2009-07-16 Show

Have a nice night.

Wait a minute, what are you doing?

I'm going to put you on hold.

What are you saying?

Are you going to hang up an accident?

Is that what you're saying?

No, sir, I'm going to put you on hold.

I'm not going to let you speak with someone that can further assist you.

Oh, it sounded like you were blowing me off.

No, I just have to say goodbye because that's our routine.

Okay, sweetie.

Okay.

Bye, honey.

Who the fuck is this?

Fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The motherfucking prick!

We're here in Madhouse Radio, live, back on the air.

10-15 p.m. July 16th.

It's a Thursday night.

It is 2009.

This is episode number 12 of Madhouse Radio.

Our 12th episode ever.

I'm so excited about that.

How about you, gentlemen?

I know I am.

Here with me tonight is that one guy, the Milkman.

Happy Rainbow Day.

Milkman is here.

That's right, man.

We just finished up with our Domino's Championship.

ship when we're ready to kick some madhouse sure buddy i think we are ready to kick madhouse ass

as you always add an sh you always have an h to everything everything has an h at the end of it

and milkman's all right everybody want to reach us here tonight you can the toll free line uh is

going to be open later on tonight we'll get that number to you in a moment uh you can head on over

to madhouse radio uh our website madhouse live.com uh you can check out our podcast subscribe

Subscribe to our e-mail newsletter where you receive automatic updates of prank calls and episodes as they are released.

We have the forums there also with a huge extensive list of prank call archives from the Madhouse Radio Show,

including our top prank session.

Be sure to check that over at the forums page over at madhouselive.com.

Of course, we're also on tonight on Syndicate Radio, syndicateradio.tv.

Be sure to go there and do what you're coming for over there.

I'm having some Mountain Dew diet, Mountain Dew, that is.

and um i don't know there's something that's comforting to me i don't know why

i like a nice tall glass with like i want it filled like i think a good ratio is about 70

70 ice in the glass and then fill it with mountain dew and it tastes really good sometimes i might

add a shot of a lime or lemon to it and i recommend that everybody out there you should try

yeah i don't know why something about uh tons of ice with mountain dew i got three i'm very

very tired so i got three mountain dews with me mountain dew sugarless and dr pepper sugarless

are probably the two best sugarless out there mountain dew yeah and milkman you know i don't

know why i was able to find this once or twice but at the cvs here down the way i was able to find uh

caffeine free diet mountain dew and i was excited because this is awesome because i can drink it a

fucking night because you know mountain dew i normally don't drink it after like five six p.m

because it'll keep me up yeah but this is caffeine free so you got to enjoy the wonderful

flavor of diamond do not worry about such an animal yeah and i can't find it i saw it twice

in the store each time i saw it i bought you know an eight pack of it because then these fuckers you

know what they started doing now milkman you know how much they've jacked up the price of canned

colas i don't know if you've noticed this man but remember lord about two years ago you could buy

yourself a 12 pack i don't know how things are in the rest of the country but here in orlando

You used to be able to buy yourself a 12-pack of Coca-Cola canned or Pepsi products canned.

And the going rate for it was probably about, I don't know, maybe like $3.99 or something like that.

Maybe low fours.

And every once in a while, you'd have your deal where you could get like five of them at $2 each.

You had to spend $10, but you could buy five 12-packs.

You were set for like a month.

It was fucking awesome, right?

Now, you know what?

They started selling the 8-packs.

they sell the eight packs at the same size they used to sell the 12 packs like i went there once

and i was like oh look i was like hell yeah the soda's on sale when i went to go pick it up i was

like oh what the hell it's eight sodas instead of four and they're selling it at you know the

price that you know they're selling it for 2.99 each used to be able to get five for ten dollars

like maybe two years ago and and they're sneaky about it man switcheroni brother then you look

you know what and i don't know when they changed the size of the box man they got yes and at the

grocery store that i go to milkman it used to be you know you know you had you know let's say you

had your certain amount of the soda section and about 50 of it had the 12 pack cans you know

you know that whole aisle talking about the whole chips the dip the nuts the the the uh the the

popcorns there you know that kind of stuff the munchie food and your soda and the water is on

the other side i'm sure it's pretty much is in my experiences across the country and i i think that

it's the same format they put all that stuff together in the same aisle so anyway they used

to be all 12 packs now i swear to god about the 12 packs cover about a quarter of the real estate

in in the store that they used to and the rest is all these eight packs man and they're selling

for like they're selling it for like 2.99 and that's like cheap how is it possible the price

of coke went up so high i don't understand like i know things are fucking bad but it hasn't dude

dude. They snagged you with

some packaging, man. It's the same

thing. The evolution of the

one and a half liter. Not the two

liter anymore. Come on. What the hell is that all about?

Where's the one and a half liter? I haven't seen that.

That's a bunch of bullshit, too. They're doing a one and a half

liter now? Oh, we get them out here now, man. We're getting

the one and a half liters. Oh, yeah. See? It's coming

to us next. California, you guys get

hit with the shit before

we do. Your gas goes way up before

ours does over here. And like an idiot,

I figured it out. I didn't figure it out

until after I brought it home.

Aw, man, that sucks.

I'm sorry to hear that, man.

Yeah, so things are definitely changing.

Hollywood Vine is mentioning when gas goes up, so does soda.

But no, motherfucker.

I'm going to do the math and see how much has changed price per ounce of soda.

I'm going to do that math.

I'm going to go back.

Four cans, dude.

That's like a 25% reduction, man.

That's what I'm saying.

It's a 25% reduction, and they're selling it at the same price.

That's 33.

i don't think i don't think because yeah it's three four so yeah i don't think it's proportional

i i don't think it's proportional to inflation i think there's some flimflam going on here i think

that the soda companies are trying to gouge us i think that they're slip one in under the american

public and are selling you eight sodas instead of 12 like they used to and it kept at the same

fucking price i think it's fucking bullshit and and we're letting them we're letting them doing

it underneath us and motherfucker i'm i'm pumped right now i'm really fucking pissed off about

this man i'm not fucking kidding you milkman it's fucking bullshit

this is a red hot white hot long boxes instead of the tall ones for the 12 12 you know the 12

pack dude and as soon as them long boxes dude we're screwed you couldn't buy a case no more

then mcdonald's they say you're 16 pack what the fuck's that milkman a year ago mcdonald's a dollar

could get you a double cheeseburger you got yourself two slices of of of meat and you

you get yourself two slices of cheese and they took away the double cheese burger and then they

came back with the mcdouble and the mcdouble is the same exact thing with one less slice of cheese

and they're still charging you the one dollar for it i figured this out this happened it cost more

i'm not kidding you there's a lot of you i know there's got to be at least at least one of our

of you people out there makes a living uh you know uh eating off of mcdonald's food for lunch

every every week or maybe twice through three times a week you get yourself two bucks and you

get yourself two hamburgers two cheeseburgers and you know if you're if you're following the

mcdonald's diet like i did they're controlling us they took away a slice of cheese man and they're

still charging a dollar for the stupid hamburger what's that about i wonder how much they charge

for an extra slice of cheese now see this is all stuff that i want to talk about funny

you let us now dude if you say i'd like an ice water they charge you for it because well why

you charge me for it because you're paying for the cup come on what the shit is that yeah hey

man i threw that motherfucker in the trash i went over here to the chevron station by my house and

you know what they had a sign that said we're now charging full price for cups of ice instead of 15

cents i was like motherfucker they're doing the same thing as a matter of fact i saw that this

week over there you see what i mean they they they're they're charging you you might as well

get the soda and then mcdonald's has something i mean you know what mcdonald i think i'm on a

mcdonald's motherfucker i don't know if it's like this in the rest of the country but motherfucking

mcdonald's they just they've come out in the recent weeks and you can get any size drink you

want for a dollar any size you can get yourself the extra large people drink water anyway so

this man will cash in on it yeah but no one drinks soda that much anymore unless you're a

kids i don't know no a lot of people plenty of people want to drink soda and they're charging

you a dollar for you know any size drink that you want now i think they're they got they're

up to something they're gonna ratio is flip though no no no it's legit give me water with

bubble it's legit that's what it is dude but they have the iced tea and they're making they're

banking out their iced tea product is very popular uh you still think and the mccaff

you still think there's more soda drinkers than there's regular water drinkers well the mccaff

Cafes are actually putting a hurt in Starbucks.

The rumors are swirling.

Starbucks, the sales are going down ever since McDonald's went national with their McCafe concept.

All the McDonald's are selling iced coffees with sugar-free syrups, etc.

Apparently, they're quite popular, and I think they're only like $2.99 or something.

They're killing Starbucks in Seattle, from what I understand.

And that's like Starbucks country, man.

Have you tried the new Wendy's, man?

The Wendy's is pretty good.

Is there coffee in the coffee?

It has sugar.

I've had the McDonald's one because it has sugar-free vanilla,

and Athena and I both straight up go, and we get a large.

Actually, I get medium sugar-free iced coffee with sugar-free vanilla.

You don't have to put any spoon in it.

You just get a shot of sugar-free vanilla syrup.

You're good to go.

That is part of the McMaster's menu right there.

Right.

That's right.

And then that's right, ma'am.

And then, Milkman, you used to be able to take two of those double cheeseburgers,

and you had yourself four pieces of meat and four pieces of cheese.

You put that together.

You threw away the two extra buns, if you wanted.

You ate them on the side, and you had yourself a McMaster's.

And guess what, man?

Now we only get two slices of cheese, and I think it's an atrocity.

You take two pickles, and you put them on as pasties and do a little dance.

That's right.

Yeah.

And I like the pickles.

I never like the pickles.

Loads of losers checking in.

We're just talking about food as normal here.

I am upset.

I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore,

just like that white guy, Richard Beal, whatever his name was.

Dude, there's something wrong here, man.

Fuck.

I think this right here is a Republican scheme.

I think I'm just a big fat ass.

That's all it is.

All right, everybody.

You're putting the fluoride in all the water and controlling it.

Lonesome Loser is sending in a lot of numbers here.

We're going to go through these here right now.

Well, did you know it really got bad when you started getting cholera, you know, and salmonella from lettuce.

Come on, man.

What's that telling you, dude?

I don't know.

They don't even look to eat healthy no more.

Listen, Milkman.

Lonesome Loser is sending in a number for Cleopatra's Cable Bridge Casino there in Kennewick, Washington.

I think that would be a nice warm-up call.

Yeah.

I think I've learned that it's best for myself, for my pride and my ego,

I consider the first prank call we do here every week a throwaway.

This is basically a chance for me to go in there and test the waters,

get a little goofy, you know, get the kinks out, you know.

And then after that, we usually, you know, ram it home with no Vaseline.

So I have a feeling, Lonesome Loser, that I'm in a mood.

Lonesome Loser, I need phone numbers for McDonald's in the West Coast.

Milkman, stop talking over me, you son of a bitch.

I need numbers for McDonald's in the West Coast, and I want numbers for grocery stores and or I would like a number for a Coca-Cola bottling company or distribution company, either in Hawaii or in the West Coast that might still be open.

If you think you can find something like that, I want to have personal words with these people who I think are, and McDonald's most definitely.

I think we need to be putting in touch with McDonald's

and telling them we're on their thing

and we're going to start the thing right here

that we need to be respected as consumers here, Milkman

because this is not the time to disrespect consumers

I think this needs to be a conference call

corporate conference call

I think it really should be

we need to get Ted on the horn

Milkman and Tuck get on the first

the person who delivers me Ted first

gets five Madhouse dollars everybody tonight

be sure to get in contact with us

if you know where Ted is

and also we've got the Wasabi Japanese restaurant

there in Long Beach, California

in the LBC, bro.

I met him last week in the lobby, and he never came in.

Holy shit, really?

The lobby of this TeamSpeak, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

All right, we'll be right back in a moment, folks.

Don't go anywhere.

Madhouse Radio, first prank call of the night.

Thank you.

Cable Bridge Casino, Donna, how can I help you?

Hi, LaDonna, is that the one that I'm talking to?

This is Donna.

LaDonna, L-A-D-O-N-N-A.

No, there's no LaDonna, there's just Donna.

Oh, no La, Donna, just Donna.

No, no La.

Just Donna.

Donna.

How can I help you?

Okay.

Donna, I have a situation where I think I left my sugar medicines.

I'm diabetic.

I have diabetes.

All right.

Now, I think I might have left my insulin on top of one of those machines over there.

You know the one I'm talking about?

You know those machines that you have there?

The games?

Yeah, the computer machines, you know?

Oh, okay.

Let me go out and check.

Just one second.

What does it look like?

It's in a bottle?

It's in a bag machine.

It's in a bag?

Machine.

What do you mean a bag machine?

It's hard to explain.

The bag machine holds the insulin and it has my...

Oh, okay, okay, got it, got it.

Okay, hold on.

Make sure you check for the bag machine, though.

Not just, you know, it's not a regular bag.

We'll see if she comes back, everybody.

When we do that, I just want to give out the website.

Once again, where you can reach us, madhouselive.com, madhouselive.com.

Two McDonald's are in from Dumas, I guess this is pronounced, Texas.

Dumas, Texas.

Also, we have one in Dalhart, Texas.

There's a McDonald's.

We'll be talking to them promptly.

Apparently, according to our recon by Lonesome Loser,

these are Mexican women who are answering at these places.

So we will be conversing with them shortly.

We'll see how the conversation goes.

We also have a Yangtze restaurant, Thai Food, in Santa Monica, California,

coming in for Lonesome Loser.

We also have two prank call requests that we received throughout the week, Milkman,

that I'm thinking are good potential ones.

So I'll be explaining those a little later.

You can give us a call later on if you want to join us just to talk,

or you can even try your hand at a prank call.

No pressure to you, of course.

And that's over.

We'll be giving that number out shortly.

Milkman, stand by.

Let me see if we can just hang up and call back

and get the casino lady back because she's taking too long

and I need to get answers here because I am going to be sick.

Thank you very much.

How can I help you?

Yeah, Donna, look, I'm sorry.

I just had a little bit of a seizure and I dropped the phone.

Okay, you didn't leave it here.

Nobody has turned anything in.

You checked the machine, it goes...

I did.

You know the...

I checked both of them.

It's you, do you guys have the one with the diamonds on it?

The one that goes...

I checked...

It goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, like that.

When you put it in, it goes...

You push the button, it goes do, do, do, do, and it goes...

Okay, sir, sir, I checked both machines.

There is nothing.

I asked everybody, and nobody has turned anything in.

One of those little kids probably took it.

I don't know.

Who's going to charge the security there?

We need to, uh, I need to get access to whoever took it.

We need to close down the doors.

Call back sometimes and get answers, folks.

You don't have to hold if you don't want.

This is Maverick speaking.

Hey, Maverick, how you doing?

Hi, good deal.

Look, man, I left my diabetes in my bag machine up there,

and I think someone took it, and I was wondering if you could, you know,

look at the video or get a report.

I need to get my medicine.

