that.

As a matter of fact, don't call back again.

You piece of trash.

I've got your phone number.

I've got your number.

I've got two numbers that you just called from.

I'm going to report them to the police.

I'm blocking my number.

You don't have my number.

I'm blocking it, you stupid bitch.

I'm blocking it.

Yes, I do.

I've got two of them.

I have two of them.

You called from one of the first ones and one from another.

You don't have shit.

No, you don't.

I'm blocking my number.

I'm going to call you back right now.

I'm going to have you fired.

Just want to confirm that this is a number that called, placed a call,

a violent call to a hotline earlier,

and we will be looking at the phone number, and we will further investigate.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Oh, no, violent call.

She said she's confirming it's the number that left the violent call.

This line may help you.

Yes, ma'am.

My name is Summer, and I just got an emergency call from my office line.

Okay.

I'm sorry?

I guess somebody called from there, something about a violent call.

Yes, yes.

Who was the person that, I'm sorry, first of all, is this your business?

Yes, ma'am.

This is your business.

This is my business.

And who is the person that's on the voicemail of your business?

I don't have any idea who you're talking about, ma'am.

Okay, but I'm asking you, when I called the number and I left a message,

there's a male's voice that's answering.

Is that one of your coworkers or associates?

That is actually the company that we go through our voicemail for.

They do our, we pay them to do the voicemail.

The gentleman who answered and said, this is someone, this is his name, and this is,

I mean, that gentleman is just an answering service?

It's an answering service, yes, ma'am.

It's actually a voicemail answering service.

I don't know.

Okay.

I don't, I know.

Hold on a second.

I understand you can tell me that you don't understand.

It doesn't matter.

It's out of my hands now.

I've already reported the phone number.

If they investigate and I was incorrect, then so be it.

But it was my responsibility to report the phone number that I received an extremely hostile call from the mail

that actually is the same voice that answered that number.

And it was a hostile call.

It came from two different phone numbers.

That was the first phone number that it came from.

And he was extremely hostile.

I understand.

And let me just tell you where I'm coming from so that way you know what it is,

and then we'll hang up, and then we can get past it.

I just got woken up knowing nothing that's going on.

Please do not yell at me, okay?

First off, I need you to tell me.

Oh, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just...

No, you're yelling at me.

Okay, ma'am, I'm running a business myself here. This is an emergency line.

So I just want to let you know that the number was reported.

If it was done incorrectly, I apologize, but that is the phone number that I received a call from.

What kind of business?

I'm sorry. I said this is an emergency line, and that doesn't matter.

You and I can't spend a lot of time discussing back and forth.

All I can say is I received a hostile call, and I reported it, and that's all I did,

and that's my responsibility.

Now, I'm receiving a hostile call too, ma'am.

No, I didn't.

I just left a voicemail letting you guys know that I did that

and I needed to let you know that I reported the phone number.

I don't know where the organization is.

I don't know what your business is.

I don't know any of that.

I just know that that's where I received the call from.

We run a strip club.

So I was letting you know.

We run a strip club.

I'm sorry?

We run a strip club and there's not hardly any people in here that are hostile

until they get really, really drunk.

It was a mailed voice.

It was the same mail that answered your voicemail.

So if that's an answering service, it's just a little weird that you're answering service the person who,

it literally was the same voice.

That's very strange.

And I received, yeah, it is.

But the most strangest part is that I received the hostile call from somebody from this phone number,

and he was extremely hostile.

I mean extremely, very verbally abusive.

He cursed.

He called me a lot of names.

This is an emergency helpline.

I'm sorry?

What exactly did he say?

Ma'am, I don't talk like that, so I'm not going to say what he said.

I need to know so I can write this down so I can get in touch with us.

He called me a mother effer.

He called me a B word.

Don't use that word on me, ma'am.

How dare you?

I said abbreviate.

I did say mother effer.

Do not use those words with me, ma'am.

Okay, ma'am, I'm sorry, but I think you, I did not use it.

You're so wrong.

I think you're trying to put me in trouble.

You could have said MF.

No.

Bye-bye now, ma'am.

You could have said MF.

I think you're trying to put me in trouble.

I'm going to call and report you now.

Now I'm calling to report you.

I'm going to report you now that there's a female calling.

Yes, because you are doing the same.

Bye-bye now.

Bye-bye.

I'll kill you.

She just began to the very end.

That's funny now.

All right, everybody.

Thank you.

That is the number one prank calls.

Prank calls segment of the year.

Your management calls that got me in trouble.

Yes, the police fucking...

Dude, that one there had us sweating, man.

I was afraid you were fucking not going to get out of jail, man.

Police showed up here around 12.30 a.m.

The only person that figured something might have been wrong was Hollywood Vanya,

who called Athena around that time, around the next day,

and she told them the whole story.

So, yeah, I'm cool.

It was all good.

But that's really fucked up.

I remember that night, and then you were there, and then you weren't there,

And I thought you had computer trouble and we're sitting here in this team speak waiting on you

I'll milk Amanda strumming on this guitar and shit and do we did it sit there for about an hour. You never came back

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was a silence because I was dealing with the cops the cops were here in my house

You know we're in my house fucking at the house

And Nathena's all pissed off.

I'm out man is doing

this Jimi Hendrix

scales.

And Nathena was all like

this.

On his guitar.

Nathena was like

you motherfucker

I told you this shit

was going to happen one day.

