A-hole

You shove it up your fucking ass, I'll meet you anywhere.

I don't have anybody working right now.

They're all laid off.

Yeah, I don't give a shit, like, you know, who you are or who the fuck you are, you know.

You're an asshole, like, you know, just like disturbing people at 10 o'clock in the, you know, in the evening.

You know that.

Excuse me, don't, don't call me asshole, okay?

Don't call me asshole.

I didn't call you for that.

You just called me that.

I don't call you asshole.

You're the one who called me asshole, okay?

You said it four times.

If you want to come here, you come here, okay?

You said it four times.

I've only said it once.

You monkey!

You see?

You said it.

Oh, you're rude in talking to the phone?

Who the fuck is this?

Fuck, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

You motherfucking rat!

Alrighty, we'll get right on that.

Hey, everybody.

Sigh.

Madhouse Radio is back.

Hope you're all doing lovely tonight.

I'm Carlito, purveyor of pranks.

I'm here today.

I'm sure you are.

Man, Milkman's not here.

Milkman boycotting the show for a second week in a row.

Man, last week, I was supposed to have the audio ready, but he got very upset on air and quit the show.

Did not want to speak to me on the phone.

I left him various voicemails, and he sent a very disturbing email out to several people in the Madhouse Circle.

No, I'm serious.

Milkman himself is very, I don't know, let's all pray for Milkman.

No, let's call Milkman.

Let's see what's up with him.

I haven't talked to him in like four or five days.

He's probably called me four or five times a day.

Milkman's here!

here hey milkman i was getting ready to call you man how you doing milkman not much i was

milkman you were supposed to be on strike today i was just explaining everybody you

were sitting out the show again how you been doing big guy good yeah information breaking

news milk break us off jim nobles oh yeah there's even really scary freaking messages that's right

oh so the guy you he kept calling the old mouth line so much for so long very wicked that guy

um cool well send me his number man send it on down i'll be sure to you know fucking look into

that he called i got it it's it's back when it was still grand central so i don't have the uh

unfortunately i don't have those voicemails anymore man they never got converted over

google voice already destroyed them all i think excuse me oh my goodness i'm pretty sure they

did those they might be on the shows i think i played them all at some point one of them or two

Two of them are on the show you played on air.

Yeah, because he was talking like a foreigner saying,

Watch your back.

We are watching you.

He was talking really weird and creepy.

Yeah.

I don't think we have any of those isolated.

He's dying to talk to you.

Yeah, I bet he is.

So he's a friend of yours, right?

Yeah.

Or a friend of your family or something like that?

No, not a friend of mine.

He's a friend of the show.

God, yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Anyway, so Tuck is here also.

Tuckermike.com.

He actually has a website, unlike you, Milkman.

Milkman doesn't have a website.

Milkman is too cheap.

Hey, go to my new website.

Google.com.

I have a new website, www.madhouselive.com.

Okay, no dot in that, all right?

www.madhouselive.com.

Everybody, go there right now.

Please, go there.

Lonesome Loser is not in the chat room yet,

but I'm certain he'll be joining us shortly.

Kokanee is here.

What's up, Kokanee?

How you doing?

Say hi to all the ladies.

All your big fans.

We've got some excellent news.

All right, go ahead and share your news.

This is a great news night tonight, everybody.

Hello, somebody in the chat room had a birthday.

I don't know if I'm supposed to say anything or not.

So if they give me the signal in the chat, I'll say their name and who it is.

Hello, secret birthday.

Milkman, who do you think it is?

What's your guess?

All right.

I'm Mr. Maybe.

I'm Damien.

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Give me a second here real quick.

I'm cooking some meat.

I put the meat in the oven too late, folks.

And now I've got to go and check on the meat, unfortunately.

No, no, no, fucker.

This ain't happening this time.

Two weeks ago, I burnt the shit out of the chicken.

Yeah, no, not this week.

That's not going to happen.

I got to go around and check that, though.

So we got to play a prank fucking call.

Anyway, she just came in there with like a bandana over her head.

Looking like Tom and Jerry.

Remember Mammy from Tom and Jerry?

Oh, remember how racist that was?

They could never.

They never.

Oh, Tom and Jerry was great.

Those were the best episodes is when the big black Mammy had the rolling pin.

and all you saw were her legs and stuff, you know,

and she'd be like, Thomas!

She'd beat the shit out of Thomas with a rolling pin.

She'd tell him at the beginning,

you're some Thomas, I want you to get that rat or I'll kick you out.

She'd say something like that, right?

Usually the way it ended up happening.

And all Jerry did was torment Thomas,

trying to get him kicked out of the house.

Poor Thomas is, like, trying to chill, you know.

He's just trying to, you know, fucking...

Jerry's making him work.

you know and that's not fair why jerry's got to be such an asshole man you know just go steal a

little bit of food here there but jerry starts like fucking making noise and you know he starts

doing a lot of shit that he's not extra shit that he's not supposed to be doing never fucking cool

but yeah you can't find tom and guy can you find old school tom and jerry anywhere online because

i'm gonna start watching that stuff some of that man that was my favorite man that was me and my

dad's favorite we used to like because it was just really slapsticky humor and shit they probably

would never show these days.

I think.

You can never see a new...

No, they've got all these

redone ones now.

Yeah, they're stupid.

Yeah, you know,

you want the original

fucking cells, you know?

Tuck knows what I'm talking about.

He's into cells and shit.

Tuck, you like it.

You can find it on YouTube.

You can find it on DVDs.

Yeah.

I want to see the racist ones

with Amy.

And remember there was

a bulldog that used to

beat the shit out of

Thomas all the time?

You know?

Jerry would...

And he would befriend

Brent and Jerry.

Yeah, and at the end

Jerry and him would befriend,

yeah, they'd like

Like team forces together to beat up Thomas.

Ah, yeah.

Good stuff.

Give me a second.

I got to check on the meat before I get hit with a rolling pin.

One moment.

A representative will assist you voluntarily.

Voice.

Hello, my name is Oksana.

How may I help you?

Taking orders tonight?

Yeah, but we have only the P cup.

That's perfect.

I'll be there in like 20 minutes.

Can I place my order right now, though?

Okay.

I would like to get a large burrito burger and some taquito fries.

And do you have, like, the liters of drinks?

Yes, I've got that.

I need your information first because...

Yes, I've been there before.

Yes, I have.

But that's what I want.

I want the burrito burger and the taquito fries and a large two-liter.

Do you have lots of pepper?

Yeah, I have to...

How much is that?

Okay, I can see this one because I need your phone number and your name.

Yes, yes, it's on the caller ID.

I'm calling.

I just got my phone today.

I don't know what the number is on your caller ID, but um how much is that ma'am ma'am? I'm very hungry

I've been stripping all night, and I'm very hungry. I need to get something in my body before I pass out

I'm game of shakes right now. I will be there in five minutes. Just how much do I need to bring with me?

I need to know how much it is right now hurry bring it up

I can't tell you this because I need your name, because I can't see this.

My name is Summer Johnson, okay?

I've been there 15 times.

You remember me, don't you?

You're Roxanna?

You don't remember me?

It's Summer Big Johnson.

Now listen, I need to come there like in five minutes.

I'm really shaking right now.

How much is it going to be?

I need to know how much to bring with me.

Okay.

That's all I've made all night.

Sorry, but I need to know.

What's taking so long?

Please tell me how much you need to bring.

Anyway, I was just walking by the kitchen, and I remember I saw the fridge,

and I think in one of those episodes with the black mammy one,

at the end when Thomas got kicked out, he ran off with the refrigerator.

That was pretty funny.

I think that's what occurred on that one.

One of those, yeah.

Yeah, because of the rat.

Yeah, true, true.

And it was the ones where Thomas was, like, falling in love with another lady cat, I think.

Wasn't there a few times that that happened?

Yeah, Tom Honda had the hots for a lady cat.

Want some losers here?

Hey, man, welcome, sir.

We got numbers coming in now.

I know Nunu was mentioning before that we should prank call people on behalf of Gordon.

Well, speaking about Gordon Brown, I understand he's going, but there's a new election, right?

Oh, well, happy birthday, Nunu.

Oh, geez.

Who knows how old he is, that freak?

We know nothing about him.

Nothing at all about Nunu.

Nobody knows anything about the Milkman.

About Nuno, rather.

We know plenty about the Milkman.

He used to drive a double-decker bus before he worked at Tesco's,

and he retired as a pensioner and receives a pension from Tesco's.

He used to work in the bean aisle, the bean tin aisle.

Okay, sounds like an awesome story, Milkman.

You're bringing up a lot of U.K. humor.

You must love U.K. humor.

Dude, because I have no idea what you're talking about, sir.

Anyway, let's get the prank calls here, gentlemen.

They're up there.

The class, if you go to the, right, you go to madhouselife.com,

we've got our classic prank calls around the front page towards the bottom left.

There's a link to the classics.

The newer ones are in the podcast section there.

Subscribe to the podcast.

We've got two of them.

We've got a prank cast, just prank calls.

Madcast has the Madhouse shows, like the one you're listening to right now, live.

It hasn't been updated in like two weeks.

fell behind again, man. We were just about caught

up, man. Kokanee9 and

I started slacking.

I started slacking. I'll get to it.

I'll start going back and putting more episodes up

this weekend, I know. Every week I

say that, but. December 26th

is like 75% edited. I'll post

that. Kokanee already did January the 5th

episode. That's ready to go. That'll go up

the same day. There's gonna be a double post

here any day now.

I'll shoot to finish it maybe tonight. If I end the

show, if I got enough gas in me, I'll put it in

an hour. I'll go to sleep at 1 just for you guys.

And I'll update it.

All right, Milkman, thank you.

Give me just a moment, folks.

Let's go ahead and do the first prank call of the night.

Lonesome Lucio sent in a number for Radio 1 USA.

They sell radios and also broadcast on ham radio repeater frequencies.

Jesus.

Ham radio.

I forgot to turn off the fucking ringer shit.

Megatron computers.

Interesting.

Megatron.

Pissed looks like we should...

Milkman, how much would it cost to get a ham radio set up, man?

How much would it cost for me to go on a shortwave?

I want to do that.

How do you do that?

Is there any benefit to being broadcasting on a shortwave?

Will we get a bunch of freaks?

It's like crazy fucker kind of people, I think, right?

Paul, I can tell you some more after you get a break.

This is Radio 1, Leah speaking.

How may I help you?

Hi, Radio 1.

I'm interested in sending up a ham radio machine in my house,

and I want full instructions on how to do so.

Okay.

What city are you trying to reach?

I have several offices.

Well, this is in Florida.

I could send a message over and have somebody call you during business hours.

May I have your first name?

What kind of message?

Is this electronic or is it handwritten?

Is this an electronic message you're sending, Secretary,

or is it going to be handwritten?

Electronic.

Electronic?

Yes.

Is there some kind of confirmation or ticket number you will provide me with?

Can you please, like, set one up for me or give me some type of confirmation?

I don't have a way to do that.

I have a project due on Friday afternoon at 2 p.m.,

and I'm wanting to get this work done as soon as possible.

Okay.

This is the after-hours emergency dispatch for current customers of this company.

I can send a message to their office.

They'll have it first thing in the morning.

Well, I'm a paying customer.

I'm in the biller already.

I'm in the biller.

You understand?

Sir, I'm sorry.

Sorry, I don't work for Radio 1. I work for their emergency service.

This is an emergency service?

It's an answering service.

Okay, well, I need someone to come fix this right now, right away.

Dispatch out immediately.

What is the commit time?

May I have your name?

This is Valente.

Name?

