Lisa Frank Pencils

Okay.

Sergio made threats and racial comments to the customer.

What?

No, just write that down, because I'm just trying to, I mean, it's cool.

Just write that down to help me out a little.

No, you're saying that I said something?

No, but just the first, but I'll tell our DM, you know, because it'll help me out in my case a little bit.

I'm just, you know.

No, no, no.

No, that could cost me my job.

No, I cannot do that.

Who the fuck is this?

Who is this?

You are listening to the Pouse Radio Podcast.

Who the fuck is this?

I'm down the wrong way over there.

What's here tonight?

Hey, everybody.

Good evening.

It's Madhouse Radio.

Shit is on the air.

Madhouse Shit Show.

Thank you, everybody, for tuning in.

Madhouse Radio, show your turd.

Hi, guys.

It's Pauly up.

Pauly up.

Tuck's over there.

10-minute station.

We're ready to do a show tonight.

Send in your numbers, requests, and things to do.

Make me work.

Madhouse Radio, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

I mean, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, it's Madhouse Radio.

MSN Messenger users, madhouseatlive.com.

What am I eating herbal bacon ass?

Almonds.

And I dumped a half container of adobo in the fucking thing.

I shook it up.

Nunu saying the fat twit is eating.

Thank you.

Tuck, I turned you up a little bit.

You should be okay now.

It might be a little louder now.

Turn the music down too.

That helps out sometimes.

So, so, so, we all goody?

All right, there you go.

Good.

All right, folks.

Numbers coming in from Brendan.

Nunu might be sending in numbers.

The dead saying he doesn't care.

And he calls me by my real name, Carlos.

and we'll call him the n-word and we'll see what his response will be i'll go in and pull the

lonesome loser logs also suck you did a show earlier today how'd that go man what did you do

did you talk on the phone and make noises it was fun uh talk to the phone and make noises

yeah yeah we're like meep meep big what's up to lols haylander checking in in the satellite

chat room hello lols let's see you fucking asshole how you doing all right let's go ahead and call

the do drop in in hanoi let's see if they're open yet how do you call people in the skype oh yeah

yeah call calling it says calling well the phone's busy that's a good sign that means they're open

bitch and i great news great fucking news uh we get enough people interested we'll do some uh

put the call button above the uh on top of that little list there we'll use the mac maybe there

should be a call button on the mac that's too bad they don't even like to put uh apples don't like

to have yeah hi i don't know why there's no buttons on this thing over here when i'm trying

to call and it keeps making noises back when i'm calling you yeah who is calling i'm calling the

dew drop and to make a rest uh reserve not a reservation but i want to make well a reservation

for food you know where you know you do the deal they have this new deal now where you call in you

say what you need and you make a payment and you pick it up and go oh you want to order first well

it's this new thing that you supposed to make order first yeah is that what are you calling

You need to order first, then come pick up.

Do they do that in this country?

Because this is a foreign country, so I don't know if you do it or not, you know?

No.

All right.

So, what do you got, beef and broccoli?

Yeah, beef, broccoli, half.

What's the number four?

Pardon?

Number four.

You mean the beef, broccoli?

Yeah, and the number four.

You have number four?

Number four.

Let me see the number.

Number four.

You have a menu?

No, I'm just guessing.

And the number four is pretty good.

I have that back at home.

Number one, two, three, four.

Number four is onion pancake.

Onion pancake?

Yeah.

What's the number 12 then?

12 is soup.

Soup?

Yeah.

It's just generic soup?

What do you put in the soup?

Almonds?

It's like fish for tofu soup.

You have fish?

You got fish in it?

No, just fish cake.

You got fish soup?

No.

You have nothing with fish there?

No, no fish.

You got just fish cake.

And you got soup though, right?

Yeah.

It's table, tofu inside.

All right.

So what do we take?

We mix some stuff together.

what do you got adobo there no you want to come in order here you want to come and see the picture

menu easy for you is there a man wait 10 minutes hey baby is there a man i can talk to about that

you know no is he back there i hear him i was talking to him before uh better for you come here

better for me talk to the man better for me talk to the man i think oh you now you're gonna

get it no you don't hung up on carlita i'm trying to get trying to get a hold of this man again

get it you're gonna get the hot belt now baby i'm gonna tell her just like that i'm just gonna get

the hot belt i'm warming up my belt right now for you nice and toasty camera's up too high

falling at the fucking ceiling that was better i was pointing to my gut like my shirt took hello

hey buddy yes listen i'm gonna get the hot belt together over there these women are mis uh

miscomporting themselves on the phone.

Okay, so you want an order to go?

Yeah, but I don't want to talk to that woman again

because she messes up orders.

Oh, you want to talk to a woman?

No, I want to talk to you.

Are you a woman?

Okay.

Maybe you're a woman.

Okay, go ahead.

Okay, stupid.

I want the number four.

It's the onion crab cakes.

Huh?

Onion crab cake number four.

Wait, wait, wait.

Let me check.

What?

It's the number four.

Number four, not lumber.

Number four is onion pancakes?

Onion crab cakes, yeah.

Onion pancake, pancake, yeah.

Crab cake, yeah.

One order?

One order of crab cakes.

Are those blue crab or stone crab that you use for that?

No, no, no.

That's onion pancake.

Pancake, not for crab.

Is pan crabs?

No, pancake.

You know pancake?

You pan fry the crab.

Yeah, I know what a crab cake is.

No, not for crab.

Not for crab.

Onion pancake.

Pancake is the flour, make it in one, second one, and cut it one piece, one piece.

It's called onion.

Green onion, green onion, green onion pancake.

Does it have semolina flour, or what kind of flour is it?

Yeah, this is for, like, and this is called Chinese pizza.

I know it's a Chinese pizza now.

I thought it was a crab cake or a pancake.

Yeah, yeah, pancake, onion pancake, yes.

What about the pizza now?

What's that?

What number is that?

Number six?

Number six.

That's the soup.

Number six is soup.

Soup?

Fish soup, yeah.

no no no no no oh maybe and you this menu is long time ready no this menu is from i live in florida

and i have i have a chinese restaurant menu oh this different different different this and uh

yeah this chinese restaurant this and yeah i know it's a franchise right it was the same menu so

okay so now you want onion pancake and what else is there onion onion pancakes uh like stone crabs

You say you want onion, pancake, one piece, right?

Yeah, and a stone crab.

No, this is not for crab.

But you don't have any crab there, any imitation crab meat, anything you make with that?

No.

No? What kind of seafood you got? Any flounder?

You talk about seafood?

Yeah, I was eating tuna and it reminded me of your mother, so I thought I'd call in, maybe get seafood or something.

Seafood, we have shrimp and scallop.

Uh-huh.

You want it and...

But, I mean, your mother, does it smell like seafood when she opens her legs?

Like hot seafood that's been out for a little while?

Hot seafood?

Yeah, when your mother opened her legs.

My mother?

When she opens her legs, it smells like hot seafood.

No, what are you talking about?

You know the smell?

What are you talking about, my mother?

Yeah, she smells bad down there when she opens her legs.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, yeah, it says here in the paper.

No, no, no, no, no.

I think you made the wrong place.

I think you're making a mistake.

Yeah, this is do drop in Chinese restaurant.

Yeah, do drop in Chinese restaurant, yeah.

Yeah, so, okay.

Can you come to my store?

You can lose paper and my...

No, no, you take this order or, you know, there's going to be trouble for you.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, yeah, there's trouble for you.

No, no, no, no, no, no, because you talk something I don't understand, okay?

I'm very busy.

You don't speak English?

Yeah, if you want to order, can you come to my store, okay?

No, no, no, look, you got a fax.

You got facts, damn it?

You stupid.

Hey, hey.

What?

Hey, come on.

You be careful, okay?

What are you talking about?

Because you're stupid.

You don't know English, and you don't listen to my order.

I'm telling you what I want, you know?

Hey, hey.

Uh-huh.

Hey, what are you talking about?

That you're stupid.

You're stupid.

Hey.

Yeah.

No, I said you want to order, you come, I still order, okay?

And I said you're stupid.

