Get Off, Piss Off

I will find you, and I'll fuck your mother.

I told you.

I swear I don't know if I'll find you.

Don't make me find you, otherwise I'll kill you.

I'll fuck your sister in every single hole she has.

I will find you, and I'll try to make you say you this.

If you don't say this again to me in my face when I find you, I'll kill your mother.

Now, last time I didn't find you, now I will find you, okay?

That's horrible.

Wait and see.

Why would you say that?

Wait and see, you fucking cunt.

Nigga town, what is that, you white trash?

Who the fuck is this?

motherfucker who is this you are listening to the madhouse radio podcast

hey god and baby jesus good evening everybody good afternoon whatever i keep saying evening

look at that whenever i reach to turn the mic on my big fat hand gets in the way

love fat hand love and the love hello monkeys madhouse radio is back carlito i am key is

center are you i'm back week weekend july july taking a shit in a second because my voice sounds

Sounds different.

Good, different, bad.

I don't know.

I've been working on my throat.

I've been getting voice lessons.

I got a before cleaning.

Two weeks ago, before we started the show again,

actually, I did have some surgery on my throat.

My tonsil's taken out.

The doctor said that I might lose, you know,

some part of my voice might be different.

Maybe that's what's going on.

Does it sound much different, Tuck?

I don't know if you can see the scars still,

but it has scars.

Um, don't know.

It's good.

You're all right.

Tonsillectomepidectomy.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

I hope you're all ready for some prank calls.

That's right, Lonesome Loser joining us

Thankfully, luckily, he is available today

And I almost didn't do his show because I've got a killer headache

I think my sugar is high

But Lonesome was like, hey, Lonesome, I'm back

I'm Lonesome Loser, I'm back

And I'm like, Lonesome Loser, yay

So yeah, we've got to do his show

As Milkman would say if he was still alive

He would say that he's the numbers hitman

Of course, Milkman is no longer with us

Where is he? Is he like on the lam or what?

Milkman passed away

It's one of the major reasons why I stopped doing the show

I didn't feel it was right doing this show.

Who did NOT pass away?

Milkman passed away. I'm telling you.

You're lying now. You're lying now.

You wouldn't know. Let's call his phone number.

You're full of crap.

You're a pranker.

You say a bunch of bullshit.

If Milkman hasn't passed away, I challenge him to call in right now.

I stand affirmed.

Uh oh.

He would call in right now if he was still alive, don't you think?

He'd be like, oh man, let me get on the phone.

If that didn't strike me down,

he's dead and I'm alive.

Oh my, and I better call Carlito.

Yeah, anyway.

No, he's busy.

He's working or something.

I don't know.

I'm not friends with him anymore.

We're not friends anymore.

We don't like each other anymore.

What else can I say?

Okay, we got numbers coming in from Lonesome Loser.

We're going to get to those, of course.

I've got some...

I got out of here, out of the local...

Have you heard about the Lonesome Loser?

I got the local free newspaper,

and they always put in these gay hookup lines

and locals singles hookup lines and a bunch of these got 30 minutes free and i tested it over

the week on monday on my way to work i called one and there was this lady from the ghetto on there

black lady i was talking all stupid i was like yeah where are you from and she's like what it's

like where were you from bad part of town slack isn't a lot of darkness in her soul oh she got

mad she went off on me it's like what the fuck i bet you won't come down to nigga town motherfucker

I won't.

It was fun.

It was a good time.

So I say we try to call the gay one.

I didn't call that one.

And I got the singles one also we can call later.

This one is called Get Him On The Line.

You and the gay chat.

Here's the ad that I found.

Where is it?

I don't know what to tell you.

If you're watching on video, you see the picture of apparently a bear homosexual.

A bear style homosexual.

It says Get Him On The Line.

Get him on the line.

All right, let's get him on the line.

Free trial.

Let's do it.

Free trial.

It's got a free trial code and everything.

How do you use Skype again?

I don't know.

You open Skype and I don't know.

You have 60 minutes remaining. Your free trial will expire in 7 days.

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What did I hit for the live connector?

God dammit.

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Yeah, this is cross.

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So here are a few tips to help you record one that really works.

To skip these steps, press any key.

When you're ready to record, speak clearly and keep it positive.

Describe yourself briefly and say exactly what you're looking for.

friendship dating a fling the more specific you are the more likely you'll

get the type of responses you want try including conversation starters like

what you like to do for fun your best features and some of the things you're

looking for in a guy please don't leave your greeting blank and to maintain your

privacy don't include personal contact information like your phone number your

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a new one when you're ready to begin recording press one to hear a sample of record after the

tone hit any key when you're done hi this is cross i'm a latino guy new in town i'm like 28 years old

and i'm hot i uh i work at a law firm and i'm looking to hook up i got like nine and a half

inches cut latino and get a hold of me i'm in shape i got a body weight height proportionate

and everything thanks if you're happy with your greeting press one hear how it sounds press two

re-record it hi this is cross i'm a latino guy new in town i'm like 28 years old and i'm hot

i uh i work at a law firm and i'm looking to hook up i got like nine and a half inches cut latino

and get a hold of me.

I'm in shape.

I got body weight, height, proportionate, and everything.

Thanks.

If you're happy with your greeting, press 1.

Hear how it sounds, press 2.

Rerecord it, press 3.

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To repeat, there are 21 men in the live connector.

This is a great place to make an initial connection with someone new,

but we assume no responsibility for personal meetings.

Remember, if you hear a guy you're not interested in, you can block him so you won't hear each other by pressing 7.

And if you hear something really inappropriate, pressing 7 again will report him to the moderator.

Very high-balling, sexy man, straight fan, straight acting, frequent at the shoot.

I'm allowed to be naked all the time. Matter of fact, I'm naked right now.

I just rubbed on my big cock.

In the outfit, just kind of love to get fucked.

Oh, wow.

You're naked now.

To connect live with this caller, press 1.

Send a message, press 2.

Next greeting, please record your invitation for this caller to join you in a private conversation.

Record after the tone.

Hit any key when you're done.

Yeah, I'm naked right now, too, just sitting around watching Judge Judy,

and I thought maybe he might want to talk or hang out or hook up or something.

Let me know.

To accept your recording, press 1.

Try again.

Please hold while he listens to your connection request.

You can cancel your request at any time by pressing the pound key.

This is the best prank call since KDK was on.

He was on?

He was on here?

Probably.

They're listening to your request right now.

Please hold a moment for their response.

Uh-oh.

He liked what he heard, and he's ready to connect with you.

You're connected.

You can break the connection at any time by pressing the pound key.

Say hi.

Hi.

How you doing?

Hi, who's this?

This is T. Who is this?

This is Cross.

I'm so good.

I'm all right.

So what part of town are you in?

Las Vegas.

That's cool.

I'm in Vegas, too.

How old are you?

I'm 26.

How old are you?

26.

How old are you?

Do you understand when I'm talking like with my accent? Yeah, cuz I got an you know, I don't have the same accent you do

Okay, that's cool. So what do you get into? Do you like water sports or anything like that? You like water sports?

Yeah, what do you like to dress up like are you naked right now?

That's cool. So you want me to come over what part of town you in? Oh, maybe I'll come by

Yeah, it's like nigger town, right

What is that, you white trash?

No, it's like where there's a lot of Negroes out and stuff, right?

Like one of those dangerous places.

Hey, boy, you cannot escape me.

I'm a Catholic priest.

Your connection has ended.

To continue, press 3.

Add this member to your hot list.

Press 4.

Man, you had a good thing going.

You had a fucking up with your old racist party mouth.

To continue, press 3.

Add this member to your...

Hey, what up, dude?

I'm here in Las Vegas.

Just looking to see if there's a line.

To connect, please record your invitation for this caller to join you in a private conversation.

Record after the tone.

Hit any key when you're done.

Hey, man, I really want to talk.

I got the whole weekend off, and I just came into my private jet,

and I'm looking to spend some money downtown over at the Strip.

I got about $10,000 budgeted for the weekend,

so I was looking to see maybe find some dudes to hang out with.

If you want to come out, maybe get some ice creams or something.

Let me know.

