In Every Hole

Uh, fuck you.

I don't have...

That's right, you are a Croatian-Italian asshole.

I'm closed.

Piece of shit.

Who the fuck is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The motherfucker is a prick!

I'm Carlito, your host.

I'm joined tonight by Kokanee and Tuck.

What's up, gentlemen? How are you?

Love.

Love. Kokanee, you, sir? How are you?

Hey, how you doing?

Pretty good. Thank you for asking.

Good. A little bit sick, actually.

Been sick all bloody week.

Bloody.

For you, Mr. British Subject

Dude, I am so, so tired

I'm really tired, gentlemen and lady listening out there

I'm very, very tired

I almost thought about not doing the show tonight

Well, actually, I almost didn't do the show

Because the server PC, the PC we use for the Madhouse server

I decided to uninstall XP

I reinstalled it, I put in a new hard drive

And I put in...

Oh, God, y'all people digging with shit

Leave it alone

alone that's good i put in windows server 2008 in there and it's running pretty nicely now and

but it looks apparently i got it to work out but i'm afraid we might have some technical issues

but anyway i was able to get that all set up last night um apparently the technical issues that we

well audio quality sounds pretty good i i feel i sound looking at the levels everything's holding

well so everyone everyone can it actually sounds much better than it has in quite a while if you

ask me and anybody out there let me know it's just just one of them audio is a plus mikey 129 says

well good good thank you man um and on top of that dude i'm so tired it was up until uh 2 a.m

last night up until i'm working on this pc up until 1 a.m the night before working on school

stuff uh fucking at least next week we have uh i've got spring break and it seems like it's

earlier and earlier every year i can't believe it's what's like gonna be the second week of

march shit it's spring break well this has been a late winter this year oh yeah it's cold here

it's cold tonight it's going down to the 30s i know that's bullshit i know there's a big storm

hitting atlanta georgia and uh the carolinas and stuff i don't know is it hitting tennessee at all

or is that just dumping on the carolinas and stuff on the coast the carolinas we missed it

we missed it this time around yeah but you guys got dumped on quite a bit from what i understand

Oh yeah, quite a few times this year

It's been cold everywhere

Tsunami, that didn't really happen

I was looking forward to the tsunami

Yeah, what a big fail that was

I sent a tweet

From the bar

Well, here's what happened

I got home from class

And I had left my phone off all day

My Android phone

My Windows mobile phone was on all day

I left my Android phone at home

I get home and I turn on the Android phone

And it just starts buzzing with tweets

tweets from cnn breaking news and it's like you know tsunami warning for hawaii shit i'm like oh

shit and i turned on and they're like yeah two hours two and a half hours from now tsunami's

headed towards hawaii i'm like hell yeah so i decided to go out i went on to get some lunch

and then i went to the bar to go watch the tv coverage while i was drinking i had like two beers

and nothing happened it was the most boring thing because they were all like okay at 4 or 5 p.m it's

It's going to hit.

4 or 5 p.m. Eastern, you know?

And it's like, and we got it on, the guy had it on CNN.

And this guy is surfing in the current.

Yeah.

Everyone was like on pins and needles and waiting and nothing happened.

Like the water went up like three inches or something.

I don't know.

That was, geez, that's pretty weak sauce.

I got upset.

And I went to a bowling alley for this.

And they had, at the bowling alley, they got it set up now where you use a debit card and you get a card back.

You get this little throwaway card.

you just put credits on there you don't have to use change you know which i love because this

particular bowling alley used to use tokens which i think is the biggest ripoff when you get tokens

because you got to put in your money for tokens and you got to use the tokens you can't just get

cash back it's a fucking bull you know and there was there was used to be this one place is arcade

here in orlando where uh the tokens were three for a dollar instead of four you know usually you can

exchange even you know quarters for tokens not this place this place you put in a dollar in the

the machine to give you three tokens and it was oh it was horrible because he all the good games

are at least 50 cents each or two tokens so if you wanted to play more than one instance of the

game ended up spending at least two bucks you were forced to play that third game quite literally

because you couldn't use change it's bullshit um but yeah then i ended up losing my debit card

as a result because i had to take my debit card out and i had two beers in me and i slid in the

machine you know to get fucking uh the credits and the next thing i know i lost it i don't know

Either there or where I had lunch at.

But no, it can't be where I had lunch at because I paid for my tab with my card.

I had to pay for my tab there.

I was thinking about this afterwards, so I had to cancel my debit card.

It's not a big deal.

I can write checks and stuff.

It's just not, it's so inconvenient, you know.

I live by the debit card.

I don't know, Tuck, do you use a debit card?

Do they have those in Canada?

I'm sure they do, right?

Yeah, they have them up here.

Yeah, cool.

I got the Visa logo on mine, you know.

Nice little thing.

Powerful little weapon.

you know it comes in handy so yeah now it sucks well luckily you know when it comes you know the

only really thing i need it for is you know the most important stuff is gas and i've got a gas

card that i pay off every month so that's not a problem there i can get gas still without having

to you know get cash at the bank and um i've got a small little credit card that i use for um

personal emergency so i can use that for the it's going to take them two weeks to get me a new car

you gotta be kidding every bank that i've been with in the past like three days you got it they

usually say it's three to five days and usually by that third day it's in the mail not me they're

like yeah it's gonna be up to two full weeks seven to ten business days i'm like business days not

calendar days no business days and and the guys like and you know what we're behind on plastics

we're behind on cards as it is so yeah it's probably gonna be two weeks like wow you fucking

suck credit union that's what they get for going with the local credit union then uh read an

an article today talk that's the way i go oh yeah that's free very good cash and mattresses

speaking of which i read an article today the u.s postal service is probably going to be canceling

saturday delivery starting this year apparently they're going to be making an announcement here

some changes i think they lost 90 billion dollars uh in the last year or something like that how do

they fuck that up man how is this so mismanaged that they're losing money in the post how do

Did they not get, early on, like, you know, posterservice.com and cap in the whole email industry?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I can understand.

They should have.

Well, look, I can understand.

And, like, email was, like, one service to the U.S. Postal Service.

They shouldn't be running that.

Right.

If they had that cap, they would be fine.

Right.

Well, I can understand with the advent of e-mail that you don't need to have letter writing as much,

so that's definitely down, but packages, since the Internet,

and conversely, shipping of packages has to be more than it was back in the early 90s, late 80s.

It has to be more now than it was back then, right?

Because a lot of stuff is bought online.

I mean, I don't remember...

You would think so, but I mean, like, say, letters...

letters because you know a big big you know letters and birthday cards and all that was still

a big christmas christmas no but what i'm saying is even even if uh even if email took a bite out

of the letter writing business they should be making more money with the more packages that

have come out at the same time that email has come out and just because they're so slow no no no one

wants to send by usps or like if i go to amazon.com i don't want to receive my package by you know

know regular postal service because you're like ah it's not gonna make it here you know you're

gonna want it sent by ups or fedex and make it in a few days you know they gotta run like that

fuck they could be making money right now they could they could probably you know you think

they got so much infrastructure they should be able to you know compete with ups and fedex well

but they don't fedex has a lot of money they got a lot of technology man they got those little pads

that they walk around with where they set up shipments and they can stop shipments oh yeah

yeah they can stop shipments immediately yeah true memphis right and then the other ones are

close there too aren't they uh oh the ups where's their headquarters i didn't know they're not out

there i don't know i don't know but i know yeah well i know that from castaway castaway was a big

deal how he was from memphis and that's where the fedex headquarters was anyway so yeah that's a good

movie that's a good movie you know that was i don't know why i like that movie so much it's one of my

guilty pleasures that movie cast away but for like a whole over an hour that movie is silence

he doesn't act with anybody or talk to anybody and you can still watch the movie and i didn't

i didn't realize that until afterwards and i heard a review and someone was saying yeah you know

tom hanks did such a great performance that he'd even taught for like an hour of it and it was

still you know really good acting job that takes a lot of acting you didn't notice yeah you didn't

even notice yeah and mr wilson oh remember exactly remember mr wilson when poor mr wilson

Wilson died.

Remember, he floated away.

I was so sad for his stupid soccer ball.

That's acting.

Again, that's great acting from a soccer ball.

From a soccer ball.

Yeah, that's the Wilson Company soccer balls.

Yeah.

Good shit right there.

All right.

Well, let's do some prank calls, I suppose.

Do we have any numbers?

We got some requests for pranks.

I don't even know if I should be doing a show tonight.

I'm so really, I'm so sore.

My eyes are sore.

Sore.

I got to cut some cucumbers and put them on there or something.

Is that what helps out?

My poor eyes.

Let me know, Maven.

Maven knows she's a chick.

What do you do for sore eyes?

What do you do?

Put some bacon on it?

Wet little lotion or concocts that you put on your eyes.

Yeah, that's got to be something.

Girls know that shit.

Come.

No, thanks.

We'll be doing that.

All right, we got numbers.

Someone's sending an acid test sending numbers for pizza huts in Tokyo, Japan.

We can do that.

Only thing is I don't know what the country code is to Tokyo.

But I think with Google Voice, I can even just drop it in there and it figures it out for you.

Let's find out.

Oh, I think I've done that before.

No, invalid number.

Damn.

I'm going to choose 011 at the beginning.

Invalid number.

All right, let me look up the country code for Japan.

I think what I do is you replace a zero with 011 in the country code, I believe.

81.

All right, I'll try that then.

011, 81.

We're calling Japan.

Pizza Hut in Japan.

Here we go.

It's ringing.

So, it's a Johnny Jones call, huh?

Here's our first prank call with the new server machine.

the cost of this call is two cents per minute not bad it's affordable yeah i just remember now

i forgot to buy the goddamn pop filter i keep talking about buying now i can't get it because

i don't have a fucking debit card to buy it on hey mushi mushi shut up hello do you speak english

hello mushi mushi do you speak english hi no english is anybody there an english son

hello no no this is this is pizza hut yes hello mushi mushi i want to make an order

Please.

Please wait a moment.

Uh-huh.

That sounds good.

What the fuck is he saying?

This is retarded.

Yeah.

They don't know English at Pizza Hut there.

Hello?

Yeah, you speak English, you horse's ass.

Hello?

You speak English, you horse's ass.

Um, I don't speak English.

I don't speak English.

Okay.

You're speaking okay?

A little.

Okay, I want to make an order.

Uh, telephone number, please.

4-0-5.

4-0-5?

Uh-huh.

4-0-5?

Yeah, 4-0-5.

Uh, oh, uh.

0-3-0-5?

Yeah, yes, hi.

0-3-0-5?

Ichi-ni-san.

Yeah.

Hey, what's your name, please?

Valente.

Hey, more slowly, please.

Huh?

Va-jai?

No, va-jai-na.

Va-jai-na?

Yes.

Mr. Va-jai-na?

That's me.

Yes.

Yes, I would like a pizza with fish sauce.

Address?

Huh?

Anybody address?

I'm at the hotel.

I'm going to pick it up.

I come in.

No delivery.

Pick up.

Me go there.

Take out?

Yes, takeout.

That's the one, monkey.

Okay, takeout.

Yes, stupid.

Order, please.

Okay, I want one pizza with fish sauce.

One piece?

One pizza.

One pizza, yeah?

Yeah.

I want two spaces on it.

Crispy.

Yes.

Crispy?

Uh-huh, yeah, that's right.

