The Pope is Not Welcome in the UK

Excuse me, I'm Mr. Priest. I'm going to put the phone down, and if you don't stop this, I will call the police.

Who the fuck is this?

Fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

The motherfuckers!

An asshole.

Working. That is working again. Hi, everybody. I'm Carlo, a.k.a. Carlito.

I'm here to do a show, Madhouse Radio, for a Friday morning, midnight.

I consider it Thursday night still, and I think still the best night to do a Madhouse is Thursday night.

night tuck's here with me tuck are you there are you attentive attention no attention from tuck

as usual tuck failing taking over the milkman seat and failing oh yeah now i hear you now i hear you

asshole hey you missed the whole show we did just the three prank calls you missed it all whatever

that's tuck everybody no no no no you're gonna hear my audio in the team on the on the transvestite

and the transsexual what is that it isn't muted really test test test test test yeah look it's

It's not coming up.

Oh, shit.

Crisis, everybody.

Crisis.

I've got to fix that.

Listen to music while I fix it.

Oh, whatever.

So we're going to need some numbers to do.

Nunu mentioning that in the UK.

I like Coke and Dish Common.

I'll get to that in a second.

Mentioning the UK, the Pope.

Hitting up the UK World Tour, the Pope.

What's his name again?

It's not John Paul anymore.

Some other Pope.

Good for him.

A lot of controversy over there.

I didn't think there were a lot of Catholics in the UK anymore.

Didn't they all get beheaded or something by Queen Mary the Bloody?

Something like that.

Back of the day, 5 o'clock in the morning over there in the U.K.

Well, 5.30, technically.

MadHouseLive.com is our website.

We're also, of course, on the Cacti Radio Network.

CactiRadio.com.

Home of the Phone Loser Kids, PLA.

Don't forget, the phone show's on Tuesday nights, midnight Eastern.

No, no, no.

He's on the 9 p.m. Pacific.

Yeah, that is midnight Eastern.

Kogan, you mentioned it.

That was Brendan Kranz with that preacher last week in Florida.

That was up in Gainesville, man.

That guy's a fruit loop.

It's a little short.

Heard about the guy that shot his mom, shot himself, shot a doctor today.

He got all upset about his mom's diagnosis.

Apparently what happened is over at Johns Hopkins Hospital, which has been open forever.

God, since the 1800s, I think.

They're like one of the most venerable hospitals in North America.

They've got to be up there.

I think what occurred was they misdiagnosed the guy's mom who was in the hospital.

And because of, as a result of that, she ended up becoming paralyzed.

Paralyzed.

And in the middle of the doctor explaining it to him that, you know, yeah, I guess, you know, your mom is now paralyzed because of a mistake that I made.

He pulled out a gun and shot the doctor in the stomach.

Did a pretty bad job of it.

He should have killed him.

Hello?

He should have, you know, or maybe he should have, I don't know, maybe made him, you know, paralyzed him.

Duh.

Shot him in the spine.

But apparently he just hit him in the abdomen.

And he did it right in the fucking hospital, so he survived.

He went into his mom's room and shot his mom, shot himself.

He was all upset about it.

I guess he didn't want to see his mom paralyzed.

You hear about that, Tuck?

I feel like you just came back in the lobby, but you know what I'm talking about,

the guy that shot a doctor in Johns Hopkins?

Yeah, no, I know nothing about this.

Yeah, well, I don't want to repeat it again.

Well, I guess I will.

Johns Hopkins Hospital, an old lady in the hospital,

the doctor made a mistake and was explaining it to the son,

and the son got upset and pulled out a gun and shot him because she was paralyzed.

She was going to be paralyzed for the rest of her life because of the mistake the doctor did.

So he shot him, and then he went to the mom's room

and uh yeah shut the mom and shut himself so pretty wicked stuff man that boy has the problems

yeah i'm telling you you can't take it down the doctor they make mistakes they're human too

unless it was negligent like serious fucking negligence then i can understand it but time

will tell time will tell i don't know i think he just had problems i think they should just

sue the doctor no matter what i asked hey florida state of florida we sue like crazy state of florida

is like one of the most trigger happy uh lawsuit places for medical malpractice i'm not kidding

It's really hard for doctors to get malpractice insurance over here.

Sugar happy.

Get it.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah.

I get it now.

Da-da-da.

All right, cool.

Hey, thanks for coming.

That's weird.

I was so tired right before the show started.

I was like, I might just do a half hour, an hour.

I'm juiced up.

I've got the juice.

Well, it says I'm logging in.

It says welcome to the server.

Here we go.

All right, Tux, I'm going to go in the room now.

Okay.

All right.

Let's try that.

There's so many damn people.

Stay in here.

Let me see if it works.

Yeah.

All right.

There's so many frickin' rooms here

Jesus Christ

I know, that's one bad thing about it

I think Ted will give us a new server

We gotta talk to Ted, though

Well, no, Ted said we can go in here

He'll give us a new server?

Oh, wow, that'll be cool

Oops, sorry, Tuck

You can't hear me, but I'm still not

It's still not working

I don't know, I don't get it

I don't know if you gotta voice me or something

I'm trying to make a sub-channel here, see if it works

Nope, nothing, Tuck

Nope, nope, back to the lobby

Bobby, if you can hear me.

Bobby.

Yeah, see?

He heard me.

Psychically, he heard me.

He heard me.

All right, so I've got to go into the Lonesome Loser Logs.

Brendan is sending in some numbers.

Thank you, sir.

We've got some numbers here from Big Brendan.

Woodman's 24-Hour Food Market.

We called there recently.

Big Brendan's over there.

She's cool.

Hampton Inn and Sweets.

The codec is the lobbyist, so it's not that.

It's not the codec.

I think it's permissions in the room.

There's something about the way you set up the room, sir.

Is it, you said?

Yeah.

Do some funny calls to the people.

the people call the people cut kids cut kids what's the codec in here three yeah what is it

again what are we in 25.9 speaks 25.9 all right let me try it i'm trying to make a room here

real quick yeah must be your mac ha ha ha ha that's gonna see this works let me get tuck in

here so go into the madness room same password let me get out of it just tell him i guess all

right talk go into the madness room madness and it's the same password seems to let me want to

to talk in there did it disappear when i left it it might have disappeared once i left it though

no it's gone all right i'm gonna make a room called madness with the same password all right

i'm gonna do it now again and then you go in there okay all right let's do it we got it

this is the time it's our time shut up stupid that's awesome fucking asshole

i hate lobbies i hate some okay let me go ahead and pull up the lonesome loser logs

Logs, and actually let me load up M. Pope here in Liverpool, UK.

Give him a call.

Welcome to the UK.

Our holiness, the father of the Pope.

Okay, we're here.

Hey, dude, you hear me?

You hear me?

Damn it?

Yeah, I hear you, dude.

You got to say damn it at the end.

Damn.

Can't land it.

Can't mom, mom, mom.

Caller, three cents per minute.

I was right on the post.

You heard that?

Good timing.

Welcome to BT answer 1571.

Fuck, that didn't work.

We got other Popes, though.

Don't worry.

Plenty more where that came from.

What's the Pope's name?

Why do I...

I'm Catholic, and I can't remember the Pope's name.

What's his name?

A Weisberger or something like that, right?

Palpatine?

What's his name again?

Um...

Man, this is embarrassing.

Pope...

Benjamin...

Something with a B.

What's his name?

Like Weisberger or something like that, right?

No, no, no.

Benedict, yeah.

MSG3 Clay got it.

Thank you, MSG3 Clay.

Gold star.

All right.

I'm just saying.

We can look for people with last name Benedict also, you know?

Oh, you mean his actual pope name.

I was thinking his actual name.

Oh, yeah, it's like Cardinal Ratzinger.

Isn't it Ratzinger?

I think it's Ratzinger.

Ratzinger, Ratzinger.

All right, we got another pope here.

Oh, we got a Patel.

He must be a doctor.

There's so many Dr. Patels in the world.

At least in Orlando, there are a lot of Dr. Patels, for God's sake.

If your land name's Patel, before you get shot, you're going to be a doctor when you grow up.

I am Dr. Patel.

Dr. Patel.

Hi, I'm Dr. Patel.

$300.

Pause fucking music

KDK is a really effeminate burper

I mean, I hate to talk bad about the guy

But I love talking bad about him

Yeah

Hello?

Hey, you doing Pope?

This is Pope

Hello?

Yeah, do you realize it's 26 in the morning?

Yeah, yeah, I know, whatever you say

Listen, I just want to make a complaint

I appreciate priests that touch little boys

And you're not welcome in the UK

Excuse me?

This is Pope

I have nothing to do with the Roman Catholic Church

Oh, what are you?

I am not a priest.

You sound like one.

You sound effeminate like a priest.

Well, I'm not.

Well, I don't appreciate the call, and would you please put the phone down?

Excuse me, Your Holiness, are you attracted to men?

Tell me.

Excuse me, I'm not a priest.

I'm going to put the phone down, and if you don't stop this, I will call the police.

Well, I already ran a report about you touching boys and your priest touching boys,

so I think I have the upper hand here, don't I?

I'm now going to put the phone down.

I don't know where you got my phone number from, so goodbye.

I called the Embassy of Florida.

All right, see?

She's got a point.

I like how in the UK they tell you everything.

Like, I'm going to put the phone down now,

and if you call again, I'm going to call the police.

It's the politeness of the culture still ingrained in there

that Americans pretty much got rid of 50 years ago.

50?

I don't know about that.

We were pretty much assholes for...

Yeah, about 50 years ago.

Yeah.

Nah, was it 50?

No, it started after damn, man.

Vietnam is what ruined it, I think.

That's when the culture went all downhill.

That's when the counter...

And there's nothing wrong with the counterculture, but it's what...

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with the counterculture.

Yeah, I guess it started, but when Vietnam happened,

people lost a lot of respect for the country and, you know...

True.

That's what happened.

Yeah, and I don't think it's a bad...

I'm not saying that the counterculture is bad or anything like that

and the hippie movement and, you know, sexual revolution.

That's all good stuff, but at the same time, we could have had stuff like that.

Those rock and rollers coming with their hair backwards, wearing their leather jackets.

Yeah, tight jeans, you know.

Rock and roll music.

Women wearing jeans in public.

What's that about?

Showing off their shape of their legs.

That's what happened, women wearing jeans.

Yeah, stuff like that and sex on TV, you know,

and books that talked about how people have sex.