Here's how it sounds.

press 1 to accept please hold while he listens to your connection request you

can cancel your request at any time by pressing the pound key all right so

they're looking at your request right now please hold a moment for their

response there's a midget the midget convention I'm just gonna send in that

information we're gonna do some wake-up calls to Australia also all Germany let

them know how funny it is losing to them right now has replied to your connection

Hey, what I do, I'm just looking for a quick fuck, you know, are you a top or a bottom?

Hey man, yeah, it's me again, so yeah, I just flew into town, so I'm totally into, you know, quick fucking sessions, I like fucking, I think it's time for fuck right now, myself, it's what is it, like 118?

it's definitely time for fuck so yeah i'm a i can be a total power bottom or power top i'm versatile

so whatever you need um i like that uh i like to buy gifts and stuff you like colognes i like to

buy stuff you know and uh whatever so if you want to maybe you know do it now if you're ready for

fuck let me know hit um hit the line that fuck here's how it sounds press one please hold while

he listens to your connection request you can cancel your request at any time by pressing the

pound key this is fun but it takes too long for this they're listening to your request right now

please hold a moment for their response it's a long setup time man yeah this will need anything

in the podcast yeah has replied to your connection request this message queer hey you sound

really good um but downtown or the strip is kind of far for me so i was kind of looking for someone

I don't know if you leave me your number.

Maybe I can call you and see if we can hook up, like,

maybe tomorrow morning when I get my chance, you know?

To connect live with this caller, press 1.

Record after the tone.

Hit any key when you're done.

You know what?

You're a fucking shithead.

You're wasting my fucking time.

And you sound ethnic.

And I really think you should apologize for making me wait this long

to try to have fuck with you.

And I think maybe we should meet up

and you should maybe give me a few bucks for wasting my time and my minutes on this line.

Here's how it sounds. Press 1 to accept at any time.

You know, you're a fucking shithead. You're wasting my fucking time.

And you sound ethnic and I really think you should apologize for making-

Please hold while he listens to your connection request.

You can cancel your request at any time by pressing the pound key.

They're listening to your request right now. Please hold a moment for their response.

That caller isn't ready to connect live at this time.

waste of time

what was that noise?

has sent you this message

hey que onda so what part of Vegas are you calling from?

que onda?

let me know

to connect live with this caller press 1 send a message press 2

please record your invitation for this caller to join you in a private conversation

record after the tone hit any key when you're done

hey papi I'm on the strip right now I just flew in I got off my private jet but I got a car rented and everything

so I'm willing to travel or I'll pay for you to get a ride down here if you want

I got plenty of money, so let me know if you want to make time for fuck.

Here's how it sounds.

Time for fuck.

That caller has left the line.

What a fuck.

Asshole.

Has sent you this message.

Where are you calling from?

To connect live with this caller, press 1.

Send a message.

Please record your invitation for this caller to join you in a private conversation.

Record after the tone.

Hit any T when you're done.

Yeah, I'm calling from the strip.

I just flew in.

I just got off my private jet.

I'm in the room right now

And I got a vehicle that I can call

To take me wherever

Or if you want I can send a car for you

I got plenty of money

And I'm just looking for fuck

So let me know if you can make time for fuck

Here's how it sounds

Please hold while he listens to your connection request

These guys are real picky aren't they

Except for the black guy

They're listening to your request right now

Please hold a moment for their response

I'm gonna play that

I'm gonna get my emulator uploaded after the show

So I'm going to open up my emulator.

I'm going to play that pool game, man.

It's like Masters of Pool Baiters or something.

He liked what he heard, and he's ready to connect with you.

Yes.

You're connected.

You can break the connection at any time by pressing the pound key.

Say hi.

What's up?

Hey, what's up?

I'm in San Diego.

Oh, that's cool.

I can send a ride for you.

How long does it take to get out there?

About an hour.

About an hour to San Diego?

Yeah, you have to come down here.

Now, I can send an Escalade for you if you want.

Well, I can't stay overnight or...

All right, so I'll meet you out there, then.

Like, where in San Diego is that?

Vista.

Yeah?

You ever do any fisting?

Yeah.

I mean, did you fist a guy or did you get fisted?

I got fisted.

Oh, would you be into maybe fisting a guy?

You want to get fisted?

Yeah.

I mean, do you know how?

How do you do it?

I don't understand.

Do you just one finger at a time or do you just punch it really hard?

One finger at a time you do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, the one time I tried to do it a few weeks ago, and I was in Thailand,

and I had the guy bend over, and then I punched him.

Like, I tried to do it all at once, and it knocked him.

Yeah, you can't do that.

Well, it knocked him out.

You can't do that.

It knocked him out, and then we had to, like, get rid of his body and everything.

I had to fly back.

Like, I had to cancel my trip and everything.

And I haven't heard back since, and I'm pretty sure it's cool now.

What do you think?

The other caller is temporarily busy.

Please hold for a moment.

Your connection ended because the other caller hung up.

To continue, press 3.

Add this member to your hot list.

Press 4.

I'm hitting the buttons on the old phone.

That doesn't even work anymore.

Whoops.

It's the black guy again.

My big dick.

To connect live, please record your message.

Record after the tone.

Hit any key when you're done.

Hey, boy, yeah, I just want to make sure that you know

you got to get back to me and get me those papers.

Thank you.

Here's how it sounds.

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Never free! Never free!

Message delivered.

You have a message from a caller who's left the line.

Hey, yeah, I apologize for that.

You sound like a really poppy, cherry guy.

Sorry.

Skip this message.

Press 3.

What's that mean?

To repeat this message in menu choices, press 9.

What's that mean?

For information on using the connector,

you have a message from a caller who's left the line.

Hey, yeah, I apologize for that.

You sound like a really poppy, cherry guy.

Sorry.

Skip this message.

Press 3.

To repeat this message...

Bye, Puerto Rican man.

I'll try to get in good shape.

What a nice big dick.

That's me.

Please record your invitation for this caller

to join you in a private conversation.

conversation record after the tone hit any key when you're done yeah this is cross i'm puerto

rican too i'm new to town i just got in got off the plane a little bit ago just checked into my

room in the strip i don't know there was puerto ricans out here that's funny that's some shit

let me know if you want um i gotta rent a car i could get my driver to get me wherever or i could

send a car for you if you want got a lot of money uh i know if you're into lobster tail or anything

like that but maybe we can get something to eat and then you know do some fucking so if you're

down for fuck let me know press one for fuck thanks here's how it sounds press one please

hold while he listens to your connection request you can cancel your request at any time by pressing

the pound key look like we'll be pretty good at gay calls all right this is the last one i promise

i just i keep getting dragged into it each time this is the one's like full of like hispanics

and black dudes just like fucking please hold a moment for their response he liked what he heard

and he's ready to connect with you you're connected you can break the connection at

any time by pressing the pound key say hi hey guy hey what's going on man hey not much man where

you from in puerto rico you're from there you're just born here no the free portion of this call

has ended if you're already logged into your membership i wasn't an hour deducted from it

time is now being deducted from your membership hello oh it's been 20 minutes hello i'm sorry

it was giving me 20 minutes free and then it said that my free trial was up but it just fixed

itself it's cool i'm sorry the machine was talking to me the phone machine hey so what you're not

from puerto rico at all i'm from guaynabo no i'm from new york new york oh yeah i was out at

atlantic city not long ago that's kind of close to new york i drove through new york and everything

yeah yeah man so look i'm on vacation and shit my wife is back at home and the polka knows and

i'm in town and i'm looking you know so i mean are you down do you want me to send a car i

I could send a car for you if you want to chill.

I don't know.

You got a car?

What's your deal?

Yeah, I got wheels.

Definitely.

You know where the Bellagio is?

I'll tell you what.

Absolutely.

I'll tell you what.

I'm staying at the Bellagio all weekend, through the weekend.

Maybe if you want to come by.

I don't know.

Are you into fisting at all?

You ever try doing that?

Yeah, that's a little too much.

My ass isn't ready for that.

Oh, well, I mean, I know how because I learned the other day.

You have to do one finger at a time.

Right, right.

