MadhouseSearch

1 Room, 1 Bed, 2 Men

26 Dec 2009 · 1 h 23 min · 10,242 words · source

Calls (20, 1 h 4 min of 1 h 23 min)
  1. Best Buy automated menu ivr 2.2 min clip ↓
  2. Three-Star Taxis Mr. Hassan live 4.0 min clip ↓
  3. Hotel Napoleon monkey guy live 1.4 min clip ↓
  4. Hotel Napoleon again live 1.7 min clip ↓
  5. Homa Hotel in Iran asked about gay room live 6.4 min clip ↓
  6. Tehran Engelab Hotel asked about gay room live 6.9 min clip ↓
  7. Homa Hotel homosexual hotel prank live 7.1 min clip ↓
  8. Cafe Paradiso codfish fritters order live 2.3 min clip ↓
  9. Passage to India bowel blockage prank live 1.6 min clip ↓
  10. United Nations Manchester Hotel transfer attempt live 3.6 min clip ↓
  11. Iran hotel reservation conversation live 3.5 min clip ↓
  12. Pithiraj restaurant pickup order live 3.3 min clip ↓
  13. Go Chicken pickup order live 2.8 min clip ↓
  14. Dixie Fried Chicken recipe inquiry live 1.1 min clip ↓
  15. Pizza and Kebab House order confusion live 3.1 min clip ↓
  16. Domino's Pizza UK order dispute live 6.8 min clip ↓
  17. Homa Hotel Iran reservation prank live 2.6 min clip ↓
  18. Eastside Mario's pizza call live 41 s clip ↓
  19. Freedom Program security code call live 1.4 min clip ↓
  20. Pizza Hut ordered pepperoni and asked about vagina live 1.9 min clip ↓

Transcript

I'm sorry, that's very bad.
No, but I just answered. Yes or no?
Huh?
That's a very bad question.
Are you a virgin or no?
Can I talk to my manager? Can you talk to my manager?
Hurry up, please. Yes, woman.
Welcome.
Who is this?
You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.
You motherfucking prick!
Okay, happy holidays.
That'd be a little better.
Okay, I'm going to do some prank calls.
Prepare yourself.
Machine.
Thank you there man audible and oral fuck be here, but it's not okay best buy
They're located up in Seattle and shit the Geek Squad for store hours press 1 for direction
Press 2 to speak to a sales associate
3
Listen, I need you to explain this goddamn fine print
Let me talk one ass I got right no no putting Carlito on hold like that
Best Buy. Hope you're all having a blessed evening.
It is a day after Christmas. That's why we're calling Best Buy.
I'm going to complain about the fine print.
You want to return something?
I'm going to try.
And give the perfect gift every time.
To learn more, visit BestBuy.com.
Yeah, we did this last year.
Wish them peace and love.
At the end, I'll wish them peace and love after my total ass time.
That's what I want to do today.
I want to wish everyone peace and love.
I want to trade this in for some peace and love.
The Pitch In card from Best Buy makes perfecting easy.
Fucking ass.
Shit isn't working.
Let's see if I can call them back.
I'm trying to do the automatic dial.
Let's try it again.
Let's go to the studio line.
Maybe that's why.
Shit, I hear a ringing in the background.
Eh, nothing.
Did we do this last year? Yeah, I think we did.
three-star taxis uh muzaffar hassan of pevin peverell road owner of three-star ambassador
taxis displayed the badge in his car after parking in a disabled bay spaces on cattle i'm gonna go
say the name of those streets and shit but apparently he got in trouble the magistrate's
court was told that a city council civil enforcement officer saw mr hassan sitting
sitting in the parked car which had a private hire plate a blue badge which expired on february 15th
was on display on the dashboard.
The officer examined the badge
and was told by Mr. Hassan
that it belonged to his father
who was in the market shopping.
He claimed not to know that it expired.
After initially maintaining
that his father was in the market,
Mr. Hassan eventually admitted
that he was dead.
That's horrible, man.
You do that to your dad,
your old man's dad,
and you're using...
He took himself off the market?
Yeah, he took himself off the market.
What the fuck is in the
dialing through shit working?
God damn it, let me...
Let me try to fix something.
Give me a second here.
Yes, may I speak with Mr. Hassan?
Who is this I'm speaking with?
Are you related to him?
What's your relations?
I don't understand what you're saying.
Is there an American I can speak to there?
An American speaker?
And what do you do again?
You touch the papers?
Yeah, do you touch the papers?
Who over there was touching the papers?
He touches the papers?
How much does he touch it?
No?
Do you think he touches it a lot?
ring me every Monday.
No, but listen, asshole.
What I'm trying to get to the bottom
is the fact that
there was someone parked in my space
and I want to get resolution.
And I need you to...
All right.
So where are the papers at?
I'm coming down to get your papers.
You'll give me paper?
No, no, no.
You're going to give me your paper.
My paper?
Yeah.
Do you have access to the papers?
No.
Well, how can I get access
to the papers immediately?
You're required to give me
access to the papers.
I'm an ambassador.
Yeah, but I'm not here in a moment.
I'll give you...
No, but listen.
I'm calling from the Embassy
of the United States of America.
You understand?
I need you, you and me are going to work together and I need you to go to the, do you have, where's the office there?
Yeah.
Is there an office there with papers in it?
Office?
Yeah.
I don't know, I've got no clue.
There's no office there where you are? Is there a drawer or anything like that? Anywhere where there's a folder?
No, no folder, nothing in there.
No papers at all?
No.
So how do you...
I've got no clue, but best thing you ring to Hassan.
Listen, listen, listen Hassan. Where's the permits at then?
Yeah.
No, you have permits, right?
Don't you have permits?
Permits.
Uh-huh.
Papers that say you're allowed to do business?
Yeah, he's going to one or I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, where is it at?
Let's find it.
He's home.
Huh?
He's home.
Well, give me his number, and I'll connect him with you and me at the same time.
We'll call him together.
Woman.
No, I'm not a woman.
Listen.
You're a woman, a woman.
Yeah, I know where you're standing anyway, yeah?
Yeah.
Hold on, hold on a minute.
Shut up.
He calls you a woman.
Hey, he says woman.
And why are you such an asshole to put me on hold for a long time?
Oh, yeah.
Were you stupid or something?
Zero seven.
Hang on, hang on, asshole.
What is it?
Zero seven.
Nine five eight.
Uh-huh.
And what's the country code?
That's it.
No, I'm calling from America, from the United States.
So what's the country code?
Oh, code.
I think you dial the same number as I think it's going, I'm not sure.
Because I'm calling you collect.
That is mobile number.
