Chinga Tu Madre Pendejo

We will get to the bottom of this.

Fast it to me.

If you have a fax machine, then what button do you push to send stuff?

We push 9-0-PAUSE to get an outside line.

No, no.

We are through a network inside the company.

No, no.

You hit send.

You don't even know how to use a fax machine.

Who the fuck is this?

Who are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast?

Hello, everybody.

Good evening.

Hello, Todd.

Hello, Kokanee.

Hey, everybody.

Carlito of Madhouse Radio and the Assemblage of Assembles.

dominant force and prank calls coming at you interesting message here from that member that

cat nico help remember that crazy fuck one of those uh conspiracy kids in new york one of those

art fags yeah he sent me a message he sent me a message to talk about the first sex robot that's

confirmed he says that it's breaking news all right cool all right cool nico help

I signed up for the newsletter, apparently.

Hell yeah, I want to know all about it.

Man.

Talking about that today, right?

Yeah.

Somebody was talking about it?

Well, fuck.

Fuck me.

Fuck me with a stick in the face.

I got a gallon of water.

My aim is to drink this entire gallon of water before the end of the night.

It's a good brand called Spring Lake.

Spring Lake water.

Yes.

100% natural carbon filtered drinking water.

From Spring Lake, water of Brooksville, Florida.

from from brooksville that sounds like a very clean town nothing but clean towns named brooksville

tell you what brooksville it's lake water you know you know what i don't feel too happy about

drinking lake water i like spring water well it says spring lake so what is it spring or lake

where's the water from i bet you it's from a lake i bet you this is nasty lake water they

filtered out the new york city bottled up and then put a focus label on it they got a phone

Call number, maybe someone will answer. Let's try calling them.

Hey, Charlie, you crazy mouth of money.

Let's try to give them a call. Hang on.

It's just out of a tap.

Oh, they stamped the top of it, fuckers.

That's what I'm saying.

I think that's right. They put a fucking date stamp on top of it.

Make it hard to find. Sneaky bastards.

Bitches. 9 p.m.

Thank you for calling. No business hours on Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Please call back during our normal business hours. Thank you.

Yes, hi. This is Carlito. I'm with Madhouse Radio.

You can reach me at 407-459-4534.

I need an urgent answer to these accusations that your water,

spring water, comes from a lake, not from a spring,

and that it possibly has amoebas in it,

and I found a piece of grass inside it,

and I think that you're actually still in lake water,

and I've got proof of it here on the Internet.

They're doing a whole investigation.

So call me back. Oogity-boogity.

All right, let's see if they can...

Maybe they'll call back and leave a message about it.

I don't know. Probably not.

Oogity-boogity.

Alright, I'm gonna drink this entire gallon of lake water tonight, folks

Ugh, man

I buy it from this, uh

This, uh, this Muslim guy

His name is Sam

He's got a store that's on the way from home

And it's funny that his name is Sam

I'm named Sam, apparently

Yeah, the guy's a badass

I don't know if I told you about this when I have one

He got shot in the fucking

The fucking chest, like

He got shot, like, right under his armpit

Like, in his chest, though

Like, during a robbery

And the guy stood up and, like, cursed the guy out, standing at the door of the convenience store.

And then he walked back and called 911 and didn't lay on the ground until the paramedics told him to do so when they got there.

The guy's fucking tough as balls.

He took a fucking, dude, he's this old school fucking Egyptian.

I talk to him, like, every other day.

I go to his store every day, either on the, if I'm running early enough, I stop there on the way to work.

And, yeah, on the way home.

So he knows me.

I've known him, I've talked to him

I have conversations with him

He sells for a dollar, he sells a gallon of water

And he keeps it in the cooler for me

He kept it stocked for me

I mentioned it once, it'd be cool if I could get a water cold

And he said he's going to start doing it, he does it just for me

But he was putting in the good Zephyrhills water

Now he's putting in the Spring Lake shit

I'm going to have a talk with Sam, I don't know what's going on

And he's charging me the same for the Spring Lake water

That he used to the good stuff, the Zephyrhills water

I haven't seen any Zephyrhills

Maybe he lost his Zephyrhills license, I don't know

Fuck, I gotta get to drinking

drinking yeah dude i drink the water out of the gallon even at work i don't care anymore i take a

gallon we may work and i drink straight out of it right i don't use a fucking uh fucking what

you call it a cup a cup of glass what are they called i don't use that shit damn it anyway folks

we are on cacti radio be sure to visit cacti radio be sure to stay tuned there after our show

because we'll be uh joined by none other than uh rbcp and the phone show also madhouse live.com

If you're listening to us now as well

MadhouseLive.com

You can see a video feed of me

If you're just listening to me right now

And you can also submit your pranks

Using the easy to use request a prank form

Comes right to my Gmail inbox

Right on my fucking desktop

And it alerts me

And it goes

Like that and everything

And we read it out

And we say yes or no

And we like the idea

Tuck son of a bitch right

We call it

We call the fuckers even

If it's a good idea

As a matter of fact I got some of those right now

I haven't got to those in a long time

We call people.

Call people?

It's called the Prince Paul's Elephant Show thing.

Right.

Right, Mr. Busy.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

That's the whole point of it.

Yeah.

So we got a number for Wanda.

She works at a casino in Nevada.

This came in from Mike.

Mike sent this in to us two days ago.

So let's see if she's there.

Happens to be there now.

I don't even know what casino it is.

I have no idea what casino it is.

We'll be joining here shortly.

Who's talking to me, apparently?

Send in your request to me via AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

Madhouse Radio is my screen name.

And if you're using Yahoo Instant Messenger, I already said that, right?

Yes, if you're using MSN Messenger, rather, madhouseatlive.com.

Yes, this is a casino.

It is.

Look, Wanda has my phone, and I want it back right now.

I'm sorry?

Wanda has my phone, and I want it back right now.

This is Valente.

Wanda took my phone, and I want it back right now.

I know she found it.

I turn my GPS on, and it shows that Wanda has it.

I did it remote tracking that I signed up for an AT&T.

I want my iPhone back right now.

Oh, you give me the money right now for the iPhone.

You.

Well, you know what?

I just work here.

You're going to have to talk to my supervisor.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Who's Wanda?

Tell me who it is.

One moment, please.

You can speak to my supervisor.

Jesus.

Shitty phone.

It's Amelia.

Jesus Christ.

Who is this?

Amelia?

And you're the manager there, is it?

Wanda has my phone.

I want it back right now.

Pardon me?

Wanda Nelson has my iPhone. I know for a fact she has it. I turned on my GPS tracker when I lost my phone and she has it. She's calling people all over the place on my phone. It's not hers. It's mine. It's my phone. This is Valente. First name? Valente. And your last name? Cross.

Have a reach. 07-459-4534. But guess what? If she calls me at it, she's not going to get me because she stole my phone.

Okay, I have a tracer on this line. I suggest that maybe you call in the morning and get a hold of Wanda.

What do you have on the line? I'm sorry, what?

A tracer.

So what, are you tracing Wanda for me? What do you mean?

Yeah, I'm trying to find her.

No, what do you mean tracer? What are you saying? What is this supposed to mean?

I'm trying to find Wanda. I have a tracer on the other line.

But I had never heard of a tracer on the line before.

I have a girl tracing her down.

All right, I'll hold.

What's the girl?

What's her business?

She just traces people?

She works there, too.

Huh?

I'm sorry, can you spell your first name?

Are you saying that you're tracing me?

No, I have her being traced.

Can I get your first name again?

Can you spell that?

Valente.

Valente Cross.

Valente.

This isn't laughing matter.

Who is one of the niggas?

I want to know.

I have proof that she's...

One of the niggas is the manager of the Colt Casino.

Well, she is using my phone.

I have proof of it right here.

Is she African-American?

No, she's not.

No, she isn't.

Hold on, please.

Okay, I'm getting tired of this.

I'm waiting, yes.

Okay, hold on, please.

Why do you keep...

Excuse me, wait a minute.

I want your information.

No, I've been patient, and I've been holding, and I think I should...

And I just got a hold of her.

And who am I speaking with?

This is Amelia.

Okay, and Wanda, are we going to get her on the line here to get this remediated?

I have Wanda on my cell phone.

I have a mediator who I'm going to be connecting myself on the line.

I'm going to mediate between you.

Well, I'm allowed to have my own mediator also.

Wanda, this gentleman, Valencia Cross, says that you have his iPhone.

He says that, did you lose your phone here, sir?

Yes, and I turned on the GPS and records out the wazoo, Wanda and all over it.

Is there a number where she can reach you? Because this is just not going to work.

But I gave you the number.

And I can get a hold of you through that number?

Absolutely.

Okay, I'm going to give it to her right now and have her call you.

I'm having the phone traced myself.

I have a tracer on the phone.

And I'm already forwarding.

You let her know that she can't make any more phone calls on it

because I'm having the phone forwarded to my temporary phone.

Okay, well, I'm going to go ahead and give her this 407-459-4534.

That's right.

And it's Valente, not Valencia.

Valente?

Valente.

Valente Cross.

And I don't like the manner that you're being very patronizing from time to time.

And I don't appreciate it.

I'm dealing with my customers at the same time, so I have to keep a smile and entertain them, too.

Okay.

So I'm going to go ahead and...

Okay, honey.

All right.

Okay.

And give her your phone number.

Okay, honey.

Bye.

Hey.

Oh, man.

I wish there was a fly on that wall here where she's going to sit here in the background.

Damn it.

I should have told her I'd hold so we could hear that.

We could hear it on the speakerphone on the other end.

I bet you that other one's following you.

There'll be the next level of it all when you're able to have the technology that you can hear the coast of your telephone call.

oh yeah oh yeah serious deficit of people who are non-opt in the chat room let me get some

options over here there you go coke and yeah i guess should be odd we always up mc3 because

always up i don't know why a lot of rbcp isn't if rbcp is a hacker you know dude like i don't

care like rbcp i'm hopping in just as a sign of respect he comes to my house and we're very

laissez faire in our chat room if you take the if someone were so inclined to take the chat

take the chat room down it wouldn't really bother me it's just we just we're not in there all the

time we're just in there like for three or four hours a week and we don't even it's not my server

i could just contact the server admins or they're pretty responsive and they would just pick support

go nuts you can't handle it up everybody goddamn it sounds like i really need you

should i voice you maybe i'll voice you i'll voice you oh i'm gonna give you all voice

I don't know. There it is. It's like a chevron. It's like adding a chevron to your arm.

You get a voice. Girl, there you go, Big Jen.

Show us a picture of you, Big Jen. Is there any links?

It's like adding a gas station chain to your arm.

Is this Valente Cross?

Yeah, this is one of the...

You get your grubby hands off of my iPhone machine, alright?

Listen, I got proof. I lost my...

Add your iPhone. Listen to me.

I do not add your iPhone machine.

I've never owned an iPhone machine, never even seen one.

I don't know what you're talking about.

out. And you need to be just a little bit more damn polite because I don't have it.

Well, listen, I have proof of it. I'm unrefutable proof from the GPS.

What I want, I'm sorry. I don't believe you know how to operate a fax machine. You're

a common thief.

Operated as in me, the proof. I'll get to the bottom of it because I do not have your

iPhone.

iPhone machine. Get it right.

I don't want my fax machine to be the proof and I will get to the bottom of it. But you

don't call up and give my casino host a hard time.

If you have a fax machine, listen, if you have a fax machine,

Then what button do you push to send stuff?

We push 9-0-pause to get an outside line.

No, no.

We are through a network inside the company.

No, no, you hit send.

You don't even know how to use a fax machine.

You don't even know.

I have a fax machine.

I operate it every day, and everything goes through.

Don't tell me I don't know how to operate it.

That's nice, honey.

Okay, listen, so I have proof.

I turn on my iPhone machine.

