Shut Up

What?

You know the man puts on the thing for the woman?

You know when that happens and the woman gets like that?

Who?

A man and a woman together when they love each other very much.

Shut up.

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio podcast.

The motherfuckers.

Madhouse Radio is back here again.

No one can see my dancing.

Dancing?

Put your pants on.

Evil Art is here with me.

We're trying to call in Milkman.

Is he online yet, Milkman?

Yeah, right.

Milkman's here.

Milky.

Milkman is here.

What's up, Milkman?

What's up, man?

I hear you in the distance.

What's going on, man?

Oh, let me get the, uh, I'll get that working a little better.

And Tux here.

I don't sound like I'm direct.

Do I sound far?

I sound like I'm, like, on the phone, man.

I think you are dead.

I'm dead?

All dead.

Do I sound bad?

How do I sound, uh, Milkman?

Do I sound far away?

You sound far away.

You sound like you're in another room.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, we're still having trouble here.

Hang on.

Is your mic on, Carlito?

Yeah, it sounds weird.

It sounds like I'm not right there on the direct mix, like I'm off on the side or something.

That's my fault.

American components, Russian components, all made in Taiwan.

I just changed my shit to Taiwanese and Skype an accident.

I don't know what to do.

Look, when you speak Taiwanese...

No, no, no, I don't.

Already, pull up your Skype and show me how you change your languages.

I changed it to Taiwanese on accident.

I swear to God, I did.

That is fucking nuts.

He's got evil already in there, so that's probably screwing stuff up.

You go to tools, right?

I'm screwing stuff.

You're so fucked up.

Go to tools.

I don't know what's going on.

It really sounds weird, man.

It's really hard to understand you.

Hey, I'm looking for the...

Hang on, let me...

I gotta play something, because I messed up the audio.

It's my fault.

I just tried to call Dieter's, and I got a weird number.

I think he changed one of his numbers, so I don't know what the deal is on that.

Hey, there you go.

All right, I got it.

Hey, there you go.

It's a new computer that I'm working with.

Is it too loud for you?

Because what you're hearing is the way the people we prank are, so it's important.

Yeah, take it down a little bit.

I'm going to turn the boost down.

Check, check, check.

What do we know?

Yeah, it sounds better now than it did, Jesus.

I like using the other rims.

They sound normal.

What about now?

Check, check, check.

Anything?

That's good.

Too loud, or is it good?

Perfect?

It sounds good on this end now, man.

It sounds good now.

Okay, now we can start.

All right.

I'll get to my headphones, but every time he talks, I think he's going to be standing over me.

You think I'm standing over you?

Artie is in the distance, but I think we want him in the distance

So we really do

I'm controlling Artie in the distance

Good

Mentally, physically, metaphysically

Fucking Tuck

Tuck's here, as you can hear, Artie, and of course the big milkman here, we're saying hi to everybody

Welcome to 3-8-9-8-4-6-9, back in your ear balls again

The camera's going okay

What's that?

You want to...

No, no, let's turn on incense

incense uh evil already wants to make instance that's the dead's uh i thought that they were

fireworks the dead's in the incense and stuff uh so we got double video going on i hope it's

working okay everyone let me know this is gonna be crazy republican stuff yeah the dead's uh the

devil's talking to talk uh tell milkman about this because i didn't uh i caught this and it

sounded hilarious he's talking about ice t the rapper like oh my god you know what i and like

i know about ice to the rapper he's just going on and on and on about ice t's new album like i

i know what the fuck he's talking about i don't think i know what i see is he saying once about

killing cops wow yeah he's saying the cop killer song and then now he now and now he plays a cop

on nbc doesn't he doesn't he in that show i don't know it's on i think right now whatever oh my god

probably is on right now it ended 15 minutes ago because it's set to record what's it a what is

it law and order svu law and order miami no fbi special victims unit special victims they go

after rape people nice that's cool they should rape them sometimes that's good that's cool

so continue to show without me fine leave message me message me when you're ready to come back

all right all right what's been going on milkman what's in the news something we could talk about

here uh what happened today i've been busy from working on a computer i got this problem with

My friends at DSL, they're hooked up with AT&T DSL.

Oh, my God.

Talk about an idiot.

You know how the service doesn't get much better than that.

You need some good dick-sucking lips for you.

I hear it.

Oh, my God.

At least, man.

I can't assume the pros, so I'm in trouble, man.

You can't assume the pros?

No.

If you look here, by looking in the chat room here, you know, we are taking up a collection

for a deposit on a rug doctor.

Anybody would like to contribute to that?

Yeah, please.

Because our drop cloth was not accessible.

The cats were using the drop cloth.

I have a question for our rock doctor.

Everybody please contribute.

Carlito, could you explain that to our listeners?

Yeah, and Art is already putting in his $5 for the repair on the carpet.

It's probably going to have to do at the end of the show.

The carpet?

Yeah, we'll see how bad you leave the carpet this time.

Make sure you talk right on that mic.

It's a shit mic.

We need to tell the people about the issue.

What happened to some of our listeners weren't around the last time Artie was down there.

Carlito?

Yeah, last time he was here and I didn't take pictures of him.

You came over already with, what was it, Jujubees or something?

Yeah, I had them, but I ate in the car.

You got to talk right into the fucking mic.

I had them, but I ate in the car.

You might want to pick it up when you're talking to him, just to be honest with you.

I had them, but I ate in the car.

No, you ate here.

No, I mean this time.

Oh, this time you did, yeah, because you were instructed.

You weren't allowed to, you know.

Well, I was a little bored during the long trip out here.

Yeah, how long did it take you to get here?

Like 40 minutes.

It should take an hour.

Key driver like that.

Ding, ding, ding.

Oh, my God.

We got somebody remembered.

Brendan remembers.

Brendan remembers?

What did he say?

Already making a mess again.

Yeah, Brendan, I'm giving a gold star for that.

You get the gold star for that one, Brendan does.

Where's my gold stars at?

There we go.

Gold star out for Brendan.

All right, we got numbers coming in here?

Yeah.

Lonesome Loser will be here in a little bit, in about an hour or so.

In the meantime, we're going to be doing our thing.

We're, of course, on Cacti Radio.

Brendan is sending in numbers for the Happy Dragon Chinese restaurant.

We've got a person in Manchester

We've got some people in Manchester here

We can wake them up

We've got a kebab house

And we've got a Chinese restaurant in Oregon

A lot of places to call here

Hey Milkman, I don't know if I got a chance to tell you

You already know about this

I went out today to the University of Central Florida

And I met Bill Clinton

He was out there

He was stumping for the Democratic candidate

Kendrick Meek

He's a Democratic Senator candidate

Oh really?

Yeah, and I got to shake his hand

I was right up front

and I got to watch everything

and when they left,

Clinton went down my way

and I stuck my hand out,

you know,

like they do on TV

and I got to touch

the president's hands.

And he,

don't worry,

he really fucked his hands

and sterilized them.

Yeah,

I put Purell on it right away.

Like,

I was like,

uh-uh,

no way.

Dude,

now you're going to have to

take that

and wipe it on a blue dress

and it'll be famous.

Yeah, I should,

yeah, right,

I should have,

Get one of your cigars out too, man.

Smoke one of your cigars

just in,

you know,

in commemoration of you, man.

I should have slipped him a god dang Madhouse CD.

I got one left.

That would have been funny.

He'd imagine.

I like these.

I did not have sexual relations with this woman.

That would be awesome if Bill Clinton ended up liking Madhouse and he was listening to it.

And he'd promote it.

And he'd promote it, yeah.

He'd get interviewed.

You'd have a lot of Democrats in the chat room.

Or if it was in a prank call too, that would be kind of funny.

That would be kind of cool to watch.

You know how awesome it would be to do a prank with Bill Clinton?

Yeah.

Oh, can you imagine?

You know, they say Michael Jackson used to do a lot of prank calls on his private plane all the time.

Really?

Yeah, he used to do a prank call on women and ask them if their pussies stink and stuff like that.

Did he prank call Kitty College and ask if there's little kids there?

Have they had any openings?

Wow.

Too soon?

I don't know.

Carlito, I got a question for you.

What's your question, Evil Artie?

I don't have any soda left.

Could I buy a two liter?

Five dollars for this two liter right here?

It's called two liter Diet Pepsi.

Could you give me three back?

You gotta get a cup, though, or something to put it in.

You're sharing with me.

You don't have to pay me for it, but you gotta get something to put it in.

Okay.

A funnel?

You're not gonna be able to get it in there, are you?

It's Halloween, and you quit.

We're gonna do a prank call here real quick.

Already, while I do the prank call, just go and get yourself...

Oh, I can play a prank.

I gotta get a cup for myself anyway.

Because my Big Gulp cup is full of water right now.

So...

Big Gulp.

It makes it a yellow water.

If it's yellow water, you better go recycle.

Definitely.

Coraluda's saying I should call the Butterball Hotline

I need help with preparation

Preparation for what? Leave it up to our imagination

Okay, sounds good

Yeah, you're going to Halloween Turkey

That's true, Milkman, when is Halloween this year?

That's your birthday, what day does it fall on?

Is it a Thursday or a Wednesday?

Oh man, it's October 31st

I think it's a Friday

It's a Sunday

Oh, my brother will be home

That's good because

You got candy stuffing

Candy corn stuffing

Alright

I'm gonna give them

Already opened candy

I'm a pedophile

For Halloween

Candy corn stuffing

That sounds good

Candy corn

Hey you know what

That might not be bad

A candy corn stuffing

And a turkey

I might try it

Let's try it

We gotta do a crystal thon

Alright I'm gonna play

A song real quick

So I can grab two cubs

One for myself

And one for the old boy

Over here

I'll be right back

The big boy

The big baby

He's wearing a diaper today

Everybody

Get a prank

Just about done

Alright

Alright Rebecca

Send me a message

Let's check

Just send it

Didn't rat out live

live ken says that evil already was checking out my package oh maybe i don't see your message

manhouse live that's me i'm manhouse live yeah i'm getting there i got a lot of messages open

oh okay hang on i gotta find it i gotta find it tell you what i closed them all

oh yeah i got you okay yeah i'll make sure you can hear the music when i when i stand up good

Good idea.

Sorry, my bad.

Where did Tuck go?

Thank you.

Tuck had to go wash dishes.

All right, let's call a Chinese restaurant.

She doesn't have a woman for that?

I got a feeling about Tuck.

I don't know.

Ken had a nice...

Someone had a good idea about...

Ken?

Ken, were you talking about calling a Chinese place just now?

Someone did.

I'm going to call a kebab house.

No.

Yeah, we got that.

That's the...

Angry kebab.

What's that called?

Nunu knows.

Nunu has that number.

You're a waste life.

Yeah.

Oh, that's...

Yeah, the newer guy.

I think that's Albalal.

You're a waste of life.

Waste of life.

Tuck's a waste of life.

Ha ha.

Those milk pancakes.

So is I'm.

Quiet.

I turned them off.

Ha ha ha.

Hello, Kebab House.

Hey, this is Kebab Place, right?

Yeah, Kebab House.

You know why I ask?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, because last time I ordered kebabs from you guys

and you sent me french fries and something with bacon in it.

And I ate halal.

I don't explain that.

Yeah, but somebody sent me french fries from where they're like a prank

and I want an explanation about that.

I mean, I'm over it now.

But at the end of this call, I want to talk to a supervisor about it

because there's problems between me and you.

What is this?

Someone over there put pork products inside my bacon, stuff like that.

No, I don't have any pork products.

I know. You're not supposed to, but someone there was playing a joke on me.

I don't know.

Is there a young guy who's like a prankster there who makes jokes?

Do you know who I'm talking about?

Sir, you want some give-me-orders or that's okay?

Oh, you don't want to talk. I understand.

You're a busy man. Is that what it is?

Is this a business? Is that what the problem is?

Yeah.

Okay. Well, put me down for a number two.

My number? It's the same number.

No, what is your problem? I mean, what is your complaint?

Okay, what's your order?

What is the number two?

Okay, sir, I have a lot of items. I have curry, chicken, kebab...

So what do you want?

That one, the number two.

I don't have any number two.

Well, make it up.

What do you think will be a nice number?

You tell me what's your order.

Pork kebab.

I don't have any pork here.

That's where the confusion is here, because the last time I got pork from you, I swear to God I did.

I swear to fucking hell.

No, I don't have pork.

I have beef.

I have lamb.

I have chicken.

I have fish.

I have, what's it called, prawn.

That's it.

Do you wash your hands?

Yes.

Every time?

Yes.

Right.

Do you smoke cigarettes?

No.

No?

Does anyone there smoke in the bathroom?

No.

No? You sure?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

I want you to sit on the floor while you take my order.

Okay, what's your order?

No, you have to sit on the floor first.

Okay, man.

What, you're talking to me?

Because animals sit on the floor.

What kind of talking to me?

Because you're going to eat now, and animals eat on the floor.

Like, people eat on the table, and animals eat on the floor.

Okay, bye.

Bye, buddy.

Yeah, whatever.

It's a weird day.

What happened?

Hello?

Hey, Target's still on the line.

Target!

I hang up now.

All right, let me call him back.

I thought I lost him.

I'm sorry.

You've already had a full medium pizza, is it, so far?

Yeah.

Plus the slice that I gave you?

Two slices you gave me.

I gave you two slices of mine.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm like, I had this whole...

Why aren't you talking to the mic again?

Oh, I had this whole bag of things.

Oh, yes.

Is this the place with the kebabs?

Kebab place, so to say?

Okay, what kind of kebab do you want?

I was just talking to a lady, a woman over there, who hung up the phone on me.

Okay, hold a minute.

okay hello hello how you doing very good sir that's good um are you do you have husband

who are you this is cross this is cross i'm making an order my name is cross okay sir go ahead give

you order does your husband know that you're talking to another man who's not your husband

you want talk for another person and you want talk to me but according to the quran you're

not supposed to talk to other men right that aren't your husband do you have do you have

permission to talk to me i don't want you to get in trouble you know what can you talking about

you want something ordered sir i'm just right now very busy you can give you order for me

is that okay yeah you go ahead i take your order yes sir you're not gonna get in trouble because

i'm not your i mean what if i become attracted to you while i'm taking the order and we talk

about sexual things what what about talking i can understand about dirty you know like down there

What?

