No, YOU’RE a Horse’s Asses Ass!

I am the middle man here, so don't be yelling at me, please.

No, I'm just, I'm sorry, honey, I'm just angry.

Please do not be rude with me.

I'm angry and upset, and I'm, you know, my mother just had a heart attack.

Some implant, we don't know what you're talking about, so just, just...

Listen, you horse's ass.

Hey, shut up, you're the fucking author of this house.

Good, that was good.

Who the fuck is this?

The fuck, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The mother fucker!

98.6

All right, everybody.

We did.

Hello to all you people of inferior races all across the world.

I look chunky on camera today.

I'm just depressed looking at myself on camera.

I got such a bad angle.

It just makes me look wide.

I can't do it.

What have you been?

I can't do it.

How the hell did you get fucking free for you for the fucking first time?

I've been busy.

I was doing stuff that even my wife can't know about.

My wife isn't even allowed to know about it.

Oh, dear.

All right, you know, shut up.

Asshole, what are you trying to do?

I wasn't doing anything.

I was here the whole time doing the show.

Asshole, what are you talking about?

Keep the cover.

Let's try this angle.

Maybe it'll look more sexy on me.

All day.

All day, every day.

Hello, everybody.

Yeah, it's not bad.

I got a Barack Obama look to me there.

I like it.

I look like I got big ears.

Whatever.

Hey, folks.

Madhouse Radio's here.

here you knew mentioning i'm eating donuts and peanut butter again yep that's me big jen's over

in the um phone loser chat room i called her tits she doesn't like it deal with it too bad you're a

woman and so i talk to women that's how carlito talks to women not carlos just carlito yeah he

talks bad about women i keep pulling the cable out from my laptop don't tell me i left my gallon

of water uh oh hang on here it is ah can't do a show without my uh nice cold gallon of water from

the gas station this one's silver springs bottled by silver springs bottled water company the source

is a deep well in florida all right cool see if they're open still hang on let me cut they got

their phone number on here let's see if we can find more i'm finding out more about this deep

well source deep well florida and what if that's a city or just a deep well somewhere out in florida

You know the one, Tuck, the deep well in Florida.

Famous deep well.

Yeah, the well in Florida, the deep one.

This is it right here.

We're calling Silver Springs.

Thank you for calling Silver Springs.

Our office hours are 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday.

Certainly, we're available.

If you need anybody to mention in here, please dial it now.

To leave a message in the general mailbox, please press...

Your call is being transferred to the receptionist.

You know, Tuck, if you would have started the show earlier,

you know they would have answered because they just closed 30 minutes ago okay this

kaitai radio chat won't let me in fuck them that's all it's a race racist white people

over there that's why they won't let you in because you're not white people hi this is

angie i'm not available at the moment if you leave me you fuck you hoe all right well that didn't

work maybe i was here at the time i said i was supposed to be here then it would have worked

brennan sending a number for a kebab place well some losers with us today that's good

He's sending in numbers already.

Excuse me.

Open air, please.

Hey, you guys do kebabs over there, right?

Hello, yes.

Yeah, you guys do kebabs over there, that's what I'm asking.

Sorry?

Is it the name of the place, or do you actually do the kebabs over there?

Chicken kebab.

What style kebabs?

Persian style, or what do you do?

Afghan style?

Chicken, beef, lamb.

Not the meat, though, my good man.

I'm asking what style is it.

Is it Persian style, Asian style, Mediterranean style, Moroccan?

Hello?

What do you want?

Do you want to kebab or...

Uh-huh, yeah, I want to kebab, yeah.

But I'm asking what style kebab is it?

Is it Persian style?

No, no, Persian.

They're between fresh.

No, no, I know it's fresh, man.

But what I'm asking is what style kebab is it?

There's a difference in the ingredient that you use, in the spices.

Yeah, you know, the chicken shish kebab, you can take, or lamb, lamb shish kebab, or...

Shish kebab?

Yeah.

Yeah?

So how many you want?

I don't want to get sick with bad kebab.

Chicken, chicken, lamb, right?

Yeah, okay, sure.

Put me down for five of those.

Five lamb kebab, right?

Uh-huh.

Spicy.

How spicy?

Is it American spicy or ethnic spicy?

Up to you.

You like it spicy, no problem.

Well, how do you, what do you add, what do you make spice with?

What do you make?

Hot pepper?

Red pepper?

What do you use?

Cayenne pepper?

What do you use?

Jalapeno?

Habanero?

What do you use?

Curry?

Chili?

Huh?

Chili?

Yes.

What's the heat factor on it and the heat rating?

What do you want?

Do you want spicy or no?

You are busy.

I can't explain too much.

No, but listen.

From number one to number ten, how spicy is it?

One to ten.

How many number you want, you tell me.

From one to eighty, is it like a five?

How many you want, that's it.

Well, I said ten.

Okay, no problem.

That's it.

But from one to ten, how many spicy?

How many you want?

You want twenty, no problem.

You want a hundred, no problem.

No, let's not get nasty about 100.

What's that about?

What's that?

How many you want?

You tell me.

I want to five or six or little bit spicy.

That's it.

Well, what I'm trying to ask you is how spicy is it?

Give me a percent.

How many you want?

I'm asking about the hot spicy.

You understand?

I make, yeah, yeah.

I understand.

I make, you know, the spicy.

How many you want?

That's it.

You want to be spicy or regular?

But I'm asking you.

what do you consider hot and spicy give it like an a b c or d you understand yeah what would you

say a or b what okay brother please we are busy no give me i want 17 i want 10 uh 10 spicy and

And seven regular.

You want to, seven spicy, right?

No, I said ten.

Ten.

Uh-huh.

And, uh...

Just a shot in the dark, do you have ban chad there?

I don't know if you're from there or not.

Is it lamb kebab or chicken?

No, ban chad.

Does that make any sense to you if I say that?

No, no, only lamb, chicken, beef.

But no ban chad?

No, no, nothing else.

Okay, no couscous?

I'm trying to get him on something.

He's too friendly.

I'm going to try him again.

Maybe he's starting to get a little perturbed and upset and nasty.

I threw Banshot out there to see if he's into you.

You never know.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hello?

Yeah, hi.

I was speaking to an effeminate man over there,

and I think he dropped the phone on accident.

What's happened to you?

No, I was ordering food, and there was an effeminate man.

I think he's a little senile.

I don't like to sell you food.

You don't call, okay?

You have to.

You're forced to, or there's going to be trouble for you, mister.

I'll call the police for you, okay?

Faggot.

I know you.

Faggot.

Bye.

Don't mess with that guy.

He's serious, man.

He said he was going to call the police on us, Tuck.

I said the F word.

Oh, shit.

Is that happening again?

I see.

Any more?

We don't want him to call the police.

We don't want him to call the police this week.

For Christmas?

I know, because we've never had that threat ever before.

We've never been threatened with the police, the bullies.

I know Google had a big announcement today, Tuck.

Do you know what it was?

Did you hear about it?

I was going to get sued last week for my gay escort.

That's good.

I'm trying to accept this stupid call

It's not coming up where I accept it

Show up somewhere

You hear it asking, right?

You got six seals is what you got

Not taking

There we go

They come with a better sound for that

Yeah, I could change it

I could make it the KDK laugh

No answer there

Alright, let's go ahead and call

We got a Wawa food market

We got a few of them here

And I'm going to be calling one right now

W-A-W-A

They're a big chain up in the north of the Yankees

So you can add your own sounds, not just what they have.

Unless you have a Mac.

Piece of shit Mac.

Expensive Mac.

Oh, whatever.

They don't let you do that.

They don't let you have fun on the Mac.

They just want you to spend their money.

Yeah, I bet they do.

Someone look into that for me.

I'm Tuck.

I don't fucking know how to use options.

My mouse only has one button.

I'm Tuck.

Cool sound effects I can use.

Yeah.

Hi, thanks for calling Get In Space and Long Island Computer.

There's nobody available to answer your call.

Please leave a message and somebody will...

I'm trying to call that bitch, Dr. Lego.

He doesn't pick up the phone.

Dr. Lego?

I don't know if I took...

Dr. Lego, does he still do shows and shit?

Let's see.

I don't know.

Let's go to his site.

Let's go to his site, prankhallradio.com, right?

I took out prankhallnation.com, dude.

We got to do something with that.

No, sir, I'm not being an asshole.

I'm just saying we got to do something with that.

Well, prankcallradio.com is still up.

I don't see any word about this.

No word about shows.

I could have sworn he said he still does shows.

What was the date talking about?

Last update was 2007.

Your what?

What?

When was his last update, 2007?

Oh, no, no, no.

He was doing shows a few months ago, as far as he told me.

Oh, okay.

I don't know what happened since then.

I'm grabbing a few of these Wawa machines.

I'm going to give them a call.

I'm going to open up a notepad.

So, Tuck, you got a Mac.

Do you have a note, like, you know, we have Notepad, you know, you can make a text document on the fly.

