That’s Right

You guys are so gay.

That's right.

See?

You are listening to House Radio Podcast.

Yes, finally here.

Carlito here, finally on the air.

On the air, air, air, air.

We have Milkman here on the air also.

Milkman on the air.

On the air, Milkman.

Milkman.

Morning.

Hey, Joe.

About time.

Welcome back.

Hey, Joe.

Thank you.

How was your week?

We ready to kick some butt?

My week was a piece of shit.

it speaking of that yeah yeah speaking to which tucker mike is here also mike tucker microsoft

tucker mike.com yes sir hey man what'd you think of those voicemails the guy from crazy fucker

let's see what time 4 11 a.m on the 11th it was a weird 4 11 a.m eastern standard time yesterday

morning crazy fucker left crazy fucker was drunk dialing apparently he was drunk dialing he called

all the mouth,

the mouth blind.

I left those two messages.

I thought I'd play them for you.

When did you,

when did you make those?

Um,

fuck if I know.

I told you.

November 11th,

4-11 in the morning.

There would have been,

uh,

like,

uh,

what time would that be?

Oh,

God.

1-11 a.m.

his time.

Until he sounds drunk off his ass.

I'm gonna listen to them.

Listen to him.

He,

he,

he lets one of those long,

uh,

we've all had those before.

Chalito!

We gotta,

We got to isolate this and just play it to people.

Just fuck the fuck with them.

Just like this.

Yeah, he does need to call in live.

Maybe he'll be around.

If he was around yesterday at 4.11 in the morning,

maybe he's still out there.

Crazy fucker, you call in.

Oh, my God.

That is funny, though.

I really like that long.

I'm going to keep playing that all night tonight.

God, these fucking turds.

In the background every now and then.

That's just something.

Ended up with that big turd plopping sound.

Oh, man.

Good to hear from him, though. At least he's alive still.

Apparently he was making comments now about the Fort Hood incident last week.

He mentioned that.

He cracked himself up, right?

That was the first time I heard it. I had never heard it before.

He cracked himself up in the message. Let's listen to that.

Hello, hello. I've tried to contact Mr. Valente there.

Hey, you have a doctor's appointment there at Fort Hood, Texas there to get your veterans benefits here.

a couple days ago.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

He just cracked himself up.

He just...

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Hello, hello.

I'm a barrel.

All right, cool.

Kick-ass crazy fucker.

Good on you, man.

Yeah, whatever.

Well, it's good to be back here

at Madhouse Radio tonight.

I have video running

for the first time

over at the madhouselive.com website.

If you're listening and not at the website, you should be there right now

because everyone is there chatting away.

Everyone who's listening is also chatting.

98.6 to the mile.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man, I got a nasal thing going on.

I don't know if it's going to kick in or what.

I don't know.

There's a lot of allergens out there and very nasally.

You might have to go blow your penostral tube, man.

My penostral tube.

Thank you.

That made perfect sense.

Thank you, sir.

Milkman had a big interview today.

Congratulations on sending you out to interview with the folks over with HoverRound.

How'd that go for you, man?

That's right, man.

man. They're going to adapt

the new Rascal Scooter line

after the Madhouse Express

is going to be now part of the

Hoveron. Yeah!

Oh, yay. Oh, boy.

Can't wait for that. We'll probably get about two listeners

out of that. Can't wait for that.

We got numbers coming in from Lonesome Loser.

Actually, it's their most popular model.

Big thank you to Lonesome Loser.

Lonesome Loser's going to get some numbers for Hoveron.

Let's see what we got from him.

Wow, we got a lot, actually.

Boogie Burger, Whiskey Creek Steakhouse,

tandoori fusion tandoori fusion tandoori fusion chinese restaurant that would be uh

10 isn't tandoori uh that's uh fucking indian food though isn't it that's right that's like

an indian chinese fusion wow uh dude steakhouse rivera's mexican food rivera's mexican food

jordan's fine dining the fifth quarter classic restaurant baby huey's barbecue baby huey you

watch baby huey that was like freaky cartoon baby huey was at that big chicken wasn't like

like a big chicken it's like a big dumb chicken right i had a teacher in school used to call him

baby huey behind his back all the time uh el chihuahua restaurant he looked like baby

he looked like big baby huey uh el chihuahua restaurant as i said the t-bone restaurant

up back steakhouse i think uh lots of losers hungry tonight let's lose in the mood for some

food texas roadhouse minute mark quick shop where a guy answered gui baby he's some sort of bird but

but I don't believe he was a chicken.

No, I thought he looked like a big, overgrown baby chick.

I think that's what it was.

It was something weird like that, like a big, overgrown baby chick.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure, yeah.

Fanita Liquor.

I wonder if that's true.

I'm going to ask if they named it after a black lady.

They named it after a black girl, Fanita.

F-A-N-I-T-A Liquor.

They're in Santee, California.

Milkman, where's that?

Where's zip code 92071?

Any clue?

That is in the south.

Yeah, that's in the south.

In the south?

Fuck.

Wow.

That's Mexican town.

We got some motels and stuff.

We got some hotels.

We got some hotels, some motels, and a few holiday inns, everybody.

We got a lot to do, a lot to get to here tonight.

I want to, again, mention the madhouselive.com website where you can subscribe to the podcast.

Actually, I've been making a lot of changes to the site.

It's about 86% right now retrieved.

I still have to fix the podcast

that's still missing

you can subscribe to the old

podcast in the front you can listen to

prank calls through the front page

but the new podcasts are not yet live

almost there

actually I take that back

it took a radical upgrade isn't it

yeah it took a little while

if you click on the show archives button

on the Madhouse Live

webpage that's what the

podcast is going to look like now

that's that's the old podcast you know thrown into that the same format i just have to finish

doing it for prank calls only and then all the new shows from september on are going to be part

of the new podcast all those old episodes are going are going away as far as podcasting is

concerned but they'll still be available at the website and hopefully the forums also eventually

what's been going on in the news they did a lot of stuff happen this week what happened

lou dobbs that's what i want to talk about lou dobbs cnn quit last night all of a sudden i got

I saw the email, hit my Twitter account, and I was like, what?

Lou Dobbs, just in the middle of a show, just decided, I'm out and bouncing.

He says that he could do better as an activist or something.

I think what it is, and a lot of people speculate, he's probably going to Fox News, to be honest.

I mean, he's always been a conservative, you know.

He's a right-wing piece of grass.

yeah and a lot of people just because he went anti-bush um you know for a while there towards

the end because shit got bad i mean really because he's one of those he's like you know bob bar

he's like one of those uh republicans but as you know it has a little bit of uh of some

semblance of intelligence where they get turned off by the whole religious right kind of uh you

know really you know off the wall stay repealing kind of uh conservatism they don't go for that

that radical conservatives and stuff like that,

and the whole religious thing, they don't...

So they kind of...

He kind of distanced himself from the Bush,

but he talked against Obama quite a bit during the election.

And I remember someone was talking,

was like, I don't know what's with Lou Dobbs, he's pissing me off.

He used to be so on the ball, you know,

when it came to being anti-Bush,

and look at him, he's talking about Obama.

I'm like, yeah, but, you know, four years ago,

Lou Dobbs, he's always been like that.

He's trying to keep somebody watching his show.

No, he's always been a conservative piece of trash.

Of course.

Right-wing garbage.

Yeah, of course.

So there you go.

I'm working some peached iced tea.

Peached.

Peached iced tea.

Not just peach iced tea.

It has E-D at the end of it.

Peached iced tea.

Yeah, it's been, it's had peach, peach made to it.

It's been, someone did peach on it, and it's peached.

Okay, so who are we going to call then?

A motel?

I got an article that I want to talk about here, and another article I wanted to talk

about here.

We'll get to that later.

Actually, Lonesome Loser, we need a number for a Burger King stat.

It has to do with the article.

Not any particular, preferably a Burger King in the United States.

If you can hook me up with an open Burger King phone number, it should be pretty easy.

Just paste it to me real quick.

I'd like to call them and get into this topic.

Which I think might be a good premise for a prank call.

Have it your way.

Yeah.

All right.

Burger King.

We're going to call that Fenita Liquor.

Santee, California, as mentioned before.

Just a moment.

You love that one, don't you, Milkman?

Yeah.

Geez.

I wish we could.

Whatever makes you happy, man.

Whatever makes you happy.

Lickety-split, baby.

Lickety-lick.

Always shippin' ass, right, sub?

You guys are so gay.

That's right.

See?

Gay, keep it gay, keep it gay.

Jack Masterson going here, eh?

What's the largest content of alcohol?

Like, 10 or 11, 10 or so people.

I'm trying to train several people, so I'll ask them what kind of content-wise is the largest that it costs.

You know?

Largest I have is Coors Light, and it's $23.99.

I got the...

I have a 30-pack of...

Spaces are in there.

I have a... how many what?

Spaces. Yeah.

You said 30 viewers. I'm talking about spaces.

How many spaces are in there?

I don't know what a spacer is.

You don't have any spaces there?

No, I don't.

Is there an English speaker I could talk to? Because I'm maybe, you know...

yeah i'm right here is there someone else i could talk to because you don't seem to you know

understand things refusing me so like you're refusing to put me on to someone else okay

thanks have a good night let me speak to your manager call him back frank so it was a throwaway

you know this and having that we'll call him later let him stew for a little bit and then

we'll ask him about finita man love that tea i think you should have just had for banita instead

dead good point needles point here's a burger king win a muka nevada burger cam a girl named

megan answered at 10 29 p.m all right hey where's megan he's counting inventory right now who's this

counting inventory hey big megan how you doing this is megan hey this is big megan i'm sorry

it's big megan i am megan big megan though you're big no you're a little big though i heard you

sound you know a little big how much you weigh okay may i ask who's business regarding please

This is Valente.

I got to talk to Jesus, but he was saying that you were a big girl,

so I'm like, is this Big Megan then?

And he talked to Big Megan.

That is your friend Valente or whatever, and apparently you told him I was fat.

Now, if you would take your call...

Hello?

Yeah, dude, what are you fucking around with Megan for?

Huh?

What are you fucking around with Megan for?

Like, what are you going to call her fat and shit?

I never said she was fat.

I thought she was plus size, but not fat.

No, you said like Big Megan and all that.

I mean, why?

You guys got that $1 double cheeseburger?

Mm-hmm.

How much does that cost to make?

A dollar or ten.

Is a dollar ten to make?

Are you pissed off about that?

Does it bother you?

About what?

Does it make you mad that you're selling the burger and you're losing ten cents each burger you sell?

Yeah.

Because I heard they're going to take care of some of the jobs.

They're going to cut back.

What was that?

They're cutting back.

They're cutting back at the store.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, I work there.

Yeah, in Omega.

Who's this?

Fanta.

Listen, they're going to lay off a few people tomorrow morning on Friday.

So, a few people in the morning shift and a few people in the night shift.

So I'm just saying that I heard that Jesus and Megan were on the list.

It's true.

It's true, everybody.

They don't want to believe me, but it's fucking true.

We'll call them back.

Painful revelation, obviously.

Hey, Big Megan, what's up?

Okay, what is this regarding?

It's regarding the 10-cent difference between the double cheeseburger, what you're selling it for,

and it costs 10 cents more to make.

I'm sorry?

Every double cheeseburger, it costs the franchise at least $1.10.

That's correct.

And you're selling it for $1.

That is correct.

So are you stupid or something?

Yeah, stupendous. Thank you.

Really? Why do you sell it for less than it costs?

It's stupid.

Thank you.

The whole thing, what I found out, I got an article here.

Thank you.

She did say thank you. That was an important answer.

Burger King franchisees are suing their hamburger company.

Thank you.

There's several lawsuits by the franchisees of Burger King stores

against the company itself over its $1 double cheeseburger promotion,

saying they're losing money on the deal and the company can't set maximum menu prices.

The National Franchise Association, a group that represents more than 80% of Burger King's U.S. franchise owners,

said the $1 promotion forces restaurant owners to sell the quarter-pound burger with at least a $0.10 loss.

That's some fucking shit.

While costs vary by location, the $1 double cheeseburger typically costs franchisees at least $1.10,

said Dan Frispatrick, a Burger King franchisee owner from South Bend, Indiana,

who is a spokesman for the association.

It includes $0.55 for the cost of the meat, bun, cheese, and toppings,

and $0.45 goes to the expenses such as rent, royalties, and worker wages.

Apparently, they tested the $1 deal in markets across the country,

and then it went on sale nationwide last month,

even though franchise owners who operate 90% of the stores

stores rejected it twice because of the expense so apparently uh the franchise the franchise owners

are stealing Burger King itself because of the fact that it costs more to make the burger than

they are allowed to sell it for and uh it's it's affecting them it's hitting them apparently and

then they're not allowed per their whole contractual obligations of Burger King you know corporate and

you never you never thought about that like when I go to Burger King I feel like I'm just going to

Burger King you always get the same product right like there's no difference between one Burger

Burger King and the other, there's no difference between one McDonald's or another.

But in reality, I guess they all are independent.

They're all owned by one company in Orlando.

I think there's only one dude, some Greek guy.

He owns most of the McDonald's in Orlando.

I forgot the name.

It's called Jonco or something like that.

Every McDonald's you go to, it says on the door, this is owned by Jonco.

And they're all...

Oh, yeah.

I saw those before.

They have them over in Tampa, too, the Malacca Burger Corporation.

Malacca Burgers, yeah.

They make them out of Malacca's and pita bread.

Anyway, but the bullshit here, you know what I want to mention?

You want to know why I think it's bullshit on Burger King's part?

You know, I can step up.

On the franchisee's part, I think it's bullshit because, as a matter of fact, I know that McDonald's, back in the day,

McDonald's used to sell the quarter pounder for two for two.

You got two quarter pounders for $2.

Two quarter pounder with cheese for $2, man.

It was the most beautiful thing in the world.

When I was out, I would eat a lot of it because it was a cheap dinner, lunch, and breakfast.

I mean, I would buy extra and save it and eat it for breakfast the next morning.

I would eat cold double cheeseburgers because they're $1 each.

And this here, the double cheeseburger that they're selling is a quarter-pound patty at Burger King.

So it's the same damn thing.

So why is it costing them $1.10, and how come McDonald's did it so successfully?

Well, maybe not because they haven't done it for a good while.

I think it's been like five or six years since they took it off, though.

But, man, that was the shit.

They did it for a long time without any problems.

What's the fucking deal?

I think these franchisee owners need to get real.

They're obviously paying somebody way too much money.

You know what it is?

I think it's that the Burger King Corporation is waking.

I think the Burger King Corporation makes way too much money off the top.

They're making 40.

How much is there?

I saw it here before.

I think they make like 25% off the top or something like that.

I don't know.

It goes straight to Burger King, National Corporation itself.

And then I started looking here, and they actually have a breakdown of different, of those new, you know, everywhere.

Subway, Quiznos, McDonald's, they all have their own little dollar menu.

Taco Bell's been doing it.

Taco Bell was the first.

It started with Taco Bell.

They were the ones that had the special menu, the value menu.

you'd go and it only cost you 49 cents 59 cents to get a taco stuff like that you can't find that

anymore it's it's well it's everything's a dollar now at least i think for even the crappy taco they

used to be able to get for 49 cents it doesn't matter anymore then uh wendy's did it they had

their 99 cent menu and then slowly but surely you know mcdonald's and everyone else started doing it

and this is the sign of the economy that we're in right now but apparently apparently and my my

Well, my favorite of the bargain deals is the Little Caesars $5 pizza,

which we have talked about on the show before.

