You Son-of-a-bitch

What are you talking?

First you said coffee, now you said you don't wash.

I say I never, I never today use the washroom.

And you say you use the washroom and you touch the cup.

Now you said you.

What are you talking about?

You cocksucker son of a bitch.

Who the fuck is this?

Motherfucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Everybody, Madhouse Radio back.

Good evening.

Nah, fuck.

Good evening, you fucks.

Quoting Yoko the Clown.

I haven't heard about Yoko the Clown in a coon's age.

Tuck's here.

We're trying to connect Milkman in here.

Milkman, he was at the store last time I talked to him.

And as usual, he doesn't pick up the phone because he's old and senile and stupid.

Numbers are too small, man.

I don't know what's number nine and number two, green button.

Ken, is it a bright shirt?

I might change in a break.

Hello?

What's up?

Milkman, how you doing, man?

So, kiss way, kiss way.

Que paso, que paso?

What's up? How's it going?

Oh, it's good, it's good.

Oh, my brother.

All right, my brother.

Milkman is here.

Milkman, are you on the road now?

Where did you get?

Did you just get out of Sam's Club?

Well, no, actually, I just got by recovery there and heading home now.

I'm going to stop and get a beer on the way.

Done with physical therapy.

Cool.

PT done for the day.

PT for Milkman three times a week, Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays after work.

And he's just getting out of physical therapy.

Of course, I was saying before, I hope Tuck's still here.

Tuck, is your connection working?

Tuck, I think Tuck had another phone call coming in.

It was probably to Dad.

Dad usually just calls him in the middle of the night, rambles on drunk.

Dad's probably drinking.

Probably had a big test, so he's getting drunk for it.

Tonight, we're on the extended Madhouse Radio Network, of course, as always.

As I mean.

Hey, Tuck.

Who was that calling?

Was that the Dad again?

No, no, no.

It's personal business.

Uh-oh.

Watch out.

The mistress is calling.

Stop rising on the plantation

I mean no

I mean

It's alright

They're calling in for phone sex

And we're not allowed to know about it

Alright everybody

That's Tuck

Tuckermike.com

He's got a personal phone call site

At his website

Oh yeah

It's personal

Just keep it personal

Every there

He's not a member of the team apparently

Because I talk about Milkman right

Didn't I tell you the other day

You cannot call me

i had a bad call i don't know i don't care who calls you we're not judging that's fine

yes you are when you're comfortable when you're comfortable telling us when you think we're

friends and when you when you really love this show like you know the listeners do

talk and you want to be on board i know they hate me but they love you you tell us what your

problems are and your personal stuff that makes you uncomfortable to talk about i want to hear

about that not now i'm not putting on a spot now i'm just saying at some point right um caesar's

gonna you know you're gonna have to render into caesar caesar's gonna have to text i might get

another phone call here in about five minutes i'll have to go again so hopefully you win

is milkman here now yeah yeah he's here okay good then y'all can sort of yeah

carry the show on the phone please yeah we've been working on tapping your tapping your phone

is uh the next project we're gonna be doing here okay everyone we're going back let me know how

$1,000 Madhouse Dollars

for any of those

who successfully taps Tuck's

cell phone.

My cell phone.

You're going to have cell phones over there.

Alright. I'm just messing with you, Tuck.

Don't take me. I'm just having a, you know.

You know me.

You're in the mood.

Very excited. I'm watching

the Magic game and we're winning

94-69.

Oh, look at you.

Positive vibes.

94-69, sir

You have 7 minutes left in the fourth, just about

Alright, good, that's your magic score

Fuck the Suns

What's his face? Kevin Nash is on the bench

And he looks like fucking

Do you remember when Phil Hartman used to do

Prehistoric Lawyer Man or something like that?

You know, like some caveman who was a lawyer

And he looks just like that

In a suit

He's got long hair, looks like a prehistoric fucking lawyer

Whatever Phil Hartman used to do on SNL

Back in the 90s

that a lot your cars scare me oh my your rules scare me yeah it was something like that yeah

dude rest in peace phil hartman the great phil hartman yeah uh milkman you should go out to the

phil man uh you should go out to the place phil hartman died man he uh it was there in california

you should go there one day milkman and and call us from there it's gone we'll do a segment

milkman's gone is he oh he's driving around you know mr milkman mr milkman's gone milkman

all right we got numbers coming in from brendan here i can lose pizza pub in illinois i thought

it was jewish the whole time for five years kate's pub and grill we're talking about jewish

look at me hello samoan yeah all right that's weird you just like traded out dude yeah it's

because you're on the cell phone you went you went out you went you went gone man i probably

got some kind of you got some kind of chemical imbalance where phones was like we let off some

weird um i don't know off polarization there you're missing zinc or something milkman i don't

know what i think it's a anti-circular polarization whenever milkman bites down on his teeth really

hard phone calls hello hello see it's doing it again he's getting angry this is you're in the

bathroom now he's taking a shit in the toilet now everybody yeah nice thank you everybody get ready

and pull my finger all right let's focus all right let's not be stupid all of you both

Wait a minute, we're supposed to be stupid.

We're supposed to be in focus.

It's a prank call show, correct?

We got things on the big board here we got to do tonight.

All right?

And we got sponsors to talk about.

Oh, God, sponsors.

We got sponsors.

The first hour of the show is brought to you by the Ackle Brand Paperclip Company.

And please call in and mention offer number.

I drink Ackle Brand Paperclips every day at breakfast.

And make sure to mention when you call.

That's acco.com.

And make sure to mention offer code number 72380, and you'll get 15% off your order and free shipping.

Wow!

Number 72380, make sure to mention that.

Akko.com.

We've got numbers for Ak and Lou's Pizza Pub, as I said before.

We've got the O'Gara Bar and Grill.

Did we have the sit-go that we called last week?

Who was that?

Someone sent in a sit-go last week.

Let me open up the form right there, the Request a Prank form.

Oh, that was Mikey.

Piss Chug.

Was it Mikey?

Was it Piss Chug?

Who was it?

Who did you go to piss?

I think it was Mikey.

Mikey 129, maybe.

Resend that to me, Mikey.

Yeah, because that lady just...

There's a request for Frank.

Yeah, if I remember correctly, she just went off on me, like, for the moment I talked to her.

What did I talk to her about?

I don't remember.

What did I say?

And she was, like, instantly, like, did I say you Americans?

She didn't like the fact that you thought she was Jewish, and she said she was black and white and all this stuff, and we went off about it.

I said Jews out of Pakistan.

Did she say she was mixed race?

She's mulatto, right?

right and she said it like really i'm a lot of she said it like that laura schlesinger kind of

she was like what was like he's like i got your number yeah and i remember you i got your number

forgot her name her name was crystal was it right something like that we got to call her back but i

don't remember i haven't edited that show yet so i don't know oh yeah you were calling set you were

calling like some arabian country or something and she was in your and she's like i'm american

I was saying Jews out of Palestine.

That's the first thing I said to her.

She just went off on fire.

That's what I want.

Anyway, Nunu has been talking for a few weeks now.

He noticed that there was a new kind of an anniversary coming around.

200 years, apparently.

You know the standard kind of prank call where you call for someone to get a pizza?

For a lot of people, it's like the first prank call they ever do.

oh the uh you know the prince alfred the uh bart simpson style no not like that but just just like

you know the kind of prank call where you where you call like a limo jen stewart used to do this

a lot jen stewart would call a limo for you know some place and the limo would go out or you call

him jen stewart had a thing where he would call like up to a whole fuckload of people

you know and we all go to a hotel usually or something like that and i think one time it

was a fist fight because of it because he sent like a third taxi at some point you know some

It was like 20-some cabs to a hotel, and they were calling the hotel, and calling the cabs, and they got really hot.

Right.

Anyway, it's known as the Burner Street Hoax, and 200 years ago this week was the actual first time that that occurred.

So it was back in the 1800s or something like that.

Someone was calling cabs back then.

Well, they weren't really cabs.

It was more like chimney sweepers and piano makers.

anyway so it's called the burner street hoax and it was in uh west westminster london in 1810

and some guy named hoke or hook i'm sorry some guy named hook made a bet with his friend sam

something i don't know and uh they uh they just wanted to pick a random address and make it the

most famous he said he could make it the most he could make any random address the most famous in

britain for a day right you know they whatever sum of money for it so he he wrote 4 000 letters

In the name of a woman

Miss Tottenham

Who lived at this address

In Burner Street

In London

Uh huh

And

On the 27th

So we're

Close to the 8th

But next month

Next week we're gonna be

Doing a Thanksgiving show

So I figure we can

Like you know

Celebrate it now

But uh

On the 27th

There was a maid

Who was summoned

And this woman

Like opened the door

You know

She lives on Burner Street

And she's like

I didn't ask for a maid

And then uh

A chimney sweeper

And then two other

Chimney sweepers

And then 12 other people came, you know, 12 other chimney supers all showed up this morning.

And it went on to the point where there were large wedding cakes being delivered, large deliveries of coal, shoemakers, a dozen pianos.

You made an event out of it.

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah.

Six men brought down a piano.

And then the governor of the Bank of England made an appearance.

and the duke of york the archbishop of canterbury and and the lord mayor of the city of london

who i was looking this up on wikipedia and i clicked on the lord jesus christ apparently in

england there's some dude who's uh who lives in london is the lord right honorable lord mayor of

london is his legal title and he's basically the mayor of the city of london but he like they

prance him around once a year in some parade and he's all like like he's the i'm the lord

I'm the Lord Mayor of the City of London, so...

I'm the Lord Mayor of the City of London.

Look at me.

And he's actually...

He's elected in, and they treat him like he's royalty,

but he really isn't.

It's like they're giving him...

I gotta go.

Be back later.

All right, go take care of that abortion plan.

Good luck with that, buddy.

Anyway.

So, to mark the...

To mark it,

at the same address nowadays,

it's no longer a residence of the Tittenbaum.

You know, it's actually a fucking hotel.

So, we're talking about going ahead and giving them a call

and fucking around with them

since the 200th anniversary.

I think that's appropriate.

We also got a prank call here we're going to play in a little bit that Baz edited.

I want to thank Baz very much for helping edit it with some prank calls.

He did two of them.

On the break, we're going to be playing Yellow Nextels,

which is one where I get into an argument with a guy because they're tapping into our Yellow Nextels

and messing up my construction company.

It's pretty good.

The woman goes off of me.

Milkman, excuse me, I don't know if you remember that or not.

And the other one is one we're going to play before the break here, maybe in a few minutes.

when I go and take care of some business out there.

That's a prank call

that actually Reklu did.

He started off with a Hispanic

kind of accent. Milkman, I know we talked

about it. It's a very good call.

We're going to play that in a little bit.

Actually, I don't know how it got missed.

Baz said, hey man, do you remember this? And I said, yeah.

I don't know why I never edited it out.

And he's like, well, I'll take care of it.

He had the older episodes

and he sent it in. So thank you, Baz.

I released it on the podcast also already.