You're fucking doing this shit

was going to get you

in fucking trouble one day.

Blah blah blah blah blah.

But she loves Madhouse Radio so.

Exactly.

I was pretty sure

she was like

you'd go

do it anymore.

I don't know how

she didn't kill me.

I don't know how

she didn't call the

wedding off. But anyway, we're

done. That was a

top ten prank call. We had a pretty good show

tonight.

Despite

all the drama, we had a good show. We did our

top ten prank calls. We also did a few

honorable mentions. We had a recluse.

Sean Ward was on the line tonight.

Lonesome

losers in some numbers. And we did some live

prank calls also. I want to thank everybody

over at All My Lovers. I love

Syndicate Radio. All my homeboys over there.

Of course, I want to give a big special

Special thanks to everyone over at 98.6 ML.

98.6 ML.

Yes, sir.

Those are all my homies over there, too.

And I want to give a thanks to everyone over at madhouselive.com.

Be sure you go over there and check out our forums.

Because in the forums, if you go over to the top prank section or the vault section,

you'll be able to choose a whole selection of fucking prank calls that are fucking good.

Everyone who's here in the bar right now

Be sure you also check out madhouselive.com

When you get home

I got some

I bought a few copies of my CD over here

So if you want to pick them up

Be sure to pick them up also

Thank you

I got a few of those

Fucking greeting, not greeting cards

I got a few of those fucking business cards over there

With the madhouselive.com website and information

Be sure to check those out

And I want to thank everyone who's been with us

Since forever

Milkman, you're one of those lonesome losers

We have a lot of people

Tuck, you've been with us forever

I couldn't do it without you guys

This is why I do it

I want to thank all our podcast listeners

Who've been hanging out with us since forever

We've got more podcast listeners

Than we do live listeners, of course

It's much more convenient to listen on the podcast

Yeah, that's Sergeant Army

Yeah, that's right

Sergeant Army, he's a podcast listener

He made a special exception to make it

Here tonight to the live show

So that's always awesome

I want to thank Crazy Fucker.

He called in tonight also.

I want to thank a lot of people, like, you know, the good, simple people, like Jonathan, MST3 Clay.

We've got a lot of people out there, Maven, people like that, all of you.

I mean, I don't want to go into a whole, I mean, don't get offended if I don't mention you now.

I mean, I'm doing it off the top of my head.

Kokanee for sending in news articles all year long and for more than a year.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I read the reporter.

That's right.

You know, I want to thank people like Brandon Vegas.

I want to thank people like...

Hey, man, remember that one about the cat?

Yeah, all my folks do that, you know.

I love doing this show.

I know a member used to talk about ending the show, you know, in May.

If we were going to come back and do any more, we were going to do any more show.

But sure enough, we came back.

I'm not going anywhere.

As long as Tuck's a resident artist.

That's right, Tuck, for doing all the artwork and all that stuff.

stuff mst3 play is going to start dancing right now he's out there i think he's gone

um but yeah we're done we're over it's over folks we'll do another whole year another five years

we got we got a lot of big plans here for the fourth year so don't go anywhere a new cd is

going to be coming out in about a year i want to thank everybody who bought that cd who bought a

copy for five four ninety nine of that cd that i autographed for you a lot of you people came

that ran the show for a good three or four months.

I never got a copy of that.

You never did get your copy.

And then did Al record.

Don't feel bad, because Milkman has been a VIP longer than that,

and he still hasn't gotten a copy of that.

How long have I waited for Google Voice?

To be honest with you, I think it's about a good two weeks or three

after you send your invite.

It's about two or three weeks before you get that confirmation.

But when you get that confirmation, motherfucker, it feels good.

You're going to love it, man.

It'll be your phone number for life.

Yeah, so no psychic Chuck tonight.

Hey, man, I'll tell you what.

It's been another fucking good year, man.

And I know we've had a lot of fun.

We've had a lot of hard times.

And we've come a long way, brother.

I want to thank you, though.

Bottom of my heart, for us, all of our listeners, we love you.

Every week, reliably, give you smiles free to all of us out there, man.

We love you.

Our gentleman, the man of the madhouse,

Carlito.

And my nico, my brother.

Thank you so much, man.

Thanks, bro.

And that's it.

We're out of here.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thank you, Tucker.

Thank you, Blown Some Lose.

CheckerMike.com.

Go see the blog.

Go see all the artwork.

That's right.

Magic experience is our way since this past year,

and hopefully next year will be another magic experience.

That's right.

Seneca Radio, be sure to stay tuned

ChecoFed's going to be playing some

Sturm Prank calls

I got a link to Hollywood Vanya

uploaded all

the radio calls

over from

Sal and Richard

but I didn't get a chance to load those into the

mixer here

before I left the studio to do the live

show here, and also of course

I almost forgot, I want to thank all the

The good people over here on Lopez Cigar Bar and Grill.

All the ladies are hanging out here having their cheap drinks.

I want to thank Jose Lopez, of course, for hosting us here.

We hope to do this again soon.

Hopefully, it'll be a lot less.

Jose, careful.

Jose.

All right, awesome.

We'll catch you guys here next week, folks.

Thank you very much for tuning in.

See you, Lopez.

It's been emotional, but we love you all.

Bye-bye.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking penis shit!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (25, 1 h 51 min of 3 h 4 min)

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