All About Ass

You're either high, you're either drunk or high or something.

You know, you obviously have a serious problem.

Huh?

You have toilet.

Toilet?

Yeah, for making shit in the toilet.

You take shit all the time, right?

Yeah, but that's why I need a toilet to make a shit.

Oh, yeah, well, yeah, we have toilet, but don't take any of the medicine right now, okay?

I fuck you, son of a bitch.

Bitch, I fuck you, you understand?

Why do you say that?

You're so stupid, you fuck, you son of a bitch.

You're the mother of a bitch.

If you can't answer my questions, then I'm just going to hang up.

What?

Hang up, man.

What?

Who the fuck is this?

Fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

What's up?

Hey.

Lito, I am your host for tonight.

All the magnificent, the all-powerful, and the merciful, we are here.

Yes.

It's all for tuning in on this fine post-election day of 2010.

Wow, was that interesting.

Wow, we fucked.

We're so fucked.

Yay.

We, we.

We are so fucked as a country.

Americans are listening and watching right now.

Anyway, more on that later.

I'm Carlito.

Tuck's here.

We're going to do a show.

We missed a show last week due to problems.

Yeah, yeah, problems.

Those problems should not be occurring again tonight.

Hope not.

I don't want to sit for like two hours

Playing Halloween music

Waiting for you to come back

Two hours of Halloween

That was Milkman's birthday

I didn't even call him

I'm not kidding you

I didn't get a chance to call him

He hates you now

He won't answer this number

Because he thinks it's the collector

Of course not

Let me try to connect him here

He has no idea we're doing a show

Maybe Matt

You were kind of far away by the way

On your phone

Oh shit

I'll fix it

How's this Tuck

Milkman you there

He's an entrant

He is

Milkman

Nope

I don't know what that is

It's a collector

Do I sound better yet Tuck

Yeah you're good now

Yeah, you're aces now.

Damn, aces.

All right, everybody, send in your requests to me, Madhouse Radio,

if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

AOL and Yahoo Instant Messengers, once again, that's Madhouse Radio.

You can also send me requests on madhouseatlive.com if you're using MSN.

Again, MSN users, madhouseatlive.com.

Or just hit us up in the madhouselive.com web page.

There's a chat room there.

Other ways we could figure out how to...

There's no excuse for not being able to send in your prank request to me, basically.

None at all.

No excuses.

No goddamn excuse.

So...

Turn down a vote?

Whose fault is it?

Exactly.

That's right.

So the Democrats retained, or they lost, I think, what, four seats in the Senate.

Lost the House by a lot.

Yeah.

Nancy Pelosi is no longer Speakeress of the House.

Right.

Now it's that boner guy.

Right, right.

Right. And hey, look, we gained the boner.

We gained the boner. We lost we lost Old Crow.

We gained the boner. That's right.

Thanks for looking up. And here in Florida, my congressman was Alan Grayson, the very outspoken Alan Grayson.

He got he got killed in a landslide.

The mayor that was running for Orlando, Orange County, he was the Democrat rather that was running.

got lost by like a good 30 40 percentile points to the republican who looks like a chubby version

of sarah palin that's gonna be fun um the senate race uh thanks to bill clinton fucking things up

uh well anyway uh it was a three-way race between kendrick meek the democrat he lost

big time uh as well as the current governor charlie christ who dropped from the republican

wiccan party to become um independent to run for senate to be rainbow to be the rainbow a lot of

people say he's bi or gay and uh the winner what is uh is uh fucking marco rubio who apparently

your mic uh went went out again yeah i know i pulled it back up did i not or did it lose

save it there you go there you are all right fix good cool roses again uh and uh aces aces thank

Thank you.

Some other race happened.

I don't know.

I don't know, man.

What?

The governor.

Yes, the governor.

The governor's race.

The Democrat Alex Sink lost by one percentage point to a fucking self-made CEO rich guy who bought his own election.

He spent $75 million of his own money running for governor.

I forgot his name.

Was it Rick Scott?

I think that's the guy.

He's a Tea Party guy.

Oh, boy.

Or the Tea Party likes him.

He's Republican.

He hasn't dropped out of the Republican Party

But he's the Tea Party favorite

So we're fucked in that also

We've got a Republican governor

But he's not a Tea Party-er

So it could be worse

I understand

There was a lot of Tea Party-ers

Running in the primaries

So it was scary

But the Catherine or the Christine

O'Donnell or whatever

She got beat pretty bad though

Yeah, no one's going to vote for that

She got too much exposure

exposure too much exposure right and then i heard the marijuana proposition what was the number 19

yeah didn't pass you know what uh good it's kind of dodge a bullet because people didn't

it it would they would have been kind of fucked it wasn't a good deal it wasn't yeah you know

what i started reading some of the they kind of dodged the bullet yeah i started reading why the

support for that started waning and it made a lot of sense some of the stuff um i guess because

uh some some growers what was it going to be something over like the pharmaceutical companies

are probably going to get all involved with it and and make it expensive and shitty yeah they're

going to do do it's hex to shove it on the one and uh just make it uh more expensive and it's

it wasn't a great deal that they did the diehards activists they kind of want to go for the what

what they call the Jack Harrow model,

which is a bit more pure.

So they're going to do it a couple more times

until they get it right, or until they get it wrong.

Yeah, but one of the things they were campaigning on

was that it was going to make a dent in the Mexican violence

or something because it was going to drive down the price of pot.

I don't buy that.

I don't know.

Wasn't there a governor?

There was a governor race because Governor Schwarzenegger...

Jerry Brown.

round is he a republican or democrat who won the democrat democrat yeah he's an old school

democrat from from way back he used to be governor in california back in that

yeah they should have brought gray davis they kicked him out they kicked him out yeah then

it was like oh we want gray davis back no i don't know what they were saying i'm not from california

yeah i didn't say that actually they can they they like they like arnold they're not crazy about

this

Attorney General

coming in

because he's going to be

he really hates

medical marijuana

and he's really going to go

after raiding it

so

they feel fucked

yeah

I don't know

I think

California is such a failed state

right now

I think Florida is headed there

in about a year

I think we're the next

California

but ahead

I'm going to talk about

our brothers and sisters

in California

we got a lot of listeners

out there

yeah we got a lot of listeners

you know what

they know what's up

they'll have to hear it from us is that lonesome around no not yet he said he doesn't make it to

11 usually on these nights um but uh brendan is sending in numbers new new are you sending

a number sir uh you're pushing the envelope here when it comes to you want us to do pranks now

it's my chat working now i think you'll love i can't what can i type in the chat room what's

wrong i don't know i couldn't get it yeah maybe it is you know actually make them might be because

i had to go into the uh java uh chat room i used to use irc but i can't get into that couldn't get

into it last week either right and i don't know what's happening with there i don't know if you

got your irc someone was telling me that the java chat wasn't working right but it seemed to be

working for me um i noticed that on my it's working for people just i can't type in it oh

really that's weird oh here's another question for you guys because uh in my on my laptop browser i

I can't see on the chat page.

I can't see the Ustream video.

But on my other computers, it comes up.

Yeah, it's gone, too.

Is it gone, too? There's no video there?

Yeah, it's blank up there.

You see, it's happening on some browsers.

I have Mac Chrome OS 5.

That helps me more now.

Yeah, well, in my Chrome, it doesn't come up.

But if I open it on Chrome on my server computer, it shows up.

I don't know.

I think I made a change to it, and it fucked something up with the coding.

I think he plays with some coding

Yeah, I'll go in there and try to fix it tonight

Sorry guys, that sucks

No wonder people are saying they're having trouble

Yeah

Oh, I got play of coding

Look at me, I want to be fancy

I want to be able to chat

Alright, gentlemen, pranks

That's what we're here for

Serious time, pranks

Yes, serious time, let's do prank calls

Yeah, okay

Dwight Pister is coming in from Nunu

new and man i really have to do updates to the to the podcast i got news for you guys i'm studying

for a certification a ccna certification that's taken up all my free time uh so i'm a little

afraid about being able to edit podcasts maybe kokanee can do one or two soon here uh he's not

gonna be able to show up tonight he doesn't think but we're calling dwight we're calling i'd say

since on my way but i'm so fucking busy with my shit too i can't even edit my own my own show

I hear ya buddy

It's alright

No one's asking you to do nothing

No they don't give a shit about me

Alright let's call Mr. Pister

He lives in Tennessee

I think he's done with pranks

He's all Mr.

I wanna develop videos

And do design lighting for concerts

We'll be for him

Yeah, Mr. Fancy, Big City Man, Dwight Pee Pee.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Dwight.

Yeah.

Hey, Mr. Pee Pee.

I was having a question about the amount of content in your water.

Was there a problem with that?

Because I heard you were making nasty statements about it.

Pardon me?

You were making nasty statements about the quality of the water and the content of the water.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Do you drink water at home?

Do you use water for showering, shaving, bowel movements?

Oh, man.

Man, you didn't just have to hang up like that, though, Tuck.

That's not fair and nice.

Well, this is a pretty call.

That is true.

It's his right.

It's American.

I guess so.

He's in Tennessee.

You know, that's a red state.

You got to watch out there, man.

They'll lock you up and throw away the key, Tuck.

Be careful.

Yeah, listen.

They'll lock you up and throw away the key in this state if you start hanging up on me like that.

Don't call back again.

Son of a bitch, I'm going to get you locked up.

It's all about a bunch of caca.

All right.

You paunch room.

Don't call.

I don't want to be here.