You don't know how to use the phone.

I fuck you, you son of a bitch.

That's not nice.

Finally got him going.

That wasn't nice at all

That's what he doesn't like

See we're learning about this guy

You're right

When you call him stupid

That's what he doesn't like

Alright remember that

Write that down Tuck

This is your job now

Milkman's dead so

Milkman

Milkman passed away

E.D.

Is it E or I?

No it's E

And there's a silent X at the end

Gotcha

Yeah

Stoopartics

Hello

Listen why did you hang up?

What happened?

I told you what happened you

No, I think you made a mistake because you're senile or dumb and stupid and you hung up the phone.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh.

Okay.

You did it on purpose?

No, no, no.

I'm very busy, okay?

But you're stupid.

You want to talk about something, can you come to my store?

Okay, police are waiting for you, okay?

How many police?

Where'd you call them?

What's their badge numbers?

Tell me.

Fuck you, you.

Stand up and face you.

That's not nice.

He's not too fun tonight, though.

Yeah, he gets somewhere with them, but, you know.

He's a hard-roaring pizza guy.

Yeah.

Of course, I told you.

I said it was the Honoruru guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck you.

I don't want to be.

Dude, last show we did, at the end of it, I decided to play Jen Stewart Pranks.

Hello?

Yeah, what, what?

I'd like to make an order, please.

No, no, no, no, no.

I don't want to take an order, okay?

No, this is someone else.

If you order, you cut my store, okay?

I'm not the same guy.

No, no, no, no, no.

Get out of here.

Fuck you, you.

Fuck you, stupid.

No, no, no, no.

All right, cool.

He doesn't want to talk to us.

get out of here get out of here yeah get into my store get out of it get in and get out

fucking nutball what's it what do you think he's gonna do really if i showed up

if i showed up there what if i was in honnaruru and i showed up there hello sir how are you

it's chinese food man it's not pizza but what would he do what's he gonna do he said the

police is gonna be there so i don't know anyway oh that's right we're supposed to complain about

about the pepsi sign their logo on the front if you look at a picture of the place it looks like

the pepsi logo like straight up just pepsi pepsi logo that's not right they should be forced to

pay money for that earl bacon saying he sounds like a chinese version of red

yep so did you what kind of pranks did you do today did you have anything lawyers send out

did you have any good pranks man um what happened how'd it go i basically ended up with one premise

and just called it all through the show.

What was that?

Because I couldn't think of anything else.

What was that, Happy Me?

And I was married to it.

I was a politician.

Okay.

It evolved into somehow Gene Simmons being involved in it.

Gene Simmons, okay.

How Gene Simmons, okay.

Yeah.

Because the numbers I was being given was to those Las Vegas hooker ranches.

wow nice classy of you that's what you're calling them for why looking for support

yes all right cool yeah yeah my vote for um get the dirty hippies yeah who were uh

making it illegal for us to uh uh grow our own food fuck yeah that's right you know they they

put all all these rules to all these hippies liberals uh talk uh illuminatis putting in all

these rules about you can't grow this you got to put this here um you can't have too much water

You can only grow in certain seeds and can't have the copy of the seeds from the big manufacturer.

It's all a big conspiracy.

I don't know how I got on the subject, but Andy over here turned me on to Alex Jones.

And I think he's entertaining.

I like some of his stuff.

But he goes way off the deep end sometimes with conspiracy theories.

And that's when I lose interest in him because he thinks he's one of the truthers.

I think that probably the government didn't know to a certain extent about 9-11,

but I don't think that they perpetrated it.

I don't think there was a holographic plane that crashed into Tower No. 2.

A lot of bidding his own horn kind of guy, and it's really as bad,

the radio listening to it is as bad as listening to Rush Limbaugh.

Right.

As far as like show itself listening to it.

Some of it does get like that, that's true.

It's two minutes of him talking and then five minutes of the commercials.

commercials you send commercials every time every two minutes yeah five minute block of commercials

yeah i'll listen to very unlistenable i listen to the podcast i like i like it for some of the

stuff it's cool but um he he actually he uh crept into fucking um the bohemian club you know that's

the hole where the movers and shakers meet you know it's one of those uh gentlemen club that

no one else is supposed to be on there you know i'm talking about you know only the rich elite

go there

Google Bohemian Club

I don't want to get into

if Crazy Fucker

were around

so if he wasn't in jail

someone was asking

about him today

yeah did you tell

Crazy Fucker

shit we're getting

into now

no Crazy Fucker's in jail

Lonesome Loser

confirmed for us

he looked it up

we know his name

we know his old address

and his phone number

and I'm not

poking around

Crazy Fucker

did get incarcerated

again a few months ago

so he is in jail

the first time around

he did get

he was in prison

for making threats

Well, it doesn't surprise me.

Tuck, over here, and RBCP, along with Spessa and some overweight guy, do shows once a week.

Last night was the phone show, I think.

Did they do a show?

Do you know, Tuck?

Were you around?

You don't pay attention.

You're too busy coloring in the lines.

The phone show was last night.

Were you at the phone show?

We could have done the phone show.

The phone show was on.

Yeah, I listened to a little bit of it, yeah.

Okay, good.

So it was on.

It was cool, actually.

Good, good.

Tuck, you were on earlier tonight.

A lot of bitchy girls.

Yeah.

Bitching out people on the phone.

That's nice.

Evil Artie.

You're all friends of Evil Artie here.

You two are interesting.

Evil Artie's made several appearances on this show.

It was his birthday, 21st birthday.

I took him out for...

Hey, there's a Facebook post that you put not too long...

Today.

Yeah.

You want to explain that a little bit?

Yeah.

Well, Evil Artie and I went out for all-you-can-eat sushi and alcoholic drinks.

He had sake and Kirin beer.

And we had a lot of sushi.

A lot of sushi.

and then we went to the cigar place that i go to the cigar uh we went to lopez cigar bar and grill

and uh we drank some more there and then smoked a cigar and watched tv on the big flat screen and

the big couches that was fun and then uh we went to the mall we went to the mall and picked up his

prescription glasses and that was it we had a rocking time and i'm telling you i'm the coolest

guy ever i go out for sushi and uh cigars and go to the mall to pick up prescription glasses with

with my friends.

Holy shit.

I showed them a great time in town.

Same way as you go down

and hang out with you.

Yeah, I know.

Big...

Thanks, Doug.

Appreciate it.

Oh, like you do a lot.

You're frickin' hayseed over there.

What's a good time for you?

Go down to the old Dairy Queen?

I know.

Choke yourself out?

Think of my toes.

Help me.

You ain't not a flea

that is so now.

Wow.

All right.

Then we go up to the gas station

for a thing

and let it get us

and watch the reflection

We got the Woodman's 24-Hour Food Market.

Aurora, Illinois.

Isn't that where Wayne and Garth are from?

Or was it a different Aurora?

That ain't where, right?

No, that's Aurora, Illinois.

Aurora.

Like on Aruru?

Aurora.

Wayne's World's so unwatchable now.

How does this one help you?

Yeah, hi.

I'd like to make an order, please, for the number four.

Okay.

Number four.

Onion pancake?

Sure.

Yeah, sounds good.

Uh-huh.

I want like ten of those.

Uh-huh.

Anything else?

I want the number six soup.

Like a fish potato soup?

Yeah, I'll do five of those.

How many people eat?

You want large or small?

Me and Evil already.

But he eats a lot, you know.

He's overweight.

You're large size?

Yeah, he's large size.

I'm not.

I'm sexy.

I look good.

I'm handsome.

Okay.

And then on the flip, what do you offer there?

Which one?

After you flip over, when I go from my stomach to my back, do you offer anything at that point?

Hold on a minute, yeah?

Okay, thank you.

Yeah, may I help you?

Yeah, the chicken chow mein.

And what else then?

Chicken chow mein, and then do you have mushy pork at all?

Yeah, mushy pork, yes, we have.

Is the combination, does it come with white rice, or do you have to order the rice separate?

You want to order separate rice.

Do you have a house fried rice, or no?

Yeah, we have house fried rice.