It's called Junk Buster.

going to be playing that in a little bit it's a long prank it's 10 minutes which is keeping me

from updating it on youtube i think i'm just going to chop out part of the middle that isn't

that good basically all on my part i'm just going to make it only a reclute call um that'll make it

like maybe seven minutes long later on here i haven't had a chance to do it but i'll chop that

make it seven minutes long so i can update it uh to uh to youtube i don't know i think the limit

on youtube is 10 minutes i don't know if it's 10 or 15 i think it's 10 now i think it used to be

30 minutes or something like that i don't know that's a major call that's a that's a podcast

over there madhouse live.com of course we're on cacti radio.com um i run the server for the

rotation do you have any requests or any pranks or bits or shows that you think uh you know maybe

could be used uh be added in there if you got your own content let me know drop me a line

if you think anything should come out let me know also anything that doesn't work any errors that

are happening let me know uh that's cacti radio and of course uh phone losers and rbcp who are

together united in the um i don't know the gemini project of prank calls um yeah nothing really

going on let me check my game out 99 to 76 yeah i think we got this that's good that's two wins in

a row very good go magic it's funny because so far all the teams that have been playing the magic

at home have had to play miami the night before but for the most part they're all beating miami

who's supposed to be really awesome with lebron james and uh i don't even want to get into it

right now just a lot of hype around this team um there they go with the clown and the two thugs a

lot of teams are you know that are not expected to beat the heat or beating them then they play

orlando the next day because we're in the next nba city up from there and for the most part we ended

up we end up getting beat by them because they're like on such a rush because i actually beat the

heat we're not having a good season so far oh two versus boston on the back burner and

and they played boston twice already i don't know i've only been watching magic games so far i haven't

had time to watch anything uh national yet i take that back i did watch a game i watched a west

coast game last week uh i was out at a bar how are the miami dolphins doing how are they doing i

don't know i know dallas sucks right now i know my fantasy football team is two has only hit two

wins i'm two and seven i believe right now that sucks but you're bad piss water good for you

all right let's go ahead and move into the prank calls gonna call that place that new

Nunes talking about, that I just mentioned, historical place in the history of prank calls.

I invited Jim Stewart to call in tonight.

He didn't respond.

Maybe it was too short notice.

I don't know.

We're going to see if I can actually dial right now.

International, I may not be able to.

I think I am out of credit.

It appears that I am.

Do you buy more credit?

Well, that sucks.

Call?

Nunes didn't have multiple people calling.

Yeah, we can do that.

Yeah, totally.

We can open up the conference line and do that if we want.

This case, I'm going to have to defer to play the prank that I was talking about because

I'm going to have to buy some Skype credit real quick here.

I apologize, folks.

Please stand by.

What was that called again?

Junkbuster?

This is the plan anyway.

It was a play of this at some point early in the show.

We might as well knock it out now.

And again, a big thanks to Baz for editing this out.

With the extended holiday weekend coming up,

I think we'll have a chance to maybe finally catch it up.

We shall see.

Junkbuster, everybody.

We're right back.

Reclude.

Frank.

Junkbuster, can I help you?

Hello?

Do you know where the Los Altos Park is?

Do I know where the Los Altos Park is?

Yes.

Yes, sir, I do.

Okay, it's over on the, it's over northeast on Tulane Avenue.

Okay.

I said, sir.

You know?

Okay.

Well, where are you from, sir?

I don't know.

Are you drunk?

No, my cousin, he gave me the cell phone.

Okay, well, why don't you call your cousin and have him tell you where the Los Altos Park is?

No, I gave you the address.

You got the wrong number, my friend.

What's that?

This is in Long Beach.

You've got the wrong number.

Huh?

This is in Long Beach.

I'm not information.

Hey, listen, cocksucker.

I got a park over here.

We need the garbage picked up.

Where are you from?

We need to have trash picked up.

What are your problems?

You asked me where the Los Altos Park is.

No, I said, do you know where it is?

Because that's where I am.

I need the junk picked up from here.

Don't you understand?

You know what?

Shove your trash up your ass, fool.

Fucking wetbag.

Hey, you're an asshole.

To place a call.

To listen to your recorded call.

That was good.

What a fucking prick that guy was.

Somebody hung up on my cousin.

Yeah, that's me, man.

You call him to start trouble?

You in Long Beach, big boy?

Of course.

Your cousin's looking for trouble.

He's looking for trouble with me.

I mean, you come down here.

And he's drunk.

You're such a tough guy.

You know what?

I have his phone number, and I'm going to call the police right now

because I don't want to come out and beat the fuck out of you.

Because you're pissing me off, you motherfucker.

I'm a business.

And you want to fucking play?

I'll eat you for lunch.

You want to fucking play?

I'm going to give you...

I don't like you either.

So stick your fucking...

He called me a cocksucker, you motherfucker.

Okay?

You want to fucking play?

We'll play.

I'll fucking throw you over the border.

I'm an American.

So don't you fucking call me...

You call me one more time,

your fucking friend is going to jail.

What's that?

I don't go to jail.

I'm calling the cops and I'm giving them this number right now

that just called me

and you guys are going to get fucked

you know what

he's going to throw you over the border man

the fuck is that

throw me over the border

yes Jack

my name is Michael

one of your guys maybe

I know many times you guys give your

phones out

cell phones out to your workers

well one of your drunken Mexican guys

keeps harassing me uh tonight and his buddy about uh just a bunch of nonsense you know calling

you know about los altos park or this this or that bullshit well they do it again i'm calling

the police because you know what i don't want to i don't i don't want to get myself in trouble but

they're really pissing me off so uh you might want to check out uh what's going on and uh all right

i'll just that i'd let you know what they're up to i'll talk to you later because they push it

that they're going to push me over the edge tonight.

Bye.

Great, let's call it back.

Yes, this is Valente.

Just returning a call.

Someone left some kind of odd voicemail in our office,

emergency voicemail.

Can I help you out?

Do you have some Mexican guys that work there?

Sir, we have several Mexican gentlemen, Hispanic Americans that work for us.

Is there a problem?

Did someone mess up on a job?

What is the problem, sir?

Well, the guy just, they're calling me and his buddy, calling on an unavailable call,

and they're looking for trouble.

They're one guy calling me a cocksucker and this, this, and that.

Well, sir, first of all, I don't need to hear that type of language on my telephone machine, first of all.

Okay, let me tell you.

All right, and let me tell you something.

You're going to come in more than mine.

I'm going to call the police.

I've already, well, don't worry about it.

I've already reported you, sir.

I've already reported you, and I have you down as a violent call.

We're a drunken fool, just like them, too.

Okay?

Sir, you woke me up out of bed.

You woke me up out of bed.

Fuck yourself, asshole.

Because, you know what?

Fuck yourself.

Your number came in, and it's through you, so you better take the heat.

And if you want to fucking go, we'll go.

Where are you?

Where are you, motherfucker?

We're here in Long Beach.

We're in Long Beach.

I don't know what kind of...

You want to fucking...

Hey, hey.

Me and my friends, we'll fucking meet you right now, buddy.

Where you at?

Where do you want to meet?

Come on.

Where you at?

Well, I, I hear, yes, as a matter of fact, on Cherry Street, I'm on Cherry Street, call me one more time, call me one more time, then your number, I'm down at your door, yeah, you come down there right now, we're gonna tell you what the chief is all about.

We have a different, I have a, I hear a different story from Jose.

Jose is telling me a different story.

I hear, no, he's, he is, he's my employee.

Listen, you white motherfucker, you don't know a chick.

You sitting down and jerking off with the junkyard and all that shit.

I just want you to know.

Listen, don't you talk like that.

Don't talk like that.

Yeah, no. No, then why are you calling me, asshole?

Listen, I don't like your attitude. Now, you shut up.

Are you boss?

You shut up. You want to meet me at the park?

No, you boss, you keep calling me fucker. You want to have lunch some more?

Come on, fight me like a man.

Yeah, that's right. You're stopping me.

I mean, you're sitting there on the phone. I'm down here.

I told you where I am.

Fuck you, you fucking ass.

I told you where I am. You're such a pussy.

You're just a fucking...

You're living in your ass right now, you fucking...

I'll give you the address right now.

I'll give you your address right now.

No, leave me there, you fucker.

Okay, here it is.

You ready?

You ready for the address?

Yeah.

It's 2218.

2218.

You writing this down?

Yeah, I'm writing it.

Tulane Avenue.

What is it?

God damn it.

Tulane?

2218.

Tulane Avenue.

You know what I heard about that?

You know what I heard about it?

You guys fuck each other in the ass over there.

You're a bunch of ass fuckers.

Hey, excuse me.

That's a shitty joke.

You listen to me.

Hey, hey, hey, Junkbuster, man, you damn immigrants come in this fucking country,

start calling around threatening my workers, my hard-fucking workers with their yellow neck towels.

I'm not an immigrant, asshole.

You fucking...

Look at you.

Look at you fucking hanging with your fucking fag boy.

Go fuck yourself.

You call me again, I'm calling the cops.

When I get done with the lawsuit that I'm going to put on you, you're going to be begging...

That guy's funny, man.

That was pretty good, I mean, it's just, I don't know, fallback.

Tell him you're on PCH, Pacific Coast Highway.

Yeah, finally you answered the phone.

All right, I'm going to give you the address.

You fucking tough guy, you come down here, you stop talking shit.

Ready?

2-2-1-A.

Yeah, you...

2-2-1-A, Tulane Avenue.

No, I want to fucking shake hands with you, you half a fag.

Come on, I'm fucking tired of playing around with you.

Done with the acting, come on down here.

I'm going to lift you like a refrigerator, you motherfucker.

Oh.

And then I'm going to control you, and I'm going to stuff your ass with your fucking wetback Mexican that you're fucking,

and I'm going to slide your fucking ass up and down your head, up and down the stairs, and turn your face around coming down.

And then I'm going to kick the fucking shit out of your ass.

What stairs are you talking about?

No, it's going to be the stairs that I drag your fucking ass to.

Where?

Because you know what? You just helped me out.

There's no fucking stairs, you dipshit.

And I got to the curb.

No, what I'm saying, I'm going to drag your ass to the fucking jail stairs, okay?

The jail stairs.

I'm going to fucking drag your ass on a concrete in front of the fucking city hall, asshole, okay?

You're a fucking idiot, dude.

Just meet me at the Zadras, all right?

And then we'll talk, all right?

Then I'll beat your ass.

Then I'll beat your fucking ass.

You ready?

You got a pen, dummy?

You got a pen or you want me to text it to you?

I got the address.

Come on, take me to jail.

Are you trying to scare me tonight, badass?

A what?

Are you trying to scare me?

Let's meet at a...

No, I'm talking about meet up and we'll...

Let's meet at a bar.

Let's meet at a club.

I'm going to give you a club.

It's over here.

No, I'm going to put you in a club.

Come on.

What is the fucking game club?

We can dirtbag it out in the parking lot.

Where at?

I'm going to put you in the parking lot, man.

Over here.

It's on South Street and Paramount.

What's it called?

It's a strip club.

There's a show...

I'm not fucking meeting you at a strip club.

Are you fucking stupid?

Come on.

Oh, yeah, of course they haven't got cameras and shit out there.

That's a fucking bright idea.

That's a bright fucking idea.

Why don't you choose someplace better?

Maybe we'll meet up, okay?

Maybe we'll meet up.

You choose a better place.

And then I'm going to put your nose up against my knee.

What are you going to do, put a G-string over my face and rub it?

What are you going to, I mean, what are you going to do?

No, you already have your wetback's cock in your mouth.

But you know what?

The cops are going to be calling you, because you know what?

Now I've got two phone numbers that came in first to me.