We've done prank calls, I believe, right?

Haven't we had Jack Masterson calling about the $5 pizza?

All right, so here it says, this is a breakdown.

The promotion is hot and ready pizza.

Get one 14-inch large cheese or pepperoni pizza for $5 at participating locations, right?

Which is, for the most part, most of them.

It used to go for $10.99.

For $10.99, it will cost you $10.99 to buy that one large, one topping pizza.

For the last, let's say for the last six years now, it's only been $5, and they're always freaking ready.

Apparently, the restaurant makes $0.90 a pizza every time they sell one of those.

Introduced six years ago, the hot and ready pizza promotion offers the large pizza for just $5.

Even though some stores charge about $0.55 more than that, margins are still slim.

The cost of a single pizza's ingredients and packaging amounts to $3.50, according to a franchise operator in Georgia.

Tack on another $0.60 for rent, labor, and utilities, and the stores earn about $0.90 per pizza that they sell when they're selling it for $5 each.

Interesting, huh?

That's not much at all.

I don't know.

How do they survive?

Really?

That's why a lot of them fucking closed down, dude.

Yeah.

I'm telling you.

I feel bad now going in there getting that $5 pizza because it's like, dude, they're only making $9.

That's like me going into a gas station and just buying a soda.

Shit, you better have to tip the owner.

Yeah, I know, right?

Yeah, you should leave a tip for your owner.

Yeah, leave him a dollar.

That's more than the amount that he's going to be making for selling it.

Give him an extra 10 cents and he makes a clean dollar at least.

I'm going to start doing that.

Give this to the owner.

Give the guy a fucking bone, man.

Writing the check.

Here we go, McDonald's and their dollar menu.

menu mcdonald's customers may purchase a number of items including french fries ice cream sundaes

four-piece chicken nugget and a double cheeseburger my favorite for a dollar each uh the double

cheeseburger and dude we had a whole show where we talked to mcdonald's about the change in the

menu remember we had that whole thing where they just all they did was take off a slice of cheese

and call it a mcdouble and raise the price of it so here you go uh they make six cents per uh each

of those uh hamburgers that they sell the double cheeseburgers six cents that's it six cents but

i'm sure they're selling a lot of those fucking six cents uh well that's still those six cents

per burger that's like going in and buying a pack of gum you know yeah yeah i don't know how i guess

what they do some slim-ass margins they figure you go in and you order like that's where they

see that's where they get you when you pull in now drinks that's where they kill you on the drinks

Do you want fries?

Would you like an extra with that?

Yeah, well, here we go.

Of course, the markup on fountain drinks and French fries is pretty high.

However, many consumers these days are foregoing such add-ons.

McDonald's has not immediately returned phone calls to them, to this website, and email seeking comment.

So apparently McDonald's is hitting, but fuck that, because as a matter of fact,

I read an article today that McDonald's sales are going up, as a matter of fact.

So whatever they're doing, it's working.

Because that's the whole, like you said, Milk, when you get there.

McDonald's is making a killing.

like you're doing really well yeah yeah mcdonald's is doing and you know what it is and we talked

about this too is the coffee those iced coffees are they sell them for like they sell them cheaper

than you get them in starbucks they're easier to get they're faster you just go right to the you

know they never screw it up it's really easy to order the shit and uh even though they're selling

it for less than starbucks you know they're still making at least a dollar fifty off of each one

they have to be because they're charging you three bucks for a large iced coffee it can't be

be that much is ice a little bit of milk you know a squirt of syrup is water and coffee water yeah

coffee water yeah and then the soda think about the fountain soda you go there and they started

selling what uh for 99 cents each right but what is it really they're selling you water with syrup

and you know carbonated water with syrup and ice three quarters of its three quarters it is you're

right man and that's the the return of thing dude you know and it's the stupidest to me it's the

the stupidest thing to get ice with your drink like a lot of times i'll say no ice because it's

coming out cold or the damn machine is refrigerated when you when they take it out of the fountain

it's cold and refrigerated it's not like they're opening up a room temperature soda can or a two

liter bottle that you got to put ice on it it's coming out cold you have to have a so you just

you're just watering down your soda and getting about you know a third less of what you what you

would get for you know it's a waste of time ridiculous that's gonna make a kill on that

yeah well they always do yeah oh yeah dude soda yeah fuck that uh they talk you get bummed like

when i'm gonna order the special you like a drink with that no wow would you like fries with that no

i already got a drink here i'm full just give me a special thanks quiznos had a coupon recently

expired on march 15th of 09 however uh but it ran for about a year it was 529 for one six inch

chicken sandwich it was wildly popular they had a loss of 225 per sandwich that they sold oh my

god no wonder i saw a lot of quiznos go out that's probably why just because that one stupid coupon

well that's crazy they had this it was called the quiznos million sub giveaway 529 for a half

size chicken sandwich and the store lost 220 each and when anytime someone went there and said they

They just wanted that.

They lost $2.25 per customer.

That's something else.

Quiznos claims to have reimbursed franchise owners for food and paper costs, which amount to roughly $2.25, they say.

So it's supposedly evened out, but a lot of the franchise owners are actually contesting that.

That might be another fucking lawsuit right there.

Subway makes $1.20 per $5 footlong that they sell.

The jingle of the fucking year.

I think that's going to end up being like, if there was a jingle of 2009,

that would have to be that stupid Subway song.

It's everywhere, all the time, anywhere.

Even on satellite radio, you can't get away from it.

And then Baskin-Robbins loses.

Baskin-Robbins, when they do their 31-cent promotion price once a year,

they lose $1.45 per scoop of ice cream.

There we go.

That's our food talk.

Hope you guys enjoyed it.

Makes you think, huh?

Yeah, he's running on his Tesco bean rations over there.

He's just taking all the pork out now.

oh man

Maven says

she always asks

to make sure

that they give

little to no ice

cheap skin

yeah some places

give you so much ice

I get so pissed off

like the movie theater

I tell them

no fucking ice

that's the fucking worst

you know that

you go to the movie theater

and they're already

charging you four bucks

for the thing

and they load the

I'm like you motherfucker

yeah five dollars

for a fucking small drink

and like you know

it is like

it's gotta be at least

four fifty

I'm not

no shit

you get a large drink

and you get a large

Diet Coke

it's four fifty

and it's fucking

full of ice

get out of here

Here, I tell them no ice.

I tell them that.

Shit, I could just get another ticket for that.

And I'll tell you what, and it's no joke.

If you go to Disney World, I live in Orlando, Disney World, Universal Studios, or SeaWorld,

they fill a cup full of ice when you get a Coke, you know, 500.

They sell one size regular, like five bucks, and it's super iced up.

You got to tell them, like, no ice, man, or little ice.

Like, I always make sure when I go to a theme park, I'm like, hey, no ice in that shit.

I've told them that before.

They know

They don't like

You know

If you're a ragged one like me

No ice motherfuckers

Maybe it's a

No ice

No ice for Mr. Carlito

No

Oh Mr. Carlito

No

No there

Mr. Carlito

Don't get no ice

In his Diet Coke machine

You know what I mean

We got another Burger King

Let's complain about the ice

Nuno had an idea

For a profanity sensor

I thought it was a good idea

Nuno's idea for

I'm so sorry

That kid is new

I'll fix it right up

I'll take this ice

In a way

and get you the real one, Mr. Carlito.

The kid's new.

Don't get mad, Mr. Carlito.

It's okay.

He's new.

Please.

He didn't know.

Here you go.

You can go on this ride for free.

Yeah.

I paid $80 to get in here.

They raised the price, guys.

They raised the price.

I think they raised it to $85 to get into freaking...

Right now, if you're in Orlando, if you're going to go on vacation,

like Jonathan, he's coming next week.

If he's planning on going to Epcot or wherever he's going to go,

it's $85 per day to get in.

Yeah, when I was a senior in high school in 97, it was still $42.

It went up from $39 to $42.

I was like, God, I can't get any higher than that.

It's $40 more than that now.

It's like $82.

I think it's more than $80.

It's like $85 or something.

I don't know.

I'm telling you, man.

And then everything is so expensive inside.

It's as expensive as a Microdot.

You might as well just write down, just say straight out $100 because it's basically what you're spending.

Might as well.

You might as well just, when you get to Disney, you might as well just give them your wallet and say,

Say, here, here's my wallet.

You tell me how much you think I should have back.

How much should I have back?

Please.

Since you got kids.

You got kids?

Fuck.

Kids are going to want candy.

Oh, my God.

You're talking a grand, dude.

Might as well buy a Buick.

Just buy a Buick.

Fuck Disney.

How about a Dodge Stratus?

There you go.

Buy yourself a Dodge Stratus.

Buy yourself a Prius.

Buy yourself a Mercedes.

Fuck that.

You're a kid.

Everything, all that stuff you want, want, want, want.

I got a mad-ass Mercedes out there.

There you go.

Just buy yourself some Disney stock.

It's called Alexis, but...

Go to Vegas' Gamble at all.

Maybe you'll win.

Every once in a while.

Better yet, go to Reno.

All right, it's called Burger King.

Complain about the ice.

Anyway, Nunu's idea.

I was trying to get to you.

I forgot.

I was explaining that.

Nunu says we call.

We do some curses.

We do cursing, right?

Cursing stuff.

And then we wait a little bit, and then we call back,

and then we'll have someone else call the second time around

and say, hey, this is the phone company.

We've got a report.

You've got a prank call.

Poop and fudge.

Poop and fudge, yeah.

Yeah, we'll say that we're from the phone company.

We heard you got a prank call, and people are like, yeah, yeah, we got a prank call.

So we're going to put a profanity filter on the phone.

We're going to test it out right now and start cursing and acting like it isn't working right

and see what happens, see where it goes.

Yeah, is the dead listening?

You can have that part there where the crazy fuck is on there going.

There we go.

Hey, matter of fact, that's a good idea.

deal let's do that that's what i'm going to do i'm going to play that and then i'll call back

as the phone company asked if they got a you know harassing call and then we're making a report

we're tracing this guy and do we do you want us to activate the profanity filter and then when i do

that then you know and we'll get that and there we go let's do it yep our switchboard is lit up

and notated that you received the call switchboard i see how many cups tonight everybody is sorry

I'll jump your jack.

Heard a prank call the other day that we did and it said that.

I'll jump your jack, the guy said to me.

I'll jump your jack.

Yeah.

Hey, is this Burger King?

This is the Burger King.

Listen, I'm calling the number back on my receipt.

Would that mean this is the place that I bought my stuff from?

Yes.

All right, listen to me.

What's the deal with the ice over there?

Why is so much ice?

So much ice in your drink?

Yeah, what you put so much ice in the drink for?

Huh?

Hello?

I'm talking about it.

I didn't do it, the drink, so.

What is your name?

Your name is Popeye?

Is there an American I can speak to?

No, but you have an accent.

Maybe I should just talk to an American.

Occasion?

Can you put Hefe on, please?

Listen, I don't understand that guy's accent,

but what's the deal with the ice over there?

Why is there so much ice in my drink?

Tell me, does it come out cold or hot from the machine?

It comes out cold.

That's just how we're taught to do it.

But I said it specifically, little ice, and she's like that, and she put a bunch of ice.

People put a bunch of ice in my drink.

Why?

I get my house, and it's all ice.

What do I pay?

How much does the ice cost?

I don't know.

Listen, I want you people to make this right.

I need several large drinks now with no ice.

Jesse, come here.

I want several large drinks.

Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen.

Hold on a second.

No, you need to fix this.

I was thinking about, like, hi, this is Jesse.

You need to fix this.

This is ridiculous.

What?

What kind of ways is it to do business?

I'm sorry.

I just got handed the phone.

What's wrong?

Are you the manager?

What are you doing there?

Yes.

Listen, I got home, and my drink has so much ice in it.

It has so much ice that in three sips, it was watered down already.

It was below.

The ice was already showing on the top.

Okay.

What size drink did you get?

I don't know when you came through.

Did you come through drive-thru, front counter?

Drive-thru, yeah.

Why so much?

What's the deal with the ice?

What is going on?

What is this?

Are you people having trouble with money?

No.

Tell me what happened.

Tell me the truth.

You got the one that was supposed to be extra ice.

No, I didn't order extra ice.

I understand that, but we could have had a customer that ordered extra ice,

and you just simply got the wrong drink.

Well, you need to fix this.

I want several large drinks with no ice.

For one drink?

No, I can't do that.

What's your name?

My name's Jessie.

You got your papers over there?

When I come in, I want to see your papers.

What papers?

Your papers that say that you have the authority there to make these decisions.

Yes, I do.

I do.

I do. It's hanging on the wall.

Go get them right now and read them to me.

I'm looking at them. I'm surf safe certified and shift certified.

Give me all the numbers.

So, you don't need the numbers.

I can replace your one drink that you ordered.

No, I think we should do three because I'm going back and everything.

Well, no.

Well, I want three drinks.

I'm sorry?

I want three drinks or you're going to get written up.

Okay, fine.

I'm writing you up right now.

Listen, what's your name? Jesse?

Yep.

Jesse is written up.

What's your social security number?

I'm not giving you my social security number.

What's the first number?

I'm not giving you that.

I'll give you my number.

I'll give you my first number.

It's three.

I don't want your social security number.

Like I said, I can replace the drink.

I want clean cups and everything.

I want to see it done because I know how you people do.

You can make dirty stuff in it, right?

Oh, whatever.

No, we don't do that here.

You can believe what you want.

Are you having trouble paying?

paying like is that what it is you can tell me any problems paying it's okay if you don't have

if you have a problem like you know with payroll i won't tell anybody but just tell me the truth

be honest to me you don't have a problem with that actually thank you very much i mean are the

are the checks bouncing around there no do you pay the bills or is someone else that does it in

charge and then they hung up i've been snotty and cocky i'll get to see my numbers they're on the

the wall i can't read them anyway she doesn't have any she got no papers paper she has them right

she's like yeah i got my papers paper hanging out her ass yeah i got my papers one step to the shoe

now i got hanging on the wall we're gonna open up the phone lines in a little bit if you're

enjoying the show let us know send me a message make yourself hurt tell me what it is what the

deal is please nina says not to do the cursing fuck the first call all right we're gonna do

this right i find my uh earbuds over here the only ear goggle all right give me a second i'll

be right back i'm gonna play that uh pizza prank call if i can remember what it was titled it was

pizza was it pizza or pizza can find under under jack i thought it was jack orders pizza yeah here

we go jack orders pizza everybody yeah we found it fucker hello god for a little bit please hello

for a little bit yes it's a little loud over there is it busy no sounds like there's a lot of noise

in the background it's gonna be quiet so i can make my order nobody is being loud sure because

it sounds a little loud i hear radio in the background or something no there's no radio

people talking loud no are you ready for my order yes if it's busy are you gonna have the five

dollar pizza ready yes busy right so how long is it gonna take it's not busy okay well i mean i

I can wait like 15, 20 minutes if you need me.

No, it's not busy.

I'm on my cell phone.

I'm almost there right now.

Is that okay?

Okay.

Okay, but I need a specialty pizza, though.

Okay.

All right.