Okay, can I get your name, please?

This is Valente. Valente.

This is Valente?

Right.

I just, I please, I need an investigation.

I mean, who do you think an employee, I saw an employee, and he was out looking at people, he was looking at them, like, you know, like, he was wearing regular people clothes, and I think it's that guy, you know how you guys always have a person in there, so that if someone's doing something bad, that he's in, like, regular clothes, so he looks like a regular person, you know, and you pay him, he's out there, he's like, yeah.

When did you, when did you leave your, uh.

He was looking at my, my bag machine, and I think he stayed, took my insulin.

Was that today, or?

yeah it was a it was a it was in regular people clothes man oh okay who's the employee i mean who

do you put me through what's his you know yeah who was it you know who i'm talking about right

no i do not know i just got here at seven o'clock bro there's this dude he's like casing you know

he's like looking at people like he works for you guys uh he told me that he worked for you guys

but that you know that he was you know doing his rounds that he went around and he was like you

you know, in a regular people clothes, and he'd get next to people and stuff,

and he said, you know, he was talking about the women, and then I think he, like, I left,

and then when he said that he was going to watch my bag with my diabetes medicine

and my, you know, glucometer and my syringe in the bag,

and I think he was looking at it, and then he took it when he said he was going to watch it for me.

He said he works there, so like I'm saying, he probably has it.

Okay, well, do you remember what time you were in here?

It was about, I'd say about 45 minutes ago or so.

45 minutes ago, like around 6.30?

Yeah, who's that dude that works there that took my stuff?

He said he was going to watch it for me, and I came back and he took it,

and he had, like, my quarters and stuff.

I seriously don't know who it is.

Well, he said he worked there.

If I see Tim around here.

Oh, wait a minute.

He told me he worked there.

But I do not know who it is, though.

Well, who knows, then?

Who can we tell?

Who's the manager?

Tim is around here somewhere.

Did you want me to call Tim and have him get on the phone with you?

Yeah, because this is serious.

He says he works there.

He must have my medicine.

Okay, well, I'll go ahead and find Tim,

and then just hang on on the phone, and I'll have him get on, okay?

All right, I'll be right here.

Thanks, buddy.

We're going to wait for that and see how this pans out.

This is quite interesting.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio.

Hey, take a look at your G-Talk, man.

I see the G-Talk.

We have a convention, huh?

What's the convention about, sir?

This is a clown convention.

New New Reporting, we have a clown convention tonight.

We have a lot of fun.

Last time we had a clown convention.

A Confederacy convention, too.

Oh, those are the ones that we said two years ago.

We told them that someone has shit in the pool.

Confederate clowns?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

55th annual Children of the Confederacy Convention.

There's no Confederate clowns.

No, no, there's a Confederate, like, isn't it the Daughters of the Confederation?

I think it's their annual stupid clown convention.

convention, and then after that, the stupid clown convention, you know, there's a federal

confederate, well, the Daughters of the Confederacy, women who are in the confederates, confederacy

or something like that, or were in the confederacy at some point, I don't understand, anyway,

so we're going to continue to hold him, we're going to play this music here while I try

to, try to see, I think I might need to hang up and call back again, I've seen him work

last time, anyway, we're waiting for the casino to come back on the line in just a

moment.

Tim?

Is this the manager, Tim?

Yes, it is.

Tim, listen, there's a man who works there, he was talking to me, he said he works there,

he sat down next to me, we were talking, and then he said he was going to watch my diabetes

medicine while I went to the bathroom, and then I came back, and he left, and he's obviously

took the medicine, my bag with my sugar glucometer, and my insulin, and my medicines, you know,

so I was trying to find out who is this guy, because I was like, hey man, he's like, yeah,

work here you know and because he was looking around and stuff okay can you describe him he

was a guy he he was a white guy he had this like salt and pepper hair um he had a like broad

shoulders gentleman a little close shave bald kind of stocky guy wearing a blue shirt uh like

a t-shirt and uh blue jeans he's in a poker room he was next he was i was at the machine

i was at the computer machine working on you know gentlemen with glasses no glasses um i don't know

But the glasses didn't look right on.

I don't remember very well.

But he obviously works there.

He said he works there.

He hung out.

He was playing with me.

We were playing the game.

And we weren't winning anything.

And I said, hey, I got to go make a number one.

He said, all right, no problem.

He said, I'm going to watch your stuff.

And then when I came back, he was gone.

And I guess he took it with him.

Because maybe I was thinking maybe his break was over.

So, I mean, do you know who I'm talking about?

Can you get me my stuff back?

Because I think you guys have it there in the office, my medicine.

I've been in my office most of the day today, and I haven't seen it.

You're welcome to come down.

I'll walk you through every room I got.

I'll show you a picture of my employees.

Who's the Asian guy?

He's an Asian guy.

Asian, kind of overweight, like grayish.

Yeah.

The only Asians I have working today are young, short, with no salt and pepper.

How long ago did this happen?

About 45 minutes ago.

Okay.

I mean, he works there.

Sarah, I mean, really, this gentleman identified himself as an employee of your establishment,

and he obviously has possession of my medicine, and I need my medicine.

I'm on Medicaid, and I can only get so many of those a week.

Come on down here, and let's investigate it.

Well, I want to know who this man is, and I want to talk to him on the phone

and ask him where he is with my medicine, because I'm in no condition to drive right now.

My sugar is affected.

I need to have my medicine to stabilize me, and I demand satisfaction,

Infection, and that's the bottom line, sir.

I mean, I went there fair and square.

The bottom line is, sir, how did you walk out of the establishment without your insulin?

Because the gentleman was obviously going on his shift,

and I looked and I looked and I looked,

and I'm calling from my cell phone now from outside

because people were giving me bad looks and looking at me dirty

because maybe that's...

So you're here in the building?

I'm outside, as a matter of fact.

Well, come in the building and let's find the person.

No, I need him to come outside.

I can't go inside right now.

I'm just feeling a little shaky because of my medicine.

Who is this man?

I don't know who this man is, but I'm going to look for you.

He doesn't work there.

I have any overweight Asian men.

He doesn't work there, does he?

You people authorized a man to go in there and take my medicine.

Sir, that's authorized people to talk to you.

You need to come in and we can take care of this this way.

I'm going to sue you.

That's what I'm going to do.

Good luck. Come on in.

Come on in the building.

What's your tax?

Come on in the building.

What is your tax ID?

All right, good.

Everybody, that's the first pranks of the night.

That is the casino located in somewhere.

I don't know.

Somewhere.

Look it up.

Google it.

Google Casino Bag Machine.

And maybe we'll see what casino it is.

I'm sure you'll find it on the web.

Oh, Milkman.

Oh, dude, yeah.

Know what happened?

I got banned from the Teenspeak server.

Something happened.

I don't know what happened.

It crashed me out and it says I was banned.

It says I can't log in for another 23 seconds, Milkman and Tuck.

So I don't know if you can hear me.

I believe you can.

Give me just a moment.

I'll be able to get back in.

I can't unban you.

I can't unmute you from the other one.

It's locked down.

or there'll be an awesome echo of which the world has never seen tucked in milkman so i can't do

that over there and you're so stupid that you don't even listen to me when i'm talking you're

probably sitting there trying to talk right now you dumba you dumb lummox milkman is such a dumb

lummox sometimes man i swear to god i'm trying to log into the public server and it doesn't want

to log in milkman what do you want from me man god damn it man god damn it man quiet man now

Now, there's two Carlitos in here, and there's only one of me.

I'm Carlito 1.

That's it.

I'm the, you know, everybody.

We're right back in a moment with the next prank call of the night.

We're going to be calling McDonald's, everybody.

Just a moment in McDonald's.

This one is in California.

No, Texas.

Texas.

Just a moment, folks.

Enjoy this song.

I'm on to something, and I need to have a conversation.

I'm on to your people's little game, and I don't appreciate it.

What happened with the double cheeseburger?

What double cheeseburger?

You used to have a double cheeseburger for $1.

What happened to it?

Why did I go there and I saw a McDouble?

Um, the reason I went to a McDouble, actually, there was a survey done to consumers,

and the customers, you guys, actually decided that you'd rather have a McDouble instead of a Double Cheeseburger for a dollar.

Wait a minute. Why is it possible that you would, I would prefer that you take out a slice of cheese from a hamburger?

It was done by a survey. That's what customers said they wanted.

Oh, get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here.

Tell me the truth. How much was the Double Cheeseburger going up to?

to like $1.19.

Two or three weeks ago, I was still buying the double cheeseburger.

No, you couldn't.

Oh, yes.

Actually, the double cheeseburger went up to $1.19 about nine months ago.

Uh-huh, and then you got rid of it altogether and took away the slice of cheese.

We still have the double cheeseburger.

Okay, so double cheeseburger for $1.19, right?

Yes.

And how much for a McDouble, just a McDouble?

It's $1.

And I want to have an extra slice of cheese in the McDouble.

How much is that?

It'd be $1.22, I think, with tax.

Motherfucker, listen to me.

So what's the difference between the McDouble with an extra slice of cheese and the Double Cheeseburger for $1.19?

And the McDouble's $1.20 something.

What's the deal?

$1.29 with tax.

No, I caught you in something there.

You're charging me $0.10 extra for that, aren't you?

For the cheese?

Yeah.

The cheese is actually about $9.3767.

Okay.

Okay, but if I order it, the double cheeseburger, it's $1.19 total, right?

Mm-hmm.

So you're charging me $0.19 there for an extra slice of cheese and that's it?

Yep.

How is that fair?

You can call your corporation about it.

But what are you doing with these 10 cents?

What is the deal?

The 10 cents?

This extra $0.10 that you're making up.

Because I've kept ordering double cheeseburgers instead of the McDouble with the extra slice of cheese,

which would have been $0.10 cheaper each time that I ordered it.

So what are you doing with my money?

What's the deal?

With your money, you got the McCafe.

You got the new Angus burger that's come out.

You have...

The Angus burger is small, and I wasn't impressed with it.

The Angus burger is not small, honey.

Oh, it's not.

One-third pound.

It's a third pound compared to your quarter pound.

Compared to my double quarter pounder with cheese, my number three?

Huh?

How much is the number three?

Okay, I bet you don't even know how much a quarter plus a quarter is.

What is it?

You got one guess.

A half.

All right, fine.

You passed that one, but listen to me.

That's a half pound of meat.

Well, how are you going to tell me that Angus Burger is not big?

Once you've had the double quarter pounder, there's no going back once you had a double quarter pounder.

That's just the biggest.

How can you go back to anything?

It's just another sandwich.

Whatever.

I think the Big Mac should just be retired, too.

I think the Big Mac is pussy shit, if you ask me.

I think that's for women.

I don't eat the Big Mac.

I don't like it either, girl.

I know what you're talking about.

What do you like?

You know I like my double cheeseburger with just cheese and onion.

I try not to eat McDonald's food.

What, are you sick of it?

No, I've been with McDonald's for nine years.

But you get sick of it.

I used to work at KFC, and by the end of the first month, I couldn't smell that chicken.

KFC changed after it went to KFC.

It was better when it was Kentucky Fried Chicken.

I know.

I like your style.

We have a connection here.

You like food?

No.

Oh, how much?

I mean, you want to maybe hang out?

Would you be into it?

Seriously, I'll take you out.

You ever have fusion Chinese restaurant food?

Fusion?

They mix American food with Chinese food together.

Oh, no.

It's so good.

What do you like?

Do you like meats?

I'll get you some steak meats.

What do you like to eat?

I don't eat meat.

No?

No.

You ever have gazpacho?

No.

Gazpacho is where you take some codfish,

salted codfish, and you mix it with avocado

and a little bit of black pepper.

No, you like the avocado the way I like it.

Avocados are weird.

You like the avocado the way I like it.

I make a nice mix with garlic.

No, no.

Avocados, no.

What do you eat?

Fruit bars?

What's your angle?

Shrimp.

Shrimp?

Yeah.

Like all you can eat?

Are you an all you can eat girl?

Could you do that?

Oh, no.

You like crab?

No.

You don't like crab?

No.

Oh, man.

What's your favorite food then?

Just shrimp?

That's all you want?

My favorite food?

Yeah.

It would probably actually be shrimp Alfredo.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, you ever go to Red Lobster when they have Shrimp Fest and it's all you can eat shrimp?

I won't eat a Red Lobster.

Dude, you got to do the Shrimp Fest, man.

They have this shrimp scampi and they have a shrimp corn cob cake.

I know stories about Red Lobster.

Oh, really?

Is it nasty?

Yeah.

I heard that tuna fish, when they process them on the ships, the ships are disgusting full of bacteria.

And they throw the tuna fish on the floor of like all this rotted gut floor and Chinese people spitting on the floor and peeing, urinating on the floor.

Instead of going to the bathroom

They throw them on the floor

And cut them right there

And pack it in just like that

And that's how they get made

Out of tuna

Really

Yeah it's really nasty

It was on 2020

You gotta check it out

Don't eat no tuna

It makes you sick

And don't

And if you lick stamps too

It's really nasty water

They use to make stamp glue

Yeah

Yeah some fucked up shit

Alright look

I'm done talking to you

You wanna hang out sometime or not

I'm not kidding for real

I'll take you out

You like movies

No

You like ice cream

No

You wanna just go for a walk

We'll go for a walk

Go for a walk

In Delhart

Yeah, wherever you want.

Somewhere cool, you know.

We'll do something.

You know, go for a nice romantic walk.

Go walk me.

We'll just talk.

We'll hang out.

You play dominoes and checkers?

I don't play checkers and I don't play dominoes.

What kind of board games do you like?

Chess.

Chess?

Oh, you're smart.

Yeah, because you're so smart.

Right.

Yeah.

So what else do you like to eat?

What do I like to eat?

Yeah.

Spam?

You like to fry it?

Yeah.

Spam, bologna, you know.

You're pretty hot.

Right.

We should totally hang out.

You like grilled cheese sandwiches?

sandwiches. I'm trying to think of something I could do for it. Why? You like a grilled

cheese sandwich? No. Man. No one knows how to make it right, so I just. Do you? Oh, yeah.

Yeah? Alright, cool. Alright, so for real, like, you want to hang out sometime? Um, if

you ask my husband first. Oh, well, I'm married, too. It's cool. I just got married. Did you?

Yeah, at the end of May. Wow. Yeah, you never thought of maybe, you know, a little. That

is, like, really early. Yeah. Is he bi? No. Oh, okay. I was just, I don't know, just

Not for me.

I'm just saying.

All right, I got to go.

Bye.

What's wrong with being bye?

I am bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

All right, everybody.

Who was that?

We got a voicemail breaking news, gentlemen.

Breaking news.

We got breaking news here, everybody.

Milkman and Tuck, I don't know if you're paying attention right now to the show.

I don't know what kind of angle we've gotten to.

But we have a voicemail here, which I believe is from the casino.

So let's go ahead and see if we can pull that up here.

