The Colored Show

son of a bitch hello michael jackson i believe is a shapeshifter i believe michael jackson he

shapeshifted into brock obama why didn't you go fuck yourself motherfucker hello

uh-oh uh-oh look at that that crazy fucker just got uh that crazy fucker just got taken out

who the fuck is this who is this you are listening to the madhouse radio podcast

all right everybody continue today carloader here with tuck and kokanee in studio and we're

We're going to be doing some prank calls tonight.

This is Madhouse Radio for September the 24th, a Thursday night as usual.

98.6 The Mouth, as always.

Flagship Station and that motherfucker.

Yeah.

I know.

Also on Justin.TV over at Justin.TV slash Zolar.

Zolar Party Nation will be on tomorrow night at 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

I do aim to start this show much earlier than I do.

Hopefully, schmofly, sometime soon I will.

And if not, then what can you do about it?

Anyway, this is Carlito.

had a rough fucking day today everybody

had a rough fucking day today and it pissed me off

so I'm here to do prank calls and get over it

that's all you can do

visit my website over at madhouselive.com

invite all your friends to tune in if they're listening right now

a lot of people just fucking

messaging me left and right

and I rarely log into these messengers that much anymore

like I used to when I do

and a lot of people are like

crazy like motherfucker

motherfucker you motherfucker

what's the matter

what's with the podcast

God damn it

A lot of messages

And a lot of people asking for podcast episodes

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Working on it, give me a second

I'm working on it, alright buddy

Trying to invite friends

Everybody, you can call me here tonight

The toll free line will be open

407-459-4534

Is the toll free line where you can reach me tonight

Again, that's 407-459-4534

Toll free to you if you're in the 407 area code

Alright

A lot of numbers coming in from Lonesome Loser

Let's take a look at those

Let's see what we got.

How many spaces are in town tonight?

How many of the spaces over there on it?

Listen, this is the second time I call now, and I lost my wallet there.

And it's obvious it's there.

I've checked everywhere else.

I checked my pants.

I checked my car.

I checked my house.

And someone used it.

And it was the gas station that's like the, you know that gas station that's kind of on the way over there?

Chevron station.

I called Chase, and they said that the wallet had been used in Chase, which is right by there.

Right.

Chase is just right down the road from us.

So obviously that's where I left my wallet, so someone from there has my wallet.

Who placed this authorization on my wallet?

Oh, gosh.

God damn it.

Someone put an authorization on my credit card, on my wallet that I left there,

and I have a sneaky suspicion that it was that guy.

Which guy? What did he look like?

The guy, he said he was off-duty, that he works there, and I said, well, you're not, you don't have a uniform.

He said, no, no, no, I'm off-duty, man, it's cool.

And I said, look, you know, can you wash my stuff?

up i went to the bathroom and i came back and the car and the wallet were gone so i guess he came

went to went off a break or something like that he said he was on his break he was on his break

was um was he uh tall and kind of skinny yeah not real tall but but pretty darn skinny well i'm a

tall guy he was i'm not a super tall but i'm a pretty tall guy he was just about a little bit

more than me yeah but he was but he was pretty skinny yeah pretty much with dark hair yeah

Yeah, okay.

That would be Jason.

Oh, gosh.

That would really freaking suck.

Well, he told me, hey, don't worry.

I work here.

I'm on my break.

And I said, all right, I'm going to go do the bathroom.

And I came back, and there was nothing there.

And there was nothing here.

No car, no food.

I put my food in a box.

He took the food and everything.

Um.

Uh-huh.

Um, um, dang.

He has a history of doing things.

Does he do heroin or something?

Does he have?

Like, way, way, way back in his past.

He's had a

He doesn't have

The record

But that was like

When he was like

A teenager

Ah

He's got felonies

Felony crap

Felony camp

Yeah man

So he fucked me up

I don't know

He got a lot of gas

Oh he doesn't have a car

That's kind of weird

Yeah maybe he got

Maybe he sold the gas

To some people

Maybe he stole the gas

Dang well

Let's see

Um

Okay um

Let me talk to my boss

See I don't

I don't take it a habit

Of going in there

I mean

I usually don't talk

To Hispanic men

but he seemed nice and everything.

He was Hispanic?

Yeah, he had an accent and everything, yeah.

Oh, well, then that,

we don't have any Hispanic or an accent person here

that works here.

No, but he was definitely on his break.

It was on his lunch break.

He said, I'm having my break right now.

We were talking,

and he was telling me about all the things

in the restaurant that they changed,

and he said that he used to be the owner,

that he was a part owner now.

Are you sure you're not talking about the f**ks

on Highway 99?

No, no, no.

No, I don't even know Highway 99, to be honest with you.

Like, I don't go out that way at all.

This is the one on Main, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

The guy's like, yeah, I used to be the owner, and then this.

They kicked me out.

Yeah.

That's really weird.

He said, no, don't worry.

Look, he said that I, you know, I used to be, it's okay.

Go ahead.

