You’re a Fraud!

You'll get no command, no papers, and no documents from me.

You're a fraud.

I have your papers right here.

You want me to start reading them to you?

I'm going to ring the police.

You're a fraud.

Show.

Radio.

January 1st, 2010.

Thank you, everybody.

We're talking to Milkman.

It's Carlito.

We just went on the air right now.

So you should wake up and join in.

That's him calling back.

Hey, Piggy.

Hey, I'm on the air.

You're on speakerphone.

Yeah, we're on the air.

Go ahead and get in.

I just went on now.

Just get in your computer machine.

Post-haste.

There we go.

Hurry up.

Do it now.

Excellent. That's Milkman, everybody. I just hung up on him.

Tuck's not around. Tuck has been fired.

Tuck is no longer welcome in our fold.

Big hi to everybody who is checking in with us in the chat room.

Everyone online, messaging me on the messengers.

Much appreciated. A lot of people up there.

Oh, yeah, we're on Cacti Radio for the first time tonight.

We're going to be joining them for quite some, oh, hopefully, quite some time, quite some time.

We've got a limited contract with them. No.

I was talking to RBCP, you know, a nice guy.

Yeah, they do prank calls over there at PLA,

Phone Losers of America, phonelosers.org.

And they have a shoutcast stream.

They do like-minded stuff.

They take stuff to a different level sometimes.

It's quite interesting.

Yeah.

We want to get into that.

We want to talk to RBCP on the air.

It would be nice.

But anyway, we've got to start doing our Tuesday night shows.

We've got to change that.

Because I'm not available anymore Thursdays at 10.

So Tuesday nights at 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

And I still haven't discussed it with Lonesome Loser.

Lonesome Loser, I wanted to ask you.

I guess I'll call it out in the air now.

Now, are you available 9 p.m. on Tuesdays?

Are you available at 10 p.m. on Tuesdays?

Are you available at all on Tuesdays?

That could be a problem.

We've got to make sure that we acquiesce.

We know what that word means.

Maybe I shouldn't be using words I don't understand,

but we should consider Lonesome Loser.

He's such a helpful guy here.

He's been confirming, giving me phone numbers since our very first show back in 2005.

Wow, has it been that long?

It's going to be five years of Madhouse Radio.

That's fucking nuts.

Five and a half years of this? Really?

Four and a half right now, I guess.

I don't know. I don't even remember.

so a big what's up to everyone listening to us here tonight whether it be for your first time

or not just go to our website madhouselive.com uh over at madhouselive.com my music is too hard

yo over at madhouselive.com check out the prank call section there there's a whole nice layout

i've added two or three new prank calls in the last week and we've uh kokadee and i have been

working on editing episodes are a huge backlog going back to originally to july and we've caught

caught up to october now he's finishing uh the last show of september the 24th i'm i'm finishing

up uh the last show of october the 22nd and then after that all we have is like two shows of

december and the podcast will be like just about caught up here pretty soon so finally um i got a

lot of grief about that but ever since i noticed a lot of people pretty excited about the fact that

episodes and pranks have been coming out again we have two podcast pieces prank call only featured

featured only prank calls in there that's the madhouse um prank cast and there's also just the

The Madhouse Madcast, which is just episodes.

It's just edited versions of what you're hearing right now.

The live show that we do where we do our best to do prank calls live.

It doesn't always work out.

It's off the cuff.

We just do what you can.

And I go with the good ones, the best of the best.

The really good prank calls out of all the attempts that probably fail or aren't as good.

And those are my official prank calls that are released in the prank cast.

And that's what most people look for is those calls.

It's always been the most popular feature of our website.

Anyway, I digress.

I'm expecting numbers here from Lonesome Loser.

Nunu's saying that some new law passed in Ireland that went into effect today.

I think it's like an anti-blasphemy law or something like that.

Like, it's a huge Euro fine.

I didn't know they used Euro in Ireland.

I thought they were still using whatever they used to use before.

I didn't know they were signed up in that whole scam, that pyramid scheme.

Nunu says to call my girlfriend in Cambridge.

Yeah, that's right.

I don't know the number.

What's her name?

Lonesome Loser might know.

Lonesome, you remember that lady, old lady we've called a few times?

What's her name?

We just played her prank a few seconds ago.

Well, not a few minutes ago.

go i have no idea what her name is i could look at the logs maybe lonesome has it uh we got numbers

here from last week we didn't get to we can also touch up on these are in uh international calls

for the majority of our listeners here's one in british columbia the meekong restaurant interesting

nina says i should tell her famous people who have died in 2009 that's right because they do always

freak her out calling about people dying i mean nothing you know we should have called her when

michael jackson died no no as a matter of fact i did call the uk because michael jackson died

We died pretty late in the evening in the UK, so we're calling older people in the UK.

Letting them know the horrible news that Michael Jackson had died.

Most of them didn't care.

It was really big in London, though.

I'm going to give a call here to this place called Shiki Sushi.

They're in Canada.

They should be open today.

Those Japanese are godless.

Call in, you can tonight.

Number is 407-459-4534.

407-459-4534.

Thank you.

It's not going to be that good of an idea.

We might want to stick to housing.

Extra residences tonight, since it is New Year's.

Unless we say the businesses we know for a fact would be open.

Let's try the Midget Market.

Foreign gentleman answered there last week.

Idaho Falls, Idaho.

Yeah, Andy, you don't live in Chicago.

You live in a suburb of Chicago.

You think you're all hard.

You're like an hour away from Chicago.

If you have to drive an hour to get to the center of the city you say you live in,

you don't live in that city.

Thank you.

Hello, what's going on there, good sir?

Is this the Midget Market?

The market.

Hey.

Hey, buddy, I wanted to know if you guys allow cigar smoking there at all?

Do you guys allow any cigar smoking there?

Is that cool?

Are you guys down with that?

Cigars?

No, I'm going to smoke the cigar. It makes me feel comfortable, a cigar smoker.

Well, but I'm going to bring a cigar, my own cigar. You understand? I'm going to bring a cigar with me.

If he's not on, it's all right.

I'm going to light it up and I'm going to smoke it right there. I'm going to cut it.

You guys, do you have a cigar cutter there I can use?

We don't.

Okay. Do they have ashtrays?

Well, what do you do there? Is this food or medicine or what's over here? Is this a front?

We sell cigarettes. They're packed cigarettes.

Uh-huh. But can I smoke a cigarette with you, like right there?

No.

No, I'm going to, though. I'm gonna come in and I'm gonna smoke a cigarette. I don't care.

No, you're inside.

Yeah, I am. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna start trouble with me?

And now we can call him back.

I'm gonna go and fucking smoke a cigar.

Right in his fat, pecky face.

Hey!

It's the gay milkman.

What's her name?

No, no, it's Merle. The old lady in Cambridge is Merle.

Merle. What kind of name is that?

Sounds just like her, though.

Shannon? There's a chick here named...

What does she do?

She's an actress, has been in a lot of movies, TV shows, and music videos.

Did I see the bad boys of Iowa? No.

Should I have seen them? Should I have noticed them?

Oh, yeah, bad boys.

It's him and his little brother who's even more of a boy.

How old is that guy anyway? What is he now, 17? 16, even?

Alright, so...

Alright, Shannon Woodward.

She played the role of Dee Dee Malloy in The Richies.

He's never heard of it.

Other past credits include Man of the House,

television series Law and Order, SVU, Psych, and The Quiet.

She also played Leah, the haunting of Molly Hartley.

It sounds a lot like crap.

She's been working in TV small roles on Boston Public,

crossing Jordan Malcolm in the middle without a trace.

So he's a shit actor, okay.

Which earned her notice of casting director.

She appeared in a series of local stage plays.

All right.

Accompanied British actor Andrew Garfield

to the British Academy Television Awards in 2008.

She sounds like a hoot.

We can ask her some naughty questions.

We can ask her some shit questions.

Like what the pinnacle of her career is.

She's a part-time cashier now at Tesco's.

Probably is.

Well, she's in America.

There's no Tesco's in America, is there?

Isn't that just a British thing?

No Tesco's in America.

Not a Walmart.

Walmart's cool.

We'll go to some Walmart at some point.

Milkman, you'll be there one day.

Hey.

Hey, big girl.

How you doing?

Hey, this is Valente.

I was wondering, is Shannon available?

I would like to have words with her, please.

Little Big Nancy.

Big girl.

I guess I was pretty stupidly really strong when I started doing that.

Apologize on my behalf.

But that's all.

No, no, that was an amateurish mistake.

All these celebrities.

We got off on the wrong.

He doesn't understand I'm the Jack Valente.

The undead ghost of Jack Valente calling in.

Actually have a stage name.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, that's true.

Actually, most of them do.

That may be your real name.

I have no idea.

Yeah, I got a New Year's...

there are vigilant researchers out there

in the chat. Maybe we could supply

that information.

Would be much appreciated. Absolutely.

Hey, Milkman, I got a New Year's tiara on. Are you watching my

video feed on the Madhouse side? If you're not watching

Madhouse video, you should be watching the Madhouse

video, motherfucker, where I'm

wearing a tiara. Oh, look at that. That is

cute. Milkman, I can't find my

sailor's hat, my pranking hat. You know, the world famous

pranking hat that brings nothing but love and joy

to our show? Yes. It's missing,

motherfucker. Something with the hats here on the

the show oh man i had the madhouse live um do what i always did ask chloe to look for it i

was just asking me k to look for something and you know they know where everything's at yeah

sure they are poor me yeah yeah so how was your new year's man what did you end up doing you get

drunk drinking some sake i presume oh i made a bunch of nice food uh soba noodles and today

Today, I'm going to have the ozoni, ototo, a bunch of good stuff, man.

Right, right.

I feel like we should show that to 2010, actually.

All right, well, whatever.

That means have a wonderful, happy new year.

In Japanese, of course, I presume.

