I’m Scared, I Need Help

the fuck is this listening house radio podcast we're back house radio for a wednesday afternoon

our contractual obligations we're here thank you everybody for tuning in today it is uh 4 p.m

starting uh well 4 10 but started right on time to go over the stream as scheduled wednesday the

22nd of september patriots month sending your prank call requests to me today send them into

the staff if you're in a chat room if you're not in the chat room go there now madhouselive.com

Click on the chat button or just direct yourself to madhouselive.com forward slash chat.

Video feed is also there.

Thank you to everybody watching on Ustream as well.

We are on Cacti Radio.

Tuck, I understand, was holding it down starting around 3 p.m. Eastern.

His website is tuckermike.com.

Tuck, how are you doing today, sir?

Great.

I'm doing blah, blah, blah.

DVD and all that good groupiness and stuff.

Nice.

Brendan's sending in numbers.

Thank you, Brendan.

Noonoo's in the house.

I'm sure he'll send in some ideas also.

We've got tons of numbers here from the logs across the years.

The Lonesome Loser Classic Logs.

Got that open here.

Send in your ideas.

If you're on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, you can message me.

Madhouse Radio.

Again, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Messenger, Madhouse Radio is my screen name on there.

Every month, man, I need to get with you later off the air or something.

Okay.

Nothing big deal.

Just something.

Big deal.

Big meeting.

Big problem.

Big fucking problem that I don't care about.

We're using MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com, madhouseatlive.com, MSN European users.

Non-Americans use that a lot, and Puerto Ricans do a lot, too.

Imagine that.

Non-Americans might as well be.

Okay, ladies, any ideas?

Tuck, what were you working on over there?

I heard you looking for ideas.

Did you do any calls?

I always ask you about this, and you said you were going to upload calls to the FTP, and you never did.

What happened?

I did.

No, I didn't.

Oh, you did.

I saw you created a Revolutuk folder, but it was empty.

I thought it was empty.

No, maybe I'm wrong.

Oh, really?

Maybe.

Let me look.

I've got it right here in front of me.

Let's see.

Let me see.

Revolutuk folder.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, there's some stuff here.

Chickens for cheap.

That's a WAV file.

Okay.

That's very 90s of you.

Thank you.

Oh, shit.

I'm just saying.

It just popped up.

Happy Meat.

happy meat

ugly at Denny's

alright cool

we got some stuff there

Tuck I'll add this

to the rotation

after the show

bitch

stupid bitch

how much is there though

how much is what

should be like a big list

how many

how many are in here

I don't know

I got

well what's average

you know

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19

looks like about 19 there buddy

ok

19 there buddy

ok that's what's good

yeah

uh

venison's saying keep one

do you want me to replace

his WAV files by the way

If you want to, it's no big deal.

Yeah, I think, you know what, I think it does make, Winamp is what I'm using to run the rotation right now.

Right.

And I think it does make it stumble a little bit if you go from...

That's what I'm asking.

Yeah, it does make it hiccup a little bit, I think.

Because I think Ted had that problem for a few months.

He's like, I don't know why it keeps happening.

And then he figured out it was WAV files and Winamp would do that.

It would make it go...

It would cut off...

Yeah, that's why I asked.

I remember all that.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

All right, so change those WAVs.

Change those WAVs.

waves change those waves everybody all right the tree in the wave

venison tell me keep on stream addy bookmarks are a work to change but what are you talking

about what's what have i changed i'm gonna change the stream address i get the same one out what

are you talking about sir are you screaming me about numbers i don't understand this that's not

nice jayrat saying carlito with uh one two three four five periods at the end of that hey man

man. With six periods at the end of it,

I will give you. Hey, man.

Hey. Alright, let's do a prank call.

I don't know if you have any ideas.

I feel like calling Starbucks over here.

Ask them about the valet service that they don't have.

It's on the big board over here. I got it written down.

I think I might have done it once already before,

but for some reason I haven't taken it off the big board.

That's a sign that we need to get to it then, I think.

Let's find out. Right back with the

big fucking board.

You're all a bunch

of fucking assholes. You know why?

You don't have the guts to be

what you want to be you need people like me you need people like me so you can point your

fucking fingers and say that's the bad guy so what i make you you're not good you just know how to

hide me at that part even when i lie to the bad guy i ain't gonna see a bad guy like this again

hey shut up tony montana i think your front dad is in the background angry about something

all right tell me if you streams back up now for some reason it did flash up that the u-stream

stream server did go down oh no hob hobzoid zach saying hi nice to hear us live nice to see you

live sir good to be back same words coming from big nick glad we are back glad he's glad us guys

are back man well hey man it feels good man i'm glad to be here venison checking in the chat room

j rad's very excited about things met fan 1987 saw big jimbo hayes hanging out i didn't know

he moved to colorado nice brew of marijuana he says it's very exciting good for you man

I watch that show Weeds and I fantasize about living that world.

Dude, Tuck, have you been watching Weeds?

I caught up with the last.

Yeah.

Dude, it's kind of.

Don't tell me about the last episode because I haven't seen that one yet.

But I'm up to, you know, the show before the last.

Do they get into Canada?

You know where they're at.

They're in Canada.

And you know what?

I was thinking over the summer they were going to leave.

They had to go to Seattle.

They're in Seattle.

I thought they were in Canada.

Well, you just ruined it, you cunt.

They were.

work stop because the one you love the one you need i don't know what you're watching

asshole stop hitting me strangling the microphone i was so angry there for a second jay red asking

what's going on with the podcast i updated the podcast there's a new episode there'll be another

one coming up soon kokanee's working on that helping me out although i haven't seen him around

i think kokanee's mad and we got to call milkman man let's see if we can tell milkman i promised

him we'd try to do a milkman show a lot of people asking about milkman in real life now and he's

better he was in the hospital and stuff let's get him on the line see if he'll answer he's very hard

to get a hold of now hey milkman it's us it's uh carlito just calling you please give me a call

back asap it's important i need money harry pleases emergency thank you bye maybe that'll

get him oh man i'm on these money oh that's why i went to the phone network

i gotta write a funny check to go bounce the check all right well i was trying to call somebody i

I forgot who it was.

Let's find out.

Starbucks, that's what it was.

Good evening.

Thank you for calling.

How may I help you?

Yeah, I was looking for a Starbucks.

What's this about?

Oh, well, allow me to connect to a Starbucks inside of our hotel.

What do they do there at the hotel?

What do you mean?

These people, what do they do?

What are you people doing right now?

This is the front desk.

Yeah, I'm Stanley.

What are you doing over there?

What's up?

Working.

You're working?

You need to speak with somebody.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I mean, I didn't mean to bother you.

I was just trying to make, you know, I don't know.

Yeah, you got Starbucks over there?

You can put me through.

Yeah, okay.

You guys in charge of...

Fucking ass.

No.

I was trying to ask him if I need a fucking remote for my TV in the hotel room.

For some reason, a bunch of times now, I get into a hotel and there's no remote for the TV and I got to call the front desk.

I think it's a fucking thing.

Starbucks, Robert.

Were you listening to that, Robert?

No, I wasn't.

Hello.

Oh, okay.

You didn't hear my complaint?

No.

Because these people don't put remotes in the TV.

Every time that I come to this hotel, there's never a remote for the TV.

Okay.

You know?

Hello?

I work at Starbucks.

You need to talk to the front desk.

Yeah, I know.

I asked for Starbucks, but I'm just saying.

I was just having a conversation.

Oh, sorry.

All right.

Okay, so I'm going to be using the valet.

So if you wouldn't mind pulling up the car, it's number 436.

You have to talk to valet about that.

Yeah, but this is a Starbucks, right?

Yes, sir.

You're in the ground floor?

I'm kind of serving people coffee.

That's what I do.

If you want to talk to your car, you need to get somebody from valet.

You got the Cheesecake Factory stuff over there, right?

Yes.

All right, go ahead and charge that to room 212, then, and bring it up if you could.

We do not deliver to the room.

You have to come down here.

But this is hotel.

This is hotel.

Then you have to go through room service, not Starbucks.

Well, no, this is part of the hotel, right?

You're in the hotel?

Yes, but I'm in Starbucks.

And if you want something delivered to your room, sir, you need to go through room service.

I have these papers here that came with the room inside the room next to the Bible.

That came inside the room.

Well, sir, I'm the only person down here.

I cannot leave Starbucks to deliver to your room.

You have to go through room service.

Now, why is the information here?

Why does it say right here?

I don't know.

Perhaps you would like to talk to the general manager of the hotel.

Because I make coffee.

I don't put literature in the room.

This isn't fair.