Do you have anything like that on the Mac, iOS, on the OS?

Is it called Note Machine?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, whatever, like that, yeah.

What?

You want a text document?

What kind of text document do you want?

I'm just curious.

I tried to install, I downloaded, I got my hands on a downloaded copy of Leopard, Snow Leopard, you know,

and I was going to install it on my laptop or my server.

I wanted to learn it just to have, you know, the experience.

What kind of machine was it?

Well, none of my laptop processor doesn't support the virtualization that will let me run it on there.

Yeah, I don't think it will work.

Yeah, no, you can, but you've got to have a certain kind of processor.

And then the one for the server has the processor for it.

But I don't have – I've got to get a better –

No, the birds work on Intel processors.

Well, yeah, I know, I know, I know.

But, yeah, the Intel processor that I have in particular doesn't support it on a laptop.

I've got an AMD processor that does support it, but you have to have a special BIOS for this particular motherboard.

But the computer that I have it with, it's actually like an old Compaq kind of computer.

It's not necessarily like ASUS or something that they have custom hacks for like that.

So I can get it done.

I just have to request it at a few websites.

There's a few websites out there that will give you custom ones and stuff.

but i was like oh fuck that's too much work and i really wanted on the laptop not on the server the

server just sits there for shit i wanted to have the mac you know operating system running in a

virtual computer on my uh windows 7 laptop so i just want to learn you know how to navigate in

there and how to troubleshoot things and so when i get customers in the future and now they'll call

me because right now i'll get a customer where i work and they're on a mac i'm like oh fuck well

you're gonna have to hold because i'm gonna have to you know find instructions online on how to do

this because i don't know i don't and it happens a lot gotcha right and i'm trying to make myself

more marketable plus yeah i'd like to learn i mean i'm trying to remain open-minded i thought

about buying a mac a few times but it's just too damn expensive tuck i mean like yeah they have

word and all that stuff yeah i know microsoft version i know word and mac version of this and

that yeah i mean if you i mean you're not going to be able to game on it very much but you can

do anything else for them you can surf the web and you can definitely do a better job i could do

Do a better job at editing podcasts and stuff like that.

And, you know, show audio.

Garage Band.

If you have Adobe stuff, I have the, what is it?

Flash.

Soundbooth is a great audio editor.

What about, I hear about Garage Band a lot.

Garage Band this, Garage Band that.

You ever use that?

Nah, Garage Band is gay.

It's gay.

It's old, right?

Isn't it one of the old, from the 90s, I think?

It's been out for a while, right?

One of those tried and true user.

It's from the first OS X family, and it's updated of that.

Is it Apple's? It's not Apple's, though. It's somebody else, right?

It's their own thing, or is it Apple's product?

Yeah, no, it's Apple's.

Oh, it is Apple's product.

iLife. It's from the iLife package.

Oh, okay. I didn't know that. See, I don't know these things, man.

I mean, I'm sure it's a nice... I mean, Mac fans are Mac fans.

They've got their own little culture going on, and I like to be able to, you know...

I may not be a Mac daily user, but I like to be able to help out customers that aren't a Mac.

because I mean

I feel like an asshole

when I can

anyway

no

everyone uses

autotunes

and

autotune

and all that kind of stuff

Kanye

I heard Kanye West

has a new

autotune program

coming out

Adobe Soundbusters

is really good

for editing though

yeah

cool

alright

calling one of those

wah-wahs

wah

wah-wah

fucking gravity

do you hate

fucking gravity sometimes

gravity's a bitch

Tuck I want to mention

and I posted in the forums about people helping us out with some voiceover work for promos.

You've heard some of them, Tuck.

I've got the music all edited up.

Thank you for calling Good Mills.

Why don't I help you?

Yeah, listen.

I don't appreciate the fact that your things are always in cleaning mode over there,

and I can't get what it is that I want to get.

What's in cleaning mode?

The icy kind of thing.

You know that ice thing?

What do you call that thing with the butane propane on it?

The icey?

That thing's always in a cleaning mode.

That's an auto-cycle.

I don't control that.

It does that itself.

It freezes and thaws.

The other day I came in, and the man said that he thought that someone during the day kept doing it

right before the time that I always come in at the same time because I'm on a schedule.

And he said that I had to call in and talk to the people before I headed out there to make sure they had turned.

She said to make sure that you turned the cycle machine off, she said.

And she told me that she works on the late shift, and she told me that.

To call in before I come out and say that you're supposed to turn off the cycle machine on it.

Turn off the icy machine?

Yes.

If I turn it off, it will definitely go into defrost.

They're all frozen right now.

If you're coming the next five minutes, they're all frozen.

I have no idea what they would have told you.

She told me to make sure I call three of them as before and that you turn off the cycle machine

to make it stop going into the clean spin cycle that it does where it messes the things up.

Who did you speak to?

Martha.

There's no one here by that name.

She works at the other Walla Walla.

She said, anyone that I go to, you're supposed to be able to turn off the cycle machine.

I have no idea what cycle you're talking about.

She's a manager, and she can get you in trouble.

I believe you. I'm not saying you're wrong.

I have no idea what you're talking about turning off.

I'd be happy to do it, but I don't know what you're saying to turn off.

Just because I'm from the Republic of Samoa doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm talking about.

Racist. I don't know how they are about Samoans.

No one gives Samoans a good time.

I'm going to tell her she doesn't have to hang up on me.

Good evening, ma'am.

Let me help you.

She doesn't need to hang up on me like that.

Okay, honey.

I have no idea what cycle you want me to turn off.

I'm not prejudiced.

I don't know where you're from, but I have no idea what you want me to turn off.

Honey, let me talk, please, honey.

You don't need to hang up.

Let's talk about hanging up.

Why did you do that?

Because I'm going to call back.

Can I help you?

Because I have a lot of things to do.

If I can help you, I'm happy to.

There's nothing I can turn off.

The ice machine, it goes through its cycles on its own.

I really do not know what you want me to turn off.

But if it's turning, I can't get the stuff out.

Every time that it's turning, and I want to get some out, but the thing is turning, and I can't get it out.

Okay.

I don't understand how hard it is to turn it off so people can get the product.

Do you not sell it there?

But what happened?

Why did you hang up the phone?

Just explain that for us.

Sir, I have no idea where you're from, and when you start saying I'm being rude to you because you're from a different country,

that's when I know I cannot even have the conversation with you.

But how did the phone...

The ice machine is working right now.

If you want to come in, help yourself.

There's nothing I can turn off on it.

If I turn it off, it thaws out, and then it's liquid.

But if it's moving...

Come on in if you want it.

Hello?

I'm not prejudiced.

No, you won't.

Hello?

How do you get the stuff out if it's turning?

Because you're not supposed to.

It messes it up.

You pull the handle down, and it comes out.

Come on in.

I'll be happy to help you get a nice thing.

It'll mess it up.

The lady said it messes it up.

No, come in.

I'm happy to help you, but I can't continue this right now.

I need to go to line.

Will you pull on the thing for me?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Say it like that.

Say that part.

I should lift the phone up the hood.

We'll keep her in the background and I'll call someone else

I wonder how far away Glenn Mills is from Aston PA

She's giving you the business

She's giving me the business

I'm giving you the business, motherfucker

Play that music again

She can't hear me, I got her on mute

We're going to call another Wawa

How do you conference again? What do you hit here, Tuck?

Oh, forget it, you got the Mac version

Never mind

I got to remember where it is on the new machine

I mean, hey, I need a password code for the guy in that house.

Yeah, you told me, but I was in the toilet when you told me at the airport.

Good evening, this is Wawa Marion speaking for you.

Hey, is this Wawa?

Yes, it is.

Listen, I'm on a hold over here at the Glen Mills place, and she doesn't want to answer my questions,

and she said I had to call you back and ask about the IC machine.

Okay, what's this pertain to?

The Glenn Mills wah-wah, she said to give you a call.

I know, you're in Aston.

She's in Glenn Mills.

She's on the other line.

Well, she said you're supposed to tell me how to pull on the thing for the Icy.

She says you're not supposed to turn it off.

Who is this?

Tuck, did you see the message I sent out about us making toilet?

Hey, listen.

What happened with Kim over there?

Because she's the one over there telling me to do this and do that,

And I look like a jerk calling the other Wawa when they said they don't know what she's talking about.

Sorry, hold on a minute.

Kim's right at the register, okay?

She's a maniac.

Okay, hold on a minute.

Hey, is this Kim?

Yes.

Hey, Kim, listen.

I was talking to the Glenn Mills Wawa.

I was talking to Gabrielle over there.

Okay.

She said to give you a call that you people, she said that you guys were all wrong, that I could talk to Kim and get it straightened out.

What do I need to help you with?

It's the IC machine.

What about it?

They told me that I can call any Wawa before I go out, at least 30 minutes out.

and they'll turn it off

the cycle machine

on the icing machine

and that's how I can

use the extraction thing.

But I can't go there

and start pulling on things

and the machine's running

and it's going to break

and then who's responsible?