You know the man puts on the thing for the woman?

You know when that happens?

And the woman gets like that?

Who?

A man and a woman together.

When they love each other.

Who, who?

Very much.

Shut up.

Hello?

I'm sorry.

He was still on the line.

Awesome, that was fun.

Shut up!

That's, that, I think that, unless we hit something better, that's a good contender for title of the show.

It's gonna be shut up.

That's simple enough.

You shut up.

You gotta shut up too.

I'm already talking to the fucking mic, you maricon.

Do I got to shut up, you fucking medic-on?

I'm trying to...

Let me see if I can brighten it.

It looks dark, though, right?

Maybe the lighting in this room is a little off tonight.

I'm not sure.

It's not coming in too bright.

I got called a gringo in Mexico.

By a Mexican?

Yeah.

Were they angry at you?

No.

He's like, hey, gringo, you want Cuban cigar?

He was making fun of you.

You should have kicked his ass, man.

Right, Milkman?

Milkman's from down there.

Milkman got into fights all the time when they called him gringo in the Virgin Islands.

He took someone's life almost.

Hey, there's a fight for her.

He broke an empty bottle on a table and started sticking him with a knife.

You know what that empty bottle is called, right?

It's called the nigger knife.

Yeah, it's a nigger knife.

That's what Milkman calls it.

His words, not mine.

Milkman always travels around with a broken bottle.

You never know.

MSG3 Clay, good point.

Let's call the Butterball and ask about a candy corn stuffing.

But I need the number.

It's 800 Butterball, I think.

Let's try it.

I think it is 800 Butterball.

or if i was from new york i would say put a ball if i was zolar yo i'm zola oh my god this is high

pitch i'm gonna get a put a ball turkey this year that sounds like a high low pitch version of high

pitch low pitch version of high pitch low pitch eric how do you get a dial pad on skype do you

know uh they're big arty dial what the dial pad call phones yeah that's what you do i think it's

It's 1-800-1-800-288.

That's B-U-T-T-E-R-B.

This will either be it or a phone sex line.

Because every 800 number now that's not taken is like a phone sex line.

I figured it out.

Welcome to Butterball.

We're right.

Phone sex line.

We're sorry.

That was not a valid response.

Please try again.

Welcome to Butterball.

For all consumer inquiries and concerns, please press or say 4.

Bienvenidos a Butterball

Para ser conectado con la línea telefónica del pavo Butterball en español

Para escuchar información

What a piece of shit

Welcome to Butterball

I didn't say anything

For all consumer inquiries and concerns

I muted the mic so it doesn't turn on

Bienvenidos a Butterball

Para ser conectado con la línea telefónica del pavo Butterball en español

Para escuchar información sobre cómo preparar su pavo

Y para asistencia culinaria oprima el número 7

Four

Four you cunt

Thank you for calling Butterball Consumer Affairs.

Our office is closed.

If you have questions on Butterball products or products to share,

please call back during our normal business hours.

I almost hung up on Milkman at the same time.

What the fuck?

Yeah, don't want to make it a turkey this late anyway, Milkman.

You still got to talk right into the microphone.

That's all I'm going to say.

I am either really slow or my phone is.

All right.

Why?

Feels like it's got a virus.

Your phone's got a virus?

It's like slowing down.

Do you got a task killer on that?

Yeah, and I pretty much killed everything.

killed that and it's still running slow yeah are you using up your how many apps you have

installed i got a lot installed i think not really i had a lot more on the old one oh man

that's a refurbished phone they gave you right after you i think so you got an evo show it to

the camera evil art has got a hcc evo that's what milkman has he has an evo right milkman has an

evo yeah he's got an evo and he doesn't answer the phone it doesn't work it's on the phone now

is he still there milkman did i hang up on you no he's still here oh shit milkman you're on mute

you're there milkman you missed the whole conversation i was saying milkman you got an

an evo right yeah i got an evo but i couldn't hear anything while that was going on no no i

forgot to take it off of mute um because the machine was uh you know listening um you got

an evo already has an evo i have a g2 i just got it it's over here in front of the shocker let me

put the shocker down i have 4g why don't you get an evo man get a real phone because i don't want

to have fucking sprint shit sprints uh not that good in florida i had sprint before that's my g2

Just got it last night

T-Mobile

Android phone

Well Evo

Evo's the way to go

After Artie

Yeah

Artie

Well Artie

He's been through two

What happened

I puked on my first

He puked on his first one

And it wouldn't turn back on at all

Just pick up the mic

Artie if you're gonna talk

There you go

Hey

There you go

Perfect

Keep that in your hand

Like a dick

He's sucking it

No just put it on my belly

Like this

Alright so

Your first Android phone

And you puked on it

After what

How long you had

Um, after three quarters of a handle of Captain Morgan.

You puked on, like, all over it?

Because you lost it at first.

I puked all over the room.

Wow.

The bathroom.

Everywhere but in the toilet.

You lost it for, like, a day, right?

Yeah, I thought I lost it because it was, like, a complete blackout for, like, five hours.

Wow.

And then you found it.

Yeah, covered in puke.

Covered in puke, and you tried to turn it on, and nothing.

It came on, but then it died.

You see, what happened was it was still wet inside.

I'd had you left it off

just taking out the battery

and left it off

for like a whole day or so

so it would've been fun

yeah you shorted it out

yeah cause if your phone

if your cell phone gets wet

or like a camcorder

or something

the best thing to do

as soon as you get it

take the battery out of it

leave it

take the battery out

don't turn it on

for like a few days

and put it under a fan

for like a

two or three days

and let it dry

fucking

I put it on a hair dryer

or put it in a bright

sunny window

without the battery

I've had to

you know why

why

the fucking stink

Ah, yeah, that's right.

Dude, I feel bad for the person at the depot that got that phone back that you said.

No, I told them I lost it.

Oh, okay, you were too embarrassed.

Well, I didn't know whether they'd cover it.

Oh, okay, yeah.

So you still got it, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, you could sell it for parts.

I don't really think you want those parts.

Nah, sell it on eBay for parts.

Don't tell them.

They don't need to know that you puked on it.

I could probably sell the back panel.

Yeah, what is it with the back panel?

They never want to give out the back panel at these places.

like t-mobile like i had to send my phone back to them like we'll send you an aftermarket one

yeah but they said we're gonna send you everything but the back panel i'm like okay

like it's a big deal that i get the back panel why is that anyway what's with it why are they

so valued look in the camera i don't know if you'll be able to see it htc yeah that looks

cool that screen droid i can't you can't really see it's too bright evo 4g it's on the startup

up screen oh wow mine just is htc evo motherfucker all right ken says that spring can eat his ass

for 70 months bucks a month yeah it's too expensive t-mobile has really cheap

rates and they're finally rolling out their hsda or hsda that's like the 4g right 4g yeah

so it's uh switch to t-mobile yeah but i i was told it was like 100 a month for new customers

i don't know but it's like it's like everything unlimited i don't think it's 100 dude it can't

be a hundred i don't think so anyway it comes out to a hundred dollars a month with everything

because with sprint because i also pay 70 for protection on the part right seven i mean and

then like 22 in packs and an extra 10 premium data hey man all right so already you want to

do a prank call depends what i'm calling uh well we're going to call that kebab place back because

they know my voice i thought you'd get in there get a little okay you know stick the head in you

know a little bit so um just the tip just the tip that's the biggest lie in the world uh milkman

you're going to be listening here now and i want you to let us know this is the first time we use

this this other computer that he's at uh so before we do the call just give us the highest

end of the low sign of his uh quality is good all right let me connect them first all right

well keep looking at my window then because i've got it open here i'll just message you

Is his computer outside?

Yeah, yeah.

He has to go outside.

He's not allowed to have it inside.

All right, let's see.

Madhouse guests.

Out of the sky?

All right, shoot, say, answer it.

There you go.

All right, now talk.

Well, hello there.

All right, good.

Can you hear him, Milkman?

Yeah, I hear him.

Does he sound too loud, too low?

Does he sound okay?

It sounds like he's in the background.

Does it really?

All right, we're going to have to fix it then.

Yeah.

Stop that, Artie.

I'm going to cut you off.

When you start making stupid fucking noises

and ruining the audio,

we're going to cut you off.

That's all I got to say.

All right, let me go over there.

I'm going to ask him for a malaka kebab.

Malaka kebab?

Greek restaurant?

Like a Greek?

If there was a Greek slash Arab one,

that'd be something to ask for.

This is Milkman's favorite song here.

Lost in Virginia, do it.

Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.

Give me a moment so we can fix Evil Artie's audio.

My deck's dark right now, so...

Hey, I'm hungry.

Hello?

Hey, I'm hungry.

I want some food.

I guess it's the delay or something.

That's weird, right?

They should be able to hear you okay.

Fuckers. Is this mic working?

Test. Yes, it is. Good.

Now it's better.

I'm going to call the police soon.

AT&T security.

Your call has been forwarded to an

automatic voice message system.

It is not available. At the tone, please record

your message. When you have finished recording,

you may hang up.

Or press 1 for more options.

Corey in security.

Corey in security. Very nice.

Alright, get off the phone. Go back to your mics.

don't hang up the phone

you hung up the phone?

that's fine, I can recall it, no problem

no worries, we can fix that

alright,

right it is now 10 47 we're running out first 45 minutes of show we have succeeded in

pranking one place so far thank you for joining me to call up hannah who's hannah let's call the

big girl that you got ahead from on the cruise ship tell us the story first though man come on

milkman uh you gotta listen to the story about evil arty you got ahead on a cruise ship from a

300 300 pound black girl take it away already i was um at the bar after about 15 to 20 plus drinks

and it was getting late in the night and late in the night your standards kind of get a little low

plus the alcohol kicks in and you just you just gotta pick up what's called a grenade it just

happens sometimes that's what it was just an ugly girl and i just sat down next to this 300 pound

black chick she's like already i'm a suck yo dick and well nice before the end of the night and the

The funniest shit was I was in, like, the pizza parlor that's free because I wasn't paying for this naked bitch.

You took her out to the free pizza parlor?

Yeah.

We'll see the end.

We're on this show.

We don't talk about that.

Well, anyways, I'm sitting there, and there's this guy.

I was always coming into this pizza place shit-faced every night.

And this guy was there who I knew his name.

His name was Julio.

He was from Peru.

Julio?

And I got one arm around this black chick, and the other hand, I'm going,

like on Wedding Crashers.

Right.

Okay.

I got to pin it in the submission.

And the next morning, he's like, hey, Artie, where's your girlfriend?

And that's it?

Oh, yeah, and then I get a blowjob from her.

Eight feet away from your brother.

Busted all over her face.

Eight feet away from my brother in the cabin.

Nice, congratulations.

Is that the first time you ever just, and you kicked her out of the cabin, right?

Yeah, and I kicked her out, and I'm like, and that's how you get them out.

Artie, do you live your life just quoting that show?

I do, I do.

Really?

T-shirt time.

That's sad.

Milkman would have no idea.

Yeah, Milkman's old like me.

We don't watch the real world at all, Milkman, or anything like that.

All I know is Snooki.

Snooki.

Even I know her.

What's her real name?

Snooki?

Nicole.

But I'm saying she's Snooki, right?

Tasha is built just like her.

Nice.

She's got that little bit of a chunk on her.

That's how Milkman likes his girls like that.

A little bit.

Right, Milkman?

You want an Asian like that, Milkman?

Oh, he's got one.

Yeah, but she ain't got it the right way, man.

She's all right, but she's kind of a little skanky for Milkman.

She looks like she takes nasty shit.

It's like it smells really bad after she takes a shit, and that's not attractive at all.

She's got that skanky demeanor.

If she isn't skanky, she acts skanky.

True.

That's right.

And she gets that fake tan, right?

That's going to give her lung cancer in the future, probably, or something like that.

Anyway, well, here we are.

Madhouse Radio, send in your request over to me.

Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

I'm sorry, Milkman.

Hang on.

AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger users, Madhouse Radio is my screen name.

And Madhouse at live.com if you're using MSN Messenger.

I'm sorry, Milkman, what were you saying now?

Sorry to interrupt you.

No, I'm sorry, sir.

I said she'd be good for splooge in the face.

Yeah, right around the hair.

Something like that.

Does she wear glasses?

There you go.

Right in your eyes.

I got lashes.

Pearl necklace.

Remember already when we did those pranks with Hollywood?

I want you to call the gas station from you.

Why?

Because I want to find out what kind of delicacies they have there.

Oh, yeah, if they got stuff in their burner.

What's it called?

The Perfect Night, right?

Yeah.

I want to hear that now.

Hang on.

Perfect Night.

It's like 10 minutes long, though.

Is it really?

Yeah.

Where do you think?

Halfway through is where it's at.

I don't have it here, though.

I think that was only on YouTube, and I deleted it on accident, I think.

Yeah.

Perfect Nights.

I think I have it in one of the old show files.

I could isolate it.

Oh, shit.

Playing the wrong song there.

Whoops.

This is the outro song.

I don't want to play that yet.

All right, cool.

Guys, prank calls.

That's what we're here for.

Come on.

Chat room back here in front of me, and I'll let you know what we're going to do.

There's something with the new MIRC where it closes automatically to the system tray

for some reason, and I hate that.

I end up losing it.

Happens a lot on Vista and Windows 7.

Lonesome Loser's here.

He's sending in numbers.

Lonesome Loser.

What's up to Lonesome?

Lonesome's a fucking man.

Your friend the Artie's over here.

All right, Lonesome.

Alice Cooperstown.

Cooperstown.

Alice Cooperstown.

Huh.

Alice Cooper.

Interesting gentleman.