Is it okay if I call him collect?
Because I'm calling you collect.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, because you're paying for this call right now.
Calling the number.
No, I called your number, collect, and so you're paying for the...
Yeah, I know. I think, Sam, you put a code on here. It's like a 10 code.
No, but I'm calling you, collect, now. You're paying for this call.
It doesn't cost me money, you understand?
Like, they're charging your phone, and you're paying for the call right now.
Okay, then ring the number, yeah?
No, no, no, but listen.
Yeah.
Listen, if I talk to him, you talked to him already, he had mispicked my call.
Yeah.
All right? So it's okay if I call him?
I don't understand. I don't know where he is. Best thing, you ring the number.
I'm going to call him.
Hey listen
I'm gonna call him
I'm gonna call you back
Okay
Okay no problem
And you pick up the phone
I'll be a jerk
Okay
Alright
See I don't know
How to dial that number
I think I do though
Let's see if I can
I think it's like
01144
And then the number
He fucking gave me
Let's try it
Let's try it that way
I think
No I think that's kind of long
Someone tried to fucking
Figure out how to dial that
Holy shit
I have no idea
I have no idea where to start
There you go
You tell me how to dial
That number that he gave me
Or oh well
Lonesome Loser's in the house too
Lonesome Loser
Translate this
While we do that, we're going to call the Hotel Napoleon.
I forgot, what was the name of the guy that we were having trouble with at the Hotel Napoleon?
Listen, I need to talk to that one guy.
You know who I'm talking about?
That monkey guy?
You want to speak with which person, sir?
The monkey guy that answers the phone at night.
May I help you?
Hey, is this the monkey?
I beg your pardon?
Are you a monkey?
Are you people monkeys over there?
You're so stupid.
You act like monkeys.
Yes, sir.
Yeah?
It's true.
You guys are animals, right?
Moron. Listen, I want a full refund. I want all my tickets back and I want a refund right now.
You do this on the phone and put it in my credit card right now.
Oh, yes. Okay. Go ahead.
No, you go ahead. You go ahead and do it right now.
Go ahead?
No, you, sir. You give me the refund.
Okay, okay.
You twit idiot.
You want me to go ahead?
I want you to go on your computer right now and tell me when it's turned on.
Okay, sir. Hold on, please.
Hurry up, Hassan.
It wasn't Hassan. It was a French guy.
I forget who the fuck it was. It was some French dude we were talking to that one time.
Bruno, Bruno, that's what it was.
Bruno liked the movie.
I told him that I saw a movie with a homosexual with the same name.
Was it a coincidence?
So you're going to wait until you see that Avatar movie?
Wow, man.
So you're going to see that Avatar.
Do they have a movie theater there where you live in the country?
Do you have to drive over a mountain to get to it?
Probably.
And I was just downloading it with your DSO.
The buzz was it was in 3D.
And I went and I was wasted and I saw it in 3D.
And there was a fight that almost broke up between a black guy, a big black dude, and a white guy.
The guy looked like Tony Little.
Tony Little.
Not Tony Little.
You know that big black dude?
Well, you know, who's the big black dude that played Zeus in that movie with Hulk Hogan?
I always forget his name.
You know who I'm talking about.
Just a big fucking dude.
Yeah.
Tiny Lister.
Tiny Lister?
Tony Lister?
Yes.
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah, the guy looked just like that.
And he called his wife.
They were fighting because the white guy was saving like eight seats for fucking people.
I'm going to hang up.
I'm going to call him back.
He was saving eight seats for these people.
I'm going to find you this YouTube.
Yeah?
Find me, you two.
They're Hulk Hogan and Santa Claus.
Was it a wrestling thing, or what was it?
Video 90s movie.
Oh, boy.
That sounds fun.
All right, let's try calling that.
Let's try calling Hassan at his house.
Cost of this call is 19 cents per minute.
19 cents per minute.
Expensive.
It's a fucking cell phone.
Welcome to Orange Arthur, sir.
I'm sorry, but the person you've called is not available.
Please beep your message up.
He had me spend 19 cents a minute for that.
For that.
so then we'll call him back and complain in person what was that number let me grab it here
that's for the uh three ambassador star what three star ambassador taxi give him a call and give him
a stern lecture about oh the guy was kind of boring and that's excited about this but we'll do
it we start what we finish here this call is two cents per minute like that kitty k guy we start
what we finish phones off the hook so we'll call the paris place again the hotel napoleon
Hulk Hogan's movie's in the chat.
Yeah, I see it, I see it.
Is it a good audio to play on the show?
Hulk Hogan saves Christmas.
Hulk Hogan saves Christmas.
Okay, I'm going to have to watch that then.
It could be, yes.
It should be.
All right, entertain me, everybody,
while I try to entertain you with Hulk Hogan Christmas,
live from Tuck, tuckermike.com.
Listen, don't put me in on that.
Santa!
You're Santa Claus.
Santa!
No.
Yes!
No.
Yes?
No.
Yes!
I don't think so.
I mean, are these good for you with all the fat?
Santa, don't you remember?
Number two, uh, of cookies.
Yeah.
Thanks, everybody.
Not how you stand across an A, Hulk Hogan.
We're not gonna play that.
Sorry, Tuck.
All right, let's go.
We're gonna call back that, uh...
Oh, yeah.
But I'll check it later.
That wasn't...
It's bad.
It's horrible.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
It looks like it's chopped up.
It looks chopped and screwed.
I've done a ball and he's supposed to be at home.
I'm giving men a big introduction.
Shit, okay, let's, uh...
Let's look at numbers that Lonesome Loser has sent in the past.
I think he's still confirming some right now.
I'm sure he'll send some soon.
I'm looking for those places in Iran that we called before.
Rifa Store, No, Homa Hotel.
That's all we had in Iran.
Let's call the Homa Hotel, then.
We had some fun this year with Calls International.
We blew it up.
We went above and beyond what other prank call stations do, I would say.
When it comes to prank calling Russia and North Korea and Embassy in Singapore.
7 cents per minute.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Vietnam, Japan.
That's what's doing that, exactly.
Yeah.
Of course, you know, everybody copies me.
Welcome to Omaha, it's a terror.
Okay.
Because you're an originator.
You invented phone calling.
Yeah.
I invented the phone.
Calling the operator.
He said, Mr. Watson, I need you, and boom.
Everyone started copycatting me.
Yeah.
Yes, hello, this is Kitty K.
I'm a homosexual man, and I'm going to be staying in your hotel with another man.
Hello?
Just stay here.
Yes, but I'm going to be sharing the room with another man.
Two men, and we're going to be in the same bed together
and have relations together while we're inside the hotel.