I'll watch your, he said, I signed a check, and he said he was going to watch it and everything.

And I came back, and he was gone.

Yeah, because we've only had one owner here the whole time we've been open.

So, obviously, I'm thinking that person may not have worked here, but acting like he did.

Oh, my God.

That's so weird.

Oh, dang.

You think he stole?

You think he was lying?

He stole my wallet?

He obviously worked there.

He said he worked there.

Right, yeah.

We don't have any Hispanics or anybody that has an accent here.

And the only person, yeah, we don't even have, we have a black girl, but that's the

only colored person that we have that works here.

I've worked here for five years

And I've never worked with a Mexican here

Or anybody with an accent

And you've got one colored

What's that?

You only have one colored there

Yeah, her name's Mariah

And she's like 16 or 17 years old

Oh, obviously, yeah

Yeah, so I'm thinking that he acted like he was working here

Or he used to

Yeah, because like I said

We've only had one owner

That's ever since Patty Patty's on Main has worked here

Or has been here

Oh, the guy said he worked there and he took you.

What about Jason, though?

Jason, he's, like, as pale as a freaking ghost.

Yeah, but I'm saying maybe...

Can you tell me what day it was?

Implicate it.

We can implicate it a minute or something.

I don't know.

You got to help me out on this insurance papers now because I gave him this story.

Yeah.

Do you remember what day it was?

It was yesterday.

So yesterday was Wednesday.

Dang, I didn't work yesterday.

So the only people that worked yesterday...

Oh.

That was Paul, and he's like, I don't know, 50-something years old.

And Melissa and Angie.

Oh, well, write Jason up.

I mean, write him up.

Well, he didn't work yesterday at all.

Well, I think he's implicated in this.

I think he has a history, he has a past, and I think he has something to do with it.

Obviously, he's got a record there, so obviously, no, uh-uh.

He's got something to do with this, I'm sure.

Well, that would...

That's right.

I want you to write him up right now.

Yeah, once you write them up, I'm going to give you these papers, a copy,

I'm going to fax you a copy of the papers, and we're going to put it in his write-up.

Okay, you're going to have to drop them off because we don't have a faxman.

Do you have e-mails?

We don't.

Oh, man.

Yeah, we're not like tech like that.

I'll drop it off then.

Should I drop it off for you or like who?

Go ahead and drop it off to tomorrow's Friday.

Yep.

Go ahead and drop it off to Marla.

Marla.

She'll be here tomorrow. She usually leaves about 2, 2.30, and she's here at, like, 8 o'clock in the morning.

So I'm going to put down here my report. It says that there are no colored people that work there except for one.

Yeah, and nobody with an accent.

Right. All right, so obviously we're going to have to, you know, I think that we should, you know, pull records on Jason.

And I want the, like, I'm sure you guys pulled a credit history on him. Like, I need a copy of that.

And I need a copy of his criminal record also.

I want to evaluate all this.

Okay, yeah, just go ahead and talk to Marla about that tomorrow

because she's the only person that can do that.

Can I get your name?

Because I'm going to actually put you down here as a defendant.

Brooke.

So I got you down as defendant Brooke, defendant number two.

And how do you plead?

I'm not sure.

Guilty, not guilty, or no contest?

I guess not guilty because I didn't work yesterday,

So I don't know.

Not guilty.

All right, so you're pleading not guilty.

All right, so I'm going to call you back with the court.

I'm going to get the court date.

Okay.

And then you're going to have to come, and they'll give you an attorney if you can't afford one, apparently.

All right.

Okay, because I'm definitely going to have to sue you also, Brooke.

Me?

Yeah, I mean, you're the second defendant on this case, so I'm obviously going to have to sue you now you're involved.

But I didn't have anything to do with this.

I'm just, I mean, I'm throwing whatever at the wall to make it stick.

I mean, obviously, when you're answering the phone, you're involved in this.

And then that colored girl, so Mariah.

And I'm putting down defendant, suspect number three, Mariah, because you said she's colored.

Yeah.

Colored girl, suspect, due to ethnicity.

Is she a black?

I don't think she is, but I'm not sure exactly what she is.

Not sure, possible black

Okay, alright

Do you have any other ethnic people there

That might be involved with this?

Not as far as I know

Nobody else of ethnicity at all?

Nope

Okay, alright, so, Brooke, I've got you down in the lawsuit

I've got Mariah, and I've got the Jason drug kid

Great

Okay, and I'm going to drop off those papers for you

Okay

And I need you to sign them

There's a sign, I need you to sign the affidavit of admission of guilt, okay?

okay okay so sign the admission of guilt when i bring it down and then we'll you know we'll all

all file it at the da's office okay and i think they're probably fine here so you know you'll

probably be found guilty um but you could probably plead no contest and i don't think it'll you know

because if you're first time offender for you yeah i've never had any problems or any issues

whatsoever oh you should be all right then i mean i'll make it i'll work it out i'll i'll talk to

the da and nothing will happen to you okay all right all right honey talk to you later all right

bye-bye this is cries what does it take for that girl so dumb in the head

i was like thinking at what point is she gonna figure out i'm suing her

bless her heart how do you say there old lady hey old lady how you doing good hey listen i left my

wallet there about two days ago did anybody put it under the register you know how you guys do that

can you look under the register for my wallet what does it look like it's brown it has cards in it

Yeah, it has cards in it.