That's the cheaper one?

House fried rice.

Wait a minute, let me double check.

Okay, that's fine.

Is that for a pint or a small, big container or a small one?

Okay, that's good.

And yeah, and can you have the woman shit and piss in the food for me a little bit?

Can the woman shit and piss in the food again a little bit?

Like, you know, what I'm getting at?

Well, no, I want her to do stuff in the food.

Do you understand, damn it?

Hello?

Sir?

Yeah, can the woman do that again to the food, what she did last time?

Yeah, she threw up in the food.

Yeah, stupid.

You're so stupid, you didn't know it was me.

When? Tonight?

What time are you there till, buddy?

I'm trying to have a conversation with him.

He won't talk.

I forgot the Pepsi prank again.

Again, whoops.

Thanks, Noonoo, for reminding me late.

Can she give a Shanghai steamer on the fried rice?

Wow.

Hey, man, that's just wrong.

Purple.

That's not necessary.

Tomsy's sending in some phone numbers.

Sending a number for a GameStop in Honoruru.

All right, we can do that.

Did you go to the milkman?

Is he ill or something?

Yeah, he's ill.

And I can't get him on the phone anymore.

If anybody out there sees or hears from Milkman, he's got an HTC Evo.

And he got his phones cut off, so I can't call him.

but i see him online all the time and i think he's got wi-fi on his evo and he's he's on a

google talk i think he's on right now but he i'll send him yeah i see his name on the chat

in the google chat he never answers me i send him messages it says he's on his android phone

so he's got his phone he's alive somewhere but he never fucking answers me i don't know i don't

know what happened right now he's sick the last i knew he was in the hospital in la really and

Andy says, good riddance.

Andy probably has something to do with it.

Andy's in that Freemasonry shit.

Andy's all into the Freemasons.

Oh, yeah, the Freemasons are awesome, he told me.

Before my wedding, he was giving me a ride to pick up my family.

I was flying into Baltimore.

He was all angry because he had to drive.

And we got up to this building in Wendy's, and there was a Freemason building next to it.

And he said, look at those guys.

They're awesome.

They don't have any windows on there.

They don't have any windows on their plate.

You ever see that?

that they've got like the windows but they're bricked up inside like i don't understand why

i even bother doing the window sill and everything like you see the building and it's got the outline

of the where the window would be and they'll say they put bricks in it to cover it up i don't think

that's right i don't think they should be doing that and what are the freemasons do anyway do they

do anything for charity they're just a bunch of rich people to meet up i gotta i gotta infiltrate

these freemasons i went to freemason uh funeral once there was this guy uh the grandfather of my

my ex-girlfriend he was a freemason he got he got into it he wasn't he didn't like it though

he never went to the he went to the meeting sometimes but when he died they said well we're

offered a you know for brother so and so we'll you know do the funeral service for him and they

came down and they had some weird shit they were like talking about fucking some fucking what's

a fucking egyptian shit and they had these weird like symbols on poles and they were putting them

together over the casket and they do a prayer and the guy put a hat on like um the blues brothers

you know the blues brothers had those hats on like the guy went up to the podium to talk

and he put on his hat like the blues brothers i was like oh my god he's gonna start fucking

singing and dancing like uh that fucking guy that had the fucking heart attack on the speedball you

know belushi guy bob belushi tim belushi which one was it uncle was you were eligible because

Because you're from the bloodline.

I don't know.

It's only selected members of a certain kind of,

a couple of specific bloodlines.

He wasn't really.

He was my girlfriend's grandfather, dude.

So you would be eligible if you did want to be.

If he ended up being my grandfather-in-law, maybe,

but I didn't go with that family.

I didn't go with the,

you were a white trash family.

Well, there you are.

Yeah.

Anyway, that's Freemasons for you.

Is there phone numbers for Freemasons?

No, no.

If I have some Freemasons phone numbers, then I want to talk to them.

Well, the theory is every president, every U.S. president is from the same family bloodline.

No.

Clinton wasn't.

In one way or another.

No, Bill Clinton wasn't, and Barack Obama isn't for sure.

Until Barack Obama.

No, he is for sure.

He's very much so, his white side.

Bill Clinton?

No.

Bill Clinton, he comes from white trash families.

No, because Bill Clinton didn't come from high-up families.

Yeah, but I mean, you know, going back and back enough.

Nah, no way.

Bill Clinton wasn't into Skull and Bones and all that.

Connected.

That's the theory, anyway.

That's what he say.

Bill Clinton never was into Skull and Bones, like the Bushes and all that.

I don't think so.

He wasn't a member of that.

No, but you don't have to be.

So tell me, when it comes down to all these groups, I hear, oh, well, the Skull and Bones run it.

And no, the Freemasons run everything.

thing and then some other people think i don't know the fucking what's another one come on

the greenbrier people which one is who's the really one the illuminati run it the new world

order aren't running so who's really running it is it sounds to me like there's ap8 different

organizations out there that run everything it doesn't seem to me like there's this whole new

world order no and it's all instructions i get from the aliens whatever blah blah blah so who

went in a fight between the freemasons and the elk and is the moose lodge into some flim flam

Are they, like, controlling shit, too?

The moussage?

Yeah, the, uh...

The elks?

It was the little fezzes and the little go-karts.

Yeah, those guys.

What are they, Arabs or something?

What are they supposed to be?

Who's that?

Those guys.

What are they about?

I think they'll win.

And they're stupid.

Those guys are stupid.

And then there's the other ones that, that...

And the parades that have elephants shitting everywhere all the time.

I forget, who are those, the elks?

There's a whole bunch of those fucking...

Remind me of some of these.

What, the Sons of Italy?

What's their thing?

Are they in the mafiosos?

Stone Cutters.

I don't know about that.

Probably.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sons of Italy.

All right.

Nunu says, call the BBC and make sure they got their damn toilet license.

So go ahead and send that in, Nunu.

There we go.

There's a number.

We'll do that.

All right.

I'll stop eating on the fucking air.

Let's go ahead and call that number that I was supposed to call.

The 24-hour food market in Illinois.

The state that I always tell people I'm from now when I do prank calls to the UK.

I don't know why.

I like that word.

I don't know.

Illinois.

it sounds exotic fucking love some uh fucking love some almonds my camera see my shirt tuck

it's funny this is not the wrong woman this is or how can i help well i have the wrong number

it's not i'm sorry did you get calls a lot i thought it was his number therora i know what

she's saying he's just fucking around with her let's try to crawl it back it's kind of rude to

her yeah bitch good you got a british flag on i think is this a place it says greece under it

though man don't you get it with the union drag though it's the fucking joke stupid you're worse

than the chinese guy in honolulu i can't read it it's a blurry because you got dial up that's why

yeah hey um what's with the uppity lady over there oh no i have no idea what did she say

when she hung up because i heard curse words coming out when she hung up you did yeah she

said curse words like i don't talk like that what's the person's name tell me don't don't

look at her so i want you to know that she's talking that you're talking about her but what

was the person's name big brenda yeah all right and is she like a problem there a lot of times

no does she hang up the phone a lot on people i mean i understand what was that about i did i just

i don't i have no idea what's your name my name is marcus you sound like a nice guy marcus i talked

to a collector today the same name you sound a lot like him yeah so who's the manager on duty

Yeah, put Big Surge on the phone, man.

I don't want to, you know...

Yeah, because I don't want to get angry on the phone.

I'm probably going to get angry.

I don't want to take it out or anything on you.

You don't deserve that.

Alright, man.

Thanks, buddy.

It's nice of Marcus to understand.

And there's stupid people in the chat room just flooding it.

Hillock66 says...

Lisa Frank.