Books. Books ruin everything.

Families on TV sitcoms sleeping in the same bed instead of separate beds.

Well, when did that start happening?

That's when this country went to hell in a handbasket.

That's what happened.

Jeez.

We need some more God in here as well.

We need more Christian shows like Andy Griffith.

The Beatles killed America.

They did.

Speaking of which, I've been growing my hair long on purpose.

I don't know if you can see it really, but I usually got the shea Puerto Rican look,

and I haven't cut it yet.

three months now i'm starting to get the the shagginess in the back i've never my hair has

never been long ever ever like when i was like in elementary school i never did it i think in

elementary school used to grow a little long but it was always curly back then not like this and

then in middle school i used to always get flat tops and then in high school you know always get

the you know i was more into the ethnic uh you know more into the urban culture so i always used

to get the fade and stuff like that you know nice and short and all right and i stayed with

with it and this is the longest my hair has ever been i think since i don't know i don't know i

want to say forever probably and my mom asked me today when you're getting a haircut i was like

i've always had anywhere from a sag to straight out hippie long hair you know what gets me what

kills me about it is the fact that it's that the hair that touches your ears it drives me nuts are

you supposed to get a haircut do you or do you still get a haircut to trim that or you just let

it grow and get used to it how does that work because i got hair touches my ears and it creeps

I always have the hair go over my ears.

It doesn't go over.

It drives me crazy when it's not.

Yeah, but it's not long enough yet to go over, so it just kind of sticks over the ear right now.

You know what I mean?

So it just, it always touches the ear, and I don't like it.

Yeah.

And I'm starting to go bald.

I'm getting the male pattern baldness, so I'm starting, like, I got more hair in the side of my head.

The side of my head has more hair.

The hair, I can sort of, you know, I can pad where the glasses on my ear can sometimes pinch behind my ear.

Oh, you wear glasses.

You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah, I can imagine.

Well, when I wear my sunglasses, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's sort of like a buffer between the ear and the glasses handle.

okay okay i don't know because now it's starting to go inside like on my headphones it's starting

to go inside the headphone cup now when i do the show and it's weird you know i don't i'm not used

to that i'm used to short hair but i i'll get used to it i'm sure i'm sure it'll be fine i'll

get used to it i'm uh i'm revolting basically and that's why i'm wearing my hair it's my freak flag

isn't there a song about that who sung that song i think i might have that you know i mean almost

almost cut my fucking hair.

He's like,

almost cut my hair

the other day.

Oh,

what is that?

I think it's

Crosby,

Silver,

Nash.

I think it is.

And if it is,

then I definitely have it

because Milkman sent me

their discography.

I talked to Milkman,

by the way.

I did talk to him.

That's like something

Milkman would tell you.

Hermano,

you gotta play this song here.

I almost cut my hair.

You gotta hear it.

Oh,

cut my hair.

Well,

Milkman,

no joke,

he has hair

down the small of his back.

I'm not kidding you

He's got a long

He's got long hair

I think he's got

In a ponytail now

But yeah

He does have the long hair

There's a picture of him

On the website

And he made me take it down

Because he's like

I don't want people

To see me

I'm an enemy

Enemies

Andy put it up

And he got really mad

At Andy

It was up there recently

Last summer

And then Andy

Like put it up

He found it

Andy found it

On the wedding site

The wedding website

That we made

And Milkman

Put his picture on there

And then Andy found it

You know me

Yeah

Yeah, no, Andy, he got mad at Andy.

He's like mad.

Andy, email me.

Oh, yeah, he's probably not listening right now.

But I'll send you the picture.

Milkman promised me not to spread it.

Home podcast.

Yeah, you know, we'll do it.

Here's the song.

I found it.

All right.

Time to smoke some drugs and call the Pope again.

We got another Pope here from Brendan.

Liverpool, UK.

Almost.

My hair.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Another day.

Hey, Pope.

Hey, is this Pope?

Who's that?

Hey, this is Valente.

Is this Pope?

This is Pope.

Hey, Pope, listen, I don't mean to be rude and crass.

I know you're a man of the cloth, your holiness,

but you're not welcome in the U.K. with your Catholics, you know,

priests touching boys and all this stuff.

It's disgusting.

You're not welcome here.

My name is Pope, but I'm not a Roman Catholic.

Yeah, but you're the Pope.

I'm not the Pope.

You are a Pope.

No, well, you're associated with this Catholic Pope who's into boys,

touching the priests.

Who are you?

Huh?

Who are you, by any chance?

Who are you?

I'm a Lutheran minister in the United States.

Are you?

My name happens to be John Pope.

I'm a born-again Christian, and I have nothing to do with the Pope.

The name Pope is a surname.

Well, wait a minute now.

But you're obviously related to a Catholic Pope at some point.

I'm not related to any Catholics whatsoever.

But it's in your name.

Your ancestor was a Pope.

Of course he wasn't.

Don't be so silly.

Then how did you get the name Pope?

Because he wasn't, say.

It's true.

I'm going to take 10 seconds to hang up the phone

Prepare yourself for 10 seconds of hanging up the phone now

I do a bad British accent

Alright, that was the Pope

John Paul Pope

Lutheran ministers according to MSC

Have their own problems because they let lesbians and homosexuals in their church

That's, wow, man

You gotta be more accepting of that, you know

That's horrible

Yeah

That's not nice, that's not fair

okay well i'm saying mc3 plays against him you know burning the quran what's that all about

god you gotta be all against it the best part of the whole burning the quran thing was the fact

that it was two days after the guy said i'm not gonna do it anymore absolutely will not burn the

quran and they're still fighting and rioting in afghanistan like the news never got to them two

days later and you're pretty sure that you know the the al-qaeda al-qaeda media sources out there

were kind of slow in reporting the fact that,

oh, yeah, by the way, they're not doing it anymore.

Damage is done.

Yeah, they didn't happen to mention that part.

They were still rioting.

They still thought they were going to burn the Quran.

Clay said, I know, Clay.

I'm just kidding, man.

I know you were just stating the fact.

I'm just, you know, it's just radio in some form,

internet radio video,

and I like to embellish a little bit.

I'm going to get hurt.

I'm feeling it.

I'm butt hurt.

No, it's okay, MSU3.

Everybody, MSU3, Clay, loves gay people.

He loves them a lot.

All right.

Just so you all know, if you got that, he said that himself right now in the chat room.

I love gay people.

I have no problem with gays.

That's fine.

I love lesbians.

I'm speaking because I had the flu for Christmas.

All right.

How weird does it have to be to get a call from the United States at almost 6 in the morning where you live?

And the guy's claiming that you're the Pope.

Pretty gosh darn weird.

And the guy's claiming that you're the Pope, complaining he's a born-again Christian.

Yeah, it's pretty bizarre.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but, you know, now they're up.

Now they just make some pancakes.

It's a weird thing for someone to do.

Yeah, man.

Hey, Tuck, when you make pancakes, do you use oil, Pam, or butter?

Oil.

Really?

That's tricky.

I can't ever get that right.

I end up with oily pancakes, and I get so mad.

Anyway, calling another poop here.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

I'm going to call him poop.

How much oil are you using?

Probably a lot.

I'm really bad at frying and using oil.

Well, I was thinking, I might start using Pam, because that's a spray, and it's nice and even.

Welcome to BG Answer 1570.

fuck you and what's the deal you the minute you start seeing the bubbles in the middle is when

you flip it right is that how you're supposed to do it i have no idea how to make pan because my

mom used to always make it and she made the best ones and athena old athena over here never wants

to make it oh you just want to make sure you just get a thin uh coverage of the pan nothing

right because if you don't it won't cook through good point gotta go for some pancakes right now

You know, they got this place, they call it the House of Pancakes here in Orlando.

The place is fucking awesome.

They don't do just pancakes, they do a bunch of stuff.

Yeah, it's like an international place.

It's really cool.

Right, right, right.

We have iHop.

Oh, you've heard of it before?

Yeah, it's cool.

It's world famous.

International famous.

Yeah.

Baz mentioning Krusty's is the best.

That's what, international in the name.

Yeah.

Krusty's is the best pancake mix.

Yeah, dude, Krusty's, I've got a bread machine here.

And the Krusty's fucking bread mix.

Oh, it's the fucking best.

That is the best bread machine mix you can get.

And they got three different kinds.

They got an Italian one that has the herbs in it.

They got the French bread.

You know what?

I was looking at those posts the other day, the pictures on my phone when I took them.

And I'm like, man, I really need to eat a...

Dude, that was awesome.

The big-ass weekend sandwich.

You know, I might do that this weekend.

I might do it.

That was about two years ago now, man.

Wow, man.

Yeah, dude, I went all out.

I bought the top-of-the-line cold cuts.

uh made the homemade bread got the good mayo had uh chocolate milk uh yeah i think it's running

two and a half yeah dude that was a big sandwich remember milk was like man that sandwich is like

the size of your head yeah i was like yep that sounds good all right kokanee sharing a story here

from npr towards the source

zapping inmates to control them harmless or torture is the question

la authorities have unveiled a new high-tech device designed designed to control rowdy inmates

a mechanism that blasts millimeter beams that simulate intense heat really doing a heat raise

here huh wow so gonna put this robotic looking thing that'll shoot heat rays into the i guess

into the cell blocks wow that's something they've been doing this uh heat ray thing for a while now

they're using the military in iraq i understand they were using it for quite some time uh to

to control crowds,

you stand in front of the thing

and it feels like

your skin's going on fire.

I don't know, man.

They do the same thing

with,

they got these sound bombs

now they use in Israel

against the Palestinians

when they're demonstrating.

They,

it's like this

slow,

low burst

explosive device

but it makes a huge noise

that makes people sick

and throw up.

Really?

Yeah.

That's crazy.

That's fucking trippy stuff, man.

The corporations, man.

Alright.

That's psychedelic, man.

Man.

Yeah, man.

It's just like sound, man.

They're taking sound, man.

They're making it kill people now, man.

Yeah.

A guy with a spear and a sound coming at you, man.

Fucks you up, man.

Yeah.

Scratching my lip with my microphone.

I was eating pussy earlier.

Pussy.

Who are we calling?

I forgot.

Fuck.

I think we're calling a gas station.

It's not a pope I'm calling.

Brendan filling in pretty well for the sleeping Lonesome Loser.

It sucks.

Lonesome Loser's days off are exactly the days that I work.

Like, we have completely opposite schedules now.

It sucks so bad.

Yeah.