Condom.

What's the name?

Huh?

What's the name?

It says Ralph Lauren.

Uh-huh.

And what's your name on your ID?

It says Ralph Lauren on the wallet.

You don't have an ID in it?

No, I keep my ID in my clip on the side.

Oh, okay.

Hold on.

Mr. Clutch making a good point.

That lady was mighty confused.

Who the fuck is Jake?

Motherfucker, who is Jake?

Someone tell me who Jake is.

Who's the Jake character?

He's got a show.

He's a Jake guy doing a prank call show, apparently.

Who's your call?

Hi, Jake.

Fuck Jake.

Nunu says,

Maybe don't steal Fat Carlito's wallet, please.

Very funny.

Very nice of you, asshole.

Fucking ingrate.

Nunu's just a fucking ingrate.

He gets a lot of respect around here sometimes,

but look what he says.

He calls me fat.

Maven says,

What, Carlito?

Your wallet doesn't say bad motherfucker on it.

Yeah, that'd be kind of cool.

As a matter of fact,

that's a good idea, Maven.

Go start for you, old girl.

Big girl.

Big Maven.

All right.

Gold Star.

Good for you.

There you go.

I'm going to hang up on that lady looking for the stupid wallet, and then we'll call

her right back.

Listen along for that.

Hey, I was talking to that old girl over there.

She was looking for my wallet.

What happened?

Who is this?

Hey, who'd be the owner or the manager on the phone right now, sir?

Wait a second, sir.

Hello?

Yes.

Who am I speaking with?

I'm one of the assistant managers.

I demanded the manager, not an assistant manager.

What's your function there?

What do you do?

Excuse me?

I said I demanded to speak to the manager or the owner, not an assistant manager.

What's your function there?

What's my function?

Yeah.

Well, my function right now is telling you that we look for your wallet with all due respect, and it's not here.

Well, you know, first of all, this is the first that I hear about this.

Why are you coming off and putting on airs with me when you're on the phone?

Someone used my wallet at the gas station down the street there for a large transaction just about 32 minutes ago.

According to my information here, when I talked to Chase Manhattan Bank.

Obviously, if that happened, I feel sorry about that, but I have nothing to do with that.

We're not responsible for a lot of things.

I left the stuff on the table when I went to use the restroom.

The man said he was on his lunch break, that he was going to watch it for me.

I went to the bathroom.

I washed my hands.

I come back.

The food in the box was gone, and my wallet was gone.

I called the bank, and they said that someone already used it.

So I want to know who this person is that was on their lunch break,

who stole my wallet from the store on the lunch break,

and are obviously coming back if they're not back already.

Who did this thing?

What time were you here, Doc?

It was a colored person.

Who, how many, who was the colored man that was over there on break?

Hold on, what time was this?

When was this?

This was about one hour ago.

Okay, well, here's what, partner.

We don't have not a single colored person working here today.

Then who, then who was on the lunch break?

Because the man had a shirt on and everything.

You said a colored person.

We don't have a single colored person here working tonight at all in any capacity.

Nobody of ethnicity.

I don't know if, maybe you called the wrong restaurant.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Listen, listen, listen.

I want to **** on Mabel.

The next thing I know, your employee stole my wallet.

You don't know that, first of all.

Well, he was identified purely and simply in your livery that he had a name tag on and everything.

Listen, why would you trust a busboy with your $1,500 Louis Vuitton wallet, for starters?

First of all, it was a Ralph Lauren wallet.

A Ralph Lauren wallet.

I don't wear a Louis Vuitton.

Why would you trust anyone that you don't know personally with something that personal I don't understand, first of all?

I'm not trying to be offensive.

You have so little control over the situation there, as an assistant manager who I'm forced to talk to.

You have such little control that you don't even know what the complaint is about, that it's not a Louis Vuitton.

I understand what the complaint's about.

Your wallet is missing and apparently has been used since it's gone missing.

I understand that.

And I'm holding you.

What I would like for you to understand is we have nothing to do with the situation.

Listen to me.

I'm writing this up.

I want to know immediately who's in charge right now.

You tell me who's in charge.

You?

You? Because I'm putting a lawsuit on whoever's in charge.

So who's in charge?

Yes.

Okay. Good luck for that sticking, because we state on our menu we are not responsible for lost articles.

No. It doesn't say that in your menu at all, sir.

Yes, it does.

I have a copy for you.

Yes, it does.

No.

It may not say it on the to-go menu. It says it on our plastic menu. Yes, it does.

Well, unfortunately for you, sir, I wasn't given a copy of this, nor was I offered it, nor was it anywhere displayed in clear view.

Sir, you can put it in any restaurant, and they are never responsible for lost articles.

