Star-0-Hash, 6-1-1

All right, Karen, I want to say I'm sorry.

If I hear another chauvinist comment, I'll hang up and get out.

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

What the fuck is this?

So if I turn the mic on, hey, everybody, good evening.

I can say evening and it's not a big fuck-up.

Carlito, I don't know, your shit seems broken.

Huh.

No one's listening.

But I'm Carlito, and we're live on the air right now,

Madhouse Radio for a, what is it?

It's Tuesday night.

What day is it?

The 20th?

21st.

21st and the only time zone that counts in my book.

That's the Eastern time zone.

Good evening, everybody.

Oh, well.

That's the only one.

What else means a shit?

Anyway, we're going to do some prank calls tonight here.

We got numbers coming in.

I'm presuming here pretty soon from Lonesome Loser.

I actually already got them.

Unless these are older numbers.

Let's see here.

Yeah, we got some numbers in Australia where I believe it.

What is it?

Like 2 p.m. in the afternoon up in Australia?

Up in that bitch

Over the Connie's

I understand

Today they were saying

Alright let's

Let's

Right

True

We're gonna give them

A call here

Really quick

Knock it out of the park

We're gonna do as many

Prank calls as possible

We're still gonna do

That 3pm show tomorrow

Tuck right

It hasn't gone anywhere

So

Don't stay up tonight

Don't

You know

The

Fucking

Hey

Listen Tuck

The fucking reason

I'm doing this show tonight

it is our five year anniversary as a matter of fact to the day i realized that this morning i

woke up and i looked at my uh fucking my outlook and it was like one year anniversary and i was

like hey that's right yeah we started on the 20th of july back in uh 2005 doing this show and we're

fucking we we left for a while we came back so anyway all right so let's do that this place is

called cupcakes they're in fucking south australia australia is huge i don't know like they have

have like four time zones over there so i have no idea what time it is over there that we're

calling i called you an accident just now tuck it is a continent in the same respect that we're a

continent yeah but we we got mexico and we got uh canada intruding you know as long as we don't

need any uh yeah but i mean with with with why natural resources

first prank of the night so it was a failure so it's a piece of fucking shit

yeah is this the cupcake place hello is this fucking cupcakes sorry what is this the cupcake

stupid place hello sir yeah is this the the stupid the cupcake place over in australia

the stupid cupcake place is it well because your phone isn't working so i'm just i'm just trying

to i'm they don't mean it against you i don't mean that to you i'm saying it to the you know

of your phone and you signal all that because you got a shit phone or something i don't know

and where are you calling from sorry well i'm going to be there in about 18 hours as a matter

of fact i'm hopping on a plane right now in honolulu we're going to have an event down there

in australia i understand you live in the city australia and then we need someone to cater some

morning food here for saturday morning and what's this about the cupcakes then huh it's the

Where exactly are you from?

It's a convention, an annual convention of the Annual Association of Christian Magicians.

We're coming from Chicago, Illinois.

That's our main base.

And clowns are coming from all over the world, Germany, Australia, etc.

Well, to start off with, I don't really like your attitude towards me, so...

Well, I'm a Christian man.

I didn't mean anything by that.

What do you like?

Did I say stupid?

Is that why?

Is that a bad word in Australia?

Well, no, but I don't know where to trust you.

So why don't you really actually get into Australia?

Obviously, it's only Wednesday here.

You've still got four days to organize something.

No, because I'm going to cross the international date line,

and I'm already in Hawaii time zone.

So when I cross the international date line,

I go forward like two days as it is.

I'm going to lose two days, 19, 20 hours in the plane

by the time it makes a stupid transfer in Guam.

That's going to be a day right there.

then i go over the international fucking date line that's another day right there that's two

days gone right there and that's friday right today's wednesday friday and the events the

next morning so you're wanting to wait until the last minute i don't understand well you're not

speaking to me very nice i'm not sure whether i really want to cater for you well this is how we

talk where i come from in chicago illinois oh we're in australia you don't talk to people like

like that well uh but it's not very nice i understand because you're different people

How many exactly are you off to?

We're going to have about, it's just a morning planning event.

So we're going to have a meeting consisting of 30 people, maybe 20 staff,

and then about another 40 people are going to be rolling through between then and noontime.

And whereabouts are you holding it?

In Australia.

Where? I need a place to be holding it.

In the city of Australia.

I don't know, it's over there, somewhere in the Pacific.

All I know is it's Australia.

So I figure you all could just, you know.

Well, you need to find out details, because I'm in a city.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

You're in the city.

There's six states to Australia.

The city of Australia.

There's six states.

Australia City.

There is no Australia City.

It's a city, isn't it?

No, it's not a state.

You need to find out what city you're going to.

There are six states here.

Hang on.

Give me a second, honey.

Hang on, sweetie.

All right.

And it's just I didn't understand that that's not the way they talk in Australia.

I got everything down here.

Hang on.

Do you have email?

How did you get my phone number?

It was recommended to me.

I called the U.S. Embassy in the city of Australia.

It says right here that it's in Australia.

That's all I've got to go with.

But you don't know exactly where this convention is being held?

Well, I don't know.

Are you near the airport at all?

Are you organizing it?

Well, I'm part of the planning staff,

but they put me in charge of the food catering and whatnot.

I always do a good job.

Last year we had our retreat in the Dominican Republic, and this year we're coming to Australia, the city of Australia.

I know that there's a McDonald's that's near the hotel where the convention is.

You must be near the McDonald's in Australia, right?

There's a thousand McDonald's.

There can't be that many in that city, like in one city?

There's one McDonald's on every major road here.

How many, I mean, we're talking maybe three.

Which is the one that has the hotel next to it?

You've got maybe three or four major roads there, I'd say, right?

Five, maybe?

I think this is a scam.

You really don't know what you're talking about,

because, one, you would know what city you're coming to.

There's, like, six capital cities in Australia.