Valente is good enough. Just Valente.

I'm sorry, the computer won't allow me to take a message without a last name.

Um, just Valente. Valente Valente, then, I suppose.

Mr. Valente?

Is this at your home?

Yes. I have a private studio in my home, if you understand.

What is the name of the company, please?

Valente and Associates.

What's the address?

Phone number, please?

407-459-4534.

That's our emergency voicemail line, and I would expect to get a call back.

How soon can I expect to get a call back?

Sir, I'm sorry.

I'm not finished taking the information.

But I've let you talk for a little bit, sir, and I appreciate you listening to me for a little bit then.

Okay.

First of all, I need a direct phone line for them to call back.

407-459-4534.

You just told me that was voicemail.

That's the emergency voice line.

I have it set.

I've turned off the ring to the forward to voicemail.

It's coming directly to my home right now.

Okay, and what sort of emergency are you having, sir?

We're having problems with the ham radio machine.

The antenna machine isn't working right.

And I asked them several times to install several spaces here, and they've refused to install them.

But you ran out of frequency grease.

Do your techs have frequency grease on them?

Sorry?

Do they have frequency grease that they'll be bringing with them?

I have no way of knowing, sir.

Well, this is very important, okay?

I need frequency.

Can you write that down in the message, frequency grease?

Okay, I'll be in discussion as soon as we hang up, sir.

Can you read the message back to me, please?

It says the ham radio machine is not working right, and you need frequency grease.

Right, and the antenna machine.

Antenna machine, okay.

Okay, and you wrote about the spaces that are not there.

I'm sorry?

Spaces, it's missing spaces.

So how soon should I expect, what's your commit time on this callback?

I start dispatching immediately.

I can't give you an ETA because I don't have no way of knowing how long it will take me to contact them,

but I will immediately start dispatching as soon as we hang up the phone.

I appreciate that, sir.

And what's the confirmation number here, or what can I use for it?

I do not have a confirmation number.

So what is your ID?

My name is Lucy.

What's your handle, sir?

My name is...

Okay, but, I mean, how many Lucys are there in that building?

Only one.

In your call center.

Only one Lucy?

Yes.

Is that all I've got to go with?

I mean, Lucy, Operator 12, anything?

Just Lucy. I'm the only one here.

Lucy, I'm going to call back in about, I'd say, I think about an hour is feasible.

Would you not say for a call back? I expect it.

That's fine. If you'd like to call and check, I'll be happy to help you.

Okay, and you're going to call immediately right now?

As soon as I get off the phone.

And your experience, how soon, I mean, is it easy for you to get a hold of someone at this time?

Do you have to leave voicemails, call around?

I'm sorry, I can't discuss that with you.

No, you can be honest with me.

No, I cannot. I am not allowed to discuss that with you.

Well, your permits say that you have to, and don't say they're not,

because I'm with Valentin Associates, and I know about these things.

I deal with legislature.

I don't know anything about permits with Radio 1.

I know I am not allowed to dispatch this information with you.

I don't have you know, but I know about House Resolution 1226 that passed three years ago

about how you people are supposed to conduct business.

I'm not going to argue with you, sir.

I'm not going to discuss that issue with you.

I will begin dispatch as soon as I get off this phone.

I would hope so, and I will follow up on you, Denise.

Thank you.

Denise.

I was hoping she'd correct me and say,

Nerdy, dirty.

No, she didn't.

Okay, there we go.

I'm not a sir.

She never got to that.

I guess she is.

Meow.

Oh.

Frequency grease is at a...

So, Milkman, be honest with me.

How much...

All right, tell me.

How much is it going to cost to set up a ham radio station?

Or what about shortwave?

I want to do shortwave.

What's shortwave radio?

What does it do exactly?

Is this super long range?

A shortwave will go around the planet.

Really?

I can broadcast to the whole planet on a shortwave.

But that's what I'm doing on internet radio now.

Do a lot of people listen to shortwave radio?

Yeah, but anybody who can turn it on the radio could hear you.

Do a lot of people listen to it?

Shortwave radio.

Is it used by a lot of people?

What kind of people are on there?

What kind of target audience are we looking at?

The real pirate radio people are still on shortwave.

The real pirate radio people are still on shortwave?

Okay.

All right.

Well, hey, maybe we should not be associating with those kind of people.

How much are we looking at investment on me?

Do I need a big antenna?

How do I get on a shortwave?

It depends on how much you want to spend.

You could probably get a shortwave receiver or a transceiver from about $200, $500.

Probably about $500 you could put it in your car and drive around with it.

Okay.

About another $100, $200 you could put an antenna on your car.

Okay.

That's a lot of money.

I'm not digging it.

Fuck shortwave.

Cactus Indianapolis saying that...

Yeah, basically this is internet radio.

I mean, that is internet radio, just so that you need the internet for it, though.

Oh, I don't want to know Morse code.

It's a dead language.

When's the last time you heard someone talking in Morse code?

It's a dead language.

They don't even teach that in schools anymore.

When's the last time I heard someone going,

do-do-da-da-do-do-da?

Dead language, Morse code.

Last time I tuned in the ham, man.

Gay man construction.

All right, let's call them.

Whatever.

Gay man construction.

You know, the last time I saw Morse code being used

was in Star Trek number three, the movie.

Wasn't it three?

No, Independence Day.

The CIA personnel use it still.

Law enforcement uses it.

A bunch of assholes.

Law enforcement doesn't use Morse code.

Of course they do.

No.

We'll call 911 right now and ask them.

Hang on.

Coming up next.

We'll call 911 and find out.

That's not law enforcement.

That's operators.

Hello.

Hey, listen.

Enough with the Morse code over there, all right?

Enough with the Morse code on the shortwave radio from your boys out in the field messing up my radio, all right?

What you're talking about, I don't have any radios.

Well, your boys are tapping into my radios when we're on our jobs,

and my boys on the Yellow Nextels are on the jobs,

and they keep breaking into the conversations and talking shit,

and we trace it down as deconstructions.

Where are you out of?

You tell your boys the coolest, sir. What's your name?

You shove it up your fucking ass. I'll meet you anywhere.

I don't have anybody working right now. They're all laid off.

You son of a bitch. How dare you fucking talk to me?

I'll slap you right in the face in front of your wife and show them a realm of real man fights.

i think he's a real man he's talking about putting shit in your ass yeah that's true did he say that

yeah i think he said you want to stick incense and five fingers in your ass what did he say he'd

do if i met him in person who's gonna put his fingers in my ass hey what what did he say he

was gonna do if i met him in person that he was gonna put his say he was gonna do he said that

he was gonna put his the gate calling the instruction over there that's been and there

There is no instructions.

Tapping into my radios, my yellow neck cells.

Who is tapping your radios?

Some people from Gay Man Constructions.

Who are you, by the way?

This is Valentin with Valentin Associates.

Well, I don't give a shit who you are.

You don't call people and threaten them when they don't even know what the heck you're talking about.

I didn't threaten.

I asked them to stop tapping into my radios.

Nobody has radios, mister.

He threatened me.

He said he was going to put fingers on my ass or something.

I'm going to threaten your sorry fucking ass if you don't shut the fuck up.

I'm here.

Got the picture?

I don't talk to the secretary.

Put the man on the phone.

Yeah, I am the fucking secretary, buddy.

I'm the owner.

Now, what the fuck do you want?

Put a man on the phone is what I want.

How's that?

You're threatening a woman, you stupid pussy.

I don't talk to women.

My wife doesn't allow it.

You don't talk to women?

Who gives a fuck?

Women mess everything up.

Are you the one tapping into my radio?

Oh, women mess everything up?

You want my address so you can come here?

And what?

You're going to hurt me.

You're threatening me.

And what?

I'm writing it down.

You can't deal with a woman because you're afraid she might beat you up?

No, I don't handle with women.

I don't talk to women.

You can't speak English.

Are you even American?

I don't, listen, I don't usually talk to women unless I'm going to.

Are you American?

Stupid.

I don't talk to women unless we're going to fornicate.

Hey.

Yes.

I said my phone number again, okay?

Got the picture?

Well, I'm reporting you.

I'm writing you up.

What's your name?

You report me, okay?

Do you have your papers?

Why don't you go get out of this country.

Go back home to your real country.

Foreigners taking our jobs.

You're still there.

Hang on, listen.

What's your name?

This is Jack.

What's up, Jack?

Jack, this is Doug calling you back.

I don't have anybody working.

Are they jacking with your phones right now?

I'm sorry.

I hope they do a job of it, buddy.

This is Jack.

Who is this?

It wasn't Bark.

What a dumbass.

Yeah, Jack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dumbass.

East Georgia Star 69 and me.

Having some fun here tonight, everybody.

Madhouse Radio.

February the 23rd.

Yeah, that's not jinxed.

So what's that?

Hey, man.

What's up?

You leave that funny voicemail today?

today. Talking about needing to speak to a man when I called back or whatever. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. That's nice. Good stuff, man. That made me laugh as I was sending up the

show. Yeah, yeah. It's fun. It's fun. Well, my outlook's going off. I meant to turn that

off. So, dude, hey, thanks for calling in. You want to do a prank call or just call in

to say what's up? All right, good. Well, hey, thanks for saying hi, man. It's good

seeing you around. So, you came from Phone Losers, right? From Cacti Radio? Yeah. Cool,

See Milkman it's paying off already

One new listener is enough

But yeah dude you guys are awesome

I like listening to your shit

I like the phone show

I really like the PLA podcast

I'm just not happy that it hasn't been as updated

As constant

But I'm not one to talk

I've farted around with my podcast also

But hey thanks for calling in man

Bye

Alright bye bye

It's Cactus Indianapolis

Milkman you know people in Indianapolis right

Speaking of Indianapolis that's right

We got Jim Nobles

Isn't he from Indianapolis?

Originally from Indianapolis, right?

Look, gentlemen, I've got to go check on something again, unfortunately.

I apologize.

Be right back.

Okay.

Relax.

Hello, is it Turkish restaurant?

Yes, sir.

Okay, my wife's upset because I guess you put something in the food that she doesn't agree with,

and she's threatening to hit me with a bat unless you fix this.

Because I screwed up times in a row.

I screwed some kind of lamb stuff that you guys have over there.

When did it happen, sir?

Earlier tonight.

She's threatening to hit me with a bat.

Oh, God, listen to it.

Oh, my God.

You know the judge said you can't be hitting me, baby.

Come on.

What

did you put in this lamb?

That lamb, sir, I mean, I don't have any customized tonight.

night, which I served lamb to three o'clock. Well, it was like, I got it for lunch. I put it in the

car and I left it in the car and she ate it. She got sick. We ate it tonight. I wasn't, I wasn't

here. Come in tomorrow. Okay. Talk to the manager. What is your problem? I mean, what's the concern

about the food? If you tell him. Here's my problem. You're up here illegally. Okay, honey,

hang on, hang on. Does she's really, I don't know if you're essentially upset. How is it possible

We are not illegal immigrants, ma'am.

I know. We're not illegal.

I proved it in your dedication of being able to work in the U.S.A.

You are not discrimination right now to us.

We are not illegal immigrants.

Correct. All right.

I don't know what happened to food.

I wasn't here, and I'm...

Listen, I'll tell you what happened to the food.

I kept it warm inside the car.

I bought the food this afternoon.

I left it in the car until about 8 o'clock at night.

It was nice and hot.

and then the next thing I know, she got sick when she ate the food.

Okay, maybe, sorry, I don't know.

I'm not a food expert, like how long you can keep it outside.

Maybe you shouldn't keep it that long outside.

It's not good for food.