Do you have an extra large or just you go to large only?

Just large.

Do you have at least five of the pepperoni in real life?

What was that?

Do you have at least five of the pepperoni pizzas in real life?

May I ask who this is?

I'm asking if you have at least five of the pepperoni pizzas available.

May I ask who this is?

This is Jack, Jack Masterson.

I'm about three minutes away, but it sounds like it's busy, so I'm just making sure that you know.

No, it's just I heard there were a whole bunch of ridiculous type questions being asked,

but I just wanted to know if there's five pepperonis up and ready for you.

Why do you have to treat me like I'm an animal?

What's that? I'm sorry?

Why do you have to treat me like I'm an animal?

Sir, do you need five pepperonis up and ready?

I'm asking if you have, because it's busy.

She said it's busy.

It's not busy.

There's nobody in our lobby.

Did you need to know if there's five pepperonis up or not?

Yeah, and I need to make an order for a special pizza.

All right, could I get your phone number from you, please?

Do you really need my phone number, sir?

Yes, I do.

I've got to put your phone number and your name in.

And, John, if this is you, I'm going to be very frustrated.

All right, fine.

It's 360.

Three?

RID is right there, sir.

You don't have...

You want to give me that number again, please?

6-0.

One moment.

Jesus.

Yeah, I know, it's terrible.

3-6-0.

Are you tracing me?

No, I'm not.

3-6-0.

I have 3-6-0.

Anything else for you?

And the name under this for you?

What can we do for you?

You know, I was a Vietnam veteran, so I got interrogated then.

What can we do for you today?

What other pizza other than the pepperonis would you like?

Well, what I was asking the woman was if you have extra large or you only go to large people.

No, we just have large and smalls.

How many inches is a large?

Large is 14 inches. It's got 10 slices.

Is it the same size as those pepperonis?

Yes, it is.

Well, yeah. Well, get ready for my order.

I'm sorry. What was that?

I say shut up and get ready for my order, please.

Hello?

Make an order, please.

Okay.

Five or your finest pepperoni.

First I have to get your phone number and your name.

Three, six, zero.

Okay.

And your name?

Is your name Jack?

Jack Rasmussen, yes.

And what can I get for you?

I need to have five pepperoni pizzas ready for me when I come in about five minutes.

Okay, there is right now only four pepperoni pizzas.

I said there was five.

He promised me.

Yeah, there's going to be five in like two seconds, sir,

but if you don't get in before someone else, we can't save a hot and ready pizza for you.

Well, I'm doing call ahead seating.

Okay, just one second.

Can you call in and order a five pepperoni so we make sure that everyone gets it?

You can't call it in.

They're hot and ready.

They're always ready.

We will make sure that there's five.

What does this say on the paper that I can't call it in?

It doesn't say first come first serve.

Taking me for a ride.

What?

Taking me for a ride.

Tell him that he's taking me, that I said he's taking me for a ride.

Who's he, sir?

The manager man that's back there saying...

He's not here. He's gone, actually.

He just clocked off and left.

Well, whoever the other guy is who thinks he's...

He's making you say these bad things to me.

Tell him that I said that he's taking me for a ride.

Are you... Are you prank calling us or something?

Excuse me, ma'am. I was in Vietnam.

I would never, ever do it.

You know what they did to me?

they put in my belly and they didn't let it with any antiseptic on it no he's saying that you need

to shut your mouth i didn't say i didn't say you need to shut your mouth i said okay sir just just

calm down i didn't say she's lying i said you're taking me for a ride all right all right you

wanted five pepperonis yeah you promised me that they'd be there and then now she said there's only

four too bad and then she said that i told you to shut i didn't say that that's all right so it's

It's all good. Okay, you wanted five pepperonis, right?

Did you clock out already?

This isn't the manager. He...

No, but if you clocked out, no, you don't have to...

It's okay. Put her back on, because you clocked out. It's okay.

All right. One moment.

All right.

Hello? Hi.

If he will clock out for the night,

you don't make him go back on the phone to work, okay?

Because that's illegal.

Because he's not being compensated for the time.

Nobody... Everybody that is here is on the clock.

The kid you just talked to is not the manager.

He said, see, now you're lying to me.

You said he's the manager.

Do you want me to write your number down and have someone call you who can help you?

I'm not sure exactly what's wrong, though.

Are you going to wake up the manager at home?

No, the manager just clocked off and got off work, sir.

Where is he at right now?

Get on the phone and call Gordon right now.

Why?

Because, I don't know, somebody's going to do something.

I don't understand why you're arguing with me.

You just called.

And it's true.

Why is she arguing?

Just hang up the stupid phone, all right?

It's a big fucking deal.

That's all you got to do.

The best thing about this show sometimes is when they just sit there.

They just take it.

They don't realize all they have to do is hang up the phone.

They want to get off, get away from it.

Jeez, let's get out with the phone.

You want to talk?

Have fun.

A lot of examples of that here.

Anyway, that was Jack Orders Pizza from 2007.

Good prank call.

All right, we're going to do some more live ones here.

Let's see what else we got to do.

two three four all right lonesome loser more numbers now including one from the uk

i've picked out one of those named terrence cox lancashire england one with the lancashire

anchors that's right that's what i make them mr new new yeah yeah yes we are alive

i have changed a little bit of change things a little bit where i play a lot of the older

the cost of this call is two cents per minute we'll check that price i play a lot of the older

prank calls sometimes in the middle of the show just to it's just fun to listen to some of the

older stuff as long as they're good keeps things moving along and doesn't put too much pressure

and, you know, if we could get some stale pranks.

We got a pretty big library, I think.

We can do that.

We can afford to do that.

Who is this?

Excuse me?

Why are you talking to me like that?

You don't need to talk to me like that.

Excuse me?

This is Valente with BT.

Who am I speaking with?

I need to speak with Mr. Cox.

Terrence, please.

This isn't woman business.

Hey, this isn't woman business.

Put the man on the phone, please.

Are you taking the...

Listen, there's a gentleman who's over there calling from this number

who's making very profane comments on the phone to children

and to a women's center, a women's clinic.

And we've traced it to this number, and it's a gentleman.

And we know it's Terrence Cox's number.

So who's the one taking the piss?

Who's the one taking the piss then, madam?

Point.

I'm never.

Am I taking a piss?

What is that?

You're a bit saucy now, are you, mate?

I'm taking a piss.

She's trying to say that I'm drunk, right?

Put the man on the phone, please.

You're taking the piss.

You're taking the piss on me.

She said, am I taking the piss?

I mean, that's like fucking...

that's the super drunk

are you taking the piss

I'm going to update that on Twitter

accused of

are you taking the piss out of me

are you fucking with me

taking the piss

in the UK

prank

calling live

at

if you're listening right now

if you have a friend out there

someone online

someone you can email

someone you can tell

don't listen to us tonight

manhouselive.com

We're going to be doing some prank calls here tonight.

It's live and, yeah, whatever.

Just share the wealth.

Why don't you?

She's basically asking you, are you fucking with her?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, when you take the piss out of somebody in the U.K.,

when you say it, that means you're, like, yanking their crank, right?

Yanking their chain, yanking their crank, taking their piss.

Like, you just, you know.

Right.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

All right, yeah.

I follow.

Okay, okay.

All right, let's call Leslie Cox here.

She's in England also.

so.

La la la la la la,

that's it.

An old man answer.

You know they're old.

Why do we ever get

as old people in the UK

anyway?

What's the deal?

Do a quick hitman call.

Yes, hello, Leslie.

Leslie.

Yeah?

This is Miss Cox.

Listen, are you taking

the piss?

Eh?

Okay.

This is Valente.

Are you taking the piss

on me?

That's a good point.

What time is it

over there anyway?

12, 1, 2, 3.

3 a.m., 3, 11 in the

morning.

Wow.

So when we start the

show, I think it's

going to be two weeks

from now, we're going

to start the show.

It's going to move from Thursday nights over to Tuesday nights at 8 p.m.

And I understand, Tuck, you were talking to Maven.

I asked you to give a shout-out to Maven.

I was busy at work on Monday.

We had an outage at my place of business, so I couldn't get to her.

But Maven, and she's here now.

She's listening.

That's why I'm bringing it up.

This is the most direct way for me to communicate sometimes.

Maven is interested in helping us record some promos.

We need some voiceovers with the new time, the new time slot, Tuesday nights at 8 p.m.

Are we still under consensus?

consensus milkman tuck you guys are okay with that that works out good for you time wise right

so that'll be midnight in the uk that's good because we can start promoting ourselves a

little more at midnight i think in the uk uh i don't know what time that is in australia

uh what time will that be what time will that be in guam milkman can you find out for us

We can prank Guam.

It'll probably be morning over there, right?

It'll be like 10 in the morning or something.

Guam is almost Australia time.

Yeah.

They're about like one hour off of Australia.

Yeah.

Lifelike's listening.

What time is it in Australia right now, Lifelike?

They know it's like in the middle of the afternoon.

That's right.

Lifelike is in Australia.

Over there.

Yeah.

Yeah, Lifelike is in Australia right now.

It's near Brisbane.

Well, there's like four time zones in Australia, though, right?

It's like the states in the U.S.

He's on the East Coast, right?

okay i mean the west coast sorry sorry the west coast because the east coast is where sydney's

at right as far as i understand yeah he yeah he's right over there he's on the east coast

brisbane area so that's like right about central east coast okay all right so we got to look into

that i got to do some new promos before so i'm thinking in two weeks we're going to start that

12 hours in advance of us they're like 13 i think so it's 11 in the afternoon about let's say okay

Okay, in the morning, in the morning over there, tomorrow.

All right, it's Friday there right now.

Okay, listen, so seriously, though, we're going to be looking into starting that in about a week or two.

All right, guys?

It says 3.14 on his clock now.

It won't be next week.

We'll still do a Thursday night show next week, more than likely.

I might do both.

Maybe I'll do the Tuesday and the Thursday next week as a test, and then, excuse me, we'll move over.

We'll drop the Thursday night show.

Next week will be the last Thursday night show, let's say, and we'll go full-time Tuesday nights at 8 o'clock.

starting the week after that deal deal all right so you won't miss anything if you're here next

week but you will you'll miss the the test show it'll be a normal show this fuck it was a normal

show tuesday at eight o'clock all right tuesday 8 p.m it starts this next week yeah and we'll do

the last uh last thursday night show for a little while at least we'll see what sticks if we want to

go back to thursday after the circus monkeys that will have a show that you won't have a thursday

show it'll be until it'll definitely be until uh the summer so you will be missing a couple

little thing yeah yeah you will but i can't do a thursday night show at all anymore so well until

the summer at least and then we have the option to move them back we'll call it as we see it but

write it down apuntalo as it would say in puerto rico mary cox is in england also let's wake up

the uk over there something we do a lot a lot of people like it uh cory fitman call in cory fitman

what was cory fitman oh the guy that goes nuts hey we gotta call those casinos yeah let's call

I called a lot of casinos last week.

Wasn't there some old lady?

Two cents per minute.

What was her name?

What was the old lady at the casino that I started talking?

It was like an old woman's name.

Like only old women have this name.

Was it Barbara?

No.

Dolores.

Hello?

Listen.

Am I speaking with Mary?

Yes.

Mary, listen.

Why are you so rude to Dolores?

Huh?

Sorry, who is this?

You're very rude to Dolores.

This is Valente.

I don't appreciate you being rude to Dolores on the phone and saying bad words.

I'm just going to try to do the stupid content filter thing.

It's not fucking working.

I hate it when the phone does that.

When they hang up, it always goes silent for a minute.

It always does it right as I'm reacting.

I'm going to have to learn how to speak to this at all times.

This mic over here.

I think it's definitely time for Jack Fitman.

All right, let me look, see if I can find those,

see if we can figure out which one it was that we called.

I'm going to mention the casinos that we called last week.

Why did you think it was Sunset?

No, I don't think it was.

It was kind of Greek-ish, though.

Let me see here.

Monday, November 2nd, right?

Yeah, here we go.

Contact.

The Aquarius.

Man, you've got a pretty good memory there, Milkman.

You're pretty close, Milkman.

Wow, that's pretty good.

All right, I guess you're not that old.

Milkman just said it.

I'm about 87 years old.

All right, the Aquarius, they're in Vegas.

They're north of the Strip.

They're on the northern end of the Strip.

They're not all that.

I mean, they're not the Madhouse Radio Casinos by any stretch of the means.

Hey Big R, how you doing?

I need to talk to Dolores

Dolores, um, she's not right now

She's off

Listen, I had a horrible experience

There's this guy, Corey, in security

And he was supposed to call me back

About a wallet and a watch

And a cell phone that was found

And one of the employees kept it

Okay, um, let me direct you to security, sir

Hey, listen now, wait a minute, boy

Hello, fucker

Hey,

Yes?

Hey, is this Corey?

Listen.

I need to speak to Corey.

I have a complaint.

Who is this?

What's your name?

I gave it to you when I am...

Now you're withholding your name.

Is this Corey?

This is not Corey.

All right, well, I need to make a...

Who would you like to speak to?

I need to make a complaint about Corey.

Okay.

He promised me...

Who would you like to speak to?

He promised me a call back.

I don't take complaints.

Write down messages, then.

Do you have paper and pencil there?

Yeah, I do.

I command you to write down a message.

And pass it on to the head of security.

Come up on it.

And a call back.

And a call back here, everybody.

That one did.

He said two names, and he said Corey and security, this is something.

I think he tried to throw me off, the fuck.

Hey, Jed, how you doing, buddy?

I need to make a complaint about the gentleman in security

who refused to take the complaint about the other gentleman in security.

Okay, you have a complaint on a security guy, you said?

Mm-hmm, that's right.

Someone over there broke security rules

rules and kept my lost stuff and i want answers okay one moment i'm a guest at the casino this

guy transfers really fast it's not easy to get him to stay take down this message please what's

that i'm trying to leave a message there for the head of security over a complaint i have on two

employees now okay well i'm the security supervisor all right good and what is your name my name is

steve steve listen i i reported a few days ago that i lost my wallet my watch and my cell phone

in there and i was promised to call back and i get no answers i get no help i don't know if i i

canceled my cards and everything they're withholding everything they're watching the accounts but you

people are refusing to return my items to me and i have reason to suspect that someone likes my

telephone someone likes my new phone that i bought the same day that i lost it and i don't think

that's fair that's not fair to me okay so you're saying that we have your stuff why don't you

people call people back when you promise you're going to call back and follow up well i don't

know this is the first i've heard of it this is ridiculous this isn't fair so when did you lose

this last thursday last thursday well let me look at my lost and found and see kind of uh what what's

the name of the wallet valente i left all this message with cory already cory has all this

information okay well we don't have a cory that works here listen i talked to cory last week

Okay, and am I explaining to you that I don't have a quarry that works in our department?

Okay, so then you people will mind me then.

Who said there were quarries?

Don't make me look at my notes, because I wrote down names and numbers and everything.

I have it all documented.

Don't.

Look at your notes and see who you talk to, because like I said, I don't have an officer by the name of...

Officer My Ass.

That's a pretty good name.

So you know what I'm talking about.

You know what I mean when I say Officer My Ass.

I'm not saying that the name is my ass.

Do you really think that the name is my ass?

I really don't know.

Is that where you come from?

Are people named my ass and my cock?

So what's your first name?

Was your mom named My Tits?