But this is an employee.

No, no, no.

So you're saying that your employees steal all the time and that it's okay?

Oh, I'm not saying anything of the nature.

Don't put words in my mouth.

We have a very trustworthy crew here.

Have you ever shoplifted before, sir?

I will have you know, sir, we had a $1,500 cash purse with $3,000 cash in it last month.

It was left here.

It was turned in by one of our busboys.

It was recovered by the owner, and they were awarded a $50 bonus.

We do not have people that steal here.

Well, I'm still...

I want to know who was in charge, who was on ship.

I am not at liberty to say this point.

I don't even know if this is a real call or not.

I demand disin...

You're moving my leg for all I know.

Listen.

I just want to come down here and talk to this in person and feel free to do so.

Are you threatening me, sir?

Am I threatening you?

So I'm going to come down and you're going to touch me?

And you're going to touch me in my person?

I said if you would rather.

Listen.

I said...

Listen.

Nice.

Colored show tonight.

Doing a lot of colored prank calls.

coloreds

nothing like

living in the south

everybody

Brendan asking

what's up with

crazy fucker

in the forums

if you want to

find out what's up

with crazy fucker

in the forums

be sure to go over

to madhouselive.com

go to the forums

link

and you can

actually check out

prank calls there

also

they're all there

lots of prank calls

good ones too

you should do that

Zola has a special

section on that

it's right there

it's called

Zolar Party Nation

you should check it out

he just posted

his newest CD there

you should check it out

and buy a copy of it

fucking mean Zolar

go way back

We go way back in the shit.

We were actually in Operation Enduring Freedom together

in late 2001 in Afghanistan

and Tora Bora, as a matter of fact, is where I met the guy.

He's a good friend and I consider him a brother.

This one is in El Paso, Texas.

Interesting.

Son of a bitch, hello. Yes, I need to speak to the manager, please.

Yes, I was over there and a woman treated me rudely and I do not take a treatment like that from women.

Who is the woman that works there? Tell me now.

about one hour ago who is the woman there who works there why do you let why do you let women

work there like that i said why do you let women work there like that maybe the woman's supposed

to stay at home and not work when they're going to treat people like that right bad business for

woman to be working or bad woman what did she is that whose uh wife is that there who is uh who's

the husband of the woman no none of them we don't have anybody no so is she family sister huh you

You like your sister?

Huh?

How many sisters do you have?

What's your fucking problem with that?

I want to know how many sisters you have.

Sir, what do you want?

I want you to deliver your sister to me.

To my house.

Why didn't you give me your address?

Are you threatening me?

Huh?

Do you work for IDF?

Just give me your address and some...

I've got you on tape threatening me, sir.

I don't appreciate it.

Oh, yeah.

Why didn't you go fuck yourself, motherfucker?

I'm putting this all on my report against you.

Are you, dude?

What is your name?

I command you to give...

Fuck you.

I command you.

Fuck you.

If you need my name, you come over here and you'll know my name.

Listen, asshole, I'm Greek.

I'm above you.

So you tell me your name right now.

Above my dick, bro.

If I was above your dick, I'd kick you right in the fucking bollocks.

Right in the bollocks.

Why didn't you come and do it over here?

But you know why I can't kick you in the bollocks?

Because you don't have the balls.

You have a vagina down there.

Sir, you're calling the store over here, and you're harassing me over here.

He doesn't sound very Israeli.

Using those weird Middle Eastern insults that we've learned over the years here on Madhouse Radio.

Asking how many sisters they have, etc.

It was interesting.

saying he's not too angry though too angry indeed we'll give him a call later on a few days from

today a few weeks from now i'll put him down in the special special list of friends that we like

to prank call on regular basis i wrote the wrong one here i'm trying to invite friends into jtv

i don't know my syntax invite friends there we go got it that time motherfucker all right everybody

let's continue on see what other numbers we have here to do msc3 clay asking if me the long-legged

puerto rican needs the help of that man nunu and himself yeah well certainly if you get numbers

and stuff let me know it's pretty funny what happened last week after the show last week

for some reason i thought it'd be funny athena was uh athena was asleep let me turn that off

forgot to turn it off maybe it's someone into somebody who can leave a voicemail about the

parent call with it anyway athena's sleeping on the couch and i went and i grabbed uh i grabbed

the broom and i was chasing one of the cats around with it he's deathly afraid of the the broom

because the broom is apparently friends with the vacuum cleaner who both of the cats are deathly

afraid of him especially he's a very scaredy cat kind of cat I was chasing Davi around my cat and