Well, I think he said Thursday night

I didn't see what he could do, but I forgot to tell him.

No one is available to take your call.

Please call again.

I want to leave a message.

That guy usually says leave a message, right?

It's the same dude.

There's like five answer machine voices out there.

I recognize them all.

Go and just send one.

Oh, oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He usually goes, please leave a message after the tone.

Thank you for your call.

That's the one that says thank you for your call at the end of it.

Tux, you did a show yesterday or Tuesday?

Tuesday, when was it you did a show?

You tried to do a show yesterday, right?

Yesterday afternoon?

i did a show yesterday afternoon actually so where are your pranks like

do you edit them at all or are you posting them or anything i want to hear this stuff i have not

not really editing most anything i've been so busy with everything else editing my shows has

been like a low priority uh thing but uh maybe this weekend i'll get around to doing them you

gotta prioritize your fucking uh portfolio man you gotta diversify your uh bonds man oh yeah

yeah i'm trying to get the revolution.com up and going i haven't registered and waiting on a guy

Mine's, like, did some pages up so I can, you know, upload stuff to the server.

So I just come in waiting and all that.

Right, right.

That's cool.

Yeah, I've registered print.

So most of you guys have been doing the shows just to fill up content.

I had the whole printcallnation.com.

I registered it.

I haven't done anything.

I think it just redirects to Madhouse.

I think it just redirects to Madhouse right now.

But I did make changes to the Madhouse site.

The chatroom site is, chatroom page is fixed up.

I don't know if you've seen the new format.

matt uh i would like some feedback is it too white as in the color um or does it take too long to

load it seems pretty good i started last night and i worked on it all day today while i was at

the uh my mom was getting her dialysis and i was at the coffee shop next door on the wi-fi so check

it out uh the front page is a little different now i got a nice countdown clock on there and

shit i should be able to control it all remotely i'm pretty excited about it i gotta set up uh

the podcast page now, and that's...

I think we're pretty much done for now.

I don't want to do anything else more intrusive to it.

Nunu mentioned that nothing is too white for Tuck.

Good point. Yeah, if you notice, automatically

the front... If you notice, automatically

the patron, I'll tell you if we are live.

It'll count down until we're live, then it says

Madhouse is live right now.

Madhouse is live right now. Yeah.

There you go. I mean, hell.

Oops. I yanked the cord.

There we go. My big fat arm.

Alright, so I wanted to play a little bit here.

We're going to do some more prank calls. Don't worry.

I'm going to go ahead and I need to grab some water

I'm thirsty

And I need to do a touch of the corn silk here

If you know what I mean, it's been all day

And I want to play some pranks here

That were mentioned in the forums

By Hollywood Vanya

You know the

Raid show where the show

Got shut down by the cops

When we called that anger management helpline

I remember it well

Alright

Good times

Yeah, yeah, good times

All right.

I don't think it affected you that much.

But, hey, we're going to play those right now.

About five minutes worth of pranks here.

Actually, it didn't at all.

Yeah, it didn't at all.

Yeah.

Well, sure affected me.

Back in about five minutes, I'm going to get some water, and we'll play this, and we'll have some more calls.

Thank you.

Crisis Line, may I help you?

How are you doing?

I'm good.

How can I help you?

I'm good.

Do you folks offer solutions, or do you just offer referrals?

We offer referrals, but we don't.

We can't really offer solutions for everything.

It sounds like there's children in the background.

background what kind of place is this sir can i help you are there children in the background

sir i'm in an office and i'm watching the tv so that that's really not the relevance can i help

you i don't think so are you one of those answering services where you answer from home and and you're

like taking my information and there's children around looking at the information i heard a baby

in the back of going yeah i crap is what does it to me that people like you have a nice have a nice

evening bring those stupid kids to my job in crisis time may help you you tell those motherfuckers

in the fucking background

to shut the fuck up

and take down my information.

Well, I'm the person.

I am.

Why don't you call me a motherfucker?

You motherfucker.

I'm terrible.

You do not call this line and talk like that.

As a matter of fact, don't call back again.

You piece of trash.

I've got your phone number.

I've got your number.

I've got two numbers that you just called from.

I'm going to report them to the police.

I'm blocking my number.

You don't have my number.

I'm blocking it, you stupid bitch.

I'm blocking it.

Yes, I do.

I've got two of them.

I have two of them.

You called from one the first time

and one from another.

You don't have shit.

No, you don't.

I'm blocking your number.

I'm going to call you back right now.

I'm going to have you fired.

Just want to confirm that this is a number that called, placed a call, a violent call to a hotline earlier,

and we will be looking at the phone number, and we will further investigate.

Thank you.

Oh, no, violent call.

She said she's confirming it's the number that left the violent call.

The hotline may help you.

Yes, ma'am.

My name is Summer, and I just got an emergency call from my office line.

Okay.

I'm sorry?

I guess somebody called from there and something about a violent call.

Yes, yes.

Who was the person that, I'm sorry, first of all, is this your business?

Yes, ma'am.

This is your business.

This is my business.

And who is the person that's on the voicemail of your business?

I have no idea who you're talking about, ma'am.

Okay, but I'm asking you, when I called the number and I left a message,

there's a male's voice that's answering.

Is that one of your coworkers or associates?

That is actually the company that we go through our voicemail for.

We pay them to do the voicemail.

The gentleman who answered and said, this is this name and this is, I mean,

that gentleman is just an answering service?

It's an answering service, yes, ma'am.

It's actually a voicemail answering service.

I don't know.

Okay.

I know.

Hold on a second.

I understand you can tell me that you don't understand.

hand it doesn't matter it's out of my hands now i've already reported the phone number if they

investigate and i was incorrect then so be it but it was my responsibility to report the phone number

that i received an extremely hostile call from the mail that actually is the same voice that

answered that that number and it was a hostile call it came from two different phone numbers

that was the first phone number that it came from and he was extremely hostile it was an emergency

i understand and let me just tell you where i'm coming from so that way you know what it is and

and then we'll hang up, and then we can get past it.

I just got woken up knowing nothing that's going on.

Please do not yell at me, okay?

First off, I need you to...

Oh, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just...

No, you're yelling at me, okay?

Okay, ma'am, I'm running a business myself here.

This is an emergency line.

So I just want to let you know that the number was reported.

If it was done incorrectly, I apologize,

but that is the phone number that I received a call from.

What kind of business do you run, ma'am?

I'm sorry, I said this is an emergency line, and that doesn't matter.

You and I can't spend a lot of time discussing back and forth.

All I can say is I received a hostile call, and I reported it, and that's all I did,

and that's my responsibility.

Now, I'm receiving a hostile call too, ma'am.

No, I didn't.

I just left a voicemail letting you guys know that I did that,

and I needed to let you know that I reported the phone number.

I don't know where the organization is.

I don't know what your business is.

I don't know any of that.

I just know that that's where I received the call from.

We run a strip club.

I was letting you know.

We run a strip club.

I'm sorry?

So we run a strip club, and there's not hardly any people in here that are hostile

until they get really, really drunk.

It was a male's voice.

It was the same male that answered your voicemail.

So if that's an answering service, it's just a little weird that you're answering service,

the person who, it literally was the same voice.

That's very strange.

And I received, yeah, it is.

But the most strangest part is that I received the hostile call from somebody from this phone number,

and he was extremely hostile.

I mean extremely.

Very verbally abusive.

He cursed.

He called me a lot of names.

This is an emergency helpline.

I'm sorry?

What exactly did he say?

Ma'am, I don't talk like that, so I'm not going to say what he said.

Just abbreviate.

I need to know so I can write this down so I can get in touch with us.

He called me a mother effer.

He called me a B-word.

Don't use that word on email.

How dare you?

I said abbreviate.

I did say mother effer.

Do not use those words with me, ma'am.

Okay, ma'am, I'm sorry, but I think you...

I did not use those words with you.

I think you're trying to...

Bye-bye now, ma'am.

I think you're...

I'm going to call and report you now.

Now I'm calling to report you.

I'm going to report you now that there's a seek-out calling.

Yes, because you were doing the same thing.

Bye-bye now.

Bye-bye.

You hear how Tuck was laughing in that prank call, everybody?

You heard him?

That was me, seriously.

Because you were doing the same thing.

I do some really stuff that makes me cringe when I listen to this prank called The Way I Laugh In It.

And a little later when I keep saying that's funny now.

I think I meant to say that's really funny and it slipped out as that's funny now.

I think I was like really drunk or probably something else when I was doing this with Hollywood.

And I don't know, it just makes me cringe.

She didn't figure out until the very end, that's funny now.

That's funny now, man, that is funny.

That's funny now.

Stupid.

I hate myself.

I'm so embarrassed by myself.

get up in the morning look look at myself naked and i get embarrassed you know that feeling tuck

don't you it's not that i mean from the chest up well you're fine with it because you know you're

a dude no one blames the pope thank you guys what's what's the big deal i don't know i'm

fucking hot i'm the most attractive guy out there if i were to fuck any guy it'd be me

that's not gay except so uh i want to talk to you did you did you take a look at the site now

Now, did you see on the chat section, I want to point out, so everybody who's out there who's not in this page now, I want you to know, the Request a Prank is back.

The form is back, and it's right there.

You don't got to go into a different page and stop listening and all this shit.

While you're sitting there chatting, look, I got the way I wanted to chat.

I got to come up with a better name for this place.

Yeah, if you take a look, yeah, I want to start this.

I think sometimes I think this should really be the page that we give out to everybody, manhouselife.com forward slash chat.

Because right here, you can watch the video feed, you know me, you can see me right now.

You can be chatting in the same page, you can be listening in the same page.

And then right there, yeah, I set up Request a Prank.

I don't know if you say forum, but I put the Request a Prank, so everybody...

Yeah, I see the forum, I have the Request a Prank forum.

Right.

But in the feed there on the, at the right, the far right, there it says forums.

F-O-R-A-N-K, it's one of those tabs.

Yeah, if you click it...

it it just shows you the latest uh the latest post in our forums and you can click on it you

just want to go to and make your own response it shows you a little snippet of what's going on in

the forums right there i'm trying to get more traffic into the forum so i thought i put that

and i got that widget it just it just changes through all the tabs at random every so every

so and so seconds it's talking about when you got arrested actually yeah well that's a member i said

that uh hollywood you know talked about in the forums and there you go that's me and i even

We've been posted it there, so if you want to listen to those, download them.

They're right there in the forums.

