The White Boy Show

I don't have to record. Who you are? Who you are? Come in the front of the store so I will see you.

Don't talk in a fucking voice chat on the phone. Come in the store so I will see how fucking you are.

Who you are? What corporate? What corporate you are in?

No, you called up to be a prank, and you called up for harassment, and you called up to be filthy.

You know exactly where you called, and I told you that this phone, cops are on this phone.

I told you when you first started talking that you had the wrong number.

So don't play your bullshit onto me and get off the damn phone.

Who the fuck is this?

Fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

This is Emergency Madhouse, Madhouse Under Siege.

Good evening, everybody.

We're being canceled again.

RBCP threatening to cancel us over the weekend.

We ask everybody to please send your email to rbcp at phonelosers.org

and ask them to please not cancel Madhouse Radio.

Do not stop subsidizing our fellowship.

Please, for the love of God.

Everyone, this is Carlito. I'm your host.

Tonight we're going to be talking about things and making prank calls.

All right, what's the loser in here?

Milkman's here. Hi, Milkman. How you doing, Milkman?

How you doing?

Mercy on us all.

Oh, God, yes it is, Milkman. Yes, it is.

Our website, of course, is madhouselive.com.

Once again, madhouselive.com.

That's my website.

Woo-hoo.

Big deal.

There's a lot of shit there.

Check it out.

Frank calls, et cetera, et cetera.

It's just like that.

It's like, whoopie.

Hey.

Hey, whoop.

Just like that.

Got a new mouth line, don't you know?

It's 405-39-MOUNTH.

That's 405-39-66885.

That's the number you can call if you want to join us here tonight, Milkman.

Milkman, you're the one that's supposed to give out the toll-free line.

You got to learn that, man.

Give us a good old...

Give us a...

You got a gold star.

Yeah?

Good.

Why'd you get a gold star?

For what?

Because I know it's the old number.

Oh, fuck that.

888-278-8509.

Milkman, give out a good...

Give out a number.

Yeah, you can't get a...

Yeah, as a matter of fact, Milkman, that's treason.

Giving out the gold stars.

Only Carlito can handle a lot of gold star karma.

That's high treason.

You get negative 20 gold stars if you do that.

You won't get gold stars for a month.

Help me, Kokanee.

He'll get suspended.

Kokanee's on suspension almost.

He's on final warning.

Kokanee, can we help you?

Purple Fire saying Carlito.

Carlito, Purple Fire says.

Well, to you I say Purple Fire.

All right.

No Lonesome Loser, yeah, but we've got numbers we can pull out of the old Rolodex.

We've got some submissions here from earlier.

May as well.

I don't know if I'm going to wear my captain's hat all night.

I'm very tired.

I had a very rough week.

And it only gets harder tomorrow.

I've got a lot of stuff on.

hey look i am in full captain regalia oh no i i gotta take my captain hat off i got a bit of a

headache tonight leave your pants on oh no pants stay on all the time i got a small cock what are

you talking about yeah please yeah dude i hug the urinal while i'm using it someone else comes in

the bathroom i don't want anybody to look scared all right uh cactus indianapolis sending a request

here last week was it last last week mr cactus indianapolis let me know i'll have to look in i

got all those here still uh milkman i got a new wireless router and i um i put a ddwrt i don't

know if you know what that is man but it's like a firmware you can get an open source firmware i

guess it's open source uh it gives you a lot of options uh tomato i thought about but i decided

to go with ddwrt for now i might do tomato to let it date oh is it better than tomato cool dude

Dude, it's full of options, man.

Dude, I was telnetting today from work over to my router,

and I opened up a tunnel, an SSH tunnel, and I was surfing the web,

and I was using my internet connection at home at work,

so they couldn't see what sites I was going.

I was getting around the corporate firewall and everything, man.

It was pretty cool.

I was like, hey.

Cool.

Yeah, it's cool shit, dude.

You can wake up on LAN.

You can make your PCs wake up via the LAN.

You can turn them on.

uh right you know yeah there's a lot of shit you can do that i recommend that folks go to that

look up ddwrt if you don't know what i'm talking about you got a wireless router if it's new enough

it might be able to run it or a version of it they have a whole list of all the routers that

are compatible with it instructions on how to put it on there what to do yeah yeah that's right

right all right milkman is old new news pointing out very i'm surprised you know about tomato and

And all that stuff

Milkman

I'm surprised you know

About wireless internet

Yeah

The coconut network

Holy shit

Don't bring

Nightmares of the past

Of our show

And what it used to be

The great institution

Of madhouse

Yeah

Alright I'm bullshitting

Too much

Just let me pull up

The Lonesome Loser logs here

You just disconnect

For like 10 minutes

And come back

10 minutes later

What was it

You were getting

It was wireless DSL

Wasn't it like

DSL from a tower

That they were

Beaming wirelessly

To people

On the mountains

right wdsl wdsl my god i must have been slow as shit you must have the worst upload

mikey129 bringing up skynet360 yeah those guys are a hoot and hey hey thanks for reminding me

you fucked because this week i said right i was going to call and be serious and get them to call

me back and then fuck with them i'm going to put in the serious report unless they're one of those

companies that won't ever call back if you leave a message you know those companies like that they

take a message late at night and you're never going to get a call back lazy people lazy texts

I'm not like that.

I call all my customers back, Milkman.

Whenever I'm saying I'm going to call a customer back, I call them back at that time.

I set reminder and outlook and everything.

It comes up and goes, me, me, me.

And it says, call now, my call.

Excuse me.

We got a Negro, according to Jay Shaw.

He was attempting to call KDK's neighbors and called this fellow.

Ended up calling him back several times.

Not confirmed, but same time last week, apparently.

It's a neighbor of KDK's who's African American.

Well, where does KDK live? In some kind of condos? Or is it an apartment complex?

Uh, in, uh, Connecticut.

Alright, but, but tell me what, what's...

Small town in Connecticut.

So when it began with KDK, I thought he said he owned a restaurant at first.

And then it ended up that he worked at a restaurant.

And then it ended up being that he was unemployed.

He makes pizzas.

He makes, what does he do? What is KDK's job? Like, I...

He was one time...

Uh huh. He was.

You know, he sends a bunch of shit.

He makes pizzas.

He sends stuff. On his, on his...

yeah he said he's a gourmet pizza maker well he did he probably got a few thousand dollars when

his dad passed from selling some stock and the house and he probably blew it all probably pretty

quick right didn't he quit his job and everything didn't he say i'm going to quit my he quit his

job well at least he said he did i don't know what what his deal is um i mean you're making

gourmet pizzas you know from chef boyardee i mean how much you know you're going to make anyway

jesus all right well let's call this african-american gentleman who knows k

Okay, what...

D-Pot Dinner, please.

D-Pot Dinner?

D-Pot Dinner.

Man, you lost me.

Bostwick Arms is the name of the place?

Jeez.

Depot Diner.

Oh, Depot Diner.

Thank you for that.

Thanks, Milkman.

Milkman gets a gold star.

You know, I said I wasn't going to give a gold star as early, but Milkman, you get a gold star.

I can't even see the chat.

Dude, I'm not...

Tug?

Or shall we say, hup?

Tug.

This is all kinds of weird shit.

Tug.

You eat a lot of weird shit.

We eat lamb's blood.

talk hey lonesome losers here everyone give him attention answer there unfortunately that's not

gonna fall guys i went to the uh i went to the shopping plaza by my work and i bought the real

hardcore uh incense the indian kind there's nag champa i mean the one that comes in that box

no it's got like fucking cryptic you know it's got all like the fucking shit the kamasutra

looking stuff on the front of the box man you know it's like yeah dude it's got some strong

incest. I usually burn incense. It's nothing weak. It's not like this American incense,

man. This shit will fucking put a hurting on you. It's like a fucking bomb in the whole

house. The Indian people's incense. The hardcore Indian incense. Alright, Depot Diner. We

fuck with these people a lot. I don't think they like me there. Yeah, true. You gotta

be careful. Don't mix your incenses. That's right. Good point, Milkman. And don't burn

in incense more than in every other day.

What's your pre-cup rematch?

Hello? Answer the Deepwood Hunter.

Hello? You know what I just realized?

I said I was going to buy a pop filter over the

weekend. I never bought that goddamn pop filter.

Smoking the incense?

Inhaling it? Maybe that's what's wrong with me right now.

No, the pop filter, you dummy.

With some pantyhose or something?

I don't have any pantyhose. I'm a man, Kokanee.

You might. You might.

Send me some of your pantyhose, Kokanee.

Yeah, alright. You got a type of

business you prefer, or what? Or just

Anything?

People make that mistake a lot.

Yeah, don't do that.

You know how they say, turn your radio down, all that bull fucking shit.

I'm sorry I'm retarded.

That's okay, man.

Don't be rude.

So tell me, look, do you got a preference of a type of business, a type of restaurant?

Eleven.

I'm like, I'm sure we do.

If you don't have one, I could send you one.

Let's see here.

No, sure I do.

I'm sure I do.

Milkman, we have a 7-Eleven here.

I'm looking in the records.

Don't worry, kid.

Fuck, I just typed in the fucking thing instead of searching for it.

Why are you breathing in the phone like that?

You all right, man?

You sound like Jack Masterson.

Actually, I wasn't breathing at all, but...

No, you sound like those juke kids.

We had these kids used to call in as prepubescent kids,

and they used to blow with their nostrils into the phone all the time.

Milkman, we don't have a 7-Eleven.

What the fuck?

Are you making me look like an asshole?

That's why I'm looking in the wrong fucking log.

Hang on, kid.

You see, you made a mistake, I made a mistake.

I'm looking here.

Give me a second.

Where'd you hear about the show?

I heard about RBCP.

He's trying to cancel us, you know.

He better not.

Yeah, he's working on it.

RBCP's trying to cancel the show.

He's trying to pull our fucking charter and everything.

Milkman, we're going to have a 7-Eleven for this kid.

God damn it.

We have a charter?

If you really want me to, I'll send you one through Facebook.

You got a charter bus.

A short bus.

The charter bus.

Come on now, what's your screen name there, buddy?

It is 2.

Chris 2R.

You work on that, and I got a convenience store in the meantime.

It's not a 7-Eleven, but this place is called Jackass.

Oh, okay.

They're in Colorado, all right?

Jackass Cafe and Convenience Store.

Good friends of the show.

All right, don't go anywhere.

Where everybody had, uh, this white kid's going to do a prank call.

Jackass Cafe, this is Kirsten.

Where did you say I was calling?

The Jackass Cafe.

One of those was with me.

You're calling me a jackass?

No.

Why, why'd you say that word on the phone with me?

I'm, I'm a little kid, man.

What's the name of...

Well, I...

Okay, hold on just a second.

You, you just got really quiet.

Did you do that?

What?

He's not so sure and quiet.

Okay, what's your complaint?

Okay, well, I was in there.

And, um, you know, I needed to...

Okay.