He was in one of those

Waynesville movies, wasn't he?

Alice Cooper is a fucking metal guy.

That's what I'm saying. Old one, though, right?

He's been around for a long time.

You did that song, Me and My Frankenstein, or something like that?

Hang on, did the Magic win tonight? I'm sure they did.

Yep, 101-76. Holy shit.

We beat the Atlanta Magic

1-25 points today over Dallas.

It's preseason, but still, it was a big game.

Looks like a retard dancing back here.

Probably. Were you dancing? I wasn't watching.

To the outro music. Trying to connect the phone here.

Come on, little bastard.

Yes.

Wings of Mass Destruction, or WMDs.

Wings of Mass Destruction.

If you're not quite up to the task, try one of our awesome barbecue entrees.

I'm not going to smoke pretzels.

I would get a free-baked street pretzels.

Or a very small pretzel.

All right, I've got a marker here.

This will drop off.

It's you partying like a rock star.

Check out our website for information on our daily drink special.

And while you're there, download our menu.

We can't wait to see you.

Mr. Meyer, may I help you?

Yeah, I was wondering to ask before I went down there.

I can't get my thing to work over here.

Hello?

Yeah, I can't get it to work.

Hello?

I'm sorry?

I was having trouble getting it to work.

Getting what to work, sir?

I was wondering about the people.

Like, is it normal people that are down there that I'm going to have to stand in line with?

You know what I'm talking about?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Is there different people there, or is this, like, normal people?

Where's just normal people that come in this restaurant to eat food?

What, like American people?

American people?

Yeah, like, what would you say?

There's all kinds of people in this restaurant.

What would you say, like, the average income is there?

Like, gross salary?

$40,000 or less?

Well, definitely not employees, because your people are below.

But, you know, you guys are all entry-level low people that work there, right?

Except for, like, maybe one or two managers and stuff.

What's your question, sir?

Are you a manager?

I am a manager.

So are you, you know, are you a renter or a homeowner?

Is there something I can help you with, sir, that has to do with my restaurant?

And are you coming down here?

Yeah, I want to come down, but I want to see what kind of people I'm associating with.

Are they going to be touching my food or are they going to be in charge?

So, I mean, like, do you rent or own a house?

Like, do you rent where you live or do you own?

My personal information has nothing to do with what you need to know, sir.

I'm just concerned that if the people who are in charge there maybe don't make enough money,

then there's, you know, possibility that people steal money out of the cash register there

and do stuff to the food on accident and they'll let it go through still.

that i was reading a newspaper the other day one of those newspapers and they were talking about

that how they give people less money than they used to and then your people don't want to you

know fix up when you drop the food on the floor and you still serve it up and stuff like that so

that's what my concern is you understand and it said that we had a right to ask before we ordered

so that's what they said we do not do that sir yeah but that but they said that we're supposed

to ask like what kind of people work there the people that work could you hold us one second

All right, buddy. No problem.

He's getting a little confused.

Buddy?

Well, yeah, your phone doesn't fucking work.

Your phone's gone.

Your phone has AIDS.

You should call him on the other line. That'd be fun.

He's like, where the fuck are you?

Call him when they say that you've got reports of someone who's, uh,

asking about how people...

at our online store

and even download coupons

and install our current

food and drink specials.

It's all waiting for you

24-7 at www.alicecooperstown.com.

What do you think they do

here at Alice Cooperstown anyway?

You think it's like a

rock and roll kind of place?

Themed?

Hello?

Oh, I forgot to pick that up.

For an NBA fan,

NFL fan,

or hockey fan,

catch all the action

right here at

Alice Cooperstown.

Basketball fan,

swing by and catch

all the high-flying rim rock

and catch the game

at the NBA.

For our NFL fans, we have an NFL Sunday ticket.

So Coop has us open at 10 a.m. every Sunday.

So this is Alice Cooper's place, though, right?

I'm going to turn that down.

Sounds like it's Alice Cooper's actual place there.

Did I? Yeah, I always do.

He wants us to call England probably.

That's his big deal.

Nunu is sending in a message here.

Refer to women as birds instead of big.

Do Christmas carols where you're getting in ahead of the competition.

And later do wake-up calls to New York City to make sure no one is asleep.

Oh, that's right.

That's right. He said because New York City is a city that never sleeps, so we're thinking about calling New York City and waking them up and telling them they're not supposed to sleep because it's a city that never sleeps. I like that idea.

If you guys want to help us out, get us numbers for people in Manhattan, New York City, stuff like that.

Do they sleep there in L.A., Milkman, or do you people sleep, right?

You all right?

How many hours is, how many, yeah, that's a good question. Milkman, how many hours a night do you sleep, usually? What's a good, what's a good night for you?

How many hours a night I sleep?

Maybe about two to six.

Two to six?

Four to six.

Four to six, yeah.

I can get by a few days on four or three.

But then I'm going to need a night where I sleep like six or, you know,

well, at least I got to sleep at least like nine or ten to catch up.

And that's not good.

That's not good for your health.

It makes you sick.

Here you go, Arden.

Your shit's on.

Grab this from my hand, you son of a bitch.

Stupid son of a bitch.

I was going to bounce on this, man, because I'm not picking up.

Call him back.

Yeah, we got blown off on that one.

He got wise to you.

I guess he's playing the hold game, as we like to call here.

I think he put John Furmer hold.

Yeah, he put John Furmer hold.

I'm trying to call it back.

Here we go.

The number you have reached is not in service.

Huh?

We just called it.

Come on.

Call back to the deli where we called earlier.

That was pretty funny.

I'm getting Tuck back on here.

He's back.

Shut up.

Hello.

Hey, Tuck.

Hi.

Hi, baby.

How you doing?

Hey, the dad.

The dad, where?

You remember once when Milkman, well, when Prankmaster was around,

and we did a show where Prankmaster called in,

and we kept calling him the dad?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm not the dad.

I got that number from Parker.

Yeah, the number from Parker.

We're going back to last week now, huh?

Oh, a socket?

Oh, no.

Yeah, you do over there.

There's like a blue extension over there.

You see it on the floor?

Yeah.

Try not to disconnect anything, because you can knock out the router, and then we'll be

without show.

That wouldn't be funny.

No, it wouldn't be funny.

That would make people angry.

Our BCP will knock us off, terminate our contract, violation of contract.

I'll tell you what.

I'm going to try this place one more time.

Next.

From?

Is it from a girl?

Who are you calling?

Who?

I forgot already.

Oh, so this is not better.

better it's just now this is invalid phone number milkman that's weird right we called them once i

worked through i'm redialing the same number it doesn't want to go through alice cooperstown is

who we're calling uh okay but uh it's not going through anymore i think they actually did block

us the only the only alice cooper song that i know

mr sky what's it called me and mike frankenstein it was from uh

Frank and Stein

Alright, Benny's Burgers and Barbecue

School's Out Forever is his song too

Oh, is that one of his?

I played that on my way to my graduation in high school

Yeah, hey there, big guy

This is Benny's, right?

Yes, sir

Listen, you guys having any special for graduation this year?

Are we having any special for graduation this year?

It says on his paper that you're supposed to honor this graduation special from 1997.

Yeah, it says on his paper you're supposed to honor this special from 1997.

From 1997?

It says free graduation special, class of 1997.

That's wrong.

Benny's Burgers and Barbecue.

No, I don't.

I mean, it doesn't have an expiration on this, so I don't know.

From 1997 it says that?

It says class of 1997, unless you people made an error on it.

It says Valley Vista High School

Class of 1997

Enjoy a free meal on the house

Benny's Burgers and Barbecue

And it's got your address here

I don't believe so

Are you telling me what paper it's in?

No, it's a piece of paper that I have here

I found it in my yearbook

Oh, it's just a piece of paper?

It's an official receipt

It says official on it

Well, bring it on in

We'll take a look at it

Well, you gotta accept it

I'm making the order now

I'm not paying a penny for it

It's free

Well, we're not open right now

When you're open again.

I'm going to fax it over.

Tomorrow at 10.

What time do you start cooking orders up?

10?

10 o'clock.

Or 10.30, I'm sorry.

All right, I'm going to pick it up around 11.

Go ahead and put it down.

I want two number twos.

Will you call in the morning and make the order in the morning, sir?

No, because I'm going to come in on my way to work and pick this up for the office.

I'm getting a whole order for them.

Okay, that's fine.

Can you just call in the morning, though?

No, it's a special order.

No, I can't do that just in the morning.

You write it down now and pass it on.

All right, no.

Oh, yes.

This is a prank.

Let me speak to the supervisor, please.

This is the supervisor, the manager.

Let me speak to the owner, or a man who's in charge over there, please.

I'm sorry?

Let me speak to a man who might be in charge, a male.

A man who might be in charge. I'm the man in charge right now.

Is there an American I can speak to?

Is there what?

An American, like someone who speaks normally.

Hey, faggot, just leave me alone.

Anti-gay people here at this location.

That's fine, because you're on the radio right now. We're reporting you.

Everyone, I want you to know that KDK is not welcome at Benny's Burger and Barbecue.

We should call him back as a gay.

that's my lawyer hey you're on kfag kfag you're on shit you're on kfag all right cool that's very

horrible that he called me a faggot though you don't just say that word that's like you know

saying in the 60s you would have called me i'm bisexual i'm fabulous what's wrong with that

what's wrong with that saying the f word or being gay i mean saying the n word it's a bad word you

don't say that not in this show you can't no you don't you know what happened to imus and all

all those people uh dr laura and helped imus's career i think it kind of did no one knew about

him anymore until they did that i know no one knew about dr laura and now they i don't think

they know care about her anyway now who the fuck is dr laura exactly he's big in the west

you like well you like dr laura right uh milkman you listen to her i like dr oz

Dr. Oz had a real human vagina and cervixes and stuff one day on the show, and it made

me not want to fuck.

Really?

Yeah.

He had more vagina than Dr. Ruth Westheimer.

So, wait a minute, Dr. Oz, what do you have, like a dead person's one?

Yeah, everything taken out, like the ovaries and everything, and there was this black lady

on there, and she said, it feels like a chicken.

Ew.

Really?

I know that she was touching it with gloves on, though.

She was like, it feels just like a chicken.

And it was a cervix and all that shit?

Yeah.

She was feeling the vagina.

That's nice.

Oh, she was fingering it.

She's gay.

Exactly.

She's a gay.

She's not welcome at Benny's Burger.

She's going to hell.

If you guys want to give your opinion now about the anti-gay ways of Benny's Burger and Barbecue,

wherever it is, I'm going to copy-paste their information right now in the chat room.

There you go.

Go nuts.

Let us know what you think.

Let us know this is a blue state.

Actually, where are they?

They're in Arizona.

I guess they would be anti-gay.

What?

watch i need help typing out a message to a chick i can't help you with that tell her what i'd like

in a guy in a girl i mean i don't know what do you like in a girl like her to cook say something

that she'd like i don't know jewelry say say i like them to cook yeah clean fuck shut the fuck

up they gotta know when to shut up exactly or get that backhand right now you think i got a

line over here took a bat to her i like it on that bruno call you said you shook your wife

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up you shut up right now shut up i said

okay let's speak to a man please i'm sorry i don't speak to huzzy women on the phone

are you trying to place a to-go order yeah but only to speak to a man i don't talk to women on

I'm going to need to keep you on with the manager.

Yeah, that's right.

Put the man pants on the song.

Take it over, Tuck.

I want you to.

Hello.

How can I help you?

Sushi.

Sorry?

Mini sushi.

Sushi, sushi now.

Please.

Sir.

He's gone.

I knew he was going to come over.

What was that about?

Shut up, shut up.

You started that.

Yo, it's all on you.

True story, though.

There's one time I was walking in Office Depot on my lunch break,

and this woman bumped into me on accident

and I said I'm sorry

and she told me watch where you're going

and I was like okay whatever

and I went into Office Depot

and I left and I was in the parking lot walking

and her car she was pulling out

and she was like coming right for me

and I saw her in her car like talking shit

and I said shut up

like really loud just like that

and she stopped her car and put it in reverse

and I stepped out and there was all these people there

and I went shut up shut up shut up

and everyone looked at me like I was a maniac

that was like two years ago too i felt bad about it afterwards but how old were you 33

i was it was only been like three years did you really graduate in 97

yeah damn nine years thank you wait 11 it's been more than nine years 11 years before me

when did you graduate 2005 2008 yeah wow 11 years after i did you're great i saw it for you

yesterday down there by your pp no actually i might have been growing my hair out and i was

looking at it really close and i was like oh shit i do have some gray hairs this is bad

my dad has gray hair it means i should probably be getting gray hair well yeah yeah eventually

where are you going bald exactly in the back of your head oh that's bad for going bald

that's happening to me too oh is it really yep i'm i have receding hairlines so it's getting

Getting worse and worse, I have to cover it up in the front.

All right, so I'll be quiet while you just call.

Who are we calling?

I don't know.

England.

Okay.

Oh, that's a big idea.

Glad.

It's taken Skype a long time to connect today.

Here we go.

Hey there, buddy.

How you doing?

I was calling with those soccer updates.

You what?

I was calling you with some soccer football updates that you signed up for.

Yeah, 4 o'clock.

Huh?

No, I didn't.

4 o'clock in the morning.

It's 4.11 in the morning.

This is your 4.11 wake-up call you signed for with the front desk computer machine

before you checked in at the kiosk.

get the fuck

now shut up

Chris Nash

wake up

damn it

he's not listening to me

I'm getting back here

he doesn't

he's the angriest

in what you have to say

I want those New York numbers

I really want to try

that idea that Nunu has

let's see if Lonesome

has something

hello

hello did you listen to me

I thought we could fuck off

no I don't

I don't understand

your language

your accent

but you're supposed

to opt out

if you don't want

the computer's gonna

keep calling you

until I put down

that you woke up

it's a requirement

you understand

why is it a requirement

because you know i never told the computer to call me at 4 11 in the morning you told us you

told us that you were you would say exactly this here in your memo to the to the system

that you would probably say all this but you told us that you had to be awake at 4 11 a.m

right i think it's time to be awake at 4 11 a.m right are you awake yeah i'm well awake and i'm

going back to bed now so piss off yeah well you gotta you gotta stay authorized for the system

him not to call you again if it doesn't hear it say it all right yeah you're gonna explain to him

hey man the system will call you it will do that into the sky voicemail of zero one oh i'll try it

again i'm not picking up anymore all right all right uh the ored or or read hotel o-r-e-a-d

The Oriad.