I'm going to be liable for this.

I don't even know

who I'm talking to.

You want me to shut

my icing machine down?

Well, if I'm going to come in

and use the extrude,

the extrude mode on it,

you have to turn off

the cycle machine.

Have a good night.

You too.

Thank you.

I have no idea

what you're talking about.

Someone said good night.

Are you doing...

What?

Who said have a good night?

What are you talking about?

I've never had to turn the ice machine off.

But how do you explain to me how you're supposed to get stuff out when the machine's still running?

It's going to break.

I'm not talking to you.

You're rude.

You see what I mean?

You're rude.

Why?

See what I mean, Tuck.

Hang on.

What are they talking about over there?

You heard over there explaining it.

I'm going to call the police.

Man, I've got to take a piss.

I know I just got on the air, but I've really got to make urinate.

Boiled again by the smart women of the wall.

That's a long bunch of words.

A lot of chicklets in the mouth right there.

All right, let's play some PLA pranks here from back in the day while I go urinate.

I'll be right back.

Thank you.

Urination.

To the fucking window so we can take your goddamn order.

You

that indeed everybody

showing you how to do that all i know is that i ruined my toaster uh two years ago when rbcp

supposedly posted a way that you could do that you know do what um doing hack into the um using

a toaster shut up use a toaster and you connect the cb radio to it and um he said this you can

You connect a CB radio to a toaster, and you're supposed to put some bread in it.

You turn it on, and then you can talk to the people on the drive-thru.

But it only works for certain ones, only the ones that serve Pepsi.

They don't like any of that.

They just sell Coca-Cola.

It's only the PepsiCo ones, like Taco Bell, KFC, A&W, the Yum Foods.

Why is Pepsi important to the toaster?

Because PepsiCo was the company that used to own and run KFC and Taco Bell and Pizza Hut and stuff like that.

And in their drive-thrus, they have a certain kind of radio machine for the drive-thru people.

And that one is exploitable as what you're hearing, you understand.

and um but that company that company was later divested over to a company out of japan called

yum foods y-u-m exclamation point foods and they own all those and they uh and what uh also uh

long john silvers is in that and also a and w don't work no more a and w yeah but it was a

april fool's joke and i ruined my toaster thank you asshole i almost started a fire in my car

Did you leave the bread in too long?

Because it seems like you had to have the bread down

Working the machine

For you to get the frequency

I almost started

I almost started a fire in my car

And I could have been dangerous

And then I would have put a lawsuit

I like how the lady

Is saying she's going to put a lawsuit

I love that

I'm going to put a lawsuit

She's going to call the police

She's going to kick their ass, call the police

And then pull a lawsuit

On the restaurant

That's trying to explain to her

It's not us

It's someone in the fucking parking lot

Using a radio that they're tapping into ours

I love that

That would be great

That would be tons of fun to do

You'd have to do it somewhere

With a lot of other parking lots

And shit going on around

You have to be aware of where

Where you are

That's right

You've got to be watching the cops

And you've got to have a CB radio in the background

Watching the cops

I know how to do it

There's apps that do that now

On the iPhone

Mike Tucker

Why don't you have an iPhone

If you like the Mac so much

Do you even have a cell phone

Because I don't fucking go anywhere

I don't need it

You never drive

You have a car

I do but I'm driving

I don't need my fucking shit

You don't ever drive into town

To buy stuff like condoms, tampons

Yeah but I mean

I mean, that gets me a break away from here and the computer shit.

I'm going to break from the computer shit.

You should get a burner.

I don't want to take it with me.

Get a burner.

Get a burner phone, man.

You can get a phone for like $20 and it's like $0.10 a minute and you can do pranks on it.

Yeah, why though?

Why not?

Well, yeah, that's an idea.

Get a burner.

Let's call Wawa and ask about burners.

We're going to continue calling Wawa.

We also got Mike Boner and some lodging.

Logging.

Lodging.

Mike Boner and some lodging.

Wawa Food Machine.

Coming up again.

Hey, I was asking about those burner phones over there.

You got any burners?

About what?

The burners.

You got any burners?

Who is this?

This is Cross.

You got any burners over there?

You know what I'm talking about?

Mm-mm.

You know those phones that are like burner phones that you just, you can stay anonymous and you get them?

Why does she hang up?

I'm asking her a legit question.

They got burner phones.

Stupid.

I'll call her back.

I'll insult her first for hanging up and asking her.

I'll make a big deal about that.

Like, what's with the hanging up?

i like doing that i had a customer hang up on me the other day and i did that i called him i said

what's hanging up you didn't think i had your phone number and your address and your social

security number here in front of me and all this shit you're gonna say fuck you to me and then act

like that call them back say hey man i got a lot of information here you know i know a lot fuck you

up i said i just like this i'll fuck you up man let me imagine that's not true but that'd be kind

of some balls call a customer in my hey i'll fuck you up man um if i get to the point where

i can quit my job the last day i'll probably do something like that just for the hell of it i

worked at a call center back in 2006 and i got a chance to quit it and i transferred one person to

pizza hut remember that all right i'm gonna do another wild wild call here see if we can find

out about the uh burner phones you know this was in philly i'm sure they know about burners over

there maybe calling yet supposed to call you now give her a second what's your 18 how can i help

you how are you good that's super hey listen what about the burner phones over there what do you

you got going on with them you got net 10 what you got phone cards no no i want burner phones

burner phone yeah uh hold on play still there yeah you got them burner phone burner phones the

only thing we have is um phone cards i don't understand anything else no you don't know what

a burner phone is no i have no idea there's a phone you use so people can't track you you know

these clean phones no we don't have any of them but prepaid all you got is burner cards yep we

get net 10 cards there yeah yeah they're 10 cents right how much are they 10 cents a minute what do

i do for it not 10 i have no clue i don't use them i don't know anything about them is there one that

a lot of people use there a lot what's the most popular one so i know because i want to come i

want to get cards from you you know i like this place it's nice you guys got nice deals nice

things there okay hold on a second as girls hello can i help you i'm trying to figure out what's

us to deal there with the with the burner phone cards with the what phone cards for the burners

you know burner i don't know what that is it's a it's a phone that you use for bad things you know

no i have no idea what that is you get a uh like a cheap phone at the gas station okay you know

then you can buy these like a prepaid cell phone you mean yeah because you got bad credit and then

you don't want the police to know who you're calling and stuff like that if you get caught

okay all right so what's your question you got the cards for that there um the only ones that

we carry are for

like all the

main companies

like the Virgin

Mobile, the

Verizon, the

Singular, those

types are the only

ones.

We don't carry

off-brands.

Do you got it

for Schwarza?

No.

You don't got

Net 10s?

Net 10, I can

take a look.

That one sounds

familiar, but let

me just double

check to see if

I have that one.

Because that one,

man, they don't

ask for any

information or

nothing.

All right, hold

on one second.

You don't got to

give the name or

anything.

You can put in

like Baba Booey.

Just going to

check, everybody.

That's good.

That's good. That's good.

The burner to get everybody is the Net 10, I'm telling you.

Maybe they wait 10 minutes. He's getting off work.

I see. I see.

Okay, the only three that I have are AT&T, Virgin Mobile, and Verizon.

Oh, you don't have the Net.

All right, because, man, I'll tell you what, the Net 10, they don't take your information.

You can put in, like, any name.

You can get that Rite Aid sells those.

Rite Aid. Rite Aid.

All right, but here you don't have any cards for Net 10.

No, we don't. No, I just have the three that I mentioned.

Maybe in the past they did, you know, but now you don't have it anymore because it's for bad things.

I do bad things with the phone.

The other day I took the phone and I called somebody and then I threw the phone off a bridge into the water.

Okay.

I didn't want them to track me down.

Okay.

Is there anything else I could help you with because I've got a line of people I need to help?

Yeah, then I buy drugs with the phone.

I call my friends to buy drugs and stuff with the phone.

All right.

Well, you have a nice day.

I like to call for marijuana and stuff.

Yeah, he doesn't understand.

Murder phone, that's what you use.

Whatever, that's really stupid.

I gotta go, um, I'm leaving the room again, sorry.

So I'm gonna have to, I'm getting something taken care of here.

More hotel shit.

You just keep that in mind.

You're gonna put us through to the room or not?

No, I'm not.

Unless you give me the name of the guest in the room, I'm not gonna get through.

Didn't you already?

Sarah Washington, 308.

And she's pregnant and she's troubled and she needs to speak with us right now.

Who is this that's calling?

I'm her sister-in-law.

Sister-in-law.

And you have a name?

Of course I have a name.

And I don't appreciate your bitchy little attitude.

Jesus doesn't like that either.

Ma'am?

Are you in public relations?

Would you like to talk to the manager?

I'll be glad to transfer you to the manager.

Is the manager a bitch also?

I think you'll probably get as far with her as you will with me calling me a bitch.

You're going to get as far with me as you would with Jesus calling Jesus a bitch.

