I’m Not Looking For Your Charity

You gave me the IP address, 192.168.1.254,

and then you cannot get onto the internet, does not go well,

you got into a fight with your wife,

and that you broke the equipment because it got thrown,

and then the laptop got broke after she came back,

and then you need this fixed before she gets back.

Yes, that's right.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome.

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

That's Milkman there in his college days, everybody.

I am Carlito here, your host for the evening.

Welcome to the festivities.

We've got Tuck and Kokanee also here.

Tuck's over at tuckermike.com.

Be sure to check him out over there.

Kokanee, a good friend of the show here.

Member of the staff, Madhouse Militia founder.

And Milkman will be joining us at the top of the hour.

i just spoke to him on the he's in the madhouse mercedes giving his uh his old lady a ride home

you know he's in the western standard time so knowing him he's gonna call in the tool

call my time like hey man hermano hey man we still on no i'm probably do that hey man hermano

like milkman you're waking me up oh man he used to be really bad with that i'm not just like him

tuck you're a good milkman tuck you should call in tonight and do prank calls as milkman

man, in his absence, alright everybody, thanks for tuning in with us here tonight, uh, if

I didn't mention already, I don't know if I did, I had a rough day today, madhouselive.com

is my website, our website I should say, uh, why don't you go in there, god damn it, and

check out our stuff, we got some podcasts in there, got two podcasts, that's right,

you know, that's, fuck, fuck yeah, even the listeners have a stake in it, shit, it's the

whole, the fucking hive mind is in that bitch, everybody, the fucking madhouse hive matrix,

tricks um two podcasts you got the mad cast that's what you're listening to now for the most

part it's an edited version of our live show where we do prank calls for our other podcast

our other feed which is the prank cast which is updated with just our the best of the prank calls

that we attempt here basically shows become that right used to be this whole big production and

now it's just we come we talk a little bit we do some prank calls we call it a night the best of

them we edit up yeah put them on the podcast put them on the forums which are also at madhouse

live.com we got a lot of shit there all right prank calls are at the ass um email alerts you

can get an email whenever new prank calls come out if you don't like podcasting you don't have

an ipod i got an email today this afternoon i got out of work and on my phone i'm looking at my

phone machine fucking email comes up from fucking microsoft zoom so fucking support or stuff some

shit i don't know what the fuck is this is uh if you didn't know carlito your podcast is now

featured on the Zune market. I was like, there's a fucking

Zune market? I don't even know.

Who knew? I should look into the Zune market.

Because I hate the iTunes market.

It's just so fucking ganky. I don't like going

on iTunes. It's just

a ganky program, man. I don't mean to hate you.

It's alright. A lot of people swear by it.

I like Winamp myself.

I'm a Winamp kind of guy. I used to be a

music match guy back in the 90s and around

99 I found Winamp.

And I've been Winamping ever since,

man. Ever since they introduced the

media library plugin into Winamp, I've been

there it's the only reason i stayed with music match yeah but who knew they had their own version

of the market i'm gonna check this out do you have to have a zoom to get into it is it open

like itunes is open you can get an itunes store if you don't have an ipod zoom zoom zoom the zoom

is a piece of shit it looks like a shit yeah that's right we do got a lot of listeners a lot

of people say that that's the biggest thing about itunes that's the brought in a lot of people

that's right fuck yeah all right hey man let's hear it for uh steve jobs and itunes steve jobs

pancreatic cancer survivor fucking crazy guy all right folks uh is lonesome loser here now

this loser isn't here he is too early for lonesome loser did the ipad also the ipad

god damn it the oversized iphone that's it and everyone says it hey i wanted to i did have a

news article i wanted to talk about here uh the orlando sentinel two days ago front page story

I'm sitting there getting my egg white omelet at work, and I'm looking at the Sentinel,

Orlando Sentinel, front fucking page, something that I predicted here, I know for a fact I

predicted on this show, and I talked about it at least on one occasion, was casino gambling

being legalized in the state of Florida, and it's come to that, that's how bad the economy

in the state of Florida is, and I know I've said here several times I said on the show,

And especially in a town like Orlando, man, they're going to have, we're going to have casinos in Orlando.

How are we not going to have casinos?

If and when they legalize casino gambling in Florida, you know Disney and Universal are going to want to open casinos.

I bet you fucking SeaWorld's going to have slot machines in it somewhere.

I bet you anything.

You know how many tourists come to fucking Orlando?

It's like one of the top, it's the number, isn't it the number one international destination in the United States?

Like international tourists and travelers were the number one.

and we're up there like i think we're number two for conventions and etc etc for but yeah i mean

and i know and i've said this story before it's a it's a fact it's a fact it's not one of those

urban legends this is proved by snopes and everybody that the the first hotel they built

on the fucking at disney world the contemporary hotel it's wired for casino it's wired they've

got the wiring in place to for slot machines and tables it's pretty that like a bunch of the the

The halls there for conventions are wired for casino.

They knew it was illegal at the time, but Walt Disney in his intelligence said,

well, at some point, I bet you anything, they'll legalize casino gambling in Florida.

Let's be ready for it.

But we got a lot of beach.

I know Daytona Beach, Miami, South Beach will have a casino.

There's so much fun at the Keys, Key West.

It's just such a huge opportunity.

We got some Indian casinos here.

they've been started sprouting up a lot in the last 10 years or so there's one out in tampa

uh hard rock casino the seminal one that's where um what's her face uh the the chick that howard

stern killed you know i'm talking about now everyone what's her new member she had the show

the big tits you know she married the rich oil guy in texas the old dude anna nicole smith that's

where she died anyway anna nicole smith yeah she died at that hotel yeah well i never you know

know why i never went because it wasn't until until that um they started blackjack like table

games before that it went into poker they had um slots and i think they did like you could bet on

horse racing and i think for the most part that was about it and slots are all fun and games but

it's mostly for old women like if i'm gonna go which is right down from where i am they're right

right on the border on the mississippi side and i never go there but i mean if i wanted to i could

They could go there every weekend or something.

There's a lot of gambling in Mississippi.

I didn't know that about that until the boats, the casino boats, the casino boats.

Yeah, well, in Florida, they're so conservative here.

Their whole thing was like, we want to make Florida and the tourism industry in Florida family friendly.

We don't want the mob to get in.

It's all bullshit.

Vegas isn't run by the mob.

They maybe have a presence there just because they fucking,

they got generations of mobsters there that have lived there maybe.

But it's all corporations, man.

I'm looking at, are you paying attention to Noonoo's, uh...

What?

Oh my God, dude.

Jesus, what?

Do you have Noonoo's eyes priority for saying...

I gotta do something.

We need to set something up for Noonoo to come right to my fucking cock.

Right in front of my fucking phone.

Like, bam, bam, bam.

Just so fucking, I gotta make it a really...

Alright.

Anyway, Nunu's reporting, and he's got the webcam up.

You know the depot diner that we've called in the past?

We had the retarded guy throw the cordless phone?

Didn't we have a retarded guy throw a cordless phone in the trash there?

I think that was the whole thing, right?

Well, I'm posting the webcam to the place.

No one ever sent any pictures of that.

Yeah, I have them all saved, but I never...

Is there a YouTube of it?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, there is a YouTube of it.

I was so disappointed in the video because it didn't have photos of it.

Well, the video, I think...

Of the guy doing the...

Well, the YouTube video has it on there, doesn't it?

The video also just has you.

It just has me?

There should have been stills of the guy in it.

I thought I made it like that.

Yeah, I'm so disappointed.

Oh, man, really?

Yeah, so I think I have those pictures somewhere.

Yeah, I'm going to have to post those.

I'm going to make them into a YouTube video.

There are a few versions to where that style was just here.

Dude, I haven't heard that prank forever.

Isn't it long, I think?

And what's it even called?

Phone in the Trash?

I don't have no idea.

Phone?

I'm going to try Phone in Trash.

I have no idea.

I think it's phone in the trash.

I think I made the guy throw the phone in the trash.

No, it's not phone in the trash.

I don't know.

He's getting a break or something.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

Yeah, Depot Diner.

What did I call it?

Train Depot Cafe.

I bet you this is it right here.

Depot Diner.

That sounds like it.

All right.

Yeah, this is...

Well, it says Train Depot...

All right, here, gentlemen.

Ladies, lady and gentlemen who are listening to us tonight.

By the way, you know we're on Phone Losers, or we're hanging out with the Phone Losers

crew over at Cacti Radio.

Everyone be sure to visit Cacti Radio.

We are?

Yeah, we got a lot of people there right now.

Yeah, they're here, man.

They're integrated.

We're synergistic.

We're a synergy, Tuck.

We're a synergy.

It's synergization.

They're in here.

As a matter of fact, I have to attend to them.

But no, seriously, look.

I put some chicken in the oven, all right?

Listen, Tuck.

I put some chicken in the oven, and I got to go check on it before I burn the house down

because Athena is not here because she's out hanging out with people.

She's working right now.

Yeah, let me play this.

This is about five minutes long.

We're going to come back and we're going to call them.

I posted the cam for everyone to see.

That's the webcam.

Go ahead and play with it.

Have fun with it.

You know what?

Nobody, don't play with it, all right?

This is one people, one person.

Nunu is in charge of the cam.

Now, you guys are on the honor system here with Madhouse Radio tonight.

I want to tell you the truth.

Don't fuck with that webcam because we want to be able to see who we're pranking.

And I want to hear some shit during the prank call and the people are moving the camera around like a jackass.

Nunu's in charge.

And if you do, I don't care.

You want to fuck it up, fuck it up for everybody.

Go ahead.

You know, now that I've mentioned it, there's going to be some asshole who does it.

And I think it's funny.

I don't care.

I don't give a shit.

Hello?

Right back.

Hang on.

Hello, this is the Depot Diner.

Chicken, my chicken.

Hi, can I speak to my dad?

He said he was going to be in there tonight.

I can't make it, and my cell phone is not able to reach his.

What's his name?

Yeah, he's over there right now.

My mom said he saw him.

He was just there.

She just left a second ago, and then his phone isn't answering.

What's his name?

He's at the counter.

No, that's not him.

It's you.

Huh?

can you tell can you tell you to get on the phone please uh there's nobody here at the depot he's in

blue and he's in a blue shirt he's there right now my mom just left there and says no this guy's name

is ernie that's him ernie my dad ernie you're ernie put him on please hello ernie hi how you

doing sir did you pick up my hamburger machines uh machines no yeah can you ask the guy for two

Two hamburger machines with the cheese, please.

Can you tell him?

Yeah, some of the cheese.

Two cheeseburgers, right?

Two hamburger machine burgers.

Oh, two hamburgers.

Can you ask for that?

Can you please specify?

All right, I got breaking news here.

Breaking news, Tuck, coming out of the newsroom.

I have burnt the chicken.

My wife is going to come home.

She's going to yell at me.

She's going to be angry, and she's probably going to make me eat it.

And she's not going to eat it.

She's going to be very, I'm in trouble.

I'm fucked up, dude.

I fucked up the chicken really bad.

It's burnt to a crisp.

Oh, man.

I left it in there too long, and it was too fucking hot.

I swear to God, she yells at me.

Talk.

She yells at me, and she kind of threatens me sometimes, and I get a little worried about it.

Let me see if I can go save that.

I just want to let you all know, Carlito burnt the fucking chicken.

You got to take it like the cockled man that you are.

Carlito burnt the fucking chicken.

Let it loose.

Everyone fucking report it so there's proof that if I don't show up tomorrow, I don't want it.

You need a hamburger machine, bro?

Damn it.

Hang on.

I'm not a kid.

I'm, I don't know.

Can you please bring home, like, some potato chips today?

Can you have it make me?

Tell the man to give me potato chips.

Where are you going next?

Where are you going now?

Are you coming home, or are you going where to make, you're going to make coffee?

Oh, I'll go home.

You're going to come home?

Yeah.

Will you stuff my prick a little bit when you get home?

Is that okay?

Oh, the thing, your machine we're talking about?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you're going to say, right?

Right.

I'm going to say.

So you can come in and we'll use the machine together, you know?

Oh, okay.

Do you want the mouth or which one?

I'm going.

The mouth?

Yeah, the mouth.

Okay, so you take the mouth and I'm going to take this, okay?

Okay.

But don't tell anybody, alright?

Because remember last time I almost got caught.

Oh, okay.

Alright.

Do you want to do it?

Do you want to?

You're bored?

Yeah, I'm bored.

I'm bored.

Oh, okay.

Okay. You want me to go into your apartment so I can go play the games or eat out?

Yeah. I'll eat you out. You want me to eat your ass out?

Yeah.

Okay. That's fine. Will you do it back?

I'll wash. I'll wash it. I'll wash it with peroxide.

I'll betadine. I'll put, you know, the brown stuff, the betadine?

Oh, I want the betadine.

It's clean. It's clean. It's good, clean stuff. You know it cleans it out, right?

I have it on a hose and I squirt it in my ass, the betadine, and it goes in my ass.

And it comes out brown, like brown, like a brown milk out of my ass milk comes out.

Oh, if you want, I'll do it on top of you.

I'll sanitize my ass with a betadine, like, on top of you.

Oh, the game you're talking about?

Yeah, that's the one.

Oh, okay.

Would you be into that? Would that be something maybe we could do?

Um, what happened to Carrie? Carrie don't talk to you?

Carrie, she found out about what happened with me, and then ever since then, she didn't want to be with me anymore.