Hi.

Crispy type?

Medium, yeah.

Pizza menu?

Uh-huh.

Pizza menu name, please.

Yeah, I want number 69.

No, no, no, no, telephone number, no.

No, pizza menu.

Pizza menu.

Pizza menu?

Pizza name.

Yeah?

Menu name?

Menu name.

Yeah, fish sauce.

Sorry.

What do you have?

Tell me.

Oni-ha?

No, what do you have?

What?

Xerox.

Pizza menu?

Yeah, pizza menu.

What pizza name you name, please?

Waramato-san.

Yeah.

Waramato-san.

Wala Maho Chocha.

Yes.

Wala Maho Chocha.

Yeah.

Utah.

No.

Utah.

Yeah.

Alaska.

Okay.

I don't understand your name.

Walla.

Wawa.

Walla.

Maho.

Walla Maho.

Chocha.

I don't have Walla Maho Chocha.

No.

I don't have Walla Maho Chocha.

No.

Walla Maho Chocha.

I don't have.

What do you have?

I have mushroom.

Uh-huh.

Cheese and cheese.

How about egg custard?

You have egg custard pizza?

Basic pizza?

Egg custard?

Extra cheese?

Yeah.

Basic pizza, extra cheese?

Yes.

No topping?

Cheese only?

Cheese and sauce only?

And salt.

Pizza, sauce, cheese only?

No topping?

Yes, with salt.

Salt.

Italian crispy, medium size, basic pizza, extra topping?

Right.

To pick up, okay?

Yes, now I'm going to pick it up, yes.

Listen, chocha, negra, wallow, maho, chocha.

Chocha, maho?

I don't know.

Sorry.

Uh, well, I'm trying.

Fine, Italian crispy, medium-sized, basic pizza, extra cheese.

With salt. Salt.

Salt?

Yes.

Salt? What salt?

You know, salt.

Soup? Salt?

No, salt, salt. Salt. Salt.

Soap?

Mm, salt. You know, salt.

I don't understand soap. I don't know.

Listen. Listen. Damn it. Sodium chloride.

Coke?

Sodium chloride.

Sodium chloride. Okay.

Okay. You have Pepsi or Coke?

Coke. Coke?

No, Pepsi.

Coca-Cola?

Pepsi.

Only Coca?

No, Pepsi.

No Pepsi. No Pepsi, only Coca.

Pepsi.

No Pepsi. I have...

Two Pepsi.

No Pepsi.

Yes.

Coca-Cola?

No Pepsi, yeah.

Pepsi.

I don't have Pepsi. I have Coca-Cola.

You got RC Cola?

Okay.

What about...

You have Lulolali?

Lulolali?

No, Lu-Lo-La-Li.

Lu-Lo-La-Li.

No, Lu-Lo-La-Li.

Lu-Lo-La-Li-Lo.

La-Li-Lo.

Lu-Lo-La-Li-Lo.

La-Li-Lo.

Ra-Re-Ri-Ro.

Pi-Pi-Po.

I can't do it anymore.

The guy's just so fucking gullible.

I don't know what else to do with the guy.

He repeats anything he says.

I don't know what the hell I was going to do.

I don't know what was going to go on.

I don't know.

He was just going to stay on there, man.

He's nice.

She is not going to hang up.

That was good.

Kokiri, I forgot to call him, someone who was saying to call him Baka, which is, yeah, stupid.

No, stupid, right?

Japanese, that's apparently what they were saying.

You had that classic Jim Belushi bit going there for a moment.

Yeah.

I never saw that bit.

I know what you're talking about.

I've seen video of it, but, you know, like I've seen pictures of him with a big samurai thing,

but I never actually paid attention to it.

Yeah, she's, this was another one.

basically went

cheeseburger

don't cook

petti

okay

that's really

okay that's

cool

to be honest

with you

I've never

seen it

YouTube it

I should see

it I mean I

know it's

famous and all

that for

yeah

I don't know

there's a part

where he like

he would cut

stuff with a

big samurai

sword all

angry and

I don't know

much I don't

know much

about Belushi

yeah that was

another skit

but yeah

but that's

that was the

other famous

yeah I don't

think I've ever

seen a Chevy

Chase bit from

from snl no he was on the first season i've seen a little bit of eddie murphy stuff but not much of

it uh there was that one chick that died of cancer i don't think i saw much of that either

seen the baba waba stuff you know that for halloween they would always show the snl be

like you know the best of halloween and they always had that skit where some one of the really

old ones with the baba waba character and he was like this kind of grifter kind of guy and he was

was trying to sell like uh dangerous um costumes for children he had one called um invisible

pedestrian it was like a black bag that a kid was supposed to put on himself while he was

trick-or-treating at night and it wasn't invisible pedestrian i think they had like there was one

like where you're supposed to be an astronaut man and it was like a bag that you put over your head

and tied it with a big rubber band which is like you know supposedly you know something you don't

tell kids to do you don't tell them to put bags over their heads jesus hey that was fun that was

japan you know it wasn't too bad see we thought at first oh this ain't gonna work but we got it

to work.

Oh, boy, Carlito

over here.

I was very surprised

you got somebody

with more than

half a dozen words

of English.

Yeah.

Especially at a pizza hut.

That's true.

They had one English

speaker there.

Not Nova checking out.

Oh, yeah, dude,

yeah, we're on

Cacti Radio, of course.

CactiRadio.com,

foreignlosers.org,

RBH.

I found the Hulu link.

You did?

Cool.

I put it in the chat

and I'm there.

I guess Hulu

would have that.

I guess Hulu

would have that

since they're all NBC.

All righty, well,

Well, Mikey129 saying, I feel very tropical today.

I feel very tired today.

Tonight.

Baby saying, both Belushi and Richard Pryor were fucking up.

We're fucking a room up, cutting shit in half with Samurai.

So, really, Richard Pryor was...

I like Richard Pryor.

You know who's a big fan of Richard Pryor is Milkman also.

I'm sure Milkman would be telling us all about that if you were...

We're Milkman anyway.

He's in the middle of moving.

He got a job at the last minute and he's in the middle...

He said tonight would probably...

Great.

Yeah it's good

But they said tonight

Might be his one time

In a long time

That he can make it

For the show

But he's not around

He might be with his girl

He's got a girlfriend too now

So you know

He's too busy for us

He's got a girlfriend

Oh

Yeah so you know

We know how that goes

Don't we

Oh yeah

You know what happens

Samurai Stockbroker

And Samurai Subshop

See you later

True

Break out the rolling pin

Yeah don't get married Milkman

Stay away from it

And he bringing up Samurai

So yeah

So the guy had

Yeah Samurai

I think I remember

Seeing the Samurai

uh sub shop as andy's bringing up i think it was cutting a sandwich in half like that's the clip

i've seen and that's just a clip it's just like you know a promo for you know usually i'll be

watching nbc and to be like it's the best of saturday night live and i'll show a clip of that

i'm like oh fuck this and i will you know change it fucking saturday night live i we still dvr

saturday night live here in my house but literally i sit there with my dvr and i with my hand my

finger on the fast forward button i fast forward through the monologue always uh and you know i go

go about two seconds into each you know well that's never good i i give each bit five seconds

and by the if by the fifth second is not kind of keeping me in i fast forward next one you know

i i burned through it in a half hour or less i didn't happen to watch it uh this weekend

and then i never watch it i think because olympics is on and it came on after the olympics yeah it

hasn't recorded and uh without seeing lately it hasn't recorded here since the holidays i think

we cancel it to make room to record something for the holidays and we never we forgot to set it

and each time i wake up sunday morning like oh fuck i forgot i forgot saturday night live and

i never get to recording it because you gotta you gotta be with my dvr that i get from my my

before i you know live here comcast you can only set something to record five days ahead so i

usually by monday or tuesday i i've already forgotten to remind myself to record saturday

night live i just remembered tonight to start recording front line again i haven't recorded

a front line in over a year we're working through there through the dvr today cleaning it out i

noticed front line was on the guide i said oh shit let's record that that's a good show i love

front line i like shows like that mikey went to and i mentioned netflix has the original snl first

season maybe i'll get back on netflix i i wane on that i i pick it up for a month i pick up a few

movies usually after oscar time usually this is the time of year after the oscars i usually i sign

up for netflix i uh add all the oscar nominees for best uh picture and any others that look

interesting like the documentaries right and and i watched those and i canceled my netflix

but last year i did it and i started getting into the netflix online where you can watch it and i

saw enter the dragon for the first time i got to watch i mean i didn't have to download it was

playing right there i was like hey i never saw enter the journal people talk about it so much

enter the dragon really finally saw it yeah it was a pretty cool movie man huh that that bruce

lee yeah i never seen a bruce lee movie before and i'm puerto rican i don't know

Lonesome Loser's not around yet

But we got numbers to get to

We can call another

Older number here in Japan

Where they speak English

Speaking of first times

I've never really listened

To Peter Tosh

I downloaded a torrent

Of his discography

So I'm playing his songs

At random

See if he's any good or not

You know anything

About Peter Tosh?

What did he do?

Did he work with Bob Marley?

Is that his deal?

Yeah

He did a lot of stuff

He's a big

Ganja

Legalizer

Legalize it

His song

And stuff like that

Well I'll give it

to spin we'll see piss jug saying yes legalize it is a great peter tosh album that's one of the

ones i have here we'll get to those later i had a very early lunch today didn't have dinner yet

so i'll definitely be taking a break for a sandwich at some point all right let me pull

up the lonesome loser logs here just a moment anybody you have a suggestion for someone you

want us to prank call send them in madhouse radio on aol and yahoo instant messenger if you're using

msn messenger that would be madhouse at live.com you can also use our request a prank feature over

We're at our main home page, madhouselive.com.

While you're there, stop on by the forums, which are dead.

No one's been posting in the forums.

I'm kind of upset about that, but hey, I'm guilty.

I haven't been keeping up with it either.

I did finally release a new episode of the podcast.

Yeah, we probably need to promote it and put a new site on it or something.

Yeah, do something.

I was thinking about, RBCP was talking about we could have our own server and have laissez-faire control of it

instead of going through these third parties that I go through.

But we lose all those postings that are in there now.

So, I mean, if it gets to the point where it's dead.

What's in there that's important?

This is a lot.

Prank calls?

Prank calls.

There's a lot of prank calls in there.

Yeah, Hollywood Vanya spent a whole year putting prank calls in there,

and he doesn't even show up anymore.

He doesn't care about us.

Or you could take those and move those over.

I don't know.

If I can import them or export them, that'd be cool.

That's what you got to do, really.

Yeah.

Anyway, so, yeah, we're releasing a new, I released a new episode.

It's on Sunday.

It's called One Man, One Room.

No, One Bed, One Room, Two Men.

Something like that.

Yeah.

A lot of Houma hotels call.

Now, a Houma hotel in Tehran, which is a place that we call often.

And then guess what?

I think I told you about this, Tuck, but there's some investigation.

and apparently we found out

at the Houma Hotel

they have a history of putting up banners

and signs and placards

they even had up in tile for several years

at their main entrance on the way out of the building

it said down with USA

really big letters

they have it all over the place

all over the place in the Houma Hotel

now I can feel kind of vindicated

for prank calling them

and acting like the arrogant American asshole

so matter of fact

We should fucking call him about it, too.

As a matter of fact, that's what I'm going to do.