I knew a guy who used to have Lisa Frank stationery and pens and pencils at school.

in high school i used to call them you know queer because it is queer tuck you ever use

lisa frank pens for your um comic book stuff probably do your girlfriend those are my

girlfriends there's some chick on you lisa frank is a brand name of uh lisa frank yeah hey listen

um i was calling about the lisa frank pens over there and then some woman hang up the phone on me

and then when she hung up i could still hear the phone and she said bad words about me what did

she say her name is brenda i don't like this i don't i'm a christian man i don't say those

words on the phone all right but i want apology from you then i want apology from her on the phone

and i want you to write her up while i'm listening on the phone well what did she say she said the f

word she said the c word she said that she didn't effing need to take this s that i was a c and she

said several other things that i'm not going to repeat because they're just nasty about my mother

okay i apologize for that uh that's you though what's her where was brenda i want to talk to

I want you to put Big Brenda next to you, and I want you to say, Brenda, that was bad.

And I want you to make her say you're sorry, and I want you to write her up and tell me everything you're writing down as you're writing her up.

Okay.

Can you hold on for a sec?

I want to hear all of this.

Everything.

All right.

Man.

Okay.

Am I getting Brenda fired?

I don't want to do that, man.

That's not good.

I got to goof it up here pretty soon before she gets fired.

The X word.

What's the J word?

This is a bad word.

J, jackass.

That's a bad word.

Lisa Frank, man.

I wonder who Lisa Frank is.

Let me see if Wikipedia's got anything on Lisa Frank.

I think Kmart sold Lisa Frank.

I thought it was just their brand.

Lisa Frank Online, the site girls love.

Well, yeah.

That does make me kind of gay for a reason.

Especially after my time, because it's not ringing any bells.

Lisa Frank is an American pop artist, founder of Lisa Frank, Inc.

Her work appears in various commercial elementary and middle school products, mostly school supplies.

There you go.

in 2005 lisa frank divorced james green ceo of the company and co-shareholder the court agreed

to assign control the company to lisa frank and that like a woman look at that see how they are

tuck you stay single man take half of your ship to the cranbrook school anyway what'd you find

that over there about the the fucking bohemian club you scared yet alex jones snuck into the

fucking uh place and recorded all their rituals and shit and recorded around they got this big

owl and they um this is this owl ancient owl and the fucking owl yeah man this ancient owl used to

get sacrifices of babies children will get babies to get thrown in by their parents in younger times

they burn the owl with babies inside of it for offerings to this evil owl and they uh they reap

every year they ring they do they do it in effigy they don't actually throw babies in but they

recreate this thing there's um there's an interview with um john kerry yeah tim russer

the late great tim russer was doing i feel bad now man this girl's getting trouble they're talking

to her like a lot holy shit maybe they've had trouble with her in the past and now she's like

i didn't cuss motherfucker that nigga i didn't say shit it was bound if she gets fired for this

was bound to happen they were looking for an excuse is any good employee anybody calls saying

yeah fucking you know yeah yeah uh could you possibly call like tomorrow morning when uh

did you yell at her or something did you talk to her yeah i'm i'm talking to her but right now

she's busy but uh call like in the morning and uh explain to uh management like uh uh her manager

what happened well what do you do there i mean once you're i mean if you're not i mean who's

oh i'm manager who's the head but who's the hnic there the what the hnic i'm right now but it'll

be better if you tell her manager like at morning that's when she comes in what's your name sir your

name's sergio i'm gonna write you up right now okay how you spell that s-e-r-e-r-g-i-o all right

you got pen and paper because i want you to write a message down for the manager to have prepared

okay all right i got it ready all right begin message okay ralph called in about the lease

Lisa Frank Pencils.

Uh, you said the Lisa Frank Pencils?

Lisa, Lisa Frank Pencils.

Lisa, okay.

Okay.

Brenda picked up the phone.

Okay.

Brenda hung up the phone on Ralph.

Okay.

Brenda said, I don't need to talk shit to this nigger here on the phone.

Brenda continued to say, are you still with me?

Mm-hmm.

This fucking, uh.

Uh, oh, you said she hung up the phone and she said.

She said, Brenda don't need to speak to this nigger here.

Brenda continued to say, comma, space, quotation mark, fuck this motherfucker, cocksucker, right here, and walked off, end quote.

And then she said, fuck that motherfucker, cocksucker, right here, and left.

Next line, customer called back to complain.

Marcus treated Ralph good.

Good.

Okay.

Marcus deserves a bonus at the end of the quarter.

Okay.

Sergio attended to the complaint.

Sergio made threats and racial comments to the customer.

What?

No, just write that down, because I'm just trying to, I mean, it's cool.

Just write that down to help me out a little.

No, you're saying that I said something?

No, but just the first, but I'll tell our DM, you know, because it'll help me out in my case a little bit.

I'm just, you know.

No, that could cost me my job.

No, I cannot do that.

No, it's cool, because I'll tell her in the end.

No, you're saying that I said racial comments.

No, that you threatened.

That threats, then threats, threats.

No, how would I be able to do threats if I didn't do it, actually?

Well, I mean, because it's just my report, and then, but you can make your own report that says that I didn't do that.

No, but, no, I did not say anything like that.

How is that possible?

Because it helps me, so it looks better for me, you know?

It gives me, but in the end, then I'll say that really that part isn't entirely true.

No.

You know, you could talk to management because, you know what, you're saying that I'm lying.

No, no, buddy.

No, it's not that.

I know you didn't say it, but if you write it down for me.

No, but you just said that.

I said that.

No, you know what, it would be better if you talked to, well, my other boss would be in at 12.

You could talk to him in 15 minutes.

Well, how much did you get written down so far then?

I was up to the customer callback.

Marcus treated you good and deserves a bonus in the quarterly.

but you know and then i stopped what what after you just said that i just said that never happened

yeah i know it didn't happen i mean between me and you i know it didn't happen i mean it's cool

okay but you're making me write it down that i did say something ratio and i did not well who

else is there well he'll be in in 15 minutes he'll be able to take your call but what's his name uh

his name is paul well so jay make it say paul said um took the call no then then i'll get fired for

saying that no i cannot no but it's paul it's not you it's paul no you know it call back in 15

minutes he'll be in right away look don't be afraid man i'm not gonna get you in trouble

just write that part down for me no no i cannot do that that's uh lying to corporate and i can't

do that is bob there that's not not yet he'll be in here like in 11 55 or so what about bill

uh there's nobody named by bill all right so put down that bill made a threat bill made racial

threats nobody by the name bill worked yeah so then no one gets in trouble but i'm saying

This helps me out

Helps my case

It makes it more

I get more attention

You know

No but

I can't do that

I cannot lie

I'm lying

Not you

Okay but

You just told me you're lying

How would I be able to believe

What just happened

Because you just said that

I said something

That never happened

No but I'm lying about

The second part

I'm not lying

I'm embellishing a little bit

I'm just trying to add more

Chilis to the gumbo

That's it

No

You're going to get me in trouble

Man come on

It's not going to happen like that

Really

Come on

No I can't do that man

It's not

Dude, really, I mean, they're not going to believe that you made racial threat.

Yeah, but you just said I said that.

But like I said, it's just for me to kind of get a little bit of help, extra help with this.

No, you want me to put you on hold or something?

Because he'll be in pretty soon right now.

Well, but this is my last quarter, you know, and I'm using the pay phone.

I'm sorry, man, I can't.

Do you have a calling card, those phone cards there?

I don't believe so.

You don't sell phone cards there?

No.

Well, what can you suggest?

Yes, I mean, what else can we put down?

Because I don't have enough to go with right now,

and I really need to get this taken care of, you know?

Yeah, I understand that.

You can call tomorrow morning.

All right, what do you know about the Lisa...

What do you know about the stationary section there

where they have pencils and pens?

I don't know that much, but I could go check.

You want to go check for those Lisa Frank things for me?

Lisa Frank pencils?

Yeah.

All right, then hold on.

All right, cool.

I figured I'd give them a break for a little bit

because I'm going to lose them here pretty soon.

Make them walk around, cool off a little bit,

and then we'll mess with them a little more.

this yeah i like that uh term that's a phil hartman saying adding extra chilis to the gumbo

anyway this is madhouse radio i am carlito tucks in the background i'll hit my thumb and uh

four knuckle are you scared now did you read the members list yeah who's the member like uh there's

a bunch of jews i don't know i'm kidding i don't i don't have anything wrong as you let me see

Republicans.

Republicans, right?

Yeah, man.