Oriad.

Read.

We'll find out.

What?

I'm getting 4G signal out here.

We're close to the downtown.

You probably are, man.

You should be down here.

I get lots of 4G.

I get full bars of my 4G.

It's so awesome.

I love my new phone.

You have?

Does that have 4G?

Yeah, it's just PA.

Oh, I didn't know that that was available yet.

It's 4G speeds.

Yeah, it's been available in Orlando for a while now.

They had no phones until this one came out.

They just had the network out.

They had test phones on the market, but...

Oh, no real subscribers.

This is a different 4G.

What happened to Milkman?

He's faster.

He's there.

Milkman!

Okay.

Milkman's being quiet during the call.

I don't think Milkman likes me.

Nobody likes you.

He doesn't like me either.

You're sitting there like a penguin.

Talk, talk.

Thank you for calling the Canterbury Inn at Parsons Canterbury.

It's a talk show.

If you know your party's extension, please dial it now or dial zero for the first available operator.

Dial zero.

It sounds like Tuck, this guy.

You hear him?

It sounds like his name.

Please hold while we transfer, your call

He does sound like, he sounds like Jonathan

You heard him?

Yeah he does

Hey Carlito

Hi Carlito

How you doing?

How's it going?

I'm doing good

I'm going down to Orlando, ok?

Hey how you doing Carlito?

Hello?

Hey Carlito, how you doing?

Who's this?

This is Jonathan, is this Canterbury?

Yeah

Hey I need to speak to Carlito

And this is David, Jonathan's brother. How you doing? Where's Carlito? We love him. We just want to say nothing's going on. It was fun.

So would you like to call my black girlfriend?

Yes, tell her the number.

Oh, God, yes.

You got to send it to Madhouse Radio.

Hand me your stupid phone.

And I'll call it.

Please hold while we transfer your call.

What's her name? Black goodness?

It's called G.

G-E-E?

Yeah, I don't know.

She's full of glee.

No L, though.

Everybody in?

Yeah, hi.

I was trying to make an order there, but I had a mongoloid kid that took the phone from me

and was making noises in it, you know?

I was calling about a problem we were having there.

Something related to the parking lot.

I don't know.

I don't really know anymore.

I'm so upset.

You understand?

What do you mean?

I'm just really upset at you people right now because of the treatment that you're doing to me.

What kind of treatment?

What do you mean?

This man, this African-American man was over there looking at me, grunting noises, he was breathing funny, he looked at my wife.

Outside in the parking lot. I don't feel comfortable with this.

I'm not in a room anymore, I'm not coming down there anymore, I want you to cancel my reservations.

This is Cross. Who's the man that's outside, like, giving out pamphlets and talking funny? He's wearing a white shirt, you know what I'm talking about?

Well, go outside now. Does he have a Corliss phone? Is this what we're talking on? Is this a Corliss?

Alright, go out there right now. I'm going to tell you where I am.

Alright.

Because I'm scared. I don't want to come back in.

I want you to call security and everything because this man is out there and he's making funny noises and looking at my wife.

My wife is scared.

Okay, which room are you in?

I'm on the bottom floor, a little bit across from you right now.

You're in 136?

Yep. Uh-huh. I think, yeah, I think it's 136.

Okay, and who are you talking about?

Well, there's a man that's outside. I locked myself in, but he's a black man that's out there.

Okay, let me come in and see.

Alright. I got him on mute. He can't hear me.

This is interesting, huh?

What do we do, Artie?

He's looking for a black man outside.

What do we do?

Well, hello there.

Do you see him yet?

That's Sean.

He left?

Hello?

The black guy is still there?

I think so.

I'm coming over.

Maybe he went to the toilet.

Maybe he went to the toilet or something.

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're here.

Yeah, I don't see anybody.

I don't know what to tell you then.

Find that.

Work on that, sir.

I'm going to call you back, all right?

I don't know what else to tell you, all right?

You obviously don't know what's going on here.

You're different and you're foreign.

I don't know what to do.

What can I say to insult you?

what do i say what do you want from me sister sister how many sisters do you have yeah think

about how stupid you are right now for walking around like that like a stupid person like monkey

huh you like monkey like stupid like my monkey he hung up he was way far away from the base

you heard he was starting to cut out what are you talking about you're scared uh all right

give me g's number i lost it your phone locked over there big g so what happened she's the one

to give you head on a cruise ship did she have all her teeth too cold she's from atlanta or

something it's been in prison for five years her boyfriend's print and she's from detroit

wow man detroit of all the towns to be from that's the real thing the saddest of the big

cities in florida and florida in the united states all right what's her number let's give

this out everyone uh six no i'm kidding um you want to call her from your phone so she knows

it's you no no no no and you drunk dialed her that's the only time you've called her since

Yeah, and I asked her how she liked what I did to her black ass.

Drunk dial time, drunk dial time.

This is all you, though, Carlito.

I like you saved her number here with the star six seven at the beginning.

Exactly.

Nice.

I don't want her calling me.

All the side tricks that he hit up on the other day.

There you go.

So you called her.

I'm sorry, Artie, you drunk dialed her and you said what now?

That I loved her black ass and it looked good in the distance.

Wow.

And you don't know what she said back?

You don't remember?

I was drunk, it was loud in the room.

You like her black ass in the distance

Justin sent a number in

I said something like that

Justin sent in a number, he wants us to call

What did you say?

Ask her, ask her

Hello

Hello, hi, is this Big G?

Is this Big G?

Yeah, who's this?

Hey, what's up big girl?

I got your number from a friend

He wanted me to advise you about, you know, possible services that we could use you for

That you have broke

They said that you broke some chairs the other day

Some chairs, where?

You sat down in his public chair and you broke it?

Not me.

No, you left, like, a smell in the chair and then it broke.

It broke, like, a week later.

Not me.

No?

Justin and Justin said he sent in some numbers.

Yeah, you heard about that, Big G?

Who?

You heard about Justin?

Who's Justin?

He sent in some numbers.

He sent in your number.

Justin did.

Justin?

I don't know Justin.

Milkman's online.

He's going to talk to you.

Milkman, go ahead.

10-4, Justin and Brandon sent in some numbers.

You understand, G?

Who's Justin and Brandon?

What are you doing tonight?

I can't hear you.

What are you doing tonight, baby?

Can't hear you.

Hello?

I said, where are your hot girls?

What's your hot girls up to tonight?

That's a nice shake in that bake there, honey.

You have the gigantic tits I've ever seen, too.

My goodness.

Make my eyes water every time I look at you.

She hung up.

I'm calling her back, though.

You just started talking about numbers.

I put you on.

Yeah, I did, yeah.

Let's do it again.

She's got 42 Gs, all right?

Remember that.

Wow, that's big.

Holy shit.

You didn't titty fuck her?

You titty fucked her?

there she's gone she hung right up that's funny she makes your eyes water milkman what the

fuck's that about yeah because i'm crying give her a little smell like uh sour fucking onions

uh where's your phone i don't have your phone stupid yeah dumb shit hang on let's get some

music going here give her a second let's call nunu's number here or justin's number that milkman

is so freaked out about just where's justin here you're making my eyes water you make my eyes water

when you take off your shoes baby i was on the cruise she noticed i had air force ones you

actually wore those shit air force ones oh yeah look already stepping in his air force ones and

then and then like my brother says the only two things that he heard were i like your boots oh

Ew, really?

Yeah, and then he hears, you're heavy.

And he's like, fuck, I gotta go back to bed.

Wow.

So wait a minute, she said you're heavy?

Yeah.

I literally walked around this place every time I was holding a fucking beer.

The whole cruise.

Either a Dos Equis or a Corona.

Alright, we're calling New York, New York.

The city that never sleeps.

I don't know if they're sleeping yet, but we'll find out.

I got chains, I got gold, I got money.

I got car, I got peach cobbler.

wait a minute i got bad credit that's my dad's words you have reached 751

oh that guy sounds effeminate uh all right let's hey here's the guy last name bernstein

you know what that means probably related to dr lego in new york it's probably the attorney or

something asshole lawyer attorney you like to burn it up look man you know any jews

bernstein's goldbergs anything like that well there's this one named lego that used to do a

show i'm on i think he still does it sometimes i could care less yeah i got something to show you

i'm not carlito tonight i'm the great big baby jew king of the jews tonight that's me

that pranker that was good that prank girl right three two one oh hang on that real quick before

talking to the mic real quick what was it like titty the 42 jews though i don't really

remember much no wow that sucks man well at least you got to say you did that right let me yeah hang

Alright, so these New York numbers aren't answering.

Oh, hey, we can try the kebab house again, right?

Remember?

The angry?

The angry kebab.

No, this is the one that the lady didn't want to talk to me.

I must talk to them.

Yeah, but your phone sucks right now, doesn't it?

Let me use your mic.

Your phone has AIDS.

You're not going to come and use my mic.

This is the king of pranks right here.

You can't use my mic.

People are calling me better.

People on Syndicate are calling me better than Zolar.

What?

Yeah, and I feel shitty.

Wow.

Better than Zolar.

Mostly the people from my old network.

Do you have a show on Syndicate?

I used to.

Do you have a show?

I used to.

You used to?

Then you were on the The Network.

Wasn't it called The Network?

Then I was on my own for a little and came back.

I couldn't find...

Alright, what's The Network?

I go on Google, put in The Network, and 50 fucking different places would come up.

Alright, that's fucking brilliant.

It was new.

It was retarded.

If you try to find The Network online, you're going to find, like, thousands of networks.

I'm calling you so you can do your call.

I'm calling you, you horse.

Hello?

What's up?

Alright, folks.

Evil Art is going to try to call that kebab place.

I hope they're not closed by now.

Now, are they on the West Coast? Yes, they are, so they should be open still.

What?

I will be quiet so I can turn that shit off. Hang on.

Hang on, folks. Another prank call. I've got to play a song.

This one's called Going to California.

I'm going to take a break after this and try to read it.

I'm not doing a prank?

Yes, you're doing a prank.

And you are?

Hello?

Serious business.

Serious business for prank calling.

An answer.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message.

I ain't taking that. Don't hang up yet.

Did you hang up?

No.

Good, don't hang up.

Oh, I got couch-locked.

Alright, don't talk on your phone, though. Talk on your mic for now.

I have couch-locked.

Oh, dude. You suck.

Couch-lock? Is that the new term now? It's been all over the world lately.

Keep hearing that. Tuck, you ever get couch-locked? You know what that is?

No, never really.

Apparently that's when you get so high that you can't leave the couch.

Of course, no.

Alright. We got Christine in New York. Let's see.

A woman answered saying, praise the Lord at 11.30. Okay.

Sounds good.

Can I talk to her?

Alright, I'll put you on with her.

As in, that's like a ritual?

What's your name?

The dad's asking me, how does someone like Christine O'Donnell pass the primary?

I don't know, she doesn't even know the constitution, apparently, from what I heard today.

Who's Christine O'Donnell?

Some white bitch.

Some Sarah Palin looking lady.

Who's running for Senatress.

Tina Fey?

Yeah, kinda.

Everyone wants to be Sarah Palin now.

Get your cell phone out.

We're calling.

Yeah, I know.

Whip it out.

What are we calling?

We're calling Christine Pussy.

They say shit.

Oh, hey, how you doing?

Hello.

Hey, how's it going?

Everything is okay.

That's good.

You want to come over and have some champagne?

Have some champagne?

Yeah.

No, I don't drink liquor.

Oh, no, champagne's not liquor.

It's like, you can drink it if you're an alcoholic.

No, I don't.

It's got an exception.

Who's it I'm speaking with?

Oh, this is James.

James Patterson, remember me?

Your sister referred me to you.

she met here i met her out on obt would you like to maybe play some just the tip well um i tell you

what you have to call me back tomorrow oh no i want to play just the tip tonight no no no baby

i need you i need you i'm jacking off right now please call me back tomorrow oh i'm jacking off

oh oh yeah oh yeah you there she's gone she's gone she wants you to jack off with her but tomorrow

I already masturbated.

Call me tomorrow.

Did she masturbate?

She already did.

That's why.

Is that what she said?

No.

She didn't say that.

Yeah, she did, Arnie.

You're right.

That's exactly what she said.

I already masturbated.

Call me tomorrow.

She sounded like, uh, over there where Milkman used to be from.

Hey, Milkman, you know who she sounded like?

Remember that old lady, that old black lady who used to call on the islands all the time,

back when we first started the show?

That was her name.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Miss Mary.

Miss Mary, yeah.

Mary's name.

something yeah no way no way today all right just talking to the mic but this song isn't doing

anything for me we're gonna have to take a break this time to take a break when we come back we

got more numbers to do though already hang up the phone hang up the phone already hang up the

fucking phone let's keep bashing it i hung it up for you all right everybody when we come back

there'll be more manhouse radio madness oh boy we got more numbers in uh manhattan the last one

than we just did here, including a lady named Clementine, Bonnie, Alicia.

I'm just playing with Clementine.

Make love, not war.

We had a Kazi Inn here somewhere in Oregon.

Wow.

Numbers are coming in from Justin.

The dad maybe will be joining us as well.

All your requests are more than welcome here.

If you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger, send them to Madhouse Radio.

MSN Messenger users, madhouseatlive.com, or just visit our website, madhouselive.com.

of course we're also on cacti radio cacti radio network cacti radio.com phone losers at org is

that site there rbcp wasn't able to do a show last night unfortunately why not uh he was having

audio trouble he couldn't connect to the stream yeah yeah we tried for a while but it wasn't

working out but hey what can you do you were having trouble sunday and i was on and i was

trying to get a hug oh my god look here's your buddy there's your buddy he just showed up in

in the chat room.