I saw Athena sleeping there and I thought it'd be funny if I took the broom and I made a noise with

it to wake her up to get her to bed so I took the broom like the flat end of it and I slammed it on

the like on the arm of the couch and she wakes up and sees me holding the broom above her like

like acting really like crazy and demented and she freaked out she got scared and she got really mad

at me she slammed the door on me she didn't let me go to bed i had to sleep outside on the couch

last week and it's all because of you guys because because i came back in the chat room after the

show i said hey guys what should i do and you guys uh you should go so i went and got the broom and

i tried to open the door and she told me to go fuck myself and then go sleep in the bedroom uh

sleep on the couch or the guest bedroom and the guest bedroom wasn't made the guest bed so i just

i just uh laid down on the couch and watched tv till i fell asleep it was fun i got an alarm

clock right there i got a spare alarm clock that was just hanging out one of my i had the alarm

clock uh in my old house my old apartment and i got replaced and it was still good so i put it

in the living room you never know you can always look at it for the time and if not you use it for

alarm clock when your wife kicks you out fucker you know who should we should call lonesome loser

i know you're out there homeboy my man prank call machine lonesome loser uh the cigar place

what's the fucking cigar place called that we that we prank call um like once a month it's

always funny crazy somewhere in california i think san diego i think san diego right because

he tells me i have friends with san diego bd the police officer are my friends and i'm here with

allah i like those pranks i forget what they're called what is it called cubans right isn't there

one about cuban cigars that's like that's like the most recent one that's on the website i think

on the podcast at least we say they're old man how you doing hey dude i'm like

what was that now sir sister delivery he told him to deliver his sister over to your fucking house

right right he refused to he says hey you know he says give me your address man i think it was

down for it would you fuck a sister like that like they just said you think they would right

you pay enough money that was funny man yeah remember michael jackson man yeah what about

bottom he's dead he's a colored guy well he you know he thought you ever heard of a band called

boys to men oh yeah oh yeah he had a heart attack when he found out that it wasn't a delivery

service uh poor guy he was nothing he was a beautiful soul crazy fucker and you said you

were about to kill him man he was a he's oh he was a reptoid pedophile child molester man

reptoid dad got away with it for years and years because he was fucking rich listen listen now when

When he died, the night he died, you called in and you said you were about to kill somebody,

but you heard the song Man in the Mirror, and it changed your life?

Oh, no, man.

That was fucked.

Dude, I was pranking you when you said that.

I know.

That was hilarious, though.

I heard that the other day here.

I was going through some audio, and I heard that, and I laughed my ass off just thinking about that.

No, man.

Shit.

I had never, ever been in a fucking Michael Jackson, never, ever was into his music.

Yeah, right.

You know you were.

You had little...

No, no, no.

Oh, you like the little black and white, little Billie Jean?

No, no, no.

I'll tell you, man, no.

It's like, I admit that the guy, he fucking, well, he was very, very good at what he did, you know, on the stage, man.

That guy was, I guess, you know, that guy had a lot of fucking talent and ability,

but he was a perverted motherfucker that molested little children, man.

man, and you gotta, you gotta, like, can't, fuck, man, there's guys in prison doing long

sentences, because they were, like, 18-year-olds, 18 years old, and their girlfriends, their

girlfriend was 17 years old, and, and, uh, they had fucking sex, uh, a month before the

girl turned 18, and, and the 18-year-old kid was charged with fucking statutory rape in

in this fucking hardcore prison, man.

Fuck.

Because they're, you know,

and I mean, just because they're poor people,

now the fucking rich motherfuckers

like Michael Jackson, man,

they get away with all kinds of evil shit.

Bullshit.

Do you hear about the DynCorp?

You ever hear of DynCorp?

They have a fucking contract

with the Defense Department,

and they run child kidnapping rings,

sex slavery rings, man, out of Israel.

Come on.

Out of fucking Israel.

They're taking Israeli kids or what?

No, they're taking kids from all over the world and shipping them to Israel and then sending them out.

Sometimes check out prostitution in Israel.

The fucking Jews, they believe it's okay to have fucking prostitutes as long as they're non-Jewish prostitutes.

That's fucked up.

Well, it is, man, and it's really bad because, I mean, these major corporations, man,

And they're a fucking pedophile, child-molesting, satanic, human-sacrifice cult.

And they've got fucking masses of this country brainwashed, dude.

And I'll tell you what, man.

Start eating stuff like a lot of cayenne pepper in your food and turmeric.

Wait, wait, wait.

Why?

What's the turmeric do for you and the cayenne?

What it will do is counteract the diabetes and shit that you say you have and your back pain and shit.

The capsaicin does it?

What else?

Yeah, yeah.

These are wonderful things, man.

Garlic.

Garlic, yes.

I do take garlic capsules every once in a while.

Man, eat that raw.

Eat that shit raw, man.

Chew it up like candy, man.

And I'll tell you what, man.

If you get a cold or a flu or something, don't take it.

Take no flu vaccine shot, man, because that'll do you in.

They're killing people with that shit.

It's full of mercury.

It's full of all kinds of bad shit like live cancer viruses.

That's how they're fucking taking us down, man, is through these fucking vaccines.

Oh, fuck that.

And the fluoride in the water.

And, dude, you know, you last week when I talked to you, you dismissed,

you kind of scoffed at the fluoride thing.