Small Tits?

What's the fucking deal?

Is that funny to you?

I'm making a cursing comment.

You're like, my ass, the doctor, my ass.

Huh?

Would you like to tell me the first name now on your wall?

Valente.

My name is Valente.

As I told Corey all this information, Valente.

I'm in the business of giving out my personal information.

Did you look?

Did you find my cell phone then?

I don't have anything in here.

Where's my cell phone?

Where's my USB thumb drive?

I don't have anything.

Where's my cologne?

I don't know.

Where did you lose it?

In the casino.

Why would I be asking you?

Where do you work, sir?

Well, we don't have...

Let me write this down.

Listen.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Just to make sure that I got the right information.

I want to write this down because I'm writing all of you up.

And I'm going to speak to my attorney.

So where am I calling?

calling he hung up i called him ma'am poor steve i called him ma'am

it wasn't that funny average average prank call average definitely in the last week

and now we're moving on i'm not gonna call the them anymore cory's much more fun but we did

fuck that we did call talk to a cory i know for a fact it was cory he said

well they fired him and he kept answering the radio he had the radio on a real loud

that's the biggest asshole casino in the fucking world you know who i want to call

you remember we we called the the planet hollywood casino a few times in the al in the poker room you

remember that broker room did that oh yeah the guy wearing the black suit no no no i call him

and he's like oh my god i told him i lost my wallet he's like my god let me let me get you

to a man in a suit yeah the man the black suit yeah the guy in the suit the italian guy started

accusing him of being italian and he took offense to it i called him a few times a few times and one

time uh hollywood vanya called in and talked to the guy and asked for al you know but you know

the black guy al and he said he had a heart he had a diabetic problem was in the hospital

maybe he was in a coma maybe we should call and ask for al right let's find out fuck that

poker room to al i think it was right yeah i think his name is al let me see

they said cory delores jet and kelly what there's a what that's who we talked to

delores jet and we talked to jet again today right we just talked to him now so it was a

cory i'm not i'm not making stuff up this wasn't cory i don't understand i'm trying to find this

call from uh last year let's see if we can find it here poker room put the phone down

put the phone john provost do i creep you out yeah ad placement ad placement after all flowers

i have no idea i don't see here pull your license it might take me a while to find it

i don't see it i would presume it's on it's on the list of top pranks in the forums

pretty sure that's where i would have put it i'm not seeing it though i was hoping to be able to

to go through the lost and found there and you know claim a few items but that's always fun to

do we did that at kinko's once that was pretty good no i don't see any poker room here i know

i've heard it before i've heard a few times anyway uh we're doing the next call we're calling uh jr

humpherson yeah i can't find yeah i don't know i know i've heard it on the rotation i've been here

before and i've heard it in the background start playing we got it here somewhere just i don't

know what i titled it unfortunately yeah you always come up these crazy titles hollywood's

good if hollywood isn't around though i don't see him tonight so he if he were around uh and he know

in a second he'd be on top of it he'd be on things i'll keep looking here throughout the night maybe

i'll find it maybe i won't if i do it'll be fun to listen to i guess uh if not then we can just

call him again um he was called hollywood i don't know it it was a casino it had changed names it

used to be the hollywood casino it was called something else it's one of the big ones there

it's quite funny because i have quite the dysfunctional staff there hollywood vanya

Yeah, toilet, no, no, nothing like that.

No, it's none of these, none of these.

Nope.

Anyway, all right, well, fuck it.

Jared Humpherson has promised.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Shave me.

Eat my shit.

Oh, shave me.

That was Corey that we talked to.

What a bunch of liars, those people.

Listen to me, you little shit.

Hello.

Listen to me, you little shit.

I'm putting...

What's wrong with this?

I don't know.

I don't know why I even did that.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

Give me a second.

I have a computer crashing here in the background.

Kokanee is missing in action.

He's at work.

Stuck at work.

Just got a message here from Kokanee, everybody.

Stuck at work.

At work will not be done in time to catch any of the show from Kokanee.

Look at me.

I got to work.

You hear about Sammy Sosa?

He's white now.

Sammy Sosa doing some weird, freaky face stuff.

Now he's a white guy, apparently.

According to information coming from the New York Daily News.

I saw the pictures.

Yeah, check it out, folks.

He's white.

That's audio Sammy Sosa explaining why he's white now.

Yep.

That's what he said.

He looks like he's...

Hey, that's incredible, finally.

Sammy Sosa does look like a mongoloid.

I'm sorry, but he does look like kind of, you know, crazy fucker, crazy fucker.

You want to call crazy fucker?

Let's give him crazy fucker a call.

We can't talk to him for long.

Hey, Carlito.

What do you say there?

How you doing there?

Trying to live to be an old man?

Yes, sir.

You listen to the show or you watch TV?

What's going on?

Oh, hey, right, yeah, are you on live right now?

Yeah, of course, it's Thursday night.

Where else would I be?

Okay, it's like, uh...

What are you watching over there?

What do you like to watch?

We watch Jay Leno.

I'm watching the guy that replaced you, man.

Oh, yeah?

We got a live show going.

Let's do a prank call together, okay?

Yeah, I know, shit, yeah, that's the whole idea.

But listen, stupid, why did you call me yesterday at 4 o'clock in the morning?

Yesterday?

No, yeah, you called me at 11-11 at 4-15.

4-11, were you drunk off your ass two nights ago or something?

Dude, I called you a couple nights ago and got your answering machine.

Yeah, you're fucking joking.

No, no, no.

Well, we were fucking drinking.

Actually, no, last time I called you, dude, was last week, was last fucking week, right?

You called two days ago.

You had your call-in number up there, and when I'd call, it was your voicemail, but

yet it says, call live, Carlito's Madhouse, right?

I fixed that all.

It's all different now.

It's all fixed.

It's all accurate now.

Okay.

Okay, am I welcome back in your fucking, uh, am I welcome back in the, uh, in your fucking house?

You could be.

Explain why you left, like, how drunk were you?

What were you drinking exactly two nights ago that you called them up, these drunk dials?

You were drunk dialing two nights ago.

Do you remember?

Well, right now, I'm fucking, I'm drunk right now, dude, but I'm, you know, I'm legally drunk right now.

I could go out and drive a car.

Do me a favor.

Go to the Madhouse site, and I want you to turn up the audio.

I'm going to play something for you to listen to,

and I want you to explain just how drunk you were at this moment.

No, wait a sec, man.

Wait a fucking sec, man.

What?

Okay, wait.

Okay, now, wait, wait.

Now, listen.

You're a fucking jerk after this now, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I'm drinking?

You got a problem, don't you?

A problem?

You have a problem?

Just tell me.

If you have a problem, it's cool.

We can talk about it.

Dude, what do you mean a problem?

Is alcohol a problem?

Yeah, it definitely is.

You're putting toxins in your body, man.

You talk about luck, peace, and all this.

You're putting these dirty white, the white man's toxins.

The white man puts that in you, man.

That's what the white man, the fucking assholes, they want.

Well, then call me an ambassador.

Call me an ambassador of ice.

They're dumbing you down.

Crazy fuckers are dumbing you down.

I like to, like, mediate in the spirit world there between, you know, smoking pot, drinking alcohol.

Dude, they're dumbing you down.

The same people you always talk about and you're sitting here, you got your, like, your mouth on the baby bottle, like, drinking that alcohol, drinking that beer, getting drunk every night.

They keep dumbing you down.

That's worse than the damn fluoride in the water you talk about, man.

Okay.

You're a hypocrite, dude.

You're a fucking hypocrite.

Is that what they teach you?

Is that what they teach you, Carlito, in that school you go to?

But listen, you're putting alcohol.

Carlito, is that what they teach you in that school you go to?

No, it's common sense.

You're putting alcohol as a fucking toxin in you to make you drunk because you have a problem.

You can't deal with reality, so you put this shit in you that's bad for your body, burns you up inside, rots you in from the inside out.

You're putting alcohol, like flammable shit, in your body to make your body work overtime.

Dude, that's total fucking bullshit, man.

So it's safe for you to be an alcoholic and get drunk on a nightly basis?

Fuck yeah, dude.

In the moment, yeah.

It's like, you know, check it out, man.

Hey, Carlito.

How often do you drink?

Dude, listen, listen.

If I was driving a semi-truck down the fucking road and I was drinking alcohol, that would be a fucking problem, right?

Well, no.

That would be a fucking problem.

No, that would be you putting...

If I sit in my fucking house...

That would be you putting other people at risk of getting killed.

That's your responsibility.

Right, right.

But you've got a problem.

Why are you drinking?

Why do you have to, why are you not calling?

Because I'm not driving a fucking...

You're covering the fucking thing.

Huh?

You're covering the phone.

No, I'm not.

I just went to my refrigerator to get out my bottle of Jagermeister.

You ever heard of Jagermeister?

I'm going to ask you 20 questions, okay?

You ready?

Listen.

Yeah.

Listen.

Listen, have you ever lost time for work because of drinking?

No.

No, okay.

Next question.

Is drinking making your home life unhappy?

No.

All right.

Next question.

Do you drink because you're shy with other people?

No.

All right.

Is drinking affecting your reputation?

No.

Be honest.

Is drinking...

No.

No?

Okay.

No, as far as you and me are concerned, you might...

Everybody.

Be as honest as you can.

Again, have you ever felt remorse after drinking?

Have you ever felt bad after you got drunk?

No.

Well, yeah, yeah, I have, yeah.

Okay, all right, all right.

That's cool.

Let's be honest.

Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?

No.

No, all right.

Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking?

I'd say that's a yes.

Definitely no.

You don't turn to inferior environments?

Okay.

Does your drinking make you care less of your family's welfare?

You don't have a family.

Well, I have a family, but, fuck, I don't, you know, I got a family of six billion entities from the same species as myself called human beings on this fucking planet.

Yeah, I've got a family, and so do you, brother.

All right.

You've got a family of six billion people, man.

Why should you be killing them in fucking wars for the real evil people, man?

man, the fucking warmongers and shit, man, the corporate profiteers.

Has your ambition decreased since, like, when you drink?

Does your ambition get decreased?

No, it doesn't.

It actually increases.

And increases are so opposite.

Yeah, I become inspired.

Here we go.

Do you crave a drink?

Do you, like, want to drink at night?

Like, when it's nighttime, is it time to drink for you or in the morning?

Do you crave a drink at any time during the day?

Like, it's drinking time.

Well, I love, hey, I'll take a drink 24-7 in circumstances and situations.

Do you always want to drink like that?

You know, if I'm driving a fucking 40-foot truck down the road, I'm stone cold sober.

Do you drink in the morning?

Well, I've been known to have a beer for breakfast.

All right.

Nothing wrong with that.

We all have.

Do you have, like, trouble sleeping because of drinking any time?

Have you done the truck?

Well, actually, no.

No, actually, alcohol is a great sedative.

It's a great sedative.

It actually helps me sleep.

Do you like, is your efficiency decreased?

Well, yeah, obviously, right?

You're not as efficient as you were before, like whenever you drink and stuff.

It depends what you're talking about efficiency.

It's like if you're talking about efficiency as far as like going over to the Middle East

and killing innocent fucking people, I guess when I drink alcohol, it tells me,

Hell no, don't get involved in that shit, man.

Don't do that.

Or like Hitler's Germany or some shit, because that's what Americans are right now.

They're the new fucking Nazis on the planet.

You don't have a job, do you?

Except the irony is that they're being used by the fucking Jews.

You don't have a job, do you?

Which Jews are sucking off this country?

Speaking about the Jews, you don't have a job.

You notice that?

Hey, Carlito, wait a second.

I'm answering your question.

Do you notice today, did you ever, did you listen to any kind of news today on the radio or TV?

No.

You didn't?

Well, what they're talking about is that,

should they increase the troops in Afghanistan?

Holy shit, man.

Well, you got to go in.

You got to go in.

You got to fight to get out.

We got this point.

We got to escalate to get out.

Nixon had to do it.

No, the fuck, dude.

Dude, if I was the president of the United States, I'd say, fucking, it's a new day.

Bring the fucking cannon fodder retards home.

Do you drink to escape, like, from trouble, worries, and shit like that?

No, I don't, man.

I don't.

I don't not drink to do that.

What do you drink for, then?

Do you drink alone?

You drink alone.

You're drinking alone right now, aren't you?

How do you know that?

You don't know that.

You don't know that, dude.

Put your girlfriend on the line, then.

Or your boyfriend.

friend put your put your put uh athena on the line she's sleeping she has to work and she doesn't

drink well how do you know my lady ain't sleeping there dude you don't have a lady what's her name

a lot for granted aren't you what's her name is that what they teach you and that's who you go to

what's your girlfriend they teach you is that what they give you grants for to pay you to do

do you have any memory loss anything like you know problem remember remembering stuff because

because of drinking like yeah i guess you don't even remember you called me last night so yes

no i didn't call you last night two nights ago i called you a week ago dude i think you you might

need to take a drink has your physician ever treated you for i think you might need to take

a drink if you'll check the phone logs i called you a week ago when you had a show on and you

had a fucking phone number up there that says call in live and i called it up and all i got

That was your fucking answering service.

What an asshole, right?

What a fucking asshole.

Yeah, what an asshole.

And I told you that.

And you know what I did?

I accused you of being a fucking false advertiser.

I'm sorry, dude.

You got chill, wasn't I?

Yeah, you are.

You ought to take a look at your fucking life, man, and maybe you'll start drinking more

and smoking some fucking good pot or something or something.

Maybe.

Do you ever drink so you can be more confident?

Does it make you more confident?

No, actually, I drink.

I drink to cut down on my confidence.

Have you ever been in, like, rehab or, like, a hospital because of your drinking or anything like that?

Never have.

Never.

Okay.

Never.

You've never considered it?

No, I've never even considered it, dude.

All right, here we go.

Here are your results.

They're coming up now.

It's giving me an advertisement first, apparently.

All right.

You answered eight items out of 20 yes.

Your score is 40%.

According to the Office of Healthcare Programs, Crazy Fucker, the Johns Hopkins University Hospital, developers of this quiz, if you answered as few as three of the questions with a yes, it's a definite sign that your drinking patterns are harmful and considered alcohol-dependent or alcoholic, Crazy Fucker.

You are definitely an alcoholic, according to the university.

Since you answered more than three questions, you should seek an evaluation by a healthcare professional, Crazy Fucker.

It says right here in the paper.

You said at John Hopkins University, that's where that test comes from?

Yeah, from the Office of Healthcare Programs at John Hopkins, yes, sir.

Okay, now in response to that, let me just say I'd rather drink alcohol than eat Prozac like they do

and Haldol and all those psychotropic drugs.

I'd rather totally do what I do than what they're doing, the John Hopkins University.

university check out the grants they get how much fucking money they get do you ever hear

the john hockman's university i've never standing up and saying get the fuck out of the middle east

stupid american bastards do you ever hear them say that no they're fucking they're the jews

pharmaceutical nazi german motherfucker communist russia all the evil people in the world man the

The corporations, man.

The fucking corporations.

The corporations, man.

They make trillions of dollars off of psychotropic drugs.

All right, crazy fucker.

I got to go, man.

Let's get talking.

What's your response to that?

I have no response.

My response is...

Okay.

I got a response.

Listen, listen, listen, asshole.

I got a response and I'm hanging up.

You ready?