If you're on the planning committee, you should know what city you're staying at.

As you said, you'd stay down from coming to Australia.

Yeah, a lot.

But you should know all this.

I mean, it's a small-time country.

You people are different than us.

Maybe it's just the language.

Maybe it was just because I speak American.

Maybe you don't understand American language.

I mean, you probably speak...

I know there's a language barrier, Australian and American.

I mean, you have a different language and everything.

Maybe I'm trying to explain it right and you're just not understanding me.

Maybe because...

Is there a man that works for your company at all that I can talk to?

I'm the owner of the company.

Okay, but...

I don't want to go and make cupcakes and it all be a joke.

What about your husband?

Because most people...

What about my husband?

Well, I can talk to him.

maybe he'll understand me because maybe he can interpret for you or make you understand

this you know it's a man he might understand better business and you know how to my husband

would say the same thing if you don't know where you're staying or what city you're coming to the

u.s embassy in australia should know what city you're coming to they just put me on a plane

to australia it's all i know and i asked around and they said oh australia it's it's not a major

your country they said already i mean it's got one airport and a few roads and and kangaroos i

think and there's some sharks there i think there's an aquarium that i saw on tv you realize

it's in the winter we don't have sharks at the moment oh no so it's winter there right now oh

okay that's that's fun that's funny so it's cold right now sorry what was your name it's

This is Garson Debromolo.

Awesome.

Yeah, Debromolo.

And where are you from?

I'm from Illinois, Chicago, you know, in the United States.

I understand that you're a different type of person, right?

You're not the same as me.

You're not normal like us, like Americans.

I mean, maybe that's why you don't understand.

I'm just being cautious because I'm just being cautious, you know.

This is my business here.

If I don't make 50-odd cupcakes for you, that's going to cost me money to make them.

You don't know where you're staying or what city, what capital.

You could be going to Brisbane for all I know.

I don't know.

I'm not in Brisbane.

That's nice, honey.

I don't know.

I mean, I don't think it's that hard to understand.

I don't think it's that hard to understand.

I really...

Look, I'll tell you now.

You need to bring the U.S. Embassy back,

and I need to tell you exactly what city you're going to.

Well, can you maybe just drop it off at the U.S. Embassy,

leave it there,

and I'll make arrangements for them to hold it?

I've got no U.S. Embassy in my state.

There's one U.S. Embassy on...

You want me to drive?

Yeah, there's one U.S. embassy in Australia, and it's not in my state.

So you want me to drive 30-odd hours to drop off cupcakes?

30 hours?

That's how long it's going to take me to drive.

Get out of here.

Thank you.

It's not in my state.

Well, I don't know.

Maybe it's because you have the metric system there.

I mean, what is that like in normal hours?

I don't know.

Is that like metric hours?

Because I know you have a different number system.

That's like what, an hour and a half?

No, we don't.

90 minutes, I think, right?

Because you divide it.

But, yeah, you divide it by three and a half, I think.

So something like that, yeah.

I think you're, like, 90 minutes, Maya.

That's not a big, I mean, well, you want some gas?

What do you call it?

Petrol?

What do you call it here?

Okay, look, I'm sorry, but I can't help you.

You're going to have to ring somebody else.

Can I talk to your husband?

I mean, are you in the kitchen?

Can you take the phone?

You can't talk to my husband.

You should be in the kitchen right now.

I'm sure maybe if you went to the living room, he'd be there.

You could ask him for me to come over.

See, I'm not even in the kitchen right now, so you're going to have to find somebody else.

That's what the problem is.

Maybe you should just be in the kitchen answering the phone, playing with the phone.

The phone's not a toy, sweetie.

It's not for games.

Now that I've actually got your phone number, I can actually ring the U.S. Embassy and get them to trace you.

Are you going to have me traced?

You're going to call the cyber police?

Goodbye.

Okay.

Call the state police while you're at it, stupid.

All right.

Anyway, that was the Australian.

I drugged that out.

I just wanted to talk to the lady.

that was australia yeah speaking about australia tuck fucking mel gibson right i don't even have

any i heard some more tapes came out today i haven't heard him i don't know if they were

made public or if it was just uh that uh that the site whatever fucking got it i don't know

somebody knows message me let me know consequences will never be the same that's right jen good point

you done goofed all right well let's uh continue moving right along here do the next prank call

that was the first one not bad for the first prank call tuck are you around where are you

you got your finger up your ass where's tuck they close them out i did whoops let me reconnect to

tuck now tuck isn't in tnsp i thought tuck was here wasn't i talking to tuck at the beginning

of the show did i lose it or was i not talking to tuck at the beginning of the show where did

tuck go fuck uh next number here from lonesome loser we got that hotel they're in australia

also we got a nice team going here with australia tonight let's hook that up oh yeah um hey i wanted

to make a mention here i did some prank calls over the weekend that i wanted to go ahead and

play i was uh online and i ran into this uh arab guy ex-muslim who now is anti-muslim he's a

christian and he preaches against islam and tries to disprove islam and i called him twice this is

the first prank call i gotta skip through the beginning because i i missed the beginning when

you hear this server went down oh yeah we're back hey tuck i'm playing i don't know if you

you heard this prank call i did this on sunday night to uh a muslim who turned christian and

is now anti-muslim he does a show online a video blog show i prank called him twice what's it called

i forgot debate tv.org or something i think is his site something it's a shitty site yeah and

let's play i just have did he still use frames yeah it's using frames and fucking windows media

media player, dude.

Hang on, listen.

Quiet.

The problem is that

you should stay away from that.

What kind of anything

is not from Allah,

you should stay away from it.

It's fucking low.

They don't want that to happen

because simply

they cannot stay away

from those fun.

You're live on air

on eBay TV.

Go ahead.

Hey.

Hi.

This is Koyudan.

I'm fine.

Go ahead.

Is that what you're going to say to us?

