Kaks Teist Kuud

Turn around, pull your pants down, and then make like a big shit.

Oh, please, you're a fucking jerk.

Make a big shit.

Cox tastes good.

Cox is good?

Cox tastes good.

Cox?

Wait a minute, how do you?

Cox tastes good.

Who the fuck is this?

The fuck, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Alrighty, is I, Carlito, back?

I always come back when I promise I'm gonna come back.

I do come back.

Like other people around here.

As I said already, my name is Carlito.

I'm your host for tonight.

This is October the 6th, 10 p.m. Eastern.

It is, well, it's actually 10.22 p.m. Eastern.

Ha, look at that.

I said I'm going to start on time, bitch, and 20 minutes into the time I'm supposed to start.

So now we've got to go until 1.20 a.m. Eastern.

Three hours of show is my goal for tonight.

Thank you, everybody who's listening live, anybody who ends up listening to this on the podcast.

Thank you for being a subscriber to all your friends.

If you send your request to me here tonight, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger,

over at Madhouse Radio again.

Madhouse Radio is my screen name.

Here to the studio if you want to send me your request tonight

on AOL or Yahoo.

MSN Messenger users, madhouseatlive.com.

Be sure to visit madhouselive.com, our home page.

We've got our chat room there kicking.

A lot of people in the chat room right now.

Thank you everybody for doing it to it.

You can be in there as well.

Click on the chat link or just go to madhouselive.com forward slash chat.

Do we have to say forward slash anymore?

more. Aren't we just supposed to say slash now?

Have we gotten to that point yet?

Because I can't tell you the last time I had to

tell someone to use backslash. I couldn't

tell you. I don't know when it was.

Lonesome Loser should be joining

us here a little later tonight. I understand

that Milkman is here with us in some form or

fashion. I don't know if his microphone's in. Milkman,

are you there? Milkman coming back from

gender reassignment surgery and he

is not answering yet. Milkman, when you got

your microphone in, let me know.

Actually, he's not there anymore. He was there. Let's give him

a call on the old

old uh the old back line over here the red line yet yeah i can hear you hear me all right okay

i'm just gonna i'm gonna have to mute my microphone or something here okay well i already

muted you just in case so it's okay it's my it's my end it's my end i'll get it we'll get a fix

we'll figure it out together right we'll figure it out another day weekend or something tomorrow

or something let's do this here for now anyway so we are alive we got that little uh audio problem

on there, taken care of.

It only took two and ten minutes.

Milkman, you're probably not going to be able to hear this, though.

This sucks.

But what you do, remember how we used to do back in the day

when you used to have to be on the phone?

Just go back to your laptop while I play this.

Madhouse Secret Source.

I got headphones.

Huh?

You got headphones on?

I put on the headphones.

It's just very distorted.

Okay.

All right.

Well, just listen to, well, yeah, this stream will take a while.

All right.

But listen, I got audio here from our Secret Source, The Arm.

We haven't heard from him in a while.

Crazy fucker made it on the Rush Limbaugh show.

I'm not kidding you.

He actually made it on the heat of it.

You know who Rush Limbaugh is, you know, a conservative radio host, angry guy.

A blowhard. He's a major blowhard, lying piece of sack of shit.

That's right.

And then, you know, Crazy Fucker, he's made a lot of appearances on our show.

Crazy, uh, crazy guys.

He's that weird Republican that always comes on, they're screaming.

He's a super conspiracy, big-time Alex Jones fan, that kind of guy, you know, he's a truther.

Yeah, he's right.

Hates everything and everybody.

Super Republican.

Yeah, well, we say that, and he gets really pissed off.

But here we go.

I'm going to play this eight-minute song.

I'm going to not play at all.

But this is Crazy Fucker.

I actually made it on the Rush Limbaugh show.

He's been on Alex Jones a few times.

But this is the latest audio from our good friend Crazy Fucker from California.

All right, Salem, Oregon.

Bob, glad you called.

You're up next to the EIB network, sir.

Hello.

Yeah, what country did your forefathers come from?

What country did my forefathers come from?

Yeah.

They're a mixture of the Dutch and English.

Then why the hell don't you get your ass back over there?

It seems like I listen to your ass all the time.

And you know what?

You need to go back over there and live, not here.

You're running our country in the ground.

I?

You're running Obama, who's trying to do something good.

Wait a second.

You're pulling people.

Bob.

And now you rich bastards like you've got now.

Bob.

What?

I am running the country into the ground?

Yeah, you are.

What have I done, Bob?

How have I made you...

You're constantly on Obama.

Constantly.

Because he's black?

No.

Is that why?

What's he got to do with it, either?

That's got nothing to do with it.

You guys come over here and took over our country.

Oh, you're an Indian.

That's right.

And I'm a white guy, right?

I was raised and everything, and my whole family was here.

All my forefathers went back to when before the white men settled on the pilgrim over there.

You know, the pilgrim in Plymouth.

Sturdily, thank you for finding this guy.

Bob, you're a godsend.

I mean, you have just made my point.

You sound like Helen Thomas, who said the Jews ought to go back home.

And now you're telling me I need to go back home.

You're saying the white guys came over here and destroyed the country.

That's exactly what Obama thinks.

No wonder you support Obama.

See, this is exactly what I mean.

Yeah, and you run him in the ground when he tries to do something for the poor people.

Oh, he is.

What's he done for the poor people, Bob?

Well, what has he done?

He's got health care for everybody.

I've got a brother-in-law who's Indian.

Yeah, Bob, come on.

I've got a girlfriend who's not, but she's got insurance for nothing because they don't have a job.

You know what?

They can't find a job because he's Indian.

Nobody on hire?

Now, what are you going to say about that?

Huh, Rich?

Bob, I feel sorry for you.

No, you feel sorry for me.

I don't need your sorry, pretty-ass shit.

Well, you got it.

Anyway, Bob, don't bleep him.

This is your average Obama supporter,

and I think people need to hear average Obama supporters.

No, you're turning it around.

I'm not a supporter of Obama.

I'm just saying the man is trying,

and you're saying he's not doing nothing.

Oh, he's got to just love this,

and he wants everybody to love him,

and all this kind of garbage.

That's bullshit.

Bob, here's the thing.

Obama's destroying health care for everybody,

and he's pricing it out of everybody's existence.

That's the truth.

He's done nothing but make more and more people poor

by eliminating jobs in this country.

There are fewer jobs to be had.

The economic activity has slowed down to virtually nothing.

Bob, I...

I think Bush and them did that shit

when they sign that TURFTA or NEFTA or whatever the hell it is with Mexico.

Send them bastards, every one of them, back.

I don't care if they're born here or not.

Send their ass back here and let them have their own country to run.

That more than likely wasn't really crazy fucker,

but that sounds just like the crazy guy.

Milkman, you heard that, right?

There are some differences in the voice.

Obviously not him, but a very good eye.

And it was a good submission by the arm,

but I think the arm did not come through again.

But, yeah, that guy sounds like Crazy Fucker, right?

Crazy Fucker.

Let me play some of that audio from Crazy Fucker where we called him a Republican.

He got very mad at us.

So those of you who are new to the show might...

Crazy Fucker, you're on the air.

What's going on?

That is the same dialogue.

Okay, let me turn down this audio here on this repeat.

I'm on this faggot Jew station called Syndicate Radio TV.

Yeah, I mean, crazy fucker would be way angrier than the guy that called Rush, to be honest with you.

But we continue.

Don't even let me into the fucking chat room.

Yeah, well, if you mess up, dude, that's true.

What do you mean mess up?

What did you do?

You talking about freedom of speech, man?

What happened?

I guess if you're talking about freedom of speech, I messed up, you know?

I messed up.

If you're talking about freedom of speech, I guess because I speak freedom of speech,

I messed up in that faggot Jewish syndicate radio, TV, flash, faggot, Howard Stern, dirty piece of shit, motherfucking cocksucker.

Crazy fucker checking in from California.

So you've been banned again at this point for your, I mean, do they say it's your being annoying?

Are they afraid of the truth?

No, man.

What do you think it is?

No, man.

It ain't nothing like that, man.

It's like what you voted for.

You voted for Obama, right?

Well, yeah, I got to vote for somebody.

So now you're going to find out that you're going to be censored, too.

Oh, come on.

Censor.

Well, really.

Really.

You Republicans, with all your talk about it, you're going to be censored.

You Republicans.

What are you talking about?

We all know you're like one of the strongest Republicans.

Dude, I've never voted in my life.

I've never voted in my life.

These Republicans, Milkman, call in like crazy fucker.

And they're like, oh, Obama's going to do this.

And he's going to do Gestapo.

What are you guys going to do?

Why don't you tell your boy Rush Limbaugh?

I've never voted in my life.

That's not what I have.

You're a crazy fucker.

I said tell your boy Rush Limbaugh.

Look at that, Milkman.

That's the fucking ironic moment of the night.

I just said that to him.

Hey, you hear?

That's T.

I told you that's his buddy.

I think it was

Crazy Fucker everybody

I think we got the proof

right there Milkman

we need to get a

Crazy Fucker section

I was going through

some old archives

and Hollywood has

a lot of them

that he's going to be

uploading here

to the Madhouse

VIP server

Milkman

and there's a lot of

Crazy Fucker audio

in there

I'm thinking

been discussing

with some people

people about uh you know doing some edits to old manhouse i think that might be a good target

um isolating all the crazy fucker already we can find to just give him a section maybe just

maybe just start releasing crazy fucker stuff because he used to go off for like a half hour

you know back in the day crazy fucker man once you got started yeah yeah you could not get him

to start he sucked the prank calls but the guy was cool anyway he gets that box of cheap wine

he was telling me about remember you say you got that cheap box of wine you drink that and

and he put water and some kind of soda in it

and made it, like, double.

I think it was MD-4040.

Wasn't it Mad Dog 4040 or some kind of rose kind of thing?

Something like a box of wine or some shit like that.

Yeah, he was buying it at the dollar store,

and then he was mixing it, like, a third water

and a third Welch's grape juice.

And, yeah, that was a very effeminate drink.

Crazy fucker.

He's listening right now.

Maybe he might be listening to this out there somewhere.

But, yeah.

I got audio that I talked about last week, a 911 call where the guy killed these people

that were breaking into his neighbor's house.

But in the meantime, I think we've got to do a prank call and get it warmed up.

The first prank call is usually on record, on average, although not as much lately here, Milkman.

You've missed some shows, and we'll talk about why you're missing here shortly.

But usually on average, the first prank call is a throwaway.

Sometimes it's good, but it just gives me a chance to warm up.

milkman we're thinking about uh we discussed opening up the the bridge the conference line

for people to call in at the last hour of the show maybe in about two two hours or so uh so

look out for that um lonesome loser should be here in the next 30 minutes at that point uh he

hopefully will be helping us out submitting some numbers he's pretty good at that we got the

lonesome loser log i got some requests here from last week we didn't get to uh brendan's here new

new news here. All gentlemen who are very

good at confirming numbers for us.

Part of the Madhouse confirmation posse.

I guess we should call them.

I ain't joined the chat. I don't have IRC

in now, so I'm not trying to...

Go to... Alright, listen, Milkman.

You want to join the chat. Perfect opportunity for people

who are listening but not chatting right now.

There's more of you listening than are chatting right now.