There's stuff in the hotel that says that you can call to get anything out of the hotel, food, drinks, alcohol, services.

It says down here, and they put it on your account.

When you check out, it says right here.

You call room service, and they will gladly deliver it to your room.

But you're not understanding.

It says it has your phone number in here, and it says that this is the Starbucks that's in the hotel.

So what am I supposed to do?

We don't deliver.

But that's not the Starbucks.

If I call the room service, they told me already that I had to call Starbucks to get the stuff from Starbucks.

Well, try them again, and I'll call them and say the same thing,

and we'll get this matter rectified, and you'll get your coffee.

It sounds like I'm just going to get the runaround over here by you people.

Are you Christian?

I'm sorry, sir.

You have to call room service.

Put me through to room service immediately.

Transfer this call.

It'd be easier for you to call because I cannot transfer.

This is my last quarter, man.

You've got to put me through.

Quarter?

Are you up in a room?

I'm in a paper room.

You don't need a quarter to call room service from your room.

It doesn't take change?

You don't need money to call room service from your room.

It says here $0.25 per call, it says in the papers.

When I was reading about phone charges, it says $0.25 per connection.

I mean, he could have transferred me before already all this time.

Arguing about transferring me.

And he could have transferred me.

And I know he's listening over there, and he's wasting my time.

They love their job there.

They are so wanting to keep their job.

Jesus.

The lobby guy was like, you want me to actually do something?

Yeah, I got to do something.

Well, he's happy to transfer the call.

My God, it was such a big fucking deal.

He's the guy who was at work.

He thought he was still in the house.

Yeah.

I had some of those hot chips.

You know, I'm talking about chips. They're like red hot. They're red got this red shit on them

I think it tastes pretty good if you ask me

They like they make them for some reason every time super super ass thin I don't know what the deal about that is

It tastes good, but they go

Yeah, they're messy and I got red shit all over my red flakes the real little flakes all over my shirt

Sure. It's called anyway. They're Kerr's chips.

Like, or if it's for some fucking powdery.

I had to hide the bag from Athena so I don't get in trouble for eating them.

I'll get in trouble for eating them if Athena finds out.

It's contraband in this house.

Have you ever had the red hot Cheetos like that?

I don't like those at all.

But what I'm getting at is I have a problem with these.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of.

I got a weird nose and the spice goes up my nose and I end up like, you know, with a very runny nose after it every time I eat them.

But it happens worse with the Cheetos.

I don't like that

Flit taste at all

I like it with the potato

That's it

Yeah

Alright let me call them

Back on conference

And tell them I'm holding

On the other line

Yeah I zoned out

For a while

I was talking about food

You know how it is

I'm just sitting here

Blah blah blah

I gotta go off

By 6pm

Eastern by the latest

I have to be off the air

So we gotta make our time

Okay

Why

Cause I gotta go to

Sam's Club

I have a membership

To Sam's Club

Card member, woof, woof.

It wouldn't let me put in the fucking number.

It was like a cell phone noise, you hear that?

But, say, we were cell phone away from the mic.

No, my cell phones are all way over there.

I know it's not mine.

It's like a monkey phone show.

It's a monkey phone show, remember?

They're using us.

They got a band.

They just got an invite from their band.

Yeah, I did.

They recommended something for me.

Those kids are quite talented with the telephones and all that stuff, you know?

Probably like in their 20s now, maybe.

Let's see what this is.

Hello?

Ooh.

Good afternoon. Thank you for calling Canberra, New York.

I'm just going to call me a sister.

Hey there, big girl. I need to speak to the Starbucks, please.

One moment.

There you are.

Starbucks, Robert speaking. I'm going to help you.

Hey, man, I'm on hold on the other line. It's taken a long time.

I was wondering if you knew what the status was about transferring me over.

On transferring you over?

I could try it again.

No, no, I'm on hold. You're transferring me.

I'm calling on my other phone.

Okay, I'm going to try it again.

How long do you think it's going to be?

It shouldn't be.

I don't know what's going on down there.

I have to transfer you.

You think they're busy?

It should be more than a few minutes.

I'm going to transfer you now.

Oh, well, then I'll be transferred.

I got a collector calling me up there.

This is Michael.

Yeah, hi.

I'm on hold on the other line.

For a room service?

Well, yeah.

No, for the front desk.

They got me on hold over there.

I don't understand.

Well, you can help me out then.

I can help you.

Yeah, I need to get a macchiolata sent up from the Starbucks,

and they're refusing to give me service.

I want a macchiato and I want one of those low-carb cheesecakes

that they've got in the menu in the papers here.

And they said they can't do it.

What's this about?

Are you in a room?

I'm on vacation from Las Vegas, sir,

and I'm trying to get room service and they're refusing me service.

Are you in a guest room, sir?

I am.

Okay, which room are you calling from?

I want to know why they're not delivering my Starbucks to my room.

Explain this.

Why can't they take that information from me and deliver it?

They keep saying I have to talk to you.

And then I called the restaurant and it said no, that I have to talk to Starbucks if I want coffee and cheesecake.

Sir, I'm trying to help you here, but you're not giving me any information I need to help you with.

I need just a room number so I can get the thing carefully.

I'm in 5.

You're in 5?

Yeah.

There is no room 5.

105?

I'm sorry, sir.

205.

No, you're not calling from any room in the hotel.

No, I'm not.

All right, you have a good day.

Can you put me through to Starbucks?

No, sir.

Do it now.

Why?

Let me speak to your manager.

Where are you calling from?

Let me speak to your manager.

I am the manager, sir.

No 18-year-old effeminate kid's the manager.

Let me speak to a man.

Thank you, ma'am.

Sir.

Thank you, sweetie.

Go ahead, honey.

Put the manager on, sweetie.

Hello?

Sir.

Always get me with the room, you know?

Because I don't know.

I don't know what room it is.

How do I know what room it is?

Get out of here with that shit.

Hollywood was trying to call in on one phone.

I'm going to try to call him in on here.

his phone number here

in the old cell phone.

Does it, does it

think of something

to say?

Hello?

Yes, ma'am, speak with

Summer Big Johnson, please.

Yes, I'm afraid

she's unavailable right now.

Let me see if I can

get a hold of her.

All right, please

wake her up, thanks.

What would a giant

do in there?

Hi, this is Summer.

Hey, sweetie,

what's up, baby?

What are you doing

with the tomato?

Yeah, look, I wanted

to get some Starbucks.

Can you order it

from Starbucks for me, please?

All right, cool.

Tell them you wanted to get it charged

Have you been listening to the show at all, Hollywood?

Have you been listening to the show at all

Or did you just see me online?

Well, no

I just seen you online

Oh, okay

You're out?

Sounds like you're on the road

Oh, shit

Alright, well

Probably not in a good position to do a prank call

But just giving you a call back

I saw you called

I'm doing a show right now

I didn't know if you were aware

Okay

Alright

That's cool

Alright, buddy

See you later

Alright

Bye

That was weird

Hollywood Vanya being very weird

And secretive

What do you think is going on?

I think he's with his mistress

Yeah

I think he's with his mistress

I don't know

I think so.

I think we were calling someone, and it happened to be a hell of a guy in the voice picking up.

It's like, someone's moonlighting.

Let's go and do some secret stuff.

All right.

Nuno mentioned it at the association.

Yeah, he likes him, but he plays Farmville on Facebook and he's currently sharing carrot

bushels, carrot bushels and selling carrot bushels in his market stall and wants to share

some free samples.

All right, cool.

Let's give a call to the and ask him about free samples.

Shit, this might be funny.

This might be turning some weird waters, but we're going to hopefully maybe he's even at

work and we can talk to him.

All right, let's see.

I'll ask him about the samples.

Thank you for calling.

This is Frank.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hi, this is Frank.

I was supposed to call in about the samples.

Sorry, the samples?

Yeah, Mr.

He said he had some samples that I was supposed to call in about.

Okay.

Do I have the right number?

I don't know if I have the right number.

Well, you have reached his office.

He's not here right now.

Do you want to leave him a voicemail?

Well, is there someone who might know about these samples?

No, I'm sorry.

What samples are these exactly?

Exactly. I don't understand.

I wouldn't be able to tell you.

I'm unfamiliar with...

Are you just like a receptionist woman?

No, I'm sorry. I'm not just a receptionist woman.

I'm the member services coordinator.

Okay, but you have no idea about...

I mean, this is...

What kind of way of business is this to do business?

I don't understand.

I'm sorry?

What kind of way to do business is this?

That was what I was asking you a question.

Uh-huh. What kind of way to do business?

Did you have an appointment with...

I'm supposed to get samples.