Sent to us via Google Voice.

just a moment here i'm trying to uh access that right now okay we're right back with that

standby moment twist the limo says to put her on a diet

pistol less hungry hungry hippos that was a man that game reminded me of my cousin and i remember

i was like five years old and my cousin pissed me off when we were playing it and i bit her in the

shoulder and i got in trouble i had to sit down in the basement in the corner i was scared it was

in puerto rico and there was bugs down there and scared me well says there's no transcript

script available here i think so that's usually not a good sign it means that it might not have

said anything unless there was a general failure of the google voice system i'm still trying to

pull it up uh ladies and gentlemen thank you for your patience in the meantime let me write off

some of the other numbers that we have to call here right now uh we have other mcdonald's i think

we're gonna have you got your google number yet not my new one listen hang on listen to this

excuse me wrong number he's like i like that's funny i'm gonna put that out i'm gonna make that

I'm going to make that the message I get, you know, the little indicator message tone

for whenever I get a voicemail on my phone.

It's going to go, hmm.

All right.

Any more?

Anyway, more numbers to do.

One of us new promos, man.

Yeah.

Hmm.

562 area code.

I have no idea where it is.

That's Long Beach.

Talking to Sean Ward, and he's drawing, and he's listening to the show tonight.

Good deal.

That's the way you do it.

Everybody, let me know what's the deal with Insignicate.

apparently i was very over modulated and i had no idea and uh it ran like that for at least 20

minutes 25 perhaps even 30 so if you're in syndicate now please let me know if the audio

has improved itself and i want to apologize for being such a failure that sounded great man i

heard you here man our stream sounds solid solid as iraq we got a number one from piss jokes

apparently we're good to go okay all right man all right everybody we're calling the wasabi

Wasabi Japanese Restaurant.

They're in Long Beach, California.

Japanese, that's...

Yeah, Milkman, you're half Japanese,

so maybe you should give us some pointers about that.

What's a good thing to say to a Japanese person?

I like the wasabi, man.

Yeah, you like the wasabi.

That's too much, man.

Oh, hey, you know what?

You just reminded me of something.

I have something.

I got something over here on the big board.

Silent Library.

I don't know if anybody's been watching this show,

but it's been on MTV.

If you have a DVR like I do,

They do Sit Your DVR to record every weeknight, I think, around 7 p.m.

There's a show on MTV called Silent Library.

It is a great prank show in the vein of a more controlled, amateurish,

not as intense version of Jackass.

Basically, they do groups of six, teams of six, and they all draw cards every turn.

And whoever gets the card, which is specially marked with a skull and crossbone,

has to do a prank and they have some crazy

very humiliating pranks that they have to do

let's see for example

they made this one dude

had to wear a helmet like a spaceman

helmet and they connected a vacuum

cleaner to it and then the vacuum

cleaner was put in to suck up

a dirty cat litter

like a litter box that was dirty

no no no no no

so this vacuum

feeds into this helmet that you're wearing

it's a globe style helmet and it's

sucking up cat litter

raw dirty cat litter

and they did the same with a used bird cage

you could see the bird in there and everything

and obviously it was this bird cage that was just sitting there for like a whole week

it was very disgusting

they do pranks at that source

some of the stuff is very cool

so if you like prank shows and stuff like that

I recommend you check out Silent Library

make it your guilty pleasure

it's definitely my guilty pleasure now

and I'm not afraid to admit that

so check that out everybody

weeknights I think it's at 7 o'clock

Silent Library MTV

TV. My recommendation of the

week. That's your recommendation

of the week from Madhouse

Radio. Everybody will be right back with the

first prank. Well, the next prank call tonight, rather.

This is going to be the Wasabi Japanese Restaurant.

Milkman, go fuck yourself.

Is this the Wasabi Restaurant?

Yes. I have a complaint to make.

Okay. I went there and I

was refused service and they made me

pay full price despite the fact that

they refused my service. What do you mean

by they refused your service but

you paid full price? I come in when a man

comes in for his food whether it be a Japanese or an Italian or Romanian restaurant whatever it may

be when I come in I demand service and I demand satisfaction and I was not given the satisfaction

of a decent human being who may just made two moderate requests and I was refused and I'm

writing what was your request I'm a food critic for the local newspaper from the Long Beach Herald

and I'm going to make a bad review on you I'm making a bad review on your place because you

They refused to give me chopsticks, and they refused to give me cherry coke.

Okay.

Do you remember who your server was?

No.

It was an Asian person.

What do you want?

Okay, I'm sorry that...

What do you want from me?

Huh?

What do you want?

Do you need my papers?

Is that what it is, before I can get satisfaction?

Is that...

What do you need?

What do you want?

What is it going to take to make you happy?

Huh?

Okay, what do you want to do?

I just want...

Look at you.

Seriously, you've got to give me chopsticks, or I'm going to give you a bad review, and

that's it.

I'm online right now, foodlioncritic.com,

and I'm not going to make a bad review right now unless you make up for this.

I'm a food critic.

Yes, I'm going to give you one out of five stars on the website,

and that averages out because you only have one other rating,

and that was a four out of five star.

This is going to bring you down to an average rating, three stars.

Is that what you are, a three-star restaurant?

Three out of five?

You're proud of that that you're only three out of five?

Don't you think you should have a higher objective, like maybe four out of five?

Five out of five?

Five out of five, maybe, right?

But you don't care?

All right.

So, what's the deal?

What can you give to me?

Like, how are you going to satisfy me?

Chopsticks.

When you come here next time, we can give you chopsticks.

What about Cherry Coke?

Yeah, we can do that for you.

Do you have cherry sauce there?

How are you going to make it?

Yeah, we have cherry sauce.

Well, where's it from?

From the bar?

Yeah.

No, seriously, tell me.

Don't make some nasty stuff and you people don't spit in my food.

No.

Do you want to write down my name and number?

Okay.

My name is Valente.

What was that?

Valente.

Valente?

Right.

Right, and my phone number is 407-459-4534.

459...

4534.

454.

That's right, this is Valente.

Okay, any other complaints?

No, I just really would like to talk to someone in charge now.

Okay, yeah, that would be me.

Is there a man there that I can talk to?

No, just a woman.

Are you sexist?

Well, it's because normally the man is to, you know, makes the rule.

No, I'm not here.

Who's the owner?

Ryan.

Okay, so that's the man that I'm talking to right now.

You agree, right, that there's a man in charge?

Is Brian a man or a woman?

He's not there right now.

He's not here right now.

Is Brian a man or a woman, though?

It's a woman.

Brian's a woman?

Yeah.

How do you spell Brian?

B-R-E-Y-E-N-N.

You're lying.

No, I'm not.

You're lying.

It's a man.

Brian.

No, no, you said Brian.

That's not a man.

That's not a woman's name.

No.

No, you don't want to admit that there's a man in charge of where you work.

Of course a man, of course a woman would try to, you know, lie to a man.

Of course.

See, that's why I would need to talk to someone in charge.

Can you please give that to Brian?

What's Brian's last name?

Mr. Lee?

All right, so can you have Mr. Lee call me as soon as possible?

Do you have a number that we can reach him at?

No, just this number.

Well, what time does he come in in the morning?

When can I expect to hear from him?

Oh, we don't have morning time hours.

We just have evening hours.

When does he leave at night?

Because maybe I can come in and speak to him person to person.

Yeah, you can probably come in tomorrow night.

Well, maybe we could talk.

Well, wait a minute now.

What time is he there until tomorrow night?

He'll be here until 2 a.m.

And what's the deal tonight?

He won't be here?

Have you noticed that for the last two minutes you've been saying he,

but you did tell me before that it was a she?

Well, admit it.

Admit it.

Listen, honey, there's a man in charge of where you work, right?

The man is in charge, right?

Well, just say it.

Say that there's a man in charge.

You don't want to admit that there's a man in charge, right?

Because you're a chicken.

You're yellow.

Okay.

Are you Korean, or what's your ethnicity?

I'm not Chinese.

What are you, Samoan?

No, I think you're Korean, right?

Yeah, I'm Samoan.

Yeah, you probably dye your hair.

on, right? Because you're ashamed. Okay, hold on. Let me give it to somebody that's really

in charge. Okay. Hello? Hi. Hello, how can I help you? I was supposed to speak to a man.

I'm sorry? I was supposed to speak to the man who was in charge, Mr. Lee. Okay, I don't

know who that is and... Wait a minute. This woman here who was just talking to me said

that there's a Brian Lee who's in charge of the business and that it's a man. And then

she changed the name and said it was a woman and then came and said it's a man. Okay,

can you give me one second? Hold on, please. Who's the woman I was talking to? I want answers

immediately.

I command you

to give me

my satisfaction.

Is there a problem?

Is that why

you're calling?

There was a lack

of satisfaction

and this woman

is playing games

with me on the phone

and making me sound

like a stupid person.

And I'm not

a stupid person.

I'm going to give you

people a bad review

on the internet

unless you apologize

and give me satisfaction

for what you did.

I know,

but what was

your phone call for?

Who's the man

in charge there?

I'm the one

who's basically

supposed to answer

phones and stuff.

She just took over

for a second.

Is there a man there

who owns the business or not?

No.

So what is it?

Is the owner's name Brian Lee?

He's not here.

It's a man, isn't it?

There's a man who's in charge.

Okay, but he's not here.

Yes, but you people are refusing to acknowledge

that a man is in charge of the business.

Do you listen to me?

What is your phone call for?

Because you failed to give me my chopsticks

and my cherry Coke,

and I think there's something up here,

and I'm going to give you people a bad review.

That's fine.

Thank you very much for the phone call, okay?

And I called the complaint,

and that woman, she's condescending,

you stupid bitch.

Get out of here.

Athena hanging out like a vulture.

What do you want?

Why?

Well, hi.

Hi, Athena.

Oh, Jesus.

What are you, drunk?

Well, we hope you're proud of yourself.

I'm chewing on a condom, as a matter of fact.

Athena's drunk.

She's so proud.

I'm drunk.

I'm an alcoholic.

I'm Athena.

Mrs. Hermano.

Athena's an alcoholic.

She doesn't want a minute.

I'm going to call her mom.

Let's call Athena's mom now.

Tell her she's an alcoholic.

Do-de-do-de-do.

I'm kidding.

Hey, you guys have to come out here, and we'll get the Napa Valley Hermano.

We'll get really freaked out.

They'll get me started in Napa Valley because I heard they started charging motherfuckers to go there now more than they used to.

I heard it used to be free, and now they're charging $5 per taste or something like that.

That's bullshit.

I don't want to go.

The fuck would I want to go there now?

Yeah, but I'm a local, you see, so I'll get you a local discount or whatever.

More numbers coming in for Lonesome Loser.

I'm excited about that.

If you want to call us, please call 407-459-4534.

the toll free line is down for

is down for trouble unfortunately

we have opened up a ticket for repair

in the meantime

we'll call it 407-459-4534

it's the same thing stupid

Godzilla, Lockhees, and Safes

I have no idea what's a Lockhees

Godzilla with one L

Lockhees and Safes

in Las Vegas

those people can't even

spell the shit right

we're going to call the

Yangtze restaurant Thai food here everybody

Hang on for just a moment.

The next prank call tonight is coming up right now.

Ni hao ma, how are you?

Ni hao ma, is that how you say it?

What's your ethnicity?

Can you say that again?

This is Thai food?

It's Chinese, Japanese, and Chinese food.

Do you have coconut milk?

Milk.

I like coconut milk on a hot day, man.

It's so refreshing.

It feels good to put the coconut milk in your mouth and you swish it around.

I like to put an Oreo in my mouth.

I eat an Oreo, and then I hold the Oreo between my teeth all crumpled up,

And I drink a take a big swig of coconut milk, and I mix it in my mouth, and I swallow it

Yeah, it's good you ever had that before you ever try it you ever make stuff when you eat them

Let me check where I want to take try try find out. Yeah, cuz I'm okay

Okay, I find out you know like it's getting hot man

Hello, how may I help you?

Yes, hi, is this a gentleman I'm speaking to or a woman?

It's a woman.

Who is that man talking on the phone who's scared?

Why is he so nervous and scared? What happened? I was explaining something to him.

No, he doesn't speak English very well.

Does he take orders or what does he do?

Because he picked up the phone and was like...

Do you want to place an order?

Yes, I wanted to make an order. I was asking about the coconut milk.

Yes, what about it?

You know, I like to eat the Oreos, and I hold the coconut milk in my mouth,

and I swish it a little bit, and I swallow it.

And I asked him about if he had anything like that, you know, that you can mix up like that.

And he just kind of went, he was like that.

He was like, he was talking like that.

That's true.

That's what he did.

I didn't appreciate that.

I'm just catching her up.

She asked me what I wanted, and I said, well, this is where I caught up.

That's where we left off.

Where do we go from here?

I don't know if they're going to pick up again.

We'll see.

We'll let that in hold.

Excuse me.

We will have to take a break eventually, I suppose.

I did want to mention we've got a new CD coming out next month.

The title of the CD is going to be How Much Are Your Spaces?

We're looking forward to the opportunity to release a new CD here on Madhouse Radio.

Now, keep in mind, we already have a free CD available over at madhouselive.com.

Click on the free CD link right there.

You can download your own free copy of the Madhouse Radio first-ever CD artwork by Big Tug,

aka tuck over from

tuckermike.com

Milkman makes a special appearance

in a special forward

by Milkman

very beautiful

he said very nice things about me

I liked it

it was very nice

thank you Milkman

that was nice of you

alright everybody

I'm getting tired of waiting here

for the Chinese people

so we're going to have to call them back

on the redial

do we have any good

have we ever had any good luck

with the Chinese

let me look up Chinese here

for the Madhouse Archive

see what I can see

off the top

Chinese contraband liquor store

Chinese make it happen

Chinese boobies.

I don't remember that at all.

Do you remember Chinese boobies?

I don't remember.

This is probably really stupid.

This is only a minute and one second long.

Let's see.

Oh, this has to be a good one, then.

We'll be quiet so we can hear it.

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Inflation order, please, ma'am.

Confirm day of deja vu.

You hear me?

Can I hear you?

Okay, open your ears and check ass.

Let me hear.

Listen to me.

Inflation order.

Pick up.

Confirm day.

Your order says finish.

No, we don't have it.

We closed it already.

Okay, can I place an order for tomorrow, then?

For tomorrow morning?

Yeah, what size are your boobies, baby?

Oh, sorry, we're closed already. You ordered tomorrow. Can you call me tomorrow morning?

Well, I could do that, but what size are your boobies?

And are you menstruating right now?

Sorry, I don't understand you. Okay, sorry, bye-bye.

Hey, ma'am!

What a bitch.

Well, that was Chinese boobies. I didn't remember that, guys. Honestly, where was I even from? I don't know.