I turn on the GPS, and I'm telling you signs all over.

Wanda Nelson this.

Wanda Nelson has the phone.

Wanda Nelson made a phone call.

Phone calls all over the place.

Send me the proof.

Send me the proof because I don't want to find out who does.

Send me the proof and I will find out who has it.

Listen, and then somebody told me that they saw you eating chicken

and then you weren't cleaning your fingers and you were touching all the dirty grease on top of my phone.

You know what?

Just keep it if you're so little.

I do not.

Can you please tell me where you are because the 407 is not even a local number where I am.

That's right, yes.

This is the phone that you stole.

I'm having the phones forwarded.

You don't have your phone. I did not steal your phone.

Where are you located?

I was in the casino. I decided to go out to eat and cool down.

When were you in the casino?

Ma'am, this is getting a little personal, don't you think?

I was at the machine.

Okay, but when?

The machine, yes, today, the machine.

You know the machine with the lights that goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing?

You know that one?

I don't have lights that do that. Which machine were you playing?

The game machine, you know?

We have the machines. Which one were you playing?

This, uh, okay.

You put in the money in it, right?

And it has this, it has buttons.

We have machines that take money.

Yeah, but it has the buttons, and you pull the thing.

It's like, doong-de-doong.

They all have buttons.

Ding-ding, like that.

They all have buttons.

It's got numbers on it.

Which one were you playing?

And they all have numbers.

I'm just going to come in for a refund, I think, is what I'm going to do.

You come and see me.

It would be great.

Come and see me.

Are you threatening me?

No, I want you to come and talk to me so we can straighten it out.

All right, well, if we're going to talk, we're going to talk like men.

You understand?

understand? I'm not a man, so that's fine. Maybe that's the problem. Where do you live? I would

like to send you my address so that you can send that to me, since you don't seem to think I know

how to work a fax machine. I would like to see the proof of this, because I don't appreciate this.

I didn't do what you're accusing me of. I would like to straighten it out. I would hope you would,

but I just don't have... Well, give me an address, and I will send you something. Oh, you're going

to send me something? I will send you my address so that you can send me proof. I want to see the

the proof because i don't have it i'm telling you the truth i don't know where you got my name

but i don't have a cell phone i i've never even seen an iphone listen i turned it on i turned on

the gps on my iphone machine and i'm telling you it has proof it says that the person who accessed

it is is and is has your name here clean as day on a computer machine it says one that has the

iphone machine and that you may phone calls your iphone you bought you you says that you bought

phone and everything that you were buying gas i don't buy gas with anything except my bank card

yes but you got you got to the gas pump thing and you put the iphone machine you swiped it and

everything and it charged the gas supposedly by gas where did i supposedly buy gas it just says

valentine associates on here valencia gas i don't know some kind of etc company or something i don't

know which one it is it's a fresh transaction possible it hasn't even posted yet it hasn't

Listen, I've been on vacation in Reno.

We made a trip out here, a special trip to see this casino, this big deal that my in-laws keep talking about.

And nothing but shit is what happens.

I'm in Reno right now, and I'm taking a flight out of Vegas tomorrow.

I'm going to be flying back to Miami.

But I tell you what, I'm going to pray for you.

I'm going to pray for you that you find, you know, that God doesn't pay it back to you sevenfold like the Bible says.

I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to do.

No, you keep the phone.

You keep the iPhone.

I hope you enjoy the iPhone.

Listen to me.

Call the local sheriff's office and give them your number because I have a phone and I don't need this.

Madam, quite honestly, you're calling me.

I'm going to call the sheriff's office right now and give them your phone number,

and you can talk to them if you think I've done something wrong.

Madam, I'm sorry.

Other than that?

You're calling me, and I order you in the name of the laws of the state of Nevada not to call and harass me anymore

because you are calling me.

this is an incoming call thank you whatever whatever stole my alcohol machine everybody

hang on these kids are mute hello that was from uh mike mike sent that in there you go mike i don't

know if you're listening now i'll send a message back to the big mike italian mike i definitely

have to edit that out cool thursday i was getting ready to say that i had a mountain of proof

against her but water gallon of water man that's the water i'm talking about bring away well good

good news the magic game is finally on the tv machine here awesome tip off at 10 we'll be

distracted by that all right so lonesome losers in the house he's sending in numbers let's check

those out here real quick tuck where's buzzard at man buzzard you're listening you're out there man

you got to help us out sending those whatever you were doing you were sending out the number

in a chat room and tons of people were calling him well texting him rather yeah dude um on the

phone show last week uh rbcp was fucking what he took that out we kept calling that we called

that lady a few times who was answering at the number for and uh rbcb called her a few more

times was laughing my ass off listening to it that was funny i want to hear those calls let

me know when those are isolated or whatever it is that you call it sir command you let me know

let me get other numbers that was awesome dude that that last series of calls to that lady

about the iphone machine yellow when they say machine back like we uh can text them too thank

Hello, how are you, sir?

Fine, and you?

Yes, I'm good. I'm the United States of America.

Yes.

Okay. I command you to send a shuttle to pick me up immediately at the airport.

It will bring me to the hotel where you will provide me accommodations to my specifications.

This is understood.

Reservation with us?

No, no, I'm not planning on getting a reservation. I'm planning on getting spaces.

You're going to planning to?

to? I'm planning to come down there and stay, you know, for a night and not have any shit.

I'm going to go down there and stay there with no reservation. If you don't have any

reservation, what do you want, sir? I want to stay there the night. I'm with a famous

family, if you know what I mean. I'm from an important family. What date do you want

to stay? I'm coming right now. Prepare a bed for me immediately. Right now? Yes, prepare

a bed and I want it. Do you have air conditioning? I want you to turn off. You're coming right

now? No air conditioning in the room. I want to turn off. No heat, no air conditioning.

Yes, but we are complete here, sir.

Oh, you can kick somebody out.

Who's leaving next?

Who's out?

We don't have any room available.

No, you're going to make room for me.

You're going to kick somebody out to the street for me.

You understand?

Or I will take...

No, I don't make anything.

You stay where you are.

Listen, don't get rough with me, sir,

because I'll come down there and I will force you.

I will force you to put me down on reservation.

Free reservation.

Sure.

You are sure?

I'm sure, yeah.

Are you French?

Where are you staying now?

You don't sound Italian.

You sound feminine.

Where are you from?

Where are you staying now?

I'm at the airport.

What?

At the airport?

Yeah, send a car for me.

It's 30 in the morning.

No, no, no.

It's 30 in the morning.

Yeah, send a car for me.

I was drinking at the bar all this time.

Now send a car for me and get me a room.

Yeah.

And don't give me any crap about it.

Sure.

Call another hotel.

Bye.

What are some of those Italian curses that we were learning last week?

Ain't that a bunch of shit?

Give me a second here.

I got to set up the other chat rooms.

I can see what they're talking about me over there. I almost forgot about it. When we come back. We'll do another prank call

This is a scrap metal place. Oh, when do you open again? Yeah, you how much metals you got there, man?

Oh, this is Valencia. I need a large amount of metal

Oh, listen, I need to make a solar sail and I need it urgently. We need to lift off tomorrow

What time we open you open before nine o'clock? Yeah

What time you open damnit goddamn bastard calling me it says last time I screwed it up like this

who couldn't call the rest of the night through the interface.

God damn it.

Damn it!

Ah, now it's working.

All right, take back those damnits, God.

Four, these, two, one.

Good idea, Mikey129.

You get a gold star if I get the monkey to answer.

Bastard.

Call him back later, fucking guy.

I screwed it up myself.

That was my fault.

My fault.

My fucking fault.

More water.

I'm telling you, Tuck, gallon of water before midnight.

I'm doing it, man.

Where are we at?

No, it's pretty high still.

We got a lot of work to do.

Lost the cap.

Oh, there it goes.

I'm about an eighth of the way there.

I have faith I can do it.

I'm going to be so bloated.

Chicken dinner, all right.

A Latina woman answered there.

I went down there and I got some of that chicken.

You know what I'm talking about?

Listen, I found some stuff in the food.

What did you find, sir?

It's disgusting.

Do I really...

Can you describe it for me?

I have to ask my director to see what you did.

What happened?

It's like a...

It's kind of...

I don't want to say it.

It's kind of nasty.

It's, you know, the man puts it on for the woman.

Yes.

You're kidding.

No.

Coughing.

Do you have the receiver, you?

Yeah, I do, and I have it here, too, and everything.

Do you want to see it?

Where you are right now?

Well, I was in my hotel, but I think you should call a cab

and come pick me up or something.

I don't know.

You know something?

Come as soon as possible.

Yeah, it was on the drumstick like it was a penis.

They rolled it on it, yeah.

And I started chewing on it for a while.

Yeah, I was chewing on it and everything.

The, the, the, would you like to speak with one of my supervisors?

Yeah, I think you should, yeah.

Do you think I have AIDS now?

I don't know, sir.

I might die now, right?

I don't know.

I didn't know what, I thought it was part, I thought it was like part of it, like the skin or something at first.

I don't know.

And I think there was like a man's hair on it, a few of them.

You, you just kidding or you told me the truth?

No, I'm telling you the truth, I think I have AIDS, yeah.

Can you put the manager on the phone, please?

Can you hold down for me?

Please hurry.

Okay.

Okay, hold on.

I thought you stopped that.

Okay, shut up.

Okay, just a second.

Shut up, okay.

You're telling me to shut up?

No, someone else.

Are you being rude?

No, no, not at all.

Right now, this is my supervisor, assistant manager, Christine, okay?

Don't be fresh, though, okay?

Sorry, sorry to hear about that.

You're being a little fresh with the mouth.

Thank you for holding.

My name is Christine.

Well, it's about time, Christine, that I speak to a manager there.

Is there any males that work there, or is this women?

There are some males that work here.

Are they in authority?

Did you not deal with me?

I don't know. I mean, can I... I don't know. I just don't have a good track record with women in management.

Well, there are women managers here, so, you know, we don't discriminate, so...

Maybe I'll find...

Go ahead and tell me your problem.

I was explaining to Gonzales that I found something in the chicken when I was eating it.

Okay.

Okay, and I don't want to be fresh or nasty, but it was something... it's something very crass and rude.

Okay, well, go ahead and tell me what it is.

Honestly, I'd rather tell a man. It's kind of... it's kind of nasty, so I think it's best that I tell a man what it is.

Okay, when was your visit?

It doesn't matter what man you put on the phone.

Just put a man on the phone.

I'll tell him what it is, and maybe he can tell you.

Okay.

Can you tell me when your visit was here?

It was earlier today.

Earlier today.

Today?

And you were here at the restaurant, right?

Yes.

Not at Chicken and Goat.

Hold on a second.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Hold on a second.

Get out of here with that music.

He's on the phone with another guest.

So hold on, okay?

Fine.

Nice to take you too fucking long.

Let's give him a call back and get faster service.

That's what I do.

Is the home that helped you?

Hey, Gonzalez, listen.

Listen, I was talking to that woman over there, and she hung up the phone.

No, he's not here now.

Just a moment.

Our director is on the phone with another guest.

Can you hold on a few more minutes?

Okay, Lopez.

I really appreciate it, okay?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Thank you.

Okay, shut up.

Bye.

Sick lady, I'm busy.

I'm busy.

I'm going to call back again.

He's going to be right with you right now.

Hold on.

Listen, I'm busy, and this is important.

I understand that, but he was with another guest, so hold on.

He just got off the phone.

Hang on.

Uh-huh.

I'll say it was an accident this time.

Right now, hold on.

Oh, God.

This is John.

Hey, Big John, how you doing?

Listen, I was eating the chicken, and I found something,

and I'm trying to explain to the lady over there,

but I don't want to say it because it's kind of crass what I found,

but it's disgusting.