You're live on air?

Yeah.

Hey.

I was just curious.

I was reading here

about Christian man

and Muslim man

and everything.

And it says in the Bible and in the Quran that Muslim, what is his name, Muhammad?

Is that his name?

Yeah.

The guy?

The Muslim guy?

Uh-huh.

That he would actually, he touched boys and everything.

That he touched little boys.

They said in the Quran that it said it was okay in one of the verses, one of the chapters in the back.

I don't know if you know which chapter it was, but I saw a special on TV and it said that he liked to touch the boys and everything.

thing and there was a whole inside thing

where the Muslim was about

for touching boys and women

and hitting women with stones

they take the woman

in front of people and they throw the

stones at her hard and they hit her

and sometimes the woman dies

most of the time, they said that they can't survive

and everything, and I read that

it was in the Bible and in the Quran

and everything

I didn't understand your point, what do you want to say to us?

well did you see that?

did you hear the part where it said that

That Muhammad touched the boys

Well I know in the hadith

That Muhammad used to suck the tongues of boys

And he used to do that

Yes

But this is not in the Quran

And I didn't even know about that

I just figured that was in the Quran

You know

It was one of those things

I just kind of guessed that

You figure

I think I muted Tuck again

Hang on

Because Tuck you got your AC

Your AC machine is running in the background

So I had to turn you down

Am I here?

Yeah you're there

I was going to

Oh okay

It's really really hot

oh yeah it's been hot fucking summer we got a hurricane fucking gonna come to orlando fucking

kill us listen bitch uh i didn't know that um uh fucking uh muhammad in the quran supposedly

sucked the tongues of little boys why would they put that in their bible what the fuck is that

about god that's just i know he married a nine-year-old uh girl ew wow anyway let's

continue yeah we're getting to the we're getting to the good part this is actually the second call

This is my first call, not the first one. This is my second call to him. We're going to play this and we'll do some more live pranks. Any second now to play.

But in the Bible it says that Jesus, that he hid his wife, that he hid his wife many times.

Jesus, he hid his wife, yeah. Which Jesus is that? Which one?

Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

I don't know him. I don't know him. Did he have a wife, that guy?

He had Mary Magdalene was his wife.

And he was there? And he was there? And he was there? He was there?

Yes, I was there.

Your mom was there too?

Yes.

What about your mom?

She was there too?

All of your fathers were there.

Ah, okay.

And your mom.

Yeah.

Well, you know, let me tell you something.

You are a very low class person and you have no respect to yourself.

And one day...

You're a filthy person.

Remember, remember, one day...

Monkey.

You remember, one day your wife, she will dump you for the first guy who is smarter than you.

Because any guy will be smarter than you.

You're an animal.

You are just a low class person.

You're an animal.

And I spit on you.

But I want my spit back.

You're from...

What a filthy guy.

Whoa.

He keeps going.

Check this out.

He goes off for a little while.

You must be a person who his mother, she gave delivery for him in the bar.

And they made a surgery by the whiskey opening.

The whiskey opening.

A whiskey opener, he says.

What's a whiskey opener?

Tuck, you're from the whiskey countries.

The whiskey states, right?

Tennessee, where are you from again?

Isn't that whiskey fucking town?

Or is that Kentucky?

One of those fucking hillbilly states.

It's Kentucky, but...

And, well, Tennessee, too.

Jack Daniels is right down the road, basically.

Whiskey's for stupid white people.

Sorry, sorry, Tuck.

You say so, you're right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I spit on him, but I want my spit back,

because, you know, my spit has value,

and sometimes you don't want to waste your spit here.

My spit has value, you stupid fucking turd.

Honestly, like, it's not right.

Fucking asshole, that guy.

Anyway, we haven't...

I had...

Wait, is this anymore?

more no no he was asking for my muslims muslims as they say to call in okay so lonesome loser sent

that next uh number here to the hotel in australia i got distracted because i wanted to play that

prank call that's never been played before i did it uh over the weekend just a fucking yeah i didn't

oh you would say gee i never heard this before when was this done i don't know all right let's do

Right in time, too.

You heard that, right?

Clicked it right when it fucking happened.

All right, we're going to call that milk bar.

The fuck's a milk bar?

Probably like a white-themed fucking stupid gay bar.

That was in Clockwork Orange.

I'm going to watch that shit.

Fuck Stanley Kubrick.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Go to the milk bar to get a baby.

Man, I tried to like that Vietnam movie fucking Full Metal Jacket.

Pissed me the fuck off.

It's like an unfinished fucking movie.

Clockwork Orange, not a Full Metal Jacket.

Clockwork Orange

I like Dr. Strangelove though

Alright nobody's picking up over here

Alright no milk bar

What else we got

The Acropolis

Here we go we got a Greek restaurant

Maybe it's Malacca time bitch

We haven't been to Malacca in a while eh

Eh?

Huh?

I go to the milk bar

Before I get an ultra-vital

You go to the milk bar

Probably got drinks that cost like

12 bucks

All milky drinks

I can't mix alcohol and dairy

two cents per minute that shit just curdles up the belly of fucking fatness you know the one

with tom cruise fucks his ex-wife what's that eyes wide shut i've never seen one hello hi is

this the greek stupid restaurant no it's not uh what is this place what do i call

yeah you do greek food right isn't this souvlaki yeah but it's not a greek place anymore

so what do you do now souvlaki what is in that greek

Hey, listen, I want that flaming cheese.

I want it to go.

The flaming cheese to go.

To go, yeah.

I want you to do the fire cheese, the cheese that you light on fire.

You know what I'm talking about?

Isn't that souvlaki?