I was in there, and I saw my boy jerking off in the bathroom.

offensive i'm i your employees usually do you guys get off on other people getting off in the

bathrooms i mean i don't but i'll let the owner know i'm gonna have to you'll have to call back

and talk to the owner during the day seriously oh it was all teen man this sick i didn't even know

penis could do that okay we'll call back when the owner's here during the day sorry well you know

what sorry kid i'll call him back i'm gonna complain big time on them big time they're in

I'm in big trouble.

Okay, you...

I got your back.

Was that funny?

Yeah, it was pretty good, man.

Not bad.

Okay, good.

It wasn't bad.

We felt a lot worse than white kids.

Huh?

Returning to main menu.

You have 50 new messages.

Hang on, I got them back already.

Son of a bitch.

We got a Rosati's pizza.

Rosalti's pizza.

You're not the one that sent that, is it?

I'm going to listen to your messages.

I'm sorry.

I didn't recognize your number.

I'm going to listen to your messages.

Please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.

For international numbers, please...

This is not a valid number.

You're taking this or am I?

Listen, is this the manager?

My son was just calling over there because he was making a complaint about something that happened when we're in there eating.

I understand he was hung up on by someone over there who refused to put the manager on, so who's in charge?

Where's the white lady who was over there just making trouble on the phone over there,

hanging up the phone on my son who was making a complaint?

I'm not sure if I know how long ago listen the first thing you need do I need you to turn that TV down for me

All right, buddy. I'll turn the TV down first. I'll let you know. I'm talking to you. What's going on

No, I can't hear you the TV's too loud. You're an asshole. I got it. We're calling if it doesn't

No problem, buddy. You're the start of the fire. There's some plastic over here. What's your handle man? What's your handle, bro?

What's the big deal? I got customers. Pull me through the management, sir. There's no management here

Who runs the show?

Give me a phone number.

I can't give out a phone number.

You have to come in between 7 and 3.

This is going to get taken care of now.

This is going to be trouble for you, and I'm holding you responsible.

You're answering the phone.

You must be in charge.

All I can say is you need to talk to management in the morning.

Listen, what's your name?

That's when they're here.

What's your name, buddy?

My name's Steve.

What's yours?

This is Valente.

You got your papers on you?

My papers.

I want you to present.

I'm coming down right now.

What time are you leaving?

I want to make sure I'm there before you leave.

I'll leave at 11.

Come on down.

Well, I'm going to be down there right now.

I want yours in order.

You understand, boy?

I want all your papers under order.

And I want copies of your papers.

Your personal papers.

Okay.

What's the numbers on your papers?

Because I want to start checking it out right now.

I have no idea what to talk about.

You got your license number?

I'm running your license number right now.

I'm writing you up.

I need this information.

I'm going to come down.

I want photocopies of it.

I ain't giving you any information over the phone, bud.

It ain't happening.

You're just refusing.

Refusing. Refusing outright to take responsibility for what you've done.

It wasn't me. Am I a female?

Look, listen. It's going to be worse for you.

Just come. Be honest. Tell me now who it was.

You tell me who the woman was. You put her on the phone.

And I don't involve you in anything. I'll talk to the DA.

Everything's going to be cool.

Is that kid fucking stupid or something?

What, are you fucking stupid? You stupid fucking kid?

What's your fucking problem, you fucking ass?

Horse's ass?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Oh, my God.

Ah, fuck you.

That's why I don't like putting white kids on the phone.

It's stupid. Fucking retard. Fucking moron.

Fucking mouth-breathing stupid.

This fucking maniac kid.

That kid's a fucking maniac.

He's going to grow up to be a fucking maniac or something.

He's got fucking problems.

My kid just goes fucking berserk and starts hitting buttons on the phone like a fucking moron.

Jesus.

What is wrong with him?

Rosati's Pizza.

Rosati Pizza.

I got a bunch of pizzas.

It's the same number as the fucking...

Okay, it's Rosati's.

All right.

Make up your mind, sir, who's sending it in.

Mr. Anonymous.

Lifelike.

We got numbers from Lonesome Loser also.

I was a fucking kid.

It's kind of funny.

I don't get mad.

I don't care.

I got a little upset on the air just to fuck around, but it's funny.

Thank you for calling.

Is that a seatbelt to help you?

Oh, that's very funny, sir.

Who's in charge over there?

I don't find it funny in the way you're answering the phone,

the way you're acting about the whole situation.

There's a rude, crass man over there showing his parts to people,

and I made a complaint, and someone already hung up on me when I did.

I want names, and I want numbers.

I want your badge numbers and everything.

Let me know when you're ready.

Go ahead.

Okay, his name is Abir.

Abir.

And he does this a lot?

Taking off his clothes?

I have children with me in the establishment,

and the next thing I know, there's a man showing his things

and pulling out, showing his underwear and everything.

His pants down, showing his underwear.

Oh, really?

What's his name?

I don't think he can do that.

He's the owner, actually.

He's the manager.

I don't think it's a lie.

Well, no, you told me that, so I asked you who it was,

and you said that's who it was.

You gave me some name, Fabian.

Oh, you asked me who was the owner.

I gave you the name of the owner.

I put him on the phone.

He's not here right now.

Put him on the goddamn phone!

He's not here right now.

Close the goddamn door.

Huh?

Close the door.

What door?

Close the door right there.

That door right there.

That ding you just heard.

I want you to close it.

What?

Go answer that ding.

What?

Go answer that ding.

What ding?

The ding I heard back there.

How about you come in and talk to me?

No, what does that ding mean?

No, you come in and talk to me right now.

Stop saying the same thing, moron,

and just answer me the question about what the ding means.

Okay.

You come in and talk to me.

Talk to me.

it say it again stupid you fucking monkey repeat it again stupid there you go i think why they call

me a fucking bitch there in the background oh man we got a lot of numbers some lonesome loser here

we got the blue ox east restaurant randy's donuts they got a shitty cam there cock of the walk

restaurant gangsta subs blankers country store in the foggy hollow farm wow all that damn it

i'm laughing now about that crazy fucking kid he just starts hitting buttons what's wrong with you

fucking maniac

the kid's a fucking maniac

man

no he's not retarded

he just had some

fucking problem

with his fluids

or something man

that's why kids are like that

they got imbalances

chemical imbalances

god

man what's that about too

fucking breathing too much

let's get some

fucking ads up

tonight

Craigslist

let's get one or two

that'd be good

who's good at that

that one guy in here

is good at that

let me know about that

let's do that

I'm gonna step away

for a little bit here

yeah

Yeah, Craig's this guy, not here?

Oh, shit, all right.

What can you do?

Be right back in a minute.

Thank you.

Maybe, bastard.

Shut up, shut up.

Mushy, mushy.

Hi, are you an American English speaker?

Yes, this is New England.

How may I help you?

Oh, this is Vagina Jones.

How you doing?

I'm good, how are you doing?

Do you remember Vagina Jones?

Sorry?

Do you remember me?

I'm Vagina Jones.

Mr. Vagina Jones?

Yeah, you remember me?

Sorry, how do you spell your name?

Vagina, V-A-G-I-N-A, last name Jones, J-O-N-E-S.

J-O-N-E-S.

Vagina Jones.

G-I-N-A Jones.

Do you remember we talked a few months ago?

Remember I came in?

Do you remember that?

I'm sorry, do you remember who you talked to?

I talked to you.

You're the English speaker, right?

There's many English speakers here.

Well, I'm looking.

There was a beautiful lady that I talked to.

Do you know what oral sex is?

Do you know what that is?

So, like, do you remember, like, how did she look like?

Well, you remember if it was me.

If you got oral sex from me, you would remember what I was like.

What do you mean, what does she look like?

She looks like you all look the same.

Squinty eyes, yellow skin, black hair.

You know her?

Because we are Japanese, so, like, lovers look like that.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's true, isn't it?

That's why I love you girls, though.

Thank you very much.

So, was it you the girl that I went down on?

I'm sorry?

Are you the girl that I went down last time?

Sorry, is that called for a reservation?

Well, yeah, but I wanted to make reservations, but I wanted to make sure that I could see you again.

There was a woman I went down, I performed oral sex on a woman there.

I'm wondering if you...

Just a moment, please, sir.

Okay.

May I press your heart?

I suppose so.

I'll take it.

Okay.

Okay, just a moment, please.

Mushy, mushy.

Hello, sir, Phyllis speaking. I'm the manager of the restaurant. I can help you.

I want to talk to the woman.

I

No, no, no.

Well, I performed oral sex on a woman there a few months ago who worked there,

and I was trying to meet up with her again.

What?

I performed oral sex on a woman who works there who took my reservation a few months ago,

and I was back in Tokyo, and I wanted to meet up with her again for more oral sex.

I don't think you are in the right place.

No, this is the New York girl in Tokyo, right?

Yes, girl.

Well, I mean, I don't remember.

She was a Japanese girl.

Do you have any, is she there?

I don't think so.

She doesn't have the name.

Well, do you know who the girl is that lets guys perform oral sex on her there a lot?

All right.

So taking a look here, we've got people working on Atlanta for Craigslist.

Memphis here.

Interesting.

All right, look.

A friend of ours, Athena was just hanging out with her earlier today.

I'm usually the go-to techie guy in our social circles.

I said no to Dobby's meds.

No, he did not get his meds.

The cat did not get his meds.

Anyway, she bought one of those knockoff iPhones.

I don't even know what they're called.

They're like an imitation of the iPhone, Chinese version.

You know what I'm talking about?

I don't really know what it's called.

Is it the K-Phone or something like that?

I got one here, dude.

It is such a fucking blatant ripoff.

Anyway, she bought it for like really cheap and got it and says she can't do half the stuff with it

that it's like, it's all in Chinese and she wanted me to take a look at it.

So I got something to play with here now.

I can't believe how, it literally comes in an iPhone box.

It's an iPhone, it's a fake looking iPhone box.

that you would buy an iphone in and the back of it instead of i instead of iphone just this phone

but everything else is the same 32 gigabytes says on it i don't even know if it's really got 32 gigs

in or not this is crazy how do you turn this on how do you turn on an iphone you hold on the little

fucking button in the middle anybody know no it doesn't do it but not just put your finger and

draw in a circle around that little circle thing no there's no circle thing what's this

it's it's a fucking piece of shit i just thought maybe did that long enough you get excited

it'll do something what it's got something coming out of it it's got a stylus what the fuck look at

this this thing has a stylus what you gotta be kidding me it's an iphone with a stylus

oh man that's bad wow well well i i'll figure out how to turn this on later i just wanted to

to share that with y'all give yourself a shot with that dude yeah she's very unhappy with it

she said she can't find the person that she bought it from on ebay and i was like yeah you think

she's like yeah the person won't respond who sold it on ebay they were a power seller i don't get it

like uh you're a little too naive there young lady all right so that's the a phone or the k phone or

the j phone or whatever it is if anybody has any information on it i read a review on zolar came

to me once he's like hey yo i'm zola and he said he had a kid his one of his kids wanted an iphone

and he was trying to buy him that instead

dead and he asked me if it was a big difference like yeah it's a pretty big difference pretty

big difference buddy okay anyway all right so we got a craigslist ad place in memphis make sure

you're using the right fucking number now we got that new number 405 39 mouth cheer wine they got

cheer wine at wendy's now they don't have cheer wine at wendy's they have cheer wine at wendy's

i'm not getting it i have the diet coke machine they got diet cola champagne cheer wine is good

i've had it before they get it he's seen in south carolina they carried it at wendy's that's

I wish they carried something like that over here.