Hey Carlito

I don't think they were doing Monday shows

That's this message

Hey Carlito

I don't think they were doing Monday shows anymore

Yeah

Pretty much why I called

No one in the chat room will answer

So

Yeah

Gentlemen answer the question

When are we going to do a Monday show again

Milkman

Are you going to be working Monday

You're going to start working again Monday

Aren't you

Fuck

We had an opportunity to do a normal Monday show

I can do Mondays

But

Thursdays

My schedule has changed

No no we're going to lose to Milkman

on the fly

let me know about that

we might do a Monday show this week

I think it's time

I think I'm going to buy the newspaper on Sunday

we'll talk about that after here

we'll see

maybe Monday afternoon I can do a show

we'll see about that

stay tuned it'll be on the Twitter and the Madhouse site

watch the Madhouse site by Sunday night

I'll make a decision

the Twitter with the Madhouse

let's say

it's at Madhouse

We're Madhouse.

Tweet, tweet, Twitter.

Tweet away.

Madhouse is proud to announce that Madman, our good friend Madman here, is checking in on AOL.

I haven't seen him in a long time.

Former supplier of our chatroom, Madman in the house.

How are we doing?

We're doing good, Madman.

How have you been?

Thank you, sir, for stopping by.

I don't know if he's in the chatroom, but he's checking in somewhere.

Good to see him.

Hey, Hermano, man.

How is that convention coming along, man?

man. I think somebody's asking

for you. Oh, yeah. Convention.

Convention. That's right. That's right.

Okay, let me get those numbers. Where's Nunu at?

The Confederate

Clown Women.

I lost them. Nunu

sent it, right? Oh, no. Here we go.

Okay, I see. Sent it to you and you sent it to me.

Okay, I got it. No, I sent it to you in G-Talk.

Okay, I see. The Children of the

Confederacy Convention

going on today in Orlando. They're here in Orlando?

Oh, my God. Universal Studios.

No kidding. Wow.

Wow, that's crazy.

Yeah.

We're going to have a comment.

That neck doesn't get much redder than that.

I wanted to mention here.

We're born with a red neck.

I want to take it a little serious for a moment.

I just want to, you know, and I've not made a public comment or we haven't talked about these prank calls that have been going on here, going to the hotels.

You know, this has been happening a big rash lately.

And here in Orlando this week it happened.

I mean, it's funny.

Actually, Reckless did talk about it with us a little bit last week.

We talked a little bit about it, I think it was last week or before that.

But basically, there's some prank callers out there who have a website.

I think it's Pranknet or something like that.

And they've been going around, or at least once, they've done a prank call and it's been copied a lot.

Or they're the ones that are behind all this.

I'm not even going to give them any credit, dude.

Yeah, well, I mean, I'll give credit where credit's due.

I mean, is it funny to hear?

I mean, basically, they're doing prank calls to hotels.

They get through to the room.

And they say, yeah, this is the front desk.

There's a fire.

There's a gas leak.

We need you to break the window, pick up a chair, pick up a lamp, throw it through the window or whatever that is.

And they'll do that, and they'll say, you've got to set the fire sprinkler off.

And I don't know if they're having them hold a match or a lighter to the fire sprinkler to set it off

or if they're making them hit it, whatever it may be.

They've done some damage here at this one hotel.

How is that funny?

It's funny to hear dumbasses do stuff like that because when we do stuff, I mean, we're guilty of some stuff.

Like, you know, we had Charlie Patton put his, you know,

pull his phone in the toilet in the talk.

Yeah, but this is...

Somebody's life may be in danger.

Listen, listen.

All right, yeah, okay, it might be funny, but seriously,

you're ruining the scene for us because we're going to be, you know,

websites and services, online deals, you know,

that deal in the prank call realm.

We're looking at coming into some extra scrutiny here

because you're causing thousands of dollars of damage to hotel rooms.

And, yeah, it's funny and it's cool to be a rebel and all that.

you're going to fuck up a good thing for a lot of people.

You know, because now the feds are probably going to get involved.

And I knew when I first started seeing these stories a few,

like a few months ago or a few weeks ago,

I was like, you know, pretty soon what's going to happen

is that every hotel in the country is going to know the story.

They're going to be a few, and you're going to go to jail,

the one doing the prank.

Yeah, and we're just, you know, we don't call, like,

you hear me, we call these conventions and we mess with the people.

You're going to find lots and lots of money.

You will never, ever, ever be able to pay off.

Right.

Well, true, but I'm not about to call in and have someone, you know, break up the hotel.

Well, we were lucky they gave us back our computers, man.

Yeah, that's true.

But you know what, Milkman?

It is true that, you know, Zolar and I and Reclute and you participated in that prank call show, epic prank call show.

But all we did was we sent a rich man named Jack Valenti, God rest his soul, died of a stroke.

But we sent him, what, flowers and some Chardonnay that I think the hotel would have comped anyway.

doesn't matter the guy was the president of the of the mpaa so please i mean it's not not a big

deal uh but it's not like you know i mean that was probably the biggest thrill of his life when

he got that fat hooker it's not like we convinced somebody i mean yeah it's funny because like i

said when we had charlie patton drop that cordless phone in the tub that was funny but he he was

talking on it right afterwards and he took it out he just had to dry it it was working just fine

after a little bit you know it's not like i made sure he wasn't in the top to logic i told him

that didn't involve emergency services yeah it didn't matter he proved it yeah so although it's

funny to do prank calls and yeah we love it and we're all i mean yeah this is really all kind of

dark and shady and stuff and borderline illegal technically it is illegal what we do here but we

have a good time with it and you know we're not stupid we don't call in bomb threats we don't go

we don't go around telling people we're going to kill them we're sure as hell don't oh but

You know, do shit like that.

I'm just saying, guys, yeah, it's funny,

but if you're listening to this,

because this is happening all over the country now.

There's different cases of it.

There's either copycats or the same people over that site that are doing it.

They did one here in Orlando this week.

And in an article, it says right there that the owner of the hotel was suspicious of putting the call through

because he had recently gotten the fax that's been making around through the whole hotel and motel industry,

a fax and a notice that all these people are getting in their meetings with corporate and their local stories

and talking to each other that there's prank callers that are going around and to be on the watch

because his prank calls get put through to people

and they make them break stuff

thinking that it's the staff that's calling.

So what I'm saying is

he's probably going to start making the rounds in the big news.

And yeah, it's funny to have prank calls in the news and stuff like that.

Not when you're going to fuck things up for a lot of people.

I'm not just talking about me.

There's people like...

Yeah, but for a good reason and a good call.

Yeah.

That's why you have a good call.

Yeah, well, it is funny.

I'll tell you, I don't want to play it

because it's on our website.

If you want to hear it in the forums,

I think there's a YouTube link to the one from the prank net, people.

I think they're pranked.

I don't know what they are exactly.

I think, I'm not sure what it is precisely.

But anyway, yeah, Jack Valenti, Maven is reminding us,

Jack Valenti doesn't count because Jack Valenti is dead already.

They're lacking.

Jack Valenti is dead already, so it doesn't count, Milkman, damn it.

Thank you.

I don't know why I'm working for his son, dude.

Actually, I'm working with his son now.

We're calling Godzilla's Lockheese and Saves.

After that, we'll take a break, and after that, we'll call the conventions.

give them enough time to get back in their hotel rooms who jack and theresa are i know what that's

all about that was amazing it's a bullshit if you ask me thank you jack and theresa anyway it's time

for me to go get a sandwich ladies and gentlemen so i'm actually going to be taking a break right

now if you don't mind but i will be back soon i think it's all wonderful i don't think it's

no bullshit at all we're going to get down to the issues with uh sodas it's like a bum out there

uh listen if you get a chance to throw at me it's a supermarket that's still open

We could talk about the soda situation and also perhaps a bottling plant or something like that,

or distribution or something like that.

I'll take anything.

I'll take the RC Cola Company.

I'll take Pepsi.

I'll take Coke.

I don't know.

I'll take the 7-Eleven, and we'll talk about it there.

I'm sure they know what we're talking about.

When we come back, we have those prank calls as well as we're going to have the Yangtze restaurant again.

I would like to follow up with them.

We've got some McDonald's where we can discuss the cheese conspiracy with the McDouble.

and my allegation of the conspiracy is with their $1 any size soda.

I think they are seriously on to something here, folks,

and I think we need to get to the bottom to it.

I will get to the bottom to it, myself and Bob Morton,

with the news solvers here on 98.6 The Mouth.

98.6 The Mouth.

Everybody, don't go anywhere.

We'll be right back in about 5.32 seconds.

I promise.

Thomas, 1127 p.m., July 16th, 2009, Thursday, Madhouse Radio, yes.

We're back.

Five, three, three, two seconds later.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

They're not here.

Friends with 18 Blondie?

No.

How do you know 18?

Is this Kate?

This isn't the end because I I found out on good word girl on the chat room

No, my boys saw you number to 18 blonde. That's what chat room because I don't so fucking web chat chat room, man

No, I haven't I don't go on those

How long have you known that my girl's been doing porno shit on the webcam, man? You're the dude that started it up

No, I don't know anything about this man, because I know you're if you're the guy that's running his website

So help me god, man

man. When I put the lawsuit that I'm going to put on you. Dude, hey, hey, hey, hey, could you

please listen to me? Hey, jackass, I'm calling the shots, all right? Okay, can I please say

something? I didn't, I don't know, I know nothing about a webcam site or anything, okay? I did not

go on there. Somebody could have put my number on there. I did not, okay? I'm 15. I did not go on

there, okay? Can you please trust me? Well, I've traced your IP address. We got the proof on your

IP, man. Like, I saw her doing something on the video cam. What kind of? With some fucking

and dildo shit where i don't know where she got that you're the guy that bought it for her because

she says some guy online bought it for her and i look at the screen and you're there giving her

this phone number telling her to call you no well i i what happened i know what i know what you're

talking about but it was not me okay it was on my computer but it was not me okay and you it's not

me but no i can't can i explain uh what happened school with my laptop and but they started giving

another person already somebody called me i'm trying to figure out what's going on and they

They gave out my number to a whole bunch of different people.

And I'm trying to figure this out.

So, you know.

Right here, look, listen.

It says right here.

I want to blank you.

You like to blank doggy style.

How old are you?

I want to blank you now.

I blank you now.

Do that.

Yes.

This is really my, this is really me.

This is really my phone number.

And it gives your phone number out right here.

Okay, that's what I would, I'd never say something like that.

Sir, I have something to tell you.

I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC.

We're doing a show about how children break up marriages.

Well, I didn't have anything to do with this.

I didn't say anything like that.

Um, you know, I'm trying to find out who's doing this.

Dirty pictures on the computer machine?

No.

But I don't anymore.

I did, like, a long time ago with friends, but I don't do it anymore.

So you got together and looked up pictures on the computer?

It was like years ago.

Years ago.

We're together.

People your age aren't supposed to look up porno.

It was a pop-up.

That's like buying, um, that's like buying cigarettes, son.

it was a pop-up though wasn't your parent picture or not i don't well you're free on your own

inquiry to go anything anything or well you're going to be on your part of the okay you see

radio about like yourself who break marriages up on the internet okay well um i try to figure this

out figure out who this is i'm gonna talk to him because you know no but okay if i find out who

that's who it was um and let you know what i'm finding out because i didn't

up son you said the da and everything is going to be all right i don't want the da

Attorney.

The DA, I'll smooth it over to be cool.

Thank you.

Because, you know, I'm the guy on the TV, so I will work it out.

Don't worry about it.

Okay, bye.

Gotta go, my mom.

Okay, bye.

That was funny.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fucking penis!

Yes!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Taking the world to the...

98.6.

No.

mail at 1-888-278-8509 you know what i hope that when you die they put your gps in your box

and a trap door at the bottom so when you die you open a trap door at the bottom you check the gps

and you go straight down to the hell madhouse radio is back you are bigger than a woman you

are better than a woman we'll always be behind you do not let a woman we'll ever ever make you

Hey, man, I don't give a fuck about the feds, DEA, ATF, task force, jump out boys, and your local neighborhood robbers.

Baby, I got to keep on pushing.

Oakman, fans, listeners, house radio is back.

Hollywood Vanya, I think he wanted to call in.

I think he went to sleep now.

What happened?

Hollywood Vanya should have called in.

I think he's gone.

I think he was drunk, dude.

Whatever.

He was wound up, and then he just signed out all of a sudden.

You can call in at 407-459-4534 again.

Again, 407-459-4534.

Call that number if you want to be in.

The toll-free line is not up to now, but it should be back up in time for the next show that we do on next Thursday.

The theory, hopefully, should be up.

You know, we lost internet service here around this time last night,

and it stayed down until about 6 o'clock in the morning today.

That is the right number, Milkman.

Yes, 407-459-4534.

Got more numbers here?

Yeah, that's right.

8-8-8-8-5-0-9-0.

The man himself, Lonesome Loser, has come through with our request.

He is the man.

Coca-Cola Company bottling plant looks like here.

The number's hit, man.

Wow.

Kapolei, Hawaii, everybody.

We're going to call Coca-Cola in Hawaii.

One moment.

Thank you.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

We've got to call that place that I said the guy was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they didn't tell you guys about work, a mistake I made on the phone machine.

I made fun of a customer, and I think the customer heard it.

And the customer wanted to call me.

We're trying to get through the Coca-Cola plant.

Yeah, this woman called in my job complaining that her service was down.

And I meant to put her on mute and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, like that, like I do on the show.

And I forgot to hit mute.

So she was like, and we can't use the service at all.

And I went, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like that.

And it got quiet.

I heard myself in the microphone.

phone and i said oh but she acted like it didn't happen but it was still pretty funny

for training purposes when i was thinking of myself it'd be funny my boss you know

heard that one he probably have a nice talking with me that's funny as hell i can't imagine

because she could complain and then they could pull the tape she could easily call yeah i called

in and he made fun of me you know to my face and there's okay we'll listen to the call here we go

You go, I'm such an asshole.

I'm kidding.

That didn't really happen.

Anyway, we'll be right back with the next prank call tonight.

We're going to call Safeway.

That is a grocery store.

You guys have been funny as hell, though, dude.

Yeah.

No, it happened to me at an old job once, not the one I'm at now.

I'm just saying that to cover my ass.

We'll be right back in a moment with the next prank.

Thank you.

We'll just do it now.

Thank you for calling your friendly Anderson Safeway.

Friendly.

Using your TouchTone phone, make a selection from the following choices.

or stay on the line and your call will automatically transfer to our customer service desk.

Please listen to the options as our menu has changed.

For store hours and location information, press 1.

For our bakery, press 2.

For our deli, press 3.

For our floral department, press 4.

For our pharmacy, press 5.

For our produce department, press 6.

For our meat department, press 7.

For all other inquiries and customer service...

It's tough to meet people first.

This is taking way too long.

One moment, please.

They don't have a soda department.

I'll go with meat.

Because soda has a lot of sodium, so does meat.

There's a voicemail on the madhouse line.

Thanks for the meat department.

This is Courtney.

I was just listening to the message from Jonathan.

What?

Listen, I was calling about the problem I have with the sodas, but I can't.

There's no option for the soda department.