Let's get, uh, let's see here.

Homa Hotel.

Uh, nope, passed it.

Okay.

Homa Hotel in Tehran, Iran.

Yes, ma'am.

How are you doing today?

I'm very well, thank you.

How are you?

Good.

Listen, I have a complaint to make.

Okay.

I was in there, and there was a sign that said,

Down with USA, down with Israel.

Okay.

And what is this?

You were here, and you were studied.

Could you repeat that again?

I saw a sign.

In our hotel?

Yes.

And it says, down with USA.

I haven't seen that sign.

I don't think that is the right thing to see anyway in the hotel.

No, in the hotel it says, down with Israel, down with USA.

Where did you see that sign?

In the hotel lobby.

Was it in the room?

In the hotel lobby.

And then when I was checking in, the man, he said, hey, he told me, come here, come here.

And I said, what?

And he said, come close.

He said, come close, right?

Like that.

And he came to my ear and he whispered and he said, down with USA.

That is not acceptable.

But as I said...

Hold on, I want to speak with Aziz.

With the manager, you can't speak right now.

You need to call back in two or three hours time because it's the morning.

Where are you from?

I'm Iranian.

Yeah, you sound a little bit like you've got a problem, though.

Are you a little slow?

No, I'm not.

You sound like it a little bit.

No, no, no, no.

No?

You're mistaken.

No, you sound like you have an epilepsy.

No, no, you've got it 100%.

Listen, you have a complaint, and you need to call back and speak to the manager.

And if you think I've got an epilepsy, it means you're stupid.

Why are you insulting me?

No, I'm not, because...

No, wait, wait, wait, you call me stupid.

You're insulting me, right?

Ben, you're telling me I've got an epilepsy, and I'm slow.

That means you're trying to insult me, and that is not acceptable here.

Where?

And if you think, okay, I get up at 6 o'clock in the morning, I'll call Iran, and I'll tell them, okay, that is slow.

They don't understand what they're talking about, and we're going to stand against that, and you can't do anything about it.

And that is the way we think, and that is the way we act.

You know, your mother...

That is the way why you people are scared of us.

Your mother has sex with monkeys from behind.

Fuck you in the hole.

It doesn't do anything to me, because I don't have... I'm an only child.

I don't give a fuck

Talk about my sister all she wants

She was never born

If I had a sister

She didn't live very long

In my mother's womb

So you heard it here folks

Everybody

Fuck my sister

In every hole she has

That's fucking magic gold

Right there

That guy was great

He did

He did sound a little

He's got a little something

Cleft lip

That's what a

Crow crusher

Making a good point

It did sound

That's what I was

He has a cleft lip

He's got a hair lip

That's not nice to say

Hair lip

There is a pic of that

Down with USA

In tile there

Fuck your sister

Oh yeah, Nunu was giving me ideas

He said to call from Mossad or something

That's true

We'll call back, get someone later

Coconut Tuck, you guys there?

You guys are quiet

Does something fuck up with the PC?

Just make it short

I don't know if I lost

What are you eating there, Big Tuck?

You got some oatmeal?

Chocolate cake?

Keep eating chocolate cake

Eat it

Like that

It's bad for your chocolate cake.

You gotta have some milk.

You got some milk, right?

I know Milkman's not here, but I know you got some milk.

Oh, yeah, I got some milk.

You can have...

I could do...

I could do chocolate cake with Coca-Cola.

I think I could do that.

That's doable, right?

With water.

Folks, we're moving on.

Ken's trying to call in.

Well, Ken, yeah.

Ken, I was on the line.

Okay, you're probably getting the voicemail because I had the ringer off.

If you're calling, I don't know who you are, because I'm doing calls right now.

But now that I'm paying attention, if you call in before I do the next call, I'll put you on it.

You little shit.

Yeah, you have to be in the zone.

In the zone.

Right in the thing.

If you don't, in the end, you're not going to get it.

Yeah, this isn't a professional radio show.

The X, the O, the O, the X, the O, the X, the O, got to bring it.

Like right now, it's already too late.

Wait, I'm already calling the Aquarius hotel.

Oh, look, he made it in.

Send a voicemail.

Oh, I was going to pick him up.

I wanted to hear him leave a dirty voicemail.

Oops.

You like that?

Oops.

It kind of scared me.

It kind of scared me there.

He just barely did not squeak in.

I'm sorry, can I get to the next one?

I was going to bring you back.

I was going to send you the voicemail for a second and come back.

My idea was hold.

Why don't you like my voicemails?

Call on the Aquarius.

This is Renee.

May I direct your call?

Hey, big Renee's.

Big Dolores there.

May I ask who's calling?

This is Valente.

And do you...

Calling about her papers.

What papers?

It's a private matter.

Well, one moment.

Let me see if she's available.

Thank you.

Not a paper.

Really, it's a private matter.

You don't ask what kind of papers.

Fuck.

It's like me going to all my coworkers tomorrow.

Hey, how much you make on your paycheck today?

but just don't do that.

Ken, I'm sorry.

I was going to send you for a second

and hit that button to bring you back.

I've been trying to get that to work,

but everyone always hangs up

when they hear the voicemail start.

I'm sorry, which Dolores are you looking for, sir?

The big one.

You need to be a little bit more...

Old Dolores, big Dolores.

Listen, I'll have you know

this is about official papers.

I'm going to transfer you to my supervisor

and she can take care of this for you.

Who's the supervisor?

One moment.

I'm not asking you to transfer me to the supervisor.

I'm going to write her up now.

I'm going to have them report her.

Hi, this is Myla.

Who would you like to...

Listen now.

What I'm trying to...

And then who was I just speaking to?

An operator?

No, who.

Not what.

Renee.

Okay, I want Renee written up.

Like, right now.

Like, I want to know the ticket number and everything.

Okay, sir.

Who would you like me to transfer you to?

I need to speak to Dolores about these papers.

About what papers, sir?

It's a private matter.

It's a private business matter.

Do you represent Dolores?

What department does she work in?

She works in reception.

Okay, one moment, sir.

Putting me in the security, I think.

I forget Ryan.

Was it Ryan?

Yes, I need to speak with Big Dolores, please.

Big Dolores.

Dolores?

Yes.

Listen, now, I'm looking for an employee.

I was just speaking to Renee.

Who's Renee?

There's a woman over there who answers the phone.

Her name is Dolores, and she owes papers.

And I'm trying to get a hold of her, and you people will transfer me to the incorrect apartment.

Again, the last time this happened, I had a security complaint, and I was transferred to the fucking floor room game room thing.

One time I got transferred to beverage services when I was trying to report that I lost my iPod.

All right, let's call Indian Cuisine here.

They're expecting 98.6 in the mouth.

You're on the air.

I don't do that, guys.

I don't know if it's someone calling back from a prank call.

I just say hello, you know?

That's right.

Y'all got to be more savvy.

Y'all got to be paying more attention.

Got to be Johnny in the fucking spot, man.

Fuck.

That's right.

What's the name of the cigar place that we're always fucking around with?

Oh, man.

I haven't talked to them in a while, so I forgot.

Hot topic.

Oh, God.

I know we're talking about kids.

Funky Zone.

Chat room.

It's Funky Zone.

I remember it already.

That was auto parts, wasn't it?

No, that's something else.

That's Auto Zone.

Call from Ken.

To accept, press 1.

To send a voicemail, press 2.

Hey, Big Ken.

Hey, Derek Carlito.

It's about time you got through.

What's the matter with you?

Hey, I'm getting ready to call Funky Zone.

You want to join in for this call to Funky Zone?

Yeah, let's call them all.

Let's see what's going on.

All right, Funky Zone.

Good friends of ours.

Play this music over here.

you're gonna call in you gotta ride with us

I'm not stopping doing the show for people to call in

white boys to call in I don't want to doubt what this

number is

can we keep it to a one white boy

call a night minimum

well I would like it if you call in

once you're in the show for a little bit don't

keep fucking calling in

everybody out there

I'm gonna have a one call I don't want to be an asshole

and start calling you out in the air when you're calling

hot topic is the emo store

my bad oops I guess I am in a

tropical mood eh

In Hot Pockets, that thing used to be breakfast, man.

Just in case you asked.

Shit.

Good point there, white boy.

All right, so Funky Zone does not answer.

How was your week?

What do you got to report?

Anything crazy?

A whole lot.

And I failed to mention, I boycotted the Olympic Games.

I refused to watch any of them in solidarity with Conan O'Brien

and his whole situation with what happened to NBC.

And I stuck to it.

I didn't watch an ounce of Olympic Games.

I'm going to fucking cut NBC in their crap.

But what was this?

Is this hockey?

Is it women's hockey?

Probably.

So it's men's hockey.

Is this Canada that lost?

I thought Canada won the whole thing.

They did, but Cindy Crosby is a little...

Who's crying like a bitch?

What a fag.

Yeah, they don't like that in hockey.

People don't cry and stuff like that.

Hockey players are fucking tough, man.

Oh, dude, he's a little fag.

He plays with fucking Pittsburgh.

He cries like a little...

Goddamn.

Every time he gets the call against you,

he's a little cack-sack.

Wow, what an ass.

How did America...

Didn't America come second place?

What happened?

It was USA versus Canada, right?

Hey, we got more battles than whatever.

Hey, let's do another call then.

I don't know who to call.

Let's see here.

Ooh, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

That's nice.

I'm thinking.

You got an idea for a prank call we can do?

Give me a...

Ooh, a kebab shack.

There we go.

That's always fun.

All right, we're getting...

Yeah, well, let's do an Indian call.

Or some ban chute or something.

Hang on here.

Bengal, Tiger, East Indian.

All right, cool.

Let's do them.

They're on Roosevelt Way.

Roosevelt.

That's a good name for a black kid.

Roosevelt.

If I ever have a black kid, I'll name him Roosevelt.

Write that down, Tuck.

I found a webcam.

I'm just trying to look up that number here.

the camera in the chat room nice as it has asking the last time i called randy dandy

yeah hi is this the indian restaurant what's the difference i'm sorry this is the indian

what's the difference between east indian and the other indian um yeah i can't i went to india once

and i had indian food so i wanted to order it but he was saying it was explaining that it's

a different type it's from east india is there a difference or is it different dishes um it's

It's more a flavor of, like, kind of.

Like what?

I kind of?

Like coconuts and stuff?

Yeah, there's a lot of coconuts.

We have a coconut dish.

All right, Clay.

Put them back on so I can make my order, please.

Thank you for your help.

What would you like?

Well, I'll speak to him.

He was going to take my order.

We had an agreement.

I can take your order.

No, I'd rather speak to him.

Because when I started the conversation, he already has part of my order, so.

I don't want to have to give my stuff again.

He has my information.

I like dealing with people higher up and stuff.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, as soon as I speak to the order taker.

Huh? Yeah?

You have Mexico's Cobra or not?

You know, what about Gondu?

Can you ask for Gondu for me, please?

What?

Can you ask for Gondu, please?

I think he's at your mom's house.

No, no, no, Gondu's there. Can you please ask for him?

Fakie.

I'll do that.

Yeah, I thought he said tires, too.

I'm going to help you.

I'm looking for Bill.

Bill?

Matt, can you tell him it's Ken Kniff from Connecticut?

I'm looking for Bill.

He's in the back.

He's cooking his steak right now.

Can you tell him it's Ken Kniff?

I'm kidding.

