What Kind of Nutter Are You?

we haven't ordered a wake-up call what kind of nutter are you you ordered it through text phone

machine right seven pounds a minute we ordered nothing we're not home right now or internet's

down or we're on you are listening to the madhouse radio podcast

with skype that's fixed down i'm having trouble with the video feed though milkman you got me

on speakerphone again because i'm hearing myself you can't have me on speakerphone you can't have

me on speakerphone if we're going to be doing a show what's that okay can you hear me now yeah i

hear you but you had me on speakerphone or something it was like uh coming in with an echo

you can't do that what's that about you know better than that all right you know you're not

supposed to do that milkman huh geez how you doing milkman how you been how was your week all right

what's going on here my nito not much just uh here ready i got this great recipe man i'm actually

to try out with cucumber.

Yeah.

Yeah, man, my buddy sent me

this awesome recipe.

Killer, man.

Homegrown, you know.

It's like family recipes

from the islands, man.

So I'm going to let you know

how it turns out

as soon as I get it.

As far as I know,

I gave it to you on the phone.

Like, I gave it to you

over the phone,

and it's an easy recipe.

You need me to,

you know what I mean?

You need me to, like...

Yeah, I'll share it with you.

Yeah, no problem, dude.

I'll share it with you, man.

I think you'll like it.

You probably even had

something like it before.

Yeah, okay, probably, maybe,

Maybe, but you're kind of far away, so how are you going to share it with me?

You know what I mean?

I mean, whoa, whoa.

Give me a second.

Well, you know yourself, dude.

Come on, man.

It's the wine.

It's the intention that really counts.

Is it raining over there in California where you're at at all?

At all?

Because it's like dry as bone.

Dry as bones here, man.

Well, there's plenty of weed around here from what I hear.

I wasn't talking about that.

I was just saying it's just dry.

Like, physically, the weather is very dry.

Very dry.

I'm not talking about that milk, man.

I don't do that kind of stuff, that nasty stuff anymore.

It is Madhouse Radio for a Wednesday night.

It's 10 p.m. Eastern.

We've got a lot going on tonight.

It is October the 13th.

I'm listening to Carlito and Milkman calling in via the Satellite Link Up Center.

He's over in the Satellite Center on the East Coast in our East Coast Bureau.

You know, Milkman, that's something that doesn't exist that much anymore.

You know, all the big news companies, CBS and CNN.

Remember, they used to have a bureau, you know, like in L.A.

that always have a bureau there.

It's like their little head of operation

kind of area there, you know.

And they have one like in Tel Aviv or London.

And from what I understand,

like newspapers and TV stations

and networks and stuff like that,

they don't really do that anymore.

It's not like a big thing.

Welcome to the corporate world

and the corporate media, dude.

It's all one voice.

Haven't you noticed that lately?

Yeah, man, it's all...

They're all the same size of the same...

or different size of the same coin.

That's what Alex Jones says

about the whole situation.

I had to get some tea over here.

There you go.

Yeah, man, one voice, one world voice, dude.

One world program, one spoon feed for everybody.

That sucks.

Yeah, man, you need to cut your hair, bro.

Yeah, this is the longest my hair's been in years.

It's kind of scary looking at some people.

You better fluff it back up, dude.

I mean, I don't even see your hat.

My hat's right here.

Here it is.

It's right next to the Adobo.

The pranking hat's right here.

Ah, okay.

You're making me hungry with the Adobo, you know.

Yeah, man, what did I have today?

uh tonight i just had ravioli and i made the collard greens as a matter of fact i bought a

bag of collard greens milkman and i love collard greens man yeah collard greens you put bacon

grease in yours no this one i just put a little touch of olive oil no and uh i had onion and i

used a packet of that um italian dressing stuff like good seasons wow you get the gourmet collard

greens and some sea salt sea salt oh yeah i use sea salt now too bro yep and uh adobo in it also

man and i was looking at the adobo bottle so you know what i should put it on the camp today

so there you go adobo everybody condiment of the gods um there you go man sending your numbers

requests adobo ricado and sazon man those right there the staple key cornerstones of the finest

And it's cooking on the planet.

Cilantro, cilantro.

Yeah.

Great stuff.

All right, well, thanks, everyone, who's joining us tonight.

I see Coke, and he's in the house.

Good to see him.

Corruption, one of the owners of one of the Madhouse CDs out there.

A lot of other people.

I'll give you all introductions later on.

I'm a little, you know, frazzled right now.

I'm just trying to get the show settled down here.

We've got a prank request here from us.

Now, so you can send those if you want, if you're on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

Send your prank request to me over at Madhouse Radio.

That's the username.

Screen name of me, Madhouse Radio, if you're on AOL or Yahoo Messenger.

If you're on MSN Messenger, Madhouse at live.com.

Don't know, Milkman.

I see, I know you and I were talking about the upcoming election.

What date is that?

Is that going to be the 7th or the 13th?

No one even really isn't enthused.

It's such an important election.

What is election day?

Yeah, I think it's the 13th.

the democrats yeah election day that's not a friday no it's always on a wednesday right

it's always it's always the first wednesday or something it's the second tuesday of november

usually that's what it is right something like that super tuesday election day is tuesday the

second of november milkman you were going to be showing up late to work and late to vote as well

no way yeah but uh it doesn't matter how we vote how you vote or how many times you vote just vote

on the 2nd. That's coming up

pretty soon. I've got my ballot somewhere.

It's all in the paper, man. It's all

in the paper. I've got this ballot right

here. I've got my mail-in ballot.

I'm actually going to be taking it in person. There you go.

Right here. See, I'm doing my civic duty.

Awesome, dude. You've got it checked

right. Mick Mouse. Mick

E. Mouse. Awesome. Yeah, I've got

to read it. That's for a governor.

Mickey Mouse always gets like... Awesome.

Mick E. Mouse for governor and town

mayor. Mickey Mouse normally gets

like a good 15 votes in every election

i think in orlando go finger work too hard on that one i'm going to pull up the lonesome loser

log here and then we're going to do some prank calls milkman anything you want to do uh like a

prank call wise give me an idea something we can do oh my goodness have you uh how long has it been

since we've done any uh uk wake-up calls uh just about every week sir but we can do it

i'll tell you one of the funniest you know if you get a chance maybe you could pull it out

how the logs is played at manchester pub call manchester pub the red bull yeah the old lady

comes on there oh yeah screaming and having her son coughing at you oh yeah you want to play that

yeah i can play that yeah if you if you would pull that out maybe just kind of throw it out

for a flavor and some of the fun we've had with our wake-up calls you know some of our people

that have come along in more recent times may not have enjoyed some of the uh things and

flavorings of the adobo-flavored

madhouse of days earlier.

You know, just to get a little

taste and idea of why we enjoy so much

calling to our compatriots

over there in the madhouse

of England and the UK

in general. Good point, Milkman. Good point.

Very good. All excellent points.

You're hitting the nail on the head tonight.

So let's go ahead and do that, if I can remember

what it's called. I think it's just called Manchester

Pub, right? We've got a series of calls

after that. Yeah, I think it was. It's the Red Bull

Red, is it called the Red Bull Pub or something?

Or is it called the Bull's Head?

The Bull's Head Pub or something.

Hoghead or something.

Hoghead or Bull's Head or something like that.

Bull's Head, something like that, yeah.

All right, all right, I got it right here.

We'll play that.

I'm going to get some numbers here in front of me.

We'll start doing some pranks.

Enjoy this.

Give me whatever.

What's that fucking noise?

The super from the Chino Hong.

Well, why would you be phoning us at this time of the morning?

It's not morning.

It's evening over here in America still.

It's an in-transaction.

Don't speak over me.

I'll fire you.

You understand?

Too late.

I've already been fired.

Hey, you know what?

That's it, get out.

You're fired.

Don't try to take any of the beer, because I know I'm on to you.

On to you.

You're full of shit.

You're fired.

Paycheck's supposed to be.

You tell them I'm going to take away 10% for your attitude.

Why don't you go piss off?

Because I don't know who you are.

What's that supposed to mean?

You're an asshole.

I'm your owner now.

I own you.

I buy you.

You don't care what has come down here now.

You must be drinking on the job.

That's why I'm firing you, Saucy.

That's why I've got so many complaints about you.

I'm firing you.

I knew you'd get these complaints, though.

Johnson, Mr. Walker, he comes in here all the time.

He said that the other day you threw a bottle of beer at him.

You're a right joker.

I have no idea what you're saying, sweetheart.

All I know is you need to push your job list.

You're a drink today on the job.

I'm going to take it out of your last paycheck.

That's right.

You know what my name is?

Julie.

Social Security number.

It's the bull's head, but it's...

You haven't got...

Changed the name.

You've made a mistake before.

Oh, really?

You've fallen down.

I just happen to be sleeping on the job now.

Until 11, you're in the world.

We're going to go to Tuck Live, where apparently, breaking news here,

Tuck is in the middle of a conversation with a drunk-to-dead milkman.

I don't know if you knew that the dead's been drinking again,

and he's had an alcohol problem for quite some time.

Tuck, are you there?

Oh, my God! Awesome!

Hey, yeah, you haven't viewed it, and the dead's been over here trying to get over to you

about whatever he has trying to talk to you about.

All right, well, let me call the dead.

Stay on the phone with him over there, all right?

All right.

Milkman, I'm going to call you, by the way.

All right.

I'm going to call the dead.

Apparently he has something to talk.

The dead's a good friend of yours, right, Milkman?

You like the dead.

You don't have any problems.

Oh, yeah.

He's a good guy, man.

He's a good guy.

He's a little D-range.

He likes incense and sticking them in his butt and pre-cum dripping, but he's actually

a very cool guy.

All jokes aside, he's a really good guy.

He did, yes.

He did admit to us all that he likes to put those incense sticks in his ass and pre-cum

and something and a bunch of nasty...

Yeah, and lay down on the porch.

Lay down on the porch.

The number you have dialed is not in service.

Please check your directory.

The number's not in service.

I need the number. We'll get that soon.

Hang on, wait a minute. They're right there on the other side.

Hang on, let me talk to Tuck. Hey, Tuck.

Is Tuck getting the right number?

Tuck, can you check that number you sent me?

Because it's telling me it's out of service.

What do we talk? 708, not 780.

Okay, got it. There we go.

That's what.

You're back there.

Oh, man, you ought to get the conference line maybe going.

Yeah, you know what?

I think that's an even better idea.

Put him in the conference line, and then that way we could all have a little bit of fun and join in,

and people would like to, you know, meet the Dads.

You know, they might have a chance to join us if they actually show up in the conference line this week.

I don't know.

When we get too many people on there, it gets kind of crazy, and the Dad has to have it.

It's going on for a long time.

Let's see if we can reign the Dad in first.

All right, let's do that.

We've tried this with the dead before, and then it just becomes a whole clusterfuck of fuckingness.

I gotcha. I gotcha.

You know how the dead is, man.

Yeah, well, you do have the power of the big key, though.

You got the big graph key.

You can always get the big M for mute, but let's get him on the phone first before he passes out.

I'm kidding. 708. Got him now.

Lonesome Loser will be joining us at the top of the hour, or a little bit after that,

and he'll be sending in a lot of numbers as usual.

We're also going to give a call to Zolar, who was in the news for a prank he played

in front of President Barack Obama this week.