When I got an address

Let me get this straight

You're gonna kick my ass

Plus take me to jail

Plus take me to a strip club

To place a call

Press

To take you to a strip club

Radio is live

Thursday nights

At 10pm eastern

Why don't you shut the hell up

Fuck you

Fucking penis

Yes

Be sure to visit us

Online at

MadhouseLive.com

You said my girl

Our world apparently

Takes up to 15 minutes

So I'm waiting

On my damn credits

We're gonna stick

To local then

Alright fine

Rather than wait

The credit comes through.

Oh, there's Junkbuster again.

Nice.

It's called the Sitco.

I don't know if this is the same Sitco from last week.

Fucking faggot song.

Fucking what a stupid idea to play the Beatles all night.

Hello?

Yeah?

What's that noise on the phone?

Huh?

There's a noise on the phone, a weird funky noise on the phone.

Is everything okay?

Who's this?

This is Cross.

Who's this?

Oh, this is Cross.

This is Cross.

This is Sitco.

This is Sitco Gas Station, buddy.

Eddie, what happened?

Something wrong with my food?

There's a problem with the food there, yeah,

and we're going to have to come down and make an inspection.

So I'm here to take a statement on your behalf,

whether or not you agree or disagree to the following questions.

Are you in a position where you can speak now and report on this, sir?

Excuse me?

I have an allegation here that I'm making,

and I need to get some facts and information here from you

about your papers and your information.

Okay, come on.

Are you ready for it?

I mean, do you have time now?

This might take about five minutes to ask you these questions.

Are you available now?

What kind of question do you want?

Question number one. Do you clean the surfaces after meat is cut on the surface? Yes or no?

Who is this? First tell me.

This is Cross. I'm calling with the National Association of International Business Machines and Health Inspections.

Okay. Come over here. Then we can talk. No problem.

No, no, no. We can't do this. We have to do the phone interview first.

Okay, buddy. Come here. Then we can talk.

Well, if we're going there, we're fining you $500 a day, sir, and you're not going to be allowed to sell any food or beverages at all.

Prepared or unprepared?

Okay.

Do you sell lottery tickets there?

Because you're not going to be selling them any longer if I have to go down there.

You understand?

Okay.

I'm here.

I can give you the answer.

Do you wash your hands?

Is it true you don't wash your hands?

Hello?

Excuse me?

It's true that you don't wash your hands because we have a picture of you not washing your hands

and you went to the bathroom.

You went to the bathroom there and you didn't wash your hands, and it's reported here.

Who told you I'm not going to the washroom?

I never use the washroom today.

There was a customer there who has approved.

No customer over here from last hours.

No, this is within the last few days.

How you can talk like that one?

I know I'm not going to the bathroom today.

Not today, sir.

This is within the last few days.

Last few days.

Then you can come over here and I can talk to you.

No problem.

Well, listen, we're going to take a test of your hands right there.

Shit.

All right, that's cool.

Cool.

His line's still open.

Hello, sir.

He's not saying anything to us.

All right, wait and see if we can get Milk Mannequin back up.

Sit, go.

Isn't that the Venezuelan company?

company let me turn this fucking beep off on this phone god damn it hello milkman hey hey what

happened i lost the signal man are you there yeah are you all right what the hell he sounds so

scared is someone in your house no i'm not not scared i just uh my ass was acting up jesus

scared the hell out of me like did you hear that call i'm calling him back all right don't be

scared i was trying to listen but i wasn't uh wasn't getting very much of it magic won the

the game by the way 105 to 89 tonight hello okay i think the telephone messed up here but i have

the man on the phone here who made the report and i don't know if you wanted to answer his

accusation there but he said that he saw you go to the bathroom you didn't wash your hands

i never used today bathroom okay i told you i never do okay i don't know who are you is there

another person there that uses the bathroom that is ethnic nobody inside nobody inside someone uses

Nobody uses the bathroom there, sir. How long are you there a day?

Nobody inside, right? Nobody.

So you don't use the bathroom? Do you make pee-pee outside, or where do you go?

If you don't know how, you can tell me. You go to the bathroom, you go to use the bathroom.

How you tell me? If you don't know, where's my bathroom?

Well, the man on the phone now says that he saw you, you went pee-pee in a thermos cup.

I don't have a thermos, I don't have, I don't use the bathroom. How you say that?

Well, what do you make pee-pee in?

I want to write down, what's your name, tell me.

This is Cross.

I want to report, what's your name?

This is Cross, you have a fax.

Tell me your name.

This is Cross, sir.

C-R-O-S-S.

Yes, and I'm with International.

What company do you belong?

What company?

Okay.

International Business Machines.

Machines?

International Business Machines and Health Inspections.

You got that?

I am writing everything.

Okay, good.

International machine and?

International business machines.

International, you got it?

Business, international business machines and health inspections.

Which city do you belong?

We're in Chicago, Illinois.

Hello?

Hello.

What's going on?

Are you talking to me or another person on the cell phone?

See, I'm writing that down in my report that you're answering a cell phone there too.

Hello?

I'm talking to the liar on the other side.

You're talking to who?

Liars.

The liars?

Yeah.

Who's liars?

My liars.

You're liars?

Do you have people that lie for you?

Oh, you're a lawyer.

Oh, okay.

My bad.

Handy, handy.

Handy.

He asked for a handy in payment, the lawyer.

The lawyer.

Handy is also known as a hand job.

Handy?

Uh-huh.

All right, hurry up.

I'll give you a call back again, okay, if I need.

Yes, buddy.

What happened, sir?

I don't know what happened.

You tell me now.

Okay.

Well, there was a report that you're making peepee behind the counter there,

They're in, it's like a cup you have there or something?

No, no coffee.

No coffee, but no, like, that you're making bathroom, but then you don't wash your hands, and then you make food.

What are you talking?

First you say coffee, now you said you don't wash.

I say I never, I never today use the washroom.

And you say you use the washroom, and you touch the cup.

Now you say you, what are you talking about?

I didn't say coffee, brother.

You know, I'm just trying to figure this out with you, you know, and I don't want to, you know, have to make you lose your business, okay?

I want to help you.

So help me help you.

This is in your best interest to help me out.

This is not time to help me.

It's closing time.

10 o'clock, we're going to close.

Okay, but the only problem is they're going to make it so you can't sell lottery tickets

and no food and no beverage whatsoever there if they have to come tomorrow.

We're just trying to get maybe there was a misunderstanding here.

Okay, okay.

But if you admit that you didn't wash the hands, then that's okay, and I can...

Okay, okay, buddy.

Who didn't wash the hands?

Talk to me tomorrow.

Who didn't wash their hands?

Tell me there.

Because we're going to do a test right there.

They put alcohol on your hand and they run a machine.

Okay, you can test me tomorrow, no problem.

We're going to use the hand machine.

And we're also going to...

Hey, Handy.

Handy, Handy.

Okay.

Handy.

Okay, bye.

Handy.

Bye.

Handy.

Whatever.

All right, dude.

Handy.

He turned it on.

No one uses the bathroom there.

That was Cinco Station.

Thank you very much.

We got a little bucket out front.

We got a little bucket out front that says shit can go.

Lonesome Losin' should be, uh, Lonesome Losin'.

Lonesome Losin' should be joining us here in a little bit.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Coming up on the 11 o'clock hour.

Going on about 40 minutes of show or so.

About an hour now since we started our mobilization for the night.

You can send in your request to me if you're using AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger over at Madhouse Radio.

Again, Madhouse Radio if you're using AOL, uh, excuse me, or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, madhouseatlive.com.

Be sure to tune in to The Phone Show.

It will be on next Tuesday night at midnight Eastern, 9 p.m. Pacific, only on 98.6 The Mouth and cactiradio.com and PLA.

But this is not only one place.

It's only several places, you know.

I can't even say exclusively.

Please be there.

I miss it.

And also, we are on syndicateradio.tv.

Be sure not to miss the Two White Wiggers in New York show Saturday night.

They'll be on this week with some of their black African-American friends from Uptown.

And they're going to be talking about how black people don't play defense and how they're losing everything, man.

Again, that's the White People Wigger Show on syndicateradio.tv at 10 p.m.

I don't know who they are.

These are just two wiggers.

Gordon, Todd, Mike Dix, Hollis, majority of people on syndicate.

I mean, these are just observations, what I hear.

I don't associate what syndicate really mean to me.

There's a lot of white people there at syndicate.

I don't get along well with whites.

hello and thank you for calling motel 6 if you know the room number of the guest you're calling

you may enter it at any time for directions to the hotel please press 1 for reservations press 2

for the front desk please press 3 or hold on for further assistance thank you later chucklefoot

thanks for tuning in wait what am i supposed to hit i forgot well that went well all right let's

call the london place i got the credit it finally came through just got the notification here my

my computer machine on my skype machine let's call them milkman you still there or do you hang

up again we lost tuck at some point oh can you hear me hello hello can you hear me nope can't

hear you hello oh trying to call all right that's the classic uh london tune oh there's more

basketball tonight i love thursday nights come on hotel pick up this is the hotel in burner street

street in london 200 year anniversary of the order of pizza to your uh your neighbor prank

call drinking crystal light lemonade tonight i added stevia to it they're not gonna pick up

maybe we'll try them later uh for old time's sake let's try to call junk busters and see what's up

with them or that guy i don't know his name i did find his name somewhere on google i'm gonna give

it out i'm gonna speak mexican style with him see if he gets upset hello hello yes hi is this

Is this John Buster's?

Who?

Yeah, this is John Buster.

Hello.

What can I do for you?

Yeah, look, I need to get a junk taken out.

What city?

In Long Beach.

Oh, yeah?

What do you have?

I got a Buick that needs to be taken out.

It's my neighbor's, and I want it gone.

What is it?

It's a neighbor's Buick, and I want it gone.

Do you know?

Oh, I don't haul vehicles.

No, but it's junk.

Yeah, I haul junk.

I evicted him, and he's got a lot of junk in front.

He has a car, and he's got other junk, boxes of junk.

Okay, have him call me for everything except the car.

No, no, no, I evicted him.

He's gone.

Okay.

Do you know?

Yeah, I don't.

It's going to cost you about $700, $800.

That's stupid.

Do you know?

And you're stupid.

You're stupid.

Go to jail, Dick.

Yeah.

Stupid American.

Oh, man.

That's good to revisit the guy.

hello hey buddy um i'm sorry i didn't mean that you know and all that i said i don't i didn't

mean i don't know what came over me i just want to say i'm sorry all right it's stupid

pretty pretty quick well at least i got my sorry out to him he knows it wasn't being serious

milkman your phone makes noises like plasticky noises are you mashing buttons over there while

we do the show like button mashing ones plastic noises i'm not even touching the phone

I didn't mean it

No, no, no, you're right, man

It might be me, it could be me

We're going to call that Sidgo a little later

As well as the one from last week that was sent in as a request

That was Ken, wasn't it?