What's the Puerto Rican one that's coconut?

What's that clear coconut soda, man?

You know what I'm talking about, Milkman.

The one they sell in the Caribbean from Puerto Rico.

Coco Rico, that's what it is.

I don't know if they have it in the Virgin Islands.

They got it all over the states.

Oh, Coco Rico's good, man.

You got to try it sometime.

Yo, Zola is here.

Yo, Zola.

Yo, I'm Zola.

It's like carbonated sweetened coconut water.

it's really fucking good man it's really i'm telling you even the the light the diet version

is good the regular version is even fucking better i used to drink it when i was a kid

i'm diabetic that's probably what did it well you just drink it on its own but i guess you

could mix it with rum i think they do mix it with rum rum right yeah you can mix coco lobe

coco rico i don't know if you could find it up there there's a lot of puerto ricans here in the

states i know there's a lot of prs over there in canada okay well i can do that now as a matter

of fact close the door and i gotta i put it in that new router remember i was telling you guys

and um the wi-fi i gotta i gotta i forgot i haven't gone around all the pcs yet nathena

has to go on her facebook feed her farm animals and all this her fake virtual farm animals and

whatnot so let me play a prank here while i go and i promise when i come back we're gonna get

into you know real fucking prank call mode here no fucking slacking my back is killing me again

bad back again i'm gonna take something with my back tonight i think ah you like it thanks

about in the virgin islands i'll be back soon as i can sorry guys

This is Todd.

He had a jail for indecent exposure.

Your number to call.

I don't know what happened.

Oh, which Rachel do you think you're speaking to?

Is Rachel wise?

Yeah.

There's only like a very limited number of people with this number.

None of them are called Chris.

No, no.

Chris told me to call you.

Here's what happened.

I don't know why they did this.

I was urinating in public and this lady screamed.

I couldn't believe what she was doing.

As loud as she could.

I wanted to hit her.

Are you aware it's the middle of the night?

I know it is.

that's what he told me to call you when i called him they gave me two calls but he he told me to

call you he said you can't come on stop stop playing with me rachel you know who this is

no i haven't got it i've got the money i'll i'll just need you to come sign the papers up here

please don't no rachel don't don't get all freaked out all right you know rachel please just find

the papers and get me out of jail i don't know how much longer i'm standing here there's some

guys looking at my butt they said my mom's looking really nice to them i don't want i

I don't want to be butt-wrecked tonight.

Please, just come and get me out of jail.

You won't take your...

Which jail?

What?

Which jail?

Wait, I'm right behind you.

I'm right down the...

I'm probably about two miles from your house.

Of course, I know where you live.

You're giving me, do you?

I know where you live.

I'm definitely going to hang up on you.

It's the middle of the night.

Please don't call me.

Please, Rachel.

This is my only...

My last call.

They won't let me call anyone else.

Well, why are you phoning me?

Why are you phoning me?

Because Chris told me to phone you.

I don't want to get bummed, right?

Chris!

Please, just come find the papers. I've got the money.

You haven't actually told me where you are. I don't know what you want from me.

I just need you to come find the papers.

I'm going to hang up on you.

There's a madhouse. There's crazy people in here.

I don't know to be in here. They're freaking me out.

Is your laptop already on?

Well, I'm going to hang up on you.

No, not the internet.

You're weird.

Huh?

This isn't going anywhere, is it?

No.

Why not?

Come on, baby.

Is that what happened here? Who are you?

Just come get me out. We've been together like two or three times. You don't remember me?

You were drunk, I'd put something in your drink, but you know what? It's alright, right?

I love you, Pat. Please don't phone me in the middle of the night. It's not funny.

Come on. I know Pat too, but you know what? Just stay here and sign the papers.

Please don't phone me, Pat. I'm planning it.

I think an officer's coming. If you want to talk to an officer, let him come down here.

You want to tell an officer, let me rot here all night, right? Let me get bomb raped, right?

Hang on. Let me let you talk to an officer.

Please don't phone me in the middle of the night.

Officer, this is my friend Rachel Wise. Will you come help her? Talk to her real quick, alright?

Well, hello, this is officer Toms. How are you? You gonna let your friend sit here in rotten jail all night?

If you don't tell me how you got this number, I'm going to actually have to report you to the police.

Because you can't phone people in the middle of the night. It's just not a reasonable way of behaving.

I've got the police here.

Well done.

Okay, so you want a phone back? You can call back up here. Call the police back up here.

Tell them you come down and install the papers. And then, like I said, I've got the money. It's only £400.

I'll find you now.

No, please don't. Don't leave me hanging, Rachel. Please, sweetie. Don't do this to me.

I think I'm in the phone box.

You're not in the phone box.

Maybe I am. I'm going to go.

Are you going to go now?

Yes.

Can I listen?

Bye.

Listen.

You almost got the sense that she just stared at the phone for a second in disgust.

Just like she looked at it.

Listen, I thought you can have you.

Yeah, man. Do you deliver? Do I need to speak twice? What's going on?

You don't deliver? Can I place an order to come pick up then?

You can do that. Uh-huh.

Okay, what you guys have there? What's the deal with the fried chicken? Not fried. What's Louisiana fried?

Is there some kind of sauce on it? What's the answer?

You want a four-piece meal? I mean a four-piece meal? Three-piece meal?

I don't know. What's the biggest piece of meal you got? How many pieces you have?

I have family.

I could eat 12 pieces. Well, is it spicy?

I only have one just mild. A 12-piece chicken with two medium size and so it's $69.

$69? Do you maybe have like a happy meal there?

No, you can come take a look. I really don't know how to tell you.

Do you?

We have a roast can and central.

What about happy ending meal? You got one of them?

Meal? You want a small meal? You have two pea and three pea, four pea?

Two pea? I don't need two pea, no.

What's going on?

My question, what's the difference between Louisa and fried chicken and fried?

Do you have fried watermelon?

No.

Are you sure?

At the roast can and central, we don't have that.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, now I know that. You're on roast cans, right?

Central.

Right.

The corner.

Yeah.

The corner.

The location at Rose Canyon Central.

You know where you're at.

Pass by you every day.

I just never stop in.

I know where fried chicken was.

Yeah.

We have a piece meal with a french fry, a roll, and a drink.

Not the meal.

Or you want a three piece meal with a fry, a roll, and a drink.

How many people you got working there?

Oh, you two piece, and three piece, and four piece, and bigger piece.

No, no.

Not pieces.

How many people?

You got enough people working there?

Can you get this?

Okay.

Hold on.

yeah let me help you english ma'am no i'm not a miss like a swiss miss is that what it is a little

bit of chocolate all right you know i'm bringing i'm bringing my no it's a bad habit you can have

you know people make mistakes now you're gonna learn about your mistakes my whole thing

come again that's another three thousand dollar fine and the changes to the wireless network

knocked out the fucking uh my connection to the net over here now i gotta get back in the chat

room fucking beautiful beautiful freaking day everybody well the server stayed up because it

is hardwired all right good we're here we're good we got a lot of voicemails oh that could only mean

we got some craigslist ads over here let's get back in the chat room i can check up on that

jack off 5000 let's love jack off 5000 nice name wouldn't mind offering me in there milkman or

andy or nunu or tuck or kokanee i'd appreciate that all right let's get some pranks out of the

the way here we're the blue ox east restaurant we're gonna hit first oh hold up hold up hold up

i just said i was gonna listen to the voicemails god i got problems man holy shit a lot of them

came in here all right so apparently this is in california i was calling about the post on

craigslist uh for the free lcd tvs lcd tvs huh la la la okay lcd tvs eh someone sent me a link

PM me a link to that.

Okay.

Here we go.

So we got free LCD TVs.

Grishnab is sending it in.

It's been flagged for removal.

It didn't last very long, eh?

Oh, man.

They just flagged it, man.

All right, let's see what else I got here.

Let me see if anybody else called about it.

Oh, a lot of people calling this shit, man.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Well, your phone sucks, Celeste.

I'm not going to call you.

How do you like that?

If you still have the TVs on Craig's list, you can give me a call.

All right, let's give him a call back.

Thank you.

All right, Steve.

Sounds like a good son.

Yeah.

Sounds like he'd be fine.

Sounds like he's got a little bit of shit in his ass, yeah.

TVs, eh?

Don't put it in the order.

Yeah, hi, this is Carl.

I was calling you back.

You left me a message about the TVs, if you're interested or not.

Yeah, the one, okay.

You got to come down and move them yourself.

You got a vehicle that you can put it in?

Yeah, they're one size of these.

from the convention center they're about 60 inches 60 inch screen oh yeah they use them in

the convention center to have big shows come out you know that guy joel osteen he's on the tv he's

one of those minister people well he comes down there and starts getting to preaching

then i was watching 2020 the same night and sure enough i found out that the guy's hoaxing stuff

and making fake things and paying private investigators so we pulled the contract with

with them. We're getting rid of the TVs. Everything's got to go. We got Eucharist. We got holy wines

and everything. TV, you got a small house. You can take them on the bus. The bus would

probably fit in the bus. You got a bus? You can put them on a bus or a van, like a big

van bus. How much space has you got in your car? It could be the other way. Oh, we could

fit it in there. Totally. I got twine. You got any rope or anything? Bungee? Cargo straps.

Hey, you come down, we'll put it. What kind of car you got? Oh, we could put it in that.

No problem. Right. But you're going to have to make a separate trip just for the power

adapter for the thing is huge as a beast it's the size of a desk uses a lot of

electricity too it's one of those big powerful TVs they use never been to the

Staples Center Staples Center is you know what it is they got that big screen

inside I've been to places like it yeah yeah it's about that size and it says

it's got this thing on the bottom for Pepsi Cola and Budweiser on the other

side and everything scoreboard what was that what was that you said all right

you got it out power adapter you got to make two trips out for it the 660 volt

triple phase industrial lighting powered what kind of electricity you got you got two phases

three phase i can get you three phase oh no i'll drop you have the two phases i'm down for you me

and my uncle will come down we'll drop the two phases on the weekend you don't need permits or

anything you give us like 30 bucks you drop down two single phase lines the two separate ones you

get upgrade you instantly three phase you ain't got to pay the power company or nothing i mean

you're that electromagnets it's fine we'll come down on your bus when can you be here what's the

You okay?

Don't be scared.

I'll tell you, you come and get it, I'll throw in the Tesla coil and everything.

Keeps it, you know, separate three-phase through the Tesla coil.

We don't have to worry about it.

Drop a Tesla coil on top of it.

Sounds like something to take a fucking gut right now.

Well, look, the fat is in the fire.