And all you got to do is Google it up.

google up fluoride you can google a lot of shit i google up uh nazi concentration camp

slash fluoride and you'll see that that's when they really started using that shit that's what

they did the nazis did the jews in the concentration camp all right crazy fucker we got two questions

from the chat real quick and i gotta move on number one do you follow football at all no i

I don't follow any sports except, you know, like, I am knowing, like, if there's a women's gymnastic team doing their thing, I kind of get interested in that.

Okay, women's.

And then the last question is about the Denver Airport.

Do you know anything about the Denver International Airport?

That one's coming from Jake online.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the Denver International Airport, man, is just, it is like a home base for the reptilian alien race

that have been on this planet for thousands of years, and they're like among the richest,

they're the richest elitists in the world.

The Queen of England is one.

She's a shapeshifter.

Michael Jackson, I believe, is a shapeshifter.

I believe Michael Jackson, he shapeshifted into Barack Obama.

but uh okay what but anyway about the denver national airport yes it is if you look at a

satellite photograph of the denver national airport is shaped like a swastika okay and

they've got like and it goes down under the ground man for like 80 90 stories under the

ground they got a whole fucking city underneath the denver international airport so is it like

Like a super base for the Illuminati or the Reptilians or what's the word?

And what about the New World Order?

Yeah, you can synthesize the New World Order in the factions like Bilderberg Group, the CFR, the CIA, the KGB.

Man, I'm talking about, man, the international bankers, man.

What about the Freemasons?

Yeah, well, the regular run-of-the-mill, everyday Freemason is really good people.

But at the very top of that, man, they're hooked up there with what's called a mystery cult.

And yeah, they're part of it.

Believe me, I've been in courtrooms, man, where a Mason comes in

and he flashes a hand signal to the judge

and all the charges are dismissed against him.

What? Come on.

No shit.

I've been in courtrooms where that happened, dude,

where a fucking Mason is charged with a crime

and the judge is a Mason

and the dude, they have their Mason ring

and they do hand signs like gangbangers doing shit.

You know gangbangers, they got the secret codes and shit.

Well, the Masons, man, they're the fucking man.

they make the fucking gangbangers look like boy scouts that they got going on but about the

denver international airport it is a big city underneath it man and i'm telling you dude it is

like uh but i've never been there but i've only researched it like looking at satellite photographs

of it and reading about it on the internet but i but i would like to go there because they got all

They got all the part of the Luciferian controllers of this planet there.

Okay, right there.

Yeah, the Luciferian repliant shapeshifters, man.

The aliens that run this planet that are Queen of England, and they appear to be like the...

You think it's all...

Who's really calling the shots?

We talk about Skull and Bones, and we talk about the Illuminati,

and then we talk about, you know, FEMA

and then we talk about, you know,

I don't know, the United Nations

and the Jews and then the aliens.

Who is really running the show

and calling the shots?

Hello?

Uh-oh.

The crazy fucker just got...

The crazy fucker just got taken out.

I think I said too many of those code words

into the phone

and I think we're probably going to get a visit

from the CIA now.

I think it tripped up the government computers.

They're probably calling back right now.

Hello?

Did you guys call my dad last week?

Someone called over here.

Listen, listen, there's a kid over there who keeps calling in over here,

making prank phone calls, and we've got to trace.

And I talked to Bell South already.

What?

You're going to trace me?

I'll just tell you my address.

All right, go ahead.

Okay.

Save me the time.

I'm a Freemason.

West Virginia.

West Virginia?

Oh, my God.

That's disgusting.

Are you really from West Virginia?

Yeah.

Really?

Really? That's like the most backwards state?

Yeah, I'm here with somebody special.

Alright, okay. I'm sure you got...

Every family in West Virginia has a special person.

Her name is Miss Madhouse.

Miss Madhouse? Are you going to put her on the phone, or is it you?

I'm going to put her on the phone if you want to talk to her.

Yeah, go ahead.

Nah, she don't want to talk to me.

Nah, I figured.

She's busy.

Okay, you speak Spanish and shit?

Yeah, she mows my lawn sometimes.

Oh, yeah? No, I'm talking about you. Do you speak Spanish?

No, I don't speak Spanish.

You don't take Spanish classes at all in school?

No, I'm a nigga.

Oh, okay, you're black.

I take French at school, boy.

Oh, yeah?

You don't do Spanish?

Spanish is easier, man.

You get more out of Spanish than French.

If you go to French, you're not going to learn shit.

You're going to go to France?

You go to France or Haiti?

Or some parts of Canada, you want to talk France?

What's that about?

Well, I don't want to go to Mexico.

I don't want to see all those grease balls over there.

Yeah, but Spanish, not Mexican girls.

But there's some nice girls in the Caribbean, you know.

Cuban girls got nice ass.

Dominican girls, if you like them dark, they can cook, too, man.

You got to look into that.

You got to look into the long run.

You sound like you're, what, like in the seventh grade right now, maybe less than that?

Nope, higher.

Higher?

Ninth grade?

Yeah.

What's wrong with you?

You're not developing quick enough?