Talk to him in your language, Tuck

Maybe he'll understand from you

Tell him someone's calling you about the water

And you don't understand

It's about the caca

And your pee-pee, sir

We're trying to call you

I told you to tell him that you were getting pranks

Don't ask him about this pee-pee business

That's what I'm doing

That guy sounds like a dumbass cracker

Brandon says

Yeah, Tuck, you do sound like a dumbass cracker

I agree

Thank you

Sorry guys

That's all I got now

Milkman doesn't answer the phone anymore

I mean I could find my cell phone

And try to call him for there

But it just seems like a lot of work right now

What do you want me to do

We did that already

He didn't answer

He sees the out of state number

He knows it's Wednesday night

He knows to pick you

He's senile

He's seen it

That's what I'm saying

He just has no

He told me the other day

That he had to

Go to the hospital because he had problems

With his hair and his scalp

And they found out that he doesn't rinse his hair

After he takes a shower and shampoos it

He doesn't rinse it out

He didn't know he had to

And he doesn't wipe out free peas in the urinal

Oh you're making this up

My milkman you shit

You know it was his birthday

maybe he's dead or something uh you know how some people kill themselves after their 51st birthday

because their dad died at 51 really yeah well what you doing i'm here i'm on the toilet yeah

so no seriously hey uh we're doing a show you want to be on can i call you are you busy are you

are you busy yeah but i gotta call you on that uh that skype number you know the one okay fine

sorry mr busy bye see how see how is he doesn't care anymore it's like i'm busy i'm washing my

hair see it's not my fault guys it's this is his fault no blame me that just show sucks now

because he's not around i'm washing my hair my fault i gotta rinse it takes me 15 minutes

right along milkman will be joining us here shortly i'm gonna ask him about his birthday

how many times masturbated chinese restaurant in albuquerque didn't i say i was

going to stop giving out the full names and the addresses that i had to go back and edit it

and make things uh fucking harder ordeal for me i don't learn do i i don't remember any of this at

all what i said that that was the last show we did so much alcohol and th seasons then took

how much splenda i've drank since then where are we going yeah listen why you people put splenda

and aspartame in this huh you guys put splenda and aspartame in this is making me sweat a lot

You took order?

Yeah, I got the number two.

Number two?

Yeah.

You hold off.

Find the number two.

Find the person who had the number two.

That's me.

Hello?

Yeah, I have the number two.

The number two?

Yeah, what is this, some kind of joke?

Hold on, let me check the menu, okay?

Oh, Jesus.

Do you know the, what's the name?

No, no number.

We don't have our numbers in here, sir.

Oh, well, I asked for a number two, and they gave me something there that has aspartame.

All right.

No, because...

Eddie, you don't say that you don't have aspartame in this food here.

I make a presumption, and now I've got an allergic reaction or something to this aspartame.

You understand?

Uh-huh.

So you've got to make this right. Fix it.

Put me down for two number twos.

That's two squares, four.

I'm sorry, man, but we don't have a...

Two times two is four, right?

Yeah.

Put me down for number four.

We just changed the menu.

You have the old menu?

I've got the old...

What version of the menu is this?

Version three?

What kind of food?

you want china food yeah this is china there you go son of a bitch there it is right there

you found it you found it kind of food chinese food chinese asian it has rice in it sauce

the sauce you know i'm sorry man i think i don't you have a wrong place you gotta you got a problem

then sir me and you got a problem together you're gonna fix this now we're gonna get you shut down

i'm friends with bill siegel you know who that is he's the chief comptroller of the state thank you

Bye.

Hey, stupid woman.

What do we call?

I don't know.

Some Chinese place.

All right.

We'll call two people at the same time now.

Oh.

Yeah.

I'm shaking it up.

Listen.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hey, listen.

I got a problem here, and this person's on the other line trying to explain it to me.

So tell me about this number two thing that's going on here.

Oh, sorry.

Now change menu.

No number.

What kind of food you order, okay?

You tell him, sir.

What kind of food did you order?

Mr. Pisser.

Please hold on.

This is a tiny stretcher.

Yeah, I know.

Mr. Pister was ordering.

Tiny stretcher.

There was a gentleman ordering food over there before.

The menu no number.

So I don't know you order what kind of food.

You tell me the name.

You don't have the stupid old menu there still?

No, no menu.

How do we fix this then?

You got to make this happen.

You tell me what kind of food, okay?

I cook for you.

You cook for me?

Yourself?

I want string beans, gummy bears.

No what?

Huh?

String beans and gummy bears?

Spaces?

No, spaces, too, yeah.

Citrus reduction on it.

Oh, sorry, I don't understand.

Oh, you said you cook whatever, so I'm just asking.

You got string beans there with gummy bears, citrus reduction in it?

The menu, no, sorry.

Oh, so what's nearby there that you can get gummy bears?

I'll bring any gummy bears.

Okay, sorry.

Well, you tell me what's good there.

I mean, you make the food there.

What would you eat?

I have a chicken, beef, shrimp.

You need what kind?

Yeah, let's just, chicken, chicken and cheese, so I'll have a chicken and cheese right there.

Oh, no, but you got that, listen, you got, no, listen, buddy, sir, you guys have crab

rangoon there, stuff?

You got cheese in that?

Yeah, the cheese, the appetizer have a cheese, the mix of food, the no cheese.

Open it up, the, open it up then.

Have a crab ring go.

Yeah, the crab rangoon, but open it up and dump the cheese out on the chicken.

The chicken, what kind of chicken?

Ah, you know, chicken breast or whatever you got there.

Purdue chicken, what do you got?

Have a shansao chicken, orange chicken, sesame chicken, something.

That's sesame chicken with crab rangoon cheese.

Yeah.

Mix inside.

You need a crab ring go and orange chicken.

I want to mix with the chicken.

Put it in the wok with some soy sauce.

And a soy sauce?

Soy sauce and mix it together in the wok for about 10 minutes.

You call me order, okay? I don't understand.

I'm going to come there and cook, all right?

Yeah, first.

And I want permission to use it, and if I get burned, it's going to be your fault.

I'm holding you responsible.

Listen, close the store right now. Close the store.

There's a man that came there from the past, okay? You understand?

He was on a mission, and he came from a different time in a time machine.

And something is supposed to happen there at some point.

at some point some person's gonna go there and order food and it's gonna be very bad

no no they don't listen to me talk i don't know what to do for them all right we're calling a

bar and grill i'm sure it'd be very loud there we got good numbers from brendan brendan's coming

through karahi curry dishes pizza kebabs burgers and chicken a place here a man got caught dumping

assorted cut vegetation on town-owned property what what's assorted cut vegetation okay answer

are there all right we got a number from new new gentleman got caught dumping assorted cut

vegetation on town-owned property what would be that was it just uh lawn clippings or something

that's not a big deal right who cares talk are you still there did i hang up on you i guess i

hung up on shit doing pretty weak today with the calls i'll be honest with you not all there right

now waiting for tuck to answer here so we continue to do some prank calls it's 10 35 p.m

November the 3rd of 2012.

Oh, no, we're on the air, man.

I'm going to call you back.

I'm going to call you back from the other number, all right?

Oh, good.

Then we'll put you on the air driving.

You can have an accident.

Make everybody laugh.

All right.

Come by.

All right, you hear that, folks?

That means Milkman's going to be on.

Yeah.

Every time I dial, the volume goes low.

I don't get it.

I told Skype not to change the settings anymore, and it still does.

I look at it.

It's unchecked.

In order to complete this call, you must dial the area code and the telephone number.

What the fuck are you talking about, man?

Stupid Skype.

what do i sound do i sound far away again do i sound far away again no you sound great now you

sound good okay good how you doing man happy birthday belated sorry i didn't call you

nice good stuff man make you fart the more you eat the more you eat the more you fart the better

you feel eating the man every meal man what about about there you go man dude you know how us

americans like that like farting uh i see jill's here just want to say a big what's up to jill

in the chat room right now. Grishnav.

What's up, Joe?

What's up, man? Hey, boy. That's right.

Brendan is in there sending in numbers.

MSC3 Clay is in the house. Caustic,

Frizzfry, Pure Evil,

Sean. Big Sean,

Wasted, Pure Evil, etc., etc.

I don't know if I probably missed a few there.

Nunu's here. Also, Milkman's letting you know who's in.

All right. Well, Tom, thanks for those

Cascas coupons, and

I'm working on getting him a special

discount on the defense

because I know he's in need of them lately.

Yeah, Milkman, I got a hot shave today.

It was great.

Oh, yeah, it's Kalafag busted on the camera, so we had to get him some tea.

Oh, man.

So you had a good birthday?

Did you do anything?

Did you hang out with the old lady, or what happened?

Anything?

Yeah, it was cool.

Yeah, man.

Actually, I had my first birthday party in probably like 15 years.

Oh, wow.

There you go, player.

Yeah, I had a big dinner, and I had two cakes, and a present staring.

I was really shocked, dude.

I about fell over.

That's good, man.

I'm happy for you.

you know i should have called you but i was so i've been listening uh i've been studying for uh

cisco certification ccna like every yeah and then like it was all day halloween and then the next

day i saw a post my friend eddie the guy that's the original eddie garcia his birthday is the

same day 31st of october and his his post you know was like oh thanks everybody wish me happy

birthday i said oh shit that's right that was milkman and his birthday and shit yeah so then

And then, you know me.

I'm an asshole.

What can I say?

I appreciate it, man.

Thank you.

Well, at least you remember.

I mean, now it's lonely.

You don't even remember a lot of things, and they're really bad.

So, that's good.

Man, I got a lot of people on Facebook, believe it or not,

to send me birthday wishes, which really shocked me.

Like the Madhouse Facebook, or something else?

Like the Milkman, or personal?

My Milkman was, yeah, a bunch of people had given me birthday kudos on there.

That's right.

it was the next day

and Athena's like

me and Athena

are in the living room

and she's on her laptop

and she's like

yeah Carlito

it says Milkman

turned 82 years old

yesterday

and I busted out laughing

like yeah

that's Milkman

alright

yeah

On Facebook

She got a notification

On Facebook that it was your birthday

That you turned 82

Or something like that

I forgot what it was exactly

But it was pretty funny

87

87, I don't know, whatever.

All right, Milkman, I'm going to do some pranks.

The numbers are filtering in, no lonesome news yet.

You want to hang on, listen in?

Yeah, sure.

That's who I got here.

I got a kebab house, but before that, I got a number here from Nunu himself.

Asian place.

It's a guy who got in trouble for dumping assorted cut vegetation on town property.

Oh, yeah, that sounds good right there.

Do you know what kind of vegetation is the herb bowl or what?

I don't know, man.

Yeah, well, on the wall.

Bullshit.

Is it because you got trouble for the dumping part or for the herb part?

No, I don't know.

Cut vegetation.

It was probably just some lawn clippings.

I'm going to ask him about some sod.

Hello?

Yeah, hey, is Martin there?

No, he's not.

Who's calling?

Oh, this is Cross.