Go shoot yourself.

What kind of comment is that?

What are you talking about?

Shoot myself.

That's not really nice.

You're fucking stupid, man.

Dude, I'm trying to figure out what kind of comment is that?

He fucked you up.

You're already hung up, man.

You're hung up, son.

You're hung up.

Let me talk to your manager right now.

You're hung up, son.

What do you breathe?

Returning to main menu.

You breathe so weird.

You have 50 new messages.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

To place a call, press 2.

For a Goog 411, press 3.

Or to change your, please enter the phone number you would like to dial, followed by the, this is a free call.

All right, we're calling a plantation.

Roll with it.

Hi, I caught this hair-lip mongoloid kid over here, and he says he's supposed to be over there with you.

What?

I caught a hair-lip mongoloid kid over here, taking my pumpkins, seedling pumpkins and watermelons before they're even ripe yet.

He took them out of my field.

I don't, you must have the wrong number.

No, no, this is the plantation, right?

Yes.

Listen, I caught one of your boys over here stealing my stuff, and you need to get him 20 lashings.

I don't have any boys over here.

Can you let me speak with the overseer, please?

I am the overseer.

Okay, well, I got one of your slaves over here stealing watermelon and unripe pumpkins.

I caught him, and you need to give him 20 lashings.

Yeah, we caught him because he was fucking...

No, no, you're the slave, you idiot, you stupid shit.

That's the slave on the phone.

Listen to him talk.

Talk.

Talk, slave.

I didn't do shit.

I didn't steal nothing.

You see, he's retarded.

Old woman.

Old woman!

She's just going to sit there and be a stupid.

I think there's another plantation here.

Maybe not.

Okay, the Mount Holly plantation.

Here we go.

All right.

Oh, God.

All right, hang on, Ken.

Hi, is this the plantation?

This is Valente.

Is this the plantation?

Yeah.

Okay, I'm a bounty hunter, and I caught one of your boys over here.

here. Shoplifting. I got one of your boys. Don't listen to that man. He's here to lie.

I got one of your boys over here shoplifting. I want you to come pick him up, give him 20.

He's here to lie. I don't want to talk about. I give him 20 lashings, please. No. Shut up.

Listen, I got one of your boys over here shoplifting from my store. God damn it. It's the third

time. I want you to come send. No. He's lying. I didn't do nothing. Send a goddamn car over

over here pick him up and i want him to get 20 lashings he's over it's over all right kevin thanks

for calling in bye

clap now you got the clap see to it see to it just listen oh man am i falling asleep i really

should have brewed some coffee it's too late to get coffee now if i get coffee now i'll be way

too wired to go to bed at midnight should have made brewed some coffee around nine it's

and it's weird when i'm getting ready for the show now like it'll be a tuesday night now and

excuse me i keep forgetting thinking in the back of my head it's uh it's a thursday night so

so i'll be like oh yeah we're doing the show now and you know tomorrow is going to be friday and

it's a weekend and then i remember oh yeah wait a minute no it's tuesday hey we're still the

the beginning of the week but hey it's hump day wednesday dude steakhouse how come we never called

that place before i'm scanning i'm trying to find something finita liquor i think we called them

see what they're up to finitas what's going on with the lotto machine over there this is valente

what's going on with the lotto machine valente from who i'm just valente i'm a customer where

are you from what do you mean what are you on for no where are you coming from you're asking me i'm

with who like i'm like i'm with some kind of company or something i thought you were yeah i

I thought you worked for the lotto or something.

Well, no, but I got it.

The machine?

Yeah, the machine's giving out the wrong, gave out the wrong damn numbers.

Listen, what are the, what were the lotto numbers tonight?

The, the, the pick three or whatever.

Three?

Uh-huh.

Second numbers?

No, what were all the numbers?

Give them.

Hold on.

Oh, you got printed out the machine, right?

You're supposed to.

Okay, now I have evening and morning.

Which one do you want?

Evening.

Five, five, three.

All right, listen, I picked five, five, three, and when I'm looking at it now, it says five,

five, four.

And I should have won that.

I'm sorry, say that again?

Always play 5-5-3, you understand?

Okay, okay.

And I get home today, and that's what wins when I get home from work.

And I look at my ticket, and it says 5-5-4.

Okay.

So obviously someone made a mistake over there.

Who was running the lotto machine?

Who was the lotto manager?

Listen, someone gave me the wrong numbers over there on the lottery.

I picked 5-5-8, and the number was 5-5-3 that won tonight.

And when I look at my numbers, I had 5-5-4 instead of 5-5-8.

When did you call?

Today.

in the afternoon

and you people gave me the wrong numbers

nobody had called here

I was here

no listen I came in

I came in to buy lottery

I know but nobody asked me for numbers

now why are you on the phone

I was here

I bought lottery today sir

and you gave me the wrong numbers

I buy it a week in advance

you know how you check the box for the week

you people gave me the wrong numbers and I lost

I should have had 558 and the winner was 553

What does that have to do with us?

Because you people gave me 554 instead of 558.

No, if you print the machine...

No, but your machine is...

When's the last time you calibrated the machine?

When is what?

When was the last time you calibrated the machine?

Calibrated? They don't calibrate the machine.

Yes, you do.

It says here on the lottery rule book that I'm looking at here that I got from the state

that you're supposed to calibrate the machine every week.

Well, that's up to them.

You know, they come in...

We'll calibrate it right now.

Whatever.

You need to calibrate it right now.

Okay.

I'm going to report you, and they're going to take away your lotteries.

Thank you.

Listen.

You need some scam with lottery tickets?

It happened here in Florida.

There's a way that some of those little gas station places, they can do a scam with it.

I'm trying to remember what it was.

I think it was Dateline that had it.

What the fuck was it?

Chicken soda here.

I think it was something where they were keeping winning lottery tickets or something.

Like if someone had a winning for a dollar, they'd bring it in, and then they'd scan it again afterwards or something.

that to win the lottery money again or i don't know some scam they caught this um gas station

doing it and the lottery administration the people came in and it took all their lottery tickets in

their lottery machine and the owner is like this uh hindu guy and he was he was all concerned

because like yeah this is going to ruin my business it's like 50 of my traffic like people

come in to buy a lottery and then they buy everything else so he was sweating his ass off

god i hate the lottery i hate it you know why because i will never the lottery is such a waste

of money your odds of winning the lottery are so fucking stupid i know people that play the

lottery every week we've had it here i've never even bothered when i was younger

when i was younger and i turned 18 i you know i did it a few times because i was just because

it was like oh i can do it i'll play the lottery what the fuck i'll do it but for me to be like

one of those um fucking puerto rican guys like i know because i'm puerto rican and i grew up and

And I see him all the time, friends of my family and just friends.

And, you know, I remember there was this one guy that I used to, his dad, my friend's dad, he had all set of the lottery here in Florida.

They would give out for free these little lottery card holders, you know, a little slip.

So he would keep the same slip and it was in a little special little, it's almost like kind of like a smaller version of what they use when you go to pay at a restaurant.

on you know the little fold kind of booklet where you put your receipt in with your uh with your

card and the pen after you sign it kind of like that but thinner and it was for the lottery you

know a little scanner thing and you just keep it up in your in your car like up in the in the visor

so it's like so you know and you got and there's people playing one dollar five dollars a week

i go in there and i was like shocked the other day i was in there and like i started looking at it

and they got like games that are scratch off games that are 25 bucks a pop 25 bucks a pop

off for a scratch-off game i remember there was like a dollar and i remember once they came out

they came out with like uh bingo for five dollars here now there's a whole fuck fuck load of them

a 25 scratch-off game that's insane yeah but i hate it dude when i especially in the morning if

if i might have enough time to pop into the gas station or um or the little hajimar on the way to

work and i'll pop in for you know a water or mountain dew something to eat real quick for

for breakfast if i got a little time and god damn it i hate it when someone gets in front of me and

i see they got that damn lottery slip because i'm gonna have to sit there and they're gonna get the

card out and they're gonna slide it and they gotta sit there and hit the button and it didn't

scan the first time and the second time i'm like oh my god this is so fucking annoying it's so

stupid it's a tax on the people who don't understand odds and fucking math if you don't

know probabilities you play it play your stupid tax and go pay play the lottery damn it off my

my soapbox don't play lottery kids kids are watching we got a lot of kids little white boys

listen to show they're not 18 yet they'll get into the gambling and the lottery and all that

when you turn older so it's worth it's worthless they just have a slogan here got a dream get a

ticket they finally put it so you can check your own ticket you can check your own ticket like

your own number see yeah there you go well that's good do that fine put a little kiosk in the side

let people go in there and and hit their buttons for the numbers and have it dispensed because

Because they even got vending machines here with lottery tickets.

They've had them for like 15 years now.

The vending machine just gives out lottery tickets.

That's what I used to give every Christmas for my family because they're all Puerto Rican.

I would, you know, do the Christmas card thing, you know.

Ever since I turned 18, I'd do a Christmas card thing to all of them.

And I'd put in a few lottery tickets, like one or two in there.

Depending on how much I loved the person I was sending it to.

Because they do holiday themed ones and it's a nice little gift.

like instead of just sending a christmas card i throw in a lottery ticket in there it's pretty

cool it's fun even if you don't win you got to scratch off you got to play for a little bit

i don't care for cards i don't care for greeting cards christmas cards any kind of cards birthday

cards i don't i don't care for them you don't i would rather i tell people just don't spend the

money the five bucks four or five bucks on a freaking birthday card for me to read once and

then eventually throw away because i don't want them to pile up waste of money i don't like i

don't like sending them out i don't know how long to send them out for if i send them out the cats

Is it going to knock them down?

You got that, listeners?

Don't ever send me a card.

Yeah, cards suck.

Cards are for girls.

That's what they want.

Flowers.

A ton.

I'm looking for numbers here.

Give me a second.

Let me play a prank call.

I'm going to step out.

I'm going to make a phone call real quick.

I apologize.

Not as many interactions in the show today as there have been in the past.

Again, let me know if the audio quality is still coming in good.

I hope it is.

It seems to be much better than it has been in recent months.

Coming in good on my end.

Yeah, I know.

And actually, you guys sound really good.

Kokanee and Tuck.

I got the teen speak out really well thank you yeah if you guys if you guys stay just like that

don't get any louder or softer just stay at the levels you're talking at right now we're perfect

perfect no t at the end of that perfect all right let me load this up here I don't know what this

is this one is called uh house of poon whatever be right back this one sucks I'm gonna play that

I remember this.

Oof.

Oofa.

I'm going to play that.

There's one called Dad, It's Me.

I think that's from Hollywood Vanya.

I'm going to play that.

All right, let's do that.

Or Wait Until I Die.

There's one we haven't played in a long time.

Here we go.

Play this.

Grab that.

Richard Rickards, but Vanya and Rickards.

You.

Look.

Look, man.

You.

This Joe Carvell?

No, it ain't Joe Caldwell.

Who the hell is this?

This is fucking dead.

Oh, look at him, man.

This bitch joy don't take my son game like my son's computer game. Let's crash it all up

You scratch my fucking game. God damn it. Where's the fuck man? Yeah, man, you know how much the cost?

PS2 man. Yeah, you know what?

PS2 man. Take the fucking dick out of your mouth.

$39. PS2?

PS2 you saying my cousin scratch your PS2 game? How the fuck is that possible when he's been on my fucking house?