So if you're listening, no reason why you shouldn't head over

to MadhouseLive.com.

Click on the chat link right there. There's a button

that says chat. Or you can just go to

MadhouseLive.com forward slash

chat. There's a chat room

right there in the browser, Milkman. It's a Java client

and you can watch me.

I think I'm in.

Let me see. Yeah, I see Nuno in there.

I think I'm in the right room. Alright, I got you.

There you go. There you go, Milkman. You figured it out.

Good work. Yeah. So you gotta love

that. Isn't that a great page?

Hey, Milkman, there's a poll in there.

Vote in that poll. There's a poll in there.

I'm going to be doing a new poll

every week or two

just to poll the audience, get some ideas

DS from you guys.

This week is

how do you get

your Madhouse Spaces?

How do you get

your Madhouse Spaces

put there?

What's the most

common way?

Do you get it

from the podcast?

Do you go to the forums?

Do you just go to the site?

I'm just trying to

bolster up how we do

stuff around here,

so give us a high end.

Go over to

madhousesite.com

chat.

We are known for

being the most

interactive show

on the internet.

One of them,

one of them.

We are pretty interactive.

We're the most

interactive prank call

related show.

That's what I'm

talking about.

Is there anything else?

Well, yeah.

There's some other stuff.

There's a web show, Milkman One Time,

that Andy sent me a secret code to, I think.

And he got it for like 30 minutes or something.

And his website has like a live morning show,

but it's with porno women.

And it was this old lady who was maybe in her early 40s, late 30s,

and she'd been in the porn business for a while.

She looked a little ragged already,

but she still had the tits and stuff like that.

But she was old.

You know, she was definitely in the milk category.

Yeah, she's been turned down.

And there was another younger one, but she had a long horse face.

But she was, like, in her 20s.

And I was in there.

I was chatting.

And I said, hey, it's the horse face at Old Broad Show.

And they banned me.

And they banned me from the chat, but I could still see the video.

And they chastised me.

And I was scrambling.

God, I wish I could record this audio.

And I was scrambling to get my audio ripper opened.

And I forgot what it was.

But the quality, it was unhearable the way I recorded it.

It will work.

Yeah, yeah, like it.

Yeah, but then I actually apologized, and they let me back on,

and they said, that's okay, we love you.

Because, you know, they're stripper girls, you know.

I bet you know I would have been funny on that call.

That was a chat room thing.

You probably know, sir.

That was a chat room thing, sir.

All right, so, as I said, let's do a prank call right quick.

Let's break the ice.

We've got City Kebab in San Francisco

The former home of the Milkman

Not anymore, now he lives

We'll talk about that later

It's a secret, it's all in the story

About what happened to Milkman the last few weeks

A very interesting story

A little later on also we're going to have Evil Artie

He's going to be joining us today

He has some women that he's been involved with

With Milkman

He's going to be talking to us about that

Milkman, remember, if I hang up on accident

I'll call you right back

Is this the kebab place over there?

Yeah, it used to be a kebab place.

We added pizza and sandwich on it.

So you got pizza and sandwiches?

Yeah, on the kebab and shawarma.

All right, I'll take the pizza sandwich, please.

So what do you like to have?

Pizza sandwich.

Like sub-pizza or pizza and sandwich?

No, you said they got the pizza sandwich there.

I'll take the number two pizza sandwich.

Like, yeah, you mean the...

Over easy.

The sub-sandwich?

The pizza sandwich, it says here in the paper that this is a pizza sandwich.

Let me just double-check.

Oh, Jesus, man.

You know, it talks about this in the papers.

It was in the papers.

What are the pizzas?

What papers do you have there?

I got the Frisco pizza.

Yeah, that's the one.

Okay.

The pizza, it's a pizza sandwich.

It's a sandwich like a pizza.

Oh, yeah, we call it the sub sandwich.

That's what you're talking about?

What you put inside the sub sandwich.

Oh, yeah, yeah, pizza sub, pizza sub.

Patroni, salami, and marina sauce, and chicken, and cheese, right?

You make it.

I want you to take the bread.

Okay.

But is the bread, like, do you have a flour, like a flat flour kind of bread you can make in, like, a circle?

We have, like, a bread, the white flour, regular flour.

All right.

All right, so I want you to mix the flour with some water until it becomes like a dough,

and then, like, make a big circle with it, and then what did you say is in the sub, the pizza sub?

Marinar sauce, like pizza sauce.

All right, so put that, and what else you got?

We got pepperonis, salami, and marinar sauce and cheese.

Okay, like provolone or what kind of cheese?

Mozzarella.

Mozzarella, all right, good, perfect.

Perfect. So, all right, I want you to mix flour and water, make a circle,

and then put all the stuff in the pizza sub on top of that, just cover it all over.

So you want me to make you regular pizzas, right?

No, I want you to make the pizza sub with that dough like that.

Like, so if I make it like this, we call calzone.

No, but I don't want it to be folded over. I want it flat, like a flat bread sandwich.

Flat sandwich?

Flat bread pizza sandwich.

Yeah, but our sandwich comes with the French bread.

and after you finish, you close it.

Yeah, but let's not close it.

No, I want to keep it like a flat sandwich,

a flat sandwich made with...

So, not bread, but the regular bread, right?

Yeah, I mean, what do you make the pizza,

what do you make that with?

The pizza is dough, special for only pizza.

Yeah, so then we use the dough

and we make it like a flat sandwich.

I want to make a sandwich with the dough.

Oh, you want to make a sandwich with the dough

looking like a pizza, right?

No, just I want an open-faced sandwich with pizza dough.

Yeah, but the pizza dough, I can make you pizza dough,

but a pizza dough is coming in a circle.

It doesn't come like sandwich, you know what I'm saying?

Well, then we'll make it like a flatbread, open, open-faced.

You ever had open-faced sandwiches where the face is open?

There's only one side.

You make it like a salad.

I don't know, but there is a sandwich special with the French bread,

and after that we close it,

or you want to make your sandwich with a dough, with a pizza dough.

It looks like a pizza.

Yeah, I don't think you understand because there's a problem here

with the interpretation of the things.

Because what I'm asking for is for a flatbread pizza sandwich.

I don't need this guff about a pizza this and a pizza that.

I'm talking about flatbread sandwich.

And just because I'm from the Republic of Korea

doesn't mean you have the right to act like you don't understand what I'm saying.

Because I've been in the United States for eight years, and I have a job, and I speak English since I was in kindergarten.

In Korea, they teach you English from the beginning.

So if you're going to be racist about people from other countries, then I feel sorry for you.

I pray for you tonight, okay?

Because you're difficult and trying to make these arrangements with me for a flatbread pizza sandwich.

Yeah, but...

What's the big joke here, sir?

What's that?

What's the big joke here with you?

Why do you laugh?

Are you smiling and you're talking?

Listen.

What's that look?

I'm telling you, we have a sub sandwich or a pizza dough sandwich.

Whatever you want, I make it for you.

But the way you like it, I can't.

Because if I make it for you and then you don't like it, then you can't answer me, right?

Uh-huh.

So I don't know.

I have sandwiches, sub sandwich, or a pizza open.

I can make, like, the way you want because that's what we have in the menu.

All right?

Well, let's try this then.

All right.

Here's what I'm thinking.

That's all. Take it and let me know.

Do you make sandwich? Just a sandwich? Regular sandwich?

Yeah, we make regular sandwich, yeah.

Okay. Do you have it where you can press it down and make it toasted?

Yeah, we toast it in the oven, yes.

All right. So let's go ahead and make a regular pizza sandwich, like you said,

the one that you have, the original one that you have, you know?

Yeah, you're talking about pizza sub?

Uh-huh, pizza sub.

Yeah, pizza sub, we do it like French bread, I told you.

We open it, we put marinara sauce, we put the chicken, sorry, we put the cheese, and we put the pepperoni and salami, and close it with the cheese.

Put it in the oven.

When you get toast, we close it.

You want mayonnaise.

We add mayonnaise, and then we serve it like a sandwich.

That sounds good, brother man.

Listen.

Okay, what else?

And it's good, right?

It sounds like it's very delicious.

It sounds like it's a good food, good meal.

Now, can you put it in the oven to toast it for me?

The bread?

Yeah, the bread.

Yeah, obviously, yeah.

All right.

But I want you to leave it in there for a long time.

I want it to get, like, super burnt, you know?

Super burnt.

But if it gets super burnt, after that, you know, enjoy it, you know?

No, that's okay.

Then after that, I want you to go in and throw more things in there to make a bad smell.

Okay.

What do you like?

I want you to pull down your pants.

Okay.

And you're going to turn around into the oven and make a, you know, a caca inside there.

You know, push it out and then close it with the bread.

And leave it in there for 30 minutes, 400 degrees, just to make a bad smell there.

Are you serious, man?

Because when you do that, it smells more like authentic Italian, you know?

I don't know what I'm telling you, man.

I was stationed in Italy at the Air Force Base in the 80s.

I don't care about Italy, man.

so just uh we have a listen we got this sandwich and the pizza so if you like that let me know

otherwise have a nice day i went to the beach and took a shit in the water in front of everybody

and i walked into my car and left awesome i hope everybody enjoyed that milkman

what the fuck was that about milkman that was a crazy one that's i want i want a double dose

of curry on that thing and just get things a little spicy man poor fucking guy though because

Because he's like, he's just being nice.

You know, nice old guy.

And I tell him very slowly, I want him to turn around, pull out his pants,

take his shit in the oven, and leave it in there for 30 minutes at 400 degrees

so it smells like it's Italy.

And he thought about it.

He's like, what the fuck, man?

Are you for real?

That's what Smokey does.

That's what I'm saying, buddy.

Make a bad smell, everybody.

All right.

Hope you enjoyed that one.

Well, before we head into the beginning of the 11 o'clock hour,

I do need to take care of something real quick.

speaking of toilet making it's making shit um no i'm kidding anything else no i need about two

minutes real quick i'm gonna play some of this audio here and if you guys like it i'll play it

out uh milkman go ahead and go get your speakers on your headphones on and listen this is this uh

in texas there's a man named joe horn and uh yes i don't know if anybody's heard this i don't know

how old this is but i heard it like a month ago and i meant to play it on the air and i never got

out to it but uh this is a copy of his 911 call he had his shotgun older uh white guy and his

neighbor's house is being broken into by uh two black looking african immigrants like i think

they were from like uh south america but they're like black like one was like brazilian black you

know like you know there's a lot of black this is the black population in brazil i think they

were both brazilian black and uh they were breaking in the house and they came out with a whole bag

full of loot and he told the guy i'm going motherfucker or whatever something to that

effect and and you hear him run out and he cocks the shotguns like he's like moving you're dead

and you hear bam and he you hear three shots from the shotgun and he kills these dudes in in the

front yard and then the cops show up and the cops show up and they throw him on the ground and they

arrested him anyway he got off uh apparently this happened about earlier this year i think it was

sometime in 2007 to be honest with you and about a month ago um he got found not guilty of all

charges um based on existing laws in texas uh you'd be the judge let me play a little bit of

this while i go uh grab something real quick from the kitchen and i'll be right back thank you

pass that 9-1-1 what is your emergency uh burglars breaking into a house next door

what's the address there sir 7418 not my address but next door okay yes sir 7418 what sir

Timberline Drive.