I don't know

Yeah, it was Ken

Ken did, yeah

It was a request to Frank from the website, actually

Yeah, it looks like somebody, yeah

Call him your own Frank

I think somebody tried to call him

Look, man, I think someone tried to call him

anyway i'm gonna try the sanderson hotel again in burner street for nunu because he we talked

about this for a while you know and i think it's fair milkman you got any plans uh for

thanksgiving night we're gonna do a show or we're just gonna maybe take a break what do you think

uh as far as i know i'm up for a show man i think it's kind of a tradition

yeah we always uh end up doing a pretty good show that night usually sometimes we usually

start late though yeah because i think everybody's meals and all that stuff but by the time we get

it on uh we usually get quite a good uh showing turnout yeah yeah because if i start the show at

10 p.m eastern it's still seven on the west coast and um it's still a little too early some people

are still wrapping up give enough time to get home usually do a show at midnight because i don't have

to work the next day black friday last man last year black friday i had a spending spree this year

i don't have any fucking money last year i bought i bought uh two flat panel monitors man and i

i bought a laptop i took advantage of those sales and last year i noticed you didn't have to get up

at the ass crack of dawn to get any of the tech sales or anything like that they were all like

late in the day not late in the day but they were extended but the shit would ran out i tried to

this year my aim is to get a um oh jesus an external hard drive only got 300 gigs in my um

in my laptop right now you're gonna get a portable or you're gonna get a full size no i'm gonna get

a portable i'm not gonna get an electric one i mean uh one that's gonna be an external power

power source you know what i mean yeah those are better yeah well i want to get like a you know

flash one a solid state one so i don't have to carry an extra power source for it's going to be

for my laptop you know so i want to get at least a terabyte so i'm sure there's got to be a deal

on a terabyte coming up here this friday i gotta check out the websites there's websites over

everywhere out there that you know have the deals you know nice and laid out anyway keep hitting the

the cable. Stay in, bitch.

Do y'all have fries over there?

Do we have fries over here?

No.

Not here. Those are only in the West Coast.

But I hear good things at fries.

Yeah, what about Costco? Costco we do.

I used to be a Costco member now,

but now we are a Sam's Club family.

But Sam's Club,

Costco has the good deals.

Yeah, yeah, they usually got good deals.

Yeah, my in-laws have Costco.

What's on drive?

I learned a trick. If you want to

you buy something at Costco

but you don't want to buy the membership, what you do

is you go online to the website, you buy a gift

certificate. You don't have to be a member to buy a gift

certificate. You buy it for the

amount of what you're going to spend and

you just use that

same gift certificate. That's what you use.

You don't need to buy the membership. You just go and you get

the deal. That's the way around it.

I know people that do that for

tires and shit like that, laptops,

TVs. Hey, Tuck.

Oh, you're not coming back no more, huh? I'll have to call you now.

Oh, did you call me? I don't know. Let me call you. You ready?

ready i'll call you back but i got milk no no milk my sentence call hang on all right i'll call you

back all right milkman you there it's on hold oh shit screwed it up milkman yes sir sorry dial

error there hang on i gotta add someone here let me get tux in with his private conversation let's

get him here and i'm gonna try to call the british number again hello hello we're calling britain

talk hang on hey britain they didn't pick up last time maybe they will this time yeah they're

Probably a couple of birds on each other.

Can't be that late.

Morning, Sanderson.

Yeah, hi, listen.

I'm confirming I'm on my way over there for a chimney sweeping.

How many chimneys...

Are you calling Sanderson?

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

The Sanderson Hotel.

I've got you down for a chimney sweeping here.

I'm calling to confirm that.

I'm going to be there in about one hour.

And we need to have everyone turn off the chimney machines.

Everybody off.

And we need everybody out of the rooms when we get there.

We should be there in about 30 minutes.

and our work will take about 60 minutes, so

need to clear... I have to connect you to the reception

I'm afraid. Just a second, hold on.

Well, no, I'm not making reservations.

Jesus. Good morning, Sanderson.

How can I help? Yeah, hi, I'm confirming

I'm coming in for the chimney sweeping

and the gutter sweeping. I'm going to be there

in about 30 minutes. We need everyone

out of those particular units

out for 60 after we're there, so about

90 minutes total.

And how many... Sorry, what is this?

Chimney sweeping. Just one moment, please.

Please, I'll get you my manager, okay? Just one second.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Caroline?

Yes, sir. Hi. I was calling to confirm I'm coming over for the chimney sweeping,

and I should be there in about 30 minutes with my crew.

And we're going to need everyone who's in those particular units to be out for 60,

about 60 minutes total out of their spaces.

And we need to know how many units there are so we can kind of maybe get a general idea

how long until our second job.

Are you sure you've got the right hotel?

Yeah, this is the Sanderson Hotel on Burner Street.

straight yeah i wasn't given any instructions in regards to this let me get my engineer one

moment yes sir yes sir thank you i'm a lady i'm not a sir okay i got your buddy fucking michael

vick he has one good night and everyone's like oh he's back same with tim tebow tim tebow had a

good night all over florida here in the newspapers all of them lando sentinel calmness tim tebow has

arrived in the dinner for all you got two touchdowns oh big fucking day i have no clue

what you're talking about.

Of course not.

It's Mansfield.

You're talking about baseball.

Baseball.

That's the worst.

I know more about

basketball than baseball.

Baseball.

Bunch of rednecks

and immigrants

standing around.

Hi, madam?

No, I'm a sir.

Oh, right.

Okay, madam,

I don't know anything

about the chimney soup

that you're talking about.

Well, I'm still coming over,

so I need to know

how many units are there.

I don't have any.

That's the problem.

Where are your spaces at?

Who's in charge?

Let me talk to

the engineer man, please.

I just spoke to him

and he says he doesn't know anything about this.

Oh, really?

That's too bad.

Yeah.

Yeah, so now it gets you down for a late show, no cancel.

Hmm?

What was your name again?

Who did you arrange this with?

I arranged this with Cross and Volante & Associates,

international business machines,

that come down here, as we do every year in November.

So if you're telling me you're canceling this out,

then we're still sending you a bill.

I need your name.

I'm putting you down on the POS.

So what was your name again, sir?

Well, if you could give me a contact

that you actually spoke to at the hotel,

then I can look into this for you.

But if you don't give me a contact,

I don't know what you want me to do.

I don't have context on a contract that's been written for the last ten years.

I don't understand.

I'm on my way.

I don't deal with the accounting.

Those people are closed right now.

I just know I got my guys in their yellow Nextels in the car,

and we're on the way to come to do the job.

So as far as I understand, if you want to take...

And I'll have the engineer meet you.

That's fine.

Come, come.

I'll have the engineer meet you.

You don't have to be nasty with me, sir.

All right?

If you want to pick it up with the boss, whenever it is...

Listen, listen.

You can come.

I'm telling you, you can come, and you can meet with my engineer, okay?

That's what she said!

Hello?

Yes.

I'm sorry, what did you just say?

That's what she said.

All right, buddy.

Well, if you want to come by, you're more than welcome.

Okay, that doesn't work that way, though.

You understand it doesn't work that way, the way you think it does, sweetie.

All right?

Okay.

So can I talk to a man now, please?

I don't have anyone for you to speak to.

I'm the manager this evening, and I'm a woman, so sorry to disappoint you.

That's unfortunate.

Maybe that's what the problem is here.

Okay, sure.

Listen, if you want to come by, you can come by, and you can speak to my engineer then,

but if he doesn't have a telephone, you can reach him on the phone.

Well, if we come on site, what I'm letting you know, if we come on site and there's not a problem there, we're still going to charge you for this, okay?

Charge me for what?

For however many spaces.

You wouldn't even tell me how many spaces are in use there right now.

Because I don't know anything about this.

All right, we're going to put you down for 20 spaces then, and it's going to be your responsibility.

And since you're the manager in charge, I guess I'll have to find out some way what your name is.

Hello?

Yeah, listen, what's her name?

Because I'm putting her down here for not saying you're refusing to pay on the spaces.

Refuse to pay for what?

on the spaces for the chimney sweeping we got you down for refusal to pay here

because you can't just okay you can't just cancel that because you can't just

cancel when the cleaning company is on the way sir

that's not how things work here okay you don't just go around and do that

because we could have had another job today to do

okay okay we're gonna pay for it okay stupid monkey

stupid monkey okay all right that's you yeah there you go we don't have a

chimney left so it's back off okay bye-bye

what did he say at the end please translate that i don't know

Basically it was you know

What the hell was that

Alright let's continue

MSG3 plays

11-16 everybody

Manhouse Radio for

November 18th that's right

That's what my calendar and Windows

7 says next week is

Thanksgiving I hope you all got great

Plans we're going to be doing our show midnight next week

Eastern time starting

Should we start? I could probably

wing starting at 10.

Maybe just go late. We'll do one hour late.

Special Black Hour

Black Friday.

And we have fun because we call

and I've found every year more and more

businesses are open. It's easy

to find businesses that are open as every year

goes by here on Thanksgiving night.

And as a matter of fact, I believe

this year for the first time ever on Thanksgiving

Day all day,

Sears and Kmart

are both going to be open all day

on Thanksgiving.

Sears for the first time

in their history

of a hundred something years.

What does that say?

I don't know.

What does it mean?

I don't understand.

They need money.

Well, I understand

because when things were good,

I remember when things were good,

Walmart used to open

right at midnight all the time.

Well, you're right, actually,

because Walmart doesn't close

at all now, right?

Didn't we learn that last year?

I called, like,

trying to do the doorbuster

stuff at Walmart.

Like, we've been open all day.

We don't do that anymore.

They're pretty much,

yeah, they're 24 hours.

Pretty much every location

is 24 hours.

Yeah, I think the show stuff.

What's going on here?

What do you mean?

What?

The music was playing.

You can't hear it.

Horse.

Mike, you want to play?

Yes.

Yes, yes.

We're recording.

Yes, sir.

I heard some Beatles earlier.

Oh, yeah.

Somebody.

Oh, yeah.

I was going to remind you.

I hope you're recording.

I was in a Radio Shack.

Milkman might appreciate this.

Milkman, I was in a Radio Shack yesterday.

How does Radio Shack stay in business?

How are there so many Radio Shacks and how do they stay in business?

I don't know.

You know?

We're selling their branded stuff now.

Now they carry unbranded stuff.

They're not the Radio Shack or Candy brand.

Not us.

Well, they carry RCA and stuff like that.

They got cell phones.

Well, sure, they carry RCA, but everything else, you know, it's just...

RCA isn't any good anyway, right?

They're not selling exclusively Candy and Radio Shack products.

That's what they always did for decades.