He did it last night

If you got shit to say, fucking come to my fucking house and stop calling me from fucking New York, you dumbass.

We are in New York, and you know what?

We'll be down there in a second if you want us to be.

Yeah, you'll be down here in a second.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's how much I call your number.

It tells me I'm in there with fucking access code.

Hey, hey, you cock.

You know what?

Listen here, you cock.

That's my cell phone you're calling.

You don't need to be putting in the access code on your cell phone.

You don't want to do that, okay?

No matter what.

But tell me to when I call it.

It don't go through.

Look, that wasn't supposed to come through.

So I obviously didn't block my number right

I'm sorry

If you're getting the New York number

The one that starts with a 7

Yeah

Oh, jeez, look, I'm sorry, man

What the fuck is it?

I'm sorry, man

Please don't tell my parents about this, okay?

Who the fuck is it?

This is me

Who the fuck's me?

I'm a friend of, you know, of Joe

You're a friend of, you know?

Yeah, my name's Ben

Your name's Ben?

Yeah

Really, where do you live at, huh?

Right here in Wayne

Wayne. You live in Wayne? Yeah. Really? Yeah, man. What part of Wayne? The good part, over

there, you know, South Park. The good part? Why don't you come to Bendick Street right

now? Come to do what with your dick now? What? Come to Bendick Street right now, motherfucker.

If you got balls, come down my fucking street right now. Bendick Street? Come down my fucking

street, you fucking fat ass that fucking broke my fucking car. Yeah, that's right. Look,

man, I don't know what you be talking about. Oh, I know what I'm talking about, because

your goddamn number.

Okay, look,

I sat on the car.

You called my cell phone

because you wanted

to do a trade on the amp

and my shit got broken

and stolen out

of my fucking car.

No, I don't know.

We fucking stopped you

and my fucking CD player

was in your fucking dashboard.

I don't know

what you're talking about, man.

I don't know.

Well, if you come running,

come to fucking Bendix.

I'm innocent.

You're innocent.

I'm innocent.

You're innocent.

Eyes don't see nothing, sir.

Come down.

All right,

what street you at?

I'll come to your fucking house.

Where do you live at?

Bendix Street?

I live right off

fucking Annapolis.

Annapolis?

Yeah.

Where the fuck is that?

Street.

You say you're from Wayne and you don't know where fucking Annapolis is?

Oh, Annapolis.

Yeah, I know where Annapolis is.

You said Annapolis.

Where is Annapolis?

Over there.

Over there by Wayne.

Northeast, southwest of there.

You know?

Northeast, southwest of there?

Dude, you ain't even from fucking Wayne.

Yes, I am, man.

Wayne till I die.

Well, Wayne High School.

Wayne till you die?

Wayne till I die.

You sound like a Belleville faggot to me.

Belleville?

How'd you know?

You could tell by my voice?

Yeah, you sound like a little fucking faggot.

So what happened to your car now?

My car?

What the fuck do you think happened?

Why don't you come try to steal shit out of my car again so I fucking kill you?

I didn't do anything.

Yeah, that's right.

You're fucking scared to come back.

Yeah, I am.

Look, how'd you know it was me?

Look, you got my number now.

I mean, please.

Yeah, I got your number when I called fucking what?

Well, then what's it got to do with me?

What's it got to do with me?

You got to call me with your phone.

That's all it is.

I'm in New York.

I'm going to pay for them.

You ain't in fucking New York.

I am.

Then why the fuck are you calling a cell phone?

I'm not calling a cell phone.

phone yeah this is a fucking cell phone oh great yeah well now the fuck you know my cousin's name

he's my boy so you from new york and my cousin's your boy word me and joy man me and joy till i

die see you ain't even from fucking new york he's my bff you ain't even from fucking new york yes i

am you from new york what the hell you talking about yo you yous guys yeah that's right you

know where i'm at i'm in fucking wayne on bendix street get the fuck out of here fucking take

Where the fuck, get the fuck out of here.

You fucking muley, get the fuck up.

Fuck you, nigger.

I don't know my street.

See if you keep talking shit.

What'd you say?

What'd you say to me?

I said, fuck you, nigger.

Calm down my fucking street.

Hey, look, motherfucker.

Look, my mama black.

Your mama black?

Well, good.

Fuck you, nigger.

Fuck me, nigger.

I'm not black, though.

Fuck you, nigger.

You're a son of a bitch.

Nigger.

You're a son of a bitch.

Fucking nigger.

Kiss my ass, honky cracker ass cracker motherfucker.

You don't have to be a fucking honky.

I'm not on a fucking street so they can fuck up my curb

Uh, what a bitch

I mean, where you live? I'll be right over

Bitch, what a bitch

What a bitch

Exactly, you're a real bitch that talks on the phone

You're a crack-ass bitch

Where do you want to meet?

Come on, where are you going to be at?

Where do you want to meet?

Pistols at Dawn

Pistols at Dawn, right?

Pistols at Dawn, sir

Did you say you're from Wayne?

I told you already, I'm Wayne, man

Wayne, Wayne, Wayne

From Wayne

Wayne

In Michigan

Wayne

Alright, what high school are you going to do?

What's it got to do?

What's it got to do with me?

What do you want to know it for?

Tell me what high school you want to go to.

That's none of your business.

Because you ain't here from here.

Yes, I am.

There's one high school here.

What the fuck's it called?

I don't need to tell you shit.

Because you ain't from here.

Look, I work at the county airport.

You work at the county airport?

Yeah.

Can I tell you something?

There ain't no fucking county airport.

Yes, there is, man.

What's it called?

Wayne County Airport.

Wayne County Airport?

Yeah.

You know, every day I take the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel

To over the Ambassador Bridge

Downriver

And over there at the airport

Really?

Well, you're from Wayne

You know where Miss Gavis is?

Yeah

You know where Wayne Road and Miss Gavis is?

No

Should I?

You know where Wayne Road and Miss Gavis is?

Who is...

Hello

Sir?

Hello?

Sir

What?

Sir

What?

Hello, sir

You're from fucking Wayne

Yes, I'm from Wayne

Alright

Well, fucking

Why don't you get in your little fucking car

I don't have time for that right now

Because you're fucking stupid

I don't have time for that right now

You don't have time for that right now

Now, why are you fucking everybody's dick system, bitch?

Busy.

Yeah, you know, me and you, we met back in Wheel Fest.

Wheel Fest?

Yeah, you know, Wheel Fest.

And Wayne.

Yes.

When did we meet?

I think it was the last Wheel Fest.

Last year.

I didn't go to no Wheel Fest last year.

Well, didn't your friend used to work at the Ford factory?

The Ford factory?

Yeah, where they make the expeditions.

He plays EverQuest.

Well, yeah, that's him, dude.

That's him.

I just met that boy two days ago.

Well, he's talking some shit about you, so that, you know, he said some shit.

I don't know.

I don't want to hurt your feelings or nothing, but...

That motherfucker's 39 years old, Blake.

He's going to talk shit about me?

He's talking mad shit about you, man.

No, you're the one that's talking mad shit, you little bitch.

You got it all twisted.

I'm all twisted, dude.

I'm fucking sitting outside right now waiting for you to fucking come down here.

I forgot how to get there.

You ain't never going to figure out how to get here.

It's all right.

You tell me now.

Tell me now.

Hey, you don't even know where the fucking...

Hey, tell me now.

You don't even know where it is.

I command you to tell me now.

You go Michigan to Wayne Road.

Michigan, hang on, I'm writing it down.

Michigan to Wayne Road.

Yeah, well, then you head towards Annapolis.

Right.

And as soon as you get to Annapolis, you make a right.

You take that all the way down to a dirt road.

You make a left, and then you make a right on the Bendick.

Bendick.

Yup.

Bendick.

Just like that.

Yup.

You little bitch.

No, I'm trying to figure out.

You're wasting my fucking time.

Throw some balls when I don't come down.

If not, shut the fuck up.

How do I get there from Cherry Hill Road?

Please enter your destination number now.

Yes, please enter your thing now.

Hey, everybody.

I'm back.

Carlito.

Got some soup in me.

I had some soup.

All right.

What are you playing at?

What are you doing?

I've been souping.

All the losers here.

All right.

Good for us.

Camera on him.

The Manchester Pub.

The Red Bull.

Is it the Red Bull Pub?

I don't know.

We might have that around.

Lonesome could find it.

Red.

I think it's called the Red Bull Pub or the Red Hit.

Bull's Head.

I forgot.

Anybody remember?

Let me know.

Let's see if it's Bull's Head.

I think the last time we tried to call the last few times, they wouldn't answer.

Because they actually live there.

It's like a little bar, but I think they actually live there.

Pub.

I want some agrees.

Oh, yeah, man.

Let's stop answering when we call.

I know.

I know, except numbers with weird caller IDs at this time of night.

We figure it's some tosser, as they were calling me.

I think it's the asshole that woke him up and said they owned the pub that one time was a hangout.

And we called again. I think later on we had two calls in one night.

And it was more of the same. It was more of me saying I own the place.

And the guy actually argued with me quite a bit.

We're finally picking up my call. I want to do a prank phone call.

Prank phone call. We'll do a prank phone call.

What do you want to call? What kind of business?

Okay, let's go ahead and put in pasta here. I'm filling pasta.

Rasta Pasta, here we go, in Colorado

Mark yourself out, kid

I'm still getting messages from people wanting MacBooks

Someone placed a Craigslist order

In Atlanta for MacBooks

And they've been calling for three weeks

Leaving voicemail and texting

Every day I get a text, it's funny

Right before the show, I was texting somebody, actually

I hate this music

I hate Peter Tosh

I'm too lazy to find something else to play

Can you tell the people

to um can you just can you go into the bathroom or something that's kind of loud and i can't hear

you i'm gonna say you to you people um i was in there the other day getting some band to be a

pubic hair why is that's disgusting um well i mean we have a lot of current i don't know how

you could decipher unless unless you have some type of genetic coding my friend john's there

and i well he's not i don't have any johns yes you do coach never quote a name lesson

John Coates, man.

He freaking works there.

Are you laughing at me?

You can't quote a name, eh, Tuck?

There's only quote descriptions sometimes.

What's so funny?

Of course we're laughing at you.

What's so funny?

Why wouldn't I laugh at you?

What's so funny?

You are calling here a hippie and thinking that I don't know who it is.

Seriously, I don't appreciate...

Now's your chance.

He thinks you're a hippie.

...into my freaking pasta.

You can run with it.

This guy thinks he's someone else already.

You must see a lot of pubic hair to know exactly what they all look like.

No, I know.

John Coates works there.

He's wide open.

I know, John.

No, he pulled it up.

He sprinkled it in there.

Because it wasn't just one.

It was a couple.

I think I'm going to sue John, and I'm going to sue the owner.

No, but he's not here.

He's in charge there.

Me?

Justin put it up a Craigslist ad already, eh?

Or is that the old one?

How are we going to fix this?

That's the one.

It's still up.

I don't know.

I'm thinking $100 gift card.

$100 gift card.

If you're not, it's still fun.

I can get it.

They just think it's funny.

Okay, fine.

I'll have a $50 gift card.

Someone's laughing.

So you'll eat pubic hairs for $50?

What if I just give you $50 to watch me eat pubic hair?

I didn't purposely eat.

You know that it was definitely that.