Are you going to take it or not?

You yellow chicken shit.

You're wasting my time.

Do you want the TV machine or not?

Son of a bitch.

Jesus.

Indecisive motherfucker.

God.

For something that's for the guys, so goddamn indecisive.

God.

um

you gotta throw in there

next time

you gotta throw in

the Jacob's Ladder

you know those two

Jacob's Ladder

yeah

yeah yeah

that

the the the

the props from the

uh fucking

uh whatever

Frankenstein movie

or something

you know

they got a big

dozen

yeah

here's another call

see what this is about

I'm gonna tell people

to meet me at the

Staples Center

put it

put it out in LA

for a giant TV

for giveaway

and I'll tell them

to meet me at the

Staples Center

and we're breaking in to steal a big screen TV off the ceiling.

Hello?

Hey, I'm back to do a call.

I just want to do one call.

All right.

I don't want people to hear it, and that's hilarious.

All right, you got a good idea.

All right, you're not going to hit...

Why did you hit buttons?

I'm not mad at you, all right?

Just why did you...

Why do kids do that all the time?

You think it's kind of kooky?

I thought it was adds to the call.

Great radio, I tell you.

All right, let me see.

I don't have a 7-Eleven yet.

Shit.

I can send you one.

All right, send it to me.

How do you send through the chat room?

I don't know how.

Do you have AOL? Do you have Yahoo?

I have Yahoo, but I haven't been on it in so long.

Oh, forget it.

Alright, so double-click on my name or something. I don't know.

Facebook? You can send it. Yeah, sure. Yeah, send it there.

Fuck, I don't use that shit.

That's you? Okay.

Oh, you're that weird Ellerbeck kid? No wonder.

I always knew you were kind of creepy.

What did I do?

I don't know. You're kind of weird.

You hit buttons and stuff on the phone. I don't know. I don't know.

You gotta watch out for that, man.

Are you 17 yet, or what are you, 18?

No, I'm... I would rather not...

Oh, whatever.

All right, hang on, we'll call the 7-Eleven.

This better be a 7-Eleven, goddammit.

I swear to God, if it's not a 7-Eleven, son of a bitch.

Thank you, RBCP, for doing the right thing.

I'm just kidding about RBCP canceling us.

It's just fucking bullshit.

No one cares.

No one took me seriously.

Except for Milkman, who thinks it's real.

Milkman, whoo!

Access your account.

50 new messages.

To access the main menu at any time, please enter the phone.

This is a free call.

Wow, boy.

We're good with the echo already.

What do you mean regulation?

It is regulation.

What are you talking about, man?

Okay, well, hello.

This is Mr. John Herpy from corporate.

Yeah.

Can you please report your store, please?

What record store number?

For what?

Okay, no, no, no.

I don't have to record who you are.

Who you are.

Come in the front of the store so I will see you.

Don't talk in a fucking voice chat on the phone.

Come in the store so I will see how fucking you are.

Who you are.

I'm from corporate.

What corporate?

Please don't speak to me on the phone.

The one in California.

The

We'll call him back, man. Not bad. Best prank of the night so far, uh, Big Chris. You should be proud of yourself.

Usually they-

Hello!

Usually they get the manager- hello?

Target's still on the phone.

Usually they get the manager and then-

He's still on the line. Let me clear it.

What is this fucking rant? We'll call him back.

We need answers.

Everything tastes better free.

Don't tell me you thought I was really the Indian guy, did you?

Did he answer, though?

They took the phone off the hook.

Because when he picked up, he didn't say anything.

He says, blah, blah, blah, and you were like, oh, my God.

He hesitated.

Cancel the call, please.

He didn't say anything.

He did.

He picked up a sentence.

Like that.

He said that, too.

He said he was like, hey, hey, hey, hey.

All right, give me a city.

I'll give you a 7-Eleven, all right?

What do you want to call?

That guy's funny.

We've got to call him back.

Save that one.

one back one day.

Think there's any

Indians in North

Dakota?

I don't think so.

Let's find out.

I hope so.

Think there's any

7-Elevens there.

I love the Indians.

I love those people.

I don't know.

Let's call it

Illinois.

A lot of Indians

over there.

I'm looking it up,

all right?

Take it easy.

So what's your

major, man?

You gonna major in

something in high

school or college

rather?

What are your

plans?

Computers?

Well, actually,

I'm gonna be

majoring in drama.

Oh, kids.

Yeah, I'm gonna

become an actor.

The drama kids.

All right, look,

No, one day I'm going to be famous, and you're going to be sorry.

You made fun of me.

No, that's cool.

Dude, I got your star.

Look, you're on radio for the first time.

Internet radio.

Hey.

You don't remember me?

No, not really.

I don't pay attention to you guys that much.

Listen, I sent you the 7-Eleven on Madison Street in Chicago, okay?

All right.

And we'll try it again.

Son of a bitch.

You don't go anywhere.

Okay.

Do you know it's .35 miles from your house?

No, it's not.

It just says .35 miles.

I don't know.

In the city center.

What does that mean?

Hello.

Hello, I'm John Herpy from Corporate.

Okay.

Actually, all the managers, they return in the morning tomorrow.

Do you mind if I tell you this?

You report to the manager because this is actually very important.

No problem.

Okay, papers, full bills and stuff, and see your story.

Pay our electrical bill.

It's a funny story.

We're required to tell you this.

This is a employee named Valente was jerking off late night in the office,

and this is no joke.

It's kind of funny, actually.

And, um, we couldn't send it in.

Any minute now, you're probably going out.

We don't know what...

I wish I could tell my boss that some guy was...

Um, believe it or not, there's a book that says anytime you're working off in the office, we have to tell you.

I don't know if working in the office, you had some ideas on what...

Um, you could just get a flashlight, turn them on, maybe that would work.

Sure.

You have a whole bunch of flashlights there, right?

Just take them out of the package, turn the lights to go out, um, turn them on.

Probably wait until the lights turn out. Just take all the flashlights out of the packages, put batteries in them, shining them all over the store.

Maybe that'll be enough, and you won't be able to give out plushies and stuff, but you'll be able to sell the other stuff.

Okay, and this is for real? Sorry, it just sounds like really funny to me. I'm just making sure.

Actually, if you want to talk to Mr. Valente, the one who ruined, soiled your, yelling at him a little bit.

Um, like, be like, um, uh, the employees.

Really get mad at somebody for this if he messes up.

To get all the anger out.

If you, if you want to hand him the phone, um, you just gotta promise me you'll yell at him a lot.

Um, actually, no, I'm not going to do that because I don't want to lose my job.

So I'm not gonna...

No, you will not lose your job.

Um, this guy, he's, he's actually the janitor.

He, he can't do anything to your job.

Um, I'm saying it's okay.

He, he's the janitor.

I, he could be yelled at.

Yeah, well, I'm about to call my boss right now really fast, so if you could hold on a second.

That would probably be a bad idea.

Do you know what? It was a joke. I was.

I really do.

Do you know what? How about this?

Well, we'll send you a whole bunch of certificates to take out.

No, I'm actually going to call my boss.

No, you probably shouldn't do that.

I don't want to get in trouble.

Well, I'm sorry, but I think our electricity is way more important than you getting in trouble.

Rummy?

Um, wait, can I ask you a question real quick?

Hi, um, hold on, sir.

Right here on the phone. I don't know if this is a joke, but he's, like, really starting to piss me off.

He called and said that, um, they didn't pay your electricity bill and they're from corporate so that the power should be going out.

Can I have your phone number?

Um, somewhere. Um, I'm gonna hand over the phone to, um, Mr. Terry, Mr. Valente, and he will be able to tell you all the information you need.

Um, uh, yeah, this is, uh...

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

This is Valente.

Can I have your guys' corporate phone number, please?

Uh...

Because my boss wants to talk to you.

Uh, all right, hang on.

Yeah.

I got the number for you.

Ready to copy it down?

Okay, the number?

Uh, that's, um, 405...

Is that the area code?

Uh-huh.

Five?

Uh, yeah, 405.

Okay.

Hang on, let me check.

Yeah, it's 405.

405?

Uh-huh.

3-9-6-6-8

That's not a regular phone number.

No, I'm not done with it yet.

All right.

Hold on.

Yeah?

Sounds like hold.

It's really getting pretty funny.

Returning to main menu.

Yes, you did.

You have.

Calling back again one more time.

We're having fun with that.

Okay.

Let's call him back, Carlito.

Hey.

Let's call.

Call these people back here.

That was Chris, who likes to say um a lot, and he's one of those drama queers.

Awesome, man.

Good luck with that.

I like that, though.

Craigslist.

Um.

You can move and then go check and see.

We had a car ad and we had a TV ad.

Oh, shit, we had a car ad? Really?

Let me check that.

Yeah, the car ad was in Phoenix.

I sent you the link.

It's not an emergency, but this is the number for a freebie must

according to the ad on Craigslist.

If this is invalid, reach me.

Oh, whoops, wasn't paying attention there.

Probably could help you out in that area, so give me a holler.

That guy sounds creepy as tuck.

Tell you what, let's give him a call.

Dude, he sounds like the one guy you used to call.

He probably leaves messages on the line.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, true, true, true.

Well, let me call someone and lose their numbers first, all right?

Do you know who he called?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

All right, hang on, guys.

Randy's Donuts, all right?

His name was Jim.

Jim?

Jimb?

Is Jimb around?

Yeah, he used to...

We called for sweet kisses, and he used to call you back all the time.

I don't know.

I think it was his wife.

I don't know.

He was screwing her.

All right, someone's calling in.

If this is a guy who doesn't talk, we're going to hang up on him quickly and call Randy

Randy's Donuts, or it could be that.

Hello.

Hey.

Hi.

Yeah, sure.

Who's this?

Oh, cool, no one.

All right, yeah.

Look, I got a donut shop.

You want to call a donut shop?

We got a problem with that.

Okay.

No, you don't have a problem with it, nor you don't want to do the call.

All right, Randy's Donuts.

Randy's Donuts is in Englewood, California.

Englewood, always up to no fucking good, asshole.

Let's do it.

Nobody's online.

Fucking asshole can't give us his fucking name.

Randy's Donuts.

Listen, my son-kid guy was going to give a call and he couldn't stay on the phone long enough because your people took so long to answer the phone.

I don't hear anybody call over here.

He kept calling and no one would answer the phone. He got upset. He left the house upset.

I say nobody call over here. This is the first time you call me. I got three hours and nobody called me.

Listen, let me tell you something, alright?

Okay.

If my son goes out because he's upset and gets in a car accident because he's driving fast, I'm holding you responsible for your irresponsibility.

It's not my fault.

You can see the phone.

Nobody called me for two hours.

We have numbers over here who call over here.

He got out of my phone.

He left about two hours ago angry.

We haven't heard back from him.

I told you.

What I told you.

Nobody called me in this phone for two hours, three hours.

He called about...

We have bigger numbers in this phone.

Nobody called me.

Well, he's so upset that you people didn't answer the phone.

He's angry, driving anger right now.