Yeah, go.

Hey, go suck my cock, dude.

You'll be sucking my cock, dude, down the road, you motherfucker.

Listen, here's my response.

You're goddamn right, dude.

You're goddamn right.

The Bush-Obama global terrorist crime cartel

and all their little puppets,

they go to their little slots

to figure out how to oppress the rest of the people on the earth.

I'm a crazy fucking alcoholic, asshole.

I'm a crazy asshole alcoholic.

Go look at your...

Go look at your fucking cock, you faggot.

You're a sick, sick alcoholic.

You're going to die, old man.

You'll die before me, and I'm fucking diabetic.

Diabetic.

I bet you he does.

I bet you one day he's going to call us and let us know he died.

He's going to call us from the fucking grave.

He's from California.

He sounds like he's from Georgia.

He sounds like a retarded penguin.

We're not too far from here, actually.

We're pretty close to Incredible.

You should go suck his milk, man.

Why do you care so much?

You got to...

Yeah.

Why don't you?

That's two gay points for you tonight, Milkman.

Tuck only has one.

Milkman has two.

Tuck my titties.

There you go.

Three.

You know, there's a charm.

You are officially...

I am bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

The KDK Award.

There you go, Milkman.

It's reverted.

Okay, well, no, actually, gay people love titties, apparently, so no.

Sorry.

All right, everybody.

That was Crazy Fucker.

Good catching up with him.

Hey, it's better than having anal cancer.

answer okay the stratosphere hotel it's connected with the aquarius oh that's true we were talking

to the stratosphere we should be able to get to cory this way uh lonesome loser says good point

they had that fucker smart that lonesome fuck hey wait a minute it was a football game tonight i

forgot about it who won the what happened are they still playing it should have just wrapped up i

think i wasn't what the bears are playing tonight weren't they someone find out give me the fucking

score let me go to espn.com and find out i thought there was it wasn't there three it was

was the first thursday night game tonight it's a final yeah the bears lost to the uh bears lost to

the 49ers 10 to 6 apparently hi they wrapped up uh it wrapped up about maybe 30 40 minutes ago

apparently if not less than that look at that bears lose 49ers win yay all right folks next

prank call we're gonna do that casino we'll see if we get a hold of cory now here let me know

transfer this is renee how may i direct your call hey big renee what's going on i'm sorry can i

i direct your call this is big renee i'm sorry who are you asking for i was i was calling for

like you know lost and found one moment please lost and found hello hello hello big renee hey

big guy how you doing hey listen man i got a complaint to make i don't know if you heard

about the word going around about the cell phone that got lost a week ago and apparently someone

claimed that it got found and then all of a sudden it disappeared again i don't know anything about

it you didn't know about this like a steve there is there steve that works there there's a steve

yeah that's what i'm talking about that dude man i think he walked off with my with my iphone

the fucking you know cory right you know that cat cory no cory found security man found my

cell phone and he found my cell phone and he was like rooting me on the phone like you want a bag

he said prove it he was like prove it what's on the phone what's on the iphone tell me the apps

tell me the music that he was telling me like to tell the contacts um that he was going to call me

first from the phone he was like playing around with me and everything and i made a complaint to

the steve as steve right is his name is steve right i don't know who you talked to we have a

steve here i don't know if that's who you talked to so then steve said he was he promised to call

me back and he never called me back your bet would be to call him who's the boss i have a

contact for him at this time who's the boss uh the boss man there you'd want to talk to chris

Hoover?

Yeah.

And he does security at the Stratosphere, right?

Yes.

And he is here from 8 a.m. until 4 p.m.

You know who Big Dolores is?

Do you ever interact with the people in the phone machines?

The answer to the phone machines?

No.

Then why not?

Like, you don't come in to work at all?

I mean, you don't talk to them?

You don't know who Big Dolores is?

Because she says that she knew about you.

She transferred me to you, right?

Yes.

Well, where did that come from?

Well, I'm just trying to get some more information here because I'm going to start writing people up.

I want my iPhone.

phone. My iPhone was found, and

it got lost again, and I don't understand how

did it, you know, how does people...

Do you want to talk to one of our swing shift supervisors

about this? What do they do? What's a

swing shift? It's from 4 to midnight.

What's your... Can you look

to see, I mean, what about my USB drive? Is that

there? Hold on one second. I'm not... This isn't

Lawson. This is Dispatch. Hold on. Wait a minute.

You're not even security? God damn it.

God damn it. God damn it.

Hello? Hello, who's this?

Hi, this is Al. Security. Can I

help you? Listen, buddy. Um, this

Is this lost and found?

Yes, it is.

Why was I talking to some other guy, and he said he's security, and he said he's not security?

What's this?

Okay, sir, can you speak just a little louder? It's hard to hear you.

Are you joking around with me, sir?

No, I just really couldn't hear you.

Please, don't make fun. Listen.

I'm not making fun. It's just loud where I am, and it's hard to hear you.

Where's the stupid lost and found at? Why do I talk, because I didn't talk for the casino.

You're in the casino with the machines. I hear them already.

Sir, this is lost and found podium. This is where everything comes.

All right, so...

On the casino floor, it comes to us.

Where's my phone at then? Damn it.

Okay, tell me about your phone. When did you lose it?

It's a black phone. I lost it several days ago, about a week ago.

Someone took it, reported it, and I said, hey.

I called, and then the guy called me back and said, yeah, we got your phone.

And then later on, I called back to come get it, and they said it was gone, disappeared after it was reported back.

and the guy was asking me questions about who's on the phone

and what's the applications on the phone and what color is on the phone

and who's the contacts.

Give me the contacts on the phone.

It was like there was some interrogation or something.

Okay, so I have a couple of questions.

I'm going to try to figure out where the phone is.

Here we go with the interrogation.

And find out how it was put or where it was put.

You put it on your ear to talk on it.

Okay, how long ago did you lose it?

Last Thursday.

Okay, and then they called you.

I told you they found it from the phone from the fucking phone shit. I'm sorry sir from the phone

I'm sorry. I'm cursing it helps to you know, sometimes let it out like that, you know

Yeah, but I'm gonna try to help you. I'm gonna try to get to the bottom of the problem

Oh, no, I want to curse that, you know, I'm sorry. No, I'm just mad but it's not you

I'm yelling at other people like for cuz like the other people there

I'm not pissed off for you, but everyone else fuck those other people

But I'm gonna try to come to the bottom of it and try to figure out where the phone is good

Good. Yeah. All right. Thanks.

I want to figure out who you were dealing with and try to find it for you.

So if you could speak up just a little bit.

You're dealing with Valente. My name is Valente.

Okay.

All right. So what about those phones over there? Let me know what's going on.

Let's get my phone back in my hand.

When did you have it last?

Thursday, sir. Last week.

Okay.

Last Thursday.

What kind of phone was it?

It's a black phone.

Okay. Who made the phone?

T-Mobile.

T-Mobile black phone.

Well, it doesn't say T-Mobile. It's a T-Mobile phone.

Yeah, but it's a black phone.

The color is black.

Yeah.

Is that it?

Hold on one second.

I think that's it.

Sir, hold on one second.

I think that's it.

Did you find it?

He's got that rig anywhere.

Oh, man.

Man, he's giving you the wazoo.

It's all good.

We can just jump for a little bit.

Hey, folks.

Madhouse Radio calling about my lost phone machine.

Incredible sending in a request.

Our request?

A request to prank service is back up for the first time.

I just put it back up last night.

You'll be the first one to use it here in a while.

Let's take a look at that.

Hope you guys are, if you're at the main, the madhouselife.com webpage,

let me know what it looks like.

Let me know if you like it, if it's not lining up right,

if something's not showing up, if you see a problem where you click on a link

and it doesn't work or you can't play something somewhere that you're trying.

Let me know so I can fix it.

I want it to work as good as possible.

There's the parent call request here.

Hi, sir.

Yes.

Hi, sir.

Hello.

Was it necessary?

Hello, sir.

Hi.

Okay, I went looking through the phones that we have up here.

Uh-huh.

None of them appear to be that phone.

You don't have any black phones there?

No.

You said you dealt with somebody at an earlier date?

Uh-huh.

Was it on day shift?

I think this person, he called me from my own phone and said,

Hey, this is Corey from security.

And I'm like, Hey.

What's your guy's name?

Corey.

Uh-huh.

Can I make a suggestion for you?

Would you want to call back and speak to Corey tomorrow when he's in?

I called him.

Would that make your life a little easier?

I talked to him, you know, listen, I called honestly, I spoke to this casino people, they refused to talk to me, this guy Corey answered the phone, and then he said, no, I'm not Corey, after I have, I wrote it down, when the first thing that happened when I talked to him, hey, who is this, Corey, what do you need, I need my phone, I need my phone, bitch.

oh my god that guy's trying to get up let's get an ipod lost over there now

jesus i'll tell him i stole the ipod when he comes back you're holding up for ransom yeah

that's my ipod they tell him i found his ipod i was just there and i found it would you want

to call back tomorrow listen make your life a little easier no because you know honestly i

I talked to the guy.

He works at night there.

And, you know, I'm getting there, and I think, you know, the guy called me straight up from my phone.

And then he was, like, asking, like, prove to me this is your phone.

And I told him contacts.

It was like, you know, like some kind of interrogation.

And then you're doing the same thing with all these questions to me now.

Like, what is this?

The reason I'm asking the question is that I'm trying to find out where the phone was to start with, what it looks like.

Because there are a lot of phones we get turned in every day.

Well, listen, I tried to come in earlier, and there was, you know, I couldn't find the stupid delay.

It's like, it's over there, you know, that part over there.

That's where the thing is.

And I went by the front and everything where the machines are.

You know the machine that makes the noises?

You know the one machine?

I know where the machine's up.

I don't know what you're referring to.

Yeah, the machine that makes the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

You know that one?

No.

She said, it's over there by there.

And I went, and there's no podium, no nothing.

I think, and I found something, and I even wanted to return it.

Look how you people are.

I tried three different places with you people, three different people, a woman, Dolores, Corey.

The reason I'm asking the questions is because I want to try to get to the bottom of it to find out where the phone is.

Well, what do I do with this iPod?

Excuse me?

What do I do with this iPod?

I don't know what you mean.

They gave me the iPod at the desk when I was over there.

They gave me the iPod.

It's not mine.

They gave you an iPod that wasn't yours.

Yeah, I told them I lost my black iPhone, and they gave me this stupid iPod.

It's not the right thing.

My kid's going to fucking...

Is there a way that you can come in to the casino podium so we can see you face-to-face?

Why?

So we can try to get to the bottom of this?

This was just like ten minutes ago I was there.

I was there like ten minutes ago, and they gave me this iPod.

It's not my iPod.

I want my iPhone.

Can you bring the iPod back, and we'll try to get to the bottom of it?

No, I want answers first before I give that back.

I'm not bringing that iPod back until I get some answers.

I want to know for a fact that you have my iPhone before I come back with this iPod.

No way.

I'm trying to get a supervisor because I don't know how to help you,

and I'm trying to figure out which way to go with this.

No way, man.

Or where it would be located, and I don't even know how to help you.

So let me get a supervisor.

Does someone report a lost iPod?

I'm sorry?

Does someone report that they lost an iPod?

Not that I can recall, because I got here at 8 o'clock.

Well, I'm keeping this iPod.

Well, let me get a supervisor for you.

See if he can make heads or tails out of what's going on.

Maybe he knows something I don't.

Whatever.

All types of confused.

Look at that Incredibles request here.

Let's go to that while we're waiting.

Request a prank submission.

You can send those yourself over at madhouselive.com.

Click on the Request a Prank button.

It's on the front page and on the chat page.

Request a prank from Incredible.

Sir, are you staying here in a hotel with us?

Not anymore.

Forget that.

I'm leaving right now.

I'm never stepping foot in your casino again.

Yeah, but I'm still trying to help you.

I'm still trying to figure out where and how.

Forget it.

forget you p i'm keeping this ipod that you people gave me and i'm gonna sue you for my iphone someone

over there has my iphone ready for my old i'm gonna sue them for the iphone we're getting worried

now this guy works for apple conspiracy theorist doesn't believe the moon landing was real just

act like cia agent mike diaz badge number p whatever excuse me i can also say i've seen his

blogs about us faking the moon landing his girl recently left him so tell him we advised your

girlfriend who worked for us it was time to leave with information she gathered yeah the most

important part is the little hands part little hands the sweatshop's what he's big on also

important he has a thing about chinese made products and sweatshops and little hand little

hands he has little hands tell him we'll keep the chinese working like dogs until they die he will

flip tell him you i'm sal from sal sweatshop that's right man sal sweatshop awesome the chinese

it wasn't sal if you refer to the prank call it wasn't sal who was it oh it wasn't sal it was

something else i'm trying to remember what it was you have any you remember what that was you guys

harry harry's sweatshop that's what it was harry's sweatshop harry's moves up that's awesome that's

the one that the kid his son was surfing the web for prank calls and heard his dad getting prank

called by me oh yeah that one yeah and he emailed me when he found it and it was all like it was

like i don't appreciate you calling my dad and then the next day his mom called and she she said

it was awesome that the whole family was laughing at it she thanked me because they were having

trouble like personal trouble in the family or something like that and it was it helped them

all laugh together yeah it was really she said is she like jack valente she was telling his older

lady really nice lady oh it was so much fun she found out her young son was a flaming homo yeah

Yeah, he's a good kid.

I talked to him after that.

He was just being a teenager, man.

You know how you were.

Like, man, don't talk about my dad, motherfucker.

You know, that kind of thing.

He's a Cubs fan.

I know he's a Cubs fan, as a matter of fact.

I've talked Cubby's stuff, too.

Oh, Cub Scout.

Okay.

Cub Scout.

He's a Cubs fan, jerk.

Jeez.

We make fun of people all the time, milkman.

Anyway, we got other numbers we can call when we get off of this number here.

When we get off of this call, if we do, I'm sure they just call back.

We'll just have to get transferred again.

It'll be a waste of time.

We'll get a supervisor here eventually.

Overly.

Theater of the Stars.

AdHouse5.com

Hey, how you doing?

Is this Harry?

No, it's not, sir.

Who am I speaking with?

My name is Keith.

Are you in charge of hiring?

I actually own the store, sir.

You own the store.

So there's no Harry involved then?

No, sir.

Well, that's good.

I don't like Harry that much anyway.

But regardless, I got a truck full of Chinese people here looking for some job.

And I see you guys are a sweatshop.

I thought maybe you guys would be interested.

No, don't use them, sir.

You don't like Chinese people?

What's the matter with you?

What, you stick with Mexicans or something?

No.

That's kind of racist, don't you think?

It's a family business.

So you have your family working in a sweatshop?

Yes, sir.

What kind of sick person are you?

You make your family sweat labor?

What a bastard, that guy.

He's got a sweatshop and he makes his...

I'm going to try to call him back.

Harry, sweatshop, can I help you?

Hey, how you doing, Harry?

Harry, why'd you hang up on me?

First of all, my name's not Harry, sir.

and what can I do to help you?

Look, I need to find out, number one, Keith, Jim, Bob, whatever your name is,

what type of man in America would dare run a sweatshop right under our noses here?

First of all, it's not a sweatshop.

That's just the name of the store.

So it's a sweatshop.

Where do you work?

What did you say when you picked up the phone right now?