Maybe you should have put the refrigerator.

No.

But I don't know.

Can I ask you a really quick question?

Kept it hot.

Do you have a boyfriend?

Sorry?

Do you have a boyfriend?

She wants to know.

I don't know why she's asking that.

Why are you asking that?

Why is she asking that?

What does it have to do with my personal life?

Because she's a slut.

She's always cheating on me.

on me. She's always cheating on me. She's always cheating on me. Hey, it's me, Bob Charlie

once again. I got a little bit of a problem here. You know, I got this girl here. Her

name is Laquetta, and I think you're her baby daddy. Let me put her on here for a quick

minute. That's not Irie at all. I'll hit you back. 105.2 the fire. Very shameful.

105.2 the fire. Bob Charlie, interesting enough, a character named after Bob Marley, and one

One of the most underrated Super Nintendo Super NES games of all time,

which was Super Punch-Out!!

If you never played it, grab yourself an emulator and play it.

It was very good. I really like Super Punch-Out!!

It came out of nowhere. I was surprised when it came out.

I was like 15. I was like, I didn't even know this was coming out.

And it was pretty damn good.

And apparently, I don't know.

I haven't heard about how good or bad the Nintendo Wii version that they made was.

The commercials are good for it.

Let me know how that was.

Mikey went to an online California games game.

That was NES.

yes yeah we got a lot of uh requests here coming in and uh nunu has one milkman has jim noble we're

going to call him first and then we got some requested pranks that came in we're going to

hit those up then we got lonesome loser numbers also so jim nobles guy we used to prank call off

and on here recently well not recently about what nine months ago i think or so maybe even longer

than that it might have been a year ago and this isn't it was anita right like uh we were calling

Calling in as his fifth wife, right?

Yeah, and he's supposedly got a new girlfriend now.

Yeah, but that was his fifth wife that we said that he was trying to get with, right?

That had divorced him already?

Right, and that's the only one that we got a name for, so he's really pissed off about that.

Alright, let's do it.

Remember you said she tasted good?

Yeah, I think so.

I forgot to buy that pop filter, man.

I never remembered it. I've got to write it down.

Put a sock over it.

Put your mom over it.

That's what I did last night.

Well, they're not answering yet.

Probably should have left a message, right?

I'll try calling later, see if he picks up.

Speaking of socks.

No, I'll get to that later.

Lebanese grill.

That sounds promising, man.

The Lebanese grill.

Hey, Lebanese grill.

You can't go wrong with that.

All right.

So what's Nunu been talking about?

Take a look at that here.

Dana Toyota in Hollywood, Florida.

50 years old, slightly pathetic sounding woman answered.

Complained about her making dangerous cars.

Good point.

Everyone knows, of course, Toyota's with their problems.

What is it with accelerators, car machines?

Bad, bad car machines.

All trying to do.

CTP2 sending in a number for a pizza shop.

We'll get to that also.

Acknowledged.

Yes, this is Dana, Toyota.

What's your purpose there?

I really need you to confirm for me why you're not answering the phone properly now.

I'm calling from corporate headquarters.

Because the woman does not live here.

The woman does not live there?

No, this is my address.

Uh-huh.

No, no, this is Dana Toyota.

No, this is Cindy Wallace.

Dana Toyota does not live here.

Where's Dana been?

I don't know.

She don't live here.

She hasn't lived here since I've been here.

No?

I've lived here for six years.

No?

Really?

So some woman lived there and had the same phone number?

Yes.

Like the phone number doesn't change when you move in and shit?

Like, you know, when you move in, dude,

your phone number doesn't stay at the house.

Do you keep your phone number with you or just get a new number?

What's she talking about?

What's wrong with her?

Is she like a mongoloid or something?

Are you a mongoloid?

No, no, I'm all right.

I'm cool.

I don't think you are.

All right, stupid.

Do you know what a mongoloid is?

Yes, I do.

Moron.

What I was asking is if...

You're not a moron.

No, you are a moron, sir.

Your wife is a mongoloid.

But can you explain...

I'm with a company...

Valente and Associates.

What's your business?

Well, I'm with me speak to Dana Toyota,

and this woman over there doesn't realize

that you don't keep your phone number

when you move into a place.

It changes.

So how has she been at that number for six years? I think that's Dana over there. She knows who Dana is and I want information

I'm a skip tracer

That's right

I got a call once from a guy from a skip tracer. I'll talk about that. Oh, no Toyota

So it's a woman. I thought it was thought it really was a place called Dana Toyota unless you sent me the wrong phone number

I thought it was a dealership called being a Toyota and I realized until about halfway into it. Thank you

No, no, that's what I thought.

Sounds about right.

To accept, press 1.

To send a voicemail, press 2.

Hey, Big Ken.

Not much, bro.

How you been?

Sure, I do.

Let's see what we got.

I've got Megatron Computers.

We haven't called them yet.

They're in Anaheim.

Megatron Computers.

All right, good deal.

There you go.

Take it.

You're going to do this prank, right?

It's you.

It's all him.

All right, everybody, Ken with a prank call.

Stand by.

What do you need, sir?

Megatron Computers.

Megatron no longer is at this number.

Hasn't been for over 10 years.

Stinking Rose.

Turning to main menu.

Here we go.

You have 50 new...

A restaurant of some sort.

Who is this?

I think it's a girl.

For a call.

Please hold.

Ugh.

Central Reservations, how can I help you?

How's it going, uh...

How many people?

I'm guessing about...

Okay, so 6 at what time?

Be here.

What time is it right now?

It is 6.

Okay, yeah.

I don't expect to be a city, so you can just walk in.

We can walk in, okay.

Now, do you have smoking?

Of San Francisco's non-smoking area.

Non-smoking.

Now, if we want to go outside and we say we want to smoke and chay, would that be okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, you can go outside the restaurant and smoke, but...

Oh, okay, so it's okay to go outside.

There's no problem with that?

No, there's no problem with going outside the restaurant and smoking.

He wants to go to the restroom with the...

He wants to go in the bathroom and smoke and chay.

No, that's not allowed, and that's not allowed, like, in the whole San Francisco.

It's not a restaurant policy, it's just the CD policy, the California policy.

Oh, okay, so he can't do it inside.

He can go outside and smoke a cigarette, but not inside the restaurant.

Oh, I see.

Inside your restaurant, you have...

We don't.

Let me ask you, because one of our residents is a little bit handicapped.

If we needed one of your people to go in there...

I think so, but I can double check.

But there should be a problem.

I would appreciate that, because if he's handicapped, he has trouble.

Because, I mean, there's no problem with going to the restroom, because it's, you know, on

the lower level, and it's really easy to get through, but especially because you're going

to be, if you're like a party of six, you're going to be sitting, you know, like, not next

to the bathroom, but it's really close to the restroom, but I'm not sure if we can

do that.

Like, I've never had this kind of situation.

Well, would you mind double-checking for me?

Give me one second, please.

Oh, thank you very much.

If we can chew tobacco, I'll spit it on the floor instead.

Well, we're waiting on that one.

Let everybody know we are also, of course, on the Madhouse Radio Network.

I'm sorry I failed to mention cactiradio.com.

Phone numbers is at ORT.

Very good friends over there.

RBCP will be live at 9 p.m. in just about two hours.

That's when we sign off at midnight to Eastern, 9 p.m. Pacific.

Madhouse Radio is live every week, Tuesday nights, now at 9 p.m. Eastern, 12.

Well, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 Pacific then, right?

Yep.

Zolar was talking about calling in tonight

I'm not sure if he's going to be able to make it

but he did mention that he was going to try to call in tonight

he's making his return to the air

this Friday

as a matter of fact

he's going to be on Syndicate

go over to syndicateradio.tv

we're no longer on Syndicate

but we promote

I told you it was true.

And they told me to see if there was a battle that was going on.

I told you before, previously, I already double-checked with the manager,

and, yeah, we won't do that.

I'm sorry.

Okay, well, I double-checked with their law firms.

People who clean the restrooms, yes.

But we double-checked about the other situation, you know,

if we could go into the restroom and help him out, like one of us,

and he said no.

Is there a ramp?

There's no ramp because it's on the first floor.

Like, there's just, you know, it's really easy to go through.

It's pretty flat.

Okay.

I'll have you talk to the manager if you like.

So he can give you a better idea.

Oh, I'd appreciate talking to the manager.

That'd be fantastic.

Thank you.

Yes, he'll give you, like, a better idea for any questions.

I'd love to talk to him.

Thank you.

Just give me, like, 30 seconds, please.

No problem.

What's his name?

I don't know.

Smells like ass in here.

Milkman.

man. This is good to have some home music.

Make our own.

Turning to main menu. You have 50 new messages.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

To place a call, press 2.

Hey, white kid.

4-1-1.

Ken, man.

Ken!

I'm sorry.

Shut up!

We lost Ken, and the Google A-mole shut the fuck up.

Mike.

Talks to me, Mike.

White boy's killing the show.

Yeah.

It was all right.

It's just, you know.

Ken, good.

Thanks for calling in, Ken, man.

Yeah, I'm just saying.

Dino's going to be...

Dino wants us back on Syndicate.

He just made a significant donation to Madhouse Radio.

Got breaking news here, everybody.

Breaking news.

Milk Mavica, stop the music, please.

All right. Breaking news, everybody. Dino just confirmed he has sent in a significant donation to Madhouse Radio.

That's going to keep us on the air here for quite some time on behalf of Syndicate Radio.

So we're now back in contract with them, everybody.

It's awesome, man. So let's go ahead and run with that.

Give me a second. I got to get on Syndicate.

So breaking news, we're now back on Syndicate Radio.

Madhouse Radio has been bailed out by Syndicate Radio yet again.

Give me a second, please.

So whoever's over there now has to go. Okay, I'll see you later.

Yep, basically.

Basically.

Right?

Basically.

Here's a salami guy on the guitar.

I'm right back.

Here's a swallowing salami guy.

Twiggy in the bottom.

Was it a Twiggy in the bottom I was calling him?

Fuck it.

It's a power show.

I'm going to go on Seneca and have fun with it now.

Watch this.

You know, Milkman and Tuck.

Listen, Milkman, Tuck, and Kokanee.

You know, I got it set up.

Our madhouselive.com domain.

We all got usernames on there, first of all.

and we all definitely have the ability

to chat with each other

on the side on our own google messaging

platform even and hold a chat

with just us like the core group

during the show and everything

oh yeah you know

there's a tuck at manhouselife.com

we've never done it before

but I'm saying we should look into that

our domain the manhouselife.com domain

is all tricked out

there's a lot of shit we could collaborate

by using google apps

Like, it's not even funny.

We could make whiteboards that we could share with each other and stuff.

And, like, just throw up, you know, news articles and fucking ideas for pranks and shit.

I'm just saying.

We should look into that.

We should start organizing things a little better here.

Hang on, folks.

Stand by.

We're doing the Seneca thing.

All right, everybody.

Back on.

Oh, it was a little mini break, I suppose.

Madhouse Radio.

It is October.

October.

What the fuck am I talking about, man?

I wish it was October.

It's February 23rd.

I don't know where the fuck that came from.

Roll that podcast back.

Yo, yo, Carlito, yo, you podcast is on, kid.

Any minute now, some white kid, some white boy.

How are you?

So anyway, as you were saying, so I just want to say what's up to everyone on SyndicateRadio.tv.

Breaking news coming out just a few moments ago during our last prank call.

Okay.

Dino announcing live on Madhouse Radio just about 13 minutes ago that he's made a significant donation on the behalf of Syndicate Radio.

Radio. That grand total

milkman. I don't know if you knew how much it was.