I don't know if you heard that part.

I will transfer you to the voicemail, and he'll probably be able to help you.

Is there maybe a man I can speak to first?

A man that you can speak to?

Yeah.

Are there any men working there?

I'm so sorry.

If you haven't had an appointment with him yet, maybe the best thing to do would be to leave him a voicemail.

No, he said to call in and speak to the guy, so maybe there's a man there, not a woman.

We don't have any gentlemen here that are familiar with samples.

Oh, you don't have any gentlemen there at all?

I mean, you're running around the question here.

We're beating around the bush.

We're playing that song about going around the bush over and over again,

and everyone falls down at the end.

Here, let me ask you a question.

Did you want to leave this now?

No, I was trying to get more information about the samples.

Okay, we'll leave it at that.

Samples!

Have a good day.

Samples!

I want my free stuff.

Why does everyone today sound like they're all downers?

I don't know.

Yeah, everyone is like, eh, no.

What's an exciting...

What's an exciting town we can call?

Seriously, what's...

I don't know.

I'm calling about the samples, please.

I'm supposed to get these samples from you people,

and you're refusing to give me...

I think that you people are hiding out something about these samples that happened,

and if I don't get the samples, I'm going to go personally to Bob Morton and the news solvers

and tell them all about this.

About what, sir?

about the samples that you got that you're refusing to give out now after you contractually

obligatory i have no idea who you are i need to speak to a man first of all a who a man you're

speaking to the man what's up what about these samples put me through to the person who's in

charge of samples there the services director of services or whatever it may be well i'm your guy

talk to me about these samples what are we talking about there's supposed to be several

samples that i'm supposed to get about the soil and cleaning the soil green samples and

Wrong number, sir.

Who are you trying to reach?

All I know is that this gentleman is supposed to give me samples, and these are important.

This is for a university, okay?

Who are you trying to reach, sir?

There's no reason to be so angry, first of all.

There was a woman over there who was rude, mean, and nasty to me.

So I'm calling in a second time, and I'm a little on guard.

I have a right to defend myself, sir.

You have a right to defend yourself.

I'm a man.

I can call in, and I can be upset, and I can raise my voice because I have been affronted against.

Yes, I was treated rude by some woman over there wearing the man pants.

Sir, are you calling from a business?

My name is Garson DeBromolo.

I'm calling from DeBromolo International Associates.

Inform me, please.

Garson, G-A-R-S-O-N, DeBromolo.

D-E-B-R-A-M-A-L-O.

I'm sorry, I didn't get the last few letters.

DeBromolo.

D-E-B-R-A-M-A-L-O.

And what company are you calling from today?

DeBromolo Associates International.

And who are you trying to reach today?

Are you trying to reach...

Yes, about the samples, that's right.

Samples of what, sir?

Sir, I don't know.

I don't deal with that part of things.

It's for the university.

Something about soil cleaning, soil samples.

Core samples, I don't know.

This is important.

There are three weeks until this project is due to the Board of Regents.

Samples.

Well, let me do you this.

Let me transfer you a voicemail.

You can leave him a voicemail.

Yeah, right.

Okay, yeah, the check's in the mail.

You know what the biggest three lies are?

I'm going to transfer to the voicemail, number one.

Number two, the check's in the mail.

Number three, I'm just going to put the hat in.

Go ahead and do it.

of luck to you okay i'm just going to put the hat in you got it you people are mean and nasty

and you need to send the samples as soon as possible to us over here i'm calling from the

University. Wesleyan University

of East Indiana. You need to send those

samples to us. Because without the

samples, we can't submit this project to the Board of Regents.

Thank you. What else to say?

Got tired of that pretty quick.

East End is slow, too. It was a little slow.

Noonoo's not even in here.

Not even in here. No, never mind.

We got a family. Did you enjoy it?

Did you get your dollies off there, Noonoo?

Noonoo's all excited.

You finally called up. He's been bugging me

about...

I understand, because every time we do this,

calls has never been funny except for the first time we messed with him i know it's been like

five years that is great it's like five six years since i have i think he's done some soundboard

calls five or six fucking years ago he's done some angry pranks to him before i think with

soundboards or something i think went somewhere maybe that's why he's got a thing for him

I was telling him he needs to get back and do those or do a show or something.

He could just do soundboards, just say hello.

Hello, there is no news.

I hear you.

Understood.

All right.

Clear as a bell, fucker.

We got the China Pro restaurant.

Ni hao ma.

Listen, I got directed over here by the embassy.

You understand?

Shut up.

Ni hao.

I'm calling about the toilet.

Calling about the toilet.

You're supposed to come fix the toilet.

You called a customer space, this China Pearl restaurant.

China Pearl restaurant?

Yeah.

That's what they told me to call, that you people were in charge of fixing a toilet from China.

No, I don't know what was wrong.

I don't know.

I called the embassy in Washington, D.C., and I said that I have a toilet from China and it's broken.

And they said to me to get all this number here that they will get help to fix the toilet.

Okay, I'll get that number, okay?

No, no, just China Pearl, fucking guy.

We can do this prank.

I know we can.

We can get something out of this guy.

I don't understand what's going on here with the order.

Huh?

So what can I do for you?

The foot service.

Exactly.

I'm trying to order something.

So what do you need?

One toilet repair.

Try them again.

To pick up.

Hello?

Let me call them from another number then.

Fine.

I got tricks I can do too, bitch.

They don't even talk anymore.

They're so stupid they don't even talk anymore.

God damn it.

All right.

It's in the back of my throat.

Bro, you see what I'm talking to you about?

Those fucking Red Hots, man.

They fuck up my sinuses and my fucking throat and everything.

Why do I fucking do it to myself every fucking time?

They always get me.

J-Red saying Green Bay Packers.

I'm going to tell you something, gentlemen out there who follow the NFL.

I'm usually not the Packers fan, but unfortunately I got stuck with fucking Rodgers for my quarterback off the Packers.

I'm playing a custom ESPN league for fantasy football this year.

You have no idea what I'm talking about because it's not ballet or whatever you like.

But I get two quarterbacks at a time, like, you know, playing at a time, getting points.

And I let it auto draft.

I couldn't show up for the draft.

And I got Aaron Rodgers and fucking Tony Romo as my other quarterback.

So, you know, I've lost the last the first two games of the season.

Got fucking asked, asked, asked out.

And then I had fucking Falcons D I could have played or I could have played Steelers D last week.

They both scored the same amount of points week number one.

They were both projected by ESPN Monkeys to score exactly six.

I lose the game that I had in week two by ten points, right?

The Falcons got four points for their D.

The fucking Steelers got 25.

25!

And I sat there with the two of them and I watched them.

I did all the research I could about who they were playing and this and that on Sunday morning.

And right up to the time that, you know, they cut off trades and shit, right before noon, I went with the Falcons.

Had I gone with the Steelers, I would have won by, like, a good solid six points.

Not solid six points, but I would have fucking won.

Fuck you, Andy.

You look like a fat turtle to the show.

You're an ass, man.

That's really rude, man.

Bring a little bit of decorum to the chat room, man.

You could be a little more respectful to yourself.

You used to be a part of the show.

You used to care.

There. More.

Now he just likes to make nasty, you know, comments about his friends.

It's fine. Go ahead.

J-Rad sent a fucking, uh, prank call idea.

I got it here, J-Rad. I'll give it a fucking shot.

And he paused the video right where Carlito looks like he's...

I'm gonna have to turn it off, because I'm gonna get self-conscious.

See? You want to see a turtle, I'm gonna go on my show.

I'm gonna turn off the video, and then there's no fun for anybody, Andy.

Okay? Asshole?

I can play that way. You want to ruin it for everybody?

Because a lot of people like to see me here, doing my show.

So I must say, I've had short shaved hair for like, oh, I don't know, the last 20, maybe more years of my life.

And I've been letting it grow out.

And today, for the first time, I could see my own hair in the shower when it was wet.

It was down enough that it got in my eyes.

And I was like, yeah, it shocked me at first.

I go, wait a minute.

Yeah, I haven't seen my hair like that, you know, since I don't know, maybe I was like eight years old.

The last time I had it long and curly.

Now I'm growing it out like I was telling Tuck the other day about.

I like it, but I got a hat on.

I'm going to try to grow a mullet just for the hell of it.

I'm going to grow a wispy mustache.

Family Christian Store, this is Rose Ellen.

May I help you?

Yeah, hi.

I was looking for one of those Bibles over there,

but I don't want the King James Version because I don't believe in it.

I don't believe in the King James Version of the Bible.

What other versions do you have?

We have all the other different versions.

We have New Living.