So I hit meat.

What was wrong with your soda?

How close are you guys to the sodas?

Are you close to them?

Like in your department, can you see them from there?

Yeah.

Like, you can see the SodaStorm where you're at, like, when you're working and you meet?

Yeah.

Hey, listen, man.

What's with the 8-packs, huh?

What do you mean?

Well, you guys have 8-packs so much now.

Why do you get rid of the 12-packs and you're charging the same money for the 8-packs that

you used to charge the 12-packs last year, huh?

I have no idea.

You would have to talk to customer service, but they're not open anymore.

Well, who's in charge there?

Who's the man?

Is there a man I can talk to?

Um, yeah.

Let me get you to him.

What's the man's name?

His name is Tom.

All right, go put Tom on.

Another Tom.

Here we go.

Fine.

Put Steve on.

Steve on.

I can hear you.

Milkman for AAA Hot Jocks and Babes escort in Dallas, Texas.

That's the guy that we had an argument with about a while ago.

When did we have an argument with that person?

Look at Milkman and see what he's into.

Yeah, man.

Milkman's getting into milk.

That was a fun call.

Good deal.

Good idea.

Today that comes from Testio.

We got a number from Albertsons.

Albertsons, the first job ever held.

Was it at Albertsons?

That's in Downey, California.

We'll be giving them a call in a little bit.

Also we will be calling

Bel Air Markets

They're in California

You are listening to

Madhouse Radio

We are currently on hold

They need to fix

That old music

God

Holy crap it sucks

Isn't it

What

Oh man

This is horrible

Anyway

Ryan's gonna have to

Terminate the call

I think here

And we'll call back

And ask directly for Thomas

Or Tom

I'll call him Thomas

He'll act like I'm cool

Like I know Tom's

The server Thomas

Ryan terminate the call please

Alright we will

Walk on

Bye

Motherfucker

calling him back.

Mr. Anderson.

Please listen to the options as our menu has changed.

For store hours and location

information, press 1.

Do you remember what it was for customer service?

8? For our deli, press 3.

For our floral department, press 4.

For our pharmacy, press 5.

For our produce department,

press 6. For our meat department,

press 7.

Alright, I'm calling for meats.

I got meat.

I got some meat.

Milkman, you should change your name to Meatman.

Please speak to me to help you.

Big Steve, how are you doing?

Oh, good.

I was trying to get through to Thomas, but the woman didn't know how to use the phone machine.

Remember, you told her how to do it, and she was like, I don't get it.

Okay, are you trying to talk to Tom?

I don't know.

Remember who I'm talking about, that girl?

No, I don't know who she is.

Oh, I called before.

She's like, Steve, I don't know how to transfer.

Oh, is that you, Alexander?

No, but I need to talk to this guy, Tom.

Oh, Tom.

Yeah.

Okay, I'll put you on.

Is he the grocery manager?

What does he do?

Yes, he is.

Well, hurry up and put him on.

How long is it going to take?

Pardon?

How long is it going to take?

To what?

To call him?

I need to speak to Tom.

Post haste.

Okay, hold on, please.

Well, I told her I could talk to a man.

It doesn't matter if it's a manager now, as long as it's a man.

Fucking ass.

Fucking cunt.

You're getting to the bottom of the Coca-Cola 8-pack versus 12-pack conspiracy here in Madhouse Radio.

They're eliminating one-third of your soda.

What the hell is that all about?

Milkman, it's not a quarter.

It's a third of the soda.

It's not a quarter.

So it's even more.

Is a third bigger than a half?

Yeah, exactly.

It is a third.

What's bigger, a third or a half?

I think you're correct in that.

No, no.

Yeah, a third...

No, a half is smaller.

It's bigger than a third.

Yeah, but no...

A third is smaller.

But, yeah, that would be six-pack.

No, this is...

Six-packs are fine.

When you go buy a six-pack, you know what you're getting.

That's fine.

That's a standard also.

But this eight-pack bullshit that's coming in where they took away four sodas...

But they elongated the box and made it shorter.

Yeah.

Until it took out four cans.

It took out four cans.

33% less.

Yeah.

They could probably make it packet so it's a lot easier to carry,

but they did it long ways so it's more psychological to make you think,

oh, you're still getting a lot of soda, but bullshit.

They took away a third of your sodas, everybody.

Right.

That's more than a fourth that we originally calculated.

And they didn't lower the price by 33%.

That's right.

That's right, Milkman.

Good point, man.

Oh, this just melts my butter.

Anyways, you got my number.

Just give me a call back.

Yeah, just call me back on the house, fine.

Thanks, bye.

All right, Jonathan, we'll call you back on your stupid house line.

Thank you for calling Safeway.

This is Amanda.

How may I help you?

Hi, Amanda.

I'm needing to speak to Tom, the manager.

Oh, Tom's not here right now.

He's off today.

Wait a minute now.

You said you were going to let me talk to Thomas.

I'm sorry.

I haven't spoke with you before.

I just answered the phone.

There was some other girl who sounds like you.

She's like, I don't know how to transfer the phone.

Oh, that was Courtney.

She was in the meat department.

Yeah, why don't you train Courtney on how to use the phone machine?

Because she's sitting there, and she's like, I don't know.

I can't tell you anything.

All right, well, I will talk to Courtney, and I will help her learn how to use the phone.

How do you put the caller on hold, and you hit conference, right?

And then you hit the extension?

Well, back here it's a little different because we have an automated answering system now,

so you can't just put people on hold in the Meet department.

Good.

You have to use a feature button.

so i'll teach them how to do that but what can i help you with well there's a problem because i go

in there and what is with all the eight packs of soda instead of the 12 packs um that's a

merchandising thing we have no control over what but listen shelves in the store your people are

making the prices right um that's a corporate issue yeah but why is control over that no i'm

not talking to you personally i am venting my frustration against your corporate machine

Which is charging me, took away, I calculated this here on my phone machine and you're taking away 33% of my sodas and you're charging me the same amount for an 8-pack that used to start as a 12-pack last year.

What kind of business is this?

What kind of way to do business is this?

I don't know, you're right.

That's not a good deal.

No, it says psychologically you're encroaching on me, and I demand satisfaction,

and I demand 33% back of my receipts.

We have a customer service line that you can call, and that will be more helpful.

Who's the accountant there?

Let me speak to the accounting department, please.

We don't have an accounting department here in the store.

When is the accounting open?

Who makes the accounting?

Who does the numbers?

It's corporate.

They send it to us.

So if there's a number at the bottom of your receipt,

Who counts the receipt?

Do you have your receipt with you?

Who's in charge of the receipts there?

It's all through computers, and we don't have control over the pricing.

So the number on the bottom of your receipt, you can call that, and they would be able to help you.

I'm calling this number.

That's the number I'm calling.

It was on the receipt.

It said for issues with pricing, call this number, and it has your number.

And it says Operator 12 on it.

Oh, I haven't seen that before.

Who's Operator 12?

This is probably the person who has the key.

This is the meat department.

Oh, can I speak to Operator 12?

I'm not aware of that feature.

It was on the receipt.

It said Operator 12 at your local store.

Oh, well, maybe that was the cash register that you went through.

So, yeah, who's Operator 12?

Let me speak to them because they obviously overcharged me for my soda.

You're charging the wrong price for it.

If you want to come in, you can talk to the customer service center.

It opens at 8 o'clock in the morning.

But I need you to pull them off the shelves.

You're charging more than you're supposed to for the soda.

You have the prices wrong.

The prices are wrong.

Okay, I'm going to put you on hold real quick, and I won't hang up on you.

And then you can speak to someone that has more authority than me.

Who?

Because I'm obviously not helping.

Liar.

Is it Tom?

No, Tom's not here right now.

He didn't work today.

Is it a man I'm going to talk to?

Yes.

Okay, good, good.

Would that make you happier?

Excuse me.

Huh.

What was your name again?

My name was Amanda.

I'm writing that down, Amanda.

What's the noise in the background?

Turn on the stop it.

We're on the phone.

Sorry, I'm in the meat department, and they're closing right now.

So let me put you on hold.

What are they doing?

Oh, they're closing up shop.

Oh, okay.

So why am I talking to the meat department?

Why did your system transform me to the imperial department?

Well, because when you transferred, when you pushed 12, it went towards the meat department,

and they can't put you on hold from here.

So I ran from up front so that I could assist you so that you would be helped.

I didn't know there was a 12 button on my phone, but okay, go ahead, honey.

Okay, I'm going to put you on hold, and then you can speak with Harry, okay?

Well, do you understand there's only ten digits on the phone, right?

Well, you can push one, and then you can push two.

Well, that's considered one, and then two, not twelve.

Like, I don't know how.

Okay, well, I don't want to argue with this.

So, I'm sorry that I couldn't help you, but I'm going to put you on hold and let you speak with Harry, okay?

If I hit three and nine at the same time.

Excuse me?

No, I'm just thinking how I hit twelve.

Maybe the three and nine at the same time.

Okay.

I'm going to put you on hold.

Is that okay?

Seven and five.

Yeah, go hurry up.

Yeah, get Tom on the line.

Thank you.

Okay.

I might have done seven and five.

Have a nice night.

Wait a minute, what are you doing?

I'm going to put you on hold.

What are you saying?

Are you going to hang up an accident?

Is that what you're saying?

No, sir, I'm going to put you on hold.

I'm going to let you speak with someone that can further assist you.

Oh, it sounded like you were blowing me off.

No, I just have to say goodbye because that's our routine.

Okay, sweetie.

Okay, have a nice night.

Bye, honey.

Talk to the manager now here.

We're going with all this.

She's sassy.

She is.

She's sassy and sassy.

Buddy, manhouse radio.

doing a prank call to a grocery store

complaining about the change in pricing

that they've recently enacted

where they are now charging the same

for an 8-pack that they used to

for a 12-pack at this time last year.

I looked at a receipt from last year

and I saw that it showed up right there.

If you want to call in tonight,

the line, not the toll-free line,

but we do have a number.

Right here in the madhouse.

That number is going to be 407-459-4534.

You can call it when we're done with this call

and join us on the air.

You know no one's coming back, right?

Well, she promised me.

She said goodbye.

All nice, right?

You think she is?

What was her name?

Amanda?

Oh, now it's coming back.

It's Amanda, the fat girl name.

All right, we'll call back then on our own, Milkman and Tuck.

Tuck, primarily, the person I'm speaking to directly about the situation.

It's not like a bullfrog sometimes, Milkman.

You're like...

Stupid.

Pull my finger.

Thank you for calling your friendly Anderson Safeway.

Using your touch-tone phone, make a selection from the following choices.

Your call will automatically transfer to our customer service desk.

Please listen to the options as our menu has changed.

For store hours and location information, press 1.

For our bakery, press 2.

For our deli, press 3.

For our floral department, press 4.

For our pharmacy, press 5.

For our produce department, press 6.

For our meat department...

Let's talk to produce.

One moment, please.

Number 7.

I love you, man.

Hi, Harry. Is this the man in charge and authority?

Yes.

Because I've been talking to several women there who don't know how to use the phone,

and they're supposed to transfer me to your office,

and they keep saying,

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this one, Courtney, doesn't know how to use the phone,

And she was talking to Steven that, Steve, I don't know what to do, that this man, son of a bitch,

he said, son of a, she said, someone said, I think the man or the woman there said, son of a bitch,

about me, I think.

He said, son of a bitch, son of a bitch, like that.

And I have a complaint because you people are charging the wrong price for the sodas.

Is that the same?

No, it's the right, you started charging me for the eight packs of what you used to charge for the 12 packs.

And I'm on your little game.

And you've been playing a trick on me, sir.

Is it the...

What's going on in the background?

Wait, wait, what's going on in the background?

What is this?

That's the...

I don't give you permission to, um, you know, put me on the intercom.

What is this?

What?

Why do I hear the intercom like you're talking from far away?

What's this?

I'm in my office.

Can you please take me on speaker?

This is very rude.

You should ask for permission before you put someone on speakerphone.

What's this?

Yes, you should ask for permission before you put someone on speakerphone.

What is this?

Okay, well...

Well, I was asking for answers as to, you know, we need to stop, you know,

You know, stop with the selling the sodas that are supposed to be 12-packs as 8-pack prices.

You're selling the 8-packs as well?

Okay, that has nothing to do with us.

That would be coming from corporate.

We don't have anything to do with...

But you agree that it's not right that you should be charging the same, you know, for four sodas less?

Well, I agree.

I agree totally.

Okay, so then we need to, you know, pull them from the shelf.

That isn't even my call.

That would come from corporate.

We can't even, I mean...

Well, I think this, no, this is a situation where it just needs to be done because you guys are,

or you have a problem, your computers are charging the wrong thing.

Like, I figured it out after all this time,

and, you know, who knows how much money that people have been paying extra.

Maybe you guys might have to, you know.

I don't think that you're charging the wrong prices that they charge.

No, I don't think so, because you're charging what you used to charge for $12.

So there's an obvious mistake in the computer.

No, I think it's probably just the economy is bad,

and so that's why they run the prices.

Come on, man.

I'm thinking. I'm not sure.

Well, I think it's a...

No, I know our prices do fluctuate, though.

I think it's some kind of joke that someone up there is doing something

where they're trying to pull the rug from underneath us.

They're charging us more for the same stuff and less of the stuff now even

than what we used to pay for it, and I think I'm on to this little thing.

I think they've been doing it for years, but that has nothing to do with it.

Sir, how do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

Guilty or not guilty to what?

To charging the wrong price.

Not guilty.

I have nothing to do with it.

Because, you know, you could be, you know, you might as well settle, you know, now for, you know, a mission that you admitted that you're making, you people are making a mistake.

I think someone's making a huge mistake.

You guys, someone put the wrong price, put the old price for the 12-pack instead of the 8-pack.

They put the wrong price in.

No, I don't think it's the price.

The price is that it's not even coming down from, that's not even, that has nothing to do with, we're not the ones who put prices on the sodas.

You got to go to the front?

No.

You a bagger?

No, I'm the manager.

Seriously, though, sir, I mean, I'm just looking for a little support here

because I don't want to call corporate and rat you guys out.

You guys are making a mistake.

I mean, I don't want you to get in trouble.

I don't want you to get in trouble.

You guys, you know, you guys have families to feed.

It's actually the corporate who makes the prices of the sodas.

I know, but you guys have families to feed and stuff,

and, you know, if I had to report the corporate, you're charging the wrong amount.

I mean, they could come and they could let some people go, and we don't want that.

They're looking for any excuse.

Any excuse corporate wants to get rid of our guys, man, and they blocked.

We tried to unionize, and they didn't let us unionize either.

The butchers, we tried.

Where are you?

Yeah, but remember the butchers tried to open a union, and then they blocked it.

They said, no, we can't.

Corporate, man, they're going to do something.

I'm telling you.

I'd rather not.

I mean, I just want, honestly, between me and you, before I go to that measure,

I want to give you guys an opportunity just to, you know, we'll keep it quiet,

and we'll just say, look, you know, we made a mistake.