Is that what you're trying to say?

No, I'm in America, you idiot.

California.

Whatever.

Okay, so get this right.

I'm going to call internationally.

I'm going to stick to international today.

I think we'll have better luck.

We should call Iran and see what they do for New Year's there.

We've got to call the...

It's the Homa.

Listen, man, you know the funny shit was last week we did that show and I...

What was it?

It's the Homa Hotel in Tehran, Iran.

And I keep calling it the Homo Sexual Hotel.

And the guys are...

At the end he's probably, yes, yes, fine.

It's the Homa Sexual Hotel, yes.

No, you cannot stay here with another man.

We'll get back to that.

That one dude is pretty funny.

And then we have that...

What's the...

Then there's that one in France.

The Napoleon.

it's good also i like calling them oh jesus yeah that was the guy uh bruno bruno

a bunny's liquor store in compton i think we had fun with them too that's here

anyway hey cool let's give them a call first a bunny's liquor store in compton maybe they

they got to be open a liquor store in compton never closes man nothing like a little bit of

the hair of the dog that bit you day after new year's eve down there and visit whenever i get

Get back in L.A., man.

Uh-huh.

A big blast.

I'll rip one for you.

The clock ticked fast.

That's what it's doing with the Reese from the store.

Oh, this is the two, uh...

Hey, what's going...

Hey!

This is Bunnies, right?

Listen, you charged me wrong on this bottle of liquor, sir.

Who's...

Oh, listen, asshole.

There's these two broads you got working there that...

What the fuck you say?

I said, listen, asshole.

Listen, asshole.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

Did you get that part right?

Hey, any problem, come on.

No.

The first problem is you're an asshole.

Fuck you, bitch.

Okay, that's cool.

I'll call him back.

He goes, that's cool, yeah.

You're off to a good foot there, man.

That's cool.

They're full-stroking.

Take it easy.

That's cool.

I have one of my style of pranks is I let anger out on society.

I'm just rude.

I don't like the whole planning and this and the story.

It's gay.

I just want to call and be abusive.

Or not abusive, just rude and nasty so that they lose control and transmit negative karma back to me.

Wrong charge.

Come on and say fuck you, motherfucker.

Other two.

Shut up.

Milkman, stop fucking talking over the fucking prank.

How am I going to edit that with your ass laughing?

God damn it.

It's a delay.

Stupid.

It's a delay, you idiot.

Damn it.

Piss me off, Milkman.

By the time it gets there, it's on delay.

And don't laugh.

You're not allowed to laugh anymore.

You just go, you say, ha.

That's it.

Once.

Ha.

That's it.

Milkman, when you want to laugh, you go, ha.

Get it, Milkman.

It's cool.

I don't care, man.

It's all right.

I'm just cranky.

I'm taking a pain killer for my bag.

I took one last night because my back was killing me.

the side effects it makes you angry apparently hey mushi hey move he just took the phone off

the hook man what did he say even i don't even know what he said he said a bunch of shit all

i heard was you laughing you motherfucker here get a rewind i can't rewind it now it's too late

asshole we're in the past that's what i'll call him back later don't worry milkman it's cool

we'll call him back later and you won't laugh ha and he's right milkman is so gay there's actually

you an episode of that milkman there's a beginning of a of a recent podcast episode where you read

i said you guys are so gay and you went yay on accident because you're a little delay you screwed

up and agreed with me you're gay a little delay all right we got that tin achille house hotel

they're in the republic of ireland fuck my ass i've got my name on the back the cost of this

call is oh my god cents per minute who huh cents per minute is it really i only got 60 cents left

Hey, are you Irish?

No.

Can you put an Irish on?

What's your ethnicity?

What is Arab?

What country are you from, sir?

Why? Who is asking?

Because I'm going to stay there, but I only deal with decent people, decent human beings, not animals.

So I need to make sure who you are before I talk to you.

Okay, if you consider me being an animal, then I think we don't need to talk.

Well, I'll consider you anything, yeah, because you haven't told me.

You're not answering my questions.

Where are you from?

I think that has nothing to do with our conversation, but how can I help you here?

Can I have your name?

What is the reason you're calling?

For a reservation, but I need to have your name.

I need it for my records.

I'm afraid there's nobody here to make a reservation.

So what do you do there answering the phone?

Listen, dammit, what can you do for me?

I can give you the information that reservations is available from tomorrow on again.

And what else can you do?

You just sit there and answer the phone?

Touch yourself a little bit during the phone calls?

I didn't understand that.

I think maybe, what did you just sit there?

Since you can't do anything, what do they pay you for?

To sit there and touch yourself all night?

It's really funny talking to you.

can you come continue yeah monkey i can all right good night you didn't like the monkey part

he asked me can i sit keep talking to him i said yes oh milkman no i'm kidding no i was i feel bad

about that i did get really upset you though for a little bit i was you know all right that was

the tinikili house hotel everybody hope you all enjoyed that where's my music again

i like that though you should do that milkman that's your new thing oh i'm gonna call the

bunny liquor store again.

Hang on, let me get back to my logs.

He said, Compton, California.

Engage. Still too early. Still too early,

Milkman. Or I could try from the 305

line, too. That's another option.

Where's the Homa Hotel? Why can't

I find it? Motherfucker.

God. I think I did

math. You did, man. The Homa Hotel

is sick. Put it in Iran.

Wash. We got a long

message here from Nunu. Let's all read that.

Hopefully it doesn't have any secret information.

The sexual preference.

Oh, hi, Tuck. How you doing?

A lot of background noise there, monkey.

How are you?

We only have a lot of humans on the air now, if you didn't hear.

Call your girlfriend in Cambridge.

Well, that's old.

What?

A. Halisawin, Balti, where cockroaches were found, has been fined hundreds of pounds.

Council Environmental Health inspectors discovered the infestation of cockroaches

at the Ali's Balti Restaurant in Storbridge Road.

Okay.

Officials closed the premises in October last year under emergency powers.

The premises was later cleaned up, allowing it to reopen.

Dudley Council prosecuted the case on December 7th.

The owner admitted three offenses under food hygiene regulations,

including not having adequate procedures in place to control pesticides,

no protecting food from contamination, and not keeping the food premises clean.

It was fined 900 pounds, what's it like, five bucks, in order to pay 300 pounds in costs.

processes uh a counselor cabinet member of the environment said food businesses have a legal duty

to ensure that they maintain their premises in good condition and comply with food hygiene

legislation at all times as inspections by environment health officers can take place at

any time and are unannounced well that's a great system great idea whilst we prefer to work with

businesses that secure blah blah blah anyway so nuni wants us to do a thing where we do a legit

order then have extra cockroaches okay good but what do they serve there what kind of food is

is this uh indian and i gotta know what i'm gonna order it's chinese japanese it says ollie's balti

i'm guessing they're uh i don't know i'm thinking you know go ahead yeah brown people middle eastern

middle eastern so i'll order some hummus some kabobs right maybe some pork in the kabob

let's get started i'd say yeah ollie's ollie baba oh hey look at this call look at my shirt

Two.

Thank you.

My shirt says Oli on it.

Motherfuck.

Awesome.

Our sponsor, please.

Are you on camera?

Yeah.

Yeah, sponsor.

Hello.

How are you?

Good.

Nice.

Just about to make an order, damn it.

Yeah, what would you like?

Let's see.

You got any curry chicken?

Yeah.

No curry chicken, please.

Yeah, one chicken curry.

Okay.

No, curry chicken.

Yeah.

No, but say it.

You say it like I'm saying, though.

Curry chicken, please.

Yeah.

I have a voice response unit.

You know, you've got to say it just like it says or it doesn't accept it.

You understand?

So.

Place an order.

Papa Doms.

Yeah.

How many Papa Doms?

Like two completions, please.

Two?

Two completions, yes.

Two complete.

Well, two.

Singles.

No, no.

I want completions.

Two complete orders.

Complete orders.

Yes.

You mean you want to order in two separate orders or?

No, no.

Two completions of the Papa Doms.

Singles.

Okay.

Well, give me two.

One, two.

Two completions.

Two should be enough, I think, for us.

Yeah.

Two.

Two Papa Doms, yeah.

Two completions of it, yes.

Okay.

And then, do you have a side of any pests, cockroaches, anything like that?

You want that?

Well, just on the side.

Yeah, I can put it on the side.

What do you have, beetles?

Yeah, I can put that too.

Okay, now what do you have? What do you guys have? Scorpions? Spiders?

You want that, I can also put that along.

You mean you're going to put it in a lawn?

Yeah, I can put that along, yeah.

Okay, and what about the fact that you're a banshut? Did you think about that?

About what again?

How about you being a banshut?

No, I'm going to insult you for having...

You have dirty food, banshut.

Okay, I can order your sister also.

Why am I doing that, Nunu?

Your turban is dirty.

Ha, good deal.

My guy was just too lip mellow.

Too mellow, not angry enough, Nunu, but good idea.

He didn't get upset, just didn't get angry.

We got the Clontarf Castle Hotel.

I feel like he's gotten a couple calls with that same nature there recently.

That guy?

Nah, well, speaking about the cockroaches and stuff, I'm sure, yeah.

Yes, sir.

All right, Domino's Pizza in England.

Did we call them?

did we see some weird shit

at Domino's Pizza

the last time

didn't we have like

three calls to them

I don't remember what it was

I just know we had a bunch

of weird wacky calls

at them I think

alright

I'm still looking

for the Homa Hotel

here's the Aquarius

remember we called

the Aquarius a lot

kept talking to that

old lady

forgot her name

big something

oh yeah

Dolores

big Dolores

Dolores

yeah yeah yeah

let me put some music

on here so it doesn't

all just sound

yeah wasn't Corey

working there

wasn't that the first

time that we met

cory fitman cory fitman yeah i had to fit on the phone i wish i had those edited already

not yet behind still do a find on here yeah i can all right let's do homo

hey you know everybody's talking about

the good old days right everybody the good old days the good old days there we go found it homo

hotel about the good old coming right up tehran iran have enough money for this the cost of this

call is 11 cents per minute you have four minutes of talk time to this number please wait a moment

hey monkey boy how are you doing how can i help you yeah i wanted to make a reservation for myself

and another gentleman one bed one room two men if you know what i mean okay you know you can call

I'll call the hotel five hours later, but the reservation department now is off.