We've got that news story coming in a moment.

Hello.

The dad.

The dad, are you drinking?

Because I just fucking did my midterm, and, you know, I got a shit of race skaters in,

like, in, like, a year or so.

Oh, man, dude, did you go to Sam's and buy, like, a whole case or something?

Isn't that what you usually do?

No, I did a whole 20%, though, X40 proof.

Of what?

Well, I'm good.

Tequila?

Yeah.

Oh, wow, and you drank the whole bottle?

And, yeah, and that kind of effed me up, and, you know,

because I've been in that school for the whole,

And I finished my third exam, so I'm like, fuck it, and I did it.

So, you know, you fucking called me, so, you know, I'm like, shit.

Awesome, dude.

So what classes did you have a midterm in?

What are you in right now this semester?

You got a full term?

Full time or part time?

No, I'm full term.

History 301.

um history before 1875 1865 you know when the civil war ended um i'm taking criminal justice

probation and parole and i'm taking um i'm taking um his taking the american federal government

um you know political science american federal government and american federal government

kind of fucking easy so okay you know what i mean it's it's kind of fucking easy so

i'm doing good in it so that's good and um you know history and and the criminal church

There's both, like, level 300, 400 classes.

Okay.

So, you know what I mean?

So it's, like, a pure essay format.

Oh, fuck, the tests are all essays and it's a history class?

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, yeah, that's just a pure essay format.

Because, you know, it's not, like, community college or anything, like, multiple choice and stuff.

And even with the political science

It's a fucking pure essay

So, you know

You have to memorize the shit

And you have to, you know

Write in pure essay format

Oh, fuck that

And it's like, fuck you up

Alright, well, fuck that

We'll get right back to that

Dad, you want to sit in for a prank call?

You can even do it if you want

I got a Chinese restaurant in Los Angeles

Dialing him in right now

Um, you know what

I don't sit in, but I'm not going to do it.

I might do it next week, though.

All right.

We'll sit in.

It's connecting right now.

Is this the Chinese place and shit?

Hello?

Is this the Intel restaurant?

Yeah, hey, I was wanting to make an order.

I need three number fours.

Okay.

Four number twos.

Okay, one chicken 23, right?

Okay, come on, pick up.

Uh-huh, yeah, then I need one XLR7.

Well, sir.

Sir, please.

The dad, you got anything from him?

The dad's not saying anything.

He hung up.

Hung up on her.

I'm the one that did the hanging up here, sir.

Let's continue.

Yeah.

The dad was listening to a prank call the other day you did where you were looking for a security alarm job.

You remember that?

You said you were with ADT, but you said ADD at first.

And the guy's like, what?

You're like, hi, I'm with ADD, ADT.

I wasn't in the right state of mind, so I don't remember that.

That was funny. I'm going to play that later.

That was on the rotation.

Milkman, why haven't you been fucking calling me?

you used to call me and now you like kind of refrained by that what the hell man yeah that's

what i'm saying same thing here i've called you several times and the dad dad dad intercepted

the call and he seemed like he got kind of pissed off so i gotta kind of watch out when you're

actually there because sometimes you're not there if i call you're busy your dad's picking up the

What the fuck, you haven't called me in forever, come on.

Yeah, he's not calling anybody.

Bad Dad got mad at me last time, so I gotta admit, I've been a bad boy because Bad Dad got mad and I was afraid, so he will call in tomorrow, man, but I'm so glad to hear that you're doing well.

Call me sometime tomorrow, like around 12 o'clock, I'll be sure to pick up.

All right, ladies.

Okay, ladies, I know you're having this beautiful moment right now.

Hey, Carlito, before he goes on,

ask him to tell you about that raspberry-flavored beer he buys for $10 a bottle.

Good afternoon.

Colon Hydrotherapy Clinic.

Vanessa speaking.

Yes, hi.

Is this the Colon Hydrotherapy Center machine?

Yes, it is.

Listen, I'm coming over for some special treatments on my aeroplane,

and I need to see you about getting an appointment here.

I'm paying with U.S. dollars.

I don't have any insurance.

All right.

Does Australia have anything like the HIPAA laws of the United States

regarding health insurance, privacy, and information act?

I'm really not sure, to be honest.

In regards to this, I'm not sure.

You probably need to talk to one of the practitioners.

Yeah, I have technical questions about the procedure that I want to make at a high level.

Yeah, of course.

Are you entry level, or what level are you?

I'm the receptionist.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

Okay, sweetie.

Thank you, honey.

Sorry? Excuse me?

Go ahead and put me through to a man,

practitioner or male nurse.

I thought you said you had someone else there.

Yeah, that's okay. I can do that.

He's not available at the moment,

so I'm just going to have to get your details

so he can give you a call back.

No, but you said you had a practitioner there,

and now you're getting a little sassy.

What's this about?

No, I said I need to put you on to a practitioner.

Sorry?

That's my son on the phone.

I want to have a read.

Hey, hey, hey.

I can't hear you.

Don't say that, The Dead.

Can I rape you?

Thank you, The Dead.

Thank you for ruining the prank call.

Good work, The Dead.

Is it an echo now?

Peter, I'm going to rape you.

The Dead, I was getting her all sassy and upset.

You had to be like, I want to rape you.

We can't say that.

That's not responsible, The Dead, to say stuff like that.

You got hot.

I think Peter got hot.

The Dead, no, you can't.

Don't talk like that, The Dead.

If you're going to talk like that, no.

No.

You got your free time going now.

We don't talk like that on the air, D-Dead.

Be nice.

He's on still, D-Dead.

Shame on you.

You don't care.

He knows to be quiet.

That's what D-Dead is here for.

He's here to make those dirty comments.

Like only D-Dead can.

I would prefer you talk about your pre-com and stuff like that when they put the hose in your ass.

Don't just come out with the rape thing.

Then you're threatening a woman with rape.

I don't want to call her back anymore because then it's going to be like this big international debacle, D-Dead.

did i hang up i think i did hang up on him hang on hang on my bad let me call him back in

oh okay oh she got one of them out oh i hung up on the wrong one i meant to hang up on her over

there because she's giving me an echo she had hung up but it was giving an echo back

i think i meant to mute him and i think it was a hang up but answer to dad don't be a girl i know

you're listening right now answer the fucking phone hey we're not calm right now or internet's

It's down or...

Thank you.

Record your message at the phone.

That's an excuse for stop talking.

Did you hear the dead's voicemail?

Milkman, did you hear that?

That's funny.

I want to hear that again.

Let's call it back.

Hang on.

I got to hear the dead's voicemail.

Don't hang.

Don't pick up the dead.

We don't want to talk to you anymore.

We just want your voicemail.

We're done with you.

The dead's been done already on air.

He's still September 10th.

If the internet is down...

If the internet is down.

The internet may be down, everybody.

that explains it

home

home right now internet's down or record your

mess okay we still got to start uh putting down on people's outgoing answering machines and stuff

man whenever we get a chance i gotta isolate uh milkman and tuck uh put that on the big board

please tuck's on hang on let me take tuck off of mute actually what i can do here hang on

Milkman, are you still there?

Can you still hear me?

Milkman!

Ah, fuck.

Hello?

Hey, man.

Sorry about that.

I hit the wrong button.

There you are.

Okay, cool, man.

Sorry about that.

I hit the wrong button.

I think I hit the wrong button over there, buddy.

Okay.

Okay, cool.

My fault.

Give me a second here.

Awesome.

All right.

The dead's unanswered, but his fucking voicemail is fucking epic.

I love it.

Gotta love the dead, man.

So, Nunu is throwing around an idea with us over here.

here new talking about uh oh what was it christmas carols that we could call in to the uk and i'm

like dude it's not even halloween yet do they even do halloween outside of the united states

they do it in puerto rico they do the fourth of july in puerto rico because they just want a day

off you know i was like whatever it's fourth of july we get to go to the beach just like the

gringos do on the mainland meaning has always had something crazy cooking all right uh we're

We're going to get to some more prank calls here, of course.

We're doing our normal kind of warming up, letting people settle in.

We do this show for about three hours, so we finish at about 1 o'clock in the morning Eastern Standard Time.

This is Madhouse Radio.

It's currently 10.35 p.m. Eastern, 7.35 Pacific, and something like 3 a.m. in the U.K., GMT,

and for a large portion of our European audience.

That's right, and if you missed it, we had a guest appearance from the dead, none other than.

And we may come back, come through and call back into the show later.

So stay tuned for some more crazy action.

Did Ed interested in colon hydrotherapy and interested in raping receptionists tonight?

I dropped this call as a result of the confusion and malarkey.

And he's not picking up.

And then we heard his voicemail.

There you go.

Now we're going to call a barbecue place in San Jose, California.

Armando, you know what happened?

AT&T security is already tracking the dead as we speak now,

so he had to disconnect his internet.

Probably, because, you know, Australia, they have extradition laws with the United States.

They're one of our partners of CETO, the Southeast Asian Trade Organization.

The call is now being traced by AT&T security and call tracing network.

You will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

There's your proof right there.

That was very loud.

Sorry, everybody.

I've got to fix that soundboard machine.

I mean, I'm going to bring it down to a toss.

Blue Rock Barbecue, this is Michelle.

Hey, what do you say there, Big Michelle?

How are you doing?

Good.

Hey, big girl.

I had a question about the barbecue sauce, preferably the low-gluten version of it

and what kind of rating it has on the ampersand rating scale.

Oh, hold on one second.

Let me get Owen.

Big Owen.

Why do I always have to talk about gluten?

That would be bad if it was gluten intolerant.

That would be a bad thing, Milkman.

It's in everything.

Gluten.

and it makes things gluey.

I wish I was calling Australia again.

Let's find more Australian numbers, Milkman,

huh, motherfucker? Everybody out there,

if you're out there right now, go

look up in your Google machine or your

whitepages.com, funny

businesses and names of people in Australia.

Something like 3 p.m. over there.

I don't know. It's afternoon time there

tomorrow. We'll be calling into the future.

Life has always got a

good line on those. Yeah, I think they

are, what, 15 hours ahead of

of us there fuck so it's 11 a.m over there 11 30 a.m tomorrow right there you know well no but

they've got four time zones they've got four time zones out there though so it could be very

different we call we usually call the western coast because it's you know there's more uh

personnel on the western coast that's melbourne adelaide queensland sydney y'all near on the

left coast you got perth and then a lot of deserts so usually we kind of go with i got a pizza hut

up here in Tasmania, Australia.

We can give them a call.

Well, we're waiting on the other one.

Awesome.

Pizza Hut in Tasmania.

What time is it in Tasmania?

It should be the same time as it is on the East Coast.

Fuck yeah.

About 15 hours from now.

How old is that one?

15 and 30.

Hello, Owen.

Big Owen, how are you doing?

Hello.

How are you doing there, Big Owen?

Who is this?

This is Valente.

How have you been?

Good.

What do you have to do?

I don't need to hear any rudeness over there from the staff when I'm asking to talk to

people and make decisions.

I don't appreciate that kind of treatment on the phone.

What can I do for you?

I'm a citizen of the United States of America, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity.

Well, let's go for it.

I command you to give me the price of a latte.

A latte?

I'm sorry, we don't have those.

Perfect, then.

And the sauce of barbecue.