I've got a shotgun.

Do you want me to stop them?

Nope, don't do that.

Ain't no property worth shooting somebody over, okay?

Well, they're breaking in right now.

They're in their own house.

I'm watching them.

What color is the house they're breaking into?

It's kind of a red brick, right next to a two-story brick on my home.

What's the guys look like, white, black, Hispanics?

They're black, two of them.

Two black males?

What are they wearing?

One's kind of a green shirt and white tennis shoes and blue jeans.

so both of them are in the house right now what's the other one wearing sir i didn't get a look at

the other one what's your last name sir horn joe horn h-o-r-n joe what is your phone number please

uh this is my cell phone 713-819-9826 and you're at what address please i'm at 7418 timberline

they are next door do you know that number next door uh i don't know if it's ascending or descending

hurry up man catch these guys will you because i ain't gonna let them go i'm gonna be honest with

you i'm not gonna let them go i'm not gonna let them get away with this shit okay hold on now if

If you're standing in front of my house, okay, looking at it from the street, it'll be the left house.

You got that?

Yes, sir.

Okay.

Stay on the phone with me until we get someone right over there, okay?

Don't hang up.

I'm not hanging up, but I'm telling you right now, I don't like this kind of stuff, man.

This is ridiculous.

Yes, sir, it is.

Broad daylight.

I don't know if they're on or not.

I know they've got a crowbar, because that's what they broke in the windows with.

Which window did they go through?

The side, on the side where the gate is.

I mean, you know where the fence is, because nobody can see them.

Right-hand side.

Man, this is scary.

I can't

believe what happened in this neighborhood.

Did you see anything at all?

No, I just see where they went in the house.

I can't see anything.

I understand that, but you can see where they entered in?

Yes.

the front, but if I go out the front, I'm bringing my shotgun with me, I swear to God.

I'm not going to let them get away with it.

I can't take a chance on getting killed over this, okay?

No.

I'm going to shoot.

Stay inside the house and don't go out there, okay?

I know you're pissed off and I know what you're feeling, but it's not worth shooting someone

over this, okay?

I don't want to, but I mean, if I go out there, you know, to see what the hell's going on,

I mean, what choice am I going to have?

No, I don't want you to go out there.

I asked if you could see anything out there, if you could see.

I can see a little bit of the driveway, but see, I can't see the front.

Can you see anything out in the front of the house, like a vehicle that came in or anything?

No.

Let me know if you see anything at all from where you're at.

Don't go outside, okay?

Stay in the house.

Horn, you still there?

I'm here.

I'm going to tell you when I've got officers on the scene out there.

Not yet, you don't.

No, I know.

I don't know if they stole something or are getting away or not.

That's all right.

Ain't nobody homeless you know of, is there?

I mean, you know your neighbors?

No, I really don't know these neighbors.

I know the neighbors on the other side really well.

I'm sure if it had been their house, I'd have already done something.

Because I know them really well.

The horn?

Yes.

Why don't you listen to me carefully, okay?

Yes.

I've got officers coming out there.

I don't want you to go outside of that house.

And I don't want you to have that gun in your hand when those officers are poking around over there.

I understand that, okay?

But I have a right to protect myself, too, sir.

And you understand that.

And laws have been changed in this country since September the 1st.

And you know it and I know it.

I have a right to protect myself.

And a shotgun is a legal weapon.

It's not an illegal weapon.

No, it's not.

I'm not saying that.

I'm not wanting you to, you know, make a mistake.

Okay, he's coming out the window right now.

I've got to go, buddy.

I'm sorry, but he's coming out the window.

No, don't.

Don't go out the door, Mr. Horn.

Mr. Horn.

God damn it.

They just stole something.

I'm going out the window.

I'm sorry.

I ain't letting them get away with this shit.

They stole something.

They got a bag of something.

I'm going.

Mr. Horn, do not go out the house.

I'm sorry.

This ain't right, buddy.

You're going to get yourself shot if you go outside that house with a gun.

You want to make a bet?

What do you think?

Okay, stay in the house.

They weren't getting away.

That's all right.

Property is not worth killing someone over.

Okay?

Don't go out the house.

Don't be shooting nobody.

I know you're pissed and you're frustrated, but don't do it.

They got a bag of loot.

Okay.

How big is the bag?

They're carrying a bag of stuff.

They're walking out about a hand's up.

Yeah.

Which way are they going?

I can't.

I'm going outside.

I'll find out.

I don't want you going outside, Mr. Horn.

Well, here it goes, buddy.

You hear the shotgun clicking and I'm going.

Don't go outside.

Oh, you're dead.

Get the law over here quick.

One of them's in the front yard over there.

He's down.

The old ones run down the street.

I had no choice.

They came in the front yard with me, man.

I had no choice.

I'm a 7418 Timberline.

Get somebody over here quick, man.

Mr. Horn, are you out there right now?

No, I am inside the house.

I went back in the house, man.

They come right in my yard.

I didn't know what the shit they was going to do.

Did you shoot somebody, Mr. Horn?

Yes, I did.

Where are you right now?

I'm inside the house.

You're inside the 7418?

Please get out of here right now.

Mr. Horn, put that gun down before you shoot an officer of mine.

I've got several officers out there without you.

I am in the front yard right now.

Put that gun down.

There's officers out there without uniforms on.

Do not shoot anybody else.

Do you understand me?

I understand.

I've got police officers out there that do not have a gun.

I am right out in the front yard waving my hand right now.

You don't have a gun with you, do you?

No, no, no.

You see a uniformed officer?

Okay, lay down on the ground and don't do nothing else.

No.

Lay down on the ground, Mr. Horn.

Do what the officers tell you to do right now.

Where's the gun?

In the house.

Where?

In the chair.

There you go.

That was pretty interesting radio.

Yeah, it almost sounds like it's not real, but it is very real.

It is a true production.

It's off an episode of the cops I was watching.

Isn't that cool?

Isn't that crazy, though?

So, I don't know.

Justified or not, they weren't even armed.

Someone was mentioning, which is true, I understand from the story.

That guy's name is Joe Horn.

That call has his whole real phone number and his address and his name.

I'm just saying.

I am not saying anything.

I'm just saying.

I'm pointing that out to people.

That's it.

Thank you.

I guess it's public record.

That's why they can do that.

What happened next?

He got arrested.

I don't know what happened next much.

I know he got arrested, and he was out.

At some point, he bailed out, and two years later or something, a few months ago, two or three years later,

he got tried and found not guilty under the laws in Texas.

He's allowed to protect his home, and they came on his property.

They were in his front yard.

Texas is a very pro-gun, pro-death-sentence kind of state.

Jill, you're from the U.K., so you might not understand that.

Nunu has an idea for me to call a Safeway in Colorado

where they banned some guy for a year, like a month ago,

for ordering big chicken breasts at the deli counter

with some crazy bitch accusing him of being sexual.

I heard about that.

I didn't hear about that.

That's new to me.

Okay, well, we'll call them.

Yeah, I'm sure he did change his number by now, Brendan.

Good point.

All right, it's 11 o'clock hours.

Time to go balls to the wall with prank calls.

Lonesome Losers here.

Welcome, sir.

Did you see the big guy who made it?

All right, Safeway it is.

One moment, please.

Yeah.

Yourself.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on in right now.

Deli Department.

This is Megan.

How may I help you?

Yeah, hi.

Listen, I had a question about the meat section over there.

Do you have pork butt for pork roast?

Pork what?

The pork butt roast.

No, I do not, but I think meat does, but meat's already closed.

Oh, there's no way I could find out?

Yeah, I can put you on hold and I can give you to my manager if you'd like.

All right, let's do that.

Thanks, big girl.

All right.

Appreciate it.

That's a big girl

Madonna song's gone

No, no, I'm not going to order big chicken tits

I'm going to order big butts

Big pork butt, round butt, round roast

Yes, hi, how are you doing, sir?

Good

I had a question about the meat department

Would it be better if I called tomorrow?

Well, why don't you let me know

I might be able to answer your question

The pork butt, you know, for pork roasts

Uh-huh

I need several of them for tomorrow for a function

For the police athletically

And unfortunately, the person who was in charge of getting them decided to leave the event, left us high and dry.

So I just need to get several.

I don't know what's, if you could, do you have any idea like how large or what size they come in?

Just the largest few.

If not, then I've got another place that I was going.

I've already called two places.

Okay.

Let me run back there and see what we've got on hand.

And so let me go look real quick.

All right.

Thank you.

This is childish milk, man.

Do another call while we wait on that.

We'll call them White House Restaurant.

I don't know what I'm going to ask about.

I'm going to ask about Big Butts.

This is Russ from I'm going to help you.

Yes, hello, sir.

I'm a little upset about something that someone said over there at some point sometime today.

Okay.

How can I help you?

This gentleman apparently kept making comments to my daughter about the chicken breast.

But it crossed the line.

It crossed the line, sir.

Okay.

I'm on hold right now with Bob Morton from the News Solvers.

And I got him on the line, and he said he wanted to talk to you about it.

Okay.

When did this happen?

It happened earlier tonight, probably during the rush time.

Okay.

He's on the line right now.

He said something about pork butts, right, sir?

He's putting me through right now.

They're putting me through to him right now.

Listen, he made comments about pork.

Like, do you have pork roast there?

Is that true?

Because he kept saying that the pork roast and that you guys use, like, pork butt

and that nice big round butts, like it was a laugh and joke.

Sir, are you there?

Yeah, I'm here.

What did you find out about those butts?

What is it?

We have a lot in our back room.

that hasn't been butchered yet.

Okay.

So I'm not sure exactly what cut they are because they're not labeled either yet.

So, I mean, if you probably call back tomorrow, the meat cutters get here at 4,

but they probably won't answer the phone until 5.

Uh-huh.

And you can talk to them and try to...

Well, hang on. Hang on, sir.

And you, sir, the manager.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

All right, so that's what he's saying.

So what about it then?

That's what he said.

You heard it.

Okay, yeah, if you call back tomorrow and talk to the meat cutter

and work out something for me, I'm sure he can cut you whatever you need.

What was your name?

My name's David.

All right, David, and manager, what was your name?

Phil.

Phil, all right, Phil, Dave is telling you that he needs you to call him tomorrow

about this problem to get this resolved because they're going to report this

to Bob Morton tomorrow on the news solvers, right, Dave?

Yeah.

You see?

Okay.

So you have to call.

Where does he have to call him at?

Tell him again.

Just call the store at 303-303-389.

All right, and Dave, I hope you understand that the gentleman you're talking to on the line,

he's going to get you shut down if you don't get this taken care of.

It's a serious business.

He's going to get me shut down?

Yeah, this is going to be trouble.

Right, sir?

Well, I'm still a little unclear, but I'll make sure I call the barnet to get it taken care of.

Yeah, based on the evidence, it could happen.

I agree.

Okay, thank you.

All right.

Thank you, gentlemen.

What the fuck that was about?

that's just me being fucking wacky and weird i was trying to get him into some kind of weird

discussion with each other they're both like okay well they traded phone numbers there

guys like what the fuck huh shut down what i was like yeah based on the based on the evidence

i was good and what orchestrated what orchestrated your money so we didn't manipulate the the wires

i love it i've heard a fax call for a while that's a good call man i like pig speed um

It says venison.

I happen to like pig's feet myself.