We have NIV.

Which is the one that talks about that war in the end?

Pardon?

The one that talks about that war in the end of the whole thing, you know?

Oh, you mean Revelation?

I mean, there was this story and the guy flew a plane and he was having an affair and it was in the Bible.

You know, at the end there was this dude in Europe and he's like the Antichrist

and then this big dome, jello dome, went over Israel and it shot a missile and it didn't affect it because of Jesus.

What Bible is that?

That's not in any Bible that I know of.

Is there a Bible that talks about how Jesus was a black?

No.

Did you know that Jesus was a black?

Well, I don't know of any Bible that says that.

But it does say that, that his hair was like, you know, sheep's wool and his face was black as brass.

And he was, you know, from that part of the country, the world that was black people, you know.

They got color to them.

You got a little color to them.

Do you have any pictures of Jesus who doesn't look like a motorcycle guy, a motorcycle driver?

No.

What's the problem there?

Why don't you open mine?

You don't have black Jesus anywhere?

No.

Why not?

Is this a white store?

I mean, if I'm not welcome there, I won't come in.

I'm mixed race.

Of course you are.

You're welcome.

Just come in, and we'll try to help you.

But I want Black Jesus.

Are they in the back somewhere?

No, we don't.

You don't have, like, a colored section or anything there that has, like, books for blacks and stuff?

Well, they're mixed in with all of the rest of our books.

We have black authors.

We have, yes, we do.

But they're mixed in.

We have them alphabetical according to the author's last name.

We have a black gospel music section.

We have, you know, like Creflo Dollar and different, just, T.D. Jakes and different authors.

Who, like, if there was a fight between Abraham Lincoln and Jesus, I'm thinking Jesus probably would win, but it would be a good fight.

This question came up in one of my classes, I had a debate class, and they were talking about that.

Like, you know, famous people fighting, and then I brought out the Jesus card, and some people say, no, that, you know, Jesus wouldn't fight, that he wouldn't fight at all.

But I said, I remember how when he got turned over at the Mount of Olives, remember, that night when the soldiers came?

And he basically said, look, man, you don't think that I could have whooped everybody's ass here?

I have a whole army here right now.

No, he didn't.

Yeah, he did.

He didn't.

He did.

He said he could if he wanted to, but he wasn't going to do it because his dad said he had to do it.

He's like, whatever, just because my dad wasn't for that, I'd be getting my business taken care of.

He basically said that to those people.

And good.

I say good for him.

Okay, well, if I can help you with any product we have, I'll be glad to,

but I've got customers waiting for me to ring them up.

But I'm saying, Jesus will fight.

He's not a chicken.

No, he's not.

Not like, you know, there's some other religious leaders out there right now

who are like Uncle Tom chickens.

Okay, well, God bless you.

Whatever.

All right, dude.

See you, man.

Bye.

That's true.

That happened.

Jesus said, well, you don't think I could have an army of angels come down?

The big-ass line?

The big-ass line.

Yeah, right.

Uh-huh.

She needs to go read the Bible.

That big-ass line to the Bible book store,

the new Billy Graham book just came out, I think.

Are there people that really read the whole Bible?

Because I can't imagine reading through that whole big-ass book.

I would think the only book that...

Holy shit, yes.

Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

They don't understand it, but they read it.

Yeah.

They read it every day.

They have no clue what the fuck it says.

I'm trying to set up the YouTube again, you know, get some clips on there.

But for some reason, the Ustream YouTube, the highlight creator hasn't been working the last few times I've tried to use it.

So I can make some snips, you know, and upload some stuff to YouTube.

That would be a nice call to upload to YouTube right there.

What's not working here in Ustream? The YouTube creator in Ustream or something?

You can create a highlight of your recordings.

Like, I'm... Ah, shit, I forgot to record this. Fucking goddammit.

I was recording it at first.

Someone said it went down earlier.

Yeah, well, it was recording when I shut down.

It went off.

Yeah, and it didn't come back up recording when I refreshed it.

It went back broadcasting, and I just saw the button wasn't on.

Damn it.

I'll have to replay the show and get a video of that.

It's not the same.

What did they miss?

No wonder.

Well, everything since.

Anything good they missed?

Yeah, well, they missed the last, I don't know, whatever.

They missed a lot, probably.

Were there good calls?

The only good calls we've had in the last month?

All right.

Hack and Lose Pizza Pub in Illinois.

I want some more Christian bookstores, man.

Oh, it's fun.

What else can we talk about?

There's always Bible bookstores around where I live.

I must have played those Muslim calls that we had.

Type in Tennessee and Bible bookstores.

Tennessee, Bible bookstores, a lot of bookstores up there in Tennessee.

Oh, of course.

That place is busy.

We've got a liquor store in Detroit.

Let's try them.

True.

So, where do they are?

This guy's freezing up a little bit.

Aw, man, I was getting into this song.

Whoops, here we go.

I had backspaced an accident.

Okay, let's try N-Pope.

It's just a series of beeps.

This show's good when people answer the calls.

All right, the liquor store now.

Trying them again.

I need to take a break.

The cat needs some water, and I want a sandwich.

But I'll be back.

Don't worry, I'll be back.

I'll be back.

When we come back, we'll have more prank calls, I'm sure.

Send in those numbers, people.

I've got a whole log of them behind me

That I can pull from as well

Yeah, Bible bookstores would be nice

Whatever you got

We could call that Justin kid

That J-Rad sent us before

I don't know if J-Rad

I don't know if J-Rad noticed

But his friend Justin

That he had me print calling

that he was just mentioning a few seconds ago.

His calls that we did to him live on the air,

he made it to the podcast this last week, as a matter of fact.

He's sending in his number again, so we'll probably call that.

Well, there you go.

Well, there we go.

I'm trying to think.

We could call a few more Starbucks, I think.

I had some ideas for Starbucks.

Maybe we could do a conference call, call a few Starbucks all at once.

That's always fun to do.

Sometimes we have luck with that shit, sometimes we don't.

You know what I mean?

It just goes.

They can be confusing.

Send any requests to me in the chat room.

If you're not there now, go to madhouselife.com

Join the chat room

You can send it to myself, Tuck and Take

Those requests also, Nunu's in there also

Everyone in there is cool right now

It's all good

Oh, you ass

You sum of my bitch

Sum of my bitch

Actually, give me a second there

Hang on, I think I got Milkman calling

Anyway, I guess not

Alright, so we come back, we got some Starbucks to call

We got Justin to call over here

Brendan is sending a number for another Pope in Manchester

Rochester, religious places, religion.

We could talk about religion all night, gentlemen, if you want.

Hell yeah, I'm down for it.

Whatever you guys want, bro.

Whatever you guys want to do.

Give me about five minutes and Madhouse Radio will be back.

Thank you.

It's too late.

And I would ask that your precious one and restain this in the seas of God's forgetfulness,

never to be remembered against me.

The most mysterious books ever written is the Book of Revelation or the Apocalypse.

This book reveals the future of the world and your part in it.

The Book of Revelation, the last book in your Bible, features apocalyptic symbols and secrets.

House Radio.

Five.

Put your GPS in your box door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a tractor at the bottom.

Check the GPS and you go straight down.

House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We're behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

And I'm back.

Madhouse Radio for about another 45 minutes or so.

Tombstone putting in a number for Canadian Jehovah's Witness Airquarters.

They have a special translation of the Bible.

All right, let's give them a call.

Thanks.

He is a Jehovah's Witness.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Great jumping Jehovah.

Good evening, Jehovah's Witnesses.

Yeah, hi.

I want to ask you a question about the Bible.

May I put you on hold for a moment, please?

Why?

But why?

I asked him a question, bitch.

Aren't Jehovah's Witnesses, like, banned from Germany or something?

Oh, those are Scientologists.

Something like that.

Son's a famous witness.

All right.

Fucking cable again.

Damn it.

Herbal sending a number for Demos Diners and Donuts.

Hi there.

Thanks for holding.

They were supposed to have donuts, I think.

You know, the office is closed at 5.

Could you call back between 8 and 5?

What do you do there, though?

This is a reception desk.

Oh, you're a receptionist?

Yeah.

Yeah, I tried to call over there to see if there was someone still in the office, but they all left at 5.

But you don't know, you can't witness anything?

No, the questions are at between 8 and 5.

Wait a minute, though. You're supposed to be available to do witnessing any time, though.

That's what it says in the Bible.

Yeah, but I'm the switchboard operator, so I've got calls coming in constantly here.

Well, who's calling now?

Is there that many people calling in to the Jehovah's Witness?

Oh, yeah, this is a switchboard for 450 people.