Now, what's the cheese that you light on fire with the vodka?

i'm gonna break so i don't know i'm gonna light some souvlaki there if that's okay with you i'm

bringing in a skillet and some fucking feta cheese and vodka and a book of matches all right so what

do you have vodka there hello old woman old woman she's there she didn't hang out fucking

cunt i can't call her back i'm just listening still yeah i call her a cunt i don't care i don't

fuck see if she picks up i doubt it though this call is two cents per minute let's ring it at

least and she's not going to pick up maybe later um tuck hey um the uh confederacy the the children

of the confederacy are having their annual convention we've called them just about every

year we're going to be doing a show tomorrow again 3 p.m eastern standard time three to six

so we um yeah you know two years ago i started a whole brouhaha at the hotel when i um reported

that one of them had taken a shit in the pool maybe that was three years ago i don't know larry

man mentioning tom cruise runs in it runs in every movie he's in yeah you got a point um it's hard to

hey i know tom cruise is a crazy fuck um definitely by those i saw the scientology

promotional videos he made that are really fucking crazy i don't know if you ever seen

those talk but oh my fucking god he's talking about like yeah and i'll be so i i sent you

Do the link to the milk bar scene in Clockwood Orange to know what I'm talking about.

You sent it?

All right, cool.

Let me see if I can grab that.

Where'd you send that to?

To the old messenger machine over there?

Yeah, the messenger machine.

All right, cool.

Well, where'd you send it?

On Skype?

I don't see it.

Google.

I can see it on Skype.

Would it be easier?

Yeah, I'd do that.

That works.

I think, yeah, because I don't know where it went on Google.

I'm not fucking paying attention.

Anywho, it's hard to hit on Tom Cruise.

I know he's a crazy fucker, but some of those movies are good.

I don't know.

It's like I got to, you got to admit, what's the one Minority Report was fucking good?

He's all right.

People give him all that shit, but he's okay.

Minority Report was a good movie, man.

You can't blame, you can't say that Minority Report wasn't a good movie.

That was cool.

Trying to call this.

It wasn't an okay movie.

It wasn't the greatest movie he did.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Yeah, I hear you.

You're saying that because you're racist.

You don't like aliens.

Isn't he like a level 5 Thetan?

Isn't he like one of the highest?

Didn't they make up a level for him?

I'm pretty sure they did.

They made up a level of Scientology level fucking just for Tom Cruise.

They're like, yeah, he's a level fucking 5 Thetan.

They just made it up.

Oh, yeah.

He's a Jesus level.

He's like their Jesus.

Yeah.

Tom Cruise is fucking the Scientology Jesus.

Yeah.

Anyway.

All right.

So let's continue on.

They're obviously not going to pick back up at that fucking place where I had the argument with a lady about Suvlaki.

The fuck Suvlaki is.

Jensen says the Thetans are the bad guys.

I understand.

Customs House Waterfront Hotel.

Let's try them.

They're in Australia.

Call is two cents per minute.

Yeah, I like the new Google, girl.

Fucker.

Welcome to Customs House Waterfront Hotel.

This is Donna.

Hey, Big Donna.

How you doing, girl?

Good, thank you.

That's good.

I want you to put me down for one space.

For a room, was it?

No, spaces.

Spaces.

What's that over there on the phone that you got going on?

What was that?

Huh?

What's that all about?

Sorry?

What's that all about, the attitude with the phone?

Okay, I don't know what you mean.

Are you being nasty?

No, I'm not.

Are you talking back?

No.

Why don't you put a man on the phone for me, please?

Go over there and get a man for me, all right?

May I ask who's calling?

This is Garson DeBromelo.

May I speak to you, gentlemen?

speaking uh i speak to a man

There's no man here at the moment.

Maybe that's what the problem is with the women being all sassy and cycling at the same time.

How long have you two broads been over there working together at this point?

She didn't want to answer.

Yes, sir.

But it's true.

They start cycling all together and shit.

Skype was doing an echo over there.

The fuck?

She don't want to deal with it.

I'm going to ask her again about that.

This call is, too, since a minute.

This is a custom test for the fun hotel.

This is Karen.

Hey, Big Karen, how are you doing?

Good.

I think, did you hang up the phone or did it disconnect?

Me?

Yeah.

Oh, were you talking about us being sassy or something?

A little bit.

Yes, I hung up.

I thought you were being rude to me and I'd only just picked up the phone.

Because I thought maybe you don't know how to use the phone since you're Australian and you're a woman.

That you don't know how to operate the machine.

She's not having it.

I'll try one more time here.

You know, I say that.

What this call is to cents per minute.

Is this Karen?

It is.

All right, Karen, I want to say I'm sorry.

If I hear another chauvinist comment, I'll hang up the game.

Okay.

What would you like?

I need two spaces, please.

As in accommodation or restaurant booking?

And the first thing I need you to do is stop talking back like that, please,

because you're being rude and nasty, and I'm just trying to be nice.

I've just asked you a question.

I have not answered anything back.

Jack, I asked you two spaces.

Would you like restaurant booking or accommodation booking?

What do you think spaces are for?

I don't understand.

Two spaces.

Do you expect me to have my space in a room

or have my space sitting down eating some kind of food?

What kind of sense does that make?

Well, you're not making sense to me.

If you want two spaces, I don't know.

Do you mean two rooms or do you mean two seats at the table?

Are the painters in?

Is that what the problem is?

Pardon?

Are the painters in?

You're not making any sense whatsoever.

If you'd like to make a booking, just say you'd like to make a booking.

If you can't, listen, honey.

Would you like accommodation or food?

I'm not going to argue with you.

Okay, but I don't want to argue with you, too, either, honey, all right?

I just want to make this, make it happen, all right?

I just want to make this, get the spaces.

Right, well, just tell me.

Okay.

What dates are we talking?

Are we talking accommodation or restaurant?