She walked in on me with another, you know, there was another guy where we were using the machine together, you know, and, yeah, it was bad.

So now all I have is the machine and me, but I wanted, you know, I thought maybe you wanted to share the machine with me.

Yeah.

So why don't you come right now?

Okay, I will.

Okay, will you bring me some, will you order me a hamburger?

Okay.

Can you tell him now before you go, because I want to tell him, get him up and tell him you need to order a hamburger for me.

Can I tell him?

Yeah, I'm going to pay you.

Tell the man that you're going to order something to eat.

In the phone?

Yeah.

oh okay hello yeah hey it's okay go ahead put the uh the phone okay uh go ahead and just throw it in

the sink over there okay yeah throw it through the phone just throw it over there in the sink

if you could okay please this is a train depot yeah i know nobody he said to put the phone he's

gonna wash the phone so just put it in the sink no he uh he's he's uh watching computer right now

You know, so, uh, you know, so, um, I'm probably, uh...

Can you, do you see the trash can over there?

Can?

Yeah.

The one with the trash can?

Yeah, do you see it there?

Uh, yeah.

Can you go ahead and put the phone inside that, please?

Oh, okay.

All right, go ahead and just put it there, and don't turn it off.

Just put it inside there, okay?

Okay, okay.

All right, thank you.

You put it in the trash can.

Hello?

So, yeah, that was, uh, last year, last, uh, last, uh, winter, as a matter of fact.

If I remember correctly, last winter, uh, we got into the trash can.

in the fucking, well, the trash can, it would have been funny if we got him to throw the trash can

at somebody, but what we did was we got him to throw the cordless phone he was talking to us on

in the trash can, and I think, if I remember from the video correctly, as I, as we watched it, uh,

he, he, like, ran away, he ran out of the store, and you hear me at the end yelling, hello, I'm

trying to get him to come back, because he, he did it, and he looked around, and, uh, the guy behind

the, the counter, like, yelled at him, and he, like, ran out the door, out the front door, and

And then we saw the guy come and take the phone out of the trash.

He was pretty pissed off.

So we're going to call there again.

Is there anybody there?

Fix that camera squarely on someone who's there.

Come on.

I think once we also called there was some guy on a laptop.

We called this place several times, and in the end they ended up taking the webcam out

because we were bothering them so much they kind of caught on to us.

But I guess enough time has passed since then.

I'm trying to find my own little link here so I can throw that through the feed while I call them.

You know, we're on a Ustream feed as well.

It's on our webpage over at madhouse.com in the chat room.

We've got a lot of people there right now, but regardless.

Over there, there's a video feed.

You can watch me.

Actually, I don't even have the video on right now.

Well, it's on.

It's just not showing the camera feed.

Let me turn that on.

Camera feed on now.

I forget to turn it on sometimes.

I stop paying attention.

All right, what is this?

This place is kind of wacky.

There's another video feed here.

Give me a second.

This will be our first prank call of the night.

Phone lines are not open yet, but they will be later.

that number is 407-459-4534

once again that's 407-459-4534

I'm about to change that number

to something else

probably something

and I'm thinking in the West Coast

because we usually call the West Coast more often

I think I'm going to change it to Vegas

isn't there some kind of immunity

for prank calls in Las Vegas

isn't that why they filmed Crank Anchors in Vegas

from what I understand

or they did a lot of prank calls out of Vegas

am I correct on that

I'm sure Brad the Carter RBCP

He fucking knows about that.

He's a fucking theologian when it comes to fucking phone laws and fucking phone shit.

If that's the case.

Regardless, it sounds good to me.

As long as it's not my local area code anymore.

That's what I'm aiming for.

I'll try to incorporate prank or madhouse or in-air somehow.

Like, you know, with Google Voice.

It's a Google Voice sign.

It just cost me ten bucks to change it.

So I'm probably going to pick something like...

This isn't funny.

What can we pick?

We can change the number now if you want.

Fuck.

Let's do it.

Hang on.

Let's see if we can find something.

That'll give me something to do while we wait for Lonesome Loser to show up here.

Alright.

My Google Voice number currently is 407-459-4534.

I'm clicking on Change.

It's a $10 one-time fee to change your Google Voice number.

Here's how it works.

Pick a new number in the area codes we have.

Pay $10 at Google Checkout.

My new number becomes active right away.

There we go.

So cool.

Let's do it.

Fuck it.

Let's pick a new number here.

All right, we're going to click on Continue.

I got Athena's home.

Athena!

The video can't...

Hey, listen.

I burnt the fucking chicken really bad, all right?

Go look at it and tell me what you think.

She's not too happy about it already.

All right, what's, uh, I need an area code.

Okay.

All right.

No, she doesn't care.

I was just fucking around.

All right, what's the Las Vegas area code?

Let's look this up here.

Las Vegas area code.

It's a radio.

Yeah, I know.

I tried.

All right, so there's two area codes?

No, there's just one.

702.

Okay, so Las Vegas, Nevada's area code is 702.

All right, so we got that.

But it says enter a word or a phrase to search for.

All right, let's pick a word then.

How about mouth?

Mouth. M-O-U-T-H.

How do you spell mouth?

I'm going to click on search.

Here we go.

We've got some numbers in Alaska and Alabama.

All right, we've got 256-MOUTH-68.

We've got 405-39-MOUTH.

256-MOUTH-25.

256-MOUTH-83.

And 256-MOUTH-29.

Any of those ring a bell?

I like 405-39-MOUTH.

It's pretty fun to say.

405-39-MOUTH.

Yeah, I like that, right?

All right, 405, 39 mouth.

All right, we got 256 mouth, 15.

218, 6 mouth, 2.

256 mouth, 40.

No.

931, 30 mouth.

It was in the mouth, 40.

Yeah, we could change 98.6 to, you know, 30 the mouth.

93.1, 30 mouth or something.

931, 3, 0 mouth.

No, it can't change 98.6 to the mouth.

No, that's legend.

legend. 5-4-1-3-mouth-6? Nah. 4-0-8-67-mouth-2-5-6-mouth-55. Whoa, let's try Prank. P-R-A-N-K.

All right, put an L at the end. Prankful. All right, in Bridgeville, California, we got 7-0-7-7-9-7-7-2-6-5,

which comes out to 7-0-7-79-prank. That's kind of cool. 79 is my birth year. There you go.

707-79-PRANK.

And we also got 260-5-PRANK-3.

And that's it.

That's all I got available.

Any of those?

What do you think?

707-79-PRANK.

That's it.

I don't like that.

We got 260-5-PRANK.

Yeah.

260-5-PRANK-3.

I don't like that either.

Nope.

Let's see if MAD is anything.

Madhouse.

That's too long.

I doubt Madhouse.

It doesn't even fit.

M-A-D-H-O-U-S.

No.

Well, yeah.

We could do it.

Here.

Let's see.

It's probably too long.

Yeah, it's too specific.

Can't do that, no.

All right, so what's the area code we're talking about?

We can just get a goofy number.

We'll find an easy-to-say man mouth.

Let's try it.

Man mouth.

M-A-D-M-O-U-T-H.

M-O-U.

M-A-D-M-O-U-T.

Search again.

Nope.

Nothing.

What about Carlito?

C-A-R-L-I-T.

Oh, that'd be awesome if there was, like, you know, a Carlito.

No, no, nothing there.

What about Tuck?

There's a lot of Tucks.

You should get a Tuck number.

530-421-TUCK

I'm not involved in this

Don't get me into this

KDK had fart right

2606-FART11

None of them end in fart

Those are the best

When it ends in the number those are the best

When it ends in the name

Alright so what was that first one

We'll do that mouth one

405-39-MOUTH

I like that that's kind of cool

405-39-MOUTH

Alright that's it that's our new google voice number

Reserving number, it says.

My new number will become active upon confirmation of my transaction.

My pin and settings remain unchanged.

This is awesome.

It doesn't change anything.

So if I call you and if I hit the button on the chat page, it's still going to call.

It's still going to call.

Right.

Now, what I've got to do is I've got to change the graphic.

That's easy enough to do.

I can go into the graphic easily now, the one that we have on the site that flashes the ways to contact.

It's got the website.

Well, it's got the aim and messenger and all that.

Anyway.

All right.

All right, so look, guys, look, so I've got to fucking make a note of this here.

Hang on, let me open up Notepad because I'll forget already.

I'm going to announce it here.

Here we go, announcing the new mouth line.

It doesn't change the graphic, but if I hit the link, it'll go to the right one, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the link will definitely go to the right one,

or you can just dial this number, 405-39-MOUTH, everybody.

That's the new mouth line.

I like it.

I dig it.

409-39-MOUTH, that's 405-396-6884.

Hey, I like it.

It sounds very nice.

Okay, cool.

I've got to pay for this.

So let me fucking, we've got to play something else.

Hang on.

We were really slacking today, huh?

We're just doing back.

Doing a bunch of bullshit.

This is where we call Ernie back right here.

It's a quick two-minute prank while I check out here at Google.

Thank you.

Yes, is Ernie there?

Who's this?

This is Frank.

Frank?

Yeah, Frank Valente.

Oh, hang on.

Hey, Frank Valente.

Hello?

Hey, it's Jose.

What's up?

Hello, Jose.

How you doing, man?

You got a plan today, buddy.

This morning, I need to wash my clothes.

Hey, can you ask them to keep it down?

Downstairs?

Could you ask, no, the people there, can you tell them to not talk loud, to be quiet?

Can you ask them for me real quick?

Alright, thanks.

Oh, there's my hero, so I got to go outside.

No, no, no, we'll stay there, but tell the people next to you that they shouldn't talk loud.

Ask them to not talk loud.

Say, please don't talk loud.

Can somebody sit next to me?

Okay, just tell the people, please don't talk loud.

Can you tell that guy not to interrupt and not talk loud, please?

Somebody sit by me.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay, so how you been, man?

Today, are you going to use Tide or Gain, or what are you going to use for the clothing?

Wash my clothes.

I get some money to wash my clothes.

Oh, you got to get money, too.

How are you going to, are you going to, are you going to sell yourself today, or what

do you got planned exactly?

You could look into maybe, you know, I heard that at the train stop itself, there's a bathroom

there, and if a guy comes to the toilet, you tap your feet, and you might be able to get

a few bucks that way.

Well,

think about it, buddy.

Think about it.

Did you want to go, did you want to, did you want to maybe come over and use the machine

again?

Okay.

All right.

Well, good deal.

Alright, hey, could you do me a favor?

Can you go ahead and put the phone outside?

Can you go outside, please?

Because I can't hear you.

Can you step outside with the phone?

Oh, damn it.

Alright, we're going to give them a call here.

The Depot Diner.

I don't see anybody in there now.

There's nobody there, sir.

You lied to me, you little monkey.

Find me something in the webcam there.

Let's look for something I can say I left there.

Come on.

There's got to be something we can claim.

That stool.

That's what's mine.

The stool.

I'll talk about the chicken at first, what I'm going to do.

Here we go.

First prank of the night.

Let's get it out of the way.

Slack it too long.

9.41, we haven't done one prank yet.

Alright, Nudie, you have the number.

White now.

What happened?

Now it's white.

People watching it.

5.39, mouth.

Yeah, you're right.

It's mouth.

Yeah, man.

Kokanee.

Thank you, Kokanee, for fixing it.

4.05, 39, mouth.

There we go.

That's more like it.

Thank you, sir.

Good catch.

Gold star for Milkman.

Gold star for Tug.

Negative one gold star for Kokanee for messing up already.

And a gold star for me for fixing it.

I did the fucking work right there.

Oh, this is my soundboard, though.

You guys can see my soundboard.

Gold star.

Engage.

Holder here for the microphone this weekend, and for the phone also.

Hello.

Listen, I burnt the chicken.

I took the chicken home, and I put it in the microwave like your people said, and it burnt.

And the microwave is freaking ruined now.

You people told me to put the chicken in the microwave to warm it up for five minutes,

and I did it in the container, and it started off as a depot diner.

Depot diner?

I didn't sell you any chicken.

I bought it.

You people sent me home with chicken.

When?

Tonight.

night we didn't have chicken what did you have there tonight some other type of meat uh you had

some kind of meat it was a cut of meat no we didn't have any meat oh we have sandwiches sandwiches

then eh so let's say i put the sandwich in the microwave then let's just start from scratch

i put the dams you didn't get it from here yes i did you have sam i ordered a sandwich and you

what's your name this is valente listen you told me to put the sandwich in the microwave to warm

it up and make it good i didn't tell you nothing well somebody there some sassy lady there

did. No, we didn't. I spoke to you. Yes, I did. You're the lady with the dress on. You

got like a black dress thing and purple fucking top. I know who you are. I didn't tell you

anything. You sold me this ham. You sold me a sandwich. Listen to me. You sold me a sandwich

and you said when I got home that I could put it in the microwave for five minutes.

I didn't tell you about it. I'm sorry. Bye. You said put it in foil. Damn it. She said

put it in foil. He's going to keep the camera still. I told you these people don't deserve

deserve anything. They don't deserve anything nice. None of them. These madhouse people don't

deserve nothing sometimes with them. Look. Stupid. Go ahead. Go fucking crazy with the

webcam now. Damn it. I don't care. You ruined everything. You can have anything nice. Let's

look at the fridge. Yeah. I bet you there's some weird fat guy putting it on the fridge

that's jerking off right now. I'll go wash the fridge. Milkman be doing that. He's got

milk. You see that milk there? Can we zoom in on it? Shut the fuck up. Can you zoom

zoom in on this no that would that'd be awesome if you could i just gotta move that's all i got

i can go in let's see i'll push the arrow up it doesn't do nothing that was cool we got to see

the broad for a little bit down that'll hopefully that'll make it to the youtube page uh yeah but

i got those still somewhere there she is there's a lady we were calling earlier later no she doesn't

have a dress on what was i looking at ah what look at that the hooch okay folks continuing on more

prank calls to none of course i promised to get that view right there madhouse radio madhouse

DallasLive.com is the website.