Bitch, what'd you say?

I don't know, because there's still some kind of, you know, your voice hasn't dropped yet.

I'm just saying, if you're in the ninth grade, you're a freshman?

No, what is ninth grade?

I don't know.

Florida freshman is ninth grade high school.

So, I don't know.

Some places, ninth grade is still junior college or junior high school.

I don't know.

Junior high school?

Junior high.

What is that, like 20 years ago they used to call that?

They still have places that ninth grade is still the junior high.

Yeah, I don't know.

If there's a ninth grader who's still in that level, then they call it junior high.

And if it's only up to eighth, then they call it.

Yeah, anyway.

All right, well, kid, I got to go.

Thanks for calling in, man.

It's good talking to you.

Do you want to do a prank?

All right, fine, asshole.

He's in the fifth grade.

I know he speaks Spanish.

And she's that one little Puerto Rican kid that speaks really good Spanish.

He doesn't want to talk Spanish and do a prank call on me.

He wouldn't jerk off.

Just kidding with you.

I like it.

See, kid, he's always trying to tell the kid, you know, you got to try to get with the

Filipina girls and they cook for you.

There's some guy who listens to her who watches our show.

Is it MSC3 Clay?

Doesn't he have a Filipina girl or something like that?

Hello.

I didn't know you talked Spanish.

You're fucking ass.

I'm going to call a Filipino place.

You want to talk to Filipinos?

That's my cojones, bitch.

Yeah, right on.

You want to talk to Filipinas?

Filipinas.

Yeah, you know Filipinas.

I don't want to talk to your penis.

You like Asian girls?

You think they look good?

What do you think?

Asian girls are ugly.

Ugly?

What?

Oh, man.

Some slanted-eyed bitches.

I'll fuck them so hard I'll make them eyes open.

Oh, kid, you're a trip.

But seriously, no, you got to get with, like, you know, what do you think?

Asian girls are ugly.

So, yeah, like white girls?

No.

Black girls?

Black girls.

Black girls?

Black girls and Spanish girls.

Spanish girls?

All right, see, I told you.

light-skinned black girls light-skinned black girls like yellow what yellow uh black girls

like uh yellow bone yellow bone black girls right don't they call them that yellow bone

i don't know that's what i've heard they call them yellow bone girls hey man you're on youtube

you ever go to youtube youtube.com forward slash madhouse radio go there and subscribe to the

channel when you get a chance that's just a plug for myself you're gonna do a prank call you just

call that talk sure all right we're calling fresh fresh number are you doing the prank call

Hmm?

Are you doing the prank call?

You started off.

I started off.

You started off.

Carajo, you hear me?

Yes, I hear you.

Hello?

Filipino.

Yes?

Yeah, listen, some lady over there made an offer to my son that I think was a little

inappropriate on the phone when he called in.

Pardon, sir?

My son isn't allowed to have anything sweet or any candy, and you people explicitly gave

him, offered him some sugary stuff.

Cigarettes?

Yeah, you gave him sugary stuff, and you offered to give him oral sex over there.

No, we're not selling cigarettes, sir.

Hey, son, what did they say?

Well, she said she gave me a piece of candy,

and then I was opening it up, and I heard something unzip,

and she pulled my pants down.

Maybe he's not here. Maybe on the other side.

No, no.

No, no, no. Maybe, maybe your presence sucked my dick.

I think, did you perform oral sex in this kid?

Hey, who's the manager?

That was good. We'll do another call.

Hang on

We're gonna call

He's on

This is an angry

Muslim guy

You like Muslims

How do you like

How do you feel

About the Muslim

Situation

Extremely

Extreme Islam

Good

Good for you

And you shouldn't

You shouldn't

Can't you just be fun

Just smoke weed

And shit

Sounds like

Like a

Hello

Hey

Listen

My son went down

There and you folks

Sell them some tobacco

What

I said my son

Went down there

Uh huh

You folks

Sell them tobacco

He's 11

Hello

He's tired of me

He won't talk to me anymore

He's an asshole

We've had a lot of prank calls

Against that guy

I think he knows my voice

I should have just had you talk

Hello, this is A-Bond

Hey, Bond

Hello, Bond

Hey, this is Bond

Hello

I need to speak to Bonds

Hello

This is Mr. Bond

May I speak with Mr. Bond, please?

Hello

God damn you

Son of a bitch

Hello

I command you to answer

Hello

I'm calling on behalf of the Queen Mother

And they hung up

Lonesome Losers

Try to get more Bonds

It's kind of fun

If I hadn't, I'd have fucked it up

I had a chance to do it right

Right, and I didn't do it right.

I did it wrong, motherfucker.

I'm going to try to call him back.

Hey, speak to Mr. Bond, please.

Hello?

Well, he is at 9, sorry.

Bullshit!

Put on Mr. Bond right now.

And that's why women shouldn't answer the phone.

If you're a woman listening to this show right now, you know that.

If you're married, you know you don't answer the phone.