Gluten in it, yes or no?

And what's the scale on the ampersand scale?

What's the rating?

The gluten, there is gluten in the barbecue sauce.

We have soy sauce in there, so that puts gluten in it.

If you need a gluten-free sauce, we do have a spicy sauce.

We don't put it on the table, but it is gluten-free.

It's not raging hot, but it's a little bit sweet, a little bit spicy.

It's very popular, and the regular barbecue sauce is with gluten.

With that said, if you need that version or that sauce without gluten,

I've made special batches for people if that's important to you.

I'd be happy to do that, but it normally has gluten in it.

What, are you sick?

Pardon?

What, are you sick?

What are you talking about numbers for?

What's this about numbers?

Why are you yelling at me about numbers?

I don't understand what the problem is.

Why are you getting fresh with me?

What's this about numbers you're talking about, sir?

Dude, the prank wasn't going anywhere, Milkman, so I just thought I'd say weird stuff.

That's all right.

We got the money shot in.

Pretty stupid, Milkman.

You don't help out when you laugh at like that.

Now, what was the last call we did before that?

I'm already starting to forget stuff.

stuff you was gonna call pizza hut in uh tagmania oh is that who i called yeah after why was i

talking about barbecue back up because you was on hold the barbecue anytime this is jessica speaking

how can i help you listen these people over there explaining to me that there's barbecue over here

and i'm telling this is no such thing there's no such thing there's no such thing as barbecue

at this place that we're talking about right um no there's barbecue now when i called in and

And people will say, oh, yeah, we have barbecue over here.

Why are you people trying to misdirect me and playing jokes and games and screaming about numbers?

Where's Owen?

Pardon?

You put that Owen back in the phone with me right now.

Put what?

Sorry?

That woman, Owen.

Put him on the phone.

I think you might have the wrong number.

No, let me speak to Owen.

There is no Owen here.

I'm sorry.

I swear to God, I just called over there and I spoke to Owen.

No, wrong number.

Sorry.

What do you do then?

I'm just a waitress.

What place?

Where are you?

Pizza Hut in Newtown?

Yeah, but wasn't I just talking to a guy there and his name was Owen and he got upset at me about the spaces?

Um, no.

Oh, God.

That's the wrong number.

I'm starting to forget stuff.

I'm forgetting who I'm talking to.

Do you have any idea?

No, I don't.

Sorry.

Okay.

Well.

Sorry.

All right.

See you later.

Whatever.

Bye.

I don't know what to tell these people, Milkman.

I'm still kind of...

Oh, you should have asked.

I was back in Virginia, but you didn't get it.

I said, ask for Tasman Devil's on your pizza.

Well, who did I call?

I was talking to Owen about gluten.

Where's the barbecue?

You called them before that.

And then he picked up, but you was on hold, and you dialed the last number that you dialed,

which was a Tasmanian pizza.

No, no, no.

Yeah, but before that, it was the Blue Rock Barbecue in San Jose, California.

Right.

There we go.

And you got put on hold, and you started to call that other number, and then he picked up finally.

And what happened with that guy?

What did he say?

He picked up while he was on hold.

he was on hold

all that time

and then he picked up

as you dialed

oh man

he picked up

so that's why

he came on

yeah okay

and then when you

hit redial

it went back

to the Tasmanian

number

and she answered

Tasmanian

I like making you

explain stuff

Milkman

you're alright man

the dead does a

better job though

House of Kebab

coming up

we also called

Colon Hydrotherapy

in Sydney, Australia

that was a fun time

we're gonna rape them

hi

hello

Hello.

Who is it?

Also, tell me, aren't you?

Yeah, hi.

I wanted to ask about doing a pickup order there, takeout order.

What can I get for you?

What?

What can I get for you?

Can I get the number two, please?

The kheer?

Yeah, number two.

Anything else?

Yeah, and then the kebab meats.

Do you have the shrimp kebab at all?

Do you do any seafood?

We have white fish.

That's it.

I want pork kebab with pork meats.

Pork, we don't serve.

Why not?

That's how it is.

Yeah, but this is, you know, you can make an exception here.

I'll bring in, what if I bring in meats?

You don't have pork, sir.

How much money would it take to make some pork down there?

And just for me to eat, and then we clean it afterwards.

We don't have any pork meats, sir.

I clean it with vinegar afterwards.

I just want to use your machines.

We don't have it, sir.

I have the pork.

We cannot make it.

We can't make it with your sauce.

Listen, when I was in Dubai, they used to, these places had a pork license.

You know what I mean?

Are you Lebanese or Persian or what are you?

I'm Persian.

Ah, you see, that's why.

That's what the problem with you is.

Yeah.

Because you're different.

Yeah.

Yeah, because you're Persian, and you think you're better than the rest of Islam, but you're not.

So you want to order for something or no?

Yeah, pork kebab.

We don't have pork kebab.

I make the pork kebab.

I'll make it.

Enjoy it.

Thank you very much.

It's going to taste so good.

You got some funky music going on back there, don't they?

They did that.

Didn't we do a license to pork?

Wasn't that a call?

We did call Dubai, right?

Let's look that up.

I want to hear that now.

That's a good one.

Yeah, that's a classic too.

Yeah, with that mouth.

License to pork, right?

And, hey, we've got to do the one that I talked about, the dead working for ADD.

I mean, ADD.

Yeah, you said ADD.

This is the dead.

I work for ADD.

Oh, my God.

License to pork first, though.

I got a number in the United Arab Emirates.

Al Bayer Cold Store.

Isn't that where Dubai is?

UAE.

Aloha.

You're from the embassy of the United States of America.

How are you, sir?

The United States Embassy of America.

A special investigation.

I have reason to believe that you are selling, you are serving bacon there, sir.

We are not making anything.

Okay, well, I would like some pork.

Bacon burger.

We are not the pork.

Well, I am in the mood for bacon, and I'm an American.

This is America, and you will sell me pork.

Do not sell me pork.

This is a free country.

Huh?

This is a free country, and I would like pork chops and bacon, and you will provide this for me now.

No, I can't.

I told you, we are not keeping this item.

Kosher meat?

No, kosher meat, no pork item.

And a Chevitz?

No, no, we have chicken, lamb, I like that.

Burger.

No, why do you not have bacon?

Why not?

What is this?

Why no pork?

You're supposed to keep a supply of pork.

We have a license.

You don't have a pork license?

License.

I will make a fake license, and you get the pork for me.

Come on, man.

I don't want your license or anything.

Leave me.

I would want you to make me a burger.

Pork chop.

It's a big piece of shit.

All right, everybody.

Madhouse Radio is here.

That's me, Carlito.

Milkman's on the phone machine as well.

Tuck.

Tuck's spreading love from Team Speak as well.

Tuck, I tried to call you on the Skype.

It didn't work.

And if you want to try again, I'll connect you on there.

I'm downstairs.

All right.

Kokanee's here also.

That was a good bubble buoy, wasn't it?

That was good.

Wolf?

We're both?

All right.

Having a good time here.

What's that Russian airbag test about?

What was what, Milkman?

Explain.

The Russian airbag test there.

We got a news clip that was posted in the chat there.

The Russian airbag test.

Hang on.

Let me see this.

Yeah, Kokanee posted that clip there.

Can you explain it?

Russian airbag test.

all right i'll i'll put it up uh oh yeah hey let's call uh zolar here on the back line real

quick let him know we're going to be calling him back on the front line okay uh zolar had a

crazy event i want i'm going to let zolar explain it but we're going to have to call him uh hopefully

he picks up i heard about you throwing a book at president this last weekend something like that

he made sex in front of the president or something i don't know yeah he was naked

You shouldn't throw a book at him.

Yeah, because books are like kryptonite to a nigga.

That's what Chris Rock says.

Sorry.

Hey, that's not my words, okay?

I don't say the N-word.

Come on, Zolar.

You fucking pogue.

But you said that, though.

Let's see.

He recorded a new version of that.

Hey, Zolar.

Zolar.

It's Carlito.

We're on the air.

We know we're going to do that thing that we were talking about, that thing on the thing.

So just give me a call back when you get a chance.

If you get this, thank you.

Let's see.

He usually calls back.

He's hiding.

He's hiding out.

Now, apparently something happened where, you know, we were on Battle Cam once, not too long ago.

Why is this playing?

I saw that Battle Cam thing.

We were on Battle Cam like two or three months ago anyway.

It didn't work out very well.

I didn't like it.

And Zolar's been on there lately.

Lately.

Lately, and he made friends with the founder there.

He's like this billionaire who's been in a few movies or something.

I don't know.

He's got a lot of money.

He's some U.K. queer guy.

and uh he's the guy that runs it i don't know but uh he's got a he had a one million dollar

prize that he announced whenever a few weeks ago or something that said if someone could um

you know get with a with an earshot an eyeshot of president obama and streak naked and say

battlecam.com six times um that they would win a million dollars so zola is like all right

Right? Zola was doing a show on there, and he had a friend who said that they'd do it.

So they got together. The president was in New York, I guess, or Jersey or something like that.

And Zolar and Joey Boots from the Stern Show, I think you know who he might be, Tuck, and some of your other listeners.

Yeah.

Joey Boots went out to videotape it, and the guy got naked, and he had Battlecam.com on his chest.

and he stripped down naked and ran in front of Obama,

and he's like, Battlecam.com.

He did it six times, and he got arrested and everything.

And Zolar was involved with it.

So in the news story, if you look,

something that I think that we started on here was calling Zolar

Glenn Zolar or Glenn Zolarski, one of the two.

The article, it's in The Sun.

It's in The Sun, that really shitty UK rag one.

Oh, man, post the link.

Post the link, dude.

Nunu has it

Nunu's the one I found

And I read it

I didn't believe it

Until I said

That it said

Glenn Zolar

And I said

Oh my god

And uh

Yeah

He used that

As his name

Glenn Zolar

So look it up

Find the link

Nunu's got it

Nunu posted

And I'll share it

With the world

Out there

Glenn Zolar forever

Yeah

So I talked to

Zolar about it

Yesterday

And he said

To give him a call

And if he was around

He'd definitely talk about it on the air

It'd be kind of cool

But he might be busy, it's kind of late

I did tell him I was going to call him earlier

I was going to do a show originally in the afternoon

Who was the poor schlub that got to do it?

Who was the poor schlub that got talked into this?

Some dude, I don't know

The article has a picture of him

You know, naked

You can find it

You can find it out there

That Glenn Zolar, that manipulative asshole

Glenn Zolar

Wouldn't it be funny, Tuck?

Tuck, I think it would be funny for Tuck if that Zolar devil artwork that he made that he got so pissed off about when they made a shirt.

Oh, yeah.

That would be funny if that's what they released out for Glenn Zolar's picture.

As for his picture.

And you'd be so pissed off because you were, like, so pissed off when EarthDog started selling his shirt.

I would send that to him and stuff.

That would be awesome.

All the people I met here got posted here.

Let me see if that's it.

Oh, man.

It's like low.

Okay, that was him.

Well, they were in the Daily News, yeah, okay.

So, I went over there, right, and checked the Zolar site.

He was on there, but I guess he's page I found on there.

You found Prankmaster.

Major chaos.

Yes, Prankmaster's back, everybody.