I didn't know it was like that at first.

you sound a little ethnic though absolutely okay that's cool i mean yeah so what do you get into

but um i'm a versatile top bottom sometimes you know not into kissing really a lot of body contact

you know man says i'm into like i'll get in my car and i'll see men in public and i'll ask you

know i'll pull over i'll tell them to come to the car and then i'll like i'll have a friend in the

car in the back seat and we'll open the door and we'll pull them in and we'll take them to like

maybe like a parking lot or like a wooded area and we'll just talk for a little bit and then

we return him back to where he's from okay have you ever done anything like that no i mean you

wouldn't be down for that nothing i'm pretty much open for whatever man but i'm saying i mean i've

got an escalade that they they got for me and i have a driver but i'll tell him just to give me

the keys it's cool i do this in different towns and stuff and then what you can do is you can

see in the back seat when i'll roll down the passenger window it'll be empty say hey man

man, come here real quick, and then when he comes up to the window, then you open your

door and just grab him and bring him in, and we'll say, look, you know, we're intervening,

and we want to talk to you, and we're going to read the Bible, whatever it may be, and

then we'll go to a parking lot, and then we have his way with him.

We fuck him.

Okay.

Hey, if he's down, hey, if he's with it, I'm with it.

Well, I mean, it's a spontaneity thing, you know, it's kind of like a social experiment

I do, just to see how the people react.

Okay.

Yeah, let's do it.

All right, that's cool.

I mean, I don't know if you're going to be nervous or anything, but...

Oh, I'm sure it'd be my first time.

I'd be a little nervous, but sure, I'd have to do it.

Okay.

Well, that's cool.

Well, it's always good to have an accomplice, you know.

In case that shit hits the fan and the chips get low, then I can maybe blame it on you or something.

Wow, check you out.

Well, I'm just saying.

I mean, you could do the same to me, and that way it's like we'll work together, you know.

You'll be my alibi, I'll be yours, and in the end, nothing's going to happen anyway.

I'm a lawyer, so.

Take down my number, you can give me a call myself.

Okay, what's your number is?

702-563.

9148

alright what was

your name

Gonzalez

no my name

is Mike

Mike Lopez

no

Martinez

Enriquez

my last name

no that's cool

I mean we'll

figure it out

I'll figure it out

but I will have to

I insist on seeing

ID when I see you

I'm going to run

a credit history

on you

and a criminal check

okay no problem

yeah go ahead

and give me a call

you got my number

right

yeah I got it

Jose

okay

alright buddy

I'll talk to you

later

yeah

bye

your connect to

continue

press 3

add this number

to your hot list

Press for this person has been added to your hot list. You have a message from a caller. Who's left the line

For information on using the connector press the start key to exit the live you've heard all your local callers

Now you'll hear callers from outside your area as well as new local callers as they come on

Alright, so we got a good what 20 minutes left on that the next time we decide to call cool

That was fun. That was the gay...

I guess so.

That was the gay line in Vegas.

Yeah, it was an experiment.

The gay experiment.

The gay experiment. The great gay experiment.

Please, thank you.

Okay, so we've got numbers in Australia here.

I still don't know what time it is over this check.

It's 4.37 a.m. in Western Australia, which is where we're going to be calling.

This is the area of kind of like Perth.

And we've got an E.B. and Z.L. Williams out there.

Let's give them a call and see what the what for is.

That headache is starting to come back again.

Beautiful.

Can Nunu give me a check on the soccer game or football, as you would call it, in British Queer?

Let me know if Germany is still losing or if they've lost already or what the fucking deal is.

Let me know, bitch.

Thank you.

the cost of this call is two cents per minute yeah hey good morning how you doing there big girl

oh i'm fine what are you ringing me for i'm just calling to you know just see how things were over

there i don't know it's uh i don't want to talk to you it's four o'clock in the morning you think

well i'm it's uh four o'clock in the afternoon hello all right it's calling back instant redial

via google i don't know it's long distance voip and and you know the cost of this call is

It's the phone switch and there's a little echo.

So wait a minute, Nunu.

They lost or they're losing?

Hello?

Yes?

Yeah, good afternoon.

How are you doing?

Good.

Good, good.

I'm hoping I didn't wake you up.

I understand it's a little later than it is now.

It's about 4.30 in the afternoon here where I am in the United States.

I'm calling you from Newark, New Jersey.

Right.

Okay, and I've traced some money down which appears to belong to you.

And I'm sure that you're interested in getting it back.

Is there a way that I can...

No, I don't think...

Do you have a fax machine on your telephone machine?

No.

No?

Do you have emails?

What is this money you're talking about?

It's some money that I found that's under your name, so I thought maybe I could give you part of it and, you know, use the rest as a fee for sending it to you and finding you.

A finder's fee, so to say.

No, thank you.

Not interested.

You're not interested in money?

I mean, what's your problem?

This is United States dollars.

United States dollars.

Hello, ma'am.

Fucking echo.

That is annoying.

Is it their line or is that a Skype thing or what?

i'd say it's a skype thing damn it germany lost one to zero ha ha the real europeans won

not those uh shiza eating perverts damn germans all right cool in that case it's called germany

right off the bat here and it called a fritz himmler let's see if he's related to joseph

himmler joseph himmler was a joe him joe him joseph himmler right no what was himmler the

the nazi himmler what was his last name it was joseph wasn't it heinrich heinrich himmler yes

that is right thank you google yeah yeah thank you the cost of this call is two cents per minute

deuce let me know how the video feed's working if you guys don't mind please i'm still fine

tuning everything dude this is our desk really occurs with g'day mate good eye hello hello

g'day how are you hi hey what's going on hey who is this this is carlos i'm calling from spain

Oh, no, you have a wrong number.

No, no, no, listen.

Germany lost to us.

I'm from Spain, and you lost to us.

So I want you to...

Oh, okay.

I want you to admit that you're...

Yeah, okay.

I want you to admit that you're an inferior nation,

and that you're Nazism.

Yeah, that's okay.

You know?

Yeah, that's okay.

May I speak with Heinrich, please?

Isn't this what they did to us yesterday?

Transfer us to fax machines?

No, it was a different show I was listening to.

That was last week.

Wasn't it last week?

Didn't someone keep transferring me to a fax machine or something?

Hey, that show, by the way, it's edited.

I edited it that Saturday, and I didn't get around to posting it to the podcast until this morning.

But it's up there, last week's show test show machine.

Yeah, I was listening to it when I was drawing earlier.

Oh, you were drawing? What were you drawing, titties?

No, the strip. I have a strip I got to get done.

You like to strip? Okay, that's cool.

Whatever, that guy in Vegas, he likes to strip naked, and he's naked right now.

This will be the guy now.

Hello?

No.

Where do I turn this off?

Whoops.

Still getting used to this.

Buzzard asking for the Angry Kebab Man, please.

Which one?

We've got so many of them, sir.

Angry Kebab Man.

Is it the new one that got posted?

The piss-off place?

I don't even remember.

I think that was a foreign country.

I think it was Dubai.

Again, what's going to happen now, huh?

Don't ring again, okay?

I already did, stupid.

And I'll do it again.

Don't ring again, okay?

My order right now.

Don't make a complaint.

Put me through to the...

I want to talk to a man.

I want to speak to your supervisor.

I want to talk to a man.

Where's your supervisor?

What?

Your supervisor.

What do you want to talk to him for?

Are you going to complain?

About your attitude.

Okay, hang on.

Yeah.

Eddie Garcia.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Eddie Garcia.

What's up, yo?

Hello?

Hello, this is Eddie.

Pardon?

This is Eddie, yo.

How are you doing?

Just a second.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

What you after?

This is Eddie.

Yeah, what?

Yo, you said you want to talk to a manager, yo.

What do you want?

Yo, this is your manager.

Yeah, don't bother me.

and don't call again, okay?

Well, fuck yourself,

you stupid asshole.

I'll piss off.

I'll do that right now.

You ready?

No, it doesn't.

Yeah, piss off.

I just did.

Okay.

Great.

What's with the reverse psychology?

All of a sudden,

the prank victims

are asking to talk to my manager.

I'm the one that says that all the time.

What the?

What, is it kind of stupid?

Yeah.

Listen.

This is Austin.

What?

Yeah, I know.