Now put me through to the fucking room.

Very busy.

Oh, boy.

I just want to make a point.

Actually, I'm afraid of heights.

If I can interrupt that asshole who's talking over there, making jokes.

I think it's not the man's responsibility to pull out dinner, to thaw out.

I think this is the woman's responsibility before she goes out to work to take out the dinner and let it thaw herself.

Because I don't know what dinner she wants to make.

I don't think it's the man's job to make the dinner.

I don't think it's the man's job to pull out the dinner either.

I'm a man and I don't have to do that.

And I want to be on record saying that.

And this is recorded.

Thank you.

You care?

Too bad.

That's why I know I just said I said too bad you see this right here

And I pulled down my pants to say you see this right here. You see this right here

I'm a man. I don't have to do that. So when you need the trash taken out or something fix you call me

I'm your guy, but pulling dinner around and this and that about the dinner. Fuck you

What was that was the Skype ringing? I heard a doo-doo

Sounded Skype ish

Okie-dokie China chili cheese restaurant. Let's call them. We got some more lonesome losers

here. The Fat Boy's Bar and Grill. Fat Boy's

is a very good barbecue. Just to let you know.

They got good sauces. So there's what's called the

loggers. Mike Boner and his son

are commercial loggers. I think we're supposed to block

Google Ads. Maybe because

it's a Chrome. We can't.

We have Chrome now. I can't block

Google Ads very well.

There's extensions to AdBlock and

I... That was a Ustream ad.

Yeah, I have that.

This is Kyle. Yeah, is this the logging place?

Huh? I need to talk to some

some loggers about a job i need to get a logger you know loggers yeah what did i call i called

the wrong area code i called the wawa again whoops i don't know what that's about how that

happened he's like wrong number i should call him back

that's stupid no that's the burner place that i called but i just called asking for a logger

Whoops.

That's pretty funny, though.

Hey, man, I need to get a lager.

I could be talking about beer, but I understand over there in Pennsylvania you can't buy beer.

I do wrong numbers, but we're less than halfway through.

Chuck, can you buy beer at the gas station over there where you live?

Does that work?

Or no?

Yeah.

You can.

Grocery store, too, or no?

Thank you for calling Fatboy Streaky.

How can I help you?

Hey, big girl, how you doing?

Good.

All right, listen, I was talking to Annie.

I need to talk to somebody about the barbecue sauce over there.

Uh-huh.

Is there any of that gluten in it?

You don't have to check.

Hold on one sec.

You taste some?

Shit.

Excuse me.

So, yeah, Tuck, I was saying before, I know Google has a conference right now,

and they had a big announcement about it was search-related, they said.

Not a big announcement, but a new product.

I didn't get a chance to follow it, though.

I was busy.

I wasn't watching the live coverage.

I don't know if you guys heard anything about it.

I'm going to check the news right now for it.

What?

I don't know.

They had already said for several days they were going to have a big thing being announced today.

not a you know let's see i'm looking who who is announcing google did today man google leviathan

you know them no i know google no here we go no listen this is what it is instant search google

is offering its users instant gratification by showing search results why a request is being

typed that sounds pretty cool i have to check that out is that already in place what do you mean

like if you the minute you know how now when you go to google to the site and you start typing and

and it starts giving you suggestions as to what it might be, you know, to autocomplete,

which I love.

Oh, that saves so much time.

As you're typing in.

Yeah.

I like it.

I might be, let's say I'm putting in touch-tone terrorist.

And I'll put in touch-tone space in a teen that's already saying touch-tone terrorist,

touch-tone list, you know.

There is no gluten in our flour, or I mean in our barbecue sauce.

There is no gluten in our barbecue sauce.

But you said we're saying something about sour.

Are you sure?

Huh?

There's no gluten in the barbecue sauce.

Are you sure?

because if I have even a little bit of gluten, it just affects me.

Yeah, we just looked on the ingredients.

We use Sweet Baby Ray's, and then we add seasoning to it.

Okay.

It doesn't have any flour in it?

Nope, none whatsoever.

Do you do anything with flour over there?

Yes, we do a lot of stuff with flour, but that's not one of them.

But is there a way you can keep the meats separate

when you make my meats from the flour and everything?

Yeah, oh, yeah.

There's nothing on our grill that we use flour with.

That's good.

You just fry it with flour?

Yeah, we just fry it with flour.

Okay, that's good.

Well, you know, that really just messes up my whole idea, so I don't have anything else.

Oh, no.

Sorry about that.

All right, whatever.

Thanks for a lot.

Thanks for nothing, asshole.

Okay.

All right, bye, stupid, stupid bitch.

Why does she have to have no gluten in the fucking sauce?

I had nothing at that point.

I was going to make a big argument about that.

And I feel bad because she's really being nice.

I just didn't call her a bitch or something.

I just said stupid.

It's not a big deal.

I had an idea for a license plate.

And you're being an asshole about it.

I want to get a vanity...

In Florida, you don't have to have a license plate in front of your car

so you can get those goofy ones or whatever you want.

You get the stupid white people get the gators on there.

I'm sure where you live, they probably get the Vols, the volunteers.

Oh, the Vols.

Yeah, that's what you get where you live, probably.

I'm a Vols fan.

I never went to college, but I'll fucking fuck you, motherfucker.

Orange and white tea.

Yeah, and you know these people never went to college.

They're fucking working construction.

They're like, I'm with the Balls.

Never, ever, no.

I'm with the Gator Nation.

I'm with the Gator Balls.

Yeah.

I'm with the Gator Balls.

I know a guy who was in jail for a year.

He was down to like his 11th month, and he had good behavior,

and he's a fucking guy.

He never went to college.

Just a friend of mine who was in prison, and he was like three weeks off,

and the fucking fsu fucking uf gators game was on and he got into an argument with a black guy

and they got into a fight and he beat the shit out of the black guy and he got an extra three

years in prison it's like dude you were like three weeks away and you fucking you got into

a fucking college football game so much where you have no chance ever in your life you're such a

piece of shit you have no chance ever in your life of going to college let alone being any way

Really invested

I can imagine if I was like

If I got my masters at UF

Then I'd be someone up over it

That was my alma mater

This guy's like

I barely finished high school

The guy that finished high school

At 20 years old

Is going to get into a fight

Over his favorite college football team

And he buys everything

He's a gator

Yeah, Maven can.

Maven, if you're listening out there, big girl, call in.

We'll record those piece by piece on the phone right here.

We will do it.

In the meantime, I've got to do more pranks.

I'm dragging here.

John Smith in England.

John Smith.

Isn't John Smith, that's a common name, but that sounds like a...

Who was a John Smith in the past?

Any e-sail in the Puta Maria?

In the Puta Maria.

That would be the whore Mary

In Spanish

Isn't John Smith the name of a fucking captain

Of some fucking gay ship that came to America

Back in the day from England

A bunch of Puritans

Is it John Smith I don't know if it is

Pocahontas or something

I don't know

Yeah Pocahontas I think it's John Smith and Pocahontas

I got his number here

Let's give him a call he's in England

I think she's going to call in though

Hang on

She's got to tell me for sure

Sure, now I've just got to wait.

Tell her, hey, big girl, there's a prank call.

Man, I'd go for some barbecue right now.

I ought to call Fat Boys back and say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hello?

John?

Hello?

I'm sorry about calling at this time.

Is it too late?

Yes, it is.

I'm sorry.

Bye.

Can I speak to John, please?

Why did I do that?

That was stupid.

Try again.

Let's ask for permission this time.

What was I talking about?

I got off track.

John Smith.

Boca Hanna.

I said we should do something, but I forgot.

Listen.

Let's go to Poker Haunted.

Listen.

Yeah.

Why don't you talk to me?

Please.

Please talk to me.

Don't hang up.

Please.

No.

It's important that I talk.

Someone just needs to listen to my information.

Please.

Hello?

I'm begging you, please.

This is serious.

This is something I need to tell somebody.

Please listen.

Please respond.

I know you're listening to me.

Please.

I beg you.

Just say, just acknowledge or hit a button if you hear me.

Please.

I'm a father

Alright

That's not gonna work

I'm a father

My mother works

I should have said that

I'm a mother

Okay later

Barbecue's what I was

Talking about

That's right

I could go for some

Barbecue right now

I want King in the UK

Coming in

Thank you Lonesome Loser

Good work

Ken the Gouging

He did book

Hot ass

Tombstone checking in

He knows I'm on the air

Right now

But is it okay

If you ask me something

When the show is over

Ask me something now

Tombstone

You know

That's an awesome movie

Tombstone

Of all those movies in the 90s, that's one of my favorite 90s movies is Tombstone.

That's a badass movie.

That was a very underrated movie, I think.

I got to agree with you there.

Yeah, dude.

Tombstone is an awesome movie.

If you haven't watched that, dude, that's got to be on Netflix somewhere.

Tombstone, man.

Who was in that?

Was Val Kilmer in that?

He was in one of those.