What's that, sir?

I found a piece of a condom.

A piece of a condom?

Yes, and there was a hair on it and everything,

and it was rolled over, like, on top of the chicken leg and everything.

Was it?

I don't know what it was, but I chewed it and everything,

and I think I might die or have something or something, you know?

I don't know.

No, this is earlier today.

Now, if you could please explain that to the manager woman there,

and she can continue the conversation.

But I don't speak harsh, crass words to women like that.

But let her know what it is that I saw.

All right.

Did you...

No, it was to go.

I took her to go.

And there's condoms inside the chicken.

And I think that Hispanic woman, Juanita, put it in there.

Juanita.

Gonzalez, you know who I'm talking about?

The woman that answers the phone machine there.

I don't have a Juanita working for me.

Well, some Hispanic woman.

woman. I was just making presumptions what her name might be. I think it's Juanita or Maria or

something. You think it's one of my... Well, the woman answers the phone. I think she sounds kind

of sassy, and I think she put a condom in there. She put a used condom in it. Okay. Well, I'll

address the issue. Well, explain it to the woman, and then I'd like to have an explanation from her

because she's handling the issue, not you. I only speak to the people in charge there. I don't speak

to the cooks or anything like that. She says she's going to get the cook to come for me to

to say it to you, and then you're going to say it to her.

Well, I'm the general manager, so...

No, I don't quite care about that, and I don't want to talk to the woman

and stop passing the buck, you understand?

I'm the general manager.

Okay, well, if what you're saying is true,

if what you're saying is true, then I still don't care.

I need to speak to the woman that was taking care of my complaint originally.

I might write you down your complaint, and I might have you reprimanded.

You're going to have me reprimanded?

I might as well have you reprimanded, yes, sir,

if you don't stop with this and stop being fresh with me on the phone.

Why am I being fresh, sir?

Well, because you're refusing to put me through to a manager.

You see, there you go again, being nasty and fresh and sarcastic with me.

I am not being nasty and fresh.

Okay, I'm tired of speaking to the intern.

I'd like to speak to the management now, please.

Thank you.

That's your certificate.

Uh-huh, that's nice, honey.

Right now, our conversation will be at an end.

Do you understand that?

That's nice, honey.

Okay, thank you.

That's nice.

Go ahead and put her on.

Sir.

Yes, honey.

Yes, ma'am.

Now, listen, I'm going over you, buddy, okay?

I'm topping you out.

Now, put me on with the manager woman immediately, or I'm going to have your job.

You understand?

You're going to get fired.

Come on over.

You know what?

As a matter of fact, I'm writing up right now.

What's your name?

John.

John, what's your ID badge number?

You don't need to know that.

No, I command you to give it to me.

Now, you have permits.

I am not concerned.

You have permits.

If you continue to harass us, I will be making a...

Well, I've already made a formal complaint against you.

That's fine.

You take care of yourself, sir.

They love it when you, like, demote them.

I remember once I called this...

I was calling for a job, and the owner answered the phone, and I told him.

I accused him of trying to block me from getting the job because he was afraid that I was going to take his job out.

And he got upset.

He was mad.

He was like, I am the fucking manager, fucking asshole, like this and that.

Fuck that guy.

BFK laughing at, I command you to give me that.

Yeah, I do that a lot.

I don't know.

You know what I realized?

I don't know where I got that from, Tuck.

And then the other day, I was watching the Simpsons reruns on the local Fox channel.

They show two a day.

And I was watching one, and there was a Super Bowl episode.

And Homer was in the locker room after the Super Bowl.

He had snuck in with a bunch of guys from Springfield.

And President Bill Clinton called in to congratulate the winning team.

And Homer answered it.

And then he, like, dropped the phone.

And Bill Clinton was on the other end saying, hey, he's like, answer, answer.

I command you to answer.

And I'm pretty sure that's where I got it from, where I command people to answer.

Like, yeah.

You must imagine President Bill Clinton commanding someone to answer the phone.

That's right.

Talk about what you're inspired by.

in what aspect rock hudson i bet right yeah awesome rock hudson yep punk skater did said

hollywood vagina hollywood vanya had a birthday yesterday oh man i wish that guy would call in

he's a master of voices master of voices well happy birthday hollywood vanya if you're listening

out there at some point yeah all right numbers all right we got numbers in belfast northern

Northern Ireland. All right, folks. Calling Ireland first. Stand by.

There's a big scandal politically in Northern Ireland involving a guy called...

Yes, this is Mr. I command you to drop your political statements immediately and come to an accord with the United States of America

over a threatened expulsion from the North American Treaty Organization.

Hello? Yes, this is Valente. I'm calling from Chicago in the United States.

I'm commanding you to drop your political stance immediately and stop your opposition.

This is understood. Hello, sir. This is an international incident.

Is that Irish you're speaking with over there?

No, no, no. No, I will not do any such thing.

Uh-huh. And?

It's 10.05 in the United States.

Right, but I'm calling from America, so you must understand that I have jurisdiction here.

I have authority. I can call you up until midnight our time here.

And it's not a problem. Just understood?

Okay. So explain to me this whole political thing that's going on. What's the deal?

No, no, no. I think you're coming for yourself.

Because at the beginning of the conversation, you were agreeing to this and that about the political state this

this, and the political controversy this. Your wife has been having sexual relations

with several men. No, you've got the wrong person. Well, I think your wife, is your wife

promiscuous? Definitely not. She's 59 and she's been having sex with 19-year-olds, apparently.

No, no. Well, put her on the line and let her explain it to me. Matt, not Peter. Okay,

that's fine, yeah, I understand, but still, I need to speak to Iris, please. No, Matt,

you don't understand. My name is Paul. Right, that's true, yeah, I know, but still, I'm...

and I asked for P Robinson in Ireland and they connected me to you and they

assured me this is the Robinson that I need to speak with no well I'm sorry

but it's wrong well transfer me to the right person then please well okay you

transfer me to the to the Belfast switch then what about the Illinois transfer

station hello what's the patient righty then okay that was that all right so

thank you new new for telling me very late what I'm fishing Friday isn't like

what's I was like I don't know what the scandal was I'm just saying scandal

and Nunu's like typing and I'm waiting for him to hurry up and type what it is it's

apparently yeah so who's Pete Robinson is it is that the president of Ireland

the Chancellor of Ireland whatever they call him the grand drunk anyway we're

Calling out chicken.

This is not...

Oh, no.

You can hit me, understand.

I'm backed by popular denuncias.

All the Popeyes eating chicken and fries.

Yeah.

Call her at your own...

Understand.

I'm backed by popular denuncias.

You are now listening to...

Yes, hello.

Is this the chicken house?

Yes, sir, it is.

Listen, I'm not very happy with you.

I was looking at this commercial here

and this television spot,

and they were talking about things

that they found in the chicken machine.

And apparently they were accusing you

of putting items in the chicken.

There's preservatives and a certain chemical here that deters African Americans.

I apologize for that.

Why is there a circle K on the food, in the box? Why?

A circle K?

Yes, in a slave ship.

Let me give you to my manager.

There's a slave ship design on the bottle.

Thanks for holding. What can I do for you?

Listen, you have a circle K symbol on your chicken box and what seems to be a miniature depiction of a slave trade ship. Why?

Are you sure you're talking about the right place?

I have television headed on and they've reported you folks as being a whole fiasco and additives in your chicken.

Are you sure?

Absolutely.

Our chicken boxes are white, and there's nothing on them.

No, they're scrawled very small towards the bottom, where there's a circle K, which stands for Klan.

That's a good one, but as far as I know, there's nothing there.

It's a white, blank box.

It says it stands for Klan, is what they said, and there's a slave ship.

I've never seen that. There's nothing on our boxes.

Well, apparently, is there someone there who's drawing circle K on them?

Not that I know of. Why would anybody draw anything on our boxes?

Because they're racist.

Because they're racist and they're putting chemicals in a chicken.

Interesting.

Well, I appreciate the information, though.

Thank you.

Good to know.

I don't know what I'm getting at.

Fuck.

Give me a second, folks.

I'll be right back.

Chusa State's police.

I talked to them.

All right, everybody.

We got a voicemail here from the, from somewhere.

Let's see what it is.

See what it is.

Any second now, the fucking will play.

Any second now, the fucking shit will play.

Ah, never mind.

I'll have to get back to you later.

Any second now.

Hi, this is Deputy.

What's your name?

I just received a call regarding a Wanda Nelson

and stating that someone from this number has been calling and harassing her.

I would really appreciate a call back as soon as possible.

I work from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. in the morning,

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday of this week,

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of next week.

Call back number will be...

La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

And they will be able to get a hold of me.

Thank you very much.

Me, me, me.

What was that?

that's the sheriff calling back on the stolen iphone machine

the sheriff on the sheriff sheriff well i got a nice bassy voice there all of a sudden hey

something white rbcb's cacti went down the cacti is down everybody breaking news here this is boner

losses boner this is code word for code word that uh rbcb losses boner sucks if you're trying to

can see folks let's continue on the crescent townhouse hey they're northern ireland isn't

that the place where a lot of car bombs are and they made that drink he makes beer and uh milk

texas car bomb probably something not to bring up during the break out there rbcp is fixing the

software machine listen i lost my iphone machine there iphone machine and i got a call from the

sheriff himself and he says that that lady over there took the iphone machine there that i had

and has possession of it right now.

So you give me all the information over this one

dealie. There's a person who's

staying there right now. She has my

iPhone. I left my iPhone there,

my iPhone machine, and she took it, and she

has possession of it, and I want you

to, matter of fact, I want you to kick her out

right now of the room, and I want you to hold her credit

card. Look, that's

an unlocked iPhone. You need to put a hold

on her credit card for $500 US.

What's her name? Valente.

Valente! Damn it. Yes.

Listen, I spoke to the sheriff's office, and

And they gave me authorization that this is the correct place.

And they transferred my call.

I'm sorry, this is the wrong hotel.

No, no, no, no.

Listen, listen.

They tracked it down to this hotel.

There's someone using my phone in this hotel.

I have the GPS turned on right now.

Then maybe you have it.

Because if no one else is there except for you,

and my GPS tells me that it's right here at this hotel,

then obviously you have it.

How did you steal my cell phone and get it all the way to Ireland?

Well, who sold it to you then?

Tell me the truth.

Was he black?

The truth.

No, who took it?

Tell me.

Just be honest with me.

tell me you won't get in trouble if you tell me i won't be mad i won't be mad it's okay you can

tell me honey it's okay you're talking about is there a black man there no of course there isn't

what's that supposed to mean any blacks there usually no why not is there not a lot of blacks

in ireland or something really no why not you guys scare them out snakes like the snakes did you did

you chase him out with chicken chicken yeah chicken like chicken because black people like

chicken you know like chicken i eat chicken right now right because you know they go after the

chickens they're hungry they go with the chicken well in ireland you know that there was a fag that

that, um, used the, um, played the saxophone and all the snakes falling on him out of Ireland.

You know what I'm talking about?

Hey, Piper.

Yeah, that guy.

You know who I'm talking about?

Snakes tasted like chicken, so then after the snakes left, all the black people left, too.

You got any fears?

You got any fear of snakes?

You ever see a snake?

You ever touch one?

No, it's fun to touch a snake.

No, no, no, I mean like a real snake.

Not my penis or anything, but like, you ever go to a serpentarium?

I'm sure there's a snake over there.

There's gotta be a snake house.

Well, there you go.

There's, we should make a serp-

Me and you should open a serpentarium.

Put snakes in there.

You just afraid of snakes?

Maybe that's why, because you're afraid of snakes.

You don't want to do it, right?

Admit it, you're a chicken.

Why would I be a chicken?

Well, because you're afraid of snakes.

We got much business.