I got our video archives.

I record this show right now that we're doing.

It's being recorded on video.

There's a video feed that you can watch in the chat section or the front page.

I record the episodes, and I post them.

That's in that video window right there.

I was watching one.

It was just your window.

Oh, my window?

No, no, no.

It's me.

I'm on here with a T-shirt on and no pants, but you can't see it.

I was just saying one of them I watched once

Was just your window the whole time

Yeah, this one was really hot, man

And I was shirtless

It was so hot

I was shirtless with a fan on

And you had the AC cranking over there

Like you do now

But it was even worse

You had it on high

You had it on 10

I think

You got a window shaker there

Those things are loud

You fuck

Are you in a basement right now?

Or are you in an attic?

What's your deal?

You in the second floor?

I'm upstairs

On the second floor

You have your studio

Like the second or third floor

Oh, wow

Anyway, so what I'm trying to say, I keep getting off track.

I'm having a good time here tonight with you guys.

But I wanted to mention that if you ever wanted the fastest way to listen to this episode or if you missed a show that you didn't know was going to be on or you weren't available for the live show, that video, the Ustream on the front page, it's also in the chat room and in video.

You can actually subscribe to it as a podcast if you want, as an RSS feed.

um it posts uh the shows like immediately after we sign off you can click on there and listen to

the show all over again or watch it even if you want um it's always there available i you know

there's some episodes that are missing and it's literally because i forgot um i forgot to hit the

record button but tonight i didn't fuck her i got a sticky note in my fucking monitor it says

uh record you stream put it down on my action item list and i didn't forget it this time talk

proud of myself good for me anyway a lot of stuff in there an action item list yeah so anyway everyone

head over to to our site uh madhouse live.com forward slash chat or just click on the chat link

uh the chat button on at madhouse live.com it'll take you right there and from there like i said

you can watch our video feed listen to us chat with us uh catch up on everything the pot the

prank calls are in there like right you can play them right there right out of there um you can

You can send your request a prank right using the form right there.

It comes right here anytime.

And you got links to talk to your websites.

Got a link in there.

We got the phone show with a link.

I forgot to add the PLA.

I didn't get a chance to do that before the show started tonight.

I got space there for the Phone Losers site.

Definitely going to put that out there.

Does Sean Ward have any prank calls that are posted anymore?

I didn't see the logo that I made.

Yeah, you made a new one.

This is all I could find, though.

Yeah, I know you sent me one.

And I couldn't find it.

I saw the one there, and I grabbed it, and I cropped it.

I was like, oh, this will be easy to crop real quick.

It's a placeholder.

Yeah, this is the beta version of – this is Madhouse.

This is MadhouseLive.com version 5 beta right now basically is what you're looking at.

It isn't finished yet because I still got to go in there and fix the podcast.

I got to make it so you can – if you click on podcast, it's just some text right now.

We're only going to have one podcast feed for the show.

That's going to be the – I think we should name it the prank cast.

I think that's what you're looking at.

It isn't finished yet.

I still got to go in there and fix the pop-up.

It plays automatically.

I also got to add, I'm finishing up a pop-out player on all the pages.

So while you're listening to the show, you can just click on the link,

and just a small little pop-up window comes up with our player in there.

And I was thinking I could even do it with a video feed instead.

I don't know.

Maybe not.

Probably not.

Trying to focus on promoting the Shellcast station more.

We're trying to get people to listen to the live show more.

We've got a lot of podcast listeners, but not a lot of live listeners like we used to.

Yeah, YouTube is just an extra.

Yeah.

Basically, that's what it's become.

But then again, I'm not fucking updating the podcast.

I'm busy.

And I wanted to mention, Sean Ward got back to me, Tuck, and he sent me a bunch of prank calls.

I put those up on the rotation.

They're up there already.

ready um uh dr lego um uploaded a bunch dr lego uploaded a bunch of stuff it was prank cds when

i was holding for you when you were uh when the stream was down it was hold it yeah and i grabbed

whatever prank calls i had right and one of them things i played was this prank uh call cd that i

got from him years ago really that's cool like uh it was a treat to listen to him after all this

this time right you know i don't remember i don't know if anybody out there knows i know we got a

lot of prank call fans that listen to this i mean obviously if you listen to a prank call podcast or

a live prank call show you're probably into the prank call scene a little bit uh i don't know if

anybody remembers in the 90s i want to say it was probably 90 and 94 maybe 95 um i bought at uh

uh fucking sam at no it's uh sam goodie in the mall i bought a prank call tape an album and it

was a it was just a picture of an old you know black guy like an old tennessee looking black guy

you know and i think it was just a guy doing the voice but he did a really good spot on like old

you know old school southern black guy kind of voice and it was doing these awesome prank calls

and he was calling a phone sex line and all this stuff and i don't remember for the life of me

the name of that um is one time um i let someone borrow it and they didn't give it back maybe yeah

lucius tate no it wasn't lucius tate no i know lucius tate it was not lucius i've listened to

all lucius tate stuff and this it's a totally different voice totally different thing going on

it was just like oh it might have just been a local thing i think it might have been just like

some guy in florida did it and he was just selling it maybe like local you know what i mean maybe it

was out of orlando i don't know i don't know if anybody is the same you lost the thing yeah it

It would, you know, look like, I don't know, have you ever been to those places where you can get a picture with yourself or your friends and they make it look like an old, you know, Old West saloon from the 1800s, you know?

You know, they put you in the period costume and the set's like, you know, a bar or something and you got a shotgun in your hand.

You look like, you know, from Back to the Future when they went back to the 1800s.

Shop surroundings that would sell cassette tapes kind of like that.

And one of the novelty things kids would grab were these very, very racist little comedy tapes.

Racist comedy tapes?

Really?

White man humor.

Wow.

Yeah, dude.

If you know what I mean.

Yeah.

I kid you not.

One time, my dad and I were driving out to rent.

Johnny Rambo

sort of stuff

okay

my dad and I

were going out

to rent a U-Haul trailer

I don't know what for

we were

we were moving something

and we had to go out

to a different part of town

this is back like

it was still like

the early 90s

so

we had to do a drive

to get to the U-Haul trailer

we got

yeah this is like

the early 90s

yeah so we had to

stop to get gas

on the way there

I remember

and it was out

towards that way

we were talking

the outskirts of

you know Orlando

Central Florida

heading into like

like, fucking, like, the Gainesville area, as a matter of fact, up kind of up there,

not that far, but you start heading into those kind of people that want to burn the Quran

because it's of the devil, you know, so we stop at a gas station, and I'm in there, and

my dad said, here, just go, give me, like, you know, some money, he said, here, go put

10 bucks in the car, tell them to put 10 bucks away here, gas it up, we're trying to

hurry, before they fucking close, or something, we had to rush for some reason, I don't know,

I think we had to get it back soon, but he said, go in, you know, get me a Pepsi, and

Because we used to always drink Pepsi, I remember.

We were a Pepsi family.

So go get two Pepsis and get $10 on here, blah, blah, blah.

So I go in, and at the front counter, there were these two kids.

And I think they were my age.

I would say 13, 14 at the time.

And I think between them, they probably had like, honestly, between them, they probably had about 20 teeth.

And they literally, I'm sitting there lying behind them, and there's a candy counter in the back of it.

And it's got some really weird shit.

and i remember they they also had like the gifts and gags like fart powder and you know fake shit

rubber vomit they had all that stuff but the kid asked for nigger lips i'm like what the fuck is

like and the guy's like how many nigger lips you want and it's like two you know for him and the

kid and there's this big you know those big red gummy uh lips that you put on that are kind of

sweet they're just big pair of lips that you're you know like like a pacifier they called them

that i was like and like the guy is like that's what we call him out here motherfucker yeah and

yeah and i was sitting there in my i was probably wearing a probably chicago bulls t-shirt if i can

imagine the food the shit i used to wear back then i had my sony walkman and probably listening to

you know gangster rap or tupac or something or the local urban station i probably had something

chicago bulls related orlando magic related on probably a pair of you know basketball shorts

sports probably have my charles barclays on on my feet my shoes and they like looked right at me

when they said it and they started looking at each other and laughing about it and i was like you

know like you know yeah this guy this spick over here you know you know mr homie yo-yo yeah dude

that's something though that's there's parts of the world and i'm pretty sure it's still like that

but yeah literally like this is an area where it was accepted for the kids to go to the counter

and asked for n-word lips and they got those big things i couldn't believe it uh they used to sell

candy cigarettes there too after like all the you know you can never find it anymore it was really

hard to find they definitely had they had candy cigarettes in every single flavor like every

single kind you could think i remember yeah they were the size i remember because you used to be

able to find them in like little mini packs like they used to make in the 60s that had five

cigarettes in them like a quarter of a size of a cigarette pack now yeah they used to make those

but they had the real fucking i remember they had paul maul l and m fucking uh all those you know

cool yeah they they had the actual they were fucking candy and they had the actual real deal

like uh you know advertisements on them i remember used to be able to find them sometimes used to be

like in the fucking the dollar store and stuff they used to have them there a lot i remember

the super discount grocery store used to carry them but uh yeah they were kind of thing they

They were like a chalk.

They were like a sweet chalk.

It was really weird.

They were like thin paper.

Like a chewy chalk.

They were like a paper straw about that thick.

And they were like a chewy kind of, yeah, like a, they left like a film on your mouth.

And they just taste like pure sugar.

That was it.

Sugar.

Yeah.

It was like you're eating sugar and it had some filler in there.

They had a little fuck.

Yeah.

I don't know if anybody remembers that stuff.

But around the 90s, it was obvious.

Like, okay, at this point, we know it's obvious.

your fucking uh cigarette companies are making candy for kids that has everything they're walking

around oh i'm cool you know but anyway instead of just those mini ones and all that yeah yeah

but instead of just those mini packs that they didn't sell anymore so the kids it doesn't look

like real cigarettes really i mean they look like cigarettes but they had the actual they were actual

size of cigarette packs and they were just full of those um candy cigarettes they were called candy

cigarettes i don't think you can buy you can't find those anywhere i can imagine you can because

Because you can't have, like, a cigarette commercial on TV at all.

Oh, I'm sure you can.

Yeah.

No.

Not in the States.

No way that you can.

I remember for a fact.

I bet.

I bet you can.

No, no way.

It was always the shitty brands.

Like, Palmol.

You're probably not supposed to, but I bet you can.

All right, fucker.

It's on.

I'm looking for it right now.