So what do you do there?

Later you can call...

No, but hey, buddy, listen, jerk.

What do you do there, donkey?

I

go to the hotel and let them know about your reservation.

What about between me and you?

You mean me and you, you have a problem with me.

I know you do.

I can hear the anger in your voice.

You cannot speak with the reservation.

No, give me your anger.

Give it to me.

Turn your anger over to me, son.

I can feel your hatred.

Just do whatever, what I, I will later, to the hotel, the reservation department, make a reservation, and do whatever you want.

Is it, is it a trap? You're not trying to trap me. Did you talk to the Republican guard after our last conversation?

To you. You can come to the Iran, not.

Five hours, I'm going to be down there. I'm going to come in person and look for you. What's your name?

You can find me.

I said, I want five of your best Republican Iranian guards to fight me in the lobby of your hotel.

You can be sure. We are here to protect you.

You're a Republican guard.

When they come in, I'm going to fight them.

But you fight like a man.

I think you should.

There is no problem.

One at a time.

Like a man.

You understand?

No cheating.

No biting.

No eye gouging.

Okay?

No gasoline.

No drugs either.

Fight me like a man.

I promise you, no problem.

Okay, good.

Good.

Because I want you at the end.

I'm going to beat up the five Iranian Republican guards,

and then I'm going to come for you.

And you're the last one.

You see that movie, Rambo 2?

No problem.

One minute remaining.

Hey, I got one minute left.

You ever see that movie Rambo 2?

You remember Rambo went to Vietnam,

found out they were keeping the American soldiers,

and he flew back in the helicopter,

and he killed the Russians in the helicopter,

and then he came back for Murdoch.

Remember that?

That's what I'm going to do.

You remember?

I'm going to do that to you, man.

I'm going to land a helicopter,

I'm going to come up to you,

and I'm going to scare you.

I'm going to take the big knife, the Rambo knife,

and throw it down on the table next to you.

Because you're a chicken.

Okay, for you.

Yeah, for you.

Okay, good.

Good. You should train right now while you can.

I'm walking all the way. I'm walking from Turkey.

And we just ran out of funds.

Good, I got the last part in. I'm walking from Turkey.

Milkman, what do you think? Is that a ha?

Maybe a he.

Yeah, can I transfer funds?

I'm out of funds.

I'm out of credit funds now.

Eh, I don't know.

I think I can still call the UK, though.

I think I still have like 10 minutes left to the UK.

Let's test it out.

Let's call a random number in the UK here.

let me go to the log isn't mobile like way like double what it would be for domestic calling you

can yeah it's like 20 cents a minute versus two cents a minute it's like 10 times the price

actually right yeah it's very insane it's very ridiculous william jones that's in ireland that's

20 cents a minute i don't think we can do that one do that problem is a lot of domestic stuff

isn't really hopping right now david newell played mr mcfeely let's call mr mcfeely see what he's

He's up to.

E. Mr. McFeely.

David Newell, the real Mr. McFeely.

From Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.

See if he picks up.

We've talked to him twice, I think.

Bitches.

Trying to patch into it.

I forget what codes work.

It's all zeros.

All ones.

One, two, three, four.

That's all I remember.

Five, six.

Seven, eight, nine.

Why was six scared of seven?

You knew he was calling you a liar.

Liar why?

Does it matter he called you a liar?

You question your knowledge and authority as a host of a show.

Ireland said two cents, I think, not 20.

Yes, Ireland, not 20.

They say it's not 20.

Well, we'll try it.

Hang on.

Take it easy, guys.

Easy.

Yeah, but you said 20, so it's true.

Easy, boys.

Easy.

So you're questioning your faith.

I can find out.

You said 20 to 20.

I'm going to look at it.

I could be wrong.

I've been known to make a mistake.

I'm going to look at my place calls.

Compton.

It's today the 1st, right?

Okay.

Going back.

All right.

The start of the 1st.

Victoria, Idaho, Idaho, California, Compton.

Compton, Compton.

Alright, what's the number we called there?

The, uh, ends in...

It cost me 44 cents for a four-minute call.

So it's, uh, 11 cents a minute.

Yep.

Actually, no.

Bullshit.

No, that's a different number.

Hang on.

Coincidentally enough, it ends in the same last four digits.

We called the Tinakilly House Hotel, right?

That number ends in 274, I think.

Okay.

Two minutes long and costs four cents.

So it is two cents a minute.

Alright, fine.

Fine. Well, fuck me in the ass.

Okay.

All right. My bad.

Now I must call.

Let's see how many...

Let me see if it gives me at least ten minutes here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know if it's right up or not.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

You have three minutes of talk time to this number.

Oh, we got six cents left of juice.

Yes, hello, monkey woman.

How are you doing?

Is Mr. Jones there?

Pardon, who's calling?

This is Valente.

I need to speak with Mr. Jones.

William Jones, if I could.

Bill?

Calling.

Valente from America.

Yeah.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I need...

Who's that?

Well, I'm with Bank of America, Nation's Bank.

Yeah, and why are you ringing us?

Because he has two certificates of deposit here that have overlapped,

and he's due on some money here on his investment he made.

No, we haven't anything to do with the Bank of America.

I'm sorry, we have nothing to do with it.

Listen now, I need you to speak to William Jones now.

Woman, you put him on the line.

This is important business.

No, no, no, no way.

I command you.

Well, give me the command codes then.

Where are your papers?

You'll get no command and no papers and no documents from me.

You're a fraud.

I have your papers right here.

You want me to start reading them to you?

I'm going to ring the police.

You're a fraud.

I'm a fraud, ma'am.

You cannot do that.

Yeah.

No.

Yes, I am, yes, yes.

Okay, so listen, I'm going to start...

You're a fraud, okay?

I'm going to start with your social security number.

I'm going to ring my police.

You'll get no security number or no number from me.

It starts with a four, does it not?

You'll get nothing.

Goodbye.

I've got your papers.

verse should not have said i'm a federal agent that was a great oh slip of the tongue there

how dare her how dare she how dare her chris is a great carlito nunez says to say shit about the

virgin mary and jesus oh that's right i forgot the whole blasphemy thing what was that again

let me go back to that you send it to me somewhere you're fraud okay all right everybody moving right

along just want to give a reminder if you're listening to us here be sure to visit our

website madhouse live.com check out our prank call archives show archives um you can follow

Follow me on Twitter, twitter.com slash madhouse.

What's my what?

My cam URL?

If you go to the Madhouse Live, well, you go to madhouselive.com.

You click on the chat room, the chat room link, and you'll see the video right there.

And there's a link right underneath it to open up full screen if you want.

It's in the chat room over at madhouselive.com where a lot of people are hanging out with us.

We want to say what's up to all of them.

Also, keep in mind we're for the first time ever on Cacti Radio with our friends from the Phone Losers of America, RBCP.

He and I have been talking about joining up forces, and we're doing a dry run here.

I hope they enjoy what I'm doing.

It's a whole inside joke.

Dude, you got to, I don't know.

I haven't been, I think I heard my first, first time I heard about them, I'm going to say, was quite a while ago.

And I didn't realize they had, like, a podcast going on until, like, two years ago or so, I think.

Or, well, about a year, year, year and a half ago.

And I remember Turd Burglar and I used to call the phone bridge all the time, like, three or four years ago and stuff.

stuff but yeah they do they you got you got to go to it's uh it's phone losers.org is that that's

the site for the pla stuff and then uh cactiradio.com is the site for their shoutcast station

which we're on right now so the plan is i'll be doing a show and then um brad's got a show that's

that starts the phone show i believe it is right it's going to come on at 9 p.m well it'll come on

at midnight madhouse time we'll be doing 9 p.m to 12 midnight eastern standard time and then

he'll be taking over and doing his regular scheduled show right after us so it's kind of

of like you know we're i don't know what day is that tuesday nights tuesday nights i'm sorry this

is starting next week everybody didn't right not thursday yeah we can't do thursdays because i have

to i gotta i'm stuck in a class on thursdays now that ends at nine and i don't i don't feel

comfortable with having to run you know from school all the way here and set up the show i

will never make it by 10 and i don't want to start the show at 11 like we did a few years ago for a

while right right so tuesday nights 9 p.m eastern once in a while please let me know if that's

that's that works for you what time you think you can be in here no rush we can we can bullshit for

the first hour play old pranks and call old numbers new new can help out too we'll get

some numbers he said and uh if he isn't available immediately at 10 we'll have to see oh okay

all right guys so uh looking here for some uh more numbers to call if i get the right

window in front of me i'm in the mood for a fried bologna sandwich gentlemen think about that good

Good stuff.

Oh, yeah, with mustard on toast.

Hey, I might skip out here for a while, but that's what we're about to have, New Year's Day dinner.

Awesome.

You got to get going, or are you going to eat on the phone?

You should eat on the mic with us and stuff.

I'll see.

I'll see what's going on.

It's a southern, traditional, black-eyed peach, cornbread, green.

Oh, man.

Collards?

It's a traditional Tennessee southern New Year's Day dinner.

It's a lucky dinner you've got to have, a southern boy like me.

Nice.

All right, I'm going to take a break, too.

I've got to grab a sandwich.

But before I do that, we're going to call the Mizna's Liquors.

We talked to them a few weeks ago.

That's what I was confusing Bunny Liquors with that we just called.

Give these folks a call.

Would you try to call that angry guy at the cigar place, remember?