The time is now 9.46 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, 6.46 p.m. on the West Coast.

February the 9th.

I'm Carl Lito here with Tucker Mike.

Big Tuck over at tuckermike.com.

Kokanee is here as well, kokanee.biz.

This is a dude who's screaming that they sell soup.

Oh, fuck.

Go Dice Man with a good suggestion.

Go Dice Man with a good suggestion here.

And he gets a gold star for this.

Strip it down and make it with gravy or rice.

You know we got some rice.

I don't know where I'm going to get gravy.

How do you make gravy?

You make some fat drippings with some oil.

artificial gravy i think i'm gonna come up with a recipe that fucker here's what you're using i'm

using black sugar some black smoke some uh gravy store easy no no i'm gonna make one on the fly

listen here's what i'm gonna do okay i'm gonna i'm gonna uh i'm gonna have some flour some flour

right soy sauce uh fucking ginger i'm gonna put in that right i'm gonna put some sea salt in there

to taste yeah this is the homemade gravy it's artificial full gravy man what else can you add

into that fucking garlic and some adobo there you go artificial gravy and some milk and some milk

grab the damn phone so i can turn it off after we get through with this call and they hung up

already cool now i can set it okay there we go no ringer because it's just any i can see i know

when the phone rings i have a big light that flashes in front of me like right now and we

hear the fax tone thing hello okay is the 405 39 mouth working has someone tested and confirm it

someone please call our new full nine please and confirm that it's ringing through 405 39 mouth

Yes, please.

Here we go.

I hope it's Cactus Guy.

Shh, shh, shh.

Listen, guys.

I've been on with this Cactus Guy.

I believe this is him.

Hello?

Those white kids.

You know those white kids

are all nervous, like,

oh, oh, oh, cool.

Remember when they call here,

they call the show,

yeah, yeah.

It's, it's, yeah,

the white kids that call here,

they're so funny.

They're like 13 years old

and they're all nervous.

Listen, jerks,

I'm going to play something here real quick.

Let me refresh this play.

this page, rather.

Here, in Google Voice, it doesn't show me

officially that it's that number, so I don't know.

I'm going to try calling it. I've got to memorize a new number

now every time I call. I'm going to be able to do that.

I've got it here in front of me. 405-39-MOUTH.

Happy birthday, sir.

Yeah, it's working.

I gotta start using more names than Valente too

Gotta mix it up a little bit

Get a little burnt out on Valente

Yeah let's look at some of this Madhouse voicemail here

I got one here transcribed by Google as

You can have no work trying to move

I'm calling for that and

Okie dokie

That's some creepy white guy

Let's listen to it again

Tuck don't talk over it

That's not me

I don't talk like that

I don't make gay references

I'm not like that

I'm straight

I'm a Christian man

Don't talk over it this time Tuck

Listen

Be quiet

Okay

There's someone in Atlanta

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come here, Leon.

You come and go, come and go.

The mouse line is a whole fucking sensation, apparently.

I didn't know any of these were here.

I haven't looked at this shit in a week since the last show.

Let's see.

Here's a long one.

Let's see what this is.

Oh, yeah, this is an emergency.

Ken Kinnick from Connecticut.

That's awesome.

I love it.

Thank you.

Thank you, Connecticut.

I think he says from Connecticut.

I'm sorry you didn't get in the call

But this is Bob Charlie saying

I love your show

And one love

From 105.3 to fire

You heard?

One love from Reggie and Kingston as well

Peace out

Much love

I remember that dude

From last week

105.1 to fire

Or something like that

Some shit like that

Reklud's out there apparently

He sent us a text

He sent a text to the mouth line

He doesn't know that the mouth line has changed

Some phone loser's fan on MSN

Asking if this is the madhouse

Unfortunately no

Some loser's fan

Unfortunately you have the wrong

fucking guy don't confuse us with madhouse no uh new news says quick the guy at the pc is very

cool there's someone there now all right fine we'll call back call him back remember the new

mouth line 405 39 mouth everybody that's 405 39 mouth 405 3966 88 4 there you go that's even

Even better, dude, you can do 88.

I like that.

It's got doubleage in that there.

405, 396, 688, 4.

Now, listen.

Now, wait a minute.

Here we go.

Look, look, look.

Listen, listen.

Look at how I break it off.

This is the talent right here.

405, 39, 405, 39, 66, 88, 4.

It's very easy to remember.

That's why.

Because you've got double numbers there out the ass.

You've got...

And 88, 4.

Yeah, and then, yeah, man.

And then 3 and 4 in sequence in the middle.

It's in the middle.

It's very synergistic.

It's a beautiful number.

It's a sexual number.

I've never known a guy

ranging Woody right now.

Oh, fuck.

Those numbers are so fucking hot.

I'm just slacking today.

I'm slacking.

Lonesome loser in the house.

What's up, big guy?

How you doing, man?

Good to see you there, homie.

I got someone in Nevada calling.

Hello.

Well, no.

I wanted to get numbers in Arizona.

I wanted to change my number

to an Arizona number.

Not Arizona.

Nevada.

Hey, whatever happened?

That's you.

Oh, no.

I thought it was you this whole time.

I don't know.

No, Detective Andrews runs some kind of towing truck company, apparently.

We looked up the number, and this is a towing truck guy.

He says he's Detective Andrews.

It's a federal offense to do that.

You want to call him back?

No, I'd have to hunt for the number.

Why?

You're from Phoenix, aren't you?

No.

No, you're not?

Yeah, Detective Andrews sounds like an asshole to me.

He wasn't a real detective.

I wasn't even concerned about it at all.

He just, he had his little front.

He tripped up.

I said, did we analyze it, Tuck?

Tuck, we analyzed the whole calls.

I think I did two weeks ago.

I was like, I pointed out, you can tell exactly it's not a cop.

certain little things that he wasn't concise with anyway who is this jerk off i think that's

detective anders anyway pussy pussy that one was white boys valente there's gonna be a problem with

your website and uh to find out if you need any help if you could return our call i don't know

is this the guy i don't know you think that's the guy right there do you think is this the same guy

much appreciated valente someone thought we got a hack i didn't pay the bill i couldn't pay the

fucking bill that's all it was i had to wait till i got a fuck i had a motherfucking check that came

in on saturday in the mail the fucking last possible day i had to save the website it came

in so i could have paused the shit on monday and made a payment right there in the park

bank parking lot my phone hey yeah back off dina just a second everybody it's a rolling pin

it's what tuck just said i don't know where it is what happened to it

it's got a frying pan in her hand soon as this is the guy at the pc

Hang on, let me see.

Somebody at the PC, you liar.

I really want to get into it.

Because if I say it now, it's going to let something go.

We've got breaking news.

It might come out here soon.

I might be able to talk about it in a moment.

Thank you everybody for listening tonight.

Madhouse Radio doing another prank call.

Numbers coming in from the man himself.

The prank call confirmation monster of the world.

Lonesome loser.

We've got Skynet360.

Eric Verducci and I had a lot of fun with that last week.

Man, it's a fucking WiMAX company in Homestead, Florida.

Florida. Yeah, I haven't heard those since.

I didn't even listen to them

after I did the calls. And Eric was

around. He was like, hey, man, we should do some prank calls

afterwards. And fortunately, I wasn't

around. I wasn't paying attention. I fell asleep.

I didn't give them a call back. Sweetwater Truck

Stop. They have a Popeye's there.

We didn't get to that last week. And Lonesome

Illusion Center. And just confirmed right now, Michelangelo's

Pizza in San Dimas, California.

Bill and Ted's Iceland Adventure out of there, everybody.

It's called Skynet 361st, though, eh?

You know, if I understand correctly,

we had some fun with

Oh, what was it? The Homa Hotel last week, also, in Iran.

...360, your leading local provider for high-speed Internet and phone service,

providing your company with a complete communication solution to custom-fit your needs.

For the technical support department, please press 1.

Actually, yeah, didn't we call, didn't Eric hit sales, the extension for sales,

or I did an accident and it rang the lady's cell phone?

Thank you for calling Sky News.

Hello, listen, listen, I'm trying to configure my Lynx ski router and it's not working.

I can go ahead and take a message for you and have somebody call you back as soon as possible.

Now, how does this operation work now?

I call, and I expect to speak to tax.

How do you get, do you call them in another country?

What's the deal?

Give me the loan now.

What did I get into with this contract?

I honestly, I'm just, I just can't have that information.

They didn't give that to me.

I'm just able to receive messages and relay them to the on-call tax and stuff like that.

Will you take my report of what's going on so far and pass this on to the on-call tax?

who calls me back sure all right i can do that for you let's just let me go ahead and get your

name please this is valente can you spell that for me v-a-l-e-n-t-e i'm with valente and associates

okay and your callback number sir it's oh jesus 405-396-6884 and what's wrong with the

you said it's something wrong with the router listen take the report are you ready

Yeah.

Begin, line one.

Okay.

My IP address is 192.168.1.254.

254, right?

Yes.

Okay.

I cannot get onto the internet.

I hit the internet and it doesn't go out.

Listen, I got into an argument with my wife and some stuff got thrown at me and I damaged the equipment.

Okay.

Threw the laptop also at the wall.

Okay.

My wife left the house.

Write that down.

Okay.

And I need him, I need to get this fixed before my wife gets back.

And I don't hear you typing it down.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I need to get this fixed before my wife gets home because she's going to be upset and I'm going to get, you know, in trouble.

Okay, not a problem.

Okay, so this is urgent.

Yeah.

Now, this is a business, okay?

This is a business.

Okay.

I didn't want you to write down that this is a business.

And I want, like, an exclamation point at the end of business.

Okay, you said Valente and Associates, correct?

Valente and Associates.

Because that's what I have down for business.

Okay.

So that they know that it's a business.

Okay, so please have them call back before Athena gets home.

Sure, no problem.

It's Valente, your first name, correct?

No, Valente, Valente.

Valente.

V-A-L-E-N-T-E.

And this is urgent.

What priority are you giving this ticket?

As urgent as possible.

Is there a level, a number that you assigned to it?

No, no, no, there's not a number or a level to it.

Can you read to me what...

Emergency, it's either an emergency or it's not.

Now, can you read to me what we have, please?

You gave me the IP address, 192.168.1.254, and then you cannot get onto the internet.

It does not go well.

You got into a fight with your wife, and they broke the equipment because they got thrown,

and then the laptop got broke after she came back, and then you need this fixed before she gets back.

Yes, that's right.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome.

How long do you think it'll be?

Honestly, as fast as I can get it to them.

I mean, depending on how busy they are is depending on how fast they can get back to you.

Okay.

So I will immediately relay this message.

Do I have a ticket number or anything?

No, this is just a message.

Very well.

All right.

What is your name?

Anna.

Anna, okay.

I'll be following up with you.

Thank you.

All right.

You're welcome.

Bye-bye.

Anna, everybody.

I'm acting like my customers where I work.

It's so unfair.

I bet you're going to have a really bad day at work tomorrow now.

She is a pro

Dealing with attitude

RBCP making a good point

Gold star for RBCP

Tonight RBCP on the board

With one gold star

Tied with Big Tuck

Kokanee coming in

With negative one gold star

There was some listening

I gave a gold star

For some fucking reason

Who will win tonight

Who will be the winner

Of the gold stars

And be entitled

To five madhouse dollars

Looking at you

Tuck and RBCP

Both of you

I'm watching you

I'm looking at you

Who's more dedicated

Sweetwater truck stop

This is a number

We didn't get to last week

They have a Popeyes there

Alright

That means I can play

I'm going to play one of my favorite songs, that Popeye song.

Chicken and Fries, man, that's my favorite song.

Popular Demand, Cam'ron, Cam'oron.

We're calling the Travel Center.

If you know your party's extension, please dial it at this time.

For paging customers and the fuel desk, 228.

For the front shop, 236.

For the back shop, 244.

For shop manager, 237.

For the store register, 230.

230 for the store manager 233 for restaurant 234 one moment please a little more for paging the

floor or something you hear that one i wanted to put us through to the like the fucking speakers

the pa system thank you for calling ta this is jennifer listen big jennifer where is this the

one with the has the popeyes in it yes listen you people told me it was okay to go home and put the

a damn chicken in the microwave to warm it up.

I did that, and it started a big mess.

I put it in, just like you said, with the foil and everything for five minutes.

You put foil in the microwave?

It came with foil.

You don't put foil in your microwave, sir.

Listen, as far as I know, the girl there said, I asked her,

look, I'm going to drive home.

I've got a long way to drive still on the highway.

She said, that's fine.

You just put it in the microwave.

Look, you put it in the microwave just with the package, just like it is,

just like this, for five minutes.

As I got home, I put it in.

I went to take a shower.

I came out, and I had to use the fire extinguisher.

The microwave is destroyed, and there's smoke like stains going all the way up the wall up to the ceiling.