Major Chaos is here.

All right, everybody.

Good.

Prank Master's here.

Is that really me?

Is that your kids?

Artie, you weren't around

from when he was here,

but you know about

the whole story, right?

From listening to the podcast?

I just hear that

he's a fucking...

Pet file.

Yeah.

Like, you know,

like Michael Jackson.

Yeah, like that.

Are they brothers?

They might be.

Wait.

We now know

how Michael Jackson died.

Prank Master

ate his brother.

All right, everybody.

We'll be right back

Back in about 15 or so.

Thank you.

15?

No, no, no.

Why don't I talk?

We'll be back in about five minutes.

Jesus Christ, 15 minutes.

Major Chaos, call in in five minutes.

Yeah, call in, Major Chaos.

Yeah, call you in.

When you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trapdoor at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Dude.

I put a big kiss.

Fuck you, bitch.

I love you.

No.

When Zola was here, the guy said that.

And that's a coincidence.

But no, that was not when Zola was here.

Hello, everybody.

Madhouse Radio is back.

I am Carlito.

I am in charge of things here.

I am under patrol.

Fearless leader.

That's what Milkman would say.

Milkman's here.

How you doing, Big Milkman?

Old girl, how you doing there?

Big Titty Milkman.

42 Gs.

Why do you think they call him the Milkman, everybody?

Oh, hang on.

You guys were down.

Try again.

Hello, hello, Milkman.

Hello.

Hey.

We got a buddy back.

Prankmaster's back in the house.

Good to see him again.

How you doing, Big Pranky?

Prankmaster.

Donated.

Woo!

He sent a YouTube video.

Did you see it?

I haven't seen it, no.

I saw that he sent one.

He donated $60 here to Madhouse Radio last night.

I want to thank him very much.

He did, really.

All right!

The Prank Master!

Thank you, Prank Master.

He really did.

No, Prank Master, he's all right, man.

I don't want to say anything bad about him.

He's helping out Madhouse Radio a lot right now.

Wow.

Speaking about stuff like that, we're going to talk to Zolar.

Remember, we mentioned last week, we tried to call him.

Zolar was involved with a man who got naked and masturbated in front of President Obama.

i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't catch the masturbated part no he masturbated

he had to say uh prankcast.com prankcast.com 10 times i don't think he could do that he was

dr lego's brother zola is going to be in the line right here i'm connecting him right now

i'm zola so on a chat room on a scale of one to ten how was my dancing

you're dancing i don't know people say you're dancing i was dancing

You make me feel like dancing, I smell

Dancing machine

Dancing Queen, isn't there a song called Dancing Queen?

Yeah

Why am I not on cam?

I don't know

Oh because you're not on the camera

Hello

Hey Zolar, what's going on big Zolar?

I'm Zolar

The Galito

What's up man?

That was my best fucking impression of fucking Reclude

Reclude?

That Reclude man, he's all over the place now

He's in LA or something

Yeah, The Man is a Mover and a Shaker.

Oh, well, yeah, the Battlecam fucking dot-com fucking joint.

I heard about it.

I don't know if Nunu told me about it.

Somebody said, oh, you would like this, go over there.

And at first, I kind of rejected it.

I trolled around and looked from the outside.

side and it was really you know i didn't really get the concept but once i realized what it was

about and shit i kind of like dipped my feet in the water and started getting into it and then

before you know it i was kind of like whoa every day going in there and fucking battling around

and stuff and then that billionaire who owns the site came on the air and um i started conversing

with him and uh i you know he was doing prank phone calls you know right right right oh he was

was doing pranks with you that guy he was doing him on his own you know what i mean so fucking um

you know he has his own he has his own little style about it and everything like that so i

called him up and i said hey you know would you like some celebrity numbers and i gave him a

choice of some of my you know black book numbers right and uh you know he started recognizing me

for that you know i call him up and give him a number every other day or whatever and so you

know it like you know he kind of liked me and so i said to him i said hey you know in the chat

can you make me a moderator or an admin or whatever the fuck it is you know right right

so he was glad to he was like oh yeah sure zola is a celebrity we'll make him a mod okay so he

knows you're from the stern show and all that i thought he made you i love you zola right all

right so anyway so as i was being a mod in the room uh you know somebody thought that it would

be best to speak to a mod about doing the challenge so anonymously some guy you know

with the name King Zant, private messages me and asked me if I could facilitate him getting in touch with Alki.

So I did.

That's the guy's name, Alki, who owns the site.

Alki, all right, got it.

Yeah, so anyway, I fucking give the guy a call, and he gets on the phone with me,

and I'm like, would you like me to put a three-way call, or do you want me to give this guy your number?

So Alki says, no, you go ahead and mediate there.

Give us a three-way call.

And I get them together, and they talk about it.

And Malky says, sure, if you can do this stunt, you know, say Battlecam six times with an earshot and eye sight of the president, you could win a million dollars.

So the guy was like, all right.

Just to make sure, because some of our listeners may not know, basically the Battlecam.com, the guy, he's been in a few movies.

He's done some stuff out there.

He's got a lot of money, billionaire guy, runs that site or is a founder, et cetera.

He basically said anybody who can get with an earshot of President Obama,

earshot and eyeshot and yell out Battlecam.com ten times, right?

Six.

Six times.

Was the streaking thing part of it, or did that come up by you guys on the fly?

No, and the initial thing was that it would be streaking the president doing those things.

Okay, got it.

I should try.

Yeah, well, no, it's over.

It's done.

All right, go ahead.

Yeah, Zola, continue.

Yeah, I want to hear how this happened.

I want to hear how this played out.

Yeah, so anyway, the guy thanked me and said that he would pay me like $3,000 for hooking him up with Alki when he gets the million.

So I was like, oh, sure, no problem.

That's great.

I was fucking happy for that.

But then he called me back a couple of days later, and he's like, hey, dude, man, I offered up a whole bunch of money for somebody to film it and go there with me, and nobody will do it.

Can you find somebody that might be willing to do it, and I'll pay them?

So I was like, oh, let me look around.

So I called my friends up, you know, and I asked a couple of them.

And then I thought of Joey Boots from the Howard Stern show.

He walks around Manhattan with his HD cam and he fucking films like, you know, all kinds of freaky shit.

So I figured he'd be up for it.

Sure, why not? Joey Boots.

Yeah, so fucking, I called him and he agreed upon like, let's say, $15,000 to do the filming, you know.

So then the guy who was doing the streaking said, hey, you know, for hooking me up with Joey,

i'll give you fucking let's say fucking five thousand instead of three okay so they all went

to so they all went to uh outside of washington first time they went to try it and the guy punked

out it was in maryland and uh they were inside the crowd and then the guy just didn't feel

comfortable enough to do it or whatever it was he punked out all right so after he punked out

everybody on the site was like fucking oh you're a bullshit artist blah blah blah putting them down

so he called me up and said well the president's going to be in motherfucking philadelphia

to you he says and this time i'm definitely gonna do it can you get in touch with joey again

so then joey worked out a bigger price with him for like say twenty thousand dollars oh my god

so the guy was like yeah if i get a million i'll definitely give you the twenty thousand dollars

and then the guy was nice enough to say to me and if fucking this happens for all your troubles

zolar and punking out the first time and all the time you spent putting this together and keeping

for me in part i'll give you 17 right okay bro fucking totally i'm in okay so anyway they went

to philadelphia and they did the day he fucking took off his clothes joey filmed it the guy yelled

battle cam six times was running around in the crowd and he thought that uh you know he was within

year's sight uh an eye shop or whatever it is uh fucking the president and the billionaire said uh

you know that he didn't think he was and as a matter of fact he thinks that joey uh kind of

of zoomed in to make it look like they were closer

and scanned him.

Oh, come on.

All right, so were you there watching it?

Like, tell us, do you know how the scene was?

Like, how close were they really?

So he had to do this two or three times.

Yeah, that's the whole thing.

I never went anywhere.

I never left my house.

I just kind of orchestrated it all.

I was just hoping.

So they got you, like, they did with KDK

going to Sirius again, then, basically, it seems, right?

Yeah, exactly.

I was, like, the backdoor man and shit.

Because, like, I made the post, and a couple other fucking news organizations did call me and quoted me and stuff like that.

But that's not necessarily what I was looking for.

I was looking for the money.

Right, exactly.

Yeah.

You're the finder.

Fuck that.

You're like a bounty.

You want your bounty.

Damn it.

Yeah, right.

I fucking produced the whole segment.

Right, exactly.

Yeah.

Anyway, but the point is, so the billionaire guy was feeling bad that the kid got arrested and fucking all that.

So he put a bail for the guy or whatever it was.

and got him a lawyer, and then the guy was crying about, like,

fucking, well, you know, did I win or lose?

And the guy, the billionaire, was still trying to decide

whether it was a win or a lose.

He was going to try to find out from sources

and if they were close enough or whatever.

And in the interim, he paid the streaker's fucking rent

for, like, fucking six months, which is $1,500 a month.

Wow.

And then he finally, the billionaire, came to the decision

that they didn't deem it was, you know, done, the contest correctly,

but opted out to pay everybody involved including myself and gave the kid who

streaked a hundred thousand dollars cash Wow cash like not a check or you said

which is no yeah wired it right to his account Wow that's so he lives in is this

is a game brain or does just have a British accent I don't understand what

what's the guy who's the billionaire is Greek actually his name is Alki a okay I

and last name is David.

He is the 14th richest man

in England.

Oh, shit, okay.

And he spends his time

getting people to do

his biddings like this?

What it is is

he liked to do

like get on camera

in his Beverly Hills mansion

with his new girlfriend

after the divorce

and, you know,

deal with everybody.

But on Justin.tv...

Who doesn't?

Yeah, who doesn't?

Who wouldn't want that?

Yeah, exactly.

but they kept

kicking him off

for breaking terms

of services

and stupid shit

like that

so he liked

to blog so much

through the webcast

that he opened up

his own site

and called it

Battlecam

and basically

the concept is

like the gong show

like you get up

on cam

and the people

in the audience

can give you

a thumbs up

or a thumbs down

and depending on

how long you stay on

is points you gain

and then they're

applicable towards

prizes like

flat screen TVs

and things like that

yeah

it's battlecam.com

it's really

really it's like taking it to another level and i really like the competitiveness of it i tried to

go on there once and it just uh they didn't take too well of the show and i was like ah forget it

and i never i never bothered to go back to it um yeah well you know you gotta establish yourself

first by you know kind of like getting pooped on and letting everybody troll you it's like a

breeding ground for master trolls right yeah i definitely noticed that i was like uh it's just

this is like too much effort to get into this crowd but they're all like they sent me numbers

to the FBI

I don't know if

Tucker remembers

we were doing a show

and they sent me

a number to the FBI

in Miami

and I was like

fuck you people

and I like

disconnected it forever

that was it

I was done

yeah yeah

they think they're

funny like that

that's cool

that's all good

so anyway

fucking

I was lucky enough

to fucking

you know

break ground there

nicely and

get a big acceptance

and get into that

whole fucking thing

and get paid

cool

and now everybody's

all jealous of me

over there

and they all hate me

because I got paid

of course yeah

whatever man

just haters man

man. Just let it, you know, it just, it boosts you up. Let it blow you up, man. Like J. Cole

says, my friend. It's all good. Yeah, that's all good to me, man. So that's the whole deal

and nothing but the deal. So help me God. All right. Mabel Zollard, man. Thanks for

checking. I know you said you had to get going, but thanks for checking in. Unless you want

to do a prank. I know you're about to, if you, if you got some time, if not, then. Yeah,

no, I gotta, I gotta hit the hay and fucking crap like that. But I wanted to say hello

to fucking Evil Artie. Hey, Evil, what's up, buddy? All right. Yeah, he's, yeah, he

He can hear you.

No, he can hear you in the background somewhere.

I don't know.

What up?

I wanted to mention, Zolar, you got the YouTube channel going on.

Is it right?

Is that what you got going on now?

Does everyone be sure to subscribe to that?

Yeah, well, you can look up Zolar Vision Pranks,

but they deleted my original account that had all of those fucking millions and millions of views.

I was looking at this YouTube with you and Prankmaster in the gym.

Ooh, in the gym?

Yes.

No, seriously.

Have you clicked on this yet?

Not yet.

I haven't played it yet.

We're going to do that next, Zolar.

All right, cool.

All right, Zolar, you trying to get him in shape?

Trying to get him some of that pee?

Yeah, what's the story behind that?

Yeah, no, I had him down to my house, and he was going to fix my computer and all that

crap, and my computer was on hard drive, so I needed somebody to work on it.

I was desperate, so I let him come hang out.

How just were you?

You have all this money, and you let Pregmasher come and fix your computer.

How desperate did you have to be?

That's right, yeah.

Step out of your computer, take it to the...

You can afford the Geek Squad, Zolar.

Take it to the Mac Store!

You can go to the Mac Store and get a new fucking Power Mac.

Zolar, that's like asking me to fix your refrigerator.

You don't get to have all these beautiful things by just throwing money out the window.

You have to scrimp and save somewhere.

Oh, hey, breaking news, Zolar, before you go,

Yo, Evil already says that's like you asking him to go to your house and fix his fridge, apparently.

I think that's a good answer.

That's pretty good.

Oh, my God.

I'm learning my lesson.

All right, well, Zola, man, thanks for checking in.

Don't be a stranger.

We love your pranks, and keep us in the loop, man.

Good luck with everything.

Hope everything works out for you.

Big guy.

You're the man, buddy.

Big, tough guy.

Zola.

All right, everybody.

That's that.

There we go.

Zola, our story.

Stick it to it.

As I said.

Glenn Zolarski, everybody.

So, let me see this video.

Look at...

Hey, Artie's got the prank hat on.

And, um, maybe he'll do good pranks now.