That's cool.

Venison is black.

He's Afro-American, and I'm Puerto Rican.

Milkman, do you like pig's feet?

You ever get them when you live down in the Caribbean?

No, but you ever had smoked pork hocks?

I had oxtail on my honeymoon when I was in the Caribbean somewhere in the Barbados.

No, no, no, no, no, oxtail.

I love oxtail, but I'm talking about smoked pork hocks.

No, no, I can't say I have.

Pork hocks, smoked.

It's pork hocks, but if you want to mess with me, you say pork hocks.

No, no, no, no. I haven't had a steak before.

I've just had them with beans and stuff.

In Puerto Rico, they make them like that.

Venice is...

Right indeed, sir.

MSG 3 Clay has had pork brains mixed with scrambled eggs.

Yeah, a friend of mine went to a Korean wedding,

and they had the pork brains in some kind of gelatinous goop.

And he was in a bridal party.

He was expected to eat all the food that they put in front of him.

He couldn't make a big thing.

He was totally not into it.

Baz reporting a great Filipino dish called crispy pata.

Deep fried pork knuckle.

Head cheese.

Venison is talking about.

LifeLite says he finds Melbourne adult bookstores are better.

That's cool.

Adult bookstores.

I don't know.

Even when I was in high school, you know, before the internet was around and stuff like that.

You know, I graduated in 97.

so it was you know porn on the internet was starting to it was still in its infancy when

i was a senior in high school and i didn't have access to the internet at that point

um but even back then the i would hear about people that would buy you know adult books and

pornographic books like to read and they would get off and i'm like that seems that seems pretty

weak and stupid i was just fine heck you know with our hack satellite dish our big the big

ass antenna we had the the scramble the scrambler box and we used to watch all the satellite feeds

and shit and uh that was for cable i mean we had a descrambler box for the cable so we could watch

all the cable channels and then for free we were getting the big satellite disc because it was in

the house when we moved into it yeah cuban satellite yeah man all kinds of stuff on there

yeah i used to watch uh dan rather live when they were recording his show and they would beam it

live to the west coast so they could edit it you know for the west coast uh feed three hours

hours later yeah i used to watch that all yeah i used to watch that live and he would smoke like

like, a lot, and, uh, Connie Chung used to smoke, like, chain smoking in every break, I swear to

God, um, Harry Carey doing Cubs games, my, uh, family, you know, Puerto Rican in the baseball

games, and they watch Cubs games, and they would, uh, we get to hear Harry Carey all drunk, and

there was, like, some other guy, he, uh, he was, uh, a guy for the announcer for the Toronto Blue

Jays, uh, and, uh, he was, um, really drunk all the time, it was, obviously, it was drinking,

because you'd hear him talking about drinking

and he'd talk about stupid fans

that were getting...

There'd be someone proposing to their girlfriend

to get married in a stadium

and he'd be like,

there's another stupid asshole

proposing to somebody.

God, I hate that shit.

We're back.

We're back, too, too.

Oh, man.

Good times.

Brendan reminding us that cup sucks.

Careful, you're lucky that Andy isn't in here.

He has a word for you.

A word or two.

Milkman, do me a favor.

Can we try opening up the Rolodex chat room like we used to do in the past?

Remember what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I don't.

You don't know the commands?

Yeah, okay.

Let me see.

Yeah, and then we'll get Nuno, me, and you, and Lonesome in there.

Okay.

Just to kind of stay on the same page, make sure everything's going to one place.

Go ahead and put Brendan in there, too, because he's pretty good with sending in numbers.

He seems like an all right bloke.

All right.

More pranks it is.

This is 11.19 p.m. in the East Coast, 8.20-ish on the West Coast.

What is it, 4.20 a.m. in the U.K.?

Congratulations, everybody over there.

Smoke weed if you got them.

Smoke weed every day.

I haven't played that one in a while.

All right, Lonesome Losers sitting in that White House restaurant we called in earlier.

Now we're going to do the Yanksy Restaurant.

They're up in California as well.

Led Zeppelin tonight on Madhouse Radio.

I'll be playing random tracks from Led Zeppelin over the years.

If you have any requests from Led Zeppelin's extensive catalog of hits, or any B-sides even that are good, send your requests to me for that.

If you've got prank call requests you want to send, there's a Request a Prank form back in the chat room over at MadHouseLive.com.

In the chat room there, use that if you'd like.

It comes right to the desktop here.

Also, AOL, Yahoo, Instant Messenger users, MadHouse Radio.

Hit me up there.

AOL and Yahoo, Instant Messenger users, MadHouse Radio.

to you oh msn messengers of course madhouse at live.com can't forget them we got a number for

a mental health home the number is 24 hours staff will answer you could be a patient trying to get

admitted for something mad a mental health home in the uk got it down sir thank you poor madam

you didn't leave a clear name there so i don't know all right anyway chinese restaurant or asian

restaurant of some sort hey wait a minute before that let's try to call the uh milkman you haven't

heard these calls yet probably but we got a new long dong he's a manager at the uh a restaurant

in honolulu yes hi i'm trying to make a confusing order over there that's going to require some

rats of writing down stuff putting things in order numbers and letters i'm giving me the total

preparing yourself to make the meal cleaning the surfaces over there interpreting back the numbers

that i've told you and the items that i want with what ingredients warming up those ingredients

into the desired amount of time when you're cooking utensils and trays, placing those

items inside disposable containers for delivery, placing those items inside a plastic bag or

several paper bags, attaching the receipt to it, placing it in an area where it's allowed

to remain warm and will not fall on the floor or become affected by dirty things until the

customer comes there to pick up the stuff.

At that point I will give you my information and you will retrieve the package, take the

receipt enter it in your number machine there and then you will bring it up and tell me how

much the order is i will give you the amount of the order i will comment on how nice you looked

at night and then i will leave my way and eat my food in my house i will not be shitting pissing

my food as usual all right hello hello sir i got a muted maybe they'll come back to the phone i

don't know we'll see or at least i can listen for when they hang up problem is in the meantime

milkman is not going to be able to hear me milkman i'm putting on mute never mind they're

back or rather they dropped finally okay good i'm hungry for something but i don't know what it is

hey when that happens hey it's crazy fucker crazy fucker on the air

took us off the air man you know last week i was hoping anniversary september 11th and i wanted to

have your take on that if you could real quick well sure i didn't want to call you up because

it seems like whenever i call you up uh everybody in your chat room hates my fucking guts

So I'm sorry you couldn't call in last week, man.

So how'd you get banned from Syndicate?

What's that about, dude?

Earlier on, and I was like, it's like a pig human.

The way it is, you need to think about it, it's a two-party system.

It's not a two-party system, dude.

Party system?

No, dude.

It's your party system.

My party system and everybody that hears my party system.

I'll tell you what, I'm a government agent.

You got those meat pies over there?

Sorry, I can't hear you.

You got those meat pies over there?

Yes, we do.

Meat pies, yeah?

What flavors do they come in?

What do you add for the base ingredient?

Cummin?

Sorry, sorry.

What does that mean?

Do you put cummin in it?

Of course not.

What goes in it then?

Who makes it?

Do you make the meats yourselves or do you have some other type of system?

No, we've got a head office and it's a recipe that we don't give out.

Oh, but is it spicy or what kind of meats is it?

No, no.

We've got spicy pies and we have non-spicy pies.

You've got minced beef pies.

You've got chunky steak pies.

Then if you want spicy pies, you've got Mexican pies.

You've got curry beef.

Do you have a Mexican pie?

Do you have a Jamaican jerk pie?

No, we don't.

pie.

I'm from the Caribbean.

I'm from the stupid Caribbean, and the Jamaicans, they have a meat pie.

It's called a Jamaican patty, and it's spicy with jerk seasonings and cumin.

No, we don't have that.

We've got a curry beef.

We've got a curry beef pie.

We've got some spicy chicken pies.

We've got a Thai chicken pie.

All right.

Do you have a...

And a tandoori chicken.

Excuse me, sir.

Do you have any...

Let's try to...

Okay, so for the Mexican.

Yeah.

And I'm guessing, what does that come with there that creates that Mexican flavor to it?

What do you think?

Yeah, it's got the Mexican flavor.

It's got the beans.

It's got the peppers.

We've got the jalapeno peppers.

Okay.

All right.

I want you to mix that there with the Jamaican one, and we'll call it a...

We don't have Jamaican fries, I'm afraid.

The Spix Pie, you know?

Uh-uh.

Oh, no?

Uh-uh, no.

What can you do with it?

You can't...

How do you prepare?

Do you bake them, or do they get fried?

No, we bake them.

You bake them?

We bake them fresh every day.

When you bake them, I'm thinking maybe you could just, like, mash them together and hit them together with my heart until it makes a mash.

And then leave it, how long do you leave it in the oven for, like a half hour?

Yeah.

About 20 minutes.

We'll leave it in there for, like, I don't know, maybe, say, three hours?

No, I'm sorry. We'll cast you away.

Will it damage you? It won't be edible, you think?

Yeah, that's right.

Are there any men that work there?

Sorry, no, we don't.

We did, but we don't at the moment.

So it's just women?

Yeah.

Because what I'm going to say might be a little crass, so that was...

All right.

I was thinking it'd be a good idea.

Well, maybe then instead I will do this.

I'm going to go and, in the oven, I'm going to turn around and put my ass into the oven.

Better get back to work.

I'm going to take my pants off and make a shit toilet inside the oven and leave it in there.

What is with me?

I wanted to take a shit in the oven today.

I don't know what's up with that.

All right.

Milkman, are you there?

Milkman, you?

there's no pen fuck all right more numbers coming from lonesome loser we got a right

a mexican restaurant where an indian works let's do it hey big fuck i don't want to hear a clip

was you talking the crazy fucker recording that was a recording oh okay all i could hear

was questions did you hear the prank call that i did to the woman about shitting in the oven again

did you hear it wasn't that funny wasn't that funny it's funny because i told her

I don't know about me, but there's not a man working there.

It was funny because I told her to take a shit in the oven, dude.

That's the funny part of it.

You need some more men working there with her, and then she can get it.

I told her I didn't want to say it to her.

It was crass, but whatever.

They should have a man working there.

That's the problem.

Did you get my recipe for yucca?

I'll tell you what.

I'm going to have it on Friday, and I told my mom that she was going to have me make it,

so I'll be able to tell you that.

I told her today that a friend of mine wanted the recipe.

I wanted to make yucca, and she's like,

Like, well, we can make that on Friday for Athena's birthday.

And I said, cool, so, you know, I'll make it with you.

Cool.

Yeah, so I'll be able to tell you.

I want the green pig.

Yeah, I want the green pig.

Mom doesn't do it, though, like that.

She doesn't use the green stuff in it.

She doesn't.

She doesn't make a green banana?

She doesn't know how to make green bananas?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, that she can do.

Oh, yeah, I thought you said something else.

It's called green pig.

No, it's called green pig.

Green pig?

Yeah, they call it green pig.

I don't know if bananas are called a fig.

Okay, and what do you do with it?

Where you fry it, or what do you do with it?

Well, we do about the same way we do the jujube, but it doesn't have sazon on it,

and I think they put, like, lemon or something on it.

You don't have to ask her about that.

Yeah, we've got to talk to her about that.

Yeah, it's a classical dish.