Listen, I called earlier.

Some woman was talking to me.

You know who that is?

Some who?

I talked to you, stupid, and this woman was talking to me.

It's sunshine kebabs.

What did you call?

I want to make an order for fucking kebabs and shit.

You want to do orders?

For fucking kebabs and shit.

Excuse me?

I want to make an order.

Yeah.

Can I make an order, please?

Okay.

It's sunshine kebabs.

What did you call?

What would you like?

I would like kebabs.

Kebab.

You have lamb meat.

Listen.

Stupid.

Monkey.

The small or large?

Large.

Excuse me?

Yeah.

You want a small or large?

Yes, monkey.

I want large, please.

Okay, you have to learn, finally, how can you speak, okay?

You don't need to be rude.

I'm not doing kebab for you, okay?

No, please.

Please, I'm hungry.

Please.

Okay, you can come there.

No, I'm sorry, asshole monkey.

I'm sorry, donkey.

Oh, man.

Oh, it's you again, huh?

Listen, I only speak to men.

Put the man on the phone again, please.

Okay.

He says unless you're coming in for a kebab, then he's not speaking.

I'm coming in, so put him on.

Tell him yes to put him on because I'm coming in.

He says okay.

Tell him that he's an asshole and get on the phone right now

or there's going to be trouble for you.

I'm talking to you, Missy.

You put him on the phone now or you are going to be...

You heard him back there.

He's getting...

Start the same music again.

All right, so that was Get Off, Piss Off.

That's from a show from last year.

And that was posted on the podcast today

Along with last week's episode

Alright, so, continuing numbers

That we have from Lonesome Loser here

Germany, where they just lost to Spain

So who is it now?

Spain and the Netherlands

You know, don't they have a history of fighting each other also?

I know that Spain and the Netherlands do have a history of fighting each other

Around the 1600s, 1700s?

I think

Didn't the Netherlands control Spain?

Or Spain controlled part of the Netherlands for a while there?

Pretty sure

We're going to call Andreas Goering. I'll be calling as, uh, what was Goering? Herman Goering, right?

Why, who thinks that?

Herman Goering, uh, I don't know. I forgot which one he was. He was one of them. He was one of the members of the Reich.

Herman Goering, he did something German and Nazi-ish back in the day.

Dirty Little Monkeys, what he is.

Oh, he ran, um, Hitler's, uh, operations.

Oh, did he? Was he the leader of the SS, or?

He was, I know he headed the Luftwaffe for a while. I don't know that much. I remember that.

He was head of the Luftwaffe for a brief period of time, or for a few years, but not the whole time.

I could be wrong.

Hello.

Achtung.

Hello.

Which one was that?

Himmler, right?

Yep.

No, no, no, it wasn't Himmler.

Goering.

Alright, here's another Goering.

Alex U. Renate Goering.

Alex U. Renate.

That's funny.

Axel, I mean.

Axel, then a middle initial U, then middle name Renate.

R-E-N-A-T-E Goering.

Get ahead to the mailbox in a little bit after the show.

I'm going to have to see if I got the DVD that RBCP sent with all the Phone Loser audio.

So I can load that in the server and add it to the rotation of the Shoutcast machine.

Talked to Dr. Lego.

He said he's interested in sharing his prank calls with us.

Talk, you're thinking about doing a new show, aren't you?

What's the plan with that?

You're going to call it Revolutuck again, you said?

Yeah, probably Revolutuck.

Who knows what we'll do after that.

Probably, um, I don't have any ideas, but it's kind of, um, about who, um, the person I want to do it with can get them to do it with or have the right equipment or everything.

Okay.

All right, cool.

That's cool.

Keep us posted.

I don't want to say too much because it might not happen.

Cool, you don't want to jinx things, but, yeah, you're welcome to use the shoutcast at any time, so just let me know and I'll make sure you got the info you need.

Um, Milkman is talking about...

Now, is it your shoutcast or is it Cacti?

It's cacti, but I'm running it.

I'm handling the server.

I mean, I'll run it.

Oh, okay.

I'm sure RBCP will be okay with it.

I'll run it by him.

So I'm talking to the right dude.

Yeah, yeah.

I run the rotation.

Yeah, RBCP, too.

I mean, he owns it.

I'm just, you know, I'm the worker bee.

I'm the worker bee, so.

But he lets us, you know, do our show here and promote our stuff over there,

and we want to make sure we cross-promote.

But, yeah, it's like if you, you know, love us.

That's cool.

Yeah, totally.

You can use our user.

I called a little bit of a show the other day.

Okay.

at it too checking out the stream seeing you know where it was on the thing and everything

i missed uh last night's yeah one last night and i missed it but i heard last week said his

had his kid 10 year old kid on there that's quite funny maybe i'll have a kid one day tuck

maybe we're talking about it athena and i and i think that's probably when i remember i kept

saying oh no i won't stop you are not doing the hey let's have a kid talk yeah we did yeah we did

we have been talking about that

you were not

yeah we're talking about

we're thinking about it

oh shit

we just talked about

the logistics of it

maybe we're ready

maybe we are

I don't know

oh god

I definitely want to be

in a better position

work wise

like I want to have

a better job

than what I got now

paying a little better

so

it won't be immediate

it won't be anytime

really soon

but if it were to happen

we'll be happy with it

also

thumbs up

yeah

we'll spend time with

thumbs up

I spent time with our nephews

a few weeks ago

when we did our trip up north

Oh no, she took you to visit nephew's? Dude, you're screwed.

Yeah.

Okay.

More prank calls.

Axel Urena Gering didn't answer, so we're going to do Fritz Himmler instead.

Actually, we talked to them already.

We'll do Gert.

Big Gert Himmler.

Hi, good morning.

This is Carlito.

I'm calling you from the FIFA World Cup administration.

You signed up for the automatic scores.

This is one that lets you know that Germany lost 1-0 to Spain, to the superior country,

Spain.

And that's all we get.

Not much there.

That's what I was going to do, though.

What's that?

They're not shitty, chatty kind of people.

Not really.

They're more into getting shit on.

Shitty shatty.

Da-na-na.

Dirty Germans.

I don't get it.

I don't either.

You ruined it.

Stupid.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Talk you want to do pranks, just let me know.

I can add you in on Skype mighty easily.

Talking about having a conference show here on a Saturday night.

Next week or two we might have a conference show.

Oh, that'd be fun, yeah.

I get you on there.

I'd like to call Ted, see if we can get Ted on it.

Maybe Jen.

I'm sure RBCP might be interested

I mentioned it to him

Yeah, and whoever else out there

Wants to do it for the old school

Reclute said he'd be interested also

You know, from the old school

The old school crowd, yeah, definitely

Maybe we'll even get KDK on, you know

I understand he skips a lot of shows

You never know, never know

Anything can happen

Anything can happen on Madhouse Radio

Australia even, call him

The cost of this call is

Two cents per minute

We got Pit Mac Productions.

A black guy answered there in San Diego.

What do we call the gay guy?

Hello.

Hello, how are you doing, sir?

Good afternoon.

Who are you calling from?

This is Valente.

I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois, here in the United States from the FIFA Sports...

Well, didn't I have 7 a.m. in Australia?

Yeah, I know.

I got a notification here.

We were supposed to let you know that Germany lost 1-0 in the World Cup game

and Spain advances to take on the Netherlands.

And I got you signed up.

Well, I didn't want to know that.

Okay.

Well, you're signed up for alerts, sir.

and you need to accept you need to press one to accept or it's going to keep calling you

automatically with those updates hello i told him hang on let's call him back tell him wait a minute

that's a black guy hang on let's call him pimp black productions wrong guy it's called perth

two cents per minute took you watch that uh hbo miniseries the pacific while we're off on break

on hiatus that was good started off week we got really good hello yeah mr jones listen i keep

keep trying to tell you if you need to opt out if you don't want these calls the system just

calls you automatically with i don't want to be cool this time of day thank you well there's

baseball scores too also that you're supposed to get unless you opt out oh all right let me try

them again one more time he doesn't understand there's baseball games going on boxing this

tonight saturday i don't know there's always a boxing fight on saturday yeah that that uh pacific

uh series is pretty intense yeah it started off like i said the first two or three episodes were

but, man, it got into one where they invaded an island

where they finally got attacked on the way in.