But not Tombstone, was it?

No, no, no, no.

Val Kilmer was in that.

Kirk Russell was in it.

Oh, he was.

Okay, I got the right name.

Sam.

Raimi?

Sam Neill?

Sam Elliott.

No, Sam Elliott was in that.

Yeah, Sam Elliott was in that.

The cowboy.

The big mustache cowboy guy.

Yeah, yeah.

It is Sam Elliott, right?

I confused Sam Elliott with the guy that was in Jurassic Park.

Yeah, that sounds right.

Yeah, there's a guy that was in Jurassic Park.

Sam Elliott was the guy in The Hulk.

Sam Neill.

I confused them because they're both named Sam.

Wasn't he the dude in The Hulk, too?

The Hulk was Banner.

Eric Banner.

Yeah, but Sam Elliott was like a general or something, right?

Or wasn't he like a fucking field officer?

I don't know why people didn't like that first Hulk

I liked the shit out of the first Hulk

The first Hulk was good

I don't know why people disliked that

It was just fun to watch

I didn't take it serious

Because it was paced badly

For a Marvel superhero thing

It was paced badly

Well for the Hulk they had a lot they could have done

That they didn't

Someone asking

Bro you guys had

Bro, you guys had Madhouse Radio and iPhones.

It didn't mean, do we have?

Hang on.

Do we have or had?

That doesn't make any sense.

How do you English talk, sir?

Where are you from?

Say it again.

Mr. Brown.

Some guy, last name Brown, was talking about, do we have an iPhone machine?

I don't have an iPhone machine, so sorry.

No.

All right, let's call Alan King.

Man, I got to call back the barbecue place and apologize and just tell him it's just that I'm in the mood for barbecue.

I got bursitis or something.

I don't know.

I'll say something.

He didn't call you?

shit which one is this this is alan this is alan no she didn't call in hello hello hey listen i was

just talking to ann she said to call over give alan a call about coming in i was supposed to

talk to alan about him coming in to substitute him where coming into the plant to substitute

for the volunteer work he signed up no you got the wrong one no ann said to call from the office

is really sucking today, sir.

Sorry, sir.

Talk to...

Sucking, Tuck.

Talking.

She ready to call in yet?

Listen, is this Alan?

What do you want?

Well, your wife hung up.

I don't...

What was that about?

How'd that happen?

Did she make a mistake?

No, no, she didn't hang up.

We're fed up with these

nuisance phone calls.

What nuisance phone calls?

I'm calling from the plant.

Ann said to give you a call.

Said Alan needs to come

into the plant.

Volunteer.

What plant?

What are you talking about?

The plant.

What are you talking about?

The cement plant.

Cement plant?

We don't know what you're talking about.

So just...

Listen, you horse's ass.

Cement...

Hey, shut up.

You're the fucking horse's ass.

Good.

That was good.

That's a drop right there we can use.

You're the fucking...

I think it's too late for me to grab that shit.

I want to hear that now.

I want to hear that in real time, but it's too late already.

Must hurry, must hurry.

Maybe it's there to get a grocery store when she calls that number.

A grocery store?

See how you sound Tuck

Isn't that funny

I listen back to my

Shows and stuff and I cringe too

You get used to it

I used to cringe a lot man

Yeah I'm not more used to it than I was

I've done this

It's a podcast back in like

2006-2007

And I kind of get over my cringe-worthy

Nits

Remember our good friend Venison

Listen, he has recorded some of the voiceovers for us, too.

That's nice.

Oh, cool.

Very nice.

Kokanee's out fishing today, just so you know.

He's editing podcasts.

Someone's asking me a little earlier today, when are we putting more stuff up on the Madcast?

That's going to be Kokanee's working on that now.

That'll be pretty soon.

Stand by for that.

Yeah, there's plenty of stuff.

The Dead complaining about his classes.

He's back in school.

I'm thinking about going to get my bachelor's done next semester at the big university again.

Your bachelor's?

bachelor's degree you're married we're coming in for b queenie funny name b queenie reporting that

madhouse live is awesome makes studying in college so easy okay studying for college is not uh i don't

know i try to study now i wouldn't do when i was younger i used to be able to listen to talk radio

and study when i was first going to college and when i was in high school back in the late 90s

i could do that and that was good but now i end up if i try listening to the madhouse stuff or

Or, you know, if I try to listen to Lego or Zolar and shit like that while I was trying to study, I just ended up not studying.

It was bad.

It got really bad to a point.

And I had to force myself not to, you know, tune into any of these podcasts or Howard and shit like that.

Just music I can listen to.

And not even rap music.

Because then I start listening to the lyrics.

It's fucking crazy.

Just instrumentals and, you know, new agey kind of stuff.

What was I doing here?

I'm zoning out.

I got a number that I copied.

Yeah, Maven.

And Zolar signing in.

Zolar.

What cost did this call us to cents per minute?

Yeah, hi.

Listen, buddy.

I wanted to let you know, Mr. Queenie, that we're looking to see if we could come down to the plant

and do a little bit of volunteer work for us.

We've got some problems with the water backing up.

This is B. Queenie.

What is this place?

This is Cross.

I'm calling from the plant.

I was wondering if you'd be maybe nice enough to come down and join us.

We'll make some teas.

How do you got this number?

You're on the list from the local ministry.

You're in the local book, the local register, you know, from the ministry office.

So you're down here for volunteer work, and we're calling you in.

Your name is?

This is Cross.

I'm operator 227.

Who are you calling from?

Well, I'm calling from the call center in the United States,

but we make the calls on behalf of the local ministry there, Stockport.

And they're calling you in a service under Her Majesty's name.

You need to come in and help out with the bilge pump in the plant.

No, no, sir.

No, I'm not.

I'm on antidepressants, but I'm not drunk.

I'm not drunk.

Damn it.

You better understand I'm not drunk.

Call him back and explain that part.

You better understand I'm not drunk, bastard.

This call is two cents per minute.

How does she get a grocery store, Tuck?

That's impossible.

Did I send her?

I think I copy pasted you one of the calls I was pranking.

Look at those numbers.

That's funny.

Whoops.

That is what I did.

Hello?

There you go.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

There's the one.

Your call cannot be taken at the moment.

hello hello love we'll get me up with some acdc today sir maybe tonight pretty soon okay good

news venison is uh sending in a link for a zip file zip file which contains voiceovers he's

recorded for us so now we can start making those and we're going to use uh uh what's her face

mia's right also it's gonna be good tuck this is gonna be good dude i got a whole bunch of them

he's got way more than what i asked for all right i got these ready listen you want to listen a few

view these talk all right let's oh no instead of doing pranks i'll play these and all right cool

all right that's cool i'm gonna record hers too we need a woman's woman's better woman sassy

all right let's see and carlito prick why hey he called me a moody prick what would he say that

carlito what the fuck is that at least for now and now carlito who is this guy yeah i like that

that's pretty cool all right madhouse radio with echo madhouse radio that's good i thought venison

would do good with this he's got a good set of pipes on him yeah that's what i was looking for

was pipes madhouse radio cool that works good hey guess what madhouse radio is live yeah i like that

it sounds like a vietnam flashback right hey you're listening to madhouse live on cool good

deal this dude we're just gonna open up so many things for us now i'm gonna be yeah i like this

This is all going to be good.

PrankCast.

We've got a prank.

He made two for PrankCast.

This is good, Venison.

If you're listening now, man, you're helping out.

Thanks, man.

Hey, check it out.

You're listening to the PrankCast.

Oh, dude, that's nice and breathy.

You are listening to the PrankCast.

All right.

So there we've got the mouth.

This is 98.6.

The mouth.

Cool.

This is 98.6.

All right.

We're going to start bringing the mouth back.

Yeah, we've got a whole bunch more of these.

This is cool.

This is going to be plenty of stuff for you to work with.

Thank you, Venison.

very good of you very good things will continue here the steamroller is rolling man let me go

back to 1914 venison is listening good work venison you're the man you get honorary uh gold star for

the day super gold star and when m has frozen tombstone sending in a number let me turn this

on no tombstone sending in a number for amanda who's fat big lips and she's spanish so i can

have her way my way with her that's nice dude canadian calculus 2 i was talking to someone

about calculus one and calculus two last night i know that uh most of calculus one is slope how

would you describe calculus two at least the way you're taking i don't know where you're taking it

what school or whatnot but i'm just curious because i might have to be taking oh i know it's

yeah i think it's i think it's a little from what i understand it's a little more trig

um but that's probably you know the changes from state to state per college system the

college system might not be the same but hey you gotta love my mom and dad because i'm taking

Taking in tomorrow to my mom, you know, I think I mentioned my dad had a heart attack at the last week of July.

And then my mom had a heart attack four weeks after he got out.

My dad had a serious heart attack, a major one where they had to revive him with the paddles and everything.

And he had minor surgery.

They put in the angioplasty, angioplasty, you know, the catheter in the thigh next to the rabbit.

And they use the two balloons open up.