Bushes, both of them.

That's some shit.

Lamar Alexander.

Nixon was a member.

Reagan was a member.

Nixon was an honorary member.

Yeah, Reagan.

Bill Clinton did go there, though, to their annual event.

He went there once, and he said later on that he didn't.

Brendan's going to...

Brendan's talking about...

Brendan lives in the area.

He's thinking about going over there and seeing what's up.

Tomsey, Toomsey.

Buckley Jr., guys like that.

Tomsey, Toomsey, however you pronounce it.

tombstone rather sending him the uh gamestop and hanaruru we will call them next thank you

put that on the big board there tuck dude so big apple announcements today i watched it i don't

know if you heard you could have watched it you could have seen it live from the apple site because

you have an apple computer tuck those are only people that could watch it live well yeah what

happened i checked in the section where we carry the pencils and we don't have any oh man you see

there's a whole there's a whole mess over here something stinks but you're saying i gotta call

call back and speak to the other manager because you're leaving no i'm not leaving uh he's the

first in charge of the night crew he's the hnic yeah all right then you sure you can't write down

that part about you making them no no i cannot write that can you write that you got upset a

little bit i can't do that i could talk to him but i cannot say all that stuff what you just said

just your part the part about you i cannot write that down though but the stuff about brent the

stuff about brenda's okay right and marcus i wrote that down all right that's good all right

That's cool.

I guess that's, I mean, I'll try with that, but, you know,

it'd be better if you wrote it down now than me just telling him I'm lying,

having to lie myself.

I was kind of hoping you'd help me out with that.

Yeah, but you're saying that that'll put me in my risk of losing my job.

I cannot do that.

But I'm going to say it anyway.

You can say that, but he'll believe me.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

What's that mean?

He'll believe me more than he'll with you,

because you just said that I'm lying, basically,

which they already know I never lie to these guys.

Oh, so he's going to believe you and not me.

You know what?

You can just call him.

What would you call that?

I would think I would call that a threat.

That's not a threat.

Well, can you write down that you think...

All right, write this part down.

That Sergio thinks that...

What's his name?

His name what?

The manager's coming in.

I'll talk to the head boss around here.

Sergio thinks that...

And we'll talk to...

And you can be on the phone.

We'll talk to you and we'll settle this.

All right, tell me...

Listen, buddy.

Tell me this is true or false.

Because you're making me sound like I'm a jerk,

Which I'm not

No you're not

No

You've been nothing but kind

And nice to me

You've been very helpful

You've done your job

Like an ace

But you're making me seem

That I'm lying

Which I'm not

Alright well

I just need you to answer

Hold on

You can call

And look at

In five more minutes

He'll be

No wait

Eight more minutes

He'll be in

Alright so when he comes in

You said

It's true or false

He would believe you

Over me right

Well he'll believe

I'll tell him my story

And I believe

He'll believe my story

But

Okay

He'll probably believe yours as well

But he'll believe your story better than me, right?

Well, I don't know.

He'll take both stories and he'll talk to both of us.

Well, write that part down then because that's the truth.

You can write it down.

You know what?

I already know what I'm going to tell him, so you can call in eight minutes.

But write down what you're going to say and tell me.

You know, I have a lot of work to do.

Call him in eight minutes.

This will be settled.

You said you're on a pay phone, which you're not.

I am.

How are you on a pay phone and you're talking to a lot of people behind your background?

I'm not talking to anybody.

Well, there's my cousins behind me.

He's waiting for me in the car to come pick me up.

All right.

You know, I have a lot of work.

You know, he'll be in in eight minutes, and you can tell him your story, and you guys will settle this.

Well, I mean, if you think it's true that he's going to believe you over me, then I think it's fair that I ask you to write that down.

Yeah, he'll believe that I did not make no racist comments.

Then write that down.

Write that part down.

Okay.

Okay, you know, I'll write that down saying that you said that I said I made racial comments, which I did not.

And put down that it's true and that you believe that he's going to believe you instead of believing me

because you believe that he will believe that you, he doesn't believe that you.

You know, are you just messing around or something?

No, I just, this is.

That's why I'm just looking, that's what you're doing.

This is, I'm just trying to get this all straightened out, sir, because this is serious business.

Okay, but you're making me lie.

Which I did not.

No, but you said yourself that you believe that he'll believe that he didn't believe me,

that he's going to believe me before you.

You're going to believe yourself, and he's going to believe you.

Right?

Wait, my boss is here right now?

Uh-huh.

Marcus, go get Paul.

Go get Paul.

Hurry up and get Paul.

Hurry, hurry.

Hurry, go, go.

All right.

I didn't even know I was talking to a bunch of people.

You see, I told all you listeners to shut up and not make noises while we're doing the show.

What happens, right?

They keep talking, chatting over there, and they ruin the prank call.

Everyone stop chatting.

He can hear you.

He says, work with the next guy.

How long has this been going on for, man?

Let me look at the timer.

21 minutes have dragged us out.

Oh, my God.

This is funny.

This is a good coming off.

It's good, yeah.

But I'm saying, I can't believe we've been going on for so long.

Bosh, mosh.

Well, here we are.

Madhouse Live is my website.

TuckerMike.com is hers.

His.

Excuse me, his.

Hey, Paul.

How you doing?

It was good.

Can you read back to me the complaint that I had the gentleman write down, please?

She called about some laser-framed pencils, talked to someone named Brenda, says here she hung up the phone, and some racial comments.

I'm not going to repeat.

Yeah, well, the racial comments also came from someone else.

I mean, you're the head guy, HNIC there, right, right now, for now?

I'm sorry?

You're the HNIC there for now, right?

Yes.

The head guy.

And who's the manager of the whole supermarket?

Andy.

He's today at 8 o'clock.

All right, so what I need you to do is make a message there for Andy.

What it's going to say is you're going to add to that message that Sergio, and what was your name, Dale?

Paul.

Sergio and Paul made threats to the customer.

I just got here.

How did I make threats to this customer?

No, but it helps me out with my case with the manager.

Why would I say that about myself?

Well, no, it's not true.

You're not going to get in trouble for it.

I'm just going to, if you add it for me, it'll get some chillies of the gumbo a little bit for there, you know?

I can't say that.

Well, just Sergio, then.

I'm just trying to get help for my complaint about the woman who hung up and said nasty, dirty things.

But I'm thinking if I have some extra things to her that maybe didn't happen as much,

that you could help me out.

Maybe get the case in my favor, right?

Somebody takes down these notes, and I'll let Andy know to expect a phone call.

And then if I can tell him everything, he should call me.

Yeah, and what's your ethnicity?

I'm going to stay on the phone.

But I have permission to get that, like if there's a legitimate complaint.

I don't think you do.

I'm not going to say that on the phone, unfortunately.

Whatever.

Do you eat collard greens ever?

Yep, you can certainly call back in the morning, 8 o'clock, and you'll be here.

Whatever.

I'm going to complain that you were threatening me and that Sergio was threatening me.

Well.

Right here with me right now, that'll say that I'm not threatening you.

Yeah, but they don't know anything.

They're all lying.

I'm not going to be here.

No, he's going to take my word over yours.

I'm the customer.

Okay.

And they've had problems with you already, and I think you know that you've already been written up.

But go ahead and call back today, 8 o'clock.

He'll be here.

You've been written up, right?

Okay.

That boy you can talk to.

No, I'm going to write you up right now, as a matter of fact.

What was your hire date?

I knew you were supposed to put it down on the paper.

Nothing to do with that.

I'll find all this out tomorrow, don't you worry.

I'm going to speak to Andy.

Fucker.

I'm going to speak to Andy.

I'm going to get all this fucking information.

And it's going to be double on you and Sergio for having threatened me tonight.

So pack a lunch.

Do that.

I'm going to call back tomorrow.

Uh.

In some way, man.