That talk about the Cohibas, the Red Dots?

Forgot the name of that place.

Funky, sir.

Is Galnico going to help you?

Hey, woman.

Is there a man I can speak to?

Excuse me?

Are there any men that work there?

No, for who you want to speak?

I want to know if you have a certain product, but I think only maybe, you know.

Are you reliable?

Like, you know where to find stuff there?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hold on.

All right.

She's looking for it already.

Hello?

Yeah, is this a man?

Is this a man?

Because I don't like speaking to women on the phone.

My wife doesn't allow me to.

Okay.

Okay, what's the largest quantity you have of, like, gin?

Of gin?

Yeah, the largest, and what's the brand name?

I got, like, the largest size.

Yeah, of gin.

I got Seagram's gin, half a gallon.

Half a gallon of it?

How much does that go for?

I got Bombay's, too, half a gallon.

Yeah?

Yeah, how much do you want to spend on it?

Well, you know, what do you got?

What do you need?

I got some bread.

You want some bread?

Seagram's is how much?

$29.99 for the e-grooms.

Uh-huh.

And I'm going to tell you how much the other one is now.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Bombay, how much?

$54.99 for the Bombay.

I'll take that Bombay.

I'm going to break you off like $50, all right?

Go back.

Hey, let me break you off.

Let me break you off a clean $50.

I'm going to go to the ATM, get out $40, and then my old girl's got $10.

Excuse me?

I'm going to go to the ATM, pick out $40, and then my old girl has $10.

Let me hook that up with $50.

No, there's tax included.

All right, I've got the tax, too.

I've got some change.

$54.99 plus tax.

Well, let's do 50 plus tax, come on.

And that's the dry gin and the Sapphire is $59.99 plus.

Oh, I'll take the dry gin.

Come on, hook me up with 50, come on.

$54.99.

Oh, what about the two, what about the two Seagrams?

No, go to the other one.

Hey.

Why?

What about the two Seagrams?

What do you mean?

Well, I'm trying to get your attention because I'm talking to you and you're not listening to me.

Okay.

How do you get the...

Don't scream at me.

Listen, how do you, what about the two Seagrams?

What about Seagrams?

How about two Seagrams for $50?

Two Seagrams?

No, there's...

How about a big Seagram's and you get, like, a medium Seagram's?

Yeah, I got a medium Seagram's.

Listen, I want as much gin as I can get with $50.

So you got to make a combination.

Figure out I'm going to write a check for $50 exactly.

No, we don't take checks.

Are you insane?

Well, then I got to go to the ATM.

Yes, go to the ATM.

Do whatever you have to do.

But why?

They charge me.

They don't take checks, and they were charging tax, and we don't take checks.

Do what you got to do.

They charge a fee.

Help me out.

I want to make it even $50.

No, I'm helping you.

take out the money i got okay i'm gonna get 50 cash all right and what do you want me to do that

well let's let's make a combination to get the maximum amount of that i can get you how much

is a half a gallon of seagulls gin yeah all right and look at a seagulls gin how much is that give

me one second together how much is both of them both of them together 21 no forget you don't have

enough you got 50 dollars you can get a half what's the next smallest one then what you got

you got you got a pint you know what i got a pint for 10.99 you can get a pint for 10.99

All right, what's...

$79 plus no checks.

That's it.

Cash or credit card?

No cash.

No...

All right, so that's...

How much is the tax then?

Like, ring it up.

Ring it up real quick

and then print the receipt

and I'll come and I'll pay that

exactly to the penny

because I'm...

A half gallon of Seagulls gin

and a pint of Seagulls gin.

Ring it up.

Let me know how much it is.

All right, and then

how much is the cigarettes?

There's no cigarettes here.

Oh, what about...

You got, like,

small to small airplane bottles

of Bacardi?

Yes, I got small airplane bottles

of Bacardi.

All right, well,

how much do those go?

though? How much is it? Cuanto vale los nips de Bacardi? $175. All right, so add like how many

plus I can get for $50 even? Like how many? Like one or two, you think? What was his total right

there? $43.64. What was the total right now? $44.20. I got one. $44.20, right? Yeah. And two nips,

$1.75 each. That's $3.25. You can get two of them. You're going to hook me up with two? All right.

All right, but what about the taxes, though? There's tax on that, too. Well, you get the

little bit attached 47 70 all right how much is it with three 45 all right so i got a gallon and

three little ones all right so i got 55 i got 55 cents you got 55 cents for yourself you got candy

or what you got what you got some candy what can i put no liquor store yeah but i got i got a check

for 50 dollars so come on you know what forget it forget it you want the delivery yes or no

how much is delivery 55 cents do you want the delivery yes or no yeah but i mean is it 55

$0.55 for delivery?

No, it's free.

Oh, but I'll tip him $0.55, right?

I don't care what you give him for a tip.

That's up to you.

I really don't give a shit.

Do you want to deliver?

Hey, wait a minute, buddy.

What did you say?

You want the delivery?

Yes or no?

No, you said bad word.

Yes, I don't give a shit.

You know what?

Fuck you, you fucking monkey asshole.

All right.

You son of a bitch.

He's a dick.

I want to take the fucking delivery.

Yeah, okay.

You going to do delivery?

Fuck you.

Listen, for you, I don't got time.

It's $1,600, Pennsylvania.

That was worth it.

That was kind of funny.

Why don't you give me a...

I think you got it.

What's up, man?

How much would you do?

Oh, funny.

Hey.

All right, we got more numbers in Ireland.

We got a lot of stuff we can do here.

We got a lot of ideas running around.

I think it's time to call back to Homo Hotel.

Yeah, I think so, too, but I'm out of money, son of a bitch.

Anyway.

Oh, this is the first one we called and hung up on us.

That liquor store.

Oh, the first one.

Bunnies, yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what.

I'm going to take a break.

I'm going to play one or two prank calls.

We'll take a break.

Come back.

We'll do another hour show.

We've done one hour.

We'll come back and do another hour, right?

Good.

Yay.

I think it's a good idea.

I hope we'll be back before you're in.

I will.

You got it, buddy.

All right, so what can we play, Milkman?

What's to do?

Show you all the titties in the meantime.

Let's take a look here.

Show what pranks we haven't played in a while here.

something that pops up at us i need the natters to play that too much dr nargis is here it's always

this time last year i don't know i don't know the dates like that christmas history yeah didn't we

have that one christmas song where like we the old guy was in the nursing home we saw him on the cam

practice and the stoppers are off right a couple christmas ago yeah yeah yeah we'll play that it's

only a minute something long all right cool well here we go uh folks i'll be back in about five

Five, six minutes.

Enjoy these prank calls while we're gone.

And be sure to visit the man's house over there.

Hold on.

I'll give it to your dad.

Thank you.

Hello.

Santa.

It's Santa.

Hi, Santa.

Is that you, Mark?

Yeah.

How you doing?

This is a phone call I don't need.

I'm sorry for what happened.

You mean what happened?

I'm sorry about what happened.

To me?

Yes.

Okay.

That's nice of you.

Thank you.

We're going to come bust you out.

Okay.

Okay, when can you have your stuff all packed up?

When can you pack your stuff up?

I can't hear you.

When are you going to pack your stuff?

Okay, the practice of the stoppers is off.

The stoppers are off?

That's good.

Very good.

How are your teeth doing, sir?

They're doing fine.

That's good.

Well, Santa's going to come.

He's going to come bust you out.

Okay, thank you.

No, but you want to come out, don't you?

I'm sorry we put you there.

Bye-bye.

Okay, that was fun.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fucking penis!

Yes!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Grits.

Hey, grits and grits, right, sir?

You got it.

All right.

Yes, sir.

So you're going to make up your mind or what?

Make up my mind about what?

Is it grits or is it grits or is it liquor?

It's grits.

So I can go in there and get some grits right now?

You got cheese grits or ham grits or what?

We got them in the pack.

You can buy them and take them home and cook them.

Fuck that shit, man.

I don't want you to make my grits for me.

We don't make grits.

Then why do you have grits in your first name?

Yourself.

Asshole.

Why are you asking so damn many questions?

Because if I'm going to drive down there and not waste my gas,

I'll tell you what, gas is expensive there, old boy.

Sure is.

Yeah, well, it is.

Well, shit, I think it's false advertising you say that the first thing you sell is grits.

I ain't got time to listen to all this bullshit.

What you want?

How do you make grits?

If I go down to get a pack of grits, you eat grits, fat boy, or what?

Yeah, I eat grits.

All right.

How am I going to make it?

water? How do I do it? You can do them any way you want to. You're a fat fucker, aren't you? No,

I ain't fat fucker. I'm a pretty good fucker, though. What did you just say to me? I'm a pretty

good fucker, though. How dare you talk to me like that on the phone? I dare you to talk to me that

way. You just said the F word. I'm just calling for some grace. Who the hell is this? This is

Bo. Who? Bo Steen. Bo Steen? Write it down, you fat fucker. Bo Steen. How do you know I'm a fat

Because I can hear it in your big, fat, wally-ass voice.

What can I hear in your wally-ass voice?

You hear it.

I hear a bunch of bullshit.

That's what I hear.

I'm going to go down there and make you eat my shit out of my ass.

I got a damn 38 that says you ain't going to make me do a damn thing.

Oh, I got you on tape threatening me.

It's over.

You better give me some free liquor.

I ain't giving you shit.

Well, I'm going to go down there and give you some shit.

I'm going to punch you in the mouth, you fat redneck.

I'm going to go down there.

You're going to make me some grits, and I'm going to have sex with you.

How are you going to go down there?

I ain't down there.

I'm up here.

Because I'm up here north.

I'm in New York.

Oh, who is this?

I told you, my name is Bo Steen.

I don't know Bo Steen.

I'm a good old boy from town, and I'm going to go down there.

You're going to make me some grits.

What?

Which town?

That don't make no bail with me.