He says...

I got that picture in the video.

It's a still picture.

The only picture I have of Zolar is him ripping Hyperjerk's underwear.

And that's a picture of him showing him after that.

Dude, that's an old picture there, man.

Yeah, we did...

Yeah, and I haven't uploaded that yet.

There's a picture of me, Artie, and Zolar all together here in the studio.

I got one with me, just me and Zolar.

He looks like a greaser from the 60s, Zolar.

Artie, go back to your spot, man.

Artie's over 12 years old.

Prankmaster, I don't think you would be interested.

Oh, yeah.

I am 16 mentally.

Now he's a donator of the show.

We have to be nice to him.

Yeah, that's true.

Is there a slight resemblance there between the two of them, or did I just imagine that?

All right, we got Clementine.

We got a call. We got numbers to call here right now. We're having nice conversations with people like Zola

But this is a prank show that the pranks pay the bills here. It's a prank show

I thought I read back with another prank call to New York

Katie care

You tell me that you're an idiot and an asshole and that I make up my mind and mind.

I don't like you.

I think you're an asshole.

You've proven yourself time and time again to be a hater.

Every time you get mad at Zolar and Lego, you attack me.

You doss my site.

You bring my site down for two hours.

It took you fucking five hours to take my site down for two.

Like, it's really worth your fucking effort.

Like a fucking retard.

I don't know shit about you, except that you're a fucking deaf mongoloid who molests children.

I said you know me, and you're stupid.

Watching old shows and a stupid.

I know nothing about you, except that you're a molester.

Maybe you know him.

I'm dead after having you.

So what was the point of your call tonight?

Sure.

So what was the point of your call tonight?

You haven't hung up yet.

That means you still want to talk.

You didn't ruin anything.

Yes, you did.

Did I ruin your life?

Killing everybody.

Fuck Mumbai.

Bitch, if you're going to pick a fight with me, fight better.

For years, people have been attacking me for years.

I know how to fight back better than you used to pick out

But I'm fucking

Listen, listen, like I've been saying all night tonight

When you're pissed off at somebody else who's on PCU

You don't take it out on me

Or I take it personal and I take it back out on you

Except that I'm better at it and I have more people on my side

Listen, if she doesn't want to accept, uh, free speech

Then that's her chance

She accepts

No, absolutely not

I mean, I don't mean

So, yeah, I'm somebody

Listen, don't even try to make it seem like

because Ellie hates you because you're a child sex offender.

Hate?

Well, maybe she doesn't have the nerve to say it to your face,

but you're somebody who molested a child.

All valid points.

Thank you.

Shut up, Artie.

You're not doing shit.

You're going to sit there and be a shit.

Just a shit and pee pee.

Shit and pee pee.

Hello?

Shut up!

Clementine.

Hello?

Hello, sir.

Of course you're hungry.

You had a pizza already.

What the fuck do you want from me?

I'm hungry for some meat.

Hello?

Clementine.

Yes?

Hi, are you awake?

Who's speaking?

This is Cross. Did I wake you up?

This is Clementine's daughter.

Yeah, well, I mean, are you awake? Did I wake you up? I'm sorry if I woke you up.

And who are you?

This is Cross. I'm a friend of Clementine, and I'm hungry.

All right. So what's your story?

I want some eggs.

Well, it won't be happening tonight.

Oh, yeah, well, this is going to be an egg night tonight.

Me and you are going to make eggs together. Right now.

I'm hungry for my eggs.

Hello, Clementine's daughter.

Chicken eggs. She's gone.

it doesn't reach you look it's gone back to your spot

he keeps tapping me on the back i want to talk i want to talk i can't do it doesn't work speaking

of never i keep turning you down because you're making up too rich noise this is why you're not

coming back it doesn't work out it didn't work out i tried it didn't work out well it dropped

off yeah i guess it didn't work out just being honest with you already because it's called

let's call a spade a spade let's be friends sorry she says be friends talking to mike

Mike Artie, you see?

You're not a professional radio person.

Well, I am when I'm not, well...

Yeah, when you don't talk in a mic.

Be professional. This is a prank call radio show.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Be professional like the dead.

Exactly. He's very professional.

Hello, Clementine.

They're just not answering.

It is funny always. That's a professional line.

The dead. We should call the dead.

Send me his number again if you have it.

Oh, God. Where is it?

Milkman, you remember the dead's also a fan of farting

in uh in chairs and smelling it i do that all the time you do it naked after you got a shower

um yeah but only when i stay over here i had jesus cried what happened to prank master do you leave

would you like to have jerk off radio call i mean hello hello yes is this the kings who's calling

um i'm hungry so i was giving you a call this is cross who this is big cross how you doing this is

is albert or is albert there's albert's wife it's not here where is he he's in heaven he's calling

this is cross i'm with the pool what pool the pool downstairs i'm looking for albert

the pool downstairs uh-huh yeah i clean the pools downstairs and the downstairs people

people that live downstairs i think they're pools understand you know how people have pools

downstairs sometimes where is this this is in new york this is the city that never slipped did i

Did I wake you up?

Yeah, New York where?

Well, you're in New York, right?

New York, New York?

Yeah, but where?

You know, down in the boroughs.

The four boroughs, the five boroughs.

Yeah, I think you got the wrong king.

No, Albert King, no.

You're on First Avenue.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's the ones.

What, did I wake you up or something?

Yes, you did.

Oh, but this is the city that doesn't sweep, right?

Well, I sweep.

No, you wake up and I need you to make me some eggs.

Well, I don't know who you're talking to.

Do you have eggs there?

No.

What do you have there to eat?

I don't have anything.

You don't eat at all?

No, I don't.

How do you get food energy, then?

Do you suck on mammary glands of women?

Excuse me, but you're going to have to try another king.

You're not talking to the right king, okay?

Do you drink breast milk still?

Good night.

You ever see that movie Caterpillar?

No, no, no, no.

Oh, man, this guy sewed his ass to a woman's mouth, and he was shit the fuck out.

Call tomorrow and speak to King, okay?

No, but did you ever shit in someone's mouth so they could eat it?

No, no.

Well, does King know about that, then?

That's my question.

That's the only question I have.

Why can't they just answer my fucking question already?

I don't get it.

What are you saying?

Playing WoW, what's that mean?

Yeah, you should ask her if she's playing WoW.

That's why she's up.

That's retarded.

I played that for a month, and it was the stupidest shit and the biggest waste of money ever.

No one wanted to be my friend on WoW.

They're all assholes there.

I was like, fuck you, little kids.

You fucking noob.

Yeah, that's all it was.

You noob, you suck, you're new.

And I'm like, all right, well, everyone was noob before, right?

And they would never talk about that part.

They were all noobs at some point.

All right, that was Albert King or something like that.

An old senile pensioner milkman.

I wish we could find that number again for that lady.

I sent you this number.

We've called her like two or three times around the years,

and she always recognizes us when we've called her.

All right, Tuck, I'll get that.

Oh, yeah.

Remember when she asked you about putting back the Bibles

and giving you a recipe for that turkey?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

It's about that time of year again.

I'll try and find it again.

In the Yucca, remember?

Yeah.

You're going to send me the recipe for that,

then you go ahead and forward it to me.

Tuck, we're just in the number two.

I can't find it.

You send it on Google?

In the Skype chat there.

Send it on Google.

Oh, in the Skype chat?

Yeah, send it on Google, because I didn't get it.

Look at their parents.

What's his name?

All right, we got the dead here.

Is he around?

I don't know.

Let's see.

Let's find out.

All right, everybody.

everybody midnight it's now what day is it thursday now officially thursday in uh the west

east coast rest of the country so wednesday ending into the 21st of october we're calling

the dead as we round out the last hour of show here this is madhouse radio getting close to

doomsday october the 31st milkman will be turning 52 years old why did they call you like um headless

horseman or something why'd they call you milkman i've been the milkman forever dude you like tits

That's right.

You ever get them 42Gs like I already had?

That's right.

Oh, that's good.

I'm out.

Sour milk right there.

We're not home right now.

Or the internet's down.

Or we're on another call.

So leave a message.

Thank you.

That's the best voicemail ever.

Yeah, I love that thing.

We're not home right now.

Or the internet's down.

I got tripped up when I was calling you and that weird message you have on that.

So this guy's a rapper with what's Boombox Collective?

it was like a local group um i think they're local my brother's friend it's not like a bunch

of assholes yeah are they a bunch of wiggers yeah pretty much no one of them i'm gonna fuck

with them i hate these people what's this guy's name steven excuse me his nickname has a lady on

the phone the dad has a lady on the phone yeah he has a lady on the phone the dad to talk to

steven oh yeah this is steven yeah i just want to let you know that i shit and piss in the quran

Hello?

What?

Yeah, I shit and piss in the Quran.

I don't give a crap what you rapper boys think about that.

It doesn't really bother me.

These people said you had beef with me back from going back in the day.

I want you to know I'm starting my own label.

Listen, this is Kross.

I'm with K2 Extra Strength.

You know who he is?

No, man.

Who the fuck is that?

He reps the 407.

K2 Extra Strength.

I don't know who he is.

They said you guys are talking shit about us.

First of all, I ain't a Muslim.

Second of all, you sound like a fucking...

I shit and piss in the Quran.

Yeah, you probably smell like shit and piss, and you probably sleep under a bridge, too.

That's the first song off my album, is what I'm saying.

That sounds cool.

I hope all three of your fans listen to it and something big happens for you guys.

I have 25 fans listening right now.

That's cool, man.

I hope that works out.

Why don't you bust one of those raps for me there, boy?

Why don't you go choke on a dick, bro?

All right, hang on.

Calling people with fucking unknown numbers and shit.

Just a second.

This is not unknown numbers.

Real rap of life.

Real rap of life, guy.

Why would you say something like that?

It's horrible.

Oh, yeah.

All right, this is getting old.

Are you white?

Are you white or black?

Don't kill yourself, man.

Are you white or black, sir?

Just answer that question.

I'll leave you alone, I promise.

I won't call you back.

Well, ask your mom.

I'm pretty sure she'll tell you.

All right, I'll ask her right now.

Hang on, I'm going to call you back.

Hey, I got the dead on the speaker over here.

The dead's in the room.

Talk to him, the dead.

You have reached the print voice mailbox of 40768.

What's the dead doing?

Can he call us?

Hey, hey, can you call Carlito or he can call you?

Call him, I think.

I call him.

Yeah.

Hang up.

Okay, let Carlito call you first.

I'm going to hang up and let him call you.

Is that cool?

I'm going to sleep in that bed, Theo.

In bed, Theo, but until then.

Yeah, until then.

Yo.

Until then, let him call you real fast.

What an asshole.

He doesn't want us to call him.

I hope it goes to hell.

Tell him I hope it goes to hell.

He's calling him, so.

Yeah.

Tell him to pick up.

Hey.

Tell him to click over.

He's clicking over.

Oh, God, you.

What's your problem?

Do you like Christina O'Donnell?

No, I don't like her.

She's a tea party.

She's a racist.

She's a diss.

What happened today?

You know what?

She's a freaking idiot.

She doesn't even know where the First Amendment is.

Well, they asked her, like, it was a debate, right?

And they asked her, hey, we know what amendment is.

I love that they did that.

What amendment is the separation of church and state?

and she's like uh i heard parts of this she say she kind of guessed at it and then

and then she's like well luckily senators don't need to know about the constitution or have it

memorized you know what the republican freaking really owned her on that fact um she was like

you know she threw out the freaking debate she was asking everyone what uh um where in the

the constitution can you find

separation shirts and

you know

shirts and state and she was

like it's not in the

constitution is it

it's not it is in the constitution

it's like one of the core fucking things

yeah

that's actually the fact of the men

and the deers do you know

the deers

you know she's against masturbation

yeah she is against masturbation

she doesn't even know what

But the 16th or 17th Amendment, sir, is like, you know, the 17th is, you know, people can elect senators, and the 16th is the federal income tax, so...

Yeah, well, you know, what's funny, the whole thing is in the Tea Party platform, aren't they about repealing the federal income tax and starting that fair tax bullshit that's like 30% tax every time you spend money?

You know what? She doesn't even, you know, she's standing on, you know, repealing the 17th or 16th and whatever amendments, and she doesn't even fucking know her own amendments.

And it's like, why the fuck are you standing on repealing those amendments if you don't even fucking know what you're appealing, you know?

You should run for senator, man.

You'd do a better job than she could.

But no, the whole thing is, yeah, they asked her, hey, do you stand for repealing the 13th, 14th amendments, which are part of her platform.

And she said, I don't really know what they are at this time.

How would she not know that?

How would they not prepare her for those kind of questions?

I don't get it.

She's also against masturbation and the 69th Amendment.

And rape.

This is 69th Amendment.

Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

The 18th Amendment is monitoring of prisons.

Yeah, federal monitoring of prisons.

Yeah.

And Howard Stern, I heard it on the Stern Show,

and he made a good point that these Tea Partiers are really big about, you know,

staying strict to the Constitution and going back to the core of the Constitution

and taking it literally like it's the Koran and it's Sharia law,

and she doesn't even know the Constitution.

So it's obvious that, you know, they're just getting another pretty face to run for them.

You know what? We have actually, you know, it's pretty knowledgeable for everything, but she comes along and, you know, she acts like a fucking downer for Sarah Palin. It's, like, ridiculous.

list yeah basically yeah so can you imagine that it could have been possible she would have been

our vice president sarah palin or that she might be running for president hey we're talking too

much about politics here today you're tired you said right that would have been that would have

been scary if you know if mccain freaking died in the office and if sarah palin became president

president couldn't you imagine what kind of fucking evolution she would have run in i mean

devolution she would have run in american politics that would have been oh my god yeah

yeah you imagine or even if she was just had that influence uh you know as vice president

or whatever it may be i'm i'm connecting us with uh someone named osborne in manchester

What that would have been freaking scary makes me worried

Yes is the Osbournes

Hello the stupid people are there

Do you support the old

finally they hung up

it took them like what

three minutes to hang up

what's up

you know

she's like

oh we gotta bring a religious

doctrine to public

you know what

there's private schools out there

yeah exactly

there's schools run by churches

take your kids there's plenty of private schools out there

I'm going to a private school

For God's sake

You know

Yeah it's just the Osborne people

What do you want

Are you a devilucinist

Yeah that

We're hungry over here

We want you to make us some damn eggs for breakfast

You devilucinist

Where are you calling from

We're calling from Chicago, Illinois

Do you know what time it is

We're calling from the world

Hungry

We're hungry, we want food, we want chicken

We want the demon, the demon, uh, pancakes.