Have you tasted a piece of pubic hair before?

Too much, no.

What is this?

I'm funny.

Okay, I don't penis sword fight, and, um...

Call me back.

I got a Twitter for you.

Well then.

Yeah!

Okay, and I'll say this.

This is gonna be a great night.

Or why you eat pubic hair.

Roy.

Roy John.

What's up?

Roy John.

Damn.

I'll keep him in the background when I talk a little bit.

Jesus dude

You got to work on these kids

You got to work on these

White boys to call in

Well they're trying

I mean he's actually

Not doing bad

It's a good training ground

But I mean

Shit

But I mean

Damn man

You can't like

Let them take over sometimes

Right

Don't be probably

At the whole show with it

Alright

Don't send a number

For Sundown Motel

Everyone said

Minimum

One white boy

Call

Episode

No

Every white boy

Should be limited

To one call

I mean, if it is, you don't have a problem with a penis sword fight, right?

This guy's just gay for him, I think.

I think he thinks this is his friend and he's gay for him.

See?

Yeah, exactly.

One of his cooks.

If I could, I'd be over there.

I could be over there.

All right, Lonson Lizaro sending a number for a Sundown Motel and a Hungry Redneck.

Sundown Motel and a Hungry Redneck here.

Huh?

Phone show joining us in about 1 hour and 18 minutes.

50% of the profit

I'll be taking over

At midnight

Eastern

9pm Pacific

On Cacti Radio

Yeah

I mean

Maybe we'll just make it

Every Tuesday night

I am scheduled to

Cacti Radio

We could make

A radio show out of it

I don't know how

We'd add video to it

Just like

Madhouse Live does

Oh he's not

Madhouse Live

I have to go

Because I've got

A cute busy bus drive

Thank you

For the laugh

I don't know

I guess we've got to

Talk a little bit

Bye bye

That guy's gay for you dude

What's up with that

Why you let him talk to you

Like that man

I don't know

I didn't know what to say

I don't know

It sounds like you're into it

You gotta be a man sometimes

Don't let him talk to you

Like that bro

Just gotta tell him early

Fucking snap it off

Sometimes it's good to be gay

Like not for real

But like fake

Well you're young

That's cool

I don't roll that way

That's cool

Returning to main menu

You have

Alright

New messages

Hang on

To listen to your messages

Press 1

This is a free call

God damn right, better be fucking shit.

Hungry Redneck, let me start this one.

No beeps on the phone, okay?

No breathing, please, Chris, okay?

Yeah, listen, what's your deal?

Where's that woman over there that's talking all sassy?

Some woman over there talking all sassy.

Some stupid woman's over there talking all sassy and nasty on the phone.

Who's the woman that's asking for the phone, huh?

Is this one of those bucket of boners?

Nobody here.

Give me a steak sandwich, damn it.

Are you Croatian-Italian?

Fucking asshole.

Asshole.

That's right.

You are a Croatian-Italian asshole.

Piece of shit.

Piece of shit, you...

All right, cool.

Is that the guy?

You have...

Chris, I gotta go.

I gotta talk.

Hi, Chris.

He killed me.

Hi, Chris.

For Goog 411...

I think that was him, yep.

I think that was him.

I had to go in.

That was him.

I think Lonesome Loser brought a blast in the bass, and that's awesome.

He snuck that in, because I could tell, right?

Right from the beginning, I was like, I think it's that fucking guy.

That's why I said Croatian-Italian.

yeah he's a cool dude oh that's a weird accent on creation of the town wait did we mention him

yesterday some people in the chat were talking about him there was a reference to him sundown

motel let's give it a shot yeah and jim was mentioning earlier uh excuse me hodgy mark on

wyomore road and also on here in the central florida area i think i might have been to that

one i know which one you're talking about matter of fact i know exactly which one you're talking

He said, stop on the way to my boy Pedro's house.

It was right by his apartments.

I'd go to visit him.

I'd stop there, pick up a six-pack or something, you know.

Listen, I got people defacing the flag in your parking lot.

What now?

People defacing the flag there in your parking lot.

It's this.

Sundown Motel, sir.

You got people with a flag.

It's not your flag, maybe, but they have their own flag.

And they were washing, they were drying a car and wiping down the car with an American flag.

Oh.

Just a few minutes ago.

I want you to report those people right now.

You know, repeat, there's a bunch of cars parked in that side.

I want to go down there.

I want you to tell me who they are.

I want to make a citizen's arrest right now.

Come on down.

Let's come on down.

Listen, this is the Sundown Motel.

There was a man out there wiping his car down with an American flag.

I want to go down there and talk to him.

Sounds good.

I'm a veteran, and I'll take kind of...

Why don't you play me a bit?

Are you a veteran?

No, but...

What was he?

Anyway, come on down.

Listen, listen, do you got papers over there?

No, where's your papers at?

I want you to get all your papers out.

I want copies of them.

Your business papers.

Listen, I'm going to rub one out on you.

I'm going to rub it out on you.

Can I smoke a cigar in there?

I'll pry in your face.

Mrs. Valente, don't you threaten me, sir.

Sir, I'm friends with Bob Martin.

God damn you.

I'll have you fucking ruined.

I'll put your name in the paper and I'll have you ruined.

They'll close you down.

They'll have an Indian running your damn motel.

I'll sell it off.

Anybody in the line?

Do we have someone in the line?

Hello?

forgot if we do or don't jen singing a number for prostitutes and hookers nice thank you girl

big girl big job all right i used to have a cigar shop let me tell you a story about that cigar shop

in the ultimate mall motherfucker i went there once and there's this fucking white guy this

fucking white boy back there wearing a fucking guayabera and i went in there i was like 19

and i wanted to i wanted to check out smoking clove cigarettes right so i go in there and just

ask the guy hey uh what's like a popular clove cigarette and he goes well just depends on what

you want i'm like i've never smoked close cigarettes before i'm wondering what your

most popular one is so i could maybe start from there because well it's just a matter of taste

he got all snobbish on me and i told him to go fuck himself when i walked out and they the i

think he got fired because his man his manager was like sick in the back and i and i was like i was

i told him like you know what fuck you or something like that i mumbled under my mouth

i was like excuse me sir excuse me i said dude really i'm just i'm all i'm asking you i started

started talking loud i was like all i'm asking you is because if you tell me what the most popular

one you sell the most is i'll know which one to get and that's where i can start from there's a

goal and then he kept arguing like no no but it's all personal preference like what i may like you

may not like i'm like i don't care i'm asking you what the most popular is i'll forget it i just

left that fucking place i remember it was over there right by the food court right in front of

the food court over by the small arcade that that mall used to have two arcades and it had

his really big ass one and a small one that doesn't have shit last time i went there christmas

ah shit there's no arcades in this fucking town i go to the one arcade that i find that's close

to my house and i lose my debit card god damn it i had this game there man where you fly in 747

and it's the hardest fucking it's the hardest most fucking retardus fuck fucking thing ever

it's a dollar a game or something i don't know it's like four credits i don't even understand

i put i put five dollars of credits and it told me i had 445 credits i put five bucks on the car

i'm like okay that's weird that's a lot of gaming for five bucks i guess take it the games

were okay they had some decent games mike william 129 is here for jack masterson whatever there we

go the embassy of the democratic peoples republic of korea i recall them not too long ago all right

steakhouse uh they're in las vegas taking a break here in about three minutes so we can join

syndicate for the last hour of the show or i might just end the show i don't know what i'm gonna do

listen i have a problem with rare steaks why did i constantly get rare steaks when i come in there

every time with the steaks with the blood in it

and I say I want this one medium well

medium, medium well

so I have a little bit

let me just speak to the head chef in charge right now

that's what I want to do

ok, just a moment

what's his name?

Fernando

thank you everybody for tuning in to Madhouse Radio

madhouselive.com is the website of course

and you can message me

madhouseradio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger

madhouse.live.com

if you're using MSN Messenger

messenger you can call in like the white boys have been doing 405 30 405 39 mouth i'm thinking

i might just uh for the last hour of the show i might play that january 5th episode that kokanee

that you edited uh since it hasn't been heard since it was on the air and i'll upload it at

the same time and i'll see how i feel after the break man because host is ready to go kokanee

right that one's good to go i don't know what the title what do you know do you remember that was a

while ago you edited it i haven't i don't have i don't know what the description of it is i'm

Cutting in and out.

Yeah.

You're not cutting in and out.

You're cutting in and out.

Why isn't he cutting in and out?

Oakland is cutting in and out.

Yeah, you're cutting in and out.

Don't blame him.

Blame you.

I guess we should call Milkman and see what he's on there.

Let yourself know you're a four-wolf.

This is taking too long.

Jesus.

Well, no, no.

She was getting Roberta.

But usually if I call again and push for an immediate response.

This always works.

Hanging up, calling again, asking the same person what the hell it is.

They get some urgency.

Some chilies in the gumbo.

This is Maria.

Hi, Maria. I'm holding for the head chef in charge.

Oh, hold on, please.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I forgot. There was a reason why we were holding.

It's going to be good. Fernando, the head chef.

I forgot what I was going to talk about. I forgot the premise.

Blood, right? Yeah.

This is Torrin.

Torrin, I'm holding for Fernando.

You're holding for Fernando? Okay.

I need to speak with the chefing staff. Who are you?

I'm the assistant manager.

Oh, you're the assistant manager.

Yes.

Oh, wow. That's nice, honey.

Hey, can I speak to Fernando, please?

Because he messed up my order again. I'm speaking directly with him.

Okay, hold on one second.

Thank you.

Let me get back to her later.

She's awfully nice, though.

We've called Japan tonight.

We've called Iran.

Oh, we should call the Homo Hotel in Iran.

The Homo Hotel.

Fuck.

The guy told me to fuck, what was it?

Fuck my sister in every hole?

Bah.

We were here for that.

Tuck, you heard it.

Every, every, he said, fuck your sister in every hole.

That's fucking graphic.

I would never think of that one.

Fuck your sister in every hole.

That guy didn't sound very Arabic.

book yeah the hair loop he sounded like uh he sounded manchester manchesterish

fernando listen i want you to know first of all that i take things very seriously when it comes

to my health and the food that i eat you understand my body's a temple and i'm a machine

now i've asked i've come in several times and i've had to complain about the situation there

with the steaks coming out too rare and i understand that you're in charge of the back

Backstaff, you're the one that takes the fall when the ship goes down, right?

Well, who's this?

Your people hit another iceberg here with my steak, sir.

I didn't, I can't understand you.

I got a steak over there, and I ordered it medium well, and I came out full of blood.

Okay, did we get it back for you?

I refused it.

The woman got into an argument with me.

My wife got upset, walked out, and I had to leave.

One second, sir.

Let me tell you something.

We'll help you out.

Fernando.

Yeah, we were talking to a hair-lip guy from Manchester in Iran, apparently.

That was really weird.

But yeah, as we mentioned...

I tried to pick out his accent, but I couldn't really make it out.

That was an Iranian.

I asked him, though.

He's not.

He said he is.

Whatever.

Nunu is, uh, well, Lonesome Loser is getting UK numbers on behalf of Nunu.

Ryan Shawcross.

Now, Nunu, what is Ryan Shawcross?

What is a Ryan Shawcross, and what has he done?

Message me.

Post haste.