Dude, so what I'm thinking is I've got that super secret audio rip

from the Madhouse Source the Arm from back from four years ago

of Prankmaster, admitting that he was a child molester and all that.

So we could go on there and spread the love.

All right.

Why don't there be a bunch of guest stars on that?

So if you need to call in, Recklood can do his evil Prankmaster.

Yes.

So this is Prankmaster is one of our nemesis.

Recklood needs to do his evil Prankmaster.

His evil Prankmaster.

Yeah, good point.

Recklood.

I heard that on the stream recently, and he needs to do that again.

Yeah, totally.

The Reclude Prankmaster.

The Reclude, the gangbang.

You know what I'm talking about, Milkman?

Remember when we did the gangbang?

Yeah, yeah.

There were some guest callers in there.

If any of our listeners here have picked it up,

they might recognize one of them here that appeared earlier in the show.

Okay, I got you.

All right, so we got Prankmaster fights with Carlito.

I'm trying to think.

I know we have one here.

Did Reclude call in as Prankmaster?

Yeah.

Okay, there was once when he called in.

because Prankmaster

made a call

and he's like

yeah I'm gonna

I'm gonna bring a bomb

down to the car factory

or something

oh yeah

yeah he did

he thought that's

got him banned

finally

yeah

banned from the show

he's like you're stupid

why were you gonna say

there's a

you know

a fucking

bomb threat

are you fucking retarded

and

it's fucking

later on

like

Reclute called in

and like parodied it

it was

freaking

really funny

it was good stuff

yeah it's on the rotation

it was hilarious

area. I forgot all about it.

Alright, well, let me play

this. This is Prankmaster vs.

KDK. Let me just play that. I wonder what

this is.

Shit, you ruin your own life and kids.

Why?

Who?

Tell me that you're

an idiot, an asshole, and I don't like you.

I make up my mind and I like you. I think you're

an asshole. I think you're a child sex offender.

You've proven yourself time and time again.

to be, uh, a hater. Every time you get

mad at Zolar and Lego, you attack

me, you DOS my site, you bring my

site down for two hours.

I don't have DOS.

Frank measures

so stupid. He doesn't know there's

a difference between DOS and, like, you know,

denial of service. He's like, I don't have

DOS.

I thought you were a fucking mongoloid who molested

children. You know me.

This is a lonesome, yeah.

Yeah.

Lonesome Loser.

I know you like watching old movies.

All right, it's good to see the Lonesome Loser back here.

And we'll play the rest of this here.

This is good.

I don't remember this at all, man.

This is funny.

He's so angry.

Oh, yeah, I remember this.

Yeah, this was from one of your shows.

I got this confession here, too, where he goes through the whole story and cries about it

and is upset at Zola and KDK.

It's a long call, too.

It's like 20 minutes, I think.

So I say we make a move next time Prank Mansion's on live.

We've got to get our eyes out

And when he's on live

I already got a site

I got a site

I got a page for us already set up there

From like two months now, I think

It's ready to go

We'll go on at the same time

And let people see what

We'll let them hear at least

Awesome

Oh, it looks like Nuno said he sent a number

Nuno said what?

Nuno sent a number and rolled it

If he was wanking two minutes ago

Oh, okay

All right, cool, cool

Good deal

Yeah, hey, Milkman, set up the Rolodex room or somebody do that.

Remember like we had last week.

Get Tuck, Nunu in there, Kokanee, Lonesome, and Brendan.

I'm telling you right now, I know nothing about you except that you molest children.

Yeah, Lonesome is here right now.

What was the point of your call tonight?

Sure.

What was the point of your call tonight?

You haven't helped.

That means you still want to talk.

You didn't ruin anything.

How did I ruin your life?

I ruined my life.

Bitch, if you're going to pick a fight with me, I fight better.

You see, what happened with this, I believe, Katie, what happened was that that was Jupe and the kids.

You remember the monkey phone kids, the white boys?

And they found out, they put information together, and they figured out he worked at the Applebee's at the Newark Airport in Jersey,

which I actually, when I was on my way to my honeymoon, I had a layover in Newark, and me and Athena went by it,

And Athena's like, is that the Applebee's that Prankmaster used to work at?

And we're like, oh, shit, yeah, it was.

Yeah, it was right outside the gate that we had to go to.

It was so epic.

And I wanted to take a picture, but I was like, nah, I don't want to take a picture in the airport.

It's a PCU tour.

Yeah, dude, that's one of the places.

So, yeah, these two guys, they were 15, 14, 15 at the time.

They kept calling over there and telling the whole story about how this guy that you're listening to that's fighting with KDK, he had this thing that he used to remember.

And he did that in the Prankmaster Gangbang where he started hitting numbers on the phone.

That's an attack.

That's the number mash attack.

That's a classic retaliation when we prank call people.

A lot of old people do that.

They'll just start mashing numbers.

numbers. There's an old lady

in the UK that we've pranked on two or three

occasions who gets very scared

and nervous and upset.

Yeah. And she has done

that on two occasions out of the three times we've

called her. She just starts hitting numbers really loud

on the phone.

I forgot. What's her name? Irma?

What is it? It's like Irma or something, right?

Earl. Merle. Merle. That's what it is. It's Merle.

Big Merle.

You think that's the end of the world or

something happened there.

Big Merle.

Numbersome Lonesome Losers starting out with a barbecue place in Nebraska.

Let's call them.

big guy, how you doing there, buddy?

Wow.

You supply the candles, we'll bring the food.

Can you hold, please?

Hold now?

Hello?

Yeah, I said that I didn't want to hold, and I was just on hold somehow.

What's that?

Like, when you, what did you ask?

Did you ask if you wanted me to hold, or did you say I was going to hold?

I said, Ramos Pizza, can you hold, please?

And then I put you on hold.

But did you, what did you, you asked me if, can I hold, right?

Yep.

And what was my answer?

Do you know what it was?

Nope, sure don't.

Why not?

Do you want to place an order?

No, you, yeah, I do.

I have an order.

I have a large order to make, an expensive order, a lot of good money, a good opportunity for your business.

Okay, and what is your phone number?

No, I want to get answers first before I start giving my personal information.

Well, I...

What I want to, like, why didn't you ask for the answer?

Like, why ask?

Why don't you say, hold, please?

Okay, next time I will.

Sorry about that.

What didn't you ask?

Do you care, like, what my answer was going to be?

Okay, sir, I got another order that I got to take, so...

I'll hold.

I can hold, yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Thanks.

E-mail.

All right, we're called Dimple Records.

Yeah, join them up.

Join the call.

We're going to call a steakhouse here.

Hey, listen, buddy.

Do you guys do anything like Filipino?

Like what?

Filipino style.

No, we don't.

Do you do the pineapple thing?

We do have pineapple.

Okay, so let's make it happen with that.

Can you roast that?

Do you roast it in slices?

The pineapple?

No.

Why not?

We put it on a sloppy joe.

Put it in a sloppy joe.

Yeah, this guy is on the phone over here saying he can't put pineapple on the steak.

Why?

What are you talking about?

Tell him what you're saying to me, sir.

Who are you talking to?

I'm talking to the guy about the meats.

Steakhouse.

Okay, what's the question?

Yeah, Ramos is on the line.

He said that you guys are not supposed to be able to put pineapple on that dish.

Right?

On what dish?

Tell him, Ramos.

I have no idea what you're talking about, sir.

You don't put it on the burger over there, the steak meats.

Ramos, do you do that or not?

Do you put pineapple on the steak meat?

We can, yeah, but we don't do slices.

You see, that's what I'm saying.

Why don't you do slices there, Steakhouse?

Because this is not a steakhouse.

This is a barbecue restaurant or a pizza restaurant.

No, I'm talking to the Steakhouse.

I was just talking to Shane over there.

Are you asking me why I don't put pineapple on a steak?

I'm going to let you go.

Yeah, why don't you put pineapple on your steak?

Damn.

I'll call the microwave.

what helps the dead

when we're needing that

the dead

yeah the dead

it'll be perfect

right in the middle of that

so Colin says

he's going to rape somebody

I'm going to rip the steak

father dead

dead's going to

rip the steak

he's a tough ass job

by now

yeah he'll probably

his best

there's a phone

in his asshole

he's on vibrate

keep calling him

no

no sir it was not

and I just hung up

on milkman

or milkman

are you there still

no

oh ok good

yeah

ok good

alright I thought I did

no angry guys over there

that we talked to

let's give him a call

it's good to hear

some KDK audio

to you before he lost his mind you know when he was still a little yeah a little normal when he

was normally still cool he was still cool yeah i missed that katie k i was with you he was a good

friend but now forget it it's a lost person man it was a lot more fun back then babe yeah oh well

hello hello yeah i was supposed to make that order over there and this lady got it all wrong

again i'll say okay this crazy woman over there who got my order wrong again you want to order

I want to order something to go

And I don't want to pay for it now

Because you got the order wrong the last time

Order wrong last time

I want discount

Okay, hold on

Damn it

Okay, hold on

Shit, damn it

Hello

Yes, sir

Yes

Why am I talking to you?

Okay

No, no, no, put the man back on, please

It's to make an order, please

Hello

Yes, it's to make an order

Who is calling?

This is Chud

Hello

Yes, hi

This is Chud

Dude, these people are fucking killing me now.

They used to be normal.

I'm back.

Hello.

What's going on with the women over there not talking right on the phone?

What's wrong with you people?

Are you slow?

Being stupid on the phone?

What's going on?

Hello.

Oh, sir.

They just don't pay attention to us anymore, Milkman.

It's not fun with them anymore.

You don't have no idea what I'm talking about.

I still haven't...

I don't know.

I think maybe that might have been, like, the dead cousin answering the phone there.

Maybe we ought to call the dead in the city if he'll translate.

He usually gets really angry.

Oh, excuse me.

Yeah, call the dead back.

You son of a bitch.

He goes, fuck you.

The guy that we were just talking to, when he gets upset.

We got any angry

A-Raps or Indians?

That's a good one there.

Call in the cafe.

Nuno's saying, get the dead to do UK calls.

Nuno also thought it would be a good idea

for a crazy fucker to do UK calls

and that never worked, but we could try it.

We could never get him gone,

but the dead, he'll ask for about two or three calls.

Nunu's idea is for everyone to do UK calls.

That is Nunu's idea for everybody.

That's his default idea.

It's default.

You'll have to do UK calls.

It's so funny, motherfucker.

Because I'm from the UK and it's funny.

Is that how you talk now?

I'm from the UK.

I'm funny.

I don't know.

I have no idea.

Nunu's...

84th Street Cafe.

Hey, it's the cafe.

Hey.

Who's this?

I was calling before and no one picked up.

What's the matter?

Are you busy over there, buddy?

We're closed.

Oh, man, really?

What time are you open?

You guys open earlier tomorrow, right?

Yeah, you know, let me check on the hours.

I'm just the baker.

I come in once in a great while and a little bit.

You guys got nutmeg there that you use?

Yeah, actually, we do.

Hey, can you make a nutmeg cake?

No.

Oh, it gets you fucked up, man.

No, I don't mean to talk.

No, I just, yeah, it's a psychological thing.

I'll have to try that.

Malcolm X did it in jail.

He had a bunch of nutmeg and he was tripping balls.

Holy crap.

No, but the nutmeg is expensive if you buy it, so I was going to make you make it.