Oh, so none of those 450 people can talk to me?

Well, between 8 and 5.

There's got to be someone. Come on. Please.

I'm lost. I'm lost.

I'm lost, and I'm scared.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm scared.

Okay, let me put you on hold and see if I can find somebody.

Please. No, he's got to.

I'll go with this Jehovah's

save him if he doesn't help me.

Yeah, Michael Jackson

Thompson is mentioning, yeah,

he was a Jehovah's Witness. I mean, I know

it was a fact. He converted

when he married Elisa Marie Presley, who was

was a famous witness one of the big ones well he grew up jehovah witness his mom and dad were

all right right that's true oh no i'm sorry she's a scientologist he started going to

scientology school uh church when they were married but you're right church school you're

right that is true i did see the movie on abc that vh1 plays all the time it's been a while

since they played it exactly thought the lego was one and he says no no vh1 plays every fucking

thanksgiving do they is that the thanksgiving yeah that's their alice's restaurant yeah

Yes, it's a big Thanksgiving movie.

That's VH1's house's restaurant.

The Jackson...

Isn't it like...

It's like 10 hours long.

It's like Roots.

Yeah, it was a big miniseries thing.

It was exactly...

Yes, yes, it was Roots.

It's the Roots of our age, of the 90s.

That's it.

The 90s Roots.

That's what it was.

Yeah, Lego's a Jew.

Come on, get out of here.

What do you think Lego is?

Let's give Lego a call while we wait here for the Jehovah's...

Jehovah's.

Everybody cried when they tied little Michael up to the lashes there and lashed him.

Yeah.

But they didn't end with anything really good because they ended with his hair caught on fire.

That was old shit.

And then they cut off his foot.

They cut off little Michael's foot.

Hey, what's up, Lego?

I'm doing a show live.

I just thought I'd say hi.

You came up in conversation.

You're a Jew, not a Jehovah's Witness, right?

Right?

You're Jewish.

But you're not practicing.

Hang on.

All right.

That's cool.

Did you get bar misfit and all that?

Nice, man.

That's cool.

Well, good, man.

God bless you.

Jesus loves you.

Nah, they don't love anybody except for their own.

Fags.

They are.

They're all super closeted.

Super, super.

You know, what do you think?

They're lighting a cross on fire.

It's like flaming.

Like, hello?

Obviously.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, everybody, if you don't know, Dr. Lego is writing an expose book.

Tells all about the KKK.

He infiltrated the Klan and is writing a tell-all book that's coming out, I don't

know when, in a few months, Lego.

Good luck with that.

I'll write the foreword for you if you want, all right?

There you go.

Gave for Jesus by Dr. Lego.

Look for it.

Of course.

We all respect him.

To you, he was a good Jewish boy, right?

He was just a nice Jewish kid.

Good point.

Well, I'm holding on the line with the Jehovah's Witness of Canada, so I'm going to let you go.

But, hey, your stuff's been on the rotation.

It's got a lot of good, positive vibes from it.

So thanks for sharing some pranks with the rotation.

All right, let me know when you put it on, man, and I'll update it.

All right, take it easy, buddy.

All right, man.

All right, you too, man.

Love you too.

Bye.

Love you.

Gay for Jesus.

That's Dr. Lego.

Y'all wanted him.

There you go.

Can you imagine Dr. Lego would possibly be able to infiltrate the fucking Klan?

Is there a Klan in New York?

There's got to be.

Oh, I'm sure there is.

They're everywhere.

There probably is a Klan in Hawaii.

That's a good thing.

Let's see.

Let's look up Kukla's...

Aaron Dillard has some hacker opened up at a little apartment somewhere.

Not in Hawaii.

Officially, I'm sure there is.

Let me look.

KKK in Hawaii.

Let's see.

Oh, yeah.

Hawaii, sure.

No.

it can't be the kkk in hawaii

Filipinos terrorized by secret organization.

What?

There's a story about it.

Let me see.

New York Times.

Ku Klux Klan in Hawaii.

Filipinos terrorized by secret organization of their countrymen.

That's one of those things you got to pay for.

You know how the Times started doing that now?

What a Rupert Murdoch.

He had a brilliant idea.

Oh, we'll make everybody pay to read our old articles.

Like, okay, sure.

I'm going to pay just because it came from the Times.

Or I can just go to...

The other 3,000 versions of the same story that's out there.

Yes, sir.

I'm going to pay for it.

All right.

The AP story that everyone else has in the print.

All right.

I'm going to play for the fucking Cadillac of it.

That's right.

That's a great business model right there.

Okay, we're not getting an answer here from the witnesses.

I'm tired of that.

That's a lot of wasted effort for nothing, huh?

Thank you, you witness.

Yeah, yeah.

Come on, we're fighting people.

There's a wedding.

I mean, you know, you got Malcolm Jackson and whatever here and there, but I mean, you know, as a, he was a rebel a lot.

A rebel.

Yeah, they're not, you know.

A rebel, a man who wanted to look like Peter Pan.

This is Canada Branch.

For the service in French, appuyez sur le camp.

Yeah, big rebel.

Our office hours are Monday through Friday.

Please hold for assistance.

Can help me help you?

Yeah, I was being transferred to someone because I need help.

And I needed someone to witness to me, but the gentleman has me on hold on the other line,

so I was calling to see if I could get someone else.

Right. He's trying to page the brother that has a pager to try to handle calls after hours,

and he's not responding.

Oh, Jesus, help me. I don't know what to do. I'm just going to forget it.

Don't worry. Just don't worry. I guess I don't need help.

I guess this is God's way of saying that I don't need help.

Thank you for nothing. Bye. Bye. You can say bye at least.

No, I was going to say, if you wanted, you could go to the local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses if you feel desperate.

There are Witnesses all across the country.

Where are you calling from?

I'm calling from Hawaii.

Hawaii?

Right.

And you're calling in the Canada branch?

Yeah.

This is the number that the embassy gave me.

Oh, because there's a branch in Hawaii that you can call, and there's brothers in Hawaii you can talk to there.

But I called the embassy.

The embassy can ask them for the local Witnesses, and you can go right to see them.

They said that they can't give me religious information that they referred me to this office here from my home country.

You're from Canada.

I'm from Toronto.

You're from Toronto.

So you are a witness?

No, no, I need help.

I've lost.

I've lost my wife.

I lost my money.

My wife left me.

You know, where's God?

I'm calling God's office here, God's representative from my country, and they're saying that I can only call from 8 to 5.

I'm just going to drink alcohol tonight.

I'm going to have unprotected sex, and I'm going to drink cigarettes with no filters on them.

You know what?

I'm just a switchboard operator, so just to be reasonable, that's not my role.

So we're trying our best to find someone.

If you want to go on hold again, I can try to page him.

But that's all I can do for you.

Aren't you a witness?

Do you want to hold?

Yeah, but aren't you a witness?

Aren't you supposed to be able to witness me or whatever?

Yeah, but I'm not supposed to do that on this duty because I have phone calls ringing constantly and I don't have time to do that.

I'm working on another assignment.

You know what I'm saying?

So there's other people getting transferred to people who are on the phone over there, right, you said?

I have to answer the phones when calls come in all evening so I can't handle my own personal calls because that's my job, right?

But I'm thinking the next time that someone calls and asks for an extension or person, put me through instead because you know that someone who's a witness is going to answer that.

It doesn't work that way.

Do you want to hold and I'll try again?

If you hold, I'll try again.

All right, but I'm saying if it doesn't work out, I'm just going to do harm to myself with alcohol.

Okay, you do what you want to do.

I'm going to put you on hold, okay?

Alcohol and drugs tonight.

One moment.

It's on you.

Thank you to everybody listening.

We have about 30 minutes left of show.

I'm calling a diner here.

Dino's Diner.

Is that their music again, or is this yours?

That's their music.

Fucker, don't get it twisted.

It's going to be in the background now.

Okay, go ahead.

Hello?

Okay, go ahead.

He's on the line.

Hello, ma'am?

Yes, ma'am.

Yeah, who am I speaking to?

Is this with a brother?

I'm sorry, what?

Yes?

Yes.

Okay.

I'm in Hawaii.

Okay.

And I checked into a hotel, and there was this Bible there that apparently they give for free.

And now I'm confused.

Why?

Because I started reading the Bible, and it talks about this Jesus who loved everybody and things.

What am I supposed to believe?

I don't understand.

They told me so much nice things about this.

They came to my door, they knocked on the door,

and they sat down with the Bible,

and they told me all these good things.

You mean Jehoshaphatises?

No, they were Christians or something.

Oh, okay.

But it flies in the face of everything that I learned as a witness.