Yeah, all that stuff.

Alright, let's try to call her back.

I think my mic might work. It wasn't pushed in all the way.

It's not working at all. It wasn't pushed in all the way.

I mean, the Skype one.

Try it.

Hang on, give me a second.

This is going to go to voicemail if I...

I think I'll leave it on message for your mic to be that way.

Ah!

It's because you suck.

Because everything has been waiting for you.

There is nobody to take your call at the moment.

No!

So please, leave your message after the tone.

Maybe.

I'm the Queen Mother!

All right, I hung up the phone there.

Did you get a call request there?

You should have gotten a call request already, no?

I got no such request on the computer machine.

Talking to the fucking mic, you stupid shit.

You know what, I'm going to let you guys go.

I've got to wake up tomorrow morning.

All right, see you later, man.

Thanks for talking.

Bye, Peter.

Testing, testing, one, two, three.

Did you connect?

Yeah, it's connected.

Oh, God.

How's your sound now?

How's your sound?

Is he all right?

Put him back the other way.

I can hear him now.

Shut the fuck up.

Is he too loud?

He's just too clear.

Perfect.

We can understand him now.

We're screwed.

Let's do a prank call.

We got 40 minutes left.

Should we keep doing prank calls?

Let's do some calls.

George Osborne is the Chancellor of the UK

and announced massive cuts in the budget today.

Biggest in history.

So complain about them when calling him up.

It's too late now, Nunu.

you, you stupid ass.

Hang on, let's see if we get more of them.

Jerkoff Radio wants me to call

the sex line. What sex line?

I don't have that number right now.

We can burn some Osborne numbers.

Yeah, get some more Osborne numbers.

We got the F-A-G

Gutteridge. What the hell is

Fagg Gutteridge? They're in England.

You want to call them, Artie? Let's see how bad you do here.

What the fuck is a gutteridge?

I don't know. If you're a real man, you could do it.

Like KDK, he could do it. He could pull it off.

I'll do it.

I need some gutters

Clean my gutters

My sugar gutters

You motherfuckers

You fucked up my gutters

Open up your god damn ears

Come over here

I'm gonna whoop your fucking ass

Oh that worked

That's over already

What do you think already failed in that

i was trying to go the dino route i think you're still connected why is there an echo echo echo

she's not there she's not on that list oh i see why where are you here i'm gonna meet you i don't

think i can select you've got a new mic setting now going on hey i hit your mute you see that

um on skype mute your mic so we don't hear a double i'll be unless when you do a prank then

i'll turn you down over here well how am i supposed to do there's a new thing right there

next to the time

you see it

there

yeah hit it

time

is fleeting

in the gloom

now talk

now we only hear

one of you good

but when you do a prank

you gotta unmute yourself

and I'll unmute you here

so it doesn't sound like shit

alright moving on

pranks

that was gutteridge

that went nowhere

let me call and do a report

about this kid

who called the gutteridge

in a nasty comment

see if we can identify him

he has an alibi

what's up with Dino anyway

what's his deal

put this on your status

if you know or love someone

who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Sex and free.

I gotta talk about this pansexual shit.

And why do I keep seeing news reports

about fucking, uh,

Don't Ask, Don't Tell getting repealed?

Is it getting repealed or getting put back in?

I don't understand it. What is the deal?

It's not the gay thing.

Oh, Milkman, what happened to Milkman?

Welcome to BT Answer 1571.

The person you're calling is not a...

Milkman back on the line here.

So is it that they're repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

Milkman, what's going on with Don't Ask, Don't Tell

that was all over the news today.

Is it getting repealed?

What's the deal with that?

Oh.

Okay.

Answer, Milkman.

Thank you.

You could have just said

that you didn't know.

That would have worked also.

What the hell?

I'm asking you.

Hello, Milkman.

Is Milkman choking to death?

Choking to death.

He's choking to death.

Hello?

Hey, who can hear you?

Who can hear you now?

Milkman.

He doesn't hear us.

Hello?

He doesn't hear us.

Hello, Milkman.

I'll call him back.

Okay.

I'll call him back here.

He was getting digital bad noise, he said.

Oh, okay.

Evil.

That would be a good thing.

It's your computer expert

Has all the technical problems

together.

Is Tuck still there?

Yes.

Are you hearing me now, Milkman?

I'm still here.

How are you?

Look at the digital act.

Yeah, probably just a bad connection, a bad cell, something like that.

Sorry, buddy.

Okay, sounds good now.

All right, good.

I'm glad it sounds good.

let's uh remove i'm gonna remove well actually i'm gonna save the dead's phone number he's the

708 area code right uh tuck yes yes yes you got the dead's phone number you talked to the dead

you think so he calls everybody you should call him now he calls everybody yeah i think he does

some bitches they don't have to be called bitches i'll have to be called ladies

just broads as reckless would say all right we got more numbers in england we got brewsters

and chapmans over here to call uh we got about a half hour left so if you want to join us uh

do so in the chat room madhouse live.com forward slash chat you gotta call talking to the mic still

sir would you like to call the cunt who fucked me over how does she fuck you over um she fucked

with played with my heart and i haven't you're too young you still haven't you know i've been

fucked over by women so many times well so what happened she met you at the mall and then she

didn't she blocked you off facebook she blocked me off of facebook halfway through the ride home

wow wow wow man and she said like everything was going good and all that she says we'll hang

out another time i had a good time and nothing yeah by the time you got home your block completely

couldn't see anything i used the spoof app to get some i have three minutes on it right and she

answered when i did it in an area code that she has it's like a seven something okay and she

answered and i'm like hey what's up and she immediately hung up wow what a cunt how did

she look was she like was she hot oh she was a little chubby yeah was she puerto rican she had

38DD

Was she white

Or where was she

She was white

From um

Massachusetts

You must have said

What did you do

Where did you take her

Did you get coffee

Ice cream

We just hung out

In the mall

Yeah

Did you go to

Where did you go

Burdine's

Sears

Get on them

42Ds

You should have

Taken her to

Bed Bath & Beyond

And bought her

Something man

I know I should have

Or um

The jewelry store

I mean I just can't

Get the fucking line

Take her to

Fredericksville Hollywood

Pearson Pagoda

That would have done

You should have

Bought her something

And some earrings

At Pearson Pagoda

I prank called

I called one of them once.

I asked if they did cock piercings, if they could do it all out in the open.

Oh, they don't do that there.

But she stayed on.

Oh, really?

She stayed on for the cock piercing?

I think she liked me.

Yeah, that's cool.

I asked her if she wanted to suck my dick a little.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Nice.

I think we're out of Skype credit.

No, we still got good enough.

We're almost out of Skype credit for the night.

Why don't you just get unlimited?

No, UK calls.

Oh, okay.

We got unlimited world.

They got unlimited world now?

For, I think, 12 a month.

That's not too bad.

How much is the national one that I'm paying for?

Nine?

You pay, I think it's three a month.

Is it really?

Yeah.

That's kind of expensive.

Eh, you think about it.

Twelve a month.

Compared to the local, I don't know.

If they did just English-speaking countries, it'd be fun.

Hey, we were supposed to call Jamaica the other day.

Remember?

We were talking about Jamaica.

We had an idea.

Anyway.

Calling the UK, I'm trying to.

If it takes a week.

Let's call Corey.

Security?

Yeah.

It was a query of security.

Someone, I think Baz taught me that in the forums.

Who the fuck is Baz?

Big Baby Baz.

He's a white guy.

Everyone's big.

Big Pig.

Big Piggy Bass.

Hello?

Hey, how you doing there, big girl?

Hello?

Yes, you are.

It's half past five in the morning.

Yeah, I know.

This is your half past five wake up call.

Did you wake up on time?

I'm sorry if I woke you up, but that was the whole point of this phone call was to wake

you up.

Why?

Well, so?

You gotta go to work now?

No.

Oh, that's cool.

You can make me some eggs and pancakes and stuff.

Who is this, Dave?

This is Cross.

I'm calling because I'm hungry.

I want you to make me some breakfast right now.

It's David.

It's David, too.

She can't hear you, stupid.

stupid. Hello. Hello. Who is

this, then? This is Cross. I'm hungry.

Cross and David. Who's that? I don't know

who you are. I'm just a gentleman. I found

your number here. Yeah, we found your

number. We want breakfast, right? There's three of us on the line

right now. Hey, baby. And

again. You get kicked out of regular

people in England or something and

waking them up? Yeah, well, for breakfast.

No, we're in England now. We just

got off the plane. We're with the Homosexual Glee

Club. Oh, Jesus Christ.

She hung up already. Nothing there. She was kind of

Miffed, a little annoyed, but nothing too special.

What are you doing?

Why is my mic not working?

Your mic is working. I hear you.

Oh, did she hear me?

Yeah, she did.

Oh, you said it wasn't working?

She hung up because of you.

Shit.

She hung up because you said stupid shit.

I'm good at that.

Yeah, no kidding.

Yeah, you are.

Tuck, if I wanted your opinion, I would...

No, no, no, no.

It's not...

I didn't ask...

Can I have my opinion right now?

I'm just telling you...

I'd shove my hand up your ass and work you like a puppet.

it. Are you still quoting Jersey Shore?

No, that was from the movie

The Good Guys with Will Ferrell.

That's a shit movie. It was funny.

Hello? Yeah, listen.

Listen, you're way late waking up

over here. You're supposed to be here at this time.

And I want to know what the big deal is with you

Chapmans not showing up to work on time anymore.

Who are you?

It's size clergy

in the morning.

Hey, Grandma. You were supposed to call

and send your papers over here

and work. You're supposed to be here

here at 5 30 i'm going to fire you sir well what are you talking about what papers i'm calling from

the international business machine corporation yes you have it's very important no no this is

peter chapman and his wife it's it's not not him yes it is he listen he's supposed to sign these

papers he's supposed to get in here by 5 30 or we're going to shut off your toilet and you

But in the meantime, I'm going to turn off your toilet right now.

Are you ready?

You better use it one last time.

If you need to go make pee-pee caca, you better do it now

because you're not going to be able to do it for the rest of the week.

I got my hand on the thing right now to turn off the toilet.

Do you need to use it?

Let me know.

I'll give you a chance to use the toilet.

There she goes.

You got it.

All right, let's call her back.

There's no women who want to be raided tonight.

Hello?

Hello.

Good morning.

Let's keep doing that.

Milkman, join us.

Let's all just keep saying stupid hello.

Why not?

Can you hear me?

Yeah, we can hear you.

I can hear you now.

I haven't put anybody on mute.

No.

I haven't put anybody on mute now, Milkman.

Don't start.

I don't know.

I was saying something.

I didn't know if you heard me.

Oh, no.

We'll take your medicine.

it never seems to come in up in the internet milkman called me the other day he's like i got

a cold and he he made a bowl of oatmeal and he dumped a whole bottle of nyquil in it and ate it

wow fucking crazy man yeah it's not safe no man let's just take it like that

shut up and say hello on the phone hello hello

how are you yeah they hung right up yeah that sucks all right anyway we got more numbers let's

see. This is such a goofy show

tonight. Yeah, it's crazy.

Prankmaster calling in. Yeah, they hung right up.

Prankmaster! Yeah,

that sucks. Alright, anyway. That sucks if

you're going to have us on. I'm not going to put you on if your audio

is coming in. If my audio is coming

in on it, it sounds really bad. Fix your

shit, Prankmaster, if you want to be on the air, sir.

Actually, you do kind of look good. You got

the head for it. You got a big, flat top of the

head over there. Exactly. Yeah.

Alright, folks, we got about

25 minutes left to show, or earlier.

We're running out of numbers. We're running out of earlier.

This is Madhouse Radio.

It's all 35 a.m.

Call of business.

Our show for Thursday the 20th.

What's those on convenience stores?

How are you guys?

Wait a minute.

The phones are...

I gotta redo the call.

Hang on.

Tuck.

What's those convenience stores?

I don't know.

I don't care.

Wawa?

Yes.

I gotta connect everybody up again.

The phones are messing up here.

I'm getting a call.

I know.

Answer it.

Hey.

Let's see if this is better.

Hey.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Huh?

I'm getting milkman back on.

It's like a nasty fuzz somewhere.

Where is that?

Can you touch something over there?

It's 5.30 in the morning.

Do you know what bloody time it is?

I'm going to kill you for calling at this time, you know.

It ran for like two hours or something.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, Prankmaster, what's up, man?

Not much.

How about yourself?

not a whole shitload just uh enjoying the show hey do you have a cell phone cover oh i'm good

man i'm glad you're doing all right i had a job my uh i'm a face friend thing whatever that thing

is i gotta add you on my facebook too prank master i got a big announcement here prank

master donated uh made a donation to madhouse radio and is going to be joining the madhouse

house radio family it's awesome thank you prank master yeah it's no longer prank master it's uh

major chaos all right we're doing a call prank

major chaos gonna do a prank call to jennifer maloney oh wait a minute i hit the wrong number

fuck whoops that was the kebab place it's closed already oh and i said i was gonna have sex with

them oh i had the new new send in the albalal number man uh from wow when was the last time

we called that three weeks ago i think we've called them a lot waste life prank master

it's gonna be hard not to say that anymore they're prank master i'm sorry i'm trying not to do it

yeah you're pretty much prank master for life you know yeah to me you're always my little prank

sick to it you know i don't think these people gonna answer anymore man you're gonna have

company over in the morning yeah an old lady her name is daniel how old is she um 21 and you're

You're 21 too, right?