You're such a good...

You're a damn lying son of a bitch, too.

You're a stupid cock, and you're a liar.

Hey, if you don't tell me what the hell you want, what you called me...

I want some grits.

I said G-R-E-T-Z.

I told you you could go to the grocery store and get...

Grits from your place, because your place does grits.

I ain't going to tell you none.

I don't like your attitude.

You don't even know who I am.

I'm going to go down there and force you.

Well, I said I didn't know, and I'm fixing to hang up.

These two, if you don't know them, they're going to make it for me for free.

Then they're going to have anal sex with you.

No, you're not having no anal sex with me.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

No, you're not.

It's going to be just like when your cousin was in town.

What cousin?

Your cousin, girlfriend, mother, sister, wife.

Who?

Your cousin, boyfriend, mother, sister, wife, cousin.

You can go to hell, too.

You can go to hell, you damn Republican.

This is Bo Steen, I said.

Bo Steen.

I don't give a damn.

I don't know Bo Steen.

What's your name?

We lost him.

Yes, hi.

I was wondering if you'd like to make a donation to the homosexual movement of South Carolina.

What did I just get through telling you?

That you wouldn't make me any more.

I don't want you to call back here anymore.

Look, boy, I'm going to have sex with you.

Don't call me no boy.

I ain't no boy.

I'm old enough to be your father, boy.

Yes, hello.

This is Dr. Nargas.

May I speak with Don Carlos, please?

Yeah, this is Juan Carlos.

Juan Carlos, this is Dr. Nargas. How are you?

Cute.

Hey, fuck you, man. Come on. Come do my painting for me, please.

You gotta be fucking shitting me, you fucking stupid-ass, dumb-ass, fucking whore-ass doctor.

Is that all you know how to say to a doctor? You know I'm the man of the call.

Yeah, shut the fuck up. You probably gotta be a fucking beaner to be doing this at this fucking time.

Hey, man. My shoes cost more than you get paid this week.

Shut up, you fucking, crimey ass dick.

How much you get paid this week?

Bitch, when you ask me.

I'm a doctor, how is that possible?

The doctor paint a picture for you, you fucking dumbass.

Look, I'm a bad doctor, I do bad things.

I know you're a fucking bad doctor, you fucking like to stick your finger up your asshole.

I do, and then I make this...

You do the fucking prostate exams to yourself.

I make people smell my finger.

Yeah, go suck a dick, bitch.

Dude, how much is it?

How much is what?

Your dick.

My dick?

How much is it, how much?

It doesn't have a price for you, you fucking gay queer bastard.

I'm a gay queer doctor and I make abortions.

Yeah, why don't you go fuck his black dick?

I don't have to, but you don't tell me what to do because I'm a doctor.

Tell you what to do? I tell you to go suck a fucking dick, motherfucker.

How many times are you gonna say that word, man?

What happened?

You don't know anything else to say?

Yeah, I can tell you I'll fuck your mother.

Yeah? How many times are you gonna fuck her?

Hold on a second.

Okay.

Hi, this is Dr. Nadegas and someone was calling me here making bad noises.

Yo, man, it's me, motherfucker.

What the fuck are you calling me this time for?

What do you sound so high for, man?

Is that all you do?

You sit around drinking Corona, painting houses, getting high for madness?

Yeah, motherfucker.

How you money make, man?

Excuse me?

How you money make?

How I make my money?

No, how you money make.

How my money make.

How you money make, stupid.

It's not that hard to listen.

How you money make.

You must, man, you're a bad, you smoke, you sniff the paint.

I think you put a straw in the paint bucket and you drink it, man.

Yo, why don't you go suck a dick if you can't even fucking spit?

My homie already that, and I said, I don't do that because I'm a doctor, man.

If you're a doctor, prostate exam.

Go to a prostate exam?

Yeah, or stick my fingers up your fucking ass or you fucking doctor.

I tried that for you right now.

You ready?

Yes.

Okay, hang on.

Listen, listen, you ready?

Yes.

Oh, man.

wait. Doctor who?

Nadegut.

Nadegut?

Yeah, Dr. Narga.

Yeah?

Is that a real Dr. Narga?

I don't speak that language, man.

What the fuck do you speak?

I speak English like America, man.

I speak American.

No, you definitely don't speak American.

You got the words.

This is America.

Tell him to stop speaking Spanish in the background, man.

He said...

You speak American only in my country, man.

It's not American.

It's English, you stupid fuck.

Yeah, he's speaking AI, no se que habla, habla espanol, speak, speak American, man.

Aguardiente, yeah, man, Colombia, man. Aguardiente Cristal, man.

This is fucking Fabian, yo, I know it, I'm telling you.

Yo, what's up, man?

Yo, you fucking Colombian bitch, you fucking Fabian Malparido de Buenos Aires, ese tipo de puta.

Fuck you, yo.

You too.

Your, your, your sister's hot, man.

I got a sister, you don't.

You don't anymore, I took her from you.

Remember, they're not doing what I do.

Yo, man, you coming over?

You coming over, man?

I've been over for a while, bitch.

Oh, come over, man.

Yeah, whatever.

Dr. Nargas.

Dr. Nargas, man.

Fabian Nargas, man.

Hey, this is Fabian.

Yeah, man.

Let me talk to him.

Okay.

Yo.

What's up?

What's up, man?

My bad.

I was just playing with you.

Huh?

I was just playing with you, man.

I'm much, man.

Yo, you pissed off at me?

No.

Yo, you got any of that weed?

No.

Since when you don't got that weed, man?

I don't have weed, man. I don't smoke weed.

I can sit around sniffing paint all day, man.

What?

What? Huh?

Hello?

Okay, man, I'm gonna go.

Huh?

I'm gonna go.

Alrighty, and I'm back.

Sent myself a hot toasted mashed potato sandwich, Milkman.

And back to the prank calls, everybody. Madhouse Live.

Live.

It's New Year's Day, 2010, January 1st.

707 p.m. Eastern by my clock.

I'll make it 407 on the West Coast.

Hope you're all enjoying yourselves.

sales. We've got a pretty good amount of listeners

for a holiday day. If you're listening, be sure to tell

everybody you know and everybody you trust to join

us here. Listen to us over at MadHouseLive.com.

Of course, also on CactiRadio.com.

Be sure to note that we're changing our show start

time to 9 p.m. Eastern

Standard Time, 6 p.m. Pacific, starting

this Tuesday. So you don't have to wait a whole

week for a show. The next one should be on

Tuesday night. Going back to the

numbers that we have here. Let's take a look. Numbers in

Ireland. I can't dial them. I'm out of

phone card minutes. Let's stick to

It's domestic for now.

Let's go ahead and call that Bunny's Liquor Store again, though.

Look, man, you're on mute.

What's wrong with you?

They're not answering at all.

Shitballs.

I need a napkin.

I got to open a beer, but my fingers are so cold.

All right.

If I try to open the beer like this.

There we go.

I need a little napkin help.

I got myself two McLights.

Say what you want to say about McLight.

I love the beer.

I got kind of upset.

McLight is like my favorite.

Not my favorite beer, but it's like my standby beer.

I love McLight.

I like the taste of it.

It tastes good.

I like McLight.

It's a good beer, if you ask me.

Problem being is it's harder and harder to find when you go out.

When you go out for make...

I don't have anything wrong against dark, but I like light beers because there's less calories and I'm diabetic.

I'm trying to keep the carbs down. It helps out.

Yeah, but, you know, isn't that kind of racist? You know, only picking the light?

I didn't say white. I said light.

I made my awesome spinach dip for yesterday. I'm having some of the leftovers right now.

It's cool because I take this...

Oh, that's what that was in your teeth a little while ago.

Oh, yeah, I was picking my teeth. Yeah, I had some spinach in there.

So, yeah, big what's up to everybody.

See, Andy's in the house.

What's up, big guy?

Let me op him.

Maven is showing up.

Showing up for titties.

Always nice.

New Year's titties, as a matter of fact.

Maven sits there one year older today.

RBCP's in the house.

Brendan.

Well, it's a loser of courses here also.

Nuno, et cetera, et cetera.

All right, Milkman.

Let's go ahead and get back to this.

You know, I got a request of pranks from the website also submitted via our form system.

Be sure to use that if you get a chance.

If you want to submit a prank request, send that to me.

I'll get it right to my desktop.

stop madhouse live.com and click on the request a prank button pretty easy to do and it's free

and anonymous motel six in oklahoma city west the deal is here zero number i did i had zero

even for the operator i didn't make reservations uh need spaces man spaces casinos never closed

do they we can call them again that's true here's another number columbus me sundown motel older

woman answered it's called this old brown get to it once i'm done drinking my beer bitch yeah hi

Hi, I want to make spaces there.

What?

I want to make spaces over there.

Spaces?

Yeah.

What do you mean, rooms?

Yeah, spaces for me, with a toilet inside of it.

Use a bathroom.

I don't know what you mean, sir.

They have toilets there, right?

You have toilet there?

Toilets?

No.

No?

No, not a public one.

What, you don't have any toilets in the rooms?

Well, sure, but you can't get in the room to use the bathroom.

But, I mean, is it being used or something?

Yes.

By who?

By a lot of people.

I don't know what you want, sir.

Well, what if I get the room?

can i use the toilet inside the room sure if you get a room uh-huh so i just want to get the

toilet only there's a ices in here and you have a refrigerator and a microwave in the room already

anything else let me know number four yeah what does it want do you want sir number two what number

two number two uh-huh what do you mean i gotta i need number two two you have you have number two

two there? Is it open? No, I don't have any rooms that are available publicly. No, but

I want to get the room, but if I'm going to get a room, it's for number two, you understand?

Room number. Well, sure, but you're going to pay $39.95 for a room? Yeah, but I'll tell

you what, what about just for, I just want the toilet, that's all I need, so how much

is it? Yeah, I know, I can't let you have that, sir. How about $15 for toilet? No, I

can't let you have that. So is it going to be $39 for toilet? $39.95. How long?