Are you a witness?

Yes.

I haven't practiced in six years, but as a kid I went.

I haven't been since I was 19 to the congregation.

Well, why don't you try to contact the local branch in Hawaii?

They won't allow me to come in there anymore, they said.

They have a warrant against me.

Why is that for?

Because the last time I went in there, I got upset and I started crying,

and they asked me not to come back again.

And are you from the States or from Hawaii?

No, I'm from Canada, from Toronto.

Oh, from Toronto, I see.

And I was there last week, and I went to ask you for questions, and I have been drinking.

So if I understand, you're on vacation right now in Hawaii, right?

Well, I kind of showed up here to meet another person that I met on the Internet.

And then my wife found out, and I'm not allowed back in the house that I came from in Toronto.

And then this person threw me out in the street over here.

So I've been living on credit cards and money that I had in my savings account.

There's not too much we can do here at the branch.

What can God do? What do I do? I don't understand.

Your people are supposed to help me.

I've been paying my dues at this Jehovah's Witness place.

My family's been paying the money to the congregation that they were able to go to when I was a kid.

And according to the papers that they gave me, it says that we're supposed to support each other.

It says.

Well, usually it's the local elders that can help you.

If you can find a local congregation and go and talk to the elders, that's the best way you can do it.

But they won't talk to me.

They won't listen to me anymore.

Can you make a call on my behalf?

No, I don't think so.

Can I connect you with one of the elders now?

Can you explain that they just need to help me out, that I'm sorry, that you talked to me?

Sure.

You don't happen to have their phone number, do you?

No, no, no.

Hawaii is a different branch, so we have no...

Yeah, because you're from home.

You're from Canada, which is where I'm from.

That's right, yeah.

But, I mean, you'd be able maybe to put in a good word.

I mean, like say, hey, listen, this gentleman here, Garson, he's, you know, having trouble.

We cannot put a good word for you.

We don't know you.

No, but just try to explain...

How can you put a good word for me?

Because I'm a Jehovah's Witness, and I'm sorry.

Well, you convince the local elders.

But if I call, will you help me, like coach me through?

Could you be on the phone? I'll connect them right now.

I can do a three-way call. It'll be three seconds.

No, we can't help you, no.

Please, I beg you, please, in the name of God, please.

No, you just have to work your way through the local elders.

You ask the branch to meet with the local elders.

But do you think they'll listen to me?

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Maybe not the branch, but the local elders will.

There's not like some kind of book maybe

That they could add me to

That'll keep me from being able to get

No, no, no, we don't keep such a record

We don't keep such a record

Well, that's what I told

How to branch with the local elders

And talk to your local elders

And you think they'll be able to accept me?

Yeah, yeah

I mean, and they all have a local

I'm in Oahu

You have no idea who would be the person

That I could talk to?

Yeah, you try local elders

And is there like a specific type of elder

That I should ask for or talk about?

No, anyone, anyone, anyone.

But I thought you were supposed to give me assistance.

I mean, can't you, like, do a letter that says that I'm forgiven?

We can't even send a letter.

We don't know you.

We don't even know whether it's fellowship, approved, or we have no clue who you are.

So we can't pick you up.

But I'm a member.

I'm a member of the Jehovah's Witness.

Please, just tell them to let me back into the church so that I can get some help because you're not helping me out.

Yeah, and that's why the local elders will help you.

Ask the branch, where are the congregations?

Look at the closest congregation from where you are now, and you go and see your elders.

I'll be honest with you.

I don't think they're going to want to listen to me at all, ever again.

You have to try that.

You have to try it.

Because I'm trying to connect them now, but they won't even answer the phone.

I don't know.

You don't have any suggestions at all of what I could do?

No, I have no suggestions.

Sorry.

Can we pray together?

We don't know who you are, so I can't do that either.

Well, you can't pray with me.

No, I don't know if you're disfellowshipped.

I don't know who you are.

But what do you mean?

It doesn't matter if I'm not disfellowshipped.

Of course not.

Why would you accuse me of that, of such a thing?

No.

No, I say I don't know.

I didn't accuse you, but I don't know who you are.

Good morning, Kalani Assembly Hall.

Yes, hi.

Listen, I'm calling with the Association of Canadian Jehovah's Witnesses.

This is Garson de Bromelow, and he's speaking on my behalf.

Sir, are you there?

Hello?

Yes.

Go ahead.

There's a gentleman on the line here with the Canadian branch of Jehovah's Witnesses.

And he's calling on my behalf to authorize you to allow me into the assembly hall.

Okay, hold on one moment, please.

Thank you.

Sir, are you going to help out or what? I need help.

I'll try.

Okay, thank you.

So you're pretty high up there in the Witnesses, right?

Are you an elder?

Oh, yeah.

Good, that's good. Thank you for your help.

You see they got Hawaiian music here, isn't that funny?

Because we're in Hawaii right now.

Have you ever been to Hawaii?

I'm going to come for you right now.

Thank you, ma'am.

This is going to be the guy that I talked to before, and he said that I couldn't come in anymore.

Hello?

Yeah, hi, listen, this is Garson calling again, and I have the gentleman from the Canadian Witnesses.

Sir, can you say hello? Are you still on the line?

Yeah, I am.

Hello?

He's calling on my behalf.

He's giving authorization that I still have a fellowship and that I can still come into the assembly hall,

that they were not saying that I could not come in.

He's going to explain it all to you.

Go ahead, sir.

Okay, so look, I'm from the branch in Canada here, branch office.

So he phoned, and we don't know him.

We don't know who he is.

I don't know if his fellowship was approved or what.

I have no idea who he is.

He wants to get some help.

He's a Jehovah's Witness.

So our suggestion is if you could meet with a couple of elders and explain his situation.

And what I'm explaining is that the elders are refusing to see me

because of the situation of what happened with me at the Kingdom Hall.

Which elders would that be?

The elders in the Hawaii Jehovah's Witness Kingdom Hall, the Assembly Hall.

You mean the branch?

Yes, they said, don't you ever come here again,

and he called me son of a bitch and everything in front of all those people and women.

I doubt that very much.

No, he did.

He called me son of a bitch in front of all these people.

That's not the brother that's talking with you and me.

That might have been somebody else, but that's – which Kingdom Hall and which brother?

You have to tell me who, and then I can help you out.

I'm on vacation, the one in Hawaii, and then I just called now the directory services.

Okay, there's a hundred congregations in Hawaii.

Oh, get out of here.

Get out of here.

You see what I mean?

The brother from Canada knows.

Now he sees what I mean.

I'm from Canada, and you're discriminating against me.

No, no, no.

Listen.

He agrees.

Brother, let me talk, please.

Look, we are not discriminating.

Nobody knows who you are, and no elders would be vulgar against anybody else.

I don't believe that at all.

So they must have a reason why they said you should leave the premises.

But what I'm saying is I can help you if you give me the address of the kingdom hall you were attending.

It was in Oahu.

Okay, on Oahu.

So there's 57 congregations on this island.

Oh, my goodness.

There's four full circuits of Jehovah's Witnesses, over 6,000.

and there's almost 9,000 witnesses in the state.

Had over 20,000 at the memorial last year statewide.

Wow, beautiful.

So what I'm saying is we'd love to help you,

but I need to know the specifics of the situation

and why someone would give you that direction.

Whatever was said, that's between you and them.

I don't know what happened.

I wasn't there.

Listen, I left.

We'd like to help.

Are you in Oahu now?

Yes.

Well, I'm on the streets now.

You see, I'm from Toronto,

and then I left my wife to go be with another person,

know I got involved with on the internet. And then she found out and she told me I'm not allowed back.

And then Jehovah's, the kingdom hall that I'm from, that assembly hall called and said never to come

back either. They said that I wasn't welcome. So then I went for help at the Jehovah's Witness

Kingdom Hall in Oahu. And I started crying and I was upset. And there was words exchanged and one

man was going to hit me, he said. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and everything. There was a woman

who took off her earrings

because she wanted to fight me

and then the brother over there

called me son of a bitch

and he said that

he could call the police

and that they would come

and they could never come back

he said never come back again

he said

anywhere he said

you don't know if that was an elder though

well I don't know

you don't know if that was somebody at the hall

it was rude nasty people

as far as I know

I've been decommissioned

but what kingdom hall was that

the one in Oahu

where

Waikiki

Palilo

Haleiwa congregation

Palavo

Bravo or something, Palo Alto, I don't know, I don't know.

Do you remember how you got there?

Did you walk?

Did you go by bus?

The man who paid for my plane ticket to come over here, his wife found out and he kicked me out now.