No, it's forbidden.
No, it's not forbidden.
What if I want a room for two men?
I have two men.
Okay, so let's say I'm going to pay for two rooms,
but he's going to sleep in my bed with me.
To the National Guard, the Republican Guard.
They see that the situation is a relation.
Maybe they will say to the government.
And what will happen?
They don't see.
Are you threatening me?
Well, I cannot suggest you to have a relationship in the room, but it's up to you.
You can go to your room and have a relationship, it's up to you.
There's no problem.
Uh-huh.
But maybe now the other person, you and your colleague, friend, and they make a problem for you.
Well, what if I'm naked with a man, like in the lobby?
In the room.
No, I'm going to take my pants off in the lobby and I'm going to show my penis to people.
Forbidden.
But what's going to happen?
What are you doing?
You can speak with my colleague.
I'm an American.
Okay.
Listen.
Hello?
Yes, who is this?
Who the fuck is this?
Yes, I command you to give me your name.
Yes, your service, a few gentlemen.
Listen, I am a homosexual man.
Would you speak Persian?
I don't speak that shit.
I'm an American.
I speak English only.
American.
And you're speaking American too, aren't you, stupid?
You stupid Persian.
No, I'm just taking English and a bit of English.
Okay, I'm trying to speak like an animal like you do.
Where are you coming from?
Where are you coming from now?
From Chicago, Illinois, United States of America.
Uh-huh.
And I'm coming with...
Let me help you.
Listen.
Let me help you, gentlemen.
Uh-huh.
I don't want to keep you on the line.
We don't, we cannot, and we're not allowed to give you the room,
and we can give you the room with the other person,
but we're not allowed to give you the room with the other person.
Well, listen, we're going to get separate rooms,
but he's going to sleep in my bed with me.
It's not possible.
What are you going to do?
The police will come and take you.
For what? I'm not doing anything bad.
Why? What are they going to do to me? Why?
This is the information that I have to give you.
I'm American, and I'm going to do whatever I want.
And you will do what I say because I'm American, and I'm superior to you.
And we're a superior race.
What shall I do? What shall I do to you now?
Well, you're threatening me that you're going to call the police on me.
And let me tell you something.
Don't put your hands on me.
You need information, gentlemen.
Gentlemen, you need information, I informed you that they're not allowed to give you the room.
Okay, what if I just stay in the lobby then?
Can I do that?
No.
Well, can I come to the lobby to talk to you?
Because there's a hidden camera and the candid camera, they will see you and the police will come and take you.
No, but I'm not, I'm coming, listen, I'm going to come by myself to the lobby to get the room for me by myself.
No, it's not possible.
Yes, it is.
Why are you refusing me service?
This is illegal.
Again, it's forbidden.
Imagine service in the lobby is forbidden.
What if I come down and I kiss you in the lips?
Me?
Yeah, on the lips I'm going to kiss you.
No, it's not possible.
Because I can, let's say, it's not possible.
Okay.
What about your, do you have a wife?
No.
No, you don't have, do you have a mother?
Do you have a mother?
Yeah, but I want to kiss your mother.
But I want to kiss your sister.
I don't have a sister.
Thank you very much.
I'm going to kiss your...
Shall I disconnect your line?
No, no, shall I disconnect your line?
No, you will not, no.
I command you to keep the line open.
But I can't.
No, I command you to keep...
No, I command you not to.
No, I command you not to.
I hear you.
That's awesome.
That's Iran for everybody, where it is forbidden.
It is forbidden for me to come and stay in a room with another man.
And it's forbidden for me to kiss the hotel clerk also.
It's forbidden to kiss his mother also.
How many fathers?
You're right, I should have asked that.
Well, we'll call back later.
That sounds fun.
That was Iran, everybody.
I want to keep asking about this.
I'm going to ask next if I can come with a woman who's not my wife
See if they'll say that's a problem
Don't kill me for that
Can you imagine what the Republican Guard would do to you
If you were gay
Got caught having sex with another man in a hotel room
Oh there are no homosexuals in America
Oh yeah
Actually isn't that what he said
Isn't that what Abdam and Abba Job said
They asked him
He came to America and they asked him
What about this
We hear about atrocities against homosexuals
And his answer was, we don't have that problem in Iran.
With that ugly smirker of his.
That fucking shit-eating grin.
Whoa, no, we don't have gays.
We do not have this problem.
Yeah, they're so good.
It would be a good place if they didn't have that problem.
No, I'm kidding.
That's not true.
That's what my mom would say, because she's Catholic.
Okay, we're calling the other hotel in Iran.
Let's see what's up with that.
I'll take a look.
See if we can get some numbers and load some loser also.
Cafe Paradiso in England.
The Little Yang Sing in England.
And the Passage to India in England.
Cool.
English.
I got some dashes in the number here, and it doesn't want to accept it.
Try that again.
Here we go.
All right.
Another hotel I ran.
11 cents per minute.
This is the Tehran Engelab Hotel.
Wish him peace and love.
Peace and love.
Peace and love.
Hello.
Is this the fucking hotel?
Shut up.
Cool.
Just a moment.
I remember we called Iran once, and the whole music was the...
I want to find that place.
I left my ass on it, so just a minute.
How's your son of a family?
Son of a bitch.
Hello.
Hello. It's I. I am an American. How are you?
Thank you very much.
Good. I want to wish you first peace and love.
You want?
Peace and love.
Peace and love?
Yes. Now listen, I need to make a reservation, please.
Excuse me, please, tomorrow morning.
No, no, no. Right now, damn it.
Now?
Yes, you stupid shit. Right now.
Tomorrow?
That's right. Do what I say. I'm American. You do what I say.
For what time?
What's the earliest I can check in?
Check in what date?
Check in? Check in today.
Today?
Yes.
At what time?
As soon as possible.
It's possible. I'm bringing someone with me. We're going to share a bed.
Time, please.
Huh?
Time, time.
One hour. Yeah, in one hour.
Okay.
Okay?
How many persons?
One room for two men.
One double room?
No, no, no. One bed for two men.
No, I'm coming with my... Yeah, one queen bed for two men in the bed together.
One queen. Okay.
No, no, no. Listen. Listen, jerk. I'm going to be in the bed with a man at the same time.
Tonight is one double bed. Okay?
No, I just want a single bed for two men, together.
No, one room for two men in the same bedroom.
Yeah, no, one room, one bed, two men.
No, one bed.
No, no, one room, one bed, two men.
room?
Yeah.
They just don't understand it.
One room?
Mm-hmm.
One bed.
One bed?
Yeah.
One bed?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and no pants.
Pants.
No clothing, no pants.