She's like two months older.

I'm trying to, I'm thinking about hooking Artie up with a cougar or something.

You know, like an older lady who was talking today, he likes a cougar.

Yeah, get the bitches of that spread.

How about a shitload?

Anyone fire the cat?

So yeah, I'm doing like the YouTube thing now.

That's basically what I'm aiming for.

Are you blogging on there?

What are you doing exactly?

Well, actually, I get a shitload of free products.

Like, I got over 200 videos right now.

I got, uh, let me see how many subscribers. I got exactly 2,875 subscribers. I'll be having 4,000 by the end of the year.

Uh, basically, I do product reviews. I get the companies to send me any of their products.

I got laser pointers like shit that you can burn stuff with I've gotten

Video cameras I've got in new laptops. I've got in you know

drives I've gotten like pretty much I've gotten a

Remote-controlled bowling ball. I've gotten yeah

I've gotten a bunch of weird stuff like everything that I've done you can see on my youtube channel

I am totally gonna subscribe to that. I'm not kidding

The flight market's jamster.

I love it.

That's pretty much what I've been doing.

I've been hooking up with some big time

celebrities. I've got to hang

out with Kyle Schumer about a

month ago.

Kyle Schumer? The Kyle Schumer people?

Yeah. Yep, that's awesome.

What about E-Bombs World? I've been

hanging out with them lately. No, I never

hung out with them, but I've hung out with Kyle Schumer.

They're helping me out.

I'm helping them out.

I hung out

Hey, kids, kids, kids.

This is a big investor here.

Let's be professional.

I hung out with Bill Clinton today.

This is a professional prank call show.

Major chaos.

I met Bill Clinton today.

I shook his hand in Orlando.

Wow, did you ask if you could pull out his belly?

No, no.

I was at a political rally, and I saw him there, and I asked him some things.

Well, you know what? You should have

streaked him. I think Alki David

would have paid you for it. Probably not.

He's an asshole, I understand. He's a Jew.

He doesn't want to get money out.

So were you on Battlecam also?

What's going on with you exactly?

Yeah, I'm on Battlecam a little bit, but

it's just a shitty website.

Did you get a free cell phone or something?

What do you mean? Did you get a free cell phone?

Yeah, I got six free

cell phones. From who?

I got two iPhones.

I've got

I've got a T-Mobile, I've got an Android.

A T-Mobile?

Where?

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, I got a whole shitload of them, but I don't even use them, so...

What carries the Android phone on it?

You should do some contests to give away some of those iPhones or something.

I just got a new phone.

See, the problem is, you know, I do that shit all the time on my YouTube channel, but nobody really wants to get into it, and it's only like two, three people, and I'm like, ah, fuck it, you know.

That's not worth it.

written yeah it's not worth doing you know a big contest and shit so you know i've gotten some nice

spy equipment i've actually picked up uh it's a uh video camera hidden inside of a pen and then

i've also got a video camera that's hidden inside of a uh remote controller and then i got this uh

this thing called tv be gone and you can turn on off tvs at any time like i've gone to las vegas

When I went to Vegas, I turned off TVs in the casinos and shit.

I had people going, what the fuck is going on here?

Hey, Major Chaos, Evil already wants to ask you a question.

He's a big fan.

Yeah, what's up?

Spy on little boys.

What was that?

You use the equipment to spy on little boys.

Funny.

You know what?

He was just being a professional because he's an actual member.

We're turning a leaf here and everything, and then we've got to start that.

I don't understand.

We're turning a leaf here with Major Chaos, Master.

it's horrible yeah anyway yeah i know what it's great you know i kind of laugh at it now so yeah

you know kdk had an overdose not too long ago so we've been praying for him here hopefully he

pulls through and yeah dr lego was talking to me and we're you know we're thinking about maybe

doing something together uh to help him out so i don't know if you were aware about that it's been

kind of private news and stuff but no i i haven't talked to kdk and fucking since the last time we

He's been doing heroin a lot again

and it's been getting pretty bad

so we'll just have him in his prayers

He's in rehab right now

so hopefully in a few weeks he'll be out

He'll be doing prank calls again

God bless him

Alright, well look, we're going to wrap this show here

because I'm out of... no, let me check

Oh no, we've got one last number here

I'm going to let you go there

I'm going to do one last call

You're not going to let me give it a shot?

Nope, not yet

But it's good talking to you

Talk to you later there.

No, when you're the prank master, you're going to do pranks.

You're no master of pranks now.

Yeah, well, I was never a prank master.

You're just a major of chaos.

Major chaos.

Well, I am still the major of chaos, you know.

I can cause a lot of chaos.

Yeah, you do.

That's true.

You know, it fits.

The number said it.

If a puzzle piece fits.

All right, well, I'll talk to you guys later.

If there's grass in the field.

All right, see you, man.

bye this is this grass on the field smoke it wow what was that about that this old mic that i'm

using for you already sucks like when i turn it up you hear it oh god that's why i keep turning

it down it sounds like shit is that where the bussing is coming from you're not talking into

it i know it sounds like shit when i'm talking into it well if you really talk into like now

i can leave it on but you never want to just my voice in general oh yeah that's true look like

yours yeah you're still there i'm good make sure yeah you're talking to chicks when i'm like five

five different chicks right now.

This is such a weird night.

Why are we talking to Prankmaster?

I don't know.

This is just insane.

This is an insane night.

Talk to Zolar, Prankmaster.

Oh, my God.

My life is so weird tonight.

And Katie Cat overdose?

Is that real,

or are you just talking?

That's what I heard.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

No, I don't know.

Oh.

Hello?

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

Yeah, listen.

Karen, Shonda from Womba

told me to call you

about a job opening there.

Sorry, wait.

What?

Karen told me to give you a call.

about the job opening at the rich richborough store hey okay all right so what's going on with

that um this is all done online so this is it oh thanks nice try excuse me no no karen told me to

give you a call she gave me information i don't have an internet damn it what was that about

there's some secret code lonesome lucid says the rare reason bugger grad are cold in the spring

that's something else what is this then all online camera tell them that karen from wawa told you to

Someone else said, I'm friends with Karen, use the code word Weeble Wally, which you think is code for free porn magazines from the street kids.

Okay, alright, let's give that a call.

And that'll be the last call of the night.

There's some weird inside humor from Lonesome Loser here.

I'd like to solder something.

Why don't you solder your nuts off?

Okay, let's do it.

Alright, do it.

I don't want to smell it, though.

Wait until the show's over.

Take it with you.

I don't want to smell that here.

I'm going to use a solder iron on him.

Hello.

Hello, Mr. Courtney speaking.

How may I help you?

Hey, Big Courtney.

Karen, you know, told me to give a call here.

Okay.

About the magazines in the back.

The code word was Weeble Wally.

Magazines in the back?

Yeah, there's some dirty magazines back there.

Hold on one second.

All right, stupid.

Mr. Dukes, produce some booze.

Oh, this is an effeminate burp.

Hey, they're looking for the porno.

Oh, we're just in preparation to age.

Masturbate?

Booze masturbation booze?

Yeah, totally.

Ask him how often.

You guys ever use a masturbation booth?

Milkman, you're old enough.

You might have done that, right?

Yeah, there's one in Carly's place.

Oh, yeah.

I've got a hole in the wall.

I'm using it right now.

Oh!

I hit a glory hole in my house bathroom.

I bet you do.

You're going to invite men over?

No reciprocation.

You know when you're in the right department when the floor gets sticky.

It's taking so long.

Nunu's upset that KDK didn't overdose, apparently, in the chat room.

He's having a fit about it.

He said, piss.

I'm sorry, Joe, but I know you're...

So what's the history with that?

KDK?

Yeah.

he's uh that's a long story hello uh warmest of all just thinking i can help you yeah who's this

now justin yeah justin listen weevil wally what's that weevil wally this is me v wally i was told

to call and there was a stash in the back of magazines the stash in the back of magazines

right there's supposed to be they were holding some magazines for me in the back i was just to

call in and give the code word weevil wally we don't we don't carry magazines here no it's

out of the catalog i i have no clue what you're talking about why don't you go yourself you stupid

little can i help you with anything it's basically just been like this all night man i

don't know what to tell you this i have no ideas you having a rough night yeah kind of yeah you

know how it is right we started here about that this retarded kid over here next to me keeps

making noise in the microphone all the time you wearing your helmet tonight huh you wearing your

helmet tonight yeah all right just be careful don't don't fall all right all right all right

later man that was a nice end of the show right there well already i think it's not going to work

out with you and me here all right we should just be good as captains yeah i think you're a nice

calling guest but you still don't have any self-control when you're here you're still making

noise and that's i don't know at least you didn't make a mess this time not yet what do you got over

there just one just one can oh yeah that's right evil already wants to smoke pretzel crumbs hang

Hang on.

There we go.

Go far away, sir.

Can you pack the bowl?

No, I'm not going to pack a bowl.

I don't do that stuff here.

You do it yourself.

You want to smoke pretzel crumbs?

Pretzel crumbs is basically just salt.

That's all that is.

No, you don't.

You're going to be driving.

There you go.

All right, Milkman, take us out of here.

Well, he said set up.

Go ahead and do it.

Yeah, what's up, Milkman?

Are you going to say something?

Sorry.

What's up?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, I was just saying that we did take a collection for the rug doctor in there in the chat room,

and we got a whole 25 cents.

Oh, really?

$25, that's enough to rent it for two nights

over here at the Ace Hardware, man.

Yeah, we got it for $0.25.

We got $0.25 a day.

I really want to see Evil Artie. He's going to smoke pretzels.

That's enough, Artie, because you're going to throw up probably, you stupid.

You're going to get sick.

Get the garbage can ready.

All right, everybody. Do it on camera.

Here, I'm going to put you on the main camera.

Hang on. Don't do anything.

Your camera.

Hang on. Not yet.

Not on yet. All right, everybody.

All right, Artie, you're on cam. You're going to smoke

I don't do that stuff.

I don't know.

420, blaze it up.

Free-basing pretzels.

Last toke.

That didn't make you cough?

How's it taste?

I think I'm gaining some weight.

You think you're gaining some weight?

Milkman, take us out of here while...

Actually, that smells good.

Let me try that.

It smells like toast.

You can have either of those.

You mean like the salt in the bottom of the bag pretzels?

Oh, no, no, no.

It's extra crumbs.

Or just crumbs.

Yeah.

All right, anyway, Milkman, we're digressing.

I'm going to smoke pretzels.

You take us out of here, man.

All right, man.

All right, well, I'd like to thank everybody for joining us tonight.

All of our friends over there in 98.6, the mouth, my chat.

There's now people already.

Welcome, Loser, the number six man.

What can we do without the master of the fingers that die all over the world?

Go to Loser.

To Nunu, that's right.

Open to the UK.

And we have

Doug Offerford-Town,

Cousin Mike, CousinMike.com.

Don't forget to miss out over there

and leave your message

to Brendan, Jill,

MST3K,

Sean Norcow,

Kostik, Overbacon,

Wasted, and I'd like to thank also

some of our other visitors who stopped in tonight.

Zola, the incredible Zola.

That's right.

It's crazy.

The Planet Master, also known as

Major K.R.O.S., the Frank Mastro original.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And Dugan's special guest appears to the dead tonight.

He'll have to laugh at a whole half a cough.

Amazing.

And he's also going to vote for the anti-masturbation in the version of the 69th Amendment.

So we'll see how that comes out, and we'll let you know how that comes out very soon.

Also, we'd like to thank you.

That's right.

Our listeners, our friends right here in the mouth.

Every week we provide you the most interactive, creative, wackiest show right here at the

Stallings with Generalissimo, myself, and the Madhouse Militia in Fort.

And we do it for your pleasure.

That's right.

For your involved.

We ask that only that you share a rap with us, bring your friends, and very big enemies

because we all love to have fun right here at the Madhouse.

That's what we do at Generalissimo.

I'm Master of the Ceremonies there in the Orlando headquarters of the Arms

down under Sneaky Studio.

Thank you so much for having us on,

and thank all our friends at Cactus.

Over to you, big guy.

Thank you, Milkman.

Back to me in the studio.

Everyone, be sure to visit tuckermike.com.

That's Big Tuck's website.

Yo.

tuckermike.com has anything special going on there lately?

You had something.

I saw you were tweeting about something you were posting recently.

What was that now?

I'm doing posters for events in California, like weed cannabis events, like the Smokeout Fest that just happened this year.

I did a poster for that.

There's a Buda Fest going on this weekend out there.

It's a big get-together kind of thing.

California's blowing up, and that Proposition 19 thing happened.

Yeah, man, that's a big thing, and the federal government's saying, don't do it.

Yeah, I know.

It's going to be crazy.

It's interesting times.

Let's see what happens in November

Good luck to that

And everybody in California

I want to thank you

You're welcome here anytime

Dance away white boy

That's fine

Milkman, Lonesome Loser

Tuck, thanks for being on here

And I think that's it

Thanks listeners

I'll get a podcast

It'll be out at some point

That's all I got to say

Thanks a lot for all your coconut

We're going to aim for a Wednesday night show again next week.

10 p.m. again.

Same time as we did today, I think.

That's fair enough.

Also, I was talking to RBCP.

We're talking about doing a Saturday night show once or twice a month

where we just run a conference bridge, phone bridge,

and crank call out the ass.

We were talking about that earlier today.

He aims to be back on next Tuesday.

He's going to get his technical problems fixed out this week.

we'll be back uh midnight eastern 9 p.m pacific uh next tuesday night and that's going to be the

26th yes there we go oh there makes it and there he is all right folks catch you next week thank

you again okay 25 cent donation here coming your way hermano came through to check y'all niggas

you know i'm saying to show some love and us niggas don't know how long we're gonna be here

feel me so enjoy this shit enjoy yourself and then we out of here

Calls (27, 57 min of 2 h 32 min)

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