Well, there's no one else doing a Serpentarium in Ireland, you just said,

so let's open up the damn Serpentarium.

I just do snakes already.

I got two rattlesnakes.

Yeah, you ever see a snake?

Yeah, what was it doing?

Pessing.

Yeah?

Pessing out of you?

No, but I mean like in person.

You ever see a snake in person?

No, a snake in person, like on your own.

Like you're walking around and you see a snake machine.

You never seen a snake before in real life?

You're probably scared, that's why.

You think they're really having a...

Yeah, but there's snakes around, and you're so afraid of them that you won't go see them in person.

Well, look, I think it's going to be the big thing.

There's no snakes in Ireland.

We'll open up a serpentarium there, like, in one of the rooms.

Why don't you go to England, the English respect?

No, I don't like England.

There's no one like England.

I'm not going to go to England.

That's a good insult over there in Ireland, apparently.

Why don't you go to England?

Listen, why don't you go to hell?

This is the cuckold.

Hello.

This is Valente.

This is the cuckold.

Listen.

Listen to me.

I spoke to the operator, and I said I had to speak to...

And they connected me to you.

Calling from the United States Phone Administration.

Excuse me?

What do you want?

I need you to confirm your phone number.

Yeah, I know, but you need to confirm your phone number, sir.

I'm calling from the phone administration, and you're using...

Your phone has been traced as using an inordinate phone number.

So confirm the phone number now.

No, I'm not.

Under the royal order, in the name of the Queen of England.

Listen, you jerk, you...

Stupid.

I really am hungry. I gotta eat something, man.

Eat something.

Hold it. I gotta eat.

We're like Little Richard, Isaac Brothers, you know, Wilson Pickett.

That's how I'm...

Thank you.

Justin says, breaking news, NBA stadium evacuated over broken water pipe at the Grizzlies-Lakers.

Oh, as long as it's not the Magic game.

That's the game I'm watching.

Big deal, broken water pipe, what's the big deal?

So what, a water pipe breaks and they evacuate the stadium?

Jesus Christ, is that for real?

Let me check the old CNN.com, because Georgia Port has been sucking lately.

They don't update shit on there.

I thought it was just because of the holidays.

I hear something weird.

From the Drudge Report.

What is it?

Mystery object to whiz by Earth on Wednesday.

Huh.

When did this come out?

Did you hear about this, guys?

Tuck?

Cocon, you know about a mystery object supposed to whiz by the Earth?

What's this about?

Oh, man.

Mystery object?

Yeah.

It has something to do with that guy that was prank called about a year and a half ago.

A mystery...

That UFO guy?

Uh-huh.

Really?

A mystery object from space is about to whiz close by Earth on Wednesday.

It won't hit our planet, but scientists are stumped by what exactly it is.

Astronomers say it may be space junk or it could be a tiny asteroid too small to cause damage even if it hit.

It's 33 to 55 feet wide at most.

NASA says on Wednesday at 7.47 a.m. Eastern Standard Time,

It will strike by, missing Earth by about 80,000 miles.

That's far away.

In the western United States, it may be bright enough to be seen with a good amateur telescope.

The story is dated at 1.52 p.m. today.

So, Coke, the guy that was really rude to me that said he hated Americans,

that guy, is that who you're talking about?

That guy, what, predicted this or something?

Yeah, no, no, no.

He's just involved in that big cover-up, that's all.

It's a big cover-up, according to him, yeah.

We're going to play it now.

we gotta find that war that cold is i don't know i don't want to know i don't want to know i don't

want to care maybe i don't know maybe it's maybe it's that mothership that uh lewis ferricon used

to always talk about you know there's a mothership up there with the honorable wajid muhammad and all

that yeah maybe that's it maybe that's the race war is going to start it all right cool

i'm on the right side i'm on the colored side and efk saying it's a space peanut good point

so apparently the news came and i'm i'm i'm so intrigued by this on friday i think it was of

last week, the news stories

started hitting the waves about

Leno being cancelled at 10 o'clock

and they're gonna, what, NBC

wants to put Leno on from 11.30

to midnight and then Conan's gonna go

midnight to 1, right? And then

Jimmy Fallon... Conan ain't moving.

No, Conan said no.

Yeah, and fuck that. He shouldn't move, man.

That's a fucking dick move. Fuck Jay Leno

just fucking retire, asshole.

He had a shot. He retired.

He just becomes fucking Jay Leno.

Fuck Jay Leno. Yeah, what's a big fucking

fucking deal and it's fucking nbc's fault in the first place but how they're gonna mess up they're

gonna bastardize the institution that the tonight show is man the tonight show has the longest story

to history you know you've got fucking jay leno of course and then dude the you know i grew up

watching johnny carson johnny carson was where he was at i mean i didn't grow up it was on late but

on friday nights exactly on friday nights i used to remember but we'll stay up until 11 30 i could

watch it when i was a little older it was like eight nine years old you know and on the holidays

Sometimes I stay up late

I watch the Tonight Show

With my granddad and stuff

We used to always have fun with that

Now they're gonna come

They're gonna move it

You know, no, they can't do that

And that's bullshit to Conan

Conan didn't get his shot

You know, they're gonna

And why

I can't stand Leno

Leno fucking sucks

Sucks

Acid Pest says Conan's gonna go to Fox

Yeah, yeah

Actually, he was on

One of our last week

And it was like the lamest

Dry

Lamest

Weakest

Monologue

Right

Yeah

I mean, it's got like a story

what occurred in god knows how right steve allen right i've seen some of the steve allen stuff he

was i mean that's going back to like the 60s or 50s i think i think it might have been like the

50s that they started the tonight show right and there was some other dude too also that i think

they moved to daytime and and shit but yeah i really hope what i really hope it happens

to be honest with you i hope that uh that um leno or conan you know what conan's gonna have to end

end up probably going to fox or something and i hope he beats the shit out of leno and the ratings

and but but i i also hope that letterman even beats uh jay if he takes the tonight show over

that time spot again that would be awesome but yeah good for conan saying no fuck that we're

not gonna be a privy to that we're not yeah don't accept that shit and jimmy fallon having

shouldn't have to deal with getting kicked out and getting moved around jimmy fallon show is

pretty funny i like jimmy fallon show i dvr it and i watch it occasionally and i see clips

also and stuff i like jimmy fallon so he's cool he's he's a cool dude and then nobody gives a

fuck carson daly was every once in a while here someone's a little carson daly's i was a really

fucked he's gonna be at home together i don't even know that old fuck we're still doing the show

who stays up that late what time does that come on two in the morning i haven't stayed up that

late like since i used to work the graveyard shift i'd be getting home around the time uh

you know carson daly was coming on yeah

I don't really.

I stopped recording because it kept filling up.

I used to record Letterman and Conan.

I used to DVR Letterman and Conan.

And I would skim through them.

Or if I heard it was, oh, so-and-so was on Letterman, it was a crazy interview.

And I'd skim through it.

But when they did the switch, I couldn't only record two channels at once.

And I couldn't just fill up that block.

There's a lot of other shows that Athena likes that comes on at 11.30.

And I couldn't record Letterman and Quinn at the same time.

So I just gave it up altogether.

I figured if it's an important interview or something crazy that happens,

it'll be on YouTube anyway or Hulu or NBC.com or CBS.com or whatever.

You can see all that shit now.

But I heard, did NBC pull a lot of shit off of Hulu anyway?

I heard about that.

A lot of people complaining about that.

That's some shit.

Yes, but Conan is getting fucked over in this whole thing,

and I think it's a bunch of bullshit.

Mikey129 confirming,

last call with Carson Daly is at 2 a.m.

Morton Downey.

That's right, Morton Downey was a fucking interesting show.

I remember watching that.

I remember he had Tiffany on there.

Tiffany.

That one singer bitch, Tiffany.

And it'll become like a Playboy horror and all that.

All right, we got a hotel in Qatar.

Tar, or Tar, how are we supposed to pronounce it?

The Grand Hotel, let's go ahead and call them about a man.

What's the whole thing we say?

One man, one room?

No, no, no.

One room.

Fuck, what do we say?

One something, one something, two men?

Bam.

26 cents per minute.

Holy shit.

Balls on a hand stick.

Yes, hello.

I may speak to a man, or do I have to speak to a woman?

Woman.

Woman?

Okay, I want you to put me down for a reservation for two men in the same room at the same time.

One bed.

No, no, no.

One bed for two.

One bed.

No, no, no. One room, one bed, two men.

One room, one bed, one king-size bed, two men?

Yeah, together in a king-size bed.

It's not allowed, sir. Two men in one king-size bed.

No, no. I'm totally doing it. I don't have a problem with it.

And you don't have a problem with it either.

Sorry, sir. It's not allowed here.

Why not?

I said it's not allowed.

Why not? What's going to happen?

Two men in one king-size bed.

Well, we can't...

Maybe one twin room. We cannot, sir.

No, but what... Can we...

We're not allowed that much.

Okay, so what if I take the...

Twin bed. A twin room.

Listen!

Damn it listen

What if I take the beds

And push them together after

Two beds

But then when you

When we get the room

We're gonna put the beds together

Yeah they really got that thing

They're like

One

One and one

Two beds

And two beds only

Fuck that

Fuck what you knew

We got another one

In the sad area

In Doha

Qatar

Yeah but that is bullshit man

About Conan man

I won't

Sad area

I won't dwell on it any longer

But that's ass

That's ass

And apparently there was

What was it now

There was an earthquake

earthquake 7.0 in Haiti watch out holy but then when when we get the room we're gonna put

together we're gonna put the beds together exactly there's nothing wrong with that thank you I'm gonna

eat my sandwich that was Hollywood I was hoping it was Hollywood I was talking to myself I don't

know some white guy calling in some white kid playing with the phone an allegation has been

received that the left one at the wrong time you left one of them for a card that was Rick what

Are you giving him some parts of a car?

Yes. Do you need car parts?

Yeah.

What do you need?

Yeah, because he was looking at Craigslist.

So when can he go and pick up some parts?

Well, what kind of parts does he need?

Does he speak Spanish? Is that the problem? Is he an immigrant?

Well, yeah. He speaks just Spanish.

Well, ask him what kind of part he needs for the car.

What kind of car machine is it?

What type of vehicle do you want the parts for?

He said for another Ford Mustang.

For another Ford Mustang?

Yeah.

All right, so I can only show my parts to you.

So send the woman over to look up the parts, my parts.

What do you mean?

My private parts.

She went all Mexican on me.

Someone is apparently putting our number in Craigslist, and that's awesome.

I'm coming to see the parts.

I was wondering what was going on.

I don't know. I got a call on this lady talking about parts.

What's your ass saying, you know?

I don't know.

If you're going to do that, though, let me know before you do.

What was she asking for?

Someone put in an ad in Craigslist that we were giving away parts, car parts or something.

thing and the ladies go looking for car parts oh my god how you need the parts you say yeah well

yeah this depends on a few things i mean do you don't want to you want to trade or you just want

the car the whole thing you're going to bring the truck okay all right do you want to sit down in

the car and take it for a spin a little bit drive with me yeah listen if you want the car you need

to come down and we need to you know walk together hold hands and go in the car together holding

hands and you know try the car for a little bit if you like it then you know

maybe I'll you know you can have it you want that you need it for parts or what

do you want for yeah yeah you want you can sit in the car with me and we'll

listen to the radio for a little bit and then you know then I'll give it to you

but I want you to spend time with me first because I need to say goodbye to

the car too okay all right winning when can you come well come can you come now

cuz I'd like you to come now I'm gonna be in the car with no pants are you

Are you going to wear pants or how are you going to do it?

I don't understand.

You're going to put the car in the trailer?

On the trailer.

And you're going to take it where exactly?

At your junction.

Are you going to break stuff or?

Like, I'm going to pick it up and then scrap it.

Well, can you fix the car?