Get the fucking Google machine out.

Hang on.

Damn it.

Stop the show.

All right.

Candy cigarettes.

There's no way.

Maybe in Mexico you can get them.

all right wikipedia i got it i got it be quiet candy cigarettes is a candy introduced in the

early 19th century made out of chalky sugar you see bubble bubble gum or chocolate oh dude i never

oh i'd go for a chocolate candy cigarette right now i don't know they had those that sucks

never had those on here bubble gum i know i'm sure really no i always had the chalky one dude

Dude, if I had some of those right now, and the picture on Wikipedia is the size that I'm talking about.

It's an actual size of the pack.

But I swear to God, it said Paul Mall.

I remember for a fact because I saw it and I was like, I've never heard of Paul Mall.

What's that?

Remember, I saw it behind the counters and stuff.

The ice cream man in my neighborhood where I grew up used to sell them too.

But not in that size in the smaller ones that I'm talking.

They only hold five of them.

Let me see.

Because, what is it?

The place on the market long controversial.

many critics believe they desensitize children leading them to become smokers later in life i

bet you that is fucking true because of this the selling of candy cigarettes is banned in finland

norway ireland turkey and saudi arabia they love smoking in saudi arabia that's really weird i know

everybody i heard cigarettes is like fucking they fucking puffing those are crazy out there in uh

in saudi arabia a lot like britain i think they smoke a lot in britain i think that's one of

of those places where they smoke a lot puerto rico that everyone smokes too it's crazy a white man

putting that that poison in you and the u.s a ban was considered in 1970 and again in 91 but

now passed into federal law i think it's a state law yeah you can still get but i i can't imagine

a place that sells them do you okay the state of north dakota enacted a ban on them 90 from 53 to

67 in canada federal law prohibits uh branding anything that resembles real cigarette branding

the territory of nanavut has banned all products that resemble cigarettes and it goes on and on

i i don't know i remember for a fact paul maul was one i because that's exactly how i i'm telling

you that's dirty isn't that dirty that's dirty pool man they never had marlboro or fucking the

big guys like newport was never on there but this is this had to have been like 94 95 it's pretty

late in the game i mean i'm pretty sure that's at the time or after the lawsuits started you know

And I think Florida was one of those states

It's probably why they disappeared

Baz got it

Dude, oldtimecandy.com

Candy cigarettes from there

Yeah, you see, but they don't have the palm oil

I know they had a palm oil one

You can't get it, but that's online, dude

Ooh, hey, that's not bad

Look at that, box of 24 packs, $5.99

That's not bad

I might get those, I might give them out

Christmas time

Here you go, candy cigarettes

Enjoy more than legal

Yeah, look at this.

Hey, wait a minute.

If you look a little further down, look.

They show them.

As a matter of fact, look.

See, there's a Salem, a Winston one.

Are those really?

Yeah.

If you look, I think, yeah, they are showing them.

Yeah.

Winston, yeah.

Paul Maul.

See, I told you.

I wasn't crazy.

These are the ones that they had.

Yeah, I told you, guys.

I'm not fucking around.

I'm not crazy.

That's awesome.

I think I'm going to...

But I'm diabetic.

You know what?

Does that...

You know?

It has just a...

Wait a minute.

Those are example packs from the 50s, though.

Yeah, I know.

You can't get them now.

I don't think that you can order them.

Yeah, but I'm saying I might get some of the other ones, the fake-looking ones,

because just to have them, you know, that's pretty cool.

And if my sugar ever gets low and I'm a diabetic, you know,

that would be a cool thing to kind of be able to chomp on.

Right, something to suck on.

Because I can regulate it.

You can bite off little pieces, you know, just to get a little bit of sugar.

Hey, man, that's a good idea.

Tuck right that down the big board, man.

Thanks.

I've been to Pranix.

I've been bullshitting.

I've been really chatty for a while, haven't I?

Having a good time here.

I said I was going to do an hour worth of show.

I started at 12, we're at 123, and I'm rolling still.

Let's call back that AG Pope, the last one we talked to.

He seemed pretty nice.

Then we're going to call Valero Gas Station and ask about candy cigarettes, maybe?

I don't know, do something funny like that.

Uh-huh.

Good idea right there.

Uh-huh.

If there's enough interest, let me know.

We'll open up the conference line, and people can call in.

We'll all do pranks together.

Moderated by Carlito and Tuck.

This number is not available for call return.

In a second, please.

Ugh.

How is it not available for call return?

Oh, that's why.

Why?

What's wrong with that?

Forgot the call.

Ah, the country code.

There we go.

Whoops.

It usually does it automatically.

I don't know.

It's got parentheses in there.

The cost of this call is two cents per minute.

Two.

Aha.

Talked really goofy to this guy.

Hope you're all having a blessed night.

This is Madhouse Radio talking about candy cigarettes.

Doing calls here and there.

Ah, he ain't picking up anymore.

Bollocks.

All right.

Let's get that Valero gas station ready here.

Oh,

yeah.

I was mentioning it before.

I'm sorry, guys.

something else here i got a hand on the side real quick i saw something that might be a problem here

make me the show crash i'm working on it but in the meantime i want to mention uh tuck i didn't

get to mention before um added sean ward prank calls also added uh dr lego uploaded a bunch of

pranks uh from his collection he's got a lot more he said he can send in later he sent in a bunch of

them and i put those on and uh let's see uh rbcp and i are um are both grooming the uh pla stuff

stuff so we'll get the rest of the phone shows in there and get rid of some stuff that's not too

good uh jen stewart stuff is in there right uh nunu he um sent in a i found he sent into me

a few months ago um all of his calls well he told me to grab all his calls from the kdk prank site

um and add them to the rotation so i found them i found the folder i lost it for a while i found

it added that to the rotation that's all soundboard calls that's good yeah so uh time

So when you get some of your pranks and your shows edited, let me know.

Well, you got some.

I guess I can grab them from your podcast.

Well, I have old stuff that I can send you.

I just have to put them in a folder and send it to you.

All right.

I'll get you an FTP password to send it to, and I'll grab it tonight.

It'll go straight to the server here.

We got a Madhouse server now.

We're right in the studio now, man.

It's great.

All right.

Let's get back to this, folks.

This shit is not cooperating.

Ah, success.

Got a lot to edit out tonight.

from the beginning of the show

and the middle of the show now.

Put that on the big board, Mike.

Tucker Mike.

Do what?

What's the problem?

Write down the big board.

Write down that we gotta

we gotta edit stuff

out of the middle now.

The big board.

Okay.

I'm telling you,

I'm planning on a big board

that we're gonna have.

And it's gonna be very important

to be on the big board.

If you have access

to the big board,

you're special.

Hampton Inns and Sweets.

Let's do it.

You're just sending in

one of those atheist people again

in the BBC.

Listen,

listen there.

What was your name again?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to be rude to you.

One at a...

Hey, big one at a...

Listen, you have that indoor pool there, right?

No, it's outside.

Okay, good.

Then I got the right place.

Is it a problem if someone used the pool and there weren't any guests there?

Is it a problem if someone uses the pool and there's not any guests there?

Will they be with the guests?

No.

Let's say this person was just around and there was no one in it and they had gone in it for a while.

And something happened because of that.

But I'm saying...

I understand your question.

Are you asking if you can take someone with you to the pool?

No, I'm not here at the hotel, all right, where you are.

Let's just say I got a friend who was there.

He wasn't staying there, but he was in the parking lot,

and he went into the pool for a while with two of his kids and his father-in-law.

Okay, but is that a problem that he did that?

Because I wanted to report it.

I've only been here a couple of weeks, and I've never actually been approached with this question.

What could happen?

Like, would you call police or something?

The worst that would happen is we would ask them to leave.

If they didn't leave, we'd ask the security to have them leave.

And if they still didn't leave, then we'd call the police.

All right.

Okay, so none of that happens, okay?

But, like, I know there's a liability for the pool, like if stuff happens in the pool, right?

Yeah.

All right.

So, I mean, if something happened because of the problem that your pool has,

that you people have with your pool, then we understand that, you know,

we could still, you know, make a claim.

Oh, not if they weren't staying here, then no.

No, but I still think because the pool, it was access to the pool,

and it's outside, right?

It's not inside.

Yeah, but it's for the guests.

It doesn't, I mean, if the doors, the access is open,

then you're able to get into it, so it's part of the outside still

because it's not indoors.

The pool is for the guests at this hotel.

But, I mean, you can understand how if you don't lock it right or something like that,

and if someone is able to get through, then you're liable.

Well, that would be them sneaking into the pool, which is not okay.

But the door's open.

Okay, but the pool is for the guests.

If you need to talk to the manager, you can talk to her in the morning.

But our pool is for the guests only.

You see, the problem with the pool is that my daughter got a yeast infection because of this,

because of your pool.

It's because you have a dirty pool.

We get regular inspections on the pool.

Yeah.

So I doubt if it was because of the pool.

But there's papers.

You mean you have those papers?

Can I see those papers?

You can come to...

We actually just had an inspection like two weeks ago.

I remember the inspector being here.

Well, I expect...

But that was two weeks ago.

I mean, this is now, two weeks later.

Okay, well, you can talk to the manager.

But it's your fault.

It's your fault.

Your dirty pool gets people sick.

Okay, well, I haven't heard about this.

So you can speak with the manager tomorrow morning because I don't have the answers for you.

So this is just you here working two weeks and you're just there taking the phone calls now?

Excuse me?

Like you just take the phone calls, you're there two weeks, and you take the phone calls, right?

No one has ever complained about getting a yeast infection from the pool, sir.

So I don't know.

I don't have the right answers for you.

Well, men don't get yeast infections.

I understand that.

But I'm saying in general, no one has ever complained about this.

So you will have to speak with the manager tomorrow because obviously I'm not giving you the right answers.

But obviously, I mean, you agree dirty pill makes people sick, right?

A dirty pill makes people sick.

I hear you say.

You say you agree.

There we go.

That's liability right there.

I did not say anything like that.

How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

I'm going to speak with my manager tomorrow.

Thank you.

Who's in charge right now, though?

No.

All right, cool.

You heard of folks here?

She complained.

Well, she complained.

She admitted that they're liable.

Dirty people make dirty pool.

Dirty pool makes people sick.

The microwave weapon.

Okay, now I want that microwave weapon.

The heat fucking...

It's like a big dish.

It's pretty impractical.

It was the things that you got to fucking...