I forgot which one it was.

I think it was Pelew.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The one where the guy was using the mortar team guy, Sledge,

the first invasion that he participated in, you know?

Hello?

Listen, Mr. Jones.

Why do you keep calling me?

What I'm telling you is that there's baseball scorers

and boxing fights that's coming this weekend,

and the system is going to keep calling you unless you opt out.

All right, I love it.

But I'm not a bit interested in it.

But you signed up for the service, sir, and you're paying for it,

so either you opt out by hitting number one, or it's going to keep calling you.

There's nothing I can do about it.

I haven't subscribed to that at all.

Well, it's going to call you with sports updates,

and there's like three baseball games going on right now in the United States,

and you're going to get a call after each inning.

That's about once every, I don't know, once every 10, 15 minutes.

So can I cancel it?

You have to hit star, pound, one on your phone.

star hash one

it's what

star hash one

four hash

star

sorry

four hash

you're saying

four hash one oh

no the asterisk

star

yeah

so I

I dial

what

star

the star button

next to zero

the pound

the hash

and the one

oh okay

thank you

well you gotta do it now

hello

yikes

alright cool he did it

now I'm gonna call him back

and tell him congratulations

you've been opted out

if you'd like to opt in

Please hang up now

Do it

The cost of this call is

Two cents per minute

Congratulations

You have successfully opted out of Sports Scores 2000

If you'd like to sign back up

Please hang up now

He signed back up

I'll call him back later

With the baseball score

He's back

You know what

And I gave

That's a legal fucking thing

That's a legal method to do that

As long as you tell them what action it takes to

I'm sure it is

Opt out of what not

Then I'm sorry

Sorry sir

You're opted back in.

All right.

That was the AZ guy in Perth.

Call him back later.

AK Jones.

That's who it was.

All right.

EB and ZL Williams.

Have a good demo call.

Oh, we got that number for Justin.

Hang on.

Justin, or the Justin guy that, um, J-Rat's in.

Hey, Justin.

Justin.

What do you know?

This is Justin.

What do you know?

Justin.

Let me talk to Justin.

Who's this?

I want to talk to Justin.

This is Valente.

Who?

Valente.

Who's this?

Let me talk to Justin.

Are you Justin?

Justin, yeah?

What's going on?

You wanted me to call you.

What's going on?

What do you want?

You wanted me to call you.

What's going on?

You were just on the line.

I was just talking to Justin on the gate line, on the gate chat line, local.

And you gave me your number to call in.

Is this someone else?

Did someone, like, play a joke?

I don't know.

Hmm?

Justin!

Bueno.

Why do people give their own?

J-Rad obviously is submitting his own number.

Trying to be funny, but he just says bueno.

I thought you weren't supposed to use the Valencia name anymore.

Oh, yeah.

Whoops.

Oh, well.

The video just crashed. God damn it. Let me try to fix that

We're back on a group video problems fixed I just let you know our BCP said he's good with that

Tuck got that, you know, bitch

You doing your show on the shotgun stream, oh, yeah, cool

We're gonna angry kabob guy that came in from buzzard

What's a good hour? What's a good period of time?

Yeah, that's why I need to work out still.

We had luck for years at the time that I was doing my show. You might want to try that.

You could try Thursday night, Tuesday night we used to do.

What, Thursday night at 10 o'clock people say good to you?

What are you saying? We always had luck.

Do a Saturday show or a Friday show. There's a lot of people around that time.

Hey, this is the kebab house.

Yeah, this is the kebab house.

Alright, good. I want to make an order for clean food.

I don't want to get that dirty food that I heard you people had there sometimes.

Hold on, dickhead. You called last time and I swear that you still want to get swear that.

I didn't talk to you last time. I haven't talked to you before. I've never called before.

I have never called you.

What's that about, sir? Why are you being so rude?

Jesus!

That is the guy from last week. I remember now.

Yeah, he did call me.

And Nunu is breaking his rule and messaging me.

Good work breaking the rules again, Nunu.

Like always, messing up.

Yeah, yeah.

I do remember calling that guy last week.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Listen, I was talking to a woman over there.

I think she hung up the phone on purpose.

You was talking to who?

To a woman, a female that hung up the phone on purpose.

There's no female here, baby.

Well, there was a woman that was on the phone before that got upset and hung up.

Was it you?

Can I speak to that woman again so I can put her in her place?

I'll fuck your sister in every single hole she has.

Now, Sam, I didn't find you. Now I will find you, okay?

That's horrible.

Wait and see.

Why would you say that?

Wait and see. You cunt. Wait and see.

I got your number. I got your everything.

I'm going to come find you.

Don't find me.

I'm sorry.

I'll find you, and I'll stop night in your asshole, okay?

And after you're going to save me, you'll find me, yeah?

I'm sorry.

You cunt.

I'm sorry. Please, please no.

You just wait and see, okay? You cunt.

You just wait and see. Give me one minute.

speech in your phone you just wait and see you saw my sister and you wait and see wow okay just

wow that's all i had i couldn't talk he just wouldn't stop i was like this is radio gold

let him go because he was like oh fuck your cunt you're whatever i don't know what the hell was

he saying that's what you want wow that's what you that's the goal you're trying to get that

that's why you do this this is what you're trying to get hook line and sinker he's gonna fuck my

hang on let me see if i can i might be too late to get a replay on the end of that at least but

he went off for quite quite a while holy oh boy i don't think i have that bookmarked anymore

unfortunately i do here we go what the my mother it is that he's saying hang on let me see

if i can nope too late wah wah wah okay that was good that was an angry kebab place uh we can call

them again why not or

them like 10 minutes or something.

Nah, that never works. We always do that and we end up getting shit.

Talk to the teller, too, cents per minute.

I figured we gotta call them back when it's hot.

They're either not going to answer or they're going to be really good.

Make a line.

Listen, I just wanted to make sure that you meant what you said.

What did I meant?

Because it's going to be trouble for you if you really meant what you said.

If that was true, what you said that you want to do, then it's going to be a lot of trouble for you.

Yeah, alright, then come over and we'll see who's getting in trouble.

Okay, well, I'm just warning you that it might be best for you.

Yeah, yeah, no problem.

Just come over here and don't worry about it.

You should take it all back because your mother and your sister are going to be sad.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Just come over here and then your sister's mother is going to be sad.

Where's your mother at?

Do you know where she's at?

No, he doesn't want to answer that question.

Okay, cool.

All right, he's still a little hot.

I guess Tug, we will give him a little bit there to just relax.

I think he needs a nice little cold glass of water.

Uh-huh.

And iced tea.

And he'll be okay.

That's right.

And iced tea, a kebab.

He had a nice lamb kebab there.

Or pork kebab.

And take it easy.

That's right.

Okay.

Sure.

H.P. Lovecraft says that we should entitle that prank call The Cunt.

Was it The Cunt or Your Cunt?

You Cunt.

That's right.

That is what he said.

You Cunt.

J. Rat explaining that that guy was a huge Dallas Cowboys fan.

Well, that is cunt.

My proposal for the show, for the podcast, is time for fuck.

Time for fuck?

There you go.

It's time for fuck.

I want to call that gay line again now.

That was kind of fun.

It takes a long time.

We can only do that so much.

Okay, more lots and loser numbers here.

We're getting them.

We've got to take advantage of them.

All right.

We already called all the Himmlers and all the Goerings.

Let's try this C.S. Williams.

You're in somewhere.

Western Australia.

All right, cool.

Oh, we also got that other guy that we have to.

who's the other guy

that we had told

that we were

oh my god

what was it

he had to opt out

and he bought it

what a dumbass

14 cents per minute

what are you calling

I don't want to call

Western Australia

if it's 14 cents a minute

fuck that

no

and we got a voicemail

here from Nevada

I think this might be

somebody who we're talking

who's a gay

who the fuck is this

who's with this

fucking number

who the fuck is this

okay all right cool you heard that what else we got

that's me living a voicemail somehow some way i don't know what that's about

who who is this who the fuck is this okay we didn't talk to any yeah yeah i think so i think

he's like some kind of angry uh las vegas that he wants to piss off we talked to all men did we

talk we did talk to a white guy at first right maybe that's who it is i don't know let's see

here all right let's try to call that pimp mac productions see what's up with that oh this is

j red uh buddy oh okay thank you no i understand there's a nasty echo on your end there tuck

g-man texas asking what's good well you know what's good it's all good in the hood no that's

not me i don't think no no not at all i hear it on your end clear as day maybe it is huh

It's coming from you, man.