That's the name of the store, sir.

It's a retail store.

So do you provide clothes for, like, Walmart or Kmart or something really cheap?

No, I provide clothes for individuals that come in and buy them for me.

Under slave labor.

No, I don't have any slave labor.

Then why are you calling a sweatshop?

I don't have time for your bullshit.

Call somebody else.

Listen, you little cock.

Let's see if they're back yet.

No, still not, apparently.

All right, Ryan has terminated the call.

Ryan, terminate the call, please.

We gave it enough time for that Harry's sweatshop prank call that we were mentioning to play out.

Maybe we'll call there again later, see if we can get through to the manager a little quicker with a second call.

In the meantime, we'll do that request here from that crazy guy, Incredible.

This is for the dude that works with him, William, codenamed Robbie Fostex Leston McKenzie.

Apparently he goes crazy, so let's check it out.

He's got a thing for sweatshops, apparently.

I'm busy doing something else right now, so leave a message.

Robbie, give me a call back, please, as quickly as possible.

This is Valente 407-459-4534.

It's an urgent need to speak to you as urgently as possible.

You can call me at any time.

Thank you.

if you are satisfied with your message press one to listen to your message to send your message

with normal delivery press one send your message with urgent delivery press two thank you your

message has been sent bye me me stupid all right see if it calls back bait has been planted sir

be sure to visit our website manhouselive.com subscribe to the podcast uh we'll check out

the podcast i wouldn't subscribe on it just yet join the forum next week till the weekend it'll

It'll be, yeah, join the forums.

Also, yes, that's what I was about to get to.

Thank you, Milkman, for keeping me on track.

Forums are up there.

There are a lot of prank calls up there.

We keep a list of the top ones of the show and also a whole vault that Hollywood has been maintaining for us over the years.

Of course, we also have our general section where we've got just regular conversation there.

A lot of people stop in there.

Not as much as they used to be.

It's a little not as busy as it used to be, but it's starting to pick up a little more.

Things here at Madhouse Radio should be picking up now that the website's back to full force.

Kind of excited about that.

Jonathan's calling in.

That really looks good, Hermano.

Jonathan calling in, but calling into the wrong line.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to take that.

I've got to take a break.

I've got to stretch my legs real quick, and we'll come back and do about another hour of show, I think.

We'll see how it goes, see how strong we stay.

Hopefully, we don't lose a lot of listeners here on the break, but I have to take a break nonetheless.

We can play some prank calls.

Milkman, Tuck, any suggestions?

What could we play?

Play one of our greatest hits, man.

Like our yearly greatest.

Yearly greatest?

That just narrows it down.

Let me see.

Best of Season 4 stuff I might have here, right?

There you go.

Here's one we haven't played in a while.

This is Los Angeles.

I don't think we've played that in quite some time.

Cool.

You still have the telemarketers conference?

The gangbang call?

The gangbang?

The prankmaster gangbang?

You know, cue that up.

We won't play it all the way.

That's a lot.

I'll give you enough time to go shit.

I mean, if that's your life.

There we go.

The prankmaster gangbang.

Sure, you got it.

No problem.

We can do it.

That's an old one right there.

All right.

All right, everybody.

We'll be back in about five, six minutes.

Thank you very much for listening to Madhouse Radio.

No, thank you, thank you, thank you.

We are live.

Hey there.

That's good.

Yeah, is this the clothing place?

The socks place?

No, you got the wrong number.

Who is this?

This is the wrong number.

I know, and this is where's my socks clothing store.

Don't give me that.

Don't give me that, all right?

This is the clothing store.

I left my wallet there.

You're making up so you don't give me my wallet back.

Give me my wallet back now.

Now, I left my frickin' wallet there, and now you people...

What are you talking about?

I left my frickin' wallet there, and you people don't want to give it back.

Who the fuck is this?

This is Valente. You took my wallet. I left it there. You don't want to give it back.

When I get through, I'm going to make a lawsuit on you, buddy.

Okay, hey, hey, hey, you just reached a residential place, so who the fuck are you trying to call?

Bullshit. Two minutes ago, I was talking to you, and you said,

Oh, yeah, come in. Come in and get your wallet.

And he said, bro, bro, send me to the wrong house, man.

This is a fucking house.

You're a fucking, no, no, no, hold on, hold on.

Who the fuck is this, bro?

You fucking little shit.

Don't you fucking talk to me like that, you little.

Hey, where are you?

Where are you?

I'm going to fucking fuck you up, dude.

Where are you?

Fuck you, you fucking shit.

Give me my wallet back, you asshole.

No, no, I don't give a fuck about your wallet, bro.

I'm telling you, you got the fucking wrong number.

Get your shit straight, bro.

You want to meet me somewhere?

Yeah, you want to fight?

You want to have a fight?

gonna be at where are you gonna be at well you tell me where um you know and i'll show up hold

on hold on lock this motherfucker up man i'm telling you where you got you got the wrong

fucking number this is a house who the fuck are you trying to reach you fucking monkey stupid

dirty shit you know what hold on fuck this guy hey i'm gonna be at dude i'm gonna kick your ass

so good i'm gonna laugh i'll shove it up your ass where are you is that your girl that i was

talking to you i'm telling you man this is a fucking house what the fuck are you trying to

reach when i beat you up i'm gonna do your girl in front of you you know what you know what i'm

gonna fuck you up first bitch do you have mother tell me what you want tell me where you are man

i'm gonna meet you over there how many fathers do you have get rid of the phone i want to talk

to your girl you know what go fuck your mother bitch all right i'm gonna kick your ass let's

I'm going to fight.

That's it.

Jesus Christ.

What the fuck is wrong with that guy, man?

He did it.

Good God.

Let's all wrestle.

That'll settle it.

Wow.

You're in trouble now, man.

How about a thumb fight?

That was obviously a misdial.

Let me see.

Listen, buddy.

I think...

Look, look, look, look.

This is Los Angeles.

Where is the 409 area code?

Huh?

Where is your area code?

We'll call our ID.

Where is your area code?

Dude, I'm blocking my phone number.

Don't even go there.

You don't have shit.

Dude, dude, 409-

It's not my phone number.

Either way, dude, this is a fucking house, and wherever your fucking wallet is, we're letting you know you got the fucking wrong number.

Call the cops.

Call the cops, all right?

We got your number.

Call the cops.

Listen, buddy.

This is a fucking house.

I don't know where the fuck you left your wallet, but this is a fucking house, and I don't appreciate this kind of phone call.

I'm going to give you the biggest slap right across the face, and I'm going to knock it right out of your mouth.

You know what?

Try it.

Try it, buddy.

Give me, you know, if you're tracing my number, I dare you to call back.

I dare you.

Not with this.

You know what?

You can do it all you want, but what the fuck do you want, bitch?

You're not harassing us.

Are you Mexican?

You sound Mexican.

You sound like Mexican.

The fuck does that got to do with anything?

Am I trying to fucking make friends with you, bitch?

You sound like Mexican.

Why the fuck are you harassing us?

Why don't you ask your mother how many fathers you have, buddy?

You know what?

No, no, no.

Call the cops.

We have your number.

We're calling the cops while cops are harassing us.

I already called the police for you because you stole my wallet.

I already called the police.

I already did.

You want the docket number?

I want it to be illegal.

Please, please, give them the number and tell them to come here.

We'll give them yours, okay?

Will you write down this tape?

You're a crazy son of a bitch.

They gave me a case.

What do you know?

I have a case number against you already.

Good, good.

Okay.

Good for you.

Get a life, bro.

I hope you get a lawyer.

You get a lawyer.

I suggest when we hang out.

It's a free country.

You get a lawyer.

Do whatever you need to do.

What's your name?

This is Valente.

Valente?

Valente, yes.

Oh, you're asking me if I sound Mexican.

Okay, anyway.

I'm Italian, sir.

I'm Italian.

Get a life, Valente.

I'm Italian.

Get a life.

I'm Italian.

Get a life.

You stupid, disgusting immigrant.

Stole my wallet.

Okay.

Another one.

You're another drop in the bucket.

Valente, get over where you are.

This is...

No problem getting in.

I'm working on that.

If you're capable of flying in the 407 area, get a life, dude, okay?

How did you know that I'm 407 Erica?

Because it shows up on the caller ID, stupid idiot.

I'm blocking my number.

Well, I don't know, but it shows up, bitch, okay?

Oh, my God.

What is that?

Oh, my God.

This is Los Angeles.

Where the fuck is this?

Hold on.

Hello?

Oh, my God.

Please don't tell my mom that I was calling.

Hello?

Please don't tell my mom that I was calling.

Who is this?

This is Valente.

Please don't tell my mom I was calling.

Look, Valente.

Valente.

Valente, we will press charges against you, okay?

I record calls, do you understand?

I don't give you permission to record this call.

I don't give a shit.

You are harassing us.

If anyone has a recorder, then we can.

Valente.

So, Valente, get a hold, dude.

Can you be quiet?

And you owe both of us an apology, bitch, okay?

Fuck you.

I apologize.

Hey, hey.

I apologize to the woman because she sounds sexy.

Fuck you, man.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Valente?

The girl sounds sexy.

Fucking respect.

Fucking respect, okay?

The girl sounds sexy.

Is that your sister or your girlfriend?

Let me know.

Who is it?

Answer my questions, woman.

I command you to answer my questions.

Valente?

Yes?

It's Los Angeles, man.

You don't know the fuck.

What?

Los Angeles.

Who gives a shit?

Oh, this is Los Angeles.

Where is it there?

Los Angeles, I don't give a fuck.

I shit on Los Angeles.

This is my town.

I run this town.

Find your fucking wallet.

I know where you live.

All right?

Where do I live?

All right.

Oh, okay.

Exactly.

I know where you live.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, get a lawyer.

No, no, you don't worry.

I'm going to pray for you tonight.

Don't worry.

Okay, okay, good, good, good.

Okay.

I command you to hang up the phone.

Thank you.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you, fucking penis!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

The following is an exclusive of ECU Radio and MadHouseLive.com.

Smoke weed every day.

Hello, this is Dingle residence.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello, this is Dingle residence.

Is this Dick Dingle?

Yeah.

What do you want?

I have a question for you.

What is your favorite potato chip?

What is this call about?

Why are you calling me this late at night?

Uh, we have created a new product called, uh, Dingle Chips, and it's a combination of...

Well, you got a speech impediment, boy?

Can you speak like you just molested a nine-year-old, you fucking child-molesting fucking idiot?

You just got fucking owned, you fat bitch!

What do you have to say about that? Why don't you take your fucking hearing aids out?

Oh, speechless, huh? Go, go, go, go, go.

Hello.

Yeah.

Yeah, what's up? What happened?

It was some asshole.

All right, well, we don't want to deal with assholes, I suppose.

That would suck.

What else we got?

No, I think it was somebody from the chat room.

It was obviously somebody who listens to PCO.

Milkman, who's this from?

This right here says Parker.

Hello?

Yes, this is Vincent Park.

Yes, I have a couple questions for you.

Do you like milk, sir?

No, do you like milk?

No, but I love milk.

the hell?

Do you believe me?

What the hell are you doing?

Yeah, are you literally trying to get me fucked up around here?

I don't know what the hell's going on with these numbers, man.

Milkman, who's sending that in?

That was Zolar.

I can tell you right now, that was definitely Zolar.

That was Zolar?

Was that Zolar?

Yeah.

He's not in the chat right now.

What was the alien code?

He was in the chat, but it wasn't for me.

Um.

Hang on everybody.

We're going to try this third time's a charm.

This will be one moment.

All right.

Hello?

Yeah.

Is this Mark Jameson?

No.

It's Dee Dee.

Who is this?

Dee Dee.

The dead?

The dick?

The dead, you motherfucking pedo.

Hang up, Carlito.

Hello?

I'll go fuck yourself.

Oh, Jesus.

You motherfucking pedo.

What's wrong with you?

You fucking asshole.

Holley don't hang up!

You fucking piece of shit

You fucking da dick

Go fuck yourself

Go fucking 9 year old

Da dick da dick da dick

Go fucking 9 year old

Da dick da dick da dick

Da dumb da dumb da dick

Go fuck yourself a motherfucker

I'm gonna

I'm motherfucking smarter than

And you're a piece of shit.

Shut up.

Shut up, you fucking nine-year-old raping motherfucker.

How did that happen?

Okay, hang on.

That obviously wasn't from Peepers.

Explain that, Milkman.

What the hell is going on?

I keep getting all these numbers.

You got that from the dead, didn't you?

Okay, well, that makes more sense.

He just gave you his own number.

That's probably what it was.

Hang on.

I got a Bruno Vega here in Puerto Rico.

Is it from Monza?

Yeah, yeah.

Bruno Vega, Beverly Hills, Guaynabo, Puerto Rico.

Bruno Vega.

Hello? Hola? Yes. Hola? Is it Bruno? Yes. Is this Pono Vega? Si. What do you want? Yes. Have you heard of the new product called Prick? What did you say? Have you heard of the new product called Prick? I don't understand you. Speak clearly, please.

Have you heard of the new product called Crank?

No, have you heard of Chastity Best for a fucking nine-year-old, you fucking child molesting son of a bitch?

You fucking son of a bitch, you child molesting motherfucker, you a piece of shit, man.

Why you fucking not in jail, you son of a bitch?

You hang up the phone, hang up the phone, little baby.

Yeah, you're conditioned up by your cunt biker, you fuckin' cockroaches, cocksuckers, you motherfuckin' piece of shit.

Are you finished yet?

I'm going to put a dick right in your mouth, you fuckin' little faggot.

You bitchin'.

He's already calling back.

I told you to stretch it.

That's four calls in a row.

You should have stretched it, man.

Oh, my God.

I couldn't help it, dude.

I couldn't help it.

That was great.

He's like, hang up Carlito. Hang up Carlito.

You're on a bad out.

Yeah.

Look, I'm really frustrated, man.

I can't believe that my fans would do this to me and to you.

My show, my own fans would give me numbers like this.

You know, they're giving you their own phone number.

Yeah.

And, you know.

I feel betrayed. I feel like, you know, it's like Pearl Harbor all over again.

Hello?

Hang up, Carlito. It's still there.

Ah, he knew my fucking girl was your nine-year-old showgirl.

You're hurting me. This is...

Seriously, kid.

Stop fucking with me.

You have my life.

Hey, listen. Sue me, okay?

I will.

Make me famous.

I'll sue you for the harassment.

The show's over. Thank you so much.

And he laughs like that.

I don't know. I just... I don't know.

Look, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna call KDK now.

I've got to discuss some stuff with him and see what I'm going to do.

I've been talking to Ted and everything, and I think I might talk to him.

That's it.

Thank you very much for calling, Frank.

All right, dude.

You know, tell Ted that I said hey.

Tell him to take care of his hair.

Okay.

All right.

...leave him the life of a famous superhero like Spider-Man.

All right, we're back.

All right, that was beautiful.

That was a classic.

The reason that worked so well was mostly because of the fact that his dad told him

he wasn't allowed to go to PCU radio anymore, so the dad had blocked it, put up a filter

on their internet service, so he couldn't, it was banned.

The whole parent angle.

Oh yeah, excuse me, sorry guys.