Luckily, thank Jesus that there wasn't a fire because I was right there with a fire extinguisher.

God help me.

Baby Jesus, help me out and save my house.

If my wife gets home, she's going to kill me.

My wife is going to kill me.

So I'm holding you responsible.

Who's the manager there?

Who's in charge?

Hey, hang on a second.

Let me let you talk to one of the managers, okay?

Fine.

You're making a good point.

That manager better be a man.

Because there's no W-O in manager, everybody.

As far as I know, there's only a man in manager.

Damn straight.

Madhouse ready for February 9th.

Our website is madhouselive.com.

Be sure to visit us there.

Check our podcast.

Watch the video feed.

Go to the forums and, you know, sniff around there.

It's taking too long.

I'm just going to give a call back.

Does anybody remember the extension I dialed for a restaurant?

Because I never had to go through the whole damn thing.

I think it was 234, right?

Sounds good to me, at least.

Let's try it.

Can I help you?

Listen, this is Valente from International Business Machines.

And I was calling before, and I was talking to Big Jennifer.

And she put me on hold for a long time.

I don't have time to be waiting on hold.

Who is this?

This is Dora.

Big Dora, what do you do?

Are you the manager or not?

Yes, sir, at the restaurant.

Listen to me.

I went there, and the girl told me that when I got home to put the chicken in the microwave,

just like she gave it to me for five minutes, I put it in.

I go to take a quick shower, and by the time I get out, the shit is smoldering.

There's smoke stains all up the fucking wall, the white wall of the house in the corner.

And the microwave is in the corner, and the microwave is ruined.

And I had to use a fire extinguisher, and there's fucking fire extinguisher dust all over the place.

My wife is going to get home, and she's going to kill me, and I'm not kidding you.

She's going to come over, and she's going to get home, and she's going to hit me again.

Okay.

She hit me with a...

Yes.

This is Jessica from Popeyes.

what exactly i went i got a chicken meal and i said to the girl i'm not going to get this because

i have a long way to go i'm just going to get something small and she said no go ahead and

take it and when you get home you you can she said you could put in the microwave and i said

yeah how long she said you just put it just like this just like it is right here five minutes in

the microwave and i put it in the microwave and i take a shower by the time i come out of the

the shower the microwave was smoldering thank jesus jesus was with me tonight jesus was with

me tonight and the virgin mary and the house didn't catch on fire but i swear if that house

would have caught on fire i wouldn't put the biggest loss i would have put the biggest lawsuit

on you okay who who did you get chicken from from popeyes okay sir that's a it's a cardboard

container there's no reason why your microwave should have caught on fire for me putting that

not in the microwave. Well, I'm telling you, I...

Secondly, um... Well, you put

foil... You can't really blame us for if you put

something in the microwave. There's no foil in our stuff

from Popeye's. There's no foil.

There's something that you're putting in this, in the

chicken, or there's something you put in this container

that created a fire. There's nothing. It's a

piece of paper in a cardboard box. Then it's

the grease that was on the cardboard

box. You people are selling...

You might as well be kerosene that you're

soaking this in, or gasoline.

Okay.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way,

But if you are trying to get a microwave or something out of this,

you're going to have to call back and talk to the manager over the whole TA tomorrow morning

and explain it to him, and maybe he can help you more.

But me being the manager at Popeye's, the only thing I can tell you is there's nothing in the container.

There's nothing in anything unless you got wings from Pizza Hut and used the foil wrap

and put your foil in the microwave, which is not smart, just in case you didn't know that.

I don't cook.

I either – listen.

No, nothing from Popeye's has foil in it, sir.

Well, listen to me. I don't cook. I either go out or my woman cooks. That's how it is.

Is there a man I can speak to there? Because I'm getting a little tired of this, Missy.

I'm the manager, so no, there's no one other than me at the moment.

If you'd like to call back in the morning and speak to Hossain, he's the main manager over everything.

Oh, Hossain.

I'm sure he would love to have you explain everything to him.

Hossain. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Listen to me. I need you to...

Listen, my wife is going to kill me if she gets home and she...

You got any whitewash there?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Send somebody down here with some whitewash to paint these walls before my wife gets here.

Yeah, okay.

No, listen, you've got to ask them.

My wife is going to beat me.

Hussain is who you need to speak to, and he won't be here until tomorrow morning.

Other than that, there's nothing I can help you with, and I hope you have a good night.

What's his home phone number?

I cannot give you his home phone number.

You can call him back tomorrow morning.

You call him and tell him to call me.

Take my information and have him call me immediately.

All right, that I can do.

Are you ready?

No, hold on just a moment.

Jesus.

All right, sir.

Your name and your number, please.

Valente.

Can you spell that, please?

V-A-L-E-N-T-E.

Okay.

405-396-884.

Okay.

Tell him to call me back.

What is his name?

Saddam?

Hossein.

Tell him to call.

Are you going to call him now?

Yes, I sure will.

Tell him it's urgent.

My wife is going to get home.

Write that down.

My wife is going to get home.

She's going to kill me.

Write it down.

Okay.

Read it back to me.

Valente, 405-396-6884.

And?

And I will tell him that your wife is going to kill you.

Okay.

I expect to hear back in 30 minutes.

If not, I'm going to ask for you.

What was your name again?

Jessica.

And Big Jennifer and Big Jessica is over there, right?

That's you?

Jessica is me, yeah.

And who's the other big girl over there?

I don't know who you're talking about.

There was some other old broad I was just talking to.

Oh, Dora.

Big Dora, yeah.

So I'm just writing down these names.

And then what's his name?

Hussein's going to call me?

I guess so, yeah.

Okay.

Make it happen.

Snappy.

All right.

All right, now let's try to page the desk for Hosein.

I don't know.

Sounds like a plan.

What was it?

Hosein?

I forgot already.

Hosein.

Sneaky pinky.

First in the fuel desk.

Q-2-8.

One moment, please.

You have entered an invalid extension.

Come on.

Using the dial pad, please enter the extension you wish to call.

To use the directly, press number.

I forgot.

It didn't go through.

One moment, please.

I was going to page Big Jennifer.

I'm going to have him page.

Thank you for the child center.

How may I help you?

Yes, I need to have somebody page.

Okay.

I need to have Big Jennifer page, please.

All right, then.

Just a moment.

Thank you.

What do you think?

You think she'll pick up?

You think we'll be told there's no Jennifer there?

I hope she picks up.

I hope she's hearing them announce,

Big Jennifer.

Big Jennifer, please pick up line one.

One thing I do know is Malcolm is a fan of Dr. Pepper.

Oh, yeah.

Jesus.

Those throwing that in there.

Speaking of Valente.

Anyway, let's see what other numbers you got here

while we wait for this.

See if it ever fucking picks up.

Killer Cigars at 10.06pm

We still have Michelangelo's Pizza here as well

And yeah I'm waiting to hear back from Skynet

Also man I might call back Skynet

Skynet

Jesus

Skynet 360 I really want to hear those calls from last week

What is Skynet

Skynet is the fucking

The fucking computer matrix

In fucking Terminator

We got a lot of numbers from last week also here

We can do

Of course

She's just about to go look in the shitter for Jennifer.

In the shitter?

Oh, it was ringing.

Fuck.

I hung up and it started ringing.

Taking the same path we did last time.

Two customers at the diner.

Is there really two?

I turned off the webcam, for God's sake.

Go back.

What, did I error?

Freak?

Thank you for calling TA.

How can I help you?

Yes, I had called earlier to have somebody paged, and nobody came back for me.

Okay, please hold.

Oh, fuck holding.

The Depot Diner webcam.

There is a customer there.

What did I call about the chicken?

I'm going to call about the soup now.

Now, you guys see the soup got on fire in the microwave.

Let's do that.

Fuck this page and Big Jennifer shit.

Fuck Big Jennifer.

Fuck a writer ass.

I would, too.

And I've recorded and put it up on the porno tubes,

and I call it First Time Anal 22.

White girl takes it.

That's what I call it.

I'll be in the description of the video.

I don't watch a lot of porn at all.

All right, everybody, let's call back that depo diner.

Good one, guys.

Nah.

I don't need that.

Porn.

Well, let me go back to my webcam.

You don't control that phone.

Boom.

My camera, that's what I mean to say.

There I go.

Hello, listen.

Listen, I put the soup in the microwave and it caused a big mess.

Oh, you did?

Yes.

Okay, did you clean it up?

Well, no, no, no.

You people are coming here replacing this microwave.

Or you're going to paint these walls after what just happened.

And the chicken.

Why?

Because you're...

Why was it our fault?

I was given instructions to put this in the microwave to warm it up.

Eight minutes.

I went, I took a shower, I come back, and it's smoldering.

The microwave is ruined, and I think there's foil in this.

Where'd you buy this stuff?

At your diner.

Why'd you cook it for eight minutes?

That lady told me to put it in the microwave for eight minutes.

No, you put soup in for like a minute.

Well, that's not what she told me.

She said eight minutes in the microwave in this container.

And I come out of the shower, and sure enough, I had to use the fire extinguisher on it.

Holy smokes.

No, I'm not kidding you.

I want your information right now.

What's your Social Security number?

Yeah, you're getting that like I'm going to tell you anything else.

Why would I give you my Social Security number?

What's the tax ID number there?

I'm putting up papers.

I'm an attorney, I'll have you know.

My name is Valente.

Oh, very good.

Yes, and I'm with Valente and Associates.

Right.

All right, yeah, listen, effeminate man.

Give me your, oh, you got your papers there.

I'm coming and I want to get...

I'll get the papers.

No, I want copies of your papers, all of them.

Yeah.

When I'm done with you, you're not, you're going to get all your licenses pulled.

You won't be able to serve water there anymore.

Good, maybe you'll own the place.

You turkey trash.

You can make no money like I just don't make any money.

You turkey trash jerk.

This whole trip.

God bless.

God bless you.

All right.

Bye-bye.

But he wouldn't bite the bullet

And I forgot to put the video on the fucking feed

I got to watch it but I wasn't recording it

Yes Milkman

You know today was the big

Grand Slam free day

At Denny's from 6 till 2

It was?

Oh I missed it again?

Son of a bitch

I missed it last year

Tell them that you missed it this morning and that you think it's 6 to 2 a.m.

A.m.?

There we go.

Give me some Denny's.

We're going to complain about this.

Hell, yeah.

Jack Masterson should do this, fucker.

Jack Masterson coming up.

I didn't know.

It sucks.

Are there any webcams at Denny's?

Hey, listen.

Hey, Tuck, did you say?

I know you know this.

I've been used streaming my classes.

I used stream my fiber optics class last night,

and I used stream my digital electronics class on Saturday.

Here's what would happen

With those speeds

Right

They would go

For maybe

30 seconds

Stop

And then start another video

Really

So if you look at your

Backlog

You have like

30 seconds of video

Probably like

20

30 seconds of video

Or like you were broadcasting

That's the problem

But see

What I'm going to do

I figured out

I'm going to connect to Wi-Fi

I'm going to connect

To the Wi-Fi network

There at school

cool and that way

should be a nice

fucking nice fucking

pipe yeah and uh

yeah i'm gonna i'm

gonna i got a case

for my phone that's

a little little stand

i have to lean it up

against that i was

leaning up against

the function generator

and every time i had

to dial it it would

fucking move and

fall over and stuff

yeah that was my i

was making a circuit

there and i can't

do work from the

beginning i'm really

liking you stream i'm

checking it out and

you can see uh like

famous uh comic book

artists like draw

real time on there

oh really yeah it's

That's kind of cool.

I never thought about looking for that.

That sounds pretty cool.

Really cool.

You get to watch him do it, like actually do the art and stuff, like drawing the comics

and stuff?

Yeah, real time.

And you're talking about the answer to your questions or whatnot, yeah.

Shit.

Yeah, that sounds kind of cool.

Send me a link or who, you know, tell me who that is.

I might check one of those out.

All right, Lonesome Loser.

I think Scott Campbell has one.

Yeah?

Campbell has one.

Scotty Young has one.

I don't know who they are.

Scott Kurtz.

The Spider-Man's on there.

They got Spider-Mans on there.

Spider-Mans.

All right, are we going to have Denny's prank calls we can play here?

We got numbers here for Lonesome Loser coming in from Denny's all over the fucking place.

Portland, Oregon and Grants Pass, Oregon.

Denny's, everybody, where apparently Carlito once again missed the fucking free, what was it, Milkman?

The free Grand Slam?

What do they call it again?

The free Grand Slam from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m.

And I missed it because I thought it was from, yeah.

Yeah, it was really 6 p.m. to 2 p.m.

I follow, I follow.

Okay, cool, we'll do it.

He's taking a shit again, yep.

Right back, folks.

Hey, Beth, how you doing, big girl?

Very well, how are you?

Good, I want you to make an order here for me.

You got stuff to write things down.

I'm going to make an order here.

I'm on the toilet, I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

How ironic is that?

Can you believe it?

I had no idea that was coming.

Isn't that great?

This is an awesome show.

That was fucking perfect right there.

Who would have known, right?

Well, how are you?

Good.

I want you to make an order here for me.

You got stuff to write things down.

I'm going to make an order here.

I'm on the toilet.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead and let me know when you're ready.

All right.

I feel ready.

You're a smart ass.

You know what's funny is that you're working at Thanksgiving and I'm not.

Oh, oh, oh.

So passive aggressive.

I'm just...

Do you want to go food?

Because I know you've been missing Denny's all day.