Pimp Mac Productions.

Really?

Is this Black Man Productions?

No, it's Pimp Mac Productions.

Black People Productions, right?

No, not Black People Productions.

Pimp Mac, P-I-M-P.

Pimp Black.

M-A-C-K.

Black, Pimp Black Productions.

No, Pimp Mac.

Mac.

M-A-C-K.

Oh, Mac.

Mac Productions.

Pimp Mac Productions, yeah.

Mac Productions.

Yeah, I was looking for black people, like black strippers.

Okay.

You guys are far away from Las Vegas, right?

Like an hour?

Yeah, most definitely

Well, because I'm staying at the Bellagio

But I've got transportation

I've got a driver

And I'm going to host a party

For several

They're going to be homosexual men and bisexual men

Okay

Now, if you're interested

Maybe we can get

Do you know of a place maybe that we could rent out

That maybe works with you

Or you've worked with in the past

That I'd be able to rent out maybe on a short notice

Enough for maybe 20, 30 men

Oh, yeah.

Let me get your number, first of all.

Do you have caller ID there?

No, my caller ID is not working.

All right, give me a second because I'm calling from the hotel room,

so you're going to have to give me a moment so I can get that information.

But in the meantime, how many black men do you have there that you can provide tonight?

I don't have men.

I have ladies.

Oh, this isn't a gay thing?

No, it isn't.

It might be kind of weird then.

Yeah.

What about you?

No, no, sir.

I don't do no work at all.

Oh, because you sound a little effeminate.

I don't know.

No, it sounded like that at first, that it was a gay place.

That's what they had told me was Black Men Productions.

No, you got the wrong one.

This is Pimp Black Productions, right?

It's Pimp Max, or Pimp Max.

Okay, so you have women?

Yeah.

Are they any lesbian women?

No, they are regular women.

Well, what do you mean by regular?

I mean, everyone's regular, though.

Yeah, but I'm the one saying, no, they're not gay.

They're straight.

They wouldn't do anything?

mmm are you sure because a lot of women like me they like they find each other

attractive sometimes ah well yeah maybe so but I'm just saying the ones I work

with I don't know and they never give me any case and that they would do that but

if you can give me a call back with your phone the boy you get your number I can

find out for you so are you the pimp or what are you exactly no I'm the owner

you're the owner but you're a pimp right is this pimp blacks pimp max or whatever

Yeah, nah, I'm a businessman, sir.

Well, you used to be, like, in a crime, right?

In nigger town and stuff like that?

Nah, man.

I mean, look, if you want to do a party, fine,

but I really don't be answering too many questions.

I just be, like, setting it up.

Well, but I know, I mean, it's cool that I know you were a pimp before

and that you straightened up, maybe, and that it's normal for you now,

but you have street cred, right?

I really don't know what you're talking about,

but, look, hey, just give me a call back when you're ready.

Have a good day.

now look at here now look at here

now look at here

look at here

I see I see look at here

I sees OJ and man

he looks scared they were playing that

yesterday on history of Howard

oh my god man

Peter Jennings I'm going to play that now

they're playing history of Howard again

because of July

now look at here I sees OJ

man and he looks scared

you understand

I sees OJ man

And he looks scared.

Okay, brother.

All right.

There's police all up in this.

All right.

Let me find that.

Let me go to the old YouTube.

They played it with, like, the original commentary yesterday on History of Howard.

So, they were, like, it was the first time they heard it after it happened.

And they were cracking up.

Let's see.

I see.

I remember that call when it went out.

I saw it live.

I remember.

I was the first.

It was the day that school ended.

in my freshman year of high school um you know so i was going into my and i i was two days away

from flying to puerto rico for the whole summer and i remember i was like chilling at home alone

and i was watching the knicks game i or it was it was a it was a playoff game i remember they

interrupted it halfway through and i found out that the reason you know i was i didn't i didn't

remember what game it was and then on history of howard they were saying oh yeah they kept

interrupting the knicks game i was like oh yeah that was the knicks game that they played before

before they went to the finals against Houston Rockets, I think.

So, anyway, I'm watching the coverage on Channel 9, the ABC affiliate,

and this guy Prank calls Peter Jennings from Howard Stern.

We have on the phone with us as well Robert Higgins,

who lives in the neighborhood and is on the ground.

And I love that name, Robert Higgins.

We have on the phone with us as well Robert Higgins,

who lives in the neighborhood and is on the ground.

You can see inside the van, Mr. Higgins.

Yes, how are you?

Just about as tense as you are.

Oh, my Lord.

Can you see?

Okay, cut him down.

Look in.

Thank you.

Is he sitting there?

He is.

Okay.

I think that that was somebody who was truly a cry.

He said something in code at the end that's indicative of the mentioning of the name of a radio host.

Thank you, Al Michaels, for really fun.

It was all class, though, man.

Yeah, that was awesome.

Oh, man, there's a whole bunch of them.

I think there was one.

Let me see if I can find this one.

And I remember once, Dan Rather, when the space shuttle Columbia, you know, broke up on the way in.

Dan Rather got pranked by somebody who did a Baba Booey prank call.

It was Captain Jags, actually, if I remember.

Dan Rather and, let me see, Dan Rather, Columbia, and teeth.

Because he said it was a piece of Baba Booey's teeth or something.

And here we go.

This is good.

We have, we think, somebody on the phone now who believes that he may have some, may, underscore the word, have some debris from the shuttle in his backyard.

Let's try to bring him up now.

Sir, are you on the phone with us?

Yes, I'm here, Mr. Rather.

Dan, please, if you would tell us who you are, where you are, and what you see.

My name's Mike.

I'm in Euless, Texas.

And a little over an hour ago, I heard a loud explosion and a big piece of what appeared to be metal landed on my property.

and it's lying there now

and there's a lot of people here

obviously and looking at it

and they believe that it's one of Baba Booey's teeth

hold on just one

one moment Mike if you will

Mike a lot of people don't know where ULIF Texas is

from Dallas you are in what direction

and where

you're a real idiot you know

unfortunately in these breaking news

situations you have goofballs like him

calling up that was a crank call

well it was a crank call

and it is true I'm an idiot

you but that's beside the point dan rather was an idiot but i respect him he was in my order with

tom brokaw dan rather dan rather was cool he's a good newsman but he would just get so emotional

and and he was so dumb like did he yeah didn't he like uh get beat up by some guy about the

frequency texas that's the texas in them yeah that is the texas and he have all these weird

sayings yeah he did get beat up he's some guy that beat him up over uh you know what's the

a frequency kenneth and they made that song about it baby yeah what's the frequency kenneth yeah

and one time he started screaming out of a taxi cab that is being kidnapped it's like i'm down

rather i'm being kidnapped it was like in a taxi uh taxi cab bit up on the convention floor uh

and it was like 68 or something yeah true and the democratic convention like in 68 or 72 or

something right yeah the mayor's cronies beat him up yeah that's true remember that he's like i have

a right to be here don't you do that i got a right to be here let's try let's look for that

And he had those old headsets, remote headsets on,

so he had a big antenna sticking out of his head.

And they were beating him up in the stomach.

Dan Rather punched in the stomach, August 27, 1968.

Let's see.

Dan Rather.

What is your name, sir?

I'm not being manhandled here.

What is your name, sir?

Take your hands off of me.

Dan Rather.

Unless you intend to arrest me, don't push me, please.

I know you won't, but don't push me.

Take your hands off of me unless you intend to arrest me.

Wait a minute.

And Walter, as you can see, I don't know what's going on, but these are security people apparently around Dan.

He's obviously getting roughed up.

We tried to talk to the man, and we got bodily pushed out of the way.