I'm sure she knows what it is if we talk to her.

Right.

Well, we'll let you know.

Hey, you know what?

Nudie's 16th birthday is coming up also next week.

16th?

Yeah.

Makes sense.

That's about right.

Back to prank calls, though.

Number Samosa, etc.

The Maracas restaurant.

Let's call them.

Thank you for calling Maracas.

Hey, buddy.

How are you doing?

I'm good.

How are you?

I'm good.

This is Spanish food, like from Spain, or is it Mexican?

Mexican food.

Okay, good.

Do you have just burritos there?

Is that like large ones or just like standard-sized ones?

Our food is, the portions are large.

Large portions.

Okay.

Do you have burritos then, like a bean burrito, a vegetarian burrito?

Yeah.

All right.

I'd like one of those, please.

Do you put those in the oven, or do they go in a fryer, or how are they made exactly?

They're not actually oven door fried.

Are you looking for a chimichanga or something like that?

Something like that.

Something that will go in the oven.

Okay.

So you want, like, a wet burrito?

If it goes in the oven, yeah.

That's where you put the sauce on top.

So you want sauce and cheese on top?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Anything else for you?

How long does that go in the oven for, usually?

And is it vegetarian?

Because I don't want...

You went at me.

You said it has cheese on it.

No cheese.

No cheese?

No cheese, no.

How vegetarian?

Well...

No rice seed in it.

Our rice has chicken base in it.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

No.

Okay, so vegan style.

Right.

And then the beans, does it have any meat sauce in it?

Does it got any ham in it?

No, no.

Our beans are made with olive oil blend.

I hope so.

And they're not lard or anything like that.

I really hope so.

All right.

Well, I can tell you for sure they're not.

All right.

And so I guess we need to go whole grain with the tortilla, though, then.

I don't have a whole grain tortilla.

I have flour tortillas.

All right.

So what's the gluten, then?

I don't have gluten-free tortillas.

I have corn tortillas, but they're not big enough to make a burrito out of.

What's the glucose index on the tortillas, then?

What's the what? I'm sorry?

The glucose index?

I have no idea.

Is it from Cisco, or where is it from?

No.

My tortilla is made by a company called Don Leon.

Okay.

What's their website?

I couldn't tell you.

I mean, they're Don Leon.

They're a local tortilla factory.

And they provide this just for...

Is it just for...

I don't know what their glucose level is,

and I don't know if they even list it.

I'm sure there's a way we could find out.

Well, at this hour, I don't think so.

What about this?

Instead of that, just a plain, regular, wet burrito,

just no cheese on it, and no rice, all right?

Okay.

So, bean burrito, no cheese, no rice.

Exactly.

And then on top of that, if you could, in the oven,

when you put it in, turn around, pull your pants down,

and then make a big shit.

Oh, please, you're a fucking jerk.

Make a big shit net.

Make a big shit net!

So stupid he didn't hang up the phone right.

He left it off the hook.

Dumbass.

There you go, man.

Make it a big shit in the oven tonight.

That's the name of the show, I think.

That's what we're going to have to call it.

Big shit in the oven.

Whatever.

When they get on a topic sometimes...

Hook it up with some black coal, buddy.

Look, man, you know me.

When I get on something I get, I really get on it, man.

Yeah, man.

Soak in it with black coal.

All right.

Nunu reminding us that today's Indian swear words are pagol and gandhu.

And we're also looking for a hotel in Estonia.

If you know of one out there that is answering the phone, let us know.

We'll do that shit.

Got a number for a Chinese restaurant in Anchorage, Alaska.

We'll give them a call as well.

Let's get to it.

Indian.

Brendan.

I'm not kidding you.

I bought collard greens the other day.

I was at Publix Milkman.

I think I'm going to make them tonight.

How do you make them?

I know we've had this prank call recently, Milkman.

You haven't heard it, but I really do want to know how to make collard greens now.

I'm going to make it tonight.

Good evening, Alan.

Hello.

Hi, sweetie.

How are you doing?

May I know who's calling?

This is Cross. I was calling to make an order.

Okay.

What's with the attitude?

Sorry?

What was with the attitude?

I was just curious. Did I say something bad?

I'm sorry if I was sore or crossed here. I didn't mean to.

Okay, that's fine.

Is everything okay? Did I offend you?

No, that's okay. What would you like to have?

Are you sleeping or something? Did I call the house?

I'm sorry. What's the matter?

What did I do?

Just take my order.

No, that's why I had to drag it out so much.

Fucking stupid.

Milkman, you're a big fan of the ramen.

Oh, yeah.

She just hung up.

She had just picked up, rather, and I hit hang up.

I heard it go up.

Oh, bastard me.

Bastard me.

Oh, shit.

Oops.

All right.

Ramen.

You'll be a fan of ramen.

We've got a ramen restaurant in California.

We've got that on the list here.

Good.

Yeah.

Madras Indian Cuisine.

Madras?

Isn't Madras those Muslim?

Yeah.

Aren't those Muslim schools that they teach in?

No, no.

It's India.

Madras is India.

Yeah, but the Madrasas.

Oh, okay, that's the difference.

The Muslim schools will be teaching the white man's the devil.

Hey, sweetie, how you doing, big girl?

What?

How you doing, big girl?

I wanted to make an order, please.

Okay, go ahead.

All right, I'd like, let's see here.

Do you have curry chicken?

Yeah.

All right, one curry chicken.

Do you have jasmine rice, or what kind of rice do you have there?

I have basmati rice.

Basmati, okay, I'll take that.

Alright, and one, uh, you have the chick, chicky marsala?

Chicken, chicken marsala.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, and, uh, one pagol gandu.

What?

One pagol gandu for my friend.

Uh, I don't have that.

Pagol gandu, it's my friend from India said that's, he just left, but he went to get beer.

But he told us about this place.

He gave me the phone number, he said he wanted a pagol gandu.

I don't have that.

He says pagol gandu banchad, something like that here.

How do you spell it?

B-A-H-N-C-H-O-D.

Ban-chot, I think.

Or chot.

Chot.

Ban-chot.

No, we don't have that item.

Is there a chef I can speak to?

Maybe.

Is there someone there who's ethnic that I could ask?

No, we don't have that item on the menu.

What is it exactly then?

What's the problem?

He said this is a common dish.

It's a common dish.

Maybe he called the wrong restaurant.

This is a caldary.

Uh-huh.

That's a common Indian dish, though.

Ask the man back there for banchan at once.

No, we don't have any, because I'm the owner's daughter, so I know.

Where are you from?

I'm from here.

Oh, you're from America?

Yeah.

Do you do engineering or math really good?

No.

No?

Oh.

Do you like sex?

No.

Oh.

Math figures.

Are you going to get married with, like, an elephant and all that stuff?

Like, arrange marriage?

No, I'm already married.

Oh, yeah?

Wow.

That's a trip, yo.

Yo, so was he married into the family for money to start the restaurant?

Huh?

I heard he's probably, you got married to him so that your father could get money to start opening the restaurant.

No?

Was there a gambling debt involved with that or something?

No.

Does your dad gamble a lot or something?

What's going on with the phone over there?

No one.

What's going on with the phone over there?

Hello?

Stupid call.

Sorry, guys.

We all go, she doesn't want to react to the name.

She just says, no, we do not have.

The men will get upset.

sad that the point of it is to get a man on the phone then you say pie golf gandu banchard because

the women are like oh he he he no no no all right look man you know how to make greens at all what

do i do what i put in those greens i put salt collard greens i don't i have a little bit of

onion left not too much i use a lot of it on my salad tonight how let's find a recipe for a

collard do you have any ideas on how to make collard greens if you know how let me know collards

recipe oops why is it opening files want that how long it takes to make collards we gotta watch

Watch them. Don't you slow-boil them.

Uh, this one here needs ham hocks.

Fuck that.

Smoked pork shoulder, I don't have that.

Picked ham, smoked ham, don't have that.

Bacon fat?

I don't have bacon fat.

Accent?

I got that. Black pepper, onions, green pepper, okra.

I got everything but the okra.

Think about picking up okra tomorrow.

I'm gonna just throw some shit together back there.

I'm gonna put some onion and fuckin', uh, I don't know.

I'll throw some beef.

Kill myself tonight.

You gotta wash the collards, that's all I know.

Black people say,

Oh, you gotta wash them collards before you put them in there.

They be dirty.

It's called the Ebisu Ramen Restaurant.

And we're going to take a break.

And hopefully Milkman will talk more.

You've got to wash the collard greens before you put them in the water to boil them.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Okay.

The ramen that you have there, how long do they blow up for?

Oh, sure.

Why don't you just screw yourself, okay?

You're a fucking twat.

What was that?

Did I already call her or something?

I don't remember calling her.

Too much THC.

Let's try to call her again.

That's kind of rude of her.

I don't need that.

You got me there.

I don't know.

Did I call her in the past or something?

Why was she so mean and angry and nasty?

Maybe look up vegetarian collard greens, because I don't have any meat to put in it.

Like, I don't have any bacon fat.

Vegetarian.

Nope.

No such thing.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

When we come back, we've got more numbers here to do.

Lonesome Losers sending in numbers quite diligently.

Might give a call to Big Brenda.

We call her every week.

How she's doing.

Big Titty Brenda.

Big Booty Brenda.

Ship Ashore.

Still haven't called them yet.

Got another Chinese restaurant running around there also.

And when we come back, we'll also be opening up the phone lines for all you conferences that want to get in.

That's what you make.

I'll make a colored brown here in a little bit, man. I just want to blush.

I've got a juice for you.

You've got a what?

All right.

No, go ahead.

I've got a juice for you.

Having a fit.

Yeah.

It's a goodie.

That's good.

Back in about five, six minutes, taking a break here.

When we come back, we're going to be opening up the conference line.

As I said before, you can still send in your requests.

We're going to be on for like another half, two hours maybe.

Depends how things go.

Let me know what you think.

How's radio?

We'll be right back.

This here is in the sense of God's forgetfulness ever to be remembered against me.

Books ever written is the book of Revelation or the Apocalypse.

This book reveals the future of the world and your part in it.

The book of Revelation, the last book in your Bible,

Here's apocalyptic symbols and secrets

Hello

Just because it's in print

Doesn't mean it's the gospel

Write negative things

Cause they feel that's what sells

Good news to them doesn't sell

Has it impacted you?

My album is number one all over the world

All over the world

America's the only one because

Too much

But it's not number one

Madhouse Radio, Carlito and Milkman

Live

It is midnight in the East Coast.

It's officially October the 7th, Thursday morning, 12.05 a.m.

We've got about another hour, hour and a half worth of show.

Thank you for listening in.

In about a half hour, we're going to be opening up the conference sign.

If anybody's interested, we'll go ahead and open that up.

I'll be posting a phone number that you can call with a conference ID.

Call in there.

We'll be moderating.

You can join in with me and Milkman while we do prank calls.

If you want, let me know. I'll give you a shot.

If you're any good, we'll keep you on.

If not, we'll drop you off.

We got that Estonia number here.

I don't know what...

Nunu, what is it you want us to do with Estonia?

Is there something special, or you just want me to call Estonia?

You had a plan, I think, for it, but I forgot what it is.

Let's see here. Find Estonia.

You know, Estonia's really big with Internet stuff, too.