$120, nearly.
What?
$120.
No, I'll give you $80.
$80.
$80? I'm sorry, no $80.
No, no, I know how it works.
You Persians, you people give that.
You go high first and I go low, right?
So $80.
Each person, if you two pay each bed for one, $84.
No, no, no.
I'm going to sleep in the bed with a man.
And we're going to have relations, sexual relations, sex together
I don't know
Do you have sex with men? Do you know what that is?
Gay?
I'm sure I don't know
I don't know any person
Is there another English speaker there?
Put him on now
How many fathers do you have?
How many?
Fathers
Fathers, you
How many fathers?
How many Abba?
Oh, they're reporting me
Just a moment
How many Abba?
Starting an international incident here
America's calling about gay
How many father?
How many Abba do you have?
No, no, no. Do you have mother?
Do you have a mother?
Huh?
You don't have a mother?
No.
No, hang on.
Yes, you do. Mother.
You have mother?
You don't have mother?
Where's your mother?
Good asshole.
Abba, father.
What? What are you talking about?
Okay, good.
Psycho babble.
Continue playing your African American role.
All right, I'm looking for Iran further.
I don't want to get to the bottom of why they're so anti-gay.
I don't think it's right.
I think we should be friendly to the gays.
There's this gay man in Iran.
I saw a documentary about gays in Iran,
and they took this one gay guy,
and they took like a light bulb and shoved it up his ass.
I was like, that's horrible.
And he was crying.
He was like, eee, like that.
There are no gays in Iran.
There are no gays.
You're right, they don't have that problem there,
according to Ackermanijab.
It's a false documentary.
All right, let's see.
Yeah, it was.
It's fake.
It's made up by the United States.
I'm calling the Rifa store in Iran also.
I don't know why I'm calling it.
I think we're calling it Iran because it's close to the birthplace of Jesus.
That's why we're doing it.
Where was Jesus born?
Bethlehem?
The cost of this call is 11 cents per minute.
I should call that.
Hi, is this the Rifa store?
Yes, hello.
Is this the Rifa store?
I tried to call this place before and that's all they do is hang up.
Assholes.
They're very anti-American.
They're racists.
Why?
Why would they?
Why would they be anti?
I'm going to kick here.
We'll call another one.
Give me an eight, man.
Hey.
Can't dial around.
It's not letting me dial the Homa Hotel.
The Homa Hotel wouldn't let me.
I would fucking dial.
Fucking Christ.
Looking for another one.
Homa, Homa.
I should call and say, yeah, hey.
Isn't that the one I called before?
Let's see.
I'm going to go to my placed calls.
I love Google Voice.
Makes it nice and easy.
All right.
Should be this one.
It cost me 77 cents a minute, I suppose.
Pose.
All right, let's do it.
We have to do it our own kind of way.
We have to do it our own way, the experience way, right?
The cost of this call is 11 cents per minute.
Hey, this is the Homa Hotel.
Peace and love.
Calling the operator.
Please wait a moment.
Peace and love.
Peace and love.
Peace and love.
Peace and love.
Hello?
Yes, hi, what was that?
Gentleman.
Yes, sir?
This is the Homa Hotel, right?
Yes, it is.
So Homa stands for homosexual?
That's why I was calling.
No, gentlemen, listen.
This is the homosexual hotel in Iran.
No, no.
Yeah, this is...
This is the homo hotel, not the homosexual.
What do you mean, sexual?
No, I was looking for the...
I went on the computer and I looked for homosexual hotel in Iran,
and this came up, homo hotel.
No, no, that's right.
That's right.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I know we're confused,
but you're not going to report me to the Republican Guard, are you?
I give you information that you're not supposed to give you the room.
Information.
But just myself?
By myself?
I want to go to my room by myself.
That's it?
It's possible.
Okay.
We do it then?
It's possible.
Okay.
And then will you come to my room?
No.
No?
You're not interested?
No.
How tall are you?
I'm afraid of you.
No.
You're afraid of me?
It's okay.
Don't be scared.
I'm not going to hurt you.
I'll do it soft.
Anyway.
No.
Like when I do it to you.
You can get the room.
You can get the room.
Mm-hmm.
Allow.
Okay.
And nobody can enter to your room.
Okay, so just me, by myself, and you in the room.
It's possible.
In one.
No, not just for yourself.
Yourself.
Not with me.
How can I?
Where's your room?
Because I have boyfriend.
No, you're not married, though, you said.
Yeah, I married with a boy.
A boy?
They do that in Iran?
I didn't know they did that in Iran.
Really?
Okay.
I'm just...
Unfortunately, I don't have enough time.
How many...
I don't have time.
Let me ask you this.
How many fathers do you have?
How many fathers do I have?
Yeah.
I don't have any father.
You don't have a father?
I don't know my father.
I don't know my father.
Because your mother is a prostitute, right?
No, your mother is a prostitute.
No, why don't you know who your father is?
Maybe your mother is a prostitute.
Maybe that's why I like to kiss her.
Let me cut your line, huh?
No, I do not.
You don't do it or there's going to be trouble for you.
I can, but I can't.
But listen, I have you recorded saying that you have a boyfriend.
So I'm going to call the Republican Guard now and play that for them.
What was your name?
No.
What's your name?
My name is Hansen Taginagy.
Hansen Taginagy?
Yes.
All right, so I'm going to call.
I'm going to tell the Republican Guard that...
Hansen Taginagy.
At the homosexual hotel that there's a man that has a boyfriend, and that's you.
And they're going to come.
They're going to take you.
They're going to arrest you.
Because it's my duty to...
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
It is not the homosexual.
This is the homosexual hotel.
Uh-huh, the homosexual hotel.
Yes.
Yeah.
No, not homosexual.
Homosexual.
Well, why are you answering the phone, then?
If it's not the homosexual hotel, why are you answering the phone?
I don't understand.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
This is the homosexual hotel.
Okay.
So then I'm going to tell...
It's my duty to report this to the government.
That's what they tell me, that I'm supposed to report homosexuals to them immediately.
So I'm going to do this.
Let me be standing in line.
No.
I will not let you, no.
I do.
No.
Did you put me down for one bedroom, one bed, one room, two men yet?
You can come to the homosexual hotel.
You can come.
Okay, I'm going to come.
I'm going to come.
Okay.
And I'll come to your room.
I'll come to your room.
Okay, and you're going to kiss me?
You come, okay?
You come, I'll come to your room,
and show, I will kiss or you will kiss, okay?
Who's going to kiss first, you or me?
I will kiss you, and then you will kiss me back,
or you just want to see what it's like?
Homosexual hotel, everybody.