I mean, look at it.

What do you think?

You look at the picture.

I'm going to fix it.

Yes, what is good and then scrap it.

Okay, well, let's sit.

I want you to sit in the car with me for a little bit and then we'll touch each other.

We'll look at our private parts together and then we'll talk about the car parts.

Hello?

Listen, someone said pinche cabrón or something over there.

What's that?

No, you know what? I don't want to do business with you, okay?

Because you sound a little ethnic to me.

Rumor that you were going around stealing cars already.

And I think...

Oh, you say you just want to get rid of the car, so I just want to help you.

Just want to take that one out of the way, but it's your car. It's still your car.

Yeah, but are you the person that did this to my car?

Go shove it up your asshole, man, all right? Get out the fuck.

So apparently it's in Phoenix, one of our listeners here.

And dude, don't be... We're not upset at you.

I just, he posted a link in the PLA chatroom, and I sent it over to the Madhouse room also.

I got messages that the phone's going to ring off the hook now with people looking for parts.

Damn, I didn't know Craigslist was that popular.

I don't really hang out on the Craigslist.

Collision.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Okay, you saw the Mustang?

Okay.

Well, you got to have your own transportation to come pick it up.

Some person came over and destroyed the car over here.

Oh, I can pick it up.

I can pick the whole thing up.

Yeah, so come fix it for me.

Are you the person that came over here?

I said it as a trap.

No.

No, somebody damaged my car, and I put it on crack.

I put it as a trap.

Trap, sir.

You're being trapped right now.

I'm sucking.

I'm flapping the wind.

It's my fault.

I'm getting great...

Give me an idea here, folks, people, please.

I don't want to just do a trap.

I'm going to talk about it here and meditate real quick.

Let's put some of the voiceover we've seen on it.

Let's see.

Yeah, my name's Josh Evans.

I was trying to get a hold of Carlton.

If you can return the call to number 602, Mustang picking up for tow.

Thank you.

Bye.

The guy said my name is Carlton.

It says, wreck my Mustang.

This is what's left over.

Come get a part you need or take it all.

Call Carlton.

It's got the madhouse line.

That's awesome.

Whoever did that, kudos on you.

Do another one.

Come up with something.

Just let me know before you do so I know what the calls are about.

You've got to help me out.

Come up with a premise because you just posted in there.

Ask them for something in trade.

Yeah, true, true.

What else could we have?

That's funny.

It's a funny thing that you can come up with.

That guy's...

He did a trippy up.

That's what he did.

The guy's brilliant, whoever posted this.

Yeah, my name is Justin.

I'm calling about the wrecked Mustang.

You can call it Floyd.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

All right, cool.

Yeah, there's another voicemail.

Wow, they're coming in left and right.

Let's see if there's any more.

People just sitting there watching.

I got a text message here.

You still have Mustang, Christopher.

Where can I get parts?

Car and Christopher.

All right, I'm going to text it back.

Yeah, I have the car machine still.

are you interested

get it off

I'm thinking I could just say that I stole the car

like that I don't know who's the car

I don't know who the owner is I'm gonna say I'm with a valet

and then I parked the valet car and

something ran over it let's say a bus ran

over it and we're trying to get rid of it

so we can claim it as stolen before

people come man

accused someone of being way until they die

interesting that's crazy

oh man yeah I want to trade

for a working Escalade Hollywood Vine

I'm sure that's gonna fly yeah

Yeah, yeah.

Here's your old trade show.

You got a BMW there.

Let's see if anybody else calls.

I love it.

That's awesome.

Bus not included.

Yes, definitely.

Space Biso.

It's saying more Craigslist.

It's pleased.

But not too many at once.

We'll do one at a time.

When it slows down like this one is now, then we'll post another one.

Definitely.

I like it.

Ask him if it's okay if the car has a dead body or drugs in it.

Here we go.

We have a winner.

I'm sorry?

Sorry? You're calling about the Mustang?

Uh-huh.

You're calling about what now, the Mustang?

Yes.

Let me look at the papers here for you. Give me a second, all right?

Okay.

The 2000 Mustang.

The 2000?

Yes.

Where can I see it?

Honestly, if you can get here as quick as possible, because I'm trying to get rid of it before the owner comes around.

See, we're the valet company. We're at the Buca di Beppo.

We do valet parking, and this bus ran over the back of it, or the front of it.

The back of the bus ran over it, and so we're trying to get rid of it before this person comes to claim the car.

so we just claim it's stolen you see oh i see okay yeah but it's yours you can have it definitely i

mean okay we're just gonna claim it as stolen um you have a trailer or yeah all right thank you

okay back go back go kiss all over there

dude this is a 36 mustang yeah right yeah 36 shelby 36 mustang wait a minute

i don't think there were any 36 mustangs now i get it oh nuna you're pretty smart

All right, Grishnab's saying to send him home to Denny's.

Okay, good deal, good deal.

Okay, you got it.

All right, and he sent me a link to the map.

Thank you, sir.

If that's you, Grishnab, that's doing it.

Let's do another one, man.

Come on, come on, come on.

Something lickety-split, lickety-split.

All right, good, we're good.

But make it a different car.

So I know, based on the car, they're talking about which ad it is.

What about your ad on your Craigslist?

Oh, yes, the Mustang, yeah.

Did you want to come pick it up?

Yeah, is it just a big pile of parts that needs to be removed?

Moved.

Well, basically, it's the car.

They left it here for valet, and then we need you to come pick it up.

Just get it out of here.

No, no, it's the car.

It was valet.

It got backed over, and we're trying to get it out of the parking lot.

It's unclaimed.

Oh, no kidding.

Well, we don't know.

We're just trying to get it out of here, trying to get it off the hands.

I gotcha.

You have a trailer?

Yeah.

Okay, so we're here at the Denny's, myself and my African-American friend.

What's that?

Myself and my African-American friend who just happens to be holding a pillow sack,

but I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Okay, dude.

Dude, I'll talk to you later.

I got a bag full of quarters for you.

Bag full of quarters.

Yeah, I was in Miami once walking on South Beach with my ex-girlfriend,

and this kid approached us and said, hey, do you want to buy some stuff?

I'm like, what?

He's like, yeah, maybe your girlfriend wants to buy.

I'm like, what do you got?

I got some makeup and candy.

I'm like, no thanks.

Apparently he had stolen a purse and was trying to sell the makeup and the shit out of it

to get some money and probably get it fixed.

Gotta love Miami.

I'll try not to kill him with that stolen thing at the beginning here.

Hello, this is Carlton.

This is Carlton.

Nope.

She says, don't tell him to come pick it up.

Well, don't tell him to come...

Tell him to come pick it up, get in the address of Denny's.

All right, cool.

So we can just get him to show up at the Denny's.

Now, we could call the Denny's and follow up.

I'm going to say I work at the Denny's.

Go inside of the Denny's and ask for a so-and-so.

I used to live in their wool market.

Yeah?

And there were guys that were, like, trying to sell you off, like, hams.

Hams?

And ladies' dresses and caller IDs.

I got to call the dentist to get the contact for someone there.

This is Carlton.

Um, yeah, do you still have the Mustang, bro?

Yeah, the Mustang, yeah.

You got to come pick it up, though.

Yeah.

You got a wrecker, or are you going to come pick it up?

Somebody drives the, what's it called, the thing that they...

Machine?

Uh, yeah, the one that they, the flatbed?

Yeah, the one that goes, vroom, like that.

It goes, vroom.

Yeah.

Vroom, vroom, vroom.

Like that one?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know that shit.

Yeah, I used to drive one of those back in the service.

Yeah, my boy has one of those.

Oh, yeah, your boy?

Oh, that's cool, your boyfriend.

Yeah, you're gonna come down with him?

Um, yeah.

Alright, cool.

You need the address?

Alright, said fuck.

Alright, well, you gotta be here as soon as...

I mean, I gotta get this shit out of here.

They're gonna give me a thousand dollar fine every morning that they come by and this fucking thing is here.

They put me a fine.

I go, fuck that shit.

I'm getting it out of here.

I don't give a fuck.

No.

Come down with the record.

I mean, how soon can you be here?

So I let them know.

I gotta let...

Oh, well, I was thinking of going tomorrow, bro.

I'm gonna be honest.

Fuck.

When?

When tomorrow?

But you know what?

Let me see.

Let me call my buddy up

And then I'll give you a call back

Alright you do that buddy

I'll be here

Alright

Call me back tonight though

Alright I gotta get rid of this shit

Alright

Alright bye

Alright cool this is awesome

I'm just gonna start sending all the records

We need

Let's call that Denny's real quick

And ask for a name

I'll get a name here

Get all these people to show up

At a certain time

And then phone the

I'll just

I'll just have them show up

When they do

And tell them just go

Go inside and ask for it

Yeah I work at the Denny's

Or just have them go to Denny's

Who cares

Just have them show up

Just give a bunch of records

Just showing up in that fucking place

all day tonight tomorrow yeah sure come on down i just plug up their parking lot with tow trucks

i love it i love it great idea okay hopefully more of those come in and we could even choose

another another vehicle to give out that's funny the first one was great i had no idea what was

going on the lady cursed me out in spanish she called me pinche caron this is you say that

that's fighting words in mexico man anyway we like to do a slow blues here

if it's all right we like to do a thing called a lonesome train we can call it that

that for right now.

And this is the

degree to get them a car if they fancy a bum.

Good idea.

Hear my train a-comin'.

Yes, I'll hear my train a-comin'.

Yeah, the Mustang is here. We gotta...

Dude, they're fining me $500

every day that they come by

and they see it's still here. We gotta get it out as soon

as I can, man. We're on 7th.

Yeah. And on Phoenix.

To North 7th. Yeah, 7th

Street. Yeah.

We're not gonna take it. We gotta come.

you're going to come down when you're going to come down i need to get honestly i need to get

out of here as soon as possible as soon as possible right now all right yes that's right

thank you okay i lost him i'm going to be more convincing when i do is there we got another

voicemail here too let's see i got to call the ones that leave a voicemail hi um i'm calling

this number and it was left on craigslist before the left thing wrecked this is a real place and

getting rid of this car please give me a call back no all right let's call him back then i

I should be able to just click on it, and yeah, look at that.

God, I got a little Google voice.

That's awesome.

Awesome!

Yeah, this is Carlton.

Did you call?

Yes, I was calling about your free car.

Yeah, we're getting fine, $500 every day that it's here.

We just found out.

They're going to come by tomorrow morning.

We need to get it out as soon as we can.

I don't know.

Do you have a wrecker?

Yes, I have a trailer and everything.

I can come pick it up.

Uh-huh.

Come as soon as possible.

Well, yeah, I would definitely appreciate it.

I mean, as long as you can get it out of here, like I said,

No questions asked.

How soon can you be here, as a matter of fact?

As soon as possible.

As soon as you want me down there, I can be there.

All right.

Well, fine.

Well, come on down.

Do you need the address, I'm presuming?

You want me to come down right now, then?

Well, yeah, yeah, as soon as you can.

We need to get out of here tonight.

Give me the address, please.

2 North 7th.

Over there.

Right, right.

I'll give you a call.

I'm going to get my trailer on right now, and I'll be headed that way right now.

I'm coming from downtown Phoenix.

All right, sure.

Whatever.

Just give me a call.

I'm here waiting.

Thank you.