30 minutes of prank calling.

and that guy was fucking bring fucking bringing me down that guy nothing makes me mad i'm a

motherfucker fucker get mad you bitch you got numbers for people who get mad so hey tuck we

were talking you were asking what happened with the apple announcements today today i'm not

impressed with the update to apple tv i wasn't impressed i haven't been impressed with apple

tv up until now the new one is a little better but i'm still not impressed i'm still i'm still

still not super impressed it's going to have you care anything about it uh apple tv announced

whether you're going to get video movie rentals on their first runs will be 5.99 for 24 hours

uh older movies would be 2.99 you can uh download uh 24 hours you can watch a tv episode if you want

from the big guys for 99 cents each uh what else it's gonna you can play your netflix on it uh you

I can do that online now on my computer.

Why have it on the TV?

Why would I pay 99 cents?

Yeah, right?

Right?

Or you can use your On Demand on your TV.

You probably don't have On Demand over there because you don't have the servers out there.

You might now, now that you've got a D-Slam out there where you live.

Can you do On Demand?

Oh, you've got Satellite, right?

The TV doesn't have Satellite, yeah.

Do you have On Demand?

Can you go HBO On Demand and watch episodes that you missed in real time and pause them and all that?

Not on demand, but, you know, like, the, you can, like, they rotate.

They don't, you don't demand it.

It isn't downloaded, but it's on the schedule, like, the movies, you know.

Yeah, I don't know.

I got some friends went to their house recently, and they got the satellite,

and they're doing on demand in some places now, so that might be coming to you.

But I think you have to have a server nearby for that to work, my friend.

I think Dish does.

Dish does, right?

One of them does.

There's only two left now, right?

All right, this is Dish and Direct.

Direct TV, or as I like to call it, Direct V.

Anyway.

Yeah, we have Direct.

Nothing Dish does that.

Man.

All right, cool.

Let's call the GameStop here.

What do I ask them for?

Battletoads?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Let's see that one coming.

Tuxa has black and white TV, says Nunu.

Yeah, hi.

Listen, I don't understand why someone keeps calling over here and making threats about the FU, the F word, and dirty things on the phone.

but I want answers right now

and I'm going to write you up

and the man over there

who's talking dirty

on the phone

we're just in the number

to BBC 2

and they hung up already

I'm going to give them

another day

talk another day

Milkman News

yes

if you guys want to

send your well wishes

to Milkman

he's at the

University of South

California

USC University Hospital

he is on the

8th floor

in room number

809

and you can

call over there

at 888-700-5700 again that's uh room 8809 on the a floor room 809 and if you want to send a letter

or cards or flowers or anything uh you want to send that to usc university hospital 1500 san

pablo street in los angeles california that's uh 1500 san pablo street yeah los angeles california

9-0-0-3-3

And I'm thinking

They got a fax number

I might use my fax machine

And send them some stuff

Over there

888-700-5700

It's probably the best

You guys don't call

I should not even

Give them the phone number

But send them a letter

Or send them

Cookies or something

He's not on a strict diet

He's got a private problem

With his privates

And we can't talk about it

Well I don't know

If you can send him stuff

If you don't put his name on it

I guess you could put Milkman on it.

They'd be like, who's this Milkman?

Milkman's sick.

He's in the hospital.

He's been in the hospital for a few weeks.

More than a few weeks, I think.

Send him something.

Be nice.

Be nice, dude.

Just give him a call.

Let's see if we can find him.

Never mind.

On USD University Hospital.

For assistance in English, press 1.

For the hospital's main number, press 1.

All other callers, press 2.

This call may be recorded or monitored for quality assurance purposes.

Oh, my God.

You know what that means.

I think we're going to come over there and put you in jail.

You have 50 years.

Hello, this is Richard.

How can I help you?

Hey, Big Richard.

I was trying to get to 8809.

I'm in referral services department for USC University.

So what's your problem, then?

I don't understand.

This is the hospital.

I work for the hospital, yes.

And how do you get through to a room to talk to my family?

I can give you the main number for the hospital.

Do you have a pen?

Whatever.

I'm so tired of you people giving me the runaround.

I'm going to speak to the news about this.

You're horrible.

I'm writing you down in my report against bad people like you that work at the hospital.

I'm hanging up now, sir.

Good night.

What was your name?

I guess don't call him by that number, then.

And he'll be mean like me, because, you know, he'll probably get in trouble.

Decent show tonight.

Can't complain too much.

BBC.

We've also got a McDonald's in Wales.

It insists on speaking to someone who can speak Welsh.

We did that last time.

Nunu said there was an area in Wales that they were bound to still speak Welsh there to some point.

Nunu, you remember saying that.

Tell me which ones.

Okay, he's sending it now.

The one in Holyhead.

Good, Holyhead.

Hey, Holyhead.

Rob, yeah.

The Welsh rappers.

Yeah.

That was crazy, right?

They sound all nasty.

But they're like...

I don't understand it.

Is it a video from the 90s?

Or was it a video shot now that's made to look like it's from the 90s?

Because it looks like old as fuck.

Good morning, BBC Switchboard.

Hey, sir, how are you doing?

I'm very well, thank you.

And how are you?

Yes, sir, I'm great.

Great. I need to speak to whoever's in charge of the toilet licenses over there, please.

You'll need to call back during office hours at 6 o'clock in the morning.

I'm calling from... Hey, listen.

Listen, sir, I don't need to have people speaking rude to me on the phone.

I'm calling from the United States of America, Toilet Administration,

and I have here that you people haven't been keeping up on your toilet license,

and we're going to shut them all down.

Right. Well, you need to call back during office hours after 9 o'clock this morning.

You'll need to call back in three hours' time.

But it's already 1 o'clock, you understand what I'm trying to say?

It's 6 o'clock in the morning in the UK.

Not in Australia.

In the United States of America, I don't know.

But in the UK, it's 6 o'clock in the morning.

You'll need to call back after 9 o'clock in the morning.

Is there a woman I can speak to?

No, there's nobody you can speak to at this time of the evening.

I'll just hang up and call back and complain about you.

What's your name?

Okay.

What's your name?

Hello?

I'm going to call back.

the bbc talk how do you what how's the announcement this is bbc what does it sound like you know you

watch that doctor who this call is two cents per minute two two two i just keep eating these

almonds man i love them oh man there's just one person in the switchboard this is bbc one

how many bbcs are there the cost of this call is two cents per minute is there bbc in espanol

Yes I may speak to BBC en Español

Por favor

En Español

No en Español

In Spanish

Right there will be nobody here

At this time of month you would need to ring back after 8 o'clock

What

Who's in charge of the licenses there

The TV licensing department

No no no the toilet license

The what sorry

The toilet license that you haven't been paying on

I'm calling from America

And I'm calling to shut down the toilets

And turn down the TV in the background

I hear you watching TV

And you don't get Perry to watch TV on the job

So turn it down, sir

Turn down the TV in the back

Because I can't hear you

I can hear you fine, thank you

Well, I can't hear you

And that's what's important

It's me, me, me, me

Well, you can obviously hear me

Hello?

Who is it you're wanting to speak to?

I can't hear what you're saying over the TV

Who is it you're wanting to speak to?

I can't hear it

I hear a TV.

Hello?

Who is it you want him to speak to?

You don't have to yell at me.

What is this?

What are you, nasty?

Who is it you want him to speak to?

BBC en Español.

You want him to speak to somebody in Spanish?

No, the BBC simulcast in Spanish.

Whoever's in charge of that.

Do you not have a contact now?

Well, it said to call this number here when I was watching it.

There's an effeminate man on the TV right now.

Is it him?

I can't hear you with the TV on.

We have no control over it.

And if you continue to shout, you'll have no control over this call because I'll disconnect it.

You have no control over your faculties.

Excuse me?

You have no control over your faculties.

I'll say that Americans aren't rude.

Oh, here we go with the racism.

Say it.

Yeah, it's fine.

I'm just disconnecting the call.

You're a rude American.

Oh!

Good, she got me.

Rude American.

That's all they got on us, Tug.

Rude American.

Oh, the Americans are so rude and they eat and they're fat.

They're jealous.

Jealous!

Wow.

She yelled at me too.

She's an angry little bitch.

Little bitch.

I take a sandwich time, man.

Shut up, you stupid foreigner.

This is American server.

I'm from Poland.