We charged the wrong price, and then put it in, in the machine.

and the computer machine put it in that it said, you know, you should charge one-third.

How much is the two liters or the eight liters going on for, the eight packs?

How much are they going for? $2.99?

I honestly do not know. You want me to go check for you?

Can you give a rough estimate? I mean, will you say like $2.99 maybe?

I'm not even sure. I can go check for you, though.

How long is it going to take, though?

It'll take me about two minutes.

No, no. Keep on the line. Keep him on.

All right, go ahead and go.

This is against my better judgment and, you know, and the milkman's judgment,

but I think you should go ahead and go and find out.

All right, hold on.

All right, we're right here.

No, Milkman, we've got to get down to this.

We've got to start doing some math with these people.

We can't let them get away with this.

This is not fair.

Tell him to not forget his retainer this time.

No, it's not fair.

We'll be right back with more from that place, Safeway Grocery Store here,

where we're discussing the recent hikes in soda prices,

which, as I said, have been pushed under the nose.

you know these soda uh soda companies and safeway and all these grocery stores uh grocery and

supermarket consortiums and i think that walmart even is involved have uh pushed these eight packs

of sodas on us for the same price of a 12 pack and i'm on with a little game and there's something

else going on here they're gonna do another hike of their prices folks you're gonna see 12 packs

of soda going for like ten dollars and i'm not kidding you it's fucking madness we busted

at McDonald's charging an extra

10 cents for the same hamburger

depending on if you ordered as a McDouble

with an extra slice of cheese or just

the regular double cheeseburger.

We caught them in a lie today as well.

And as a matter of fact...

What is up with this Republican country, man?

I don't know.

Republican Milkman, we have the control.

It's a Republican conspiracy.

Milkman, we have cloture control of the Senate

and we have control of the House.

And we have the White House.

I don't think it's a Republican country anymore.

And we have the Madhouse.

Don't blame me.

I voted for McCain.

No, I'm kidding.

Anyway, we're going to wait for...

I'm kidding.

No, I didn't.

I know I didn't.

I was learning about this manga, this anime guy.

There's an anime series of a boxer.

It's a Japanese boxer.

I forgot the name of it, but I wanted to check it out.

It looked really cool.

Some of my co-workers were talking to me about it.

I think it's in its third or fourth season right now.

If anybody remembers what it is, let me know.

I really want to catch up and see what it is.

I heard good things about this boxing-styled related anime.

I don't think it's one of those you've got to go to Netflix and rent the movie or buy it or something.

Big Outlaw asking, is Chuck going to be on next?

No, Chuck did say that he's got to work until late tonight.

So we're open row.

If you don't want me on, Big Outlaw, because you're an asshole or other like that Tama Lamra trick,

And you let me know and I'll get off.

And you can go on and do a better job if that's what you want.

Stupid.

Pull my middle finger.

I'm drinking a very salty coffee.

I put salt in my coffee with cinnamon.

It's good for diabetics.

Man, I have ran into this awesome place, man.

It has the $3 margarita and 38 cent honey barbecue wings every day.

Happy hour.

12.06 a.m.

It is now Friday, July the 17th.

Good job.

Take it easy, Tam.

Tam, I know you were insulting me, silly.

I'm referring to last week when we had words for each other.

When we had a detente between you and me.

Hi.

I respect Tamaralam.

I think she's a quite capable young lady.

Hot and sexy words.

And I like her.

I like her.

I like her spunk.

A man sometimes needs a spunky girl.

Give her a nice spank.

I've got B more spunk.

A nice apple bottom.

Apple shaped bottom.

Give her a nice little cup spank.

Make her bark for you.

you ever make a girl bark for you milkman i thought it was fun we know tuck hasn't um you

know i don't know yeah mammy c3 clay is correct hijime no ipo that's what it is children of the

confederate girls on there reclude checking in record wants to call in record's going to be

calling in a second let me tell you they'll go anywhere record calling in a second bitches

reclude any second now might be that call that tucked in about the dog at one time

What club was that?

I love your Queen Mother's Dead music when you call in.

You still don't even know how to fix that, do you?

I just never put any effort into it.

I just forget.

Like, you'll tell me now, and I'll think about it for, like, five seconds, and I just won't remember.

Yeah, and you'll be like, oh, look, Cheetos.

And you'll go away.

Exactly.

Yeah, dude, what's up?

What the fuck's up with the studio, man?

You mixing the...

Yeah, dude, actually, I've been doing a ton of music.

I can narrate a book.

What?

You narrate a book?

About what?

I swear to God, dude, it's like I get the most random shit in here.

you have no idea like and like so this guy comes to me and he was like jay i got a book and it's

about girls and shop girls it's this fantasy book about how like weird because it's this guy right

and his daughter's then like you know like 12 year old fucking soft or whatever you call that

and then uh son like won't let it doesn't want him to use her name or got tight in the book so

he had to change the name weird ass thing anyways i'm reading the book and getting like 400 bucks

it gives a fuck whatever man that's 53 pages to read the fucking book you got to send me an mp3

of that when you the the is there any is there any lesbianism in the in the softball story no

i mean it's just fucking that 2008 olympics japan won and our daughter and valerie and ali

were pitchers i mean you have no idea dude that's but hey dude it's the easy 400 bucks there you go

if you're watching but i just opened up a pack of wisps these are by colgate i bought them today

at kmart i was hanging out with i'm showing them in the video right now this here is a mini

toothbrush okay and it has a little dental pick at the end of it oh those are cool and they look

at their mini brush with freshening beads basically it's a little toothbrush but you

don't need to use water i think those to work for lunch they're like disposable toothbrushes

and they have like the there's a bead of this liquid stuff that you can brush i'm about to

He used it for the first time.

My lung is a toothpick.

Milkman says he likes it.

So, yeah, it's about the size of a toothpick, and it has a brush at the end of it,

and it freshens your breath and everything.

You can brush your teeth and not even rinse your mouth.

Different flavors, Milkman says.

Yeah, it sounds crazy.

Anyway, Reclude, I got numbers.

Did you hear about, you know, I've been complaining about this thing with the sodas.

Have you noticed what I'm talking about?

They started charging more for sodas?

Yeah, fucking, I don't know.

There's only a couple places doing it around here.

Some of them are still cheap

It's bullshit

It's a bitch though

What are they trying to pull shit

Where they only include 8 now or something

Yeah 8 for the same price

Hey we got the

If you remember last year

You did a prank call that's called

Black confederate sister

You had a sister who was black or something

Or something like that

Your wife was black

And you wanted her to be able to join the confederates

I was just telling somebody about that the other day

Yeah, well, the convention is back in town.

They're here in Orlando this time around, as a matter of fact.

Oh, it's a convention.

Yes.

Nice.

The Daughters of the Confederacy, or the Children of the Confederacy Convention, it's called.

They changed the name.

It sounds like a cult.

It does, it does.

And we also have a clown convention here as well, Reclute, if you feel interested in that.

Oh, God.

Yeah, see, I'd be more interested in that, because those people have no fucking sense of humor.

Right.

And that's the weirdest thing.

I mean, if they have any sense of humor, they're, like, burying men under their fucking, on their fucking basement, like Wayne Gacy.

Yeah, doing nasty, yeah, like, you know, perverted crimes, you know, like, you know, yeah.

Yeah, after that, after that, I've never looked at clowns the same, between him and Tim Curry and fucking it.

I just, I don't know, clowns don't seem so innocent to me anymore.

No, no, not at all, no, no.

So, I'm waiting for the information, I've read, Nunu said that there was a clown convention, so I'm waiting for the info from him.

In the meantime, I can tell you we've got a few grocery stores and a few McDonald's if you want to give one a call.

Oh, he's still working on all that.

Yeah, he is.

Unless you want to call the Confederacy.

I've got names for the Confederates if you want to give them a call.

I said we'd do that while we wait for the clowns.

What's the name of some old generals?

I sent it to their website.

General Lee is like the most famous, right?

General Lee.

Yeah, maybe we say like we're in the bloodline of General Lee or some shit.

Right, right.

Or who was the other one?

Forrest.

Wasn't there a Forrest also?

Also, F-O-R-R-E-S-T.

General Johnson.

Neville Bessler.

I don't know.

Let's think of a part of Leonard Skinner or something.

Yes, Leonard Skinner or something.

All right, cool.

All right, everybody.

We're going to do that.

Waiting for the clown convention information from Nunu in the meantime.

We'll probably have more fun with that.

But whatever.

We'll see what we can do.

Just a moment.

Thank you.

This is Jeremiah Lee.

What's going on with the phone?

Like, last week this happened, too.

Remember?

Whenever I tried to put you through, it would knock you off.

What kind of phone are you on?

A fucking cell phone.

It ain't my goddamn fault.

I was calling from a fucking, from a landline last...

Okay.

I don't know why they keep shutting you off, and you couldn't even call the number, right?

No, I didn't know if you were...

I was taking a fucking piss, and I didn't know if you were hearing it or not.

No, I wasn't.

I was going to work it into the prank call, but...

I don't know, maybe it dropped out.

Okay, I'm going to try to call him one more time and see if this works.

Sorry, man.

All right, who is this now?

Let me see here.

I copy-paste you...

Some broad?

I copy-paste you the information.

There's a few people that are there.

Okay, so we're just calling...

We're just basically...

Okay, we're just calling the front desk.

We don't have any numbers of the...

No, no, not room numbers.

Just ask for names.

Ask to speak to, you know, Mr.

Miss Dixie.

What the fuck?

Who the fuck is called Dixie?

I know.

This is Mr. Will Myers from Virginia.

Mr. Justin Harris.

Dixie Chalet.

That's fucking great.

Dixie Chalet.

That's so country.

That's so redneck.

Dixie Chalet.

Third vice president.

Like, what the fuck are their duties to, like...

Yeah, man.

I wonder which one hangs people.

Hey, this toothbrush is great.

This Colgate.

Oh, it's awesome, man.

I'm telling you.

It's great.

It's awesome.

It's cool, isn't it, dude?

Yeah, it's cool, man.

It's cool, man.

It's as good as this fucking Northern Lights I got in front of me here.

Okay, Northern Lights.

Interesting.

Don't go anywhere.

Hang on.

Let's try this.

Are you raping these people or what?

Yeah, something with that other line just kicks us off.

I don't know why.

Every time I try to click over, it just doesn't want to do it.

Call them straight away.

Just note star six out of anything.

Just do it straight?

Just call them straight.

Don't be a pussy.

All right, cool.

Then we'll just call the police.

All right.

Any information you have for new, new on the clown convention?

Let's see.

Do children of confederacy.

Well, they're not picking up at the hotel, Noonoo.

I don't get it.

I'll try it again.

It has a caller ID when it's going out.

I'll try a different one.

See if they pick up this way.

Yeah, put your number on there.

We sure do.

And, of course, from the UK.

Remember that was.

Man, Dixie Shillette from Florida.

Here we go.

Clown Jam, July 15th to 19th in Branson, Missouri,

at the Stone Castle Resort and Conference Center.

That's got to be the lamest fucking convention on Earth.

Clown Jam.

All right, cool.

Cool, so...

It's going to be the...

Dude, I wonder if there's, like, pictures online.

I've got to see it.

Fucking...

Yeah, let's...

It said it was Clown Jam in Branson.

In Branson, Missouri.

Yeah.

Clown Jam.

Isn't Branson, like, the Las Vegas for old Christian people?

Yeah.

Isn't it?

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like for, like, old hillbilly people, really.

Right, right.

I mean, it's kind of like...

I mean, yeah, it's more towards that Bible Belt-ish sort of thing.

But, yeah, it's just...

I mean, it's a fucking disaster.

Here we go.

Different kind of clown...

Whoa.

Different kind of clown convention.

Oh, my God.

There's a guy with a balloon sculpture of a dick.

Broke a dick and went to have some veils.

A real disturbing looking guy.

It's at clownjam.com, actually.

Yeah, is it really?

Okay.

Yeah, let's get some info.

Do you have any names?

Oh, my God, dude.

These people are disturbing looking.

Holy shit.

Wait a minute, dude.

There's this one, like, fucking chick that's hot.

Let me see here.

It's a hot clown.

Heather Banks.

Heather Banks, president and CEO of Silly Farm Supplies.

What?

Silly Farm.

Is a Florida State University graduate, experienced face painter.

that's what she did

at FSU

to learn clown

painting jobs

oh dude

I'll paint your

fucking face

oh yeah

look at that

there was a clown

yeah yeah

oh dear

Heather started

painting when she

was only 15 years

old

taught by her

aunt Marsha

mama clown

Murad

Heather quickly

took to face

painting

and made a

how can you

make a career

out of fucking

face painting

right

how can you

really do that

she's got some

gums though

look at her

you see her gums

here on top of her

teeth

that's her fucking

top lip

what are you

On crack

Oh is that her top lip

Yeah

It looks weird

Well I don't know

They'll have to see her

Without the makeup

Yeah

But she looks

I mean I don't know

Just the way it looks

Look at Earl Chaney

Earl Chaney

Look at him

It looks like a child

It looks like fucking

They all look like Gacy

Oh look

Hey that's the one we called

She's a disturbing looking

Motherfuckers

Let me tell you

We called Carol

We called Holiday Coleman

That's the one that cursed me out

She told me to go fuck myself

Really

Yeah that's the clown right there

That told me to go fuck myself

Like six months ago

Well, she's, I mean, look at her.

She's a, she's a real deal.

Yeah, that's the one, and then, yeah.

She's full-time.

She doesn't fuck around.

Here's DJ Alert, E-H-L-E-R-T, a professional entertainer, performance and marketing expert.

That guy looks like, I mean, this is like a sex offender list.

Yes, Jim Howe, he looks like a sex offender.

Look at Tom, Tommy Boy King.

He's the West Virginia's premier family entertainer.

That guy fucks like sheep.

The guy below him probably.

We talked to the president of clowns.

That's, dude, you remember that, right?

Don't you remember we talked to the president of the clowns?

He made this big thing that he was going to track us.

Yeah, and he kept calling back.

Remember, he kept calling the whole next day?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Who was that?

That's him.

That's Tommy Boy King.

That's the president of the clowns.

Oh, my God.

That looks...

I mean, come on, dude.

Like, if you're going to dress up, why don't you put on fucking makeup?

Like, why would you just wear a red nose and stuff like you're in a real estate fucking picture?

Yeah, right.

He's like...

West Virginia.

He's West Virginia.

Man, let's fuck with him.

Did he have any sort of accent or what?

No, he was just a guy, and he was, like, he was threatening you with something, I think.

I'm trying to remember what the fuck it was.

He was threatening me?

He was threatening you and me.

He was like, yeah, I'm the prisoner.

Dude, I'll be honest with you, I don't, I barely remember calling.

I must have been really fucked up that night.

Yeah, yeah, but the prisoner.

Dude, look below, look two below the people below him, though.