What I told you.

I've got three hours over here.

Nobody called me.

We have identification numbers and the phone.

You come and see.

We have your phone.

You can complain with me right now.

Okay?

He was drinking and driving because you made him so angry.

It's not my fault.

Well, I'm holding...

Oh, man.

That lady's funny.

You heard her.

It's not my fault.

We're coming here.

We're looking at the phone.

There's no one on the phone.

That's what my mom would say if I prank called her.

Prank call my mom.

You get something like that.

She'll tell you to go to hell.

Go to hell.

That's what she would say.

Get a Toyota with that acceleration.

All right, cool.

Listen, are you a mother, too?

Because I'm a father.

Yes, I'm a mother.

I'm sorry to say, but you understand what I'm saying?

Nobody call me for three hours.

You call me right now, I answer the phone.

Okay, but listen, imagine if your baby was driving right now, drunk, angry.

Nobody call me to this phone before.

Nobody.

What do I do?

You call me, you call me, like you call me two times, I answer the phone, right?

But before that, you didn't answer.

Nobody called me.

Why couldn't you answer?

Nobody called me before.

Why couldn't you answer?

Nobody called me before.

I'm busy.

I have customers that I want to take care of.

He's in a Toyota.

Oh, man.

I ended up with a dial tone at the end of that one.

Oh, man.

That was good.

All right.

Ken says you quit everything on Tuesdays to catch a show.

Holy shit, Ken.

That's a lot of pressure, man.

Don't do that to me.

You're going to get in trouble, man.

You can't take Tuesdays off every week.

Your boss is going to get mad.

Have one.

Are you on your own, boss?

You your own boss no pens his own boss versus pants. Just like you like some right under his gut

Look when how you wear your pants you wear them under your belly

I think you do right talk he sounds like a guy that does that right avoid Asian men that wear their pants under their belly

Oh, yeah, he belt he

Yeah, you do. I bet you wear a tie with short sleeves to crazy fucker. I'm button those top two buttons

Hello something happened. I don't know which one is this

This is...

Who is this?

This is Nolan.

Oh, Nolan.

Nolan, Nolan.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, you missed your shot.

We had fun with that, though,

because you know what?

Because you dropped off,

I made this whole story

that you got in an accident in a car.

All right, so listen.

We're going to call that...

I heard, because, like,

I got my radio,

and it's got a way on it.

Oh.

And here's a call.

Fuck, yeah.

All right, hey,

so you want to call back

and call back as my son

and ask him if your dad's been looking for you.

Maybe she'll explain it.

Yeah.

This is interesting.

All right, I forgot her name.

It's like, uh, Lopez or something.

Everybody!

Nolan is back.

Nolan.

Uh, he likes you, Milkman.

Oh.

Dial it wrong again.

Fuck.

Lutz and Luz is gonna kill me if I don't get those numbers, Milkman.

He's gonna quit.

You know the premise.

A lot of pressure on Nolan here right now.

Everyone pray for him.

Ask if your dad haven't been calling.

God.

You can't have a cigarette.

Wow, man.

You gotta stick to the plan, man.

The plan was for the diamonds.

The plan was the main menu.

All right, hang on.

You have 50 new messages.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

To place a call, press 2.

For a new 411, press 3.

Or to change your settings, press 4.

All right, hang on.

Oh, yeah, we lost him.

Oh, my God.

All right, anyway.

Cock of the Walk restaurant in Mamaville, Arizona.

I like this little background tune here, huh?

Trying to convince the old lady to go on a cruise for her anniversary.

Get her in on here.

Big Sheldon, I don't appreciate people going down there soliciting me to buy cruise line tickets.

What's this about?

Leaving, I was parked there and I was leaving and this man came up to me and started soliciting me and my wife for cruise ship tickets.

What's this?

About that.

You got somebody trying to sell timeshares and cruise ship tickets to people.

What's that?

It's like an hour ago I'm walking out, getting in my car and this man's like,

Hey, are you guys from around here?

And he said that if I could come down to the hotel, they would give me a free night stay in the hotel if I listened to a three hour presentation.

And I heard these are pyramid schemes.

And he kept looking at my wife.

White guy, dark hair, about 5'11", yay.

Wish you would kick his ass right there in front of everybody.

Make an example out of him.

You said white guy, though?

Yeah, white guy.

There's another black guy with him.

You know who these people are?

Are they up to no good?

I have no idea.

Did they mention a name or anything?

Just cruise ship.

Something about cruise ship and some kind of resort.

Yeah, you people been some flim-flam with these people?

That guy told me that you guys were late on your rent.

And you guys, they were in there selling this shit because you people were laying on your rent.

You people got given an offer to let them go out there, that it was okay and everything.

And I said I was going to go in and speak to the manager.

And the guy started talking to me about knives.

Knives?

He's like, hey, do you like knives?

I got knives over here.

I said, no, I don't want to see no knives, man.

And he said, yeah, he was telling me about knives, how they make knives, that he used to make knives.

I'd offer.

That's what I was telling him.

But he said no, and he asked me to call and ask your people to show your papers and everything.

That he was right.

Is there an African-American that works there?

A black dude now?

No?

We used to.

Did he have his papers?

He's an old...

I'm saying maybe he didn't have his papers.

Maybe someone should check up on his papers.

Sit down.

We've got to check the black guy's papers.

Because of his papers, I think we need to return him back to where he came from.

You know?

Because I have a friend.

He's a bounty hunter.

Valente.

Yeah.

And I drive a Dodge Stratus.

I came down a little bit ago.

Did you get my number?

I mean, how am I going to hear back from you?

I got you on...

You got a 405 number?

number listen i'm in town for another week and a half i leave next thursday okay i'm gonna come

back in and want to talk what's your name miller all right shelton i'm gonna be coming down i'll

have some papers for you okay i'll see you then my big guy handsome handsome everybody handsome

shelton miller over there i don't know what that was about that was cock of the walk that's what

it is uh gangsta subs we're here 701 area code where's that at north dakota gangsta subs in

north dakota i'm gonna say they put blue cheese dressing and accused him of being crips they'll

to call them crabs then i'm a blood drum again it's lacking a lot to know but i do have to take

a break here at the top of the hour yes hello this is gangster subs this is gangster subs hello

gangster subs yes the telephone book gangster subs telephone right what number are you calling

uh-huh it says here my computer machine that's what it says in the yellow pages.com that's

gangster subs i want to place an order you have pastrami i'm a woman woman do you have pastrami

Mm-hmm.

I don't have any subs, no pastrami.

What nationality are you?

I'm Italian-American.

Italian-American.

Italian.

What are you, Sicilian? Palermo?

Where are you from? What's your ethnicity?

Who's this?

This is Valente. What's your ethnicity?

What's your name?

Valente.

Valente?

Uh-huh.

No, no, this is gangster subs.

I'm trying to make an order for subs, please.

This is for the fleet.

Fleet?

Mm-hmm.

The fleet.

Fleet.

Fleet Anima.

Northeast Fleet.

Yes, the Northeast Fleet.

Oh, are you in the reserve?

No, no, no.

But I still need to make reservations here for some subs and spaces, if you wouldn't mind.

2-1-2 what?

Donkey's ass says what?

2-1-2.

Donkey's ass says what?

What number did you dial?

Donkey's ass says what?

Donkey's ass says huh.

Hello?

Dushback says what?

Dushback says huh.

Dushback says what?

Oh, sir?

Oh, sir.

Yes, sir.

So, seriously, though, if you don't have pastrami, what do you have?

Salami?

Bologna?

You have the wrong number.

Well, what is it?

What restaurant is this?

Huh?

What do you have in your fridge?

What's in my fridge?

Mm-hmm.

What was that leftover?

What do you have for dinner tonight?

What did you make?

I bet you don't cook.

You sound lazy.

Why are you calling me?

Lazy old crow.

You don't even cook.

Where did you go?

McDonald's?

Did you supersize?

I bet you supersized it tonight, didn't you?

Supersize what?

Your McDonald's.

My McDonald's?

Did you supersize?

I don't understand what you're talking about.

I think you do know what supersized is.

That's when you make it large, all large.

Supersize, that's you.

Supersize Susie.

Mm-hmm.

That's what we all call you at work.

Supersize.

That's what we all call you at work, Supersize Susie.

You always come in with your supersized food.

Supersize Susie.

I come out with my supersized Susie at work.

All your food is always supersized.

Where do you work at?

You go to Arby's, you go to Burger King, McDonald's, it's a supersize all the time.

You went large.

Can I get large?

Can I get ketchup?

Can I get barbecue sauce?

Not you?

Eh?

Valente.

I like the way you say the ente part.

You got a little Latin in you?

No?

What do you got in you?

Tell me.

You got a nice little thing on you?

Hmm?

Do you?

How big a girl are you?

Are you one of Sean's buddies?

Yeah.

Sean there?

You're not going to tell them I called, right?

No, don't tell Sean, though.

Come on, because Sean's going to get pissed off at me.

I just have been drinking tonight and thought I'd give a call.

You're really cool, though.

Come on.

Need a toilet?

What do you got going on tonight?

Yeah, what are they doing?

They'd love to listen to you.

Then put them on.

Put them on.

The phone's tapped.

Didn't you know that?

No, you're supposed to tell me when I begin the call that it's being recorded.

So guess what?

If you are recording the call, I don't give you permission.

You have to destroy all copies immediately.

Copy what?

All copies of this call must be destroyed immediately.

Immediately, for I did not give permission for you to record this conversation,

nor have I at any point of this conversation.

And any recordings of this call are not admissible in court.

No, no, no.

You had the wrong number, and you just kept rattling on.

You never confirmed.

Did I tell you that?

No, you didn't.

You never said yes or no about who this was.

You're very ambiguous and very misleading is what I think.

And I think you're trying to get in for me.

No, you are.

I think you're tapping into this.

You're trying to be filthy, and you're trying to call a person,

and not listen and hang up.

Explain to me how are you tapping into the phone system?

You're tapping into the phone system for this restaurant, this sandwich place.

You're taking their calls,

and you're stealing people's credit card information when they make the payment.

Isn't that right?

I'm stealing credit card information.

I'm on to you.

You know what?

I saw this on 2020,

that you people are going around redirecting good companies' phone calls to yourself,

and when people make an order and they pay with a credit card on the phone,

you take their credit card information.

This was on 2020, not too long ago, with Hugh Downs.

I'm going to report you, as a matter of fact.

I hope you have your papers.

What does that have to do with McDonald's and making a big one?

Supersizing.

You called up and you called up and you called up to be filthy.

You know exactly where you called.

I told you that this cop's on this phone.

and I told you when you first started talking

that you had the wrong number.

So don't play your bullshit onto me

and get off the damn phone.

Two judges on my payroll.

All right, cool.

She's just fucking...

Wow, she is onto us.

Wow.

Nunez has called back.

I have a ton.

Yeah, Chris, we got to get some podcast up.

You're right.

I don't know.

No, I copy-pasted the number that was sent to me.

It was some crazy lady.