No, not really.

I'm calling because the only place that's open is Godforsaken Town.

And my wife messed up the turkey, and I kicked her out of the house.

Well, good.

I'm glad you put her in her place.

You know what?

Maybe I'm a little upset, but all you women deserve to be working in the kitchen on Thanksgiving.

She's so lazy.

That's quite a statement, really.

What can I get for you?

Have you been cleaning good the place today?

Oh, scrubbing diligently.

Good.

And do you take care of your man also on lunch break?

Well, we don't get lunch breaks as women.

We just work straight through.

No, but you need to have a sexual break to satisfy.

and the men with your hand or your mouth preferably not your vagina because your

vagina probably smells because you've been working all day on thanksgiving it's sad very nice it's

sad when are you going to move up in the industry where you get today off i'm i'm not quite sure

maybe maybe next year maybe next year okay all right well i don't know where else to go with

this write down my order please what can i get for you i would like let's see here any turkey

of some sort what kind of turkey do you have there we have a turkey dinner shut up shut up

Don't be a smartass.

Seriously, what kind of turkey do you have?

I'm not really sure what kind of turkey it is.

They have butterwool?

No, it's something else.

In fact, let me get somebody else to take care of you.

This better be a man, not a woman.

Okay, one second, sir.

All right.

This is a Masterson's brand turkey.

Excuse me.

Yes, hello.

Who's this?

Can I help you?

I specifically ordered that lady to put a man on the phone, not a woman.

I'm the manager.

Maybe she thought you wanted the manager.

No, I said a man.

I don't speak to women on the phone.

Well, I'm sorry.

There are no men here.

Well, I think that's your problem.

I think you're always supposed to have a man on staff.

Who makes the decisions there at this time?

Actually, we have men on our staff,

but the man that I have on staff right now wouldn't understand you.

Why? Why is that? Because he's Hispanic?

No, because he doesn't hear very well.

Well, I can talk to him.

I'd rather talk to a man because, I mean, you can't make decisions.

You know, you don't have a lot of power and stuff.

I'm a manager.

But there's no woman and manager, you know?

It's like a man, because it's like a paper title you have, basically.

I mean, they gave you the title.

If you're going to discriminate against women, then we can't help you anyways,

because Denny's does not discriminate, and we don't encourage it in other people.

So you might want to try some other place that doesn't.

Bull crap.

In 1995, you people discriminated against two Secret Service agents who were African-American.

Fucking bastards.

I know, they did.

You remember that?

Those two Secret Service agents that were black, they made them wait like two hours for their food?

I remember that.

They had a whole big shitstorm that happened back then.

That was the famous black and brown incident.

What's black and brown are we talking about?

Good evening, Denny's Restaurant. This is Maria. Can I help you?

Maria, hi. I just want to apologize if I was rude to you before.

I understand you're probably menstruating and that probably just made you upset.

So I can make an exception, maybe talk to you right now.

Are you the person that talked to me earlier and that I hung up on?

Well, because you were menstruating, you got upset and you got angry and you hung up.

Yeah, that's me.

No, it wasn't that I got angry.

I hung up because we don't allow...

Because you're menstruating.

It's okay if you're menstruating.

I mean, as long as you're watching...

She's menstrual.

Oh, God.

Is it attracting bears?

Attracting bears over there, folks.

Any women listening to the show menstruating,

type a one in the chat room right now.

Let us know, please.

Warn us before we start trying to make moves.

Hollywood's menstruating.

All right, Chuck, Blitz,

John Rook is menstruating eight times.

Jesus Christ, woman, get a tampon up in that.

They got pills for that now, you know.

God damn.

They got a pill right now.

Instead of having a period once a month, they have like four periods a year, but they're huge.

We're calling Denny's and Grand Staff.

This is Jerry.

Will this be a to-go order?

No, Jerry.

This is Margaret.

I'm sorry that I hung up earlier, but I was putting in a tampon and my phone fell in the toilet.

I was told to give you a call, though, and ask for your Grand Slam.

Do you have a grass plant?

This is Margaret.

And why did you accidentally hang up?

Um, I didn't. It was an accident.

What I was doing was attempting to put a tampon in while on the phone at the same time on the toilet.

Hold on one second, Kay.

And the phone fell. Hello.

Thank you for having me. This is Leah.

Leah, I'm sorry. I was supposed to talk to Jerry, but apparently he's not used to talking to someone that's menstruating.

Tell him if he doesn't get back on the phone, I'm going to come down there,

and I'm probably going to rip his freaking eyes out.

Okay, I will tell him.

Tell him to speak directly.

I'm menstruating, all right?

You know what that's like, don't you?

Tell Jerry to get his ass back on the phone right now.

Okay, hold on, please.

I'm going to go running get him for you.

Run.

He went to buy you some more tampons, actually.

I don't need any more tampons.

I just need a Grand Slam to go.

Hello, this is Jerry.

Can I help you?

It's about time, sir.

Do you not understand what a menstruating woman can do to you?

I need a Grand Slam.

What are you laughing at?

I need a Grand Slam to go.

You need a Grand Slam to go?

Yes.

Yeah, and may I have your name and number, please?

My name is Margaret.

Uh-huh.

And I'll be there in about 30 minutes.

Can I go ahead and give you my card number?

What's that?

Can I go ahead and pay for it with my credit card?

Uh, okay.

You'll have to use your credit card when you get here.

Okay.

Well, please have that ready for me.

I'm sorry I got upset.

Can I get your phone number, please?

Yes, sir.

What's your phone number?

407.

What's that?

it's 407 407 yes 407 yes i'm from out of town this is my cell number what is this this is

margaret margaret i don't understand what you think this is so funny excuse me i'll

don't know why you think this is so funny my number is 407 okay i'm gonna call you back

just to verify this is the right number okay that's fine okay yeah yeah hi i want to make

Can I make a take-out order, please?

What?

I wanna make a order, please.

Order?

No, yeah, it's a pick-out order.

Take-out, okay, hang on just one sec.

No, pick-up order.

A take-out order, yeah.

Pick-up.

Pick-up?

I don't pick it up.

Okay, hang on, I'll be right with ya.

Alright, fine.

Don't jackass yourself.

It's gotta be the big one.

There's like a bite down on the side of it, it's kinda hard to explain.

It's got so many- I've been using it for like three years, it's got so many bite marks on it.

I should probably sanitize it.

I'm cleaning it like a fuckin'...

I haven't cleaned it in three years.

You could offer that for a prize to one of our listeners.

You know, man, the Jack Mashers and Sharpie.

Okay, what would you like to have?

Listen, the special, I wanted that special, please, for orange juice.

Okay.

I'll pay for the orange juice.

That's okay.

What?

Pay for the orange juice, and then I wanted three of the free specials.

They're not free now.

Yeah, well, it's from 6 to 2.

Yeah, 6 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon.

It says here 6 p.m. on my paper.

I wrote it down because Oprah was talking about it, and she said 6 p.m.

6 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon.

It's all over with now.

Now, listen.

I wrote it down here plain and simple on my paper.

Oprah said it was from 6 to today, and I stayed up.

Hang on.

I'm going to let you talk to her.

7.30.

Hello?

She's refusing to take my order.

I want to offer juice and three specials between six and two over set it on the TV

Yesterday from six it's gonna be free and everyone was clapping. Hey, he am in the afternoon. No, no, no

That's not what you said. She said absolutely true

I listen I slept and made sure I got up early as sick took a shower and everything the nurse left

But now I'm gonna get trying already ordered the tradition to take me as I'm in a wheelchair

special from the county to come take me because I'm on disability.

That's already over.

It's not fair.

Listen, I don't know if you know, but it's mandatory that you're supposed to have the

sale today because that's what Oprah said today.

2 p.m.

Already?

It's 2 p.m.

It's how long from now?

It's 19 hours from now.

Two.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yes.

Morning.

Please, sir, just take my order.

I want the carafo juice to go with three specials.

It's not.

This isn't fair.

Well, let me speak to the manager, please.

You are.

No, is there a manager?

One is the manager, the store manager.

Big manager.

He will be here tomorrow morning.

Listen, that's not fair, because then it's after 2, and I can't get the specials anymore.

No, it's not.

It's 7.39, my clock, and it's...

Okay, you understand that it is 9 p.m.?

Exactly, and it's over at 2 a.m.

Okay, no, oh, no, no.

This isn't fair.

I slept in, because I was going to come in.

I'm sorry.

Fair.

I waited all day. I've been out all day, took a shower and everything, and my transportation is going to be here in about five minutes.

I'm sorry.

I can't cancel on them.

I was going to order a carafo orange juice. I wasn't going to pay for that, because I didn't want you people to say that I was there for charity. I don't accept charity.

I'm looking for your charity, sir.

Not charity.

I'm looking at the papers.

What was it? What was the special?

You put me down for one special?

Cannot.

I can put you down for one, but you'll have to buy it.

which is it 99 this is the craft for orange juice what what just the orange juice you can't do some

of the cortec with me what's happening orange juices are in it i don't know how much is the

craft if i drink it there

Nine for the...

I'll buy the carafe juice, and you give me the...

Instead, give me the Grand Slam for free.

No.

I'll buy...

I'll pay for the carafe juice, but you give me the Grand Slam.

No.

Afternoon.

I said I was going to buy the carafe juice, but you said that I can't take it with me.

Why?

If I could tell you what, you sold me the carafe juice, but instead of that, you give

me the Grand Slam for free, and no juice.

Why?

Why even the issue of that then?

Just come in and...

No, I don't need your charity, okay?

I'm going to pay...

There's no charity.

You're going to have to...

For what?

Now, I'm sorry, but I have...

Listen!

How...

The crowd...

That was an awesome guy right there.

That was fun to prank him.

Wow, Danny just kicking tonight.

Wow, man, that's awesome.

Good deal.

All right, cool.

I wonder how many people out there

called in just for that.

I don't know.

Despite the fact that they probably said

said it's only one per customer and i'm trying to get three free things i should have called

her in the morning i yeah i don't know if all right everybody corrupt says it's free on your

birthday is it i'm gonna call back and say it's my birthday that sucks this void so i know who

that is and he can go he can go to hell he's banned uh new bank carlos sucks at void please

oh here we quit yeah i'm kidding that's what that's a friend of mine i'm the fucking master

i'm the fucking fiber optics fucking master i think i'll stream i'm gonna stream my void class

class tomorrow just so you can see the crazy ass indian teacher that i got i'm gonna straight up

stream it we're real excited that'll be on madhouse you stream tomorrow night what uh what

time is my class tomorrow 7 30 to 7 30 to 9 30 to 7 30 to 10 p.m tomorrow night live uh here on

madhouse radio uh carlita will be live streaming on via you stream his uh voip class on my android

phone enjoy it that class is too fucking easy we got hunky dory pipe of tobacco where a girl

answer it at 10 20 p.m we'll call there uh killer cigars is here also killer cigars you know who we

haven't talked to in a while is fucking uh funky zone yeah then those we give those bastards a

call right hey then we'll call the other cigar shop hang on let's dot cn oh let's see if i got

funky zone here yes i do funky zone roseville hey we just played funky clown what do we got a song

see if i got any funky music here we we got funky chicken by dr joy i don't even know that

Uh, Funky President by James Brown. That's a fun song.

Unfunky UFO by Parliament.

I think Milkman's gonna want us to play that.

There you go, buddy.

Funky Zone, everybody.

That was a great Milkman coup d'etat.

Milkman gets a gold star.

Milkman on the board with one gold star also here.

Man, it's a tight race tonight.

Tuck Milkman and RBC be tied with one gold star each.

Kokanee with negative one gold star.

I forgot why.

What happened?

What did I do that I blamed on Kokanee?

I forgot.

Something rude.

Something untrue.

Ah, yes.

Yes, so Milkman, I don't know if you may know that, we got a new mouth line, it's 405-39-MOUTH, that's 405-396-688-4, that's the new mouth line.

You got that James Cavendish there? Listen, I want James Cavendish in a pipe tobacco, and I don't want a corn cob either.

Don't be trying to sell me these upgrades to corn cobs, I don't smoke out of that, what is that stuff? Corn cobs, ridiculous.

You don't have tobacco there?

He's on to me, he remembers me.

I was trying to listen to Bubba the Lust Bunch today.

Something about Hulk Hogan is all angry.

What was his deal?

Do you ever listen to that show?

I rarely do, and I listened to it today, and I was like, what the fuck is this?

Hulk Hogan's, like, all emotional.

Hey, listen.

What's this?

You hang up the phone.

This is not necessary.

Who's calling?

This is Valente.

Listen.

I'm calling about pipe tobacco.

What's the problem here?

Oh, there is no problem.

Uh-huh.

Who was I just talking to?

You're talking to the manager of the funkies, and I was talking.

Okay.

Well, this is Valente.

And I was asking about the Pab Tobacco, and I want to know about my special order.

I want James Cavendish.

And how much is that?

We don't have it.

Well, you get it for me.

You got the catalog there?

Actually, we don't have it, no.

So how do you get your tobacco, then?

What do you go through?

I can't tell you.

No, you can.

Where are you getting it from?

What's your sources?

You legally, you're supposed to prove it to me.

Reveal the sources to me.

Get out of here.

Can't reveal your sources.

I have the good sources.