Look, I just wanted to let you guys know, like, over here where we live,

live over here in the k2 projects and like the landlords don't give us anything for like

maintenance or anything outside we just but you take some of those lawn clippings or sod and

they'll grow like wildfire out here what are you talking about well you guys were dumping sod and

i mean if you just don't i mean we'll all go and pick them up and we'll just put them out here and

water it every night in the afternoon and that'll grow like wildfire out here you know the wrong

wrong person oh you guys were cutting the dumping the the vegetation right the sod no no you have

the wrong person where's martin at let me speak to him maybe it's because a woman's talking on

the stupid phone like you have the wrong person goodbye stupid woman messing up things oh shut

down shut down milkman operation shut down boy oh boy milkman they didn't pass that resolution

in California, man. What happened? I thought you were

backing it up. Proposition 19.

Oh, man. We had a

big bong smokeout party and

everything, dude. And you guys

forgot to vote.

You guys forgot to vote.

Yeah, I got one for you

and me, and I'll show up

and you guys get your official medical cards.

Yeah. Wow. So,

it's not that the medical stuff isn't

going away in California. It's just they were

trying to legalize it for people over 21,

wasn't it, or whatever, up to an ounce?

They were trying to reduce the penalties for amounts.

But, I mean, back in my smoking days, and I used to smoke pretty heavily,

I could make an ounce last, like, a week.

And that's pretty, I mean, more than that, probably.

Yeah, but if it's legal and you're using it, you know, medically or...

That's true. That's right.

You know, if you hand me the cash ball, get one in off of it, next thing you know.

That's that. And Tuck was, I lost Tuck. I don't know what happened to him.

I'll try to call him again here, but he said it's a Democrat that went for governor over there, huh?

Is that what happened?

Yeah, the Democrats wanted Lee Sanders to get rid of that Meg.

He used to bitchy some psycho nutcase.

He wanted to cut every benefit, everything, unemployment, everything, cut taxes for corporations.

He said he was going to wipe it out.

Thank God he didn't put her in.

We got a Tea Party crazy guy here as governor.

governor. He won by one percentage point over the Democratic lady who was running for

governor. I lost my congressman. I don't know if you knew who Alan Grayson was. He's a very

outspoken liberal Democrat congressman. He said the Republicans' medical plan was like,

wasn't it like, don't get sick or something like that? Or if you do, just die. I forgot

what it was whatever yeah he said that about yeah he made a lot of enemies yeah basically so we got

we got a tea party ish crazy guy for governor now um senator they got elected last night as

a cuban exile who's a tea party friendly also republican that's cases man we are screwed you

know they don't want it unemployment they don't want they they talk about oh we're going to get

jobs for people but yet they threatened in the senate to to a filibuster this loans uh

people would normally the other companies will not give them a loan because money

we're able to get money for their small and big and bad people are saying mention one thing though

milkman i don't want to sound like i'm a negative answer that just because they're republicans that

are elected it's bad i voted for two republicans on the ballot just in lower positions because

they were outright better candidates and i don't necessarily identify myself just with

with the Democratic Party.

I research every candidate on my own, as it was.

But it's just, if you think about the way it is now,

you've got a House and a Senate that are both interdivided now,

and a very anti-administration climate when it comes to Obama.

Very against the administration right now.

It just seems to me like nothing is going to get done.

You know?

Nothing's going to get done.

Nothing's going to get fixed.

Nothing's going to get done.

That's what I'm trying to do here in the can,

and to be smart to his reputation that he can do anything positive for the country.

And him being like a good old, follow all the rules,

and that's a pretty ball, black or whatever balls you get.

They're heels in and not letting anything happen.

That's right, yeah.

I think we have some real problems in this country we should be worrying about right now.

They're just evangelicals, that's right.

They've always, it's a difference.

And they should have their own party.

Let them do their tea party thing.

Exactly.

I have to unfortunately...

Joe Clinton's first term, the Republicans did the same thing.

They took control of the House, and a lot of shit didn't get done.

If I understand correctly, Newt Gingrich and all them, they led to the federal government got shut down on two or three occasions because they couldn't agree on a budget.

Because all they wanted to do was dig in.

Yeah, and the same thing happened to Ronald Reagan in his first term.

uh the democrats took control of the house i believe and the senate two years in and and a

lot of shit didn't get done a lot of problems started there but um oh yeah god i don't know

you know what let's just do prank calls

controllers yeah yeah and then he uh yeah and then yeah well he did some good stuff

being involved with the union right all right milkman let's move on do prank calls for our

numbers start to start dropping oh fuck you all right so i'm gonna go i'm gonna go verbatim here

we got a curry indian kind of place uh uh that got uh dumped uh well they got in trouble for

illegal you know one of those illegal places dirty stuff going on over there over in the uk

Okay.

I'm going to go verbatim here on an order that Nunu wanted.

I won't read it out to you.

I'm just going to let you guys hear it as I place it.

Let's see how it goes.

All right, here we go.

This place is called Tasty and Spicy.

Is this Tasty Spicy, B's?

Yes, sir.

Tasty Spicy, that's good.

Hey, I want to make a carry-out order there.

I'm going to come in and carry it out with my hands.

You guys have plastic bags there or paper bags?

I can't hear you, sir.

Do you have plastic bags or paper bags?

Spicy batch.

Okay.

I want to make an order, please.

But, you know, if you want an order, I can take your order, but you have to pay by your card, okay?

Okay.

You ready?

You want to pay by card?

Uh-huh.

You want to pay by your card on the phone?

The card machine.

Yeah.

Why?

Yeah, I got a card.

Yeah, you have to pay by card because they call, uh, you haven't get your number yet.

I'll pay with a card.

I'll give you the card after the order.

Yeah, right now.

Can I have your telephone number, please?

It's 4424.

44, what are you talking about?

Your telephone number or mobile number, what is it?

442491496.

I'm from America.

I'm on vacation.

I'm calling from my cell phone.

Sir, we don't do delivery.

Sorry, sir.

No, no, no.

I'm coming to pick it up, sir.

Are you coming to pick it up?

Yeah, I'm visiting family over here from the Johnsons.

My name's Crotch.

Okay, but you have...

Can you just take my order and I'll give you the card number?

Okay.

Okay, yeah, give me what you like.

Damn it.

Two chicken tikka masala?

We do chicken curry or lamb curry.

That's the only two curry we have, sir.

Chicken tikka masala, you don't have that?

We don't have, sorry, sir.

All right, then one vegetable rogan, Josh?

We don't do that.

I said we do only chicken curry or lamb curry.

All right, then lamb curry, then.

One lamb curry, one chicken curry.

Two peshwari naan.

Hello?

Be back, okay?

No, wait.

I'm almost done.

Oh, can you hold it one second, please, sir?

Okay, buddy.

Thank you. Just one second, please.

Maybe those people were quiet there.

Those people are not Indian.

They've already eaten their food from a non-Indian place.

I'm just hanging on. I'm going to grab back.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Radio. MadhouseLive.com.

Hello?

Yeah, I was making a stupid order there, but I don't understand.

Okay, sorry about waiting.

Hey, can you ask the people to be quiet or something?

What would you like to order, people?

Let's see here.

Two chicken tikka masala.

Sorry?

Two chicken tikka masala.

Green chicken?

Uh-huh.

I can't hear you very well, no?

Because tell the people to be quiet.

Sorry?

Tell the people to be more quiet, maybe.

I don't understand why they're so rude in talking loud to people who work there.

Yeah, there's too many people there.

Customers coming, you know, sitting in the day.

All right.

One vegetable rogan.

I can't hear very well.

One vegetable rogan, you shit.

Yeah, if you're talking loudly, just loudly.

You know, too many people is here. I can't hear you very well.

All right, I need two, one vegetable, vegetable Rogan Josh.

One, one, sorry?

Lamb curry.

Lamb curry, yeah?

Uh-huh.

Okay, just one minute. Lamb curry.

Yeah.

Lamb curry with rice, yeah?

Yeah, two chicken, chicken masala.

Tell those people to shut up, please.

Too many, I don't know, I talk to who?

Well, just say attention, say attention.

Take control of the situation.

Yeah, I don't know.

Take control of the situation.

And then for dessert, I want your big, fat mother.

Oh, that's it.

You know, excuse me.

How many lamb curry with rice?

One or two?

How many does your mother eat?

Because I want to get her food while I'm at it.

Sorry?

How many does your mother eat?

I can't hear you.

Can you call me five minutes later?

Five minutes later.

how many your mother your mother your mother who your mother what are you talking about you're

your mother how many does she eat because i need to order for her also what are you

talking about your mother though the woman whose vagina you came out that's true right

her mother his mother loud take two the lemkers though boy you don't know delivery sorry

sir thank you take your mother no i wasn't as i wasn't asking for delivery jerks

Fucks.

You want poopy curry?

Lonesome Losers here.

Hey, Lonesome Loser.

Yeah, Lonesome Loser.

Loser.

I've been doing PCP lately.

It's awesome.

I'm going to call Pablo's Cruise.

Oceanside, California.

Oh, that's good shit, man.

Yeah, man.

It's a bit dusty, man.

That'd be a little bit of dust and juice, man.

It'd be kicking, baby.

How do you do PCP?

Do you smoke it?

Do you drink it?

Lick it?

Well, I used to lace it with the weed,

but you can decide if you can drink or snort.

I think good snort.

This is a Bud Light there you're asking.

Bud Light, the official beer of the Land of Magic.

That's what I'm drinking.

Give me just a moment here.

I forgot what I was doing.

Lonesome Losers sent in a number.

That's right.

For Pablo's Cruise.

I don't know.

Is it like Cruise, C-R-E-W-S?

Now, what are we talking?

Are they construction crews, you think?

Puerto Ricans?

Well, there was a group named Pablo Cruise.

And then it could be a cruise like getting on a boat.

Like a prank master thing?

The park manager has this thing where he wants to sew his asshole shut and keep eating sushi.

Hey, what do you have to yell like that?

Is there a problem?

Can you hear me?

Hello?

Yeah, who's...

Hello?

Hey, is this Pablo's Cruise?

Uh, it's not 8 o'clock at night.

No, but I need to make an order here for service.

What kind of repair work do these gentlemen do?

Are they documented?

What the fuck?

I don't care what time of night it is, damn it.

Enough, muñeca.