This is the kind of thing that's been going on outside the hall.

This is the first time we've had it happen inside the hall.

I'm sorry to be out of breath, but somebody belted me in the stomach doing that.

What happened is a Georgia delegate, at least he had a Georgia delegate sign on, was being hauled out of the hall.

We tried to talk to him to see why, who he was, and what the situation was.

And at that instant, the security people, well, as you can see, put me on the deck.

I didn't do very well.

I think we've got a bunch of thugs here, Dan.

Dan Rather.

You've got to love it, man.

Dan Rather.

Crazy guy.

He's still out there kicking.

I think he still does stuff, doesn't he?

Yeah.

Please call Nunu's Midgets.

All right, Nunu and your Midgets.

Please call Nunu's Midgets.

For the God.

Fuck off!

All right, let's call the fucking Midgets.

Midget Convention at the

Nashville Renaissance Hotel, is it?

Let me see. Renaissance Nashville Hotel.

Alright, cool. Answer your phone today,

bitch. That's Nunu's Midgets calling

over there. I'm not going to answer Nunu's Midgets

because he's beating a prick. I wish Nunu would get

beat up, punched in the chest in a convention.

That'd be awesome. That's what we should do.

We should send Nunu to a convention. He says he wants them to call him

so much. We'll get him

belted in the stomach.

He'll be just like that guy.

Midget wrestlers.

kick him in right in the punch him in the stomach elbow him come on phone ring you

cock we're almost out of show time here anyway it's uh 5 30 my contract time is almost over

good afternoon woman i'd like to see if uh speak with him please one moment thank you sir your call

is being answered by the guest voicemail system the person you call your call is being transferred

to an operator please wait who else did you want to try to reach hopefully you can do this right

this time thank you okay you want to miss the first time yeah he's not obviously you transferred

the wrong number or you couldn't get him on no no that's why we verify the name oh okay you want

to be reconnected well i mean if he's not there i mean you normally you do what's called the warm

transfer where you call the extension first and say hello i have ralph littlejohn on the line

for Mr. Burger, and they say, okay, put them through, and then you push the button.

At their request, yes. What was the second name that you wanted?

One moment, please. Thank you, sir. This is from Chicago Iron Chefs.

Your call is being answered by the guest

voicemail system. Your call is being

transferred to an operator. Please wait.

Yes, did you leave a message?

Your phone machine seems to be broken because it keeps putting me through to a woman.

Okay, and what's the...

Who are you? You're somebody else. What did you ask if I left a message? That's a little crass of you.

No, because it came back and it's showing it was coming out of voicemail.

Did you talk to the other American lady there? You sound ethnic.

Pardon me?

You sound like somebody else because you sound more ethnic than the woman I was talking to before.

Okay.

Are you some, you're somebody else?

Is she over there talking?

Does she brief you on me?

I don't, I don't know what you're talking about, sir.

Like, there's more than one person there that answers the phone, right?

Like you?

Yes.

So, is, are the other people, like, can you talk to them?

Are they around?

Like, do you share the same area?

We're in the same area, but we are all taking calls.

Yeah, but I'm thinking.

What is it you, what are you trying, who are you trying to reach, sir?

Well, I'm trying to reach, you know, somebody with the association.

They're not in, but I'm thinking that your phone's, the person that I was talking to before,

Or maybe let you know ahead of time, oh, she said a bad word about me and that I'm an asshole and that I'm calling around.

Is that what happened?

No, sir.

I have no idea.

You're really just throwing me completely off.

Oh, no, it's okay, honey.

I'm sorry.

Can you put me through to...

What's the last name?

Okay.

For freedom.

Yeah.

He's checked out, sir.

Oh, my goodness.

But what is going on with these people?

I'm supposed to deliver this cake and no one wants to accept it.

Okay, let me see.

put you through to the office one moment who i don't need to speak to the office

shit transferring to hotel operator please wait hi this is joanne how can i help you yeah hi i

was talking to this woman who's a black over there uh who i was talking with a woman who's a black

okay and she transferred the phone wrong again sweetie i don't know who you were speaking with

i'm joanne i'm the concierge were you trying to get a hold of somebody special yeah i need there's

a black woman i need to talk to there sweetie i is it in the banquet department is it in pbx

uh oh hey honey hi sweetie hey how are you sweetie good okay baby i need i need a i was

calling like when you call in to talk to someone who's staying at the hotel oh pbx yeah is that

what they call it baby sweetie uh-huh it's pbx okay honey baby transfer you back all right you

sexy little thing you put me through there be nice little naughty little girl put me through

Okay.

All right.

Only if you feel like it.

She's the one saying, sweetie, honey.

Is it RenHotels.com?

That's R-E-N-Hotels.com.

And discover your next unforgettable moment.

Sweetie, honey, baby.

Hello.

Good afternoon.

Yes, how may I assist you, sir?

Yeah, I was just talking to this woman.

She's a black.

Do you know who I'm talking about that's there?

When planning a trip, think about using your Marriott Rewards points towards a stay at Renaissance Hotels.

If you're not already a member, just go to MarriottRewards.com with membership.

Membership will get exclusive benefits, such as priority check-in, member-only specials, a bonus on...

Good evening.

Yes, hi. Is this the black lady?

Yes, sir.

Oh, hi. I was calling back for you because you put me through to the office, but they didn't answer and I didn't need to speak to them anyway, though.

Oh, okay.

And the concierge said that she was going to put me through to you to, you know, report that to you and let you know that you messed up again.

again well i mean we have no i'm sitting in a little room we have a number that's their office

and that's basically all i can do is send you there i don't know oh whether there's somebody

sitting there or not oh that's the number that we have for them like a number to transfer to honey

yes sir oh yeah i don't know how it is baby but listen i the concierge said that it was uh that

it happened a few times that they were having problems with you okay that they were having

having problems with she said i know who it is that's over there the black woman there

and that she has problems with the phone that she doesn't that she's old and then she messed

it up sometimes that's what she told me i don't think i was supposed to tell you but that's what

the one the concierge told me right now okay so i just want to let you know that she was saying

talking bad things about you okay all right so can you put me through that okay let's see one

all right something new trap your call is being answered by the guest voicemail system

the person you called is unavailable all right it's not getting anybody over there had no fun

with the black lady uh nunu sent in a number for the president of the midgets i don't think

they like to be called midgets i don't know i think they like to be called little people or

dorks what they call them dorks doors doors this is sorry mr call leave your name and number and

i'll call you back if it's real important try me at my home bye i'm small and i think i'm funny

anyway they're not answering sir nina says be impressed that they might manage to carry such

a big phone around with them all night major cell phone numbers that's very nice of you thank you

um nina for sending that in what time is it 5 40 p.m we got about 20 minutes left we got a number

from lonesome loser here in uh san diego dominican republic san diego urban most bar and grill i'm

talking about uh that cohiba prank call we did like i said they're from the dominican republic

the red dots that's what that's called oh actually he is in san diego that guy what's the name of

that place that we prank called funky zone you got that number still man yeah the mose this is

ling ling how can i help you this is momos hello yes this is momos i'm sorry what's that is this

momos is this mose momos i could barely hear you babe momos are you asking momos man is this place

for homos is that what you said momos urban mose yes this is urban rose and why don't you call me

me sweetie is that like a gay place yes it is oh we're straight friendly huh we're straight

friendly yeah that's cool i don't know i mean i was curious about it it's all did you have any

other question yeah the bathroom um would i be able to use the women's room and the men's room

uh we prefer that if you're a guy that you go to the guy's restroom but there are men that go to

the women's restroom right what's that are there men that use the women's restroom um i've seen

them use the restroom yeah what do you think they go to the women's restroom for i don't know babe

so they don't have to wait in line to go in the men's restroom?

But there's supposed to be rules, and rules need to be followed.

And the men go with the men, and the women are with the women.

And that's the way it is in this world.

When people have to go, they have to go as long as it's the bathroom.

That's all that really matters at the end of the day.

Because what if one of those men goes in there

and then tries to harass one of those women

who is, you know, with no clothes on or their pants off?

You know how men are.

They'll try to touch the women and look at the women.

We actually haven't had any complaints like that.

Well, maybe you're not looking into it.