I need two spaces for Saturday and Sunday.

so you're talking

accommodation

are the

is the problem

if you can't give me

spaces because

and what sort of room

would you like

are the painters in

is that what the problem is

tell me if that's what it is

it's okay

I don't get that question

at all

like you know

all I'm asking

you want two

two nights accommodation

Saturday and Sunday

is that what you're saying

are the painters in

is there red paint

on the old curtains

over there

is that what's going on

I mean does it happen

at the same time

she doesn't

she doesn't want to

fucking answer the questions

about the painters

You know what I mean ladies all the ladies out there painters are in the night. I mean that means you're not

Called the old ball and chain grill

grill. All right, cool. Story of my life. Yeah, this is the grill, right? Over there

in Australia. Yeah, listen, I had a little bit of an issue when I came in over there

and I need to speak to the man in charge. What do you kind of do there? What do you

do there? You just answer the phone, right? Yeah. Okay. So why don't you put someone in

charge on the phone because it's going to be nasty

because I'm going to say bad words and I'm going to get upset

and yell. Is that what you want me to do

that to you? Stupid. What a stupid

fucking idea.

You're the crazy echo.

Yeah, I don't like calling. I don't know why we're getting such

a fucking echo. I don't want to do this show.

That's what's going to be fucking happening.

Let's see. It was just in that one.

I think it's because you're calling

Tasmania.

Okay, let's call Miss Strawberry.

She is in

Florida. She is an angry

Angry Black Escort.

Awesome.

Let's do it, everybody.

This one comes from Lonesome Loser, who's checking in with us tonight.

There you go.

This is our fifth-year anniversary fucking show.

They all want.

Yeah.

All right.

Do it.

They all want Angry Black Escort.

I should probably call from a local number, right?

Oops.

That can be arranged.

Hello?

Hey, what do you say there, big girl?

The strawberry?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, big girl.

Listen, I'm looking to, you know, have the company of an old lady over there.

Where are you located?

I'm in the International Drive area.

I'm here for some stupid fucking convention.

Fucking home run.

This attitude is getting me nowhere.

I shouldn't say curse words.

I should've picked up the phone.

Pick up the phone.

That's my bad. That was a bad attempt.

I was very, I don't know, amateurish.

We got another stupid Florida escort here.

Oh, dude,

she had that song.

Wait a minute, did you hear her song? Fuck her.

Did you hear what song she's got? She's got fucking

Johnny Rebel song on her voicemail.

Hang on, let's hear that.

that he's a you didn't hear it i was like i love dirt i hate niggers yes sir i know that we used

to play those kind of music on the show it's not that we're racist it's just funny

it's not connecting through though hang on let's try it again here we go all right maybe she'll

pick up but if not i want to hear this stupid uh stupid voicemail do i have any i think i deleted

all that shit i might have johnny rubble we gotta play with a disclaimer the opinions and words of

Johnny Rubber, Victoria, now, now, yeah, so apparently, I was gonna say, she's, she's a

black escort, but apparently, someone's already hacked that, and they already added, they

already added, that obviously was not their real legit voicemail, I was gonna say, that's

Okay, perfect.

That's good.

Good fucking loot, sir.

I didn't want to change it because that's awesome.

I wonder how long she's had it like that.

She hasn't noticed.

That's really fucking funny.

She had no messages, though.

All empty.

Oh, well.

Okay.

We're going to Jones in England.

Hey, wake up call, right?

What time is it over there now?

Six, four in the morning?

Five in the morning?

Some shit?

We got listeners here.

A lot of people in the chat.

What's going on?

Man, not many.

Oh, nine titles.

Not bad, not bad.

We got four on Ustream.

It's not a regular show night.

We got 14 on Cacti.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention,

we're also subbing for RBCP.

He is out of town, everybody.

Oh, that's cool.

Who is that?

Yeah, he's cool.

Hello?

Mr. Jones?

Can you hear me?

He just hung up.

What time is it in the UK?

Noonoo let us know.

I think it's like five in the morning over there.

Yeah, he's dead asleep.

Yeah, he's like,

Some of the best ones we've done

have been at this time.

Let's try them again.

Again, maybe he'll pick up the second time.

RBCP is dead.

Breaking news, everybody.

RBCP is dead.

Again.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

RBPC.

Hello?

Hey, Mr. Jones, what happened before?

Did you fall down?

Are you okay?

Yeah, 6 o'clock in the morning, yeah.

It's what time?

6 o'clock in the morning.

Who are you?

Yeah, this is your 6 a.m. wake-up call.

You have your schedule down here for a 6 a.m. wake-up call

through the World Cup texting thing that you did during the World Cup.

6 a.m.?

you signed up for a phone call wake-up calls at 6 a.m and make sure he's up guys this is my

responsibility so i gotta wake it up gotta wake it up gotta wake it up this call is two cents per

minute rzp that fuck died and left me with a corrupted uh mp3 database with corruption hello

hello listen i was just i was just explaining to the gentleman to mr jones that this is the

6 a.m wake-up call it's my responsibility to make sure that he's up and out of bed

Right. Mr. Jones actually died in April, so you haven't spoken to Mr. Jones.

Well, I've got you down here for a 6 a.m. wake-up call, so now I'm confused.

That is false information, so you need to take that off the computer and stop calling, okay?

Our system is perfect. It's near perfect.

Well, that system is rubbish. I work in trading standards, and I know exactly what kind of phone call this is.

Now, stop calling, otherwise I'll call the police.

Listen, I can't mess with the phone machine until next Monday when our systems department is in.

They're not even stabbed.

I don't care.

Now stop calling.

I'm just saying...

If you break my baby up,

if you break my baby up,

I will be on the phone to the police

quicker than you today, 9-11.

Now bye-bye.

Do you need to opt out?

No.

I gotta call her back

and see if she needs to opt out.

Hang on.

Let's try it again.

I mean, all she has to do is opt out.

Toe-toe.

If you bring my baby out.

This call is to cents per minute.

It's time for baby feeding.

Oh, they're gonna be fucking piled.

I think they just picked up and hung up.

up. What a bunch of bastards. Forget it.

So, apparently, there's another

chat room. Yeah.