Oh, I got you.

Got you.

Yeah, right.

Can you make a nutmeg cake?

It says they're open.

What's that?

Can you think you can make a nutmeg cake?

I've never heard of one.

I would have to look it up.

I'd have to find out.

When do they open there, big guy?

Open up at 730.

But when are you going to bake, or when's the bakery open?

Oh, there's always, like, I just do cheesecakes.

Oh, hey, man.

Nutmeg's a code for something else, if you know what I mean.

Gotcha, gotcha.

But I don't have the industrial pans, but it's for a bachelor party.

Okay.

And a bachelorette party.

It's a code bachelor, bachelorette party.

And it's like, you know, we don't have the means or anything.

You know, I'm staying in a hotel, and it just has a kitchenette.

There's no oven.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I gotcha.

And I asked about getting an oven, and they said that for safety reasons,

all I can have is a microwave.

Gotcha.

So, man, I mean, I'll pay you under the table and everything, stuff like that.

No, I mean, I don't have anything that I'd, honestly, I have the stuff here for cheesecakes.

I don't think I'd even have everything I'd need for a cake, like buttermilk and cake flour and stuff like that.

No, bro, I've got all that, man, and I've got the nutmeg, quote-unquote, for it.

No, I mean, I feel you, but I've got another job that I've got to go to.

I mean, there's just no way I could do it for you, man.

You never ate that nutmeg?

make no i couldn't help you get you a full body effect you know yeah that's good but that's what

we're talking about on the air right now really yeah man you're on 98.6 the mouth you're crazy

good night good night all right how'd the mouth fit they know what else to do with them i've come

i've come to the conclusion if uh i when i'm going to start doing my pranks when they're

They're obviously not going anywhere instead of, like, dwelling on them and making them last too long.

I'm just going to turn.

Yeah.

It's like I'm going to be flying a plane, and then whenever that happens, I'm just going to fly the plane right into the mountain.

Just for the fun of it.

No, it's not that big.

That's what I'm going to do.

Yeah, there was a, I don't know what the name of this, there was this game back in the 90s.

It was an arcade game.

It was a sit-down car, and you could do stick shift or automatic, and it had, like.

Pro position?

this thing no later than that in the 90s it had it i had it had uh polygons and it had like 10

polygons on the screen it was so advanced the car was made up of like five polygons or something

it was but uh it was really realistic and i would i would it was 75 cents per play or something

and i would literally get in it just to have turbo run ah no but i used to get in it just

just for the accidents because whenever you had an accident you crashed it would give you an instant

replay of it right after and uh i would just do it like i had this big loop you could go on

and i get to the top of the loop and i jam on the brake and turn sideways and i make it fucking like

fall down and they'd be like it show the replay was like you don't remember and i think we talked

about this on the show once someone sent a video of it what game was that it wasn't outrun was it

Did OutRun USA, no.

I don't remember, Josh.

I think I've seen that one, though, dude.

I remember talking about it.

It was Super Nintendo had it, too.

Hang on.

Now I've got to find it.

Hang on.

It was like Hard Racing or something?

What the fuck was that?

90s.

All of our techno geeks out there, now it's your time.

Hard Driving, we got here from Grandia.

Was it Hard Driving?

That's what he said.

OutRun USA came from Mikey129.

No, I'll run you a message with something else, I think.

Okay.

This is like 93, 94, I think it was out.

Yeah, I think it was hard driving.

It's hard driving.

I'll use checkmats.

Ah!

I'm ready to go against you.

Gold star, sir.

All right.

Gold star, the Grand Roper.

Ding, ding, ding.

Hey, folks, good to see you.

Hey, the last minor underground technician just went to the surface, man.

It's all over.

Right.

I'm playing audio from hard driving right now.

It was really realistic for its time.

It had to be like 93, I think, that it came out.

I knew they said Hungry Horse.

I thought they were Hungry Hippos.

But I would have accidents on purpose.

I'd just crash into stuff, and I'd always do the replay.

It was fun.

There was a train in it.

I could set it up to jump in front of the train.

Good times.

There was a first PlayStation game called Demolition Derby.

And we take and drive that car backwards and just crash over and over and over again.

I mean, that's all you do is just go backwards on the track.

You can make the game last all night with your mother-in-law.

That's cool.

And you have to have the time limit.

That's cool.

Good idea.

Awesome.

Yeah, man.

They never made another version of it.

I always wished they could do that.

You know, we ought to find an emulator on that.

I bet you it's been made by now.

What is it for?

Genesis?

It was PlayStation 1.

It was called Demolition Derby.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there's PlayStation emulators and there's ROMs out there.

Not just ROMs, just ISOs of the CDs and shit out now.

Dude, I met this expert the other day.

He does the original arcade, the multi, what is it, multi, the main.

He works at the main project.

He builds the machines and runs them with the computer

and uses the original housing and everything.

Multi-arcade, that's what it's called.

Multi-arcade machine emulator, that's it.

sorry. Mame. Is that what you're talking

about? Mame. Yeah, Mame.

Mame, yeah. Yeah, I've got that on my Xbox

and I've got that on my computer here, on my laptop.

Yeah, I met one of the guys

that's big into that, dude. He does

this and, dude, it's awesome,

man. It looks so cool

on a real machine with all the

joysticks and the wheels and everything

attached to it. It's cool as hell.

Cool. Kick-ass, buddy. We're about halfway

through the show. That's pretty good, man.

I think we're doing pretty strong here.

Yeah. And we'll keep pushing on

on forward. Let's play some more Prankmaster

audio here while I get the next prank call ready.

This is Prankmaster Farts with Carlito.

I said farts. I think I meant

fights.

Thank you.

Are you gay?

A person who's accusing me of being

gay who sounds like he has a penis in his mouth

24-7 has a lot to say for himself.

That's not nice

to say, man.

Yeah, okay. Call my house.

You're still deaf. You're still deaf. You're still not funny. You're a loser. You're still a pedophile mother picks firms and has a mustache

So what he had to say about that exactly?

Alright, my favorite things that

Prankmaster gets to say, and I think

something that we should do, is pick

and just from our experience

with Prankmaster and the way he talks,

get him, and

we'll at least record first

some audio, the worst, the funniest

things that we can get him to say.

Because Nunu kept

getting him to say, apparently kept getting

him to say T-Mobile, and

he can't say it right. He's like

T-Mobile.

so it's a guy doing phone for t-mobile and then a dude is in there and they're a different name

and he's like what's it called it's like t-mobile it's like what network is it i don't understand

that one he's like saying it like that um i think there's audio of him like uh video i mean you know

like uh in his channel or whatever he's got we might be able to apparently he's on there showing

Yeah, they're about 30 seconds long

until they get kicked off.

Wow.

I gotta watch that shit.

Wow.

I gotta watch that shit.

All right.

That's funny.

If it wasn't for the soundboard for him for a while,

you ought to play the gangbang calls here

before we close out the night.

Yeah, we'll do that for sure.

Let me load those up in the queue.

I should be taking a break here pretty soon,

a five-minute break.

We'll play it during the Prankmaster game.

Why do we always end up going back to KDK

and Prankmaster on this show all the time?

Oh, dude, because we've got some fun episodes, dude,

that need to be brought to life.

And for the people that missed some of the original episodes,

it's always fun to get a laugh and share with them,

even though it's in the past.

Ha, ha, ha.

Very good.

Very funny.

Good point.

Ha.

All right, let me do a call here real quick.

I've got Randy's Grill and Chill.

Let's see what's up with them.

Brendan sent in a number for the Woodman's 24-Hour Market,

where we've talked to Big Brenda here a few times.

Started off asking her if she was black.

We found out she was a black.

And then kept calling asking if she could tell us how to make collard greens.

Coincidentally enough, in real life, tonight I have made collard greens for the first time.

Synchronicity, bro.

Look at you.

And I added some adobo to it right here.

Good sponsors of the show, adobo.com.

Everyone, be sure to visit there and order your Adobo for the holiday season.

It makes a great gift.

Adobo.

Thank you very much for tuning in to Madhouse Radio tonight.

Let's do another live call here to the Women's 24-Hour Market.

Let's chat it up with Big Brenda.

We'll take a break.

Just a moment.

We're going to play some more Jimi Hendrix.

Any second now, the Jimi Hendrix is going to start.

There it is.

Hooray!

Congratulations to the Southern California Trojans.

I'm so glad they beat the hell out of Michigan.

I'm very glad.

Be sure to make note, you can use the request to prank form in the front of our chat page right there on the left-hand side.

Fill in your information, and that comes right to the desktop here instantly.

We'll do your prank call request.

Or send them to me in private message in the chat room.

That's madhouselive.com slash chat.

Or click on the chat room button over at madhouselive.com, our home page.

We, of course, are on cactiradio.com and 98.6 The Mouth tonight,

as well as our Ustream channel.

A big what's up to everyone watching the video feed over there on Ustream right now.

Luckily, this week it hasn't been disconnecting a lot.

It did at the beginning, but not here.

So we're going to have a nice archive there to post immediately tonight

so you can watch this if you miss it.

So any friends of yours out there who are not able to catch a live show tonight

and you wanted to check it out,

Watch the front page of manhouselive.com

There'll be a video post

Within minutes after the show is over

And you can go ahead and grab that

Thank you

Yeah, hey Brenda

Brenda

Hey big Brenda, look, you won't believe it

I know we joke around about this and stuff

But I actually made the collard greens today

And it came out pretty good

They did, man, come on, Brenda

Hi Brenda, we'll talk about my collard greens

Oh, Milkman

man. I just want to be Big Brenda's friend.

I've come on to her several

times already, actually, as a matter of fact.

While I'm on the air,

so maybe she's just on guard. You know, she's married.

She's told me that before, too. I'm married.

But why? You won't talk to me.

I'm married.

Yeah, they felt good, those collard greens.

They did feel good.

It felt good to eat the good

collard greens, man. I've had them before.

I've never made them. I've had them plenty of times.

Milkman,

if you ever make it here to Orlando,

You should come on vacation man

One time to Orlando

And we could go

There's a buffet

That's a soul food restaurant buffet man

They do an Afro American style

Breakfast buffet

All you can eat

And the lunch is really good man

And they got collard greens

And black eyed peas

And ribs

And pulled pork

And all that good

Soul food kind of stuff

Yeah all you can eat

It's fucking good

That's called Sherry's.

It's a nice place.

That's good.

I want to try that Tropico.

You told me that Tropico, Alcarbon, they got down there.

That's kind of good, too.

Yeah, either that or just Publix, man.

Straight up Publix fried chicken.

I know Publix for sure.

Can't go wrong with Publix, man.

Fried chicken, rotisserie chicken, they got it all.

Publix, we're shopping as a pleasure.

It's called Hungry Jack's in Australia.

It's the name of Burger Kings in Australia.

This is a Burger King.

They call them Hunger Jacks over there in Aussie land.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oi, oi, oi.

Land of all.

Land of sexual convicts.

Yeah.

Speaking of sexual convicts, where the hell is Life here?

I haven't seen him all night.

So, man, seriously, what I'm thinking is, I don't know the country code.

You're going to have to translate that into country code, Brendan.

We'll take a break in the meantime.

But, yeah, words.

Asshole.

Probably because it says asshole.

I don't know if you ever noticed that.