You got to put it on a hitch

in the back of a fucking Jeep or a Humvee

get it i think or they mounted on top of a humvee or something it's not practical like it's not like

a handheld kind of thing that i could go and be like pointing at somebody's like that's how to be

i had to add that i am here in part just in case you didn't realize that i gotta open the door

real quick i'll be right back baz very uh interesting uh talking about one uh one sport

that most men don't care about the wnba uh seattle storm in the wnba they swept the finals who'd

they beat um the wmba can go to hell can go to hell because the nba um got rid of my favorite

team which was the uh the orlando team the orlando where i forgot what they're called miracle or

something i don't know i want to be uh lando magic you know i think all the teams like have a name

that's supposed to be similar to the pro team in town well that's pretty funny though that's seattle

seattle doesn't even have an nba team anymore correct me if i'm wrong tuck where are you man

Are you there?

I'll send you the access, but don't do that until after the show.

Because it'll mess up with the bandwidth.

Because I noticed when Lego was doing his upload, it was making the server jump quite a bit.

The shoutcast stream was cutting in and out.

Because he was using a few threads there.

He got two threads on that port.

You know what I mean?

We're going to confirm in the Sonics of the Oklahoma Thunder.

I knew there was something about it.

all right so the atlanta team they beat is the dream and i'm guessing that's uh well one of

atlanta's most uh favorite uh most prominent um residents was he really a resident of atlanta i

thought he was he wasn't from barangas he was from atlanta yeah dr martin luther king martin luther

the king calling denny's bollocks and of course i had to hit the wrong fucking button here and

start the music from scratch we're about here okay i'm gonna play real quick here for you folks uh

Like I said, I've got to go close the door.

This is a Denny's-related prank call here from earlier this year.

From the big day where they got the free Grand Slam.

Jack Masterson.

Maybe I'll do a Jack Masterson call tonight here.

I haven't heard one of those for a while.

This one, no free Grand Slam for Jack, everybody.

This is a fun prank call.

I'm going to take a break here and get taken care of or something.

I'll be right back.

Hello?

It's Russ.

Huh?

I want to make an order please.

A what?

I want to make an order please.

A to-go order?

No, yeah, it's a pick-out order.

Take-out.

Okay, hang on just a second.

No, pick-out order.

A take-out order, yeah.

Pick-up.

A pick-up?

Uh-huh.

I don't pick it up.

Okay, hang on.

I'll be right with you.

Okay, what would you like to have?

Um, listen, um, I was, uh, the special, I wanted, uh, three of the specials, please,

for orange juice.

Okay, uh.

Pay for the orange juice.

That's okay.

What?

Pay for the orange juice, and then I wanted three of the orange juice, and then I wanted

the free special. Oh, they're not free now. It ended at 2 o'clock this afternoon. Yeah,

well, it said it was from 6 to 2. Yeah, 6 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon. It says

here 6 p.m. On my paper, I wrote it down because Oprah was talking about it, and she said 6

p.m. 6 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon. It's all over with now. Now, listen. On my

paper, Oprah said it was from 6. Hang on, I'm going to let you talk. 30. She's refusing

Excuse me to take my order. I want a carafo juice and three specials.

Between 6 and 2, Oprah said it on the TV yesterday.

From 6 to 2, it was going to be free, and everyone was clapping.

No.

No, no, no. That's not what she said.

She said from 6.

It's absolutely true.

Listen, I slept in and made sure I got up early at 6.

Come in now. I took a shower and everything. The nurse left.

But now when I get trying I read the translation to take is I'm in a wheelchair

They have to come special from the county to come take me because I'm on disability

P.m.. This afternoon. It's already. Oh, it's 7 p.m.

Ended at p.m. Listen. I don't know if you know what is mandatory that you're supposed to have the sale today

Cuz that's what Oprah said today. Okay, it have ended at p.m.

It's already. It's 2 p.m. Is how long from now?

2 p.m.

Just 19 hours from now.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

P.M. this morning.

Please, sir, just take my order.

I want a carafo juice to go with three specials.

I think what I'm saying.

P.M.

It's not.

This isn't fair.

Will you speak to the manager, please?

You are.

No, is there a man I can speak to?

Speaking to the manager in charge.

It's not fair because you're going to make me call.

What is the manager, the store manager, big manager?

He will be here tomorrow morning.

That's not fair, because then it's after 2, and I can't get the specials anymore.

No, it's not. It's 7.39, my line clock, and it's tied to you.

Okay, do you understand that it is 9 p.m.?

Exactly, and it's over at...

Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not. It's 8 a.m. morning, and it's 2 p.m. afternoon.

This isn't fair. I slept in, because I was going to come...

I'm sorry.

This isn't fair.

All day, I took a shower and everything, and my transportation is going to be here in about five minutes.

Okay.

Well, I'm sorry.

I can't cancel on that.

But the special ended in the afternoon, so there's nothing I can do about that.

I was going to order a cup of orange juice.

I wasn't going to pay for that, because I didn't want you people to say that I was there for charity.

I don't accept charity.

It's not.

I'm not looking for your charity, sir.

I don't.

It's not charity, sir.

And the fact happened at EDTM.

Just listen.

I'm looking at this here.

What was it? What was the special?

You put me down for one special?

I cannot. It ended.

I mean, I can put you down for one, but you'll have to...

How much is it?

$5.99.

How much is the carafe orange juice?

See, juice with the carafe to go.

No, wait a minute.

Why can't you sell me the carafe?

Take it with me?

What's happening?

No.

Orange juices are in it.

No.

How much is the carafe if I drink it there?

$5.99.

I'll buy the carafe juice, and you give me the...

Instead, give me the Grand Slam for free.

No.

I'll buy, I'll pay for the Carafo Juice, what you give me the Grand Slam.

No. No. Special ended at 10 PM this afternoon. Be no free Grand Slam.

I said I was gonna take, I was gonna buy the Carafo Juice, but you said that I can't take it with me. Why?

I guess I could put...

Well, I'll tell you what. You sell me the Carafo Juice, but instead of that, you give me the Grand Slam for free, and no juice.

Why? Why even the issue of that then? Come in and buy yourself...

No, I don't need your charity, okay?

I'm going to pay.

There is no charity.

You're going to have to pay for whatever you receive here tonight, okay?

Now, I'm sorry, but I have work to do.

Listen, how many, the crowd.

That was an awesome guy right there.

That was fun to prank him.

Are you the manager I was talking to earlier tonight?

Yes, sir.

Listen, I'm telling you, I just want to order the carafal juice.

Just put me down for the carafal juice.

You don't have to give me the orange juice.

Just give me the Grand Slam.

I just want it, the Grand Slam, for free.

I only want you to charge me for the carafal juice.

I don't want it because you said that it's not allowed.

Right? Isn't that right? You said that you're not allowed to take it?

Yeah, you're not allowed to take it.

Why cannot give you the Grand Slam?

The juice does not cost as much as the Grand Slam.

What's the difference?

What do you mean, what's the difference?

Look, I think there was a misunderstanding here on the part of your company, and you should, you're under authority here, you can make a decision here, to just, what is the price difference, what is the price, what, a couple of cents, 40 cents, whatever.

Slam, and pay for that, they're more than happy to put it in a to-go box for you, and.

Well, listen, I want you to know, I was doing some research, and I found out that I get a free grass slam if it's my birthday, is that right?

Yeah, because you just called here and it's your birthday.

If you have a patient.

No, I need.

And this is a legal document here.

It's not a ride.

No, I need to see with you.

I have a social security card.

That will not work.

Oh, listen, it's a valid ID.

It's United States.

No, it's not a valid picture identification.

It has my name.

It has your name.

I need a.

Listen, I give.

I've listened to about.

You're not listening to me.

I have a solution.

please okay I give you my social you see the name it says Jack Masterson then I give you my ID and

you look at the picture on the ID and you see it's Jack Masterson and then you use the social

security number to authorize them well I don't need to have a don't need anything but that

really really don't need your charity sir I'm gonna give you my social security number okay

look you know be very nice about enough of this you know you made a mistake you made a mistake

You haven't made a mistake.

You absolutely did.

How?

Because you wrote down here that it was from 6 to 2.

And I'm calling you.

That's excellent.

And you're refusing me.

It's 8.40 still.

And you're refusing me service.

Apparently, you are confusing AM with PM.

No.

Okay?

No.

You're confusing numbers.

You don't even know your numbers.

Comber.

Donkey.

Starting to hurt my mouth a little bit.

That guy sounds exactly what I imagined.

Well, I don't know.

know kokanee sounds like that guy that guy has a kokanee-esque voice voice all right britain says

give woodman's a carl yeah i i want to ask do you guys remember what i did didn't i do something

really big and fucking crazy the last time i called woodman's last two last week something

crazy out there happened what was it i remember arguing with a kid and then the manager was like

on his way in five minutes he told me to call back in five minutes i kept it on the line for

the whole five minutes until the manager got to the store i remember that much but i really want

to call it denny's now i got an idea i was eating a salad tuck salad man look at you

brenda reminding yeah big brenda said racist stuff that's what this this

motherfucking nigga here or something like that and i got upset about it new one's bbc and pepsi

hawaii pepsi hawaii all right let's see if they're open to dewdrop i think it's too late in hawaii

I could try.

The new Long Dong.

Long Dong.

That's true.

Hello, Deutron, how can I help you?

Hey, how are you doing there, big girl?

Hello.

Listen, I noticed that your logo you have outside the building, right?

Your sign outside the building, there's a problem with it.

Okay, hold on.

Okay.

Yes, can you say it again?

Yeah, your sign has a problem.

I'm supposed to talk to the guy over there about changing it.

You call, this is Chinese restaurant, Deutron.

Yeah, Deutron Inn, Chinese restaurant.

Yeah, I was talking to a gentleman over there about fixing the sign outside.

This is Garson DeBromolo with DeBromolo Construction and Deconstructions.

Hold on a minute.

Okay, I'll call another guy.

Oh, okay.

All right, thank you, honey.

Yeah, hey, sir.

Yeah, this is Garson DeBromolo.

I'm calling you from the Pepsi Bottling Corporation in Oahu.

Yes, may I help you?

Yeah, we got a complaint about your sign outside.

Say again, you say?

Yeah, we got a complaint about the sign outside.

Sign outside?