I didn't realize that I could have used that
the first time I called them.
The homo hotel.
Hey, is this little shit?
Why did I do that?
That was stupid.
Let's call the cafe Paradiso instead.
Hey, I don't know why you did that for.
You're supposed to say, hello, peace and love.
Peace and love.
I love you.
Peace and love.
I want some codfish fritters, man.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
Oh, you should have them.
I told you I never had them.
Codfish fritters.
Yeah.
Eat them.
Yeah, hi, woman.
Is this the place that has the codfish fritters?
Sorry?
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
How many spaces do you...
I need you to put me down for three spaces, please.
For three spaces tonight.
Mm-hmm.
What's the name?
It's going to be under Valente.
Sorry?
Valente.
So you're coming for dinner tonight?
No, no, I didn't say dinner.
I said I need some spaces.
You understand?
Spaces?
Yeah, is there a man I can talk to?
Yeah, one moment.
Thank you.
I appreciate it, because you're a woman.
You're messing it up.
What's the holdup?
I can help.
No, what's the holdup?
I asked first.
I don't understand what you mean.
I just wanted to find out how I can help.
No, because that woman is over there talking to you in the back,
and I want to know what she said.
Sorry, I don't understand what you mean.
Why is there a woman answering the phone?
Because she works here.
Okay, but she shouldn't be answering the phone because she's a woman, right?
Sorry?
I don't understand.
How can we help?
Well, I wanted to make an order, but I think that woman messed it up.
Oh, right, okay.
Yeah, she passed me to the phone because her English isn't her first language, so she asked me to speak to you.
Okay, she's stupid.
That's why.
No, she's not stupid at all.
Well, go ask her if she's stupid.
I think you'll see that she is.
So, I'm going to put the phone down now.
Thanks.
No, no, don't.
Yeah, it'd be funny if he did it, though.
Hey, are you stupid?
Well, he just...
It's not confrontational at all.
No.
Why do you think you have this?
I'm going to put the phone down.
All right, fine.
Asshole.
We'll call Passage to India.
They're like...
This one's in England.
I didn't know Passage to India is like such...
There's like five in Orlando.
They have the same thing.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
I'm going to talk about the Passage being blocked.
I'm going to describe my bowels to them.
Hi, is this Passage to India?
Yeah, hi.
Hi, I'm calling from your branch in Miami, Florida.
How you doing?
Hello?
Yes, hi.
I'm calling.
I went to the passage to India in Miami, Florida.
No, this is stupid.
Went to the passage to India in Miami, Florida.
I went to the passage to India, and now I've got like a blockage.
My colon, I got a colon blockage now.
Yeah, hi.
Do you have a colon?
Do you know what a colon is?
What if the passage gets blocked?
What do I do?
Shit.
I'm calling my bond shoot, and that's it.
Never done my hair.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
Hey, you hang up on me?
Bandu.
Bandu.
Bandu.
Bandu Banchot.
Banchot.
Banchot.
Banchot.
You are Banchot.
Yeah, Banchot.
Uh-huh, Banchot Gandu.
Banchot.
Uh-huh, that's you, you stupid monkey.
You dirty monkey shit.
Uh-huh.
So what?
Yeah, so what?
Because you're a piece of shit.
You're gone.
How many sisters do you have?
I want to have sex with all your sisters in front of you.
Yeah?
Yeah?
What about your mom?
Your mother?
Fucking shit.
I'm tired of that guy.
You heard him at the end.
He started making a funny noise.
Oh, shit.
Could have kept him on.
That might have been entertaining.
He might have fucking redeemed himself.
What an ass.
Starfleet 2, scout ship.
Will you please give me...
Shove it up your ass, Jimi Hendrix.
Why don't you do that?
Renaissance Manchester Hotel.
The Ramada Renaissance in Manchester.
Imagine that.
Give them a call.
Remember, call the hotel in Iran again.
Peace and love.
Peace and love.
The cost of this call is...
Two cents per minute.
Music for the rest of the day.
For the day.
It's because of that.
Thanks for calling Renaissance.
Peace and love, peace and love, peace and love.
This is Valente from the United States of America.
I'm calling to tell you peace and love, peace and love.
Hello?
Yes, hi.
This is Renaissance Manchester City Central Hotel, sir.
Yeah, I know.
I know it's a goddamn pizza runner.
Listen, I need one space.
Are you trying to make a booking with us, sir?
One space, yeah.
For one bed, one room, two men.
For tonight, sir?
As soon as possible.
Sir, tonight we'd like to connect you to our reservation department.
No, what do you do there then, you little monkey?
Huh? Huh? Monkey.
Monkey. Monkey, monkey.
Hello. Monkey.
Little baby monkey.
I love you, monkey.
I love you, monkey.
Monkey.
And that great comeback that they do when they just sit there and listen to the phone.
It's a UK classic.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
Me, me, me.
Good evening. Thank you for calling United Nations Manchester Hotel.
My name is Song Ha Man.
Yes, listen, monkey.
I need you to transfer me like you said you were going to.
and not just stand there with your fingers in your ass and not do anything.
Hello?
Oh, call him back and explain it to him again.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
Calling Nations, Manchester City Central.
Tell my name is Song, how may I help you?
Yes, ma'am.
I need reservations, please.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
Thanks for calling Nations, Manchester City Central.
Tell my name is Song, how may I help you?
Transfer the phone, damn it.
Hello?
Hello?
Please?
Asshole.
He just sits there.
Jerk that guy.
All right, so instead we'll call back Iran.
The cost of this call is 11 cents per minute.
Welcome to Omaha, this is Tehran.
Hey, operator, please wait a moment.
Yes, hello, is this Monkey?
Yes, hi, I need to make a reservation, please.
I was speaking to another gentleman there, and he refused to take my order.
Okay, may I have your name?
This is Valente.
Is this Valente?
V-A-L-E-N-T-E.
When will you come here?
In one hour.
And I need for two men, one room, and one bed.
Okay, that's right.
Is that okay if I split with one man?
Listen, who is this? Where's the other guy?
Yeah, but let me speak to the other guy there.
The jerk.
This shithead has gone to his room?
Can you connect me, please?
What time is it over there?
What do you want? What do you want?
Pretty good. I'm on the air right now.
I'm on the air right now.
Maybe if you didn't sleep until midnight or until noon, you'd know.
I messaged you when I went on.
I sent you a message when I went on.
I can't call you.
I have to go on the computer.
Yeah, like if I'm going to call you, then I can't call other people.
You understand?
Yeah, that sounds fun.
That sounds like an interesting conversation.
You got to get on the air.
Tuck and I are trading stories.
Yeah, are you taking a shit?