I got enough to reveal the sources.

what area code is this number at 405 where do we say we're from we gotta know that you know

we get that question a lot where you calling from five area code oklahoma oklahoma city oklahoma

oh man oh oklahoma area code 405 serves the u.s state of oklahoma it covers the oklahoma city

metropolitan area including cities such as oklahoma city edmond el reno norman stillwater

shawnee chakasha tuttle and more the other two area codes serving the area are 918 which covers

northeastern oklahoma and 580 which serves western and southern oklahoma prior to january 1st 1953

all of oklahoma was contained within the 405 on that date northeastern oklahoma was assigned area

code 918 on november 1st 97 405 was reduced to cover only central oklahoma

well we get to know asshole while the remainder of the state was assigned area code 580 okay so

there we go that's where we're from now madhouse radio and the mouth 98.6 of mouth have moved

to the state of oklahoma oklahoma city metro oklahoma city big town right there what's the

big deal whatever what happened over there what they blew up a building is that what it was a

federal building i'm well that was a school when i have remember timothy mcveigh and uh the other

guy there was another dude too right timothy mcveigh and dude with the glasses yeah the

nichols guy he was a gay right he looked like a gang yeah yeah i forgot what he was named terry

nichols and timothy mcveigh right that's what they were terry nichols and timothy mcveigh

they were executed uh nichols was executed first or mcveigh was executed in like uh 99 i think

right no 2001 or 2000 and a little later a few years later then they they got nichols was given

We've been permanent, permanent jail time, cell time with Bubba, getting ass reamings.

I guess.

So he's in the Supermax, right?

Isn't there that Supermax prison where they've got him and the Unabomber?

Well, the Unabomber's dead.

He's in a 23-hour lockdown.

Yeah.

Did the Unabomber kill himself, or did he just try to kill himself once with his underwear?

What happened?

Is he alive still?

Let me see.

I think he took a big sniff, and it blew off half his nose.

No, he's still alive.

He's age 67.

I think he's, I'm pretty sure he's in, yeah, let's see, life in prison.

Yeah, he's serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole as Federal Bureau of Prisons Registered Number, blah, blah, blah, and ADX Florence.

Yeah, the Federal Administration Maximum Facility Supermax near Florence, Colorado.

I think there's a whole ton, I think that's like one of the worst of the worst.

Like, isn't Khalid Sheikh Mohammed there, KSM or KLM, whatever they call him?

uh he's there i think right yeah yeah and i think uh yeah yep uh charles manson

they got man let's see anthony casso mobstered former underboss of the luchese or the luchese

family uh wadi el hay conspirator in the in the 98 united states embassy bombings uh jeff fort

co-founder of black peace stones gang in chicago ted kaczynski's here uh i don't know

Zacharias Massawi is there

Conspirator in the 9-11 attacks

Terry Nichols, yeah there you go Milkman, you were right

Terry Nichols is there

Oklahoma City bombing conspirator

There's shoe bombers there

Richard Colvin Reed, Eric Robert Rudolph

Convicted of the 96

The Olympic Park bombing

They got some bad people there

Timothy McVeigh was executed and he was staying there

Ramsey Youssef

93 World Trade Center bombing is there

There's a whole bunch of them

There's a drug trafficker

Howard Mason, drug trafficker

I thought it was Manson.

Jose Padilla, convicted of aiding terrorists.

That's the guy that was a wannabe, though.

He wasn't really.

Yeah, Charles Manson is in here.

I think Charles Manson is, like, in California or something, isn't he?

I don't know.

Yeah, I just fucking read it.

No, no, this is good to know.

I don't know.

I thought he could be.

I thought this was where they were.

I don't think he was at...

No, he's in California State Prison.

Yeah, he's, like, in a state prison.

He's in a federal offender.

I guess he could be, right?

But, yeah, that supermax is some shit right there, man.

Yeah, it's like 23-hour lockdown, like you were saying.

Yeah, dude, it's super protect.

It's like the Fort Knox of prisons.

Okay, everybody, going back to numbers here for Lonesome Loser.

Let me close this.

I think they used to have a show on, what was it, HBO called Oz.

It was about that place.

I don't think Oz was about that place, was it?

You sure about that?

Yeah, I think it was a parody of it.

Oh, really?

No, because Oz, they were running a call center in there.

I tried to watch that.

I had some friends that liked it, but it had a lot of anal in it, man.

Like, guy-on-guy anal.

I think I saw it once.

There's a lot of ass-fucking-animal in it, man.

I think I sat through a whole episode of it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I made my little cousin watch it.

He was like 15, and he was scarred for life.

Check out the chat.

The dead will be there soon if you get some more guns.

Yeah, with this gun license.

We exposed that last week.

Secret source, the arm.

You had to hurt for him in a long time, the arm.

Game three last week.

We got to kick over to Syndicate.

We got to play our break.

The point is, we're going to make a ham sandwich.

Sandwich time, everybody.

We're going to make a burnt chicken sandwich.

And Tuck's going to go,

What's that, one sandwich in two places?

Put some bacon bits and mayonnaise on it.

What, you order mashed potatoes?

Yeah, I order mashed potatoes, yeah.

Dude, that mashed potato sandwich.

Someone posted, who posted,

someone posted a recipe for it.

That answering at this point.

Yeah, he posted a, it was good.

I think I'm going to try it again.

Yeah, I'm going to pick up some mashed potatoes this week and make it myself.

Yeah, make two spaces in one sandwich.

Yeah, yeah, make four spaces.

Everybody check that out.

Mikey went in the forums.

If you go over at madhouselife.com, go to General.

Check that out, man.

Mikey 129, was it, right?

Let me get to that.

Madhouse, yep, in the General section.

There it is.

Let's read it real quick here.

The mashed potato sandwich recipe from the Toasted Mashed Potato Sandwich episode of the Madcast,

a.k.a. the Masterson Mash.

That's what Milkman called it.

credits go to i carlito ingredients two slices of toasted white bread one scoop of mashed potatoes

mayonnaise or miracle whip no no no no no no no miracle whip we gotta remove that with bacon

bits mixed in or finely chopped hard boiled eggs with mustard mixed in salt if you desire putting

it together toast two slices of white bread spread your dressing on one of the toasted bread

slices scoop mashed potatoes onto the other slice of bread add salt if you desire combine the slices

This is Together and Enjoy.

Makes one sandwich, two spaces.

Sounds good.

Anyway.

All right, folks, we've got more Denny's.

We'll try a few more of those Denny's when we get back here.

It's Madhouse Radio, February the 9th, 11 p.m. Eastern, 7 p.m. Pacific.

It's a Tuesday night.

We'll be right back with some more prank calls.

Thank you for tuning in.

Back right after this.

Could you let me in to use your latrine, please?

Yeah.

I don't want to piss on your front.

Let me in for just a moment.

I'll just need to use your facilities.

Front your door.

Oh, what, what, what, what, what, what?

President Obama.

President Barack Obama.

Charlie Cr-

What the hell do you want?

You've got to use your facility.

Spanned out there, bro.

Look, here's the deal.

If you don't let me in,

I'm gonna piss all over your door.

Oh, you know what?

That's a great-

Did you-

About front in the morning,

I do.

I've pissed all over your door and the handle, alright?

You know,

you have as much to drink tonight as I did.

Sound like it.

Tell me you're for them.

Marlene, hello.

Tell them why you dickhead.

I'm sorry.

Turn around.

Oh, here we go.

Hello.

There you go.

Hello.

No, I didn't piss off.

I pissed on your door, you...

No, you...

Hey, can I see you naked?

Hey.

Save me naked.

Taking the world for...

98.6

The Mouth.

Can I talk to my house, y'all?

Hey, is Sam there?

Who?

Sam.

Sam?

Yeah.

Yeah, hold on.

Thanks.

Hello.

Hey, so, Sam?

Hello.

Hey, how many men been with your mother before you were born?

I'm sorry?

How many men with your mother before you were born?

Oh, it's like how many men with your mother, you know?

That's what I said, stupid.

How many men? Go ask her.

Ask who?

Your mother.

My mother?

How many men with...

My mother is not my mother.

I don't have mother.

My mother is your mom.

I was just talking to her right now.

Go ask your mother.

My father had sex with your mother and you came out.

No, no, no.

Do you know your father?

You don't have your father because somebody else fucked your mother.

You're my brother.

I know.

You're my brother because my father raped your mother.

No, because my father fucked your mom.

My father fucked your mom first.

Okay.

Just tell me.

Why don't you come here?

Show me your face.

I came there.

I know.

Because you're chicken.

You didn't do anything when I came in there.

Because you're fucking chicken.

I came in here with...

If you are mad, come here and show me your face.

Will you kiss me?

Face to face, motherfucker.

Will you kiss me with those...

Face to face.

Will you kiss...

Kiss me with those big lips of yours?

Motherfucker, let me...

Let me tell you something.

Okay?

Every time I'm gonna see you, I'm gonna fuck you.

Oh, baby.

I'm gonna fuck you up.

How?

Okay?

How you gonna do it?

With what?

I'm gonna...

You like it.

With your hands?

With my balls.

With your hands.

Wherever you want.

I like it in my balls.

Put it in your mouth.

You know what I'm gonna do to you?

Put it in your mouth.

Hey, I'm gonna...

Did you like...

i was in jail and i got it like that oh you yeah are you scared of me you know what

you know what i did i don't give a shit about nobody you came down here you're gonna if you

get in jail i'm gonna kick your ass you remember when you remember when you got pizza you remember

when you got pizza the other day i'm gonna i'm gonna kill you do you remember when you got pizza

hey sir sir sorry that i say my holiday

Hala hala hala

Okay, motherfucker

Olmec

Okay, motherfucker

Olmec, Olmec

Okay, show me your face, motherfucker

Your mother

Okay, come here, come over here

Couscous, Olmec

Couscous, Olmec?

Yeah

Oh, you know that because your sister, you know, your sister

I was in Iraq

Fuck you, fuck Iraq with you, motherfucker

I went to Iraq and I had sex

You had sex there?

I had sex there

Did you like it?

I had

I know, you know, they have like big dick there

Arab women

Did you like it?

You know what?

your mother your mother she moans like a whore don't worry about your mother

moans like a whore I love it you're a donkey okay thank you

you're a donkey bitch you're my brother my big brother I'm donkey or you're my

big brother hey listen oh my god you're so stupid man no I feel so bad for you

because I think you're confused. You have something on your mind.

I'm a lawyer.

You know?

Fuckin'...

You know?

You...

I'm a lawyer.

Okay, come here.

I'm gonna come here. I have a...

I'm coming in with a suit.

Oh, come here.

And a briefcase.

Okay, come here.

What time do you come in in the morning?

Don't worry in the morning. Come here.

No, I can't come now.

Come here. Anytime.

I have to...

The door's open.

You know? I'm waiting for you.

I have to wash my hair tonight.

Oh, okay. Go wash it and come play with my dick.

No, it's too...

It's... I don't touch, um...

devil people dick.

Oh, okay.

You know, because you're Muslim.

Okay, that's good, that's good.

Seriously, do you know when you ate pizza the other day?

That's good, that's good.

I put sausage in your pizza.

If you had dairy or what?

I'm going to put sausage.

If you had dairy or what?

Is what?

Is dairy.

Is dairy?

No, dairy, dairy.

Gary?

Yeah.

Garcia?

No, your hands.

My hands?

No, your hands are dirty.

Okay, go clean it and come play with my dick.

You know what I did to the Quran?

What?

It makes good toilet paper.

Where?

In my bathroom.

The Quran in my bathroom

Good, good, good, good

Alright baby, I love you

I love you too

What the hell

Oh my gosh, he was in rare form

That's a keeper

That's not on the CD

You're listening to the Cacti Radio Network

Free at 1-888-278-8509

You know what I hope

That when you die

They put your GPS in your box

And a trap door at the bottom

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman, ever, ever, make you who you are.

This is the operator with a collect-all from Emerald Hill.

Accept the charges. It's one. Now.

All right, everybody. Madhouse Radio back. Carlito back.

Milkman back. Tuck back. Kokanee back.

back all over the back all right good welcome back i posted i posted mikey 129's recipe out

to facebook and twitter i said we're disgust potato sandwich justin wanted us to play the

word game what's the word game make him say uh the one where we uh pick a listener gives me

three words i pick one and try to get a a person or a business to say it back to me without using

the word yeah we can do that make him say yeah there's a character request dude i think i'm

a cold sucks what is that cory fitman dick fitman dick fitman fits well evil evil zodiac says would

you prank my cousin if i give you the info sure man i wasn't paying attention when he sent that

five minutes ago sure man send that in homeboy send it in brother we'll take care of it man we

got you anybody else for that matter if you want to send your prank call request you can do so now

send me a message on aol or yahoo instant messenger madhouse radio again aol and yahoo instant

Sent Messenger users, Madhouse Radio.

If you're using MSN Messenger, that would be madhouseatlive.com.

Be sure to use the Request a Prank page when you can.

Oh, we do have a Request a Prank.

AcidPez sent one, I thought.

We got quite a few of them.

Sharpie sent one in most recently.

PLA Fan Joe.

Justin has sent one there in AcidPez.

The Request a Prank feature is a free feature, easy to fill out form with your prank call request for us to do here on the show.

And I do them here.

Sharpie sent in a number for Stephanie.

Stephanie is in her early 20s.

Stephanie is a nice girl overall, but again, she has horrible rancid acne and a bushy vajayjay.

She's 100% all-natural.

Wow.

Talk about her hair and her legs.

Okay, cool.

We'll do that.

Let's do that.

