Highlights
3 Aug 2009 · 9 min · 1,518 words · source
Transcript
From Unknown Caller.
So, Valentine, this is Alan from ****** to Marketing.
You responded to an ad that we played some ******.
My number here is ******.
Well, then, schedule an interview for tomorrow between the hours of 1 and 6 to the receptionist.
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
Oh, that guy sounds interesting.
Let's listen to him.
Give a turn on this call.
Press 2.
So, how may I help you?
Hey, Big Vanessa.
I need to speak to Alan.
He just called asking for me, and I'm returning his call.
This is Valente.
And your name?
This is Valente.
What's your name?
Valente.
Valente.
Jesus.
Yeah, what's going on over there, sir?
How do you say it there, buddy?
All right, good.
Hey, you're...
Am I on speakerphone?
Not anymore.
Was that before?
Yes.
Why?
And you're calling my office and I put people on speakerphone.
You have a problem?
Well, I think usually we ask for permission before we put people on speakerphone.
Isn't that right, Mr. Allen?
This is right.
Uh, okay.
And, uh...
Looking for a job?
Yes, I am.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know what?
Have a nice day, asshole.
Returning to main menu.
You have one...
Mr. Cockroach.
Hello.
Good afternoon, corporate office.
Hey, big girl.
How you doing?
Excuse me?
Yeah, I wanted to call in about the job interview that you guys were offering for sales.
Okay, well, first of all, you don't call in and approach me that way.
I'm sorry.
Okay, so you have a great day.
Wait a minute, what am I supposed to say?
What did I say?
I just said it, you know.
Returning to main menu.
Good afternoon, corporate office.
Yes, hi, I'd like to make an application, please.
Okay, you were the one who just called in and said, hey, big girl, and I hung up on you.
So you have a great day.
No, please, I need a job so bad.
Returning to main menu.
you have three new messages to listen to your messages press one to place the call press two
for goog for she's gonna have to call her id but literally she know i have another number
all right let's try from the the miami phone number in concept if you know your party's
extension please enter it now otherwise please hold for 10 see if this takes my voice up
glasses off she isn't working yes hi i was interested in your sales positions okay we
We are looking for outbound sales reps in our Sanford location.
Okay, Sanford.
Is that near the Sanford Mall?
That is.
Okay, that would be interesting.
I think I know where that exit is.
What would I need to do?
How can they get you a copy of my resume?
Okay, you need to come and fill out an application and bring it in.
Okay, where is this at?
We're located at 4th Parkway.
Okay, I'm not too interested exactly in coming in in person.
I need a haircut, et cetera, things of this nature.
I need to go to the cleaners.
Can I just fax it in or email it to you?
No.
No, we do not take faxes or resumes.
I had an email address here, biggirl, at biggirlwillanswersthephoneforjobs.com.
I didn't know if that was you or...
Okay, you're funny, and have a great day.
All right, big girl.
Epic.
Returning to the main menu.
You have no...
Just that there's no A in McDonald's.
Hello.
Hi, is this the taxi place?
Is this the taxi people?
No, somebody put a wrong number in the newspaper.
Is this the second...
Have you had more than one number call already?
I was on the guy.
All right, so maybe you have any idea who the real person I should be calling is.
Who is it?
Tell me.
No.
How can I have an idea if somebody takes the wrong number and puts it in the newspaper?
I'll be honest with you.
You sound a little ethic, and I think you're the taxi person, and you're just out of jobs.
Tell me the truth.
If that's what it is, don't make me waste my time looking for the real number.
Tell me.
Is it you or not?
If you're right, it's okay.
Come on, man.
I don't suppose to give you that information because you have to.
What you're talking about right now is the wrong person.
You only tell me somebody has a number, somebody put it in the newspaper.
I don't think so.
I think you're really the person, and you're going to make me like it's a big joke
that I'm going to keep looking for the number, and it's not there.
This is the number.
You get your medication today?
No.
I don't have any insurance.
I'm out of work.
I don't have any insurance.
Put me back again.
Are you sure about it, man, now?
Mm-hmm.
You want a number?
Is it going to be some...
Do you want to meet downtown?
I can't get the phone.
That's it.
What part of the town do you live in, sir?
You sound like you live in Paris.
Returning to main menu.
You have three new messages.
To listen to your messages, press 1.
To place a call, press 2.
Well, that really fucking sucks that it's the wrong number.
I was going to eat loudly in the phone while I applied for a job.
Mr. Valente, this is Diane calling from Dunox.
You called me earlier.
Sir, I did not hang up on you.
I believe our conversation was over.
I told you I didn't have any positions unless it's part-time,
and you said okay, and we ended the conversation.
What a liar.
I'm sorry if you felt I hung up on you.
I definitely didn't mean to.
I apologize.
Just give me a call if we need to discuss this.
So how many guys am I going to be in charge of?
Well, right now we don't know total, but if you want to go ahead and fax us your resume,
we'll definitely take a look at your skill set.
Yeah, I just want, I mean, are you guys going to call us?
But if that could work for us, because we had kind of a problem with them.
Well, we do.
Do you want to call me back when you're done eating?
I'm not eating.
Okay.
Okay. It appears that way that you are.
Okay, I am eating. I'm eating a hamburger. I'm just hungry.
Okay. Well, why don't you just fax us your resume, and we'll definitely take a look at you.
I already did. I already did.
So what's the deal? Did you go over it or what? I mean, what's the status?
We haven't gone over it yet.
When we do, and if your skill set matches what we're looking for, we'll definitely give you a call, okay?
Yeah.
What's your name?
Thank you.
What's your name?
Woman.
What's your name?
Have a great day, sir.
Woman!
Give me your name.
All right.
Yes, I need a taxi, please.
Can somebody put a wrong number on the newspaper?
No, I called earlier, and the guy said that, yeah, the taxi's coming over here to the road, and it's still isn't here.
Are you crazy?
No, this guy, this guy...
Let me tell you this.
Okay.
I have a colleague with this number.
Uh-huh.
I don't know, but by mistake, and then you...
So, I don't...
Well, I don't speak Spanish.
There's a little bit of an accent.
So, when is my taxi going to be here?
I'm sorry.
Okay, you go get your medication.
You don't get your medication today?
Yeah, I did.
You called me a couple of times already.
If you call me back, the police are going to make you have a hard time.
What time is it going to be here?
Because I'm here at the Walgreens.
I already got my medication, and I'm waiting for them to pick me up.
I'm going to send the police to you.
If you need help, I'm going to send the police.
They're going to call 911 now, and they're going to send the police to you.
No, it's not an emergency.
I just need to get the taxi cab here to pick me up.
I already picked up my medication at the Walgreens.
Oh, yeah.
I've been waiting for.
When is your taxi going to be here?
One year.
Yeah, this is the problem with Puerto Ricans driving cars.
I don't know when they let Puerto Ricans have driver's licenses, sir.
I'm a Puerto Rican guy.
That you're not, you're...
I am not Puerto Rican.
You're always late.
I am not Puerto Rican, and I'm better than you.
What are you?
If you think right, you tell me bullshit.
Sir, I'm going to speak with your manager and have you fired after I get in my taxi.
We're going to the main menu.
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