And finally, somebody got smart in the 2000s and decided,

hey we'll allow the rca you know quasar whatever to sell their products there so that's the only

reason they're still in business yeah i remember they had optimus was such shit they had the

optimus was their home audio stuff and someone tried to sell me optimus once i went in like i

was like yeah i'm looking for a subwoofer like oh we got we got this optimus over here that we're

phasing out the whole optimus thing i was like wow you couldn't it was like for 10 bucks like

i don't think i'm gonna buy a subwoofer that costs 10 bucks over here in orlando there's a

a scam that goes on it's been going on for years and if they've hit me up twice um i'll be in

traffic as some guy like it'll be a van with two dudes in it and they'll be next to me in a red

light and they'll hey and i'll open my mind like yeah and like hey man uh yeah uh you want to buy

some speakers we're supposed to do this job and we got the papers right here and the guy refused

the shipment we're trying to sell it off cheap but apparently it's just a scam it's people that

they just do this in cities all over the country and they have the same story and people end up

buying the shitty speakers and they really suck they're like really low quality ones

you end up paying more than you should there's there's a lot of like kirby vacuums is another

company like why would you why would yeah why would you take someone off the street and go

okay i'll throw some speakers off you stranger that's yeah it's happened to me twice yeah

yeah it's just a huge choice they're like yeah you want to buy uh speakers like like the last

time it happened i was like no no thanks sorry no thanks uh i heard about the scam and like oh all

right the last time it happened i was it was like i was on my way to school and

i was buying i was buying gas i was a black guy and and uh a white guy and the black

like i was like the new guy or something he's like the muscle you know like for moving the

speakers or something i don't know what part he was playing it was like yeah tell him that's how

you see him here mana you say hey i bought these things last year man i want a warranty return

hold on right there right yeah i got him right here and there's another one and it's it's funny

because it was this it was this into a local radio show and they had people calling in with

these and this other one that's happened to me once before but it's happened a lot in the orlando

area there's a guy who'll go around and he's got a cooler it's like an actual freezer in the bed of

a truck and he you know stop you and he's like yeah man i got a restaurant and the power went out

and i went out of business and they're getting rid of everything so i'm selling all the meat

really cheap and they got he's got like a freezer right there and like yeah i don't think i'm going

to buy meat from a guy who's driving around with it in the back of a truck that's kind of weird

right that's one of them um there's a scam that they've hit me up about three times now where they

They come up to the gas station, and they say, hey, man, look, I'm out of gas.

I've got to drive all the way to, you know, like it's like 10 exits over on the highway, you know.

And they point at their gas, and it's like, look, there's only one bar left or whatever.

What am I going to do?

It's an emergency.

And it's always, I don't know.

I always give them like a dollar here, man.

It's whatever.

No thanks.

Anyway, that's another scam.

I know it's a scam because it happens here.

There was a guy in Orlando that was going around in a black guy and a chef's outfit,

like the chef hat and the the white gown and all that stuff or whatever they call it he was

knocking on people's he was like yeah i need money and and another time i in downtown orlando

was a guy and his sign said i can't lie i'm just lazy i need money like he didn't he said i can't

lie just need money i think it was maybe like i don't know someone was like secretly recording it

or something like that but anyway man of connor mentioning uh bob levy reverend bob levy bought

meat off a guy in a truck fuck that shit i wouldn't eat that no way man i'm just gonna buy

like meat for some guy and it was he looked it was like a haitian looking guy geez they have

right here they had those uh oh god there are these there are these frozen trucks that run

around and swansons i think it's yeah well that's legit that the swanson thing yeah that's even i

don't really that's that that's like the avon lady but they just sold frozen stuff that's all

right there was a swanson guy in my he used to come in the neighborhood he used to always break

down in the neighborhood he did like three i would be walking home from school and be sitting

in there and his truck's broken down on the side of the road like it happened again it was like

but even i but even i as well i don't know his truck sucks i don't know my mom bought that

swanson stuff sometimes the meatballs were good as fuck you could buy a big bag of frozen meatballs

for like four bucks yeah it's a national chain man yeah um they used to come around and you get

pretty good ice cream and shit off them too and you're right about the meatballs i've had them

before oh those meatballs are great you put toothpicks in it man it's a fucking uh super

bowl party right there bro forget it ready to go yeah buddy all right let's continue on here with

some more pranks kirby um vacuums i was saying that's another i hear like there's well we prank

called the kirby vacuum place once here they had a job advertisement i remember yeah this is that

kirby fucking bullshit she's like this is kirby shit she got all offended and upset because i

I call it shit, which it is.

You pay like $1,000 for a vacuum, and it doesn't do shit.

Super.

Kirby's been around a long, long, long time.

Yeah, man.

And the Ginsu knives.

No Lonesome Loser yet, but as mentioned before,

we got that number in Nunu.

That Nunu wants Milkman to call now.

Milkman, you ready to deliver a piano, sir?

Milkman can't lift a piano all by himself.

Milkman's on physical therapy.

He can't lift a piano.

Nunu, what are you talking about?

Are you crazy?

Trying to kill the man?

Look at how stupid I get sad.

Poor Milkman.

No, we have to pass on that.

No.

You ready, Milkman?

I want you to say you're going to deliver a piano, all right?

That's next here as we celebrate the 200th anniversary of the great Burner Street hoax.

I don't want to see this happen.

I don't want to even forget this.

Maybe a second now.

Can't wait to take a break so I can eat some food in my belly.

We're here to deliver a piano.

I just wanted to let you know for somebody to please open the doors.

You're delivering a piano?

Yes, we're delivering a piano, so if somebody needs to open the doors, give us access.

Steinway Piano.

Hello? Are they thinking of taking us in the house?

We're here to find a piano. Could you please open the doors?

You're delivering a piano to where, sorry?

Yes, Steinway Piano. You need to open the lobby doors.

Which side of the hotel you are at?

We're on the front side.

On the court side.

And which hotel are you coming to?

On the main entryway.

It's the main entryway.

We have the Steinway Piano loaded up and we're ready to deliver it.

Could you please open the doors up?

Just one moment, please.

The reception's on those, though.

Milkman, I sent you the name of the hotel.

It's the Sanderson Hotel.

Front desk, Caroline speaking.

Yes, Caroline.

We're here to deliver the Steinway Piano.

Could you have somebody please open the doors?

I think you have the wrong place.

We don't have the...

No, we're delivering...

I got a manifesto that says Steinway Piano delivered to Sanderson Hotel,

and we wanted to make sure that somebody was there to allow us access.

We need to open the doors.

I'm sorry.

I don't have any information about this, so I'm not opening the doors.

I can put you through to my security department, though, if you'd like.

No, this is not security.

It says deliver to main lobby.

No, we don't have any deliveries to the lobby, sir.

So hold on one moment.

I'll put you through.

No, this is a Steinway Piano.

We don't need security.

We need you to open the doors.

Don't get scared, Milkman.

get scared

you're gonna need

help to move

the piano too

security can help

down muscle

guys

muscle guys

we can help you

it'd be nice to help you

I will subscribe

security

open up now

what's going on here

I'll redial them

tell this lady

security guys

can help you

move the piano

yeah there you go

that's a good thing

tell the city

we need security

to move the piano

yeah

what can you help

yeah

Morning, Sanderson.

Yeah, security's supposed to move this piano here for the milkman.

We're getting the security for you.

Oh, they're in a line?

Because they were supposed to help us open the door for the piano.

Can you send them to the piano door?

The door where the piano's coming in?

Yeah, the security's on his way now.

Okay.

Who's coming down?

Can I speak to them, maybe, just to find out?

You have to wait for the security, I'm afraid.

All right.

Well, we're supposed to be transferred to coordinate the opening of the doors

and the closing of the doors and the lifting of the piano

And the setting of the piano, moving of the piano, setting up has to be tuned.

And we need someone to...

Security is on its way.

Where are they going?

I need to know where they're going to open the stupid doors at, lady.

I'm so sorry, but the security is on the way downstairs just to help with the piano.

Do you have double doors in that side or no?

We're trying to coordinate here is the only problem.

You understand?

So where do you pack your garden?

They're going to pack my garden?

We don't have a garden.

What do you mean? You just said they're ready to pack my garden. What does that mean?

We don't have a garden.

I'm not asking about the garden. I'm telling you we need double doors.

I'm so sorry, sir. Sorry?

I'm talking, sir. There should be double doors there somewhere because you need to have double doors.

Two doors next to each other, honey? Do you know what that means, sweetie?

Hi, excuse me. This is the manager, Caroline Ellison.

Now, we don't have chimneys for you to come and sweep, and we don't have any delivery of a piano, so please stop calling.

There's got to be something you need

Let's make a deal here

Steaks

My restaurant went out

It's got to be something we can do

Is she American?

Is Caroline American?

She is American

Is this the same place

You call the Chibisweet people?

Yeah because Milkman

Stopped talking and I had to jump in

No I took over there

It's the same place

They had me on speakerphone

And she was listening

She's already

You're my manager

And they were taking notes

And they were

They're taking notes

I'm writing down everything you're saying

Do we have a prank call

For voice recognition

For terrorism

Now there's the one where the guy's like

I'm writing down everything you said

I'm making a note of it

Talk it could be your turn

it could be your turn i don't know what's next on this list uh wedding cakes uh fish uh chimney

screws we've done coal oh i wish reckless around he could call us the lord mayor of london uh let's

maybe let me look at sometimes he comes on i don't know not very often he's a very busy man

phone number i have for him it's for the old studio he i don't think even works overdue for

a call-in so all i can tell you yeah he is overdue for a call-in we got that poll going

on the chat page over at

madhouselive.com forward slash chat

or just click on the chat button

at the main site, the main page

over at madhouselive.com

where we're broadcasting right now.

128K.

Maven's saying what's up.

Actually, Maven can call in

because she's really good at doing calls.

She can call in, yeah.

It's easier if they give me their number

and I Skype them in.

That's the easiest way for me to do it.

Or if they're on Skype, even fucking better.

Yeah, okay.

If you want to help us out,

If you want to help out on the show, ladies and gents, I recommend getting on Skype.

That's good, right?

Well, actually, no, just give me your cell phone, because, Milkman, you're joining in just fine, and I'm just calling your cell phone, right?

It's all you need to do.

Give me your cell phone.

I connect you to the conference.

All you need to do.

Or just get on Skype.

We'll add you in.

It's crazy.

Prackmaster found us on Skype.

Now with 14.4k dial-up modems

Very nice, man

Mikey129

But I've got them set up in an array

I'm getting gigabit ethernet here to the fiber

I wish I did

I got customers where I work

You've got so many of those bridged together

To make our connection

I got enough 14.4k modems

To make up, I don't know

know 10 megs it's faster than dso i got i got a whole closet full of 14.4k modems connected to

separate phone lines i remember before dso and the modems really hit it big they would advertise

where you where you would just patch your like you have a little 56k modems together to get

faster internet yeah remember when they were pitching all that selling that stuff and yeah

but you had to have a separate phone line for it like there were people that used to do the 56k

modems, you'd have two phone

lines, two 56k modems, and on your

computer, you bridge them

together, and it's like

you went up to

100k.

It was like, whoa, I'm such a gamer now.

I'm playing Doom. I remember I knew somebody

that had that. I knew somebody, his dad

had that setup where he would do things

of this nature.

He used to play Doom and Captain Wolfenstein,

but Wolfenstein wasn't online

from what I understand. Doom was the first one

where people started playing in Lanzes.

anyway continue your house is not here yet see andy's out there online maybe i'll tune in yeah

there's a poll over the madhouse chat room when i was saying on the chat page if even if you're not

chatting with us in there try to go to madhouse live.com forward slash chat you don't have to

stay there but in there there's a link to the poll just answer that this week uh well i started

it last week i run the polls for a month so they accumulate because we don't get a lot of people

that vote on it um but you can vote there for who do you want to see who would you most like

like to see come back to madhouse radio uh to make a guest appearance andy's on there as well

i think he's one of the options i think so far zola was winning up till the last time i checked

i gotta let me log in and see what's going on with them i'm curious now i don't know if anybody was

on here not too long ago that's your mission if you're listening to madhouse ready right now even

if it's on the podcast you know six months from now just go over to the madhouse live page when

it has to come up right on there yeah i'm waiting on an invite so i can make an android app because

Because I did the research, and to make an iTunes app for us to get it submitted to the iTunes store,

which is really the only usable way for us to do it,

because from what I understand, unless you've got a jailbroken iPhone or iPod Touch,

you can't install just an app that's being hosted somewhere that's not in the store,

that's not offered in the store.