He did that so he couldn't listen to the show, so he was just calling in.

was about the time

that his molestation

thing broke out

that whole thing

was weird too

those were weirdos

yeah

so then

Prankmaster's calling in

and he can't hear the show

so I put him on mute

and I say

hey everybody

if you want to fuck

with Prankmaster

give me your phone number now

and I connect him to you

and you know

acting like it's a prank call

and you can fuck with him

and we're messaging

everybody back and forth

we're planning it

hey

get a hold of the dead

get a hold of Zolar

we got him going

the whole thing

was going on

behind the scenes

yeah it was like going on for about an hour and a half right and it's distilled down to like the

best 10 minutes yeah yeah i remember and at the end there were a lot of i do remember this line

and i did try to call in right yeah yeah the lines were damn the lines were brazenly yeah

yeah because we're happening we were constantly connecting somebody that was good everybody hated

that guy and wanted to call this yeah he's still around i'm sure i wonder what's up with him

He's out there somewhere.

He couldn't live without the prank calls.

He adopted some little kid.

He admitted it in Katie Gay's chat room.

No.

Get out of here.

Yeah, for sure.

You remember he said he had his stomach stabled?

Oh, yeah.

He was like 500 pounds.

Yeah, and he still weighed the same.

He never lost any weight.

Hey, KDK, he went over to, like, Zolar's house.

Dude, I used to fuck with him so much.

Like, I remember this one time.

Zolar's like, Zolar had already told me that he didn't want Pragmaster to come over

and this and that, like, he comes over.

He can bring food and stuff and bribe him.

Yeah, so I, um.

Oh, yeah, that whole scenario was a weirdo.

Yeah, Pragmaster messaged me.

He's like, I want to go to Zolar's house, but I don't know if I should.

He's not answering me.

and i said no totally you should go like fucking uh you should go because i was talking to him and

he was expecting you to come over he's probably just busy doing the show so i go okay and he

he looked like in uh in fucking jersey right and he drove all the way out to long island

he he stopped he stopped on the way and bought a pizza and a big sub for himself

and then he got there and zola wouldn't let him inside the house when it was raining outside

instead they got there with a pizza zola peed on his feet too zola peed in his feet another time

yeah i remember that that was there was video of that actually there was video of him getting to

come in yeah yeah oh dude there was remember the classic though zola brought these whores in this

is like the original zola vision when zola would actually go on air he brought skanky whores in

and this stanky hoe was in there and peeled back her lips

and Skankmaster went down on a whore, went south on her,

and was sucking on that thing.

Zola had herpes after that?

Yeah, they were saying that he had herpes

or he had gotten something from the chick, right?

Weren't they saying that she was a...

He would call and get the skankiest, dirtiest, fucking whores.

Yeah.

Well, the whole thing was, it was supposed to be Prankmaster.

prank master for for uh for making up for whatever he had done at some point he was

supposed to get a roman soldier hell roman roman helmet whatever roman soldier helmet on his

and uh he's always gonna get a gay uh you know gay jiggle or whatever gay prostitute to come

over and do it and uh and at the last minute like prank master backed out of it and they

agree just to piss on his feet kick him out yeah and he did it with socks on too remember like

Like, he pissed on his feet, but he had socks on?

Yeah.

Oh, it's nasty.

He started laughing when he liked it.

Oh, yeah, he's like, oh, it tickles.

Oh, God, it was nasty.

Zola had a video of it, too, man.

He didn't clean up.

He went in his car and drove back home.

That is nasty.

What a nasty guy.

To New Jersey.

I wish Zola would shoot the video out again, man.

Zola, post that on our site, man.

Yeah, Zola, man, if you're out there listening, I don't think he is tonight.

But next time I talk to him, I'm going to ask him to find that video of Prankmaster getting pissed on.

He's in the forums, bro.

Yeah.

We got Gilbert's Lodge, a place where Eminem used to work before he signed with Aftermath.

Signed up with Dr. Dre.

Virginia Ross, she's in Manchester.

Malcolm Woods is in Colchester.

Never heard of Colchester before.

Let's give them a call, see what that's about.

Malcolm Woods, everybody.

What's going on?

Hello.

Good evening.

Hello.

Good morning.

Who is it?

Hi, this is Valente.

Who?

This is Valente.

Is this Woods?

I'm sorry, but you're not ringing me this early ever again.

Oh, I surely am.

And if you hang up, I'll do it again.

Don't hang up.

Told her I would, didn't I?

Man of my word.

Hang on.

Well, she told you, man.

You were not going to be listening.

She's still there.

Hey, woman.

She's still there.

I can't believe this.

You're surely not going to.

You're surely not going to call me.

No, he's not, sir.

They're un-American people.

The cost of this call is $2,000.

Do the little old grandma call like you did the voice before, man.

She took it off the hook.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, she got me there, I guess.

Yep, she wins.

Best it again, Milkman.

Best it again.

Dang.

They're hardcore over there, boy.

That's a tough crowd there.

They don't fucking play.

They don't fucking play in Colchester.

That's why I never called them before.

Probably never will again.

Anyway.

way amber a bama girl in kentucky get a call like we did the manchester pub no that was a classic

oh we have an amber uh broad here she's an escort

we got a url post your picture like you're supposed to remind me about doing drugs in

the bathroom jerk unreliable you're unreliable you understand hello hello this is amber this

This is Amber?

No, it's not.

Who's this?

This is Ashley.

Oh, hey, Big Ashley.

How you doing?

I was trying to find Amber.

Is this the escort service?

This is Ashley and Amber both.

I mean, you're talking to Ashley right at the moment.

Oh, what's up, Big Girl?

How you doing?

Who is this?

This is Valente.

Look, I was looking to party.

Hello?

Are you guys party?

Depends on what kind of party you're talking about.

No, hanging out.

I mean, they'll just want to, you know, you guys come over and I tip you well and stuff.

That's all it is.

It's nothing.

This is just tipping.

Right?

I'm just tipping.

Whatever, you know, whatever guys and girls want to do, it's fine.

I'm in Irwin.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm in Lexington.

You guys are in Irwin or Irvin or something?

It says here that you guys are close to, like, where I am at here.

So I'm here on business, fucking, from Valentin Associates, and I'm trying to figure out, like, what's up?

Hold on just a minute for me.

I live in Miami.

I'm here with some country girls.

Fuck.

It's some fucking pussy.

It's some fucking pussy and shit.

Fucking country girls.

Hello?

Hey, who's this?

This is Big Amber.

Yeah.

Hey, what's up, big girl? How you doing?

Not much. How about you?

It's Valente. Look, I'm from Miami and shit, and I'm here in Lexington on business with Valente and Associates.

I don't know if you heard we're here for that conference, the big conference. You heard about it?

No.

The home-grown processing conference?

I mean, I don't live in Lexington, so I don't keep up with all the conferences that go on there. It's a very busy city.

Oh, yeah. No, yeah. I didn't know. I thought it was a small city, but there's a lot of shit going on here, man.

Are you far? Like, are you far from here?

From Lexington, probably, you know, I mean, what are you, downtown Lexington, or?

Yeah, I'm looking to party, totally.

I don't have nothing to do tomorrow until, like, 8 and 9.

I'm looking to fucking party.

You know, it's just tipping and stuff.

I mean, are you staying downtown, or what hotel are you at?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm downtown.

For me to get downtown, it's probably, what?

I'm at the Suites.

45 minutes or something like that?

So, do you need some bread for gas, or what's the deal?

I mean, if you're wanting, you know, for me to come down there for an hour.

Fuck that, a few hours.

I mean, now let's talk about four hours and stuff, right?

For four hours?

Yeah, a party.

A fucking party, man.

What kind of party are you referring to?

Just hanging out.

Just fucking tips and shit, man.

Like, are you like a redneck-y girl kind of girl?

Or like, what do you look like?

Like, I'm not from Miami.

I've never been around, you know, hayseeds, stuff like that.

Big girls.

You know, country girls and stuff.

Hang on one second.

All right.

You know, I don't even drink.

You don't even drink?

No, but you like music and stuff?

You like dance?

You like to dance?

Yeah.

We dance.

You want to dance?

We dance.

You got music you can bring with you?

Do I have what?

You got some music?

I mean, is your mom coming with you?

Please, that's my roommate.

Oh, oh, shit.

I'm sorry, she sounded older.

Is she older?

I'm guessing, right?

She's like...

Actually, I'm a little bit older than she is.

Oh, because she's talking like in her 40s and stuff, right?

No, she's 30 and I'm 30.

Wow, does she smoke?

No.

She sounds mad old.

So anyway, I mean, you want to party like four hours and stuff?

Like, I'll get you breakfast and shit.

It's all good.

I mean, if I came down there for four hours, it would be a donation about $3.25.

Donation?

That's what you call it?

You don't call it tipping here?

I mean, I'm using the wrong terminology.

No?

Hey, you like perfume?

What kind of perfume you like?

Well, tell me what's up, because they got a store right here downstairs.

It's still open.

and I'll get you some perfume and shit.

No, that's not necessary.

No, I do it.

No, fuck.

No, no, no, no.

It's going to be cool, man.

We're going to go party and stuff.

I mean, when are you wanting to do something?

Soon as possible.

I mean, tonight.

Tonight, straight up.

Tonight, come on.

Where are you staying at?

I'm at the Suites.

You know the Suites?

Suites, downtown.

Suites, downtown Lexington.

Suites is shit.

Fucking Suites, dude.

It's fucking sweet.

Let me tell you what time it is.

Hang on one second.

Look, straight up.

i've got like a sofa bed in here and i got like my own it's got its own separate bedroom and a

separate kitchen and everything it's got a bathroom with a with a tub like a deep tub

like hot tub you can put like four people in it it's fucking awesome my company's paying for it

and everything i don't fucking care we're fucking partying all night i mean right now i'm not gonna

have anything to have that much a lot of time oh what you got going on though what's i thought you

You were on call.

What's this?

I mean, I had an in-call at my house.

I had an in-call, too, but right now, I kind of got appointments back.

No, but fuck, no.

Just cancel them.

I'll pay whatever, man.

Whatever they would have been.

Fuck them, man.

I'm fucking Valente.

This is a fucking party, man.

Can't do that.

I mean, if I get free or something, you know, if I have some canceled, you know, I can call you back.

How much do you charge for them and shit?

I'll pay you double.

Whatever you make, I'll pay you double and fuck it.

I'll pay you gas money.

Fuck it.

I'll give you that perfume and shit.

What do you want?

You want some Clairol, Clairon?

What do you want?

What do you got?

Club Cover Girl?

Rayvon?

What is it?

I don't know what you want.

Do whatever you want, man.

Whatever you want, I'll get it for you.

What do you want to do?

You want to get a nice fucking breakfast?

You want some fucking, what, filet mignon or something?

Fucking whatever you want.

Fucking total party all night.

Fucking get fucking pussy, man.

It's fucking awesome.

I mean, you know, I've had previous engagements for the last few hours, you know.

And some of them I cannot call back and reschedule.

Oh, come on.

Well, what's the problem, man?

I can't.

Well, take care of it.

What's the problem?

You got a kid or something?

Tell me the truth.

You got a kid?

No.

You ain't got no kid?

You swear on your kid's life you ain't got no kid?

Oh.

That's you and a liar, right?

You swear on your kid's life you don't have a kid?

No, I don't have a kid.

You swear on your kid's life that you don't have a kid?

That's why she can't leave.

Say it.

Say, I swear on my kid's life that I don't have a kid.

I don't need to do that because I don't have a kid.

Liar, liar.

Pants on fire, man.

Okay, that's Jesus Christ.

swearing your kid's life

you ain't got no kid

well obviously

if she didn't have a kid

I would say

that's how you get

I bet she couldn't leave

but she'd be the babysitter

for all our teenagers

and shit

all our young guys

out there still learning

listening to this show

at some point or another

remember that

that's a good way

to find out

if a girl's lying to you

like fucking Evil Artie

he's always getting

he always tells me

dude

shouldn't be talking

this shit

but the guy

fucking calls me

every month

he's got some other woman

man

met her online

MySpace

or something

or my book

face space whatever the fucking shit is and he's like hey get this gig i'm like what yeah she's

got a kid and this and that i'm like every i'm like dude you're fucking like 19 and you're you're

trying you're getting with women you're that desperate that you're meeting women online and

they have kids and he's like paying their fucking bills and shit like what the fuck man you're

fucking stupid you're fucking pendejo man he's a fucking pendejo and i told him that too so you

You fucking for them.

They should be paying for you, dumbass.

They pay for you.

And then my fucking in-laws are coming.

Listen, the fucking in-laws are coming here for Thanksgiving.

You know the fucking mess that he left over here on this carpet that I showed you guys when he fucking came over when Zolar was here?

I got to get a fucking steam cleaner to clean that shit up before they get here for Thanksgiving.

Oh, you still haven't done that.

I should make his fucking ass come over here, but he's so stupid that I bet you he'd ruin it.

He'd make the fucking carpet worse with a fucking steam cleaner.

I bet you'd find a way to fucking ruin it.

Take the paint out of it.

Take all the color out of it.

I bet you'd be like white, like bleach white.

You're so stupid.

I bet you'd find a damn way.

You'd be the only one that could.

You'd be the only one that could ruin a carpet with a steam cleaner.

You'd stain it worse.

I bet you anything.

Fucking sad sack.

Fuck him.

I don't know what's coming out of him.

Fucking ass.

Real asshole sometimes, man.

Some of the shit that he's done.

He comes over.

He leaves tons of candy wrappers everywhere.

Soda cans.

Dr. Pepper.

Pepper, he brought like a whole, I swear to God, he brought like six Dr. Peppers with him.

He drank them in one sitting here at the end of the show.

What?

Check over in the G-Talk, man.

I just sent you a file, man.

This is a special gift from one of our listeners here to us.

You got to accept, though.

I'm looking for it.

I don't see anything.

Where'd you send it?

You got to send it to the other one.

I sent...

You got to send it to the other one.

I didn't have it up, man.

Send it to the...

I sent it to the regular...

I sent it to the regular Madhouse one

that we normally use.

There, send it to the right one,

and I'll play it.

All right.

Let's do a prank call here.

We're talking a lot of shit.

All American Barbie doll.

Megan's her name.

She's an escort in Lexington, Kentucky.

Damn, that girl had some titties, man.

Why, is there pictures of her?

Yeah, man.

It was posted in the chat.

Let's check her out.

Where's the link?

I don't see no link.

Oh, there it is.

Oh, we're getting this very close.

Let's check on Amber.

Is she a big girl?

She's a little big girl.

She looks like she's a...

a little bit of fun all right she's a little bit of fun yeah girl yeah that's funny i wasn't

calling her big amber she still had teeth man anyway gotta count for something man being in

lexington this is an asshole like what's up big girl filet mignon and perfume whatever all right

let's call this other broad as uh reckled would say if he was calling in megan big megan we got

a pick for megan there lonesome loser let us know let me know what i'm working with all right now

I'll check it. I should be sending it to you now. There you go.

Put a nice finger in her ass.

I know you would, Milkman. You put a finger in a girl's ass.

In a second, I bet you wouldn't freak.

You do sometimes. It's fun to do that.

It'll stink on your pink. Stink your pinky.

Megan is full and cannot

accept new messages at this point.

Megan's full.

I get it.

Because he's full of cum.

Megan is full.

Eight seconds left on that transfer, Milkman. We'll play your shit.

I did not.

Let's see if Old Town Liquor's still open.