It sounds like you're making a shit.
Peace and love.
Peace and love.
Yeah, you're right.
All right, bullfrog.
I'm going to call you back on the studio line, all right?
Sounds like a bullfrog, doesn't it, on a cell phone?
He's like...
He sounds like he's just hung over his rock wine.
Let me not play the phone.
Kokanee's on the highway.
Holy shit.
It's a car accident.
That'd be funny.
He's on the highway with love, I hope.
Hey, big guy.
Hey, man, Kokanee's on the highway.
So he just sent me a message.
He's on the highway.
So what'd you get for Christmas, man?
What'd you do?
Get yourself a chicken dinner.
Okay.
Interesting.
Mrs. Santa Claus came over and cooked me a dinner.
Yeah, Santa Claus come over and rape you?
Mrs. Santa Claus.
Listen, we called...
That's good.
You got an escort.
That's awesome.
Listen.
Listen, I called Iran, and we were discussing about, you know, gay men being able to stay in the hotel room like we did before.
It was pretty funny.
You missed it, monkey.
Yeah, I guess.
For the warning.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Well, I sent you the same warning everyone else got, buddy.
Well, I'm not everyone else, am I?
Yeah, you pretty much are.
Look, I'm going to...
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I'm going to call a restaurant in England.
You stay on the line, okay?
All right, monkey, don't go anywhere.
Monkey!
Hey, are you getting any special way?
Milkman on the line with me here.
Hi, is this the Pithiraj?
Yeah, is that right?
How special.
Listen, I want to make an order for pickup.
Huh?
Do you have, let's see here.
Do you got tandoori chicken?
All right, put me down for that.
No, I don't.
Tandoori chicken.
No, spaces.
Spaces.
Spaces.
No, spaces.
Tendery chicken spaces.
You know I don't come in and order, I don't think.
No, no, no, don't be a jerk-off. Now listen, do you have Banchard?
Nah, you know what, forget it.
Do you?
Returning to main menu. You have no new messages. To place a call, press 2.
Or please enter the phone number you would like to dial.
Hey Milkman, ask him for Banchard, okay?
The cost of this call is 2 cents per minute.
I'm trying to clear your throat out or something. Like a bullfrog.
It's Reg.
Can I place an order? Can I place an order?
I can't hear you. I'd like to order a Banchard.
They can't hear you. Speak up.
I can't hear you, sir.
Banchot. I want to order a banchot.
Yeah, lamb chop with banchot.
Huh?
Banchot.
Turning to main menu.
You have no new messages.
To place a call, press 2.
Please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.
For international numbers, please enter 011.
Plus the number is 2 cents per minute.
Turning to main menu.
They just hang up.
You have no new messages.
I'm going to call Go Chicken.
To place a call, press 2.
Two, for good...
Please enter the phone number you would like...
Go Chicken.
Cost of this call is two cents per minute.
Yes,
hi, buddy.
Is this Go Chicken?
Yes.
That's good.
My partner and I are on the phone.
We'd like to make an order for chicken, please.
No, we don't do delivery, pal.
No, we're going to pick it up, damn it.
Excuse me, I'm in town. I'm going to come with my rental car machine. I'm from the United States.
Okay, what do you want?
I want one order of fried chicken. How many pieces do you have?
How many pieces do you want?
Five pieces.
Five pieces.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Okay, and then I also need an order of banchan.
Sorry?
I need an order of banchan.
Okay, one sec. Give me a bit.
It's us, right? Take my tagliata, please.
Yeah, hello.
Yes, please.
Sorry, what do you want?
Oh, no, why are people talking like that?
Sorry?
Why are people talking like that there?
Did you say, sorry, I didn't get you.
What do you want?
I need an order of five-piece chicken.
Okay.
And one banh chad.
Banh chad?
Yes.
What's that, Paul?
It's a sister fucker.
Are you banh chad, sir?
I'm not saying that you're a banh chad.
I go to the lamb shop.
Oh, sir.
Welcome to main menu.
You have no new message.
Please enter the phone number you would like to dial.
Followed.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
I didn't know they had fried chicken in the U.K.
Hello?
Yeah, hi. Why did you hang up on me, sir?
Yeah, listen, my friend.
If you want anything, come here and get it, okay?
We don't do delivery. We don't take any pickup order, okay?
Then bye.
No, what about Banchard?
They ain't gonna take it.
We'll call Dixie Fried.
Dixie Fried chicken in the U.K.
They're so stupid they spelled Dixie wrong, though.
They're trying to be Southern.
One of those fat cops just asked me if I'm happy.
Hello, is this Dixie Fried Chicken?
Yep.
Is this the real southern style fried chicken?
It's Dixie Fried Chicken.
Yeah, from the south of the United States?
That's where I'm from?
I don't know where it's from.
Well, what kind of style is it?
Can you ask the owner if it's...
Yeah, southern fried, yeah.
Huh?
Southern fried.
What kind of...
What is your recipe?
What do you put in the spices?
What is it, the herbs?
What do you use?
It's top secret.
It's top secret?
Yeah.
Do you use Bhenchod?
Sorry?
Do you use Bhenchod?
What?
Do you use Bhenchod?
What's up?
Banchot.
What's up?
Well, I'm asking, do you use that in the recipe?
Is that Banchot or Gondu?
Your mom, yeah.
No, no, no, your mom here with me.
Returning to Milkman.
You have no new messages.
To place a call, please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.
All right, Milkman, you order now.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
All right, Milkman, take it away.
Carlitos Fat Cock, what, ask what now?
It's a, hello, hello.
You're happy, ma'am?
Yes, I'd like to place an order.
Place an order.
What are you?
Hello.
Aw, Milkman, come on, man.
To place a call, press 2.
For Goog 411, press 3.
Come on, man.
Or to change your settings, press 4.
We're going to call the Pizza and Kebab House.
Please enter the phone number.
The cost of this call is 2 cents per minute.
Alibali.
Please.
That's the same as my number.
Alibali.
I'm having a little hissy fit.
Alibali.
Oh, the Albalal.
Yeah, the cockroaches place.
Yeah, we know the Albalal.
Okay, we can do that.
Sure.
Sure. Milkman, I've got to redial the Google line because we hit a busy signal, all right?
Don't go anywhere, man.
All right.
Bastard.
Hang on, everybody.
Yes, hi. Albalal.
Albalal.
Good, hi. Yes, son.
Yes, hello. I'd like to make an order, please.
Yes, say.
Okay, put me down. Do you have any beef curry?
No, only lamb and chicken.
No, well, I'll take the beef curry, though. I heard good things about the beef curry here.
No, only lamb and chicken, sir.