Android, that's not the case.

They just call it a third-party app.

You just got a checkbox.

Are you sure you want to trust third-party apps?

Yeah, you just go to a website on your phone.

I could just send a link out or make one of those QED-looking,

those funky three-dimensional or two-dimensional barcodes that they got now.

You know, so people could go to the website and just scan it with their Android phone

and go straight to it and install it.

I'm waiting on an invite from the Android developer program thing.

It's supposed to come in less than two weeks.

So when I get that, I'll go ahead and design a simple Madhouse app.

I wish I could do it for iPhone.

That would be nice, but fuck that.

It costs $99.

Give me a link, bro. I want to join that, man, because I got an idea for an app.

Right. But what I'm saying is, even for just to get the chance to submit the app into the store, it's $99 you got to pay for the graphical whatever.

And from what I understand, I think you can only do it if you are on a Mac is the only way to do it.

Also, something, I don't know, it's a real big pain in the ass.

and that's unfortunate. I wish they'd make it a little easier

because Android's like, anybody

they have their own

program that you use to make it

really simple, like what you see is what you get

for an Android app.

Why Mac? Because of the software you use?

Or why Mac? I don't know.

It's something in the process where it's

I think that you have to be submitting

it from a Mac for some reason.

I don't know. I think it's what you use.

Is it that .Mac account?

No, it's more like

No, it's just because Apple is an idiot like that.

Yeah, Apple's program that you use to develop apps in, it'll only run, it's only compatible.

There's only a Mac version for an Apple version for iOS, you know, for an iOS editor.

Did you say you got some Mac software or OS or something?

yeah but i can't uh i can't boot it up because neither my two processors support hardware

virtualization or something it's called yeah i gave up on it i just like i need a custom bios

built you have to have an actual machine mac machine well both my server over here on the

right and my laptop over here both of them the the micro the cpus the processors support it

but there's not a bios written that does it i know i'm losing so many of you right now there's not

not a bios that that's yeah there's sites where you can go and request one like hey can you cook

me up a bios for uh dell blah blah blah blah blah blah blah they're like sure no problem and then

they send it to you and you know you donate i just haven't got it you can donate a few bucks

for it or something like that in the house lonesome's in the house good all right that's

good good thing now let's go and take our break here by the lonesome loser he's a loser in the

That's not nice

We don't talk like that here, Tuck

Misunderstood

I can't remember the lyrics

When we come back

We're going to be having a good time here

With numbers from Lonesome Loser

He's not sending in many, he says

But he's going to get some good ones over to us

We got more numbers from Brendan here

We got the sit and go from last week

Where the lady went off on me

Because I said Jews out of Palestine

Which I'm totally in agreeance with

We've already talked to Junkbusters

We can try some more calls to the Sanderson Hotel where they're celebrating the 200th anniversary this week of the Burner Street Prank.

A little classic prank where you just order a pizza, order a limo, order a taxi at some random company's or person's house.

I want a pizza.

You know, we've all thought about it.

It's 1810 and I want an Italian pizza.

That doesn't work because all the times I used to try doing that prank when I was in high school and stuff,

they already had it where you had to give a phone number

and they always called it back

before they deliver it so

I don't know they had a way

because of that reason

because of that bullshit right there

there's ways around it they got smart on us

you people abused your powers

how could you

and more you know we'll have more shit going on

so thanks for listening to Madhouse Radio

we'll be back in about 5 minutes we're going to be playing that

yellow next to us call also on the break

caller id and implement the caller id they that caller id is a killer but then there was a star

six there was a star 67 wars oh man i gotta write a book about prank calls the star 67 wars whatever

we'll be right back i'm going to terminate this call thank you me call free at 1-888-278-8509

you know what i hope that when you die they put your gps in your box at the bottom so when you die

You open a trapdoor at the bottom

You check the GPS

And you go straight down to the hell

Madhouse Radio is back

You are bigger than a woman

You are better than a woman

We'll always be behind you

Do not let a woman

Ever

Make you who you are

Where's astronaut D?

Everybody moving right back into prank calls

Let's go ahead and give a call back to that

The sick girl that needs to wash their hands

And after that we're going to give a call

To the sick girl that needs to get the juice out

Wow

No, I'm not saying anything bad.

It's just, dude.

I'm not trying to say anything bad.

This is just the way you said it.

That's what they are.

That made it unsettling.

I've saved them as contacts, just like that.

I got Jonathan's calling in.

Oh, fuck.

I got to piss with Jonathan.

Hey, Jonathan.

Hey, man.

You're on the air.

I'm doing the show.

What's going on, man?

No, I didn't get it.

What happened?

I had to do the show tonight.

I didn't realize until late.

What time are you leaving tomorrow?

He's in Orlando.

Oh, I didn't have.

I don't know.

know i was planning on seeing you tonight or tomorrow but well that's not good so you had

to leave early from orlando damn it oh man that sucks god damn it damn it all right you definitely

gotta wait for the fireworks yeah but sorry man um well shit when are you coming back to orlando

then let me know when you do one day the historical meeting will take place all right buddy well i

feel it bye bye that's cheese boy everybody cheese boy thank you all my friends and listeners no i

that really sucks because i was going to do breakfast with him tomorrow i was going to head

out yeah i had plans no man he's staying he was he was staying at this he was staying at disney

property and i was going to go and uh there's this awesome place for a breakfast buffet it's

called chef mickey's it's on disney property man whether the historical meeting will take place

oh my god i can feel it they make these pancakes and with the mickey ears uh like the shape of

mickey ears uh they got they got the best sugar-free syrup i've ever had hello hello yeah

Yeah, hey, listen, you guys have the best sugar-free syrup I've ever had, man.

It's awesome.

I am so happy.

So happy.

Hello?

Yeah, you guys have the best sugar-free syrup that I've ever had, man.

What we had?

The best sugar-free syrup that I've ever had.

What's going on back there?

Is that TV?

Who is this?

This is Cross.

Who is this?

This is Cross.

Why you call me?

Oh, no, I was calling because of the report.

We have until midnight.

I don't want to get on the report.

But you have diarrhea.

Okay, listen.

That's what I thought about when they got in the boat.

Okay, bye.

I'm sure you are.

I'm sure, yes.

Your mom says, bye.

I'm her handsome little boy.

They say you lick the tissue and then rub it on your face and say you're a handsome boy.

Pulled my pants up a little bit.

Oh dear.

Badass said we should ask if they're playing Jihad in the background.

What?

I'm playing this song Clap Hands because I thought, you know, wash your hands.

I just figured we went together.

Clap the dirt off.

Oh, they got the clap on the hands because they're dirty.

Never get the clap

Is there a cue for the clap?

Uh, yeah

Oh, is it a shot in the dick?

That would suck

Hello?

Oh, it is a shot in the cock

It's Akira, though

Yeah, hi, I'm calling from Jews for Palestine

I was calling to see if you had any coffee available right now

Is there any chance of...

She's just hanging up

Wow

I started with the Jews for Palestine

Maybe she'll get...

Yeah, I see you're right

What for the juggler?

You gotta just, you know

That was stupid

You can't go for a clitoris right away.

Yeah, you gotta

turn around first.

Let's waste that.

She needs her self-body

lubrications, natural lubrications

to come. Yeah, yeah.

Secretions.

She ain't telling.

She ain't having it.

We'll try calling her back later. There's gotta be someone else

that works there who'll answer us, talk to us.

We're not talking about secretions.

No, she knows who you are.

She knows you know where no one's gonna you're blacklisted. You're blacklisted blacklisted ain't gonna happen. Sorry anyway

Never some lonesome loser. Let's get him ready here boner ranch. I don't know what that is

Yeah, we'll find out in a second. It says rich and uh, it's like in nirvana

I have a clue what it might be. Yeah. I want a handsome woman

It looks like alicia silverstone or something like that

You want to do what a handsome woman that looks like alicia silverstone or that girl from dirty dancing movie you remember?

Hello? Yeah, I want a handsome woman.

Is this the Boner Ranch?

Yes.

Yeah, I'm looking. I wanted to book a handsome woman for tomorrow evening.

You're kind of a smart-ass son of a bitch, aren't you?

No, no, I'm not a son of a bitch.

No, you goddamn son of a bitch.

No, buddy. It's not like that.

Oh, man. Shit.

Sir, you're still there.

Sir, you don't have to be like that.

Oh, sir? You didn't have to be like that.

Smart-ass son of a bitch hanging out with a bitch.

Hello?

Sir, you didn't need to be like that, okay?

Okay, you son of a bitch.

I'm not son of a bitch.

Wow.

He doesn't have to talk like that.

That's not necessary.

That would make a good ringtone, Jill.

Put that down.

Write that down on the big board there, Milkman.

Ringtone, son of a bitch.

I think that's the title of the show.

Son of a bitch.

Yes, sir.

With an exclamation point at the end.

We don't need to be like that.

Come on, sir.

I'm a brother in Christ.

Okay?

Who is this?

This is Cross.

Who?

This is Cross.

I'm with International Business Machines.

Yeah?

Yeah.

My mother said I was a very handsome boy today.

I thought I'd call in and celebrate that with you.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

She's, you know, I was looking for a handsome woman.

Is that right?

You're kind of smart, son of a bitch.

Are you a goddamn Indian or something?

No, I'm Asian.

korean

that guy's cool

he's like indians

apparently

some my bitch

he's a racist

and an asshole

he's a racist

and an asshole

he's been calling me

son of a bitch

for the last 10 minutes

yeah I guess so

trying to get milkman

back on the line

he doesn't like queers

does he

he doesn't like queers

and I will

make it

quits

anyway

my indian

indians are smart

everybody

where's milkman

he's gone

Jonathan sent me a text message

sent me a text message that says cheese boy

I haven't heard from Milkman since the break

let me try to call him back let me just try to reset

the numbers here hang on

contact you again

you coughing again? yeah man

poor fucking guy

alright hang on Lonesome Loser sent me a number here

let's see Snooker's Parlor

oh Slick Slicker Slick Slicker there we go that's what I wanted

got about an hour left to show

you are tuned into Madhouse Radio

for November the 19th now

Friday

It's not to call in, Germano, after this call.

To call in?

What, when you need a nebulizer or something, dude?

Hello, quick.

Hey there, buddy.

I've got $50 to spend.

All right.

I was wondering your gin.

What's the closest to $50 you get?

What's that?

What's the closest to $50 you get on your gin?

Gin?

Yeah.

We got those Tanqueray and Tanqueray No. 10 or something.

Is that black people gin?

No, those are top notch.

What's the black people gin?

There's no particular.

They like what they like.

Are you Korean?

Yes, I am.

My dad's Korean, but I don't speak Korean.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

My mother was a nurse in the army.

Very nice.

And she raped a Korean man in the Korean War.

Oh, okay.

She was a sick person.

She was?

She was a sick person.

She was addicted to the heroin that she would give the soldiers in the Korean War at the 38th parallel.

Oh, man.

one night she went crazy and she raped two men oh man from the north yeah wow so it is do you um

there was this show i was watching where you people have a secret alarm he's already hung up

hang on i'm asking about the secret alarm hello hello sir yeah hey you have a secret alarm there

right you do when the black person comes in you know the secret um sign that you do

Really?