Listen, I don't care what time of night it is, goddammit, son of a bitch immigrant.

grint you're gonna take this information and put me over the overseer right now take my order

you understand lazy what do you need i need five mexican men over here to clean the bathroom clean

the toilets fix the toilets i want to put new toilets but they have to fix the plumbing also

while they're at it fuck i thought he hung up on me i hung up on him the club stuck listen paul

i must be busy because i'm not answering your phone you lazy fuck so stupid

stupid so i want papers have you heard the dead's voicemail yet milkman it's funny

hello hello yeah let me speak to the overseer the manager over there the overseer right you're

talking to the owner uh-huh so and what do you need so your name is pablo yes so what's that

imply that's cheap labor i don't understand is it a joke or something what are you you're calling

Yeah, the guy at the Home Depot told me to give you guys a call.

I was just at Home Depot.

Okay, well, I'm no longer in business to do any work.

I don't hire Mexicans.

Pablo's Crews sold business.

They sold boat parts.

Does that solve your problem?

Well, yeah, we can adapt those.

So send five of those Mexican guys that assemble boat parts

or whoever it is you have that work.

Are they American or what are they?

Africans?

Hello?

You know, hello.

You know, you have a serious problem,

them and that is you're calling the wrong business i don't hire people out you seem to know a lot

about pablos cruz and the man at the home depot said you knew all about how to hire mexicans so

you tell me why you have this nasty reputation about you sir well there's a serious problem

with that person because obviously he doesn't know what pablos cruz is no he showed me the

faxes and the paper and everything from you know that they had on you you you got a serious

problem no no i'm straight no i'm just asking you're either high or you're you're you're you're

drunk or high or or something you know you obviously have a serious problem all right so

i don't i don't understand where that involves have a nice have a nice day okay commanding you

do this work that i order you to do the work and you're gonna do what i say i love burning stuff

stuff, Milkman. It's fun. Diablo. Where are you calling the QDB and I? Hello. Hi, this

is Paul. I must be busy because I'm not answering the phone. I'll leave a message and I'll get

back to you. And that was Paul, everybody. Paul must be busy, so we had to leave him

a message. Friendly Inn. I call them, ask if I can use their toilets. That's all I

got. You got a turkey club that you can mess them up with, too. You remember that? Didn't

Didn't I say someone flushed half a turkey club sandwich on the toilet?

Yeah, Adam, test the toilets and flush it and then go check it coming down the line.

Yeah, hi, is this the stupid inn? Is this the stupid inn? Friendly inn? Hello?

Yeah, this is Friendly Inn, yeah.

Yeah, I want to make reservations there for the toilet.

Ah, we don't take any reservations right now.

Oh, do you have a toilet there?

Huh?

Do your rooms have toilet?

No.

You have toilets there, stupid.

Huh?

Do you have toilet?

Toilet?

Yeah, for making shit in the toilet.

Oh, you take shit all the time, right?

Yeah, but that's why I need a toilet to make a shit.

Oh, yeah, well, we have toilets, but don't take any of the toilet, okay?

No, but I just want to use the toilet, that's all.

What the fuck's up with that guy? He's long done.

Alright, call him back.

You gotta make a party.

Nothing here from this Japanese Zen. Let's just try to call...

Hang on, Milkman, you still there? I didn't lose you, did I? No, okay.

Okay, got to call the Dew Drop Inn restaurant that we've been calling here off and on.

Let's see if, I don't think they're closed yet.

There's a music here.

New song.

Hello.

Yes, hello, how are you?

This is the Dew Drop Inn.

How are you?

Yes.

Yeah, I'm calling about the Pepsi order.

There's a miscrepancy.

Charlie speaking.

Hello.

Who's this?

Yes, this is Charlie.

Hey, Charlie.

I'm calling about the Pepsi order, sir.

There was a problem with it, apparently.

Pepsi order, okay.

Okay, can you give me, uh, you have Sprite here, right?

Uh-huh, yep.

You have Sprite?

Yeah, will you Sprite?

Okay, two case Sprite.

Okay.

And, uh, uh, two orange juice.

Two case Sprite and two orange slice, orange juice, orange slice?

Orange juice, yes.

Oh, just juice, no soda?

And, uh, yeah, onion and, uh, two orange juice.

Okay.

Hundred percent, yes.

Yes, and also six Pepsi.

Six cases?

Yeah, six Pepsi, right?

Six Pepsi, okay.

Yeah, and one case is 24 cans, right?

24 cans in a case, yes, sir.

Okay, okay, that's it.

All right, so I got you down here for, hang on, let's get your total.

Got two cases of Sprite, two cases of orange juice, 100%.

Yes.

And four cases of Pepsi.

All right, we have a special now that if you get eight cases,

you get a free case of Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper.

Which one do you want?

I have plenty of Diet Pepsi.

Just give me a regular Pepsi, okay?

Oh, throw in a regular Pepsi there.

Okay.

All right, your total is going to be, let's see here, $3,279.47.

Huh?

Your total is $3,279.47, because you're past due for the last two months also.

$3,000?

Yeah, you're past due for the last two months, so it's $3,279.47.

Were you going to pay that now over the phone or on delivery?

What are you calling from?

I'm calling from PepsiCo.

What's your name?

This is Kroc.

You're crazy.

It's $3,000 something?

Well, because you're behind.

Let's see here.

Huh?

Ten weeks behind on the payment, sir.

So this is all together.

other three thousand two hundred so no no no no no no can you give me your

phone number you should have it there it's a toll-free number okay can you

give me your phone number eight hundred uh-huh 209 and 209 Pepsi your name cross

this is dr. cross and you need your account number the hospital CRO no no no

no I I cancel my order okay no no I have you down it's coming it's gonna be there

tomorrow between eight and five you're crazy it's three thousand something three thousand two hundred

seventy nine dollars and forty seven cents you're crazy you're very crazy you do you want your uh

confirmation number no no no no i can't so confirmation number is you take a big shit in

the toilet and you give it to people in a box like it's food and you put it in the microwave

for five minutes and it's a big shit and piss in the toilet i i fuck you son of a bitch i fuck you

you understand why do you say that you're so stupid you you son of a you

you understand no can you come to my store okay do or don't you you you

what's the problem what's going on here sir you come my store okay and for what you're gonna throw

$3,279.47.

Fuck you,

son of a bitch.

I'm sorry.

I love fucking

with that guy.

Oh, that was

massive.

He executed it.

Oh, my God.

Son of a bitch.

You son of a bitch.

I love when I,

I've done that twice

now where I have him

go for like a few minutes,

taking an order

and then at the end

I say I'm shitting

and pissing

and he gets upset

nice

good times

you look

without the

cocky at the end

Milkman

you're half

you're half Asian

but how funny

is it that his name

is Charlie

sorry

I just gotta say

I almost lost it there

Charlie

Charlie Lee

is here

Charlie

are you

are you home yet

or what's going on

I'm home now

uh

Kansas

yeah

Yeah, I should have asked for his account number.

And I couldn't have called Pepsi.

I could have called Pepsi and placed an order.

Yeah, you're right.

Shit.

I just won't do it.

He probably has a distributor.

But that was too brilliantly executed.

That's stupid.

You don't even know.

That's funny.

That was good.

Yeah, definitely.

That's going to be an intro here.

You're asking what's in the chat room.

Someone was mentioning that we should put that as the intro to the podcast.

Mikey129.

Oh, that's sweet.

yeah he also liked dr cross the student of dr pepper dr cross

oh man anyway yeah yeah good times good times

that was sweet man hang on i gotta call hang on hang on uh

tuck's been back for a little while since we started the last call i forgot

to add him in here for a second we lost him at some point

and fuck you you son of a bitch

You get a chance to hear that prank, sir.

Pranking? Yes.

It's a show, right? Do you do?

Yeah, did you hear that last prank we did?

Right now, it's pretty funny.

We called the Hawaiian, the Honoruru,

Chinese place, angry guy.

Yeah, I was listening to a little of that, yeah.

Yeah, he said, fuck you.

He kept calling him back and stuff.

Good time.

time yeah it's connected here we're about 15 minutes away from break it is madhouse radio

november the third let's do some more calls from lonesome loser numbers have come in brandon's got

the i think one your chat you stream everything works okay in gay safari and not on my

manly chrome chrome yeah and it's not working for me in chrome either i think so i see what the

issue is now i have to go in and fix it all right no problem guys i got a trouble ticket open on

on that for you i'll get it fixed worry not i think i'll just take my break now sorry i know

you just got back i'm gonna take my break now because um yeah i gotta take a walk tea really

bad and if not i'm just gonna be sitting here doing the peepee dance no one wants that all

right so no i don't want to see that oh yeah you guys do not want to see me in a yellow spot coming

up but when we come back we have more prank calls coming the shish kebab house in las vegas uh we

already called the do drop in we're gonna send that number also thank you sir uh lonesome i

sent in a number for dusty styles productions in california and uh new news so why wouldn't i

have a producer accent i'm talking to you in the chat room sorry so i should type that type it

all right folks we'll be right back in about uh it'll be about a five minute break when we come

back send in your request also we might open up the lines to you if you want to join us we always

do that here milkman of the tucker in the house yeah i'm not gonna make it talky we'll be right

Make him poop in the toilet.

Stand by.

When you have the GPS in your box or at the bottom,

so when you die, you open up trap door at the bottom

and you go straight to hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman ever, ever make you who you are.

Fuck you, bitch.

Motherfucker.

Can I terminate the call, please?

I took a big hit.

Madhouse Radio back.

for another thrilling second half of show machine 11 30 p.m

speaking of 11 30 p.m eastern everyone be sure to fall back this sunday at 2 a.m be sure to set

your clock machines to fall back one hour we will spring forward later on you get an extra hour of

sleep i work on sunday morning so i get an extra hour of sleep and i get to really put it to good

use. That's my second day of work of the week

is Sunday. Mikey129. I love that

Jack Mattress and

Todd Albert call. That was awesome. Yeah,

that's the beginnings of something

special there. Todd Albert salad

with $50 shredded

$50 bills in it.

No lettuce. That was pretty nice

after I found out they were going to close the franchise

on it. Mikey129

reporting that his Newman's Own popcorn

exploded in the microwave. I don't know how you can

eat that. Athena bought some of that Newman's

Own once and it smelled vile

Jill's ashtray burst into flames

It's a problem

Why would you do that?