All right.

this is fun he he I see we got any more here nothing yet nothing yet all right

we got another one here I gotta make sure that these are ones we already

talked to you though it's a 480 area code superstition Apache Junction what

kind of place is that so it's Gilbert then all right I'll make sure make it

none of that not the cell that is Gilbert I said we can just get him to

show up at the Denny's fucking fucking party days I think I just say it is the

Denny's yeah we're heard Denny's there's three of them well I got the

address already for the denny's i got it yeah well i got the address in gilbert yeah we'll send that

in yeah yeah yeah yeah let me let me call and get a name the next person that calls and say yeah um

when you get here i'm the owner i gotta get a man's name though

sorry for the lag here i'm just trying to coordinate this is coordinate this is best

of paul so we have numbers from lois and loser here also to get to

well solution is the next one we can set it up find a webcam and send all the people the

location where the live webcam is located good idea good idea that's right um yeah so yeah we

gotta do this in the town that's got a live webcam where we can see people coming into the store

and so yeah come in and ask for so-and-so such and such and danny's hopefully works

best asking if she should buy 50 pink flamingos for 80 dollars

yeah listen um i have just some information here for myself is there a male manager there

or that I might have been working with?

Yes, there is.

Who was that exactly?

I would like to give him a call.

Who?

He's right here.

Who was it?

Hold on one second.

No, who was his name?

Jason.

Jason, okay.

Go ahead, please.

Jason.

Hi, Jason.

You're the manager there?

At the moment, yeah.

Great.

Jason, I just want to thank you.

I had a great, I had a good experience here.

Probably the best time I ever had at Denny's.

I thought I would never go back.

I just want to, on your behalf, just congratulate the staff, okay?

Oh, well, fantastic.

When were you in?

Just a few hours ago.

though. I don't know if you were there at the time or not, but

I don't really remember who my server was, but

I had a great time. Kudos to you guys,

Jason. Well, fine. Thank you.

I won't care. Okay, Jason.

Take it easy. Can I get a name from you?

Yeah, this is, huh? This is Carlton.

I'm sorry? Carlton. Carlton.

Yeah. All right, Carlton. I'll make a note of it. Thanks.

All right. Take it easy. Bye-bye. Yep.

All right, good. So from now on, whenever anybody calls for the

mouse stand, we're going to tell them to ask for it. You know, this is

Carlton. No. What is it? Yeah, they're going to

be calling for Carlton. Let's say I ask for Jason

at the front yeah but that's the problem though yeah i'm saying my name is carlton

ah who cares we'll figure it out we'll sell master jason at the front desk all right folks we'll have

more of those did that here again here we go this guy's texting out the ass what christopher where

is it at christopher you still have mustang christopher this guy's really desperate for

the mustang what's the place called again what's the town called not phoenix what's it called

gilbert gilbert thank you that christopher how's it going hey not bad man you got any way to come

come pick up this Mustang?

Oh, like you didn't

talk about the whole car?

Yeah, well,

you just want to get

parts off of it?

Not good.

No, I'm trying to

get it out of here.

No, I got to get it

out of here, man.

You got a wrecker

or something?

You want to come

look at it?

It's yours.

If you want to get

some parts off,

just take it right off

if you want.

I could probably

get something.

I mean, pretty much

I could probably just,

you know, pretty much

I could take whatever

you can get off there

pretty much and take it

to the scrap yard

and just, you know,

put a couple, you know,

four or five hundred

dollars off there.

All right, cool. You want the address?

Yeah, um, hey, are you all right?

Were you in the car when you had the accident?

No, someone did that, and there was no one in the car.

We got lucky.

Heck, that's pretty bad.

No, look, I was, um,

I was too far on the fucking train tracks,

and I saw the train coming, couldn't go back,

couldn't go forward, we jumped out of the car, and bam.

That's crazy.

Yeah, man. Train's fine.

Are the seats or anything good in it?

Are the what?

Yeah, the seats are good.

One of them is kind of hanging out there,

but this should be good.

Those all got nice leather, smelled good.

I kept a clean armor on and everything.

Yeah, so that was pretty much probably maybe in...

Back wheels are good or not?

Yeah, the back wheels are good, the front wheels are kinda fucked up, you can have those for spares,

you can have a distributor cap too if you want, all that shit.

Alright.

North 7th.

And Gilbert.

Like, um...

Where you at? Like, Gilbert, I mean...

What's the main cross street?

2 on, uh...

Oh fuck, where the fucking...

What's that road? Campbellback and 7th at the...

Yeah, it's in the parking lot here.

We left it here.

I'm the owner's son.

You gotta ask for Jason when you come in.

You can just grab the cars.

I don't think no one's gonna say anything.

The cars on 7th Street and Camelback?

Yeah, it's in the parking lot.

My dad's parking lot.

7th Street and Camelback.

Yeah.

Alright, so, what?

He's like, yeah, right.

Eh, he ain't gonna fall for it, little fucker.

Smart little monkey, him.

People are on to it.

Sometimes they heard about Facebook scams.

Ooh.

all right let's call New Zealand and we have I'm upgrading to a space car see

the cars nine years old it must be about a 2009 model pretend to be in the year

2018 if they question and accuse her on your other photo shoot Carlton I called

you on earlier yeah I haven't answered me I've been calling him no man is there

any way that I could chop that's here in the parking lot I mean if you think you

can do it but it's got to be a night I mean you got to get this shit out of

here it's gotta yeah yeah so like it like if i if i chopped it right down the middle and threw it

no that's fine with me i mean if it's safe i mean you got to get the gas out of it or something

yeah yeah yeah yeah it's pretty much safe bro all right when can you be here let me ask my dad and

see what he what he says all right you got the address right yeah and when you get here just

ask for jason at the desk and he'll make sure that everything's okay all right you know okay

all right hold on he a pisser he is desperate he wants to chop it down the middle hey hey it's

That's because he said he might have time tomorrow, though.

Dude, tomorrow, that's a thing, too.

Yeah, but I got another fine, bro.

I don't know.

Fine.

I don't want to do that, either.

To me, if I had that shit, I had the fucking truck right now, dude, I would fucking go take it right now.

Yeah, well, if you want to come tomorrow, that's cool.

You can be here in the morning or when?

Yeah, in the morning, bro.

All right, well, come, and then just make sure you talk to Jason, because I probably won't be here in the morning.

Just let Jason know that, you know, Carlton sent you for the car.

It'd be cool.

I'll leave a note.

What's your name?

Omar.

All right, Omar.

Omar. I got your number, too. Alright, Omar,

leave the note with Jason. Just, you know,

I'll let him know Omar's coming in. Just come and say

you're Omar about the car and go ahead.

Make sure they don't think there's some crazy shit

going on, alright? Yeah. You got the address, right?

Yeah, bro. Alright, bro. Alright, thank you.

Thank you, bro. Yep. Alright, cool.

He's gonna be coming in the morning. Let's see then.

No, I see it down.

It doesn't appear that Craig's list.

I don't know much of Craig's list. This was the author

that did it already. Someone else in Texas?

Or with a Texas IRA code.

I just saw the car in Clark's list.

All right, let's give him a call.

I'm a little nervous there.

I don't want to do it.

All right, let me see here.

Someone's posting a new link.

Let's see if this is the same one.

Mustang part.

That's so funny.

What are you giving away?

There's nothing left.

Do you really think that someone would go pick up junk?

What?

That's funny.

Someone's posting a response to it.

That's funny.

A lot of people apparently are calling in to pick it up, you dumb shit.

I know you're not listening to the show, but still.

Getting back to that other number I was going to dial instead.

Plan this right next time.

We're going to have like two or three of them going.

Make a whole show out of it.

Hey, this is Carlton.

and you texted me you said about the the car with the mustang or what i must detect the wrong thing

it was about the mustang whatever prick newton says do the 2018 you're right i know i know i got

it i got it come on ladies i'm coming to pick up that car okay you're a wreck car right now yeah

yes i try to put a seventh in my gps and it won't work it's it's the number seven yeah five zero

7-0-0-2 North 7th.

7th.

Yeah, I'm trying to put it in my GPS right now, and it won't take it.

I don't know.

Can you just give me directions there?

Well, you know the...

I'm not from around here normally.

I'm visiting my dad.

Oh, okay.

The parking lot is the dead...

Yeah.

What...

Cross Street.

Well, 7th and Camelback.

7th and Camelback?

Yeah.

So that's not Gilbert, that's Phoenix.

Yeah, yeah, Gilbert.

The thing Gilbert, Arizona?

Yeah.

On 7th Avenue and Camelback, that's not Phoenix.

Phoenix.

Dude, whatever it is, it's the car's here at the...

Yeah.

7th Avenue and Camelback.

Yes.

I mean, you're going to be able to take it, right?

Are you taking parts or are you going to take the whole thing?

Because if it stays for another...

I'll take the whole thing.

They're going to fine us another $500, man.

No, I'll be able to take the whole thing.

I'll be leaving right now.

Okay.

All right, man.

Well, you come just...

If you ask for a car and if I'm not there, ask for Jason.

One of us will be able to just say you're here for the car.

What was your name?

Austin.

All right, I got you down, Austin.

just say you're austin about the car no yeah we'll get we'll show you where it is it's right it's

right in the front it's on the side you'll be able to see it okay see i'm gonna it's on seventh

avenue camelback all right see you i'm headed there right now okay bye so is it is it

is it phoenix or camel or whatever phoenix or whatever whatever greer gilbert grisham says

gilbert was in the ad all right so it is phoenix okay all right well confirmation make sure we know

that confirmation understood got a text message from tampa saying hey sexy apparently someone's

posting in the uh sex chat rooms again awesome thank you let's say hey babe what's up it's quite

awesome i love this hello hey man what's up i was gonna ask you my boy got the trailer and

he told me yeah but you wouldn't have a forklift around there would you yeah i just i don't know

if we could i mean i mean was that gonna work will it get damaged or something or this is what

What you could do, we could lift it with the jack in the front,

and then you could put the forklift under it, right in the center, and just lift it up.

And then push it in kind of like that, or back the trailer back, I guess?

Yeah, lift it up, and then back the trailer up and put it down.

Yeah, I can get Jason to get the forklift out of the back.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah?

Yeah, that'll work.

Yeah, sure.

All right, I'll let him know.

Okay, early in the morning.

Okay.

All right, man.

Well, you can come at any time, 6 o'clock and later.

It's good.

Okay, um, can I tell you, completely together, like, in the picture?

Yeah, it's still together. It's just all fucked up to hell.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's fine.

But look, as long as we don't get in trouble for the forklift, I don't want my boss coming.

You know how to drive the, you use a forklift?

Yeah, my buddy knows how to drive a forklift. He uses that shit all the time.

Straight, yeah. We got the one that goes, you know, like that?

Yeah.

Yeah, that one.

Okay, bro, so, uh, I'll give you a call, like, maybe, like, around 7. Is that okay with you?

Sure, man. All right, well, I'll talk to you then.

Alright, thanks.

I appreciate it.

Try to get here at 7

because you think

maybe by 8

you can get it out of here

and I don't think

they're going to come by

until like 9 or 10

to check it.

Okay, so they come around

9 or 10 to check it

and they give you the fine?

Yeah, those lazy fucking liberals

come around 10 and shit, yeah.

Why do they give you a fine, though?

Because it's non-insurance

and it's all broken.

You're not supposed

to have broken cars

in this commercial zone.

Oh.

Yeah.

It's bullshit.

Yeah, I know.

I know, man.

I had a fight.

I got into a fight.

They sent offers

down here and everything.

I got so angry at the state.

Yeah, I called to say, I said, you motherfucker like that.

You motherfucker like that and everything.

And some of them are a bitch.

Yeah, some of them are a bitch.

I said, a lady too.

And everything.

Yeah.

That's bullshit, though, because they shouldn't even be worrying about that unless it's on the main street.

Yeah, well, it's in the main, it's at a pretty big intersection, so.

Yeah.

All right, man.

All right, well, we'll be there as soon as possible.

If I can get there, I'll talk to my buddy, see what time he wants to go.

If he can go at 6 in the morning, we'll be there, bro.

All right, well, yeah, we're here, man.

All right, then, bro.

All right, talk to you then.

Bye.

Whenever you're not for it, kid.