Do you have any idea? I bet you didn't even know

how much it was. Pretty good amount. It's going to run

Madhouse Radio for the rest of the year.

And I would like to thank everyone and Dino

out of his own personal money.

No, come on. 50 bucks?

What do you think? What do you take me for?

Dino has done that on behalf of Syndicate Radio.

$760, everybody.

Via PayPal just coming in

right now. That's awesome.

Thank you, Dino.

All right.

I guess he ain't that bad.

So I got my face I can't even keep a straight face when I say this shit sometimes anymore

Cool all right, let's call the Lebanese grill

This one comes in from loads of loser god

There's I don't know where the fuck they are some fucking state like Tennessee or something some bullshit state hard fags

Oh, there's some shit like that.

Billy Mira fired myself.

Yay.

Had him fired.

On his ass, man.

Is that how he got back on?

Yeah.

How'd he do it?

No, man, no.

I don't know.

Yes, hello.

I was calling about these papers your people are lacking in your establishment.

You're missing legal papers.

Your papers.

The papers that are supposed to...

Who are you?

This is Valente.

I'm with Valente and Associates.

I'm calling on behalf of a group of people who are aiming to discredit you, sir.

So where are your papers?

Do you have all your papers?

Legal papers, document papers.

If you're missing anything, you're in trouble.

I'm going to subpoena your papers.

I'm coming down now with a subpoena.

It's on letterhead, and it's been notarized by my secretary.

You will provide your papers to me.

I will be bringing in a fax machine, and I will be faxing them back to my fax machine in my office.

We'll take them and I will make photocopies on my Xerox machine of them and then put the copies in the file folder

And I will destroy the original the original being the copy that I faxed myself from your office

Which I will then copy and destroy a copy of how many papers do you have as many as you want?

No, no, I need you to go start counting now and like, you know by the time you get here like, you know

I don't know. How many will it be fathers? Do you have maybe they could all help out count?

No, I'll ask you that question how many fathers like, you know, it depends on your mother whether she's a motherfucker

I can know she's an asshole your mother was a prostitute. So there could be a lot of them

Well, you know, like I I don't think you know

She could as much as she's a prostitute she can't be like, you know as much as your mother not as much

You know what? Like, you know motherfucker. Yeah, I don't give a shit. Like, you know who you are who that you are

You know, you're an asshole like, you know, just like disturbing people at 10 o'clock in the you know

And you know in the evening, you know that my mother was a masseuse, but she was not a

a prostitute or a motherfucker.

No, I bet you, like, you know, she, she...

She

gave up.

Yeah, he was doing good in the middle of that.

I got nothing.

Wow, that was fun.

That was fun.

fun. Have a good

night, man. We're doing pretty good tonight.

Mikey went

to him and pointed out, yeah, facts to facts

to photocopier.

What are you doing?

What is your noise?

Did you stop

using your CPAP machine or something, man?

What happened to you?

Jesus.

Go put your CPAP machine on during the show. I want to hear you

do the show with your CPAP machine on. Milkman has

a CPAP machine. I've been thinking about getting

one and putting it in my ass

and then sending it to Milkman to use.

CPAP Machine Milkman, that's for sleep apnea, right?

Use the force.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

You sleep with it on.

It just sounds...

It's a constant, constant pathway something air passage.

All right, Milkman, we got it.

Shut up.

All right.

I want to call Nobles again, too.

Well, we got a lot of people who made requests here.

Let me look at this here.

Next one, Cactus Indianapolis sent in a prank call request for Data Doctors.

He says, he just said, we do anything.

Okay, yeah, we'll do anything. Fuck it.

It's me. You understand?

For all that fighting. You understand?

It's me.

Hey, who's this? Hey, what's going on, man?

Funeral home? That's a weird request.

I might. Let me look at the logs.

Sir? How's your week been? You having a better

week this week than you did last week?

Good, man. I'm glad to hear that. You're under control.

Behaving yourself. Your chemicals are all

balanced out. Take some B12, man. It's good

for you. Alright, funeral home.

Find the word funeral. Thank you, Windows, for

screwing up no no funeral unless i did i spell it right f-u-n-e-a-r-f what else do they call

them something home i don't know no well i'm sure lonesome loser will find one or someone

will google one for us here did you want to try something else i'll tell you what i got damn it

i got numbers in the uk for gordon brown we got the lebanese grill we just called you can take

a stab at that uh wheezy's pub and club cantrell's restaurant and we get uh i'll do a uk wake up

uk wake up call this is to gordon well g brown london england if you didn't know the president

President of the U.K. for all intents and purposes, the Prime Minister, his name is Gordon Brown.

So run with that if you want.

He's facing a tough re-election.

He's probably going to be kicked out of office.

Sir, he was a Bush supporter.

Prepare for that there, young man.

Nolan is calling the U.K.

He loves hitting buttons.

Listen there, boy.

Lebanese girl coming up here.

I'm not there for a second.

Forgot I should have hit terminated that call.

Tuck, and you're supposed to call that. You're the guy that calls Brian terminate the call.

Ryan terminate the call.

We are the G.O.D.

Alright. Weezy's Pub and Club.

And Cantrell's Restaurant.

But it's fuckin' three things.

We got an idea from NuNu on how to handle calls to restaurants.

Let me go ahead and try that.

Well, voice keeps dropping.

Alright, we're gonna call the Bab El Hara Fine Pastries

An Arab guy answered this

Apparently it's an Arab, uh, Arab

Not Arab, that sounds so racist

It's just a pronunciation of a word that can't be racist, can it?

Arab

Sounds of it

It chirps with racism

Goddamn Arab

Who wants to answer tonight?

Call who back, Milkman?

Milkman?

Okay.

Call who back?

Who?

The first one that was cussing.

I don't remember it back that far.

I don't remember it.

Oh, yeah, but they told me not to call back, Milkman.

They said, don't call back here.

Several times.

I can't do it.

I forgot.

It looks like we did get a call back here from that computer company.

Or the, I mean, the ham radio one.

Radio one.

I missed the call

They didn't leave a voicemail

But they did try to call

Alright

Still at the computer place

At Cactus Indianapolis

In

Yo, which the fuck is Adele's Tony Stomp Snickers?

That nigga's no retirement, it's the kid with the laser beam vocals.

You know you're messing with his Godmaster right now.

J-Love, hit the nigga.

Yo, who want to battle the dark?

I'm James Bond.

Nobody's picking up.

Jesus Christ, man.

Something is definitely up here, sirs.

I see.

It's not my fault.

I'm not taking the blame for it.

I blame Milkman.

Fuck that.

All right, we're going to call the next one then.

and then we got

Duggins or Dugans

funeral service

I don't know which one it is

Ken what happened to you

alright were you the one

looking for

no you were not looking

for a funeral home

but I got two funeral homes

from Lose and Loser also

someone's leaving voicemails

on Gizmo

do we have a Gizmo line

Milkman

do you know of one

we still have

yeah I do

I don't know.

All right.

I'm going to call this funeral service.

Hang on, Ken.

All right.

Listen, I called in earlier and I was assured I would get a call back in an hour from this gentleman.

And an hour has passed and I still have not heard back from anybody.

But I think I might have missed the call.

This is Valente with Valente and Associates.

Okay, Mr. Valente, I spoke with a technician.

And his deal?

They do not work on ham radio.

What about the antenna machine?

So you didn't even read the message to them.

did you in the spaces that i asked about i messaged to them on a text message sir he said that this is

obviously a prank call and i don't need to deal with it you're supposed to be talking to people

in person not just sending text messages you assured me you assured me that this was going

to be a voice message they were going to be talking to somebody in person for me several

times during our conversation the technician has told me that i don't have to deal with you

you're not a client and that they don't work on your equipment send a message to the technician

and he's a horse's ass, okay?

Returning to main menu,

you have 50 new messages.

No, she's all...

She knows now.

Oh, shit, I forgot.

I forgot I hung up on Ken in an accident.

Sorry.

Well, Ken was listening,

but I forgot the fucking...

He was on the line.

I pulled a milkman on him.

All right, we got a voicemail here.

Let's see what that's about.

I'm going to eat.

Well, that's nice.

All right, there you go.

Everybody, our asshole's going to be eating.

That's nice.

Some of you might be into that.

It's good to see Madhouse listeners making efforts, trying to have fun with the voicemail.

I might make a little widget for the front page so people can just leave voicemail.

You know?

That sounds like a fun idea.

Funny voicemail.

Maybe not.

I don't know.

Who cares?

That's been done.

Blackout RBCP.

Call me voicemail.

Call my effeminate voicemail.

All right, let's call G. Brown in the U.K.

Big what's up to Smash Brothers in the chat room.

Hello, sir.

Congratulations.

I've heard good things of you.

Yes, this is G. Brown.

Listen, I'll have you know that I don't like the way you treat your employees,

and I'm not going to be voiding for you.

No, listen, I'm calling from the United States of America.

I'm a political investor, and I have it on good word.

This is the communication line straight to Gordon Brown.

That is you, and I want you to know that I don't appreciate the way you treat your employees,

and I'm boycotting you.

Yeah, I understand that, but you've got, yeah, that's not my name.

You've got the wrong, you've got the wrong line.

Is your first name Gordon?

No.

What is it?

And it's half through in the morning here as well.

Well, it's 10.30 over here.

I don't fucking care, to be honest with you.

I'm not giving you your money this election.

You're going to lose.

You're going to lose a Hispanic vote if you're not careful

Listen, are you sure you understand that?

We're boycotting you

Put your finger in your ass over there

I bet you I'm right

All Puerto Ricans in the United Kingdom listening to this show right now are here by command

Thank you

It's a game changer right there, man

That's a Dewey defeats Truman pick moment right there.

Hello.

Hey, what's going on, white boy?

Okay, I'm calling...

Not Chris.

Okay.

More white boy.

Hey, I'm calling the UK, white boy.

Okay.

Another gizmo fucking thing.

Yes, this is Gordon Brown.

Gordon Brown, please.

This is Valente with Valente and Associates.

I'm going to speak to Gordon Brown immediately.

This is Gordon Brown.

Yes?

I want to have you know that I am withdrawing the Puerto Rican vote in the UK for your next election.

We will not be voting. You're not going to receive it.

I don't know how to give you that.

You're Gordon Brown, are you not?

No, no, you've got the wrong Gordon Brown.

No, this is Gordon Brown in the UK. I'm calling from the United Kingdom.

Listen, it's quarter past three in the morning.

Well, get it. Write it down.

Tell your secretary there to write down that you lost the Puerto Rican vote because of your attitude, you jerk.

Okay, chill.

Give me something to drink.

They finally hung up

That was cool hearing their reaction

Alright

10.40pm everybody

We're going to go ahead and take a break here

When we come back we got

We got a few numbers here

Duggan's Funeral Service Miller Funeral Home

As well

We got requests to Prankly

And they're on cue

I'm trying to get to them tonight as best as I can.

We got one from Pluto for a girl named Stephanie.

She's dating a white supremacist named Derek.

Has a swastika on the wall in his room.

What an asshole.

SF has sent in a different number here for Chris Chan.

He's making a big deal about this Chris Chan person.

We can do that also.

And the mouth line will be open.

What is the new mouth line?

405-39-MOUTH.