But if you have men walking into the bathroom

where there's women who are taking off their clothes and taking off their pants.

Do you have anything other to discuss besides this, sir?

Because then I could get you to somebody else who you could talk to this about.

Well, get me to a manager or something,

because I don't appreciate men and women associating with each other in the bathroom

having sex with each other.

Okay, hold on.

Okay, good.

I don't care if it's a gay place or not.

When women are around men, men get aroused, and they do sexual things.

That's a matter of fact.

That's natural talk.

And that's normal.

You can't blame us men.

Women come in, they're asking for it sometimes.

They're asking for it, Todd.

Yeah, Big Chris, how you doing?

Excellent.

Listen, I understand that there's men that go into the women's bathroom there when there's women inside of it still.

You know, sometimes it happens.

We have signs posted everywhere.

We have security that go in on a regular basis, and we try to deter it as best we can.

But I heard that the guy that I was talking to before, the guy that was making presumptions over there,

He admitted that, yes, it is normal for men to go in there where the women are, if there's a line.

Oh, no, it's not normal.

It's not a normal activity, but a lot of the times the men will go in there.

We have a security presence right there.

We have signs posted everywhere.

It's just an occurrence that happens.

What do the signs say?

The signs say that men are only...

It's a women's restaurant. No men are allowed.

That it's a women's restaurant.

Because let me tell you something.

What happens is when you start letting men use the bathroom where there's women who are taken off their pants,

and doing things like that, that they get attracted to the women,

and they have to not be able to control themselves, and they'll act out.

And they might do sexual things to the women, and there's children around,

there's families around eating there, and that's not safe.

Because what if my daughter goes into the bathroom there

and sees a man and a woman having sex because you let the men go in where the women go into?

You understand what the danger is here?

No, I absolutely understand that.

But we're a predominantly gay restaurant, so it's really not a, and we're, you know,

any time after 6 o'clock, we're a 21 and over restaurant, so we try not to have any kids here.

And it is a predominantly gay men's restaurant.

Well, that's a sin.

Okay.

I'm just saying.

And we do monitor it as best we can.

We have, you know, generally there's three security guards on after 6 o'clock.

Because, I mean, the Bible says that men and women are supposed to use different bathrooms,

that they're supposed to men with the men and the women with the women.

And I would think that a gay place like yours would understand that most of all, that the men go with the men, and the women stay with the women, and that's the way it's supposed to be, and there's no ambiguity between the two.

Even when we're in the bathroom doing our bodily functions, our number one and number two, that it's private, it's a private time for...

It's clearly posted, it's clearly, clearly posted on both sides, it's clearly, signs are present, and...

Well, what I'm telling you, it's not being enforced, and you have a very hands-off approach to it.

I'm

sorry you feel that way, but we're really a hands-on approach to it.

No, but it's a fact. I have proof right here.

You have a what?

I have proof that it's a fact, that you people have a hands-free approach to this,

and that you don't mind it that women are getting naked in front of men

and having sexual relations with men there in your establishment.

But they're not having sexual relations in our establishment.

How do you know they're not?

not because we have security guards that frequently check the restroom not inside the stalls no because

of the fact that men go in there that they frequently patrol the bathroom because men go

in there and what do they do have you ever been here no i haven't been there i was going to come

and before you make any accusations like this please just stop by we have a great operation

here it runs very very smooth um you'll see the facility you'll see the bathroom she'll see the

signs you'll see the security you'll see how it's patrolled and monitored um is it true that you have

a well-run operation is it true that you have well-run is it true that you have condoms and

lubricants in the bathroom we have condoms and not lubricants but we do have condoms at both

entrances to the door to make sure that people are having safe sex once again this is a gay

predominantly gay restaurant so you're sure that our customers are having safe sex so you're

You're providing for men and women to have safe sex inside the women's bathroom.

Absolutely not.

We're providing them with a condom so they are having safe sex.

But you have it in the door when they come inside.

You offer them condoms the minute they come inside to have sex with.

They're inside the bathroom, a man and a woman.

Because a condom is for a man to put on for the woman.

Once again, that kind of action and that kind of activity is not tolerated here at this restaurant, and it doesn't happen.

Well, then I don't tolerate you selling condoms there or giving them out.

I don't sell them.

I give them.

And that's even worse.

I buy them personally with my own money and give them out personally

because I want to ensure that safe sex is being happened.

But I'm telling you, it's a danger.

You're putting men and women together in a place where alcohol is being served

and putting them in a room together where they're exposing their genitals together

and you're already giving them condoms.

And a condom is for the man to put on for the woman to give to, you know.

First off, the restrooms are all segregated.

There's petitions between each urinal.

If you go into a stall, it is a lockable door.

But that's what they're doing.

The man and the woman go into the stall, and the man puts on a condom.

And, you know, sir, I beg to differ.

A man and a woman in this place is pretty rare.

But it's happening.

We're a predominantly gay restaurant, and we provide condoms for our customers.

If they choose to have sex with us, once they leave, then they can have it.

I would recommend that you come in and take a look at the facility before you say anything.

It's not impossible for a gay man to have sex with a woman because it's a natural response.

The penis naturally, you know, it's supposed to go inside a woman only.

Like vaginal sex is the, you know, it's the intended use for it.

Well, it doesn't happen in this restaurant.

I can guarantee you that.

I can guarantee you that you're.

And I'm here a lot.

I can guarantee you've created a honeypot there for vaginal sex to occur in the women's bathroom while there are children around eating dinner.

First off, there wouldn't be any children.

and we don't, and I would recommend that you come down and see the facility before you make any kind of those accusations.

Well, it doesn't matter if there's children or not, even, but there's still people eating there, right?

This is an eating establishment?

Yes.

Huh?

No?

Very much so, yeah.

Are you sure?

That's what I'm saying.

If I'm going to go down there and eat, and there's people having sex in the bathroom, how are you sure this will happen in the bathroom?

There's no sex happening in the bathroom, sir.

That's all I can say.

There's never, never sex that happens in this establishment.

First, before you make the accusations, come look at the facility.

It doesn't happen.

If I could show you proof in the next few days that it happens in your bathroom,

let's just say, okay, take me for my word, and let me just show you proof.

I will come.

You brought it to my attention.

I will bring it to the head of the security's attention and everything.

Do you like coffee?

This conversation is over.

Do you like coffee?

You're talking to Chris Shaw.

Mr. Shaw, do you like coffee?

Yes, I like coffee.

Well, I'll take...

You're talking to Chris Shaw.

If you have any other problems in the future, feel free to call me.

I want to take you out for coffee.

I want to take you out for coffee, show you the evidence, and then I want to have anal sex with you.

Thank you, but I have a husband currently, and I'm quite happy.

How is that possible? This is America.

This is America. Men don't get married.

I have a husband, my ass.

Not in the eyes of God.

Oh, there was a webcam there the whole time?

Hang on, let's see that.

I didn't realize that, Lonesome Loser.

Look, guys, I'm not anti-gay.

Honestly, I'm not.

It's just fun to make fun of it.

Have you heard of Lonesome Loser? He's a loser for nothing but trying.

That's a nice-looking gay restaurant bar.

I think that's the end of the game. That's the end of the show, I think, unless there's anything else we should do.

Oh, okay.

Well, we called all of Lonesome's numbers.

We called Nunu's midget convention, and we tried to call the woman, even, and it didn't work out.

That's all that. We called J-Rad's number, that Justin kid.

That's it. We're done. Hey, we're out.

Justin wants a depot diner, but Lonesome will have to find it.

I have no record of where a depot diner is.

Next week. We'll get it next week, and we'll call out Funky Zone next week, too.

I'll find those numbers

We're done everybody

Thank you for tuning in

The website is

MadhouseLife.com

Tucker Mike is over at

TuckerMike.com

And Lonesome Loser

Thank you for helping us out

With numbers

CactiRadio.com

Is the station we're on

RBCP

And the Phone Losers

Are at PhoneLosers.org

And I'm turning this air back on

Eddie

I'm going to take something

From my headache

Thank you everyone

For tuning in

And we're done

Calls (24, 1 h 1 min of 1 h 36 min)

Transcript

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