Asshole.

You know how he says it?

What else?

Called.

He says cold.

That's really creepy when he does that.

What other things does he say?

It's going to be funny.

We'll get him to say T-Mobile again.

T-Mobile.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

What's that?

The potato chip, you know, the dessert.

Potato chips?

Dingles chips.

Country code 61, prayer, RBCP.

All right, good.

Thank you.

That's Melbourne, though.

Is it off?

Oh, the country code's the same.

Duh, it's a country.

So stupid.

It's kind of slow.

well anyway when we come back we've got that to call lonesome losers sent in other numbers like

gladius pizzeria uh randy's grill and chill vincenzo's restaurant and misty's restaurant

and lounge um we got the lonesome loser logs kicking over here as well we might do some

conference calls tonight still pendency of zorlar wakes up you might call in and explain what

happened to him if not then fuck it he's an asshole get out milkman what do you got planned

for us when we come back why don't you tell us what uh what you want to do since you're back on

the air greasy monkey you well i'm going to go in here and we'll stir my juicer i got cooking

and i'm going to sample it and then i'm going to tell everybody what a wonderful recipe we came up

with wow i'll email you and i'll email you all playful dude all playful you're gonna scan it

out of your ass you stupid bitch do that oh yeah if you're not in the traffic you better get in

there because kokanee our news reporter our staff news reporter put all kinds of crack links in

there as well don't miss them and uh yeah your request as well we'll get to those uh plenty of

other numbers here to call thanks everyone who's listening right now um yeah we're right back

please uh give me like uh five minutes hey everyone's out of that out of mine and chili

now everybody what oh they out of the mine and chili breaking news

USA. USA. We did it. We did it, everybody. Go America. Yeah.

We killed I-49. Yeah.

This isn't the season of God's forgetfulness.

Never to be remembered against me.

Is the book of Revelation or the Apocalypse book reveals the future of the world?

Your part in it.

The book of Revelation, the last book in your Bible, features apocalyptic symbols and secrets.

House Radio will be your most consecutive hours without a listener.

Well, ain't that a kick in the ass.

98.6.

No.

When you die, put your GPS in your box.

So when you die, you open that tractor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight.

You are bigger than a woman.

Be behind you.

Let a woman make you who you are.

Let's descend to the depths of Monster Island.

First time in history, the order is given to evacuate New York City.

The now silence of the huge city.

Alright everybody, welcome back.

Madhouse Radio returns from the break.

We were just listening to the Crankmaster Gang Band from 2005.

And now I am back.

I remember that night.

I was actually trying to call in, but I could never get through.

Yeah, I'm on the show.

All right, everybody, let's continue on with our prank calls.

I also wanted to mention that we have now opened the conference line.

If you want to join us in conference, please do.

Go ahead and write down this information or prepare to copy it down or whatever you want to do.

We're going to be opening up the phone line now if you want to join in on the Madhouse conference line.

Area code 712-432-6060.

Once again, that's 712-432-6060.

Be sure to use the PIN.

Our conference ID is 417783.

Once again, conference ID is 417783.

Give

that a call in a few minutes you might hear

music if you're there by yourself but in a few minutes we'll be joining in there and uh we'll be

doing your pranks or you're going to be doing pranks with us i'm saying rather hey if anybody

shows up that is i'll be giving that information out uh again later in the show so fear not oh my

I just got a laugh.

I was looking at the chat.

Nike 129 posted that.

Remember you did that with Corey on the phone that one time?

Yeah, we played that last week.

It's a madhouse prank bridge number, I'd say.

Aiming it down for the first time.

Do you still have the alarm system?

What's that?

Do you still have the alarm system or the megaphone?

Yeah, it's in a box up right above me.

I can get it really easily if I have to.

Yeah, definitely.

Sometimes you have to bring those back out.

I moved the alarm system.

I always have problems with that.

Yeah, we didn't have a lot of fun with that.

Alright, totally.

Good point.

Alright, we're going to call Randy's Grill and Chill.

Actually, Nunu had an idea.

Hang on first.

I want to do Nunu's idea.

Nunu said we should call about some kind of diet or some kind of special setup to the food over at an Indian place.

Call Indian place and explain that I'm on a diet and trying to watch my figure.

Order half chicken korma and half vegetable Rogan Josh mixed together.

I don't even know what Rogan Josh is, though.

Rogan Josh?

Gosh, is that a dirty word, sir?

Is that what you're getting me to say?

And then we'll get into Banchude and stuff like that.

You know what I'm talking about.

We get one participant every day in the conference room.

That's good.

Let's go ahead and call in that.

Nunu, join the conference room.

I'm joining.

We should get Nunu in there doing the soundboard shit.

Thank you.

Your conference will now begin.

For a menu of available commands, press star, star at any time during the conference.

There are two participants in the conference.

All right, participants, who do we got here right now?

Hey.

Hello.

Who's here?

Yes, who's here?

It's me.

Me here.

And I don't know who else is here.

Oh, hey, you.

How are you doing?

There's somebody else here.

There's two people here.

Hey, me.

Hey, you.

All right, then.

Hey.

How are you doing, buddy?

All right.

Let's do it.

What numbers do I have here?

Hang on.

Let's see.

Okay, we've got a Texas Roadhouse.

Let's give them a call here.

They're in Arizona.

All the good steaks over there, probably.

Thank you for calling Texas Roadhouse.

It's Vanessa speaking.

Hey, Big Vanessa.

How are you doing?

Good.

How are you?

That's good.

I was just curious about the steaks over there and how long they're marinated for

and if they're cut precisely for toughness or not.

Okay.

Can you just hold for a quick second?

Yeah, yeah.

So I can get one of the servers that knows, like, much more about that than me.

Okay, honey.

Okay.

On that.

I'm on the line.

Who's on the line now?

We've got a new participant just come off a mute.

I'm on the line.

All right.

Thank you.

Thank you for that.

Thank you for holding this, Stacey.

How can I help you?

Hey, Stacey, I was curious about the marinades that you might be using there or not.

Do you got rubs?

For the kebabs?

On the steak meats.

Say that again, I'm sorry.

On the steak meats, you know.

For our marinade?

Yeah.

Do you marinate or rub things?

We eat the kebabs.

Okay, and why is that?

Because that's what we marinate.

There was this place I used to go once, they used to marinate the steak even.

You can always get the steak marinated in the kebab sauce.

But for how long can you marinate the wood for?

Let it soak in those juices.

What, are you trying to get it to go, or are you...

you i want it done right i want to marinate is sticking all all the vegetables is it like for

when when you come in here or is it yeah totally what you what you can do is you can give us call

like um i don't know two hours before you want to come in um with the steak and the size and then

we can pre-soak it so that when you get here it'll be marinated for x amount of times from when you

call so that way it's good and marinated when you eat it yeah i like that idea it tastes better you

like you like the juice for our kebab is great like i i love the marinade that we marinated in

and people do it all the time so i mean if you give us a good two hours previous to when you

come in uh from when you're coming in we can get that started with the marinade yeah that way it

has that good flavor when you um order it can you just tell me some of the juice just sell you the

marinade just no i want some of the juices though you know steak juices what do you mean like what

what is our marinade made of like i used to make kebabs once in a george foreman grill and you know

how it has that thing so all the juices come out of it uh-huh and then i would dip my kebab in that

the whole time and then the stuff that was in the little container i don't please don't think that

we could be able to do that though because we do have it's an open flame grill oh there's no drip

pan or anything like that there no um yeah but you have to clean the skillet off right like the

the grading right yeah i was maybe can i get like some of that like the you know like hold on one

second okay okay thanks dude jack masterson let's bring him back right now i'm gonna sharpie save

that call a little bit talk about fat greasy drippings yeah anybody on mute just got taken

gonna have to mute you want to jump in and let yourself be known now okay you sound like

i have to mute okay this guy's creepy funny

oh patience now huh we'll be back in just a moment like this music milkman are you still

on one. Did I cut you off?

No, you're here still. Right?

Yeah, man. That piece got me hopping, buddy.

It got you hopping.

This is good music to take a shit at.

I called Milkman earlier this afternoon.

He was taking a shit in the toilet.

You have to call me a mock tater tot.

Thank you for holding this. I'm going to hug you.

Yeah, I was talking about those drippings and stuff

that you got on the meats over there.

What is that? What do you like on your steaks?

The steak,

the stuff that you scrape off the grill,

you know, the black stuff.

The black stuff?

You know, like the fat and the gristle and stuff like that?

It's not.

Well, what it is, it's just pretty much the seasoning that is burned.

That's what the black stuff is.

Yeah, I want to mix that with some oil for me, like a gravy.

I can put that on the table if you like.

Yeah, I want a lot of it, though.

We don't have that much, though.

Well, can you start saving it now and in an hour give me what you have?

I can save that for an hour, but it mostly be mixed with water, just so you know.

No, no, don't mix it with water, though, no.

No, no, no, no.

What we do, we put water on the grill to clean up the seasoning, to clean up our grill faster.

So that's what I'm telling you.

No, but don't use the water, though.

Just clean it with oil.

If that's what it is, that's what we have right now.

Clean it with oil for me for like an hour, and I'll give you all the money you want, all the money you need.

I'll make it happen for you.

I'll say whatever I have for you.

So just let us know what you like.

American cheese.

I want a piece of bread.

I want bread.

Two buns.

Let me hear some of the things you go to.

Hold on.

Man, fuck me.

Now you know the secret recipe for Jack Black Gravy.

Nunu mentioning that Milkman does two-hour shits.

Very good point.

Mikey129 pointing out the Madhouse Lore we're listening to now.

A gristle sandwich, which is a piece of American cheese in between two pieces of bread.

And the scrapings off the grill when you're done with it.

It's a gristle sandwich.

Put on an Italian bread and dripped with drippings.

Oh, that sounds good, though.

I'm going to eat that.

at. 44177

called the dead. Alright, you got it.

4417104. We got a

German restaurant called the Zerkate.

Zerkate. Thank you for your patience

tonight. Listen to Madhouse Radio. We're

currently on hold with

Steakhouse where we're talking about eating

drippings and gristle off the

grill when you're

done cooking the steak.

I'm going to make a sandwich with that.

We'll be explaining that to them in just a short while.

If you have a better place you think we should be calling

right now, send me the request to

to Madhouse Radio on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

Or MSN Messenger users can send me their requests at madhouseatlive.com.

Thank you.

Of course, our conference line is open also.

If you're interested in doing a prank call, let me know.

Call in.

The number's posted in our chat room right now.

I'll be giving it out in just a moment.

I'll write that down if you're interested in calling in.

Let me know.

Send me a message, and myself or one of the staff will guide you through calling in.

We've got about an hour left of show here.

Thank you for tuning in.

Be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

Subscribe to the podcast over there and listen to prank calls.

Ryan might be terminating this call here pretty soon.

Appreciate your time and patience.

Please stay on the line.

We'll be back in just a moment.

Well, he said please.

I guess I'll wait.

Dude, I think you've got to deal with the button.

Hey, you were holding.

This is Vanessa.

Hey, Big Vanessa.

How you doing?

Good.

How are you?

I'm good.

So I wanted to order a gristle sandwich.

What kind of sandwich?

Gristle.

A gristle sandwich?

Like just a hamburger?

No.