Yeah, this is the Dew Drop, right?

right do drop in restaurant honolulu honolulu okay yeah i'm calling from the pepsi factory in

oahu and i'm supposed to yeah we need to ask you to turn the sign off and take it down pepsi sign

yeah your sign outside looks uh it's very similar to the pepsi logo and my name is garson abramalon

with pepsi we want you to take the sign down you have 24 hours you understand no no no we we sign

No, but you have a sign outside that says for your restaurant,

and it looks too much like the Pepsi sign.

So you have 24 hours to take it down,

or we're going to come take it down ourselves and sue you for money that you don't have.

No, Pepsi sign.

Your sign outside in front.

outside in Pepsi sign?

It looks like Pepsi sign.

No, this is for open sign.

But it's very similar to the Pepsi sign, so you're in violation of trade agreements.

Number 441612 in the Hawaii statutes.

Listen, is there someone who's smart

That can talk on the phone over there

That's not dumb

Jesus

What's your problem?

No, this is only open sign

Yeah, it's stupid sign

Right?

No, this is only open sign

Not for Pepsi sign

It's for stupid people over there, right?

What's your name?

The Garson Abramov with Pepsi

What's your stupid name?

Yeah, can you come to my store?

I did

I was there last night eating

Huh?

I got food there last night

I saw you and everything

Okay

And you didn't do anything.

So I don't know what you're talking about.

You're stupid.

You gave me bad food and I got sick and I'm angry at you.

Okay, you can call police or a lawyer can come to me.

No, I'm a lawyer.

I'm a lawyer now.

No, I passed the bar exam.

I'm a lawyer now.

You cannot say stupid, okay?

Stupid?

Stupid.

Can you leave your phone number?

No.

No?

I don't give you permission, no.

You stupid, you.

Eh, eh, eh, eh.

Fuck you.

Okay, bye-bye.

Fuck you.

I'm a stupid dude.

I should have given him a call.

I was having a little conversation with him.

We are getting very chummy with each other.

That was cool.

Nice.

All right, so that's one off a new news list.

I'm supposed to call the BBC where they call me a stupid American or something.

I wish I could find that one.

It's not edited yet, so I can't.

I wouldn't put it past him.

Coke and he's going to be editing some prank calls here when they get some time.

he was on holiday, as they call it up there

in the great white north.

Is that what they call Canada?

What's Canada? Isn't it called...

They don't take vacations.

They're only on holidays.

They don't get vacations there.

They got tons of holidays, but no vacations.

They don't get vacations, exactly.

They don't break like we break.

We get vacations.

We get vacations and holidays, fuckers.

Are you jealous? You know you are.

This is BBC.

That's why we're American, you ain't.

Hell yeah.

Come on in, BBC Super.

Hell yes.

How are you doing there, big girl?

I'm sorry, could you say that again?

I said I'm not doing bad.

You, Phil?

Oh, I could be better.

Right.

And how can the BBC help you?

Well, the TV audio is too loud again.

My neighbor next door, his TV is too loud.

And he's listening to BBC.

And what has that got to do with the BBC?

He's watching BBC Three, and I was wondering if you people could intervene

and just put a message like, Mr. DiBromolo, can you turn down?

Because I've called him, and he can't hear it.

and I knocked on the door and it's so loud.

I don't know if you can hear in the background,

but it's so loud that I can't.

It's not something we can help with.

You would need to contact the local council or the police.

I called the local...

Listen, I'm a college student.

I called the local police

and they said that they couldn't do anything about it,

that in this country they don't have laws like this,

that I had to contact the BBC or the owners.

It's nothing to do with the BBC

because obviously it's a television set.

If it was a problem with the noise level

that was going out that was transmitted

then we'd have a lot more complaints about it

but it seems to be a specific incident

because I've had no complaints this morning

so it is your neighbour's responsibility

to turn his television down

if you find that it is constantly

too loud you need to report him to the council

they have noise laws

they referred me to this number

to complain

they said that you people

do or do not have

the ability to put

the message on the screen

We don't have that ability

On that circumstance

It's not something that the BBC

Will intervene with

I think they need to

I have important things to do tomorrow

You understand

There isn't anything we can do

Because whatever is going out

With the exception of the news

Whatever goes out at this time of the morning

Is a pre-recorded program

But you can still

The next time you go on break

I'm certain you can

Do a break in news

and be like, you know, Mr. DeBromolo of 127 Chester Street,

can you please lower the volume of your television set?

It's not something that the BBC would do,

and they certainly wouldn't publish somebody's name and address out on television.

I don't know.

I mean, well, you don't have to put the whole address, maybe just the part of it.

I mean, you understand this is serious business.

Well, I can certainly understand that it gets very irritating,

but at the end of the day, it's not the BBC's problem.

You need to contact your neighbor, bang on his door.

If that is of no use, you need to contact your local council

and put a noise complaint in, and they will investigate it.

And there are serious consequences to such an action

if he does have a major noise problem coming out of the building.

But it's not the BBC's job to regulate the watch's volume control.

But in this country, you have that system where you can interrupt

in case of a national emergency or local emergency, right?

What's it called?

The cost of that don't outweigh the benefits of it.

But listen, I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, we call it D.C. Younger Party.

I should have let her explain.

She's kind of funny.

She's not kind of funny.

Yeah, that's for you.

See, he's going, eh-eh, like we can't, eh.

We can't do that.

Can't, eh-eh.

All right, Nunu, I got your BBC out of the way.

You know, it's hot, you know, it's hot, you know, it's hot, you know, it's hot, you know, it's hot, you know, it's hot.

rather rather say rather rather rather forgot that part all right let me find that denny's i

wanted to call i think we're caught up on numbers you've called them all except for woodmans all

right let me just call and see if i can talk about big brenda okay i'm pretty sure we already

if i'm correct i'm pretty sure the first time we called this place a few weeks ago

brenda answered and she hung up on me i called back and i complained about her too to the

the management and i think i did the same the last show we did it was brenda again i'm pretty

sure the first time we called this place two weeks before last week so four weeks ago i think it was

brenda that picked up hung up and i called back and talked to about three people you're repeating

yourself so let's call yeah we got this thing for brenda i got thing for brenda that would be the

theme of this call big booty brenda big booty brenda yeah can i speak with brenda please

This is she.

How can I help you?

Hey, this is Big Booty Brenda.

How you doing?

I've, uh, I called a few times.

Huh?

This is who?

This is Garson, the Bromelow.

The who?

Garson.

I'm Garson.

My name is Garson, the Bromelow.

How you doing?

Like, I've been there a few times.

How are you?

I'm good.

Like, I've been there and I've seen you a few times and stuff, and then I called before

and they said that your name was Brenda, so I wanted to holler at you, you know?

You want to holler at me?

Yeah.

About what?

You know, like, what, I mean, you got a man?

I'm married.

yeah but i mean is that serious or whatever i've been married for 17 years yeah but i mean

i mean you happily married and all that yeah i'm okay all right what are you doing you checking

someone out yes i am yeah what they got anything good excuse me you like ice creams i'm okay with

that yeah like what kind chocolate i'm not trying to say anything but i mean i'm trying to see where

you're going with this i'm trying to holler at you you know i like i'm married so yeah and i'm

I'm married, too.

I take the ring off when I come in.

You didn't notice?

Why would you take your ring off when you come in here?

Because I'm looking at you.

I want to flirt with you, you know?

I don't even know who you are.

I can't...

I'll probably be there tomorrow again.

Excuse me?

I'll probably be there tomorrow again.

You'll be here tomorrow?

Probably.

I always stop by quite a bit.

Every other day, I can make sure I stop by tomorrow.

I got stuff I need to get.

Okay.

You know?

So I'll see you tomorrow.

But, I mean, are you down or...

I mean, you like to party?

No.

no no you're gonna do nothing like that no but you're thinking about a little bit i can tell

right you think i'm thinking about it i can hear it like in your voice like you got that

oh yeah no i'm not thinking about it i just want to know who you are i'm a dude you know i'm white

i know you're a dude i got a big thing too it's like it's pretty big yeah you like that why would

that turn me on oh you're not you're not in the guys okay all right so then how long are you

supposed to boil the collard greens before you take them out or before they're ready you called

me before no i was i don't i don't remember my call i just my wife was asking me about collard

greens i don't know it came to my mind i don't even cook collard greens no but i'm saying you

called me before and you caught me well i call once before it is a defensive call no i called

because of the cake that i was getting the thing written on it i don't know i don't remember that

Somebody called me in regards to some collard greens and talked about my mom and all this and all that.

That's horrible.

Who did that?

That wasn't a very good call.

No, that's not.

And now you're going all around the place with this conversation.

At any rate, I'm working now.

And you're married?

So, I mean, it was out of the question?

It was out of the question.

Okay.

Does he have COPD or anything like that?

What do you mean?

Congenitive?

um uh pulmonary disease or like coronary stuff problem why would you ask me something like that

because if he's gonna pass away soon you know i'm just wondering no he's okay he's all right

he's healthy and all that oh good evening sir all right baby thank you i'll see you later

you like the call tuck isn't that nice that was nice sir he's a sweetheart that's my girl

told you i know how to talk to black girls ask for a big ass biscuit big brenda isn't a good moon

I remember the collar greet thing

I remember halfway into that

I asked this girl how to make collar greets

No that was the thing

I called once and she hung up

The second time I called

I talked to two other managers

And I kept asking

I actually remember this now

Does she know how to make

She's black she must know how to make collar greets

Could you ask her how

And like no we can't do that

No she doesn't know

I think they left at one point or something

And they came back so we asked her

She doesn't know

Big Brenda

Brenda says, I was talking about Fuel Negroes the first time.

Oh, okay.

I was playing the Malcolm X stuff that night.

Okay, I remember that.

Nice.

It's 2.11 a.m.

We are going on late.

I could keep going if you guys get me numbers.

Nah, I'm out of numbers.

I don't think we're going to sleep normally.

I don't know.

I don't have to work tomorrow.

And my wife's working, so thank God.

Oh, well fuck that then.

We'll keep going.

Thank God, yeah.

In fact, I got some beers right here.

But seriously, I don't have any numbers.

So we're gonna have to figure something out here.

Let me play this song.

I remember in the old, uh,

PCU days,

guys would go up until like 5 o'clock in the morning.

I went up until like 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning a few times, yep.

Yep.

Alright, let's play this call here for Brenda

while I get the Lonesome Loser log in front of me.

We'll do some more pranks.

Be right back.

Thank you for calling Circle K.

How may I help you?

Hey, how you doing there, big girl?

Good.

All right, good.