That's 405-396-6884

Right

Back in about 6 minutes

In the meantime you'll be hearing two classic Madhouse prank calls

Thank you for everybody listening on Madhouse Radio

MadhouseLive.com

That's the website over there

SyndicateRadio.tv is also back with us here

Thanks to a significant donation by Big Dino

CactusRadio.com.org

RBCP will be taking over over there at midnight

midnight everyone listening here should go over there at that point you're commanded to switch

over i'm very disappointed if you don't midnight eastern 9 p.m pacific the phone show is on after

us we're back in about six minutes as promised thank you very much for tuning in and for

listening feminine voicemails here be back right after this thank you for calling yo what's up how

you doing yo i'm doing good yo we said he was good fucking bro look yo i left my diabetes

My diabetes monitor and my insulin shots are on top of this big machine.

You know the one that I'm talking about?

Do you know where we're at?

What area?

Yeah, it was in the casino there.

There was no windows or nothing, man.

I left the machine.

This machine, it goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

You know that one?

Do you know what kind of machine it is?

It's the machine.

Yeah, it goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Like that, when you put the money in, you pull the thing, the pee-pee down.

it goes like that and then i put the machine on i need the medicine man okay fucking bro give me

the shit do you have lost and found yes let me find out if they found it connect me to lost and

found immediately sure now okay hello where are you transferring over is this a is this a native

american casino the which one are you looking for this is casino casino casino yeah okay let

Let me transfer you to the...

Hold on.

Oh, Jesus.

What's going on?

Is this an Indian Native American casino?

What is this exactly?

Can you explain it to me, please?

It is.

So, okay.

I was looking for your lost and found because I...

And I broke character in the meantime.

But I was looking for your lost and found because, unfortunately, I left my diabetes kit in front on top of the machine.

And everyone's asking me, which machine, which machine?

And I think it's a joke at this point.

I heard on 2020 that there's this racket where casinos and places, they have a lost and found, and they keep the stuff and they don't give it back, and they sell it later after a year when the state says that it's legally your property in the state of Arizona after a year.

Is that true?

How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

Well, I can't answer that because I work in the back, so I don't know.

You work in the back?

Any men who work in the back also?

Did you want to speak to a supervisor, security supervisor or something?

Well, what do you mean?

Are you reporting me or something?

What's going on here?

i mean i don't want any trouble i need a transfer your calls why am i gonna answer why are you

why don't we have my green card out and take my social security number what's what's the problem

oh she dared hang out place a call press one please enter your color back over there starting

with the area code followed by the pound sign thank you for calling i need to speak to the

puerto rican casino puerto rican yeah the soul one the spanish one or the puerto ricans or something

It's a yucky casino.

You said it was...

You transferred to a woman who called me a bad racist word,

and she hung up on me after I told her to not...

That was casino.

There's some bad people there.

Let me call security personally on their cell,

and then I'll transfer you over, okay?

I don't want any trouble with security.

Well, they're the ones that have the lost and found.

Oh, God.

Are they nice people?

Yes.

I don't know what their problem was.

Hold on.

Asshole.

Did she come back, or what happened?

What the fuck is she talking about?

You've just been talking, and nothing's happened yet.

Oh, okay.

No, I hung up an accident because I cleared the line on accident.

I've been doing that.

I've been really bad with the line lately.

What did you do to Frank Carlin himself?

I guess so.

He's over there entertaining.

He's, like, playing with little dolls by himself.

Hey, look at me.

This is my Carlino doll over here.

This is Brookman doll, and here's the Tuck doll.

Casino security.

Hi, is this the Puerto Rican casino?

Uh, no, this is your casino.

Oh, see, because I called earlier, and I was with some woman that I've been hung up on twice.

I lost my diabetes machine when I was in the casino.

I put it on top of that machine over there, and now no one says they can find it.

Are you breathing into the phone?

No.

Stop doing that.

Stop breathing into the phone.

Stop breathing into the phone, ma'am, please.

I'm not doing anything. Who is this?

Someone's breathing. You're making a lot of noise. Is your nose close to the phone?

That's disgusting.

No, it's not.

I need my diabetes medicine.

I need my insulin and my pills and my blood glucose.

What machine is it on?

The one that goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

That one.

There's a machine.

I was sitting at it.

I know you people know which one it is.

I left my pills there, and I need them.

I saw on the TV, on the newsbusters, they said that you people were taking the stuff

and keeping it after a year, and then you sell them on places like that.

You sell them back.

They're people's property.

I can hear the machine in the background.

It's that one.

This is stupid, too.

Casino.

Hello.

Yes, did you find my pills yet?

No, we didn't.

Nobody turned them in.

I was talking to this guy over there, and he said that he was going to look, and then he hung up on me.

What machine number?

It's the one that I can hear in the background.

It makes that noise all the time.

That machine.

I sat down.

I was pulling down the thing and everything.

And the next thing I know, my pills, I left them either inside where the money goes or on the very top next to the light machine.

machine. I need these pills because I'm feeling my sugar is already very low and I can't get

behind the wheel of my rental car now. Hold on, we'll check. Can you please help me? And

they hung up again. All right, I'm done with that. Place a call. Press one. Taking the

word. Taking the word. Force. 98.6. No. FedEx, this is now FedEx office. This is Robin. How

may I help you? I'm sorry, is this Robin? Yes. Robin, did I leave my USB drive over

I don't know.

What does it look like, and when did you leave it here?

It looks like a USB drive.

It's small, and on the one hand, it has this light, and on the top, it says SanDisk.

And on the other hand, it has this thing, and you put it in the USB, and it goes boop, boop, and then it goes in.

Files go from the drive, and you put them in the computer.

So what color is it, and where did you leave it, and when?

And then I left-click like this, and then it comes on the screen,

And then you make the file

The printer goes in this

Like this

The paper

Make the

Come out

Who is this?

Robin

When did you leave this jump drive here?

Uh

Maybe earlier today

I don't know

Okay

And what color is it primarily?

And what

Size is it?

Maybe

Maybe it's white

Have anything in the lost and found?

That's the bold but

That's it

That's mine

That's the one that the guy said

That's mine

The one

Yeah

That's my USB drive

Give it to me

What one?

The one that I lost

I don't know

I haven't looked in the lost and found

Sonia, I need to know these.

I have a combination to the USB drive box.

I'm sorry?

Do you have a combination to the USB?

A combination to the USB drive box?

Yes.

Or you put the USB drives that people forgot and that people keep,

and then you sell them again.

Okay, so what color is your jump drive?

It's white, maybe.

White, yeah.

Maybe or no.

Is it black?

Is it white?

Is it red?

Is it blue?

What color is it?

And I need to know what size it is.

What color you have.

Maybe it's white.

No, no, no.

That's not the way it works, because there are many people that leave their jump tries here on accident,

and we only go by what they tell us it looks like.

Because if I say it looks like this, you say, oh, yeah, that's mine.

It could not be yours.

I need, like, a one-gigabyte drive.

You need one, or you have one that's lost?

Well, it's lost.

I need it back.

Okay.

Well, you can come in, because we have several.

That's mine.

Give it now.

Sure, you can come in and take a look at it.

No, no, no.

No, you need to give it.

Fine, you tell me yes or no.

We have several jump drives.

You have all, you have several of my jump drives.

Okay, I want to come and I would like you to give me my USB drives.

Okay, you can come in and tell us you have your jump drive while I'm here and then we'll give it to you, okay?

Thank you.

Pamela, hello.

You're listening to the Cacti Radio Network.

8-8-7-8-8-5-0-9.

You know what? I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman. You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

We're back.

Madhouse Radio.

We've got about one hour left of show.

Thank you for tuning in.

I'm Carlito here with Milkman, Tug, and Kokani.

He has numbers to get to here.

A new Gordon Brown just coming in from Lonesome Loser just a few minutes ago.

We've got that to get to.

Awesome.

All right, we're going to call that girl with the white supremacist that she's dating.

Stephanie with an I.

back in the good old days when uh walmart you had the soda machine i sold 35 cent um straight up

at the tone please record your message when you are finished recording you may hang up or

press pound for more options hey big stephanie remember back in the day used to be able to buy

those 35 cent sodas coke and pepsi it was bad man i was like that was like wow when was the last time

you could buy something like that i don't know stephanie give me a call back it's urgent it's

about the baby 405 39 i don't even know i don't call myself i hate that joke when i get customers

customers call me at work i'm like so what's your phone number oh i don't know i don't call myself

and i usually go i laugh like that yeah i'll do it i don't care i'll be an asshole all righty

Ask the feds to send that number in for Chris Chan, was it?

Chris Chan.

All right, let's see what the story is.

All right, Chris Chan has been trolled a ton on YouTube.

The guy has had sex with a blow-up doll and taped it.

Drank his own semen mixed with orange Fanta.

Wow.

He's constantly getting trolled by 4chan.

He draws a rip-off comic that he calls Sonichio, which is a Pokemon hedgehog.

He takes Sonic and calls him Yellow.

He claims to be autistic, lives with his mom and dad, is a gullible fucker,

and he's attached to his cell and home phone number both.

I've never heard of, what is his name?

Chris Chan?

Anybody?

It's a white boy.

Chris Chan.

I've never heard of him.

That sounds nasty.

chris chan let's look at chris chan all right the first comes up on their encyclopedia dramatica

yeah but what born february 24th 1982 chris chan is a naive perverse overweight racist

pedophilic homophobic self-proclaimed proclaimed high-functioning autistic virgin man-child

creator of his own skillfully drawn series of comics starring sonichu wow okay that sounds

Sounds funny. He's got a whole story here, man.

Chris Chan is some fuck, crazy fuck.

He can feel the cosmos. Okay, I don't know.

Chris Chan. I don't know. Here's a video of his. Let's see what it sounds like.

Hopefully there's no music in it.

I read in the announcement video about Billy's Maze,

well, I quoted Wikipedia about Billy's cause of death,

which is basically something like a heart attack.

Yeah.

And I wasn't ready for the whole weekend.

You do know he was involved in a plane crash the day before as well.

oh yeah i suppose that would put a lot of stress to them to further induce the heart attack okay

interesting uh video so uh he doesn't seem to be drinking his semen or something

suppose it is a video of him having a seizure citizens of the internet i present an open

message to each every one of you y'all should know me by now but if you don't i am christian

weston chandler the original creator of sign to the electric dick pokemon back on march 17th

2000 i present this open message because i love dicks okay so obviously someone's taking this

video and chopped it up well i don't know whatever he's supposedly autistic he's an

autist let me copy the number let's give it a call let's see where this goes i've been on a

mission lately here to make sure that i call people as i'm supposed to as requests come in

Let's get them one shot.

God help us.

Evil Artie asking if I'm not taking calls.

Not from here, you two fat, fat boy.

He's the only person I know I can say that, so I do it all the time on the air.

I'm Richard Seth with a Christian Western Chandler.

I'm sorry I cannot answer right now, but please leave the name message helpful now.

Jesus Christ.

All right, enough of the Christopher Chandler or whatever the fuck he is or whatever he does or doesn't do.

Right.

Power bottom.

Oh, we got an hour left of this.

Help me God.

All right.

Gordon Brown, a different one.

I really wanted to call a restaurant, you know?

Wanker's Country Store, that's the one place that we called last week,

making them create an order.

What was it?

I had them run around chicken prices and everything.

Let's do that again.

Let's see if he plays again.

That guy was a fucking moosh.

Can I try Jim Noble's again?

I can do that.

I guess.

All right.

Is it getting your caller ID or are you spoofing your number?

Yeah, I'm spoofing the number.

Yeah, yeah, totally, dude.

Yeah, no, it's going out with the mouth line is what goes out.

No, fuck that.

I think I was just blocking my number anymore, and it doesn't work.

As we learned here a few years ago.

Wow, a year and a half ago, two years ago.

Smackdown, for honest.

Luckily, good people like Dr. Lego, who provided us with help, provided me with help.