What was that?

Someone wants to call in?

The number?

Yeah, incredible ask to call in, man, but we don't have the 800 line yet.

The other one, the local, the mouth line is up.

407, it's right there in the chat room.

Should be there.

We got to put the new 9 line in there.

407-459-4534, the mouth line.

That's the number you need to call.

407-459-

But if I'm doing a prank call, you're going to get a voicemail.

Just letting you know.

So many people don't seem to understand that.

I get that all the time from you guys.

Oh, I was calling in.

It was busy.

Oh, the voicemail.

You didn't pick up.

It's like, really?

Was I doing a prank call at that time?

Yeah.

Okay.

So I didn't know I was the guy who could fucking do two calls at the same time.

I'm the fucking invisible fucking magnetic man.

Magnetic phone man.

Jesus.

Fucking liquor.

Liquor, sticker, and flicker.

Where's that from?

You sound like a pirate there for a second.

Milkman with liquor, sticker, and flicker.

okay i sent you the file man let's play that file it's gonna be some shit it's incredible's beat

it does sound very mf doomish put this in the background credible made this on a playstation 2

oh really i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about

there was there was uh there was some little known uh i think it was a playstation 1 game

as a matter of fact might have been a ps2 game but it was uh fucking you can make beats in it

and stuff, and I remember a bunch of people making their own beats, saying, oh, we're

going to sell these beats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I forgot what that game was.

It was a long time ago.

Hello.

What's up, big guy?

How you doing?

You doing shit?

Awesome.

Thank you for that.

Is this Incredible or someone else?

Yeah, it's Incredible.

What's going on, boss?

As you said yourself.

Hey, man.

So did you make that beat, or you just came across it?

I made it.

You made it?

Now, what did you use?

You're the Mac guy, right?

So I'm presuming you made it on the Mac.

Yeah, I'm the Apple guy.

I made it in Logic 9.

Logic 9 is the name of the program.

See, Tuck, you need to learn this stuff.

Tuck's an Apple guy, too.

You might want to talk to him.

He always has trouble with his Apple products.

Yeah, he needs to get a PC, tell him.

Yeah, he needs to get a PC.

I'm going to use those Apple apps.

All right.

And so, hey, you've got another inside line,

but you know a little bit about the podcasting with iTunes.

What was the deal with my podcast?

You said, you remember that it would show certain episodes

after a certain date and it had them out of order or something?

None of the episodes.

redundant links.

That script is going to be completely

gone. It's not going to be

updated anymore. What I have to do, I'm going to

make one update to it that basically says,

hey, there's a new podcast feed.

This one's no longer in service.

I'm basically going to make an episode that says that.

Go to the site,

resubscribe, and then

and then I'll have to push the new one to iTunes.

Any ideas on how I can get, like, feature?

Like, what do they look for up in the iTunes and the podcasting people?

Who makes that decision anyway?

Is there someone I can email?

Well, it would be me.

Okay, well, sure.

I mean, if you're paying well, there's all this word-of-mouth feature used to album an actual.

Right.

Is my CD on the store?

We're saying if you do put reviews and the VLP from it.

Should I be tagging every episode differently depending on what was mentioned in the show?

Would that make sense?

Should I go that avenue?

I've always thought about that, but I never did it.

Well, people love getting...

Because, yeah, the shows, you know, podcasts that have a lot of people updating,

people are like, okay, cool, look, they've got a lot of episodes,

they update what looks like weekly or bi-weekly or something like that,

and let me subscribe to this.

It's not going to be something that's going to send to my iPod and never update.

Hey, man, what do you know about the iPod?

Do you know anything about hardware?

Because my iPod, I think it finally died.

Like, you have to...

No, it's an old, it's a fourth generation.

It's the first video one, a 30-gig video one, I think, from...

I don't know what gen it is.

One of the older ones.

I got it in 2006.

It just, the hard drive, it doesn't crash whenever I try to sync it.

It just constantly turns off.

It turns off, it turns off, it turns off.

It doesn't stay on.

Yeah, that is a technical issue,

and that would have to actually be brought into an Apple store to be repaired.

Or you can send it into, we'll be able to, did you drop it?

No, no, it might have got some beer spilled on it,

so maybe that's what did it.

I don't know.

Like, I've opened, I've already broke the warranty.

to you like this thing is ancient and i i did my own repair on it myself the headphone jack was bad

and i bought a new one and i repaired it and everything inside so that's not that but at this

one yeah but i'll just get my own i mean really i'm gonna get a new one i should say and i heard

a rumor about uh an iphone nano you hear anything about that that's fucking crazy that verizon's

gonna get the iphone nano apparently in like less than a year um you know what i think they may be

video capability.

So maybe they're just going to incorporate

that into a phone. I don't know. I just heard

that Verizon was going to get the iPhone

Nano and then the

3G version, the regular

standard iPhone would stay with AT&T for

another year or something. I don't know. Some crazy rumors

are all over the place today.

The guys at work we're talking about.

As you know, we are a lot of people.

Indeed, indeed. So let's not talk

about stuff. I don't want you to

be the source of a leak. I really think

this call should be taken off air.

I will definitely not be there next week.

All right.

No, I hear you.

I hear you.

We won't talk about that.

Hey, do you want to do a prank call or just call and say what's up?

I don't know if you're an actual prank caller.

Okay, I'll tell you what I've got.

In England, we've got a hotel.

We've got an Indian guy who answered at a different hotel in England.

He's Indian, as a matter of fact.

If you're looking, you'd like that angle.

Megan did not answer.

Let's see here.

We've got some motels in the States.

That's about it.

Everything else is too old to call probably at this point.

with the exception of a minute-marked quick stop

that might be 24-7.

They're in Vancouver, Washington.

Okay.

Anyway, so what do you think?

You want to call England?

I can make that happen.

Cheap motel.

Go up there again.

Yeah, this is in England,

but it's a hotel with an Indian dude.

It's the best Western, as a matter of fact, in England.

We'll give them a call.

Cross your fingers,

because the last time I tried to do three-way calls

on a madhouse,

all it did was disconnect the person who was calling in.

So hopefully they won't do that.

Hopefully Google got their shit straight,

and it's working now.

I don't know.

Just a moment. If it disconnects, call right back, all right?

All right.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Fuck, it worked. All right.

Thank you for calling the Best Western Buckingham Hotel.

Please dial one for reservations, dial two for green and violet.

You are being transferred to the operator, Hytale.

You don't need no education.

Hey, Kelly, it's Jonathan. Just calling to see you.

Yeah.

If you'll call me back as soon as you can.

Okay, I'm going to try to kill it.

These people suck.

I'm going to call a different one.

This one's called the Headley House Hotel.

Don't worry about it.

It's just a hotel.

Hotel.

Number?

You got my new cell number.

I'm not going to give it out on air.

But give me a call when you get this message.

We need to talk.

All right, nice.

I've got to talk with Jonathan.

Watch out.

It's serious.

Oh, jeez.

He's coming to Orlando next week.

We're going to meet up for drinks or food or something and hang out with him.

Oh, cool.

I got some Twitter pictures for that.

This call is two cents per minute.

Calling Headley House.

If you know the number of the person you wish to dial, please dial it now.

Visit us online at headleyhouse.com.

You can view our new range of facilities.

Book online and email us with any of your special requirements.

How can I help?

I'm Carl Marks.

Our reception is still closed and it opens at 8 o'clock in the morning.

So if you could just give us a ring back then, we'll be able to help you.

Really, really, like money's no object right now, but I really, really got to get in.

I really got to get a reservation tonight.

I'm afraid I can't help you, sir, because all the computers are shut down, so I won't be able to do that.

I won't even be able to check availability.

Well, yes, it's both at 8 o'clock in the morning.

And you said...

8 o'clock in the morning.

I just want to book a reservation.

Holiday, you think you'll be there when I get to see you?

I mean, will you be there when I...

Yes, I will be there.

Oh, you'll be there?

Are you going to...

So, what I'm going to say to you, sir, the reception is open from 8 o'clock in the morning to 10 in the evening.

And if you would like to bring back those times, we'll book you in.

It will be either Mandy or Lena.

Either Mandy or Lena.

Call them back. You answer the phone, okay?

Okay, then.

And you do think it would be a good phone.

I have people in the chat room commenting on that.

Nunu thinks she's a slut.

I agree. Let me clear the line.

Let me clear the line there.

All right, dude.

We came to that.

At some point, you just kind of switched it on.

You're like, okay.

Okay.

You know, the whole smooth is like, you know, fucking came in.

Yeah, I think we should talk about Craigslist.

Want One is talking about Craigslist.

Yeah, we could.

Lonesome was sending in.

He sent in a few Craigslist numbers there.

What's on Craigslist that much?

Are there jobs on there?

Are there hookers on there?

What else?

I don't go to Craigslist that much.

What do you know about them?

Anything?

Massages.

I mean, Craigslist.

Massages.

Sacramento.

Nice.

Massages.

That's right.

It's all local, too.

That's the whole deal.

There's an Indian restaurant in Japan.

That might be the last one for the night.

I'm starting to fall asleep.

It's 1, 10 a.m. over here where I am.

I don't know.

Well, you're in the West Coast.

You're good to go.

Not me.

I've got to work tomorrow.

Yes, 10 a.m.

10 p.m.

All right.

You want to take this one?

You want to take the last call of the night, or should I do it?

Is it Japanese?

Japanese?

It's an Indian restaurant in Japan, as a matter of fact, is what it is precisely.

Oh, you go ahead.

The master, yeah, master of nothing tonight.

Don't go anywhere.

Stand in line, then, and enjoy yourself there.

Listen in.

Jump in if you feel the need.

All right.

Last call of the night, everybody.

Let's get together after this show there.

Good night.

Masturbate.

Fucking chem midterm, man.

That's what I do.

Chem.

I didn't like that class in high school or college.

It's okay.

It's just boring.

You don't really learn anything.

You just got to use memorized formulas and fucking the elements and stuff and how they act.

Learn how to use the mole unit.

Memo well.

Six times ten to the twenty-third.

Fuck you.

I'm working on it.

Returning to main menu, the phone number to which you call is 3 cents per minute.

You have 5 minutes of talk time to this number.

Yay, 5 minutes.

Hey, shut up.

Hello?

Yes, Mushi Mushi, I'm an American, and I would like to speak to sexual, nice, pretty Japanese women.

This moment, please.

All right.

Hello?

Yeah, hi, buddy, how you doing?

Yeah, I want to talk to a woman, please.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you well.

I want to talk to a woman.

Woman?

Yeah, woman.

Female.

Pretty woman.

Pretty woman?

Uh-huh.

They're all pretty women.

Oh, yeah?

You fuck them?

Yeah, they're many, many pretty women.

You ever fuck them?

You ever go in there a little bit?

Get a little stink?

Eh?

You ever get a little stink?

Pardon me.

Just a moment.

Okay.

Yeah, tell me.

Let's go in private.

Talk about it.

Eh?

Have you ever had sex with a Japanese chick?

Like an Asian girl?

It's fucking hot, right?

Just a moment.

Huh?

I don't know.

Yeah, hey, would you ever do an Asian chick?

They are very busy now.

They cannot help you.

No, I want to make an order.

I want to make an order.

What kind of order?

For, you know, food, services.

Huh?

I want to make an order for services.

There's no any services.

Oh, yeah, oral sex.

Yes.

Huh?

From the man or the woman?

What do you prefer?

All right, good.

We're done.

We're out of here.

That's my time.

Returning to main menu.

You have no new messages.

To place a call, press 2.

Two, the cost of this call is three cents per minute.

You have five minutes of talk time to this number.

At some point, we lost Incredible.

I'll press two.

For Goog 411, press three.

Fuck you.

We lost Incredible.

Sorry, Incredible, we lost you.

Milkman, you will need to take us out of here.

Post haste.

Thank you.

All right.

Hey, Hermano.

Hey.

I'm going to give you a call right after the show.

All right.

I'm going to give you a call right after the show.

All right.

This is the thing now.

All right.

Let's go.

All right.

Hey, man.

All right.

Now, really, I'd like to thank everybody out there for listening.

All our friends out there.

98.6, no doubt, that's right in our chat room.

We have big old life rights, lonesome loser, a number six man.

God bless the man.

The man with the numbers.

Thank you so much.

Mr. Tug.

Yeah.

That's right.

Tug Mike over at tugmike.com.

Sir Nunu of Wankershire, England.

Yeah.

We have Big Maven.

That's right.

Big Maven.

The Queen of the Katana.

Bad Boys.

Incredible.

Thanks for calling in.

Excellent call.

Good possibilities there.

MST3 Clay.

Reclude, you wanker.

Glad to hear you're back in there, man.

Bring back Bruno Vega.

Reclude, yeah.

We didn't get a chance to.

We should have tried to get Reclude to call in tonight.

Sorry, man.

Next week.

Yeah, totally.

He was going to call in, man, but he was wasted.

Next week.

That's right.

All right.

And also, that's right.

Our listener.

That's right.

We do it every week for you.

We drop the dime.

We only ask for your time.

Bang your friends.

Bury your enemies.

And tell them all about this crazy wild thing we got here called the Whitehead Host Live.

That's right.

Yeah, man.

And everybody, hold your hands high.

Puck your fist in the air for the Generalissimo of the Militia of the Madhouse.

Yeah.

God bless you, man.

God bless me.

For him, I don't want somebody to sleep.

week. Everybody masturbate furiously

and think about me tonight.

Thank you, Milkman. Thank you for being on the show.

Tucker Mike. Mike

Tuck. Big Tuck, as we like to call him

on here. He is out there. Thank you very much

for joining us tonight.

Tuck's reachable over at tuckermike.com.

Tuck, anything going on with you? Any new

comic books? Any more paintings?

Drawing naked, you know, big boobie girls?

Lots of stuff. Can't really talk about it at all,

but lots of stuff.

Oh, wow!

I'll go check it out. Okay, I'll check it out.

I'll check it out, Tuck.

Seriously, go check out Tuck's website.

He'll be an asshole.

Hey, everybody, get in there on Facebook, too.

I've got a Facebook account, and everybody, join up.

You don't have to comment and let me know you're on there and looking at it.

You guys are crazy.

I love the both of you so much.

Well, some losers, thank you for helping us out tonight.

As always, you're the man, sending in a lot of numbers, all the numbers we called.

I want to apologize that we got disconnected.

Incredible, but thanks for calling in.

And a good call you did.

and unfortunately that you lost the call to japan that is my fault i take full responsibility and i

am now going to fire myself and i've just rehired myself big thanks to new new for sending in

information but thanks to uh uh everybody fucking all of you for who tuned in tonight recluse sorry

we're gonna get to you bad boys of iowa was in the house i didn't notice until now look at him

msc3 clay the white boy was in here tonight also good to see him big lifelike was in the house in

australia as we mentioned before many many others jonathan's there i gotta get with jonathan too

Yeah, Bad Boys is on my Facebook.

Gojo.

That's a weird name.

Hi-Fi.

Hi-Fi is in the chat a lot.

What's up, Hi-Fi?

What, when?

Converse quite a bit.

Chick-use.

Chikuse.

Whatever.

Thanks, everyone who tuned in.

If I forgot to mention you, you know what?

I can't name you all.

See you next week.

Calls (23, 1 h 32 min of 2 h 49 min)

Transcript

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