Well, the new news is going crazy that we've got to call the U.K.

We've got a lot of U.K. numbers here from Lonesome Loser.

Thank you, sir.

We're going to knock some of these out here.

There's a little segment we call Waking Up the U.K.

4.11 a.m. at the U.K. right now.

They're about to ring in 4.20.

Let's go ahead and give them a call and talk about that, everybody.

Let's get a little goofy.

Let's get kooky.

Let's get queer.

It's like a hair to wear.

Thank you, Tuck.

Tuck's always here to...

You don't get a gold star for that.

You almost did.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Yes, hi.

Good afternoon.

This is Valente.

I'm calling from the phone administration.

Could you please confirm this phone number?

Is this...

Is this confirmed?

I found this number.

I command you.

Listen.

This is a serious business.

I'm sorry.

Is this Mary?

Mary?

Yes, hi.

Is this 0155 Mary?

Who's calling?

This is Valente with the phone administration.

What do you want?

There's a problem with the undersea cable.

No, I'm sorry.

Don't ring this number again if I phone you, please.

No, is it?

I mean, what's the problem?

Why are you so crass?

You sound a little...

Are you tired?

Hello?

Big Mary.

Big Mary said, don't call this number again.

Let's call Johnstead.

This fucking thing.

These fucking people.

These fucking madhouse people.

All got fucking bright ideas on what I should do.

I thought that was that lady from that book.

I thought it was.

Hey, we should call the Bulls Head.

What is it called?

The Bulls Head Inn?

Bulls Head Pub?

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Come on, John.

Yes,

want to speak to John right now

Please

I don't want to say please

I want to apologize

Please I want to speak to John right now

I don't know who you are.

This is Valente.

Huh?

Sorry?

This is Valente.

I'm calling about the fleet.

About the what?

I'm calling from the fleet.

This is Valente from the fleet.

Good night.

No, no, no.

Listen, please put them on.

This is urgent.

Not funny.

Not good at all.

Here's another different John Terry.

John Terry.

Sounds like a disease.

I've got John Terry.

I wear my hat at a jaunty angle.

Cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Keeping in mind the new mouth line is 405-39-MOUTH.

That's 405-396-6884.

I'm not callable.

Hello, this is Terry.

Hello.

Now listen, is this Terry?

This is John Terry.

Yes, it is.

Confirm this now.

It's not John Terry.

You have already.

Where did you call him on?

Yes, I have.

What's the confirmation number?

I'm going to tell you that.

No, you're required to.

I'm going to call him.

He's saying the guy in the news.

Tell him about...

The guy in the news?

John Terry.

John Terry

The guy in the news

Okay, guy in the news

Let's call him back and ask him if he's the guy in the news

You're the guy in the news, yo

Yo, what the fuck

Yo, why you in the news

Yo, why do you suck

Why does your news suck

Oh, there he is

Calling the police, as promised

This is John Terry

And I'm calling to report to the medic

And who's calling me

Cost of this call is two cents per minute

I was listening to the show the other day

where it was Halloween and I was calling

as the undead queen's mother.

Or at least I made the suggestion.

Hello?

No pick up there. No pick up!

Okay, I'm going to hunt for...

We've got more numbers here in England.

Peter Robinson. Is he in the news also? Tell me.

Is he a big deal?

Peter Robinson.

Sounds like a crazy ass.

Oh, man.

The Peter Robinson story.

Yeah, Billy Harrington. I knew you were going to explain this to me.

He's a professional footballer, I think it was.

He's like the Tiger Woods of the UK right now, apparently, from what I understand.

Milkman, I wanted to mention, dude.

Milkman, get up, you fucking fuck.

I made an order, dude, on my computer yesterday.

It's going to be great for the show.

It's going to be great for the show because I can use one keyboard and one mouse for both computers,

the server and the fucking Madhouse laptop.

So I'll be able to spread my wealth here.

Never used a KVM switch before.

What kind of KVM switch did you get?

Oh, yeah, I used to use that at the shop.

What kind did you get?

Uh, what did I get?

Uh, fucking, I don't know.

It's a, it's a TrendNet.

That's all I know.

I mean, it was like 29 bucks.

It's got, I can do a monitor with it,

and I can do, um,

I can even do audio, my speakers.

So, I thought that was quite interesting.

I don't know what I'd use it.

Yeah, I don't know how that'll come into play in the show, but.

I know it's kind of cheap, though,

but it didn't work very well.

No.

You have to make sure how you do it,

if you gotta, like, push the function key,

or you gotta, you know,

Well, this one, apparently, you don't have to keep putting it.

You just hit the button, and it's good to go.

You don't have to worry about the function keys at all.

That's what it says.

Oh, you don't have to hit a certain key combination.

Yeah, yeah.

I made sure to pick one that didn't have that.

It was highly rated because of that.

So you don't even have to hit the function key.

You can if you want, but you can set it to auto.

It's powered, right?

Yeah, it has a small plug, yeah.

Hey, dude, I'll take it.

If it lets me do that, I'll have to hit function keys.

That's fine.

I fat figure so much.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I don't need to add any more operations in my show operations.

Jesus.

Anyway, give me a second.

I have something to do real quick on another feed.

I've got to fix the feed over here, all right?

So while we do that, we're going to play this.

We're going to talk about the bull's head, right?

Is this a good feed or is this a sucky feed?

If this is a sucky feed, I say let it go.

Let it go.

No, no, no.

This is quite interesting, but I can't talk about it.

This is the breaking news that I was going to talk about, you know?

But I've decided just to make it.

Let's see.

Let's see if I come back and talk about it.

Anyway, what would the Bulls say?

What do we call them about?

It's a Manchester pub.

That's what it is, right?

Minutes of the show.

Fote.

Minutes of the show.

Ooh, this is a bad version of it.

There we go.

What's that funny noise?

It's your building.

Well, why would you be phoning us at this time of the morning?

Well, it's not morning.

It's evening over here in America still.

No, it won't stop this morning.

Well, it's an international transaction.

Don't speak over me.

I'll fire you.

Stan?

Too late.

I've already been fired.

Look, you can't fire me.

Hey, you know what?

I don't know who the hell you think you are.

That's it.

get fired fired and don't try to take it i know you i'm on you you're fired your owner now come

down here now the job you drunk that's why i'm pretty saucy come here i told you i'm in another

then you full of shit how much have you had a drink today on the job by check right

john terry he's in the news you hear that news i don't know why he sucks so bad

hello listen peter hey pete i'm talking about john terry in the news

but i bought it in the morning about how do you know then you woke us up you all just happen to

be sleeping job now and uh this call is cents per minute up and hang up pm 8 26 rbcp aka brad

carter the phone show taking over at the top of the hour over at uh cacti radio thank you to

everyone listening over there oh this hour dude at fucking midnight midnight eastern i'm just

serious if you're listening on the madhouse stream at midnight when we uh when we kick off we head

Head over to cactiradio.com and throw some bones over to RBCP.

I laughed my ass off today.

I happened to be rooting around inside the Madhouse News little feed I got at blogger.com

that I used for a little scrolling thing on our website.

Brad had posted in there, you know, welcome to Cacti Radio or something like that.

He said it's going to help facilitate his hostile takeover of Madhouse Radio.

I was drinking coffee this morning, and he posted it like five or six days ago,

but I read that, and I started laughing.

I thought it was pretty funny.

Just to think, PLA, Brad, Carter are going to have a hostile takeover of Madhouse Live at some point.

I see it happening.

I should have shut up about it.

That would have been a nice little fucking angle.

Nice little fucking thing we could have done for publicity to sell records like Tupac and Biggie did.

Hold them niggas dead.

Too late now.

Now it's taken.

Now I'll do it in some asshole.

Thank you, number one.

I made the announcement here.

I think it's official.

Let's go ahead and announce it here, everybody.

Breaking news.

milkman if you can please stop the

stop the uh fucking um

music hello milkman

music please manhouse radio announcing

we're uh we're dropping syndicate radio

on its ass uh they got some fucking white

people on there right now fucking being uh

stupid playing the fucking guitar

fucking gay shit who was it

really any any who look at

this there is some there's some there's two

white guys this is a overweight guy

i was black the city

let's see what the what the this is what

syndicate radio is missing is

this is what they're getting instead of madhouse radio what is this shit syndicate radio is a

fucking joke it's a fucking joke there's a bunch of i don't know what happened back in the day

used to be all right back in the days you know me and dino and shit zolar fucking lego we used

to fucking have fun there and they got a bunch of fucking prick asses over there now and this is

i'm supposed to be doing one hour there from 11 to 12 dino came he you know i said hey dino man

you know when you get off of that fucking live stream thing you know they gave my spot to

a fucking Gary Garver.

And I don't know

what the deal with that is,

but whatever.

That's fine.

I wasn't due Thursday night,

so they told me,

yeah, sure,

you got 11 to midnight,

you know,

we'll pick up your show,

and this is the fucking

shit right here.

And I try to go kick the,

I try to kick the two fuckers off,

but they changed the password

on me,

and I can't log in.

I was just gonna boot them off,

and I didn't even do a show,

I was just gonna boot them off

to be a prick-ass,

prick-ass spick.

Yeah, fuck that.

Quite possibly,

we're in a trunk.

How many beers

did you have tonight?

I don't know, I'd say about a good six, seven, maybe.

Yeah, you're a little wasted, right?

I feel pretty good.

Yeah, me too.

I'm not wasted, but I feel pretty good.

Fucking assholes, fucking waste of time.

He just lobbed me out of his ass and shoved it down his ass.

Yeah, oh yeah, that was great.

All right, anyway, Anne-Marie Holmes is in England.

It's really cold?

I don't know, it's this fucking Twiggy and the Bottom.

That's the name of the fucking show.

Twiggy and the Bottom, everybody.

I hope you guys...

Twiggy and the Bottom.

I so would not even go and watch Twiggy in the Bottom.

Twiggy in the Bottom on Syndicate Radio.

That's right.

Tuesday is 9 to 12.

Twiggy in the Bottom.

Corey Fitman.

You know you hit the bottom.

Good one.

Milkman, two gold stars, man.

You're in the lead.

I think you're going to take it tonight.

Hello.

Anne-Marie.

Hello, love.

Darling.

Hello.

Woosah.

Nobody.

Fucking jokes.

Holmes Trevor.

Two cents per minute.

We had some good prank calls early in the show tonight.

Kind of slowing down here, but that's fine.

We're doing our Danny's, man.

Mikey 129, light beard talk with female voices.

Hello?

Hello, listen, what's with the light beard talk over there with the female voices, eh?

Talk over there with the female voices.

Keep it down.

Oh, you listening to me, old man?

What?

You're making a lot of noise over there.

I want you to keep it down with those female voices.

What are you talking about?

You're making female voices and I can hear you all the way from over here.

and my grandfather

I'm in Chicago, Illinois

in the United States.

My grandfather lives in England

and he says you're making

female voices all through the night.

You be quiet.

That's second place

for the longest hang-up ever.

Don't we have a longest hang-up ever?

You gotta love it.

You can't guys.

They can never figure out

where the fuck is that.

Well dude, it's fucking

we're waking him up

at 4.30 in the morning

to do that.

You think?

Yeah, I think it's called

longest hang-up ever.

The longest hang-up in history.

Dude, we need to get a hold of Hollywood Vanya, man.

I haven't seen or heard from him in a long time.

I hope my friend Hollywood Vanya's okay.

What took so long to answer the phone?

Is this Leslie?

Yes, what took you so long to answer the phone?

Did you drop it?

Ralph Littlejohn.

May I speak with Leslie, please?

Oh, hang on.

Yeah, syndicate.

Yeah, the phone number is on the fucking thing.

516-307-2...

All right, everybody listen.

I want everybody.

phone loser people

and our fucking madhouse people

to fucking prank all these fucking assholes

516-307-2177

I'm posting this here

call them now see if you can get on the air

if you call them let me know I'll pipe their audio in

fuck them

I typed it wrong

it's 516

516-307-2177

it's that second number

that I just posted

fucking call that number

and let me know when you do

so I can fucking put the audio on.

Please, yes.

516-307-217.

Is it Billy Mira?

Is it that fucking fat ass fuck Billy Mira?

I hate Billy Mira so much.

I hope he fucking dies of AIDS.

I hate Billy Mira up his ass so much.

Hello?

It's Billy.

Billy Mira and I got into it

back in the PCU days in the chat room.

He was being a fucking asshole

and we got into it or something.

I don't know.

Call him a phooey.

No, no, no, no.

What?

What the fuck is this?

So what?

Is it not ringing?

What's going on?

Is it going to voicemail?

Straight to voicemail?

Or what's going on with it exactly?

Oh, yeah, fucking assholes.

Why put the fucking number in there if you can't call it fucking women?

All right, I told him, take a call, you billy, you fuck.

All right, let's continue pranking on the side here.

But you're called Holmes, Trevor, and Marine Home.

We call a lot of these already.

Let's call that first Denny's again about the Grand Slams.

See if we can get any action on this.

See if we can get any more of that.

Box will reset because of the state of the economy.

But you'll take, you know, two of the concessions.

Johnny, are you the manager I was talking to you earlier tonight?

Yes, sir.

Listen, I'm telling you.

I just want to order the carafo juice.

Put me down for the carafo juice.

I don't have to give you the orange juice.

Just give me the slam.

I just want the Grand Slam for free.

I only want you to charge me for the carafo juice.

I don't want it because you said that it's not allowed.