Listen, I don't know.

I went in there earlier and I bought these greens, and I don't know.

The instructions don't really come very clear, and I threw away the package.

So I was wondering if you could...

What did you buy?

Greens.

You bought drinks.

Greens.

I bought two spaces of greens there.

But when I was making them, I threw away the package, and now I don't know how long it's supposed to be in there.

I don't know if it's supposed to be brown or white, how they're supposed to get.

It smells kind of funny, too.

I don't understand how this is supposed to smell like that or not.

I have no idea what to tell you.

You know where the greens are?

Honestly, to tell you, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, it's an item there.

I have it on my receipt that I got greens over there.

What do you put with this?

How long does it go in there for?

Please look at the package for me.

Just find it, please.

Please.

It's there.

Greens.

You know what section it is?

I don't know what you're meaning.

What I'm asking you, sweetie, is to go where the spaces are that has greens,

Greens, and then just look at the package and then explain to me in the back what the instructions are because they're gone.

Are you busy or something?

What are you doing?

I'm helping customers is what I'm doing.

Oh, you got a lot of customers there?

Yes.

Can you ask one of the customers maybe?

Do you know one of them, like personal, like regulars or something?

No, I don't.

Okay, my bad.

Because sometimes you get regulars, right?

Well, yeah, but there's no regulars in here right now.

Oh, okay.

So what are you thinking?

How long would it be for you to check on the greens?

Is this a food item or?

Yeah, I mean, I got to go through the instructions on how to make them.

Yeah, it's for eating, greens, green spaces.

You don't have to say it, but you can say yes or no.

Is there like any African Americans there?

Because they use this a lot.

You might be able to ask them.

There's none here, and I honestly don't think we have what you're talking about.

But I got it there.

I'm telling you, I got it.

I'm trying to tell you that I can't help you because I don't know what you're exactly talking about,

and I don't think we sell what you're...

Is there a man I can talk to?

I don't...

Maybe that's why you don't know.

Hold on one second.

Even the customer doesn't know what that is.

Is he a black or not?

No, there's not a black customer in here.

But is he a man?

Yes, he is.

Well, let me talk to him because he's a man.

Obviously, he'll be able to understand me better than you.

Like, I know you don't understand about things.

So, are you saying that because I'm a girl, I won't understand how to help you?

I didn't say girl.

I said because you're not a man.

You said because I'm not a man.

So, that's implying that I'm a girl and I can't help you.

No, you're a woman, not a girl.

She got her out.

She got it out.

She had her out.

My name's Brendan.

Rest in peace, Tupac.

It's called John.

And this will wrap up the show.

Wrapping up the show here now on Madhouse Radio.

MadhouseSciVal.com is the website.

Thank you to everyone who's listening tonight.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

I'll leave you an early weekend.

Take the day off tomorrow.

Call in sick.

Wake up tomorrow.

I'll call your boss and say,

I don't want to work tomorrow.

I don't feel like it.

I'm going to ask you why.

I said because.

Why did you come in?

Because Carlito said I don't have to.

Maybe tomorrow I'll come in.

I'll come in Saturday.

Maybe tomorrow.

Oh, that's Saturday.

I usually like to sleep in on Saturday.

Like, I was going to come into work today, but it seems like a lot of work right now.

Brenda's got a fucking baby.

Hello.

Hey, how you doing?

Okay, how are you doing?

I'm good.

Can I speak with John, please?

Could you talk to who, John?

Yeah.

Who is this?

This is Garson.

Okay, just a second.

John, Garson?

Here, I don't know.

Talk to who, John?

Hey, what do you say there, coach?

Just wait.

I'll get it over here.

Okay, hello?

Coach?

Yeah.

Hey, how you doing?

Pretty good.

It's Garson.

What's up?

Pretty good.

That's cool.

Hey, look, I'm getting the guys back together.

We want you to come coach.

We're at Oster Park right now.

What are you doing?

We've been drinking a little bit, and we started playing,

and we figured we'd call Coach over to come over here and stuff.

Come coach us.

Yeah, I'd like to, but I can't.

What's wrong with you?

I got to run a garage sale tomorrow starting at 5.30 in the morning.

No, that's cool.

You can call in off of work.

That's all right.

You don't have to go to work tomorrow.

What's wrong with you?

Yeah. Aren't you retired, old man?

Yeah, I'm retired. This is a garage sale.

It's for your wife? Did she make you do it?

No, it's for my, well, I've had my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law and my aunt and my best friend die all within about two weeks of each other's.

Oh, so it's all because of your wife then and her side of the family.

Yeah, it's her side of the family.

And the money's in all of my daughter, who right now is in the process of having her husband receive a kidney.

Yeah, listen, you tell your wife to get, you know, you need a day, me and you a coach.

Yes, okay, sometimes not this time, though.

Remember back in the day, we used to throw those balls off of each other all the time and hit you.

Remember that one time I hit you in the head with a ball and fucking knocked you out clear around the Sunday?

Oh, man, we used to have good times.

Yeah, we did, we did.

Hey, we got together.

I don't even have a few with you.

Yeah, I remember I threw that ball out, you hit you right across the head, you knocked out.

I thought I knocked you out clear for a day, I think, right?

No, not really.

Remember that time we caught Chester with the pants down in the showers?

Yeah.

Yeah, and it was that one time the big Lou took a shit in my bag.

Yeah, we were talking about all that, Coach, remember?

Yeah.

Yeah, do you ever take a, remember that time we took a shit in your bag?

No.

No, you don't remember that?

No.

I took a big shit in your bag.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I don't think you ever noticed.

I think you wore the clothes, you wore this T-shirt or something, it had shit in the bag.

You didn't even know.

Oh, I don't remember that.

Hey, I got to get to bed, buddy.

Hey, listen.

Okay, good luck.

Be careful.

I'm going to arm wrestle some guy tonight, and if it's you, I'm going to slap you right in the face after I beat you.

Okay.

You son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch.

All right, cool.

There you go.

That's your, um, Brendan was sending in the number for his old high school gym coach who was like Archie Bunker.

Whatever.

Someone's asking me if I'm the Rocksteady crew.

I said yes.

I usually get people like, oh, man, is this Madhouse Radio?

I think it's Omaha, Nebraska.

there's some radio station out there and there's a show called madhouse radio that comes on at

night and i used to get their people like their fans messaging me all the time and shit back in

the day i think they're not on the air anymore because it stopped but i used to call into the

toll-free line that we used to have here off air and leave messages like yeah i want to win the

contest and it's like for you know the fucking station okay they never actually called while

i was on the air that would have been good fuck with them but i did um i did talk with one i had

I had Madhouse Radio on AOL, and I think they were like Madhouse Radio something.

They couldn't get it, but people kept confusing my AIM screen name

as the one for this legitimate terrestrial radio show in Omaha, Nebraska.

Or it might have been Oklahoma.

Yeah, the proper one, not the crazy fake one.

Yeah, so there was one.

It was an intern that used to help him out, I guess,

and a few times he'd get on and be like,

Hey, man, is Kyle there or something?

Like, yeah, this is Kyle.

I was like, hey, man, what's up?

Yeah, man, come down here and bring some beer and this and that and shit.

Hang on.

Artie's calling.

Hey.

Hang on.

Say what?

Yeah, but I'm signing off.

You're late.

Yeah.

Well, tell your story now.

You're on the air.

Yeah, go ahead.

No, no, just tell your story, man, or whatever.

It was what?

Nobody you know.

It's all talks in there, noo-noo.

Yeah, you're not.

No one cares.

Go.

Milkman's dead.

Yeah.

He passed away in a hospital, Cedars-Sinai, last week.

Well, no, but he's not doing really good health-wise.

He's in the hospital.

Yeah, I told you.

He's dead.

No, he's just very sick.

I'm kidding.

He's very sick.

All right, pray for him.

All right, wait.

Get your story.

Hurry up.

I got to take a shit.

Is Beau in prison now, or he's out of prison?

That doesn't count, then.

That's cool.

And you said, yeah, you told me that story already.

So your brother was in the room, too, right?

He was jerking off.

That was awesome.

Oh, yeah, but he was jerking off, though.

He was really watching.

What?

You're too heavy.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow, man.

Merry Christmas.

Wow.

Hey, you got your red wings recently, too, I understand.

Oh, okay.

We can't.

I already got his red wings.

Oh, Jesus, God.

All right, look, I got to go.

Did what?

John, did what?

Tuck was talking again.

No, not right now.

All right, what?

Can you?

Next week?

Yeah, next week.

Yeah, yeah.

Because I got to go.

It's 2.30 in the morning.

Who cares?

Right, yeah, I got a real life.

All right, cool.

That's nasty.

You probably got herpes, man.

Yeah.

The free clinic down in Orlando, downtown, on fucking Princeton.

Because it's free, and you get free condoms there, stupid.

stupid never heard of the place never heard of the place ever don't know where you're talking

about anyway thank you bye arty what did he say i don't know what he's talking about free yeah

free condoms at the clinic tell you know you might want to get that they got free lubricants

too water-based lubricants for real all right everybody so we're done with show i think right

no more numbers i'm done we taught the john bell over there coach as i call him like how that

worked out i know what i was doing uh what should the next show be i don't know we should

you do the Wednesday show that I keep, you know, we're supposed to stick to, kind of

thing?

Three.

Three or four in the afternoon.

All right, so everybody, I'm promising you this.

I'm going to announce it as early as possible.

By Monday, the weekend or by Monday, you'll know, and it'll be on the website, on the

countdown on the website.

It'll be posted in the feed and everything.

Well, we're supposed to do it.

Wednesday at three.

Three Eastern time.

Wednesday.

All right.

Let's try to stick to that this coming week.

I'll keep my schedule clear.

Sounds good.

All right.

Because that's usually when I do a show covering for your ass.

Yeah, I hear you.

Are you planning any shows this weekend?

Anything you've got to let the people know?

I do shows.

All right.

I might do some audio testing.

I might pop in this weekend.

You never know.

Kick-ass.

That's Tuck.

Tuckermike.com is his website.

We're at madhouselife.com.

Tuckermike.com, yeah.

All right, and we're out of here.

Thank you, Winter, for tuning in.

See you next week.

I just came through to check y'all niggas, you know what I'm saying, to show some love.

I'm saying us niggas don't know how long we gonna be here, feel me?

So enjoy this shit and enjoy yourselves, and then we outta here.

Just hit me.

Calls (13, 51 min of 2 h)

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