They're really trying to take over in Europe.

And a couple computers, and especially Internet.

They're specialists there.

Really? Are they?

The Estonia premise is that I'm a businessman in the hotel who has to do a speech.

And I want to finish with some Estonian to impress people.

And the phrase I want to know is, thank you, see you in 12 months.

What?

Tell restaurants to tell people to put the food in the toilet and do a shit in the oven because that would be an improvement.

That's a good point.

But wait a minute, what's the Estonia premise?

You're losing me.

My Estonia premise is that I'm a businessman in the hotel and I have to do a speech.

and I want to finish with some Estonian

to impress people

and I want to know, thank you, see you in 12 months.

He wants you to ask them how to say that in Estonian.

And what's funny about that?

I don't know.

You don't know me, do you?

But what is it?

What's funny about that?

What am I not understanding?

I think it's just something to get you to feed you over

until you tell them to put it in their foot

and that'll make it taste better.

Ask them how to say thank you, see you in 12 months in Estonian.

All right, I'll do it.

I just don't understand it.

Why am I doing that?

I got the stretch just so you didn't come in with the punchline at the end about the show.

He just wants me to ask him that.

Yes, sir, how are you doing today?

Yes, I'm fine.

Yeah, my name is Cross.

I'm a businessman, and I'm in the hotel.

It's good to talk to you.

Excuse me?

Say it again.

I'm a businessman, and I'm staying in the hotel today.

Tell me something about your day today.

And I have to do a speech, and I'm going to be going there later tonight to stay,

but I'm doing a speech in a few minutes, and I'm a little confused.

Do you have a concierge, or is there someone there that I can ask something?

A concierge?

Yeah, or because I need to know how to say something in Estonian in my speech.

Well, do you speak English? You think you could tell me?

You speak English, right?

I do, I do.

All right, so how do you say...

But I don't know how much, so...

How do you say thank you, see you in 12 months?

What is it again?

I said, thank you is aita.

Aita.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, see you in 12 months is naeme 12 kuuparest.

How do you say 12 months?

12 months is kaksteist kuut.

Cox is good?

Kaksteist kuut.

Cox.

Wait a minute.

How do you?

Kaksteist kuut.

Can you spell that one for me?

You can also say, see you in a year

No, but the cocks taste good, how is it?

Cocks taste good, is 12 months

Cocks taste good?

Mm-hmm

How good is it, taste?

Cocks taste

They taste good?

So, yes, cocks taste good

See you in 12 months is

Well, I didn't know, I mean, you're

I mean, if you're attracted to me, that's okay

Excuse me?

You're attracted to me, I suppose.

No.

No?

But you said this thing.

Excuse me?

You said this thing to me.

This thing you said to me.

Yes, I said 12 months.

Yeah, this thing that you said to me, 12 months.

I mean, do you like it?

Yes, I do.

Okay, well, there it is.

And we're on the same page, I suppose.

Mm-hmm.

Do you want to become a citizen of the United States?

No, thank you.

You're not interested?

No.

Do you like money?

I do.

You like jewelry?

I do.

Do you like earrings with diamonds in them?

Yes.

I'll buy you diamond earrings if you want.

No, thank you.

For you to look pretty.

No, thank you.

What can I get you?

I want to get you something expensive because I have a lot of money to give you.

Actually, I'm not interested.

I do have a lot of money to spend.

Yeah, but I want to give you something for free, like a car.

Do you have a car?

But I cannot talk with a car like that.

Do you want a car?

I'm going to buy you a car machine.

No, thank you.

Drive to work.

Come on, I want you to have a car.

A car?

Yes.

Oh, thank you.

Can you put me through to the restaurant?

A restaurant?

Yeah.

It's not open.

When are they open?

Do you know that it's 7 a.m. in the morning right now?

So they will be open at 12 o'clock.

So what?

At noon.

Oh, so five hours from now?

Yes.

And when do you leave?

I cannot tell you that.

Would you like maybe I can get you a pearl necklace? Excuse me. I have clients here. So do you like necklaces pearls?

Do you like pearls?

I'm trying to come on her if she's on you know, I like girls

Milkman I like you. I like girls milkman. I know you don't understand that

good. 12 months? That's a good catch. Thank you, Nunu.

Nah, man. That's nuts.

Alright, we got another hotel in Estonia. Let's ask them the same thing.

Thank you. See you in 12 months.

I think they need to put on that

You said it so cute

He's like, cocks taste good

Cocks taste good

We gotta take that clip out later on

And make a little

I was trying to let her

Get the same a few times

So you get a clear one

How did you say that?

Repeat that slowly

Can you say manhouse?

Can you say manhouse first?

Say manhouse 12 months

How are you doing, ma'am?

Hello.

Good morning, lady.

Good morning.

Yes, ma'am.

I'd like to ask you a question now.

I am a businessman, and I'm giving a speech, and I'm staying in the hotel,

and I'm trying to figure out at the end of my speech,

and I know how to say hello in Estonian,

but I don't know how to say this part that I need to translate.

Okay.

Give me the sentence.

Well, at the end of it, you know, when I'm done with the speech,

I wanted to, you know, just to be nice, to share, you know,

because there's been nothing but very good people I work with all week.

I'm going to say, thank you, see you in 12 months,

because we're going to come back in 12 months.

Thank you, we'll see you in 12 months.

Thank you, see you in 12 months.

Thank you is aita.

Aita.

And see you in 12 months is naama aasta perast.

Oh, there's a different way to say it, I think someone was telling me.

Naama kahades kuu perast.

there's something like cocks taste good yes it is uh cocks taste is one year so

so how do you just say one year

listen i heard that some man went into the restaurant pulled out his pants turned around

and he put his naked ass in the oven he took a big shit in it okay and then he turned it on

and put it and it smelled better than what it smelled like before in this country okay you ever

microwave your diarrhea i'm sorry you ever microwave your diarrhea and make it smell better

inside the house where you live you live in a toilet i'm sorry you live in a toilet country

uh thank you you live in a toilet with the shit yep i saw on tv that in estonia these people kept

They kept going to the beach and they made a big shit in the ocean on purpose.

Could be.

Because they didn't have running water.

I'm not sure.

What's your closest beach over there?

Stromy Beach.

How far away is that at?

From here, about five miles.

Do you go swimming in that water ever?

I have been, yes.

Is it to the south or the north of America?

It's to the north.

Is this the north beach?

Yes.

Yeah?

Do, like, women take off their tops at the beach there?

I'm sorry?

Do women take off their tops at the beach over there?

Yes.

And what about their pants?

Everything.

Do you get naked?

Yes.

And the men don't get naked, right?

Don't.

No?

Yep.

That's good.

It's okay to give massages to women?

Yes.

On the beach?

Yes.

Okay.

Is it okay to steal money from people if you have a gun?

No.

Oh, okay.

Because I heard it was like that now.

Yes.

Oh, okay.

Okay. What else you got for me?

Basically nothing.

Nothing? Is there a man I can talk to?

Unfortunately, I'm the only one.

You're the only woman?

Yes.

Okay. Well, thank you very much, ma'am. You have a good night.

You're welcome.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Stupid monkey.

It was all right for a while there.

After a while, Milkman just became juvenile.

What are you doing? I thought.

I thought Cox tastes good.

I thought you said Cox tastes good.

I thought Cox tastes good.

I wanted to mention on YouTube, there's this group.

They travel to the most dangerous or the most untraveled to places in the world,

and they film it.

And they went to North Korea in one, and I saw it was really interesting.

And they went to Liberia, which is really, it's in Africa,

and it's very much poverty-stricken.

And they've had various civil wars, and they have warlords,

and they do cannibalistic stuff there.

During the last civil riot that they had,

and they were chopping up their enemies and eating them,

and they were eating kids before they went out to go to war

because they thought it gave them powers, all this crazy shit.

Anyway, so it's after the war.

They're in a period of peace right now.

This guy went to visit one of the nastiest slums in Liberia,

and they went down to the beach,

and what would normally be a beautiful scenic beach smells like a sewer,

and the guy's like, why does it smell so bad here at the beach?

What is this?

and he said well you gotta realize

that there's a very dense poor

population here and

90% of them don't have any running

water or toilet facilities so what do you think

they use and they went

down to the beach and there's nothing but old

fucking nasty shitty turds

in the water all over the place in the

water and in the sand

like and he says he says

literally people just like there's there's kids

that run around homeless homeless kids

teenagers their families kick them out or they're

born to prostitutes and they're like eight you know 16 15 14 13 sometimes 12 and shit living

on the streets by themselves like gangsters smoking pot and heroin and uh they that's what

they use for the toilet they go down to the beach they pull out their pants and they go in the water

and they take a shit and they leave and it washes up or just stays in the water there all the fish

are gone from there they can't fish anymore because of what is done to the water it is the

most nastiest thing and the guy's like the american guy who's he asked his travel guide

It's like, well, why doesn't the government do something about this?

It's just horrible.

And it's like, yeah, the government is going to do something when the mayor of this town comes down and shits with the people all the time.

I'm like, oh, you've got to be kidding.

The mayor of the city comes down there for public relations, and he shits in the water with them.

That's Liberia.

Whatever the capital, Liberia.

I think it's named after a U.S. president, the capital.

Monroeville.

Monrovia, Monrovia.

That's a country we should call Liberia.

Wow.

Awesome.

You know, they've probably got the most probably registered ships as oil tankers there for America, too, you know.

Well, the guy was explaining, he's like, all those kids and gangsters, they're hooked on heroin and they smoke pot.

And they get it from, oh, Colombians sail away from South America, wherever they're growing it from, or wherever else they come from.

They sail to the Mediterranean, and the Liberians go out to the beach.

They go out in their boats, or whatever coast Liberia is off of.

The fucking Colombian gangsters go out there in their boats, and they buy it on the waters, and they bring it back.

Liberia is on the west coast. It's somewhere near Ghana.

Yeah, it's like over on the west coast. That's right. Yeah, it's close. Yeah.

It was founded by freed American slaves.

It was a program in the United States after emancipation and the end of the Civil War,

And there was a group of, you know, there was abolitionists.

There was different kinds of abolitionists.

Abolitionists wanted Africans, freed Africans to have their own state, their own country, or leave it integrated like they did.

And there was another group of Africans also themselves that wanted to go back to Africa and start up again.

So they did that.

There was a group, a pretty sizable group.

And the first thing they did when they got there was enslave and torture and kill the native population.

they built it up

in a plantation society

but the freed African slaves were in charge

so they in turn did the same thing that happened

to them when they got robbed from there

it was pretty horrific

their government system

is an exact copy of the United States

it was written by Congress

of the United States after the Civil War

Liberia

and at corrupt.vbs.tv

that's the one I'm talking about

I was going to start googling for it

They have one

They went to North Korea also

The guy went to North Korea

It was pretty good

I highly recommend going to YouTube

And type in VBS

As in Victor Bravo Sierra

Victory Bravo Sierra

VBS Space Liberia

And it's called

The Vice Guide to Travel

Liberia

They've got all the different parts

And then also there

The Watch the North Korea one

While you're at it

They also have it on their website

You can catch it there

or vbs.tv, I believe it is.

I don't know if they've had any

other since then.

Need to explain that some of Tuck's slaves escaped and went there.

That's what it was.

More prank calls, everybody.

Let's see, do I have any numbers?