No, but we can make beef. Come on. Let's put me down for some beef curry, please.
No, nobody does beef on this road. It's a curry mile.
It doesn't matter, but I'll bring a steak. I'll bring the beef.
All right, then.
What about the papadums? Hello?
I have a word.
Hello?
Yes, hi. Is there any beef curry there?
Hi, my friend. How can I help you?
I was talking about the beef curry. That guy said he was going to offer me beef curry.
Beef is very hard to find. Only we do lamb.
Okay, now what about, I was talking about like papadums.
What?
Papadums, one completion of papadums.
Papadums, yeah.
Yeah, and the pillow, pillow.
How many of you?
Pillow, rice.
It's for two, two of us.
How many of you?
Myself and the milkman are on the phone.
Sorry?
Milkman and I are going to order here.
We want some pillow, rice.
And Papa Dam's.
What you do, my friend?
If you're coming down, we can sell the old for your lamb.
No, no, no, no, no.
Listen, I got to order it now.
I don't have a lot of time.
I have a Christmas party to go to, damn it.
You understand?
Okay.
And then I need one order of the bancha.
Lambchop?
No, bancha.
Sorry, but I think it's first.
It's a difficulty to hear you because...
No, listen.
to make an order for Banchot. Say again? Banchot. Banchot? Yeah. What is this? It's a food that
my friend told me to get. He's on the phone now. His name is, you know, uh, Sanjay told
me to order Banchot from you. That you had good Banchot. Uh, I think you got it wrong,
my friend. You have to first find out the exact name. No, but he said, he said that
there was a guy there that you are Banchot there, he said. Lanchot. No, Banchot with
a B. Banchot. No, they don't do it, my friend. Sorry. What about Banchot? No. What
What about Gondew?
Gondew?
Damn it.
Returning to main menu.
Look, Ben, you ready?
You have no new messages.
To place a call, please enter the phone number you would like to dial.
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
Hello?
Yes, hello, yes.
I'd like to make an order for the Bhenchod.
That's the guy from the call we did before.
Returning to main menu.
You have no new messages.
Please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.
Domino's Pizza in Lancashire, England, correct?
This is Domino's Pizza in Lancashire, right?
On Ashton?
Okay, good.
I want to make an order, please.
What?
No, no, I'm going to pick it up, damn it.
If you think I'm going to let a sexual pervert come to my house,
touch my underwear, you have something else going on, sir.
I'm coming to pick it up.
This is Valente from the United States.
This is Valente.
I'm calling from the United States.
No, no, I'm going to pick it up.
I'm from the United States, but I'm going to come pick it up.
Glad you would.
I'd like a large pie with liver and onions.
Returning to main menu.
You have no new message.
That was stupid.
To place a call, press 2.
Please enter the phone number you would like to dial.
Guess where I'm going tomorrow? Milkman?
The cost of this call is two cents per minute.
Even better, I'm going to Universal Studios.
Listen, I'm sorry, we got off to the wrong foot.
Can I get a make an order for a large pepperoni pizza?
I'm going to pick it up.
V-A-L-E-N-T-E.
One large pepperoni pizza with no sauce.
No, large pepperoni pizza with no sauce.
No sauce.
No base sauce.
No sauce, no.
And I want that.
There should be a discount because I'm an American.
Well, no, because I'm from America and Domino's Pizza is from America,
so you're supposed to give me a discount, 10%.
No, we don't, no.
You do that shit right now, son of a bitch.
No.
Yes, I command you.
Listen, I'm giving the orders here, you understand, boy?
Kind of.
Can I just check?
You're placing a carry-out, yeah?
Well, yeah, I'm going to come pick it up.
I'm going to get a discount, though.
I want a discount for being American.
Sorry, I can't do that.
Well, listen, listen, damn it.
The only thing I'll be able to do for you will be the carry-out special at 999.
All right, put me down for that.
I'm going to be coming...
I'm calling from the United States.
I'm calling from Chicago.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Okay.
So put me down for two of them, then.
Listen.
Okay.
Now, how much is that in American dollars?
To be honest.
It's 9.99 pounds, so that's like 50 cents, United States, right?
Honestly, bud, I wouldn't believe.
How about Euro?
I'm not too curious.
Listen, damn it, I'll give you Euro.
How's that sound?
No, we can only take pounds of sailing.
Well, no, this is Europe, though, and you can take Euro.
No, I'm far from a camp.
Am I calling Europe or not?
You're calling the UK.
No, so this is Europe, right?
Yeah, I suppose.
Okay, so then I'm going to pay with Euro and I don't want any shit.
I don't want any shit.
Listen, mister, I don't want any shit is what I'm saying.
I'm going to pay you in Euro.
You're going to take the Euro and you're not going to give me any shit.
No, no.
Yeah, you are.
I'll be straight with you.
I can place you out of here.
If you want to come and collect it, it'll be paid in pounds sterling.
No, no, no.
I can be serious.
I can put the phone down on you right now.
Don't you dare put the phone down.
I command you not to hang up.
Have a good night.
I command you.
I command you not.
You're turning to main menu.
You have no new messages.
To place a call, press 2.
For keys, enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.
The cost of this call is 2 cents per minute.
Sounds like some assholes making eggs over here in my house.
In your house or around your house?
In my house.
I think I might go in the car for a ride just to get away.
Listen, I gave orders there for that woman not to hang up the phone.
What's going on?
Right, the guy you spoke to.
No, no, no, the woman was...
Not the guy, I was talking to a woman afterwards.
Well, you haven't done, because that was my assistant store manager.
Oh, the female then.
The guy.
No, I think...
No, it was a guy.
No, it was a woman.
Right, all right, if you say so.
Anyway, right, you need to stop phoning up,
because you're really knocking me off now.
No, but I want to put the order in,
and I don't want any shit from you,
and I'm not going to be paying any pounds,
so I'll deal with banana money.
Right, well, hey,
we don't take anything apart from pound stealing.
We're in Ashton-under-Lyne in Manchester in England.
Do you know what the currency is?
manchester england palm sterling if you actually swear at me i'm just gonna hang up on you anyway
i'm not swearing anyway brother brother listen i'm not swearing returning to main menu you have
no new messages to place the call press two for good please enter the phone number you would like
to dial follow the cost of this call is two cents per minute are you not looking at your news
numbers thanks for choosing dominoes and ashton manning's time how can i help listen i'll pay
you in traveler's checks now this says here american express we don't take we don't take
American Express it's considered cash it's considered cash by the what by the
United Nations it says right here in the papers that I got with you son of a
bitch you're supposed to accept this all right yeah I don't think so me I'm gonna
report you to the United Kingdom that's fine you can report me to the United
Kingdom I'm pretty certain the United Kingdom won't really give it up well I
think they're gonna go they're gonna they're gonna take all your license
returning to the menu you have no new messages to place a call press 2 for
They won't give a toss.