That was cool.

All right.

Gangster subs went, well, not sub-like, but I had a whole idea for that.

I think it would be a good idea to call a sub place and tell them you want blue cheese and all that.

Blue bread, blue cheese.

Yeah, I'm a crip.

I don't want any red on my sub.

Fuck that.

I got a hundred fun-ups.

I wanted to know how much it is for a pack of Marlboro Mentholite Ultralight 100s in a box.

20-ounce Coca-Cola Classic.

Didn't like that.

I don't know exactly how much all of this that I'm telling you is, so I can have exact money when I come in.

Marlboro, menthol, ultralight, 100s, in a box, ultralights.

Container.

You got the shorts.

You got a box or soft pack?

Soft pack.

I'll take the box, put that down, and I need that 20 ounce Coke.

You guys got potted meat food product there?

I need two tins of potted meat food product.

Potted meat food product, you know that little fucking meat in the can?

Soft meat?

What?

What are you talking like?

No, pot of meat fruit product is what it's called.

It's whore mail stuff.

What else you got there?

That spam?

Well, look, I'm asking you.

I'm telling you.

I know, but I got customers.

I can't run all over the store checking prices.

Bring an exact goddamn change.

Well?

That 20 ounce soda.

Just grab the 20 ounce soda.

The price on your cigarettes are $5.99.

What about that soda?

Can I go get the soda?

Well, I want you to add up the total.

I need a subtotal.

No, you add it up.

I'm going to tell you how much that game, dude.

I'm busy.

I have customers.

Lazy.

I'm going to tell you the prices.

$5.99.

Write it down.

What do you pass on the way to the soda?

What do you pass on the way back from the soda?

I haven't got to the soda.

I'm ringing up.

Dude, you're going to have to wait.

Ask about the pot of meat food product.

What are you talking about, man?

I know you got it there, man, because I've seen it.

I bought it there before.

Well, I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't buy it.

Well, if you gave me a receipt like you're supposed to, I'd know what it is, wouldn't I?

Dude, I'm going to hang up in a second if you don't calm down and talk to me.

I'm trying to help you out here, but I'm busy here, too.

I'm sorry.

are well right now no don't come on i don't have to find out nothing for you sorry you want to come

in and find out you can get it yourself what do you want a 20 ounce coke yeah coke is a dollar

94 for 20 ounce coke a dollar 94 they got it for a dollar 50 down at the racetrack then go to the

racetrack dude they don't take checks there all right i'm not gonna take your check unless it's

local either so yeah who do i make this check out to it just depends on if it's until you get here

No, it says local on it, from Valentin Associates.

It says local right here.

It's a Westland fucking address.

Westland.

I'll make sure it says that on there, yes.

It'll say anything, whatever address.

I don't want to get my butt chewed from my boss.

The only thing I got, and I don't know what you're talking about, meat by product, I got...

How much is that?

$59 a can.

Yeah, $4.59, $5.99, and $1.94.

What's that all?

No, what's that all come out to?

I told you to write it down and add it up, man.

I don't have any. You have a cash register there, though. I don't understand why...

I can't total it on my cash register. It'll screw everything up, man.

You just hit on price check, the button.

You can't write it down. If you've got a pen and you're going to write a check,

you can just damn well add it up yourself and write out the check, all right?

No, but you people add fees and stuff, and I don't know what they are.

Okay, well, you have to come in here, because I don't know what you...

What's the sales tax index? Sales tax index.

What about local taxes, anything?

There is no local taxes.

The prices I just gave you is what it's going to ring up.

$4.59, $5.99, $1.94.

All right, so there's a soft pack cheaper than a hard pack.

I'll take the soft pack.

I don't have soft packs.

I have the box.

Any Dorals?

Are they cheaper?

Those are cheaper, right?

The Doral Menthol?

We don't have Dorals.

What's the generic basics?

American, um, and what's that?

And the other one was $5.99?

Yeah, this is $5.89.

$5.89?

Yeah, it's 10 cents cheaper.

Minus, $5.89 minus $4.89 is 10 cents cheaper?

$5.89 the other one.

Okay, so it's $0.10 cheaper.

Yes.

Well, what should I get? What do you think?

Whatever you want to smoke, dude. I don't smoke, so I couldn't tell you.

You're talking to the wrong person.

Well, you chewed it.

Anyway, I got other cups you want. You know where it is. You can come get it.

Do you have any chaw? Chewing dip?

What kinds of it here?

You got the Skol? What does that go for?

I can't sit here and do this all night with you.

Come on, this is the last one, and I'll make the check out before I get there.

I'm going to print it. I'm going to print the check.

What kind of Skol are you looking for?

Well, what's good? I've never dipped before, so I don't know.

Don't do that shit, dude. I don't know what you want.

What do they got there? Menthol?

I got, I got fine cut.

All right, long cut wintergreen, my friend, PJ, this time.

Oh, it's $6.39. Doesn't matter.

Oh, so it's cheaper than the other one then, than the cigarettes. All right.

No, it's more expensive.

Yeah, but the other one was $6.99 and $6.89.

It was $5.99. Didn't you write this stuff down, dude?

You were going to total it for me. I mean, that's...

No, I wasn't. I told you I'm not going to total it for you.

I'm busy with customers, and I'm really happy about it.

Look, I'm typing up the check.

I'm going to print it right now on the computer.

Whatever you want, dude.

I got to go.

Oh, you're taking his check.

What do you buy?

Yeah, and it says I type local in it, too, so it's local.

We'll see when you get here.

It says this is a local check.

All right, buddy.

Thank you.

The fucking guy running around all over the store.

Hey, yeah.

That was interesting.

Nunu has a new call.

Nunu, if you got a new call, you got to send it to me.

If you want me to play your new call, sir.

I mean, it's bullshit.

I don't have that.

I probably deleted it because I'm so angry.

Maven's father is nice

Digital Yorder Bruno

On Netflix

Anyway

RBCP will be joining us

At the top of the old hour

At midnight

Eastern that is

9pm central

Fuck

9pm pacific

With the phone show

Bessa

The overweight guy

Last week we were preempted by

Who was it on Cinekin

What did I say

I've been quoting

I quoted the name of the show all weekend

No no

It was Twiggy and the Bottom

That's what I kept saying

twiggy in the bottom twiggy in the bottom coming at you we're getting the bottom here yeah digital

if you're listening talking about that movie bruno it was a little a little too much i was okay with

the humor when it came to the ology show and when it came to the borat movie but it was a little

over the top like what they did to ron paul was really stupid fucking ron paul looks scared as

fuck man i'm not gonna get into what it was anyway if you saw the movie know what i'm talking about

Bruno fucking getting all naked in front of Ron Paul.

And Ron Paul's like, who?

Ran out.

I was like, fuck that guy.

I'm playing with him.

I'm calling so late, but I saw you just posted this ad recently about the TV.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, is that on still?

You have somebody yet?

Well, I was hoping someone would meet me down here and get this damn TV.

It's too damn big.

There are two of them?

It's just one TV.

It's got four screens, four sides to it.

Never heard anything like it.

It does have a very large LCD screen.

Yeah, yeah, it's from the Staples Center.

Oh, so they're not actually TV.

No, it's the TV. You watch TV on it.

You play Nintendo on it, you do whatever you want. I don't care.

But it's got a receiver and everything?

Yeah, AV input, DVI input, X input.

It's from the Staples Center. Where are you?

Well, I mean, I got it. It was a hand-me-down.

It fell from the Staples Center. I never played it.

It's the big screen TV.

It's got Pepsi branding on it all over.

It works great.

You can watch four fucking shows.

I put it in the center of my living room.

What city are you in?

This is Valentin Associates.

I don't know what you're calling, but I'm in Valentin Associates.

But what city?

You're in the Atlanta crazy place.

Yeah, Atlanta, yeah.

Yeah, we got it.

We used to be in San Francisco.

And then we got this hand-me-down, and we did the movie, brought it over.

We can't have this here anymore.

Milkman, what's the power source on this thing?

It's a triple phase.

Okay, but you're in Atlanta.

Uh-huh.

Where?

Oh, man.

In downtown.

I mean, if you want to meet me, it's at the warehouse right now.

I can't do it right now.

It'd have to be tomorrow.

Oh, all right.

Sure.

Well, what do you want to do, Evan?

What are you thinking about doing?

What's the address there?

Oh, hang on.

It's 622.

Okay.

In the city.

That's right.

So what are you coming in to pick it up with?

Because you've got to make sure it fits in there, and there's FCC regulations.

I've got to pick up.

Because, you know, when you turn it on, the FCC, it's not allowed to interfere with anything else that's transmitting in the area.

All right.

I'll give you a call tomorrow.

Have you got three phase over there where you're installing this or what?

No.

I don't know.

660 volt triple phase

Okay, I'll give you a holiday tomorrow, thanks

Hey, listen

Yeah

Listen, if you don't come and pick this up

I'm holding you personally responsible

I'm holding

And I should

If he doesn't come and pick it up, it's his fault, right?

Okay

Ron Paul

Jen-a-na-na-na-na

Talking about a

Talking about a break, right?

I gotta take a wee

I need an address

I'm making up South 50's

I don't know what the fuck that is

I don't know where the fuck I just sent him

Probably sent him to the ghetto

Sounds like a ghetto address

Christ, fucking guy's gonna get shot

because you people didn't give me a goddamn address.

We've got a Hank Hill prank call from Big Noonoo

coming up during this break.

More numbers here to get to.

A lot of requests still here.

We've got Foggy Hollow Farm,

Fritz Gourmet Belgian Fries,

Peachtree Street, of course.

I should have known where I work at.

It's all Peachtree Street.

I think all of Atlanta is the fucking Peachtree Street.

What the fuck is that?

God damn it.

And we've got numbers in the UK.

Wise Guys Pizza,

Pizza, Oz Pizza.

They're in Atlanta also.

Once Illusion says we should be sending people here.

Okay.

Once Illusion says we should be sending people to Fairborn Pizza Place.

So we're going to send people there.

Okay.

We'll be right back.

Give me like, give me a few minutes, guys.

I've got to take a wee, take a bite, and make a sandwich real quick here.

I'll be right back.

We'll do more prank calls.

MadhouseRadio, MadhouseLive.com.

Decent show tonight, not bad.

16th of Feb.

Got about an hour left of show or so.

Probably about 45 minutes when I get back from this break.

Be right back.

Thank you, everybody.

Everybody, MattHasselhoff.com, Milkman.Juice.

Back right after this.

My God, are you still talking?

Why is she still talking?

I'm Hank Hill.

Where's the hardware department?

The hardware department.

I'm looking for a tap and die and some WD-40.

I'm trying to buy a tap and die and some WD-40.

Maybe I'm not getting through to you.

Hammer. Do you know what a hammer is?

Damned hammer.

Now, where in the hell would I go?

Now you listen to me, mister.

Say I want a hammer.

Do you know what a hammer is?

But you just don't listen.

It's like you got a problem with concentration.

My God, are you still talking?

You understand what I'm saying?