Supposed to put ashes in there

Not lighter fluid

Alright

We got more numbers here from Lonesome Loser

That's a shitty ashtray if it's too much

Yeah, you gotta stop buying your ashtrays

At the Asda, the dollar store

Yeah

Get yourself a nice glass one

Dusty Styles Productions is the last one I read from Lonesome Loser

He also sentenced a liquor store

gas station here

water supply company

water utility

and a city called

Buck

B-U-T-C

Buck

Buck, Kentucky

we also got a

country store

a barbecue joint

and a food market

we got a pretty good

number of calls here

that we can do

you will already

seem to be nice

if I answered my phone

yeah I know

probably would be

yeah but why would you

Will

Big Will

who helped co-host

the show in the past

good friend of ours

he says he's going to

try the Fat Albert

or salad himself.

What's the recipe for that?

What is it?

Croutons?

Ranch dressing?

I forgot already.

Yeah.

Bacon grease.

Mayonnaise, maybe?

Adobo.

No mayonnaise,

but Adobo's in that.

Adobo.

Yep.

$50 shredded,

shredded $50 bill.

There you go.

$50.

$50 Adobo.

That's nasty.

Why would you want to eat

a currency?

Ugh.

Money's so dirty.

People want it so bad,

they'll eat it.

Just go to five, go to, go to 10 random people in the street and just eat their ass and you

get the same effect.

Basically.

Yeah.

Let me eat your ass.

Thanks.

People love ass.

Yeah.

I'm just saying.

Mass is a big industry.

All right.

This is the 24 hour place where big Brenda hangs out at.

Let's check in with her, see how she's doing.

Big booty Brenda.

See?

You all.

All.

See?

What a segue that was.

Yeah, it was good.

Tuck, we keep you here for a reason, man.

Because

Midlands is a show of them

Around the horn

The NBA

Kings are ahead of Phoenix

Right now

Thunder losing to the Clippers

By 12 points

And it's in the Clippers

Have a good squad this year

That's exciting

So are the Lakers

John I'm gonna help you

Hey Big John

Can I speak to Brenda please

Is she still there still

Brenda is off today

Oh man really

She's probably with her husband

Then right

Possibly yeah

Yeah don't tell her that I called

Because we got this thing on the side

I don't want to start any problems

At home alright

Alright cool

Alright thanks bro

Yep

Hey can you do me a favor

Hello

there we go

planting the seeds

of dissent over there

it's nice to see you

Brenda's gonna come

into work today

and hear the rumors

uh huh

and apparently

she's having an affair

uh apparently

on Mr. Brenda

I think they already know

you know what

I think they already know

they expected it to happen

no one

yeah he didn't sound

too surprised

Brenda

no way

well she seems to be

quite flirtatious

with me when I talk to her

she doesn't have

a new schedule

that would suck

she entertains the thought

every time and then at the end she says oh well i'm married they all say that though they all do

say that get them in the right spot those rings on their fingers are fake you know that you got

the right kind of pill in their drink you're in like flynn milkman taught me that roofies ghb

it's a ghb i don't know a date rape drug why are you laughing milkman just takes it for himself

i ought to write myself i take this roofie a masterpiece who are you calling what are you

Hang in there.

What are you answering?

I don't know what I'm talking about.

What's going on?

What are we doing?

We're laughing it right.

I forgot.

I'm calling a liquor store that wasn't answering.

Yeah.

All right, let's try a quick trip.

Coming up on that study, but water supply corporation.

That's about their ass water.

This show's been all about ass.

Sure has.

It was a bottle room, but it's not ass.

It's not ass.

It's the strangest name of the show.

Straight from the well, Milkman.

Show about ass.

Straight from the well, Milkman.

24?

Yeah, hi.

Is this the quick stop over there?

Over there.

You know, I left the gas cap on top of the gas pump machine over there.

What's your, um, person, bro?

Number 934.

According to the Google.

And your feet hurt.

Yeah, my feet.

Huh?

Aw, talk.

Ah, what?

You opened your mouth.

What'd she do that for?

What?

You said something nasty.

I didn't say nasty.

You were nasty.

See?

I think they were there still.

Hang on.

Sounded like she hung up.

They were placing all of this.

That's all I gotta say.

I love my glasses.

Hello?

What are those glasses, by the way?

They just hung right up.

Son of a bitch.

Oh, man.

Yeah, I wear those glasses.

I wouldn't bring it up.

I got nice sunglasses.

I wear them at night.

Okay.

Get me started.

Sunglasses, man.

Nightglasses.

Those are the ones.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

No.

What's that?

Yeah, this is the water machine.

Listen, I got to make a call.

There's a burst pipe over here.

I want you to shut it off.

What's up?

Are you drinking or something?

This is Cross.

You got a burst pipe over here, and you come shut it down.

But if you're drinking, I guess you can't come out here.

So never mind.

I'm going to report you tomorrow.

Where is it?

It's on Chestnut.

On what?

Chestnut.

Yes.

I don't know where Chestnut is.

Well, maybe if you weren't inebriated.

Are you on the on-call, or who are you?

Hello?

What's this?

Are you the on-call person, or what's going on here?

Why is it so loud?

I'm the on-call person.

Where is the pipe broken at?

It's on Chestnut, I told you already.

Send somebody over there.

It's on Chestnut.

I don't know where Chestnut is.

Well, look it up.

Maybe someone who's not drunk will be able to find it.

Maybe someone who's not drinking on their responsibilities on a job will be able to find it.

You think so?

You think you can do that for me, partner?

How many beers do you have today?

Sir.

How many beers do you have?

We don't have a street around here called Chestnut.

This is Chestnut Grove area.

How many beers have you had today, though?

You can keep not answering my questions and I'll keep answering it, asking it.

This is Cross.

this pipe as soon as possible school bus is going to be coming through here tomorrow well any school

buses around here no this is school bus for the private school the church school picks up local

people takes them here and there grocery shopping what town are you calling calling from chestnut

front of chestnut right now how many beers have you had tonight sir please answer my questions

this does not make sense it makes total sense to me that you're drinking alcohol and you now

things don't make sense to you of course because your inhibitions are down well right maybe tell

Tell me about Chestnut.

What's an adjacent street?

Ghosttown Road.

Chestnut.

Yes, sir.

Well, I've never heard of Chestnut, and I've lived here for like 26 years.

No, it's off of Ghosttown, 800 block.

All right.

Tell me who lives around there.

It's not a residential area.

You go back a little further, there's a server farm back there with computer machines and servers.

Right.

We have that around here.

I've never heard of that.

No, people don't talk about it, but it's here.

I don't know any of the adjacent neighbors or anything like that.

Rex is down there.

I need more description.

Rex, we're new in the area.

That's why we're trying to get the scooter out because the school bus is going to be bussing in people.

They'll go to work.

And then elderly people are going to have to come through here also to get groceries.

Are your hands shaking?

No, my hands aren't shaking.

Can you drive right now?

I'm trying to understand where you're describing.

Is it safe for you to drive right now?

Yes, it is.

How many alcoholic drinks have you had?

I've had about three.

Why?

And how long?

Four hours.

And how big a boy are you?

Yep.

Excuse me?

How big a boy are you?

I'm big enough to do my job.

I've done it for 12 years.

That doesn't answer my question, though, because I don't know how much you drink.

Do you have food tonight?

Are you law enforcement?

What are you?

No, have you had food tonight?

If you have a problem, just describe it.

I'm trying to entrap you.

I'll do my job.

I'm going to try to entrap you.

Oh.

How big a boy are you?

It's in the pipe.

The water comes to the pipe, and it breaks, and the pipe broke.

Yeah.

And the water comes out of the pipe, and it goes on the ground.

It's like you're intoxicated to me.

It's inside the house.

You have a pipe broke inside a house?

Yeah, I want you to come here and fix the toilet and fix the pipe.

Oh, yeah, that would be on the other side of a meter.

Yeah, but this is the water company.

You're supposed to come out here because this is the water we're using.

It's part of your network, and if your water has high pressure and it busted the pipe, then it's your fault.

I'm not paying to fix this.

No, that's not the law.

You don't have the law understood correctly.

Listen, first of all, I have a contract signed by you people over here that you're supposed to administer the inside pipe agreement.

That's incorrect. I'm sure of that.

Well, you better get down.

You know what? We're just not going to pay our bill. How's that sound?

Okay.

Okay, and I'm going to speak to the sheriff, because you're driving around drinking right now.

No, I'm not, actually. I'm in the walking distance of my home.

Well, how big a boy are you, then?

Well, no, I'm asking you questions.

Tell me your last name.

Valente Cross.

I'm from Valente Server Farm Association, International Business Machines.

Open your computer there for International Business Machines, and you'll see us in Chestnut, off of Ghost Town Road.

Count number?

I don't have that information. This is a new install, sir.

New construction. I can't tell you. I don't have any of that new information.

It's not new construction. I know every account.

Valente and Associates.

What's the account name under? We don't have anybody under that name.

And Tri Server Farm?

No. We only have 214 accounts.

Are you looking them up now?

Well, we can find it if we try a few combinations, I'm sure.

Do you have a computer in the city?

A computer in my city?

Uh-huh.

It's not a city, first of all.

So are you coming to fix my pipes and my toilet or what?

If I knew where it was, I would kill him.

Yeah.

Well, it sounds like there's going to be a problem tomorrow, then, when the boss hears about this.

Okay.

Who's your boss?

That's fine.

Who's your boss?

Who's my boss?

I am the boss.

Who's the owner?

There's no owner, so you don't know about this system.

Is there a man in charge of this whole thing?

I'm the one in charge.

That's who you called.

Well, you're the female.

I was wondering if there was a man, maybe, that pays the bills, you know, like in charge, does actual repair work.

Yeah.

You're talking to the right person.

No, I'm speaking a good language.

No, just because I'm from New York or something doesn't mean that you have to talk to me like that.

I'm American just like you are.

I got papers.

Well, I know you are.

You're just not.

Well.

Being confrontational is my point.

You're stupid.

What about that?

I'm stupid?

Sounds like it.

I just don't know where you're at.

You don't know how to find addresses, and you work for a water company, and you don't know what my account is?

Give me an address.

Chestnut.

12 Chestnut off of Ghost Town.

800 block of Ghost Town.

12 Chestnut.

Off of the 800 block of Ghost Town.

Broken pipe inside your building.

that's what i want you to come fix well i don't do that no all right we're responsible up until

the meter after that it's the account you work on water right i'm not a plumber wait what's the

difference so you come here you plumb work on water okay who's who's the guy back there talking

i don't need my dinner here while you explain this to me go ahead go ahead meet my dinner

go explain to me alcoholic well i said you're an alcoholic go ahead and explain to me while

I'll eat my dinner.