I take it in the ass.

I'm a communist.

I let communists come and fuck my mother.

Is that you?

Yeah?

Where you from?

You stupid shit.

Yeah, whatever.

Your mother got fucked by Muslims or something.

Where you from?

Yeah.

Fuck you.

Fucking German.

Whatever you are.

Yeah, that was Greek, just like my shirt, fucker.

All right, I'm going to go make a sandwich, bitches.

Y'all are going to sit here and like it.

Yeah, we still don't have a room.

We're on Ted's TeamSpeak server, and he runs a free TeamSpeak server.

Anybody that has a gaming club, clan, perverts, you name it,

members of the brazilian club so you can mute them by the way you can just mute them

i did all right but um we're stuck in the main lobby because uh tuck took away our main we were

the original people on here man the first channel member member was just us and tuck i i mean us and

uh and ted on ted server i think jim had us uh and then floyd busherly all these uh european

foreigners non-american uh animals came in here doing listen to them let's listen how they talk

Listen to how nasty they sound

They don't even speak English

Yeah, because you're a monkey, right?

Stupid

Fuck you

Portuguese

They fucking want to be Spanish

They're nasty

I'm from a master race

My ancestors come from Spain and Italy

And you got Portuguese

Portuguese are like the nastiest immigrants of Europe.

The most hated people in Europe are Portuguese, I think.

They're so nasty.

They live in the end of a fucking peninsula.

What's that?

They live at the tip of a penis.

They ruled the world at one point, though.

What?

They ruled South?

Well, they rule.

Whatever.

A few islands in Brazil.

Woo.

A long, long time ago.

Still.

They had their day.

I guess.

All right.

We're going to take a break here.

About five minutes.

I'm going to use the restroom and get some water here, make a sandwich.

When we come back, we'll do more live prank calls.

Send in your numbers, please.

Much appreciated.

We'll be right back.

Thank you for listening.

We'll be right back in about five.

Thank you.

BBC One.

Next time, high five.

Go to hell.

Word again.

Technical issues there.

Sorry, everybody.

I was ready to back.

Break.

Thank you for letting me take my sandwich break, everybody.

Carlito, how are you?

I turned off the Brazilians.

Oh, yeah, I turned off everything.

they're still talking we're gonna have to uh put you on skype hey hey you dirty fucking brazilian

shit why don't you shut up don't you see we're trying to do something here you stupid portuguese

talking fuck and they don't listen

nasty fucking language of theirs

all right the lion's den adult superstore yeah we're important internet superstars man

It's better if you say it in English

In Brazilian makes it

It does make it interesting

No it doesn't

It gets boring after a while

It's that Happy Meets stuff

Why don't you Happy Meet him

It gets boring after a while

Because no one can

Have any contact with it

Happy Meet them Tuck

They'll like it

Go on Skype Tuck

Let's get out of here

I've been

Have you been hearing

Have you been

I've been doing the whole bit

No no

I turned off everything

They like it

They like the Happy Meet thing

They like Happy Meet

Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah, they were playing the Donna Summer and all kinds of shit.

They were playing Donna Summer.

Donna Summer.

You see how effeminate they are?

Tug, go to Skype.

I'm canceling this because these people have bad manners.

Bye, Tug.

Skype now.

Okay.

All right.

I'm tasting a sushi coming up.

That's not good.

Can't be good, man.

They were rolling in my 6'4 on the zigzags.

All right.

Before we call that adult super strip

We're going to call McDonald's

McDonald's in Holyhead

I guess I should wait for Tuck to get on here first

I'll miss it

Alright

I really got to email

I got to email Ted and get him to

Get us a room in there and again

Yeah we need to get up on it

And I want him to kick out all those Brazilians

Off of his server forever

There's no need for that

They were probably there first, actually.

They're probably his ladyboys, you know.

He likes them in there.

Yeah, man.

I did a whole Happy Meat bit on them, and they just started laughing, and then...

So, they were playing Donna Summer.

Donna Summer.

Kick-ass.

So, yeah.

Makes sense.

A bunch of guys have gay, uh, just go rat their fingertips on their iTunes.

Their iTunes machines.

Who are we calling again?

McDonald's.

That's right.

Only speak Welsh, bitch.

Yeah, dude.

He says I sound Welsh.

Welshin.

There we go.

Calling Welshia.

Don't you hate to get,

when you get one of those pimples on your temple,

off your head?

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Oh, this is so angry.

Dude,

they're not answering.

Uh, they're not up,

probably.

Dude.

Uh, we got Cardiff, Wales here.

Alright.

Hopefully they're not closed.

We have 24 hours there, right?

Just like here.

It's like a big city for Wales, I believe.

It's a big city.

Right.

For Wales.

That's where they filmed Dr. Human on that show.

Is it really?

Yeah, that's actually where they,

It's a date tomorrow

Dr. Hugh

You gotta watch Dr. Hugh

I never

I've seen maybe

When I was a kid

I watched one or two on PBS

And I'm talking a long time ago

Old school ones

But the new ones

Look like

You'll be watching

Star Trek now

Oh yeah

Yeah yeah yeah

They got big tits in them

Probably not

In Britain

Cute girls

But the special fits

Is at the bar

British girls need

Bigger tits man

Get back to me

When they got bigger tits

Than you do

Go punch your mom

In the tits a little bit

Get them all nice and swollen

yeah the other mcdonald's they're not open yet man man no they were open before they just maybe

they have their um monthly prayer their morning prayer at 6 35 a.m over there you know in the in

the bay base hey i'm gonna do the march chanting all right show's slowing down a little bit i'm

out of numbers here actually music's very loud god this has a mind of its own tonight there it

goes so okay finally it responds all right well i don't know much what to do here without numbers

if you got numbers send them in let me call that dildo store here in the meantime dildo we got a

carlos jr too carlos jr that's my son's name when he comes on my wife's vagina keep it to yourself

that's where they come from tuck i don't know if you knew they come out of my wife's vagina

Talks not interested in that

I'm trying to drown America's states

And he's trying to call Angola

For some reason

I tried to call Angola last year

So anyway the Apple TV

It looks okay

I don't know if it's a big thing

It would be nice if you could stream your

iTunes collection to it over

That would be kind of cool

But that didn't happen

happen no apps on it nothing like that no games yeah why why bother there's no storage on it

you can't store yeah like like in other words you can't get um itunes stuff and store it on it and

play it for your brother who doesn't have a computer but wants to watch youtube stuff yeah

yeah that's what i would have gotten it for but yeah because um yeah you used to be able to but

But apparently, like on iTunes, you used to be able to buy movies $20 and you kept the copy forever.

On your iPod, your iPhone, your iMac, whatever you want to call it.

And then now, I think he said, Jobs said that no more permanent purchases.

It says rentals only.

I'm like, whoa, that kind of sucks.

Yeah, that's, okay, whatever, fine.

Why would I want to pay $0.99 for a TV episode when I can, A, probably go on demand?

okay so you're telling me if i forget if i forget here's how it'll happen with me from then it get

me to pay 99 cents to to buy an episode of top chef or something fucking shit my dvr would have

messed up and not recorded it um i i i won't you gotta say in that case i won't go to on demand and

get it on my dvr on my cable box and i won't uh mega whatever yeah stream it for free yeah i won't

I won't go to one of the sites that has it where you can stream it for free.

I won't download it on a torrent.

And I won't go to the network station or Hulu to watch it for free.

Then I'll pay $0.99 to watch it for 24 hours.

Yeah.

Or get a high-debt version of Raptor.

Yeah, whatever, dude.

Or go out and rent it when it finally comes out on DVD.

They're not giving me much incentive.

Who did you send them to?

Nunez sent them to me.

to me he's sending in numbers for bbc northern ireland and bbc scotland why does he want us

to call bbc i don't know it's something about him being from britain i sound like i'm speaking

i think that's the basic concept i'm getting his soul let me try to connect bbc ireland and bbc

scotland at the same time so is isn't northern ireland a different country did they end up

becoming the country or did they did they okay northern ireland is ireland it's just a little

It's just an itty-bitty, itty-bitty tip of Ireland that is controlled by England.