They open up, you know, angioplasty balloons in the arteries, open them back up.

up and then they uh put in some stints to keep them from collapsing right right yeah so they

didn't know open heart surgery he literally yeah he literally like died at a reviving there in the

hospital and then my mom has had a minor heart attack four weeks later and i went to the hospital

you know yeah and they checked her out like yeah you need a bypass and they they took her to the

big hospital downtown yeah and she had a open heart surgery can you imagine that it's out of

of the luck and my mom my mom and dad are convinced that it's uh santoria you never

you ever heard of santoria you were telling me that i wasn't i wasn't yeah you know i had a cover

for you for the past month or so yeah it was like crazy stuff was going on yeah what is going on

yeah well that's the whole thing like my mom and dad said they're really into the religious stuff

they're big in the catholic church and they said they found two coconuts wrapped up in tinfoil on

their property about two three months ago and yeah they were researching and they said yeah

yeah, that's Santeria.

I'm like, oh, you mean that crazy Cuban stuff?

She's like, yeah.

I know you probably heard this.

Everyone's heard this stupid song, Santeria,

but it's basically voodoo.

It's a version of voodoo from Africa

that got picked up in the Caribbean

by the slaves that were sent over there.

It's Catholic voodoo?

It's like a Catholic-based voodoo.

It's like a marriage between the Catholic faith

and voodooism from Africa, kind of.

Yeah, I mean, because African slaves

were brought over to the Caribbean,

to Cuba, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic,

public and they mix those beliefs with the catholic beliefs so these people will go to

catholic church but they're also like witch priests and stuff and my mom's convinced that

some people got upset with her and the whole church hierarchy and did that to her yeah that

kind of thing i don't know no that sarah palin isn't uh sacrificing chickens and doves and stuff

like that what are you talking about but she's convinced that something happened yeah she's

convinced that uh they apparently they do stuff for coconuts to bring uh bad stuff to people

They'll put your name in a coconut, and then they'll seal it up or something.

Yeah, but there is an actual YouTube of Sarah Palin being exorcised by a witch doctor.

Really?

Like she did a visit somewhere?

But was that like she was out in the Caribbean, or was she in Alaska with Eskimos?

I don't know where she was, but she was at a church, and some witch doctor preacher did an exorcise on her in front of the YouTube.

YouTube it.

I'm not even making this fucking thing up.

Give her a dickin'.

Let's see.

Sarah Palin.

Dude, this is cool.

I type in Sarah Palin in the new Google, and it's showing me results.

Sarah Palin Witch Doctor.

Well, it's showing me results for Sarah Palin breast implants already.

Really quick.

That's pretty funny.

All right.

Sarah Palin Witch.

I didn't know there was a...

Here we go.

Sarah Palin Witch is Sarah Palin's witch doctor.

Gets protection from witches.

What the fuck?

In the name of Jesus.

Every form of witchcraft is what we reveal in the name of Jesus.

Is that real?

Thank you so much.

Here we go.

All right, Tuck, let's listen to this.

In a moment, I'll be asking you that we pray for Sarah, and I'll tell you the reason why.

Sarah.

When we talk about transformation of a community, we are talking about God invading seven areas in our society.

And let me repeat that one more time.

When we talk about transformation of a society, you know, of a community,

it's where we see God's kingdom infiltrate, influence seven areas in our society.

Number one is the spiritual aspect of a society.

Mainly, the church for a long time has just concentrated on that dimension,

whereby we simply want people saved, we want them to go to heaven,

We want them delivered, and that's it.

Let's skip this forward a little bit here.

Hang on.

If you look at the Israelites, that's how they walk.

Oh, my God.

This guy is using himself to talk.

Get to where she's up there.

When we will see that, you know, the talk transport us in the land.

We see, you know, the bankers.

We see the people holding the pass.

They are believers.

We will not have the kind of corruption that we are hearing in our society.

So we go to the third area.

it's in the area of politics tell your neighbor politics do you know what i discovered ed this

is funny the people that who actually split churches they have the gift of politics but

they are exercising it in their own place i came to know there are people who are wired to politics

because god wants to take the political you know dimension of our society all right let me skip

And those people should be prayed for all over the country.

Yeah, I'm getting to it.

I got the video up now so you can watch it.

Is anybody hearing me?

And the last area is talk to God about this woman.

We want to hold them and raise them up here.

Come on, talk to God about this woman.

We declare favor from today.

We say favor, favor, favor.

We say grace, my God.

We say grace to be rained upon her in the name of Jesus.

My God, you make room.

You make ways in the desert.

And I'm asking you today.

We are asking you as the body of Christ in this valley.

Make a way for Sarah.

Make a way, my God.

Bring finances her way.

Even for the campaign in the name of Jesus.

And above all, give her the personnel.

give her men and women that will back her up in the name of Jesus.

We want righteousness in this state.

We want righteousness in this nation.

Because you say that in the name of Jesus.

Oh, Father, you start to turn this nation the other way around.

You start to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children

and the hearts of the children to the fathers

So that the curse that has been the law can be broken in the name of Jesus.

Father, we thank you today.

We come against every hindrance of the enemy standing our way today.

In the name of Jesus.

So what is this?

I mean, what?

Is this really a voodoo priest or is this some guy that said he wanted to protect her from witches?

Or is it both?

I thought it was going to be like African people.

Yeah, both.

Yeah, that's a lot of preaching.

No, it's like in a church somewhere.

Yeah, it is.

I'm playing the video of it.

I got a still shot of it right now.

Yeah, just so people can see what we're saying.

We're going to move on, but I don't know.

Yeah, she is kind of wacky, though, man.

Yeah, but I didn't know he didn't.

Yeah, I know.

I didn't know.

That came out back during the election.

Yeah, you think she's really going to run for president?

I think she's going to, and that's going to be great, because there's no way she's going to win.

She's going to, and no one's going to vote for her because she's a quitter.

Yeah, she did quit being governoress.

She quit?

She quit being governor?

Governoress.

She's a quitter.

I call her governoress.

They got a woman roaming for the Democrats here in Florida.

Any other thing that she does or says is moot because she quit.

She quit her office.

This woman, Alex Sink, is running for the Democratic nomination for governor here for Florida.

And I'm not trying to be a racist or a jerk or anything, but I find it hard to believe that she's half Korean.

And she looks weird.

She doesn't look all there.

Look who looked the soundboards up.

If you want to see how the soundboard works, if you're watching the video feed, here you go right now.

I hover over this, and let's see.

Who can we play here?

The Mouth?

We already played that today.

Where's the Mouth one?

Mouth, Mouth.

Here we go.

Mouth.

98.6.

The Mouth.

That's how that works.

Look at that.

You're watching Madhouse in real time.

Yeah.

All right.

Hey, I'm going to have to scoot on out of here.

There's dinner downstairs.

Uh-oh.

And you're probably wrapping up anyway.

I know.

Sounds like I am, right?

Yeah, I'm kind of slow.

All right, cool.

We'll tuck that should be on then.

Bye.

Bye, Jerk.

All right.

Check them out.

all right canadians are republican but it's canadian hooters west covina i like calling

hooters in a morning with the girls like hey you remember me yeah they usually go yeah like i don't

care just fucking come in come in and fucking pay me money i'm a stripper i just don't get naked

that's all they are the other mouth is on yell with reverb nice venison i almost want to end

the show just to start using that shit for the promos i got two people the third on the way

Hello, thank you for calling Hooters West Covina.

I'm the best happy hour.

This is Jeff.

How can I help you?

Hey, man.

This is Jeff?

Yes.

Oh, you're a dude, right?

Yes.

You don't work there and stuff, do you?

I'm the manager on duty.

What can I do for you?

Oh, that's kind of a bummer.

Okay.

It's just because I have a brain down thing.

I have to talk to you.

If I'm coming in there, it's for the chicks.

I don't want to be talking to the dude back there.

Oh, yeah.

Well, if you are in here, you will not have to deal with me.

You'll be talking to the chicks.

Is there a woman I could talk to right now?

Yeah, did you need to place an order or anything like that?

Yeah, but I'd rather talk to a woman.

Sounds good. Hold on just one second.

All right, thanks.

Thanks for waiting. We'll be right with you.

Talking to dudes.

Hello?

Is this Luis going to help you?

Who's this?

This is Luis.

I said I want to speak to a woman. Are you a woman?

How can I help you?

No, you're not a woman.

How can I help you?

Is there an American I could speak to then?

I'm sorry?

Is there an American person I could speak to?

Speaking to?

No, but you have an accent.

I don't understand you.

Okay, well, then you can try some of the food if you like.

No, no, listen.

I was supposed to talk to a woman.

I hope I talk to the manager on duty first.

He put the fucking...

Who did he put?

The fucking dishwasher in the phone?

Can he make it a good point?

Listen, I don't need to speak to you, all right?

Well, then why do you keep calling me?

Because I was talking to the manager on duty first.

And what did you do?

Did you wash the dishes?