Where's the hardware department?

Chinese or Japanese?

Yes.

I apologize for yelling at you.

Yes.

Yelling sorry for yourself?

I do.

That would be Sadie.

She's 5'7", long red hair, green eyes, 38 pH.

All right, yeah, let's talk to her.

I'll have her call you in just a few minutes.

Goodbye.

I'll wait for the big girl to call in.

I have no idea what's going to happen here, but it's going to happen.

Hello, is this the woman?

I was going to call you, but you didn't answer.

This is Mercedes.

Hey, Mercedes.

Yeah, the lady said that you were the big girl.

Yeah, I'm full figured.

You're fat.

She said she was, oh, yeah.

I said, I want a big girl.

She said, oh, she's so fat.

She said that you were really fat, that you were big,

that you maybe didn't shave your legs and stuff like that.

What are you talking about?

that. No, because I said that I wanted a really big girl, like a really nasty girl, and she

said that you're like the best person for that. I'm not big and nasty. I'm like a medium

size. I'm not fat. What do you say to that? Because I was looking for that, and she said

yeah, that she definitely has someone who, you know, didn't have, you know, who looked

a little nasty. I asked her for that. She said, oh yeah, I've got a girl. I think she

said Mercedes or whatever the name. I don't know if that was you or not. Okay. So, yeah,

Yeah, but I shaved my legs just so, you know, I'm not dirty.

Oh, do you have any bruises?

Probably.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I do.

Do you have any scars?

Yeah, I have a scar on my stomach.

I had a surgery.

Oh, you had a baby?

No, I had a gallbladder surgery.

Oh, yeah?

Where were you throwing up?

Where I was throwing up?

Yeah, after the surgery, I was.

No, I threw up before, and they said I had gallbladder stones.

Right.

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, was I throwing up before?

Yeah, right.

Yeah, before I threw up.

Well, that's when I knew I had them.

I kept throwing up.

I couldn't keep their food down, yeah.

That's fucking nuts, right?

How that works like that?

Oh, yeah.

I had my gallbladder out last year, though.

So, it's been years since I had it out.

They're left as far on my stomach.

What about you still have your appendix?

I almost lost that the other day.

I'm going to take my appendix out, but I said I needed it.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I'm not getting rid of that thing.

You never know when you need your appendix.

You're not nasty fat?

Because she was sure.

She's like, oh, yeah, definitely.

This girl you're going to talk to, she's, you know.

I'm a bigger girl, but I'm not, like, sloppy.

I'm very clean and very well kept.

I'm not fat and disgusting.

No?

Well, how many pounds do you weigh?

180, 185.

185?

And you're how tall?

Yeah, you could lose some weight, I think.

I mean, you agree, you could lose some weight, right?

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I want to be smaller, of course, but I'm fine with them.

Yeah, I know.

So, anyway, the reason I was calling is because I was offering for fat girls

The Medifast system, I wanted you to try it out for two or three weeks.

It's simple shakes, eggs for the morning, egg powder you can make, and simple, decent diet.

Dinner for the afternoon and the evening, and if you work, maybe you can do that for 30 minutes.

Do you like cardio?

All right, you called an escort service for an escort.

Did you call to tell me I need to lose weight or something?

I'm calling for fat girl, like, you know, fat girls like you.

I'm full figure. I'm not fat. I'm just full figure.

Well, full figure is fat. Full figure is fat.

I mean, you can't have fat without F. We'll figure if he has F, two Fs in it.

Okay, so do you not like fat girls or anything?

I mean, I was looking to talk to one just to, you know, I thought maybe I'd talk to you, you know.

Have you thought about what it could do to your health? Do you smoke?

No, I don't.

You might as well smoke cigarettes if you're going to be fat, fatty, fatty, fat, fat.

You're a fucking retard. If you ever call my phone again, I swear to fucking God.

Well, you call me first. I have you on my computer machine that you call me first.

On my phone, I call R&D.

You called our escort service, so please do not call my phone back.

You are so full of shit.

Like, seriously, you're a fucking piece of shit.

Like, I love myself, so you need to get yourself checked, for real.

No, but I asked specifically for a fat girl, and they said that you were going to put one on,

and you told me you're not fat, so I'm kind of upset here,

because I don't have time to be dealing with you.

I'm not fat and sloppy like you're asking for.

I'm full-figured.

Are you looking for an escort?

Then what did you call?

Are you looking for an escort or not?

I'm looking for a fat girl escort, not some, you know, wannabe.

well, maybe you need to look elsewhere, because obviously I'm not fat and sloppy like you want.

Well, who's the real fat girl at the company that I didn't get?

You are.

I'm not a girl, though.

You sound like one.

No, I have a penis, so I'm looking at it right now.

What would you, how would you know? You're not even here. How would you know? How would you know that I have a penis or not?

That I'm not a girl. What's this?

I don't know, but I don't sound like a girl.

Oh, look at me. I pulled it out of my ass. Good for you.

Returning to main menu. You have two new messages. To listen to your message...

Fat girl.

Taking the world, taking the world, boys, 98.6, ML, I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box, and a trapdoor at the bottom, so when you die, you open that trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down, Madhouse Radio is back, you are bigger than a woman, you are better than a woman, we'll always be behind you, do not let a woman, we'll always be behind you, ever, make you who you are, ready, this is our old intro,

old old intro

piss jug saying jump on syndicate

they don't want me on syndicate man

piss jug they don't want me on syndicate anymore

they say they don't want me on there anymore

they want me on syndicate

they can come ask me to do it

and apologize for what happened last week

bullshit

they left me out to dry last week

offending me

they disrespected me

they disgraced my ephemerie

folks

I got a few calls during the break there

from the 404 area code

Tampa

why do they keep saying that

Atlanta

got people texting about it too

One in particular.

Yeah, I'm about to give you a call back.

People online, that sounds so...

You were giving away the TV.

Yeah, with attitude, thinking I'm going to fucking help him out.

I'm looking to get a hold of the guy that posted the, uh...

Big Adam over there.

I need some help with the TVs, that's right.

You gotta, uh...

No, you gotta be in shape.

Handle it. I'm about six foot, sir.

You run a...

Times a week, actually.

I want you to bench.

You sound good.

I'm in Fairburn.

Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.

Yeah, see, these CDs, they come from the Pepsi Center.

They fell down, they work.

Now, you need to have enough on this thing.

This is the main screen, and it's got four sides to it.

That's my property.

I got it in the settlement when they sold the naming rights to the Pepsi Center.

I don't know if you remember the Pepsi Center.

No, not quite.

The Pepsi Center is closed.

Okay.

All right, now this...

It's actually, it's one big box TV, pretty much.

It's a big cube.

On every side.

It says Pepsi on it and everything.

It's programmable.

Scoreboard.

Okay.

And then what?

No, that's for you.

Something like that.

I need a regular TV.

Oh, I got one of those, too.

Yeah, that you're willing to give away?

Well, I mean, why don't you want the big TV?

I wouldn't be able to fit like that inside.

What kind of house you got?

You don't have a house?

You got an apartment?

No, I got a house.

I just don't need something that big.

I'm looking for something kind of on the wall,

kind of like a thin, like, flat screen to mount on the wall.

Maybe your house won't support the weight of this

Because your house is maybe on stilts

Or something like that, I don't know

Is it on blocks?

Were you going to drive your house over here to pick it up?

I thought I could get him mad

He sounded like a winner there

He sounded like one of those motherfuckers

I was waiting for it

He didn't go the anger route

He didn't let the dark side of the force take over his soul milk

Good on him

Oh piss

We played it

Didn't it get played at the break?

I queued it to play while I was eating my sandwich and peeing

at the same time.

Look,

when you ever eat and pee,

is it weird to eat

and go to the bathroom

at the same time

in the morning?

I don't think it's weird.

Is there anything weird

about having breakfast

on the toilet?

...and fart at the same time

that you passed out.

Are you looking for a TV?

Are you?

There's no one.

There ain't no one.

What's up?

Do you have any of those

answering calls?

What do you want to call it?

A Craigslist call

or what was it now?

Like the people

who called in for the TV

like respond to one of them.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I got a whole ton of them.

Yeah,

you want to call one

there it is uh i'll call anyone all right i'm looking for it hang on hang on here we go all

right this guy called in i don't have a name or nothing he just texted back about the deal all

right you ready all right buddy here you go on the line i'm telling you this guy this kid's got

the juice there's no white boy night yeah yeah i did as a matter of fact were you interested are

you in shape you left this tv i mean fairburn been here a while we just moved from los angeles

us. We need to get rid of these TVs.

When do you need to move them?

We have a senator coming in to check out the place

tomorrow afternoon.

I'm sorry if I caught you a bad time. I'll call you

back, alright? Okay.

Are we south, technically? It's

Fairburn. That's all I can tell you. We've only been

here for two months. We've been doing nothing

but living in embassy suites

this whole time. They've been doing alarm

checks all night

over here trying to get the alarm system

working. Okay. I don't know if you know anything about

that or not. None.

That's where the things start here, because if you don't remind me, I can't, I don't have the ability.

I'm very bad when it comes to reminding myself of things, you understand?

I'm liable not to remember how to do it.

Doing the fire alarm check over here right now.

Again, I got the fact that I told them when we were on the phones, you're not supposed to have alarm system checks.

Listen, get the address down, are you ready?

Can I catch you at about time?

You didn't tell me about it.

I mean, could you be here perhaps earlier than that?

maybe okay um make sure that you're in shape too because if you fall down the ladder that we're

gonna put you on this ladder if you fall down the ladder and it's your problem not me and i'm not

gonna be responsible for people all down because they're not in shape overweight people i'll see

you way stay in shape and everything hey hey buddy look listen charlie church i'm not looking

for bonnet and shirt this is under the table right we're gonna take some pictures of you and

everything and it's gonna be okay we'll get you an access badge and everything you come inside

and you move the TVs

and we take some pictures

of the TVs.

So what is that?

Like,

what is this?

How high up?

Pretty high up.

There's a four-sided TV.

It's got four sides to it

and a scoreboard on it.

And we got regular LCD TVs

all across the walls.

You want,

you want,

you can take like

two or three of them.

We have,

we have tools here.

We're, you know,

we're borrowing the ladder

and then you're going to come

and you're going to move

all the things.

You're going to move them,

set them up,

take the,

and we're going to take pictures

of you doing it.

It's just to prove

that we moved it, you know.

It's for the catalog and everything.

You want some overalls or jeans?

Picture of you in your jeans.

Will you wear a bandana?

Back right pocket.

It's a wear and us.

Returning to my menu.

You have 50 new messages.

Isn't there a whole code about the bandanas?

There's a code.

A code about the bandanas with the gays.

Like a yellow one means you're going to get pissed on out.

Now there's a whole code.

Pretty sure there is.

I read that somewhere.

It's a gay bandana code.

Call from Kim.

To accept, press 1.

to send a voicemail...

Kenny!

Hey, man, what do you say there, bro?

Hold on, I want to do a...