The kid's like,

Jesus.

All right, Chikus sending in,

Hey, I'm 24, single, in town for an interview.

Huh? Really?

We got what?

Oh, yeah, look.

Hey, 10-4.

All right, good.

He posted in Chicago,

24, single, in town for an interview,

and horny as hell,

staying downtown,

and has our number,

you know, in the Craigslist style,

spelled out 407-459-45345.

Hurry, only available until midnight.

I love it.

Let me share that with the other chat room.

That's probably the first person calling in about it.

Yeah, but how am I going to?

I'm a guy.

You can't do that to me, man.

Oh, my God.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm looking for...

Yeah, speaking.

Yeah, where's it at?

You got the address?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's on the side.

5002.

Just come inside.

Tell Jason you're here for the car.

He'll tell you where it is.

All right.

Yeah, yeah.

Just tell Jason.

He'll let you know.

No, just tell him, you know, if I'm not, I might be at the front there, but I'm with a customer right now.

Okay, I didn't see any car there. I'll look it up.

It's on the side. Jason knows where it is. He's sure.

Look, I'm dealing with the shift manager right now, and he's giving me a fucking hard time.

Again. Again!

All right, look, I'll call you back, all right?

Yep.

He already knows, like, yep.

So we've already got one person there already.

How many wreckers are going to show?

I think half of Phoenix, the wreckers in Phoenix are going to be there.

Yeah, that's a good idea about the chick, but the only problem is,

i can't i can't i'm not gonna know if they're calling for that ad enough top i'm gonna hear

a dude they're gonna hang up that's funny though nice pick too man good work good fucking work

all right cool shit all right continuing on we got 30 minutes left to show let's try to make it

as best as we can reload the uh someone sent me a text do i like black guys hey baby what's up

am i still looking in iowa someone in columbus asking if i like black guys also someone in

I'm in Tampa, saw you, Craig's looks, interested, I'm here on business too, in downtown hotel, you got Yahoo Messenger.

You interested?

Yeah, I'm totally interested.

Alright, cool, so, I mean, what's your name, first of all? Just give me a second.

When did you want to come and pick those up?

When can I pick them up? It doesn't matter, anytime.

You can come now, if you want, I mean...

Right now? Where do you live?

You know, Chris, are you one of those scammers or something?

No, no, I am not.

Okay.

I go to call...

You're not looking for trouble, right? Because I had shit from one person once.

No, I'm not a scammer.

Yeah, you know, I think the tickets are gone, man.

I think they're gone.

I don't think this is the right thing to do.

All right, bye.

Fucking tickets.

So tell me what the tickets are first, at least, for God's sake.

The guy's really excited.

Wow, are they fucking...

Are they?

Tickets.

I need an idea.

Minnesota, this guy says.

Acid Pez.

Tickets.

Yes, tickets, but for what, brother?

All right, Grishnap says,

I'm the angry boy for getting cheating on.

Okay, yeah, that's a good idea.

Of course.

I'll answer the phone and say,

Yeah, you know, someone's been calling my old lady.

Wow, the texts are blowing up to the Madhouse line.

Hey, you real?

I'm Eric, 28, good looking, hit me back.

Jesus Christ, you're fucking going crazy.

This is an awesome use of the Madhouse line.

I love this.

This is so what we got to do more often here.

Oh, man.

I hope Lonesome Losers is okay with this.

And please, someone tell me what the tickets are, for God's sake.

Work with me here.

Hello.

That's a guy looking for the girl.

Jesus.

Columbus, Ohio, asking if I can accept pics on my phone.

God damn it.

Oh, man.

All right.

let's call the black guy actually it looks like for some reason it looks like my google voice

is crashing i'm trying to send messages and it's just oh man there was an error with my request

shit this does not bode well guys calling for the girl this chick's calling for the dude excuse me

i had some pork rinds man i'm tasting them back up on me all right so the tickets are from acid

uh well acid pez apparently posted the tickets got it all right now i'm seeing this two free

free three days grace tickets to a good home what is three days grace talk coke any any idea i've

never heard of them two free tickets going out of town for work and nobody will buy row 15 seats

seven and eight this is very well fed up people at the verizon wireless center where is the verizon

wireless center they look like a bunch of gays i expect these to go quickly call quick hello

yeah speaking i saw you're posting on craigslist for two free three days race tickets oh the

the tickets, yeah, yeah, man, I got a family emergency, I gotta go out. They gotta go out?

Yeah. Get rid of them, then? Yeah, they gotta get rid of them, yeah. So you're giving away

for free, then, or what? Well, yeah, I mean, but, yeah, but you gotta, I mean, when can

you, can you come by tomorrow to get them, or what? Yeah, yeah, tomorrow works, whatever,

whatever works for me. Alright. Or for you, actually. Yeah, totally, alright, cool, yeah,

they're yours, man, what's your name? I'm Tyler. Alright, Tyler, alright, you got it,

man i'm gonna hold it for you t-y-l-e-r right you open can i just go get directions or tyler

okay all right tyler man uh like i'd say around eight be best tomorrow yeah all right see you

then man hey i got someone to get it tyler's gonna get it all right cool i need to i need

to find out this is the other the colors acting is kind of canadian eh i'll think about it haiti

was hit by the largest earthquake in over 200 years christ the phone is blowing up now someone

went to rockford illinois asking if i'm real let's see hello hello i'm calling about the ad you posted

on craigslist uh-huh what parts do you have for the mustang it's what you see there man it got it

got hit by a train i jumped out the last minute for the train hit that hit it hit the front i

thought i was gonna miss but man it was coming close i didn't want to take a chance had i stayed

in it yeah choked my balls right off man i could take the whole the whole car if i wanted yeah if

you need it yeah that's what you got to take the thing is just if you got to have a record because

down here just taking pits and bits and pieces there can you take the whole thing and when can

you do it yeah uh probably like i have do i need a tow truck to take it huh yeah because listen

listen listen i get i'm getting fined 500 a day and i'm trying not to get that last the next fine

because we're going to bump it up to a thousand a day if we don't get it back in time oh okay

probably like probably something like what time it's got to be early like morning at least i don't

know it's because i work nights and didn't like you gotta wake up man you just gotta wake up and

Come and get it, man.

No one is calling.

No one wants it.

I had one guy call in.

He wasn't too interested.

I don't know.

He sounded like he was playing with me.

What kind of Mustang is it?

It's a 2009 Mustang.

It's about nine years old.

2009.

All right.

Yeah, because that's the same.

Remind me.

Yeah, yeah.

It's about nine years old.

You got a 2009 also?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got it nine years ago.

New.

Yeah.

Yeah, if I can't do it tomorrow, because tomorrow I get out at about five in the morning.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Yeah?

And if I can't work, I don't work on Thursday.

Thursday, I have a lot of Thursday.

Not Thursday.

No, no.

I don't know.

Now, forget it.

Call back, and if it's still around, it's still around, okay?

All right, bye.

Jesus Christ, what a dumbass.

Okay, yay.

Stupid, don't you hear me?

What I'm saying, that it's a fucking nine-year-old car from 2009?

The black guy's trying to send pictures.

I'm sending him back.

I'm going to call.

We're going to call a black guy who thinks he's sending pics to a girl.

We got to come up with a girl's name also, but I'm going to be the angry boyfriend catching his cheating wife.

The Mustang picks are back up. In Phoenix, the Mustang we're giving away.

Oh, fuck. The space car.

You know, since we gotta mention we're putting in a space car, is it?

Hello? Yes, hello?

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, there's a car here.

Well, on the side, you should see the car.

The two wheels are on the side, and then the car is wrecked up. It got hit by the train.

Okay, there's not one there.

Which are you at? Did you put in your Jeep?

7th Street. 7th Street and Camelback.

2201 West Camelback Road.

I said now, now, wait a minute now.

I said it was on Camelback.

Yeah, it's demonstration.

I would keep going down until you see you're in East Camelback.

I will say you keep going down until you get to West Camelback.

Not 40 seconds, sir.

That's not like 19th, 19th.

Right, there's no 19th either.

Well, it's past 19th on West Camelback.

There's no...

You know what, forget it.

If you're not going to be serious, if you can't take the car, just tell me you can't take the car.

You understand who this is?

If you can't take the car, just forget it.

Forget it if you can't take the car.

Just stop wasting my time.

I am Detective Andrews, and I'm not going to forget about it.

I'm going to probably unless the deal is made.

Okay, that's nice.

I have someone else calling in for the car.

Thank you, sir.

No, not thank you.

This number will be traced.

Trace my dick.

Detective Andrews.

Never heard of him before.

Yes.

You need to hang up on me.

Oh, really?

I don't need to hang up on you.

All right, let me call him back and ask him why I don't need to hang up.

Hello.

That's a masturbating man.

Geez, I can't put the phone down for more than a second.

People just call in.

All right, let's try the Do You Like Black Guys guy.

And engage.

yeah there's mark there's mark why you uh why are you texting my girl like that man

what's this pitch and what's this about don't worry about it look mara doesn't like black guys

all right don't worry about it you're a little out of her league okay just stick to your race

okay and don't call really and don't call here really for people from canada don't really don't

text people um anymore oh really yeah don't don't what are you gonna do i'm gonna have a trace i'm

I will trace this call.

I'm Detective Andrews.

Go ahead.

Do it.

All right.

Here we go.

I bet it was.

Excellent.

Okay, faggot.

As they like to say.

What happened to Milkman?

Milkman said he was going to call and be in the show late.

He didn't fucking come in nothing.

That fuck.

Faggot!

All right.

What else we got here?

Detective Andrews.

Yeah.

What the fuck is Detective?

Someone else talking to me as Detective Andrews.

We got two new voicemails while we did that call.

Jesus Christ.

We're up to 23 in the inbox.

I love Google, the text interpretation.

Invitation.

And all these calls have been recourse.

I am Detective Vendors, and I will have a foilage in contact.

This is no number.

That's what it says this is.

Hang on, let's hear it.

And all these calls have been recourse.

Phone agent.

Oh, my God.

Everybody, a phone agent, probably from AT&T.

The call is now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network.

You will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

All right.

We had a call from Jeff.

Jeff, I was calling about the mopping part, um, you can reach me at 8294, thank you.

Alright, cool, Jeff. Let's hit this first.

Hello?

I'm sorry, I got the phone.

Who is this? Why are you calling my wife?

At least he said something.

At least he said, I'm sorry.

You didn't just hang up like most of them, did you?

I just shitted.

I'm so sorry.

I just had a black buzzer, yeah, who did?

Motherfucker, I don't play.

Hello?

They just hang up.

They just hang up, bitches.

Let me try to call back.

Let me see, let me see, let me see some of these received calls.

That last one was in Tampa.

Oh, that's the guy in business from Tampa, right?

Yeah, did you, um, were you texting my wife?

No.

Are you the guy that sent her this dress and all these items, the movies and the pictures a few weeks ago that I found that she doesn't know that I know about?

No, not at all.

Well, I'm tracing this number, and I think you're the man that my wife is sleeping with, aren't you?

Not really, yeah.

You're the guy from Tampa that's from out of town, right?

No, I'm really not.

What's your name?

I'm really not.

You must have the wrong number.

Listen, I'm going to tell you who, and I will have this call traced.

And I'm going to speak to the Hillsboro Police Department,

and I know people in the Pinellas County City Council.

I'm sorry, but you got the wrong person.

Well, no, I got to hear that you called my wife,

and you're the person that's cheating with my wife.

And as far as I know, that's illegal to cheat on your husband and your wife.

You got the wrong person.

Okay, yeah.

Well, you'll be here.

You know what?

Call a lawyer.

I'll pray for you tonight.

Whatever.

Digital says to make it a proverb.

Can't we do gay ones?

Can you go to a gay ad?

Just have me be the gay guy.