What's the definition of an alcoholic, sir?

A man that drinks too much.

A man that drinks while he's working.

There's a pamphlet that I saw and it asked one of the questions,

do you drink while you're at work, right?

Have you read that one?

I've been on call for 12 years, sir.

You've been drinking for 12 years?

That's all right.

Don't be afraid.

It was a 12-stroke program.

I've been on call for 12 years.

Okay.

Do you fix stuff ever or are you just on call and you get the paycheck?

Sure.

Do you pay yourself out of the till or do you actually have a payroll that you go through?

Do you enjoy calling people to harassment?

It's not harassment.

I'm asking you valid questions about the water.

So what's your name?

Tell me your name.

Valente Cross.

Where can we go with this?

It's in a ghost town around...

800 block of ghost town.

Well, I'm asking.

How many fathers do you have?

What do I have?

Fathers.

Fathers?

Yes.

What does that mean?

You know, a man that were with your mother before you were born?

Suspect fathers?

One father?

Like anybody?

What kind of question is that?

Because sometimes in these parts, the women are a little, you know, loose.

And who knows who the father is, really.

There could be a few candidates.

Yeah, you're right.

So, with you, how many do you have? Five?

Never know.

You could have some African in you. You don't even know about it.

Yeah, probably like you.

I definitely do have African. I'm half African.

African-American.

Yeah.

You never know.

You never know who you're dealing with.

That's right.

All right.

All right, buddy.

Have a good time.

All right, you too, man.

Thanks for...

Call back tomorrow.

All right, I'll talk to you at the same time or like when?

Whenever you're on the call, dude.

You're going to be on the call for the next 15 years?

I hope not.

I hope not either.

That would suck, right?

Fucking shit.

Yeah, I took a bad bath and my 401k had to withdraw money from it and everything to pay my house.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.

He hung up.

Good.

I was wondering what he was going to do.

That was a shitty prank.

Yeah, all right.

Dude, that guy was trashed.

He could barely talk.

I don't know what's going on.

Oh, there's 250 people in this house.

Boy, you think the alcoholic is.

Well, you wouldn't know.

Yeah.

11.50 p.m. winding down the show here in the next few tens of minutes.

I

don't know i don't know i got a number for somebody

named wade some kind of idea that uh nunu has oh boy let me guess what this idea entails

it entails us calling can't can't can't i guess the uk see i was gonna say he worked for atn

JTA and the UK

Am I right?

Yeah

JTA and the UK

American Telemarker Association

Hang on, something is

I want to make an announcement here

Evil already gave me these free headphones

that were really good that he used for a long time

and they just do nothing but make my head itch

Well, Evil already was being worried

I'm so

God, they're nasty

Wow

Yeah, holy crap

Oh, God, they keep itching and itching.

Oh, my God, your ears are red, dude.

Yeah, they are hot.

They're red.

They're fucking hot.

They're nasty.

They're infected.

They don't breathe at all.

I'm trying to get the cable out of here.

Dude, forget their ears.

Milkman, his ears are beet red.

Seriously.

I need red.

The tick stuff, Milkman?

The stuff you put on when you get crabs?

Yeah, for ticks.

Yeah.

Exactly.

That's what you need, man.

Yeah.

I remember your mom told me about that.

Your age, dude, you see.

You never know, he could have been wearing a bacon bra and had that thing on and had all kinds of infections.

That's right, he does wear bacon bras, bacon thongs.

Oh, shit.

All right, well, here we are, moving along.

It's starting to feel a little weak.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, here's my sunglasses.

Sunglasses back on.

Took them off for a while.

song with this uh beat come on come on all right country store and barbecue let's do it

hey big rebecca how you doing good how are you i'm good i wanted to make an order but there's a

little situation here that occurred a little bit ago and i want to get it rectified okay all right

i don't know how high in the echelon you are over there there's some kind of clique of nasty people

People over there who make little jokes when you order food.

Is that what goes on in this place?

That's not what we're about.

Well, I put the remnant...

The manager?

Yeah, that'd be nice, because I might say curse words.

I don't want to be nasty with you.

All right, here's Diana. She's the manager here.

Hold on just a second, okay?

All right.

Is this Diana? Can I help you?

Hi, Big Diana. Listen, I'm sorry if I'm going to curse.

I might get upset and yell and curse.

I just want to let you know ahead of time, okay?

I have problems with controlling my anger.

Okay, what can I help you with?

I put the leftovers inside the microwave, and I put them in for five minutes like the person told me to.

And it started smoking and firing when I was taking a shower.

When I came out, the microwave is ruined now.

It has black scorch marks.

Did you put it in with the styrofoam cups?

The person told me to put it in just like this, he said.

No, you can't put that in with a styrofoam cup or paper, because paper will catch on fire in the microwave.

You have to use microwave dishes in order to use in the microwave.

Well, I don't understand why your person told me to do something that's not supposed to be done.

Why would they do that?

They tell you how to heat it up, but they don't tell you what kind of dishes and stuff to use on it.

He said, just like this, put it in just like this, and it said five minutes, and he did the okay sign.

And so I did that.

I put 500 start, and I went in to the shower.

I took a shower.

Next thing I know, I come out, fire alarm's going off.

huh you're not you don't even put that in for five minutes and they're not with the food it's

all you're doing is warming it up right that's what i understand why this whether this person

it's blonde guy maybe no he wasn't blonde the guy that takes the orders over there you know

i'm talking about kind of tall in the barbecue or the takeaway barbecue maybe what was barbecue

one of the cutters or one of the cashiers i think it was one of the cutters i guess so the person

that makes the food?

Uh-huh.

They asked him.

Can I get your name?

This is Cross.

Who?

Cross.

Cross?

Right.

Okay, and your first name?

Valente Cross.

Huh?

Cross.

Cross is your first name?

Yeah, Lopez is my last name.

Cross Lopez.

Let's stick to that.

That's right.

And I just want to let you know

that I don't like to give up my...

Because I'm a married man

and you already have my name.

Please don't call my house

or my cell phone

because I've got a problem

with my wife

where I cheat on her

And she starts making assumptions

So I can't have women over here

With my phone number

Absolutely not

It won't

It won't be me that's calling you

It'll be our

Our general manager

That'll be calling you

It's a guy

It's not a girl

Thank God it's a man

Sir

Do you have a problem with this?

No I'm just kidding with you

What?

Okay what's the telephone number?

You got a little upset there?

Not really

You won't be the first

And won't be the last

But that's okay

Alright well

Take it easy

Well remember I told you

At the beginning

I was going to be cursing at you

And stuff so

So basically

What I need to happen here

Is I need to get someone

over here to need some whitewash on the wall and a new microwave for like a new emerson microwave

from walmart and they're not that expensive maybe 50 bucks but uh this guy's this this has to get

paid for over here well that's why i'm asking you for your telephone number because i have to have

my general manager call you well when the general manager i mean i just want agreements now like i

want to have this in place i want you i can't give i can't do any of that right now my general

manager has to take care of it we're not allowed to do something like that but your general manager

should be able to bring in you know just bring it to my house the microwave and a can of paint

okay he has to be able to call you because we have he has to talk to you and get information

from you if we can't get a number from you and call you or anything then it's gonna be kind of

hard for us to get any information from you okay you ready yeah that's right and what's the best

time to call you 24 hours a day as long as put down i need you to write down that needs to be a

man okay and i want them to meet me there's a taco bell around here right they're not going

to meet you anywhere sir they have to call you no but i want them to meet me um with the microwave

they're not going to be able to meet you or take anything to you until they speak to you first but

afterwards after i want you to write down that i want them to meet me at the taco bell okay when

he calls you and speaks to you then y'all can talk about that okay i can't make any deals and i can't

tell you he should be there because he has to talk to you maybe you could smooth help me out

for a little bit

and just smooth this over, though.

Huh?

Can you put down that some...

He has to call you.

Can you put down also this...

What was your name?

Diana.

Can you put down that some...

Diana, can you do me a favor?

Can you put down that there was a person there

who was really rude to me also?

He was rude to you?

Yeah.

Okay.

What time was that day that you came in?

Earlier today.

Maybe, like, an hour or so ago.

So you came in about 9 o'clock?

Yeah, about that.

But I want you to put down

that this person was rude to me.

Well, we need to know

more or less in the time

that you came in

and the time frame that you came in

so that way we can look it up on the DVR.

Okay, it was Diana was rude to me.

Just put that down.

Okay.

Okay, that Diana was rude.

Do you know what time you came in

and the barber came in?

Hey, listen.

I'm saying that you were being rude to me

to write it down.

Why are you just glossing over it?

What's the matter with you?

If you can't answer my questions,

then I'm just going to hang up.

What?

Hang up.

Jesus, God.

Tired.

We've had one good prank tonight

and all the other ones have been like...

I do that all the time now

I got home today and I turned off the car

And I left my window open

And I yelled really loud

And my neighbor was outside

And he heard me doing it

He looked at me like I was crazy

You're going to develop that as actual tech

I do the work all the time

You're going to actually

Start doing that

That reminds me, you remember what happened to me about two years ago

Where I put the person on mute and went

Yeah

I didn't put him on mute

well it happened to me saturday um at work but i went i did i went to put them on mute and went

like that you know because i was frustrated with that and i didn't put them on mute and they heard

me they're like hello it didn't get crowd of hand like the last time but they're like hello i was

like oh yeah i just you know i glossed it over like you know so it was a weird noise but i keep

doing that athena tells me to stop doing it because i'm gonna get in trouble for doing it

one day he almost did right there yeah that was it yeah he was right crazy bitch was right

hang on i got an extra merc open merc close my extra mirc merc is that what you use on what do

you use on a mac for irc is it merc i use uh uh what's it called fucking macro uh x chat aqua

ah fancy not really because it's dead because it won't connect your chat room won't connect

oh sorry man i don't know why i'm sorry buddy so how are you connecting now on the website

website yeah i'm looking here at um repeat they're gonna replay the magic game why did i do that

anyway um moving along it's midnight sharp i'm thinking it might be time to just burn through

these numbers here and call out a night because we do nothing special here it's been an off mood

But still doing my thing

Alright, Meyer Food Mart

Let's call them

Let's get out of here

Earn our paycheck

Thank you everyone for listening to Madhouse Radio

MadhouseLive.com

Madhouse, Madhouse, Madhouse

Enter the phone

Who are you calling?