I'm the assistant general manager.

You washed the dishes, then.

Okay.

What was your name?

Luis.

Gonzalez?

No.

Lopez, Martinez, something like that, right?

None of those.

Torres, Benitez.

You had nothing better to do around or what?

No, I'm just, you know, I fight calling hooters just to talk to women

because I'm going to go in there and see the women and look at the women.

You know, give them tips, you know.

Because I went down there and it was the women there that give food, right?

I don't know who these men are that are answering the phone so much.

This is some kind of trap.

These are the managers.

Well, I'm coming in and I don't need you to tell my wife that I'm coming in.

they're talking to my wife

when she calls in

to get a report.

I have a deal with the women

that they don't talk about it

when I come in.

Well, then maybe

you should tell your wife

to keep you in control then.

I am.

I'm in control.

What do you mean my wife?

I'm in control.

Maybe because you work with women.

There we go.

I'm starting to get warmed up.

Now I'm getting angry.

Thank you for calling

who to talk to me.

Is there anything I can help you?

Does your mother work there?

No, but yours probably does.

She does.

Yeah, actually.

Okay.

Listen,

what is it like

to work for women?

You know,

I'm kind of busy right now.

what's it like

to have women

tell you what to do

crazy fucking Mexican

how'd that greasy Mexican

get a job over there

at Hooters

tell me that

grimy Mexican

tornado warning

tornado sirens

or Foxy

where's Foxy

the Foxy

where do you live

out in the fucking

Kansas shit

the fucking boonies

you get a lot of

tornadoes here in Florida

all the time

we get tornadoes here

we don't have

tornado sirens

like they do out west

out there where they live

in tornado country

but we still get a lot

lot of mad number of tornadoes i don't know why they never put tornado machines out here

what does a tornado siren sound like anyway like an air raid siren is that what it's supposed to

sound like let's go he's like whatever scooter scoreboard bar i'm gonna ask him what the score

is for the game you know the game i'm talking about i think i'll do an eddie garcia prank call

just for the hell of it's been a while right yo what's the score of the game who you guys got the

game you guys got the game out there what's up you guys got the game the ball game the ball game

Yeah, the game, the game.

Yeah, you guys got it?

Yeah, yeah, we got it.

What's the score on the game?

The one, what game?

The game that you just said.

That you what?

You had a game over there.

Just tell me what the score is of the game.

What game you're talking about?

The game, man.

You know, the big game tonight.

I want to know if you got the game on.

I'm not going to go in there and waste my time and money on...

Yes, we have the game on, you hoo-hoo.

Expensive beer, nasty food.

You hoo-hoo.

What the fuck is a hoo-hoo?

I'm going to ask him about that now.

Help you?

What was that that he said?

Excuse me?

That he said something nasty.

What was that?

Can you explain?

Who is this?

This is Cross.

I was asking about if you're going to have the game in there.

This guy called me a nasty word.

I'm sorry.

Who was it?

I want to know right now.

I want names right now.

Who is this?

This is going to be a problem for him.

You tell him.

This is Cross.

And I'm calling in to make sure you got the game on.

And some guy was over there and he called me a bad word at the end and he hung up the phone on me.

Who is this?

This is Cross.

Excuse me.

I don't know.

Lou?

Cross.

Brad who?

Cross.

Brad Cross.

And what were you calling about?

I mean, you know, look, this is.

I was calling about.

I am the middleman here.

So don't be yelling at me, please.

No, I'm just.

I'm sorry, honey.

I'm just angry.

Do not be rude with me.

I'm angry and upset.

And I'm, you know, my mother's had a heart attack a few weeks ago.

And I'm just, I just want to come in and watch the game.

And he's telling me about the game.

What game?

The big game tonight.

You know, the big ball game tonight.

And I'm trying to make sure that I go.

What big ball game are you talking about?

The game.

Yes, the game.

What game, honey?

You got all the games there.

I don't even know what game you're talking about.

Do you have a satellite machine?

We have DirecTV and we have satellite, but I don't know what game you're talking about.

But you have a satellite machine there then, right?

We have DirecTV.

You got the NBA package, NFL package, all the packages with the satellite machine?

You do or don't?

I mean, it's an easy question there.

Excuse me.

We have DirecTV and we have satellite.

Satellites.

But I don't know what you're looking for.

What game are you looking for?

Do you have any idea what station it's on?

It's one of, you know, what you can do is if you give me the remote, I know how to find it.

And if you don't have it, then I just hit the buttons to order it, the code.

You just got to give me the code and I'll order it.

We, I mean, if it's something that's blocked, we can't pay for it.

No, but it's one of those things that you pay for with the remote.

No, we don't do that.

We don't do that.

You can because you have DirecTV.

But we will not pay for a game that's blocked.

We won't do that.

But you can, right?

Because I work for DirecTV.

I know how it works.

You just have to have the remote.

Honey.

I'm telling you, sweetie.

Please.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know what game you're looking for.

That's what I'm trying to find out.

Yeah, but all I need...

You want networked fun.

But, honey, if you just give me the remote, then I'll fix it.

I'll make it come on the TV.

That's all.

No, none of it's something we have to pay for.

We will not pay for it.

But I can...

If it's something that's blocked, we can't pay for it.

Well, I work for DirecTV.

I'll bring in the...

It doesn't matter, hon.

And what I'm saying is that it's something that's got to be paid for.

We cannot force out the money to pay for that.

What box do you have?

I'll bring the remote for it myself.

It's okay.

Just tell me what box you have.

Hello?

Yeah, if you tell me what box you have, I'll just bring in the remote for it because I work for it.

I install DirecTV.

We have, like I said, we have DirecTV and we do have Satellite.

Yeah, but if you look at the box for me, then it'll tell you what.

Just tell me the model on the front, the model name, and I'll know what remote to bring.

It's DirecTV.

I don't know.

We have four different boxes.

system there's one of three different boxes that we install for direct tv customers right oh you

know what i'll bring in all three remotes and then i'll just i'll control it from the table

and i'm like i'm in the middle of my happy hour right now and i'm really busy i know i'm just

saying i'm going to bring in a remote i'm going to order the pay-per-view ball game all right

hello i'm having a hard time hearing you right now i'm going to order the pay-per-view ball

game with my own remote okay on your tv now you can't stop me you know if you get it if you get

it on your tv then why are you worried about us having no i have i installed direct tv so i have

the remote that'll work with your box so i'm gonna go okay but i'm gonna control it i'm gonna i'm

gonna put in the middle of my happy hour right now sweetheart i'm really busy it's cost 39.99

for the basketball game so no we are not gonna pay that money for that sweetie we're not gonna

do that well you don't have to you're not paying it i'm just gonna i'm gonna order it we are not

gonna pay for it okay but i'm gonna put it in the remote so you have to pay for it damn it so

I said, I'm just explaining it to them.

I get they understand that.

I'm going to pay it.

I'm not going to pay them.

I'm just going to order it.

I think phone losers should work on that as a prank and not go into order.

But I noticed that these wing houses, Hooters, and these, what is it, Wild Wings.

Buffalo Wild Wings is another big chain that does this.

There's another one out there that isn't in Florida, but I heard there's another big chain out there,

more Westlake, where they always order those UFC fights on the TVs.

tvs but dude you can go out for five bucks you can go out and you can buy a universal remote now

and um like like when

i was at the

hospital my they they lost the remote to my dad's tv and i just um i went five bucks to the kmr down

the road and i bought one i found the code and i gave it to him who was controlling it so i'm

thinking i could go with a very well they make them really small now i could conceal it and then

And in the middle of the UFC fight, I could just start putting in codes, and I could start turning off TVs.

I went in the last time, and they have only one kind of TV for all the small ones all over,

and then they have one big screen one on each side, which are the same models also.

So I just have to find the code for each of them, and I buy two remotes for $5.99 each at Kmart,

and then I program one remote for the small TVs and one remote for the two big screen TVs.

I'm going to go in there and turn them all off.

I think I should be able to turn most of them off by hitting the button once.

Because I think they'll all read the off and they'll turn off.

And that'll piss them off.

I can turn the volume really low and shit like that.

But I think they have their own speakers.

But I can fuck around with them.

I'm thinking about trying that and hopefully I don't get beat up.

I'm going to do it right in the middle of a match, right when something big is going to happen.

And I'll switch the channel to static.

Ha ha ha!

Dude, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to get Evil Arty to go with me and I'll get in and record it on an Android phone on Ustream.

We'll do it live.

There's an idea.

Write that down.

we need to make that uh project uh fucking i don't know project red eye there you go

lonesome loser work on it new new write it down project red eye i'm gonna record that live

anybody know how the phone show was last night let me know curious to see how it went

get an 80 and order a gay porno from the universal remote and let me look for any of the numbers here

we got cooter salvage that's the last one of the day thank you lonesome loser for sending in numbers

Cracker.

How you doing there, salvage boy?

That's good.

Hey, man, you guys got my Buick there?

Got what?