The man is the person who answers the phone in the house unless the man is tired,

and he points at you and then points at the phone to go get the phone.

Saigon says eat sweet potatoes because they're good carbs.

Wow.

All right.

Nunu asking how much are your bases?

Bases, good point.

How much are your bases?

And Dave Slott says, ca-caw.

All right, cool.

There you go.

That's for your ca-caw.

This is the President's.

This is Valente calling from the United States of America.

I don't want the call, thank you.

No, no, no, I need to speak to Mr. Turner.

It's urgent.

Why?

Because the house is being foreclosed on.

What?

We're foreclosing on the house.

Don't be silly.

No, no, no.

I'm a Jewish-American lawyer, and you guys are going to, you guys lost the house already.

I'm the new owner of the building.

You have to start paying rent.

No.

You have euro over there?

How many euros are you going to send for rent?

How many euros do you have on your income so I can make an arrangement for your payment?

How many euros?

Hello, yes, sir.

How many euros do you make a year?

Go forth and multiply yourself.

Go multiply myself?

You can go multiply yourself by zero.

You know what you would become?

Zero, stupid.

You're so stupid you don't even know math.

You're inferior, sir.

Good night.

All right.

There we go.

Did you tell me to go multiply myself?

Go multiply yourself.

Yeah.

Go multiply yourself by zero, asshole.

Because zero times anything is zero.

That's what they taught me in school.

How about ten bucks of credit?

I've had it for like a good three months now with this Google Voice.

Fucking great.

Hey, how you doing there, buddy?

Hello?

May I speak with Mr. Bomb, please?

Well, at least call me in the morning.

Oh, the night or the morning.

Make it up.

I'm in the United States of America.

Yeah, why?

Okay.

Well, look, I need to have a situation.

I was wondering if I could probably employ your services, please.

Do you like to clean toilets?

Hello?

Hello? Give me the phone.

Hear the red horn.

Check out the echo.

Echo?

Call the machine.

Machine.

That's the CIA listening to the call.

That's somebody fucking in Cheyenne Mountain right now listening to us.

Associating me with a crazy fucker from California.

Starting to wind things down here.

It's getting close to midnight.

They've been laughing about lube on seven pancakes.

And I've got a funny story.

I was trying to tell a crazy fucker, but you know, he gets into his crazy rants.

Athena, she had her bridal shower, and one of the ladies bought her an assortment of, you know,

you know sexual um toys and lubrications and kind of fun stuff you know and uh you know because

she's getting married you know we need that kind of stuff of course but one of the items there was

like a strawberry flavored um massage oil or something like that or it was a strawberry

flavored cream or something like that i was like oh fuck it's edible it's like edible strawberry

flavored cream and i said awesome i bet you that tastes good and for some reason i i went it's

It's in a squeezy tube, so I took the cap out so I could take off the little paper separator there

that you have to take out when you use something for the first time, like the mayonnaise.

I took it out, and I screwed it back on, and I flipped the top,

and I opened my mouth, and I held it, and I squeezed it.

It's basically like an oversized toothpaste thing.

And, oh, did it taste nasty.

I put a bunch of it in my mouth, and I was going to eat it.

I thought this was going to taste like candy, but no.

As a matter of fact, it actually tasted like ass.

It tasted very, very chemical-y.

And no amount of toothbrushing and scope mixed with fucking Listerine would help out.

It was disgusting.

So, yeah, don't make a meal out of your sexual creams and edible this, edible pants.

I like to try edible pants.

I think edible pants, they look like they taste like, you know, Twizzlers.

I've seen them before.

I've never eaten them before.

I did see an episode of that show, Kirby Enthusiasm, where Larry David ate a pair of edible underwear.

That was pretty funny.

he seemed to like it

he seemed to think

it was pretty good

I'm going to try

one or two more here

let's see if we have

any more numbers

for the UK

maybe no

it did not taste

like cough syrup

it tasted like

cough syrup

I can't explain

how it tasted

it tasted like

melted plastic

that had gone rancid

to be honest with you

I just tried to

eat this shit

like it was like

you know

like frosting

I was like

this is going to

taste like a

strawberry frosting

and it tasted like

chemicals and ass

Dave Slavs ate

an edible cock

apparently

that's awesome

yeah sean is mentioning uh there was a new kirby enthusiasm man you know i forgot to

d uh forgot to dvr that but i can catch it online on on demand probably uh i probably will you know

i might do it tonight after the show now that you brought it up i was planning on doing it this

weekend but fuck i might uh i might actually do it tonight i think got a lot of tv to watch and

behind in some shows hell's kitchen an episode of that a top chef etc etc anyway i digress let's get

Get out of here.

Madhouse Live again.

MadhouseLive.com is the website.

My AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger, which I failed to give out before, is Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Radio and AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

This has been Madhouse Radio for Thursday, September the 24th.

Y'all have a good night.

We'll catch you next week.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow to Zolara Vision, Zolara Party Nation.

9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

No to imperialism.

Calls (6, 19 min of 50 min)

Transcript

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