Okay, you want to call back one of these LCD peoples

or you want to call England?

All right, remember that this is in Atlanta.

We got an address we're using if you need that.

Someone can give it to you in the chat

and let me know, I'll send it to you.

Let me get back up.

All right, I'll do that.

I'm going over to Google Voice.

We'll see who the last person to call in

was about the TVs.

Give me a second here to get it set up.

I hope this isn't the same person I just called.

Let me look here.

Placed.

Okay, good.

This is a different one.

All right.

This is someone that just texted back about moving the TVs.

They're interested.

They're the last person I call in regards to this.

And I've got this address here for you.

You are in the chat room as can, right?

Right.

Billy says there's two TV ads.

There's two of them.

One in Atlanta and one in Petaluma.

Petaluma.

Also Milkman said, no, well, no, this one here says Atlanta and the number of Milkman.

I'm pretty sure it's Atlanta.

770 area code.

That's one of two area codes there.

Okay.

Good catch.

Big Ken, don't go anywhere, bro.

I'm going to get you through to here to someone.

Thank you, sir.

All right, Big Ken on the line.

Thank you for the good catch.

I'm hoping you get a gold star, but I'm too far away, I think.

Okay, let's just let him piss himself.

That's fun.

Yeah, seriously, we do have to do some UK calls here.

Wanker's country story.

That was a fun call.

Hi, Mobley with R&R Lawn Maintenance.

Please leave your name, telephone number.

Nobody there, Ken.

I don't know.

know. Ken, we're going to defer and call England. I don't know if you've ever called England

before. It was usually old people. I'm going to get a little kooky with them. It's always

fun. Wake up calls. Wake up calls. All right, good luck, Ken. Hang on. Ken's going to do

a prank call here. Sense per minute. Here are the details for this call.

Three in the two that I read. They were telling me you were the biggest bloke around. I think

he's got the wrong number. Oh, no, I don't have the wrong number. This is three years

as both were closed?

Is that correct?

No.

Are you a...

Wait.

Sir, that's not the report I heard.

That was good.

All right.

I got another one coming up.

Don't go anywhere.

I can't believe he pulled it off.

You can stay on the line.

The lady will come back in a second.

Let me move over here, Sue.

It is going to be...

This is going to be Michael Reynolds

we attempt next.

Michael Reynolds is in Essex.

Essex.

Just a moment while we wait

for the lady to come back.

Okay, you're there.

What are you talking about, Milkman?

I guess that wasn't

a Lonesome Loser confirmed number.

It was a random number

i just dialed all right uh oh we got saco subs that sounds interesting we could do that

uh moving right along here let's try to call iris peacock in england we've done well today

we've actually called every number in order well now we missed three whoops never mind we should

call the place that we're sending people to for these tvs tell them i'm gonna be dropping off some

tvs yeah oz pizza or oz i don't know the cost of this call is two cents per minute

I think I'm about to take a back painkiller and knock myself out, milkmans.

I got one more sandwich space over there.

I only ate half of it.

Masters and mash.

Yeah, I guess so.

Hey, how you doing there, good sir?

I'm sorry to interrupt you.

I hope I didn't wake you up.

Who?

Is Iris there?

Did I get the right residence?

Hi, this is Valente.

I was looking for Iris.

I was hoping I had the right number.

Okay.

Hi.

Huh?

Yes.

Who's speaking?

This is Valente.

Valente.

I'm with the administration.

What are you wanting, please?

Well, your toilet papers are not in order.

You've expired, and I understand you've been using the facilities, the toilets, without proper permits and papers.

I can't understand a word.

You don't have papers for your toilet.

Papers for the toilet.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I really haven't the faintest idea.

You're not allowed to run the toilet without the proper permit.

You're not allowed to run the toilet.

Well, to use the toilet. Do you not go to the toilet?

Speaking from?

Speaking from Chicago, Illinois.

Chicago, Illinois. I'm expecting a phone call from the hospital where my wife lives.

Nottingham.

You're expecting a phone call from your wife?

I'm expecting phone calls from Nottingham General Hospital about my wife.

Oh, well, she's okay.

What about the toilet? I don't know anything about toilets.

Well, she's in charge of the toilet papers, and you haven't been keeping up with the permit.

So we're shutting off your toilet in your house.

Right, yes, but we're going to shut off your toilets here at 5 a.m.

Yeah, but we're turning off all your toilets.

Well, it's outsourced to the call center here in Illinois, right, for the Royal Toilet Administration.

They're going to bring five hours' time.

Nothing, Tom.

Yes.

I need to keep remembering.

I know.

In about 12 minutes' time, we're going to be sending someone over there first to turn off your toilets, switch them off.

To turn off the toilet?

All of them.

Any toilets you have there are going to be turned off.

I don't do that.

You're not allowed to use the toilet.

Do you have a can?

You're running unauthorized.

You don't have permission to use the toilet.

You haven't paid the fees, and you haven't...

I don't have permission.

we've got you don't have register you're not registered you have to and you've

been running them all this time without permission you need to register your

toilees living in houses 1943 and the toilet's broken the toilet's broken the

The toilet's not registered.

Holy crap.

What will they do?

What's that funny?

I mean, the guy's got his wife is in the hospital.

I can't imagine if Athena was in the hospital and some fat Puerto Rican was calling me five in the morning talking about the toilet.

Yes, hi.

I was looking for some caskets that don't close.

I just want them to remain open.

I'm confused.

All of our caskets, the hinge locks open.

No, I don't want them like that.

I want them to remain open.

We don't have any like that, sir.

You can do something to it.

Who's the designer?

We're the importer, but we're not going to import a whole container of caskets,

special casket that won't close.

No, we'll just make one casket special.

We can't do that.

You can't take out the things out of the casket machine to make it not close?

No, sir, we can't do that.

Well, maybe you can't.

Is there a man I can talk to that knows how to use tools?

Wow, okay.

No, there's not.

The problem here, Missy.

Okay, if you're going to get sexist, I'll go ahead and hang up the phone.

Well, I'm sorry.

I've been drinking a little bit, but seriously, I need to...

Okay, well, then why don't you give us a call when you're sober.

We do not have caskets that do not close.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

All of our caskets have a handle.

Wait a minute, listen.

Listen, I'm sober now, okay?

Okay.

Okay, listen.

I have an explanation for you of what's going on, all right?

Mm-hmm.

I hope that when I die, they put a GPS in my casket and a trapdoor in the bottom

so that when I die, I open up the trapdoor in the bottom, I check my GPS,

and they go straight down to the hell.

Okay.

So can we put a trapdoor in the casket

or just bury it upside down and make it a trapdoor?

That would be completely up to you, sir.

As far as our caskets go,

our caskets are 100% steeled as far as the steel goes,

and the woods do not have a steel.

However, none of our caskets have a trapdoor,

and they all do close.

Can we make flaws in the casket?

We cannot. You may.

Yeah, but if I do it, you're going to void the warranty on it.

But...

I'm not paying extra

If the casket breaks because I'm trying to fix it

Because you're refusing to do things

Because you don't have any men that work there with tools

Okay, I'm going to hang up now, sir

Thank you, have a wonderful evening

It's not my fault

I love being sexist

I love it, seriously ladies, I love you

What the fuck

Yeah, thanks RCBoy

For sending us that

I'm glad I finally got to that one for you

Justin said a number

Hang on.

We've got like five minutes left to show.

Call from Ken.

To accept, press 1.

To send a voicemail, press 2.

Big Ken.

What's the problem, man?

No, you can't call that lady back.

Don't ask me questions.

Oh, the casket lady?

All right, cool.

I'll do that.

Hang on.

This might be the last call of the night.

Give me a moment.

What an awesome, awesome adventure we've had here tonight, everybody.

Hey, can I help you?

Yes, I have a question about your caskets.

Okay.

Okay, can you tell me what they're made out of?

Which ones are you looking at?

Well, I'm really looking for something like an oak or something like that.

I mean, you know, about what that would be.

Your website?

Are you looking for a solid oak or an oak veneer?

Really.

Okay, I have two solid oaks, one light, one dark.

Both of them are $14.95.

Oh, man.

The only discount that you get is the free ground shipping.

Free ground shipping.

Ground shipping.

No, no.

Where does that mean shipped from?

Dallas, Texas.

No, and you give me kind of a roundabout figure where...

Are you pre-planning, or is there a viewing already set?

Okay, then you could definitely do the free ground shipping, and then it would be free.

It would just be the cost of the casket.

Can you hang on one second?

30 to 40 days.

I don't think we can wait too long here.

We're out from a summer show.

Hang on.

Things up here, Kevin.

Thanks for calling back in.

That was quite interesting.

Next week, we'll do better.

Hey, man, thanks for calling in, bro.

I'll be here next week.

Hey, we'll be here, too.

You had to hit a button, just like that other white kid.

What are people?

Tuck hits buttons all the time.

Talks favorite prank calls.

You call people and hit buttons.

All right, everybody.

As I said before, we had a great show tonight.

Milkman, take us out of here.

One minute.

Or less.

Milkman.

All right, so Milkman, you going to take us out of here, or are you just going to sit there?

Waxer Shire, England.

Thank you so much for joining us.

Cisco's first interaction.

That's right.

Our good old buddy, Todd.

Artist extraordinaire.

Long-time listener, Baz.

Billy Harrington.

Thank you so much.

Nike 129.

MST3 Clay, the man with the ball, Pitcher, X-Plotline X, RBCP, all you other new people out there, just us, Billy Merrick, and Kisar, White Bannock, because we don't like salami guitar playing.

Also, I'd like to thank you, Ashley, our listeners, that's right.

We do it for you every week.

We drop the dime, the only ask that you give us the time.

Bring a friend or better yet, bring an enemy to our family here at the Madhouse.

Next Tuesday, 9 p.m., right here, same bat channel, same bat time.

Your Madhouse Bat Cave will be in action next Tuesday, right here,

on the Cacti Network in conjunction with 98.6 The Mouth.

And stay tuned for some exciting things from the Cacti Network.

But what would we do without our fearless beauty, everybody?

That's right.

Our generalissimo, our good, bad-ass militia.

Carlitos, thank you so much for your money.

Yes.

For allowing us to tickle everybody's ear by our fancies around this planet.

Over to you, big guy.

All right.

Thank you, everybody.

Lonesome Losers, sorry we didn't get to all your numbers, but we got to the majority of them.

More than we've gotten to a lot less of them in the past.

we called all uk numbers except for one and we just forgot to do saco subs but hey

os pizza also what we use them as victims um yeah tucker mike.com is tucker mike's website

be sure to check that out tucker mike revolution revolute talk uh our site again as i've said

before is madhouse live.com check out our forums and register for them post in there too if you

wouldn't mind we got two podcasts kicking around the mad cast and the print cast and there's a

a lot of other stuff to do there tune into the stream um everyone listening on uh fucking uh

cacti radio stay tuned for rbcp everyone listen to manhouse radio go to cacti radio.com right now

i command you bitch

Calls (20, 1 h 36 min of 2 h 34 min)

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