My wife wanted to get my Buick towed away, and I left out of town.

I came back, it's gone.

And I think you have my Buick.

Let me tell you something.

You don't have no papers for that.

I better hope you have.

Well, first of all, I don't have your Buick.

You better have the papers for my car when I come down here.

I don't have your car.

You have my, do you have the papers for it?

I don't even have the car.

I don't have nothing.

Do you have any papers?

I want proof in the papers that you don't have my car.

I want you to print it out right now and fax it to me.

I don't have a fax machine.

I'm going to come down there and get it then.

What time are you open until?

Come down.

It ain't here.

I want you to print it.

Do you have a record of all the cars that you have there?

VIN numbers?

I like messing with salvage yards because they're so fucking mean and nasty.

I just want to play the reclude ones.

Actually, reclude started off and we called them a year later with me.

And he had a cop call me back.

Play those as we head out of here.

We'll have reclude and salvage yard.

Take us out.

Hey.

Hello.

Hello, ma'am.

I'm going to answer from the ma'am.

ma'am woman a salvage yard lady oh can you turn your tv down damn it that's all uh any what i

would like to call is the bbc again that'd be kind of cool uh if we have that number still

new new could you send that to me you got a few minutes left oh i said i was going to call amanda

hang on uh tombstone reporting used to turn off tvs all the time in bars in canada there is uh

go one nine take note of the tv models panasonic whatever it may be save the code in the cell

phone as contacts and go in and do your thing and the thing is i think i um there are some

android phones that have fucking um they uh they've got the uh infrared on it i think my g1

might have it and there's an app if your phone comes with the infrared on it you can turn it

into a tv remote i might be able to do that i might might take that route i think i'm gonna

check it out um let's see if i can find that app i'm gonna write that down on my things to do in

the big board i'm gonna call amanda here because tombstone asked us to call this and i forgot

out about it completely aj glowworm checking in what's up glowworm man nice talking to you

new sending of the bbc number thank you hello hello hi big amanda no this isn't big girl amanda

no this is her mom uh where's big amanda at big fat amanda hello who's this i want to speak to

big fat amanda hell no you better not come back over here fool hey listen you max i'm telling you

bro you better not call back over here you're a greasy bitch you better not talk to me like that

Put my girlfriend on the phone.

Hell no.

I ain't giving you nothing.

Who are you, her cousin?

No, I'm her brother.

All right, so put your fat sister on the phone.

Oh, hey, bro.

Listen, the whole thing is that you're lucky.

I don't know where you live.

There's trouble for you, boy, if you don't put her on.

Where are your papers at, by the way?

You have papers?

Yeah, I just put her, man.

Hello?

Do you have papers?

Who is this?

I'm calling for Big Amanda.

Huh?

I'm calling for Big Amanda.

Uh, okay.

What do you want?

This is Big Amanda.

Is that who I'm talking to?

Yeah.

Do you supersize?

What?

Do you supersize?

What?

Do you supersize?

Ask him why you're asking.

Just because I need to, I'm writing it down for the insurance.

Do you supersize your food all the time or sometimes or never?

Would you say you supersize never, sometimes, all the time?

Hey, why don't you shut the hell up?

How about that?

I'm not intimidated by you, little boy, Mexican.

Well, where you at then? Let's meet up then. Let's meet up. Let's meet up somewhere.

Come on, man. This is Los Angeles, man.

Well, come on. Let's meet up. If you're so tough, let's meet up then.

Don't get nasty with me.

You got a call here and act like you're so hard over the phone, but let's meet up. Let's meet up somewhere. I'll bit your fucking teeth off.

How? How are we supposed to do that? You're feminine.

Come on. Let's meet up. Let's meet up.

You're effeminate, though. I mean, why would I be afraid of you?

Well, come on. Let's meet up. Let's see then.

Let's see how hard you really are

And you come over here

You want to meet up somewhere

And we'll see how hard you really are

It sounds like you're about to eat the phone

Can you put Big Amanda back on the phone?

Because I can't understand

No, hell no, no

Hell no

I don't speak Spanish

The whole thing is

If you're not going to meet up with me

You might as well just shut the hell up

And I'm just going to hang up

And never call back here again

Piece of shit

If you could be a fucking pussy

Piece of shit

It's got me talking back to myself at the end

Tombstone

Who was that?

That was fun

on let's call him back listen hello listen hello you're lucky you don't know where i live or that

i don't know where you live because you're threatening me and that's not nice and that

could get you in big trouble for you okay well i'll tell you this right now sir i mean i don't

know who you are uh-huh that's not okay okay honey okay baby listen but um i know the incest

police and if i were to know where you live that i would get them to lure you out with a taco and

some beans and get you out and they'd arrest you for having sex with big amanda you understand what

the problem is there when you do that what that does to the genetics and stuff and they don't

allow that in this country well just like your mom just like your mom no no no not my mom i don't

have yeah it's just like your mom how many fathers do you have you probably got like you probably got

like 10 10 10 dads and but i said at first though you didn't answer me remember when i asked you

you just now because you were like that's too bad you were like this is your mom remember

you sounded just like that like a like a vagina that's how you sound

your mom your mom that's you stupid right here right here officer he's right here on the phone

hold on keep talking hey officer how are you hello hello that was kind of fun who's amanda

to anyway what does amanda do they do they drive geek squeak what tell him they look like the s oh

you're talking about the the incest police they drive geek squad cars they got the white shirt

with the narrow black ties it's a mexican officer all right my people i hope you had a great time

tonight i should it is nine i can say nine seven officially nine um next show next week i'm gonna

try to get better i gotta get in like a i gotta get like a twitter account something just for

We're letting people know, hey, we're going on tomorrow night at midnight or tomorrow morning at 12, whatever.

Just a way to get the word out, you know, more properly and in time so people know when we're going to go on live.

And we're getting better with the podcast.

Don't worry.

Kokanee is editing away right now.

I am too.

And we're going to be sending up some new episodes coming up to the prank cast pretty soon.

More prank calls as well.

I'm just going to keep the one feed from now on.

So I'll keep it there.

All right.

So I'll keep it there nice and easy.

And, yeah, be sure to visit madhouselive.com, Tucker Mike's website, tuckermike.com.

That's Tuck.

He was on here earlier, if you remember that part.

He was on here being all funny.

Thank you, everyone, for sending in numbers, especially Lonesome Loser, Nunu.

Oh, hold up.

I'm supposed to call the BBC.

Fuck.

BBC switchboard.

Hey, sir.

How are you doing?

I'm fine, thank you.

How are you?

Thank you, sir.

I'm doing pretty good.

Listen, I'm having a problem with my neighbor's TV.

It's too loud.

Right, okay.

Okay.

He's watching BBC, and, well, they suggested to me that I give you a call about that.

That's ridiculous.

I'll put you through to audience service.

Well, can you, no, no, listen, sir.

Can you turn the TV down, please?

It's so loud that I can hear it in the background on your phone.

Hello?

Thank you.

No.

We're putting you through to the next available advisor.

All calls are recorded and monitored.

Hello, BBC audience services.

Listen, I don't know why I got put through to you.

My neighbor has BBC on so loud that I can hear it through the walls.

And I just call into the switchboard, and it's so loud that I can even hear it over there on the phone.

You understand?

Okay, yes.

I want you to turn the TV down right now.

Well, that's not something I can do, sir.

Well, of course you can.

You control the stream.

Turn it down so I don't have to hear it anymore.

Sir, it's not something you can do with your neighbor directly.

It's not something we can do.

Let me tell you something.

I'm from America, and if the TV's too loud, I can call NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox, PNN, CNN,

CNN, any of those channels, and they will turn down the TV like that.

Lickety-split.

But you come to these third-world countries like this one here

where you people don't even have control of your own airwaves

and these disgusting people here.

There's nothing I can do.

You can have to take up your neighbor directly.

Turn it down.

You have the source.

I want you to go to the back room and turn down the volume down to like 8,

something more appropriate.

Do it right now.

Then what good do you do here?

Where are you from?

You're not even from Britain.

You sound like somewhere else.

Where are you?

Are you different?

No, sir, I'm not.

Sir, there's nothing I can do from my end.

You don't think I'm going to do anything directly?

Okay.

I don't really give a toss.

I want you to turn it down now, now, now.

Well, sir, I said twice there's nothing I can do to help you, I'm afraid.

And as your neighbor, you don't have to speak to me directly about this, okay?

I'm going to sue you.

So I have to move on, I'm afraid.

Give me your name.

Thank you very much for your call.

I have to move on.

Stupid donkey.

Give me your name because I want to write you down on a lawsuit.

Stupid donkey.

Damn it.

All right, now we're done for real.

Well, thank you everybody for listening, as I said before.

That was the BBC

Good night everybody

Enjoy this shit

Enjoy yourself

Then we outta here

Sit

No, YOU’RE a Horse’s Asses Ass!

Calls (17, 1 h 5 min of 1 h 45 min)

Transcript

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