Nunu reminded me, we had discussed earlier

the week, to ask about buying tennis

gear close to the Homa

Hotel. This call was starting to get

a little goofy, but they keep putting me on hold

too much. A good call back.

Thank you for holding. This is Jackie, the general

manager. I was getting ready to hang up

and call back, sir, because I haven't been

put on hold so much, and I've been

demanding to speak to the chef, the head

chef in charge. He's the person that takes the

responsibility when it comes to

steak and food. I'm the general manager, sir.

That's nice, honey.

Can I speak to the man in charge there in the kitchen, please?

Happy to assist you.

I'm the general manager, so I've managed a whole restaurant.

That's nice.

So I will take full responsibility of everything.

That's nice, honey.

You just sit there and be pretty.

It's okay.

But go ahead and put Fernando on the phone again, please.

Sir, rudeness is not necessary at this point in time,

and he doesn't deal with any kind of guest complaints.

I'm more than happy to do so.

Well, who cooked my steak then?

Who's in charge of cooking back there?

Because this is the person I need to speak with.

We've got to get to the root of the problem, not dealing with red tape with women answering the phone wearing man pants.

Unnecessary.

I'm trying to assist you.

I'm on your side here.

But making derogatory comments about me because I'm a female is unnecessary.

Take off your man pants, woman.

Tell me what reservation you are on.

This is Valente, and I came with a party from Valente and Associates.

And for the fifth time, I've gotten the messed up order with this take.

I command you to apologize to me.

As a matter of fact, I want you to bring Fernando to the phone.

And I want him to say, I'm sorry, into the speakerphone.

Do you have speakerphone there, honey?

Oh, God.

Do you know how to use it?

Wow.

This is going well.

The bitch from White Maid Ketchup.

Rosie Perez.

This guy is all like Rosie Perez.

If she just had the New York accent, it would be perfect.

Rosie.

Beanie, where's my money, beanie?

Oh, it's a good movie.

Rosie Perez with those big, wow, like half-dollar-sized nipples, man.

There's tapas in that movie for a little bit.

Big-ass nips.

Big nips.

Oh, man.

Man pants.

That's what Howard Stern's been saying about Ellen DeGeneres for the last few weeks.

Athena's a fan of Ellen DeGeneres.

She fills up the DVR with her crap.

He's been a part of Ellen DeGeneres.

I don't know what's up with that.

Yeah, Howard was on CBS this morning bashing Jay Leno.

I got to hear the very end of it and the very beginning of it.

And every time, I either had to go into work or my lunch break was over.

I was so pissed off.

This is taking so long.

Last time I started saying I'd call back, and they picked up.

So let's talk about that.

Maybe I should call back.

Damn, didn't work.

I'm real late to go on Seneca.

No, no, no, no, come on.

This guy, this chick, this broad, she's getting upset.

She's getting upset, man.

Yeah, we'll leave it on hold here.

We'll play the music high.

Hopefully we should come back.

I gotta get on Seneca.

Cool down, yeah, she's a little upset.

Excuse me.

She didn't say it like that, but...

Now this could only happen...

There's a man, Frank Sinatra.

I think next week we'll do a Frank Sinatra night, Tuck and Kokanee.

I think I'll load them up.

Frank Sinatra night.

All right.

Yeah, that's different, right?

Yeah, different, right?

Yeah.

This is Ted Song.

Who are you holding for?

I'm holding for the head chef man in charge.

Who am I speaking with, and why are you answering me?

This is the regional manager.

My name is Kim.

That's nice, honey.

This is Valente.

I need to speak to the chef, please.

There's a gentleman there who I was working with before.

The chef passed your phone call along to me.

That's nice, honey.

Can I speak to your gentleman?

Could you not call me honey, please?

What's your name, sir?

This is Valente.

Valente is your first name?

That's right, sweetie.

Okay, please don't call me sweetie.

And what can I help you with tonight?

I'm a little upset that I've come in for the fifth time,

and the steak is coming out in an inappropriate state of being cooked incorrectly,

blood coming from the steak when it's been ordered medium well.

And listen, this is disgusting.

You know what it looks like to me?

You know, I used to follow a strict diet regimen where you had to eat the food

and it's absolutely not supposed to be raw because it's,

I'm not going to mention it, but there's certain passages in the Bible.

I don't know if you have a Bible there.

I always have a Bible with me in my house, in my vehicle.

I even have a small Bible I bring with me sometimes

when I know I'm going to be sitting waiting for to see the doctor

or to play the lottery in the gas station or something like that.

So what is this?

What is your name?

My name is Kim Owens.

Okay, Big Kim.

So my deal here, what I don't like is the fact that I was talking directly with a person

who I feel needs to make these corrections for when I come in

and hopefully this doesn't happen a sixth time.

And now all of a sudden I'm being talked to by women over there

that are telling me that I can talk to them

that are refusing to put me through to the person who messed up my steak.

I just want to have a conversation with him because I want to teach him.

I want to teach Fernando over there how it is you're supposed to make the steak.

Well, Fernando, quite frankly, was feeling rather disrespected

because you were yelling, as was the general manager,

and I happened to be in town this evening, so she passed your call along to me.

I happen not to yell at anybody until I sort of get in the runaround from that lady.

I never raise my voice to Fernando, and if he's saying that, then someone is lying,

and I have a feeling it might be you making up stories right now,

trying to dissuade me from the situation, sweetie, and I don't appreciate it.

Again, sweetie.

Okay, hon.

I don't appreciate this, sweetie.

Well, you know, how many other, what are you, a regional manager, your assistant to the regional manager?

No, I'm the regional manager.

Is there a man above you somewhere that I can talk to that happens to be there?

My CEO is the man that's above me.

Well, good.

He's the only person that's above me.

Does he happen to be in there coincidentally?

No, he's not here tonight.

Seems to me like I'm speaking to some random woman who's working there who wants to impersonate that she's wearing the man pants here and is a regional manager.

Right, the regional manager just happens to be in there Tuesday night.

Well, I happen to live in Las Vegas, so yes, I happen to be here on a Tuesday night.

Ridiculous.

You obviously do live in Las Vegas, and you're obviously new money.

I don't know what any of this means.

You don't know what new money is?

When you're ready to tell me what the issues are and speak to me in a respectful manner,

in the manner that I'm speaking to you in, then we can talk.

So you can give me a call any time.

That's nice, honey.

Do you want to write down my phone number?

I don't know why you'd want me to call you back.

I am a woman.

Well, once you calm down, you can call me back.

I'm very calm.

You're the one that's not calm.

Well, pass this number on to the man in charge of things over there.

Well, I will give him your information,

but I'm quite sure that you're not going to get a phone call from him.

Then I'll call back in.

Where can I call him at?

Where is he at?

You can leave a message for him here.

No, where's the corporate headquarters?

What's your address? Valente?

Valente is all you need. Valente.

I'm with Valente and Associates, yes.

And I happen to be a CEO myself of Valente and Associates in Oklahoma City.

and I don't have a habit of coming.

I come here once a month to handle business

and every time I come here

and I get the most substandard steak

from apparent immigrants

or something that was going on here

with these people that work here

named Fernando and Gonzalez.

But now you're speaking offensively about race.

I'm Hispanic, sir.

I'm not going to put up with it.

Why don't you give me your phone number

and you can call me back

whenever you calm down

and stop racial slurs

and feminine slurs

toward everyone on my team here.

I'm not going to tolerate it.

What is your phone number, Valente?

405.

No, wait a minute.

Yeah, 405-6.

That's a new number.

6-6-

Okay, great.

And listen, honey, you just sit there and be pretty

and make sure you get that message out to the CEO as you said, honey.

Okay, sweetie?

Yeah, okay.

Thank you, baby.

All right.

Bye-bye.

That's a firecracker right there.

Wow.

That's the worst it's ever gotten on this show.

With me and my billeting women.

She fell for the hook, line, and sinker.

Oh, yeah, your old grandfather coming down.

Oh, dude, I hooked her.

I hooked her big time.

She fell for the hook, line, and sinker.

More firecrackers.

Nenu said call her baby, darling, and sweetheart, and sweet tits.

You're right, I forgot sweet.

Sweet tits might have been too much.

Just a little too smart.

I did call her man pants.

I like that.

That's a funny thing I'm going to say from now on.

I'm going to ask women when they're in position and stuff like that.

I'm going to ask if they're just because they have their man pants on.

Oh, man.

All right, I was working on getting anything on Syndicate, but it's dragging here.

So, can I rock in for you?

I'll try again.

Give me a second.

I'm having a big donation.

Oh, it's there.

That's not supposed to be on.

I'm going to be in trouble here if I don't get them ten minutes late.

What's that one for you, then?

Oh, it's my computer.

Hey, jerk.

You're going to get me in trouble with Dino on that, man.

What's wrong with you?

You practically own the show now.

No, seriously, though.

I know.

It's my fault because of the PC.

It's a new setup for the PC.

It's got a new operating system on here.

How do I know that Stick'Em is Windows Server 2008 compatible?

It might not be.

There's a lot of stuff that isn't, I learned.

There's a lot of stuff you can't put on server.

Yeah, I guess I can't even get Stick'Em on my OSX.

Listen, I've had a small 300 gig for the Madhouse.

I use it for Madhouse only.

It's a 300 gig external hard drive that I run Madhouse.

It backs up Madhouse automatically, everything.

thing so in case anything ever happens i can just grab it and go and it keeps a little centralized

it's like a double copies it keeps a copy of the hard drive in the pc in the server pc anyway

it's a western digital my book it's supposed to be like a home edition and it wouldn't fucking

load up i had to hack the damn thing to get it to load up and server away because western digital

is like oh well if you have a server pc you must not be a home user you must be a business user

so you need to buy the business you know fucking version of the external hard drive that's like

like, $300 or something like that.

I'm like, what?

I found a way around that.

I didn't really hack it.

I just had to go into the registry and change a key.

And then do something else in disk management.

I don't know, some bullshit.

Control panel.

You're like, ah.

Well, good for you.

Yeah.

You didn't even know that shit.

That's a nice Mac, boy.

Are you going to get one of those Mac pads?

iMac pads?

iPads?

Uh, not for me and my mom, maybe.

Yeah, yeah.

For old people to work for.

It's for your mom.

Mom, it's for your grandmom.

It's for your mom.

That's where it all really war.

Your mom.

All right, hang on.

Try and syndicate again.

Your mom, too.

Your mom's going to be, Carlitos.

I know she's got the book.

I just get, I just book.

I was thinking about these pranks that we could do.

There's a website out there.

It's called, is it chatroulette.com?

Oh, yeah.

I heard about this.

I was thinking about going on there and doing a show and just fucking with people.

I'm going to give it a shot right now, actually.

It'll be like just a quick in and out.

I don't know where I've been typing this whole time

It's only like a few seconds or something

Fuck balls

Give me a second

Let me just take that break here

You know what, what time is it, 11.13

I'm going to pass on syndicate

I'm not feeling it anymore dude, I'm tired

Did Lonesome Losers send anything else here that was pertinent

Well they sent in UK numbers

God dang it, I'm going to call UK

I can't not call the UK

What did R.D. Shawcross do

Oh yeah, someone's in the bitch

Someone in the chat room

Brian Shawcross is a football player

Who goes around breaking other players legs

Big dirty bastard

Tell him to be more careful

Ask how he would like it if someone broke his leg

Good point, let's do that

It's not typing anything in here

Fuck me

Damn keyboard isn't working

Hey, hello

Yes, hi, let me speak with Shawcross now

Who's that?