Well, a phone loser's chat room. Is that what you're talking

about? I gotta watch them both.

Yeah, they're saying they're all over there.

Who's all over there? The Madhouse

people? There's a lot of people there.

Maybe the phone loser's a loser, people.

Everyone who's in our chat room,

head over to Cacti Radio if you want to.

CactiRadio.com, and they're on

Fnet server, pound phone losers.

Pound phone losers on Fnet

if you're on IRC. Or just go to their sites.

Our site.

I'm on it, too.

Well, what is trading standards anyway?

Nunes says it's rather important.

Trading standard.

It sounds like a magazine or something.

Why is it rather important?

I don't know why it's rather important.

Give us some sort of detail, some information.

Don't just say it's rather important and we can't believe you.

Give us something to work with here, motherfucker.

All right, this is the first prank call to that crazy Arab guy.

I'm going to go eat some meatballs real quick.

Give me like three minutes.

I'll be right back.

From Allah, you should stay away from it.

This is the first one or the second one?

It cuts off the very beginning where I'm saying

As-salamu alaykum and he says it back to me

As-salamu alaykum

I've got to skip forward in the track here to get to it

Here we go

I'm an American citizen

Well this is against your religion to be an American citizen

Open for me chapter 3 verse number 28

It says clearly that you cannot be an American citizen

And a Muslim at the same time

So did you decide

Did you decide to leave Islam

No, listen, tell me what chapter it is again, so I can look it up.

Chapter 3, verse number 28.

There's no verse 28 in chapter 3.

Amazing.

So what kind of Quran you have?

Which version you have?

What do you mean, which version you have?

Chapter 3, verse number 28.

Well, which version of it?

Our own version, or which one?

It doesn't matter what version.

Do you know what the chapter 3, how many verses?

Okay, let me ask you.

Do you know chapter 3

How many verses in there

Do you have an idea

In my version there is 22

In my chapter 3 version

Chapter 22 in the Oliver Stone version

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 has 200 verses

Chapter 3

Has 200 verses

How come you could not find

This is not the modern Quran

This is not the modern Quran sir

That you are reading an out of date

Illegitimate Quran

Modern Quran

Okay what is that

What is called the modern Quran

Do you know

Do you have the Bible there

Can you go to Job

The fuck with that happened

I was listening to that

Piece of shit

And then after that

Is that a problem for you

Answer

That you're reading

An out of date

Illegitimate Quran

Modern Quran

Okay what is that

What is called the modern Quran

Do you know

Do you have the Bible there

Can you go to Job

No no no

We are talking about the Quran

Don't change the topic

In the book of Job

Don't change the topic

First I accuse you to be a liar

Because the chapter 3 verse 28

Is in every Quran

Name for me the Quran which don't have

Verse number 28

From where are you from?

Is that a problem for you?

Answer me

Chapter 3 verse 28

Why you are a coward?

Why you don't want to answer?

Why you are running from the topic?

You are, listen

Listen ma'am, listen

Listen to me

Listen, listen, first

If you are a Muslim

Tell me what is the first verse in the Quran

To meditate first

No problem

You are a fake Muslim

You are a liar

You are a Muslim, right?

You are not a Muslim, right?

You are a joker

You are a joker, right?

Shut up

how many fathers

listen, listen, how many fathers

I have? yes

let me tell you the bad news, you are my brother

because my father was a bad guy

and he used to do a lot of muta

and I can tell it from your voice that we are brothers

shut up, and get lost, don't call me again

ok, what a filthy person you are

what a filthy guy

there is no verse in the Quran

chapter 23

it does not exist, where in the Quran

is it there?

it's not there is that right and he's calling me from las vegas this is a good muslim what are you

doing in las vegas muslim no wonder you have a new version of uh of you know this is casino version

of the quran brother i'm calling you from las vegas and allah said don't do gambling but i

like to gamble to make charities i had the wrong quran his son told him you should see how many

how many names in this ban list in the in the phone list yeah like you know muslim the muslims

they attack other nations and then enslave people and they take their money why you think because

they are bad no they want to give utilities to the poor yeah i can show it to you from the quran

we attack them we still uh steak man for you okay uh this is john from 363 what we're in

I'm Mesa.

Just a second.

I'm going to through, okay?

Hello?

Can I help you?

Uh-huh.

Calling me what?

Calling Walmart.

Is it Walmart?

They're calling me a Walmart.

We're calling a Walmart?

Who's calling a Walmart?

Ma'am, just one second.

Give me your phone.

It's Walmart?

No, this is not Walmart.

Where is it?

This is, uh,

I'll catch you through.

You can call your customer at Walmart.

How can I help you?

Sorry, what?

Someone just called me from this number, and, uh,

this is a business, though.

So you don't know anybody that works here, or?

Sorry, I just got the wrong number, then.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Found one of those songs, Tuck.

I know you love them.

Ring that bell, shout for joy.

White men's day is here.

Give their all.

Bust and burst them with fear.

Send those apes back to the tree.

Ship those niggers back.

Ring that bell, shout for joy.

That's horrible, Tuck.

Why would you play something like that?

All right, everybody.

Madhouse Radio back for a few more prank calls.

We've got some time left here.

1.11 a.m. on the East Coast.

That is not in my iTunes.

I'm liking your iTunes.

It is in my iTunes.

I get every single MP3 on my server.

So there you go.

It's all there, fucker.

It's all there.

All right, everybody.

We're going to do some more prank calls.

Let's call Cheese in England.

give her a wake-up call 6 11 a.m over there we'll do a 6 15 uh wake-up call give me a moment here

and let me do this a little copy paste a little connect a little wait a little answer a little

adjust microphone because this call is two cents per minute a little making a show hello yes hello

Hello, hi, this is the King residence.

Hello, yes, I'm calling with your 6.15 a.m. wake-up call.

I have you down for a 6.15 a.m. wake-up call.