That you watched him, yeah.

Because we have you on tape that you were watching a black person that went in there special.

You were doing special watching.

And that you were saying...

Really?

That it says here that we have you, and there was a woman there who said, hurry up and buy.

Yeah.

So, do you have anything to say about that?

Not at all.

Nothing to say about it.

So, there's no racial profiling going on here?

Not at all.

Why should I?

I'm Korean myself.

No, but he was a black person that came in.

What about it?

Well, a black man came in, and you were watching him, like, extra special, extra careful, he says.

I don't know.

You're something disgusting.

I don't know who I'm talking to.

No, this is Cross.

I'm calling from International Business Machines.

Very nice.

Right.

You stupid son of a bitch.

All right.

Okay, Mr.

Thank you.

Okay, Mr. Horse.

Bye.

Okay, see you later.

Okay, ass.

Stupid fucking asshole.

I hate it when they don't work out.

When I do bad prank calls, I hate it.

That was bad.

Yeah.

I think he barely had a handle on English.

Who's it?

Don.

What?

What are you?

Don.

We got the Gold and Silver Pawn Shop.

This is, I believe, the place where that show, that show, the show Pawn Shop Assholes on the Gay Channel, Bravo.

I don't know.

You know what I'm talking about?

There's those asshole people that pawn stuff off.

They have a pawn shop in Vegas.

Oh, I've heard about it.

Yeah, they go around and everybody's barged and get all the junk.

No.

It's funny.

Pond jerks.

Zero watcher.

I've got to buy an outbound number again.

It's showing up unavailable instead of showing the Vegas number.

And people don't want to answer when they see it.

Oh, when you call me, it's showing a number.

Oh, it does?

All right, cool.

I'll tell you later where it is.

Is it a Vegas 702?

That's all you've got to say.

No?

Oh, shit.

No.

I'll type it in the area code anyway.

I got it on the phone.

I want to mention I don't pay attention much to NCAA basketball.

Basketball, I don't find a lot of fun in basketball, the college level.

But why is there so much NCAA basketball going on right now?

I don't understand.

Like, starting Monday, it's been like nonstop basketball college level.

It's not even March yet.

Isn't that March Madness?

All right, Milkman, I got it.

Thank you, sir.

You snitch.

I have no idea, man.

I don't follow the b-ball much.

Especially not college b-ball.

Yeah, dude, but Michael Vick fucking had a good game.

He had a good fucking game.

That fucking asshole bitch.

Because of him, I lost my fantasy football game.

Because of his points.

Because the son of a bitch had them starting.

I'm white person.

I see Big Brenda's working tonight at Woodman's Market.

Let's give him a call.

Oh, no.

Big booty Brenda.

Bill Hyman.

I'm in a saucy mood.

It's the whole music of that sit-go.

Oh, I'm so calling this place back for this music.

Mother of a woman.

Yeah, I'm going to speak with Brenda, please.

She's not here today.

Oh, no big booty Brenda.

That's her. I know that was her. I just wanted to get that nasty comment out to her because I'm a nasty man

Anyway, let's call that Sid go station again. What do you say? They're big milk, man?

It's music for them so they can hear it and that's right now. Yeah, pretty sure they're closed now

Only outpost alone just a moment

That's old there that's real is that

Hey, what's going on with the phone there? You got a lot of buzz, fuzz on it. Is there a problem?

Excuse me?

Your phone sounds like badness. Very bad phone. Why?

Hello?

Somebody paged me from this phone number.

I can't understand you, hon.

Somebody paged me from this stupid phone number. Some stupid person. Who comes here?

Try calling back, hon. I can't understand you.

Stupid ass.

God, her phone sucks. Never mind.

Okay, let's be with you. Is that me?

Stupid. Liar.

I think it was short and short, but short and short, what was his name? I think I was his name.

It's going to be a long hour, everybody. It's going to be a long fucking hour.

We'll get through it.

Got a Church of Scientology mission.

Give them a call, see what's up.

Sure, why not?

Oh, we're Mr. Cruz.

Cruz.

He's Asian.

Scientology, how can I help you?

Hello there, how you doing?

Good, how are you?

Alright, that's good.

Um, I had a question about possible membership.

Okay.

What was your name?

This is Cross.

Okay.

Let me get someone to help you.

What was your name?

In one moment.

Is this the go?

Oh, all right, big Nicole.

It's Nicole.

All right, thank you.

Let me get someone to help you.

All right.

Hi, this is Katie.

How can I help you?

Hey, Brenda, how you doing?

This is Katie.

Oh, hey, listen.

I was interested in getting one of those scans.

Scans for what?

You got a scan machine there that scans me.

Not sure what you're talking about?

I don't know.

It was some kind of evaluation scanning machine that you people put on me.

I was told by someone that I had a lot of potential.

Okay.

So I'm looking to come in and get the scan, you know, get the printout.

So we do personality tests.

We don't do scanning.

That's a personality test?

Mm-hmm.

So it just measures the displacement of the water, right?

Are we talking about the same thing?

Yeah, displacement of water.

So what are you interested in learning more about?

Displacing and moving water.

Oh, okay.

We're talking about something totally separate.

No, it's possible, though, because I've done it.

I understand.

We're talking about self-improvement courses and things like that.

Is that what you're interested in?

No, self-displacement.

Okay. Well, I think we're talking about two different things.

No, no. You're saying self-displacement. That's what I'm talking about.

Is there an actual question that I can help you with?

Yes. There's the ability to move matter.

Some people say you can only move it within a few meters.

But I'm saying you can do it within certain miles or kilometers, certain distances.

You can move matter actually in its physical form and have it move literally by bending,

just bending the actual space in between the two certain points and it can be done.

Done, yeah. It's just as simple as displacing water is.

Okay.

So, I've got an idea about this. I wanted to add it to your funny book.

My funny book. Which one would that be?

The one that I roll up and make joints out of.

I figured you'd be that bored. Okay, cool. Well, thanks for your time, man. Take care.

I like to lick the clitoris.

Alright, pretty weird. I don't know, let's talk about water displacement.

Who sent that one in? You pick up space and you bend it.

You pick up space and you bend it?

And it flows towards you.

Yeah, you pick up space and you bend it, and it flows towards you.

I thought that was an LL Cool J song, Brenna Got a Big Ol' Butt.

Is it just Big Ol' Butt?

Maybe it is.

I think you're right.

My mistake.

I think you're right.

No, but I'm trying.

Now that we can.

Oh, yeah, it's just called Big Ol' Butt because it says, like, a thousand different girls.

Not a thousand.

Right.

And he keeps on talking about Brenna Got a Big Ol' Butt.

We'll play that here.

Oh, right.

You got it?

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Yeah, classic, old school classic, right here in the madhouse.

I've got to find a way to get us listening to this stuff on Skype, you know, so we can share the wealth.

You can't do it like from another computer and like log in on that.

No, I'm not going to have another Skype, can you?

I don't know how I'd do it, man.

What about, hey, what about your Android and logging in on Skype and then sending it to,

adding it to the conversation and then having to play music?

Someone's asking me

If I still do

Madhouse Radio

Yeah

Now he's talking about

Tina having a big old butt

Oh god

I can't wait to hear this

This is old school bro

It's gonna make me laugh

Cause there's this girl

Named Brenda

And she was just

It just swiveled

For a week first

I made that song for her

Oh this is long old

Anyway continuing on

We're bullshittering enough

here it's called a boner ranch first though that guy he just likes to call me son of a

bitch i'm gonna tell him that brenda's got a big old butt and that's why i'm leaving

yeah brenda has a big old butt so i'm leaving you

A wise bastard, aren't you?

Mm-hmm, very wise.

Wise and old.

Yeah.

Guess how old I am.

Oh, about two years.

You're a stupid horse's ass to say something like that,

disrespectful old man.

I bet you pass away before I do.

The only way that won't happen is if it's an accident,

and that would be a damn shame,

because my mother said today that I'm a handsome boy.

You cocksucking son of a bitch.

I just love that guy's insults.

That's awesome.

Awesome. Thanks, sir.

Needed that.

Something positive for the show.

He sounds like this guy that I called for about a year

back when I was in middle school, and I kept asking

for Chris, because I misdialed my friend

Chris Castillo's number, and I

called him, and I was like, is Chris there?

And he was real pissed off, and it was just an accident.

I was like, no, ain't no Chris here!

And he hung up the phone, and I was like, oh, is that how it is,

this asshole fine i'm gonna torture you for a year and every day i call him and every time like

no there's no chris and one day i'd say wait wait a minute wait a minute every once in a while i

gotta go hey wait a minute wait it was like what like wait a minute is this blah blah blah blah

it's like no it's not so chris isn't there no and hang up call him for a whole year straight

it was back back before caller id and all that you could do stuff like that still oh the good old

oh yeah yeah before this that was the shit buddy before the star 67 yeah for digital searching

began that was cool sir it's the star 67 wars we gotta do a book about the star 67 wars prank call

hello yeah hi listen there big girl i was wondering about that uh mission over there

that you guys were talking about oh the logging mission and i'm talking about well sir sir you're

there i'm calling them in i'm conferencing you in like hombre negro it's a busy number

oh shit that ain't gonna work uh we got uh somebody in england let's give them a call

here wake them up oh we got a salvage place where a guy answered selling yes really loud

all right let's give them a call and complain about that also we got to call the hotel again

milkman well we've done a piano we did chimney sweeping what's next oh my gosh we should call

them an actual taxi well i know that was a wrong number i never learned what it was

Yeah.

Hey, big guy.

I was wondering if you were awake already.

I got your morning wake-up call here, sir.

Before you do that, before you do that, listen.

Hey.

Hey, buddy.

I'm trying again.

That was stupid.

I lost track.

I didn't know what I was doing or calling.

You got me from behind.

No, I didn't.

Who did I call?

I called someone else.

I called a local number.

You said call someone that looked like an American number.

Maybe the last number you dialed, I think.

It was Cooter Salvage.

Hang on.

Man, I'll be honest with you.

I took a sleeping pill.

I gotta get to bed soon

So he's starting to affect my

My hemoglobins

Oh no

Hang on

Dragon here

Dragon ass

I had a

Pamperin earlier

I've had pamperin before

For a headache

It works

Same thing

It's got C

Oh sir

Oh

Alright we're calling the UK instead

Let's try that

RP Windsor

Maybe he wants to do pigs

Who is this

Yeah, why did you take so long to answer the phone?

What's the big deal over there?

I got a lot of people I got to call tonight.

I don't appreciate it.

Who is this calling?

This is your wake-up call.

I'm calling from International Business Telephone Machines.

Well, you've got the wrong number.

This is not the number that you should be ringing.

This is the middle of the night here, so please do not ring this number again.

It's a wrong number.

You stupid jerk.

You requested a wake-up call.

I saved that one.

Your number's out at the end anyway.

anyway you gotta cut right into it too what time is it you called my number oh it is yeah it's a

windsor he said i should have said hello they hung over they hung right up all right we gotta

cut more uk numbers on some chop chop right away should we get more numbers here pretty soon

it's called tourist home in utah home of the mormons and glenn beck underwears

wear those special underwears come out joseph smith yeah hi listen i had a suggestion over

there but you don't have a suggestion box in that stupid place why huh listen hello ma'am please

please talk oh damn it call him back prince williams cut with a hooker dialing up just a

moment folks come on number you can do it i'm gonna have fun listening to the show tomorrow

oh don't do it don't do it no no you're still there don't do it come on you don't have to do

it yes hello good morning you plonk your plonker i was uh calling interested for a reservation

Can you check your phone number, please?