So I've been living in a hotel and I'm almost out of money and all I'm asking is for some, I'm not asking for money.

I just want some counseling on what to do.

But now they've threatened me, they said they call me son of a bitch and everything.

everything so that i called canada the canada um branch and they put me through this man and i

told him what was going on and he said he was going to defend me that absolutely not that he

was taking my case that he was going to speak on my behalf and that you were that he said that

that you all had to listen to what he says because he's an elder like that's a higher rank is what

he told me and i think now maybe he's changing his story i don't even know if he's on the phone

I think he's still there.

Canada man.

Once you're here, yeah.

But he's over you, sir.

I was drinking when I went into the witness hall, and now they said that I can't come back.

You were drinking.

But I was drinking because I was upset because I left my wife, and then she left me, and then my mistress left me, and I had nothing.

And when that took place, you met with the brothers there in Canada, in Toronto?

No.

So my suggestion here from the Canadian branch, when you come back to Canada, you go to the congregation where your wife was and talk to your elders and see what they can do to help you with you and your wife.

Right now, we are not able to help you because we don't know you.

The brothers in Hawaii don't know you.

We don't know you either.

We don't know who you are.

Sir, here's what I'm thinking.

We could do it.

This is what I can promise the brother in Hawaii.

Are you there, brother in Hawaii?

Yeah.

on behalf of me, the Canadian branch here,

this gentleman is going to authorize a fellowship for your kingdom hall.

I don't know how much you want to agree on, sir.

I don't know how much is available.

They'll do a fellowship on my behalf so that you can allow me back in.

What I'm asking is, did you meet with the brothers in Canada?

Your elder body in Canada.

They're on the phone now.

No, no, no.

He doesn't know you.

I'm talking about the elders in the congregation you were baptized with.

Yeah, they won't talk.

Brother, I think he's inactive.

Yeah, so how long ago were you in that congregation?

And when you met with them, what was the end result of that meeting?

Well, ever since I started going to Berkeley in California, I stopped going to Kingdom Hall,

and then I dropped out because of some academic dishonesty thing,

and I don't want to get into it, and I went back home to Canada.

No, I see, but was that five years ago, two years ago, ten years ago?

How long have you been away from the congregation?

I'm 24 now, and the last time I went to a congregation was, oh, when I was 19.

It was right after, it was my first break after I left for college.

I see, and you were married, and then there was mistakes, whatever happened.

But the brothers, what happened with those elders that you met with in Canada?

You didn't meet with them, you just left?

They called me and they threatened me, and they said if I ever showed up again in town,

that they were going to take me out.

Okay, but you never met with them.

Because I had relations with a man, and don't tell anybody about this.

And you never met with them, you just left.

Well, I can't go back. I haven't been back yet. They won't let me. They said I can't step foot in town anymore. They said I can't. Don't dare show my face.

Well, that's not the case. But whoever you heard that from, that's not the case. But you never met with any of the elders.

The elder from Canada will let you know this is how they are in Canada. They're very serious about this. But he's calling to get a fix. He got it fixed up already. And he said that he'll give you guys a grant, maybe a few thousand dollars Canadian to your kingdom hall so that you'll accept me back. Right, sir?

you said that, right?

Never in my life.

Where did you ever dream that?

Because I've been paying

into these dues

for Jehovah's Witnesses

and I think it's like insurance.

We don't pay dues.

No, no.

You need to help me.

No, you need to help me.

So that's what I'm trying to do,

but you're not being logical right now.

No, he needs to help me.

He needs to help me out

and get back into the Jehovah's Witness.

When you come back from a vacation,

come back to Canada,

go to your congregation

where you used to belong

John, before when you were 19 years old, talk to your elders and tell them you'd like to be helped by the elders.

But right now, there is nothing the Hawaiian brothers can do or we can do here from Toronto.

Well, you can reinstate me is what you can do, and then this trouble will be over.

Somebody reinstate me.

Well, you're not disfellowshipped.

I command you to reinstate me.

You're not disfellowshipped if you never met with the brothers.

Well, if I'm not disfellowshipped, then what's this all about?

Then I'm totally mistaken then.

Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.

I don't understand.

If you never met with them, did they give you any paperwork?

Did they write you a letter with certified mail?

No.

Yeah, they've never met with you.

They've never been able to even apply scriptural counsel on your behalf.

You've never even heard the reasons why you should change your life course.

Maybe that's why you're acting the way you are now.

Son of a bitch.

You know what I mean?

Wow.

God damn it.

Son of a bitch.

We don't have to take that.

Son of a bitch, right?

We don't have to.

We don't need that.

That's what I'm saying.

Us Canadians don't need that.

Not you people talking like that just because you're from the United States.

No, no.

I agree with the brother from Canada.

We don't need this.

We don't need your charity.

Look, I'm confused now.

I don't understand the last four statements you've made.

They're nonsensical.

I'm writing up a report on the Hawaiian Jehovah's Witnesses right now.

I'm going to file it with the gentleman in Canada who's on the line.

Okay.

So you're wanting help, but then you're not really listening to what we're trying to explain to you.

All right.

What were you trying to say?

I'm sorry.

I don't know where you're at.

Are you in Honolulu?

Are you in Waikiki?

Oahu.

Is this the number you can be reached at?

This is my cell phone.

So you can be reached at, and this is a local number, 808 area code?

Yeah, that's right.

No, this is my cell phone.

It's not 808 area code.

It's my cell phone from home from Canada.

So it's elicited as a local number on my readout.

So what would your number be?

Because I'll be more than happy to contact you and do what we can to get you reattached to the congregation where you're from.

Yeah, but what I'm concerned about with is what people are going to say after these actions.

I'm trying to secure some help from Canada, and my own countrymen don't want to help me out.

Countrymen?

I'm Canadian, sir. I'm not American. I'm not just American. I'm a Canadian.

Yeah, yeah, no, I understand, but that's sort of irrelevant for Jehovah's people.

That's what I thought until this phone call.

This is the number you can be reached at, though?

I'm trying to figure out exactly.

Well, I'm trying to get allowed back into the Kingdom Hall.

I want to get back on a good footing here, and I'm doing everything I can to keep my wits about me,

But you're not telling me which Kingdom Hall you were at where there was the problem.

The one in Canada.

No, no, no.

You said it was here.

Toronto.

The one in Oahu.

I don't understand how it's so hard to understand Oahu.

Well, there's, like I said, there's a lot of Kingdom Halls.

It's on Pele'u Street, something like that.

And how did you get up here?

You took the bus?

My rental car.

I don't have a rental car anymore.

It's gone now.

I ran out of money.

How long ago did that happen?

Two weeks ago.

And it was here at the Kingdom Hall?

At the Kingdom Hall in Pele'u.

Okay.

And you don't know who it was that spoke with you?

I spoke to several people there.

I don't know.

I can't keep track of all this.

Because I know some of the folks from that congregation.

I'm just wondering, you know, what was the reason why?

A rude man.

A rude man who rolled up his sleeves and everything.

I just, I don't know.

Was it during a circuit event as well?

No.

Is it a regular-sized Kingdom Hall?

What kind of building?

What did you notice about the building?

It was a regular-sized building.

I don't know what else to say.

Kingdom Hall.

Beautiful building.

Beautiful structure.

Looked pretty new to me.

Or at least well-kept.

I can see a lot of money flowing in here.

How did you get up to the Kingdom Hall itself?

What did you do to get into the Kingdom Hall?

I drove in a car.

I was drinking.

I mean when you got to the facility.

I was drinking, sir.

I don't remember much.

Did you get in an elevator?

Did you take the stairs?

No, I took stairs.

It took me some time to get up the stairs.

I'm pretty sure there were stairs involved, yes.

Okay, because I'm trying to see if you were at the right facility that I'm thinking of.

You think I might have been right next door?

Maybe I wasn't even in a Kingdom Hall.

No, I think you probably were, but you're not saying the name right.

but I'm not sure which one.

There's one in Palolo.

It said Jehovah's Witness Palolo.

There's a Halava, and there's a Haleiwa.

See, all the names out here are quite similar.

Oh, Jesus.

So what's your name?

Garson DeBromolo.

I'm a UFC fighter.

Oh, yeah.

What's your record?

I haven't fought yet.

Oh, you're training.

I've been training in Florida for quite some time now.

I'm trying to fight out of Toronto.

But then again, I got into relations with a man,

so what's that going to do for me now?

Well, I'm banned.

Banned from the sport.

Canada man, are you still there?

Yeah, I'm sitting here.

You're a traitor.

I want to point out that the man from Canada is a traitor.

You have a local number here.

If I call this number back, you'll pick up?