Why don't you go to a gas station or something?

That's dirty there.

You people clean toilets, right?

Is it clean?

Well, of course it's clean.

That's why I want to use your toilet.

Clean.

But it's going to cost you 45 bucks.

And then how many times can I use the toilet?

What are you talking about?

This is silly.

No, but really, if I come in, is there a limit?

No.

Okay.

What about water?

Can I...

I just want to turn...

No.

I want to turn the...

I'm going to leave the water on the whole time.

Yeah, I bet you will.

Hot water only.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Excuse me.

I have one last question.

I'll leave you alone.

Damn it.

All right.

I'm going to use the toilet, everybody.

Yeah.

New Year's Spaces Machines.

I don't know where the spaces thing came from.

I really...

Where did it even start with me saying spaces this, spaces that?

I don't know where the...

You were just, like, rambling one night, and then the person started asking about it, and

then you started using it.

It was all after that.

I don't know where it was.

It was to the UK, wasn't it?

Didn't we call one of those Walmarts in the UK or whatever they're called?

Well, that was machines.

Machines.

That was machines.

That's what that stated.

Machines was that whole...

Or television clothing.

I think it might have been television clothing, too.

Wasn't that a wacky one that we were doing weird shit with?

I think so.

TV clothing.

Excuse me.

Let me see.

All I know is when you start asking for it,

it's music and video department

because I got to run the department.

Sorry?

Is there anybody in the television clothing?

What is it?

Sorry, if you hang on a second.

Hurry up.

How can I help you?

Well, I asked you if there's anybody

in the television clothing department.

And I asked you to hang on a second.

I was telling them the music thing.

And then you remembered, and then you asked me again, I mean, what is this?

What kind of way of business is this?

Your destination number, now.

Did she say, welcome to Belsick Oven?

Welcome to Belsick Oven.

You put it in a thing.

Madam, I would like to apologize for my previous transgressions.

I am not the person you spoke to before.

Okay, well, I was rude to her, and I would like to apologize to her, but can you help me first?

I'll try, yep.

Okay, well, the issue is I'm looking for television clothing.

I was looking for the person in that department and she kept asking. She's like what what you know

She kept asking the question again and again

Clothing clothing ma'am for the TV for the television you twit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry

No, no, no, come on. I'm sorry. Come on, baby. I'm sorry. Damn

You'll have to go to know what department this was shit royalty rates

The problem is the new rates amount to over 100% of even the most successful webcasters' online radio revenues.

Hello, Judge Colvin.

Hey, is this the lady again about the TVs?

And TVs?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're in the home later.

What's her name?

No, y'all have had that conversation before.

What the hell, ma'am?

What is your location inside the store, please?

These people just sound like these people. They're sick.

Assholes.

They think their shit doesn't stink.

This means unless the rates are checked...

Good morning, I'm the governor, David Pickens. How can I help you?

At once, finally, I speak to a man. How are you, sir?

Hi, how are you doing?

I just, I don't, I can't stand the fact that you, this country, you people have women working in stores like this calling the shots, you know?

Who's that?

I've been hung up on twice by these women.

Who is this calling anyway? A customer?

Yeah, I'm a customer. I've been calling in.

I purchased something, and I need to come pick it up, and it's television clothing, and I've been asking for that department for a while, and every time I ask for television clothing, these horses-ass women here, you know, they don't understand what I'm talking about, they hang up on me.

Well, let me find out who's answered the phone, then.

We'll find out. I need names and badge numbers, please.

Names and badge numbers?

Please, if you can.

Well, I'll need to find out who you spoke to. How can I help you, anyway?

Yeah, well, I'm looking for television clothing. I said I made a purchase about two large television clothings and I

Clothing clothing. Yeah television clothing. Yes, sir. Television clothing. Yeah

I don't know. I don't know what you bastards call it here, but if we call it television clothing back in the states

What television clothing? Is that just ordinary clothing? Yeah, whatever. It's for the television man the TV the telly

What do you guys call it here the telly machine? You know, it's how much you call TV the television machine

The tube.

Television machine?

Not the television machine.

Yeah.

You got a television machine there?

Nope.

It's got a TV, but not a television machine.

That's what I'm saying.

We call it a television machine, man.

What are you talking on right now?

What are you talking to me on?

I'm on a telephone.

No, no, no.

The telephone machine.

Uh-huh.

Exactly.

Telephone machine.

An answering machine.

Telephone machine, man.

What you got?

An answering machine.

What's in your hand right now?

What are you holding?

A telephone.

Telephone machine.

Well, we call it an answering machine.

No, no. It's just a machine.

Yes. Well, can you tell what you're looking for then? What are you looking for?

How do you get to work in the morning?

I don't know. Same problem as you, by car.

Yeah? Well, it's the car machine, you know?

Uh-huh.

You take the car machine.

Uh-huh. We call it a car.

The car machine. No, no, but it's a car machine.

We call it a car.

Yeah. Well, I don't care what you call it, man, but I'm looking for television clothing.

You see, we have differences, but together, we make a pretty good team, you know?

Television clothing?

Television clothing, yeah.

Look it up in the manual.

Television clothing?

Do you have an English to American dictionary there?

No.

No?

You sure you don't?

It's a pretty big store.

No.

Why don't you look it up on your computer machine?

Do that stuff.

You got any book machines there?

Do that stuff.

My name is Jack Valente, and I just had a stroke.

Right.

And...

Don't forget the stroke part.

whatever that was whatever that was indeed i haven't choked with the irc page right now

dt is hacking what the hell wicked bar is having issues lonesome loser seems to think i agree i

think so too here that our dt is back in town oh my god we've been hacked again

dude lock the web page lock the web page

Alright, let me look at numbers here.

Hungry Redneck.

They're located up in that

Dirty Oregon location.

Nunu on the UK server.

Nice.

Alright, Nunu.

Good idea.

Hey, Big Sadie, how you doing?

Hey, this is the Hungry Redneck, right?

But that's just like,

it's not like a racist thing, right?

Like, I'd be able to come in

with a woman of color?

Okay, good.

Are there any men there?

One or two.

One or two?

Yeah.

Are they intimidating?

No.

Do you guys have a game on?

I want to see the Gators game.

Oh, yeah, we can change it.

Yeah?

What do you got on right now on the TV?

Green and somebody in red.

Oh, that sounds...

Ohio and Oregon.

That sounds...

Oh, yeah.

I want all the TVs to go to the Florida Gators game, then.

You want the TVs to go to the Florida Gators game?

Well, I want all the TVs to be the Gators game,

and then I want one of the other TVs to be on, like,

Yo! MTV Raps or something like that.

Well, how about I have one TV,

and I can change it to the Gators game,

but you're going to have to talk about it with these people in here.

I don't think they're very scary.

Oh, you can accommodate me, right?

Like, I want it in all angles because I have to look at left and the right.

Well, I only have one, but I could try.

You just have one TV there?

Mm-hmm.

Why is that?

Good question.

Do you have an NFL Sunday ticket?

I don't need one. It's all about family bonding here.

Are you drinking?

No.

It sounds like you're drinking something.

Yes.

Are you thirsty?

Yes.

What do you have to drink? Do you like lemonade?

You want a lemonade? What?

No, do you like lemonade? Yeah?

But, you know what? I'd be happy to accommodate you.

I got you some lemonade, and I got you your Gators game, I think.

And so, head on over. How about that?

You want to go out for ice cream?

Well, I'll bring you some ice cream.

No, I'll get you some ice cream. I want you to, like, eat with me ice cream.

Okay, I'll eat some ice cream with you.

You want to sit down with me and eat ice cream?

Maybe, if I'm not busy.

Yeah? What if you're busy? Like, make an exception.

I'm pretty busy right now.

I'll tip you pretty well.

But when you get here, I might not be.

You like tips? You like tips?

Absolutely. Who doesn't?

I'll give you a nice tip to eat some ice cream with me.

I'll eat some ice cream with you.

Yeah?

Can I eat it on you?

No.

Like on your parts?

Nice try.

On your privates?

Nope.

What about your elbows?

Like your elbow?

Nice try.

On your elbows, though?

Absolutely not.

Can you touch your elbows behind your back?

Nope.

Will you try it for me like it was there?

No.

Do you want to come serve some salads?

Because I'd be more than happy to let you.

Serve salad?

Yeah.

What salad?

What should I be doing right now?

Maybe you should be eating salad.

Maybe I will if you get here.

But I'm going to have to let you go.

Ice cream!

I'll tell you what, you come down here, we'll have some ice cream and watch some Gators games, alright?

Oh, fuck yeah.

Hell yeah.

Okay, I'll see you in a bit then, huh?

Alright, babe.

Bye.

Alright, big girl.

Big Sadie and I are going to have ice cream.

I went to some weird ice cream!

Oh, man.

I should call an ice cream place and say ice cream really loud.

Do you have ice cream?

Do you have Jell-O?

Yay!

Oh, that's old.

That was Jimmy Florentine, right?

Crank Anchors?

Big Balls, Jimmy Florentine.

Let's tuck around still, tuck you there.

You're right here.

Hey, Tuck, any idea, is Howard back live tomorrow, or are they going to be gone still another week or something?

They concluded it, the head of history, so I'm going to say Monday he did come back.

I missed the last three days of the history part three.

Did they have anything good in the last three days?

It ended with the writing of private parts of the movie.

They got that far, really? That's it?

Yeah, that's where they started working on it.

Oh, that sucks.

I was hoping they'd go into more.

Yeah, that was the finale.

Yeah, I missed it, though.

That's, yeah, because the last...

No, there's part four next year.

Yeah, that'll be the last part.

They're going to be covering, because, well, yeah, I guess there wasn't really that much

that happened between Private Parts and when they left K-Rock.