No, he said that I could go ahead and order that that I was talking to you about.

Remember what we were talking about?

No, but, sorry, I'm a different girl, but I'll write it down.

Oh, so you make a sandwich with, it's a piece of yellow American cheese,

and you fold the bread down to half, and you add the scrapings from the grill when you make the steak meat.

Okay, so you do want, you want the hamburger meat with the scrapings?

Yeah.

And then you want American cheese on there?

Uh-huh, and mayonnaise.

and mayonnaise yeah you have any hot sauce or adobo yeah i got wing sauce you got adobo no

oh i don't want any wing sauce though okay that's no um and how do you want the burger itself raw

rare rare i'm sorry i didn't know uh medium okay yeah we got rules over there yeah sorry

the house house code stupid um okay so and it'll come with fries does that work

Yeah, so then also olive oil.

Olive oil.

You know what?

I'm not sure if we have some, but I'll double check.

Do you have oil there?

Yeah, we have oil.

Oil and emulsify it.

And the what?

Emulsify it.

What is that?

That's when you mix it with flour and cook it low temperature for a little while.

You want the oil mixed with the flour?

Yeah, and then you emulsify it for about 30 minutes.

30 minutes?

Yeah.

And what's your name?

This is Cross.

Cross.

Okay.

Okay, I'm going to double-check with my manager and see if we can do this for you because this is a lot of...

Okay, yeah, no problem.

I was just talking to some man over there, but okay.

Can I have your number to call you?

Sis, can I have your number?

Do I have to hold or are you going to call me back?

No, no, no.

I'll write it down.

Okay, it's 702-6-4.

Okay, thank you for us and we'll call you back.

All right, hit me back.

Okay, thank you.

All right, word.

Bye.

Bye, big bro.

She's going to hit me back, everybody.

Hey.

You know that, Milkman?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

Guaranteed cornering in 10 minutes or less.

Black dog green.

Sure.

That's cool.

That's how you do it.

Girls are into the gristle sandwich eaters, man.

Admit it.

A lot of you would eat a gristle sandwich just the way I described it right now,

with your collard greens.

Did your dad make it into the conference yet?

Let me see here.

Let me open the conference again here in front of Mary.

Dad, you in here?

Is that you, Dad?

Hello, Conferencer.

No, he's not here.

What's up, man? How you doing, Tuck?

How it is.

Looking at naked pictures on the internet.

Naked pictures.

Hell yeah, man.

That T-B-L-O-P.

Get out of there.

Hey, you want to do a prank?

Like what?

Happy meat.

Should do a happy meat.

Yeah, to a steakhouse.

Nothing wrong with happy meat.

What's that?

Funny.

I don't know.

That's what we call and ask for.

And there's another caller who just got taken off of mute.

Who is this?

Someone's peeing.

That's nice.

Someone's listening to us

Peeing, that's awesome

Nice warm spray

So refreshing

That sounds so relieving

Hungry Jacks

In Brisbane

We haven't called them yet

We were supposed to give them a call

Let's give them a call

You gotta do just that

That's creepy, I like it

Hungry Jacks

what's that

what are you talking about

stop being silly

hey we can call Cuba on this phone machine

here that I got now

oh wow

take it away Tuck

Hunger Jacks

Hunger Jack

my body

alright interesting

that's what we told you to do

that's all that guy does

that's all my character does

All right, let's call a German restaurant here.

Feel free to jump in at any time.

Tuck, I will take the lead here.

Milkman, you should do a prank call, too.

Milkman, we need to get Milkman to call the UK.

I know that's the big idea from Nunu, to get Milkman to call the UK.

That's a great, big, grand idea that would change the world.

That one great idea that would change the world.

German restaurant, how may I help you?

Hey, buddy, how you doing?

That's good.

Good. What was, uh, wondering about the kielbasa, the marinade that you guys use there at all?

The marinade?

You use, like, a brine.

No, I don't know.

Do the sausages make some kind of drippings?

I guess, yeah.

Can I get some of that?

Tonight?

Yeah.

Oh, we're closed right now.

What about tomorrow?

Yeah.

Oh, you're going to be there?

Yep.

All right, so the sausages make drippings, right, when you cook them?

Do you save those up? Can you save them up?

Yeah.

And then mix it with some flour.

With some what?

Like flour.

Flour?

Yeah.

Why?

Just to make it thicker.

I'm going to thicken it up a little bit.

Yeah, it's like a gravy that I like to make with drippings.

Do you caramelize onions there at all?

Yeah.

Yeah, you mix that in.

There were some mushrooms, caramelized mushrooms and that, and onions.

And then you can dip stuff in it.

Yeah.

Like bread.

That's making me hungry.

Yeah.

It's making me hungry.

The meat.

The whole meat.

It's making me hungry.

All over my body.

Someone's going to sleep good tonight, huh?

That's full belly.

Yeah?

Yeah, I got a nice full belly.

I like my man with a nice full belly.

This guy you're listening to, this guy on the phone with me, he's got a nice big full belly.

That wasn't me.

That guy.

I didn't say that.

All right, brother.

All right, so then I want you to turn around, open the oven, and take a big shit in the oven,

and leave it turned on for like two hours, okay?

And just turn it up to like 420 degrees, all right?

I think I'll pass on that.

All right, well, think about it, man.

And don't knock until you try it, buddy, all right?

All right, Whiskeyhead, see you.

Dropped him already.

That was the fucking, I don't know what it was.

Last week's show is the one where I told everyone to take a shit in the oven.

And we also learned that phrase, cocks taste good.

Oh, yes.

It's a long story.

I wish that repeats.

Estonian.

Estonian, yeah.

This one here got uploaded by our good friend RBCP.

He submitted Twitter complaints, if you remember, two weeks ago.

Oh, that guy.

Some guy, some fuck that's dead now.

Anyway, listen to this.

Who's the guy that masterclassed in front of me?

Hello?

Hello.

Yes, hi.

May I speak with Melissa, please?

Just a moment.

Thank you, sir.

Is that Trevor?

Oh, wait a minute.

I'm on the phone, so I can hear it.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And you be quiet.

Hello?

Melissa?

Huh?

Larson DeGromolo, how you doing?

I'm calling from Dell.

I understand that you had a bad experience with Dell and wanted to see if we could extend

and then offer to possibly make that experience any better.

It's 11 o'clock at night.

I understand, but we just got your update now.

I got a level 3 alert here about a problem with your customer service experience with Dell,

so I wanted to give you a call and let you know what we have.

It's 11 o'clock at night.

We're in the Eastern time zone, and we got up at 5.30.

Yeah, but I'm in Cupertino, California.

Okay, well, I'm going to have to let you go because...

No, no, no.

Do you like laptops?

I'm going to bed for an hour.

Let's talk a deal.

Come on.

What did you get from Apple, and I'll match the deal.

And I'll get you a better, I'll get you one of Inspiron 1545, Inspiron number, model number 1545.

Okay, I'm going to go back to that now.

It has Intel Pentium dual core inside.

There you go.

That's the one I was like, that one was all right.

Could you hear that, Tuck and Milkman?

Did I get that set up right?

Were you able to hear that?

Yeah, dude, that was awesome, man.

All right, cool.

I'm glad you could hear it.

Excellent.

All right, and then the one that I really want to play here is this one here.

further, moving on with the same issues.

This one here

is the Papa John's, the

crazy Puerto Rican lady. I don't think you heard this one, Milkman.

You're going to hear this for the first time. Don't go anywhere.

We're going to play this prank

and we'll do some more live ones here in just a moment.

I'm going to take a shot at

a doorbell as we listen.

Yes, hello. Good evening.

May I speak with Mark, please?

Oh, Mark won't be here anymore.

No? Who's this? Is this Mark's family?

Yes. Did you know about the pizza he got

that was bad? What?

Do you know about the pizza that he got that was bad?

Pizza?

He got a pizza and it was bad, he said.

A pizza.

Pizza machine.

I don't know.

No, he's complaining about the pizza that we sold him.

I'm from Papa John's.

I don't know because he don't live here.

He live in another house.

Does you still talk to him a lot?

Yeah, we didn't complain about that.

Do you talk to him every day?

Because I want you to give him a message for me.

Okay, maybe I give him a call.

Okay, can you connect him now?

can you three-way call him because i want this taken care of right now okay uh he's got some

kind of problem no i cannot i cannot connect i cannot connect because i don't know the number

in the house i know his cell phone but i don't think he wants you to get the cell phone well

i mean what do you like what kind of pizza do you like you want some coupons or something what's

with you people you're looking for free stuff well i'm not well i'm not the one who ordered

the pizza it's my son but he's got some kind of problem with my pizza and i want him to tell me

what it is i'll give you free pizzas and make you people shut up because you're all looking

for free pizza and stuff i heard i saw this on the news where the you people from uh like other

countries they don't speak english good you know what you know why you don't have to speak like

that because they always buy a pizza last night i buy pizza from pizza but we need to complain if

it is good or not you don't have to speak like that you know why do you because we can always

pay our pizza you know we don't we don't need a free pizza you know what i mean because if

they complain maybe it's not good because maybe they always buy pizza there you know

But you don't have to speak like that that we want a free pizza, you know?

Why do you get pizza from a pizza hut instead of Papa John's?

Why?

Because me, I live in another house.

I'm the mother.

And I have a visitor yesterday, and then they want a pizza hut.

But my son is living in the other house.

They have their own house.

So they order pizza from you guys because they like their Domino's pizza.

But people start.

Papa John's is where I work for.

Oh, Papa John's Pizza.

Because I don't know about that

Because maybe that's their brand

Because in my house

I eat Pizza Hut

Why do you people buy so much

But you don't have to say that

You know, we want a free pizza

Because we have money to pay

You want a free pizza?

I can do that

No, I'm not talking about that pizza

Because I don't know

You know, what's your problem with my son, okay?

Why do you eat so much

Because you don't have to speak

Why do you

Because you don't have to speak like me like that, okay?

You need to calm down, Missy

Why do people eat so much pizza anyway?

way what's with that you know what happens with that coronary disease you have heart attacks and

then you put money on our system in the united states health system and people who don't even

know you know aren't from here and messing it up you understand you know what i don't know about

anything about the pizza that they order so you don't have to speak like that to me you know do

you have diabetes uh-huh you have you have diabetes right me yes i don't have a diabetes oh you're

lying i know you i could tell you do right now on the phone you're diabetes woman you know what

Papa John's, come down and tomorrow bring your papers and I want to talk to your doctor because you have diabetes, I'm pretty sure.

I'm certain you do.

You want $1,000? That's what this is about?

No, because you're talking about, you know, because you're talking about I have diabetes and I want to prove it to you.

So if you put, you know, you want to beat about $1,000 because I prove it to you that I don't have a diabetes, okay?

And you want $1,000 because, what, you have to pay the rent?

You don't have money for the rent?

You know what?

I have four houses.

And I don't need what, you know, you're very sarcastic, you know?

I don't want to deal with that.

But you said $1,000.

Do you want me to write you a check?

You know, because you're the one telling me that I have a diabetes when it's not true.

You know what I mean?

Okay.

Because if you want to prove it, you know, you want to beat with me to prove that I don't have a diabetes, okay?

Okay.

You're the one who started it, and I have diabetes.

And you told me that I'm lying.