Fuck that.

People like Dino, cut this radio live for the next six, seven months.

Make your Dino.

Gracious donation made on behalf of Syndicate Radio.

What the fuck is going on here tonight, man?

All right, we got Fridget's Gourmet Belgian Fries.

Dude, I heard those fries in Belgium are really good.

Pommes frites, as they may call it.

They serve it with mayonnaise over there.

That's not like my fries, man.

I take the mayonnaise, pack it, and mix it with some mustard packet.

Ketchup and mayonnaise.

Queer style, man.

Ketchup and mayo, ketchup with mustard, man.

Mix that up.

Fries, man.

Put a little hot sauce in it.

Listen, I need to make an order, please.

You want to give me one second?

Yeah, yes, sir.

Thank you.

It's supposed to be nice.

I'm sorry.

I need to go for some Belgian fries.

Where did they get that in Orlando?

Let's look that up.

Probably where the tourist bags are.

Bogey and fries.

This is taking too fucking long.

I really want some fries, man.

I found a place in town that does it.

Listen.

What was that?

Yeah, what size fries are you coming in with?

Larger.

Yeah?

I'll take two larges.

You got any meats over there or just fries?

Yeah.

You got any steak meats?

We're all meats and stuff.

No?

What do you have?

I want a burger.

Give me one of them burgers over there.

Medium, cheese, onion, mustard mayo.

What kind of sausage you got for those damn fries?

You got mustard mayo, right?

Mix it up.

You guys pre-mix it, or I gotta mix it myself?

We don't pre-mix that, is there?

Alright, so, but you got mustard and mayonnaise available, there's plenty of it.

Not gonna run into any trouble, run out, nothing like that.

Alright, how soon will that be ready, and what's the total gonna be?

It'll be 26 minutes.

Oh, wait a minute.

Make that, um, make that three of the large fries.

And give me some shit to drink!

And then do that, that, well, let's, if I do it better, 405-39-MOUTH.

Yes, Evil Artie, that's the shit.

405-39-MOUTH.

Um, I'm looking at Lonesome Loser old numbers here.

or trying to find something that we could call.

Oh, there it is.

Yeah, that's the one we just called.

Fritz Gourmet Belgian Fries.

Oh, man, really?

I want some Belgian.

I saw it on TV.

You know that bald fag guy that goes,

why do I say fags so much?

That bald effeminate guy

that goes all over the world and eats nasty shit.

You know what I'm talking about?

No, but there's a dude that goes around doing that shit.

He's a funny guy.

He was eating these palm frites.

Oh, man, that's good.

You know what I'm talking about?

Bald guy.

Bald, fat, effeminate, food-eating guy.

Cost of this call is two cents per minute.

He's nasty food, man.

It's like one food that he can't eat.

It's some...

You be more vague.

We're calling Greece.

We gotta edit that Malacca show, man.

Listen!

How long does it take calling in on your phone machine over there

directing me?

I've been talking to tons of people.

Transferred all over the place.

Voicemail, all these people speaking this stupid Greek.

I've been transferred around like five times in your phone machine system, hearing voicemails and messages and people speaking that stupid Greek.

I need someone to help me out in English.

This is my taxi. I ordered a taxi to bring me to the hotel, and you still haven't delivered it.

I'm at the hotel, Homa Hotel.

Yeah, I know, you're supposed to pick me up at this hotel and take me over there.

Yes, it's in Paris, France. Yes, Greece is the last leg of our trip.

Send me the damn taxi from Greece, France, to pick me up, pick me up, and bring me to the hotel there in Greece, the Akihaya Beach Hotel.

No, I don't have any fucking mistakes.

No, no, no.

Listen, I have a confirmation.

I got confirmation two weeks ago from this guy.

His name was Nico.

No, listen, I'm waiting.

I could have walked to France by now.

I could have walked to Greece.

Yes.

I could have walked to Greece by now.

You've taken so long.

Yes, a Greece person was going to bring me to France, send a taxi to France to pick me up and bring me back.

And he missed his target.

You missed the target, sir.

You're in violation of the codes.

I'll have you know I'm a former state senator of Utah, and I'm an ambassador.

No, no, no.

This is a taxi ticket, taxi confirmation.

Now, you people, Niko over there.

Where's Niko?

Put Niko on the phone.

Niko's not here now.

When's he going to be there?

We'll have him call me. Is he up already? He should be up then already if he comes in in two hours.

No, call him on the phone. I'll hold here. Call him and tell him that he needs to talk to me on this phone.

Conference him in.

Okay, call again about him in two hours.

No, no, no. And then talk to him now. I can't wait two hours, damn it.

I'm supposed to be in Greece.

Betting on the goddamn taxi, these damn Greeks.

Stupid.

You know where you are?

If you want more help, call about him.

Ah, you malacca.

He's all torsion confused.

Okay.

okay well i looked up in orlando belgian fries and i got an article on one of the orlando news

outlets and i'm like where's the fucking address and it's a place in glenview illinois why why does

the the local news in orlando the abc affiliate why are they reporting stories about a hot dog

stand in glenview illinois why can someone explain that for me do you understand now why i think that

the local news is horseshit and I never pay attention

to it or watch it. The only time I

watch it is at

12 o'clock and 6 o'clock

during a

hurricane.

On men having a

Madea contest. You know

the Tyler Perry

character Madea?

No.

Madea contest where black men

dress up as an old

black woman.

Ah, okay.

Okay.

They had a news story on that.

Yeah, it's pretty sad.

It's reaching deep sometimes.

We have like the third highest murder rate in the U.S.

Yeah, it's, yeah.

And they're having a fucking, they're having a report on the Madea contest.

Is this Memphis?

Is that where, is it that bad?

It is bad in Memphis, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, Memphis is bad.

Cops in Memphis is always the best.

Memphis and Fort Lauderdale are like the two best cops, man.

Hello.

What is there?

Oops, I think it was someone there at the end.

It was another white boy.

God damn it.

Was it one of the white boys I've been calling all night?

Sonny's Bar and Gentleman's Club.

Yeah.

This is where used-up strippers end up, is what this person is telling us.

Acid Pest, sending a number for a place with used-up strippers.

Nice.

Listen, where's the big girl at?

Who was that?

There's this big girl over there.

She's making a ruckus.

She had a special message for me.

She put these codes in my pocket when I was there when she was dancing over me.

Let me speak to the big girl.

I'm not sure what big girl you're talking about.

The biggest girl that's there.

You know who I'm talking about.

That one big girl.

There's one big girl there.

What's her name?

Candy?

I don't know what strippers call them.

Let's get girl on the phone and don't hang up on me again.

I don't know what big girl you're talking about.

If you can't give me a name, then I'm sorry.

I can't help you out.

She didn't give me her name.

It's just, you know, there's one big girl over there who dances.

Put her on.

So when you have a name for her, then I can help you out.

She was the one.

Okay, look.

She's got blonde.

I don't have the name, I'm telling you.

I can't go back in there now.

We have a lot of girls here, and I can't help you figure out who this girl is by a big girl and blonde hair.

We have lots of blondes.

She was there about three...

We have lots of big girls.

Hello!

About three dances ago.

I just left.

Okay, well, if you want to come back and find her, you can do that.

I'm in my car.

I ain't coming back down there.

Hell no.

Well, I'm not going to help you.

Oh, you're the big girl, aren't you?

I want your way.

This is the manager.

Can I help you?

Yeah, put that big girl on the phone.

I need to speak to a man, please.

Excuse me, man.

There's nobody here like that.

Is there a man I can speak to, at least?

A gentleman?

Yeah, how can I help you?

No, I need to speak to the man, you know, that runs the things there.

Hey, man, we've got to go right now.

Put the big girl on the phone, you fucking gorilla monkey asshole.

You're in a prank.

I heard him in the background there.

Yeah.

That guy probably kicked my ass.

And I deserve it.

He'll be okay.

All right.

You strippers at the Sunday's Bar and Gentleman Club.

A lot of numbers coming in from Lonesome Loser.

Starting off with Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe.

Hey, Evil Artie.

How you doing, sir?

How you been, man?

Man, what's going on, stranger?

I've been good.

Stranger danger.

No, it's going to be a while before you're even in the madhouse, if you know what I mean.

You should ask the viewers if they want me in the madhouse.

No, no one wants you here, because you ruin the show every time you come in here.

You bring bad luck.

No, I don't.

Mess up everything.

Athena wants to shut the show down every time you come in.

See, Tuck said it.

It's only because Zolar made me smoke weed.

Yeah, that's what it was.

You didn't smoke weed here.

We don't do that here.

That's not...

Yeah, we did.

Oh, yeah, we did.

We don't.

Yeah, Zolark got Evil already high for the first time here, what, like a year ago?

It's been about a year, right?

It was exactly a year ago. It was February, I remember.

Yeah, that was fun.

That's the night we went on that food run. We went to Wendy's and it was closed on the air.

And then we went to the 7-Eleven.

That was the first Madhouse road trip.

And then after that, we followed up Lopez, Sabar Bar and Grill.

Hey, man, why didn't you come to the live show at Lopez, man?

What about Lopez?

The four-year anniversary

would have been in Lake Mary

at the Lopez Savar Bar

over there in Lake Mary, man.

You didn't come.

Because I tried.

I don't know.

I didn't get what it was.

I told you about it.

It was like half an hour

before the show ended.

No, I told you

at the beginning of the show,

dude, we're at Lopez.

Come down,

and like,

they were giving,

the guy said he would have

given alcohol out

to anybody who came with me

and stuff.

You would have been straight.

Smoking cigars and shit.

Fuck that up, man.

Well, no,

it was because I had no money

and no gas, I think.

All you needed was gas.

They had food and everything.

thing. We had the fucking enchiladas and stuff, man. That was a while ago, dude. We're probably

going to do the five-year anniversary show there, so maybe you can show up for that.

Okay. When's the anniversary? In May. No, June. July. July. July. I'm so used to saying

things are in May. Oh, I was going to see a chick. Oh, yeah. Okay. Thanks, asshole. Yeah.

Hey, Rudy's Can't Fill Cafe. You want to do a prank call, or are you just calling in to

be offended? Nah. You know how long it's been since I've done a prank, dude? All right.

All right, well, good.

Jumping up your ass.

Hey, man, we're back on Syndicate.

Did you see?

Dino made a donation, and we're back on Syndicate.

He donated $760, man.

Can you believe it?

Holy fuck.

Yeah.

PayPal'd to us tonight, man.

That'll keep us running for at least the end of the year.

I think it should even us out just at the end of the year,

and we can do a lot of upgrades here to equipment that we needed to do.

That would keep me running for, like, in, what do you think?

It's, like, $3 a year for me to run.

Right, right.

So that would keep me running for the next half.

Right, that's right.

Someone asking in Seneca, Verbal X, who's the host?

It's me, I'm Carlito the Mouth, that's what they call me, the Mouth.

Big Evil Artie's here also, he's the gut.

And he's going to hang up now because I'm going to do a prank call, isn't that right, Artie?

Yeah, that's right.

All right, buddy, well, hey, take care of yourself, man, and don't be a stranger.

Bye-bye.

See you later.

Evil Artie, officially banned from Madhouse Studios for making a mess.

Still banned, huh?

Yo!

Oh, yeah.

And he doesn't want him anywhere in here.

He can't even park in the parking lot.

No, girl.

I have, like, ghost face killing night.

Hello?

This is Rudy's.

Hey, sweetie, I'd like to make an order.

Is it too late?

You left what?

I'd like to make an order.

Is it too late there, sweetie?

No, it's not.

All right, good.