I've got to be the most disturbing fucking clowns I've ever seen.

Salty, the clown?

He's called because he looks like he could get burned in a fucking fire.

There's Tater D. Clown.

That one, I mean, that's a broad.

Yeah.

Fucking hang yourself.

Yeah, what kind of woman calls herself Tater?

I know you're a clown, but still, Tater, have some decency for yourself.

See, that's what I'm saying.

Like, you know what's hilarious?

It's like these people are supposed to, like, their jobs are like humor.

Right.

And it's, but they have none.

They have none, yeah.

Yeah, this clown.

Let's call Heather Banks and just start fucking talking creepy to her.

Yeah, she's, I think her son's going to Iraq or something.

She painted her, oh, all right.

Yeah, well, she told me that, and I said, well, that's good.

Heather Banks did?

No, Carol Holiday Coleman.

I'm sorry, yeah, you're saying Heather Banks, right?

I'm not looking at any fucking thugs like that.

I'm looking at the...

The hottie.

Only halfway decent looking, more about, she painted her way through college.

Oh, my God.

Is that possible?

Took over silly farm supplies, airbrushing around.

Oh, okay.

That's pretty, I mean, shit, that's a pretty easy fucking job.

I wouldn't want to work with kids at all, though, I mean.

Yeah, here we go directly from April 23rd.

We talked to attendees at a clown convention.

One of them told me to go fuck myself later on.

The president of clowns threatens Hollywood Vanya with a phone trace.

And we inquire on the lack of black clowns.

Okay, I don't think that.

That must have been Hollywood, maybe.

That's, yeah, that's from our April 23rd show.

So, yeah, we talked to this guy.

I was like, I'm the president of clowns.

You know who I am.

I fucking love this, though, dude.

This is ball busting.

Like, I love these people, dude.

These are the best people to fuck with.

Because, I mean, they're the saddest fucking weird-ass people, dude.

But they can fucking take it.

Come on, they're fucking clowns, you know?

Well, they should be able to.

Come on, these people are like Nazi clowns.

Right.

I mean, they're like so super fucking point.

Okay, we're calling the clowns.

They're going to wear a record.

Which one?

Heather Banks, the hot one.

Let's talk about the face painting, you know?

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, the first one.

President, CEO of Silly Farm.

Like, who do you want to be?

Let's see here.

Silly farm spoil.

We've got to do the face painting thing.

We've got to have a, let's see.

Why would we need a lot of people to get their face painted?

I'm trying to think.

Wait a minute.

Let me see.

Real quick, before we call, schedule.

All right.

So she's going to be like, let's talk about, okay, the healing power of laughter.

This has got to be like, I almost want to go just to see how bad it is.

All right.

Uh-huh.

Let me see here.

I'm going to find what Eberron's going to be at.

Lunch with a new friend.

Inexpensive, but not cheap, easy magic.

Beginning face painting.

There we go.

Okay.

Okay, Wednesday, July 15th.

Fuck.

All right, well, there we go.

Let's see if they've got a gospel magic for clowns.

Gospel magic for clowns.

Oh, that one weirdo looking to fire a victim.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Competition, children must meet.

Oh, man, they don't need to have children around that fucking place.

What are they having tonight?

One of my kids get molested at that fucking thing.

What do they have tonight on Thursday?

Let me check the schedule.

Thursday night.

Thursday night they have We Got Game by Tom King.

Tom King.

That's him.

that's the president we should we'll know what it was about okay wait a minute i don't already

have a dealer there's a hobo dinner and hobo costume contest tomorrow i'm so glad we saw this

or who found this new new new new found it yeah yeah that's great great job yeah man hobo dinner

and hobo costume contest what is he a clown how did he find out about this i don't know i don't

know he just he looks up conventions like ahead of time and he he knows the whole convention season

it's like yeah convention season are you fucking serious they have two seasons a year they have

like the summer one

and the winter one

and yeah

there's like tons

of crazy conventions

like the

he's right though

yeah

I mean

that's

they do

yeah

they have their

two seasons

apparently

I guess

is a big thing

alright

the magic

storytelling

Steve Kiff

like

this is fascinating

I want to take

this people

like

you think we should

act like goofy

like a clown

kinda

no

I

No black clowns.

All right, so let's, maybe we should get a number.

This is, because they're too busy parading around with Michael Jackson right now with,

I'm trying to think of like William Sharpton or somebody.

Yeah.

No, I think they're over that.

Let's get NAACP here.

NAACP officer or something, I don't know.

Getting a name?

Let's see here.

This black president, NAACP, needed to keep, will you stop with this motherfucking shit?

Let's see here.

Just trying to find a name real quick.

there is none

because nobody cares

yeah

we'll just say you're from

the NAACP

John

Jealous

okay here we go

Tony

Troy Davis

that's a guy getting a death vote

yes

um

Reggie Clemens

no that's another guy

going to death

no

Benjamin Jealous

no because they'll think

that's a fucking prank

yeah that's a stupid name

do any of these people

is this a serious site

Hurricane

you think it's all

fucking names

hey I'm Mark

Hurricane Katrina

I'm the world

Tell me you're Tron Williams.

Tron Williams.

Michael Vick, I gotta do community service.

There you go.

So I need to know how to face paint.

There you go.

We'll call Tom King.

Like I said, he was a hoot last time, so we'll call him instead.

Alright, let's do it.

We'll call him in the first round.

Tom King's like the guy that we called in the fuckin' thread.

Yes, yes, that's him.

He's nice.

Fuckin' ass.

Alright.

Confirmation from New New, the NAACP have their convention going on right now.

Thanks for calling the Fantastic Wholesale and Conference Center.

Formally I'm going to settle in.

This is Ashley.

How may I direct your call?

Yes, this is Henry Johnson.

We're trying to reach Mr. Tom King.

He's there for the convention.

Tom King.

He's there for the clown jam.

Yeah?

Okay, yeah, he's here.

I don't know if he's in his room.

Well, we can give it a try, you know.

All right.

Because it's pretty important as far as show tomorrow we're doing down at the convention.

All right, let me try it.

All right, thank you.

You've reached the Settle In's message center.

Please hold.

Try Heather Banks.

Thanks.

All right.

This is Jeremiah.

How can I help you?

Yes, how are you doing?

This is Ron Johnson, NWACP.

I'm trying to reach Heather Banks.

She's president and CEO of Silly Farm Supply.

She's in that clown gym.

Right.

I talked to her yesterday morning.

Yeah.

She said she was headed to Miami and then Germany.

She said she was here for a day.

Oh, man.

This is real important because there's something going on tomorrow.

What about Carol Coleman?

I know maybe she's there.

I know she's a big into that. Uh, yeah, it's good something going on with that. Uh tomorrow something about they have an event

I just need to talk to them lost contact. Uh, my secretary lost contact with them. Thank you

Her

name was Carol.

3111, do you want me to transfer you to her room?

Yes, sir.

Do you want the room number?

The Settle In's Message Center. The guest you are trying to reach, please hold.

Where the clowns at?

The NAACP has their convention going on right now.

We're calling Stone Pestle. Formerly known as Jeremiah. How can I help you?

Yes, sir. I believe I just talked to you.

Okay, we're just trying to find somebody, get somebody involved with it.

I want to try Steve Kissel.

He's another, he's like a gospel clown from Kentucky.

Right.

And what does that sort of thing?

3009.

3009, okay, that sounds good.

Go ahead and transfer it to him.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

We're going to pull a Jack Valencia.

Room service.

Speak to Steve Kissel.

Is he?

Okay, well, this is Ron Johnson of the NAACP.

How are you doing this evening?

What can I help you with?

Well, pretty much, I'm going to be at the convention tomorrow,

and I know you guys have, I'm trying to get a hold of Tom King,

but I can't seem to get a hold of him.

He's in room 3005, and I'm sure.

3005.

Well, this is a little bit important with that.

So pretty much you're doing a workshop.

Yes.

Okay, well, I'll be there for that.

The problem is we have an absence of black clowns, African-American clowns,

We wanted to interview some of your subjects for doing a report on that.

I just pretty much wanted to pretty much get in touch with everybody that's doing the forums and such, the showcases, all that.

Okay.

We'll have it in the morning, and you know where we are.

Okay, that's great.

Oh, we got cut off there.

Well, that's fine.

I mean, what would be your opinion on the subject?

I just don't see that many Africans.

I don't know if it's exclusion.

Exclusion, that's what we're trying to find out, basically, if it's on the basis of exclusion or, you know, something along that line.

We just want to make sure that everybody's been treated fair.

Well, it could be a matter of population.

I'm back east in Norfolk, black, and we have a lot of black, you know, ratio of the race.

What, do you mean they don't travel?

No, it could be that the thing is the concentration of blacks are in the east could be, of clowns are in the east.

Black clowns? Clowns or blacks?

If you look at the population of the United States, the greatest amount of population is on the East Coast.

Blacks.

Well, no, people. The greatest amount of clowns are on the East Coast.

But, I mean, I just don't understand why they don't come to Orlando.

I think there's some kind of, I mean, you see what I'm saying?

I mean, you could say that, but, I mean, when it really comes down to it, you know,

I mean, I think maybe they're being excluded from your convention.

I think that's when I get to the bottom of it.

You're welcome to come out. We have no way of excluding any race.

Are you positive of that?

or just several that's what i mean i mean it's a small little you know what i'm saying it's a

small little population of those and that's that's issue we're taking of them what we're going to do

actually because we actually had a couple uh kind of like uh secret shoppers but they weren't secret

shoppers they were actually uh members of our group that tried to register and got turned away

for various reasons so that's i mean that's why so there's actual incident and it's not exactly

just hearsay or just kind of you know what i mean i mean so that's why we're investigating

all righty well i i take care of the registration and i've not oh really well i mean there's

something going on i mean you want to just kind of fess up or what nothing to everybody for

anything and registration tomorrow is open at 8 30 and we'll be glad to chat with you then

uh one thing are you related to john wayne gacy no sir i'm not hey goodbye for your face i want

That was good at the end there.

A bite for his face.

You guys are so dumbasses.

Gave us like every room number.

You motherfuckers.

So we can call back and order room service.

I doubt this hotel has room service, though.

You never know.

Oh, come on.

They got, well, they're gonna.

It's a clown convention.

They gotta have something.

Returning to main menu.

You have.

I need ten whoopee cushions, please.

Okay, so what we got that 3,005 is the king.

That's the president, and then this guy's like the assistant that we just talked about.

That was funny, though.

I mean, at least that guy had somewhat, you know what I'm saying,

at least somewhat of a head on his shoulders.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It wasn't as good of a prank.

So he said Tom King is probably sleeping is what he told us?

Is that the deal?

Well, of course he's sleeping.

It's his job to wake his ass up and have him take the toilet seat and smash the window.

Put a towel under the door.

Yeah, dude, that's fucked up.

You heard those, right?

Dude, it's going to ruin it for people like me.

Take your seltzer bottle.

Take your seltzer bottle, yeah.

Take your seltzer bottle and throw it through the window.

Your TV's got a gas leak.

We need you to use your seltzer bottle on the TV.

Just throw it out the window.

I will never do that.

I'm not about to get fucking thousands of dollars.

That's just dumb, dude.

I'm surprised.

I mean, then again, I don't.

I mean, if people are going to give money to fucking people in Nigeria and stupid shit like that, I guess.

There are some stupid people, man.

Some people are just born fucking stupid.

Stupid.

Yeah.

Someone calls you at the Blue at a hotel, and you go, so, yeah, sure, I'll throw.

The one hearing that happened in Orlando this week, they got the guy to take the toilet, the tank off.

You know the top of the toilet tank?

Yeah, yeah.

He took off the top of it and threw it through the window and broke it.

Yeah, yeah.

I heard a couple of those calls.

Not the ones recently, but ones before where they were telling people.

That's fucking stupid, man.

God.

I can't believe people are still doing that.

Like, when did this happen?

This is this week here in Orlando.

Yeah, I'm not kidding you.

that happened this week

in Orlando

it's fucking retarded

I mean

two things

call the front desk

number one

call the fucking police

or fire department

you know what I mean

like I don't understand why

yeah like get verification

first

that's pretty

much of a fucking

you know

that's a pretty big move

to be throwing shit

through the window

or when I just say

fuck that

I'm just gonna walk out

you know

just run

you know

why am I gonna sit there

and fucking

yeah

get the fuck out

fuck that

stop smoking fucking joints

yeah

it's like

no fuck that

I think I'm gonna leave

Thank you.

So, all right, so we got Tom.

Man, that broad was, I like that sweet talk, that fucking face painting.

Yeah, she's going to win in Germany.

She gets around, man.

She travels.

It's hot.

Can you believe that shit?

That fucking broad is face painting.

It's sort of like Germany and where else?

Miami.

Miami tomorrow and Germany over the weekend.

Crazy, right?

That's insane.

For face painting.

You know something's up.

I don't know about that.

Yeah, she's probably a fucking escort.

Yeah.

No one's fucking face painting their way through flying to Germany for shows and shit like

There's some fucking flim-flam up with that.

No way.

I'm trying to find, see if she's ugly from the neck down.

The only one I found was on that cloud.

I'm doing a Google search.

All right, you fucking cocks.

There's a lot of hot-looking Heather Banks, though.

I'll tell you what.

Heather Honey Bee Banks.

Try that.

Heather Bee Banks.

Well, it says Honey Bee is her name, I guess.

Honey Bee Banks or Honey Bee.

Honey Bee.

Yeah.

With the letter B, not B-E-E.

There's the letter B.

That's so silly

Oh my gosh

There's some

African American

Militant looking

Dyke here

Clown

Let's see here

Honey Bee Banks

At Clown Jam

Let's see here

Heather Armstrong

Heather B. Watts

All glocks down

I don't know

Some broad with teeth

I don't know

What are you going to do

I don't know

What are we going to do

Let's see what else

We got here

So yeah

Well let's keep going

This sounds good

I mean we can

Let's see here

So we got

I forgot the fucking numbers

3,011

3,009 was the

The one we just talked to, Salton Kissel.

Okay, and that's that burn victim.

Kissel.

Burn victim Kissel.

3-1-1-1 was the broad, right?

The angry broad?

I believe so, yes.

Okay, let's get that down here.

That's so fucking funny, dude.

I can't believe this shit.

I can't believe this shit goes on.

Right.

Well, we could try David Risley.

What's he do?

He's a play...

What?

It has nothing for him.

He's got a rabbit coming out of a hat.

And there's also Connie Tater the Clown Lundeen.

Why would they leave the Latin placeholder text?

They forgot to put it in his section.

Laura Mipson.

Yeah, you ever seen Laura Mipson, Dolores Sudame?

Yeah, I mean, they didn't take the time to fill out his information.

What the hell does that mean, anyway?

It's supposed to just babble.

It's like Latin babble, just to make it look like it's real text, you know, just for testing purposes for a website.

Gotcha, gotcha.

It's nonsense, not actual Latin.

Okay.

All right, so let's see here.