Oh yeah, we got Resort in California.

My bad.

I've never taken a shit in the ocean.

I've taken a piss or two in the ocean.

That feels really good to take a piss in the water.

Your bladder feels so emptied out

when you piss in the ocean.

I'll piss in the ocean.

Does it get any warmer, though?

Does the water get any warmer?

No, it doesn't.

Does it get yellow instead of green?

If you know the style,

let me know if you want the writer.

See, the restaurant's open.

We'll talk about shit.

Big shit.

You have made an invalid entry.

Hold while I try that extension.

Jesus.

That's going to do 1-1-1.

Excuse me.

Milkman, you been drinking any beers lately?

Any alcohol?

Now's a good time to drink beer, you know.

It's a good beer time.

I had some Bex.

You had some Bex?

I have never had a Bex, you know.

I've never had a dark beer

because it looks just so kind of eww.

I've had a sip of a black and tan one,

So that's it.

Beck's dark beer is pretty good.

It's not really that strong, but it's just a little bit more flavor.

It's not very real class.

It's pretty good, actually.

I think you'd like it.

If you like Beck's, you'd love the dark.

All right.

Cool.

Good deal.

You're already okay?

You can handle this?

You're okay with this?

Yeah, I like Beck's, even if it's not dark.

All right.

MSC3 Clay sent a picture of the beach, and it's called Buchanan Beach.

You see, they named it after American presidents and stuff, and vice presidents and shit.

Buchanan.

and yeah, you see the beach

it is very, very fucking nasty

yeah, but you guys gotta watch this documentary

post it in the chat

give a shit for that man, post that in the chat

he did, MSC3 Clay

he's got a link right there in the chat

Buchanan Beach in Liberia

let me post a

I'm gonna post a link, if you're in the chat room

I'm gonna post a link to the first episode of the Vice Guide to Travel

in Liberia

and I recommend also checking out their

I also recommend checking out their

Vice Guide Travel to North Korea

you it was very very cool how mechanically weird that fucking whole experience was wow there you

go watch those in order can i get those links out of this java here man to share when i find stuff

i'll have to share it with the guys with you kids i love the kids can you send it to me on gtalk man

because i cannot get to copy the links out of java i won't let you that sucks um all right yeah

let me do that give me the one from my uh from ms3 too i'll do that one i'll do that one first

I might have a Bex tomorrow, man

Alright, Milkman, I sent you both links

I sent you the YouTube link and before that

I sent you the picture link from Clay

Okay, cool

Yeah, correct mention in general, Butt Naked

And I'll tell you what, I remember Butt Naked

Because back in 2006

When I first got my HDTV

I remember I was

Going through the high channels

And around there there was an HD

News station

I forgot which one it is

The one that Dan Rather goes on sometimes, HDNet, that's what it was.

And they were showing a documentary in HD, and it was about the 2005 or 2006 Civil War in Liberia.

And they kept talking about how scared they were of General Butt-Naked.

And he's this guy, the general, and he used to just get naked.

He was one of the warlords.

He used to get naked, and his troops were all teenagers and kids and boys with AK-47s.

And they would all get naked

And go into battle

And they were like one of the strongest ones

They were the ones that ended up

Taking over a whole bunch of land

And they used to kill an innocent kid

They had to drink the blood

And kill and eat the parts

Of an innocent kid

For good luck for the battle

Right before they went to battle

They would sacrifice the kid

And now he's a minister

He's like a born again Christian

And he's all sorry

And he's praising God

and spreading the word to save Liberia and shit.

That is crazy.

Yeah, I mean, he's a Republican.

He's a Republican now.

He ought to join the key fact party.

They talked to him.

Actually, matter of fact,

they follow him around

for a good portion of that documentary.

He becomes friend with the guy.

And they follow him to church and everything, you know,

and he's out there and he's like,

I used to be a journal butt naked,

and now God come to me,

and Jesus come to me and teach me.

I am wrong, and I have to save Liberia.

And a lot of people think he's just doing it just to not get tried for war crimes.

It's a little ploy he's doing.

Anyway, watch it, folks.

Damn, check out them rookies.

Here's one I haven't seen.

See, this is a new one.

I've got to watch this.

Vice Guide to Travel, Gorillas in the Mist.

I guess, where's it at?

Let me see.

Hang on, let me look at that.

I haven't seen that one.

Now I've got something to watch tonight.

Yeah.

I don't know where they go in this.

Check out the dookies.

Yeah.

All right, cool.

I've got to watch that, Gorillas in the Mist.

Advise guys to travel about, I guess, in the jungle somewhere.

Some African jungle or something.

Okay, everybody.

Let's do more prank calls before we call it a night here.

Slacking off.

Let's do a wake-up call to Miss Mary Miller.

Well, that'd be a good call.

We haven't called Mary and Miss Mary in a long time.

Oh, Miss Mary.

God bless her.

You think she's still alive?

Poor old lady.

Miss Mary.

Some black guy started answering the phone there.

Hello?

Hello, Mary?

All right.

Mary, just milk, man.

Yeah, we haven't talked to Debra for a long time either.

Debra Manfield.

She was always

the talk of the year.

We got her number.

Oh, yeah, she's always

just happy to talk

to me and you.

All right.

See if this Chinese restaurant

that Brennan sent in

is still up there.

Got that on a big board

over here.

Good to have you back,

Milkman.

We do this more often.

Hey, thanks.

Yeah, cool.

I like that dookie beach, man.

That looks hot.

No.

We've been on for exactly

two hours, Milkman,

you and I,

on this conference

on Skype.

Been holding up pretty good,

I think.

It's not cutting out

enough.

Amazing.

You just can't hear

the audio while I'm playing it,

like the music and stuff,

but it's good this way you can you hear better no problem sir hello hello what's the big deal

hello yeah i wanted to call and make an order but you're making nasty comments over there

oh i'm sorry i have a two line so that's why uh-huh yeah two different lines okay what do you

like to order oh you have two telephone machines yes oh okay that's good okay we have your phone

number yeah i wanted the number two for pickup what's your number two the number two that you

you have there in the shower you know the toilet what yeah number two special what's the number two

special um you know you have an oven there right you use the oven or just no are you you okay or

you just wanna fight him with me no no i don't want to fight no sweetie it's what do you want

to do then you give me your phone number first number two specials what i'm telling you the

number okay bye-bye no no i'm gonna explain to the number two special stupid try to call her back

Okay, bye-bye.

Yeah, I'll give you the number now.

I'm sorry.

I didn't understand.

What's your number?

It's, uh...

Okay, who's this number to?

That's my, uh, my cell phone.

My cell phone machine.

No, no, I know your phone.

You give me a last-ditch phone number.

What do you want to do?

What is the number to?

It's to my cell phone.

I'm in my hotel, and it's, I guess, my cell phone.

I'm asking you, where's your number to dinner?

Oh, the number to...

I'm sorry.

Yeah, it's, um...

You're supposed to go there and you make a number 2

Into the pan or the oven

You turn around

You know

Hello

Answering

I'm on this kick about shitting in the oven tonight

Listen

Can you

I need to plate the order

Please

Jesus Christ

That's what Nunu's saying

Yeah Herbal Bacon's bringing up

On the North Korea

Korea travel guide, Herbal Bacon, is bringing up, yeah, at some point, 100,000.

It was, like, about the size of the number of people that were in the opening ceremony for the China Olympics.

It was, like, about that many people, like, in front for, like, this one guy and, like, three other Korean people.

You got to watch it.

It's the craziest shit, dude.

That is the craziest shit.

They only let so many people in.

And it's the craziest stuff, man.

If you watch this video, his first night there, you've got to go through their government.

You've got to fly to China, and you bribe the Chinese authorities at the border to North Korea.

And then you get signed up to go into North Korea as a reporter or whatever.

And if you're from America or whatever, they only do this once every two months.

They bring in a little group of reporters or whatever, visitors from other countries to experience North Korea.

and you do exactly the tour that they tell you to do everything's timed and coordinated you stay

wherever and his first day there he's in the in the capital pyongyang in his hotel huge hotel

and he's the only person in the hotel like at all and it's a hotel that's like you know 30

stories high maybe more than that like a huge building and he has dinner the first night and

they lay out a banquet room full of you know place settings and all the food and the appetizers

and it's only him eating by himself there and a whole banquet room that's set up and they they

bring out they serve the food you know to the bank room like he gets his soup and they they

fill out like 200 different soups like if there's a huge banquet there and they do it on purpose to

show you know oh you know we don't want you to think that north korea doesn't have food that

we're poor and they waste all this food they make a big show of a big banquet and he's the only

person there

I know it sounds weird

you gotta watch it

they do karaoke

they should have

brought Jack Masterson

yeah

yeah he would have

eaten all it up

they would have been

so eager to please

them

right

alright gentlemen

thank you Brendan

for that number

to that Chinese lady

who's really angry

or upset or scared

we got a number

for England

for someone named

P.F.

give P.F. a call

I knew P.F.

he was always

B.F.ing

P.F. Chang

yeah you know

what B.F.ing is right

what fucking

B.F.ing

Hello?

Yeah, hello.

Is this PF?

Hello?

Yes, ma'am.

How are you tonight?

Did I wake you up?

Yes.

Are you awake now?

Because you're down here for a 6 a.m. wake-up call.

No.

From the front desk.

This is a residential home you've run.

Yes, that's right.

You're signing up for a front desk telephone service, joke of the day, wake-up call, 6 a.m., joke of the day, and the daily news and weather.

Joke of the day.

And who's...

We got here a PF...

I'm calling from the call center in Chicago, Illinois.

Well, no, the system will keep calling you, sir.

Doesn't seem to understand.

I never get a chance to say the joke of the day.

One day we'll get to.

Nunu, get the joke of the day ready, please.

Send me a pearl.

Yes, so if you're ready for the joke of the day...

Go away.

Would you rather let the weather first?

Go away, all right?

Do you need to unsubscribe to the service?

Let me know.

Just go away.

Go away.

You go away right now.

Milkman, you there?

Yeah.

Go away.

It's on the big cranky.

Well, no takers on doing conference calls tonight, so if I get anybody who's interested in that, let me know.

We'll open up the phone bridge.

If not, then nothing, motherfucker.

Yes, Bob Childs.

All right, we got George.

Need to need a pro-gross joke ASAP in an old news article.

Meantime, I'm going to play a prank call from the past.

We're at about 45 minutes of the show.

Thank you for calling.

Yo, what's up?

How you doing, yo?

I'm doing good.

Yo, we said you was good.

I'm sorry?

Fucking bro, look.

Look, yo, I left my diabetes monitor and my insulin shots on top of this big machine.

You know the one that I'm talking about?

Do you know where it's at?

Yeah, it was in the casino there.

There was no windows or nothing, man.

I left the machine.

This machine, it goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

You know that one?

Do you know what kind of machine it is?

It's the machine.

Yeah, it goes bing, bing, bing, bing like that.

When you put the money in, you pull the thing, the pee-pee down.

it goes like that and then i put the machine on i need the medicine man okay fucking bro give me

the shit do you have lost and found yes let me find out if they found it connect me to lost and

found immediately sure now okay hello where are you transferring is this a is this a native

american casino the which one are you looking for this is casino casino casino yeah okay let

Let me transfer you to the...

Hold on.