Hey, what kind of sandwiches you got there?

Anything like that?

Uh, things.

Yeah, you should just come in and look at the menu.

Well, you got, like, a vanilla sandwich there.

Anything like a ham sandwich or something nice?

Who is this?

Or soup?

What about soup?

Hello?

Yeah.

What's your deal?

No, seriously, you got soup?

Okay.

How much is a cup of soup?

What? You're talking kind of low, are you okay?

What's the matter? What's up, girl?

I like when you talk like that.

You want to suck up the soup?

Uh, 325.

I'll put some soup on you, suck it up, talk.

What the fuck is over? She sounds like she's getting off.

I was rolling with it, man. I don't turn down some phone head, man.

Fuck that. I don't care if I'm on there with a bunch of people.

Yeah. That was kind of hot.

All the white boys jerking off to that call now.

She was saying dirty words.

All right, Spitz Grill.

Arnie.

Fuck, come on.

Dial, you bitch.

Thank you.

Yeah, I like Ghostface Killer Night.

Since we came back on the air, I just picked one artist and just played all his music.

Hello.

Spitz Grill.

Listen, you got soup?

Yeah, what's that?

You got chicken noodle soup or any type of soup?

No, sorry, we don't.

Sandwiches?

Sandwiches, wrap.

We got french fries, potato fries, pita chips and hummus, salad.

Does the hummus come with pita chips or?

Yeah.

All right, give me.

Pita chips come with the hummus.

Oh, okay, I got you.

All right, cool.

Yeah, get me, uh, get me an order of that, please.

All right, Peter Simpson Hummus.

Yeah, and then, uh, you got chicken sandwich?

I'm sorry, what kind of sandwiches you said?

We got chicken sandwich, we got a classic sandwich, which is a half-beef, half-lam mix.

Oh, that sounds good.

And we got falafel sandwiches and veg.

All right, let me get a falafel sandwich.

That sounds pretty cool.

All right, and then an order of the fries.

All right, now, did you want to do the falafel for a meal, and you get fries and a drink with that?

Um, no, let's just do it separate.

Okay.

All right, and give me some shit to drink!

Drink?

Yes!

Shit.

No, I'm just making the meal.

We have green, brown shit, red shit.

No, just the meal.

It's fine.

Oh, okay, just the meal?

Yeah.

Okay, so you do want the falafel sandwich meal with seasoned fries?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, no, I wanted the sweet potato fries.

The sweet potato fries.

Right, but then I put that in that shit to drink.

Shit to drink?

Yeah.

Now, what kind of shit would you like to drink?

We have caca verde, caca rojo.

Yeah, caca negro.

Yeah, caca negro, please.

Caca negro, please.

And then, do you like some extra spit on that?

No, you know, a little, you know.

A little jib?

Yeah.

Okay.

And your name?

Valente.

Alex.

No, Valente.

Valente?

Valente.

Uh-huh.

Jack?

Yeah, Jack Valente.

Oh, I knew it.

Yeah.

How you doing, man?

All right.

How's grad school?

Yeah, great.

Okay, so I got one classic sandwich, no meat, one falafel sandwich, no falafel, one

potato chip a la carte.

We got a sweet potato, potato fries, no potatoes.

All right.

Alright. Alright, man.

How'd you know it was me?

Me.

Belonger?

Yeah.

Jack, I know you, Jack.

Since when?

I know you from grad school.

We went to grad school together.

Did we?

You don't remember?

Yeah.

You don't remember the big tank we pulled on the principal?

Uh-uh.

You don't remember?

Come on, it was me and Bob.

Me, Bob, and Jeff.

And me?

Did you kick my dog?

Yeah, yeah, that's the one.

Kick my dog.

Alright.

Shit the drink.

Alright.

What the fuck?

Did someone really...

What?

Did that really just happen?

I don't know.

Is Milkman, why is Milkman on mute?

Talk, take Milkman off of mute.

Did I really prank somebody?

He put himself on mute, I think.

Oh, my God.

That was a good sport, that guy.

Yeah, but wait a minute.

That was a Lonesome Loser number.

Spitz Grill, right?

Yeah.

Does that guy really know who Jack Valente is?

No, he said Jack.

I said, this is Valente.

And he goes, Valente, Jack?

I'm like, yeah.

He's like, oh, what's up?

Unless he knows a real Jack Valente.

That guy caught me off guard.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

But no, he said that.

What?

From grad school?

How was he in grad school and he's fucking working for Spitz Girl?

I don't get it.

Whatever.

All right.

He knows who Jack Valente is.

Cock on that, girl.

Sending a number that I didn't get to last week.

The Hard Rock Cafe in Saipan.

We can do that.

Pondhead store named Trails.

Taco Cabana.

Let's call Taco Cabana.

Milkman's back

His number's in the 404

404, isn't that Atlanta?

I believe so

Yes, hello

This is Taco Cabana

You fucking asshole

Who is this?

Okay

A different white boy

We're calling a taco place

Are you down for that?

Do you have any dinner tonight?

What'd you have?

Teriyaki pork yeah from the store was like frozen you ever have that frozen stuff

Frozen teriyaki, you know it comes with that brick of teriyaki fucking flavoring. I see the brick hang on asshole

All right, we're gonna do a call with this white boy a different white boy. Apparently who is a different white boy

They're all they all look the same

Taco Cabana, how can I help you?

Yeah.

Yes, sir?

Because you got some.

Gamby for a shot of chicken, we have fajita tacos, we have black bean tacos, guacamole taco.

Well, I'll have that guacamole taco.

Are you guys ordering a pickup order?

I'm not done.

Are you doing a pickup order, sir?

Do you do delivery?

No.

I'm going to need another ten tacos.

Yes.

How many tacos do you want?

Eleven guacamole tacos, twenty fajitas.

Okay.

Yes, I'm sure.

What would you like to eat for your fajita tacos?

Do you have any...

Tomatoes, tomatoes, cheese,

guacamole, sour cream?

Okay.

Excuse me?

Are you a big girl?

Pushing?

Don't speak that crazy language

in the background of me.

Baka, baka, baka.

Holy shit, crazy background noise.

Hey, man, that's great.

Awesome, thank you, sir.

Oh, it's probably terrible, though.

No, no, it was good.

No, it was good.

We're turning to main name.

Start call.

You have...

We'll even do another one.

Son of a bitch.

Ugh.

What?

Cafe Del Rey.

Is that who we just...

Who did we just call?

I don't know.

Yeah, the taco place, right.

Uh, that was from 9X.

Uh, we'll call the pothead store.

Nah, fuck that.

We'll call it, because I want to call the Hard Rock Cafe Saipan here before I lose time.

Please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the pound key.

For international...

All right, buddy.

Thank you for calling Hard Rock Saipan.

Listen, I came in and I demanded to get paid out in United States dollars.

And you people refused to do it out of the machine.

Sorry, sir?

I came in and I command you.

I commanded them to pay me out in United States dollars.

It's the only currency I recognize.

Yes?

Would you like to speak to somebody?

Yes, I want to speak to a man in charge.

The head side man in charge.

Sir?

This is Valente, and I want my money back.

Valente?

Yes.

All right, please hold on, sir.

I'll get the manager.

Make it so.

Scott Green asking what the pothead store is.

Let me see.

It's called Roots?

What was it?

What the fuck was it called?

Trails.

In the 480 area code.

I have no idea where that is.

I'm looking up here quickly for you there, big guy.

Thank you for holding. This is Ray.

Listen, Ray, I commanded I was supposed to be paid back in the proper currency,

United States dollars, you understand?

May I know who's on the line, sir?

What?

May I know who's on the line?

This is Valente speaking. Who's on the line? Who wrote is your name?

Melande. This is Reynaldo Perez, the operations manager. How can I help you?

Listen, there was refused service over there when I won money

and I was given the money in non-United States dollars.

It was given to me in some other kind of banana money.

And why is this rock when do you hear earlier today earlier today? What time is it now? Yes? I'm on the United States time

It's 11 34 p.m. 34. Yes, and then and then what I want some money

And they refused to give me United States dollars

And they pushed me out of the door and didn't give me my any of my money back

And I command you to give it to me in the United States dollars the server. I don't have names

They refused they refused any they refused to do that the person who refused to give me their name

Can I get some more information?

It was a boy, a feminine boy.

In the story, I'm confused.

Listen, asshole.

You don't understand what I'm saying the complaint is?

Excuse me.

Don't call me asshole.

Okay?

Don't call me asshole.

I didn't call you for that.

You just called me that.

I don't call you asshole.

You are the one who called me asshole.

You said it four times.

If you want to come here, you come here.

Okay?

You said it four times.

I've only said it once.

You monkey.

Asshole.

See?

You said it.

How you were rude in talking to the phone?

You said it two...

I'm talking to you nicely, sir.

You've said it two more times than I have during this conversation.

I'm talking to you nicely.

Okay.

So you have to talk it nicely.

I want to get information.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay.

So what's the information?

I want my goddamn money back.

You want your goddamn money back?

Do you have your check?

But I want dollars.

Only dollars.

Yeah, of course.

We're using dollars here.

No.

We're not using any denomination here.

These people were trying to give me some other banana fucking money.

From some other nasty country.

That's why if you have the receipt, do you have the receipt?

Because the receipt, there is a name on it.

So I could check who's the person.

They kept it.

They refused to give it to me, and they refused to give me the name and everything.

I want to see the tapes.

Where are the tapes?

What do you mean, the tapes?

You had tapes of this, what happened, and I want you to review the tapes with me present.

And I want a copy of the tapes.

Over in the island, could I invite you to come over here in the cafe

so I could more get some information, so I could make decisive action about what you're talking about.

Are you threatening me?

No, I'm not threatening you, because your information is incorrect.

I don't see any information about what you're trying to say.

I have all the information here, and I have proof that you people took...

So where's your receipt? That's the first question.

Why don't you deal with American money there? What's the deal?

I'm sorry, sir.

If you have any more questions, I could give you my email address.

And if you want to come here, you could come here.

You're welcome.

I don't have to talk to the email.

I have you on the phone already, boy.

You understand?

You're here to answer my questions on the phone now.

I'm going to sue you.

I'm a lawyer.

I'm an attorney.

Even you're a lawyer, an attorney, I don't care.

I know what's my right also.

Well, I know what my right is to sue you for everything you're worth for using me service.

Yeah, just precisely.

I'm making a report that you call me asshole.

Okay, this is a recorded.

I don't give you permission to record this.

I don't give you permission.

Okay, thank you very much.

Have a good day.

Bye, asshole.

Returning to main menu.

You have 50 new messages.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

Was there someone on the line there with us?

No.

Was there?

There you go.

He got a little upset.

That's what we look for in that little bit of bike.

I got to call Noble's Milkman again.

Hey, Noble.

bit. Is that what I gotta do?

Alright, we'll do that. Whoa!

MP3's messed up.

Got about 15-20

minutes worth of prank calls left here

after that RBCP and the phone show

is taking over at

cactiradio.com.

Cactus Radio, or is it Cacti? I forgot.

Oh, fuck it.

I'm so bad at stuff.

That's Cactus Radio, isn't it?

Let me find out.

There's Cacti.

Ooh, there's a Cactus Radio, though.

Who the fuck is that?

What a bunch of assholes taking Cacti Radio's name.

How dare they?

Oh, we got Madhouse banners up at Cacti Radio, man.

CactiRadio.com.

Look at that.

Two nice looking ones there.

I might gank those, man.

I'm going to gank those.

I'm going to take your banners, bitch.

There I am now.

Actually, it's using your art, Tuck.

You might want to sue them for everything they're worth.