The system put me through to you.

Are you awake?

Hello.

I need you to confirm your authorization code

and make sure I'm speaking to the right person

so we can end the call.

Oh, then the system's going to keep calling you

until you enter it in the phone

and to make sure that you're awake.

Hey, big guy.

Hello, awake?

You fucking ass.

That's funny.

Fuckin' hell. Fuckin' hell!

Dual weather forecast, but get it wrong.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Make sure instead of dash, he says stroke.

What?

Digits and stuff.

Yeah.

Welcome to voicemail. The person you have called is unavailable. Please...

Alright, we got another one.

So give her a call, we'll give her the weather report.

Hey, what do you say there, big girl?

How's it going, big...

Yeah, this is your 6.15 a.m. wake-up call.

I also have your weather forecast.

Weather forecast for today is a sunny 62 degrees.

No, you're signed up here for a morning wake-up call, 6.15 a.m.

You're a resident, you're a guest here, and we're supposed to wake you up 6.15 a.m.

You signed up for the voicemail weather option?

Right. Now, could you cancel that then, please?

You need to opt out by, I believe, let me look here.

You have to hit star zero pound in order to opt out.

Right. So what else is it signed up for then?

Weather report, World Cup reports, but that's already over.

And you get the joke of the week on Fridays.

And you do have a free trial for the horoscope, daily horoscope,

but you haven't signed up for it yet.

I don't want to do that.

So tell me, when was that signed up for then?

When was that?

Yesterday.

No, I didn't do anything.

I haven't signed anything up.

Well, you finished the registration yesterday.

You signed up during the World Cup.

I don't know if you were watching the coverage or something else.

No, I haven't signed anything up.

No, I haven't.

Well, until you opt out...

No, I haven't.

The system will keep...

How could I have signed it?

Just tell me, how was it signed up?

Via telephone machine.

No, definitely not.

Definitely, definitely not.

You don't have a telephone machine?

Because it seems to me like you're talking on one right now.

I don't have a telephone machine, yes, of course.

I haven't signed anything up.

I haven't asked anybody to do anything.

I haven't signed anything up.

Well, you did.

You did, because this is a near-perfect system.

So you need to opt out or something.

Well, I'm afraid it...

Who are you, anyway?

This is Garson Debromolo.

I work for Telephone,

International Business Telephone Machines.

Well, all I'm saying is

I haven't signed anything up.

I haven't spoken to anybody,

and I don't want it.

I haven't done anything.

I'm not paid a pound to take something off that I haven't got.

Do I have to pay for this service?

Yeah, eventually, I think, yeah, at the end of the month.

Right, no, right, right, at the end of the month.

Uh-huh.

Right, okay, right.

Give me a number who I ring.

Uh-huh.

Just give me a ring.

No, you have all this information already.

Where from?

Well, when you signed up for the program for the service, it's, I mean, do you...

Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Just listen to me.

When was I supposed to have signed up for this?

When was it? When? During the...

Well, yesterday was when the billing was set up, and that's when the system kicked in.

For your first wake-up call today.

Hold on a second.

I'm supposed to say, like, the weather and congratulations for setting up.

I don't want to know the weather. I don't want to know anything about anything at all.

I can do it all myself.

Just tell me, just tell me when this was supposed to have been signed up.

When it was supposed to be signed up?

During the World Cup?

At some point during the World Cup?

No, no, no.

When was it supposed to have been signed up for?

When?

For 6.15 in the morning, every Monday through Friday.

No, no.

What is supposed to have authorized this service to be done?

July 20th.

I don't, I don't, it's just because I have an accident.

No, no, no.

So to my question, please, was I supposed to have asked for this service yesterday?

Yes, this is the 20th.

You ordered it originally during the World Cup,

and you finished setting it up yesterday by filling out your billing information.

You chose phone billing as it's going to come up on your phone statement for your phone machine use.

Give me a phone number.

Who are some contacts?

I don't know.

You have to dial star zero pound six one one to opt out.

All right.

zero pound one no stars no listen please star zero pound dot zero pound six one one six one one

star zero pound the star button the zero button and the pound button on the phone machine right

who are you i'm garson de bromelow with international business telephone machines

Right. Well, I don't want you to. Please don't ring me tomorrow.

No, I'm not doing any of that. I'm going to ring up the telephone, please.

Well, I'm just telling you, until someone puts down here, one of the people here puts in the computer that they've read out to you the weather.

No one's spoken to me. Nobody's spoken to me.

You haven't even let me give the weather to you, so I can't put complete...

I don't want the weather.

I can't...

I don't want it.

I can't put...

I don't want...

I have to...

I don't want the weather.

I know.

I don't want you to phone up.

But listen, if you want...

I don't want it.

If you want us to stop, you have to listen.

Oh, we're going to have to call back.

I warned her.

You just got to listen sometimes, folks.

Can't get it back into FNAT.

Did FNAT crash also?

FNAT took a shit.

Trying to get back into Phone Losers chat.

Hello?

Listen, what I'm trying to explain...

I don't want it.

Don't bring me back again.

There's only one way to stop it.

If you'd listen to me, please.

She's not listening.

All right.

She's really a little worried.

There we go.

We're back in the fucking phone loser's room.

All right, finally.

Just in time for that prank.

Hold on.

Alrighty.

Calling Mr. Windsor if it will dial.

Nope.

Try again.

Do some copy-paste over here.

A little bit of connecting.

Sir, are you actually trying to find logic and racism?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Stupid idea, you think?

You think that's a stupid freaking idea?

Waiting for it to connect.

Yeah, well, you start trying to find logic in illogical thoughts.

Yeah, I know.

I don't know what your trouble is.

I don't know either, dude.

Hey, this is not picking up.

I don't know what's going on here.

Trying to get it to pick up.

DJ Windsor, any second now.

Nope.

22 a.m.?

22 a.m. in the Pacific?