A lot happened.

R.E. Lane and all sorts of shit.

So, Tuck, what do you think is going to happen with Artie Monday?

Do you think he's going to be in?

Do you think it's going to be over?

I mean, I think it'll be an announcement.

This is going to be...

Yeah, I think he's going to show up.

I think it's definitely going to be word, yes or no, but I don't know, man.

The guy's out of control.

We'll never get the straight word from the guy.

Basically, he disappeared.

He disappeared in the middle of December.

I think he's going to show up.

Hopefully.

I mean, I don't know.

I mean, I just really want to think that it's his fate.

Because every time it's a vacation is when something happens with him.

Before it was a long vacation, they always do this thing.

I think all it is is he went to rehab early.

They told him to go to rehab early.

But did you see the video of him supposedly doing heroin when 50 Cent was in the studio?

I saw that.

I was like, wow.

Wow, like, yeah, apparently 50 caught him, yeah.

Yeah, man.

Recently?

When 50 came in, when 50 came in to the Stern studio for an interview.

Someone find me a link.

Yeah, I'm sure there's a link out there.

Well, like, he, like, you see 50 gets up and he looks around and he's, like, doing, he's doing, like, skim pops or something.

I don't know what it's called.

He's doing drugs.

He probably was, he might have been doing, like, drugs in, like, the bathroom.

Remember we talked about that once, doing drugs in the bathroom?

I think he's doing it.

anyway

probably

it's called the

sundown moment

I'm getting ready

to wrap things up

here in about

28 minutes

we've had a

pretty good show

I'm eating shrimp

so my mouth

is a little

shrubber

so what's the

deal with shrimp

are they

steamed

boiled shrimp

how are they

prepared

fried

what are they

yeah

boiled shrimp

you know

out of the

freezer

and you know

thawed out

and you know

raw

oh you know

yeah

you know

I was just

having something like that too matter of fact it has some shrimp they're all deveined and and get

the stuff out and you can hold a uh a side dinner yeah yeah i get a little leery i like so i like

something like i had the main one and then this is uh the extra appetizer afterward oh cool cool

all right man awesome well congratulations uh black eyed peas

you put any ham in the in the um you got to put some ham in that uh

in that black eyed peas

or not even

or the collard greens

we have had plenty of ham

we didn't eat ham tonight

you didn't put any

we've been eating ham

fuck all fucking

holiday dude

yeah but you gotta put

chunks of pork

you gotta get that

chunks of ham

and pork

you can

in the greens man

that's how you do it

you can

yeah we do sometimes

you know what sucks

you know what I missed

and I'm just realizing

I'm pretty sure it's over by now

but shrimp fest

that means I'm gonna get some monies

I'm pretty sure I missed

shrimp fest at

Red Lobster

or I'm kind of upset with myself, Tuck.

I think that's already been long gone by now.

Yeah, I do, because all you can eat is shrimp.

You pay like 20 bucks, you come in, you sit down,

they keep bringing it out.

But they're smart.

They take so long to bring out the next order.

They got six different varieties of shrimp.

They got the scampi, the fried.

The shrimp, there's never enough shrimp.

It's always gone.

They never bring any more.

Anywhere you go, in the buffet of the shrimp,

I know, it sucks.

The first time you come out, you sit down,

and you're like, oh, you want a shrimp and shit?

they give you a nice big portion of shrimp and they give you potato and your bread and your

veggies and all that and they say oh you want me to put in for your next one now you're like you

know and usually say no no i'm good for now and then when a waitress finally comes back like 15

minutes later and you ask her for another you know to re-up your shrimp your endless shrimp

and they come back with like five little five shrimps five little ones which you eat like in a

mouthful you know and then they're like oh you know they bring the next one out you gotta wait

another 15 minutes.

It's a scam.

Fucking scam.

I say I call

Red Lobster right now

and call him out on it.

Let's do that.

Let's go to the Red Lobster.

You get the numbers

and now I'm doing that.

Gee, if only you were

a prank call show

that you had access

to numbers

and called people.

Let's go to the

Red Lobster website.

I bet you anything

has music.

Corn fried lobster.

Look at that.

Red Lobster website course

has to make a lot

of fucking noise.

Loading video.

I love lobster too.

Hell yeah.

Dude, talk, dude.

I'll tell you

on my cruise night

On the Thursday night

On the formal dinner

They had lobster tail

It was all you can eat

Because whenever you're in a cruise

Like you do your formal dinner

If you want more of something

You tell them

They bring it out

This is all you could eat

Lobster tail dude

Like

And really well made

Oh dude

I haven't eaten my lobster

I was eating

I had like

I won't

I won't eat it all

It's the steak of the sea sir

Most definitely

But I missed it

I wasn't there for that one

But the cruise I did before that

I did

And it's worth it dude

You either eat like

A good three or four lobster tails

Oh my fucking god

But it's so messy

To eat lobster you know

There's like water

Everywhere and shit

It's annoying

And sucky

Get your hands

Like I don't like

Eating crab

Like sometimes

It's fun to go out

And have all you can eat crab

They got a place here

That does that you know

They got like five

Six different varieties of crab

And you pay

Depending on what kind of crab

You're gonna get

You pay a fee

And it's all you can eat

But dude like

You're sitting there

And you're fighting with it

And break it in

You got crab juice

Everywhere and all over you

And on the table

And the plate

And you got

You got a plate

Just putting crab shells

And it gets so messy

And nasty

Oh, crab is good.

Crab is fucking good.

Hey, yo, go on with it.

Snap your mama.

I got king crab.

Steam crab.

King crab, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

Hell yeah.

Anyway, we got these sound effects in the background here.

I got one of the long legs.

Yeah.

It sounds like we're by the fireplace here, right?

This is a Red Lobster website.

It's got, like, a steaming grill video.

Dude, Tuck, you know, if Milkman and you and I were together, like, by a fireside,

you know, just hanging out, drinking some hot chocolate, you know, for the holidays,

I would take

Milkman by the shirt

And I'd throw him

Into the fire

And let him burn

That'd be funny

Alright

right.

All right, seriously, folks, let's go ahead and find that red lobster here.

Pick a city, guys.

Guys, it's funny now.

I got serious.

Give me a city on the West Coast for a red lobster, and I'll find one there, and I'll call them.

I'm looking at Nevada.

I say Reno, Nevada.

There we go, Reno.

Long Beach, California.

Long Beach, California it is.

San Francisco, man.

They'll be busy, and they'll have to be nice, man.

Where in San Francisco they'll have to be nice?

What was the rule?

Red lobster, San Francisco.

No, they're not going to be angry.

We don't want them to be nice.

Yeah, we want assholes.

Alright, here's the Red Lobster on San Francisco, San Francisco, home of the gays, home of Milkman.

Give me a second here, let me get the Google voice up, give them a call.

Hi, I'm the hippies.

Hippies.

Wait time.

Ring, ring, ring, I'm the phone.

Nothing.

Let's try to redial that.

Cancel, connect, ring, ring, uh-oh, I think we have a broken phone machine.

Interesting.

Hey.

Hey, Mr. Phone Machine, please, what's the issue?

Are our listeners able to call in?

Well, it doesn't look like it's working now, they should be able to.

Okay, because I got a message from one of our listeners.

Why don't you call him in?

Okay.

When black people like me talk to the slaves, they didn't kill them.

They sent some old house Negro.

Kill what?

He killed them.

Don't do what he said.

You have to read the history of slavery to understand this.

There were two kinds of Negroes.

There was that old house Negro and the field Negro.

And the house Negro always looked out for his master.

When the field Negroes got too much out of line, he held them back in check.

He put them back on the plantation.

The House Negro for the...

For holiness, Missy, can I help you?

Yes, hi, what's going on there?

I got a complaint, I want to talk to a manager.

Absolutely, just one second.

Hey, listen, you're an asshole.

He ate better, he dressed better, and he lived in a better house.

He lived right up next to his master in the attic, or the basement.

He ate the same food his master ate, and wore his same clothes.

And he could talk just like his master.

Good diction.

And he loved his master more than his master loved himself.

That's why he didn't want his master hurt.

If the master got sick, he'd say, what's the matter, boss, we sick?

When the master's house caught a fire, he'd try and put the fire out.

He didn't want his master's house burned.

He never wanted his master's property threatened.

And he was more defensive of it than the master was.

That was the house negro.

But then you had some field negro.

Indeed.

So, Tuck, are you a house negro or a field negro?

This is Chris. I can help you.

Yes, sir. Are you a house negro or are you a field negro?

Now, listen, I'm a little upset.

I want to tell you what happened over there.

I came down and I got that damn shrimp, endless shrimp, shrimp fest a few weeks ago.

We haven't had endless shrimp.

Exactly. It was a few weeks ago.

So I was down there, and what's the deal with the rate of that shrimp coming out, huh?

Excuse me?

I come down there, and I order shrimps.

They give me three different kinds of shrimps,

and the next time they come back, they bring five little shrimps.

Five shrimps. That's it. Five.

Each time, five shrimps. Five shrimps. Only five.

Ours, we give out 12.

But they're small shrimps, right?

Well, how big are the shrimp?

For ours, it was the round shrimp.

They're not that big.

It's equal to, like, five normal shrimps, right?

In September, sir.

But it's like nothing.

Like, the re-up, when you re-up my shrimps, you're giving me small shrimps.

The same size that we always give when we do our refills.

Why does it take so long to get refills on the shrimps?

Like, sir, it's in September.

Yeah, but I'm calling now.

I got this written down in my papers.

I had a busy, busy last half of the year.

If you came here, you would have gotten refills of 10, which are the same size.

They're small, and they take a long time to get to shrimps.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Well, why can't you just bring out a whole new big plate of shrimps each time?

Because we have to do it.

We like to bring you hot ones out every time.

I don't want to.

And I said to the woman, listen, that's the problem.