Oh, I know.

Look, listen, I'm calling you from the hotel room.

You want a number you can call me back at?

You ready to copy it down?

Yeah.

That's a Canadian cell, but the same.

No, no, no.

Well, yeah, it is a Canadian cell.

I thought you meant Hawaii.

But the other question I had is what time were you at the Kingdom Hall?

I was drinking in the middle of the afternoon.

I know it made a point not to start drinking until it was after 12.

Okay, and let me have your name one more time.

Garson DeBromo.

Sometime, let's say probably around 7.30, 7.30 p.m.

Okay, so I don't know which kingdom hall that is or anything,

but I was going to mention a couple of my friends that are in those congregations that have similar names,

and then I can get back in touch with you.

Yeah, that could touch me.

And you got to, I mean, just let me back in, please.

702-608-3664.

I can call you back at that number any time today.

Yeah, just make sure you give me a call back. It's urgent and important.

Okay, Garson, thanks for the call.

Thanks.

And I don't know if you're still on the line with the Canadian brother.

Yeah, I'm still here, yeah.

Well, basically...

Thank you very much for looking after it.

Yeah, and what the brother's saying, Garson, is for there to be real spiritual help,

you really do need to go back to where the problem initiated.

You know, if you can't, then definitely we'll try to provide it here for you here in Hawaii.

I should go back to the homosexual man's house?

No, no, no. I mean, we don't know the situation, so we at least have to ask them.

You know, I think that maybe you've sort of, like, on your own merit, felt that you didn't qualify and just disappeared.

It doesn't sound as if you've ever received any scriptural counsel about the matters you just discussed.

So I should go back to that man's house that I came to?

No, no, I'm not talking about here locally.

I'm talking about the initial problem you had back in five years ago when you were 19 or 20.

Now, we want to help. We want you to be part of the congregation.

Don't, you know, whatever happened between you and certain individuals, that's neither here nor there.

Your take on it might be a little bit jaded, though, if you're admitting to me that you were drinking the whole time.

I don't remember half of it.

Maybe the devil was talking to me through that fire water.

You know how it is.

Yeah, so my whole point, though, is, you know, don't be overly critical, overly negative.

We do want to help.

You know, if we didn't want to help, the brother from Canada and I wouldn't be on the phone with you right now.

Well, thank goodness.

Thank you for that.

Do you agree to that?

So let me make a couple phone calls.

I'll try to locate the Kingdom Hall or something like that might have happened here locally.

But we're not going to immediately just handle everything.

We have to be in touch with those who initially tried to help you.

I agree.

And if you just sort of disappeared or fell off the face of the earth, so to speak,

there still is a way for you to get back to the congregation.

But I'm sorry.

You don't understand how sorry I am.

I'm sorry I did that to you guys.

Yeah, but rest assured, there is a way for you to come back to the organization.

Sometimes we're our own worst critic.

I'll work part-time whatever it takes

whatever it takes to get back in

I'll do it

but it has nothing to do with money

it has nothing to do with any of those things

your return to the congregation

is a real personal thing between you and Jehovah

and the elders and their arrangement is

we're there to help

so don't immediately be overly critical

when you finally get some help

and really I respect the brother from Canada too

for being patient and kind too

so I'll be in touch with you sometime today

okay

thank you very much

They don't shut up even when you're on the phone with them,

just like when they come to your house.

Jesus, shut up.

are like that aren't they all right that was cool

herbal bacon sending me information yeah i had a whole list we learned our lesson i heard i had a

whole list of the akinahals in oahu but i didn't want to give him one because he was he's he's on

some goose chase now might give him something to do how does yeah yeah yeah well good on you man

Man, look at you.

You actually gave them something to do.

What's with a 450-person place in Canada, you know?

Jehovah's Witness headquarters.

Good God.

That's some serious shit.

I don't trust that at all.

You ask me, they should send some fucking, uh, the Mounties in there or something.

Check it out.

Plant some bugs.

They're up to no good.

Yeah.

Asking me, I thought he was trying to trip me up.

That's where your secret societies clearly are at.

Who went in a fight?

the Jehovah's Witnesses

or the fucking

the Freemasons

let me know

share your thoughts

Madhouse Radio

got five minutes

left to show here

I'll try one more

prank call

see what else

came in in the meantime

keep in mind

the request a prank

form is back

in the chat room

if you're at

Madhouse Live

forward slash chat

or if you're clicking

the chat link

over in the front

Madhouse Live

dot com page

we got an easy

to fill out form

and nobody has used it

thank you assholes

Freemasons would win

Andy says

As Atomic asked me to call the Freemasons, that's one thing I will not do.

I don't want to get killed.

Freemasons in a massacre.

Hell yeah.

They got tools.

They're Freemason tools.

I don't know if I ever talked about it.

I went to a funeral once, and the guy was a Freemason, and they had the Freemasons come up for the funeral.

They did some really weird shit.

They had some, like, they were, like, talking.

The guy came out, and he spoke at the podium in the fucking, where the service was, you know.

know he put on this hat like he was one of the blues brothers and he started saying you know

since the beginning of blah blah blah when we created the pyramids and i was like what the

fuck are you talking about and and they came out they had these pole things and they put them

together to make a triangle and they did these prayers but they were the weirdest fucking thing

ever and it was weird because the guy's funeral he was like this redneck from florida and he only

got in through like favors of a friend like you know it was one of those things where you know

And one of his friends was like, oh, hey, they're a big hoss.

I want you to be a Freemason.

He went to maybe like five or six meetings.

And he had money, so I think he gave him some money and shit.

So they just sit around playing cards, actually,

as all those little clubs like they do.

I don't know.

But it was like a redneck family that was there.

And they're all like, what the fuck is this?

You know?

What the fuck is this?

And it's funny because it was my ex-girlfriend.

And one of the guys, it was her grandfather that died.

So he had said in his will that he wanted to have the Freemasons at his funeral.

So they had him out there, and he hadn't been to the Freemasons for, I don't know, like 10 years at that point.

He was totally not involved, and it was like this redneck kind of family, and it was the weirdest thing ever.

And at the same time, the guy had fought in, Andy will be able to tell us, and I forget because I'm drawing a blank,

the big island invasion in World War II, Guadalcanal.

He fought in Guadalcanal.

he was a marine and uh one of the brother-in-laws of his was like a marine also and he's like well

he told me on his deathbed that he wanted to have a marine funeral i'm gonna call the marine local

marine office myself and i'm like okay whatever ass i'll just do it so the marines came out also

and they did their trumpet thing and there were these two marines and uniforms and they gave the

flag to the grandma and all that and and they were like standing around watching all this weird like

like gay-looking Freemason triangle stick poles and weird prayers

and the guy looking like Belushi from the –

and they're like looking around like, what the hell is this?

You know, it was so awkward.

So it was a combination military Freemason funeral.

Good times, good times.

And then we had Mexican food after that.

That was such a weird day and a weird relationship.

Hey, we're out of time.

Look at that.

Everybody, hey, I chatted it up.

Chatty Nancy over here.

Tuck, you got any plans for shows?

You got any plans for shows this weekend or later on this week until the next show we do here?

Maybe.

I don't know.

We'll see.

I've got a phone card.

I was planning on that, but I need to do more planning and get some numbers.

Yeah, I need to talk to you about getting back into that e-mail thing that you gave me over the weekend.

Yeah, I've got a whole bank of phone numbers that we can prank on online.

I'll share that.

up you know how i always talk about the big board i'm going to set up a big board that we can all

post on when we get ideas or you know the big board all right so i'm going to be going up to

sam's now herbal bacon doesn't want me to go but i have to i'm contractually obligated to my wife

i got a i got a horse's carriage tuck all right so uh last week we we

all right i don't know where we're gonna do the we're gonna do the

do a show next week i don't know when be sure to watch madhouse live.com it'll be on there on the

countdown on the page and on the twitter and facebook all that information is at madhouse

live.com be sure you're checking that out um be a new podcast update this weekend and uh more

starting to become more active here trying to promote the show times and stuff i saw a lot of

people showed up this afternoon so thank you all i'm gonna get better at this thing we're coming

Coming around, Tuck.

All right, we'll catch you next week.

Thank you, everybody.

Check y'all niggas.

Show some love.

Us niggas don't know how long we're going to be here.

Feel me?

So enjoy this shit and enjoy yourselves.

And then we out of here.

Hit me.

Karen speaking.

How can I help you?

Hi there, Karen.

Are you in there regularly on Sundays?

Me personally?

Yes.

Most.

Not always.

Calls (13, 53 min of 1 h 37 min)

Transcript

Comments 0