We got this.

Is there anybody else?

Because I don't...

Well, Dave Risley is the guy who's going to do storytelling with puppets.

And apparently he's in right now, is what Nunez is telling us.

That sounds pretty good.

Okay.

It sounds pretty funny.

Let me see here.

Lorem Ipsum, huh?

He's in Lorem Ipsum, yeah.

We should just call him up and say the Latin.

Lorem Ipsum.

Adam Valorum.

Let's do it.

Fuck it.

All right, cool.

We'll keep calling him.

Good idea.

Okay, hang on.

Don't do nothing.

Let me play this Puerto Rican music here.

You're in honor of the Puerto Rican clowns that we just learned about.

I'm so proud of my race.

Really? Where?

He said that we have Asian clowns and Puerto Rican clowns.

Huh.

Puerto Rican clowns.

I wouldn't trust it with my kids at all.

Fuck that.

It's still your shit.

Fucking self-hating.

Yeah.

Fuck it. I hate my people.

It's true. It's true.

We're bad and we steal stuff.

What do you want?

Fuck your women, your white women.

We'll make them cheat on you.

Tom King, I want to reach Dave Risely, please.

Dave Risely?

Yes.

L-E-Y.

Room 3005, and I'll transfer you there now.

All right, thank you.

You're welcome.

Wait a minute.

No, no, no.

King's number.

It's 11.

You've reached the settle-in.

Fuck.

Please hold.

Is there anyone we can dial direct?

I want to speak to Jim Howey, please.

Howey?

For the convention.

W-I-E.

Probably spelled under Janes, I believe.

W-I-E?

Yes, sir.

Such a problem here.

Which convention?

Okay, let's try, I'll tell you what, let's try Earl Chaney.

I know he knows.

He's in deep with that.

What was it?

Earl Chaney.

E-N-N-E-Y?

Uh, it's, uh, C-H-A-N-E-Y.

Okay, uh, one last one.

Okay, we got, uh, Dana.

Let me spell this for you.

It's, uh, A-B-E-N-D-S-C-E-I-N.

Could be under that or Jane, his wife.

She's in room, uh, 3,001.

I'll transfer you to her now.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Would this be Dana?

This is great.

This is Romper the Clown.

How you doing this evening?

Um, pretty much just trying to make it into the convention here and just trying to get a spot.

So, uh, think you could help me out with that?

You need to talk to Steve Kidd.

Okay, well, pretty much, I know you guys have got something going on, so, I mean, can I, do you mind if I take part in your show?

You've got, I see you've got a character development on Saturday, and I figured that'd be a great time to kind of show what I can do.

Maybe get some gigs and stuff, I'm not sure how many, too many people are doing it, but, I mean, I do, I'm great.

I'm kind of like an acrobatic clown, but I also do a little bit of magic and do stuff like that.

I've got a wonderful promo video.

That's great.

So let's talk about it.

I mean, where can we go with this?

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, I don't mind giving a cut for all sales to somebody who can help me.

I mean, that's, you know what I'm saying?

Money's no problem.

You know, I'm well, and I know I'm working my way up, so that's fine.

I can cut somebody in like that.

That'd be great.

Well, you'll have to talk to Steve Kitt.

Okay.

So pretty much.

He's the conference coordinator.

Okay.

You can just, you know, ask for him.

Okay, gotcha.

What about the character development?

You call the hotel, so you can call them.

Gotcha.

What about character development?

We could dial the rag, because that guy's going to catch on.

No, the guy's not.

He doesn't give a fuck.

He's like, all right.

Tom King?

Yeah, he's in room 3111.

Here you go.

Yeah, well, he said the last one was 5001, right?

I got a feeling.

3001.

Because they're all on the same.

It looks like they're all, like, right next to each other.

Yeah, they're probably running it out in the bank.

I'm trying to think.

Let me see.

I mean.

These guys really aren't getting pissed.

I don't know.

I don't think I'm pressing them hard enough, probably not.

This will either be the direct line or it might be,

because I think they probably have a PBX system.

But we'll try it.

If not, it'll be some random number, some random house.

Let's give it a shot.

Recklood, I'm going to head out.

That sounds good.

I'm going to smoking.

Cool.

Enjoy that, man.

Have a good weekend.

We'll talk to you soon.

All right, next week it is.

Later.

Peace, bro.

That's my man, Recklood, calling in.

Thank you, Recklood, for calling in, sir.

It's 1 o'clock in the morning.

It's time.

The verdict sent in this to play.

Fucking prank calls

Shit

If I got them all up

It would be a good thing

You gotta get into it man

Minus two and a half hours

I'm not gonna go around

Fishing around your thing

For prank calls

Here on your YouTube channel

Verdict

So why don't you send me

An edited prank call

Edited out

And then we'll think about

Doing that

Anyway I think we've

Exhausted things here

We had a good time

We talked about

McDonald's right

Guys

Tuck

Milkman

We talked to McDonald's

About their scam

We talked to

Yeah, let's do it, man.

Yeah, we talked to the Safeway for several times and talked about the soda scam.

We had some fun with a casino also before that.

And then Rick would round the things out and call some clowns.

I think we had a good night, man.

Did you call the hookers?

No, the escorts.

You want to call that guy that got pissed off at me last time we called him?

He said he had a bachelor's or whatever.

Yeah, that's right.

I forgot his name.

But, yes, let's give that a call.

This is AAA Hot Jocks and Babes Escort in Dallas, Texas.

We talked to them, oh, about maybe a month ago,

and the guy got really pissed off at me.

He told me that he has, what, a bachelor's in geology or something.

Wasn't it something stupid like that?

Some kind of bullshit like that.

Wasn't it something stupid?

Hang on.

I got the information here.

He said he has a master's in chemistry, according to Testio.

Master's in chemistry, apparently.

Oh, masturbators and homotology.

Yeah, exactly.

All right, let's give this guy a call.

This is going to be the guy, the escort place that is angry that doesn't like Carlito because

they're racist, like Tuck is.

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

Hi, this is Chris.

Sorry I missed your call.

Please leave a message and I will call you right back.

Interesting.

Didn't we have a prank call?

Oh, well, we did try.

Wasn't there a prank call recently, Milkman, where I talked to a hooker and I said she

was too fat?

What was that about?

out and how come how come i did she called back was that two weeks ago right didn't i said yeah

i was like yeah yeah you were really pissed off because you was you was asking her she was fat

yeah yeah she's like well i'm a little big like no you're fat you're fat how tall are you she

told me and she's like you know 160 pounds or something yeah you're all offended and she's a

fucking hooker yeah right dude she's like she says like yeah the the lady the the you know i called

of her she's like yeah you were really fat you're so fat and she's like uh excuse me who said that

she's like getting upset like you know don't ever call me again yeah yeah yeah she got pretty bad i

don't know why i don't have that here i thought i could have sworn uh oh here we go yeah here we go

do you have big girls let's play that here and we're gonna round out the night yeah play that

one yeah wrapping things up here in madhouse radio uh we'll be right here henry tonight uh i can play

one on madhouse radio sure we can do that no problem right back in a moment folks enjoy this

this for a few minutes do you have any big girl i do that would be mercedes she's five seven long

red hair green eyes 38 c 30 38 she's in her early 20s all right yeah let's talk to her we'll have

her call you in just a few minutes all right okay goodbye wait for the big girl to call in i have no

idea what's going to happen here but it's going to happen oh is this the woman yeah called i just i

tried calling you but you didn't answer um this is mercedes hey mercedes yeah the lady said that

You were the big girl.

Yeah, I'm full-figured.

I'm, yeah, I'm full-figured.

You're fat.

She said she was, oh, yeah.

I said, I want a big girl.

She said, oh, she's so fat.

She said that you were really fat, that you were big,

that you maybe didn't shave your legs and stuff like that.

What are you talking about?

No, because I said that I wanted a really big girl, like a really nasty girl,

and she said that you're, like, the best person for that.

I'm not big and nasty.

I'm, like, a medium size.

I'm not fat and disgusting.

Why do you say that?

Because I was looking for that, and she said, yeah,

Yeah, she definitely has someone who, you know, didn't have, you know, who looked a little nasty.

I asked her for that.

She said, oh, yeah, I've got a girl.

I think she said Mercedes.

I wrote down her name.

I don't know if that was you or not.

So, but I shaved my legs just a little, you know.

I'm not dirty like that.

Oh, do you have any bruises?

Probably.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I do.

Do you have any scars?

Yeah, I have a scar on my stomach.

I had a surgery.

Oh, you had a baby?

No, I had a gallbladder surgery.

Oh, yeah?

And where were you throwing up?

Throwing up?

Oh, yeah, after the surgery, I was.

No, I threw up before, and they said I had gallbladder stones.

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, was I throwing up before?

Yeah, it's a reason.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, before I threw up, that's when I knew I had them.

I kept throwing up.

I couldn't keep their food down here.

That's fucking nuts, right, how that works like that?

Oh, yeah, I had my gallbladder out last year, though.

So it's been years since I had it out.

I left a scar on my stomach.

What about you guys still have your appendix?

I almost lost that the other day.

We were going to take my appendix out, but I said I needed it.

Are you serious?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm not getting rid of that thing.

You're not nasty fat?

Because she was sure.

She's like, oh, yeah, definitely this girl you're going to talk to.

I'm a bigger girl, but I'm not, like, sloppy.

I'm very clean and very well kept.

I'm not fat and disgusting.

No?

Well, how many pounds do you weigh?

180, 185.

185.

And you're how tall?

Seven.

Maybe you could lose some weight, I think.

I mean, you agree.

You could lose some weight, right?

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I want to be smaller, of course.

Yeah.

But I'm fine with them.

Yeah, I know.

So, anyway, the reason I was calling is because I was offering for fat girls the MetaFast system.

I wanted you to try it out for two or three weeks.

It's simple shakes, eggs for the morning, egg powder you can make, and simple, decent diet.

Dinner for the afternoon and the evening, and if you work, maybe you can do like 30 minutes.

Do you like cardio?

You called an escort service for an escort.

Did you call to tell me I need to lose weight or something?

I'm calling for fat girl, like, you know, fat girls like you.

I'm full-figured. I'm not fat. I'm just full-figured.

Well, full-figured is fat. Full-figured is fat.

I mean, you can't have fat without F. Full-figured has two Fs.

Okay, so do you not like fat girls or anything?

I mean, I was looking to talk to one just to, you know, I thought maybe I'd talk to you.

Have you thought about what it could do to your health? Do you smoke?

No, I don't.

You might as well smoke cigarettes if you're going to be fatty. Fatty, fat, fat.

Fucking retard. If you ever call my phone again, I swear to fucking God.

Well, you call me first. I have you on my computer machine. You call me first.

on my phone

and call R&D.

You called our escort service,

so please do not

call my phone back.

You are so full of shit.

Like, seriously,

you're a fucking piece of shit.

Like, I love myself,

so you need to get

your cell checked, for real.

No, but I asked

specifically for a fat girl,

and they said

that you were going

to put one on,

and you told me

you're not fat,

so I'm kind of upset here

because I don't have time

to be dealing with you.

I'm full figured.

I'm not fat and sloppy

like you're asking for.

I'm full figured.

Are you looking for

an escort or not?

What did you call?

Are you looking for

an escort or not?

I'm looking for

her fat girl escort, not some, you know, wannabe. Okay, well, maybe you need to look elsewhere

because obviously I'm not fat and sloppy like you want. Well, who's the real fat girl at

the company that I didn't get? You are. I'm not a girl, though. You sound like one. No,

I have a penis, so I'm looking at it right now. What would you, how would you know? You're

not even here. How would you know? How would you know that I have penis or not? That I'm

not a girl. What's this? I don't know, but it don't sound like it. Oh, look at me. I

pulled it out of my ass. Good for you. Returning to main menu. You have two new messages. To

listen to your mess fat girl that's right good for you all right everybody that was uh

do you have a good one there but do you have big girls indeed milkman take us out of here

all right my brother hi everybody so well everybody you know what time it is

that's right man it's a sad but happy song that means time to go but it is the end of another

Another fun-filled evening right here.

94.6 Mouse, the Madhouse.

I like to think our numbers hit man.

The man with the guns on the phone.

Thank you so much.

Go some loose.

Ah, my brother, Tug.

Tug, thanks for showing up.

My hot girl, Maze.

Busy Cat.

Noonoo, Baz.

Mike Cunty, amazing.

He's back.

All our friends out there.

Is it really Mike and T?

Is it really?

And all our friends over there.

Is it really Mike and T in the chat room?

We love you too

That's him

That's right

My brother

All our friends

Thank you so much for joining in

Everybody listening out there

We do this every week for you

The most fun interactive show

You can tune into right here

Every Thursday at 10pm

Eastern Time

Do not miss the next episode

With our fearless leader

The Generalissimo of the Madhouse

Now, Carlito Hermano, thank you so much, man.

I almost killed somebody, but you made me laugh instead.

Cool, cool, cool.

Thanks, man.

That's big coming from you.

Thank you, Milkman, for being on tonight.

Tuck, of course, his website is tuckermike.com.

Be sure to check that out.

He's got lots of things going on there.

Tuck time, master.

And a computer machine.

And everyone, be sure to stay tuned to syndicateradio.tv.

Hey, I did want to mention I talked to Zolar on Tuesday night.

i had a conversation with him he's doing good he said he was making he was making every effort to

be on the air tomorrow he said he was supposed to get his internet connected tonight he said

if if so he would be listening and calling into the show hope that's not a bad sign

but he's making an effort to be back on the air tomorrow he is now no longer new york zolar he

has moved to chicago apparently i don't know that was supposed to be a secret i'm sorry i let the

I can't out the bag.

Blame me for it.

But Zolar has moved to Chi-Town.

So will this change the Zolar Party Nation show?

I do not know.

Be sure to check in tomorrow.

See if he makes it on and see what happens.

Get the whole story from him.

Zolar Vision now from Chicago.

Moving from one big city to another.

And that's it.

We're out of here.

Thank you, White Boy, for dancing to the funky chimes.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser, for sending in all your numbers.

And thank you, Reckless, for calling in.

If we didn't get to the prank call request from during the week, we'll get to those either on Monday or we'll try them on next week.

I promise the two of you who submitted them that were selected out of the many and many that were sent in.

And also, finally, everyone, be sure to visit madhouselive.com, subscribe to our podcast, check out our forums,

and just generally hang out and spread the word about Madhouse Radio for you and yours.

I think we had a better time with the show now than tonight.

We weren't at the bar.

Last week we were live at Lopez Cigar Bar

And it was a little loud

And though it was fun to do it remote

It is always good to do it here from the studio

That was a good show though

I just ate something off the desk

And I don't think it was bacon

Alright folks we'll catch you here next week

Thank you for tuning in

You gotta get some more pictures of hot girls up there too

That's right

Have a good weekend my friends

I love you all

Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

You fuck, you fucking...

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (21, 1 h 25 min of 2 h 33 min)

Transcript

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