Why do you have so many women there in charge of things?

Women mess up the order all the time.

Women don't know how to use the fax machine.

I don't appreciate that kind of language.

Do you have a fax machine there?

Yes, I do, sir.

Who's in charge of it, a woman or a man?

It does not matter.

No, but it's a question, though, right?

It's a legitimate question.

Who's the fax person?

Everyone can use it.

You let women touch the fax and everything, mess it up, hit the wrong buttons?

I don't like the way this is going.

They mess up the settings on the fax machine, the radio, everything.

I'm sorry, sir.

How many men there versus women at work?

There's no men there?

Well, can I speak to a man?

Doesn't seem like it.

You seem to be covering for the woman.

You're like a house negro.

And you know, as a matter of fact, that's what you said.

Yeah, I'm a house negro is what you said, right?

Isn't that what you said?

You cover for your master.

Every time, if there was a problem right now, you'd be like, what's the matter?

I'm telling you, I'm a field negro, and you're a house negro, sir.

I'm realistic.

You just...

Thank you for your call, but...

If something were to happen in that store, you'd be the first one they're trying to put the fire out, wouldn't you?

Offer your massa, your massa, all the time.

Uncle Tom is what we call you, where I come from.

Is that man on the phone yet? Can you get that man for me yet?

Hello?

Sir, I am a gentleman.

Do you have any questions right now other than that?

What about your chromosomes? Do you think you have XY or just two X chromosomes?

He still has three because he's retarded.

There was two kind of slaves.

There was the house negro and the field negro.

The house negro, they lived in the house with master.

They dressed pretty good.

They ate good because they ate his food.

Listen to this while I get a beer.

Well, he left.

They lived in the attic or the basement, but still they lived near their master.

And they loved their master more than the master loved himself.

They would give their life to save their master's house quicker than the master would.

The house negro, if the master said, we got a good house here, the house negro would say, yeah, we got a good house here.

Whenever the master said we, he said we.

That's how you can tell a house negro.

If the master's house caught on fire, the house negro would fight harder to put the blaze out than the master would.

If the master got sick, the house negro would say, what's the matter, boss?

We sick. We sick.

He identified himself with his master more than his master identified with himself.

And if you came to the house negro and said, let's run away, let's escape, let's parade,

the house negro would look at you and say, man, you crazy.

What you mean, separate?

parade. Where is there a better house than this? Where can I wear better clothes than this? Where

can I eat better food than this? That was that house Negro. The field Negro was beaten from

morning till night. He lived in a shack, in a hut. He wore cast-off clothes. He hated his master. I

say he hated his master. He was intelligent. That house Negro loved his master. But that field

Negro, remember, they were in the majority, and they hated his master. When the house caught on

fire he didn't try and put it out that field negro prayed for a wind for a breeze when the master got

sick the field negro prayed that he died if someone come to the field negro and said let's

separate let's run he didn't say where are we going he said any place is better than him that's

right tug you should learn about that you own a plantation what's up yeah yeah yeah it's not

it's not working it's not letting me uh dial stuff through i don't understand what's going on

Like if I try to dial in right now, it doesn't bring back. I don't know what's wrong

What do we do to one the site I'll pissed off what happened

That's that's definitely a field Negro

Definitely feel they're already Negro. I said not nigger. Okay. Okay guys. What's this all about?

about who is this milkman do you know you're being ass dude ass all right cool y'all hate valente

whatever okay no valente valente bills of bills around here in my house right now i think we got

one more prank in us and we're out of here shrimp your mom tray dogs walking shitting service yeah

the line won't ring i don't know milkman look i'm trying to ring the studio line it doesn't want to

work i can't call him in i gotta dial him the long way got a long dial king sarah's for the dogs

You're in Florida?

Well, I'm calling from my cell phone.

Yes, I walked...

Okay, what are your rates and what kind of services do you provide?

I walk dogs, I house dogs, so I'm within the $12 a walk days.

How much do you walk the dog for?

$12 a walk.

Well, how much walking do you do, damn it?

I have a Wee Mariner, you know what those are?

Wee Mariner?

Yes, I know what a Wee Mariner is.

I need you to work the dog out.

It's got to be strenuous.

You've got to go run for jogging for a little bit, too.

Listen, I don't want you to say you're jogging my dog and you're not jogging him.

I'm going to have my friend who lives in California.

He's going to go out there and make sure that you're in charge,

that you're actually walking, you know, running with the dog, not just walking.

I can run the dog, yes.

How long can you jog for?

I don't know, why?

Well, I've got to make sure that you're in shape.

Are you overweight?

No, I'm not overweight.

I just some weight, but I'm not overweight.

How fast can you run a 100-yard dash in?

One ribbon's for it when I was a kid.

Yeah, but now.

I haven't done that.

You're an old man, an old man.

Well, returning to Maine.

You hung up on me.

You have no new messages.

To place a call, press 2.

Of course he is.

Call him back and accuse him of being senile and hang up the phone on accident.

Give me a second.

Hey, the line is only working for incoming calls.

It's only working for incoming calls.

For alcohol.

Yeah, but I can't put the person on the line.

I can't receive calls.

I can only make them out.

I think either you hung up the phone or it broke down.

What happened?

You were explaining to me that you were old, but I think we can make an exception now.

I'm not old.

You're not old, because I heard that you were, like, old or something.

Like, before I hung up, I thought you were saying that.

Where are you supposed to hear that from?

On the phone, on the speaker on the phone.

You were talking to me, you said you were old.

I didn't say I was old, I said...

Okay, but you're not old, right? You're not an old man?

Whatever you consider old, I don't know.

I mean, how old are you older than me?

I don't know how...

I'm 30, so you think, because I'm an athlete, well, I'm asking...

Well...

I'm going to Vancouver for the Olympics, so I'm trying to get someone...

Well, good for you!

Thank you, I appreciate it, for your service.

Returning to main menu, you have no new messages.

To place a call, press 2.

For Goog411, press 3

I'm going to jerk that guy

Alright, Milkman, I'm going to try the line one more time

Let me see if I can fix it

Who is that, by the way? Can you tell me who it is?

Hello, Milkman

Okay, alright

Maven, go ahead and tell them who the call was

Angry women have it bad

Angry overweight black women have it the worst, I think

Angry women have it bad

Because they're black, they're women, they're angry

And they're overweight

Maven, not to judge people by race

Yeah, it is terrible

We gotta wrap it up Milkman

Cause I can't receive calls

The only way I can fix it

Hang on

The only way I can fix it

Is by rebooting my phone modem

Which is gonna knock the internet out

For like five minutes

While it reboots

And we have to go anyway

Close the fucking door

Close the door

So are we gonna end the show

Or are we gonna go on

I'm gonna end the show

You gotta end the show

It's over

I was only gonna do two hours anyway

This is two hours

We're gonna end the show

Alright

Alright well Maven

Maven we're gonna end the show

So let's kick it off here

Are we ready?

Let's do our goodbye here.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year to me.

Oh, thank you so much.

I'd like to thank every...

Show your titties.

She's definitely upstairs.

Thank you so much, man.

Chuck wants to see your titties, too.

Yeah.

There you go.

Yeah.

I'd like to thank you all.

Show your titties.

Dougman, tell her she's definitely upstairs, girl.

You know what I mean?

An upstairs girl?

Oh, my goodness.

That's nipple right there.

Good grief.

Look at that, Lord have mercy, spoiling.

Oh, man, I'm going to have to go use the bathroom real quick here.

I can't take this anymore.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go, dude.

I've had nightmares like this before.

You are outstaring the field like a farmer.

You're packing some corn, girl.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

That's right, welcome and happy new years from your favorite madhouse, that's right.

Thank you everybody for tuning in, all your friends, and bring all your enemies, because we love you right here in the madhouse.

Every week we do this for free, we just ask that you give us the time, because we're going to drop the dime, and have some fun.

Bring your friends, better yet, bring your enemies, and share a laugh with us.

Mr. Lonesome Loser, our numbers hit man, that's right, thank you so much, without you, the world would come to a halt in its tracks, thank you so much, Carlito, Kokanee, Minu, that's right, our UK representative, thank you so much, Mr. Tuck, thank you so much for joining us, our artist extraordinaire, MSP, King Clay, that's right, we're the long and rally listeners, Andy, my trucker buddy,

Everybody, Tim Fuller, Convoy, buddy.

Yeah, welcome back.

And everybody else that tuned in, we'd like to thank you so much.

Hey, to the Convoys.

But without you, that's right, our Generalissimo of the Madhouse.

What could we do without you?

Thank you so much for having me on.

And I want us to share some big balls of laughter out there.

Thank you.

Big air money until we love you.

Thank you, Maven.

Bye, Mavens.

Thank you, Maven.

All right, everybody.

Everybody, yeah, big thanks to, as Milkman already mentioned, Lonesome Loser,

sitting in numbers, Nunu as well for helping out.

Milkman and Tuck, thanks for being in the studio.

Everyone visit tuckermike.com.

That's his website.

And everyone be, oh, yeah, big thanks, of course, to the folks over at Cactus Radio

having us on.

Cactus Radio, Cacti Radio.

Oh, yeah, Cactus.

Cactus Cactus.

You're great with trickling people.

Cactus thing.

Big thanks to RBCP and everyone else over there.

Thanks for choosing us.

Everyone be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

Also be visiting

Who got chosen this week

That's right

We're chosen

The chosen ones

Don't forget our new

Hourship

On Tuesdays

At 9pm

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Join up with our

New network friends

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Tell them Armando

Tuesday

Next show

Tuesday 9pm

New permanent slot

For Madhouse Radio

Tuesday

9pm

We're out of here

Thank you everybody

We love you all

Awesome man

People were

So hot

And they were

fairly rooted me and I'm going to file a complaint.

Calls (20, 1 h 10 min of 1 h 53 min)

Transcript

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