Okay.

All right.

And that's where they have all the IRA brouhaha.

The brouhaha.

Shit.

And then Scotland's an independent country, but is there a separate Ireland on top of that anyway?

Scotland is sort of an independent country.

It's sort of not.

It's not like Ireland.

It's sort of like farming.

Yeah.

Ireland's an independent country.

I'm in Scotland.

Hello?

Can you speak to the audience?

Hi, is this the BBC?

Explain to me what's on the TV right now.

It's disgusting.

Oh, my God.

I can't stand this.

Turn it off.

Turn it off right now.

Get this off the TV right now.

Both of you.

I'm shaking, please.

I'm shaking.

Please press 1 now if you would like to leave feedback about any BBC program or service.

Press 2 if there's interference or technical problems receiving TV or radio.

She's fuzzing my ear.

Can't you hit zero here?

Hash?

Five?

How are you typing on Skype, by the way?

Are you using the Google phone?

I'm wondering that today.

No, I'm not using the fucking Google phone.

Damn it.

Oh, wait a minute.

That's right.

We can use the Google phone app, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

How are you typing on Skype?

The dial pad.

This is thing.

This is dial pad.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, my gosh.

I don't know.

Stupid.

But like on the Google phone

That Google phone

You have the big type pad

Yeah

Yeah it's got a type pad too

Yeah yeah yeah

I don't know

I don't know if it's enabled

On this Gmail account here

Yeah it says call phone

Let's see if it lets me

Yeah it does

Let's try it

Open it up

You probably have to

Install some plugins or something

No I already did

It says I already got it

From my other account

So

Yeah I'm just

You just gotta install it

On the computer

But it's cool

It's like a web version of Skype

If you want it

Yeah

It's pretty cool

Okie dokie

We got any more numbers

Oh man

I hate the end of the show

I just have to take a break

But I'm thinking about

Ending the show

After taking a break

Cause things have slowed down

And

Say it's a cookery show

What happens with BBC

Do they just hang up on us

Yeah they both hang up

One of them put me

Through the voicemail

The other guy's like

Eh alright

So

We'll call calls junior

I got two numbers left

We'll call these real quick

We'll call at night

Alright

We tried

Alright

We did what we could

Let's see how good

This new Google

Gmail

You can do

You make phone calls in Gmail.

Let's see if that works.

It's free, it says.

It's free.

Yay, a fax machine.

Listening to KDK over the weekend,

he retired for the fifth time.

I've been hearing about this.

He said it's for real now.

It sounds like he can't afford his

Shoutcast server anymore, so he was deciding

to end the show.

What's wrong with TalkShoe?

What's wrong with BlogRadio?

BlogRadio, that's it.

Ustream. TalkShoe's good.

What's wrong with Ustream?

Exactly.

Justin.

Yeah.

Thousands of others.

It'd be nice if he had a friend in the prank call scene that he was nice to

that had a shoutcast server he was managing and maybe would let him go on.

But, of course, who needs friends, you know?

Who needs to be nice to others?

And such is how we learn our lessons.

Everybody, I don't think we're ever going to miss KDK.

He did what he did.

He's a traitor.

He's a traitor to the crown.

and I beat him

he hates himself

and thus he hates

everyone else

that's right

Yeah

He said it right there

Not to knock him or anything

But that's just true

He hates himself

Thus he hates everything

He hates me

That's for sure

He hates everybody

He hates himself number one

Yeah

And he admitted to all the lies

He said that when he said he was dying of cancer

It was a lie

um he has so many more lies he never he didn't bring up though he's he admitted how he he faked

that he was going to kill himself once when you're when you're a pathological liar you forget

oh i guess so you remember he used to say he had a daughter who was half black right yeah i mean he

like in private conversations like oh yeah well my daughter it goes to tumbling classes i'm like

oh really that's cool like not even on the subject he just told me yeah well my daughter's having

is in tumblr classes right now

like oh that's cool

I wonder who he was

really talking about

maybe his sister

maybe his niece

in some twisted way

he wanted to believe

it was his daughter

I wonder what ever

happened to Keith

K-Bone

Keith was a bunch of

bullshit too

he was like

was he throwing his voice

or something

K-Bone just had enough of him

K-Bone wanted to have a baby

remember he said

on Zolar's show

that one

I think

well it's just

the lion's den

you guys have

lubricants there

but anything that

doesn't have any smell

okay

Okay.

Of all of them, which one comes in the smallest container but with no smell?

We do have our brand.

You got your own?

Yes.

Are they water-based?

Yes.

Okay.

Can you read off the ingredients because I can't have any latex, I can't have any gluten or gelatin on my skin.

And don't tell me the whole you need to come in and check it out because that's not how this works.

It's what I say and when I say it goes and you go and you do it now.

Okay.

Thank you, bud.

Actually, I have customers.

I don't care.

I'm a customer.

I came first.

You sure do have customers, sir.

Your customers are on the phone right now.

Okay.

Well, right now it doesn't work that way.

No, it works that way because I'm the one calling and I'm the one in charge, so you do what I say.

Well, it usually works.

Okay.

You have a great night.

Stupid.

All right.

Are they running the show?

I'm just going to sit and eat almonds and play Star Trek Online.

Yay!

That'll work.

Oh, yeah.

You're like, it's where you fly the spaceship or something, right?

Dude, you're like that and you blow stuff up.

up i'm racist like i think i say racist things about the klingons all the time and athena gets

upset she's like what are you talking about like these fucking assholes these fucking klingons i

hate these fucking klingons you're like the blacks of star trek yeah they are yeah they actually cast

black guys to play them i hate romulans romulans are assholes i i kill romulans all day i kill a

fucking romulan i wish there was a romulan right here i kill them now i know about these space

now i'm supposed to fight the cardassians a little bit yeah i'm worried about them because they're

cardassians i think are the uh mexicans mexicans anyway thank you everybody for listening

to this episode of manhouse radio i give this episode a 78 percent

msu3 clay reports katie k said keith turned into a total methad i could see that that's what katie

I still would say Keith was just the character that KZK invented through his voice.

You think it was really Keith and KZK?

Yeah, it just did a list of voices.

KZK is a boyfriend, our boyfriend.

Let me look here and see if I found that audio from when Keith broke up with him.

Because he called in to Zolar's show to tell him about it, even.

It was crazy.

I think Milkman and Jin were on the air, and they heard about it, and Zolar heard about it,

and they all did a show together, and they talked to Keith on the air.

Hey, you're having a great time.

I need some attention, so I'm going to Milkman.

Be creative

I don't have that audio

If I do I don't have it anymore

Anyway everybody

Like I said

Thanks for fucking listening to the show

Madhouse Live is my website

I promise the next show will be a little better

Excuse me

We're going to get with Ted and get a

Do you speak back up?

Transsexual back up?

Here we go

Taxi says you speak Welsh

Okay

Nunes in the last minute number here

Alright

Yes I only speak Welsh

Sorry?

I can only speak

I only speak Welsh

I want to speak Welsh.

You want to speak

to somebody

that speaks Welsh?

I don't want to speak

Welsh to people.

There's nobody

that speaks Welsh,

Sully.

Why don't you

speak Welsh

to the cab?

Yeah.

To the cab.

Right?

Sully?

Yeah.

Sully.

We'll call him back.

That's what Nanny wants.

That was good.

You did that good

and that was such a

That's what Nanny wants.

This is what he wants.

Yeah, you did that

pretty good.

Go on, do your best

This is the fucking Ozzy Osbourne impression.

Right, yeah.

I'm going to try this one.

Let me see.

Let me do mine.

Yeah, you do the next one.

I think we'll call back to BPC1 again.

Do that.

Hello?

am i speaking welsh yet

tuck into aussie and then we need to call birmingham is that where aussie is from i

don't understand all those languages yeah it's it's just a town dude it's all this

they sound fun as hell they're always having fun all right anyway i'll stop that uh all right i'm

done for real now thank you everybody for listening next week better show promises you'll see

knock on bitch

Calls (16, 39 min of 1 h 36 min)

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