6.22 in the U.K.

Oh, Nuna Rita.

It's time to get up and, uh...

It's time to do...

It's time to do some shit, everybody.

Nindy sent me the joke of the day.

I think they wake up and eat beans and, uh...

Dailed fish.

Didn't we keep calling two weeks ago a guy in Australia,

give him a sports report or something?

World Cup Sports Update report.

And he's like, I didn't order this.

Oi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

To Germany.

Yeah, it was Germany.

Yeah, well, Germany was playing.

Yeah.

And Germany had lost

I don't know

I think that's show man

Is it?

No

The day that I take to do it

At work

I just took a nap in between

Helping out customers

I was tired

I'm a slacker

It's two thirds of the way done

I just haven't gotten to it yet

I will

I got a number for Ray

For Ray

We got a number for Ray

Just call Ray okay

Fuck it just call Ray

You should call Milkman

Take his asleep

you know this google voice ain't working all that good anymore all right let's try jerking skype

here we go google voice but you are using skype to use the cost of this call yep two cents per

minute there's something explained about that i just can't get through it right now yeah i need

to get kind of giving us a welcome back yeah good to see ken i haven't seen ken in a while

Well, shout out to you.

Hello.

How are you doing there, big guy?

This is your 1.25 a.m.

6.25, I'm sorry.

This is your 6.25 a.m. wake-up call.

I'm also ready with your joke of the day and the weather report.

Are you up now, sir?

Where are you from?

I'm calling from the call center, Chicago, Illinois.

I know you're in the U.K.

Yeah, well, don't fucking call in.

You're in the bloody apartment in the morning when I'm on the way to get up.

Listen, you've got a wake-up call you signed up for at 6.25 a.m.,

and I'm calling you to wake you up,

and you bloody well are going to listen to the...

Who signed me up?

What number have you got?

I got...

Do you sign up for this during the World Cup coverage?

You send a text message to set up for...

No, I didn't send you nothing during the World Cup coverage.

Is this not Ray...

This is Ray...

Yeah.

Okay, so you signed up for a morning wake-up call

at 6.25 a.m. and a weather report

and a sports update and the joke of the day.

Every day in the morning we call you.

We've been doing this for weeks.

Well, you ain't called me, mate.

You ain't, ain't, ain't, ain't heard you.

Well, unless you opt out, you're going to keep getting a phone call until I put here my computer machine that you got your wake-up call.

You better help me out, Mike, because I'm going to call you and I'm selling out for anything, so I don't know who's having a laugh.

Well, I've got to do my responsibility here, and I've got to do my job.

Yeah, well, I'm not giving you for that, but you better help me out, Mike.

This is the way it goes, sir. I need to, you know...

Yeah, all right, all right, all right, you know, you're just pretty stupid, because this is the first time that I've had it, yeah?

I don't know, I don't understand your stupid...

It sounds like somebody's playing a joke or something, or somebody's having something stupid.

I wish I could understand your stupid accent, but I can't, sir, so...

No, well, well, well, what I'm saying to you, because I've just got out of bed, mate, right?

Oh, okay.

What I'm saying to you is, somebody, it sounds like somebody is playing a joke.

Do you think someone signed you up on accident?

Someone signed something up or something.

But it says here that this is your name and this is your number, so obviously you signed up for it.

It has your name here written down on the papers.

Yeah, well, you got my name, right? And you got the number, right?

Well, that's you.

But I never signed up for it.

Well, it's you, sir.

Yeah, it might be me, sir, but it isn't me that signed up for it.

Do you know what I mean?

It wasn't me.

Okay, crazy old man.

I know you're a little seen now.

Are you ready for the weather report?

I'm going to have to read this out to you because I've got other calls to get to this morning.

I have someone with a 6.30 a.m. wake-up call.

You ready?

Yeah.

Are you opting me out, by the way, first of all?

Am I what?

Are you taking me off of your list?

Well, you have to opt out first yourself.

Right.

So how do I opt out of it?

You have to hit star, zero, pound, 611 on your phone to opt out.

Well, you have to do it while the system is connected.

You have to do it now, so.

Zero, pound, 611.

Yeah, 611.

Right.

Yeah, go ahead and do your report.

All right, well, get over with it and do it now.

Hurry up.

I'll keep the line open.

Sir.

Okay.

It didn't take it.

It said that you took too long to hit the pound.

Oh, I don't worry about it now.

I'm going to put the phone down.

Well, try it again. One more time.

Yeah, take it. One more time, old man.

That's all you had to do. Old bastard.

You got that weird noise on the phone now because

I had to plug in the laptop.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Hello. Hello.

Alright, he's not playing anymore. Alright, that was fun.

Let's see if we got any more numbers.

Let's try to call that DJ Windsor again and see if it works now.

I think we cleared up a line.

Fixed up a little bit.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Okay.

So the microphone is now

now suffering from radiation.

Yep, yep.

Come on.

Come on, phone.

Come on, phone machine.

You can do it.

Ah, boy.

The phone machine is too busy losing hair.

They were listening for a while.

They're like, where's the pound button here?

He actually said it out loud.

Hey, where's the pound button?

Yeah.

He had the Ozzy Osbourne kind of accent.

It must be from the same part of the UK.

I don't know where exactly.

That's where he is.

All right, I think that's it.

We're out of here

Talk your website

It's tuckermike.com

My website is

Madhouselive.com

Yes it is

I give up

Hope you enjoyed

Our show machine tonight

We're following you

Please

We love you

Yeah

Tomorrow

Tomorrow more show

Really

Tomorrow's more show

Yeah

Tomorrow's more show

3pm

Oh yeah

3pm Eastern tomorrow

12 noon will be on

And thank you very much

Good night

Thank you Liz and Loser

And Noonoo

For sending in numbers

And everyone who was

In the chat room

I love you all.

Calls (11, 53 min of 1 h 12 min)

Transcript

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