You don't even, you know, see my face.

Where is your office?

And I go there right now.

Where is your branch?

It's not an office.

It's a Papa John's.

There's only one Papa John's here.

I know.

Where is the Papa John's address?

And I go there, you know?

The local Papa John's.

That's all you need.

You know, you are talking to me.

I don't even know where the Papa John's is because I don't buy Papa John's there, okay?

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry if it was a mistake.

I'm sorry.

You know, because my son is the one who, you know, who ordered the pizza.

They like your pizza.

Your son is a...

And you know you speak like that.

You know, how can you see other people eat pizza?

If you know your customer, you speak like that.

Your son is...

That's not right for fruit, you know?

Your son is a piece of trash, I think is what it is.

Do

you...

They order your pizza.

They like your pizza.

Don't talk bad about my pizza.

I have good pizza better than what you have, and you eat so much pizza.

You know what I'm doing?

You know what I'm saying?

Maybe my kids, they like your brand of pizza.

But me, you know, you know, I don't eat pizza that much.

I just have a visitor, and then it happens that my visitor, they like the pizza hot,

so they order pizza.

But I don't know about my son, because he like your pizza.

You don't have to talk to me about that.

You know what I mean?

I know, but...

Oh, my God.

You know, I'm sorry.

But you're being rude.

You know, I'm a good person, you know?

No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Because you talk like that.

My son, he order your pizza all the time.

This is your business because he like your pizza.

Oh.

But you don't have to talk to me like that.

No, you're right.

I'm not supposed to.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

You know?

You know, you make me mad because, you know, you say that we want a good pizza.

We want a free pizza.

You can buy pizza anytime you have money.

You can buy pizza anytime.

Anywhere you want to get pizza from, you can get pizza from, right?

There's no rules.

It's a free country.

I know, but I know not.

It doesn't matter that you're not.

It doesn't matter that you don't have papers or anything, you know, that you're here with an undocumented worker.

That's fine.

You can still order pizza wherever you want, right?

What do you mean by I'm an undocumented worker?

Well, if you were.

I'm not.

I work in General Atomics.

It's a government.

Oh, you have your papers?

Yes.

Oh, okay, that's good.

I've been here since 1977, you know?

Oh, yeah.

I'm really old.

I'm 61 years old right now.

Oh, do you see?

I arrived here in 1977.

You don't tell me that I'm documented.

I've been citizen for a long time.

Oh, I didn't know that.

I'm sorry.

My husband is a retired in the military, you know?

Oh, okay.

I didn't know that.

I'm sorry.

Do you supersize?

Yeah, you know?

Do you supersize?

No, I'm mostly size K.

But, I mean, do you supersize when you go to McDonald's?

Do you supersize the meal?

No, I don't buy, I don't eat in McDonald's.

We eat pizza, though.

Yeah, I eat pizza once in a while.

Maybe, you know, every other month.

I don't eat junk food because I have high cholesterol.

Oh, you see.

Too much pizza, you get high cholesterol.

That's the problem.

And then look what happens.

You know, we are Filipino.

We eat our food, you know.

Oh, you like pineapple?

Yeah.

I had a Filipino girl.

I used to kiss her all over her body all the time.

What is your name anyway?

Garson.

Garson?

Huh?

Garson the Brahmin.

Are you the owner there?

Uh-huh.

Are you the owner?

Yeah, I'm the owner.

Yeah, because maybe I can file a complaint because I read what you said to me.

No, but it's just me.

We're talking like friends, you and me.

There's no complaint.

Oh, no, because, you know, my husband is, you know, is hearing what you said to me.

Has he got a problem?

Yeah, hearing.

He recalled it because, you know, you're very rude, okay?

Well, I'm certified in self-defense.

Yeah.

Maybe I'm going to file a complaint on you, you know, about you.

Are you coming to my store?

I'm going to write you up.

I'm going to give you a complaint, too, to my manager, my boss.

Okay.

Yeah, because, you know, because my son is the one who ordered beer,

and then you took to me that way, you know what I mean?

Okay.

Hey, do you do laundry also when you come to the house to clean,

or do you just clean the house?

Oh, she hung up.

Okay.

There you go.

Hope you enjoyed that.

That's from a few weeks ago

That's Tritter Complainer

Regarding Papa John's

Number 6

I have three houses

Let's go to that goody-toes

House of little asses

Goody-toes

There she goes

My son has a meaty-toes

A meaty-toes

Best of Art Bell, really?

Best of Art Bell, Navia Winamp

Time for UK Calls

I've got two other streams

I start calling the UK, starting with Pete.

Big Peter over here.

We're going to be wrapping up the show here in about 30 to 40 minutes.

Thanks for tuning in.

The big great idea, call UK.

It will change the world.

It will change the prank call world.

Because, you know, we copied it from KDK.

Yes.

Of course.

Yeah.

Is this Peter, or can I speak with Peter?

Is this Mrs. Peter?

Yeah, who's calling?

This is Cross.

Who?

This is Cross

I'm calling with a 5.24 a.m. wake-up call

I think you've got the wrong number

No, I'm Peter Rayner

Yeah?

Yeah, I have you down here for a 5.30 a.m. wake-up call

Well, I don't know where you got that from

Because he's not even here

Well, he signed up for a 5.30 a.m. wake-up call

As he may be staying in a hotel

And he's so stupid that he put down the wrong number

You think, maybe?

I don't know

You think he's...

Okay

You know he's that stupid?

Wasting my time?

Could we charge for this?

I hope you know

No, there's going to be a charge.

Well, there shouldn't be.

As I say, I don't know who's given you this number and who told you that

because we never use such a thing.

Well, Peter Rayner requested a 5.30 a.m. wake-up call this morning through the computer machine.

He doesn't even use the computer.

No, through the automated telephone computer machine.

He put in the numbers and said authorize, and he put down this as his phone number.

So if he's not there to collect the call,

then we're going to be forced to have to keep the deposit

and put the charge through for a no-call, no-show on his behalf.

Somebody else has done it then because he definitely hasn't.

Well, where is he now?

He's at work.

Well, he's not supposed to be at work yet.

He's supposed to be attending to this phone call that he's scheduled to wake him up

and get him up so he can get ready for work.

Well, he's already at work.

He works at night, so he wouldn't be here.

He's at night.

He does not night work.

I have reason to believe maybe he's sleeping with another woman and there's a big confusion here.

No, I don't think so.

No, maybe he's staying in a hotel with another woman and that's what the confusion is.

No, he isn't. He's definitely at work.

How would you know?

Because I do know.

No, I think it says here that he's supposed to be waking up to, you know, fornicate with a woman.

And obviously it's not you.

No, I think somebody's flying about.

No, I think someone here is taking the piss out of me, is what it is.

I think they're taking it out of me, just waking me up at night.

These people are a bunch of horse's asses that work for this company.

I don't even know what company you are.

International Business Telephone Machines.

What? I don't know anything about that.

You've never heard of International Business Telephone Machines?

No, never heard of it.

Well, we make computer machines and telephone machine calls.

He's signed up here for the weather report, the joke of the day.

I can give that to you now, and if I don't,

then there's going to be a charge coming through on the phone bill.

Well, as you say, I don't understand, no.

Well, either you accept the joke of the day and the weather report,

or, like I said, there's going to be a bad phone bill charge coming through on your next phone bill

from the phone ministry of the United Kingdom.

No, sorry, I don't understand.

The Royal Telephone Machine Company, you know what I'm talking about, RTPC?

No, no.

Well, that's how you get your telephone services to the RTPC of the UK.

Well, I certainly don't understand, anyway, as I say,

and I certainly don't even know how to use a computer.

Well, I don't understand.

Maybe someone out there is impersonating him.

Maybe this is a big conspiracy.

That's what I'm saying.

I think somebody is because they definitely don't, you know.

Yeah, and you know what?

And prisons are full of men who say that they're innocent.

Okay, whatever.

No, I don't understand.

It's like the three biggest lies is that you've got the wrong Peter is the first one.

Number two, the checks in the mail.

Number three, I'm only going to put the head in.

The three biggest lies in the world.

Sorry, I think it's wrong.

Well, what if I only put the head in, then?

Well, would it bother?

Like, you can't...

It won't affect anything, right?

If I just put in just the head?

Hmm?

Oh, sir?

Sir?

Lost a patient.

We're only putting in the head here tonight, everybody.

Thanks for tuning in to Madhouse.

Oh, that was a good one, boy.

She just loves the Armani, so...

More wake-up calls to the U.K.

Arthur coming up right now.

I'm just looking up the exchange rate.

Right.

Seven pounds is just about $10.

Seven pounds is $10.

Seven pounds a minute for the wake-up calls.

$10 a minute for the wake-up calls, so seven pounds a minute.

Okay, got it.

Sounds good.

$10 a minute.

Seven pounds, I got it.

I got to remember that.

Seven pounds a minute.

From the RTPC, Royal Telephone Phone Machine.

What is it?

RTMC.

Royal Telephone Machine.

What was I saying?

I already forgot

We're all telephone machines

Telephone machines

Yeah

International telephone machines

International business telephone machines

Yes

Because IBM is international business machines

I thought that's really funny

International business machines

IBTM

That's IBM

Yeah, now we're using IBT

Hello

Yes, hello

Hello

Hello, stupid

This is Cross calling from IBTM

It's a fine time to be reading it

Yes

It's very important

Am I speaking with Arthur, please?

Am I speaking with old man Arthur, please?

Okay, great.

I'm calling with your 5.30 a.m. wake-up call and your weather report for the day.

Are you awake, sir?

I'm calling from International Business Telephone Machines.

I think he's having a heart attack over there.

God, you hear the poor guy?

Jesus.

I think he was in the middle of having sex, I think.

I was wondering, were you in the weather, too?

Yeah, he's having sex right now.

Hello, sir?

Hello?

Yes, hi, we got the weather report.

Go ahead, talk, take it away.

Hi, Wednesday, 82 degrees.

Thursday, 70 degrees, a low of 43.

Friday, 74 degrees, a low of 41, sunny.

Saturday, 70 degrees, a 38, sunny.

Sunday, partly sunny.

76 degrees, 44 is your low.

And Monday, it's hardly sunny, 80 degrees, and 49 is your low.

And that's the weather report.

That's, just keep in mind, that's 7 pounds per minute for the weather report.

Do you want to schedule your wake-up call for tomorrow, sir?

He just dug up.

All right, now we've got to ask him.

Let's ask him what to schedule his wake-up call tomorrow at 7 pounds a minute.

I was just reading my weather here.

That was good.

But there are centigrade there, I think.

Oh, okay.

So you just told him that the world's going to boil over there in the UK.

It's going to boil over there tomorrow for free.

He's one of the three.

Yeah, he's going to die.

We pretty much just told him it's going to be a nuclear fire all day for the next few weeks.

He's in the middle of it.

And he just went to his basement.

Oh, my Lord, the Yankees have done it finally.

All right, folks.

All right.

We've got Andrew now.

Let's see if we can wake him up.

They knew they were doing it.

Hello?

No, they're not.

Yes, hello.

I wanted to make sure that I speak with Andrew or Andrew's spouse, please.

Who are you?

This is Cross.

I'm calling from International Business Telephone Machines, a spin-off of Real Telephone.

No, it's 5.36 in the morning.