Mm-hmm.

All right, let's call that pot smoker store Acid Pets.

Scott Green was asking, dude, hey, Greens, this is in Phoenix.

I don't know if it's your friend.

You said your friend was in Cali.

Oh, yeah.

All right, I got it here.

Thanks.

Noble's first.

You're right.

Then the pothead store.

I had a job.

I could have had a job at a head shop once.

It was a head shop slash cigar shop, but another real job.

Is this Trails?

What the fuck is that? I don't know.

Yeah, Pothead.

Anyway, did I what?

Can you spoof a number from that area code?

Yeah, I don't know.

No, I can't.

No, but someone answered there and said, hey, Pothead.

No, that was somebody that was calling in when you picked up.

No, no, no.

It said I had whatever minutes for the call, sir.

I'll try it again.

No.

No, I was about to do at least.

Can you hit shit redial?

Mm-hmm.

Canada takes out Germany 8-2, Kokanee.

What is that, hockey?

One of those pseudo-sports?

I'm kidding, hockey's a real sport.

That's good.

It's strong.

Is your caller ID still showing Florida?

No, it's showing Oklahoma City.

1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 3, 3.

Ooh, almost let the number out again.

Excuse me.

Tuck sending out a cease and desist, eh, Mikey129?

Why are you here?

You want to test out hockey with my coach?

Oh, I've come here.

Then I need your help.

Your steel darts, do you still have them?

What for?

Because they have guns that kill up to 100 yards.

Very powerful.

Ford's filling station, come tonight.

My darts can beat a pistol.

You want to help or not?

Ford's filling station, Katie speaking.

Listen, Big Katie, I need to speak to the manager immediately, please.

Who am I asking for this calling?

This is Volante.

Right to the point.

I could have messed with Big Katie, but I'm not talking to management tonight.

It's a management kind of night over here.

That was an interesting call to the hard rock, and I'm glad we finally got to that.

Thank you, Baz, for sending that in.

Good work, sir.

Mr. Holding, did you want to speak with Emily?

I wanted to speak with a man.

With a man?

Yes.

Okay, is there a particular man that you wanted to speak with?

As long as it's not a woman, a man in charge.

A man in charge.

Oh, okay.

You want to speak with Ben?

Absolutely.

Who is this that I'm speaking with?

This is Allie.

Big Allie?

Listen, what's the deal over there with the women who messed up the orders again?

The women who messed up the orders?

Messing up everything.

I got into an altercation in the parking lot and this woman came out and threatened me.

Oh, I'm not sure I know who this is.

I want a full report about what's going on.

Okay.

So put a man on the phone.

Can I tell him who's calling?

Valente.

Yes.

Okay, just a moment.

Okay.

Nuna says to ask to speak to a man, then do all gay talk with a man.

Good point.

That sound there means we've got 15 minutes worth left of show.

Yay.

Oh, dude, that's what I wanted to play.

I knew there was something I was wanting to play at Phone Losers, at the forums.

Everyone check out.

I was talking with RBCP over the weekend.

He had a brilliant idea where you take those Squarespace...

Let me turn this fucking alarm off.

Jesus.

He had this idea where you take Squarespace...

People who are on Squarespace and Twitter at the same time.

They got them tied together.

So they're tweeting from their cell phones that they're at such and such place.

He's actually busy at the moment.

You know what?

Forget it, okay?

Bye.

Stupid.

You know what?

You can blame it.

I want you to write a report to him.

You know what?

Take a message, all right?

You ready?

Okay.

All right.

Line one.

Valente says.

All right.

Line number two.

The women fuck up all the shit.

Is this a prank call?

No.

Line two.

The women fuck up all the shit.

Line three.

W slash B.

K-T-H-X-B-I.

W dash E space K-T-H-X-B-I.

Okay.

Got it?

Bye.

Thank you, honey.

Anyway, so with Squarespace, what it does is when you kind of marry it with Twitter,

what it does is it's a phone to where you're tweeting from.

So basically these people are running around tweeting, there was this one guy who was at Walgreens buying sinus meds and he tweets and adds a Squarespace profile to it or whatever.

So now if you think about it, you know that there's a guy whose name is such and such and he's at that moment at a Walgreens.

And this is one of the examples here that RBCP did over the weekend.

So he calls the Walgreens and I forgot what he asked him.

He asked him some crazy shit.

the guy got really pissed off or something.

There was quite a few of them.

I think there was one or two that got really angry

about the whole situation.

Thank you. Who was that? Milkman, was that you?

Huh? Uh-huh.

I think we got 15 minutes left.

You got a 15-minute alarm, too? You stupid.

Okay, good. Thanks. Anyway, I want to look at the forums.

I'm sure RBCP's okay.

I just wanted to play one of those. I laughed my ass off

listening to those. It was really funny.

Yeah, you get something else like that, too.

This is for your hard drives to catch on fire.

Hey, I'm not at home.

come over to my house

and rob me

I'm out somewhere else

I'm out

yeah well you think about it

yeah and I was looking

somewhere else

or Walgreens or whatever

it's fucked up

yeah like you know

you could look for these

in your local town

and when someone says

oh I'm out drinking

they're like oh good

I know we're

you know

you just look up their

using their name

you look up

you find their address

you know they're not home

go break into their house

and steal their shit

come out

you knew they weren't at home

yeah right

yeah

some of it

there's a website

yeah there's a website on that

right

Let's see if I can find the name.

Something like, please rob me or something.

Oh, hello. Would it be possible to page a customer that's there?

I'm sorry?

Would it be possible to page a customer that's in there right now?

Um, yeah.

Who would you like to reach?

His name is Shaggy Jenkins.

What's the last name again?

Jenkins.

We'll go by the name Shaggy.

Okay, hold on.

Thanks.

Hello, this is Paul from the Red Cross.

And we're calling, asking for donations tonight.

Okay.

And I'd like to know if you'd like to donate this year like you did last year.

How in the heck did you do this?

What are you talking about?

How did you know I'm in a restaurant?

Well, we're with the Red Cross.

We're trying a new thing.

It's proactive telemarketing.

Because it's hard to reach people at home these days.

So I was just wondering if we could count on your support this year.

Sure, why not?

Okay.

Would you like to donate $25 then to help the people in Haiti?

Could you tell me who you are?

This is Roy with the Red Cross.

I thought you were Paul.

Paul Roy.

I don't see what's so funny.

You know, that's an unfortunate name,

and I've had to be made fun of my entire life,

and I don't appreciate it.

Well, you get the gist of it.

I'm not going to steal RBCP's thunder.

I don't want to just play all his prank calls.

I'm sure he wants stuff to do.

There you go.

I mean, he wants to be able to use those on his own show.

But you get the idea.

And that's the whole thing, Koke,

what I'm talking about.

People get their houses robbed.

There's a site out there.

But at the same time, they're talking, you know,

Trying to bring up the point

They're also kind of

Blasting it

You know like

Hey all these people

It's too much man

Like with Google Latitude

When that came out

It came on my Android phone

I was like

What the fuck

Are you talking about

I don't want people

To know exactly where I am

And shit

What the fuck

It's private

And importantly

I don't want people

To know when I'm not home

You know that

Dude

It's awesome, yeah

That'd be cool to do a show

I was telling him it'd be cool to do a show on a weekend

Because on the weekend a lot of people are out

So there's probably a lot more people

Falling for that little scam

It'd be cool to call people as they're out

Doing shit

You had to do restaurants and bars

Where they could be

Yeah

I heard about that

This sucks, this is a nice song

I like this song from back when it first came out

and it's fucking up.

That sucks.

Aw, man.

Got a bad torrent.

Fuck.

Did you hate that?

That was the worst.

All right.

Excuse me, folks.

I got tired.

I got tired here.

Okay, we got one last number here to do.

Vibrato, grill, and jazz.

Let's give them a call.

Vibrato, grill, and jazz.

It's been a great show tonight.

Hey, Big Lindsey, what's going on?

Listen, I had a problem over there.

I came in earlier today, and I think I might have left either my wallet or my keys.

I think I have my keys.

I think I locked them in the car, actually, and then I'm thinking about it.

But at least the wallet.

Has anybody reported one in or anything?

I don't think so, but let me ask Haas.

Just one second, okay?

Who?

Haas, the manager.

Haas.

You left it in here earlier today?

Uh-huh.

Haas, right?

Haas.

Yes.

Haas.

Just one second.

Haas.

That's a cool name, Haas.

H-O-S-S.

If I have a son, I'll name him Haas.

Yeah, the witch's theme, I love that.

Haas.

This is your last Madhouse Parent Call of the Night.

This episode will be updated on the podcast in the next nine months.

I guarantee that.

It won't take any more than nine months to get this up.

Oh, we'll catch up one day.

I command to speak to the Haas.

Who is this?

This is Valente.

Just one second.

The girl's too nice.

Those are the people that got featured this week.

People got featured this week?

On their commercial there.

How you doing there, Big Hoss?

I'm great. How you doing?

I don't appreciate the woman there with the attitude when I'm asking about the wallet.

I left the wallet over there and I have reason to believe that one of the women over there has it and is refusing to give it to me.

I saw a woman going to the bathroom with an item and came back out and no longer had the item

and was shuffling herself a little bit, like her clothing.

I don't know what to tell you.

I mean, if there's anything left, every day these things happen left and right all the time.

We have from glasses to wallets to everything left behind, and people come and pick it up.

Where was it left?

It was left where I was sitting.

And you have an obligation to return this to me if you found it.

I mean, let's time out.

I don't know.

I have to first interview you.

No, no, I know you.

I'd like to take your...

I'd like...

Me?

I didn't have it.

I mean, you can't say that, sir.

You can't say that you have it.

I mean, it's either there or...

You need to let us know what your name is.

Allow us to.

We have no interest in...

This is Valente.

And it's not in my...

It's not in my pants.

And it's not in my car.

So it's obviously over there.

And the woman took it to the bathroom

and took everything out inside of it

and flushed it down the toilet.

No, sir.

You can't accuse anybody.

I won't take this.

I'm sorry.

We had many, many, many, many incidents we had.

People thought that they had their wallet in here.

Later, they found it, and they called us and apologized.

People, staff like that.

I don't have staff taking your stuff.

I won't allow you that.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

If you'd like to leave your number, no problem.

Just leave me your number.

We'll look for it.

We'll be more than happy to give it to you.

Let me ask you one thing, okay?

Are you the owner or just a manager?

I'm the general manager here.

All right, so are you having problems paying the rent there?

Is that what's going on?

Where are you getting with that?

Well, I mean, sometimes when we're low on money, we're more apt to maybe do a little...

No, we don't do that, sir.

So we are not people in here.

Well, I know things are bad.

No, so you're going there and I'm not taking this anymore.

If you'd like to leave your number with me, I'll call you back.

If you're taking this different direction, I'm not interested in this conversation.

Sometimes petty theft happens when we're low on money.

No, but you are accusing my staff.

Then accusing me and accusing the owner.

I don't have to stand in here.

I have a business to run.

I don't have to stand in here and just listen to you.

If you'd like to be nice about it, leave me your phone number and all that.

If I find it, I'll call it to you.

Otherwise, we don't deal like that.

I'm sorry.

This is a high class place.

Is there anybody in the staff who maybe has recently bounced a check or has an overdrawn bank account?

Sir, I'm so sorry. I'm no interest no longer.

If you'd like to, I'm going to give you one more chance to give me your phone number.

Otherwise, I'm hanging up.

Plasma.

Thank you. Bye.

Plasma.

Calls (30, 1 h 18 min of 2 h 32 min)

Transcript

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