Right? Isn't that right?

You said that you're not allowed to take it?

Yeah, you're not allowed to take it.

Why?

Okay, look, I cannot give you the Grand Slam as much as the Grand Slam.

What's the difference?

What do you mean, what's the difference?

look i think there was a misunderstanding here on the part of your company and you should you're

under authority here make you can make a decision here to just what is the price difference what is

the right what a couple of cents 40 cents what is it more than happy to put it in its end well

listen i want you to know i was doing some research and i found out that free grand slam

if it's my birthday is that right yeah because you called here and you had full paper defense

says since I worked there. No, I need

valid... And this is a legal document

here. It's no bribe. No, I need

to have a social security card.

Will not work. Oh, listen, it says

valid IDs, United States, and it

says... No, it's not a valid ID.

It has my name. It has your name.

I need valid... Listen.

Listen. I give you... I've listened

to about as much as... You're not listening to me!

I'm going to listen to... To a solution, please.

Okay. I give you my social...

You see the name. It says Jack

Masterson. Then I give you my

ID, and you look at the picture on the ID, and you see it's Jack Masterson, and then

you use the social security number to authorize him.

Well, I don't need anything but that.

Really?

I don't need your charity, sir.

I'm going to give you my social security number.

Okay, look.

Okay.

You know, nice about...

You made a mistake.

I haven't made a mistake.

You absolutely did.

Because you, I wrote down here that it was from 6 to 2, and I'm calling you...

That's exactly correct.

And you're refusing me, it's 8.40 still, and you're refusing me service.

Okay, apparently you are confusing a.m. with p.m.

No, no, you're confusing numbers, you don't even know your numbers, donkey.

Starting to hurt my mouth a little bit.

Then I'm going to go all night here for a $5 fucking piece of shit meal, man.

Right.

Anyway, what time is it now, 11.41?

$5, dude.

Alright, let's see here

Numbers from Lonesome Loser

No new ones

We got other Denny's that we can still get to

We can try that on

There you go

Denny's, this one is in another part of Oregon

Unless they fucking made the alert

The guy said you gotta have an Oregon donor card

Hang on, give me a second

Tell him you're donating your Oregon

You're donating my organ?

The guy said I could bring in an Oregon card?

Is that a picture ID for an Oregon card?

He'll take an Oregon donor card

Get out of here, bitch.

You'll donut his organ card.

Thank you for calling Denny's and Grant's Customs. Lindsay, can I help you?

Yes, hold on. Listen, I want to make an order for pickup, please.

For pickup?

Uh-huh.

What can I get for you?

Yeah, I want three specials and a carafe of orange juice.

What specials?

The special that Oprah was talking about.

The what?

The special that Oprah was talking about from 62.

The special Oprah was talking about?

Yeah, she said that today was 6 to 2, that we have a free special.

Oh, like Oprah, the TV show lady?

Oh, yeah, she said that all Denny's that are from 6 to 2, there was a special today,

they have a free special.

So I want to order three of them, three of them, and then a carafe of orange juice to go.

I hate to break it to you, sir, but 6 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon today,

and we can't do to-go orders on it anyways.

ways. You can't do orders on any food there? Oh, no, you can, but not on the specials.

It didn't say that on the paper. Oh, well, that's our guidelines, sir. It doesn't say...

No, listen, you tell me what on this paper it says. I'm looking. You tell me what on

this paper it says that I can't have it to go. You're refusing me... It doesn't say that

on here. It says from 6 to 2. Sir, 6 a.m. in the morning to 2 in the afternoon. 6 a.m.

to 2 p.m.?

It's 7.43 right now.

I slept in.

I slept with my alarm

and I'm waking up now

and I need to have that.

This is...

I'm not entitled to this.

This is my food.

Sir, this is the p.m.

This is night.

It's from 6 in the morning

to 2 in the afternoon.

Until 2.

Yes, 6 to 2.

I'm agreeing with you.

Is there a man

I can talk to, honey?

It's okay.

I know you're confused.

It's okay, honey.

It should be...

It's still supposed to be

for like...

And yet there is a manager.

It's like 5 1⁄2 hours still.

Oh, goodness.

Okay, hold on.

Okay, thank you.

Hello?

I was supposed to talk to a man.

I'm

the manager.

Oh.

Is there a male manager there?

No, there's a female manager here.

Who's running the thing?

And who's running the staff?

Me.

Really?

This is me, yes.

Okay, it said here I was watching the Oprah Winfrey show,

and it said that today from 6 to 2 they had a free special.

So I was ordering three of those and then a carafo orange juice.

Okay, well, you had to have come into the restaurant between 6 a.m. this morning and 2 o'clock this morning.

Yeah, between 6 and 2, and it's 7.45 now, I think, 45.

That was 6 a.m., not 6 p.m.

It didn't say that.

It said 6 to 2.

Oh, okay.

Now your people are running into trouble, and now you're trying to.

You did this with the Kentucky Fried Chicken, too, didn't you?

Did you say?

You did this with the KFC chicken.

I'm having the same thing.

They were giving out free chicken on Ofra.

I don't know what KFC does, but this is exactly how we did it last year.

It was 6 a.m. until 2 p.m.

Our store has no control over what the TV broadcasts.

Well, you can make an exception here, because this isn't fair.

This isn't fair.

Oh, I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm entitled to this food.

This is my food.

I'm entitled to it.

It's free, and I'm claiming it.

And I'm going to sue somebody here.

I might sue you if you're in charge.

If you feel that you have to sue us, you can try that.

I want to talk to the store manager right now.

I'm the manager on duty.

I'm the manager here.

Duty.

When is the store manager in?

Because I don't, is he a man, first of all?

There's a general manager.

He's a man?

An area manager.

When is he in?

I think he will be here tomorrow.

At what time?

You can try back if you'd like to speak to him.

It better not be after 2 a.m. because then it's too late for the special.

Well, that wouldn't be valid anyways.

Tell me yes or no.

After 2 a.m. tomorrow, it's too late for to get the free special, right?

It's already too late.

It was too late after 2 p.m. today.

No, no, no.

We weren't standing in line.

You're playing with numbers here, and this is not fair.

I'm playing with numbers.

You've got to give me some discount or something there.

You've got to make this right, because you made a mistake, miss.

I want to guess, where are your papers at?

Do you have your papers?

Our advertisements?

Yes, we have advertisements.

No, the store papers.

What do you mean, store papers?

You have papers there that you keep, and I need copies of the papers and the insurance information,

because I'm going to get you written up, and I'm going to talk to Valente and Associates

to our personal friends with him.

With who?

Valente and Associates.

Valente.

Okay.

And I know...

I want to go tomorrow

and speak with the area manager.

You're more than welcome to.

I know Bob...

There's nothing I can do for you tonight.

I'm going to talk to Bob Wharton

and New Solvers also about this

because something is...

Bob Wharton?

And the New Solvers.

Okay.

Okay, have a great evening.

Goodbye.

Write that down for the general manager right now.

Yeah.

Bob Wharton and the New Solvers.

Yeah.

You got to tell them,

like, if they say 6 a.m.,

nobody gets up that damn early who's gonna get up that early for food

until 2 p.m who's gonna get up that early who's up at 2 p.m i used to live like that dude i used

to work like three to fucking 3 p.m to 2 a.m four days a week i think that's what it was no it was

longer than that i worked a 12 hour shift from three to fucking four yeah until 4 a.m or 5 a.m

i think it was after breaks and stuff i came up to like 4 a.m i was there for 13 hours but don't

i got that one extra day off it's pretty cool i wish i could go back to that sometimes yeah

it would be nice oh man i did it for a whole year but dude i would get home and i had a weird

schedule like i get home and i'd stay up till like eight o'clock in the morning i'd eat breakfast

when i got home or i'd stop at denny's or something on the way home eat breakfast and stay

up i watched like the morning news i watched like the today show or the daily show good morning

america for an hour fall sleep in the couch and then i wake up at two o'clock in the morning uh

I did. It was awesome. You know why? Because I worked at Monday, Tuesday.

I worked at Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Sunday was dead.

Monday was a little wasn't too was a little busy, but this is night shift stuff.

It was a call center, so it was never too busy. Right.

But anyway, the awesome thing was like I had Wednesday off. I work Thursday and I have Friday.

So I still had two days off in a row. There were weekend days.

It was Friday and Saturday off and I had Wednesday.

And if I if I could if I called in sick on a Thursday or took a vacation day on a Thursday, I had a four day weekend.

you know i didn't mind working at sunday oh dude yeah yeah it was yeah but the awesome thing is

with sunday even though i had to work sunday my sunday started you know my work day on sunday

started at fucking uh you know 3 p.m so i had the whole morning still too you know i could hang out

in the morning it wasn't it didn't feel like it was a full day not bad but i didn't mind it at

all i wish i could go back to it man those four hour days were awesome four hour days 12 hour

work days like you went to an inject message that is brought to you by super sharpie sanford yep

that's it you ever wondered what i use see that piece there in the top that's what i bite down

with my teeth and the rest stays in the fleshy part of my cheek as i talk nobody wants that

i'll stick it in my ass and i'll send it to you look man you're about to lose that gold star you're

about to win dude don't screw it up milkman come on don't screw it up you're gonna win god well

let's see continuing on uh no more numbers and loans and loser we got one more denny's left here

We've got about nine minutes worth of show, and then we're going to cut it off.

I want to make an order for three specials and a carafe of orange juice.

See what?

Specials.

Specials?

Spaces.

Excuse me?

Yeah, free spaces.

I can't hear you, sir. I'm sorry.

You're supposed to have free spaces from 6 to 2.

I want to order three of those, and a carafe of orange juice to go.

That's 6 in the morning, sir.

Yeah, and it's 8.52 right now.

It's from 6 to 2.

I have plenty of time.

From morning to 2 p.m., sir.

6 p.m. until 2 a.m.

I was watching Oprah today, and she said it.

6 a.m. to 2 p.m., sir.

So I'll take the order.

Go ahead.

Excuse me?

I'll take the order.

What would you like again?

Three special spaces for free, and one carafed orange juice.

Just saying the first thing you said.

Three special spaces for free.

Three special what?

Spaces for free.

What is that?

Three special free spaces.

The 6 p.m. special for free.

You want the Grand Slam?

Yes.

Three Grand Slams?

Yeah, but I'm not paying for it.

I'm not supposed to pay for it.

Excuse me?

I'm not supposed to be paying for this.

It's just, instead it was supposed to be...

6 a.m. to 2 p.m., sir.

Can you speak to the manager there?

Because I'm asking that.

Is there a man I can speak to or another manager there?

Who's the manager?

Is there another man?

No, sir.

Oh, so you're not...

There's no men working there or anything?

No, seriously, I'd like to speak to a man.

Usually I get better with women.

Are you certain of that?

I'm certain of that.

Last time you checked, what's the deal?

Excuse me?

Last time you checked, what's the deal?

You mean by that, sir?

You're a fucking asshole.

Excuse me?

You're a fucking asshole.

If you're not giving me...

This is my food.

I'm entitled to this food.

Right, sir.

You have a wonderful day.

I'm entitled to this.

Thank you.

You understand?

What's your information?

You got your papers with you?

You said it's day.

You said wonderful day.

I'm starting to get tired of that.

Well, I'm back.

He is at wonderful day.

Yeah, Milkman, we got to wrap it up, dude.

It's time.

We got people on after us.

We respect schedules here.

Thank you.

Longest that we've ever heard on this show.

All right, Milkman, take us out of here, my friend.

So, everybody, we want to specially thank our number group, man.

That's right.

Close the move on.

Thank you so much.

What the fuck is that guy?

I don't know who he is.

What the fuck is that guy?

I think it was Billy.

I think it was Billy putting on his voice.

It'd be cool if he called back his Aussie house born.

All right, Milkman, where were you, you fucksucker?

Wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

He called Billy Harrington an asshole

Dude if I would have known that I would have brought that up too

Don't worry I'll take care of it Billy

I'm going to speak to them

Don't you worry I'll take care of this

Thank you for telling me

I'm putting that in my report

Alright big thanks to everybody in the chat room

Who joined today

Big thanks to our friends at the phone show

Who are going to be taking over here in just a minute

Brick-a-leg gentleman and lady

Thanks to Loser and Loser of course

Kokanee

You know what the sad thing is

A lot of people sent in number requests

you know i didn't get to them my slack tonight uh but fear not i do save those and i do get to

them i will get to them let's see yeah see yeah my bad sorry gentlemen all you who you know

contributed numbers don't worry they get saved in this big bank that i got and i go back to them

and if you remind me next week i'll even fucking do a database that's right we should maybe we

should start doing a show at eight that'd be kind of cool wouldn't that be something a whole four

hours that's a lot of time i don't want to have to worry about fucking uh syndicate picking up at

at 11 p.m.

I can do two hours,

take a break,

and then do two hours

instead of the split

two by one

that Dino had me on.

Fuck that shit.

I don't deserve it.

All right,

and that's our time.

Thank you, everybody.

Tune in.

Madhouse,

like the comments

on the website.

Tuck's website

is tuckermike.com.

Of course.

Forget that.

Big time.

Thanks, everybody.

Oh, yeah,

new podcast coming out

this weekend.

The last episode

from December will be up

and Kokanee already

finished the first

in January

and is working on

the one after that.

So, fuck.

So, we'll make it

one day. We'll be on top of things.

Calls (29, 1 h 38 min of 2 h 44 min)

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