Hello

Who are you calling?

I don't know, they hung up

Bastards

Hello

Someone's there

Yeah, here's someone

Might be Milkman

Hello

Milkman's touching

No, there's two things

No, he's gone now

He's plucking his butthole

Oh, that Milkman

Oh, that's silly.

What's with the music?

Any second now?

There we go.

All right, moving right along.

Next number of the night here.

Who we got?

We got the drive-thru.

Really?

This thing still exists.

What's up?

Isn't there only like a handful of drive-thrus left in America?

Isn't it like 20-something now or something?

What do you mean?

Drive-thru restaurants?

No.

Movie theaters.

Oh, drive-ins.

Drive-ins.

Oh, so I'm confusing things.

All right.

Yeah.

Well, I should confuse this call and tell them that I went expecting a movie.

We had one here in Orlando for the longest.

They used to say, oh, it's one of only 20 left in the country.

And then a hurricane came through and destroyed a screen.

That was it.

Yeah, hi, is this the drive-thru?

Yes, sir.

Listen, I went there expecting a movie, and I got some stupid jerk over there talking to me mess

and came out and rolled up his sleeves, said he was going to throw dirt in my car.

What's that about?

I think you got the wrong place, sir.

This is Urbana's drive-thru.

Yes, sir.

We don't give movies out.

No, it's to watch a movie where you go through the drive-thru and you park and you watch a movie.

No, sir.

Well, I went there for that and the guy got rude with me.

Who was that kid that's over there acting like that, like he owns the place?

I think you're calling the wrong place, sir.

This is a drive-thru.

Didn't I just say, damn it, that that's the place I was calling?

Do you remember that part?

Damn it.

I'm just in an ornery mood.

That's all it is.

I don't want to get angry about the election.

I'm just so angry and fed up.

I'm going to move to Canada.

Look, man.

Tuscan, stay down here.

Dude, let's go, man.

Does that do?

Go ahead, Milkman.

Take it away.

Hello?

Hey, Token, he's going to hook us up.

I want a large order delivered immediately.

Ah, they hung up.

All right, let's call Wade Wallace.

I don't know what to do.

Milkman, you want to do a prank call?

You haven't done a prank call in a coon's age.

You always talk all nice to them.

Go ahead, dude.

You're the expert, man.

I'm going to be right here to back you up.

I just don't want to do pranks tonight.

I think that's all I want to do.

I don't want to.

Where's Reckler?

Dude, you get me on there in about three minutes.

I ain't got it.

Red Road, Red Road, bail us out.

Red Road, Georgia Power.

Good point, Mikey129.

He gets a point.

He's coming up with the obscure references.

That was Georgia Power.

Georgia Power.

Hello, you've reached five.

Aha.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Tuck, what's the dad's phone number?

I just want to hear his voicemail.

We're either on the phone or the internet is down

Or we are

Oh god, I don't know where it is now, shit

Hang on

Did I write it down here?

Noon is telling me to do the joke about the problem with part-time queer

But I don't remember that at all

What's that about? What am I supposed to do?

Hurry up, I got one number left

Hang on, I'm putting your, uh

Putting your Google to search for a J

A J one

I can send you a message from in here

Okay

this is a bunch of weird shit either the phone is down or the internet is down

he's just not so upset about the whole thing i'm so angry you could not call me

all day he usually calls me up just once a day i used to call milkman like that

randomly yeah you think about your homework

work that's what he's up to he calls me now he's bitches about his homework like i give a fuck

about his fucking homework it's electronic hello we're not home right now or the internet's down

or leave your message thank you record your message at the tone press feel better or stop

talking to end the recording hey dad how many fathers you got you didn't call me that you

asshole you did that's the last thing you heard what the hell was that you heard my scooby-doo

do live there who's that wow all right so new news says do the prank part-time probably part-time

queer the video clip of those old people i sent you we talked about it yesterday uh his line's

still on you expect you to remember that long i know right his phone never hung up yeah i hung

that up now yeah well you can see that that's pretty cool awesome yeah i can see yeah i got

got one number left adrian dale booty all right uh i gotta try to find uh the con the new new

send me a link to the yahoo i'll just play it that the yahoo the youtube there's no beauty

like the booty send me a link to that youtube video so i can watch it here because i don't

know i don't remember it at all sorry just forgot it lost it i'm gonna play a song here we'll come

back to probably do one or two more prank calls and we leave looks like a queer sounds like

all right i'll just do it and we're out of here last call of the night right here i'm

i'm calling it adrian dale booty don't don't sound beauty hello is this uh adrian booty yeah

yes it is well that's an interesting name there's no beauty like the booty who are you buddy i'm

cross and i'm just i'm curious because i mean the name sounds queer it must be queer right

i am you are okay are you yeah where you live in venom uh-huh how old are you 28 you're top or

bottom i was just gonna ask you the same thing i'm versatile i am too that's good where do you

go with this what do you get into you like pain no i don't like pain okay well i fisted

anal fisting i didn't understand you anal fisting you like that a little bit okay what do you like

i want you to bend over and keep and act like you're stuttering you know like going

like that stick your big dick up my ass yeah well i'm gonna i'm gonna fist you yeah but all i'm gonna

punch you really hard in the ass hold on a minute all right okay yeah so i'm gonna punch you in the

face and ass why you gonna punch me in the face baby face and ass because i want to make you look

pretty like a pretty girl i'm too old for you anyway oh that's fine i dig old man that's cool

where do you live in denham i live on chestnut 12 chestnut i don't know where that is really

I don't know.

You want to meet at the Taco Bell?

When?

How soon can you be there?

You got to take a shower?

Oh, no.

I can't do it tonight.

No, do it tonight.

Come on.

Please.

I can't, baby.

I'll give you drugs.

I don't need any drugs.

You like drugs?

You have marijuana?

No.

You don't smoke drugs?

Nope.

You like cash, money, jewelry?

Well, I'll take some cash money.

All right.

I'll give you some cash money, then.

How did you get my number?

It was on the forums, the gay forums.

Gay.com?

Yep.

What's your name, baby?

Cross.

Cross?

Yeah, Big Cross.

What's your first name?

Just Cross. My name's Cross. People call me Cross.

You sound like you're a sweet guy.

Hey, thanks, man. I'm actually a little salty.

Huh?

I'm actually a little salty.

Why are you salty, baby?

Because I sweat. Would you wear a sweatsuit for me?

How tall are you?

About six foot one.

I'm six two.

Fuck yeah. How big's them cocks?

box uh i've got about when it gets hard it's thick uh six inches i like to you know you like

a good kick in the balls you like to kick my balls you can kick me in the balls and then

i've got a ford explorer got a what a ford explorer that i drive okay and then um like i

have this fantasy where i'll be in the back seat you'll be driving the ford explorer and what are

you going to be doing in the back seat jacking off yeah and then we're gonna we'll get to the

the taco bell and then uh we'll see a man there and we'll you'll call him over and ask for

directions directions to where not to the post office or something and then i'm going to come

out of the side door of the van and i'm going to grab him and pull him inside the van then we drive

off and what we're going to do with it we'll fuck him and we'll go in the van and we'll um put

gasoline on the van and light it on fire while we're driving it i don't get into all that man

no it's just a fantasy it's just for fun never try nothing like that like you know

No.

Oh.

Do you have any Halloween candy?

Uh, no.

Not a bit.

Any candy corn?

You like some of that candy corn?

Yeah.

Yeah?

That's cool.

You like salad?

Yeah.

Yeah?

That's good.

What are you doing now?

Playing on my dick.

Oh, man.

Yeah?

Why don't you slap it on the phone?

Put it down there.

Hey, go to the bathroom.

I have a bad cough.

Hey, go to the bathroom.

Sit in the toilet.

Why?

I want you to go to the bathroom.

Sit in the toilet.

Jack off.

I'm jacking off right now, baby.

sit on the toilet why because i like it i want you to come suck my dick sit on the toilet first

and then i'll come are you sitting in it yet or not yes prove it flush the toilet let me hear it

i'm not in there i'm laying in my bed well i thought wait a minute now you're lying to me

i did go to the toilet right now i just don't want to get up get up motherfucker i don't want

to get up you fucking asshole get up and go to the toilet right now you bitch come suck my goddamn

damn dick i will as long as you go to the toilet right now i promise i will no you won't yeah i

will promise i swear no you won't i swear in the bible but you don't know where i live you give me

the address letters go to the toilet man when where do i live i'll get the address from you

later go to the toilet this phone won't reach that far just go there anyway and do what and

take a shit i just shit a few minutes ago well we'll keep pushing like you're gonna you know

you live by yourself yep where you from i'm from new york originally what are you doing down here

man i'm a contractor i'm a safety inspector you ought to see a lot of dicks doing that huh

no not really you'd be surprised you go to the toilet yet yeah all right flush the toilet let

me hear you flush it i can't because you're a fucking liar you're a fucking liar hey bitch

i'm not a fucking liar you're a fucking lying piece of shit what are you in a wheelchair is

I'm lying down.

You're in a wheelchair.

You're in a wheelchair, and you can't even get out of the wheelchair.

A minute.

Oh, yes, I can, too.

Well, get out, then.

If you can do it, why don't you do it?

Wait till I go to therapy tomorrow.

See those hot guys.

Yeah?

They going to touch you?

Huh?

They going to touch you?

Uh, they have.

Milkman, take over.

Huh?

I'm going to put my boyfriend on the line.

Milkman.

They call him the Milkman.

He has a lot of milk.

Milkman.

Hey, baby.

How you doing?

I'm doing fine.

How are you, baby?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you're sounding really hot tonight.

I am hot.

But you a power bottom, are you?

Oh, I'm versatile. I go either way.

Whoa, that's what I'm talking about.

Sit down.

Yeah.

Now, where are you from?

How old are you, girlfriend?

Huh?

How old are you, girlfriend?

How old am I?

Yeah.

68.

68? Oh, hell.

So you know how to do it right.

Yep.

Go, girlfriend.

Well, me and my boy, we're going to have to come over and meet with you.

Can you go to the bathroom there and do a cock on me?

My phone won't reach in there.