That's fine.

You can make me a fag.

That's cool.

I'm cool.

I'm bi.

I am bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

We're a kiddie kid to do it.

Come on, guys like me.

I'm handsome.

Nunu say, Maven is sleeping with Athena.

No, Nunu, watch your mouth.

WebDuck asking, can they really trace that?

I don't know, dude.

Don't worry about it.

Really, please.

Don't be.

Be a man.

All right.

You're going to live once.

Look at RBCP.

he's been arrested like six seven times that's crazy he loves jail he goes in there

just to be warm he gets cold out and he's like he commits a petty crime they put him in jail

he's got three meals in the he lost weights it's crazy i got a request here to check

our voicemails okay let's see we got a voicemail and no one said anything someone's sending a text

you still horny i want a bang i'm looking good i'll send a pic if you want that's on the

grange let's

take a listen to this one in phoenix hi this is uh austin i just talked to you about your uh

for my stand i'm here i don't see the car uh please give me a call back at pixel two

Thank you.

La la la la la la la la la la la la la.

This is someone else at the Denny's, I love it.

Oh man.

It puts... It's gonna be like four or five records at one point.

At the same time at the Denny's.

All wondering what the fuck is going on.

Punk Skitter Dude, this girl he knows, lent out her car today and uh...

Call her and tell her that her car was using a drug deal and a robbery.

Her name is Steph.

Fucking harsh, isn't it homie?

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Speaking.

This is valente. Are you the guy that's texting my wife? Yeah

Now I want to watch I want to watch watch. I watch I swear I watch I watch

Alright, he said it. See I told I could be gay even he knows I watch that's where I watch. It's all Bernie Mac right there

Maybe that's not don't worry. That's not my that's my man's only one Joshi. You're on a roll tonight

You should go longer. Thanks for the show. Yeah, but dude, I gotta work tomorrow. I'm gonna do that fucking honest tonight

let's refresh that page that's what it gets with the weather numbers in in qatar i was gonna call

let me grab that here every time i try to call one of our lonesome loser lines it just i

get buzzed give me a second i gotta turn the fan on here i got like three lights on me i'm gonna

turn some of these lights off give me a second folks we're almost done anyway 13 minutes left

before rbcp takes over i should forward this line to rbcp so he did all these people call

out about the mustang the chick oh yeah yeah it's my wife oh yeah i want to watch i want to

watch uh oh no no yeah are you circumcised or not no no you're not circumcised can't put some

cheese in that eat it no look i'll be honest with you i'm a gay and i don't have a wife all right

yeah yeah no no thanks you sure you never tried it i'm sure have a good time well you haven't

tried it before i'm sorry well you haven't tried it before what's the problem you know you're not

a gay no no i'm not into it well if you're sure you're not into it then okay all right you have

Good luck, huh?

Well, obviously not.

May I have better luck with you, maybe?

No, no, not me.

What's your name, big guy?

Come on, booster.

My name is Jack.

Hey, Jack.

Jack Valente?

No, not quite.

Okay.

Not quite that old.

What kind of work do you do?

I'm a contractor.

You're a truck driver?

I'm a truck driver.

Yeah, you drive trucks?

That's nice.

Yeah, you got a lot of room in your truck?

I'm semi-retired, but...

All right, cool.

Well, come on over, man, if you got some time on your hands.

You can pretend I'm a girl.

Like, if you want to pretend I'm a girl, it's okay.

Okay, you can do all the stuff to me like I'm a girl.

No, no, I was trying to get my friend hooked up.

Well, put him on.

You don't know.

Maybe he's a gay.

No, he's not.

Are you sure?

Well, maybe you should hook up with your friend and find out.

Ask him right now.

Ask him for me if he's a gay.

Ask him.

Hey, George, you gay?

Are you gay?

You want some cheese on your dick and somebody to take care of it?

Oh, there you go.

All right.

Well, thanks, man.

Bye, buddy.

All right, homo.

See you.

Okey-dokey.

We got another voicemail.

Yeah, I'm calling about the hide-on case.

It's about a four-month thing that needs to be picked up.

Can you give me a call back?

Thank you.

Bye.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Ten minutes left of the show, as mentioned before,

on Cacti Radio RBCP.

We'll be taking over here shortly.

And, of course, Madhouse Radio, madhouselive.com.

We'll just be going back to rotations.

We're on every Tuesday night, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Be sure to tell a friend and all your peoples.

Let them know about that.

Hollywood Vine, he showed up,

but he never got a chance to call in.

I don't think, dude.

Hollywood, I'm sorry, man.

The chat room is just blowing up.

We haven't seen a chat room this busy

in quite a while, my friends.

Okay.

Here we go, another one.

This is easy, man.

I could do a show easy like this.

I haven't got a dollar number anymore.

Just have the people calling me.

But no more of the sex ones

because I can't sound like a chick

unless you do a gay one.

Hello?

Jack again.

Hey, Jack.

Why don't you post on the Men For Men site?

Huh?

Why don't you post on the Men For Men site?

What Men For Men site?

Yeah, Men For Men.

Oh, really?

You're on Women For Men, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh.

Well, that explains it all.

Yeah.

That explains everything.

You go to the men's and men's side a lot?

No, I don't go on it.

I'm just trying to help you out.

Oh, okay.

That's cool.

All right.

Hey, thanks, man.

All right, buddy.

You're welcome.

There's a men's and men's side, man.

You can get a call right away.

You think so?

Well, I hope you do.

I hope you get satisfied.

All right.

Well, I'll call you back.

I'll let you know how it works out, all right?

Yeah, all right.

All right.

Thanks, buddy.

Take care.

You too.

Bye, Jack.

Bye.

Nice fucking guy. You hear Jack there? Hooking it up, man.

He's, you know, he's straight, but he's nice enough to hook a gay guy up.

He's helpful.

Yeah.

Yeah, what a nice guy.

He's just trying to help a fag out.

Oh, my God.

That's really nice of him.

That's a never out.

Twins are all out.

Chick used put M4M on it like five minutes ago.

Okay, cool.

We got a M4M ad.

All right, cool.

Send me a link to that.

I want to see what the picture is.

It's probably just a cock.

That's cool.

and calls are dying down a little bit here rosalie asking if i'm still free let's see if

this is a gay you see i was telling you guys for the last 10 minutes like dude why don't you do it

for the guy in the gay side sure enough that guy's got his marble straight he doesn't he isn't

listening to the show he knew mikey mikey went to him asking how many records showed up i think

at least two and there's a third one on the way confirmed that we know about yeah at least three

you're gonna show up throughout we got one confirmed already detective who's apparently

runs the record service on the side a police officer who tows trucks on the side whenever

he has free time because you know how cops have all that free time he's investigating us

mikey129 what is the name of the song playing the song is shadows of tomorrow

is by mf doom and tal i think yeah who else is it oh man the other guy that sounds like a mouse

mf doom did it it's in the mad mad villain uh album shadows of tomorrow people just texting

that that the one the chick one in illinois is blowing up like fucking crap all right let's see

we start wrapping it up here milkman never showed up oh i wrap it up i'll uh take calls

inform you that the anal wart remover cream that you ordered has arrived and is ready to be picked

up at your convenience again that is the anal wart remover cream we want you to be aware that

that only one case came, although you ordered two,

and we apologize, and we will let you know as soon as the other arrives.

We hope that the anal work cream takes care of your problem.

Also, just wanted to let you know that we have extra small condoms on sale this week.

That's one of those prank lines.

One of those prank-a-phone website machines.

Yeah, WebDoc says he needed a phone for SMS Verify and Craigslist.

Homie, if I knew what SMS Verify was, I'd hook you up, bro.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'll do it myself next time, maybe.

Hello.

Captain, who's this?

I'm Jack.

Yeah, what's up? That's me, really. I just, you know, I don't want to give out my name like that.

I don't know who people are calling in all of a sudden.

I gotta be safe, you know? What happened to Matt Shepard and all that?

Yeah, who's this?

Yeah, I feel like...

Huh?

This is Mike.

What's up, Mike? You a top or a bottom?

I'm a both.

Yeah? A both at the party? Yeah, cool. Alright, so what do you want? What do you want to do?

Tell me what you want me to do.

I got, like, a fantasy.

Okay.

Yeah, well like would you let can I watch you pee?

I'm listening.

What can I let you can you watch let me watch you pee?

Yeah, you wanna hear it?

Yeah, yeah, right now?

Yeah, I'm gonna pee for you.

Alright, cool.

God.

Stand up.

I want to hear it loud make a lot of noise with it.

Hello, what's going on?

I'm gonna make myself dumb.

I'm waiting.

What's taking so long?

I'm gonna go.

Wow, this is pretty shitty.

Pee shy.

Alright, thanks for nothing.

Here I come.

Nothing to do.

Roll the counter.

That sounded pretty weak.

Yeah, it didn't do it for me.

No, maybe this is not my thing.

Maybe I was wrong about that.

Can you slap your dick on the counter or something?

Slap it on the counter.

Yeah.

It's pretty small.

I think so.

All right, man.

Well, good luck with that.

Bye, Mr. Gay.

Mr. Gay black man who can't pee.

All right.

Yeah, he was all game.

I had a sneaking suspicion that all gay people are going to get into pee.

All right, we got to go.

It's midnight, and it's time for RBCP to take over,

so I don't want to step on the show time.

RBCP, you let me give you the high sign when you're ready.

RBCP TV is next.

In the meantime, everybody, be sure to stay tuned for him.

I want to thank Tuck.

Tuckermike.com is his website.

kokanee also our editing friend here and uh co-host as well in the chair number three picking

up the number well the number two chair for uh tuck who was filling in the number one chair for

the other guy milkman is his name i think i don't know um lonesome loser thanks for sending in

numbers uh thank you again to uh i don't know precisely if it's grishnab or who exactly it was

that was helping us out with uh posting the craigslist ads that came out pretty well

wow we're definitely gonna have to explore that more further and a big thank you to the denny's

Jason at the Denny's, you know?

With the, uh, you know...

Hello?

Yes?

Did I dial 407-459-4534?

And then I picked up the phone.

I think I have the wrong number.

No, no, you have the right number here.

Oh, I was just responding to an ad on Craigslist.

Yeah?

So you want to talk to my wife?

Can I?

What do you think?

You think you want me to let some creepy white guy talk to my wife?

Sexual?

Is that what you want?

You think I'm into that?

No, it's about hockey skates.

It's for sale on Craigslist.

Hockey skates?

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, okay, yeah.

You want the hockey skates?

Yeah, are they the Reeboks?

Mm-hmm.

Do you still have them?

They're Adidas.

How much?

Adidas doesn't make skates.

Is it a real ad or not?

Yeah, yeah, it is.

Yeah, come on down.

You want the skates?

Well, you didn't say how much they were.

I don't know.

What do you got?

Do you got any hockey pucks?

I got sticks.

Yeah, how about I come down and I'll smack your ass with the hockey sticks a little bit.

He's got sticks and sticks.

Okay, really?

Now all of a sudden we got fucking hockey skates for free.

You guys got to give me some warning before you just throw me to the wolves here.

Nah, you got to turn around.

I'm a Puerto Rican.

I'm a Puerto Rican from Florida.

We don't have...

There's no semblance of hockey here at all.

All right?

You got to turn that number off and I'm going to call you.

You tell us hockey like, what the fuck is that?

We're playing some basketball.

Basketball, b-ball.

All right.

Anyway, did I thank everybody that I needed to?

Thank you, everybody who posted those fucking Craigslist ads.

Okay, we are out of here.

If you put the number off, they're going to be calling you in a while.

Shit.

I'll keep the ads for them off the air.

All right.

Thanks, guys.

Catch you next week, I guess.

.6

ML

Calls (36, 1 h 27 min of 2 h 16 min)

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