Jesus.

What's going on?

Is this an Indian Native American casino, or what is this exactly?

Can you explain it to me, please?

It is.

So, okay.

I was looking for your lost and found, because I...

And I broke character in the meantime.

But I was looking for your lost and found, because unfortunately, I left my diabetes kit in front, on top of the machine.

And everyone's asking me, which machine, which machine?

And I think it's a joke at this point.

And I heard on 2020 that there's this racket where casinos and places, they have a lost and found, and they keep the stuff and they don't give it back, and they sell it later after a year when the state says that it's legally your property in the state of Arizona after a year.

Is that true?

How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

Well, I can't answer that because I work in the back, so I don't know.

You work in the back?

I mean, it's not true, yeah.

Is there anybody who works?

I can answer the phone.

Are there any men who work in the back also?

Did you want to speak to a supervisor, a security supervisor or something?

Well, what do you mean?

Are you reporting me or something?

What's going on here?

I mean, I don't want any trouble.

Well, I need to transfer your calls.

Why am I going to answer?

Why don't we have my green card out and take my social security number?

What's the problem?

Oh, she dared hang up on me.

To place a call, press 1.

Please enter your destination number, starting with the area code, followed by the pound sign.

Thank you for calling.

I need to speak to the Puerto Rican casino.

Puerto Rican?

Yeah, the Seoul one, the Spanish one, or the Puerto Ricans or something.

It's a yucky casino.

You said it was...

You transferred to a woman who called me a bad racist word,

and she hung up on me after I told her that I...

That was casino...

There's some bad people there.

Let me call security personally on their cell,

and then I'll transfer you over, okay?

I don't want any trouble with security.

Well, they're the ones that have the lost and found.

Oh, God.

Are they nice people?

Yes.

I don't know what their problem was.

Hold on.

Assholes.

Did she come back, or what happened?

What the fuck is she talking about?

Oh, you've just been talking, and nothing's happened yet.

Oh, okay.

No, I hung up on accident, because I cleared the line on accident.

God, I've been doing that.

I've been really bad with the line lately.

But didn't you have a prank call to himself?

I guess so.

Mugman's over there entertaining.

He's, like, playing with little dolls by himself.

So, look at me.

This is my Carlito doll over here.

This is Brookman doll.

And here's the Tuck doll.

Casino security.

Hi, is this the Puerto Rican casino?

Uh, no, this is your casino.

Well, see, because I called earlier, and I was with some woman that I've been hung up on twice.

I lost my diabetes machine when I was in the casino.

I put it on top of that machine over there, and now no one says they can find it.

Are you breathing into the phone?

No.

Stop doing that.

Stop breathing into the phone.

Stop breathing into the phone, ma'am, please.

I'm not doing anything.

Who is this?

Someone's breathing.

You're making a lot of noise.

Is your nose close to the phone?

That's disgusting.

No, it's not.

I need my diabetes medicine.

I need my insulin and my pills and my blood glucose.

What machine is it on?

The one that goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

That one.

There's a machine.

I was sitting at it.

I know you people know which one it is.

I left my pills there, and I need them.

I saw on the TV, on the newsbusters, they said that you people were taking the stuff and keeping it after a year,

and then you sell them on places like that.

You sell them back, the people's property.

I can hear the machine in the background. It's that one.

This is stupid.

Hello?

Yes, did you find my pills yet?

No, we didn't.

I was talking to this guy over there, and he said that he was going to look, and then he hung up on me.

What machine number?

It's the one that I can hear in the background.

and it makes that noise all the time.

That machine, I sat down, I was pulling down the thing and everything,

and the next thing I know, my pills, I left them either inside where the money goes

or on the very top next to the light machine.

I need these pills because I'm feeling my sugar's already very low,

and I can't get behind the wheel of my rental car now.

Hold on, we'll check.

Can you please help me?

And they hung up again.

All right, I'm done with them.

Place a call.

Press 1.

Yeah, that's right.

We're, uh, excuse me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, hey.

We're all done with it.

All right, we're back.

Oakman, you should be there.

Oakman?

Yeah, I'm here.

Those are some classics.

Oh, yeah, those are classics.

Yeah, the casino one's always been a favorite.

Ring, ring, ring, ring.

All right, everybody's interested.

I'm posting now the Madhouse conference call number and the conference ID.

If you want to join in, the last bit of show.

So join in the fun, madhouselive.com.

We're here once a week or so.

We do things.

We have fun.

It would be nice to do an afternoon show tomorrow.

I don't know if I'm going to have it.

I'm not going to have a chance tomorrow, and I'm not going to have a chance Friday.

Um, no.

I wish I could, but I've got way too much going on this week.

I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but I'm just being serious.

I've got a lot to do.

I didn't want to, did I?

I like to do afternoon shows.

It's fun.

If you do want to join us during the conference, it's call 712-432-6060.

712-432-6060.

Entering conference ID 417-783.

Excuse me.

Or just look in the Madhouse chat room.

The instructions are there.

Or send me a message.

I'll send you the information.

Thank you.

In the meantime, we'll play another song here that isn't getting us so fucking tired and angry.

And do our wake-up calls to the UK, like good little boys and girls.

Let's call that George I was talking about.

We've got a person named Gay in England also.

Let's call Gay.

Yes, this is Gay.

Yes, speaking.

Good morning, Gay.

My name is Cross.

Good morning.

I'm calling from the International Telephone Business Machines with your...

Well, you can piss at this time of the morning.

Yes, I'm calling with your 6 a.m. wake-up call.

Hello.

What did she say I could do at this time of the morning?

I didn't catch it.

Hang on.

Let's call her back.

I got a number for Christopher here also in England.

Welcome to the messaging service.

Fuck you, messaging service.

Christopher.

She told me to piss off.

I got it.

Hey, George.

Yes, we want.

Yes, good morning.

This is Cross.

I'm calling with your 6 a.m. wake-up call.

You're signed up here for the weather, news of the day, and the joy of the day.

I'm not signed up for anything at all.

I've certainly got no wake-up nonsense.

You woke me up to sleep.

Yeah, but you're signed up here, sir, for George Davies.

I've got you signed up for a 6 a.m. wake-up call, joke of the day, weather report.

I don't know whether it's a joke or what the hell it is, but I'm not interested to go away.

Who knows, I have to give you this information or the system keeps calling you

until I put down that you got it for the morning.

Well, undo the bloody system. I want nothing about it, thank you.

You have to unsubscribe yourself, sir. It's not my responsibility. Hello?

You don't know which idiots set this up, do you?

Well, after you get the joke of the day and the news and the weather,

then I think the system will let you unsubscribe for the first time.

He's not going to call him back.

You don't know him.

He's so prim and proper.

Well, sir, sir.

One last time.

George, George.

One last time with George.

I'll get to the phone in a moment.

Well, George, this is Cross again with your joke of the day.

The other day, Bob went down on the beach, you know, and he's a 90-pound weakling.

You know, down there and that there 200-pound bully knocked the sand in his face.

Bob said, I got to gain some weight.

He came home and he gained some weight, all right.

He got up to about 200 pounds.

And guess what?

He went back to that there beach and that 400-pound bull just kicked sand in his face.

You think he's going to gain 400 pounds?

Probably will the way he eats.

Thank you very much, sir.

Appreciate your business.

Thanks for choosing International Business Telephone Machines.

Thank you for calling.

We're on the Voice Bridge, everybody.

Madhouse Radio here for a October 7th.

You didn't even have to toast it up, huh?

Thank you for your vote of confidence, sir.

Much obliterated.

I do declare.

I think we're out of numbers, I do declare.

I think we're done with the show.

Have you seen that new Hawaii 50 yet?

I saw a commercial for it when I was watching Survivor last week.

I don't think I got it set to record.

Did it drop yet, or are they just talking about it still?

No, it's been shown.

I just haven't seen it.

It's been shown.

I've heard it's good.

We've got one last number here to do.

Confirmers, go ahead and shut down for the night.

Uh, we're calling BM, as in bowel movement, in England.

We'll do one last wake-up call here.

Caller and I, thank you everyone who tuned in tonight.

It's been great, emotional, fun, great having Milkman back on the air.

Awesome.

What's going on, man?

By dying in the chat room here, they're all on this, uh, spice room.

I guess so, they're on the spice.

No one called the conference room, you see what I mean?

No one cares for it.

Hello?

Yeah, hi, this is BM.

I'm looking for King.

Well, this is Mrs. King.

Hi, Mrs. King.

I'm calling with your 6 a.m. wake-up call.

I'm sorry we're a little bit late.

I'm calling with a joke of the day, weather report, and news of the day.

And your 6 a.m. wake-up call.

You're down here in the computer system for the wake-up call.

If this is some kind of joke, it's not very funny.

No, it's not a joke.

This is serious.

It's your 6 a.m. wake-up call.

Well, I don't have it.

Well, you signed up for it.

That's absolute rubbish.

How dare you?

This is how I make a living.

Whatever.

I'm tired.

I'm done with this show.

I'm done with this show, Milkman.

Milkman, take us out of here, man.

Come on.

Do it.

You did?

All right.

Cool.

All right.

Cool.

Absolutely rubbish.

Yeah.

Yeah, anyway, well.

All right, well, hey, that's been good, man.

It's been good coming back and talking to everybody.

And hearing their numbers on my house.

Thanks for our special guest.

Yeah.

Our numbers hit, man.

That's right.

Our numbers hit, man.

The model numbers and we loaded cartridge.

Numbers hit, man.

Thank you so much for doing some looms.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for thanking Nunu.

He's our, he's our assistant.

Well, thank you so much for joining us, Nunu, and did your Tesco coupons come back?

And I'd like to thank Tosso.

Thank you so much for joining us.

Life like hell, my old buddy, life like hell.

Good friends there.

Hello so much.

And a guy I met up here in the northern drug shop.

Okay, hey, Coke, I can get back to you.

And we had a pretty good show up here.

Prince Five, Carat, we got all kinds of tortures in here.

I guess that's what happened.

I'm trying to get everybody's samples of the synthetic cannabis.

I'd like to thank you, especially our listeners.

What would we do?

Every week we come on here and provide interactive fun anywhere in the East.

We'd take you and donate to adjusting fun in here with you in the Madhouse.

Hey, I'm Jake.

I'm Juanito Carly.

Thank you so much, big man.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Milkman.

Well, it was great having you back on, like I said before.

And be sure to visit madhouselife.com.

We'll be back next week.

Stay tuned to the website for indication of when that will be.

We've got a good countdown clock on there.

Be sure to follow us on Twitter, Facebook, wherever it is that you can.

Keep yourself informed.

I'll try to let you guys know when the next live show next week will be exactly.

We might even do a weekend show.

You never know.

Shit like that happens.

Phone shows on this station also.

Tuesday nights, of course.

And Tuck does his show on a weekly basis.

Night depends.

We look out for that.

And also visit the forums.

all that stuff

there's so much

you need to just go to

madhouselive.com already

alright

alright milkman

brother

see you next week

thank you so much

everybody

peace out

FGC

get the cheers

get the laughs

dude check y'all

nigga

show some love

us niggas don't know

how long we gonna be here

feel me

enjoy this shit

enjoy yourself

and then we outta here

sit

Calls (19, 1 h 6 min of 2 h 19 min)

Transcript

Comments 0