You've got the wrong phone number.

This is 3677.

This is Windsor, right?

Say that again?

This is Windsor, 3677.

Yeah, what is it?

You're after?

I want an invitation to the Royal Wedding.

Can you put the phone down, please?

Thank you.

No, I can't.

I'm from the United States of America, and I demand you give me an invitation.

Hello, ma'am?

Call the other one back.

Can you put the phone down, please?

Do you know what time it is?

What time it is?

Listen.

Hello, can I help you?

Do you know what time it is?

Yes, it's 5.29, and if this is...

Where are you ringing from?

I'm ringing from the call center, Chicago, Illinois,

for the morning wake-up call, 5.25.

You're four minutes late, sir.

I'm going to get a demerit.

Now, listen, this is...

I'm in London.

My name...

I'm not going to give you my name.

No, this is Mr. Windsor.

Yes, and why do you keep ringing me?

Because I called the...

Ma'am, listen, I called the embassy in London,

and they said that I was going to be put in touch with the person

who was going to handle me with the invitation from the House of Windsor.

So here we are.

Yeah, well, look, my surname happens to be Windsor,

but I am absolutely nothing to do with that whatsoever.

This is a private house in the middle of a suburb,

and I don't have to go to work today.

And I would appreciate it if you would delete this number from your call circle.

They have got completely the wrong name.

They've just picked a name out of the telephone book.

That's all they have done.

Now, please do not ring this number again.

Well, I called...

Okay?

It's completely the wrong number.

I have nothing to do with that at all.

You can't give me an interview or an invitation to the royal wedding, then?

I certainly cannot.

Someone's having a joke with you.

Oh, Jesus.

This is a private number, and I'm very sorry,

but all they've done is picked a number out of a phone book.

Now, please do not ring this number again.

Again, I have people in this house trying to get some sleep.

Well, I just want to advise you.

Listen, hang on.

Just to make sure that we fix this.

I don't want you to get another problem with me and not be nasty again.

All right.

But the circle caller machine completely has the wrong number.

Now, it's going to call you again, and you have to opt out.

Because if not, then it might keep calling you tomorrow in 24 hours.

Well, what do I do?

I will just not answer the phone then.

Is that the way around it?

Well, it will call every five minutes until it gets a response.

How do you get it out of the system, then?

You dial star, zero, pound, nine.

I

do that as soon as i put the phone down you can do it right now but i have to

to hit the button first are you ready well hang on what what do i do star zero pound nine pound

yes i haven't got a pound sign on this phone yeah the hash maybe you have a hash sign oh yeah star

zero hash nine all right thank you do that now you have to upgrade to the pound sign though i

don't know if it's going to take we can try you ready we gotta do it all right in three two one

okay all right it's got you down authorized for 30 days of the service perfect thank you very

Merry Christmas.

I don't know, I think it's a ring, um...

A T.

A T, specifically, yeah.

And put a block on it.

And he gave it to me like a half an hour.

It was a male, female?

Male, women from Chicago,

wanting an invitation to the royal wedding,

and he was given a number for the half of winter,

this number.

So it's practically dead.

Someone was just given a particular number.

I don't think it's a number after 70.

Maybe we'll have a go at her real quick.

That'd be nice.

What did they think it was at all time?

They thought it was something, just like, oh, what's the matter, honey?

What did she think it was?

I thought it was, I don't know if they thought it was a kid or a dog.

I think you said a chicken at some point.

It sounded like a cat.

but it sounded more like a cat

and then at the end he realized it was coming from the phone

and he was quite pissed off

and he hung up in anger

that's too funny

that's a good call

there's this condensed little part to that

you join the whole thing up

I boosted everything up as high as I could

but

you did a good job I could hear him in the background

I would say it would be nice

if he had a good go at her

now I want to fuck you

I just heard that weird noise

I was doing it right into the mic

Milkman you could hear how loud it was

I was doing it away from the

Yeah it was really loud

I was in a way I took the Skype mic back

They were hearing it in the background

Yeah oh yeah you could hear it

Yeah well they could hear it

They were responding to it

Yeah and they're like what is that

And he's like let's try to find it

And he finally figured it out

Save that number

but the wind's a circle machine.

There's a new one.

I must have declared I had heard Sweet Pea.

That's the name of my parents' cat.

My parents' cat who attacked me.

I got really mad.

I was roughhousing with her.

And she's usually okay.

I guess she was just in a cunty mood

because she got really mad

and she bit me really hard.

She tore into me in my hand.

And she hissed at me like really loud.

I was like, geez, Sweet Pea.

All right.

I was like that.

Little bitch.

She's in a bad mood today.

She just approved 30-day service.

the circle collar machine come.

You did.

I told him.

That was gold.

And I pulled the cable

on the laptop on accident.

Like, right when he did that,

we missed his reaction.

He was like, oh, gold.

My bad.

I can't wait for the show to end.

I'm going to listen to that

as soon as the show's over.

I'm going to replay that.

I can't wait to hear it again.

You're so stupid.

You can hear it the whole time

in the background.

That'd be great.

You just take the

bootstrap background audio up.

He called from Chicago.

Oh, he said he was trying to call the House of Windsor.

All right.

And he works with Triangle Machines.

International Triangle.

Triangle International Machines.

Triangle Machines International.

Hello.

Oh, they hung right up.

They did not like that.

We got one number left here for Lonesome Loser.

I still can't believe that shit at the end.

She's like, that shit was killer, dude

I like that, I'm at my feet

What were you blowing?

What the hell was I blowing on?

It's so strapped

Yes, hi, is this the house of Windsor?

Yes

Yes, I want an invitation to the wedding, please

The wedding that you're going to have over there

I want an invitation, damn it

I'm friends of King Crypto

It's King Crypto calling

Still there and not doing nothing

I already called their number

I was saying, how come they're not playing?

They kind of heard it at first

What the hell is that thing?

What is it?

Oh, I can't wait to hear that shit again.

Yeah, that is true.

It's like a reed or something.

I don't know why they get it.

It is loud.

It's just me going, really loud, but I'm sticking my mouth.

The microphone's in between my teeth.

I'm putting the microphone in between my teeth.

Oh, okay, okay, yeah.

Oh, my God, that's hilarious.

It doesn't sound funny.

I wish I could hear it on the other end.

It sounds like a cat.

It sounds like a cat crying.

All right.

I think we're done.

We're out of numbers.

We've called all the numbers.

Yeah.

No, we got one last one.

Lonesome, no more numbers.

Take it easy, brother.

You got the night off.

Thanks, man.

This has been fun.

You can rest assured.

Weapons down.

Lonesome Loser, you did a great job tonight, sir.

Thank you.

Always a gentleman and a scholar, my good friend.

Brendan, I'm sorry.

Hello.

Yes, hi.

Is this the Windsor home?

Yes.

Yeah, this is King Crypto, and I demand you to give me an invitation to your wedding.

What kind of disrespect is this?

What?

I'm King Crypto.

Who the hell is he?

Yeah, well, I'm the King of Crypto.

And you're supposed to invite me to this wedding of this stupid punk kid of yours.

What?

This is the House of Windsor, right?

What then?

This is the House of Windsor.

Yeah.

Well, invite me to your wedding.

Whose wedding?

The House of Windsor wedding.

Eh?

The one of the, that Wales kid, you know?

That William kid.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'm King Crypto.

You're supposed to invite me because I'm royalty.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

Sir, I want an invitation, please.

Yeah, I want an invitation.

You know what for?

What for?

To put my fist in your big, fat nose.

Oh, yeah, what for?

Because you're a pervert.

Am I?

That's right.

Oh, right.

Cross, I'm calling from America.

From America?

Yeah, the greatest country in the world.

Yes, what time is it?

12.44 in the morning.

But not here, is it?

Over there, it's like 5.45 right now, right?

Yeah, I know, but so what?

Did you get the idea that I wanted to be woken up at this time in the morning?

What's the big deal?

Are you a lazy old man?

No, I'm not a lazy old man.

Do you pay for your medical insurance,

or do you actually, like, eat off of the company,

the country, on the National Health Machine?

No, I work.

You're a burden on the country, sir.

Can you do me a favor?

Can you put the phone down and give your wife a good working over over there

while we listen?

Oh, well, yeah.

Okay, bye.

You're not interested in that?

All right, Milkman, I think we've done our job here for the night.

Oh, my God.

Bud, it's been a crazy night.

There you see how it is in the madhouse.

Don't you dare miss it every week.

That's right.

Same old bat cave, the same old bat time right here.

We want you to tune in, bring your friends, bring your enemies.

But first, we'd like to thank some of our friends and lovable listeners here in the madhouse.

We'd like to thank Mr. Losa Musa, our number, it's mad, thank you so much.

And our incredible editors, Mr. Kokanee and Baz, thank you so much for your help and assistance.

Good catches, guys.

Mr. Noonan, our UK local troublemaker, thank you so much for joining us.

And Maeve, that's right, the house hot girl.

I thought I heard a cat.

Cat's coming back.

The house hot girl, thank you so much for joining us.

Mr. MST3 Clay, Waston, and all of our other friends right here at 98.6 The Mouse.

Bad Boys of Iowa, Brandon,

Gothic, Prismav,

Justin Krupp, Manacana,

KDK, Mikey129,

thanks a lot, Ken, also thanks for some of the

great numbers, and also

Mission in Action, Mr.

Dedede, we look forward to hearing from you

again sometime soon, but we'd like

to thank you, especially our listeners,

that's right, we love you,

and we do this show every week

for your enjoyment, right here,

particularly your internet ear balls.

We don't ask you to pay a dime,

We just ask that you give some time and bring some fans.

Or better yet, send some enemies our way, because we love y'all right here in the Madhouse.

But what would we do without our fearless winner of the Malaysia right here in the Madhouse of General Lee Cino?

Thank you so much for having us on and providing us with some more fun and laughs.

And don't forget to tell everybody about your Thanksgiving show you've got coming up there.

Over to you, Big Boss.

Thank you.

All right, so we've got a show next Thursday for Thanksgiving.

Tuck was on the show earlier.

I didn't get to back in.

Apologize about that, Tuck.

Yeah, definitely good calls tonight.

Especially that more recent one with the chicken dine or whatever that was.

I don't know.

That's it for us.

Thank you for tuning in.

We'll be doing a show Thanksgiving night.

That's our next show.

Be sure to check out madhouselife.com and visit it.

Subscribe to the podcast.

Thank you Lonesome Loser, Brandon for sending in numbers, Baz, Kokanee for editing pranks.

Everyone else who contributed, Nunu.

We had fun calling your hotel.

Next week, we will order them some pizzas and stuff.

We'll go a step further.

For now, we'll let them have their chimney sweeping and their piano.

We got a little hot.

A little hot over there, sir.

A little hot.

Caroline was not pleased.

No, sir.

All right.

Thank you, everybody.

We'll catch you next week.

Goodbye.

We love you.

Calls (23, 1 h 4 min of 2 h 17 min)

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