They won't give a toss.
All right, we're going to call Iran back, okay?
We're going to call Iran back.
The Homa Hotel.
It's called the Homa Hotel, and I kept saying, this is the homosexual hotel.
The homosexual hotel, huh?
No.
Yeah, at the end, he's like, yeah, fine, fine, yeah, it's the Homa Hotel.
Okay, fine.
The Homa.
So listen, are you totally ignoring the news?
Returning to main menu.
Well, because that window's behind the main one, and sometimes I don't catch it.
Nunu needs to take it easy.
Is he angry?
Yeah, Nunu.
Please enter the phone number you would like to dial.
The cost of this call is 11 cents per minute.
Well, he sent me beef curry and albalow.
I did it.
That's the last one he sent.
Son of a bitch.
I think you hate me, Nunu.
It is.
Okay, he sent me one for Equality Networks.
Look, man, you're there still.
Okay, be careful.
We're calling Iran.
Be on guard.
Please wait a moment.
Forbidden Lombada.
Yeah, I was talking, calling about making a reservation.
Okay.
I'm gonna dance the Lombada, the forbidden dance in the lobby.
And I'm calling with my partner.
He's on the line now.
We're calling the, this is the homosexual hotel, right?
Hmm?
Hello?
Okay.
Is this shit for brains?
What do you mean okay?
Shut the fuck up.
Hey, hey.
Listen.
Hey.
Don't say that.
Why do you say that to me?
It's behavior.
What do you say shit the fuck?
Get it.
Hmm?
Fuck up.
Where did you munch?
Where did your monkeys learn to talk like?
Have you heard them?
Shut the fuck up.
Oh, shit.
It is forbidden.
It is forbidden.
No, shut the fuck up.
Milkman, I hung up on the Google line on accident.
You know what?
Milkman, I'm going to put you on hold.
I've got to pee.
I'm going to play some music, and I'm going to put you on hold when I come back on Real
Dollar Google.
All right, nobody go anywhere.
Give me like three minutes.
I've got to make a wee-wee.
Thank you.
We're still at Gigi's Pizza and Spaghetti House.
Eastside Mario's.
I'm trying to see where we left off.
A lot of numbers here.
Pizza, and then we did Iran.
Yeah, okay, China City's next in Lancashire.
Give me a second here.
Got that on the ball.
New Ham.
Are you China City?
I'm very well, thank you.
No, that's okay.
No, you didn't have to thank me.
That's okay.
Look, I didn't ask you to thank me.
You didn't have to go that far.
I don't think.
Returning to Maine.
You have no new message.
Asshole.
To place a call, press 2.
Please enter.
Oh, I missed out.
Let's call a random number then.
The cost of this call is 2 cents per minute.
Random call in the UK.
I'm kind of feminist.
That's what I'm understanding here, Milkman.
Milkman, you there?
Oh, shit.
Calling a feminist in the UK, Milkman.
Hello there, you've reached the Freedom Program, and I am around.
Please enter your security code.
Security code.
Please enter security code error.
Thank you for calling.
Aw.
Okay, so we'll call her cell phone then.
It's ringing.
Might as well use the minute.
The dead's on the phone with me.
The dead?
Beautiful.
Hello there, you've reached the Freedom Program, and I am around.
So if you want to leave a message...
So bad.
Hey there, Milkman.
That's beautiful.
All right.
let me call this
let's see what else
we got here
Pizza Hut
we got a Pizza Hut
in Qatar
awesome
Qatar
alright cool
that's nice and
awesome
they have pork free
pepperoni
I'm going to call
for pepperoni
yeah I guess
how would they do that
good point
27 cents
I'm calling Qatar
you want bacon
and sauce
that's right
hello
is this Pizza Hut
yeah Pizza Hut
sir
listen I want to
make an order for
pepperoni pizza
You want to place an order, but I'm sorry, sir, we're closed already.
No, but can I get some bacon, please? I'm hungry.
I'm sorry, sir, but we're closed already.
Are you married?
Huh? Not yet.
Do you have a husband?
No.
Okay, do you want to get married to me?
I don't have.
Okay, so how about... I want to marry you.
God will, sir.
What? God will? No, no, no, you and me. Do you have a vagina?
What about a vagina? Do you have one of those?
I'm sorry, sir, we're closed already, okay?
No, what about your vagina? Is your vagina open?
Sir, that's very bad.
No, but just answer yes or no.
It's a very bad question.
Are you a virgin?
It's a little bit of a virgin, okay?
Are you a virgin or no?
Can I talk to my manager?
Can you talk to my manager?
Hurry up, please.
Yes, woman.
Returning to main menu.
You have no...
Please enter the phone number you would like to dial.
Followed by...
The cost of this call is...
Twenty-seven cents per minute.
You have four minutes of talk time to this number.
No, man, no vagina there.
Okay, I think I'm...
Milkman and I talked about doing the whole
calling Walmart and shit the day after Christmas,
but we ended up just calling Best Buy
and getting put on hold
and made an international show.
You know what?
There's nothing wrong with that.
It was the peace and love show per Tuck.
Tuck, I like that idea.
Peace and love.
All right, Milkman.
Hey, so I'm sorry I didn't call you,
make a special exception to call the great Milkman
before I did the show.
Boy, that would have helped, wouldn't it?
No.
Yeah, I guess so.
Milkman, I'll call you in a little bit, okay?
I'm going to step out for a little while.
I've got to get out of here.
I definitely want to thank you
And everybody
Everybody for tuning in again
This crazy thing we call the Madhouse
You know why? Because we love you
That's right
Put on your Madhouse Mickey Mouse ears
Because we love you
We do it every week
We drop the dime, we just ask that you take the time
And stop in
Merry Christmas everybody
And Merry Christmas Armando and family
Thank you for letting me join the show
We love you
Hey man, thank you for being on the show every time
You know, I appreciate you
You know, the helping
And of course, you know, Tuck helps out I guess also
But you help out man
Very much, talk to you soon
Okay, cool
Thank you Tuck for being on also
That was Milkman everybody
I want to thank Lonesome Loser for sending in numbers
Also Nunu helping sending in numbers also
We had a fun time here
Sorry to cut things off so abruptly
But you know what, I'm a man
And a man does what a man has to do
I have to go over there and stick my dick in the mashed potatoes or something
I don't know, I just gotta go
Tuckermike.com
there it is
bye

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