Well, I'll do a real big loud one so we can hear it because that makes my boy so hot.

Makes him hot.

Yeah.

Dan Croft loves that.

Is that bitch good looking?

Oh, hell.

He makes your mouth water.

He makes my eyes water when I look at him because I'm just crying so happy.

I look like a young Chris Farley.

Uh-uh.

Like that?

I like that.

All right.

He's got the moves on.

You've got to see him shake, and he busts that jacket like the hell.

Oh, my God.

I just melt.

What's he doing now?

I'm just sitting here getting ready for you to go to the bucket.

We want to hear you go cocky.

That's how my boy will get hot.

You're getting started up so we can meet up with you.

Yeah, definitely.

You've got to go and use the shitter real quick.

Come on, baby.

This kid is gone.

Look, sir, we just want you to take a shit on the phone, okay?

Can't you do that for us?

Hold on.

Are you dying?

Terrible cough.

You got a tobacco cough?

Nope.

You do some jumping jacks?

Oh, yeah.

All right, do them.

No.

Why not?

We like that.

I don't want to.

The milkman likes that.

He likes to watch men do jumping jacks naked.

I want you bitches to come suck my dick.

We're going to go there.

We're going to put you in the van.

You don't know where I live.

Well, you're going to give us the address, and we're going to put you in the van.

Of course you don't, kid.

Huh?

We're going to put you in the van.

Why are you going to do that to me, baby?

Well, you know, milkman, you like the van, right?

You like doing stuff in the van?

Yeah.

Oh, girlfriend, that's what I'm talking about.

We can get rolling around that van there.

You're on Lakeshore, right?

We know where you're going.

Yeah.

That's right.

We know where you live.

We're coming in a van.

Come on, baby.

Pervert van.

I'll make you coffee.

All right.

Are you going to be serious or not?

I'm going to hang up the phone if you're not serious.

Tell me the truth now.

When are you coming?

In a few minutes.

But you got to, you know, you got to promise us you're going to go in the toilet.

I will.

All right.

You going to shit for us?

Yeah.

Okay.

And you're going to eat it out of the bowl like a dog?

Do what?

We're going to make you eat it out of the bowl like a dog.

Uh-oh.

And then we're going to punch you in the ass and face.

No.

No, I don't think so.

Yeah.

I'm going to punch you and kick you.

No.

Yeah, I am.

Then we're going to...

Do you have a TV?

Yeah.

Not bad.

How big?

Was it a flat screen or a regular TV?

It's...

I got one flat screen and one larger regular TV.

All right, we're going to take them both and put it in the van and take it with us also.

It's just a fantasy we have.

We're going to do it tonight.

We're going to take your TV and you're going to shit in the toilet bowl and eat it.

No, I'm not going to do that, baby.

Huh?

I'm not going to eat my shit.

Oh, well, we'll take your TV then.

No, you're not.

Yeah, I am.

My dogs eat you up.

Oh, you got dogs there.

Yeah.

You ever masturbate the dogs?

Oh, my.

Huh?

You ever masturbate the dogs?

Nope.

Well, they might want it, you know.

You got to ask them.

Ask them real nice.

I jacked off on one of them.

You jacked off on one of your dogs?

And he licks my dick.

Oh, he likes it?

Woo-hoo!

He loves it.

Wow.

How often do you do that?

Hey, baby, Todd just got here.

He loves that stuff.

I'm going to put Tuggy on, okay?

Put who on?

Big Tug.

All right.

I like the meat.

Huh?

I like the meat.

I got plenty of meat, baby.

I like some brother meat.

You like to fuck?

I like the meat.

You like to suck that meat?

No.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, hey, man.

Listen, man, you want to see pictures of us?

I do.

All right, you got a computer?

Yeah.

Go on it right now.

I'll tell you where.

Hold on, okay?

All right, baby.

there's no beauty like the booty hang on what's funny huh what's so funny i'm getting too hot

let me go get on my computer all right big guy oh all right what's the plan we're gonna send

him to the chat room i'm gonna send him to the chat room hang it on in before probably the last

call tonight i can confirm that as a matter of fact if this one will end that is how long you

think it's gonna take his computer to start up um 10 minutes he's gonna just have a g3

From 1999

He's got a lot of gay pop-ups

Gay porn pop-ups

He's got a penny and two

He's got dialers on there, Milkman

He's got Windows 95 on it

Gay porn pop-ups

Send him to Meat Spin

Maybe he hasn't seen that

We should help him out with Meat Spin

Meat Spin

Tub Girl

Send him to Tub Girl to Meat Spin

Okay, bitch, what am I supposed to do?

Alright, you want to go to tubgirl.com

Tubgirl.com?

Tub

T-U-B

Okay, hold on

Remember how we said we like it in the bathroom?

Yeah

Yeah, to take home.

Okay.

Tugirl.com.

All right.

Then what?

It should take you to the site.

Huh?

What does that show you?

It's got Tugirl, all about Tugirl, Tugirl on site.

Does it show the Tugirl or not?

No, it doesn't.

Because when does it not show the Tugirl?

I have no idea.

Did you not spell it right?

T-U-B.

Yeah.

Girl.

G-I-R-L.

Yeah.

Dot com.

Yeah, and what happened?

Nothing?

Nothing.

Go to meatspin.com.

What do you got?

Explorer.

You got Internet 5?

What do you got?

Which blue E you got?

Which one?

What do I got?

Yeah.

It's a bunch of toys.

Oh, God.

I don't even talk about that, but okay.

Seriously, I can't get you to TupperGirl.com?

Is that working for you?

Try this.

You ready?

Hello, old man?

Meat man.

Sir.

Where'd he go?

Hello, sir.

Hang on.

My Skype's frozen now.

Ah.

Yeah.

Is it LemonParty.com?

Noonoo?

Is that what it is?

Tell me.

I'll call him back.

7-Eleven party, don't worry.

Tubgirl would have been great.

Tubgirlsgone.org?

It's tubgirl.org, no wonder.

My Skype's frozen.

Oh, shit.

I can't do anything.

Everything's frozen.

Maybe it's because I went to Tubgirl.

I'm gonna tell you what to do.

Tuck, Milkman, you still there?

But who's taking care of you?

Now, baby doll, you the type to make men drink.

Wash it away, let your shiny brass tacks sink.

Your broken skin, lost consciousness.

Your room dim, little toy with boys who act dim with it.

School day crush, got puppy love hush.

You got a way with words.

You talk too much, I'm just playing.

Yeah, I don't know.

I know I went to the site once.

That was it.

Yeah, it's tubgirl.ca

Nice

Sexy

Hello

Alright, got your back

I don't know, my Skype just all froze

So, let me get milk

Yeah, tubgirl wasn't coming up either on my end

So, I don't know

RBCP knows, because he's into that stuff

Well, RBCP, tell us where to go

No, I mean, come on.

.ca, .ca, .ca.

.uk, .co or something like that.

Yeah, .e-u-r-u.

Hey, hey, hey.

All right, we got you back.

We had a freeze.

Hi, girlfriend.

We had a freeze down there.

All right, let's try to call the queer guy back.

See if we can get him over to the right side.

He's gone.

Yeah, I know, he's gone.

He ain't gone.

He knows.

I know.

This will be the last call of the night.

See if we can get him to Matt's live chat.

Busy?

the phone's busy i was on his dial-up now ah it's busy shit yeah it's ringing busy oh well

never mind close but once again no save that number for next week yeah definitely yeah

definitely save that one there all right rmcb goes to the directness computer full of sexy

pictures ah go to there's tons of sites out there anyway milkman take us out of here bro we're done

that's it

sir yes sir

that's right

one more full

installment

the crazy

style is right

here in the

madhouse

I'd like to

thank all our

friends over

here at

98.6 the

mouth for

joining in

our numbers

hit man

what will we

do without

him the

number one

man with

the gun

the finger

on the

pulse of

the numbers

out there

all our

fun people

out there

thank you so

much

sir

that's right

our representative

out of the

UK

we love you

RBCP

thank you so

much for

having us

around

Mr. Tug, TuggerMike.com

That's right, our good buddy Tug

Thank you so much

Chili Beans, welcome back

Once again, Mikey129 with the gold star

MSC3 Clay

Sean Norcow, author of Gold Star Tonight

Very good, thank you for having us

and coming along

I'm really just stretching on the Google search

Good thing I didn't go to it

I'm just tempting

Thanks, Grishnow

Pure Evil Wasted

Thank you so much for joining us

It's right here at 98.6 The Mouth.

We love you all.

Every week we provide the most interactive show that you can reach right here on the Internet

of comedy, technology, talk, bullshit, and fun.

All we do is we ask that you give us the time because we're going to drop the dime.

We just bring your friends, bring your enemies, better yet, and we'll all have some fun.

We'd love to have you.

Also, don't forget to check out our podcast and our Facebook sites.

But nonetheless, how can we do it without our fearless leader of the militia, of the madhouse, El Generalissimo himself, the man with the funky hat and the funky chimes, Carlito Hermannito.

Thank you, my brother.

We love you, man.

Over to you, big guy.

Thank you, big milkman.

Are you playing funky chimes for In the City of Clay?

Oh, yeah.

That's the new outro.

I guess play it no matter what, baby.

Don't worry, white boy.

All right, everybody, just extend a push.

I can't hear the music, so I'm asking.

Yeah, that's true.

I want to send a personal thanks to

Milkman, Tuck,

Tuckermike.com is the site.

Lonesome Loser, thank you,

Nunu, for sending in numbers. Brendan sent in

some numbers. Everyone has sent in numbers.

All you fuckers.

We'll be back next week, next Wednesday.

I'm going to aim for same time,

same bat time, same bat

channel, and we'll be back, and we'll do pranks.

Hopefully of a different caliber.

Not necessarily, not that it has to be

a better caliber but just a different caliber all right thank you everybody madhouse.com is the site

cactiradio.org.com oh fuck i just keep missing i keep messing up my top level domains

dld look it up google it okay recording the microphone before we go it's a good one

and i forgot to record the video fuck did you realize yep it's gone forever

We just came through to check y'all niggas, you know what I'm saying, to show some love.

Us niggas don't know how long we gonna be here, feel me?

So enjoy this shit and enjoy yourselves, and then we outta here.

Just hit me.

Calls (19, 1 h 7 min of 2 h 15 min)

Transcript

Comments 0