This is Valente

I'm calling from Lloyds of London

He's been breaking legs

That's right, Lloyds of London

London. Who's this? I'm calling from Lloyd's of London. He's been breaking my client's legs.

Who is? Your husband. What are you talking about? He's been breaking other people's legs and I want

him, I'm going to bring him up on charges. I'm bringing him up on charges. What? Your husband

is. This is Valente. I represent several people from Lloyd's of London. They're football players.

He's been breaking their legs. What are you talking about? Get out of here, woman. Put the

man on the phone, please, honey. Go ahead, honey. It's okay, honey. I said it's okay,

Hey, honey, you can put them on now.

Thank you, honey.

He's not saying what you're talking about.

You've got the wrong number.

I need to speak to the man of the house.

I don't need to speak to a woman.

You can't speak to a man in the house.

What are you doing?

Down in the morning.

No?

So just women over there at this time?

Do you stay up at night and not do your work like you're supposed to?

Be sleeping, working with the man in the bed, attending to the man and his needs?

Huh?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Do you attend to your man's needs?

What are you talking about?

Do you know the carnal pleasures of carnalness?

I don't know what you're talking about, mate.

Do you know what carnal is?

Have you ever heard of being carnal before?

Eh?

Have you ever heard of being carnal?

Listen, think about it, think about it.

Just sound it out with me.

Carnal, carnal.

What do you think it means?

What about that?

What do you think it means, carnal?

Think about it.

What do I think it means?

You tell me what it means.

You know, it means when you're with a man, with your husband.

What about, so what if I'm, you know,

It's got nothing to do with you or I'm with...

No, sure it is.

It has a lot to do with me, your husband and you,

and being carnal with each other.

It's important to me about you and your husband being carnal.

Carnal knowledge...

Don't mean it again.

I'll try not...

Oh, you know what?

I will.

I won't.

I really won't.

I'm a pussy.

I do what she says.

Carnal knowledge, everybody.

Sorry I'm late, Syndicate, but I'm here.

I made it.

I made it, Syndicate.

I made it.

Oh, finally.

Yeah.

Good.

I'll give them a full show now

I'll give them a full show

I'll put my ass on the camera

Inside the ass

Inside my camera

There's a full show

I'll take a shit

I'll shit the camera out of my ass

That'll be my show for Syndicate

I'll shove a camera in my ass

And I'll shit it out

And I'll use the

I'll use the USB mic on the camera too

That's what you'll hear

Shitting out of the camera

I don't know who I'm calling

I got some number here copy pasted

I don't know who I'm calling

Hippie the Clown

Shut up

Alright, ain't gonna work

Hippie the Clown is going straight to voicemail

The phone has died or they're on the phone with someone else already

Speak easy

Liquor and market

or we could call somebody back calling about this macbooks i'm going to call the earlier tonight uh

about a half hour before the show someone texted about the macbooks that were placed on craig's

list using the mouth line the 405 39 mouth line that we use here now and the uh fucking uh guy

was asking for these macbooks that we're saying that we're selling because we have to i have to

move and he's asking how many and i said uh i got five spaces he's like five spaces that's funny

Let's call him.

Get his phone number too.

Go crazy with him.

Talking about spaces.

Any chance RBCP would be interested in starting his show early?

That'd be awesome.

RBCP.

You're

sitting in those macbook spaces yeah how much

What's going on over there?

Are you colored?

Yeah, you're colored.

I need to know for the application.

Yes.

You're colored?

Oh.

We don't have any MacBooks.

Where'd you get this number from, sir?

What the fuck are you talking about?

No, if you're colored, we don't have MacBooks for colored people, for coloreds.

What?

I said we don't have...

Hello?

Because about a year ago, we had a colored guy come in here for a MacBook.

We were selling for $299 with some software.

And he ended up stealing some other stuff

And brandishing a weapon

No because you're colored

Like it doesn't matter that you're black

But you're colored

Yeah you can

Did you want to meet in public

You guys in the studio

Well I had fun with that

That was kind of weird

Unless all the colors

Yeah good point Corrupt Corruption

Go suffer Corrupt Corruption

It's not even April yet

Those crazy coloreds

Corrupt Corruption I think wins the night

With one gold star

unless we start giving them out all of a sudden.

Colored does sound weird.

We had a Colored show a few weeks ago.

Well, it was released finally a few weeks ago.

We called it The Colored.

I titled it The Colored Show

because they kept bringing up Colored.

I'm asking RBCP to relieve me early.

That's what she said.

I wonder what that guy does in the studio.

She called him back and I really dumbed like,

yo, is this MC Dog, yo?

CEO, yo?

All right, people.

I'm trying to get Brad to take over here, RBCP,

because I am way too tired.

I'm like, I've done this,

Like, normally on a regular, you know, when we're on Thursday nights, I just end the show right now, literally.

I would call an executive decision as I call on and end it.

But I don't want to just leave open air, you know, for 30, 40 minutes while a phone loser tries to make a, well, you know, on the phone loser station.

One manhouse dollar equals one billion billion shillings.

Our recipe's ready.

Our recipe, all right, cool, let's end the show.

I want to thank, you know, let's call Milkman first and see what's happening to him.

I'm going to call him, that crazy old bastard.

I've got to find his number here.

Here we go.

Make sure I turn that down.

Make sure no one can hear it.

There we go.

Oops.

Whoops.

That wasn't...

We were just calling

Matt Carter.

Ah, yeah.

I guess we...

Now that we made

a big mistake there,

let's go ahead

and end the show.

Thank you, everybody,

for tuning in tonight.

This is Matt...

Thank you guys

for editing

the podcast.

It's posted from now.

No, I'll leave that

in the podcast.

I don't care.

There you go, guys.

Have fun with that.

He doesn't answer

that phone anyway.

I don't think he does.

If that's him calling back in, don't tell him what we did.

That's a 481 area code.

Is that someone we pranked tonight?

Because if not, I'm not going to answer it.

I'm going to bed.

All right, RBCP's taking over now.

This has been Madhouse Radio for March the 2nd.

What happened to the song we were just listening to?

Jesus.

RBCP's taking over here now, as soon as we go off the air, on Cacti Radio.

If you're going to be angry with me that I'm ending the show early, then just flip on over there.

As a matter of fact, as I always say, you're commanded, if you're listening to Madhouse Radio now,

you're commanded to go over to cactiradio.com, get off the mouse stream, temporarily only,

until he's done, and you go back to where you were.

Don't make me angry.

It's been a good show.

We had a good time, right, Tuck?

We didn't do that bad.

Yeah, this is for just a month.

Perhaps.

And then, please put it in your books there in the archives.

Yeah.

And, yeah, especially the fact that less than 24 hours ago,

I was in the process of still reformatting this server PC.

I recovered really fast.

And yes, Mikey129, we did revisit the Croatian-Italian.

And we have been called the UK, so Nunu can't get too mad.

Sounds pretty good, too.

All right.

We're out of here.

Thank you, everybody.

Catch you next week.

MadhouseLive.com, TuckerMike.com.

Night, everybody.

Kisses.

Crazy fucker asking if, what?

Did Siegel shit on my shirt?

You know what?

Asshole.

I listen to the fucking Alex Jones podcast all the time.

Hurry up and call back in, crazy fucker, because he calls in the Alex Jones radio show,

and he makes it on the podcast sometimes

and it's hilarious as shit whenever he does.

And he's heard him a few times

and he listens to his podcast pretty regularly, I think.

And he'll tell me, yeah,

Grizzly Booker called Alex Jones' radio show again.

And I'll listen to it.

It's really funny.

That might make Alex Jones actually listenable for once.

Hello.

Hey, Carlito.

You got to be quick, man.

Okay, man.

Like, you just came on Syndicate about five minutes ago.

Yeah, but I'm tired, man.

man. I've had eight hours of sleep in the last 72 hours or so. Okay, but check this out, man. For

the last couple hours, it's been the Billy Mira show on here. Is it better? What is it, crazy

fucker? What do you think? Man, there's no such thing as good or bad or better or worse. There's

only what is, man. Billy Mira's a disrespectful asshole is what he is, and I don't like him.

Well, man, that's like, we only heap hot coals upon ourselves. We only heap hot coals upon

upon ourselves whenever we judge somebody else because all we're doing is looking in the cosmic

mirror of our own temporal little brains right right i mean everything is a fucking illusion

right carlito yeah you got a point man and who even and who freaking name name something on this

planet that is not an illusion i will ask you sir i will give you a billion dollars if you can tell

Tell me one thing on this fucking planet that is not an illusion.

The orgasm.

That's the biggest illusion of them all, man.

That's the biggest illusion of them all.

The orgasm is the biggest illusion of them all.

All right.

Why so?

You don't have them?

Well, listen to me.

I'll tell you why.

It's because everything is an illusion.

I mean, how long does an orgasm last?

About five minutes.

Three?

Five?

Wow.

Well, geez, dude, if you have an orgasm that lasts five minutes, really, I'll fucking, man, you're like some...

It's easy.

It's easy to do it.

You're a fucking, man, I'm telling you.

No, I read it.

I read online.

It tells you you can do it.

You have to, there's a certain way that, all right.

Right, right.

That's called tantric yoga.

And that's just another form of the prison that they're putting down on the people to keep them distracted from what really matters in their life.

And that's love, peace, and joy.

No, you just touch the taint.

You just have to massage the taint.

And you lift your kegel muscles back and forth.

Really?

Yeah, try it.

The taint?

And your kegel muscles, you have to lift them back and forth.

I keep raising them up and down, and you can keep it going.

Right, well, yeah, yeah.

But isn't that an illusion, too?

Isn't your Kegel muscles and isn't our existence on this planet really an illusion?

Like, we think it's real because we're in the meat realm, right?

It's like we've, like, conscripted certain species to die,

but we think that we're the ultimate fucking species, right?

Yeah, we think we're on top of everything.

What right do we have?

We think we're on top of the food chain, right?

What right do we have, crazy fucker?

Okay, I'll tell you what.

But here's a little quick story by Native American Indians.

It's called The Bird and the Worm and the Man.

All right, go.

The bird eats the worm, and then the man eats the bird, and then the worm eats the man.

The worm doesn't eat the man.

The worm's too small to eat.

Yeah, when you die, brother, the worm's going to eat your ass, unless you're fucking incinerated.

That's the only thing you can give.

The only thing you can give to the planet Earth is your shit and piss and your body when you die.

to let the other living life firms found you that are on a level from a molecular level

all the way up to the great whales that should swim in the ocean.

Oh, by the way, Carlito, you're down there in fucking Florida.

Was you at SeaWorld when that whale, the killer whale ate the handler?

No, I wasn't, sir. No, sir.

But you was close by, right?

I'm in Orlando. That's right.

All right, everybody, we're going.

Thanks, crazy fucker, for calling.

Now, wait, wait, Carlito, can I say one thing about that?

Now, it's your and my duty to take the Bush-Obama global terrorist crime cartel

and arrest them, and let's let the whales and the dolphins go back to the ocean,

and let's put the global terrorist Bush-Obama terrorist crime cartel in the sea world

as a temporary holding facility for international terrorists, okay?

Kick ass.

Good night, everybody.

Thank you.

Calls (16, 1 h 24 min of 2 h 11 min)

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